Jackie E-mails 19

This page covers e-mails exchanged between Chris and Jackie from 22 October to 28 October 2010. Highlights include talk of Jackie's pooping cousin, Gulliver, and Chris almost standing up for himself. Jackie gives a heartfelt speech about how Chris avoids any discussion of selling his PS3 to help their relationship. Once again, she is ignored. Chris is prompted to clean his shower, though he only manages to clean a small portion of it in the resulting video. Jackie once again criticizes Chris for his video game obsession, but Chris says it's not his fault and that Jackie should bear Crystal for him anyhow.

October 22, 2010 - 10:32pm

Hey Chris. I don't have much time to talk right now, I'll write more tomorrow. But I just wanted to say now that I have the final video planned for October 31 already, don't worry about that, but if also you want to do a Ghostbusters video for October 31 as extra credit, that's fine too. Maybe that can be part of your make-up work for being so late with your videos, actually. Yeah, that'd be perfect!

And what about the comic pages? You already had the inspiration for them, you just needed to get it down on paper. We talked weeks ago and you said you would start working on it right away. Maybe if you didn't sit for hours pressing the power button on your broken computer despite me giving you a better solution, you could have spent the time drawing the pages like you promised Alec Benson Leary you would. It's one thing to have a lack of inspiration for a few days, but come on, you made him that promise to him way back in March. After eight months of doing nothing, that "no inspiration" excuse is getting old.

Anyway, I'll write more tomorrow. Hope you and I can have another chat soon, hopefully on your new computer!!

XO XO XO XO

Jackie@undefined

October 23, 2010 - 7:21pm

Hey Chris! Hey, I was thinking how the list of ideas I most recently sent you will be completed tonight, and I thought of the video I'd like you to do for tomorrow night. I want you record yourself standing on a scale (you must have one somewhere, right?) and point the camera down at the scale so I can see how much you weigh. Then, I want you to put all your hardcopy video games (from all systems) on the scale so I can see how much they weigh. Make sure you point the camera at the scale's reading clearly so I can make it out.

Any idea on when you'll be able to upload these? You were going to sell a bulk of your games today so you could buy the new PC, right?

XOXO

Jackie@undefined

October 24, 2010 - 4:16pm

Hey Chris!

Wow, that's kind of a curious question. If you notice, I haven't really spoken much with you about your video games much in recent times. It just seemed like such a touchy subject for both of us. But I'm kind of relieved you brought it up, because there are some things I feel I should put out there about it.

To be honest, I really do feel kind of neglected by you in some ways. I mean, you've had ample opportunity to replace your dead PC so that you can upload the videos for me, but instead you choose not to. You choose to leave me high and dry, even though the terms of our contest require you to upload a video each and every day of the month of October. You replaced your PS3 in four days, you certainly could have done the same for your new PC.

When I ask why you dropped everything to buy a new PS3, you always say it was a spur-of-the-moment impulse, but it's been almost two months since you got it, yet you won't get rid of it. So keeping it isn't an impulse, it's a controlled decision you've made. You say that you would do anything for me, but you won't do the one thing that matters most to me. If you really wanted to give me my videos more than you wanted to play PS3 games, you would have sold the PS3 and used the money to buy a new PC, or at the very least sold the bulk of your games instead of continually buying more. Instead, you keep giving me updates that you spend all day just pushing the power button on your broken PC 200 times in a row, as if you don't know that it won't do any good. And what's worse - you are letting that be an excuse for why you barely email me anymore, because it makes you so tired to do, even though I told you over and over again it would be pointless! The end of October is rapidly approaching, Chris, and you must have those videos to me by the 31st. You've made it clear to me that under no circumstances will you get rid of your PS3. You say that I matter more than the PS3, but your actions are saying otherwise.

That's a chronic problem you seem to have that I want to address. You keep telling me that I matter more, you keep begging me to believe you. But you don't seem to want to acknowledge that you can't just say words and expect me or anyone to believe you when your actions constantly and tragically contradict your words. Sometimes hearing you say "you are my highest priority" while you sit and play video games and don't upload my videos is kind of like hearing a person say "I'm a vegetarian" at the same time as I'm watching them eat steak.

I'm sitting at home, crying my eyes out, because I'm supposed to be with a guy who professes his claim that he can be by my side through thick and thin, be an equal partner who shares in all aspects of life with me. But instead, I see that you are just letting yourself sink deeper and deeper into hell. You are letting that infernal toybox suck up your soul and your life. After months and months of me pleading with you to do away with your addiction and improve your life, you promise over and over "okay Jackie, I will change my habits", but you don't. Not only have you not gotten rid of it, you haven't even slowed down your spending - you told me you spent $80 on games and DVDs for the thing this month alone. You keep $230 a month, and you drop $80 on toys - that's a third of all your money! A THIRD of ALL your money! How are you going to support a family when you do that? If you won't bring yourself to change now, how am I supposed to be able to stop you when we're together? What will really change about your spending habits when we're together if you're not willing to man up and make the decision yourself? Further more, WHY should it be my responsibility to change your habits once we've met?

