CWCki - User contributions [en]

Mumble 9

2012-08-06T03:26:53Z

A Pop To Lick It:

'''Mumble 9''' is the ninth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]], held on 23 [[February 2009]]. The trolls, who have been mostly playing along with Chris in the chats so far, suddenly take a much darker turn and gang up on him.

Of note, though the Miscreants made it clear in the chat that their mission was to keep Chris a virgin forever, as of [[April 2012]], it ended in failure.

==Summary==
[[File:Clyde and The Miscreants.png|300px|thumb|right|RA RI RU RE RO!]]
In the short ninth chat,
* [[Chris]] enters a room full of [[Miscreants]].
* The trolls tell Chris that their mission is to stop him from ever getting [[china]], and that they have many operatives including the infamous [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].
* [[Arjen Van Dierten|Arjen]] begins yelling at Chris, calling him a [[Homos|fag]], and Chris screams about his dead [[Aunt Corrina]] and leaves the chat.
{{clear}}

==Transcript==
'''Clyde:''' Welcome to the brothers, [[the Miscreants]].
 [''Trolls pipe in with "Brother!"'']
 '''Clyde:''' All right-
 '''Chris:''' First, stop this. Look, I did that vid- look, I did the- first off, I did that video just for [[Julie]]. And [[Max|her brother]] found it on her computer and uploaded it to the [[YouTube]] without neither of our consent.
 [pause]
 '''Clyde:''' Do you understand what the Miscreants are, that her brother is part of it? He has been a very valuable member. [''pause''] Do you understand what the Miscreants are, Chris? '''Do you understand why we're here, fool?'''
 '''Chris:''' Let me guess, you're all a bunch of [[troll]]s, aren't you.
 '''Trolls:''' No-
 '''Clyde:''' NO.
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent]
 '''Clyde:''' Look. Ever since Evan from /v/- well, you don't know what /v/ is, but ever since Evan posted those gay pictures with the "[[Masturbating and squirtin'|masturbatin' and squirtin']]"- we have been there, from the beginning.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Clyde:''' Don't you remember [[Evan]], the person who sent you gay pictures of [[Sonichu]] and you having sex? ''[Chris sighs]'' In [[2007]]?
 '''Troll:''' Don't tell me Chris, the [[stress]] is going to make you leave. I'm sorry, guys, would you stop stressing him?
 '''Clyde:''' SILENCE! [pause] Do you remember?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Clyde:''' Do you remember [[Jason]]- always a valuable member, always willing to take the fall for me- c- creating the [[ED]] page, getting their e-mails? He was a good member too. [''pause''] And can't you remember [[Blanca]], the one who destroyed your [[medallion]]? Remember?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Clyde:''' All part of the Miscreants, Chris. And the latest member: [[PandaHalo|Sarah McKenzie]]. Or you know her as "Panda". She's not dead. She's alive, at my side. Panda's sleeping right now, I shouldn't be talking so loud, anyway- yes. I can't believe you fell for her.
 [''pause, a troll says something incoherent'']
 '''Clyde:''' We've been here from the beginning. Do you know why, Chris?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' You're trying to make a slander out of me and a fool? Or just pick on me-
 '''Clyde:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Or just to pick on-
 '''Clyde:''' No, no! The goal is to make sure you never get laid. That is the goal of the Miscreants.
 '''Troll:''' [[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]].
 '''Other Troll:''' Our goal is that you are a virgin, foreva!
 '''Chris:''' I ask you, why do y'all have to pick on me like this?
 '''Clyde:''' You don't care about women. That is why.
 '''Chris:''' [''talking over Clyde's second sentence''] I do care about women.
 '''Troll:''' And you are a disgusting pig.
 '''Clyde:''' [at the same time as troll] Then why are there females in our operation against you?
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] I know y'all are doin'- I know y'all are doin' it- or have been doin' this just for the [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laughs]] against me.
 '''Troll:''' We have?
 '''Chris:''' But don't y'all have to-
 '''Troll:''' This is far more than laughs, Chris-chan.
 '''Other Troll:''' This is serious.
 [pause]
 '''Troll:''' You are a foul, stinky pig that must be eradicated from this Earth.
 '''Clyde:''' No, no, he must not be eradicated. He must be made an example of, of a horrible man, destined to never, ever, have a wife, or even girlfriends.
 '''Chris:''' SHUT. UP! Why do you have to pick on me like this? You don't need to do this! Don't you all have lives of your own? Can't you go find your own sweethearts to do with? I'm not even-
 '''Clyde:''' Why do you think this whole operation matters, Chris? Why do you think a sweetheart will solve everything?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' We have lots to talk-
 '''Chris:''' Look, I care-
 '''Troll:''' We must protect the women from you.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I care about the women for their own personalities.
 '''Troll:''' No you don't!
 '''Chris:''' Yes I do!
 '''Troll:''' LIES.
 '''Other Troll:''' Bullshit.
 '''Third Troll:''' Lies! You don't resp-[is cut off]
 '''Chris:''' Yes I do respect respect women.
 [People talk over each other]
 '''Chris:''' I care about their personalities, you bastards!
 '''Clyde:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I ca- I care about their personalities. I care about them- about how they feel. I care about- everything about them. They-
 '''Female Troll:''' Chris, you don't respect them. You only respect their [[China|cunts]].
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] What?
 '''Troll:''' You gotta respect the ladies, man.
 '''Chris:''' I do respect the ladies.
 '''Clyde:''' No you don't. Prove it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, how do ya want me to prove it?
 '''Clyde:''' Exactly; you can't!
 '''Chris:''' I can prove it, I'm just not sure how- how do you want me to prove that I respect the women that I- like I do?
 '''Troll:''' Because you don't. You don't know how. You can't.
 '''Chris:''' I can prove it. Now what do you want me to do to prove myself?
 '''Clyde:''' You have to figure that one out on your own. Otherwise- if we tell you, then, we've already given you the answer! Nobody tell him!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Jesus Christ.
 [pause]
 '''Clyde:''' Julie has ruined this. Why did you have to go for the TRUE and HONEST love- we had [[Sarah May]] distract you from her, but no, she failed. [''pause''] But it's not gonna be a problem soon.
 '''Chris:''' You leave, you leave Julie alone!
 '''Clyde:''' No. [''Troll makes buzzer sound''] I need to protect her, from you. I'd rather have her marry me.
 '''Chris:''' Look, Clyde, we've already- look, Clyde, I was- I listened to you. And I've been thinking about the job situation. I have-
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I don't care about any of that anymore. Ever since you said you hate the Chinese to her, to Julie-
 '''Chris:''' Wait, wait a minute, what?
 '''Troll:''' Chris-
 '''Other Troll:''' I LOVE NIPPON.
 '''Clyde:''' You said it yourself. Don't deny it. You hate the Chinese. You said that yourself. You made a mockery-
 '''Chris:''' [interrupts] I NEVER SAID THAT! I never said I hated the Chinese!
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, you totally said that, dawg.
 '''Clyde:''' Don't try to lie-
 '''Chris:''' I never said that!
 '''Clyde:''' I heard your computer. I've been listening to you. Don't you dare lie to me!
 '''Chris:''' I don't even remember saying anything like that.
 '''Female Troll''': We all remember.
 '''Indian Troll''': I remember.
 '''Clyde:''' [''unintelligible''] you pig, it was something [''unintelligible''] to Julie, you said something like "Ohhh, me so Chinese" and then Julie said something like "So was that Chinese or Japanese?" and you said "Who cares? They all speak the same!" ''Don't you remember''?
 '''Trolls''': Yes, yeah, yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay okay, I'm sorry I said that.
 '''Clyde:''' No you aren't!
[''cries of protest from trolls'']
 '''Clyde:''' ...but then you say you hate the Chinese. How is that not racist?
[''more cries'']
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, look, I respect the Chinese.
[''lots of people talking at once'']
 '''Chris:''' I WAS TRYING TO MAKE JULIE SMILE!
 '''Clyde:''' ...you say that with the Chinese.
 '''Troll''': By being hateful?
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to make Julie smile by making her laugh.
 '''Troll''': Julie is an idiot.
 '''Clyde:''' That is horrible, Chris. This is why you are-this is why no one should ever be with you, ever.
 '''Troll''': DESTINED TO VIRGINTUDE FOREVER.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Will y'all just leave me alone-leave her alone?
 '''Female Troll''': No
 '''Clyde:''' No. We must convince her that you are the most despicable man. She's a little naïve, but we'll turn her.
 '''Troll''': We do.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, leave her alone!
 '''Clyde:''' We're not leaving her alone. This is for her own good.
 '''Female Troll''': We're trying to help her Chris, don't you see?
 '''Chris:''' No![''stress sigh'']
 '''Troll''': Again, be a man and put some fucking bass into your voice, you pig!
 '''Chris:''' What?!
 '''Clyde:''' You sound like a little girl, how is that manly in any way?
 '''Chris:''' Y'all are making me very nervous right now.
 '''Troll''': How are we making you nervous?
 '''Chris:''' Y'all are ticking-y'all are fuckin' and ticking me-y'all are fucking pissing me OFF right now.
 [noise]
 '''Clyde:''' Look, it's not you who should be pissed at us, it's we who are pissed at you. You are a despicable human being.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I was-Julie asked me to send her that video, alright?
 '''Clyde:''' I don't care about that video, what makes you think I care about that video?
 '''Chris:''' She cared about me and I cared about her very much! I wouldn't have gone to so much trouble to make my family believe that she was real. I wouldn't have gone through so much trouble to find-to try to find [[Molvanîa]] on the map!
 '''Troll''': Who cares?
 '''Clyde:''' That doesn't mean you care about her, you just want her for sex!
 '''Chris:''' NO! I care about Julie for who she is!
 '''Trolls''':[''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie for her!
 '''Troll''': Yes, her [[china]]. You sick fucking pig.
 '''Chris:''' ''No'', for her ''personality'' and the way she cares about me very much.
 '''Troll''': What personality? You don't know anything about her personality!
 '''Chris:''' She is a very sweet woman!
 '''Troll''': You haven't even met her in real life.
 '''Chris:''' Maybe not yet, but I'm going-I'm going to.
 '''Clyde:''' It'll be too late.
 '''Chris:''' You leave her alone!
 '''Clyde:''' We're not going to leave her alone until she's safe, with us.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] What...?
 '''Clyde:''' What are you going to do, get your [[fanbase]] on us? Your fanbase that doesn't exist?
 '''Troll''': Chris, I have something to tell you. We are the fanbase.
 '''Troll''': Yes, all of them!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Trolls''': RA RI RU RE RO!
 '''Clyde:''' RA RI RU RE RO!
 '''Clyde:''' Look, you can make a video on YouTube, trying to out the Miscreants. You can say all that you want about Clyde, how much you hate him, but it's not going to do a thing. But I dare you, do it. Stand up for yourself, stand up for Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Clyde, I'm standing up for myself bruf-by listening to you bastards.
 '''Trolls''': [''laughter'']
 '''Clyde:''' You just listen and take it like the bitch you are. You don't do any action. Never!
 '''Chris:''' I DO ACTION! I done a lot more than any of you-any of you- [''cut off'']
 '''Troll''': Is that right?
 '''Female Troll''': You don't even know.
 '''Chris:''' Why do you all have to mean so much disrespect against me?
 '''Clyde:''' It's not disrespect for you... [''too much talking'']
 '''Chris:''' I am a respectable human being!
 '''Trolls''': No you're not!
 '''Arjen''': You're a fucking scuzzbucket, you stupid fag! What the fuck are you doing here right now Chris, what the hell?
 '''Indian Troll''': Arjen, settle down!
 '''Arjen''': I've been waiting for this for a long time.
 '''Clyde:''' Do you know why we despise you so much? It's because you are a horrible human being whose only goal in life is to have sex.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Arjen''': Hang yourself Chris, kill yourself for us!
 '''Trolls''': [''cries of protest'']
 '''Chris:''' I've got my Aunt Corina's death to worry about and her funeral tomorrow [''cut off'']
 '''Trolls''': We don't care!
 '''Chris:''' You just... fuck off!
 '''Female Troll''': He left!
 [''unintelligible, trolls talking over one another'']
 '''Female Troll:''' He left!
 '''Troll:''' Arjen, you're just fucking abusing him.
 '''Trolls:''' [''talking over one another''] Arjen, you just went overboard.
 '''Troll:''' I mean we're basically just taunting him, we're not actually, like [''unintelligible, more talking over one another'']
 '''Trolls:''' Don't worry he'll be back
 '''Trolls:''' [''unintelligible, more talking over one another''] We're the only fans you have.
 '''Clyde:''' Don't worry, Chris will come back when he realizes Julie's in danger.
 '''Troll:''' No he won't.
 '''Trolls:''' Yes, what we should do is have like, quote Julie unquote be like: 'Oh my brother's like with the miscreants and now they're holding me hostage like my brother's
 '''Female Troll:''' [''Over other troll''] Hey, it's push to talk.
 '''Trolls:''' ...Turn me into [''unintelligible'']
 '''Trolls:''' [''unintelligible, more talking over one another'']
 '''Troll:''' No, no, I mean like have Julie, have Julie send, Julie's brother's with the miscreants, hold Julie hostage, he's like, you know what, I'm sorry to your sister but, I'm going to take you in, I'm going to take you to Clyde. Listen, I have to do this for your sake, I have to take you to Clyde. Put in a few message for Chris.
 [''audio cuts'']
 '''Troll:''' That doesn't sound
 [''audio cuts'']
 '''Troll:''' RA RI RU RE RO!
 '''Trolls:''' [''unintelligible''] We'll see what happens.

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 8|Mumble Chat 8]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 9.5|Mumble Chat 9.5]]|}}

==Links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBdFhlRzVPZlNFZE0 Download]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiSev0QXgZY On YouTube (Part 1)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VaxdAa87Bo On YouTube (Part 2)]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Main Page

2012-08-02T09:00:30Z

A Pop To Lick It: Undo revision 162217 by Lovesunshine (talk)

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[[Category:Special]]

CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

2012-07-31T09:01:08Z

A Pop To Lick It: some of these are hella out of date

New people are being initiated to the horrors of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s world every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran [[Miscreant]] might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about everyone's favorite manchild.

==Trolling==

; Is Chris a [[troll]]? Is the whole thing a hoax?
: '''No.''' The verified documentation on Chris's entire life is way too complete and detailed for it to be a reverse-troll setup. There are news reports from his childhood confirming his autism; see [[Chris in the media]]. There are [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|two]] [[University of Virginia#UVA student on Chris|different]] blogs about Chris's behavior that were published before any of us had ever heard of him. [[Sonichu]] has existed since [[2000]]. Phone calls have been made to Chris's parents and his [[Rocky Shoemaker call|pastoral counselor]]. Chris got [[28 October 2011|arrested and charged]] and acted like himself [[This is how the Trial went|even in court]]. Read around on this wiki for more and more evidence.

; How can you get off taunting an [[autistic]] guy?
: As CWCki editors, we don't do the trolling; we just write about it. Still, people don't troll Chris because he's autistic, but rather because he's a [[Niggos|racist]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[Homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and death|unsympathetic]], [[Bob Chandler|ungrateful]], [[Manchester High School#Graduation|jealous]], [[Nudes|perverse]], [[Chris and Health|disgusting]], [[The GAMe PLACe|kid-scaring]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|troll-feeding]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[Bagget|spitefully]] [[Kick the Autistic|antagonistic]] [[Parody|thief]], not to mention an all-around failure who wastes the hard-earned [[Monthly tugboat|tax money]] of average Americans on [[video games]] and [[sex toys]] while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities. He uses his autism as a crutch. He blames his lack of a job on trolls and never follows up on his promises to apply. He's someone who realizes he has a problem and what he does doesn't work but refuses to get help, even ignoring the help of [[white knights|well-meaning individuals]].

; Why don't you try helping him instead?
: [[Vivitheg|Many]] [[Jackie|people]] [[Clyde Cash|better]] [[Alec Benson Leary calls|than]] [[Sarah May|you]] have tried over the years and they have all accomplished [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|nothing]]. See the [[White knight]] article for reasons for and against ''trying'' to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, he won't listen.

; Do you exaggerate Chris's antics?
: The editors here try their hardest to paint an accurate picture of Chris's life, but that is sometimes difficult due to the subject matter. For various (good) reasons, the CWCki is largely from Chris's point of view—that is, information presented here is what Chris acknowledges to be true. Trolls are merely players on the stage that is Chris's life. It's probably best to understand the world of Chris as he understands it, much like it's best to understand a fictional world from the point of view of its characters, rather than the underlying reality of it. In other words, while Chris's reactions to events are real and the documentation of the reactions are indeed real, the situations and characters that provoke these reactions are contrived.

; Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?
: Not really, but you can try posting it on [[/cwc/]] or [[IRC:Contents|#sonichu]], where people who do troll Chris are likely to notice you.

==Psychology==

; Is he seeing a psychiatrist?
: No, but he is seeing his [[Rocky|church counselor]] and he has been sentenced to see a real psychiatrist. See [[Chris and psychology]].

; Is he really [[Autism|autistic]]?
: This is debated, but the claim has never really been falsified. He always specifies that he has [[autism|high-functioning autism]]; however, please note that "high-functioning autism" is an informal term with no actual medical significance to it (you won't find the term in any official publication by the American Psychiatric Association). Based on a cursory [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]] from [[2004]], his diagnosis was autism (DSM-IV 299.00).

; Does he have [[Asperger's syndrome]]?
: Depends on what you define as "having" Asperger's. He has never been formally diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome, he has never claimed to have it, and in fact, he angrily rejects the label outright. However, it needs to be noted that "Asperger's" did not exist as a formally recognized diagnosis when Chris was diagnosed as "high-functioning autistic" as a child in the [[1980s]]. There is a very good case to be made that Chris would most likely be given the "Asperger's" label if he had been born a few years later.

; Is he [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]]?
: A more proper word for what Chris is may be "inept". He managed to graduate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]] and obtain a [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license]]. Chris does understand the consequences of his actions, has a consistent ethical system (albeit a warped, [[Chris and his ego|self-serving]] one), and recognizes what he's doing isn't working (though he chooses to pin the blame on [[Greene County Conspiracy|external]] [[trolls|forces]] or goes about his way anyways). The more likely answer to his perceived retardation is that he has very little common sense, which may be attributed (along with the [[autism|obvious]]) to excessive parental sheltering. However, given that he receives [[Monthly tugboat|regular payments from the government]] and does not demonstrate the competence to commit successful fraud, it has to be assumed that he was legitimately diagnosed at some point with some kind of disability.

==Sex==
; Why didn't he hire a prostitute earlier?
: For the majority of his [[love quest]], Chris refused to hire a hooker. The reasons varied: prostitutes are not TRUE and HONEST love, they are [[Chris and money|expensive]], and Chris is afraid of STDs<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>. His ideal sex partner would also do all the work around [[14 Branchland Court|the house]], give him her income to spend on video games, and otherwise serve as his replacement [[Barb|mother]]—all of which a prostitute would be unwilling to do. When some prostitutes were sent to his house in early [[2009]], he cried.<ref>[[Hooker incident]]</ref> However, as his thirties approached, he got more lenient about his policy towards hookers. He once tried to solicit the services of a prostitute by phone, and tried to get a discount by offering the chance of deflowering him and telling his life story; the prostitute hung up on him.<ref>[[Chris and sex|#Prostitution]]</ref> He finally claimed on [[Facebook]] in [[April 2012]] to have fucked a hooker.<ref>[[:File:Virginbreaker.png]]</ref>

; Is he [[homos|gay]]?
: This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there's no consensus on this. He acts as though he's into women. On the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked, he makes a practice of meditating upon ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' in order to keep himself straight, and [[semen|he drinks his own semen]]. Most likely, Chris is either a) a homophobic straight guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he's an idiot, b) a homophobic bi-curious guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he personally has homoerotic fantasies that he desperately tries to suppress, or c) too immature to have a real sexual preference, so he ends up overdoing his straightness. It's worth noting that a moderately common characteristic of autism is difficulty or inability to be intimate with another person.

; Is he a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]]?
: While he has stated that he does not consider himself one<ref>[[Sarah_Reveals_Herself#Chris_tries_to_leave|Chris admits to Sarah May that he is slightly turned on by Rosechu, though he maintains he is not a furry.]]</ref>, he does enjoy [[:File:Chris-chan_Traced.JPG|porn]] of anthropomorphic characters, and he [[Rule 34|draws his own]]. He also identifies with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|several]] [[Sonichu (character)|anthropomorphic]] [[Robbie|avatars]]. He may find it easier to draw and relate to cartoon characters over humans, but he has never identified as a furry and does not participate in the wider furfag community.

; Is he a [[pedofork|pedophile]]?
: No, but people imply otherwise to troll him. One of the few kind things [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] said about Chris in a [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|troll Q&A thread]] was that he probably wasn't a pedophile and that people are trying too hard with that. He ''has'' stated he would like to [[Mailbag 3#In which Chris advises Hitler to keep his Promises|lower his state's legal age of consent to sixteen]], but this is more likely due to a childish mindset and an inability to move past [[high school]] than latent pedophilia.

; Is Chris a crossdresser? A transvestite? Does he want a sex change?
: He is a transvestite in that he dresses in the clothing of the opposite gender, but he does not want to be mistaken for or referred to as a woman, placing him firmly in the cross-dresser category. He has been known to wear miniskirts, [[Muscle_bra|bras]], and panties. On multiple occasions, he has worn female clothing [[Forgot the Glitter|in public]]. He calls himself a [[Tomgirl|"tomgirl"]], and he somehow thinks this is attractive to [[Boyfriend-free girl|potential sweethearts]]. This also means a sex change is extremely unlikely. However, [[Mumble 1|Chris has mentioned]] that if he were ever to "become" homosexual, he would have a sex change.

==''Sonichu''==
; What's the deal with ''[[Sonic]]'', anyway?
: He has always liked kids' games, and has won a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sega contest]] that allowed him to stock up on ''Sonic'' titles. ''Sonic'' appears to have certain qualities that attract autistics more than other game series.

; Where can I find the uncensored images from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]?
: [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|Here]], you sick fuck.

; Will he do more [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics?]]
: Chris hasn't written a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic since [[February 2010]] and is unlikely to ever do another one. He attributes his beloved creation's unceremonious end to his [[trolls]] and [[trolls|fans]] being too demanding and the comic not being fun to draw anymore, though the reason could just as easily be that he's lazy.

==Contact Chris==

; I want to e-mail Chris and pretend to be [[Megan]]/[[Jimmy Hill]]/[[Jesus]]/[[Michael Snyder]]. Can I have his e-mail?
: It's ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, but Chris doesn't read e-mails from people he doesn't already know.<ref>[[Kacey Call 23]]: "I don't even bother to open their e-mails. So I just expand on the e- on the sender's address and then add them to my block list."</ref>

; What are his dox?
: Chris goes through his mail and supposedly filters out [[troll]] letters. [[Barb|His mother]] does likewise, though she sometimes reads the content but disregards it as something she already knows. If you think writing a handwritten letter (or doing something lulzy) to Chris or his mother will somehow force him to read it and convince Chris to change the errors of his ways, you are almost certainly out of luck. The same goes for Chris's phone. Most of the time they let it go to the answering machine since so many trolls call. Before his untimely demise, [[Bob]] would pick up the phone and keep track of who called for legal reasons. Chris will generally not answer his cellphone unless it's a number he recognizes or from a local area code.

: But if you insist, you can find them [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|here]] and [[dox|here]].

==Miscellaneous==

; What does he smell like?
: According to [[Emily]], "rotten watermelons." According to [[Robert Simmons V]], a variant of the [[Colossal Chan|homeless person]] stank. According to field agents, body odor masked with gallons of [[Axe]]. Point is, [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|Chris smells awful]].

; What's the deal with Chris's [[Heterochromia|eyes]]?
: According to Chris, his eyes were originally blue but he got pink eye in his right eye during high school and medication for it turned it green. His eyes are only faintly different and definitely not to the degree that they're depicted in his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic form]]. A cursory examination of [[:File:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this image]] demonstrates that he has had heterochromia since at least elementary school. Additionally, it's fairly common for people with blue or green eyes to have one eye of a slightly different hue.

; What's the deal with the striped shirts?
: Many of Chris's shirts were bought by [[Barbara|his mother]] from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.<ref>[[Mailbag 42|Mailbag #42]]</ref> They've been rarely seen since Chris got into the habit of [[Tomgirl|cross-dressing]].

; What's the deal with the [[Shirt#Wrist warmer|yellow thing]] on the back of the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] chain?
: It's a Wilson wrist warmer he wears because the chain irritates his skin.<ref>E-mail from Chris posted in old PVCC thread #162
</ref> — probably due to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a common trait in [[autism]]

; Does Chris drink or do drugs?
: Chris is firmly against [[Tobacky|smoking]] and drug abuse. He used to be against [[alcohol|drinking]] as well, but a video of him drinking a [[semen|salty]]-tasting [[Long Island Iced Tea]] turned up in [[2009]]. He has also been known to drink [[6 June 2010|Budweiser]] and [[100 2281|Kahlúa]].

; What's this about Chris hating ''[[Harry Potter]]''?
: As Chris mentions [[Mailbag_7#Harry Potter: total spaz|here]] and [[Mumble 2|here]], Chris pretty much hated it since it was "competition" for ''[[Pokémon]]''. However, he did own a PSone ''Harry Potter'' game, and his stance softened under [[Jackie]]'s influence.

; What's this about Jimmy Hill?
: [[Jimmy Hill]] was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sycophant Squad (S.A.S.S.), but disintegrated in [[November 2008]] at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his [[Sonichu]] character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This is one of very few recorded examples of Chris realizing that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it. Despite this, he still has a grudge against Jimmy Hill, leaving him in the final version of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] from [[December 2009]].

: Of note, Jimmy Hill passed the "rights" to Sonichu in Europe to [[Liquid Chris|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].

; Why does Chris call his welfare check a "[[monthly tugboat]]"?
: Basically, it's a very weird contortion of the phrase "Our ship has come in," referring to a fortuitous event. Whereas winning the lottery is like a large cruise ship coming in, for Chris, getting $809 a month for sitting on his ass is like a small boat—like a [[Wikipedia:Tugboat|tugboat]]—coming in for him.

; Where does Chris currently publish new content?
: His [[YouTube]] accounts have been inactive for a long time, and his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|original site]] and [[CWCipedia]] are dead. He does post new stuff on [[Facebook]] occasionally.

; Where can I learn more about this guy?
: Well, right here at [[CWCki|this fine wiki]], of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, I would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the [[Megan|Megan Saga and the release of the e-mail correspondence between the two]]. Other resources include:

:* [http://cwcki.forumer.com The CWCki Forum] the official forum of this fine wiki
:* [[/cwc/]] imageboard
:* [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu (IRC chat)]]
:* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] (not quite as reliable)

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Special]]

My Coke Rewards

2012-06-11T00:54:54Z

A Pop To Lick It:

[[Image:rubi_110309.jpg|thumb|Chris, the closet telenovela fan. Who'd have thought?]]

'''My Coke Rewards''' is a loyalty program that rewards frequent Coca-Cola drinkers with various products.

Chris has 8,000 points, enough to buy the most valuable prizes available through the program four times over.

Chris drinks about 1.8 litres (over three pints) of Coke ''every day'' (assuming that none of it was drank by his equally obese parents). This represents a grotesque 195 grams (nearly seven ounces) of sugar per day from Coke alone, representing almost ''nine hundred'' calories. To put that in perspective, Chris drank enough Coke to fill ''ten oil barrels'' in order to achieve said amount of points. [[30 Push-Ups|Needless to say]], [[Chris and health|the effects are staggering.]]

