CWCki - User contributions [en]

Good Fan Art

2012-04-10T14:01:51Z

Bearpatrol: /* Gallery */

'''[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Good_Fan_Art Good Fan Art]''' is a gallery of images created by Chris of "good" fan art (read: fan art that [[Chris and his Ego|praises him]] or in the very least doesn't have [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]]) on [[CWCipedia]] on 10 [[August 2009]].

Notable fanart includes some of [[Ivy]]'s renditions of classic Sonichu characters, in addition to fanart from [[PandaHalo]] and [[Blanca]]. Interestingly, Chris chooses to include less flattering but not outright offensive art, such as Sonichu ''á la'' the [http://ohinternet.com/360_Kid 360 kid] and a picture that crudely depicts Chris's demented mind. He includes these most likely because he can't read between the lines.

==Gallery==

'''Good Sonichu/Rosechu FanArt Gallery'''
<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Sonichur.jpg
Image:SonichuCover10.jpg
Image:PandaSonichu.JPG
Image:SurfingSonichubyPandaHalo.JPG
Image:Rosechu by PandaHalo.png
Image:PandaFanComic.JPG

Image:Chloe.png
Image:Blazebob.png
Image:DemonichubyPandaHalo.JPG
Image:BobChrisChanAndChloe.png
Image:SchuRchuFanSite.JPG

Image:IvysRosechu.jpg
Image:IvysBubbles to Blake.jpg
Image:Layla.jpg
Image:Princessivy.png
Image:Ivy.png

Image:Moeeth.png
Image:Sonichu111.jpg
Image:Rosechu1111.jpg
Image:Pd.jpg
Image:AliciasSonichuandRosechuFanart.jpg

Image:Issue 12 Cover.jpg
Image:Jiggy.jpg
Image:Jiggliami Jigglypuff x Sonic by KawaiiKitsune123.jpg
Image:Jiggliami Flash by KawaiiKitsune123.jpg
Image:Jiggliami Human by KawaiiKitsune123.jpg

Image:Punchy Sonichu by Evang y.JPG
Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png
Image:Punksonichu.jpg
Image:SoniChu Revamp Sonichu+Rosechu.png
Image:SoniChu Revamp Blachu.png

Image:BubblesRevamp.jpg
Image:Anon fanart 7 by viviG.JPG
Image:Sonichu vivi vs Ness chris by viviG.JPG
Image:ViviGSonichu4.JPG
Image:Sonichu ripped.JPG

Image:Cc4.JPG
Image:Fistofthesonichu.JPG
Image:Sonichu dark.JPG
Image:Sonichubetterthancanon.JPG
Image:SonichuWillShowYouOnline.JPG

Image:Sonichu12.jpg
Image:Slaweelchan.JPG
Image:Maryleewalshpatriot.png
Image:Againstjerkops.jpg
Image:AlainaSonichu.JPG

Image:BeinandSonichu.JPG
Image:Chris Chan by balsis.jpg
Image:Cindyleblanc-Rosechu.jpg
Image:Cindyleblanc-adventure.jpg
Image:Classic Sonichu by mrstupes.jpg

Image:CWCCharaciture.jpg

</gallery>
</noinclude>

==See also:==
{{CWCipedia|Good Fan Art={{NAMESPACE}}|Good Fan Art={{NAMESPACE}}}}
*[[CWCipedia]]
*[[:Category:Fan art|Evil Fan Art]]

[[Category:CWCipedia]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

File:Sonichur.jpg

2012-04-10T14:01:14Z

Bearpatrol: Sonichu as drawn by Edis Krad/Arkaid

Sonichu as drawn by Edis Krad/Arkaid

Homemade Nintendo Power magazine

2011-11-25T01:35:38Z

Bearpatrol:

[[Chris]] had the great idea to make his own '''[[Nintendo Power magazine|''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]''' when he was sixteen years old. The result was something that would only be moderately impressive if done by an elementary school child in art class. The magazine is showcased by Chris on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|DVD]].

The issue doesn't contain much other than (you guessed it) shitty drawings of his shitty ideas for video games. This relic is first shown to the world in the [[Song of Christian]]. He also includes his craptastic creation [[Bionic]] in this issue of failure. The piece of work reflects on Chris's distorted view of how video game companies would be willing to make video games on obsolete gaming systems and giving up their intellectual property over to another company just to make a fucktard happy. Even though this example of Chris's fail was created over a decade ago, he still flaunts it about as one of his greatest artistic achievements. Sadly, this probably ''was'' one of his greatest artistic achievements.

==Content==
Chris-chan's creative sterility is on full display here. He slavishly imitates a commercial product using the limited tools available to him: he creates fake letters, copied game sales charts (that he obviously sped through, but knew he had to create), previews for pretend games, imitation strategy guides, and recycled cheat codes. He even mocks up godawful Sonichu ads. Interestingly, many of his ideas seem geared toward making the games easier, such as adding save functionality to older Sonic games, more air bubbles for underwater levels, or making the hidden armor in ''[[Megan|Megaman]] X'' easier to get to, even though the series in question prides itself on its difficult gameplay.

Even the horrible video game ideas are shamelessly recycled; for instance, ''Sonic 64'' is exactly like ''Super Mario 64'', the Sonic SNES collection is just like ''Super Mario All-Stars''. In the [[Song of Christian]] video, Chris reveals that the ''Megaman X'' game he describes is, in fact, a proposed sequel that recycles enemies from previous ''Megaman'' and ''Megaman X'' games, which is an outstanding satire of Capcom's... fffhahaha just kidding, Chris is even less creative than we thought. Chris claims the ''[[Transformers]]: Beast Wars'' game in the magazine is his own idea, but this was an actual video game made for the N64 and PlayStation. Chris is also one of the few people in the world who liked ''Cruis'n USA'' (a.k.a "the second most underwhelming N64 game after ''Superman 64''") and as a result had high anticipation for ''Cruis'n World''.

'''TL;DR:''' Even when given literally unlimited creative control over his little fake ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', Chris can only repeat what he's seen, only mixed up very slightly.

While Sonic "dumping" Sega to be on a [[Nintendo]] console seems eerily prescient, rest assured it's just a huge coincidence nobody back in 1998 would've seen coming true. Still, imagine how CWC must've sperged over Sega shitting itself and dying, consigned to releasing terrible, terrible 3D Sonic games on, among other things, Nintendo consoles. Like the cargo cults of the South Pacific, Chris's homemade ''Nintendo Power'' prediction coming kinda-sorta true likely spurred on his quest to see Sonichu somehow made into a video game and place extra credence in his dreams associated with his [[love quest]]. In fact, during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris occasionally mentions how he had "predicted" things like Sonic games on the Game Boy, or 3D Sonic games, as though his tard musings would somehow impress one of the greatest game makers of all time.

Also, it's worth taking a paragraph to examine the ''Sonic Start'' segment, a fine display of Chris's [[Chris and his ego|masturbatory narcissism]] and sense of entitlement. The fictional NP writer praises Chris's "creativity" (which, as has been established above, is nonexistent) and exalts his determination to see his dreams come true. This determination is immediately rendered moot, when the heads of Nintendo and SEGA fall over themselves to make his dream come true, and he ends up doing none of the work himself. In his fantasy, he is given the world on a silver platter as reward for his astounding creativity and determination, without ever actually using either.

[[Chris and art|Plus all his drawings blow, but that goes without saying, really.]]

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Text==

On 24 March 2009, [[PandaHalo]] released the [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. Among its contents was this hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Presented here are the full contents of that magazine. All spelling errors and the like are Chris’s own.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|Sonic the Hedgehog tries to dump the shitty magazine, but he's trapped in a net made of Chris's pubes.]]

===Cover===

CHRISTIAN CHANDLER

'''NINTENDO POWER'''

[Drawing: Sonic jumps from a (badly drawn) Sega Genesis to a (badly drawn) Nintendo 64.]

SONIC the Hedgehog DUMPS SEGA and JOINS Nintendo!

{{-}}

[[Image:004-CWCsNP1.jpg|thumb|left|After being given a [[Chris and copyright|Simpsons-esque mouth]] and witnessing Chrissy's horrors, Sonic's floating disembodied head gouged one of its eyes out in disgust.]]

===SONIC the Hedghog===

Comes to Game Boy, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64. Sonic Tails, his friends and enemies, all dump Sega and join the Nintendo family. So, get your Game Boy, SNES, and N64, and join the way past cool fun.

[Drawing: A huge portrait of Sonic's head winks at the reader.]

[Drawings: Two screenshots of Sonic gameplay are shown. The first shows a 2D view of Sonic running through a loop in one of the "Tropical" themed Zones, whilst the other shows a 3D "Over the Shoulder" view of Sonic on a green background.]

{{-}}

[[Image:005-CWCsNP2.jpg|thumb|The special features are almost non-existent, as Chris is too lazy and too retarded to think of any.]]

===CONTENTS===

Volume ___ ___ ___

====STRATEGY====

* Sonic 64
* Sonic & Knuckles 2
* Super Sonic
* [[Wikipedia:Beast Wars: Transformers|Beast Wars]]
* Mega Man X 64

====SPECIAL FEATURES====

* Sonic's History

====EVERY ISSUE====

* Player's Pulse
* Power Charts
* Classified Info.
* Counselor's Corner
* Player's Poll Con.
* Arena
* Now Playing
* Game List
* Next Issue

{{-}}

[[Image:006-CWCsNP3.jpg|thumb|left|In a haste to make "screenshots", Chris scribbled random colors everywhere using Magic Markers.]]

=== PLAYER'S PULSE ===

Sonic is welcomed into the Nintendo family in this month's issue, and if the readers say we are joking, well guess what, we aren't. This Month, gamers just want to tell their Nintendo stories. So, it might get a little silly.

[Drawing: A postcard bears two vague ''Star Fox'' screenshots.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

====Sonic Start====

How we got started with the Sonic business, you may ask. Well, you'll have to give most of the credit to Christian Chandler of Richmond, VA. In the beginning, he sent us a letter saying that he had a dream about Sonic on Game Boy, it was a Game Boy version of Sonic and Knuckles. At first we said that he had, "Rocks in his head," but we were completely wrong. Recently, he sent us a copy of a '''Nintendo Power''' magazine he made himself. As we looked through it, we thought, [[Chris and his Ego|"This boy is very creative"]] and, "he is also determined to make his [[China|dream]] come true." So, we decided to shake hands with Sega, and make this boy's dreams come true. We started off by actually making Sonic 64 for N64, Sonic & Knuckles 2 for Game boy, and Super Sonic for SNES. Then, we sent him a letter letting him know that his dream ''will'' come true, and he may come down to Nintendo of America, here in Redwood, WA, to watch the development of his dream coming true. And that he will get a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|free copy]] of each Sonic title for each system. Then, We made this magizine, using his home made cover, under his permission. And that's how we got started with the Sonic business.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague Star Fox artwork.] 
[Caption: Christian Chandler • Richmond, Virgina]

{{-}}

[[Image:007-CWCsNP4.jpg|thumb|Screenshot from Chris's new game "Super Smash Bros.: Anorexic Edition".]]

==== Cruis'n no more====

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a car.] 
[Caption: Rocket Thompson • Nashville, Tennesee]

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a Nintendo coat of arms.] 
[Caption: <s>Rockey</s> Rocky Coolio • New York, New York]

I just got Cruis'n USA for N64. And I got all of my cars, including the Police car, School Bus, and Jeep, up graded. I tried to upgrade my Italia some more, but it didn't get a higher speed. What I'd like to know is, why?

John Taylor 
Via the Internet.

John, the reason that you didn't get a higher speed on your Italia is, because that's the only top maximum speed. And you can't upgrade it any more.

[Drawing: A postcard bears vague artwork of a blue Yoshi raspberrying a bald Bowser.] 
[Caption: Ted Quimby • Angel Grove, California]

[Drawing: A periodical information column (composed of a blurry Nintendo Power logo, a bunch of squiggly lines, and a blurry Nintendo Seal of Quality) runs down the right-hand margin of the page.]

{{-}}

[[Image:008-CWCsNP5.jpg|thumb|left|Donkey Kong looks like a [[Patti Chandler|brown dog]], but that's not the last of Chris's poor drawing skills.]]

===POWER CHARTS===

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show Yoshi's Story, Mario Kart 64, and Star Fox 64.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Company
|-
| <s>1. 2</s>
|-
| 1. Yoshi's Story
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Mario Kart 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Star Fox 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Super Mario 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Goldeneye 007
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Diddy Kong Racing
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Wave Race 64
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Mischief Makers
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. Cruis'n USA
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. WCW vs. NWO:
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong Country, and Mega Man X.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Lengend of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. D.K.C. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Mega Man X1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. S.M.W. 1
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Mario Paint
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 6. Super Mario Kart
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 7. Star Fox
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 8. Super Mario All Stars
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 9. S.M.W. 2
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 10. Super Tennis
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawings: Thumbnail screenshots show The Legend of Zelda, Tetris, and Game & Watch Gallery.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Game
! Company
|-
| 1. Legnd of Zelda
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 2. Tetris
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 3. Game & Watch Gallary
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 4. Wave Race
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|-
| 5. Donkey Kong Land 3
| ~ ~ ~ ~
|}

[Drawing: A thumbnail screenshot shows hypothetical "Zelda 64" gameplay.]

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Most Wanted
|-
| 1. Zelda 64
|-
| 2. N64 D.D.
|-
| 3. Goldeneye 007
|-
| 4. Yoshi's Story
|-
| 5. Super Mario 64 2
|-
| 6. Mission Impossible
|-
| 7. Super Mario RPG 2
|-
| 8. WCW vs. NWO: World Tour
|-
| 9. Earthbound 64
|-
| 10. Cruis'n World
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:009-CWCsNP6.jpg|thumb|[[Tomgirl|A boy stands next to an obese, handless elf wearing a dress]].]]

