Julie Reveals Herself

"[I'd] swap the OG Sonichu Medallion, as well as the second one that fell to the manipulation of BlueSpike, with duplicates, so then the OG one would stay on as the fully-upgraded medallion that would be worn today."

- Chris 11 years later, on what he would have done differently when BlueSpike asked him to shove the medallion up his ass.

Julie Reveals Herself is a Mumble chat that occurred on 3 March 2009, and is easily one of the most infamous events of trolling in Christory. In this chat, Chris is basically locked up in an hour-long torture session with BlueSpike, who poses as Julie's fake brother, Max. After being deceived by him earlier in the day, Chris crosses paths with him one last time later that night. Max continued his onslaught on the manchild; he threatened to sell Chris's PlayStation Network account on eBay several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to 4chan as well as Encyclopedia Dramatica. He also threatened to send Julie back to Europe, forced Chris to declare BILLY MAYS as the new Mayor of CWCville, and have Chris imprisoned. But the icing on the cake was when Max made Chris cut up his precious medallion and shove it up his ass. After all was said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a little surprise for him...

Summary

 * It should be noted that Clyde Cash and several other trolls were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, even they were disgusted and horrified at how far BlueSpike took it. Because of this, the following day, an explosive troll war took place on ED because of BlueSpike's actions.
 * BlueSpike, posing as Max, tauntingly greets a grumpy Chris. He asks Chris why he's "down in the dumps", which he explains it's because "Max" is holding his hacked PSN and Yahoo! accounts ransom. Max says Chris can either choose between having his account back or being with Julie.
 * Blue repeatedly riles Chris up by insulting and taunting him, and threatening to sell his PSN on eBay and give all the proceeds to 4chan and ED.
 * After making him dance for his personal lulz, Blue tells Chris to put on his medallion. He says he will give him his PSN account if he burns and jizzes on the medallion, but at the same time he can't have Julie. If Chris doesn't comply, then Max will send Julie back to Europe. Chris hesitates, not only because he doesn't have anything to light up the medallion, but because he (of all people) doesn't know what "jizz" means.
 * Blue goads Chris into declaring Billy Mays as the new mayor of CWCville, and that Chris will be thrown in jail, "where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers." Chris infamously says "niggos" instead of the N word. Blue has him say the word anyway, and he gets the "hang" of it before Blue makes him stop.
 * Blue orders him again to jizz on the medallion, explaining to him it requires mass debating. Chris says he can't get a hard-on while under stress, so Blue orders him to burn the medallion, and in a psychopathic way screams he wants to see Chris actually get hurt. Chris goes quiet for a good while. Blue then says he can either choose to burn the medallion, or cut it up into pieces and shove it up his ass. Chris takes the latter choice.
 * While Chris prepares to cut his medallion, Blue taunts him by saying he's bringing over a black friend of his to come watch Chris, requesting him to record and take pictures of himself. Chris actually goes through with his demands, much to the delight of Blue, and the audible disgust of the other trolls; he gets so stressed that his fecal leakage kicks in. The trolls repeatedly tell Blue to stop. Ignoring them at first while continuing to mock Chris, Blue eventually tells Chris he can stop trying to put the pieces in his ass. He attempts to leave to wash his shit-covered hands, but Blue tells him to stay put.
 * Blue wonders what else he can make Chris do, much to the other trolls' annoyance. This culminates in him repeatedly demanding that Chris burn down his house, seriously alarming the other trolls, but fortunately Chris refuses point-blank to do this. Blue decides to have Chris get on Mumble to let him talk to "Julie". Chris spends over ten literal minutes trying to get a microphone working and logging onto Mumble, but eventually succeeds.
 * Chris finally gets to talk to Julie. She reveals to him she is nothing more than Max/BlueSpike in disguise, telling him that all this time, Chris had been engaging in cybersex with a 13-year-old boy, who had been talking in pretty much his normal voice while pretending to be a girl. This doesn't quite get the reaction Blue expected from Chris; while Chris was certainly disappointed and tried to say he wasn't aware of Max's age, he seems to be apathetic towards what happened, seeing as this wasn't the first (and definitely not the last) time Chris was tricked into being in a relationship with a fake woman.