==Chris's Coke Habits==

3 Points: Any Bottle (including water, up to 2L)

10 Points: 12 Pack of Cans (Or 12 water bottles)

20 Points: 24 Pack of Cans (Or 24 water bottles)

25 Points: 36 Pack of Cans

{| class="wikitable"
!Date
!Point per Soda
!Amount of Soda
!Bottles of Soda
!Cans of Soda
!Total Points
!Bonus?
|-
|3/6/07
|3
|3
|3
|0
|9
|No
|-
|3/8/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|3/10/07
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|3/13/07
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|3/14/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|3/15/07
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|3/18/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|3/24/07
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|3/26/07
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|3/27/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/1/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/3/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|4/7/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|4/8/07
|3
|6
|6
|0
|18
|No
|-
|4/10/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/12/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/14/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|4/17/07
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|4/19/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|4/21/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/22/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/25/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/28/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/29/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|5/2/07
|3
|18
|18
|0
|54
|No
|-
|5/2/07
|0
|0
|0
|0
|10
|Yes
|-
|5/3/07
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|5/5/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|5/7/07
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|5/9/07
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|5/12/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|5/13/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|5/14/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|5/16/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|5/17/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|5/21/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|5/22/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|5/23/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|5/26/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|5/27/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|5/31/07
|3
|19
|19
|0
|57
|No
|-
|6/2/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|6/5/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|6/6/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|6/7/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|6/9/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|6/10/07
|3
|18
|18
|0
|54
|No
|-
|6/12/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|6/14/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|6/17/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|6/18/07
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|6/21/07
|3
|16
|16
|0
|48
|No
|-
|6/25/07
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|7/3/07
|3
|20
|20
|0
|60
|No
|-
|7/7/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|7/9/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|7/11/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|7/14/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|7/17/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|7/17/07
|3
|0
|0
|0
|27
|Yes
|-
|7/24/07
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|7/24/07
|3
|0
|0
|0
|6
|Yes
|-
|7/28/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|7/28/07
|3
|0
|0
|0
|30
|Yes
|-
|8/4/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|8/6/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|8/7/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|8/9/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|8/11/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|8/15/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|8/18/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|8/20/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|8/20/07
|10
|1
|0
|12
|10
|No
|-
|8/24/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|8/24/07
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|8/29/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|8/29/07
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|9/1/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|9/8/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|9/8/07
|10
|1
|0
|12
|10
|No
|-
|9/9/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|9/12/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|9/13/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|9/13/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|9/18/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|9/24/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|9/24/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|9/25/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|9/27/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|9/27/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|9/30/07
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|10/9/07
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|10/9/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|10/18/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|10/19/07
|20
|2
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|10/24/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|10/25/07
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|10/29/07
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|10/29/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|11/3/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|11/3/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|11/10/07
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|11/10/07
|10
|3
|0
|36
|30
|No
|-
|11/18/07
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|11/18/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|11/29/07
|3
|6
|6
|0
|18
|No
|-
|11/29/07
|20
|3
|0
|72
|60
|No
|-
|12/11/07
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|12/11/07
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|12/11/07
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|12/17/07
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|12/17/07
|20
|2
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|1/4/08
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|1/4/08
|20
|4
|0
|96
|80
|No
|-
|1/4/08
|10
|1
|0
|12
|10
|No
|-
|1/19/08
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|1/27/08
|10
|9
|0
|108
|90
|No
|-
|1/27/08
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|2/16/08
|3
|3
|3
|0
|9
|No
|-
|2/16/08
|10
|7
|0
|84
|70
|No
|-
|3/1/08
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|3/1/08
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|3/1/08
|20
|2
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|3/14/08
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|3/14/08
|10
|5
|0
|60
|50
|No
|-
|3/14/08
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|3/20/08
|3
|9
|9
|0
|27
|No
|-
|3/20/08
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|4/9/08
|10
|10
|0
|120
|100
|No
|-
|4/23/08
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/26/08
|3
|10
|10
|0
|30
|No
|-
|4/27/08
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|4/27/08
|10
|7
|0
|84
|70
|No
|-
|4/27/08
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|5/8/08
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|5/8/08
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|5/8/08
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|5/12/08
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|5/12/08
|10
|1
|0
|12
|10
|No
|-
|5/21/08
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|5/21/08
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|5/30/08
|3
|6
|6
|0
|18
|No
|-
|5/30/08
|10
|5
|0
|60
|50
|No
|-
|6/10/08
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|6/12/08
|10
|3
|0
|36
|30
|No
|-
|6/25/08
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|6/25/08
|10
|0
|0
|0
|40
|Yes
|-
|6/25/08
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|7/1/08
|20
|2
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|7/13/08
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|7/15/08
|3
|3
|3
|0
|9
|No
|-
|7/24/08
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|8/7/08
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|8/7/08
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|9/4/08
|3
|4
|4
|0
|12
|No
|-
|9/4/08
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|9/13/08
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|9/14/08
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|9/20/08
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|10/14/08
|25
|1
|0
|36
|25
|No
|-
|10/15/08
|25
|1
|0
|36
|25
|No
|-
|10/15/08
|3
|8
|8
|0
|24
|No
|-
|10/18/08
|25
|1
|0
|36
|25
|No
|-
|10/21/08
|25
|1
|0
|36
|25
|No
|-
|10/21/08
|10
|5
|0
|60
|50
|No
|-
|10/23/08
|25
|2
|0
|72
|50
|No
|-
|10/28/08
|25
|3
|0
|108
|75
|No
|-
|11/21/08
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|11/21/08
|10
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|11/21/08
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|12/7/08
|10
|3
|0
|36
|30
|No
|-
|12/19/08
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|12/19/08
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|1/7/09
|10
|7
|0
|84
|70
|No
|-
|1/7/09
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|2/18/09
|10
|6
|0
|72
|60
|No
|-
|2/18/09
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|3/24/09
|3
|5
|5
|0
|15
|No
|-
|3/24/09
|10
|10
|0
|120
|100
|No
|-
|4/17/09
|3
|6
|6
|0
|18
|No
|-
|4/17/09
|10
|5
|0
|60
|50
|No
|-
|5/11/09
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|5/11/09
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|5/19/09
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|5/27/09
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|5/27/09
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|6/4/09
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|6/4/09
|10
|6
|0
|72
|60
|No
|-
|6/15/09
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|6/15/09
|20
|2
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|6/30/09
|3
|7
|7
|0
|21
|No
|-
|6/30/09
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|6/30/09
|10
|6
|0
|72
|60
|No
|-
|7/8/09
|3
|2
|2
|0
|6
|No
|-
|7/8/09
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|7/8/09
|10
|4
|0
|48
|40
|No
|-
|8/15/09
|20
|5
|0
|120
|100
|No
|-
|8/15/09
|3
|6
|6
|0
|18
|No
|-
|8/19/09
|10
|7
|0
|84
|70
|No
|-
|8/22/09
|10
|1
|0
|12
|10
|No
|-
|8/24/09
|10
|1
|0
|12
|10
|No
|-
|8/24/09
|3
|1
|1
|0
|3
|No
|-
|9/4/09
|10
|7
|0
|84
|70
|No
|-
|9/4/09
|20
|1
|0
|24
|20
|No
|-
|Total:
|n/a
|n/a
|905 Bottles
|3624 Cans
|5503 Points
|n/a
|}

==Chris's rewards==

In return for his prodigious consumption of caramel coloring and high fructose corn syrup, Chris has picked up a wide variety of prizes through the My Coke Rewards program. His choices include $50 in gift certificates for Simon Malls (Simon is the real estate company that owns and operates [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]), five free game and movie rentals from Blockbuster Video, and 40 free song downloads and one free album download from [[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads|Rhapsody.com]]. This possibly goes some way to explaining why he downloads all his music legally, instead of treating [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] with his usual contempt.

He also acquired a "30+ Minute Downloadable Motivational Workout Music Mix," which he will never use in his life. Period.

{|class="wikitable"
!Prize
!Points
!Date
|-
|$25 SonyStyle Gift Card
|500
|4/29/07
|-
|One Game Rental at BLOCKBUSTER
|80
|5/7/07
|-
|One Game Rental at BLOCKBUSTER
|80
|6/12/07
|-
|DVD set of Rubi Novela
|345
|7/6/07
|-
|One 20 ounce Coca-Cola Product
|0
|7/6/07
|-
|One Movie Rental at BLOCKBUSTER
|45
|8/25/07
|-
|$25.00 Simon Giftaccount (SM)
|625
|8/20/07
|-
|$25.00 Simon Giftaccount (SM)
|625
|11/3/07
|-
|$5 Off Season 6 of "24" on DVD
|0
|11/3/07
|-
|One Game Rental at BLOCKBUSTER
|80
|3/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Full Album Download from Rhapsody.com
|225
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/21/08
|-
|Universal Grad Bash 2008 Battle of the Bands
|0
|5/21/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/30/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|5/31/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|6/12/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|6/25/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|6/25/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|6/25/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|7/1/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|7/15/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|7/15/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|33
|7/24/08
|-
|Single-Song Download from Rhapsody.com
|43
|8/7/08
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|11/21/08
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|11/21/08
|-
|$10 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|440
|1/7/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|2/19/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|3/24/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|3/24/09
|-
|$1 @ Rhapsody MP3 Store
|6
|4/17/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|4/17/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|5/11/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|5/19/09
|-
|Don't Quit Music (30+ minute Downloadable Motivational Workout Music Mix)
|10
|6/4/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|6/15/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|6/30/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|7/24/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|7/24/09
|-
|Rhapsody Music Every Minute
|1
|8/15/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|8/24/09
|-
|$1 Rhapsody MP3 Store Credit
|43
|8/24/09
|}

==See also==
*[[CWC Cola]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mycokerewards.com The official My Coke Rewards website]
* http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?n2bjtmemyyj
* http://www.mediafire.com/?m21jzkmmkvt

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Websites]]

Mailbag 55

2012-06-03T05:20:55Z

A Pop To Lick It:

'''Mailbag 55''' was uploaded to the [[CWCipedia]] in the early hours of 4 [[February 2010]]. Due to the closure of the CWCipedia on 8-14 February, the response to these emails was delayed even more than usual.

Chris continues to rail against ''[[Asperchu]]'' whenever it comes up, but is that really such a surprise? Chris also gets stuck on the whole [[muscle bra]] issue, and assures us that NO ONE, EVER, IN THE ENTIRE WORLD wants to ever once see a man's bare chest, and even suggests that there should be a law forcing [[Chris|fat men]] to wear bras, and regular-sized men to wear shirts at all times.

One of the most interesting letters is one that calls out Chris for being a [[Chris and religion|bad Christian]], particularly for his tendency to cast [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Satanic Curses]] on his enemies to which Chris actually agrees.

==Answered==
===That's far from the only reason===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Anna Malle|Anna Malle]] <annamalle@gmail.com>

Chris, I just read your latest CWCipedia update.

A REAL MAN DOES NOT ASK OTHERS TO FIGHT HIS BATTLES FOR HIM. If you have problems with [[Mao]], you need to arrange a meeting with him, then discuss things over and solve your differences YOURSELF, in person, non-violently.

Asking your fans to e-mail and threaten your enemy is extremely cowardly.

Drawing a comic in which you [[Gun Comic|shoot your enemy]] is cowardly. For that matter, shooting someone who is not physically threatening you is extremely cowardly.

Women HATE cowards. Women want to feel protected and safe. If you can't even protect your [[CWCipedia|website]], how are you going to protect your woman?

That is why you can't get a woman. Because you are a COWARD and a LIAR.

Right now, no woman in the world would find you attractive.

I beg you to prove me wrong. Show me that you can act like a man and solve your own problems without violence, but by using your intellect. If you can do that, I will consider driving to Ruckersville and meeting you and your parents at your home and making myself available for a date.

Sincerely,

Anna}}
{{EmailReply|If I knew where my foes lived, I would go there myself, but I do not know where they live specifically with a Street Address. I am not a coward, and I keep my [[lies]] to a Minimum. I'll bet YOU are the cowardly one. For All I know, you are likely to be [[BlueSpike|a cowardly Male pretending to be a woman]] and trying to tick me off. Nice try.}}

===On the afterlife===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Dale Gribble|Rusty Shackleford]] <rustymcshackleford@live.com>

Dearest Christian,

We all know that you are very religious, but I have a question to ask you. What do you think that Heaven and Hell are like? Do you think that in Heaven people wear flowing robe and fly around all day? Do you think that Hell is fiery and everyone there is being [[Homos|poked in the rear]] by [[Beel|Satan]]. I would just really love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks,

Rusty}}
{{EmailReply|You've just answered your own question; I am in agreement with you on what heaven and hell are like.}}

===Porn doesn't count===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Charles Aznavour|Charles Aznavour]] <Sazaku@aol.com>

Dear Christian,

I've been a reader of both your [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] and your (arguably far superior) sister series [[Asperchu]] for a long time now. However, I can't stand your weak, [[naive]] way of handling things. You take forever to update your comics when they are SUPPOSED to be daily, when you do post comic pages they are ridiculously anti-climactic. Honestly, I'd think the fight between [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and Chris would be far more exciting and epic, considering how much you have villified her. See, things like that are why Asperchu is more popular.

On another note, I am curious to know, since your [[Birthday|B-Day]] will be coming up in a couple weeks, what you plan on doing. Frankly, I'm impressed. If I were still a [[virgin]] at 30 I'd have killed myself by now. There is no worse torment for a man. Hell, its pathetic enough to still be a virgin at TWENTY! You're a real trooper to still have never seen a vagina. On you're B-Day, I hope to wish you a happy 30th!}}
{{EmailReply|Asperchu is NOT MINE, and I do not care to have any claim on it at all; Asperchu belongs to Alec Benson Leary. Real Life happens; I have [[chores]] around the house, errands to run and whatnot to deal with. I am going to be 28, Twenty Eight, Years Old this year. I have seen a lot of pussy in porn, for your information. And what I do on my birthday is between me, my family and my friends.}}

===No you won't===
{{Email|From: wizfisher1@aol.com

Chris, you claim you have taken many art classes. You claim you understand composition, shading and perspective. You claim you draw like a retarded 7 year old to make a artistic statement, and you really are a artistic genius. Well its time to prove you are the artist you claim to be.I challenge you to create a drawing that is conventionally good, that shows you can draw as well as a professional artist if you want to. Any medium will do, except markers, as long as its good and not in your "retarded 7 year old" style. Please post your proof on your front page for everyone to see.}}
{{EmailReply|I will consider that.}}

===Wait, what?===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Robert Neville|Robert Neville]] <theassburgers@hotmail.co.uk>

You're a bad Christian. Any good Christian would know that Jesus lived his life in order to teach humankind to love one another and to always turn the other cheek when somebody hurts us. No matter what that person may do to us, we - as Christians - are supposed to be able to forgive and to forget. Even when the Romans had Jesus nailed to the cross, bleeding profusely after merciless torture, he begged for God to forgive them, for they knew not what they had done!

You completely ignore this and continue to practise your Satanic rituals by placing curses upon your victims! You are an [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|open practicioner of witchcraft]], which you should know is condemned by Christianity due to its evil origins and purposes.

I implore you to be a better follower of the Christian faith. Instead of making these people suffer your wrath, one of the deadly sins, you should forgive them as Jesus would.

Remember -

"And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us"}}
{{EmailReply|You are right.}}

===On brassieres===
{{Email|From: Jay Hugebicep <brohotti@hotmail.com>
Chris, your site and your shenanigans always brighten up my day. But what's up with wearing a [[bra]]? Come on, you're a man, right? When was the last time you went to the beach? Girls like [[Liquid Chris|chiseled pecs and six pack abs]], Chris, not buddha bellies and manboobs. One is a sign of [[health]] and [[I AM STRONG|strength]], the other is a sign of weakness and laziness. If you want to attract potential sweethearts, you have to improve your looks.

Start with some [[pushups]] and lose the breasts. I saw [[CWC 30 Push Ups|that video where you tried to do 30 pushups]] and I was laughing so hard because you couldn't even do one properly.

Here is a video demonstrating the proper way to do a pushup.
{{#ev:youtube|Km1v-jbeNsw}}

I reccommend you start out with the modified pushup shown that the woman used, because you probably aren't strong enough to do regular ones. Try five pushups three times a day for a week, then up it by two every week after until you're fit enough to handle a regular pushup.

Guarantee you'll ditch the bra in a month.}}
{{EmailReply|[[Sports bra photo series|Yes, I do wear a bra]], I am a size 42. A LOT of Men in this world, fat, average or slender, have Man-Boobs. And NO ONE EVER WANTS TO SEE ANY MALE CHEST IN PUBLIC. IT IS VERY GROSS. I would motion with [[Barack Obama|the President]] to make it Mandetory for all men with boobs to wear a bra, and for all other males to Wear A Shirt when they go out jogging, swimming or exercising where those people would have USED TO NOT wear a shirt. As with Women, SOME THINGS ARE LEFT BETTER AS A MYSTERY.}}

===On uploading===
{{Email|From: Keith Keithson <allisfine1@gmail.com>
Chris, as of my writing, you have failed to upload one comic per day for the past five days.

Drawing the page does not count. You must upload it for it to count as an update.

And if you want to please Alec, you can remove the part of [[Episode 21]] that involves Asperchu and agree to remove [[Simonla]] in a way that pleases [[Evan]]. You can use [[Sonichu 11|the reboot]] to replace her with another character altogether.}}
{{EmailReply|All that is being taken under great consideration. Thank you.}}

===Draconian fun!===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend (novel)|Robert Neville]] <theassburgers@hotmail.co.uk>

If you were some kind of 'Great Director' in real life, and had the ability to create new laws without them having to be approved by the government and its people (much like [[CWCville|Hitler]] was able to do in the 1930's and early 1940's), what new laws would you create?

Let's aim for, say... 5 or 10 laws. Heck, go for more if you can think up that many. Remember - you can make absolutely any law you want.}}
{{EmailReply|Fair enough. 1) NO [[tobacky|SMOKING]] ALLOWED AT ALL. 2) Men are required to wear a shirt and/or a [[Muscle bra|sports bra]] at all times in public (No One EVER wants to see a dude's chest, and some things are better left a mystery). 3) ALL Women who are committed with their own boyfriend, regardless of marriage or not, will be required to wear a non-flashy BF/GF [[Ring]] at all times. That's all I have for now.}}

===The most appropriate answer ever===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Dr. Tran|Dr. Tran]]

"I have stated before that when ONE finds their Match, they KEEP Each Other; I am NOT going to separate the Couple."

One, that's not how it works in real life.

Two, they do NOT match. You yourself have stated that they are OPPOSITES. Why not use the reboot to make it so she never existed, then replace her with a Grass-type Rosechu? People who have things in common get along better than people who don't.

Also, relationships do not work that way. You don't get dreams that tell you who you're supposed to bone to create whom, you have to figure it out for yourself.}}
{{EmailReply|What is YOUR Dream Career?}}

===Yeah, polls suck===
{{Email|From: Leeland

"I have read [[Moon-Pals]], and I feel that it is more like Moon-Dorks the way Sean draws and Portrays their Events so Grotesquely. "

It's still funnier and better drawn than Sonichu. Also, it's fanbase is roughly eight times the size of your own, according to polls.}}
{{EmailReply|I pay no attention to polls.}}

===Chris the jackass===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:John Shaft|John Shaft]] <[[Wikipedia:Blaxploitation|blaxploitation]]x@gmail.com>
Hey Chris,

Recently when someone has called you out on being lazy or mean or a hypocrite in the mailbag, you say that if we knew you in person, we'd like you. I don't get it, so I'd like it if you'd clear some things up for me and your fans;

1. Why do you act like a jackass on the [[internet]] and then whine about how nobody really understands you? What do you expect us to think about you after all your bullshit?

2. How do you act different in real life?

3. Don't you think you should just try to be nicer online instead of waste people's time?

I'm sorry but I don't buy this "you just don't know the real me" crap. Some [[trolls]] actually have met you face-to-face, and they claim that you're pretty much the same self-absorbed, obnoxious prick you are on the internet. If you can show us the kind, loving, gentleman you claim to be, the trollings would most likely cease and your former fans would come back to you. I apologize if you take offense to any of this, but that isn't really my problem anymore.

Sincerely,

John Shaft}}
{{EmailReply|1) How would you feel if you were mistreated as much as I have online? And you do NOT know me in real life, so you can NOT understand me fully. 2) I am nicer, more kind and all-around humble, good gentleman. 3) Yes.}}

===Man the harpoons!===
{{Email|From: [http://www.youtube.com/user/HarryPartridge Harry Partridge]
Hey Chris,

Have you considered dating a really fat girl? They give it up easy as fuck, I should know. I've nailed some fatties before and I look like shit.

Love Harry}}
{{EmailReply|I only go up to a certain limit, like I would very rarely date a woman who weighed more than 250 lbs.}}
''A woman who weighed anywhere near 250 lbs (114 kg) would be severely obese, unless she was well over six feet tall.''

{{Mailbag}}

Chris and contests

2012-05-31T10:52:18Z

A Pop To Lick It:

Since winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]], Chris has entered a number of '''contests'''.

==Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes==
:''Main article: [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]''
The '''Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes''' was a contest held in [[1990s#1993|1993]] to promote the first [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoon, the syndicated ''[[Wikipedia:The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog|Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog]]''.

The contest's grand prize — a $1,000 [[wikipedia:KB_Toys|Kay-Bee Toys]] shopping spree — was awarded to two lucky winners, one of whom happened to be [[Chris]].

This is one of the defining moments of young Chris's life, being the first of many contests Chris has entered over the years.

==Harvey Birdman Commercial==
:''Main article: [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]''
{{Infobox/video
| name = Harvey Birdman Commercial
| video = {{#ev:youtube|l_b7S4i99JI}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2005]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}; Contest
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl]]
| next = [[Pixelated_PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
}}

In February 2005, Cartoon Network held a contest inviting viewers to make a commercial for the Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law Vol. 1 DVD set. Chris did not win the contest, or even place in the top five. This inspired him to post a complaint on the [[Adult Swim]] forums.

=="What would you do for a PS3?" contest==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Pixelated PS3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_PYyrmtbLTw}}
| stardate = 28 [[November 2006]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
| next = [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE#Watch|Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]}}

In November 2006, Chris entered [[Adult Swim]]'s "What would you do for a PS3?" contest. In his entry video, Chris says he'd throw away the cure for [[autism]], if he had it, would trade in his PS2, and would make a PS3 out of [[Pixelblocks]], and shows off his [[Pixelated PS3]]. Needless to say, Chris did not win the PS3.

==PaRappa the Rapper contest==
:''Main article: [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]''

In June 2007, Chris entered the PaRappa the Rapper Contest, which required contestants to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP]]s and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo. Chris hoped that he would win, so that he could bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to give in to her obvious passion for him.

Chris's video made it into the top 10, from which the winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in July 2007. Despite a campaign on the part of Chris, the competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]], whom Chris bears a grudge against as he felt Adam broke the rules<ref>[[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video counts as ''a cappella''. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)."

==Radio station contests==
Chris created [[Li'l Chris]] at the "Create-A-Critter Workshop" after winning a gift certificate from a radio station sometime in his early 20s.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref>

In May 2010, Chris won four tickets to an EXTREME ACTION SPORTS show from a radio call-in contest. As he could not find anyone else to go with him, even after he called the members of his Church's Young Adult Social Group, he was forced to scalp the tickets in front of the stadium and then sit alone in the bleachers beside a "lovey-dovey couple". This event prompted the [[Greene County Conspiracy]] video.

==GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes==
[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|This image was apparently worth $400.]]
Chris entered the [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] in October 2008. The competition required entrants to send in a photograph of themselves in a "guitar hero pose", for the chance to win a $400 GameStop gift certificate.

Several [[trolls]] caught sight of Chris's entry and, mistakenly believing that the person with the most votes would star in the ''Guitar Hero'' game, and encouraged people to vote for Chris. Due to this Chris went on to win the competition.

==Jackass 3D Contest==
:''Main article: [[Cwcsicle]]''
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Frozen Stalagtite RECUT
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mskavdOJJTs}}
| Stardate = 3 [[March 2011]]
| Maker = shadupp
| Video Type = Parody
}}
In February 2010, Chris entered a contest for the movie Jackass 3D, in which the person who submitted the best prank would get to appear in ''Jackass 3D''. Needless to say, Chris did not win, as he violated the rules by sticking his [[duck|penis]] in the snow for fifteen minutes, when ''Jackass''-style pranks were forbidden, and contests were supposed to send in plans or sketches.<ref>http://jackass-3d-contest.wonderhowto.com/blog/jackass-3d-prank-contest-0118504/</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Christian Weston Chandler

2012-05-31T10:32:33Z

A Pop To Lick It:

:''This article is about Chris himself. For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris Tran]] [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Kaka Makeup Basics|Kaka]] [[Jackie Chat 6|Chunky Monkey Man]]
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age 30)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–2011) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–present)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) Male escort ([[2010]], unpaid) [[Virgin]] ([[1982]])-([[2012]])
|-
|}
{{quote|I am the high-functioning [[autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Art|artistic]] [[plagiarism|inspiration]] lost with [[Health|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the [[The Wall of Originals|hand-drawing original]] [[copyrights|creator]] of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[Asperger's|high-functioning]] [[autistic]] formerly 30 year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit media franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him.]]

Yes, friends, it gets far, ''far'' worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]

Much like the Devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

Occasionally, Chris will use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].
{{clear}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do we get the feeling that he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed - by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now thirty years old, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to [[Chris and health#Hygiene|bathe]] regularly," "you can't sit in a store all day [[Attraction Sign|waiting]] for people to talk to you," and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system originally forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter) who wasn't a [[troll]].

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and [[Tomgirl Pictures|proudly cross-dresses]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref>
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to [[Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true - the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Aspergers_(CWCipedia_article)</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl—if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school". Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]]. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend...allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''Sonichu'', [[masturbation|masturbating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[Game Place|local game and card shop]]. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]]]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011|2012}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]].

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube Chris and he later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]]]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris does not see his new-found femininity as being in contradiction to heterosexuality.

In [[September 2011]], Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]] died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his [[mother]] Barbara is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her [[obesity]] is taken into account.
[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2012]]]]

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer.

In [[April 2012]], Chris finally lost his virginity.
{{clear}}

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan III: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - The 503 Faces of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler" Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2012-03-15T22:34:34Z

A Pop To Lick It: no

[[Chris]] made his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The magazine was first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]] and showcased on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]]. It was released to trolls by [[PandaHalo]] on 24 March 2009, along with the other contents of the [[Scrapbook of Fail]].
==Summary==
Chris's creative sterility is on full display here. He imitates a commercial product using [[Chris and Art|the limited tools]] available to him: he creates fake letters, traces promotional art, copies game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycles cheat codes. He even added mock-up Sonichu ads in its later stages. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding extra moves and save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for the underwater levels, or making the hidden armour in ''Mega Man X'' easier to get to, even though the latter series in question prides itself on its difficult gameplay.

All of his video game ideas are recycled from games that already exist: for instance, ''Sonic 64'' is almost exactly like ''Super Mario 64'' except with more Sonic-orientated abilities, the Sonic SNES collection is just like ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Mega Man X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles boss enemies from previous ''Mega Man'' and ''Mega Man X'' games), which would be outstanding satire on Capcom if Chris were capable of cleverness. Additionally, Chris claims that the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris also appears to be one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''"), and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

His tendency to write nothing but wish-fulfillment and [[Chris and his Ego|self-praise]] is much more prominent in the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine#Sonic Start|Player's Pulse]] section, where the fictional ''Nintendo Power'' editor heaps praise on Chris for his creativity and determination to see his dreams come true, invites him to the Nintendo of America office in Washington to watch the development of Sonic 64, gives him a copy of every Sonic game ever made, and uses his homemade magazine for a real issue of NP with his permission.

==Full Text (spelling errors preserved)==

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb]]

===Cover===

[[Chris|CHRISTIAN CHANDLER]]

'''[[Nintendo Power|NINTENDO POWER]]'''

[Drawing: [[Sonic]] jumps from a [[Sega Genesis]] to a [[Nintendo 64]].]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS [[Nintendo]]!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. [[Sonic]] [[Tails]], his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[''Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.']

[''Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D over-the-shoulder view of Sonic on a green background.'']

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[''Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.''] 
[''Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina'']

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a free copy of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.] 
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.] 
[Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.] 
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.] 
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, [[Bionic]].

[Drawing: Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[Drawing: Tails [[Autism|stands in place and stares dead ahead.]]]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ''Knuckles' Chaotix''-esque ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.] 
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb]]

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb]]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.] 
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.] 
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.] 
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses, holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb]]

====Optimus Primal====

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left|Silverbolt gets his [[duck]] out.]]

====Rattrap====

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb]]

====Dinobot====

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb]]

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.] 
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.] 
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.] 
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

====SNAKE MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

====NEON TIGER====

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<s>o</s>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.] 
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.] 
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.] 
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.] 
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, [[Barb|Snorlax]], Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| ''Nintendo Power''
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Supplement==
Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''[[Wikipedia:Compilations_in_the_Sonic_series#Sonic_Gems_Collection|Sonic Gems Collection]]''.
[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left]]
===SONICHU's Adventure===
''Zapping to the Extreme on [[GameCube]]''
{{-}}
[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb]]
====Single Player Action====
=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Rosechu]] is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''
=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Blachu]] is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''
=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Wild]] is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''
=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Bubbles]] is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''
=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Angelica]] is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''
=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of [[Punchy]] is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''
{{-}}
[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: [[Magi-Chan]] is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: [[Sonichu]] and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be [[Station Square]]. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: [[Sonichu]] is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: [[Sonichu]] is shown posing in a "thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: [[Sonichu]] is seen charging up a Spin Dash as [[Zapdos]] tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

User talk:Slimz

2012-03-09T07:46:07Z

A Pop To Lick It: /* re: chris and violence */ new section

== Re:Userboxes ==

Information about userboxes and how to use them can be found on our [[CWCki:User_pages#Userboxes|user page policy]], which also has a link to our userbox category - listing all our userbox templates. Each template should have information on how to use it and place it on your userpage too. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 09:15, 15 November 2011 (PST)

== Re:Forum ==

Ask [[User talk:Freecell|Freecell]] as I don't really do much admin work on the CWCki forums right now. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:37, 16 December 2011 (PST)
:I didn't ban you the first time, but I did ban you when you ban-evaded. Personally, I wouldn't really mind unbanning you. You had some valuable contributions to the forum. That said, I have to respect that different people look at the same problem in different ways. We had to do something about it, and [[User talk:Champthom|Champ]] decided that the best solution was to ban you. You'll have to take it up with him. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 04:04, 17 December 2011 (PST)
*Do you understand why you were banned? They made an entire thread on you on /cwc/ due to how you "sperged" about how much you hated Chris, how it annoyed you that he breathed, not mention the stuff about how you'd like to see your autistic nephew trolled for having autism. You have brought great shame and dishonor to the forum, you have exacerbated stereotypes that the CWCki Forum is for "spergs." I disagree with Freecell, you contributed nothing of value to the forum and we are better off without you. I recommend you reevaulate your views on Chris (namely he's a retard and not Adolf Hitler) and move on with your life. I have spoken. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:56, 19 December 2011 (PST)

== re: chris and violence ==

i don't understand why you left your idea on the [[Talk:Pussy|talk page for "pussy"]], so i'll leave this on your user talk.
* [[CWCki:General|here is the page for posting stuff you're not sure where is supposed to go]]
* [[Template:Chris_and#About_the_.22Chris_and....22_series|here are guidelines for writing a new "chris and..." article]]
as for your idea, i think [[chris and anger]] already covers his violent tendencies pretty well. -- {[[User:A Pop To Lick It|a pop to lick it]]} {[[User_talk:A Pop To Lick It|talk]]} 23:46, 8 March 2012 (PST)

Mumble

2012-03-06T01:34:15Z

A Pop To Lick It:

'''[[Wikipedia:Mumble (software)|Mumble]]''' is the voice chat program of choice for CWC [[trolls]]. [[Chris]] made several "fan" chats in here in early [[2009]].
==Summary==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! #
! Date
! Significant events
|-
| [[Mumble 1|1]]
| 31 [[January 2009]]
| Chris speaks on [[homos]], wanting to be a woman, arguing with and not loving [[Bob|his dad]] and other topics
|-
| [[Mumble 2|2]]
| 4 [[February 2009]]
| Speaks on his [[nudes]], sex in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], [[Clyde Cash]], and the reasons behind [[CWCville]]'s restrictive laws.
|-
| [[Mumble 3|3]]
| 5 February 2009
| Talks to [[Julie]] about [[Molvanîa]]'s destruction, music, protecting her from Clyde Cash, their relationship and their first time together, including cumshots and premature ejaculation.
|-
| [[Mumble 3.5|3.5]]
| 5 February 2009
| Clyde harasses Chris about copping out of calling himself gay in [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009]] and forces him to make a second video rectifying this.
|-
| [[Mumble 4|4]]
| 6 February 2009
| Clyde calls him out on his [[Chris and money|inability to support]] Julie, his views on love and relationships and forces him to get rid of his material possessions for Julie.
|-
| [[Mumble 5|5]]
| 7 February 2009
| Clyde continues to question Chris on how he would support Julie, going into detail about Chris's unrealistic views on how much money he'll need to live.
|-
| [[Mumble 6|6]]
| 10 February 2009
| An open fan Q&A. Discusses whether Chris's letter from [[Nintendo]] is fake, Chris's taste in [[anime]] and Clyde probing Chris about finances and supporting Julie.
|-
| [[Mumble 7|7]]
| 13 February 2009
| Another fan Q&A in which Chris is quizzed about anime, [[video games]], [[homos]], [[dating]], [[Sarah May]] and does several terrible impersonations.
|-
| [[Mumble 8|8]]
| 17 February 2009
| Discusses Chris's contradictory views on [[Christianity]] and premarital [[sex]], [[recycling]] and features a painful breakup with Sarah May where Chris repeatedly calls her "Julie" and [[Chris and death#Sarah May|she attempts suicide]].
|-
| [[Mumble 9|9]]
| 23 February 2009
| Hosted by [[the Miscreants]], who reveal that their purpose is to stop Chris from finding a [[sweetheart]] because he's a [[racist]] who only wants [[china]].
|-
| [[Mumble 9.5|9.5]]
| 23 February 2009
| The Miscreants accuse Chris of not caring about his deceased [[Aunt Corrina]], discuss [[Megan]], and Chris admits [[Slow-in-the-minds|retardation]].
|-
| [[Mumble 10|10]]
| 23 February 2009
| A fan chat where he's convinced to go to Cleveland to save Julie from her evil brother [[Max]] at Miscreant HQ.
|-
| [[Mumble 11|11]]
| 4 [[March 2009]]
| Discusses being ill, [[Julie Reveals Herself|BlueSpike/Julie/Max's deception]] (BlueSpike plays an active part in the chat), getting his accounts and website back and creating a new medallion.
|-
| [[Mumble 12|12]]
| 5 March 2009
| Chris is still ill, Clyde reveals that he murdered BlueSpike for [[Chris's birthday]], and the mayorship of [[CWCville]] is discussed.
|}

==List of chats==
===1===
{{main|Mumble 1}}

In the first of [[Chris]]'s Mumble chats, he and [[trolls|the True and Honest Sonichu fanbase]] discuss his [[PS3]], [[Things Chris has ripped off|video games and Anime]]. Chris is still building his Lego [[CWCville]]. Male [[homos]] are bad, but [[chris and hypocrisy|lesbians are OK in his book]] - to the point of sister-sister [[Chris and sex#incest|incest]] being acceptable. He has no desire to make new [[jerks|male friends]]. Oh, and Chris has never imagined what it's like to be a cyborg, but has imagined being born a woman. Chris identifies with [[Barack Obama]]. Chris doesn't have to love [[Bob|his father]], but has to respect him. Also, he's related to [[Anne Boleyn]] and likes [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]].