===LETTERS, CONTINUED...===

[Drawing: A photograph shows a boy posing next to a life-size Link.] 
[Caption: Kevin ARNOLD won the "test Zelda 64 contest!"]

====Banjo-Kazooie fans====

I have been waiting a long time for Banjo-Kazooie for N64. I have played as him on Diddy Kong Racing, and He's my favorite character. Now that he's finally going to get his own game, I can't wait.

Zach de Brown 
Columbia, OH

I have Diddy Kong Racing for N64, and my favorite character is Banjo. You may think that he is one of the slowest drivers in DKR, but I was able to make the fastest times in all tracks playing as that cool bear. Besides, my name rhymes with his name, and I think that is cool.

Manjo Maurice 
Newport News, VA

''WRITE AWAY RIGHTAWAY''

{{-}}

[[Image:010-CWCsNP7.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic and Tails desperately try to escape by flying into Super Mario 64...]]

===SONIC the Hedgehog Nintendo Trio===

After over 100 issues, Sonic and his friends and enemies, comes to the N64, SNES, and Game Boy. We'll tell you about the 3 games, then we'll take a trip through time and look through Sonic's history. For now, here's...

====SONIC the Hedehog 64====

[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]] is at it again; this time, he kidnapped Princess Sally and stole the power of the Chaos Emeralds from her castle, and he robotisized the life in the castle. Sonic warps to the castle through a warp ring, so he can save the princess. What follows is tough; with adventures in 15 worlds and many secret special stages. He must collect the emeralds of the castle and destroy Dr. Robotnik. He will also have to destroy robots, big and small, fly with Tails, climb the walls with Knuckles, and slam it with his big brother, Bionic.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails carries Sonic through the air to Princess <s>Toadstool's</s> Sally's castle.]

So, let's help our favorite hedgehog, and kick Robotnik's behind in a 64 bit world.

{{-}}

[[Image:011-CWCsNP8.jpg|thumb|...but they were captured by Chris's army of Transformers and now they are doomed to serve Chris, primarily by punching the screen like idiots.]]

=====''Super Sonic's moves''=====

[Drawings: Screenshots show Sonic using each of his moves next to their respective descriptions.]

'''Spin Dash.'''
Dash through enemies by holding down and pressing the A button to slice an enemy in half for a ring.

'''Pound that Bot.'''
You can use this technique to smash bots and [[computers]]. While in the air, press the Z button to pound the ground.

'''Swim.'''
Stroke and kick in the water instead of walking in it, but make sure you come back to the surface, or get an air bubble, for air before the power meter runs out.

'''Punch.'''
To punch out a bot, press the B button, and he'll jump back, crash and release a ring for you.

[Drawing: Sonic strikes a pose, throwing a friendly jab at the reader.]

{{-}}

[[Image:012-CWCsNP9.jpg|thumb|left|And here are Sonic's... <s>Cellmates</s> <s>[[Homos|Butt Buddies]]</s> friends that help.]]

=====SONIC'S ...friends that help.=====

Sonic has friends that help him on his quest to save the Princess.

'''TAILS'''

[Drawing: Tails stands in place and stares dead ahead, looking autistic.]

He'll fly you anywhere you want. Press and hold B to grab his hand, so he can fly you towards great heights.

'''KNUCKLES'''

[Drawing: Knuckles stands in place, holding a ''Knuckles' Chaotix''-esque ring cord and smirking.]

Knuckles the Enchidna can help Sonic up walls and through walls. Grab the empty end of his Ring Cord, and he'll help you up a wall. Punch the spot you want him to punch, and he'll punch it open like an egg.

'''[[Bionic|BIONIC]]'''

[Drawing: Bionic strides forward, spinning a basketball on one finger.]

Bionic is Sonic's big brother. He is the greatest Basketball player, and he is a great mechanic. If Sonic needs to pull a high switch, Bionic can slam it down. Jump at it to show where it is, and he'll get it. He'll also shut down big machines for Sonic.

{{-}}

[[Image:013-CWCsNP10.jpg|thumb|Chris went to the low of cutting these pictures off of a 2-year-old's drawing so he can make his magazine.]]

=====How Sonic's friends can help.=====

[Drawing: Knuckles helps Sonic up a wall using a ring cord.]

Knuckles climbs walls and mountains.

[Drawing: A virtually unrecognizable Tails flies Sonic through the air.]

Tails flies you anywhere.

[Drawing: Bionic shuts a big machine down for Sonic.]

Bionic shuts down big machines and slams a big switch.

{{-}}

[[Image:014-CWCsNP11.jpg|thumb|left|Taking into account his [[Simonla|belief in a Toon Town-esque universe where fictional characters' lives and actions are influenced by artists like voodoo dolls]], Chris drew Robotnik in a way that he'd trip on his own body weight and shape. And having him steal Mario's trousers.]]

====SONIC & KNUCKLES 2====

[Drawing: The ''Sonic and Knuckles'' logo looms large on the page, with Sonic somewhat resembling a Q*Bert silhouette and Knuckles squashed against the bottom end of the logo.]

Robotnik again?!!! Well, he'll have to get through Sonic and Knuckles in this sequel to the famous, original Genesis game.

[Drawings: Two monochrome screenshots show different instances of gameplay- one shows Sonic running through one of the Zones and approaching a Ring Monitor, whilst the other shows Knuckles fighting the boss from ''Sonic and Knuckles''' Mushroom Hill, Act 2.]

Like the original game, you can play as Sonic or Knuckles, but you still got to destroy Robotnik.

[Drawing: Dr. Robotnik leaps through the air, grimacing.] 
[Thought bubbles: "I hate Sonic..." "...and that enchidna, too!"]

{{-}}

[[Image:015-CWCsNP12.jpg|thumb|The only reason why SNK2 is a Game Boy game is because Chris is trying to justify his artistic incompetence.]]

[Drawings: Screenshots demonstrate each of the four features listed.]

Thanks to the battery-save option, your game can be saved in a file, or you can delete a file and do it all over again. Or, you can play a no-save game for more fun.

Underwater zones are tough, but luckily, there are many air bubbles to use.

When you play as Knuckles the Enchidna, you can climb walls, glide, and punch bots out.

You can obtain a chaos emerald by turning all blank balls into wavy-lined balls. But, if you get a wavy-lined ball, the special stage will end early. You can access the special stages by finding the hidden giant rings and entering them.

{{-}}

[[Image:016-CWCsNP13.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic's bad hair day.]]

====SUPER SONIC====

[Drawing: A hypothetical ''Super Sonic'' logo looms large on the page.]

Now, here's the final Sonic game for this section. It's the SNES game, Super Sonic. In this game, we took a few of the original Genesis games, Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, and programmed them in one SNES game cartridge.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title screen.]

Like the classic SNES game, Super Mario All Stars, you can pick a game, any game, and play that game.

[Drawing: Sonic surfs onto the page, riding a giant SNES controller.]

{{-}}

[[Image:017-CWCsNP14.jpg|thumb|Horribly traced from screenshots and boxart.]]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the game's title select screen.] 
[Caption: SUPER SONIC GAMES SELECT SCREEN.]

To get you started off right, all you have to do is press start when the "Super Sonic" title comes up. Then, you pick the game you want to play, press start, and you're off on a cool adventure.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic standing in the Marble Zone, next to one of the Lava Pits.] 
[Caption: MARBLE ZONE OF SONIC 1.]

Tip: in the Marble Zone, in Sonic 1, watch for the fire, it'll really burn you up.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the start of Angel Island Act 1, from Sonic 3.] 
[Caption: STORY SEQUENCE OF SONIC 3.]

In the beginning of Sonic 3, the story sequence will show that Sonic just finished Sonic 2, and collected all the Chaos Emeralds. But, trouble comes along when Knuckles steals all the chaos emeralds from Sonic, and has hidden them in the special stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:018-CWCsNP15.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic smiled bravely in the face of that horrible arm-withering disease...]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses with both hands at his waist, looking smug.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Sonic running through one of Green Hill Zone's loops, from Sonic 1.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 1, you would get the fun of the original Genesis game. Except, the game is more colorful and savable. The special stages are now way past cooler.

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 2=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a halfpipe special stage from Sonic 2.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Miles/Tails joins the Super Sonic fun. This game has more loop-de-loops, power sneakers, and the mazes are more mysterious. And, with the spin dash, corkscrew runs, and pinball-like fun, which makes this game way past cooler.

{{-}}

[[Image:019-CWCsNP16.jpg|thumb|...but tragically, it then spread to his fingers. Might've had an effect on Sonic's usual colour, too.]]

=====SONIC the Hedgehog 3=====

[Drawing: Sonic poses by holding up three terrifying fingers.]

In Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Tails fly to a floating island. But, they were out of luck when Knuckles the Enchidna joins Dr. Robotnik in destroying Sonic the Hedgehog. In the beginning, Knuckles steals the chaos emeralds from Sonic. But, thanks to the 3-D special stages, Sonic can get the chaos emeralds back, but it's up to you to determine if Sonic wins or not.

[Drawing: Knuckles peeks out from behind a screenshot of one of Sonic 3's 3D special stages.]

=====SONIC & KNUCKLES=====

In Sonic & Knuckles, Knuckles switches sides in Sonic's favor, because Knuckles has found out that Robotnik wanted the giant chaos emerald that powers up the floating island. So, now it's up to you to help Sonic and Knuckles get the emerald back.

[Drawing: The ''Sonic & Knuckles'' logo looms large once again.]

{{-}}

[[Image:020-CWCsNP17.jpg|thumb|left|The controller is so well designed, even a [[Chris|retard]] can use it with ease.]]

===Transformers BEAST WARS Fighters===

The Beast Wars has just gone into the 64-bit world. All the Maximals and Predicons are in your control to fight one-another. You would be able to play up to 4 players in VS. mode, and fight each other. We will give the controls of the game, and the control combinations for each fighter.

[Drawing: A near-life-size N64 controller shows the controls.]

L button: makes your fighter attack in vehicle mode (transmetalic robots only)

R button: makes your fighter fly (certain robots only)'', jumps''

C-Up: changes your fighter's mode (robot-beast, beast to robot, (all fighters) beast-vehicle, vechile-robot (transmetalic robots only)).

C-Left: changes fighting view to the left.

C- Right: changes fighting view to the right.

C-Down: makes your fighter, in beast mode, attack.

B button: uses your fighter's weapon.

A button: throw punches.

Start: pauses game, and brings option screen up.

Z button: makes a kick.

Control Stick: moves your robot around in all directions.

Rumble Pak compatible.

{{-}}

[[Image:021-CWCsNP18.jpg|thumb|Was that Cheetor or an oversized [[Pickle]]?]]

====Optimus Primal====

[Drawing: Optimus Primal show offs his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hoverboard
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Plasma Gun
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Backpack tank
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Hoverboard kick
|}

====Cheetor====

[Drawing: Cheetor shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'8"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Wing Jets
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Whip Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Plasma Cannon
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Jet cannons
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:022-CWCsNP19.jpg|thumb|left|Silverbolt gets his [[duck]] out.]]

====Rattrap====

[Drawing: Rattrap shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hot Rod
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Tail Whip
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+L=Wheel Shield
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Tail Stab
|}

====Silverbolt====

[Drawing: Silverbolt shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Wing Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+R+Z=Pick up and kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Wing Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:023-CWCsNP20.jpg|thumb|Who would've known that Megatron was actually the bastard child of Barney and the Michelin Man?]]

====Dinobot====

[Drawing: Dinobot shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Maximal Weapon: Sword
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| B+C-Down=Eye lasers
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Tail Whip
|}

====Megatron====

[Drawing: Megatron shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Hover Jets
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Tail Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+B=Tail whip
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Ramming Speed
|}

[[Image:024-CWCsNP21.jpg|thumb|left]]

====Tarantulas====

[Drawing: Tarantulas shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'9"
|-
| Type: Transmetal
|-
| Vehicle: Motorcycle
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Sharp Zapper
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-Down=Leg Zappers
|-
| Vehicle Mode attack: Stinger Zapper
|}

====Waspinator====

[Drawing: Waspinator shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'7"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Stinger Missles
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| C-Up+Z=Drop kick
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Stinger Missles
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:025-CWCsNP22.jpg|thumb]]

====Quickstrike====

[Drawing: Quickstrike shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 5'6"
|-
| Type: Fuzor
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Cobra Laser
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| A+C-down=Scorpion-Leg grab
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Cobra-Head Strike
|}

====Inferno====

[Drawing: Inferno shows off his beast and robot forms.]

{| class="wikitable"
! Status:
|-
| Height: 6'0"
|-
| Type: Regular
|-
| Vehicle: none
|-
| Predicon Weapon: Flame Rifle
|-
! Control Combinations:
|-
| R+Z=Jet Shots
|-
| Beast Mode attack: Pounce
|}

{{-}}

[[Image:026-CWCsNP23.jpg|thumb|left|A Sunburnt X fires spoons.]]

===MEGA MAN X 64===

[Drawing: Mega Man X jumps through the air, firing his X-Buster.]

After all this time, Mega Man X is back, and on the Nintendo 64. Sigma has captured Zero, and he won't give him back. So, X must rescue Zero from Sigma in the 2 1/2-D/ 3-D battle. In this game, there are a lot of Robot Bosses, old and new, to fight before he can reach Sigma.

{{-}}

[[Image:027-CWCsNP24.jpg|thumb|Zero also tried escaping the shitty magazine, but was also captured. He did not know about it, until the last minute.]]

[Drawing: Sigma has been revived following his defeat.] 
[Caption: SIGMA: Back from the scrap heap!]

Sigma was destroyed back in Mega Man X2, but, thanks to the original evil's son, Dr. Wiley Jr., Sigma is back on-line, and ready for revenge on Mega Man X.

[Drawing: Zero is being held captive in a cage.] 
[Caption: Zero, Captured?!!!]

Zero did not know about it, until the last minute.

[Drawing: Mega Man X's original armor has returned.] 
[Caption: Revived Armor.]

