HEXBox





HEXBox (also spelled HeXBox, HEX-Box, or Hex-Bawx) is a CWC-ism for Microsoft's Xbox series of game consoles, probably in reference to "hex" being a word for "curse." There are currently four generations of Xbox game consoles, three of which Chris has owned games for at one point.

Chris has stated that if his video game Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title on everywhere but the HEXBox. With his later acquisition of an Xbox One, however, it remains to be seen whether he has relaxed his position on Adult Chronicles being released on it.

By 2019, Chris lost interest in playing the Xbox and PlayStation 4 consoles.

Early days
Some early signs of hate can be seen in the Animal Crossing Documentary, in which he makes the following remark:

"Xbox and PlayStation 2, my opinion is the same as yours; they both stink."

- Chris, presuming his audience shares his perverted sense of brand loyalty

He then makes another remark, stating the fact that he didn't own either console. Notably, Chris's vitriol also extended to Playstation, since he was still purely a Nintendo fanboy at the time.

Chris tried to sell the Xbox games Call of Duty 2: Big Red One, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, Driv3r and Celebrity Deathmatch on eBay, which makes it possible that Chris once owned an original Xbox, though he has been known to buy games at thrift stores and sell them for a profit.

The hatred


In the 2 January 2009 IRC chat, Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:

12:18 Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the PS3 too 12:18  because the Live is costly. 12:18 It's only 50 dollars a year 12:19 that's very cheap compared to the ps3 12:19  and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE. 12:19  PSN is Free; Nintendo Wi-Fi is Free. 12:19  Skadoosh.

While making sweet love to his one and only sweetheart, Chris tried to tell us how he really feels about the HEXBox:


 * "I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, whatever the half of 360° is. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."

He was asked about this in his Mailbag, and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

"I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case."

- Chris, being completely irrational.

Actually, Xbox Live has two kinds of accounts. "Free" accounts (formerly "Silver") can access a large part of of Xbox Live features, such as friend lists, messaging, achievements and the content marketplace. "Gold" accounts, currently priced around $60/year, can play multiplayer games, use certain premium features such as Netflix (before June 4, 2014, after which it was available for free accounts) and get weekly discounts in addition to early access to certain downloadable games and demos (free accounts eventually get access to this content as well).

Considering $60 is around the price of a single game, while factoring in Chris' monthly allowance and his habit of purchasing video games and paraphernalia on a whim while accruing thousands of dollars in debt, the price would hardly be a problem for him. It is safe to say Chris' opposition to Xbox Live stems purely from his console-war mindset.

While PlayStation Network still lets users play multiplayer games for free, a premium version called PlayStation Plus was introduced in June 2010. In order to prove how strongly he despises HEXbox Live Gold, Chris was spotted in April 2011 using the Plus services. However, the PlayStation 4, the console Chris shelled out money for, requires mandatory PlayStation Plus to play online, which is at least $60 for 12 months. Despite being the same price as Xbox Live, Xbox Live hasn't had as many online shutdowns as PlayStation Plus and has better security.

In the comics


The HEXBox 360 is featured during the elevator gag portion of Sonichu #8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console as they travel past the 70th floor of the 4-cent_garbage.com building. The 71st floor displays a PlayStation Trophy award for "killing that HEX-BOX."

Christian took care to draw a "Damn Red Ring" around the HEXBox's power button.

In Sonichu #10, Jason Kendrick Howell is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and a pirated copy of LittleBigPlanet. Later, Chris portrays Alec Benson Leary as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as Collosal Chan, enters it, deletes everything about the Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.

In Sonichu #12, a "Fully Found Myself" Xbox trophy is depicted for Reldnahc whereas comic Chris's achievement is depicted with a PS4 trophy.

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is smaller than a Wii, and with the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that an Xbox 360 has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the PS3), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door. However, the new model 360s don't have memory card slots, but do have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.

Microsoft itself is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.

Change of heart?
In a video uploaded in September 2010, Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to Jackie:

"About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place."

- Chris

Nope, he still hates it
On the weekend of 7 September 2013, Chris was banned from the Ruckersville Walmart after he vandalized an Xbox One kiosk with a felt-tip marker to read "HEXbox One". Not only does this contradict his so-called "change of heart" for the console, but also adds to his ever growing list of lies, as well. He tried writing the manager an apology letter to get his ban lifted, to no avail.

On his Facebook page, Chris posted that the last name of the manager was Utz. He also went as far as to actually post this on Human Rights Campaign's page and claimed he has been discriminated against for being "autistic" and a "lesbian"--even though it's pretty clear that the moral of this story is to not vandalize shit. He asked the community to demand Walmart to unban him, even posting its address and phone number under the pretense people would actually follow through with his orders, and liked his own post. He did at least admit that what he did was wrong, so maybe there's some silver lining.

Chris posted this on 4 September 2014 at around 7:30 PM.

On 25 June 2015, Facebook group Legit Lady Gamers posted a picture of a pink Xbox One. Predictably, Chris replied that he liked pink PS4s better.

He likes it for real now


In November 2017, Chris revealed his gamertag, CWCSonichu1982. He has a Gold membership, along with several Sonic games. Based on his gaming list including Rare Replay, he purchased an Xbox One instead of a 360, since Rare Replay is a One exclusive. As of now, it is unknown if he purchased an Xbox One X, an Xbox One S, or just a regular Xbox One.

His Gamerscore is 5,210, with 44 games played, and 1 game completed.

By 2019, Chris had ceased regularly playing the Xbox - his Gamertag account shows that the last game played was in 2019. In August 2020, a fan asked about his gaming activity, to which Chris answered that the "amount of stuff" in the room was a problem for setting up his consoles and that he was more focused on the Dimensional Merge instead.