Kacey and Liquid Call



The Kacey and Liquid Call is the penultimate phone call in the Kacey saga, taking place on an unknown date somewhere between the Father Call and The End For Real. It was leaked by Bryan Bash to /cwc/ on 11 November 2009.

In this call, Solid Chris, who was suffering from a significant amount of burnout from the aforementioned Father Call, tries to defend Sonichu Special #4, as well as his life choices and actions, to Kacey. What is already an emotionally-damaging call for Chris gets even more awkward when Liquid Chris arrives. At that point, Solid loses it, and the conversation grinds to a screeching halt as Solid and Liquid have a massive fight between who is the real Chris and who is more deserving of Kacey. All in all, Solid repeatedly showed her how much he is unworthy of her love. Borb also makes an appearance as Solid tries to hide behind their skirts.

"You shot him!" (00:00-09:29)
Chris asks Kacey if she got the comic that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris shoots Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual Chris-chan Sonichu stories, instead of a violent revenge fantasy where Chris wounds Kacey's real-life boyfriend. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life and doesn't have plans to actually shoot Liquid. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to imply he wants to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

"It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)
In addition to upsetting her with the comic, Chris disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he could be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has in fact been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

"That's not volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's LittleBigPlanet date level was originally made for another girl. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be a dude. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly tards out. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he is filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing Pokémon with children counts as volunteer work.

Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)
Kacey states that her father is right; Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her for one thing and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to guilt her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great friend she is.

Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:37)
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about her. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey states she hates liars, which doesn't bode well for Solid. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her (and that's not even getting into how their relationship even began with a lie). Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt when Chris claims to have been looking at her face.

Here Come the Drums (22:38-30:17)
Things take a truly interesting turn when the TRUE and HONEST Chris arrives home, and picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Upon realizing who is on the other end of the line, the conversation degenerates into a long shouting match between him and Solid. Solid ignores Kacey for a majority of the rest of the call, instead repeatedly raging when Liquid calls him "Ian Brandon Anderson". Noting how much he lies, Kacey accuses Chris of forging his documents, like his driver's license and diploma, given he repeatedly accused Liquid of doing the same. Liquid then notes how Solid is fat, which really pisses him off and leads him to shout out insults (while constantly saying how hurt he is by Liquid insulting him). Liquid then says he is going to the jerkops with the gun comic.

"Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)
Kacey doesn't think that Chris is autistic, saying he acts more bipolar than anything, and that he possibly can't have autism papers. Solid invites Liquid over to his house, but Kacey is worried that he will get shot (Solid did draw himself doing exactly that in the comic, after all). Liquid reveals he and Kacey were "making passionate love to each other" at 14 Branchland Court, which seems to really piss off Solid. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is far too busy being worried about his identity than paying attention to what she is saying.

Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)
Kacey notes that her dad gave Liquid his blessing, not Solid (and he did exactly that during the Father Call). Liquid has a job and will turn Sonichu into a real franchise. Solid whines about truth and honesty, and after Kacey yet again calls him out for lying, he has had enough. He proceeds to wake up Barb and Bob to try and get them to tell off Liquid; Bob reveals that the call is taking place at midnight, and seems rather annoyed that his son woke him and his wife up for the sole purpose of warding off strangers on the phone. Kacey and Liquid both go silent when Bob comes on the line, and Barb - in perhaps some of the smartest advice she's ever given - tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch". Flabbergasted, Kacey basically tells him to fuck off, feeling beyond offended that he didn't even try to defend her from being called a bitch by her supposed boyfriend's own mother. She then declares she will marry Liquid. Solid exits the call, but not before telling Liquid that he will out him as the liar.

Video
Chris: Hello?

Kacey: [exasperated] Hey, Chris, it's Kacey.

Chris: Hey, Kacey. How are you?

Kacey: [draws air through teeth] Um... I'm okay.

Chris: Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?

Kacey: Yeah! Um...I'm a little disturbed by the violence in it. You, you, you shot Chris!

[pause]

Chris: Only in the legs. So he wouldn't g—, so he wouldn’t co—, so he wouldn't chase after us.

Kacey: But that's, that's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!

[pause]

Chris: Well...Okay, well...I'm sorry.

Kacey: Like, why did you think that was appropriate? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [briefly cries and sniffles]

Kacey: I mean...

