CWCki - User contributions [en]

Fan visits

2021-09-27T03:15:48Z

282128332:

{{Protip|If you're thinking about taking a trip to personally check on Barb after [[Incest|what's happened]], then don't. She has been through enough in the past few months as it is, and she is probably better off being left alone.}}

In recent years, Chris and/or Barb have occasionally been '''visited by fans''' at their [[14 Branchland Court|house]].

==Joey Vance==
[[File:JvanceandChris.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris with Joey (far left) and his brother.]]

On 18 [[October 2019]], '''Joey Vance''' and his older brother visited [[Sonichu Headquarters]] to meet Chris. Their accounts were posted on Reddit in r/ChrisChanSonichu the next day.<ref>[https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/dk6ttx/look_who_i_met_the_other_day_im_in_the_back_lol/ Original Post] ([http://archive.li/ZznCn Archive])</ref>

The two brothers were initially visiting [[Charlottesville]] and since [[Ruckersville]] just happens to be in their way, Joey decided to make the most of their time together to personally visit Chris. The overall visit was described as a calm experience between the two parties, with the older brother (known by his Reddit handle xv5qx) even giving a [[Sonic]] toy as a "peace offering". One interesting note Joey mentioned is the fact that Chris smells of [[weed]]. Whether the musk is the result of his usual poor [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|hygiene]] or his new [[Teen Troon Squad|drug habit]] is still up for debate.

===Audio===
Joey also recorded conversations regarding [[Jacob Sockness]].
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Chat with Christine Weston Chandler/Chris Chan
| ytid = HGXar9jLaq0
| stardate = 19 [[October 2019]]
| maker = Joey Vance 2
| previous = [[ChrisReleasesAStatementRegardingJacobSockness‎‎]]
| next = [[Chris Chan Sonichu plays Twilight Sparkle’s Secret Shipfic Folder, Solitaire]]
| subject = {{Jacob|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[A [[Clover and Snoopy|dog]] is heard whining eerily throughout the video]

'''Chris''': [Faintly] Hello?

'''Joey's Brother''': Hey, are you Christian Chandler?

'''Chris''': Yes...

'''Joey's Brother''': We live in the area- sorry to bother you- we've been fans for a few years and stuff and...

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': though we'd kinda give some gifts

'''Chris''': Oh, thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': That's very nice.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Its nice to meet you dude.

'''Chris''': Yeah. It's nice to meet you both.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Anyway, how have you been?

'''Chris''': I've been doing alright.

'''Joey's Brother''': That's cool.

'''Chris''': Ahh been doing very well, you knowsshh having to cope with [[Jacob_Sockness#Abortive_Virginia_trip|the events-]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah, I- I heard about the- the situation with the guy, I'm sorry to hear about that.

'''Chris''': Well don't worry about that, it's all cool.

'''Joey's Brother''': We're all looking out for your best interests, and you definitely have our support so-

'''Chris''': Thank- [[Homos|I love your blue eyes.]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Oh, appreciate it. I you- [[Heterochromia|blue and green eyes]], they're really cool.

[Pause]

'''Joey's Brother''': That's awesome! Yeah. So, anyway, um is it cool if we get a selfie or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah-

==Aggravating Art==
[[File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto2.png|thumb|250px|Chris with Aggravating Art.]]
On 20 [[February 2021]], a Ruckersville local by the handle of '''Aggravating_Art_2982''', along with his older brother and his brother's girlfriend visited Chris and documented his experience on [[Reddit]]'s r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit.<ref>[https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/lojfvv/me_and_my_brother_met_chris_today_ask_away/ Original Post] ([https://archive.md/MFjjm Archive])</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto1.png|Chris getting uncomfortably close with Aggravating Art's brother's girlfriend while looking like a stoned {{w|Rick Moranis}}.
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto3.png|Aggravating Art on the gazebo.
</gallery></center>
===Video===
Aggravating Art also recorded a short video featuring Chris's wardrobe.
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS CHAN DRIP OUT
| ytid = tQsTwz_Y_Vc
| stardate = 20 [[February 2021]]
| subject =
| style =
| shirt = Patriotic Muumuu
| saga =
| other =
| maker =
| previous = [[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]
| next = [[Chris Kisses Rosechu]]
}}

==Anon on /pol/==
On 28 [[June 2021]], an anonymous user on [[4chan]]'s /pol/ board visited 14 Branchlord Court to take pictures of the house and [[Son-chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|the Dodge Caravan]]. The user played the flute near [[Patti]]'s old doghouse and apparently saw Chris peeking through a window in the house.

<center><gallery>
File:June2021Visit1.jpg|
File:June2021Visit2.jpg|
File:June2021VisitThread.png|A screencap of the original 4chan thread.
</gallery></center>

==Phillip Jeffries==
On 29 [[August 2021]], during the fallout of [[Incest|the incest incident]] and the [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|August 2021 arrest]], a [[Kiwi Farms]] user called Phillip_Jeffries visited 14 Branchlord Court with a friend in order to see the condition of the aforementioned Dodge Caravan and [[Chandler cats|the cats]]. Phillip was able to confirm that the vehicle was back at the house, and that at least two cats, Baby and Sylvia, were still living at the residence. Most notably, it was also confirmed that Barbara had returned to the house.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387/</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:August2021House1.jpg|
File:August2021House2.jpg|
File:August2021House3.jpg|
File:August2021House4.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Barb Visit==
On 20 [[September 2021]], a pair of weens checked up on Barb to ask about Chris, unknowingly recording the audio of the meeting. Barb was previously described as looking frail, more "gone" than usual, and growing facial hair.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387/page-48#post-9991909</ref> Barb seemed to be confused when asked about where her son was while [[Clover and Snoopy|Clover]] howled at the door.

The video was then posted to the r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ps1foq/i_went_to_chris_chans_house_and_met_barb/</ref> but the original video was taken down before being mirrored.

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = I went to Chis Chan's house and met Barb...
| ytid = 6cd_VfIhRBg
| stardate = [[September 2021]]
}}

===Transcript===
[dog whimpering throughout the video]

'''Woman''': Hey. Um, I was just wondering if Chris was home.

'''Woman''': I was just wondering if Chris was home.

'''Barbara''': [unintelligible]

'''Woman''': Yeah, is Chris home?

'''Barbara''': I do not understand.

'''Woman''': My- My friend Chris, I was just wondering if Chris was here.

'''Barbara''': No.

'''Woman''': Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry to bother.

==See also==
*[[True and Loyal Fanbase]]

==Reference==
<references/>

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Prank calls

2021-08-13T11:03:27Z

282128332: /* Bob Calls Himself */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
|}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Death Note, Shaman King, Vampire Knight, Love Hina, Negima, Marty Bob? There's a whole load of this, what do you like?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please don't hang up, We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
|}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|5IFtCJi8gMI}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
|}

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'''Part 2:'''
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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
|}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of unfunny [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris. Due to their unoriginality, all they could think of was yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and roasts them.

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispering''] Fucking pick up, piece of shit!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Troll 2:''' [''overlapping''] Juliiiie!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''Barb is heard in the background; after a little bit he hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible chattering''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
|}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
|}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
|}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, listen, I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
|}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob (which, years later, was revealed to be [[Jack Z]], after he admitted it in his [http://archive.vn/0giZa#selection-2095.0-2095.69 Kiwi Farms thread]), calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
|}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
|}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
|}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and (less plausibly) that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83-year-old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
|}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
|}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occurred not long before it was uploaded.

<center>
{{#ev:archiveorg|i-call-bob-chandler-and-chris-chan}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
|}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|n-R-notFGdY}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
|}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|VnDPXiPCPos}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=

'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 }}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|-1h7PgNy64I}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

==Chris Chan calls Time-Life==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|D0wD-XYm6_M}}</center>
{{Transcript}}

=="The many Prank Calls of Chris Chan"==
In this series of calls, another gaggle of weens repeatedly call Chris under the guise of wanting to conduct an interview with him. Chris goes along with it at first, but quickly hangs up after one of the trolls brings up his sex tapes. After three more failed attempts at calling him, which end with Chris pretending to get feedback, wittering on about how he is STRAIGHT, and quickly hanging up, respectively, he continues on with a call at the very end, when one of the weens poses as a fan named Avril/Lily. "Avril" manages to secure a time and date for the "interview", which never ended up happening.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2IgU5Nl1Z1c}}</center>
{{Quote|It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual!|Chris. He ''did'' say we can quote him on that.}}
{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris unintentionally''] Well, you guys are, like, bad...
'''Chris:''' Hello? [''pause''] Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Yeah.
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Who is this?
'''Chris:''' Uh.....I should be asking that question.
'''Troll #1:''' You're Chris-Chan, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' Uh-huuuh.
'''Troll #2:''' Wait, you ''are'' Chris-Chan?
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, really?
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, hello there.
'''Chris:''' Yes--
'''Troll #1:''' You're the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' You have, like, a high amount of autism, don't you?
'''Chris:''' Uh, what?
'''Troll #2:''' [''talking over Chris''] Eh, don't worry, I have autism too, I...just...
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris-Chan, we just want a word with you. Um, what was your inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I can't quite--I did not quite understand that, I got my mind on other things as well at the moment.
'''Troll #1:''' Well, mm-mm--well, anyways, Chris-Chan, what was your biggest inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' Hmm...oh, wa--oh so many things that I can't really say off the top of my head right now.
'''Troll #1:''' Isn't it a conversion of S-uh, Pokémon and Sonic, correct?
'''Chris:''' It's--that is one thing, yes, but there are so many other things as well.
'''Troll #1:''' [''blowing the call almost immediately''] And you make sex tapes. [''chuckles'']
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, don't you go and do that! Idiot.
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, sorry...
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit...
[''Chris hangs up, and after a few seconds of silence the default Skype hangup sound is heard'']
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit, Leonard(?), you went a little too far.
'''Troll #3:''' You blew it.....you blew it! At least we knew something. Right?
'''Troll #2:''' Mmmhmm.
'''Troll #3:''' Rrrrright?
'''Troll #2:''' Right.
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hey, [[Kim]]! [''pause''] Kim? ...hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Christian?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Troll #1:''' Uhhhhh, well, we--a bunch of people, my friends, we both, uh, decided to interview you if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' [''poorly imitating feedback''] Ah-kk-kkkk-I-kkkk-can't-kkkk-hear-kkkk-going-kkkk-through-kkkk-the-kkkk-ground, uhhh, ugh-kkkk-talk to you...guys...later! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' Uhh...i-it won't be...''that douchebag!'' Where--
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Hello, Chris-Chan, my name is John Speed. I'm one of your biggest fans and I wanna know if I can do an interview with you?
'''Chris:''' I will answer one question, and that will be: I AM STRAIGHT.
'''Troll #1:''' That's--
'''Chris:''' The--I only made that video as a ''mockery'', as a slanderous mockery, like is it--it was done in ''[[Monty Python]] Flying Circus'', except now it--now, '''it's'''..."''Really Stupid Flying Jackass''"!
'''Troll #1:''' [''tries talking, is continually interrupted'']
'''Chris:''' So, that's what--so, that was basically the premise of that video, and I'm about to make an announcement video, cons--to, uh, emphasize that, I was going--I was going with the direct, uh--direction of ''stupid''...in the, duh, ih, the definition of "stupid" then referring to the word GEHHHHH! EHH! It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that! You can QUOTE me on that! Bye-bye.
'''Troll #1:''' .....FUCK!
'''Troll #3:''' Uh, the contrary(?)...
'''Troll #1:''' Fail number three. [''sarcastic applause''] Thaaaaat's it. We can't call him.
[''they nevertheless call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #3:''' Hello, Chris-Chan! ['''Chris:''' ...goodbye!] Or, can I say, father?
'''Troll #1:''' YOU GOT PWNED BY CHRIS-CHAN! [''the other trolls laugh'']
'''Troll #3:''' ''What?''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris-Chan pwned!
'''Troll #3:''' Really, what? Since when has Chris-Chan been--
[''they call him one last time'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Troll:''' Hello, um, is this Christian Weston Chandler?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, um, I'm sorry we've never been properly introduced here, uh, my name is, um, Avril. See, my-my real name is Lily, but my, uh, my screenname on the internet is "Avril the Hedgehog", and I'm from a, uh, a small, close-knit Sonic community and we would like to conduct a phone interview with you if you d-if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' Well, uh, uh--I would not mind but I'm busy at the moment, so, perhaps another time?
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, well, tell me whatever time's best for you and I will contact you then, I will patch you in for anytime you're available except for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be busy. But Monday or Tuesday is probably the best time for me.
'''Chris:''' I see, what will you be doing tomorrow?
'''Female Troll:''' Tomorrow, I have to do some stuff with my family, my, um, father's moving into a new house, I have to make sure everything is all checked out, so that's, I'm gonna be out of the house all day, I'm going to be very, very busy. Real estate, y'know.
'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, uh, did you say Tuesday was not good?
'''Female Troll:''' Tuesday's fine with me, I can do Tuesday.
'''Chris:''' A'ight, Tuesday night then.
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, Tuesday, what time?
'''Chris:''' About--about 9:00 Eastern.
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, that's wonderful, that's perfect for me, thank you very much, Chris.
'''Chris:''' Alright, what timezone do you live in?
'''Female Troll:''' I live in Eastern as well, so this is perfect for me.
'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, take care, be safe.
'''Female Troll:''' You too, thank you very very very much. Okay.</poem>
}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Prank calls

2021-08-13T11:01:24Z

282128332: /* Bob Calls Himself */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
|}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Death Note, Shaman King, Vampire Knight, Love Hina, Negima, Marty Bob? There's a whole load of this, what do you like?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please don't hang up, We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
|}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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'''Part 1:'''
{{#ev:youtube|5IFtCJi8gMI}}
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
|}

<center>
'''Part 2:'''
{{#ev:youtube|y47UPTphc58}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
|}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of unfunny [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris. Due to their unoriginality, all they could think of was yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and roasts them.

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{{#ev:youtube|O4mkAw9Be-k}}
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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispering''] Fucking pick up, piece of shit!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Troll 2:''' [''overlapping''] Juliiiie!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''Barb is heard in the background; after a little bit he hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible chattering''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
|}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|GMb4aeio7lY}}
</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
|}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
|}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
|}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob (which, years later, was revealed to be [[Jack Z]], after he admitted it in his [http://archive.vn/0giZa#selection-2095.0-2095.69 Kiwi Farms thread]), calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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|
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
|}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
|}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
|}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and (less plausibly) that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83-year-old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
|}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
|}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occurred not long before it was uploaded.

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''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
|}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|n-R-notFGdY}}</center>

{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
|}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:archiveorg|youtube-4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|VnDPXiPCPos}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=

'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 }}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|-1h7PgNy64I}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

==Chris Chan calls Time-Life==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|D0wD-XYm6_M}}</center>
{{Transcript}}

