ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004

ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 is a 13-minute video filmed by Chris on 25 December 2004. The first part was leaked on the CWCki Forums on 21 December 2014 and the second on 24 December 2014. In the first part, Chris shows off his presents and 14 Branchland Court while the second part features Chris (then age 22) opening some presents with Bob (77) and Barb (63). One of the most infamous parts of the video features Bob reading a card from Chris which is all about the Love Quest and not the holiday. Also noteworthy is Bob and Barb's demeanor – they sound outright depressed here, almost as if it dawned on them that this is how their adult son is behaving, and will continue to behave for the rest of his life. Even sadder is that this is also one of the only documented times that Bob, Barb, and Chris have had a recording of themselves in the same frame.

Chris's choice of gifts is particularly unusual – Chris takes great pride in presenting his mother with the iconic snowglobe of fail and a Hamtaro toy (the toy is broken, as it was apparently the last one in the store). For his father, Chris offers a "choice" between Fraggle Rock on VHS, or Fraggle Rock on DVD. Why Chris believes that a 77-year-old world music collector would be particularly interested in a live-action puppet show aimed at children is not made clear. Note that Bob's "choice" here means very little – Bob decides on the DVD, but ultimately accepts the VHS after some pressure from Chris, suggesting that Chris intends to keep the DVD version for himself.

This video, like ChrisAfterChristmas2004, is actually from the Director's Cut version of the "Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)" DVD. It is also one of the rare glimpses we've seen of the Chandler living room in its less cluttered state.

Transcript
--Scene 1-- ''(A TV in the background can be heard playing A Christmas Story.) Chris: 'Twas Christmas Day, and all through the house, the creatures that were stirring were my family, and me, and our two cats. (camera pans around the junk in Chris's room) We enter Christmas Day in my bedroom of wonderous... fun. 'Cause we have plenty of stuff around the house. On this day of... Hwey-zeus's birth, upon the, uh, arrival of my doorstep, we find... a Snoopy house. (camera zooms in on a toy Snoopy doghouse sitting on Chris' bed, which plays "Jingle Bells" when Chris activates it. The music plays throughout the rest of the scene) There we go. (camera pans across the bed to a SpongeBob SquarePants action figure) SpongeBob SquarePants! (Chris poorly imitates SpongeBob's laugh) And a tower of gifts. (camera pans to a copy of "Sonic Advance 3") And a Game Boy Advance title. The camera turns around as if to leave.

--Scene 2-- ''We enter another room, with the camera focused on the Chandlers' Christmas tree. The doghouse is playing short snippets of assorted Christmas music throughout the scene.'' Chris: And we wander upon our wondrous Christmas tree, with a star that was made so delicately. Delicately... and creatively. (the camera zooms in on the tree's star, which is a rainbow-colored paper cutout, with Sonichu and Chris drawn on it) With Pokemon hanging about. (pan to a small wrapped present hanging in the tree) And a Christmas present that was supposed to be for the girlfriend that Santa brought, but unfortunately... she didn't show. Well, upon this wonderal Christmas Day, we see our two cute cats. (Chris walks over past the fridge to where a cat is lying on the floor) Hey, Desi. Desi! Eeeyeah. our cat's Desi. (Chris starts to leave) And Lucy's around somewhere.

--Scene 3-- ''Christmas music plays on the hi-fi in this scene. Chris walks into the cluttered kitchen where Bob is preparing his breakfast.'' Chris: And now we wander in on my family! Say hello, Father! Bob: (continuing to unwrap his food) Uh, yeah. Chris: Makin' my Christmas movie! Bob: I say you're wasting your chip. Chris: But I'm going to put it onto VHS anyway. Bob: I see. All right. (Chris forges onward past Bob, through the proto-hoard, to focus the camera on a smaller electric Christmas tree.) Chris: A smaller Christmas tree down here. (The camera pans left into a dark, Stygian abyss) And our mother's asleep here in the dark area. (Chris turns back to his father) Would you care to share a Merry Christmas with the world, Father? Bob: (still preparing his breakfast) Ho ho ho. I gotta share some breakfast. Chris: Yup! You're having a great start. Bob: (finished unwrapping his French toast and now rummaging around for some plastic utensils) Yup, found one.

