Mailbag 40

Mailbag 40 was uploaded on the CWCipedia on 13 January 2010. Chris answered one question and deleted another a day later. A day after that, he answered (and deleted) the rest.

This mailbag had the highest deletion rate of any mailbag so far. Out of the 18 letters sent, only eight were answered. In this case, though, the deletions were not Chris's most shocking action. A nurse at a cancer ward asked him for a few autographed copies of the Asperchu comic, apparently under the false impression that he produced both. Instead of correcting her error, or forwarding the letter to Alec Benson Leary, Chris changed the word "Asperchu" to "Sonichu" in her letter and answered it as though it had always been meant for him, saying he would "consider a donation of a book or two." To summarize, Chris willfully prevented the request of CHILDREN DYING OF CANCER from ever being carried out in order to service his own ego.

Other notable letters included Chris throwing away a hypothetical billion dollars, not understanding the difference between love and sex, and the rather terrifying prospect of Chris adding a black character to compete with Asperchu's Jivin.

Love does not equal sex
From: Dear Chris,

Don't worry, I've been trying to convince your gay fans you don't mean any harm by wanting to cure them. See, you don't mean them any harm because as an autistic, you don't understand love.

See, imagine you were madly in love with a person. But then you were forcibly "cured" of your orientation. From your perspective, the person would have no problem finding someone with their new orientation. Why? Well, because without love, you only have sexual attraction. And if it's just sexual attraction, you can easily dump the person and find someone else. But normal, non-autistic people can love.

But don't worry about it. Just remember, when discussing love, there's something you can't understand because you're autistic.

~ A fan@undefined

You'd think he'd notice the name
From: Bla Chu  Chris

How many fans do you believe sonichu has? I always figured it would be quite a lot.

Blake@undefined

The sound of a million financial analysts screaming
From: odnar@luukku.com

In one of your mailbags, you inform us that CWCville has 10 soup hotels, each having 9 inhabitable floors with 10-20 rooms. I addition to this, your electric-hedgehog Pokémons get aid of approximately 3500 bucks per couple.

While I appreciate socialism, couple of questions arise: 1. Are there so much rich folk in CWCville? What's the overall population? 2. How high is the tax rate? 3. Why only one city in the USA has this system?@undefined

In which Chris throws away a fortune
From: Ron Jeremy  Dear Chris, I understand that lots of people call you gay, but you are not. I sympathize with you, because lots of people call me gay, too. I'm not gay, I have had lots of sex with women. True, I also had some sex with men, but I didn't love them. It was just for money. I mean, if someone offered you a million dollars, would you have sex with a man? What if they were filming it? A million dollars is a lot of money. Sincerely, Ron Jeremy@undefined

If he hadn't bolded it, we might not have noticed
From: Debbie Dryden  Hello Chris,

I am a nurse at Chicago Comer Children's Hospital. I represent a facility that is the forefront of kids' medicine. We are commited to providing healing and comfort to children, with respect and dignity to patients and family.

Recently, the children in the cancer ward have become enamered with your comics. Each day all the children gather in the atrium, and I read to them about the newest adventures! It gives them such joy, and such hope. One little boy tells me about how he dreams of living in Cwcville one day - He has a level 4 brain tumor and is undergoing intense chemotheropy treatment. He carries a medallion with him to treatment everyday. It gives him special powers to fight off the sickness. I believe him when he says it's real.

We feel that your comic is a positive influence on the children. I would like to thank you for doing what you do.

Would you be willing to donate an autographed copy of your Sonichu comics to our cancer ward?

Kind regards,

Debbie Dryden

Comer Children's Hospital 5721 South Maryland Avenue Chicago, IL 60637, United States (773) 702-1000@undefined ''The bolded "Sonichu comics" originally said "Asperchu's comics". That's right folks, Chris just changed the request of DYING CHILDREN just because it caused him stress.''

Somehow Sonichu is still more offensive
From: Meredith Reynolds  Hey Chris, just writing to let you know that I and the rest of the true fans are behind you on this whole Asperchu thing. That is why I have taken the liberty of creating a parody of my own, Downschu, whose picture I have enclosed.