===2===
{{main|Mumble 2}}

The second Mumble chat is more of a fan Q&A. [[Trolls]] ask nonsensical questions about [[Sonichu]], including the wetness of [[Bubbles]]'s [[china]]. Chris is angry that [[Clyde]] broke [[Panda]]'s hymen. Chris says that his children's comic isn't full of sex, it's 'romance'. Even black people can vote in [[CWCville]]. Chris says that [[alcohol]] is bad because it causes bar fights. Chris can type between 30 to 100 WPM. Chris says that his [[nudes]] are [[lies|photoshopped]]. Chris says that he is stronger than [[Clyde]] and would beat him up, but fails to describe how. A fan asks Chris about a possibly gay friend (based on said friend sitting next to him while playing video games) and a [[Barb|wild Snorlax appears]].

===3===
{{main|Mumble 3}}
The third Mumble chat starts with small talk, then [[chris and sex|sex]] talk between Chris and [[Julie]] before [[Clyde]] takes over in the later stages. Molvanîa has been destroyed. All of Chris's female characters think he’s handsome. [[Virgin with rage|He can’t understand why he’s single]]. Julie is getting paranoid and wants Chris to protect her. Julie and Chris agree to take each others' virginities and imagine their first time together. Clyde appears and reveals he's heard everything. The two threaten and try to psychoanalyze each other. Clyde denigrates Chris's existence and questions in detail how he'll support Julie or even himself, casting serious doubt on Chris's life skills. Clyde forces Chris to make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video saying that he's gay]], threatening to harm Julie if he doesn't.

===3.5===
{{main|Mumble 3.5}}
A shorter chat where Clyde chastises Chris for weaseling out of the previously mentioned video. Near the end, Chris admits that his first attempt is "inferior". Chris asks Julie if Clyde can send her flowers and chocolate.

===4===
{{main|Mumble 4}}
The fourth Mumble chat is [[Chris]] vs [[Clyde]] with a little bit of [[Julie]]. They start with a game of Tic Tac Toe, where Chris loses pitifully, exhibiting no common sense whatsoever. Clyde probes Chris more on his paltry survival skills. Chris can't name five bills associated with his house and doesn't have a job because he has so many skills that he couldn't find a job to suit him. They discuss the [[Love Quest]]. Chris does racist impersonations of [[niggos|black people]]. Chris sees Archie Bunker as a role model, Clyde as his best friend and wants to apologize to [[Vivian]] for [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|not listening to her]]. Clyde gives him three days to [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|throw away his material possessions]].

===5===
{{main|Mumble 5}}

As [[Chris]] is about to start talking to [[Julie]], the dastardly [[Clyde Cash]] appears, as if from nowhere. He continues to berate Chris about his inability to support himself and Julie, exposing his mammoth ignorance of what survival in the real world entails. He has a hundred dollars saved and [[Chris and money|believes that saving this same amount each month will sustain his family]] and lies that he has looked for jobs with his [[CADD|degree]]. Chris admits that [[Sonichu]] villains are people who have made him feel inferior in the past. Julie is mostly a background character in this chat, playing half-hearted cheerleader for Chris throughout.

===6===
{{main|Mumble 6}}
The sixth Mumble chat is another fan Q&A. Chris is questioned on various issues, which he largely fails to adequately explain. By now he has received the letter from Mike Chandler at Nintendo of America that ends the [[Miyamoto Saga]]. Chris can't explain why he doesn't like [[homos]] or how he knows that all men are [[jerks]] without meeting them. Chris says he's irregular with comics because [[lie|"It's called a life"]], but he [[autism|can't describe his daily schedule at the moment]]. He can't remember why he admitted his [[dirty crapped briefs]] to [[Clyde]]. Clyde enters and continues to call out Chris on his [[Chris and money|ignorance about money]]. Chris admits $2000 of credit card debt and admits to lying about looking for work. He then lies about his cooking ability and [[Chris and religion|his religion's stance on premarital sex]]. Chris finishes by admitting to be a [[homo]] in German.

===7===
{{main|Mumble 7}}
The seventh Mumble chat is another fan Q&A, similar to [[Mumble 6]]. Chris has given bad advice in the last chat, causing a fan's girlfriend to leave him. Chris shows no [[remorse]]. [[Trolls]] try to encourage Chris to make [[Power|videos]] [[51 50|proving]] [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|his]] [[30 Push-Ups|strength]] and showcasing his [[CWC Fighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]]. He claims that the [[dildo]] in the [[vibrator destruction video]] was glued together and took a lot of strength to pull apart, but later backpedals and says he used shears. The possibility of more [[Rule 34]] in [[Sonichu]] is discussed, especially giving [[Rosechu]] a [[pickle]]. Chris fails at the national anthem and reveals that his mom told him that his [[Attraction Sign]] made him look retarded. Chris says he thinks [[Panda]] might be dead, but shows no real emotion. Many terrible impersonations are spread throughout this chat. Clyde enters at the end and Chris bolts.

===8===
{{main|Mumble 8}}
Mumble Chat 8 is another fan Q&A covering a variety of topics. Chris can't name the [[Chris and Religion|ten commandments or the seven deadly sins]] offhand. Chris tries to convince Julie that premarital sex is OK in his religion, and tries to claim he doesn't hate all [[homos]] when he's called on his religious [[hypocrisy]]. Chris agrees he would have a threesome with two other men as he tries to choreograph a threesome between himself, [[Julie]] and [[Sarah May]]. Chris admits [[recycling]], and says that he only goes to McDonald's [[health|two to three times a week]]. Chris calls Sarah May 'Julie' several times throughout the conversation, which causes her to freak out and attempt suicide. While he [[china|shows some concern]] as she's screaming about killing herself, [[Chris and death|Chris reacts like a sloth on sedatives after her 'death']], reassuring himself that he still has Julie.

===9===
{{main|Mumble 9}}
The ninth mumble chat is fairly short and follows a very different format. [[The Miscreants]] assemble before [[Chris]] to taunt and menace him as he stumbles and stutters. They inform him that their goal is to prevent Chris from ever getting [[china]], as he is a [[racism|racist]] who doesn't care about [[women's rights|women]] as people. They also reveal themselves as being the real [[Sonichu]] fanbase. [[Panda]] is the newest member of the Miscreants. They try to make Chris prove that he really loves Julie, but all he can come up with is that he went to a lot of trouble finding [[Molvanîa]] on the map. Eventually Chris shouts that he has his [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral tomorrow, tells them all to "fuck off" and leaves.

===9.5===
{{main|Mumble 9.5}}
This chat is an extension of the [[Mumble 9|ninth]] Mumble chat. For some reason, [[Chris]] rejoins [[The Miscreants]] in the chat. Clyde again accuses him of accomplishing nothing in his life. He says he's been [[lie|thinking about getting a job]] and whines about [[stress]]. The Miscreants accuse him of not really caring about his deceased [[Aunt Corrina]]; only caring that he had to go to a funeral on his [[Christian Love Day|birthday]]. Chris tries to disprove this by pretending to cry. He admits [[Slow-in-the-Minds|retardation]] and says that he felt true honest respect from his past [[trolls|sweethearts]] and [[trolls|gal-pals]]. Chris says he's learned to tell lies from the truth, [[fail|as he doubts that these women were trolls]]. Clyde attacks Chris for his [[Chris and money|financial stupidity]]. [[lie|Chris says that he mostly tells the truth]]. Chris eventually storms out, and the Miscreants discuss future plans.

===10===
{{main|Mumble 10}}
In the tenth Mumble chat, [[Julie]] has been kidnapped by [[Max]] and 'spirited away' to [[Miscreants|Miscreant]] Headquarters. Our hero, [[Chris-Chan]], must wrestle with making the unenviable decision of whether he can be bothered to drive to Cleveland for his [[china|true love]], and awaits the impending decision of the mythical Powers That Be that will shape the path of his destiny - will he get his [[Barb|mum's]] permission to go? This entire chat is spent trying to convince Chris to defy his parents' wishes, and allay his fears of being attacked and/or arrested for [[pedofork]]ery upon arrival. [[Clyde Cash]] makes a brief cameo.

===11===
{{main|Mumble 11}}
The eleventh Mumble chat follows the events of [[Julie Reveals Herself]]. [[Chris]] has a cold. He admits [[BlueSpike]] took his [[PSN]] and Yahoo account, and that he shoved the [[Medallion of Fail]] up his ass. He begins to help BlueSpike with some account troubles in the hope of getting his own accounts back. This chat showcases Chris's [[Chris and Reality|odd relationship with reality]] as he feels the need to state that Billy Mays is not the Mayor of [[CWCville]], that he had transferred his memories between his previous medallions and to his [[High School Ring]] and that the changes reflecting this that are yet to be drawn in the comic are also canon in real life.

===12===
{{main|Mumble 12}}
The twelfth and final Mumble chat. [[Chris]] reacts to very little throughout. Chris is still sick, and working on getting his website back up. [[Clyde Cash]] has murdered [[BlueSpike]] as a birthday gift for Chris. Chris seems to be mildly surprised that Clyde did this, but [[Chris and Death|shows no real emotion]]. Chris will reveal how elections in [[CWCville]] work in a future 'book', he has to think about it. Chris whines about Clyde dragging him away for his 'work' of getting his website back up. Clyde tells him to go outside. Chris says that he will go out and [[Love Quest|find a woman locally]] by being 'very social' and what sounds like 'civil about it'. He then disappears into the murky toy-filled depths from whence he came.

{{succession|label=Mumble Chats|prevlink=N/A|nextlink=[[Mumble 1|Mumble Chat 1]]|}}

==See also==
*[[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]]
*[[/cwc/]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Cole Smithey

2012-03-05T22:47:53Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Colesmithey.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age 48)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Barbara]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (supposed father) [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (presumed actual father) [[Jerry Harmon]] (supposed stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole, [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 e-mail #3]]}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara's]] first son and the lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's e-mails to Chris]] revealed a lot about the Chandler family.

He currently lives in Manhattan and is a noted film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He achieved notoriety in Time Magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to Toy Story 3.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> He also occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions to spend a night drinking with him.

==Childhood==
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|left|Cole's [[true and honest]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice how he looks EXACTLY like him.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> As a child, Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married to, but records show she wasn't.<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref> Cole suspected, and later confirmed, that his biological father was [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

==Move to California==
Cole left Virginia for California, attending San Diego State University from 1981-1984, and earning degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College in similar fields of study.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs". The band lasted from 1981-1985.<ref>The Rockin’ Dogs
</ref>{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole wasn't on good terms with [[Bob]] and not even with [[Barbara]]. [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. Cole has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks him to let him know when Bob dies, so that he can celebrate.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Barbara continued to lie about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]].

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Ironically, Cole actually gets along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb (or at least he used to; it's unclear whether the two are still in regular contact), and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.

Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ.

Chris visited Cole in California at some point, the only time Chris has been on an airplane and one of only two times that he has left [[Virginia]] (the other being his trip to Ohio to save "[[Julie]]").

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts, his presumed father, had died a month beforehand.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how [[Chris and his Ego|self-absorbed]] he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris.

===Cole in the comics===
Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. This means that even his half-brother is stuck in [[CWCville]].

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People]]

Sonichu 10

2012-03-01T04:13:37Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #10
| cover = Issue 10 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 15 September [[2008]]
| finishedcomic = 25 [[February 2010]] ([[Book10Replacement|revised 30 October 2010]])
| pagecount = 97
| episodes = 21
| previous = [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]
| next = [[Sonichu 11|Sonichu #11]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #10''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. The final pages were scheduled to be uploaded on 24 [[February 2010]] ([[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]]), though he missed it by a few hours.

==Background==
===October 2008 Preview===
[[Image:Sonichu 10 release graph.png|thumb|right|Sonichu #10 release activity.]]
Throughout the early fall of [[2008]], the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls, posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the [[Medallion]].

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|9 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special ''Sonichu'' comic meant to be an excerpt from ''Sonichu'' #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the medallion's safety and [[Blanca]]'s loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 [[January 2009]]. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the [[Time Void]] since the end of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time ''Sonichu'' #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as the cover of #10.

===Conflict with Asperpedia===
During the production of ''Sonichu'' #10, Chris was also deeply embroiled in a feud with the forces behind the [[Asperpedia]]. More specifically, [[Evan]] was pressuring Chris to kill or otherwise remove [[Simonla Rosechu]] from the comics, since she was based on Evan's original Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, [[Simonchu]] without his approval. Chris refused and actually retconned Simonla's entry on the [[CWCipedia]] to state that Simonla was his own original creation, and he had not based her on Simonchu. Shortly after these changes were made, [[9 February 2010|the CWCipedia went offline]], replaced by a notice from Evan's lawyers.

In order to recover the CWCipedia, Chris posted a two-page spread in which Chris apologizes for his trespasses against the Asperpedia team, and Simonla is killed by an exploding toilet. When he arrived at Simonla's death in the actual comic, however, he spread the events of Simonla's death over many pages, and introduced a new character: [[Sandy Rosechu]], her daughter with [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]]. Furthermore, the Asperpedia team are depicted as Simonla's murderers, and after a trial in a kangaroo court, are violently executed, with Sandy and Wild teaming up to maim and then murder Evan. Team Asperpedia was understandably upset with this development, and have since coerced Chris into the third of his seemingly endless rewrites of the end of ''Sonichu'' #10.

===Chris's Promise to Remove Himself From the Series===
As early as [[Sonichu Game Talk|28 August 2008]], Chris had acknowledged that the ''Sonichu'' series had become too focused on Chris rather than Sonichu and the others. He promised that once he returned from the [[Time Void]] that he would step down as Mayor of CWCville and appoint his sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] to take his place. Chris seemed earnest about this, and he even mentioned his plan in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto_Saga#Chris_Will_Be_There..._Someday|Shigeru Miyamoto]] in January 2009. At the end of [[Sonichu 8|#8]], Chris teased "Next Book I get out of he Time Void", leading [[fans]] to assume he was going to step down as mayor in #9. Instead, Chris's escape from the Time Void was tacked onto the very end of the story, so he deferred his promise of pulling himself out of the books to Issue #10, where he could settle things with his remaining enemies.

And yet, after nearly several dozen pages of Chris slaughtering his foes, when the time came for him to address the people of CWCville, he announced that he would '''continue''' to be the Mayor, while Crystal would merely serve in an advisory role. Whether Chris plans to actually live up to his promise of staying out of the comics remains to be seen. [[Sonichu 11|Sonichu #11]] started out Chris-free, but it was abandoned well before the conclusion of #10, which ends with Chris murdering someone with his super powers, then declaring his birthday to be a national holiday.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==
{{Resources
| title = Christian Chandler in Director Amenities
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10 ''Episode 21''
| videobook =Sonichu_10_Official_Videobook#Episode_21{{!}}''Episode 21''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic11P1.htm ''Episode 21''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ77AMiIG7Q&feature=BFa&list=PL4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=58 ''Episode 21''}}
===Curing Da Homos===
The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 9|the last issue]]. However, in this version Chris adds more dialogue to the scene. Magi-Chan tells Chris how much everyone missed him during the nine months or so he was missing, and Chris announces his intentions to revenge himself on his various enemies. He also tells Wild and Magi-Chan that he briefly wound up in the year 2015, where he encountered [[Lovely Weather]] while participating in a medical study to cure homosexuality. In 2015, Weather and Chris are married, so he took him home, believing the Chris of 2008 to be her husband. Having [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], he then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

By June of 2015, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos|homosexuality]], but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals six years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. Chris is then vaccinated with the formula and is satisfied with the results. He grabs an additional two of the "cure" syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]], is worried sick about. The fate of the other syringe is never seen. He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!).

But before sending him on his way, Chris uses Magi-Chan's telepathy to contact his allies to coordinate the rest of his master plan. He calls out to [[Allison Amber]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' and his plastic instruments and send him to the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] Building in Clarksville, Tennessee; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him in Clarksville by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]], [[Punchy]], and Wild to meet him and Sonichu in Clarksville so they can perform in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. Magi-Chan departs for the future, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===
[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]
Before heading to Clarksville, Chris makes a stop at the Sonichu Site Filing Facility, a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear. Much like the 4-cent Garbage Building, this appears to be a brick-and-mortar avatar for [[Sonichu.net]]. It's even "hosted" by Tripod. He enters to find his stuff safe and sound, until the [[Devil Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris defeats them with ease, then starts talking about video games and the ESRB rating system for no reason. With his precious [[shit|content]] safe, Chris uses his powers to teleport all of it into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building, erects a barrier around the building to ensure no living thing escapes, '''and then fucking blows it up!''' [[Chris and remorse|Chris then claims]] that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

With that task completed, Chris contacts a [[Gal-pal]] for help setting up what would become [[CWCipedia]]. Next, he uses his foreknowledge of Lovely Weather to find her in a bookstore and set up their first date. After that, he contacts the CWCville Board of Directors, a previously unseen group who may play some role in the governance of the city. Once he informs them of his plan to commit mass murder in another state, he resumes his journey to Clarksville to settle the score with 4-cent Garbage.

===Operation: Grand Theft Medal===
''Note: Pages 13 - 20 of Sonichu #10 were drawn in October 2008 as a "preview", long before the rest of this issue was completed.''

As [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] monitors him on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[HEXBox]].

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed.

Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]. Convinced these items will bring him victory, Chris waits patiently in front of the door, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place. Shouldn't Sonichu have beaten him there? He didn't have nearly as much dumb shit to do.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (already forgetting all about [[Lovely Weather]] from a few pages back). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage.com building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

''This concludes the "preview" segment of the comic.''

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===
While waiting for the others, Chris meditates on a bench, unaware that Reldnahc Ha-Taque is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. At the last second, Chris senses the attack and blocks it. Chris declares his intention to defeat his dark counterpart once and for all, while Naitsirhc insists that he will turn Chris evil and [[homo|gay]]. The two of them battle it out in their sonichu forms (in a scene [[Chris and art#Traced images from the Sonichu Comic|heavily traced]] from a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'' comic) until they hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..." He then rises up and stabs Reldnahc with the syringe, not in the heart, but straight in his [[Black Sonichu]] [[Medallion]]. The medallion shatters, and as Reldnahc transforms back into the totally straight Naitsirhc Giovanni, Chris says the completely non-homoerotic phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"'''

Chris teleports the unconscious Naitsirhc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, and he laments that he never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]] in his Reldnahc persona, but at least the evil homo is gone. Moments later, Son-Chu and [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|The Hedgehog Boys]] arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap in Chris's car. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, he snaps his fingers, turning into his real life self (that is, various photos of Chris used in place of drawings). Whatever effect this was supposed to have is undermined by the fact that Chris is wearing a different shirt in real life than he was in the comic. So he stops to explain that the correct shirt was in the laundry. Chris commands Son-Chu to transform into a soundstage for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] to perform. That's right, they plan to defeat the trolls with the power... of ROCK.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===Fall of 4-cent_garbage.com===
Chris begins to play what the comic calls [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a set of badly written lyrics set to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent. Unlike the original song, which was about fucking, Chris's version complains about an eleven year old episode of a children's TV show. As Chris plays the instrumental part of the song, the 4-cent garbage Building begins to shake. Inside, Beel, [[Clyde Cash]], and [[Jack Thaddeus]] warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't withstand guitar licks of this magnitude, and they must escape before the whole place comes down around them. Jason agrees, but chooses to save only himself and [[Kathleen]]. As he readies for departure, he explains that he is STRAIGHT, and has decided to retire from trolling to settle down with Kathleen in a normal life. Beel also decided to save himself, leaving Clyde and Jack to die. With no way out, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as the building collapses around them.

Outside, Chris and his band continue their relentless barrage of rock until the entire building is reduced to a pile of rubble. The narration then reports on the aftermath, including a massive estimated death toll for the employees. Chris has the gall to say that he and "the rest of us heroes" cleaned up the rubble and called ambulances to save the very people he attacked. Chris sheds a tear over the senseless destruction he himself had perpetrated minutes earlier, almost as if doing so would [[Chris and Remorse|justify]] the [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|needless murder]] of over 100 people who made fun of him. He then quickly changes the subject by comparing the dead trolls to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''.

===Christian Love Day===
[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]
At that moment, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|being Big Brother]]. He reports to Chris that testing on the Homo Vaccine in 2015 is a success and that he has delivered it to 2008, where it will be dispensed into the world's drinking water. Magi-Chan then predicts that by February 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be declared a holiday named [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]], in honor of the man whose blood and time travel powers made it all possible. Magi-Chan also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female, and she will fall in love with Magi-Chan.

Out of nowhere, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a fan of the comic series. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

Chris then pauses the story to make yet another rambling non-apology to his homosexual fanbase. Much like Sonichu's tantrum in [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Chris starts out with a very diplomatic tone, but then grows more defensive and confrontational, blaming the offensive nature of his comics on the readers' refusal to accept him and his characters as heterosexual. Chris begs his readers not to abandon him, but in spite of his apology, he made no effort to remove or redraw the content for which he was apologizing.

===Ultra Sonichu and Collosal Chan===
With gay people finally dealt with, Chris and Sonichu use the seven Sonichu Balls to transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, they communicate telepathically, and Chris orders Sonichu to [[RuleCWC]] while he heads back to CWCville. There, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. In RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, and she immediately showers Darkbind with gratitude for... Well, actually, he didn't do jack shit, but Sonichu's already married, so there you go.

===Mission in Minnesota===
[[Image:XboxCameForCWC.jpg|thumb|left|Putting a whole new meaning on the word "X'''box'''".]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]
Ultra Sonichu and Collosal Chan rendezvous over the home of [[Alec Benson Leary]]. After breaking in, Chris [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|inserts his finger]] into a USB port on Alec's computer (a HEXbox Pavillion), then concentrates and rips off ''[[Shadow the Hedgehog]]'' by placing himself inside the computer. Chris then deletes all files within the [[Asperpedia]] website, bans Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, and deletes their accounts for good measure. He then steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator. Just in case he hadn't done enough damage, Chris blows up the computer as well.

Meanwhile, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. As he investigates the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu discovers Asperchu outside in the yard, along with Alec's version of Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo. When they see Ultra Sonichu, Alec's Hedgehog Pokemon treat him like a god, and beg forgiveness from Chris for the awful things Alec has made them do in his comics. They tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's, forced them to become gay, and compelled them to drop their real names as they impersonated their counterparts in CWCville. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure their Asperger's and give them new clothes. Asperchu himself is dramatically altered, becoming a [[homos|muscle-bound]] Sonichu known as [[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch]]. In return for his help, Sonichu asks them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free.

When Chris comes outside to meet the others, they literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before him]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God, [[Chris and Religion#Delusions of Godhood?|but he appreciates the gesture]]. Together, they all defeat Metal Asperchu, then [[death threats|physically assault]] Alec Benson Leary off-panel. Alec apparently had a group of Rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Chris pauses the story once again to address the audience. This time, he denounces "Asperchu" and its depiction of the cast of "Sonichu". Impatiently, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story. Even ''he'' is fed up with the constant interruptions.

===Return to CWCville===
Back in the Mayor's Office, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]], who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of Moon-Pals, but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest CWCville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Ultra Sonichu and the four [[Basement Rosechus]] arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated Rosechus just stare on despondently. After he drops them off, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]].

With all that nonsense out of the way, Ultra Sonichu flies to the flagpole of a tall building, where he expends the last of his Ultra Sonichu power to free all [[Jerkops]] from [[Slaweel Ryam]]'s mind control. Collosal Chan confronts her in the [[PVCC]], now deserted since all of the Jerkops gone back to their old lives. Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to release Graduon. Chris takes the wand and smashes it onto the floor. Chris then complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will defeat Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and Chris naturally defeats her with ease. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

===Christian Lies, Simonla Dies===
[[File:TEVDoesHisThingp.jpg|thumb|How it went down.]]
Following Mary's defeat, Chris holds a public assembly to update the city on recent developments. He announces Walsh's arrest and imprisonment, the emancipation of all Jerkops, and the legalization of homosexuality in CWCville. Gay marriage remains illegal, but seeing as how homosexuality is supposed to be eradicated a few months later, it doesn't seem to matter. Chris appoints his twin sister Crystal as a "social relations" assistant, and that he will continue to hold the office of mayor indefinitely. Chris also promises to make fewer appearances in future Sonichu comics.

During his speech, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. At the same time, Magi-Chan notices [[Evan]] in the rafters of the Mall, trying to cut down a massive TV screen hanging over the audience. He quickly paralyzes Evan, then spots [[Simonchu]] skulking behind a potted plant in a black cloak. Magi-Chan accuses him of trying to murder his own sister (Simonla, according to Chris). But they are just a diversion, as a third conspirator, Alec Benson Leary, has finished planting a Toilet Exploding Voltorb in the women's restroom, which he detonates once Simonla sits down to piss.

Wild accompanies Simonla to the hospital, and she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simonchu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from ''Gurren Lagann'') in case she doesn't make it. Wild sits on their egg in the waiting room, until [[Bill the Scientist]] informs him that she died in surgery. Wild swears revenge, but Magi-Chan reminds him that the killers are already in custody. At that moment, Wild's egg hatches. Wild names his daughter [[Sandy]] and Magi-Chan, [[Autism|insensitive fuck that he is]], tells her point blank Evan killed her mother.

Wild assumes the burden of a single father, and within a week, Sandy evolves into a Rosechu, who just so happens to look almost exactly like Simonla.

===Trial of the Asperpedia Four===
[[File:FreeAsperpedia4.jpg|thumb|left|Public reaction to Chris's abortion of justice]]
Time then jumps ahead to the trial of ''CWCVille v. Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao.'' Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for prosecuting attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey]] [[Pokemon|Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing.

Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while "super-high". All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. Sean offers a rock in their defense, because they rock. Nevertheless, the jury convicts the Asperpedia Four and Judge Lewis sentences them to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they allegedly hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
First, Alec is strapped to a "Ten-Button Electric Chair". Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu. Once all ten buttons are pressed, the chair electrocutes Alec, thus giving them all the satisfaction of killing him. For writing a parody comic.

Next, Evan is chained to a wall where Wild and Sandy can torture him as much as they please. Wild lets Sandy go first, and she takes his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). She then bores holes all over his body with her drill hands (including his [[Pickle|crotch]]), before she and Wild finish him off together.

Sean is hung by his wrists in a room where Bill the Scientist, Allison Amber, and [[Kel]] shoot guns at him at pointblank range until he dies.

Finally Chris '''[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD |breaks Mao]]''' with his psychic powers, twisting his legs at unnatural angles before exploding his heart, without any remorse or justification of why, even noting that ''"his amends have been made"'' for doing so. Recall that one of the charges against the Asperpedia Four was for "[[Chris and hypocrisy|portryals(sic) of death in horrifying, gorey(sic) detail]]".

===Apology to the Asperpedia Four===
Strangely, throughout the scenes depicting the Asperpedia Four's arrest and trial, Chris includes flashbacks to his speech from just before Simonla's death. In these panels, Chris makes apologies and admissions as demanded by [[Alec Benson Leary]] in their [[Alec_Benson_Leary_calls|phone conversations]]

Chris admits the following:
*Alec has a fanbase comparable to Chris's own.
*Evan may have given Chris permission to use Simonchu in his comics, but Evan later withdrew that permission.
*Simonla was never Chris's character to use, being a blatant copy of Simonchu.
*Chris attempted to cover up the truth about how Simonchu inspired Simonla by editing her CWCipedia page.

Chris then makes the following apologies:
*To Evan, for creating Simonla without his permission.
*To Alec, for calling him [[naive]] over the phone.
*To Mao, for [[Curseyehameha|cursing him]]
*To Alec, for depicting Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu breaking into Alec's home and using Asperchu characters in this very issue.
*To Alec again, for implying that he kept four Rosechus captive in his basement for sexual purposes.
*To the Sonichu [[fanbase]] for failing to update the CWCipedia regularly and writing disrespectful replies to fan mail in the [[Mailbag]].

Note that while Chris is conceding Alec's points in these panels, on the same pages he shows the Asperpedia Four being treated like base criminals. Most likely, this was Chris's way of fulfilling his agreement with Alec, but without actually giving him what he asked for.

===Conclusion===
Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Bill Pullman's speech in the movie "Independence Day".

The comic ends with a two-page dedication to the memory of [[PandaHalo]] including her original fanart and a page from her comic.

=="Extras"==

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls|his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8|months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

True to his word ([[lies|for a change]]) Chris has proceeded to stop updating the comic while he waits for "inspiration" to happen.
{{clear}}

==Reaction==

===October 2008 Preview: Grand Theft Medal===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been stolen, the trolls posing as [[Blanca]] responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===February 2010 Preview: Simonla's Death===
On 13 February 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that were slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, Chris admits that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems, and begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags while she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. Simonla has just enough time to tearfully hand Wild her lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of her murderer, and Wild declares revenge.

The preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed Simonla and viciously slaying the four of them. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]].

===Depiction of the Asperpedia Four===
As #10 took months to complete, Chris added content to respond to criticism of the parts he had finished. For example, in one of the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|phone calls]] with Alec Benson Leary, Alec took exception to the way Chris depicted him and his characters on pages 51-70. Chris would later apologize for this on pages 86 and 87.

Upon the completion of the comic, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Alec called Chris again]] to take issue with the gruesome executions of himself, Sean, Evan and Mao.

On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his [[Twitter]] account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make peace with Alec and company- probably in the hope that doing so will result in Jack removing his dreadfully pornographic ads. Ultimately, Chris abandoned the Cwcipedia altogether in May.

When [[Jackie]], a girl who had no knowledge of Asperchu or anything negative about Chris, saw the trial scene, Chris's godawful art style made her assume that Chris was '''executing children'''. She would eventually nag Chris about completing the new ending to #10, if only to keep his promise to Alec.