 * Blue tells Chris to send him the video footage of him shoving the medallion up his ass. Chris reveals he lied and didn't videotape anything when that happened, refusing to do it all over again. In response, Blue gets Clyde to come out and talk to Chris. Clyde, already quite disgusted with the whole ordeal, simply decides to tell Chris in a straightforward manner that there are no actual fans of Sonichu, that there is far more to life than his PS3, and that he needs to spend more time going out socializing instead of sitting on his ass all day indoors playing vidya. A nonplussed Chris pretty much ignores this, and leaves the call.
 * Blue and the others reflect on what they did to Chris. After a while of them chattering over each other, a female troll asks if she can stop recording the Mumble, and after they give her the green light, does so.

eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)
Max: [tape begins with very low quality] Ready? [''The sound of the trolls voices can be heard, but very faintly. The audio then becomes more audible as Max begins his onslaught on Chris.''] Christian Chandler, hello! Chris: Hello. Max: Aw, why so down in the dumps? Chris: Come on, you know why. Max: WHY? Tell me! Chris: Because you stole my PSN, you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend. Max: And what did you pick? Tell me. Chris: --icked Julie. Max: Chris... Chris: 'Cause I love her. Max: ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in five seconds: Julie or everything else. Chris: Wait, what you say? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba--what you say? Max: No, I'm not going to go back. No. Chris: I want Julie. Max: Really? You sincerely mean it? Chris: Yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, if you don't yell at me one more time, you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your fangs! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [makes constipated grunts] <font color="#D44942">Max: [maniacal laughter] Are you constipated? [high-pitched squealing in delight] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump...oh, look out, he's reachin' Super Saiyan! You're not mad, you pathetic wimp. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [another angry constipated sound] <font color="#D44942">Max: You disgust me! Oh, why don't you smack the webcam around some? You're a bitch! You're not going to get my sister that way. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get--you want me to get angry, I got angry. <font color="#D44942">Max: That's not angry, you're a--you're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, no. <font color="#D44942">Max: No. It's going on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you leave it off! <font color="#D44942">Max: Yes! eBay! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no. <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughter] eBay...eBay... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! No! Stop. Stop it. <font color="#D44942">Max: Why should I stop? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sighs] <font color="#D44942">Max: Why should I stop? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Stop. I want Julie. <font color="#D44942">Max: Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [multiple sighs] <font color="#D44942">Max: Face it, Chris, it's mine. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, I'm not--no, no, no. No. <font color="#D44942">Max: No matter how many times you say "no" like that, it's not going to change it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#D44942">Max: Say "buh bye bay nose". <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm sorry, repeat that? <font color="#D44942">Max: Say that "I'm a homo." <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [grudgingly and incoherently] Ermnahomo... <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [muffled] Ermahomo... <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh! That's not going to get the PSN! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm a hommomu— <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: Either--then say it louder. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [screams] <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] Yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! No, no! <font color="#D44942">Max: [mockingly] No, that's not okay, Mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. You have got— No, no, no! No, don't you dare! <font color="#D44942">Max: Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...rrRRRRAAGHHH <font color="#D44942">Max: [breathing during fits of laughter] Aw, and you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong. Prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [angry muffled noise] <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, I'm making the manchild--are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna--you're, you're just--uou just really are dumb. It--it's going on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: NO! No! No! <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] Yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You leave it off of eBay. <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay! Yes, yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You stop. <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop. <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop! <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop it, I dunno. Look, look, look— <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, listen, listen. Look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry...and I'm putting it on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You're not putting it on eBay. <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, yeah, yes I am. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your fangs? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no. Stop. <font color="#D44942">Max: No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. [thunks twice] eBay. Look, eBay. [keys clicking] eBay.com. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop. Stop. Stop! <font color="#D44942">Max: Start auction... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, stop! What do you want? <font color="#D44942">Max: I want to sell your PSN on the pi--uh... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pitch rising, he's getting desperate] I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme--gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it-- <font color="#D44942">Max: No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN 'cause you picked Julie. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Look, please. Alright, fine, listen, listen— <font color="#D44942">Max: Start auction... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, stop, stop, just listen to me, please. <font color="#D44942">Max: Umm, how should I label this? Oh! Thousand dollar worth PSN. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop! Stop! <font color="#D44942">Max: Hacked by Max Milvana. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop. Stop. <font color="#D44942">Max: Starting bid...a hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account! <font color="#D44942">Max: I can have it? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: But just— But just leave it off of eBay! <font color="#D44942">Max: Okay! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [high-pitched] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just...