CWCki - User contributions [en]

HEXBox

2026-02-16T20:18:22Z

Broseph:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]

[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[File:481px-360tankx6.jpg|thumb|250px||A picture Chris uploaded to the [[CWCki]] [[Random-access humor|for some reason]]. It turned out to be an odd case of foreshadowing to his later obsession with ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]''.]]

'''HEXBox''' (also spelled ''HeXBox'', ''HEX-Box'', or ''Hex-Bawx'') is a [[CWC-ism]] for {{w|Microsoft|Microsoft}}'s {{w|Xbox}} series of game consoles, probably in reference to "{{w|hex}}" being a word for "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]]." There are currently four generations of Xbox game consoles, three of which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris has owned games for]] at one point.

Chris infamously had an intense hatred for the consoles for a long time. While he has given some explanations for his disdain for the Xbox (like its supposedly higher price point and having to pay to use its online features), the main reason for it was really just his [[Chris and brand royalty#PlayStation 3 vs. HEXBox|console-war brand royalty]] towards [[Nintendo]] and [[PlayStation|Sony]]. Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title on everywhere but the HEXBox. With his later acquisition of an Xbox One, however, it remains to be seen whether he has relaxed his position on ''Adult Chronicles'' being released on the system.

By 2019 Chris completely stopped playing his Xbox and [[PlayStation 4]] consoles. He did, however, return to playing Xbox (or at least logged into his Xbox account) on 1 September 2023, after his release from jail.

{{clear}}
==Early days==
[[File:ACDoc Xbox PS Stink.jpg|thumb|300px|Transcription as it appears in the second [[Geno Samuel]] video.]]Some early signs of hate can be seen in the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], in which he makes the following remark:

{{quote|Xbox and PlayStation 2, my opinion is the same as yours; they both stink.|Chris, presuming his [[Fans|audience]] shares his perverted sense of [[brand loyalty]]}}

He then makes another remark, stating the fact that he didn't own either console. Notably, Chris's vitriol also extended to [[PlayStation]], since he was still purely a [[Nintendo]] fanboy at the time.

Chris tried to sell the Xbox games ''{{w|Call of Duty 2: Big Red One}}'', ''{{w|The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay}}'', ''{{w|Driver 3|Driv3r}}'' and ''{{w|Celebrity Deathmatch (video game)|Celebrity Deathmatch}}'' on [[eBay]],<ref>[[2008-2013 Sales Listings]]</ref> which makes it possible that Chris once owned an original Xbox, though he has been known to [[Chris and money#Wheeling and Dealing|buy games at thrift stores and sell them for a profit]].

==The hatred==
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MS Paint graphics.]]

In the [[IRC (02 January 2009)|2 January 2009 IRC chat]], Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
 12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
 12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because [[Wikipedia:Xbox Live|the Live]] is costly.
 12:18 <vivitheg> It's only [[Chris and money|50 dollars]] a year
 12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and [[Wii]], which are FREE.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
</div>

While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only sweetheart]], Chris tried to tell us how he ''really'' feels about the HEXBox:

: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''

He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the [[Wii]] and [[PS3]], PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HEXBox|being completely irrational]].|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref>}}

Actually, {{w|Xbox Live}} has two kinds of accounts. "Free" accounts (formerly "Silver") can access a large part of of Xbox Live features, such as friend lists, messaging, achievements and the content marketplace. "Gold" accounts, currently priced around $60/year, can play multiplayer games, use certain premium features such as Netflix (before June 4, 2014, after which it was available for free accounts) and get weekly discounts in addition to ''early'' access to certain downloadable games and demos (free accounts eventually get access to this content as well).

Considering $60 is around the price of a single game, while factoring in Chris' [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]] and his habit of purchasing video games and paraphernalia on a whim while accruing thousands of dollars in debt, the price would hardly be a problem for him. It is safe to say Chris' opposition to Xbox Live stems purely from his console-war mindset.

While {{w|PlayStation Network}} still lets PS3 users play multiplayer games for free, a premium version called PlayStation Plus was introduced in June 2010.<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> In order to prove how strongly he despises HEXbox Live Gold, Chris was spotted in April 2011 [[PS3#PlayStation Plus|using the Plus services]]. However, the PlayStation 4, the console Chris shelled out money for, requires mandatory PlayStation Plus to play online, which is at least $60 for 12 months. Despite being the same price as Xbox Live, Xbox Live hasn't had as many online shutdowns as PlayStation Plus and has better security.

==In the comics==
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all the conclusions from this that you logically can.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]]

The HEXBox 360 is featured during the "elevator gag" portion of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console as they travel past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building. The 71st floor displays a PlayStation Trophy award for "killing that HEX-BOX."

Christian took care to draw a "[[Wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Damn Red Ring]]"<ref>[[IRC (23 July 2009)]]</ref> around the HEXBox's power button.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and a pirated copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as [[Collosal Chan]], enters it, deletes everything about the [[Asperpedia]], then destroys the Xbox.

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], a "Fully Found Myself" Xbox trophy is depicted for [[Reldnahc]] whereas comic Chris's achievement is depicted with a PS4 trophy<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P42.jpg]]</ref>.

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is smaller than a Wii, and with the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that an Xbox 360 has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of [[Alec]]'s console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door. However, the new model 360s don't have memory card slots, but do have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.

Microsoft itself is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.

==Change of heart?==
In [[XBox is OK.MOV|a video]] uploaded in [[September 2010]], Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to [[Jackie]]:

{{quote|About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.|Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>}}

==Nope, he still hates it==
On the weekend of 7 [[September 2013]], Chris was [[banned]] from the [[Ruckersville]] [[Mal-Wart|Walmart]] after he vandalized an Xbox One kiosk with a felt-tip marker to read "HEXbox One". Not only does this contradict his so-called "change of heart" for the console, but also adds to his ever growing [[List of Chris's lies|list of lies]], as well. He tried writing the manager an apology letter to get his ban lifted, [[Chris and negotiation|to no avail.]]

On his [[Facebook]] page, Chris posted that the last name of the manager was Utz. He also went as far as to '''actually post this on Human Rights Campaign's page''' and claimed he has been discriminated against for being [[Autism|"autistic"]] and a [[Homos|"lesbian"]]--even though it's pretty clear that [[Chris and reality|the moral of this story is to not vandalize shit]]. He asked the community to demand Walmart to unban him, even posting its address and phone number under the pretense people would actually follow through with his orders, and liked his own post. He did at least admit that what he did was wrong, so maybe there's some silver lining.

Chris posted this on 4 [[September 2014]] at around 7:30 PM.

<center><gallery>
Image:Chris Chan on Ms. Utz.JPG|We knew it!
</gallery></center>

On 25 [[June 2015]], Facebook group Legit Lady Gamers posted a picture of a pink Xbox One. Predictably, Chris replied that he liked pink PS4s better.

==He likes it for real now==
{{see also|List of Chris's video games#Microsoft}}
[[File:X-box avatar.png |thumb|150px|Chris's Xbox avatar.]]

At some point between [[2015]] and [[2017]], Chris seemingly had a true and honest change of heart about the Xbox, and purchased an Xbox One X console. In [[November 2017]], Chris revealed his gamertag, CWCSonichu1982.<ref>[[November 2017 Facebook posts#Gamindustri's enemies attack CWCville]]</ref> He has a Gold membership, along with several Sonic games.<ref name=tag>https://www.xboxgamertag.com/search/CWCSonichu1982/</ref> His gaming list included ''Rare Replay'', indicating he purchased an Xbox One instead of a 360, since ''Rare Replay'' is a One exclusive. An Xbox One runs approximately $350-400 and the Xbox Live Gold is from $9.99-59.99.

His Gamerscore is '''5,210''', with '''44''' games played, and '''1''' game completed.

By [[2019]], Chris had ceased regularly playing the Xbox - his Gamertag account shows that the last game played was in 2019.<ref name=tag></ref> In [[August 2020]], a fan asked about his gaming activity, to which Chris answered that the "amount of stuff" in the room was a problem for setting up his consoles and that he was more focused on the [[Dimensional Merge]] instead.<ref>[[Discord Q&A 2#Gaming]]</ref>

On 1 [[September 2023]], following the [[Jail Saga]], Chris was spotted online on the XBox.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/167id3t/chris_just_signed_back_into_hexbox_for_the_first/ ([https://archive.ph/J5a4Y archive])</ref>

On 30 [[June 2024]], Chris reveals in a [[Minecraft]] live stream to have written "No Hex on XBox" on a sign in his Realm.<ref>[[Christ Chan Live Stream: OG Cwcville (Cwcville)-60 Minecraft]]</ref>

On 18 [[September 2025]], Chris put up his Xbox One X console [[Cwclight#JCWCSP's Microsoft Xbox One X 1TB Model 1787 Home Console Bundle - Black, Used|for sale]] on [[Cwclight]] and [[eBay]], where it was purchased for $510.

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical HEXBox game]
*[https://www.xboxgamertag.com/search/CWCSonichu1982/ Chris's Xbox gamertag profile]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{PS3Saga}}
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Things Chris once hated but now likes]]

Futurama

2026-01-12T01:12:27Z

Broseph:

[[File:WorstBrokenHeartEver.jpg|thumb|"[[December 2013 Facebook Posts|Here's to another year in this dead-end life with the worst broken heart ever.]]"]]

'''''Futurama''''' is an animated sci-fi satire created by Matt Groening that originally debuted on Fox in [[1999]]. It was initially cancelled in [[2003]], but it found a second wind through reruns on [[Adult Swim]], and was later revived as a series of direct-to-DVD movies, followed by new seasons on [[South Park|Comedy Central]] and later Hulu.

''Futurama'' was one of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s favorite shows from the Adult Swim lineup, so he occasionally peppered his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]] with material from it. While ''Futurama'' can be enjoyed on multiple levels, Chris probably only watched it for the [[random-access humor]] and so he'd [[mass debate]] to the fanservicey characters.

==Stuff Chris stole from this show==
* A common gag in ''Futurama'' is the appearance of 20th- and 21st-century celebrities and other historical figures as cloned disembodied heads sustained in jars of murky fluid. This allows the writers to use guest stars who would otherwise be long-dead in the 31st Century, when the show is set. In ''[[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]'', Chris battles the evil [[W-M-Manajerk]], who is basically the head of a nondescript man in one of these jars. His jar is mounted atop a powerful robot body, which looks suspiciously similar to one used by Richard Nixon's head in "[[Wikipedia:A Head in the Polls|A Head in the Polls]]".
[[Image:Manajerks.jpg|thumb|150px|WM Manajerk ready to kick ass.]]
* ''[[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]'' involves time-travel, and so [[Magi-Chan|Magi-Chan Sonichu]] creates a "time-sphere" which looks very much like the one employed in the direct-to-DVD film "Bender's Big Score". In fact, Chris and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] spend their trip backward through time discussing the movie as though it were a scientific treatise on real-life temporal mechanics. The pair also discuss the episode "Roswell That Ends Well," and agree that the two fictional cartoons prove that one cannot alter the past to influence the future. Chris also references the binary code used in the movie to activate the time sphere, although this doesn't appear to be dialogue, or even connected to the plot of the issue.
* As if that weren't bad enough, Chris throws in Bender himself, one of the main characters of ''Futurama'', plunging through the time stream as Chris and the others pass by going the other way.
* Chris badly mimicked [[Wikipedia:Bender (Futurama)|Bender]] in [[Mumble 7]].
* Chris made a gabbled threat against a [[trolls|troll]] named after [[Wikipedia:Zapp Brannigan|Zapp Brannigan]] in [[Rollin' and Trollin']]: ''[[Captain's Log|Captains log]] star date Velour Fog? Zapp Brannigan? What’s the deal with that? I’d punch you in the face like [[Wikipedia:Turanga Leela|Leela]] does.
* According to the [[CWCipedia]] article on [[Bubbles]], as a Rosey she befriended the merpeople living in the lost city of Atlantis.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20111128031610/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu]</ref> This could be a plagiarism of the Futurama episode ''[[wikipedia:The Deep South (Futurama)|The Deep South]]'', in which the main characters go to Atlanta, now an undersea city populated by merpeople.
* Chris compared himself to December 31, 1999-Fry on 31 December 2013. Unlike Chris however, Fry actually had a job and was a moderately-functional member of society, and his ex-girlfriend was real.
* Chris likely copied the line "smoke um peace pipe" from the episode "Where the Buggalo Roam" in his [[Wigwam]] video.
* The episode "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" mentions the concept of sex on the [[third date]], which may at least partially be where Chris got that idea from.

==References==
<references/>
{{TV}}
==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Futurama|Wikipedia article on ''Futurama'']]

[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Megan Schroeder

2025-10-06T23:20:32Z

Broseph: Edited the year Chris first met Megan, just a minor fix.

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Honest}}


{{quote|Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true, it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.|Christian, ''[[Story of My Current Days]]''}}
{{Quote|ED didn't drag my name through the mud but you did.
I don't know, I can't keep disgracing myself and forgiving and forgiving. I have some pride you know. I've forgiven you so many times before it's just getting irritating now. Even I have my limits.|Megan gives her own view<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
| name = Megan Schroeder
| aliases = pearl3 CPU Red Heart
| image = meganwithcwc.png
| title = Megan Schroeder
| nationality = [[United States|American]]
| day = 23
| month = 7
| year = 1986
| race = White
| gender = Female
| knownfor = {{•}} Being one of Chris's few friends outside of High School. {{•}} Being an unwilling candidate in Chris's Love Quest, despite telling Chris numerous times that she was not interested {{•}} Being the subject of [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|a horrid drawing]] of Chris fingering her. {{•}} Being a scapegoat by Chris and his family for why he's being trolled.
| saga = {{saga|megan|cn}}, {{saga|stackhouse|cn}}, {{saga|ed|cn}}, {{saga|gameplace|cn}}, {{saga|arbitarch|cn}}
}}

'''Megan Schroeder''' (born 23 July [[1986]]) is a former [[gal pal]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s, with whom he had perhaps the closest [[Chris and socialization|relationship]] with anybody he's ever had in his life. Megan was one [[The Wallflower|of]] [[DoopieDoOver|four]] [[Fiona|potential]] [[sweetheart|sweethearts]] that Chris met that wasn't a [[Troll]], [[Polyamorous marriage| fictional character]], or [[Barbara Chandler|his own mother]].

Chris first met Megan in the summer of [[2005]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]], where she and her brother [[John]] were regulars. Megan and Chris became good friends, but Chris, being Chris, completely misread their bond as one that could blossom into a true and honest romance. Megan repeatedly tried to set boundaries that Chris either misunderstood or ignored, which led to increasing tensions between the two. This reached a boiling point during the early days of Chris's feud with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], in which [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Chris drew a pornographic image of himself and Megan]].

Following Chris's progressively creepier unwanted advances, and realizing that he drew porn of her, Megan cut off contact with him in early [[2008]]. Since then, Chris has developed an intense and unwarranted [[Chris and anger|grudge]] against her, thanks to misconceptions fed to him by [[Borb|his parents]], and his [[autism|autistic delusions]] about her scheming with [[Michael Snyder]] to have him banned from The GAMe PLACe. Chris's attempted contacts with Megan have dragged on as late as [[2018]]. Thanks to the [[Idea Guys]], he later came to believe that she was a [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Goddess]], much like [[CPU Blue Heart|himself]], but Chris never got to speak with her again.

==Prologue==
{{main|Megan emails, 2005-2006}}
{{See also|Megan emails, Jan-July 2007}}
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|300px|Look at the fear in her eyes...]]
[[File:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|...and again]]

{{quote|During the late summer months, I picked up and started the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] [[Trading Card Game]] (it was around the time the movie came into theaters). One Saturday at the Game Place (Where I was also going for Pokemon TCG on Fridays), I met Megan and [[John's Custom Gundam|John Schroeder]]. At first I thought they were a couple but then they were just Sister and Brother. Over the months of getting to know Megan, I grew fond of her. Although at that time, and up to now, she wasn't interested in a lovely relationship. I've bided to her wishes and requests. I am truly fond of her, and I hope she will have a change of heart soon. She'll be turning 21 on July 23, 2007.|Christian<ref>[[Yep, I'm on TV :)]]</ref>}}

Megan is a typical ''truly'' [[boyfriend-free girl]], even claiming to be [[Chris and sexuality#Asexuality|asexual]]. She had a few eccentricities, which Chris was more than happy to copy and oblige, namely her fondness for ''[[My Little Pony]]'', ''[[Sailor Moon]]'', and asking Chris to purchase things from [[eBay]] for her.

Megan and Chris first met at The GAMe PLACe in summer 2004, over a game of ''Yu-Gi-Oh!''. The two apparently struck up a friendship of sorts. They had an obvious connection from the start, since they were both adults who passed their time playing [[card games]] mostly marketed to preteens. It only took [[Third date|a few games]] and a handful of e-mails before Chris saw Megan as his [[sweetheart]]. Megan, however, did not reciprocate this sentiment. It probably didn't help that Megan was getting Chris to buy things for her:

{{quote|Please can you get this video for me? please hurry! thanks!|Megan, [[Megan emails, 2005-2006#Megan wants a Tintin tape|Megan emails]]}}
Through the end of 2005 and into [[2006]], Chris obsessed over Megan, writing her [[Sonichu 5|into his comic]], trying to drag her into dates, trying to snuggle, hold her hand, kiss her, and other attempted romantic gestures. This didn't accomplish anything but rousing the ire of Megan, who was uncomfortable with these advances and only saw him as a friend, nothing more. She repeatedly tried to assert her asexuality to Chris, in an effort to prevent his advances. Sadly, this fell on deaf ears, and Chris continued to hound her. Even when Megan eventually resorted to claiming she had a boyfriend, Chris was not deterred.

Unfortunately for her, this was only the beginning...

==Megan Saga==

===Sailor Megtune===
{{Main|Sailor Megtune}}

Megan, like Chris, enjoyed drawing cartoons, and this seems to have caught Chris's eye early in the game:

{{quote|Everytime I see your drawings, I get inspired to want to work more on [[Sonichu (comic)|my comics]].|Christian, [[Megan emails, 2005-2006#Chris wants to date Megan at McDonald's|Megan emails]]}}

In what was a fortunate alignment of his ass-kissing campaign with the series of diary entries that ''Sonichu'' had become, Megan (later [[retconned]] as '''Meg-chan''') soon made her first appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] along with [[Megagi La Skunk]], her own furry sidekick. The two are purportedly "[[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldiers]]" and reveal on the spot that Chris is an old friend of theirs (including Megagi) and thwart the evil [[Jerkop]]s trying to ruin Chris' [[Love Quest]] with Rockin' Hurricane, causing Magic Rocket to [[Team Rocket|blast off again]]. Her influence on the "art" of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is apparent in Chris's sudden transition to a more [[anime]] style with ''Sonichu'' #5, most notably in his character's eyes, which became large and shiny.

[[File:Sonichu - Episode 13, Page 27.jpg|thumb|Getting dangerously close to crossing the line...]]

Megan and Chris appeared to chat about comics in their e-mail conversations; Chris [[Ego|critiqued]] some of her story ideas, and ran the plotline for [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] by her, including a bizarre offer to write in Megan's own imaginary daughter. While Megan probably found the whole thing harmlessly eccentric at first, ''Sonichu'' #5 managed to create some drama pretty quickly upon its release. Megan undoubtedly flipped when she saw her character getting romantic with Chris, as well as being portrayed in a sexualized manner. Chris completely failed to comprehend why she was angry, but did [[retcon]] a couple of pages to tone them down. This did not placate Megan, however.

===Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown===
{{main|Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown}}
{{See also|Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007}}

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]] and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet [[Gal pal|Gal-Friend]] to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]; [[Chris and rape|it would have been terriffic]]. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a [[stress|FRUSTRATED]], High-Functionally [[autism|AUTISTIC]], 25-YEAR OLD [[Virgin with rage|VIRGIN]].|[[PSN Blogs]]}}

Megan spent the summer of [[2007]] in [[Wikipedia:Kentucky|Kentucky]], where her brother was taking a summer course in Mechanics. Undeterred, Chris continued e-mailing her, refusing to back away even for a moment as he ''still'' believed that, deep down inside, Megan truly did love him. Discovering Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown and the prizes for victory, Chris eagerly entered the contest, hoping to win a [[PSP]] and use the trip offered in the contest to win her [[china|heart]]. In the end, as expected, Chris lost (even after extensive cheating), [[Adam Stackhouse]] won, and Megan didn't care. Even when Chris began whining to her and others about how Adam and everyone else except Chris had somehow cheated, Megan didn't care either way. This childish behavior eventually resulted in Megan losing her temper with Chris, reprimanding him for his selfishness and inappropriate behavior. Despite being hurt by her outburst, Chris continued to harass Megan in much the same way as before.

===Sexual Tensions and The End of Megan===
{{Main|ShecameforCWC.JPG}}
{{See also|Megan emails, 2008}}

{{quote|And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; that is ''Megan''!|Chris, stating [[Chris and art|the not-so-obvious]] and burning bridges with Megan for good<ref name="secondmessage">[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>}}

[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|...And the line has officially been crossed.]]

In November 2007, Chris discovered his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page and begin his one-man crusade [[Sonichu 8|against the garbage]]. In the process, he uploaded a number of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|pornographic and lewd]] artworks, one of which was [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingering Megan]] with her eyes obscured. Trolls originally believed that she was [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his imaginary sister Crystal]], which prompted an outraged Chris to try to deny accusations of [[Chris and sex#Incest|incestuous desires]] by revealing that the image was actually meant to represent Megan.<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on 18 March 2008.]]</ref><ref name="secondmessage"/>

By 12 [[March 2008]], Megan discovered the picture depicting her and demanded that it be removed immediately. Chris attempted to do so, but found himself blocked at every turn. His edits were quickly reverted, or even worse, compounded, as he tried to upload other versions of the picture with the face cropped out or obscured. On 21 [[April 2008]] Megan wrote an email to Chris saying she was not comfortable being around him anymore,<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Megan can't trust Chris anymore]]</ref> thus putting an end to their friendship.

Throughout the fiasco, Chris brashly attempted to paint himself as a greater victim than Megan, initially even assuming that she didn't understand what was going on in the picture. He later admitted that he created the image in part to suppress the occasional impulse to '''[[rape]] her''', and that trying to assert that what she was going through just ''being'' in the picture and learning what he could have done was ''nothing'' compared to the misery of the [[troll]]ing he was enduring.<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED]]</ref>

Evidence suggests that Megan was distancing herself from Chris even before she discovered the awful drawing. Comments by former GAMe PLACe patrons [[Daniel Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] indicate that Megan was already avoiding Chris before she found out ShecameforCWC.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Initial post|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]: "Megan would usually stand/hide behind me and Lucas to avoid [Chris], '''especially after''' the drawings of her got leaked [emphasis added]." This comment suggests that Megan was avoiding Chris before ShecameforCWC came to her attention. In their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris and Megan|discussion of Megan]], Mimms and Lucas seem to attribute Chris's groping as the main factor behind the deterioration of his relationship with her, while giving little weight to ShecameforCWC.</ref> Chris himself has partially confirmed this account on the [[CWCipedia]].<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [https://archive.vn/rB99e Megan]: "When I started getting too close, [Megan] started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible homosexual."</ref> It might very well be that ShecameforCWC was the last step in euthanizing a dying relationship, rather than killing a vibrant and living one.

{{clear}}

==Aftermath==
{{quote|Too bad I was never just that too all into him.|Cartoon Megan, "I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

{{quote|Megan... WHY?!|Christian,
"I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

Despite Megan telling him she was no longer comfortable being in his presence, Chris was not willing to give up on her. On 11 [[2008#June|June 2008]], Chris sent an email to a person named Tyler Wane, asking Tyler to deliver Megan the birthday gift Chris bought for her (a German-English dictionary). Chris said he could not deliver her the gift himself due to being "forced into hiatus from the Pokemon League by that S.O.B. [[Michael Snyder|Mike]]". Tyler in response suggested to Chris to arrange meeting with Megan outside [[The GAMe PLACe]].<ref><[[Chris emails 2008#June]]</ref>

Megan surfaced again in Chris's thoughts in [[July 2009]], first in the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, and then in the subsequent update, [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]. Chris also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCo72hJ-SAg reposted] the Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown entry, though this version is slightly different from the ones frequently seen in latter days: After "...my friend Megan!", Chris inserted a short break with a photo of him and Megan, with a lovely heart frame. Either this is the original version before Chris tried to clean up his image, or a brand new version with new improved references to the long-lost love.

On 26 [[March 2009]], he released a [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009 |Captain's Log]] where he told everyone to [[Chris and Hypocrisy|"leave her alone"]] because she was going through [[stress]] from the [[trolls]], and threatened to stop drawing the comic if they didn't. At the beginning of the video Chris claims that he was recently contacted by Megan, though it was most likely a troll posing as her seeing as she had cut off all ties with him.

On 12 [[August 2009]], he dedicated a song to Megan in one of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] videos, where the first sign that he'd convinced himself that she'd told him "I Love You" comes up (and he remains relatively consistent when speaking of her in acting as though this actually happened).

{{quote|Coming up next at #7, we got another long-distance dedication, to the old [[gal-pal]] of mine that I almost had a ra- I had meant to be- I had her "I love you" before I got kicked out, Megan Schroeder, her, from her favorite, this is from her favorite h-artist, Yngwie Malmsteen.|Christian, "[[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]"}}

In 2010, he created a [[:File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|model of Megan]] for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' (named "Gal Pal"), showing that he still couldn't let go.

=== Chris's version of events ===
On 16 [[May 2010]], the [[CWCipedia]]'s new fan manager Daria Camacho created a page for Megan, using the link on Chris's page of [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|gal-pals and sweethearts]]. When Chris discovered it, he erased all of Daria's text and wrote his own version. The abridged version of events he presents is much shorter than his gigantic [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|rant on The Wallflower]], probably because the events of the Megan Saga are beginning to fade from his memory.

{{quotebox|If you REALLY MUST KNOW...

Megan and I first met at a Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament at The G&H Place, back when it was still in the Downtown Mall. It was around the time the Y.G.O. Movie debuted in theaters. She and I, we talked, hung out and became really good friends.

"I DID have lovey-dovey feelings for her, and I still care about her as a friend. I did her a number of favors by getting her this and that off of eBay, then she would reimburse me the cost of each item.

When I started getting too close, she started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible [[homos]]exual.

I drew that drawing of her and me that is unfortunately popular among everyone who tends to haze me for TWO REASONS. Firstly, because of My Own Wishful Thinking. And second a tool in a lame attempt to overcrowd the E.D. page against me with Bu**C*** with my own "information" to shut it down.

Ever since, she totally spaced herself from me, like as if she had put a restraining order against, which she did not. And as I was being forced off the Place premesis the last day I was there, she stood by and watched in shock. She could have spoken up for me, but she did not.

I have lost communication with Megan since then.}}

In the months and years after his "breakup" with Megan, Chris came to try and act as if he'd gotten over her. His [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] on [[The Wallflower]], for instance, claimed "I had LOOOOOONG moved on from Megan."

However, a lingering attachment betrayed itself on occasion. The archive of his [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|female acquaintances]] on the CWCipedia noted, "I still miss her sometimes." In an [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place|e-mail to Jackie]] from April 2010, when he recounted having his picture taken at The GAMe PLACe, Chris said, "I was in a state of shock from seeing Megan and (her short-lived romance) Christopher MAKING OUT. '''That Should Have Been Me.'''"

==The Blame Game==

=== Origins ===
[[File:Megan Schroeder - 2013 September.jpeg|thumb|Megan, years later, still recovering from her ordeal. Out of frame: [[JERKS|JERK]].]]
The [[Matthew Noble call]] of August 2010 revealed that [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] disliked and distrusted Megan, believing that she conspired with Michael Snyder and "some [[homos]]exual[s]" to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe. Barbara also mentions how Megan "lied" about something, suggesting that she believes Megan to be a troll.

In a call between Bob and [[ThePCAssassins]] Bob tells the caller that Megan is a [[Bob Call 6|"little low life in the gutter bitch."]]

It is possible that this belief originated with Chris, as in his correspondence with [[Katie Bay]], he lists Megan as a "possible troll".<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 2#26 July]]</ref> His reasoning was typical Chris - she had a vagina and didn't want to give him access to it. He also appears to have [[Autism|confused her with another white female brunette]] that placed a sign on his lawn on [[Halloween]] [[2008]].

