Lesbian Sex Audition

Lesbian Sex Audition is a YouTube video uploaded by Chris (as IMG 3207) on 31 May 2016, in which he shows off his unappreciated acrobatic sexual prowess in hopes to impress a lesbian couple, Sam and Ellen, who hoped to raise a baby by means of natural impregnation. Its contents are essentially a more SFW version of For Julie's Eyes Only (mostly because he's not technically naked). Chris attempts to demonstrate his sexual prowess with a blow-up doll, explaining his actions as he goes along, with the notion that he will treat Sam or Ellen to this sort of sexual experience should they allow him to impregnate one of them. He starts simple, attempting to perform cunnilingus on the doll's stomach and shoving his face in its rear with the offer of anal to Sam and Ellen (even though this categorically couldn't impregnate them) but moves on to advanced techniques such as helicoptering the doll around on his dick, all the while humming childish tunes and imitating voices. The tour-de-force concludes with Chris claiming that spinning a plastic sex doll on top of him for a few minutes was "a good workout" and mentioning that his dick is "five, seven inches long".

The video was previously mentioned in CWC Responds to a bully named Johan, as Chris explained it was made to show Sam and Ellen how a natural birth was better and to compete with Johan who made his own video. Chris also made an online poll to let the public decide whose video was better - at the time of writing, Johan has a clear lead.

The demonic Sonic Totem reappears in this video. Members of Kiwi Farms were quick to point out how it has turned away in horror to what is happening next to it, and many ended up feeling sympathy for the artifact itself.

As of June 2, 2016, YouTube deleted the video due to it violating its policies on nudity and sexual content, earning Chris a strike on his channel.

Video
"I know, yes, we're tribbing!"

Transcript


Hello Sam and Ellen! It's Christine Chandler coming to you live from... my bedroom! Which is separate from my Work Room. Anyway, so, y'all wanna see a little.. play, huh?

[starts removing bathrobe] Yeah, I'm not naked, totally, but, to get the point across. [higher pitched] Enough to get the point across! So.. remembering from whatcha said, rule number one, the foreplay!

Hmm, make out... [starts making out with the doll, eventually moving down to the breasts and chewing on its nipples] Hmm. And it show... the pussy! I know where it is, the clitoris would be... [gibberish] assuming this would be the front, that'd be the back, cuz that's how big the hole is here. There's the clitoris, and the vagina's down here somewhere in the middle, and we don't wanna... hit the peehole which is in between.

I know about the labia... [dives in and starts sucking the doll's crotch]

[flips the doll over] And uh... not comfortable with it yet but I'll get around to it... uhh, I might definitely ask y'all to shower beforehand, but... we could try anal. [starts eating the doll's ass]

[wiping his mouth] Yeah... I'll definitely ask y'all to get that bleached. But anyway aside from that, um, yes I'm aware of toys... umm, I have a vibrator, I did have, this one on hand, though it's still wrapped in plastic anyhow. So, you know I nev— so you can tell I never used it. Alright, so yeah, so.. it's like... few things we can do here [grabs doll and sticks vibrator up its backside] prolly, put it up your be— up your behind... now... [holding the doll up by the vibrator] y'all would be— your center of gravity would be a lot better than this one's.

[flips the doll over and sticks the vibrator in its vagina] And... be doin' this goin' on while we're... [starts making out with the doll again]

And then of course I know about the vibrator go "bzzzzzz..." [shakes the vibrator around and shoves it back inside the doll] but I mean it's pretty straightforward, so... [places the vibrator back in the cupboard] I just wanna move on from that... part.

Alright so lemme see whatdya'll wanna see, whatdya'll wanna see oh yeah [kneels on bed] the uh, piledriver [stands on bed and begins to piledrive the sex doll]

[eventually kneels back down] alright lemme see, the uh... well I forget the name but we're on our side for this one. [lies down on side and presses doll up against his body with some struggle] [donkey?] [inaudible~go like that?] Yeah. And, it goes in there. [inaudible] [begins to hump the sex doll]

I know, yes, we're tribbing! Alright, then, bottom of the list, well, whatcha say, whichever, apparently, yeah let's put the arms up for this demonstration. The Spin. [Weird humming while spinning the doll on his crotch.] Y'all feeling this? Y'all feeling this? Now let me see, I believe that was the basics from your email, and, uh, moment. And now for some, some breaststroke. Just go with the flow, enjoy the view. [Sing-song voice] This way would be preferred.

Off top of my head, that's a good workout, so far. I hope I [gibberish] impressed y'all with that, and I look forward to your reply. It still dispenses. The thing's still, like, 5 to 7 inches long erect, so, Sam and Ellen, please have my babies. Have our babies. Have our little girls. Thank you, good night.

Trivia

 * The Chandler family still have their Christmas trees up 5 months after it was socially acceptable to do so.
 * The record behind Chris is Bobbie Gentry and Glen Campbell, presumably one of Bob's.
 * All hail the Sonic Totem.
 * CWC finally mastered the spin move at 4:30.