=="The many Prank Calls of Chris Chan"==
In this series of calls, another gaggle of weens repeatedly call Chris under the guise of wanting to conduct an interview with him. Chris goes along with it at first, but quickly hangs up after one of the trolls brings up his sex tapes. After three more failed attempts at calling him, which end with Chris pretending to get feedback, wittering on about how he is STRAIGHT, and quickly hanging up, respectively, he continues on with a call at the very end, when one of the weens poses as a fan named Avril/Lily. "Avril" manages to secure a time and date for the "interview", which never ended up happening.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2IgU5Nl1Z1c}}</center>
{{Quote|It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual!|Chris. He ''did'' say we can quote him on that.}}
{| role="presentation" class="wikitable mw-collapsible"
| Transcript
|-
|
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris unintentionally''] Well, you guys are, like, bad...
'''Chris:''' Hello? [''pause''] Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Yeah.
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #2:''' Who is this?
'''Chris:''' Uh.....I should be asking that question.
'''Troll #1:''' You're Chris-Chan, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' Uh-huuuh.
'''Troll #2:''' Wait, you ''are'' Chris-Chan?
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, really?
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, hello there.
'''Chris:''' Yes--
'''Troll #1:''' You're the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy, aren't you?
'''Chris:''' Yes.
'''Troll #1:''' You have, like, a high amount of autism, don't you?
'''Chris:''' Uh, what?
'''Troll #2:''' [''talking over Chris''] Eh, don't worry, I have autism too, I...just...
'''Troll #1:''' Hey, Chris-Chan, we just want a word with you. Um, what was your inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I can't quite--I did not quite understand that, I got my mind on other things as well at the moment.
'''Troll #1:''' Well, mm-mm--well, anyways, Chris-Chan, what was your biggest inspiration for ''Sonichu''?
'''Chris:''' Hmm...oh, wa--oh so many things that I can't really say off the top of my head right now.
'''Troll #1:''' Isn't it a conversion of S-uh, Pokémon and Sonic, correct?
'''Chris:''' It's--that is one thing, yes, but there are so many other things as well.
'''Troll #1:''' [''blowing the call almost immediately''] And you make sex tapes. [''chuckles'']
'''Troll #2:''' Oh, don't you go and do that! Idiot.
'''Troll #1:''' Oh, sorry...
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit...
[''Chris hangs up, and after a few seconds of silence the default Skype hangup sound is heard'']
'''Troll #2:''' Dammit, Leonard(?), you went a little too far.
'''Troll #3:''' You blew it.....you blew it! At least we knew something. Right?
'''Troll #2:''' Mmmhmm.
'''Troll #3:''' Rrrrright?
'''Troll #2:''' Right.
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hey, [[Kim]]! [''pause''] Kim? ...hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Christian?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Troll #1:''' Uhhhhh, well, we--a bunch of people, my friends, we both, uh, decided to interview you if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' [''poorly imitating feedback''] Ah-kk-kkkk-I-kkkk-can't-kkkk-hear-kkkk-going-kkkk-through-kkkk-the-kkkk-ground, uhhh, ugh-kkkk-talk to you...guys...later! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' Uhh...i-it won't be...''that douchebag!'' Where--
[''they call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' Hello, Chris-Chan, my name is John Speed. I'm one of your biggest fans and I wanna know if I can do an interview with you?
'''Chris:''' I will answer one question, and that will be: I AM STRAIGHT.
'''Troll #1:''' That's--
'''Chris:''' The--I only made that video as a ''mockery'', as a slanderous mockery, like is it--it was done in ''[[Monty Python]] Flying Circus'', except now it--now, '''it's'''..."''Really Stupid Flying Jackass''"!
'''Troll #1:''' [''tries talking, is continually interrupted'']
'''Chris:''' So, that's what--so, that was basically the premise of that video, and I'm about to make an announcement video, cons--to, uh, emphasize that, I was going--I was going with the direct, uh--direction of ''stupid''...in the, duh, ih, the definition of "stupid" then referring to the word GEHHHHH! EHH! It's okay to be stupid, but NOT homosexual, you can QUOTE me on that! You can QUOTE me on that! Bye-bye.
'''Troll #1:''' .....FUCK!
'''Troll #3:''' Uh, the contrary(?)...
'''Troll #1:''' Fail number three. [''sarcastic applause''] Thaaaaat's it. We can't call him.
[''they nevertheless call him again'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #3:''' Hello, Chris-Chan! ['''Chris:''' ...goodbye!] Or, can I say, father?
'''Troll #1:''' YOU GOT PWNED BY CHRIS-CHAN! [''the other trolls laugh'']
'''Troll #3:''' ''What?''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris-Chan pwned!
'''Troll #3:''' Really, what? Since when has Chris-Chan been--
[''they call him one last time'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Troll:''' Hello, um, is this Christian Weston Chandler?
'''Chris:''' Uh, yes, who is this?
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, um, I'm sorry we've never been properly introduced here, uh, my name is, um, Avril. See, my-my real name is Lily, but my, uh, my screenname on the internet is "Avril the Hedgehog", and I'm from a, uh, a small, close-knit Sonic community and we would like to conduct a phone interview with you if you d-if you don't mind.
'''Chris:''' Well, uh, uh--I would not mind but I'm busy at the moment, so, perhaps another time?
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, well, tell me whatever time's best for you and I will contact you then, I will patch you in for anytime you're available except for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be busy. But Monday or Tuesday is probably the best time for me.
'''Chris:''' I see, what will you be doing tomorrow?
'''Female Troll:''' Tomorrow, I have to do some stuff with my family, my, um, father's moving into a new house, I have to make sure everything is all checked out, so that's, I'm gonna be out of the house all day, I'm going to be very, very busy. Real estate, y'know.
'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, uh, did you say Tuesday was not good?
'''Female Troll:''' Tuesday's fine with me, I can do Tuesday.
'''Chris:''' A'ight, Tuesday night then.
'''Female Troll:''' Alright, Tuesday, what time?
'''Chris:''' About--about 9:00 Eastern.
'''Female Troll:''' Oh, that's wonderful, that's perfect for me, thank you very much, Chris.
'''Chris:''' Alright, what timezone do you live in?
'''Female Troll:''' I live in Eastern as well, so this is perfect for me.
'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, take care, be safe.
'''Female Troll:''' You too, thank you very very very much. Okay.</poem>
}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

COVID-19

2021-07-31T23:32:00Z

282128332: The 4.2 million (and counting) dead people say otherwise.

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Ongoing}}

{{quote|This Viral Event is actually a better step in our own developments and evolution, as well as a deity-level test to sort out the weak from the moderate and strong|Chris.<ref name=viral>[[March 2020 social media posts#Chris finally weighs in on the coronavirus pandemic]]</ref>}}
[[File:CWCorona.png|thumb|Coronavirus attacking C-197. Colorized]]
'''[[wikipedia:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]''' ('''Co'''rona'''vi'''rus '''D'''isease 20'''19'''), caused by a virus officially named '''SARS-CoV-2''' and colloquially referred to simply as '''coronavirus''', is a fast-spreading disease responsible for the largest pandemic of the 21st century thus far, infecting millions of Americans and even [[Pmurt|the 45th President of the United States]]. It has prompted governments to recommend stricter [[ShowerClean|sanitation routines]]; and to encourage social distancing practices, such as [[BACK THE FUCK OFF|staying six feet (2 meters) apart]], [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|wearing masks]] when going out, and only keeping essential services open – which, to the dismay of [[Chris]], doesn't include conventions.

In [[March 2020]], in the midst of the pandemic, Chris exhibited a juvenile attitude to the nature of the disease and the [[Chris and health|body's own workings]]. He believes learning about the symptoms would [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally tire]] him which would put him at a higher risk of contracting the virus.<ref name=viral></ref> Later that month, he endorsed watching the [[anime]] series ''[[wikipedia:Cells at Work!|Cells at Work!]]'' to build one's resistance.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#watch anime to kill coronavirus]], 22 March 2020</ref> This anime depicts cells - specifically those of the blood and immune system - as people, and is based on anatomical and hematologic science, but with obvious artistic license taken considering the way the series is portrayed. Given Chris's views on [[OCs]], it would appear that he believes ''Cells at Work!'' to be a direct, literal depiction of what goes on in his body.

Chris and [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] became fully vaccinated in [[May 2021]].<ref>[[May 2021 social media posts#Chris gets vaccinated]]</ref> As of July 2021, over half of the United States has been fully vaccinated and things are slowly returning to a state of normalcy – including [[List of conventions attended by Chris|''My Little Pony'' conventions]] – but the pandemic is still a significant risk to the unvaccinated, particularly with new strains surfacing.

==Impact on Chris's fantasies==
[[File:Coronachu.png|thumb|This is what Chris probably believes.]]
On 28 March, Chris claimed the pandemic to be a sign of the [[Dimensional Merge]] and that COVID-19 was cured weeks ago in his fantasy world. Chris also claimed that ''[[My Little Pony]]'' characters were working to stop the pandemic problems in the real world.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#COVID-19 a sign of Dimensional Merge]]</ref> This disease had also made its way to [[CWCville]] in [[Dimensions#C-197|C-197]] and some neighboring dimensions, but was somehow cured in all of them by mid April 2020. (Chris would eventually state that in his fantasy land, the "Devil's Breath" virus released by Doctor Octopus in the 2018 ''{{w|Spider-Man (2018 video game)|Spider-Man}}'' video game was analogous to COVID-19's spread in the real world. Given that the virus is dealt with fairly quickly in-game after the outbreak, this could be in-line with Chris's timeline, even if the game is set in the Autumn rather than Winter/Spring.)<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#Bodyswap announcement]]</ref>

Chris's beliefs in how COVID-19 factors into the Dimensional Merge is also incredibly contradictory. Chris has claimed that this pandemic is a part of the convergence as a way of [[Dimensional Merge#Beliefs on the Merge|evening out the population]] on both sides of the iron curtain before it can occur. He says this virus [[Nazis|will help remove those who are]] [[Honor roll|mentally]] and [[I AM STRONG|physically]] weak. However, he also claims that [[Chris and reality|he will use time travel to undo the pandemic in our timeline]] so he can attend [[BABSCon|BABSCon 2020]], which directly contradicts his own stated beliefs in the Dimensional Merge saying that everyone who dies will make the process easier.

Furthermore, his statement that he used a [[Spirit possession|"body swap"]] to attend BABSCon 2020 in C-197 makes the entire idea of Chris time-travelling and saving millions from contracting the Coronavirus and hundreds of thousands dying entirely irreconcilable with the idea that all of the people that died needed to for the Dimensional Merge to happen; after all, why bother with all that death and Merge preparation if he's just going to set things back by time travelling to create a new timeline where the event was never cancelled? On top of that, the idea that the people who die in Dimension 1218 as a result of the Merge being resurrected in Dimension C-197 does nothing to "thin the herd", and thus the oncoming world's populace would suffer from overpopulation problems after the Merge.

Chris, of course, conveniently ignores these issues because [[Mathematics|he can't put two and two together]], because [[Chris and writing|he just can't keep his shitty narrative straight]]. These inconsistencies reveal that this entire diatribe, down to Chris pretending to be his own fictional character for more than half a year, is nothing more than an elaborate [[Chris and coping|coping mechanism]] where he can create a scenario in his mind that allows him to go to a convention that got cancelled instead of just ''imagining'' that he did in his fantasy world. Eventually, he got bored of pretending to be Sonichu and reverted to being himself in February 2021; he continues to believe that the Merge is coming, although he's seemingly come to terms with the fact that the 2020 and 2021 iterations of BABScon are not coming.

[[Weens]] and [[A-Log]]s have tried to [[August_2020_social_media_posts#Very_Distant_alt-timeline|crowbar]] a more severe outbreak into C-197, with one known attempt using the Corona-Chan meme, but Chris has so far dismissed them as taking place in yet more alternate dimensions. However, since {{w|roleplaying|roleplay}} writers do not have to include the pandemic in their universes for any reason, Chris could have just said that COVID-19 simply did not happen in C-197, and that would have been it.

===Stopping the pandemic===
[[Spirit_possession#Sonichu|Sonichu, in Chris's body]] has a plan to stop the pandemic, by going [[Chris and reality|back in time]] and undoing it. His intent to do so was announced in an address to the Official CWCki [[Discord]] server on 12 August 2020:<ref>[[Discord#CWCki_Server]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Hello, @everyone. I have something to tell all of you: in regard to everything that has happened and are happening in regard to not only the Dimension Merge, but also in that I am to get this body into C-197 and to Cwcville, and the greater details beyond that that involve me going back in time and undoing this pandemic from ever happening. I wish to make it very direct and clear that this is very sincere and serious, and when talking with me about it, it is not at all to be in humoring anyone. And I am very well aware of the percentage of those who think it a joke when it clearly is not at all. In other words, to talk with me means to talk with sincerity and full acceptance of the situations. I will not accept or tolerate [[Chris and work|Neet behaviour]], or any disingenuous mentality and intentions.}}

When answering a user's question about this vague plan the next day, "Sonichu" reiterated that undoing the pandemic was the main objective, and that there were currently no plans to change other past events.<ref>[[Discord#Answering_Mailbag_in_Cwcki_server]]</ref>

The plan was briefly referenced again in the [[September 2020 Watchmen leaks#Debt hearing, toys, Merge|2 September 2020 Watchmen leak]], where "Sonichu" said it would be enacted after Chris's body fully unlocks all necessary [[Messiah complex|abilities and powers]].

Further details, such as how this time-travel plan will be implemented, are currently unknown, perhaps even to Chris.

Notably, preventing COVID-19 would fulfill Chris' [[September_2019_social_media_posts#Yet_another_brony_convention|prophecy]] that he will attend BABSCon 2020.

==Impact on Chris IRL==
Due to COVID-19 being declared a global pandemic in early 2020, multiple rules came into effect, including but not limited to shutting down of all non-essential services. Though the definition of essential was very vague in the USA, conventions were labelled non-essential and were not allowed to open. This [[Stress|stressed]] our autistic hero as he could no longer go the places that had (somewhat) accepted him.

Chris couldn't deal with the cancellation of the one place where he found people who liked the same things he did and as a [[Chris and coping|coping mechanism]] declared that Sonichu has taken over his body and his soul has left for CWCville to attend BABScon.<ref>[[April 2020 social media posts#Chris body swaps with Sonichu to cope with missing BABScon]]</ref> Despite social distancing having been enforced in Virginia, this didn't stop Chris [[Spirit possession|(as Sonichu)]] attending the [[Leftovermedia]] livestream with [[Weening|ween]] Noah and the musician Max Mandu, footage from the livestream clearly showing that social distancing wasn't in place.

Chris also said that a vaccine would be developed within two weeks from mid-March, suggesting that all his knowledge about epidemics comes from ''[[Chris and reality|Plague Inc.]]'' and games like it. He then went on to say that we have not applied what we have learnt from past epidemics to this one. During the SARS and MERS epidemics, we were not able to create a vaccine 3 months after they were detected, thereby proving how [[naïve]] he is.

==Spending==
===Support for artists===
[[File:Bottlecaps.jpg|thumb|150px|Unlike Chris's finances, the hoard keeps increasing]]

Instead of paying [[Financhu Crisis|his mortgage or various loans]], Chris [[Chris and money|decided]] that he will be buying all the garbage that other Bronies have for sale online.<ref>[[April 2020 social media posts#Sonichu spends money]]</ref> He begged his audience to buy his cards and comics so he can then give that money to Bronycon artists. When people called him out for this, he said the cancellation of Bronycon left these people with no source of income and that he was a helpful[[Chris and escapism| <s>person</s> Sonichu]] for buying their trinkets.<ref>[[April 2020 social media posts#Money well spent]]</ref>
Chris probably doesn't actually care about the artists and just wanted all their products and gave his stupid reason to justify wasting money.
{{Clear}}

===Stimulus check===
[[File:Chrisnewtablet.jpg|thumb|200px|Notice the charging cable held together using tape and velcro. [[2014 house fire|History might repeat itself.]]]]

On 29 May, Chris purchased an iPad, stylus, and subscription to Clipstudio to draw art digitally, using money from the Economic Impact Payment [[Monthly tugboat|stimulus money]] sent out by the [[Pmurt]] administration.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1266470207717072898</ref> Chris complained about how difficult the software was to use.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1266470865459429378</ref>
It is to be noted that Chris thinks this money came from Trump's wallet and not the Federal reserve.
{| class=“wikitable“
|-
!Item
!Price
!Balance
|-
|Apple iPad pro 9.7 inch 32GB<ref>[[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#Watching_TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_3|TF2 Analysis Anarchy Red Vs Blue Part 3]]</ref>
|$500
|$700
|-
|Adonit Pro 4 stylus
|$30
|$670
|-
|Bluetooth keyboard
|$20
|$650
|-
|Screen protector
|$10
|$640
|-
|}

==Vaccination==
{{quote|This [[14 Branchland Court|Temple]]’s occupants are now Fully #VAXXED to the Extreme!|Chris<ref name=vaccine>[[May 2021 social media posts#Chris gets vaccinated]]</ref>}}

[[File:May19VaccinePhoto.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris displaying his vaccination card.]]

Chris received two doses of the Pfizer vaccine - first on 28 April 2021 and second on 17 May 2021. To identify himself as among those being fully vaxxed, he laminated his vaccination card with shipping tape and put it on a [[BronyCon]] lanyard to wear around his neck.<ref name=vaccine2>[[May 2021 social media posts#Vaccine card]]</ref>

[[Barbara]] was also fully vaccinated, receiving her second shot on 28 April.<ref name=vaccine></ref> Chris laminated her vaccine card with shipping tape as well and attached it to her purse.<ref name=vaccine2>[[May 2021 social media posts#Vaccine card]]</ref>

{{clear}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[BABSCon]]
*[[Chris and health]]

== External links ==

* [https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019 TRUE and HONEST] information about COVID-19

{{Health}}
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Politics]]

Tour of Chris's House

2019-09-27T23:44:11Z

282128332: /* Transcript */

{{Articleofthenow}}

The '''Tour of [[Chris]]'s [[14 Branchland Court|House]]''' consists of two videos, both uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], in which Chris provides a tour of his house and property. Such a video had been requested by both [[BlueSpike|Julie]]<ref>[[IRC (15 December 2008)]]</ref> and [[Ivy]].<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> Like his own room, Chris's entire house is filled with junk; several rooms are so cluttered Chris cannot enter them,

Sometime in late [[August 2009]], Chris's parents found out about the video. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Hilarity (and tard rage) ensued]].

==Inside==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tour of Chris's House - Inside
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Y_kcgnwfoBQ}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| stardate = 27 [[March 2009]]
| previous = [[CWC_Major_Update_26_March_2009#Video|CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]
| next = [[#Outside|Tour of Chris's House - Outside]]
}}

{{quote|My family is a bunch of pack rats...|Chris utters the understatement of the century.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Video begins with him immediately dropping the camera, which lands pointing at an empty wall behind a stack of junk.''] Oh. [''grunts and strains with effort to move things around off-screen. [[wikipedia:Natalie Imbruglia|Natalie Imbruglia]]'s "[[wikipedia:Torn (Ednaswap song)|Torn]]" plays in the background for a while before he finally picks the camera up''] Still recording?!

[''starts tour''] I’d say, well, that was the, uh...craft room. I have to fix the door. Um...here’s a bathroom. [[April 16 Fetish Vids|I take my shower in here often]]. Uh...use some...[[Axe]] and...Head & Shoulders. Bathroom sink...and a commode.

Got a card t-table there...that I, uh, would sometimes set up when I wanna...play [[card games|cards]] in my room or something...or when I wanna do some work.

The kitchen. Well, uh, just decided to leave the tree up, w-without the, uh, star on top. Yeah, it-, it’s a bit of a mess. But at least we’ve got enough room to warm up a [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|pizza]] or wash dishes. All that good stuff. The bare essentials.

And...this was...the living room. Again: before we...cluttered it up with so much mess.

And...go downstairs. Here’s the front door.

Goin’ outside. See some of it.

Here’s [[Chandler Cats#Kitty Chandler|Kitty]]. [''uses a baby-talk voice''] Hello, Kittyyy! What ya lookin’ at? Kitty, Kitty! Hello, Kitty, Kitty! Pretty!

Mmm...go downstairs further.

