Mailbag 18

Given the success of Mailbag 13, the Operation Mailbag project was continued. Mailbag 18 was composed mostly of letters written right here on the CWCki, with a few genuine letters thrown in for good measure.

Chris was expected to answer them in the late hours of 14 December 2009, the same day they went up. Instead, he answered a few of them in the very early hours of the 15th, and then promised to get to the rest the next evening. He finally finished answering them on 18 December, in the very early hours of the morning.

The question now is how does Chris pay his manager?
From: (josephwalterjackson1929@gmail.com) Hello again Christopher,

First of all, thank you for answering my previous letter! Even at my old age (I'm 80 years young), I can recognize a genius when I see one, so it's an honor to have a correspondence with you. Here are a few more questions that I have remembered that I had wanted to ask you:

1. What caused your old pastor to perform a background check on you? I think that's a shocking invasion of your privacy, so I'm glad that you've found a better church.

2. Thank you for your advice regarding my son. I've tried to help him to the best of my abilities and even with my attempts to clean him up (he puts so much emphasis on his singing that his hygiene is quite poor), but he just ignores me. How do you think I should discipline him? I've tried just about everything, including restricting his internet and video game usage, but nothing seems to work.

3. Have you ever considered hiring a manager? In my experience dealing with the entertainment industry (I managed one of my son's careers many years back), I know that it is a very tricky and cruel business. Like I've said, you possess a powerful talent, so you should definitely look into safeguarding it.

4. I don't mean to invade your privacy, but can you tell me anything about your parents? They've done a terrific job of raising you, and I'm curious to know what techniques they used. They should be very proud of how you turned out.

5. How did you decide to devote yourself to creating comic books? I was browsing through your gallery of original artwork on the CWCipedia and I was surprised by the sheer variety of your artwork... from Pokemon cards to CD covers to magazine covers, and so on.

Again, thank you so much for opening up this line of communication to you. I look forward to seeing where Sonichu will take you in the future!

Sincerely,

Joseph@undefined

It is likely that Chris is referring to Vivian Gee, who offers Chris advice on advertising and other subjects.

Instead the courts were on the side of justice
From: Dan Ferraro (danqferraro23@gmail.com)

Chris,

I'm pleased to see that my favorite cartoonist is answering so much fan mail, and during the holidays when most people are so stressed out and busy! Some of these people are being extremely rude and I think you're handling it with a lot of poise and maturity.

I'm actually writing you because you've said in a video that you were asked to leave the Wolf Scouts (it was Wolf Scouts, right?) for your Autism. I know the Boy Scouts of America have undergone some high-profile lawsuits for excluding certain minority group, but I was wondering why they'd make someone with an obvious disability leave their group. This seems highly unfair and would be the kind of thing I'd make a big fuss out of it ever happened to my child. (I'm not meaning to imply that you're extremely disabled or low-functioning here either, I mean you can drive a car and graduate from college, which are pretty big accomplishments for an autistic person.)

Also there's the incident with the Green County School District where you say that multiple staff members held you down and recorded your screams: I might have some insight to this. Did you ever lose your temper as a child? Why, exactly, were they recording you? My wife works in Special Ed in the schools and they're actually allowed to restrain children that have violent temper tantrums if they're a danger to themselves or others. The faculty are all given extensive training to make sure they don't actually injure the child. Believe me, the Special Ed teachers are there to help the children grow into functional adults, not to hurt kids. Exactly how badly were you injured during this? I know this was almost 20 years ago but people have been able to sue and win for injuries that have happened long ago.

Sorry if I'm prying, my brother's an attorney who handles discrimination lawsuits, and my mind started wandering. Personally I would have sued the pants off of both groups. But that's just me.

Merry Christmas,

- Dan@undefined

In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)
From: Madison Glen-Ross (ker0pi1999@gmail.com)

Hey Chris!!

I love your Sonichu comics!! My friends and I always try to stay up to date on what's cool!! I have a couple questions I hope you can answer!!

1. I was wondering if you could tell me more about your real-life powers. They seem very interesting. Can you only curse and bless people, or can you do other things? How and when did you find out about your powers? Sometimes I wish I had powers in real life, but nobody I know has them so I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. You must be really special!!

