Jackie E-mails 26

These e-mails cover correspondence between Chris and Jackie from 6 May to 19 May 2011. Jackie continues to call Chris out on his hypocrisy for telling her that she's spending money frivolously, but he doesn't rise to it. He tries to elicit pity by saying he's confused by online communication and doesn't know who to trust. Eventually he calms down, saying that now that he's a tomgirl, they have more in common. Throwing caution to the wind, she uses blatant sarcasm to criticize his ego and laziness, but of course he's too stupid to pick up on it. Chris is shockingly detached from his father in his failing health, seeing him even in these last months as an argumentative jailor who should be avoided. He doesn't seem to know a thing about his father's personality or character. His mother, meanwhile, in an effort to kill the tomgirl within him, cuts his hair, forcing him to call her a bitch. He wears a magic charm to make it grow back more quickly, and in the meantime, wears a wig in public.

May 6, 2011 11:29pm

Chris, $2,000 really isn't that much for a fine quality piece of craftsmanship like this set. Conversely, how much have you spent on your PSN? at least twice that much, probably a lot more, and that's on kiddy games that you don't even own physical copies of - those games aren't really yours, you're basically just renting them from the distributor. Digital distribution is a terrible investment because if the PSN ever goes down or Sony sells it or something, you would just up and lose all that you had. $4,000 right down the shitter. I think THAT'S outrageous - you talk about how I don't "need" things like these chopsticks or any other hobby, but you don't include your own silly hobby in that statement. But we've discussed that before. But you didn't really offend me, you just kind of confused me.

Anyway, I'll inputt your suggestion for the cell phone into consideration. But for the mean time, I am still saving every cent I have for my chopsticks! :)

And I really like the letter! It was very well-put. Although I notice a factual inaccuracy: You say that Sony is not to blame for the hacking and data loss, but that's actually not true. Sony was incredibly inept, complacent, and careless about how they handled their customers' data, there was NO encryption whatsoever on personal information, it was like they just put peoples' credit cards on a silver platter and said "here you go trolls, come get some". But before this happened they claimed they did have encryption, which means they lied to their customers too. See? They have NO respect for their users, you included. What an awful, awful company.

Well, I gotta go to bed. Goodnight!!

XOXO

Jackie@undefined May 7, 2011 11:49pm

Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Your video game purchases weren't "small amounts", they were sometimes in the hundreds of dollars per month. Honest workers lose their jobs and go broke and homeless while you get the collector's edition of new PS3 games that comes out. To follow your pen analogy, you spend $100 on a video game that often you'll never touch again after playing it for a month (as shown by your PSN activity). And what does the current economical times have to do with your situation? You keep getting your same monthly tugboat, and buying new games, no matter how people who actually have to earn their living are suffering. I just don't think you are in a position to be saying anything about the economy, or my behvior in reaction to it.

I thought you were done with the internet? You swore off of it a long time ago. Why do you still care what's on the internet? The cwcki isn't going to stop you from getting a job or anything like that. The kinds of jobs you apply for, like Wal-Mart and McDonalds and so forth, do not google your name; they hire ex-cons and former drug addicts, they regularly hire people that would be considered "unhireable" by other employers, they don't care about their employees past. And many people have told you that and shown you proof of that. So you're either done with the internet or you're not, which is it?

And what have I done to earn your mistrust? I haven't done shit to you. I didn't release your pictures, so why should you not trust me? Why should I have to "earn" your trust? You were never interested in earning my trust. What exactly do you want me to do? I think we should start with a blank slate, otherwise I don't see how this can work.

Honestly, you're just confusing the hell out of me.

Jackie@undefined

May 8, 2011 5:43pm

Hey Chris. I have a few points to respond to you in regards to your concerns. They are as follows:

Lars went out, came back, then left again Your old gal-pal Ivy died in an elevator accident, then you referred to me by her in not one but two addresses to me. I sense your feelings are still strong for him her. You put chopsticks your Playstation 3 that won't care for you back over getting in better touch with a new computer in order to stay in communication with someone who already does care about you. And not to mention my currently ongoing paranoia of the Trolls disappointment in your unwillingness to be honest with me ill feels for a long-distance any relationship which hasn't been brough closer and my feeling discomfort in communication through digital text your continual renegging of promises that you made to me that only lead to a non-immediate response that can only be better put in person and/or in vocal me getting nothing while you continue to play the victim card and act like I'm being unreasonable when all I want is for you to give effort without me having to ask for it.