X's original Armor, Helmit, and Speed boots are revived in this game, but they are scattered in 3 capsauls, and in 3 different stages.

{{-}}

[[Image:028-CWCsNP25.jpg|thumb|left|Snake Man's bad hair day.]]

====STORM EAGLE====

[Drawing: A map of Storm Eagle's stage shows the locations of hidden items.]

'''(1) Aero Power!'''

There is an E-tank in the airplane, and to get it is fairly easy. Just charge up your X-Buster, and destroy both Jet Engines. Your prize awaits in the pilot's cockpit.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(2) Helmet Power'''

X's helmit is behind some gas tanks. All you have to do is shoot through them to get the helmit. The helmit allows X to break through bricks and various other structures above X. And it also allows X to resist more head damages from above.

=====TORNADO Power!=====

Storm Eagle attacks by swooping down one side and then the other. Just get out of the way when he swoops, and quickly turn and fire when he's at your level.

[Drawing: Storm Eagle stands in place, looking mildly intimidating.]

====SNAKE MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) Blast 4 Dash,'''

X's Dash Boots are in this "Snakey" stage. All you have to do is blast through some rocks, and you'll be able to get your boots.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ReRattled Snake!=====

Snake Man shoots out snakes that explode after a few seconds. Just avoid the snakes, and shoot the sneaky Snake Man.

[Drawing: Snake Man stands in place, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:029-CWCsNP26.jpg|thumb|Wheel Gator's best [[Chris]] Impersonation.]]

====WHEEL GATOR====

[Drawing: A map of Wheel Gator's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====ROLL OUT!=====

Wheel gator will throw his spin wheels at you, and try to jump on to you. Climb the wall, to dodge them, jump over the wheels, and shoot him, and he's history.

[Drawing: Wheel Gator lunges to one side, looking mildly intimidating.]

====NEON TIGER====

[Drawing: A map of Neon Tiger's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====TIGER BOT!=====

Jump high to avoid Neon Tiger's electro-bullets. Defeat the beast with your X-Buster. Slashing viciously with his super-charged claws, the Neon Tiger certainly does not fight fair.

[Drawing: Neon Tiger lunges to one side, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:030-CWCsNP27.jpg|thumb|left|Take Evasive action when Chris confuses [[Pokemon|Heracross]] and Gravity Beetle.]]

====GRAVITY BEETLE====

[Drawing: A map of Snake Man's stage shows the location of a hidden item.]

'''(1) KICKIN' FOR THE ARMOR'''

Don't miss the bricks to kick, while go<s>o</s>ing down the shaft. Kick the bricks to get to the armor.

[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====BIG BAD BEETLEBOT!=====

Squish Gravity Beetle with the help of your Ray Splasher, which you got by beating Neon Tiger. Take evasive action when the beetle starts to bug you.

[Drawing: Gravity Beetle charges forward, looking mildly intimidating.]

====BUBBLE CRAB====

[Drawing: A map of Bubble Crab's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====CRABBY CRAB!=====

To defeat this Crab, just fire the Spin Wheels at him. Spin Wheels do the most damage to Bubble Crab. Your goal should be to deep Bubble Crab as far away from you as you can. Let the Spin Wheels word their destructive magic on the mechanical crustacean while you stand back and prepare for your next shot.

[Drawing: Bubble Crab charges forward, looking mildly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:031-CWCsNP28.jpg|thumb|Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the worst Shadow Man ever. Looks like a [[Duck]] in a Halloween Costume.]]

====SHADOW MAN====

[Drawing: A map of Shadow Man's stage shows the way to the boss.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

=====SHADOW BOXING!=====

The best way to quiet Shadow Man is with the Storm Tornado. Just avoid Shadow Man's Blades and hit him with the Storm Tornado.

[Drawing: Shadow Man holds up a fist, looking profoundly retarded.]

{{-}}

[[Image:032-CWCsNP29.jpg|thumb|left|Q: When is a Penguin not a Penguin? A: When it's a [[Random Access Humor|Ball-point Penguin]].]]

====CHILL PENGUIN====

[Drawing: A map of Chill Penguin's stage shows the location of a hidden item.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

'''(1) MEGA BUSTER POWER!'''

After X gets the Mega Buster power, X can power-up any special weapon he has, as well as shoot two powerful Mega Buster shots in a row.

=====BALL-POINT PENGUIN!=====

Chill Penguin can't fly, but he is fairly fast, especially when he launches himself at you! It's best to stay back, charge up the Mega Buster, and let him have it.

[Drawing: Chill Penguin holds out a hand, looking mildly intimidating.]

{{-}}

[[Image:033-CWCsNP30.jpg|thumb|Ever wondered what [[Patti]] does between when Chris can be bothered to draw her?]]

====SIGMA'S REMATCH====

=====ROBOTIS DOG'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against Sigma's dog.] 
[Drawing: A diagram shows a top-down view of the boss arena.]

You may recall Sigma's dog from Mega Man X1 for SNES, Sigma's pet was able to pounce around, and spit fire. Now, in this Nintendo 64 game, this dog can transform into a jet, spit more fire, and jumps farther in his 360 degree battle arena. This would be a good time for the Shotgun Ice you got from Chill Penguin.

=====WILEY JR.'s MONKEY!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a giant robot monkey.]

Bad, old Dr. Wiley had a son, and that boy has revived Sigma, and wishes to destroy Mega Man X too. So, he built King Robong, a giant Robot Gorilla that will destroy X. The thing that will destroy this ape would be a dozen Shadow Blade shots, and good maneuver ability.

=====SIGMA'S RETURN!=====

[Drawing: A screenshot shows Mega Man X facing off against a new-and-improved Sigma.]

A long time ago, in the 2-D world, Sigma made it tough for X to destroy him, by wire-framing himself. But X sent him to the scrap heap anyway. But, Dr. Wiley Jr. has rebuilt and reprogrammed Sigma with more power, weapons, and transformation capabilities. Can X destroy this monster? Only you can figure it out.

{{-}}

[[Image:034-CWCsNP31.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic 2: Nocturnal Edition.]]

===CLASSIFIED INFORMATION===

[Drawing: A membership card is numbered "1234567891011121".]

====SONIC the Hedgehog====

=====Level Select & Sound Test Code=====

Since this issue has Sonic the Hedgehog was the main topic, we thought we would add a few Sonic codes. Starting with the well-known code for Sonic 1, this code is for the Level Select and Sound Test options.

[Drawings: Two screenshots show a code being entered.]

At the title screen, quickly press Up, Down, Left, Right, hold A, and press Start.

====SONIC the Hedgehog 2====

=====Level Select, and Chaos Emeralds Code=====

to get the Level Select option, go to the option menu, select the Sound Test, and play these tunes in this order: 19, 65, 9, and 17. You should hear a chime at the beginning of tune 17. Now, go back to the title screen, hold A, and press Start. Now you can select any level you wish to start on.

[Drawings: Three screenshots show a code being entered.]

To get Super Sonic instantly, you must have done the Level Select code, and be on the Level Select screen. Select the Sound Test option and play these tunes in this order: 4, 1, 2, and 6. Now, select the level you want to start on, hold A, and press Start. Now, collect 50 rings, or more, then jump in the air, and Sonic will transform into Super Sonic.

====MARIO KART 64====

=====Rocket Jump and Mushroom Castle=====

At the start of a race, press the accelerator just before the blue light comes on. You'll get a rocket powered kick in the Kart! If you hop just before you hit the Kart in front of you, you'll bounce wheels over heels past the other Karts and into 1st place!

{{-}}

[[Image:035-CWCsNP32.jpg|thumb|That green snowman with a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spiked turd]] on its head is supposed to be Bowser, who has as we speak, come across the "familiar sight" of a wall.]]

If you want to take a short break along the Royal Raceway, follow the path between the hills on the right just past the big jump. You can take a leisurely tour of the Mushroom Castle grounds, the site of the awards ceremony at the end of the game! Of course, you'll lose a lot of time, so don't do this if you want to win the race.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows three racers crossing a finish line.] 
[Caption: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Rocket Boosted Kart!]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows a player trailing behind Bowser.] 
[Caption: This will look very familiar to Super Mario 64 fans.]

====San Francisco RUSH Extreme Racing====

=====Rush on the Rock=====

Here's a multistep code for San Francisco Rush that will open up a hidden track on the island of Alcatraz, otherwise known as The Rock. When entering directional commands, you may use either the Control Pad or the Control Stick. You'll need the F1 car for this code. If you don't have it, first win any Circuit on Medium difficulty. From then on, if you use the same player, you can go to the Track Select screen and press Z 4 times to activate the F1 car. Now for the Alcatraz code. Complete a Circuit with the F1 car and watch the entire end cinema scene. Now enter the One Race mode and go to the Car Select screen. Hold left C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Left. Press B several times to go back to the main menu. Now access the Setup screen. Hold top C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Up. Go back out to the main menu. Reenter the One Race mode and go to the Track Select screen. Hold right C and press Z. release both buttons, then press Right. Select any track you wish. Now go to the Car select screen. Hold bottom C and press Z. Release both buttons, then press Down, L and R. If you enter the code correctly, you'll hear a trumpeting sound. Go back to the Track Select screen and scroll through the tracks to find Alcatraz.

[Drawing: A screenshot shows the F1 car and its specs.] 
[Caption: You must have the F1 car for this code to work.]

[Drawing: A screenshot shows an F1 car racing on Alcatraz.] 
[Caption: Take a ride on The Rock and bring home the trophy!]

====BANJO-KAZOOIE====

=====BOTTLE-BONUSES=====

To get these codes to work, you must complete a series of puzzles by entering Banjo's house, standing on the green rug, and looking (Up C to zoom in) at Bottles' picture twice. After completing each puzzle and receiving a code, enter it by using the Beak buster on the tiles in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Puzzle codes are not saved, and must be re-earned each time the machine is turned on.

<poem>
Earned by completing puzzles:
bottlesbonusone: big head Banjo
bottlesbonustwo: big hands Banjo
bottlesbonusthree: big head Kazooie
bottlesbonusfour: 'hot dog' Banjo - Banjo has a stretched-out body.
bottlesbonusfive: giant Banjo with a small head
bigbottlesbonus: giant Banjo and big head Kazooie
nobonus: returns Banjo-Kazooie to their normal form.
</poem>

{{-}}

[[Image:036-CWCsNP33.jpg|thumb|left|Banjo is attacked by what appears to be a toaster with eyes as he searches for secret codes.]]

Re-enter Banjo's houe, look at bottles' picture again to reveal one more puzzle and the code:

wishywashyBanjo: Turns Banjo into a washing machine

'''Note:''' You cannot play the puzzle games until you have found the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove

[Drawings: Three screenshots show Banjo turning into a washing machine.]

=====COVE CODES=====

You've been clamoring for more info. on Banjo-Kazooie, so this month we have a few newly-discovered codes. To use these codes, you must play up to Treasure Trove Cove without transforming at Mumbo's hut at all. Now collect the Jiggy in the Underwater Castle in Treasure Trove Cove. Enter the sand castle and use the Beak Buster to spell "CHEAT" on the floor tiles. Now spell any of the phrases below, leaving out the spaces between words.

<poem>
Unlimited Eggs:
BANJO BEGS FOR PLENTY OF EGGS.
Unlimited Red Feathers:
NOW YOU CAN FLY HIGH IN THE SKY.
99 Mumbo Tokens:
DON'T BE A DUMBO, GO SEE MUMBO.
Full Health:
AN ENERGY BAR TO GET YOU FAR.
Unlimited Air: GIVE THE BEAR LOTS OF AIR.
Extra Lives:
LOST OF GOES WITH MANY BANJOS.
Unlimited Gold Feathers:
A GOLDEN GLOW TO PROTECT BANJO.
</poem>

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

If you misspell anything exit the castle, then start from the work "CHEAT."

====PoKéMoN====

=====Charmander, Squirtle, and BULBASAUR=====

Link your game to a friends with a Game Link.Then have your friend start a new game but don't save it.If you picked a Charmander have your friend pick a Bulbasaur then you catch a pidgey and a rattata then trade with your friend a pidgey for his/her bulbasaur. Then have him/her start another game.Have your friend pick a squirtle then trade your rattata for the squirtle.This is the only way to get all 3.

[Drawings: Three tiny screenshots show each of the starter Pokémon.]

Note: In order to trade you must go to the cable club in a pokemon center.

{{-}}

[[Image:037-CWCsNP34.jpg|thumb]]

=====''The more powerful Pokéball''=====

When you throw a pokeball at a wild pokemon, it acts like a mater ball, the greatest pokeball proven to catch any pokemon! For this to happen, you hit up on the control stick and b button togeter when right you throw the ball.

[Drawings: Two tiny screenshots show a code being entered.]

It takes a while to learn, but it works!

=====The more powerful Great Ball=====

If you have Great Balls, then you can use this cheat to always catch ANY pokemon but Chanseys, Snorlax, Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, or Mew-Two. Once you hit the A Button, wait for the ball to hit the pokemon.Right as the ball hits the pokemon, push and hold UP AND B! The you should be Able to catch all the pokemon you want.

=====Porygon and Exp. Points, Oh, my!=====

I have a tip on how to get a Porygon, and tons of Exp. points for raising your Pok'emon and evolving them. When you find a TM16 (Pay Day), use it on a Pok'emon that is compattible to it (ex. Slowpoke). Don't put your "Paid" Pok'emon on top of your Pok'emon list, instead, put a Pok'emon that you want to raise the Level number of, or evolve it. Then, find a place filled with Pok'emon (ex. Seafoam Island), when encountered a wild Pok'emon, after your weak Pok'emon pops out, don't let it attack, instead switch to your Paid Pok'emon, and use only its Pay Day attack. Keep repeating on other wild Pok'emon, until you have over 100,000 coins (if Paid Pok'emon runs out of PP for this attack, go to a Pok'emon Center, charge it up, and return to the Wild Pok'emon area you were in before). After you have acquired the high amt. of money, go to the Celedon arcade, spend all that money, until you have 9,999/6,500 game coins (9,999 for Red version, and 6,500 for Blue version). Then, go to the trade center next-door to arcade, trade your 9,999/6,500 game coins for a Porygon, and then celebreate; you've finally have your Porygon! This is greater than using the slot machines; it's easier than risking the loss of game coins in the slots, you would raise your Pok'emons' levels (and evolve them), and obtain a Porygon, Risk Free. I'm still working on obtaining the money, but I'll get that Porygon!

