ToJackie

ToJackie is a video Chris uploaded on 30 October 2010. In this video, Chris begs Jackie not to leave him, insisting that she matters more than video games, that he can make her laugh, and that no other non-living object can replace her. It should be noted that the alleged "bible" he swears upon is so close to the camera that you can't tell whether or not it is a bible at all.

Video
"No video game, no high score or no dang console is going to go over you, because I love you so much more. You can return the feelings and emotions. No dang— non-living object can ever do that. I swear."

Transcript


[Chris performs a dramatic glasses removal.]

Listen. Jackie? I gotta— I gotta tell it to you straight. I mean, yeah. I have been doing these videos and everything FOR YOU. I put— I've given you so much time and energy. I want you to know that… it is all good. I am being honest with you. I have been honest with you. Sometimes, I have misspoke. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. Hand to God. And on my Bible. I'd have to go look for it.

[Chris turns around, looking for his Bible.]

It's right over— here it is.

[Chris picks up and places his hand on his "Bible".]

Yeah, look. Hand on my Bible. I swear to God. I love you more than any— more than anything, Jackie. I love you more than anything.

[Chris puts the object down.]

And, plus, I'll be able to make you laugh. Make you more happy. Make you smile a lot more, after we meet— after we get together. I mean—

[Chris turns around, shoves fake breasts up his shirt, and turns around again.]

Hey, look. This is fun.

[Chris imitates his belly dancing.]

We can feel each other up, ya know?

[Chris bends over to show his breasts.]

Hey, look. How do you like lookin' down at my cleavage? (Chris laughs.) I'll make you smile, make you happy. [Chris removes the fake breasts.] You know I will, because I love you. I love you a lot.

[Chris pauses and slouches down.]

And do— and there ain't no— there's nothing else in the world, 'cept outside my family. [Chris noticeably sighs.] You know, 'cause, you know, I gotta— I gotta respect my mom and dad. But no video game, no high score or no dang console is going to go over you, because I love you so much more. You can return the feelings and emotions. No dang— non-living object can ever do that. I swear.

[Chris stands up straight, leans forward and grabs the camera.]

We'll be very happy together. I know it. I will make you happy as much as possible. And when you're feeling down, I'll make you feel better. I love you.