CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris's birthday

2012-02-25T02:28:17Z

000peter: /* Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution */ 30

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris receives a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg Pro200] handheld game console, and is photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also draws "[[Bionic]] Over Autism.", which would later be included in Sonichu 6, and creates Espanolic, which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children — composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] — Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===

Chris will enter his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes will still cast a shadow.

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church

2011-12-14T18:50:54Z

000peter: correcting first image caption (name) and removing the second quote about "we are not responsible..." as it features in the text

{{quote|"Wesley Mem"* is a church for all of [[Autistic|God’s children]], regardless of [[Attraction Sign|age]], [[Niggos|race]], [[Silvana|gender]], [[Monthly tugboat|socio-economic situation]], or [[Homos|sexual orientation]].|WMUMC's slogan}}

[[Image:WesleyChurchPhoto.jpg|thumb|right|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, Charlottesville.]]
[[Image:Wesley Church.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Wesley Foundation Methodist Church's logo.]]

[[Christian]] started attending the '''[[Wikipedia:John Wesley|Wesley]] Memorial [[Wikipedia:United Methodist Church|United Methodist Church]]''' in [[March 2008]] after getting kicked out of his old church, the [[Grace Baptist Church]]. He was baptised at WMUMC on Mother's Day of 2008.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Regina_e-mails#Regina_tries_to_make_sense_of_all_that</ref> Chris also sees his counselor [[Rocky]] here. On September 12th, 2011, the church served as the location for [[Bob]]'s funeral.

WFMC is closely associated with the [[University of Virginia]]. Ironically, given his intense homophobia, Chris attends a [[homo]]-accepting church because it is the only one that won't kick him out. Having been besieged with [[nudes]] of Chris, they now have this disclaimer on their homepage: "We are not responsible for any content or links that may appear on the personal web pages of any member of this congregation."

It is interesting to note that, according to Chris in one of his [[Mailbag]]s, the church ignores passages of the Bible quoted from [[Jesus]]<ref>[[Mailbag 27]]</ref>. Whether this is Chris misunderstanding their teaching, or another example of backwards Southern Christianity is yet to be seen.

[[Bob]] attended with his son, but [[Barbara]] usually stays home.<ref>[[Church audio#00:06:27 - A Wild Chris-Chan Appears]]</ref>

[[Robert Simmons V]] also [[Church audio|talked to Chris]] at this church on 15 [[March 2009]].
{{-}}
== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Rocky]]

==External links==
*[http://avenue.org/wmumc/ Church website]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Captain's Log

2011-11-18T18:13:53Z

000peter: invaluable information

[[File:CWCtrek1.png|center|450px]]
{{Quote|Real life: the final frontier.<br>These are the fails of the lolcow Chris-chan. His continuing Love Quest: to explore strange new Attraction Locations, to seek out new gal-pals, and new sweethearts; to boldly go where no high-functioning autistic virgin has gone before.}}
[[Image:Captain's Log.jpg|thumb|Ladies, set Tasers to stun.]]

"'''Captain's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Log]]'''" is [[Chris]]'s usual opening to a video blog, first appearing in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|24 September 2008 video]]. It comes from popular sci-fi franchise ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|Star Trek]]''. In a typical episode, the captain, commander or other senior crew member would make an entry to log what has happened in the situation prior to the beginning of the episode. Most ''Star Trek'' Captain's Log entries are noticeably void of [[Chris and anger|Tard Rage]].

Sometimes, Chris gives an incorrect date (though the date is technically always incorrect since he says "Stardate" and gives a Gregorian Calendar date), or fails to provide a date at all. An example of Chris giving an incorrect date would be many of the entries made in [[July 2009]]. The [[CWCki]] has organized the Captain's Log entries by the date they were uploaded.

Interestingly enough, he is not a Star Trek fan,<ref>[[Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 14]]</ref> as he's never even seen anything of it. His usage of the phrase most likely comes from his favorite television show, [[Family Guy]], which contains references to Star Trek in virtually every episode. The Star Trek viewerbase generally doesn't consist of [[slow in the minds]] anyway.