=== Chris Doxes Megan ===

A series of leaked Facebook postings beginning in [[February 2012]] revealed Chris' ever-growing, pathological, and extreme hatred for Megan. His animosity for Megan supposedly grew much more vitriolic after buying into his parents' [[Chris and reality|completely baseless]] belief that Megan was responsible for the "Hate and Smear Campaign" against Chris:

{{quote|EVERYONE, I have most urgent news. It is Final in My Mind, and from my mother as an eye and ear witness of her consorting with [[Michael Snyder]] LONG Before Novembef, [[2007]]; Megan Schroeder IS the SEED of the Whole Hate and Smear Campaign Against Me on the [[Internet]]. If any of you all Know where she is, or have clues of her, or her brother...current wherabouts, Please Inform Me on THIS WALL, Posthaste. She is Needed Brought to me, my mother and [[Rob Bell|our attorney]], for Great Questioning, and a Huge Piece of my mind. Thank You, Christian W. Chandler|Chris, Facebook, [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news|February 18, 2012]]}}

In the following days, Chris posted her contact information in hopes that his friends would troll her. Thankfully, this effort was not successful.

[[File:Fbp10.png|thumb|Chris's moronic attempt at trolling back Megan. He exhibits a belief that if you simply dox people online, they get trolled back, not realizing the large number of reasons why this only happened to him.]]

On 4 April [[2013]], Chris denounced The GAMe PLACe and called for Megan to be "jailed and beaten up", describing her as a "vile, wicked, traitorous bitch"<ref>[[April 2013 Facebook posts#Leaving the Game Place behind]]</ref>—a rare display of hatred upon a woman not seen from Chris since [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Judging by a 20 July 2013 Facebook post, Chris seems to be holding Schroeder, along with [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]], to be the main culprit behind the various misfortunes he had over the years.<ref>[[July 2013 Facebook Posts#Spring Breakers]]</ref>

=== Megagi La Scapegoat ===

Chris's vitriol for Megan continues almost six years after his ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], and he has even resorted to using Megan as a scapegoat for everything bad that happens to him even if he is blatantly responsible. In the aftermath of a permaban from [[Wal-Mart]] on the weekend of 7 September 2013 for having vandalized an [[Xbox]] One display, Chris flew into an incoherent rage and began blaming Megan for both his Wal-mart and GAMe PLACe bans:

{{quote|If it had not been for Mr. "[[Manajerk]]", Megan Schroeder, and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys, My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to [[Financhu Crisis|the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By!]] The Manajerk has drained us financially, thinking we are freaking rich. And Megan has robbed me emotionally, started all of the Hate Against Me on the freaking Internet, Never financially paid me back for ALL of the material favors I bought for her off of eBay, and I WANT MY UNCUT "SAILOR MOON' DVDS FROM SEASONS "R" TO "SAILOR STAR" THAT GERMAN WARFARE BITCH CONNED FROM ME RETURNED TO ME!!!|Chris, Facebook, September 7, 2013}}

[[File:Sept13 Imgur 28.jpg|thumb|left|Megan's fate as a Lego voodoo doll. Notice her goth style clothing.]]
On 24 September 2013, Chris claimed in a Facebook post to have received an email from Daniel Mimms about Megan's current whereabouts. He now classes her with the Witch ([[Mary Lee Walsh]]) and the Bastard ([[Michael Snyder]]), and makes three [[Lego]] minifigs of them and shakes them together as a sort of punishment.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Voodoo-Wise]]</ref><ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Yep, the Bitch has not changed a thing...]]</ref> Of course, the notion that Chris can perform [[Wikipedia:Sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]] to harm his enemies is [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|befitting]] with his [[Chris and reality|other delusions]]. Chris continued to use this Lego minifigure of Megan as a totem to relieve his anger for her, and it appeared a month later "in detention" at [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|Lego Manchester High]].

On 3 October 2013, Chris posted another [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|rambling tirade directed at Megan]] to Facebook. This time, Chris claimed that [[Megagi La Skunk]], Megan's cartoon character that she probably doesn't even remember making, told him that she is "deeply distrustful" and agrees with Chris that Megan should have never been born. Additionally, as if she would even care, Megan's [[Sailor Megtune]] "powers" were "revoked" by Chris. On top of reiterating the previous "wrongdoings" by Megan, Chris has proven nothing at all, except perhaps that he suffers from [[Chris and reality|some form of]] [[Chris and anger|mental illness.]]

{{quote|
You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, Trolls, PLace People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with Megagi La Skunk; she feels deep distrust in you. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your Sailor Megtune powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! Usagi and the Sailor Scouts would have been most ashamed of you.

...And by the way, I pray you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the Witch and the Bastard! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!|Chris, Facebook, October 3, 2013}}

Chris ended his first rant with a comment reading "NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!", possibly because he's tired of having his atrocious behavior called out by even the most ass-patting of his friends. The following day, Chris focused all his blame like a laser beam on Megan, insisting that she is responsible for the [[CWCki]], virtually all of his [[List of places that have banned Chris|bans]], the "theft" of his [[Sailor Moon]] DVDs ''yet again'', and astonishingly, even the fact that he lacks a sweetheart. That's right: not only is Megan the one who's responsible for everything Chris inflicted on himself, but also Chris will ''only'' forgive Megan after he gets [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|unpaid]] [[china]] he feels entitled to.

{{quote|I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the Cwcki, its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking Internet is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female Sweetheart for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.|Chris, Facebook, October 4, 2013, 10:09am}}

=== Megan, Queen of the Trolls ===

Roughly two hours later, Chris posted another Facebook message. While seemingly intending to explain the methodology of Megan's master [[troll]] scheme, to everyone else it actually reads more like valid condemnations of Chris' obnoxious behavior by his peers and authority figures. Finally, Chris re-iterated his desire not to hear any criticism from his friends, instructing others not to comment on his post and challenging Megan to a face-to-face meeting. Whether Megan cares enough to challenge, in-person, a delusional 31-year old who lives with his [[Barb|mother]] remains yet to be seen.

{{quote|Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs onto me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my head after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed for murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "Mimms and Lucas are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; his Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my homosexual fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!""

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to curse and haunt you with my father at my side.|Chris, Facebook, October 4, 2013, 12:44pm}}

Chris later deleted the two posts prior to this one; a few hours later, he deleted this one as well.

In late 2020, Chris [[Spirit possession|(while "possessed" by Sonichu)]] revealed that he no longer believed Megan to be a troll, but that "[Chris] was to blame for all of the very stupid impulses and mistakes that ended that friendship."<ref>[[Discord Q&A 11#Chris's Closest Friend]]</ref> This seeming forgiveness may have been spurred on by his belief that Megan is a CPU goddess. It also shows [[Chris and his ego#Persecution complex|Chris's self-serving memory]] in action, considering that she was justified to feel uncomfortable at his unwanted advances on her and understandably creeped out by ShecameforCWC.JPG.

==CPU Red Heart==
{{Quote|But anyway, Megan, your counterpart in C197, ever since her pow- er, sailor senshi powers, Sailor Megtune, have been stripped after the unfortunate break-up events of 06 or 07, or it may have been 08, that actually happened between you and I, not going to go into further detail.}}

In the video [[Dimensional Merge Announcements]], where Chris announces the Dimensional Merge, Chris mentions that Megan herself has become a CPU Goddess in the form of Sailor Megtune, aka '''CPU Red Heart'''. Chris also mentions how his prior grudge towards her has also dissipated, and encourages fans to not harass her.

Chris then told [[The Captain]] to text Megan, and then the following post on Kiwi Farms. According to him, Megan was genuinely touched by Chris declaring her as a CPU Goddess, and feels sorry for him, but also decided not to meet with him under any circumstances.

{{quoteboxkiwi|This video legitimately makes me sad.

He's very muted here.. totally not like him at all.

He did text me asking me to send it to Megan so I did.. I'm waiting for her response.

Edit: She's genuinely touched and really liked whoever is posting as Donald Trump. She feels bad for Chris but will not be meeting up with him under any circumstances.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (The Captain)#Captain texts Megan]]</ref>}}

==Other Mentions==
{{quote|I just say let her, wherever she is, live her life, and I'll just stay here, liv- living mine. It's all done and over with.|Chris}}

On 26 [[January 2016]], in the [[CatKnight Interview 2|second CatKnight interview]], Sir Arthur Spatchcock brought up the topic of Megan and the [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news|grudge]] [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Pissed off|Chris]] [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Damn You|had]] [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Address|against]] [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#GAMe PLACe revelations|her]]. Chris claimed that he has finally gotten over that grudge, wishing for her to be left alone to live her own life.

In February 2017, Chris looked up and browsed through Megan's Facebook account,<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Found Megan's Facebook]]</ref> sharing one of her drawings to his own account. When asked by [[Kim Wilson]] if they were friends again, Chris responded:

{{quotebox|Not quite; I just gone through my past and recent sent friend requests, found Megan Schroeder, and I liked her cover photo; it's cute. She has a few cute dogs too. At least, she's doing okay; as far as I can tell.}}

The act of searching for his ex-[[gal pal]] came just four days after Chris posted about his feelings of nostalgia for his "friends" from [[Manchester High]].

Megan was asked about Chris on her Etsy page on July 1 2017. This was her response: <ref>https://1drv.ms/u/s!Aj5gd-lUeHJyhUknNI2IkmGQC1eq</ref>

{{quotebox|'''Hi'''

Thank you very much! Unfortunately with Chris he never learns from his mistakes, he refuses to accept any accountability. When I heard about the house fire, I thought maybe it was a blessing in disguise and he would start a new better life with a clean slate. But from whatI hear, no, he still begs for money and spends it all on legos...

Well thanks for the good wishes, I really appreciate that!}}

On 9 [[October 2017]], Chris once again looked up Megan's Facebook for her online store and left a comment on it:<ref>[[October 2017 Facebook posts#Complimenting Megan Schroeder]]</ref>

{{quotebox|I just wanted to tell you I like your craft and are. You have become a lot more talented over the years. Many blessing to you and your family. 🌸}}

The post was later removed.

During the [[Idea Guys]] saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspective of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Ideas involving Megan include:

*Megan having the memories of [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Red Heart]], which she earned while in politics.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20190528042422/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1015420612494397441</ref>

On 19 [[May 2018]], a full decade after Megan cut off all communications with him, Chris issued a public apology to Megan and her brother and expressed his desire to reopen old wounds by speaking with them:<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997900592084238336</ref>

{{quotebox|I want to once again humbly apologize to Megan and John Schroeder. I know I did y'all wrong back in the day but time heals all wounds. It would be nice to hear from you with just a simple "hi" or "best of luck". After all of These Years I still need closure.}}

When asked why he would issue this apology publicly when she clearly does not want to be associated with him, Chris responded that he had no choice because she blocked him on Facebook.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997901813868257281</ref>

On 17 [[October 2018]] (during the timeframe when [[2018 Twitter account compromise|Chris's Twitter account was being compromised]]) Chris's Twitter account declared that if he and Barb received [[Financhu Crisis|enough donations]], he would drive over to Megan's house and take Barb and his "[[Polyamorous marriage|poly-loves]]" with him.<ref>[[October 2018 social media posts#Donation drive to see Megan]]</ref> About nineteen minutes later, the Twitter account backtracked on the claim after learning from [[The Captain]]<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (The Captain)#Megan's Guns]]</ref> that Megan possesses guns.<ref>[[October 2018 social media posts#Megan's got dat stick]] / https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1052621336751702019</ref> Due to the account compromise, it is unclear whether the messages had been sent by Chris.

In [[the Sons of the Miscreants chats]], [[MKRNightVee]] claimed that Chris wanted her to befriend Megan in order to help him resume communication with Megan. MKR declined to get involved out of concern for Megan.

On 4 [[April 2019]], a trailer for the documentary ''[[Chris Chan VS. The Internet]]'' was released, which featured brief footage of and narration by a brunette woman, shot from behind, speculated and later confirmed to be Megan herself. [[Geno Samuel]] claimed that Megan actually wanted to physically reunite with Chris, thinking it would be fun; the film's director, Joseph Draft, vetoed this, feeling it would be "too corny and forced".<ref>[[:File:Geno on Draft docu.png]]</ref> [[Naught]] claimed both that Megan later requested that her footage be cut entirely from the film, and that Draft destroyed the hard drive containing the film's only known completed copy.<ref>[[Official CWCki Server chats (Naught)#Chris Chan VS. The Internet]]</ref>

On 20 [[September 2020]], in the [[Watchmen]] Discord server, [[The Place]], Chris, while [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as [[Sonichu]], described having viewed the ''Chris Chan Vs. The Internet'' trailer and then had an emotional breakdown over his perceived issues with Megan.<ref>[[The Place chats - Megan Obsession]]</ref>
{{quotebox|Mama off and on would also see Megan in her dreams; simply being there. An awkward moment, and Mama’s impulse was to back away and leave her be.

Now, I can move back to last night.

While trying to fall asleep after hitting the hay at about 1:30 am, for Hours, Chris-Core kept on thinking about it and searching further into these emotions and all. This body cried a LOT, and yes, I’ve had to blow its nose.}}
Additionally, Chris further described his past with Megan, reiterating his desire for a face to face, "heart to heart" chat with her. Near the end of the chat, Chris once again claimed that Megan is the [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Goddess Red Heart]] of a rare Nintendo console only released in Germany.

On 5 [[November 2020]], in another chat in The Place, Chris described the coverage of Megan in the Chris Chan Youtube series ''[[Beneath the Bridge]]'' as a "real mixed bag", admitting that he had been cringing and crying throughout most of it.<ref>[[The Place chats - Beneath the Bridge]]</ref>
{{quotebox|The multi-part vids about Megan were a real mixed bag; more than half of the time, it hit the nerves in the core of this body, some cringe, a bunch of crying, and so on.}}

On 7 [[January 2021]], Megan was asked if her association with Chris and the ensuing status of minor internet celebrity that came with it was ever thought about. She gave a [[Honest Content|True and Honest]] response, saying that she doesn't even think of it.<ref>[[:File:Megan question January 2021.png]]</ref>

On 25 [[March 2021]], in a yet another chat in The Place, Chris, while role-playing as a psychic detective of a future murder, brought up Megan. Having narrowed down the supposed victims to one of two, Chris claimed that Megan will need extra defense. [[Kyle]] and [[MKR]] quickly discouraged Chris from considering this further, reminding him that Megan has a gun and knows how to defend herself.<ref>[[The Place chats - Psychic Detective]]</ref>
{{quotebox|I’m not finalized which of the two, but the victim is either in California or Virginia.
And, Megan Schroeder, in Virginia, here, is one who will (also) need some extra defense on her part during this present time as well.}}

In the 17 [[October 2023]] video [[Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021]], Chris singled out Megan during a segment in which he complained about people blocking him, saying that she and others had their chance to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|actually be kind and compassionate towards him]].

In the 19 [[May 2025]] video [[Grounded Deep Response]], while attempting to do an [[introspection]] on his public image, Chris brought up Megan while describing the effects of toxic people and trolls in his life. In a slip of the tongue, he started to describe his association with her as a "relationship", before adjusting himself to "friendship."

==Interviews==
During January 2019, a YouTuber by the moniker BazzBe interviewed Megan over Facebook. BazzBe then put together a video narrating the chat.

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = BazzBe's Interview with Megan Schroeder
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|9FdLfSDD14o}}
| Stardate = January 2019
| Featuring =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
{{quoteboxyellow|[''autistic sigh''] Oh man. Alright, so, like I said earlier in the video [this is part five of a series, he is apparently referring to an earlier part], I did get the chance to speak to Megan today. Um, hold on [fiddles with screen, which due to being 480px is almost completely unreadable on YouTube] ... uh huh, I was [hiding?] the messages.

So basically, I messaged her, uh, it was accidentally, but I messaged her on her business page because apparently she's in business now and, like, cool. So she asked me to talk to her on her normal page, so I did, I found her, and I asked her: so, I'm sure that you know what I want to talk about, things from past events.

She said: '''Oh yeah, you know, Chris.'''

And I told her, like, I'm very drawn to the story, I've been covering it on YouTube, and I figured it would be cool if I could contact to you so I could see how things, like, how you feel about it nowadays.

She goes: '''Well honestly, I don't follow his antics at all, I've seen a few recent things from someone that alerts me that he's doing things regarding me or whatever.'''

And I asked her, well, were you ever really friends, or did you just feel pity for him?

She said, '''No, I'd say despite his advances, it was a good friendship. He was a lot of fun to converse with. People think that I was using him for things.''' (Which I've heard a lot of people say she was just using him to buy things, but it's been like fifteen years, what would she gain from lying to us?) '''People think that I've been using him for things, but I'd always presented him gifts for his birthday or Christmas. Things from eBay I would either give cash or trade for mangas or DVDs or whatever.'''

I said, did you ever think you would reunite, how do you feel about ... sorry I'm tired ... how do you feel about being a part of all this and having a fanbase?

And she said, '''I didn't know I had fans too.'''

[''Vaguely thirsty grin''] You do! '''Personally I think it's best to stay away and not be involved with him again.''' I said, yeah, you do have a fanbase, and you're definitely the saddest part of the story in my opinion. I do generally believe that, now I know a lot about some of the upcoming stuff that's coming to the fore but I will say Megan was the part where it started going downhill. She was the beginning of the snowball effect, and I think that's when the rock bottom starts to come if you know what I mean, 'cause that was like, the last real friend he had before he fucked it all up.

Ah, ok, where was I at?

'''Comparing him now, I'd say he was definitely more normal during my time with him. That's saying something.'''

How many others have contacted you over this?

'''Oh, I couldn't keep count. It's always been through facebook and as well as Etsy, it's always been half and half condolences and trolls, weens trying to get a reaction or a reply out of me.'''

I told her I was just fascinated by the whole thing and I'm happy to have contacted you and have you take the time to take part in this. And she didn't mind, I was very awesome, I mean, damn that's cool. I was always, oh, I'm sorry, I was wanting to interview her on Discord so I could record our voices talking about it, but honestly I didn't think she would know how to use Discord, [''strange noise''], I'm not saying anything bad, she's a little bit older than me, also, it was like 9:30 in the morning so ... I told her I was sorry to bother her and I understand this might be affecting your life in a negative way because I understand about the artwork and stuff. And she said well, not necessarily, I made a couple of really close friends because of it, I think there's a misconception out there that the whole thing traumatized me which isn't the case at all.

That's good. That's actually something I was curious about. And I asked her [''laughs''], does she still enjoy Sailor Moon and My Little Pony?

She said, '''I have a Sailor Moon collection but I don't actively collect it anymore. It's been both a hobby and an investment. A few dolls sell now on eBay for $500 each. That's for Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, and MLP''' -- My Little Pony [''autistic smirk''] -- '''I sold those off a few years ago. I still play 3DS games and have a few Pikachu plush but I'm not into the whole anime fandom thing.'''

OK, fair enough. I asked her do you still remain in Virginia or did you escape?

She said she's still in Virginia and she's done some traveling around and overseas. So, then she told me that she was going to take her dogs or go feed her animals, and I said that was fine, but then I just went ahead and said hey, let's just postpone the rest of this and we'll just finish up tomorrow or, like, another day. Um ... yeah [''smirks again''] There's so much more I want to find out and I want to see, like, what all she's willing to discuss, but if you're interested in, like, I wouldn't say contacting, because I don't want anyone to really harass this woman, let her live her life.

If you are interested in buying one of her, uh, forest things ... I didn't actually really take the time to look at these, they're kind of cool ... [''weird smile, long pause''] ... but yeah, if you're interested in like, buying one of these, um, I'd say contact her, they look pretty interesting and you know some people have, like, a thing for cute animals, and I think I might just buy one, just to promote, so, thank you Megan, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this stuff today. Hopefully we can continue this and go a little bit deeper into it, but, alright. Thank you guys for washing, I really appreciate it, drop me a like, subscribe, help me out, and I will see you guys for part six. I can't wait. Goodnight.}}

A lost interview was also conducted at some point during 2019, for the cancelled ''[[Chris Chan VS. The Internet]]'' documentary, however, the director got cold feet and refused to release any of the documentary footage. A single line of Megan's from the interview is preserved from the documentary's trailer: "Now, he... he seems like a totally different person to me."

==Gallery==

===Art by Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg|[[Sailor Moon]]
Image:313-MegansSMoon.jpg|Sailor Moon
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|[[Megagi La Skunk]] ~ The pose in this and the following few drawings are traced from [http://info.sonicretro.org/File:Advance2_sonic.png this artwork] of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].
Image:318-HoundHowl.jpg|Hound Howl, which Chris reused as "Canino the Houndhowl" in the [[Wedding Comic]].
Image:319-PendingDoom.jpg|An OC based on the [[Pokémon]] Houndoom.
Image:320-Apocolypse.jpg|An OC based on Absol.
Image:321-IceCune.jpg|An OC based on Suicune.
Image:322-houdourstuff.jpg
Image:Megan ace of clubs.JPG|"Ace of Clubs" ~ Megan's original design for [[Patti-chan]], until Chris stole the design.
Image:Megyoshimitsu1.jpg|[[wikipedia:Yoshimitsu|Yoshimitsu]] drawing, made in [[1990s|1996]].<ref name="tekken forces">[https://web.archive.org/web/20091012030656/http://www.tekkenforces.com/fanart/fanartgmegimitsu.php Tekken Forces Fanart Gallery]</ref>
Image:Megyoshimitsu2.jpg|''[[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|Powerpuff Girls]]''-style Yoshimitsu<ref name="tekken forces"/>
</gallery></center>

===Art of Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:Sonichu07-P03.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P04.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P05.jpg|KINDA OF A [[Dragon Ball|GOKU-GET-EM]] ATTITUDE. :)
Image:129-ChrisChanMegtune.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:307-MegSch.jpg
Image:311-RedDarkMeggician.jpg
Image:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|Another [[wikipedia:Schroeder (Peanuts)|Schroeder]].
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|He just can't let go...
File:Sept13 Imgur 28.jpg|[[LEGO]] voodoo doll of Megan.
File:Lego2 - 24 September 2013.jpeg|He keeps it upside down to torture her.
File:Lego3 - 24 September 2013.jpeg|When he feels REALLY angry, he shakes it.
File:Meganfight 26.jpg|Chris victorious over the evil bitch.

</gallery></center>

===Miscellaneous===
<center><gallery>
Image:323-MegansDarkChao.JPG
</gallery></center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Megan Schroeder}}
<references />

{{-}}
{{MeganSaga}}
{{StackhouseSaga}}
{{GamePlaceSaga}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Schroeder, Megan}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Megan Saga|*]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Sweethearts-to-be]]
[[Category:LGBT]]
[[Category:Millennial Generation]]
[[Category:People from Virginia]]

Other enablers

2025-09-06T23:14:24Z

Broseph:

{{Protip|Petty enablers, whether financial or fantastic, should not get more than a paragraph or two, and should be squarely focused on their relation to Chris.}}
When the [[Idea Guys]] showed everyone in late [[2017]] that Chris is still just as [[naive]] as he was a decade earlier, he inspired many bored, childish, and mentally ill copycats. Chris's [[Chris and reality|deteriorating psyche]] has made him less amenable to being reached by such traditional methods as claiming to be a [[boyfriend-free girl]]; the Idea Guys had indeed caused Chris by [[March 2018]] to conclude the [[Love Quest]], blocking off this avenue outright. Instead, those who wish to prove themselves latter-day [[The Miscreants|Miscreants]] play along with Chris's more eccentric beliefs, including in [[Chris and religion#Delusions of godhood|his own divinity]]. A few such '''[[enablers]]''', such as [[Ben Saint]] and [[Jacob Sockness]], have left their indelible marks on the ''Sonichu'' series. Most have not. This page lists such petty [[enablers]] who have got [[TRUE and HONEST]] responses from Chris on social media or in chat rooms, yet have not provoked Chris into doing anything substantial.

==Fantasy==
===Eschcal===
[[File:CWCLivestream Fan, 12 Feb. 2020.png|thumb|200px|Eschcal tipping Chris $10 during a livestream.]]
'''Eschcal''' aka '''Whyt Foxx''' is a former enabler who discovered Chris in October 2019. She initially claimed to follow Chris to be a positive influence on him. Eschcal would later come into the spotlight when she donated $10 in his [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|live reading of ''SNT Vs Sonichu'']]. However shortly after the livestream, she would claim the relationship between the two would suddenly deteriorate, resulting in her being kicked out of his Discord group and knowing the true colors of Chris. She still occasionally orbits Chris's Twitter account but has reduced her enabling.<ref>https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sr52os</ref>

===Multidimensional White Knights===
{{Troll}}
[[File:BlockDM.png|350px|right|thumb|'Carrie' pleads for SonichuMerch to advocate to let her back into Chris's viewing box.]]
The '''Multidimensional White Knights''' (MWK) or '''Knights of C-197''' are a group of accounts, all associated with [[OCs|fictional characters]] from disparate children's programs, chief among them '''Carrie Krueger''' of ''[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1942683 The Amazing World of Gumball]'', originally created in [[February 2019]] and repurposed that summer in an idle attempt to mess with Chris as he was emerging from the [[Soft Exile]]. Throughout summer 2019, they would interact sporadically with Chris, getting occasional replies and likes but no Laughs Under Lucricities, being overshadowed by [[Sockness]]'s distended belly. No conclusive evidence identifying the puppetmaster behind these accounts exists.

During Chris's Twitter follower purge in [[July 2019]], Krueger was blocked from viewing Chris's account along with thousands of other perceived trolls, and the Knights were forced to use alternative accounts to reach him, though they were unblocked in October due to allegedly sending him a gift. Since then, the only one of the original ten Knights which Chris acknowledged as [[TRUE and HONEST]] was Ed Bighead of ''[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106115 Rocko's Modern Life]'', conflated with the [[Chris and religion|biblical]] [https://www.gotquestions.org/Darius-in-the-Bible.html Darius] and marketed as an ally against [[Ben Saint]] when he was trying to revise his comics that [[October 2019|October]].

[[File:156806320645546305.jpg|200px|right|thumb|The first Carrie photo that Chris fell for, it shows the Mooninites allegedly assassinating an offscreen OC.]]

Imitating the [[Idea Guys]]' love of the [[Operation BARBarossa|politically incorrect]], they also convinced Chris that [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/moon-man Mac Tonight] and former South African president [https://www.encyclopedia.com/people/history/southern-african-history-biographies/pieter-willem-botha Botha] were in league with Sockness's demons. They also convinced him that Austria-Hungary reformed and it was being led by Spongebob Squarepants who had changed his name to Amadeus and that the Ottoman Empire also reformed with a random Paper Mario character serving as Sultan. This was done by sharing a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BD-ba-aXQo Local 58 video] with Chris claiming that the events of the video were the work of Sockness's demons and Chris believed it.

Most recently they got <strike>Chris</strike> [[Spirit possession#Sonichu|Sonichu]] to acknowledge that the setting for [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Loud_House The Loud House] exists in C-197 during a Twitter thread in [[October 2020]].

While the Knights keep trying to ignite conflicts about cartoon characters and random historical figures on [[Discord]] and involve Chris in them, they have got occasional lukewarm responses from Chris; they have moderately influenced his view on C-197 itself but his vision of the [[Dimensional Merge]] itself remains unaffected.

<center><gallery>
File:ArbitarchMWKleak1.png
File:ArbitarchMWKleak2.jpg
File:ArbitarchMWKleak3.png
File:ArbitarchMWKleak4.png
File:ArbitarchMWKleak5.jpg
File:ArbitarchMWKleak6.png
File:Moonman1.png
File:Moonman2.png
File:MoonmanChris.png
File:RealMacTonight.png
File:CA24736A-3ABF-4B2B-80D4-412420678989.png
</gallery></center>

===Noah===
'''Noah''' is a YouTuber and Chris [[ween]]/fan. He is known for snatching a drawing Chris had left at the abandoned [[Goodwill Offering and Kindest Wishes|DeJarnette Center]], as well as deceiving a musician to appear alongside Chris on his [[Chris Chan & Max Mandu LIVE / Leftovers Tonight|short-lived interview series]]. In [[April 2019]], he, along with his girlfriend, took Chris out for lunch at Citizen Burger Bar, located in [[Charlottesville]]. His girlfriend later described the encounter in a Reddit post.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/hvefmv/signed_sonichu_comic_book/</ref>

{{quotebox|Gotta go into the repressed memories for this one. I’m going to refer to Chris as “they/them/their” bc I honestly don’t know what they identify as anymore. Basically my ex was really into following their story and found their address, which happened to be close-ish to where we lived. He contacted them and said we’d take them to lunch, which of course they chose a not-so-cheap option and made sure he would pay for it. Then we drove my car to pick them up, being greeted by the lovely sound of [[Clover and Snoopy|hound/beagle barks]]. They came out donning rainbow [[hair]], about 12 rings, a backpack, a jean skirt, and of course the [[Medallion|infamous Sonichu necklace]]. The ride to lunch was an absolute clusterfuck. They didn’t shut up, sang along to the radio, talked about how the [[Dimensional Merge|cartoon world would soon merge with our world]], how they [[Messiah complex|could talk to the dead]], and so on. I honestly didn’t think people like that really existed. Once we got to the restaurant, they pulled out a [[Idea Book Case|duct tape wallet]] to be able to play [[Pokemon GO|Pokémon go]] on two phones at once, like any sane person. They talked about everything so loudly I was mortified. Somehow the conversation ended up with them putting the Sonichu necklace on me and asking if I could “feel the power” (all I felt was dread). There’s a photo in existence of this great moment, but unfortunately it’s on my ex’s phone and I do not plan on ever speaking to him again, especially to ask for that photo. The ride back was an absolute disaster too, basically more ranting about crazy shit. It ended with them giving us [[business card]]s and saying we should hang out again, to which I obviously never took that offer up.}}

When a fan asked if Chris had kissed her, she replied:

{{quotebox|Hahah no thank god- just a cringey hug. Might have had to do with the fact someone else was there though, and I’m about 15 years younger. Thought I’m not sure that would stop them.}}

Chris also gifted a copy of his [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] comic.