{| class="wikitable"
| Nintendo Power
|-
| Classified Information
|-
| P.O. Box 97033
|-
| Redmond, WA 98073-9733
|}

If you have an awesome trick, password, or code 4 our Classified Info. files, drop us a line at the address to ←. 4 more cool codes, and tips, check out WWW.Nintendo.com.

[Signature: The bottom of the page is signed "''Christian C.''".]

{{-}}

==Reproduction of The Official and Originial Supplement==

Approximately three years after Chris seemingly completed his homemade Nintendo Power magazine, he added four sparse bonus pages including a cover page in order to announce the upcoming release of the very real and very cool ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', originally titled ''Sonichu's Adventure''.

The [[2005|next year]], however, Chris's dreams of Sonic Mega Collection 2 would be realized in the form of ''Sonic Gems Collection''.

[[Image:038-CWCsNP35.jpg|thumb|left|Zappin' to the extreme with hastily added letters at the end of the logo! And melting Pikachus!]]

===SONICHU's Adventure===

''Zapping to the Extreme on Gamecube''

{{-}}

[[Image:039-CWCsNP36.jpg|thumb|Rosechu impales Sonichu with hearts, <s>[[Niggo]]</s> Blachu sulks at random rocks, Wild throws plants around, Bubbles surfs without a board, Angelica prays, and Punchy...punches crap. If those aren't damn good concepts for a damn good game, we don't know what is.]]

====Single Player Action====

=====Rosechu=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Rosechu is visible.]
[picture: Rosechu poses in front of Sonichu, with a tiny pink heart visible between them.]''

=====Black Sonichu (Blachu)=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Blachu is visible.]
[picture: Blachu walks away from a nearby rock, having deposited a stick of Dynamite underneath it.]''

=====Wild=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Wild is visible.]
[picture: Wild is seen throwing a vine off the edge of the picture, presumably to swing on it.]''

=====Bubbles=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Bubbles is visible.]
[picture: Bubbles surfs on a wave, looking somewhat unbalanced.]''

=====Angelica=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Angelica is visible.]
[picture: Angelica prays beneath a golden beam of light.]''

=====Punchy=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Punchy is visible.]
[picture: Punchy punches through a brick wall, knocking a hole in it.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:040-CWCsNP37.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and Writing|And of course, Magi-chan Godmods]]. And Perfect Chaos gets demoted from Final Boss to First.]]

=====Magi-Chan=====
''[picture: A Mugshot of Magi-Chan is visible.]''
[picture: Magi-Chan is seen in meditation, whilst hovering in midair.]

=====Level 1: Vs. Perfect Chaos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu and [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] are seen fighting in what appears to be Station Square. Sonichu is seen in an Aura of electricity.]''

=====Level 2: Race to Love=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen running up a vertical halfpipe.]''

=====Level 3: Mallistic Rush=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is shown posing in a "Thumbs up" gesture, presumably having finished the level.]''

=====Boss 1: Naitsirhc's Zapdos=====
''[Picture: Sonichu is seen charging up a Spin Dash as Zapdos tries to peck him.]''

{{-}}

[[Image:041-CWCsNP38.jpg|thumb|The second screenshot here is actually a prediction of the original Sonichu being demoted to extra. But of course with Chris being Chris, it wouldn't be one of his publications [[Chris and his Ego|without him in it somewhere at least twice.]]]]

====2-Player Race====

=====Chris-Chan Sonichu=====

=====Wes-Li Sonichu=====

=====Sarhamah Rosechu=====

=====Extras to Boot!=====

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2011-11-14T14:21:40Z

Bearpatrol:

:''This article is about Chris himself. For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris Tran]] [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris Chrissy [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Kaka Makeup Basics|Kaka]] ''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus'' [[Jackie Chat 6|Chunky Monkey Man]] Great Director Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age 29)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–2011) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–present)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) Male escort ([[2010]], unpaid)
|-
|}
{{quote| I am the high-functioning [[autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Art|artistic inspiration]] lost with paranoia, [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the hand-drawing original creator of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[Cwcville]], Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[autism|high-functioning autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgin]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]]. [[Homos|Contrary to popular belief, he is NOT in fact the love child of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, as seen in the 'Rush Hour' films.]]

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit video game franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him.]]

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]
Much like the Devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

{{-}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do we get the feeling that he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed - by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly," "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you," and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system originally forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and [[Tomgirl Pictures|proudly cross-dresses]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref>
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to [[Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true - the language centres in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal cord.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Aspergers_(CWCipedia_article)</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl — if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school". Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]]. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend...allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''Sonichu'', [[masturbation|masturbating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[Game Place|local game and card shop]]. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]].

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving another sweetheart ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube Chris and he later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]].]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris does not see his newfound feminity as being in contradiction to heterosexuality. His Love Quest is yet to have reached its end and so far he remains a virgin.

In [[September 2011]], Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]] died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his [[mother]] Barbara is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her [[obesity]] is taken into account. In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were arrested on several accounts including trespassing, assault and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1000 in damage. The story behind this is still developing.

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan III: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - The 503 Faces of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler" Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The CWCville Show
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rDyg8bxeyTM}}
| Stardate = 23 December 2009
| Maker = BigBlackPony
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2011-11-14T14:21:00Z

Bearpatrol:

:''This article is about Chris himself. For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris Tran]] [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris Chrissy [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Kaka Makeup Basics|Kaka]] ''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus'' [[Jackie Chat 6|Chunky Monkey Man]] Great Director Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age 29)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–2011) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–present)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) Male escort ([[2010]], unpaid)
|-
|}
{{quote| I am the high-functioning [[autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Art|artistic inspiration]] lost with paranoia, [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the hand-drawing original creator of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[Cwcville]], Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[autism|high-functioning autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgin]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]]. [[Contrary to popular belief, he is NOT in fact the love child of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, as seen in the 'Rush Hour' films.|Homos]]

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit video game franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him.]]

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]
Much like the Devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

{{-}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do we get the feeling that he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed - by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly," "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you," and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system originally forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and [[Tomgirl Pictures|proudly cross-dresses]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref>
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to [[Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true - the language centres in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal cord.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Aspergers_(CWCipedia_article)</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl — if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school". Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]]. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend...allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''Sonichu'', [[masturbation|masturbating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[Game Place|local game and card shop]]. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]].

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving another sweetheart ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube Chris and he later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]].]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris does not see his newfound feminity as being in contradiction to heterosexuality. His Love Quest is yet to have reached its end and so far he remains a virgin.

In [[September 2011]], Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]] died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his [[mother]] Barbara is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her [[obesity]] is taken into account. In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were arrested on several accounts including trespassing, assault and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1000 in damage. The story behind this is still developing.

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan III: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - The 503 Faces of Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler" Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The CWCville Show
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rDyg8bxeyTM}}
| Stardate = 23 December 2009
| Maker = BigBlackPony
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Chris Destroys His Vibrator

2011-11-14T04:39:46Z

Bearpatrol:

"'''Chris Destroys His Vibrator'''" (officially "'''ECV 00050'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] explains why he had to make [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|the two videos]] suggesting that he was [[gay]], in order to satisfy an agreement with [[Clyde Cash]]. He then attempts to honor another agreement with Clyde by destroying his [[vibrator]]. Or rather, he ''tries'' to destroy his vibrator, [[fail]]s, and simply takes it apart in a manner that would allow him to easily reassemble it. Many experts believe that ten seconds after filming this clip, Chris was already hastily putting his dildo back together, his anus hungering for its sweet, sweaty, [[Navy|salty]], [[Anal beads|poo-covered]], rancid delights.

Chris apparently doesn't seem to understand that if he were actually straight, he would've disposed of the dildo the moment he got it instead of storing it in his room.

It is implied in this video that Christian could not issue this retraction until "one man" emailed him to say he recognized the sooper-sekrit clues in the previous videos. Apparently, if no one had solved the mystery Chris would have been forced to live as a homo forever.

==Description==
{{quotebox|I am Striaght ''[sic]'', and it took a Forced Lie in the previous video to make that Perfectly Clear. }}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Destroys His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UiJCri7IhwA}}
| stardate = 06 [[February 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| saga = {{Julie|text}}, {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet#Take_2|Chris Comes Out of the Closet, Take 2]]
| next = [[CWC Update 8 February 2009#Video|CWC Update 8 February 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I was lying out of my ass!|Chris, who is [[lie|definitely not a homo]].}}

=== Transcript ===

[''smacks [[camera]]'']

Hello.

Y'all may—some of you may have seen the, uh, video, which—of which I recently ''up''…lo—''loaded''… sayin’ that I was, uh… of the wrong… [[Homo|orientation]]. But any—but I w—I wanted to let y'all know that… I on—I did that… to save the life… of a trusted [[Julie|gal-pal]]. And she is eternally grateful from—to me for it. So, th—so, yes, as you can tell from my… non-verbal ''clues'', I was lying out of my ass! But I did it to save a l—to save ''her'' life, 'cause… [[Clyde Cash]]… would've harmed her, but I have gotten ''his word'' that, uh, he would not lay a finger on her.

And also, I had to make another… slight promise—uh… another promise, after making that—after ''that'': that I, uh, get rid of some… of my… unnecessary possessions. I wanted to let—I wanted to, uh, let him know, anyway, that I've already started. [''reaches off-camera for something'']

I destroyed… [''drops it, picks it up, puts it back in his hand''] ''this''. [''presents a disassembled [[vibrator]]'']

[''jump cut to Chris (apparently pre-disassembly) trying to snap the vibrator in half with his bare hands'']

[''jump cut to Chris really straining to break the vibrator'']

[''jump cut to Chris simply pulling the vibrator's two halves apart as they're designed to come apart'']

[''jump cut to Chris pulling the motor out of its half'']

[''jump cut to Chris holding the two halves in one hand'']

Dun-dun-''dunnn''! [''holds the pieces out like the [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Card_Crusher Card Crusher] before throwing them down'']

The—''that'' deed is done. I am ''straight''. ''I am straight.''

And it only—and it took me the, uh, one time… where I actually had to say the word… that I hated so much… for the first time in my life, ever. And then, later, it took… one man to, uh, send me an e-mail, lettin' me know that he ''realized'' the non-verbal clues… leading to—like, I was being forced to do that, and I had to lie out my ass.

Y'all can, uh, view the previously uploaded video… in its originality… [''sniffles''] and unaltered spec—in an unaltered—unaltered sense in my current Yah—[[YouTube]] account. But… I think I have proven myself well enough. [[Mass Debating|I was holding onto my ''manhood'']]—my straightness—by having [[Optimus Prime]] in my lap… [''reaches off-camera for poster and holds it up''] and my [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] behind me… that I look at every night to help keep me straight. [''puts poster away'']

I was ''born'' straight, and I will never be changed that way.

Thank you.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan vs. Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_Uga4JA354o}}
| stardate = 8 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RosechusPickle '''RosechusPickle''']
| subject = | type = Remix
| info = A battle of epic proportions.
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler: Test your might!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ydcRfctzkjI }}
| stardate = 12 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/MajorIronwood '''MajorIronwood''']
| subject =
| type = Remix
| info = FINISH HIM!
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Repairs His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5jP3QhwqM8o}}
| stardate = 17 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 '''tehcosmicexplorer08''']
| subject =
| type = Aftermath
| info = The truth can finally be revealed.
}}
==See also==

*[[Sign Destruction Video]]
*[[Sex toys]]
*[[Homos]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries|2009-02-06]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Julie saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-02-06]]

Speech impediment

2011-11-14T03:50:56Z

Bearpatrol: /* Symptoms */

[[Image:Wesson.png]]

[[Chris]] has an unusual manner of speaking, due to the combination of his strong [[Ruckersville, VA|regional dialect]] and what appear to be genuine impairments.

==History==
Chris's speech impediment appears to have worsened over time. He spoke clearly and normally in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|earlier]] videos, while his stuttering and other difficulties have increased significantly since then.

Likely causes include troll-induced [[stress]] and a lack of conversational company not already accustomed to Chris's speaking tendencies.

Chris's problems in verbal communication potentially stem from either the extended period of "muteness" he went through during his childhood (supposedly as a consequence of his treatment by the [[abusive babysitter]]) or his [[autism]], a disorder which often results in speech difficulties. Chris's written communication generally tends to be significantly more coherent and grammatically correct than how he speaks. While writing, he has more time and freedom to determine what he says.

==Non-Symptoms==
Slang such as "Y'all," and "'em," and contracting the "g" of words ending in "-ing" is typical in dialects of the southeastern United States, Chris's native region.

Chris sometimes mispronounces names (such as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]) due to his ignorance of their proper pronunciation rather than impairments in speaking ability.

==Symptoms==
Chris's diction is naturally staggered, interspersed with pauses, deep breaths, "um," "uh," and "hm." The pauses and deep breaths, used in speech therapy, suggest that Chris has had his speech impediment professionally treated at some point. Chris's protracted style of speaking seems to make it easier for him to lose his thought, stray off topic, or forget to include certain segments of his thoughts. However, in the [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] he has made, his speech is surprisingly fluent, with no "ums" or "uhs" This fluency is probably because he is being timed to do it, so there's little time to stop.

Chris also has a strong tendency to stutter. Although not the type of "machine-gun" stutter largely associated with the problem, Chris constantly has to repeat whole phrases, and he stumbles over certain phrases as he finds the correct words to best convey his ideas. This also could be because Chris finds the need to correct himself, and finds repetition to be the optimal way to deal with this. Ofte- usually this resu- this resu- thi- th- this ends up in Chris having to rei- repe- this ends up in Chris having to shuffle through many synonyms just to express a brief statement.