--Scene 4-- ''Chris is in the stairwell of 14BC, which is separated by a curtain from the rest of the house. He climbs the stairs while pointing the camera back down the way he came, then turns and focuses on his other cat.'' Chris: As we venture our way back upstairs to our room for breakfast and mirth, we find our other sweet cat, little miss Lucy. Hello sweetheart! Would you care to meow for your worldwide audience? (Lucy studiously ignores Chris) Come on, sweet kitty! Meow! Meeeow! What, are you camera-shy? 'Cause you look good on video. (Lucy continues ignoring Chris and grooms herself) Haha! You're such a sweet kitty.

--Scene 5-- ''Chris is back in the same room as scene 3. Barb has emerged from the unfathomable darkness and installed herself on the orange couch at the back of the room.'' Chris: Now the family is up and about! Especially my mother! (Chris walks up to Barb's couch) Hello, Mother! Would you care to say something to the entire world? Barb: Merry Christmas. Chris: Yup! (pans up to the window, where one of the cats is sitting) This is Lucy in the window! I got you earlier, Lucy, but now you're sitting majestically on your windowsale! ... Hey Dad, look what I got! (The camera turns to Bob, who is now sitting down in a chair) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: What's that? (Chris waves the Snoopy toy from Scene 1 at him) Looks like Snoopy. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (fumbling with the toy) Yeah. Here, let's- here, watch this, Father. (Chris activates the toy and it plays "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town") It pops its head out... plays music. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I see. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Givin' you a little kiss. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Yeah.