SIGH... Well anyway, that's how I feel. Well, I thought of a couple new video ideas. You're doing the scale video tonight, correct? For tomorrow's video, here's something simple: I want you to sing the theme song to the show Full House. It was one of my favorite shows when I was a kid, and I'd love to hear you sing it. You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fI_jdOrYPc Make sure you do the whole song. Play your guitar as you do so. And do you have a wig or something you could wear? Because the show had so much of an 80's feel, I think you should reflect that. I'd love to see you wear a mullet! If you have that kind of wig, that'd be great, but if you can't get one you can make one out of construction paper. I look forward to seeing it soon!

Jackie@undefined

October 25, 2010 - 3:40pm

Hey Chris! Not much time to talk, but I just wanted to say two things quickly. First of all, thank you very much for making sure I'm going to have my videos. I'm glad that you see how much that means to me. We can talk more about the other parts as well when I have more time, too. I really look forward to seeing the new videos tonight!

Secondly, you'll be doing the Full House video today, and after that I didn't give you any more specific instructions, correct? Don't plan any more costume or any other videos for tomorrow or the rest of the week. I've got some special ideas for the remainder of October that I want you to do. Like I said, no time to really go into detail right now, but I'll write more later tonight and tell you about them!

XO XO XO XO

Jackie@undefined

October 25, 2010 - 6:26pm

Hey Chris! I have a little more time now, so let me go over the remaining videos I want you to do for October:

October 26: In lieu of our previous aim conversation I have a confession to make… My little cousin Gulliver has a problem with dumping in the bed. So much so, my other cousins now call him Poopie as a nickname (he's a trooper though and has grown to like that name and wear it with pride. Feel free to call him by Gulliver, and Poopie). While bedwetting is a common childhood ailment, poopooing the bed is a whole different ball game. He's afraid that he won't grow out of this bad habit, and truth be told there is a chance he won't. The doctors think it may be a lifelong problem weak sphincters run on their side of the family. I want you to make a video talking to Gulliver about how it's okay to be different and, specifically, poop yourself. Since you do it still, I trust you Chris that it is not a big deal. I want you to convince my cute, 6 year old cousin that it's okay too. Cite experiences, be honest with him, as you have me, about pooping yourself. He once did it in the ball pit of McDonalds. That was the worst, he said. If you could ALSO (in addition to everything else I said) reference a time you've done it in public, that would be great to. I think you both would be great friends. ALSO ALSO since you did NOT SAY "At least my head's not a fucking orange" at the end of the video as I wanted I want you to specifically say, at the end of THIS video (I mean it Chris, don't make me cry :'( again…) to Gulliver: "Even though we poop ourselves, it could always be worse…. At least we don't have a head like a fucking orange". Than smile and end the video. And try to make this video fairly lengthy, like at least three minutes long, just so you make sure to cover a lot of ground.

October 27: I know that you have aspirations of being a good house-husband and father one day. So I want to see an example of your domestic skills! I want you to do a video of yourself cleaning the shower in your bathroom. Scour that thing from top to bottom, get all the mold and soap scum and grime off the tile and the tub. Show me at the beginning how dirty it is, and at the end how clean and sparkling you've made it!

October 28: For another video Chris, I want you to cook a romantic meal for you and I to enjoy virtually enjoy together. Though we are a distance from one another, I have always loved a man who enjoys food… so I want you to do a cooking show for me!!! Perform Chris, while making a romantic spaghetti and meatballs dinner ALL WHILE ON CAMERA. Offer the viewer (me, HEEHEE) a bite after you boil, heat, and cook our meal. I want to see red sauce, pasta, and meatballs on that plate… don't forget the grated cheese! You are my Emerel so make sure you say BANG!! after every step's completion. SQUEAL!!! :D At the end, I want you to sit down and eat the meal in front of the camera like Paula Dean… and just like Paula Dean I want you to savor the finished product. You're an animal, baby! a sexy beast! COOKIE MONSTER STYLE!! Dig your fingers into the spaghetti and smear that sauce across your face like it was my lipstick. I will want to eat you right up after this video Chris, I know I will!! Yummy boyfriend heehee xoxoxoxo :) :) :)

