Mailbag 21

Mailbag 21 was uploaded in the late hours of 20 December 2009. Oddly, Chris chose to start answering the messages in it less than 30 minutes later, just 13 minutes past midnight, 21 December 2009. Why he chose to answer the questions in this mailbag first, as opposed to Mailbag 20, is unknown.

In this spectacular edition of Mailbag, Chris lets out that Sonichu and Rosechu neglect their children by allowing to watch inappropriate material, that he thinks he would be a Scyther (more like a Snorlax) and that, like real-world Chris, Sonichu is a lazy bastard and has everything paid for him, and a whole lot more!

Home economics
From: (margaretmead@fordham.edu)

Hello! I've been reading and following Sonichu with great interest for several years. I am a cultural anthropologist and college professor. My field of study focuses on American culture, society and values, those sort of things. If you could please take the time to answer a few of my questions I and my future students would be most appreciative. My questions all concern Sonichu and Rosechu, their family, and their living situation:

1. Are Sonichu and Rosechu living in poverty? They seem to occupy a rather small house for a family of five, and that house is provided by the CWCville government. I understand Sonichu is paid for guarding the city, but you also said he has to mow lawns to make ends meet. Yet in your Christmas special, they seem to be living beyond their means, buying the latest video games for very young children who wouldn't really appreciate such things. What is the Sonichus' approximate income?

2. What are Sonichu and Rosechu's educational backgrounds? You show most of the other Sonichus and Rosechus attending University courses (or high school, as the case may be), but Sonichu and Rosechu seem to have rushed into marriage shortly after they met each other. Most couples -- even ones in stable, long-term relationships -- would delay marriage until after college graduation. Did Sonichu and Rosechu finish (or even attend) high school? Do they have college degrees, or any college education under their belts? If the checks for saving the city stop coming in after Slaweel Ryam is defeated, how will Sonichu and Rosechu provide for their three children?

3. Did Rosechu plan her pregnancies, or were the three children "accidents"? Many women choose to delay pregnancy until their late 20s or early 30s, when one is usually finished with college and has started a professional career. It's much easier to start a family when one is more established in life. It's also unusual for people in their late teens or very early 20s to have three children, and women in such situations have very stressful and financially precarious lives. Rosechu appears to have hired a nanny to remedy this. Does Rosechu receive checks from the government to pay for such a service as well?

Thank you in advance for taking the time to answer my questions!

Sincerely,

Margaret Mead, Ph.D, Fordham University@undefined

Under-14 kids watching TV-14 shows
From: wangchungxoxo@aol.com I read your recent issue 11, and on page 2, Christine, who is supposed to be a baby, says, "I am the Virgin Mary. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." I understand this joke is directly lifted from Family Guy, but that's kind of sick, since the joke implies that she is not really a virgin, and Christine is a baby. What did you mean by this joke? Are you implying that it should be okay to have sex with babies, or did you simply not get the joke and just thought it would be funny because it was from Family Guy?@undefined

Chris has something in common with Billy Joel
From: Bo Mann  I notice you like playing the Fisher Price game Guitar Hero, but can you play any real musical instruments?@undefined

Why no Tails?
From: Daniel Silva  Hey Chris! I like Sonichu! It's on my top ten favorite Sonic-related fanworks (#5, specifically), though I think you should mention copyrights. Like "Sonic the Hedgehog and related characters are copyright of Sega". I've seen what happens to people who forgot to put stuff like that. I defintely don't think you deserve that. Also, I've noticed you've made characters based on Sonic, Amy, Knuckles, Silver, and Shadow, but you have never made a character based off Tails. Why? I know some people like to joke that he's gay for Sonic, but I've never found anyone who seriously believed that (except for slash fiction writers, but that's beside the point). What do you have against him? And why did you make Simonchu a girl? Evang-y one of my favorite DeviantArtists! I don't think he likes that. Peace out. -Daionus the 23rd@undefined

Axe is working for Chris
From: George Pliskin  Chris I once worked for the company that does the "AXE Body Spray" marketing. And take it from me that the "getting the girls attention" commercials was just a gimmick. My wife says that the smell stings her nose, so I chose not to buy it or support the company for that matter. What I'm trying to say is that you should not believe everything the companies say and that the labels are meant to be something that can entertain the person who buys it.@undefined

Chris's favorite curse word is an "F" followed by 3 asterisks
From: slashfire99@aol.com I have 10 questions for you, which are adopted from the famous French television host Bernard Pivot.

1. What is your favorite word?

2. What is your least favorite word?

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

4. What turns you off?

5. What is your favorite curse word?

6. What sound or noise do you love?

7. What sound or noise do you hate?

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

9. What profession would you not like to do?

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?@undefined

In which Chris receives a letter from the son of God
From:  Dear Chris,

1. If you were a pokemon, what kind do you believe you would be?

2. Are you aware of Fred Phelps? If so, what is your opinion on him? I am also curious on your opinion on Australian priest Fred Nile.

Awaiting your response,

Phil.@undefined

Chris is not a sex offender... yet
From: Gary Finch 

Hey-o again, CWC. Thanks for answering my last letter. While I absolutely LOVE sonichu I have to say I find an answer in Mailbag 19 deplorable. I have a girlfriend who was sexually assaulted by a guy who she used to be good friends with. He became obsessed with her and eventually she got weirded out by it, as any normal human being would, and eventually stopped talking to him. That wasn't enough for him so he grabbed her from behind and stuck his hands up her shirt and felt her breasts. While a lot of adults appreciate sex it depends on WHO is doing it. Megan was rightfully creeped out by you sick, violent, stalkerish drawing. Other than that the new Sonichu is great!

