CWCki - User contributions [en]

A Hike

2010-10-11T06:35:58Z

BaconDan:

[[File:monticello.jpeg|thumb|The "village" of Monticello]]

'''A Hike''' is a rare video that takes place both during the day and outdoors. The video is broken up into small chunks with [[Chris]] alternating between hiking and filming, [[Chris and health|presumably the exertion from walking up a slight grade requires all the energy he can muster]].

In what can be considered the spiritual successor to the [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]], he is immediately out of breath after the first cut and continues to deteriorate from that point. [[The Miscreants|Top men]] calculate the filming took place at the [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/trail.html Saunders-Monticello Trail].

==Description==
{{EmailReply|I took a hike.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Hike
| video = {{#ev:youtube|37pXWB9rjBU}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ECV 00001]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcription==

'''0:00-0:14''' ''[Chris is filming himself with his handheld camera. He is sitting in his car in broad daylight. Children scream in the background]''

Quarter after three now. I'm gonna be making my way up a mountain trail nearby [[Wikipedia:Monticello|The Monticello]]. I'll check back in about a quarter of an hour. I've got my ''OFF!'', an' got my camera here and my phone. Be okay.

''[Jump cut, Chris has begun to labor in his breathing]''

'''0:15-0:27''' Ah, just a few minutes into my little hiking trail. So I walk off course to visit the little woodland theater or Palmer that [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|my congregation]] and I visited one past Sunday

'''0:27-0:35''' ''[Chris walks up to the stage of the theater and pans the camera around the sitting area]''

'''0:35-0:38''' ...and now I'm gonna walk up further up the trail and I'll be back in a bit.

''[Jump cut, Chris is standing still.]''

'''0:38-0:55''' Annuder trail has gone esplored by me, so I'm gonna take a little look up the trail and see what's up this way. Check in in a bit, it is quite a mysterious forest. Along the mountain beside The Monticello.

''[Cut to dead tree]''

'''0:55-1:10''' Hm. A tree that has been uprooted by a past weather event, along the side of this path. Deep in the chasm, that forms a river. [[Random access humor|Which could be a river, if there was more water in it]].

''[Jump cut, Chris's heavy breathing is slowly replacing the narration as the dominant soundtrack]''

'''1:10-1:31''' Deeper and deeper into the forest the trail goes, where it leads? I don't know yet. There's a rock with moss. Moss grows on the north side. On tree bark or rock formations. I just walked across a wooden plank.

'''1:31-2:01''' ''[Prolonged gasping for air]''

'''2:01-2:21''' If you think it's spooky. Well, you're wrong. Because it's only a stick I've stepped on. [[Obesity|A really big stick]]. North is that way! As I have seen, on this rock and its mold.

'''2:21-2:51''' ''[Chris continues breathing heavily]''

'''2:53-3:03''' ''[Narration becomes slower and slower with more breaks]'' Huh, look at that. A tree bit formation with moss on the wrong side. Bet it got twisted and turned. That's why it's on the wrong side. Isn't it?

'''3:03-3:29''' ''[Chris continues his way up the trail, struggling for air]''

'''3:30-3:43''' It is a sunny day in the village of Monticello. It's even a sunny day in the forest. Things may or may not be well, we'll see what what happens as we walk long this trail

'''3:43-3:56''' ''[Breathing continues horribly]''

'''3:56-4:04''' Huh, another tree fallen. [[Chris_and_music#Singing|''[Chris sings]'' Free fallin']]. Cut up chucks.

'''4:04-4:14''' ''[Chris takes a pause from his narration again]''

'''4:14-4:55''' Ah, look at this, a bit of an open field. A field that is open for play by one animal or two, or so. Quite possibly, many more. I think we go this way in the fork of the road. Other way goes back to civilization and I'm not ready to head back just yet. Look at that ''[Chris points the camera at a tree]'' a shade of red on this tree. One would suppose, rotted? Or dead wood? Or perhaps it is just dirty from dirt and grime thrown upon by its wondrous past.

[[File:Blairchris.png|thumb|The parallels are eerie.]]

'''4:55-5:01''' Over here, there's another big tree. OVER THERE! Fallen and uprooted.