Transcript
''The scene is the upstairs kitchen in 14BC. Chris and Barb are sitting close together at a little table with its own miniature tree, while Bob sits in his own chair on the other side of the tree.'' <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah OK yeah, it's recording. So, here we are around the Christmas tree! We're going to open presents! <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (utterly deadpan) Hooray hooray. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: OK well first off I have a card for my family. Here, Father, you ope- you read the card. (hands Bob the card) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (accepting the card) I see. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Why don't you open some of your gifts, Christian? <font color="#0000FF">Chris: I'll wait... I'll wait. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: You- <font color="#0000FF">Chris: It's OK, I'll wait. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: It'll take a long time. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Nah, it won't take that long. (Bob has meanwhile finished opening the envelope and removing the card) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Am I supposed to read it? <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yes, read it. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Am I supposed to read it out loud? <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah. Read- read- read it to Mom. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (reading) "I want to thank you all for your support and love throughout my fantastic, uh...love quest." Phooey. "And...if Santa doesn't bring me... one..." No Chris, no comment(??). [pause, exasperated sigh] "...like I asked him, then I'm going to need some support finding a boyfriend-free..." [laughs] It'll come, Christian, "hope you all... like my... presents." <font color="#FF0000">Barb: OK. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (continuing reading) "Today I'm thinking of Christmas and remembering you all. Merry Christmas, Christian C." <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yup! All right, Father, first I'll give you presents, well first you've got to choose, uh, they both have the same content (Bob leans forward and tosses the card onto the table), since you choose whether you want it on DVD or VHS. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I see. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: They have everything the same thing except the VHS is recorded off of the DVD. So... which one you want, VHS or DVD? <font color="#00CC00">Bob: No, no, I'll take DVD, I don't like VHS much. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Really? <font color="#00CC00">Bob: DV- I mean VHS. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: So you want the VHS? <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Yeah. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Here you go. (hands Bob a gift-wrapped VHS tape) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I'm not much for... that other... DVD. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Why do you have it on both? (?) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: I gave him a choice, remember? You remember he originally wanted DVD? ...It's Fraggle Rock, Father, that's what's on there. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I see. (Bob starts halfheartedly trying to unwrap the VHS) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Everything that's on the DVD is on that VHS. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: VHS works better in my system. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah. (putting the DVD copy aside) Here, I'll just add that to my collection later. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I cain't get it open. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: That's alright. ... We're fine. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (reaching down and picking up a present which he hands to Barb) Here Mom, I picked this out for you. *sigh* I'll just get this one that's, uh, in the bag here. (Chris rummages around under the tree and comes up with a plastic shopping bag) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: You used up all the tape. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Not *all* the tape, Father. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: 'Most all of it. (Chris pulls out a Lego set from the bag and sets it on the table right in front of Barb) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Snowboarding stuff! <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Let's put it on the floor. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yup. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (turning over the VHS in his hands) It's got all the Fraggles, huh? <font color="#FF0000">Barb: You can open another one. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: I'll wait. (Bob puts the wrapping material on the table with a stress sigh) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I like the Fraggles. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Maybe I'll do this one. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Fraggles are cute. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yes, they ARE cute. Anyway, your item is- your thing is in the box, Mom. I fit it in the box with some cardstock paper. But it just (slides?) apart. (Chris puts some dilapidated miscellaneous packaging on the table and hands Barb a plush doll) (in a revolting baby-talk voice) Have you- I got you Hamtaro. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Oh... that's cute. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Thank you. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Who is he? <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (still baby-talking) It's a Hamtaro. He's a widdle hamstuh. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I see. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (dialing the revoltingness up to 11 on his baby talk) He's a widdle itty bitty hamstuh! <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (opening another present) This would be no good no more anyway. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: (???) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Oh, that's my present for Sarah. I, 'cause, you know, she- she might come over. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Don't know if she will or not. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Well she did last year, remember? (Barb gathers up the used wrapping paper and clears it away – presumably depositing the sediments directly into one of the lower strata of the hoard. There are a few seconds' silence.) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (reading label) "Fraggle Rock". <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (perhaps referring to Sarah's present?) Britney Spears! <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Good old Fraggle people. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (rummaging around under the tree) This one. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (putting the bootleg Fraggles VHS on the table) There we go. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Here you go, Father, Fraggles on VHS. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: You can keep Fraggle Rock... in your DVD player. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (opening a present) Oh, you found it, Mom. It's great. Thank you! <font color="#FF0000">Barb: You're welcome. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Mmmm. (Chris throws an arm over Barb's shoulder in a hug, but accidentally drops something?) Here... whoops, I'm sorry. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Don't hurt my head. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: I'm sorry. Well, here, I got this for both of y'all. Here Mom, you open this one since Father opened the card. (Chris rummages around while Barb begins opening the present) I bought it over at Wal-Mart and then I, uh, assembled it. And by the way, the box in there is about the same deal as, uh, Hamtaro there. After you unwrap the present, and (???) the paper there... <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I don't know where my Christmas CDs are. We got a couple. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: You want music? Here you go! (Chris turns on the electronic tree's music, which plays assorted carols throughout the rest of the scene) I think you- I think you all will really like what I got here. Oh, yeah, I taped these two boxes together here... (Chris barges his hand right into whatever Barb is unwrapping, and Barb protests) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: I'm sorry. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: I've lost track of where all my music is. (Barb finishes unwrapping the present) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Snow globe! With me in it! <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Merry Christmas, Robert. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: It's also got- it's also got Sonichu in it, look. See? Me on one side, Sonichu on the other. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: That's true. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: I got it over at Wal-Mart. The snow globe. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: How about that. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: And you had your... picture. That's neat. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: No, no. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yup. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: (chuckling) Hope it's waterproof in there. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah. (picks up and shakes the snow globe to demonstrate) And it's got- the pho, photos are in a- are behind a plastic. I mean- (turns the snow globe upside-down and starts removing the bottom) <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Don't open it, don't open it. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: You see, the bottom is removable. See? <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Well... we know that. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: See? Look at that, see? There's a slide here. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Oh. So they're waterproof. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah, they're fine. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: That's a good idea. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah, I got that o- I got that snow globe over at Wal-Mart. ... All right, well let's see what's in this one. (starts opening a present) I picked that one out special for y'all, that card. Let's see what's in here! Look! It's an Autobot! <font color="#00CC00">Bob: An Autobot? <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yes. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Didn't know they were that fancy. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Well these guys are. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: The Transformer. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Boy, they sure got fancy over the years. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yup, they sure did. (Chris places the unwrapped Transformer on the table and rummages around under the tree again) And one last present! It's a big one. (unwraps) And then I got another Autobot and a Decepticon! <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Hooray. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Very good. Yay, Merry Christmas. (claps) <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yay, Merry Christmas to you all, I mean I got you all a snow globe <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Careful with that cord. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: (switching back to baby talk) I got you all a snow globe. And a video, and a little hamstuh. You like the hamstuh, Mommy? <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Yeah. I think it's broken. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Um, it-it c- it came that way. It was the last one they had. That's no problem, 'cause you know it can still stand. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Yeah. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: It's not like it's gonna leak. <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Yeah, okay. That's cool. Yeah, that's neat. Merry Christmas. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yup, Merry Christmas! <font color="#FF0000">Barb: Yeah, now we'll go back downstairs where it's warm. <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Have a snappy New Year. <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yeah, snappy New Year, huh? (heads over to camera) <font color="#00CC00">Bob: Not on the couch/count(??). <font color="#0000FF">Chris: Yep! (turns camera off)