Chris: Well, I mean, like...

Kacey: ...he's a lot nicer than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you shot him!

Chris: Well, he came after me, well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a knife!

Kacey: But, but, but still, I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more honorable to, to kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it, I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!

Chris: Mmm...Well...I didn't really want to kill him. I mean, I didn’t wa—, I, I don't...Would you rather have, I have actually shot him dead instead of just...shooting him in the legs?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Well, I, I'd rather you...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Or—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: ...not have shot him at all, but, I mean, I'm just saying, it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, transform into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've never seen you, like, attempt to kill somebody...in a comic before!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the...I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real—, realistic in...these pages, ‘cause it's more close to real life, uh—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: So, you're saying that...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: —y’know—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: ...you would shoot him in real life?

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, in se—, in self-defense! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my, in that, in, y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... in real life, I would appre—, I would, uh, try, I would, uh—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Where would you get a gun, anyway?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm... Well, I don’t, I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off, based off the, uh, based off...Generation 1 Megatron.

[pause]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on, on...Transformers? What?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Uh...no. Y’see, I have the, I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron, y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I know, but you shot him with a real gun in the comic. Like, like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him a little? That's just weird. I just, I mean, like, I was expecting, like, you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you shooting him. [laughs incredulously]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Mmm... [smacks lips] Well...Well, I did not realize you want-, you wanted me to...cute it up a little, cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want, I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute, that cute, that, uh— that...whole transformation thing was appropriate.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, not shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the Sonichu...comic. But, I mean, you, you shot him.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well...it's not officially published yet. I mean, I only, I mean, I can, I can change that page. I can change that. I can fix that. [long pause] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe, yeah, may—, yeah, I can make it less viol—, violent. Okay?

[pause]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, yeah, but, yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But you already did it. The images are already in my head!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for...I did not mean for it to—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're, you’re calling...Chris crazy, but that's insane. I mean...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: ...it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to shoot him.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I...Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I mean, I don't feel comfortable with people like that. I mean, I'm going to school to save lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, hell no! That’s crazy!

[long pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well...Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [growing hysterical] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in pain, and you're just watching him bleed, and then you leave him! Like, uh, like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Okay...and be what? Be like, "I shot him"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after you then. And, and then, there would be none of either of you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright. You’re right. You’re right.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I mean, and especially, where you shot him, like in the legs? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!

[long pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright, well... Like I said, I can, I can, I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can, I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It, It's, I have no words to describe it. I mean...[exhales angrily] like...th—, you did this...after the thing with my father, and he told my brother about it, and my sister about it. Like, my whole family is against you. They think you're crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody sees this? They're gonna think you're insane!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well...nobody has, nobody else has to see it.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But what happens if they did? I don't get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well...my, in my defense, uh...he was crazy, too.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But he didn't shoot you!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Alright.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I mean, he's not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I totally believe him. I mean, he can't fake that. And, I mean, I can't believe you did that. And, I mean—

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: And I was starting to believe in you again, even though...you do all these things, like, you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I totally know about the whole McDonald's thing. So—

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: —I mean—

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: —see, I, I, I...Okay. Well, I have d—, I have done some room cleaning. I mean, I, I—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You were supposed to have it done, like, a month ago! And you still can't jog, or work out, or whatever...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. I, I, I am! I have been jogging. I have been working out. I have been doing all that.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Five miles a day?

[long pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have.

[pause]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You, you've been jogging five miles a day? Seriously...you're lying to me. I need proof for this. [pause] I mean...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: ...I bet you don't have the gym membership or anything.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, not yet on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou—, um, I’m jogging around the neighborhood.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, but I doubt it's for five miles. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: It’s like...Okay...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You complained...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...it’s like, over...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: ...to my father about pulling weeds. I doubt...you're gonna do five miles.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can do five miles, Kacey.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Okay—

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can jog five miles.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Have you, have you, did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I jog—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: ...doing it every day, so obviously, you did it today?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...once around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to five miles. I can do that.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, you said you j—, you just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me already? To my face?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a miscommunication...alright?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, you said "yes". I said "Do you jog five miles every day?", and you said "yes". That's not miscommunication; that's lies.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah. Okay, well, I mis—, I misunderstood the question. I thought you said—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [speaking rapidly] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Bullshit! Kim and I talked about how much you "jog". I know you don't jog.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, I do.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your heart rate up.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, I can.