===Richard Righteous===
'''Richard Bale''', known by his online handle '''Richard Righteous''',<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/orbiter-general-thread.75256/post-7145188</ref> is a person who designed merch and the logo for [[CWCville Shopping]]. He is the central theme of a TSSSF expansion pack Chris made titled ''[[A Righteous Rising]]''.

Active since 31 July 2018, Righteous keeps his face anonymous, wearing a {{w|Michael Myers (Halloween)|Michael Myers}} facemask with makeup (blue lids, pink cheeks, and red lips) and blonde hair on it.

<center><gallery>
File:R. Righteous.jpg|Righteous is often seen wearing a Michael Myers facemask when in public and/or on social media.
File:Richard Bale.png|Bale without the mask. Note the [[Creepy stare|familiar look in his eyes]] and the [[obesity|double chin]].
</gallery></center>

===ViviChu===

[[File:Vivichu sonichu-min.jpg|thumb|200px|ViviChu's [[OC]], which Chris made in [[TSSSF]] form.]]

'''ViviChu''' is an enabler who appeared on Twitter and Discord in [[2018]]. She ran a Discord server which Chris joined in September 2018.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-2018-chris-joins-a-fans-discord.47701/</ref>



==Financial==
{{See also|Enablers#Financial enablers}}
{{Protip|Most financial enablers (those who ''just'' give him money) need only be cataloged in the sister article. Those here have gone beyond that: speaking with Chris and trying to influence him.}}

===Aly Hirschberg===
{{Transgender|FTM}}
{{quote|Christine is actually paying bills and stuff. The money I give her at least hasn't gone to waste, she uses my money I give for gas, electricity, car fuel, food, all the necessary essentials.|Hirschberg, February 2020,<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5985046 Money goes to "necessary essentials", 7 February 2020]</ref> justifying her financial enabling as freeing Chris's [[monthly tugboat]] to spend on toys instead}}

{{quote|Has he ever thanked you, or offer gratitude in any way?|A fan's question for Hirschberg}}

{{quote|No which is why I hardly talk to her.|Hirschberg's reply, August 2020.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aly-hirschberg-alan-christopher.60596/post-7085596</ref>}}

[[File:Alan.JPG|thumb|200px|Alan Hirschberg]]

'''Aly Michelle Hirschberg''',<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5423984 Alan's real name and gender confirmed, 5 October 2019]</ref> also known by her [[tomgirl|transgender]] byname '''Alan Christopher''', is a mentally disturbed<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5482182 Interview with Hirschberg, 19 October 2019]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5510526 Interview with Hirschberg, 25 October 2019]</ref> [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|Scottish]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Jew]] living in England who emerged in mid-[[2019]] and believes herself to be Chris's best friend.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5741203 Details on Hirschberg's plans, 19 December 2019]</ref> She is one of Chris's financial benefactors, and has even claimed to be his primary donor responsible for mitigating the [[Financhu Crisis]],<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5858020 Hirschberg describes her motives, 13 January 2020]</ref> though Chris has denied this.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chandlers-sued-for-debt-megathread.55045/post-5947111 Chris repudiates Aly, 31 January 2020]</ref> She has also set up abortive fundraisers to send Chris (and, for a time, [[Jacob Sockness]]) on a world tour,<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/ Meet the Creep Behind Chris Chan's Fundraisers, 16 September 2019]</ref> which Chris repurposed to support his ''[[My Little Pony]]'' obsession.<ref>[[October 2019 social media posts#Fundraiser for BABSCon|Chris earmarks Hirschberg's world tour fundraiser for BABScon, 6 October 2019]]</ref>

Hirschberg and Chris have known each other since the Classic era: as early as [[2008]], they would exchange letters which contents have not yet been divulged.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5700309 External confirmation of Hirschberg's antiquity]</ref> She has also spent several thousand dollars on his [[Etsy]] and [[eBay]] offerings before these [[Chris and business|ventures]] were shut down. She is apparently truly convinced that the [[Dimensional Merge]] and [[CWCville]] are [[Chris and reality|real]], and that [[Jacob Sockness]]'s sorcery is really effective. Other than as a tool to solicit funds on Twitter in [[October 2019]], she has had no substantial interactions with Chris in public.

In August 2020, Hirschberg stated that her donations have decreased to occasional gifts, mainly in the form of [[PSN]] game credits (which Chris didn't bother to use).<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aly-hirschberg-alan-christopher.60596/page-24</ref>

===Jack Jankowski===

'''Jack Jankowski''', aka '''Jack Z''',<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jack-z-jack-jankowski-gave-chris-1-200-for-bronycon-wants-to-hang-out-with-him-there.42041/page-23#post-3284412</ref> gave Chris $1,200 in April 2018 for a luxury trip to the 2018 [[BronyCon]] in the hopes that he and his friends would get to meet him there<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jack-z-gave-chris-1-200-for-bronycon-wants-to-hang-out-with-him-there.42041/page-4#post-3273576</ref> and convince Chris to be interviewed on their YouTube channel.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jack-z-jack-jankowski-gave-chris-1-200-for-bronycon-wants-to-hang-out-with-him-there.42041/page-4#post-3273749</ref> Chris thanked him for the money in [[I have been paid to go; we’ll see if I can go (Seriously To Be Determined)]]. However, the money ended up going to the [[Idea Guys]] due to their alleged extortion.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/confession.65532/</ref>

Jack paid $100 for a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|video (which Chris decided to bookend with unrelated begging announcements)]].

Jack also tried to use the lore from ''{{w|Jojo's Bizarre Adventure}}'' to influence Chris, claiming that series antagonist {{w|Dio Brando}} was trolling him. However, Chris consulted the Idea Guys, who told him that Jack was a troll.<ref>[[Cryzel Torture]]</ref>

Jack also stated that he'd been involved with the [[Prank calls#Liquid Bob calls Bob|Liquid Bob]] call several years prior.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jack-z-jack-jankowski-gave-chris-1-200-for-bronycon-wants-to-hang-out-with-him-there.42041/post-3274429</ref>

===Miss Cherry===
{{Transgender|MTF}}
[[File:Danielle Stone.png|thumb|200px|Miss Cherry]]

'''Miss Cherry''', birth name '''Daniel Stone''',<ref>According to [[The Captain]], [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/miss-cherry-tried-pretending-to-be-chriss-gf-pledged-1-000-to-him.45747/post-3586570 here]</ref> is an Australian [[hermaphrodite|trans woman]] who spent <abbr title="Australian: equivalent ~$1000 US.">AU$1500</abbr> of his mother's money in a failed bid at becoming Chris's first [[Love Quest|sweetheart]] in the [[Idea Guys]]' wake. On 20 [[July 2018]], he pledged $589 to Chris's [[Patreon]], as a means of getting Chris's attention by being the first to hit his monthly goal and referring to himself as his number one fan and his newest sweetheart.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/miss-cherry-tried-pretending-to-be-chriss-gf-pledged-1-000-to-him.45747/</ref> However, Chris simply took the money and disputed his claim of being in a relationship with him, partially doxing him as well:

{{quote|Oh. you're a good patron, I appreciate your support, but [[DoopieDoOver|You and I are NOT Lovers]], Cherry Stone.}}

In response, Stone doubled down by increasing the pledge amount to $1,000.<ref>https://archive.fo/mqzyT</ref> On 23 July, Chris posted to Twitter about the good fortune of getting the money, as he needed it to fund his car repairs as his Plan A for getting to [[BronyCon]]. In doing so, he doxed Stone fully.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20200222031501/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1021436370768867329</ref> That Chris appeared annoyed at Miss Cherry claiming to be in a relationship with him is interesting, considering that [[Chris and hypocrisy|he has done the same thing]] to [[Megan Schroeder|many]] [[The Wallflower|women]] in the past. Stone discontinued his pledge on the next day;<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/miss-cherry-tried-pretending-to-be-chriss-gf-pledged-1-000-to-him.45747/page-13#post-3594892</ref> however, as Chris had set his Patreon to upfront charging,<ref>[[September 2017 Patreon posts]]</ref> the money remained with Chris. Miss Cherry faded into obscurity, broke and broken-hearted.

===James Lewis Martin===
[[File:William Robinson.jpg|thumb|200px|One of Martin's pictures that he had volunteered on [[Kiwi Farms]].]]

{{quote|Giving Christine money for food, petrol, gas, electricity isn't enabling.|Martin, defending his enabling.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aly-hirschberg-alan-christopher.60596/post-6258328</ref>}}

'''James Lewis Martin''', also known as '''William Robinson''' or '''CPU Byzantium Heart''',<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/william-robinson-christopher-stokes-gaming-samurai-king.68238/</ref> was an [[autism|autistic]] Polish Englishman and Hirschberg's friend. Like with Hirschberg, he was also giving Chris money and affirmation over his fantasy world by pretending to be a fellow [[CPU]] god.<ref>https://twitter.com/ByzantiumHeart/with_replies Archive: http://archive.fo/9qq4P</ref> Robinson also believed that he should give Chris his mother's money to keep him from going homeless and to fund his other expenses,<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/william-robinson-james-lewis-martin-christopher-stokes-gaming-samurai-king.68238/post-6306934 Martin's funds come from his mother, 17 April 2020]</ref> ignoring the fact that Chris's [[monthly tugboat]] already covers these and that Chris spends any donations on frivolities such as printing up [[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder|TSSSF]] cards and buying [[magic stones]]. Martin also tried to send his aunt, a social worker, to Chris's house to give him even more help,<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aly-hirschberg-alan-christopher.60596/post-6250681</ref> but Chris refused to answer the door, thinking the social worker was there to have him committed to a mental institution.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aly-hirschberg-alan-christopher.60596/post-6252776</ref> His parents discovered him online (against [[Bob Walks In|family restrictions]]) after a failed [[white knight]]ing crusade on [[Kiwi Farms]], which resulted in him becoming a <abbr title="One who exposes himself freely on Kiwi Farms.">''halal'' lolcow</abbr>, and bungled [[Chris and death|suicide attempt]], and revoked his Internet privileges. In [[June 2020]], Martin committed suicide following a bout of depression.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/william-robinson-james-lewis-martin-christopher-stokes-gaming-samurai-king.68238/post-6743199</ref>

===Ren Ryghts===
{{quote|I’m the jackass who trolled the #Persona fanbase by getting Chris to play the game and a create a drawing.|Ren<ref>https://x.com/RyghteousRen99/status/1792344876811686042 ([https://ghostarchive.org/archive/ejiiV archive])</ref>}}
[[File:OfficialCWCmart - Persona commission.jpg|thumb|200px|A $275 commission.]]
[[File:Persona 5 commission 26Nov2024.jpg|thumb|200px|Another commission of ''Persona 5'']]
'''Ren Ryghts ⚡️💙⚡️''', also known as '''RenDevoteeOfCWC''', is an enabler who began tweeting to Chris in late [[December 2023]], following Chris's post-jail return to [[Twitter]]. Ren styles his Twitter profile in a way designed to appeal to Chris - the username references ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'' and uses emoticons which Chris also likes to use as his signature. Ren also spends time [[White-Knighting]] for Chris. He is most known for buying commissions of ''[[Persona]]'' from Chris.

On 29 [[December 2023]], Ren mailed to Chris a copy of the video game ''Persona 5 Royal'',<ref>https://twitter.com/RenDevoteeOfCWC/status/1740781058700804501 ([https://archive.fo/2USac archive])</ref> which arrived on 7 [[January 2024]].<ref>https://twitter.com/RenDevoteeOfCWC/status/1744187881181311324 ([https://archive.fo/GSQFR archive])</ref> Chris subsequently played it in [[Popular Request Game Stream]].

Chris first responded to one of Ren's tweets on 15 [[January 2024]], when he dismissed advice from Ren not to feed a troll.<ref>[[January 2024 social media posts#Hitler]]</ref> On 18-19 January, he also replied to Ren's DMs asking about dimensions.<ref>[[Ren Ryghts DMs‎]]</ref>

At some point in time, Ren [[OfficialCWCmart commissions|commissioned]] a Persona 3 themed art piece. Ren has also bought a [[OfficialCWCmart#Handmade Sonichu Medallion, WITH MEGASTONE|medallion]].<ref>https://archive.is/2AfIj</ref>

At an unknown point, Ren deleted his Twitter account. Ren created a new Twitter account in [[April 2024]], and would backtrack and announce his "retirement" from enabling Chris in [[May 2024]].<ref>https://archive.is/GJTpW</ref><ref>https://archive.is/apn4r</ref>

In [[November 2024]], when asked about what happened to Ren, Chris made a remark about "a fun memory" and said he hasn't been in touch with him that much.<ref>[[Jesus Christ Chan - Shadow Generations Speed Run]]</ref>

In [[December 2024]], Ren released another commissioned drawing on [[Bluesky]] of ''Persona 5'' characters.<ref>https://bsky.app/profile/ryghteousren99.bsky.social/post/3lbxxgf36uk2f ([https://archive.fo/h9Sna archive])</ref><ref>https://bsky.app/profile/ryghteousren99.bsky.social/post/3lco65hmkfs2g ([https://archive.fo/ujT2N archive])</ref>

===Sarah and Steven===
[[File:Sarahchu.jpg|thumb|Sarahchu]]
{{quote|Remember, if you are ever in trouble or need help (before we're able to move) just message us first! I'm afraid other people could not be very trusted.|Part of a message Sarah and Steve wrote to Chris.}}
[[File:SnSoverit.png|thumb|150px|left|Let this be a lesson to all would-be enablers.]]

'''Sarah and Steven''' were a pair of half-hearted enablers, working jointly, who first appeared in [[February 2019]] when they discussed a [[Rosechu]] [[medallion]] with Chris, as well as the possibility of meeting him in person, on Twitter.<ref>[[:File:Sarah and Steve ask permission to make medallion.jpg|Sarah and Steven's first appearance, 27 February 2019]]</ref> They had bought a [[Nintendo Switch]] for Chris and supported him on Patreon, yet their attempts to keep themselves anonymous and out of public view were derailed by Chris himself when he [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)|filmed himself with the new console and revealed their secret plans]] to move to [[Virginia]] and isolate Chris from other contacts to make him dependent upon them. After this, they disappeared for a month, setting a trend that would mark a pattern in all future cycles of interactions with Chris.

In [[May 2019]], Sarah and Steven returned, professing themselves as believers in Chris's [[Chris and his ego|personality cult]],<ref>http://archive.fo/rc9aN</ref> and again sought to malign him against the [[Guard Dogs]] by presenting themselves as exclusively trustworthy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File_talk:Sarah_and_Steve_DM_messages_1.png</ref> After several of their private discussions were leaked onto [[Kiwi Farms]],<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-1060#post-4782445</ref> they abandoned course again and lamented that they were swindled out of the money they had freely given Chris in their bid for influence over him; their relationship with Chris further deteriorated,<ref>[[:File:SNSjuly23rd2.png]][[:File:SNSjuly23rd3.png]]</ref> and he finally cast them aside on 25 [[July 2019]], when they raised the question of what would happen should they dare question any of Chris's teachings or beliefs.<ref>[[:File:SNSunfollowed.png]]</ref> Further attempts to reach Chris by endorsing [[Jacob Sockness]], in both [[August 2019|August]] and [[October 2019]],<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-1149#post-5140617 Random Chris updates, page 1149]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-11-3-sockness-manipulating-chris-to-trust-only-him-chris-turns-against-null.62825/ Thread on Sockness's attempts to isolate Chris, 3 November 2019]</ref> have to date all ended in failure.

In [[March 2021]], Chris revealed their OC, called Sarahchu, born from a Lopunny Pokémon and a [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]; she is a part-poison type.

===William Waterman===
{{Autistic}}
{{quote|Do you Ever Stop?|[[Chris]], annoyed at Waterman constantly posting comments on his Facebook updates}}

[[Image:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Waterman, a.k.a. VikingBoyBilly]]

'''William Elliott Waterman''' was a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] during the mid 2010s, known for making many comments of support, occasional advice, and [[autism|off-topic remarks]] on Chris's posts, and for being repeatedly unfriended. He has also purchased artwork from Chris, including [[Sonichu 0|the first issue of ''Sonichu'']] and has been a supporter on [[Patreon]].

Chris and Waterman apparently met online, through Waterman's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. They never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with Waterman,<ref>[[August 2013 Facebook Posts#William Elliott Waterman's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref> despite him being [[JERKS|male]] and having [[Asperger syndrome]]. Waterman's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[May_2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref>

In [[November 2015]], Waterman tried to claim that Chris was under his control and would not make any more statuses or videos until the administration of [[Kiwi Farms]] gave into demands he made. Chris, refusing to be part of Waterman's retarded schemes, posted on Facebook that he had control over his own life,<ref>[[November_2015_Facebook_Posts#I_Control_My_Life|Facebook post]]</ref> and then promptly unfriended Waterman. By [[June 2016]], Waterman had wormed his way back into being re-added. Later that month, at Waterman's request, Chris began reading [[:Category:Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness|Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-9#post-1534383</ref><ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-reads-unicorns-rainbows-and-a-bluebird-of-happiness.21663/page-24#post-1563368</ref> Shortly after Chris had read chapter four of that fanfic, he unfriended Waterman again.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/7-9-yt-announcement_20160709.22293/page-7#post-1586578</ref> In [[Announcement 20160709]], Chris revealed that he was angry at "Mr. Bill" for suggesting that he read the story, which Chris found to be nonsensical. Three weeks later, Chris re-added him to his friend list again.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-7-28-tranny-status-updates.22924/page-3#post-1633317</ref> Days after he reappeared on Chris's Facebook comments section, Chris began a new series of fanfic-reading videos called [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]].

Waterman paid Chris to insert his [[OC]] [[Bananasauros]] into [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], where the character moves in with [[Punchy Sonichu]] and has sex with an opposite-gender clone. Chris apparently found Bananasauros so asinine he couldn't resist inserting his own criticisms into the comic. Despite being personally insulted by Chris in the very set of pages he had paid for, as well as on Patreon's comments section,<ref>[[July_2017_Patreon_posts#Ripping_off_MLP]]</ref> Waterman continued to be a loyal supporter, donating monthly to Chris for some time, though eventually ending his pledge.

With the revelation of Chris engaging in [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with his mother, Waterman declared on the former’s Facebook page that he was done with Chris.

==References==
<references/>
{{articleofthenow}}
{{Fantasies}}
{{People}}
[[Category:Chris's customers]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:People]]

Kiwi Farms

2025-07-01T19:15:08Z

Broseph:

:''This article is about the Kiwi Farms message board. For the original forum it expanded on and replaced, see [[CWCki Forums]]. For the Kiwi Farms splinter forum, see [[CWCki Club]].
{{quote|THANKS A LOT YOU GOD DAMNED BUNCH OF BASTARDOUS CHILDREN!!! Her Life Is Ruined!!! And It was My Fault for TRYING TO MAKE PEACE WITH YOU LOT!!! I Really Wish I Never Created THIS New Account and Tried to Reach Out!!!|[[Chris]], posting on Kiwi Farms during the [[Jessica Quinn]] saga<ref name="curse">[[Kiwi Farms posts (LegendaryChristorian)#I CURSE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ALL!!! To Hell, Back, Hell, Back, and Hell Again!!!]]</ref>}}

[[File:Kiwi farms logo.png|thumb]]
[[File:JailArt9-13-22.jpeg|thumb|Chris comments on the 'fall' of Kiwi Farms in September 2022]]

'''Kiwi Farms''' (also known as '''KF''', '''The Farms''' and '''Kiwi'''), is a gossip forum which focuses on lolcows (people and groups whose eccentric or foolish behavior can be "milked" for amusement and laughs) in general and not just Chris. It is owned and managed by [[Null|Joshua "Null" Moon]], who had taken over hosting of the [[CWCki Forums]] before rebranding it into Kiwi Farms in [[February 2015]]. The new name came from [[speech impediment|the way several lolcows mispronounced "CWCki Forums"]].

For reasons unrelated to Chris, the forum has become extremely controversial in recent years and was frequently a target of {{w|Denial-of-service attack|DDoS}} attacks and deplatforming efforts by [[Keffals|terminally online]] [[transgender|trannies]]. In the early [[2020s]], it found itself getting yanked on and off the {{w|Clearnet (networking)|Clearnet}} and between different domain names, but remained consistently accessible via {{w|Tor (network)|Tor}}. More recently, however, the site has proven more stable and has remained consistently accessible on the Clearnet.

==Chris's forum account==
[[File:CWC Kiwi Farms avatar.jpg|thumb|Chris's forum avatar.]]
On 4 October 2017, a user going by the name "LegendaryChristorian" began a thread on the Christian Weston Chandler board on the forum. While a few speculated about it being a [[ween]], [[Null]], the head admin, quickly confirmed that it was indeed Chris.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Null)#Confirming LegendaryChristorian]]</ref> Under this account, Chris received questions to which he responded in a [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1‎‎|livestreamed Q&A video]].

His motivation for joining and holding the Q&A was to reach out to trolls and try to satiate their curiosity about his life by answering their questions, in the hopes that they wouldn't bother [[Jessica Quinn]].<ref>[[Misc texts#Desiree Delightful]]</ref> However, since Quinn was herself a troll, the interaction with the Farms instead proved instrumental in her breaking up with Chris on 5 October, after which he made a final, angry post on the forum before cursing it in [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|another video]].
===Posts===
{{main|Kiwi Farms posts (LegendaryChristorian)}}

===DMs===
On 16 [[July 2020]], Chris logged into his Kiwi Farms account and had a conversation with [[Null]]. Chris, wanting to role-play, rambled for paragraphs on being possessed by Sonichu, lore involving [[Jacob Sockness]], and the [[Iron Curtain]]. Null replied that he would not be playing along with the game.<ref>[[Null DMs#Chris wants to role-play]]</ref>

===Lurking===
{{quote|Chris doesn't read your posts|A somewhat inaccurate line from the forum guidelines.}}
[[File:CWC - Kiwi Farms login 26 Dec 2020.png|thumb|200px|Chris logging in to view a thread in December 2020.]]
Much like with the [[CWCki Forums]], Chris has occasionally been known to lurk on Kiwi Farms.

In [[May 2015]], after posting some photos to Facebook showing what he believed to be progress on his gender transition, Chris viewed the forum thread on it and was elated when a user commented "he looks like a D cup now".<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Chris Takes Hormones]]</ref>

In [[August 2017]], Chris, feeling refreshed after his trip to [[BronyCon]], browsed the thread on it. On Facebook, he made a few posts responding to commentary and thanking users for featuring his photos.<ref>[[August 2017 Facebook posts#Good joke]]</ref> In the same month, he referred to the Random Chris Updates thread to help prove a ween was trying to impersonate [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]].<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#Outsmarted a ween, with help of Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

In [[October 2017]], Chris stated that he believed [[Jessica Quinn]] was not a troll because conversations between them hadn't been leaked, and he specified that he had not seen any such leaks on the Farms.<ref>[[Jessica Quinn#Not quite over her]]</ref>

In [[January 2019]], a Kiwi Farms thread was posted, in which logs from [[The Sons of the Miscreants]] Discord server were attached showing [[MKRNightVee]] making fun of Chris and coordinating with server members on how to approach Chris through his ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'' delusions. [[Tings Tingz]] DM'd Chris and attempted to warn him of MKR's comments, linked him to the thread, and urged him to cut ties with her. However, Chris disregarded the warning, complaining, "My head hurts."<ref>[[Tings Tingz DMs#Pre-Block Chats]]</ref>

On 4 [[December 2020]], Chris logged in to search for ''[[SNT Vs Sonichu]]'' fanfic writer [[Opuscon789]]'s posts and read them, since he had been harboring a grudge against Opuscon789 over the direction of the fanfic. Chris also tried to see if [[ProjectSNT]], an artist he was obsessing over, had a Kiwi Farms account but found she did not.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT#Browsing Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

On 26 [[December 2020]], Chris logged in to view a thread on Kiwi Farms member blank's fancomic ''The Real Sonichu'', at [[Naught]]'s recommendation.<ref>[[The Place chats (December 2020)#The Real Sonichu Fancomic]]</ref>

===Forum ratings===
[[File:Chris rating doopie's posts.png |thumb]]

Chris rated several of [[DoopieDoOver]]'s posts from the end of the [[Jessica Quinn]] saga, the only ones he has rated so far.

*Like

{{quoteboxgreen|at least that would be more interesting than this god damned shitfest<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sorry-ill-take-you-back-10-06-2017.34971/page-12#post-2657767</ref>}}

*Like

{{quoteboxgreen|I know I said I wouldn't come back and post, but this whole saga is really upsetting me. While I don't agree with a lot of the trolling and fucking with him for the lulz, this is going too far. Even if it's supposed to be a "troll", this is pretty fucked up and it hurts to watch. I can't stand to see someone with a disability be emotionally abused and manipulated like this. [[Jessica Quinn|She]]'s not even a funny troll. She could have at least gone on the date they planned, but she dipped out because she's a pussy.

I actually really feel bad for Chris.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/2657755/</ref>}}

*Optimistic

{{quoteboxgreen|At this point, do you really think he's capable of growing and learning?<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sorry-ill-take-you-back-10-06-2017.34971/page-12#post-2657780</ref>}}

==Other mentions by Chris==
On 6 [[December 2020]], in [[The Place]], Chris laid out a scheme to manipulate [[Opuscon789]] into revising ''[[SNT Vs Sonichu]]'' towards Chris's favor. He asked [[MKRNightVee]] to contact Opuscon, hoping she would then influence his writing. Chris considered that MKR might "be putting yourself at risk of being further bullied by the other Haters and taunted on the Kiwi, and whatever", but believed he would be able to exploit his relationship with Kiwi Farms owner [[Null]], adding, "Although, all of you are already reading on the Kiwi and know Josh, so he’s kind of a buffer shield."<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Scheming against Opuscon and his fanfic]]</ref> This plan did not materialize, since [[Naught]] decided to attempt to harass Opuscon via Kiwi Farms DMs instead.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Dox of Opuscon]]</ref>

On 13 [[September 2022]]. Chris drew a [[Jail Art]] comic depicting a fenced-off Kiwi Farms, a reference to the deplatform campaign against the forum at the time. In a speech bubble, Chris calls Kiwi Farms a "left behind cesspool".<ref>[[:File:JailArt9-13-22.jpeg]]</ref>

In [[The Chris Chan Interview]] from 16 [[January 2024]], Chris thanked host [[Keffals]] for taking Kiwi Farms down a "massive peg", again referencing the deplatform campaign which Keffals had helped lead.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:KiwiFarmsTShirt.jpg|Art commission of Chris in a Kiwi Farms shirt, drawn for the [[Everfree Northwest]] fundraiser.
File:NotBradGarrett.jpg|Another commission drawing of Chris wearing the Kiwi Farms logo.
File:Kiwi Farms Gardening.jpg|Commission drawing of [[Null]]'s forum avatar and Chris-assigned ponysona.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE]]
* [[CWCki Club]]
* [[CWCki Forums]]
* [[Kiwi Farms silver coin]]
* [[Guard Dogs]]
* [[Null]]

{{references}}

==External links==
*[https://kiwifarms.st/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ The Chris subforum on the Kiwi Farms]
*[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_Farms Wikipedia article about the Kiwi Farms]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category: Websites]]

Vanessa Hudgens

2025-07-01T18:36:19Z

Broseph:

{{Troll|She and [[Lori Lopez]] were played by [[Joshua Martinez]].}}

{{Quote|I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an [[Honest Content|honest]], very close [[gal pal|Gal-Pal]], and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.|[[Chris]], delusional and [[naïve]] as ever<ref>[[User:Apostrophe/Chris-Chan talk]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Vanessa Hudgens
| image = [[Image:Vanessathumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Vanessa Anne Hudgens
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 14 December 1988 (age {{age|1988|14|12}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White, [[Punchy|Asian]]
|label7 = Occupation
|data7 = Actress Singer
|label8 = Saga
|data8. = {{saga|vanessa|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Vanessa Anne Hudgens''' is an American actress and singer best known for her work in ''{{w|High School Musical}}'' and for taking [[nudes|nude]] pictures of herself. She was incredibly popular among both 9-year-old girls and autistic manchildren prior to her popularity completely fizzling out due to several scandals over leaked nudes.