Bottom line, I did the math, and we do need to clear the slate. But it turns out it's YOU who's in the red, not me. So how would you like to go about this? Is there anything you can think of that you can do to wipe it all clean? I mean, I know it looks daunting because there's so much history of dishonesty and deceit on your part. But I believe in you, Chris! I'll try to think of things you can do to bring us back to square one, but try to come up with some ideas on your own too. It would make me so ecstatic to wake up one morning soon and see a perfect idea of how you're going to do it in my inbox! Ooh, I'm shivering with anticipation!!! :D :D :D

Jackie@undefined May 9, 2011 9:23am

I forgot to ask one more thing, Chris. Answer me this: Why are you feeling mistrust toward me for my allowing my computer to get hacked and emails to get stolen from me, while at the same time you are defending Sony for their PSN getting hacked and your pictures stolen from them? What's the difference? You expect me to go above and beyond to earn your trust back but Sony doesn't have to do anything. Why do I earn mistrust while you still rush to defend Sony when the exact same thing happened?

Jackie@undefined

May 11, 2011 6:43pm

Hey Chris.

I'm sorry if I kind of shocked you with the way I phrased my previous emails, but I felt it was appropriate to use the wording that I did, because I needed to show you how my perspective of your words looked. I didn't mean to make it like a rude thing or anything, and I'm sorry for bringing up Ivy. I just thought it would help if I showed how your words looked in relation to some of the things I have brought up with you in the past. Like, how you question my buying the chopsticks instead of buying a cell phone to communicate with you, even though you chose to buy video games instead of getting a PC that would allow you to communicate with me. I thought it was a valid point to make, since it looks like total hypocrisy on your part, and I don't want you to be a hypocrite. And like you say, there is little difference between the two issues.

And on a related note, I don't think you should worry about internet communication being a problem, because I would really be bringing up the same exact questions and concerns whether we were in person, over the phone, or email, or whatever. I know the trolls have bothered you but that really has nothing to do with our communication with each other. The internet is just the medium, the things I say are the same no matter what.

Well anyway, since we've come to a consensus on that, I'll keep you posted on how my chopstick hunt is going, but I'm going to hold out til I can get the pair that really satisfies me. Anyway, how's your dad doing? Is he still at home or has he had to go back to the hospital? You must be really worried sick about him, I kind of feel silly for not having asked how you're feeling about him recently. How is your mom doing? What about other stuff?

XOXO

Jackie

P.S. Here's another set I'm interested in:

Wish me luck!!@undefined

May 13, 2011 2:08pm

Hey Chris!

I'm glad you're feeling better about our blank slate beginnings. And I much enjoyed reading your recollections of our meeting on the Hook. You bring me back to the good old days of the nostalgia of our first encounterings. ;) Yes, I'm so glad I met you when I did. I posted all those silly things about wanting someone with a good well-muscled body, who was outgoing, and goal-driven, and successful, and all those superficial things. But then I met you, who had none of those qualities, and I began to see what really mattered - having one's heart in the right place. I mean, just think, if it wasn't for the internet, which allows for a person to show parts of themselves that would be hidden in real life encounters, I probably wouldn't have given you a second glance. Before you I was soo used to guys like Lars, who worked out and were physically strong, and who spent all their time out doing things and working and such. I never imagined that someone like you could have such a strong heart hidden under so much apathy and gristle. God Bless the internet for breaking us out of our rigid shells!! :) :) :)

And I'm glad you see it's important to not take things too quickly in the initial stages. We need time to grow and redevlop the trust and mutual feelings during this, our blank slate development. We need to take the time to build ourselves up once again, as we once did. Yay, I'm so excited Chris!! :D

Anyway, I know how difficult your pursuit of fame, power, and glory became for you. You saw how quickly Sonichu developed fans after you created it, and you became drunk on your e-fame. I remember you used to talk about wanting to turn Sonichu into your multi-million dollar business franchise - you wanted so badly to make Sonichu into a professional comic book, a video game, a kid's cartoon show... heck, you even wanted to build a Sonichu-themed shopping mall. Such grandiose aspirations... and all your fans, bless their poor naive souls, were no help to you; by feeding you such attention they didn't help you combat your ever-growing ego and vanity. I'm glad that you saw the evil path you were treading and chose to do away with those demons, to do away with your infernal tempter Sonichu. That comic was No Good for your soul and well-being and it took a strong person to admit that Sonichu was bad and that you needed to abandon it, which you did. Kudos, my lovely darling. In the end, your desire to keep your soul overpowered your desire for financial gain. I'm so proud of you :)

Well anyway, thank you for writing, you made my day. I'll write more later. But hey, in the next email, why don't you tell me a little bit about how your mom and dad are doing, and how your relationship with them is going? I'm sure you must have a lot on your mind regarding them, and it seems like you haven't written much about them to me (I hope you weren't trying to spare me from any negative feelings that are going on, I want to be able to support you and listen to anything you might want to say). I'll talk to you soon!!!!

