Jackie E-mails 11

This page covers emails exchanged between Chris and Jackie from 28 August to 31 August 2010. Chris smashes his PS3, but is traumatized by the loss of his beloved HONEST and TRUE love. He is in a panic to replace it at first opportunity, and cheats on its still-warm corpse with that slut, Nintendo Wii. His stupidity makes his mother cry, but she still buys him a new console.

To fulfill Jackie's request that he draw a "circlejerk," Chris honors his Cherokee heritage by drawing a picture of Indians masturbating around Jackie and himself. Jackie is not satisfied by this "cheat," and requests a replacement drawing. He again fails by drawing a mixed scene of men and women; he is very reluctant to draw the pickles.

Chris also has a confusing "Prince and the Pauper" dream.

August 28, 2010 - 5:33pm

Hey, Chris.

Hey, you know, it looked like you weren't hitting the PS3 as hard as you could in the video. I think you need to do a much better job if you want that reward money.

I found this video of a girl destroying her PS3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJVBsUX-zCM Look at how she does it and take notes. She's like one third your size but she manages to put some effort into it.

Take it outside again, but this time, really smash it up. Take apart all of the components and smash them individually. The trolls aren't going to believe it's truly destroyed, so they might not pay you until you actually destroy it. So here's what you do: make another video wherein you put it on your driveway, and run it over with you car. Run it over a few times, back and forth, just to ensure. And then, you know what you could do? Tie it to the back of your car, and then set your camera onto your back seat so that as you drive along, they can see the ruined remains of the PS3 being dragged on the road. I mean, this is a lot of money, you can afford to put some effort in it.

Oh crap, I was just going to talk about some other stuff but I forgot what time it was, I have to go out. But hey, get the new video done as soon as you can. I look forward to seeing it!

XOXO

Jackie@undefined

August 29, 2010 - 4:16pm

Wow Chris, that's a neat drawing! I'm curious, what inspired you to draw native americans around us in a forest? Well, now that you've given me this little teaser, I'm looking forward even more to seeing my drawing of us in the pool with the circle jerk. You know just how to get my motor going! ;) Are you still planning to have that to me by 9pm tonight?

So I really like the job you did on smashing up the PS3. Looks like you really came through. Thanks for forwarding me all your correspondences with the trolls. I'm curious, what made you decide to send the video to them as yourself? I thought the point of having Jenkins Jinkies was that you could do it as him, instead of as yourself. I hope they still send you the money now. I mean, their whole purpose is to troll you, so why would they send you money? Wasn't the purpose of this whole thing to reverse-troll them by getting their money and THEN revealing yourself? I'm confused.

Also, I notice you gave them an ultimatum of one week to get the money to you, or else you won't endorse the video? I don't get what you mean, you sent them the video, they have it, right? You say the troll will be labeled "a man of no word" if you don't back it up, but I don't see why they need you to admit its real when the video itself is proof. If you don't get the money within a week, what exactly will you do? You know, you could make a video of yourself to reinforce your ultimatum, I guess. It might sound stronger if they see and hear your resolution, then if they only read the words in an email. Because I was kind of confused when I read it, and I think they might be too, but we all know how strong you can look when you put your full force into it. I'd sure love to see you flex your might for them, sweetie. ;)

Speaking of reward money, I looked at the thread again to see if they mention it. I didn't see anything about your PS3, but I saw this guy got like $1500 for drawing Asperchu, here: http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=86&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15 Isn't that the guy whose drawings I confused to be yours a while back? Wow, these trolls must really love his comics. Did you ever try to get payment from them for your Sonichu comic? I thought the reward money was all about trolling, but I guess they pay artists, too.

Well, anyway... How does it feel to not have your PS3 anymore?? It must be kind of exciting to have that monkey off your back. What have you been doing with your time? Going outside more? I know it's only been not even a day since you did it but I bet the world just feels cleaner and brighter for you now. What are you going to do with yourself now that you don't have the PS3? Ooh, have you thought more about doing that ghost story video? But probably better do the ultimatum video too, that's probably more important now. I can't wait to see it!

