User:Da Nuke/Video comments

CWC - Hand Drawn Original
''Addendum [CWC-20090804a]: What the fuck is his "John Hancock"?... freudian slip for his pickle? I'll take three swigs of wine just for that.'' -- Da Nuke 00:03, 22 September 2009 (CEST)
 * Update: Got a PM saying "John Hancock" is an American cultural thing. It means a signature, and the name comes from one of the Founding Fathers of the USA, the one who had one of the largest signature on the Declaration of Independence. THE MOAR YOU KNOW :3 -- Da Nuke 15:35, 12 October 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804b]: Why the fuck is he using markers? Can't he just use real color pencils like the pros? Fuck, even a 12-pencil box of Professional Prismacolors is fine for him... oh wait, yeah, pencils are too advanced for him and besides they're too expensive (and that's unfortunately true, the 24 box cost me $20 and that's with college subside D:), even though these pencils are the best of the best of the best...'' -- Da Nuke 00:08, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804c]: I will partially concur with him that his drawing style is uncopiable... because with my drawing skills I would have a hard time imitating his abysmally lame style ¬¬'' -- Da Nuke 00:22, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804d]: Green soulful eyes? More like green dead shark eyes!'' -- Da Nuke 00:24, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804e]: I gotta keep eating that cheese... it's right now the only thing that will drown out this retard manchild's bullshit...'' -- Da Nuke 00:27, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804f]: Aw man, now he dedicated this drawing to Kacey... oh sweet Saint Chinian Cave de Roquebrun, may these four sips sink the fail overload that has just horsed through my soul D:'' -- Da Nuke 00:29, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804g]: Now he displayed us the Official and Originial Hand-Drawn Cover of Sonichu 0. Aw man, I'm still surprised why it's not framed in clear resin. I can fucking wager it has been elevated to one of Chrissy's sources of hubris along with his fake-ass diplomas. *Picard facepalm*'' -- Da Nuke 00:32, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804h]: Well, at least he had the decency of typing text into them... these goddamn scribbles he calls "handwriting" are IN-FUCKING-COMPREHENSIBLE.'' -- Da Nuke 00:34, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804i]: OH SHIT, HE JUST RUINED THE EXCEL SAGA OP. The first anime that managed to make me watch 12 chapters in one sitting. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---'' -- Da Nuke 00:36, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804j]: "You fell in love with Sonichu and Rosechu in the world of CWCville". See how the manchild has just retconned reality to make his shallow love interest possible. In his little fucking dreamworld whose anchors to the real world are the Medallion and his toys... Ô, Saint Chinian Cave de Roquebrun, je te prie que trois bouchées de ta rouge essence me donnent la force pour résistir cette supercharge d'échec et sida!'' -- Da Nuke 00:53, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804k]: Ask for his ID... ONLY BANKS DO THAT, ASSHOLE, AND THAT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO BE CAUTIOUS. (I had to hand mine but that's because my name is so weird they think it's my nickname). Asking for it is a great fucking lack of confidence. D:<'' -- Da Nuke 01:00, 22 September 2009 (CEST)
 * PS: Some supermarkets in France ask for it too when you pay with an American credit card. Some don't. I hadn't paid nothing with credit card at Carrefour but at Ed I had and they didn't asked for it, so I assumed it was safe to leave my passport at the dorm where noone could steal it. Oh man, did I shat brix so hard because I was asked for an ID and I didn't had a valid one D: so hard, that I ended up going again just to see if packing my passport was fine. -- Da Nuke 02:51, 23 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804l]: Man, I love how he talks passionately about love in that autistic deadpan emotionless monotone. *classic facepalm*'' -- Da Nuke 01:03, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

''Addendum [CWC-20090804m]: Thank you, Saint Chinian Cave de Roquelin, thank you so much. You made me endure the last final round of massive fail about Chrissy's gal-pals. ''

''PS: This video made me drink 3/4 of a bottle of wine. THREE FUCKING QUARTERS. Only then was I able to resist its fail. That's how fucking awful is Chris. That's why we troll him and feel no remorse!'' -- Da Nuke 01:06, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

Ep 1

 * 0:13: You're not Christian Weston Chandler. You're Ian Brandon Anderson. (Yes, I know it's old, but seeing him rage over painfully trivial shit can be hilarious. Like calling his town "Fuckersville".
 * 0:17: "Vivian is a hack"... BORDEL, VIVIAN EST UNE VRAIE DIRECTEURE FRANÇAISE, CHRIS! What I just said here is that our dear Frenchwoman Vivi is a real director ^^
 * 0:30: The jittery sound makes it hard to figure, but did just Chris said everything here is fictitious? Nice disclaimer. Might work for immediate legal purposes. But what about you vs. the Great Dean, huh? HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!?
 * 0:44: *SIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHH*... Chris just read an enthusiastic line, with exclamation marks and whatnot, in an indifferent deadpan monotone. Being autistic doesn't counts. This is not knowing shit about acting.
 * 1:21: Oh God... HE INSERTS HIMSELF SINCE THE FIRST FUCKING PANEL. Fictitious comic my ass! One contradiction within one page, what about that, huh?
 * 1:44: What's that with the fucktarded "music"? I would prefer a scene with no music, only explosions, screams and stuff blowing up. Kinda like the battle scenes from Band of Brothers or D-Day from Saving Private Ryan. It's grittier and more awesome. But of course, Chris being Chris, he needs that shit because that's what kiddie animu and Saturday Morning cartoons do. ¬¬
 * 1:52: PROTIP: There's a capital rule on art that says "Show, don't tell". That means, you don't tell every single little aspect of the story in descriptive detail, but you give only enough hints on how something is like. This way you cater more to the reader's imagination. Example: you don't say someone failed a test by writing all his retarded answers, you just say he wrote mind-numbingly retarded answers. There's also a law, called Law of Conservation of Detail, which says that only details that are relevant to the plot should go. In this case, if Chris said "15 miles away" it would be better if he just said "Not too far away". This is a story, not an IETF Request For Comments.
 * 2:05: OH MAN. Look how easy that girly falsetto comes for Chris. Says something about his voice, you know?
 * "Huh?... the battle is on... TIME TO ZAP!". Chris's botched attempt at creating a cartoon catchphrase. If I had written this, it would be more like: "Huh... what the fuck is going on... oh shit, what the flying fucking fuck FUCK THIS BEAST IS GONNA BLOW UP STATION SQUARE!"
 * 2:49: "THUNDERRRRRRRRR!!!". I lol'd hard :D
 * 2:55: Look at all this enthusiastic crowd! ¬¬ actually, I like it that way, definitely says how they're faking it because Sonichu is just so retarded.
 * End: "Stay tuned for more zappin' adventures of Sonichu!"... Grand Cidre Écusson, je te prie que tes bulles de pomme fermentée me donnent les forces pour surmonter cette géante saloperie! -- Da Nuke 00:07, 30 September 2009 (CEST)

Ep 2

 * 0:31: "CWCville, Virginia, a vibrant community with cool people"... Go one single day to Paris. That, my friend, is coolness. Cosmopolitan, historic and modern, multicultural, artistic and technical, lively, sprawling, and best of all: REAL. ¬¬
 * 0:58: "A spunky beautiful girl"... Did Chris already recycled his navy when he wrote this? If so, LOL FREUDIAN SLIP :D
 * 1:05: Hobbies: shopping and cooking. That is, when modern Western girls have long since stopped seeing it as female duties. (Srsly, the only females I've seen cooking here in campus have been those from overseas, e.g. India, China, Venezuela, Tunisia, and that's because people in general [including men] from these countries cook often). Says something about Chris's views on da womyn, huh?
 * 1:14: Rosechu's favorite flower: THE ZAPBUD. A flower Chris pulled from his ass, certified by a Google search, where CWCki appears as top result when you search "zapbud". LAMEST FUCKING PUN I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!