This would be the music room. Again: before it got cluttered. But now, my mom sleeps in here often. Yep.

[''An episode of what appears to be'' [[wikipedia:Dr. Phil|Dr. Phil]] ''is playing in the background; Chris sighs loudly in a tone of despair''] My family is a bunch of pack rats...mmm...downstairs bathroom. Not much goin' on in here.

And then, another hallway.

The utility room. There’s a...washer and dryer...[''The [[Chris and fashion|"Classic" red and blue striped shirt]] can be seen''] and a hallway right outside...the door.

[''speaks in whispers''] This was the family room, before it got cluttered and stuff.

Hi, [[Bob|Pop]]!

[''Bob says "Hello, my son!"'']

What’cha up to?

[''Bob replies "Goin' to pee."'']

Okay. Get on outta here!

[''Bob says something that’s unintelligible'']

Okay!

And...nowadays, the family room’s just basically used for...my dad viewing television...uh, a little bit of comfort. And...he sleeps alone on that bed over there. [''shakes camera, then stops recording abruptly'']

==Outside==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tour of Chris's House - Outside
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5djt5DTGnlE}}
| stardate = 27 [[March 2009]]
| previous = [[#Inside|Tour of Chris's House - Inside]]
| next = [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009#Video|CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]
}}
{{quote|Got bats in our belfry.}}

=== Transcript ===

Alright. So, we’ve seen the inside, so… let’s take a look outside and...[''uses a baby-talk voice with his cat''] ''let the kitty come in!'' She wants to come in! Huh, Kitty? [''Kitty comes inside as Chris heads outside''] See ya later!

Yep. Some of the front yard. Uh, it’s...a bit of a cloudy day.

[''groans weakly''] A branch hit my ear.

This is the front of the house.

[''exhales loudly''] This would be my father’s, some of my father’s ''day lily garden''. More beautiful...during the ''summertime'', but the flowers have not yet bloomed.

Uh...my father’s...garden shed. He comes out here and listens to, uh, music on ''warm days''. Got all that good stuff in there. Got a swing in there. A swing.

Uh, ''a'' side of the house. Got bats in our belfry.

We got more stuff around here.

There’s an arboretum.

Uh, that would be the workshop. Uh, again: or, at least it used to be a workshop before...the inside got cluttered with...more junk.

And...more flower beds look bare in the summer time.

We have a ''hill''. It’s a hill. How would you say “a hill”? It’s a hill!

Uh… can’t see the front of the, uh, the front door...of the, uh, workshop clearly because it’s ''cluttered''.

This is the back of the house. Gotta have a back porch. That’s cluttered, too.

That’s our, uh...''gazebo''.

I just tripped over a ''branch''.

[''sighs''] I could see it better if we didn’t have so many ''trees!''

This is Patty’s ''pen''. My dog. Yeah, God rest her soul, God...''bless'' her soul.

Down here a little bit. Yeah, we buried her right there next to the gazebo! And...there’s her doghouse! Yeah, this branch...fell down from...that tree. Uh...it’s too heavy to pick up.

That would be the, uh, ''back door''...but, that door’s cluttered with stuff, so we can’t go in ''that'' way.

There-, there’s a tractor. And...''cars''.

And, uh...''oh, yeah''...there’s the, uh, arch where I sat down and...did that fun little picture of me and Patti sitting together.

Is that our cat? Hi, [[Chandler_Cats#Scamper_Chandler|Scamper]]! What’chu doin’ over there?

[''uses a baby-talk voice with his cats'']

Yeah. There’s [[Chandler_Cats#Lucy_Chandler|Lucy]]. Hi, Lucy.

Yeah. Hi, buddy! What’cha up to?

Hi, Lucy! Lucy, Lucy! Pretty baby!

Hi, buddy! Just wandering about, aren’t you? Yeah.

[''switches back to his normal voice'']

And, uh, in the distance there, that’s...our ''mailbox''.

Just an ''old'' mailbox. It’s painted, but...it lost the paint due to weather.

Anyway, that’s our house! Hope you enjoyed, uh, a little bit of a ''tour''. Have a good day.

And, uh, unless you’re invited, ''unless'' you’re invited, ''no trespassing''.

Again: that’s our house.

==See also==
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]
*[[Tour of Chris's House II]]
*[[Tour of Chris's House III]]

==References==
<references/>
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]|}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Videos with Camera Abuse]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2009| 2009-03-27]]
[[Category:Chris's house]]

29 September 2009

2019-09-26T15:48:08Z

282128332: /* Transcript */

"'''29 September 2009'''" (officially "'''09292009'''") focuses on [[Chris]]'s claims of a "Director's Cut" version of the [[DVD]]. He also claims [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Clyde Cash]] to be one and the same, and reiterates it several times in case the viewers are as dense as he is.

He's not dressed in one of his [[Chris and fashion|usual shirts]] in this video, and he doesn't seem used to the lack of a collar because he keeps bunching the shirt up to keep the [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]]'s band off of his neck. Given the shirt, the sweating, the messy hair, the wavering voice, and that this took place when Chris was in contact with [[Kacey]], it's possible that Chris had just returned from a jog when he made the video. [[Chris and health|And was about ready to pass out]].

'''Official description:''' [none]

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 29 September 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YqeuNGP08WA}}
| stardate = 29 [[September 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| previous = [[25 September 2009]]
| next = [[9 October 2009]]
}}
{{quote|Y'all didn't get as much as ya got, ya dang, dirty trolls!}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's log]], Stardate: [[September 2009|September 29, 2009]].

[''adjusts glasses''] Let's get a few things straight here. Hmm. I, uh, would like to, ah, propose and puf- move forward the supposed copyright stealing which I am here to prove that it is false, because, you know, that is only an image; you can type anything in, make it look like whatever in Photoshop. And, also, this Gregg Mays, I know for a fact that this guy is [[Clyde Cash]], or the past character of Clyde Cash, because Clyde Cash used the [''cleans his forehead with the shirt he is wearing''] "GreggMays@gmail.com" email address to pretend to be a Gregg Mays to—of [[Nintendo|some sort of video game company]] or something... but he later admitted that he was Clyde Cash!

But, anyway, I dis- I did my web searches and all that of Clyde Cash and Gregg Mays. Other than the, uh, fake pictures and whatnot, there is no record whatsoever of this [''removes his glasses''] Gregg Mays or Clyde Cash. I even, on any of any of the, uh, addresses or birth dates that they provided... [''puts glasses back''] that this guy has provided in any form or matter, from when h-, I think from communication or hacking or whatever, this G- Gregg Mays and Clyde Cash—this guy has been acting as either one of those guys. Gregg Mays and Clyde Cash were b-are and were both fake. They're nonexistent. Just like in the acti-just like in-o-on the TV sh- on the, just like TV actors and I-I like these, uh, these following people. But just like, Gregg Mays and Clyde Cash—they're about as fake and fictional as [[Wikipedia:Elaine Benes|Elaine Benes]] from ''[[Seinfeld]]'', [[Wikipedia:Chandler Bing|Chandler]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Friends|Friends]]'', or [[Wikipedia:Monica Geller|Monica]] from ''Friends'', or [[Wikipedia:Phoebe Buffet|Phoebe]]! Or even Archie Bunker from ''All in the Family'', Fred Sanford on ''Sanford and Son'', and George Jefferson on ''The [[Niggos|Jeffersons]]''. I would like to reiterate that I like those actors and, and the characters they portray... but I- I mean I have yet to see this guy [''cleans sweat from his forehead''] actually show his face in real life ever, sh-showing off ''his'' photo ID with ''his'' name, either be-, either being "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash" or whatever—whatever his real name is, the one that his mother gave to him at birth.

And I even throw in the question about him ever actually going out to Australia and having his forced way with my past [[PandaHalo|Australian gal pal]] who died in the Australian brush fires. I mean, there's—if this guy never existed, he never went to Australia. Even [[Robert Simmons V|Robert Simmons]] claimed to have gone there and witnessed the whole thing, and he was a proven troll! So, therefore, I '''fur'''—I further emphasize the fact that this Gregg Mays is a fake, a fraud, a phony!

And I even come at—he just hides behind his mother's skirt, [''removes glasses''] would never dare to show his real life face, or show who he actually was. And I actually question his relation to the bee-yotch troll, [[Vivian Gee]]! I question that.
[[Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|thumb|right|Cover and contents of the ''Directors Cut''.]]
[''leans forward, to grab a [[DVD]] case''] Oh, and another thing—about as fake as every last one of those supposed pieces of merchandise on that quote/unquote Sonichu store. Even a DVD! I have heard rumors about even past vicious content being copied on the [[DVD]], aside from the printed list on the back of the DVD. And you know what? You got less than what you bargained for, the first guy who got a copy of my DVD! Even though all that stuff was real, I have the director's cut: the one and only director's cut. And how it differs from the distributed copies: only the director's cut has the [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|videos from my]] [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004|family's Christmas]], [[2004]], age 22, December 25, 2004. And, also, even the first PS—[[Pixelated PS3]] attempts, where I had the [''grabs his PS3 with his left hand''] [[Lego]] PS3—Lego/Pixelblock PS3—and actually had it hooked up a, um, thing—a makeshift Lego PSP to PS2 to USB connector, you know, like, uh, to connect a PS2 controller to a PS3 console. And I hooked up my [[Guitar Hero]], my PS2 [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] to it, and actually played "Thunderhorse". While this was shown, I was actually playing on my original PS2.

That and more photographs, more stuff in the slide show differs from the distributed copies that were [''cleans forehead again''] distributed amongst family and whatever, and what this guy got... is only on the director's cut. Read for yourself! Read it for yourself. Title 11: "The Family Christmas", and title 13: "The First PS3 Attempts". Look on the back of the, uh, distributed DVD! You'll see what I'm talking about. And you know what? It don't even have that nice little label on it... or the list of family members and relatives! Or even the horoscope from my 25th birthday, February 24, 2007.

'''So'''... y'all didn't get as much as ya got, ya dang, dirty trolls. Y'all didn't get all the stuff that was originally on the DVD, [''adjusts his shirt's collar, so that the Medallion's chain can't touch him''] 'cause you did not get the director's cut. So, anyway, Sonichu's copyright is still mine. It's still mine, and I have officially registered it! And I reiterate, this Gregg Mays—Clyde Cash—whoever he is, he is a fake! I dare him—I challenge this individual... who plays these characters... to actually come out to [''cleans forehead''] my home address and show and reveal and show hims—and prove himself to me, whoever he is. And I know it's the same guy, 'cause I heard his voice recently over the telephone and recognized it from the past times when I talked to quote/unquote Clyde Cash on the phone. That high pitched, drunk, whiny, nasally... voice of his! That same God damn voice... I remember it so well.

Alright, well, anyway, I'll leave you with all that, and I am still drawing the pages for the ''Number 9'' book, and I am working on the ''Number 10'' book, as well. Only from me, Christian Weston Chandler (birth name [[Christopher's name change|"Christopher"]]) of [[Ruckersville]], Viriginia, USA! And, also, I would like to reference the public disclaimer video also on my You—on this, my ori—my offish d—on my official [[YouTube]] account, and everything Sonichu and Rosechu officially is on the [[CWCipedia]], AKA... "The Original CWC's Sonichu Site", also known as "Sonichu and Rosechu Site". All other websites (aside from this YouTube and the CWCipedia) are false! Peace out, and have a safe day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[25 September 2009]]|nextlink=[[9 October 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-29]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-09-29]]

29 September 2009

2019-09-26T15:45:09Z

282128332: /* Transcript */

"'''29 September 2009'''" (officially "'''09292009'''") focuses on [[Chris]]'s claims of a "Director's Cut" version of the [[DVD]]. He also claims [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Clyde Cash]] to be one and the same, and reiterates it several times in case the viewers are as dense as he is.

He's not dressed in one of his [[Chris and fashion|usual shirts]] in this video, and he doesn't seem used to the lack of a collar because he keeps bunching the shirt up to keep the [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]]'s band off of his neck. Given the shirt, the sweating, the messy hair, the wavering voice, and that this took place when Chris was in contact with [[Kacey]], it's possible that Chris had just returned from a jog when he made the video. [[Chris and health|And was about ready to pass out]].

'''Official description:''' [none]

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 29 September 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YqeuNGP08WA}}
| stardate = 29 [[September 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| previous = [[25 September 2009]]
| next = [[9 October 2009]]
}}
{{quote|Y'all didn't get as much as ya got, ya dang, dirty trolls!}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's log]], Stardate: [[September 2009|September 29, 2009]].

[''adjusts glasses''] Let's get a few things straight here. Hmm. I, uh, would like to, ah, propose and puf- move forward the supposed copyright stealing which I am here to prove that it is false, because, you know, that is only an image; you can type anything in, make it look like whatever in Photoshop. And, also, this Gregg Mays, I know for a fact that this guy is [[Clyde Cash]], or the past character of Clyde Cash, because Clyde Cash used the [''cleans his forehead with the shirt he is wearing''] "GreggMays@gmail.com" email address to pretend to be a Gregg Mays to—of [[Nintendo|some sort of video game company]] or something... but he later admitted that he was Clyde Cash!

But, anyway, I dis- I did my web searches and all that of Clyde Cash and Gregg Mays. Other than the, uh, fake pictures and whatnot, there is no record whatsoever of this [''removes his glasses''] Gregg Mays or Clyde Cash. I even, on any of any of the, uh, addresses or birth dates that they provided... [''puts glasses back''] that this guy has provided in any form or matter, from when h-, I think from communication or hacking or whatever, this G- Gregg Mays and Clyde Cash—this guy has been acting as either one of those guys. Gregg Mays and Clyde Cash were b-are and were both fake. They're nonexistent. Just like in the acti-just like in-o-on the TV sh- on the, just like TV actors and I-I like these, uh, these following people. But just like, Gregg Mays and Clyde Cash—they're about as fake and fictional as [[Wikipedia:Elaine Benes|Elaine Benes]] from ''[[Seinfeld]]'', [[Wikipedia:Chandler Bing|Chandler]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Friends|Friends]]'', or [[Wikipedia:Monica Geller|Monica]] from ''Friends'', or [[Wikipedia:Phoebe Buffet|Phoebe]]! Or even Archie Bunker from ''All in the Family'', Fred Sanford on ''Sanford and Son'', and George Jefferson on ''The [[Niggos|Jeffersons]]''. I would like to reiterate that I like those actors and, and the characters they portray... but I- I mean I have yet to see this guy [''cleans sweat from his forehead''] actually show his face in real life ever, sh-showing off ''his'' photo ID with ''his'' name, either be-, either being "Gregg Mays" or "Clyde Cash" or whatever—whatever his real name is, the one that his mother gave to him at birth.

And I even throw in the question about him ever actually going out to Australia and having his forced way with my past [[PandaHalo|Australian gal pal]] who died in the Australian brush fires. I mean, there's—if this guy never existed, he never went to Australia. Even [[Robert Simmons V|Robert Simmons]] claimed to have gone there and witnessed the whole thing, and he was a proven troll! So, therefore, I '''fur'''—I further emphasize the fact that this Gregg Mays is a fake, a fraud, a phony!

And I even come at—he just hides behind his mother's skirt, [''removes glasses''] would never dare to show his real life face, or show who he actually was. And I actually question his relation to the bee-yotch troll, [[Vivian Gee]]! I question that.
[[Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|thumb|right|Cover and contents of the ''Directors Cut''.]]
[''leans forward, to grab a [[DVD]] case''] Oh, and another thing—about as fake as every last one of those supposed pieces of merchandise on that quote/unquote Sonichu store. Even a DVD! I have heard rumors about even past vicious content being copied on the [[DVD]], aside from the printed list on the back of the DVD. And you know what? You got less than what you bargained for, the first guy who got a copy of my DVD! Even though all that stuff was real, I have the director's cut: the one and only director's cut. And how it differs from the distributed copies: only the director's cut has the videos from my family's Christmas, [[2004]], age 22, December 25, 2004. And, also, even the first PS—[[Pixelated PS3]] attempts, where I had the [''grabs his PS3 with his left hand''] [[Lego]] PS3—Lego/Pixelblock PS3—and actually had it hooked up a, um, thing—a makeshift Lego PSP to PS2 to USB connector, you know, like, uh, to connect a PS2 controller to a PS3 console. And I hooked up my [[Guitar Hero]], my PS2 [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] to it, and actually played "Thunderhorse". While this was shown, I was actually playing on my original PS2.

That and more photographs, more stuff in the slide show differs from the distributed copies that were [''cleans forehead again''] distributed amongst family and whatever, and what this guy got... is only on the director's cut. Read for yourself! Read it for yourself. Title 11: "The Family Christmas", and title 13: "The First PS3 Attempts". Look on the back of the, uh, distributed DVD! You'll see what I'm talking about. And you know what? It don't even have that nice little label on it... or the list of family members and relatives! Or even the horoscope from my 25th birthday, February 24, 2007.

'''So'''... y'all didn't get as much as ya got, ya dang, dirty trolls. Y'all didn't get all the stuff that was originally on the DVD, [''adjusts his shirt's collar, so that the Medallion's chain can't touch him''] 'cause you did not get the director's cut. So, anyway, Sonichu's copyright is still mine. It's still mine, and I have officially registered it! And I reiterate, this Gregg Mays—Clyde Cash—whoever he is, he is a fake! I dare him—I challenge this individual... who plays these characters... to actually come out to [''cleans forehead''] my home address and show and reveal and show hims—and prove himself to me, whoever he is. And I know it's the same guy, 'cause I heard his voice recently over the telephone and recognized it from the past times when I talked to quote/unquote Clyde Cash on the phone. That high pitched, drunk, whiny, nasally... voice of his! That same God damn voice... I remember it so well.

