CWCki - User contributions [en]

William Elliott Waterman

2017-07-15T03:10:31Z

And The Rest Is Christory: /* Facebook */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|William Elliott Waterman|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Billy, Waterhead, Watermelon
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 March 1986 (age {{Age|1986|3|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
|'''Education'''
| Champlain College (BS, software engineering)<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/interns/interns.shtml</ref>
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Computer programmer<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/documents/oitconnection_vol2_iss1.pdf</ref>
|-
|}
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
{{Protip|Watermelon does not deserve attention. He barely deserves oxygen.}}

'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born 1 March 1986) is a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''', '''Waterhead''' and other variants by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, occasional advice, and off-topic remarks. He has also purchased artwork from Chris, including [[Sonichu 0|the first issue of ''Sonichu'']]. William can be considered a [[white knight]], although he claims to be a troll. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions and a [[weening|ween]].

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out trolls over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William, despite him being [[JERKS|male]] and having [[Asperger syndrome]]. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[May_2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref>

In late 2015, William was removed from Chris's friends list after his activity on [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]]. He has since been re-added.

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted a rant about having no local friends and included pictures of [[Pokémon]] cards of Cubone and Yamask. Instead of responding to what Chris wrote about, William said he liked the Pokémon.<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, William made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. William, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. William also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, William also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which gave people the impression that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

==Unfriended and refriended==
A few weeks after the Kiwi Farms debacle, William posted on Facebook that he held power over Chris and Chris would not make any more statuses or videos until the administration of Kiwi Farms gave into demands he made. By claiming he was controlling Chris, however, William overstepped his boundaries and treaded on Chris's ego. Chris responded with a [[November_2015_Facebook_Posts#I_Control_My_Life|Facebook post]] about William, where he emphasized that he had control over his own life, and then promptly unfriended William.

By [[June 2016]], William was re-added as a friend by Chris and continued to make off-topic comments. In a post where Chris went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his estranged brother]] for not [[Chris and money|serving as an ATM]] for himself and [[Barb]], William [[Ego|redirected the topic to himself]] by picking a fight with [[Kim Wilson]] and also posted about his [[video games|autistic interests]].

On 17 June, Chris began reading the first chapter of a fanfic named [[:Category:Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness|Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness]]. William later stated that he was responsible for getting Chris to read it<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-9#post-1534383</ref>.

Furthermore, an account provided by William's friend Reverend_Lovejoy, posted to Kiwi Farms, implied that William had paid Chris to narrate that story<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-24#post-1563368</ref>, although Lovejoy tried to obfuscate by claiming that Chris had loaned $50 to William and that William then paid him back, which is extremely unlikely, as Chris was neck-deep in the [[Financhu Crisis]] and wouldn't have had $50 available to loan.

In early July 2016, after Chris had read chapter four of that fanfic, he unfriended William again<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/7-9-yt-announcement_20160709.22293/page-7#post-1586578</ref>. In [[Announcement 20160709]], Chris revealed that he was angry at "Mr. Bill" for suggesting that he read the story, which Chris found to be nonsensical. Shortly afterwards, it was discovered that William was no longer on Chris's friend list.

Less than three weeks after the Bluebird debacle resulted in William's expulsion, Chris re-added him to his friend list again<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-7-28-tranny-status-updates.22924/page-3#post-1633317</ref>. Days after he reappeared on Chris's Facebook comments section, Chris began a new series of fanfic-reading videos called [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]].

The M.O. for getting Chris to read from ''Bluebird'' is similar to the one used for ''Girl'' - both are fanfics, both were meant to allude to Chris's lifestyle and Chris specifically avoided mentions of being paid for both. It seems that, after paying for Chris to read ''Bluebird'', and then getting thrown off his friend list because his fanfic reading idea was so terrible that even Chris called him out on it, William simply tried again with a different story.

It's currently unknown how much money William has wasted on trying to get Chris to produce content. He has [[Paid Video Requests|plenty of company]] on that front.

