Trollin Train

Trollin Train was a fake troll forum, established on 27 July 2010, which Chris frequented under the trollsona "JenkinsJinkies". He eventually gave up on posting, afraid that when jerkops "busted" the forum they would mistake him for a troll, because of course Chris believes trolling is illegal. The forum is long past dead but an archived version is still available. Trollin Train is an excellent example of both Chris's naïveté and his ego. His JenkinsJinkies persona was instantly recognized by the trolls due to his poor grasp of English and Distinctive Typing Style, and taken advantage of from the start. Furthermore, his arrogance led him to believe that all of the trolls had immediately fallen for his ruse and that a fourteen-year-old sodomist who had moved in directly across the street from Chris would fit in perfectly with the secret trolling circle (because in Chris's mind, all trolls are really angsty gay children). Needless to say, the JenkinsJinkies teat was milked for all it was worth and Chris went along without ever realizing it.

Hey, Everyone! J.J. has arrived. (Thu 29 July 2010 12:19 AM)
A new thread in which Chris introduces himself. He gives a long-winded, deranged backstory for his persona, and saw fit to include pointless and detailed information about gay sex, since, in Chris' retarded eyes, all gays are trolls and all trolls are gay.

Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)
Another new thread. Parts of this message were obviously dictated to Chris by Bob. In it, Chris makes the absurd (but telling) assumption that the trolls are animal abusers, and was snapped at by the trolls in response:

Damn! (Wed 25 Aug 2010 5:42 AM)
In response to a thread announcing that Chris had discovered Trollin Train. Chris includes completely incredible lies about his persona's activities, and makes sure to use JenkinsJinkies as a catspaw to compliment himself:

The "virus" he mentions was in reference to a thread in which trolls claimed to be putting viruses into LBP and ModNation DLC that Chris would be likely to download. Note that have not been used for over a century.

That plan is NO GOOD (Wed 25 Aug 2010 5:48 AM)
Chris discovered a hypothetical discussion about digging up his dead dog, and, distressed, tried desperately to discourage the notion:

Nah, dude (Thu 26 Aug 2010 4:55 AM)
In response to a thread about getting The Bear to call Chris "Mr. Poopy Head" so that Chris would have to rename himself to "Mr. Poopy Head Weston Chandler".

Hey, the Equipment and the Digging (Thu 26 Aug 2010 5:12 AM)
Another post in the thread regarding digging up Patti. Apparently thinking his earlier efforts weren't enough to discourage trolls, Chris tries to terrify them into inaction with a completely retarded self-aggrandising tale featuring ghosts and evil spirits. This was the post where Chris fully dropped his "disguise", erasing any possibility that even the stupidest people could believe his nonsense to be real. Not only that, but it makes absolutely no sense and raises many questions, including how a "ghost of 7-year old Chris" could exist if Chris did not die as a 7-year old, why a child that from 1989 would refer to someone as a troll or why a ghost dog could talk. As is customary, Chris very unsubtly tries to paint himself as the victim, even through the proxy of Jenkins:

Dudes, you are not gonna believe this. (Sun 29 Aug 2010 1:22 PM)
Another new thread, posted as a part of Chris's half-baked plot to get over nine thousand dollars for destroying his PS3: