Mumble 6

Mumble 6 is the sixth of the Mumble chats involving Chris, held on 10 February 2009.

Length: 1:57:53

Summary

 * Chris has received a letter from Nintendo of America stating that he hasn't been in touch with Shigeru Miyamoto. The trolls try to convince him that the letter is fake.
 * Chris gives more advice on whether Falsion's friend is a homo by suggesting he'll be drawn to posters of men more than those of women in the fan's bedroom.
 * Julie probes Chris on why he dislikes homos so much. Chris flounders.
 * Chris first made his medallion because he wanted to, before he ever drew any comics and wears it all the time because it's like a nametag. Might make one for Julie.
 * Someone hacked Sonichugirls.net. Julie is outraged.
 * Chris doesn't hate all men, just the ones who are jerks, which is the "majority of the male population." When called on it, admits he doesn't know how he knows that men are jerks without knowing them.
 * Chris doesn't remember saying that transgender people should have surgery. Now says that they shouldn't. Confuses "transgender" with "intersex" and says that if he had a child with both organs he would raise it as a boy.
 * If Chris was dating a girl and she turned out to have a penis, he would freak out, throw up and dump her.
 * Sonic replaced American Rabbit as Chris's favorite cartoon character.
 * Chris's favorite soap opera is The Young and the Restless. He used to watch MTV's Undressed.
 * Chris feels as if his life is a soap opera, as he's had a lot of drama.
 * Chris hasn't decided if there will be a Chris Chandler show. Everyone says it's a great idea.
 * Sonic 3D is Chris's favorite Sonic game.
 * The Chris Chandler Show would be improvised with no commercial breaks. When Jack Thaddeus calls him on the show needing to make money, Chris says that he doesn't know how to make commercials.
 * Chris never received the Jet, Ebony and Vibe magazines that a troll called hottiee96 subscribed him to.
 * Chris says he's irregular with comics because "It's called a life".
 * Hamsty asks what Chris does, considering he has no job. Chris stalls, before saying that he can't describe his daily schedule on a whim at the moment and had better not say. He blames stress.
 * Chris says that he gets stressed and needs a day to recover. Fans point out the contradiction of drawing comics to relax and using stress as an excuse not to draw them. Chris says that he feels uncomfortable with the questions.
 * Chris does Sonichu's voice. It sounds like Chris, only slightly higher. Fans praise this fantastic rendition.
 * Chris says that he would want Archie Comics to publish Sonichu.
 * There will be no lesbian relationships in Chris's comics, as he promotes heterosexuality.
 * Chris obnoxiously cuts off a fan who asks about Nintendo and copyright, saying "I don't know, I don't know, I'm not a business genius."
 * They talk about anime and video games. Chris doesn't like the nudity in Crayon Shin-chan because dicks 'offend' him.
 * Says that him drawing Sonichu with his duck out was different because he was wearing a condom.
 * Chris confirms that he ripped off the workings of Sonichu's penis from a line from Brian in Family Guy.
 * Chris does not like poo in a fetishistic sense.
 * Chris can't remember why he mentioned his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS to Clyde.
 * Chris is still trying to upload the Nintendo of America letter.
 * The adult scenes in Sonichu are not "lost content", they are "removable deleted scenes" and the comic can be read with or without them. This is how he designed it.
 * Chris will not undergo speech therapy because he had it when he was a child.
 * Chris does a terrible high-pitched impersonation of someone with no front teeth.
 * Chris cuts off a question about the PS3 being the main console of the gay community, as he's bothered by it.
 * CWCville's employment situation is discussed. Sonichu and Rosechu's job is protecting CWCville and everything is free for them.
 * Chris liked the Spice Girls, but didn't have a favorite.
 * CWCville was founded just by Bob, shortly after Chris was born.
 * Bob told Chris that Sonichu was viable as regards copyrighting. Chris has paid the Library of Congress $35 for copyright years ago and hasn't heard anything.
 * Chris has uploaded the Nintendo of America letter. The fans deny that it's real and attempt to discredit it. Chris refuses to listen.
 * Chris starts to leave, Clyde Cash enters. The HONEST and TRUE fans all decry this disgraceful human being.
 * Clyde says that Julie is afraid of how her life with Chris will turn out, and that her parents will take her away. Chris protests that he's cleaned his room.
 * Clyde says Chris needs to clean up his act to be with Julie, asks if he pays taxes. Chris says he's paid sales tax.
 * Chris "pleads the fifth" when Clyde asks how much credit card debt he has. When pressed, he admits to having almost $2,000 to offset his savings of $100.
 * Chris says that if he decides he has to get a job when he and Julie are married, he will.
 * Chris claims that he can cook "anything that's within his cookbook."
 * Chris admits he was lying about looking for jobs he can do with his CADD degree, but he can start looking. Clyde calls him out on lying to Julie so much, and Chris whines about his "insultive tone."
 * Julie says that she's read up on Christianity and there's no premarital sex. Chris says that Methodists are allowed.
 * Chris claims to cook for himself the majority of the week. Says he cooks a lot of things for himself. When pressed, he says vegetables, meats and soups, depending on shopping. His parents cook separately from him, as they live on a different floor.
 * Chris says he will look for a job, depending on who's hiring. Will think about getting a job now.
 * Chris's schedule currently varies from day to day, but he does a lot of creative things. Yesterday he cleaned his room.
 * Julie says that drawing comics is currently Chris's job and he should work on it. Chris promises that he will.
 * Chris says Ich bin schwul and leaves.
 * BlueSpike and the others laugh about Chris admitting to being a homo.

Meet and Greet
[The various trolls greet Chris, talking over each other]

Julie: Heeey Chris!

Troll: Willkommen!

[sound of junk getting moved around]

Troll: Hello.

Troll: Morning!

Hamsty: Hey Chris!

Troll: Uhh- hello, Chris! What's up?

Troll: Hello! How're you doing?

Chris: [speaking in an effeminate voice] Hellloo...

Troll: Bonjour.

[pause]

Troll: So what are you up to tonight, Chris?

Chris: Uhh, nothing much, just uhh... takin' care of things.

Troll: Aww, that's good.

[Audio cuts out here for a moment. Presumably, the same thing happened in the chat.]

Chris: Sorry, what?

Chris: Julie bought me here. You asked for me to come and I so I did.

Troll: Did you... come for your fans at all?

Chris: Uhh, yeah I came for my fans.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Cool.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. Matter of fact I have an update...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oooh?

<font color="#008000">Troll: Ohh awesome!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But... well unfortunately yeah, it was in a video but it didn't get, uhh, processed quickly enough... I've just had to start re-uploading it.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeeeah... YouTube's really slow at that... depending on what you use. It's a'right.

<font color="#008000">Troll: It's like... they need to invest their money more in technology.

Chris receives a letter
<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Anyway, uhh, as I have already told Julie and Sarah May, mm, I have received a letter in the snail mail today from Mr-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have received a letter in the snail mail today from Nintendo of America's representative Mr. Mike Chandler- no relation- In response to what I have sent Nintendo of America previously. Anyway, it-it-it verifies my uh- families, my friends and uhh... my theory so that, uhh, and I quote, Mr Shigeru Miyamoto did not have a meeting scheduled with you, nor has he be- has he been corresponding with you. Mr Miyamoto speaks and writes only-

<font color="#008000">Troll: [Talking over Chris] I'll be right back.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [very annoyed] -very limited English...! ...and our game development teams do not accept unsolicited game suggestions or other ideas. Although Mr Miyamoto made occasional business trips to the U.S., he spends the majority of his time in Japan at Nintendo's headquarters. So, in short I've- I've actually been talking to... impostors.

[The trolls begin talking over each other at this point]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Well, you don't know if he's an impostor or not, I mean, I mean,

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oooooh...

<font color="#008000">Troll: You know...

<font color="#008000">Troll: I mean, look at that, it had your last name- it didn't really sound legit...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Hold on, guys hold on, hold on. Just lemme...

[Brief silence]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Well, it could have been intercepted by a troll because he did say that Mr. Miyamoto doesn't speak- speaks limited Jap- I mean, limited English, but... I've seen YouTube videos of him speaking a lot... urn... in English... and... I don't- I think that's a lie- that guy obviously doesn't know anything about Miyamoto.

<font color="#008000">Troll: You know, I- I've heard about stuff like this happening, you know, one of my cousins is in the business industry and he says with a lot of these big companies they get mix- things mixed up all the time. Maybe they were sending it to like- maybe they thought you were someone else, or they sent it to somebody who had the wrong address, you know, they can screw stuff up an awful lot.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well anyways, it's an official letter from Nintendo of America, because uhh... the envelope, is-is-is-is just like the previous envelopes I've gotten from Nintendo of America, as well as the uh... letter head on the... letter. It's typed.

[The trolls talk over each other here. The general drift is: "It's easy to forge..."]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [annoyed] It was typed.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah, it's easy to forge.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [still annoyed] It was typed.

[Windows beeping in the background]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [yep, still annoyed] It was typed.

[More Windows beeping in the background]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And-and-and it has a signature on there.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Just because it's typed and it has a signature on there doesn't mean it's real.

<font color="#008000">Troll: In fact, wouldn't typing it make it more easier to forge since it's not handwriting?

<font color="#008000">Troll: And a signature doesn't mean anything, I mean, you nev- I mean you don't know this guy and so... it's just somebody's signature.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Look, I'll tell y'all- look, I'll tell y'all what, I'll scan the envelope AND the letter and put it on the Sonichu site [annoyed] LATER [pause; the trolls talk all at once] and y'all- and y'all- can fig- and y'all decide for yourselves from that.

<font color="#008000">Troll: We're tryin' to help you, Chris. We're trying to help you and do what's best for you...

<font color="#008000">Troll: We're trying to make sure nobody's trying to trick you.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah.

<font color="#008000">Troll: We're here to back you up.

[silence]

Games, etc.
<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah. I can always play it on my PS3, or my Nintendo Wii when I ever get one...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Never Hex Bawx.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I hate the Hex Bawx.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I'm a PC player myself.

[The trolls talk all at once for about ten seconds]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm gonna go get the scanner and make it ready to scan.

[some trolls mutter back and forth, mostly silence]

[long pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: ... [whisper] cocks!

