Mailbag 25

Mailbag 25 was posted to the CWCipedia on 28 December 2009 by the CWCipedia's Sysop. It was answered on the 29th.

Chris explained that when he calls himself "high-functioning," he really just means that he's high-functioning when compared to people who are severely mentally handicapped. Chris also revealed that he spends two to three hours per day just playing with toys. (So much for "high-functioning.") Perhaps more shocking was Chris's solution to infidelity, which involves having sex with members of your significant other's family. (Unsurprisingly, he most likely got this idea from of Family Guy.) Other highlights included confirmation that Chris lies to his parents, his explosive reaction to a transgender woman (whom he incorrectly identified as a hermaphrodite), and an as-of-yet unexplained disapproval of giving birth via Caesarean section.

In which Chris copy-pastes stuff he does not understand
From: Hamsty the Hamster  Yo, what up it's your best friend fo' lyfe! Just wonderin' if you can help me with Hamster HTML 101 cuz ur so great with that shit. It ain't cheating!

1. What is bandwidth? 2. What is HTML?

Well that's all I need help with! CHILLIN'!@undefined

This is perhaps the worst advice Chris has ever given
From: eddie V thunderpuncher@yahoo.com Dear Chris, I just caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now, I've heard that you're supposed to stay with your first girlfriend because no one else will take her place, but I'm in a bit of a dilemma. What would you do, Christian, if your true and honest sweetheart ever went after another man behind your back?

Sincerely, eddie.@undefined

In which Chris admits he lied to Bob
From: Jeffrey Archer  Dear Chris,

As a loyal Sonichu fan I remember that not too long ago you commanded all copies of your house tour for Ivy be removed from the internet. Well, I took down the version I put up right away but when I did a search I was horrified that even more copies were put up.

Then I saw the video of your Dad yelling at you. How was this resolved? Did you lie to him and tell him that all copies were taken off the internet?

Your fan, Jeffrey@undefined

In which Chris tells someone to give random women sex toys
From: iluvlittlegirls@hotmail.com Dear Chris,

I recently turned 18, and am interested in buying some pornography DVDs. However, I know very little about the genre. Which porn movies are your favorite? I am interested in both hard- and soft-core movies.

Sincerely,@undefined

High-functioning babble
From: sentientmachine11@gmail.com Hello there Chris

I have noticed that you claim to be a high-functioning autistic male. What exactly does "high-functioning autistic" mean? You say it a lot but never really give a clear definition. I could look it up on Wikipedia but I would rather go right to the source which would be you. People on Wikipedia tend to vandalize articles with misinformation.

So yeah, please elaborate on that. I'm rather confused.

Have a nice day.

-John Matrix@undefined

It's a trap, again!
From: ""  Hey Chris!! Thank you for your reply! And thank you for calling me cute :3 you're a pretty handsome guy yourself, but you know that already ;)

I think my biggest problem with boys is that like you I am also e-famous, and people are afraid to approach me because they are intimidated by that! I have been online modelling for a while now, and so I think boys get nervous around me... lol :(

Do you have that problem too? Do you think that girls don't approach you because they are intimidated by how famous you are?

Anyways, if you're interested, here are some of my pics ;)

They range from cute...

i50.tinypic.com/2gtp2l4.jpg

to downright NAUGHTY :D

bayimg.com/image/najnjaacd.jpg

hope you enjoy!!

-XOXOoxOXOXOXOoxOXOxooXXO

BJ@undefined

Chris disapproves of c-sections for some reason
From: meshellbel@aol.com

Dear Chris--

Hello and good day! My name is Diana and I've read Sonichu over the past year and can honestly say it's the best comic I've EVER read. My husband and I read it together every night (Thank you SO much for your daily pages! The suspense kills me!) To be honest, your comic pages of Rosechu and Sonichu..."together" gave my husband and I "inspiration" for our own "together time"

Anyway, after two years of marriage my husband and I have finally conceived our first child and I'd like to thank you for your comic pages, I can't help but feel you helped this to come about. I'm due in March and I'll be finding out the gender of the baby soon.

Now to my questions. My husband and I are not close with our respectful families and I have no one to ask about bringing up a child, my friends don't have children yet. So I value your opinions on the following, to supplement my research:

1. Should I "spoil" my child? Is there anything wrong with getting them the things they want? It's not easy being a kid...

2. What should I feed my child? My husband and I run our own business, so we aren't home often. I'll require a baby sitter, so I don't want them burning up the kitchen

3. How much television should I allow my child to watch?

4. My husband and I don't make much money, we can barely support ourselves, so how can I save money on things the baby needs?

And well...this doesn't pertain to the baby's upbringing but...

5. Can I still have sex while I'm pregnant? What are possible consequences if I do?

6. Should I get a c-section or have a natural birth?

7. Should I breastfeed?

Any further input you can offer would be much appreciated. Thank you for your hardwork on the comic pages, keep on zappin' !

Love, Diana@undefined

Chris on the nature of sin
From: Team CWCket  Hey Chris, it's the girls from Team CWCket again! Sorry about the new e-mail - it turns out that football hooligans from over here in the UK hacked yourcricketteam.co.uk and sabotaged most of the mailboxes. If you tried to send us anything, you should use the new address.

Bit of a serious note this one - we were watching your video about Jack and Clyde after practice today, and you mentioned having a gal-pal who is a lesbian. As you can imagine, on an all-girl sports team sometimes there's... tensions and issues surrounding that particular subject, so I was wondering whether you had any insight you could offer us about it.

- How did you find out your friend was gay? - How did you react? - You seem very accepting of her lifestyle, and it sounds like you're more comfortable around her than you would be around male homosexuals. Why is that? - Do you think women should avoid lesbians in the same way you tend to keep a distance from male homosexuals, or should they get to know each other? - Are lesbians morally "better" than male homos? I know you are much more angry about the sort of acts male homosexuals perform.

Sorry that this one was a bit heavy, but it's caused a bit of debate on the team, so I thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Keep a happy thought!

All your gal-pals on Team CWCket.@undefined

Balding issues
From: Mark Green  I'm in my twenties and have started going bald. I noticed you are balding too, and much more rapidly than I am. Do you have any advice on what I should do? I know a lot of guys, when they start losing their hair, shave it all off, but you've embraced your thining hairline. How did you do that? How did you come to accept your hair loss and the shame attached to it? I'll appreciate any help you can offer me as a man who is also suffering through baldness.@undefined

In which Chris tells us how many hours he plays with toys a day
From: Doug Bunny  How often do you play with toys (how many hours, per day, would you say you spend, on average, playing with toys)?@undefined

Chris on mindless materialism
From: naturalelection@aol.com What do you want for your 28th birthday? Do you know if your friends are planning to do anything special for you?@undefined

Magi-Chan is gay
From: flambai@hotmail.com

Hey CWC!

Thanks for answering my previous questions, but i have some more.

1) Why is it Magi-Chan and Blake didn't attend Dating Education?

2) If all of the Sonichus and Rosechus had a huge fight, who would win?

Please reply soon! Sarah Lutt@undefined

Chris's disgusting home
From: privatesnazz@aol.com

How can your kitchen be so filthy? I wouldn't eat anything that comes out of it, and you should be ashamed to put it up on the internet.@undefined

Straight guys don't drink their own semen
From: Seth Sethson 

Chris, only one of the images in New York was photoshopped. There were like five total. Do the math.

New York still knows that you drink your own semen, and thus they all think that you're gay.

Also, there was an image of your mother put up. How's she reacting?@undefined