Waterman later wasted even more money paying Chris to insert his original character [[Bananasauros]] into [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], where the character moves in with [[Punchy Sonichu]] and has sex with an opposite-gender clone. Chris apparently found Bananasauros so asinine he couldn't help himself inserting his own criticisms into the comic.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Love Quest

2017-07-06T09:04:21Z

And The Rest Is Christory: /* Conflict with Mary Lee Walsh */

{{quote|I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...|Chris, in a [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|sudden moment of clarity]]<ref>[[White_knight_E-mails#September_2008_.E2.80.9]]</ref>.}}
{{quote|... except for the fact that I am Handsome|Well, so much for that.}}
[[Image:Chris-Chan Warrior of Love.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]
[[File:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris must fight [[autism]] in order to enter the Valley of [[China]].]]
[[File:Tumblr lg8dq2DmiR1qbc13do1 500.jpg|thumb|Artist's impression of Chris on his Love Quest.]]
The '''Love Quest''' or '''Sweetheart Search'''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Lori Lopez]]</ref><ref>[[Miyamoto emails]]</ref> is the ongoing, real-life [[saga]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] to obtain a girlfriend. The stated purpose of the Love Quest is to meet the woman who will be his true love, solve all his problems and bear his daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. The Love Quest represents a focused effort to do everything in his power to achieve romantic fulfilment, except of course improving himself.

To this day, the Love Quest is ongoing, with Chris (unsurprisingly) not having made any progress whatsoever in finding a romantic partner. The nearest he has come is losing his virginity to [[Mia Hamm|a prostitute]], and as of 2016 he has sought [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|other means]] of romantic satisfaction, but the Quest goes on.

==Origins==
===Background===
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|right|Spell cards don't work IRL, Chris.]]
The catalyst for the Love Quest was Christian's encounter with [[Sarah Hammer]] (on whom he had a crush) during his move back to [[Ruckersville]], and his enrollment at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. This occurred somewhere between [[2000#June|June 2000]] and [[2003#October|October 2003]].

Sarah is presumably the first woman of any significance to tell the ever-[[naïve]] Christian "[[So Need a Cute Girl|I have a boyfriend]]"; Chris was surprised to learn that his childhood [[gal-pal]] was romantically involved with [[Wes Iseli]].<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref> Upon making this discovery, he quickly developed an intense jealousy of Iseli (who he didn't even know) and resentment towards him that would set his state of mind for the impending Quest.

Throughout [[2003]], Chris passively expressed his longing and envy by way of "[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]" and "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]". It is clear that Chris had at some point decided Sarah was supposed to be his soulmate (although perhaps not until he learned she was unavailable) and had difficulty accepting that this would not be a possibility. In [[2005]], following Sarah's breakup with Iseli and hookup with [[William Spicer]], he dealt with the situation more openly and publicly in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] - this acceptance perhaps stemmed from his turn to a new object of infatuation - see the [[Megan]] section below.)

===Epiphany===
According to Chris, the genesis of the Love Quest proper was his twenty-first birthday, 24 February [[2003]].<ref>Chris misspoke the year as [[2002]] in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|this video]], but he has elsewhere consistently referenced his 21st birthday, which was in 2003.</ref> On this date, he was kicked out of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] English class after a dispute with his teacher. (In his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Start_of_my_Sweetheart_Search|Wikipedia biography]], Chris claimed the teacher ejected him simply on account of his [[autism]], which of course bears no resemblance to reality: when asked about it again later by a "girlfriend", he deigns to mention that it may have had something to do with belligerently slandering classmates and making racist remarks<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5]], starting at 7:45 PM</ref>). At any rate, while waiting for his next class, Chris sat and cried his eyes out, resenting that there was nobody to comfort him like there was at his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Shortly thereafter, he resolved that he needed a girlfriend.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

Presumably the connection between these events is that Chris felt hurt and ostracized by his punishment, leading him to recognize his need for someone who would appreciate him unconditionally. However, Chris further states that the Love Quest ''officially'' began in [[2003#August|August 2003]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>, suggesting that he waited six months to actually execute his plans.

