CWCki - User contributions [en]

CWCville

2010-12-26T21:16:07Z

BanjoSplice:

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of reality, and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1" width="500em"
! colspan="2" | CWCville
|-
|'''Flag''' (Ceremonial)
|[[File:Cwcflag1.png|frameless|The ceremonial flag of CWCville.]]
|-
|'''Flag''' (National)
|[[File:Newflag1.png|frameless|The national flag of CWCville.]]
|-
| '''Location'''
| [[Virginia]], [[USA]]
|-
| '''Coordinates'''
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe, far from [[Molvanîa]]
|-
| '''Date established'''
| ''Fictional'': [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] ''Real world:'' [[2000]]
|-
| '''Population'''
| Unknown. Mixed population of humans, Pokémon, and ripoffs
|-
|'''Political Ideology'''
| Chandlerian Socialism
|-
| '''ZIP code'''
| 02024<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook]]</ref>
|-
| '''Website'''
| None (formerly ''The CWCipedia'')
|-
| '''Also known as'''
| Chris's mind, CWCistan, The People's Democratic Republic of CWCville, The Confederate States of CWCville, Hell, etc.
|-
| '''Exports'''
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, autistic manchildren, oppressed [[Homos|LGBT]] refugees, semen
|-
| '''Current relevance'''
| Main location of events in the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' universe
|}

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address)]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville]]

CWCville is the setting of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> In his willingness to educate, and his confusion at negative reactions to his answers, Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all]]

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade Sonichu items together on one table in his room. The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the [[Pokémon]] series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Mobius.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.
{{clear}}

==Name==

One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym," while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym." It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

{{Quote|Chris-chan was the Mayor of CWCville. Chris-chan had always been the Mayor of CWCville.|Paraphrased from [[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the Cwcville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref> Chandler is Mayor-for-life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections.

Contrary to this, he has insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville).

The issue is further convoluted when Chris says that voting is strictly for the Board of Director Members<ref>[[Mailbag 37]]</ref>, though Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to.

[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor]]]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. the [[Wikipedia:Kim Il Sung|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea, the [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran and "[[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Baby Doc]]" and "[[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|Papa Doc]]" in Haiti).

It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of ''[[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|damnatio memoriae]]'', where all records of a traitor: statues, inscriptions, etc., are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen/mentioned in the comic.

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref>, but later decided not to.

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random and [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]].

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[jerkops]] and [[manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean and [[Mao]] are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

{{clear}}

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry. With the banning of anything tobacco-related, CWCville loses hundreds of millions of dollars a year in tax revenues, jobs and investment.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], 10 homeless shelters have been set up: [[Mailbag 20|Chris himself]] claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV. The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokémon roam in the forests; zapbuds fill the fields.

Zapbuds have quickly established themselves in the surrounding ecosystem. Aside from [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu|"healing woes,"]] relatively little is known about them. They have four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" in their name and electrical hazard symbols on their petals suggest that it might not be the brightest idea to pee in the middle of a zapbud field.

Marijuana is grown in CWCville and is used recreationally [[Inos|by]] [[Yawning Squirtle|several]] [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|people]] but is punished by [[Book10Replacement|Draconian prison sentences]]. {{clear}}

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Fictional places]]

Pregnant Act

2010-10-30T02:14:42Z

BanjoSplice:

[[File:128747284554.png|thumb|Artist's rendition]]
[[File:JuniorMoviePoster.png|thumb|left|Leaked footage of the upcoming blockbuster movie]]

'''Pregnant Act''' is a creepy video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. In this video, we see more of Chris's [[Homos|transgender]] urges (while being able to physically see very little), as the scene begins with what amounts to a [[Chris and reality|biologically impossible]] (on multiple levels) self-impregnation, Chris having received what is presumably [[Jackie]]'s egg cell, which he has fertilized with his own [[navy]] (even though Jackie wasn't in the picture 9 months before the video was made). The 'pregnancy' is given form by padding under Chris's shirt, including the [[Plush Breasts|plush breasts]], in a scene straight out of Ed Gein's Bedtime Stories.

Having effectively screwed himself, the next scene has Chris on his back like some freakish turtle, futilely attempting to right himself (with notable actual effort, and not just acting). The nightmare continues with the birthing scene, Chris now pointing the camera at his own crotch, and completing the birth by tossing a [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]] onto his... knees.

Finally, in a scene vaguely resembling [[Family Guy]], ManMom Chris has his stomach exposed, and the plush breasts stuffed down his [[sports bra]], while he forces the bear to suckle from the surely diseased, alkaline, bleach-smelling teat. The presumably newborn baby then says its first words. Chris seems to have no understanding that babies that young are incapable of speaking, which might go back to an old story of his claiming he started speaking at 6 weeks.

Chris removed the video the following day, and uploaded a newly recorded version shortly after.
{{clear}}

==Video==
[[Image:Guncomic.jpg|thumb|100px|right|The nightmarish and often forgotten first birth]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Pregnant Act
| video = {{#ev:youtube|j7I2QBukJ4Y}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Male pregnancy}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VerticalRedYellowShirt|text}}, {{Cwcbra|text}}, {{K-SwissShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2281]]
| next = [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Oh my god... look at me! Huh! My girlfriend reverse-impregnated me! [[Honor Roll|The egg came out of her, and got into me!]] When we were having sexxxsss... oh my gosh. Goodness... [''camera fumbling then jump cut'']

Hm. Ugh. Goodness it's difficult to get up these days, with number one in the way. Oof! Little heavy made me fall down. Made me fall down! [''camera fumbling''] Maybe I try... and see if get up. Oop! I fell down again! [''mumbling''] Let me tell you... oof! Ahh! [''grunts, then jump cut'']

Oh my goodness, it's a big one! [''grunts, strains, and mumbles''] Must watch breath... one two three! [''gasps''] EEeeaaahhhhgh! Ah! [''throws a stuffed bear onto lap''] Well! Congratulate me! I gave birth to a little beautiful baby... bear. And she's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|female]]! Goodness... wow. [''jump cut'']

It's baby's open that's right little child. Eat all you want out of there. You eat all you want out of there. [''an electronic toy says "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"''] Ha! First w-her first words! [[30 August 2009|We]] love you too!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2281]]|nextlink=[[Breast Cancer Awareness]]}}

==The Remake==
Chris removed the original video on 19 October, and uploaded a new version of the video shortly after. Now with improved lighting, and a more detailed explanation.
{{Infobox/video
| name = Pregnant Act
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sC8392Td5r4}}
| stardate = 19 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Male pregnancy}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertRedGreenShirt|text}}, {{Cwcbra|text}}
| previous = [[A Public Announcement for Congress]]
| next = [[A Workout]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:ChrisGivingBirth.jpg|thumb|Artist's summary of the video]]
Oh my goodness [[Chris and English|me look at this]] I had sex with my girlfriend and it backfired on me, can’t believe this. Her egg went inside my [[Duck|dick]] and now it’s- now it’s been in me for like 9 months. Engh mani’m gunna get these stretch marks in a little while…ummgh dang. egh [[Obesity|laying down it’s hard for me to get back up again]]. Eeeaauuh, ung ung ung! Ehh! Well that was a major push, hope I didn’t lose it there! Erro here come- aaa ahhh think [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|it’s coming out the back]]…think it’s coming out the - aaaaa one two three one two three. Engh! Engh! ENNGGHHHHHAAA! Well will you look at that, I gave birth to a beautiful baby... girl bear! [''Chris has his shirt pulled up, exposing his muscle bra and pale fish-belly, the bear is pressed up against the plush breasts''] You- no- little babies drinking my [[Navy|breast milk]]. Yeah you enjoy that don’t ya? My lil- my lil girl.

[''an electronic toy says "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"''] Hmm.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]|nextlink=[[A Workout]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
{{videos}}

A Public Announcement for Congress

2010-10-19T17:02:25Z

BanjoSplice: spelling

'''A Public Announcement for Congress''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. The "for Congress" part apparently represents some confusion or misconception, because the video actually consists of a stump speech directed at the American people, outlining the policies Chris would advance if he were president. Keeping in line with his nonexistent knowledge of modern politics, and given his stated political stances and views, Chris seems to be unaware that 2nd Amendment rights are often a primary issue for conservative voters, as well that it is routine for Republican candidates to display homophobic views and policies.

Chris offers a number of initiatives that would give [[tugboat|free money]] to [[Bob|senior citizens]] and the homeless, while also proposing that taxes be slashed to a tiny fraction of their current rates. In addition, he suggests that all of the guns should go to the [[jerkops|police]], and would only be redistributed in case of attack from [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|another nation]] or [[Chris and reality|another planet]].

Also, [[Homos|gay people]] would be accepted in his [[CWCVille|Utopian society]], so long as he didn't have to notice that they exist. He makes the claim that gay marriage will be allowed in all U.N. member nations, despite various international laws, sovereignties, and treaties that all basically mean that the President of the United States has no such decisive say in the policies of the various countries of the U.N. Finally, he suggests a police state in which emails and other forms of online communication are constantly monitored in order to prevent trolling. Whether the trolls would be [[03212010_C-Ya_Later.MOV|tortured bad]] for their actions has yet to be announced.

He also tries to translate Clyde Cash's name into Spanish, failing miserably. As you don't translate names, but if one did, it would be ''Dinero'', not "Cashez", and the last name would still go last. Also, "de(l) ___" suffixes tend to be titles and honorifics. Thus, if names were to be translated, Clyde may be ''Clyde Dinero del Oro'', lit: "Clyde Cash of the Gold."

In yet [[Twin Falling Towers|another display]] of Chris's patriotism, he calls the [[United States of America|United States]] the United Nations. Whether this is him wanting to expand his control to other nations or a legitimate mistake is unknown.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Public Announcement for Congress
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ghfoOqS2mM8}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Politics}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = Unknown White T
| previous = [[Vitameatavegamin]]
| next = Current
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Dope1.jpg|thumb|CWC [[2008]]]]

Good evening, friends. As your presidential candidate, I will now state how I feel (''Chris makes an odd kicking motion''), what we can do to improve this, [[United States of America|these nations, these states]]. For one thing, we got so many [[Inos|poor people out on the streets]]. I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have soup beds. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS! So that there would be a bed for every homeless person until they can get back up on their own feet. Also, lower taxes. I will propose lower taxes, and we shall not have to pay so much. Five percent is okay, but why not two point five percent? And we will not cut off any benefits for the old people. They are good. And we shall give them plenty of money so they can afford the medications and services to keep them alive, because we do not pay for when we are sick, we pay for our good health! And we only pay after we're healthy. We're in good health. We pay to stay alive, we do not pay to die.

And, speaking of which, too much [[Sonichu 10|violence]] goes on within these city streets. I will propose only gun distribution to the official authority, which shall be the post-, which shall be within the [[Jerkops|police departments]]. Nowhere else. And all guns owned by locals, community people, shall be taken away. At least the bullets. When the bullets are necessary, or when there is an outbreak of violence from another [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|nation]] or [[Chris and reality|planet]], then we shall issue the bullets. At all-, at free stations, to be opened immediately. Otherwise we'll send in our special troops. Our [[Chaotic Combo|special force]].

(''A long pause, where Chris becomes visibly agitated'')

And also (''another pause''), we will be okay to have the gays (''noticably grimaces'') within our community, we will be okay to have the gays within our community. In all states! There will be gay marriage ability for every state within the [[Fail|United Nations]]. I mean, keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody, 'cause mup- the- mag- [[Family Guy|what may be right for you, may not be right for most. For some. You take the good from the bad and then you get an opening statement like mine.]]

People need to appreciate life, so we will not have to face death. I lost my train of thought there, but that's okay. I am only human! We are all human! I am a noble, honest person. No matter what e'erbody else may say, even on the Internet, and my opponent, [[Clyde Cash|Señor Cachez de Clyyyyde]]. He tells liiies about me! And so do the trolls that have be-trolled me over the Internet. Their jeers, and non-cheers, do not go appreciated. Because it is not everybody who can take a joke. Even when it's at their own expense.

And with that, I will propose Internet securities, reinforced by the FBI, and there will be patrol stations of the Trollbusters around these United States. Any repor-, any troll activity that you may be suspicious of an individual, you report to your local authority! And they will tell, and then they will inform the local FBI station within that state. And then they will investigate thoroughly! Over the wireless that is called the Internet! And they will trace the e-mails back to the origin home address or location. And they will be apprehended and fined or sentenced, depending on how CRUEL they are to the [[Chris|victim]].

I stand strong, I stand firm, I AM A NOBLE LEADER! And if I am elected, I will do my best to keep our America strong and sound, and not go down the drain. I'm sorry, [[Obama]], I did vote for you, but I gotta agree with my father, you are bringing us, somuss- some of the situations downhill. But I have nothing against you because I did vote for you. And I liked your documentary on A&E. I would shake your hand at the first opportunity I would to meet you, Mr. President.

And thou- er- fore, I shall conclude my opening statement. In the candisacy of the president, I say, I will do my best! And I am not lazy! Thank you.

This ad is not real. I'm not being, going to be elected president, but I tell the truth nonetheless of what I would do if I were to become president. Thank you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Gilligan Be or Not]]|nextlink=[[A Public Announcement for Congress|Current]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Breast Cancer Awareness

2010-10-19T16:57:12Z

BanjoSplice:

'''Breast Cancer Awareness''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2010]]. Chris has stuffed his [[muscle bra]], likely with the [[Plush Breasts|plush breasts]] as seen in his [[Pregnant Act|previous video]], and speaks for a few moments about the dangers of breast cancer.

The video [[Chris and writing|begins with a segue]] into the talk about breast cancer. Providing a "public service", it is possible that breast cancer has come to Chris's attention either via a TV ad, or via his own [[health|checkup]] from an actual doctor. Throughout the video, J. Edgar Chandler adjusts his [[muscle bra]] and gropes himself regularly, and seems to be quite cheerful throughout the video, especially when considering the subject matter, and the probability that he may have to deal with it personally in the [[health|near]] [[Barbara|future]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Breast Cancer Awareness
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9es2xamI57s&f}}
| stardate = 18 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Breast cancer}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{K-SwissShirt|text}}
| location = [[Chris's kitchen|La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]
| previous = [[Pregnant Act]]
| next = [[Gilligan Be or Not]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is sitting in his kitchen with his shirt obviously padded to make it appear like he has very large breasts. The radio or television is playing loudly in the background.'']

Seriously, though, folks, there is something else that you should be aware of [''He scratches his nose and glances off-screen.''] you know, breast cancer. You know what that's both us both males and females, regardless of size. [''He adjusts his fake breasts, pauses, then chuckles briefly.'']

Anyway, make yourselves aware of this. You should feel your tatas. [''Cups his own fake breasts, then delivers a [[creepy stare]] at the camera.''] Feel your breasts. Check to see if you have any lumps, they could be breast cancer. You never know. If you suspect breast cancer, go get yourself checked out with a doctor. Breast cancer awareness. [''Draws a ribbon in the air with his fingertip.''] Pink ribbon.

[''Cuts to a closeup on his chest, fake breasts still intact. Radio/TV is no longer in the background.'']

Hey. Hey hey. Hey! [''He grabs the camera, pointing it towards his face.''] Eyes up here, budde- [''Camera cuts out in the middle of the y in buddy.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Pregnant Act]]|nextlink=[[Gilligan Be or Not]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

2010

2010-09-27T20:30:34Z

BanjoSplice:

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in [[2010]].]]

'''2010''' marks the second consecutive year of organized trolling of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. In 2010, Chris turned 28.

==January==
{{main|January 2010}}
[[Image:EloquentArgument.JPG|thumb|left|On '''17 January''', Chris expresses his opinion on ''[[Fan:Asperchu|Asperchu]]'']]

Smug with overconfidence thanks to his [[Mailbag|fanmail]] and the victory over [[gay]] ads, Chris charged into January, not even allowing the shut down of the [[CWCipedia]] via [[copyright]] claims stop him. However, Chris would soon find a new [[stress]] factor in the emerging fan comic ''[[Asperchu]]'', going to great lengths to pull his fans away from it via various crazy [[YouTube]] videos; every attempt failed miserably. As he did, Chris continued to update ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', revealing more of his madness. Unbeknown to trolls, he was actually beginning to get close to [[The Wallflower|another girl]] and he would attempt to hide this, but his own [[ego]] would refuse to let him do so.

==February==
{{main|February 2010}}
[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|On '''25 February''', Chris murders [[Evan]] in a totally disgusting way]]

As January became February, Chris found himself embroiled in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|a series of phone calls]] from ''Asperchu'' creator Alec Benson Leary, demanding Chris to promise to show better tolerance towards Asperchu and to get rid of [[Simonla Rosechu]], with [[Mao]] holding CWCipedia hostage. Though, very slowly, Chris recovered enough from the stress to complete ''Sonichu 10'', which showed the death of Simonla, only for Chris to turn around and "kill" Alec, Mao and two other people in an act of childish retaliation. Chris recovered just in time for his birthday, producing a shameless display of self-praising by declaring the first annual [[Christian Love Day]]. Perhaps the biggest mystery revealed this month was the sudden appearance of [[Magical Man Potion|another human male]] entering Chris's [[room]], one of the more puzzling developments to come out of Chris for some time.

==March==
{{main|March 2010}}
[[File:Owllevel.jpg|thumb|left|On '''9 March''', Chris uploads a new ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level that inadvertently reveals the identity of [[The Wallflower]]]]

As March began, trolls showed concern over news that Chris's father, [[Bob]], had been hospitalized with congestive heart failure. Sadly, Chris showed no concern whatsoever, angering his [[fanbase]]. A few days later, Chris would, through his massive [[ego|narcissism]], reveal a name of his potential new [[sweetheart]] through a custom ''[[Little Big Planet|LBA]]'' level. Dedicated trolls would discover [[The Wallflower|her identity]], and one faggot would cause the [[gal-pal]] to cut ties with Chris and Chris himself discovering the [[CWCki]]. At that point, Chris began an all-out war against the [[Internet]], attacking his [[fans]] for wanting more ''Sonichu'' pages, attacking the CWCki, and especially attacking [[Surfshack Tito]], the troll who took credit for destroying the [[lulz]]. However, [[Rocky Shoemaker|an outside source]] would intervene with Chris and force him to once again announce he leaves the Internet forever. (36 hours after making this bold and bombastic claim, Chris returned with a new video to complain about [[TV]] and [[sex]].)

==April==
{{main|April 2010}}
[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|On '''5 April''', Chris's second [[The Hook Cafe]] ad is discovered]]

As April started, Chris's activity on the Internet was sporadic. However, trolls soon discovered an ad on [[The Hook Cafe]], discovering that Chris was back to his [[Love Quest]] on the Internet. During this time, Chris would meet and begin talking to a woman named [[Jackie]], who would become Chris's focus throughout the month. Having learned something from the previous incidents, Chris kept a low profile on her, which however did not prevent some highly-disturbing material to eventually leak to general public. During this time, he attempted to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]] in an attempt to lift his ban; the trolls hailed [[Michael Snyder]] as a hero when he kicked the anti-Semitic manchild out again. Chris would also work on CWCipedia a bit more, creating profiles for his characters and a page about all of his past sweethearts.

==May==
{{main|May 2010}}
[[File:MODNATION_2.JPG|thumb|left|On '''May 26''', Chris begs for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' bonuses]]

As May started, it seemed that things were going to be slow again, with a relative high point of smug Chris boasting that he had removed a "bug" allegedly planted by trolls in the [[PS3|life upgrade]]. However, he soon became severely depressed and blamed his problems of rejection by everyone on a conspiracy conceived against him by the [[Greene County]] School Board. By the end of the month, Mao opened up the CWCipedia to everyone. Chris attempted to revert their vandalism, but soon gave into stress and abandoned the website. Two series of [[e-mails]] are also leaked.

==June==
{{main|June 2010}}
[[File:GrayScaleChris.jpg|thumb|On '''30 June''', Chris looks for [[love]] on [[Flipnote Hatena]]]]

After Chris's fourth threat to leave the Internet, many fully expected that he would not keep to his word. The silence was however broken after Chris traveled to The GAMe PLACe with an autistic plan of revenge against Michael Snyder: long story short, Chris almost commits a [[Son-Chu|vehicular]] homicide while [[Alcohol|drunk]] and he's let off scot-free by the [[police]]. He then made a video addressing these events and announced that he's leaving the Internet. ([[Chris and hypocrisy|Again]]. [[Youtube Finale|For]] [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|the]] [[100 2188|fifth]] [[100 2189|time]].) Chris front then fell silent for nearly two weeks, until a field agent spotted Chris at the [[Fridays After Five]] event in [[Charlottesville]], continuing his Love Quest offline by acting [[pedofork|really creepy]] in public. Soon, trolls also discovered where Chris had disappeared off to online: the [[Flipnote Hatena]], a website created by [[Nintendo]] for users to share their amateur animations.

==July==
{{main|July 2010}}
[[Image:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|left|On '''9 July''', Chris continues stalking girls at [[Fridays After Five]]]]

July 2010 was another very quiet month. It began with Chris getting [[List_of places that have banned Chris|permabanned]] from Flipnote Hatena for constantly breaking the site's rules. For a time after that he emerged from the internets to enjoy the fruits of real life... by reverting back to the ancients ways of the [[attraction sign]]. He was spotted once at [[McIntire Park]] and twice at Fridays After Five. However, on 17 July he returned to [[Twitter]], telling [[trolls|his loyal fans]] that he's [[lie|working on the comic pages]]. On 24 July he also evaded his Flipnote Hatena ban and re-posted some of his removed flipnotes, suggesting that he bought another DSi just to use a children's website as his personal dating service.

==August==

{{main|August 2010}}

[[File:PostCar.JPG|thumb|On '''August 29''', the [[life upgrade]] goes GAME OVER, man]]

During the first half of August, Chris didn't give off any signs of life except for a brief sighting at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], kicking a stall of [[Hex Bawx]] games. It was suspected he spent his time playing [[video games]]. However, a phonecall to Bob Chandler was released, relieving some new info. He would then return on August 27 to post two videos, one concerning his upcoming high school reunion, and the other where Chris concedes to the trolls after reformatting his PS3, claiming [[fail|he did himself in]]. Two days later, he destroyed his [[PS3]], and to put it mildly, there was much rejoice.

==September==

{{main|September 2010}}

[[File:Niggocwc.jpg|thumb|left|On '''September 16''', Chris dresses as a [[niggo]]]]

Early in September, e-mail correspondence was leaked that provided some background on the destruction of the life upgrade. Quite predictably, Chris purchased another PS3 almost immediately. Jackie officially returned as a new sweetheart in Chris's life, who he tries to impress through new videos on YouTube. Also this month, a bunch of ancient documents dating back from 2008 and 2009 were released to the public by [[Clyde Cash]], followed by some more from early 2010, including the correspondence between Chris and his former alleged sweetheart, [[The Wallflower]]. Towards the end of the month, Chris officially kicked off his "anti troll movement".

==November==

Chris's [[high school]] reunion will take place on November 8.

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

To Jackie, with Love.MOV

2010-09-14T17:58:46Z

BanjoSplice:

{{quote|I love you... Come to me or [[Rape|I will come to you]]!|Chris confirming that he's a stalker.}}

'''To Jackie, with Love.MOV''' is the first of two videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 13 [[September 2010]]. In it, Chris declares his love for [[Jackie]] by showing her a slideshow (which seems to consist of a mix of scanned hand-drawn images and Little Big Planet builds) on his new [[PS3]] while Crash Test Dummies' "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" plays in the background.

Chris spends most of the video [[creepy stare|staring at the camera]]. He shares his vision of what their date will be like, which includes [[Family Guy|going to see a movie]], [[McDonalds|going to a fancy restaurant]], [[University of Virginia|taking a walk in the park]], and returning to his house for some good old [[sex|hanky panky]]. [[For My Sweetest Ivy|Hmmmm, sound familiar?]] He also mentions that she shouldn't leave him because it would take "well over a month" for him to forget about it and move on to the next [[sweetheart]].

Chris also reveals Jackie's last name, which [[The Wallflower|you'd think he'd have learned not to do.]] Moments later, he tells her: "Come to me, or [[Rape|I'll come to you,]]" which doesn't exactly sound romantic.

[[Chris and camerawork|To no one's surprise]], the lighting conditions in [[Chris's room]] make it all but impossible to see what is going on the screen.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = To Jackie, with Love.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HkpRvP-XucM}}
| stardate = 13 September 2010
| style = {{crazy|text}}
| subject = {{sex|text}}, {{galpals|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV]]
| next = [[XBox is OK.MOV]]
}}

== Transcript ==

[''Chris is standing in front of his television, holding a PS3 controller. He is displaying a slideshow on the TV and clicking through images throughout the video, many of them indistinguishable'']

This is for you, Jacklyn, my sweetheart! I want you so bad, you know, I need you. [''displays claw''] [[autism|You completely- you completely so- you completely s]] complete me so much. It's all so hard to explain, you get me so excited, you get me energized, [[Bunny Hop|I just wanna... JUMP!]] [''barely jumps, then bounces up and down''] I just wanna jump! [''throws hands in the air twice''] You get me so excited! Especially when I do things for you that you enjoy, that I helpcha do- I help it, uh, put together for you. It's just really awesome.

Besides, as said on my website, we're--we're so much matching in many things. And you know, I could do a lot of fancy things for our first date. Like, you know...[''gestures towards imperceptible drawing on the television''] Yeah, that's the first- that's the drawing right- that's a drawing right there. Hmm. I mean, yeah, sure, got a little... [''holds up controller''] gamey thingy here, but... you know what? It's a good way to project. Especially since I did the drawings firsthand by hand.

Anyway, for our first date, like I said, I would do it fancy but... I'm a [[autism|simple]] kind of guy, you know... li- you know, nice little dinner for two, maybe a m- maybe a movie, a walk in the park, that sort of thing. So my fancy day is just mostly simple, really.

[''gestures towards new indistinguishable image on the screen, then continues to flip through images''] And anyway, little bit more of you. I meet you at your- I meet you up at your place or where we decide to meet up... [''stammers''] and then we head on out for our lovely date. We go- we'n go- catcha- we'n go catcha... we can go catch a movie. Maybe go see a Disney flick... and then make out once we got here [''screen shows one of the few interpretable images; her and Chris kissing. He still draws himself as a blob in a polo shirt'']. Or we could go to an amusement park if there is one, and ride the rollercoaster! ''Psshhhhhewww!'' [''flails hand in the air and makes a stupid face''] Ride the ferris wheel... um, we're together, enjoying it.

And then we go to... restaurant, uh, depending on whether, uh, what can- what we can or where we would feel like going, would it be fancy, or, uh...[[McDonald's|inexpensive]]. [''gestures towards images on screen''] But this one was fancy, the one I put together for the first date here. Anyway, we just enjoy each other's company, and the food. It can be candlelit... because that is part of the fancy. But we're just gazing into each other's eyes lovingly, there's hearts between us. [''creepy smile'']

And then you just, you just grace me on the way- on our way to the park, where we can enjoy- [''stammers''] we can slide down the slide, I can push you on the swing, or just sit on the grass or whatever, enjoy the moonlight... MAGIC moonlight. Sit by a tree and mmmmake out.

And then when it comes to like- it comes to uh, the apex of our evening, I can pick you up to our car, the- take you back home! And then if you want to, we can go back in there and really m- and really [[sex|make love]]...[''points and raises arm heroically''] I'll wear protection! Because I [[love]] you and I care about you very much. More than anything. [''suddenly shouting''] I need you! I need you, Jacklyn! I don't ever want you to leave me! I need you! I want you! So much!

[''normal tone resumes''] I don't ever want you to leave me, 'cause if you leave me now, you'd just leave me very sad. It'd be so much heartbreak, I'd be torn- I would be... down for... well over a month. I don't even want to think about it. Don't even wanna think about it.

[''shouting again''] But I love you, Jackie! I LOVE YOU! I love you, Jacklyn Romley! Come to me, [[Chris_and_rape|or I will come to you!]] And we will enjoy- and we will dance the night away... or hang the day away, and see where it goes from there. [''points at nothing'']

You make me jump. You make me jump! [''throws arms in the air and then slaps them to his torso''] I love you so much! [''another torso slap''] Can't stand it. I really can't stand it.

[''pauses for 6 full seconds and stares blankly'']

Nothing's gonna come between us, sweetheart. It's you and me forever. I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV]]|nextlink=[[XBox is OK.MOV]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

XBox is OK.MOV

2010-09-13T23:03:23Z

BanjoSplice:

{{quote|I have no...I have no hate... I have little... [[Chris and anger|I have no hatred or anger]] towards the [[Homos|gay men]]. None at all. No questions, straight forward. I'm cool with...I'm cool with you gays, you know?|Chris [[List of Chris's lies|lying]] to impress [[china]]}}

'''XBox is OK.MOV''' is the second of two videos Chris uploaded on 13 [[September 2010]]. In it, Chris makes various declarations including a recanting of his [[Hex Box|Xbox]] hatred, stating that he has nothing against the [[homos|gay men]], and removing any [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] he placed. Chris appears to be trying to clear his name, perhaps to demonstrate to a certain [[Jackie|sweetheart]] that he has changed his ways.

It is unclear why Chris has had a change of heart over the Xbox. Having shown his first PS3 no love by [[The MovingForward videos|destroying it]], it only took Chris a matter of days to purchase a new one. This new PS3 appears in the video, and is used in the first video Chris uploaded earlier the same day. It is not yet known if Chris has also purchased a new Xbox.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = XBox is OK.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hVHNdHEz0hM}}
| stardate = 13 September 2010
| style = {{smug|text}}, {{reason|text}}
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

== Transcript ==

[[Captain's Log]]. Stardate September 13, 2010.

