The Wallflower


 * For the CWCipedia page, see Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page).

"And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic virgin? ... Not even a cheap whore would want your small dick inside her, neither would I."

- The Wallflower, speaking for women everywhere.

"The Wallflower" is the codename of Megan Schroeder's heiress, a female friend that Chris met some time around early 2010. She is one of the few girls Chris has managed to associate with in his post-high school years who is not (as far as can be seen) a direct result of trolling. In March 2010, she joined the long list of would-be sweethearts with whom Chris failed to lose his hated virginity.

The Wallflower wanted the relationship over after a troll linked The Wallflower to the CWCki. The ending of their relationship is most likely a result of having her details leaked over the Internet and Chris exacerbating the problem. Nevertheless, Chris has taken it upon himself to blame those goddamn trolls for destroying yet another chance at getting some china.

The "relationship"
"It was getting deep. We hung out at her house in her room; it was comfy. No sex or mouth-to-mouth."

- Chris explains the deepness of his relationship with The Wallflower



Based on an email Chris sent to Vivian Gee, he met The Wallflower on 22 January 2010 at a "Young Adult Social Group", to which she went at the advice of her mother. The Wallflower told Chris on the very same day she first met him that that she's not ready for a romantic relationship. As will be shown below, Chris was not deterred by that statement and still thought that he had a serious shot at becoming The Wallflower's boyfriend.



On 25 January 2010 an email correspondence between The Wallflower and Chris started. The first public signs of Chris's involvement with The Wallflower showed up in late January 2010. In Mailbag #46, answered on 26 January, Chris claimed to have joined a "Young Adult Social Group" and "met a lovely woman there who likes me too; we are hitting it off like two hip wallflowers". Around the same time, in Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #3 (which took place on 30 January), Chris said he was expecting a phone call that may have been from her.

In the 14 February 2010 edition of the CWC Blog, Chris declared that "currently, my girl friend and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly". When a correspondent in Mailbag #56 challenged Chris to prove the existence of his new "girl friend", Chris replied "she does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all".

The relationship was, at best, "just friends". Chris himself has confirmed this in one of his posts on the Sonichu Forum and again in a private chat with Jackie.

In a series of e-mails to Vivian, it was revealed that Chris had been seeing The Wallflower for a while, treating her as his girlfriend in almost the same manner he had treated Megan. He had taken her out on a date and had plans for a second. He even admitted to attempting to talk her into taking his virginity on or before his birthday, and had planned to pay for a prostitute if she did not.

Even with all evidence to the contrary, in his "C-Ya Later" video, he unabashedly refers to her as his "girlfriend", despite outright stating earlier that she had refused all his advances.

A series of e-mails revealed by Surfshack Tito reveals that Chris's attachment to The Wallflower had been a one-sided relationship to Chris as The Wallflower, indeed, had no intention of being with Chris and was shocked and appalled at the fact that Chris even thought that she was his sweetheart.

The "break-up"
"Got-Dang Asexual Woman!"

- Chris in his CWCipedia page on The Wallflower.



When Chris released a LittleBigPlanet level that revealed The Wallflower's identity, one troll decided to link her to the CWCki.

On 10 March 2010, Chris released a message to the trolls. Emotionally distraught, he speaks in vague terms about troll interference in his life, and of the pains of a broken heart. At the same time, in a Captain's Log entry on the CWCipedia, Chris mentioned "BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME", which presumably refers to her cutting off all contact with him.

In the wee hours of 11 March 2010, Chris released a second video, in which he acted out a theoretical meeting between him and an imaginary Clyde Cash that ended with Chris slitting an invisible Clyde Cash's throat. Going by that, it's likely that Chris initially blamed the loss of The Wallflower on his old nemesis.

However, on 14 March 2010, Chris uploaded a new video and shifted the blame to another troll, Surfshack Tito. In between delivering bizarre threats of violence, Chris makes a resolution to "regain the love and trust and friendship" of his gal pal. It is not clear why Chris believes he can accomplish this goal by donning a kilt, waving around a small knife, putting on a grotesque attempt at a Scottish accent, and generally presenting a hideous affront to the culture and people of an entire nation.

Later that same day, Chris made another video where he again referred to The Wallflower by her pen name, and literally begged her to sleep with him because his life was so hard, and otherwise he would have to pay $100 for sex with a hooker.

In the Surfshack Tito E-mails, leaked four days later, Chris was mocked by Tito claiming to have had sex with The Wallflower. While Chris was initially incredulous, in a later video he expressed outrage at Tito for "taking her from [him]," as Wallflower had recently begun to back up his claims.

The third set of e-mails to The Wallflower finally confirms what had happened. As seen, The Wallflower was outright shocked at the vastness of information on her page within the CWCki, assumed that Chris had set the page up himself, and ended their friendship. Chris, however, kept trying to salvage their relationship long after it became obvious that he didn't have a chance, angering her even more. She also asserted her hatred of Chris by first saying that Tito was indeed her boyfriend before giving up and just telling him that she was asexual.

Today
It seems that, years since the events of that March morning, Chris has yet to forget her as, returning to the Internet, he calls out Tito and demands that he apologize to her for breaking them up, still referring to her as his "girlfriend". However, a few days later, Chris made a retraction video, apparently clarifying that they were indeed just friends. The description of the video seems to suggest that she found out about the video and demanded he correct it.

Interestingly, though he hasn't forgotten about her, he hasn't "forgiven her" for it.

In September 2012, Chris texted her, in the hopes of getting back in touch with her, though it is unknown if she responded. This remains the last known communication between the two, and Chris has most likely forgotten about her in the intervening years, while she did her best to wipe out her Internet presence to avoid being pestered by him or by weens.

Anonymity
Originally, this article intruded into parts of The Wallflower's life that had nothing to do with Chris, prompting her to request that the article be reworked to refer to her under a pseudonym and avoid direct references to her personal life and identity. The CWCki's administrators reasonably agreed.

Chris is convinced that this change took place because of the angry threats he made in his video of 10 March 2010 (roughly around the time the edits were made), when in fact it had nothing to do with him. The changes to this page led him to believe that he could insist on sweeping edits to many other pages, which he listed in the 14 March 2010 Captain's Log update on the CWCipedia. Those demands were ignored.

The e-mails from The Wallflower seem to paint a fuller picture to this. It appears that when The Wallflower discovered her page on the CWCki, she got pissed at Chris and demanded that he remove that information. However, he did it through his YouTube videos. Annoyed, she went to the CWCki herself.

Chris, in the meantime, continued to drop her first name and pen name in his videos, including one which had it in the title.

Chris later also uploaded a list of his former gal-pals and sweethearts on the CWCipedia which included her full name. Chris goes on to blame the existence of her Facebook page for the leak of her identity and the end of their budding relationship.

Continuing with this theme, 19 April 2010 would see Chris adding an entire article about her to the CWCipedia. In addition to the usual fits of megalomania and delirium, the page sported a copy-pasted version of this page. Conspicuously absent, however, was this very section.

To this day, he believes the entire debacle was the Wallflower's fault for having a Facebook page for trolls to discover. Recently, though, Chris has seen fit to partially accept blame for what happened.