 * 1:32: "Created by spilling cherry cola on a vial of DNA"... the only thing that can compare with this faggotry is the "Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice and the Substance X" that created the Powerpuff Girls. ¬¬
 * 2:13: I SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHed even harder than before. Chris CANNOT EVEN FUCKING READ, BITCHES. HE CANNOT READ. I would excuse his lack of reading, writing, speech and maybe listening skills if he was a foreigner, BUT HE WAS BORN SPEAKING SHAKESPEARE'S TONGUE! *facepalm*
 * 4:00: Chris, rattling about himself, saying the ONLY emotive lines he has said so far in the comic, while he just glazes over "Slaweel Ryam" the cockblocker for a few seconds. I am seriously wishing I had SCP-105 sitting by my side so I could use her to punch him over the internet, and I am currently restraining myself HARD from throwing my netbook against the wall.
 * 4:18: HE'S MORE SUCCESSFUL AT RELATIONSHIPS EACH DAY, BITCHES. HOW ABOUT THAT!? I seriously, SERIOUSLY, feel like destroying something!
 * 4:28: "I lost the original address to the damn dirty trolls"... "The new Officiarr and Originarr Sonichu site is CWCipedia"... OH CHRIS, IF ONLY YOU KNEW. If only you knew that Cogs, the wiki sysop, is the trolls' sysop, and that your oh-so-sacred wiki is sitting on the very same hosting account as your worst enemies' site...
 * 5:35: *runs to the fridge to see if there's more cider*... I'm out of booze. I am NOT watching this until I get moar. If I have to drink two fucking bottles of wine, so be it. This faggotry needs moar alkeyhol than you can shake a stick at to numb the mind and make it palatable. I quit. I fucking quit. -- Da Nuke 00:37, 30 September 2009 (CEST)
 * ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Who's the man and a half!? I'm the man! I'm the MAN AND A HALF! I'm a Bordeaux-packing MAN AND A HALF!!! BRING IT ON, CHRIS!!! -- Da Nuke 02:40, 2 October 2009 (CEST)
 * 5:37: "I've Felt So Lonesome"... I'm so ronery... very ronery... TEAM AMERICA! FUCK YEAH! What some GOOD comedy can do to hold Chris's fail! :D
 * 5:45: "Why don't you hit my Dragonite?"... Oh Chris, you fail so hard at romance! ¬¬
 * 5:52: Notice how Rosechu doesn't wants Dragonite not because she just doesn't wants him or because no, just no, or because she loves Sonichu. She rejects him BECAUSE HE'S TOO BIG. Talks something about her loyalty to Sonichu, rite?
 * 6:24: Alright... Rosechu just said "OH MY THIS GUY IS SO HAWT, I gotta let him in!". Makes sort of sense, if Chris wants to establish her as a horny teenager, which she probably is considering her age...
 * 6:34: Disregard that, I suck cocks. I'd cringe at the first-sight love, but this is an actually common fallacy. But this... THIS IS THE MOST STILTED ROMANCE EVER. Chris's attempts at being witty just fail flat. Ugh!
 * 7:08: I would punch Kel so fucking hard if she insinuated a romance like that in that tone. Srsly.
 * 7:16: What the fuck's up with the sudden cut!? They were just starting their date -- with the retarded question of what's your favorite color -- and Chris just suddenly jump cuts to the two suddenly sitting in a romantic hilltop. Definitely says something about how much you know about romance, Chris-chan!
 * 7:29: OK... kinda normal so far since last comment...
 * 7:43: OK... still kinda normal if we consider Sonichu was sort of established like a James Bond-grade ladies man, and that this scene happened a few days later...
 * End: AND THEN CHRIS RUINED THE ONLY DECENT SCENE WITH HIS MAGICAL FIREWORKS BEING VOICED WITH HIS BOTCHED SOUND EFFECTS!!! D:< I'm gonna need three more fucking sips of Bordeaux to drown all this fail! -- Da Nuke 02:56, 2 October 2009 (CEST)

Ep 3

 * 0:05: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc! Way to start your comic, with your alter ego which is actually your own flaming ghey subconscious! LOL FREUDIAN SLIP!
 * 0:21: Then release Rosie now!... LOL QUOI? When the fuck did he kidnapped Rosechu?... oh wait, yeah, continuity is the last thing I can expect from this manchild. *facepalm*
 * 0:40: Oh, OK, alright... I guess that's his 2002 self still with some grasp on that elusive concept that Chris currently cannot understand, that thing known by professional writers as "continuity", and an actually clever beginning using that classic plot device called In Medias Res, which is Latin for "in the middle of the things"...
 * 0:44: Disregard that, I suck cocks. Chris just slapped in some good ol' sexism in Rosechu's spendthrift shopping. Out of all the girls I know, I can count those who are that fucking vain with the fingers of one hand, and I don't even like that kind of girl for being so fucking devoid of anything that ressembles intelligence. In fact, to the contrary, I dig bohemian indie artfag girls ^^
 * 0:57: I, right now, am learning to keep track of every single little euro I spend, and right now I'm trying my hardest to stick as close as possible to an average of 3 € per day. And Rosechu, she can't just fucking do that. Fuck you Chris. Proof that you don't know how money works.
 * 1:11: 1.- Fuck you Chris for dissing those delicious pickles I'm eating with cheese, dried sausage and wine. 2.- Fuck you Chris for doing this DISGUSTING nasal laugh which I'm sure it was a botched attempt at sounding cute. D:<
 * 1:43: LAMEST. ACTION. SCENE. EVAR. God fuck, I need two more swigs of wine!
 * 2:15: I would wonder what just went wrong, because Chris just slapped himself in the last panel where Sonichu -- of course -- wins the fight. But I just remembered it's just too much to ask Chris for a little bit of continuity. ¬¬
 * 2:32: Chris just entered the story saying he's the Mayor of his retarded fucking little 50,000-people city which he claims to be the best of the world. The day when I see a place in Cwcville (or Charlottesville, considering Chris has said Cwcville is like C-Ville) that looks even a little bit like La Défense, Champs-Élysées, Mouffetards or Montparnasse, THEN I will give him credit. But no, Cwcville is just fucking lame. LAAAAAAAAAME. *facepalm*
 * 2:42: "I think this comic is my best yet!"... Talk about unwarranted self-importance, ASSHOLE! I need more wine to overcome this fail!
 * 2:52: This is pure fucking history. You can see how Chris still had a fire within himself that compelled to get a Sweetheart. In French this is called "fougue" (pronounced "foog"). A fire within him, that actually made him get up from his ass and go find a boyfriend-free girl! Not everything can do this to Chris, bitches!
 * 2:59: Look how he thinks his Escort is a cool car. I have driven my brother's Escort, and I can tell you, the Escort 1997's 2.0 L SplitPortInduction 2000, 110 HP <<< my Pontiac Sunfire's 2.4 L Twin Cam, 150 HP. And that's before I buy myself a Cadillac DeVille with a 4.2 L Northstar V8 engine with 270 HP. The Escort is a lame car, I sometimes preferred to drive it because, well, it's in a much better state than my Pontiac (it's kinda old and battered), but still, whenever possible, I drove my Sunfire because I love that fucking jolt it gives on my neck when I hit the throttle!
 * 3:10: "And then, he will keep saying "One girlfriend, please", because he will probably fail again"... LOL, CHRIS IS FOR ONCE TRUE TO HIMSELF! :D
 * 3:19: "...AND FOR THE RECORD, HE LOVES VAGINAS! HE'S STRAIGHT!". Nice way to tell us how you, Chris, are single-mindedly fixated on sex! PROTIP: There are much more things to adult life than sex. Things that your retarded brain will NEVAR, EVAR understand.