XOXOXO

Jackie@undefined

August 29, 2010 - 10:16pm

I was also curious, why did you name the picture "Unga Bunga"? I'm not really sure what that means, is that Cherokee for something? And I was hoping you would draw MY fantasy though, not your Cherokee one. Wasn't that kind of what you promised? To draw my fantasy? I'm kind of sad, I've been waiting all this time for the drawing of my fantasy that you promised, and then you delivered something else entirely. I'm kind of disappointed.

So how come you didn't want to credit Jenkies, though? Wasn't the point to convince them that a troll had finally destroyed your PS3, and then dash their triumph and show them up? I mean, if they had sent the money to a person they thought was a troll and then it turned out you hoodwinked them out of their money, that would have been the greatest victory ever. But now that you sent it to them as yourself, well, I just don't get why they would willingly send money to the person they mean to troll in the first place. I mean, the point behind tricking them was because they presumably wouldn't send money to Chris. I just don't really get your reasoning, but I guess if they end up paying you, it all works out.

Your prince and the pauper story sounds really interesting, but I don't really understand what you mean about it? Could you be more specific? Tell me how the story relates to what's going on in your dream. Like, what were the people talking to you about when they didn't understand you? And who is Yoshi the dragon, I don't remember him from that story? And what about this babysitter? I don't remember a babysitter from the story either. Could you explain a bit more about what you mean?

Anyway, you know I never actually specified that I would be available for next Friday for our meeting. I said that I would be home around this time, but I never confirmed which day, you just kind of assumed that yourself. You seem to have a habit of just making plans for the both of us without really confirming it with me Chris, even though I've only ever really given a rough date of my return. I'm unfortunately still not sure which exact date and time I will be back. But I'll keep you informed. In the meantime, when are you going to get my drawing to me?

Jackie@undefined

August 30, 2010 - 2:42pm

Chris, I was very specific in my fantasy when I described it to you. Look, here's what I wrote, quoting myself:

"Can you show me a preview by drawing us together in a pool? We would just be tearing at each other; but then we get caught! A bunch of guys come in surrounding the pool and just stare at us, but we're so enamored with each other, making such passionate love, that we just don't care and we keep going! And then all the guys get turned on by watching us, and they start jacking themselves off into the pool..."

So yeah, I'm wondering if you could re-do the drawing for me? You did deliver the circle jerking but not the pool part. The guys don't have to be native american or anything, but that was a nice touch that you did, I like that you think of those kind of details :) A lot of artists who don't care about their work tend to just put the minimum detail they can, poor proportions, coloring outside the lines, blank white backgrounds, things like that. It's nice to see you care enough to do a good job and make it look nice. <3

I guess maybe I missed something when I was reading the correspondences between you and the trolls; I was going off of what that forum thread said. The title was "Reward for Trolling", and the $9,001 was for your PS3 being destroyed, so I assumed that meant it had to be an act of trolling, I didn't see where it said that it could just be a troll bearing witness to you doing it. But it doesn't matter, sounds like they're paying you anyway. Whoo, I was worried they were going to renege. (Then you could call them pickle-suited reneggers ;) But I guess you're off to the mall right about now to collect the money? Awesome! Let me know how it goes!

I noticed in one of the emails to them that you said you would curse them if they didn't come through? That's another thing that probably would be best reinforced by more than writing. You said you met Jinkins Jinkies too? Lol.

Well anyway, let me know how the meeting goes!

XOXO

Jackie@undefined

August 30, 2010 - 4:43pm

Hey Sweetie!!

You only waited ten minutes past the meeting time? What if the guy was just running late? For nine thousand dollars I could think you would wait a little longer. It's not like you had some pressing appointment to get to afterward.

Uh... this Tito guy said he talked to Jinkies? How is that possible? I don't like the sound of that Chris. I mean, why would he bother making up a lie about talking to Jinkies when he could just decide to withhold the money? Obviously it couldn't be exactly what he says, because YOU'RE Jinkies, but this sounds really weird. It sounds like Tito talked to someone, at any rate.

