Mailbag 4

Uploaded to the CWCipedia on 25 November 2009, Mailbag 4 included letters from several Christians, a white knight, a girl with an obsession with plants and an apparent Satanist.

While originally slated to be answered on the 26th, Chris opted to wait until the 27th. As expected, Chris moved several letters to the Rejected Mailbag. Unexpectedly, he then answered some of the moved letters anyway. His responses continue to be very short, bordering on completely useless.

Highlights from this batch include Chris continuing to refuse that Aspergers is anything like high-functioning autism, stating outright that he is "close minded on the subject," discussing strap-ons with a young Christian girl, and giving a completely insane lesson on imaginary anatomy.

The case of the vanishing sweethearts
From: Fernando Guerrero  Hey my name is Izzy and I am a BIG BIG BIG FAN of your comics, and I would love to know more about the characters and cwcville area.

1) What happened to Sailor Magatune and Blanca? I really liked those characters, and I've noticed that they out of nowhere they just dissapeared, and I really liked those characters.

2) Have you ever tried making a few conflicts between Rosechu and Sonichu to create drama (and maybe attract more readers)

3) Could you maybe introduce a conflict that doesn't involve a villian (Maybe you can have some kind of mutant plant that slowly takes over the town and piercies the ground, destroys buildings, eats people, poisons the air with a gas that only affects sonichus and rosechus, and is eventually stopped by some new character)

4) And this is just a personal question, but do you like Italian food? Because I love Italian food.

Anyways if you read this it would be awesome if you reply to my e-mail :-)

Love, your biggest fan Izzy@undefined

Trent Larson: Junkie DA
From: Trent Larson  Chris,

Before I found out about Sonichu, I was living in my parent's basement at age 24 and spending all the disability money I got for my bipolar disorder on crystal meth. I'd spend up to 18 hours a day just playing Hentai games and chain smoking. But after learning about Sonichu and how you live, I got off the drugs and (against all odds) found a job as a paralegal. I'm currently sharing an apartment with my wonderful new girlfriend Courtney and attending law school, and have plans to work my way up to the level of assistant district attorney.

Thank you, Chris-chan!

Trent Larson@undefined

Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid
From: Sam Higgins  Hi Chrischan. My name is Sam, Im a Methodist, and Ive been reading Sonichu for some time now. I love your comic because it is very action packed but still relays good morals and values. Ive been a big fan of Sonic and Pikachu separately since I was a kid so its cool to see them all combined and grown up in a mature way. My favorite issue was the Spring Break comic. I am writing to you because I have a personal problem that I hope you can help me with. Sometimes I have impure thoughts. For instance, just the other day, I was walking home and I started thinking of mens butts. I didn't want to and am not a homosexual (IM STRAIGHT) but sometimes men's butts or worse enter my head. Sometimes I feel like Im all alone in this. Im too afraid to ask my friends or even my pastor or dad because I dont want them to think Im a bad person or a homosexual since I am a good, honest man who loves women (I get Hustler monthly) but I dont know what to do about these crazy, evil thoughts I sometimes get of pickles and ducks. Yuck! It doesnt help that some bullies call me a gay or homo sometimes. It makes me so mad but I dont know what to do. What do you suggest? Is there any way to stop this? Do you think Im alone with this problem? Have you ever experienced these problems?@undefined

Admission of plagiarism
From: Ryan Burton  Hey Chris I'm a long-time reader of your comics. My brother showed them to me and I've tried to keep up as much as I can. I can't believe you're just giving away comics out of the kindness and goodness of your soul. Anyways, I was wondering what kind of activities do you do to get the creative juices flowing? I'm a writer myself and I often find it difficult to think of things to write about. Can you help me?

Sincerely,@undefined

Creative writing
From: Alex May  1. Have you ever considered taking a creative writing courses?

2. What is your favorite Goosebumps story? Mine is the one where the guy turns into a bee.@undefined

Self-Help Books
From: Nate Hughes  Dear Christian, I am on my brother Nate's e-mail account (I don't have e-mail) but I just needed to tell you that I LOVE the Sonichu comics so I begged him to let me use it. I have a few questions. I'm aware that you are looking for a job, how's that coming? I'm not having an easy time finding a job because of the recession...are you? Also, do you have any pictures of you in your Wendy's uniform? If you do, can you please upload it? I find men in uniform to be SO sexy. Lastly, Nate tried to find "How To Talk To Girls" at Barnes & Noble, but it was sold out. Do you have any other suggestions on books for a girlfriend-free boy?

