|“||All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages.||”|
Christian Weston Chandler has changed a great deal over the course of his stay on the Internet. Those who are new to Christory may become confused by Chris’s ever-changing (and increasingly bizarre) personalty from year to year. The goal of this page is to familiarize readers with the eras of Chris - how he and those around him have changed over time - presenting a grim descent into madness from which recovery is unthinkable. Part brief history and part brief character study (with some speculation included); this page has been split up into five sections.
Pre-Discovery: 1982 to 2007
While Chris blames trolling as the root of his issues, his biggest character flaws first became apparent during his childhood. It must be said that the attention Chris gained did little to change his behavior, rather, Chris gained the attention of the Internet because of his behavior in the first place.
It can be assumed that Chris’s victim complex and sense of entitlement is due in part to his parents coddling him. Both Barb and Bob frequently defended their son, to the point that they pursued a court case against Nathanael Greene Elementary School due to the (alleged) mistreatment of Chris. The couple’s lack of disciplinary actions possibly originated out of the fear that harsh treatment would break Chris, leading to another period of muteness, or worse.
Whatever the cause of Chris’s egotism is, his feeling of entitlement would reach a breaking point during college. It was at this point when Chris’s lack of a girlfriend (read: "presence of virginity") pushed him to seek out a significant other. His decently normal attempt in at getting a boyfriend-free girl in high school had failed, so Chris’s thought process turned to cartoonish plots that he believed would somehow work in place of socially acceptable behavior that had gotten every so-called jerk a girlfriend. It was with the advent of his Love Quest that Chris proved himself oblivious to social norms to the highest degree, even for someone with autism. Instead of actively trying to improve himself, the infamous Attraction Sign and lesser-known-but-equally-bizarre Red String of Fate were Chris’s "reasonable" girlfriend-attaining methods of choice. The whole world seemed to be against his noble goal, from Mary Lee Walsh to the security at the locales he haunted. Rather than this pushback discouraging Chris, it only seemed to harden his resolve.
The alternate reality of CWCville in Chris’s Sonichu comics illustrate his desire to succeed and control and is representative of his inability to accomplish such things in reality. Battling the evil Slaweel Ryam, Jerkops, a physical manifestation of his views on homosexuality, and a woman with a penis; Chris in his comics has all the strength, autonomy, and charm that real-life Chris lacks. The creation of his own vivid world allowed Chris to deny the hardships of real life and make no attempt at self-improvement. When viewed through the lens of a wish-fulfillment fantasy, the comics become depressing, revealing, and disturbing. Despite Chris’s attempts at painting himself as heroic (with Crayola markers), the comic version of himself is shockingly violent. The crimes committed by comic-Chris may be nothing more than an outlet to vent anger, but the brutality depicted is far from an acceptable coping method. Emotion and reason are in Sonichu are simplified and basic- as is the case with most child-targeted media- but Chris actually believes the characters of the comics and the actions they take are realistic. The Sonichu comics are the first insight into Chris’s unreal sense of self and tenuous relationship with reality.
Chris cites his parents as being "old fashioned" with conservative beliefs, but it is likely that his ideas on race came from media he consumed. Unaware of parody in shows like Family Guy, Chris took stereotypes as fact and viewed minorities as individuals lacking complexity. Some bigotry aside, Chris’s racism was far less prevalent or identifying as his homophobia. According to Chris, his homophobia came about when the supposedly gay principal at Nathanael Greene Elementary assaulted him. Whether this incident was the catalyst for Chris’s hatred of gays (or if his account of events is correct) cannot be known for sure, although his distain of nearly all men and fear of becoming gay plays a large role in his homophobia.