Downschu is a STRAIGHT electric hedgehog pokemon, who along with his girlfriend, Low Functioning Autistic Rosechu [not pictured], and friends such as Punchy [not pictured] and Magichan with [pictured, but invisible], help to spread the word that Sonichu and his creator Christian Weston Chandler are STRAIGHT, and that Asperchu is a slanderous mockery to all electric hedgehog pokemon who should be put against the wall with all the other "undesirables". Thanks!

P.S. As the creator of Downschu, I hereby give you full permission to feature him and his friends in your Sonichu comics until I say otherwise.@undefined

Martin Luther King Jr. rages in his grave
From: kid8557@aol.com You make fun of Asperchu a lot, but at least Asperchu is a diverse comic. For example, Jivin Pickles is a positive African-American character, and he's one of the main characters. When will your comic feature a positive African-American character as a main character?@undefined

Asperchu continues to make the world a better place
From: boogies1885@cheerful.com I've been a long time fan of Sonichu, but recently, after seeing an ad, I started reading the Asperchu comics. I have to say, I like your Asperchu comic better than your Sonichu comic. Asperchu is a much better written and better drawn character. Have you ever considered canceling Sonichu so that your company can devote all their energy on Asperchu, giving it the attention it deserves? I really would like that.@undefined

Gay lover
From: nineinchbear@virginia.usa.com Chris,

It's me, Steve. It's clear to me this relationship just isn't going to work, and you standing me up last night (1/12) was completely unacceptable!!! You certainly seemed interested enough when you contacted me through gaysinglesonline.com. After weeks of long, erotic Online sex chats and keeping in touch through email, YOU said TO ME that you wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I knew well enough that your family wouldn't understand and we would have to keep this as our little secret. You told me to meet you at Escafe in Charlottesville at 7:00. Guess what, I was there and WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!? I sat there like an idiot for 3 hours waiting on you, calling your cell phone and getting no response until finally I just had enough and left. So now I'm pissed, and I don't care about our agreement to keep all this discreet. I'll let the whole world know! And by the way, if you don't want me giving all those videos you took of yourself jerking to my picture to the trolls, you'd better have a damn good excuse for your behavior and answer this message!!!!! You just missed out on a great thing, Chris. Your not going to find many more guys willing to accept you for who you are. (Guy's with aspergers are my fetish.)@undefined

Simonchu swings both ways
From: Evang7 

Alec Benson Leary has been using my Simonchu in a VERY respectful manner. He draws him as a MAN, with the PICKLE HE HAS ALWAYS HAD AND WAS BORN WITH. He has accidentally mislabelled my character as a homo (however I cannot fault him as I NEVER clarified Simonchu's preferences in the comic yet). I discussed this with him and set the record straight (or sort of straight) and told him that Simonchu is a BISEXUAL, he apologized and intends to Right the Matter. However, I don't even CARE--it was an HONEST MISTAKE, unlike your DELIBERATE thieving and gender-changing of MY Character that you REFUSE to right even in the face of Lawsuits.

Alec has even been KIND enough to feature an ad about my struggles with the Simonla/Simonchu Controversy. This is why ALL YOUR FANS WILL LEAVE YOU, just as I Predicted. You are not KIND to any of them, like Alec is to HIS fanbase. He has been Good to Protect my Character from your SLIMY MITTS.

-Evan Christopher "Ivan" George@undefined

Nonstandard anatomy
From: Greg Cats 

Is it gay to have sex with someone if they're a woman on top, but a man on bottom (they have breasts and a female face but they have a penis)?

