Mailbag 33

Mailbag 33 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 5 January 2010. Chris answered the letters the next day.

One of the more notable attributes of this mailbag was the frequent use of the phrase "as individual people." Chris seemed to comprehend that you can't just mistreat people because they're gay, atheist, or anything else he despises, but he was not willing to give up on hating them. Therefore he kept stating that he wouldn't discriminate against them as individual people as some sort of pitiful attempt at damage control.

The answers were all pretty much just the standard Chris idiocy we've all come to expect. Chris shot down our hopes and dreams of seeing more of Bill, poorly defended his demand that Clyde and Jack kill themselves, and claimed that he was far too busy to tell off the creators of Gay 4 Sonichu. He rejected two letters, one from Evan, who still wanted Simonla removed from the comics; and one from a guy who pointed out that the comics were not really suitable for children.

Chris and the census
From: Lucas Johnston 

hello chris,

I've been interviewing people for a while to survey different belifs in the community (for the U.S Census Bureau) I deal with the misuderstanding of different customs. I've stummbled on the Sonichu stuff a little while ago and i was interested i asking you some typical questions i ask people.

1) What do you think of people of different faiths other than your own (this includes Satanism,Atheism, Agnosticism)

2) How do you feel about the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual community? do they deserve the same rights as anyone else?

3) how do you feel about people of different political parties, political parties spanning from Anarchism to Facism.

4) How do you feel about Drugs? Drugs such as Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigarettes, Alchol, etc.

5) Do you hold any distaste for any worldly culture?

6) Are you uncomfortable about people of Color? do you have any tensions twords them?

7) Are you disturbed or disgusted by different types of music? many people dislike Death Metal: http://tinyurl.com/ch2yl5

8) What do you think of our current president? Is he decieving Americans as the Right Wing has expressed?

9) Do you think Countries such as the Soviet Union or North Korea Are actually Communist?

10) How do you think the situation in Afganistan is going? Is there anything you would do differnt?

I hope you respond to the questions thank you very much, Lucas@undefined

Trolls > Fans
From: Mattioli Method 

Do you believe the number of fans you have outnumbers the number of trolls you have?

-Matt@undefined

He kissed his mom
From: Carmen Granger 

So who did you kiss on New Year's Eve?@undefined

Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"
From: bella 

Hey Chris, four questions for the new year! 2010! Yeah!

Ok

1. Do you know that Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins in the Bible? So isn't it a straight ticket to hell if you wish suicide on someone? Please PLEASE tell me your reasoning. I'm not slandering you, I'm just curious.

2. How do you feel about your church accepting homosexuals as God's children? Again, not trying to anger you, just curious.

3. Do lesbians go to Heaven and do gays go to Hell?

4. What is your EARLIEST instance of fearing gay men?

Thanks for reading, Chris.

Peace,

Bella@undefined

OF COURSE Chris would like the worst Sonic game ever
From: Seth Sethson 

Chris, you state that "All Sonic Games" are among the best games ever.

You are so horribly wrong. You see, is included in that.

And Sonic 2006 is known as one of the worst games ever. Period.

Video games are an art form, and the game failed to entertain. The plot was utterly terrible, confusing, and the romance involved made Star Wars Episode II(George Lucas is generally thought of as a poor romance writer) look like Romeo and Juliet. Oh, and that's not my "Opinion", Sega fired the entire writing staff responsible for that abomination. Look it up.

Many of the graphics were just placeholders from SA1. Graphical inferiority included. Lazyness is not fun to look at.

And the loading screens, my god the loading screens. I once watched a Let's Play of the game. At the end, the players clocked their total amount of time spent staring at the loading screens--two hours. Out of a 20 hour file. They spent 10% of the game watching the other 90% load. Most games spent 1% of the time loading, just to give you a reference point.

The Mach Speed sections suffered from poor control and level design(that means the logical placing of obstacles, not just how the level looks).

Oh, and during said Let's Play, they read all the reviews in all the gaming magazines that reviewed it. Only one gave it anything higher than an "F", and that was later revealed as the critic in question being pressured into giving it a good review against his will.@undefined

No comment strikes again!
From: Elise Oram 

Hi Chris! My name is Elise. I live in Indiana, which is a state that has a lot of corn. I have been reading Sonichu since March. I hadn't read the Asperchui comic you labelled as a homo parody until today, because of how much you hated it, but I got curious. After reading the whole thing, i felt I should email you to tell you that I think you've got the wrong idea about it. It's only a parody of Sonichu insofar as Sonichu is a parody of Sonic. I found it to be a very touching tribute to you, because Mr. Leary clearly feels that you and your life and accomplishments have inspired him. Asperchu isn't in any way portrayed as a homo. I don't think you even read it from the way you are reacting. I believe you should give it a new chance and "Open Your Heart" as Sonic would say.