I am making this video to make a public statement.

I no longer have any angst or hatred or anything, any beef, against the XBox. [''Indicates his shelves. No Xbox is visible''] It is a good console, a very good console, prob-a about equally good as a PS3, cannot play BlueRay, But! It is still a good console and is just another gaming console. Just like...you know, I guess, PS...a PS3 is another gaming console, another Wii, or a Wii is another gaming console.

[''Turns to his TV''] And you notice that there's a depreciation in the number of gaming consoles in the center because, the gaming edition is gooone! I... [''loses train of thought momentarily''] I have gotten rid of the hoarded systems - [[List of Chris's games|systems and games]] that have been, I have hoarded for a number of years.

And also, I would like to make another statement. [''Looks away from the camera''] I have no...I have no hate... I have little... I have [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|no hatred or anger]] towards the gay men. None at all. No questions, straight forward. [''Chris looks visibly insincere''] I'm cool with...[[It's UGH!|I'm cool with you gays]], you know? You go do what you want to do, just you know, keep it to yourselves. That's all. We're all equal people. We have every right to live our lives free however...each, however each of us individually chooses. So there.

[''pauses and shifts positioning'']

[''mumbles''] Uh, let's see that was another thing...another thing. Hmm.

Anyway that's, uh, that's essentially it. Oh yes I just remembered the other thing. [''Holds up a hand in forgiveness blessing fashion''] I remove ALL hexes and curses to every single person I have ever...around the world that I have ever left a curse on. So consider yourselves [wave of his arm] cleansed! You're all forgiven. Every last one of you. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness!]]

And with that I bid you a good day and a safe one too, all of you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[To Jackie, with Love.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

4-cent garbage.com

2010-09-09T16:12:10Z

BanjoSplice:

{{DISPLAYTITLE:4-cent_garbage.com}}

[[Image:4-cent garbage.png|thumb|INTERNET AUTISTIC HATE MACHINE]]

==Inspiration==

'''4-cent_garbage.com''' is Chris's representation of [[ED]] and [[4chan]]. This is the closest Chris has ever made it to creating an actual [[parody]]. The name is a slight mystery, because underscores (_) are not permitted in Internet domain names. Chris blames ED for [[Megan Saga|breaking up the closest thing to a relationship that he ever had]], so naturally he must demonize it in his comics.

In [[2007]], while innocently stroking his [[duck|ego]], Chris discovered [[ED]]’s page satirizing him and his comic. What really [[Family Guy|ground his gears]] about the page was the “fan art” of Rosechu with a [[pickle|penis]]. Chris then embarked on a quest to make the website less scathing by uploading hideously drawn [[rule 34]] of his little abominations (and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]), along with the infamous [[shecameforcwc.jpg]] to his page.

Due to the anonymous nature of 4chan, it isn't as simple to find out when he first discovered the site, but his first known acknowledgment of the site was in a comment on [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#November 2007|the 12th of November, 2007]], in which Chris addressed "ED and 4chan", informing them both that he would continue to flood his ED page with Honest Content until the page was taken down. From this, it can be assumed that, not only did Chris discover 4chan around the same time as he discovered ED, but he also considers the two sites to be a singular force or entity, much as he considers "God and Jesus" to be a single force, which explains why the two were combined into 4-cent_garbage.com in Sonichu canon.

==In Sonichu Canon==

[[Image:4-CENT-GARBAGE.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and his super cool pals in front of the 4-CENT_GARBAGE headquarters]]

In [[Sonichu 8]], Rosechu discovers 4-cent_garbage and its page that slanders Sonichu, Chris, and her, along with “lifelike” drawings of Rosechu with a [[pickle]]. Rosechu then crawls into her [[April 16 Fetish Vids|dirty, mildew laden bathroom]] and takes pictures of herself in the nude, then uploads them onto the 4-cent website, an attempt which proved futile in countering the abundance of dickgirl images. It's true what they say about how art imitates life.

[[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Wild]] go to their headquarters to attack [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the leader of 4-cent_garbage, and fail. And who said life doesn't imitate art? Rosechu also facerapes Mr. Howell for [[women's rights]] in the 4-cent building.

This volume shows that 4-cent employees can be either people or demons, and [[alcohol]] is actually allowed at the work place: it being a well-known fact that [[Chris's Big Night Out|only evil people drink]]. Their headquarters have the color red all over the walls, and consists of 72 floors (or 66+6, because THEY'RE EVIL). Each of these floors contains either [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|cartoon porn]] or [[niggos|racist]] humor about [[Barack Obama]].

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris, finally out of the [[Time Void]], sets plans into motion to destroy the building. Arriving there, Chris is first attacked by Jason, who traps Chris as Chris-Chan Sonichu and has [[Beel]] steal Chris's medallion, only to learn it's his ring that's the source of his powers. Later, Chris uses [[Guitar Hero]] to play a song where Chris complains about the state of the [[Power Rangers]] to murder every living thing on the property by destroying the building, narrowly avoiding getting the blood of [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] on his hands by their mutual suicide. Meanwhile, Jason escapes before retiring, and Beel just escapes. Only 100 of the people out of the 1,000 inside were killed while 250 were injured. Of course, it's all perfectly okay because Chris '''shed tears''' over it.
{{-}}
==See also==
*''[[Sonichu 8]]''
*''[[Sonichu 10]]''
*''[[ED]]''

== External links ==
*[http://www.4Chan.org/ 4chan]
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.org/ Encyclopedia Dramatica]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Comic]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Pokémon

2010-09-07T15:55:00Z

BanjoSplice:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Satoshi tajiri.jpg|thumb|[[Aspergers|Aspie]] creator of the series, Satoshi Tajiri. Unlike Chris, he actually did something with his life.]]

'''''Pokémon''''' (or Pok'emon, according to Chris) is one of [[Nintendo]]'s greatest creations, a Japanese cultural phenomenon that is beloved by children around the world, and a billion dollar multimedia franchise encompassing [[video games]], [[card games]], toys, an [[anime]] series, and much, much more.

Yet it only took [[Christian Weston Chandler|one autistic manchild]] to forever ruin it for an entire generation.

==Chris-chan in the Pokémon world==
Chris, according to the [[Sonichu]] article in [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu CWCipedia], sees himself as an official Pokémon gym leader. He claims to have over 387 Pokémon leveled-up to level 100 on his ''Pokémon Diamond'' game, all of them being trained without any kind of cheating or rare candies. It's not certain whether this is truth or more of his [[autistic]] imagination. However, given the fact he owns [[List of Chris's games|every Pokémon game]] and game system, has no life at all, and has paid off several mortgages in [[Animal Crossing]], it may very well be true. Who knows? All it takes is a load of time, and Lord knows Chris's [[Mass debating|time isn't going to anything good]].

It should be noted that the Generation IV games such as ''Diamond'', ''Pearl'', ''Platinum'', ''HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'' feature 493 Pokémon, something that should be common knowledge to anyone claiming to have achieved what Chris has, making his "collection" far from complete. To make matters worse, the recently-announced fifth generation games, ''[[Niggos|Black]]'' and ''White'', will introduce at least a hundred more.

TL;DR - He's a fucking deluded moron.

As the leader of the [[CWCville]] Pokémon Gym, Chris has a fairly unimaginative team:
:* [[Sonichu]], a [[Parody|Recolor]]
:* [[Anime|Inuyasha]], a [[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]
:* [[Gregg Mays|Greg]], a [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]
:* [[Chris and his Ego|Christina]], a [[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]]
:* [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]], a [[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] (who many people seem to have a fetish for, [[Chris and sex|possibly including Chris]]...)
:* [[Random-access humor|Bagoner]], a [[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]]

==Pokémon characters appearing in ''Sonichu'' comics==

===[[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]]===

Transformed into [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in [[Sonichu 0]]. Despite the importance to Sonichu lore, this is basically the only time a Pikachu appears or is mentioned in the comic. From this point on, it's all just shitty recolors of Chris's first shitty recolor.

===[[Wikipedia:Raichu|Raichu]]===

Transformed into [[Rosechu]] by the [[Rainbow]], in Sonichu 0.

===[[Wikipedia:Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]]===

A Dragonite Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]" even for her loose, gaping [[China]], and suggesting Kel [[Patti-Chan|have sex with him herself]]. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will [[Chris and writing#Kudzu plot|never know]].

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0]] (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created [[Simonla|gender-benders]] before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a [[lesbian]] relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

===[[Wikipedia:Zapdos|Zapdos]]===
[[Image:Zapdos.jpg|thumb|Zapdos is not amused with Chris's faggotry.]]
An electric type [[Pokémon]] and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of [[Black Sonichu]].

===[[Wikipedia:Raikou|Raikou]]===

Used by Naitsirhc as a getaway ride in the same episode.

===[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]===
[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|right|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu. [[Chris and art|We think]].]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In [[Sonichu 8]], Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a [[fail|failure]] to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

===[[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]===
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.

===[[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]===

A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

=== [[Wikipedia:Wailord|Boulder-Dropping Whale]] ===
[[Image:Boulder_Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised [[Bubbles Rosechu]], and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Originally identified as a common whale in the [[Audiobooks]], Chris stated in [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|a blog in January 2010]] that it is a Wailord, a [[Pokémon]] that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8]] which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite.

Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his [[Moon-Pals]] '''Bill''', '''Metal Sonichu''', and '''[[Yawning Squirtle]]''', getting high as fuck.

=== [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]]===
[[Image:Mewtwo.JPG|thumb|right|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokemon team. It can be assumed that this is the same one.
{{clear}}

=== [[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]===
[[File:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|A wild [[Barb|Snorlax]] in repose]]
A Snorlax briefly appeared in Christian's 'Backyard Safari' [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1500 pounds]] and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Chris and hypocrisy|How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops]].

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

===[[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]===
Served as inspiration for [[Jiggliami]], an "original" character created by [[Blanca]]. Appeared in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]] and [[Sonichu 8|#8]].

===[[Yawning Squirtle|Squirtle]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Mudkip|Mudkip]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Seadra|Seadra]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Corsola|Corsola]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Octillery|Octillery]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Mantine|Mantine]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Corphish|Corphish]]===
Appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of Sonichu 8.

===[[Wikipedia:Flaaffy|Flaaffy]]===
Appears as [[Layla Flaaffy]] in [[Sonichu 9]].

===[[Wikipedia:Sneasel|Sneasel]]===
Appears as [[Reginald Sneasel]] in Sonichu 9.

===[[Wikipedia:Nidoking|Nidoking]]===
Used by Naitsirhc to battle [[Bionic]] in Sonichu 9.

===[[Wikipedia:Voltorb|Voltorb]]===
Used by Alec Benson Leary to murder [[Simonla Rosechu]] via Explosion in [[Sonichu 10]].

Theoretically all of the [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] are Pokémon as well, but there's very little to support this theory. None of them rely on trainers, and in fact as far as can be seen they're essentially treated as "human" in CWCville. As Sonees and Roseys, they hatch from eggs and "evolve" into their adult forms, but the similarities end there. Only two of them ([[BlazeBob Sonichu]] and [[Chloe Rosechu]]) have ever been put into a Pokéball. The closest they get before then is a bizarre inversion when [[Wild Sonichu]] puts two of the [[Sonichu Balls]] (which look like Pokéballs) into his arms. Also, as individual species, Pokémon don't have the vast varieties of powers and appearances that Sonichus and Rosechus have. Finally, Pokémon can only know 4 moves at a time, whereas Sonichu and company seem to simply have whatever abilities would be convenient at any given moment. Even the ''Pokémon'' anime, which prefers to use the gameplay mechanics as a general rule instead of a physical law, has Pokémon know no more than four moves at once and doesn't have Pokémon use moves that they cannot learn in-game (well, most of the time, but they're usually reasonable mistakes). However, like most of Chris's creations, Sonichus and Rosechus are essentially just Mary Sues, so the fact they can rebel against established Pokémon rules is not altogether surprising.

It should also be noted that Chris will, unsurprisingly, ignore the logic of "Super Effective" unless it suits him. In the games, attacks will have their base power doubled or halved (or nullified altogether) if the opposing Pokémon is weak or resistant to the type of the attack used. This enables weak Pokémon to bring down opponents several levels higher than they; so long as they're weak to their attacks, they'll go down faster. The anime prefers to ignore this rule, and if it's ever invoked, it's done to show how tough a particular Pokémon is. With Chris, though, it's just him being stupid.

==Plagiarism in Sonichu==

Despite the fact that Chris primarily uses Pokémon in his series, not only is he not above using the characters, he's also not above using various ''ideas'' from the series. Amongst those include:

*In [[Sonichu 2|Issue 2]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] says that he "could use some pants". This is ripped off from ''Pokémon the Movie 2000'' when the Pokémon Slowking, freezing due to the weather changes, wishes for a pair to keep himself warm.
*Despite "not being a Pokémon," Flame uses Pokémon attacks in his one notable appearance. Speculation abounds, but it could be that Chris assumes that "Pokémon rules" apply to all intelligent mystical animals the way anyone with a guitar can pull off solo specials from [[Brutal Legend]].
*In [[Sonichu Special 4]], [[Kacey]]'s sister resembles Candice, one of the 4th Generation Gym Leaders.
*In the biography for [[Rosechu]], it is mentioned that [[Kel]] ended up getting the Pichu who'd become Rosechu because she missed out on getting Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle. This is a ripoff of how Ash Ketchum got Pikachu, except for the fact that Ash and Pikachu didn't hit it off until Pikachu saw how far Ash would go to protect it.
*In [[Sonichu 9]], Sonichu inexplicably knows Iron Tail, a Steel-type attack, for use on the Rock/Ground Type Liquid (Steel is super-effective against Rock). This is stolen, again, from Pikachu, who learned the same move so the writers could let Ash battle Roxanne(and other Rock types) without breaking the rules of the game and pissing off fans. The difference is that leading up to the battle, an episode was spent to show Pikachu learning the move. It is to be noted that in the video games, Pikachu is able to learn this move through the use of an item.

==Plagiarism ''of'' Sonichu?==
{{main|List of cards from The Wall of Originals}}

[[Image:CWCpokeymanz.png|thumb]]

Despite Chris's complete lack of originality when it comes to the [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] [[Rosechu (species)|characters]], there are several Pokémon on the [[Wall of Originals]] that closely resemble actual Pokémon introduced in ''Ruby'', ''Sapphire'', ''Diamond'', and ''Pearl'' versions. What makes this interesting is that these cards were created in the early 2000's, predating the Japanese release of Ruby and Sapphire by at least one year, and Diamond and Pearl by at least five years. However, much like Chris's "idea" of putting [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Sonic games on Nintendo consoles]], it is much more likely that the Pokémon's resemblances to Chris's abominations are a coincidence. At least, we can only hope so...

==See also==
*[[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|Pokémon TCG]]
*[[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
*The [[PokeWalker of Fail]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]

[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]

McDonald's

2010-09-03T04:17:21Z

BanjoSplice:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|I don't go to McDonald's often, maybe 2 or 3 times a week.|Chris}}

[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|A typical visit to McDonald's]]

'''[[Wikipedia:McDonald's|McDonald's]]''' is [[CWC|Chris's]] restaurant of choice. Chris's ideal first [[dating|date]] would take place here. His favorite items are Chicken McNuggets and the $1 sweet tea.

Chris met the real life [[B-Manajerk]] in a Wal-Mart McDonald's.

Based on reports from [[Ivy]] in [[Mumble]] on 28 March [[2009]], Chris's preference for McDonald's is symbolic of his conflict with [[Bob Chandler|his dad]], who prefers Burger King.

===Possible cause for health problems===
[[Image:RonaldWTF.png|thumb|Ronald McDonald reading [[Sonichu]].]]
Chris's [[Chris and health|inactive lifestyle and constant consumption of McDonald's]] may contribute to his growing [[obesity]], as well as his high cholesterol. The number of times Chris claims to eat food from McDonald's, two or three times a week, is equivalent to going about 130 times a year. At this rate of consumption, Chris will likely develop serious medical problems. It's possible that he might develop heart disease or type 2 diabetes in the near future if he continues to live the way he does. The likelihood of him passing away before the age of 50 due to heart attack or stroke increases each month. It also doesn't help that he doesn't seem to realize just how bad fast food is. He mentioned once that ordering a chicken salad is healthier, which is a common misconception. Salads at most restaurants, especially fast food chains, come with high-calorie dressing and fried chicken or taco filling, which makes the salad worse than a hamburger; also, the chicken is most likely pumped with hormones before being slaughtered, processed, and shipped. Let's not forget to mention that he drinks the sweet tea, which likely also contains high-fructose corn syrup, and he probably eats french fries with his meals.

==Conflict with Kacey==
During Chris's abortive attempt to win over [[Kacey]] as his [[sweetheart]], at her behest he made a feeble effort to clean up his act as far as exercise and eating right. One of Kacey's particular demands was that Chris quit eating fast food, an expectation he almost entirely failed to live up to. During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey and her father]], he claimed to have cut down to one McDonald's trip per week at best, and even that was unquestionably a lie.

Since Kacey's marriage to [[Liquid Chris]] in mid-November 2009, the McNuggets have almost certainly resumed their steady march down Chris's bottomless gullet.

==In the comics==
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|"Have some fistfull fries!"]]
* There is a McDonald's in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
* [[Sub-Episodes]] [[Sub-Episode_4#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|4]] and [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_5:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack_part_2.22|5]] take place in "the city of M-C-Dville, of the region of [[Mal-Wart]]."
* A McDonald's ripoff, CWCee Dees (pronounced like "Quicky Dee's") appears in [[Sonichu 9]], where it seems to be a popular place to go on a date. [[Punchy]] took [[Layla]] there on their first date.

==McDonald's Monopoly 2009==
Chris has been stuffing his fat fucking face full of this shit since the Monopoly 2009 promotion started. He claimed to not care about it in a [[Brutal Legend Plus|video]], only to [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Results|create more accounts later and enter 65 codes from purchased goods]].

===Account 1 (October 6 - October 20)===
52 codes (43 of them from purchased things)

*52. St. Charles Place
*51. Oriental Avenue
*50. Baltic Avenue
*49. Park Place
*48. Marvin Gardens

===Account 2 (October 21)===
11 codes (10 of them from purchased things)

*11. Park Place
*10. North Carolina Avenue
*9. Illinois Avenue
*8. Community Chest (2)
*7. Oriental Avenue

===Account 3 (October 22 - October 23)===
7 codes (6 of them from purchased things)

*7. Park Place
*6. Community Chest (3)
*5. Illinois Avenue
*4. New York Avenue
*3. Electric Company

===Account 4 (October 23 - October 28)===
8 codes (6 from purchased things)

*8. Reading Railroad
*7. Luxury Tax
*6. North Carolina Avenue
*5. B. & O. Railroad
*4. Pennsylvania Railroad

{{Lists}}

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Places]]

Barbara Chandler

2010-08-16T15:59:59Z

BanjoSplice:

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}

{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the [[Internet]].|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}

{{quote|I ain't got no [[black]] ass! You get your gutter ass down in the gutter and shut up!|Barbara, during a [[Prank_calls|prank call]]}}

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|300px|Barbara holding [[Desi Chandler|Desi]]; ignorant of the book to her left]]

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the wife of [[Bob Chandler]] and terrible mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Appearance==

[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction]]

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''Snorlax''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article for some strange reason.

==Cole and his possible fathers==

[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]]]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother Cole in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.<ref name="email07-03-06p1">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to date guys who curse a lot, and obsesses over them". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
{{-}}

==Marriage with Bob==

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker. Too bad physical appearance is genetic]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

Instead of accepting that their marriage isn't what it used to be, that they have different goals for their son in life and move on like any other healthy human being, she is either too lazy, poor, and/or unwilling to explain to Chris the intricacies of a divorce and its effect on a family dynamic, thereby putting herself in the inescapable rut she is in today.
{{-}}

==Pampering of Chris==

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his Oedipus complex ([[Mumble 10]])}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment]]

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}} This behavior extends to Bob to some degree as well, as she spends most of the [[Matthew Noble call]] denying that Bob was yelling at anyone.

Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].

She is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years.

While having a special needs child is a major [[stress|stressor]] in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.

==Recent health problems==

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.{{cite}} Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref>[[9 October 2009]]</ref>

==In the comics==

[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Christ gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son]]

Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in ''[[Sonichu 0]]''.

==Audio appearances==

* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* [[Matthew Noble call]]: In her longest audio contact to date, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.

==Video appearances==

Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Beavis and Butt-head

2010-07-21T19:49:30Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image: SchuComic8Page27.jpg|thumb|200px|"Apologes [sic] to Mike Judge." Yeah, that makes it all better, Chris.]]

'''''Beavis and Butt-head''''' was a classic animated series created by Mike Judge for [[Wikipedia:MTV|MTV]] that aired from March 8, 1993, to November 28, 1997, right in the middle of Chris's childhood.

The show revolved around the pathetic lives of its unfortunately named titular characters, a pair of fifteen-year-old idiots. When the boys aren't slacking off and watching TV, they often wander around their small hometown, concocting ridiculous get-rich-quick schemes or trying to [[Virgin with rage|lose their virginity]]. In other words, they're like [[Chris]], only younger, employed and without the video game obsession. Also, at least Beavis and Butt-head [[Homo|have each other]].

[[Image:Beavis&buttheadreaction.png|thumb|right|Beavis and Butthead's reaction to Chris's copying and bastardizing their joke.]]

Chris appears to be a fan of the show (being a show from the 90s), as he blatantly [[Parody|copied]] an entire scene from one episode for ''[[Sonichu 7]]''. The point of the cameo was to mock Chris's memories of creating [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] in 1996. Chris recalls Bionic emerging from a locker in his imagination, so this leads him to the "[[Random-access humor|hilarious]]" idea of having Beavis and Butt-head slam the empty locker shut, like they did in that one episode.
{{stub}}
{{clear}}
==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Random-access humor]]

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Patti-Chan

2010-07-21T19:35:34Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:Patti.jpg|thumb|One lucky dog?]]
[[Image:Aceofcloves.jpg|left|thumb|Chris's shit story about Patti. Also, note that Chris traced Megan's artwork on upper-left corner.]]

'''Patti-Chan''' is a fictional character based on Chris's beloved dog [[Patti]], who died in [[2006]]. The lead story of ''[[Sonichu 6]]'' was a tribute to Patti. Allowed no rest even in death, the poor creature has been reborn as an anthropomorphic dog-woman, and now wanders the city of [[CWCville]].

The development of the character is indicative of [[Chris and death|Chris's immature reaction to death]].

==Fictional character biography==

[[Image:Megan_ace_of_clubs.JPG|thumb|[[Megan|Megan's]] original design of Patti-Chan, AKA "Ace of Clubs"]]
[[Image:087-PattiAceOfCloves.jpg|thumb|Craptastic copy, AKA "Ace of '''Cloves'''"... HAHA GET IT?!]]

A [[Wikipedia:Beagle|beagle]]/[[Wikipedia:Spitz|spitz]] mix, Patti was born on St. Patrick's Day in [[1980s#1988|1988]] and was Chris's faithful dog for the next 18 years. By June [[2006]], Patti was not as energetic as she had once been, and her ass itched. One night while howling at [[The Moon|the fucking moon]], Patti was distracted by a bright star, and considered her desire to walk upright and express to Chris in human language her appreciation for his companionship. Following this, Patti ate grass in the yard, unwittingly catching a four-leaf clover in her mouth, and went to sleep.

The following day, when Christian awoke Patti, she discovered that her wish had been granted, and she had been transformed into a rejuvenated, vital, humanoid creature. Later in the day, Patti expressed a desire to leave her home to roam freely. Taking into account Patti's somewhat alien nature, Chris decided to take her to [[CWCville]] via the magic portal in his bedroom, where she would be accepted as an ordinary citizen. After giving Patti a tour of his [[CWCville Mayoral Office|mayoral office]] and introducing her to [[Allison Amber]], Chris gave her a cell phone and credit card to provide for her needs.

Sometime later, Patti would meet the people of CWCville, most notably [[Rosechu]]. She then joined the ranks of CWCville's heroic defenders, joining [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[Megagi]], and [[Sailor Megtune]] in reinforcing Christian and the [[Chaotic Combo]] against [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Following this battle, the assembled heroes convened at Chris's office, where Patti argued that Chris is sweet at heart and isn't jealous of anything. [[Punchy]] challenged the objectivity of Patti's opinion, on the grounds that Chris's dog is predisposed to see the best in him.

During the quest to rescue Crystal by obtaining the seven [[Sonichu Balls]], Patti observed that they had obtained four of the balls while two others were trapped with Chris in the [[Time_Void|time void]], and wished for his safe return.

Later she also participated in the [[Sonichu 10]] executions, being one of those who killed [[Alec]].

==Ace of Clubs==
As seen in the [[Scrapbook of Fail]], near the [[Megan Shrine]], there is a hand-drawn sketch of what appears to be Patti-Chan, labeled the Ace of Clubs. It reads "When Patti comes into contact w/ anything Irish or eats clovers she morphs into the Ace of Clubs." It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Chris stole [[Megan|Megan's]] character design, adding to the cast of stolen characters, which includes [[Megagi]] and [[Jiggliami]].

In a short story, Chris refers to Patti as the "Ace of Cloves", because he's apparently too stupid to realize that the Clubs in a pack of cards already look like clovers, which this was a play on. Chris has an odd tendency to rename the things he steals from [[Megan|friends]], [[Evan|"fans"]], and [[Ivy|loved ones]]. Whether this is because he wants to maintain some degree of originality or if he just honestly thinks his minor changes actually improve the character isn't certain.

==What's wrong with this==

Leaving aside Chris's (major) [[Chris and death|issues with death]], the character of Patti-Chan is disturbing for a large number of reasons. First, she's not so much a character as a mouthpiece for Chris to talk about how great he is. The same can be said of all his creations, of course, but Patti is based on an actual living creature, one that Chris is closer to than he is most people — and what about her personality do we get apart from how much she loves her master? Soon after the transformation, Chris decides that she now needs clothes, and proceeds to dress her up in the sluttiest gear imaginable. Since she didn't have any visible anatomy to speak of, all this does is [[Chris and Sex|sexualize her]]. This further illustrates how Chris sees [[IRC (23 July 2009)|every single woman]] he's ever met first and foremost as a [[Rosechu|sex object]]. Never mind the fact that the woman in question is a dog, or [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|like a sibling]] to him. Patti-chan is a sickening mix of lust object and Christian's complete inability to accept reality.

'''TL;DR:''' Even when Chris is trying to do something nice, it's self-serving and repulsive.

==See also==
* [[Patti Chandler]] - Patti IRL version (now [[Chris and death|deceased]])

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Twitter

2010-07-21T19:10:25Z

BanjoSplice:

__NOTOC__{{protip|Yes, Chris really does have a Twitter. Maybe if you paid more attention to [[da update]] you'd know.}}

{{quote|NO TWITTER ALLOWED!!!|Chris's initial reaction}}
{{quote|...I have later decided to go into the Twitter Fad and add a small Feed under the C-Log Box.|Chris [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|after a change of heart]]}}
{{quote|SHUT UP!|Chris's first tweet tells us exactly what he really thinks}}
[[Image:CWCTwitter.jpg|thumb|right|"'''Short''', '''timely''' messages from Christian W Chandler": Twitter marketing department's biggest inadvertent lie]]
'''Twitter''' is a popular social networking and microblogging service where people can post messages that are up to 140 characters in length. While it has had its uses, it is frequently described as a pointless fad, and if even ''Chris'' calls it a fad, perhaps there is something to this claim.

Chris apparently has no idea why Twitter was designed the way it is designed. Most of the time, he acts as if Twitter is just a normal blog that somehow splits the messages into 140 character chunks. It's almost impossible to read his updates, which obviously makes following and replying to him hard.

== History ==

Chris was inspired to register his own Twitter account, [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu CWCSonichu], when the [[CWCipedia]] administrator insisted on adding [http://twitter.com/#search?q=-RT%20sonichu a live Sonichu Twitter feed] on the CWCipedia [[Mailbag]] page, and later the CWCipedia front page. This feed picked up all mentions of the word "Sonichu" (hence Chris's use of the prefix "C.C. Sonichu says:"), to provide the loyal fanbase ''real-time'' coverage of their favorite comic and game hero and reactions to his weird antics from other fans. The CWCipedia sysop, in their infinite wisdom, elected to allow arbitrary, unmoderated comments from ''all'' fans to appear on the front page, to fully leverage the power of Web 2.0, user-created content, reader participation and all that modern nonsense.

Careful readers may start to notice that there's a slight conflict in this: Chris has stated many times that he wants to be in complete control over CWCipedia. In a development that surprised no one, the live feed was promptly overrun by trolls. Chris was furious, and was compelled to write his own updates to drown out all of the [[homos|gay allegations]] and other [[pickle]]-related activity that was going on on his web page.

However, as it is with all of the other things in this world, Chris's focus on Twitter has waned over time. In [[May 2010]], the live Twitter feed was removed from CWCipedia, because apparently certain trolls failed to notice that Chris quit paying attention to his own web page and ''(*ahem*)'' the [[Fan:CWCville Twitter|activities]] of the trolls in the Twitter feed started to make Chris look positive in comparison.

== Subscriptions ==

Chris followed 30 people and groups, all of them related to gaming. Among these are...

