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Fun fact: Rainbow colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.
I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.



I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.



Homos is the pejorative term by which Christian Weston Chandler nigh exclusively refers to gay people, almost invariably gay males. He also occasionally uses phrases, such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his internet fame in 2007, his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "STAY STRAIGHT" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his Love Quest, and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

Following his coming out as a "transgender lesbian" in 2014, Chris seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements of his, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights (although he included homosexual men only begrudgingly). He also seems to have overcome his previous aversion to using the word "gay," stating that "gays will be gays" and "it is good for them" while apologizing for his previous support of turning homosexual men straight. However, he apparently remains ambivalent about homosexual men on a personal level, though this seems to mostly stem from his general disdain for men (as well as ducks).

Fear of being a homo

Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.
A glimpse into the future?
"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."


—Chris. [3]

Chris's homophobia was just that: He was literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror was such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a pickle without being "freaked out"[4] and he has cited several techniques he believes are necessary to "maintain" his sexual attraction to women.[5][6][7]

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,[8] his dating education classes naturally being the reasonable solution to prevent people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt (and fail) to aggressively assert his straightness, using anything from a poster of Sailor Moon to objects as strange and totemic as his Optimus Prime toy.

You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.

Hatred of homos

Chris's animosity towards gay people seemed to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the trolls - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ad hominem attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on Rosechu must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively to describe gay men. This notion is not only demonstrably false, but in fact completely delusional, since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been female, and Chris has known it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male JERKS and inversely-proportional adoration of women.

Notably, in an IRC chat from 2 January 2009, Chris made this statement:

if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"


—Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.

Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto one of his own abominations.

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy where all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain Herr Himmler had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.


—Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.

On February 18, 2009, Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his gal pals and his sweethearts. However, this was done at the insistence of Julie; a mere month later Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 June 2009, he created a "music" video called Don't Trust Any Homos Over There which, in the CWC tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of Uncle Ruckus's satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from the pilot episode of The Boondocks.

Later on that same day, he published an apology for the video called I'm Sorry, Dude, and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like Stephen Fry, who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on LittleBigPlanet." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal pal Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq - Kim probably didn't take kindly to the first video.

Chris has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement.

"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."


—Chris. [9]

Of course, Chris sees no problem waving around his degenerate sexuality and showcasing real-life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mentions he loves other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.[10]

Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.


On July 26, 2009, Chris goes so far as to imply "gay" is a synonym for "stupid."

In the Mailbag section of the CWCipedia, Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the Family Guy episode "Family Gay"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals). This storyline finally came to light in Sonichu #10, where Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

Jack Thaddeus purchased advertisement space on the CWCipedia to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of Family Guy, pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. Chris unsurprisingly spat the dummy, stating:

I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's Audiobooks, BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.



In a phone call with Jack, Chris tactfully stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day 2009, the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter feed onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting it off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year 2010, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for Love In Action (an "ex-gay" ministry), (a site promoting Proposition 8), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that Avatar was a totally straight film. To sum it up: ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts--in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do not win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 January 2010, Chris responded to a Mailbag letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that Magi-Chan keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, 2003 just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!


Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because one woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville, yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And Magi-Chan will stay out of those people's heads under my request."[12] The reason why gays can't marry despite having "equal relationship rights" is not readily apparent.

On 30 January 2010, Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban, so that "the homos can go die in explosions."

On 15 August 2010, Bob showed the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the Matthew Noble call, Bob said that he believed (with no evidence to suggest it whatsoever) that a few homosexual kids were working alongside Mike and Megan to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

On the 5 Febuary 2012 entry on his Facebook page, he mentions buying Napoleon Dynamite because he learned 'that homo Andy Dick' didn't star in it. Whether Chris evaluates all of his movie purchases this way is unknown, but frankly not unlikely.

In a Facebook post on March 29th, 2013, Chris threw a tantrum over media coverage of homosexual unions. Ironically, he showed support towards lesbian couplings, which would totally defeat the purpose of his sweetheart search since that would mean he'd have even more competition for single women.

Views on lesbianism

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's Carrie rip-off, "The High School Story", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with male friends all the time. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.


—"The High School Story"

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a rambling and nonsensical video to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.


Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me! Hey, you! Hey, you! You need to be straight, girl! Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend!


Later, Chris would begin to revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In Sonichu, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by Heather Iglesias, whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."[13] He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.[13] Chris most likely shoehorned a lesbian character into Sonichu to appear more tolerant, although his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality. Heather's occupation and the fact that she is referred to as "Spanish" just because she is a Spanish-speaking Latina sheds harsh light on Chris's racial notions, quite apart from her token lesbianism.