==Revised ending version==
On 30 October 2010, at Jackie's insistence, Chris uploaded [[Book10Replacement|a video]] in which he presented the revision to the ending that he promised to Alec 6 months earlier. Instead of being sentenced to death, the Asperpedia Four are sentenced to live in an Amish community for the rest of their lives, where they're brainwashed into becoming double entendre-spewing retards. Jason Kendrick Howell is revealed to have died in a car crash, and Kathleen Nicole Wallace is put in a maximum security prison for smoking pot.

However, Jackie asked Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 19]]</ref> to make a different kind of comic altogether, where Mayor Chris has a parade of forgiveness and understanding in CWCville, acknowledging Alec's helpful intentions. She made this request due to an earlier chat where Chris had said he's forgiven Alec, and she wanted this comic to show that Chris stands by his words. However, Chris failed to deliver the comic exactly as requested, and admitted to Jackie that this was due to his ongoing hatred of Alec's [[homos|homosexuality]], [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]] and [[JERKS|JERKness]], completely missing the point of the exercise, even when Jackie was very clear in explaining ''why'' she wanted the pages to be redone.

Chris later revised his plans<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 21]]</ref> for the remake: The Asperpedia Four would be found not guilty, Chris would give shoutouts to Cwcipedia admins, and then [[TrollBusters|Calvin and Dee^2]] would take the four into their custody for the parade. For the parade, they would be displayed on two floats: Mao and Evan would be on a float together, branded as "busted Cyber-Bullies/Trolls", while Alec and Sean would be "promoted as the next Dark Humor Comic Authors". So despite being found "not guilty", the parade seems more like a Roman triumph in Chris's honor, with his captured enemies included as an example of his glory. After all that, the Asperpedia Four would then go to the Amish commune of their own volition and start new lives there with their relatives.

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 21 - Director's Amenities
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==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]
*[[Asperchu]]

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?bxbbbf1b042nwrb Download .rar of Sonichu #10]
 

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]
[[Category: Asperchu Saga]]

Chris and English

2012-02-28T05:50:19Z

A Pop To Lick It: no

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor this.]]

{{quote|I No Socialize Online.|Chris's strangely appropriate [[PS3|PSN]] comment.}}

[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things related to Chris, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older. This can be easily linked to his increased isolation.

==CWC-isms==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading will be able to understand [[autism|exactly what he means]]. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]". He also tends to appropriate existing words, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[Semen|comeuppance]] isn't a fitting outcome for someone's deeds, and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like the definite article "da", Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive grasping desperately for credibility. Other famous [[CWC-isms]] like "[[tobacky]]", "[[niggos]]" and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and Reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know and tolerate. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, which only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instances". Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and — quite frankly — creepy.

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly [[Chris and his Ego|how self-centered he is]]. While the whole purpose of language is to express thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech, and his grammar is abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger-banging]] as "outtercourse",<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref> which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between". (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

Chris misuses punctuation in many ways, often with, albeit unintentional, comedic results. In particular, he tends to add hyphens where they aren't needed, such as in his stock phrase "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]". Clearly he means that he wants to create a relationship from the "ground up", from a blank slate, from the simplest of beginnings. A literal interpretation, though, means he wants to create a girlfriend from something that's been ground up — ground chuck, ground pepper, what-have-you.

In addition, he is obviously afraid that whatever he's feeling won't be adequately conveyed through his words, and tries to make up for this by relying on repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style, which could be compared to many comic books and graphic novels. For similar reasons, he tends to Capitalize Words At Random, Especially nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying.

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads. From the CWCipedia article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality homosexuality].}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like any six-year-old with ADD, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he instead veers off topic in order to babble about [[Random Access Humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences. A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is. Related is his overuse of semicolons, which are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, but Chris uses to crudely string together two tangentially-related thoughts into a barely coherent sentence. Chris even uses the semicolon in dialogue where it would normally be considered improper.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[Honest Content|honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would not mean he's not telling the whole truth.

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

One will notice with all the "''sic''" scattered around the CWCki, that Chris has trouble with simple spelling. Despite all the other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He regularly misspells words that should be easy to spell, such as "mies" ([[Sonichu 0|miles]]) and "dood" ([[Sonichu 7|good]]). He seems to have trouble with switching "eni" for "ein", as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Sometimes, he seems to spell words phonetically like a grade-school child learning how to read, such as "characiture" (caricature), rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling. To put the icing on the cake, he writes "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

It was only relatively recently discovered that the term [[Anchuent Prophecy|"Anchuent"]] is supposed to be a pun, and not just another of Chris's random acts of butchery of the English language — or even a typo resulting from "u" and "i" being adjacent on the QWERTY keyboard. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so persistent that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes completely unnoticed for ''years''.

===Definitions and Vocabulary===
Chris has a very bad habit of not knowing what the fuck he's talking about, and vocabulary is one of them. Chris still believes the word [[Naïve|Naïve]] means stupid, and thus hates being called it. Naïve, in simple terms, means "ignorance or gullibility because of a lack of experience". Chris is the definition of this because he doesn't do anything, and because of that he's gullible and ignorant. Another word Chris throws around is slander. Chris constantly calls his [[ED]] page and [[CWCki]] slanderous. Slander is defamation. Defamation is the destruction of reputation or character through manipulation and lies of video, photographic, and audio evidence. Libel is like slander, but is defamation through writing. There's two things wrong with Chris' use of slander. His ED page and CWCki is more written than video, photographs and audio, so if it was anything it would be libel. The other is that ED and CWCki isn't slander or libel, because nothing is manipulated and everything on them is true, and backed up with physical evidence, provided by him.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]." This rather clunky phrasing is repeated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He asserts that his idea of "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" on several occasions, and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump," most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]].

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his [[autism]] for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be laid at the door of his autism — other possibilities include that:
* Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so successfully, he tends to reuse what he knows is a working formula.
* Chris thinks his peculiar constructions are [[Random-access humor|funny]] and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
* Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
* Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====
Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort-of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough - it's got 'new' and 'address' in it."

For more blatant examples, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand. Also, when listing a hunk-of-shit TV on [[Craigslist]], he demands "CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. $250 or better offer; NO HAGGLE." which doesn't apply at all to something like an old TV. He most likely picked up the jargon from other entries on the site.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like", or "malevolent", an antonym of "benevolent"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical.

===Muddled-up Proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Autism|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with pens and their relative might vis-a-vis swords — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear. He cannot even create simple proverbs like
* "One who has his dick in the peanut butter jar is fucking nuts."

===Literal Interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's Father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's Father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' Don't… Don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just good stuff like vegetables. Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that the Dad here was trying to make gets lost in sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris sometimes branch out, lead nowhere, and cause frustration and tears (and tears of mirth for everyone but the two people who are conversing at the time).

As the quote read in [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm. This is no exception for Chris, who has often been unable to pick up sarcastic comments, as seen in the Guru Larry interview.<ref>[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]</ref>

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. He fails to elaborate any of his answers, and cannot distinguish the implied meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag #2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres — do you listen while you draw the comics, assuming you listen music at all while drawing the comics? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no". Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again." Chris took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now," and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This may seem innocuous at first, as regular people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag #34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts".<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|''Sonichu'' Quiz #2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] begins with "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed FCC for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag #51]]</ref> even though FCC has no authority over web or print media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag #51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "comic writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show.]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. "''For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic''].''"</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue #3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10|Mailbag #10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now," rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's [[autism]], where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; he almost always refers to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he's feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

==Spoken language==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, although that's not really saying much. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uh", "hmm", and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also [[Speech impediment|tends to stutter and repeat himself]].

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|''Brutal Legend'']] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is [[Random-access humor|trying to be funny]].

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising.]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[Autism|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit.]]}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|akekECv9XCQ}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris perhaps now has realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated hulk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his [[autism]], but it is also related to his [[Random Access Humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|"Smell Yo Duck"]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously an exaggeration of Chris's feelings, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]]. Despite this, Chris has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash,"<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "BUGS BUNNY WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39|Mailbag #39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the Xes are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch".) Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity level — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory is often floated regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry Internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
* [[Speech Impediment]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The High School Story]]
* [[Chris and writing]]
* [[Spanish]]
* Anything written on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

February 2012

2012-02-28T05:40:55Z

A Pop To Lick It:

'''February [[2012]]''' saw Chris's thirtieth birthday.
[[Image:1328397527051.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is not amused.]]

==Events==
*4 February : Chris writes on his [[Facebook statuses|Facebook account]] details about him playing "hide and seek" with the Jerkops and Manajerk at the [[Fashion Square Mall]].
*5 February - Chris is spotted in a [[Chris and Fashion|Goodwill]] and publishes new photos on his [[Facebook]] account.
*11 February - Chris change his [[voicemail greeting]]...again.
*17 February - Chris' plans for a charitable [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|lemonade stand]] are discovered.
*22 February - The Playstation Vita is released. The likelihood of Chris getting one for his birthday? 99.999999999996%
*24 February - Chris [[Birthday|turns thirty]]([[Chris and Health|!]]).
*24 February - [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] releases a grand number of [[Tomgirl]] videos aimed at [[Jackie]], who is apparently back in contact with Chris: [[Cakefarts]], [[Chris and Jackie's Date‎]], [[You're Always Pretty]] (a wild Snorlax appears!), [[Little Tomboy Blue‎]], [[Who's Your Brony?]], [[Forgot the Glitter‎]], [[The Red-Maned Deer]], [[Teenage Dream]] and [[Cheerleader]].
{{Timeline}}

Cutco

2012-02-27T05:43:33Z

A Pop To Lick It:

[[Image:Cutco logo.png|center]]
[[Image:VectorLogo.png|right|thumb|Of course it's not a pyramid scheme; just look at the logo.]]
[[Image:CutcoUltimateset.jpg|right|thumb|The knives that Chris never cut himself or anyone else with]]

'''Cutco''' is a company that sells overpriced medium-quality knives and the only other employer [[Chris]] has had besides [[Wendy's]]. Chris was employed by Cutco from June to September [[2003]].

==Employment==

Chris describes his background with Cutco in the [[Miyamoto Saga]] e-mails:

{{quote|One summer I was employed as a Salesman for Cutco products; the owners of the "Double-D" Edge and the Super Shears that can cut a penny to create a pig-tail. Lifetime Guarantee on sharpness. The boss left at Summer's end, and I lost that job. FYI, I was very cautious with my samples of cutary ''[sic]'', and I do not have any intentions of harming myself or anyone else. My record is clean.|Chris, clarifying that he is not [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|emo]]}}

Cutco, under the guise of Vector Marketing, is a notorious borderline scam.<ref>http://marketingpr.suite101.com/article.cfm/vector_marketing_is_not_a_scam</ref> While arguably not an outright scam, they will hire more or less anyone who is willing to pay [[Chris_and_money|$150]] upfront for a "demo kit" and get people to buy overpriced knife sets on commission through [[Wikipedia:Sales lead|leads]] (in other words, Chris was not going door to door). They target high schoolers and college students along with people with no real experience (such as [[autistic]] manchildren) for these "sales positions."

It is unknown if Chris was ever able to sell a knife set to any of his leads, as even people who aren't autistic, corpulent manchildren have trouble doing so. It is possible he did sell so people could get him out of their house. In reality though, the only commission he ever made was from his parents who probably bought something from him to make him feel better. Chris touched back on the subject on his [[CWCipedia]] entry, explaining that his Cutco job "was ONLY a Summer gig" and "it may have gone longer if my boss had not left [[Charlottesville]] for good in August."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#Mary_Meets_Christian</ref> Chris is oblivious to the fact that his "boss" pretty much took his money and skipped town. He later told [[Vanessa Hudgens]] that his boss "got replaced."<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref>
==Other mentions==
*Chris put a Cutco outlet in [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
*After Chris [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|smashed his dildo]] on 6 [[February 2009]], he used a pair of Cutco Super Shears to cut it apart.<ref>[[Mumble 7]]</ref>
*Chris used a Cutco knife to make his [[Chris and fashion|"Gay Trucker" denim top]].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> We can assume from these two reference that he has a lot of unsold Cutco knives lying around.
==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Pocket knife]]

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Cutco|Wikipedia article]]
{{Places}}
[[Category: Jobs]]

Talk:Cutie mark

2012-02-27T05:39:10Z

A Pop To Lick It:

I don't think we need this article, to be honest. It's a one-off marker-drawn thing. At best, I think it should be a subsection of another article. I definitely think that it should not be a full article, though. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 20:01, 26 February 2012 (PST)
*Yes, this page is absolutely unnecessary. It's just an excuse to pump more brony shit into the CWCki. [[User:Cleftpalete|Cleftpalete]] 20:04, 26 February 2012 (PST)
*does it really warrant mentioning at all outside the videos it appears in? --{[[User:A Pop To Lick It|a pop to lick it]]} {[[User_talk:A Pop To Lick It|talk]]} 21:39, 26 February 2012 (PST)

Mailbag 33

2012-02-27T03:33:59Z

A Pop To Lick It:

'''Mailbag 33''' was uploaded to the [[CWCipedia]] on 5 [[January 2010]]. [[Chris]] answered the letters the day after.

One of the more notable attributes of this mailbag is the frequent use of the phrase "as individual people". Chris seems to comprehend that you can't just mistreat people because they're [[Homos|gay]], [[Chris and religion|atheist]] or any of the many other demographics he despises, but he's not willing to give up on hating them. Therefore he keeps stating that he won't discriminate against them as ''individual people'' as some sort of pitiful attempt at damage control.

The answers are all pretty much just the standard Chris idiocy we've all come to expect. Chris shoots down our hopes and dreams of seeing more of [[List of Sonichu characters#Bill The Scientist|Bill]], poorly defends his demanding that [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] and [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]] kill themselves, and claims that he's far too busy to tell off the creators of [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]. He rejects two letters, one from [[Evan]], who still wants [[Simonla]] removed from the comics, and one from someone who pointed out that [[Sonichu (comic)|the comics]] were not really suitable for children.

==Answered==
===Chris and the census===
{{Email|From: Lucas Johnston <l.johnston2194@gmail.com>

hello chris,

I've been interviewing people for a while to survey different belifs in the community (for the U.S Census Bureau) I deal with the misuderstanding of different customs. I've stummbled on the Sonichu stuff a little while ago and i was interested i asking you some typical questions i ask people.

1) What do you think of people of different faiths other than your own (this includes [[Beel|Satanism]],[[Thorg|Atheism]], Agnosticism)

2) How do you feel about the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual community? do they deserve the same rights as anyone else?

3) how do you feel about people of different political parties, political parties spanning from Anarchism to Facism.

4) How do you feel about Drugs? Drugs such as [[Yawning Squirtle|Marijuana, Cocaine]], [[Tobacco|Cigarettes]], [[Alcohol|Alchol]], etc.

5) Do you hold any distaste for any worldly culture?

6) Are you uncomfortable about [[Niggos|people of Color]]? do you have any tensions twords them?

7) Are you disturbed or disgusted by different types of [[music]]? many people dislike Death Metal: http://tinyurl.com/ch2yl5

8) What do you think of [[Barack Obama|our current president]]? Is he decieving Americans as the Right Wing has expressed?

9) Do you think Countries such as [[Molvania|the Soviet Union]] or [[CWCville|North Korea]] Are actually [[Jack Thaddeus|Communist]]?

10) How do you think the situation in Afganistan is going? Is there anything you would do differnt?

I hope you respond to the questions
thank you very much,
Lucas}}
{{EmailReply|1) For most other religions, I am of neutral opinion and have no objections to them whatsoever. But for ALL those of Satanism and Atheism; I do not care for those Non-Religions AT ALL. I will not discriminate the people of those Non-Religions as Individual People. 2) As individual people, they all deserve Most Rights, but GAY MARRIAGE Should be made Illegal ALL Countries; Marriage is ONLY for Straight Man/Woman couples. I stand behind that most fully. 3) As a Moderate (of Middle, Neutral Opinion), I have nothing against the other political parties. Mainly, because even though I do have the ability to learn about them, I know not ALL of the details of them. 4) I STAND FULLY AGAINST Cigarettes, Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigars and ALL other Drugs of the sort. The only exceptions are drugs that are Prescribed to the Individual Person, as long as they are not given to anyone they were not originally prescribed to, I have no objections. And Alcohol; in Responsible, Moderate amounts, it can be good for you, yet I do not support Too Much of it, as if left unchecked, unresponsible or unassisted, too much can lead to fights that can lead to a trip to the hospital and automobile accidents. 5) Only those who fully promote smoking or such drugs that I have just elaborated against of. 6) I have no discomfort or tension against people of all colors. The only exception is in my choice of Sweetheart or Mate; No Personal Offense, but she can not be Black. 7) I have agreement on some lyrics of Death Metal tracks, but the Tune, as long as it is not at loud volume, it is still good. 8) I think Obama is doing okay, yet I disagree with his Health Plan; it is premature at the time, because we can not afford it yet. [[Bob|The Right Wing]] are sour, mean people; I give no concern to them. 9) I do not know much about those countries, so I can not give a full opinion on the topic. Although I do hate Communism; they are of wrong opinions and are considerably mean. 10) I do not have full knowledge of that situation either. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 05:23, 7 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Trolls > Fans===
{{Email|From: Mattioli Method <mattiolimethod@gmail.com>

Do you believe the number of fans you have outnumbers the number of trolls you have?

-Matt}}
{{EmailReply|I can not say for certain, but I like to believe that I have More Good and [[Honest Content|Honset]] Fans than [[Niggos|Dark]], Evil [[Trolls]].}}

===He kissed his mom===
{{Email|From: Carmen Granger <loveonanescalator@yahoo.com>

So who did you kiss on New Year's Eve?}}
{{EmailReply|[[Virgin with rage|I rarely kiss]] and tell. ;)}}

===Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"===
{{Email|From: bella <somatological@yahoo.com>

Hey Chris, four questions for the new year! 2010! Yeah!

Ok

1. Do you know that Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins in the Bible? So isn't it a straight ticket to hell if you wish suicide on someone? Please PLEASE tell me your reasoning. I'm not slandering you, I'm just curious.

2. How do you feel about your church accepting homosexuals as God's children? Again, not trying to anger you, just curious.

3. Do lesbians go to Heaven and do gays go to Hell?

4. What is your EARLIEST instance of fearing gay men?

Thanks for reading, Chris.

Peace,

Bella}}
{{EmailReply|1) I have confessed of that to [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]], and they have forgiven me on that. I spoke of that under reasonable hatred in the video. Those two HAD to learn that they were NOT doing their kind of people any favors by Darkening the view upon from ME and most of the world. 2) I have no objections to that. 3) All homosexuals are very likely to end up in Hell. 4) I do not fear them; my hatred for them is stronger.}}

===OF COURSE Chris would like the worst Sonic game ever===
{{Email|From: Seth Sethson <totallyfine2@gmail.com>

Chris, you state that "All [[Sonic]] Games" are among the best games ever.

You are so horribly wrong. You see, [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (2006 video game)|Sonic 2006]] is included in that.

And Sonic 2006 is known as one of the worst games ever. Period.

Video games are an art form, and the game failed to entertain. The plot was utterly terrible, confusing, and the romance involved made [[Star Wars]] Episode II(George Lucas is generally thought of as a poor romance writer) look like Romeo and Juliet. Oh, and that's not my "Opinion", Sega fired the entire writing staff responsible for that abomination. Look it up.

Many of the graphics were just placeholders from SA1. Graphical inferiority included. Lazyness is not fun to look at.

And the loading screens, my god the loading screens. I once watched a Let's Play of the game. At the end, the players clocked their total amount of time spent staring at the loading screens--two hours. Out of a 20 hour file. They spent 10% of the game watching the other 90% load. Most games spent 1% of the time loading, just to give you a reference point.

The [[Sonichu's Edge|Mach Speed]] sections suffered from poor control and level design(that means the logical placing of obstacles, not just how the level looks).

Oh, and during said Let's Play, they read all the reviews in all the gaming magazines that reviewed it. Only one gave it anything higher than an "F", and that was later revealed as the critic in question being pressured into giving it a good review against his will.}}
{{EmailReply|I Do Not Care for the CRITICS' OPINIONS on ANY Sonic Game. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 05:23, 7 January 2010 (CET)}}

===No comment strikes again!===
{{Email|From: Elise Oram <elise.oram@gmail.com>

Hi Chris! My name is Elise. I live in Indiana, which is a state that has a lot of corn. I have been reading Sonichu since March. I hadn't read the [[Asperchu]]i comic you labelled as a [[homo]] [[parody]] until today, because of how much you hated it, but I got curious. After reading the whole thing, i felt I should email you to tell you that I think you've got the wrong idea about it. It's only a parody of Sonichu insofar as Sonichu is a parody of Sonic. I found it to be a very touching tribute to you, because Mr. Leary clearly feels that you and your life and accomplishments have inspired him. Asperchu isn't in any way portrayed as a homo. I don't think you even read it from the way you are reacting. I believe you should give it a new chance and "Open Your Heart" as Sonic would say.

Thanks for your time!

Elise O}}
{{EmailReply|No comment.}}

===But he has time to play Legos===
{{Email|From: [[Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>
Shit son, if [[Gay 4 Sonichu]] really is fuckin' up your creations, why don't you just STRAIGHT UP TELL THEM? I mean shit, they have a message board. It's right here: http://gay4sonichu.xxxfaster.net/.}}
{{EmailReply|Because I haven't the time for that at the moment.}}

===At least he's grown up SOMEWHAT===
{{Email|From: blockkick78@aol.com

My FAVORITE holiday in the world is [[Halloween]]. I love dressing up as monsters when I was a kid. What did you [[cosplay|dress up]] as when you went out Trick-or-Treating? I'd really appreciate as full a list as you can provide, including years, any comments you might have on the costumes, and/or even pictures if you have some.}}
{{EmailReply|I have not Trick-or-Treated in years. Those details I would have to sort out and get back on.}}

===Chris denies balding===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Edward R. Burke|Ed Burke]] <edburke@live.com>
Chris, you are balding. It's okay; there are products that can help save your [[hair]]. I suggest [[Wikipedia:Minoxidil|Rogaine]], but you can do some additional research on your own.

If you do not believe me, please show the top of your head clearly in your next [[youtube]] video. That way, your hairline will be a matter of record. If I am wrong about your hair I will not only admit it, but also tell all my friends who think you are losing your hair that they are wrong.

I'm trying to help you here buddy. The trolls say you're going bald. If you're not, you can prove it and shut them up. If you are, there are ways to save your here. Take control.}}
{{EmailReply|I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor.}}

===Chris has contempt for his loyal fanbase===
{{Email|From: Bill The Scientist <billthescientist@hotmail.co.uk>
DEAR CWC,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NO COMMENT?! I FEEL THAT READERS WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YAWNING SQUIRTLE, THE BOULDER DROPPING WHALE, AND ME (BILL THE SCIENTIST), NOT FOR OUR OWN EGOTISTICAL NEED FOR RECOGNITION, (OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT), BUT FOR THE FANS, MAN! THE FANS LOVE US, WE HAVE LITERALLY SEVERAL FANS, WE ARE THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS, IF YOU TAKE A QUIZ ON WHICH CHARACTERS ARE THE MOST POPULAR, WE'D BE THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS.

PEACE OUT,
BILL THE SCIENTIST}}
{{EmailReply|Those characters are ONE-TIME; I have not much care for their popularity.}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
===Brotherly love===
{{Email|From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>

To the REAL Christopher Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler,

I am TRULY SORRY, my last e-mail ACCIDENTALLY went through to the
[[Liquid Chris|IMPOSTOR IN BROWN]]. He is TRICKY and I never meant to mistake him for
you. I would LOVE to see him get his [[Semen|Comeuppance]] in future
reappearances in the Sonichu series. SO MANY of my attempts at coming
to a solution with you over the Legal Matter of [[Simonla]] have
accidentally wound up in his Nefarious Hands.

My lawyers have found a Loophole that might be able to Save You;
Apparently, while using my Simonchu is ILLEGAL and will get you in
JAIL, and Simonla counts as a RIPOFF right now, there's one other way
to fix it. You can apparently turn her Into A Man and it will make her
a PARODY of my Simonchu instead of just a Ripoff. You could Write a
Story about maybe Slaweel Ryam uses Evil Hexes to curse Simonla and
give her [[Pickle|male genitalia]], and show how [[Wild]] and Simonla cope with this
in The Relationship.

HOWEVER, it's Still Legal if she Turns Back to Normal in the end. As
long as she Becomes a Man for a whole Chapter, No Lawsuits will be
necessary and Wild won't have to lose his [[Heartsweet]] to a Tragic,
Permanent Death (which remains the only other solution).

I know this isn't a Pleasant Solution, but I think it's a chance for
Both Characters to Grow without the necessity of Death. This will make
Everything Legal regarding Simonchu/Simonla if you do this story
URGENTLY, if a Story dealing with Simonla either being Killed Off or
Turned into a Man isn't at least STARTED by February, my Lawyers say
that Simonla's appearance is TOTALLY ILLEGAL and we will have to SUE.
I will try and Push This Off to a later date if you Show Cooperation,
however.

Thank You for your Assumed Cooperation, and Look Out For the Return of Simonchu Soon,

Evan Christopher George, Simonchu's TRUE Creator}}
''Chris answered this letter a day later, on 8 [[January 2010]].''
{{EmailReply|After having given it some more thought, I have a suggestion, how about if Simonchu and Simonla were Brother and Sister? HE would still make an appearance to share the [[Sex|Brotherly Love]] to his Sister. That is my offer. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 04:20, 8 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Chris really is all kinds of fucked up===
{{Email|From: kawaiinamine32@aol.com
Thank you for answering my questions, though you didn't answer them, for lack of a better word, well. I'm kind of offended by the "competing". How are we, people with [[Aspergers Syndrome]], like that? Please tell me. as for [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] or whatever his name is now, he has an individual what? That answer made no sense! Did you mean he's an indivual something? Hedgehog-pokemon? Creature? An indiviual who for some reason HAS to have a "heartsweet" like everyone else? I personally think he'd be better off being alone, but whatever. You must be joking about your rating, all the panty shots, Rosechu being nude and tearing into someone's head, gratutious Hedgehog-pokemon sex, partial nudity and people being killed off with detailed deaths...Yup, this is definitely made for children.}}
{{Mailbag}}

Chris and anger

2012-02-27T02:35:06Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quote|I'm not a man who likes to keep rage constantly in my [[Heart level|heart]].|Chris, lying<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 3]]</ref>}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|_aolN7WNKno}}</center>

[[Chris]] has '''anger''' management issues. These usually surface when he is under [[stress]]. Trolls refer to Chris's fits of rage as "tard rage", an expression normally used to describe the seemingly super-human strength a normally mild-tempered [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]] displays when he or she is pushed too far and goes on an anger-fueled rampage. Although in Chris's case "super-human" and "strength" can easily be replaced with "impotent" and "bawling".

== Causes of Chris's anger ==
[[Image:Rawr fag.jpg|thumb|A typical fit of 'tard rage.]]
Chris's issues with anger may stem from being tormented in his early childhood by his [[abusive babysitter]], whom he was frequently left under the care of while [[Bob]] and [[Barbara|Barb]] would go out clubbin' and takin' shots. She allegedly traumatized Chris by locking him alone up in a room full of toys when he was a year old. [[Chris's room|How ironic.]]

Another person who may be behind Chris's anger issues could be his father, Bob. Being Bob's son, Chris would likely be afraid to retaliate to the things Bob does that annoy him, such as very rarely washing his hands, making Chris remove videos from "the damn Internet", and occasionally [[Bob walks in|cutting down the Internet]]. Chris then takes out his anger on innocent, well-meaning [[trolls]], such as [[Clyde Cash]].

Another cause of Chris's anger is the fact that as of the time of writing, as well as long after, Chris is still a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]]. Being a virgin seems to make Chris feel like he is entitled to being allowed frequent moments of rage and seeing as he only manages to [[masturbation|jack off]] twice a week due to his bent [[duck]], he has large amounts of [[semen|testosterone]] stored up in his body he just has to [[Recycling|get out]]. Sexual frustration can make even the best of us a bit cranky, though never to this extreme.

Furthermore, Chris is autistic and therefore lacks understanding of the social restraints of anger. When he gets angry, he sees no reason why he should not go positively nuts. This and the amount of bottled-up stress that autism produces has shown that autistic ''children'' can be very short-tempered. Chris, however, is not an autistic child - he is an autistic adult, and to be honest most other autistics have learned how to cope with stress in ways other than tantrums by the time they are Chris's age. Chris has not. Somewhat ironically, Chris's autism seems to cause him a large amount of anger, since the rest of the world will not acknowledge the "brilliance" of ''Sonichu'' - which is apparently directly brought about from Chris's autism.

But the one thing that causes Chris's anger, more than anything, is the lack of control he has over everything. His own [[ego]] refuses to allow Chris to think of anything but himself, and when things spiral out of control, he gets frustrated. When [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob demanded that Chris take down the videos of their house]], Chris could only flail and tell him that he didn't know what to do, only to tell his "fans" to take it down for him. When [[Liquid Chris|someone pretends to be him]] and be more popular than him, he rages because he feels that it's his popularity, not the faker's. When people [[Asperchu|poke fun at him]] or [[Mailbag 39|constantly question one's gender]], he goes into a hissy fit.

Chris's anger issues date back to before even the formal beginning of his [[Love Quest]]. In [[2000]], he was prescribed the antidepressant [[Wikipedia:Paroxetine|Paxil]] to help manage his frustration and anger, and he continued to take the drug for several years. Whatever effect his medication had, it clearly wasn't enough...

== Examples of Chris's anger ==
The way Chris expresses his anger can be considered [[autism|confusing]], to say the least. In one of his early fits of rage he began to shout "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]" at several [[jerkops]] who were trying to kick him out of a local [[Wal-Mart]]. Most normal people do not shout [[Megan|anime]] references at people who are making them angry. Chris, however, expresses anger like a retarded Internet tough guy would do, taking out his anger on a video camera seeing as he knows it obviously can't and won't fight back. This can be seen in one of his videos on Clyde Cash where he seems to be "Hulking up". He also used to beat people up in ''[[Soul Calibur]]''. On the other hand, even as he is seemingly scared from expressing his anger IRL, he seems to have outbursts when sufficiently pushed as well. Chris was at one point forced to take anger management classes sometime after his final confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. What happened during this epic struggle is only known in Chris's own words.

{{quote|"Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|attack]] that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an anger management course and see a psychiatrist for a while. I was allowed back in."|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]}}

A great example of Chris's anger can be seen in one of Chris's most infamous videos, his "[[YouTube Finale]]". In this video Chris repeatedly threatens poor Clyde, claiming he will indeed [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|strangle him]] some day, even going as far as telling Clyde he will even commit this heinous and reprehensible act in a police station, showing Chris has no control over his angry feelings. The fact Clyde was only trolling Chris in an attempt to lash out at him for his role in the death of his late brother [[Ryan Cash]] shows even further how much Chris may still require a couple of anger management classes.

On several occasions, Chris has also shouted and screamed in videos, and concluded his argument with some sort of a heinous threat — and promptly followed this up with his trademark conclusion of saying "peace" and showing the peace sign, or with "Have a nice day," or something similar. Chris is apparently completely oblivious to the conflict between these extremes.