[The trolls laugh; sound of things moving around and other noise in the background]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Can I ask you something, Chris?

<font color="#008000">Various Trolls: He's uh, scanning. He's scanning things.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, I just got back with it and I'm... scanning it.

The Molvanîan Language, et al.
<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oh hey Chris?

<font color="#008000">Troll: Excellent...!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah Julie? [Chris sounds uninterested]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Can you do me a favor?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sure, what?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Can you tell everyone what I taught you today- the new, uhh, Molvanîan word?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oooh- ooh. Yeah. Julie uhh... Julie is from Molvanîa... its uh neigh- its uh-it neighbors- it neighbors five countries such as Germany and Slovakia. [pause] Anyway, uhh, she taught me how to say "I love you" in Molvanîa.

[A troll screams in entirely understandable horror, possibly comprehending what will occur next...]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ich- Ich baan schwill. [sic]

[Julie says something in the background, something about 'a'right now, okay, keep going']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I just pretty much said it. Ich baan schwill. [sic]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Ahh, a'right. I love you too!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yep.

<font color="#008000">Troll: You have a gift for languages, Chris.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Really!

<font color="#008000">Troll: I can see why you pick up Spanish.

<font color="#008000">Troll: First Spanish, and now Molvanîan. You're moving on up!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, right now basically I just have like a few... greetings. And the 'I love you' there.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Before you know it you might be speaking Japanese with Mr Miyamoto.

[Chris seems to forget that, just minutes ago, he had decided that Miyamoto was an impostor and doesn't mention it.]

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: Or French? [she speaks a little French, but Chris just talks over the top of her]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, uhh, I know a little bit of Japanese. Like... こんにちは (konnichiwa). [awkward pause] And さよなら (sayonara).

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: Do you know any French words?

[More Windows beeping in the background]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh... wee wee mon anime [sic].

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: Ahh... mmm. I see.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Omelet du fromage.

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: [forced giggle] That's uh, that's that's... very nice. Merci! Merci beaucoup... [another giggle]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Merci!

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: That means 'thank you'!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I know.

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: Okay, just making sure! [another 'please don't rape me' giggle is squeezed out]

Idle Chatter
<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: So, uh, Chris. How are things?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Things are, uh well at home.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Awesome!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm safe and well, and I'm looking forward to you arriving, Julie.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Hmm!

[awkward silence]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh, what happened last time? You were interrupted by... something.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sorry, what? 'Member last time you came? I don't know what happened, but you had to sign off for some reason.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't 'member that, that was like a long time ago... that was pretty much a long time ago at this point.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh, never mind.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah...

<font color="#008000">Troll: I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. [snort]

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: [giggle]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Well, it happens, it happens. Sometimes you can remember things from birth... and like, from, childhood years... and sometimes you can't remember things from last week!

<font color="#008000">Troll: Stress does influence memory, so it's understandable.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah... I suffer from that... occasionally.

[awkward pause]

Movies
<font color="#008000">Troll: So Chris, seen any good movies recently?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm... good movies, good movies... I saw Saw V?

<font color="#008000">Troll: And how was that?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oooh, and what did you think of it?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I thought it was- I thought it was neat and very interesting... I mean I saw the previous four... which I have on DVD. But I got Saw V on Blu-ray.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Sounds pretty crazy. Was it scary?

[awkward pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Were the special effects realistic enough to make it seem... scary... enough?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. [pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: It didn't have enough traps! That was my complaint.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, I mean uh, I think uh, I think the scariest thing from that movie would be after that- after that guy removed his arm from the- from the saw, and it was like split down to the elbow. But you know-

<font color="#008000">Troll: I remember that.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh, wow!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But then- but then you realize from the behind the scenes footage that that actually was just a fake arm.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah, well, they wouldn't do that in real life because they would have to, like, pay a lot of people...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I mean, like, the special effects they use nowadays is pretty impressive.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008000">Troll: The men were jerks in that movie, the saw vic- the jigsaw victims. I mean like they let that poor girl- uhh... that poor girl die at the beginning the trap...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. It's like they could- it's like they didn't- it's like, it's like they didn't know at the time they could have gotten away with all five of them alive at the front line through the whole... setup. But uh, still, you know, I mean, the whole setup they had going there... the girl... the woman actually had her head going through a hole in the wall, while there was a whole fake, empty neck on top of it.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah... yeah. I just can't believe how much the men were jerks in that movie. They weren't... especially...

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah. That movie made me kinda mad...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Sexist!

<font color="#008000">Troll: Do you think they'll make a sixth... Saw movie?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [ Chris speaks as though he were a great authority on the matter ] Yeah, I think they'll make a Saw VI, I mean- I figured they... you figured they gave the role of Jigsaw over to Detective Hoffman, so he could probably do something in the next one. Plus, I'm still wondering, what was the fate of the uh... doctor. You remember from the first Saw, that uh, that actually cut off his foot?

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: Mmm hmm!

<font color="#008000">Troll Chorus: Yeah...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, y-you find out that basically... you find out he's into crawling away. You find him doing that in Saw III. But yeah you don't see anything of him in Saw f-...four, except for that one time when they actually- they talk about that little piece of evidence that went against him in the first Saw.

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: [coughs] Mmm. Excuse me.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah... Uhh... I never really was into horror. What is it that, uh, makes horror movies so enjoyable?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. I would say probably the, uh, story, and uh...

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oh hey Chris, can I ask a question?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: What's your favorite kind of movie?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm- I mostly like, uh, romantic comedies.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh, those can be good. [More Windows beeping]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, they're fun. I've uh- I've uh- gone back to the Moonlight Confession episode of Shuffle!. That's uh, that's episode 10.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I prefer animated movies myself, you know... Disney, Pixar...

<font color="#008000">Troll: So do I.

[A soft, computer generated 'bong!' noise can be heard in the background]

[Hamsty gasps in the background]

<font color="#008000">Troll: I just watched Finding Nemo recently... just this weekend.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I liked Toy Story.

<font color="#008000">Troll: That was a good one.

<font color="#008000">Troll: That is such a classic!

<font color="#008000">Troll: My friends and I quote that ALLL the time whenever we watch it.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: To ef-fenity [sic] and beyond. [Chris gets the 'tone' of the catch-phrase completely, completely wrong; it sounds like some kind of deranged, toneless rap ]

[short, stunned silence]

<font color="#008000">Troll: There's a snake in mah boot! I always liked that line.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I [inaudible] Oh, I'm sorry.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sorry, you were saying?

<font color="#008000">Troll: I was just saying, I have a toy Woody, which when you pull the string he says "I have a snake in mah boots"...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [ stress sigh ] Yep, those were sold in the toy stores.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I- I remember in like... one of my favorite type of movies is, um, martial arts.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh. I saw Kung Fu Panda like, recently... on Blu-ray.

[Possible audio cut here?]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh. Like, name- name a-a couple.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh I just uh- okay yeah, I can remember another one. Mmm. Hard Boiled. I got the collector's edition version of Stranglehold PlayStation 3. That was...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Hey, Hard Boiled? Wasn't that a John Woo movie with Chow Yun-fat?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008000">Troll: And he's like, "Oh man, I love that one!" and he's- and he's got, and he has a gunfight in the hospital- that's a really good one.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And I saw Kill Bills volume I and II.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh those are pretty impressive! [pause] Also, um. Have you ever heard about the new Dragonball movie that's about to come out... in two months?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. No, uh, ye- no- ye- no I haven't. But I have heard- but I have, uh watched a bunch of Dragonball episodes. Uhh... Dragonball, Dragonball Z, 'n Dragonball GT... and I have seen some of the movies. Oh- a-and I have also seen the orig- the, uh, the Street Fighter Movie... a long time ago.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Ooooh I remember that one.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And I'm also looking forward to the one where they... the new Street Fighter movie that's coming out that's gonna be be surrounding Chun-Li.

[The trolls talk over each other at this point]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Did you play Street Fighter IV?

<font color="#008000">Troll: Ooh, Chun-Li was my favorite Street Fighter character... actually.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Me too.

[Julie and a troll talk over each other]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oh wait-

<font color="#008000">Troll: -reet Fighter IV?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah. [pause] Cuz Chris, I'm gonna get it and I wanna play against you...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: What, Street Fighter IV?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I was thinking about- yeah I-I was thinking about getting the collector's edition version... of that.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Mmm.

[The generic sound of junk being moved around in the background; a slight pause]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, who's your favorite person to use in Street Fighter, like who do you use the most?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Chun-Li.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I also use Dan.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I use Cammy.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: In Soul Calibur I use Cassandra.

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh. What a coincidence, I actually use Cassandra a lot... um in um, Soul Calibur.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I play Cervantes. I like play Cervantes... a lot.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You don't saaaaaay. Hmm.

Broken Wii, More Games
<font color="#008000">Troll: Hey Chris, I've got a question.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Shoot.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh- two days ago my Wii broke and I have to send it in for repairs, and it's not gonna be back for like two weeks... what should—what do you think I should do to fill that time slot until I get it back?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Umm... do what you're normally doing right now- like as if uhh... you're living- I mean, you're pretty much living with that right now, just continue on with that... until uhh... you get it back.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Thanks Chris, that's great advice.

[''The troll is very sarcastic. Chris doesn't notice.'']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Simple, really! Not rocket scEYEnce[sic].

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: You play any other fighting games... or have any other fighting games?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, I just mentioned S-Soul Calibur, just the Street Fighter, [inaudible]... I-I also played Tekken.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Anything else?

<font color="#008000">Troll: I played that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And-and a little bit of Mortal Kombat.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh. Have you ever played, uh. You had a Dreamcast before, right? Or do you still have one?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I still have my Dreamcast.

<font color="#008000">Troll: You ever played Powerstorm?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I've- I've played a demo of Powerstorm. Power Stone.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh yeah. Playing into that thing, uh- on your Dreamcast, did you ever play Phantasy Star Online?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No.

Anime, more games
<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Aaa- Chris, can I ask you a question?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sure.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: What do you think of the Mother series?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...mmm. Y- Oh yeah- you told me about your favorite song from there... uhh- I don't know much ab- I don't know- I do not know much about it, so...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh- It's also known as Earthbound when it came out on-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh yeah, oh yeah, Earthbound, oh yeah,um, I mean I've heard- I may have heard about Earthbound... oh yeah, that's right. I remember hearing that its Japanese name was Mother... or it was also known as MOTH-A.

