Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"

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as this Is the first time ever reading it, you will see fresh responses in my facial expressions.
 

 

—Chris

Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire" is a video uploaded 30 July 2016, to an alternate Youtube account, in which Chris reads from A Girl Who Brought Down the World, a 2008 novelette by Vivian Gee that she sent him 7 years prior. Chris claimed not to have been paid for doing this.

Also of note, Chris and Barb still haven't unpacked all their boxes since moving back home a year and a half ago.

On 7 August, Chris reuploaded the video to his CwcvilleGuardian account after his two week ban from uploading videos expired, but misspelled the title as Reading "A Girl Who Fought the World", and a House Fire as Well.

A second part appeared on 8 August, in which one of the Chandler dogs can be heard barking in misery.

Chapter 1

Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"
Stardate 30 July 2016
Subject Matter Vivian Gee, A Girl Who Brought Down the World
Performance Style ReasonReason Reason
Saga Financhu CrisisFinanchu Crisis Financhu Crisis
Shirt The Happy HagThe Happy Hag The Happy Hag
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
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Machine Romans
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Singing "All of the Lights"


Description

Reading Chapter One

This is Not a Paid request; I genuinely have been curious in this near-decade old book, and I take any parodies with the grain of salt, regardless. And as this Is the first time ever reading it, you will see fresh responses in my facial expressions.

via YouTube Capture

Transcript

CWCism-IllBreakYouDead.png  This media needs a transcript. Help CWCki by transcribing the audio. If the audio is too long, transcribe select portions which are funny or informative.

[Puts down camera]

Hello everybody, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live [Takes off glasses then drops them] from home once again and I'm just fumbling with my glasses, [Does a very crude fake laugh]. Anyway, so yes we have been busy around here, we've been throwing out lots and lots of boxes, actually going through them since we moved back here, [sighs] Christma- uh no New years ev- New years eve today, today, to the following day [sighs] in 2014. Which then turned to 2015 [Strokes hair backwards and puts glasses back on].

Anyway, among which I found a book that i have been curious about for a little- for a- little- for a while 'cuz I've actually never read it, and, I'm gonna start reading it, in a series. So pretty much, uh, A Girl Who Brought Down the World, who survived a house fire [Lifts up book and makes a "pew" noise]. You know the one that the author had actually sent me, a proof copy, uh so anyways [Opens Book], I have been curious so, I'm gonna start reading it now. In a, video- in another video, series, so okay. This is on my own personal merit, nobody has paid me or asked me to do this [Dogs bark in the background].

Okay Chapter one, neighbours

[Starts reading in a high pitched girly voice], Hello my name is Kid, I'm just a cute girl, at least that's what everybody tells me, I don't have many friends in the city that i live in, my parents moved here because dad got a new job, I mean, it's only been 2 hours and I'm already lonely. Kid! Kid! Come on down it's time for dinner, called Mimi, Kid's Mom from downstairs. School doesn’t start until August so until then, I guess I’m going to be sad, huh? Oh well, at least sis is around to keep me company, Kid writes in her diary, Coming!

What’s this? asked Kid. It’s some frozen lasagna that Dad brought home from work, Mimi replied. What’s in it? Stuff that’ll kill you like soya lecithin,[Makes a whining noise] cracked Vivian, Kid’s older sister. I don’t want to die! Relax, Kid. Vivian, apologise, Vivian! apologise! demanded- oh I used the wrong voice- demanded Miles, the father. Fine. Don’t worry, Kid, this stuff won’t kill you, unless this was made in China! This was made from panda? Enough. Kid, just eat. It’s good,” Miles responded as he finished off his plate.

I guess I never finished explaining everyone in my family, did I? My Dad’s name is Miles, he works in nanotechnology. He got hi- this fancy job in this city and he gets paid a lot of money. He promised to throw a great birthday party with all the new friends I’ll make, but I don’t think I will ever get to fit in this place. I mean I just tried talking to the neighbor and he was really evil!

Sis, we should get ourselves acquainted with the neighbors. I have a feeling we’ll be able to find friends for you, explained Vivian. But Viv, all I’ve seen are adults in suits. I haven’t seen a single kid around here my age! Don’t worry; I’m sure they’re all hiding in their houses because of the city’s murder rate shooting up seven percent. Vivian! Stop scaring me! Dad told you to stop! Well, I…I’m sort of not making that up. Read this.

On the list of city figures, murder rate was listed as increasing by seven percent from 102 to 109. Viv…I don’t like this place. Oh come on, I mean, we’re not living in the slums where the homeless can get us. Besides, I’m too ugly to be raped. What’s raped? Nothing. Come on. Let’s meet our new neighbors.

The two approached the door. Kid looked as cute as she described herself. Vivian had not brushed her hair. As the door opened, their hearts stopped as a large, smelly man greeted them. Vivian hesitated, Yo, my name’s Vivian, and this is my sister Kid. We’re gonna be your new neighbors from now on. Kid, say something. S…something.

