Talk:The Hook Cafe

Hi guys, I think this might be a fake account: http://twitter.com/search?q=-RT%20sonichu+-sonichu1%20-wildsonichu1%20-MaryLeeWalsh1%20-Sandy_Rosechu%20-WildSonichu1#search?q=-RT%20sonichu%20-sonichu1%20-wildsonichu1%20-MaryLeeWalsh1%20-Sandy_Rosechu%20-WildSonichu1 Godz1lla 18:27, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Twitter link is broke. Can you fix it? SniperFire16
 * This should work: http://twitter.com/#search?q=crescentskunk I'm not sure about this any more though, the account seems to be different now that I've seen crescentskunk's preview, I might have just jumped the gun a bit.Godz1lla 08:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

I'll set to putting together a summary of this, I guess. Dkaien 22:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll check the link later, but thank much for posting a fresh one.--SniperFire16 00:30, 8 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The current format sucks (no offense). We need to mirror the content - the last Hook Cafe ad Chris had is forever lost in time, so now we need to mirror this for when this inevitably gets hacked. --Champthom 22:52, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * So you want it all replicated word-for-word? Easily done. Dkaien 22:55, 5 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Chris's favorite radio station: http://www.z95.net/ --Anaconda 23:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * And it's...yep, home to the John Tesh show. Weird. So far as I can tell this is like a station for 35-year-old women. Dkaien 23:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I think the numerous John Tesh references (at least the times he's popped up in the background of calls) might warrant an article for the guy.--Champthom 23:17, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I was about to say the exact same thing. Especially since he probably provided the germ for Chris's fixation on the three-date rule. Dkaien 23:18, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh god.... Anyway he's aiming a little high isn't he? Dkd 23:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Only if you mean him not accepting anyone: over age 28, overweight, mature, or of any ethnicity other than white. --Caboose -1 23:41, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I just noticed the "blacks need not apply part
 * Well of course. Don't you know that being racist towards black people is personal trait that women find attractive? :P This is classic Chris- doing at least one major thing that causes him to fail without him realizing it. --Spoonman 01:48, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Dkd 23:45, 5 April 2010 (UTC)
 * "People say my face is my best feature." I don't know what to think. Either Chris isn't aware that acne isn't attractive, or he thinks people won't notice. So yeah, Chris is aiming a little high.
 * Well, his face kind of is his best feature, his other features are, in fact, that bad. --DStecks 21:29, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Well... at least he's saying 21 instead of 18. That's almost like progress.  Almost.--Beat 23:48, 5 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I have to wonder if he found out about the "half your age plus seven" rule that people sometimes use to figure an appropriate age to date. Knowing Chris's tendency to take such things as written in stone rules... so yeah. Magic8Ball 00:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * As long as It keeps him from hitting on High School girls, I'm okay with it. The facebook messages he sent to that one 17 year old still make me shudder.--Beat 02:54, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Welp, the little voice in my head told me to sign up in order to troll Chris, so I went for it...unfortunately, I need to have credits in order to establish communication. Should I abort and let a for real person do it instead? SniperFire16
 * How much is it gonna set you back?--Beat 03:10, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Considering that a ninety day pass is $40.00USD, and I believe I have seventy bucks in my checking account, I think I should abort. Any thoughts? --SniperFire16 00:30, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I created a fake account, paid for it, uploaded some bullshit and flirted with Chris. I also sent him an e-mail saying I'd upload a picture and my 'digits' as soon as I got home from school. No replies yet, but without a picture I probably won't get far. Unfortunately, I am stuck in Sydney airport with only an iPhone for Internet so I can't upload one right away. I will attempt to find a net cafe or something- this opportunity is too good to pass up. Ronichu 03:40, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Damn it guys,  stop trying to be the next bluespike, what is needed is a field agent to go on a date with Chris, and try to get even more info, who knows, it might be the return of the man in the pickle suit.Basgon 04:39, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I haven't seen anything that brings up bluespike-like trolling. If anything this'll could turn into another Kacey or, if we use a field agent, another Emily.  Do we have any willing field agents we could call upon? --Caboose -1 04:55, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm not trying to be anyone. I wanted to rattle some cages. I guess I should abort my mission, huh?--SniperFire16 00:30, 8 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I live in Australia and I have a pickle, or I totally would. This is the best I can do. Ronichu 04:50, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't suppose this fake account is "luv2jax", the girl who wants a 26-30 year old, hates smoking, and can't seem to get enough shopping or sex? The same girl who thinks "a monkey on roller skates" would be hilarious?  She seems to be designed for Chris.  Regardless, please nobody interfere if it looks like he gets a genuine response.  I think that would have a lot more comedic potential.  His profile is close enough to non-retarded that it just might get the attention of a racist woman with very low standards.  There's got to be one at least one of those in Virginia.  --Homeless prophet 22:15, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Er, forget that guess. I filtered for ages 21-28 and didn't see the obvious one. --Homeless prophet 03:14, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I had exactly the same thought as you. I honestly think he'll be more attracted to the other 'chick' that I'm a little disheartened, but 'eh. I am convinced the other is a fake too, so much so that I sent her a message along the lines of 'ohai so i herd you zap to the extreme?'. No reply yet, but if I was that person I'd be reluctant to blow my cover after that much work. The eventual plan with this persona is to reveal she's actually 12 years old to see how Chris responds to loli. Ronichu 04:26, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * For what it's worth, "luv2jax" is the screenname of a user on Xtube. Don't know if it's a coincidence or not. However, I think I saw her picture at /cwc/ so I think it's probably a troll too.

