Dating

"I was naïve on the dating subject back in high school, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it!"

- Chris, talking to Lars.

Dating is the social convention in which two people do activities together in order to establish potential capacity as a long-term mate. Chris treats this process of establishing a relationship as a strict and immutable ritual in which hanky panky invariably occurs on the third date at the latest. It is worth noting that over time, the absolute nature of the third date rule Chris likes to adhere to has eroded. While initially meaning the third formal date, the ever-gnawing lust for china has devolved this into the third day after meeting in person. Chris's plans for wooing Blanca get to filthy, passionate lovemaking on the second day.

Chris's view of dating, as well as his penchant for developing schedules for these romantic encounters, say a lot about how he views the process. To Chris, dating isn't a social activity so much as it is a sort of incantation or ritual rain dance for sex. Much like courts of old Europe dating is just a complex routine that is done for the sake of the rules before he can get his rocks off.

A lot of Chris's odd outlook on dating can possibly be attributed to his autism, as he cannot grasp that dating and romance are supposed to be emotionally fulfilling activities, not mechanical warm-ups for sex. Both of Chris's stated dating plans (see below) involve sex quickly occurring after meeting for the first time in person. Love-at-first-sight is one of Chris's deepest held beliefs as well, and the idea that love is definite and perfect without getting to know your partner makes the idea of dating pointless, explaining Chris's desire to get it out of the way as soon as possible.

Online dating
Chris has joined several online dating sites, including Match, OkCupid, Book of Matches, and The Hook Cafe. He is also seen trying to use Craigslist several times; however, it is assumed that it was a troll's work.

Chris's ideas about dating Blanca
Excerpts from an e-mail Chris wrote to Blanca in September 2008:

Chris's ideas about dating Ivy
Excerpts from a video Chris recorded for Ivy in May 2009:

In the Comics
Exempting Chris's trolling date with Hanna in the sub-episodes, every single date depicted in the comic concludes in a passionate, long-term relationship (at least in line with what Chris thinks one is like). Some of these encounters even stretch the definition of a date. For example: Wild only had to show Simonla his treehouse before she was ready to yiff. Reginald Sneasel and Angelica are shown in bed together after being last seen meeting for the first time in the park. The fact that all these relationships progress to sex so quickly solidifies the idea that Chris views dating as little more beyond the ritual prelude to screwing.