He may have encountered the phrase from the ''Star Trek'' game he purchased as a result of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] competition, but knowing his gaming habits, he probably never played it.

==Characteristics==

Generally, a Captain's Log video is one in which Chris addresses his fanbase, a sort of video blog where he asks his [[True and Loyal fanbase]] to be his personal army or to express his hatred about some [[troll]].

This is in contrast to other styles of Chris videos, such as those where he addresses a specific individual (often expecting people to know he's posted a video about them, such as [[Michael Snyder]] of [[The GAMe PLACe]]) or his [[Chris and music|music videos]].

Occasionally a video is [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|dead serious]], and therefore not worthy of a being named a Captain's Log.

==Captain's ''Blog''==
In [[November 2009]], Chris began [[CWC Blog|maintaining an irregular text blog]] on the [[CWCipedia]], featuring updates on the progress of his comic and his quest to turn [[Sonichu]] into the heart of a multimedia empire. He also dubbed this a "Captain's Log" and marked the successive entries with "Stardates". It could be found halfway down the right column of the site's front page (and also at [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Captain%27s_Log Template:Captain's Log], and he maintained [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWC_Blog an archive] of his updates.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name=Star date
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dDZ6ZDp3sYw}}
| stardate = 7 [[March 2009]]
| maker = RosechusPickle
| subject = Captain's Log
| type = Complilation
}}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Captain's Log}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Megan Schroeder

2011-11-07T19:31:04Z

000peter: Why is Chris pixelated on the previous picture? replaced

{{quote|Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true, it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.|Christian, ''[[Story of My Current Days]]''}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Megan Schroeder
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 23 July 1986
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| [[Wikipedia:NEET|NEET]]
|-
|}

'''Megan Schroeder''' (born 23 July [[1986]]) was a friend, maybe even what could be considered a true friend, of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s who appeared on the scene in [[2005]] and cut off contact with Chris around [[2008]].

==Prologue==
{{main|Megan Emails, 2005-2006}}
{{See also|Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007}}
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|Look at the fear in her eyes...]]

{{quote|During the late summer months, I picked up and started the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] [[Trading Card Game]] (it was around the time the movie came into theaters). One Saturday at the Game Place (Where I was also going for Pokemon TCG on Fridays), I met Megan and [[John's Custom Gundam|John Schroeder]]. At first I thought they were a couple but then they were just Sister and Brother. Over the months of getting to know Megan, I grew fond of her. Although at that time, and up to now, she wasn't interested in a lovely relationship. I've bided to her wishes and requests. I am truly fond of her, and I hope she will have a change of heart soon. She'll be turning 21 on July 23, 2007.|Christian<ref>[[Yep, I'm on TV :)]]</ref>}}

Megan is a typical ''truly'' [[boyfriend-free girl]]; asexual even, with a few eccentricities that Chris was more than happy to copy and fulfill, namely her fondness for ''[[My Little Pony]]'', ''[[Sailor Moon]]'', and using Chris like a debit card because she was too lazy to go on [[eBay]] herself.

Megan and Chris first met during the summer of [[2005]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] over a game of ''Yu-Gi-Oh!''. The two apparently struck up a friendship of sorts. They had an obvious connection from the start, since they were both [[Wikipedia:NEET|NEET]]s, idling their twenties away playing [[card games|games marketed to pre-teens]]. It only took [[Third date|a few games of cards]] and a handful of e-mails before Chris saw Megan as his [[sweetheart]]. This was probably perpetuated by the fact that Megan used him as means to buy stuff off of eBay.

{{quote|Please can you get this video for me? please hurry! thanks!|Megan, [[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006#Megan_wants_a_Tin_Tin_episode|Megan E-mails]]}}

Through the end of 2005 and into [[2006]], Chris would hang all over Megan, writing her [[Sonichu 5|into his comic]], trying to drag her into dates, trying to snuggle, hold her hand, kiss her, and other creepy actions. This didn't accomplish anything but rousing the ire of Megan, who wanted nothing more than her personal space away from our hero. Even more so, she only saw him as a friend, nothing more. She repeatedly tried to assert her asexuality. Sadly, this fell on deaf ears, and Chris would continue hounding Megan. When Megan attempted to get rid of Chris, saying that she had a boyfriend, it didn't deter Chris from his ultimate goal of [[china]].

