Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)

"Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)" is Christian and the Hedgehog Boys's version of 's "", dedicated to Ivy's pet hermit crabs, Crass and Champ. It is the seventh track from Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!.

Unlike Chris's previous work, where he wrote new lyrics, this time he just sings the original song word-for-word, adding the names of the crabs intermittently to identify them as the male and female characters in the song's story, in addition to a few minor references to the sea. Ivy said that this laziness is because "Paradise..." was one of the last songs Chris wrote and he was getting bored. His inability to keep both in rhythm and in tune with the song is outstanding.

Notable variations from the Meat Loaf version are that Chris omits the entire baseball section of the song, is incapable of singing the faster parts and frequently cannot distinguish between the male and female voices. (Sound familiar?) He sings in a boring monotone when he realizes it's the boy's part, and a screeching falsetto when he realizes it's the girl's part. Even funnier, Chris believes that Crass and Champ were male and female, respectively, even though Ivy told him that the two were male.

Lyrics
[sung over Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"]

Crass remembers every little thing As if it happened only yesterday Parking by the lake and there was another- not another coral in sight And I never had a girl Looking any better than you did And all the kids at school, they were wishin' they were me that night.

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight Never felt so good never felt so right And we're glowin' like the metal on the edge of a knife Glowin' like the metal on the edge of a knife C'mon. Holdin' tighhhh- tight C'mon. Hold tight

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night I can see paradise by the seashore liiight

[in a creepy falsetto]

Ain't no doubt about it We were doubly blessed Cause we were barely seventeen And we were barely dressed

Ain't no doubt about it Baby got to go and shout it Ain't no doubt about it We were doubly blessed

[boring monotone resumes]

Cause we were only seventeen And we were barely dressed

Champ don'cha hear my heart You got it drowning out the waves Been waiting so long For you to come along and have some fun

And I gotta let ya know No you're never gonna regret it So open up your eyes I got a big surprise It'll feel all right I wanna make your- oh shark! [?]

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight It never felt so good, it never felt so right And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife

C'mon! Hold on tight! C'mon! Hold on tight!

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night I can see paradise by the seashore light [mumbles]

You got to do what you can

[he returns to the falsetto]

And let Mother Nature do the rest Ain't no doubt about it We were doubly blessed

Cause we were barely seventeen And we were barely--

We're gonna go all the way tonight

[returns to normal voice]

We're gonna go all the way...

[loses track of song and starts mumbling]

..tonight.. ..all the way tonight..

[song skips]

[in falsetto yet again]

Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further!

Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my liiife? Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?

Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me happy the rest of my life? Will you take me away and will you make me your wife? I gotta know right now Crass! Before we go any further Do you love me? Will you love me forever?

[monotone]

CHAAAMP!

CHAMP!

Let me sleep on it Champ, Champ let me sleep on it And I'll derp derp derp (?) And I'll give you an answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it Champ, Champ let me sleep on it Let me sleep on it And I'll give you an answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it Chaaamp, Champ let me sleep on it Let me sleep on it And I'll give you an answer in the morniiing

[falsetto]

CRASS! ...you know right now! Do you love me-me? Will you need me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away and will you make me your wife? I gotta know right now, Crass! Before we go any further Do you love me? Love me forever?

[monotone]

CHAMP?

Champ?

Ch- [mumbles in his falsetto]

Champ?

Sleep on it Champ, Champ let me sleep on it Let me sleep on it And I'll give you an answer in the morning

[falsetto]

I GOT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!

[monotone]

Let me sleep on it!

[alternates between falsetto and monotone]

Will you love me forever? Let me sleep on it! Will you love me forever> Let me sleep on it AND I'LL GIVE YOU AN ANSWER, CHAMP! CHAMP!

[mumbles in a high-pitched tone to the words]

.. love mee Love me forever? ...sleep on it ...love me forever? Let me sleep on it! Will you love me forever?

Let me sleep- [mumbles] And when the feeling came upon me Like a tidal wave I started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave That I would love you to the end of time I swore that then end- I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time To hurry up and arrive 'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you I don't think that I can really survive

I'll never break a promise or forget my vow But God only knows what I can do right now I'm praying for the end of time It's all that I can do Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you... Champ!

[''mumbles in a low tone, then switches to a high tone. Sounds like he's saying "beep beep beep!"'']

[falsetto]

...edge of a knife Glowing like a metal on the edge of a knife (x5) Glowing like a metal on... [mumbles] ...edge of a knife ...edge of a knife