Sonichu 6

"WabbaDabbaSpleeDoo06"

- Chris's title for his file of the comic

Sonichu #6 is the seventh issue of the Sonichu comic book series. By this point, Chris seems to have realized that dividing his comics into episodes is pointless if the episodes all run seamlessly together, so the storyline of CWCville's battle with PVCC is confined to a single, lengthy, Episode 14.

However, shortly before beginning work on this issue, Chris's beloved dog Patti was euthanized on 27 June 2006. Distraught by these events, Chris sought to make the lead story in this issue a tribute to Patti that would create a new life for her as a regular character in CWCville. Since Sonichu #5 ended on a cliffhanger with Episode 13, "One Lucky Dog" is set before that story, and labeled as Episode 12.5. The blend between cartoon and real-life is perhaps one of the most interesting and experimental things that Chris has done with the comic (and, in the case of the "experimental" tag, in general), and Chris would later incorporate this concept in Sonichu #10 and #11.

Chris again let this issue languish for months before finally completing it several days before his twenty-fifth birthday. He was apparently motivated to finish so that he could include the gratuitous shill for his impending DVD.

Overview


While it sticks to most of the usual Sonichu formulas, Sonichu #6 does distinguish itself from its predecessors, mostly in Episode 12.5.

Chris had inserted photographs of himself into cartoon backgrounds before, most notably in the original jewel case art for which he created the Sonichu character. In Sonichu #6, Chris broadens his experiments with a style, blending cartoon characters with photographs of himself and his home. This style returns in Sonichu #10, with some differences. In Sonichu #6, the Patti-Chan character is a cartoon existing in the 'real world,' and Chris becomes a cartoon when he enters CWCville. In Sonichu #10, a 'real world' CWC exists in the cartoon CWCville.

Despite the extensive use of photography in the first half of the story, no photographer is credited. Chris is usually quick to credit people who 'assist' in the production of a Sonichu episode because it makes him look like he has friends, so the implication here is that he took the photos himself.

Sonichu #6 is also a departure in emotional depth, compared to previous issues. While the others are generally limited to one-dimensional characters and narcissistic monologues, in Sonichu #6 Chris works through a real and empathetic event: the death of his dog. Of course, the fact that Chris essentially uses the comic to bring a dead dog back to life kind of ruins it, it's still much better than Mary Lee Walsh the witch-bitch.

The final page of the episode is a formal dedication to Patti, with a memorial photograph, birth, and death dates. This is interesting because it is generally difficult to determine just how grounded in reality Chris's mind is. In some cases, such as the BILLY MAYS coup, Chris doesn't respect any line between reality and the CWCville universe: there IS a Mayor of CWCville, and the Mayor IS Chris. This page, on the other hand, is a concrete example of Chris separating reality from fiction.

This contrasts sharply with how he memorialized the deaths of the women who loved him, where he callously recreated their horrific deaths in a comic format as a means of removing them from his comic.

Since Sonichu #5 ended on a cliffhanger, this story is set between Episodes 12 and 13 of that issue.

Synopsis
Chris's dog, Patti, is old and suffering from an "itchy" rump. She looks up at the full Moon and wishes for the ability to walk and talk like Chris, that she might thank him for his years of kindness. After baying at the Moon, Patti eats some grass in the backyard, unknowingly catching a in her teeth. When she lies down and sleeps, the magic power of moonbeams casts some sort of spell onto her.

The following day, Chris emerges from his house to feed Patti, only to discover her transformed into an anthropomorphic dog-creature. When Patti speaks aloud for the first time, both she and Chris are shocked. Patti realizes her wish came true, although neither she nor Chris knows how this has happened, and nobody asks any questions.

After a snack and a bath, Chris gives Patti a clover medallion, and a green sash to cover her dog junk. Together, they sit on a bench, swing outside, and Patti thanks Chris for everything. Rejuvenated by her transformation, Patti expresses a desire to roam the world beyond her pen but doesn't know where to go. After considering the matter for a moment, Chris decides to take her to CWCville, where she can wander the city without frightening the populace. Unlike Ruckersville, CWCville's citizens are used to monstrous man-beasts wandering their city and living off of welfare.

To get to CWCville, Chris leads Patti into his house (apparently for the first time), and takes her to his bedroom. Using his Nintendo DS, Chris opens a portal that leads into his mayoral office in CWCville Mall. Patti wonders how Chris can run CWCville from his home in Ruckersville, but Chris explains that most of the work is handled by his secretary Allison Amber, who coordinates with Chris using a satellite link-up to his DS.

Chris provides Patti with a scepter and bracelets, each imbued with a portion of his own power, to defend herself from CWCville's enemies. He also gives her a "Golden CWCville Card"--a debit card of sorts--and a cell phone in case of emergencies. After an emotional embrace, Patti wanders off on her own.

Advertisement
Are you ready to ROCK? An ad for Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.

Overview
In the original artwork, Chris managed to misspell his backward-named nemesis's middle name. After what must have been nearly 9,000 hours in MS Paint, "Notsow" was hamfistedly altered to "Notsew." Then the page was even more hamfistedly omitted from the CWCipedia, probably because it is so sexually charged that it might turn Chris into a homo if he even glances at it. Either that, or he's retarded and didn't check to see that he double-posted page 31.

Synopsis
Continuing from Episode 13's cliffhanger, Mary Lee Walsh gloats over her imprisonment of Crystal in the dark mirror. Patti-Chan and Darkbind Sonichu arrive to steal the Mirror away from Walsh. Distracted, Walsh is easily defeated by Sailor Megtune, and is forced to retreat.

