Chris and work

"[...] comments that are truly of Good Intentions of self-improvement and constructive criticism, versus the truly Bad Intentions of spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job)."

- Chris considers "get a job" to be hate speech and commentary from enablers kissing his ass to be constructive criticism.



Chris is infamous for his laziness and his dependence on his elderly parents, which inhibits him from wanting to work. He briefly held one job - two if pushing it - in his early 20s, but was unsurprisingly fired from them fairly quickly.

Despite his crippling debt, Chris vehemently refuses to even attempt to obtain any kind of employment whatsoever due to wanting to perpetually live like a child - a stance that has become so potent that he believes that suggesting it to him should be deemed as "hate speech".

Since being arrested and jailed on charges of incestuous acts committed with his mother, and with the possibility of Chris being convicted as a sex offender looming ever larger, there exists a strong likelihood that, in the very near future, Chris will find the very prospect of employment itself to go from extremely difficult to outright impossible; and he'd be especially screwed in such a regard due to having no more safety nets from his fanbase since they've lost sympathy for (and the desire to request commissions from) him.

External Factors
Several external factors may account for Chris's inability to find employment. One of the big factors is laziness. When he worked at Wendy's between August-September of 2001 he later admitted to Jackie on a call that ‘he would take frequent breaks after washing the tables and taking out the trash.’ showing his incompetence towards there being more stuff to do. Another reason could be that he can't get a job because of his twenty one year unemployment gap. Also, Chris being a forty year old male with a criminal record, and who also is in jail for the (alleged) incest with his own mother has probably dwindled his chances of employment (like he would ever look for a job in the first place). If he gets convicted of the (alleged) incest of his mother he would be on the sex offender registry, and have his chances of a job go down drastically. Another reason being that he believes that he has a job in another dimension as a goddess, thanks to the influence of the idea guy’s. Another external factor is him claiming to ‘take care’ of his mother (which we all know how that went). Over the years instead of getting a job to support his mother he instead has slowly started to sell off toys he doesn't play with or doesn't use anymore, or begged for donations online. This is not a substantial income, and the money Chris does get he wastes it very fast. He claims it's for his mothers doctors appointments and dentist appointments but he usually would post a few days later that he had gotten a new toy or a video game, implying that he either was lying about how much the doctors appointments and dentist appointments cost or that he was using his mothers money just for his own selfish needs.

Criminal Record
Chris, like many of us, has had as least one run in with the police. However, being as exceptional as he is not only has Chris managed at least 6 "run-ins" with law enforcement but at least 2 felony charges, multiple misdemonors, an EPO, and a lengthy stay in jail for charges of incest. Felons have a notoriously hard time finding employment, and being placed on the sex offender registry won't be doing Chris any favors.

Parental Influence
Chris's parents, but more so Bob, had encouraged him to not be employed, believing that his Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) is all he really needs to support himself - a belief that has ultimately proven to be false with the advent of the Financhu Crisis.

Negative Experiences with Workers and Managers
While Chris has not lived a particularly good life unemployed, he also has had some bad experiences with the employees and managers of several of the places he frequented, which further shows some of Chris's views on what it means to be employed. The way he has treated such people provides insight into Chris's delusional ideas about the role of an employee. It is a manager's duty to take action in difficult situations, like if a customer is loitering or causing a disturbance, two things that Chris has done many times in the past. Chris however, unaware of how he should act in public places, only saw such actions as a form of discrimination, solely to keep him from doing as he pleases, whether it be soliciting a girlfriend, or vandalizing merchandise or property. These views are also apparent in some of his comics, where he depicts the employees and managers that have given him a hard time as corrupt tyrants abusing their power.

Chris also has had negative experiences with mall security guards. Chris's run-ins with the law have never been pleasant, and even though Chris does not exactly view workers and law enforcement in the same light, law enforcers are still technically employed by some organization. On various occasions, Chris has been shown to bolt out of a Gamestop in fear when security is called, suggesting a fear of security guards, likely stemming from previous experiences.