[Chris does an impression reminiscent of his Monty Python impression] Hello, my name is Christopher Winnfield Vega, but you can call me Christopher or Chris for short. Vivian replied, So, you got any kids? Something around her age? She’d like some new friends. Uh, wait... I would like to have a daughter of my own one day. I hope she might look just as cute as your sister but not like you, Vivian.

What? What is that supposed to mean!? I’m saying I hope my future daughter does not look like you. Vivian stared at him speechless. She could not think of anything to say to respond to such a blunt statement. I know I’m cute, thank you mister! squealed Kid. Would you two like to come in? Christopher asked.

Sure! exclaimed Kid.

Kid waltzed on in while Vivian, still speechless, followed her. At the entrance stood a few pictures of Christopher and a beautiful woman, one of them being a crudely drawn picture done with crayon. Woah, Chris, are you a garbage man? asked Vivian. No, I am unemployed at the moment.

The living room was full of empty pizza boxes, empty soda bottles with the front of the TV being the only part seemingly clear of any garbage. In contrast, the small kitchen looked like it had not been touched in ages. The sisters were lucky they kept their shoes on as they waded to what looked like a couch.

You shouldn’t sit there, Christopher warned, That’s just garbage [Makes a short farting noise]. They waded to what was actually a couch and sat down. There was a squishy noise as the two sat down on it. Vivian decided to crack a crude joke while Kid complained that she was getting scared. There’s nothing to be afraid of; although, there is something on my mind. Hey Chris, what was up with all those pictures? Is that your wife? Vivian asked.

Err No, she used to be a friend of mine until some jerks tore us apart, Chris angrily muttered. Oh, what happened? You would like to know? Of course, I’m intrigued.

Well, it all happened when I was sitting at the front of Waynesworth Enterprises. I was looking for a girlfriend to make into the perfect wife when a cop decided to have me move aside because I was "attracting unwarranted attention”, he mimicked, Then I punched him in the face and I had to spend a day in jail because they enjoy kicking me around!

Uh. Wow, man but that didn’t answer my question about that girl though.

Oh, her name was Mel. We used to be great friends. She worked for Waynesworth Enterprises and we both shared an interest in playing Rocket Flingers- Huh, there's a pun there. I was setting up my Rocket Flingers one day in front of the company and it turns out that she had her own set of Rocket Flingers to duel mine! I remember the first time we dueled; I had my Nuclear Spider attack her Rhino Rocket for 70 points of damage! It was a critical slam attack! She told me to meet her at Game Wars every Friday for a weekly tournament! I felt my heart rise every time I went to a tournament. Each time she won, I tried to hug her but she pushed me away. She said she could have me arrested. I asked why and she only said that it is a law. Only after I attempted to kiss her once, did a cop show up and tear us apart! That was not the end of my friendship though; those jerks thought they could stop me and her from experiencing the true love I felt! I remember once, I held her hand and it was the greatest moment of my life. She was crying on my shoulder and I will never forget that moment. I felt the emotional connection between us had reached a new level. It was going smoothly between us until those jerks showed up again. I remember being given a folder and told to never come to Game Wars ever again! I tried to fight those cops but they just beat me and kicked me! I tried once to get to Game Wars for old time’s sake, but those cops beat me again! I was so angry that I have not stepped outside my house since except for when I get hungry.

Holy shit, this guy is insane, thought Vivian. I’m thirsty; do you have anything to drink? Kid asked, breaking the awkward silence. Yes, I have my own brand of soda! Hold on, Christopher said as he struggled to reach the top of the refrigerator. As he handed the drink to Kid, Vivian slapped it out of his hands. I forgot…I had brought water! Right! Vivian explained as she whispered, Kid, never accept anything this guy gives you. Ever. Why? she whispered back.

Vivian struggled to come up with answer that would not expose Kid to the horrors of the real world. Kid, it’s time you learned the truth about Christopher. He’s really Santa Claus’s evil brother! He’s trying to trick you into getting onto his naughty list! So never accept anything from him or you will make Santa sad. Sheesh, that's a, cruel, bad lie.

Oh! I really want that hamster doll for Christmas. Thanks sis, I’ll make sure never to accept anything from evil Santa Claus. You hear me, evil Santa! You’ll never trick me! Kid screamed. Christopher had only been staring off at his ceiling ever since Vivian smacked the drink out of his hands. He had just been sitting patiently just watching the two whisper the entire time.

My name is not Santa, he replied, It is Christopher Winnfield Vega, but you can call me Christopher or Chris. And Kid, never bring up anything related to Christmas to him ever again! He might get suspicious and put you on the naughty list anyway! Vivian hastily explained. Oh, okay. I can see the evil in him. He really is fat enough to be Santa’s evil brother!

Vivian sighed for a breath of relief; however, the two still needed to make it out of his front door alive.Err I do not see the water that you said you had, Vivian, Christopher mumbled. Oh, that’s right! I left it at home! Come on, Kid, let’s go home!

