Mailbag 19

Mailbag 19 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 14 December 2009.

Though most of the content of this mailbag was unsurprising, a few beautiful moments of insight are to be found scattered about. Most notably, Chris still felt that the only way one could possibly be frightened by ShecameforCWC.JPG would be if they had no idea what sex was. He also took a few moments to try to justify the boneheaded way he overloads his comics with tons of text, goes off on tangents about how he hates homosexuals in messages where he said he didn't hate gay people, revealed his IQ, indulged in some mild sexism, and confirmed that yes, he did go to couples' therapy all alone. Out of all of these, the oddest revelation was that when he hears the word "Asperger's," he immediately thinks of "competing retards."

Textwalling
From: Stephen Mayer 

Hey Chris, I'm a long time fan of the comic but I have to ask, why don't you trim down the dialogue? Many pages consist of poorly placed word bubbles taking up half the page to say something that could be expressed in a much more concise manner. A good comic SHOWS the viewer things rather than telling them. The human mind is very astute and can pick up on visual cues easily, so there is no need to spell everything out as you do in these long, rambling monologues. Thank you.@undefined

Because only a straight person would write several pages about how he's not gay
From: Ulysses Vedder  Hey Christian, I'm glad to see you're supporting the homosexual rights movement as illustrated by the ads on your site! After all, it's not like there's any physical harm in being gay ;)

-Ulysses@undefined

Hilariously abusive childhood
From: Ray Fry  In one mailbag, it says you were beaten up by teachers, and that they even recorded it. Do you honestly believe this? Not to be mean, but it'd take a gullible, naive person to buy into something like that. If the teachers had recorded them beating you up, they'd be fired and jailed. Any thinking person knows this. So what did really happen to you? Please don't lie this time.@undefined

Not sexist
From: Jamie Roodtuo 

Hi! I am from Rhode Island, so I am right near you don't you know. I am a 22 year old girl going to school to be a dentist. YAH!! Oops, sorry, enough about me. Question for you!

I know how Rosechu posed for Pokeboy, but could some of the males of cwcville pose for Pokegirl? There are so few good pictures for me to look at and be interested in as I am not into girls. Blake seems like a cutie and I bet Wild would be, well, WILD. lol

Please take it into consideration!

Jamie R@undefined

Brain power
From: 

Dear Chris, Have you ever taken an IQ test? What were the results? If you haven't taken a test or you don't remember, what would you estimate your IQ to be? Just wondering, because if your description is correct, then your high-function autism likely puts you far above the normal range of intelligence. Thanks, and zap to the extreme! Marilyn vos Savant@undefined

note that an IQ of 150 would be labeled as "very superior intelligence", which Chris likely does not have.

Oh my god he still doesn't get it
From: Shane Smith  In regards to the drawing of Megan, what in the hell did you mean "wishful thinking"? Do you realize that what you drew scared everybody? Do you have a Woody Allen complex or something like that?@undefined

Extensive planning
From:  Hey Chris,

Have you ever considered putting together a Sonichu Expo? I imagine it'd be like Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) or maybe E3. True and honest fans could gather from around the country to discuss Sonichu, buy merchandise, and praise you, the creator of Sonichu.

Please post where I can buy tickets to such an event should it ever happen. Thank you!@undefined

Chris: champion of human rights
From: Ohni Pasilius  You talked earlier something about curing homosexuality with your blood. In my homeland, all homos are shot. I think that is way more efficient, since you cant have enough blood to cure all homos.@undefined

Chris went to couples therapy alone
From: Bridgette Jane  Dear Chris,

Big fan, I remember in a recent video you mentioned going to a relationship class. How was your experience, what was it like, and is there any lessons you can pass down to us, your fans.

Thanks@undefined

When Chris hears the word "aspergers" he thinks of the Special Olympics
From: 

Does the word 'aspergers' really make you mad that bad like the word "naive."

Also what is the first thing on your mind when you hear the word 'aspergers?'@undefined

In which Chris ignores the important questions
From: Mike Oxaflopin  If you'll remember, I'm the guy who sent you the question about why the Sonichus don't wear pants in Mailbag 16, and you called me a name. Is D.A. supposed to mean dumbass? That's a very rude thing to call a confused fan, why would you even do that? Also, if that's the case, then why do the Rosechus wear clothes if they don't need to? Your portrayal of them seems to portray that they're not afraid to go without them, as in them being eager to strip for women's rights. I am very confused.@undefined

We cannot see Chris's report cards
From: Bob Bobson  Chris, we all know that you're smart and all, can we see your report cards so we can know how smart?

It also might help discourage the trolls if they know that they are dealing with a genius!@undefined

Villainous sons of b*****s
From: Maria Angelica Peres Lopez  Hey Chris,

I want to tell you that I read your comics every day, and I'm very interested on it, specially the parts regarding your relation to the internet.

So, please, please, please, please, could you tell me what do you think have been the worst thing that trolls have done to you? What have you done against them? How do you endure all what they have done to you? What do you think they would do next? What do you think it's the worst think they could do next?

I know that remembering some of those it could cause some stress to you, but it's very important to me to know, in order to understand you better.

I hope you can answer this letter with your honest opinion.@undefined

Chris misses the point again
From: Bob Bobson  I've heard that you had to leave Richmond because your neighbors were spreading rumors about you!

