Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008

"Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008" (officially "Chris Chan Update Columbus Day, 2008") reveals that (by 13 October 2008) Chris has somehow obtained a beta release of LittleBigPlanet. He's now obsessed with the game and with publishing Sonichu-related levels to increase exposure of his character. In this video, he has four main points:


 * 1) Buy LittleBigPlanet and be on the lookout for Sonichu levels. Also, Chris owns only Godbear knows how much Sony products.
 * 2) Jimmy Hill has flagrantly plagiarized from Chris's Sonichu work. Chris notes how Jimmy Hill's Sonichu merchandise is just Sonic merchandise painted yellow and generally fails to notice Hill's work is at least as much of a legally-protected parody as his own. At one point Chris observes that Jimmy's ripoff of the packaging to his DVD is not derivative enough of the source material.
 * 3) Jimmy Hill's "mockeries" are "crappy". Chris has called Jimmy Hill's parodies crappy as many times as he possibly could, even though his logo is the same exact thing.
 * 4) Internet bullies should give up because Chris is ignoring them. Chris is in fact ignoring his critics so much that he had to announce to the entire world on an internet video that he is ignoring them.

Video
"I am just blatantly ignoring you… hands down!"

Transcript
Captain's Log, Stardate: Columbus Day, 2008.

It is time for another update of importance. Or should I say of three importances?

First off, the, uh, LittleBigPlanet level y'all have heard about. I have—I have the b—I have the beta, and I have completed the level in only two nights, and I got it published onto the, uh, LittleBigPlanet database on the Internet. But unfortunately, I was—as I was about to, uh, record the video for—to a DVD-R… apparently, my beta had expired, which is kind of bad luck. So, I guess I'll just have to wait a week before I can introduce the level fully, on a v—on—in a vi—in video form… on the YouTube… when the vi—when the game—when the official game comes out next week.

[reaches up to hold his LittleBigPlanet box, which is dangling from the ceiling] LittleBigPlanet: only on PlayStation 3! Never accept any imitations… even downloadable to a HEX Box! [releases the game box and bends down to grab some papers]

Now, the, uh, second thing I would like to bring up at this moment… [stands up with papers in hand and puts on a bad English accent] Master Jimmy Hill! [returns to normal voice] Master Jimmy Hill. As y'all may know about him, he has perpetrated, uh, my—he has perpetrated the, uh, rights of—the rights of Sonichu for myself. As y'all well know (for the longest time now) that I am the original owner and creator of Sonichu. And Rosechu. Now, this—now, this impostor is blatantly copying everything note for—note for note from me.

And it all started… from my point of view… upon my knowledge… [holds up print-out of the Sonichu action figure ad] the magazine advert for his so-called “action figure”. I mean, you take a—take a good look at that—take a look at that. 'Cause all that is… [holds up Sonic action figure] is just this Sonic the Hedgehog action figure custom-painted! [voice begins to crack repeatedly as he starts getting worked up] I could easily custom-paint this to look like that… with acrylic paint, even! So simple! [sets action figure down] And so crappy, too.

The, uh, next thing I should, uh, talk about—I mean… alright.

His website. [holds up print-out of sonichu.net logo] Y'all know my—y'all know the official and original Sonichu lo—Sonichu site logo I've had… on there for the longest time. But that—you compare that… [holds up the Jimmy Hill version of the same logo] to his mockery. [voice begins to crack repeatedly as he starts getting worked up again] Can you believe that? It's crappy! This is stupid!

And then… [holds up cover of Sonichu 0] look at the original comic cover for my first comic book. [voice begins to crack repeatedly as he starts getting worked up yet again] Then, look at his mockery! [holds up Jimmy Hill version] So similar! This guy can't even be original, and yet he parodied himself on Monty Python's Flying Circus! “And now, for some cum-pitty different!”

[holds up CWC on TV DVD] The DVD. You all see—I told y'all about—I told y'all about the footage that could—that was probably up on YouTube, between the various things. But this guy, he blatantly… [holds up picture of packages of Jimmy Hill's DVD] copied that, as well! And all he did was take every footage that was on—that was orig—that originated from th—from this DVD… and, uh, dubbed his voice just o—just over my name. So, instead of me saying “Christian Weston Chandler”, he j—he j—he just dubs over each time by saying, [puts on a retarded voice] “Jimmy Hill!” [returns to normal voice] And even more somethin’ completely different: it even says on the bottom here: “The part of Jimmy Hill is played by… an actor.” [smacks Hill’s DVD] An actor! [compares Hill DVD cover with Sonichu 0] And look at the friggin' cover! It's more based on the co—it's more based on my original comic cover than the orig—than the DVD! Anyway, do not buy from Jimmy Hill! He's a fraud, a phony.

[starts leafing through papers] Is there anything else I wanted to talk about him? Oh, yeah. And if y—and if it’s y'all well—may well be aware—may well be aware of… [holds up print-out of early Sonichu logos] these were the first two Sonichu site logos that were originally up there… throughout the evolution of the Sonichu site. [puts papers away] The original two… images.

Alright. And now the third and final issue: the, uh, Internet bullies.

You bullies, y’all—I know y'all are afraid of me, ’cause y'all—'cause without me, y'all would have nobody to pick on at this point. But you know what? There are sooo many famous movie stars, so many famous icons that y'all could just pick on easy enough. But you know what? No matter how many times you direct your… influences towards me… I'm just ignoring you, because basically all you're doing is basically being unheard of. [holds hands up defensively] You're basically talking to a brick wall. And I am just blatantly ignoring you… [throws hands down forcefully] hands down! [voice begins to crack repeatedly as he starts getting worked up for the fourth time] So... you may as well just give up! Your voi—your voi—your opinions and voices are not being heard. You're not scaring me! You're not scaring—y'all are not scaring Blanca.

You're n—you're scaring nobody, misters. [walks up for extreme close-up] It’s time to face factsss, misterrrs… and missesss! [steps back]

[swallows and exhales loudly] So, with that, I leave y'all with the, uh, completion of this update.

So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! [reaches up to hold his LittleBigPlanet box again] And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev—most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon—were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3. And also, the slideshow that was on the DVD that y'all may have watched on the, uh, YouTube, as well… those were done from my PSP and projected with the PSP projector that was only compatible with the PSP 1000 series (the thicker one)... versus, uh, like, y’know, I could’ve done it better if I’d waited for the 2000 series… [inhales deeply] where I had the—where I could've—could've plugged in the composite cable and had the thing fullscreen! But I did not… 'cause I didn't think of it back then.

Alright. So, I leave y'all with tho—with those new words. And just a reminder—and y'all will be very well—y'all won't have to worry. [clasps chest] I am safe. I am well. And I'll be staying that way. And I shall keep watch for any bullies. [wipes forehead with sleeve] And I will take all br—necessary steps in due time as I cross those bridges, be they sound or… broken.

Thank you very much, and have a good day or evening.