Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2 is the second phone call between Jack Thaddeus and Chris, which occured on 6 December 2009.

Jack uses this call to further berate Chris about his health, money and anything else he felt like, because Chris is too dumb to hang up. Jack also reveals a hypothesis that his mother might have performed surgery on Bob. It is also revealed that he only has roughly $200 in his savings (which is probably your money). This call is also one of the few instances where Snorlax makes an appearance.

Transcript
Chris: Hello? Jack: [using a mocking falsetto voice] Hi, Chris. It's me, Kim. Chris: No, it's not. Jack: Oh, oh, oh, okay I- I guess- I guess you saw through my ruse, Chris, you know. It's me, Jack, your best friend... Aren't we friends Chris? Chris: Hmm. Jack: Hmm? Chris: Whatever, I don't know, but, anyways, what's up? Jack: What? What do you mean- what do you mean, "Whatever"? What do you mean, "Whatever"? [Chris tries to interrupt] God dammit, man! Anyways, I got shit on Clyde. You- you wanna know... you wanna know it? Chris: Okay, what do you have on Clyde? Jack: Well, first of all, he wears glasses. Chris: Okay, he wears glasses. Jack: Yeah. Chris: Go on. Jack: Second of all, he likes Pokémon... for some reason. His favorite Pokémon (pronounced Pokey man) is Bidoof. Chris: Okay... Bidoof. Okay. Jack: Bidoof! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, I know what a Bidoof is. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yeah-eh, I'm sure you are... a Bidoof. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay well- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: He also likes Sonic... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: And, uh... let me see what else does he... hmm. Well, Chris, that's- I guess that's all that I'm gonna tell you for now, but how was your day? I saw you made a video. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? <font color="#04B45F">Jack: I saw you made a video. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, okay... Yeah, a holiday greeting video. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Uh-huh, have- I have a question Chris: have you ever heard of St. Mary's Hospital? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: St. Mary's Hospital, I have heard that name before- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: In Richmond, Virginia. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, so that's where- so that's where it's located. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: From 1989 to 1999, I lived in Richmond. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You also lived in Richmond. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, but I not live that- that long a time. I lived there shorter- shorter length than you... Obviously, because I lived there from '92 to 2000. Which- uh- which is like, that's like 8- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: That doesn't matter. I was still in the same fucking city as you at the same time. And something else: my mother worked in the cathlab at St. Mary's. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Now, I hear that Bob had bypass surgery. Is this true? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, he did. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: When was this? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: This was quite a few years ago, during that- during that decade. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Interesting, did- did he get it done at St. Mary's? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm, I'm not sure it was St.- I'm not sure it was- I'm not sure if it was St. Mary's. Uhh, it was the hospital closest to, uhh, Cloverleaf Shopping Center. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Uhh... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: That's- uh- that's a good way of describing its location, anyway. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Well... o- okay I was- anyways, yeah, my mother might have operated on your father... isn't that creepy? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay... [Chris speaks away from the phone] Yes, mom? Mom. [indistinct] <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Uh-oh, UH-OH, uh-oh, oh. Snorlax. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: 'Sup Mom? <font color="#04B45F">Jack: [mockingly impersonating Chris] Hi, Mommy, hmm. I just wanna cuddle up into your fat rolls, hmm. Yeah, hmm, yeah. [mockingly hums like Chris while indistinct conversation happens in background, then snickers to himself] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, okay, sorry about that, my mom was checking in. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: [still impersonating Chris] It's your mommy, hmm? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [oblivious to mocking] Yeah, well, she wants me let the cat- let- let the cat in, 'cuz it's going to be very cold tonight... Uh, so, anyway, you're saying your mother might have operated on my father? <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yes. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay- well, okay, that's good. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: I find that very creepy. I might have even run into you while you lived in Richmond. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Huh. Well, I wouldn't have known it... or I wouldn't remember it... at this time. So it's a possibility, yes. Hmm. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: That's interesting. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Quite. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Have you ever thought about moving out of your house? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Eventually, maybe. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Where would you wanna move? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm not sure right now, but I would say that- I would say a nice little house in Charlottesville. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: [laughs] Pfft, you afford a place in Charlottesville? That's funny. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. Well- well, anyway, that's a-that's a long ways- that's a lon- bit aways from now, anyway. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: A bit a- bit aways? You're almost thirty-years-old, and... you...[holding back laughter]- that CADD degree sure is coming in handy! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oy vey! Whatever. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: "Oy- "Oy vey"?! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Anyway... <font color="#04B45F">Jack: What are you, suddenly Jewish? How much money have you made in your life, Chris? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: In my lifetime... I can't even count that high. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You'v- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't even- I don't even know- I'm not gonna- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: That's not- no! That's not- that's not- no, no-no, no. No, money that you get from the government is not money that you make. That is money that is given to you so that you can buy the essentials: food... medicine, and clothing. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="##000000">[6:00] <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You use it for... shit you don't need, like your precious pee-ess-triple. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. Okay, well... Alright, so- alright, so in the, uhh- ...okay, umm.... Okay, aside from that, is there anything else in your mind? <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Umm... you're gonna piss off a lot of, uhh... oh, yeah. Answer it, Chris. Answer the question: how much have you made? Five dollars, right? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I made some money, yes. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: And what'd you do with that money? Waste it all. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, I saved it. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You saved- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: It's in a savings account. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: [Jack's mouth erupts with flatulence] You have a savings account? Really? A savings account? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: How much is in it? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: About two hundred... right now. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Whoahohaha! That's savings, alright! ...Savings, alright... Two hundred in a savings account... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, whatev- Well, anyway... <font color="#04B45F">Jack: That's funny. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Is there anything else that you would like to talk about? <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Oh, yeah, you're gonna piss off a lot of people with Ass Burger's if you keep this shit up. I'm just saying, I mean... <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I'm not gonna do- be saying stuff-- I'm not gonna be saying anything new about that, other than what I have made- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Why? Why can't you accept the fact that it is a condition that is associated with... autistic- au-tism? You- you seem to confuse- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Because it is not. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Chris, it is a scientific fact... that it is a fucking- it's on the aut-ism... spectrum. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have read that on the Ha-Wikipedia [kind of like "Cool Ha-Whip"] page, yes. I just- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: [here Jack tries to send a subliminal message to Chris using Morse code] No, no-no, no, no-no-no. Don't you fuckin' say that... it's an opinion, because it's not an opinion. It's a fact! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I hav- I n- I hav- I have not said- I did not- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You- you- you know what? You know, I have a suggestion for you: okay, go to PBS.com, and go to the Arthur thing, and there's a little game... for you to play. It's called "Binky"- "Binky's Fact or Opinion Game", you get- and you have to try and figure out which statement is a fact and which is an opinion. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [amazed at the complexity of this non-Guitar Hero/non-LittleBigPlanet game] I see... <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You see? You see? Because you seem to not be able to differ-rentriate between the two of them. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can differentiate between fact and fiction. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: No, no, I said, "differentiate between fact and opinion". <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can differentiate between fact and opinion, as well. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Then- okay, then are... are autism and Asperger's similar? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: They are not. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: That is a fucking... what- I told y- It's a fucking fact that they are similar! Okay?! Asperger's [in all of Jack's cases, he pronounces it "Ass Burgers", in such a way that mimics Chris.] is just... a fucki- is- you wish that you had Asperger's, okay? Hell, I have a form of au-tism! I have ADHD. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay- <font color="#000000">[incoherent babbling] <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Attention-deficit hyperactive disorder. You know what that means? That means that... I am on the autism spectrum. That means that I have- suffer from forms of autism. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. ...I see... ...Okay. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: And, unlike you, I don't use it as a fucking crutch! I don't... explain away my behavior based upon my... condition. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I see. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: I- I can tell that you're not listening at all, and that you're just- you're saying stuff to- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am- I am listening to you. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: [laughter] No, you're not, because- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, I am. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: - I've heard you do this before with talks with Clyde... and with, uhh, ya know... other people... and shit. I've heard this before. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I listen to you; you said you have ADH- ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactive disorder), and you said that it's a form- it's a type of autism. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Is that a fact, or opinion? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Absolutely(?) really(?) been paying attention. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Is that a fact, or opinion? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Is that a fact, or opinion? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright, it is a fact. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Good job! You get a gold star! Just like back in preschool, isn't it? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Now what about Asperger's? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...What about...? <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Is Asperger's a form of autism? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Okay, Asperger's is a form of autism. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Ah, shit, son! It took you this long to admit that science is correct. ...Also, I don't think you understand much about Asperger's. You seem to have just skimmed through the article on Wikipedia. Why don't you read it all? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I did read it all. [incoherent babbling] <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Then di- where does the name "Asperger's syndrome" come from? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: It came from the guy who founded it, Assburger. That's his last name. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Assburge- Assburger? No, it's Asperger. He's- <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, Asperger. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yeah, anyways... You win. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: You win- you win a gold star, Chris. Why don't you go- go to the- go drive around in the snow, go to the store, get, you know, a sticker-sheet of gold stars, and pin two gold stars on your chest, 'cuz you just won. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. Well, anyway... <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yeah. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm... finishing up a- I'm finishing up a page right now, so- <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yeah, you better finish it up! <font color="#0033FF">Chris: - I'll be uploading that soon. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: Yeah. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#000000">[they simultaneously say, "Yeah, okay."] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, [in a very sweet tone] alright, I'll talk to you later. You take care and be safe. <font color="#04B45F">Jack: I love you. <font color="#000000">[awkward silence as a chill runs down Chris's spine from fear of homos.] <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright, bye-bye. <font color="#000000">[Jack giggles like a schoolgirl.]