I too tried to troll chris but I underestimated his autism. I had a backup plan, though. We might see a surprise this saturday at chris' house. --One With The Lulz 02:25, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Did you get a reply at all? All I got was deafening silence, followed by a ban (despite five emails and a flirt). Any idea what might of happened, and did your account get banned too? Ronichu 03:56, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

So should we do this for his other dating profiles too?
I mean, I'm looking at his OkCupid Profile right now. I'm pretty sure it's several years old, but even back then he still checked himself off as looking for casual sex.

Not that he'll ever get any.--Beat 03:15, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Now that I think about it, probably the best way to do it would be to have one page titled "Dating sites" where we mirror his various awful dating profiles of fail.--Beat 03:17, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * No, I think each individual one should. Redundant but these are primary sources and it's easier to cite an individual profile. --Champthom 04:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

I once listed a number under Dating. --Delabonte 05:05, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Religion: None
That's unusual. I've said that Chris isn't a "Christian" in any real way before, but I know he self-identifies as one pretty strongly. It's really weird for him to list himself as "None, Christian". I guess it's possible he finally realized that openly Christian women typically aren't seeking casual sex, so this way he shows up on searches for people without religion, but its' still not very Chris-like at all.--Beat 04:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

•I noticed that as well. I didn't have any clue why he would do such a thing given his strong Christian identity, but the idea that he wants to show up on the searches of Godless Heathen Babes looking for sexy sweets rings true to me. The Fuck Quest overrides all other concerns, after all. Ronichu 04:07, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * There are 3 possible explanations. 1) He's a dumbass 2) He  i s tired of being called upon, every time he does something that goes against the bible, so he now has an excuse of " nah i don't follow the bible directly" and still say " the homos are going to hell because the bible says so". 3)He doesn't want to be  with a woman that's too much into religion anymore, to not get the "abstinence"  excuse to not have hankey pankey. Either way, it's because Chris  had enough of religion for a while, since it's not helping him right now.Basgon 04:26, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * There's no way of knowing until Chris explains it himself, and the best way to do that is to put a huge ad on the CWCipedia accusing Chris of abandoning God and selling his soul to the devil.--MoarLurk 04:45, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * When you fill out the profile, there's a drop-down menu of various religion choices, plus an open field to fill in whatever you want if your choice isn't in the menu. Chris picked "None" from the drop-down menu because Methodist isn't one of the options offered, then typed Christian/Methodist in the open field. If he'd left the drop-down alone, it probably wouldn't have displayed anything. So he hasn't abandoned his faith or anything, he just fucked up filling out a web form. Dkaien 04:47, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Diaken's explination makes the most sense. Which is kind of a shame because it's also the most boring.  I don't think my initial "wants to show up on searches for atheist" guess is too far off though.--Beat 04:55, 6 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Chris hardly even knows what Atheism is, and from what we gather he has as much of an irrational hatred of Atheists as he does with Homosexuals and the like. --Thorgnzorrg 19:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh it's elementary, Watson. He's of no religion now (fuck abstinency!), but he's still Christian... Weston Chandler! --Sonijew is back 15:10, 7 April 2010 (UTC)


 * YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! --DStecks 21:31, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Earlier ad
Oldfags may recall Chris had an add through here before, which may have been documented somewhere on the ED page if you dig. I doubt anyone archived it though, and I do recall it was legit though it was eventually hacked to make it seem like Chris was gay and how his favorite food was pickles, etc. This should be referenced somewhere though. --Champthom 07:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, here's where the ad used to be: http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A239898 Dkaien 16:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Gone?
As of a few minutes ago both Chris' and Sandy's pages appear to be gone. I'm gunna make a guess here and say that Chris finally fucking checked his email and made the connection between the 12 year old girl calling him and the adults only ad with an 18 year old in it. I would guess that Snorlax flew into a rage and got him to take down the page, while reporting Sandy's. That or I'm retarded and they're still up. I'm at work so I only have my iPhone ATM, can anyone confirm? Ronichu 02:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Well the links at the bottom of the page don't work. That's as good an indicator as any.--Beat 02:25, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, it's gone. --One With The Lulz 02:32, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Any word on whether the deletion was done by Chris himself or the site mods? Hurrrr2 10:28, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I think it could be the mods, my theory is that it has to do with the no blacks thing.--UJ1A1985 22:26, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I'd say that makes sense; I'm sure they don't tolerate blatant racism. Things is, that wouldn't cause Sandy's profile to be yanked down as well.--Homeless prophet 00:10, 10 April 2010 (UTC)
 * My emails to the admins have, thus far, gone unanswered. Since I did pay for the account I reckon there's some wiggle room, but it's also likely they just go 'Terms of Service violation, someone told us you are 12.' Of course, without Chris there there's no point anymore, but hey. It does give me something I can say to Chris- look, I'm not a troll, see? Ronichu 00:21, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Page name
As the site itself spells it "The HooK Café", I think the page name should also be changed. Eamoo 11:59, 28 February 2011 (PST)