Thanks & Love, Jessica Hughes@undefined

Steroids are bad
From: Dick Loserman  Hello Chris,

Ivan again, Thanks for responding to Email. I will try to stand more and Play this "Guitar Hero" you reccomend. You did not answer question about bench press. "How much can you bench press?" This is important to my training so i know what to shoot for when in gym. Also, how do you feel about steroids? I have been using them but still cannot gain Chris levels of mass. I don't want the body of Greek God. I want body like Christian Weston Chandler, for none stronger.

Sincerely,

.@undefined

Controlling guns
From:  What's your opinion on gun control?

Your fan, hayrettin@undefined

Friend zone legislation
From: Cpt. Wyvern  Dear Mr. Chandler,

If you could change the law, just once, what would you change?

Regards, Wyvern@undefined

This was later changed to:

Ass-kissing and ass-kicking
From: - -  Hey Chris, greetings from across the pond. (That's the UK, incase you thought someone was actually on the opposite side of a pond!). I'm a big fan of your work and I've been really looking forwards to the next installment of Sonichu. To pass the time between comics I've been doing some drawings on my PC and one day I got inspiration (which I know is a Big Variable!) to draw Rosechu beating the crap out of a horrible, evil, smelly Jerkop. So I hope you enjoy! It took me a few hours to draw. So anyway, I'm not really that good at writing long e-mails so I'll just leave it at that. Thanks for all the comics so far! ~ Josh@undefined

Why no backgrounds
From: Steve Steve <2xevets@gmail.com> Hey Christian! I really like Sonichu, but there's one thing about it that kinda bugs me - the fact that there's no backgrounds on some of the pages. How is anybody supposed to know what's going on if the characters are just sort of standing in a white void all the time?@undefined

Chris the otaku
From: David F Smith  Do you have any plans to visit any American anime conventions in the coming year, like Animazement or Otakon or Anime Mid-Atlantic? It seems like that might be a good way to meet and interact with your fans in person. DFS.@undefined

Dissociative identity
From: distraction@mail.org Hey! I have some questions about you as a person, rather than my previous questions which were sonichu-related. 1. In a video around august, you seemed to have another personality, christopher. Have you been diagnosed with split personality disorder? You've seemed pretty healthy since, as if the split personality has been forgotten. Is he still there? has he been fixed? Some people were telling me it was a lie but I think they're just trolls. Still, they make me worry :( If it was a lie, come out and tell us, Chris! Your fans will forgive you, we know you're the warrior of truth and honesty :)

2.I found some documents that say you used to take anger management classes when you were in piedmont virginia community college. I have anger problems myself but can't afford the classes, can you tell me what the anger management classes were like and methods you use to de-stress?

Once again, thank you very much- I'm your biggest fan : D Garfunkel Head of the northern ireland-based sonichu fanclub@undefined

Chris the close-minded
From: Michael Parker  Hello Christian,

I just saw your response to my earlier email. Sadly, you are very mistaken about Asperger's and Autism. If you read the wiki (as you suggested others do), it would clear it up for you. They are both related to social interaction between people.

However, the nurses really enjoy your comic and seem to think you are a sweet, honest and good natured person. I thought you would like to know.

Sincerely,

Dr. Michael Parker@undefined

More hypocrisy
From: Eric McBride  Hey Chris,

I'm a 19 year old STRAIGHT male from California, and I'd first of all like to say I LOVE your comics. I always loved Sonic and Pikachu while growing up and seeing them combined as One into Sonichu is like a gift straight from God and Jesus himself. I do hope that your video games get made. Thank you Chris for creating such a great comic. I look forward to every update!!

But I have a Problem. One of my friends at school does not like God and Jesus and even said they weren't real! This caused me Stress and offended me. I also fear that he may be in fact going off the straight path. I need your help Chris, I need to help my friend.

Do you think showing him your comics would help?

Thanks,

Eric Aguirre@undefined

Hail Satan
{{Email|From: {w|Samael}}  Hello Chris,

I understand you consider your self to be a Christian. However, I feel that your beliefs are more suited to a diferent religion. Why not pick something that more accuratly suits your views on sex and desire? Something that allows you to fufil your urges, be they artistic, sexual, or revenge.

I was once a follower of your God, but after enduring years of their hypocritical, righteousness judgment, I saw the flaws in their beliefs and found something better. I shed the chains that held me back and became myself.

Look around and subscribe to something that lets you be you. Find a belief system that values the basic human needs of emotion, sex, vengeance, intelligence, and art.