[[Joshua Martinez]] used her identity to troll Chris in [[April 2009|April]] and [[May 2009]]. Chris, being the [[Chris and his ego|humble]] guy that he is, [[Chris and reality|found it absolutely reasonable]] that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in a [[Obesity|fat]] manchild like him.

Since "Vanessa" told Chris she had written her own [[Wikipedia]] biography, Chris felt that he had a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|righteous claim]] to do so as well. On 5 [[June 2009]], after failing at his attempt to write his own [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]], Chris tried to get a section on his supposed relationship with Vanessa Hudgens added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusays[[Barack Obama|yeswecan]], Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."<ref>[https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Vanessa_Hudgens&diff=prev&oldid=294482098 Vanessa Hudgens Talk Page Edit]</ref> His request was ignored.

In [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] (12 [[August 2009]]), he admitted that he had finally realized that he had not really been talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He added that "Vanessa" had always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him.

On 20 [[July 2013]], Chris wrote a review on his Facebook page about a movie Hudgens starred in, ''Spring Breakers''. In 2021, she played the main character in the ''[[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|My Little Pony: A New Generation]]'' film, a crime grave enough to warrant her being blocked on Twitter by Chris.<ref>[[February 2024 social media posts#Mass blocking of MLP G5 VAs]]</ref>

==The beginnings==
Chris got in contact with his old friend [[Joshua Martinez]] from [[James Madison University]] to [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] for smearing him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After a single email, Josh began to imitate Vanessa very poorly with disquieting success.

===Email to Joshua===
On 5 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologize for his reprehensible behavior in unnecessary detail , for the sole purpose of [[Chris and remorse|obtaining personal benefit]].

{{quotebox|Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *[[stress sigh|sigh]]* The day I was kicked out of [[Grace Baptist Church|that church]], my [[Bob Chandler|father]] accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my [[facebook]] (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, ''An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua.'' I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian.}}

After this email, Joshua would begin to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of conversations, using his own screen name for all except one.

[[File:ChriswVanessa.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVED.]]

==Ivy's Retelling==

A lot of the information about the Vanessa comes from Chris's other lover at the time, [[Ivy]]. She posted stories about Josh and Vanessa during the [[Ivy Q&A]]

{{quoteboxgreen|Around the same point Vanessa Hudgens appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ nudity. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.

Chris didn't trust Joshua Martinez, whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the JMU campus with a sign and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but Josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for money and would do this by going through Vanessa.

Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’s ps3. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to TGI Fridays. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this.
Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his fangs at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde…

At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris's dime, obviously.

Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the Charlottesville area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.

The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Josh had sold Chris a PSP with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.

While Josh was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him a bad check. Bob and Barb ended up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agreed ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms".

Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering the police’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a PSP, I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone.}}

==Videos for Vanessa==

Vanessa got Chris to make several embarrassing videos, under the guise of Chris needing to make an audition for her films. Of course, Chris never starred in any of these films.

===[[A CWC Audition]]===

Chris acts out a fake scenario, presumably intended for a movie about his life. Chris walks along with his girlfriend [[Ivy O'Neil]], singing about how jolly she makes him. Eventually, he professes his love to her and kisses a piece of paper representing her. Suddenly, [[Clyde Cash]] appears, and starts attacking Chris and Ivy. Chris gets in front of Ivy, and starts fighting Clyde, in reality punching and screaming at the air. He eventually beats Clyde, and Chris and Ivy live in peace.

===[[April_16_Fetish_Vids#How_NOT_to_Take_a_Shower|Shower Video]]===

Chris walks into the shower naked, and starts dancing with [[Ivy]] (who is once again, completely nonexistent).

===[[Power]]===

Three videos of Chris lifting 'heavy' objects such as his [[guitar]] and office chair, while making proclaimations about his strength.

===[[CWCFlyingElephants]]===

Possibly the most bizarre video Chris has ever made. The majority of it consists of Chris doing impressions and running around screaming, all while completely nude.

==Vanessa AIM Chats==
These chats were procured by [[CWCki]]pedian [[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]], as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.

===Chat 1===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 1}}

On 6 April 2009, Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris. In this chat, Chris tried to get Vanessa to give him a part in a movie. Toward that end, she talks him into doing [[A CWC Audition]]. In this chat, Chris talks about [[God and Jesus]] telling him that [[Ivy]] is his true [[sweetheart]], and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his [[biological clock]], which has since [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|broken]].

===Chat 2===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 2}}

Took place on 14 April 2009. Vanessa wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-[[hanky-panky]], showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and [[Family Guy|shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse]].

===Chat 3===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 3}}

Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened and manages to resist Vanessa's ham-handed attempts at seducing him. He claims not to remember who [[Blanca]] was, and admits that he would take a dildo up his ass for his [[Ivy|true love]].

===Chat 4===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 4}}

Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a [[gal-pal]]. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.

===Chat 5===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 5}}

Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.

===Chat 6===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 6}}

Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past [[Chris and the law|indiscretions]], discusses Ivy's influence on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', and describes his martial prowess.

===Chat 7===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 7}}

Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around the things he would shove up his rectum for her.

===Chat 8===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 8}}

Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade [[Snorlax]] to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting [[Clyde Cash]] locked up.

===Chat 9===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 9}}

Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two [[homos|gay guys]] with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible [[autism|failure]] of facial and body recognition.

==The Comeback==
[[File:Twitter - MassBlock - 3Feb2024 3.jpg|thumb|Yeah, that will show her!]]
After a long hiatus from the Christory, the real Vanessa had voiced Sunny Starscout, the main character of [[My Little Pony]]: A New Generation, the movie serving as the beginning of the [[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|Generation 5 of the franchise]]<ref>https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref><ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210630140143/https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref>, which made her a [[My Little Pony Protests|natural enemy of Chris]]. She was blocked by him in one of his mass blocking sprees during his #[[Russia]]IsMLPG5 actions. This is probably for the better, as otherwise Chris would learn of her becoming pregnant the next month<ref>https://www.vogue.com/article/vanessa-hudgens-pregnant-oscars-2024-red-carpet</ref>, which could shatter his [[Heart Level|heart level]] even further.

==See also==
* [[Lori Lopez]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* {{w|Vanessa Hudgens|Wikipedia article on Vanessa Hudgens}}

{{VanessaSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{succession|label=Vanessa Saga|prevlink=N/A|nextlink=[[Vanessa AIM Chat 1]]|}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hudgens, Vanessa}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Category:Millennial Generation]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Vanessa Saga]]

User:Broseph

2025-06-23T19:52:12Z

Broseph: /* Broseph */

== Broseph ==
Known as Nafka on IRC, I forgot my password for Nafka on this wiki. Whoops.
Just a Chris observer, and participant in the IRC and such. Friends with everyone.
I'd like to make a CWCville HL2 mod.

Edit: I am not Nafka on IRC, I don't know who wrote that shit. Who the fuck still uses IRC?

User:Broseph

2025-06-23T19:47:31Z

Broseph: /*Broseph */

User:Broseph

2025-06-23T19:46:43Z

Broseph:

== Nafka/Broseph ==
Known as Nafka on IRC, I forgot my password for Nafka on this wiki. Whoops.
Just a Chris observer, and participant in the IRC and such. Friends with everyone.
I'd like to make a CWCville HL2 mod.

Edit: I am not Nafka on IRC, I don't know who wrote that shit.

How to Talk to Girls

2025-06-23T19:44:35Z

Broseph: Changed syntax to past tense.

{{protip|Men are the magnets. Women are the metal.}}

[[Image:How-to-talk-to-girls-cover.jpg|right|thumb|200px|The book's cover.]]

'''''How to Talk to Girls''''' is a 2008 children's self-help book written by Alec Greven, who at the time of print was nine years old and has created an entire series of similar books. [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] purchased the book in early [[2009]] under the guidance of his [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] and the ''[[John Tesh]] Radio Show'', and in Chris's words is a "great book". The book itself is a guide on how to gain a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. It is not a good book for adults to take advice from, seeing as how each page is two or three short sentences long, and it's aimed at children around Alec's age. However, given that Chris is probably around Alec's age mentally, it seems only appropriate.

The advice given is quite simple: "The first thing you should say to a girl is hi" or [[Attraction Sign|"Don't act desperate, girls hate desperate boys"]]. Despite the simplicity, Chris believed that the book would help him get a girlfriend, regardless of the fact that keeping an older girlfriend is a lot harder to do than [[Pedofork|a nine-year-old one]]. What's more, most of Alec's points are null when it comes to grown adult women, especially ones around Chris's age who won't be swooned by a simple "hi" or "I like to draw, how 'bout you?". However, this does help to explain why Chris thinks that [[Episode_1#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|discussing one's favorite color]] is a romantic conversation.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], several concepts from the book are used in the [[dating education]] class.

{{clear}}

==Chris's views on magnets and metal==
Despite the fact that Chris has never had a girlfriend, he still disagrees with Alec about how men are the "magnets" and women are the "metals", insisting that it could go the other way around; that is, women can attract men, while men may play a passive role in courting. While he's not necessarily incorrect, this statement shows how poor Chris's grasp on traditional gender roles in modern Western society are, even when compared to a nine-year-old boy.

==See also==
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]
*[[Dating education]]
*[[Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Alec Greven|Wikipedia article on Alec Greven]]
*[http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Girls-Alec-Greven/dp/0061709999 The book on Amazon]

[[Category:Books]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Chloe

2025-06-17T21:55:33Z

Broseph:

{{Articleofthenow}}
''This page is about the fictional girlfriend. For the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] of the same name, see [[Chloe Rosechu]].''

{{infobox Person
| title = Chloe
| image = Chloe.jpg
| imagesize = 250px
| name = Chloe
|gender = Female
|nationality = American
|race = White
|spouse = [[Chris]]
|saga = {{saga|panda|cn}}
}}

'''Chloe''' is the made-up girlfriend that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] claimed to be seeing shortly after his break-up with [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]]. She was partially inspired by [[PandaHalo]], but was said to be a completely different person.

==Background==
In an [[Chris's_Sonichu_IRC_Chloe_Introduction|IRC chat]] in the wee hours of 26 [[October 2008]], Chris announced he had a new sweetheart named Chloe. He stated that he had met her in mid-September and started going out with her on 20 October 2008. This happened to be the day his medallions had been destroyed, and one day before he BAWWED in [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_October_21st%2C_2008|this video]], which raised suspicions as to why he would have been depressed about [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] if he had already met a new sweetheart. Supposedly, they ran into each other at the local [[GameStop]] while the both of them were preordering ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Chris alleged that he had his first date at Taco Bell, after which they "kissed deeply".

Chris said that Chloe was his "[[Sweetheart|VIRGIN-TAKER]]" and that she took his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] page "with a grain of salt".

Chloe was formally introduced in the [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_October_27th%2C_2008|Q&A video of 27 October 2008]], in which Chris nervously announced her existence. He announced that he would possibly be moving in with her after she got her own place.

==Aftermath==
{{Quote|I currently have no recollection of a Chloe.|Chris, probably being completely [[honest]].<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

Due to Chris's unreliable short-term memory, as well as inaction on the part of [[trolls]], after the 27 October video Chloe was never mentioned again. It was shortly discovered that Chris was talking mostly about Panda (and it would later be revealed on [[CWCipedia]] that Panda created a fan character named [[Chloe Rosechu]]<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>). However, he was never pressed on the fact that he was describing a woman who was a completely different entity than Panda, who he would later call his true sweetheart quite openly. Chloe was the first instance of Chris blatantly [[List of Chris's lies|lying]] about having a girlfriend, as opposed to his usual tactic of merely exaggerating the significance of an existing relationship. Say what you will about his relationship with [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] or [[the Wallflower]], at least they were actual people.

A little over a year later (10 December 2009), in [[Mailbag 13]], Chris claimed that he "had no recollection of a Chloe", even though she was supposedly the woman he had his first real kiss with.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris'_Sonichu_IRC_Chloe_Introduction|Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008]]
*[[Night Star]]

{{PandaSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]

4-cent garbage.com

2025-06-17T20:56:21Z

Broseph:

{{Honest}}

[[Image:4-cent garbage.png|thumb|200px|INTERNET AUTISTIC HATE MACHINE]]
[[File:SchuComic8P11.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Star Wars|''"4-cent garbage. Never will you find a more wretched hive of lulz and trolling."'']]]]

'''4-cent_garbage''' is [[Chris]]'s idea of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4chan. Since he blames ED for [[Megan Schroeder|breaking up the closest thing to a relationship that he ever had]], he must demonize it in his comics.

In the comics, it is depicted as a business based in a large 72 floor office building in which several hundred [[Trolls|employees]] work. Apparently, the business runs both a website and a magazine, the contents of which are unclear. The website seems to be analogous to the real life ED, having several articles on existing people, or at least mentioning them<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_30</ref> and a huge load of dickgirl images which are uploaded nearly constantly.

Jason's final speech in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], as well as Chris's ramblings in the Time Void, seem to indicate that any percieved inaccuracies in the articles or images hosted on the site are deliberate attempts to slander Chris and his Sonichus.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_31</ref> Why exactly Jason would wish to do this or [[Chris and his ego#Persecution complex|why he has chosen to target Chris]] is never addressed, but his presence at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] meeting in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]] seem to suggest that the company and all of its employees are a part of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s secret trolling cabal.

It is worth noting that this was the only actual [[parody]] that Chris ever created.

==Inspiration==

4chan is an internet forum with dozens of boards dedicated to both broad and niche topics, from [[anime]] to the [[Magical thinking|paranormal]], to [[Chris and art|art]] to [[Nudes|pornography]]. Well known as a platform full of trolls and homos, 4chan's place in Christory is short-lived but highly influential - and some of the first contact Chris ever had with trolls. In late 2007, members of the video games board took notice of Chris's comics and began creating satirical (largely pornographic) artwork based on ''Sonichu''. A collection of this art was sent to Chris by 4chan user Evan, provoking fury and the demand that Rosechu be drawn "masturbating and squirtin'", rather than with a massive penis. The email exchanges between Chris and Evan would peter out in the face of Encyclopedia Dramatica.

Encyclopedia Dramatica is a satirical [[Wikipedia]] with hundreds of articles on internet culture, personalities, and politics- all of which are written to be as offensive as possible. Just like 4chan, it is full of trolls and homos.

In [[2007]], while stoking his [[Chris and his ego|ego]], Chris discovered [[ED]]'s page satirizing him and [[Sonichu (comic)|his Sonichu comics]]. What really [[Family Guy|grinds his gears]] about the page was the "fan art" of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle|penis]]. Beginning 10 November 2007, Chris embarked on a quest to [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|make the website less scathing]] by uploading hideously drawn [[Rule 34]] of his little abominations (and [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Ryam]]), along with the infamous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] to his page.

Evan never mentioned that he was from 4chan, so Chris likely found out about the site through a message sent by a white-knight. An [[White knight e-mails#November 2007 .E2.80.94 ED alert|e-mail]] on 5 November 2007 attempted to alert him to the ED page, and referred to the article as being created and written by the same people making fun of Chris on 4chan's /v/ board. Whether he paid any attention to the message or not, what is known is that on [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#November 2007|12 November 2007]], Chris first acknowledged 4chan when he made another edit to the "Chris-chan" article:

{{quote|Christian Weston Chandler would like [[ED]] and 4chan to know the following: '''I will continue to Shove The True Facts From My Heart and Soul Down Your Throats, only until you take this WHOLE PAGE Down For Good.'''}}

From this, it can be reasonably assumed that Chris discovered 4chan and ED around the same time, and that he considered them to be essentially one and the same. Chris would continue his Sisyphean edit war against ED well into 2008, but ultimately, all he succeeded in doing was alienating [[Megan Schroeder]].

By [[2008#August|August 2008]], Chris was finishing [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], and he apparently felt the need to address these recent developments in the pages of his comic. Issue #7 opened with Megan as a supporting character in the story, but with the [[Megan Emails, 2008#Megan asks Chris to leave her alone again.2C attempts to talk sense into him|real Megan wanting nothing more to do with Chris]], he decided to write her out of the story. As for ED and 4chan, Chris would lump these two concepts together and dub them "4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com." The name is a slight mystery, because underscores (_) are not permitted in Internet domain names.

==Introduction: ''Sonichu'' #7==
''Sonichu'' #7 was the first issue of the series to be influenced by Chris's interactions with online [[trolls]]. While Chris didn't finish the comic until 20 August 2008, the events of the issue are all set in 2 November 2007, one day before the ED article was created. Just as past issues of ''Sonichu'' were very loosely based on Chris's real life, he must have wanted to acknowledge the conflict with ED/4chan and his estrangement from Megan in #7. But all of that happened ''after'' 2 November 2007.

Chris's solution was the [[Time Void]]; a poorly-defined realm where Chris's character would be trapped for the next two issues. While stranded in the Time Void, Chris would somehow experience events going on in his real life while the fictional events in the comics unfolded without him. Upon entering the Time Void, Chris found himself assaulted by "random...new memories...popping in...my head!" These were memories of things that happened after 2 November 2007, so Chris was essentially using the Time Void to "remember" the future. Along with fictional events like the [[Sonichu 9|Battle of CWCville]], Chris also experienced "memories" of [[Joshua Martinez]] setting him up with "[[Lori Lopez]]", and Megan "dumping" him via [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Megan is scarred by ShecameforCWC.JPG|e-mail]].

{{quote|Dumping me? But why?!! 4-cent_garbage_Magazine.com? Mocking me? Slanderous Filth?!!! A drawing of me and [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Meg-Chan]]... Intimate? And I drew that?!! She dumped me over that? Oh... that hurts! Still. Curse your 4-cent garbage!|Chris first mentions 4-cent_garbage in the Time Void, ''Sonichu'' #7}}

It became clear from this scene that once Chris escaped from the Time Void, he would do battle with 4-cent_Garbage as a proxy for ED and 4chan, just as he had battled [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] as proxies for those who interfered with his [[Love Quest]].

==Conflict with Sonichu and Rosechu: ''Sonichu'' #8==
[[Image:4-CENT-GARBAGE.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and his super cool pals in front of the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters]]
In the first part of ''Sonichu'' #8, "Rage Against the Garbage", 4-cent_garbage was formally introduced as a villainous organization dedicated to slandering people for the sake of amusement. (Note Chris's inability to differentiate between {{w|Defamation#Slander|slander}} and {{w|Defamation#Libel|libel}}, the former of which requires spoken words or real-life gestures, impossible for a website or magazine to do.) Rosechu discovers the site on 3 November 2007, which just happens to be the date that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] created the "Chris-chan" article on ED. The site's content includes a page that slanders Sonichu, Chris, and her, along with "lifelike" drawings of Rosechu with a [[pickle]]. While Sonichu is overcome with the [[stress]] of seeing his mate depicted with a penis, Rosechu decides to fight fire with fire by editing the site, just as Chris had tried in real life. She crawls into her [[April 16 Fetish Vids|dirty, mildew-laden bathroom]] and takes pictures of herself in the [[nudes|nude]], and then uploads them onto the 4-cent website. However 4-cent_garbage simply adds more dickgirl pictures, and she realizes that her plan will never work.

Instead, she travels with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Wild]] to 4-cent_garbage's headquarters in {{w|Clarksville, Tennessee}}, to confront the leader of the organization. While Wild sneaks into the building in search of one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], Sonichu and Rosechu take the elevator to the top floor, and meet [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and his 17-year old "womanslave" [[Kathleen]], who had previously cameoed in issue #7. The meeting is civil at first, but when Jason refuses to take down the "Chris-chan" page, Sonichu tries to fight him, and loses. Rosechu fares better as [[The Incredible Lioness]], having [[Chris and the law|inflicted wounds that would have killed a normal man]] in fact, but the page remains up, and their mission is ultimately a failure.

==The Fall of 4-cent_garbage: ''Sonichu'' #10==
[[File:Jason's Hexbox.jpg|thumb|Jason plots against Chris with his [[HEXBox]].]]
Upon Chris's return from the Time Void on 9 [[August 2007]], he immediately coordinates an attack on the 4-cent_garbage HQ, ordering Sonichu, Wild, [[Black Sonichu]], [[Punchy Sonichu]], and [[Son-Chu]] to meet him in front of the building. Chris arrives first as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and Jason and [[Beel]] lay a trap for him and try to steal his [[medallion]]. However, Chris discovers that the TRUE AND HONEST source of his Anchuent powers is his [[high school ring]], which he uses to retrieve the Medallion and free himself.

Later, when Chris's allies arrive, he orders Son-Chu to transform into a sound stage for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]. Using the [[Gitar of Fail]], Chris then leads the band in a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]], and the intense power of their music begins to shake the building apart. Inside, Jason converts his throne into an escape pod, and flees with Kathleen, leaving the others behind. Jason declares that he is retiring from trolling, in order to settle down with Kathleen and live a normal life. Chris also takes the time to use Jason as a mouthpiece to condemn [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for "slandering and torturing and innocent man", [[Hypocrisy|even though that was what Jason was supposedly doing not two issues ago]]. Beel meanwhile decides to take shelter in the basement, explaining that he could not be killed and would simply be reassigned to [[Count Graduon]] once the building was destroyed, and Clyde and Jack, alone on the top floor and with no way out, choose to commit suicide by leaping down the elevator shaft together just as the building collapses, refusing to let themselves be killed by Chris.

[[Twin Falling Towers|The building then gives way and collapses, with 1,500 people still alive inside.]]

[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] reports that of the 1,500 people who were in the building...
*500 were "[[Chris and reality|prefectly [sic] unharmed]]".
*250 were too drunk to escape on their own.
:*125 of these drunk trolls managed to get out alive with help from sober trolls.
:*125 of the drunk trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*125 sober trolls were hurt, injured or killed.
*250 others were injured.
*150 others were "safe but hurt".
*100 were killed.

[[Honor roll|Note that this only accounts for 1,375 people.]]

Despite having just destroyed a building and killed between 100-350 innocent people, not to mention the injuries of at least 650 others, Chris then calls for the ambulances himself while he and his team of recolors help to rescue the survivors that they themselves had nearly killed. Afterwards, Chris then [[Chris and remorse|weeps for the victims of his own mass murder]], whilst also maintaining that it was [[Chris and his ego|the trolls' faults they were killed, because they made fun of him on the internet]].

Supposedly, destroying 4-cent_garbage's headquarters disabled its website as well, along with Encylcopedia Dramatica's website, such that both sites' data was irrevocably lost, and neither would ever be restored.

==The 4-cent_garbage building==
4-cent_garbage appears to be a multimedia operation, with a website and a print magazine operated from a brick-and-mortar building in Clarksville, Tennessee. The location of the building is probably intended to refer to where the real Jason lives, or at least where Chris ''thinks'' he lives.

The 4-cent_garbage building is 72 stories tall (66+6, as described by [[Beel]]), and the interior is painted bright red to resemble [[CWCville|Hell]]. On the ground floor, Beel sits at the receptionist desk and directs visitors to an elevator on the far side of the atrium. Employees are seen on several higher floors drinking an alcoholic beverage called "[[Reeb]]", and passing out on the floor when their shift is over. Their work seems to involve sitting at computer terminals, uploading and editing images of Chris and his characters.

On the 72nd floor, Jason Kendrick Howell holds court with his womanslave Kathleen at his side. It is unknown where Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus were stationed in the building, or what their jobs were before the building's destruction.

Security in the building was incredibly lax. [[Wild Sonichu]] turned invisible to sneak into the upper floors in search of a [[Sonichu Ball]], only to find it left on a desk. Once he took the ball, his invisibility wore off, but he was still able to slip back out of the building unnoticed.

===The elevator gags===
[[Image:SchuRchuReactions1.jpg|thumb|Planning? In MY ''Sonichu''? It's less likely than you think.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-B.jpg|thumb|What is this, I don't even.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|thumb|That's right, the entire White House is on the 51st floor.]]
[[File:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg|thumb|Chris's favorite pictures from ED. Take special note of the [[pedofork|first and last ones]].]]
A large part of "Rage Against the Garbage" features Sonichu and Rosechu exploring different floors in the 4-cent_garbage Building. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at so many different floors to look around at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever is depicted, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason.

This appears to have been one of Chris's attempts to employ some of his trademark [[random-access humor]], by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not. In some strange attempt at foreshadowing, Chris located these images on ED and then put them on his user page while he was still trying to edit the site.

{{quote|You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough.|Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in ''Sonichu'' #8.}}

Whatever his reasons, Chris seemed to believe that using images from ED in one of his comics would somehow be a big deal. The floors used in the comic are listed below, along with a description of what Chris put on each one.

*2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent_garbage.com employees passed out drunk at their workstations. When one of them recovers from his hangover and gets up, he relieves the only other conscious employee of his shift and takes over. The relieved guard then drinks a can of "[[Alcohol|Reeb]]" and passes out on the floor like the others, while Sonichu and Rosechu look on from the elevator and [[sigh]].
*3rd floor: [[Pedofork|Pedobear]] in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
*4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "[http://encyclopediadramatica.online/Sonicrocksmysocks Sonicrocksmysocks]", from the ED article of the same name.
*7th floor: A 4-cent_garbage.com employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
*8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent_garbage.com employee working on a picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
*9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu sucking Rosechu's penis.
*10th floor: Chris emerges from the [[Time Void]] to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
*11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by [http://encyclopediadramatica.online/Branca Branca], a batshit insane fan of the animated band {{w|Gorillaz}}. Sonichu considers it to be sad.
*12th floor: Fanart of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu [[naïve]]ly wonders when he became so popular.
*13th floor: Female versions of [[Sonic]], Tails, and Knuckles. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
*14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
*21st floor: {{w|The Bathers (Cézanne)|''Les Grandes Baigneuses''}} an 1887 painting by {{w|Paul Cézanne}}. ED has a copy of the image which has been edited with captions to reference the "Branca" article on ED.
*22nd floor: ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
*23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asscheeks, as if for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's ''[[Pokémon]]'' article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
*24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
*33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's ''[[Transformers]]'' page.
*34th floor: Sonic/Amy Rose Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position suspiciously similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu earlier in the issue.
*35th floor: Nude artwork of Amy Rose, Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Rabbit [[Pedofork|(who is 6 years old.)]] Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
*36th floor: Strip poker game featuring various female characters from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]''. The image has been adapted into a parody of a ''Magic: The Gathering'' Card.
*51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton, looking on while [[Barack Obama]] paints the walls black. [[George W. Bush]] cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father [[Bob Chandler]] came up with this "joke." Recall that this story is set in the fall of ''[[2007]]'', so the joke really makes no sense for that year.
*61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from ''Animaniacs''. '''NOTE:''' In the cartoon ''Animaniacs'' the character Dot Warner is 9 years old.
*62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from ''[[Family Guy]]''.
*63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Starmie, from ''[[Pokémon]]''. Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
*69th floor: Image of "XBOX 360-ko", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the Xbox 360. As the following floor features an Xbox 360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women. This was later changed to a ramble about the purpose of the building and about the trolls in general.
*70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an Xbox 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women. This was later changed to a drawing of a sad troll admitting that Chris is right about the previous floor.
*71st floor: [[PS3]] message congratulating whoever murdered the HEXBox. It states that you may "now play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single Xbox somehow interfered with such activity. This was later changed to an achievement for exposing all the trolls.

Note that it is never addressed whether or not the images such as the Rule 34 depicted here are really just drawings on a computer or poster in the building, or if they have a physical presence. However, the fact that Sonichu cheers on Sonic as he has sex with Amy Rose suggests that they are really there.

===Business and Staff===
{{quote|I am a troll with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance ''[sic]''. The page will stay up; this meeting is over!|Jason Kendrick Howell, responding to Sonichu's request to remove the "Chris-chan" page, ''Sonichu'' #8}}

4-cent_garbage does not appear to have any clear marketing objective. While this may seem like an oversight on Chris's part, it may well be a genuine commentary on the pointlessness of 4chan and ED's activities. While most people would consider them to be entertainment sites, with no other purpose than to provide humor or diversion, Chris obviously doesn't find them funny, and so he depicted 4-cent_garbage as a tower of bullies, mass-producing cruelty for its own sake. In the comic, Jason says his only goal in life is to hurt as many people as he can before he dies. While he may have only been speaking for himself, this seems to be the ''raison d'être'' for everyone else who works there.

In ''Sonichu'' #10, Beel explains that "this trolling gig is my hell", suggesting that he has been condemned to work there, possibly because he had once been "main assistant to [[Nazis|Adolf Hitler]]". Unable to die, Beel would simply be damned to serve yet another villain, [[Count Graduon]], once the 4-cent_garbage building was destroyed.

