Mailbag 39

Mailbag 39 was added to the CWCipedia on 12 January 2010. Chris started answering it on the same day as the fourth and final part of his Mailbag Marathon which started with Mailbag 36. He got halfway through before quitting in order to scream into his camera and (presumably) crash into slumber. He answered the rest on the 15th.

Chris's habit of deleting emails without saving backups hit a fever pitch in this one.

It should be noted that Chris replied to a question about whether he would have sex with a prostitute with "no comment." In one of the previous Mailbags, Chris stated that he wanted his first time to be True and Honest. It's odd that he didn't have a similar answer this time. This might have been the early signs of Chris eventually becoming desperate enough to lose his virginity to a whore.

Chris also seemed desperate to erase from reality the Family Guy storyline in which Meg gets a sex change.

Either God is a liar, or Chris is
From: wineman.the.actor@gmail.com

Hey Christian, I've been running a youth fan club up in a Montanan Methodist Church, but I was thinking of disbanding it. The other day we had a kid sent to time out because she called stupid. When asked why she said that, she said that god told Chris and Ivy that they were destined to be together, but then never met up in the comic, and then she died (in a very gross manner). then she said that God spent so much energy on that and not on turning Silvana to normal, which would've turned her good and probably spare a few lives. She then asked why God did that? She has a good point, Mr. Chandler. Why do you have God do such stupid things? And why did you have god bind the two together if Chris would later mary some woman named Lovely Weather and then cheat on her with Meg? And then, as a Christian man you shot a person and killed thousands by making a building crumble. Tomorrow we are having a vote in the next few days on what to do: A. We stay with your comic B. We abandon the fan club C. We begin following Asperchu. Some of us think he's original, some of us believe that he is a parody, but we all agree his comic is well written and focused more on a kind and Christian character. Do you have anything to say before we vote (my recommendation is you ignore Asperchu and focus on why you seem to make a mockery of god) Yours in God

Nick@undefined

In which Chris refers to a man buying his underage son a whore as "good news"
From: 

Chris,

Thanks for all of your great answers! I talked to my wife about it and let her know what you said. She still wasn't entirely happy about my son going to an escort service, but she agreed that it was time to let go. We are planning on taking Mike Junior to an escort service tomorrow! We found one that gives their women constant checkups and testing. They've e-mailed us with all of the records and they'll give my son a lineup of beauties to choose from!

My son is understandably nervous about his first time and he wanted to know if you had any tips for him. He wanted to know if you had any pickup lines that he could use. Any advice that you could give him would be much appreciated! I know he reads this, so I know he'd be thrilled if you could answer this.

Afterwards my wife and I were planning on having a small celebration about my son having his first time. It would just be an informal party with only his best friend and one or two other people. Do you think it would be appropriate to have this at our local O'Charley's or should we spring for someplace nicer? Where do you think we should take him? Would it be ok to have a cake telling him congratulations for his first time?

Thanks again,

Mike@undefined

In which Chris calls someone an arrogant idiot without irony
From: Jason Rothell  Dear Chris:

Why do you think it's terrible when someone uses Sonichu in their webcomic? Why are they horrible people? Did you not use Sonic and Pikachu's character before in the Sonichu comic? Also, isn't Simonla's development based on someone else's creation and you still use her in your webcomic even though the original artist has begged you not to? I don't understand how this makes you any different... please explain this to me and I will remain a TRUE, LOYAL and HONEST fan!

Jasonla@undefined

Parents of a celebrity
From: Anthony Thiest  Hey Chris, what's zappenin? I've been wondering, what do your parents think of Sonichu, the character and the comic? Do they read every issue you put out? I bet they brag to their friends about it, I know I would. What do they think about you achieving the internet fame that you have? Is it hard for them to live with a celebrity?

Keep zappin!