 * 3:45: "I could cut 100 logs before breakfast, but I had lunch a couple hours ago"... parsing in progress........... 25% done........... 50% done........... 75% done........... PARSING COMPLETE. I take this as it means that Sonichu, now Metonic, could cut 100 logs only before breakfast, and now that he had lunch, he can cut down like OVER NINE THOUSAND. Amirite?
 * 3:55: Rosechu is now Vamprosa. I think I've been reading too much about twitards in Gaia Online, but I think this shit is equally retarded. ¬¬
 * 4:28: Moar stilted romance. I love how Chris writes that shit knowing nothing, NOTHING AT ALL, about any such thing as pleasing or entertaining a person. I mean, I could immediately learn that the best way for me, Mexican, to please a Frenchman, is to speak Spanish to them, because Europeans in general love Spain and Latin America. But Chris... *facepalm*
 * 4:45: ISSUE ZERO AND HE ALREADY THREW IN HIS LOEV QUEST. How about that, bitches!? How about a quest dedicated entirely to doing what Chris, the 10-year-old (in 2002, he has regressed to like 6 years), thought was his duty as an Adult!?
 * 4:49: FUCK YEAH SLAWEEL! KICK CHRIS'S FUCKING ASS! :D
 * 4:58: I FUCKING SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL CHRIS!!! I'M GONNA MAKE HIM EAT HIS MOTHERFUCKING DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS!!! AND I'M GONNA MAKE HIM REPEAT THE ORDEAL HE HAD WITH BLUESPIKE!!! AND I'M GONNA GIVE HIM THE WORST HUMILIATION I WOULD GIVE TO A GRADE SCHOOL KID!!! Chris just dared ruining Dragonball Z with his Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, WHICH WAS THE SERIES ON WHICH I WAS RAISED WHEN I WAS A CHILD, and he didn't even got it from the series, HE GOT IT FROM EXCEL-SAGA! Do you have an idea of how meaningful to me are Goku, Gohan, Raditz, Pikkoro, Freezer, Cell, Nappa, Vegeta, Chaoz, Tenshinhan, Oxzatan, Puerh, Oolong, Bulma, Trunks, Yamcha, #16, #17, #18, Goten, Lunch, Majinbuu, Giru, Uub, Pan, and the One Star Dragon!? It was thanks to them that I was initiated in that whole animu shit! I just drank the entire glass of Bordeaux for this! Do you realize what it means!? DO YOU, DO YOU, HUH!? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
 * 5:05: LOL WAS!? Did Chris, uh, just won here? This is so confusing... :S (Lol, I was about to write "configuring" out of pure muscle memory from writing "/etc/ .conf" so much times back in my Linux class :D)
 * 5:12: And... did Chris just transformed into Chris-chan Sonichu? God, these videobooks are more confusing than the comic itself. More confusing than Serial Experiments Lain and that's already saying a lot D:
 * 5:16: Lol, Chris goes on a quest to rescue Snorlax :D (And dear god, did I bit my cheek so hard with the last comment! D:)
 * 5:29: And 'tis a trap from Naitsirhc. GO NAITSIRHC, GO AND KICK THE AUTISTIC! :D
 * 5:52: Aw SHIT, something finally had to go wrong for Naitsirhc! ¬¬
 * 5:58: LOLOLOLOLOL!!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDD SNORLAX IS WEARING A CHRIS-CHAN-LIKE STRIPED SHIRT OF FAIL!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID WE MISSED THAT SHIT!?!?!?!? FUNNIEST FUCKING SONICHU PANEL EVER!!! :D :D :D :awesome:
 * 6:15: FUCK YEAH, the Great Dean's Jerkops and her Jerkop Squad! GO OUT AND THWART CHRISSY'S LOVE QUEST, and protect the world from his fail, aids, ghey and xerxes!
 * 6:37: NO! NO SHIT! FUCK! The Jerkops were defeated! CHRIS WILL HAVE HIS WAY! Read the story of Chris and Gen-hime! AND SEE WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF DOING! D:
 * END: WHAT THE FLYING FUCKING FUCK!? Did a girl just offered herself to Chris for serious non-trolling purposes!? Aw Chris, nice way to kill your story, and nice way to fucking make it fail! D:< -- Da Nuke 04:04, 2 October 2009 (CEST)

Ep 17
(Note: I decided to skip all the way to episode 17 because it's too fucking awesome to miss :D)


 * Alright, let's get started with this shit! I've already went through 3/4 of a 75 cl bottle of Leffe 9º and I'm ready for this! -- Da Nuke 02:31, 9 October 2009 (CEST)
 * 0:11: The OK version... yeah, right, because the OK version is the one that is narrated by YOU, who is 100% concentrated fail!
 * 1:15: After the incredibly soul-piercing scream of JIGGULIAMEEEEE!!!!! follows the retcon! Now Sonichu and Rosechu have been living happily married in a house in the hideously deformed Cwcville, which Chris thinks it's the coolest fucking city in the world even though Paris fucking pwns every single fucking city in the world! (I went to Olympiades last week, and there, I saw K-ON! and Hatsune Miku CDs for 20 euros. Not 20000 ¥, but 20 €. Never thought I'd see these outside of Japan. And Olympiades can be reached through Métro 14).
 * 1:29: METROPOLIS!!!??? IS CWCVILLE A METROPOLIS!!!??? FUCK YOU CHRIS, YOU JUST DECLARED CWCVILLE BETTER THAN LA VILLE-LUMIÈRE!!!
 * 1:45: YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. Accurate measurements 'cause you went to CADD. Even though Kene Meniru, the best teacher of PVCC, fucking failed you on his class which was the most important of the major. Two sips of Leffe for this. FAIL.
 * 1:52: "Master bedroom" sounds like "masturbate". LOL FREUDIAN SLIP :d
 * 3:47: I skipped like one third of the video to fast-forward to the part where Sonichu and Rosechu face Jason Kendrick Howell, one of the most awesome people here at PVCC... and now I got to the part where Sonichu confuses drawings with pictures. Definitely shows how Chris's drawings show the maximum of visual information he can process. FAIL.
 * 4:14: Lol, Chris retches at 4centgarbage. Just like I retch at him. (And I also retch at 4chan, but for completely unrelated reasons ¬¬)
 * 4:33: "Last time I checked you were a full-fledged woman!"... Oh Sonichu, why do you have to give the most retarded reasons for believing what you believe?
 * 4:47: Sweetbolt is the most fucking retarded pet name for a boyfriend. And I love how Chris's STRESS starts seeping in :D
 * 5:33: Leffe, la grande création des moines belges, éteigne mon esprit et laisse moi seulement mon inconscient, pour pouvoir surmonter le géant échec de Chris et cettes photos "sexys" qui ont tué une part de mon âme!
 * 5:51: "Shoot", "dang"? SAY DAMN SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, GODDAMMIT!!! CHRIS, YOU'RE A FUCKING ADUL... oh wait, he's not, he's a 7-year-old. *facepalm*
 * 6:11: Clarksville, TN. Is that the only place Chris knows outside of Virginia?...
 * 6:24: I'd lambast him for saying the building is tall, but I was just as fucking flummoxed with awe when I got out of the rail station at La Défense. THAT FUCKING PLACE IS PURE FUCKING MODERNITY. And the Cœur Défense building is so fucking sleek and awesome!
 * 6:55: What the fuck are those two guys doing here?...
 * 7:13: WALL OF FUCKING TEXT. I'll drink the rest of that glass of Leffe meanwhile. It's more fun.
 * 8:17: Wow. This beer is working wonders. I'm capable of going through Chris's nasal, high-pitched childish voice (in which he called his mantitx FUCKING CUTE) without even flinching. I think I'm going to Belgium on winter vacations :D
 * 8:41: Don't you like when Chris sings a little song? Oh man, it ruins the entire scene. Why does he feels the need to sing? Does he seriously thinks he absolutely needs a soundtrack? Sometimes not having one adds more grit to the scene.