Is it gay to have sex with someone if they're a man on top, but a woman on the bottom (they have a masculine chest and a male face, maybe even a beard, but they have a vagina)?@undefined

No, he was finally openly gay when he bought the sports bras
From: manosthehands@2die4.com Wait, so you kissed Silvana? But Silvana has a penis, so that would make you gay. Does this mean you're finally openly gay?@undefined

On Chris's continual mistreatment of Wikisysop
From: Keith Keithson  Chris, You recently complained to the Sysop that you want the block on the front page removed. Have you already forgotten that the last time she let you near the ads, she nearly got sued? You really don't respect women at all, do you?@undefined

Also Ted Bundy
From: stingray55@gmail.com Hey Chris,

I've been reading over your love quest and I think I might have a solution to your problem; I've been reading up on a group of women who become enamored to serial killers and fall in love with them. Within a matter of days of being put on death row these men receive offers of marriage from women all over the country! I'm not saying you should murder anyone, but you could be wrongly convicted on a murder charge and get one of these women to fall madly in love with you. I'm not sure Virginia's laws on conjugal visits but I'm sure they'd allow it! This worked out well for Richard Ramirez and he married a woman while on death row!

It's probably your best shot man!

Good luck!

Your fan,

StingraY@undefined

Chris's diseased ticker
From: Tubular Monkey  Hi Christian,

You've talked a lot about your heart level in the past, referring to whether or not you are broken hearted. But what about your actual heart? I know that your father has had multiple heart attacks throughout his life. Since heart disease runs in the family, are you concerned that you will have a heart attack at some point?

Your fan, TM@undefined

Alec tells it like it is
From: Alec-chan Asperchu  Christian Weston Chandler,

Why do you Threaten me? Why do you hate me enough to THREATEN my life? I only wanted to become a Great and True Artisan like you yourself are. Are you jealous because I have done so? You know, I spend my time making the ASPERCHU comic and devoting to making myself the BEST artisan I can be. I don't spend my time issuing DEATH THREATS, which as you should know by now is a FELONY and against the LAW.

By your OWN admission, I paid Jack Thaddeus to have the Ad Space. That means I legally have the Right to Advertise my creations there, that is how Advertising works. You care so much for your own legal rights so many occasions, Why do you not care for OTHER peoples' legal rights?

Perhaps in the dictatorship of CWCville you have the godly power to kill people who Only want to Aspire to Greatness in their Careers. But in America, we have something called Freedom of the PRESS, where someone who pays LEGALLY for adspace can advertise their Product without fear of MURDER. So I ask you also, why do you hate not only me, but AMERICA? Because you obviously do NOT approve of any different messages than your OWN.

Your former joy-boy,

Alec Benson Leary

P.S. Simonchu is feeling MUCH better now that he and his Lover Wild are under the safety of ALBville's laws, which protect SAME-SEX MARRIAGE such as THEIRS; Magi-chan likewise enjoys being able to be the Homogay he truly is under my Wise Rule. Perhaps you should devote your energy to fixing CWCville's problems so you don't lose MORE citizens.@undefined

Evan chimes in
From: Evang7 

I do not want either Simonchu OR Simonla in your comic, you have LOST MY TRUST. What about this is SO HARD to understand? looking at How You've Acted when people give Rosechu a Pickle, you are a HYPOCRITE.

Further proof of this: you speak against Asperchu using Your Characters, but it's Okay for you to use Mine? You're a Mocking Jerk. Tell You What: You can keep Simonla in the comics, if you let Alec use your characters. I don't want you using my Simonchu AT ALL, under ANY circumstances. You've Already Stolen him ONCE.

Don't you DARE reject this, you coward. Come out and Face Me.

-Evan@undefined

On Chris's imaginary unfaithfulness
From: Leslie Triballo 

You said in your mailbags that Meg Griffin pushed herself on you and you were powerless to stop her. And that Meg turned out to be Silvana so it's okay.

First of all, your character didn't even TRY to resist her. You flirted with her (saying amongst other things that you would "happily accept" her performing a sexual favor for you), punched a guy out for her (which you wouldn't do if you weren't trying to impress her), and despite her being all over you, not ONE SINGLE TIME did you say, "I'm sorry, but I'm already taken, please stop touching me." You never mentioned Lovely Weather to her at all. You let her do everything she did to you willingly and flirted right back. So stop lying that you were powerless to do anything.

Secondly, your character still thinks she's Meg. So it doesn't matter at all if she's Meg or Silvana. You still willingly flirted with her. That's a pretty lame excuse that no woman in real life wouldn't accept if you were cheating on her like that.

So stop being dishonest. Infidelity and lying isn't something to be teaching kids in your comic.

--Leslie@undefined