Chris’s relationship with Megan Schroeder encapsulates every reason why he is so undesirable as a friend and potential boyfriend. Autism undoubtedly hindered his ability to understand how to get a woman to like him, and he would simply become a fan of whatever cartoon Megan was into. This approach is probably based in the reasoning that if Chris became her friend due to Yu-Gi-Oh, becoming her boyfriend would be as easy as sharing more interests with her. Megan didn’t appreciate his method, but she did realize that Chris’s obsessions with her hobbies could be turned into profit, so she had him buy photos from the second world war on eBay for her. If Chris wasn’t as easy to take advantage of, their relationship might not have lasted for as long as it did. Despite Megan being the closest gal pal Chris had ever known, he couldn’t stop himself from being a creep against her wishes. Unwanted physical contact and begging for dates gradually pushed Megan away, and the final straw was ShecameforCWC.JPG and her ensuing email exchanges with Chris. His inability to take full responsibility for the defacement of his closest friend doomed their relationship.
Thinking all personal problems are created by external sources is one of the most detrimental things a person can believe, and it is the common denominator that runs through all eras.
Classic Trolling: 2007 to 2010
Chris had trouble operating in a society which wasn’t (contrary to his belief) going out of its way to make him miserable, so an incorporeal force of saboteurs trolling him made Chris’s worst attributes rear their ugly heads. Chris showed himself to be a goldmine for trolling because of his obvious goals, his boundless naïvete, and- most importantly- his reactions. The first sign that Chris was a prime trolling target was his response to Evan’s email. 4chan’s homoerotic fanart provoked Chris into writing a response which revealed his hubris, believing the trolls to be well-intentioned but misinformed fans. The trolls and observers which gathered around him bolstered his ego as he believed they truly enjoyed his comics. Legendary trolling ensued. The events are too numerous to account here, but the general takeaway should be Chris’s extreme gullibility and desperation for female companionship.
In the first case of boyfriend-free girl fabrication, Joshua Martinez convinced Chris with a few words and picture of Vanessa Hudgens that the smoking hot babe Lori Lopez was into him. While one cannot entirely blame Chris for thinking a girl had romantic interest in him, the slightest bit of self-awareness would have made him realize that Lori was fake. "It is strange that a girl I’ve never met is interested in me now, despite my direct approach with the attraction sign repeatedly failing," was not a thought that crossed Chris’s mind. Even after Lori was revealed as a fake, Chris jumped at the next opportunity at a girlfriend- Blanca Weiss, who was another troll. Chris and Blanca separated only a couple months after they began contact, and she was immediately replaced with PandaHalo, who was- you guessed it- yet another troll. Next came Julie, then Ivy, followed by Kacey (sort of), then Jackie, and so on and so forth. What trolls lacked in originality, Chris made up for in blind acceptance.
The motivation behind such intensive trolling varies from case-to-case. The commonly-cited "for the lulz" explanation holds little water due to the fact that there are a variety of methods for experiencing funny things which don’t involve spending time harassing people on the internet. Some may excuse their behavior through the belief that Chris legitimately deserves to suffer for one reason or another. Others may enjoy the power than can be exercised through manipulation and the debasement of another person, like the case of BlueSpike’s sadism. Others, still, might believe that trolling could be a path to making Chris a better person, such as Kacey. Some such as Vivian Gee may have initially been friends of a sort with Chris but became fed up with him and sook revenge by trolling. Infinitely more information is available on Chris and the often-primitive desires behind his actions than the combination of every troll who has manipulated him, so the exact motives behind some individuals may be lost to time.
Tomgirl/Transgender: 2011 to 2017
The biggest change Chris has undergone is that of his gender identity, shifting from identifying as male to identifying as female over the course of several years beginning around 2011. His laziness is a factor impeding his efforts to pass: His face has gone unshaven again and again, and altercation of his voice in order to sound more feminine rarely lasts for more than a minute in any video. However, the drastic measure of Chris slicing his taint open as well as taking hormone replacement therapy speaks to a legitimate desire to be female. Either way, Chris has been going as "Christine" for years now, so in no way is this a phase.