Anthony@undefined

The internet never forgets
From: It's 

At some point in your life, you were told to memorize a sequence of nine numbers. These numbers, much like the Sonichu Balls, unlock great opportunity in life -- as long as you remember what they are, of course. Your TRUE and LOYAL fanbase knows you have some trouble memorizing numbers, though. Why not put it on the internet? The internet never forgets anything. This might help you out later...

Gendo@undefined

Weed
From: Marice

Dear Chris,

First of all, me and my friends am a big fan of Sonichu (I am still waiting for the official merchandise).

But one thing bothers me. Why are anti drugs statements made in the comics? Im a Dutch fan, and am quite offended by this. We in the Netherlands smoke weed (and it is legal). Drugs help people relax (because most people have busy lives/careers). Also, we treat homosexuals like equals. and prostitution is legal. Which are both things you and Sonichu don't like.

The Dutch fans would love a rectification of the whole anti-drug-, homo and prostitution matter, with the message that "it is ok for Dutch people to be homo, do drugs, or visiting a prostitute, as it is within the scope of the Dutch law" on the cwcipedia. This would really encourage the Dutch (and any other progressive European countries for that matter) to keep reading the comics.

Greetings!

A Dutch Sonichu fan.

Picture of myself included, as a fan. For me, for you.@undefined

Sure, all you have to do is quit the internet forever
From: Shane Smith 

Chris-chan. Chris-chan.

This is the voice of your conscience baby...I just wanna check one thing out with you. You don't mind?

Chris-chan, honey, what's got into ya?@undefined

That's not what he's talking about
From: Sonny

Chris, I have a question. You claim to respect women, but why is all of the (highly inappropriate) nudity in the comic geared towards men? I know you don't want to turn women gay, y'know. So why haven't you put an equal portion of female-directed (highly inappropriate) nudity into the comic? Not that it matters to me, because Alec doesn't bother with that disgusting shit in the first place (not turned on by hedgehog sex at all) and it greatly improve the quality of his comic as opposed to yours.@undefined

Because guys should never have fun with other guys
From: John Simpkins  Hello from a faithful reader!

I was reading the latest issue of Sonichu to my son, (a practice fast becoming tradition in my family!), and we both ended up quite taken by your idea of Christian Love Day. It's values of unbridled platonic friendship have truly touched our souls, and needless to say my family will join in the celebration! We're basing our festivities around your favorite things, so we plan on spending the day watching Family Guy, drinking refreshing Pepsi and eating some fine.

I have also gone to the trouble of making a "friendship card", which will be passed around to my church group and my sons' preschool in order to spread the word - I just want to get your approval on the design first! I've attached it to this email - on the inside I plan on putting one of your many sage quotes along with a link to the cwcipedia.

Please let me know what you think!

God bless and have a nice day.@undefined

Whores whores whores
From: Molly Trasi 

Dear Chris,

Would you ever choose to have sex with a prostitute? If so, did you realize that it is illegal and you could end up in jail for a long time? Would you be uncomfortable knowing that she didn't really care about you at all and was just doing it for the money? Sincerely,

A worried fan@undefined

No, I'm pretty sure that's Sonichu
From: Mandy Higgins 

I'm a big fan of Sonichu and Asperchu. My favorite Asperchu comic is the one where he teams up with Sonichu. Will you be doing a Sonichu comic where Sonichu meets and teams up with Asperchu any time in the near future? That would be way past cool.@undefined

Improvisation
From: Jose Luis Castillo Del Real 

Hi Chris:

I love your sonichu comics, i was wondering how can you come up with new ideas for them always? it must be hard to find the inspiration for a new plot. I also want to start a comic someday, but i find difficult to develop a story.

