The Hook Cafe

2010-04-06T07:50:40Z

Amenta101: reference to his creation of Sonichu

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, or what Ash Ketchum would look like if he had grown up to be a fat gay manchild.]]
[[Image:direct2sex.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of the ad, as of 5 April 2010.]]
The local alternative weekly paper in [[Charlottesville]] is ''The Hook'', and its online personal-ads site is called '''The Hook Cafe'''. Some time in early 2010, Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "[[Chris and sex|direct2sex]]," declaring that he "Need Sexy Sweets from Woman."

As far as anyone can tell, no sexy sweets have been forthcoming.

The ad is one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and is now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get sex, and that if Chris could get to the the hanky-panky without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. Before the discovery of this profile, the clearest evidence of this was [[Mailbag 53#So much for true love|one of Chris's mailbag responses]].

It's interesting to note differences between this and his previous dating profiles. Chris is apparently making an attempt to be a grown up, and as a result he neglects to mention [[Sonichu]], his [[Autism]] or the fact he's a twenty eight year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]], having finally realized that boasting about his failures has probably contributed to his lack of hanky-panky.

==Ad==
The following is all the information included in the ad as of 5 April 2010. All misspellings or unusual capitalizations are from the original page. The peculiar entry under "Religion" (which lists his affiliation as both "Methodist" and "None") is the result of an error Chris made when filling out the form that produced his profile.

===Introduction===

I am an [[honest content|honest]], [[Chris and anger|compassionate]] [[Megan Saga|gentleman]], with a good sense of humor. I am looking for good time(s) with a woman; I'm not getting any younger. I would like a 21-28 year old woman with a pretty face, a sexy slim to average body and an honest and compassionate personality. Show me your honest and sweet interest and love, and I'll show you a good time. Hit me up with an e-mail with your photo and digits, and I will respond quickly in suit. Smokers, [[Obesity|overweights]], [[Niggos|blacks]] and [[List of Chris's lies|liars]] need not apply.

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Man''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''[[Fuck Quest|Friends with benefits]], Some Action, Casual Dating''' 
Body Type: '''[[Obesity|Average, Muscular, Height / Weight proportionate]]''' 
Eyes: '''[[Heterochromia|L=Blue, R=Green]]''' 
Height: '''5' 10"''' 
Hair Type: '''Brown''' 
Age: '''28''' 
Seeks: [[china|'''Woman for Dating, Woman for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|College graduate]]''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''[[Chris and religion|None, Christian / Methodist]]''' 
Political Leanings: '''Moderate''' 
City: '''Ruckersville''' 
Occupation: '''Artist''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Socially]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-chu|Car]], [[Sonichu's Edge|Walk]]''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Obesity|Conscious Omnivore]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''[[R.L. Stine|Reading]], [[Sonichu|Creating]], [[Guitar Hero|Playing sports]], [[Chris's Big Night Out|Clubbing]], [[30_Push-Ups|Working out]], [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Shopping]], [[McDonald's|Dining out]], Biking''' 
Funniest Thing: '''A man chasing a dog. [[Random-access humor|And the dog has a ham in its mouth]]'''

===Deeper===
The best thing about Charlottesville is: '''The vast history behind it.'''

My radio dial is usually tuned to? '''Z-95.1'''

Quote a line from your favorite movie. '''[[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticespialadocious]]'''

Thomas Jefferson makes me: '''feel inspired and better enjoy Charlottesville, VA.'''

The first thing I read in the Hook is? '''The Arts.'''

Name three things [[Semen|you shouldn't have eaten]]. '''Beets, [[Pickles]], Relish.'''

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''smokers''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: [[Chris and reality|the brain of a '''college graduate''' and the body of a '''Playboy Womam]]'''

People say '''[[Chris and his Ego|my face is my best feature]]'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''the Arts'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''sweet compassion''' The quickest way to my bed is '''honest lovin'''' And in the morning, I like my [[Christian's sex joke|eggs]] cooked '''fried and well-done'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'''

'''[[Golden Corral]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
'''Best Buy''' or Sidetracks

'''Summer''' or Winter

'''[[Hex Box|PC]]''' or Mac

'''Cavaliers''' or Redskins

'''[[Chris and death|Casket]]''' or Cremation

Fax or '''Email'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==External links==
*[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250471 Chris's Hook Cafe profile]

[[Category:Websites]]

Talk:Mailbag 60

2010-03-08T13:56:15Z

Amenta101:

Jesus, the mailbag gets shorter as they go, don't they?
[[User:Amenta101|Amenta101]] 17:40, March 8 2010, Greenwich Mean Time (AUS)
:I'm willing to bet that more letters are added over time. This has happened before. Alternately, this could be an experiment to see if Chris gives better answers to just a few letters.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 11:30, 8 March 2010 (UTC)
::I'm willing to bet that it is to get Chris to respond at all. He's barely made a peep this last week. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 12:25, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Mailbag 60

2010-03-08T06:39:46Z

Amenta101: Created page with 'Jesus, the mailbag gets shorter as they go, don't they? Amenta101 17:40, Greenwich Mean Time (AUS)'

Jesus, the mailbag gets shorter as they go, don't they?
[[User:Amenta101|Amenta101]] 17:40, Greenwich Mean Time (AUS)

CWCki - User contributions [en]

The Hook Cafe

Talk:Mailbag 60

Talk:Mailbag 60