It was around this point that trolling became unfashionable. The tragedy of Bob’s death (considered to be one of the most sympathetic people in Christory) caused the Miscreants to end their three-year-long trolling campaign. The next three years after Chris came out as transgender passed without incident. The notable antics that occurred afterward were entirely due to Chris. The Sonic Boom Protests happened to be some of the most ridiculous antics Chris has gotten up to, and not a single troll influenced his fury toward the blue-arm redesign of the titular hedgehog. Chris’s hatred of Sonic’s new look was that of which only autism could produce. Autistics usually prefer familiarity and dislike change, but the degree to which the minor change enraged Chris bordered on insanity. In his mind, any change to Sonic’s appearance was desecration of the character. Chris put hours into his protests, calling upon his supposed legions of fans and tard raging on Facebook, as well as personally emailing SEGA. Chris fully believed he had the power to make SEGA recall hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of merchandise because he didn’t like Sonic’s blue arms. The Sonic Boom Protests culminated in him pepper spraying a Gamestop employee on 26 December 2014.
However controversial Chris’s change in identity, it did give him a greater sense of one. In place of the Church which had grown tired of him, Chris began associating with Cville Pride and the LGBT crowd as a whole. 2015, '16, and '17 might have been the last years where Chris truly felt like he belonged somewhere. While his excursions to LGBT events were (unsurprisingly) prompted by his desire for a sweetheart, attendance at pride parades, festivals, and the Impulse Gay Social Club gave Chris the social interaction he was lacking. He was happy for some time. Unfortunately, Chris’s past turned out to be inescapable. The Idea Guys got in contact with Chris in late 2017, and demolished his weak grip on reality the following year.
Post-Idea Guys: 2017 to present
Today, Chris is more pitied than ever because of his warped sense of reality. Incapable of facing the ugly truths like his debt, worsening health of his mother, and lack of self-worth, he has fully embraced the unreality brainwashed into him by the Idea Guys. After crushing his prior beliefs under the weight of dead memes and unfunny references to Nazism, dictatorships and assorted offensive statements (none of which Chris appears to have really understood), the Idea Guys continued to circle for quite some time, extorting him of vast sums of money and threatening to report him to the FBI if he refused. Though the intervention of the Guard Dogs put an end to the Idea Guys, Chris was forever changed by them, with perhaps the most peculiar effect being his messiah complex on-par with that of cult leaders.
Chris’s popularity is at an all-time high, and the infamous trolls who dispersed in back in 2011 have since been replaced with legions of weens, white knights, and enablers (not always mutually exclusive). The approaches of these individuals may be less disruptive than the trolls who came before them, but pretty much anyone in contact with Chris will either have a negative effect on him or be negatively affected by him.
Now that nothing short of a miracle can save Chris from eviction once Barb dies, he plans to facilitate one. The Dimensional Merge is Chris’s make-believe get-out-of-jail-free card. It is the fulfilment of all his desires: Once the merge is complete, his polyamorous marriage will be official, his funds in CWCville will save him from debt, he’ll be recognized as the goddess he is, all the trolls will be culled, his beloved fictional characters will be real, and Lisa Simpson will become the POTUS. The merge was supposed to be completed over two years ago. The ridiculousness of the merge has culminated in Chris claiming to have switched bodies with Sonichu to travel back in time and prevent the outbreak of COVID-19, go to a brony convention (which had been canceled due to the pandemic) in an alternate universe, and also facilitate the completion of the merge or something like that. Once again, Chris shows his utter inability to cope with inconveniences, and has taken the most radical approach to coping.
The Future: 20XX
What does the future hold for Christian Weston Chandler? Many onlookers brace for the inevitable death of Barb, who looks more and more like a deflated balloon with every day. Her passing will lead to major disruptions in Chris’s life, chief among them being eviction. Is it only a matter of time before the long-anticipated "homeless saga" occurs? Could a heroic white-knight swoop in and rescue him from financial ruin? Will Chris ever break free from the delusions induced by the Idea Guys? Is there still a possibility that Chris can get a real sweetheart? Place your bets, gal-pals and gentlejerks. Speculation is all any of us can do for now, and such speculation may be preferential to the reality which will occur.
- Chris Chan's Public Announcement | Statements made around 3:10
- Laura Beth Dorazio
- Nathanael Greene Elementary School#Chris's other side of the story
- Megan emails, 2005-2006#Megan wants a Tintin tape ...among other things
- CWC's Diary#Entries
- Masturbating and squirtin'
- Sonic Boom Protests#Greatest Mistake Ever
- August 2014 Facebook Posts#On the prowl for centerfolds