Thanks for your time!

Elise O@undefined

But he has time to play Legos
From: Hamsty the Hamster  Shit son, if Gay 4 Sonichu really is fuckin' up your creations, why don't you just STRAIGHT UP TELL THEM? I mean shit, they have a message board. It's right here: http://gay4sonichu.xxxfaster.net/.@undefined

At least he's grown up SOMEWHAT
From: blockkick78@aol.com

My FAVORITE holiday in the world is Halloween. I love dressing up as monsters when I was a kid. What did you dress up as when you went out Trick-or-Treating? I'd really appreciate as full a list as you can provide, including years, any comments you might have on the costumes, and/or even pictures if you have some.@undefined

Chris denies balding
From:  Chris, you are balding. It's okay; there are products that can help save your hair. I suggest, but you can do some additional research on your own.

If you do not believe me, please show the top of your head clearly in your next youtube video. That way, your hairline will be a matter of record. If I am wrong about your hair I will not only admit it, but also tell all my friends who think you are losing your hair that they are wrong.

I'm trying to help you here buddy. The trolls say you're going bald. If you're not, you can prove it and shut them up. If you are, there are ways to save your here. Take control.@undefined

Chris has contempt for his loyal fanbase
From: Bill The Scientist  DEAR CWC,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NO COMMENT?! I FEEL THAT READERS WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YAWNING SQUIRTLE, THE BOULDER DROPPING WHALE, AND ME (BILL THE SCIENTIST), NOT FOR OUR OWN EGOTISTICAL NEED FOR RECOGNITION, (OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT), BUT FOR THE FANS, MAN! THE FANS LOVE US, WE HAVE LITERALLY SEVERAL FANS, WE ARE THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS, IF YOU TAKE A QUIZ ON WHICH CHARACTERS ARE THE MOST POPULAR, WE'D BE THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS.

PEACE OUT, BILL THE SCIENTIST@undefined

Brotherly love
From: Evang7 

To the REAL Christopher Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler,

I am TRULY SORRY, my last e-mail ACCIDENTALLY went through to the IMPOSTOR IN BROWN. He is TRICKY and I never meant to mistake him for you. I would LOVE to see him get his Comeuppance in future reappearances in the Sonichu series. SO MANY of my attempts at coming to a solution with you over the Legal Matter of Simonla have accidentally wound up in his Nefarious Hands.

My lawyers have found a Loophole that might be able to Save You; Apparently, while using my Simonchu is ILLEGAL and will get you in JAIL, and Simonla counts as a RIPOFF right now, there's one other way to fix it. You can apparently turn her Into A Man and it will make her a PARODY of my Simonchu instead of just a Ripoff. You could Write a Story about maybe Slaweel Ryam uses Evil Hexes to curse Simonla and give her male genitalia, and show how Wild and Simonla cope with this in The Relationship.

HOWEVER, it's Still Legal if she Turns Back to Normal in the end. As long as she Becomes a Man for a whole Chapter, No Lawsuits will be necessary and Wild won't have to lose his Heartsweet to a Tragic, Permanent Death (which remains the only other solution).

I know this isn't a Pleasant Solution, but I think it's a chance for Both Characters to Grow without the necessity of Death. This will make Everything Legal regarding Simonchu/Simonla if you do this story URGENTLY, if a Story dealing with Simonla either being Killed Off or Turned into a Man isn't at least STARTED by February, my Lawyers say that Simonla's appearance is TOTALLY ILLEGAL and we will have to SUE. I will try and Push This Off to a later date if you Show Cooperation, however.

Thank You for your Assumed Cooperation, and Look Out For the Return of Simonchu Soon,

Evan Christopher George, Simonchu's TRUE Creator@undefined Chris answered this letter a day later, on 8 January 2010.

Chris really is all kinds of fucked up
From: kawaiinamine32@aol.com Thank you for answering my questions, though you didn't answer them, for lack of a better word, well. I'm kind of offended by the "competing". How are we, people with Aspergers Syndrome, like that? Please tell me. as for Black Sonichu or whatever his name is now, he has an individual what? That answer made no sense! Did you mean he's an indivual something? Hedgehog-pokemon? Creature? An indiviual who for some reason HAS to have a "heartsweet" like everyone else? I personally think he'd be better off being alone, but whatever. You must be joking about your rating, all the panty shots, Rosechu being nude and tearing into someone's head, gratutious Hedgehog-pokemon sex, partial nudity and people being killed off with detailed deaths...Yup, this is definitely made for children.@undefined