While [[Clyde Cash]] had been previously depicted in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]] as an agent of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], he also appears in ''Sonichu'' #10 supporting 4-cent_garbage. Though confusing in some respects, especially concerning the canonicity of the Sonichu Specials, this dual role may not be a complete contradiction, as the exact relationship between 4-cent_garbage and [[PVCC]] is never explained.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
[[File:A concert that brings the house down-min.jpg|thumb|The episode depicted in a [[TSSSF]] card]]
*[[4chan posts (Bella)]]
*[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]
*[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[Kathleen]]
*[[Beel]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[The Incredible Lioness]]
*[[Revive Zordon]]
*[[Twin Falling Towers]]
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Jail Letter - 21 October 2021]]

== External links ==
*[http://www.4chan.org/ 4chan] - A *chan imageboard and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's name.
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.online/ Encyclopedia Dramatica] - An internet satire wiki and inspiration behind 4-cent_garbage's role in the comics. ([https://archive.vn/xsWWD the archived home page of encyclodediadramatica])
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20120920095517/http://789chan.org/cwc/ 789chan.org/cwc/ archive] - A defunct *chan imageboard which sometimes adopted the name 4-cent_garbage in reference to the comics.

{{CWCverse}}

{{DISPLAYTITLE:4-cent_garbage.com}}

[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Wes Iseli

2025-05-26T20:52:29Z

Broseph:

{{Imposter}}
{{quote|Wes is a magician and regretfully, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah's]] boyfriend. Because of this, Christian is very jealous and dislikes him much.|[[:Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg|Wes Iseli ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}
{{Infobox Person
| name = Wes Iseli
| image = WesIseli2.jpg
|name = Wes Iseli
|aliases = Walter Grisby Wes-Li Sonichu Wesley Iseli Wasabi Rival 
|label3 = Date of Birth
|day = 10
|month = 11
|year = 1977
|gender = [[MALE]]
|nationality = [[United States|American]]
|race = White
|occupation = Magician
|saga = {{saga|highschool|cn}}
}}

'''Wes Iseli''' (pronounced [wɛs ˈaɪzli], "wess EYES-lee;"<ref>[[Mumble 4]], around 22 minutes in</ref> born 10 November 1977) [[Emily|briefly dated]] [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]], Chris's long-time [[gal pal|gal-pal]]. Wes is a magician in real life (available for birthdays, weddings, bar mitzvahs and funerals) and is currently married to another woman. According to Chris, Wes is also a descendent of the dark wizard.<ref name=merlindream></ref>

Although [[trolls]] have been trying to contact Wes ever since they found his various online accounts, he hasn't offered any official statements on [[Chris]] or his involvement in [[Sonichu (comic)|the Sonichu comics]]. Apparently, he doesn't feel the need to talk shit about some guy he barely knew just because he was jealous of Wes's relationship with an ex-girlfriend he dated over [[2000|20 years ago]].

== In real life ==
Wes Iseli was known to have dated Sarah Hammer at some point during Chris's [[Manchester High School|High School]] years. Chris claims to have originally been provoked into his [[Love Quest]] after becoming [[Chris and anger|enraged]] at seeing Sarah sitting on Wes's lap. Much like with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], this lead to a one sided blood feud with him, and he began to see Wes as a romantic rival and an enemy, even though Sarah saw Chris as nothing more than a friend and Wes himself probably barely even knew Chris as anything other than "that weird [[autism|autistic]] kid Sarah hangs out with".

The trio of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and [[Black Sonichu]] in Chris's early ideas before the comic started, existed to represent the "hero, lover and rival" triangle that Chris believed himself, Sarah and Wes to fulfill as well, with Chris [[Chris and his ego|obviously]] cast as the hero, and Wes as the villain. This is evident in the [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] story, in which he represented himself and Sarah as Sonichu and Rosechu, and when Wes was brought up in passing, Chris included a drawing of Blake holding a magic wand and magician's hat, complete with helpful annotation pointing out that he was evil. Chris would later come up with unique Sonichu forms for himself, Wes and Sarah instead of using Sonichu, Rosechu and Blake as stand-ins, and these new Sonichu forms would go on to be featured in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].

Chris also included avatars of Wes in his homemade ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' and ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, for both his human form and his Sonichu form in each, (though in the ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' cards the human Wes Iseli was just named as "A [[JERKS|Jerk]]").

Wes (under comic alias Walter Grisby) was mentioned in the infamous [[Chris Loses It]] video. In that video, Chris, after performing a spectacular act of [[tard rage]], pretends to call Walter Grisby, asking him "Who threw the frisbee?", before yelling at the telephone and [[:Category:Videos with Camera Abuse|throwing it]] at the [[PSEye]].

Wes made an appearance on the TV series ''{{w|Penn & Teller: Fool Us}}'' and successfully fooled them, on a season 7 episode aired on 6 [[July 2020]].

== In the comic ==
[[File:Wls.PNG|thumb|Wes-Li is pissed.]]

As the author of the comic, when Chris first made [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]] he was given the unique opportunity to [[Chris and reality|revise his personal history with Wes]] at his leisure. Comic Wes differs from his real life counterpart in that whilst the real Wes Iseli broke up with Sarah, moved on, married another woman, probably forgot Chris ever existed and is now [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcybvGOvmrY running a charity which helps fight Parkinson's Disease], Comic Wes appears to have [[Chris and his Ego|held a grudge against Chris]] ever since he first met him while he was dating Sarah, in spite of Chris having nothing he wanted and Wes having no reason to care about Chris. Dialogue also indicates that he was still dating Sarah by the time the trio first gained their powers, as Sarah "breaks up" with him halfway through Episode 8.

=== Wesley Iseli/Walter Grisby ===
Wes Iseli (later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] as "'''Walter Grisby'''") was one of the chosen three of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], alongside [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. Wes learned that he was the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], and upon gaining his powers his own ancestor implored him to take vengeance upon the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who was now Chris. Wes, knowing of Chris's jealousy towards him, accepts.

He later finds both Chris and [[Sonichu]] out on the "rough terrain" just outside [[CWCville]], and the two fight, not only over their current feud, but also over the Cherokee/Wasabi war in the ancient past, over the [[Cherokian Crown]]. Wes grabs the crown out of thin air during the fight (implying he stole it from Chris, which was [[Chris and writing|never depicted]]) and eventually the fight ends when Sarah appears and pins Wes against a tree with a lightning arrow, just as he was about to defeat Chris. Sarah breaks up with him, he whines a bit, [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris tells him to suck it up and move on]], and he then unites with Chris and Sarah to defeat the {{w|golem}} summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

[[Image:Sonichu05-P12.jpg|thumb|Wes-Li Sonichu apparently [[Chris and art|grows to about 20 feet tall]], does an {{w|Edward G. Robinson}} impression, and kidnaps [[Sarah Hammer]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]]]

In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] he appeared again to use his magical powers to kidnap Sarah at her wedding to [[William Spicer]]. Despite ostensibly not wanting to be kidnapped, Sarah neglects to employ any of her Anchuent powers, and thus Chris must take him down. This being the early days of the [[Megan]] Saga, Chris drew heavily from anime themes in this issue, so Chris and Wes did battle via [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|children's card games]] rather than an actual fight. Chris loses (again), proving for a second time that Wes was a superior fighter to him, but he and Sarah are saved by [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi La Skunk]], and the wedding continues without issue.

Iseli was briefly seen in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], attending the conference of villains following Christian's disappearance into the [[Time Void]]. Given that the conference was run by Mary and Count Graduon, the evil that Wes was destined to defeat alongside Chris and Sarah, the prophecy seems to have gone horribly wrong. [[Chris and writing|Chris, naturally, does not address this]].

Wes was last seen in the comic in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']], appearing on a grand total of two pages. First early in the issue, where he was seen scouting around the city in preparation for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] attack, assisted by [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and [[Silvana]], and later on again, when he calls Mary and tells her that a magic dome was protecting the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] from attack, and that they needed Mary to come down there personally to get through. He is never seen fighting in this issue, and it is to date his final appearance.

Still to this day, Wes's final fate remains unknown. Whether he was counted among the brainwashing victims freed by Chris or not has never been stated, and depending on whether or not Wes was acting of his own free will in helping Mary and the PVCC, he may or may not be the last surviving villain other than [[Clawdorf]] and [[Metal Sonichu]] after the [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] purge.

===Wes-Li Sonichu===
[[Image:FlameSnipers.jpg|thumb|Wes-li's Flame Sniper (left) compared to Sailor Mars' Flame Sniper (right).]]

Wes-Li Sonichu (pronounced [wɛzlaɪ], "Wez-lie", according to Chris's [[videobooks]], and as "Wesley" according to the [[Audiobooks]]) is the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] form of Wes Iseli when he is transformed by the Fireshock Pendant empowered by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Although the prophecy foretold that Wes-Li, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan]], and [[Saramah Rosechu|Saramah]] would work together to defeat [[Count Graduon]], Wes's spitefulness toward Chris and his bitterness at having been rejected by [[Sarah Hammer]] would lead him to use his powers for evil.

Prior to the retcon, Wes-Li was a passable pun. With the name change, it makes absolutely no sense that a person named "Walter Grisby" would have an alter ego that does not resemble his name in any way - unless one knows the background of this character. Renaming him something like "Wal-By Sonichu" was something Chris did not bother with.

Curiously, Wes-Li is one of the more detailed Sonichus that Chris has made, which is saying something given the [[Chris and art#Tracing|cookie-cutter]] nature of most of the other characters Chris has designed.

As he is not featured much, Wes-Li Sonichu is not seen to possess anything like the absurdly vast array of powers that Chris-Chan Sonichu does. He is, however, seen using the Pokémon moves Fire Blast, Flamethrower, Mega Kick and Sky Uppercut, as well as a move known as the Flame Sniper, in which he uses a bow and arrow made of fire to shoot at a target. The name and attack itself are another rip-off from [[Sailor Moon]]. With help from Chris-Chan and Saramah, Wes-Li can also use the "Team Blast: Blue Fireball Attack", but being the stupid Deus Ex Machina finishing move it is, the attack is used only once to destroy Graduon's golem and is never used again. It is also ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]''.

=== Wasabi Rival ===
[[File:Wasabi rival.jpg|100px|thumb|left|The Wasabi Rival or the Pope? YOU DECIDE!]]

The Wasabi Rival was the ancient alter ego of Wes Iseli in the ''Sonichu'' comics. According to ''[[Sonichu 2]]'', the [[Wasabi Clan]] were contemporaries of the Ancient Cherokee. One of the Wasabi, presumably a leader figure of some sort, somehow determined that stealing the [[Cherokian Crown]] from his [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|rival]] would allow him and his tribe to rule the world. This led to a bitter rivalry between the ambitious Wasabi man and the Cherokian Leader. Despite their differences, the Cherokian Leader and his Wasabi Rival were eventually able to forge a temporary alliance against the greater menace of [[Count Graduon]]. Together, the Wasabi and Cherokee defeated Graduon, imprisoning him within a magic scepter for centuries.

Years later, when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was at last fulfilled, the Wasabi Rival appeared in a vision to his reincarnation, Wes Iseli, in order to instruct him in use of the Fireshock Pendant. Exactly how and why the Wasabi Rival is able to communicate with Wes like this is not explained. He teaches Wes how to use all his powers and sends him off to his first battle.

Notably, even though the entire reason Wes had the powers at all was because Count Graduon had come back and needed to be stopped again, something the Wasabi Rival should have known was the priority at that moment, he still told Wes to go after Chris and steal the [[Cherokian Crown]] anyway. Either that crown is ''really, really important'', or the Wasabi Rival just enjoys being a douche from beyond the grave.
{{-}}

== In Chris's fantasy lore ==
Chris, in a chat with [[The Place]] from 1 [[February 2021]], described a [[daydreams|daydream]] about ancestors of Sarah and Wes being wizards alongside Merlin and guided by Chris.<ref name=merlindream>[[Thinking with Portals#Merlin's Deal with Chris]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:290-ACWes.jpg|Human Wes. Note that everything is on fire behind him.
Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg|Page quote is from this card.
File:Wes.PNG|Another drawing of Wes that, of course, [[Chris and art|doesn't look anything like the first one]]. Note the Fireshock Pendant and rabbit in a hat.
Image:295-WesLi.jpg|Flame on, bitch!
Image:140-AJerk.jpg|Chris, ripping himself off.
Image:296-FireshockPendant.jpg|Fireshock Pendant
Image:294-YuWesLi.jpg|It's just not as impressive without the flame background.
Image:292-ACWesLi.jpg|And even less so with the ''Animal Crossing'' logo.
File:127-LevelBattle.jpg|[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] takes on a villain.
Image:293-ACWesLiBck.jpg|Notice how the human Wes has no star sign, but Wes-Li does.
File:Wes_li_xbox.jpg|Wes Li plays [[HEXbox]], further cementing his villainous status.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://partymagic.50megs.com/ Old magic site]
* [http://wesiseli.com/ New magic site]
* [http://www.youtube.com/wesleyiseli YouTube account]
* [http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1205570207 Facebook]

{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Iseli, Wes}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Generation X]]

GameStop

2024-08-19T19:25:54Z

Broseph:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:GameStopCville.jpg|thumb|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]] which Chris patronized.]]
[[Image:SchuGameStop.jpg|thumb|From ''[[Sub-Episode 1]]'']]

'''GameStop''' is an [[United States of America|American]] [[video game]] retailer from which [[Chris]] used to buy his consoles and games, prior to [[26 December 2014]].

Within the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]], GameStop locations appear in [[CWCville Mall]] in ''[[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]'', and in the [[Sho-Mall Region]] in ''[[Sub-Episode 1]]'' .

In [[2008]], Chris won $400 in the [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' contest after an uncoordinated [[troll]] attack backfired.

Chris also supposedly met [[Chloe]] there while the two of them were pre-ordering ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.

==2009 sighting==
On 23 [[November 2009]], a post was made on a gaming forum by a GameStop employee.<ref>https://www.the-nextlevel.com/tnl/threads/54444-CWC-Chris-Chan?p=1064427996#post1064427996</ref> The post documented a real-life encounter with Chris and contained four pictures.

The employee, named Angel, had some knowledge of Chris prior to this meeting, thanks to Chris's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. Angel made a wager with a [[gal pal]] that if he was to ever take a picture with Chris, she and Angel would have to get married. The gal pal accepted this challenge—yet another example of [[Liquid Chris|people]] [[Kacey|finding]] true love through [[trolling]] Chris.

Angel's forum post:

{{quotebox|Pic 1: Don't the teen affectations, I hadda do the duck lips and peace sign as part of the wedding bet, oh, I had to touch him also.

Pic 2: [[Sonichu]] Shrinkey Dinks, bitches, copywritten and all.

Pic 3: Siggy, I need to get an extra for my fiance, but it needs to be personalized and say "love" at least once.

Pic 4: His card.

Basically, [[Pedofork|I've known this girl since she was 12]], we discovered him sometime earlier this year and after some creative googling, I discovered he was a local. Then I started to remember him from [[The GAMe PLACe|The Game Place]] on Fridays, [[Pokemon]] night--easier to find an [[Boyfriend-free girl|unattached girl]] when she's [[Pedofork|only 9]], I guess. I told my friend and she accused me of lying, so we made a bet, her idea, her hand, for my pic with him.

Everyone at the store, hell the whole GameStop corporation, knows this guy, he's a bottomless pit of lulz for us, which I'll share soon. Oddly they didn't know about the orange soda and semen drinking. Anyhow, Once the deal was made, I swore everyone in the store to calling me once he shows. A month or so back, he showed up at the GH5 contest blood drive and I was working.

I motion to Kyle to stop him from walking out the door because I was busy and Kyle pussied out, so I yelled out "I-is that... Sonichu?" he did a 180 so fast there was a sonic boom and immediately made for me. He started talking to me about that shitty comic of his, and I hadda pretend to be into it. But I got my pic and my wife. I'll post pics of her at some point, if she says yes to it.}}

<center>
<gallery>
File:Chrisangel01.png|Peace!
File:Chrisangel02.png|True and Honest
File:Chrisangel03.png|My card.
File:Chrisangel04.png|Sticker
</gallery>
</center>

==In 2014==
{{main|26 December 2014}}
[[File:Chris chan dec 2014.png|thumb|Chris blowing a raspberry at getting filmed.]]

On 26 [[December 2014]], Chris was caught vandalizing a [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic Boom]] display in GameStop, the result was recorded by a bystander who uploaded the evidence to Tumblr the next day. As a [[JERKS|male]] [[Manajerks|member of staff]] called security, Chris stormed out, saying "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" and sprayed the poor man, with mace, according to the person who recorded this. Chris clearly still has no idea how to behave in public, as he continues to deface store property (in fact he's lucky not to have been arrested for vandalism yet), abuse staff, and generally, turn heads for all the wrong reasons. Moreover, his actions clearly show that [[Chris and reality|he believes]] [[Chris and his Ego|he is]] [[Chris and the law|answerable]] [[Chris and religion|to no-one]].

Moreover, Chris violated a previous ban from the store to do this, which is why he is wearing a pair of [[Chris and fashion|purple toy sunglasses]], [[Honor roll|as some sort of disguise]]. A troll from [[4-cent garbage|4chan]] supposedly called the employee Chris has attacked, who confirmed he will be pressing charges, and it was eventually confirmed that Chris went to jail, and was later released on bond. In 2015, after a string of continuances, his offense was reduced from a felony to a misdemeanor, and he was charged a fine of $541, which he paid off the following year.<ref>[[:File:Pepper spray crime - final result.png]]</ref>

==War Against GameStop==

In [[November 2015]], [[CWCville]] enacted an embargo on GameStop in retaliation for their discriminatory practices against [[Autism|Autistics]], [[Homos|Lesbians]], and [[Tomgirl Saga|transgenders]].

After a [[Group Embargo on GameStop, Best Buy, and Simon Shopping Centers|video]] in which Chris pleas for an end to the discrimination, he received a letter [[GameStop is UNFAIR to Everyone; Not Just Me!|stating]] that GameStop decided to extend the ban to cover the state of Virginia, showing that Chris's feeble attempt at damage control had failed yet again. It was later shown that the letter was the work of a troll.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-12-7-chris-decries-gamestops-discrimination-against-battletoads.15158/page-10#post-1135462 (archive: https://archive.ph/df0l4)</ref>

Chris dropped the embargo on 1 February 2016,<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#The Prequel to the Begging]]</ref> stating that "I have ended my embargos on GameStop, Best Buy and Simon Mall because nothing has come at all from that". However, that post was the precursor to one begging his audience to buy him a PS4 from a place such as GameStop or Best Buy, showing that he had only retracted his embargo because [[Chris and remorse|he thought he might get something out of it]].

In [[October 2016]], Chris resumed the embargo<ref>[[October 2016 Facebook posts#Still banned from GameStop]]</ref> after [[Unban contracts|a contract he wrote]] and took to the GameStop management failed to get his ban repealed.

==2018==
In [[January 2018]], the [[Idea Guys]] manipulated Chris into driving to a GameStop after telling him Neptune from Hyperdimension Neptunia was "in a Gamestop", so Chris decided to drive to the Forest Lakes GameStop he was banned from. He honked his car horn, screamed for her multiple times, and "carefully scanned" the interior from behind the glass windows.

==2019==
In [[March 2019]], a Gamestop employee uploaded an [[A Wild Chris-Chan Attempts Human Interaction|eyewitness video]] of Chris shopping for a Poke ball Plus peripheral for his Nintendo Switch he got from [[Sarah and Steve]]. The employee replied to a comment asking about the ban, claiming that "they decided it was safer to let him in and take a neutral stance to everything he says and does."<ref>[[:File:GameStop clerk.png]]</ref>
[[Image:Gamestop vs cwc.jpg|thumb]]

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]
*[[26 December 2014]]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Tiffany Gowen

2023-10-03T17:52:31Z

Broseph:

[[File:Tiffany.jpg|thumb|Unlike Chris, Tiffany has only one face so you know she's honest.]]
{{Quote| Tiffany Gowen; she was really good to me. She reminded me of a [[Peanuts]] character, Peppermint Patty, and she and I were close, yet separate, like Patty and Charlie Brown.|Chris<ref>[[DVD_Slideshow_Transcripts]]</ref>}}
'''Tiffany Nicole Gowen''' was [[Chris]]'s "[[Things Chris has ripped off#Peanuts|Peppermint Patty]]-type" [[gal pal]] from [[Manchester High School|high school]], as well as "a bit of a [[Tomgirl|tomboy]]". Despite the fact that they haven't spoken in over twenty years, Chris remains obsessed with reestablishing contact with her.

==In High School==
Chris remembered that "she was really good to me" in high school, and has described their [[Chris_and_socialization|relationship]] as "close, yet separate, like Peppermint Patty and Charlie Brown".<ref name="dvd5">[[:File:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|DVD, note 5]]</ref> They sat together for lunch, and she attended his eighteenth birthday party. Tiffany was the only student to console Chris when he threw his hissy fit and ran away to cry during graduation.<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> Presumably she was one of the few individuals to willingly show kindness and tolerance for him, whether out of sympathy or general good-heartedness.

Chris's greatest memory of her, which he will never forget,<ref name="dvd5"/> concerns their [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]] where Tiffany was dared to play [[America]]'s second favorite game – [[Kick the Autistic|dance the autistic]]:

{{quote|But that night, my trusted "Peppermint Patty"-Type Gal-Pal, Tiffany Gowen, asked me to dance with her. I hesitated at first, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We danced for what felt like hours. It was the most pleasant experience of that night, and I thank her for dancing with me then. I hope to return the favor at our [[Manchester High School#Reunion plans|Reunion]].|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile]]</ref>}}

==Since high school==
The emptiness Chris found in life after high school caused him to idealize that period of his life and the people he had known then. Tiffany held a special place in his memories because he believed that her request to dance meant that she was attracted to him. Unfortunately, because he was "[[naïve]] about dating", he had not asked her out. When he discovered the concept of [[dating]] at age 21, he became convinced that if only he could see her again, they could become sweethearts. Alternatively, he yearned to travel back in time and ask her out in 2000.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref> "[[The High School Story]]" features a gender-switched Tiffany, "Tippanston Gowen", who dances with the female main character at Senior Prom, and follows it up with not only a "long and good" kiss, but a marriage proposal. Chris's efforts to organize both the ten-year and fifteen-year Manchester High School reunions were largely driven by his focus on "paying her back" with another dance and "[[Chris and sex|finding closure]]" with her.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Tiffany nostalgia]]</ref> He called her "my closest friend", even though, remember, they hadn't exchanged words since the millennium.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

Chris habitually refers to Tiffany admiringly as a "tomboy", leading many to suspect that his focus on her is somehow related to his [[tomgirl|gender issues]].

In [[2011]], over a decade since he had last seen "Tiff", Chris made a special dedication to her in [[LittleBigPlanet]], in the hope that [[Chris and reality|she would see it and contact him]].<ref>[[Autism Tutorial]]</ref> For most of [[2013]] he intensified his efforts to track her down. In August, Chris posted on the [[CWCki Forums]] to ask if any [[trolls]] knew how to get in touch with her.<ref>[[CWCki Forums#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> In October, Chris stated on Facebook that he has been attempting to contact Tiffany but had been unable to do so.<ref>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> "Tiffany Gowen...Where are you? I feel so lost right now...", he lamented.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#More Tiff nostalgia]]</ref> A leaked email suggested she was disturbed by his activities post-graduation and had purposely made it difficult for Chris to track her down. However, this email was probably among the gal-pal material fabricated by trolls, so even if it isn't true that she's in hiding, the trolls have saved her from being contacted and harassed by a washed-up autistic transvestite.

For better or worse, in October 2013, [[Thetan]] impersonated Chris's former high school gal-pals and persuaded him that none of them had been real friends, that they had pretended to like him out of pity and/or because [[Bob]] had, via the principal, asked them to. The shock of this revelation caused him to reevaluate Tiffany, but unfortunately made him even more eager to track her down and interrogate her. In September 2014 he forwarded at least one email to Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany saying "I still want to be friends with you again". Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany's recommendation that he "kindly fuck off" only puzzled him, and he still wanted to "clear the air". Only when his sweetheart [[Catherine]] became upset did he drop his pursuit of Tiffany.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails]]</ref> He finally admitted that their storied dance at prom had probably been a "set up arrangement" like the rest of her sham friendship.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:415-CWCWeekP9 crop 2.jpg|Gazing at Chris during lunch break, Tiffany sees only a child in need.
File:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|Tiffany (far right) with other gal-pals on Chris's [[My big 18th party|18th birthday party]].
File:0549-Prom11.jpg|Tiffany consoles [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] during [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor prom]].
File:TiffanyTriesToGetAway.png|Chris fondles [[Little Big Planet|Sackgirl]] Tiffany in the [[Autism Tutorial]].
File:Tiffany Gowen.jpg|[[Lego]] Tiff.
</gallery>
</center>

== References ==
<references />

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Tiffany Gowen

2023-10-03T17:51:01Z

Broseph:

[[File:Tiffany.jpg|thumb|Unlike Chris, Tiffany has only one face so you know she's honest.]]
{{Quote| Tiffany Gowen; she was really good to me. She reminded me of a [[Peanuts]] character, Peppermint Patty, and she and I were close, yet separate, like Patty and Charlie Brown.|Chris<ref>[[DVD_Slideshow_Transcripts]]</ref>}}
'''Tiffany Nicole Gowen''' was [[Chris]]'s "[[Things Chris has ripped off#Peanuts|Peppermint Patty]]-type" [[gal pal]] from [[Manchester High School|high school]], as well as "a bit of a [[Tomgirl|tomboy]]". Despite the fact that they haven't spoken in over twenty years, Chris remains obsessed with reestablishing contact with her.

==In High School==
Chris remembered that "she was really good to me" in high school, and has described their [[Chris_and_socialization|relationship]] as "close, yet separate, like [Peppermint] Patty and Charlie Brown".<ref name="dvd5">[[:File:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|DVD, note 5]]</ref> They sat together for lunch, and she attended his eighteenth birthday party. Tiffany was the only student to console Chris when he threw his hissy fit and ran away to cry during graduation.<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> Presumably she was one of the few individuals to willingly show kindness and tolerance for him, whether out of sympathy or general good-heartedness.

Chris's greatest memory of her, which he will never forget,<ref name="dvd5"/> concerns their [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]] where Tiffany was dared to play [[America]]'s second favorite game – [[Kick the Autistic|dance the autistic]]:

{{quote|But that night, my trusted "Peppermint Patty"-Type Gal-Pal, Tiffany Gowen, asked me to dance with her. I hesitated at first, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We danced for what felt like hours. It was the most pleasant experience of that night, and I thank her for dancing with me then. I hope to return the favor at our [[Manchester High School#Reunion plans|Reunion]].|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile]]</ref>}}

==Since high school==
The emptiness Chris found in life after high school caused him to idealize that period of his life and the people he had known then. Tiffany held a special place in his memories because he believed that her request to dance meant that she was attracted to him. Unfortunately, because he was "[[naïve]] about dating", he had not asked her out. When he discovered the concept of [[dating]] at age 21, he became convinced that if only he could see her again, they could become sweethearts. Alternatively, he yearned to travel back in time and ask her out in 2000.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref> "[[The High School Story]]" features a gender-switched Tiffany, "Tippanston Gowen", who dances with the female main character at Senior Prom, and follows it up with not only a "long and good" kiss, but a marriage proposal. Chris's efforts to organize both the ten-year and fifteen-year Manchester High School reunions were largely driven by his focus on "paying her back" with another dance and "[[Chris and sex|finding closure]]" with her.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Tiffany nostalgia]]</ref> He called her "my closest friend", even though, remember, they hadn't exchanged words since the millennium.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

Chris habitually refers to Tiffany admiringly as a "tomboy", leading many to suspect that his focus on her is somehow related to his [[tomgirl|gender issues]].

In [[2011]], over a decade since he had last seen "Tiff", Chris made a special dedication to her in [[LittleBigPlanet]], in the hope that [[Chris and reality|she would see it and contact him]].<ref>[[Autism Tutorial]]</ref> For most of [[2013]] he intensified his efforts to track her down. In August, Chris posted on the [[CWCki Forums]] to ask if any [[trolls]] knew how to get in touch with her.<ref>[[CWCki Forums#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> In October, Chris stated on Facebook that he has been attempting to contact Tiffany but had been unable to do so.<ref>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> "Tiffany Gowen...Where are you? I feel so lost right now...", he lamented.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#More Tiff nostalgia]]</ref> A leaked email suggested she was disturbed by his activities post-graduation and had purposely made it difficult for Chris to track her down. However, this email was probably among the gal-pal material fabricated by trolls, so even if it isn't true that she's in hiding, the trolls have saved her from being contacted and harassed by a washed-up autistic transvestite.