[clap] just LEAVE IT OFF OF EBAY, PLEASE! <font color="#D44942">Max: It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pause, sigh] Yes, but please, just don't sell it on eBay. <font color="#D44942">Max: Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Because you have all those games to download, that's like— <font color="#D44942">Max: I already downloaded them, numbnuts! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: How many gigabytes does your PlayStation 3 have? <font color="#D44942">Max: What? I think it's like an 80-gigabyte; i-it came with Metal Gear Solid, so... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [self-satisfied sigh] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than 80 gigabytes, I'll tell you what. <font color="#D44942">Max: Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff? <font color="#D44942">Max: Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Let's see...I think I might have a friend in New Brunswick that wants this, I don't know. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. No. No. <font color="#D44942">Max: Where's my phone? Oh, here it is. [dials] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Listen, listen. You--you--you keep my account, okay? You keep my account and— <font color="#D44942">Max: And I'll put it on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: —leave it alone. No. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake, and he's going to defile your name. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, leave it off. No, no. No! <font color="#D44942">Max: I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [screaming] <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughs] I'm going to give it to 4-cent-garbage! And Encyclopedia Dramatica. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that, they're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop, stop, stop. <font color="#D44942">Max: Donation: 1,000, by Christian Weston Chandler! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [getting louder and whinier] No, just stop, just stooooop! <font color="#D44942">Max: How--yeah, why don't you yell some louder. Why don't you yell--why don't you wake the dead with your howling...come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [yells] <font color="#D44942">Max: You--you yell like a pussy. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [yells] <font color="#D44942">Max: You're a bitch, yell louder. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [yells] <font color="#D44942">Max: Uh oh, I won't like you when you're mad! Oh wait, I do, because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright... <font color="#D44942">Max: Suck my dick. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: How can I do you--how can I do yours when you're all the way over there? <font color="#D44942">Max: I'll go all the way to Virginia. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to The GAMe PLACe, apologize to the manager, and suck HIS dick. I want you to record it and put it on YouTube. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Aaaaah...please, don't be--don't be such a meanie. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, "meanie"?! Fuck YOU! Suck your manager's dick. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Look, look, listen, alright? Listen, just listen. <font color="#D44942">Max: Listen to what? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Max--Max, you are a great being. You are--you're a humble person. Please, I'm only a lowly--I'm only a lowly servant among your trestles. <font color="#D44942">Max: [disbelieving] Wha...uh...what...uh... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I only ask you— I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty. <font color="#D44942">Max: Sh...sh...SHUT UP! You can have--you can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: But listen, I— <font color="#D44942">Max: No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, stop. Look, I'm putting myself--I'm putting yourself on your mercy here. Please, just leave my— Just leave it off of eBay! <font color="#D44942">Max: Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance, you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance, you fucking monkey! [squeaks/laughs] Alright, you--stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like Michael Jackson. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [makes panting sounds, presumably dancing] <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] What the fuck? Oh, don't! No, don't! Oh, no more! No more. When you grabbed your crotch, that was enough. Hey, Chris, can I tell you a secret? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! <font color="#D44942">Max: Yes! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, $1,000-worth PSN account hacked...I'm going to start the bid at $500. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] You win. Win. I give up. <font color="#D44942">Max: What? I win? It's mine?. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please? <font color="#D44942">Max: It's gone. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Look, you can have it, you can— <font color="#D44942">Max: I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with the cat crap you slip on. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh]

Chris holds Max at Duckpoint (11:16-14:00)
<font color="#D44942">Max: What are you going to do? Mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man, you fucking pussy? Come on. No, no. "But" nothing, you're a bitch. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No... <font color="#D44942">Max: No, sit right there, like a bitch. You stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there. You are a bitch. You've got a big old set of...ovaries...NO!!! NO, NO!!! DON'T!!! OK. OK. OK. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you pedofffork. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal, indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Nothing was actu-- <font color="#D44942">Max: Don't... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Nothing was actually exposed. <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just--just don't. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Fine. <font color="#D44942">Max: That's where I cross the line. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Fine. That's wh--selling--selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line. <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, it's going on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You cross that line, I'm crossing this line. <font color="#D44942">Max: It's going on eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You cross that line... <font color="#D44942">Max: No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it anymore, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick, I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woohoo! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Look, okay— No, listen, stop. <font color="#D44942">Max: eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You take it off of eBay and I'll pull my pants back up-- <font color="#D44942">Max: No. It's--it's already on eBay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute. There's something behind you. Move so that I can see behind you...oh! That's the cup from Target, isn't it? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: What is it then? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: It's the--it's a McDonald's TEA cup! <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some man-tits going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for $1. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Wait. What? <font color="#D44942">Max: And if you fucking start with me one more time, it's going on eBay for a dollar.