[''a stunned, confused silence settles over the trolls. Presumably there is an audio cut here.'']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pause] Mmmmm. [pause] Uhh... uhh, I don't think so.

[pause]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: You should play Phantasy Star Online.

<font color="#FFC0CB">Hamsty: What about Free Realms?

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah the whole... the whole... fanchat was playing Phantasy Star Online for the past few days, it was fun.

[The sound of some kind of tapping can be heard in the background; presumably this is Chris because there is a pause and he doesn't speak until the tapping stops.]

[Chris and Julie talk over each other, along with a burst of static]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: -lay with us.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh. I might consider that. [Chris doesn't sound sincere]

<font color="#008000">Troll: I mean, we could show you how to get set up and everything.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh- I don't- yeah well, I don't, I mean- uhh... Not tonight. [pause] But I'll consider it.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Okay-

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh, also, also, um, [Julie begins to talk over the troll] reading to the left-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I mean, Jaggy, [Julie is very unclear here] Sorry, could you let someone else, everyone Jaggy, I didn't mean to hurry up- I mean, Chris, you can actually be Sonic, in it! It's awesome!

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah, actually I'm playing as Tails!

[more clicking]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Duuhokay!

[pause]

Music and Computers
<font color="#008000">Troll: What do you think of the Beatles?

[audio cut]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: It's, uh, just an HP Pavilion.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: What Operating System do you have, W-Windows XP?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. [pause] Windosse [sic] XP.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: How much RAM do you have?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. I don't know how much RA- how much total... RAM I have, but uh... yeah... I've pretty much got my... got my memory capacity- fill it up with like... tracks from iTunes, some videos, and, uh, images.

[''Chris stupidly confuses the volatile Random Access Memory (or RAM) in a computer with permanent hard drive storage. This is from someone who, according to what he told Kacey's father in the Father Call, "...took a computer upgrading class where [he] put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch."'']

[stunned silence]

[audio cut]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ohh. Ohh. CPU Speed...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Like, your- your hard disk space... is for gigabytes and stuff.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Well. I don't know what my- [stress sigh]

[audio cut; volume is very muted and quiet when it comes back]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Yeah... 'bout random-access memory.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Also, um, Hamsty said, um, what-what do you think of the Beatles? [the troll has a noticeable echo]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh, they're okay. I- [pause] I mean, [static] I mean, I've heard the Beatles, but it's not like I've formed a total... full opinion of them. But you know, they're okay.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh, okay.

[pause; the sound of shit getting moved around and occasional quiet muttering is present in the background for almost twenty seconds here]

Identifying a Homo
<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh, Chris?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah?

<font color="#008000">Troll: You know that friend that uh- you told me to get rid of? He sent me an e-mail... and he's saying uh- wait let me read it. This e-mail says, uh... "Dude, I'm not gay, your room is so small and there's nowhere to sit; 'course I sat next to you, how else- I mean, w-what else was I supposed to do?" Lemme skim over it... and then, at the end here, he says, uh, "Dude, get it through your fucking head as much as you possibly can; I AM STRAIGHT." What am I supposed to say to him? Is he- is he gay or what?

[''The occasional sound of typing was heard while the troll was talking; Chris obviously wasn't paying any attention and has, almost certainly, completely forgotten about an event which didn't directly concern him ]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I- I'm sorry could you-, I'm sorry, so, he-he-he... he said that he was... straight?

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah, he's telling me that he only sat next to me because my room was so small.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. [Chris has obviously forgotten]

<font color="#008000">Troll: You know, the friend that thought I was gay?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh yeah! Hmm. [long pause] Mmm.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I think he's lying, I think he's gay.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. [Chris's voice rises to a high pitched squeak, outshining even Julie] Well there is one thing... y-y-there is a, uh... test you could figure out... uhh... you could fill out- uhh... do you have any posters in your room?

<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh... wait, my room?

[''It sounds like Chris is eating something in the background, possibly with a wrapper. It's a little disgusting.'']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Where y'all would... hang out.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Not really.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. Okay, well, uh... fill half the- fill half your-, cover half of your room with- [the troll talks over Chris] with- with-

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh you-you mean like a Sailor Moon poster? Yeah, I have one of those.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, uh, lemme- [Chris sounds annoyed] let me finish. Cover half of your room with pic-uh, with posters of women. Half of your room with posters of women. You know, c- you know, could be anime, bikinis, oooor... posters you pull out from a Playboy.

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh, I-I have those, yeah.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And then uh, on the other half of your room fill them up with, uh... posters of... guys.[pause] And like uh, you know you could- [the troll interrupts]

<font color="#008000">Troll: I-I-I don't know about that man, I'm not gay.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I know, but you know you don't have to put- you don't have to... put them in, like, you know, their underwear, but you could use like war hero posters like, uh, like a c... poster. Something like that.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh yeah.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah but anyway, uh-

<font color="#008000">Troll: But uh, Call of Duty's not gay!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pause] I know but, you know... [pause] yeah. But anyway uh, just go half your room in women posters and the other half of your room with uh... guy posters but uh- and then see which uh- which side of the room he leans towards. More.

<font color="#008000">Troll: But what if he really likes Call of Duty? Does that mean he's gay? Urggh...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Maybe you could cover up the... title of the game if you wanted to, or uh j- or just like, fold it over. You know, just move the game title- but just like, you know, make sure you have the guy- just y'know. Just having the guy there and then... you know-

<font color="#008000">Troll: But it's a guy shooting stuff. That's awesome.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah but to a h- a but to- when you think about it... if you, uh, think about it, like if you were trying to get into the mind of a... homo... person...? He would see that as something different. [pause] But anyway uhh-

<font color="#008000">Troll: Uhh- I think it's awesome, like... pictures of a guy like, in army gear and shit, like, and shooting people-

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah but- yeah but, uh, anyway, yeah, it just depends on his point of view and his perspective- but anyway, point is: half women, half guys, see which uh, side of the room he looks more towards. Or... leans towards. Or goes to.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Okay, I'll keep that in mind.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: A'right.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah but I-I I liked Call of Duty, and like- posters of guys, like shooting s-things- I mean, I have a Contra 4 poster in my room, does that mean I'm- I'm gay?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh... no. I'm just uh-

<font color="#008000">Troll: Okay, cool.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, but like you know if you were to like uh, decorate your room, you would probably- you would likely put up more... posters of women than- posters- than have posters of... guys. W- So uh, when you think about that, uh yeah, that let's you- that reminds you that you're definitely straight if you put up more- up more posters of uh, women that's a good sign that you're straight. I have mo- I have more posters of women in my room.

Chris... I Wanna Take You To A Gay Bar
<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Hey Chris?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Can I ask you something?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sure.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: What is so wrong with homos? I mean, I-I know that you don't exactly like them, but... what's wrong with having just a few... homosexual buddies? They're not gonna... you know. They're, you know... good people. You should give 'em- you should give at least one a chance. You should- [Chris interrupts]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh yeah, but uh yeah, but yeah... see uh, you know I'm going to... associate, and uh... and n-now I to respect them, but it's just like, you know- I don't want to get- I don't want to be... too close.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: No, but you see it's- the thing is- they won't go near a straight man...! They can tell that you're straight! Don't worry, if you just give one a chance and try to be friends with them, maybe play some more... play some Guitar Hero... maybe play some LittleBigPlanet... have some fun, not try and- just don't... just- just try to have fun with them. Just try for me. Can you please do that? Just try for me?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, that depends if I ever... meet one.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Can you go to like... a social place?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Umm... well.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: A-A dance club! What about... what about like a straight- like, an everything dance club... do you know what I mean?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm... yeah, mmm... I tell you what. I might go to a dance club... uhh, after you- after you get here so that I don't have to feel alone.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: A'right.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. [He sounds relieved that this particular conversation thread is mostly over]

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: I have a question.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: M'kay.

The Medallion
<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Okay um, since I don't want to keep talking about gay men since that's not my thing, anyways this is about your medallion quest. Okay, uhh, anyways- anyways- what are the uh, the origins of your medallion, like when did you make it, is there any particular reason you wear it *all the time*, if you do, and if this is in any way related to your love quest? [pause] Yes, that's what I'm wondering as well.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I made it because I wanted to.

[pause]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: But-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Plus, plus, me wearing it all the time is like me wearing a name-tag but it's not like it has my... name... on the front.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yes, but Chris he was asking why- WHY did you want to, is the question? [pause] You must have some motivation.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I didn't really have- I don't think I really have any motivation... as far as I can- as far as I can remember. Because that was, like, years ago.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Um like w-when exactly though Chris? Was this in, um, in 2000 when you first made Sonichu, or when you uhh- first made the comics in, uh, I believe 2004?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, around 2004 or... 2003 I started drawing comics.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: W-Was that when you um... first made the medallion though? Cuz we've- we've seen you-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah- I don't... I don't remember *when* I made the medal...?

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Oh, okay.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: B-But-bu-bu-[stammers incoherently] but it definitely like- it definitely would have been like before I started drawing any comics.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Yes, yes.

[pause]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oh Chris, I have another question for you!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Two actually uhm, one... do you think you could make me a cool medallion like yours... when I get there?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I *might*.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Awesome. [pause] And uh, the other question- w-what happened to the Sonichu Girls?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh. I'm still talk- you know I st-still talk to Sarah May, but uh... I just haven't been there much since, uh... since... Clyde or troll or whatever... hacked into my... Sonichu Girls account.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Ahh, I see. Wait- someone hacked into your Sonichu Girls account? That's awful!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I can't believe some JERK would do that- that makes me so mad!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

[pause]

Friends with Men
<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Sarah... Sarah May... you can hear me on there, uh... you know you can hit me... set that back up. Whenever you can.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Mmm hey I was just wondering, uh- you know Robert Simmons... is he your friend or what? I heard you know- you don't like to be friends with guys, but... is he like a exception or what?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm? Mmm- no, no.

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: But he seems like really good friends with you though.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: So we can, like, hate him or...?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no... I don't... hate him. Uhh... yeah, it's- he's more of a buddy.