Financial Enablers
In the wake of the Idea Guys, Chris's enabling has gone far beyond just his mother. Chris now has admiring fans that are willing to give him loads of money in order to support him. Even after being arrested, fans continued to send him money through his inmate account. This first became an issue in early 2014, when their current home caught on fire and his family had to move into a rental home temporarily while it was being rennovated. In response to this, followers of Chris began to send him monetary donations as well as care packages. This quickly became something Chris dependend on, and began regularly begging for donations for years to come, making this form of enabling commonplace. He would often beg for money to support his family, and then conveniently have new toys visible in his room. However, this stream of income never ceased.

Autism
Chris, believing he is an omnipotent and omniscient goddess, doesn't have time for such frivolous things as working to make a living. In October 2017, Chris claimed that he was too busy with CWCville and his imaginary friends, in addition to helping Barb and the pets. In June 2019, Chris claimed that he was already employed by God to oversee the Dimensional Merge. Additionally, ever since Chris's transition, he feels that finding a job runs the risk of being discriminated against for his tomgirl gender, despite the fact that discrimination on the basis of gender is illegal, especially as a result of a Supreme Court ruling on 15 June 2020.

In a moment of self-awareness, Chris fears being incompetent at work, and he claimed in May 2018 that he feared that weens and A-logs will harass him at work, similar to how they harassed the management of The End Games and Anytime Fitness into banning him. However, even those significantly more mentally ill or otherwise disabled can find work, meaning Chris can quickly find easy work if he really wanted to. This shows that Chris will pull any idea out of his ass to avoid having to get off of it and contribute to society.

Lack of Marketable Skills
As evidenced by his resume and lack of education, Chris lacks any marketable skills or education to get anything beyond a minimum wage job in the retail or fast food industry. Given his aforementioned lofty goals for salary and demanding things like having an assistant; Chris grossly overestimates what kind of a job one can find with an outdated Associate's degree and a brief employment at Wendy's.

General Laziness
Chris, being as lazy as he is, would find trouble keeping a job for long due to this laziness. This is evidenced by his brief stint as a Wendy's employee, in which he is quoted as taking "frequent breaks" and not taking care of his uniform.

When creating his magnum opus, Chris had no schedule set in stone, only taking time to write and draw pages when he had "inspiration", arguably his most productive period was between 2007 and 2010 when he started to achieve online infamy and constantly fell for trolling schemes. Even then, these volumes took anywhere from several months to over a year before getting completed.

Not to mention that Chris pretty much wrote every Sonichu issue by the seat of his pants with minimal regard for consistency (and of course, writing is not the only place where he fails at that) resulting in the self-insert fanfic clusterfuck we've known and loved since the late 2000's.

Past Stance on Employment
In the past, Chris has shown some degree of interest in pursuing a career, but only for his own personal gain, rather than so that he can move out of his parents' house and obtain a degree of self-sufficiency. For example, although he expressed an interest in becoming a comic book artist, working for either Archie or DC,, he has also stated, when he completes his Love Quest, that he would stay at home while his wife works, showing that Chris was somewhat hesitant even before then. Other sources point to Chris believing that obtaining a job is only necessary to pick up a girlfriend, which is evident when he decided to take up a job in Cutco Cutlery at the beginning of his Love Quest.

Key insight into Chris's attitude towards job hunting is found in his resume, which has not been updated in over a decade. In it, Chris shows he did not understand what constitutes work experience, let alone its importance. For example, he believes that doing "volunteer work" for the Pokémon Leagues at the GAMe PLACe counts as work experience. In reality, mere "volunteer work" does not typically catch the eye of most employers. Also, Chris was not a gym leader as he claimed, but rather was a substitute when the actual Gym Leader was not available. Finally, even if this could be taken into account, what experience he obtained is likely negligible, as he had no authority over the players, and was, in fact, carefully supervised by the staff. In the same résumé, he cites his production of comics as work experience, despite the fact that he was not doing this in a professional setting, and that the product itself leaves a lot to be desired.

The résumé also shows that, in his entire adult life, not even a fraction of his time was spent on an actual job, let alone one that is full-time in a professional environment. Counting all of the positions he had that did not involve being a Gym Leader's Assistant or working on his Sonichu comics, his total work experience amounts to a grand total of 5 months, at most. This estimate is generous because, while he claimed to have worked at Wendy's for 2 months on his résumé, he also claimed that he was already fired on 11 September to Kacey's father. Please note that this was only across an entire two-year gap between working each of the two positions he held.