For better or worse, in October 2013, [[Thetan]] impersonated Chris's former high school gal-pals and persuaded him that none of them had been real friends, that they had pretended to like him out of pity and/or because [[Bob]] had, via the principal, asked them to. The shock of this revelation caused him to reevaluate Tiffany, but unfortunately made him even more eager to track her down and interrogate her. In September 2014 he forwarded at least one email to Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany saying "I still want to be friends with you again". Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany's recommendation that he "kindly fuck off" only puzzled him, and he still wanted to "clear the air". Only when his sweetheart [[Catherine]] became upset did he drop his pursuit of Tiffany.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails]]</ref> He finally admitted that their storied dance at prom had probably been a "set up arrangement" like the rest of her sham friendship.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:415-CWCWeekP9 crop 2.jpg|Gazing at Chris during lunch break, Tiffany sees only a child in need.
File:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|Tiffany (far right) with other gal-pals on Chris's [[My big 18th party|18th birthday party]].
File:0549-Prom11.jpg|Tiffany consoles [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] during [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor prom]].
File:TiffanyTriesToGetAway.png|Chris fondles [[Little Big Planet|Sackgirl]] Tiffany in the [[Autism Tutorial]].
File:Tiffany Gowen.jpg|[[Lego]] Tiff.
</gallery>
</center>

== References ==
<references />

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Tiffany Gowen

2023-10-03T17:49:05Z

Broseph:

[[File:Tiffany.jpg|thumb|Unlike Chris, Tiffany has only one face so you know she's honest.]]
{{Quote| Tiffany Gowen; she was really good to me. She reminded me of a [[Peanuts]] character, Peppermint Patty, and she and I were close, yet separate, like Patty and Charlie Brown.|Chris<ref>[[DVD_Slideshow_Transcripts]]</ref>}}
'''Tiffany Nicole Gowen''' was [[Chris]]'s "[[Things Chris has ripped off#Peanuts|Peppermint Patty]]-type" [[gal pal]] from [[Manchester High School|high school]], as well as "a bit of a [[Tomgirl|tomboy]]". Despite the fact that they haven't spoken in over twenty years, Chris remains obsessed with reestablishing contact with her.

==In High School==
Chris remembered that "she was really good to me" in high school, and has described their [[Chris_and_socialization|relationship]] as "close, yet separate, like [Peppermint] Patty and Charlie Brown".<ref name="dvd5">[[:File:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|DVD, note 5]]</ref> They sat together for lunch, and she attended his eighteenth birthday party. Tiffany was the only student to console Chris when he cried and ran away during graduation.<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> Presumably she was one of the few individuals to willingly show kindness and tolerance for him, whether out of sympathy or general good-heartedness.

Chris's greatest memory of her, which he will never forget,<ref name="dvd5"/> concerns their [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]] where Tiffany was dared to play [[America]]'s second favorite game – [[Kick the Autistic|dance the autistic]]:

{{quote|But that night, my trusted "Peppermint Patty"-Type Gal-Pal, Tiffany Gowen, asked me to dance with her. I hesitated at first, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We danced for what felt like hours. It was the most pleasant experience of that night, and I thank her for dancing with me then. I hope to return the favor at our [[Manchester High School#Reunion plans|Reunion]].|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile]]</ref>}}

==Since high school==
The emptiness Chris found in life after high school caused him to idealize that period of his life and the people he had known then. Tiffany held a special place in his memories because he believed that her request to dance meant that she was attracted to him. Unfortunately, because he was "[[naïve]] about dating", he had not asked her out. When he discovered the concept of [[dating]] at age 21, he became convinced that if only he could see her again, they could become sweethearts. Alternatively, he yearned to travel back in time and ask her out in 2000.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref> "[[The High School Story]]" features a gender-switched Tiffany, "Tippanston Gowen", who dances with the female main character at Senior Prom, and follows it up with not only a "long and good" kiss, but a marriage proposal. Chris's efforts to organize both the ten-year and fifteen-year Manchester High School reunions were largely driven by his focus on "paying her back" with another dance and "[[Chris and sex|finding closure]]" with her.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Tiffany nostalgia]]</ref> He called her "my closest friend", even though, remember, they hadn't exchanged words since the millennium.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

Chris habitually refers to Tiffany admiringly as a "tomboy", leading many to suspect that his focus on her is somehow related to his [[tomgirl|gender issues]].

In [[2011]], over a decade since he had last seen "Tiff", Chris made a special dedication to her in [[LittleBigPlanet]], in the hope that [[Chris and reality|she would see it and contact him]].<ref>[[Autism Tutorial]]</ref> For most of [[2013]] he intensified his efforts to track her down. In August, Chris posted on the [[CWCki Forums]] to ask if any [[trolls]] knew how to get in touch with her.<ref>[[CWCki Forums#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> In October, Chris stated on Facebook that he has been attempting to contact Tiffany but had been unable to do so.<ref>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> "Tiffany Gowen...Where are you? I feel so lost right now...", he lamented.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#More Tiff nostalgia]]</ref> A leaked email suggested she was disturbed by his activities post-graduation and had purposely made it difficult for Chris to track her down. However, this email was probably among the gal-pal material fabricated by trolls, so even if it isn't true that she's in hiding, the trolls have saved her from being contacted and harassed by a washed-up autistic transvestite.

For better or worse, in October 2013, [[Thetan]] impersonated Chris's former high school gal-pals and persuaded him that none of them had been real friends, that they had pretended to like him out of pity and/or because [[Bob]] had, via the principal, asked them to. The shock of this revelation caused him to reevaluate Tiffany, but unfortunately made him even more eager to track her down and interrogate her. In September 2014 he forwarded at least one email to Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany saying "I still want to be friends with you again". Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany's recommendation that he "kindly fuck off" only puzzled him, and he still wanted to "clear the air". Only when his sweetheart [[Catherine]] became upset did he drop his pursuit of Tiffany.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails]]</ref> He finally admitted that their storied dance at prom had probably been a "set up arrangement" like the rest of her sham friendship.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:415-CWCWeekP9 crop 2.jpg|Gazing at Chris during lunch break, Tiffany sees only a child in need.
File:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|Tiffany (far right) with other gal-pals on Chris's [[My big 18th party|18th birthday party]].
File:0549-Prom11.jpg|Tiffany consoles [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] during [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor prom]].
File:TiffanyTriesToGetAway.png|Chris fondles [[Little Big Planet|Sackgirl]] Tiffany in the [[Autism Tutorial]].
File:Tiffany Gowen.jpg|[[Lego]] Tiff.
</gallery>
</center>

== References ==
<references />

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Tiffany Gowen

2023-10-03T17:46:05Z

Broseph:

[[File:Tiffany.jpg|thumb|Unlike Chris, Tiffany has only one face so you know she's honest.]]
{{Quote| Tiffany Gowen; she was really good to me. She reminded me of a [[Peanuts]] character, Peppermint Patty, and she and I were close, yet separate, like Patty and Charlie Brown.|Chris<ref>[[DVD_Slideshow_Transcripts]]</ref>}}
'''Tiffany Nicole Gowen''' was a "[[Things Chris has ripped off#Peanuts|Peppermint Patty]]-type" [[gal pal]] of [[Chris]]'s from [[Manchester High School|high school]], as well as "a bit of a [[Tomgirl|tomboy]]". Despite the fact that they haven't spoken in over twenty years, Chris remains obsessed with reestablishing contact with her.

==In High School==
Chris remembered that "she was really good to me" in high school, and has described their [[Chris_and_socialization|relationship]] as "close, yet separate, like [Peppermint] Patty and Charlie Brown".<ref name="dvd5">[[:File:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|DVD, note 5]]</ref> They sat together for lunch, and she attended his eighteenth birthday party. Tiffany was the only student to console Chris when he cried and ran away during graduation.<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> Presumably she was one of the few individuals to willingly show kindness and tolerance for him, whether out of sympathy or general good-heartedness.

Chris's greatest memory of her, which he will never forget,<ref name="dvd5"/> concerns their [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]] where Tiffany was dared to play [[America]]'s second favorite game – [[Kick the Autistic|dance the autistic]]:

{{quote|But that night, my trusted "Peppermint Patty"-Type Gal-Pal, Tiffany Gowen, asked me to dance with her. I hesitated at first, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We danced for what felt like hours. It was the most pleasant experience of that night, and I thank her for dancing with me then. I hope to return the favor at our [[Manchester High School#Reunion plans|Reunion]].|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile]]</ref>}}

==Since high school==
The emptiness Chris found in life after high school caused him to idealize that period of his life and the people he had known then. Tiffany held a special place in his memories because he believed that her request to dance meant that she was attracted to him. Unfortunately, because he was "[[naïve]] about dating", he had not asked her out. When he discovered the concept of [[dating]] at age 21, he became convinced that if only he could see her again, they could become sweethearts. Alternatively, he yearned to travel back in time and ask her out in 2000.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref> "[[The High School Story]]" features a gender-switched Tiffany, "Tippanston Gowen", who dances with the female main character at Senior Prom, and follows it up with not only a "long and good" kiss, but a marriage proposal. Chris's efforts to organize both the ten-year and fifteen-year Manchester High School reunions were largely driven by his focus on "paying her back" with another dance and "[[Chris and sex|finding closure]]" with her.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Tiffany nostalgia]]</ref> He called her "my closest friend", even though, remember, they hadn't exchanged words since the millennium.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

Chris habitually refers to Tiffany admiringly as a "tomboy", leading many to suspect that his focus on her is somehow related to his [[tomgirl|gender issues]].

In [[2011]], over a decade since he had last seen "Tiff", Chris made a special dedication to her in [[LittleBigPlanet]], in the hope that [[Chris and reality|she would see it and contact him]].<ref>[[Autism Tutorial]]</ref> For most of [[2013]] he intensified his efforts to track her down. In August, Chris posted on the [[CWCki Forums]] to ask if any [[trolls]] knew how to get in touch with her.<ref>[[CWCki Forums#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> In October, Chris stated on Facebook that he has been attempting to contact Tiffany but had been unable to do so.<ref>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> "Tiffany Gowen...Where are you? I feel so lost right now...", he lamented.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#More Tiff nostalgia]]</ref> A leaked email suggested she was disturbed by his activities post-graduation and had purposely made it difficult for Chris to track her down. However, this email was probably among the gal-pal material fabricated by trolls, so even if it isn't true that she's in hiding, the trolls have saved her from being contacted and harassed by a washed-up autistic transvestite.

For better or worse, in October 2013, [[Thetan]] impersonated Chris's former high school gal-pals and persuaded him that none of them had been real friends, that they had pretended to like him out of pity and/or because [[Bob]] had, via the principal, asked them to. The shock of this revelation caused him to reevaluate Tiffany, but unfortunately made him even more eager to track her down and interrogate her. In September 2014 he forwarded at least one email to Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany saying "I still want to be friends with you again". Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany's recommendation that he "kindly fuck off" only puzzled him, and he still wanted to "clear the air". Only when his sweetheart [[Catherine]] became upset did he drop his pursuit of Tiffany.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails]]</ref> He finally admitted that their storied dance at prom had probably been a "set up arrangement" like the rest of her sham friendship.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:415-CWCWeekP9 crop 2.jpg|Gazing at Chris during lunch break, Tiffany sees only a child in need.
File:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|Tiffany (far right) with other gal-pals on Chris's [[My big 18th party|18th birthday party]].
File:0549-Prom11.jpg|Tiffany consoles [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] during [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor prom]].
File:TiffanyTriesToGetAway.png|Chris fondles [[Little Big Planet|Sackgirl]] Tiffany in the [[Autism Tutorial]].
File:Tiffany Gowen.jpg|[[Lego]] Tiff.
</gallery>
</center>

== References ==
<references />

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2022-04-26T23:15:06Z

Broseph:

:''This article is about Chris himself... it is his article and nothing less! For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''
{{Transgender|MTF}}
{{Unreliable|type=cred|Chris is a [[List of Chris's lies|habitual liar]].|Chris will often exaggerate things that happened, often to [[Chris and his ego|make himself look better]].|Chris is considerably [[naïve]].|Chris's accounts on how a certain event went down will often vary with each time he recalls it.}}
{{Honest}}

{{Infobox Person
| title = Christian Weston Chandler
| image = 0773-CWC23.JPG
| size = 350
| name = Christopher Weston Chandler (1982–[[Christopher's name change|1992]]) Christian Weston Chandler ([[Christopher's name change|1992]]–2016) Christine Weston Chandler (2016–present)
| aliases = Chris-Chan Chris Chan CWC [[Bob Chandler|Little C]] [[Spanish|Ricardo]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|RWC]] [[Sonichu (character)|Father]] [[Sonichu (character)|Pop]] [[Rosechu (character)|Papa]] [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] [[Liquid Chris|Solid Chris]] [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Jackie E-mails 24|Kaka Apple Chrissy]] [[CWCki Forums|paintingatree]] [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|Stephanie Bustcakes]] [[Night Star]] [[CPU Blue Heart]] [[CWC Psychlight]] [[Kiwi Farms|LegendaryChristorian]] [[CWCki Forums|OPL (Our Pet Lolcow)]] [[Internet Dream Lounge|Natalie Portman]] [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Grandma Christine]] [[Sonichu (character)|Mother]] [[Sonichu (character)|Mama]] [[Spirit possession|Sonichu]] [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|Jesus Christ]] [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|Camera #000]] [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (RadioRabbit0)|Christine Chan Sonichu]] [[Jail Communications|Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu]] [[Jail Letter - 9 December 2021|Jesus Christ Chan]] [[Jail Call - 13 January 2022|Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu]]
| month = 2
| day = 24
|gender = Male (1982–2016) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–2014) [[Transgender|Transwoman]] (2016–present)
| nation = [[United States|American]]
| religion = "[[Chris and religion|Neo Spiritual Christianity]]"
| race = White (1/8th "[[Cherokian]]")
|label8 = Height
| ft = 5
| in = 10
| heightsrc = <ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref>
|lb = 203
|weightsrc= <ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref>
|father = [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1927–2011)
|mother = [[Barbara Chandler]] (1941–present)
|siblings = [[Cole Smithey]] (half-brother) [[David Alan Chandler]] (half-brother) [[Carol Chandler]] (half-sister)
|education = [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] (AAS, [[CADD]])
|occupation = Freelance comic book artist ([[Lulu|self-published]]) Video game designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) [[Carlos Chantor|Male escort]] ([[2010]], unpaid) Entrepreneur, [[Chris and business|Cwcville Shopping]] ([[2014]]–[[2016]]) [[Stephanie Bustcakes|Prostitute]] ([[2016]], unpaid)
|spouse = [[Cryzel Rosechu]], [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]] (m. March 2018) [[Sylvana]] Rosechu and [[Mewtwo]] (m. June 2018)<ref>[[:File:Miss Cherry asks Chris about his marriages.png]]</ref>
|titles = Sonichu Creator Chronicler of Sonichu & Rosechu [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Goddess]] of the Nations of [[Cwcville]], Comma, and the [[Commodore 64|Commodore Consoles]]<ref>https://archive.fo/v5aVW</ref> The Queen of Modern Laughter<ref>[[Internet_Dream_Lounge#Outro_.281:12:27-1:16:25.29]]</ref> [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|The Real Player One]] 
}}

{{quote|I am the [[Slow-in-the-minds|high-functioning]] [[autism|autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Chris and art|artistic]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]] lost with [[Chris and his Ego#Paranoia|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the hand-drawing original [[Chris and copyright|creator]] of [[sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[CWCville|Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[United States of America|USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], AKA Chris.<ref>
[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190802/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=10 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :(] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself (archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

{{quote|Behold, the Mistake of God!|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] on Chris.}}

'''Christine Weston Chandler''', formerly '''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born: '''Christopher Weston Chandler'''; 24 February [[1982]]) is a {{Age|1982|2|24}}-year-old [[Autism|autistic]], [[Chris and mental healthcare|mentally ill]]<ref>Confirmed by placement in the [[Therapeutic Docket]].</ref> [[JERKS|misandrist]], [[Women's rights|misogynist]], former [[virgin with rage]], self-proclaimed [[CPU Blue Heart|deity]], and [[Affair with Mother|accused sex offender]]. He is commonly referred to by his nickname '''Chris-Chan''', by his initials '''CWC''', or simply the gender-neutral '''Chris'''. He looks kind of like a cartoon version of {{w|Benjamin Franklin}} come to life, and is considered to be one of the most well-known and well-documented lolcows in internet culture – if not one of the most well-documented people in history.

Some would consider Chris to be a celebrity, but he hasn't sold a multiplatinum [[Chris and music|album]], nor has he been awarded with an [[Chris and cinematography|Oscar]]. Instead, he is the [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of the infamous webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which ostensibly tells the story of an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and his [[sweetheart]] [[Rosechu]] and their adventures with the [[Chaotic Combo]]. In practice, the webcomic really serves as wish fulfillment for Chris himself, allowing him to express his dissatisfaction with how [[Mary Lee Walsh|the faculty at school and college]] didn't acknowledge [[Honor roll|what he saw as an exemplary academic performance]] [[Count Graduon|when he graduated]], along with his frustration over [[Love Quest|being unable to find a romantic partner]]; as such, the book let him redirect his [[Chris and anger|anger]] toward [[Jerkop|the people who]] [[Manajerks|would impede him]] on his journey, casting them as villains and himself as [[List of unheroic protagonist actions|a true Campbellian hero]] in his narrative. After completing his education, Chris was unemployed for most of his adult life, making a living off of [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]] and [[Patreon|donations]] from his webcomic's [[True and Loyal Fanbase]].

In late [[2007]], he became [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]]-famous when images of him at [[The GAMe PLACe|a tabletop gaming store]] leaked out to the {{w|Something Awful}} message boards. Upon discovery, Chris was mocked for his [[Chris and fashion|odd fashion sense]] and [[Obesity|oafish appearance]], and images of Chris at the store soon spread to places like [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and in the process, many [[trolls]] became exposed to his webcomic for the first time, propelling Chris to stardom. Initial fascination was spurred on by his [[Chris and art|childlike artwork]], his signature homemade [[Medallions|Sonichu medallion]] that he wore in public, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[Attraction Sign|sign]] asking women to talk to him. [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|His reaction to the ensuing mockery]] led to a cycle of [[Honest Content|Chris revealing more disturbing facts about himself]] and [[Chris and manipulation|trolls going to greater and greater lengths to uncover more knowledge about this strange individual]]. Thus, Chris's life began to spiral out of control with the advent of organized trolling, [[Chris and...|armchair psychological analysis]] from bewildered onlookers, and some truly bizarre antics from Chandler that continue to this day, which would influence the development of the webcomic whenever Chris got around to updating it.

Chris's most notable period of activity on the internet occurred between 2007 and 2010 – a period now dubbed the "Classic Era" by modern Christorians – in which he was repeatedly catfished by trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|romantic interests]], and he lashed out against arch-enemy [[Clyde Cash]], the leader of the most notable group of trolls in his life: [[Trolls#The Miscreants|The Miscreants]]. In this time, [[Julie Reveals Herself|he was duped by]] [[BlueSpike|a sadistic 13-year-old]] [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|into stuffing his medallion up his ass]], [[Liquid Chris|had his identity stolen by a far more talented individual]], [[Asperchu|and had ''Sonichu'' mercilessly spoofed by a webcomic team that specifically designed a story that would piss him off]], among other misadventures. However, he eventually decided to sign off from the internet at the end of this period, seemingly wising up to his dang dirty trolls. When he inevitably returned to the limelight a few months later in 2011, he was not the same. [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris began to experiment with crossdressing, calling himself a "Tomgirl"]], before eventually coming out as [[transgender]] in late 2014.

From here, Chris's internet life stayed relatively normal (by his standards), despite his shift in gender identity, his father's death, [[28 October 2011|a hit-and-run case]], [[2014 house fire|the accident that caused his house to burn down]], and [[26 December 2014|an incident where he maced an employee at a GameStop store]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|over the color of Sonic's arms]]. Things changed when two new sets of trolls – known as the [[Idea Guys]] and the [[Teen Troon Squad]] – [[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris|brainwashed]] him with increasingly-insane beliefs (such as the idea that he and both of his parents are [[Sonichu (species)|half-Sonichu]]), culminating in [[Chris and reality|Chris's revelation]] that he is [[CPU Blue Heart|a goddess]] meant to bring about [[Dimensional Merge|a convergence of dimensions]] that will merge [[Dimensions#C-197|the world shown in his webcomic]] with our world, effectively starting a doomsday cult around what started as a silly, self-indulgent ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' and ''[[Pokémon]]'' crossover. Since then, Chris has used [[Messiah complex|this delusion]] as an elaborate [[Chris and coping|coping]] mechanism while he continues his self-destructive habits.

In spite of the trolls in question being driven out by the effort of [[Guard Dogs|groups of]] [[Watchmen|counter-trolls]] trying to keep Chris from going further down a self-destructive path, or at least to keep him from embarrassing himself any more, Chris chose to keep clinging to these unhealthy and downright absurd beliefs. All the while, Chris's [[Chris and health|physical]] and [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental health]] are withering away, and [[Financhu Crisis|money is becoming a serious issue for the Chandler household]], and Chris's mother isn't long for this world, all of which has led Chris to retreat even further into his fantasies. It's gotten to the point where [[Spirit possession|he now pretends to be possessed by various fictional characters]] on a regular basis, with one nearly year-long period of "possession" by Sonichu serving as a way for Chris to cope with the fact that he wasn't able to attend [[BABSCon|two ''My Little Pony'' conventions]] that had been cancelled during the [[COVID-19]] pandemic. The point of no return finally happened in [[2021]] after [[Incest call|a recording]] between Chris and [[Isabella Loretta Janke|a troll posing as a fan]] revealed that [[Affair with Mother|he had several incestuous encounters with his mother]], which has forcibly evicted him from [[14 Branchland Court|his own home]] and sent him to jail, which became his most publicized incident in years. Chris is now looking at prison time, and while Chris awaits a trial, [[Jail Communications|letters from jail]] illustrate that he's gone even deeper into his own fantasies by believing himself to be {{w|Jesus|Jesus Christ}} reincarnated. Chris was later transferred to what is believed to be Western State Hospital, a mental institution. He currently resides there, cut off from all external communications.

There has never been an internet personality quite like Chris-Chan, thanks to the unique circumstances leading to his prominence online and shaping his peculiar behavior, and there may never be another quite like him – he is truly one of a kind. It is the dedicated mission of [[CWCki|this very wiki]] to chronicle his life in ridiculous detail, and if you want to go down the seemingly bottomless rabbit hole with us, then you should probably start by reading this page. Buckle up, because this is going to be a long ride, and the end is nowhere in sight.

==Overview==
{{quote|He seems intelligent enough to understand that he does not understand, and that is the hardest part of all.|An anonymous [[University of Virginia]] student making an observation about Chris.<ref>
[https://thereisbeautyin.livejournal.com/4791.html "glass house"], a post from LiveJournal user thereisbeautyin.</ref>}}

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|An infamous image Chris drew of himself enjoying a soda in 2 ways.]]]]
[[File:SympathyForChris.png|thumb|left|An approximate graph which correlates knowledge about Chris to sympathy towards him.]]

Chris is a timid, autistic, self-identified [[Transgender|transwoman]] with delusional tendencies who has been allowed – by his parents, [[Barbara Chandler]] and the deceased [[Bob Chandler]] – to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Even into his forties, Chris remains so comfortable in his protected existence that he refuses to conform to societal norms. He has regularly demonstrated trouble displaying acceptable [[Love Quest|public]] [[Chris and the law|behavior]], recognizing when he needs to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|use the washroom]], and using his time to [[Sonic Boom Protests|contribute]] [[Dimensional Merge|to]] [[Twitter|society]] in any meaningful way. Although the public school system forced Chris to face [[reality]], graduation has allowed him to stay indoors and avoid taking part in typical civilian activities, opting instead to stick to the comfort of living at home and subsisting off of taxpayer dollars. Due to this avoidance of the outside world, Chris hasn't held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] [[Wendy's|since 2001]] (commissions and multi-level marketing aside), and he hasn't been employed for more than a few months in his whole life. It is likely Chris will never get a job again thanks to Patreon, the tugboat, the <s>begging</s> generous donations, and the fact he has flat out said his autism prevents him from getting a job (in spite of there being many social services available to help people with disabilities find work). Chris has had shockingly few meaningful relationships with people in a social setting outside of his parents, although he does manage to make friends with people who share his interests in nerd and LGBT culture<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210113452/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/what-will-happen-when-barb-dies.10000/page-96#post-1853572</ref>.

[[File:Chris BronyCon18 with Sonichu.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris in [[July 2018]], posing with a fan cosplaying as Sonichu at [[BronyCon]].]]

Chris is completely obsessed with his OC and the associated comic, to the point that he has hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in Sonichu's shape. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[college]] graduation; the medallion disappeared for a time, but returned in [[September 2010]]. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making ''Sonichu'' games is that they're either tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by trolls working for them. For a while, Chris had been upkeeping an eBay shop where he would make and sell these medallions, including Sonichu, Rosechu, Blake, and even custom character options. These were sold for $30 apiece. After the eBay shop became a mild success he moved to Etsy, however, his laziness got the best of him and he lost the shop after nine months in business, due to failing to fulfill orders.

Chris used to absolutely hate [[homos|gay men]], and communicated this with such intensity that observers were easily convinced he was simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stared at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|a ''Sailor Moon'' poster]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris' words do not always align with his actions; throughout his early Internet history, he appeared to be deeply insecure about his gender and sexuality. Even prior to his gender transition, he has [[recycling|swallowed his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|worn a bra]], and only reined in his [[Tomgirl Pictures|tendency to proudly cross-dress]] because his elderly mother intensely disapproved. While these actions do not indicate homosexuality outright, they do question the validity of Chris's own judgments on his sexual orientation. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seemed to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref> However, his homophobia didn't extend to lesbians, whom he "partially [en]courages" and is even aroused by. Over time, Chris dropped his homophobic tendencies, [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|apologized in 2015]] and supports what he calls the [[SLGBTQ]] spectrum. In [[2018]], the [[Idea Guys]] [[brainwashed]] Chris into identifying as bisexual.

His adult life has been largely defined by his goals of developing ''Sonichu'' into a hit media franchise, his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''his current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], non-[[alcohol]]ic [[Chris and race|white]] girl" to make into a "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]," and, beginning from 2011, his gender identity as a [[tomgirl]] and later a lesbian transwoman.

==Aliases==
{{quote|Call me by the real name that [[Chris and religion|God]] [[Christopher's name change|and the bear]] has given me throughout my whole life. The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my Spanish nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.|[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Chris making demands of]] [[Liquid Chris|his impostor]], years before legally changing his name to "Christine".}}

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|left|Chris's self-portrait, circa 2007. {{w|Ozymandias|"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"}}]]
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|right|100px|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris's hand-drawn representation of himself.]]]]

Christian Weston Chandler has a wide array of names he has given himself. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|mall conductor bear]]" that misheard his name, which he interpreted as a sign from God. In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". [[Autism|Unusually]], Chris would often refer to himself by his full name, or if he's feeling especially formal, "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is [[Chris and his ego|unusually proud]] of his initials "CWC", and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick". Examples include [[CWCville]], [[A CWC Audition]] and [[CWC Dare]].

Shortly after declaring himself a [[transgender]] lesbian, Chris started introducing himself as "Christine". In May 2016, he successfully filed for another name change to "Christine Weston Chandler".<ref>{{Cite farms|thread=20763|title= Chris filed for a legal name change|autoarchive=20211017191545}}</ref> He then followed up by filing to alter the description for sex on his driver's license to female.<ref>[[:File:Christine license.jpg]]</ref> He now signs his name with "heart i's". Legal documents refer to him as Christine Chandler,<ref>[[:File:Trespass case 2018.png]]</ref> except for civil cases, in which he hadn't updated his name change information with plaintiffs.<ref>[[:Image:Court Record - 2019 Midland Funding Debt Case, Garnishment (Chris, GV18000451-01).png]]</ref> [[CWCki|This wiki]], however, refers to him as Chris for consistency.

[[File:Cwc bronycon 2017 1.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Chris first went by "Christine" in late 2014 before legally changing his name in 2016.]]

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and long after then he would still translate his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish, likely due to his ignorance of the fact that you generally don't replace your own name with something completely different when speaking in another language. At times he would go so far as to announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to identify himself precisely. In recent times, Chris has forgone stating his middle name, former names, and Spanish nickname in videos; now he usually leads with just "Christine Chandler". (Chris has never come up with a feminine counterpart to his "Ricardo" nickname, or any other Spanish-sounding replacement.)