I would be happy to share my beliefs with you, should you be dissatisfied with what your parents forced upon you. -Samael Morningstar}}

Why Chris hates pickles
From: Gourmet Pickle  Hello Chris. How's the creation of the Sonichu universe going? I have two questions that have been bothering me recently. 1. What's so bad about pickles? Personally, I love them. 2. This one is very serious. Is it really possible to catch gayness from a homo? I ask because my brother is a gay. We're really close and hang out a lot. I am a straight male such as your self, and I was hoping to get some insight on whether or not it's safe to hang out with my bro anymore. Have a great day and please respond.@undefined

In which Chris is rude to a young girl
From: grrrlpowaanow@aol.com i love your comic, chris. i am a 14 year old christian girl (raised devout baptist), and let me tell you, there is not enough christian literature out there, so i am glad you are making your comics. i do have some questions about them.

1. i really really LOVE your mailbag feature. do you plan to keep it up for a while? please say you will!

2. when will the sonichu game be released? i thought it was supposed to be out by now. i asked santa to get it for me for christmas but my dad said they didn't make that game

3. i noticed all the chaotic combo have parents. wild has a mom and a dad. bubbles had just a mom (or was swampert her dad?). punchy just had a dad. magi-chan just had a dad. angelica, however, has two mommies (two female nuns). as a christian woman, i am offended that angelica was raised in such an immoral household. a lot of chauvinistic pigs think lesbians are hot as in pretty, but god thinks they're hot as in theyre going to hell (as well as anyone who enjoys lesbian pornography or any pornography for that matter). i thought this was supposed to be a good christian comic! so why are there lesbians in it? and when will you remove these heathens from this comic?

4. the relationship between zapina and simonla seems unnatural. simonla acts as a bad, unchristian rolemodel in sonichu 9, where she basically encourages the (UNDERAGE) zapina to have pre-marital sex. pre-marital sex is wrong with the bible and wrong with god, chris. when will you fix this error?

5. whether theyre married or not, it is wrong for sonichu and rosechu to be having sex in the comics (or in any picture or photograph). the bible is very clear that intercourse is meant to be between a man and a woman, not a man, a woman, and an entire audience of readers, especially when those readers are potentially underage. ive even seen pictures of them where rosechu was a man and sonichu was a man and it is definitely against the bible for man and man to lay together. when will you remove these pornographies from the face of the internet? pornography is a SIN. god sends people to hell for it. your christian readership deserves nothing less than sonichu and rosechu to have a perfect spotlessly clean presence on the internet, and yet theyre being sullied by pictures drawn by you in your style of them engaging in sex.

6. the scene where rosechu press her bikini area against the mans face in the 4cent garbage building comic was disgusting, revolting, and a complete mockery to all women everywhere. i almost stopped reading the comic after that issue. when will you correct the ending to reflect a more christian, pro-female rights message?

thank you for reading my questions. sorry if there were a lot but i look forward to answers@undefined

Chris the sellout
From:  Chris, What happened to the Sonichu I used to love? Fame has changed you, man.

Sincerely, Sexy Joe Stalin (a fan of the REAL Sonichu)@undefined

Gabe Newell: white knight
From: <gaben1962@hotmail.co.uk>

Hello Christian, this is Gabe.

Some friends of mine showed me your 'Sonichu' creation during my second lunch break at work yesterday, and I felt it necesarry to inform you that despite what you may think, Sonichu is not an original character.

First, Sonichu is an amalgamation of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu, and nothing more. He is not original, nor can you copyright his image. Nor will you ever be able to sell 'official' Sonichu merchandise- to do that would land you in a lawsuit for copyright infringement. Second, SEGA and Nintendo will never, ever make a Sonichu game with, or for you. No matter how many 'fans' you may have, this will never change. You have been made aware of this fact many times before, yet you refuse to acknowledge it. And finally, for someone who is searching for a 'boyfriend-free girl', as you say, you are going the wrong way about it. Girls aren't interested in guys in their late twenties who live with their parents and live off of taxpayer's money. They aren't interested in guys who spend most of their time playing video games, drawing comics, and playing with transformer toys, especially when their bedroom is full of said toys and smells strange. And, they aren't interested in your Sonichu necklace. You aren't going to find anyone if you continue iving as you are now. And, if you intend to care for a wife and daughter, as you do, you must get a real job. Drawing Sonichu comics is not a real job. Doing chores is not a real job. Neither is stacking shelves in a supermarket.

If you want to change, you must put away Sonichu, and find a source of income instead of waiting for the welfare check to arrive every month. Then, I suggest finding a new place to live; you can't live with mom and dad forever.

Do yourself a favour, and take the advice given.

-Gabe@undefined