Wendy's
The first place Chris attempted to work at was at his local Wendy's. While there, his primary duties were custodial in nature rather than food preparation or direct customer interaction. Despite painting himself as an employee that "serves the customers with kind, understanding help", accounts from employers and customers have shown him to be a rude and difficult employee to work with. Chris was later fired from the restaurant, giving vague and contradictory answers about his dismissal.

Cutco Cutlery
The second and final job that Chris claims to have worked was through Cutco Cutlery, a multi-level marketing company that primarily sells overpriced knives. The company itself is deemed to be a notorious pyramid scheme and borderline scam that generally targets high school students, college students, and gullible idiots like Chris with no work experience. Chris claims to have lost this job after his boss "left at summer's end". Chris had obtained this job during the beginning of his Love Quest, which also showcases that Chris believed getting a job is only for people who want to have a girlfriend, even believing that having the job just magically improved his social skills. This job alone, believe it or not, was what made him believe himself to be a "Natural Salesperson". After this job, Chris would go out of his way to produce his Attraction Signs, and advertise this one quality in it.

Other Employers
Besides Wendy's and Cutco, Chris has attempted to apply for a handful of other jobs, to no avail, probably due to him complaining about trolls on his resume and believing he had held positions he considered signified employment, but was actually community service.

Current Stance on Employment
"Therefore, for all of you Haterade-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress."

- Chris claiming he's already employed in an alternate dimension

Considering how trolls, weens, enablers, and, quite frankly, Chris himself have completely mangled and destroyed his background check over the years, it is little wonder why he has lost any hope of obtaining a job. Chris even stated he was fully aware of this in a Facebook post he made on 3 April 2017. In the same post, however, he also claims that he would still refuse to obtain a job, even without all of the crazy shit that has happened in his life. He claims to fear the possibility of being discriminated against for being autistic, transgender, and having a lesbian soul. In the modern workforce, however, this misgiving is highly unjustified, as any kind of discrimination based on gender, disability or sex is usually frowned upon in the workforce, and leaves the employer liable for legal action or federal/state sanctions/fines. Besides the former two reasons, Chris claimed that gaining employment would be redundant, as he believes taking care of his aging parents actually counts as employment, despite not being paid for it.

Job as a Goddess
Chris now appears to believe that his true occupation at the moment is being the goddess of an alternate dimension, thanks to the influence of the Idea Guys, Jacob Sockness and several other influences. In the span of two years after the aforementioned Facebook post, Chris would state on at least two occasions that he believes that the ability to support himself financially by working a job is completely useless. As a matter of fact, in one of these occasions, he had actually stated that he is far too enlightened and above societal expectations to obtain an actual job, simply due to an absurd comparison he makes between the amount of time the universe will exist for against how much time he would work at a job. As evident in the same post, as well as in a subsequent one, he actually believes that obtaining a job should not be mandatory, and even goes so far as to state that the citizens of CWCville are not required to obtain a job.

Can Chris get a (real-life) job now?
Many observers have admitted that it is too late for Chris to get a job now, and this was long before his arrest for engaging in incestuous acts with his mother permanently crippled his chances. In addition to his various run-ins with the law and his local reputation for public tantrums and violence, Chris is 42 years old with only one bad month of minimum-wage employment back in 2001, a worthless CADD certificate, a very brief stint, and over a decade and a half's worth of unsavory information about him on the internet. Chris has also not applied for a job since September 2009, and his Sonichu-laden resume is both long out-of-date and unimpressive even for the standards of when it was made.

Chris being charged with a felony and/or placed on the Sex Offender Registry will likely be the final death blow to any sort of chance of him finding a job in the future. However, even if he does manage to miraculously find work somehow, there is a very, very significant chance that wannabe weens and A-Logs will harass his employer into terminating him as soon as they get wind of it; similar to how they harassed the management of The End Games and Anytime Fitness into banning him simply because he was there.

In short, Chris's claims that he can never get a job may be valid, albeit for different reasons to what he has in mind. Nearly all employers are unwilling to tolerate any person with that kind of background, especially with what we know now.

Chores
"I work hard for my father in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!"