[pause]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, you can't.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And I do.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you, you show a comic with you shooting people! And, and, and, and...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Alright. Well, yeah, I, okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: For what? The comic? Jogging? It, it's too late. You, I mean, it's done.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, we're, well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You’re right...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Besides— And I found out that you didn't even make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's so disrespectful.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I, uh, before I, I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a dude.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Doesn't matter. No wonder you said it was so easy, ’cause you already had it done!

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But, but, but still, the, but still...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: That's not the point!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...I created the whole new level of—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...bitching at you.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I did...[stutters unintelligibly] I did the comic! I did.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, eventually...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I had, I had it started, and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I, I, I sent it to you.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But you even put in the video that you were doing this in—, instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well... Okay, well, ba—[stress sighs] Well, I m—, I misworded that. I meant, I m—, I meant to say "in addition to the comic." Okay?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No...I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [starts 'tarding out] NO, I WAS, NO, I WAS, NO, I HAD, I HAD IT...[calms back down] already. I had it started, after I had, I had started. I started on it after I did the level. And then, I, and I had it almost done. I just, just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you dare fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a job. You don't do anything.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I...[stress sighs] I am doing something; I am working—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Like what?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am working on—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: What do you—

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have done—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to work like I do.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But I am working on getting—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You obviously don't go out with friends like I do!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm filling out the onli—, I'm filling out the applications, so I can work. So, I'm working on getting a job!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.

[pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Actually, for me, it, actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.

[pause]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any work history. It takes, like, five minutes when you don't.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, actually, I do have the work history. And I listed it in my resume.

[pause]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: There's more. I mean, y’know, c’mon. there's more to it than...that. There's the, uh...time at Wendy’s. And then, I worked at—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You got fired. That's not good either.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And definitely, and definitely did the volunteer work at the, for the Pokémon Trading Card Game League.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: That’s not volunteer work! That does not count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: It was volunteer work.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: That does not count as volunteer work. I promise you that if you needed volunteer work for something, that would not count; that is not community service. I mean, you were already there to play Pokémon? That’s not community service; that's babysitting.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, well...Yes, okay, well, that was babysitting, but it was volunteer babysitting.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [nearly laughing in disbelief] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like candy striping, helping out with the humane society, going and reading to people in old folks’ homes, planting some trees! Uh, uh, um... Humanity— Uh, the— Habitat for Humanity! That's community service: things that actually contribute to society. Pokémon does not contribute to society. [long pause] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Don't say that. Don't say that, that just makes me, that just makes me feel bad. I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just, you don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [whining] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Those weren't even REAL TEARS.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: THEY WERE REAL.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Those were real tears.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, no, no, that's not it.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad... That creeped my dad out! And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him! What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I think about, like, how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: A friend? Chris...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And how you care about me.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I care about you very much.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: How? Not how big.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I worry about you—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: In my defense—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if you pissed me off...if I pissed you off! Come on!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I would not shoot you.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I do not even have a real gun.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I...When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.

[dramatic pause]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Because I'm not...Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: So you lie? Because that's gonna be good. Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I'm most of...I mean, most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a "little lie". You lie all the time! That's pathetic!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I do not lie all the time, I lie some of the time.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: And I mean you, like, come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance! First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me! I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat, and on the other hand, you're like staring at me the whole time!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I was looking at your face. I stare at your face.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: My face is not down there, I'm not that short.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, I— [Liquid interrupts]

Liquid: Hey, baby, I'm home.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I was looking at your face...

Liquid: Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hello?

Liquid: Hmm...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Hello? Yeah—

Liquid: Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, it is.

Liquid: Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.

Liquid: No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.

Liquid: You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [angry sigh] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson."

Liquid: Shut your stupid, shut your mouth! You are, you are, you are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! Kacey! You saw my, you saw my driver's license!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?

Liquid: Yeah!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Now wait a minute, Kacey!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Don't you raise your voice at me!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!

Liquid: No you didn't, because your—, yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: NO!!! NO!!!

Liquid: Yes, it is!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am the real deal! I can...

Liquid: Shut up!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have all the proof and everything! You're just, you're the copycat!