Alright, well, anyway, I'll leave you with all that, and I am still drawing the pages for the ''Number 9'' book, and I am working on the ''Number 10'' book, as well. Only from me, Christian Weston Chandler (birth name [[Christopher's name change|"Christopher"]]) of [[Ruckersville]], Viriginia, USA! And, also, I would like to reference the public disclaimer video also on my You—on this, my ori—my offish d—on my official [[YouTube]] account, and everything Sonichu and Rosechu officially is on the [[CWCipedia]], AKA... "The Original CWC's Sonichu Site", also known as "Sonichu and Rosechu Site". All other websites (aside from this YouTube and the CWCipedia) are false! Peace out, and have a safe day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[25 September 2009]]|nextlink=[[9 October 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-29]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-09-29]]

Sonichu Headquarters Google Intro Video

2019-06-13T17:27:29Z

282128332: /* Transcript */

'''Sonichu Headquarters Google Intro Video''' is a video uploaded by Chris on April 20, 2019. As part of his effort to have his house listed as a [[Pokémon]] Go Pokéstop dating back to [[March 2019|March]], Chris created the video to celebrate Google's recognition of the [[Sonichu Headquarters]] and begs them to make it a Pokéstop.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Sonichu Headquarters Google Intro Video
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rdNHolURZf4}}
| stardate = 20 April 2019
| subject = {{Video games|text}} {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ManchildMeldownShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Business|text}}
| previous = [[Future message from Crystal W Chandler]]
| next = [[April_2019_videos#We_Need_some_gas_money.2C_Please.2C_Help.|We Need some gas money, Please, Help.]]
}}
</center>

===Transcript===
[''Video recording sounds'']

Hello everybody! This is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu]], coming in late to you live from my [[Chris and Religion|faithful]] and loving [[14 Branchland Court|Home]] in [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], which is now been- correctively- and recognized officially by Google as, and with fan support bringing the name up, this is officially Sonichu Headquarters!

This... is not only... my home... for me, as [[Things Chris has ripped off|the creator... and author... of the books and artworks and other featurettes]] featuring [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], and their [[Speech Impediment|evorushen fayremel]] [''sic'']- Families and [[Chaotic Combo|all the other special Sonichus and Rosechus]] aside from that, but also... this is... a loving... kept- fairly well kept home, at least my father, the late [[Bob Chandler|Mr. Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]], has been... keep- uh- kept it up well.

We had a daylily garb but yeah, it's a mess. [''Dog barking in the background''] I mean, I'm not gonna show the mess, but obviously what was daylilies and now a bunch of... forest [''sic'']... during summer time that I would illiave- I would not devise going to whatsoever.

Hmph. anyways, aside from that, this house is also [[Chris and his Ego|blessed by me... and... my soul and spirit and eveything...]] keep it '''STRONG''' and going as it is, and ever will be, and continuing on forward! 'Cause I got the '''[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|superPOWERS]]'''!

Believe it or not, I am... a CPU, a Console Patron Unit, a [[GodJesus|Goddess]]... of the Commodore Consoles. [''Puts hand over forehead''] Ooh, the sun's so bright. Anyways, so- Anyway... that this- at this house... this home... bet I am messing with y'all... becomes a-an official Pokéstop, or even better, a [[Pokémon Gym]]. I'll keep maintenance so the Gym by battling a two- by battling... any blue or red team members... Pokémon, clearing you out. I'll do that twice a day and bring in one of my favorite Pokémon, including my beloved 32+ Ribbon earning, that I had raised from the original Ruby Cartridge, back in the Early-[[2000s]], my Blaziken Inuyasha.

But anyway, I'll definitely set up benches for everyone's comfort so that they can enjoy the Pokéstop and Gym Challenges and the raid ba-and the raids and all that good stuff. Now, one more thing I will mention for this introductory video for this thing: the haters. I'm follow- I've been followed for years by [[Trolls|Internet Trolls]] and Cyberbullies and definitely worse among them: The Haters. They're going to leave a whole bunch of negative comments and low ratings. So, I just- you know... indecisive in the final decision making just ignore all hateful comments, people who make the Pokémon GO app and people of Google because.. I do f- I do as well as I can with my art and books and everything.

I'm just- one individual with pa- superpowers still in development, with only my- loves nearby: [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], my Blaziken. They will be fully visible soon after da [[Dimension Merge]].

Beside from that, '''this is the Sonichu Headquarters'''... and I will remain here for quite some time, keeping it blasting and everything. Even when I'm in this f- even when I'm in [[CWCville]], or a nation and comma, anywhere else, this is protected, safe and sound and everything. [''Dog howling in the background''].

Uh, this is Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, the CPU Blueheart of the my [''sic''] nations of CWCville and Comma.

Everybody have be safe and have a good, safe day.

[''Peace Sign''] Thank you!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Future message from Crystal W Chandler]]|nextlink=[[April_2019_videos#We_Need_some_gas_money.2C_Please.2C_Help.|We Need some gas money, Please, Help.]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2019]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean

2016-03-24T00:56:31Z

282128332: /* Transcript */

{{Template:DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb|Chris overestimates his own [[power]] as he begs his [[Trolls|True and Loyal Fanbase]] to support his cause.]]

'''Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean''' (full title "'''04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV'''") is an audio recording released by [[Chris]] chronicling an attempt to get himself unbanned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] by confronting [[Michael Snyder]], the [[manajerks|manager]] who permanently ejected him from the store in the summer of [[2008]]. Chris recorded their conversation by hiding a video camera in his pocket. The phrase "ColdHearted" in the title is supposed to be a [[Random-access humor|play on the title]] of ''[[Pokemon]] HeartGold''.

As usual, Chris adds this to his list of fails as Michael is unmoved by his attempts to get back in, and is entirely justified in this belief. According to Michael himself, Chris's plea was a script he had written down on a piece of paper.<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comments]</s> Dead link</ref> He also, it seems, can't remember why he was kicked out of the store in the first place. He mentions a "[[Nintendo|Wii]] incident," an occasion where he angered the management with his regular habit of taking over the store's flatscreen TV with his [[video game]] consoles, but otherwise he appears to be genuinely confused as to why Snyder won't let him back in. Oddly, yet hilariously, Chris adds to his streak of [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racist videos]] by shouting "JEW!" at Michael as he leaves the store, [[South Park|like a certain other egotistical fat kid]]. Of note, Michael is not actually Jewish, and the last name Snyder (or Schneider) is German in origin.

The conversation took place on 12 [[April 2010]] and Chris uploaded it to [[YouTube]] later the same day. Shortly after it was posted, the recording was removed from YouTube due to a terms of use violation, either because of Chris's anti-Semitic attitude, because the recording itself may have been [[Chris and the Law|illegal]], or because of the dox and incitement to harass dropped in the description. In the early morning hours of the next day, Chris added a text-only [[:File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|image]] on the front page of [[CWCipedia]] accusing Michael Snyder of [[Kick the Autistic|discriminating against him]] for having [[autism]], and linked to a troll mirror of the deleted video (which he had mistaken for a fan).

One way or another, this video is absolute proof of Chris violating the law—he dropped into the store unannounced with full knowledge that he wasn't supposed to be there. [[Virginia]] defines this as "trespassing", which is a crime punishable by a fine not to exceed $2500, at most one year in prison, or both. According to Mimms, cops were called after this happened, though Michael was unable to press the issue.

==Prelude to the madness==
On 21 April 2010, a woman named [[Jackie]] dropped a number of e-mails<ref>See [[Jackie e-mails]], [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]] and [[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> between herself and Chris. In one of the letters, Chris reveals that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church the day before the video was released. When one of the cashiers saw Chris and recognized him, he threatened to call the cops. Chris got angry and bolted.

Finding out Michael Snyder would appear the next day, Chris had his plan - approach Michael and attempt to get the ban lifted. Chris's plan was that if Michael did not lift the ban after this long, [[Chris and the Law|he would call the cops]]. Chris hid a camera in his pocket with the intent of using it as evidence in the event he had to resort to this.

==Description==
{{quotebox|This happened on my recent visit to the Game & Hobby Place. My Camera was hidden in my Vest Pocket.

I encourage all to go there in person, find Michael, and [[Chris and hypocrisy|pester/Troll]] the hell out of him (other employees who support him optional). Also say to Michael, "[[Chris and race|Do Not Discriminate]] Against People like Christian Weston Chandler."

243 Ridge McIntire Road Charlottesville, VA 22903 (434) 984-1040}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vAUqb-fL4CY}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| subject = {{Game Place|[[Michael Snyder]]}}, {{Racism|[[Jews]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[F Abstinance]]
| next = [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]}}

{{quote|I'm a better person...}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris is speaking into a recorder. From the sound of it, it seems like he is inside his [[Son-chu|car]].'']

'''Chris:''' This is Christian Weston Chandler, [[Captain's Log]]. Stardate... 4:34 PM, Monday, April 12, 2010. I am about to go into the Game and Comic and Hobby Place — also sell toys there — to get myself, to try to get myself unbanned and get forgiveness for the mistake I have made almost a year ago when I was banned from the store in June of 2008.

[''Heavy [[sigh]] from Chris'']

'''Chris:''' The dude who banned me was, his name is Michael Snyder, possibly a [[Chris and race#Jews|Jew]] considering his last name. Nothing bad against the Jews, but I'm just throwin' it out there. Alright, so, here I go. [''sigh'']

[''Chris turns off the engine and leaves his car. He approaches The Game Place, and the chime of the store's door alarm can be heard as he goes inside. "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray faintly plays in the background, while we get a good view of the inside of Chris's pocket.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, I'm here to see Michael.

'''Employee:''' Yeah, he's in the room back here.

[''We come upon Michael, who is fixing an RC car. His remarks are occasionally interrupted by whoever he is helping. Judging by the audio, Chris is standing relatively close to him, close enough to occasionally hear whoever Michael is speaking with.'']

 '''Michael:''' Well, I mean, you're, you, you'll just see that by running it. I mean, it was running okay the other day. But just, you know, adjust it one way or the other depending on temperature and everything else. But, you know, it just, it's not usually much. By changing fuel, it doesn't usually change... tuning that much. Mmkay... Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it'll be fine... Right, yeah, it'll be fine. [pause] Okay... Okay... Who made it?

[''The recorder seems to move away from the conversation, and a long silence follows. Various store noises occur in the background, including the bell from someone opening the front door.'']

 '''Michael:''' Okay. Alright. Sounds good. Mm-hm. Bye.

'''Chris:''' Hello, Michael. I see, uh... You've been, I see you're looking well. Haven't changed much since, for the past almost two years. And, yeah, it has been, uh, almost two years since... uh, what happened, uh, June- June 2008. But, uh, I came back hoping that, uh, we could put that behind us and...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' Come on. I mean, it has been almost two years, and it's just been on my mind for so long, just be...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, can't we just [[Chris and remorse|forgive]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|and forget]]?

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' C'mon, to have this...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...[[Stress|weight]] on my back...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' And I have really...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...missed coming here.

 '''Michael:''' No. No. You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I'm, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|I'm a better person...]]

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] C'mon, what? Come on, dude...

 '''Michael:''' No! You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [[Twin Falling Towers|How can you be so heartless?]] I mean, you're, I mean, you're obviously not as mean as one of those [[trolls]] I've been dealing with...

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I mean, come on, I mean, obviously you have something against me, [''four beeping noises are heard, possibly Michael dialing out to 911''] because aside from the Wii incident, I just would like to know ''what''. Come on. Gimme a break. Alright, fine, I'll leave.

[''His tone becomes sharp and angry.'']

'''Chris:''' But I hope that [[Chris and Religion|God will forgive you]] for being so [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|heartless and cruel]], Michael Snyder!

 '''Michael:''' He probably will.

'''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|[[Chris and Race#Jews|''JEW!'']]}}

[''Chris goes out the door, tape runs out.'']

==Aftermath==
During the confrontation, Michael called the [[jerkops|police]]. However, Chris was long gone by the time they arrived.

On the linked YouTube page the opposite party, Snyder, chimed in to inform everyone that, while he had attempted to press charges against Chris for trespassing, the police informed him that he had no recourse to pursue legal action for Chris's trespassing or attempts to incite harassment. It all seems for naught anyway, as Snyder mentioned that, not only did he not receive any harassing messages, but he actually got messages of congratulations and encouragement for putting Chris in his place.

{{quotebox|I have been told I have no recourse for any of his actions, and his encouraging people to harass me. Turnabout is fair play?? }}
{{quotebox|I want to thank all my fans for their calls supporting me, and feel he needs to stay home and get your calls. His phone number in the book is 434-990-0198. Happy dialing,
Mike 
Elvis has left the building }}

===A video with video===
The next day, [[Vivian Gee]] made a ''[[South Park]]''-style animation using the audio from this clip. Chris himself stopped by to make it clear that he completely missed the point of the video:

{{quotebox|Hey, Vivian. I'm going to tell you right now that if you were trying to offend me with this "South Park" [[Parody]]; You Failed. This is just SOO FUNNY! You ought to know I like "South Park", especially the less dramatic, more comical episodes. ROFL}}

{{quotebox|Actually, there is ONE more thing you could to just make this a TOPPER of a Comical Scene; I gave him the finger as I left for real, so add a [[Wild Sonichu|Sit-And-Spin]] in the silence right before the final insult. ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = episode 200 - the game place
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7un_dBl2q2M}}
| stardate = 13 [[April 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

5 years later, YouTubeer Lolwutburger made another South Park-style animation using the same audio, complete with Chris giving Michael the finger.

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: The GAMe PLACe feat. Chris Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|BjjIkVEQ9mU}}
| stardate = 15 [[November 2015]]
| maker = [[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoGyB0X46kL5Sk4pM9BquVA Lolwutburger]]
| subject =
| type = Flash Animation
| info = }}

==See also==
* [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?gmqwe4kmgzm MP3 download]</s> dead

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[F Abstinance]]|nextlink=[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]|}}

{{Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2010| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

The MovingFoward videos

2016-03-22T11:00:53Z

282128332: /* Part three (REALLYMovingForward) */

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:ARCH.jpg|center|300px]]
{{quote|If a [[troll]] actually comes up with such "footage" and gives it to someone like [[Clyde Cash]], Clyde would NOT give out any [[Chris and money|money]]. So, with that considered, I would never make such a gay video, or PS3-wrecking video, for even a Billion Dollars.|Chris, two days before doing the video. For free.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref>}}

[[File:Cwcps3.jpg|thumb|One lucky console]]

The '''MovingFoward videos''' are a compilation of three leaked videos ('''MovingFoward''', '''MovingFurtherFoward''', '''100_2209.MOV''') where [[Chris]] physically destroys his [[PS3]]. Having first followed [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|good hard drive disposal practice]], Chris says a few choice words before destroying the console with a brick, [[Son-Chu|his car]], and some scissors. Some photographs of the console in various states of destruction were also leaked.

Chris says that after smashing his console and driving over it with his car, he plugged it in again, apparently to prove that it would no longer function. He seems to have been unaware of the [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|danger of]] [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]] or [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|electric]] shock involved (or perhaps, in his despondent state, he simply didn't care).

Many [[trolls]] had come up with theories as to why Chris smashed his beloved Life Upgrade. Eventually, it was revealed in a [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|communication between Chris and some high-profile trolls]] that Chris wanted to claim a very large monetary reward for its destruction. To no one's surprise, not only was there supposedly a reward waiting for such an act like this, but it has been completely in vain on Chris's part.

Interesting to note here is that, like the snake he tried to run over, the cardboard box and the [[Clown Doll]], it takes Chris three tries AND [[ItIsFinished.MOV|a coup de grace the next day]] just to [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|BREAK DEAD]] his PS3.

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = MovingFoward, MovingFurtherFoward & 100_2209.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eLalvNDcHIs}}
| stardate = 28 August 2010
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| shirt = {{HighSchoolShirt|text}}, Sleeveless Pokéshirt
| previous = [[Stardate, August 27, 2010]]
| next = [[ItIsFinished.MOV]]

}}

{{quote|Vessel of my loneliness for the past three years of anguish. I bid you... fond... faredieu.}}

== Transcript ==

===Part one (MovingForward)===

[''An opening title card appears, which reads "MovingForward." We cut to Chris, who is standing around outside and shakily filming himself with a handheld camera.'']

Saturday, August 28, 2010.

[''Chris removes his [[glasses]].'']

I make this video... as a tribute... to [[Gal-pal|what I have lost]]. But also from which I have lost, I have [[Hair|lost something that was of important value]], but I am able to let go. It is the [[Song of Christian|spirit of myself... of which was very lonely]]. But now move on, to a [[Video games|much brighter future]]. And now for the... feature presentation. On this video. What you are about to see is [[April 16 Fetish Vids|uncensored and unedited]].

[''He moves the camera to show his PS3, which has a case cover plastered in artwork of himself and [[Sonichu]].'']

My PlayStation 3, here in the backyard.

[''He opens the access port to show the hard drive.'']

The hard drive still in there. [''pause''] Formatted as it was. And for a memento... I'm keeping the cover.

[''He removes the case cover, complete with the original [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]] drawing, and puts it to one side. Then he focuses the camera on himself again.'']

Again, it's very- this- this is [[CWCFlyingElephants|very graphic]], so if you are weak in the stomach, especially as a gamer, look away, and I mean no [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|disrespect to Sony Computer Entertainment America]]. Maker of the fine product.