 * 8:47: "It really sets the mood!"... "Yeah, if you live in a volcano"... LOL ČO, random access humor?
 * 9:04: Still moar problems to read. GOTTA POLISH THOSE READING SKILLS, CHRIS-CHAN. Read moar Chuck Paladuck!
 * 9:11: It's me, or Chris's devil speaks Scottish. :D
 * Part 2, 0:11: Eye-Contact. What you have failed to practice, Chris. You just don't know how. Chris, I was unable to do eye contact like you. But I learned. Why? Because I tried hard. And my LAN teacher, who is like my second father, took a little time to make me notice. Chris, you fail. YOU FUCKING FAIL AT SOCIAL SKILLS!!!
 * 0:21: Forgiveness. YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. See how Chris contradicts himself through Rosechu later!
 * 0:38: "Because Jesus died for us"... reminds me of the time these Baptist motherfuckers tried to grab me from the dick and pull me into their church, to which I went only because that church used to be my elementary school. They started to tell me that I must accept GodJesus into my heart and I will save myself. I just politely ignored them, got outta there, and floored the pedal of my Sunfire.
 * 0:52: Sonichu cannot fathom how much of a jerk is Jason Kendrick Howell. OH, SONICHU, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Jason Howell, as he said in his retrospective, is your greatest enemy along with Clyde Cash!
 * 1:00: I'll be drinking while this parade of retarded 4chan memes passes.
 * 2:03: Everybody is shitfaced at 4centgarbage. GOD FUCK I WOULD KILL FOR WORKING AT A PLACE LIKE THAT!!!
 * 3:05: First proclamation of having vagina, uterus and ovaries. The one thing that can control Chris! As the Mexican saying goes: "two tits move more than a fuckton of chariots"!
 * 3:40: LOL, Chris lashed out at us mangling his GENTLEMEN straw! :D :D :D
 * 3:43: "Sour vegetable" == pickle?... Fuck you Chris, pickles are awesome. I felt like shit today for forgetting to buy some. ¬¬
 * 4:56: Nice disclaimer saying you care about da womyn. YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. Because Gen felt comfortable with you. FAIL.
 * 5:55: Chris just ruined the Pink Panther. I so need to eat a pickle. D:
 * 6:45: Lol,, I never knew telepathy worked like radio. What's next, the NATO alphabet? :D
 * 6:58: Nice way to voice a spell declamation in a deadpan monotone. You're so autstic. ¬¬
 * 7:14: Compare Chris's abysmal voice acting of Jason with Jason Kendrick Howell's awesome acting of himself. Chris, you suck at acting. STOP NOW. (Oh yeah, he already has... Nuke, remeembr this is all because Chris felt butthurt at Vivian Gee's audiobooks).
 * 7:24: Chris is dissing my French teacher at the French Alliance. Her name is Kathleen too. And she's hot and with a great attitude. ¬¬
 * 7:48: Is that when Chris started peppering his lines with the word "humble", i.e. the antonym of "Chris", like when he was interviewed by Keine Officer Keino?...
 * 7:55: I, a total not-American spic-eurofag, can tell this little "patriotic" song fucking sucks. ¬¬
 * 8:42: Wall of text, wall of text... WHEN DOES ROSECHU FACERAPES HIM!?
 * End of part 2: FUCK YEAH, JASON KENDRICK HOWELL HAS JUST SUMMARIZED HOW I BELIEVE! I believe that people live and die, and that Chris is not allowed to find true love! JASON! JASON! JASON! :D
 * Part 3, 0:11: Jason Howell deflected this attack with the power of Slovakia, France, Mexico, Netherlands, Finland, Russia and the UK! WILD! :D
 * 0:52: EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I SEE CHRIS'S STILTED ROMANCE I WANT TO RAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! D:< 'YOU KNOW HOW I RAGE AND YOU KNOW I FUCKING EXPLODE AND I AM DRUNK AND I DON'T HAVE ANY MENTAL RESTRAINING LOCKS!!!!!!!!! D:<
 * 1:15: Panty shot. Because all men must think constantly about china every single waking second. Just like you have trained yourself, Chris. Fuck you. ¬¬
 * 2:07: FUCK YEAH JASON THREW ROSECHU A PICKLE!!! Ohhhhh, why the hell are you teasing me, I can't wait until Carrefour opens tomorrow to buy that jar of pickles! :D
 * 2:34: LOL, everytime Chris rages he sounds like he's constipated :D :D :D
 * 3:20: FUCK YEAH, THE ALMIGHTY UTERUS!!! Chris is pure fucking genius here. Pure. Fucking. Genius. He has summarized in one single fucking comic page why the Man finds the Woman so mistifying, and also literally why the Man has historically subjugated the Woman: because Man was afraid of the power of the Almighty Uterus. That's why. Yup. Don't believe me? Read a book about gender sociology and tell me what you have learned. This is why. This is why. THIS. IS. FUCKING. WHY. BITCHES! *dancing awesome*
 * 4:22: Dayum, that's some Genocyber part 1 shit Chris has just pulled! O_O
 * 4:55: FUCK YEAH JASON HOWELL IS STIL ALIVE! :D
 * 5:17: END for me. Damn, I fucking swear I could show this comic at my knowledge and culture class and say this is why Man has enslaved Woman through history, and get a motherfucking A+ on this. This is why Gen and Kimiry can control Chris however they want: because of the Almighty Fucking Uterus. Chris's greatest weakness is just this! :D

Kacey's Father's Call: The Drinking Game!
RULES:
 * 1) 1 drink for every time Chris shills himself.
 * 2) 1 drink for every time Chris rages, berates or is smug (and mind you, my threshold for smugness is really high).
 * 3) 1 drink for every time Chris makes me facepalm or rage.
 * 4) 1 drink for every time Chris bitches about his life.
 * 5) 2 drinks for every time Chris repeats one of his stock phrases.
 * 6) 2 drinks for every nuclear rage.

LET'S GET IT ON!!! -- Da Nuke 02:20, 12 November 2009 (CET)


 * 0:00:25: Damn, Chris just shilled his physical "strength" with the 51 reps of 50 MOTHERFUCKING POUNDS. 50 pounds is 23 kg, fuck dammit. And 23 kg of suitcase + 8 kg of backpack was what I had to haul from Charles de Gaulle to my dorm. ON MY OWN. Fuck you so much, Chris. Fuck you so much. Two sips because Chris made me rage. (Dayum, Leffe really is fucking good, it's so rich, savory and full-bodied it can be called liquid bread :D)
 * 0:01:00: One more sip because shit is SO FUCKING HEAVY D: ¬¬
 * 0:02:00: Wow, Matthew's introduction is so full of intimidating deep voice :D
 * 0:02:16: Shieeeeettttt, look at how Chris answered "that's fun" to Matthew's univocally serious-business-meaning voice. 1 sip.
 * 0:02:32: "I've been filling applications left and right!"... YAAAAAHHHHH, 'cuz you haven't done like I did last year when I did had to submit applications left and right unti my internetworking teacher agreed to take me under his arm. FAIL. 2 sips: one for shilling himself, one for pissing me off!
 * 0:03:07: Chris tells his entire "work experience". 2 sips: one for shilling himself, another because my computer was a slanderous troll and decided to freeze (and thank fucking god I'm writing this on Notepad++ D:)
 * 0:03:20: Chris dumps his shit about his CADD certificate. 1 sip for shilling himself, 2 sips for dumping a stock phrase.
 * 0:03:55: "This was a job [at Target] my certificate would get me"... God, Chris, you obviously know jack shit about the job market. If only you knew at least the basic jobs a CADD certificate could get you... fuck, even more basic shit like a Cisco Systems CCNA certification already makes you fucking awesome in the eyes of many a HR executive. 1 sip for making me facepalm.
 * 0:04:57: Chris now tells his story of how he was such a saintly altruist at the Pokémon TCG League. 1 sip!