Gary@undefined

Chris refuses to testify under oath
From: cheapfoolsgold@aol.com

Do you wish to be cremated or buried when you die? If cremated, what do you want done with your ashes (some people prefer to have their ashes kept in an urn somewhere, while others prefer to have their ashes scattered somewhere)? Do you have any other final wishes? And what are the final wishes of your parents? Apologies for the morbid questions, but just curious.@undefined

Chris obviously thinks that "" merely means "to refuse to answer"; it actually means "to refuse to answer a question because the response could provide self-incriminating evidence.", which could not possibly apply here.

In which Chris continues to lie about his IQ
From: coby nguyen  Dear Christian Weston Chandler,

You seem like a rather, interesting, person. I have skimmed through your mailbag and I have noticed you stated that you have gotten an IQ of 150. Now, I find that a little "Far Fetched" and I ask, where did you take your IQ test?

Oh and try using colored pencils instead of markers, I find them to turn out much better. Try to color in one direction too. Hey if you'd like, you can send me the pages you drew (without the speech bubbles) and I can edit them in Photoshop CS3, they will look much better, trust me. I need some practice anyways.

And it'd be kinda great if you'd proofread the story before adding them in, some things are really unnecessary.

I also have a few more questions, why are you in denial of being.. A little overweight? Someone tried to give you advice on women and you completely, being thick, turned it down. A lot of that e-mail made sense.

Also, why don't you invest in a gym? It'll give you a better look towards women, and a little closer to your "Love Quest".

-Coby@undefined

When you're 27, nobody really cares about your high school report cards
From: Bob Bobson  Chris, you're an adult. Why can't you get your report cards out for even a simple peek?

If you don't, you know that the trolls will just claim that you didn't really make it.

You've got to upload scans before they tarnish your name further! They're spreading their lies everywhere nothing will convince the masses but physical evidence since they are 100% convinced that you are a liar so your word is worthless to them!

If they corrupt the masses, the fanbase won't expand!@undefined

In which Chris ruins a man's life
From: Christian W. Chandler  Dear Mr. Chandler,

My name is Christian W. Chandler. I'm 38 years old with a wife and three children and live in San Fernando, CA. Recently I've been fired from work as I've been accused of unsavory Internet activities, as people have been confusing myself with you. I'm having a difficult time finding a new job because whenever people search my mind, they find things related to you and assume I'm you. When I've called to follow up on jobs I apply for, I'm told to not be such a "sick fuck" and to stop drawing cartoon porn.

Please, is there any way you can stop this madness? You're spoiling my good name and I need a job soon. My mortgage is past due and they're ready to repossess my house.

Thank you, Christian W. Chandler@undefined

Chris's awesome rack
From: Nick Manchester  Dear Chris,

I am doing my best to stay STRAIGHT. In fact, I can't get a boner unless I see boobies. There's nothing that turns me on more than a heaving pair of BREASTS! Unfortunately, this is what is getting me in trouble.

One day I was on the internet and saw a picture of your chest (your face was blocked out). Overwhelmed by the sight of your tender and luscious bosom I felt my self getting hard... down there.

I tried to resist the urges and look away but your perky tits and rock hard nipples made it impossible and I "creamed my jeans".

Now I am very embarrassed at what I have done and I am afraid that I am a HOMO now. I LOVE BOOBIES, CHRIS! I DO NOT WANT TO BE A HOMO!

HELP

Sincerely,

Nick@undefined

Chris gets a call from The Doctor
{{Email|From: {{w|Colin Baker}} ({{w|Arc of Infinity|cmdrpaxil}}@hotmail.co.uk)

Hello, Christian! I'm just a {{w|The Stranger (video series)|stranger}} from England who is a longtime fan of your work. It quite difficult to find a good {{w|Doctor Who|sci-fi/adventure}} writer nowadays; you are one of the most notable. Keep it up!

May I ask you a few questions? 1. If you had the ability to {{w|TARDIS|travel through time}}... to any place and time you desire... what would you do? 2. If you worked with a {{w|Peri Brown|beautiful and sexy woman}}, but your work ethics forbid you to have any kinds of {w| The Doctor (Doctor Who)#Romance|romantic relations}} with her... do you think you could stand this challenge? 3. Do you believe in ? 4. Last but not least... I'm absolutely fascinated by your. It's so out of the ordinary and unique, it truly manages to express the bohemian aesthetics of your creative individuality! But I'd like to know - did you make this bold fashion choice on your own, or was it inspired by any outside influence?

Thanks in advance! I hope the "Sonichu" saga will continue for all eternity! :)

.

P.S.: Say hi to all your cute kitties for me!}}

In which Chris is faced with the truth and rejects it. Again.
From: Shane Smith  It's 18; I'm far from being a minor. I've seen porn. I see what they go through to do that stuff. And you saying that adults appreciate childish pictures of people fingerbanging their friends who happened to look like their imaginary sisters - drawn by a guy with the mindset of a 10-year-old who should be out in the job force but is merely driving this economy down by spending more disposable income - is plain bullshit. I know adults who aren't even bounded by a religion that disapprove of porn, especially when they direct the porn towards a wiki that appears to have been made in an anti-intellectual society (and gets on the point most of the time) and their 20-year-old friends who didn't even care about the artists. You, Chris, are irredeemable - you cannot be changed by any means of coercion or treatment. Your parents brought you into this mess and what do you do to pay them back? You fucking spend their disposable income on video games, kids' toys, and "hipster" stuff. I'm sorry to tell you the truth, Chris - you won't listen, as always, but I hope, if God willing, you suffer from something so bad, you'll regret your sloth ways and try to redeem yourself.

But you have already strained relations with everybody. From obvious impersonators to art critics, you made every one into a "troll". Well, guess what? You're going to be trolled unless if you die. You are, indeed, the mistake of God.@undefined