Liquid: No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my, my moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!

Liquid: No, you can't even...No...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're friends again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!

Liquid: Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris:

Liquid: Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less, I weigh a lot less than that, you, you

Liquid: Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Like you would know...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am so sick of you putting me down and, and calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: What the hell have you got, have you had against me that...What the hell have you had against me that was like, that came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!

Liquid: No, you don't. I have the copyright, I have the copyright and you do not.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh, yes, oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this, all this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have, why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?

Liquid: Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris:

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!

Liquid: Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my, my, has been my God-given name my entire life!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...

Liquid: No it's, it's not! [unintelligible]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...

Liquid: No!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.

Liquid: That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine, Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the walls of Manchester High School.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: That's why he showed it first, to prove it...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You've never been to Manchester High School!

Liquid: Yeah, I have! I went there for four, for four damn years!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You, but you, you stand right next...I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the, was the, one of the teachers over at Manchester High School...

Liquid: I am the real and true...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say I am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that you are the fake!

Liquid: That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That, this, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh, pause] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get, but he, he just came in and...came against me...

Liquid: Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my, pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to, relationship between me and Kacey.

Liquid: Yeah, well, yeah, no, you would not even, you wouldn't have access to her if it, if it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris:

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: God! How naïve! What relationship?

Liquid: This is not even true, it has, not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me, of you calling me all that, when you know, and I know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?

Liquid: No! No!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [massive sigh]

Liquid: You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, uh, okay, well, I'm sorry...

Liquid: You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: MY NAME, MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!

Liquid: No, I already know, I have found out who you are.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am so sick of that word!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: It's just a word. It's just a word!

Liquid: You are na—, you are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [drowning out Liquid] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just, just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go, look it up...

Liquid: You are just copying my address...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?

Liquid: You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: In fact, you'll just shoot him!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: If I knew where, if I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, right.

Liquid: Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the, you are not Christian Weston, you are not me! You are not...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Stop being crazy!

Liquid: Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you are not!

Liquid: And, not only that...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.

Liquid: I will.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...

Liquid: I'm sure they will be happy to...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!

Liquid: I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to, you're trying to get off on my...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I do have the papers! My family has the papers!

Liquid: No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [angry sigh] Look. Christian.

Liquid: Yeah?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Christian. I invite you to come, I invite you to...write this down. 14 Branchland Court-

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?

Liquid: That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, that is, that is my address. You, you, you have never even been...

Liquid: No, you're just...you already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?

Liquid: I am there right now!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!

Liquid: [Chants the last digits of the zip code with him] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You are not, you are, you are not in that address!

Liquid: Yes, I am!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!

Liquid: Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Kacey, Kacey...

Liquid: I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: What?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and now you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.

Liquid: Yeah, yeah...No, you listen, you listen, you listen, hey, you listen to me!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where he lives, not me.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Right.

Liquid: Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am, I am telling you, this, this accusation of, of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that. It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I, it just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to...I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.

Liquid: It is! Yes, it is!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: It is not!

Liquid: It is!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Kacey...

Liquid: Yeah, and she has been to my house...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Kacey, if you have...

Liquid: ...and we were making passionate love to each other!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: But it is not 14 Branchland Court.

Liquid: Yes, it is! And that is where, exactly where we were making passionate love.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you, you, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Ah, Jesus, Kacey...Yeah, okay...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: This is why Chris is here and you're not.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, Kacey, please...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: This is why my family loves him and not you.

Liquid: [First part of sentence is drowned out]...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, Kacey...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, Kacey, you know it, you know it, you know that I'm true, please, believe— Please, Kacey, don't do, don't do this...

Liquid: No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.

Liquid: And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy, okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.

Liquid: Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are, you have always just been this naïve, because that's all, that's all you've ever been, just a...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [Drowns out Liquid] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh] Okay, well...

Liquid: Just shut up.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.

Liquid: Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, okay, okay, well, you can have, okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...

Liquid: Okay, yeah, shut up! Yeah!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: ...but you, but you, but I say, you know, but you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler, I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!

Liquid: [Much of his statement is drowned out.]...original copyright on the Sonichu!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you do not!

Liquid: It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, you, no, you are not! You are not! I am, I am. You are not! I am!