===Salad days===
At some point early on in the Quest, Chris developed an intense, socially crippling [[Noviophobia|fear]] that all women (at least, all the women he likes) have boyfriends. Since his [[autism]] causes him to approach social tasks in the bluntest manner possible, it can be inferred that his initial approach was to walk up to women out of nowhere, and frankly ask if they would go out with him. It may be further inferred that Chris's unrelenting persistence made it extremely difficult for a woman he liked to get rid of him, short of claiming to have a boyfriend. In any case, Chris quickly lost nearly all of his confidence in talking to women and developed an irrational hatred of boyfriends, or "[[JERKS]]" (i.e., all men everywhere except himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]]). Since this time, he has always specified that his potential girlfriend must be a [[boyfriend-free girl]], which is unnecessary outside of some kind of polygamous arrangement.

==Conflict with Mary Lee Walsh==
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|Miscellaneous items used during the Love Quest, or as the Commonwealth of Virginia will eventually call it, Exhibit A.]]
[[Image:134-cwcsonstecrdgirlbck.jpg|thumb|Back of a ''Sonichu'' business card.]]
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

By [[October 2003]], Chris had put into practice what was "the only sensible idea [he] could come up with that was inexpensive": sitting on the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] campus holding a sign that read "I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion." This would be the first of many versions of the [[Attraction Sign]], a vital tool in the Love Quest for several years to come.

Sometime during October, the school's Dean of Student Services, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], confronted Chris and confiscated his sign. According to Chris's recollection of the event:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." [[Heart level|MY HEART WAS SHATTERED]] that very moment.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 May 2009}}

What is far more likely to have occurred is this: Walsh probably decided Chris was making a nuisance of himself and asked him what he thought he was doing; Chris probably delivered a big confusing monologue about seeking true love, and Walsh then likely dismissed the substance of Chris's response with "You can't do that here." Walsh's point of contention was undoubtedly just the sign, whatever Chris may have to say about it.

Undaunted by Walsh, Chris simply made a new sign, but a few weeks later Walsh confronted him again. In late [[January 2004]], Chris revised his strategy; leaving copies of the ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' newsletter strewn about campus, each one containing a single "personals ad" about himself. By [[February 2004|February]], Walsh had cracked down on Chris again, banning distribution of the ''News Dash!''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], [[February 2004|February 9, 2004]]</ref> Owing to repeated violation of campus policy, Walsh took Chris to her office to discuss the problem with him. In Chris's own words:

{{quote|Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an [[anger]] management course and see a [[Chris and psychology|psychiatrist]] for a while.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 [[May 2009]]}}

The extent of the "attack" Chris made against Walsh, whether it was physical or just a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], is unknown, although it would have had to have been something pretty serious to get him suspended from PVCC ''and'' forced to undergo counseling. The timing of the incident is also unclear, but Chris has cited 16 [[September 2004]] as the date of his suspension.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 16, 2004</ref>

==Conflicts with Jerkops==
By [[August 2004]], Chris had expanded his quest to other [[Attraction Location]]s besides PVCC, such as [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. It was here that he attempted a new tactic, inspired by ''[[Excel Saga]]'': laying a [[Red String of Fate]] across the mall floor. This inevitably led to a confrontation with mall security, making this Chris's first recorded encounter with the [[Jerkops]].<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], August 2004</ref>

By [[September 2004|September]], Chris had somehow learned that loitering in public places with a sign advertising his services as a boyfriend made it look like he was "trying to sell [him]self like a new car," but he still managed to miss the point and believe this was something he could work to his advantage. He continued to have confrontations with mall security until 11 September 2004, when he was arrested, handcuffed, and forbidden from entering the mall without one of his parents. With both of his Attraction Locations denied to him, Chris became more lonely and depressed than usual. In his diary he expressed an interest in asking "Santa Clause" for a girlfriend (according to e-mails leaked by [[Jackie]], Chris was completely serious and believed in Santa until he was ''24''<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 2004</ref>).

