By the book, Buy the book plus update

By the book, Buy the book plus update is a video released on 10 April 2017. Chris, appearing to be extra slow-minded today, tries to persuade us that his album of stamps is worth $1,000, even without the value-adds promoted in a previous video. Slack-jawed, accompanied by his infamous "deer in headlights" stare, Chris stammers more than usual to promote what he is selling.

In classic Chris fashion, he fucked up on one half of the title, spelling "buy" as "by" on the first "By the book" while getting it correct on the second "Buy the book". Alternatively, this may had been a failed attempt at a pun. "By the book" is an old American idiom meaning "Correctly" or "according to the rules", which of course — apart from sounding exactly the same — has nothing to do with Chris's following statement.

Video
"I want to assure y'all that y'all gettin' a good buy when you buy this book"

- For $1000

Description

Transcript
[Music]

Hello everybody, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again. Talk a bit more about- ahhh my very sentimental stamp album... for beginners. Although yes, it may be outdated, I want to assure y'all that y'all gettin' a good buy when you buy this book, and I can ass - and which I can definitely verify.

First off, the ol' signature's, uh, printed that this thing's (?) reading my handwriting backwards, I mean this is my handwriting back-sincerely back from 1992, and definitely spells "Christopher" at first, but then I had changed my name around that time afterwards, and so I end up just adding, in pencil, just went from Christian to Christoph- from Christopher to Christian right there? I assure you that is me definitely. Me, my own handwriting. I mean just... You can't do much better matching my wr- handwriting in the past, compared to my handwriting of the present, ok?

So anyway, uh, I show you the bonuses in a little bit. I previously picked out 10 s- [pause] UN stamp covers from the-from my father's collection, that I have not posted it onto eBay whatsoever... Anyway there's all that- and then I got some bonus addishal random stamps, these little... envelopes right here they're going with that as well. [Soft, almost unintelligible while setting down stamp booklets] That's that.

[Soft sound of pages turning throughout] And I'll just go through it uh, one page at a time, let y'all see that you're getting your money's worth for the stamps inside. Aside from, have some claim-the ones from... that were po- that were photographed in the article. [Quiet muttering; possibly about a staple] And we just take a look inside you'll see, all these stamps. Um, well, [cellphone notification] minus the ones that are black and white 'cause those are printed in there- but the ones that are color, you definitely get- those are actual stamps, you see all them? The onethay're [sounds like a conjunction of "ones that are"] out, here and there?

On these pages of which I personally have put them in... And a few other stamps loose and about in there. And, I put some more in there but myself on these other additional m-pages... Um, my father taught me how to 'tatch all these st-stamps, and I put 'em into the categories of the countries? [Strong accent only on "countries"] Uh, but there was there used to be a stamp shop at Smarts-Charlottesville where I got all these [sharp whistle on "these"] stamps from? Just, randomly? Few at a time, but I'll, yeah, so them. Mm. Don't have any actual stamps inth- but you can see that most of the pages in here actually have the stamps in them. Okay?

[Still flipping pages; previous monologue devolves into listing countries on the pages; short pauses throughout.] Yeah, but uh, Gah! I picked a lot from Ol' Canada. [Loud page turn] [Soft sentimental nasal occlusive.] Just because there weren't enough room in the pages! Huh! An there's no one from PAKISTANsh [unconvincing Pakistani accent] Huh. Heh, funny. Hungah-ree. Italee. Japan! [Long pause] Mm. But there's no page there, m- Peru! Philippines. [Soft musical fanfare from Chris] Ehh, one from the U.A.E! Um, I forget what that acronym is for! Okay? Ehh, extra pages, for Special Stamps.

[Chris steps away, closing the album and grabbing the stand-alone pages to present.] So anyway, you can see there: lots of stamps! In this album, with the bonus covers, and um, addishno stamps. And don't forget, uhh, as I have stated in the previous video, previous videos. [turning to retrieve his toys] For th' time only, you'll get one of- one of the extra created Son'chu figures with all accessories included. [Turns, retrieves the next toy] Eeh- You get the... Skylander Imagineers figure of myself. [Loud crunch] Along with the [pause, turn] functional train car (trading card) that I custom ba-that I'll personally put on back of. By the way, thanks to the selling of this to'em po (totem pole) which that I'll be shipping that this week to the person that bou't it. I bought the t-shirts, and all of the, all the all [long pause, looking very lost] tr- all the- cards- for that giveaw- for that giveaway. Also, ahh, [flicks hair over ear] I replaced something very valuable of my mother, for my mother, so she's prob'ly [unintelligible] for dat.

[Drawing hand slowly through hair behind ear in a dark parody of vulnerability] But we having to make a payment to daah, to ours to uh Sirrus again? My mom promised them to make a payment after her money comes in this week? So, yeah that's gonna leave us be-behind so I'm hoping we sell the stamp album this week. Oh! And the t-shirt! The t-shirt... uh, which I've got buried under all this stuff! [Voice rises to high squeak] Ehh! You also get the t-shirt. I bought enough t-shirts in la- in extra large. [cellphone notification] I did that. I definitely did that. Thanks to the totem pole th- by th- to'em po' sale there. [Chris drops one of the extra sheets with stamps, glances down, waffles twice, nearly bending to retrieve it] Now... help us break even, for at least right now, by buyin' the stamp album. Be an instant winner! 'Cause, I will be havin' make three- aside from the prototype, [initially holds up three fingers and thumb; lowers thumb] three Sonichu figures. I've got the tuh- I've got two of them in the works, and I've got have... but I'm hopin' we sell this one, and th- if this one sells, [distant dog cry] I will definitely make the third one. As I have stated now, okay? So...

And also aside from that, uh, the first of the returning Captain's Log videos will be later this week, probably on Thursday, or Friday. That's my est- that's my guess. I have a mild topic to talk about then? So, look forward to that. Okay? So, thank you very much, and... have a good day.