The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special



The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special is a machinima of Animal Crossing that Chris made as a gift for Bob and Barbara Chandler in spring 2004. This creation offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a bar. It also shows us the unoriginality of Chris's artistic skills, and that Chris would rather play video games in his parents' names than instead of buying them a good gift.

It is notable that Chris thanks his parents for his birth, not his upbringing. Apparently, giving existence to Chris was a major accomplishment in and of itself.

Transcript
[two in-game flyers appear]

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / It's...

[the game's respective Nintendo logo appears as the opening theme plays over the menu screen]

[another in-game flyer appears]

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur]

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: Animal Crossing, Mario Paint

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action...

[one last in-game flyer appears]

Due to limited items, the following program may have some inaccurate furniture for each parent...

[starts playing Animal Crossing as himself]

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little...documentary for y'all, here in Animal Crossing for Nintendo GameCube...about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time too...

[jump cut to Chris playing as Bob]

...the time of good ol' Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr. He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh...all that stuff he...was- he fought in the war, he likes- well, he worked- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh...see what describes him as him.

[enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor]

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes to call 'em a record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh...say, the toy train, here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh- he was born in, uh, Texas. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he did go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a Cherokee in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was- he was, like, one-sisteenths Cherokee. But...that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here...that's, uh- he was- he's been- he's been to Korea...for a war in...World War II, I believe it was. And he got...a conduct Medal of Honor, so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a...blue tar-tan. Same pattern as is his, uh, regular shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This pattern here for his um-brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh...he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh...pays the bills on his, uh...desk, and, uh...nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da- back in his old days, the- a computer would fill up a whole room...and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business loved computers. [does an impression of a baby computer] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody loved the radio, as well. [does a half-hearted impression of Bob] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [laughs like Peter Griffin] That's written by de-fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well... [moves the tour to the second floor] so, here's a representation of our backyard...or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh...yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [does another half-hearted impression of Bob] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm...I see there's the, uh...Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit...oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to...mow the lawn. Mow the lawn. Mow the lawn.

And, uh, when he can, with, uh...with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was Barbara. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point- another good point in his, uh, life: [moves the tour down to the basement] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'...stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang...up here on the stage. Along with the, uh...classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, martini, will ya?"

[does impression of bartender] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[returns to same bad impression of Bob] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a...b-brewski."

[does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk] "One beer, comin' up!"

[chuckles]

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a...telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [reassures himself] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so...

Here's a good ezzample. [plays unrecognizable melody on piano]

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [plays same unrecognizable melody]

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, Sonic's theme song. That's, uh...that's a town tune...that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. He should- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!

[leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour]

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no- in a- in a hero business, he's also known as "Flower Man"...‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now...let's time travel...to another time...

[jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara]

...for- yeah – the time of Barbara Chandler...which- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has brown hair, but since it’s Animal Crossing, they gave me blue hair by de-fault.

But anyway, let's go into her house and see what her lifestyle is.

[enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor]

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters-

Transcript
--so she had to share.

But she had a quite a few...interests of [unintelligble; swallows and exhales] But nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, y’know, back then, she couldn't have- she didn't have one; they were all in the big business.

But back then, she went to school, and she worked hard. And see this, uh, shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uh, back in high school...[dresses Barb character in cheerleader outfit] she was a cheerleader. [does a half-hearted cheerleader impression] "Rum-bum! Sis-boom-bah! Yay-yay! La-la-la!"

Yeah – and one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got...tackled by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then, she could no longer do the twist.

Anyway, sh- like I said, her s- her cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her um-brella.

Oh – by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention: for- I put the trumpets and the bot- batons here? I used Mario Paint to design...one set...and then, I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing because...a, uh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to...one-quarter...of a whole...Animal Crossing stamp. [dresses Barb character in original outfit] By the way, this is a daisy shirt she's wearing.

But anyway, uh, she, uh- she also- a lot- she...likes plants, so she kept...ones...around...then and now.

And she also liked to, uh, play games, so there's a...knight here. Yeah.

And she also had, uh, classic furniture in her room, and, uh...around the house, because, uh, they belonged to her parents, so here's a hutch. Yeah.

So, anyway, let's go up to, uh...her room... [moves the tour to the second floor] that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah.