<font color="#008000">Troll: So... he's like the only buddy as far as like guys go... right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I've had uhh... a few buddies in my lifetime.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oooh, I thought you like hated guys or something... or-or didn't feel comfortable around them. Or something.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, it's a combination.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah but what about Robert? I me-that's very interesting...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Wa-wa-wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay. Okay. It's not necessarily th- it is NOT that I hate g- hate all men... I just the ones that are- that have- that are really... jerks, which that'll be the majority of the male population.

[The trolls talk over each other for nearly thirty seconds here, with occasional breaks]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Isn't that sexist, Chris?

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Troll: That's- that's... yeah That's kinda- that's kinda rough, Chris. It'd be kinda mean if someone said you liked- if [inaudible] fuck most 90% of all the population of something...

<font color="#008000">Troll: Very, very insensitive...

<font color="#008000">Troll: ...would die, or something...

<font color="#008000">Troll: ...not nice...

<font color="#008000">Troll: ...I mean, who-who would say that?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have known a lot of jerks in my lifetime.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I mean, uh, I confess, we all have.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Yeah but how far have you really traveled to see that Ch-Chris have- like, you know, there's so many other places in the world that- where men can actually be nice.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I mean, but not nice in the gay way.

[The trolls finally stop talking over each other]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [MASSIVE stress sigh] Yeah I... don't know how to answer those questions cuz... I never traveled around the world. This far-The farthest I've ever traveled was to California on airplane... to visit my half-

<font color="#008000">Troll: [inaudible] -a neat place!

[the trolls talk over each other again]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, you should go on a road trip.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Chris!

<font color="#008000">Troll: The world's a pretty good guy, eh?

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah well-

<font color="#008000">Troll: I mean, I can understand... like, a jerk move would be like... say, you're a friend with some lady and then some guy comes and takes her away from you, like, even though he knows you're in a relationship with her, but, like, if-if like, y-you've never ever known these people before, I mean how is it more of a- h-how does it really make them a jerk if you've never really met them and they didn't even know you or... you know, haven't had the chance yet.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ummm... not really sure.

[pause; soft beep in the background]

<font color="#008000">Troll: Oh.

On The Transgender Community
<font color="#008000">Cameron: Hmm. Oh, Chris- I. I have a question for you. Uhm... I recall asking you once, like a few... chats ago... if you ever thought about being a cyborg and... you said no... but you thought about being a girl, and, you know, you went on... signed a package God gave you. But theeen, towards the end, you said that um, transgender people... male-to-female to be specific- uh, you suggested that they should... actually go ahead and have the surgery... um, since they're taking the hormones and I'm just wondering... some transwomen don't really have a problem with that area, I'm just- curious why you would suggest that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ok what- okay what you're saying... it's not what- it's not what I sugge- I-I-I never said anything like, uh, anything about the trans-gender people, or... taking a- or taking any surgery or what like that. You might- you might be uh, be confusing that to, uh, to where, to where I said that... I'd sooner change my gender b- then, before I- before I became a homo.

[''It's obvious that Chris either forgot or chose to forget when he said this statement; unfortunately, that part of the chat is part of a previous mumble which hasn't been completely transcribed. At least, BlueSpike and Cameron are quite convinced it occurred; if anyone knows where Chris said that, feel free to link it in.'']

[sound of typing in the background]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Actually Chris, um... Cameron's right- I think you did say that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm, I don't remember.

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah we- we have a record, 'n... I just remember that.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah, I mean, what do you think of trans-women in general? I mean- I know they're not sweetheart material, but... in general. Like, should they... go under the knife?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Um... [long pause] no. I- no no. And also I'll tell you- I'll tell you this- and if I ever have a trans-gender child with both sets of, uh- with both sets of uh... genitals... I would uh, raise that child to be a boy.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Reeeally. Well, f-first [sound of Windows beeping] of all, um, uhh, both sets or something like that is actually called inter-sexed- and it c- [audio cut] And uh... yeah, that's an old archaic term, Gecko-

<font color="#008000">Troll: I was wondering, uh-

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Oh go ahead, Falsion-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: W-well either, well either way, transgender or hermaphrodite I'd raise them as a male.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I mean-

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Chris-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -when the child was born, couldn't you just like get an operation to have one set removed?

<font color="#008000">Cameron: I think it should be up to the child's choice eventually, I mean that does-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Hold on, lemme talk for a second.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Okay, go Falsion.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Uhh... Chris, like, say if you were dating a girl... and it turned out she actually had a penis, what would you do? Cuz' I had- I had that happen to me once.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. [pause] I'd freak out and probably throw up.

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Wait, you would throw up because-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah, me too, I-

<font color="#008000">Cameron: -your son was... transgender?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: What? No no no no no no... I meant, if I was dating a woman, and I thought she was truly woman [sic], but then I found out she was a hermaphrodite or a trans-gender... then-

<font color="#008000">Cameron: But- but... but yoooou... said that you... support their decisions to do that... why would you... why would you like, you know-

<font color="#008000">Troll: Freak out.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Freak out about it.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh; pause] Uhhh...

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah c'mon, people can do that operation thing, they don't- they- they feel kind of... well, people feel kinda picked on when they just don't get dates because of that. [pause] And it makes people feel bad, Chris, it kind of does.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh; pause] Uhgh. I'm sorry, it's... mmm.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: It's- it's okay.

A Wild Kitty Appears!
[pause]

[''Four soft beeps; the first two and last are identical, the third appears to be a Skype noise. Horrific, tortured yowling can be heard.'']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hi there sweety.

[More beeps, more pained yowling]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Excuse me. It's my cat. Excuse me. Hi sweety, what do you want? Are you hungry? Come on, I'll give you some food.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Can I talk to the kitty?

[Sound like a large avalanche of junk]

[Even more pained yowling.]

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hi Lucy! There you go.

[Hamsty giggles in the background; the general drift is 'it's okay, go on'.]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris? [pause] Did [inaudible] log out?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I was talking to my cats.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oh, okay.

<font color="#008000">Troll: What kind of cats do you have?

[pause]

[sound of typing]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Kitty!

Return Of The Dickgirls
<font color="#008080">Falsion: So uh, about the things we were saying before; if you found out, like, you know, would you still love that person?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Umm... [pause] uhh. If I f-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Like, if you had feelings for...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Umm... [longer pause] mmm. Hey Mum, whatcha up to?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [faint] Oh, okay...

[sound of mountains of junk, trash and rubbish being shuffled around]

<font color="#FF00FF">Snorlax: [faint] Somebody poop?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [faint] Yeeeah... Kitty did it already, I cleaned it up.

[possibly someone muttering in the background]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [faint] I did.

[pause, moving of junk]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. Right, so what was the question?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Wait, is that your mother? Can I talk to her?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm, no she just left.

[Julie, Falsion and Cameron talk over each other]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Aww, okay.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah Cogs said that- pretty much said it.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah, to your left.

[End talking over each other]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah so, what was the question?

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Like... if you loved someone- I mean, a girl and it turned out that she had a penis, would you still love her?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ooooh yeah. Uhh, mmm. No, I'd pre- no, I'd pretty much uh... break it off, but you know-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Not even friends?

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah, not even friends...?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I mean but uh, yeah but I mean, uh, yeah, I- I mean break up... relationship and go back to being just friends.

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Okay.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Oooh, okay.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: But Chris, looks don't always matter, shouldn't it be the person itself? I mean-

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Really, yeah!

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I mean, not, not what's on the outside but what's on the insi-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [talks over Julie]- I-I said I'd still be friends with that person. [Windows beeping]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yes well- yes, but why would you still break with them just 'cuz of that?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't mean- I meant... I meant, I meant, kill them- I meant, still be friends but... not be romantic.

[pause]

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Hmm.

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Also, I was wondering, um- I watch a lot of television and I was wondering um- do you watch professional wrestling? I love it, my father loves it, and um-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhhhh... no, not- no, I don't watch it often. No.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, like, you don't watch WWE or um... the Ultimate Fighting Championship?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I don't.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, okay.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: It just never really- it just never really interested me.

Cartoon Heroes, Audio Volume Fail
[The audio becomes extremely muted here]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] Oh, okay.

[pause, sound of mouse clicks and typing in the background]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] Also uhh, can you tell us, what's your favorite cartoon character?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [very faint] Uhh... who wants to know about it?

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] Me and [inaudible]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [very faint] Yeah well, when I heard, uh, it would be Sonic the Hedgehog I mean, you know but before him, I would say my hero would be The American Rabbit.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] Oh, that's great.

[Several trolls talk at once; due to the extreme quietness of the audio it is inaudible]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] -I mean, wait. Does that mean Sonic qualifies as like [inaudible] considering like you show... or, like, [inaudible]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [very faint] I consider it the number one in most ways.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] Yes but uh- that qualifies as a cartoon character if it's a video game... character.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: [very faint] Yes but he was also in a cartoon though, he had uh [inaudible]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: [very faint] I remember that too like, like, when I was a little kid The Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog- that's a fun show.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: [very faint] Yeah. [inaudible] Um Chris, which show did you like- did you like the one with uh, like the one which was on Saturday mornings, or... did you like the one with uh, with the [inaudible]

[Transcriber's note: Warning to listeners who may have their volume cranked to hear: the next speaker, presumably the person recording the conversation, has their volume at a normal level.]

<font color="#008080">Troll: [LOUD] They were all Steve Urkel as Sonic.

[Jaleel White, most famous for his role as Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom Family Matters, also voiced the character of Sonic the Hedgehog and other characters for Sonic the Hedgehog media.]

[Chris's next reply is muted and quiet again]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [very faint] Yeah, th- [inaudible]

Cartoon Heroes, Audio Volume Restored
[From this point on, the audio is back to normal]

<font color="#008080">Troll: [LOUD] D-did ya' like the one that had Sally, and-

[Chris and the troll talk over each other]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -Yeah, I liked the-

<font color="#008080">Troll: -Bonny, and other characters?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -Yeah- Yeah- I liked the Saturday Morning better than the... weekday.

[''Transcriber's note: There were two Sonic the Hedgehog cartoons showing at the time Chris was a kid. One was a shitty weekday serial which was basically slapstick comedy and random access humor while the other was a much more serious show. Surprisingly, Chris favored the serious show.'']

