Jackie E-mails 7

These emails cover the period 31 July to 4 August 2010. Jackie gives Chris advice on how not to be a welfare leech/lazy fuck. Chris refuses to get off welfare entirely, and changes the subject to meeting her for hanky-panky. Chris sold nine games, but only for store credit, which he immediately applied to a reservation for LBP2: Collector's Edition. He also buys a $50 PSN card, also monthly, leaving him with $80 to his name, which, he claims, he plans to keep until the end of August.

Jackie calls him out on his bullshit, saying what we already know: He acts like mommy and daddy will clean up all his messes, revolves his life around his addictions, and is too lazy to go out of his way to make actual art for "his woman," Chris thinks that selling some games is "allowance" to buy another game, and totally not perpetuating the problem. Jackie makes a good point that he's using Rocky and not Bob to manage his debt. Chris admits that he would crash into slumber from the stress of Bob getting (justifiably) angry. Bob is checking Chris's bank account twice a day, and Chris is traumatized at the idea of his PS3 access being restricted. Chris pledges on a family member's grave to never get another credit card ever; rolling earthquakes with epicenters in Virginia graveyards have not yet been confirmed.

Emails
July 31, 2010 - 2:21pm

Hey Chris!

Ah, I did misunderstand some things, it seems. I wasn't aware that you paid your father rent. Okay, so you pay him $480 a month for rent, plus you currently pay him $100 in repayment for him settling your credit cards, so that's $580 a month total you give him, right? So out of $820 a month, you actually keep $240 after expenses, correct? I think I can maybe offer some help in this regard. I apologize if this letter is pretty long, but I want to make sure I have everything clear.

Let me try to figure this out out loud for myself. What position exactly did you apply for at Wal-Mart, like a greeter or cashier? Or did you just make a general application? I know some stores don't let you apply for specific positions, they just take your application and then look for a place they can put you as it becomes available. Do you know what the hourly rate is you would be starting at? Assuming it's $7.25 per hour, which is Virginia minimum wage, if you worked 40 hours a week you'd get $290 a week, or about $1160 a month. But that's assuming you stay at minimum wage, you could get a raise to more than that. If I remember right, their cashiers are actually supposed to start at a higher amount. So if you kept your SSI, you could make theoretically up to $1800 a month. Granted, that is a lot more. But to make up to that amount of $980 on the job at minimum wage, you'd need to have like 32 or 33 hours a week. Unless an employee is guaranteed full time, retailers are typically very erratic and unreliable in how many hours they give their employees; they give you however many hours they need you to be there that week and no more. I used to work retail, one week I'd get 25 hours, the next week I'd get maybe 10. And 25 was pushing it, retailers usually keep their employees at as few hours as possible, it saves a lot of money for them to do so. So don't be disappointed, but I wouldn't count on being able to get that full $1800 a month even under the best circumstances.

In answer to your question of what I would rather you do, I'd honestly (no criticism or harshness intended here, I'm just trying to be honest) rather that you go for a full-time job and get off the social security entirely. That wouldn't be easy to do in a short amount of time, starting at full-time right away is probably not possible, but as time goes on and you are with a company for longer, you should be able to get your employers to give you more time and promotions until you get there, at which point you could give up your SSI. My reason for saying this is because life isn't all about money, and just because you CAN get more money by staying on SSI doesn't mean you SHOULD. Remember Chris, like I said, SSI is meant for people who are unable to take care of themselves, you are able to take care of yourself if you apply yourself and work hard. And as you work toward having more hours and a better position, you would be able to gradually lessen your dependence on the SSI until you can do away with it entirely.

So wait, you have a new credit card that you're paying $50 a month on? May I ask, when exactly did you get this card? And also if I may ask, what is the limit on the card, and how close are you to that limit? And is it just the one card you have right now, or do you have more cards apart from the ones your father settled for you? I know these are kind of private questions, but I think it would help me be able to help you if you tell me. (Don't worry, I'll keep quiet about all of this, your secrets are safe with me.) So between the $580 to your parents, $50 on this card, and I'm guessing around $15 each a month for netflix and gamefly... wow, I guess you don't have much left over at the end, only like $150 after bills, is that about right?

Here's my advice to you, in several parts: One, I think you should cancel netflix and gamefly immediately. Aside from the money cost, they are both enabling your video game and tv habit. Two, I think you should take an inventory of all the video games you own, figure out the ones you haven't played in a while, and sell those. I know you have a lot of older games, right? There are probably some retro game stores around town, they pay good money for any old games they can get their hands on because they're hard to find. Right now those games are just taking up space and feeding your habit. I know you've had impulsive weakness in the past, but trust me, getting rid of the thing that's tempting you is the best way to grow out of it. I know it seems grim sometimes, but trust me, your impulsive shopping habits aren't related to your autism at all, you can beat them. The first step is always hard like ripping off a bandaid, but it's necessary to move forward, you just have to step up and do it.