XOXO

Jackie@undefined

May 14, 2011 10:43pm

Hey there Chris!!

Hey, I appreciate the position you're coming from, but you have a couple errors in there. I'll point them out for you, and also I'll bring up some questions I have about each of your points:

-The word "apathetic" doesn't have anything to do with emotions, at least not in the way you think. It means passive, unconcerned, unmotivated. Because, you know, you have trouble getting motivated to think of things to do or work to pursue, or to actually put any legwork into any of your projects or ventures to get them off the ground.

-I know that your fans bothered you with all their questions - that's part of what made you so drunk on your power. Because you were more concerned with what your fans could do for you, but you didn't really care about the thoughtfulness and concern you owed them in return for their long-time faithfulness (I think their feeling unappreciated was a big reason a lot of them left to follow Asperchu, wasn't it?).

-You certainly DID have an idea for a Sonichu-themed shopping center! It's all detailed right here: http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cwcville_Shopping_Center It was a project you did in your CADD class in college, and I know I've heard you speak before about how it was a major project that you would like to put into reality at some point (I think when you spoke to that one girl's father a couple years ago you talked about it).

-I don't understand what you mean about Sonichu. You say you have inspiration for ideas, but then you say you DON'T have inspiration? Which is it? I mean, I'd love to see you start working on your artwork again, but it's been a year and a half of you doing absolutely nothing so you're going to have to forgive me for assuming you stopped caring. What ideas do you have for the series? For that matter, what ever happened with that trollbusters comic you were going to do? You had this huge plot outlined for the first issue but then you just dropped it and that was months ago. Are you still planning that one too? What other art/design projects are you planning currently? (Any new comic websites on the horizon? Oh hey, have you ever seen My Little Pony? You should make a tomgirl pony!!! It's cutie mark can be the tomgirl symbol!! That would be so rad!!!! :D)

-You have mentioned a lot about wanting to get a job, become financially secure, and move out of your parents. Those are all good ideas, but what have you done to actually pursue it? Where have you been applying recently? This is especially important considering that you're saying getting a job and becoming financially independent is a prerequisite for working on other goals. (That's why I say you're kind of apathetic; you talk a lot about your noble intentions but you never seem to want to put any work into it.)

As for your parents, that's all the basics, but don't you have anything else to say? I mean, you tell me not to believe everything I read about them on the internet, but the cwcki has over ten times the information on them that you just gave, and a lot more detailed too. Don't you ever converse with them? Don't you care about them? I mean, your dad just had cancer and major surgery, he ALMOST DIED. I would think that when I ask you to talk about your father, you would at least have something to say about that, but instead you just give me a little blurb about the most basic details, and then switch the conversation to how they bother YOU. You know, I understand that you are annoyed they aren't being very supportive of your transition to tomgirlhood, but you have to consider that your lifestyle changes are coming at the same time as your father and mother have to deal with life-threatening cancer. That's something that is taking a LOT of their energy to deal with. You really don't have a right to just demand that they put their priorities on hold and open their hearts without delay to whatever is going on in YOUR life, especially when you aren't willing to do the same for them.

Anyway, I had a bunch more to write but it's getting late and I have to get to bed, so I'll write more later. Goodnight!!

Jackie@undefined

May 15, 2011 9:48am

Well, it's all well and good for you to SAY that your parents deserve better, but mostly you just complain about how they aren't serving your desires and whims. And once again, you just gave me kind of an encyclopedic little blurb about them which contains basic information I could find on the cwcki. I mean, your father almost dies from cancer, and you have nothing new to say about your relationship with him, just the same old complaining about him "starting arguments". I bet if I talked with your mother or father and asked about their relationship with you, they could go on for hours about you. I thought you wanted to start with a blank slate so we could build a talking relationship that wasn't based on only video games and toys; I don't really see why you refuse to talk about more serious subjects until some arbitrary point after we meet, but whatever.

