PlayStation 3



The Sony PlayStation 3, or PS Triple in troll parlance (purchased 17 March 2007 - 28 August 2010), is a video game console released in 2006 as the third generation in Sony's PlayStation line of consoles. It introduced features such as the ability to play Blu-ray discs, further social and online features, and the PlayStation Network. However, the console had a rocky start due to a high price tag ($599 for a 60GB model, and $499 for a 20GB model, equivalent to $763.05 and $635.87 respectively considering inflation as of 2020), among other problems; still, during its 11-year lifespan, it sold 87.4 million units, which while nothing compared to the PlayStation 2's numbers (where it is still the highest-selling console of all time) is still quite respectable.

Chris apparently did purchase a PlayStation 2 (specifically, one of the "slim" models) at some point, though very little is known about Chris's PS2 in comparison to its successor. Notably, the first issue of Sonichu's News Dash had Chris speaking about Sony and the PS2 in derogatory terms, suggesting that at some point between October 2004 (when the slim PS2 was first introduced) and November 2006 (when his PS2 was seen in the Pixelated PS3 video), Chris reversed his opinions on the company.

The PS3 is notable for being Chris's original "life upgrade". He desperately wanted to win one in a contest, to the point where he built one out of Pixelblocks and a slim PS2, and declared that he would "throw out the cure for autism" for one. Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his monthly tugboat. In August 2010, following repeated PS3 abuse, he destroyed his life upgrade...only to purchase another shortly after.

The PS3 was supplanted by the PlayStation 4 in 2013, and discontinued in 2016.

PlayStation Network


The PlayStation Network is an online digital media service introduced with the PS3 with its launch in 2006. It allows users to buy games, movies, TV shows, and other stuff, as well as social media features, music and movie streaming, and cloud gaming. Being as irresponsible with money as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's online capabilities. Chris spent so much on the PSN that it contributed most of his credit card debt at the time (roughly $3,500 circa early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could've spent that much and what he could've spent it on. Chris seemingly bought (and still buys) everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem anime. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently bought DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris spent at least $6,127.64 in American taxpayer dollars.

Spending history
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008 when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside of his room. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from The GAMe PLACe in the spring of 2008, although that signal spike might have been augmented as a result of his concurrent "breakup" with Megan Schroeder in a bid to salve the emotional wound with the desperate application of virtual toys. Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a shit ton more tugboat money on PSN.

In light of the second wave of the Vivian Gee e-mails, Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.



Trophies
According to the PSN profile for Sonichu, as of 25 September 2021, Chris has 5,018 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

Comparing to the list of games he owns, there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his BioShock trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of BioShock will blow your mind.) In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the PS3 History Level shows many games that he touched only a few times (Mirror's Edge and BioShock, for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in the PS3 tutorial, Chris says he thinks PAIN is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

Hacking
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. BlueSpike, in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart Julie, was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in February 2009, which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, Jack Thaddeus seized the account, resulting in detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits, as well as the video with eight minutes of console humping.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 February 2010, thanks to a certain Hawaiʻian.

Fanboyism
"So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3."

- Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.

"And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever"

- Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in PS3 History Level speech bubbles.

Chris pops giant boners for PS3, so much that the Hispanic community would call him a "Sonyer". He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the HEXBox.

Molestations and other PS3 damage


On 24 July 2009, a video of Chris humping his PS3 was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical stress.

On 5 May 2010, Chris posted a video in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a white knight who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 August 2010, Chris posted a solemn video where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact Sony tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

Destruction


On 29 August 2010, trolls obtained the MovingForward videos, where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrades coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with Son-Chu. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained photographs of the console in various states of destruction.

The next day, another video appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked e-mails later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a troll-proffered reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, Jackie. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

The rebirth


By 6 September 2010, only days after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, with your help. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told Jackie that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

The PS Move of Fail


It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a PlayStation Move. The PS Move is a derivative by Sony of Nintendo's Wii Remote. Chris, being the lover of all things TRUE and ORIGINAL we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical Sonichu coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the Cherokee video and the wizard video.

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter, as seen in the infamous Tomgirl pictures.

PlayStation Plus
On 29 June 2010, Sony started PlayStation Plus, a subscription-based program that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play "free" rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has already bought many times over.

Other oddities
Chris appears to keep his PS3 turned on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, Julie complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases. He even does so in the Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's PS3 History Level: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

He holds his PS3 controller in many of his videos to turn his PSEye on and off, such as in I Got A Fish.