Mailbag 7

Uploaded on 29 November 2009, Mailbag 7 was the seventh batch of letters for Chris to answer/censor.

This mailbag contained several encore appearances of people featured in previous mailbags, namely the devout 14-year old girl, aspiring artist Emmy Bardot, and Alaskan native Levi Johnston. There were a few emails carefully designed to gently bring up topics that Chris was in serious denial about, such as his obesity. There were also a few weird ones, like a Muslim boy's life being put in jeopardy by his love of Sonichu, and some wacko promoting 2D love.

Chris was scheduled to answer them all on the 29th, but he didn't actually get around to it until 1 December. His responses were more pompous and condescending than ever. The irony in lecturing about employment and cleaning seemed to be completely lost on him. He responded to the second letter in the mailbag by explaining why he was fully justified in closing his mind to the idea of autism and Asperger's Syndrome being similar; then in the very next letter, he berated someone for following a closed-minded religion. Presumably, Chris wanted her to open her mind and her vagina. Other highlights included Chris desperately trying to come up with ways the Rosechus are different, and claiming that Albert Einstein was autistic.

Good housekeeping
From:  Chris,

First, thank you for taking the time to answer all these fan letters!

Anyway, my apartment is a HUGE MESS right now, and I just can't seem to get motivated to start cleaning, or even where to start for that matter. It's getting out of control, some of my neighbors are complaining about the smell and I feel embarrased about having anyone over. The fridge smells really bad too and I'm afraid to even look in there.

Do you have any advice? How do you find the motivation to start cleaning house when the task is so overwhelming? If you have any ideas I'd love to hear them.

Hungrily yours, Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer@undefined

Oh shit another Asperger's email
From: Arizona Bay  Hi, Chris.

Please do not jump to any conclusions here. I would ask that you read the entire message before responding.

I've got a little question for you. As you're no doubt aware, plenty of other people sending you mail have asked questions regarding your stance on Asperger's Syndrome. You, of course, have responded that your mind is closed to discussion. I'd like to ask you a question about this: how can you honestly doubt, with absolute surety, the statements of medical professionals? I noticed that at least one poster here on the mailbag has stated that he is in medical school. Have you ever attended medical school, Mr. Chandler? No, you have not. You have no understanding of psychology whatsoever, so how can you be so certain that Asperger's is "TOTALLY DIFFERENT" from autism?

A closed mind is a credulous mind, Mr. Chandler, and everyone is wrong once in a while.

(Incidentally, I have some experience in psychology and have acted as an orderly in special education schools, so a great deal of this comes from personal experience.)

Yours, Arizona Bay.@undefined

Grrrlpowaanow 2: the Christianing
From: grrrlpowaanow@aol.com I am writing this in response to your response to my email.

First, I am disappointed that you "rejected" my email. It wasn't offensive or mislabeling. It was honest content from my true heart and, like you said, you should be a man and take criticism. My criticism of your comic is that it goes against God and the Bible, and it does in the instances I've mentioned.

Second, it does not matter if either nun was or wasn't a lesbian. The Bible says every child deserves one mother and one father. Not two mommies, like the homosexuals do, because that confuses the child's gender. I'm greatly disappointed that you would promote anti-Christian ideals like girls having two moms.

Third, sex is meant to be done for procreation only. Anything else is sin, plain and simple. Sex done in public is also a sin. Read the Bible. It is very specific that sex is meant to be done between one man and one woman, and that's it. Not an audience, and not "for fun." God hates hanky-panky, and Hell is full of perverts who enjoy looking at pornographic material.

Fourth, "Rosechu became a wild beast" is no excuse. In fact, it's even worse that you would insinuate that women can't control their emotions and just fly off the hinges like they animals and not even human. Is that what you think of women? That they're animals and not people? You're awful.

I brought your Sonichu comics up with my Bible studies class and they all agree that your comic goes against God and the Bible, and they all agreed that I should stop reading it. I don't understand how you could be so naive as to think that God would even tolerate "recreational" sexual relations, especially when you know that God hates the homosexuals. After all, why do you think He hates the homosexuals? It's because the sex they have is only for "recreation" and therefore goes against God. Hanky-panky goes against God. Premarital sex (which you've depicted with your other characters, most recently Angelica and Reginald Sneasel) goes against God. Quit spitting on the God Almighty with your Sonichu comics and reconsider the changes I've suggested, if not for the sake of the comic, then at least for the sake of your immortal soul.