Unfortunately for her, this was only the beginning...

==Megan Saga==

===Sailor Megtune===
{{Main|Sailor Megtune}}

Megan is a bit of an amateur cartoonist herself, and that caught Chris's fancy early in the game.

{{quote|Everytime I see your drawings, I get inspired to want to work more on [[Sonichu (comic)|my comics]].|Christian, [[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006#Chris_wants_to_date_Megan_at_McDonald.27s|Megan E-mails]]}}

In what was a fortunate alignment of his ass-kissing campaign with the now consistent diary-keeping that ''Sonichu'' had become, Megan (later [[retconned]] as '''Meg-chan''') quickly made her first appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] along with [[Megagi La Skunk]], her own [[homo|lesbian]] furry sidekick. The two are purportedly "[[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldiers]]" and reveal on the spot that Chris is an old friend of theirs (Chris knew Megagi?) and thwart the evil Jerkops trying to ruin Chris' [[Love Quest]] with Rockin' Hurricane, causing Magic Rocket to [[Team Rocket|blast off again]]. Her influence on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is apparent in Chris's sudden transition to a more [[animu]] style with ''Sonichu'' #5, most notably in his character's eyes.

[[Image:Schu6p50a.jpg|thumb|Getting dangerously close to crossing the line...]]

Megan and Chris appeared to chat about comics in their e-mail conversations; Chris critiqued some of her story ideas, and ran the plotline for [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] by her, including a bizarre offer to write in Megan's own imaginary daughter. While Megan probably found the whole thing harmlessly eccentric at first, ''Sonichu'' #5 managed to create some drama pretty quickly upon its release. Megan undoubtedly flipped when she saw her character snuggling up with Chris AND offering fan service to the audience. Chris failed at understanding her anger, but did [[retcon]] a couple pages to tone them down.

===Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown===
{{main|Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown}}
{{See also|Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007}}

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]] and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet [[Gal pal|Gal-Friend]] to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]; [[Chris and rape|it would have been terriffic]]. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a [[stress|FRUSTRATED]], High-Functionally [[autism|AUTISTIC]], 25-YEAR OLD [[Virgin with rage|VIRGIN]].|[[PSN Blogs]]}}

In June [[2007]], Megan went to [[Wikipedia:Kentucky|Kentucky]]. Undeterred, Chris continued e-mailing her, refusing to back away even for a moment as he ''still'' believed that, deep down inside, Megan truly did love him. Discovering about the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] and the prizes that laid within, Chris eagerly entered the contest, hoping to win a [[PSP]] and the trip and use that to win her [[china|heart]]. In the end, as expected, Chris lost, [[Adam Stackhouse]] won, Megan didn't give a shit. Even when Chris began whining about how everyone "cheated", especially Adam, but he "didn't", she didn't care. It soon got to the point where Megan would finally blow up at Chris for his childish and selfish acts. Despite being hurt, Chris continued to harass Megan.

===Rule 34 and The End of Megan===
{{Main|ShecameforCWC.JPG}}
{{See also|Megan Emails, 2008}}
[[Image:ShecameforCWC_(200803).JPG|right|thumb|...aaand we've crossed it.]]
In November 2007, Chris would discover his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page and begin his one-man war [[Sonichu 8|against the garbage]]. In the process, he uploaded a number of [[Rule 34]] artworks, one of which was [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingering a girl]] with her eyes obscured. Trolls originally believed that she was [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his imaginary sister Crystal]], but Chris would eventually reveal that the image was actually meant to represent Megan.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on the 18th March, 2008.]]</ref><ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>

By 12 [[March 2008]], Megan discovered the picture and demanded that it be removed immediately. Chris attempted to do so, but found himself blocked at every turn. His edits were quickly reverted, or even worse, compounded, as he tried to upload other versions of the picture with the face cropped out or obscured.