Like I said, she shared her room with, uh, her sisters...so, we got a big bed. [rolls back and forth in bed] See that? More than one person can sleep in it.

But, of course, in the little...room of hers...she, uh, does things hard, so she do- does a lot of work. Not only did she work outside, but she worked inside: she made clothes. So, here's a sewing machine for that.

And, of course, she, uh, worked hard when she went to school... [something produces a loud farting noise, and it’s difficult to tell whether it’s the game or Chris], so she, uh, had a lot of writing to do.

And to line up her making clothes, the, uh- she made- prob’ly made a dolly or two.

And here's a couple of her fine designs.

Anyway, she keep- she kept her clothes in her, uh, closets, as well as her, uh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics missed up with her clothes, because if she wore the little fabrics, well...wouldn't’ve covered much!

Anyway, of course, she likes to keep pretty, so, uh...she always liked to... [uses a baby voice] "have a liddle fun adda miwwah".

So, anyway, uh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uh, a little sad part in the, uh, days of old. [moves the tour down to the basement]

This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room.

[does a half-hearted impression of Barb] "Hey! Soup's on! Who wants soup?"

Yeah- oh, yeah – she likes the old st- to get old stuff, as well, so, she’s got a little tea set here.

And, uh, we got a kitchen...fridge, and a stove.

Here's a little fan to keep cool with.

Keep food in this little, uh...pantry.

And she keeps her, uh, brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can.

And this is the sad part. And it get- and sometime- in some places nowa- in, uh, very few houses nowadays, but what happened in the, uh, old days: the bathroom was in the same room as, uh, the kitchen.

But luckily, we always remember to wash our hands with soap and water.

Yeah.

But anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she does have a b- private bathroom. Yeah.

[leaves Barb’s house to conclude tour]

But anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days...because, uh...we'll time-travel...forward.

Yeah – now, we're gonna time-travel forward...

[jump cut to Chris playing as himself again]

...to the present, here.

Yep – back to the present, we is!

But like I said: uh...Mom and Dad, they, uh, met each other. Oh yeah – I forgot to tell ya how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it...was.

[enters Bob’s house and goes down to the basement]

They met over at Matty's pub, see?

Yeah. Mom was just, uh, sittin' down with her friend. She was watching, uh, "Bobby", uh, sing up here. And, well, she like-- she really liked his, uh, singing, so, uh, she- as Father put it: she went up to him, and then, uh...as he passed by to change the Fer- change the Thermo- "Thermostat"? Yeah. Anyway, she chased him down the hallway...and cornered him.

And then, uh, after that, sh- they just talked: like, they just, uh, talked things out, and they, uh, g-got to know each other. Found common things.

But then, in 1980, they did get married. But that was Father's side of the story – the "chasing down the hallway" thing – because Mom says that that's not exactly "right".

But anyway, this is where they met: over here at Matty's pub.

And there's a little thing that...you couldn't have without Father’s plastic molding machines: a trash can.

[leaves Bob’s house again]

So, anyway, this is on the- this day that this video will be shown – but on the day that it’s recorded: tomorrow- I mean, it was yesterday it was recorded – yeah – that these two were wed. So, it was, like, 24 years ago today that this video was shown- is shown...that- that the brrr-- that the, uh, priest said:

[does a half-hearted impression of a priest] "Bob, do you take this woman to be your lubbily-wedded wife? To love and hold and cherish, and to honor?"

[uses a foolish voice] "I do! "

[does same half-hearted impression of a priest] "And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish, and to honor forever?"

[uses a voice that sounds like Portal’s GLaDOS] "I do!"

[does same half-hearted impression of a priest again] "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

[does a half-hearted impression of Bob] "Whoopee!"

[uses a deep, singsong voice] "Happy days are here again!"

And now, let's take a look at the, uh, house...that, uh, love brought.

[enters Chandler household to start tour of first floor]

This here is the family room...below, uh- above that downstairs that, uh, Mom and Dad share.

They brought everything with them between the, uh, "something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue".

Well, there's a little blue there in the, uh, barber's pole. A little something old from Dad's house.

But, of course, nowadays, Father will, uh, watch television and fall asleep on this...comfy chair...

...when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day.