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I absolutely agree.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah, that was a much better one.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah. It was on, um- I think it was called like... the first one was The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, the second was SatAM... then there was Sonic Underground-

[Transcriber's note: SatAM is the nickname given to the serious Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon series.]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -then there was Sonic X.

Chris's Life as a Soap Opera
<font color="#008080">Troll: Here's a question, what's your favorite soap opera?

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah, d-do you watch them?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I watch soap opera- yeah, I've watched soap operas... I'd say, I've watched more- I've watched most often The Young and the Restless.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: OooOOOOoooh.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: A-And then- and then I also- [Windows beeping] during my teenage years I also watched MTV's Undressed.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Hmm.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I'm watching a soap opera.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah. Uhh, Chris- do you sometimes ever get the feeling that your life is kinda... a soap opera?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sounding annoyed] Yees. Yes.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Mmm. How so?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Just feels that- it just feels that way.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Mmm. The only thing-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You know, I get- I get a lot of drama in my lifetime.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Ahh. Do you- do you think that making your videos just... feeds into that a bit more?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] A lot of things have been... fed... to my... lifetime.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Ohh, really?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: So it's like... well. A lot. A lot of stuff. Like, yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah, you gotta keep doing what you do, you know, don't let the anyone get you down or anything.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Just... just like, the end of a very good story, like, everybody's life has a happy ending. The heroes. It's like a very good story.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

[The trolls talk over each other]

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Ooooh, hans-

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Ohh, really?

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh yeah- yeah- Hans here had a question here. He said- I he- I heard you're going to make a Chris Chandler show.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh; Chris sounds annoyed] That has- that has not been decided fully yet. Uhh, Vivian suggested it.

[The trolls talk over each other]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I think it's a great idea!

<font color="#008000">Various Trolls: Yeah! Yeah!

<font color="#008000">Cameron: I would watch it.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh. Like, if you did do that, would you do it on like a weekly basis or-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah- yeah I'd say more of a-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -like a daily, or like a monthly-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -I'd say more- I'd say more a weekly.

<font color="#008000">Troll: I'd watch it every time, I mean...

<font color="#008080">Falsion: How long would each show be?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] I- obviously ten minutes, I mean, there's uh- that's a limit.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Well you could divide it- [Various trolls interject, Falsion shouts over them] DIVIDE it into parts?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah you should make it like half an hour, e-every week.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhgh...

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Like Sonic SatAM.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah- I don't know. Uhh, that's for me to decide... eventually.

A Terrible Idea is Born
<font color="#008080">Troll: Also like The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog you could- you should add a segment for the children, like, you know, like, "Ask Chris" or "Chris Says"-

[Trolls talk over each other here, the general drift is to suggest names for the title.]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah like telling peo- telling kids not to do drugs and stuff like that.

<font color="#008080">Troll: [static-y] Sexual harassment and all that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Plus, will- [audio cut]

Rosechu-porn
<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. [pause] Yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Just make an eighteen-or-over section so we can all see the... comics-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [talks over Julie] Yeah I'll- I'll-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I'd love it.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I'll eventually make one of those, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

[Various trolls interject and try to talk, but Falsion wins]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -Chris. [pause] Yeah you know Chris, I heard something about a uh... poke'boy magazine I reckon that'd be pretty cool to release, you know. With the uh- with the uh... photos, and pinups of the-of all the Sonichu... uhh- the Rosechu girls. That uh, that I think'd- [Chris talks over Falsion] it'd be kind of fun.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [annoyed] Yeah well for your information it's two syllables, Rose-Chu, not Rose-a-chu it's...

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, okay. It's uh- it's uh-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [quietly] It's okay.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: It's west coast dialect.

Chris and Sonic Games
<font color="#008000">Cameron: I'm not sure if it's been asked before Chris, but do you prefer the 2D Sonic games or the 3D ones? Cuz' I like- I like the ones on the Genesis the best...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. [pause] Ahh. [pause] Mmm. I think I like 3D better.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Hmm. [pause] In my opinion Sonic 3D was the best.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Oh, that one was pretty awesome.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Definitely.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: That was the first- that was the first... 3D attempt at putting Sonic in 3D world, [Chris slurs his words into an indecipherable mess] anyway.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Actually, my favorite one was where you would take-

[A troll tries to talk over the first, but the first starts again after a brief pause]

<font color="#008080">Troll: My favorite one was where you would take Sonic and Knuckles and a- and latch Sonic 3 onto it, that was a great game.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

Back to the Show
<font color="#008080">Falsion: Also, um. I was wondering. If you were doing the show, would it be scripted or would it be like an improvisation, unscripted format? And would it have commercial... breaks?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Urgh... I would probably improvise, and no commercial breaks.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: O...kay.

[silence]

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Wait, wait. Commercial breaks... don't you understand how TV works?

[various trolls talk over each other, Cameron wins]

<font color="#008080">Cameron: How do you think they make money?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I know but uh... [pause]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yeah you could actually make money!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah well I'm not really sure how to do commercials on that note, so... I might just assume, uh...

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Or you could do it like Jimmy Kimmel, he does them on his show... live?

<font color="#008080">Falsion: You could just do your-

<font color="#008080">Troll: -yeah!-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -own multiple cuts, then like, take a break in between them uh- and between like let some stress out, get everything organized-

<font color="#008080">Troll: -like the-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -you know.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Put an ad commercial there, you in there... insurance [very unclear].

<font color="#008080">Troll: Or put in like some clips from your DVD or something. Or put on songs, or-

[Chris talks over the troll, but he keeps going.]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh no, I-I- [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Troll: -waiting music, or something like that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't know, I'd have to th- I don't [voice trails off] know I'd have to... go think about.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Okay.

Magazines
<font color="#008080">Cameron: Oh Chris, um- you remember a troll by the name of, uh, hottie96 on YouTube?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh... no I don't.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Oh well you don't? Oh, okay. Well, she [static] posted a video... of someone who... sent you... um, African-American magazines.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hm.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Yeah. Uhh, someone... put-[static] uhh, subscribed you- to your subscription for Jet, Essence, and uh... Vibe. And I was wondering-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: -if those actually ever showed up.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. [pause] None of them showed up.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: None of them? Oh, okay.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Ok good, because you know-

Daily Routine
<font color="#008080">Troll: Actually, I have a question.

[pause]

[''audio cut; the question is lost. Presumably, based on Chris's answer, it was about his daily routine.'']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh; pause] Yeah, it's- it varies, uh... you know, one day I'll be doing one thing, then next day I'll be doing something else, then some days I have to take a rest. Take- take days off.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Y-Yeah, I noticed that. It's like uh... it's like I can never tell like... w-what was it, I forgot what I was going to say.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] It's called a life.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, Hamsty is saying... well, what do you do? You don't have a job.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Troll: That was Hamsty and not me.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhhm... sure. Um... [pause] I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Hamsty is saying that you don't have a job, I mean, so you must have l-like a lot of free time so, you know, what do you do?

[audio cut]

<font color="#008080">Cameron: -me!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh. Mmm.

<font color="#008080">Troll: That's lucky.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Mmm hmm.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah. Oh Chris, I have a question related-

<font color="#008080">Troll: Wait, let him answer.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yes, I'm sorry.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Don't smother him like that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhhm... [pause] Yeah I can't really describe my uh... daily schedule on a... whim. At the moment. [soft 'pong!' in the background] And uh... Yeah I'd rather not say.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I get stressed one day and then I have to ta- then I have to recover.

[murmur of troll agreement]

<font color="#008080">Troll: I understand Chris.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I mean, you seem kinda busy all the time, I mean...

<font color="#008080">Troll: And if you're working on things you like all day, and usually that's how you relieve stress, if you get stressed from that- if you do that to relieve stress the next day, then how is that t-taking a day off?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. [pause] Uhhm... [pause] I don't know. I'm getting ti- these questions uh, I'm feeling uncomfortable with these questions.

Chris is Stressed, Moving On
<font color="#008080">Troll Chorus: Okay.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Hamsty has another question though. Since y- [audio goes extremely quiet here, inaudible]

[Presumably, the question was about what Sonichu would sound like.]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Umm... lemme think about that.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah, I've always wondered what Sonichu sounded like...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Umm... lemme think about that.

[Pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [Chris uses his 'Sonichu' voice, which is exactly identical to his normal voice, just a little less stressed] Hey Rosey, I'm gonna go take a swim!

[shocked pause]

[Many trolls join in an approving chorus]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Nice!

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah that's pretty cool.

[''Many, many voices, too numerous to make out']

<font color="#008080">Troll: Really bad-arse.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ok.

<font color="#008080">Troll: ...bad, bad, bad...

Comics Questions
<font color="#008080">Troll: So Chris, Chris I had a question- kinda related to the comics. If you could have any, like, major big time company... publish it... uh, who would it be? Like uhh, you know, DC, or Marvel, or someone like that. Would you-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: uhh-

<font color="#008080">Troll: -mind putting it out.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -I'd say probably Archie comics.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh nice, sticking with the classics.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Yeah, they did the uh, Sonic comics.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Oh uhh, Chris- um. Cogs had a question, I'll read it... um. Are your comics going to feature any lesbian relationships?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh... I don't think so.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Oh? How come? <font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm promoting being straight... for one thing.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Mm hmm!

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Ooooh, we thought you were okay with like, lesbians and stuff.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah, wi.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I mean... I might, I might not I don't know- it just... it's a f- it's an, uh, future thing so... it's uncertain at the moment.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Mmmmmm...

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Ahh. O-One thing, you said you wanted the game to go, like, multi-platform between... Nintendo and like the PlayStation, right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Well, what I'm confused about isn't- isn't Pokemon like a trademark of Nintendo? How would that work out? There would be a lot of copyright...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [Chris's voice is shrill and hysterical] I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW, I'm not a business... genius. I don't know. I'm not a business genius.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I was just asking.

[pause, loud sound of typing in the background]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhhm... yeah, I don't yeah I don't- yeah... it's I-it's only a possibility, just a random- just a random idea I had. It's just like- yeah.

[pause]

Sailor Moon
<font color="#008080">Troll: Chris, I've just remembered something. Uhh- I- you're good- you're a pretty- you're a pretty big Sailor Moon fan, weren't there some lesbians in Sailor Moon?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [pause] You're thinking of... Sailor Neptune and Uranus. [Chris uses the other pronunciation of Uranus, probably to avoid that whole 'Your Anus' thing.]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah!