May God have mercy on you.@undefined

An inkling that this is a joke letter
From: Cad Earnest  Hello Chris, next March I am going to be involved in a stage play however my role requires me to gain a lot of weight in a short amount of time. I've checked some of your youtube videos a couple of months apart and you seem to have accomplished getting fat extremely qucikly. Could you provide me with hints or tips to get fat very quickly? This will be very important to my career as an actor so please tell me all you know about gaining weight.@undefined

The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff
From: Hamsty the Hamster  Yo yo yo, I just got a quick question for you.

What's the difference, personality-wise, not physically (anyone with eyes can see that), between all the female characters? Rosechu, Angelica, Bubbles, Lolisa, Simonla, Chloe, Patti, Megagi, Layla, Zapina

I'd like a sentence or two description of each, thanks.@undefined

Strict on homosexuality
From: Heather C  ** Please respond, Christian.**

Hey Chris!

My name's Heather and I'm a 22 year old from Topeka, Kansas. I'm quite interested in your life and your Sonichu comic, it's all excellent work, and my friends love it as well!

I have one question though, please read it: Chris, why are you so strict about homosexuality? I understand you are not one yourself - quite the opposite actually - but you seem to care a lot more about The Bible's supposed message against same sex couples than anything else it preaches.

I mean, I have gay and lesbian friends, and they're all generally normal people. Love is love, no matter who's involved. (to be honest, I even hook up with previous mentioned lesbian friends occasionally... nothing I'm ashamed of)

Are you saying they can't feel love each other? that their sub-human? My buddy Josh happens to be one of the kindest, generous people I know. His boyfriend could go on and on about how great of a guy he his. (...I bet if you knew him, you wouldn't have anything against him if he was straight. At all)@undefined

Yes you can sail the seven seas
From: @aol.com Mr. Chandler,

If you are a truly and honestly a patriotic American like you claim, you would have considered joining the Navy. Our nation needs men like you with your elbow-greased strength and speed-thinking skills and quick-sorting abilities. Please consider signing up at your nearest recruiter.

Thank you,

Drill Instructor Zim

Sergeant, United States Navy SEALs@undefined

Like a pimp
From: Emmanuelle Bardot 

Oh no! I forgot to include the picture!!! Oh well, here is the message again, WITH the picture! Hello Chris! It is me again! This time I have completed some fan art (it is not very good!). I drew Sonichu as an "Uptown Dude" with his Rosechu at his side. I also included a photo of their creator, Mr Christian Weston Chandler (that's you!) visit them as their "trick" (friend). Hope you like it, I look forward to see your reply!!! from Emmy

xxxxx@undefined

Hexbox economics
From: William Anthony  Dear Chris,

You say that you hate the Xbox 360 because the online service costs money. While this is a perfectly logical choice, there's something I'd like to know. How do you feel about downloadable content in video games, and how much do you purchase? Because if you're buying a lot of DLC, the membership costs for Xbox Live really aren't that much.

Thanks, Bill@undefined

Michael Parker's last stand
From: Michael Parker  Hello Christian, I was wondering what your definition of Asperger's syndrome is? If you are so adamant in claiming that Asperger's is nothing like High Functioning Autism, perhaps you could enlighten us as to the differences? I have a feeling you are just mistaken as to the definition of Asperger's, as an intelligent individual like yourself would certainly not be naive and stubborn and refuse to accept the truth. Sincerely, Dr. Michael Parker@undefined

In which Chris destroys an Iranian family
From: Rashid Ali Abdul  Salaam. I am grateful to be emailing the Sonichu creator himself.

I live in islamic republic of Iran in the middle east. I recently found your comic Sonichu and enjoy it very much. I have been translating Sonichu to Arabic for many people to enjoy. However, I have big problem. My parents do not approve of your comic and have declared it haraam. They think it is sacrilegious and defies the supreme will of Allah.