And Mom will, uh- she'll sometimes sleep on the couch.

But, of course, they, uh, sleep in their bed here. Big enough for two!

And they have a computer to surf the Web with.

[swallows and exhales]

And, uh, we used to have a, uh, player piano.

Let us play. [plays melody]

Hold on a second.

Plays better when there's no music on from another source!

[plays incoherent "Sonic" theme]

That's the ticket!

Transcript
But anyway, when- first comes love, then comes marriage...then, they come along with their baby carriage. And that's where I came in; born in February 1982 was me.

Yeah – just two years after they got- uh, this- less than two years after they got married.

So, anyway, this is my bedroom...and my, uh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but...they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. So, I had to make do. But it's a big TV.

And I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh – my first video game system was a Commodore 64, here. Good computer, it was; had some great games on it! Of course, I would have to say my second system after this would be the original Game Boy.

Yeah. But anyway, I kept my video- I keep my video games nowadays ‘cause I got lots of 'em on shelves...and stuff. Yeah.

But anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah – look at all these posters!

Yeah – of course, uh, you got my bed here; it's my favorite color: blue.

[moves the tour down to the basement]

Yeah – and, uh, along with the few video games, we got more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in the real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he- in Animal Crossing, got all my N- got my NES collection down here.

Oh – and look at this: I caught an angel fish. This is an angel fish.

Oh – and here's a model! It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

[leaves own house to conclude tour]

Anyway, uh, now, we're gonna take a trip back to, uh, Father's house for a special...deal.

[enters Bob’s house while still playing as himself]

[goes down to Bob’s basement bar]

As a little retribution for, uh...how things were, we're gonna play a little number on the jukebox here. But since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play-- we're gonna play, uh..."Sittin' Under The Apple Tree".

[plays the 1942 hit "Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree" in full]

"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! Anyone else but me! Ooh! Anyone else but me! No, no, no! Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me ''Till I come marchin' home!

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me! ''Anyone else but me! ''Anyone else but me! No, no, no! Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me Till I come marchin' home!

''I just got word from a guy who heard ''From the guy next door to me: ''The girl he met just loves to pet, ''And it fits you to a tee! So... Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me Till I come marchin' home!

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me! ''Anyone else but me! ''Anyone else but me! No, no, no! ''Watch the girls on the foreign shores? You'll have to report to me ''When you come marchin' home!

''Don't hold anyone on your knee! You better be true to me! ''You better be true to me! ''You better be true to me! ''Don't hold anyone on your knee! You're gettin' the third degree ''When you come marchin' home!

''You're on your own where there is no phone ''And I can't keep tabs on you! ''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee ''This is one thing that I'll do: ''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you ''Till you come marchin' home!

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! ''I know the apple tree ''Is reserved for you and me! ''And I'll be true Till you come marchin' home!"

And there you have a nice little blast from the past!

Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here... [heads back upstairs and leaves Bob’s house] and we're back outside.

And now, for, uh, my mom and dad: a little something special for this, uh, video.

This is my way of saying "Happy B- Anniversary" to y'all.

Coming up next:

[''smash cut to a ridiculously crude computer drawing of a wedding cake with the words "To Mom & Dad. / HAPPY / ANNIVERSARY / THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! / Love Christian C." written on its several layers'']

[a grating Mario Paint rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays several times as an image of Sonichu zips across the screen from left to right over and over again]

Yeah. [sounding suddenly emotional (or else congested)] I love you both! Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special.

[all in-game fliers from the beginning of the video scroll by in reverse]

Let’s see...where did this go?

Yeah – here it is.

[sings roughly to the tune of the William Tell Overture's finale while scrolling back through the fliers glimpsed earlier]

Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, laaa-laaaa! La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, laa-laa-laaaa! Ohhh! Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! Dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, doh-dohh-dohhh! La-ta, duh-tuh, di-tuh, di-tuh, doh-doh-dohh! Ohhhhhh! Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! Loo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-doo-dooo! Loo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-doo-dooo! [sounding suddenly passionate (or else in terrible pain) as he retreats into his own house while moaning one final verse] Ohhhhhhhh!

[resumes speaking normally]

Till next tiiime...

Good night, folks!

[continues filming, even though all he’s doing is saving his game data]

Thank you, and good night!