Mailbag 45

Mailbag 45 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 22 January 2010. Chris had been relatively diligent about updating his incredibly ugly website, and it was expected that he would get to it that evening. Instead he took an unexplained three-day hiatus.

He finally tackled it on 25 January, only to answer fewer than half of the letters before leaving to do something with his family. He finished answering it the next evening. Highlights included Chris comparing himself to legendary cartoonists, another in the increasingly bizarre "whores for my son" series of letters, and Chris telling us to get over ourselves in relation to him constantly showing us Rosechu's ass.

Charlie Brown
From: Hamsty the Hamster 

Seriously. Fans from 10 years ago have grown up. Maybe you should too.@undefined

Not that that means anything
From: Mike Hawke 

Hey Chris,

Would you sell all of your games and toys, if it will guarantee you'll get a girlfriend?@undefined

Adventures with whores
From: 

Chris,

I need you now more than ever. I need you to do a shoutout in your video for my son Mike Junior. He has run away with the prostitute that I hired for him a week ago. He'd told my wife and I that it was a love match, but we didn't believe him. Now they are on the run to Vegas where they are going to get married- my son has a fake ID and is going to use that to pretend that he's 18. Can you ask him to come home? We promise that we won't run his girlfriend away as long as he comes back.

Also, my wife is concerned about the language you are using to the writers of Asperchu. She says that it is way too harsh for our children and because the kids are already so upset, she has made me stop reading your comics to our children.

Sincerely,

Mike

P.S.- MIKE JUNIOR COME HOME! ALL IS FORGIVEN!@undefined

''Chris never made the promised video. Mike called him out on it three mailbags later.''

Robble robble
From: Billy MC 

Hello Chris,

I am a big fan of you and Sonichu. I am writing to ask you if you ever worry about the Hamburglar stealing your McDonald's food. My mother takes me to McDonald's quite a lot and whenever I am there I am always sure to look around for the Hamburglar because you never know where he might be lurking, waiting to snatch away your Big Mac and fries! Speaking of McDonald's, you and the Grimace share many similarities. I believe he might be High-Functioning Autistic too!

Love,

Billy MC@undefined

Chris' hormones + Rosechu's ass = Fan service
From: Faye Dexter 

Dear Chris, most of your fans that are still reading are ADULTS and we demand to be treated as such! You lost most of your underage fans with the sex storylines(even censored, most parents don't let that kind of thing fly) so I suggest that there be more MATURE storylines with gore and violence. Games rated M usually have gore in them and those are rated M for MATURE. TV-MA is for MATURE AUDIENCES and usually has gore and violence. So could you include those in the comic so your adult audience doesn't feel like they're reading a baby comic for babies?@undefined

Later bitches
This was later removed before answering the rest of the mailbag on 26 January.

Enough evidence
From: Andrew Rinker 

I'm just wondering why you were so rude in your response to the final question in mailbag 43 (from Keith Keithson). All he did was present an in depth, well thought out argument. Is that how you respond to any argument you do not agree with? Wouldn't it be better to actually attempt to refute his claims? All you are doing with your response is showing that you have no evidence to refute his claims, and are therefore conceding that they are, in fact, the truth. No disrespect intended, I'm just curious why you don't simply take the time to present your own counterpoints to his, rather than just telling him to "go fuck yourself". That's very rude, and only serves to portray you in a negative light.@undefined

No Artistic Taste
From: Bernardo Garcia 

So let me get this straight, you are saying people who don't like your comic series are mentally underdeveloped and have poor taste?@undefined

The harshest of attitudes
From: Trap Master

Dear Chris

You've said you don't want to remove Simonla from the comics because it would be taking away Wild's girlfriend. It's wrong to put Wild's, a FICTIONAL character, feelings ahead of a real person. Leaving Simonla in your comics is hurting Evan, stop being a monster and do the right thing.@undefined

Not likely
From: 

Hey Chris,

I am a volunteer with the German Red Cross and I am currently in Haiti helping to bring people's lives back to normal. It's grueling work. It's hot and some people still can't get clean water and food. Although your poster is nice, it won't get things done here. If you really want to help, it often makes a big difference when celebrities donate large sums of money which they encourage people to match. You may have already done this and if you have, you should announce it. Alternatively, if you were to volunteer to come to Haiti and put some elbow grease into the project, it might encourage others to do the same. It would go a lot further than a poster and we would really appreciate the help.

Best regards, Manfred@undefined

Mistakes, errors, and ordeals
From: Brianna Ricaud 

Chris, in your reply to my mail you claimed that you always censor adult stuff from your comics and that images were "tricked from you".

Let me remind you that it was YOU that took those pictures. It was YOU that drew a NASTY, PORNOGRAPHIC picture of you MOLESTING your best friend Megan. No one forced you.

You have proved that you're a liar and a hypocrite and you have lost another fan. Alec has never lied and he doesn't do cowardly things and then deny them.