Occasionally, Chris would use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, Sonichu. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. As Chris grew even more unhinged in 2017 and fell under the [[Idea Guys]]'s sway in 2018, he would conflate himself even further with his fantastic inventions to the point where he unofficially added "Sonichu" to the end of his name (although this is not recognized as a legal name change, unlike "Christian" or "Christine" in previous years), to account for his later belief that he is actually half-Sonichu in real life following several rounds of brainwashing. Other modern names for himself include [[CPU Blue Heart]] and [[Night Star]], his self-inserts for the ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'' and ''[[My Little Pony]]'' franchises respectively. In contexts when he wants to be especially grandiose, he might append his various fictional alter egos to his name, much as he would list his former names in the past.

Only a few names commonly used to refer to Chris are not invented by Chris himself. One of the most notable ones is "Chrissy", popularized by [[YouTube#Fan archives and leaks|Arjen Van Dierten]] oddly enough, trying to mockingly feminize Chris's name seemed to predict his eventual interest in crossdressing and later interest in becoming transgender. [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], which was derived from Chris's IBAChandler [[YouTube]] account, was popularized by [[Liquid Chris]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|much to Chris's angst]]. Less notably, there is also "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]]. Certain A-Loggers have been known to refer to Chris as "Satan's Agent on Earth". Users of [[Kiwi Farms]] have coined the term "Classic Chris" to refer to Chris before the [[Tomgirl Saga]] and/or the [[2014 house fire|house fire]], with "Modern Chris" being used to describe his later antics.

==Foundational Era==
{{quote|The most important parting words I can leave you with - well, are to always remember this. You show people where your [[Kick the Autistic|weak points]] are located, then [[Trolls|they]] will know how to [[Chris and anger|push your button]]. If you never show them, they will never know.|[[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]] giving Chris valuable advice that he, unfortunately, did not follow.}}

Christopher Weston Chandler was born on 24 February 1982 at {{w|Martha Jefferson Hospital}} in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]].<ref name="WikiProfile">[[Chris's Wikipedia profile]]</ref> His parents, [[Borb|Robert and Barbara]], worked as a engineer at Western Electric (later General Electric) and a office worker at Virginia Power, respectively. Although little is known about Chris's toddler years, the [[Autism papers]] revealed that he was delayed in his language ability, which became his first sign of [[autism]].

===Childhood and Adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|The evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of Chris-chan... in a {{w|Pogs|pog}} form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at 6 weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat into his thirties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true – the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at 6 weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a toy room at an early age after turning all the lights off, an event he described as being intensely traumatic for him.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> (Chris apparently missed the irony of the fact that he regularly locked himself in a room, surrounded by toys, for much of his adult life.) He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism (which is wishful thinking on Chris's part, considering that autism is a genetic condition that isn't triggered by external trauma). Between the ages of 1 and 7, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> However, Chris was able to meet these cognitive milestones in time.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl – if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance). In [[1992]], noted ursine conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which inexplicably convinced Christopher to later have his name legally changed.

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school", which Bob and Barbara likely interpreted to mean a nut-house. Chris was home-schooled through the 5th grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his 12th birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. WVIR-TV's coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to the general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not an elaborate troll. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to use his autism as leverage for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has also led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated and belligerent to the winners]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|As a baby, he was unusually ugly.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu Ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[stare]].
</gallery></center>
 
{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}
 
[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[Semen|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading ''[[Goosebumps]]'' novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pal]]s" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu, the latter of which was created for a class project simply because he couldn't use [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted characters]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20161008083333/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> (The irony that Chris's own solution to that problem was to merge two copyrighted characters into a new character is somehow still lost on him, even to this day.) After inventing his ''magnum opus'' with the character of Sonichu, Chris began to incorporate his [[OCs|original character]] into everything that he could, although his passion for his character wouldn't truly surface until college.

Chris claims to have been on the [[honor roll]], and during this time acquired the true source of his powers, his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris became despondent and stormed out crying during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it "so hard" despite his autism, ignoring the likelihood that the artistic achievements of his peers were simply better. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult, a phase of his life that his parents had not properly prepared him for.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref> Evidently, this fear was unfounded.

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unwilling and unable to progress in any other aspect of his life, and has unfortunately even regressed in several key areas as he gets older. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-stasis]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him. [[Chris and nostalgia|Chris still pines for "better days"]] in spite of his current belief system hypothetically leaving him in a better place than he ever was in high school. As you might imagine, this is precisely because things didn't get much better for Chris after finishing school.
 
{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning artwork
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight – look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would-be thieves.
</gallery>}}
 

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]].]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his personal idiosyncrasies. By his own admission, his social life at PVCC was lacking when compared to his high school years.<ref>[[Story of My Current Days#Story of My Current Days]]</ref><ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref>
Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend (or so they claimed). Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began concocting and employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a sign that read "I am a (variable age)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(Chris's age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex, which was legally true. Chris was particularly affected by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud involving [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|magic curses]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh#Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu|slander]]. After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

After college and completing his education, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a boyfriend-free girl, drawing ''Sonichu'', [[mass debating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]]. He would not make any serious attempts to seek out a career from graduation onward, in spite of attaining a degree that could probably net him a decent-paying (and relatively undemanding) career that would likely grant him more opportunities than sitting at home playing video games ever could.

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[The GAMe PLACe|local game and card shop]]. A social outcast like himself, Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than 5 minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, seemingly basing his stance on studying women in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her (a habit that got so bad that [[Megan emails, 2005-2006#Megan sends Chris some more mixed signals|Megan later equated it to sexual harassment]]).

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and subsequently learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to focus on the life and times of Chris's unbelievably original character, but by halfway through the first issue, the focus of the story had become Chris and his myriad of romantic misadventures. Little would Chris know, however, that his life was about to permanently change as a result writing and drawing of his magnum opus.

==Classic Era==
{{main|2007|2008|2009|2010}}

{{quote|You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want... I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead.|[[Kacey]], accurately predicting how stagnant Chris's life would be after [[The End For Real (Kacey call)|breaking up with him]].}}

[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

Chris's rare talent (and by talent we mean pathology) was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author. He was also discovered on 26 October 2007 by the website SomethingAwful, when a user derailed an unrelated conversation and wrote their personal account of Chris. A thread on Chris and Sonichu was created the next day.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071107074539/http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2667671&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1</ref> Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in November 2007. His life hasn't been the same since then, and shockingly enough, Chris himself shoulders some of the blame for why that is.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]]. He was duped into wearing his mom's underwear by [[Blanca Weiss]].]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-Chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself finger-banging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time, giving the trolls justification to continue their war against Chris in the process. By the spring of [[2008]], Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] (temporarily, but he was banned permanently in August 2008) and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]], making [[April 16 Fetish Vids|fetish videos]] for [[Ivy]].]]

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-Chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would, in turn, encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of lulz. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general, opinion was divided as to whether it was funny or [[A-Logging|obnoxious and tiring]] to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to documenting his life), which has only expanded the coverage of Chris's hijinks.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], sweethearts, cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naïve]]te readily embraced this brave new world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals, and that any and all trolls were a vocal minority on his way to fame and fortune. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the Liquid Saga, and the ''[[Asperchu]]'' Saga. All the while, the editors and administrators working at Encyclopedia Dramatica and the CWCki maintained a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris could not get away with his highly selective and revisionary treatment of his history.

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: that his internet presence and the toxic cycle of exposing something about himself, getting exploited or otherwise made fun of by trolls, and reacting poorly to said trolling was having a detrimental effect upon his mental health and social life, with every new video that he created exasperating the problem. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[clown shirt]]s. For a time, it looked like Chris was learning from his experiences and was making an effort to improve his own lot in life.

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. It initially appeared that Chris was making a positive lifestyle change, but alas, it was quickly discovered that his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he announced retirement from social media. Instead of investing his time into more productive activities or improving on his social skills, Chris spent much more time playing video games and otherwise doing what he had been doing when he did engage with trolls. In a predictable fashion, he ultimately forgot anything that he might have learned from his experiences of [[Kick the Autistic|being one of the internet's biggest punching bags]], and he subsequently returned to making new videos starting on [[August 2011]]... Albeit with a pretty big change in how he presented himself online.

==Transvestite Era==
{{main|2011|2012|2013|2014}}

{{quote|I Seriously Have Been [[Chris and English|PUBLICALY]] INVISIBLE for YEARS! The DAMN Trolling-Stupids have manipulated me; smeared my once good name through the worst mud, muck, and bodily fluids; mentally and emotionally raped me continuously; made the worst imaginable reputation of me on the Internet, AND relayed THAT into OFFLINE LIFE in gossip, rumors, and presidentially grand Fucked-Up Campaigns!!!|[[June 2012 Facebook posts#Damn Michael Snyder|Chris vents on Facebook]] after years of trolling take their toll.}}

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2011]], near the time of his father's death.]]

[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2012]].]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris's life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross-dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full-blown transvestite (or "[[tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris seemed to have reconciled this behavior with his extreme homophobia, transphobia, and purported heterosexuality without any difficulty. Though treated as yet another saga at first, this behavior seems to be deeply entrenched and became more extreme in late 2014 and the years that followed. As mentioned previously, Chris would slowly but surely walk back his anti-LGBT stances.

[[File:Chris march2013.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2013]].]]

In [[September 2011]], Chris's father died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his mother is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her poor health is taken into account.

After Bob's death, Chris generally ceased interacting with trolls, seemingly no longer able to effortlessly bounce back from despair like he used to. Instead, Chris lapsed into a deep depression, no doubt exacerbated by the later loss of his home to fire, and subsequent financial difficulties. In the aftermath of the family tragedy, many trolls began to question whether Chris deserved or indeed, could cope with any further trolling, given that he was no longer the bellicose, [[Chris and fashion|striped-shirted]] egocentric man-child that the world had come to know and love. For many, it became apparent that Chris's glory days of screaming into a camera like a madman and performing like a circus animal for trolls offering [[china]] were over, and several moved on. The Golden Age of Chris-Chan was over.

[[File:Chris 15 Aug 2014 changed profile pic.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2014]], his long, lank, thin [[hair]] receding in earnest.]]

[[File:OmegaconB.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2015]], cosplaying as [[Vinyl Scratch]], AKA [[My Little Pony|DJ-PON3]].]]

Nonetheless, the surviving Chandlers still managed to be drama magnets in their own neighborhood. In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. (Chris had presumed that the store's new management meant that Snyder may no longer work there, thus giving Chris a chance to potentially revisit his old haunt. When this proved to not be the case, the both Chandlers hit Snyder with a car.) The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer. Much of the money that Bob left behind was used to pay for legal expenses.

While awaiting trial, Chris was worried that he may die a virgin if he were to go to prison, and so looked for ways to have at least one sexual encounter before a worst-case scenario could come to pass. [[April 2012]], Chris declared that he finally [[Mia Hamm|lost his virginity]]. This was later confirmed to be true... [[Other documents#Chris's wingman|at the hands of a prostitute]]. Chris reneged on the "true love" part of his [[Love Quest]] and skipped straight to the point, which seemed to satisfy him in the short run but otherwise wasn't a life-changing experience for him. 2012 was otherwise uneventful, probably because Chris was in trouble with [[Chris and the Law|the law]] and spent less time online than usual.

[[2013]] saw Chris's online presence more or less confined to ranting on [[Facebook]] and [[Twitter]], as well as making himself a pariah to people in real life through his actions. He began blaming people to their face for his own shortcomings which resulted in him leaving his church, getting chewed out by a voice actress from [[My Little Pony|one of his favorite shows]], upsetting the few friends he has left with his homophobia and getting thrown out of a [[Walmart]] for committing blatant vandalism. He has also complained about the "stress" taking its toll on his health ([[Chris and health|this, at least, is evident]]) and pined incessantly about being "lonely". Even the "gal-pals" Chris so fondly talked about in his high school days would end up betraying him – he found out around Halloween 2013 that they had only tolerated him out of pity and, having discovered them, were just as revolted by his antics as much as the next sane person. Of course, the miseries Chris was lamenting at this time were almost entirely products of his own behavior coming back to haunt him, something he clearly did not realize.

The year 2013 also saw the rise of quite a few new white knights as well (including actual friends he met in real life) all of whom tried to offer constructive advice to Chris, although their advice was unwelcome information and thus totally ignored, as tradition dictates. This year of Chris's life seemed to have been most characterized by his flagrant disrespect of people, things and ideas around him, resulting in his exile and loneliness which he idiotically (but predictably) did not connect with his appalling behavior.

At first, it seemed that [[2014]] would just be business as usual. That is, until [[January 2014|January]] 10th when an extension cord leading from the bathroom to a coffee maker in the hallway – which was placed in such a location due to the nature of Barb's compulsive hoarding habits, and had become frayed due to the constant closing of the door – sparked and [[2014 house fire|set the house on fire]].<ref>[[BraveryJerk Interviews]]</ref> While no human was seriously harmed, one of the [[Chandler cats]] died in the fire. The resulting damages forced Chris and his mother to temporarily [[Rental House|move out and trash a different house]]. Some of the Chandler possessions were destroyed in the fire, including most of Bob's huge record collection.

Chris and his mother ran into [[Chris and money|acute]] [[Debt|financial]] [[Financhu Crisis|difficulties]] as a result of the house fire on top of their existing income issues, and Chris had spent most of the year alternating between begging for money and taking commissions to make more of his artwork on Facebook, and selling autographed photos of himself on eBay ([[Trolls|with it being pretty clear who most of his patrons were]]). Despite the severity of the Chandler family's financial issues, Chris chose to blow literally thousands of dollars on [[Lego|children's toys]] instead of working to resolve his debts. Naturally, his "art" and photographs are only really of any value to [[True and Loyal Fanbase|fans]], who purchased these items as a means to keep a roof over Chris's head.

In July, Chris was catfished once more by a new sweetheart named [[Catherine]] after meeting her through [[OKCupid]]. She met up with him in Ruckersville and surreptitiously recorded his conversations. The relationship lasted through the end of the year, and through this process, it was learned that Chris [[Un-clit|pierced his taint]], with other media tied to Chris's life leaking as Catherine and cooperating trolls uncovered more details about his then-current life and mindset.

[[Transgender|Chris began identifying as a lesbian]] in [[August 2014]], and denied that there is no such thing as a male lesbian (citing Yahoo! Answers as proof). While he seemed to soften his stance on gay men (''very'' reluctantly), he also indicated that he hated his own duck, in addition to his pre-existing hatred of pickles in general. Chris also took up swanning around attending LGBTQ events around Charlottesville, including attending a Halloween party at a gay bar dressed as a lesbian from the 70s. At such events, he obviously mingled with people infinitely more accepting and kind than himself. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before Chris would make a more serious commitment to his lifestyle change when he officially began to transition.

==Transgender Era==

{{main|2014|2015|2016|2017}}

{{Protip|The CWCki has opted to use masculine pronouns to describe Chris, even post-transition, for the purpose of keeping consistent with records from before 2014. Chris is legally registered as female and has taken hormones to transition, but has not had gender reassignment surgery.}}

{{quote|The future shock... Me? Actually a woman? It is a lot to process. But as I recall my past, I remember in high school, my habits and nature were recognized as most feminine. And in comparing it to my experiences with the masculine, I find I actually don't like such brutish things. And looking deep in my heart and soul, [[Chris and gender|I actually find I feel more woman than the male I was born as.]] And the more I open myself to that [[Chris and English|plausible]]... I truly feel more at peace with myself. [[Chris and his ego|I love me.]] '''[[The Incredible Lioness|I am woman! Roar!]]'''|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris's fictionalized counterpart]] explaining his philosophy before becoming [[transgender]] in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]].}}

[[File:Happy Birthday, Nathan..mp400001.png|thumb|Chris in [[2016]].]]

In early December 2014, Chris informed those closest to him to start referring him with female pronouns, indicating his desire to go from transvestite to transgender. This era started with a bang when, in December, Chris [[26 December 2014|violated a ban and assaulted an employee in an outing to]] [[GameStop]] on Boxing Day. He assaulted the store's Assistant Manager, who was calling security, with mace; showing that, again, Chris has yet to learn anything from his mistakes, if he even regards them as mistakes to begin with. On top of this, Chris subsequently caused another ruckus at Walmart, just in case you started feeling bad for him after being duped by yet another fake girlfriend. Chris ultimately spent a night in the slammer, and following a lengthy legal process, got off with a $541 fine and a six-month suspended sentence.

More generally, 2015 saw Chris slowly shy away from his traditional bigotry towards men and homosexuals (while still keeping up his [[Sonic Boom Protests|ludicrous crusade against Sega over the color scheme of a certain cartoon hedgehog]] and dramatizing his experience with trolls), and finally develop enough self-awareness to try and know himself. He indicated in several Facebook posts that he was still trying to gauge his own sexuality and sexual identity; for some time, he yo-yoed between wanting to remain a transvestite and wanting to transition into womanhood.

Chris performed the sequels to some of his greatest hits in 2016:

{| class="wikitable"
|Original
|Sequel
|-
|[[Recycling]]
|[[Chris's Specimen Sample]]
|-
|[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
|[[Lesbian Sex Audition]]
|-
|[[Carlos Chantor]]
|[[Stephanie Bustcakes]]
|-
|[[Un-clit]]
|[[Self-inflicted taint wound]]
|}

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2017, donning his [[unicorn cosplay]] at [[Cville Pride]].]]

In addition, Barb was sued by two banks, due to failure to pay over $20,000 of debt, kicking off the [[Financhu Crisis]], in which she and Chris both begged for money like jackasses, while their hoards of things that they could sell were clearly visible behind them. The [[Business]] saga was suspended when Chris was [[Chris and business|banned from Etsy for failing to send orders]]. He continued to [[duck]] responsibility for his inability to put down the [[PS4]] controller long enough to slap together his preschool-level arts and crafts, choosing to blame [[Lulu]] for being "[[Homos|the bugger that bit my ass bad]] and killed my creative groove".

His Oedipal complex veered into disturbing new levels when he freely announced that he [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|dreams about having sex with his mother]]. He also made multiple death threats against political figures [[Donald Trump]] and Mike Pence.

[[File:ChrisandTeenTroonSquad.png|thumb|left|Chris with the Teen Troon Squad in [[2018]].]]

In [[2017]], the Financhu Crisis continued to stress the Chandlers. Chris offered pieces of his late father's stamp collection, the [[Sonic Totem]] and [[The Classic]] for sale in order to afford more toys, a [[$400 gold necklace]] for Barb, and the extremely costly expenses for his [[Stamps#Raffle|raffle prizes]]. He and Barb also continued begging. One of his friends from [[The End Games]] Pokémon Club grew concerned and gave him solid advice on how to apply for work through Virginia's DARS program – and in true Chris fashion, instead of following it, he went on an angry tirade. Later in the year, he was sued for failure to pay a debt to Mariner Finance.

Chris rediscovered Twitter in March. His frequent tweets to voice actresses lead to the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]] saga – in which he was chastised for calling her [[darling]], but doubled down on it and was subsequently blocked by her – and getting blocked by ''My Little Pony'' VA [[Tabitha St. Germain]] due to her getting constantly tagged by Chris and the [[weens]] orbiting him. He created sockpuppet accounts [[NightStar2891]] to plead his case and [[TwiSparLicious]] to ban-evade, which failed.

He briefly joined the [[Kiwi Farms]] forum under the name LegendaryChristorian and held a Q&A session.

A high point for his social life was attending [[BronyCon]], at which he enjoyed attention from [[fans]]. He also attended LGBT events such as [[UVA Remembers Pulse]] (where he was interviewed on TV), [[Cville Pride]] (where he was photographed by news in crowd shots), and [[Love is Love]].

Chris resumed the [[Business]] saga halfway through the year by going back to work on the [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] comic he had abandoned in 2015, by placing pages behind [[Patreon]]. He also again offered books for sale, self-published by [[Lulu]], was paid to be interviewed by [[Merryweathery]] and [[CopperCab]], and joined [[Redbubble]]. After eight years, he finally completed #11, and moved onto #12, which he completed after a few months. He began work on [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] and [[Sonichu 15|''Sonichu'' #15]], but got distracted. His Patreon efforts also began to languish around October, when patrons complained that he hadn't been sending out books.

Another sweetheart saga took place in the fall. [[Jessica Quinn]], a long-time white knight, suddenly turned troll by pretending she had fallen in love with him. She broke up with him twice, the first time he cried on camera for her to take him back, and the final time, [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|he raged on video against the trolls he thought were to blame]]. He recovered quickly after drowning his sorrows at an ice cream shop.

==Goddess Era==

{{main|2017|2018|2019|2020|2021}}

{{quote|I, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], have tried and kept on and continuing on until that day in the new [[COVID-19|Pandemic-Free]] version of this, the Omega Timeline – 'cause I'm going back in time with this body, after I get back to [[Dimensions#C-197|C-197]] – finally return this body to mama in the new timeline at [[BABSCon]]. I tell you all, as overpowered a soul I am – in my own body that I was used to and accustomed with and everything – I, Sonichu, am unable to do Mama's job as good as only she, our OG Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, of [[Dimensions#1218|Earths 1218]] and C-197, can do. [[Chris and work|This work]], [[Obesity|her body]], [[Chris and mental healthcare|her brain]], [[Chris and reality|her Goddess-level overpowers and abilities]]; [[PsychicPowers|they're all literally tailored and custom-made only for her]]... [[Messiah complex|All praise, prayers, and power to our Goddess of 1218 and C-197: Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu!]]|Chris, [[Spirit possession|pretending to be Sonichu]], [[Sonichu's Update on the Dimension Merge and Sermon - October, 2020|completely going off of the deep end]] while talking about the [[Dimensional Merge]].}}

[[File:CWC 11 February 2019.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Chris in 2019 with [[Lego|a custom LEGO minifigure]] representing his [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|godsona]], [[CPU Blue Heart]].]]

After [[Heart level|having his heart shattered]] yet again, another troll, the [[Idea Guys|Idea Guy]], began to influence Chris by role-playing as his [[imaginary friends]] and convincing him that he was providing information from [[CWCville]]'s dimension, which Chris accepted out of having his fantasy world validated; along the way, another Idea Guy joined with the first. Together, they used their influence over Chris's beliefs to [[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris|brainwash Chris into believing several things about himself]], such as the idea that he was [[bisexual]] and half-Sonichu, which ultimately culminated in Chris developing a [[Messiah complex]] derived from [[Dimensions|his own delusions about the nature of reality]] and the lore of ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]''.

[[File:Praetor5.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2020, moments before [[Sonichu's Update on the Dimension Merge and Sermon - October, 2020|giving a sermon]] of the allegedly imminent [[Dimensional Merge]].]]

When it was learned that the Idea Guys were extorting Chris, who was already facing financial difficulties, [[Null|Joshua "Null" Moon]] and the [[Guard Dogs]] intervened, exposing the Idea Guys for what they were to Chris. From there, the Guard Dogs were able to force them out from Chris's life over the course of the subsequent months, allowing Chris to unlearn some of the worst behaviors he'd been tricked into practicing. Charges were laid against the Idea Guys, but unfortunately, they never got very far. The Guard Dogs attempted to protect Chris from further bad actors by screening his messages, however, the [[Teen Troon Squad]] managed to evade them by meeting with Chris in person. The Guard Dogs alleged them to have role-played as Chris's imaginary friend [[Magi-Chan]] and Chris's retreated more into his fantasy world while under their enabling influence, although they stopped contacting Chris when they saw what happened to the Idea Guys.

Chris repeatedly denounced the Idea Guys for financially exploiting him, but the damage was done to his psyche: Chris bought into the fantasy that he was a goddess as a new coping mechanism, and his already-shaky grasp on reality hit rock bottom. Chris's new beliefs led him to seek a hippie makeover befitting of his supposed [[PsychicPowers|psychic prowess]], and he retreated further into his fantasies, generally refusing to engage with people who wouldn't entertain them. Chris eventually turned on Null, thanks to the influence of other trolls – chief among them, [[Jacob Sockness]], who sought to sexually exploit Chris. The Guard Dogs realized that there was nothing that they could do for a Chris who refused to listen, and disbanded, but a new group, known as the [[Watchmen]] (who [[Enablers|enabled some of Chris's fantasies]] out of pragmatism), sought to keep Chris from further embarrassing or endangering himself, successfully getting him away from Sockness.

Throughout all of this, Chris's belief in the Dimensional Merge has not wavered. When it didn't arrive on the prophesized date of {{w|Jonestown|November 18, 2018}}, Chris did what all doomsday cultists and religious fundamentalists did whenever the apocalypse didn't happen: push it back again and again. Not helping matters was the advent of [[COVID-19]], which Chris saw as a sign of the Dimensional Merge's progress alongside all the other insane crap that happened in the year 2020. For Chris, things really took a turn for the worse when [[BABSCon]] got canceled, and he began an elaborate coping scheme to [[Spirit possession|live-action roleplay as Sonichu]] until he could attend ''[[My Little Pony]]'' conventions again, which will not happen until 2022 at the earliest. Chris spent nearly eleven months pretending to be his [[OCs|original character]], with very few interruptions, before eventually reverting to being himself again on 25 February 2021, [[KwaiiSandbag calls|thanks to the intervention of an enabler]], to personally oppose news about the ''[[My Little Pony]]'' G5 reboot.

During this time, Chris's appearance visibly aged significantly, with his hair turning grey. He's also seemingly lost a bit of weight, not due to improving his diet and leading a less sedentary lifestyle, but due to a decline in muscular mass. This is likely a result of the effects of the hormones that he has applied to treat his gender dysphoria, alongside his declining physical health due to his various poor life decisions. In addition to his existing health problems, he's also [[Chris and drugs|taken up drinking to excess and even smoking weed on occasion]], which both do his so-called "overpowered" goddess body absolutely no favors. Compared to [[Megan Schroeder]], who is four years younger than he is and currently looks pretty close to how she did in photographs with Chris about thirteen years ago, Chris now looks like he could now pass for her aunt or uncle. Chris also continued to be influenced by enablers such as [[Larry Vaughn]], [[KwaiiSandbag]], and [[Praetor]], the last of which is a group which seeks to exploit his infamy for sales revenue. The [[Watchmen]], a white knight group which sought to protect Chris from such influences, splintered following internal conflict among its members.

==Downfall Era==

{{main|2021|2022|Affair with Mother|Jail Saga}}
{{quote|So there you go, chat: the [[Dimensional Merge]] is happening right fucking now! Chris, our boy Chris, bravo! Bravo, brave young man! I guess you could say, uh, that [[Chris and sex#Incest|he really, really came into his own]]. And in case it's not already fucking obvious, [[Jail Saga|Chris is going to jail]]. So we'll see how that works out. Best of luck Chris! [[It's UGH!|Don't drop the soap]], buddy. The world you lived in was just a fantasyland, but [[Chris and reality|reality]]... Reality is [[Affair with Mother|a motherfucker]].|A deepfake of Mister Metokur.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saeC2T4Be8k</ref>}}

[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|left|400px|{{w|Killing of Osama bin Laden|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."}}]]

After nearly a decade of a slow downward spiral in nearly all aspects of Chris's life following Bob's death, his future did not look particularly bright. By 2021, Chris had largely reduced his online activities to posting long [[Twitter]] threads of faux-philosophical ramblings reflecting his New Age Retro Hippie mindset, which bordered on being incomprehensible or [[Enablers|esoteric]]. At the same time, the Chandler family debt was steadily rising, largely due to Barb and her son's poor spending habits. In the extremely likely event that Chris outlives Barb, it was speculated that the situation would get worse for Chris with nobody to ground him in reality. Not to mention that Chris was virtually unemployable in any career after years of having every detail about his past leak out to the internet, and he hadn't made a real effort to get a job since his attempt to win [[Kacey]]'s heart, after his short-lived stints working at [[Wendy's|fast food joints]] or in [[Cutco|multi-level marketing]].

However, there was fleetingly a period of time in which there was a degree of hope for Chris. Chris successfully reconciled with Null, who eventually helped organize a trip for Chris so that he could attend [[Everfree Northwest]], a ''[[My Little Pony]]'' convention, on the condition that [[Help send Chris-Chan to Everfree NW|Chris would complete commission work in exchange for his donations]]. Null believed that this was a worthy effort in order to see if he could sustain himself as an adult through self-employment, particularly ahead of Barb's death. Chris actually kept up with these obligations, doing a considerable amount of work compared to previous months of less output. Had he kept his pace up post-convention, and with the right financial guidance, Chris could conceivably keep a roof over his head for at least another year. All seemed relatively normal for Chris as far as the post-Idea Guys status quo went, and some fans anticipated the possibility that Chris, now upset about MLP G5, would do something amusing at the convention as he prepared for the trip, just like old times.

[[File:2021_Chris_Chan_mugshot_2.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in 2021. {{w|Psycho (1960 film)|"Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly!"}}]]

What happened next turned everything completely on its head. Chris would not, in fact, be going to Everfree Northwest. He would not be going to any future convention, for that matter, as the point of no return was finally passed after years of online infamy.

