Sonichu 4

"neebiflipblam04"

- Chris's title for his file of the comic

Sonichu #4 is the fifth issue of the Sonichu series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, Sonichu #4 is a sort of anthology that consists exclusively of Sub-Episodes about Chris's Love Quest and other happenings of his life, which originally appeared at the end of each previous issue. Chris's narcissism is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from Sonichu #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete Sonichu #3 until February 2006, he had begun work on the new material in Sonichu #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6 and 7 were completed during the summer of 2005, and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September 2005. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in Sonichu #3.

Chris has stated that his mother told him to stop making sub-episodes as they loosely depicted unflattering events from Chris's life; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict. Chris claims to have forgotten the exact reason his mother was offended by the comics, though one imagines it might have had something to do with the fact that her grown son was making comics depicting how he solicited girls for sex relationships at shopping centers, and caused a scene when asked to stop. Or the fact that in one sub-episode Chris is seen "killing" a character depicting a real person (though she appears just fine later on) who he had recently been suspended from college for making implied threats towards.

At this point, Chris appeared to cut the pretense and make the series purely about his Mary Sue stand-in instead of the title character. Each episode in the book tells basically the same story: Chris loitering, being confronted by his enemies and then effortlessly defeating them. The book also introduces Crystal Weston Chandler, Chris's repressed gender dysphoria  hypothetical twin sister. Sonichu only appears once in the entire issue, while Rosechu and a new character, Darkbind also make an appearance in Sub Episode 2 and 4 respectively. Any other Electric-Hedgehog seen is through Chris's limitless powers, with an image of each character he stole powers from (Growth from Wild, Whirlwind from Angelica, etc.).

For almost every episode, there is an edited version, mainly poorly changing real-life names or changing his "curse ye ha me ha" attack by one word. Or he changes scenes entirely several years after publishing.

Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
Reprinted from Sonichu #0, the episode opens with Chris moping around Mal-Wart, complaining about how he has no girlfriend because of all the men taking pretty girls from him. The Jerkhief rightfully accuses Christian of solicitation and grows tired of Chris's whining for a girlfriend. This forces Chris to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu and defend himself with the dreaded Curse-ye-ha-me-ha after having Jerkops attempt to cuff him.

In the edited version, the attack is known as Shin-ye-ha-me-ha.

Note: In this episode, Chris utters the phrase "Fuzzy Wuzzies get you hugs- Prickly Wicklies get you slugs" He then points out how the Jerkhief dealt him a slug, which should make Chris come to his senses and realize his awful "prickly wickly" behavior

But seeing how this is Chris, he forgets this and decides that a slug equals a mary-sue attack that ruins innocent lives.

When this episode first appeared in Sonichu 0, Chris had not yet received his powers, it wouldn't be until Issue 2 Episode 7 he would get power in the medallion.

Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"
The episode opens with Chris further moping about and on a break from his quest to eat eight chicken McNuggets. Christian meets Hanna, who asks him out for coffee. All we learn of the girl is that she enjoys reading Chuck Palahniuk and plays guitar, also working at an unknown store. Chris spends most of the 'Date' talking about himself and showing off his Sonichu Scrapbook, ending the date by giving her a "double-take flirt" and calling his family. Meanwhile, Rosechu is off spreading the news of Chris having a date, since that appears to be breaking news that every citizen must know. While planning his next interaction with Hanna with help from a dating sim game, Chris learns from Rosechu that Hanna is trolling him. She finds this out after using her woman powers to overhear gossip among Hanna and her co-workers- while her friends ask her about Chris, feeding his ego by asking if he's dreamy and if they hear bells, Hanna reveals that it was a joke set up by the "boss".

Chris ends with a passive-aggressive email to Hanna- telling her it wasn't okay that she pranked him, but tells her she's very attractive and willing to give her a second chance, as long as she doesn't smoke and is boy-friend free. For no reason, he mentions he graduated with High Honors from school.

In the edited version, Hanna is known as "Fandanna", and the full page scene where Chris declares his love quest over changed from a rainbow explosion background to a more anime-looking Chris in front of a heaven background. Some versions will combine edits with the original.

It should also be noted that the only Electric Hedgehogs known at the time of first publishing were Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake- however, Rosechu is seen calling Bubbles and Wild, who would not be known by the team until Sonichu 3 episode 11. It could be assumed she met them at the mall or knew them beforehand, but the Chaotic Combo never knew other Electric Hedgehogs existed until they coincidentally bumped into one another.