{{quote|I will be continuing my comics at the moment. But any FURTHER incident and not only will I STOP the comic, but I WILL go to the police. ALL RIGHT? Back the fuck off. Have a good day.|[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|Chris will strangle that Clyde Cash.]]}}

Occasionally when enraged, his tendency to type important words in ALL CAPS becomes more prominent. Compare these two e-mails from the [[Miyamoto Saga]] — the first sounds fairly calm, though he does let loose one all caps phrase. The second sounds more angry and possibly a bit desperate.

{{quote|Also, Please inform [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Mr. Miyamoto]], but I have just awoken Inspired [[Sonichu]]-Wise; I have figured out the Opening Title Movie for [[Sonichu's Adventure]], the Prequel Comic for the possible ''[[Pokémon]] Lightning'' Version, and the monitary-type collectibles in Sonichu's Adventure; NOT RINGS, but C-Quarters (the main money) and W-Quarters (equals 10 C-Quarters).|Chris explaining shit nobody cares about.}}

{{quote|Listen People of Nintendo, DURING MY LIFETIME, my family and I have invested THOUSANDS of American Dollars and Cents in [[Nintendo]] Video Games and Systems from NES and Game Boy to Gamecube/Wii and DS/GBA. I have also attached My List of Video Games I have in my collection; 90 PERCENT of Which were ALL BOUGHT BRAND NEW while available in the stores during its MINT Availability. SURLY you can spot back about just under $800 for our Trip To Seattle in advance.|Chris on his knees begging for money so he can fly to [[Redmond]], citing his extensive collection of Nintendo games as reason why Miyamoto should fork over $700.}}

Other examples of Chris's anger show him taking out his 'tard rage on his [[Clown Doll]]. In the [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]] video a picture of Clyde Cash was taped to the doll and Chris beat it like a spoiled three-year-old who didn't get his way. He also attempted to rip off its head at one point, only to have it slide out through his greasy palms. Chris would attempt to bite the doll's head off again in the [[Sign Destruction Video]], but fans of the doll will be relieved to know that Chris is far too weak to break anything of value. In his video [[Chris Loses It]], Chris proved to us that he's able to shred in half a small cardboard box, but is unable to go through light press-wood. The video also shows his poor acting skills only equal his overall stamina, since he's out of breath before the end of the first minute of the video.

{{quote|RRRAAAARRGGHH!!|Most of the monologue in the [[Chris Loses It]] video.}}

Another recent example has shown that Chris can and will blow up at people even on the telephone. In his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey's father]], Chris quickly became rude to Matthew, especially when the man came down on Chris for his health and his attitude. Even worse, when Chris [[Kacey and Liquid Call|talked to Kacey and Liquid]], he came up in arms over Liquid's continued referral of "Ian Brandon Anderson" and was completely oblivious over the fact that Kacey was getting upset over the entire thing. Even worse, Chris attempted to hang up on both Matthew AND Kacey, only succeeding with Kacey because he got [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]] and dad in on the conversation. Both instances show that Chris loses his stammering and actually starts speaking normally when enraged.

Around the time when Chris opened the Mailbag to his [[Trolls|adoring fans]], another factor that causes Chris some notable grief was discovered to be the mention of any similarity between high-functioning autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]]. Chris has shown himself to be quite adamant that HFA and Asperger's are entirely unrelated, despite documentation by researchers suggesting quite the opposite. Whilst the anger related to this is of a far lesser magnitude in comparison to, for example, the Liquid Chris saga, it's still clear he's easily irritated by the mere mention of the matter:

{{quote|IF ANYTHING, the Asperger people ARE and HAVE BEEN NORMAL. They think they can one-up, or even match, autism with the Lack of Social Capability and their Clumsiness and such. THOSE Characteristics can be FAKED by them who are MOST NORMAL compared to us TRUE AUTISTIC PEOPLE.|Chris in his [[CWCipedia]] article on Asperger's syndrome.}}

It's surprising at first how irritated Chris is by this matter. However, the CWCipedia article makes it clear that Chris is angry at Asperger's sufferers for "stealing" the limelight from autistic folks such as himself. He seems to be of the opinion that those diagnosed with the condition are faking it to get attention, [[Chris and his ego|attention that he feels he deserves as an autistic person]].

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = My Bad Side
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SyYGgtN7s9M}}
| Stardate = 18 January 2012
| Maker = GhostofBillRiley
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Virgin with rage]]
*[[Death threats]]
*[[:Category:Videos with RAGE|Videos with Rage]]

{{Chris and}}

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:Tardrage.png]] </div>

Chris's birthday

2012-02-26T22:53:42Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg Pro200] handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in Sonichu 6, and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children—composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]—Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a PS Vita and a Copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing game).

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Emails

2012-02-26T22:42:49Z

A Pop To Lick It: template

{{Incomplete}}This page covers miscellaneous '''emails''' exchanged between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Trolls|others]].
==Chris==
=== 2004-2006 ===
{{main|Chris E-mails 2004-2006}}
'''February 2004'''

An email sent to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], showcasing Chris's humongous [[ego]]. Chris tells Mary that in exchange for killing any meeting between the two and the continued distribution of [[Sonichu News Dash]], he will stop [[Attraction Sign|note-hanging]] and find more [[Scale of Respect|respect]] for both Mary and another administrator, Susan Hannifan. Mary ignores his requests, stressing the importance of a meeting. The meeting occurred on 9 February.

'''October 2005'''

[[Nintendo]] sends a form letter to Chris after he asks them to employ him so he can get [[Monthly Tugboat|paid]] to <s>play</s> test [[video games]] from [[14 Branchland Court|home]].
{{Quote|If you haven't already done so, you can sign-up for a My Nintendo membership...}}
'''September 2006'''

Chris sends [[Anna]] an email containing a eulogy to [[Patti]]. Strangely, picking up her litter, giving her a [[Homos|Bally Scratch]], and [[Obesity|feeding]] her are lovely memories.

=== 2007 ===
{{main|Chris E-mails 2007}}

'''February'''

An email addressed to one of his old teachers, Mrs. Sanford. It talks about the people in the class, the [[PVCC]] incident, his first meeting with [[Megan]], a DVD, and [[Sonichu]]. Thus begins the [[Emails#Megan|Megan Saga]]...

'''March'''

Chris touches base with his brother and [[Cole]] sheds some light on his relationship (or lack thereof) with [[Barb]] and his stepfather, [[Bob]].

{{quote|I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies..|}}

'''July'''

Chris asks someone named Susan Hannifan to vote for his [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] entry. [[lie|She says she will]].

In another e-mail, Chris calls in a favor from Cole, requesting that he vote for his [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] entry. Cole asks him to first convince Barb to tell him the identity of his biological father. This chore is begrudgingly carried through, with minimal effort of course. Cole is never given the true identity of his biological father, and Chris never receives his vote.

'''August'''

Chris [[Chris and Anger|rages]] at [[Sony]] about him losing the contest, and he reveals that the only reason Chris wanted to win was because he wanted to have [[sex]] with Megan. She would have said no either way. He also lists all the reasons the other videos cheated. He, of course, does not mention that [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he voted for himself many, many, many times]]. He then says that he was just [[Stress|depressed]], not to make up for the raging, but so he could still collect the prizes. Sony sends him a form letter.

'''November'''

The shit hits the fan. Chris is informed that somebody is pretending to be a [[Blanca|girl]] to get some [[nudes]] of him. He doesn't listen. Chris emails Anna, telling her about the terrible things [[ED]] has done. She tells him to sue them. Chris tells her that it's just some guy with some time on his hands (Which is the first time he has actually seen a [[troll]] as just a guy) and then tells her about [[Joshua Martinez]] and how Megan broke up with him (when they were not in a relationship.) and says he's met someone named [[Lori Lopez]]. Matthew Kelly tells Chris he can't use Sonichu, because it's Matt's character. Chris doesn't respond.

=== 2008 ===

{{main|Chris E-mails 2008}}

'''January'''

Chris tells Anna about ED, and asks her if the [[Tale of the Crazy Pacer]] was really written by her.

'''March'''

Chris tells Anna how to edit ED. He also emails WikiMedia, asking them how to Edit Lock the ED page. They tell him that they are not in control of it.

'''June'''

Chris asks a man named Tyler Wayne to give Megan a present that he was unable to give due to [[Michael Snyder]]. Tyler tells him to arrange a meeting with her elsewhere, and give it to her then. A white knight tries in vain to get through to Chris on many matters: Blaming [[Autism]] on everything; the [[love quest]]; the [[Attraction Sign]]; [[Chris and Fashion|his wardrobe]]; the [[Medallion of Fail]]; and [[MySpace]].

'''July'''

Apparently the only thing that keeps Chris sane is [[video games]]. [[Little Big Planet|This is not surprising]].

[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|Chris's deepest desire?]]

'''August'''

Chris thinks Fox News will actually care enough about him that they'll attempt to take down the ED page. He also believes that Reporters = FBI agents. He also sends an email to a woman named Elizabeth, informing her about ED. He sends another email to [[Robert Simmons V]]. He talks about how ED is losing its power (apparently) and about how Meg from [[Family Guy]] is, in his eyes, pretty. Meg is meant to be an ugly character, but Chris can't catch on to this. He sends yet another Email. this time to Kathleen Nicole Wallace, who he believes, using his amazing Autism logic, had sex with [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], and since she's seventeen, this means that Jason is a [[pedofork]]. It should be noted that in certain states of [[America]], the age of consent is 16, and that the only reason he thinks they had sex was because they were in a relationship.

'''September'''

Chris sends another email to Elizabeth, talking about how evil the trolls are, and telling her that he's repented. She replies, and sets him up with [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. Somebody has stolen Chris's [[YouTube]] account, and a troll seems to forget how YouTube messaging works and ends up revealing to Chris this fact.

==Megan==
=== 2005-2006 ===

{{main|Megan Emails, 2005-2006}}

'''November 2005'''

Megan sends an email to Chris about getting her a Tintin video. This is the first documented Megan email.

[[Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg|thumb|"When you said we had a lot in common like Sailormoon and My Little Pony, well who Loved Sailormoon first?"]]

'''December 2005'''

Chris tells Megan he'd like to go out with her to [[McDonald's]] before thanking her for pictures she sent him. Megan responds with an email asking him to stop trying to kiss her.

'''May 2006'''

Chris asks Megan for her number after telling her he's going to send her pictures of his stuff.

'''June 2006'''

Megan sends Chris two emails: one regarding the photos he sent her, and another telling him once again that she would like him to stop trying to make [[rape|unwanted advances]] to her.

'''July 2006'''

Megan sends Chris more mixed signals in an email, saying she believes he [[tracing|copies her art]] and her [[My Little Pony|interests]].

'''August 2006'''

Megan sends the controversial email containing the ever-famous quote:
{{quote|If I was an ugly girl, you wouldn't even come near me would you?|}}

=== 2007 ===

{{main|Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007}}

'''March'''

Chris sends Megan an apology about his recent behavior via email. Megan completely ignores the apology, starting on a different subject matter: how he portrays her characters. She then requests he stop drawing them with [[Plush Breasts|human-like characteristics]].

'''April'''

Megan adds one more email to the "Stop Fucking Touching Me" collection, filled with complaints of his lack of personal space and her lack for needing money.

'''May'''

Chris introduces the legendary [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|Soul Calibur video]], along with some shitty poem about game consoles.

'''June'''

Chris emails Megan while she's in Kentucky about [[video games]]. A day later, he mourns the 1 year anniversary of [[Patti]]'s [[Chris_and_death|death]].

'''July'''

Chris sends Megan, who is still on vacation, a series of emails about various subject matter, including [[The GAMe PLACe|Pokemon League]], [[Transformers]], [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|his gunky ear]] and a long list of shit nobody cares about.

{{main|Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007}}

'''August'''

Megan finally responds to his earlier emails, going on a well-reasoned rant:
{{quote|With all that said, we're down to two options:
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk.
-or-
B: Never see me again|}}
After this, Megan goes on a month-long hiatus from checking her email, creating one more stack of useless emails from Chris. In them, he begs for her not to leave him and how he's not jealous of [[Adam Stackhouse]] any longer.

[[Image:Detailsonichurule34.png|thumb|100px|left|The fanart in question.]]

'''October'''

Megan comes back. She offers Chris things she no longer wants that she has found in her room, much like Chris's wardrobe. The two of them converse about cards, Crocs, an incident in the library, and Megan's then-boyfriend.

'''November'''

Chris brings up [[Evan]]'s fanart and [[Lori]]. Megan is curious about Lori, asking for further explanation. Chris is quick to dismiss the question, talking about Pokemon once more. Megan tries to bring up Lori again while asking Chris to download music for her.

'''December'''

Chris replies to Megan about something completely different, disregarding her last email. This is the last Megan email of 2007.

=== 2008 ===

{{main|Megan Emails, 2008}}

'''January'''

Only one email was sent in January, in which Chris makes plans of him and Megan living together.

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|You'd think this is the image that scared her shitless.]]

'''March'''

Megan asks Chris to remove any and all information of her on the internet, including pictures. Things seemed to be going alright, until it took the turn for the worst: Megan finds out about Chris's [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|hand-drawn Rule 34]] that he has drawn of the both of them.

{{quote|I am very much scarred by that image and it will never leave me.|}}

She asks him to leave her alone for a while, and he mistakes her being scarred as a lack of sex knowledge. Chris manages to remove the image from ED, but only for a while. Megan gets fed up but Chris continues to pester her, claiming drawing the picture helped him from [[Rape|raping her]]. She repeatedly asks Chris to leave her alone.

'''April'''

The last of the Megan emails. Megan responds to an email Chris sent about his feelings, saying she can't trust him anymore. This brings the Megan Saga to a close.

==Vivian==
=== 2007 ===
'''November'''

[[Vivian Gee]] sends Chris an email, claiming to be the original creator of Sonichu, in an attempt to troll him. She also sends an email telling him to "get rid of that damn medallion" so girls will like him more.

=== 2008 ===
'''August'''

Vivian contacts Chris after nine long months, sending him an email about [[Liquid]]. Chris responds with more regard to Sonichu than the matter at hand.

'''September'''

Vivian emails Chris about his [[Sonichu 8|recent comic]]. No reply. She then sends an email about how Jason is not to blame for most of the content on the ED page. Still no reply. After warning him about Blanca, SonichuFan1985 and Panda, Chris finally listens...only to talk about his beloved electric hedgehog Pokemon. Vivi sends two more emails concerning the fate of Sonichu that are never replied to.

'''October'''

Vivi sends three last emails to Chris about Blanca, his medallion, and to seek some psychiatric help. These also came with no reply.

=== 2009 ===
'''February'''

Vivian sends our favorite manchild an interesting idea: A daily webshow with various segments on Chris and Sonichu. Chris "considers it", but it was never brought into action. A few days later, Chris tells Vivi to tell Clyde to stop picking on him. Vivi says she has no power over that, but does suggest he start cleaning up his act by getting a [[job]] and pay off his debts.

[[Image:Cheers06.jpg|thumb|left|[[The_Miscreants|Hail, hail, the gang's all here!]]]]

'''May'''

Chris informs Vivi that Clyde has hacked into his PSN account, costing him $15.98 of his $20 PSN card. He then asks Vivi to send him a check for the lost money, thinking Vivian is "taking the reigns ''[sic]''" for Clyde. Vivian, like most would, does not send him the money.

'''August'''

Chris thanks the trolls for making him grow up to be a [[Chris_and_anger|stronger person]].

{{quote|You still haven't learned anything have you?|Vivian's response, telling it like it is.}}

He then finds out that Vivian is getting paid for selling copies of his [[DVD]]. Enraged, Chris claims Vivi to be in violation "[[Chris and the Law|of the Counterfeit Laws]]". He asks her to scan her driver's license for proof of her identity, unaware that she does not drive a car. Realizing his false accusation, he asks her to upload her passport.

'''September'''

After no reply, Chris sends her [[death threats]] before blocking Vivian's email for two months.

'''November'''

Chris contacts Vivian for the first time since blocking her. He apologizes for his previous outbursts and asks for 25% of all the money she has, "and will have, made from all that you have put together and sold, as well as two copies of each CD/DVD of the [[Audiobooks]], and two of each other additional merchandise aside from the Audiobooks." Immediately, Vivian tells him to go fuck himself. Chris then asks Vivian to be his manager of business relations. Vivian says he'd be better off making a promotional video of his pitch for Sonichu.

The next few emails Chris sends are not as frequent, leaving Vivian to believe he's being a lazy shit as always. Chris is indeed being undoubtedly [[Chris_and_negotiation#Chris.'s_Tactics|lazy]], not working on Sonichu pages much of the Thanksgiving weekend.

== Blanca Emails ==

{{main|Blanca Emails, August 2008}}

'''August 2008'''

Blanca sends Chris an email with an attachment of her [[Jiggliami]] character. Chris immediately requests that she wear high heels, thus taking his first step into making this character just another lifeless husk along with the rest of the females in his comic. Blanca agrees, because 'she's a diva and all.' Chris then creates an image of Jiggliami, and suggests that he mail her a physical copy for decorative purposes, under the assumption that his [[art]] is high quality. Blanca says she would love a copy. Chris flirts with her here and there while discussing Jiggliami's future role in the comics.
{{Quote|And I do not mean to sound like a panther, ready to sieze[sic] the moment... although the thought obviously passed my mind... *blush*}}
They continue a string of emails in which they bond over [[Biological Clock|biological clocks]], [[Sexism|shopping]], and [[nudes]].

{{Emails}}
[[Category:E-mails]] [[Category:Historical Documents]]

Mailbag

2012-02-26T22:39:01Z

A Pop To Lick It:

[[Image:Letr.gif|thumb|right|Chris's fanmail clipart from CWCipedia. It uses the same colors as [[CWCville|Nazi Germany]].]]
{{Quote|not ALL Objectionable Letters go to the Reject Pile... more like the Round-Hole Bin.|Chris<ref>[[Twitter]]</ref>}}
On 19 [[November 2009]], the sysop of [[CWCipedia]] created a new page for [[Chris]] to answer [[troll|fan]] e-mails. This '''Mailbag''' marked the first time the words of other humans appeared on CWCipedia, which up to that point had been all Chris all the time.

The Mailbag quickly overflowed from its original page into a series of numbered pages, each one containing a random assortment of fanmail for Chris to respond to with his own special brand of [[Honest Content]]. This quickly became the best way to ask Chris any manner of questions about his deeply disturbing life, though Chris has become disillusioned with the practice over time (especially as letters increasingly focused on his many [[fail]]ures and [[autism|other shortcomings]]). Chris ceased answering the letters in [[February 2010]], during which he was more focused on [[The Wallflower]] than his works and left them to rot after he "abandoned" the [[Internet]] and the original [[CWCipedia]] was deleted.

==Insight==
This direct line into Chris's thoughts allowed curious trolls a brand new way to find the answers they so desperately sought: asking politely. Through these messages, several aspects of Chris's personality were either exposed or reinforced.

* '''Chris doesn't want to help his [[fans]].''' Fanmail sections are supposed to be about the author going an extra mile for pleasing, informing, and otherwise helping the reader. Chris simply assumes that the way he does things is the only possible way of handling the Mailbag; he doesn't even stop to consider that there are some established conventions in answering fanmail, and that he's failing to uphold them. Basic politeness has long since gone out of window. So have any displays of effort in answering the e-mails. He also has the knack of stalling the discussions by requiring effort from the reader: he's — no kidding — asking for ''definitions of words'' which could be found with two seconds of Googling.<ref>[[Mailbag 48#Chris recommends wearing girl clothes over guy clothes|Mailbag 48]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 54#What is an screencap|Mailbag #54]]</ref> He can't even be bothered to make his replies easy to read for his fans with the use of bullet points, and instead. Autistically. Opts. For. One. Word. Replies. After. Another.
* '''Chris absolutely despises being corrected.''' Repeatedly, Chris insisted that [[Asperger syndrome]] was "nothing" like [[autism]], and refused to even look at information that would suggest otherwise, outright saying that he was "[[Mailbag 4#Chris the close-minded|closed-minded]]" on the subject.
* '''Chris's aversion to certain words is as strong as ever.''' While Chris has apparently got over using the word "dick", his reliance on [[CWC-isms]] remains unchecked, the most notable example would be referring to a swastika as a "[[Mailbag 5#That wacky Hitler|four-boomerang-shaped symbol]]". In a [[Common Questions#22 February 2010|Common Questions]] section, however, he did use the word "[[Wikipedia:swastika|swastika]]", so he may be improving in this area.
* '''Chris is fully aware of the fact that he's plagiarizing.''' When speaking about his inspiration, he said that his ideas were sometimes "borrowed from a [[Television|TV show]] or movie." He also treated fan suggestions as though he was going to take every single one of them rather than coming up with his own ideas, at [[Mailbag 3#In which Chris gives someone permission to make characters for him to steal|one point]] giving a fan "permission" to submit a character for Chris to use in a future story.
* '''Chris sure does hate [[homos|gay people]].''' Not consistently, though. When Chris isn't going on about how [[Mailbag 1#The cure for homosexuality|he's going to cure homosexuality]] or hoping that [[Mailbag_49|the homos all die in foreign wars]], he's making vague attempts at damage control, saying things like he wouldn't hate a guy "[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|for just one reason]]." It seems like he's aware that his homophobia offends his audience, but his hatred is so visceral that he can't always keep it under wraps.
* '''Chris thinks the things he does are groundbreaking.''' In response to a letter about inventions, Chris says that necessity is the mother of inventions and proceeded to name Sonichu and CWCville as inventions. Take that, [[China]]!
* '''Chris is largely unaware of the outside world.''' Obvious, of course, but he has now received letters from people claiming to be [[Mailbag 9#Iranian democracy|corrupt]] [[Mailbag 3#Leadership role models|dictators]] (or [[Mailbag 6#North Korea is pretty cool|their kids]]), [[Mailbag 6#In which Chris recommends a sex store to a serial murderer|serial]] [[Mailbag 7#Good housekeeping|murderers]], a [[Mailbag 5#That wacky Hitler|few]] [[Mailbag 9#Deutschland, Deutschland über alles|Nazis]], [[Mailbag 1#Chris the inventor|brilliant artists]], famous [[Mailbag 4#Gabe Newell: white knight|video game designers]], [[Mailbag 2#Sonichu's Job|fictional]] [[Mailbag 2#The Guitar Hero workout|characters]], [[Mailbag 9#Chris the illest rapper|rock stars]], [[Mailbag_55|internationally famous lounge singers]], [[Mailbag_9#Request_hour|a bisexual German cannibal]], [[Mailbag_34|the heroes of various cult-favorite video games]], [[Mailbag 55|a deceased porn star offering a conditional date]], and [[Mailbag 4#Hail Satan|the Devil himself]].<ref>See [[Mailbag/References]] for the full list of famous individuals whose identities were used by mailers.</ref> The only person Chris has managed to recognize is horror author Stephen King in [[Mailbag 26|Mailbag #26]], probably because Chris was familiar with the Stephen King-related ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode. In [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #8]], he says he confused "Mike Jackson" with Michael Jackson, ''painfully'' oblivious to the fact that there are a lot of people with same names, or that people could use pen names that happen to be inspired by famous people.
* '''Chris thinks girlfriends solve everything.''' Inevitably, his advice to most of his correspondents who are having any kind of problem is that they should find a girlfriend. Since Chris imagines a girlfriend as a nurturing mother figure who provides for your every need in addition to giving up the [[china]], he reckons that they're the solution to any and all emotional or practical difficulties. In particular, this is his response to anyone who is worried that they might be experiencing "homo urges".

==Censorship==
{{main|Chris and censorship}}
[[Image:CWCstalin1.png|thumb|right|Chris is fond of censorship.]]
Perhaps the most telling parts of the Mailbags are not Chris's answers, but the letters Chris refuses to answer. In the first few Mailbags, all e-mails that did not lavish adequate amounts of praise on Chris were promptly deleted. A few that ''did'' lavish praise on him were also deleted, because they were written by people whom Chris found objectionable. These "unwanted" individuals generally consisted of [[Homos|gays]], [[Niggos|blacks]], and [[Chris and religion|atheists]]. A couple of other individuals were silenced when they confused Chris with the [[CChanSonichuCWC|other, better Chris]]. Finally, one e-mail was only partially deleted, because the author stated that he was not fond of Michael Bay's ''[[Transformers]]'' movies.

In later Mailbags, Chris deleted less mail, notably after a few messages called him out on his suppression of the press. His choices for deletion however, became more erratic, deleting messages from people who wanted to actually help him, or from people asking serious honest questions. Eventually Chris added a [[Rejected Mailbag]] page to the CWCipedia, as a place for e-mails he rejected, saying that they had "offensive, or mislabeling, content that I, Christian W. Chandler, would not care to respond to." Oddly, he then typed full responses to several of these "rejected" letters, making the whole thing pointless.

His newest trick, though, is to use strikeouts (<s>like this</s>) to edit letters that make him uncomfortable. Mostly he edits out anything related to homosexuality, and replaces it with non-homo stuff. However, he has gone back and undone some of these strikeouts.

In the early hours of 19 January, Chris deleted the entirety of [[Mailbag 41|Mailbag #41]] and uploaded a manifesto in its place banning ''[[Asperchu]]''-related mail. This did not stem the flow of questions and comments about ''Asperchu'', but Chris's hatred of the subject inspired him to once again carve up the Mailbags with gusto. [[Mailbag 46|Mailbag #46]], for instance, saw three of its seven letters consigned to the memory hole.

[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #3]] shows that Chris knew that anyone can see the deleted mails through the page history. Yet, due to his general obliviousness, he doesn't know what people usually think when they see the Mailbag has been tampered with. Transparency can have averse effects on people.

With [[Mailbag 52|Mailbag 52]], Chris has started a new sort of reply beyond deleting everything. Ten e-mails, many of which were derogatory (and even one coming from [[Chris and death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|the widow of the man he helped push to suicide]]), were all answered with this response:

{{quote|Your letter has been read fully, and your thoughts have been inputed and accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts.}}

The heartlessness of such a "canned" reply has earned the ire of many fans.

==The [[Twitter]] feed==
{{main|Twitter}}
On 25 [[December 2009]], the WikiSysop added a live Twitter feed to the Mailbag. This was short-lived, as on the early morning of 27 December, Chris removed it in a fit of [[rage]] and added the following note:

{{quote|o I will have NO DISCUSSIONS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK ON MY OWN WEBSITE WHATSOEVER!

I DO NOT SUPPORT YOU GOD DAMN [[Homos|GAYS]]!!! I F***ING HATE ALL OF YOU WHO ARE THE MAJORITY OF [[Trolls|TROLLS]] WHO MESS WITH ME AND MY LIFE!

GO GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

NO [[Twitter|TWITTER]] ALLOWED!!!|

--ChrisChanSonichu 04:31, 27 [[December 2009]] (CET) }}

Exactly five minutes later Chris would create a special page for the Twitter feed, and delete the homophobic outburst quoted above. Chris would create a Twitter account for himself [[Chris and hypocrisy|the very next day]], regaling his fans with stories of him doing yardwork.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Chris E-Mails]]
* [[CWCipedia]]
* [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence]]

{{Mailbag}}

[[Category:CWCipedia]]

Little Tomboy Blue

2012-02-26T21:34:36Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Honest}}

'''Little Tomboy Blue''' (leaked as '''urqehgvuierg''') is a horrifying video of [[Chris]] stripping for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]] to musical accompaniment, leaked on 25 [[February 2012]].

Chris, in full [[tomgirl]] garb, uses his [[PS3]] to play "[[Wikipedia:Fuck the Pain Away|Fuck the Pain Away]]" by electroclash artist [[Wikipedia:Peaches (musician)|Peaches]] as he poorly imitates traditional stripper mannerisms. Interspersed in the actual song are his made-up lyrics, mostly nonsensical exclamations of his tomgirl pride. As the video progresses, Chris sheds more and more of his clothing, eventually revealing his [[muscle bra]] and panties, with his abdominal flab spilling over the waistline. At points in the video, Chris turns his backside toward the camera and pulls down the panties to jiggle his fat ass. Toward the end, Chris removes his bra and slowly massages his nipples while repeatedly uttering the song's final chorus, thus ensuring that all of our recurring nightmares are replaced by Stripping Chris himself.

It is unknown whether or not Jackie explicitly requested this video, or Chris taped it as a spontaneous "gift". However, unaware that most strippers are not only [[obesity|thin]] but also [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]], Chris's hamfisted attempt at impressing Jackie instead comes across as thoroughly disgusting and creepy. Many [[Relics of Fail]] are visible in this video, including several [[Sonichu]] cutouts, and the original [[Attraction Sign]] from 2003, which, evidently, Chris has found important enough to have kept taped to his wall almost nine years later.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Little Tomboy Blue
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Dada-uqoDUY}}
| stardate =
| subject = Strip tease
| style = {{Comedy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue/navy tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
{{Transcription}}
Little Tomboy Blue? Come blow my [[duck|horn]].

''At one point, Chris attempts to lift both legs to waist height. He has to grab them with his arms to accomplish this, and immediately grimaces with the pain of physical effort''

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Emails

2012-02-26T21:06:31Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Incomplete}}This page covers miscellaneous '''emails''' exchanged between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Trolls|others]].
==Chris==
=== 2004-2006 ===
:''Main page: [[Chris E-mails 2004-2006]]''
'''February 2004'''

An email sent to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], showcasing Chris's humongous [[ego]]. Chris tells Mary that in exchange for killing any meeting between the two and the continued distribution of [[Sonichu News Dash]], he will stop [[Attraction Sign|note-hanging]] and find more [[Scale of Respect|respect]] for both Mary and another administrator, Susan Hannifan. Mary ignores his requests, stressing the importance of a meeting. The meeting occurred on 9 February.

'''October 2005'''

[[Nintendo]] sends a form letter to Chris after he asks them to employ him so he can get [[Monthly Tugboat|paid]] to <s>play</s> test [[video games]] from [[14 Branchland Court|home]].
{{Quote|If you haven't already done so, you can sign-up for a My Nintendo membership...}}
'''September 2006'''

Chris sends [[Anna]] an email containing a eulogy to [[Patti]]. Strangely, picking up her litter, giving her a [[Homos|Bally Scratch]], and [[Obesity|feeding]] her are lovely memories.

=== 2007 ===
:''Main page: [[Chris E-mails 2007]]''

'''February'''

An email addressed to one of his old teachers, Mrs. Sanford. It talks about the people in the class, the [[PVCC]] incident, his first meeting with [[Megan]], a DVD, and [[Sonichu]]. Thus begins the [[Emails#Megan|Megan Saga]]...

'''March'''

Chris touches base with his brother and [[Cole]] sheds some light on his relationship (or lack thereof) with [[Barb]] and his stepfather, [[Bob]].

{{quote|I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies..|}}

'''July'''

Chris asks someone named Susan Hannifan to vote for his [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] entry. [[lie|She says she will]].

In another e-mail, Chris calls in a favor from Cole, requesting that he vote for his [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] entry. Cole asks him to first convince Barb to tell him the identity of his biological father. This chore is begrudgingly carried through, with minimal effort of course. Cole is never given the true identity of his biological father, and Chris never receives his vote.