- Chris, telling a former U.S. Marine about the "heavy burdens" in his life

Aside from a few part-time jobs, from which he got fired shortly after being accepted, Chris is also responsible for doing certain chores around the household. To him, chores are menial tasks that Barb forces him to perform for her. Since these chores are the closest thing in Chris's life resembling actual work, and one of the few things taking him away from his video games, going into deep thought about other dimensions and attending BronyCon, they are a frequent source of stress and complaining for Chris. On the other hand, Chris also sees these chores as nothing more than to prove that he is not lazy, in which case he believes these chores are a good example of what a hard-working, respectable, high-functioning autistic he really is.

Chris loves chores


Chris's most notorious mention of his chores is in the Father Call, where he desperately tries to prove his worthiness to Matthew Devoria by listing some of the "hard work" he has done around the house, such as sitting on a riding lawnmower, moving chairs and carrying a doghouse across the yard. In fact, many of the "chores" he whines about are things he only did literally one time. He also compares his pulling weeds in the "hot, hot sun" to war veteran Matt's time served in the Gulf War.

Chris does not limit himself to only doing chores in real life. He also enjoys spending hours upon hours performing virtual chores in Animal Crossing. These are his favorite chores to do, because not only is he able to sit on his fat ass all day while tapping at his controller, he is also rewarded for performing these tasks! As fun as this sounds, by his early 30s it seems to just be another part of Chris's daily routine, at one point telling Julie that he had to take a break from his computer to "get [his] chores done in ACCityFolk". He eventually stopped doing these chores all together after his GameCube disintegrated in the 2014 fire.

In Chris's other favorite fictional world, CWCville, Sonichu also does his share of the housework, as Chris elaborately explained in his CWCipedia bio. Between fighting evil-doers and saving the world from homosexuality, he even finds time to mow the lawn with his loyal wife Rosechu. After the kids have been sent off to school, Sonichu and Rosechu go out and vacuum to the extreme! Chris, on the other hand, is far too busy with his mayoral duties to worry about chores, so instead he makes his secretary, Allison Amber, do all of the work.

Chris dreams of one day being a "house husband", doing chores for his wife and daughter at home all day, while the wife goes to work and earns money for the family. In a chat with Clyde Cash, Clyde questions Chris's ability to take care of himself and his sweetheart. This causes Chris to go on for what seems like an hour, listing all the chores he is capable of performing around the house. He is very proud of his ability to load dishes into the dishwasher and put garbage into a trash can.

Despite these many difficult, stressful, back-breaking chores that Chris spends his time doing, the Chandler family's house was still a disgusting pigsty that Bob falsely believed was on the verge of being condemned by the Greene County Health Department; before it actually burned down, the fire was being exacerbated by the mountains of junk held inside. In a call with Alec Benson Leary, when this conundrum is pointed out to Chris, he desperately mashed the buttons on his phone and hung up to try and get out of explaining himself.

Chris hates chores


Chris spends a lot of time trying to avoid doing what he is so proud of. Barbara constantly gets Chris to do things for her. This sometimes drags him away from his friends, love life and other business. He has also hidden out at the mall for hours, just so his mother's demands that he do a "hefty chore" wouldn't disrupt his creative genius.

He also blames Barb for his house being so messy in the first place. His usual go-to excuse for the state of his house is to call her a "pack rat", even having the balls to call her lazy for not cleaning anything up. Barbara apparently leaves junk lying all over the house, but Chris would rather go days without showering than figure out how to move some of Barbara's junk to another room, claiming he "doesn't know what to do" with any of it. His room itself is extremely messy, with it being filled with thousands of legos and toys that he refuses to throw out.

Chris's parents also make him pay the family's bills, possibly as an attempt to make him feel like a real adult. Chris, of course, complains about having to give up a large percentage of his "tugboat" for these bills. He puts off paying them for as long as possible so he can use his hard-earned money for more important necessities. In one of her rare Mumble appearances, Chris lied to Barbara about paying the bills for that month, at first whining that he was being "honest", but eventually gave in to the fear of being punished by his mother and admitted he did not pay ALL of them. But, he will "be sure to pay the remaining differences next month"!

"I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work. Back-breaking!"

- Chris explains why he hasn't had time to work on his comic

In 2020, Chris said that he and Barb both do equal amounts of chores, despite Barb being aged nearly 80.