Throughout the fiasco, Chris attempted to paint himself as a greater victim than Megan, initially even assuming that she didn't understand what was going on in the picture. He would later admit he did it in part to suppress the occasional impulse to [[rape]] her, and that trying to assert that what she was going through just BEING in the picture and learning what he could have done was ''nothing'' compared to the misery of the [[troll]]ing he was enduring. In the end, Megan finally broke off all contact with Chris, broken by her experiences and traumatized by his actions.<ref>[[Chris-chan#Megan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008]]</ref>

==Epilogue==
{{quote|Too bad I was never just that too all into him.|Cartoon Megan, "I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

{{quote|Megan... WHY?!|Christian,
"I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

Megan surfaced again in Chris's thoughts in [[July 2009]], first in the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, and then in the subsequent update, [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]].

Chris also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCo72hJ-SAg reposted] the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] entry, though this version is slightly different from the ones frequently seen in latter days: After "...my friend Megan!", Chris inserted a short break with a photo of him and Megan, with a lovely heart frame. Either this is the original version before Chris tried to clean up his image, or a brand new version with new improved references to the long-lost love.

On 26 [[March 2009]], he released a [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009 |Captain's Log]] where he told everyone to [[Chris and Hypocrisy|"leave her alone"]] because she was going through [[stress]] from the [[trolls]], and threatened to stop drawing the comic if they didn't

On 12 [[August 2009]], he dedicated a song to Megan in one of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] videos, where the first sign that he'd convinced himself that she'd told him "I Love You" comes up (and he remains relatively consistent when speaking of her in acting as though this actually happened).

{{quote|Coming up next at #7, we got another long-distance dedication, to the old [[gal-pal]] of mine that I almost had a ra- I had meant to be- I had her "I love you" before I got kicked out, Megan Schroeder, her, from her favorite, this is from her favorite h-artist, Yngwie Malmsteen.|Christian, "[[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]"}}

A year later, on 10 August 2010, [[Matthew Noble call|it was revealed]] that [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] believe Megan to have actively conspired with Michael Snyder and some [[homos]]exuals to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe. Barbara also mentions something about how Megan "lied" about something, suggesting that she believes Megan to have been a troll.

It is possible that this belief originated with Chris, as in his correspondence with [[Katie_Bay_E-mails_2|Katie Bay]], he lists Megan as a "possible troll". His reasoning was typical Chris - she had a vagina and didn't want to have sex with him. He also appears to have confused her with another female Caucasian brunette that placed a sign on his lawn in October 2008.

In 2010, he created a [[:File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|model of Megan]] for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' (named "Gal Pal"), showing that he still can't let go.

==Chris's version of events==
On 16 [[May 2010]], the [[CWCipedia]]'s new fan manager Daria Camacho created a page for Megan, using the link on Chris's page of [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|gal-pals and sweethearts]]. When Chris discovered it, he erased all of Daria's text and wrote his own version. The abridged version of events he presents is much shorter than his gigantic [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|rant on The Wallflower]], probably because the events of the Megan Saga are beginning to fade from his memory.

{{quotebox|If you REALLY MUST KNOW...

Megan and I first met at a Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament at The G&H Place, back when it was still in the Downtown Mall. It was around the time the Y.G.O. Movie debuted in theaters. She and I, we talked, hung out and became really good friends.

"I DID have lovey-dovey feelings for her, and I still care about her as a friend. I did her a number of favors by getting her this and that off of eBay, then she would reimburse me the cost of each item.

When I started getting too close, she started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible [[homos]]exual.

I drew that drawing of her and me that is unfortunately popular among everyone who tends to haze me for TWO REASONS. Firstly, because of My Own Wishful Thinking. And second a tool in a lame attempt to overcrowd the E.D. page against me with Bu**C*** with my own "information" to shut it down.

Ever since, she totally spaced herself from me, like as if she had put a restraining order against, which she did not. And as I was being forced off the Place premesis the last day I was there, she stood by and watched in shock. She could have spoken up for me, but she did not.