In Mumble 1, Chris declares his support for lesbians and reiterates his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating how he hates JERKS in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claims in this chat that he supports lesbians solely because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, Sarah, my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.


—Chris, Mumble 1

Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.


—Chris, Mumble 1

On 28 March 2013, Chris posted a public Facebook message whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's Proposition 8 and DOMA deliberations. In it, he reiterates his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

Chris and transgender topics

Likelier than you think.
Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."

Chris has stated that, if he were to find himself experiencing pervasive same-sex attraction, he would undergo sex reassignment, so as to become a heterosexual woman, as opposed to a gay man.[14] (Note: He may have changed his position some time later.[15]) This implies that Chris considers trans women to be legitimately female, an uncharacteristically positive stance on an LGBT issue for Chris. Further, if the Tomgirl Saga is any indication, Chris himself may be genderqueer. During the aforementioned saga, Chris stated that "tomboys" and "tomgirls" ought to be allowed to use the restroom which matches their gender identity. A bona fide transgender activist might agree with such a sentiment, although Chris's motivations for this opinion are possibly (read: probably) informed by his irrational loathing of men and their ducks.

As of 14 August 2014, Chris openly identifies as transgender and claims to be supportive of LGBT rights, although with a caveat implying that he still personally hates the homos:

Just to keep it clear on the topic: I am a Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender. You can Google "Lesbian Identified Male" for more info on the subject. I am most sincerely into Women, and I am Female in my Soul. If you still persist, read my extensive response in the Comments of this Post. I am fully supporting Human Rights Equality, Regardless of my own emotions of some people, and I am fully supporting same sex marriage as well in that same regardless.

Please do not ask me any questions; just feel glad that I am on your side now and from now on the issues.

Thank you.



Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality

At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. No, it's not a shoop.
First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.


Mailbag #4 - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies (and eats imaginary man asses).

For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.
That's one phallic Lego tower you're building there, Chris.
Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a duck?
Totally not gay at all.
One... eyebrow.

Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to Playboy!"[16] every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

  • Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.[17]
  • He collects My Little Pony figures well into adulthood.
  • For a straight man, he sure does consume a lot of semen. Likewise, the idea of licking his own ejaculate off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
  • Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
  • In a PSN chat with Julie, Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having very specific auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded delighted describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
  • In the chat where Julie Reveals Herself, when Max told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an earlier chat reveals a part where Chris offers to show Max his dick.
  • He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the Vanessa Saga on 16 April 2009, he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."[18] Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
  • Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for Ivy "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.[19]
  • Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.[20]
  • Chris once drew Sonichu, a male character, on his duck.
  • During their correspondence, Jackie told Chris she was curious about anal sex.[21] Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,[22] leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
  • According to receipts uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
  • In the sex logs, Chris shows off a dildo to PandaHalo. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that goes up your butt, and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
  • On 5 February 2009, Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gaybian. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
  • When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from Max, Chris was given the choice of burning his medallion or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
  • When Julie finally revealed herself as a 13 year old boy, Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
  • Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a close-up picture of his anus, not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
  • He wears a pink belt buckle.
  • He owns a set of Anime Wings, which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
  • His best man at his wedding is Sarah Hammer in drag.
  • He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his visit to a local bar/restaurant, which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
  • Speaking of disco, his current iPhone ringtone is "Street Life" by The Crusaders and Randy Crawford. Disco is a genre popular amongst the homosexual.
  • Christian and the Hedgehog Boys features two covers of the Backstreet Boys, one of a Britney Spears song, and one of a Ricky Martin song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
  • Chris wears a bra. In fairness, he uses it to try to attract women.
  • He implores men to wear bras because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,[23][24] possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
  • When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you literally see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
  • In the PS3 History Level video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of the Sex and the City movie when he showcased his then-current collection of PS3 games and movies.
  • In his response to a letter in Mailbag 4 about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
  • Chris reacts to Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
  • In Sonichu #10, Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
  • One of Chris's ModNation Racers vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with rainbow lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.[25]
  • In the guise of his trollsona JenkinsJinkies, Chris used Trollin Train to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
  • In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
  • He made a drawing of Punchy wearing panties and a bra.
  • He also made a drawing of a Sonee and a Rosee in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks like an erect penis.
  • The Scrapbook of Fail contains a self portrait of Chris as the Yu-Gi-Oh! character Dark Magician Girl.
  • He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used the woman's washroom. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
  • On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as JenkinsJinkies was a fake. Aside from the fact that absolutely nobody fell for this at all, it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at seven?
  • It's not that cold shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind.
  • Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his objectification of women's bodies, he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
  • Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from The Boondocks called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
  • The fact that he uses a Sailor Moon poster to keep himself straight, implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of a gay icon will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
  • After Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the Dark Mirror Hole, he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
  • Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on Facebook containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that Mark Cuban is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in pride festivals, Delaware is one of the only states to uphold gay marriage, hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called Gay Chicken, and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's really gay.
  • In 2012, Chris signed in the CWCki Forums as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is an act of oral sex, which may refer to his duck.
  • Chris posted a picture on Facebook showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
  • Chris posted a pointless picture on Facebook, showing his eyebrow. Note that it's eyebrow and not eyebrows, as lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow.
  • Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality.
  • Chris wrote a Facebook post comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, to gay icon Judy Garland.
  • Attempting to prove that Christopher is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay pedofork animes on YouTube.
  • In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' (for the ladies, according to him), placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware (or outright doesn't care) that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet.
  • He went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014.
  • He is a member of the local gay club on facebook.