anyways, keep it up with the amazing job! i'll be cheering you :D@undefined

Rosechu the transwoman
From: vhenderson@teachers.org

To Mr. Christian Weston Chandler,

Hello, Mr. Chandler. I am an English teacher at a small junior high school in Middle Tennessee, and I sponsor the school's chapter of the Gay/Straight Alliance. Over the winter break, I had a student make mention of your comic in an email as a topic for future discussion once class resumes. Upon review of your comic, I have found it to be most worthy of discussion. Your portrayal of transsexuals and hermaphrodites is very interesting. The character Rosechu, for instance, fascinates me. Despite the labeling of being a female Raichu, I have gleamed from my research that she was actually a male Raichu, based on the pointedness of her tail. Then s/he was struck by a rainbow, transforming him/her into a lovely feminine being. This metaphor delights me! It is a very sensitive and positive portrayal of the struggle that transpeople endure when trying to determine and claim their identity. It is wonderful that you have allowed this character to find love and acceptance with a man, which is so often difficult in the real world. I have students who know the pain of being born into the body, and I am sure this will hearten them greatly. In addition, the character Magi-chan warms my heart in his obvious attraction to the character Silvana, even though she possessed the "wrong" genitalia at the time. The fact that he could see past the outer shell and to the person within is very sweet.

I must say though, that I object to Rosechu's characterization. She is a very stereotypical portrait of a transwoman, obsessed with maintaining her femininity to the point of ridiculousness. It is a tired cliche and an insult to all woman that their lives revolve around solely around their family and their vanity. In the future, I would like to see Rosechu develop interests outside her home and maxing out her credit card and become a better role model for young people struggling with their identities.

With deepest respect,

Ms. Veronica Henderson@undefined

If he gave this response to every e-mail, he would actually be honest
From: coldpartjunior@yahoo.co.jp

Hi Chris I am a big fan from Japan & I was wondering if you could kill anyone in the world who would it be and why? You can pick more than one person.@undefined

To be continued
From: Christie Savarin 

Herro!

Dear Chris,

I read Sonichu for long long time,I have so many questions! so sorreh! 1)If you could change the law, how would you change it? and you said you would outlaw the friend zone? why? what happened to a woman's right to choose who she wants to be with? 2)Do you like everything you see, so long as it doesn't have gay stuff in it? 3)If you could upload your brain into a robot body, would you? 4)Why aren't you sure of the five worst games you've played? You can't have enjoyed every game you played. 5)If you went back to college, what would you major in? What classes would you take? 6)Why do you like the name "Reginald" so much? 7)Did you know that nearly all male porn actors start out making gay porn? What do you think of this? 8)Why did you get rid of asexuality in Sonichu 10? Hasn't it occurred to you that some people just don't like being in romantic relationships, and are much happier single? 9)In a recent chat, you said that if you had a chance, you would want to make being a homo illegal. Yet, in a video contemporary to the chat, you ask your fans not to leave you. How would you feel if all of your gay fans left you? 10)Have you ever considered getting your own apartment? What prevents you from doing so? 11)If there were no women, and men could reproduce sexually with other men, would homosexuality still be wrong? 12)Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? 13)You hate homos, but you also hate straight men for "taking all the pretty girls leaving none for you." Shouldn't you support homos, so that other men can date each other and free up girls for you? 14)Sex isn't that big of a deal. It's fun, but you don't have to have sex to be happy. Why are you so big about sex? 15)Would life be better if we reproduced nonsexually, and thus didn't have a sex drive? 16)Since you haven't been very specific about your taste in women, who are your favorite porn stars? 17)Do you have any friends in the Autistic community?

tanks 4 answerin!@undefined

On 15 January 2010, Chris lazily answered:

''Chris originally linked "FAQ Section" to his answered questions page. We have re purposed the link to go to our mirror of that page.''

Dude, chill
From:  Dear Chris,

In an earlier response to a fanmail, you mentioned you had a simularity to the character played by Dustin Hoffman in the film Rain Man. Would you kindly mind listing your facinating abilitys? My daughter is autistic and a very big fan of your work, she has a gift with law and agues extreemly well in her law class, but unfortunately her speech impediment prevents some from understanding her. She wanted to ask you herself, but she has trouble writing and could not without my help.