'''5:02-5:21''' ''[Heavy breathing, slow walking, shaky camera]''

'''5:22-5:27''' Quite a chasm down there. If that were water, it probably would be a river. A big one.

'''5:28-5:57''' ''[Heavy breathing; Chris burps loudly at '''5:36''']''

'''5:57-6:02''' Goin' up the trail, not down the trail. Goin' up the trail not down the trail.

'''6:02-56:28''' ''[At this point, it's safe to say Chris is about to give up]''

'''[6:28-6:46]'' I'd care to comment, but you know what? I'd just prefer to marvel on nature and it's revels. [[Random-access humor|A bug buzzing about me. Not busy as a bumble bee.]]

'''6:46-7:33''' ''[Camera spends prolonged periods of time pointed at the ground, Chris is now gulping air. Chris utters two pained grunts around the '''7:25''' mark.]''

'''7:33-7:38''' Whew, a long way up we have gotten.

'''7:38-8:01''' ''[Chris is stumbling with exhaustion and stops midway on the trail. He [[Stress sigh|sighs]] at '''7:56''']''

'''8:01-8:20''' Well I think we've reached the end of our trail, not too many ways to go, yeah? We have reached a dead end.
''[Camera clearly shows the trail continuing off to the right, [[Fail|despite Chris's claims to the contrary]]]''

Rest a moment and I'm going to head by to [[Son-Chu|my car]]. Take a hiking trail of your own, if you will, in your own forest where there in dwell.

''[Jump cut]''

'''8:21-8:30''' Another commentary note, if you will, for down that big trail at that major fork with the clearing, we find an overlook. Let's take a look over.

'''8:30-8:38''' ''[Chris approaches the overlook and shows a view of plain trees and grass]''

'''8:38-8:47''' Hm. Vast glorious view from here. As was portrayed and enjoyed by the Carter family.

'''8:47-end''' ''[Chris points the camera at himself. He is flushed, pale, and drenched with sweat]''

Signing off now, y'all take care and be s-

==Notes==
While it is difficult to try to guess why Chris does things, a person might find it odd that he turns his camera off while walking. One theory might be he doesn't want people to see how little exercise it will take to get him tired. Thanks to a map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail (found [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/ParkwayTrails.pdf here]), we can calculate the relative health of Chris by comparing his breathing with the actual distance covered. Using the scale of the map, estimates place the distance from his car to the Palmer Woodland Theater at roughly 275 yards (250 m). It should be noted that this also happens to be the approximate distance of a walk if Chris were to start at the beginning of Branchland Court, walk around the cul-de-sac at the end of the street, and return from whence he started. Along with traversing the grueling 275-yard trail, Chris climbed an astounding 13 yards (12 m) in elevation.

Chris repeatedly refers to [[Wikipedia:Monticello|Monticello]], the historic home of famed Virginian and [[America]]n [[Wikipedia:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Father]] [[Wikipedia:Thomas Jefferson|Thomas Jefferson]], as "The" Monticello for no reason.

==External links==
* [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/ParkwayTrails.pdf Map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail] — what an average human could walk through in fewer than fifteen minutes without breaking a sweat.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ECV 00001]]|nextlink=Current}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Lars

2010-10-09T17:19:42Z

BaconDan: Created page with "Uh, yeah, stupid question here but Lars is black, right?"

Uh, yeah, stupid question here but Lars is black, right?

Dating profiles

2010-07-02T12:16:47Z

BaconDan:

Chris has created a number of profiles for dating websites over the years. Like everything else Chris does, these endeavors are usually made of pure fail.

==Match.com==
{{main|Match.com}}

Chris's Match.com profile is his oldest online personal ad, dating back to when he still attended [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], hung out at [[The Game Place]], and wasn't quite so corpulent and maladjusted as he would eventually become. It appears to have been just as ineffective as all of the others, though.

==OKCupid==
{{main|OkCupid}}

OkCupid is one of the more popular dating websites, and matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OkCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. The ability to stalk thousands of internet girls without paying a dime must have been a very attractive prospect for Chris.

Chris created his first OkCupid profile in late [[February 2009]]. He gave up on it very quickly — his final login was in early [[March 2009|March]], and he never answered any of the questions or quizzes that the site uses to build a personality profile of each user. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of true and honest [[China|love]]. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."