Dance like a Gay Man (14:00-15:38)
<font color="#D44942">Max: Hey, can I tell you a secret? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? <font color="#D44942">Max: I actually...I'm not gonna send Julie over there anyway. I'm not gonna help her to see you. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. No. You stop. Y-y-y--we had an agreement. I picked Julie! <font color="#D44942">Max: Really? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! You--you help her over here... <font color="#D44942">Max: [drowning out Chris] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Unless I can positively disgust you? <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, which you already do, so... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Look, please, I'm--I'm begging, I'm begging you--I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please-- <font color="#D44942">Max: No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: How about, Chris-- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I throw myself--I throw myself on your mercy, please. <font color="#D44942">Max: I can't even see you. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I throw myself on your mercy, please. <font color="#D44942">Max: Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance for my amusement. Dance like a gay man! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [makes shuffling and rustling sounds] <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like...Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, Goodwill.

Medallion or PSN? (15:38-18:14)
<font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your medallion? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [exasperated sigh] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it. <font color="#D44942">Max: Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or--no, no, no. I'm not going to give you that...uh, anyway, just burn your medallion. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me— <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I might-- <font color="#D44942">Max: You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What about Julie? <font color="#D44942">Max: You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN. Then you won't get Julie. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hang on, I'm getting it. <font color="#D44942">Max: Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you, shithead, I'm not. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here... <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, oh! And one— One more thing? Hey, Chris, I want--I want you to jizz on it before you burn it. [laughs] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Jizz? <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, and— Oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it. Say it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Wait a minute, what does "jizz" mean? <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, "what does 'jizz' mean?" I'm telling you to mass debate on it, you stupid dick. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly--really quickly, Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. [claps twice] Can you do this? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Yell it. Yell it loud. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [confused] Billy Mays? <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, Billy Mays. Say it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Who the hell is he? <font color="#D44942">Max: BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN! [long pause] Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can. [more silence] Come on, autism metal block!! What--what the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides, soldier. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, I don't want my PSN anymore. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, I'm going to. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Go ahead. <font color="#D44942">Max: I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh]

Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)
<font color="#D44942">Max: Chris, do what I want, or I'm not going to send Julie over there. How about that? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: That's a good boy. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you're sending Julie over here. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, no. If you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs: "Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville!" [pause] Come on. Do it! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [in a droning voice] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville. <font color="#D44942">Max: Louder, you fucking pussy! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [slightly louder] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville. <font color="#D44942">Max: Stop saying it in your fucking...dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sighs, raises his voice] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE! <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail. <font color="#D44942">Max: "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggos. <font color="#D44942">Max: [giggling] No, say "niggers", you stupid twat. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Niggers. <font color="#D44942">Max: Louder. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [loudly] Niggerrrrs! <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] Louder. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Don't...don't trust them new niggers over there. <font color="#D44942">Max: No! No, shut up. You ruined that...fucking joke. Now, Chris, I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it...no, no, no, no, no. Mass debate on it first, then burn it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [voice shaking] I'd rather just burn it, please... <font color="#D44942">Max: No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [angry] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of stress! <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, I know--I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just think of men's dicks, that'll probably help. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] Yes! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Just the opposite! <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh yeah, uh--yeah, men's balls. Sorry, men's balls. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: That's not the opposite, I— That's not the opposite, too. <font color="#D44942">Max: You're right. Men's butts. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [enraged] THAT, THU--THAT IS EVEN WORSE!!! <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, you're right. Men's faces. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [angry growling noises] <font color="#D44942">Max: Those persuasive eyes, they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [screaming] THEY ARE NOT-- <font color="#D44942">Max: You're gonna stick it in your--you're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt, ah, ah, what, what, in the butt?!