* ''...relevant information on [[PS3|Life Upgrades]]:'' PlayStation, ps3fanboy, PS3_Trophies
* ''...accounts related to [[LittleBigPlanet|the sweetest non-Chinese hobby of all]]:'' Media_Molecule, LittleBigPlanet, LittleBIGFan, SackBoy4Pluto, Mm_Sackgirl
* ''...respectable, reliable and impartial game journalists and media:'' Veronica <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[10 September 2009|Veronica Belmont]]<nowiki>]</nowiki>, Qore, GamesRadar, GameTrailers, gamespot, IGN, g4tv, GamePro, xplay, gamenewsps3 <nowiki>[G4]</nowiki>, gameinformer
* ''...game houses which produce games that Chris may play, if properly baited away from LittleBigPlanet-related activities:'' Naughty_Dog, insomniacgames, SEGA, EA, Ubisoft, CriterionGames, NISAmerica <nowiki>[Nippon Ichi Software]</nowiki>, RockBand, namcogames
* ''...[[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] sailing destinations:'' amazongames
* ''...events which Chris doesn't attend:'' Official_PAX

Noticeably, Veronica Belmont (a video game show host and also, omg, a female) is the only real person among these subscriptions. This does wonders to dispel rumors that Chris is a living video game geek stereotype and hence beyond merely undateable.

== Chris's Twitter ramblings ==

=== 27 December 2009 ===

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
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| SHUT UP!
| 03:26 UTC
|-
| I, Christian Weston Chandler, DO NOT SUPPORT GAY LIFE WHATSOEVER!
| 03:27 UTC
|-
| Listen to me, Clyde Cash and Jack Thadius are BOTH GOD DAMN TROLLS! DO NOT LISTEN TO EITHER OF THEM!
| 03:27 UTC
|-
|}

These precede the "test" the following day, and don't have the "C.C. Sonichu says:" prefix. Apparently, at the time, Chris was confused on how the Twitter feed works and [[Honor Roll|had to be told explicitly by the Management how to work this thing]].

=== 28 December 2009 ===

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: This is a test for the Twitter Feed on the Cwcipedia.
| 17:49 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I apologize for uploading late; fell asleep early; plan to adjust upload time accordingly; it's all cool.
| 17:56 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I will answer [[mailbag]] later today; had to shovel snow; have more chores to do; stay safe, well and straight.
| 17:57 UTC
|-
|}

=== 29 December 2009 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have just replied to the set of letters in the [[Mailbag 23|23rd mailbag]]; I detest the homos and all people who continue to lable me
| 00:58 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I, Christian Weston Chandler, am Straight, and I will remain as such FOREVER; Quit Mislabeling ME and my characters!
| 01:00 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I am very sick and tired having to deal with any letters and discussions from people who are GROSSLY In Error on the fact
| 01:01 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu Says: I had to CORRECT one whole letter, sending the wrong original into the Reject Mailbag. DO NOT MAKE ME HAVE TO DEAL...
| 01:02 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...WITH THAT GOD DAMN CRAP!
| 01:02 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: *taking deep breaths*
| 01:03 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I'm going to answer the Common Questions now; afterwards, if you have any questions, you may check for it being answered
| 01:04 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: And if your question is not there, then you may ask it in your letter; I do not like to repeat myself, that is my...
| 01:05 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...Father's Job; repeating himself in speech. UGH!!!!
| 01:05 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I've just finished the Common Questions. To answer a Tweeted Question, Minute Maid Lemonade or Coca Cola.
| 01:34 UTC
|-
|}

Chris actually spelled out "*taking deep breaths*". While people sometimes explain in text-based media what they're doing in response to comments, and describe how they're feeling, this comes across as explaining things a bit too literally. Instead of drawing attention to his anger, he draws attention to the fluid dynamics of his body.

=== 30 December 2009 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: Recent Cwcipedia Updates: Answered two mailbags; Started Community Link List; Adjusting schedule for [[biological clock]] fix
| 01:55 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I am coloring in the current pair of pages; one of which along with a few future pages will have real-life me within...
| 21:38 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: After coloring is completed, I will log in, answer more letters and a couple of other updates. Thank you for paitience.
| 21:41 UTC
|-
|}

=== 31 December 2009 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
! Time
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I am up-to-date now on all of the mailbags; I also added a new featured video I feel teaches a most important lesson.
| 03:18 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I have completed and uploaded two new pages for [[Sonichu 10|Book 10]]; I will answer another mailbag later this afternoon...
| 17:04 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: NO ADVERTISEMENTS ARE ALLOWED IN THE INTRODUCTION BOX, and as Captain of this Cwcipedia, I will be respetected.
| 17:06 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I answered another mailbag; I answered more [[Common Questions]] for the F.A.Q.; feeling tired, will rest then start next...
| 23:23 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...pages.
| 23:23 UTC
|-
|}

=== 02 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have completed my updates for the day; 2 more pages for 10th book; another mailbag and more F.A.Q.s answered...
| 02:11 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says:...and I assert my right as Captain of Cwcipedia with My Own Ads around the site that I FULLY SUPPORT...
| 02:12 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says:...Removal of Any of ALL of MY Ads is consider Mutiny, and Mutiny will not be tolerated. Stay Safe, and have a good day.
| 02:12 UTC
|-
|}

=== 05 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have just noticed the Cwcipedia is back up; I was in middle of drawing a 6th page; decided to take a break and check...
| 01:22 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I will answer two mailbags tonight; I will upload the 6 pages from today and the past weekend tomorrow around noon, EST.
| 01:23 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I have learned from my mistake; I promise not to dwell on Jack's Ads (at least they're non-offensive right now)...
| 01:26 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: And the Cwcipedia has some money to last for months to years anyway; I will not repeat the mistake I have made recently.
| 01:27 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I apologize for the downtime, and I appreciate all of y'all's loyalty and patience; Stay Safe, and have a good day.
| 01:28 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Minor setback, I am having trouble logging in; I'm looking into it with the SysOp; If I don't update tonight...
| 02:00 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says:...I will definitely update tomorrow.
| 02:00 UTC
|-
|}

=== 06 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: Good evening; I apologize for being late; had a trip with family and chores to do earlier...
| 03:24 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Anyway, I have 5 more pages to be uploaded shortly; will answer another mailbag after uploading.
| 03:25 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: will have another pair of pages tomorrow as usual. Enjoy the set of pages for now...
| 03:26 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...and I hope Clyde and Jack get the MESSAGE of if they do not make ammends for their misdeeds, devils will gnash theirs.
| 03:27 UTC
|-
|}

=== 07 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
! Time
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have another pair of pages; I will answer another mailbag; not much else at the moment; Stay Safe.
| 03:03 UTC
|-
|}

=== 08 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have two more pages; expect a few fun moments the next few pages leading from P 38; since ad in intro box is gone...
| 02:57 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I will change the introduction icon with the absence of the quote as promised; and I will answer another mailbag.StaySafe
| 02:58 UTC
|-
|}

=== 13 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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| C.C. Sonichu says: With current log-in troubles, I do have announcements to make within the next bunch of Tweets, so Pleas Pay Attention!!!
| 03:19 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within Cwcville, yet gay marriage is still..
| 03:20 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: .Illegal and Wrong.
| 03:21 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Second, I am aware of the reasons of the Trio of individuals who are behind the Hideous Asperpedia of WHY they are...
| 03:22 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...tormenting me like this. If they will Read the following, or if anyone will relay, I will make amends towards them
| 03:22 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: To Alec: You have NO RIGHT in drawing MY characters in your comics, because I have specifically spoke AGAINST IT,...
| 03:23 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...and you DARE to copy and paste my response and STRIKE AND ADD IN ONLY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR! I admit I have done that
| 03:24 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: in some Mailbag letters, and I apologize for that, but I did that sometimes, because I felt offended by some of their
| 03:24 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: content. I would appreciate it if you would just give up your game, remove all the ads on MY Cwcipedia, and just move on
| 03:25 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: YOU HAVE your own life in Minnesota at your Amtrak; Quit Messing Up My Life, or I WILL come after you.
| 03:26 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: To Evan George: I offered to make Simonchu and Simonla Brother and Sister, yet you continue on to give me grief and hate
| 03:26 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: The offer was reasonable, so the two can be Separate, Individual Characters. I would appreciate it if you quit hating
| 03:27 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: me, accept the brother/sister plan, and Let It Go.
| 03:27 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: To Sean: Your comic strips are only an extension to WHAT YOU THINK are characters who are Underappreciated, when they
| 03:28 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: are not, and I have plans for them in future tales. Firstly, METAL SONICHU is NOT a secondary character; HE will be
| 03:28 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon.
| 03:29 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Bill is still working within Giovanni's Laboratory, I am working on a plan on including him in a future episode around
| 03:29 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Blake. The WAILORD who dropped the rock onto the mother Swampert and the Squirtle who Yawned are ONLY Individual
| 03:30 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: characters who I originally had NO plans on putting into future stories, so ASSUME that the two were BOTH caught by
| 03:31 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Pok'emon Trainers in Pok'e Balls and now the two are fighting with their trainers in Pok'emon Battles.
| 03:34 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: And to all those who I offended about the talk with Aspergers, I apologize. I have nothing AGAINST any individual with
| 03:35 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Aspergers, and I promise to not be mean, but nice, to them and all other individuals.
| 03:35 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: So, Please, to everyone, let's move on peacefully and live our lives well.
| 03:36 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Thank you.
| 03:36 UTC
|-
|}

=== 15 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I will repeat once more; I have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR his Asperchu AT ALL, and Asperchu is NOT MINE.
| 05:34 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Now then, Another two pages are up; Crystal is OUT OF THE MIRROR. I will answer some Mailbag Questions tonight.
| 05:35 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Note though, not ALL Objectionable Letters go to the Reject Pile... more like the Round-Hole Bin.
| 05:36 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Also, IGNORE Alec and his Asperchu; EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM, ALL OF THE ADVERTISEMENTS, and ALL things OUTSIDE the Cwcipedia
| 05:37 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: And ALL "Quotes" that are on HIS Asperpedia that he labels are from me, UNLESS those EXACT Quotes are on the Cwcipedia...
| 05:38 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...I NEVER SAID THOSE "Quotes" AT ALL. Thank you all for your continued loyalty, and Please encourage the Return of all
| 05:39 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: who have turned to the Dark Side that is also Currently known as Asperpedia. Thank you again for your Loyalty. :)
| 05:40 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Just a minor update to inform y'all about the old spanish expression...
| 22:39 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Tu nessicitas U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L para ganar felicidad por vida.
| 22:40 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Learn its pronunciation in my latest YouTube video. I will have two more pages up later. Stay Safe and have a good day.
| 22:41 UTC
|-
|}

=== 18 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
! Time
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I had to do a bit of research for a few pages, but I am halfway done and will have a LOT of new pages uploaded later.
| 09:41 UTC
|-
|}

=== 19 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have the pages completed and ready for upload; get ready for a 12-Page Explosion! And there is one explosion too.
| 10:20 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I will also answer a mailbag or two after uploading; await and enjoy within this half-hour.
| 10:21 UTC
|-
|}

=== 21 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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| C.C. Sonichu says: Congratulate me, I have created my own template, the new CWC-Supported Advertisement; in this box is a current...
| 04:59 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...event or function that I highly agree on and I feel we should support; ONLY I will have control to this ONE Ad box...
| 05:00 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...should ANYONE other than myself change or tamper with it will see trouble from me personally. Thank you for your...
| 05:01 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...cooperation. Also, I will be answering Mailbag(s) tonight. Enjoy the new Poster-Art, and Stay Safe.
| 05:01 UTC
|-
|}

=== 22 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
! Time
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I am still working on another set of pages; I will have them uploaded later today; I will now answer the current mailbag.
| 11:05 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Also, Think about this, WITHIN THE TEN BOOKS At ALL, have I ever gone the way of the SAW movies; Bloody and Gorey? No.
| 11:06 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I have not. So unless you have strong constitutions, I highly recommend Staying a Sonichu Fan and leaving Alec for good.
| 11:07 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: With the Exception of that [[Gun Comic|One Time]], OUTSIDE of the Comic Pages, I would [[Lie|Never]] draw [[Sonichu 10|Blood and Gore]] within my pages.
| 11:08 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: I promise you that; My Comic Book Pages will NEVER have Blood and Gore in them.
| 11:09 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Stay Safe, and have a good day.
| 11:09 UTC
|-
|}

=== 25 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I apologize for not being online for a few days, but I have just uploaded 8 new pages; I will answer another mailbag...
| 20:00 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...shortly after making a few more updates; will be creating satisfactory character pages tonight; also, with the...
| 20:01 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...recent number of pages, I took a shot at drawing and coloring 5 pages a day; obviously with real life events and...
| 20:02 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...whatnot, it was too much to ask, so I will get back into the swing of things with 2 or 3 pages a day like before...
| 20:02 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...with the addition of one page at least; I appreciate the paitience of the true and loyal; thank you all very much...
| 20:03 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: you can take a lesson at being a True Sonichu Fan from Rad and his group I mentioned in a recent YouTube video; check...
| 20:04 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...out his song he wrote and composed for me; Rad and his group will have their own page on the Cwcipedia as...
| 20:04 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...Most Honorable and Loyal Sonichu Fan Group. Stay Safe, and have a good day.
| 20:05 UTC
|-
|}

=== 30 January 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: I have just uploaded 6 new pages onto the Cwcipedia; My biological clock has been fickle lately, and that is why I've...
| 02:48 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...been unable to log on and update at the past usual times, I have been crashing early in the late PM; May have finally
| 02:48 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...found a routine I can deal with daily; will answer latest mailbag letters tomorrow morning at about 11, my time.
| 02:51 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Stay Safe, and please protest against Mao on the Asperpedia about the overcrowding ads on the Cwcipedia.
| 02:52 UTC
|-
|}

=== 25 February 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
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| C.C. Sonichu says: Book # 10 is Completed in a Bundle Update of Pages; Also meet Wild Sonichu's Daughter, Sandy; Thank you all who have...
| 06:52 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...have sent me Birthday Greetings, with the exception of the Asperchu Four: Alec, Evan, Mao and Sean.
| 06:53 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Sean is the LEAST OFFENSIVE and the WEAKEST of the four; he is a Drug-Headed Loser; read his attorney defense in court.
| 06:54 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Happy Christian Love Day to All, and to all Stay Safe.
| 06:54 UTC
|-
|}

=== 02 March 2010 ===

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
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| C.C. Sonichu says: Captain's Log: Stardate, March 1, 2010. My father went to the hospital last night at 3 AM with a case of congested...
| 01:42 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...Heart Failure; he will be back out in a couple of days, but I have had a loong, stressful day. I only got 4 hours...
| 01:42 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...of sleep; I will resume daily updates later this week; Redrawing of the last few pages of Book 10 are in the works...
| 01:43 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...so Alec, his crew and I can be on peaceful terms, and that we can all move on with better stories that are more...
| 01:44 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...cannon to all things Sonichu and Rosechu. I am also working on the pages for Book 11; will upload all that I will...
| 01:45 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...have for Book 11 on the Sonichu 10th Anniversary date of March 17, 2010. Currently, daily updates will mostly...
| 01:46 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...consist of Mailbag Answerings, Bio Page Creations, Captain's Log Updates, etc. I appreciate your loyalty and...
| 01:46 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...patience, and Also, thank yous go out to all who have sent me Positive E-Mails and USMail Letters, cards and presents.
| 01:47 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: With opposite feelings towards the few who sent me Offensive, Graphically Inappropriate "Fanart". But I know all about..
| 01:49 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...4Chan's Favorite Rule 18. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Die with less hatred and even less attention from me, period.
| 01:50 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: To everyone, I bid you a good and safe day.
| 01:50 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ~~RULE18~~
| 01:51 UTC
|-
|}

These postings are a little bit uncharacteristic; it's somewhat out of character for Chris to all of a sudden go "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL" and refer to 4chan. However, he's probably just being an idiot as usual. The "Rule 18" stuff most likely actually refers to [[Rule 34]]. He also implies that the trolls would be upset at getting "less hatred and less attention from [him]", [[Chris and his ego|as if they gave a shit if Chris paid any heed to them]].

=== 10 March 2010 ===

In this gigantic update, Chris discusses the fantasy novel that he and [[The Wallflower]] were planning to write, which they ripped off from the mediocre series ''The Guardians of Ga'Hoole''.

{| class="wikitable"
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! Text
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|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Captain's Log, Stardate: March 9, 2010: My apologies for not updating the Cwcipedia in a while; I've been chillin'...
| 01:14 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...with my [[The Wallflower|lady friend]]. She and I have started work on a book together; I have put up a [[LittleBigPlanet#The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom|Foretaste Version of a new]]...
| 01:15 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...[[LittleBigPlanet#The Guardian of the Owl Kingdom|LittleBiGPlanet Level]] based off of the story of our book. I think y'all will enjoy the story; essentially, it's the..
| 01:16 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...story of the wise owl (like the ones in "Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter"), but in addition to guiding the...
| 01:17 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...students/warriors/magicians/etc., we see his everyday family life and adventures. Our leading owl, King Alistair,...
| 01:18 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...is the King of the kingdom of Heartland, with a human family; his wife, young son and teenage daughter; Alistair was..
| 01:19 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...originally a Human, but a warlock who despised him, transformed him into an owl. But with the help of his family and
| 01:19 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...new friends from other kingdoms, as well as the individuals he wisely guided, and his Royal Guard and Army, they all..
| 01:20 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...stand together to defend Alistair's Grand Kingdom from the forces of enemy predator animal forces and their clan...
| 01:22 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...leaders and the Big Cheese that is the Warlock who changed his majesty. Also, the teenage daughter is a Destined...
| 01:23 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...Guardian of the many, many Owls, as a spirit guided by the Goddess of Wisdom, Athena. The son is to be a great...
| 01:25 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...strong warrior and leader of the Royal Guard and Army, yet he finds it hard to look up to a father who is an Owl.
| 01:26 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Alistair's wife, the Queen, remains loyal to her family and her husband. Her patience is rewarded upon every Full Moon..
| 01:27 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...Night, when Alistair transforms back to his human self, up to the sunrise of the following day, when he transforms...
| 01:28 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...back into his Great Horn Owl form. But during those few nights, their majesties live it up to the fullest. WHOO!!!
| 01:29 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: So, check out the Foretaste level on the LBP servers (remember to grab and fly to progress); the full version first level
| 01:30 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...will be uploaded after full completion between me and my little lady. Also, Jack is only getting me to make the...
| 01:32 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...updates on the Cwcipedia sooner, and that's why he saw fit on putting up the grotesque ads there; He did not have my..
| 01:32 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...approval on that step. But I will be making an update on there very soon, and I am sure Jack will remove those ads...
| 01:33 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...shortly after; he is portraying himself as a most rude, impatient individual. jackthethadius@yahoo.com is his e-mail
| 01:36 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: feel free to send your complaints about the ads to him if you wish. I have spoken; thank you for your paitience...
| 01:37 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: Have a nice day. :)
| 01:37 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: One more thing, [[Jack]] had previously agreed to keep the ads Non-Offensive; we had an understanding, and I still have...
| 01:44 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...the e-mails with his agreement to that promise.
| 01:45 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: And a WORD to Jack Thaddius, [[PS3|I HAVE A REAL LIFE TOO]], DUDE, and I am [[Friend zone|making progress with my Lady Friend]]; your misdeeds...
| 01:46 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...have been noted, and you are only HURTING YOURSELF in getting paid back, because the OFFENSIVE ADs are a Kryptonite...
| 01:47 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...And IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO MAKE MY UPLOADS AND UPDATES, SO YOU CAN GET PAID, You would do your best to return the...
| 01:48 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...ads to their Non-Offensive State as you had PROMISED beforehand.
| 01:49 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: YOU ARE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF BY HURTING ME, THE [[CWCipedia|CWCIPEDIA]], AND MY FANS, JACK. Let Us All Be In Peace, and you will...
| 01:50 UTC
|-
| C.C. Sonichu says: ...be fully paid for your Promise Keeping, and your better Patience. You have your own happiness; let me have mine.
| 01:52 UTC
|-
|}

=== 17 July 2010 ===

After a long period in inactivity, Chris returned to Twitter to demand things for free, beg people to download his shitty [[ModNation]] tracks and lie about drawing more comics.

{| class="wikitable"
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| Attention. I am still looking for the Cowboy and Mouse Trap Mystery [[ModNation Racers|Mods]]; I have Two Extra Kratos/Gopher PSN Codes to Trade.
| 00:45 UTC
|-
| Send me your PreOrder Codes with either Cowboy or Mouse Trap Mystery Mods over the PSN to me, Online ID: Sonichu.
| 00:46 UTC
|-
| After Validation of Content and Validity, a [[God of War|Kratos]]/Gopher Code will be sent back to the sender in a reply.
| 00:47 UTC
|-
| The Last Day of the Code Usage is tomorrow, July 18, 2010. So please hurry. Thank you for your support.
| 00:47 UTC
|-
| Also, apoligies to my Sonichu [[Fans]] for [[Chris and the Internet#Attempts to leave the Internet|Leaving the internet]], but rest-assured, I am still working on the [[Sonichu 11|comic pages]] in peace free of trolls
| 00:48 UTC
|-
| Also, check out my ModNation Stuff, I have some Sweet Mods, Karts and the [[Cwcville]] Beta Track Published (with the Final Cwcville Track in...
| 00:49 UTC
|-
| ...progress). Official [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] Mods are included, as well as Rosechu's Kart, personal favorite Hot Wheels remakes, favorite...
| 00:50 UTC
|-
| ...childhood toy remake and others. Please download my Cwcville 2.0 Track to get me my Sharing Splines Trophy. One Away!
| 00:51 UTC
|-
| Have a good and safe day.
| 00:51 UTC
|-
|}

=== 19 July 2010 ===
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Text
! Time
|-
|The Trades have been fulfilled; I have seen a good amount of support. Thank you all. Everyone have a safe and good day and evening.
| 00:36 UTC
|}

== External links ==
* [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu Chris's Official and Originial Microblog]
* [http://twitter.com/#search?q=-RT%20sonichu Live feed]

[[Category:Chris's websites]]

ModNation Racers

2010-07-19T02:00:33Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:ModNation Racers.jpg|thumb|ModNation Racers [[America]]n box art.]]
'''''ModNation Racers''''' is a customizable kart racing game for the [[PS3]] and [[PSP]] that [[Chris]] has taken a liking to. It isn't quite 2010's answer to ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'', but it's close.

In addition to providing [[Autism|autistics]] with the simple gameplay used in all racing games and cute, [[Homos|gaily]]-colored characters found in [[Animal Crossing|children's games]], ''ModNation Racers'' is heavily based around user-generated content, much like ''LittleBigPlanet''. Chris can now foist his questionable [[Chris and art|design skills]] upon the world through a kart racing game.

When only the beta was available, Chris posted exactly 25 screen caps of him driving a yellow, [[Sonichu]]-themed cart around an empty racetrack on the [[CWCipedia]]. These were filed under [[Copyright|"Original CWC Art"]].

It is of great concern to Chris that despite his belief that he has a large [[fanbase]], barely anybody has bothered to download his poorly designed track and he continues to whore it out at every opportunity. On 17 July 2010, Chris updated his [[Twitter]] account for the first time in ages and posted threads on both [[GameFAQs]] and Gamespot, begging his imaginary followers to give him codes for special game content and download his CWCville track, so that he could acquire yet another trophy.

==Beta screen caps==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:MODNATION.JPG|Modnation Chris, about to go snake hunting.
Image:MODNATION_1.JPG|Sonichu license plate
Image:MODNATION_2.JPG|''Modnation'': the game that lets you make Sonichu [[medallions]]
Image:MODNATION_19.JPG|Chris plows his car into an orange pylon
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Fan:Sonichu Racers]]

==External links==
*[http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu Chris's ModNation profile]

{{stub}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

Michael Snyder

2010-06-16T00:22:49Z

BanjoSplice:

{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Michael Snyder! '''JEW!'''|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris being Chris]]}}
{{quote|He probably will.|Michael Snyder to the above}}

[[Image:2004 merchant of venice 008.jpg|thumb|Michael Snyder, the dirty <s>Jew</s> gentile.]]
[[image:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb|left|Chris at war with Michael]]

'''Michael Snyder''' is the [[manajerk|manager]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and the hero responsible for banning [[Chris]] from the store. According to Chris, he hated his guts. It's easy to see why.

Although Chris had [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|fumblingly attempted to apologize]] to Michael in a video in March 2009, his clumsy facade of contrition is not difficult to see through; it is, in reality, not contrition but ''attrition''! In his [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]] video, Chris still clearly harbors resentment towards being banned, at one point adding the following annotation:

{{quote|Why did you Hate My Guts, Michael Snyder; I had my Voluenteer Job with the Pokemon TCG League. What are you, A CONFIRMED INTERNET TROLL?!!! You have my Number.}}

This further confirms that, in Chris's eyes, anyone who makes Chris angry or doesn't give him what he wants must be a [[troll]].

==Chris's anti-Semitism==
[[File:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's beliefs, all summed up in one poster.]]
On 12 April 2010, [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris confronted Michael]] in an attempt to get back into the Game Place. In his anger, Chris ends up [[South Park|calling him a Jew]] as an insult.

Based on comments from earlier in the audio recording, Chris seems to have jumped to his conclusion about Michael's religion on account of his last name. In fact, "Schneider" is a German surname meaning "tailor" (and "Snyder" descends from the Dutch word for "cutter"). While some German Jews might have wound up with the name, it doesn't necessarily denote Jewish heritage at all. Michael himself, rather like Al Pacino, whom you see up there, is a gentile.

In a [[100 2178|more recent video]], Chris links Michael to a conspiracy he believes the Greene County school board have staged against him to keep him down, and calls Michael "GOD-DAMN, GREEDY ... SNYDER", greed being a another Jewish stereotype, and wishes him to hell together with the trolls. Chris seems to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

==Chris fails at trolling Michael==
{{quote|When I go to [[Chris and Religion|hell]], I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your [[Bob|fossilized]] [[Barb|parents]] could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other [[pokemon]] kids, including my own, because even 10 years ago you were an [[Chris and anger|angry]], unsportsmanlike punk.
Signed,
That goddam Michael Snyder|Michael Snyder on Chris}}

Shortly after posting his audio of the apology attempt on YouTube, Chris published an image on the [[CWCipedia]] decrying Michael's ban as an affront to all [[autism|autistics]]. On the CWCipedia and in the description of the video, he urged [[white knights|decent, upstanding citizens]] to troll Michael, and optionally his subordinates as well. Far from provoking a wave of trolling, this demand actually resulted in a groundswell of support for the Game Place, with Michael reporting positive comments from everyone who's contacted him about the incident, except for a [[Prank calls#Chris calls Mary Lee Walsh and Michael Snyder|single prank call]].

== Chris attempts murder ==
{{main|6 June 2010}}

{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|Michael in a YouTube comment}}

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[Daniel Mimms]]
*[[Lucas]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic His YouTube account]

{{People}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category: Manajerks]]

The Hook Cafe

2010-04-06T05:33:57Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile image, which partially revives his old Ash Ketchum look.]]
[[Image:direct2sex.jpg|thumb|A screenshot of the ad, as of 5 April 2010.]]
The local free weekly paper in [[Charlottesville]] is ''The Hook'', and its online personal-ads site is called '''The Hook Cafe'''. Some time in early 2010, Chris posted a personal ad at the Cafe under the nickname "[[Chris and sex|direct2sex]]," declaring that he "Need Sexy Sweets from Woman."

As far as anyone can tell, no sexy sweets have been forthcoming.

The ad is one of the most blatant confirmations that Chris is no longer interested in "true love" and is now simply looking to get laid. This is not totally unexpected, as most of his followers have always believed that true honest love was merely a ruse to get sex, and that if Chris could get to the the hanky-panky without having to actually care about someone, he would do so in a heartbeat. Before the discovery of this profile, the clearest evidence of this was [[Mailbag 53#So much for true love|one of Chris's mailbag responses]].

It's interesting to note differences between this and his previous dating profiles. Chris is apparently making an attempt to be a grown up, and as a result he neglects to mention [[Sonichu]], his [[Autism]] or the fact he's a twenty eight year old [[virgin with rage|virgin]], having finally realized that boasting about his failures has probably contributed to his lack of hanky-panky.

==Ad==
The following is all the information included in the ad as of 5 April 2010. All misspellings or unusual capitalizations are from the original page. The peculiar entry under "Religion" (which lists his affiliation as both "Methodist" and "None") is the result of an error Chris made when filling out the form that produced his profile.

===Introduction===

I am an [[honest content|honest]], [[Chris and anger|compassionate]] [[Megan Saga|gentleman]], with a good sense of humor. I am looking for good time(s) with a woman; I'm not getting any younger. I would like a 21-28 year old woman with a pretty face, a sexy slim to average body and an honest and compassionate personality. Show me your honest and sweet interest and love, and I'll show you a good time. Hit me up with an e-mail with your photo and digits, and I will respond quickly in suit. Smokers, [[Obesity|overweights]], [[Niggos|blacks]] and [[List of Chris's lies|liars]] need not apply.

