Little Tomboy Blue

Little Tomboy Blue (leaked as urqehgvuierg) is a horrifying video of Chris stripping for his sweetheart Jackie to musical accompaniment, leaked on 25 February 2012.

Chris, in full tomgirl garb, uses his PS3 to play "Fuck the Pain Away" by electroclash artist Peaches as he poorly imitates traditional stripper mannerisms. Interspersed in the actual song are his made-up lyrics, mostly nonsensical exclamations of his tomgirl pride. As the video progresses, Chris sheds more and more of his clothing, eventually revealing his muscle bra and panties, with his abdominal flab spilling over the waistline. At points in the video, Chris turns his backside toward the camera and pulls down the panties to jiggle his fat ass. Toward the end, Chris removes his bra and slowly massages his nipples while repeatedly uttering the song's final chorus, thus ensuring that all of our recurring nightmares are replaced by Stripping Chris himself.

It is unknown whether or not Jackie explicitly requested this video, or Chris taped it as a spontaneous "gift". However, unaware that most strippers are not only thin but also women, Chris's hamfisted attempt at impressing Jackie instead comes across as thoroughly disgusting and creepy. Many Relics of Fail are visible in this video, including several Sonichu cutouts, and the original Attraction Sign from 2003, which, evidently, Chris has found important enough to have kept taped to his wall almost nine years later.

Transcript
Little Tomboy Blue? Come blow my horn.

''[Chris begins to perform an awkward dance to "Fuck the Pain Away". He reaches over to grab an unidentifiable object, a substitute for a stripper’s pole, and attempts to entice the audience with a more suggestive dance. In usual Chris fashion, he begins to sing.]'' Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my Chrissy behind

It's fine all of the time

Like sex on the beaches

What else is in the teaches of the tomgirls! Huh? What?

[During this time, he begins to raise his shirt up, displaying a taste of the horrors within.]

[Forgets the first few words, and stumbles on several lines.] ... on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my Chrissy behind [Slaps his rear.]

It's fine all of the time

What else is in the teaches of Tomgirls?

Like sex on the beaches, huh? What?

[At this point, he managed to remove his shirt and now he swings it around as though he were arousing his audience.]

Huh? Right. What? Uhh...

Huh? What? Right. Uhh...

''[He throws the shirt toward the camera, resuming the painfully long striptease. Following this, he lifts up his sports bra to give an eyeful of one manboob to the world. For a moment or two, he fondles it, giving orgasm faces to the camera. Thankfully, Chris puts the bra back on for the time being.]''

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

''[He sounds somewhat winded during this bit, and he sets his eyes on a new goal. Rocking his hips, he appears to struggle a tad with his jeans, awkwardly pulling them slightly down before pulling them back up. Eventually, he manages to slip them off and drops them in front of the camera.]''

S.I.S. I.U.D., stay in school 'cause it's the best

I.U.D. S.I.S., stay in school 'cause it's the best

I.U.D. S.I.S., stay in school 'cause it's the best

I.U.D. S.I.S., stay in school 'cause it's the best

Sucking' on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my Chrissy behind [slaps his rear again.]

It's fine all of the time

Like sex on the beaches

What else is in the teaches of tomgirls? Huh? What?

''[Horrifically, he begins to thrust his hips more prominently than before. Obviously growing tired, his hips begin to gyrate, repeatedly flashing the audience his ass. At one point, Chris attempts to lift both legs to waist height. He has to grab them with his arms to accomplish this, and immediately grimaces with the pain of physical effort.]''

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

[Begins singing the lyrics early.] Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh.

Huh? What? Right. Uhh.

''[He is now fondling his manboobs underneath the bra. With his back turned, slowly struggling some, he begins removing his sports bra to display his 42-inch bust to the world.]''

What else in the teaches of tomgirls?

Like sex on the beaches

Huh? What? Right. Uhh.

''[After throwing the bra toward the camera, he has a delayed reaction with what he was doing, and covers his chest with his arms. Chris then proceeds to squeeze his breasts together for massive cleavage results.]''

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.