'''August'''

Chris [[Chris and Anger|rages]] at [[Sony]] about him losing the contest, and he reveals that the only reason Chris wanted to win was because he wanted to have [[sex]] with Megan. She would have said no either way. He also lists all the reasons the other videos cheated. He, of course, does not mention that [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he voted for himself many, many, many times]]. He then says that he was just [[Stress|depressed]], not to make up for the raging, but so he could still collect the prizes. Sony sends him a form letter.

'''November'''

The shit hits the fan. Chris is informed that somebody is pretending to be a [[Blanca|girl]] to get some [[nudes]] of him. He doesn't listen. Chris emails Anna, telling her about the terrible things [[ED]] has done. She tells him to sue them. Chris tells her that it's just some guy with some time on his hands (Which is the first time he has actually seen a [[troll]] as just a guy) and then tells her about [[Joshua Martinez]] and how Megan broke up with him (when they were not in a relationship.) and says he's met someone named [[Lori Lopez]]. Matthew Kelly tells Chris he can't use Sonichu, because it's Matt's character. Chris doesn't respond.

=== 2008 ===

:''Main page: [[Chris E-mails 2008]]''

'''January'''

Chris tells Anna about ED, and asks her if the [[Tale of the Crazy Pacer]] was really written by her.

'''March'''

Chris tells Anna how to edit ED. He also emails WikiMedia, asking them how to Edit Lock the ED page. They tell him that they are not in control of it.

'''June'''

Chris asks a man named Tyler Wayne to give Megan a present that he was unable to give due to [[Michael Snyder]]. Tyler tells him to arrange a meeting with her elsewhere, and give it to her then. A white knight tries in vain to get through to Chris on many matters: Blaming [[Autism]] on everything; the [[love quest]]; the [[Attraction Sign]]; [[Chris and Fashion|his wardrobe]]; the [[Medallion of Fail]]; and [[MySpace]].

'''July'''

Apparently the only thing that keeps Chris sane is [[video games]]. [[Little Big Planet|This is not surprising]].

[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|Chris's deepest desire?]]

'''August'''

Chris thinks Fox News will actually care enough about him that they'll attempt to take down the ED page. He also believes that Reporters = FBI agents. He also sends an email to a woman named Elizabeth, informing her about ED. He sends another email to [[Robert Simmons V]]. He talks about how ED is losing its power (apparently) and about how Meg from [[Family Guy]] is, in his eyes, pretty. Meg is meant to be an ugly character, but Chris can't catch on to this. He sends yet another Email. this time to Kathleen Nicole Wallace, who he believes, using his amazing Autism logic, had sex with [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], and since she's seventeen, this means that Jason is a [[pedofork]]. It should be noted that in certain states of [[America]], the age of consent is 16, and that the only reason he thinks they had sex was because they were in a relationship.

'''September'''

Chris sends another email to Elizabeth, talking about how evil the trolls are, and telling her that he's repented. She replies, and sets him up with [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. Somebody has stolen Chris's [[YouTube]] account, and a troll seems to forget how YouTube messaging works and ends up revealing to Chris this fact.

==Megan==
=== 2005-2006 ===

:''Main page: [[Megan Emails, 2005-2006]]''

'''November 2005'''

Megan sends an email to Chris about getting her a Tintin video. This is the first documented Megan email.

[[Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg|thumb|"When you said we had a lot in common like Sailormoon and My Little Pony, well who Loved Sailormoon first?"]]

'''December 2005'''

Chris tells Megan he'd like to go out with her to [[McDonald's]] before thanking her for pictures she sent him. Megan responds with an email asking him to stop trying to kiss her.

'''May 2006'''

Chris asks Megan for her number after telling her he's going to send her pictures of his stuff.

'''June 2006'''

Megan sends Chris two emails: one regarding the photos he sent her, and another telling him once again that she would like him to stop trying to make [[rape|unwanted advances]] to her.

'''July 2006'''

Megan sends Chris more mixed signals in an email, saying she believes he [[tracing|copies her art]] and her [[My Little Pony|interests]].

'''August 2006'''

Megan sends the controversial email containing the ever-famous quote:
{{quote|If I was an ugly girl, you wouldn't even come near me would you?|}}

=== 2007 ===

:''Main page: [[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007]]''

'''March'''

Chris sends Megan an apology about his recent behavior via email. Megan completely ignores the apology, starting on a different subject matter: how he portrays her characters. She then requests he stop drawing them with [[Plush Breasts|human-like characteristics]].

'''April'''

Megan adds one more email to the "Stop Fucking Touching Me" collection, filled with complaints of his lack of personal space and her lack for needing money.

'''May'''

Chris introduces the legendary [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|Soul Calibur video]], along with some shitty poem about game consoles.

'''June'''

Chris emails Megan while she's in Kentucky about [[video games]]. A day later, he mourns the 1 year anniversary of [[Patti]]'s [[Chris_and_death|death]].

'''July'''

Chris sends Megan, who is still on vacation, a series of emails about various subject matter, including [[The GAMe PLACe|Pokemon League]], [[Transformers]], [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|his gunky ear]] and a long list of shit nobody cares about.

:''Main page: [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]''

'''August'''

Megan finally responds to his earlier emails, going on a well-reasoned rant:
{{quote|With all that said, we're down to two options:
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk.
-or-
B: Never see me again|}}
After this, Megan goes on a month-long hiatus from checking her email, creating one more stack of useless emails from Chris. In them, he begs for her not to leave him and how he's not jealous of [[Adam Stackhouse]] any longer.

[[Image:Detailsonichurule34.png|thumb|100px|left|The fanart in question.]]

'''October'''

Megan comes back. She offers Chris things she no longer wants that she has found in her room, much like Chris's wardrobe. The two of them converse about cards, Crocs, an incident in the library, and Megan's then-boyfriend.

'''November'''

Chris brings up [[Evan]]'s fanart and [[Lori]]. Megan is curious about Lori, asking for further explanation. Chris is quick to dismiss the question, talking about Pokemon once more. Megan tries to bring up Lori again while asking Chris to download music for her.

'''December'''

Chris replies to Megan about something completely different, disregarding her last email. This is the last Megan email of 2007.

=== 2008 ===

:''Main page: [[Megan Emails, 2008]]''

'''January'''

Only one email was sent in January, in which Chris makes plans of him and Megan living together.

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|You'd think this is the image that scared her shitless.]]

'''March'''

Megan asks Chris to remove any and all information of her on the internet, including pictures. Things seemed to be going alright, until it took the turn for the worst: Megan finds out about Chris's [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|hand-drawn Rule 34]] that he has drawn of the both of them.

{{quote|I am very much scarred by that image and it will never leave me.|}}

She asks him to leave her alone for a while, and he mistakes her being scarred as a lack of sex knowledge. Chris manages to remove the image from ED, but only for a while. Megan gets fed up but Chris continues to pester her, claiming drawing the picture helped him from [[Rape|raping her]]. She repeatedly asks Chris to leave her alone.

'''April'''

The last of the Megan emails. Megan responds to an email Chris sent about his feelings, saying she can't trust him anymore. This brings the Megan Saga to a close.

==Vivian==
=== 2007 ===
'''November'''

[[Vivian Gee]] sends Chris an email, claiming to be the original creator of Sonichu, in an attempt to troll him. She also sends an email telling him to "get rid of that damn medallion" so girls will like him more.

=== 2008 ===
'''August'''

Vivian contacts Chris after nine long months, sending him an email about [[Liquid]]. Chris responds with more regard to Sonichu than the matter at hand.

'''September'''

Vivian emails Chris about his [[Sonichu 8|recent comic]]. No reply. She then sends an email about how Jason is not to blame for most of the content on the ED page. Still no reply. After warning him about Blanca, SonichuFan1985 and Panda, Chris finally listens...only to talk about his beloved electric hedgehog Pokemon. Vivi sends two more emails concerning the fate of Sonichu that are never replied to.

'''October'''

Vivi sends three last emails to Chris about Blanca, his medallion, and to seek some psychiatric help. These also came with no reply.

=== 2009 ===
'''February'''

Vivian sends our favorite manchild an interesting idea: A daily webshow with various segments on Chris and Sonichu. Chris "considers it", but it was never brought into action. A few days later, Chris tells Vivi to tell Clyde to stop picking on him. Vivi says she has no power over that, but does suggest he start cleaning up his act by getting a [[job]] and pay off his debts.

[[Image:Cheers06.jpg|thumb|left|[[The_Miscreants|Hail, hail, the gang's all here!]]]]

'''May'''

Chris informs Vivi that Clyde has hacked into his PSN account, costing him $15.98 of his $20 PSN card. He then asks Vivi to send him a check for the lost money, thinking Vivian is "taking the reigns ''[sic]''" for Clyde. Vivian, like most would, does not send him the money.

'''August'''

Chris thanks the trolls for making him grow up to be a [[Chris_and_anger|stronger person]].

{{quote|You still haven't learned anything have you?|Vivian's response, telling it like it is.}}

He then finds out that Vivian is getting paid for selling copies of his [[DVD]]. Enraged, Chris claims Vivi to be in violation "[[Chris and the Law|of the Counterfeit Laws]]". He asks her to scan her driver's license for proof of her identity, unaware that she does not drive a car. Realizing his false accusation, he asks her to upload her passport.

'''September'''

After no reply, Chris sends her [[death threats]] before blocking Vivian's email for two months.

'''November'''

Chris contacts Vivian for the first time since blocking her. He apologizes for his previous outbursts and asks for 25% of all the money she has, "and will have, made from all that you have put together and sold, as well as two copies of each CD/DVD of the [[Audiobooks]], and two of each other additional merchandise aside from the Audiobooks." Immediately, Vivian tells him to go fuck himself. Chris then asks Vivian to be his manager of business relations. Vivian says he'd be better off making a promotional video of his pitch for Sonichu.

The next few emails Chris sends are not as frequent, leaving Vivian to believe he's being a lazy shit as always. Chris is indeed being undoubtedly [[Chris_and_negotiation#Chris.'s_Tactics|lazy]], not working on Sonichu pages much of the Thanksgiving weekend.

== Blanca Emails ==

:''Main Page: [[Blanca Emails, August 2008]]''

'''August 2008'''

Blanca sends Chris an email with an attachment of her [[Jiggliami]] character. Chris immediately requests that she wear high heels, thus taking his first step into making this character just another lifeless husk along with the rest of the females in his comic. Blanca agrees, because 'she's a diva and all.' Chris then creates an image of Jiggliami, and suggests that he mail her a physical copy for decorative purposes, under the assumption that his [[art]] is high quality. Blanca says she would love a copy. Chris flirts with her here and there while discussing Jiggliami's future role in the comics.
{{Quote|And I do not mean to sound like a panther, ready to sieze[sic] the moment... although the thought obviously passed my mind... *blush*}}
They continue a string of emails in which they bond over [[Biological Clock|biological clocks]], [[Sexism|shopping]], and [[nudes]].

{{Emails}}
[[Category:E-mails]] [[Category:Historical Documents]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2012-02-26T20:57:13Z

A Pop To Lick It:

:''This article is about Chris himself. For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris Tran]] [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris Chrissy [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Kaka Makeup Basics|Kaka]] ''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus'' [[Jackie Chat 6|Chunky Monkey Man]] Great Director Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age 30)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–2011) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–present)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) Male escort ([[2010]], unpaid)
|-
|}
{{quote|I am the high-functioning [[autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Art|artistic]] [[plagiarism|inspiration]] lost with [[Health|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the [[The Wall of Originals|hand-drawing original]] [[copyrights|creator]] of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[autism|high-functioning autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgin]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit video game franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him.]]

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]

Much like the Devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].
{{clear}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do we get the feeling that he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed - by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now thirty years old, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to [[Chris and health#Hygiene|bathe]] regularly," "you can't sit in a store all day [[Attraction Sign|waiting]] for people to talk to you," and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system originally forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and [[Tomgirl Pictures|proudly cross-dresses]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref>
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to [[Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true - the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Aspergers_(CWCipedia_article)</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl—if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school". Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]]. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend...allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''Sonichu'', [[masturbation|masturbating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[Game Place|local game and card shop]]. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]]]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011|2012}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]].

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving another sweetheart ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube Chris and he later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]]]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris does not see his new-found femininity as being in contradiction to heterosexuality. His Love Quest is yet to have reached its end and so far he remains a virgin.

In [[September 2011]], Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]] died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his [[mother]] Barbara is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her [[obesity]] is taken into account.

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. {{clear}}

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan III: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - The 503 Faces of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler" Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

User:A Pop To Lick It

2012-02-26T11:37:43Z

A Pop To Lick It: Created page with "<center>{{Hikikomori}}</center>"

<center>{{Hikikomori}}</center>

You're Always Pretty

2012-02-26T11:34:04Z

A Pop To Lick It:

'''You're Always Pretty''' (leaked as '''hyigybybbhgy.flv''') is the first video [[Barbara|Chris's mother]] has ever appeared in. In the video Chris and Barb solemnly make small talk while eating at [[McDonalds]]. Chris throws her some strangely inappropriate compliments. It is the first of its kind; the most candid look at Chris's mother, who has not yet appeared in his [[YouTube]] videos. The video was leaked on 25 [[February 2012]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = You're Always Pretty
| video = {{#ev:youtube|aUG3rVfilH4}}
| stardate =
| subject = Food
| style =
| saga = {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Not visible
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Barb and Chris sit at a table eating fast food. Chris has apparently just brought out his camera and set it down. Barb is wearing Chris's old pair of [[Pedo-glasses]] with the blue Crayola Model Magic bridge.'']

'''Chris''': -Oh.

'''Barb''': [''Laughing'']

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': You got your digital camera?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Just a little something there...

'''Barb''': Who- who're you gonna take pictures of?

'''Chris''': Uuh.. Just you.. 'Cause I love you!

'''Barb''': Oh, okay. [''Laughing'']

'''Chris''': Yeah.. Yeah.. So, you having fun today? Are we having fun right now?

'''Barb''': I'm eating.

'''Chris''': Mmm'kay. Y'know, you're very pretty. You're ''always'' pretty!

'''Barb''': Thank you.. [''Inaudible. Possibly saying "You know we're gonna get out of here speaking, we're having fun."''].

'''Chris''': Hm? What? Yeah. The shirt I picked out from the Goodwill the 'udder day. Yeah. [[Chris and Music|I'm free as a bird! And this bird you cannot change!]]

'''Barb''': Enjoy your food.

'''Chris''': Yes- [''promptly turns off camera'']

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Reginald Chandler

2012-02-26T11:13:50Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Quote|Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him Reginald; that was not a [[dream]]-thing though. I've had a [[PandaHalo|past internet gal-pal]], who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child.|Chris<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}
[[File:FatherandSon.png|thumb|right|Chris and Baby Reginald Chandler (Reginald is the stupid little blue blob) from [[PlayingHouse]]]]

'''Reginald Chandler''' is [[Chris]]'s imaginary son and older ([[PlayingHouse|or younger]]) brother to his fictitious daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. He pees on the ceiling.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> He is briefly mentioned in chats with [[PandaHalo|Panda]].

His origins seemingly begin with [[PandaHalo]] and her discussions with Chris about the married life they will have in the future (as for Chris, [[Chris and Reality|a single date will inevitably lead to a long and happy marriage]]).

Although Reginald has been mentioned several times in conversation, he is nothing in comparison to his younger sister in Chris's eyes. Reginald has no persona in the comics (except possibly as [[Reginald Sneasel]]) and has never appeared to Chris in a dream. Since the untimely death of PandaHalo, Reginald has not been mentioned outside of direct questioning and a recent video, although it is likely that Chris would still name his hypothetical first-born son Reginald all the same.

Reginald was featured in the [[PlayingHouse]] video, where Chris pretends [[Jackie]] is the mother of his children. This time he was depicted as the younger brother to Crystal. While Crystal can write in a diary despite being in preschool, Reginald was mitigated to speaking only in baby babble. The only interaction Chris has with him is complaining about cleaning up the mess he made in the bathroom, [[Butt garments|changing his diaper]], mentioning that he threw up several times during dinner (never stopping to wipe him off), and demanding he stay quiet for the night so he can [[Hanky panky|fuck]] his wife in peace. It's interesting to note that Chris mentions that Reginald sits in a booster seat, not a high chair. While it's likely Chris doesn't know the difference, it also implies Reginald is big enough to be a toddler. Being a toddler who can only speak in gibberish suggests he inherited [[Autism|a lot]] from his father.

==See also==

*[[Sonichu]], Christian's other imaginary son.
*[[Reginald Sneasel]] a minor villain in the [[Comic]].
*[[Simonla Rosechu]], who hoped to someday have a son she would name "Reginald".
*[[Reggie Fils-Aimé|Reginald Fils-Aimé]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{stub}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Reginald}}
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:People]]

List of videos

2012-02-26T11:09:52Z

A Pop To Lick It:

<div style="clear:right; float:right;">__TOC__</div>
__NOEDITSECTION__

{{Video icon key}}



=[[Template:ListOfVideos/1994-2008|1994—2008]]=

{{ListOfVideos/1994-2008}}

=[[Template:ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2009|January—June 2009]]=

{{ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2009}}

=[[Template:ListOfVideos/Jul-Dec2009|July—December 2009]]=

{{ListOfVideos/Jul-Dec2009}}

=[[Template:ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2010|January—June 2010]]=

{{ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2010}}

=[[Template:ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2010|August—November 2010]]=

{{ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2010}}

=[[Template:ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2011|August—December 2011]]=

{{ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2011}}

=[[Template:ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012|January—present day]]=

{{ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012}}

{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries|*List of Captain's Logs]]

Template:ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012

2012-02-26T11:08:59Z

A Pop To Lick It: oops

==February 2012==

*'''[[Cakefarts]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:03) {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris farts on a cake for Jackie's amusement.

*'''[[Cheerleader]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (0:39) {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris acts like a cheerleader.

*'''[[Chris and Jackie's Date]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (various) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Four videos wherein Chris takes a blow-up doll in lieu of Jackie on a date.

*'''[[Forgot the Glitter]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:00) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris waggles his fat ass at the camera in a Wal-Mart dressing room.

*'''[[Little Tomboy Blue]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:00) {{Comedy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris performs an alarming striptease to Peaches's "Fuck the Pain Away."

*'''[[Teenage Dream]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:00) {{Music}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris sings tunelessly over Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream."

*'''[[Who's Your Brony?]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (various) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Two videos wherein Chris exposes his "cutie mark" on his ass and dry humps a blow-up doll.

*'''[[You're Always Pretty]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (0:55) {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris makes inappropriate comments towards [[Barbara]] in her first video appearance.

<noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is used to generate a segment of the content on the [[List of Videos]] page. This way, the article itself is much easier to manage. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<pre>{{ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012}}</pre>'''

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Template:ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012

2012-02-26T11:07:27Z

A Pop To Lick It: probably out of order with wrong dates, so i alphabetized them

==February 2012==

*'''[[Cakefarts]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:03) {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris farts on a cake for Jackie's amusement.

*'''[[Cheerleader]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (0:39) {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris acts like a cheerleader.

*'''[[Chris and Jackie's Date]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (various) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Four videos wherein Chris takes a blow-up doll in lieu of Jackie on a date.

*'''[[Forgot the Glitter]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:00) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris waggles his fat ass at the camera in a Wal-Mart dressing room.

*'''[[Little Tomboy Blue]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:00) {{Comedy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris performs an alarming striptease to Peaches's "Fuck the Pain Away."

*'''[[Teenage Dream]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (2:00) {{Music}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris sings tunelessly over Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream."

*'''[[Who's Your Brony?]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (various) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Two videos wherein Chris exposes his "cutie mark" on his ass and dry humps a blow-up doll.

*'''[[You're Always Pretty]]''' ''25 [[February 2012]]'' (0:55) {{Tomgirl}} {{Leaked}} Chris makes inappropriate comments towards [[Barbara]] in her first video appearance.

'''<pre>{{ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012}}</pre>'''

- Displays:{{ListOfVideos/Jan-Jun2012}}
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Little Tomboy Blue

2012-02-26T10:56:35Z

A Pop To Lick It: vid

{{Honest}}

'''Little Tomboy Blue''' (leaked as '''urqehgvuierg''') is a horrifying video of [[Chris]] stripping for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]] to musical accompaniment, leaked on 25 [[February 2012]].

Chris, in full [[tomgirl]] garb, uses his [[PS3]] to play "Fuck the Pain Away" by electroclash artist Peaches as he poorly imitates traditional stripper mannerisms. Interspersed in the actual song are his made-up lyrics, mostly nonsensical exclamations of his tomgirl pride. As the video progresses, Chris sheds more and more of his clothing, eventually revealing his [[muscle bra]] and panties, with his abdominal flab spilling over the waistline. At points in the video, Chris turns his backside toward the camera and pulls down the panties to jiggle his fat ass. Toward the end, Chris removes his bra and slowly massages his nipples while repeatedly uttering the song's final chorus, thus ensuring that all of our recurring nightmares are replaced by Stripping Chris himself.

It is unknown whether or not Jackie explicitly requested this video, or Chris taped it as a spontaneous "gift". However, unaware that most strippers are not only [[obesity|thin]] but also [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]], Chris' hamfisted attempt at impressing Jackie instead comes across as thoroughly disgusting and creepy. Many [[Relics of Fail]] are visible in this video, including several [[Sonichu]] cutouts, and the original [[Attraction Sign]] from 2003, which, evidently, Chris has found important enough to have kept taped to his wall almost nine years later.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Little Tomboy Blue
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Dada-uqoDUY}}
| stardate =
| subject = Strip tease
| style = {{Comedy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue/navy tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

Little Tomboy Blue? Come blow my horn.

''At one point, Chris attempts to lift both legs to waist height. He has to grab them with his arms to accomplish this, and immediately grimaces with the pain of physical effort''

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Template:ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2011

2012-02-26T10:44:18Z

A Pop To Lick It:

==August 2011==

*'''[[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]''' ''06 [[August 2011]]'' (5:22) {{Comics}} {{Rumors}} {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Surfshack Tito}} {{RedBlackTrim}} Chris returns to the internet, calling out trolls following an 8 month hiatus from YouTube. First on his list is [[Surfshack Tito]].

*'''[[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]''' ''06 [[August 2011]]'' (3:43) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{RedBlackTrim}} Next on the hit list is Thorg.

*'''[[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]''' ''06 [[August 2011]]'' (1:05) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{RedBlackTrim}} Chris finishes up with a hatrick video, where he sets a deadline for his demands.

*'''[[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]''' ''09 [[August 2011]]'' (5:28) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Asperchu}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Green tomgirl}} {{Redbra}} Chris exposes [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]], [[The GAMe PLACe]] and adjusts his demands towards the trolls.

*'''[[It's not that cold]]''' ''09 [[August 2011]]'' (1:19) {{Crazy}} {{Comedy}} {{Tomgirl}}{{Redbra}} Chris steps outside and re-enacts a scene from The Silence of the Lambs while dressed as a [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]].

*'''[[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]''' ''10 [[August 2011]]'' (6:15) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Surfshack Tito}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Green tomgirl}} {{Redbra}} Chris answers to Tito and keeps on harassing Thorg.

*'''[[Correction of EX relationship status]]''' ''10 [[August 2011]]'' (2:42) {{Galpals}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Green tomgirl}} {{Redbra}} Chris talks about his previous relationship with The [[Wallflower]].

*'''[[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]]''' ''12 [[August 2011]]'' (3:03) {{Trollsicon}} {{Smug}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Redbra}} Chris exposes Thorg and leaks details from his personal life.

*'''[[The Red-Maned Deer]]''' ''12 [[August 2011]]'' 3:18 {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}} Chris reads [[Jackie]] a poem he wrote about stalking a deer and then fucking it.

*'''[[Kaka Makeup Basics]]''' ''16 [[August 2011]]'' (6:14) {{Homos}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Blue tomgirl}} Chris talks about basic makeup techniques.

*'''[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]''' ''16 [[August 2011]]'' (6:27) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Clyde}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Blue tomgirl}} {{Redbra}} Chris talks about Jack Thaddius and exposes a new troll called Ahuviya.

*'''[[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]]''' ''20 [[August 2011]]'' (1:08) {{Music}} {{Crazy}} {{Tomgirl}} Chris sings a song about wristwatches while showing watches and pictures of them.

*'''[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]''' ''23 [[August 2011]]'' (2:48) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Homos}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Clyde}} {{Tomgirl}} Mix 107.5 Shirt Chris talks his mind regarding Ahuvia's political views and his transsexualism.

*'''[[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]''' ''23 [[August 2011]]'' (3:13) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Smug}} {{Clyde}} {{Tomgirl}} Mix 107.5 Shirt Chris reveal everything he knows about Blue Spike and yells "JULAY" a lot.

*'''[[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]''' ''23 [[August 2011]]'' (1:08) {{Website}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Reason}} {{Tomgirl}} Mix 107.5 Shirt Chris thanks an anonymous fan who sent him a used laptop.

*'''[[Victory Rockout]]''' ''28 [[August 2011]]'' (2:46) {{Trollsicon}} {{Crazy}} {{Smug}} {{Tomgirl}} Chris sings his victory over the trolls.

*'''[[Response to ADF]]''' ''29 [[August 2011]]'' (6:17) {{Homos}} {{Tragedy}} {{Reason}} {{Clyde}} {{Tomgirl}} Chris answers to the videos made by Ahuvia.

*'''[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]''' ''30 [[August 2011]]'' (4:52) {{Trollsicon}} {{Smug}} {{Asperchu}} {{Tomgirl}} Chris releases all the info he got on [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] and eats a microwaved pizza.

==November 2011==

*'''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]''' ''12 [[November 2011]]'' (Various) {{Homos}} {{Music}} {{Comedy}} {{Crazy}} {{Tomgirl}} {{Jackie}} {{Leaked}} The debut album from [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]] is leaked, where Chris sings about being [[Tomgirl]] and how he loves [[Jackie]].

<noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is used to generate a segment of the content on the [[List of Videos]] page. This way, the article itself is much easier to manage. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<pre>{{ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2011}}</pre>'''

- Displays:{{ListOfVideos/Aug-Dec2011}}
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Cakefarts

2012-02-26T10:23:56Z

A Pop To Lick It: yo don't clutter too much

{{Honest}}

'''Cakefarts''' (leaked as ''fyfdriryjehvsdthyjvdj.mp4 [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris sits his naked ass on a [[Chris and money|$9]] [[Obesity|chocolate cake]] for [[Jackie]]'s amusement. The full uncensored version can be found [http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/36/rsv.mp4/ here].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Cakefarts
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1heDIzvEPl0}}
| stardate =
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

Heeey Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.

''[Chris proceeds to finger the cake, followed by licking his digit]''

Mmm. Let's get this done.

''Chris has the words [[Random-access humor|"AWESOME SAUCE"]] written in barely legible script on his ass. One of the E's is the wrong way around, and there is [[Fail|scribbled out attempt]] at writing the word awesome.''

''[Unintelligible]''... Sauce... There it is: Sauce. A dance! Is dance! Doin' a dance. Doo wop doo. [[Random-access humor|Drink a monkey monkey]] and ''[unintelligible]''

''[Chris flails about like a retard in order to make his deformed [[duck|dick]] jiggle]''

Let's do this.

''[Performs the act for which the video is named]''

What the hell am I doing here? ''[Finishes smearing ass with [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate cake]]]'' What the hell am I doing? I paid 9 American dollar for this cake. That's a lotta yen. Kawaii! Bye, Japan.

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

McDonald's

2012-02-26T10:13:28Z

A Pop To Lick It: cite cite cite

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Uh, not very often, I'd say like, uh... You know, two or three times a week.|[[Mumble 8|Chris on his frequency of McDonald's visits]]}}

[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|A typical visit to McDonald's in [[CWCville]].]]

'''[[Wikipedia:McDonald's|McDonald's]]''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[List of restaurants|restaurant]] of choice. His ideal first [[dating|date]] would take place here.<ref>[[Blanca Emails, September 2008#Future dates with Blanca]]</ref> His favorite items are the eight-piece [[Wikipedia:Chicken McNuggets|Chicken McNuggets]]<ref>[[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2_2]]</ref><ref>[[CWC%27s_Diary#March_2]]</ref> and the $1 sweet tea,<ref>[[Mailbag 28]]</ref> though [[Jackie E-mails 2|lately]] he has claimed to get salads more often when attempting to get in the good graces of [[gal-pal|female friends]].

Additionally, Chris's preference for McDonald's was symbolic of his conflict with [[Bob Chandler|his dad]], who preferred [[Burger King]].<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut#DayOut3|DayOut]]</ref>

Chris met the real-life [[B-Manajerk]] in a [[Wal-Mart]] McDonald's in June of [[2005]], an event which would later be dramatized in [[Sonichu 3]].

==Health issues==
It is probable that Chris's [[PS3|inactive lifestyle]] and frequent patronage of McDonald's is the cause of his [[obesity]]. The number of times Chris claims to eat there, two or three times a week,<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> is equivalent to going an average of 130 times a year. During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey and her father]], he claimed to have cut down to one McDonald's trip per week at best, and even that was unquestionably a [[lie]] told to impress Mr. Devoria—once a week would still be more than enough to cause health issues. At this rate, Chris may develop [[Chris and health|serious medical problems]]—heart disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes are known to result from continued consumption of fast food.<ref>[http://www.livestrong.com/article/351296-health-effects-and-diseases-caused-by-eating-fast-food/]</ref>

The trouble is that Chris [[Chris and reality|doesn't seem to realize]] just how bad fast food actually is. He barely understood that fast food was bad for one's health until roughly the [[Liquid Saga]], when at [[Kacey]]'s behest he made a feeble effort to clean up his act as far as exercise and eating right. This mostly involved eating salads at McDonald's instead of his usual eight-piece box of chicken nuggets.

In a [[Kacey Call 6|display of nutritional ignorance]], he claimed that having grilled chicken with his garbage food was better than having breaded chicken. This is a common misconception—though grilled contains less fat than breaded, it still comes from a fast food chain and only seems healthy by comparison to everything else McDonald's serves. The "side salad" that he [[Kacey Call 12|occasionally mentions]] eating is one of the more inoffensive items on the McDonald's menu, and grilled chicken salads are also not as unhealthy as most of their products. However, these salads are frequently drowned by fat people in cheese and high-calorie dressing. Chris [[Kacey Call 6|claimed]] once (in effort to impress a girl, natch) that he refrains from using dressing, but given that he seems to have a dislike for foods without copious amounts of fat, salt, or sugar, this is almost certainly [[lie|untrue]].

Also, the sugar content of a small McDonald's sweet tea is 36 grams.<ref>[http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/food/product_nutrition.beverages.33.Sweet-Tea-Small.html]</ref> The recommended daily intake of sugar for an adult is about 40 grams.<ref>[http://www.dailysugarintake.net/how-much-sugar-per-day.html]</ref>

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|"Have some fistfull fries!"]]
* There is a McDonald's in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
* [[Sub-Episodes]] [[Sub-Episode_4#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|#4]] and [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_5:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack_part_2.22|#5]] take place in "the city of M-C-Dville, of the region of [[Mal-Wart]]."
* A McDonald's ripoff, CWCee Dees (pronounced like "Quicky Dee's") appears in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. [[Punchy]] took [[Layla]] there on their first date.

