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Homos

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Fun fact: Rainbow colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.
 
 
I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.
 

 

Chris.[1]

 
 
I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.
 

 

—Chris.[2]

Homos is the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He has also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his internet fame in 2007, his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "STAY STRAIGHT" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his Love Quest, and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

At various times, most recently following his coming out as a "transgender lesbian" in 2014, Chris has seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights. In nearly every case, this has been at the request of a gal-pal or sweetheart, and like most of his apologies has been insincere. He apparently remains repulsed and unnerved by homosexual men on a personal level.

Fear of being a homo

Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.
A glimpse into the future?
 
 
"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."
 

 

—Chris. [3]

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause him to be "leered off the straight path." His terror has been such that he been barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a pickle without being "freaked out."[4] In Kill De Jack, Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the CWCipedia without looking at Jack Thaddeus's pro-gay advertisements. Nothing will get Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris's homophobia seems to have emerged sometime in 2006, as his very earliest expression of anxiety is his classic "Future Message," released in February 2007. At no time before this, either in his comics or his diary or his private correspondence, does he make any reference to homosexuality. It apparently grew out of the complex stew of his noviophobia, his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for girly toys, his own gender confusion, his loathing of male bodies, and autism.

You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.

Defenses against becoming a homo

According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on vibrators and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris uses many strange and totemic objects, from a poster of Sailor Moon to his Optimus Prime toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of Marge Simpson's Playboy edition was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribes to Playboy to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.[5] He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.[5][6][7]

Chris has also encouraged women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.[8] Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,[9] hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get dating education classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

Hatred of homos

Chris is not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hates all gay men. This animosity seems to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the trolls - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ad hominem attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on Rosechu must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only demonstrably false, but in fact completely delusional, since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male JERKS and inversely-proportional adoration of women.

Notably, in an IRC chat from 2 January 2009, Chris made this statement:

 
 
if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"
 

 

—Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.

Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto one of his own abominations.

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain Herr Himmler had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

 
 
[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.
 

 

—Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.

On 30 January 2010, Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "the homos can go die in explosions."

The universe of CWCville has also seen an anti-gay jihad. On 5 January 2010, Chris stated that Magi-Chan keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are arrested and fined heavily. In Sonichu #10, Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the Family Guy episode "Family Gay"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of Family Guy, pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon pickle. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

 
 
I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's Audiobooks, BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.
 

 

—Chris.[10]

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for Love In Action (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting Proposition 8), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would not win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly Bob had an influence, as the Matthew Noble call showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

 
 
I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, 2003 just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!
 

 

Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male JERKS. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with one woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

Chris knows that his homophobia is unpopular with his fans, and he has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On 18 February 2009, for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his sweethearts. However, this was done at the insistence of Julie; a mere month later Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 June 2009, Chris posted a "music" video called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of Uncle Ruckus's satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from The Boondocks. Later on that same day, he published an apology for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like Stephen Fry, who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on LittleBigPlanet." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And Magi-Chan will stay out of those people's heads under my request."[11] The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

More recently, not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart Catherine and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

 
 
I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).
 

 

—Chris[12]

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homophobes, illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and has personal flaws.

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, Reldnahc, his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.[13]

Chris on his alleged homosexuality

"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be having sex with THREE WOMEN?"
  • "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"[14]
  • "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! YOU'RE the homos! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"[15]
  • "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"[16]
  • "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC CLOSET AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."[17]
  • "Yep, you heard me. I am...a gaaaaaaaaay...bian."[18]
  • "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."[19]
  • "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] No more of those stupid acquisition messages! Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! I. Am. STRAIGHT!"[20]

“Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler’s Address to the Homosexuals

On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging screed on the CWCipedia which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full:

Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and Stress FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER Infinite Number Of Times, I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT. No Question or Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up. I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.

I am aware of the way I stutter, space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, I am Sometimes Retarded.

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING (Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory). It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old, during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever! I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT, No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.

I have also heard of My Sonichu being written in College Essays that promote homosexuality. And even worse, promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades. WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH! ALL Sonichus Are Straight! ALL Rosechus Are Straight! I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS. I, Sonichu and Rosechu, We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT! NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!

*sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.

I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight. Period.

Thank you.