My sister told me never to go over there ever again. She said he was about as bad as our old Chinese neighbors. I always liked them. They shouted funny words. My Mom’s name is Mimi. When she was younger, she used to have dreams about being a famous actress but was crushed when they told her she wasn’t pretty enough. I still think she is pretty. I tell her that everyday.

Hi Mom! Me and sis were just talking with evil Santa Claus! Don’t worry, I’m not going to be on the naughty list! Also, you look pretty today! Alright, Kid. Vivian, we need to talk. The two sat as Vivian attempted to explain the situation.Hmm [Mumbles] Which is why I say we should move, again. I do not want to live next to a maniac who will potentially [Switches from girly voice to Gollum] gut and rape me.

[Goes back to regular girly voice] Vivian! You always go around saying our neighbors are terrible people. This is why you need to learn people skills. Yeah, that’ll get you places in life, just like that acting career, huh Mom? I will speak to this Christopher first thing in the morning.

Mom always replies that one day she will make it big, but is happy being my mom. My sister’s name is Vivian. She goes to high school and gets in trouble a lot. I still really like her. I’m glad she’s my sister. One time, I accidentally broke the family vase and she took the blame for me. And just now, she warned me about evil Santa! Mom says that she is going to invite him for dinner tomorrow.

Oh, Hello, my name is Mimi, the mother of Kid and Vivian. I apologize for any hassle they may have brought to you Christopher. You are very pretty. What race are you? Christopher asked. Oh, many people mistake me for German, but I’m actually part Italian and part African. Christopher shuddered as soon as she finished her sentence.

Is something wrong, Christopher? Nothing, if you were different, you would fit in my standards. What do you mean? You see, I have been struggling…

Christopher went on to explain his crisis to Mimi.

Oh Christopher, one day you will find that special someone just like I did. Say, would you like to come in for dinner say at around seven? It has been a long time since anyone has asked me to do anything. Okay, thank you Mimi. I will show up at seven.

But it’s okay, because Vivian said she will protect me with her life. She is so nice. Anyway, that about wraps it up for everyone in my family. Oh, how could I forget Mittens, our cat! We brought her all the way to the city and she just seems to fit in fine. I can see her at my door right now! That’s all the time I have today, tomorrow, maybe I’ll talk about how that dinner went. I hope he doesn’t come! Love, Kid.

[Puts book down and closes it] Okay, well, huh [Makes fart noise] 2008 this book was written, huh, well tune in next time for when i read chapter 2. I'm still mixed feelings about it, in regards- aside from the parodies and... This is supposed to be a comedy as it says on the bottom left hand corner on the back, hmm. It doesn't sound so funny to me. Okay? There you go, have a good day. [switches off camera]

Chapter 2

Chris continues his reading of Vivian Gee's story. He looks extremely uncomfortable throughout the video. Notably, he replaces the name of the main villain (himself) to Christabelle. This is likely an immature tacit Chris uses to evade the blatant disparagement of his character. This is extremely bizarre, as his desire to separate himself from the story conflicts with his massive ego (he can't allow a fictional story to portray himself as his biological sex, despite it having been written before the Tomgirl Saga). Essentially, Chris tries to have his cake and eat it too.


Reading A Girl Who Brought Down the World, Chapter 2
Stardate 8 August 2016
Subject Matter Vivian Gee, A Girl Who Brought Down the World
Performance Style ReasonReason Reason
Saga Financhu CrisisFinanchu Crisis Financhu Crisis
Shirt The Shattered HeartThe Shattered Heart The Shattered Heart
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous
Singing "All of the Lights"
next
To Shelly

Description

Reading Chapter Two

This is Not a Paid request; I genuinely have been curious in this near-decade old book, and I take any parodies with the grain of salt, regardless. And as this Is the first time ever reading it, you will see fresh responses in my facial expressions.

via YouTube Capture

Transcript

CWCism-IllBreakYouDead.png  This media needs a transcript. Help CWCki by transcribing the audio. If the audio is too long, transcribe select portions which are funny or informative.

Chapter 3 and 4

A Girl Who Brought Down The World 3 and 4
Stardate 23 August 2016
Subject Matter Vivian Gee, A Girl Who Brought Down the World
Performance Style ReasonReason Reason
Saga Financhu CrisisFinanchu Crisis Financhu Crisis
Shirt Turquoise Tank TopTurquoise Tank Top Turquoise Tank Top
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous
Singing an ol' diddy
next
I'd like someone with a 3D Printer, Locally, please

Description

Reading Chapters Three and Four

This is Not a Paid request; I genuinely have been curious in this near-decade old book, and I take any parodies with the grain of salt, regardless. And as this Is the first time ever reading it, you will see fresh responses in my facial expressions.

via YouTube Capture

Paid Video Requests Chris's videos August 2016 Paid Video Requests