FONDest regards

Chang Yu@undefined

In which Chris fakes sorrow
From: flambai@hotmail.com

Dear CWC,

Well, you probably remember my 5 year old son, right?

The one who screamed and cried because his favourite characters weren't in the comic?

The one who NEARLY JUMPED IN FRONT OF A BUS BECAUSE OF IT?

Little Jimmy's basically catatonic now, he has to go to a therapist everyday and i don't know what to do

Dearly seeking your advice,

Sincerely

Sarah Lutt@undefined

In which Chris dives deep into denial
From: Uava 

So in a recent comic you met up with Meg from Family Guy and you clearly like her. However, according to Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, she gets a sex change later on and becomes a male named Ron. You could say that Stewie changing the future would have prevented but at the end she meets a guy named Ron and hints that she likes that name. Also, transsexuals can't be changed according to most psychologists and the only way to make them feel happy is to let them to transition to their true gender.

You are obviously not a homosexual, so I was wondering what you will do about this situation when it comes up.@undefined

CRASH INTO SLUMBER
''Chris resumed answering letters in the very early hours of 16 January 2010.

Chris plans for the future
From: Faye Dexter 

You've said before that the job you most see yourself in is an "Office Job". I was wondering what you meant by that. There are many types of office jobs and they can be very different. For example: secretary and CEO positions can both be considered office jobs but they are very different. Your job would also depend on what the company does. For example: A web design company and a law firm are both office oriented companies but a law firm needs lawyers and paralegals(basically lawyer assistants) and a web design company would need programmers and graphic designers.

Just curious what your goals are.@undefined

In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason
From: Tran

Chris, please explain why you think Asperchu is crap. Rules: 1. Do not use "It mocks me and my creation", as that is what a parody is supposed to do. I mean, Alec has said many times that he respects you, so it's really a benevolent(that means kindhearted, look it up) parody. 2. Do not just say "JUST LOOK AT IT" or "IT IS BAD". You need to tell us what you think of it and why. We are not mind-readers, we need details.@undefined

Shemales and man-tits
From: Desiree Flood 

Hey Chris, Laura here!

I've been reading a lot of your comic as well as the AWESOME spinoff, Asperchu. I don't know why people can't just read and LOVE both. Anyway, I have two questions.

1. It looks like you got "trolled" in your comic by Silvana! Did you have sex with her?! If so how did that even work? Did you put your penis in her butt? I know it LOOKED like meg, but she still had a penis!!! Would you ever have sex with a shemale?

2. You've also made mention of your breasts in your last video! I myself have had several kids and have found breast feeding to be an enlightening and emotional experience. When you have kids do you plan on breast feeding your kids?

Stay cool!

Laura@undefined Chris added the strikeouts because that's just what Chris does.

It's probably more like 12
From: Derp Hi Chris, let me first say I'm a huge fan of your comics and have been reading them for 3 years now.

I was wondering this: do you ever have any homosexual feelings toward your father? Because I think it would be a good addition to your comic. Maybe a four-way between you, your dad, Sonichu and Asperchu? I think that would be yum.

Oh, and how many Sonee have you fucked? I say 6, my friend says 9.@undefined

Mass murdering does not strike me as terribly kind
From: @thegame.com Hello Chris,

I am an ex-fan by the name of Arle Nadja. I became an ex-fan because recently, you showed signs of terrorism in your comic. When the 4-cent-garbage building fell, how many people died Chris? More than 100 people died Chris, and by your hands. Just because they trolled you it makes it ok to kill them? Well, bringing down a building for making fun of you doesn't make it less of a terrorism act. I remember about 15 years ago, I decided to bring down a building. It had 6 stories and at least 34 people died in the explosion and most, if not all, by my own bare hands. What I am trying to say is that your comic supports terrorism and it reminds me too much of my horrible past, and I cannot stand to see such a homophobic, racist, and unpatriotic character such as you still alive. P.S. I am a woman, and I can say without a doubt, you do NOT support my rights, and you're a freak for wanting to secretly tape you and you "future" girlfriend. It's not only wrong, it's illegal if she says no. I think I speak for all women when I say no girl will sleep with you.