Chris has recently created a second profile which is 10 times worse.

==Book of Matches==
[[File:BookOfMatchProfile.jpg|thumb|Screenshot of Chris's BoM page.]]

It's unclear when Chris made this profile, but given his stated age, it probably was made around late 2008 or early 2009, around the same time as his first Hook Cafe ad. While the staples of half-assery are still present, it's clear Chris spent more time on this page then he did on his OKCupid profile. Many of the statements here are just repetitions of the Chris-chan facts we all know and love, though: his fantasy of a daughter named Crystal, McDonald's as a first date, and so on. [[Honest Content|True and Honest]], perhaps, but hardly a way to impress babes. Chris also seems to believe that citing Mary Poppins as the greatest movie ever will somehow have a positive effect on the ladies.

===Profile Text===
'''If you like me, find me In Person, and let me know.'''

*Charlottesville, Virginia
*Response Rate: 0%
*Above average
*[[Ego|Sensually hot]]
*Pisces
*Caucasian
*M
*26 years of age
*5'9 - 5'10
*Single
*Artsy Gamer
*Here For Long Term Relationship

'''Things that have bothered me:'''
 When they are false friends; when they would just dump me after one mistake, or something as dumb.
 '''I am looking for:'''
 In a nutshell, 18-years to my current age, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcholic, white and Boyfriend-Free.
 '''Cool Movies:'''
 Of all time, Mary Poppins.
 '''My Favorite Groups are:'''
 All kinds; classic, jazz, country, pop, rock, etc.
 '''I am looking for a personality like:'''
 I'm not certain, but as long as the woman likes me for me, and will stay by and care about me, all things considered, I'll feel better. I feel that I am a good listener, and I can make her laugh and/or feel good (but then again, it depends on her point of view).
 '''Willingness to meet others from boM:'''
 I am willing to meet WOMEN from this service, as long as they live within the Ruckersville or Charlottesville, VA area, and if they currently do not have (or preferably never had) a Boyfriend.
 '''Are you ready to start from scratch?'''
 I WANT to start a relationship [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|from the Ground-Up]]. I may have a few things already [[Sex toys|put behind me]], but I will make it a point to keep [[Homos|those]] [[Racism|issues]] out of the way of current or future issues. I am to be continued.
 '''My typical day:'''
 Personally, I have never been on a date before in my life. But for my first date, I'd keep it simple with a beverage (or shared meal) at [[McDonalds]], or similar resteraunt.
 '''My Wish List Includes:'''
 I dream of getting married, and having a daughter named [[Crystal]].

==The Hook Cafe==
{{main|The Hook Cafe}}

Chris has put up at least two personal ads on the website of his local alternative weekly paper. One, dating to around the beginning of [[2009]], was hacked before its contents could be preserved for posterity. The second, however, found in [[April 2010]], was successfully mirrored by the CWCki. A few days after it was initially discovered, the ad mysteriously disappeared (and was completely deleted from the site, unlike Chris's first ad, which he simply hid from public view after regaining access to it).

==External links==
*[http://www.bookofmatches.com/profile/page/SONICHU.htm Chris's Book of Matches profile]
*[http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?lid=1000005&TP=U&Handle=SonichuCWC&uid=p6pWeNyd69Zt4vDF/badgQ== Chris's Match.com profile]
*[http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CWCSONICHU Chris's OKCupid profile]

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Websites]]

Chris and the industry

2010-07-02T10:24:26Z

BaconDan:

{{incomplete}}

Chris has had numerous '''aspirations to work in creative industries'''. So far, he has expressed his desire to make [[Sonichu (game)|several official Sonichu video games]], and work on a real [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]] for a real comic publisher. However, [[Chris and his Ego|for reasons best known to himself]], he elects not to find out how these industries actually work, which is quite strange; one would assume that a person seeking a career in the industries would at least take ''some'' effort to find out how the said industries work.

== Publishing ==

In the [[Sonichu Chronicles]] and [[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his art isn't just good, but professional quality, and that he aspires to get into the comics and video game business. The résumé reveals his widely varied skills with both pens and crayons and his desire to work as an artist for a professional comic company such as Archie Comics or Marvel, creating his Sonichu comics. There is no word on whether or not he actually submitted anything to these companies, or if they replied.