During the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s dad, Chris claimed to pause before speaking in order to "spellcheck" what he is saying. This implies that Chris needs to consciously plan what he is going to say or else he is unable to say it; this suggests that Chris's difficulty with speech stems from poor contact between the speech centers of his brain and his cerebellum, a common characteristic of [[autism]]. Ironically, Chris clearly [[Chris and Writing|doesn't spellcheck his ''written'' work.]]

Like small children, Chris has a tendency to speak too quickly, run words into one another, and slur words. For example, Chris's pronunciation of "[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Ensykapeia Dramakka paysh]]".

Chris sometimes mixes up the pieces of multiple word phrases, resulting in [[wikipedia:spoonerism|statements]] like [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|"harvey-dirdban"]] "rell-wested." <ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>

Chris has difficulty pronouncing the letter "X" (/ks/ or /gz/), as well as related consonantal digraphs (/sk/, /st/), pronouncing it either as an "/s/" sound (elision) or as a "/t͡s/" sound (fronting). In addition, he pronounces the voiced "th" sound (/ð/) as "d", even when it's not deliberate (as in "da" standing in for "the"). This indicates trouble with consonants, known as [[wikipedia:Speech-Language_Pathology_in_School_Settings#Articulation_disorders|articulation disorders]].

However, given the above, it is most likely he has [[wikipedia:cluttering|tachyphemia]]. This explains most of his speech and grammar usage.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Chris and video games

2011-11-07T13:33:47Z

Bearpatrol: /* Chris's game collection */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

[[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Internet]] and have [[sex]] with him. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he'll admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. Reality isn't so simple, which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==

Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly [[Virgin|700 different game titles across 19 different platforms.]] (He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the Gamefly mail-order rental service until August 2010.

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's [[|Virgin with rage|violent hatred]] of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console; however, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for — there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video game related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available — what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around — Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in Brutal Legend was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other [[Random-access humor|quirky, offbeat]] games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[Random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in Brutal Legend was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and Music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to an enjoyer of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely common or extremely shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Sewer Shark'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

He never seems to show interest in high-profile games like ''Super Mario Galaxy 2'' or ''Metroid: Other M'', and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (like ''Metroid Prime'', ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time'' and ''Super Mario World'') are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks. He also owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. Games like ''Call of Duty'' or ''Grand Theft Auto'', examples of "hardcore" games aimed at adults are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile [[Hex Box]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Video_games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the Gamecube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. It is unknown at which point Chris defected to Sony, nor the reasons for doing so. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger's syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network, but he doesn't seem to spend too much of his time actively following more dedicated gaming websites or message boards. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with Megan's quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Grind Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"). He could easily check and see that this is not true, but possibly he hasn't tried putting his LBP copy into his Wii yet because the [[Jerkops|cops]] would stop him.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, holographs of the kind we can only see in science fiction right now.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[Club Nintendo]] - With details on Chris's Wii download collection
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Marvel at the massive waste of taxpayer dollars
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]] - Speaking of taxpayer dollars...
* ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' - The game that ate November 2008, Chris's favorite title of the last few years
* [[PS3]] - Chris's "life upgrade" and current console of choice

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Chris and video games

2011-11-07T13:33:14Z

Bearpatrol: /* Chris's game collection */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

[[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Internet]] and have [[sex]] with him. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he'll admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. Reality isn't so simple, which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==

Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly 700 different game titles across 19 different platforms. (He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the Gamefly mail-order rental service until August 2010.

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's [[|Virgin with rage|violent hatred]] of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console; however, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for — there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video game related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available — what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around — Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in Brutal Legend was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other [[Random-access humor|quirky, offbeat]] games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[Random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in Brutal Legend was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and Music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to an enjoyer of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely common or extremely shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Sewer Shark'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

He never seems to show interest in high-profile games like ''Super Mario Galaxy 2'' or ''Metroid: Other M'', and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (like ''Metroid Prime'', ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time'' and ''Super Mario World'') are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks. He also owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. Games like ''Call of Duty'' or ''Grand Theft Auto'', examples of "hardcore" games aimed at adults are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile [[Hex Box]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Video_games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the Gamecube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. It is unknown at which point Chris defected to Sony, nor the reasons for doing so. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger's syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network, but he doesn't seem to spend too much of his time actively following more dedicated gaming websites or message boards. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with Megan's quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Grind Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"). He could easily check and see that this is not true, but possibly he hasn't tried putting his LBP copy into his Wii yet because the [[Jerkops|cops]] would stop him.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, holographs of the kind we can only see in science fiction right now.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[Club Nintendo]] - With details on Chris's Wii download collection
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Marvel at the massive waste of taxpayer dollars
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]] - Speaking of taxpayer dollars...
* ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' - The game that ate November 2008, Chris's favorite title of the last few years
* [[PS3]] - Chris's "life upgrade" and current console of choice

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Chris and video games

2011-11-07T13:28:56Z

Bearpatrol: /* Chris's game collection */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

[[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Internet]] and have [[sex]] with him. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he'll admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. Reality isn't so simple, which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==

Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to the [[Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly 700 different game titles across 19 different platforms. (He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the Gamefly mail-order rental service until August 2010.

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console; however, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for — there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video game related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available — what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around — Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in Brutal Legend was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other [[Random-access humor|quirky, offbeat]] games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[Random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in Brutal Legend was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and Music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to an enjoyer of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely common or extremely shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Sewer Shark'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

He never seems to show interest in high-profile games like ''Super Mario Galaxy 2'' or ''Metroid: Other M'', and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (like ''Metroid Prime'', ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time'' and ''Super Mario World'') are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks. He also owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. Games like ''Call of Duty'' or ''Grand Theft Auto'', examples of "hardcore" games aimed at adults are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile [[Hex Box]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Video_games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the Gamecube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. It is unknown at which point Chris defected to Sony, nor the reasons for doing so. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger's syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network, but he doesn't seem to spend too much of his time actively following more dedicated gaming websites or message boards. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with Megan's quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Grind Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"). He could easily check and see that this is not true, but possibly he hasn't tried putting his LBP copy into his Wii yet because the [[Jerkops|cops]] would stop him.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, holographs of the kind we can only see in science fiction right now.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[Club Nintendo]] - With details on Chris's Wii download collection
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Marvel at the massive waste of taxpayer dollars
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]] - Speaking of taxpayer dollars...
* ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' - The game that ate November 2008, Chris's favorite title of the last few years
* [[PS3]] - Chris's "life upgrade" and current console of choice

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Jackie E-mails 14

2011-11-07T12:03:32Z

Bearpatrol:

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 9-16 [[September 2010]].

Chris talks about how he's been getting drunk, hitting on other women. Seriously. And, par for course with his [[noviophobia]], he hates what he hates because he gets jealous about what other people earned through effort: earning and effort not being in his capacity. Chris has drawn shitty porn; Jackie apparently being peed on by 4 guys (Chris has breasts, a niggo appears to be punching Jackie in the cunt), Chris's self-serving fantasy, with pickles either already having left, off panel, or badly hidden, and Niggo Cherokee Circle Jerk. Chris re-gifted a LBP present, which was first for Julie, then for Kacey, now Jackie. Jackie begins Chris on his path of ever-more blatant racism, shitty cosplay, and youtube videos, calls him a cripple.

{{EmailReply|September 9, 2010 - 6:08pm

I REALLY want to be with you, Jackie. So MUCH, that I would dedicated 3/4 of my next [[tugboat]] to you if I can't get the new $130 before then. And I REALLY would come all the way to [[Wikipedia:Mary Baldwin College|Mary Baldwin]] to meet/visit you Myself.

So far I was able to only get $19 from pawning off my Game Boy Color and 6 [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]] Game Boy Original/Color Games and selling my Game Boy Pocket for 5 to a new computer geek acquaintance of mine. The pawn shop would not accept my Saturn or Game Gear, because they were "Too Old." But after seeing a huge banner in front of a [[Wikipedia:7-Eleven|7-11]] of a PC Pro Computer store behind the 7-11, I went in and made a new acquaintance with a fellow Game Freak dude; he's going to help me by finding some people to buy the Genesis/32X/Sega CD, Saturn and Game Gear from me for my asking prices through his connections. He has his own page on [[Facebook|FaceBook]]. This is good, because at this point, the [[Troll]]s won't know about this and pester me like they would have done. This information is Confidential.

About the [[XBox]] thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, [[XBox is OK.MOV|I withdraw my past angst against the console]]. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.

I am LESS addicted to my PS3, I assure you. And I will prove it by spending a lot less to none more on the Network in the future and now. And Spending more on You And Me in our Relationship. And you have to give me credit for unloading the Older Consoles and their games I've been hoarding for years for cash, including the current transactions I'm looking for with the remaining 3 Older Consoles.

And you are right on me having no right to complain of other video game addicts, but I said those things to prove a point that people like them (including myself), AND the Trolls can better themselves by socializing Off of the internet and going out more often. I have been going out more on the daily basis, at least during the afternoon hours on average leaving between 2 and 4 PM and an average of over 3 Hours per day. If I knew where to go, I would definitely go out at night and have more fun, but aside from the new [[Wal-Mart]] to walk for a while, I do not have knowledge of such locations or how to act within their likely dim-lit areas. And, yeah, I do not really expect people to "drop what they're doing and converse with me" when I am unable to do it as easily as they are able to, but it is nice to be acknowledged and NOT to feel Invisible In Public. Seriously, even when I'm [[The GAMe PLACe|Shouting]] (while Drunk or near sober), NOBODY gives me attention; [[Attraction sign|I am ignored]]. And when I try to [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|start something with a pleasant greeting]], I am STILL IGNORED. And I am RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE; AREN'T I HANDSOME ENOUGH TO ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION, LADIES? W.T.F. DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET EVEN A "HELLO" FROM ANYBODY THESE DAYS?!!!"

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

It makes me feel like a social outcast, and I do not want to be a social outcast.

Anyway, I am sorry for stopping communications with you for a short while; I needed some time for myself to collect my thoughts and come up with a reasonable solution to the disagreement. I felt like [[Kick the Autistic|kicking myself]] over and over for saying the breaking up things I said in error. I did not mean it. And I am happy to still be talking to you, and I REALLY want to be with you. I am re-raising the money as quickly as possible. And if I can't come up with it by the end of the month, I will dedicate 3/4 of my remaining money from next month to US. :)

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe, Sweet and [[A Week With Christian Chandler|don't work yourself too hard in classes]] and journalism. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|1=September 9, 2010 - 7:46pm

Hey Chris.

Actually, since you brought up the prices of consoles, the original Xbox was $299 at launch, the same as the Playstation 2 at its launch. Didn't you have a PS2 anyway, though? More recently, the PS3 cost $499 for the 20gb model and $599 for the 60gb model at its launch - significantly more than the Xbox 360, which cost $299 for the basic model and $399 for the premium model when they were launched. You can read about it here: http://vgsales.wikia.com/wiki/Launch_price
Plus, Microsoft has LONG since fixed the red ring of death problem, and at the time that the 360 and the PS3 debuted, no one knew that blu rays would win the format war over hd-dvds. So it wasn't really fair to claim they "picked the lost format". I'm glad that you are beyond it though.

As for attracting attention, have you looked at the troll forum lately? I found this article here: http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=23
It doesn't say anything that you weren't aware of before, but it brings up a good point yet again: You have a terrible reputation because of your [[internet]] opposition. You know why people don't come up to you? Because most people who see you believe terrible things about you.

Anyway, here's what I want you to do to prove yourself to me: I want you to make a video. I want you to make a video [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|professing your love to me.]] Give me the works, Chris. Proclaim your true feelings for me. Tell me exactly why you want me and want to be with me. I want you to sweep me off my feet with some romantic [[music]] in the background - play my favorite band for me. You know which one. ;) I know you know what I'm talking about. And make a few new drawings of us together and show them in the video. The theme of the video? Our first date. Tell me where we will go, what we will do. Only one catch - There's no limit on money. It's our fantasy date where we can spend as much as we want, how we want. Do it as you think it will look. Make it really special.

And I don't want this to be a private video, either. I want you to put this on your youtube so everyone can see. I don't care if trolls know my name or try to look me up now, so don't worry about that. You've been very good about keeping me hidden from them, but I don't care about that anymore. Let the trolls try to bug me. I want you to make this video public because it's time for you to proclaim your love for me to all. Everyone should know who the one woman in your life is. I want this video by 8:00pm on Monday, September 13th. I'm looking forward to seeing it, sweetie!!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 1:08pm

Yes, Sweetheart, I will draw some more of you and me together, and I will put together a video proclaiming my love for you and even a fantasy date. :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Heart[[Duck|throbbings]]*

As for the other topics of your last e-mail, I was already aware of my online reputation haunting me in real life with the Rumors spread by the Trolls, so yeah. And I did not have my PS2 from Launch either; I did not even have a PSOne long until I found one at an older SPCA Rummage Sale for about 10 or 20, and it was at a time GameStop was still taking them in for Trade-Ins. I was going to trade it in for profit, but I decided to hold onto it and play it, and my earlier feelings towards [[Sony]] did a major 180 (YES, I was [[Nintendo]]/[[SEGA]] Exclusive and had hate for SONY equal to Microsoft on the Consoles). And later on, I got my PS2 for $20 from a Yard Sale; THEN I traded in my PSOne, and shortly after getting the PS2, I got [[Guitar Hero]] and started Rocking. And I did not get my PS3 at Launch; I got it MONTHS later on March 17, 2007, and I got the 60GB version for less than 599 at Wal-Mart (I think I got for 399; I'll have to look up the receipt).