I have lost communication with Megan since then.}}

In the months and years after his "breakup" with Megan, Chris has eventually come to try and act as if he's gotten over her. His [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] on [[The Wallflower]], for instance, claimed "I had LOOOOOONG moved on from Megan."

However, a lingering attachment betrays itself on occasion. The archive of his [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|female acquaintances]] on the CWCipedia noted, "I still miss her sometimes." In an [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|e-mail to Jackie]] from April 2010, when he recounted having his picture taken at The GAMe PLACe, Chris said, "I was in a state of shock from seeing Megan and (her short-lived romance) Christopher MAKING OUT. '''That Should Have Been Me.'''"

==Gallery==

===Art by Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg
Image:313-MegansSMoon.jpg
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|[[Megagi La Skunk]] ~ The pose in this and the following few drawings is quite obviously traced from the same source.
Image:318-HoundHowl.jpg|Hound Howl, which Chris reused as "Canino the Houndhowl" in the [[Wedding Comic]].
Image:319-PendingDoom.jpg
Image:320-Apocolypse.jpg
Image:321-IceCune.jpg
Image:322-houdourstuff.jpg
Image:Megan_ace_of_clubs.JPG|"Ace of Clubs" ~ Megan's original design for [[Patti-chan]], until Chris stole the design.
Image:Megyoshimitsu1.jpg|<ref>http://www.tekkenforces.com/fanart/fanartgmegimitsu.php#a</ref>
Image:Megyoshimitsu2.jpg
</gallery></center>

===Art of Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:Sonichu07-P03.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P04.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P05.jpg|KINDA OF A [[Dragon Ball Z|GOKU-GET-EM]] ATTITUDE. :)
Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|THAT IS NOT CRYSTAL.
Image:129-ChrisChanMegtune.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:307-MegSch.jpg
Image:311-RedDarkMeggician.jpg
Image:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|Another [[wikipedia:Schroeder (Peanuts)|Schroeder]].
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|He just can't let go...
</gallery></center>

===Miscellaneous===
<center><gallery>
Image:323-MegansDarkChao.JPG
</gallery></center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Megan Schroeder}}
<references />

{{-}}
{{MeganSaga}}
{{People}}
{{Sweethearts}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Schroeder, Megan}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Template:Christory/November 07

2011-11-07T17:56:59Z

000peter: correcting link - this video was not a stardate article

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = Nov 07.jpg
|imagecaption = Chris as he appeared in his first Captain's Log
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2007]]''', Chris uploads his first ever public video, a predecessor to the [[Captain's Log]] series, addressing the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] contributors, whom he believes have simply misunderstood him and his [[Sonichu|Electric-hedgehog Pokémon]].
|link = Chris Chan's Public Announcement
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category: November|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Barbara Chandler

2011-11-06T16:48:05Z

000peter: /* Gallery */ changing spelling of corrina

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}

{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the [[Internet]].|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}

{{quote|I ain't got no [[black]] ass! You get your gutter ass down in the gutter and shut up!|Barbara, during a [[Prank_calls|prank call]], to a recording of her husband's voice}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age 70)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??)<br>
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office Worker (Ret.)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Appearance==
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''Snorlax''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article for some strange reason.

==Family life==
Barbara is the daughter of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1954) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967).<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Her maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>
===Cole and his various fathers===

[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]]]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to date guys who curse a lot, and obsesses over them". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show that she actually wasn't.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG</ref>

In 1995, an internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====

[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|left|Cole's [[true and honest]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

He died on June 6th, 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is [[Barbara]]'s former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember. |Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

===Marriage with Bob===

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker. Too bad physical appearance is genetic]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on September 6, 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]]<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Song_of_christian</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cutco</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}} She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas.<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara occasionally spoons with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'']</ref>

While having a special needs child is a major [[stress|stressor]] in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.

==Recent health problems==
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction]]

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

==In the comics==

[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son]]

Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==Audio appearances==

* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* [[Matthew Noble call]]: In this call, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.

==Video appearances==

Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M&feature=channel_video_title Interview about Barb]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]