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yes.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah, I thought what they had was pretty special, I mean, you could do something like that.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I'm not sure about that.

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, speaking of Sailor Moon, who's your favorite Sailor Scout?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, um, by the way, speaking of Sailor Moon, what's your favorite Sailor Scout- if you don't mind me asking.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Sorry, what was the question?

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Who is your favorite Sailor Scout, out of the whole group?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Sailor Jupiter for me.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Mine is, um-

[Chris and Falsion answer at the same time]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I like Mercury.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -Mercury.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh yeah, she was hot.

[The trolls talk over each other]

<font color="#008080">Troll: I liked Chibi-moon.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: I liked Sailor Saturn.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I haven't got the opportunity to watch that show since it was on-

[audio cut]

Other Cartoons
<font color="#008080">Troll: Have you seen Inu Yasha?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: What do you- what did ya' think of it?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Good show.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Cool, cool. What's your favorite character?

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'd say Kagome.

<font color="#008080">Troll: What about- umm, what's some other stuff on... you watch Adult Swim, right? Have you seen Code Geese [sic]? I think that's what it...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [annoyed] Code GEASS.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah yeah.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I've seen that.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Noodle people!

<font color="#008080">Troll: What do you- what do you think of uh, you know uh, you know any characters you like..?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uhh... C- I haven't really gotten into that- gotten really fully into it yet. I mean I watched the bi-

<font color="#008080">Troll: -yeah-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I mean I started watching it when I... got into Adult Swim because I saw, uh, a Japanese PSP game... that had- that was, uh, had like- had that- those- uh- that was of Code Geass, but uh... and the guy- and the guy- that reminded me of... Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Yo!.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Uhh Chris, since I've noticed you like anime and also romantic ones could I recommend like two anime for you, by any chance?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] ...Yeah, sure.

<font color="#008080">Troll: A'right, I've got your Skype right here, so I can... I'll PM- I'll PM you the links even? Like, one's called, 'When They Cry' and the other's called 'School Days', which I think you might like most. [Transcriber's note: Chris is HIGHLY unlikely to enjoy either of these, except for the fact there's a lot of women in them.]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'll see.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Uhrm- Hang on, I'll get you the links. Also-

[audio cut]

All About Cocks
<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -uhh, Super Nintendo and the GameCube. [pause] I dunno, for the Super Nintendo I'd like uh... [pause] mmm.

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Hey Chris.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: When it comes to Anime, do you like girls who are kind of... more-more of a sweet, you know, kind, soft hearted disposition or do you like them to be strong fighters?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. I like both, actually. [pause] But I think I'm uh more into the- I think I'm... like, you know, if I could put, you know, half-half.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh. I see. Um. Also, on Adult Swim, you ever watch an Anime called- um Shin Chan.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh, Shin-Chan.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yes.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. Yeah I mean it's uh, it's okay, but I don't care much for uh... the nudie parts. I don't care- I don't care much for dem [sic].

[Another troll talks over Cameron, but his voice is more audible]

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Why don't you like the nude parts, you have a problem with the... human body?

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm.

[Cameron and the troll talk over each other]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I mean you draw it in your comics so you must have plenty to say-

<font color="#008080">Cameron: [singing] You must have hooonor- honooor honor and a peeeenis...

[silence]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm. [pause] Yeah I don't like look'n- yeah I just don't like looking at- I-I just- dicks offend me.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh. I see. Um, ever seen Case Closed?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Uhh. [pause] Uhh Chris, remember that one time you drew uhh, Sonichu with his penis out? Were you offended by that or what?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I drew it with a condom.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I- I never drew it-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, with a condom it's okay, right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Large difference.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I- I'm sorry man, I'm sorry.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: So... how exactly does Sonichu's penis work? It- it slides out...?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: We went through this in the comic, though... You should read the comic.

[the trolls shout over each other]

<font color="#008080">Troll Chorus: Yeah!

<font color="#008080">Cameron: I still don't understand it, kind of.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: You must be illiterate, then.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Bueh he-[sic] First he has to get stiff, and den [sic] he has to lean forward to make it come out. I got the idea from-

<font color="#008080">Cameron: I don't really me-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -I got the idea from the line where he says "Hey, mine goes inside me when I stand up, how do you think I feel?"

[the trolls talk over each other; all dialog inaudible]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah, Hamsty had a question.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yes. Hamsty asked, "Are you into poop, Chris? Cuz that's a kink-"

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Troll: -Cuz that's kinky, I remember you said you had on... crapped briefs.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] Yeah. I don't like poo.

<font color="#008080">Troll: No-one does.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Only sick weirdos like poop.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I know I don't.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I won't say much then.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: What?

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah, we were talking to Clyde.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] Well I had- well I had up some cat poo now and then, 'n... [pause] Uhh-

<font color="#008080">Falsion: -did you get a boner?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I was trying, I was trying- nnn. What?

[pause]

On DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS
<font color="#008080">Falsion: Okay, um. Remember that time you were arguing with Clyde, 'n... you said you had like, dirty crapped briefs? Like, why did you say that to him? [pause] I'm kinda confused by that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't know, I was uh- I don't know, he-he caught- I don't know, I was, I was... I don't know why I said it.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh. Oh, oh, I- [Falsion and a troll talk over each other] remember what happened now.

<font color="#008080">Troll: -Yeah, you said you had dirty, crapped briefs. I remember, cuz-cuz he was, he was, calling you on the uhh- um, on- on the um, on the women's underwear thing. That's right.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, yeah yeah yeah. That's right. [pause] Cuz-

[The trolls talk over each other]

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: No, he was talking about, um, mm. About Chris's... mother's underwear. And Chris, you said bra and panties were considered underwear, and underwear is a type of clothing, and uh brief [sic] and boxer equals clothing as well.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I mean, that was a pretty good comeback there I just wanna know what... motivated it.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't remember.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Uhh yes, Clyde can be... Clyde can be an arsehole.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

[pause]

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Yeah, I-I used that once, someone was like- talking crap to me and I told him that and he like, backed away. So yeah, it was a good comeback.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [quiet] Uhg.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I see, um. [pause]

[audio cut]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I dunno, uh... I might. I might.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I'm a cat- I'm a cat person too.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: I love cats!-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: [high pitched screeching] MEOW!

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: -I have one.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: [wistfully] I'd love to have one some day.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: I wish I had one. My mother wouldn't let me.

<font color="#008080">Cameron: Mmm. It's- [inaudible]-in my apartment to have one.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Oh, she just- she's just allergic.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I had another question, uhh- I remember when like, Clyde was showing off that Rabbichoso thing... and you were like, it's a site for ventilation cracks- where do you come up with that? That's so good.

[''Presumably, this is from a Mumble chat that has not been transcribed yet. I could find no record of what the troll is blabbering about.'']

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [skeptical] Ventilation cracks?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah, you said his drawing-

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: -yeah, what does that mean?-

<font color="#008080">Troll: -was like a site for a ventilation cracks.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [high pitched, defensive] I never said that!

<font color="#008080">Falsion: That was an awesome comeback.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yes you did.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [annoyed] I don't remember saying ventilat- I said that- I said that... I said that was crap.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oooooh.

<font color="#008080">Falsion: Ohh, even better diss.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I said it was crap.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, okay.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: A'right.

[pause]

Lightening the Mood
<font color="#009966">Matthew Devoria: Hmm. [pause] Maybe we should lighten things up a bit. Uhh- Is there anything you [sudden voice change, voice now quite high pitched] want to talk about, Chris?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yes.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] Nothing... right at the moment, I mean, I'm... trying to get logged in so I can upload the uh... scanned... letter. [pause] So y'all can... read it for yourselves.

<font color="#009966">Matthew Devoria: [faint] Did you get- [audio cut]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeeah.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Yeah, I'll do- I'll do that eventually. [pause] Y'know, soon enough.

[The trolls all talk over each other, encouraging him to upload it.]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Wait, Chris is trying to talk!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, those uh, ju-for your information they are not lost episodes, they are just removable deleted scenes. You know, they can work one way with them or one way with- or another way without 'em. It's just the way I designed it. [pause] Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Also, um, Rosie has a question she typed, she's wondering if you were considering undergoing speech therapy because you seem to have pronouncin-, trouble pronouncing uh, 'th', and all that stuff.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I took speech therapy during my early childhood years.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Hmm

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Oh me too! I had- I have- I still have troubles pronouncing 'r' words and then-then they just told me it was like a problem with my jaw.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Also, um, I had a younger brother, true story, that, he couldn't pronounce certain words when he was in kindergarten so yellow he couldn't do y sounds, he was like, 'lellow'. But, going through speech therapy, he's actually overcome it. He's actually a very impressive linguist now.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh, well that's good. You know I can imitate somebody who doesn't have their two front teeth even though I do have my two front teeth?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh. Could we hear?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [soul-crushing imitation] All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth! My two front teeth! All I want for Chwiss-mathh itth my two fwont teeth!

[trolls start out giggling, devolving into guffaws]

<font color="#008080">Troll: That was hilarious.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah that's Spike Jones' classic. That you hear every Christmas.

<font color="#008080">Troll: It is a classic.

<font color="#008000">Cameron: Okay but uh, there's two questions on the side, from Monsieur Parfait: Hey Chris! What are you feelings on the PS3 being the main pick for the gay community and gay online gaming community, using PSN as their main social network-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ok, you can stop right there 'cause you're bothering me. You can stop right there 'cause you're bothering me.

<font color="#008080">Troll: We'll toss that question out. Let's move on.

Communism
<font color="#008000">Cameron: Hamsty wants to know what you think of China. I guess he means the country, so...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, it's a good country.

<font color="#008080">Troll: You like Chinese food?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, it's alright.

<font color="#008080">Troll 2: So wait, you're saying that communism is good? That's not very American of you.

<font color="#008080">Troll: No, that's not-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Wait, wait what?

[Chris and Troll 2 talk over each other]

<font color="#008080">Troll 2: Communism-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Food.

<font color="#008080">Troll 2: No, you sai-no you were asked what you think of China. You said you thought it was good. So you're saying that communism is good?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: What-no. I did not say that. I just said that the country was good.