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Man''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''[[Fuck Quest|Friends with benefits]], Some Action, Casual Dating''' 
Body Type: '''[[Obesity|Average, Muscular, Height / Weight proportionate]]''' 
Eyes: '''L=Blue, R=Green''' 
Height: '''5' 10"''' 
Hair Type: '''Brown''' 
Age: '''28''' 
Seeks: [[china|'''Woman for Dating, Woman for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|College graduate]]''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''[[Chris and religion|None, Christian / Methodist]]''' 
Political Leanings: '''Moderate''' 
City: '''Ruckersville''' 
Occupation: '''Artist''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Socially]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-chu|Car]], [[Sonichu's Edge|Walk]]''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Obesity|Conscious Omnivore]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''[[R.L. Stine|Reading]], Creating, [[Guitar Hero|Playing sports]], [[Chris's Big Night Out|Clubbing]], [[30_Push-Ups|Working out]], [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Shopping]], [[McDonald's|Dining out]], Biking''' 
Funniest Thing: '''A man chasing a dog. [[Random-access humor|And the dog has a ham in its mouth]]'''

===Deeper===
The best thing about Charlottesville is: '''The vast history behind it.'''

My radio dial is usually tuned to? '''Z-95.1'''

Quote a line from your favorite movie. '''[[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticespialadocious]]'''

Thomas Jefferson makes me: '''feel inspired and better enjoy Charlottesville, VA.'''

The first thing I read in the Hook is? '''The Arts.'''

Name three things [[Semen|you shouldn't have eaten]]. '''Beets, [[Pickles]], Relish.'''

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''smokers''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: [[Chris and reality|the brain of a '''college graduate''' and the body of a '''Playboy Womam]]'''

People say '''[[Chris and his Ego|my face is my best feature]]'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''the Arts'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''sweet compassion''' The quickest way to my bed is '''honest lovin'''' And in the morning, I like my [[Christian's sex joke|eggs]] cooked '''fried and well-done'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'''

'''[[Golden Corral]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
'''Best Buy''' or Sidetracks

'''Summer''' or Winter

'''PC''' or Mac

'''Cavaliers''' or Redskins

'''[[Chris and death|Casket]]''' or Cremation

Fax or '''Email'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==External links==
*[http://charlottesville.selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Profile?person=oid%3A250471 Chris's Hook Cafe profile]

[[Category:Websites]]

Vivian Gee

2010-04-01T17:20:02Z

BanjoSplice:

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|A TRUE and HONEST photograph of Vivian]]

{{quote|hopefully chris will just stop. seriously|Vivian, responding to comments on the Sonichu [[audiobooks]]}}

'''Vivian Gee''' (born [[Wikipedia:Bastille_Day|14 July]] 1987, A TRUE FRENCH PATRIOT) is the creator of the [[Sonichu]] [[audiobooks]] and other [[Chris]]-related video and cousin to [[Clyde Cash]]. She is also the owner of Hamsty the Hamster, a video-posting plush hamster that has already managed to kill itself several times over Chris's wonderful effects on the psyche.

In addition to the audiobooks, Vivian is the creator of the story "[[A Girl who Brought Down the World]]", a story that answers the question: what would happen if [[CWCville]] became true?

==Contact with Chris==
[[Image:Vivi profile 8 by viviG.jpg|thumb|right|If you think this was Vivian, '''THINK AGAIN!''']]
Vivian, ironically, is probably his only serious internet "friend". While that might be taking it a little far, she's tried to genuinely help him. However, despite all the warnings of imminent doom, Chris ignored her regularly, and proceeded to [[fail]] spectacularly. Vivian has apparently toned down the [[white knight]] antics, and has realized Chris is a [[Autism|retard]] who '''cannot improve.''' [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails|Several emails]] have been recovered so far. Most are simply Vivian saying "JESUS STOP BEING A FUCKTARD" and real advice. Chris wasn't interested until it involved his internet [[gal-pals]] or [[Sonichu]]. She once [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|talked to Chris for three hours]] to convince him to get help, with no success; in her words, talking some damn sense into Chris is "like fighting a wall".

Some time later, Vivian gave Chris a copy of [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|a novel]] she had written. Chris, however, most likely did not read it, as he mentioned that the cover "was nice" and was worried he was being charged for it. Had he actually sat down and read it, however, he would have probably seen some incredible similarities between the characters and settings of that story and [[CWCville|his own world.]]

In [[September 2009]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 4th, 2009|a Captain's Log video]] was addressed specifically to Vivian, with Chris demanding that she close her [[YouTube]] account AND delete all the videos, "if she wants to earn back his trust" after she and [[Clyde Cash]], her cousin, had done "so much bad against him." It was soon followed by a [[Sign Destruction Video|violent death-threat video]] by Chris against Vivian, threatening to brutally dismember her and all of her family members, in which he expressed his hope that it would make her understand "the fury of [[Chris and anger|his wrath]]."

In a [[Captain's Log]] written on the [[CWCkipedia]] on 14 March 2010, Vivian G's page is one of many listed in Chris's collection of those that are demanded to be altered after the discovery of [[The Wallflower]]'s page, completely and utterly unaware of Vivian's true nature.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Captain%27s_Log&oldid=4015 Captain's Log, Stardate March 14, 2010]</ref>
{{quote|Vivian Gee is a Gal-Pal; Please Relocate the link(s) to her page as such.|Chris in the [[CWC Blog]] 14 March 2010}}
==OH NOES!==
[[image:Vivian's YT bkgrnd.png|thumb|left|Oh shi-- ]]
[[image:2nd Background.PNG|thumb|October 8 image]]
On 3rd [[October 2009]], the utterly conclusive image to the left appeared as Vivian's background image on her YouTube profile. Furthermore, all links to her videos were removed from the page as well.

While this may well have caused many of her [[Trolls|admirers]] to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]] in fear, a quick YouTube search reveals that not a single video is missing. Furthermore, her [[DeviantArt]] profile states that she is gone for a month. Then she came back.

{{quote|seriously you guys just go away GO AWAY|Vivian}}

As of 23rd [[October 2009]], however, Vivian has returned and her videos are back up on her profile.{{clear}}

==Extortion by Chris==
[[Image:VivianLetsTalkBusiness.PNG|thumb|right|Apologies, Mafioso-style]]
After weeks of tension, the relationship between Chris and Vivian started to relax a little, and on 14 [[November 2009]] Chris extended an olive branch of peace. He [[Chris and remorse|excused himself]] for his lamentable attitude and decided to approve the audiobooks, in return for a cut of the proceeds. Chris, feeling smug after receiving some [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|papers from the state of Virginia]], felt the need to pressure Vivian out of her hard-earned money. He's thinking that asking for 25% of all the donations for the audiobooks should be used to support his already [[Monthly tugboat|lavish]] [[Chris and money|lifestyle]]. Vivian kindly [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU answered negatively] to the offer on her YouTube account via her spokes-"person."

==Emails (TL;DR)==
''See [[Vivian Gee E-mails]]''
{{clear}}
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Vivi profile posthalloween by viviG.png|Self-portrait from dA
Image:Chris rages yet again.png|it ain't law-breaking, bro
Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|Chris truly appreciates those who try to help him.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Audiobooks]]
*[[Rollin' and Trollin']] - name of CWCville bar was "Vivian's"

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg?blend=1 Vivitheg's YouTube Channel]
*[http://vivig.deviantart.com/ Vivian Gee's deviantART account]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Gee, Vivian}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-04-01T17:09:29Z

BanjoSplice:

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first (and only) date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

The voices heard in the recording are those of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Summary==
*The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], run a mic check.
*Emily talks to Bob, ignores Chris.
*Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talk a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
*Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt several times, and fails several times.
*Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
*Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
*Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
*Chris asks why UVA doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
*Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
*Bob goes back to his health problems.
*Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
*Chris flirts.
*Chris [[fail|fails]] at flirting.
*Chris does the infamous Donald [[Duck]] impression.
*Chris talks about Sailor Moon.
*Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
*Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
*Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
*Emily flees.
*The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle]] Man arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH".
*Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
*Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Bob's Work History (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired Life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-- 
'''Emily:''' That's why-- 
'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – look! Hey – look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years. 
'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – well, I, um… I did-- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh-- I-- but I enjoyed my life. It-- it, uh-- it-- I had… things; I had-- I had opportunities that most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now. 
'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know… write up-- do some journalism, like, overseas. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. 
'''Bob:''' ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, it-- it was interesting. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I wish I could get-- find out what ''Christian's'' really good-- well, he’s pretty good in drawing… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And writing. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he-- she should know; she-- you’ve-- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my-- all my friends like it, as well. 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um… I-- I guess you know he’s-- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um… 
'''Chris''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] computer: his Commodore computer… 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many-- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more''] 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah – but you-- 
'''Bob:''' Now, we've-- we-- we’ve brought him a long way. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… well, that’s a little piece for you-- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! That-- that would be interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Anyway, you-- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No – I came all the way from VCU. Um… like, a lot of my fr-- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k-- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week. 
'''Chris:''' Wow. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s-- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley". 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally". 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh… 
'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – but-- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um… ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street". 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I-- I-- I love the Virginian area. 
'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised – but you wouldn’t believe it – she-- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-- 
'''Bob:''' Well, again-- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. 
'''Bob:''' And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… do you guys have a big family? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got-- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. 
'''Bob:''' You-- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Schiflett's a really big family. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – we got… two-- really, two separate families. 
'''Emily:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' No… it isn't. 
'''Emily:''' No. 
'''Bob:''' But we-- we-- we enjoy it, and I-- I have-- uh, I grow flowers. And… I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' With Social Security, and… the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' So, uh… I-- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And in the middle, I’ve got a, um… well, about 15 [unintelligible] greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – ''plastic'' flowers? 
'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – day lilies bloom about once a year, during-- dur-- about ''once''-- 
'''Bob:''' In the summer. 
'''Chris:''' This-- this summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' There-- there's also that-- 
'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!'' 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And I-- I love all the music from-- from [unintelligible (but seemingly naming a pair of musical artists)]. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and musicals. And soundtracks. 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss-- uh… ''singer'' is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all-- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-- 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''. 
'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' And-- but [unintelligible] all these big ''classics'' now-- 
'''Chris:''' [''does Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody''] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were [unintelligible] but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army… 
'''Emily:''' Well-- 
'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece. 
'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca-- ''cathedral'' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' Well… I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh-- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' And… if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah – it's great! 
'''Bob:''' Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end! 
'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing! 
'''Bob:''' Well, yeah – it's a nice life! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's Health Problems (24:23 - 25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically''] 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been-- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible] I mean, he's been in-- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple-- ''two'' triple-bypasses? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened? 
'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''. 
'''Emily:''' What happened? 
'''Bob:''' I smoked too much… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-- but yeah – he-- but yes – uh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' God let him survive! 
'''Bob:''' I had a couple heart attacks, and… 
'''Emily:''' [responding to Chris] Yeah – for a reason! 
'''Chris:''' And he's got a pacemaker now! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… I-- I've been through-- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got-- I got through that. 
'''Bob:''' Then, ''he'' came along. 
'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-- 
'''Bob:''' And then, I-- I got retired… 
'''Chris:''' Hey! 
'''Emily:''' Hmm? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – hey – he's the one that's b-- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times. 
'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in '92… 
'''Bob:''' And I died a couple times [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County. 
'''Emily:''' Oh…

===Memories of High School (25:30 - 26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh… when I was over there with him, I-- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' For-- for schools [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' And-- and, um… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High. 
'''Emily:''' [disinterested] Oh, really? 
'''Bob:''' Then, um… 
'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]]. 
'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… 
'''Emily:''' What does it say: "Lancers"? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Is that-- wait – is that your mascot? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "2000"? 
'''Chris:''' Yes… that's my class and coat'a arms. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High School. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and [[rainbow|a rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at-- in the ring-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see-- 
'''Emily:''' I see it! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough-- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh… you were gonna ask… 
'''Emily:''' Aww… 
'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (26:13 - 29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls? 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – didn't… Chris tell you about them? 
'''Bob:''' No – he doesn't-- no – he doesn't normally-- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so… 
'''Bob:''' See – he's a-- he-- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… actually reminds me more-- actually, we're more-- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night. 
'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess? 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… my mom-- and my-- my mom picked up my bad biological-- my messed-up [[biological clock]]. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! 
'''Bob:''' But anyway… I-- I-- yeah – I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone… 
'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and left a message. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it's a pretty big fanbase. Um… there's actually about-- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club. 
'''Bob:''' Hmm! 
'''Emily:''' And then, there's-- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that-- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have? 
'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Do-- you got one here in UVA? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' That's why I heard-- that's why. 
'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this-- this club… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' I-- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – I've been on the Internet chat! And plus, y'know… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-- 
'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… um… 
'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why-- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m-- medallion? 
'''Chris:''' Um… I just believe I expressed that, uh… in a video on, uh, YouTube? But I-- I, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – um… I'd rather not say in front of-- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh… 
'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have-- you don't-- it saves you one face to have to look at! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''green-blue''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I see it! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment! 
'''Emily:''' Wow… I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''… looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's just that-- y'know, it's-- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

===Emily Isn't Hungry (29:02 - 29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh… you hungry? 
'''Emily:''' Oh – no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – you-- 
'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m-- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. 
'''Chris:''' That's good; uh… ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like-- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh… [truly flustered] we wanna sh-- we wanna split it be-- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh… I'm gonna split mine with you… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though! 
'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I-- I can't eat it all! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… it's a really big bowl for him… 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!'' 
[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know… it's bigger! 
'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad – why don't you go get your spaghetti? 
'''Bob:''' Do you want some? 
'''Emily:''' No. I'm-- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… we could get you some ''water''. 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm not thirsty, as well. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay – well, go ahead and get your sh-- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father. 
'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's Health Problems Revisited (29:59 - 32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah – I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh… I've died about five times now. 
'''Bob:''' The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant? 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him. 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! 
'''Chris:''' No – not really; uh… he was-- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c-- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a-- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he-- if my mom wasn't there to catch him… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Chris:''' His-- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, wow… 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But I-- I think the [unintelligible] reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' I don' t know about you. 
'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not. 
'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it! 
'''Bob:''' But I'm, um-- I found out a few years ago-- about… 10 or 15 years ago… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I figured that-- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligibile] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes. 
'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' This ain't my time yet. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c-- for ''my'' case. 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' [''cackles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically''] 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh… you s-- alright, Dad-- 
'''Bob:''' Now-- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously yet again''] 
'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… 
'''Chris:''' So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread. 
'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, I was concerned, myself. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… 
'''Bob:''' If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you! 
'''Emily:''' I don't mind. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris Fails at Flirting (32:12 - 36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, you-- uh… I must say you look ''good''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you! 
'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s-- uh… summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' We might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' [''does terrifying Donald Duck impression''] "And this is my duck talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… at the-- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary. 
'''Chris:''' No – not-- not-- no – not-- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''… 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… okay. So, you… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D-- classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… you mi-- you don’t mind if I t-- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder? 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long". 
'''Emily:''' ''Okay''… not-- not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like-- wow – I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she's like-- and she actually got to know ''me''. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. So… what’s your-- what's the reason you need ''your'' glasses for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m nearsighted, as well. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Do we? 
'''Emily:''' Hmm… no – it's still blurry… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want-- I'd like to see the, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I-- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m sure. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Boy – I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went-- before I went to-- um, crashing on the… couch. 
'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I put on some, uh, bod-- body s-- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh… it's called "Proximity". 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I ''really'' like the choc-- the new chocolate one. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – the, uh, "Dark Temptation"… 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' Oh – I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… okay. 
'''Chris:''' It's like I-- if I-- if I-- if we-- if we was hookin' up, I would've gotten more of that! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I like-- I like this-- I like this-- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're-- you c-- you straight-- came straight from, uh… the, uh, PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' It's the live-action [[Sailor Moon]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Saved to my PlayStation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so… 
'''Chris:''' Its, like, the very-- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a strange, baby-like voice] You actually get to see ''Usagi''… [back to his normal voice] and, uh-- aww, shoot – I forget his name, but, y'know… 
'''Emily:''' Uh… Mamoru? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''… 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals? 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I kn-- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh-- I have that on ''DVD''-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J-- Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and… the Sailor Starlights? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-- 
'''Chris:''' No. 
'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, little kids? 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Um… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… [pitiful] I don’t have much of an opinion… 
[''Emily and Chris both laugh''] 
'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's, uh-- it's… [in a British accent] ''itchy''… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but you can sketch a lot in your, uh… journalism, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I m-- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… 
'''Emily:''' We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing. 
'''Chris:''' Okay – well, I mean, you-- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No – I thinks it's, uh-- it's just basically a bunch'a scribbles. 
[''Chris and Emily both laugh''] 
'''Chris:''' Eh… a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an X for their signature, and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Ah''… but not you. You put… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' An E and… an S, basically. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh-- uh, an S? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Emily Schiflett. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – ''that’s'' your last name! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' "Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!'' 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' It's beautiful! 
'''Emily:''' Aww… thank you. 
'''Chris:''' D-- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
[pause]

===Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)===

[''Bob comes back''] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad – uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate. 
'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian – I don't know… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti! 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… really? I don't think-- I've only had their pizza there… before… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the, um-- all the spaghetti places in town are too expensive. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh.'' 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – b-- but-- 
'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' But they should have one here. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah – it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' I-- I've actually-- yeah – y'know, I was there with my father… when-- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly-- to the ''other'' nearly esstinct, uh, restaurants: y'know, like Shoney's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!'' 
'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count-- there's a bun-- there's a few in the Richmond area… 
'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU! 
'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm-- I'm usually not looking for them, so… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – we even ha-- yeah – we even-- at-- at home, somewhere, we even have a t-- we even have the-- the teddy bear: the ''Shoney Bear''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's-- that was their mascot. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up-- if you look up "Shon"-- if you-- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh… find their mascot being the teddy-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Being the bear. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan-- to wan-- to… gawk-- to ''gander'' at!" 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Christian – they got lots of juice! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, ''slobber'' all over myself… 
'''Chris:''' Especially in front of my, uh, "lady friend", here. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] a little bit more? 
[long pause] 
'''Bob:''' You can deal ''without''… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his-- so, I take his breadsticks. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water. 
'''Emily:''' Okay! 
'''Chris:''' I'll be right back. 
[''Chris walks away''] 
[pause]
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs politely] 
'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well? 
'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for uhm Circuit City for a while before she retired. 
'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone - she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired. 
'''Emily:''' Oh really? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, [unintelligible] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple - three years ago. She's younger than I am [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [unintelligible, Chris comes back, still unintelligible] she loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is? 
'''Chris:''' [chuckles] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' [Unintelligble, Emily is laughing while he is saying it] 
'''Bob:''' The Burger King is on Price Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an [unintelligible] uh, Main uh what you would call Main Street. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this, 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] and downtown Richmond is this way.
'''Chris:''' [he says something about Pokemon] 
'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokemon. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokemon league or uh [unintelligble] Yeah, I remember that. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligble] for you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is 3 blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is. 
'''Emily:''' Oh.
'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way I have used uh chopsticks before. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' See there? 
'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' I can't... 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond. 
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit Chinese or asian or Japanese? 
'''Emily:''' Nuh uh. 
'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair [chuckles] 
'''Bob:''' I'll bet ya [unintelligble] over there was Reverend [unintelligible] of the Korean Church. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 

===(42:04 - 01:14:22)===

{{transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… . it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:'''Okay, cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===Hiding Out In The Bathroom (01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

There is a long pause as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom. 
'''Passerby:''' (inaudible)...very fashionable looking. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you! 
'''Passerby:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
Another long pause as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris. 
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily. 
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

March 2010

2010-03-03T17:16:12Z

BanjoSplice:

==Events of March 2010==

* 01 March - In his first [[Twitter|Twittered]] [[Captain's Log]], Chris inform us that [[Bob Chandler]] is hospitalized due to congestive heart failure, that he's under lots of [[stress]] and that he will release the issue of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu 11]] in time for its tenth anniversary.
* 02 March - Chris posts [[02 March 2010|two]] [[Surfshack Tito|new]] videos. None of them mention his [[Bob Chandler|father]].

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

CWC's Sonichu Site!

2010-02-27T16:42:30Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:Hackedbyjosh.jpg|right|thumb|Hey Faggot, 
My name is Joshua Martinez, and I hate you. You are a fat, retarded, no-life who spends every second of his day drawing stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you just take to a whole new level. This is even worse than fucking an anime blowup doll.
 
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn animal people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are a faggot who should just kill himself. Thanks for listening.
 
Pics Related: It's me and my bitch]]

'''CWC's Sonichu Site!''' (full title: '''The Official & The Originial '''''[sic]'' '''From Christian Weston Chandler the Sonichu and Rosechu Site!''') was launched on August, 17, [[2000]] to celebrate the Chris-Chan's greatest creation, Sonichu. The site has resided at different webhosts over the years since [[troll]]s keep hacking Chris's password. Since the site is frequently hacked and/or down, a mirror of the site from [[November 2008]] is archived [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/ here].

== Design and content ==

Chris likes to harp on how he took two HTML classes and likes to construct his page on Netscape Composer, a mercifully discontinued software product. It is fairly obvious that either the HTML classes didn't teach good web design principles, or Chris slept through those sections.

The main hub of the Sonichu site is the front page, which has frequently been compared to [http://www.timecube.com/ Time Cube]. The comparison isn't entirely unfounded, though Gene Ray at least had an ounce of sanity what comes to color choices and readability. Like Gene Ray, Chris dumped everything on the front page, all of the content centered. Chris also added things to the page to random places with little thought on where they go, and didn't really have the time and energy to update the page. In the latest incarnations, the page had mentions of ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' material, Chris's changes to the comic, and had "[[Copyright]] CWC and Nintendo", long after the end of the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

Chris's site also boasted that it was a member of the "Super [[Sonic]] Webring"; closer inspection reveals that Chris's site is not listed as a member of the webring, and Chris failed to insert the correct codes (i.e., he failed to put in his member ID, leaving "_SITE_ID_HERE_" in the links) — this simple failure to follow very simple setup instructions may have been why he was not approved as a member, as Webring owners usually checked this. His Fastcounter link is also broken. His guestbook code appears to come from someone called "Starytime"; since Lycos's guestbook system is broken, we have no idea if he badly copypasted this too (hijacking some poor sod's guestbook in process), or if it really was Chris's guestbook.

=== Sonichu-Fans ===

Sonichu-Fans was a small sub-site of Sonichu.net, created by [[PandaHalo]], and meant for use by Chris's [[fans]]. Most of the site's features were never really created. Its most notable feature was "Sonichu fan chat", a Java IRC applet that connected to [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|Rizon's #sonichu channel]]. In the days following its introduction, Chris appeared in the fan chat in person a few times.

=== Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack ===
{{main|Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack}}

After the nuclear winter following the release of [[Sonichu 8]], Chris made a solemn promise not to release any more naughty imagery. Naturally, he had to break this vow when the Sonichu Girls forum members asked nicely. (Actually, they didn't as much ''ask'' as they merely ''happened to exist,'' and Chris thought up something nice for them.)

== Hosting history ==

=== Primordial origins ===
The originial incarnation of the Sonichu Site was hosted on the near-legendary free host for crappy personal web pages, Tripod, at <nowiki>http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm</nowiki> (http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm). As the site was launched back when it was not yet a crime to violate aesthetics and common sense in web design, Chris's page blended right in.

Chris even reminisces about his "Sonichu Site Filing Facility Hosted by Tripod" in [[Sonichu 10|Issue 10]] — not that it makes any frigging sense. It is probably just some sort of a comic-page manifestation of a psychotic break. He even calls this "burning the Tripod bridge". The fact that trolls hacked the site must have been particularly traumatizing to Chris.

In the comic, Chris-Chan Sonichu defeats some bad-acid-inspired devil trolls, moves his files away from Tripod and bombs the crap out of the site, then says "Tripod was weak, in security, and it lacked the support for Flash media, anyway". In truth, the fact that Chris's site was hacked was entirely due to his weak passwords and sloppy security practices (for example, in security questions, he has put in answers that could be looked up from the web; everyone knows his [[Mary Poppins|favourite film]]). And fascinatingly enough, [[CWCipedia]] doesn't support Flash either — otherwise, we'd be thrilled to see what kind of craziness his two HTML classes could inspire him to create in Flash.

=== [http://sonichu.net sonichu.net](2007 - January 2009) ===

Established in [[2007]] sometime after trolls registered sonichu.com. (In Christian's words, "nothing but net.") Was hacked at least twice (read: Chris gave out his passwords). Sonichu.net was hacked in [[January 2009]] by [[Gregg Mays]], prompting Chris to show his [[fangs]]. The domain was sold on [[eBay]] and is currently used to host a [[parody]] CWCville homepage. In February 2010, it was turned into a Meatspin mirror.

=== [http://www.sonichu.info sonichu.info] (January 2009) ===

Quickly established in [[January 2009]] to replace sonichu.net, and just as quickly hacked. The site now redirects to [http://www.sonichu.110mb.com sonichu.110mb.com]. When the man takes you away, do not resist.

=== [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com sonichuandrosechu.com] (Early 2009 - August 2009) ===

After a hiatus Chris finally relaunched his site here. It lasted a little longer until he gave his password to [[Julie]] with predictable results. This incarnation is most notable for seeing the debut of Chris's official Rule 34 section, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]]. As of August, the website is down.

=== [http://www.cwcville.com cwcville.com] (April 2009 - May 2009) ===

After another hiatus, Chris relaunched his site at this new domain on 9 [[2009#April|April 2009]]. Since Chris doesn't know how to manage the mess of links he has created, some remain broken such as the one to [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], so you'd have to change the domain name to visit it. Da major update he made to this site was to paste his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|autobiography]] after it got deleted from [[Wikipedia]].

On 15 [[May 2009]] it was hacked yet again, and featured gay pride imagery and a message that demanded the completion of [[Sonichu 9]]. This was later replaced with images of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Vanessa Hudgens]], some of the pictures suggesting that they have some sort of a [[sweethearts|relationship]]. As of August, the website is down.

=== [[CWCipedia]] (July 2009 onward) ===

In late [[July 2009]] Chris finally began to use the [[CWCipedia]], a wiki given to him by [[Cogsdev]] so that he could share his version of events with the [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]. Predictably, it wasn't long before Chris started abusing the free webspace provided by using it as his defacto new site. As of early August he's not only uploaded every comic, but the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|debut album]] of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]. CWCipedia has been locked down twice, first time due to Chris posting unauthorized advertisements, the second time in February 2010 due to DMCA claim by [[Evan]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|Banner
Image:193-soniclgo.jpg
Image:194-SchuSteLgoIdea2.jpg
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg
Image:196-Schulgo.jpg
Image:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg
Image:198-cwctop50.jpg
</gallery>

== See also ==

* [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]]
* [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]

== Links ==
* [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/ A archived of version of the original Sonichu site in all of its retarded and fugly glory]

[[Category:Chris's websites]]

CWC's Pokésite 1

2010-02-27T16:37:53Z

BanjoSplice:

'''CWC's Pokésite 1''', originally referred to simply as '''CWC's Pokésite''', is a website with news and links on [[Pokémon]] created by [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. It was Chris's first babystep towards his long career of website-making. The page was launched somewhere between April 25 [[1999]] (when the domain was reserved) and July 3 1999 (when Chris got the first replies in his guestbook, from his parents). The quality of the site is actually relatively good, leading to the assumption that it was made as a school project. The site apparently had a Spanish translation, El PokéSite de RWC <ref> This is mentioned on El PokéSite de RWC 2 http://web.archive.org/web/20000520005332/homepages.go.com/~christianchandler/RWCste.htm</ref>; there are, however, no traces left of this page. Chris lost interest in the project quite soon, and by the end of July 1999, it had already been replaced by the much crappier-formatted [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].
==References==
<references />

==External Links==
[http://web.archive.org/web/19990902144020/http://pokemon.acmecity.com/james/190/ Archive.org's copy of the site]

==See Also==
*[[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
*[[Sonichu.net]]

{{Stub}}

[[Category:Chris's websites]]

CWC's Pokésite 1

2010-02-27T16:37:05Z

BanjoSplice:

'''CWC's Pokésite 1''', originally referred to simply as '''CWC's Pokésite''', is a website with news and links on [[Pokémon]] created by [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. It was Chris's first babystep towards his long career of website-making. The page was launched somewhere between April 25 [[1999]] (when the domain was reserved) and July 3 1999 (when Chris got the first replies in his guestbook, from his parents). The quality of the site is actually relatively good, leading to the assumption that it was made as a school project. The site apparently had a Spanish translation, El PokéSite de RWC, <ref> This is mentioned on El PokéSite de RWC 2 http://web.archive.org/web/20000520005332/homepages.go.com/~christianchandler/RWCste.htm</ref>; there are, however, no traces left of this page. Chris lost interest in the project quite soon, and by the end of July 1999, it had already been replaced by the much crappier-formatted [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].
==References==
<references />

==External Links==
[http://web.archive.org/web/19990902144020/http://pokemon.acmecity.com/james/190/ Archive.org's copy of the site]

==See Also==
*[[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
*[[Sonichu.net]]

{{Stub}}

[[Category:Chris's websites]]

Sonichu 10

2010-02-26T21:39:25Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not=so=subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis, he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''breaks Mao with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that is slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, it shows Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) reveal that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems and he begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags as she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. They find Simonla and she isn't doing well. She hands Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of where her murderer is and Wild declares revenge.

The two pages in the preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed her. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]].

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sandy Rosechu

2010-02-25T18:28:16Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|right|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]
{{Squote|1=Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|2=Sandy|3=[[Sonichu 10]]|size=300%|Color=black}}
'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the daughter of Simonla Rosechu, with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:SchuComic11P81.jpg/ death page] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg reminiscing about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a Rosechu in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will never be heard from again.

==External Links==
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1/ Sonichu #10]

{{Sonichu}}

{{stub}}

PS3 Tutorial for my fans

2010-02-25T05:42:28Z

BanjoSplice:

'''PS3 Tutorial for my fans''' is the second video uploaded by Christian on February 24th, [[2010]]. In the classic tradition of videos like [[Sonichu Powerpoint]], Chris goes aimlessly on and on trying to explain something complicated beyond his comprehension, this time to his mystery birthday guest.