Views on lesbianism

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's Carrie rip-off, "The High School Story", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

 
 
She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.
 

 

—"The High School Story"

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a rambling and nonsensical video to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

 
 

Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me! Hey, you! Hey, you! You need to be straight, girl! Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend!
 


 

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In Sonichu, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by Heather Iglesias, whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."[21] He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.[21] Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into Sonichu to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In Mumble 1, which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated JERKS in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

 
 
Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, Sarah, my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.
 

 

—Chris, Mumble 1

 
 
Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.
 

 

—Chris, Mumble 1

On 28 March 2013, Chris posted a public Facebook message whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's Proposition 8 and DOMA deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

Chris the lesbian

Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.

On 14 August 2014, Chris posted on his Facebook page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".[22] He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 October 2014, Chris spent that Halloween at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",[23] further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life.

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The usual idea of a "lesbian in man's body" is just something a guy might google after mass debating, and Chris's citation of Yahoo! Answers to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Whether or not Chris has had a turn of heart, and realized the error of his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. However, considering his previous actions, it's probably unlikely. Sexuality, among all things, seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Chris and transgender topics

Likelier than you think.
Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."

Chris has stated on numerous occasions that, if he were to find himself experiencing pervasive same-sex attraction, he would undergo sex reassignment, so as to become a heterosexual woman, as opposed to a gay man.[24] (Note: He may have changed his position some time later.[25]) This implies that Chris considers trans women to be legitimately female, an uncharacteristically positive stance on an LGBT issue for Chris. Further, if the Tomgirl Saga is any indication, Chris himself may be genderqueer. During the aforementioned saga, Chris stated that "tomboys" and "tomgirls" ought to be allowed to use the restroom which matches their gender identity. A bona fide transgender activist might agree with such a sentiment, although Chris's motivations for this opinion are possibly (read: probably) informed by his irrational loathing of men and their ducks.

As of 14 August 2014, Chris openly identifies as transgender and claims to be supportive of LGBT rights, although with a caveat implying that he still personally hates the homos:

 
 
Just to keep it clear on the topic: I am a Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender. You can Google "Lesbian Identified Male" for more info on the subject. I am most sincerely into Women, and I am Female in my Soul. If you still persist, read my extensive response in the Comments of this Post. I am fully supporting Human Rights Equality, Regardless of my own emotions of some people, and I am fully supporting same sex marriage as well in that same regardless.

Please do not ask me any questions; just feel glad that I am on your side now and from now on the issues.

Thank you.
 


 

—Chris

Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality

At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. No, it's not a shoop.
 
 
First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.
 

 

Mailbag #4 - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies (and eats imaginary man asses).

For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.
That's one phallic Lego tower you're building there, Chris.
Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a duck?
Totally not gay at all.
One... eyebrow.

Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to Playboy!"[26] every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

  • Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.[27]
  • He collects My Little Pony figures well into adulthood, and began this collecting way before Friendship is Magic premiered.
  • For a straight man, he sure does consume a lot of semen. Likewise, the idea of licking his own ejaculate off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
  • Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
  • In a PSN chat with Julie, Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having very specific auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded delighted describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
  • In the chat where Julie Reveals Herself, when Max told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an earlier chat reveals a part where Chris offers to show Max his dick.
  • He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the Vanessa Saga on 16 April 2009, he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."[28] Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
  • Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for Ivy "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.[29]
  • Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.[30]
  • Chris once drew Sonichu, a male character, on his duck.
  • During their correspondence, Jackie told Chris she was curious about anal sex.[31] Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,[32] leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
  • According to receipts uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
  • In the sex logs, Chris shows off a dildo to PandaHalo. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that goes up your butt, and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
  • On 5 February 2009, Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gaybian. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
  • When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from Max, Chris was given the choice of burning his medallion or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
  • When Julie finally revealed herself as a 13 year old boy, Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
  • Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a close-up picture of his anus, not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
  • He wears a pink belt buckle.
  • He owns a set of Anime Wings, which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
  • His best man at his wedding is Sarah Hammer in drag.
  • He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his visit to a local bar/restaurant, which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
  • Christian and the Hedgehog Boys features two covers of the Backstreet Boys, one of a Britney Spears song, and one of a Ricky Martin song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
  • Chris wears a bra. In fairness, he uses it to try to attract women.
  • He implores men to wear bras because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,[33][34] possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
  • When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you literally see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
  • In the PS3 History Level video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of the Sex and the City movie when he showcased his then-current collection of PS3 games and movies.
  • In his response to a letter in Mailbag 4 about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
  • Chris reacts to Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
  • In Sonichu #10, Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
  • One of Chris's ModNation Racers vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with rainbow lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.[35]
  • In the guise of his trollsona JenkinsJinkies, Chris used Trollin Train to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a duck.
  • In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
  • He made a drawing of Punchy wearing panties and a bra.
  • He also made a drawing of a Sonee and a Rosee in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks suspiciously like an erect penis.
  • The Scrapbook of Fail contains a self portrait of Chris as the Yu-Gi-Oh! character Dark Magician Girl.
  • He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used the woman's washroom. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
  • On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as JenkinsJinkies was a fake. Aside from the fact that absolutely nobody fell for this at all, it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at seven?
  • It's not that cold shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind, all in an attempt to re-enact The Silence of the Lambs.
  • Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his objectification of women's bodies, he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
  • Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from The Boondocks called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
  • The fact that he thinks that staring at a poster will keep himself straight implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of Sailor Moon, a gay icon, will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
  • After Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the Dark Mirror Hole, he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
  • Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on Facebook containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that Mark Cuban is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in pride festivals, Delaware is one of the only states to uphold gay marriage, hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called Gay Chicken, and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's really gay.
  • In 2012, Chris signed in the CWCki Forums as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is act slang for oral sex, which may refer to his duck.
  • Chris posted a picture on Facebook showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
  • Chris posted a pointless picture on Facebook, showing his eyebrow. Note that it's eyebrow and not eyebrows, as lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow.
  • Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality--"Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer."
  • Chris wrote a Facebook post comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (among many others), to gay icon Judy Garland.
  • Attempting to prove that Christopher is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay pedofork animes on YouTube.
  • In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' (for the ladies, according to him), placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware (or outright doesn't care) that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet.
  • He went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014.
  • He is a member of the local gay club on facebook.
  • He once glitterbombed Sega. Glitterbombing was started by the gay community as a way to protest opponents of gay marriage.
  • His can of mace is colored pink.

See also

CWCipedia logo.png
For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Homos

Sources

  1. Mailbag 31
  2. BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3
  3. E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *sigh*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm
  4. CWC's Second Message
  5. 5.0 5.1 Mailbag #3
  6. Mailbag #3
  7. Mailbag #4
  8. Mailbag #5
  9. http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education
  10. http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links
  11. CWC Blog#12 January 2010
  12. September 2014 Facebook Posts
  13. Commissions
  14. Masturbating and squirtin'
  15. Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008
  16. PS3 History Level
  17. IRC (20 January 2009)
  18. Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video
  19. Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video
  20. I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts
  21. 21.0 21.1 Cwcipedia: Sonichu
  22. August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda
  23. October 2014 Facebook Posts
  24. Mumble 1 "I'd sooner have a sex change before I would ever turn into a homo."
  25. Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya "In his case of him, uh, having his operation and going through it, I feel that he would defi'itely not be considered any at all a woman- a woman whatsoever."
  26. CWC Update 18 January 2009
  27. Mumble 1
  28. Vanessa IRC Chat III
  29. Vanessa IRC Chat VII
  30. Vanessa IRC Chat IX
  31. Jackie E-mails 5
  32. Jackie E-mails 6
  33. Mailbag 55
  34. Mailbag #55
  35. http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110
CWC-isms

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Dating education | Gal pal | Heart level | Sweetheart | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | Gaybian | Hanky-panky | Homos | Honest Content | Mass debating | Navy | Pickle | Raincoat | Recycling | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Cherokian Clan | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fangs | Fuzzy-wuzzies | Honor roll | Mental Block | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Prickly-Wicklies | Random-access humor | Scale of Respect | Heart level | Tomgirl

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Parody | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt | Reeb

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkop | Kick the Autistic | Laughs Under Lucricities | Manajerks | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Tobacky

Cursewords: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Naïve | Niggos | Pedofork | Slow-in-the-minds

See also: Minor CWC-isms | Chris and English