Unfortunately for Chris, the publishing industry doesn't work this way, especially not in case of "original" creations. In the case of an original work, the publishers expect complete works to be submitted to them, usually through an agent. An agent's job is to separate the wheat from the chaff and find the correct publisher for the work, taking a small percentage of the eventual profit for their reward. If the publishers take unsolicited submissions, they have to sift through a gigantic backlog (often called "slushpile") of submissions of highly varying quality, most of which end up rejected multiple times before there will be a publisher with right market in mind and the right publication schedule to allow the publication deal to go forward. The whole process can take years in case of a single work.

If comic book publishers have salaried artists, they usually need to have a portfolio of previous work, usually work that has already been published commercially, or (if the comic house is ''particularly'' lenient, and most big names aren't,) there has to be evidence of a successfully self-published, high-quality comic. And even in this case, these artists usually only work on characters and plotlines that come from inside the house; it can take time before the artist is in any position to present their own ideas for comics, or use their own original characters. Even if he ''were'' able to stick in a company for a long time, he'd still need to improve his communication skills a lot; if the Sonichu Chronicles PowerPoint and various phone conversations are of any indication, he's unable to persuade his superiors that his ideas are worth working on.

In short, Chris is deluded if he thinks that any company will just pick him up and tell him to work on Sonichu comics.

Even ''if'' Chris does get in, there's also the problem with scheduling. Most comics are worked on far in advance, thus allowing for any changes concerning a book, such as plot problems, character availability changes or even cancellations. Even still, many of them maintain a certain schedule, either monthly or bi-monthly (one every two months). Very rarely do comics go bi-weekly (one every two weeks), though weekly series have been more common (DC Comics, for example, experimented with the weekly format in the 1980s with ''Action Comics Weekly'', which bombed and put the title on hiatus for a few months, returning it to its normal ''Action Comics'' title. Twenty years later, DC has churned out a number of weekly series, including ''52'', ''Countdown'' and ''Trinity''.)

Chris, however, has no schedule. His schedule consists of "whenever he has the inspiration" to work. That doesn't cut it. If Chris went with that alone, he would have a release schedule that would rival that of infamous artist [[Wikipedia:Rob Liefeld|Rob Liefeld]]. And where Liefeld, for the most part, could get away with it because he owned his own company at one point (and people have gotten him to actually do the work), if Chris pulled this kind of stunt, he'd be out on the street so fast, his head would spin.

Chris's understanding of [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] is a chapter in itself. Publishers want primarily original works, because securing the necessary rights to publish derivative works is often difficult or impossible. Chris has even [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris is an asshole|resisted attempts to educate him]] in this regard.

== Fan fiction and ideas from the public ==
Chris could approach Sega and Nintendo and ask them to make Sonichu games, comics and merchandise. This plan would also be doomed to failure, because none of the media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, it takes effort to sift through idea piles and they can't give equal amount of thought on the bazillion ideas fans send them. While the game companies ''do'' listen to their fans, they usually just want to know if the time is ripe for something they've been planning to do. (For example, no doubt a big part of the reason why the newer ''Fire Emblem'' games got worldwide release was because the fans of Marth and Roy from ''Super Smash Bros. Melee'' were wondering aloud "why the hell isn't Nintendo releasing these games outside of Japan?") They most certainly don't have the capability of starting a whole new game project just because someone asks. If the game companies respond by saying Chris had, as he himself so [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|eloquently put]], "rocks in his head", then you probably don't get a slice of their previous time for making a second impression. Simply put, Chris thinks that even when the companies aren't busy with other projects, they still have time to think of ''his'' grandiose ideas ''and those things only''.

Secondly, there is an age-old problem in a litigious society: A fan writes to the company and says "I have this cool idea", the company says "thanks, but no thanks", one of the in-house writers comes up with the exact same idea by accident, and boom, you have a fan who's suing you for idea theft, and even if that lawsuit will usually go nowhere, it wastes perfectly usable time, energy and most of all ''money'' that could be used for more fruitful ventures. A famous example is British novelist Terry Pratchett, who used to post in his Usenet fan group until one of the fans was convinced Terry had stolen his ideas.