From your "EX"-Fan,

Arle Nadja@undefined

Kissing cousins
From: fagassfighter@gmail.com

Here's a website to wipe away your idiotic misconceptions on cousin marriage. Also, it's not forbidden in the Bible:

Have a nice day.@undefined

Chris should just end it already
From: ninjakumquat@gmail.com

Hi Chris! Have you ever considered committing suicide? Yes, I am aware the Bible states that suicide is an unforgivable sin, but seeing as you are Christian Weston Chandler, I think God might let that one slide. ;)

Thanks for reading this humble missive, and remember not to feed Barb after midnight!

- Cadpig, Asperchu's #1 Fan@undefined

See, it's funny because it's true!
From: jamie tyler 

You're such a fucking dumbass, it is unbelievable. After over 30 mailbags, you still don't realize that. You're a fag, ugly, stupid, smelly piece of shit. You rip off everything you like, you make references to things that don't make sense (Captains Log? Monthy Python?), you claim to be a Christian yet don't follow the Bible (you're for pre-martial sex but against cousin marriage? It's the reverse in the Bible lol) you are racist, sexist, egotistical, and overall, just one big pile of shit.@undefined

Alec-Chan makes everything better
From: Alec-chan Asperchu  Hello Christian,

You haven't responded to my previous letters, such as when I Asked you how ASPERCHU can be a parody of the Sonichu when ASPERCHU has the Aspergers, which is NOT linked to the autism that Sonichu has. But my disappointment in you for not Answering the Challenge as a true MAN would do is not why I write today. I write not with a sword, but with an Olive Branch, as I only wanted to show you the latest page of Issue #1 (My fifth issue!), in which I bring in the Chaotic Combo. It seems you have not featured the Combo much of late in your Sonichu comic, so I have taken the Combo to give them the limelight they so deserve.

Also, as Evan Christopher George asked you repeatedly to kill his character Simonlachu (as it is his character, only EVAN holds the copyright to use it), in despondent grief Evan came to me and asked for my help. I agreed to help him, and so I will be taking Simonlachu (who I have changed back into the original Simonchu, as Evan requested) to be in my ASPERCHU comic from here on out, to do with as Evan requests me to do. All further appearances of the Simonchu in your comic will thenceforth be either dreams, or hallucinations, or just NOT canon, just to let you know - I didn't want you to accidentally write Simonchu into your pages again thinking he was really there, which he will NOT be.

Take care,

Alec Benson Leary@undefined ''It should be noted that Chris deleted this e-mail the same night he tried to communicate to Alec through his blog. It would seem that he didn't really want to talk after all.''

Medical study
From: vidkun quisling <iheartthepope@hotmail.com>

Hey Christian!

It's great that you're answering fan mail now! I was wondering since you're going almost completely bald if you've ever considered drawing a bald Sonichu without any hair? What color would the skin underneath be?

I have also wondered if Sonichus can be born with any genetic diseases or abnormalities like Autism/Asperger's, Progeria, Muscular Dystrophy, or Manic Depression. Do Sonichus get the same diseases as humans? Like the flu or the AIDS? Are people with the AIDS even allowed in CWCville?

Yours in Christ,

Vidkun Quisling@undefined

On Chris's total lack of sorrow.
From:

Chris, here is how a normal apology goes: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." This is without prompting. You, on the other hand, need to be prompted into apologizing for insulting someone, and even then, we get this: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but I WAS PROVOKED! IT'S NOT MY FAULT, THEY MADE ME DO IT BLAH BLAH BLAH JACK THADDEUS BLAH CLYDE CASH BLAH KILL YOURSELVES peace" Instead of accepting the blame, you try to shift it the moment you think you'll have to hold it. Apoligies have no "buts", Chris.

Heck, we're going to quit even faster now.@undefined