==Anna McLerran==
[[Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|thumb|''Too bad she's a lesbian.'']]
{{main|The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer}}
At some point in 2004 Chris had expanded his activities in the mall, including:

* Pacing around a lot, playing videos on his Game Boy Advance SP.
* Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then".

He was apparently infamous to one [[Anna McLerran]] and her friends by the time he finally worked up the nerve to enter the store where Anna worked to strike up a conversation with her. Anna handled herself as politely as she could while having zero interest in this idiot's pathetic romantic overtures, and apparently convinced him that she was off the market.

Despite becoming one of Chris's closest friends, Anna would later document the 2004 incident in a [[2006]] blog post, confirming that, despite whatever good qualities she sees in Chris, deep down she knows he's a few electric hedgehog Pokémon short of a [[Chaotic Combo]].

==Hanna==
On 29 [[March 2005]] Chris (who had somehow regained full access to the mall) momentarily believed his prayers had been answered when he was approached by [[Hanna]], a girl who worked at the local [[Wikipedia:Starbucks|Starbucks]]. She invited Chris to have coffee with her. Chris quickly overreacted to this sudden reversal of fortune, calling his mother and showing Hanna his entire [[Sonichu Scrapbook|''Sonichu'' scrapbook]].

[[Anna McLerran]] later informed Chris that Hanna was simply trolling him for the [[lulz]]. In shock, Chris confronted Hanna and, when she admitted the truth, he ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!". He apparently made enough of a scene to get himself [[banned]] from the mall (again). Subsequently, Chris dramatized the whole story in [[Sub-Episode 2|the comic]], where he was able to get the last word in exactly the way he could not in real life.

==Conflicts with [[Manajerks]]==
Around [[June 2005]], with the mall becoming a more difficult place to pick up chicks, Chris turned to his local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], where he would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his sign and various nerd amusements, and wait around for hours. On 20 June 2005 Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his sign and (probably in reaction to belligerent behaviour) called the police on him. Chris hid the sign, effectively avoiding criminal charges for sexual solicitation, but he was banned from the McDonald's. He did not interpret this to mean he was banned from the Wal-Mart, however.

On 22 June, after the first incident, Chris again came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures, and the conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. The Manajerk apparently attempted to discuss the situation with Chris:

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [''sic''] to [[JERKS|any Man other than myself]], because they all have [[infinitely high boyfriend factor|taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none]].” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with [[Son-Chu|my car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

In [[July 2005|July]], unsurprisingly having been banned from Wal-Mart, Chris relocated to the newly-opened [[Charlottesville]] [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], where he quickly found himself in trouble for loitering. Chris refused to leave at first, but when store employees returned with [[Jerkops|police officers]] (including [[Bagget]]), Chris offered to leave if they would listen to a prepared speech. According to Chris's account of the incident, five officers then jumped on him and [[Wikipedia:hogtie|hogtied]] him without provocation. His account is so blatantly fantastic and biased that it's difficult to draw any conclusions about what actually happened; for five police officers to have subdued him he must presumably have been egregiously stubborn in dealing with them.

Indeed, in the dramatization of these events in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], the jerkops need nothing short of a giant robot to capture Chris, and this time [[Sister|his twin sister]] rescues him so that they can destroy the jerkops' entire operation, which of course is commanded remotely by Mary Lee Walsh from [[PVCC]].

Chris has said that he was eventually cleared of all criminal charges related to the dispute at Target. It was apparently at this point that [[Barb|his mother]], in a dazzling display of parental guidance, informed him about two years too late that the Attraction Sign made him look [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]].

==Megan Schroeder==
[[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|thumb|''Boyfriend-free no more!'']]
[[File:Rap.PNG|thumb|You gonna get raped.]]
Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] in the summer of [[2005]] and was immediately attracted by such qualities as [[China|her gender]], [[Boyfriend-free girl|her lack of a boyfriend]] and her willingness to talk to him. In Chris's mind these key factors meant that Megan was already destined to be his sweetheart, and the only thing left to do was convince Megan to accept this truth. The Love Quest was effectively on hold from this time until [[March 2008]]; all of Chris's writings during this time demonstrate that he believed he was already in a monogamous relationship with Megan and further Sweetheart Searching was unnecessary.