In fact, maybe I can help you with figuring out which games to get rid of and which ones are valuable and you can make good money on. I have a request: Would you be willing to take inventory of all your video games and send it to me? I mean literally every game you own, every system, every console, whether you've owned it for a month or for twenty years. Everything from your playstation 3 down to your old sega genesis. I won't ask you to dump all of it, going cold turkey isn't easy to do. But if I know exactly what you have it will help me help you. I bet it wouldn't take more than a few hours to do. Would you do that for me? Please? ;)

Now, on to other stuff. You say your parents would call the police on you if you went to Otakon? I just don't get how they would do so. I guess if your car is in their name, they could legally punish you for taking it without their permission, but couldn't you have gotten on a greyhound bus to otakon? From Charlottesville to Baltimore, a bus ride wouldn't be very expensive. And like I said, if you told them you were going, they wouldn't be able to file a missing person report. And as for them taking your money, isn't the SSI your money, not theirs? They don't have a legal right to it, do they? I'm glad that they are supportive of you having a girlfriend, but it just worries me a little that you don't seem willing to challenge them when you have a different opinion from them. It's sweet that you think they'll like me, but the truth is, sometimes parents don't like their child's significant other.

Aww, I'm glad we started talking together again too, Chris :) It's so sweet to know that I bring this much joy to someone I care about. I look forward to finally meeting you in person.

XOXOXO

Jackie@undefined

August 1, 2010 - 6:12pm

Hey Chris,

So you're only paying $50 a month on the Best Buy card? Chris, you'll never pay it off at that rate. Those store cards have ridiculous interest rates just to take advantage of people who don't pay them off right away. Big businesses like Best Buy really aren't even stores, they're banks - they literally make money only off their credit card interest, the merchandise they sell doesn't earn them anything. You need to pay that card off immediately. And unfortunately, I know you don't have the money on hand to do that yourself, so I think you're going to have to go to your father again and ask him to relieve it for you. Because otherwise you'll just be pouring $50 a month into a black hole, because the interest will swallow that up and keep getting bigger.

Now you're not even going to hear me out on getting rid of your games? This just makes me so frustrated Chris, because you shoot me down and REFUSE to even CONSIDER getting rid of your precious video games for the consoles you listed - Chris, those ARE vintage consoles! Why do you need all those games? Chris, I counted from the list you sent me, for all those consoles combined you have a total of 193 GAMES. WHY do you need 193 GAMES?? And that's just for those consoles, you have more than 225 GAMES for all the OTHER consoles, and I doubt you mean to get rid of all of those. Why would you want to hold on to all of these games, Chris? Why? What do they do for you? Is it about nostalgic memories? I hate to be harsh, but the fact is that if that's the case, then those nostalgic memories are the ONLY thing you're going to have left, because these games are consuming your life!

Face it Chris, there are only two types of people who would have that many games: Collectors, and Addicts. The difference between the two is that a collector can manage the other parts of his life just fine, whereas an addict's life is overrun by his possessions and they are the only thing he thinks about. You are the latter. YOU are an addict. Chris, you say that you talk to a pastoral counselor about your problems like the trolls, correct? Have you even brought this issue up to her at all? I bet you haven't, because I REFUSE TO BELIEVE that she would consider trolls taking pictures of you to be a greater problem than the THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS YOU WASTE ON SOMETHING THAT IS DESTROYING YOUR LIFE. If you really expect this woman to help you you need to be HONEST with her.

You keep saying that you are trying to curb your impulses and make up for your past mistakes, but all I see is that you repeat them over and over. And you say that you do not wish to increase your current monthly payment, well, like I said, what you do pay is just going into a black hole, then. When did you get this card, Chris? Was it after your father relieved your previous cards? Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't have any cards? Maybe you shouldn't be managing your own money, period. Especially if you're at risk of getting another card as soon as this current one is taken care of.

&#42;UGH* I'm sorry if I sound mad, but I was just stressed and needed to vent about that, plus I think you needed to hear it bluntly. Because you have a serious problem and I think you don't listen to anyone about it unless they force you to. I want you to get better Chris, and I also want us to have a chance, but you just seem so unwilling to change your habits even when they're ruining your life and that saddens me.

On to other stuff... I hope you get the job at Wal-Mart. When does the store open? Remember what I said, they most likely won't give you 28-30 hours every week; usually retail stores are pretty erratic in the hours they give part-time employees, some weeks they may ask you to work 35, other weeks you may only get 10. It all depends on how much they need you, they won't give employees one hour more than they have a need to. I would recommend trying to get your foot in the door to full-time work, because then it would be guaranteed, and you'd have a greater possibility of promotions down the road.