They found the pages on my computer. They saw comic where characters engage in fornication, sex before marriage, which is forbidden in Islam. They also think that Sonichu promote many thing that are not "halal."

I do not know what to do. My parents have threaten to disown me and I fear for even worse, I fear for my life. Please tell me what to do. Everyone is against me but I am not an infidel, I only wish to spread word of Sonichu to the middle eastern world.@undefined

Love in two dimensions
From: Brad Newman  Hello there, Christian Weston Chandler. I've read a lot of you and your real life adventures and found your struggle of getting a woman to be heart-breaking. No man should ever feel as lonely as you most likely do. That's why I come to you with a suggestion. Why not marry a 2D anime or video game character? With a little imagination (I'm sure you have a lot of it), they're about as good as a real girl. Trust me on this one. After trying and failing to find the woman that was right for me, I moved on to 2D love. IT'S AMAZING. 2D women will never betray you, never demand lavish gifts for sex, and never steal all of your shit when they inevitably divorce you. 2D women can't necessarily love you back, but your love for them should be enough to get by. Unless, of course, you're a selfish womanizer who always demands things in return. But, hey, with advances in artificial intelligence, she might just be able to!

So think it over, pick out your ideal 2D lover, and enjoy your new life of happiness!@undefined

GET A JOB, DUDE
From:  Man, I've been trying hard to keep it together. It hurts man. We even had two kids together (one had Down Syndrome, a type of Autism) and she still left me. Her hot-shot family treats me like white trash.

How am I supposed to win her back, man? Flowers don't cut it. Chocolates don't cut it. My trim, taught bod don't cut it. Honesty, compassion and True Love definitely don't cut it. The only thing left to give her is money, and I can't give her none of that 'cause I ain't got a job.

So what can I do?

Laters man.@undefined

Harry Potter: total spaz
From: Ale Leal  Hi CWC, im a big fan, zap to the extreme! I gotta ask you a couple of things: 1- Who do you think is the most important artist in the latest century? 2-Which is your favorite book? 3- Why do you hate harry potter? 4- If they gave you the chance to be president, do you think you would be up to the challenge? 5- Who do you think is better, Marquez or Dickens? 6- I love Sonichu, but i gotta ask you man, would you move to a different project if sonichu doesn't show profit in the next five years or someone in the professional industry told you is not good enough?

Thanks a lot man, if i ever see a troll, i will kick him in the groin.@undefined

In which Chris acts unreasonable while calling everybody else unreasonable
From: Douglas Cramer  Good evening. My name is Douglas Cramer. I am a 28 year old high functioning autistic male. I have been reading about you and what you've been up to for a while now. And one thing I do not understand is why do you always try to argue with neurotypicals? Please understand, I am also a high functioning autistic male. I have the same level as autism as you have. So do not be offended. We are on the same terms here. From what I've seen, you constantly find yourself in arguments with full functional people (neurotypicals), where you "close your mind" to what they have to say and refuse to admit when you may be wrong. I understand that Autism has a nasty habit of making you stubborn and wanting things your way, and shutting things out. But what I don't understand is, how can you disagree with people with fully functional minds? I mean, if Albert Einstein, a genius (whose functioning cannot be measured), were to talk to a normal average person, wouldn't they instantly listen to what he says? In the same regard, doesn't it make sense to show that kind of respect to those with fully functional minds? Those without autism? Obviously, I am not saying to listen to someone who says to jump off a cliff. But for things that are actually reasonable, and come from fully sound minds, why is it that you constantly deny knowledge from them? I eagerly await your response. Sincerely, Douglas Cramer@undefined

Chris doesn't want to talk about incontinence
From: Jessica Lindon  Hi Chris...I have something I want to tell you. Something I've never been able to tell anyone else out of shame. I, well, I sometimes poo my pants when I'm nervous or people yell at me. It's really embarrassing, and I can't seem to stop. I tried talking to my doctor, but it didn't help. I know you used to suffer from the same problem, I was wondering if you could offer me some good advice? Like, what do you do to control yourself if you feel it coming on? Have you ever had an "accident" in public? What would you suggest as a method of hiding the smell/stains until I can get home & change?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :]@undefined