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Get-Tar Region

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The Charlottesville branch of Target

On 20 July 2005, Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local Target mall store and continue his Love Quest. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a slow-in-the-mind.

In Chris's own words

Chris described the incident in an entry to CWC's Diary.

"July 20, 2005: … I was at the new Target store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of sausages on my 180 pound body was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl.

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my family. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my mother and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called Bagget (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how funny it was).

In Chris's comics

The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of Sonichu #4, entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the Get-Tar Region" (which causes many newfags to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain Guitar Center), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his imaginary twin sister saves him from a Transformer.

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail to fill the singularity inside his gut with their soda, drawing his shit comics, and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his children.

 
 
This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl now. Especially since this Love Quest has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. Only three days since I skipped my last deadline! :)
 

 

—Christian Weston Chandler, Sonichu #4

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or died, whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being an autistic virgin, and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by Mary Lee Walsh, in a scene ripped off from The Transformers: The Movie).

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he essentially writes his own mother out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the Pokémon TCG League let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his Love Quest efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

The real story

 
 
I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the jerkops, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....He tried to fucking run. Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.
 

 

Emily

Gallery

See also

External links

The places of Chris's life

Chris's homes: Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments | Surrywood Subdivision | Newberry Towne Subdivision | 14 Branchland Court (Chris's room | Chris's kitchen) | Rental House

Chris's education: Greene County Primary School | James Madison University | Providence Middle School | Nathanael Greene Elementary School | Manchester High School | Piedmont Virginia Community College (not to be confused with Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens)

Chris's churches: Grace Baptist Church | Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church

Chris's jobs: Cutco Cutlery | Wendy's | Books-a-million | Toys “R” Us | The GAMe PLACe | C.W.C. Comics

Attraction locations: Piedmont Virginia Community College | University of Virginia | Charlottesville Fashion Square (Abercrombie & Fitch) (Chick-fil-A) (Pac Sun) (Starbucks) | Wal-Mart (McDonald's) | Target | The GAMe PLACe | Chris's room

Other places Chris visited: Anime Mid-Atlantic | Best Buy | Country Cookin | "Create-a-Crear Workshop" | Fridays After Five | GameStop | Golden Corral | McIntire Park | Taco Bell | Burger King | Snooky's Pawn Shop


Cities of the World: Albemarle County, VA | Charlottesville, VA | Clarksville, VA | Greene County, VA | Harrisonburg, VA | Midlothian, VA | Richmond, VA | Ruckersville, VA | Standardsville, VA

Countries of the World: Molvanîa | Virginia | Ohio | California


Map of Chris's World

* CWCverse Locations *

CWCville main sights (map): CWCville City | CWCville Park/CWC-Central Park | CWCville Mall (CWCville Mayoral Office) (Full list of stores) | Jungle/Mountain Areas (Chameleon Cult Jungle Dojo) (Wild Sonichu's Treehouse) | Subdivision Areas (14 Brunchville Lane) | Target Mini-Marts | Walmart Mini-Marts

CWCville other places of note: Billy Mays Tower | Bolyn High | CWC-Cola Bottling Company | CWCee Dees | CWCville Beach (Pier 969) | CWCville Baptist Church | CWCville General Hospital | CWCville Studios | CWCville University | Cwick-Circuit City | Cwick City Gym | Double-CWC Hotel | KCWC | Layla's Apartment | Local Coffee Shop | Pokemon Center | Samuel Memorial United Christian Church | Sarah's Apartment Complex | Simonla Rosechu's Rabbit Hole | True Blue St. (CWCville Police Dept. 11th Precinct)

CWCville environs (map): Giovanni's Gym/Base | Kel's House | Pallet Town | Sonic's House | Station Square | Zapbud Fields

The Axis of Slaweel: Clarksville, Tennessee (4-cent_garbage.com HQ) | Cly's Mansion | Dark Mirror Hole | Dr.Robotnik's Base | Get-Tar Region | Giovanni's Gym/Base | Mal-Wart Region (M-C-Dville) | The Motherfucking Moon | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (PVCCitizens High School District) | Sho-Mall Region (Fa-Square) | Viridian City

Other places: Destiny Cave | Mysterious Rainbow Island | Mysterious Mountain | Nabe's Dojo-Shin | New Island | The Ocean | Parodyse Isle | RuleCWC | Time Void