How are things going on the troll forum, have you posted any more stuff there or found anything out? I'm embarrassed to say I kind of forgot about it so I haven't gone there since the last time we talked about it. I'm in Delaware currently, I'll probably be home around the 17th or 18th, things got pushed back a little, I may be going to western Pennsylvania for a little bit.

Don't feel too sad or anything about what I wrote here, okay? Like I said, I only am trying to shock you a little bit because I think you need to be shocked. Write back and let me know how things are going, okay?

XOXOXO

Jackie

August 1, 2010 - 6:15pm

Also, I forgot to thank you for putting together that list for me, I'm glad you did that :)

Jackie@undefined

August 2, 2010 - 1:47pm

I'm not sure myself what store you would go to to sell your vintage games, I don't know any specific person or store, but I'm sure there's at least one or two somewhere in Charlottesville. Do a google search for it, I'm sure it will come up.

Like I said, I didn't mean to seem like I was shouting or anything. In person I don't really shout ever. When I type in all caps like that, that would be the equivalent of me talking sternly in-person, but I'd still be calm and civil. I don't like to yell, it makes things worse for everyone. I'm glad you understand, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, I was kind of worried that maybe I had.

How much money do you have leftover after everything you give your dad each month? Wasn't it like $240 or something? The only expenses you really have are food and the best buy card, correct? If you budget yourself out well, cut out the fast food and restaurants, you should be able to feed yourself for a month on not much money at all. I've been in tight spots before where I had to cut back on everything, if I'm careful and frugal I can feed myself for a month on no more than maybe $60 or $70, and some people get by on even less. That leaves like $150 you could put toward your Best Buy card per month, which would actually make a dent in it. I really think you should pay as much as you possibly can on the card. I know you don't want your dad to find out because he'll get mad at you, but don't you think he has a right to be mad? I mean, he had to relieve your debts for you and probably made it clear that he didn't want you having cards again, but you've lied to him and gotten another card - and as things are going, you may very well not be able to take care of this card on your own. I mean, he's taken care of you all your life, I think he deserves for you to be honest with him and not betray his trust. And keep in mind what I said, the chances of you actually getting the 30 hours a week you want is pretty low...

I hope you're serious that you're considering getting rid of all your games; in your previous email you did say "I am willing to concentrate in the Vintage Console Games, but DEFINITELY NOT any from my Game Boy, SNES, N64, Sega Saturn,Sega CD, and 32X collections". That's a quote direct from you, so I feel my response was justified. But I understand if you were shocked by the thought initially, addicts often are when confronted with their problem. I think it would help to give yourself something of a rigid timetable. For example, I think you should pick ten games from your collection - any ten, from any consoles you want - and sell them by this Friday the 6th. Do you think you can do that for me? Like I said, do a google search for vintage game retailers around Charlottesville for your older games. If they don't want them, or they don't offer a decent price because they're not worth much or whatever, you can take them to Goodwill or something - Goodwill, Salvation Army, they always take games so they can give them to the less fortunate children, I'm sure. Newer games like your PS2, PS3, gamecube, and so on I'm sure Gamestop would take. I'm pretty sure Gamestop will give you better prices if you bring in a bulk amount of games at once. But regardless, I want your goal to be to get rid of 10 games by Friday, so if you aren't offered a satisfactory price for a game or no one wants it, then replace it with another game from your list and try to sell THAT. Will you do this for me?

You really should go back on the troll forum, I thought you were really excited to get on there? You know, another good point of getting rid of your video game addiction is that you'll have more time for other pursuits and interests. Check the email you used for jenkinsjinkies, I'll bet they've been writing you, I know they were eager to have you there.

Whoops, I didn't realize what time it was, I need to get going. I'll be on later, so I hope to hear from you soon!

XOXO

Jackie@undefined

August 3, 2010 - 3:16pm

Hi Chris.

Uh, I'm not really sure where to start... I'm not sure you've really understood anything I've said.

Why are you spending $50 on PSN cards every month? You said that you have learned from the mistakes of your spending habits, but clearly you haven't if you are still dropping $50 a month on video games. How can you claim to have learned from your mistakes when you are choosing to spend all this money on games while you know you have a debt of HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS on a credit card that you know you shouldn't have? Honestly, I feel kind of bad for your parents, I think the fact that they relieved you of your debts previously taught you that it was okay for you to spend all you want because they'll clean up the mess when it all comes crashing down. If you really cared about them you wouldn't force them to do that repeatedly - yet you're choosing to ignore your debts while you still have a chance of taking care of them without your parents' help.