While most people who enjoy video games would invite guests they have over to multiplayer games (such as [[LittleBigPlanet]]), Chris demonstrates his skills as a host by having his guest sit there with the camera, filming the screen as Chris babbles about menus. The mysterious manchild manager obviously has the patience of a saint, feigning polite interest in everything Chris shows him. He does, however, take the opportunity to film a few of the more curious items adorning Chris's walls.

==The Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = PS3 Tutorial for my fans
| image = {{#ev:youtube|rdm0GHgvoGw}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 24 February 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[PS3]]
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy
| Saga = N/A
| previous = [[Magical Man Potion]]
| next = [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|Current]]}}
</center>

== Transcript ==

'''Chris:''' [''fragmented sentence''] ...[[South Park]] theme.

'''Guest:''' Ha-ha!

'''Chris:''' It makes little..[''begins flicking back and forth on the [[PS3]]''] noises when you, between it. [[Speech Impediment| Ess]]. Circle. [''PS3 squawks in response to Chris's fumbling'']]

'''Guest:''' Oh, that's cool.

'''Chris:''' Oh, wait a minute. [''unintelligible'']...triangle.

'''Guest:''' That's really yellow. [''chuckle''] How do ya sign into the-the Playstation Network?

'''Chris:''' [''still flicking around''] Well first of all yo make sure your system- er, your console is up to date with version 3.15 which ah, you find that out after you ah, log in- you get on the- you get your Playstation 3 internet capable. [''Our mystery guest injects with "right"'']

'''Guest:''' [''interrupting blathering''] That's like an automatic update?

'''Chris:''' [''trying to talk over the guy for a bit''] Yeah, then you go to System Update here, and you update via internet. Course, y'know it'll give you different than that. [''addressing the extremely blurry screen'']]

'''Guest:''' Mm-hm.

'''Chris:''' And it'll tell you that you need to update it. Anyway once you got that you can definitely sign in; in that case you'll want to make yourself a new account. And, uh, I mean obviously I got mine in there [''Our incognito imbroglio makes more affirmative noises''] But-but still to sign in you'll have to have- to make a new Play-playstation network account.

'''Guest:''' [''odd tone''] Okay.

'''Chris:''' And uh, that wheres it'll take you to the process of putting in your [[14 Branchland Court|address]], phone number, and name-

'''Guest:''' And it'll just walk you through it?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Guest:''' Okay-

'''Chris:''' Anyway when you go to sign in [''demonstrating poorly''], I recommend you [[CWC's Sonichu Site!| not to save the password, but write in down.]]

'''Guest:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' But- you can- And then you can memorize it, I definitely got mine memorized. [''more goddamn squawking from the machine''] I use the wireless keypad.

'''Guest:''' [''after an awkward beat''] Oh snap, there's a keypad on those things!

'''Chris:''' [''[[Autism|demonstrating able conversational skills]]''] Yeah.

'''Guest:''' That is wild- I didn't know-

'''Chris:''' It's attached-

'''Guest:''' Oh, okay; I was like [''slight falsetto''] "I don't remember those".

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and money| It was worth it, I think it was like 20 bucks.]] Anyway then you can asess, uh, all your, uh all your- your own profile and everybody elses [''zoom in on Sonichu, Chris's PSN'']. And then of course with your trophy- because you can definitely sink the trophies you earn into games and let you know what level your at- I'm at level 12, got 739 trophies.

'''Guest:''' [[List of Chris's games| Good lord.]]

'''Chris:''' Then of course you put in side your personal- My online ID is [[Sonichu]]-

'''Guest:''' [''laughs and adopts an officious tone''] "About me: I am Chris Chan" Heh, I like that.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and his ego| Yeah, that works.]] Oh, and uh, also on this part here you can change the backi- you can change the color. [''demonstrates once more'']

'''Guest:''' Oh, that's cool.

'''Chris:''' That's from one of the curr- the recent updates. And of course you can start a new chat with the [[PSEye|Playstation eye with the microphone in there]] or just chat [[Mumble|audio only]] with a headset.

'''Guest:''' Mkay.

'''Chris:''' [''more fucking moving around''] Add friend, block list there. And of course, Account Management, here, you go in there and put in and remove your credit or debit card information. I mean yeah, I put it in then added the amount I want and I delete it. And then of course [''scrolls down''] you can change your email address, uh password, all that good stuff.

'''Guest:''' That's cool

'''Chris:''' [''talking over yet again''] And the avatars are are fun, y'know, you get a lot choose from. I bought all the [[LittleBigPlanet]] ones; I had to [[Monthly Tugboat|purchase]] all of those ones. I mean, it was feature thing but I still [[Chris and remorse|kick myself today]] for getting all the LittleBigPlanet avatars. [''??? laughs softly''] But yeah you still get a lot to choose from-

'''Guest:''' Is that..George Clooney? [''Chris hunts around a bit''] Up one. That looks so much like George Clooney.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I don't think so. I think- maybe that's the guy from Wanted?

'''Guest:''' That might be it.

'''Chris:''' [''yawn-tastic scrolling''] Then we got [[Eye of Judgement]] characters. Of course all the ones you get under LittleBig Planet are the ones you get right off the bat.

'''Guest:''' Right

'''Chris:''' Ratchet and Clank, Uncharted, Killzone, [''slight unison with guest''] Kratos, yeah. Whole buncha- whole bunch of good ones- does are [''indicates some avatars''] those are, Calling All Cars- its a downloadable game.

'''Guest:''' Boy, you got a ton of 'em.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you get all these right off the bat. But if you want the more current avatars they're coming out with you have to pay- you have to pay for them. Then you can also, you know, redeem codes, like uh, you know, for a promotions, just punch in the four digits at a time from the box and you take it. And then you can got to your transaction management. Like you know, thats where you gotta go from here [''displays avatar menu icon''] from your credit-debit card, to transfer here, to the wallet. And I would definl- make it have to require password to checkout.

'''Guest:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' -In case somebody does come in. Then you can look at your transaction history, you can look as far back, as uh, when I got this thing, which was back in uh, St Patrick's day

'''Guest:''' Oh, that's cool.

[''Screen displays a [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|list]] of [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|purchases]].'']

'''Chris:''' So that's pretty much the origin point, you know, first time I downloaded off Playstation network was, you know, a few demos off of...

'''Guest:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Few Demos.

'''Guest:''' That's cool.

'''Chris:''' And yeah, like I said you can add lots more than that. And then you get your list of downloads, between the uh, video and game section. Oh, and also, you know, the current update. [''Screen scrolls to a [[Facebook]] icon.''] You can adjust the settngs so- adjust the setting and features in facebook, to make uh, your trophies visible to everybody else. Of course, you have to activate your- activate your system between this- between your PS3 or PSP...

'''Guest:''' Mmm-hmmm.

'''Chris:''' To make it able to play the games and videos you download respectively. And of course on the PSP, you gotta do game, and video and comics, because only the PSP does the digital comics.

'''Guest:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' You can only download them basically through the PSP.

'''Guest:''' Oh yeah.

'''Chris:''' Only on the PSP. With the playstation-

'''Guest:''' I had- I had a friend who had the PSP, he had the star Trek Comic, the prequel to the new Star Trek Movie.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I-

'''Guest:''' He had that one.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, Yeah- of course you know, you could definitely sample in the free ones. [''Playstation store come up onscreen''] And then you go to the PlayStation store. And this- and by default it takes you to the games section. You can check out the new releases. They come out with new Playstation One classics every once in awhile there every moth. Course all demos are free, selected add-ons you have to pay for them, but yet some add-ons are free. And yeah that's where you can- Oh! They added more avatars now.

'''Guest:''' Oh, cool.

'''Chris:''' For Mag. Huh. For 59 cents ea- 49 cents for the Mag ones.

'''Guest:''' That's not too bad.

'''Chris:''' Although here for [[LittleBigPlanet]], yeah. That was pretty much the same thing but I got them in uh, I got the LittleBigPlanet ones in the bundles, which uh, you know, was less expensive than getting them individually. Then of course you get your games here. You can view em all by title, so you can make sure you don't- you don't miss out on every single freebie...

'''Guest:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between demos and add-ons. And of course, they have uh ones that are for PSP as well.

'''Guest:''' I'm getting cold. I just got back from the Yoga, so my body's all warmed up...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Guest:''' It's cooling off now.

'''Chris:''' And of course you can download uh, themes and avatars uh, from you know just basic themes where the background is not in motion, or the premium themes which uh, actually you have to pay for.

[''As Chris drones on, the guest/cameraman takes the camera off the screen and starts panning around Chris's walls. Clear shots of the [[The Simpsons|Marge Simpson]] playboy centerfold, Chris's [[Copyright]], [[The Wall of Originals|the Wall of Originals]] and a variety of sonichu drawing.'']

'''Guest:''' Mmm Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Heh. Check it out you can get the "Babealishous" themes.

[''Camera returns to the screen, now showing a bunch of swimsuit model avatars'']

'''Guest:''' Oh cool. Oh Oh! Second row in the middle, down one. Oh it' Dina Fonchez, for some reason I thought it was Betty Paige for a second.

'''Chris:''' They're organized alphabetically. I don't see bet- I don't see Betty Paige. Of course you can preview these as well, even in full screen.

[''Screen is overtaken by a photo of a swimsuit model'']

'''Guest:''' Oh that's cool.

[''Screen switiches between two photos of a hot chick a few times'']

'''Guest:''' I like that one!

'''Chris:''' Heh heh. Yeah. And then of course you got the dynamic themes, where most of the time you do have to pay for those.

'''Guest:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' Of course you can check them out in preview mode as well.

[''Screen is overtaken by a CGI render of dude in a [[Muscle bra|muscle shirt]].'']

'''Chris:''' Some of them animated, some of them just in still.

'''Guest:''' [''Laughs'']

'''Chris:''' That's for Pain. It's a fun game.

'''Guest:''' I like that one. What's uh, what is pain about?

'''Chris:''' Oh. that's a fun- that's a fun game uh- look that up here.

[''Screen changes to description for Pain'']

'''Chris:''' here you go. It's the funnest game in town. [''Chris begins reading the description aloud''] "Load character into a supersized ultra-powerful slingshot, and lauch then into an active, physics-controlled enviornment filled with precarious and humorous situations. Score points by stringing together painful collisions and unleashing chaos on the downdown enviornment. Join the Pain online community to keep up with Pain's ever growing gameplay. Compete with uh- compete with others worldwide on the global Leaderboards. [''It should be noted that Chris prounounced leaderboards "Lawerboards".''] See you in Pain!" And the features include crash course, uh, this is for the basic one right here.

'''Guest:''' [''Disinterested''] Mmm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' This crash course tutorial, detailed downtown, pain for your character in difficult situations, single player, Paindimonium, aftermath, mime toss, and [[Mass Debating|spank the monkey]]. Three multiplayer modes, show off your skills to earn over 50 trophies, and learn how to lock new game features in the trophy room.

[''Video abruptly ends.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Magical Man Potion]]|nextlink=[[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|Current]]|}}

Magical Man Potion

2010-02-24T21:53:52Z

BanjoSplice:

'''[[fapcup|Magical Man Potion]]''' is a video released 24 [[February 2010]]. It appears Chris is goofing around with his new camera and trying out the special effects software that came with it. In this video, we see Chris mixing together some sort of [[Navy|vile potion]] that temporarily transforms him into someone who's not Chris, and therefore better. Notable in that it features an [[Troll|unknown individual]], the first time a person not related to Chris has appeared in one of his videos. In this video we find Chris fooling around with some unknown beverages and [[April_16_Fetish_Vids#Fanta:_Semen_Flavor|mixing them]]. Chris then proceeds to drink the [[Semen|concoction]] and transforms into an unknown person. This person is wearing Chris's clothes, but interestingly, the medallion is not [[Sonichu]] but rather an [[Asperchu]] medallion. The unknown person then grumbles in pain from the semen and turns back into an autistic fat bastard. The only known humans/animals who have ever breached the sanctum of Chris's bedroom until now are [[Bob Chandler]] and Angry [[Cat]].

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Magical Man Potion
| image = {{#ev:youtube|wO8ML-7LnSA}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 24 February 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter =
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy, {{Comedy}} Comedy
| Shirt = [[image:Orangeshirt.png]] Orange
| Saga = N/A
| previous = [[Christian Love Day (video)]]
| next = [[Magical Man Potion|Current]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mixes various liquids together through the first part of this video. There are quite a few jump cuts as he mixes his "concoction".'']

'''Chris:''' Mhaaha haah hah hah ha ha (camera skip) ha hah aha ahah. We are going to make a concoction today uh uh uh ababenerch and a little squ-wirt,... let's mix'er well AH AH HA ha ha HA. Furry.

[''Chris drinks the concoction'']

'''Chris:''' It's not bad.

[''Chris makes a series of gasping and coughing noises, posing dramatically all the while, before ducking behind a table. There is a camera transition, and an unknown man wearing an [[Asperchu]] medallion emerges.'']]

'''Unknown:''' WhoAh wow that's... not bad actually. Feeling pretty good, feeling a little anxious, frisky. If you were a guy like me could go get a little action? You know, I betcha I know I just...Ahhrrr gotta work... on 

[[''The unknown blond man makes a series of coughing and gagging noises, before ducking down once again. There is another camera transition, and Chris emerges.'']

'''Chris:''' Urhh urrhggg ahh. I need to work on the time length. To be continued.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Christian Love Day (video)]]|nextlink=[[Magical Man Potion|Current]]|}}

{{videos}}

Heart Torch of Fail

2010-02-23T02:55:54Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:508-HeartTorch.JPG|thumb|200px|right|The Heart-Torch in Real Life.]]
[[Image: Heart-Torch-Comic.jpg|thumb|200px|right|The Heart-Torch in ''Sonichu'' #4. Note the similarity between the branches and Christian's sleeved arm.]]
The exact significance of the '''Heart-Torch''' is unknown. Constructed from [[Pixelblocks]], it may represent [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris's]] resolve to persevere in his [[Love Quest]] in spite of [[Fail|setbacks]]. In other words, Chris is "carrying a torch" for his hypothetical [[Sweetheart]], i.e. holding out hope that he will one day find her (him), despite mounting evidence to the contrary.

The torch resembles a candelabra, with a long white column on a red base. At the top is a flaming heart, with a red-white-and-blue striped branch on either side, in the pattern of his [[Chris and fashion|favorite shirt]]. This is quite possibly the least offensive artwork Chris has ever produced, if only because it's an abstract sculpture; you can't exactly tell him that's not what a ''real'' Heart-Torch is supposed to look like.

In [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]] Chris depicts the Heart-Torch as one of the items he brought with him to the Mal-Wart region. Chris's records of his real life encounter with the [[W-M-Manajerk]] mention that he had been building things with Pixelblocks while he was at Wal-Mart, so he may have built the Heart-Torch there.

==Appearance in ''Sonichu'' #4==
After defeating [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], Chris is confronted by the W-M-Manajerk. Chris foolishly takes on the powerful cyborg in his human form, and is quickly overwhelmed.

Just as Chris begins to give up hope, he receives a vision of his ancestor, the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]]. who suggests that Chris use the Heart-Torch to win the battle. Chris argues that the Heart-Torch is only a Pixelblock construct, and the Cherokian explains that the [[Medallion#The Sonichu Medallion|Sonichu Medallion]] would impart special powers to the Heart-Torch, and enable Chris to summon his "dream sibling." Recognizing this as a reference to the [[Yu-gi-oh!]] card Chris drew years earlier, Chris follows his advice, escaping the Manajerk just long enough to grab the Torch and activate it with his powers.

After a burst of energy, the Torch disappears, leaving Crystal, now given physical form. Possessing powers similar to Chris, the two defeat the W-M-Manajerk, and Crystal begins a new life in [[CWCville]], most likely shopping and giving blowjobs for crack.

Since the Heart-Torch has not been seen since Crystal's materialization, it may be that the Torch itself transformed into Crystal, or it ceased to exist after having accomplished its sole function. Of note, the concept of a "heart torch" has obvious romantic implications, even though it apparently summons Chris's twin sister.

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category: Relics of Fail]] [[Category: Sonichu]] [[Category:Arts and Crafts]] [[Category: Plot Devices]]

2005

2010-02-22T20:36:38Z

BanjoSplice:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0790-CMas05-5.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2005'''.]]
[[Image:Jerkops2004.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]], in trouble with the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]].]]
[[Image:078-StarFront.jpg|thumb|A Sonichu-star Chris created in '''2005'''.]]
[[Image:Anamc.jpg|thumb|On '''29 March 2005''', [[Anna McLerran]] tells [[Chris]] that his [[Hanna|date]] was a troll.]]
[[Image:Sprung-20041214044341754.jpg|thumb|On '''5 April 2005''', Chris's letter about [[Sprung]] is featured in [[Nintendo Power Magazine]].]]
[[Image:0658-ANIME513.JPG|thumb|On '''17 June 2005''', Chris went to the [[Mid Atlantic Animé convention]].]]
[[Image:Target_Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|On '''20 July 2005''', Chris was arrested for loitering at his local [[Target]].]]
[[Image:0654-CWCsCar.JPG|thumb|On '''28 July 2005''', Chris is arrested for bad driving.]]
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|On '''5 November 2005''', Chris gets his first e-mail from [[Megan]].]]

The year '''2005''' was, in retrospective, Christian's most productive year, resulting in him drawing 4 issues of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Because of his expulsion from [[PVCC]], Chris had a lot of free time on his hands, allowing him to put much more effort into his [[love quest]]. June and July are characterized by a series of fights between Christian and the local authorities, resulting in a trial, and, according to Chris, severe traumatic scarring. In 2005 Christian also gained two of his most renowned friends, [[Anna McLerran]] and [[Megan Schroeder]]. The first, a Mormon Pac-Sun employee, Chris met whilst [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer|pacing the mall]] on his [[love quest]]. The second, a insecure female-otaku, he met playing [[Yu-gi-oh!]] at his local game store.

==Events of 2005==
* Summer - [[Christian]] meets [[Megan]] whilst playing [[Yu-gi-oh!]].

===January===
* January 9 - Christian sends in a personal ad to ''[[Nintendo Power Magazine]]''.
* January 29 - An "Abercrombie modle" who likes Sonic & Pokemon writes in Chris's guestbook, saying that she's seen him at the mall, but can't go up to him because the way he paces is so intimidating.
* January 29 - Another "hot girl" writes in Chris's guestbook, saying that he is a really down to earth guy, and he can meet her if he goes to Chick-fil-A.

===Febuary===
*February 3 - Chris registers at the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim message boards]].
* February 5 - [[Anna McLerran]] writes "[[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]]", an eyewitness report of Chris's [[Love Quest]]. Later, she becomes friends with [[Chris]].
* February 24 - Christian is snowed in, and therefore can't celebrate his 23rd birthday. It is postponed to the 26th.
* February 24 - Christian records his [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]. Submitted to Adult Swim.
* February 26 - Chris celebrates his 23rd birthday at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] with his friends and parents.
* February - [[Sonichu's News Dash]] #7 comes out.

===March===
* March 15 - [[Sonichu 0|Premiere issue]] of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]] (#0) is finished.
* March 15 - Christian publishes the [[Sonichu 0|Premier issue of Sonichu]] online.
* March 26 - Christian watches the last episode of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic X]]. He is touched.
* March 29 - Chris is approached by [[Hanna]] at [[Fashion Square Mall]]. Hanna asks him out for coffee, and he is thrilled that his [[Love Quest]] has been completed. After the informal date, [[Anna McLerran]] reveals to Chris that Hanna was [[troll]]ing him. He gets Hanna to confirm the truth and shouts "NOOOOOOOOO!" Chris writes about the incident in his [[CWC's Diary]] and adapts the story into [[Sub-Episode 2]]. Chris's outburst gets him banned from the mall (again) by [[ScotPalazzo]].
* March 31 - Christian draws ''[[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]''.
* March 31 - Sonichu's News Dash #8 comes out.
* March 31 - Chris updates [[Story of My Current Days]], and renames it to ''Story of my Love Quest Days''.

===April===
* April 5 - Christian's personal ad is featured in [[NP magazine]].
* April 24 - Christian draws ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]''.
* April - Sonichu's News Dash #9 comes out.

===May===
* May 25 - Christian uploads [[CWC's Cool Profile]] on AOL.

===June===
* June 17-19 - Christian attends the [[Mid Atlantic Animé convention]].
* June 20 - Christian draws ''[[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]''.
* June 20 - Chris is at the McDonald's in his local Wal-Mart when he is confronted by [[Merried Seinor Comic]] and [[B-Manajerk]], who call the police when he refuses to cooperate. Chris hides his [[Attraction Sign]] so he won't be accused of solicitation again, but he is kicked out of McDonald's for the day.
* June 22 - Christian returns to McDonald's, and has another argument with the B-Manajerk. B-Manajerk asks [[W-M-Manajerk]] to intervene, but Chris refuses to speak to all men except his father. Chris flees, flipping them off and issuing [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]s, and apparently almost hits one of the [[Manajerk]]s with his car. He speaks to Anna McLerran, who suggests sharing his story with the press; he gives up when he cannot find a non-male to speak with at the newspaper office. Finally, he reports the events of June 20-22 in his diary. These events would later be adapted in [[Sub-Episode 4]] and [[Sub-Episode 5]]
* June - Sonichu's News Dash #10 comes out. This is the final issue.

===July===
* July 20 - At [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], Chris is confronted by [[Manajerks]] for his loitering. When Chris refuses to leave, the police are summoned, and he is physically subdued and arrested. Chris is charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing; [[Marcus Baggett]] is the arresting officer. He is released into the custody of his family before the end of the day, and he writes in his diary about the [[stress]] of being crushed under the weight of the [[Jerkops]] and losing circulation in his hands from the handcuffs. These events would be dramatized later in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]].
* July 28 - Christian is arrested for "following too close" in his car. He claims that he caused an accident after a "math problem" got stuck in his head.
* July 29 - Christian goes to court for the trouble he made at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]]. He is not punished.

===August===
* August - Christian organizes [[Anna McLerran|Anna's]] farewell party.
* August - Chris hits on at least two girls on [[MySpace]].
* August 28 - Chris gets charged with trespassing.<ref>[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=MvBS3WP5u1YKSX9H%2bvB48vw%2bQwb9wuJ07KB2ZQBBrmg%3d&input=name]</ref>
* August 28 - Chris tailgates a cop.<ref>[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=MvBS3WP5u1YKSX9H%2bvB48vw%2bQwb9wuJ07KB2ZQBBrmg%3d&input=name]</ref>

===September===
* September 1 - Christian is arrested.
* September 6 - First hearing in the case against Christian concerning his arrest on July 20.
* September 12 - First and last hearing in the case against Christian concerning his arrest on July 28. He is fined $30, and has to pay $56 in costs.

===October===
* October 4 - Second and last hearing in the case against Chris concerning his arrest on July 20 (Nolle Prosequi, not prosecuted).

===November===
* November 2 - Christian draws [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]].
* November 5 - First Megan e-mail.

===December===
* December 20 - Megan tells Christian she doesn't like him kissing her, and she doesn't want a boyfriend.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Holiday Greetings

2010-02-22T20:29:57Z

BanjoSplice:

'''Holiday Greetings''' (officially '''12052009 - Holiday Greetings.MOV''') is a video uploaded on [[December 2009| December 5th, 2009]] and (for all practical purposes) the Chris-chan Christmas Special. His [[Chris and fashion|brightly-colored]] Goodwill jacket appears in this video and is distracting throughout.

In the video, [[Chris]], presiding over a snow drawing of [[Sonichu]], which has a ''totally unnecessary'' [[Chris_and_copyright|copyright symbol]] over it, delivers a short Christmas message about how he lit a candle in church and his hopes of a bright future for his Electric Hedgehog [[Pokemon|Pokémon]]. His religious fervor seems far less sincere than (and is quickly overshadowed by) his fixation with Sonichu. [[Chris and his Ego|Note]] that he subtly connects verses prophesying the coming of ''Jesus'' with the hope of turning ''Sonichu'' into a successful franchise.

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 12052009 - Holiday Greetings
| image = {{#ev:youtube|pEI63sKU3nI}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 05 December 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Comics.png]] [[Comic|Comics]]
| previous = [[Sonichu's Edge]]
| next = [[9 December 2009]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

Hmmm....

Holiday greetings to all... in my [[Trolls|fanbase]], and whate—and all that.

Happy holidays and... merry [[Christmas]], happy [[Hanukkah]]—[[Chris and religion|Konica]]... all those fun holidays. Anyway, I'm here—anyway, I come to you this day to wish you the holiday greetings, but also read to you what I have read the past Sunday before this Su— this coming Sunday, when I lit the first Advent candle.

The Gospel, according to Luke:

The gospel of Luke [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|''speaks'' about the future]]:

[''begins to read ''Luke 21:25-36]

"There will be signs from the Sun, [[The Moon|the moon]], and the stars... and on the earth, distress among nations. People will faint from fear and foreboding."

Because our world is full of [[Homos|fear]] and [[Virgin with rage|distress]]. We light our first candle, trusting that Christ is alive on earth and that [[Chris and religion|the Spirit of Christ lives among us]].

We trust you, we love you, we praise you. Amen.

And so I lit the first Advent candle at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|my church]] last Sunday.

[''gasps'']

Thank you all for your continued support, and we will make the... [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|franchise victorious!]] [''holds up an arm, as though he is Adolf saluting a four-boomerang-shaped symbol''] Yeah!

[''Chris walks to the camera and pans it down to a picture of Sonichu's head in the snow, with a copyright symbol next to it'']

[''Loudly and distorted (from being too damn close to the camera)''] Happy holidays to all.

==See also==
* [[Chris and Religion]]
==External links==

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonichu's Edge]]|nextlink=[[9 December 2009]]|}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

The Simpsons

2010-02-22T20:11:21Z

BanjoSplice:

{{Orphaned}}

'''The Simpsons''' is a cartoon about an extremely dysfunctional family, their daily life, and their various wacky adventures. At first the show was considered a classic, but over the years the quality has degenerated, with ridiculous storylines and token celebrity appearances now the order of the day. Of course, like all mediocre cartoons, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] loves it, although not as much as he loves the sub-par rip-off, [[Family Guy]].

[[Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|thumb|left|Chris even rips off Homer Simpson's catchphrase, "D'oh!"]]

==Similarities to Family Guy==
* As said before, Family Guy is almost a carbon copy of the Simpsons in many ways:
** Both shows center around dysfunctional families
** Both have three children (one of whom is overly intelligent)
** Both have a stay-at-home mother who inexplicably puts up with her insensitive, fatass husband's bullshit
** Both the fathers are [[Slow-in-the-minds|retards]].

Chris ripping off Family Guy, therefore, makes for a ripoff of a ripoff.

==The Show and Chris==

Unlike other bad shows, Chris seems to distance himself from it. However, he still seems to be a huge fan of the show, going so far as to video himself [[What%27s_the_Name,_Christian_Chandler,_C_H_R_I_S_C_H_A_N|singing his own version of the Mr. Plow remix]] that featured in a recent ''The Simpsons'' 20th anniversary special. When Chris finally [[Long_Island_Iced_Tea#Grip_.27n.27_Sip|decided to drink alcohol]], his drink of choice was the Long Island Iced Tea, influenced by an episode where Marge Simpson drank one. It also seems from the [[Secret Weapon]] video that at times Chris laughs like Nelson, a character of the series known for his signature "Ha-ha!" laugh. It recently seems that a poster of Marge's Playboy magazine cover has become one of his many defenses against becoming a [[homo|homo.]]

{{stub}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain

2010-02-21T01:02:54Z

BanjoSplice:

'''ShutUpBrain''' and '''WakeUpBrain''' are two rather peculiar videos that [[Chris]] uploaded to [[YouTube]] on [[2009#April|30 April 2009]].

The true origin and meaning of these videos is yet to be made clear. For some time before releasing the video, the manchild had been raving about how [[Ivy]] had corrected his [[biological clock|sleep cycle]], so it's possible that the videos are Christian portraying what it is like to be sleep-deprived during the daytime and insomniac at night. If true, Chris apparently blames his nocturnal habits on a combination of [[autism]] and/or [[stress]], to the shock of approximately no one.

It should be noted that he says "Wake up!" in the Shut up video, and "Shut up!" in the Wake up video. This could be evidence that his brain is just broken.

==ShutUpBrain==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = ShutUpBrain
| image = {{#ev:youtube|01Fdl5qi9MM}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 30 April 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| previous = [[CWC Update 29 April 2009]]
| next = [[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain#WakeUpBrain|Wake Up Brain]]
}}</center>

{{quote|Shut up, brain! Just shut up!}}

===Transcript===

''Hey!'' ''You're keeping me awake at night!'' ''What are you doing keeping me awake?'' Just ''shut up!'' Shut up! Don't make me stay awake!

I'm supposed to fall asleep! I need to be in dream land!

Wake up! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up, brain! Just shut up!

Shut up, or I'll ''make'' you shut up!

Shut up!

''SHUT UUUPPP!'' Shut up! ''SHUT UP!''

''Shut uuuuuuuuuppp!''

Sh'up!

==WakeUpBrain==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = WakeUpBrain
| image = {{#ev:youtube|iKj8CKGAWcQ}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 30 April 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| previous = [[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain#ShutUpBrain|Shut Up Brain]]
| next = [[For My Sweetest Ivy]]
}}</center>

{{quote|Wake up! Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup!}}

===Transcript===

Wake up! [''smacks himself in the head repeatedly''] Wake up, brain!