 * 0:05:10: And just to top it off, one more stock phrase: "I helped them build their decks from scratch". Taken from his "resumé". More liquid bread down!
 * 0:05:42: Damn, Chris still thinks Pokémon is as strong as it was back in the nineties. Clearly says something about what years he lives, huh? One sip for that. 1 glass down so far.
 * 0:06:02: "You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years"... MATTHEW, YOU FUCKING RULE. If homosessuals were allowed in the Marines I would be ghey for ya! :D
 * 0:06:15: Chris calls his job "babysitting", and Matt objects saying it should pay. I lol'd ^^
 * 0:06:25: Matt's definition of "volunteer work": going to shit like Red Cross and actually helping people. A+!
 * 0:07:19: Is Chris saying "like, you know" all the time because he learned from reality shows starring dumbass valley girls that this is how people speak? I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Damn... 1 sip for making me facepalm.
 * 0:08:23: Oh shit, Matt's subtle mockery of Chris is fucking reaching critical mass! GO GO MATT #1!!!
 * 0:09:25: Jesus fucking Raptor Christ, Chris just reiterated he was serious about Kacey. Chris, you weren't even serious for Megan, your God-Given Sweetheart. FAIL. You showed unwarranted self-importance and you made me facepalm. 2 sips!
 * 0:09:36: Fuck you Chris. You're lying. You're lying out of your fucking ass. You're NEVAR going to move out of your house. NEVAR. I know it. NEVAR! 1 sip for that.
 * 0:10:04: "A whole bunch of details"... fucking shit, I could sort out all those details in record time now that I've been served a big hearty dose of bureaucracy in a foreign language. Sip for that.
 * 0:10:05: EXPLLLLAIIIIIN, PLEEZE. Matt is being so fucking awesome :D
 * 0:10:45: "It's something I'm not very comfortable enough because I haven't been to college for a few years". Why is this the one and only kinda sorta valid excuse Chris has given so far? Still, if he really needs a roommate, he should just suck it up like a man. But I'm asking too much from Chris. Sip for that.
 * 0:10:57: "My daughter needs A Man, A MAN, to support her!". GO GO MATT! FUCK CHRIS! GO GO MATT! <3
 * 0:11:14: Matt just grilled Chris over being really serious about Kacey when he's all about being the lazy "houseman"...
 * 0:11:17: "I am able to support myself"... FUCK YOU CHRIS, YOU'RE NOT. You don't even have the self-discipline it takes to live on your own! Fuck you so much. Srsly. And I think this is a stock phrase. He shilled himself, he made me facepalm, and he blurted a stock phrase. Four sips!
 * 0:11:25: "I will be able to support your daughter as well"... Look at him. 1 sip, 2 glasses down. ¬¬
 * 0:12:00: I think I just realized how Chris views his income. I think he views him as an upgraded form of the weekly disposable income a kid receives. Because that's his monthly allowance, and his dads are da gummint. Chris: I'm better than you. I already had my own income gained with my elbow-greased strength, use of power tools, and I had to figure out how to learn electrician skills in order to lay network cables. Fuck you Chris. 1 sip for pissing me off. (Shiet, this Leffe is so good even the foam is tasty, shit is orgasmic O_o)
 * 0:12:14: "A stepping stone in the right direction"... this sort of corporate buzzwords is a stock phrase even among otherwise professional managers. May 3 sips of Belgium's finest ale cureth ye pain a stock phrase hath causeth!
 * 0:12:21: "I am very strong willed"... for once, I'm not drinking to this, because for once Chris told the truth. Who else is strong-willed enough to keep a futile Love Quest from 2002 to 2009? Who else is strong-willed enough to push for making a bullshit comic into a game? Who else is strong-willed enough to push for accepting his shit poem as a "decent" high school homework? Tell yew wut, not even Simon and Kamina!
 * 0:12:54: "I'm High-Functionally Autistic". Stock phrase + Pissing me off + Shilling himself (because he thinks it's good) + Bitching about his life (because he also uses it as a crutch when convenient) + Saying it smugly = 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 6 FUCKING SIPS. The highest concentration of fail measured as sips of Leffe, bitches! (Shit, that's half the fucking glass D:)
 * 0:13:21: Matt says Chris is retarded in a roundabout sort of way. OH FUCKING MATT I LOVE YOU <333
 * 0:14:03: Chris smugly tells Matt that Kacey won't have retarded children. 1 sip for this bullshit. And 1 sip for 110mb pissing me off 'cuz it just decided to fail. D:<
 * 0:14:42: Kacey just sat Chris back in his place because she has the power of the Almighty Uterus :D
 * 0:15:56: Chris dumping his God-Given Dream of making Kacey into a Sweetheart and Having a Daughter named Crystal after the Lustrious Metal. Fuck you so much Chris. 3 sips, 2 for stock phrase and 1 for rage. ¬¬
 * 0:16:24: Matt just said "Crystal" sounded like a stripper name :D
 * 0:16:37: Chris just said "Crystahl" and "Crystoal" were different names. Fuck you Chris. May 1 sip of clear yellow medicine dull the pain! *facepalm*
 * 0:16:53: Matt: "Dreams don't pay the bills". Matt just won one pickle! :D (this just reminds me, I need to buy tarragon pickles, srsly, before Chris I used to be indifferent to the sour vegetable and now I can't stop eating it O_o)
 * 0:17:20: So Chris thinks dreams are prophetic by default, huh? Fuck you Chris. Dreams, in my experience, are the way how the brain recaps what has been experienced and sometimes a way the mind makes up for what it lacks. Oh wait... come to think about it, since you lack SOOOOOOOOO fucking much a Sweetheart, this is why you constantly dream of that shit. Sip for pissing me off. 3 glasses down, and it's just 17 minutes D:
 * 0:18:00: While Chris was rattling bullshit all I was hearing was "DURRRR DUHHHH DERP DERPA DERPA DURRRR". I guess my brain has adapted to Chris by just shutting off :S
 * 0:18:17: Matt's advice: STOP TALKING, START DOING. :D (yes, I watched IBM ads yesterday, I like them because they're really funny, especially the one about Buzzword Bingo :D)
 * 0:18:20: AHM WORKIN ON IT. FUCK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH CHRIS!!! Being smug + Pissing me off + U.S.I. + Stock phrase == 5 sips of sacred fermented drink to ease the pain!
 * 0:18:34: Lol, powers of prophecy :D
 * 0:18:55: Chris rattling about GodJesus. Pissed me off. Sip.
 * 0:19:43: God fucking fuck, Chris seriously believes that dreams are prophecies... I should be pissed off, but this Leffe has been doing a great job at numbing my mind... ahhhhhhhh, this is so peaceful ^^
 * 0:19:50: Did Chris had to say shit about insulting Matt?...
 * 0:19:52: "In retrospect". Chris using big words to look more adult. 1 sip for pissing me off + 1 sip for being smug, 3.5 glasses down, and 1 bottle of Leffe down motherfuckers! Time to pull the cork off a bottle of La Goudale, original wheat-barley beer brewed in France near the Belgian border, from the English phrase "good ale". Tell you what, since when have you seen beers that not only are damn fucking fine but also have tradition and even history? :D
 * 0:20:52: CHRIS HAD THIS DREAM ABOUT CRYSTAL WHEN HE WAS 7. Read: when he stopped growing up. Damn... I thought those who came from my high school were famous for "living in the past" because we loved our high school so much we still cling to it (and I still do at my 22 years, and honestly, even the mayor of the Guadalajara municipality does and he's in his fourties)... BUT THIS... fucking fuck, down goes 1 sip of Goudale. ¬¬
 * 0:20:59: "20 years ago, excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?" Matt, sorry to burst your bubble, but the answer is: NO. Chris hasn't grown up since. D:
 * 0:21:47: Chris lives with his parents. What does he does? He likes to draw and color. I know where this goes but this is gonna need more than just one sip. +1
 * 0:22:03: Chris is technologically smart. YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. I can tell he's going to say he is because he has the PStriple. If you're technologically smart, you can learn how to compile Linux with just the official manuals. Fuck, I would never wish upon anyone the evil of forcing them to eat casu marzu, but Chris has just deserved it. Srsly, google it, you're gonna throw up.