2. How come you don't wear those spiky wristbands and tattoo sleeves anymore? I had a bunch of those wristbands like Avril Lavigne but the school made me stop wearing them. Whatever!! Anyways I think they're really cool so you should wear them more often!!

3. Do you think it's all right for you to force your religion on people? I mean in the Sonichu comics you're supposed to dump a bunch of chemicals in the water supply so people will stop being gay so they'll get into Heaven. What if they're already happy being gay? And since heaven is where you get to do whatever you love to most, they'll just start being gay again once they get into Heaven. And what's the big deal with being gay anyway? You said yourself that the Bible's just a guideline and you don't have to do everything it says to be a good person. My uncle Ricky is really really gay and he's the nicest sweetest guy ever!! He's a Priest so I'm sure he's getting into Heaven.

Anyways have fun!!

Madison, age 10

<3 <3 <3 <3

xoxoxoxox

PS PUT BELLA AND EDWARD FROM TWILIGHT IN YOUR COMICS!!@undefined

Normal is relative
From: Johnny Marcus (johnny2day67@yahoo.com)

Hello again Chris, I've got another question for you. I'm curious as to what you were doing in between you getting fired from Wendy's and the start of your Love Quest (best of luck to you with that, BTW). You don't really seem to talk too much about that period, so what were you doing aside from attending PVCC? I hope there's some great drawings you did during that time.

Cheers, Johnny@undefined

Good/average size breasts
From: (ruaboutasize14@gmail.com)

Hey Chris, long-time fan! Issue 10 is going to be amazing! I'm so glad that you're going to put a bunch of Guitar Hero stuff in the comics (at least that's what it looks like, you could always surprise me)!

So how come you don't wear your old Ash Ketchum outfit anymore? Have you ever thought of Cosplaying as Chris-chan Sonichu?

Oh, and what do you find attractive in a woman?

See ya, Ed@undefined

** I'm feeling tired, and my right eye is bothering me; I will resume this mailbag and start the next tomorrow, as well as continue the Christmas Story.

Chris resumed answering the letters in this mailbag just after midnight on 18 December 2009.

There is wishful thinking in Hell as well as on Earth
From Damon (w3rk+3hp4+13n+@Gmail.com)

Hey Chris! I'm a big fan of your comics, and have been reading all of your recent mailbags. You seem to be giving out a lot off advice, so I was wondering if you could help me out!

1.) My job is sort of like a "life coach", I have to make the people I've been assigned to see things my way and do the things I need done. You'd think it would be easy considering the cools stuff I'm promoting, but it's actually really hard! Do you have any suggestions as to how to get people to follow your advice or do what you need them to do? I've seen a few of your videos where you ask people to do stuff like take down a web page or something. How did you get them to comply?

2.) My boss, (a JERK named Mr. Tape) works from the home office and is constantly sending me messages telling me how to do my job. These messages are all very stressful, and he often takes a very derogatory tone! What makes things even worse is that he's my UNCLE! Arguments with family members who are also authority figures are the worst! Have you had many arguments with family members/authority figures, like an uncle or your father? How did you get them to see your side of the story?

I also had a few quick questions about your comics. I hope you don't mind specifying a few things for me!

1.) In the episode about 4-Cent garbage, what's up with the big red receptionist guy? Is he sunburnt or something?

2.) I couldn't help but notice that Reginald Sneasel and the sunburnt guy at 4-Cent garbage both wear the same kinds of pants! Are they friends?

Thanks a bunch!

Your Pal,

Damon W.@undefined

Chris on murdering women in fiction
Jacob N. (jacob_n333@yahoo.com)

Good day, Chris!

When I was re-reading issues of Sonichu the other day, I suddenly came to realize two questions. One is serious, the other not so much. To begin with the lighter question, pun only slightly intended: I've heard you cite your dog Patti's old doghouse as weighing from five to ten tons. Judging from the photos of Patti's doghouse in an earlier issue of Sonichu, it couldn't possibly weigh more than fifty pounds, much less five tons--it's just wood and plastic. I remember that video where you lifted one "fifty-pound" box of soda in each hand (which of course only weigh about ten to twelve pounds)--is the "ten ton doghouse" another joke like that?