You're supposed to be thinking for me! Hey! [''smacks himself in the head''] I need you to give me some thoughts to-- some rational thoughts… for the situation that's at hand. C'mon, brain, wake up!

[''smacks himself in the head'']

Quit fallin’ asleep on me! You always get-- you always… get me in a bad situ-- you always put me in an awful situation when you… fall asleep on me. Wake up! [''smacks himself in the head again''] C'mon, wake up!

[''smacks himself in the head repeatedly'']

You'd better wake up, or I'm gonna g-- accidentally give myself amnesia one of these moments!

[''smacks himself in the head repeatedly and groans''] Okay.

[''starts smacking himself in the head at the end of every sentence''] Wake up! Just stay awake! Stay awake! Don't fall asleep on me! Don't make me zone out. Shut up! Wake up! Wake up! Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup!

''Wake up!'' ''Wake uuuppp!''

Wake up.

Yeah, you don't need to… zone out when I get stressed out. Just… stay awake, okay? Stay awake. Wake up!

''WAKE UP!''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 29 April 2009]]|nextlink=[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}
{{Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Harvey Birdman Commercial

2010-02-21T00:57:22Z

BanjoSplice:

In February [[2005]], Cartoon Network held a contest inviting viewers to make a '''commercial''' for the ''[[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law]] Vol. 1'' DVD set (or ''Harvey Dirdban'', as Chris likes to pronounce it). Always willing to earn fame and fortune with minimal effort, [[Christian]] stepped up and produced an advertisement promoting:

* Himself
* His eternal rivalry with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]
* [[Sonichu]]
* ...Harvey Birdman

The terms "Christian Weston Chandler" and "brevity" do not go hand in hand, but due to the contest rules specifying 28-30 second entries CWC delivers his pitch at a manic pace rather than omit anything from his agenda. One can only imagine the seventeen-minute Animal Crossing presentation Chris would have delivered, had he been allowed.

Chris did not win the contest, or even place in the top five. This inspired him to post a complaint on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim forums]] (to be precise, he posted the same complaint twice), but, for some reason, Chris's idea of justice was never served.

The commercial appears in somewhat poor quality on Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]], but he also uploaded a better version of the same footage to his original YouTube account some time prior to October 31, [[2007]].

==Appearance==

Chris's weight has fluctuated wildly, and during this period in his life he actually wasn't that fat. Not as fat as now, anyway. Also, if Chris were to record this today, he would almost certainly tear off his [[glasses]] for maximum effect.

==Chris's entry==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = Harvey Birdman Commercial
| image = {{#ev:youtube|9nrvreL3hdc}}
| Stardate = 24 [[February 2005]]
| Maker = Christian Weston Chandler
| Subject Matter = {{Television}}Television; Contest
| Performance Style = {{Comedy}}[[Random_access_humor|Comedy]]; {{Crazy}}Crazy
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt}}Classic
| Other = {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl]]
| next = [[Pixelated_PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

HELLO! I hired Harvey [[Speech Impediment|Dirdban]], Attorney at Law, to help ME, Christian Weston Chandler, in my case against Mary Lee Walsh, who, years ago, shattered my heart. And he has won the case for me, and he has won for me... a Harvey Birdman two-disc DVD box set which comes out April 12, [[2005]]!

Features deleted scenes! Live-action open! Casting what-ifs and [[Wikipedia:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Colbert]] and [[Wikipedia:Todd Barry|Todd Barry]] as Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law! Harvey Birdman movie! "Shaggy Busted" pencil tests! And episode commentary!

Let Harvey Birdman work for you!

This has been a Christian Chandler/Sonichu production. Thank you very much!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|nextlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Hello, Juffalo

2010-02-21T00:39:49Z

BanjoSplice:

"'''Hello, Juffalo'''" (or "'''Hello, Juffalo.MOV'''") is another video in which [[Chris]] fails at life, performing "Juggalo Family" by Dark Lotus.

Chris tries hard to act like a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]] by painting his face like a clown and imitating stereotypes of gangster subculture. He is close to having no flow, spending the majority of the time either mumbling the lyrics or not even reciting them at all. He also gives a shout-out to "[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo Juffalos]", which is apparently a Juggalo term for superficial poseurs who don't understand the depth and complexity of clown-related rap music.

This is the second time [[Homos|Chris wore makeup]], with the first time being shown in [[War Paint Video|War Paint Video]].

He dedicates this song to an unnamed [[gal pal]], whose influence likely explains the sudden influx of Chris-chan rap videos.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Hello, Juffalo
| image = {{#ev:youtube|_YWgTHW2NAg}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 December 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] Music [[Image:Galpals.png]] [[Gal pals]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt}} Straight White Lines
| previous = [[IPods Down and Listen Up]]
| next = [[20 December 2009]]
}}
</center>

===Transcript===
{{transcription}}

[[Captain's Log|Captain's Rockin' Log]], fans, and we're rockin 'it out loud with Juffalo family for my gal pal.

And you want to know if I'll trade ten Juggalos for a hundred mainstream fans, and I said, "I wouldn't trade ten Juggalos for a hundred thousand mainstream fans; ten Juggalos is priceless." I got love for my homies, members of the Lotus. United we stand, squashing all deadly fo-ces. Been to Hell, could've spent an eternity there. All the bad shit I done, I should still be there. Juggalos can ya feel me, worldwide, running with the hatchet straight out of Lotus Pod? Always got th' end screaming Juggalos [''indistinct, attempts to mumble lyrics''] Juggalos, Dark Lotus. Psychopathic, that's the way you go. They keep me going when I'm down and out. I pick phone up, drop them a line and hear them shout saying, "[''indistinct''] is the shit," until I'm down in the ground! I give a shout to all the [[homos]] and the [[china|chinas]] who keep me started. All my Juggalos always representing when departed.

[''mumbling stops, shouting begins''] [[Twin Falling Towers|Mass murder make me happy]]; [[Chris and death|dead bodies make me happy]]. Say what you will of me, I'll-always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family.

Six individual pelt over and stiff. They try to ride away don't follow my chain..there's be a dirt filled grit and grind. Goodbye Juggalo..[''mumbles''] What's mine is yours. That's why I go to a dark carnival and show you a different world. [''mumbles'']-juggalo, hatchet! [[Homos|Tell 'em I'm gonna be sucking your dick!]] Bitch be psychopathic! On my iPod be living it all along..[''mumbles'']- of the sunlight! [''mumbles'']-for so many years that I question the love in my heart. I hate everyone and I hate everything. Except all the Juggalos and the love that they bring! I love ya!

Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me, I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me, I'll always have a Juggalo family!

[''Chris struggles to keep up with the lyrics while ICP music is playing in the background'']—still be saggy, I wouldn't be fat; I'd still be hungry and crabby. We used to buy our own records at the stores, so they would think it was a hot seller, in other words. But we built a team of killers with the same dream, but we couldn't reach the top; we'd stay like Charlie Sheen. We finally realized we will always have the Juggalos. I'll never give another second to them other hoes!

Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will about me! I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; say what you will of me. [''indistinct''] of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family.

[''Chris makes retarded poses while slurring "Lotus, Lotus, Lotus, Lotus"'']

And they wanted to know if I would trade ten Juggalos for a hundred mainstream fans, and I said, "I wouldn't trade ten Juggalos for a hundred thousand mainstream fans; ten Juggalos is priceless."

Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways have a Juggalo family. [''clears throat''] Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways have a Juggalo family. [''fades out''] Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways got a Juggalo family.

==See also==
*[[Fan:Choose Your Own Adventure]], which predicted that Chris would become a Juggalo

==External links==
*[http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/darklotus/juggalofamily.html The actual lyrics]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[IPods Down and Listen Up]]|nextlink=[[20 December 2009]]|}}

{{Music Videos}}

That Goatee WILL Grow Back

2010-02-21T00:37:11Z

BanjoSplice:

'''That Goatee WILL Grow Back''' (officially '''Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back''') is a video from 31 [[July 2009]], in which [[Chris]] tries to go back to his old self to address concerns that he's an impostor based on the fact he doesn't wear his medallion, striped shirts, and having a goatee.

In it, Chris [[fail]]s at shaving while Lift Up Your Eyes by [[Wikipedia:Planetshakers|Planetshakers]] plays in the background for emotional effect. Because, you know, it's definitely not creepy to violently shave yourself to Christian pop-rock.

If Chris was smart and taught how to shave properly, he would have used shaving [[semen|cream]] (or at least some olive oil), soap, a mirror (which he got rid of to deter [[homos]]exual urges), and water, but because he's Chris he will have to put up with razor burn for the next two weeks.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back
| image = {{#ev:youtube|VdZXqEwaXkc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 31 July 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:classicshirt.png]] The Classic
| previous = [[CWC Update 29 July 2009| CWC Update 29 July 2009]]
| next = [[C.W.C. - Thank You :)| C.W.C. - Thank You :)]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

[''CWC removes his glasses and speaks inaudibly to the camera as "Lift Up Your Eyes" by the Christian church music group "Planetshakers" plays over him. He puts his glasses down, removes his waistcoat and takes off a medallion inscribed with the phrase "THE TIME OF MY LIFE", which he shows to the camera and then discards. Using a safety razor (but no cream), he begins taking vertical and horizontal swipes across his chin with alarming force. The head comes loose from the handle and falls to the ground. He picks it back up, reattaches it and resumes. After a few more strokes, he does this again. After further scraping, he seems to put this razor down and pick up a new one. The head falls off yet again and he reattaches it and continues. After more shaving, he stops to check for unshaven areas; he then resumes, checks, resumes, checks, finds it to his satisfaction and the video ends''.]

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Megatron pistol

2010-02-20T23:19:13Z

BanjoSplice:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Chris_CWC_angry_Pistol.jpg|thumb|The pistol in "[[CWC is Angry]]", next to what appears to be the [[Fapcup]].]]

The '''Megatron pistol''' is one of Chris's many [[relics of fail]]. More widely known as "Generation 1 Megatron," it's a robot from the [[Transformers]] toy line that can transform into a replica of a Walther P38 pistol and fire pellets. The realism of this make-believe "gun" was the source of some controversy back when the toy was originally released in the 1980s.

Because the toy was deemed too dangerous for children, manufacturers removed the ability to shoot pellets from the US version of this toy. This means Chris either imported the toy or bought the Masterpiece Edition Re-release. Either way, this toy costs well over $100USD and Chris bought it all with his [[tugboat]]. Knowing Chris and his idea of cleanliness, the toy is probably worthless now.

==Use in real life==

Chris uses the Megatron pistol to show his displeasure towards those who get in the way of his personal whims. Most infamously, Chris used it against a picture of [[Adam Stackhouse]] in a once-forgotten video now known as "[[CWC is Angry]]." The pistol has more recently appeared in the [[War Paint Video]], in which Chris insists that he's a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] while brandishing what appears to be a World War II-era German pistol.

==Use in the comics==
[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|The pistol in ''Sonichu Special 4''.]]

{{Quote|I know, but you shot him with a real gun in the comic. Like—like… he was my boyfriend, and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him a little? That's just weird. I just—I mean, like, I was expecting, like, you know, like, a magical fight, not like… you shooting him.|[[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|voicing some discomfort]]}}

[[Sonichu Special 4]] saw the first hand-drawn appearance of Chris's Megatron pistol. In an attempt to rescue Kacey from her [[CChanSonichuCWC|own boyfriend]], Chris drives as fast as he legally can to their house and enters uninvited. Liquid, fearing a home invasion, charges Chris with a knife. Chris sidesteps this attack and then goes on to disarm Liquid, throw him to the ground, and shoot him in both shins, permanently crippling him.

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Anime Wings

2010-02-20T21:33:13Z

BanjoSplice: wording

[[Image:Animewings.jpg|thumb|OMG LIEK SO KAWAII! =^O^=]]

The '''Anime Wings''' are a pair of wings [[Chris]] got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention that are clipped on to the hair. This accessory is usually worn by women; specifically, otaku fangirls (well really, how often do men wear hairclips?). Chris's pair somehow turn real when he transforms into Super [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] if he transforms while wearing them. This gives Chris-chan even more god-like abilities, granting him the power to fly.

The wings first appeared in [[Sonichu_3#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|''Sub-Episode 4'']] and are promptly knocked off of his head at the beginning of Sub-Episode 5, where they are... destroyed? Lost forever? Forgotten? Either way, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been shown to be perfectly capable of flying without them (probably because it's easier to draw).

== Super Chris-Chan Sonichu ==
[[Image:Superchrischansonichu.jpg|thumb|left|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]]

With the [[Anchuent Powers]], Chris-Chan can transform into Super Chris-Chan Sonichu if he has his anime wings on top of his head. They appear to be similar to [[Angelica Rosechu]]'s. As the transformation would make him ''super'', and thus more powerful than his original form, he would be wise to use this to his advantage in future comics. But alas, this concept was completely forgotten by Chris, just like the plot in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Honestly, what happened to [[Metal Sonichu]], or [[Bill The Scientist]]?

Another note to be made is that Chris-chan cannot come up with an original idea, so this had to be ripped off from something else. Due to his influence with [[Nintendo]], he most likely got the "Super" part of the name from Super Nintendo and the many SNES titles that included "Super" in their names. As for the actual wings part, it is probably stolen from ''Super Mario Bros.'''s Koopa Paratroopas, or from some anime. ''Super Mario 64'' has the wing cap that allows Mario to fly, so the former is more likely.

==See also==
*[[Anime]]

[[Category:Plot Devices]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Chris and fashion

2010-02-11T15:32:46Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|150px|right|Fashion is <s>cyclical</s> constant.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to spend thousands of dollars on video games, action figures, [[My Little Pony]]s and [[Kimmi|sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are exclusively purchased secondhand at thrift stores like Salvation Army and Goodwill. Therefore, the only clothes he owns are colorful, collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts that have been marinating in his [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|bodily stench and fluids]] for the past decade. Since most of them are decorated with horizontal stripes, they only make him look [[Obesity|fatter]].

In [[Mailbag 42]] it was revealed that at least one (the "Advice Dog" shirt) and possibly all of his shirts were purchased by his cruel, cruel [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] so people will notice the fact that he's [[Autism|"special"]] and [[Kick the Autistic|treat him with sympathy]]. Alternatively, the reason could also be the fact that the Chandlers aren't exactly what you'd call "fashion savvy". Despite his mother not being the one who dresses him anymore, Chris still chooses to wear these shirts possibly out of a strong aversion to "change", which is a common trait shared among autistic people. It has been debated amongst trolls that Chris would probably look somewhat-almost normal if he only wore a fucking t-shirt every now and then (sans video game/cartoon characters).

== Childhood ==
In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polo and tee shirts and khaki pants. The only difference compared to today is that he sometimes even dared to wear single-colored tee shirts or shirts with his [[Sonic the Hedgehog|favorite game]] and television characters on them. The only article of clothing he currently owns that doesn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme is the Pokémon T-shirt that he has owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it does not look good on him.

== Trademark clothing ==

[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|right|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

Chris's typical outfit consists of:

* His favorite shirt, a striped/weirdly patterned rugby shirt, which is so tight that it accentuates his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably draws himself wearing in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]].
* His [[Medallions of Fail|medallions]] (sporadically) / his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[Pedo-Glasses]] attached to the Glasses Chain of Fail.
* Jeans (It is likely that he wears women's jeans because they define his rear end to disturbing levels) or khaki slacks.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail]]
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt.
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for the many [[Chris and death|funerals that plague his existance]].

The newest addition to his wardrobe is the [[muscle bra]].

==The "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IBA]]" outfit==
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made [[trolls|friends]], Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a terrible goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (Glasses Chain of Fail remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that is too small for his girth.
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]

Unconfirmed reports state that he was seen walking around downtown [[Charlottesville]] blasting Guns 'n' Roses from a pocket radio and trying to pick up women.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clownshirts, and claimed that he was pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is [[autistic]], observers often speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. Either way, Christian seems to regard his shirt as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

Of note, during his conversation with [[Kacey]] while posing as [[Liquid Chris]] he claimed to also own a striped shirt like the "impostor". He expressed much joy at the fact that it was red, white, and blue, implying a patriotic view of the colors.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_October_27th%2C_2008|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_18th%2C_2009|3]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_19th%2C_2009|4]] [[CWC's_"It's_All_Coming_Back_To_Me"|5]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|7]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|8]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 22nd, 2009|11]] [[Show_RESPECT_to_me,_"C"CWC|12]] [[Sign_Destruction_Video|13]] [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|14]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_September_24th%2C_2008|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_Columbus_Day%2C_2008|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_6th%2C_2009|3]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_10th%2C_2009|4]] [[12_January_2010|5]] [[14_January_2010|6]] [[What's_the_Name,_Christian_Chandler,_C_H_R_I_S_C_H_A_N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"The Impostor" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_October_9th%2C_2008|1]] [[Chop_Chop_Onion's_Rap_Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_17th%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_March_4th%2C_2009|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_March_27th%2C_2009|3]] [[Challenge_for_Clyde_II|4]] [[15_October_2009|5]] [[9_December_2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_12th%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_March_10th%2C_2009|2]] [[Congrats,_Jack_Black|3]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain%27s_Log%2C_Stardate_August_3rd%2C_2008|1]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_12th%2C_2009|1]] [[More_for_the_crabs|2]] [[ECV_00081|3]] [[Bunny_Hop|4]] [[11052009_Kacey,_I_Love_You,_and_I_Need_You|5]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"Two-Faced" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_23rd%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain%27s_Log%2C_Stardate_May_3rd%2C_2009|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_May_3rd%2C_2009|3]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_August_6th%2C_2008|1]] [[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_8th%2C_2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_September_13th%2C_2008|1]] [[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_6th%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_9th%2C_2009|2]] [[I_am_devoted_to_My_Sweetest_Ivy|3]] [[Matthew_5_27%2C_CWC_Confessions|4]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_17th%2C_2009|5]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_May_22nd%2C_2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9_October_2009|8]] [[Warning_-_Naughty_Women_;)|9]] [[Old_Time_Rock_and_Roll_on_Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal_Legend|11]] [[3_December_2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris_Destroys_His_Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC_only_accepts_IN-PERSON_FEMALE_Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|8]] [[Hello,_Juffalo|9]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[This was my fault|1]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|2]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Joker" [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_January_21st,_2009|1]] [[CWC_Callout_for_Miss_Emily_and_Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!!_CHANDLER!!!|3]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris_Chan's_Public_Announcement|1]] [[A_Sonichu_Day|2]] [[Shout_out_to_Fans_in_Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa_the_Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51_50|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

== Wrist warmer ==

[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb]]

Ever wonder what that thing is behind Chris's neck?

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "Wilson" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>}}

Chris most likely wears it as a counter to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among [[Autism|autistics]], in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

== Cosplaying Chris ==

[[Image:Chris chan cosplay.jpg|thumb|right|Christ, you can tell this world is totally fucked up when people start cosplaying AS Chris!!!]]

Chris appeared in his [[Pokémon|Ash Ketchum]] costume from around [[2000]] to [[2004]]. It was originally created as a Halloween costume in either [[1998]] or [[1999]].<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref> He proudly wore it to [[The GAMe PLACe]] every week<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> and to the 2004 [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention. With it, he won a costume contest against 5 kids dressed up as Team Rocket. The prize was a t-shirt.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref>

The Ketchum-style trainer outfit consists of:
* Faux-denim vest
* Cut up gardening gloves
* Pokémon League ballcap
* Fanny-pack (Also known as a 'belly-bag' and a 'bum-bag' to Britfags)
The ensemble is usually accompanied by a yellow ''[[Pokémon]]'' tee-shirt, or white ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'' tee-shirt underneath (see gallery below).

Chris can no longer wear this costume due to his [[obesity|obscene girth]].

<center><gallery>
Image:0501-CWCAsh2.jpg
Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|HOT ROD 138, I c-ch-choose you~!
Image:0503-CWCAsh4.jpg
Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|This is the most depressing thing ever seen by man kind.
Image:501-100 0534.JPG|A sketch of the costume. It's so brilliant, its voluptuous lines and shading caresses your eyes like a sensual piece of chocolate dipped velvet...
Image:502-CWCsAshVest.JPG|Dat hat is a-pretty-a-goddamn dirty
</gallery></center>

==Sauce==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Apologies to Alec and Evan

2010-02-11T02:06:27Z

BanjoSplice:

Right after giving Mao a [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], [[Chris]] "[[Lies|apologizes]]" to [[Evan]] and Alec, two of Mao's compatriots from [[Asperpedia]]. He seems to hope that this concession will help convince them to remove some of their ads on the [[CWCipedia]], which, in addition to exposing Chris's lies and hypocrisy, have become fearfully pornographic.

However, Chris studiously avoids mentioning the character that is the real bone of contention with Evan: not [[Fan:Asperchu|Asperchu]] or [[Fan:Simonchu|Simonchu]], but [[Simonla Rosechu]], his [[Chris_and_art#Plagiarism_and_stealing|shameless imitation]] of Simonchu.
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Apologies to Alec and Evan
| image = {{#ev:youtube|gvPYdS25pKY}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 1 February 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Website.png]] Website
| Performance Style = [[Image:Reason.png]] Reason
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Redstripeshirt.png]] Red Stripe
| previous = [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.]]
| next = [[5_February_2010|I Am Alive]]
}}
===Transcript===
Ahh, Captain's Log, February 1st, 2010. I would like to take this moment to [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] to Mr. Alec Benson Leary for the curses, and the [[Death threats|death threats]], and mislabelings I have placed upon him. Such as, uh, not reading his own fan- his own quote-unquote "fanmail" and all that. So I apologize for stealing- for misunderstanding his [[Asperchu]] as being a parody and labeling it as such. As much as it is ''his'' original character.

Asperchu is Alec Benson's Leary charac- Alec Benson's... [''squints in a retarded concentration''] [[Autism|Try saying that three times fast with plurals]]. Heh. Asperchu is Alec Benson Leary's [[CWC-isms|all-creation]]. Not mine. And I retra- and I retract all the past statements I have made, uh, against that, and of his book being anything [[parody|parodic]] or copycatishly to anything in my uh, anything in my book.

Um... Anyway, uh, along with that I also would like to apologize to Evan for offending him and by clai- and by taking false claim of his Simonchu character. And uh, I'm happy to give that back to him, and I retract ''all'' ownership of the Simonchu character. [''Pauses in a retarded contemplation, leaning forward and opening his mouth again before continuing''] And I leave you all with that! So, yeah. My apologize, my apolo- my respective apologies to all of y'all on the Asperpedia, uh, I hope we can get along and maybe be less offensive advertise-wise. Okay. [''[[Stress sigh|sigh]]''] Be safe and have a good day!
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.]]|nextlink=[[5_February_2010|I Am Alive]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Simonla Rosechu

2010-02-11T01:38:35Z

BanjoSplice:

{{Ongoing}}

'''Simonla Rosechu''' (aka '''Simonla''', pronounced like ''Simolna'') is an orange [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]] who can turn her arms into drills and dig underground. She also has a drill at the end of her tail.

Originally a [[troll|fan]] character submitted by Evan named '''Simonchu''', [[Chris]] instead added breasts and a [[china]] and turned it into Simonla so he'd have something to [[mass debating|masturbate]] to.

==Background==
Evan told Chris he got his drills from being raised by Beedrill, though any bona fide weeaboo knows the drills and the name come from Simon the Driller, from ''[[Wikipedia:Gurren Lagann|Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]]''. Interestingly, in his [[Apologies to Alec and Evan]] video, Chris pronounces Simonchu as ''Sigh-Mon-Chu'' and not ''See-moan-chu'', meaning that:

*Chris has never seen Gurren Lagann before, much to the relief of many fans and
*Simonla's pronunciation would be ''Sigh-mon-lah''.

Her actual character biography is basically non-existent. While the members of the [[Chaotic Combo]] all have their own retarded little backstories to explain where they came from and what they're doing together, Simonla just shows up one day, ready to strip naked and present backdrops. Where she's been and why she never helped with all the crazy shit that happens in [[CWCville]] is never addressed. At all.

[[Evan]] eventually clears it up in his Simonchu comic: Simonla is a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|female clone]] of Simonchu, sent back in time to befriend the other Electric Hedgehogs so that Chris can prove [[Wild]] is STRAIGHT to the trolls in order to cover up [[Asperchu|Alec's SLANDEROUS portrayals]]. This explains, somewhat, Chris's constant references to Simonla and Simonchu being siblings, though it may be more accurate to consider Simonla a daughter to Simonchu. [[lie|Chris is sure to integrate this creative and interesting plot twist into his own comic immediately]], [[Mitch Sonichu|just as he expects other people to change their comics to match his ideas]].

==Development==
[[Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png|thumb|Before...]]
On 26 August 2008, Evan posted on his [[DeviantArt]] account:<ref>http://evang-y.deviantart.com/art/Simonchu-96132351</ref>

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
My Sonichu fancharacter.

Simonchu
Age: 14
Ground/Electric

Simonchu was originally a Pikachu, raised by a swarm of Beedrill. However, when Perfect Chaos attacked Station Square, the Pikachu and Beedrills watched from a nearby forest. In the middle of the battle a flash of pure Chaos energy was released, killing all the Beedrills. The Pikachu, however, was able to absorb the Chaos energy and use it to evolve. Depressed due to his parents' demise, Simonchu took his parents' drills and dug deep underground, leaving no one in CWCville to know of this unique Sonichu and his awesome powers.

until today...

...
[[Image:Simonla.jpg|thumb|...and after. Chris has the reverse Midas touch - everything he touches turns to shit.]]

Now I really must send it to him and hope he includes Simonchu in another issue. He is JUST bad enough to fit into Sonichu. </div>

Three months later, Chris did use the character, as he had wanted to create a ground-type Sonichu or Rosechu character. He could have used Simonchu, as he had Evan's permission to, but, feeling that he had enough Sonichu characters (or, more likely, needing material to [[mass debating|mass debate]] to), he decided to turn Simonchu into Simonla (playing off Simone, the feminine form of Simon), because to Chris, tits = better. Chris-chan also misinterpreted the cloak Simonchu wore as some sort of shell, judging by Simonla's line, "My shell is removable!"

Chris has claimed on Simonla's CWCipedia page that in Episode 20 he will introduce Simonchu as a ground (and only ground) type. [[Lie|He never showed up.]]

===Forced Romance===

{{Quote|plus pairing Simonla with Wild as a couple; that GIVES multiple meanings to the phrase "Opposites Attract."|Chris, [[Mailbag 21#Why no Tails?|completely failing to explain anything]].}}

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], Simonla attends the [[Dating education|dating classes]] and is eventually paired up with Wild Sonichu. Chris-chan had previously revealed this to Evan in the ancient Sonichu IRC chatroom, but it ended up creating one of the most horrific pages in Sonichu history.

===Evan's Response===

In late [[December 2009]], [[Evan]] [[Mailbag 22#Evan: back with a vengeance|e-mailed Chris]], accusing him of lying about the resolution Chris claimed to have worked out with him. Chris [[Rejected Mailbag#Let Me Get Back To You On That|ignored]] this e-mail.

Four mailbags later, Evan [[Mailbag 26#It isn't theft if Chris dumps a boyfriend on them|once again]] petitioned Chris, this time saying Chris was stealing his character. Evan politely asked Chris to kill Simonla in the comic, yet Chris responded by saying that he could not write out Simonla, as she was [[Wild]]'s girlfriend, and that he shouldn't be a monster for wanting to do so.

Evan [[Mailbag 35|tried again]], tired of it all, where Chris pointedly refused once more. Disillusioned with Chris, Evan allowed [[Asperchu|the creator of ''Asperchu'', Alec Benson Leary]], to feature Simonchu as one of Sonichu's friends. Whilst Simonchu is portrayed as a homosexual in the comic, [[Mailbag 40#Simonchu_swings_both_ways|Evan confirmed in an e-mail to Chris that Simonchu is bisexual]], and that Alec treated the character with far more respect than changing his gender without permission. Chris still persists with his refusal, on the grounds that depriving Wild of his girlfriend would be awful.

Evan would ask Chris to remove Simonla once again in [[Mailbag 43]]. Chris responded with one of his most bizarre and megalomanical statements yet, explaining that Simonla "didn't want" to leave CWCville, and that Evan himself "moves on" under the influence of [[Chris and his ego|Chris's Directorial Powers.]] Chris would later claim that Simonla should be considered an original character, since Chris could have, theoretically, come up with the concept on his own, with the fact that he actually based her on Simonchu's design more or less a coincidence:

{{quote|...IF I start with a Normal Rosechu, give her ground and dirt for skin, add some Drills, Natural Second Transparent Eyelids, an Armadillo Shell with a Drill Spot for a Marking on the front, and Construction Shoes, DOES NOT MEAN AT ALL of YOUR story of "Re-Modifying Simonchu with a Vagina"; THE TWO ARE SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS, so do us all a favor and QUIT B****ING AND STRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN PREMATURE DEATH.|Chris, [[Mailbag 44]].}}

Chris even edits the [[CWCipedia]], with the blatant [[lie]] that Simonla was not, in any way, inspired by Simonchu. The fact that she has a shell of identical color and shape to Simonchu's cloak, a drill marking in the exact same place as Simonchu's drill medallion, and extra eyelids that replicate red goggles such as Simonchu wears is completely coincidental.

TL;DR Pointless, throwaway relationships = Rights to use a fan character, in Chris's mind.