I guess I didn't spell it out exactly, but when I wanted you to sell ten games, I meant so you could get cash for them. Selling them for store credit so you can buy another video game isn't doing yourself any good at all. A regular game costs $60 these days, so what is the collector's edition going to cost? At least $80? Or more, maybe? I'm sorry sweetie, but for the purposes of my assignment that won't count. I want you to sell ten MORE video games, for cash this time. And that money is not to go to the purchase of any new video games.

Chris, you do understand the purpose of our talking about your video game addiction, right? The purpose is to end it. When I wanted you to sell ten games, I thought I was helping you transition slowly; I was thinking to myself "well, he has to get rid of ten games for now but he still has hundreds more he can play, we'll get to those in time as he becomes adjusted to the idea of getting rid of his games". I honestly didn't even consider the idea that you were still buying NEW video games, because given your situation that seemed so absurd that even though I know you're an addict, I thought you still understood better. You honestly had me fooled.

Thank you for the modnation character you made of me. Although honestly, it's just kind of a reminder of your addiction that even when you want to make a sweet gesture for me, you can't do it outside of video games. Aren't you an artist? Didn't you think of maybe drawing a picture of me? That would be much sweeter, if you did that for me.

Jackie@undefined

August 4, 2010 - 1:42pm

Chris, I'm so sorry that happened... At least the payment won't go through, right? Sounds like you can get the fees reversed, though?

I read that forum post you linked me to. It says that they couldn't go through with it because their guy on the inside turned out not to be on the inside, he was fucking with the trolls? Like, he was trolling the trolls themselves. But something still happened... I wonder if it was just a freak coincidence that an error happened? Or maybe someone else not from that forum did it? I don't know Chris, it's freaky. But at least they haven't done any real damage.

So you're telling your dad about the card? The circumstances that caused this suck but at least you're coming clean to him, which was going to happen anyway. So he has to pay off the card? How does he feel about it? Is he really mad?

I hope you won't get another card again, Chris. This behavior really does have to stop. Not because of some hacker troll, but because you were digging yourself into a grave with your addiction. Maybe you should talk to your dad about managing all your spending from now on. Actually, I'd ask him if he would specifically keep an eye on your video game spending. Like, ask him to keep note of all your receipts and stuff. In fact, it might be a good idea if you ask him to hold onto your PS3 for a while. I think you probably spend more time on that system than any other, right? Maybe you should ask him to lock it away for a week or something, give you a chance to see what you can do with yourself when you don't have access to it.

I know things suck right now and you're probably feeling pretty down. But maybe forcing yourself to get up and go outside to do stuff will help you feel better. I think you should definitely try to go sell some video games this week like you originally planned. Maybe your dad would be touched if you sold some stuff and then gave him the cash you got as a partial repayment for his relieving you. You know, a little sign that you're trying to make up for your mistakes.

I'm kind of curious why you're talking to your church counselors about all this? I mean, isn't your dad already dealing with it with you? Like I've been saying, I think you should be talking to your counselors about your addiction problems. I mean, they're there to help you with your problems and imperfections, right? I don't get how they can help you deal with this bank thing. Besides, if they had known previously about your card that you couldn't pay off, they probably would have told you to come clean with your dad in the first place.

Well, anyway, my eyes are green. I usually wear jeans and flipflops, I have a bunch in different colors, nothing fancy. I'd love to see you do a drawing of me, but get to it when you can, I know you have other stuff to deal with.

Take care, and let me know what's going on.

XOXO

Jackie@undefined

August 4, 2010 - 7:06pm

Hi Chris.

That's okay, you can wait til next week if you want to sell some games. You've got enough going on right now.

I know you aren't comfortable with the idea of him taking your console, but I think it might be a good idea for you. Sometimes we can't grow unless we force ourselves to endure a situation where we aren't as comfortable as we would like, it makes us stronger through adversity. I think you should really consider it. Even maybe just to be prepared for it, because it's possible your dad might decide on his own to take it away for a bit, if he feels you can't be trusted with the PSN purchases. But try not to worry about it for now. I'm glad you're sworn off credit cards. They can be death traps for even the most resolute and strong-willed of people.

I can't remember if I asked, but when does the new Wal-Mart open? Have you been able to talk to anyone over there about it yet? I'm excited to see what you find out about it.

Chris, overall, I'm actually pretty impressed with you and how you have been handling this situation. Even though this is a very tough time for you, you seem like you're staying pretty calm and keeping a cool head about how to deal with it. I just want to let you know that I am proud of that and you deserve some recognition for it. ;)

I'll write more later (and can't wait to see your drawing of me :),

XOXO

Jackie@undefined