Reprinted from Sonichu #1.

Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"
Christian as Chris-Chan breaks into Mary Lee Walsh's lair as she poorly rips off Macbeth's "Double Double" line, attempting to put an end to her heart shattering (mainly for himself) and parodies rips off Sailor Moon. After a brief fight, she overpowers him and learns his secret identity. Before she can deal the finishing blow, Sonichu (in a rare cameo) has to bail him out. Together, Chris and Sonichu seemingly finish off Mary Lee Walsh with a combo attack.

Reprinted from Sonichu #2.

In edited versions, Mary Lee Walsh is known as Slaweel.

Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"
Christian loiters at a McDonald's for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three manajerks. Chris mentions how he got his anime-wings from a previous con. As he transforms to Chris-Chan Sonichu, the wings magically attach to his head, making him Super Chris-Chan Sonichu, giving him the ability of flight. First appearance of DarkBind Sonichu, who has magically summoned only to aide Chris, sidetracking him from his own quest to reawaken Princess Zelda Princess Zelina Rosechu. Darkbind's powers consist of sword fighting and plagiarizing Monty Python. After defeating Merried Senor Comic and the Jerkhief, Darkbind runs off as Chris deals a long-winded speech on how he is above the law and only holds the sign and loiters since women are too busy shopping to notice him, saying he is allowed to go where he wants when he wants. The comic ends on a cliffhanger as a new challenger approaches.

Reprinted from Sonichu #3.

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While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on CWC's Sonichu Site recycles the ads for MySpace and Axe between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.

Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"
Continuing from Sub-Episode 4, the W-M-Manajerk immediately blasts Chris into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris suddenly decides that he needs to bathe and "smell like a Flower", and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (he seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan, appears before him with advice concerning Chris's Heart Torch:

"...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!"

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his homemade Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Emulating Wild Sonichu's power of growth, Chris momentarily grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip, and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Pixelblock-Heart Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons Crystal Weston Chandler into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same anchuent powers as he does (he would later shoehorn her into the prophecy and damage the retroactive continuity yet more), and they transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu.

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's Curse-ye-ha-me-ha and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, nonchalantly confirming that their intent was to murder him. While B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic decide they should retreat, Crystal takes the time to rant about how he's intruding on her brother's Love Quest and that how he could never know true love due to his lack of a heart, among other things. Eventually, even Chris gets tired of his imaginary sister's bullshit and cuts her off- which is hypocritical since Chris and Sonichu are both known to go on long page-covering tirades, mainly about how Chris is above the law-before having W-M-Manajerk confess (unprompted) that he is from the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens and that he was sent by Mary Lee Walsh. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious, followed by some hilarious word play at the expense of a concussion.

Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"
Christian presents a documentary on the various jerkops he has encountered during his Love Quest, with a profile on the Jerkhief. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a painted yellow. The Jerkhief's, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his gal pals when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story, Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by Crystal, emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel Magi-Chan's powers to telekinetically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first, he makes a long, boring speech: "You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want! And I will never quit in my search for a Boyfriend-Free Girl either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, and tell Mary Lee Walsh that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and Love Quest, I will punish you!"

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, Scotpalazzo decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.

Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"
A flashback reveals how Christian and Saramah Rosechu defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; Graduon vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give Bagget his first assignment, to attack Christian at the Get-Tar Region, Chris's new "watering hole" for boyfriend-free girls- complete with $1 sodas with unlimited refills. While listening to his Nintendo DS music and drawing, he is confronted by two Jerkops, who are aware of him being kicked out of Mal-Wart and want him to leave. Chris summons Angelica's whirlwind powers to blow them away (Gust would have been the better move- since Whirlwind would most likely require movement on Chris's part). Using a squad of jerkops and his Change-Bot Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from a dizzying height of at least ten feet.

This issue is also the origin of The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail.

Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hog-tying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued and captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as Crystalina Rosechu, Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, trussed on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from , Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of indeterminate liquid. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Instead of showing Crystalina fighting the evil, Chris takes this time to mope to himself that is he still without a girlfriend. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement. Due to Crystalina being a girl, she cannot fight the forces on her own, causing her to channel her energy to Chris and re-energize him. Finally able to transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu, Chris and his sister form up as Chrs-Chan Pure and use the Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to Manchester High School to rebuild their power base.

Back Cover
As with Sonichu #2, early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features Sonichu Adventure.