===Chris denies reality===
After a good deal of back-and-forth in the [[Mailbag]] over what to do with Simonla, on 02 February 2010 Chris added the following note to his profile of the character on the [[CWCipedia]]:
[[Image:Fkinglie.png|thumb|Evan's response.]]
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
I had previously stated inspiration from Evan George's Simonchu Character; that was a fabrication, and I apologize for leaving the lie up for this whole time.

Simonchu was Never an Inspiration, or had Anything to do with Simonla Rosechu's creation whatsoever.

Thank you for being patient while I had thought further on Simonla's Background Story.</div>

This fooled absolutely no one. Evan and his fellows responded with a barrage of new advertisements at the top of every CWCipedia page, pointing out Chris's obvious lie.

===Chris Loses Big Time===

On [[I am Alive|February 6th 2010]], Chris posted up a new video, finally conceding defeat on keeping Simonla, promising to kill her off and remove her entry in the CWCipedia. Sadly, this didn't faze Evan in the slightest and he had his lawyers send a cease and desist notice, forcing the Sysop there to disable editing on the CWCipedia until things can be resolved.

Early 9 February 2010, the CWCipedia was removed for good.

==Simonla the [[Pedofork]]==
In the Dating Education episode, we see Simonla outside Cwcville U talking to [[Zapina]], the 14-year-old girl who wants to strip despite those "dumb child protection Laws" Chris and the Sonichu gang hate so much. Zapina refers to Simonla as "her best friend," which is creepy enough, before Simonla instructs her to get a "16-year-old boy".

One can only wonder why she would do such a thing, when any woman in her right mind would tell her to focus on her studies and hang out with friends her own age before worrying about boys, especially one two years older when she's clearly underage!

==Death?==
On February 9th 2010, Chris released a video in which he may have let slip that Simonla is not long for the world of Cwcville:

{{Quote|And I never wanted to kill Simonla! But I was practically back-BLACK mailed by that god damned by that god damned Evan...}}

Could this mean that the abomination Simonla has finally been put out of our misery? Only time will tell.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:SimonlaThePedofork.jpg|Chris subtly lets slip his pedofork tendencies through Simonla
Image:SchuComic10P20.jpg|this is God punishing Evan for sending him those e-mails.
Image:Simonlaemailqf7.png|The e-mail confirming Simonla's appearance.
Image:SimonlaOriginalDesign.jpg|Chris's original design of Simonla.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}

*[[Evan]]
*The TRUE, HONEST and PICKLE-HAVING Advenures of Simonchu and Niachu: [http://simonchucomics.deviantart.com/]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Dreams

2010-01-23T04:03:11Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|right|The letter to Blanca, a classic example of Chris's prophetic powers in action.]]
Nowadays, it is widely accepted that '''dreams''' can provide valuable insight into the mind of the dreamer. While they represent, at best, a warped reflection of what goes on in the unconscious mind, dreams are nevertheless made up of more than just random, meaningless images.

[[Chris]] adheres to a simpler, primitive belief in the significance of dreams. It's part and parcel of his religious mysticism — he believes many of his dreams are messages from God. Dreams, in Chris's mind, can provide accurate portents of the future, and much of his strange behavior may be connected to his attempts to make these dreams into reality.

==Background==
Chris has often claimed that his dreams represent communications from the divine. On [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC]], when asked about his purpose in life, he explained it like so: "To eventually be married to my Sweetheart, then give birth and raise my daughter, as God has pointed it out for me in my dream." Likewise, when [[PandaHalo]] asked him why he wanted a daughter so badly, he said, "it was fortold to me in multiple dreams."

During the [[Father Call]], when Matthew Devoria pointed out that his belief in prophetic dreams was both highly unlikely and potentially blasphemous, Chris was willing to back off from some of the weirder implications of his philosophy. "I am not saying that I am a prophet," he admitted. However, he continued to cling to the belief that his dreams represent the future. "I'm not saying that it is the definite future," he explained, "but that it is a POSSIBLE future."

It could be possible that Chris believes that [[Chris and Religion|God]] gives him these "visions of the future" in order to comfort him with the knowledge that he will, in fact, triumph in the face of adversity and [[autism]]. Chris himself has, on several occasions, shown that he fears suspense and uncertainty and it wouldn't be a great leap of reason to assume that he thinks [[Chris and his Ego|God is personally tossing him spoilers for his own life]] much in the same way Chris slathers them onto [[Sonichu]].

==Significant dreams==
Chris has discussed several of his more important or influential dreams in many of his comics, chats, and videos. There may be a great many more that he's never felt like sharing with the outside world, so this section is by no means comprehensive, but it should at least provide a basic overview of the sort of prophecies Chris believes that he receives.

===The Crystal dream===
By far the most significant of Chris's dreams is this one, where he saw himself married to an unspecified woman and raising a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. This represents the genesis of his [[Love Quest]], or at any rate his favorite excuse. When he's not willing to admit that what he really wants is [[china|pussy]], Chris claims that his search for a sweetheart is intended to fulfill God's will and produce his prophesied daughter.

{{quote|You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be Crystal.|Chris, during the Father Call.}}

Chris, always one to share too much personal information during conversations with strangers, sometimes brings up the Crystal dream while introducing himself to people. In one of his [[Facebook_messages#Christy_Backe|Facebook conversations]], he sent a new contact the following question: "Do you know any 18-25-year old single women who might like me? I would appreciate any help I can get in finding the one who would be my Sweetheart, and help me realize my dream of me fathering a pretty daughter named Crystal Weston Chandler."

For some time, the many trolls following Chris operated according to the belief that the dream took place when he was around 21 years old, right around the formal beginning of the Love Quest. During the Father Call, however, Chris very clearly stated that he had the dream when he was in elementary school, between seven and nine years of age. In that description of the dream, he also noted that he "had, like, an office job" in his future life, an embellishment that smacks of Chris attempting to impress [[Kacey]]'s father.

===The Blanca dream===
During the late summer and early fall of [[2008]], Chris wildly ping-ponged back and forth between a number of potential [[trolls|sweethearts]], including [[PandaHalo]], [[Sarah Jackson]], and [[Blanca Weiss]]. On September 29, however, he finally settled on Blanca, having supposedly experienced a dream where he met her in the lobby of a [[Charlottesville]] hotel.

Chris describes the dream in some detail in his [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Chris_dreams_of_Blanca|e-mails to Blanca]], as well as the [[Chris's_Letter_to_Blanca|letter]] he sent to her along with his medallions.

{{quote|I FINALLY HAD my Dream that I have been waiting for for soo long; the dream revealing the name of my Sweetheart-to-be. the scenario was simply, after talking to her over the internet, I went to the local Hotel to meet her, and her name came up Often, and was Burned into my Memory and my Heart...SHE is YOU. :) YOU, Blanca Weiss, ARE MY SWEETHEART-TO-BE! |Chris, falling for it on a number of levels.}}

He also mentioned the dream on his [[The_OFFICIAL_Sonichu_%26_Rosechu_Blog|blog]], claiming that "God and Jesus have revealed to me the name of my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be." Three weeks later, the object of Chris's divinely-inspired love dumped him (after dumping his beloved medallions in pickle juice).

===The PandaHalo dream===
Although breaking up with Blanca temporarily sent Chris [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_21st,_2008|crashing into slumber]], he recovered from the trauma quickly enough with the aid of his dear friend PandaHalo. By mid-November, he was having wet dreams about her and sharing the details in their communications, which Panda promptly passed on to her fellow trolls on [[IRC (26 November 2008)|IRC]]:

{{quote|During my most recent dream, You were in it. You were alone in your apartment; I had just run in to see you. We talked for a bit, but then you and I, we made out, then got naked and lost our virgin ways to each other. It got soo goodly hot and wild, that I came in my sleep over you.|Chris, traumatizing a chatroom full of trolls.}}

If this particular dream also happened to be a prophecy, GodJesus must have gotten his wires crossed. Chris never met Panda in person, and had more or less gotten over her long before she allegedly died early in 2009.

===The watery maze dream===
Another one of Chris's wet dreams, in the literal sense this time, involves a vision of encountering his promised sweetheart in a "watery maze." Chris mentioned this recurring dream in his [[Quizzes#Christian Weston Chandler Quiz|quiz about himself]], although he didn't offer very many additional details.

[[Liquid Chris]] took advantage of this bit of information to mock his rival in one of his [[For_Chris|videos]], declaring that he and his girlfriend [[Kacey]] "are going to swim through a watery maze and make passionate love to each other and [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|it's going to be awesome]]."

==Minor dreams==
===The Sonic on Game Boy dream===
In the [[Song of Christian]], Chris claims to have experienced a dream involving a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game for Nintendo's Game Boy handheld. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], it took place in June of 1997. This, he says, is what inspired the "Sonic Dumps Sega, Joins Nintendo" cover story on his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], as well as the many half-assed knockoff Sonic game concepts inside of it. He also wrote a letter to the real ''Nintendo Power'' describing the dream.

This is one dream of Chris's that actually came true, after a fashion. While Nintendo never made a Sonic game for the original Game Boy, ''Sonic Advance'' hit the Game Boy Advance at the tail end of 2001. It was one of the very first Sonic games for a non-Sega hardware platform, seeing release around the same time as ''Sonic Adventure 2 Battle'' for Nintendo's GameCube. Whether Chris actually saw this as a confirmation of his prophetic abilities isn't certain, but it would be hard to put that sort of conclusion past him.

===The Pamela dream===
During his chats with (someone he believed to be) [[Vanessa Hudgens]], Chris cited a dream that taught him a useful moral lesson. Supposedly, during the long months of the [[Megan Saga]], Chris had a dream where he "had to choose" between his TRUE and HONEST love for Megan Schroeder and his temporary lust for TV star Pamela Anderson. "I stuck by my morals and went for Megan," Chris explained. "And because the same is being applied between you and [[Ivy]], I am going to remain strong and true and stay with Ivy."

Given that he never got any from Megan, of course, in retrospect the sensible choice would have been to go for Pamela. Here's to the path not taken.

===The Patti-chan dream===
Some time after the death of his beloved dog [[Patti-Chan|Patti]], Chris had a dream (or multiple dreams) reassuring him that Patti was alright and living comfortably in some sort of generic Christian afterlife. He discussed this in his [[Chris's_Plea_to_Clyde_Cash|Plea to Clyde Cash]] from [[January 2009]], hoping that Clyde would follow his example, "get over" the death of his younger brother [[Ryan Cash]], and stop cruelly tormenting Chris. For some reason, Clyde chose to ignore Chris's advice.

===The acid factory dream===
Chris has a habit of bringing up traumatic experiences from his past on the least provocation, usually as a way of fishing for sympathy. (For instance, during the Father Call, he went on the defensive by suddenly changing the subject to the incident where he was allegedly abused during [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]].)

In [[Mailbag 39]], responding to a question that attempted to reason with him about his hatred of [[Asperchu]], Chris dove off along a tangent and described a particularly picturesque nightmare.

{{quote|I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, going through BURNING OVENS, coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.|Your guess is as good as ours.}}

It's worth noting that Chris doesn't describe or discuss his nightmares very often. He does have them, though. ([[I'll Never Leave You, Ivy]] mentions "bad dreams in the night" that his love for Ivy saved him from.)

===Dreaming of death===
Chris has apparently dreamed on multiple occasions of the instant that precedes death. In his [[ChrisChanSonichu_and_WikiSysop_correspondence#Size_does_not_matter._.28CCS.29|conversations]] with the Sysop of [[CWCipedia]], while complaining about various objectionable advertisements on "his" site, he delivered the following bizarre non sequitur:

{{quote|Seeing the BIG Ad in the One Spot is as terrifying as the Flash Of Light at the Instant Millisecond of DEATH, or even, technologically, the Blue Screen Of Death. And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET.|This statement offered without comment.}}

Exactly why Chris chose to draw a connection between the moment of a human being's physical death and the moment of a Windows PC crashing is uncertain.

===High school dreams===
During his [[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript|date with Emily]], Chris mentioned recurring dreams about his days at [[Manchester High School]]. Given that his high school years were the last time Chris had anything like real friends or a fulfilling social life, it's no surprise that he often revisits them in his dreams. He describes the dreams in a very wistful, nostalgic tone: "I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends... there."

Chris also added that Megan Schroeder sometimes appears in his dreams of high school, even though he didn't meet her until well after he graduated and returned home to [[Ruckersville]]. Clearly, his unconscious mind is cobbling together an amalgam of all his fondest memories.

==Typifying Chris's dreams==
Just like those of real people, Chris's dreams can be split into some distinct categories which can tell us more about his motivations, his fears, and his state of mind at the time he dreamt them. It should be noted that the dreams Chris has seen fit to discuss are no doubt the ones which have affected him emotionally and which he thus considers worthy of discussion. It is highly likely that on most nights he simply dreams his Aspie dreams about day-to-day events, just like we all do. Considering what Chris's life is like, these are probably not worth consideration by anyone.

===Wish-fulfilment Dreams===
Freud stated that all dreams were a kind of wish-fulfillment. While this has been discussed ad nauseam and expanded upon by many psychologists in the years since, this represents a good jumping-off point for studying some of Chris's dreams. As one example — Chris's dog died, and he wanted to know that she was happy, so he dreamt that she was in heaven. This is simple enough (though it does raise questions about Chris's ability to work through his grief). Also part of this are dreams when he is back at high school, in dumbass classes where he wasn't affected by the cruelties of real life, surrounded by [[gal-pals]] and still svelte enough to fit into his Ash Ketchum costume. The anachronistic appearance of Megan in these dreams serves to confirm that they represent mental wish-fulfillment on his part. Chris wants to go back to high school, and his mind allows him to do so.

===Aspirational Dreams===
Chris's dream about Crystal, and those he attributes to the influence of God, represent a far less common and somewhat more problematic type of dream — ones which seem to create aspirations in the dreamer. These dreams are extremely rare, in many cases happening only a handful of times in an entire lifetime (according to Jung). Chris's dream about Crystal, considering it happened at such an early age, likely coincided with a major period of psychological growth in his life (what little we know about Chris's life at this time may support this notion), which would have inflated an otherwise small thought in his mind to a highly emotional aspiration. To have remembered this dream for so long suggests a feeling of bliss or enormous happiness at the time of dreaming, which he now associates with the content of the dream. Crystal therefore represents less an actual wish for a daughter (Chris doesn't know shit about raising children) and more a desire to return to the state of happiness he felt in his sleep, likely at a moment of extreme personal catharsis within his waking life.

===Nightmares===
Given Chris's total lack of imagination, his nightmares seem shockingly vivid. The particulars of what they represent are a job for a psychologist of a level above that of a [[Rocky Shoemaker|church counselor]], but their apparent muffled severity offer us some hope that within the stagnating mass of lard and stupidity that is Chris, there is a voice of reason struggling to escape like a drowning man screaming madly for the surface. If Chris ever discovers the core of the turmoil indicated by his nightmares and what they represent, it would very likely destroy his perspective on the world and he may finally continue on the path towards psychological maturity. Alternatively, the shock might kill him, which would be [[lie|sad]], but at least he would never be able to draw another fucking [[Sonee]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and psychology]]
*[[Chris and religion]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Sailor Moon Poster of Fail

2010-01-23T03:50:32Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:SMPosterOfFail.jpg|thumb|Pedofork... Prism... Power!]]

Coerced into saying he was gay on [[YouTube]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] employed several nonverbal clues to signal to his [[Trolls|fans]] that he was, in fact, straight. Among these was the '''Sailor Moon Poster of Fail''', which Chris later explained he looks at every night to help [[Fail|keep him straight]].

In typical lulzcow fashion, the revelation that he needed an object to remind him of his shaky (and possibly fictitious) heterosexuality only served to tarnish Chris's reputation even further. This is not the first time that Chris has referred to heterosexuality as a status he struggles daily to maintain, nor is this the first indication of his [[Kimmi|sick lust for anime girls]].

What is new is that of all the posters he could have chosen, Chris uses one that prominently features Chibi-Moon, [[Sailor Moon]]'s prepubescent [[crystal|daughter from the future]]. In short, he looks at a fetishized cartoon eight-year-old to reinforce his sexual appetites.

It also has to be noted that like many young [[anime]] females, Sailor Moon's future daughter is distinctly tomboyish in appearance, which only strengthens claims that he is a [[pedofork]].

==Does it work?==
No.

==See also==
*[[Anime]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Julie]]
*[[Megan]]
*[[Sailor Megtune]]
*[[Sailor Moon]]
*[[Sex toys]]

{{stub}}

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Mailbag 44

2010-01-23T03:48:09Z

BanjoSplice:

__NOTOC__'''Mailbag 44''' was uploaded onto the [[CWCipedia]] on 20 and 21 [[January 2010]] and was answered around [[Biological Clock|6:00AM]] on 22 January 2010.

Of the 14 letters presented, Chris deleted 6. The remaining 8 actually got longer replies than usual, but these responses were clearly typed in [[anger]] and as a result are almost incoherent. His crazed rant against [[Vivian]] gee's beloved spokeshamster is the best example of this. Other highlights include telling [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia admin Mao]] to [[Homos|suck his balls]], defending his increasingly depraved actions in Sonichu 10. Then there's his response to [[Evan]], which basically states that Simonla should be his because ''[[Chris and copyright|he wanted]] a ground-type Rosechu anyway''.

==Answered==
===If you think Sonichu is bad, you must be retarded===
{{Email|From: [[Vivian Gee|Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>
Hypocrite is not an adjective. Seriously, couldn't you even do basic research before making yourself look like a total idiot?

[[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrite]]
 –noun
 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
 2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

I mean, are you humoring me? I mean, I link you to an interesting article on autism about how autism manifests itself more violently as adults, and you obviously ignore it.

I tell you to go after people who wrong you (Gay4Sonichu) but you haven't done anything about that but you'll go after Alec.

I tell you to stop losing fans for a reason. Because you're losing fans. Look at that poll. It was posted on YOUR site, not the Asperpedia. Wouldn't you think a majority would vote for Sonichu unless YOU WERE LOSING FANS? THINK ABOUT IT!!

Finally, I tell you to make more pages. You have currently missed at least 14 days of uploading comics. That's a terrible track record.

You've had Sonichu for 10 years and you haven't gotten anywhere. Maybe you should try harder.}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, such works that have "wronged me" as the one you quote are ONLY PARODY, and I see those as Petty and Not Priority. If I worried about EVERYTHING, I would have died long ago from excessive worry and stress.

I find it interesting that you link me to a theory of how Autism manifests Anger and Violence within that individual. Obviously you may have been Stereotyping me on such a weak theory.

I have been drawing daily, and because I may miss a day or two, does not mean I won't make up for those days in the number of pages uploaded when I get to uploading.

And '''I GIVE NO ATTENTION to "Polls"'''; in my opinion, "Polls" are just another Petty thing that I do not have to give attention to. Every individual has a right to their own Opinion, and should those people give more towards a Crappily Drawn PARODY/SPOOF, then I see that '''those people are devolved mentally and are blind to Best Quality; in other words, They Have No Taste At All.''' You may as well put up a 24-hour marathon of the later-season [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|"Aqua Teen Hunger Force"]] Episodes in front of those people; they will be NULLIFIED and RETARDED not to want to leave the room and go watch the Better-Quality content, of which is My Own Sonichu and Rosechu Works.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 12:32, 22 January 2010 (CET)}}

===No burglar would steal Chris's stuff===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Max Cady|Max Cady]] <capefear109@gmail.com>

Hi Chris!

I'll bet your collection of toys and video games are worth a lot of money. Just out of curiosity, does your house have a burglar alarm or other security measures? What's the average police response time in Ruckersville? If a professional burglar were to burgle your house, what do you think would be his odds of getting away with it?

Thanks!

- Max}}
{{EmailReply|Most of the stuff in the house have depreciated in value; no burglar would ever want anything in this house. We do have a good security system in and around the house; we have a good Neighborhood Watch system; the Police are very quick; and the oods of any burglar getting away are slim.}}

===Business proposal===
{{Email|From: Mao Ling <mao@hsienko.com>

Would you like to join the Asperpedia? I'm sure we could use your minor fanbase as a profit booster of like 5%. I guess. Or something.}}
{{EmailReply|You can suck by balls and take both my Middle Fingers and my Razzberry, because you and your crew draw VERY CRAPPILY, and with y'all shooting yourselves in the feet the way y'all do, you all are going the way of the Later Season "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" or "12 oz Mouse" episodes; DOWN THE TOILET.}}

===Clearly it's not working===
{{Email|From: frommouse@myself.com

By my calculations, you have lost anywhere from 75 to 90% of your fanbase in about a month's time. Why do you think this is, and how do you plan to solve this problem?}}
{{EmailReply|I am doing what I can; I continue to draw my pages, update the Cwcipedia, and make my video announcements from time to time.}}

===On the defensive===
{{Email|From: Sheldon Lee <shelltoontv@yahoo.com>

Dear Chris,

Just a few questions:

1) You are a Christian, correct? Well, how can YOU, a so-called CHRISTIAN, justify a GOD-LIKE figure BREAKING INTO SOMEBODY'S PLACE, and DESTROYING EVERY SINGLE THING?

2) How can YOU possibly call anybody in your comic a HERO if all they do is KILL, BREAK IN, and INVADE PRIVACY?

3) Who the fuck do YOU think you are to say what somebody CAN and CAN'T do in PARODIES?

4) How can YOU justify CENSORSHIP when you ALWAYS claim that you are TRUE and HONEST? Do you have something to hide?

5) Who the fuck are YOU to tell people HOW to live, just because YOU don't like it?

Seriously Chris, if you fail to answer these questions, then you are not being TRUE and HONEST.

Signed,

Shelltoon}}
{{EmailReply|1) It was [[Wikipedia:All your base|for Good Justice]]. 2) The deed had to be done; I was not going to let Alec and his crew get away with their Badly Drawn items. 3) I am the Original Creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, and I have the Copyright Registration Papers to prove it further. 4) I have nothing to hide, but which '''would you rather have, Blood, Guts, Graphic Nudity and Foulest Language ALL-AROUND''', or '''Clean Stories that Clean Up such dirty and grimy content and continues to not feature Bloody and Gorey content that would make you feel queasy?''' 5) Who are you for asking me such bombastic questions?

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 13:01, 22 January 2010 (CET)}}

===The great <s>dictator</s> director===
{{Email|From: Sean Watley <seanawatley@gmail.com>
Hi Chris,

I'm killing off Simonla Rosechu in an upcoming Moon-Pals strip. She
will be beaten over the head with a mace and shot into the sun. After
her death, please remove Simonla from your comics to avoid confusing
any readers.

Thanks,

Sean Watley}}
{{EmailReply|No. Because you do not have MY POWER of being the Original Artist, Creator and Director, so ALL OF WHAT YOU DO IS PURE FICTION to MY FACT.}}

===I want to see Simonla die so very badly===
{{Email|From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>
First you steal Alec's Asperchu and MISINTERPRET HIM AS A HOMO with
his "Extreme Electric Makeover", but NOW you've gone and taken
Simonchu...

For the LAST TIME, I don't want your "Brother/Sister Plan". I want
NONE of my characters in your comic, not TWO mockeries of my
character. You're a sick, depraved troll.

I want Simonla dead as a doorknob. Remove Simonchu from the Haiti
image and kill Simonla, or my lawyers will have to have a word with
the Sysop. This is your last warning.

Secondly, it's pronounced "ee-cee-gee-ville".

Oh, and by the way, since I see you're stealing Simonchu now: you do
realize that by putting him in the Haiti image, you've included the
first bisexual character into Sonichu? That's right, Simonchu is
BISEXUAL.

Do you really want a partially gay character in your comics? Or a
character ripping off a partially gay character? I think this is more
incentive than ever to kill Simonla.

-Evan}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, just because one offers someone a Makeover does not make that person a homo. Look at ALL of the Home and Garden, The Learning Channel and Discovery Channel Shows; would you call of those people who Redesign a House, Cook Good Quisines and Seperate Myth from Fact homosexuals? No, you would not.

Second, Big Whoop-De-Doop Deal; I have a Spanish Lesbian who is Babysitter for the Sonichu Family's Children and lives Next-Door to them.

Third, I am Paper Registered to EVERYTHING Sonichu and Rosechu; YOU only COPIED from MY Original.

And Look here Mister, Before I created Simonla, I wanted a Ground-Type Sonichu or Rosechu in my World. And IF I start with a Normal Rosechu, give her ground and dirt for skin, add some Drills, Natural Second Transparent Eyelids, an Armadillo Shell with a Drill Spot for a Marking on the front, and Construction Shoes, DOES NOT MEAN AT ALL of YOUR story of "Re-Modifying Simonchu with a Vagina"; '''THE TWO ARE SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS''', so do us all a favor and [[Chris and hypocrisy|QUIT B****ING AND STRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN PREMATURE DEATH]].

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 13:01, 22 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Because a video made years ago can show how you've lost weight now===
{{Email|From: Sanae Fujita <sanae724@gmail.com>

Dear Chris,

Could you make a video wearing your Ash Ketchum costume? I'm sure you'll fit into it, what with you no longer being overweight.}}
{{EmailReply|I have already done that in a past Song Video.}}

==Gone Forever==
===Collossal Chan sucks so amazingly bad.===
{{Email|From: From [[Wikipedia:Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy|Trevor McFur]] <Trevor@jaguar.com>

Chris, I have been reading the comic and, well, let me just tell you that "Collossal Chan" is not a very good idea. The design looks ridiculous, the powers are ridiculous, and the whole thing couldn't be any gayer.

However, this Mitch Sonichu character has some potential. I think you should focus more on him.

Love,

Trevor}}

===The love quest continues===
{{Email|From: b2147928@uggsrock.com

Considering you're playing daft asshole, let me answer YOUR question with ANOTHER question.
How come you're such a faggot?

You completely ignored the fucking question because you know that your shitty toys are worth more to you then the love any woman can ever provide. I don't horde thousands of toys from the late 80's in my room, Chris; because I'm actually an adult who gets sex.
See how simple it is? No toys equals lots of sex.

Duhhh.}}

===Echo===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Nothing|Nothingness]]

Chris, you have to let it be and live in piece from now on. All your characters decided to move to my city of Eternityhausen and then killed themselves or became gay. I AM THE GREATEST DIRECTOR!}}

===Fabulous===
{{Email|From: [[Vivian Gee|Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>
And a followup.

Look Chris, the audience you're targeting can't even use the internet. So how are they supposed to find you? You lost all your older fans to the more mature Asperchu.

Also that makeover bullshit you pulled makes you look gay. Seriously, don't you know only gay men give makeovers? You seem to be aware of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy...so...just sayin'}}

===Sonichu needs to die so much===
{{Email|From: spergin@googlewave.com

Hi Chris!

I saw that Wild, Punchy, and Angelica got killed off! Wow! Really brings the mortality of the Sonichus home, doesn't it? That's so daring, and it gives the characters such amazing pathos to work with, I'm really excited to see what'll happen next! For a long while there it didn't seem like you had a full grasp on the idea of using profound, deeply personal loss to further character development, but with this twist, my doubts are gone. Of course, like the rest of the fanbase, I'll be assuming that any appearances by Wild, Punchy, or Angelica in your comic from now on are grief-induced hallucinations.

I've heard some people saying that you might even be thinking of the hugest step yet... after all, characters need pathos, and what would give Asperchu the most pathos of all? I barely even want to say it, but killing his bestest joy-boy, Sonichu, would be so beautifully tortuous for Asperchu, it would transform the comic from entertainment to utter art. Are you thinking about this? I just want you to know that the fanbase is behind you all the way!

Kindest regards,

Spergin}}

===On Rosechu's man-parts===
{{Email|From: Randam Hajile <rhajile@safetymail.info>

"Well Excuse Me for MISDRAWING ONE DETAIL"

It's not one detail. Throughout the comic, even Rosechu herself has a male pointed tail. Not once have you ever drawn her with a blunt, female Raichu tail.

I'm judging by facts. What are you judging by?

You cannot say that "grass is blue" when it's obviously green. And you cannot say Rosechu is a female when she has a male appendage on her tail.

It's no wonder why the pictures of her "pickle" were drawn as a result. You were the one who started it.

Sincerely,

Randam Hajile}}

{{Mailbag}}

Mailbag 45

2010-01-23T03:46:07Z

BanjoSplice:

'''Mailbag 45''' was uploaded to the [[CWCipedia]] on 22 [[January 2010]]. Considering Chris's most recent actions, It will probably be answered early Saturday morning, thanks to his now totally screwed [[Biological Clock]].
==Awaiting Answers==

{{Email|From: [[Vivian Gee|Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>

Seriously. Fans from 10 years ago have grown up. Maybe you should too.}}

{{Email|From: [[Duck|Mike Hawke]] <fail2comply@live.co.uk>
Hey Chris,

Would you sell all of your games and toys, if it will guarantee you'll get a girlfriend?}}

[[Image:FuckingHardcore.JPG|thumb|Fuck yea Asperchu.]]
{{Email|From: darkestfor@asia.com

I'm writing because, after seeing the [[Asperchu]] "hardcore" ad, I have decided to give up your baby comic for Alec's mature book. Have fun coloring within the lines, Baby Chrissie. Don't [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] your [[Butt garments|diapers]] too much.}}

{{Email|From: Harold Man

Dear Chris,

I used to be a big fan of Sonichu for a long time because it seemed to have very subversive themes. You drew in a manner that seemed intentionally bad. Like you were parodying Republican views. But you're serious? That's amazing. No one would like your comic if you were actually being serious. I just told my friends that you're serious and we're are laughing our asses off. You're so naive.