Aside from Megan's complete disinterest in romance with Chris, the relationship suffered other stumbling blocks, such as Megan's discomfort at Chris showering her with gifts; Megan's outrage over Chris's sexual harassment, hatred of men, and rampant homophobia; Megan's unwillingness to share a [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|hypothetical hotel room]] with Chris; and most damagingly Megan's discovery that Chris had to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|draw himself fingerbanging her]] to suppress his fantasies of assaulting and raping her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_does_not_regret_the_Meganporn_and_claims_drawing_it_helped_prevent_him_raping_her]]</ref> Even though she reacted as any normal human being would in the same situation, he was still shocked that she "broke up" with him and thought that all he had to do was say "I'm sorry" as much as possible.

Chris' obsession with [[Encyclopaedia Dramatica]] was what led to the end of the friendship, since his attempt to blow ED's mind by posting his [[Rule 34]] drawings caused her to discover what a deranged individual he truly was and break off all contact with him. Chris totally missed the point about the fingerbanging picture, believing that its continued presence on ED was the issue, and ludicrously that Megan didn't understand what was going on in it. This contributed to his drive to shut the site down for much of 2008, until people on the [[Internet]] figured out the simplest way to troll him...
{{clear}}

==Internet Love Quest==
[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's image from [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Café]] profile.]]

After becoming an infamous lolcow thanks to his edit war with ED, Chris began to receive unexpected attention from attractive single women who loved his comics and totally weren't just looking to troll him. Since then, Chris has taken his Love Quest onto the Internet, proclaiming that his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart is whichever girl he's managed to pin down. Chris, or someone impersonating Chris, has at one point attempted appealing to [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080804202349AA80xDL Yahoo! Answers] on how a "lonesome fella" can attract a boyfriend-free girl, going as far as mentioning his previous tactics and even asking his answerer to be his sweetheart.

With each sweetheart he meets online Chris follows a predictable pattern, demonstrating what he had always intended to do with any woman he met in real life. He begins with a series of proclamations of his TRUE and HONEST love, and then begins planning out how the woman will travel to his home. Chris professes to believe in the rule that sex is out of the question until the [[third date]], but since he expects every romantic encounter to end in total success he makes it clear — in as gentlemanly a fashion as he can manage — that he expects sex at the woman's earliest convenience. Amazingly, as each successive Internet gal pal proves to be a [[troll]], Chris becomes more devoted to the next one, to the point that within a month of meeting Ivy online he began planning his marriage to a woman he had never even seen face-to-face.

When addressing the question of why Chris readily takes each new troll at face value, his own mindset must be taken into consideration. Chris's prospects of finding a girl locally are virtually zero, and he knows this (although he thinks it's because they all already have boyfriends). At the same time, the Internet seems (from his point of view) to be an endless cavalcade of single, attractive women who are fascinated with him, making it an irresistible resource in his Love Quest. By now Chris is fully aware that each woman he meets online ''could'' be a troll, but each time he readily accepts evidence that she is not and dismisses out of hand any suggestion that she is. He does this because he ''wants'' to believe she's real; the alternative is to surrender to despair.

==Returning to real life==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|''The [[Internet]] is so yesterday, Love Quest is always in.'']]
In Chris's final chat with [[Sarah May]] from early March 2009, he claimed that he planned to give up looking for a [[sweetheart]] online, and return to searching for a girl in local [[Charlottesville]]. [[Trolls]] everywhere rejoiced, for this could only mean one thing - a return to the fabled [[Attraction Sign]] and the days of his exploits against the [[Jerkops]] and his other IRL misadventures.