[''Chris mumbles something unintelligible amid the noise of moving the camera. He then sets the camera down so it is focused on his PS3, which is sitting on top of a microwave that has been put on its side. He then puts on a pair of work gloves and picks up a piece of landscaping brick while an airliner flies overhead, somewhat drowning out the first half of Chris's next sentence.'']

Vessel of my loneliness for the past three years of anguish. [[Chris and English|I bid you... fond... faredoo.]] Adieu. Fond fareweeeeell adieu.

[''Chris uses the brick to bash his PS3 for the better part of a minute, never raising the brick over his head and only cracking the outer case. [[Chris and health|He pauses a few times to catch his breath]]. After a time, he moves back over to the camera.'']

[[Chris and reality|Crushed. Unplayable.]] The deed is done.

===Part two (MovingFurtherForward)===

[''Cut to a second title card, "MovingFurtherForward." It is nighttime - barely anything is visible. The camera is looking at Chris's driveway, in front of his (running) car. The headlights allow us to see Chris place the PS3 in front of the left front wheel of Son-Chu. He gets in the car, backs up, and pulls forward, running over the PS3. After a long pause, during which a loud thumping sound is heard and a dog starts to bark, he backs up over it and pulls forward over it again. Chris moves over to the camera again and points it at something, presumably the PS3.'']

Well, you get the idea, anyway. It's useless! Broken!

===Part three (REALLYMovingForward)===

[''Cut to a third title card, "'100_2209.MOV' (A.K.A. 'REALLYMovingForward')." We are in Chris's bedroom. The camera shows us the wreckage of his PS3, very much the worse for wear. In addition to beating the hell out of it, he appears to have cracked the case and broken it down to its component parts, which he shows us by panning the camera around. Chris's speech appears to be [[Alcohol|slurred slightly]].'']

[''sighs''] Well, I [[6 June 2010|run it over with a car]] and smashed it with a brick. Ugh. I thought I hit it on the metal part and the heavy plastic, but still, when I look at- still, when I plugged it in, it did not turn on. Actually, it went into standby mode, but that's all- as far as it went. [[Chris and English|That's all it went]]. So right now I'm gonna finish the job. Finish the job.

[''Chris sets down the camera to show himself and the PS3 parts. He then picks up a pair of scissors, which he uses to stab repeatedly at bits of his former console. Partway through the stab-fest, he unfolds the scissors and goes at it two-fisted. Wearing out after about 45 seconds, he folds up his scissors and sifts through the debris.'']

[[Duck|Look at that bend.]] [[Chris and anger|Broke a whole buncha stuff on it.]] Now you tell me... it's still good! It ain't now!

[''Chris stands up and the video cuts off.'']

== Destruction gallery ==

In addition to the poor quality video footage of the PS3's destruction, numerous photographs of the before and after have been leaked:

<center><gallery>
File:PreCar1.JPG|Pre-Car
File:PreCar2.JPG|Car
File:PostCar.JPG|Post-Car
</gallery></center>
<center><gallery>
File:100 2208.JPG
File:100 2210.JPG
File:100 2211.JPG
File:100 2212.JPG
File:100 2213.JPG
File:100 2214.JPG
File:100 2215.JPG
File:Cameragroup002.jpg
File:Cameragroup003.jpg
File:Cameragroup004.jpg
</gallery></center>
== Fan videos ==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = R.I.P. CWC's PS3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iPKvmCzuDC0}}
| Stardate = 29 August 2010
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Video Type = Tribute
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute To Chris-Chan's PS3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lFIVUtNszoE}}
| Stardate = 1 September 2010
| Maker = MountieFromHell
| Video Type = Music video
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = R.I.P. PLAYSTATION ;(
| video = {{#ev:youtube|C6ZyvxUcAMk}}
| Stardate = 13 January 2011
| Maker = shadupp
| Video Type = Music Video
}}

==References==
<references/>

== See also ==
*[[PS3]]
*[[ItIsFinished.MOV]]
*[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]
*[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Stardate, August 27, 2010]]|nextlink=[[ItIsFinished.MOV]]}}

{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, August 2010| 2010-08-29]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-08-29]]

User:282128332

2016-03-18T10:53:17Z

282128332: Created page with "a"

User talk:282128332

2016-03-18T10:52:55Z

282128332: Created page with "a"

Autism

2016-03-17T23:21:35Z

282128332: /* High-functioning vs. low-functioning */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{DeadLinks}}

[[File:Auti.PNG|thumb|Odd that he respects [[Chris and copyright|trademarks]] when he feels like it...]]
{{quote|'''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|[[Chris]], on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}
{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble 9.5]]}}
{{quote|I'M RETARDED.|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff|exposing Jeff]].}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATScI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]

::''For the song, see [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].''

'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but it has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no known cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

Christian Weston Chandler has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks.<ref>[[Greene_County_Conspiracy]]</ref> In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his Ego|special significance]], but also feels that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism.<ref>[[Asperger_Syndrome]]</ref> Chris feels he is naturally better than everyone else and often talks down to people who display knowledge or experience of subjects he is unfamiliar with. During his conversation with [[Father_Call|Kacey's father]], Chris downplayed Kacey's knowledge of biology and healthcare despite being proven wrong minutes before in a debate over the genetics of autism.<ref>[[Father_call#Kacey's_boobs_and_Internet_fame]]</ref> At the same time, Chris believes he is not responsible for the majority of his mistakes. By being autistic, Chris rationalizes that it is wholly the fault of autism if he [[Twin Falling Towers|makes]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|poor]] [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked_Out_of_College|decisions]].<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_20]]</ref>

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

{{quote|He may be high functioning (which I actually doubt -- who would want to admit to thousands of strangers that they are actually severely challenged??), but that does not mean he can function like a non-mentally challenged person.|[https://web.archive.org/web/20150503081114/http://www.cracked.com/funny-3956-chris-chan/|rae12, Cracked.com]}}

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; for a general idea, this crude scale could have levels of high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as; the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, having near-normal comprehension, demonstrating fluent speech, and possessing near average intellect. This presents Christian with an easy scapegoat and alibi: he cannot be blamed for his own failures because he has autism, but he does not accept treatment or advice for his "medium" or "low" level autistic traits because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, it's clear that Chris is far from normally-functioning. Only an [[Autism papers|updated]] [[28 October 2011#Arraignment, plea bargain, and sentencing|psychological profile]] would really provide insight into the complex and controversial mixture of autism and mental illness that is present within Christian.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also described them with extremely cruel and derisive terms, calling them "WINDOWS TO HELL" and compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-Nazi he is.<ref>[[Asperger syndrome]]</ref>

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.<ref>[[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_Chan_on_sticking_things_up_b.2A.2A.2Ahole.|Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] well into his thirties, has never had a real girlfriend or held a steady job, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|soils himself]] on a semi-regular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Still, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk, drive, write, and draw. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]] amongst many others, yet he has failed to do anything significant with his adult life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are for the most part his own fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID.|[[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]], telling Chris something he'll flat out ignore.}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After crying for hours, he emerged from the room unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "[[Chris and Religion|God]] put the mute button on me."<ref>[[Song of Christian#The actual poem]]</ref> Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Characteristics of autism]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far more likely that Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame (other than the elderly [[Bob]] and [[Barb]]) for Chris's sudden loss of language development. Notably, Chris has diverged from this story before, having claimed at least once that he was intentionally "injected" with autism by doctors when he was a child, as if that were even possible. Nevertheless, it speaks volumes on the [[List of Chris's lies|veracity]] of the former account if he can't even keep his story straight, not to mention that Chris probably [[Naïve|has little idea on the causes of autism]] anyway.

As for how Chris ''actually'' became autistic, studies have shown that there is a [http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20100208/autism-risk-rises-with-mothers-age positive correlation between the age of the mother and the risk of autism]. Given that [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] was 40 years old when she gave birth to Chris, this is a likely explanation.

It is currently unclear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrative Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g. throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the Universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's tactful and sensitive comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [[wikipedia:Missing white woman syndrome|"Missing White Woman Syndrome"]], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[trolls]] dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular, albeit quite idiotic guy with a few "eccentricities", or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara Chandler|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid Saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. While autistic people can have problems with social cues such as sarcasm, thus being gullible at times, Chris is much more gullible than other autistics, let alone ones that are high-functioning. This is more due to his [[Naïve|inexperience]]. One need only see his extensive [[List of Chris's sweethearts|list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls (of both sexes) pretending to be female sweethearts, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approached him about making a ''Sonichu'' game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his [[heterochromia|pinkeye]] and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin.<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris in Person (From THEIR Point of View)]]</ref>

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you enjoy Chris appearing in your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish, possibly because he copied it from [[My Little Pony|actual cartoons]]. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13-year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them, even though the two don't even have the same skin colour.

*[[White knight#Chris lacks empathy himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. In his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde, his advice after the suicide of Clyde's brother [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing platonic relationships. Many non-autistic people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He is also uninterested in talking about subjects besides himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow. In an [[Jackie E-mails 23|exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to her frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by saying she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; while he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Other compulsive and repetitive behavior common with autism is strict following of rules, and the organization of elements bordering OCD. Chris however, lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy, unorganized house,]] makes comics with dialog bubbles in inappropriate places; and a very inconsistent plot, and disobeys the [[Chris and the Law|law]] when it inconveniences him.

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LittleBigPlanet#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not talking out of his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[Continuity in the Sonichu comics#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris exhibits symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]]; this is a common characteristic of autistic people. Chris often wears his accessories and medallions over top his clothing to avoid skin contact with metals and plastics. This is evident in the way in which Chris wears his watch over the cuff of his sleeve and wraps his medallion through the collar of his shirt.<ref>[[:File:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg]]</ref> Most obvious however is his [[Fashion#Wrist_warmer|wrist warmer]] which he places on the chain of his medallion. Chris has stated that "[...] it is a part of my necklace; it's a "Wilson" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there."<ref>Email from Chris posted in old PVCC thread 162</ref> Loud sounds also bother Chris. He was prohibited from attending pep rallies in high school,<ref>[[August 2013 Facebook Posts#Actual friendships]]</ref> and has expressed hesitation about visiting bars because of the noise.

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with inanimate objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PlayStation 3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects, though this symptom is seen much more in children with autism.

*Chris also appears to have echolalia, a common symptom of autism. This means that he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. In some instances, he calls this [[Random-access humor|"humor"]].

*One of the biggest symptoms of autism Chris displays is his fear and resistance to change, well beyond the point that it could be even related to his autism. Chris is reluctant to get or even look for a job as he has only worked [[Chris's resume|four months in his entire life,]] has never come close to moving out, has a very hard time selling or giving up his toys or shirts, wouldn't stick to a diet and exercise program, [[Attraction Sign|doesn't try new ways to attract women,]] and has a very hard time coping with his banishment from [[the GAMe PLACe]]—where he would usually spend his Fridays. This might be resistance to change of his old life style of just going to school and coming home and playing video games; his proven tendencies to avoid responsibilities and self improvement show that he is trying to remain a child or simply fears failure of all types.

*An overlooked but crucial characteristic affecting all of Chris's physical activity is his display of [[Wikipedia:Hypotonia|hypotonia]], which refers to a distinct lack of muscle tone — in biological terms referring to tension rather than the colloquial use to describe muscle strength (although raw physical strength is also affected by it) — which affects motor skills as well as stamina. Chris is not only very clumsy, he shows abnormally low muscle strength and gets tired quickly even by [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|simply shuffling around for a couple of minutes]] — which cannot be entirely explained by his lack of physical exercise. Whenever Chris is shown sitting, [[Charlottesville Fashion Square#Chris captured on video|he is spread around like a rag doll]], [[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|hanging limply]]—as his muscles cannot support his entire body properly. This condition is also linked to [[speech impediment]].

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal human beings and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.
[[File:Mii.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's personification of autism for beating up in Super Smash Bros.]]
Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex may be too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|he is a prevalent figure in the autistic community.]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he stated that our society is spending so much time on the Internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with little to no social contact shouldn't attempt social commentary.
That, and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. In [[November 2010]], he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref> Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived.

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009, he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered with Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's [sic] optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed [[wikipedia:MMR vaccine controversy|urban myth]] alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up — in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a more favorable (exactly what that means depends on whether Chris is looking for pity or adulation at the time) tier of the spectrum.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claimed during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seemed to have regained his autism and was back to [[Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. However, [[November 2009]] saw Chris again claiming to have been miraculously cured, as stated at the end of part 2 of his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations, where he described himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''". A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris again backpedaled; in response to ED's claim he was "suffering" from autism, he [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|agreed]] that "''I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails, he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend), he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics," you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so the reality is that he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics "windows into hell"<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> and regards them with [[Chris and hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]] when in reality many much lower functioning autistics lead far more independent and fulfilling lives than he does. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even by [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can therefore be speculated that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem as unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, [[A-Logging|people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name]]. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel;" that is to say, it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window into hell."

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* <s>[http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread]</s> where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* <s>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110915021331/http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread]</s> where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site." Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Voicemail greeting

2016-03-17T10:35:03Z

282128332: /* Examples of Chris's voicemail greeting */

{{DeadLinks}}

[[Chris]]'s '''voicemail greeting''' is something which many [[trolls]] have experienced when attempting to call Chris. The greetings have been changed numerous times and their content has varied greatly over time, ranging from straightforward to downright bizarre. This article is not an exhaustive record of the greetings Chris has used (as he may have changed it and no one bothered to tell us), but is nonetheless a good collection of messages spanning a period of almost 3 years.

== Examples of Chris's voicemail greeting ==
=== [[January 2009|22 January 2009]] ===
Hello. You have reached the cellphone of Christian Weston Chandler, the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]]. So le- leave a message. Please [indistinguishable] do so at the beep, oh and leave your name and number, and I may get back to you as soon as possible, have a good day.

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYJKS79PZbc Listen here!]

=== [[Car Pranks|2 August 2009]] ===
Hello. You have reached the cellphone of Christian Weston Chandler. I'm sorry I could not answer right now, but please leave your name message, telephone number, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. And I was advised heavily by my [[Bob Chandler|publicist]] and my [[Jay Z|lawyers]] to not do any interviews or a documentaries whatsoever. Even in--[[Chris and his ego|because I got so much reputation--and at stake--at the current time]]. Also if this is a, uh, troll trying to troll me back, do you think how much [[Minor CWC-isms|trollin' stupid]]? I'm not [[Naïve|trollin' stupid]], ''you're'' [[Slow-in-the-minds|trollin' stupid]]. Have a good day.

=== [[March 2011|1 March 2011]] ===
I'm sorry, but the person you are trying to reach is [[Greene County Conspiracy|very paranoid of cyber-bullies]] at this time. If you are coming in on restricted, unknown, or [[Chris and English|out-of-state-of-Virginia number]], please do NOT leave a message and do NOT dial this number again. Message 1-5-8.

===[[April 2011|19 April 2011]]===
Hellooo, I'm not available to answer the phone right now, please leave your name, message, and telephone number and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?85bb6bbjb3cdw52 Listen here!]

=== c. [[May 2011]] ===
[[Autism|Hello. Leave message. Goodbye]].
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4HaqaJmYHQ Listen here!]

=== 13 May 2011===
Hello. Please leave your name, message, and telephone number, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Otherwise if this is an unsolicited call or you are a person I have not met personally before this call do NOT leave a message and do NOT dial this number again! I repeat: If I don't know you, we have not met personally before, do NOT dial this number again. Otherwise leave a message. I will get back to you or whatever. Have a good day.
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejDsO39UzxU Listen here!]

=== [[June 2011|20 June 2011]]===
Hello, you have reached the cellphone. Ye-listen, [[Chris and Reality|I screen my calls]], so it is very unlikely that I will ever pickup on you especially if I have not met you in person. So you're better off just leaving a message, and I will listen to it, I may or may not get back. Don't call my number again- ha-had repeatedly. So, yeah, with that, you have reached the cellphone, please leave your name, message, and telephone number, I may get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJj353Vb4S4 Listen here!]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ko58be75hfxos53 Download here!]

=== [[July 2011|2 July 2011]]===
Hello, please leave a message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ttgxwn408260amp Download here!]

=== 15 July 2011===
Hello, you have [[Chris and English|reach sh-cell phone. Christian Chandler]]. Please leave your name, message, and phone number and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*No recording.

=== [[December 2011|6 December 2011]]===
Hello, [[Chris and health|I'm sick]]. Don't call this number again. Otherwise leave a message at the beep... Have a good day...

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_Qw2P8aCZY Listen here!]

=== 9 December 2011 ===
Hello. Please leave your name, message, and telephone number, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiEO8e0clmU&list=UUPvfRHS7wdHIvlApyeC4fuQ&feature=plcp Listen here!]

=== [[February 2012|11 February 2012]]===
Hello, all unsolicited calls will be deleted! Other than that, please leave your name, message, and telephone number, and we will considerably get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day!

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR5Ar5bTayQ Listen here!]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?da8lcodm440fzkl Download here!]

=== [[April 2012|30 April 2012]]===

[''maniacal laughter''] You [[trolls]] got ''served''! [''maniacal laughter''] Oh, you know what to do after the beep.

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0snPhz2eaVs Listen here!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJNkYvLe7Bk Or here!]

=== [[May 2012| 3 May 2012]] ===
Hello, leave your name message and telephone number after the beep. Have a good day.

*No recording

=== [[May 2012| 6 May 2012]] ===
Hello, please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*No recording

=== [[May 2012| 20 May 2012]] ===
Hello, please leave your name, message, and telephone number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.

*No recording

=== [[June 2012| 4 June 2012]] ===
Your call is being forwarded to an "I don't give a damn" service! Do not stay on the line! Do not dial this number ever again in your lifetime! Goodbye!