After thinking some on the doghouse, I of course soon remembered the dog, and something dawned on me. It seems weird that you memorialize your beloved pet by keeping her as a character in the comic, but that you memorialize the women you've loved by killing them off in ways even more gruesome than in real life (e.g. Ivy perishing in a terrible elevator accident instead of hanging herself, Panda Halo not merely dying during the brushfires but exploding). Patti is still a character years after her death, but Panda Halo's death seemed little more than an excuse to introduce some new characters and Ivy, despite all her buildup in previous issues, was killed off-screen and promptly ignored in favor of the ongoing plot. Why is that, Chris?

From where you readers stand, it seems that you love your pet dog--who was still just a dog, in the end--more than you love real flesh-and-blood women. Clearly that's not the case... so why do you immortalize your loved one's terrible deaths instead of who they were? I'm sure you didn't mean for it to come off that way, but I'm curious why you decided to do that in the first place.

Yours in the Cherokee nation, Jacob Nathaniel Lights-in-the-Sky@undefined

Chris on the homeless
From: Amanda Brown (ultimatefan88@gmail.com)

Chris,

Glad you've been keeping busy with so many updates! As a fan it's so great having new Sonichu stuff to read every day.

I was reading through the Sonichu & Rosechu Christmas story and was wondering why there are homeless people in CWCville? I thought CWCville was like your imaginary perfect city where the only problems were like giant robot attacks and stuff.

Have fun, Amanda@undefined

Time paradox
From: Seth Sethson  Chris, while I am a fan of your comic and I appreciate how you are attempting to tie up the loose ends so you can let the story be about Sonichu, I feel that I must point out a massive plothole.

In the story, you have sent Magi-chan to the future to take the crates containing enough of the anti-gay gene to cure the world back into the present and use them.

This creates a time paradox. If all homosexuality was cured in the present, there would not be a need for the cure in the present. Necessity is the mother of invention, so the cure would never be invented because nobody needed it.

I won't bore you further but I'll just point out that this is impossible and it makes you look incredibly lazy.@undefined

At normal best
From: Lynx Robinson  Hey Chris.

You always say you take it one moment at a time. Is that because it is all your brain can handle?@undefined

Chris the forgiver of brothers
From: Jessica Hughes  Hello Christian! This is Jessie Hughes, the preteen with the dirty, slanderous troll brother, Nathan! He told me he gave you a piece of his mind. I looked at the e-mail from the Rejected Mailbag, and I was so ticked off at him! I got my own e-mail so I could write to my hero, Christian Weston Chandler!

I have a few questions for you. 1) My brother and I are currently not speaking because of what he said to you.. What do you suggest I do? Should I stop talking to his meanie butt, or should we become loving siblings again? 2) Would you disown Sonichu if he became a homo? I would totally disown my son if he was gay, because this kid in my class, (not the old fart on TV), is gay and we throw rocks at him during recess, and I don't want my kid to be like him. 3) I'm truly very sorry about Nathan's comments against you. He's been a little angry lately because he's been having some "accidents" if you know what I mean, and that's why he FALSELY accused you of doing the same. Jessica P.S. I LOVE the comics, hun!@undefined

International economics
From:  Hello Christian.

I just watched your latest Youtube video, and I'd like to ask, why would you need donations from Europeans such as myself when you get $800 American Dollars from taxpayers every month? Is that not enough for you?@undefined

In which Chris lies about parody again
From: kittenhearts86@aol.com Dear Chris,

Have you ever considered doing a comic that doesn't rely on stealing ideas from other people (like how Sonichu steals from Sonic and Pikachu)? Theft is a sin after all.@undefined

He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle
From: mmmmgotohim@aol.com

My girlfriend is having a birthday party in a few days. She says she wants me to kiss her on her lips but I'm a little scared. What's it like kissing a girl on the lips?@undefined

In which Chris pretends to care
From: Hamsty the Hamster  I hope you realize you are turning into a monster. Read this: http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/03/26/bauer_autism/index.html

Look Chris, you were "successful" in high school with your "honor roll". What have you done since then? Face it, you should just seek help before you turn into a monster.@undefined