 * 0:22:11: CHRIS HAS BUILT A PERSONAL COMPUTER FROM SCRATCH!? NO, YOU DON'T, YOU FUCKING LIAR PIECE OF SHIT!!! I have built MY own computer FROM! SCRATCH! And trust me, it's a task YOU! WILL! NEVER! DO!!! Because people like you are doomed to buy brand-name computers ONLY! FUCK YOU SO MUCH CHRIS!!!! Smugness + Shilling yourself + Making me NUCLEAR RAGE = 4 SIPS. D:<===@
 * 0:22:55: Chris reciting the record he learned about The Lumberjack. +1 and going to take a piss.
 * 0:23:10: Lol, passing this shit about "technological influence". Flash news: my dad was also a technological influence for me and it was because of him that I decided I want to be a scientist when I grow up. +1 for UST.
 * 0:23:25: Matt being fucking awesome. When he was 27 he already had a wife and kids and he already worked 40 hours a week being ten thousand times more awesome than Chris :D
 * 0:23:52: It's me, or it just hit me: Chris is like those kids who think daddy's achievements are their achievements. As in, those who say they're very awesome because daddy owns a bakery or some shit like that. +1 for shilling himself.
 * 0:24:00: "I Understand what You're Talking about, and Your Point"... this shit sounded ripped off from a Sonichu comic or from his botched prose. +2 for stock phrase blurting.
 * 0:24:30: Wow. Matt had to MOVE ON because Chris's fail was just unbearable without having to resort to large amounts of booze O_o
 * 0:24:37: "What was the first thing you noticed about Kacey?"... Prepare for manchild bullshit in 3... 2... 1...
 * 0:24:41: "Her beautiful face"... alright, sounds kinda fine, except that CHRIS CANNOT RECOGNIZE THE HUMAN FACE OR FIGURE. Going bad... going bad...
 * 0:24:48: HEY KACEY, YOUR EYES ARE NOT HAZEL ANYMORE, THEY'RE NOW GREEN-BLUE. How 'bout that? I, who am very sensitive to any eye color that's different from black or hazel because that's the color you see in Mexico all the time, would like to fucking digress. ¬¬
 * 0:25:00: Motherfuck fuck, the irony in Matt's statements has just gone UP TO 9001! :D
 * 0:25:28: Chris thinks people being smarter than him on some things is fucking awesome like it was a ground-shattering truth. +1 for smugness, +1 for shilling himself, +1 for bitching about life (because noone is smarter than his IQ of 300, amirite?), and 4.5 glasses down!
 * 0:25:37: Normally I'd digress here, because, well, appearance is always the first thing you notice about someone, but since this is Matt here and Matt is supposed to be conservative I'll fully endorse that. :trollface:
 * 0:25:42: Ah, so I see, Matt is grilling Chris over trying to get a trophy wife. Oh, like so many drug lords from Sinaloa who marry the hottest girls they can find, to the point that quite a few girls in Sinaloa are groomed to be trophy wives because this means millions of pesos from a drug lord O_o
 * 0:26:00: Lol, Chris trying to save face before the fact that, to him, girls are no more than tits, ass and china :D
 * 0:26:25: Well, I would actually believe this bullshit, you know... china came to Chris, he fell flat for it, she posted a fake pic, Chris fell for it... tell yew wut, Chris is 100% logical if you apply his botched logic :D
 * 0:26:50: OH MY FUCKING GOD MATT IS GRILLING CHRIS OVER KACEY'S FIRST DATE WITH CHRIS! PURE FUCKING GOLD! :D
 * 0:26:58: Nevermind, it was Kacey's talk with Ian pretending to be Chris. IMPOSTOR CHRIS BROUGHT INTO CONVERSATION. Incoming tard rage in 3... 2... 1...
 * 0:27:35: Matt talked to Liquid and found that Liquid si a pretty cool guy, eh is teh real chrs and doesn't afraid of anythign. FUCK YEAH GRILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!! :D
 * 0:28:06: FUCK YOU IAN. We all know you kidnapped Chris, raped him in the ass, and left him in the desert with a bleeding anus. (BTW, he didn't raged for now... gotta pressure him more, Matt...)
 * 0:28:38: The white whale is about to rattle about Sonijew! The Pequod has been yearning for capturing the white whale. Now she will see some action! MAN THE HARPOONS! ARRRRRRRR!!!
 * 0:28:50: I think I'll take two sips for every 20 seconds of stock phrase Chris blurts out from this moment, starting from now. +2.
 * 0:29:10: More Sonichu and Rosechu... +2
 * 0:29:20: Matt cutting off Chris because he doesn't knows what Sonic the Hedgehog is. I guess that's the reaction Chris gets from most people who hear about Sonichu. Lessee how this goes into Chris's mind, having to explain what that means...
 * 0:29:30: Sonichu is two kids things put together. Matt, you're a real fucking bro! :bro-hug:
 * 0:29:34: COPYRIGHT. FUCK YEAH MATT!
 * 0:30:00: THIRTY MINUTES MILESTONE, BITCHES. At this moment, Chris is saying how he got The Lumberjack to do all the copyright paperwork for Chris, I guess under some sort of legal power that allows him to do shit for him on account of Chris being mentally handicapped.
 * 0:30:12: Ohhhhhh Chris, still holding so dearly to your CWCipedia...
 * 0:30:46: FUCK FUCKING YEAH MATT JUST CALLED CHRIS A MANCHILD! :D UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH RUBBED IN YOUR FUCKING FACE CHRIS!!!
 * 0:30:58: Chris trying his hardest to justify his childish like for Sonick da Hedjhawg. Fuck you Chris. +1 for making me facepalm.
 * 0:31:41: "Thing I'm working on"... i.e. AHM WOARKIN ON EHT! As established before, this fucking phrase is worth 5 sips. +5
 * 0:32:17: Ahhhhhhhhhh... great Babylonian elixir of fermented barley with hops, I love you so much! Thanks to you... I'm happily cruising through Chris's bullshit, with my mind off and everything so tanquil and peaceful...
 * 0:32:29: its me or Chris is incapable of wrapping his head around people who dont know "what a Sega is", like he didn't had no idea of why people don't know stuff... oh my fucking god I'm starting to write like Fuckinstupid drunk onn marhulavica :D
 * 0:32:40: THE TROLLS ARE BROUGHT IN. Chris bitching about life. +1 and 5 glasses down!
 * 0:33:23: "Yeah, I understand that [the Internet drama won't help support Kacey]"... FUCK YOU CHRIS. FOR BEING SMUG. Gotta drown his bullshit in more liquid bread... +1! (a tasty mouthful of foam from a true Goudale! :d)
 * 0:33:29: MATT FOUGHT IN DESERT STORM. dont have much of a good poinion of it aftger seeing Jarhead 'cuz it seemed quite a boring war (unlike WW2, it was the shit!), but FIGHTING IN A WAR IS WHAT COUNTS. Because not everyone is level-headed enough to go to war and return sane! Matt, pleeze, let me love ya <333
 * 0:33:48: "And then... you made this 'Ssssssssonicccccchhhhhhuuuuuuu' thing". AWESOME.
 * 0:34:13: 9/11 JOKE BROUGHT UP. Brace for verbal war in 3... 2... 1...
 * 0:34:39: Kacey... I know you really had family who died in 9/11, so I'm paying utmost respect to this...
 * 0:34:51: notice how Chris only said "sorry to hear that" over the death of Kacey's family in 9/11. Fuck you so much Chris. Fuck you so much. +1
 * 0:34:55: lol Chris felt emotiuon, like he had any emotions other than FEELS GOOD MAN and FEELS ABD MAN.