Therefore, most media houses will just say they will not take any ideas from the public. The game industry is not an exception. This fact has been pointed out to Chris a lot of times (and at least twice by real Nintendo representatives, as evidenced by the letters he has read in the Captain's Logs<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009]]</ref>). Unfortunately, Chris misinterpreted all this.

Another thing that Chris disregards is the fact that writing games takes a lot of effort - in Edison's words, getting things done is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration'. Many good ideas don't get implemented. No one is going to invest energy in developing an idea alone if they don't know if the idea can be implemented. Game companies may be willing to negotiate a deal to use their properties (such as characters) in games developed by third parties, but those proposals are usually backed up by real companies, actual creative teams of developers, and serious, complete plans for games - if not outright working prototypes already. Even in the case the properties are tacked on the prototype later on, the prototypes are usually fully developed so that they can be used ''without'' those properties if the plans fall through. (Example: ''[[Wikipedia:Star Fox Adventures|Star Fox Adventures]]'' began as a game that was completely unrelated to Star Fox universe, but Nintendo felt the game was better with SF characters.)

Theoretically, it would be possible, though highly unlikely, for Sega and Nintendo to cooperate enough the make a game featuring a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid named Sonichu. They would not, however, need any input from Chris, or even his permission, to combine characters that ''they'' own. Think about it. Of course, the idea of releasing it cross-platform for ''Sony consoles'' remains yet another absurd and fevered dream on the part of Chris.

In the Sonichu Chronicles he gives [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] "permission" to use the cover to his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]] as the inevitable cover for when his game is created, even though it's several years old (and, in fact, even ''worse'' than Chris' current skill at art).

== Other publication channels ==

Chris hasn't even tried any self-publishing channels. The idea has only recently been addressed, with [[Clyde Cash]] posting Chris's comics on Lulu.com; Chris so far has only responded by encouraging his [[fans]] not to buy them, and to simply wait for him to release the "real" versions later. According to [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]], Chris has been fixing up his pages to be published on lulu, taking an unreasonable amount of time to accomplish this amazingly simple task.

The thought of monetizing his web comic hasn't crossed his mind either. People have been annoying – nay, ''harassing'' him with advertising he didn't approve of, yet when he attempted to replace these offensive ads with ads of his own, he simply put some random advertisements on his webpage ''without actually signing any sort of advertisement contract'' — the ads didn't make him any money. There are several advertising programs that allow individual people to put ads on their personal pages and make money out of them; some of these programs are even specifically geared toward webcomic artists. Many web comics have a donation box where readers can donate money to the artist via PayPal or similar services.

It also took a while for Chris to come up with the idea of drawing on-camera, and even then, he hasn't demonstrated it too often.

== Schedule slip ==
Most webcomics have a set schedule: some update weekly, some many times a week, some daily. Some webcomics update whenever the hell the artists get inspired enough to draw a comic, and probably reserve a whole forum for people who whine about lack of updates. Most webcomic artists that update the comic three times a week consider that schedule very demanding, and webcomics that update daily usually generate revenue of some sort (ads, donations, print versions, merchandise, what-have-you), allowing the artists treat their comics like a full-day job.

Chris has thoroughly embraced the point of view that the comic shouldn't have a set schedule and inspiration doesn't have a deadline... while ''also'' promising us that the comic would be updated daily. On 14 [[November 2009]], Chris promised that the comic would be updated daily, and he managed to fulfill this promise for a while. By the end of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris was already placing author-substitutes in the story telling people to quit whining about the lack of updates. This is obviously not a question of punctuality, but [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]]; Chris would avoid a lot of drama if he just admitted that there's no set schedule whatsoever after all. If one ''does'' consider this a question of punctuality, it doesn't look too good.

Chris also tends to update in spurts in an attempt to make up for missed days; this can range anywhere from three to twenty pages at a time. Most professional webcartoonists have a buffer of comics so that they can avoid this sort of thing, but the thought of doing so has apparently never entered Chris's [[autistic]] mind.

== Sauces ==
<references/>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and copyright]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], Chris's not-very-creative-pitch-like PowerPoint presentation
* [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]], in which Chris likewise fails to sell a project idea
* [[Sonichu (game)]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]