Pedo-Glasses

"My frames are good; they look good to me, and they are the best fit for my lenses anyway."

- Chris, on his choice of eyewear.



The Pedo-Glasses is the colloquial name for Chris's classic aviator spectacles, the appearance of which has been described as recalling some form of sexual deviant, such as a pedofork.

Glasses
Chris claims in his diary that he began wearing glasses on 2 February 1998 because of nearsightedness. He was diagnosed by his ophthalmologist half-brother David Alan Chandler. Not long after, he had an altercation with a black kid on the school bus and his glasses were knocked off his face and possibly broken, depending on the version of the story. Confusingly, Chris has stated that the bus incident occurred during his freshman year of high school (1996-97), suggesting that the date in his diary is probably wrong and that he really began wearing glasses in February 1997.

The classic frames which Chris was wearing at the time of his discovery were double-bridged (to reduce damage induced by fits of tard rage) and somewhat oversized, their roundness emphasizing Chris's pudgy face and generally rotund form. He got them at Wal-Mart. The earpieces were connected by a string attachment that nobody else under the age of sixty would use.

Often these type of frames and lenses are among the few cheap pairs available by default to patients if they want to utilize their Social Security Disability Insurance on vision benefits. Of course, many tend to spend some extra cash on a much better pair of frames, but Chris has better things to buy.

Chris thought the glasses looked good on him, calling them "Respectable Frames." He also justified them with the argument that "they are the best fit for my lenses anyway." Though some stronger prescriptions do require bigger frames to accommodate thicker lenses, standard prescription spectacles could be ground down to fit any glasses Chris desires.

Nevertheless, Chris has always been somewhat self-conscious about his glasses. He worried that his "needed-to-see-a-far-distance glasses" made it difficult for women to notice his "handsome face." He does not wear them for dating profile photos.

While Chris's LittleBigPlanet avatar wears glasses, Comic Chris almost never does, though no one knows why. It could be that he finds drawing the glasses to be stressful, or that his self-image is stuck in early 1998. Perhaps Chris's idealized self has 20-20 vision? Sammy, a more accurate representation of the real Chris than Comic Chris, does wear glasses. They aren't pedo-glasses, though.

In a video diatribe against the trolls he defensively stammered:

"I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. Take it or leave it, losers! It m--it helps me see better...see more detail...and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together...out of your own ego that you so richly...consume of."

- You tell 'em, Chris.

In a couple of videos posted in October 2010, it appeared that Chris had wrapped tape over the bridge of his glasses. The tape was later replaced by a more permanent solution in the form of a nose-piece crafted with CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC. How exactly his frames broke in the first place is unknown. The MovingForward Videos show that Chris sometimes stores his glasses in his back pocket, though, so it's not entirely unlikely that he simply forgot they were there and sat on them.

The Tomgirl Pictures indicated that by April 2011 he had gotten a new pair just as cheap as the first. Alas, these glasses, which Chris describes as "$324 Rx lens glasses," were broken by the jerkops while Chris was resisting arrest on 28 October 2011.

Amazingly, in You're Always Pretty, leaked in February 2012, Barb is seen wearing Chris's old Pedo-Glasses, clearly identifiable by the blue Crayola Model Magic bridge. Hoarders gotta hoard.

In May 2012, a Facebook profile pic showed that Chris had replaced the Pedo-Glasses with a relatively normal pair; unfortunately, this improvement was offset by his being a creepy Tomgirl with awful hair. He seems to have managed to hold onto this pair into 2015. On special occasions, though, like gay pride festivals and assaults, he sports a pair of plastic My Little Pony goggles.

Dramatic glasses removal
Chris has been known to emphatically remove his glasses from his face for dramatic effect in his videos, often putting them on just so he can tear them off again, like the manchild version of David Caruso. (For a useful example in context, see his video from 27 May 2010, where he removes his glasses, puts them back on, and removes them again within the space of less than thirty seconds.) For the record, throwing down and removing a pair of glasses in the manner Chris does is an excellent way to damage them.

In various videos Chris also appears to take his glasses off and throw them to the floor. This was particularly common during his feud with Liquid Chris, when the dispute over his identity had him especially wound up — see here and here for examples.