 * 0:35:05: CLYDE CASH BROUGHT UP. In front of Kacey's father. Clyde Cash is a REAL MAN OF HONOR. Unlike YOU! Fuck you so much Chris, Fuck you so much1 Fuck you! Fuck your fucking entire fucking family fucking tyreee!!! +1 for bitching about life, +1 for rage!
 * 0:35:35: FUCK YOU SO MUCH CHRIS!!! YOU JUST COMPARED YOUR WORTHLESS LITTLE LIFE TO 9/11!!! IS THAT THE EXTENT OF YOUTR TRAGEDY!? IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SO FUCKING STRESDSSED!? NOW I FUCKING SEE!!! YOU'RE A LITTLE FUCKING DI`PSDJHIT WHO CAN'T TAKE A SINGLE OUNCE OF CRITICISIM WITHOUT THINKING NTI COMES FROM A SLANDEROUS TROLL!!!!"! YOU FUCKING SUCK, IAN BRANDON ANDERSON, YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING HOJMO FAGGOT! YOU SUCK! YOU'RE A FAGGOT! FUCK YOU SO FUCKING FUCKING MUCFH, IAN BRANDON ANDERSON!!!!!!! AND LOOK AT ALL THIS UNWARREANTED SELFIMPORTANCE!!! CHRIS, YOU DEFINITELY STILL THINK YOUR TRAGEDY IS OH THE GREATEST TREAGEDY THAT HAS EVER SEEN THE WORLD!!! GREATER THAN THE SADDEST, MOST TRAGIC TRAGEDIES OF AESCHYLUS, EURIPIDES AND SOPHOCLES!!!!! AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! D:<============@!!!!! +1 for being smug, +1 for bitching about life, +2 for nuclear rage!!!
 * 0:35:40: "Deze gosh darn darn durn durn durn durn durn derp derp derp trolls Trying to DESTROY My good Name!!!".d Chris, you fucking suckm you deserve every single alst second of trolling in the world D:<
 * 0:36:20: Matt just akseed whaere Chris was on 9/11... THE PEQUOD IS YEARNING FOR ACTION, ME HEARTIES. SHE IS GOING TO BE PUT THROUGHT THE TEST OF COMBAT. MAN THE HARPOONS!!!
 * 0:36:26: CHRIS! DOES! NOT! REMEMBERS! WHERE! HE! WAS! ON! SEPTEMBER! 11!!! I remember perfectly like it was yesterday that I was in middle school and all of a sudden the radio and TV was buzzing all over the place with reports of the World Trade Center being hit by an airplane and then it collapsed!!! And we were so scared the teachers started giving away disciplinary reports like mad just to keep us under control and one guy was b& from school! And when I saw that USA was going to invade Afghanistan in retaliation I fucking cheered!!! AND CHRIS DOES NOT REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS DOING ON 9/11. PROBABLY JERKING OFF TO EDUCATIONAL PORN JUST TO ACTIVAT WHAT LITTLE MALE HORMONES HE HAS ON HIS FUCKING BUDY AND STROKING HIS LOCH NESS DUCK"!!!!! +1 for shilling himself cuz he says it with so much smugness, +1 for being smug, +1 for rage, +1 for bitching about life cuz i sayso, +2 for nucular rage, and 6 glasses down motherfucker!
 * 0:36:27: drinking game sospendod until further notice cuz im areaady do fucking shitfaceed. this shit is just enuff to cruise by chris's cHRISTASTROPHE without even bothering with what he said and just dismissing it as manchild far without regard to logic :D
 * 0:36:44: Chris was at Wendy's at 9/11 and now he cites "emotional differences" with his employer... maybe the final excuse they were looking for was his reaction to 9/11, perhaps?... (lol I don't fucking know how the fuck I did to wreite this shit correctly :D tell yew wut, for me to fucking stop giving a shit about grammar and spelling I really must be fucking shitafac ed :D)
 * 0:37:10: NOW IT TURNS OUT HE WAS SHOPPING WITH SNORLAS THAT DAY. FUCK YOU SO MUCH CHRIS. HERE'S HOW TO--- no, wait, Nuke, concentrate, get your act together, you're supposed to fucking explode, not act like a pitchman! I know, I'll think about that Facebook app someone did with funny phrases about me that is actually hilarious because I do remember like saying or writing all these phrases at one moment :D ololol I just heard an RER D train passing :D
 * 0:37:25: Oh fuck, I just remembered a time when I was grilled by mommy and daddy for making up a botched lie D: because it was just so fucking contradictory I ended up being interrogated and on the verge of getting my beloved Sunfire grounded D: and... THIS MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT JUST GOES AROUND FRABRICATING LIES LIKE THEY WERE TAKEN FOR TRUTH. Fucking fuck, he's like those little kiddies who just learned how to lie and say "I DIDNT EATED DA CHOCOLATE CAKE" with their mouth like full of chocolate... :facepalm: +1 sip, +1 sip for bitching about life ¬¬ if you're going to lie be like me, I swear I have Xanatosed my dads just to get away from getting my ride grounded D:
 * 0:37:32: "ARE YOU JUST MAKING SHIT UP, MAN!?". MATT, BE MY HUSBAND, I'M GHEY FOR YA, EVEN THOUGH THE DAMN SLANDEROUS US MARINES WON'T LET YA!!!
 * 0:37:35: "i'M Not Changing Stories"... YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 'Cuz you told us the same story both times!!! +1 for making me rage, +1 for bitching about life, +1 for berating Matt.
 * 0:37:56: Chris, fired for emotional differences with jhis employer. THAT GHEY OR MORE FAGOTS!? :D
 * 0:38:04: Matt: "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF BULL-SHIEEEEETTTT". *dancing awesome*
 * 0:38:10: Matt: "That sounds a little gay"... LOL CHRIS IS TEH GHEY :D
 * 0:38:50: OH MY FUCKING GOD CHRIS IS SPEECHLESS! What kind of bullshit he will make up!? GO, MATT, AND TROLL TO THE EXTREME! :trollface:
 * 0:39:31: Chris: "GOSH GOSH GOSH DANG DANG DANG DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DURN DERP DERP DERP DERP"; Matt: "And you want to date my daughter? You want to have a single ounce of respect from her!? Respect from me!?"
 * 0:39:35: Chris: "I Grew-Up a LOT Since Then!". Fuck you Chris, you have shilled yourself, you made me rage, you berated Matt, and this is a stock phrase. 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 == 5. Five sips of Goudale down once moar bitches!
 * 0:40:00: Chris: "I am A Grown-Up, Sir!"... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 'Cuz playing Pokémon at your age and drawing like you draw and even thinking like you think is OH SO VERY FUCKIN ADULT. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. [kyonsarcasm]I believe you're even wiser than the Dalai Lama and Siddharta Gautama themselves.[/kyonsarcasm] (BTW, I know a nepalese guy called Siddharta, first foreign name I learned in the first try along with Wissem, Hadi and Ahmed :D)
 * 0:40:06: YEAH. You have moved on from Pokémon years ago. I'm almost about to finish this beer so there goes one more sip for the win!
 * 0:41:03: LOL CHRIS HAS JUST SHILLED HIS ADULT LIFE BECAUSE HE'S OH SO VERY OVERWHELMED BY THE STRESSES OF ADULT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! Look atht aht! Chris, fuck you, you'll never be a big boy, not even if by some negative space dick pull you somehnow manage to get laid. NE-VAR. UNDERSTAND? NEVAR!