I like your idea about the recording between you and Jinkies, but I think it should be a video. Have you ever seen those interviews like on 60 Minutes where the person being interviewed wants to be anonymous, so they have them in a dark silhouette and alter their voice so they can't be identified? You should do a video like that, where YOU (Chris) are "offscreen", talking to JINKIES, who is sitting in the shadow onscreen. Like, you would be talking to him in your normal voice, asking him questions about his recent activity, whether he met with Tito, and how you've buried the hatchet with him, and then "he" responds in a deeper voice or something. Make sure that when you (Chris) are talking, try to keep your jaw still, as even if you're silhouetted in darkness you don't want people to see "Jinkies'" jaw moving, it would look weird. Maybe you could even have Jinkies perform the curse on the trolls, just to cement it all. I do hope you get the money, use the interview video to sway them and let me know what you and Tito decide on.

Why do you think smashing the PS3 was a mistake? I mean, it would be great to get that reward money, but I thought your main purpose was to do it as a symbol of severing your enslavement to video games? I think this was a major step forward for you, whether or not you got money for it. But one thing I'm confused about is, how do you intend to replace the PS3 right now? They cost like $300, right? You said you have like $40 saved for a date with me, correct? And your father takes most of your welfare check now, so you only take away like $100 for yourself every month, right? So it would take like three months to save enough money to be able to get a new console, and that's only if you spend absolutely nothing on anything else in that time. (Or I guess maybe less time, depending on how much of your other stuff you sell off.) I mean, I know I said I wouldn't be bothered if you got a new PS3, but that was assuming that you got this $9,000, which would be more than enough to spend some on your games. I'm just confused why your only goal now is to replace the PS3 when at the immediate moment you have pretty much no money. I mean, you weren't nearly this eager to sell stuff when the goal was to pay for a ticket to Otakon. And besides, just a couple emails ago you told me that you could easily go for months before getting another console, so why the rush now? Didn't you mean what you said?

You know sweetie, I would LOVE if you came to Tennessee to see me!! I'm still going to be here for a few more days, but you know what? If you were to come visit me, maybe we could extend our stay there a couple more days and you could stay with me, and I could show you around, and we could have some "alone" time together? <3 <3 <3 If you don't want to drive your car for so far, I'm sure you could get a fairly cheap deal on a greyhound bus ride. You'd be staying with me when you get here, so the only real cost is travel. For a bus ride, that'd be definitely a LOT less than a new PS3. (At least if you were going to get a new console, I'd recommend an Xbox 360. Say what you will about Microsoft, but the fact is, they don't have nearly as many software glitches like the ones you were having in your PS3.)

So which would you rather spend money on, Chris? Replacing an old video game console that you destroyed because you didn't need it in the first place, or coming to spend a weekend alone with me? What's more important to you, sweetie? :) :)

I know you'll make the right decision, honey. <3 <3 <3

Jackie

P.S. Hey, when can I expect my pool drawing delivered to me? I've been waiting for ages.@undefined

August 31, 2010 - 5:22pm

Hey Chris! Thanks for another preview drawing. You're enticing me so much with all these little teasers. But I'm still looking forward to the final product, with all the guys jerking off around us in a pool, just like I said. (You know, it might even be sexy if a few of the guys are uncut! Make sure you put enough detail into the penises so it's clearly made out :)

But, on a sadder note, let's talk a little more about this PS3 thing.

I'm not sure I understand why you lied to your mother about what you did. I thought it was a gesture of freeing yourself from addiction to video games. I notice that when I made that comment in my last email, you didn't really respond to it. Was it about overcoming video games? Or did you only do it for the money? Because a few emails ago you wrote me a very (seemingly) heartfelt paragraph explaining in detail how you no longer needed video games because you had seen how much better life could be. When I said it might be a few days before you got the money, you told me confidently that you could "go for months" before getting a new console. When I read these things from you I believed them, Chris. So I ask again, what has changed? Were you lying to me when you said you didn't need the PS3? Please respond to these questions of mine this time, as I think this is important to talk about.