The heroes return to Christian's mayoral office, where Christian and Magi-Chan work on ways to retrieve Crystal from the mirror. While they wait for da update, they begin to discuss irrelevant subjects. Bubbles and Angelica segue within the space of a sentence from grave concern over Crystal to discussing Bionic's great basketball skills.

Meanwhile, Megagi is forced to act as a mouthpiece for Chris and goes on a verbose, unprompted spiel about how "some men" are justified in hating the entire male population. Patti remarks that Chris "was" this way, but since Megan came into the picture he's been "kind and sweet at heart". Chris was drawing graphic pornography of Megan around the time of this issue. In a rare moment of reader pathos, Punchy blatantly accuses Patti of being biased towards Chris. Patti attempts to counter this by saying she loves Chris, which for some reason chastises Punchy.

Chris then literally screams at everyone to be quiet, and Magi-Chan announces that the only hope to save Crystal are the seven Sonichu Balls, of which they only currently possess one. However, the attractive properties of the balls cause Magi-Chan to realize that Darkbind has two hidden balls with him. He also mentions that the Chaos Emeralds will have a similar effect, which is presumable given that the Sonichu Balls are carbon copies of them. Conveniently for the reader, Darkbind in an internal monologue explains precisely why he needs the seven Balls; his gal-pal Zelina was cursed with a sleep from which she cannot wake.

Conveniently enough, a fourth Ball is revealed when Black Sonichu and a mysterious heterochromic green Sonichu commit a daring daylight robbery of the Kay Jewelers store in the CWCville Mall, a mere floor below the protagonists. Somehow, the villains have learned of the Sonichu Ball's presence there and have stolen it as part of a larger scheme of world domination. Why a Pokéball was being sold at a jeweler is not addressed. Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu have soon teleported to the scene, but the combined power of the evil Sonichus is too great. The green Sonichu envelops Chris in a dark dimension and explains that he is Reldnahc Ha-Taque Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog form of Naitsirhc Giovanni. When Chris was briefly submerged in the Dark Mirror Hole, this caused a Dark Sonichu Medallion to be created, awakening sleeping evil powers within Naitsirhc, such as the ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Now realized as the evil, opposite counterpart to Chris, he has dubbed himself as Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.

When Reldnahc reverts to human form, the reader sees that he has become an inverse of Chris - heterochromia of two colors Chris evidently believes oppose his own on the color wheel (they don't), torn jeans and a green harness which Chris evidently believes is indicative of being a homo. His skin and hair are identical to Chris's own, which isn't saying much given that Chris only has about three Crayolas to choose from in the skin and hair color department. Despite being trapped in a nightmarish lightless prison, Chris dedicates an entire page to how horrified he is, not by the situation he's in, but at the sight of Reldnahc's semi-exposed chest.

Meanwhile, a mere two meters above (but evidently too far away to help), Magi-Chan and Sonichu rather informally demand an explanation from Black Sonichu, who explains that Naitsirhc has become far more evil and ruthless since his transformation (the reader has no context for this). He (Naitsirhc) has completely abandoned his adoptive father Giovanni, and while Black Sonichu has followed him out of loyalty, Naitsirhc has tormented him constantly in return, tyrannically going so far as putting whipped cream in his rocket shoes.

Suddenly everybody's best friend, Black Sonichu asks his former enemies about the "lucious" Bubbles, having presumably developed romantic feelings for her while she was attempting to beat him to death a few issues prior.

Back on the first floor, Christian and Reldnahc, as Chris-Chan Sonichu and Reldnahc Ha-Taque, begin a pitched battle, racing across CWCville at high speeds, proving to be evenly matched. Christian, as ever, attempts to fight dirty, but his kick to Reldnahc's groin is thwarted by the homo undergarments Reldnahc is wearing.

Reldnahc finally gains the upper hand, blasting Chris into the gym of Manchester High School, incapacitating him. But before Reldnahc can deliver the final blow using his Sonichu Ball, a basketball strikes Reldnahc, causing his head to hit the bleachers, knocking him out. Christian awakes and is told that Bionic the Hedgehog saved him from certain doom and that Reldnahc, who possesses incredible supernatural powers, has sustained a brain injury from bumping his head on a bleacher and is now consequently in a coma.

Bionic gives Chris the Sonichu Ball Reldnahc had stolen, and (shattering the fourth wall yet again) asks him to provide him with a fictional girlfriend, just as Chris created Rosechu to be Sonichu's personal semen receptacle. Too lazy to do even that, Chris tells Bionic to hook up with one of Megan's characters.

Christian then launches into an advertisement for his homemade DVD "Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)". He gives a long and tedious sales pitch, even though he has no intention of making it available outside of his own circle of acquaintances.

A mere ten weeks into his basketball-induced coma, presumably after several of the events in Sonichu #7, Reldnahc awakens in the hospital, with white-hot hatred for Bionic...

Analysis
This episode brings about a new story arc for the series, The Sonichu Balls, which is just Chris's lame version of the Chaos Emeralds. Reldnahc is an extremely homophobic stereotype, and what the hell does Ha-Taque even mean?

CWC's Art Gallery!
"Bionic Over Autism", a drawing Chris shat out on February 24, 1999.

Back Cover Ad
Sonichu Adventure gets a final run. It'll be replaced by an ad for CWC's Adult Chronicles in Sonichu #7.