 * 0:41:40: FUCK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH CHRIS FOR DISRESPECTING A WAR VETERAN FUCK YOU FO FOCUKING MUCH TUFKCCKC YOU CHRIS FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FKCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU CHRIS YOU FUCKING IAN BRANDON ANDERSON PIECE OF FAGGOT SHIT HOMOSEXUAL YOU ARE A FUC KING HOMO BISATCH YOU ARE NOT THE FUCKING TRUEW AND HONEST CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDELERERE YOUI ARE A FUCKING OMPOSTOR YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK IAN BRANDON ANCDERSON YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU HAVE NEVER ACRRRIED THE CORPSE OF YOUR BEST FRIEND AND YOU WOULD NEVER GIVE A SHIT ANHYWAY LIKE YOU ENVER GAVE AH SHIT ABOUT PATTY BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ANY TEELINGS OTHER THAN FEELS GOOD MAN AND FEELS BAD MAN FUCK YOU IAN FUCK YOU WITH A HALBERD UNTIL ALL YOUR INNARDS BECOME RED JELLO AND THEN FUCK YOURSELF EVEN MORE UNTIL YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING INNARDS ARE SPILLED ALL OVER ÉVRY'S CENTRAL AGORA AND YOU BECOME SO DILUTED INTO THE TARMAC YOU JUST BECOME NOTHING BUT ROLLING GROUND FOR THE TICE 402 BUS AND YOU'RE GONNA BE RECYCLED FOR ENERGY WHICH WILL NOT BE USED TO POWER THE MÉTRO 14 BECAUSE EVEN THE MÉTRO 14 IS BETTER THAN YOU CHRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ps: 2 beers down, out of booze, let's do this shit while still buzzed up by the booze :D)
 * 0:42:46: Chris shilling himself aain... GOD, WHERE IS THE SACRED BROWN MEDICINE!? D: Especially the part of "I am Loyal, I Am Honest, I am Strong and Fit-as-a-Fiddle"... *facepalm*
 * 0:43:50: Because playing the TRUE and HONEST Pokeymen is not enuff... CHRIS ALSO DOES PHYSICAL ACTIVITY WITH GUITAR HERO!!! BY STANDING UP, HE'S DOING EXERCISE FOR HIS SWEETHEART KACEY, BECAUSE STANDING UP IS SO INCREDIBLY HARD!!! LET ALONE DOING 50 BOTCHED PUSH-UPS OR LIFTING 50 TIMES TWO BOXES OF 4 KILOGRAMS OF JUICE!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO FUCKING CUMNM;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *facepalm*
 * 0:44:25: "Pull weeds!? MY GRANDMA USED TO PULL WEEDS!!!". Matt is doing some drill sergeant shit here! :D "MY GRANDMA HAD ARTHRITIS AND SHE PULLED WEEDS EVERY DAY, AND YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF GRABASTIC PIECES OF COMBOBULATED BATRACIAN SHIT!!!". *dancing awesome*
 * 0:44:49: "I am Very Strong, Sir, and I Tell you, It was Very Hard and Torturing-Work under The Hot-Sun in VERY Hot-Days!". YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Sure. Yeah. :roll:
 * 0:46:14: "I have Spent Lots of Hard Sweat in placing these Pieces of Lumber in My Dad's Garden, and they were SO VERY HEAVY! I was Feeling So Queasy and Hot and Wanted to Throw-Up!"... Chris, fuck you so muchb for comparing this ridiculously trivial, everyday bullshit to what a war veteran lives. No wonder why Vivian hates you so much. And fuck you as well for berating her... although you gave us the lulzy phrase "NOW NOW NOW NOW!". ¬¬
 * 0:46:45: "That wasn't push-ups... that was more like flopping around like a fish!". Chris: -44 - 20 Matt :D
 * 0:46:57: "I Even Mowed the LAWN!". Yeah, Chris whatever. :roll:
 * 0:47:20: "You know, I see seven-year-old who mow lawns all day for a summer job..." One moar point for Matt :D
 * 0:47:40: "And I was Not Paid for MOWING the Lawn!"... what about that fucking tugboat? oh yeah, I forgot, 'tis just your "monthly gummint allowance". :facepalm:
 * 0:49:21: # FUCK YOU SO MUCH CHRIS FOR THINKING PATTI'S DEATH IS EQUIVALENT TO THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WHO SUFFERED ON 9/11!!!!! GOOD LUCK SEEING IF YOU STILL HAVE SOME WHITE KNIGHTS LEFT TO DEFEND YA, IAN BRANDON FAGGOT ANDERSON!!!
 * 0:50:05: "My Dog-House was HEAVIER than Any Tombstone!"... basically, what other people posted in the thread about the vidya. Fuck you, Ian Brandon Anderson. Fuck you so much. Fuck you with any elongated object you come across until your innards have been reduced to a degree that can be considered acceptable to make up for how you berated 9/11's victims. ¬¬
 * 0:50:26: Worst part? "I am Being Honest with My Sound Mind and my Sound-Heart". :facepalm:
 * 0:51:16: "That House had to weigh Over One-Hundred Pounds!"... well, on one hand, a big dog house by experience is somewhere around the 10-15 kg, i.e. 22-33 lb, and second, if I thought I was a fucking milquetoast because I have some troubles lifting that weight, I just can't imagine how Chris is, considering literally the only muscles he moves are the ones that move his fingers, not even the muscles most people use to emote D:
 * 0:52:06: Chris BAWWWWWs about Sweethearts being internet trolls... and is cut off like this:
 * 0:52:06: Matt: "Who gives a shit about the internets?"
 * 0:52:18: "Those two Womyn Died! I was Very Heartbroken by That!"... yeah, because you weren't actually heartbroken, this is just being left blue-balled. ¬¬
 * 0:52:44: "How many of these fake womyn have you gone through?"... LOL IAN IS A HOMO :D
 * 0:53:55: "I was Born NAÏVE and I was Naïve at The Moment!, this is why I Fell to the Impostorous Troll!"... FUCKINF CUK MOTHERFUCK FUCK, WHY AM I OUT OF BEER!? SWEET GOLDEN MEDICINE, PLEASE EASE THE PAIN!!!
 * 0:54:37: "I am Not A Child; I am A MAN!". YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
 * 0:54:41: And on top of being a MAN, he's STRONG. This fucking milquetoast is STRONG, motherfuckers!
 * 0:54:45: Now he compared his Physical- and Emotional-Trauma to his Life to Matt's life. Matt rage in 3... 2... 1...
 * 0:55:15: "I! AM! NOT! LAZY!"... Guise, the pot just called herself shiny silvery white and said the kettle was a fucking nigger piece of shit. *facepalm*
 * 0:56:00: Guise, srsly, give a fucking exercise plan to Ian. His incredible physical weakness, lo and behold, is now such a source of unwarranted self-importance. What is a small effort to a normal human, to Ian it's such an insurmountable chore he feels like the King of the World when he finally conquers it. Because it must be hard and tough to make it, so this means Ian is strong! *facepalm*
 * 0:56:24: So, he puts his stuff wherever his mom tells him where to put it, and this means Snorlax has been the entire source of the squalor that is killing Chris's house?...
 * 0:57:45: OK, Chris started berating back and I'm all out of booze... WHY, CHRIST, WHY!? DDD: Next time I swear I'll buy flavored vodka! I fucking swear!
 * 0:58:21: LOL KACEY IS GOING TO LISTEN TO IAN'S BULLSHIT! :D
 * 0:59:47: Oh, how chronological age can be a source of U.S.I., guise... Chris, being a child, but calling himself an adult, because he's chronologically 27 even though he's mentally 7. :facepalm:
 * 1:00:30: Kacey just joined the joint berating of Chris. Oh fucking fuck fuck, this is gonna be so awesome... I just can't wait for listening to the second part of this. Srsly, I can fucking certify this is better than when I was watching Ghost in the Shell yesterday. Kacey, Matt, I stand up, and tell you: Godspeed, guys. Godspeed, for all that you have accomplished. And may all the Gods of all the Religions be with you, my friends. May all the Gods be with you. You are real men of honor, and you will always survive the Test of Time!