Liquid: You are not, you're just a nobody!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You're, you're just a, you're, no, you're the, no, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!

Liquid: Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [about to cry] I am so sick of this! [sigh]

Liquid: Shut up.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh]

Liquid: Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!

Liquid: No, you are!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

Liquid: I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: He has a job, he does things!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not, you know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...

Liquid: Yes, I am! I am!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.

Liquid: I draw, I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: He, he, but he does not have the same drawing style I's drew, I do, I showed you my, it was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [Chris drowns out part of her reply.] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [sigh] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh]

Liquid: It has always been my original hand drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: You have never been to Manchester High School.

Liquid: Yes, I have!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Because he has...

Liquid: Graduated class of 2000!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: He's only prete—, he's only pretending that, he's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, I, no, I do care about you, Kacey!

Liquid: No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [loud, angry sigh] No, I...

Liquid: Shut up.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!

Liquid: Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I have not been lying to anybody! I have been honest and true! [Chris begins breaking down in tears]

Liquid: You have not!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [stress sigh] Oh, hang on a second, guys...

Liquid: You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [He's talking to his parents.] The one in the brown stripes, who's taken Kacey?

<font color="#7D26CD">Barbara: Well, good...

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that, God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [Talking to Kacey and Liquid again] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [Back to his parents] Please, help me out here.

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: What the...Well, what's going on? You there?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [pause] Hello?

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: Hello?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Who is this?

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: Hello?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Hello?

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: Who is this?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Kacey.

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: This is Rob...[Static cuts him off] She ain't saying anything, Christian.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Hello?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Kacey, please, just, just lis—, just, that's my father, Robert Chandler...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Yes, he can hear you.

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: No, I can hear her...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, he keeps saying hello.

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: What? What do you want?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the, tell that Chris off!

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: She don't want anything, talk!

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Kacey, please talk...[He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara and Bob in the background.]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I'm sorry, I'm really confused. [stammers in disbelief] Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.

<font color="#7D26CD">Barbara: Hold a minute there; you don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: [unintelligible] ...don't answer the phone!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I was, I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!

<font color="#7D26CD">Barbara: I don't care where they are, they're, they might be lying to you!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: He's still pretending to be me, with this address!

<font color="#7D26CD">Barbara: Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! I ain't gonna put up with your upset!

<font color="#00AF33">Bob: Tell 'em to go to bed!

<font color="#7D26CD">Barbara: Don't ever answer the phone when they call!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh]

<font color="#7D26CD">Barbara: That's your fault! [she and Bob presumably leave]

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [sigh]

Liquid: Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.

Liquid: Yeah, you're just, yeah, I knew you would this entire time.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...

Liquid: No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me, are you with me or are you with him?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: You, a-at least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!

Liquid: Yeah, of course.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.

Liquid: Are you with me, baby? Are you with me, are we gonna get married?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: Oh, shut up, Chris...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah. Let's go get married, 'cause I can't deal with this.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!

Liquid: Yeah, well, you are always the...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: He's prete—, he's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...

Liquid: You, you are just a less-worthy version of me!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I sh—, I sh—, I showed you the certificate and the diploma!

Liquid: Yeah, they're fake.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: And the degree, Kacey!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I am not the liar!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I just don't, I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...

Liquid: Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it. Don't worry, I get it.

Liquid: Are you officially breaking up with him?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, Kacey. You are important!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: I was trying to pro—, I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!

Liquid: Make it official, Kacey!

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "Talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to...That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.

Liquid: Are you officially broken up...?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [sigh] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [sigh] Look, Christian Weston...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, you told them to talk to me! You're 27, why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.

Liquid: You gotta, you gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?

<font color="#0033FF">Chris: [heavy sigh] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for you, Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [Hangs up]

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Oh, fuck you.

Liquid: Baby...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: [she and Liquid break character] That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe...Oh my god, Barb called me a bitch! Oh, oh my god! [laughs] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.

Liquid: Uh, yeah, I know, right? [unintelligible] That was great.

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: OH...MY...GOD...That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barb and Bob.

Liquid: I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: No, Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barb that said, "Just hang up on the bitch!"

Liquid: Yup... Yup... Yup...

<font color="#FF0066">Kacey: Okay, so back to Mumble! [giggles]

Liquid: Alright.

[tape runs out]