October 29: Chris, I want you to do a Bollywood video. One of my best friends and I are obsessed with Bollywood (Indian Hollywood) because its part of her family's culture and history. I want for you to remake this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L7IOh2J0cs And I want you dress up as the lead actress, Aishawarya Rai. She is known as the most beautiful woman in the world and I have such a girl crush on her!! She was Miss World and is all over Oprah! She is wearing a Sari. I want you to drape yourself, like her, in sheets and I want you to dance around very pretty and seductive. She is a hot lady, and you are a hot man! Clothes are just clothes. Make sure to include the bindi (jewel) on your forehead too. Than as the music plays, I want you to dance around. Twirl, shimmy, shake, rock your hips. Copy the dance moves the best you can. Really put the effort in. Like you're seducing me! DANCE AND SING ALONG. I want to see you sweat baby

October 30: I want you to show the replacement pages of the end of Sonichu 10. I counted, and the trial portion of the issue was 9 pages long, so that's how many pages I want you to do. You have five days to complete nine pages - I know you can do it! Better get started right away, just so you don't get overwhelmed. Anyway, Draw and color the pages the same way you always did, and then show and narrate them for the camera, as if you were doing your own audiobook presentation. Since you've been having trouble coming up with the inspiration for the finer details, let me give you the plot I want to see: Draw yourself as Mayor of CWCville hosting a parade throughout town. The primary guests of the parade will be Alec Benson Leary and Asperchu, and the theme of the parade will be a celebration of your forgiveness of both of them and your recognition that they are not trolls and they always wanted to be yours and Sonichu's friends. I know that you've said that you still have your misgivings about Alec Benson Leary, but you and I have talked through your gut-reaction anger toward him, and I know that you've come to realize that he was always just a nice guy who wanted your admiration. The time has come for you to show that you can be the bigger man and forgive him, and to give him the replacement pages you promised him so long ago. That's why I must insist on this plot for the pages - You MUST draw the nine pages of the parade and show them for October 30's video. I look forward to seeing it then!

October 31: Remember how you liked Pink Flamingos? I know that your favorite part was the kangaroo court scene where Divine put her enemies on trial. Well, I want YOU to have a Divine-themed trial, where you dress up as Divine and hold court over your trolls! You can use stuffed animals to represent the trolls in your trial - do Clyde Cash, Jack Thaddeus, whoever you want, whoever you think are your worst offenders. And as you will be playing as Divine, I want you to dress up as Divine! Put on a dress, like a muumuu (does your mom have any sunday dresses you could wear like that? Otherwise, you could just get one for cheap at the goodwill), and paint some "makeup" on your face, like heavy eyeshadow and rouge for your cheeks. Just like Divine wore! Then, be the judge and conduct a trial on your troll offenders, and sentence them to whatever punishment you see fit.

Also for October 31, I would love to see your Ghostbusters video as well. It will be like a bonus for me, two videos for one day!

So there you go. Just six more days of the contest are left, and I want to see your A game for every one of them. Now, make sure you save this email, print it out or something, make sure that you have it available to reference at any time so that you don't miss any details. That's very important, Chris, this is the home stretch, so I want to make sure you get everything perfectly correct - it will affect the outcome, afterall ;) ;) ;) I'm REALLY hoping for you to get everything right, because I want to "reward" you every bit as much as you want me to... <3 <3 <3

XOXOXOXO

Jackie@undefined

October 27, 2010 - 5:17pm

Hey Chris! Just checking in, haven't heard from you in a while. How are the videos coming? You said you'd just go upload them all on Saturday, but is there some reason you can't make several trips, like one each day? I mean, it's just to the library and back. What else are you really doing? I feel like I cannot cherish each video when you just dump them all on me at once.

Jackie@undefined

October 28, 2010 - 8:30am

Hi, Chris.

You told ME that you were over your silly anger at Alec in the long, long, longwinded chat that we had a few weeks ago. And you also told me in no uncertain terms that you would do these videos exactly as I ask. So I suppose that was a lie, wasn't it?

SIGH... Look Chris, I've put up with a lot of shit from you. When you asked if I was feeling neglected, I poured my heart out to you about how your addiction to that stupid toy PS3 is killing me. You responded back by ignoring most of what I said, then asking me to give you even LESS hard requirements for your remaining videos. You don't give me my videos on time. You don't do what it takes to get a new computer so you can do so. You couldn't even be bothered to drive to the damn library for over two weeks until I BEGGED you to do SOMETHING to get me my videos.

Let me put it simply for you. You WILL do the parade pages, and you WILL do the rest of my videos exactly as I instructed. And you WILL write to Alec and ask him to talk to you so you can get all this bullshit anger out of your head once and for all. I will be writing to Alec to tell him to expect an email from you, and ask him to let me know if you follow through or not. You WILL do all these things, or I will NOT be coming to meet you. Because I'm really tired of listening to a guy tell me he loves me more than anything at the same time as he refuses to get rid of a damn video game console for me and tries to avoid and weasel out of what little work I ask of him.

Don't write back telling me you love me and that you'll find "another" way to make me happy. Do what I asked you to do. THEN I'll know whether you love me or not.

Jackie@undefined