<font color="#008080">Troll 2: Yeah- that-

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: The country isn't that same as its government, though.

<font color="#008080">Troll 2: No, yes it is, yes it is! They support the communist-

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh you be quiet.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, you be quiet, he's had enough.

Cwcville Work Force
<font color="#008080">Troll: I was just wondering one thing about uh Cwcville, um, do the people in Cwcville have to work or do they get money from the government?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: S- yes, it's pretty much like real life, some work, some don't some get eh- you know it's just like- basically real life. Matching there.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, so like, everyone has to like, work and stuff?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. [pause] Dude I got the images up, I just uh, put up the link there.

[trolls respond approvingly]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Sonichu and Rosechu, do they have a job? Do they have a job or what, because I never like see 'em working in the comic, I'm kinda confused.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] Well, it's just like a whole- hmm, there's too many details to figure out there so just- you could just assume that you know there are so many tall buildings, so many office buildings, so many stores and all that, you could assume that a lot- that most everybody is working.

<font color="#008080">Troll: So what like, what's Sonichu's job?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: What?

<font color="#008080">Troll: What's uh, Sonichu's job.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh. Well shoot he's uh...[pause] Well, he protects Cwcville, for one thing.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Does he get paid for it?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, I pretty much give him- give him his own privileges.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh so like everything is free for him?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Isn't that an abuse of power? You were democratically elected weren't you?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Ok, you need to shut up, really.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Someone kick out Crass.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Crass, you're acting like an asshole.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Chris, I kicked him.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Good. Yeah,he was be- he was being very annoying.

<font color="#008080">Troll: He has an annoying voice, too.

<font color="#008080">Troll: He's also gay.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah he's a homo.

[huffing into mic]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah anyway.

<font color="#008080">Troll: So what about Rosechu, does she work?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm, I haven't really thought about- uh, nah- nah- I'd say- nah- she's got same-no. She's got privileges too.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, that's cool.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But you know its like I couldn't- it's not like I couldn't offer her like a, job or something, I just never really thought about giving the hedgehogs anything-a job- giving the hedgehogs jobs.[troll talks over Chris] Just never came up.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah, I'm just saying, they always seem to be like, you know, on their like, time off, or like having- on spring breaks and stuff, I just wondered if any of the characters like worked, or what.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. I never really thought about them having jobs. I just-

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: Well, in a way, their job is to protect Cwcville and, and when they do i bet its really hard and they need all they can-

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, they all protect Cwcville?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, I thought it was just Sonichu's job. <font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

[pause]

More Anime Suggestions
<font color="#008080">Troll: Alright, uh, anyone else have any questions?

<font color="#008080">Logan: Uh, yes, uh did you happen to get my uh, pm, Chris? On Skype?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Um, uh, are you Logan?

<font color="#008080">Logan: Yes, that's me.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I got them.

<font color="#008080">Logan: Alright.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ok.

<font color="#008080">Logan: Uh, just download that later of your own free leisure.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ok.

<font color="#008080">Logan: It's a highly recommended one. It's what...Julie got me into a little while back.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [annoyed] Oh. I see.

<font color="#008080">Logan: Mm-hmm.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah it's, it's made by sonic game, actually.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, you should really play with us.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, what on your uh, your PS online thing?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: No um, Phantasy Star Online, yeah, you should play with us.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, Ph- oh- yeah I'll think about that. Oh yeah I just- yeah I was just- yeah I was just uh...uh yeah, uh Logan you were talking about the one your anime was uh, it's out- dynas-destiny?

<font color="#008080">Logan: Uh no it's uh, there's two I was trying to make you watch, uh, one is called When They Cry and the other is-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh yeah. Yeah I see that. Alright well yeah I'll just- yeah well I'll just download the torrents and all. Download them- from the torrents. Later on. I have uh- I have- I have the uh, I have a- Limewire.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh I- yeah, I use that too, every now and then.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

Spice Girls
<font color="#008080">Troll: Also um, Monsieur Parfait also asked you um, uh who was your favorite Spice Girl, Christian, and why?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Spice Girl. Uh, I'm not really sure. But I do- But I do- But I did like Spice Girls. I just never really thought of which one was my favorite.

<font color="#FF0000">Brit-Troll: I liked Emma, Baby Spice.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I liked Scary Spice 'cause she's scary.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I liked Sporty, she seemed pretty nice.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [uninterested] Yeah.

[pause]

The History of Cwcville
<font color="#008080">Troll: So Chris, when was Cwcville founded?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm...I've gi- I gave that some thought, I just uh, haven't uh, made it official yet. But mmm...yeah I- yeah I figure that uh, for the origin story of Cwcville, basically it was founded by my father. And he named it- and he named it after- me, cause I was just born. Cause I woulda just been born.

<font color="#008080">Troll: And it would be like, your legacy and stuff.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: So it would be born in- so it would have been founded in...1982?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

On Copyrights
<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh that's pretty neat. Um, Chris, I was wondering, um, do you remember um, people were talking about like, you- you say you copyrighted Sonichu around the year 2000, and um people were um say-, people were otherwise claiming that um, maybe you didn't have it copyrighted, maybe that it's not in the database but, I was wondering, to prove them wrong, can you show us the copyright? [wheedling] Can you show us your copyright for Sonichu?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh...what are you talking about, like uh, papers and such?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mostly- yeah well mostly I just did like uh, what my father told me-what my father told me was viable, little c-in-a circle.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Uh, the, instant one. Well, there's also um, registered copyrights or um-[Chris interrupts]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah well- yeah well actually I did pay 35 bucks to uh...[talking to himself] hang on I got you on book mark...uh, shoot- Oh yeah, to the Library of Congress, I paid them 35 bucks for- for a copyright on that but I haven't heard any- I haven't heard anything back from them.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, w-when did that happen?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Years ago.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Oh, I see.

<font color="#008080">Troll: You know, you should try to get a new copyright, maybe they'll listen this time.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Or, what you can do is um, go to um, copyrights.gov, that's actually where I had them copyright a patent one time.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I see, hmm.

<font color="#008080">Troll: The rate's like 45 dollars now, but I mean, an extra ten bucks, I don't think it would hurt.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm. Well, I'll consider that.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I mean there's rumors that Clyde might be able to forge uh, forge documents to get it copyrighted before you, maybe you should get on that. I mean I-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh, pause] Well anyway uh, importantly did uh, y'all see the letter I've uploaded.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah that's right.

[audio skipping, windows beeping, long pause]

<font color="#008080">Troll: I've been wondering, what does Cwc cola taste like?

<font color="#008080">Troll: Actually, this doesn't look real at all. I mean uh, Nintendo Of America, Incorporated, aren't they called uh- wait, wait a second hold on-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, yeah it's Nintendo of America, Inc

<font color="#008080">Troll: Hmm

<font color="#008080">Troll: I don't know, this doesn't look- legit for some reason.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I mean look at the letterhead!

<font color="#008080">Troll: It's easy to fake a letterhead though, you know.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah you can even buy one of those.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I mean I could copy and paste and put that into, you know, a word template or something like that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, that's a real signature.

<font color="#008080">Troll: What people can do is like, sometimes they just plain take the signature from another paper and they can put it on anything else and s-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I mean like, ok it's been like, it's actually serious offenses as well, it's like, people are copyrighting um, signatures, it's like identity theft.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Troll: I'll tell you what I'll do, Chris. One of my other cousins is a uh, he's a forensics analysis...guy. He uh, he reads like, notes people leave at the scene of a crime or letters from criminal cases and he can tell when something's fake or, someone like, you know, there was a case one time when someone murdered someone, and they forged a suicide note but they took [it to] him and he read it and looked to make sure that it was actually, you know, they wanted to see whether or not it was real, and he can spot a fake like, you know, like nothing.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: All right well you do what you want.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Ok.

A Wild Clyde Appears!
<font color="#0033FF">Chris: All right well- all right well it's been fun but uh, I'm gonna head home now, I should get something to eat and uh-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Uh oh, Chris.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, Julie?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: He's here...

[trolls groan]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well then it's a good time to...

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Well, wait! What do you say to one last showdown?

<font color="#008080">Troll: We don't even want you in here Clyde, what are you doing here?

<font color="#008080">Clyde: [says something about Julie] She might not admit, but she's worried for the future with you.

<font color="#008080">Troll: [super dramatic voice] Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!

<font color="#008080">Troll: Wow, that's gonna threaten him.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: C'mon Julie, admit it.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hey Clyde, you can lay off-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I talked to him, but that's it.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Clyde, you're worthless [unintelligible]

<font color="#008080">Troll: Clyde you are an asshole.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Everybody pipe down. Everybody pipe down.

<font color="#008080">Troll: Fuck you Clyde.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Clyde, I talked to Vivian. And everything's o- and everything's okay. You can lay off.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: No, I refuse to lay off. Forget whatever the bitch says! Alright? 'Cause I've been talking with Julie, and she's gonna have a miserable life if she goes with you. I've been talking to her goddamn parents, and they're gonna fucking take her away. [pause] Tell me Chris...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Clyde, you can, Clyde, just lay off- we- I know that Vivian-

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Julie I- Julie- come on-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: -I know that Vivian has asked you to uh, just to try to pick on- to pick on me to get me to clean up my room and I did clean up my room. I got- I held up my end of the bargain so why don't you just leave us alone?

