Mailbag 44

Mailbag 44 was uploaded onto the CWCipedia on 20 and 21 January 2010 and was answered around 6:00 a.m. on 22 January.

Of the 14 letters presented, Chris deleted six. The remaining eight actually got longer replies than usual, but they were clearly typed in anger and as a result are almost incoherent. His crazed rant against Vivian Gee's beloved spokeshamster is the best example of this. Other highlights include telling Asperpedia admin Mao to suck his balls, defending his increasingly depraved actions in Sonichu 10, and several unsubtle attacks on the latter-day episodes of 12 Oz. Mouse and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Then there's his response to Evan, which basically stated that Simonla should be his because he wanted a ground-type Rosechu anyway.

If you think Sonichu is bad, you must be retarded
From: Hamsty the Hamster  Hypocrite is not an adjective. Seriously, couldn't you even do basic research before making yourself look like a total idiot?

hypocrite –noun 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. 2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

I mean, are you humoring me? I mean, I link you to an interesting article on autism about how autism manifests itself more violently as adults, and you obviously ignore it.

I tell you to go after people who wrong you (Gay4Sonichu) but you haven't done anything about that but you'll go after Alec.

I tell you to stop losing fans for a reason. Because you're losing fans. Look at that poll. It was posted on YOUR site, not the Asperpedia. Wouldn't you think a majority would vote for Sonichu unless YOU WERE LOSING FANS? THINK ABOUT IT!!

Finally, I tell you to make more pages. You have currently missed at least 14 days of uploading comics. That's a terrible track record.

You've had Sonichu for 10 years and you haven't gotten anywhere. Maybe you should try harder.@undefined

No burglar would steal Chris's stuff
From: 

Hi Chris!

I'll bet your collection of toys and video games are worth a lot of money. Just out of curiosity, does your house have a burglar alarm or other security measures? What's the average police response time in Ruckersville? If a professional burglar were to burgle your house, what do you think would be his odds of getting away with it?

Thanks!

- Max@undefined

Business proposal
From: Mao Ling 

Would you like to join the Asperpedia? I'm sure we could use your minor fanbase as a profit booster of like 5%. I guess. Or something.@undefined

Clearly it's not working
From: frommouse@myself.com

By my calculations, you have lost anywhere from 75 to 90% of your fanbase in about a month's time. Why do you think this is, and how do you plan to solve this problem?@undefined

On the defensive
From: Sheldon Lee 

Dear Chris,

Just a few questions:

1) You are a Christian, correct? Well, how can YOU, a so-called CHRISTIAN, justify a GOD-LIKE figure BREAKING INTO SOMEBODY'S PLACE, and DESTROYING EVERY SINGLE THING?

2) How can YOU possibly call anybody in your comic a HERO if all they do is KILL, BREAK IN, and INVADE PRIVACY?

3) Who the fuck do YOU think you are to say what somebody CAN and CAN'T do in PARODIES?

4) How can YOU justify CENSORSHIP when you ALWAYS claim that you are TRUE and HONEST? Do you have something to hide?

5) Who the fuck are YOU to tell people HOW to live, just because YOU don't like it?

Seriously Chris, if you fail to answer these questions, then you are not being TRUE and HONEST.

Signed,

Shelltoon@undefined

The great dictator director
From: Sean Watley  Hi Chris,

I'm killing off Simonla Rosechu in an upcoming Moon-Pals strip. She will be beaten over the head with a mace and shot into the sun. After her death, please remove Simonla from your comics to avoid confusing any readers.

Thanks,

Sean Watley@undefined

I want to see Simonla die so very badly
From: Evang7  First you steal Alec's Asperchu and MISINTERPRET HIM AS A HOMO with his "Extreme Electric Makeover", but NOW you've gone and taken Simonchu...

For the LAST TIME, I don't want your "Brother/Sister Plan". I want NONE of my characters in your comic, not TWO mockeries of my character. You're a sick, depraved troll.

I want Simonla dead as a doorknob. Remove Simonchu from the Haiti image and kill Simonla, or my lawyers will have to have a word with the Sysop. This is your last warning.

Secondly, it's pronounced "ee-cee-gee-ville".

Oh, and by the way, since I see you're stealing Simonchu now: you do realize that by putting him in the Haiti image, you've included the first bisexual character into Sonichu? That's right, Simonchu is BISEXUAL.

Do you really want a partially gay character in your comics? Or a character ripping off a partially gay character? I think this is more incentive than ever to kill Simonla.

-Evan@undefined

Because a video made years ago can show how you've lost weight now
From: Sanae Fujita 

Dear Chris,

Could you make a video wearing your Ash Ketchum costume? I'm sure you'll fit into it, what with you no longer being overweight.@undefined

Collossal Chan sucks so amazingly bad
From: From 

Chris, I have been reading the comic and, well, let me just tell you that "Collossal Chan" is not a very good idea. The design looks ridiculous, the powers are ridiculous, and the whole thing couldn't be any gayer.

However, this Mitch Sonichu character has some potential. I think you should focus more on him.

Love,

Trevor@undefined

The love quest continues
From: b2147928@uggsrock.com

Considering you're playing daft asshole, let me answer YOUR question with ANOTHER question. How come you're such a faggot?

You completely ignored the fucking question because you know that your shitty toys are worth more to you then the love any woman can ever provide. I don't horde thousands of toys from the late 80's in my room, Chris; because I'm actually an adult who gets sex. See how simple it is? No toys equals lots of sex.

Duhhh.@undefined

Echo
From:

Chris, you have to let it be and live in piece from now on. All your characters decided to move to my city of Eternityhausen and then killed themselves or became gay. I AM THE GREATEST DIRECTOR!@undefined

Fabulous
From: Hamsty the Hamster  And a followup.

Look Chris, the audience you're targeting can't even use the internet. So how are they supposed to find you? You lost all your older fans to the more mature Asperchu.

Also that makeover bullshit you pulled makes you look gay. Seriously, don't you know only gay men give makeovers? You seem to be aware of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy...so...just sayin'@undefined

Sonichu needs to die so much
From: spergin@googlewave.com

Hi Chris!

I saw that Wild, Punchy, and Angelica got killed off! Wow! Really brings the mortality of the Sonichus home, doesn't it? That's so daring, and it gives the characters such amazing pathos to work with, I'm really excited to see what'll happen next! For a long while there it didn't seem like you had a full grasp on the idea of using profound, deeply personal loss to further character development, but with this twist, my doubts are gone. Of course, like the rest of the fanbase, I'll be assuming that any appearances by Wild, Punchy, or Angelica in your comic from now on are grief-induced hallucinations.

I've heard some people saying that you might even be thinking of the hugest step yet... after all, characters need pathos, and what would give Asperchu the most pathos of all? I barely even want to say it, but killing his bestest joy-boy, Sonichu, would be so beautifully tortuous for Asperchu, it would transform the comic from entertainment to utter art. Are you thinking about this? I just want you to know that the fanbase is behind you all the way!

Kindest regards,

Spergin@undefined

On Rosechu's man-parts
From: 

"Well Excuse Me for MISDRAWING ONE DETAIL"

It's not one detail. Throughout the comic, even Rosechu herself has a male pointed tail. Not once have you ever drawn her with a blunt, female Raichu tail.

I'm judging by facts. What are you judging by?

You cannot say that "grass is blue" when it's obviously green. And you cannot say Rosechu is a female when she has a male appendage on her tail.

It's no wonder why the pictures of her "pickle" were drawn as a result. You were the one who started it.

Sincerely,

Randam Hajile@undefined