You're really serious. Like, the biggest Sonichu fan forum is full of threads about how hilarious your work is and how they'd write comic book companies to carry your work. Just wait 'til word gets out that you're serious. That you aren't kidding when you say Sonichu is straight. Everyone will leave.

Your audience now is all college students who think you're being ironic and funny. Little kids aren't interested. Believe me, I tried to show my brother. He told me to get the crap out of his face because he was playing [[Hex Bawx|X-Box]]. Kids don't care about cartoons anymore. The only people who read it, read it because it has undertones of homosexuality.

Seriously, I think you misunderstand why Asperchu is popular. Now, its drawing is average, but what hooks readers is the underlying themes. Because of your autism, you don't get it. It's like a big secret joke that you don't see. Maybe you should ask a non-autistic friend to explain it to you. That is, if you care about your fans. They'll all leave and you won't know why.

You're saying Alec shot himself in the foot. Pfft, he made the smarter move by going more adult and serious. He knows his fanbase. Apparently you don't know yours.

I know you won't reply to this because you're a coward.

~ A former fan}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] <mikejackson113@hotmail.com>

Chris,

I need you now more than ever. I need you to do a shoutout in your video for my son Mike Junior. He has run away with the prostitute that I hired for him a week ago. He'd told my wife and I that it was a love match, but we didn't believe him. Now they are on the run to Vegas where they are going to get married- my son has a fake ID and is going to use that to pretend that he's 18. Can you ask him to come home? We promise that we won't run his girlfriend away as long as he comes back.

Also, my wife is concerned about the language you are using to the writers of Asperchu. She says that it is way too harsh for our children and because the kids are already so upset, she has made me stop reading your comics to our children.

Sincerely,

Mike

P.S.- MIKE JUNIOR COME HOME! ALL IS FORGIVEN!}}

{{Email|From: [http://www.youtube.com/user/billymc Billy MC] <billymcbigmac@gmail.com>

Hello Chris,

I am a big fan of you and Sonichu. I am writing to ask you if you ever worry about the Hamburglar stealing your McDonald's food. My mother takes me to McDonald's quite a lot and whenever I am there I am always sure to look around for the Hamburglar because you never know where he might be lurking, waiting to snatch away your Big Mac and fries! Speaking of McDonald's, you and the Grimace share many similarities. I believe he might be High-Functioning Autistic too!

Love,

Billy MC}}

{{Email|From: Faye Dexter <ecksdeexter@gmail.com>

Dear Chris, most of your fans that are still reading are ADULTS and we demand to be treated as such! You lost most of your underage fans with the sex storylines(even censored, most parents don't let that kind of thing fly) so I suggest that there be more MATURE storylines with gore and violence. Games rated M usually have gore in them and those are rated M for MATURE. TV-MA is for MATURE AUDIENCES and usually has gore and violence. So could you include those in the comic so your adult audience doesn't feel like they're reading a baby comic for babies?}}

{{Email|From: Andrew Rinker <ffa_chewster@yahoo.com>

I'm just wondering why you were so rude in your response to the [[Mailbag 43#Go Fuck Yourself, too!|final question in mailbag 43]] (from Keith Keithson). All he did was present an in depth, well thought out argument. Is that how you respond to any argument you do not agree with? Wouldn't it be better to actually attempt to refute his claims? All you are doing with your response is showing that you have no evidence to refute his claims, and are therefore conceding that they are, in fact, the truth. No disrespect intended, I'm just curious why you don't simply take the time to present your own counterpoints to his, rather than just telling him to "go fuck yourself". That's very rude, and only serves to portray you in a negative light.}}

{{Email|From: Bernardo Garcia <garciscinq@gmail.com>

So let me get this straight, you are saying people who don't like your comic series are mentally underdeveloped and have poor taste?}}

{{Email|From: Trap Master

Dear Chris

You've said you don't want to remove Simonla from the comics because it would be taking away Wild's girlfriend. It's wrong to put Wild's, a FICTIONAL character, feelings ahead of a real person. Leaving Simonla in your comics is hurting Evan, stop being a monster and do the right thing.}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Manfred Eicher|Manfred Eicher]] <m.eicher@gmail.com>

Hey Chris,

I am a volunteer with the German Red Cross and I am currently in Haiti helping to bring people's lives back to normal. It's grueling work. It's hot and some people still can't get clean water and food. Although your poster is nice, it won't get things done here. If you really want to help, it often makes a big difference when celebrities donate large sums of money which they encourage people to match. You may have already done this and if you have, you should announce it. Alternatively, if you were to volunteer to come to Haiti and put some elbow grease into the project, it might encourage others to do the same. It would go a lot further than a poster and we would really appreciate the help.

Best regards,
Manfred}}

{{Email|From: Brianna Ricaud <bricaud75@gmail.com>

Chris, in your reply to my mail you claimed that you always censor adult stuff from your comics and that images were "tricked from you".

Let me remind you that it was YOU that took those pictures. It was YOU that drew a [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|NASTY, PORNOGRAPHIC picture]] of you MOLESTING your best friend [[Megan]]. No one forced you.

You have proved that you're a liar and a hypocrite and you have lost another fan. Alec has never lied and he doesn't do cowardly things and then deny them.

Good riddance,

Brianna}}

{{Email|From: Cpt. Wyvern <masterwyvern@googlemail.com>

Why do you always criticise the Asperchu comics for being poorly drawn? [[Chris and art|Your art style isn't too great too, y'know]], you don't have much room to criticise others.}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]] <gilsemailaddy@yahoo.com>

As a fan of your comic, recently I've been feeling insulted by the things you've been saying to us. In your mailbags, you've been calling us hypocrites and mentally devolved, and you've been slashing and ignoring a lot of good questions from your mailbags for no reason. This is no way to be treating your fans. You seem to want us to worship you like you're God or something, and you seem to not be able to maturely handle criticism.

I noticed that other comic artists will actually answer the letters they get. I know you don't like that Leary guy, but at least he answers emails and treats his fans with respect. I hope you do the same before you lose all of your fans.

--Gil}}

[[Image:Issue0Page3.jpg|thumb|Caught in a lie. Again.]]
{{Email|From: levelledcompany@bikerider.com

I saw your "TheTailofRosechu.jpg" image and thought, "Hey, that's not what I remember." Then I looked back at the comics, and sure enough, the Raichu's tail is pointed and sharp, like that of a male's. What gives? Why lie to your fans like this?

You can't just lie to your fans, and you can't just keep going back and changing stuff in your comics. I hated how you changed the "My love quest is finally over" page almost as much as I hate being lied to by a big fat liar like you. It's stuff like this, all the lies and retcons, that make me feel like I should stop reading the comic.

If you want to make things right, apologize, admit your mistake, promise to never make the same mistake again, and (this is the most important part) NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Stop lying, even "small" lies, and quit changing your old stuff.}}

{{Mailbag}}

Obesity

2010-01-21T03:14:36Z

BanjoSplice: cleanup

{{Merge|Chris and Health}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[Christopher Weston Chandler]]]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|PROTIP: The Atkins Diet doesn't work, [[Barb|fatty]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}

'''Obesity''' is an epidemic in America, with 64% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fucking fat. [[Chris]], [[Barbara]] and even their cat, [[Desi Chandler|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle".

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], who Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, Became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the ghost command part. But that's a whole other problem.

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles, then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle.

== Actual weight ==
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200". During his phone call with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 pounds.

Taking Chris's height into consideration (5'10"), along with the nude pictures circulating the Internet, a better estimation would be in the mid 200s, closing in on 300 pounds thanks to his constant consumption of McNuggets and corn syrup. A healthy weight for someone Chris's height would be somewhere around 160 to 175 pounds, but he's not likely to get that low ever again without the aid of gastric bypass surgery or the amputation of multiple limbs.

Chris has probably asked his [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] about being fat; being the coddling cow that she is, she more than likely told him he was a slim and attractive young man (which he is... compared to her).

== Denial ==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't fat. In IRC, Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called gay. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]], during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since High School. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies.

The fact is, Chris has been spoiled so much by his mother, told that he was perfect and muscular so much, that he believes that when he looks in a mirror, he sees a six-pack, whereas what the rest of us see is a fat autistic.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.<ref> [[Sonichu 7]] - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_7/Page_25 "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Furthermore, [[Blanca]] was able to use pictures of different girls with only basic features in common (e.g., hair color and length) to trick Chris into thinking "she" was the same girl.

==Places where Chris likes to eat==
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[CWC 30 Push Ups]]
* [[51 50]]
* [[Muscle bra]]
* [[Sonichu's Edge]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Collosal Chan

2010-01-21T03:02:38Z

BanjoSplice: spelling and so on

[[Image:CollosalChan.jpg|thumb|right|Hey, spare some change?]]

'''Collosal''' ''(sic)'' '''Chris-Chan''' (aka '''Hobo Chan''') is yet another Mary Sue form of [[Chris]] in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. He, like [[Ultra Sonichu]], is the result of "[[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystal]] Power" after all seven of the Chaotic Crystals have assembled. Anticipate terror, especially after what they did to [[4-Cent Garbage]] shortly before their transformation.

Collosal-Chan is, surprisingly, the size of regular Chris-chan.

==Sonichu 10==

Hobo-chan makes his first and, if we're to take Chris's word for it, last appearance in [[Sonichu 10]]. Using the power of the Chaotic Crystals, he transforms into what is essentially a glorified super form, bearing a few similarities to the Level 4 Super Saiyan transformation from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Dragon_Ball_GT_episodes Dragon Ball GT]''. For some reason, the [[Anime Wings|anime wings]] won't cut it this time around, like they were used more than [[Sub-Episode 4|once]].

Despite the name, "Collosal" [[Chris-Chan]] appears to be [[Obesity|exactly the same size he always is]].

The first thing he does is rescue [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. He also plans to go to [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] afterward. Arriving in Minnesota, he jacks into the [[Hex Bawx|HEX BAWX]] of Alec Benson Leary, enters its computer world, somehow deletes everything connected to the Asperpedia, and blows up the HEX BAWX.
{{clear}}

[[Image:126398379142.jpg|thumb|right|A far better depiction of Collosal Chan.]]

==Powers==
So far, Chris has displayed Collosal Chan with strange, almost god-like powers, the most basic of which are flight and telepathy. On top of that, he is shown to enter the Dark Mirror Hole effortlessly and retrieve Crystal from the mirror, connect into a computer via its USB port (and his finger... somehow) and create a version of himself to destroy everything and create a Lightning Bomb and some sort of barrier to prevent the bomb from blowing up other stuff.

At this point, these are the only powers utilized in the comic itself, but it's a fairly safe bet that Hobo-Chan will have access to all the powers of his previous forms (the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, for example) and any ability that the Chaotic Combo (or any other character) possesses, in addition to any power deemed necessary to save the day.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:ColossalChan.jpg
Image:SchuComic10P44.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]

{{stub}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke

2010-01-19T05:39:46Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:EloquentArgument.JPG|thumb|Chris's closing statement.]]
'''Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke''' (officialy '''01172010 - Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke''') is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] in the early hours of 17 [[January 2010]]. After Chris finally changed his [[Chris and fashion|shirt]], he decided to read every page of [[Asperchu]] and give a critique of Alec's comic. Surprisingly, it's not very favorable, and Chris spends almost ten minutes whining about all of the things he doesn't like about it, including a lot of stuff that [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris does in his own comic]]. He then threatens Mao, Alec, and [[Evan]] (but for some reason, not [[Sonichu is Dead|Sean]]) with the terrible might of his [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|pastor]] (who disapproved of [[Vivian Gee|Vivian's]] [[A_Girl_who_Brought_Down_the_World|book]]) and the [[Lies|FBI]]. One of Chris's major points in his argument is that he was set on fire in the comic, and calls it [[Nudes|"horrendous"]]; apparently, [[Sonichu Special 4|shooting somebody in the legs]] is perfectly fine, though.

Chris also heavily implies that his [[Patti|dead dog]] is now some kind of evil spirit with the power to kill.

==Description==
{{quotebox|
Obvious C.W.C. Slanders/References: -BIG BELLY -Man Boobs -Goatee -Glasses -wears MY shirts -Patti-Clone -Unapproved Recreation of myself -SETS ME ON FIRE in Book C, Pages 29 and 30!!!

Graphic Nudity/Sexual Images: Book 0 Pages 3, 10, 13, 14, 18, Book A Pages 12, 13, 18, 19, 23, 29, Book B Pages 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 15, 18, 19, 20, 22, 24, Book C Page 2

Homosexual References: Book 0 Pages 13, 14, 18, 20, 24, Book B Page 26, Book 1, Page 8, 9, 12, 14, 21

Non-Approved CWC/Sonichu Use/References: Book 0 Pages 19-24, Book B Pages 25-32, Book C and Book 1

Graphic Language: Book 0 Pages 3, 9, 12, 15, 17, 18, 24, Book A Pages 1, 7, 9, 13, 15, 17, 18, 20, 22, Book B Pages 1, 5, 6, 7, 8, 12, 18, 20, 28, Book C Pages 2, 3, 7, 19, 33 and Book 1

Anti-Religious: Books A and B }}

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 01172010 - Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke
| image = {{#ev:youtube|RdBB9q0oxQA}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 17 January 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Horizontalbluegrayshirt.png]] The Napoleon
| previous = [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]
| next = [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Current]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
[[Image:pattysvengefulsoul.jpg|thumb|Patti will have your soul for dinner tonight]]
Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2010.

I am here at this point recording this video to make it perfectly clear. Although it was a bit of a mistake with that last video I made, but you know what? Regardless of that video, I did- I shouldn't have not have had to make such a video, because I can prove- I can just show ya'll the evidence, [''Chris grabs his camera and starts walking towards his TV.''] that I have just read through the entire bunch of pages of hi- of Alec's Asperchu. Unedited, all fresh from the website, organized by page number, in my playlist.

[''The camera shoots downwards, a list passes by it momentarily, before Chris's TV comes into focus. There appear to be an array of comic pages on screen, set against a continually changing [[South Park]] "Dynamic Theme" background.'']

First off, just to name a few things, there's an o- there are the obvious... sturdy slanders! [''The cover of Asperchu 0 comes into focus on the TV''] And obvious references to with I mean the [[Obesity|old Buddha belly]] that I [[Lie|used to have]], exaggerated manboobs, and even the [[Rollin' and Trollin'|goatee]] I used to ha- I had one time. And he makes him- and he makes his Asperchu character wear nearly every [[Chris and fashion|shirt]] I wear. Nearly every shirt! And a crappy copy of a medal! My shirts.

[''The cover disappears, and Chris scrolls through the list of comics, finally picking a page in which a man is talking to a dog that really doesn't look anything like [[Patti]].'']

And then to make matters worse, he goes and be—sssmirches my old- my dog! By making a crap- by making a crappy flop- a crappy copy of my dog! My d- Patti will- Patti's- the spirit of Patti will [[Chris and religion|have his soul for dinner tonight]]! She will be haunting your [[Dreams|nightmares]], Mr. Leary.

[''Screen goes back to page selection, picking a page that has a picture of Asperchu's Take on [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]'']

And of course, even including the unapproved recreation of my charact- of my person within his pages, as you can see right here. You can find all these on his [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia].

[''screen returns to page select'']

That was issue C page 19, by the way.

[[Image:BurningManchild.jpg|thumb|He sets me on fire!]]

And then even worse! Starting on page C29 [''Chris selects the page with Metal Asperchu preventing Ian from shooting Asperchu''], he sets me on fire! He sets me on fire! [''Chris moves to the next page''] And in even worse, continues lettin' me be on fire on page 30! I swear, if that ain't the [[Gun Comic|most outrageous thing]] that he has ever done against me.

[''Back to page select.'']

But I could get- I could definitely reference a few more instances of where he actually is considering [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|peeing on himself]] within his own comic series. Starting with, of course, with a few from his first book [[Sonichu 8|of graphic nudity or sexual reference]] on page three of his 0 book. Even worse off, on page 10, and while he's in that Burger King! With all his goddamned homosexual references as well!

[''Chris shuffles through a variety of pages featuring the Asperchu date plot in book one. [[Fail|None of them contain any homosexual references]]. He then returns to the page select.'']

And he's done like a whole number of them I could read you a list off of. You can find these si- i- find such nude images on pa- on 0- book 0, pages 3, 10, 13, 14, 18, and book A, 12, 13, 18, 19, 23, 29. Book B, 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 15, 18, 19, 20, 22, 24, AND book C, page 2! They put in so many ho- put, like I said, put in ho- so many homosexual references between books... 0, B, and 1.

And he uses uncensored swear words, such as [''Camera swings back to Chris''] sheeit and ass! In between all- in between all of his books! So many [[Chris and hypocrisy|goddamned]] of those. And his- and his A and B books are anti-religious! Anti-religious! In those two books. That little son of a bitch, he's pee- he's basically peeing on h-his own self.

Now look, I'll admit I have done my little share of nudity within the comi- within my- few page- within a couple of pages, but they were censored by either images of [[Sonichu_8#Alternate_versions|lemon for vagina an' bananas for... dick]].

[''Chris makes a revolted face at having just said the word "dick," then scratches the back of his head.'']

And it was f-and da- and da- and that book was finally finalized and organized so that it be 'propate for all- for all those of ages, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|TV-Y7]]... and such. And I- and if I ever said a swear word within my book, I would censor it, [''voice cracks''] but he does not censor his own swear words.

But like I said, [''Chris reaches down for his script''] he's basically gone to the things aga-he's basically mocking me with the references of myself. Between my- between the b- between the belly, the manboobs, the goatee and glasses, numerous shirts, a fake medal, wearing-h'yeah-a c'a-copy of MY DOG, an unapproved recreation of myself and my Son-and my characters, and even SETS ME ON FIRE [''Chris starts wandering around the room, keeping the camera on his face''] and makes my- and makes what is- makes his w-and makes HIS quote-unquote "Sonichu clone" go against me as being- as not being the original creator of the original Sonichu. Now, s-the original Sonichu of that thing can be caught in the wild, so therefore afar as far as I'm concerned, that's just ano-that's just another one he caught from the wild, and drew hisself a clone basically. Just another individual, aside from- aside from the original Sonichu that only lives in CWCville.

And also, in reference to the un-not 'proved use within book number 0 on pages 19 through 24, including-''including''-the homosetsual references, he supposedly thinks there's a, that, he supposedly thinks that there's this law change in CWCville at it is wrong for him to quote CWCville at all within his book. And no such changes, as he has said, has happened within CWCville. [''Stops and grabs camera vigorously with both hands and looks directly into it''] He wishes he knows my Sonichu, Rosechu, and all my electric hedgehogs as well as I do, but he can not, because he is not me, the original creator. [''Resumes wandering around the room''] HE IS NOT ME.

So uh I am send this message again to Alec, Evan, and even Mao--I have less offense with Sean by the way--but to those three...

[''Chris flips off the camera and gives a two-and-a-half-second raspberry'']

DIE. DIE IN HELL. And I hope the soul of my late dog eats at your souls and kills you in your sleep.

[''Gives a creepy uncomfortable stare at the camera as he slowly switches the hand holding it'']

But aside from that, his book his book is the pages within the so-called Asperchu...series? [''scratches the back of his head, pauses to look up at the ceiling for a moment''] They are definitely ludicrous and horrendous and horrific. [''starts moving around again, picks up a book, then wanders some more''] Even a horrific s-even as horrific as within [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|Vivian Gee's own book]]. And my pastor rissala-Elizabeth Hoss, my pastor has read the book from cover to cover, and she HATES it. Sh-my reverend hates it. And I don't like it either because it is of disgrace, and slander, and mockery of my person and my character. Just about as much, but ak-choo-lee this [''points to the TV''] is worse. The Asperchu and everything there, that is worse than that book. I'm sorry Vivian, but that book is just no good. And I'm definitely gonna let my Elizab-let my pastor know about the Asperpedia and the Asperchu and tru all the pow-through her powers within her church and the congregation and even the '''''F-B-I''''', we will see you in Minnesota, and take you down personally, Mister '''''ALEC BASON LARRY!'''''

[''pause, head scratch''] We get the FBI on our side. [''long pause''] Your mockery of my person is not appreciated!

Udder'n dat, I leave with most everybody else in peace. Have a good day. Except for you three of which I mentioned earlier.

==Rebuttal==
Within hours, [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia's]] Mao made a rebuttal video calling Chris out on his hypocrisy.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|GNk24SsVxaY}}
</center>
The video was promptly given a prominent position on every page of the [[CWCipedia]].

==See Also==
*[[Asperchu]]
*''[[Sonichu 8]]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]|nextlink=[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Current]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}

U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L

2010-01-19T05:37:57Z

BanjoSplice:

[[File:Chris_chan_creep.jpg|thumb|Chris, performing some sort of unholy chanting.]]

'''U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 15 January 2010. The video title, written in some kind of reversed [[Wikipedia:leet|1337]] pseudo-Spanish, is translated as "Love [[Sonichu]] and hate [[Asperchu]]". However, the 1337 Chris uses is questionable at best. The characters placed in forward order don't read like he thinks they do.

Chris tries to be clever by speaking Spanish backwards, but he just ends up sounding like a raving lunatic. He ends the video by chanting "uhcrepsa etah!" over and over again, perhaps believing he can brainwash everyone into liking him again, not that anyone ever has.

Some argue that he got the idea from [[Wikipedia:New_Kids_on_the_Blecch|this episode]] of ''The Simpsons'', where the Navy brainwashes people into joining by creating a song with the phrase, "Yvan eht nioj" as the chorus. The joke was that it was pronounced as it is written, making the idea of being able to hear it, then subliminally reconstruct the phrase in the listener's head, all the more ridiculous.

He has now been wearing the same shirt for about 4 days. Take from that what you will. He also promised early in the video that two new pages would be uploaded that evening, which turned out to be a [[lie]], as Chris did not update the [[CWCipedia]] that evening at all.
{{clear}}
==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L
| image = {{#ev:youtube|u6jpaOQk5h8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 15 January 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Comics.png]] Comics
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Advicedogshirt.png]] [[Advice Chris|Advice Dog]]
| previous = [[15 January 2010]]
| next = [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

Ah, Captain's Log, Stardate... I believe it is the 15th of [[January 2010]].

Hm. As usual, I will have two more pages tonight, I hope you all enjoyed the last page where Crystal finally got out of the mirror. [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:SchuComic10P46.jpg]

But recently, I am reminded of an old Spanish expression which goes simply as, [''Chris proceeds to mangle the Spanish language, though it can be translated to: "You need U8C43P2A37A8 (hate Asperchu) and U8C1N023V0L (love Sonichu) in order to be happy for life."'']

Ah, couple of strong verbs in that sent- in that statement. Say it with me.

[''Chris gets frighteningly close to the camera, his eyebrows poised to strike.'']

U8C43P2A37A8... U8C43P2A37A8...

Y U8C1N023V0L... U8C1N023V0L...

Alright, stay safe and have a good day. By-

[''Video cuts off abruptly.'']

==See Also==
*[[Asperchu]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[15 January 2010]]|nextlink=[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}

Family Guy

2010-01-16T20:10:49Z

BanjoSplice:

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris's favorite Family Guy character, [[Pedofork|Herbert]]. ''Get your fat ass back here!'']]

''[[Family Guy]]'' is a mediocre [[Random-access humor|animated sitcom]] renowned for its lack of originality and blatant plagiarism, which is ironic considering [[Chris|Chris]] rips it off so much in his comics.

The series is also the inspiration for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in ''[[Sonichu 7]]'' and introduced the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and Peter Griffin (srsly, and you thought his mix of him and [[Sonichu]] was bad!). Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', Seth McFarlane, could possibly use his sketch in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize McFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, boring shit on his own.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]

Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least deriving) themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in a recent episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute ham-fisted irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

One of the best examples of Chris's misunderstandings of the show is Chris's referencing of a scene in which Stewie quotes the Bible to prove that gay marriage is wrong, the joke being that Stewie is constantly switching between being gay and straight (more often leaning toward gay), making his quoting of the Bible hypocritical. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris is using an animated comedy show to form his opinions on things like this.

It is notable that Seth McFarlane holds almost the complete opposite beliefs to Chris — he is liberal, an atheist, supports [[Homos|gay]] marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing McFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.

Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex. When he's angry - in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] - Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which is originally one of Peter Griffin's stock sayings.

==Chris's influence on ''Family Guy''==
[[Image:Peter Weston Griffen.JPG|thumb|Coincidence? Or Seth McFarlane taking the piss?]]

While probably unintentional, there are a few instances of eerie similarity from Chris's work on ''Family Guy''.

The first few minutes of "Road to Germany", where Mort Goldman looks desperately for a bathroom, only to accidentally go into Stewie's new time machine, is strikingly similar to the ''Ghostbusters'' skitch.

Likewise, many CWC trolls noticed how uncanny Peter Griffin in the episode "Three Kings" was wearing a shirt very similar to one of Chris's [[Chris and fashion|trademark shirts]]. However, the shirt was originally featured in the 1986 film, [[Wikipedia:Stand_by_Me_(film)|Stand by Me]], which this segment of "Three Kings" was based on.<ref>[http://www.breakfastclubquotes.com/images/StandByMe1.jpg TCM advert for Stand by Me]</ref>

In the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Goy|Family Goy]]", Peter falls in love with a cardboard cutout of [[Kimmi|Kathy Ireland]] and later [[Sex tape|has sex with said cutout]].

==Controversy==
A majority of the show is based off of its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. Jokes which would fly right over any kid's head Chris believes kids find so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, all of which are lewd.

==Chris and Meg==

{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on Family Guy]</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009]]
Chris has a crush on Megan Griffin (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as [[Chris|fat, unlikeable, ugly]] and given very few lines in episodes. Despite this, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his comics (see [[:Image:Chrischantraced2.jpg|here]]).

On 8 October 2009, he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "Road to the Multiverse" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only McFarlane let Meg turn 18 that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>
 
 
It is unknown what his opinion of Meg is following all the "nasty-ass" sex she had with Jerome in Family Guy 0807 ("Jerome is the New Black").

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris went and inserted Meg into the comic, having her compliment Chris on the comic. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him.

==Chris's message to Seth McFarlane==
On 05 June 2009, [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth McFarlane, via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of your Calvacade; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.
 Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give [[Megan]] more respect, because she IS VERY BEATIFUL in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.
 We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.
 Peace,
 Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==''The Cleveland Show''==

27 September 2009 saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took one of the least popular characters on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]] [[Sports bra photo series|bra-wearing]] [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 December 2009, after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes."

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth McFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|December 9th, 2009]] Chris states that he's heard rumors that Seth McFarlane is planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news swells [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]] and he feels the need to pitch his idea for the plot. Below is the plot currently posted on the Cwcipedia.

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the [[Lie|Comic Con]] or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homo#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|my two S-Chu Balls]], toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this [[Hanky-Panky|can be a really]] [[China|good story]]). For the "B" Story, Brian gets a bit antsy around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show [[Chris and his Ego|much, much better]]. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos|homosexuality]] and his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]]. Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

{{quotebox|Family Guy
-Megan does not deserve the abuse she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!

-Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up Straight.

-Chris finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of Season 6, Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in Season 7?

-While I can see Brain looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?

-In "Road to Multiverse", in the "Robot Chicken" Universe, Stewie asks Seth Greene through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my PS3, the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some.

American Dad
-There should be More Stories starring Haley.

The Cleveland Show
-I do not care for all the dick jokes. }}

==See also==
*[[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with Peter Griffin.
*''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
*''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
*''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Wikipedia article on ''Family Guy'']]

{{CWCipedia}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

12 January 2010

2010-01-13T05:27:20Z

BanjoSplice: wording seemed a bit off

'''12 January 2010''' (officially '''01122010.MOV''') was uploaded by [[Chris]] on 12 January 2010. In this video, Chris, [[Chris and reality|delusional as always]], mentions talks about working with now-defunct anime distribution company [[Wikipedia:A.D. Vision|A.D.Vision]] (now known as Section 23) and gives a shout out to a mysterious girl named Ginger before going into a [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] over the [[Asperchu]] ads on his site. He asserts his alleged heterosexuality by placing a ''[[Playboy]]'' centerfold featuring Marge Simpson on his rear wall.

At the end, he punches out his camera, thus ensuring many videos with skipping audio (or even worse) to come.

==Description==
{{quotebox|
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, ALEC!!! }}

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = 01122010.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|eKo4EDlVRxc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 12 January 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Advicedogshirt.png]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]] Saga
| previous = [[Down with Asperchu]]
| next = [[12 January 2010|Current]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==

Captain's Log, January 12, 2010.

Uh, first off, a couple of bentos-a couple of small anouncements, uh...

I'm possibly in talks with, uh, [[wikipedia:A.D. Vision|A.D. Vision]] about a project, possibly. But also, uh, hi, Ginger.

Alright, so with that aside, let's get down to the [[duck|meat]] here. Again, DOWN with that god damn [[Asperchu|Alec]]. I mean, he pai- he paid off that-s god damn [[Jack Thaddeus]] just so he can take over the stupid ad space. Ugh, I mean, I would've preferred Jack Thaddeus BACK at this point!

GOD DAMNIT! YOU'RE TICKING ME OFF HERE! [[Death_threats#Alec_Benson_Leary|I'M GONNA COME AFTER YOU!]] I'm gonna come after you. I'm gonna sc- I'm gonna RUIN YOU! LEARY!!

ERNGH! You just make me so ANGRY...

[''Chris displays the [[Claw of Fail|claws]] and grunts for a little bit before punching out his camera.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Down with Asperchu]]|nextlink=[[12 January 2010|Current]]|}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

{{Captain's Log}}