Bob Walks In Aftermath

Bob Walks In Aftermath is a conversation that took place on 14 February 2009 between Chris and Julie, shortly after his cybersex session was cut down by the internet lumberjack. Julie is inaudible throughout, being only heard in several, nails-on-a-chalkboard squeaks and whistles.

It is notable that Chris ends the call after saying "Ickvenschwel. Ickvenschwel with my heart." before making a series of sounds which vaguely resemble kissing noises. The (fictional) Molvanîan word "Ickvenschwel" ("I love you") sounds close to the German phrase "Ich bin schwul", which was famously used by an openly gay mayor of Berlin by the name of Klaus Wowereit. It is also notable that it translates to "I am gay", which just goes to show how naive Chris is when it comes to other languages.

Transcript
Hello, Julie. Now listen, you have to talk to me, I'm calling you from my PSP. It does not accept typed feedback. [pause]

Yeah, sorry about that my dad just--my dad--ah, you're right, I should have answered the phone. My dad got some ca--that--calls from a troll, claiming that I was going to commit suicide on YouTube.

[brief squeaky pause; sigh] That bastard. Oh well, at least I--at least I still have my PSP so I can call you on that. My dad shut down the computer and he doesn't want me back on there.

[pause] Yeah, I still got my PS3, and the wi-fi, and my PSP. So, between them I'm--I'm o--between them, I'm okay. But I can, uh, if you want, uh, want us to do, uh, if you want us to do like, our cybersex we're definitely going to have to go audio. Audio only no--I, yeah, so...what's that? [brief pause and more squeaking] Yeah that's gonna take awhile. 'Cause, you know, he's not- y-you should see- he's old, and he cannot take things as easily as, uh the younger generation can. Anyway, I also- I also had like a chat window set up in the PS3, uh, just after father interrupted and I sent you a chat invite. But then I remembered- then I remembered just a few--just a few moments ago the PSN on my PSP, so I called you on here.

[squeaky pause] Yeah...yeah, he just said, "Just leave me--Just leave me alone." Next to go but...na-[gasp; brief squeaky pause] Then I'll wake my mother up, but uh, he woke her up, and then she came upstairs...about just after I had opened the chat window on my PS3...and uh...ah, I basically described to her what I--described to her what I was doing without saying "masturbation" or "cybersex".

[squeaky pause] Only my moth--only my mother knows about it. And she had--she has this thing against, uh, she has this thing in her mind against, uh, being able to believe people on--people over the internet and falling in love with them so easily. [squeak] Yeah, so I don't say--so that's why I didn't say anything about that to her at this time, even though she would have been--she would have been open-minded about it since I have told her previously about my mass durbation.

[squeaky pause] I told my mother about you, yeah. [more squeaks] Uh, she says she'll believe it when, uh, if she sees you in person. [squeaky pause; sigh] Yeah, and I think she...[pause] yeah...yeah Clyde or some other troll but more likely Clyde. [pause] Uh, I don't know, I do not answer the phone but my mom said that she heard the voice before on the telephone, 'cause she must have picked it up at one time. And she said that she had heard the voice before. But then my father picked it up, then you know what happened. [rustling; another squeaky pause; sigh] Yeah he's just real mad. He gets riled up very easily in the nighttime. [squeaky pause] What am I gonna do now? Hmmm. Well pretty much now, my erection has, uh, been undone and I'm not feeling in the mood for it right now, but you know hey, on the bright side, we still have our Sunday Valentine's Day Date in LittleBig--in LittleBigPlanet.

[squeaky pause] What? [brief squeaky pause] Yeah. Maybe we can chat on the PSN or through Skype through my PSP here. [brief whistly pause] 'Cause I'm not sure on this, the time anyway. [brief squeaky pause] I just mean it causes stress, it is, I mean--you know I was feeling so elated and father came in and made me feel embarrassed and got me all keyed up with stress. [squeaky pause; midway through this pause, we hear a noise very similar to a notification reminder] Hmm...I'm not sure how to explain it to him, 'cause I never told him about my masturbation. [pause] And he's not very--he's not as open-minded as my mother is about the subject. [pause] Mmm.

So, I think, uhh, you know that at this point if you are cybersex through audio only you either through the PSN or Skype right here. [squeaky pause] Your brother doesn't like to--your brother doesn't like to hear your erotic moaning? [brief whistly pause] H--he told you that? [squeaky pause] Oh...ohhhh. Hmm. [squeaky pause] Oh. I see. Hmm.

[brief squeaky pause] No. I don't know, that--never thought that would've crossed my mind...I mean--I mean, uhh...I-I would say for most men that, uhh...well, still, I mean they'd say to distance myself, but...you know, I'd rather this went on until--on until Mumble or whatever...fo--for sure. Then, the--then, I don't make an assumption. Yeah, 'cause I just, well, I just don't make an assumption...off the bat about the orientation. [''pause; sigh; Chris then makes some strange noises that almost sound like he's moaning. Another pause''] So...hmm. Uh, y-y-so, y-so [unintelligible] so if he ever did talk to you about your erotic moaning, so--y--y--so you didn't really talk to your brother about you doing that with me? And that we were in love. You didn't talk to him? [long squeaky pause] Alright. [attempts to talk, sighs] Okay. Alright, so- alright, so, uh, let me do that in the what? [squeaky pause] Oh, in this house. [squaky pause] Hmm.

Well, h--you know what? You know that I have, uh, watched a romantic comedy where the older--where there's, like, an older brother and a younger sister going out with this guy. Something like that, I'm sure that they made a romantic comedy about that...and, uh, like you know, he can watch that and see how it's better for us and an adventure if he, like, accepts it...mmm, I think, uh, I think he's probably--I mean, I'm thinking that he's probably in, uh, deni--in, uh, denial on that road to, like, give you--give you up seriously to me just yet. He still hasn't accepted that thoroughly. That's what I think, anyway. Yeah? [long pause]

Hey, I still love you, and you're coming to visit me at least, right? [brief pause] Mmmkay. [squeaky pause] Help me search for a job. Oh yeah, I'm having, uh, actually I'm searching for volunteer work that pays, and I'm having Rocky help me with that. I called her the other day and told her that I put more effort into that for me. And, uh, I'm doing my part as well. I'm searching like, local news magazines like, uh, The Hook. [brief pause] It's a...[squeak]...local...news magazine, newsletter. You know, it's not newspaper, but it's printed on such paper, and it's usually distributed for free? You probably have something, like--you probably have something like that in your state, yeah?

[brief squeaky pause] I love you, too. Ickvenschwel, Julie. [brief squaky pause] I will never forget that. Ickvenschwel, Julie. Ickvenschwel. Ickvenschwel with my heart... all right. [makes several kissing noises until the tape ends]