LE SIGH

Anyway, I attached an image of some My Little Ponies I created! Maybe you can work them back into Sonichu now that you're working on it again, or your new comic, whichever one you're doing. (When are you going to have the first pages ready?) They are a tomgirl and tomboy pair of ponies by the names of KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash (KaKa is on the left, Brony on the right). You should take them and use them!!

Jackie@undefined

May 16, 2011 8:46pm

Being around people who aren't motivated to do anything is no excuse for not motivating yourself, whether they're your parents or not. Especially when you KNOW that it's happening. I've known plenty of people in my life who are lazy and don't do anything with themselves, that doesn't excuse me from not having to do anything. Whether your parents are lazy or not - that has nothing to do with you, it doesn't matter. You are responsible for your OWN actions and behavior, not them. You're 30 years old, it's not their job to force you to do things to take care of yourself and improve your life.

As for Wal-Mart and McDonalds, you have no idea why they didn't hire you. Maybe they just hit their quota and your application came at a bad time. You can't just assume that your internet reputation and the cwcki are responsible. You have NO reason to assume that is the case; I told you, employers don't sit around and google applicants. How many places have you applied for besides those two? Or are they the only places you applied? And both were MONTHS ago. Where have you been looking for a job RECENTLY? Do you know how many jobs I have applied for in my life that I didn't get? DOZENS. And there is no website or group of trolls tarnishing my reputation, so how do you explain all those places that didn't hire me? But I still find employment because I KEEP LOOKING. And you've been using the excuse for years that you have "little knowledge" of how your tugboat works. It's your responsibility to go learn and figure it out, you know. I don't think anyone wants to hear you complain about how bad things are for you when you refuse to try to fix your problems yourself. If you actually tried and still failed and THEN asked for help, I think people would be a lot more sympathetic to you and willing to help. But you don't try, you just beg others to do the legwork for you.

But you know, speaking of the tugboat check, there's no possible way that check is not in your name. That money is YOURS, not THEIRS. YOU are the disabled person; that means the government issues it to you. You need to stand up to your parents and tell them that you are holding the banana, not they, and they need to respect that. You say how unmotivated they are, so what are they doing with that money of yours? Probably nothing. Don't just accept your dad's handwave that his SSI number means he controls the money. Confront your parents and find out the truth!

Well anyway, even if you don't want to use KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash in Sonichu, I'd love to see what they look like if you drew them. Maybe you could start up a new comic featuring them, and then run it concurrently with Sonichu and Trollbusters. When are you bringing those two back again, by the way? (Or not "bringing back" Trollbusters I guess, since you never actually started it. But when will you be starting it?) Or maybe you could just draw a portrait poster of my two ponies or something. But I don't really get what the difference is between CWCville and Sonichu, CWcville is the location that Sonichu is set in; that would be like saying if I drew a Gotham City comic that it wasn't Batman-related, even though Batman is based in Gotham City. So really, it was a Sonichu-themed mall.

Well, I gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon!

Jackie@undefined

May 18, 2011 8:43pm

Hey Chris. In order to better answer the points you made, I'm going to break down your email into quoted segments and respond to each individually:

"I am not 30 Yet." Oh, excuse me, 29 and change. Huge difference.

"I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader." Then stop pretending like you are one. Stop pretending like you know for a fact that your internet reputation is the reason you haven't been hired.

" But I DO know that Most People who Hire actually DO perform Background Checks." Of course you know that employers perform background checks. I know you know that because you have had background checks explained to you in detail a hundred times over, most of the time by myself.

"I do not know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on me" Yes, yes you do. I have explained to you COUNTLESS TIMES what a background check is. A background check is an automated program in which the employer checks to see if you have any FELONIES ON YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD. As I have gone over with you MANY times, you have NO felonies to your name (the incidents with the police at the Game Place and Fashion Square were NOT felonies, your record is clear), so an employer's background check would cause NO PROBLEM for you. You have no excuse for not acknowledging this. But even if you don't believe I know what I'm talking about, why don't you take the effort to go learn from a source with more expertise?

"I do not think or feel that I want to know." That much is evident. Sticking your head in the sand seems to be the only thing you DO want to do.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. How come you just sit and let her cut your hair? You could have gotten up and left, it's not like she could physically hold you down. I understand you feel bad about calling her a bitch but I understand why you did it; she obviously put you in a very bad place by betraying your trust like that.

Let me ask you, I know Rocky is helping to search for a job for you, but have you thought about asking her with help moving out? I think your relationship with your parents would be a lot smoother if you were out of the house and had freedom to pursue your goals without being mocked and judged by them. I think you should talk to her about it.

Jackie@undefined