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Look, it's not enough, it's by Julie's request. Not Vivian's, not mine, but Julie's request. She just couldn't have the balls to tell you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Right Julie?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Ummm...yes.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: She's worried and I'm trying to get it to you, through your little head, that's she is just gonna break it off if you don't clean up your god-damned act.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Julie, you se- I did clean up my room.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: That's not all. Tell me Chris, do you pay your taxes?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm...I don't have to pay my taxes.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Why?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: My family - my family helps me manage my taxes, and I don't have that much uh, income to tax.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: But either way- but when your parents are gone who's gonna help you do the taxes?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] I'll worry about that when that- when I cross that bridge.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: God- oh come- you have to know now, you're 26 years old, you musta paid taxes a couple times. You gotta figure that out, man.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I paid sales tax.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: [sigh] Chris, you have a credit card right. So how- how- how much debt do you have on that card?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I take- I plead the fifth.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You plead the fifth? Ohhh, come on, Julie has to know about your financial situation.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: If Julie wants to know she and I can dis- discuss it in private. We don't need you to uh-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris...Clyde does have somewhat of a point. I am kind of worried about... the future.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: I'm just trying to help here. If you two went on your crazy ass marriage you two would have been divorced in a month. I'm trying to goddamn help. You better answer me.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Fine, I have a huge credit card debt.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Well how much? I would like to quantify this so I can do some calculations.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm...nearly 2K.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Ugh, man. And you said you had a savings of one hundred? That leaves you with one thousand, nine hundred. To start a marriage with. You are screwed!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, I pay it off in monthly payments.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: And how long, do you think it will take you to pay it off?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Due time.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: It's going to take you years to pay that off. Tell me, how much do you pay off each month?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I pay off about a hundred each month.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You do know that's compound with interest, right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: It's going to take you ten years to pay that off if you keep doing minimum payments.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh]

<font color="#008080">Clyde: What-what is your credit score?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I don't know my credit score.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You should look that up. You get for free, once a year, from three different companies. You should get it and report back to me, okay? Because Julie doesn't understand this, but I do, and I can help you with this. I'm just trying to goddamn help you. Don't take this as an insult, but if you want your marriage ruined, fine.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well Clyde, I'll tell you what. If you wanna help me, you can come see me in person and we can talk about this.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, can I say something?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes Julie?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: You could try getting a job. That could also help, when we do get married.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, well, when the time comes and I decide-and uh, and ah-when the decision comes that I'll have to get a job then I will.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Alright, thank you.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: But you don't have any capital now! You don't have any money now!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Clyde, you've done enough.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Really? That's just the tip of the iceberg. I mean, what-what's the-can you even cook?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, I can.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: What can you cook?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can cook anything that's within my cookbook.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: What is your favorite thing to cook for Julie. I'm sure she'd love to know.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: A good chicken noodle soup.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Fantastic. Doesn't that sound delicious, Julie?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: [on the brink of tears] It could be...I don't know!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Julie don't listen to-Julie don't listen to Clyde.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: She's not worried about me, she's worried about your future.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Julie, you don't have to worry, we'll work it out!

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: But Chris, I am worried!

<font color="#008080">Clyde: And another thing, Chris. How much fast food do you eat goddamn!

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, can I suggest something?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: You could better yourself, you could take...lessons and you could get a really high paying job. I just wanna suggest that cause I'm really...I will admit, I am worried about the future, I'm sorry.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Julie, I understand your concern. And you don't have to worry, I'll get myself a jo-I'll get a-I'll get myself a job soon enough, I'll would like it-I would appreciate it if you would still have faith in me and have faith in the future.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Alright, I'm still somewhat unsure...

<font color="#008080">Clyde: [talking over Julie] You're going to have faith when you don't see any action?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: ...but, I can. But Chris, what job will you get?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm, I tried to, uh, get best job there is available around here, that I could get from, umm, from my previous experiences at least and my CADD degrees and whatnot.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Oh, okay.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You haven't looked, have you? You're lying, aren't you?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You're right, I haven't looked, but that doesn't mean I can't start looking so I can start looking!

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, I've-I've been thinking, and I think Clyde really is trying to help us. You need to help Clyde help us, do you know what I mean?

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You have been lying to Julie about looking for a job? Christ Almighty, how much have you lied to her?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But, Clyde, I'm willing to accept your help, but you do not need to be having such an insultive tone that you're giving off.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Chris, there's a reason why I do this. I am the last resort, okay? I am the last chance for you to salvage any type of relationship with any woman. Y'know, you can sweet talk a woman, you can sweet talk any of your Sonichu Girls, but you know what? Within a month, you'll be divorced by Every. Single. One.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I did-that doesn't mean-I mean I never said that we'd have to get married right away, I never said that.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Even then when you two are living together-it's not about marriage, it's about being together, even.

[long pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well like I said when the time comes I'll deal with it at my own pace, but, y'know right now I can and I promised Julie that I will-

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Don't deal it at your pace, deal it at your relationship's pace. AKA, you and Julie. Don't be selfish.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, I've been doing some research in Christianity. Isn't that what you said you had-what you followed?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: And I read it, and apparently there's no sex before marriage, it's God's way.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, actually, uh, actually, under the Methodist faith, it's-uh, it's okay.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Alright, but I'm still wondering. It is God's way, maybe, wait who is it?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: It's-uh it's okay Julie. Julie, I tried-

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: No! How is it alright, though?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: As long as you and I and we love each other truly.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Hnm.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Okay. Okay, okay, I got another question. What- How much- What kind of, I mean, do you cook for yourself? Every week? Or you do go out for fast-food or something.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I cook myself- for myself the majority of the week.

[pause]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Hnmm. Chris, what do you make?

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Or do you just go out to eat?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I did not go out to eat every day of the week, Clyde.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: But how often?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'd say probably 2 or 3- 2 or 3 meals out of the week.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: So the rest of the time, you cook. Right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Wha- what, so? What do you cook? For yourself, that is.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I cook for myself a lot of things.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Like what? I mean, Julie would love to know what you can cook, so she have uh, you know, feeling what her diet might be.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Yes, what do you make for yourself? I don't mean to side with Clyde, but, what do you make for yourself?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I make uh, I make myself some veget- some vegetables and uh, meat, some soups... depends on what I have with me after shopping has happened.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You cook for your parents, then, right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, my parents, they pretty much take care of themselves.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: That's...kinda selfish that you don't cook for them. I mean, your living with them.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, they have their- they live on two separated- their downstairs and I'm upstairs.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Goddamn, I mean, you just, move out! I mean, Christ. Julie would- Julie, do you feel confortable with Chris's parents-

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'd like to move out but it's kinda hard for me to know my destination, and I'm not sure what my destination would be when I move out. At this time. But uh, after Julie, after Julie moves here and finds her apartment, I'm willing to move out of my house and move in with her.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: And how much do you think you gonna support Julie? I mean, you said you gonna be the house husband, right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: So why isn't YOU looking for the house and not her?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'll wait- I'll wait for Julie to come here and she and I can go looking together.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: ...Chris? Can I tell you something, Chris?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I did some math, and 800 dollars a month is not only—interrupted by Windows bleeps—part-time and the family is more than that.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh...by the family, you mean, you and me?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I believe so, yes.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...Yeah. *sigh* Alright, well, yeah, well, I will definitely work into finding a job. I promise you, Julie.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: I am not sure if I can get many jobs, you know, as I am considered immigrant.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah I understand. I'll look for it. I'll look for work.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Thank you, Chris.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: And what you gonna look for?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: *big sigh* Depends on uh, who's hiring around here and what I can find avaliable to me that's, uh works with my abilities.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, you should try and get one now, so you could help saving money for renting day.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I will think about that.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: I mean what kind of position are you looking for?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Can't say right now, because... just came- this whole- this just came with the spur of the moment.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: I mean, you gotta look for a dream job or something, right?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: *sigh* I never had a dream job.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: He's never had... you've never even thought about getting that perfect job- ever?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I just never had, just never had a job occurred in a dream.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: I don't mean literally! It just means something that you would like to do for the rest of your life.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, when it comes to work, I'm just not short- I'm just not sure.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: -worried.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Aww. But Julie, Julie, for the best of abilities I'm willing to uh, go out and work and find something that I can do. I mean, even- even if it's an office job.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Uh...

<font color="#008080">Clyde: What do you do everyday, Chris? What you do? I mean, you don't have a job, you play videogames, what else do you do?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: *SIGH* I do a lot, I dot a lot of things everyday.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: That was not specific enough. I want to know how you do your time management--

[weird noises]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well because currently I am without a job- because currently, without a job, it's kind of- it's kinda varies from day to day. But I am willing to get a job and make it more solid for the day-to-day of my future.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: I mean, you- what do you do at home, do you just sit there? Hoping money is going to fly to you or something?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Then, what do you do?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I do a lot of creative things, like- yeah, yesterday I cleaned up my room.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Actually, Chris, what do you do everyday? I'm wondering.

[awkward silence]

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: ...Chris?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am, yeah, I'm just thinking.

[more silence]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mostly I'm creative. But I have things to do everyday.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: You're not being specific enough, you're just saying I have things. What? Do you just jack-off all day?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: NO!

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Well, what do you do?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Right now I don't have a very solid schedule, like you know, what I do on a day-to-day basis.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: I mean, you could at least gone to school and, you know, get something.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I did go to school and I did get something...

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Go to school again.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...and I'm willing to get a job and—I'm willing to get a job based on what I have learned from my school days.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Hey Chris? Chris? Chris, can I say something?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: As long you're on your free time, you should really try to work more on you comic and make as much money as you can, because that's kinda is your job, at least right now.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. It is.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: So can you work harder on the comic?

<font color="#008080">Clyde: *laugh* You fail at that, the only thing with your time it's make those Sonichu comics and you can only pop one out every four months, having my brother- GODDAMN YOU CHRIS.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Julie, I promise to work harder and more swifting on my comics.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Alright, thank you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I will- I'm gonna- I gonna heel now I'll talk to you later, Julie.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: Just another of my goddamn words, Chris.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Chris, one last thing?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: About the comics, you should try and get one of these monthly or at least bi-monthly.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah.

<font color="#008080">Clyde: And how you're gonna make money with that? You're just wasting your time.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Wait, Chris

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh?

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Are you still gonna play burnout?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Tonight, yeah.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: We are-

<font color="#008080">Clyde: And that's what you do with your spare time, play Burnout. Ha ha ha.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: CLYDE, SHUT UP. I'll talk to you later, Julie.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Okay, I'll turn on my PS3.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ich baan schwill, Julie.

<font color="#FF00FF">Julie: Okay. Ich bin schwul.

[Chris disconnects]

<font color="#008080">Clyde: SKAJSHRLA oh-

<font color="#D44942">Bluespike: Haha! Oh! He said I'm gay What a faggot! Did y'all hear that? Chris is gay! He says so himself!

[Trolls talk over each other]

<font color="#008000">Troll: You actually got him to say it!

<font color="#008000">Troll: But you said it as well, so I don't know, man...

<font color="#D44942">Bluespike: Oh oh. You're right. STAY ST-RAIGHT.

<font color="#008000">Troll: Goddamnit Bluespike, you wanna play videogame-

[random shit]

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