Another thing I am concerned about, and this is much more disturbing, is the attachment you show to your console in this latest email. You say you tried to "restore it back from the dead", including with "surgery". You say that you "murdered your PS3 in cold blood". Chris, a PS3 cannot die because it is not alive. Surgery cannot be performed on it because it is not alive. And it especially cannot be MURDERED, because murder is when you kill a HUMAN BEING. Frankly Chris, how messed up is it that you show such an appalling amount of regret at having lost your little video games?

You showed no regret when your old girlfriends like Ivy or Panda died, you hopped right to other girls in far less time than you've now spent mourning a broken computer. What gives? How can you have so much love for a computer? If it's the memories and nostalgia - which I suspect will be your answer to me - then why be so focused on buying a new PS3, when all the old "memories" are gone with the old one? (and for the record, why are you saying Xbox is the console that has problems? Wasn't some software glitches in your SONY PS3 the thing that started you on this in the first place?)

I don't get how the trolls could be "controlling" you considering you did this before even talking to them about it. You even did it before I knew about it. But I must also question your parents' ability to form a valid conclusion as to what's going on in this situation, because as you admit, you are LYING to them. You told your mom that your PS3 completely died, when in reality it was functioning perfectly fine (the hard drive was wiped, but the system still worked just fine). And frankly, I wouldn't care that you were lying to them, except for one thing: You got your mom to give you money toward the purchase of a new system. So basically, you TRICKED YOUR MOM with LIES and DECEIT. Because I think you KNOW she would NOT be willing to help you get a new system if she thought it was all entirely your doing.

Oh, you know what? That just made me think. I bet you lied to her about how much influence the trolls had over it, too, didn't you? You WANTED your parents to believe that the trolls "made" you do this. You don't want them to find out that you decided to do it all on your own. I bet you're just whining "the trolls made me do it" to get sympathy from them, and to get out of accepting responsibility for something YOU chose to do. Isn't that it, Chris? How many other occasions have YOU been at fault for something and conveniently scapegoated "the trolls" as if they control every event in the universe?

As for calling you, I can understand why a person might be old-fashioned and want his significant other to speak to his parents. But I don't get why you want me to have their approval, while at the same time you are content to lie to and disrespect them to get other things you want.

But what bothers me the most, Chris, is that you are saying that given the choice, you will sell your stuff and borrow money from your parents to buy a new video game console. But you will not sell stuff and borrow money from your parents for the purpose of coming to see me. So basically, having a PS3 is more important than having a girl who wants to be with you.

Chris, I'm going to list out some questions, and when you respond to this email I want you to answer all of them clearly. I don't care if you have an answer that you think I won't like, but what I want from you is the truth, not more dodging.

1. Were you lying to me when you said you didn't need your console anymore? 2. How will getting a new PS3 make up for the old memories you lost when it won't actually have them on its hard drive? 3. Have you been deliberately lying to your parents about what happened to the PS3 just because you knew they wouldn't help you get a new one if they knew the truth? 4. Have you been deliberately lying to your parents about the level of influence the trolls have over you just to get out of taking responsibility for your OWN actions? (This means for as long as the trolls have been around, not just since the PS3 thing) 5. Why is replacing an old video game console that you've already dumped thousands of hours into more important than coming to see me?

Chris, I expect you to give me truthful, honest, and complete answers to those questions when you respond to me.

Sigh... anyway, yes, please go ahead and do the shadow-interview video. If only to get your mind off of wallowing over the dead friend you "murdered", your PS3. I think anything that draws your mind away would be good at this point. Maybe once you've shown me some maturity, then I'll consider calling you. Because I'd love to call you Chris, but it kind of sounds like you'd prefer a video game to call you instead. Your devotion to this machine is creepy, to say the least. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship where I'll always have to worry about competing with a machine.

Jackie@undefined