This effort only lasted so long, however. Chris's first attempt at a real-life date, with [[Emily]], ended in tragedy (for him) after the intervention of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. During the brief [[Rollin' and Trollin']] era in the early summer of 2009, Chris was allegedly spotted prowling Charlottesville Fashion Square in his ''[[Guitar Hero]]: Metallica'' tattoo sleeves, but it wasn't long before he gave up (or was simply banned from the CFS) and retreated back to the Internet.

In late [[October 2009]], after a long hiatus, the [[sweetheart]] cycle began again, with the advent of the incredibly disturbing [[I Love You Kacey]]. Chris initially found success in his campaign to pry Kacey away from her current boyfriend, [[Liquid Chris]], even managing to meet her in person on multiple occasions. Later, though, the relationship collapsed under the weight of Chris's bizarre and disturbing behavior.

The opening months of [[2010]] saw Chris land himself in romantic misadventures both in reality and online. He managed to pry himself out of his room for a while and in the process meet a real person, [[The Wallflower]]. Like Megan, however, she rebuffed all his attempts at a more-than-friendly relationship, and eventually cut off all contact with him. Meanwhile, one of his [[The Hook Cafe|online personal ads]] led to an [[Jackie e-mails|extended conversation]] with another potential sweetheart, but Chris tripped over his duck long before he ever got a chance to meet "Jackie" in real life.

Despite this, Chris believed he had found another way to attract females, this time via the [[Flipnote Hatena]], which is (despite being accessed on a DSi) still on the internet. Between 17 June and 2 July 2010, Chris ignored Flipnote Hatena's "family friendly" policies and attempted to use it like a dating site. A lot of Chris's tags towards the female members were flirtatious to a point, and he even [[For Women ONLY|made a Flipnote]] calling out to every woman he had tagged or tagged him. However, despite the trolls swarming in to attack, non-troll responses were made by girls he tagged, [[pedofork|most of whom were in their tweens to early teens]].

==Recent Years==
Chris has made numerous [[OKCupid]] profiles, and has successfully attracted a sweetheart though it - [[Catherine]]. Once her gig was up, Chris began to plumb the depths of derangement with [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|videos]] advertising himself to women of "any orientation", since as a [[Chris and Gender|tranny]] Chris believes he now physically appeals to straight, bisexual and lesbian women all at once, which may have been why he became one in the first place.

==Promotional Images==
Throughout the Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Any success they may have had is not evident.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0773-CWC23.JPG|You'll never guess what I just swallowed.
Image:0775-CWCCDPose.JPG|[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Way past cool!]]
Image:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|Shredding some hot licks on my [[Gitar of Fail|gitar]]!!
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|10/10 Would bang.
Image:0778-CWCPin.JPG|Staring at the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] while tanning.
Image:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|Baby got back!
Image:0780-CWCrelax.JPG|Are you craving my delicious inner thighs?
Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|I've been waiting for you...
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = LOVEQUEST
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MC-4GDBDa8A}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2012]]
| maker = Spelling Bee
| type = }}

==See also==
*[[Attraction images]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Hard Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Story of My Current Days]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

File talk:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG

2017-05-28T00:29:08Z

And The Rest Is Christory:

sadly, i couldn't get wings to display. not that i had any appropriate wings anyway. --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 14:56, 2 May 2009 (CEST)
:Would have been better if he was holding a Dwemer battleaxe[http://www.waiting4oblivion.com/images/screenshots/obx22B.jpg], but it's still pretty awesome. [[User:Fat Nigger|Fat Nigger]] 11:39, 30 May 2009 (CEST)

== Excellent. ==

This is probably my favorite image on the Cwcki, Oblivion is one of my favorite games.
[[User:DronePod|"Order now, and i'll throw in a second beating -- Absolutely free!"]] 10:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

It's you! The Hero of Kavatch! [[User:And The Rest Is Christory|And The Rest Is Christory]] ([[User talk:And The Rest Is Christory|talk]]) 00:29, 28 May 2017 (UTC)

User:And The Rest Is Christory

2017-05-05T21:41:05Z

And The Rest Is Christory: Created page with "Kiwis are better than Emus"

Kiwis are better than Emus