Losing the Plot (20:40-22:03)
<font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there, where I can see it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pissed off] I gotta get a match or something. <font color="#D44942">Max: Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. [screaming] I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!! Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. [pause] How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? [long pause] Hey, Chris? [still silence] Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt: make your choice. [silence] Ah, interrogating autistics, it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. [long pause] Christian, if you don't answer me within the next 5 seconds, I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. [silence] 5...4...3...2...1. Alright there, I guess...hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me. [the worst girl voice ever] Oh no! [normal voice] Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic! Before I bust a fucking cap...or something. [silence] Jerk. I mean, you are a jerk. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [rustling]

Medallion up Chris's ass (22:03-35:20)
<font color="#D44942">Max: Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have 5 seconds before I fucking send my, uh--you have 5 seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe. 5...4...321--OH! Too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me, Chris, I have to tell you one thing first. You have an alternative. [Chris is rustling] Are you ready? Are you listening to me now? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Now, you have an alternative: either burn it or shove it up your butt. [mocking] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...I'm going to shove it up my butt. <font color="#D44942">Max: You're gonna...you're going to shove it up your butt? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] No. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You're going to see this. <font color="#D44942">Max: What are you going to show me? What the--what are you going to show me? No, no, no, no. If you burn it, I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it, I'll send Julie back to Europe...don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't do it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] ...I'll shove it up my butt. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, shove it up your-- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm going to shove it up my butt...But I have to divide it. <font color="#D44942">Max: No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You want me to shove it up my butt, the whole thing? <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, and don't— And don't take it out, just shove it up until...do it in a video. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sighing and rustling] <font color="#D44942">Max: And make sure you take pictures! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [more rustling] <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, get this! [laughing] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sighing] <font color="#D44942">Max: Actually, Chris--Chris, no, no, no. I decided--yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky. You have to cut it up first. So yeah, you can pull your pants right up. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Uhhh— <font color="#D44942">Max: No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] No. Just let me cut it. <font color="#D44942">Max: Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting... <font color="#D44942">Max: [slips into his Massachusetts accent] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Terrible. <font color="#D44942">Max: How does it feel? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Harsh. Cold. <font color="#D44942">Max: [mocking] "Cold." <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Heartless. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, me? I'm heartless? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. This act, I'm calling it heartless. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: While you're thinking, this will help. Call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ya fucking douchebag! <font color="#D44942">Max: [''A dog goes "AWOWOWOWOWO!" in the background''] You suck. You suck...nigger dicks. I have a nigger, you know. I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, so you said "yes". I'll call him. Hey, Darnell. Darnell, come over here. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. I said no! <font color="#D44942">Max: This guy wants to suck your dick! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I said NO!!! <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, I think Darnell is too, umm— I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I said— I said— I said NO!!! <font color="#D44942">Max: No you didn't, I— I heard yes. Darnell— Darnell, I think he said "yes". He said "yes", Darnell. Yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I said no! I said no! <font color="#D44942">Max: Um, fine, shit all over your butt. Whatever. Darnell's going to watch, though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sighing, grunting] <font color="#D44942">Max: Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this. Also, while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] No, this is bad enough. <font color="#D44942">Max: Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sighing and rattling] <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] No problem, I've got the camera on. <font color="#D44942">Max: So wait, you're recording this, too? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, God! You're recording it AND you're showing it live? Really? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#D44942">Max: That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on Skype. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sighing and rattling] <font color="#D44942">Max: Wait, are you recording it right now? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#D44942">Max: OK, so, yeah, we saw you cu— The camera saw you cutting? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, that's...wonderful. [laughs] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt. Can you say one thing? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? <font color="#D44942">Max: Say that you love fat cocks up your ass. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh, system beep] Can I talk to Julie? <font color="#D44942">Max: After you do this, yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: After I shove this up my rump? <font color="#D44942">Max: Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass." <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Up my ass. <font color="#D44942">Max: Up your ass. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: After I shove this up my ass. <font color="#D44942">Max: Hey, Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!", okay? You have to do this, or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there, and while you do it, say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: [singing] I see a [unintelligible] of a man. It's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [laughing] Come on, hurry up. Oh, God, it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, goddammit. Oh, goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...Maybe. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, really? Tell me the— Tell me the truth. Did you? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Whatever, just— Just— Yeah, just— Put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just— Just— Just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long, please. [laughing] Insert Rod A into Slot B. Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [laughing] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up. Shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE!!! Yes, yes. Please! Please, do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [groan] I'm tired. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [uncomfortable groaning] <font color="#D44942">Max: How does this make you feel, Chris? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [grunt] Miserable. <font color="#D44942">Max: How miserable? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Totally miserable. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, really? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, that's too bad! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [grunting] <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, you sound like Chewbacca's taking a shit. [does a Chewbacca impression] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [does his own Chewbacca impression] <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, no, no, no. Just— Just— Just shut up. Shut up. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, I stop what? <font color="#D44942">Max: I said shut up. Don't— Don't even ruin Chewbacca. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: You miserable pile of dick. Err! Oh, God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor Sonichu is going to look like Brownichu. Troll: '''BlueSpike. No. More.''' <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [groan] <font color="#D44942">Max: Brown-Stain Sonichu, with the power to cha— <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [painful groaning] <font color="#D44942">Max: [mocking groaning] Keep going. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [painful groaning] Troll 2: BlueSpike, stop that shit. Troll 3: This is awful. <font color="#D44942">Max: [background noise of small dog barking and door shutting] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [groaning] It don't wanna go in. <font color="#D44942">Max: What? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: It don't wanna go in. In there. <font color="#D44942">Max: Then keep trying. Make some room in there. Troll: BlueSpike, stop this shit. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [painful grunt] Troll: Stop it. Really. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, fine. Stop. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Stop? <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah, sure. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [groan] <font color="#D44942">Max: Don't take 'em out, though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Alright. <font color="#D44942">Max: Now pull your pants up. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: One second. Troll: Blue, let him... <font color="#D44942">Max: Yo, Chris, this is what I strive for. Watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing, now that I've seen it. [laughs] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Troll: Blue, tell him he can take it out. Troll: Goddammit, BlueSpike. God damn. <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughs] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Be right back. Excuse me. <font color="#D44942">Max: Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I just want to wash my hands! <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, no. You can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands, I will not send Julie to Europe. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: You cannot wash your hands. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can go wash my hands? <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, I said don't! Don't! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)
<font color="#D44942">Max: How does it feel, Chris? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Terrible. <font color="#D44942">Max: Really? How terrible? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ass-stinkingly terrible. <font color="#D44942">Max: You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, this is enough. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, no, no. You're not the one making the choices. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [long sigh] Enough. <font color="#D44942">Max: Chris, how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick— <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots, you fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do? What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What do I want to do? <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah— No, no, no. I mean, what could you do that might amuse me? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What could I do that might amuse you...? <font color="#D44942">Max: I have a good idea, Chris! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Actually, I just thought of something. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, no. I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Well, I don't— I told you, I can't— I could not find any matches at this time. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the— Go to the store and get some matches then. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [sings] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—" <font color="#D44942">Max: No! Shut up, just shut up, just shut the fuck up! [laughs] Shut the fuck up! Shut the FUCK up! I have a good idea: burn your house down. Troll: Goddammit, you idiot! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, I'm not going to burn my house down. <font color="#D44942">Max: Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I just want Julie over here. <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] If I burn my house down, then we— Then she won't have a place to come to. <font color="#D44942">Max: You have a point, you have a point. Chris, there is something— There is something... Troll: BlueSpike. Stop it.

Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)
<font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the Mumble. Julie's going to talk to you there, it's important. Troll: Ten points. Troll: Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted. Troll: Augh, BlueSpike... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, unfortunately I cannot— <font color="#D44942">Max: No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it— <font color="#D44942">Max: Then use the PSEye, that's the only chance you have. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not— I'm gonna tell Julie. I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure it's you. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] Fine. <font color="#D44942">Max: Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, yeah. <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the PSEye, get the PSEye... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hang on, hang on. <font color="#D44942">Max: No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm gonna get the PSEye. <font color="#D44942">Max: I'm gonna kick you in the PSEye if you don't shut up. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm gonna get the PSEye. <font color="#D44942">Max: You better, or I'm gonna have to drop your ass. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No. Just...sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSEye. Alright? <font color="#D44942">Max: Fine. Yes. And make sure that it works before you come in Mumble. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#D44942">Max: If I may say one thing, Chris? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? <font color="#D44942">Max: You're a bitch. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, I'm just trying to find— I'm just trying to...do a— I've just proven I can do most anything for my true love. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright, then, get in Mumble. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright, I'm gettin'— Alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[unintelligible] <font color="#D44942">Max: There we go. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here. <font color="#D44942">Max: Gonna kick you in the twist-tie. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh, then long silence] Working on this. <font color="#D44942">Max: What's on the TV, Chris? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I've just turned it on to the Cartoon Network, whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it, anyway. [At 41:31, you can hear what vaguely sounds like "Have I Told You Lately" by Rod Stewart, likely due to him turning his radio on] Alright, I'm tryin' for you— Tryin' to make this work. [heavy sigh, then more silence] Walter Grisby, do... I'm testing— I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in. <font color="#D44942">Max: Does it work? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [snippy] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware. It's waiting to find software for this hardware. <font color="#D44942">Max: Software for the hardware? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. That's what I just said: software for the hardware. <font color="#D44942">Max: Yes... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software. <font color="#D44942">Max: And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work: the Hey You, Pikachu! mike. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Still didn't hear you, what did you say? <font color="#D44942">Max: And you don't have any other microphone that works? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: At this time, I do not. <font color="#D44942">Max: You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: Chris? Chris! Troll: BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: What're you doing, taking a dump? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [angry] No, I'm trying to turn my chair around so I can turn the volume down on the radio! <font color="#D44942">Max: [laughing] You're so fuckin' whiny! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [drowned out by Max briefly] ...behind me! It could— It could fall on to me any second! <font color="#D44942">Max: Oh, I hope it does! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: [mocking sigh] What's wrong now, Chrissy? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm working on it! <font color="#D44942">Max: Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Let me tell you something, I've still got the— I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts! <font color="#D44942">Max: I wasn't... I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about asking you to burn your house down. I'm sorry. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#D44942">Max: There. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Fine. <font color="#D44942">Max: And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#D44942">Max: Apology accepted? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pause] Yes. <font color="#D44942">Max: Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here! I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">Max: [sigh] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm working on it! <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, you're not working fast enough! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I can't help this computer's speed! <font color="#D44942">Max: Do you know how to get the mike working? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm trying to get a mike working! <font color="#D44942">Max: I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [whines] I'm trying! <font color="#D44942">Max: Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hold on a second. <font color="#D44942">Max: We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait... <font color="#D44942">Max: Well, what're you going through? Audio Wizard? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I got something working. <font color="#D44942">Max: What would that be? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: A mike. <font color="#D44942">Max: So, it's working? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble. <font color="#D44942">Max: Alright. Julie will meet you there. [suppressed laugh] Goodbye.

Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)
<font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hi, hi, hi. I'm gonna put my earphones on. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Hi. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Hey! <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Hey. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Um, Chris... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Julie? <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes? <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright, uh, yes, uh, go ahead and tell me now. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Do you really wanna know? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: [sigh] I can't, not right now. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: C'mon, please? <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: No. I can't. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you just now. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Why, what happened? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Oooh, this is so hard for me to say. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You love me, don't you? <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't... I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes? Female Troll: Blue, he's not there. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Fuuuuck! Troll: Give him some time. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Chris... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Yeah, I-I came back now, I won— I wonder what happened there. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: I don't know, but this is... Can you talk with the fans for, like, 5 minutes? And then I'll tell you, please? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, I'm sorry, could you... <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: Actually, no. No, I'm ready to tell you. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#CC00FF">Julie: This whole time, Chris... You've been... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: ...Having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you sick fuck! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yeah. I'm a 13-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to Chris Hansen, you fuckin' pedofork, so you better get the fuck out now— <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: —before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Now, wait a minute— <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: I'd hurry. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I did not— I did not know you were a 13-year-old. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yes you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Fine, I'll lea— <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Tell me, Chris, now— No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait. Now, I'm— Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip. Now, I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] How do you explain...? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [whispers] She died 5 years ago. Who have you been talking to? A BOY! Tell me, Chris. You know, I... Yes, please do speak. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, what do you want me to tell you? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a 13-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [shell-shocked monotone] I do not. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I feel terrible. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I feel terrible. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you— If you really want your self-dignity... If you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: So, what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [massive sigh] Fine, how about this. I take a— <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all. Clyde? <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: What up? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yes... He finally found out he was - I expected a bit more of a shitstorm - that he's been having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy like a sick fuck. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Whatever. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[mocking kiddie voice] a boyfriend-free girl? Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Hello, hello, Chris. On that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone. We were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But... <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Yeah, there is. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: There was, but she died. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Yeah, we don't have to go with the "died" part, she's real— She actually is in Ohio, but... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Let me tell you something, Chris. About the wildfires I told you about, I truly was the one who started them. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Okay. Now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing... Troll: Yeah, this is going kinda crazy. I mean, you sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I thought— I thought she— I thought... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: You just sound— I know what a woman sounds like! [explosion of disbelief from all listeners] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: No, no, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up and let me talk to him. Shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want? Do you want your PSN back? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh, c'mon, please? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: No, it's gonna be sold. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay. I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your PS3. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow, but it was all fake. It was all, all fake. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris... <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: [talking over BlueSpike] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker Shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole Internet life has been a lie. There are no Sonichu fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm listening. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me... <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times. What is this, the ninth time so far? <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: I think it's the tenth, actually. <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [chorus of "JULAAAY" from the trolls] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie. You disgust me... <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty sad. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yeah. "Gimme back my account, you fucking dick!" <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Look, Chris, you can appeal to your— What's left of your fans, at least... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm not crying! <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yes you are, you pathetic fuck. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am not! <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike. You're a little too mean... Well, whatever. <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: You're right. If I may inform you, Chris. I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase? <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: That is true, but there's also... Oh, yeah, that's hilarious! Anna, by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it... <font color="#4DBD33">Clyde: You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times... And you still believed... <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: [mocking] "I believe you, because I've heard your honest and true voice!" <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Goodbye. [hangs up] <font color="#D44942">BlueSpike: I think we hurt him pretty bad. Troll: Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there. Female Troll: Can I...stop the recording now? [Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old Duke Nukem meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".] Female Troll: Stop, stop, stop, stop...! Troll: Ballsballsballsballsballsballs. Female Troll: Can I stop recording? [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']