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyWZN8USLgA&feature=plcp Listen here!]
*[http://www.2shared.com/audio/La_62LqD/ddd.html Download here!]

=== [[June 2012| 12 June 2012]] ===
Hello. [[Autism|I do not understand people]]. Leave me alone, or leave me a message with your name--telephone number, leave message...I'll get back to you...if I know you in person...or...somethin'. Whatever. Um... have a good day.

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ktad1ii64kdutpn Download here!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpCoGu7KWeA&feature=youtu.be Listen here!]

=== Between Mid-[[2012]] and Mid-[[2014]] ===
[''singing''] Believe it or not, this is Christian Chandler's phone. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be busy, or I'd pick up the phone. What the hell now? Believe it or not, I'm really [[stress]]ed.

*[http://youtu.be/wvcgYjxUKz4 Listen here!]

===[[January 2015]]===
[''in an overly-feminine tone''] Hello, you have reached this cellphone. Leave your name and address and telephone number and I '''''may''''' get back to yooouu. Have a good day.

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asr0yWbjtQc&feature=youtu.be Listen here!]

===[[June 2015]]===
''(in a voice not unlike a 50-year-old woman)'' Hello! You have reached Christine's CELLphone. Please leave your name, message, and telephone ''(voice cracks)'' number, and I may get back to you soon. Have a good day!

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=33&v=PMEc066-6YE Listen here!]
===[[December 2015]]===

''This message is based on George's message from the [[Seinfeld]] episode "[[Wikipedia:The Susie|The Susie]]".''

Believe it or not, Christine's not in, please leave a message at the beep! I must be busy or I'd pick up the phone. What am I doing? Believe it or not, I'm occupied!

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=33&v=3uZsU3QCGHI Listen here!]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Main Page

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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em; color:#000;">Welcome to the [[CWCki]]!</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">The [[TRUE and HONEST]] encyclopedia about [[Christian Weston Chandler]].</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">''WHERE NO [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|SHIT]] IS TOO [[Duck|MINOR]]! ''</div>
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| style="color:#000;" | {{Quote of the now}}
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{| cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background:#FFE4B5; color:#000; width:100%"
| style="color:#000;" | {{Check this out}}
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{| id="mp-left" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#f5fffa;"
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Article of the Now</h2>
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Article of the now}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">This Day in Christory</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Christory}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did You Know...</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Did you know}}</div>
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| style="border:1px solid transparent;" |

| class="MainPageBG" style="width:45%; border:1px solid #cedff2; background:#f5faff; vertical-align:top;"|
{| id="mp-right" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#f5faff;"
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|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Da update}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">PSN Tracker</h2>
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{PSNTracker}}</div>
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|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{CWCki News}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Improvement Project of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Improvement}}</div>
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Picture of the now}}</div>
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Video of the now}}</div>
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__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__

[[Category:Special]]

Main Page

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Main Page

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March 2016

2016-03-11T17:19:30Z

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{{Ongoing}}
'''March''' is the third month of '''[[2016]]'''. [[Image:20160305081202.jpg|thumb|♪ Chris is back, all right! ♫]]

==Events of March 2016==
* 5 March - It is revealed that Chris received a PS4 for his birthday.
* 7 March - Chris starts making videos using the [[Ps4]].
* 8 March - Chris wishes all of us a happy International Women's Day. He expects us to be aroused by his body.
* 17 March - [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|St. Patrick's Day]].

{{Timeline}}

Chris and electronics

2016-03-10T17:51:52Z

282128332: /* Computer literacy */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Chris]]'s most important tool is his '''computer'''. His window to the world, Chris uses it to connect with his fans and to promote his way of life. Needless to say, just like [[PSEye|everything else]] he owns, Chris manages to ruin it in some way.

==Origins==
Chris, the autistic challenge that he was, was introduced to computers as a toddler by his technically-inclined [[Robert Chandler|father]]. According to Chris, Bob led him into the digital world with a Commodore 64.<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref> While Chris's ludicrous claim that he started playing on the computer at six months is obviously false, he definitely started structuring his life around computers at a very young age, and has never viewed reality without the filter of a PC.

==Type of computer and equipment==
As of 2010, Chris used an HP Pavilion desktop computer, located in his kitchen.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7#Transcript]]: "Chris: You know, for me, it can't, it, it came, I tried powering back on and then, and then the farthest it had gotten was just the introductory HP Pavilion blue screen."</ref> It ran Windows XP, had a scanner and a printer (or perhaps a scanner/printer combo) that allowed him to scan [[Sonichu (comic)|comic pages]] and print [[Chris and art|artwork]], and had a version of [[Wikipedia:Adobe PhotoDeluxe|Adobe PhotoDeluxe]] installed on it,<ref>[[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]] At around the :13 mark you can see the name of the program in his taskbar.</ref> which Chris primarily used to [[Chris and writing|type in text bubbles]] for his comics, or to [[Rosechu#Intersex|alter the truth]].<ref>[[Mumble_6#Music_and_Computers]]: "Julie: What Operating System do you have, W-Windows XP?; Chris: Yeah. [pause] Windosse [sic] XP."</ref> Since he had been able to connect to Mumble voice chats, it was presumed that Chris's computer also had a broadband [[internet]] connection.

An [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"|August 2011 video]], however, revealed that Chris had a new computer loaded with [[Microsoft|Windows 7]]. [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.|Another video]] confirmed it to be a hand-me-down HP laptop. Chris claimed that he had upgraded it, but further details are unknown.

After the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], it is very likely that most of the Chandler household computers were destroyed. Chris used his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] to communicate with his [[White knights|fans]] on [[Facebook]] and upload videos to [[YouTube]] during his year of exile. The [[Rental House]] apparently had a computer and an internet connection, so it is possible that Chris used it as well.

==Computer troubles==
To hear Chris tell it in 2010, his computer was on its last legs. In his conversations with [[Alec Benson Leary calls|Alec Benson Leary]], Chris complained that multiple power surges (resulting from blackouts in his area) had disabled his computer for days at a time, forcing him to restore it constantly. In mid-[[February 2010]], this was his excuse for failing to regularly upload new comic pages. When Alec reasonably asked him why he didn't just buy a new, more reliable computer, Chris claimed that [[monthly tugboat|he didn't have the money]]. (A low-end replacement for his machine, powerful enough for his purposes, would have only cost a few hundred dollars, but apparently Chris [[video games|had better]] [[sex toys|things to buy]].)

Chris often claimed to be unable to upload videos for Jackie, or chat with her via instant message, because he couldn't get his computer to start up. This caused him much [[stress]] and discomfort because he worried that she would feel that he was neglecting her, and would break up with him. Chris complained that he didn't have the money for a new PC, but all the while continued to buy new video games for his second PS3. To make things worse, Chris revealed that there was a second, working PC in the house, and the only reason he didn't attempt to use it is because it that was blocked by a pile of clothes (which, incidentally, was the same excuse he used for [[HairDifference|not showering]]).<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]: "[7:30 pm] CWC: my father used to go online with one of our past PCs, but then mom bought a lot of stuff from Goodwill and such and blocked that computer from him."</ref>

==Computer literacy==
Despite having taken a course in computer construction, Chris did not know the difference between RAM and hard drive space.<ref>[[Father_Call#Prophetic_dreams_and_Bob_Chandler]]: "Chris: [...] I even took a computer upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch."</ref><ref>[[Mumble_6#Music_and_Computers]]: "Chris: Mmm. I don't know how much RA- how much total... RAM I have, but uh... yeah... I've pretty much got my... got my memory capacity- fill it up with like... tracks from iTunes, some videos, and, uh, images."</ref> When confronted about forgetting things so often, he claimed that his memory worked like RAM, believing the "random" in RAM means that it only works some of the time, or randomly (despite the fact that it almost means the exact opposite).<ref>[[Kacey Call 12#Part 2]]: "Chris: Come on, memory in the brain is like random access memory just like in any computer, it’s random."</ref>

==See also==
*[[PS3]]

==References==
<references />

Main Page

2016-03-09T23:04:59Z

282128332: Undo revision 196006 by Monthly Tugboat (talk)

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{| style="width:100%; border:none; background:none;"
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em; color:#000;">Welcome to the [[CWCki]]!</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">The [[TRUE and HONEST]] encyclopedia about [[Christian Weston Chandler]].</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">''WHERE NO [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|SHIT]] IS TOO [[Duck|MINOR]]! ''</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">We currently have [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles...and counting!</div>
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| style="color:#000;" | {{Quote of the now}}
|}
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{| cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background:#FFE4B5; color:#000; width:100%"
| style="color:#000;" | {{Check this out}}
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{| id="mp-upper" style="margin:0 0 0 0; background:none;"
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{| id="mp-left" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#f5fffa;"
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Article of the Now</h2>
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Article of the now}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">This Day in Christory</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Christory}}</div>
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| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did You Know...</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Did you know}}</div>
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|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Da update}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">PSN Tracker</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{PSNTracker}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">CWCki News</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{CWCki News}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Improvement Project of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Improvement}}</div>
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[[Category:Special]]

Main Page

2016-03-09T21:51:56Z

282128332: Undo revision 195982 by Donald Trump (talk)

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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em; color:#000;">Welcome to the [[CWCki]]!</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">The [[TRUE and HONEST]] encyclopedia about [[Christian Weston Chandler]].</div>
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{| cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background:#FFE4B5; color:#000; width:100%"
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Da update}}</div>
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| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Improvement}}</div>
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[[Category:Special]]

Kacey Call 1

2015-12-08T12:58:50Z

282128332: /* Transcript */

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep [[Chris and sex|bangin']] your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my [[comeuppance]]!... And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna [[Homos|lick it]] off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, not being creepy or fucked-up whatsoever}}

'''Kacey Call 1''' is the very first in the [[Kacey calls]] series, taking place on 3 [[August 2009]].

On that very day, [[Solid Chris]] called [[Kacey]] while attempting to impersonate [[Liquid Chris]], and described how he would pleasure her. Hilarity and fail ensues. Most of the call, Chris forgets he's pretending to be Liquid, but Kacey, quickly knowing that this isn't the [[TRUE and HONEST]] CWC, manages to play along.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey Call 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|M0nDyBBgsRo}}
| Stardate = August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Kacey Call 1.5]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey honey! Oh my god, it's so good to hear your voice again; it's me, Kacey! How are you?

'''Chris:''' Hey Kayce! I'm good. You sound like it's goin' good. ['''Kacey:''' overlaps: "Ah, I love when you call me that!"]

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, I'm so happy cuz I got to talk to you! I missed you all day today. It sucked being in school. I can't believe it's almost finals.

'''Chris:''' Aww, yeah, I know, summer finals, right?

'''Kacey:''' I know, I don't know why I did summer session, it's just... I don't know. You know that I'm really, ''really'' into intelligent guys; which is why I love you. And I've, you know, gotta do the same. So how's school for you? ['''Chris:''' overlaps: "Aaahhh..."]

'''Chris:''' Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the [[Sonichu 9|dating episode]]; it is ''fantastic''.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's cool, but what does that have to do with school?

'''Chris:''' ...Uh, you know, the [[comic|comics]], so I just... I felt like finishing it up, so I finished it...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, I get what you're saying! Oh, that is so cool!

'''Chris:''' The dating education episode. It's on the [[CWCipedia]].

'''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. I'm gonna have to check it out, because, you know, that is of course what led me to you in the first place. ['''Chris:''' overlaps: "Oh, yeah."] But, um, what about actual school? 'Cuz I know you had classes today too!

'''Chris:''' Ohhh, yeah... Oh, yeah, they were very tough on me, but, I felt like I take a break, finish up my comic work, and get that outta the way, y'know?

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I get what you're saying; you're gonna do everything tomorrow, well, that... that's so cool of you, I mean, at least you're being serious about it, but you're not being ''too'' serious. So, um, when are your finals? Are they next week, too?

'''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, only got... I only got one to go, y'know? One more test to go, and then I'm done.

'''Kacey:''' Oh god, you're so lucky, cuz my finals, like, they don't even start 'til next week, so... Which one's your last one again? I can't remember, I'm ''[laughs]'' sorry.

'''Chris:''' ...I'm sorry, what was that question? I didn't quite understand it.

'''Kacey:''' Sorry. ''[laughs]'' You know I talk fast 'cuz I'm so excited to be talking to you. Um, so-

'''Chris:''' It's all right.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' So which one's your last final? I totally forgot.

'''Chris:''' Which one's my last, uh, fina- my last final?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, is it the same one, you know, that same class we have together?

'''Chris:''' Aaahhh... No, it's not, no, it's not that one... Uuhhh... I'm trying to think of the name. I'm trying to think of it... Um... Oh, yeah, it's the one where I'm doing, uh... It's the one where, uh... working with, uh, I think it's... I think I'm working in Photoshop, something like that, with the... ahh, so much going on in my head right now...

'''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, it's your...databasing and, uh, computer graphics class! Oh, that's right!

'''Chris:''' Yes! My computer graphics class. Yes, that's it.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. God, and, I've seen some of your work since you sent it to me, and lemme just tell you, you are ''so'' frickin' amazing, like, I cannot ''wait'' to see you this weekend.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got [[Wikipedia:MapQuest|MapQuest]] to come all the way over?

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I've got a GPS system, you know that, sweetie!

''[Chris and Kacey both stammer a bit]''

'''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Oh, that's right, you told me about the GPS! I totally forgot!

'''Kacey:''' I got it for my birthday this year, remember? So, um... yeah, I've already got it plugged in, and... it's gonna be so much fun, so... do you remember our last time together, you know, our, uh, our third date? ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Ah, [[Third date|date number three]]... mmm... oh, I've been so busy with, uh, with studying for the finals. It's just that so much of the details are plaguing my mind at the moment!

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I know. But it was so magical. I have never, ever been with someone so sensual, and just so in tune to me. I can NOT wait to see you again. So maybe you can give me a sneak preview of what you're going to do the next time I see you?

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna rock your world, baby.

'''Kacey:''' ''[laughing]'' Oh, Chris, you are so hot. God, I don't know how you do it. So stop teasing me, you've gotta give me more.

'''Chris:''' It- It just comes natural to me, I guess. I got a deep sensual voice, you know. I definitely got the [[Wikipedia:Bing Crosby|Bing Crosby]] tune, baby, you know I been raised on [[music]]! My dad was a technical engineer! Got all them patents and everything!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! I love it when you talk like that! God, so, you know when [[SingStar Challenge Round 2|you sang Fresh Prince]] today, you know I looove that. Oh my God, like you know that white boy rap? Oh my God. You were amazing, almost as amazing as last time I saw you.

'''Chris:''' Aw yeah, before that, yeah. Y'know I'm into hippin'- I'm hippin' to soo many hippin' tunes right now. But you know, I like to just... uh, sometimes I like to look back, at my favorite hits and just uh, listen to them you know? Ah, you know I definitely did like [[Sonic]] Boom and Don't Say You Love Me, too bad- ah, too bad I got beaten to the punch on those. Uh yeah...

'''Kacey:''' God, I know, I was so hoping you would do something like that. I mean, maybe you could do [[Wikipedia:*NSYNC|*NSYNC]] next? I love [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special|"Tearin' Up My Heart"]]. Could you do that one for me?

'''Chris:''' I got bears- you know what? - I got bears- I got a better song I'm planning on next one. Uh, here's a little preview. Hang on.

'''Kacey:''' Awesome. AWESOME. Thank you! ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Hang on. Hang on. Hush-hush-hush!

'''Kacey:''' Aww.

'''Chris:''' ''[shouts]'' [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|YOU GOT THE TOUCH. YOU GOT THE POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, YEAH!]]

'''Kacey:''' Oh Chris. Your voice... well, you know what it does to me. It gets me so hot.

'''Chris:''' Ohhhh yeah.

'''Kacey:''' So tell me how much you like when I get hot.

'''Chris:''' Oohhhh, I'm lovin' it.

'''Kacey:''' What are you gonna do to me Chris? I mean, love songs are wonderful, I know you've got lots of ideas in your head.

'''Chris:''' It'll be like the first time all over again, girl. You know I enjoyed the first time.

'''Kacey:''' I know, just the way you looked at me-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I'd like ta, I'd like ta, I'm definitely gonna try to repeat the encore, repeat as best as I can, you know. You know, to the best of my memory, even though I been messin' up stuff for the finals and whatevurrr, so...

'''Kacey:''' So did you remember what I wanted you to do next time?

'''Chris:''' Aww... shoot.

'''Kacey:''' Chris, how could you forget!

'''Chris:''' Oh, you know... lemme take a guess, lemme take a guess! Uh, you want me to caress your breasts?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, that's one of them, but I wanted to do something a little more adventurous! I can't believe you forgot, you seemed so excited!

'''Chris:''' ''[in a high-pitched whine]'' OH YEAH I'M SO EXCITED! I just can't hide it.

'''Kacey:''' I guess I'll forgive you this time, but I totally, absolutely wanted you to tie me up and let me be at your mercy. I mean doesn't that sound awesome?

'''Chris:''' AWW YEAH THAT DOES SOUND FUCKIN' AWESOME.

'''Kacey:''' Ok well since I told you that you have to tell me what you're gonna do to me because come on, you know I love it when you talk dirty to me.

'''Chris:''' Aww, talk dirty to me! Duh-duh.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, god. Please do.

'''Chris:''' Mmmmmmm... oh yeah.

'''Kacey:''' Do it for me, your sweet little Kacey-kase.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. I gonna... you just gonna love this. You uh, I'll be showin', I'll be presentin' myself to you, you'll be lovin' my [[duck|dick]], it's so big and all that you know, and you just, I'll be puttin' it, between your tits while you're all TIED UUUP!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God that sounds so good! Like, I'm like crying because it sounds so wonderful! Keep telling me more!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm just going to get that girl...