But now, I have no anger against XBox, and the gay dudes. Samantha was very realistic in that discussion. She pointed out my [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|quoting the Bible as an excuse]] was wrong, and between the hatings I've had, the quotes, and other details that escape at the moment, I realized I've been further shooting myself in the foot without knowing it. It made me feel really sad and I cried some. But I am changing that; I'm going to Stop hating and start being more brimming with a more positive energy. After all, the Bible is essentially a Guideline to life, and [[God]] wants all of us to live in peace and good nature, regardless of whatever we may do, and what we're all doing that is considered against the Bible anyway.

Anyway, I will do the drawings of us together, play the [[Wikipedia:Crash Test Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]] in the background, and make a video professing my love to you and letting it go public. I'm also planning on making [[XBox is OK.MOV|a separate video]] for apologizing for my past hatred on the XBox, and apologizing to the gays as well. I will also remove ALL of the curses I had placed on people, including the Trolls.

We're moving forward together, Jacklyn. I Love You, Sweetheart.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 3:56pm

Yay!! I can't wait to see [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]]! Oh, I have a few more things about what I want to see, so take some notes:

-I really want you to enjoy the Crash Test Dummies as much as I do. Revel in them like I do. You know what would be great? If you sang along to the song (My favorite song is "[[Semen|Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm|Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm]]"), but feel free to take artistic liberties with the lyrics and make up your own to fit us better. I know your vast imagination can really make the song come to life. 
-I want you to include the pictures of us together, new drawn pictures, on the date. Here's an idea for a plot: We start at starbucks, then go to see [[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|''Toy Story 3'']] at the movie theater, maybe get a little frisky in the back row ;) Then, I want you to rescue me from something. Like, something bad happens, like a villain rips through the movie screen and attacks, and you save me from him. 
-I want to see you dance in the video. The real you. Proclaim your love for me, enthusiastically. Get up and grove, jump, do a cartwheel. Do I make you jump? Do I make you twirl? Does my love make you scream? Yours does to me :) So return the favor. Let us be one. 
-Take us to the edge and back. Show me the future, the distance. I want us to face the end of the world and still hold onto one another. Let's face it all together, the trolls, the world, the future, God.

I can't wait to see the video Chris!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 6:34pm

I like your plot idea. Although, if I may offer my input, I offered to take you to see "[[Wikipedia:Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World]]", considering that movie is more romantic in its own way, may I portray us watching that instead of Toy Story?}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 7:03pm

I'm glad you like my plot! Although I don't really care for that Scott Pilgrim movie, it's one of those movies where even though I haven't seen it, I know exactly what the plot is because I've heard WAY too much about it from every person I pass by, because they can't stop talking about the damn thing and I'm tired of it before I even look at it. It looks like token hipster bullshit to me.

Besides, I don't want to see someone else's romance story. I want to see YOUR love story. ;)

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 12, 2010 - 11:13am

Hey Chris, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a little while. You must be working hard on that video. Well, I just wanted to check in.

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 12, 2010 - 2:43pm

I am working hard on the drawings and display photos for the video to present while Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm is playing. Plus, do not guess, but I will have a pleasant surprise for you later tonight in another e-mail.

Also, it is cool; I'll just draw [[Wikipedia:Sheriff Woody|Woody]] and [[Wikipedia:Jessie (Toy Story)|Jessie]] making out or something for the movie screen. Perhaps after some time has passed, you and I can check out Scott Pilgrim at home together, and the current feelings will pass. I still have not seen it myself yet, but it is one I would at least rent the video for after it comes out. Speaking of movies, have you seen "[[Wikipedia:Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief|Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief]]?" It is a Great movie; I watched it with [[The Wallflower|<CENSORED>]] in the theater before we [[Wallflower E-mails 3|broke up]]. If you haven't seen it, it is worth buying or renting.

Stay Safe and Sweet. I'll TTYL, 
Christian. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
OXO 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<
3<3<3<3<3<3<3}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 6:04pm

You and I have just reached the climax in our own intercourse, while these three dudes were [[Masturbating and squirtin'|jerkin' and watchin']]. And at climax, they came in to cum onto your breasts, and you wanted Me all over your face and in your mouth. Messy, little woman. ;)

I get off watching you enjoy yourself with my help, Jacklyn. I Love You.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 13, 2010 - 4:17pm

I'm uploading [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]] of my devotion for you right now. I feel I could have done better, but I was excited and elated for doing this for you. I've attached the 3 drawings I drew for you and the video for you.

I LOVE YOU, JACKLYN!!!!!!! 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

:)

Anyway, the video will be on my YT channel,
http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler?feature=mhum, shortly.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Lover. :-* 
Christian.}}

{{collapsible
|The three drawings, NSFW
|<center>
<gallery>
File:UngaWungaTime.jpg
File:WetFunCircleTime.jpg
File:CirclingOnJackie.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 4:32pm

Let me give you the other photos featured in the video as well.}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 5:51pm

In the set of photos I sent you, I left in absent-mindedly the left-out Photo of how I would feel if you left me, which was set at the End of the slideshow. Please disregard that one photo.}}

{{Email|September 13, 2010 - 6:53pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you so much for making that video for me!! It was so sweet, I saw the bouncy energy you put into it. The way you just shouted at the top of your lungs your feelings for me, I can tell you weren't holding back. I look forward to actually getting to experience all these things for real on our first date.

But it wasn't all perfect. I'm kind of sad, Chris, because you missed some key parts here. I specifically asked you before not to use video games when trying to show your affections for me. Remember? I mean, I don't get why you couldn't show the whole date with drawings. That's why I gave you like four days to do it. And you didn't even take the time to make a new little big planet level just for me either, you just recycled one you already used for that other girl [[Kacey]]. Which even then you had taken from ANOTHER girl, [[Julie]]. I found it here: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|<nowiki>http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Rescuing_Kacey_From_Christian_W_Chandler</nowiki>]]

So, some good, some bad, but all in all I think I'd like you to redo the video for me. Actually, scratch that, you shouldn't redo this one. I think I have a better idea for something new I'd like to see. You know how Halloween is coming up? Well, it's still a few weeks away, but it's my absolute FAVORITE holiday of the year. So you know what I'd love to see? I want you to dress up as a character for me on camera, and then write some of your own lyrics to "Mmm mmm mmm mmm" and sing it for me. Do you know the anime [[Dragonball Z]]? I used to love that show when I was a little kid. I mean, I know it's like a boy's show, but whatever, I thought it was really cool. So you know what I would absolutely LOVE to see? I want to see [[Song for Jackie.MOV|you dressed as my favorite character, Mr. Popo]]!! He was always so cute and cuddly, you remind me so much of him! :) Do you know how to do facepainting? I found a tutorial website that can show you here: http://www.diylife.com/2008/04/02/how-to-face-paint/
Although it's not hard, you'd just be painting your face a single color, no weird designs or anything. Do you have facepainting supplies? I think they sell them at any art store.

So basically, the costume would be a black face with red lips, and a sleeveless vest, and a turban on your head (you could wrap a towel around your head for that). I attached a picture of him, his look is pretty simple. And then you could sing me your song. Ooh, ooh, and then after that, there's one more little song I'd love for you to sing for me, too, it's from my favorite Dragonball movie where Mr. Popo says it. It goes like this:

You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle, 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this. 
You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this.

It's short, just sing that to a happy tune. Ooh, I'm so excited Chris!! If you're Mr. Popo, maybe I can go as Bulma when Halloween really comes. ;) ;) Anyway, I'd love to see this by Thursday at 9:00pm, okay?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 14, 2010 - 1:42pm

I am happy to hear that you get my feelings for you, and that you liked the video, all things considered. And I understand your concerns of the LBP Level recycle; it was and still is my idea of a fun date; I am open for ideas on a better fantasy date, and with those details, I would be most happy to put a new level of it together just for you, and draw more drawings to go with it. With the [[Things Chris has ripped off|limited ideas]] of mine for a fantasy date, I felt lack of drawing inspiration, because they were just too simple and trite to me. Plus I did get the inspiration to draw the best circle jerkin' drawing I was able to picture in my head for you. With that, I do apologize for the short number of drawings in the video.

As for Mr. Popo, consider that done. :D Speaking of face painting, while restoring the photos I had originally on my PS3 from my backup cards, I found the photo of myself with the face paint I did for [[JuggaloShoutOut|the Juggalo video]]; it is attached. I used paint from my collection of acrylic paints for the job. I'll wear a black t-shirt under my vest, and I do have a clean white towel here. I'll get the lyrics for Mmm X4 from a search, and perhaps I can put Popo's song within the lyric rewrite, right after the Mmms.

The Halloween together sounds great. :D Do you have information on a party event we would go to? You would be able to pull off Bulma great. I am going to do Popo for you now, but when Halloween comes, I would feel better dressing up as [[Wikipedia:Vegeta|Vegeta]] to better match your costume. After all, I have watched the series too, and Vegeta and [[Wikipedia:Bulma|Bulma]] were a couple, got married and gave birth to [[Wikipedia:Trunks (Dragon Ball)|Trunks]] (and a daughter as well, but her [[sports bra|name]] escapes me at the moment).

On another note, the console selling is going slow at the moment; my new acquaintance is not getting replies to the post he put up from any interested people. He will call me when he does; he has my number. But I am going to go ahead and put my Sega consoles onto [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], complete with photographs. And if I don't sell them before [[October 2010|October]] comes around, I will still dedicate $150 of the [[tugboat]] for our dates, me coming to meet you, etc. I'll let you know the final details later, and you and I will put together a meet date.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Sweet and Safe, Sweetest Love. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 14, 2010 - 4:45pm

Hey Chris!

Don't have much time to talk now, but I just want to say I'm really excited to see the Mr. Popo video! Actually, I'd love to see the Mr. Popo lyrics separately from the CTD song, just because Mmm x4 has kind of a slower, somber tone and I don't know if the Mr. Popo song could really work into it; it needs a peppier, fast cheery tune.

And I saw your craigslist ads for your old consoles too, I hope those sell quickly. I'm sure there are collectors out there or something who will be interested. Well, anyway, can't wait to see the video. I'll write more later!!

<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 2:53pm

I was successful in rewriting the song to match our relationship well. No rhymes; it's freeverse. I typed in the lyrics at the bottom of this e-mail. I attached the photo of my face looking like Mr. Popo, and I will start upload of the video shortly after I finish this message.

I've put Popo's bit at the end during the "Ahhhhhs". I've also added another fun item I think you'll enjoy. Reference [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_X_episodes#Season_1:_2003-2004|Episode 8]] of "[[Sonic X]]", Original Japanese Dialogue, this purple, furry dude was entertaining [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cream the rabbit|Cream]] and [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cheese the Chao|Cheese]] with a "Good Morning" song. Look up his song and dance on [[YouTube]].
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYskMdSiFn4&feature=related

Also, another topic of interest that has just come up among the fresh e-mail batch. Do you know a [[Wikipedia:Fight Club|Robert Paulson]] <billman198@googlemail.com>? He has surprised me with some trash talk of he being your boyfriend and some shit-talk aimed at me. And he attached a possibly photoshopped [[Nudes|photograph]] of you to the e-mail. I want you to know that I am only surprised, and I am not believing what he is saying. I only ask for your honest feedback to verify this individual. I'm keeping a cool head.

And, on the Good News, I may have a customer who will buy ALL of the Sega Consoles from me; he called me from his 434 Cell Phone (he lives in the 504 area code). Currently, he plans on stopping by my house to purchase tomorrow afternoon, but I will wait until I have the money in my hands before I start making mutual plans with you to meet you and all the good stuff. I cut him a deal for buying all of the stuff at once; $120. With the $14 I made the other day from my [[Nintendo|Game Boy Color]], I feel this will make things equal; making the equal amount of money as before. I may get another offer for the whole bunch, but if I do before this dude comes along, I'll insist on full price or higher offer, and I'll let the first dude know about that as well. He's getting the consoles for his children.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian

Song for you - "Heavenly Matched Love"

Once there was this boy who 
Was born with some [[autism]] and yet made [[gal-pals|a few friends]] 
But after his [[High School]] years 
He lost his friends and was [[troll]]-tortured 
By bullies who were jealous 
of his [[Money|material things]]

Mmms

Once there was [[Jackie|this girl]] who 
Continued to have friends long after her High School 
She could have had her pick of men 
Then she found the wayward, lost boy 
They matched up very well 
Heavenly Matched Love

Mmms

And both girl and boy were glad 
'Cause they both saw each others eyes

They both thought of each other 
They had enjoyed each others company sweetly 
Roller coaster ecstacy 
In [[CWCville|fantasy]] their dates were simple 
They look to be married and 
Have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|girl]]

Mmms

"Ain't no Saiyans on a fiddle, No Saiyans on a fiddle like this." X2 
"Asande hahe swa, wowo-haya-hoo!" X2}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 3:10

I've just took a look on the Troll Forum for a possible link to this Robert; their last post on there was made yesterday on one page. It seemed to be only talk of raping you, and one of getting [[Greene County]] to ban you from entering county lines (yeah right, like they are going to [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban someone]] they don't know without a good reason or evidence).
http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=103

I just wanted to warn you, so you can be careful to try to avoid these people in real life. I have faith and trust in you being true to me and keeping our relationship strong. I will not stand down in our relationship either.

I Love You, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|September 16, 2010 - 4:38pm

Hey Chris!

So, I guess we have a few thing to talk about here.

First of all, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|that video]] wasn't good. In fact... It was AMAZING!!!!! I can't believe you made that so well!!! I was soo happy to see my favorite Mr. Popo, you brought me back to my childhood. Thank you so much sweetie!

Secondly, as far as the trolls go, I'm not terribly worried. I can take care of myself. I'll just keep an eye over my shoulder from now on. But really, I doubt they're going to do anything.