==McDonald's Monopoly==
In [[2009]], McDonald's held a [[Wikipedia:Monopoly (board game)|''Monopoly'']] promotion. Chris claimed to not care about it in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video]], only to create more accounts later and enter 65 codes from purchased goods, which may seem [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Campaign|familiar]] to seasoned CWC watchers.

===Account I (October 6 - October 20)===
52 codes (43 of them from purchased things)

*52. St. Charles Place
*51. Oriental Avenue
*50. Baltic Avenue
*49. Park Place
*48. Marvin Gardens

===Account II (October 21)===
11 codes (10 of them from purchased things)

*11. Park Place
*10. North Carolina Avenue
*9. Illinois Avenue
*8. Community Chest (2)
*7. Oriental Avenue

===Account III (October 22 - October 23)===
7 codes (6 of them from purchased things)

*7. Park Place
*6. Community Chest (3)
*5. Illinois Avenue
*4. New York Avenue
*3. Electric Company

===Account IV (October 23 - October 28)===
8 codes (6 from purchased things)

*8. Reading Railroad
*7. Luxury Tax
*6. North Carolina Avenue
*5. [[Wikipedia:Baltimore and Ohio Railroad|B. & O. Railroad]]
*4. [[Wikipedia:Pennsylvania Railroad|Pennsylvania Railroad]]

==McCosplay==
[[File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|thumb|Chris as the Hamburglar, [[Chris and cosplaying|apparently.]]]]
[[File:Grimace.jpg|thumb|At least it hides his tits.]]
In the beginning of [[October 2010]], Chris apparently remembered [[Jackie]] telling him that she liked his [[cosplay]] videos. Following a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|controversial cosplay video]] over two weeks before, Chris decided to continue his act with McDonald's characters.

His first McDonaldland act was [[100 2265|the Hamburglar]], where he [[CWCFlyingElephants|ran around his room acting batshit crazy]], wearing a BDSM costume that looked far more like an obese [[Soul Calibur|Voldo]] than the Hamburglar.

The next day, Chris attempted to cosplay [[100 2266|Grimace]]. [[Chris and art|Needless to say]], the Grimace costume he made was beyond recognition. Whilst wearing the costume, he delivered a speech about [[autism]] and bullying before breaking out into song. It is likely that Chris got this idea from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' in which [[Wikipedia:Lois Griffin|Lois]] dresses up as [[Wikipedia:The Grimace|The Grimace]] - Peter responds with a comment that Grimace is autistic himself.

{{Lists}}
{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Places]]

Father call

2012-02-26T08:48:08Z

A Pop To Lick It: Redirected page to Father Call

#REDIRECT [[Father Call]]

Dating

2012-02-26T08:02:03Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Quote| I was naïve on the dating subject back in high school, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it!|Chris, talking to [[Lars]].<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Lars_Call</ref>}}

[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris considers a successful date to look like. Note the look of terror in [[Layla]]'s eyes.]]
'''Dating''' is the social convention in which two people do activities together in order to establish potential capacity as a long-term mate. [[Chris]] treats this process of establishing a relationship as a [[Autism|strict and immutable ritual]] in which [[hanky panky]] invariably occurs on the [[third date]] at the latest.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Dating Education]]</ref> It is worth noting that over time, the absolute nature of the third date rule Chris likes to adhere to has eroded. While initially meaning the third formal date, the ever-gnawing lust for [[china]] has devolved this into the third day after meeting in person. Chris's plans for wooing [[Blanca]] get to filthy, passionate lovemaking on the second day.

Chris's view of dating, as well as his penchant for developing schedules for these romantic encounters, say a lot about how he views the process. To Chris, dating isn't a social activity so much as it is a sort of incantation or ritual rain dance for sex. Much like [[Anne Boleyn|courts of old Europe]] dating is just a complex routine that is done for the sake of the rules before he can get his rocks off.

A lot of Chris's odd outlook on dating can possibly be attributed to his autism, as he cannot grasp that dating and romance are supposed to be emotionally fulfilling activities, not mechanical warm-ups for sex. Both of Chris's stated dating plans (see below) involve sex quickly occurring after meeting for the first time in person. Love-at-first-sight is one of Chris's deepest held beliefs as well, and the idea that love is definite and perfect without getting to know your partner makes the idea of dating pointless, explaining Chris's desire to get it out of the way as soon as possible.

==Online dating==
Chris has joined several online dating sites, including Match, OkCupid,<ref>http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CWCSONICHU OkCupid dating profile for CWCSonichu</ref> Book of Matches,<ref>Book of Matches - profile Sonichu</ref> and [[The Hook Cafe]]. He is also seen trying to use [[Craigslist]] several times; however, it is assumed that it was a troll's work.

==Chris's ideas about dating Blanca==
Excerpts from an [[Blanca Emails, September 2008|e-mail]] Chris wrote to [[Blanca]] in September [[2008]]:

{{quotebox|
The First Day

* meet [[Barbara|my mother]] and [[Bob Chandler|father]], chat with them a while and get to know each other
* video gameplay with [[Guitar Hero]]
* For dinner that evening, our First Date, I will take you out to [[McDonald's|McDonalds]], Arbys, [[Burger King]], or a small restaurant like that
* I'd let you go back to your hotel, or [[Rape|bring you back home]]. NO [[SEX]] on the first night, but if you'd like to make out, I'd welcome it.

The Second Day

* [[PlayStation|PS2 or 3]]
* For Lunch, I'd take you to this good all-you-can-eat Pizza/Salad/Soup/Desert [[Country Cookin|Buffet]] that I know of in [[Charlottesville]]
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only|Romantic Movie]] at the theater, or we can walk the [[Fashion Square Mall|Downtall Malll]], and/or a [[Sonichu's Edge|walk in the park]]
* If we take in the movie, you and I can [[Rape|sit in the back, darker area]]. And if it doesn't bother you, I may "Yawn and stretch" my arm around you to your other shoulder. If you want to take it further, you may pull my hand on your shoulder a little closer to your breast (of course, this is optional), and I'd let you cop a reach into the popcorn bucket, or under that to cop a feel. [[Megan Schroeder|Stop me]] if I'm bothering you any. And you and I can [[Hanky panky|make out]] in the theater.
* if you feel like it that night in the privacy of mine or your room, you can take my [[virgin]]ity, or we can wait till the [[third date|third night]], if there is one before you have to go back to [''REDACTED'']. Either way, I would wear a condom then, and in the future until our [[Giant Penis Comic|Wedding Night]]. :)

Sunday Morning

* would you be willing to come with me to my [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist Church]] as a Visitor? If you do, I would take pride in being with you there and [[Women's rights|showing you off]] as my Girlfriend. :D But seriously, I would honestly appreciate just having you with me there. We do [[Singstar Challenge|sing]] from a red or black book at points during each service, but you don't have to sing if you don't want to.
}}

==Chris's ideas about dating Ivy==
Excerpts from a [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video]] Chris recorded for [[Ivy]] in May 2009:

{{quotebox|
*[[Fail|my mommy and I]]—my family and I—will meet you at the airport
* I know a place that does some great smoothies, so yeah, a cafe
* enjoy a movie in the theatre, at home or watch a television rerun. FAMILY GUY, heh, [[Family Guy]]. Or uh [[I love Lucy]] or I got the entire series of [[Gilligan's Island]].
* [[Hanky-Panky|make some music together]] on [[Guitar Hero]]
* I will look forward to the eventuality of you and I having our [[Hanky panky|sex time]] together. Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll do my best to pleasure you to keep you satisfied, satisfied, just for you. Just for you, hmmm. I know a number of good positions and massages, hmmm, hmmm.
* I know a number of places we could walk around at and uh we could walk about [[Fashion Square Mall|the mall]], we could walk about the [[University of Virginia|UVA]] grounds, good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight.
* We can walk the [[hermit crabs]] together, hmmm, walk about, you might like your, you might walk your hermit crabs.
}}

==In the Comics==
Exempting Chris's trolling date with [[Hanna]] in the sub-episodes, every single date depicted in the comic concludes in a passionate, long-term relationship (at least in line with what Chris thinks one is like). Some of these encounters even stretch the definition of a date. For example: [[Wild]] only had to show [[Simonla]] his treehouse before she was ready to yiff. [[Reginald Sneasel]] and [[Angelica]] are shown in bed together after being last seen meeting for the first time in the park. The fact that all these relationships progress to sex so quickly solidifies the idea that Chris views dating as little more beyond the ritual prelude to screwing.
== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Dating education]]

[[Category:Love Quest]]

Template:Quote of the now

2012-02-26T07:47:02Z

A Pop To Lick It: probably could use an update

{{quote|The things I do for love.|[[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]], [[Forgot the Glitter|on jiggling his flab before a camera]]}}
<noinclude>
{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It consists simply of a recent or topical quote from [[Chris]], or in rare cases non-Chris people. When editing the quote, ensure it is as accurate as possible and use links appropriately. Also, this is a wiki - please wikify (i.e. add links to other articles) when possible. }}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Cakefarts

2012-02-26T07:13:56Z

A Pop To Lick It:

{{Honest}}
{{Quote|What the Hell am I doin' here?|Chris}}

'''Cakefarts''' (leaked as ''fyfdriryjehvsdthyjvdj.mp4 [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris sits his naked ass on a [[Chris and money|$9]] [[Obesity|chocolate cake]] for [[Jackie]]'s amusement. The full uncensored version can be found here [http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/36/rsv.mp4/]

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Cakefarts
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1heDIzvEPl0}}
| stardate =
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

Heeey Jackie-pie! Mmm. You know what I like da most? Cake farts.

''[Chris proceeds to finger the cake, followed by licking his digit]''

Mmm. Let's get this done.

''Chris has the words [[Random-access humor|"AWESOME SAUCE"]] written in barely legible script on his ass. One of the E's is the wrong way around, and there is [[Fail|scribbled out attempt]] at writing the word awesome.''

''[Unintelligible]''... Sauce... There it is: Sauce. A dance! Is dance! Doin' a dance. Doo wop doo. [[Random-access humor|Drink a monkey monkey]] and ''[unintelligible]''

''Chris flails about like a retard in order to make his deformed [[duck|dick]] jiggle.''

Let's do this.

''[Performs the act for which the video is named]''

What the hell am I doing here? ''Finishes smearing ass with [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate cake]]'' What the hell am I doing? I paid 9 American dollar for this cake. That's a lotta yen. Kawaii! Bye, Japan.

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

List of OkCupid Answers

2012-02-21T02:50:05Z

A Pop To Lick It:

[[OkCupid]] determines match rankings between its users by asking them a series of questions, and determining how they answer. These questions are randomly assigned, and can be answered whenever the user feels like it. The user can select a single answer for themselves, and multiple answers that he or she would be okay with potential matches picking.

Due to the tireless efforts of [[Clyde Cash]] we have obtained archives of many of Chris's answers submitted for his latest OkCupid Profile. Chris's answer, and answers he would like potential mates to select. As is the norm with Chris, the answers vary from completely [[Honest]], to untrue things that [[ego|Chris genuinely believes]], to complete [[lies]] that he thinks girls want to hear.

Chris's personal answers are underlined, and answers he would like girls to pick are in green. There is considerable overlap between the two.

==Politics and Law==
'''In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner.'''
* All the time!
* Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.
* Sometimes. It depends.
* Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.
'''Which of the following is the more appropriate penalty for [[rape]]?'''
* Death.
* Castration.
* Prison.
* Community service or less.
'''Which is more offensive: book burning or flag burning?'''
* book burning
* flag burning
'''Should burning your country's flag be illegal?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Politically, which are more important to you right now?'''
* Social issues
* Economic issues
* I don't really care about politics

==Relationships==
'''How important is it for you to make [[Megan|physical]] [[Kacey|contact]] when showing affection for someone?'''
* Very important
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
'''Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own [[Chris and race|skin color / racial background]]?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Most of all, I want to meet someone who deserves MY:'''
* trust.
* loyalty.
* admiration.
* gratitude.
'''If you inadvertently found a phone number in a partner's pocket, which would you do?'''
* Call the number to see whose it is.
* Openly ask what/who the number is for.
* Nothing, I would trust my partner.
* Nothing, my partner's privacy should be respected.
'''If you were in a serious relationship and you learned that your partner cheated on you one drunken night, could you forgive him/her?'''
* Yes, if he/she was sincerely sorry.
* No, never.
* It depends on the situation.
* I don't believe in monogomy.
'''If you were going to have a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|child]], would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* This would not be an important factor to me.
'''If you were in a long term relationship and your partner [[Obesity|gained weight]] due to something like surgery recovery or childbirth, would you think less of them as a person?'''
* No, my partner's weight is irrelevant to me.
* No, my partner's health is what is most important.
* Not if they are willing to work hard and lose it.
* Yes, weight gain is so unattractive.
'''Would you ever stop dating someone based on a rumor you heard about them?'''
* Yes.
* Maybe, I'd give my date a chance to explain first.
* No.
'''What kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?'''
* Physical/Sexual.
* Mental/Emotional.
* Neither is important.
* Both are equally important.
'''If you were in a serious relationship, would you mind if your significant other maintained an active profile on OkCupid?'''
* Yes - I would mind this.
* No - This would not bother me.
'''Would you consider dating someone who dislikes children?'''
* Yes.
* No.
'''Your significant other's ex is coming into town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react?'''
* Sure, no problem.
* Not thrilled, but go ahead.
* Not just no... HELL no!
'''If you were in a long-term monogamous relationship, would you consider your partner "open mouth" kissing someone else cheating?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
'''Would you consider having an open relationship, where you can see other people?'''
* Yes
* No
'''If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?'''
* Yes, even if they were slightly overweight.
* Yes, but only if they were obese.
* No.
* No, in fact I prefer overweight people.
'''Would you avoid all contact with an ex if your current significant other asked you to?'''
* Yes, of course!
* No. This would be an unacceptable demand.
* Only if their justification seems reasonable.
'''Do you Google someone before a first date?'''
* Yes. Knowledge is power!
* No. Why spoil the mystery?
'''Would you--for any reason--read your mate's email or pose as him/her online, without his/her knowledge and permission?'''
* Yes, they shouldn't be keeping secrets anyway.
* Yes, I'd be too curious not to.
* Only if I suspected them of something.
* No, I'd trust them and that would be invasive.
'''Your significant other is traveling and has the opportunity to stay with a good friend that you know they find to be very attractive. What's your stance on the situation?'''
* It would be totally unacceptable.
* It might be ok, but I'd want to discuss it first.
* It's fine - I don't see any problem.
* It sounds sexy - Hopefully they'll hook up.
'''You get married. Five years later, you realize it was a mistake. Discussion and counseling haven't made a difference. You just don't love your partner anymore. He/she still loves you. You decide to:'''
* Keep trying. Marriage means commitment.
* Get a divorce. It'll be better for both of you.
'''How willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in person?'''
* Totally willing!
* Hesitant, but would consider.
* I am not interested in meeting in person.
'''How much affection can you tolerate?'''
* Inifinite
* Most of it.
* A little bit.
* Get off me!!
'''How important is it to you to have your own unique "thing" (like a weekly Girls' Night Out or Guys' Movie Night) that you don't share with your partner(s)?'''
* Very - I need some ME time to be happy
* Sort of - I need friends outside of my partner
* Not much - I like sharing stuff with my partner
* I'd prefer not to have exclusive things
'''How long do you want your next relationship to last?'''
* One night
* A few months to a year
* Several years
* The rest of my life
'''How do you feel about falling in love?'''
* I love it and want it very much
* I try to avoid it
* I like to just let it happen
* I'm indifferent / not sure
'''Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|'seeing someone' or 'married']]?'''
* Yes to both
* No to both
* Yes to 'seeing someone' only
* Yes to 'married' only
'''Which makes for a better relationship?'''
* Passion
* Dedication
'''Is it a requirement that you communicate with your significant other daily, in some way (phone, email, in person, etc.)?'''
* Yes, no matter what
* Yes, unless otherwise specified
* No, it's not necessary
* No, I'd prefer not to communicate daily
'''Which of these options most closely describes what you're looking for in your next relationship?'''
* Someone to come home to
* Someone to go out with
* Someone for tonight
'''How much can intelligence turn you on?'''
* Intelligence can turn me on a lot!
* Intelligence can turn me on a bit.
* Intelligence does nothing for me either way.
* Intelligence turns me off.
'''How long do your romantic relationships usually last?'''
* 0-6 months
* 6-12 months
* 12+ months
* I've never been in a relationship
'''Do you believe in monogamy?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure

==Sex==
'''I prefer to sleep ...'''
* Alone
* With my partner, but apart (not touching)
* Touching my partner
* Embracing / cuddling my partner
'''You're in a relationship/marriage and feel that you and your mate aren't having sex frequently enough. What do you do?'''
* Talk to them about it
* Try to spice things up. (Toys, fantasies, etc)
* Do nothing, but hope things change naturally.
* Cheat on them / Break up with them.
'''How willing would you be to try out new things sexually with a partner?'''
* Completely willing.
* Somewhat willing.
* Not at all willing.
'''[[Women's Rights|Straight women who kiss or fondle each other]] in clubs in the hopes of attracting men are...'''
* Incredibly hot!
* Just having some girlish fun.
* Profoundly annoying.
'''How would you feel if your partner asked you to get tested for STDs before having sex with you for the first time?'''
* Positive (relieved, accepting, happy, or proud).
* Neutral.
* Negative (offended, annoyed, angry, or afraid).
'''You're in a romantic relationship with someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you'll have [[Chris and Sex|sex]]?'''
* 1-2 dates
* 3-5 dates
* 6 or more dates
* Only after the wedding
'''How important is it that a partner be capable of intelligent intercourse?'''
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
'''Might you consider dating someone who confided to you that he/she had a sexually transmitted disease?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Ideally, how often would you have sex?'''
* Every day
* 3 to 4 times per week
* 1 to 2 times per week
* less than once per week
'''How open are you to trying new things in bed?'''
* Very open. I'll try anything once.
* I'm open, but I don't get too crazy.
* Hesitant, but it might happen.
* Not at all.
'''Do you like to cuddle?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes - It depends.
'''Is contraception morally wrong?'''
* Yes
* No
* Depends on the kind
'''Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Which best represents your opinion of [[homos|same-sex relationships]]?'''
* Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong.
* Guy-on-guy is okay, but girl-on-girl is wrong.
* All same-sex relationships are wrong.
* It's all fine by me.

==Faith and Religion==
'''Are you Christian?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in public schools?'''
* Yes, students should hear both sides
* No, creationism has no place in public schools
* No, evolution has no place in public schools
'''Would you ever change your religion (or adopt one) because your significant other wanted you to?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
'''Would you date an atheist?'''
* Yes
* No
'''How important is [[Chris and religion|religion/God]] in your life?'''
* Extremely important
* Somewhat important
* Not very important
* Not at all important

==Life and [[Death]]==
'''How do you feel about kids?'''
* Kids are precious - they love me and I love them!
* They're okay, but keep the unruly ones at bay.
* God, how revolting. *shudder*
* I'm indifferent.
'''If your best friend began talking of suicide and asked you not to tell anyone, would you be willing to honor their request?'''
* Yes, it's their life to do with as they see fit.
* Yes, but I'd do my best to talk them out of it.
* No, I'd find help for them.
'''What is most appealing?'''
* Settling down with a family someday
* A life of singledom
* Living spontaneousy and in the moment
'''When a [[PandaHalo|woman]] chooses to abort a pregnancy, should she be required to inform [[Clyde Cash|the father]]?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Possibly, depending upon other factors.
'''If it comes to having children, would you prefer to adopt or to be one of the biological parents?'''
* I would rather be one of the biological parents.
* I would rather adopt.
* Either would be equally fine.
* Neither - I'd prefer to not have children at all.
'''When is suicide okay?'''
* Always.
* In special cases, such as to prevent suffering.
* Never.
'''Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?'''
* Yes
* No
'''To you, is abortion an option in case of an unwanted accidental pregnancy?'''
* Yes
* No
'''If you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be?'''
* Love
* Wealth
* Expression
* Knowledge
'''Are you happy with your life?'''
* Yes
* No
* Most of the time
'''Are you looking for a partner to have children with?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Would you ever consider adopting a child or being artificially inseminated on your own if you gave up on finding a life partner?'''
* Yes, and I'd keep dating
* Yes, and I'd dedicate myself to the child
* No, I wouldn't do it
'''If you were to die, would whoever goes through your [[sex toys|personal belongings]] be shocked by what they find?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe a little bit.

==Hygiene==
'''How important is it to you that your partner smell good?'''
* Very damn important
* Important-ish
* Less important than you might think
* I just don't care.....at all
'''Does finding a long-term partner give you license to "let yourself go," (lower your standards of personal hygiene or appearance or gain large amounts of weight)?'''
* Yes, I preen only to attract a mate
* No, I do it for myself
* No, I want to make sure I hang on to him/her
* I have low standards in the first place
'''How frequently do you bathe or shower?'''
* At least once a day.
* Usually daily. I skip some.
* A couple times a week.
* Once a week or less.
'''How often do you brush your teeth?'''
* Twice or more a day
* Once a day
* Only on days I feel like it
* Rarely / never

==Vices and Virtues==
'''Do you ever feel the need to get really [[Alcohol|drunk]]?'''
* Often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
'''How often do you [[Tobacky|smoke cigarettes]]?'''
* At least one cigarette a day
* Once in a while / only when drinking / rarely
* Never
'''Do you consider yourself to be an honorable person?'''
* Yes, I always try to do the right thing.
* Sometimes, it depends on the situation.
* No, not really.
* Are you kidding? I lie, cheat , AND steal.
'''Are you careful with your money?'''
* Yes
* No
How often are you open with your [[Chris and Anger|feelings]]?
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
'''Does smoking disgust you?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Rate your self-confidence:'''
* Very, very high
* Higher than average
* Average
* Below average
'''What's your deal with harder drugs (not marijuana)?'''
* I do drugs regularly.
* I do drugs occasionally.
* I've done drugs in the past, but no longer.
* I never do drugs.
'''Do you keep a [[Chris and Money|budget (of your finances)]]?'''
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
'''How often do you keep your promises?'''
* My word is my bond. No exceptions.
* Whenever possible
* Usually
* When convenient
'''What's your relationship with marijuana?'''
* I smoke regularly
* I smoke occasionally
* I smoked in the past, but no longer
* Never
'''Are you vegetarian or vegan?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you space out or daydream a lot?'''
* All the time
* Never / rarely
* Sometimes

==Misc.==
'''Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do?'''
* I'm an information sponge
* Sometimes
* As long as it works, who cares why?
'''Without using a dictionary or other tool, can you choose the commonly misspelled word? Don't cheat! It's okay if you don't know.'''
* 1. separate
* 2. definate
* 3. committee
* (Not sure / dumb question / who cares)
'''Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you have a problem with [[Chris and Race|racist jokes]]?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you like to be read to aloud?'''
* Yes, it makes me happy.
* Only when I'm sick.
* Maybe when I was five.
* Nope.
'''Do you and your ideal significant other enjoy making sarcastic jokes at each other's expense, knowing that it's all in good fun?'''
* Yes! That's a personality trait we have to share.
* Sometimes, but not too much.
* No, sarcasm doesn't belong in a love relationship.
* I can't dish it out, but I'd take it, I guess.
'''Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things?'''
* Good
* Interesting
'''What is your quest?'''
* To find true love.
* To find happiness.
* To find your fortune.
* [[Monty Python|To find the Grail.]]
'''How often do you meditate?'''
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
'''Which is worse: [[Sonee & Rosey|starving children]] or [[Chandler cats|abused]] [[Patti Chandler|animals]]?'''
* Starving children.
* Abused animals.
* Neither, both are good.
* Neither, they are equally bad.
'''How much influence or control do your parents have over your life?'''
* I am my own person.
* I consider their opinion but go my own way.
* I almost always do what my parents think is best.
* I always do what my parents say.
'''When birds stand on power lines and don't get hurt, it's most likely because of:'''
* Good timing; they only land between calls
* Body materials that are insulated from current
* Not touching anything else at the same time
* They do get hurt; they just express it poorly
'''If you don't do anything at all for an entire day, how does that make you feel?'''
* Good
* Bad
'''STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to...'''
* 89457
* [[Honor roll|98547]]
* 89754
* 89547
'''Which of these is likely to make you more nervous?'''
* A promising first date
* An important interview
'''What is next in this series? 1, 4, 10, 19, 31, _'''
* 36
* 48
* 46
* Don't know / don't care / dislike this q
'''Gender roles ...'''
* Exist for good reason - Should not be questioned.
* [[Tomgirl pictures|Are undergoing a refreshing redefinition.]]
* Are irrelevant, outdated and unnecessary.
'''What is your [[Mass debating|back-up plan]] if you can't find a date on a Friday night?'''
* Call up a friend, go see a movie
* Hit the town solo: you never know what will happen
* Self-improvement: go to the gym or read a little
* Two words: drinking alone
'''Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?'''
* Yes
* No
* Only if no one is looking
'''Which is [[obesity|bigger]]?'''
* The earth
* The sun
'''To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love?'''
* Romantic
* Foolish
* Creepy

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Friend zone

2012-02-20T23:16:48Z

A Pop To Lick It: no he wouldn't

[[Chris]] has rarely been able to even form a casual friendship with a woman, and generally just harasses the ones who react to him with something other than hostility. Nevertheless, his single-minded focus on going all the way and getting laid has led him to view the concept of the '''friend zone''' with disgust. Friendship, in Chris's mind, is merely a tactic women use to avoid giving guys like him the [[china]] they deserve.

==The friend zone defined==
[[File:Into the friend zone.jpg|thumb|Even with this illustration, Chris will probably never understand this concept.]]

Nowadays the "friend zone" is a common topic in discussions of romantic relationships. From one perspective, the friend zone is where guys wind up when they spend too much time getting to know a woman without trying to make a move towards a more serious relationship. Eventually, the woman views them as "just friends" (or "[[Cole Smithey|like a brother]]," to use one variation on the theme) rather than a potential lover.

From another perspective, a woman might value her friendship with a man too much to take the risk of advancing to a more serious commitment, which could lead to an ugly breakup and the end of any sort of relationship with him.

It's possible for a woman to enjoy a man's company without wanting to go to bed with him (and for a man to likewise feel the same way about a woman). Most people are capable of accepting this fact, even if it's a bit difficult to deal with when one has been "friended" by the object of one's affection. Chris, of course, has other ideas.
{{-}}
==Chris on the friend zone==
[[Image:cwcfz.png|thumb|right|Chris and where is he in the Friend Zone.]]
Like many other supposed "rules" related to sex and dating, the friend zone is in fact a pretty nebulous concept. Chris, unable to think about relationships except in the most [[Autism|rigid, inflexible terms]], characterizes the friend zone as a law, a hard and fast rule that he apparently believes has been forced upon him by some unspecified authority. (This is similar to his interpretation of the [[Third date|three-date rule]].)

In [[Mumble 4]], [[Clyde Cash]] had a brief discussion on the friend zone with Chris, brought on by Chris's assumption that [[Sarah Hammer]] was interested in him romantically simply because they were neighbors. Chris responded to Clyde's assessment of his friendzone status by talking about the movie ''[[Wikipedia:Just Friends|Just Friends]]'', which he also cited in a Mailbag question several months later.

In [[Mailbag 4]], a correspondent asked him what law he would change if he could change a single one. (His intention was probably to bait Chris into discussing the "dumb laws" preventing [[Zapina|teenage girls]] from [[Women's rights|taking off their clothes in public]].) Chris responded with a tirade against the friend zone.

{{quote|I would remove the "Law" of the "Friend Zone", because I feel that it is just wrong to not even attempt to have anything beyond friendship, especially if the man and the woman are both comfortable with each other and are close.|Chris, failing to understand women as usual.}}

Later, he expanded his opinion somewhat in the [[Common_Questions#Answered_15_January_2010|Common Questions]] section of the Mailbag. In this case, a correspondent quite reasonably asked, "What happened to a woman's right to choose who she wants to be with?"

{{quote|Nothing has happened in Women's Rights; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone the woman deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.|Chris, cursing any woman who tries to "get out of [the] sex" she clearly owes him.}}

Chris's characterization of "we're just friends" as an "excuse" is revealing, both in regards to his ideas about women and his view of himself. He cannot imagine a rational explanation for why a female friend would not want to have sex with him (except in the case of [[Anna]] - he's willing to accept that there's no point in hitting on a lesbian). Instead, he believes that women have invented excuses like this one because for some reason they fear a sexual relationship. If he is attracted to her and wants to sleep with her, he feels that she is obligated to return his interest and help bring his degenerate fantasies to life.

==[[Gal pal]]s and the friend zone==

===[[Megan Schroeder]]===

Chris's comments about the friend zone shed a bit more light on his relationship with Megan Schroeder (and its spectacular collapse). While Megan was happy to enjoy an ordinary, platonic friendship with Chris — which, most observers would agree, is far more than he could ever have reasonably hoped for — he clearly couldn't get his mind around the notion of a woman who didn't mind his company, but didn't want to have sex with him. From his perspective, she was "making excuses," since there's no way she could have been sincerely interested in nothing more than a good friendship. Hence his refusal to quit subjecting her to physical pressure, his assumption that only sexual inexperience prevented her from wanting to fuck him, and so on. Chris's frustration with being in the "friend zone" reached the point where - according to him - he had to draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] in order to prevent himself doing something infinitely [[Rape|worse]].

===[[The Wallflower]]===

Even after the Megan debacle, Chris was still oblivious to the concept of friend zone whilst dealing with the Wallflower. Chris revealed in his video, [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]], that she had been consistently telling Chris that she "isn't ready for a boyfriend". He is not aware that this is a commonly used technique for rejecting people, and that he had been seen as nothing more than a friend - even before the Wallflower found the CWCki. Since he had to be told multiple times that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend, this implies he went past the boundaries of good taste multiple times despite being told it was unappreciated. This surprised no one.

Oddly, on 31 [[January 2010]], long before the wallflower fiasco occurred, Chris [[Sonichu Forum#News Flash: Chris is still single IRL|posted in the Sonichu Forum]] that he had been friend zoned, and felt crestfallen about it. The most likely explanation for Chris's actions towards The Wallflower, was that he was trying to follow his own [[Mailbag 16#In which Chris reveals exactly how little he's learned|amazingly bad advice]], and treat the friend zone as though it were an obstacle to overcome. We all know how that [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|turned out]].

==See also==
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

2012-02-20T21:55:57Z

A Pop To Lick It:

==Introduction==
New people are being initiated to the horrors of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s world every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran [[Miscreant]] might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about everyone's favorite manchild.

==Questions and Answers==

; Is Chris a [[troll]]?
: '''No'''; the documentation on his entire life and testimony by real life people (including Chris [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile|himself]]) including [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|media reports]] [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|predating the Internet]] and two [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|independent]] [[University_of_Virginia#UVA_student_on_Chris|accounts]] are way too complete for it to be an elaborate reverse-troll setup. If Chris is indeed faking this, somehow managing to fabricate an entire past, create [[Slideshow|hundreds of photos from his past]], control the media, get a huge number of people in on this, then he is the greatest troll and ''avant garde'' artist in history. However, [[Wikipedia:Occam's Razor|Occam's Razor]] would suggest that Chris is just REALLY STUPID and really believes the things he does and does stupid things for reasons he believes are logically sound.