'''Kacey:''' I'm actually starting to touch my tits right now, so keep telling me more. Keep telling me more.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my [[comeuppance]]!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I can't wait to lick it off. I'm gonna be so, so hot. This is the Chris I know and love. Thank you!

'''Chris:''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue-sharing MOMENT!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, you know I love shotgunning like that. God Chris, you're even a little spicier than last time. What's gotten into you?

'''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' VANILLA HOT HOT SPICY BABY.

'''Kacey:''' So Chris... um, so what are you doing right now, y'know, are you uh, doing the same thing?

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, you know... yeah, I'm just I'm... yeah, I'm getting turned on. I'm just rubbing myself thinking about it!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! It's gonna be so much better when I'm really there, though. I can't wait to see you, I can't believe I'm actually going to go to your house, and be with you and it's gonna be awesome.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. You know it, girl. You know it so well.

'''Kacey:''' And I mean, I just can't help getting hot thinking again about all your music videos, just... oh my gosh, I remember so much better than I poss-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupting to mangle REO Speedwagon while Kacey giggles]'' You can't fight that feeling anymore... I've forgotten what I started fighting for... it's just so much listen to the shore... and I can't fight this feeling anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, well, you know I hate to spoil the mood, but I mean you're just so much better than that brown-shirted... or that shirted impostor. I mean, I love your brown shirts way more.

'''Chris:''' Mmm...

'''Kacey:''' Sorry, I'm getting so confused right now, because I'm just so hot right now. I'm so glad you-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' Yeah, but you know I actually do have a red, white and blue-striped shirt ''in'' my closet.

'''Kacey:'''You do? Why don't you wear it then? I mean, I guess that would make you too much like the impostor.

'''Chris:''' I don't know, because you know... just been trying to separate myself from the impostor I guess, I mean red, white and blue, you know, was my original roots, I mean look at back in the early pages of my books! Red, white and blue all the way, girl!

'''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Well...

'''Chris:''' ''[plows on]'' I just had to separate myself from the impostor somehow. And you know how I rapped the [[PaRappa contest]]? I wore an orange shirt then, girl.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, I guess... okay, well I mean, just that impostor, I know he's really, really, really getting to you.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he's been getting to me. Giving me... wracking at my NERVES! ''[tard rage]'' Just really turning me... urgh! Making me so angry!

'''Kacey:''' God I know, he pisses me off too. I can't believe he's trying to be you when you're just so much sexier, hotter... ''[Chris overlapping: Yeah, yeah]'' I mean, his voice doesn't even sound like yours!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I mean, can you believe him? I mean he just looks so... aw shoot, what's the word I'm trying think of... oh yeah, he looks so soph-moric!

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, he does, I, I guess, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean the impostor looks like he's got to be about 13 or 15, does not have the diploma or the degrees, OR the certificate I had from the waterboy on the [[Manchester High School#Go Lancers!|varsity basketball team]] during my freshman year!

'''Kacey:''' Right, um... what are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' Aw, I'm just on a roll here, you know. I'm just trying- I'm just trying to- I've been-

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' I mean, 'cause-

'''Chris:''' One five minute note or you know... ah, he's telling me history or like um... I got my truths, you know. He's just bringing me all the counter-evidence and I've got to fight back with the real deal.

'''Kacey:''' Oh oh, you mean when he was trying to duel you in [[Spanish]] and he showed that fake certificate with a fake [[Sonichu]] picture. Oh oh, okay, I get it, 'cause you were confusing me for a minute there, at first I thought that you were suggesting that you were the fat impostor, and you know, I was getting worried for a minute there.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, you... well, I don't know about this and that but I tell you what... you are definitely talking to the real deal, baby. You know I'm going to ROCK YOUR WORLD.

'''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Yeah, you totally, totally are. I mean, like you said, next time we're going to try the strap-ons, and I can't wait for that!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Let's do it after this, after this, after this one time, the first time this weekend, y'know... yeah, tie me down...

'''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' Oh right, like start out slow like that and... oh yeah, I get it, y'know... do you dominant first, then me dominant... I gotcha! ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah.

'''Kacey:''' I mean, I know you said you couldn't wait... but I could do it for you Chris, definitely do it for you.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[voice gets high pitched]'' OH YEAH!

'''Kacey:''' You know baby, I might skip school tomorrow and head down tomorrow, how does that sound?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Tomorrow... hmm.

'''Kacey:''' I mean, finals are until next week, I can skip this week if you want me to spend the whole week with you, get a little good-luck lovin', you know?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Oh yeah, that sounds good, that sounds... yeah, that sounds very good. Mmm. So what time do you think you could be at my place?

'''Kacey:''' Well, let's see, you're only an hour and a half away, so six p.m. maybe?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. six p.m... mmm. Yeah, that sounds do-able. Six p.m.!

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Do-able, just like me, right?

'''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' DO-ABLE BABY!

'''Kacey:''' Can you cook me something for dinner, something delicious?

'''Chris:''' Uuurgh.

'''Kacey:''' And maybe afterwards a [[guitar]] serenade? You know, cause your songs put me in the mood. That's all I want, I want a delicious dinner and a guitar serenade where you sing, you know that last song you sung me just like last time, can you please repeat it for me? Can you at least sing a little bit right now?

'''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Hmmm, hang on a minute let me a minute, let me reflect in my memory here. My well audiograped memory my father entrusted me with well by teaching me so much music.

'''Kacey:''' Of course! ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[sings]'' [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! IT'S TRUE!]]

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''No, no, not the one you sang for the impostor, the one you sang for me on our last date.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry...

'''Kacey:''' I know, it's easy to get confused.

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]''Yeah, I'm kind of a little bit confused myself, it's been a long day.

'''Kacey:''' Aw, I know, I know. I mean, you're doing so well since, you know, considering what you're majoring in and everything.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah! [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]]!

'''Kacey:''' Did you change your major? What?

'''Chris:''' No, that's BEEN my major.

''[long pause]''

'''Kacey:''' ...Okay.

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' That's my major, Computer Aided Drafting and Design.

'''Kacey:''' Oh... that's, uh, weird. But anyway, what are you gonna cook for me? You know, for the date?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Hm, I could definitely whip up a, uh, pretty good stew for you.

'''Kacey:''' Oooh, a stew, what type of stew?

'''Chris:''' Oh you know, with the tomatoes and the vegetables and the whatnot.

'''Kacey:''' You know, I thought you were a little more ambitious than that. I mean, stew sounds good still, but isn't that better maybe for a winter getaway?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' How about you make my favorite? I told you about my favorite the other day, can you make it?

'''Chris:''' ''[mumbling]'' Umm...your favorite..uhh...your favorite, your favorite. Uhh. Boy I wore myself out getting excited and I can't even remember too clearly.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That was my fault, I'm so sorry! But you know, talking to you, just makes me want to, you know. ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' YEAH.

'''Kacey:''' But it's just chicken risotto, so will you be able to do that for me?

'''Chris:''' Risotto's...

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, maybe make a little video of you making it for me so that, uh, I can see how much love and awesomeness you're putting into it.

'''Chris:''' Uhh...I don't know if, I don't know if I mean, to make it, to have a video up in the amount of time before you get here, but I would definitely cook you a risotto.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, awesome. So anyway, I like what you said to that impostor about him not having a [[sweetheart]], because I mean, if he had a sweetheart he really would, you know, make her a judge, don't you think? Because if you didn't make me a judge I would have been so pissed off. So I mean, what do you think about that?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... I'm sorry, you got me confused there, could you start from the beginning and go slow please?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah! Oh, sorry, sorry, I just got so excited talking to you. ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' It's okay.

'''Kacey:''' So, um, you know how you told the impostor? The impostor doesn't have a heartsweet on his judge's panel. Do you think that's because he doesn't have one?

'''Chris:''' Hmm... oh yeah, that's, that's very likely but you know, I did realize that I apparently did take observation and notice, that actually one of them is a uh, is a real-life close gal-pal by the name of, uh, I think [[Kim Wilson]]?

'''Kacey:''' Oh, he's-you think he has a girlfriend named Kim Wilson? How do you know that? You are so awesome!

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I know I'm awesome. ''[laughs]'' Yeah but yeah no, I've just been hearing news talk between, you know, here and there and the [[fanbase]], yadda yadda yadda. No, but they're just basically, they're just friends. Besides, I heard that Kim has been together with this tough dude named, uh, Logan, and they have two German shepherds.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I love German shepherds, but, um-

'''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' ARF!

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' But, um, would that mean that you still like her, though? I mean-

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh no no no no...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Er, HE likes her?

''[Pause]''

'''Chris:''' Uh, uh no no no. No, they've always been friends. I mean, you know, he had to know why though because she was already taken, in order to establish like guys do, to actually be with her or not, you know.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you know, the impostor's never gonna get anyone anyway, he's not as awesome as you. You know, I just fell for you right off the bat. I mean, he's just such a fatty and you're thin and you're hot, and your [[medallion]] is so much better.

'''Chris:''' ...Oh yes. Nothing like the real deal.

'''Kacey:''' And your flowing locks, I mean, come on. What's with that [[hair|haircut]]?

'''Chris:''' Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' You're gonna get your mom to cut your hair? Oh Chris, oh you, I get it, you're joking. You're so funny.

'''Chris:''' Oh...I might be, but then again I might be serious, you never know.

'''Kacey:''' Well you are full of surprises.

'''Chris:''' ''[shouting]'' I AM FULL OF SURPRISES! ''[pause]'' I am full of surprises, woman, you know me. I am full of surprises.

'''Kacey:''' I know you, I definitely, definitely know you. So tell me about some of these surprises. Spoil me, please.

'''Chris:''' ''[laughs]'' Ahh, okay. Hmm, surprises surprises..yes...well, you'll have to see my [[house]], it'll definitely look so much familiar to you...if you look anywhere on the internet you'll recognize my house.

'''Kacey:''' Oh my god, it's just gonna say you. It's just gonna say "[[Christian Weston Chandler]]", right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry...

'''Kacey:''' You know, figuratively?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the house pretty much screams Christian Weston Chandler. You know my [[car]] has a license plate that says "SONICHU" on it.

'''Kacey:''' Does it? Wow, that's so funny because the impostor has one just like that! You would think they wouldn't let two tags be the same.

'''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Yeah, I know!

'''Kacey:''' Oh my god, that has got to be, like, the worst coincidence ever. I can't believe he did that to you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I know! Yeah, you know, one thing I'm definitely going to share with you after you get here? My original hand-drawn pages. You're just gonna enjoy seeing them, the original hand-drawn, unaltered, from the computer, you will definitely see the hand-drawn resemblance.

'''Kacey:''' Well yeah I've seen them before. But I can't wait to see...I guess you know, new ones and stuff? So um, really quick, did you get my picture that I sent you?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I saw it. NICE.

'''Kacey:''' Nice? Okay. What did you think about the color shirt I was wearing?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah... RED. The only thing that's missing is white and blue! Other than that, our shirts are patriotic. WE LOVE [[America|AMERICA]]! Proud to be an American. And I was born in Washington Jefferson Hospital, which is in [[Charlottesville]]...

'''Kacey:''' So, does that picture make you horny? How horny does it make you?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Turns me on.

'''Kacey:''' How bad?

'''Chris:''' Real bad.

'''Kacey:''' Real bad? Like last time?

'''Chris:''' Ohhh yes.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' Like so many times in my past before, even before I met you, but there was nothing, you know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime, but that's just me growing up, you know?

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' I was curious, I had to know!

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That's so cute! So what are you doing now?

'''Chris:''' I'm talking to you, and enjoying this nice conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Oh Chris, you're so awesome! So um, you remember the last time we were talking and we were talking about, you know, socialism and health care? You know, you never finished your opinion on that. Could you go ahead and expand?

'''Chris:''' Um, socialism and health care. Umm...yeah, I definitely feel that, uh, health care would be good for, you know, the elderly and the disabled people and, uh, socialism, uh...I don't have all the details on socialism really. I might be leaving a few out in my head to make a final opinion.

'''Kacey:''' Well, socialism just means, you know... [[Obama]]'s plan on healthcare. We were talking about this for hours!

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm just spacing out right now, haha. Ahh... but yeah, Obama's plan on health care. Well you know, I mean, he's, uh yeah, he's trying but yeah he's just not trying hard enough. Hang on, I gotta switch my arm, my right arm's getting tired out on me. You know how it is...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, is it because you're uhh, you're uhh, you know...touching yourself?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself-

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' ''[giggles]'' Ooh, that's a little spicy!

'''Chris:''' It's like, you know, you're holding the phone over to your ear and your arm just hurts after a while you've held it there.

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' ...Right...So, um...

'''Chris:''' Oh actually you know, I just remembered, I wanted to recommend to you some more viewing notes from [[YouTube]], I want you to look at the videos on the account CCHAN6789.

'''Kacey:''' What was that? CCHAN6789?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they were all from me. That's an old account, I pretty much just ended the deal with it, past time.

'''Kacey:''' W-what's it again?

'''Chris:''' Uh...It's C-C-H-A-N-6-7-8-9. Yeah, all me there. The real me.

'''Kacey:''' Oh. What? Oh, I'll have to check it later when I'm near a computer. That's cool, that's cool.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So you know uh, Kim, you know uh, how she, uh, yeah you know, uh, Kim, I actually heard that Kim and her friend Logan actually live in the Charlton area close to the downtown mall, you know? So if you ever wanted to look her up and, you know, just talk to her, you know, find about more about the impostor for me, or you know, see what her opinion of me is on the Internet from her point of view...

'''Kacey:''' Oh, you want me to do some undercover stuff? Chris, that is so sweet of you! You know how much I wanted to get involved.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, sure. You know that ScarletSanctum account? That's hers.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, no, I will totally, totally message her. It's Kim Woods, you said?

'''Chris:''' No, Kim Wilson. Totally. Message her, talk to her all about me.

'''Kacey:''' I totally will. That is-yeah. I gotcha.

'''Chris:''' Oh actually, yeah. I'm looking through my uh, e-mails...oof. My arm's cracking up on me again, you know from holding the phone-

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' You know, that's so weird, because you know, you work out all the time, Chris, so you would think a phone wouldn't be, you know, so heavy for you-

'''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah, uh yeah, it's like light, but it's like, holding my arm in the same position for an extended period of time, it just bothers me.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. So, um, you told me that you had some new Sonichu merchandise coming out, so can you tell me about those? ''[giggles]''

'''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Uhh...oh yeah. I definitely got Poké Balls-I definitely got a [[Sonichu Ball]] replica in the works.

''[long pause]''

'''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. How much are you gonna sell them for? Cause I know you made so much money...

'''Chris:''' Eh, they'll probably go for like five, ten bucks. You know, I wanna get it out there.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, oh okay. You want it to start out like that. Okay, got it.

'''Chris:''' Actually you know, I think I am, oh yeah. As I was trying to say earlier but then my arm cramped up on me, I was checking my e-mail and uh, actually I have Kim Wilson's e-mail address, I could share that to you, okay?

'''Kacey:''' Oh please do, that would be awesome! I will put it in my address book right away.

'''Chris:''' All right, I'll spell it out for you. It's S-C-A-R-L-E-T-M-A-R-I-E-S-A-N-C-T-U-A-R-Y at gmail dot com.

'''Kacey:''' So it's scarletmariesanctuary@gmail.com?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, but yeah. Okay but anyway listen, don't uh, let her, don't uh spread this around to anybody, I'm trusting you. Keep it just between you and me. Just between you and me.

'''Kacey:''' No, no, definitely, I won't tell anyone. Just between you and me, Chris, just like, you know, our sexy secrets.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes. Anyway, I gotta go, you know, I'm just tired out right now...

'''Kacey:''' Aww, I don't want you to go, though.

'''Chris:''' Oh I know, I wanna talk to you some more too, but, like, ''[high-pitched]'' you know, I need my rest girl, I gotta see you tomorrow at six and make your, uh, your, uh... your... rigatoni?

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Risotto, risotto, sweetie, risotto.

'''Chris:''' RISOTTO!''[super high-pitched]'' RISOTTO, RISOTTO!

'''Kacey:''' But still, can you make me a special video, please please? I'm not gonna be there till six so please make me a video!

'''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''

'''Kacey:''' It doesn't have to be cooking, just make me a video about how much you love me, please. You know, I'm feeling so lonely because this impostor, he's taking up a lot of your time, so please?

'''Chris:''' All right, sweetheart, I'll make you a video saying how much I love you...

'''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh my god, thank you!

'''Chris:''' ...but don't be surprised if it ends up on, uh, a different account, you know.

'''Kacey:''' I know. Oh, you're gonna keep it between us! I got it, I got it. That's awesome. Just e-mail it to me and I will look at it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I will e-mail it to you and let you look at it. Yes, I'll e-mail you the link.

'''Kacey:''' Awesome, please, PLEASE e-mail me the link.

'''Chris:''' All RIGHT, we've got a game plan!

'''Kacey:''' Awesome.

'''Chris:''' ''[Singing over her]'' YEAH, I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING!

'''Kacey:''' Be as sexy and awesome like you always are, okay, please?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, sexy and awesome. You got it, girl. You got it.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, then I guess I'll let you go to sleep and, umm...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you have pleasant dreams tonight, sweetheart.

'''Kacey:''' I will as long as you're in them.

'''Chris:''' Bye. ''[Kissing noises]''

'''Kacey:''' I love you, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I love you too. Love talking to you.