Thirdly, I don't know who that Robert Paulson is. He isn't my ex-boyfriend. I think you should ignore him and not listen to his bullshit. But that picture is me... well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it... but I did have an ex-boyfriend, [[Lars]], to whom I once sent some nude pictures of myself, that's where that picture this guy sent you came from. But even though we had a really bad breakup and this was years ago, he promised me he would delete all his pictures of me. But obviously he lied. There's no other way those pictures of me could have gotten onto the [[internet]]. That bastard... To be honest, this worries me a lot more than some trolls threatening to [[rape]] me. I feel so betrayed. We broke up because we weren't right for each other, but I had no idea he could sink this low. Now I have to worry about him. I don't know what I can do about Lars... He was my first love. I thought I would never love anyone again when I was with him, and after he broke my heart I thought I would never love anyone again. It took me a long time to build myself back up and become able to feel agian after that.

Lars you bastard, wherever you are, you won't get away with this... I don't know how, but I'll find a way to make him suffer for this...

<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[sigh]]*

Well anyway, let me get to something more positive. Since school is ramping up and I won't have any time to come visit for a few weeks. But I've been having a lot of fun with seeing what you can do lately, and I have some good news: I managed to arrange an extended break from school starting on November 1st (the [[Wikipedia:Day of the Dead|Dia de los Muertos]]). Although I'd love to see you so badly right this minute, it's just not not doable right away. So until then, Christian, I present to you....

Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest! :D

Starting October 1st I want you to count down the days with me until we meet by posting a new video of you on youtube everyday. But, it doesn't have to be anything really big. Just a 30 second blurb is perfection as it gives me a chance to see you, fresh faced, every day! I want to be with you so badly Christian and this will be like practice for me. Seeing you, every day, doing fun things! 1 video a day, for a total of 31 days, the last video being on the 31st of October, Halloween. For each video I want you do something different. I want you dress up as a different cute character! Get it? Halloween every day!! Yay!!! Any character you want to be - one of your sonichu characters maybe, or an anime or movie character, and make the costume however you like - who you choose to be and what you do for it will teach me more about you and what you like.

And during each video I want you to share a different piece of information about you with me. But, I want this information to be secrets or details you've never shared with anyone else. It doesn't have to be anything that big or unique, it can just be something little about your life. I want us to have no secrets between us sweetest! And this will be us being open, honest and having fun!!! Don't hide anything Chris, you should be proud of who you are - be true and honest!! In return, when we meet on November 1st… I will give myself to you. I don't wait any more, Chris. I want to give my being AND my body all to you! My Dad will pay for my hotel so we can go there and get dirty between the sheets together! Can you imagine?? How cool is that!!

However, you must must must do a video a day. If you miss a day or skip, the contest ends and you loose :( And then we have to wait to have sexy time because I'll need to think harder about things… but I don't want to think! Thinking is hard! The only hard thing I want in my life is YOU my darling Cripple doo!

Soooo, ready to play??? I know I am! xoxo

Jackie

P.S. Hey, since the contest won't start for about two weeks, in the meantime, how are your other drawings going? Have you picked [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] back up, or are you working on any other comic ideas? Ooh, could you make a little video for me? Make a video of yourself giving a little tour of your bedroom? I know about what one side of your room looks like from your recent videos, but I'd love to see like a 360 tour of your [[room]], all the stuff in it, your closet, your wardrobe, and so forth. Show me the significant things in your room and give me little backstories about where you got them and such. I really want to feel like I'm one with you, Chris. So when I first set foot into your room I'll feel like I've been there forever. :D If you have anything naaaaughty to share with me… then would be the time, too! Tell me about how we'll snuggle up in your bed and cuddle and wiiiiggle. heeheee! xox}}

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 14]]

Jackie E-mails 14

2011-11-07T11:49:56Z

Bearpatrol:

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 9-16 [[September 2010]].

Chris talks about how he's been getting drunk, hitting on other women. Seriously. And, par for course with his [[noviophobia]], he hates what he hates because he gets jealous about what other people earned through effort: earning and effort not being in his capacity. Chris has drawn shitty porn; Jackie apparently being peed on by 4 guys (Chris has breasts, a niggo appears to be punching Jackie in the cunt), Chris's self-serving fantasy, with pickles either already having left, off panel, or badly hidden, and Niggo Cherokee Circle Jerk. Chris re-gifted a LBP present, which was first for Julie, then for Kacey, now Jackie. Jackie begins Chris on his path of ever-more blatant racism, shitty cosplay, and youtube videos, calls him a cripple.

{{EmailReply|September 9, 2010 - 6:08pm

I REALLY want to be with you, Jackie. So MUCH, that I would dedicated 3/4 of my next [[tugboat]] to you if I can't get the new $130 before then. And I REALLY would come all the way to [[Wikipedia:Mary Baldwin College|Mary Baldwin]] to meet/visit you Myself.

So far I was able to only get $19 from pawning off my Game Boy Color and 6 [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]] Game Boy Original/Color Games and selling my Game Boy Pocket for 5 to a new computer geek acquaintance of mine. The pawn shop would not accept my Saturn or Game Gear, because they were "Too Old." But after seeing a huge banner in front of a [[Wikipedia:7-Eleven|7-11]] of a PC Pro Computer store behind the 7-11, I went in and made a new acquaintance with a fellow Game Freak dude; he's going to help me by finding some people to buy the Genesis/32X/Sega CD, Saturn and Game Gear from me for my asking prices through his connections. He has his own page on [[Facebook|FaceBook]]. This is good, because at this point, the [[Troll]]s won't know about this and pester me like they would have done. This information is Confidential.

About the [[XBox]] thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, [[XBox is OK.MOV|I withdraw my past angst against the console]]. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.

I am LESS addicted to my PS3, I assure you. And I will prove it by spending a lot less to none more on the Network in the future and now. And Spending more on You And Me in our Relationship. And you have to give me credit for unloading the Older Consoles and their games I've been hoarding for years for cash, including the current transactions I'm looking for with the remaining 3 Older Consoles.

And you are right on me having no right to complain of other video game addicts, but I said those things to prove a point that people like them (including myself), AND the Trolls can better themselves by socializing Off of the internet and going out more often. I have been going out more on the daily basis, at least during the afternoon hours on average leaving between 2 and 4 PM and an average of over 3 Hours per day. If I knew where to go, I would definitely go out at night and have more fun, but aside from the new [[Wal-Mart]] to walk for a while, I do not have knowledge of such locations or how to act within their likely dim-lit areas. And, yeah, I do not really expect people to "drop what they're doing and converse with me" when I am unable to do it as easily as they are able to, but it is nice to be acknowledged and NOT to feel Invisible In Public. Seriously, even when I'm [[The GAMe PLACe|Shouting]] (while Drunk or near sober), NOBODY gives me attention; [[Attraction sign|I am ignored]]. And when I try to [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|start something with a pleasant greeting]], I am STILL IGNORED. And I am RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE; AREN'T I HANDSOME ENOUGH TO ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION, LADIES? W.T.F. DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET EVEN A "HELLO" FROM ANYBODY THESE DAYS?!!!"

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

It makes me feel like a social outcast, and I do not want to be a social outcast.

Anyway, I am sorry for stopping communications with you for a short while; I needed some time for myself to collect my thoughts and come up with a reasonable solution to the disagreement. I felt like [[Kick the Autistic|kicking myself]] over and over for saying the breaking up things I said in error. I did not mean it. And I am happy to still be talking to you, and I REALLY want to be with you. I am re-raising the money as quickly as possible. And if I can't come up with it by the end of the month, I will dedicate 3/4 of my remaining money from next month to US. :)

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe, Sweet and [[A Week With Christian Chandler|don't work yourself too hard in classes]] and journalism. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|1=September 9, 2010 - 7:46pm

Hey Chris.

Actually, since you brought up the prices of consoles, the original Xbox was $299 at launch, the same as the Playstation 2 at its launch. Didn't you have a PS2 anyway, though? More recently, the PS3 cost $499 for the 20gb model and $599 for the 60gb model at its launch - significantly more than the Xbox 360, which cost $299 for the basic model and $399 for the premium model when they were launched. You can read about it here: http://vgsales.wikia.com/wiki/Launch_price
Plus, Microsoft has LONG since fixed the red ring of death problem, and at the time that the 360 and the PS3 debuted, no one knew that blu rays would win the format war over hd-dvds. So it wasn't really fair to claim they "picked the lost format". I'm glad that you are beyond it though.

As for attracting attention, have you looked at the troll forum lately? I found this article here: http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=23
It doesn't say anything that you weren't aware of before, but it brings up a good point yet again: You have a terrible reputation because of your [[internet]] opposition. You know why people don't come up to you? Because most people who see you believe terrible things about you.

Anyway, here's what I want you to do to prove yourself to me: I want you to make a video. I want you to make a video [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|professing your love to me.]] Give me the works, Chris. Proclaim your true feelings for me. Tell me exactly why you want me and want to be with me. I want you to sweep me off my feet with some romantic [[music]] in the background - play my favorite band for me. You know which one. ;) I know you know what I'm talking about. And make a few new drawings of us together and show them in the video. The theme of the video? Our first date. Tell me where we will go, what we will do. Only one catch - There's no limit on money. It's our fantasy date where we can spend as much as we want, how we want. Do it as you think it will look. Make it really special.

And I don't want this to be a private video, either. I want you to put this on your youtube so everyone can see. I don't care if trolls know my name or try to look me up now, so don't worry about that. You've been very good about keeping me hidden from them, but I don't care about that anymore. Let the trolls try to bug me. I want you to make this video public because it's time for you to proclaim your love for me to all. Everyone should know who the one woman in your life is. I want this video by 8:00pm on Monday, September 13th. I'm looking forward to seeing it, sweetie!!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 1:08pm

Yes, Sweetheart, I will draw some more of you and me together, and I will put together a video proclaiming my love for you and even a fantasy date. :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Heart[[Duck|throbbings]]*

As for the other topics of your last e-mail, I was already aware of my online reputation haunting me in real life with the Rumors spread by the Trolls, so yeah. And I did not have my PS2 from Launch either; I did not even have a PSOne long until I found one at an older SPCA Rummage Sale for about 10 or 20, and it was at a time GameStop was still taking them in for Trade-Ins. I was going to trade it in for profit, but I decided to hold onto it and play it, and my earlier feelings towards [[Sony]] did a major 180 (YES, I was [[Nintendo]]/[[SEGA]] Exclusive and had hate for SONY equal to Microsoft on the Consoles). And later on, I got my PS2 for $20 from a Yard Sale; THEN I traded in my PSOne, and shortly after getting the PS2, I got [[Guitar Hero]] and started Rocking. And I did not get my PS3 at Launch; I got it MONTHS later on March 17, 2007, and I got the 60GB version for less than 599 at Wal-Mart (I think I got for 399; I'll have to look up the receipt).

But now, I have no anger against XBox, and the gay dudes. Samantha was very realistic in that discussion. She pointed out my [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|quoting the Bible as an excuse]] was wrong, and between the hatings I've had, the quotes, and other details that escape at the moment, I realized I've been further shooting myself in the foot without knowing it. It made me feel really sad and I cried some. But I am changing that; I'm going to Stop hating and start being more brimming with a more positive energy. After all, the Bible is essentially a Guideline to life, and [[God]] wants all of us to live in peace and good nature, regardless of whatever we may do, and what we're all doing that is considered against the Bible anyway.

Anyway, I will do the drawings of us together, play the [[Wikipedia:Crash Test Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]] in the background, and make a video professing my love to you and letting it go public. I'm also planning on making [[XBox is OK.MOV|a separate video]] for apologizing for my past hatred on the XBox, and apologizing to the gays as well. I will also remove ALL of the curses I had placed on people, including the Trolls.

We're moving forward together, Jacklyn. I Love You, Sweetheart.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 3:56pm

Yay!! I can't wait to see [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]]! Oh, I have a few more things about what I want to see, so take some notes:

-I really want you to enjoy the Crash Test Dummies as much as I do. Revel in them like I do. You know what would be great? If you sang along to the song (My favorite song is "[[Wikipedia:Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm|Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm]]"), but feel free to take artistic liberties with the lyrics and make up your own to fit us better. I know your vast imagination can really make the song come to life. 
-I want you to include the pictures of us together, new drawn pictures, on the date. Here's an idea for a plot: We start at starbucks, then go to see [[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|''Toy Story 3'']] at the movie theater, maybe get a little frisky in the back row ;) Then, I want you to rescue me from something. Like, something bad happens, like a villain rips through the movie screen and attacks, and you save me from him. 
-I want to see you dance in the video. The real you. Proclaim your love for me, enthusiastically. Get up and grove, jump, do a cartwheel. Do I make you jump? Do I make you twirl? Does my love make you scream? Yours does to me :) So return the favor. Let us be one. 
-Take us to the edge and back. Show me the future, the distance. I want us to face the end of the world and still hold onto one another. Let's face it all together, the trolls, the world, the future, God.

I can't wait to see the video Chris!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 6:34pm

I like your plot idea. Although, if I may offer my input, I offered to take you to see "[[Wikipedia:Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World]]", considering that movie is more romantic in its own way, may I portray us watching that instead of Toy Story?}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 7:03pm

I'm glad you like my plot! Although I don't really care for that Scott Pilgrim movie, it's one of those movies where even though I haven't seen it, I know exactly what the plot is because I've heard WAY too much about it from every person I pass by, because they can't stop talking about the damn thing and I'm tired of it before I even look at it. It looks like token hipster bullshit to me.

Besides, I don't want to see someone else's romance story. I want to see YOUR love story. ;)

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 12, 2010 - 11:13am

Hey Chris, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a little while. You must be working hard on that video. Well, I just wanted to check in.

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 12, 2010 - 2:43pm

I am working hard on the drawings and display photos for the video to present while Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm is playing. Plus, do not guess, but I will have a pleasant surprise for you later tonight in another e-mail.

Also, it is cool; I'll just draw [[Wikipedia:Sheriff Woody|Woody]] and [[Wikipedia:Jessie (Toy Story)|Jessie]] making out or something for the movie screen. Perhaps after some time has passed, you and I can check out Scott Pilgrim at home together, and the current feelings will pass. I still have not seen it myself yet, but it is one I would at least rent the video for after it comes out. Speaking of movies, have you seen "[[Wikipedia:Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief|Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief]]?" It is a Great movie; I watched it with [[The Wallflower|<CENSORED>]] in the theater before we [[Wallflower E-mails 3|broke up]]. If you haven't seen it, it is worth buying or renting.

