LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2009

The Gal Pal E-mails are a set of emails which Chris sent to multiple female friends over the years, all of whom were played by LoveYouLongTime. They were leaked onto the CWCki Forums / Kiwi Farms gradually beginning in late January 2015. While several of them are not dated, they appear to range from June through September 2009. During this period, Chris had to deal with the hacking of his PS3 by Jack Thaddeus and friends, a brown-striped impostor, angry parents, and fashion discoveries. Several names were redacted by LoveYouLongTime.

More e-mails were leaked in September 2016.

Messed-up biological clock
On 5 June 2009, Chris's YouTube account was hacked by trolls. On 10 June, he regained control, apparently with the help of this gal pal, who Chris thanks in this email. Their relationship seems to be rather new.

Ranking China
According to the Gal Pal: "Backstory to this is that friend of Chris had a sleepover with some other girls who joined in on a phone call with him... And the Easter Egg(s) is the girl named Crystal which is pretty easy to guess but we had BlueSpike voice Azul, hurr hurr get it? Sorry, bad joke. Blue had to do falsetto because at that point his voice wasn't that of a 13 year old. "

The Cwcville political scene
Chris's friend took additional measures to help Chris root out YouTube trolls. On 10 July 2009, Chris uploaded a video calling "Shmion Sonozaki" a "coward, naive, retarded individual," contributing to the suspension of his account.

Experiments with alcohol and balloon art
On 13 July 2009, footage of Chris hanging out in a bar with friends was uploaded onto YouTube. On the same day, Jack Thaddeus gave what Chris calls a "sex-challenge," that he must upload a video of himself having sex with a hooker in order to win back his hacked PSN network accounts. Not long afterward, Chris sent the following email.

Chris looks for a free hooker
This email was sent not long after the previous one. In an effort to meet Jack Thaddeus's demand, Chris turned to Craigslist, but to no avail.

Finding someone who will agree to have sex with Chris
Given Chris's lack of success in finding a hooker, Chris's gal pal apparently volunteered her services in finding him a sex partner. Having located a possible candidate, Chris debated how much she needed to know about Jack Thaddeus and his blackmail. It is unclear whether this anonymous woman was requesting that she be paid for having sex with Chris. In any case, nothing came of this, and Chris would remain a virgin with rage for the next couple years. Jack Thaddeus withdrew this particular ultimatum on 19 July 2009.

An anime convention and more fun with alcohol
In this email, Chris's friend tries to get him to attend Otakon, an anime convention, which was held in Baltimore from July 17 to 19. While Chris would not attend, Liquid Chris did, and made a killing off Sonichu merchandise, galvanizing Chris to start a civil war.

Chris also gropes his television screen.

Who was the very first troll?
On 24 July 2009, when Chris asked Jack why he was being trolled, Jack cryptically replied, "Who was the very first troll? That will answer your question." This captured Chris's attention. Chris sent a near-identical copy of this email to Katie Bay on 26 July.

Chris asks Michael for a 500-word essay
Still bothered by Jack's question, Chris continued the search for clues by sending a letter to Michael Snyder. He constructed this typed copy of his hand-written letter for his gal pal. Why Chris expected Mike to respond to this weird combination of anger and civility is beyond neurotypical understanding.

A pretty girl and a brown-striped impostor
This email was probably sent on 29 July 2009. Chris had finished and uploaded Episode 19 the day before.

Printer trouble and a creepy plot
While Chris was infuriated that Liquid Chris was impersonating him, he also saw this as an opportunity to convince Liquid's girlfriend Kacey that he was "the Real C.W.C." This evolved into a dumb plan to trick Kacey into coming to his house so that they could have sex. It involved video, phone calls, and help from friends.

My mother and my father are angry with me!
This panicked email is best read in conjunction with a certain video he made on the same day.

Paranoia reigns at 14 Branchland Court
This email provides a follow-up from the events of the previous day.

Tugboat confusion
In a phone call on the previous day, Kacey had used "tough love" to persuade Chris to look for a job.

Another piece of interesting information in this email is that Chris is trying to apply for a copyright. Unlike the job search, this effort would eventually bear fruit.

The muscle bra email
This is the famous muscle bra email which had been leaked separately in October 2009. The reference to "hackery" probably refers to his brief, dumb attempt in YouTube comments to make people believe that he had multiple personalities.