'''Kacey:''' I love talking to you too...I love doing more with you, but that will have to wait till tomorrow.

'''Chris:''' ''[weirdly high-pitched]'' Yeah, wait till tomorrow when you get here!

'''Kacey:''' So...I'll be in your dreams, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll be in my dreams and I'll be in yours, ''[sings]'' I'll be in yours...

'''Kacey:''' ''[Tries to interrupt]'' All right, th-

'''Chris:''' I NEVER PROMISED YOU A HAPPY ENDING! I'm just trying to take a crack at his song now. The one that he could have stolen from me because, you know, I love [[Britney Spears]] as well.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, I haven't seen that one yet, is it up?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, it's up. ''[sings over her again]''

'''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Okay, Chris, well...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm tired, I'll talk to you later.

'''Kacey:''' I'll call you tomorrow before I come, okay? All right, love you, bye!

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=First|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 1.5]]}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBa2RyS3ZUYnJZNEU mp3 of phonecall]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Prank calls

2015-11-19T05:08:58Z

282128332: /* Liquid Bob calls Bob */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
}}

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 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer''] ...gonna call Chris-Chan!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occured not long before it was uploaded.
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|A4Rvt_jjcQ8}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
{{Transcription}}}}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|Mjr0J4aXMpY}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee''': GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''': Hello?
'''Female Employee''': Hello.
'''Chris:''': My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee''': [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''': I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee''': ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee''': GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''': Hello?
'''Female Employee''': Hello.
'''Chris:''': How are you?
'''Female Employee''': [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''': Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee''': I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''': Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee''': GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''': YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee''': What?
'''Chris:''': YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee''': [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''': YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee''': [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004

2015-11-02T06:18:33Z

282128332: /* Transcript */ Corrected a small error.

'''ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004''' is a 13-minute video filmed by [[Chris]] on [[Christmas|25]] [[December 2004]]. The first part was leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]] on 21 [[December 2014]] while the second on 24 [[December 2014]]. In the first part, Chris shows off his presents and [[14 Branchland Court]] while the second part features Chris (then age 22) opening some presents with [[Bob]] (77) and [[Barb]] (63). One of the most infamous parts of the video features Bob reading a card from Chris which is all about the [[Love Quest]] and not the holiday. Also noteworthy is Bob and Barb's demeanor - they sound outright ''depressed'' here, almost as if it dawned on them that this is how their adult son is behaving, and will continue to behave for the rest of his life.

Chris's choice of gifts is particularly unusual - Chris takes great pride in presenting his mother with the iconic snowglobe of fail and a Hamtaro toy (the toy is broken, as it was apparently the last one in the store). For his father, Chris offers a "choice" between ''Fraggle Rock'' on VHS, or ''Fraggle Rock'' on DVD. Why Chris believes that a 77-year-old world music collector would be particularly interested in a live-action puppet show aimed at children is not made clear. Note that Bob's "choice" here means very little - Bob decides on the DVD, but ultimately accepts the VHS after some pressure from Chris, suggesting that Chris intends to keep the DVD version for himself.

This video, like [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]], is actually from the Director's Cut version of the "[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]" DVD. It is also one of the rare glimpses we've seen of the Chandler living room in its less cluttered state.

__TOC__

==Part 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|O-MJoRzifVk}}
| stardate = [[December 2004|25 December 2004]]
| subject = {{Other|[[C-Mas]]}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part_2|ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 Part 2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
--Scene 1--
 ''(A TV in the background can be heard playing [[Wikipedia:A Christmas Story|A Christmas Story]].)
 '''Chris:''' 'Twas Christmas Day, and all through the house, the creatures that were stirring were my family, and me, and our two cats.
 ''(camera pans around the junk in Chris's room)''
 We enter Christmas Day in my bedroom of wonderous... fun. 'Cause we have plenty of stuff around the house. On this day of.... Hwey-zeus's birth, upon the, uh, arrival of my doorstep, we find... a Snoopy house.
 ''(camera zooms in on a toy Snoopy doghouse sitting on Chris' bed, which plays "Jingle Bells" when Chris activates it. The music plays throughout the rest of the scene)''
 There we go.
 ''(camera pans across the bed to a SpongeBob SquarePants action figure)''
 SpongeBob SquarePants! ''(Chris poorly imitates SpongeBob's laugh)'' And a tower of gifts.
 ''(camera pans to a copy of "Sonic Advance 3")''
 And a Game Boy Advance title.
 ''The camera turns around as if to leave.''

--Scene 2--
 ''We enter another room, with the camera focused on the Chandlers' Christmas tree. The doghouse is playing short snippets of assorted Christmas music throughout the scene.''
 '''Chris:''' And we wander upon our wondrous Christmas tree, with a star that was made so delicately. Delicately... and creatively.
 ''(the camera zooms in on the tree's star, which is a [[rainbow]]-colored paper cutout, with Sonichu and Chris drawn on it)''
 With Pokemon hanging about.
 ''(pan to a small wrapped present hanging in the tree)''
 And a Christmas present that was supposed to be for the girlfriend that Santa brought, but unfortunately... she didn't show. Well, upon this wonderal Christmas Day, we see our two cute cats.
 ''(Chris walks over past the fridge to where a cat is lying on the floor)''
 Hey, Desi. Desi! Eeeyeah. our cat's Desi.
 ''(Chris starts to leave)''
 And Lucy's around somewhere.

--Scene 3--
 ''Christmas music plays on the hi-fi in this scene. Chris walks into the cluttered kitchen where Bob is preparing his breakfast.''
 '''Chris:''' And now we wander in on my family! Say hello, Father!
 '''Bob:''' ''(continuing to unwrap his food)'' Uh, yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Makin' my Christmas movie!
 '''Bob:''' I say you're wasting your chip.
 '''Chris:''' But I'm going to put it onto VHS anyway.
 '''Bob:''' I see. All right.
 ''(Chris forges onward past Bob, through the proto-hoard, to focus the camera on a smaller electric Christmas tree.)''
 '''Chris:''' A smaller Christmas tree down here.
 ''(The camera pans left into a dark, Stygian abyss)''
 And our mother's asleep here in the dark area.
 ''(Chris turns back to his father)''
 Would you care to share a Merry Christmas with the world, Father?
 '''Bob:''' ''(still preparing his breakfast)'' Ho ho ho. I gotta share some breakfast.
 '''Chris:''' Yup! You're having a great start.
 '''Bob:''' ''(finished unwrapping his French toast and now rummaging around for some plastic utensils)'' Yup, found one.

--Scene 4--
 ''Chris is in the stairwell of 14BC, which is separated by a curtain from the rest of the house. He climbs the stairs while pointing the camera back down the way he came, then turns and focuses on his other cat.''
 '''Chris:''' As we venture our way back upstairs to our room for breakfast and mirth, we find our other sweet cat, little miss Lucy. Hello sweetheart! Would you care to meow for your worldwide audience?
 ''(Lucy studiously ignores Chris)''
 Come on, sweet kitty! Meow! Meeeow! What, are you camera-shy? 'Cause you look good on video.
 ''(Lucy continues ignoring Chris and grooms herself)''
 Haha! You're such a sweet kitty.

--Scene 5--
 ''Chris is back in the same room as scene 3. Barb has emerged from the unfathomable darkness and installed herself on the orange couch at the back of the room.''
 '''Chris:''' Now the family is up and about! Especially my mother!
 ''(Chris walks up to Barb's couch)''
 Hello, Mother! Would you care to say something to the entire world?
 '''Barb:''' Merry Christmas.
 '''Chris:''' Yup! ''(pans up to the window, where one of the cats is sitting)'' This is Lucy in the window! I got you earlier, Lucy, but now you're sitting majestically on your windowsale! ... Hey Dad, look what I got!
 ''(The camera turns to Bob, who is now sitting down in a chair)''
 '''Bob:''' What's that? ''(Chris waves the Snoopy toy from Scene 1 at him)'' Looks like Snoopy.
 '''Chris:''' ''(fumbling with the toy)'' Yeah. Here, let's-- here, watch this, Father. ''(Chris activates the toy and it plays "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")'' It pops its head out... plays music.
 '''Bob:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Givin' you a little (gift?).
 '''Bob:''' Yeah.

==Part 2==
{{Infobox/video
| name = ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|f7YkDa2QpC4}}
| stardate = [[December 2004|25 December 2004]]
| subject = {{Other|Christmas}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part_1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 Part 1]]
| next = [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
 ''The scene is the upstairs kitchen in 14BC. Chris and Barb are sitting close together at a little table with its own miniature tree, while Bob sits in his own chair on the other side of the tree.''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah OK yeah, it's recording. So, here we are around the Christmas tree! We're going to open presents!
 '''Bob:''' ''(utterly deadpan)'' Hooray hooray.
 '''Chris:''' OK well first off I have a card for my family. Here, Father, you ope-- you read the card. (hands Bob the card)
 '''Bob:''' ''(accepting the card)'' I see.
 '''Barb:''' Why don't you open some of your gifts, Christian?
 '''Chris:''' I'll wait... I'll wait.
 '''Barb:''' You--
 '''Chris:''' It's OK, I'll wait.
 '''Barb:''' It'll take a long time.
 '''Chris:''' Nah, it won't take that long.
 ''(Bob has meanwhile finished opening the envelope and removing the card)''
 '''Bob:''' Am I supposed to read it?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, read it.
 '''Bob:''' Am I supposed to read it out loud?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Read- read- read it to Mom.
 '''Bob:''' ''(reading)'' "I want to thank you all for your support and love throughout my fantastic... love quest" *phooey!* "And if Santa doesn't bring me... one... (no Chris-- no comment??)" ''*pause, exasperated sigh*'' "... like I asked him, then I'm going to need some support finding a boyfriend-free girl" ''(Bob laughs while reading that phrase)'' it'll come, Christian, "hope you all... like my... presents."
 '''Barb:''' OK.
 '''Bob:''' ''(continuing reading)'' "Today I'm thinking of Christmas and remembering you all. Merry Christmas, Christian C."
 '''Chris:''' Yup! All right, Father, first I'll give you presents, well first you've got to choose, uh, they both have the same content ''(Bob leans forward and tosses the card onto the table)'', since you choose whether you want it on DVD or VHS.
 '''Bob:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' They have everything the same thing except the VHS is recorded off of the DVD. So... which one you want, VHS or DVD?
 '''Bob:''' No, no, I'll take DVD, I don't like VHS much.
 '''Chris:''' Really?
 '''Bob:''' DV-- I mean VHS.
 '''Chris:''' So you want the VHS?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Here you go. ''(hands Bob a gift-wrapped VHS tape)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm not much for... that other... DVD.
 '''Barb:''' Why do you have it on both? (?)
 '''Chris:''' I gave him a choice, remember? You remember he originally wanted DVD? ... It's Fraggle Rock, Father, that's what's on there.
 '''Bob:''' I see. ''(Bob starts halfheartedly trying to unwrap the VHS)''
 '''Chris:''' Everything that's on the DVD is on that VHS.
 '''Bob:''' VHS works better in my system.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ''(putting the DVD copy aside)'' Here, I'll just add that to my collection later.
 '''Bob:''' I cain't get it open.
 '''Barb:''' That's alright. ... We're fine.
 '''Chris:''' ''(reaching down and picking up a present which he hands to Barb)'' Here Mom, I picked this out for you. ''*sigh*'' I'll just get this one that's, uh, in the bag here. ''(Chris rummages around under the tree and comes up with a plastic shopping bag)''
 '''Bob:''' You used up all the tape.
 '''Chris:''' Not *all* the tape, Father.
 '''Bob:''' 'Most all of it.
 ''(Chris pulls out a Lego set from the bag and sets it on the table right in front of Barb)''
 '''Chris:''' Snowboarding stuff!
 '''Barb:''' Let's put it on the floor.
 '''Chris:''' Yup.
 '''Bob:''' ''(turning over the VHS in his hands)'' It's got all the Fraggles, huh?
 '''Barb:''' You can open another one.
 '''Chris:''' I'll wait.
 ''(Bob puts the wrapping material on the table with a stress sigh)''
 '''Bob:''' I like the Fraggles.
 '''Chris:''' Maybe I'll do this one.
 '''Bob:''' Fraggles are cute.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, they ARE cute. Anyway, your item is-- your thing is in the box, Mom. I fit it in the box with some cardstock paper. But it just (slides?) apart. ''(Chris puts some dilapidated miscellaneous packaging on the table and hands Barb a plush doll)'' *in a revolting baby-talk voice* Have you-- I got you Hamtaro.
 '''Barb:''' Oh... that's cute.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Barb:''' Thank you.
 '''Bob:''' Who is he?
 '''Chris:''' ''(still baby-talking)'' It's a Hamtaro. He's a widdle hamstuh.
 '''Bob:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' ''(dialing the revoltingness up to 11 on his baby talk)'' He's a widdle itty bitty hamstuh!
 '''Bob:''' ''(opening another present)'' This would be no good no more anyway.
 '''Barb:''' (???)
 '''Chris:''' Oh, that's my present for Sarah. I, 'cause, you know, she-- she might come over.
 '''Bob:''' Don't know if she will or not.
 '''Chris:''' Well she did last year, remember?
 ''(Barb gathers up the used wrapping paper and clears it away - presumably depositing the sediments directly into one of the lower strata of the Hoard. There are a few seconds' silence.)''
 '''Bob:''' Fraggle Rock.
 '''Chris:''' ''(perhaps referring to Sarah's present?)'' Britney Spears!
 '''Bob:''' Good old Fraggle people.
 '''Chris:''' ''(rummaging around under the tree)'' This one.
 '''Bob:''' ''(putting the bootleg Fraggles VHS on the table)'' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' Here you go, Father, Fraggles on VHS.
 '''Bob:''' You can keep Fraggle Rock... in your DVD player.
 '''Chris:''' ''(opening a present)'' Oh, you found it, Mom. It's great. Thank you!
 '''Barb:''' You're welcome.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmm. ''(Chris throws an arm over Barb's shoulder in a hug, but accidentally drops something?)'' Here... whoops, I'm sorry.
 '''Barb:''' Don't hurt my head.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. Well, here, I got this for both of y'all. Here Mom, you open this one since Father opened the card. ''(Chris rummages around while Barb begins opening the present)'' I bought it over at Wal-Mart and then I, uh, assembled it. And by the way, the box in there is about the same deal as, uh, Hamtaro there. After you unwrap the present, and (???) the paper there...
 '''Bob:''' I don't know where my Christmas CDs are. We got a couple.
 '''Chris:''' You want music? Here you go! ''(Chris turns on the electronic tree's music, which plays assorted carols throughout the rest of the scene)'' I think you-- I think you all will really like what I got here. Oh, yeah, I taped these two boxes together here...
 ''(Chris barges his hand right into whatever Barb is unwrapping, and Barb protests)''
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Bob:''' I've lost track of where all my music is.
 ''(Barb finishes unwrapping the present)''
 '''Chris:''' Snow globe! With me in it!
 '''Barb:''' Merry Christmas, Robert.
 '''Chris:''' It's also got-- it's also got Sonichu in it, look. See? Me on side, Sonichu on the other.
 '''Barb:''' That's true.
 '''Chris:''' I got it over at Wal-Mart. The snow globe.
 '''Bob:''' How about that.
 '''Barb:''' And you had your... picture. That's neat.
 '''Bob:''' No, no.
 '''Chris:''' Yup.
 '''Bob:''' ''(chuckling)'' Hope it's waterproof in there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ''(picks up and shakes the snow globe to demonstrate)'' And it's got-- the pho, photos are in a-- are behind a plastic. I mean-- ''(turns the snow globe upside-down and starts removing the bottom)''
 '''Barb:''' Don't open it, don't open it.
 '''Chris:''' You see, the bottom is removable. See?
 '''Bob:''' Well... we know that.
 '''Chris:''' See? Look at that, see? There's a slide here.
 '''Bob:''' Oh. So they're waterproof.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they're fine.
 '''Bob:''' That's a good idea.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got that o-- I got that snow globe over at Wal-Mart. ... All right, well let's see what's in this one. ''(starts opening a present)'' I picked that one out special for y'all, that card. Let's see what's in here! Look! It's an Autobot!
 '''Bob:''' An Autobot?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Didn't know they were that fancy.
 '''Chris:''' Well these guys are.
 '''Barb:''' The Transformer.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Boy, they sure got fancy over the years.
 '''Chris:''' Yup, they sure did. ''(Chris places the unwrapped Transformer on the table and rummages around under the tree again)'' And one last present! It's a big one. ''(unwraps)'' And then I got another Autobot and a Decepticon!
 '''Bob:''' Hooray.
 '''Barb:''' Very good. Yay, Merry Christmas. ''(claps)''
 '''Chris:''' Yay, Merry Christmas to you all, I mean I got you all a snow globe
 '''Bob:''' Careful with that cord.
 '''Chris:''' ''(switching back to baby talk)'' I got you all a snow globe. And a video, and a little hamstuh. You like the hamstuh, Mommy?
 '''Barb:''' Yeah. I think it's broken.
 '''Chris:''' Um, it-it c-- it came that way. It was the last one they had. That's no problem, 'cause you know it can still stand.
 '''Barb:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' It's not like it's gonna leak.
 '''Barb:''' Yeah, okay. That's cool. Yeah, that's neat. Merry Christmas.
 '''Chris:''' Yup, Merry Christmas!
 '''Barb:''' Yeah, now we'll go back downstairs, (work to be done??)
 '''Bob:''' Have a snappy New Year.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, snappy New Year, huh?

{{CWC on TV}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-25]]