Stay Safe and Sweet. I'll TTYL, 
Christian. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
OXO 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<
3<3<3<3<3<3<3}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 6:04pm

You and I have just reached the climax in our own intercourse, while these three dudes were [[Masturbating and squirtin'|jerkin' and watchin']]. And at climax, they came in to cum onto your breasts, and you wanted Me all over your face and in your mouth. Messy, little woman. ;)

I get off watching you enjoy yourself with my help, Jacklyn. I Love You.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 13, 2010 - 4:17pm

I'm uploading [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]] of my devotion for you right now. I feel I could have done better, but I was excited and elated for doing this for you. I've attached the 3 drawings I drew for you and the video for you.

I LOVE YOU, JACKLYN!!!!!!! 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

:)

Anyway, the video will be on my YT channel,
http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler?feature=mhum, shortly.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Lover. :-* 
Christian.}}

{{collapsible
|The three drawings, NSFW
|<center>
<gallery>
File:UngaWungaTime.jpg
File:WetFunCircleTime.jpg
File:CirclingOnJackie.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 4:32pm

Let me give you the other photos featured in the video as well.}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 5:51pm

In the set of photos I sent you, I left in absent-mindedly the left-out Photo of how I would feel if you left me, which was set at the End of the slideshow. Please disregard that one photo.}}

{{Email|September 13, 2010 - 6:53pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you so much for making that video for me!! It was so sweet, I saw the bouncy energy you put into it. The way you just shouted at the top of your lungs your feelings for me, I can tell you weren't holding back. I look forward to actually getting to experience all these things for real on our first date.

But it wasn't all perfect. I'm kind of sad, Chris, because you missed some key parts here. I specifically asked you before not to use video games when trying to show your affections for me. Remember? I mean, I don't get why you couldn't show the whole date with drawings. That's why I gave you like four days to do it. And you didn't even take the time to make a new little big planet level just for me either, you just recycled one you already used for that other girl [[Kacey]]. Which even then you had taken from ANOTHER girl, [[Julie]]. I found it here: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|<nowiki>http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Rescuing_Kacey_From_Christian_W_Chandler</nowiki>]]

So, some good, some bad, but all in all I think I'd like you to redo the video for me. Actually, scratch that, you shouldn't redo this one. I think I have a better idea for something new I'd like to see. You know how Halloween is coming up? Well, it's still a few weeks away, but it's my absolute FAVORITE holiday of the year. So you know what I'd love to see? I want you to dress up as a character for me on camera, and then write some of your own lyrics to "Mmm mmm mmm mmm" and sing it for me. Do you know the anime [[Dragonball Z]]? I used to love that show when I was a little kid. I mean, I know it's like a boy's show, but whatever, I thought it was really cool. So you know what I would absolutely LOVE to see? I want to see [[Song for Jackie.MOV|you dressed as my favorite character, Mr. Popo]]!! He was always so cute and cuddly, you remind me so much of him! :) Do you know how to do facepainting? I found a tutorial website that can show you here: http://www.diylife.com/2008/04/02/how-to-face-paint/
Although it's not hard, you'd just be painting your face a single color, no weird designs or anything. Do you have facepainting supplies? I think they sell them at any art store.

So basically, the costume would be a black face with red lips, and a sleeveless vest, and a turban on your head (you could wrap a towel around your head for that). I attached a picture of him, his look is pretty simple. And then you could sing me your song. Ooh, ooh, and then after that, there's one more little song I'd love for you to sing for me, too, it's from my favorite Dragonball movie where Mr. Popo says it. It goes like this:

You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle, 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this. 
You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this.

It's short, just sing that to a happy tune. Ooh, I'm so excited Chris!! If you're Mr. Popo, maybe I can go as Bulma when Halloween really comes. ;) ;) Anyway, I'd love to see this by Thursday at 9:00pm, okay?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 14, 2010 - 1:42pm

I am happy to hear that you get my feelings for you, and that you liked the video, all things considered. And I understand your concerns of the LBP Level recycle; it was and still is my idea of a fun date; I am open for ideas on a better fantasy date, and with those details, I would be most happy to put a new level of it together just for you, and draw more drawings to go with it. With the [[Things Chris has ripped off|limited ideas]] of mine for a fantasy date, I felt lack of drawing inspiration, because they were just too simple and trite to me. Plus I did get the inspiration to draw the best circle jerkin' drawing I was able to picture in my head for you. With that, I do apologize for the short number of drawings in the video.

As for Mr. Popo, consider that done. :D Speaking of face painting, while restoring the photos I had originally on my PS3 from my backup cards, I found the photo of myself with the face paint I did for [[JuggaloShoutOut|the Juggalo video]]; it is attached. I used paint from my collection of acrylic paints for the job. I'll wear a black t-shirt under my vest, and I do have a clean white towel here. I'll get the lyrics for Mmm X4 from a search, and perhaps I can put Popo's song within the lyric rewrite, right after the Mmms.

The Halloween together sounds great. :D Do you have information on a party event we would go to? You would be able to pull off Bulma great. I am going to do Popo for you now, but when Halloween comes, I would feel better dressing up as [[Wikipedia:Vegeta|Vegeta]] to better match your costume. After all, I have watched the series too, and Vegeta and [[Wikipedia:Bulma|Bulma]] were a couple, got married and gave birth to [[Wikipedia:Trunks (Dragon Ball)|Trunks]] (and a daughter as well, but her [[sports bra|name]] escapes me at the moment).

On another note, the console selling is going slow at the moment; my new acquaintance is not getting replies to the post he put up from any interested people. He will call me when he does; he has my number. But I am going to go ahead and put my Sega consoles onto [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], complete with photographs. And if I don't sell them before [[October 2010|October]] comes around, I will still dedicate $150 of the [[tugboat]] for our dates, me coming to meet you, etc. I'll let you know the final details later, and you and I will put together a meet date.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Sweet and Safe, Sweetest Love. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 14, 2010 - 4:45pm

Hey Chris!

Don't have much time to talk now, but I just want to say I'm really excited to see the Mr. Popo video! Actually, I'd love to see the Mr. Popo lyrics separately from the CTD song, just because Mmm x4 has kind of a slower, somber tone and I don't know if the Mr. Popo song could really work into it; it needs a peppier, fast cheery tune.

And I saw your craigslist ads for your old consoles too, I hope those sell quickly. I'm sure there are collectors out there or something who will be interested. Well, anyway, can't wait to see the video. I'll write more later!!

<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 2:53pm

I was successful in rewriting the song to match our relationship well. No rhymes; it's freeverse. I typed in the lyrics at the bottom of this e-mail. I attached the photo of my face looking like Mr. Popo, and I will start upload of the video shortly after I finish this message.

I've put Popo's bit at the end during the "Ahhhhhs". I've also added another fun item I think you'll enjoy. Reference [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_X_episodes#Season_1:_2003-2004|Episode 8]] of "[[Sonic X]]", Original Japanese Dialogue, this purple, furry dude was entertaining [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cream the rabbit|Cream]] and [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cheese the Chao|Cheese]] with a "Good Morning" song. Look up his song and dance on [[YouTube]].
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYskMdSiFn4&feature=related

Also, another topic of interest that has just come up among the fresh e-mail batch. Do you know a [[Wikipedia:Fight Club|Robert Paulson]] <billman198@googlemail.com>? He has surprised me with some trash talk of he being your boyfriend and some shit-talk aimed at me. And he attached a possibly photoshopped [[Nudes|photograph]] of you to the e-mail. I want you to know that I am only surprised, and I am not believing what he is saying. I only ask for your honest feedback to verify this individual. I'm keeping a cool head.

And, on the Good News, I may have a customer who will buy ALL of the Sega Consoles from me; he called me from his 434 Cell Phone (he lives in the 504 area code). Currently, he plans on stopping by my house to purchase tomorrow afternoon, but I will wait until I have the money in my hands before I start making mutual plans with you to meet you and all the good stuff. I cut him a deal for buying all of the stuff at once; $120. With the $14 I made the other day from my [[Nintendo|Game Boy Color]], I feel this will make things equal; making the equal amount of money as before. I may get another offer for the whole bunch, but if I do before this dude comes along, I'll insist on full price or higher offer, and I'll let the first dude know about that as well. He's getting the consoles for his children.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian

Song for you - "Heavenly Matched Love"

Once there was this boy who 
Was born with some [[autism]] and yet made [[gal-pals|a few friends]] 
But after his [[High School]] years 
He lost his friends and was [[troll]]-tortured 
By bullies who were jealous 
of his [[Money|material things]]

Mmms

Once there was [[Jackie|this girl]] who 
Continued to have friends long after her High School 
She could have had her pick of men 
Then she found the wayward, lost boy 
They matched up very well 
Heavenly Matched Love

Mmms

And both girl and boy were glad 
'Cause they both saw each others eyes

They both thought of each other 
They had enjoyed each others company sweetly 
Roller coaster ecstacy 
In [[CWCville|fantasy]] their dates were simple 
They look to be married and 
Have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|girl]]

Mmms

"Ain't no Saiyans on a fiddle, No Saiyans on a fiddle like this." X2 
"Asande hahe swa, wowo-haya-hoo!" X2}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 3:10

I've just took a look on the Troll Forum for a possible link to this Robert; their last post on there was made yesterday on one page. It seemed to be only talk of raping you, and one of getting [[Greene County]] to ban you from entering county lines (yeah right, like they are going to [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban someone]] they don't know without a good reason or evidence).
http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=103

I just wanted to warn you, so you can be careful to try to avoid these people in real life. I have faith and trust in you being true to me and keeping our relationship strong. I will not stand down in our relationship either.

I Love You, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|September 16, 2010 - 4:38pm

Hey Chris!

So, I guess we have a few thing to talk about here.

First of all, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|that video]] wasn't good. In fact... It was AMAZING!!!!! I can't believe you made that so well!!! I was soo happy to see my favorite Mr. Popo, you brought me back to my childhood. Thank you so much sweetie!

Secondly, as far as the trolls go, I'm not terribly worried. I can take care of myself. I'll just keep an eye over my shoulder from now on. But really, I doubt they're going to do anything.

Thirdly, I don't know who that Robert Paulson is. He isn't my ex-boyfriend. I think you should ignore him and not listen to his bullshit. But that picture is me... well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it... but I did have an ex-boyfriend, [[Lars]], to whom I once sent some nude pictures of myself, that's where that picture this guy sent you came from. But even though we had a really bad breakup and this was years ago, he promised me he would delete all his pictures of me. But obviously he lied. There's no other way those pictures of me could have gotten onto the [[internet]]. That bastard... To be honest, this worries me a lot more than some trolls threatening to [[rape]] me. I feel so betrayed. We broke up because we weren't right for each other, but I had no idea he could sink this low. Now I have to worry about him. I don't know what I can do about Lars... He was my first love. I thought I would never love anyone again when I was with him, and after he broke my heart I thought I would never love anyone again. It took me a long time to build myself back up and become able to feel agian after that.

Lars you bastard, wherever you are, you won't get away with this... I don't know how, but I'll find a way to make him suffer for this...

<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[sigh]]*

Well anyway, let me get to something more positive. Since school is ramping up and I won't have any time to come visit for a few weeks. But I've been having a lot of fun with seeing what you can do lately, and I have some good news: I managed to arrange an extended break from school starting on November 1st (the [[Wikipedia:Day of the Dead|Dia de los Muertos]]). Although I'd love to see you so badly right this minute, it's just not not doable right away. So until then, Christian, I present to you....

Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest! :D

Starting October 1st I want you to count down the days with me until we meet by posting a new video of you on youtube everyday. But, it doesn't have to be anything really big. Just a 30 second blurb is perfection as it gives me a chance to see you, fresh faced, every day! I want to be with you so badly Christian and this will be like practice for me. Seeing you, every day, doing fun things! 1 video a day, for a total of 31 days, the last video being on the 31st of October, Halloween. For each video I want you do something different. I want you dress up as a different cute character! Get it? Halloween every day!! Yay!!! Any character you want to be - one of your sonichu characters maybe, or an anime or movie character, and make the costume however you like - who you choose to be and what you do for it will teach me more about you and what you like.

And during each video I want you to share a different piece of information about you with me. But, I want this information to be secrets or details you've never shared with anyone else. It doesn't have to be anything that big or unique, it can just be something little about your life. I want us to have no secrets between us sweetest! And this will be us being open, honest and having fun!!! Don't hide anything Chris, you should be proud of who you are - be true and honest!! In return, when we meet on November 1st… I will give myself to you. I don't wait any more, Chris. I want to give my being AND my body all to you! My Dad will pay for my hotel so we can go there and get dirty between the sheets together! Can you imagine?? How cool is that!!

However, you must must must do a video a day. If you miss a day or skip, the contest ends and you loose :( And then we have to wait to have sexy time because I'll need to think harder about things… but I don't want to think! Thinking is hard! The only hard thing I want in my life is YOU my darling Cripple doo!

Soooo, ready to play??? I know I am! xoxo

Jackie

P.S. Hey, since the contest won't start for about two weeks, in the meantime, how are your other drawings going? Have you picked [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] back up, or are you working on any other comic ideas? Ooh, could you make a little video for me? Make a video of yourself giving a little tour of your bedroom? I know about what one side of your room looks like from your recent videos, but I'd love to see like a 360 tour of your [[room]], all the stuff in it, your closet, your wardrobe, and so forth. Show me the significant things in your room and give me little backstories about where you got them and such. I really want to feel like I'm one with you, Chris. So when I first set foot into your room I'll feel like I've been there forever. :D If you have anything naaaaughty to share with me… then would be the time, too! Tell me about how we'll snuggle up in your bed and cuddle and wiiiiggle. heeheee! xox}}

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 14]]