; Why doesn't he just hire a prostitute?
: He wants [[love quest|TRUE and HONEST love]]. Prostitutes are expensive, and he wants a mothering companion. When prostitutes were sent to his house, Chris cried.<ref>[[Hooker incident]]</ref> Chris has also stated that he wouldn't hire a hooker out of fear of STDs.<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref> Though truth be told, Chris is cheap and odds are he'd find a crack whore too expensive. As to illustrate this point: it was discovered that he DID try to solicit the services of a prostitute by phone, but tried to get a discount by offering the chance of deflowering him and telling his life story; the prostitute hung up on him.<ref>[[Chris and sex|#Prostitution]]</ref>

; How can you get off taunting an [[autistic]] guy?
: We don't do it because he's autistic, but rather because he's a [[Niggos|racist]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[Homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and death|unsympathetic]], [[Bob Chandler|ungrateful]], [[Manchester High School#Graduation|jealous]], [[The GAMe PLACe|kid-scaring]] and [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|troll-feeding]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[Bagget|spitefully]] [[Kick the Autistic|antagonistic]] [[Parody|thief]], and an all-around [[fail|failure]] who wastes the hard-earned [[Monthly tugboat|tax money]] of average Americans on [[video games]] and [[sex toys]] while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities. Furthermore, he's someone who realizes he has a problem and what he does doesn't work but refuses to get help, even ignoring the help of [[white knights|well-meaning individuals]].

; Can he be helped? Should I try?
: [[Vivitheg|People]] [[Jackie|who are]] [[Clyde Cash|better]] [[Alec Benson Leary calls|than]] [[Sarah May|you]] have tried and have accomplished [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|nothing]]. See the "[[white knight]]" article for reasons for and against ''trying'' to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, you won't be able to do it. Seriously, consider Svenka - she posted pictures of the very [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] that would steal Chris's date, [[Emily]], months in advance of the plan, yet Chris still fell for it.

:For recorded attempts to help Chris, see [[White knight emails]].

; Is he seeing a psychiatrist?
: No. Chris is seeing a church counselor, [[Rocky]]. He refuses to get professional help because he refuses to spend [[money]] on anything non-video game-related and because he thinks [[GodJesus|God, Jesus]] and [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|his church]] will help him pull through [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|much better]] than someone with actual psychiatric qualifications.

; Is he really [[Autism|autistic]]?
: This is debated, but the claim has never really been falsified. Some argue that he has [[autism|high-functioning autism]]; however, please note that "high-functioning autism" is an informal term with no actual medical significance to it (you won't find the term in any official publication by the American Psychiatric Association). Based on a cursory [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]] from [[2004]], his diagnosis was autism (DSM-IV 299.00).

; Does he have [[Asperger's syndrome]]?
: Depends on what you define as "having" Asperger's. He has never been formally diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome, he has never claimed to have it, and in fact, he angrily rejects the label outright. However, it needs to be noted that "Asperger's" did not exist as a formally recognized diagnosis when Chris was diagnosed as "high-functioning autistic" as a child in the [[1980s]]. There is a very good case to be made that Chris would most likely be given the "Asperger's" label if he was a child today.

; Is he [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]]?
: Socially retarded, yes; mentally retarded, not quite. He somehow managed to graduate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]] and obtain a [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license]]. Chris does understand the consequences of his actions, has a consistent ethical system (albeit a warped, [[Chris and his ego|self-serving]] one), and recognizes what he's doing isn't working, yet he chooses to pin the blame on external forces or goes about his way anyways. The more likely answer to his perceived retardation is that he is just really, really stupid. However, given that he receives [[Monthly tugboat|regular payments from the government]] and does not demonstrate the competence to commit successful fraud, it has to be assumed that he - at some point - was legitimately diagnosed with some kind of disability.

; Is he [[homos|gay]]?
: This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there's no consensus on this. He's certainly into women and [[Mass Debating|masturbating]] while thinking about women; on the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked, makes a practice of meditating upon ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' in order to keep himself straight, and [[semen|he drinks his own semen every time he masturbates]]. Most likely, Chris is either a.) a homophobic straight guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he's an idiot, b.) a homophobic bi-curious guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he personally has homoerotic fantasies that he desperately tries to suppress, or c.) too immature to have a real sexual preference, so he ends up overdoing his straightness.

; Is he a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]]?
: Definite maybe. He states that he does not consider himself one<ref>[[Sarah_Reveals_Herself#Chris_tries_to_leave|Chris admits to Sarah May that he is slightly turned on by Rosechu, though he maintains he is not a furry.]]</ref>, though he admits to being turned on by [[Rosechu]] (not as much as a human female, natch), has drawn [[Rule 34]] artwork of his characters, and has depicted himself as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] having sex with a furry version of his ex-[[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. He is a furry in the sense that he clearly derives enjoyment from sexualized anthropomorphic animal characters, and personally identifies with a particular anthro character; he is not a furry in the sense that he does not participate in the wider furfag community. Lucky bastards.

; Is he a [[pedofork|pedophile]]?
: Probably not, but people imply otherwise to troll him. One of the few kind things [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] said about Chris in a [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|troll Q&A thread]] was that he probably wasn't a pedophile and that people are trying too hard with that. However, given that he [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|stares at a poster with a six-year-old anime girl on it to stay straight]], the fact that he got [[CWC's Second Message|furious]] when accused of being a pedophile (similarly to how he becomes hostile when being accused of being a [[homo]] or having [[Asperger's]]), and the fact that [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally jailbait engaging in sexual activity (and even by current [[Sonichu canon|''Sonichu'' canon]], Rosechu was underage when she married Sonichu), there's an argument to be made. He also has stated he would like to [[Mailbag 3#In which Chris advises Hitler to keep his Promises|lower his state's legal age of consent to sixteen]], but this is more likely due to his inability to move past [[high school]] than latent pedophilia. In short, he's not a baby fucker, but he'll play ball if grass is on the field.

; What does he smell like?
: According to [[Emily]], "rotten watermelons." According to [[Robert Simmons V]], a variant of the [[Colossal Chan|homeless person]] stank. According to field agents, body odor masked with gallons of [[Axe]]. Point is, [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|Chris smells awful]].

; What's the deal with ''[[Sonic]]'', anyway?
: He has always liked kids' games, and has won a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sega contest]] that allowed him to stock up on ''Sonic'' titles. ''Sonic'' appears to have certain qualities that attract autistics more than other game series.

; What's the deal with the shirts he always wears?
: Many of Chris's shirts were bought by [[Barbara|his mother]] from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.<ref>[[Mailbag 42|Mailbag #42]]</ref>

; What's the deal with the [[Shirt#Wrist_warmer|yellow thing]] on the back of the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] chain?
: It's a Wilson wrist warmer he wears because the chain irritates his skin<ref>E-mail from Chris posted in old PVCC thread #162
</ref> — probably due to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a common trait in [[autism]].

; Does Chris drink or do drugs?
: Chris is firmly against [[Tobacky|smoking]] and drug abuse. As far as [[Alcohol|drinking]] is concerned, Chris used to be against it as well, but in an ironic twist, video of him drinking a [[semen|salty]]-tasting [[Long Island Iced Tea]] recently surfaced, and it appears he's [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the alcohol ban]] in [[CWCville]], making him a waffler. Given this was self-serving, it should surprise no one. He has also been known to drink [[6 June 2010|Budweiser]] and [[100 2281|Kahlúa]].

; Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?
: Not really, but you can try posting it on [[Krapple|/cwc/]] or hanging out in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] where people who do troll Chris are likely to notice you.

; Why doesn't Chris just lie and tell us he isn't a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] anymore?
: Because he's fucking stupid, and besides, we'd see through it like all his other [[lies]].

; Where can I find the uncensored images from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]?
: [[Sonichu_8#The_uncensored_scenes|Here]], you sick fuck.

; Was [[Ivy]] imaginary?
: No. She was a real "fan" who wanted a shout-out in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. See [[Ivy Q&A]] for more info.

; I'm a complete moron, and I keep reading on [[ED]] and [[YouTube]] that [[Ivy]] is his sex doll. Is this so?
: No. His [[Sex toys|sex dolls]] are [[Kimmi]], [[Officer Nasty]], Booty-Licious, and Yumi. Kimmi has acted as a prop representing Ivy in some videos - hence the confusion - but Ivy is most definitely real and was in contact with Chris. Disregard anything you read on either ED or YouTube. The [[CWCki]] is the only [[TRUE and HONEST]] source for Chris-related material.

; Is any of this real?
: Chris is a real human being and not a hoax or fictional character. The editors here try their hardest to paint an accurate picture of Chris's life, but that is sometimes difficult due to the subject matter. For various (good) reasons, the CWCki is largely from Chris's point of view - that is, information presented here is what Chris acknowledges to be true. Most of the trolls on this site are merely players in the stage that is Chris's life. It's probably best to understand the world of Chris as he understands it, much like it's best to understand a fictional world from the point of view of its characters, rather than the underlying reality of it. In other words, while Chris's reactions to events are real and the documentation of the reactions are indeed real, the situations and characters that provoke these reactions are contrived.

; I want to e-mail Chris and pretend to be [[Megan]]/[[Jimmy Hill]]/[[Jesus]]/[[Michael Snyder]]. Can I have his e-mail?
: It's ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com. But srsly, Chris doesn't read his e-mails. He [[Kacey Call 23|told Kacey]]: ''"I don't even bother to open their e-mails. So I just expand on the e- on the sender's address and then add them to my block list."''

; What's this about Chris hating ''[[Harry Potter]]''?
: As Chris mentions [[Mailbag_7#Harry Potter: total spaz|here]] and [[Mumble 2|here]], Chris pretty much hated it since it was "competition" for ''[[Pokémon]]''. However, he did own a PSone ''Harry Potter'' game, and his stance softened under [[Jackie]]'s influence.

; What's this about Jimmy Hill?
: [[Jimmy Hill]] was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sycophant Squad (S.A.S.S.), but disintegrated in [[November 2008]] at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his [[Sonichu]] character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This is one of very few recorded examples of Chris realizing that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it. Despite this, he still has a grudge against Jimmy Hill, leaving him in the final version of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] from [[December 2009]].

: Of note, Jimmy Hill passed the "rights" to Sonichu in Europe to [[Liquid Chris|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].

; Why does Chris call his welfare check a "[[monthly tugboat]]"?
: Basically, it's a very weird contortion of the phrase "Our ship has come in," referring to a fortuitous event. Whereas winning the lottery is like a large cruise ship coming in, for Chris, getting $809 a month for sitting on his ass is like a small boat — like a [[Wikipedia:Tugboat|tugboat]] — coming in for him.

; Where does Chris currently publish new content?
: Chris's current [[YouTube]] channel is [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler]. He deleted all of his videos, save one ([[100 2357.MOV|his farewell message]]), in [[November 2010]] but began uploading videos again in August 2011. After this account was suspended for attempted blackmail, new YouTube videos began to appear on [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCvilleProductions CWCvilleProductions]. He occasionally puts stuff up on [[Facebook]].

Chris's [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|original website]] is dead, as is his wiki, the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris hasn't written a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic since [[February 2010]] and is unlikely to ever do another one.

; What are his dox?
: Chris goes through [[Mailbag|mail]] and supposedly filters out [[troll]] letters. [[Barb|His mother]] does likewise, though she sometimes reads the content but disregards it as something she already knows. If you think writing a handwritten letter to Chris or his mother will somehow force him to read it and convince him to change the errors of his ways (or doing something lulzy), you are almost certainly out of luck.

: Likewise, with Chris's phone; generally, they let it go to the answering machine since so many trolls call. Before his untimely demise, [[Bob]] would pick up the phone and keep track of who called for legal reasons. Chris will generally not answer his cellphone unless it's a number he recognizes.

: But if you insist, you can find them [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|here]] and [[dox|here]].

; Where can I learn more about this guy?
: Well, right here at [[CWCki|this fine wiki]], of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, I would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the [[Megan|Megan Saga and the release of the e-mail correspondence between the two]]. Other resources include:

:* [http://cwcki.forumer.com The CWCki Forum] the official forum of this fine wiki
:* [[/cwc/]] imageboard
:* [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu (IRC chat)]]
:* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] (not quite as reliable)

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Special]]

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2012-02-19T23:42:12Z

A Pop To Lick It: general cleanup + removing unfunny and obvious

[[Chris]] made his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The magazine was first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]] and showcased on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]]. It was released to trolls by [[PandaHalo]] on 24 March 2009, along with the other contents of the [[Scrapbook of Fail]].

==Summary==
Chris's creative sterility is on full display here. He imitates a commercial product using the limited tools available to him: he creates fake letters, traces promotional art, copies game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycles cheat codes. He even mocks up Sonichu ads. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in ''[[Megan|Megaman]] X'' easier to get to, even though the series in question prides itself on its difficult gameplay.

His video game ideas are recycled from games that already exist: for instance, ''Sonic 64'' is exactly like ''Super Mario 64'', the Sonic SNES collection is just like ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Megaman X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles enemies from previous ''Megaman'' and ''Megaman X'' games, which would be outstanding satire on Capcom if Chris were capable of cleverness. Additionally, Chris claims the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris is also one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''") and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

His tendency to write nothing but wish-fulfillment is much more prominent in the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine#Sonic Start|Player's Pulse]] section, where the fictional ''Nintendo Power'' editor heaps praise on Chris for his creativity and determination to see his dreams come true, invites him to the Nintendo of America office in Washington to watch the development of Sonic 64, gives him a copy of every Sonic game ever made, and uses his homemade magazine for a real issue of NP with his permission.

==Full Text (spelling errors preserved)==

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb]]

===Cover===

CHRISTIAN CHANDLER

'''NINTENDO POWER'''

[Drawing: Sonic jumps from a Sega Genesis to a Nintendo 64.]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS Nintendo!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. Sonic Tails, his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.]

[Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D over-the-shoulder view of Sonic on a green background.]

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a free copy of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.] 
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.] 
[Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.] 
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.] 
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, [[Bionic]].

[Drawing: Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[Drawing: Tails [[Autism|stands in place and stares dead ahead.]]]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ''Knuckles' Chaotix''-esque ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.] 
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb]]

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb]]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.] 
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.] 
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.] 
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses, holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb]]

====Optimus Primal====

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left|Silverbolt gets his [[duck]] out.]]

====Rattrap====

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb]]

====Dinobot====

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb]]

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.] 
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.] 
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.] 
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

====SNAKE MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

====NEON TIGER====

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<s>o</s>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.] 
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.] 
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.] 
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.] 
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, Snorlax, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| Nintendo Power
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Supplement==
Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade Nintendo Power magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''Sonic Gems Collection''.

[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left]]

===SONICHU's Adventure===

''Zapping to the Extreme on Gamecube''

{{-}}

[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb]]

====Single Player Action====

=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Rosechu is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''

=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Blachu is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''

=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Wild is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''

=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Bubbles is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''

=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Angelica is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''

=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Punchy is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: Magi-Chan is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be Station Square. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as Zapdos tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

Talk:Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2012-02-19T22:19:58Z

A Pop To Lick It: /* cleanup */ new section

==Reformatting==

Unless this sort of reformatting would somehow mess everything up, this article's transcript and picture gallery should probably be combined page-by-page, just like how the [[A Week With Christian Chandler|Week With Christian Chandler]] article is set up. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 01:49, 4 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Since nobody protested my suggestion of three months ago, I've totally overhauled the page formatting to mimic what's been done with [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It took a long time - and plenty of the lesser formatting will still need to be corrected - but I think the page works and looks significantly better this way. :3 [[User:Llort|Llort]] 22:58, 12 October 2009 (CEST)
::*Holy shit. Transcribing some of these lesser details that were earlier overlooked is turning out to be well worth the effort. Postcards sent in by fictional readers "Rocket Thompson" and "Rocky Coolio"? Yes, Chris. ''Proceed.'' [[User:Llort|Llort]] 01:16, 13 October 2009 (CEST)

==Chris and his "Clairvoyance"==

You know, one has to wonder about what Chris did in this magazine and how much of it actually came true. I mean, it's sad: there WAS a Mega Man game for the N64 (it was a port of Legends, not Chris' shitty X1/Mega Man 3 fusion game), there WAS a Beast Wars: Transformers fighting game (Beast Wars: Transformers: TransMetals, a fighting game for the PS1 and N64 based off of the second season of Beast Wars) and, of course, Sonic making appearances on Nintendo consoles. Of course, we could always chalk it up to Chris talking out of his ass, as usual, and not realizing it. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 17:53, 17 August 2009 (CEST)
:It's not that hard of a guess to make. Mega Man is one of the most absurdly fecund game series of all time, and that there was only ''one'' Mega Man game for the N64 is more astonishing than there being ''any'' Mega Man game for the N64, seeing as how it started on Nintendo consoles! The longest shot would be Transformers, but it had a resurgence of popularity at the same time as the N64, so there was an elevated chance of a game coming out. Sonic coming out for Nintendo consoles was the single weirdest thing, given that while Sega wasn't doing so hot in the console wars with the Saturn, it was still a healthy company at the time. One would have to make some pretty bold predictions to calculate failure from the floundering of one console, seeing that momentary failure was no object to Nintendo or Microsoft. Of course, Chris didn't predict based on some crazy moment of foresight; he was just had a dream about playing Sonic on Nintendo consoles, and because Chris's dreams are "infallible"... [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 01:58, 13 October 2009 (CEST)

==Something Is Very Wrong==

'''The last four pages presented here couldn't have come from Chris's original Nintendo Power magazine!'''

Chris's homemade mag was created in 1998. The last four pages presented here talk about Sonichu (whom Chris didn't create until 2000) and the Nintendo Gamecube (which wasn't released until 2001).

All of this confused the hell out of me until I revisited the [[Sonichu Adventure]] page, where there's a totally separate mock Nintendo Power cover. In fact, that one specifically mentions Sonichu Adventure, which is what the last four pages presented here are about.

Conclusion: Holy shit! I think Chris made ''two'' Nintendo Power magazines, and it's just that the second one was only four pages long! It looks like that second Homemade Nintendo Power had its pages added here by mistake, and it in fact requires its own new article! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:33, 18 October 2009 (CEST)
*Well if you notice, the last four pages are in progression from the previous pages (that is, [[:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|this]] is entitled "038-CWCsNP35.jpg", that is page 35 of Chris's Nintendo Power, which follows 34 which is definitely from the old one). From what I recall, Nintendo Power use to have supplementals, like a mini magazine in the magazine (like when Pokemon first came out, there was a mini strategy guide usually covering one town at a time, with a in-game newspaper hinting at whoever the gym leader was in that level or what Pokemon to look out for) so that could explain for style differences. And don't forget, Chris is a lazy ass, odds are it would be 3 years before he bothered to finish his Nintendo Power.

:It's very possible Chris did mean to do that, but didn't do a very good job of indicating this in the slideshow. It's very well possible that that cover was just a mock up to have ready in case he was approached by Nintendo for a Sonichu game.

:I think it'd be alright to keep these pages though, maybe make a note about the time difference, so we can point out that it took Chris three fucking years to finish this. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:25, 18 October 2009 (CEST)

==A few notes==

Just skimming over this and actually reading the codes section for the first time, it's pretty easy to tell what Chris stole and what he didn't. I don't mean taking codes and rewriting them in his magazine to make it seem like a real magazine, I mean straight up ripping them.

For one, the codes/tricks he stole, he stole verbatim. The 'wheels over heels into first place' bit from the Mario Kart 64 Rocket Jump tricks appeared, word for word, in the Mario Kart 64 Player's Guide.

And the ones he didn't steal are either baseless rumors (that fucking HOLD UP AND B trick for Pokeballs) or just plain retarded (hey if you run around and keep fighting people you'll eventually have lots of experience and money!)--[[User:FalseSwipe|FalseSwipe]] 06:48, 29 October 2009 (CET)

==Kevin Arnold in the letters section==
There's a letter from a Kevin Arnold in the letter sections, which also happens to be the name of the protagonist from the late 80s/early 90s sitcom "The Wonder Years." Do you guys think that maybe Chris watched The Wonder Years? I mean, Chris was 16 in 1998 and that's when it was still on Nick at Nite at the time and Chris does watch a lot of TV, including old sitcoms (which would also still be on Nick at Nite at the time). The only thing about this is that I'm not sure a teen drama that is about an adolescent boy becoming a man and the trials and tribulations of adolescence would appeal to an eternal child such as Chris.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:23, 4 December 2009 (CET)
*You're assuming Chris understood the theme, and that's assuming a lot. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 19:30, 4 December 2009 (CET)

== cleanup ==

cwc sucks at art. this shouldn't be news to anyone reading the cwcki. i'm going to prune unnecessary bile and try to make it more smooth to read without all the tryhard unfunny nonsense. -- {[[User:A Pop To Lick It|a pop to lick it]]} {[[User_talk:A Pop To Lick It|talk]]} 14:19, 19 February 2012 (PST)

Katie Bay E-mails 6

2012-02-19T04:07:10Z

A Pop To Lick It:

The last of the Katie Bay e-mails, from 14 [[August 2009]] to 13 [[June 2010]]. Chris just stopped replying.
==E-mails==
===14 August 2009===
{{EmailReply|Subject: KATE!

You KNOW YOURSELF after the EXTENSIVE ONLINE HISTORY that I AM THE REAL DEAL, so WHY DID YOU FINAL VOTE FOR [[Liquid Chris|THAT BROWN IMPOSTOR]]? I am on an emotional edge right now, and I apologize for raising my voice like that. I implore you, Kate, PLEASE change your Vote. I had just dedicated TWO White Stripe Songs for you during a recent [[KCWC]] Lite Everything Lunch Hour.

And I will not put down your brother's ideals either, but make him take a Second Look between ME and HIM, and make sure he thinks HEAVILY about it.

[[Stress sigh|*sigh*]]

Stay Safe,
[[Ian Brandon Anderson|Christopher Christian W. Chandler]].}}

{{Email|I can't change my vote it's against the rules lol

-kate}}

{{Email|1=Anyways, are you gonna order a Sonichu [[Audiobook]] DVD?

Apparently [[Vivian Gee]] is going to be making these soon!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CngmunxA41A

-kate}}

{{EmailReply|NO I WILL NOT, did you not watch my Disclaimer Video; if Vivian makes and sells her DVDs without my Authorization, she will be in [[Chris and Copyright|Violation of the Counterfeit Laws]]. STOP THAT GIRL!}}

===15 August 2009===

{{EmailReply|Because of the recent encouragement from my Pastor and everyone else recently, I am taking the steps to make it ALL official and get Paper Published (again, PLEASE DO NOT TELL ANYONE about ANYTHING IN THIS MESSAGE). I've requested the forms from the L.O.C., I have resumes to send out to Comic Companies and N.O.A. Please pray for the True Success that I am long due for after almost ten years.}}

{{Email|you have a resume now? Perhaps you should put it online so you can get more exposure. You might find independent companies or something right?

-kate}}

{{EmailReply|Subject: Kate, let me ask you

And I wish you to answer me honestly. After I have been honest with you about Samantha, and after I have entrusted you greatly with simple yet heavily responsible tasks, and after having been a good friend to you, ARE YOU TRYING TO TROLL ME with these ACTS of notifying me of things that may or may not pick on my nerves?

Because I do NOT appreciate it at all.

And besides which, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT EVERYTHING THAT IMPOSTOR SAYS ARE ALL CROCKS OF LIES. Why do you believe that S.O.B.?

Please answer both Questions with FULL HONESTY AND TRUTH.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

{{Email|1=I'm trying to help you, I questioned you about the copyright and I know full well that they are going to copyright it before you do.

So unless you want to hear nothing more, then fine. So be it.

My final warning is this: He's out to slander you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdshGz_Pvks

Sure, you can ignore me. But can you tell that to everyone in the world, the people who comment on your YouTube, the people who encounter you on the street, the people you love? You can live in ignorance like you have, or you can see the truth. That's all I'm going to say.

I've been trying to help, but if you refuse to take action, then you've got everything you're asking for.

-kate}}

{{EmailReply|I'm sorry, Kate. I should have realized that you were helping me out. I AM taking action, I do not live in ignorance, and they have no Power over the [[copyright]], as long as I have EVERYTHING Copyrighted March 17, [[2000]] with the symbol that I have been keeping since almost Ten Years Ago, I am in good standings. DO NOT TELL ANYONE, but I am in the process of [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|regestering the Copyright with the Library]]. So please help me by NOT telling anyone about that, keep them from doing their dirty games, and please keep me up to date.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

{{Email|I mean, from what I understand, it should be an instant thing if you do it online so like...why haven't you done it sooner? lol

-kate}}

{{EmailReply| I have not been able to do it sooner, because, and to quote from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]'s "The Forum" from April 26, [[2004]], titled, "Meet Sonichu - Student featured in "[[Nintendo Power]]"", "For now Sonichu remains a hobby. In the future, Chandler would like to see Sonichu an dhis friends as real Pok'emon, even having their own Nintendo Gamecube video game title." Then I am quoted saying, "[[Chris and the industry|I am not really sure what to do in order to do all that]], but for now, Sonichu and I, Christian C., are in Nintendo Power Magazine."

The N.P. issue was the [[Metal Gear Solid]] - The Twin Snakes issue, Volume 179, May, 2004 Issue, on the bottom of Page 89 in "The Crossing Quartarly" with the Headline, "[[Animal Crossing Documentary|Sonichu's Cwcville Documentrary]]". Please feel free to look the article up; I will upload the article pages and type the body on Cwcipedia later tonight.

Also, did you hear? Christian went missing. I've just heard about it from Kacey, then I read from another e-mail from someone else an accusation of ME kidnapping him. I promise you and everyone else, that I have NOT kidnapped him. I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHERE HE LIVES; his REAL address.

It's likely my fault, because I [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|targeted and launched]] a POWERFUL [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]] at him. [[Chris and reality|OMG, did that attack ACTUALLY WORK?]]

Anyway, I am just feeling terrible about the situation.

I'll check in again later.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{Email|uh, do you think you have magical powers? lol

-kate}}

{{EmailReply|NOT [[Chris and Religion#Chris the Shaman|Magic]], and I'm not sure which word to appropriately use.

I've launched the curse upon [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in March, 2004 after she interrupted my Sweetheart Search attempts on October 7, 2003 and so; I KNOW it worked, because her Rep went Downhill. She edited a book, was quoted in newspapers, and was a good person before I cursed her with Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune. She still works at PVCC, but IDK about what else happened to her.

I apolgized to her recently, then she served me a Trespassing Notice; I refused the Certified Letter Delivery shorty after.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys]</ref>}}

{{Email|Can you uncurse people? can you teach me this magic lol

-kate}}

===16 August 2009===

{{EmailReply|Putting [[Chris's resume|my resume]] online is the plan for today.

I have learned from my experiences that a CURSE or a BLESSING shot is mainly comprised of the respective Enraged or Caring you are currently feeling. I DO NOT ENCOURAGE YOU DO THIS, but I will tell you for your information. When cursing, I feel enraged or really angry; I channel that energy between my hands, gathering them in and throwing them towards either the target I'm angry at, or the ground or skyward; a choice of words are optional, but they do seem to add more oomph to the attack.

When removing the curse, or Blessing, I feel the caring emotions that comes more natural within me; I gather that energy into a ball, then release it onto a single target, or all around me within a certin radius.

Blessings are more encouraged than Cursing; I have learned that personally. Cursing is a double-edge sword; you curse someone else, and in turn, you later feel saddened that you've hurt that person, and in relation, but only for a short time, feel cursed yourself.

Think about that.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

===17 August 2009===

{{Email|So, when do you think you are going to finish Episode 20? I mean, we just got the title...when will the action happen...well mroe lol

-kate}}

===18 August 2009===

{{EmailReply|I will upload the pages after I have colored them in; at least appreciate that I am actually trying to get Paper Published In Real Life on the side. FYI, I am on, and have drawn, Page 51.

Also, be on the lookout; I'm moving my YouTube.

Stay Safe,
Christopher Christian W.C.}}

{{Email|I'm looking at your park poster, there's a typo. Typos don't look good lol

also, i understand why one of the [[Sonee]]s is Pink and why one is Yellow but why is one Purple? was [[rosechu]] cheating on sonichu with [[Magi-Chan|magichan]]?

-kate}}

===19 August 2009===

{{EmailReply|THERE ARE TWO ROSEYS and ONLY One Sonee. Christine Rosey is Purple, because she is a Shiney Rosey. Pink for Cerah and Yellow for Robbie ARE NATURAL. NO CHEATING WHATSOEVER.

[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Why do people take such an innocent thing and make it obscene?]]

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

I'm sorry, Kate. BTW, you didn't respond to the two White Stripes songs I had dedicated to you in a recent video, [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special|the August 13]] Update I think it was.

Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I have noticed you have like over 30 characters total

it's very confusing}}

{{EmailReply|Take it one character at a time, and take your time; you will not be confused. Also, spread the word; I'll make a video announcing it later, but I'm uploading my Comic Pages onto my [[deviantArt]], http://cwcipedia.deviantart.com/; at least they'll be more secure on there. Also, check out the redrawn Sub-Episode 2, Page 3 page.}}

===21 August 2009===

{{Email|So I went on a picnic today.

It sucked, I brought some chips and cookies but everyone else also brought that. Needless to say, we all went out for burgers later lol

-kate}}

===22 September 2009===

{{EmailReply|Sorry for not being in touch for a while. I hope you and your brother are doing well. I'm doing okay; I'm on the verge of getting a job, so that's been good with me. :)

Stay safe,
Christian.}}

===23 September 2009===

{{Email|Oh! That's really interesting!

What kinda job are you getting?

-kate}}

===24 September 2009===

{{EmailReply|It's a job at my local [[Target]] on the Sales Floor.}}

{{Email|Oh, so what do you do at that job?

-kate}}

===30 September 2009===

{{Email|Well, right now in my life, I'm taking some gen. Ed for school because I've been putting it off for too long lol

Let me tell you something, Indians aren't very interesting :(

-kate}}

===23 November 2009===

{{Email|Hey, it's been a while Chris.

School's been VERY tough on me. My brother is playing the piano right now. He's terrible lol

So, what's been up with you?

-kate}}

===31 January 2010===

{{Email|It's been a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time!

So, what's up with you?

I've been really peachy. My little brother is learning how to drive and I'm trying to teach him. It's a pain in the ass lol

Anyway, in the time span I've talked to you, I've lost two boyfriends lol

They were assholes and treated me like shit. Unlike my other friend, I know how to get out of shitty relationships. You been in any?}}

===13 June 2010===

{{Email|I've heard some pretty bad things happened to you with this girl called [[The Wallflower|[REDACTED] ]]. Just wanted to let you know, that things will get better.

-Katie}}
Chris didn't reply and correspondence ended.
==References==
<references/>
{{Emails}}
[[Category:E-mails]]