Is this true? It's such a pity that people would lie about such a charming person!@undefined

That d*** Hitler
From: Jack Dison  Dear Chris,

I am absolutely disgusted with your current story arc in your comics and you should be ashamed of yourself. Homosexual people are happy with their lives and and hurt no one, they don't force their lifestyles or choices onto anyone, and for you to write a story where a "cure" is forced upon them like they have some sort of contagious disease is despicable, you wiping out gay people is akin to what Hitler did to the jews in world war 2. Are you going to have them round all the gays up into camps so they can "cure" them more easily? These people put up with enough bigotry and their lives can be hard thanks to narrow minded evil people like you. I demand that you stop this sick plotline and apologize to gay people for it, else I will personally see to it that everyone in your fanbase undetstands the kind of evil bigot that you are.

Shocked and appalled,

Jack Dison.@undefined

Doctors suck
From: Cad Earnest  Hey Chris. I have been reading your mailbag and I've noticed one thing. You seem to never admit you're wrong about ANYTHING, especially the aspergers and autism thing. Why do you think you're correct and the dozen or so people providing psychological or medical sources showing aspergers is linked to autism are wrong?

Could you explain why you are a reliable source on Aspergers syndrome? and why all the psychologists and doctors who have proof that autism and aspergers are linked are wrong?@undefined

A very Asperchu Christmas
From: Alec-chan Asperchu <albasperchu@live.com> Hey, Chris! I was inspired by your Sonichu and Rosechu christmas story, so I decided to write one for ASPERCHU! I have only completed Part One so far, which is only about two pages, but I definitely have craziness in store for this story! I hope you like it!

An Asperchu Xmas

Part One

Asperchu moved to the window. It was lightly flecked with white snow and frost, archipelagos of little crystals like glistening drops of comeuppance, made all the more beautiful against the contrasting dark backdrop of his Grandma Snorlax's cuddly girth as she reclined against the south side of the house. Turning around, he saw the barest hint of Christmas lights scattering their faint rainbow about the room, casting a soft prism of shadows amongst the boxes and laundry baskets in the room. The mixed scent of cat food and bengay gently wafted through the air. All in all, Asperchu was certainly a lucky chu.

"Meow?" he heard coming from his feet. It was Mehmed, looking up at him questioningly, his tail twitching. In the corner, Artaxerxes and Bismarck were wrestling with each other over a ball of yarn. Silly kitties.

"Sorry, Mehmed, I don't have time to play now," said Asperchu, stroking the tabby's fur. "I have to go meet Max at the mall. You be good now." Asperchu walked to the door. "Bye, Grandpa Alzheichu!" he called to the kindly old man resting in the corner, dozing to the sound of minorities mispronouncing state names on The Sing-Off on NBC. He didn't respond. Probably just reminiscing about the days of old, thought Asperchu.

He rounded the corner of the house and waived to his other guardian. "Bye, Grandma Snorlax!" he shouted.

"RGHGHRRRGGHGHAUGHGUUGHLVVZZZVP", she gently snored back. Grandpa Alzheichu said she was still sleeping and would be for a long time, due to being sick with the AIDS, but Asperchu knew in his Strong Heart that she heard him, and her snore was a kindly greeting each time he passed. Some day soon, she would awaken. He just knew it.

Asperchu trekked down the sidewalk, arriving at the gates of the Eden Prairie Mall. "Hi, Asperchu!" he heard a tinny voice shout. He turned and looked, there was Max.

"Oh, hi, Max. How are you?" He said. Max had agreed to meet him here to go Christmas shopping for their friend Jivin's present. "Say, what do you think Jivin would like? We filled his mailbox with Starburst last year and he just thought it was the bees' knees, but we can't just do that again this year." Asperchu paused and frowned in thought. "I was thinking something along the lines of a George Foreman grill or something. I know he mentioned something called "black and milds", but you know I looked them up and turns out they are cigarettes! He should know smoking is wrong. What do you..." Asperchu suddenly noticed Max's pensive look. "What is it, Max?"

"Well," began Max, "the thing is, Jivin confessed to me that he is a little depressed every time Christmas comes around." "Why is that?" Asked Asperchu. "Well, it turns out in the land Jivin comes from, his people celebrate a mysterious festival around the same time of year as Christmas. They call it 'Kwanzaa'".

"Say", said Asperchu, "That sounds downright hinky. Just what the heck is Kwanzaa?"

Well, I looked it up," said Max. "Turns out its a week-long festival during which people of African descent celebrate their culture, history, and heritage. It was started for the purpose of preserving traditions that were under threat of assimilation into the much larger American culture, and is a recognition of unity, family, community, and especially the strength and pride of a collection of cultures from all over Africa."

"Wow, Max, I had no idea!" said Asperchu. "But you know, that is just like Jivin, celebrating the culture of the black peoples in order to give to a race other than his own."

"Well, actually, Asperchu," Max began, "Jivin is bla--"

"You know what we should do?" Asperchu interrupted, excited. "We should put together a Kwanzaa festival for Jivin! I'm sure he'll love it!"

Max's eyes lightened. "You know, Asperchu, that just might work!"

So Asperchu and Max went into the mall. But as Asperchu thought more about it, he realized he might be in over his head a little - after all, he had no idea how Kwanzaa was celebrated! It was time to do some research, he decided...

to be continued in Part Two...

Your friend and protege,

Alec Benson Leary@undefined