Defenses against becoming a homo

According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on vibrators). Srsly.

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a Sailor Moon poster which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to Playboy to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs as an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.[5] He also clarifies that one needs not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women not to drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.[26]

In Kill De Jack, Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: He covers a section of his "computer" (We can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse CWCipedia without looking at Jack Thaddeus's ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of Marge Simpson's Playboy edition has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to dissuade him.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he is at the very least sexually confused, and he is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

Chris on his alleged homosexuality

"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be having sex with THREE WOMEN?"
  • "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"[29]
  • "Yep, you heard me. I am...a gaaaaaaaaay...bian."[31]
  • "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."[32]
  • "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] No more of those stupid acquisition messages! Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! I. Am. STRAIGHT!"[33]

Curiously, in his own campaign ad, Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

Chris the lesbian

Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.

On 14 August 2014, Chris posted on his Facebook page that he is officially a "lesbian-identified man".[34] He posted a picture of someone holding an LGBT flag while proclaiming support for the equality movement. Chris stated that "I do not have a wristband yet, but I intend to get one later. I support the LBT fully; the G.M.s are fortunate to be on this boat." In September, he also announces his support of the Human Rights Campaign, and on the 18th says that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!"

It should be noted that while Chris may be still showing some animosity towards gay men, this is a fairly progressive stance compared to Chris's usual opinions. Notably, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals has been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homophobes, illustrating that Chris believes any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and has something wrong with them.

On the other hand, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The usual idea of a 'lesbian in man's body' is just something a guy might google after mass debating, and Chris's citation of Yahoo! Answers to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. If Chris has honestly had a turn of heart, and realized the errors in his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. However, considering his previous actions, it's probably unlikely.

On 31 October 2014, Chris spent his Halloween at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",[35] further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality. Although the same argument persists that Chris will not/does not accept change of any kind, it's worth some investment in that visiting a gay bar was THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life.

Sexuality, among all things, seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is surprising (or perhaps unsurprising) that it has changed so dramatically over time.

See also

CWCipedia logo.png
For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Homos


  1. Mailbag 31
  2. BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3
  3. E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *sigh*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm
  4. CWC's Second Message
  5. 5.0 5.1 Mailbag #3
  6. Mailbag #3
  7. Mailbag #4
  12. CWC Blog#12 January 2010
  13. 13.0 13.1 Cwcipedia: Sonichu
  14. Mumble 1 "I'd sooner have a sex change before I would ever turn into a homo."
  15. Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya "In his case of him, uh, having his operation and going through it, I feel that he would defi'itely not be considered any at all a woman- a woman whatsoever."
  16. CWC Update 18 January 2009
  17. Mumble 1
  18. Vanessa IRC Chat III
  19. Vanessa IRC Chat VII
  20. Vanessa IRC Chat IX
  21. Jackie E-mails 5
  22. Jackie E-mails 6
  23. Mailbag 55
  24. Mailbag #55
  26. Mailbag #5
  27. Masturbating and squirtin'
  28. Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008
  29. PS3 History Level
  30. IRC (20 January 2009)
  31. Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video
  32. Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video
  33. I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts
  34. August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda
  35. October 2014 Facebook Posts

External links


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See also: Minor CWC-isms | Chris and English