Good riddance,

Brianna@undefined

This is why you're losing your fans
From: Cpt. Wyvern 

Why do you always criticise the Asperchu comics for being poorly drawn? Your art style isn't too great too, y'know, you don't have much room to criticise others.@undefined

Note that X-Play reviews video games, not comic books.

Chris NEVER deletes letters
From: 

As a fan of your comic, recently I've been feeling insulted by the things you've been saying to us. In your mailbags, you've been calling us hypocrites and mentally devolved, and you've been slashing and ignoring a lot of good questions from your mailbags for no reason. This is no way to be treating your fans. You seem to want us to worship you like you're God or something, and you seem to not be able to maturely handle criticism.

I noticed that other comic artists will actually answer the letters they get. I know you don't like that Leary guy, but at least he answers emails and treats his fans with respect. I hope you do the same before you lose all of your fans.

--Gil@undefined

Baby Chrissie
From: darkestfor@asia.com

I'm writing because, after seeing the Asperchu "hardcore" ad, I have decided to give up your baby comic for Alec's mature book. Have fun coloring within the lines, Baby Chrissie. Don't shit your diapers too much.@undefined

At one point we all had this reaction
From: Harold Man

Dear Chris,

I used to be a big fan of Sonichu for a long time because it seemed to have very subversive themes. You drew in a manner that seemed intentionally bad. Like you were parodying Republican views. But you're serious? That's amazing. No one would like your comic if you were actually being serious. I just told my friends that you're serious and we're are laughing our asses off. You're so naive.

You're really serious. Like, the biggest Sonichu fan forum is full of threads about how hilarious your work is and how they'd write comic book companies to carry your work. Just wait 'til word gets out that you're serious. That you aren't kidding when you say Sonichu is straight. Everyone will leave.

Your audience now is all college students who think you're being ironic and funny. Little kids aren't interested. Believe me, I tried to show my brother. He told me to get the crap out of his face because he was playing X-Box. Kids don't care about cartoons anymore. The only people who read it, read it because it has undertones of homosexuality.

Seriously, I think you misunderstand why Asperchu is popular. Now, its drawing is average, but what hooks readers is the underlying themes. Because of your autism, you don't get it. It's like a big secret joke that you don't see. Maybe you should ask a non-autistic friend to explain it to you. That is, if you care about your fans. They'll all leave and you won't know why.

You're saying Alec shot himself in the foot. Pfft, he made the smarter move by going more adult and serious. He knows his fanbase. Apparently you don't know yours.

I know you won't reply to this because you're a coward.

~ A former fan@undefined

Caught in a lie? Just delete the evidence
From: levelledcompany@bikerider.com

I saw your "TheTailofRosechu.jpg" image and thought, "Hey, that's not what I remember." Then I looked back at the comics, and sure enough, the Raichu's tail is pointed and sharp, like that of a male's. What gives? Why lie to your fans like this?

You can't just lie to your fans, and you can't just keep going back and changing stuff in your comics. I hated how you changed the "My love quest is finally over" page almost as much as I hate being lied to by a big fat liar like you. It's stuff like this, all the lies and retcons, that make me feel like I should stop reading the comic.

If you want to make things right, apologize, admit your mistake, promise to never make the same mistake again, and (this is the most important part) NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Stop lying, even "small" lies, and quit changing your old stuff.@undefined The writer of this letter is referring to the image found here.

Obviously not
From: Hamsty the Hamster 

Who gives a shit if you have some lesbian named Heather if YOU ALREADY CURED ALL THE HOMOSEXUALS IN CWCVILLE?!?!?!?!?!? Do you even keep track of your plot anymore?@undefined

Sweet Alec and Hella Evan
From: Evang7  Alec and I DO NOT FEAR YOU. This comic symbolizes our unity Against You. http://i48.tinypic.com/zv90s7.jpg@undefined

Savage love
Before you click any links, please be aware that the image is of some neckbeard's asshole. From: adamsavage@discovery.com

Hey Chris its from here! Yes THE Adam Savage! I love your comics and I saw your most recent video telling that damn Asperchu Parody off and how you want them to suck your balls while you stick your middle finger so far up their ass! Righteous man!

I got to thinking about it… And hey you know… I’m am open guy and I say we should try and bust some myths together. Perhaps we could start with the myth about you being homosexual! I’m pretty sure I know the results! I know some great ways we can test it too! You, Jamie, and myself can get together and have a wild night busting that myth wide open so EVERYONE will finally know the truth!

I’ve included a picture of myself doing some very special poses for you and Sonichu so you know its REALLY ME! I hope you like the picture I was thinking of you and your comic series when I took it.

http://bayimg.com/BAjodaaCN

Sincerely yours,

-Adam P.S. What was your favorite episode on myth busters? Mine has to be the one where we launched the liquid nitrogen frozen butterball turkeys.@undefined The episode referred to is #81, "Holiday Special", first aired 6 December 2006.