On 29 July 2021, an audio recording of a conversation between Chris and the troll [[Isabella Loretta Janke]] surfaced online, featuring a graphic discussion in which [[Affair with Mother|Chris described sexual acts that he committed with his own mother]] – a felony – over the course of several weeks. While trolls joked about Chris potentially committing incest before, few actually believed that he was capable of acting on those impulses and taking advantage of an elderly (and possibly senile) woman. Once these details got out, nothing would ever be the same: he and Barb were separated by the [[Jerkops|authorities]], he had to vacate his only home due to a week-long protective order, he was very quickly banned from the convention that he'd hoped to attend, and his [[Patreon]] account – one of his few real sources of income – was taken down. Null quickly washed his hands of Chris for good, not only after learning that the audio leak was legitimate, but also when he realized that Chris effectively stole approximately $750 from Barb to fund his stay at a hotel. Chris was [[Jail Saga#Arrest|arrested]] on 1 August 2021, an event which was live-streamed by [[Post-Merge Era|multiple orbiters]]. Chris's actions during this time trended on social media and were covered by various news outlets, including getting a segment on Fox News, which in turn exposed him to millions of boomers.

Chris spent the next several months in jail after being arrested by the Henrico County sheriffs department, awaiting a court hearing set for 28 [[July 2022]], following three continuances. While waiting in jail, Chris's [[Messiah complex|delusions of godhood]] have spiraled out of control as he now believes himself to be {{w|Jesus|Jesus of Nazareth}} reincarnated and the [[Dimensional Merge]] to be proceeding entirely as planned. During this time, Chris has kept in touch with the outside world via a multitude of [[Jail Communications]] discussing a variety of subjects, from his jail conditions to [[Chris and religion|his renewed interest in the Bible]] and [[Weening|ween]] attempts to convert him to Islam through reading the Qur'an. These letters and phone calls have also revealed that Chris has been kept in protective custody for his own safety.

Early into [[March 2022]], it was learned that Chris was transferred out of jail into an unknown facility, believed to be the Western State Hospital mental institution. Chris is expected to continue his residence there until he has another court hearing, and as such, Chris is isolated from the outside world and what he is currently up to will most likely remain unknown until his next hearing. It is also possible that Chris may have been declared incompetent to stand trial, and as such, Chris may remain in the mental hospital indefinitely, with a return to jail most likely if it is determined that Chris got better after his stay.

==Future==
As it stands, Chris is set to remain in custody of the mental hospital that he's currently in for several months in a best-case scenario. With a lack of communication to and from wherever Chris is currently residing, there is no clear way of knowing if or when he may be released and returned to a jail facility, or if Chris has been deemed incompetent to stand trial and is being hospitalized so the state can keep tabs on him for potentially years while hoping that the legal issues ultimately blow over. Presuming that Chris is released from the hospital and the court hearings resume, there are many ways that the trial may go.

At best, Chris may get off scot-free aside from receiving mandatory therapy; albeit while still being registered as a sex offender, which would [[List of places that have banned Chris#Looking ahead|ban him for a minimum of 15 years]] (if not outright permanently) from any place attended by minors (including the conventions and gaming/toy stores he likes going to so much), as well as barring him from accessing the Internet without supervision. At worst, he's looking at a significant amount of prison time on top of being virtually unemployable upon release, likely unable to get income online since his fanbase has lost sympathy for him, and he'd be especially screwed since his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] would be permanently revoked under such circumstances. And even when he ''does'' eventually get out of jail, he won't be allowed to set foot in [[14 Branchland Court]] ever again. Once [[Chris and death#Barbara Chandler|Barb passes away]], the house itself will likely be foreclosed upon and potentially [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|condemned]] in order to resolve the [[Financhu Crisis]] and to pay for her funeral expenses.

His options from there are as follows:

[[File:Cwcpaddedcell credit Un Platano.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|Chris in the present]], following his arrest (albeit without Barb in the background, due to the restraining order).]]

* He can try to seek out another family member to live off of (virtually impossible, and even more so after previous family members refused to shelter Chris after learning that he had sex with Barb; additionally, he has had next-to-no contact with any of them in recent years).
* A social worker could help place him into assisted living (something Null even offered to help with until the incest fallout and Chris stealing $750 from Barb shortly before his arrest drove him away; so this is theoretically possible, but quite unlikely).
* He can attempt to beg online to live with someone (which would be next-to impossible due to him being inhumanly intolerable to live with and the fact that how having sexual relations with his elderly mother for months would be a clear sign that nobody would want to adopt him), with [[Jacob Sockness]] being the only possible taker.
* He can voluntarily or forcefully be committed into a mental hospital (possible but not probable, since Chris has refused to get mental help for his entire life and would probably refuse to co-operate if forced by the state, as he has done before).
* He can get his prison sentence extended under charges related to [[28 October 2011|some violent]] [[26 December 2014|crime he committed]] long ago (very likely, as Virginia is a three-strike law state, Chris has already committed two serious felonies, and his incest is very likely going to be his third strike, resulting in a much tougher sentence).
* Finally, he can enter the so-called "Homeless Saga" and live as a vagrant on the streets (another very likely outcome, after Chris serves his prison sentence), putting himself at risk of getting robbed, assaulted, and gangbanged by weens, A-Logs, and criminals until his eventual death; be it by [[Death threats|homicide]], [[Chris and Death#Suicide|suicide]], [[Chris and drugs|substance abuse]], or a [[Biology#Health_and_Disease|fatal illness]] contracted from an unhealthy vagrant lifestyle.

Some of these options are better than others, but none of them are ideal for him. This is also to say nothing of [[Chris and health|his many existing issues with mental and physical health]] (both of which will continue to decay and show no sign of recovering anytime soon), as well as his notoriety. The latter is an especially dangerous issue for Chris while he's incarcerated, because it means that if he does not remain in some form of protective custody while serving his sentence<ref>[[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (Stories from the Penitentiary)]]</ref>, there is a significant likelihood that he'll [[Kick the Autistic|become a target amongst inmates]] and be subjected to extreme sexual and/or physical violence and other such abuse; especially with the high rates of discrimination and assault that transgender and autistic people often unfortunately face while in prison, regardless of reputation.

In any case, Chris's story is one that seems fated to [[Chris and Death#Chris himself (1982–)|not have a happy ending]], with his life perhaps serving as a cautionary tale in the age of the internet. A tale of [[Borb|bad parenting]], [[Chris and socialization|social isolation]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|gullibility]], [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and work|laziness]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]], [[Chris and sex|sexual deviancy]], and most importantly, a tale of the world witnessing in real-time the slow, painful degradation of another human being.

==Featured Fan Videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| ytid = DxAhBoYfWy4
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan ~ Ruler of Everything
| ytid = Wul6LgL8FvI
| Stardate = 4 March 2021
| Maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIbrqVkPdL_5qrgjwHYytQg First Son]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] – Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] – Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:Christianchandler]] – Chris's own CWCki account

{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}
{{References}}

==External links==
[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ Christian Weston Chandler] at the {{w|Internet Movie Database}}

{{Newbie}}
{{Check this out}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Cole Smithey

2022-04-26T23:02:41Z

Broseph:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Cole Smithey
| image = [[File:Coles.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Joseph Cole Smithey
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = The Smartest Film Critic in the World Joe Cool<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Coleslaw
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1960s|24 July 1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White
|label8 = Spouse
|data8 = Katherine Kyle (2013 – present)
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (biological father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]]
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Christian Weston Chandler]] (half-brother)
|label14 = Education
|data14 = [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]]
|label15 = Occupations
|data15 = Magician's assistant (1967-1976) Film critic Musician Tour guide
}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone ([[Bob Chandler|living]]) escapee of the [[Chandler Family Tree|Casa de Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios".<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

Barb married Ran on 17 June 1961. He allegedly deserted her on April 28, 1962.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/interesting-info-about-chriss-family-particularly-their-parents.27521/page-5#post-2009970</ref> She formally divorced him on 15 May 1963. Cole was born two months later.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/interesting-info-about-chriss-family-particularly-their-parents.27521/</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|Barb and Ran's marriage license.
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|The divorce.
Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.
File:Cole Smithey's family tree.png|Cole's family tree
</gallery></center>

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him. It is also suggested he collected comics as a hobby and was a big fan of Kiss.

===California (1980-96)===
Cole left home in 1980 at the age of 16 or 17 and moved to California.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Not long after moving, he had a sinus infection which came close to killing him.<ref>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref> This was the first of at least two near-death encounters in his life. Cole's LinkedIn profile states that he attended [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] from 1981-84, studying Dramatic Art and Music.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college he was the drummer for a [[wikipedia:Poway, California|Poway]]-based punk rock band called "The Rockin' Dogs" which played shows in the San Diego area. The band was formed in 1981 and broke up in 1985.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref>

Cole later moved to Northern California. At some point he attended [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] and [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]], where he pursued a similar course of study. His LinkedIn profile does not mention him receiving a degree from any of the three schools he attended.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> In July 1989 the Chandler household, including Chris, flew to San Francisco to celebrate Cole's 26th birthday. This was the only time they came to visit him during his entire 16-year tenure in California. By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded" and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

In 1996 he moved to New York.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref>

===Present===
{{quote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|Cole in his infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review, quite clearly seeing Chris in Andy.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a wannabe pretentious hipster douchebag and the other being a socially stunted retarded manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World" (a title that the late, esteemed film critic {{w|Roger Ebert}} once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>), Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years have been literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have rather low production values, and negative reviews of well-received films (like ''Toy Story 3'' and ''Lady Bird'', which we will get to). On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema"].

{{Squote|''Wild Strawberries'' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondence with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}}, Cole once came close to death from {{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis}} after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis,<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref> and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda".<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

Cole has co-hosted a free weekly podcast called LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST)<ref>https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/la-grande-bouffe-the-big-feast/id1120760479?mt=2</ref> since 23 April 2016.

In December 2017, Cole repeated his ''Toy Story'' trick by being the first critic to give ''{{w|Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird}}'' a negative review, ruining its perfect 100% Rotten Tomatoes score from 196 previous reviewers. Cole added fuel to the firestorm of criticism he received by admitting to spoiling the film's score on purpose.<ref>[https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2017/12/14/film-critic-spoiled-lady-birds-perfect-rotten-tomatoes-score-basically-admits-hes-troll/]</ref>

On 30 September 2020, Cole allegedly sent flowers to Barb for her 79th birthday. Many people believe, however, that it wasn’t actually Cole, but a [[ween]] pretending to be him. After the flowers were received, Chris made a video, showing Barb’s gratitude for the flowers, and claiming that in Dimension C-197, Cole and Iron Man hang out a lot, and that he’ll get to meet Batman in New Jersey when the Dimensional Merge happens.

It remains unknown how Cole reacted to the news that Chris was committing [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with Barb, except for the fact that he stopped allowing [[Twitter]] users to reply to his tweets and deleted one tweet from [[July 2021]] which had been flooded with replies about incest.

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message for John Kyle|complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices. As the [[Financhu Crisis]] progressed, Barb has seemingly expressed interest in meeting Cole, although it's not clear if this is to try to mooch off of her son or if she wants to try to bond with him before she croaks.

Of course, Cole would do well not to bother with Chris and Barb's (dubious) pleas for a visit, given Barb's history of manipulation and dishonesty (such that he even once [[Cole Smithey E-mails|referred to her actions as "pathological behaviour"]]), not to mention her history of abusing him during his formative years.

===Reaction to Bob's death===
{{Quote|Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops.|Cole Smithey, [[Cole Smithey E-mails|three years prior]].}}

Shortly after [[Bob_Chandler#Later_life.2C_poor_health_and_death|Bob's death]] on 6 [[September 2011]], a troll on [[/cow/|789chan]] contacted Cole using the phone number he provided in his [[Cole Smithey E-mails|leaked emails]]. In spite of his vitriol towards Bob three years prior, he was apparently quite broken up by the news. While Cole was certainly upset at Bob, his reaction to Bob's actual death shows that he ultimately did sympathize with him. While no audio of this call has ever been released, it's existence is confirmed by those who browsed the board at the time.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-cole-smithey-thread.84/post-10170 A Kiwi Farms member's account of the call.]</ref><ref>http://archive.is/kHrWN A TinyChat thread posted days after Bob's death, confirming the call's existence. (Post "#134,774")Anonymous A</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg||thumb|left|200px|Depicted burning his money instead of giving it to Chris, as drawn by Chris in June 2016. Note in the picture it says "mother and [[Transgender|sister]]".]]

Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. When he was eventually able to speak again around age seven, Chris visited Cole in San Francisco along with Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has ever been on an airplane,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> the only time he had ever been to the West Coast of the United States and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

Cole's relationship with his family became somewhat closer after he moved back to the East Coast in 1996. He came to visit them in Virginia on various occasions, although they never visited him in New York. For New Year's Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year". However, in [[1999]], on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have been referring to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!''. Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

The last time they set eyes on each other was at the 2004 Weston family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine#The_bowling_outing]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story (It's unclear why Cole expected anything else). Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video). This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding (Kyle would later reveal that, until the video was brought to his attention by a troll, he had not even known that his sister's husband had a half-brother).<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[2009-2016 tweets#29 June 2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in ''Super Smash Bros.''. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out", he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with", Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head", Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment "a few buildings down East 90th from Carnigee [''sic''] Hall" and that he once lived at Carnegie Hall itself.<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> In reality, [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hall|Carnegie Hall]] is not near East 90th Street, and nobody lives ''at'' Carnegie Hall—it's a concert hall, not an apartment building. East 90th Street actually passes through [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hill|Carnegie ''Hill'']], a neighborhood on Manhattan's Upper East Side. This lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to "[[Chris and hypocrisy|piss and burn]]" while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

In May 2017, Chris mocked Cole on Twitter, stating [[Hypocrisy|"Oh my gosh, my half brother is suddenly begging for money now"]]. Cole was asking his fans to pledge to him on Patreon,<ref>[https://youtube.com/watch?v=2SqUJhND-mY]</ref> suggesting he has also [[Financhu Crisis|hit rock bottom]]. Chris said he would pledge to him, but he still hasn't apologized or made up with Barb. Ironically, in screencaps obtained from [[Night Star]] by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], Chris would accidentally reveal the fact that he indeed tried to pledge to him but Cole had long since blocked him, making it clear once again that he really wanted nothing to do with his old life.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/night-star-delivers-christines-side-of-the-story.33062/</ref>

In December 2017, Chris wanted to drive to New York to confront Cole. He tried to channel his Sonichu power to conjure up Cole's address but was unsuccessful and did not attempt to make the trip.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>

On 30 [[September 2020]], Barb received a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, ostensibly from Cole (although it is more likely from a [[ween]]). Chris ([[Spirit possession#Sonichu|while roleplaying as Sonichu]]) recorded a video of Barb thanking Cole, before turning the camera back to himself and informing Cole that he (Cole) had been hanging out with various superheroes from Marvel and DC, and encouraging Cole to get back into contact with Chris via his publicly available cell phone number.<ref>[[To Cole Smithey, from Barb, and Sonichu (Prime)]]</ref>

===Offering Cole's stuff for sale===
{{see also|Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)|More of Cole’s Things for Sale}}

Chris began offering pieces of Cole's belongings for sale via [[eBay]] in March 2018.

==Cole in the comics==
Throughout the original run of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Cole was only referenced in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] as "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the {{w|Pichu|Pichu}} who would become Rosechu. Chris later marketed a custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a [[Jerkop]], seemingly foreshadowing his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe. It was not clear for several years whether the original "Professor Cole" character was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|still canon]].

Cole finally appears in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] as, indeed, a Jerkop, brainwashed by [[Count Graduon]]. [[Reldnahc]] uses Cole to "distract [Chris] with family" in order to get the drop on him. He is bizarrely depicted as a gray-haired, mustached old man with a trilby. Comic Chris immediately identifies him as his brother [[Chris and writing|despite Cole never appearing in the comic before]], made all the more confusing by the same battle also featuring Chris's imaginary [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] and [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|evil twin]].

In 2019, Chris confirmed that Cole was the Pokémon Professor during 2003, but stated his "methods and ideals were varied", and his work was "faltering" by 2005, leading to his demotion in favour of a smoking-hot graduate whose body Chris describes in vivid detail. A year later, he "quite" and moved to New York to become a full-time movie reviewer.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-4-14-chris-makes-up-new-oc-to-spite-cole-smithey.55406/</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [https://ghostarchive.org/archive/mDT18 Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Sweetheart

2021-03-30T22:20:57Z

Broseph: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a nearly 40 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment and living on your own are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. As of [[2019]], this habit has been coming back to bite him in the ass harder than ever as the [[Financhu Crisis|Chandler finances sink into an all-time low]]. Refusing to take responsibility, he has [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's rights#In real life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children]], and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barbara Chandler#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and, if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow, his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]]).

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men]]. He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be unto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO'''. For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry).

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a financial nightmare. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to almost never being employed and all that, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Chris and video games

2021-02-15T20:32:02Z

Broseph: /* Chris, the Console Peasant */

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|And [[Bob Chandler|Christian's father]] says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game, and then...move onto another! I can't master any of them.|A TV anchorwoman on a younger Chris winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game console once. [[Chris humps his PS3|It did not work out all that well]].]]

In case a cursory glance at this wiki did not tell you, Chris likes '''video games'''. Very much. In fact, Chris definitely has spent more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] and [[Chris and sex|give him her]] [[china]]. He has said he spends between two and four hours a day playing games,<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]</ref> and that figure is likely higher than what he admits to.

Without delving too deeply into armchair psychiatry, it is not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal to Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[Autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. This is one of the reasons he has so much difficulty in the real world — the rules keep changing on him- if he figures out the rules in the first place. In the artificial world of video games, the challenges are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to comprehend and surmount. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. [[Chris and reality|Reality isn't quite as simple]], which is why he spends as little time out there as possible.

==Early Years==
Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a [[Commodore 64]] home computer system. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], he has been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] and added $1,000 worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back all the way to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, conservatively, nearly 850 different game titles across twenty different platforms. He sold off roughly one hundred games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but this hardly depletes the reserves, at all. He also maintained an account with the mail-order rental service GameFly until [[August 2010]].

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he has downloaded through the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System, and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles make up less than 15-10% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely owns, or at one point owned, an original Xbox console. However, it is not known how much time he has spent on Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he has gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It is possible that he has had to replace a few of the infamously fragile apparatuses for overuse, but this could also be an indication that he bought the systems and games in bundles.

It is virtually impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into Chris's game collection over the past few decades. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for--there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video-game-related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty-dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it is possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the former theory.

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games, ''racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years,<ref>[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/]</ref> or 150 payments a year. This list includes useless shovelware, Virtual Console games, and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he does not even like.]] Of these, 276 purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles (''buying '''4''' DS and DSi consoles''), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind that 39% of the purchases Chris has on his account (such as Skylanders figures, amiibos, and his Wii U Virtual Console purchases) are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high figure. Apparently, his main attention and [[Nintendo Power Magazine|fanboyism]] has shifted from PlayStation back to Nintendo, for unknown reasons.

This leak also revealed that Chris plays almost every game demo available on the eShop, Nintendo's online downloadable video game store, even if he has no interest in said game. This leak also confirmed he had bought every single [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game and primary [[Pokémon]] RPG, proving that he is still a major fanboy of [[Sonichu (comic)|both franchises]], and also confirmed that he still makes many purchases multiple times over for no apparent reason, such as of ''Wario's Woods''.

==Game Preferences==
Going on what evidence is available, such as what he has talked about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, and what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around, Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. Though he puts an inordinate level of effort and time into gaming, he does so playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward more mainstream and less "hardcore" audiences. His favorite racing game, ''ModNation Racers'', is a straightforward title that allows players to create their own tracks and cars. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a rabid following with its level editor, but otherwise, it is just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements obtained by playing simple downloadable demoscene and indie productions.

Chris has purchased a fair share of M-rated games, such as ''Family Guy: The Video Game'', ''Grand Theft Auto'', and ''Call of Duty''<ref>[[List of Chris's video games]]
</ref>, which shows that his interest in games is not necessarily limited to the E rating. These games, however, tend to be fairly shallow in terms of gameplay. ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music, and tricky real-time strategy elements, for the most part, the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and the majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-'em-up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer]]'s other quirky, offbeat games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[random-access humor]] of those games, it is more likely that they were too intelligent for him, and thus hold no appeal to his childish mind. Chris's interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was most likely due to Jack Black voicing the main character, and possibly [[Chris and music|his failed attempts to be seen as a connoisseur of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less out of compulsion. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It is reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections and a house full of junk. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely common or poor quality games that are easily bought at low prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning. This habit seems to be picked up from [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] and continues to this day in the form of eShop shovelware and Virtual Console downloads.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris does not play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he evinces no interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy – he has even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games of which he already owns physical copies. Even during his short ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'' phase in late 2017, he only showed an interest in the anime adaptation of the games and has never shown any indication he has either been interested in or played the games.

Despite being obsessed with ''Pokémon'', he is not a hardcore Nintendo fan as some might suspect. He never seems to show interest in the latest content from Nintendo, and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (such as games from the ''Metroid'', ''The Legend of Zelda'' and ''Mario'' franchises) are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks. However, a January 2014 leak by a Nintendo Employee revealed that Chris had, in fact, returned to his Nintendo roots, buying nearly every single game on the eShop.

He owns almost no sports games. In the [[Mailbag 2|Mailbag]], he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he did not explain exactly [[Obesity|why.]]

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games marketed towards his own age group, which is unsurprising. "Hardcore" games aimed at "adults" are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that are not two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably would not be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the ''Hannah Montana'' PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he has taken to playing games he would not normally be doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[Japanophilia|weeaboo]]" label, Chris does not appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he has told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brütal Legend''), Canada (''ModNation Racers''), and Europe (''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they are obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spin-offs from popular anime, especially magical girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There is also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's inclinations to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, the chances he goes to arcades are slim.

==Chris, the Brave Console Warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious affairs, and engages in them with all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions, he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he does not mince words when describing the vile, loathsome, and blatantly stupid [[HEXBox]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Video games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It is hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but to call it "religious" is not hyperbole. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or research into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like a collection of marketing buzzwords (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autist, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the GameCube, stating that both the predecessors of the PS3 stank as much as the original Xbox. His feelings changed when he bought a PS1 at a "rummage sale" for cheap, intending to resell it elsewhere for profit, but instead played it and found it was not bad.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref> One would expect this to be a lesson against nonsensical [[Chris and brand loyalty|brand loyalty]], but instead Chris just focused his hatred on Microsoft. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

When asked what his thoughts were on the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nintendo_Switch Nintendo Switch], Nintendo's up and coming console for 2017, Chris responded in Chris [[Mailbag 29|fashion]], and simply stated that he has no [[Exercise|thoughts]] on it, due to being [[stress|preoccupied]].

[[File:Thoughts_On_Switch_Jan_19_2017.png|thumb|[[Mailbag 29|Whatever]]]]

Unsurprisingly, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it is the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he does not like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that is what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|ceaselessly rants about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and Online Gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris is not fond of online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he has put little time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while, early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he will develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here: Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. It is a mystery, then, why this would wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games, but such is the nature of Chris. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he willing wastes on worthless digital trinkets through Nintendo and the PSN. For all the good it has done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger syndrome]].

Recently, Chris has started playing online games on his Switch and PC, playing titles such as Tetris 99 and PayDay 2.

===Chris, the Trophy Whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off on his PlayStation Network profile. He has doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC Games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he has ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He also owned a copy of the first ''[[Lego Island]]'' game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He failed to indicate why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

Due to the influence of the [[Idea Guys]] and him acquiring a decent computer, Chris has picked up PC gaming. He has a steam profile and has played PayDay 2, at least. {{cite}}

==Chris, the Industry Insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He was an avid reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine. As for publications and/or other media sources that have since gone defunct, he was also a dedicated reader of Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly followed the G4 cable network; he apparently even still took the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a passing interest in the games' business.

==Chris, the Game Designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}

At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It is telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with [[Megan Schroeder|Megan's]] quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he has gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and it is not actually known what that game is supposed to amount to, beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It is entirely possible that the answer is unknown to Chris himself.

Nevertheless, Chris sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial success. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and Customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output has not shown too much actual competence, but it is not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''F-Zero GX'' and ''Jet Set Radio'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He has splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

====Sonic World====
Chris became interested in Sonic the Hedgehog fan game and modding project [[Sonic World]] in late 2020. After joining its [[Discord]] group, he requested creators make based on Sonichu and his female obsession at the time, [[ProjectSNT]]. In December of that year, Chris found a Sonichu mod and wished to add his voice acting into it. While he did want to get into contact with the original creator and ask if he could add to the mod, Chris opted going without permission and downloaded the mod, replaced the original voice clips with his own, and reposted it. Because of the original mod's appropriation, Chris was banned from the mod-hosting website GameBanana. He was banned from the Sonic World Discord group not long after due to his passive-aggressive-yet-[[Messiah complex|megalomaniacal]] confrontation with the Sonichu mod's creator.

==Chris's Perception of Video Game Technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of ''Sonichu'' #10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"), even though he could easily check and see that he cannot play his copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' on his Wii, although he is either too lazy, or is afraid of having [[14 Branchland Court|his house]] raided by [[jerkop]]s.

Neither is he aware of the technology's current capabilities. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a PokéBall peripheral which could display holographs, which can only be seen in science fiction, currently.

==Recent Years==
In a surprising twist of fate, Chris's passion for gaming seems to have subsided. It has been months since he touched his [[PS4]] and has not shown much interest in the new PlayStation's first and third party titles. It is likely he spends a lot more time playing on his Switch, but a look at his [[Twitter|tweets]] and [[Wish list]] suggest he is busy [[Television|binging TV shows and movies]].

He has not even made mention of the new generation of consoles that are slated for release in a few months.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
File:Mail4b.jpg|Pictures of Chris's PSN profile on the PS3
File:Mail6e.jpg
File:Mail3vah.jpg
File:Mail1lbf.jpg
File:Mail5.jpg
File:Mail2u.jpg
File:Maildma.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's video games]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Club Nintendo]]
* [[Fandoms]]
* [[PlayStation 3]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

{{Chris and}}
{{Health}}

[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Bob Chandler

2017-03-14T01:08:52Z

Broseph:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| [[Bob Walks In|The Internet Lumberjack]] Mr. C Bobby
|-
| '''Born'''
| 4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]
|-
| '''Died'''
| 6 [[September 2011]] (aged {{Age|1927|9|4|2011|9|6}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/4th [[Cherokee]]<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>)
|-
| '''Marriage'''
| Patricia Faye Harley (1956-1980) 
[[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Weston]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler 
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]

[[Cole Smithy]] (stepson)
|-
| '''Grandchildren'''
| [[Savannah Chandler]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (father) Jean Holloman (mother)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, engineer
|-
|}

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]- 6 September [[2011]] <ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], the stepfather of [[Cole Smithey]], and husband of [[Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's antipathy towards him and for his infamous cameo when he walked in on Chris [[mass debating]];<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> his nickname, "The [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] Lumberjack," came from this incident, no pun intended.

Despite being estranged from his other children and despised by his stepson, Bob was widely viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]]. This was due to Bob being somewhat concerned with Chris's idiotic behavior, and the fact that he occasionally tried to encourage a modicum of responsibility in Chris's pathetic life, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising the selfish manchild. Of course, Chris was almost entirely unaffected by Bob's efforts to better him, but unlike Barb he at least made the effort.

Bob was always eager to chat, and indeed much of the known information about Bob's life comes from conversations he had with trolls. Whether in person or over the phone Bob appeared to relish the opportunity to speak with just about anyone.

Bob died of complications from heart failure on 6 September 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref>

==Biography==
Bob was born in [[Wikipedia:Fort Worth, Texas|Fort Worth, Texas]]<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and was, according to his freshman Auburn University yearbook, raised in [[Wikipedia:Sylacauga, Alabama|Sylacauga, Alabama]].<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref> He was the first child of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM</ref>-27 December 1977<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6</ref>), an Insurance Agent from Alabama who was allegedly half Cherokee, and Jean Holloman (1906<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-12M</ref>-10 May 1945<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8</ref>), a Housewife from Texas.<ref>http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2y47mWzzz1qblvg5o1_1280.jpg (Mirror: [[:File:Bob Chandler's birth certificate.jpg]])</ref> Bob mentioned having a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> His Cherokee heritage was disputed by a distant relative.<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree#Ancestry.com content]]</ref>
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|right|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]

Bob has said that he was "interested in the world" around him since he was ten, and began collecting foreign stamps as a child in the [[1930s]]. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting some 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> It is not clear how this collection fared in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], but it was apparently not a total loss, as Chris offered to sell some of the albums to [[Catherine]]'s cousin Al in late 2014.

===Service and education===

A 1942 yearbook from Sylacauga High School in Bob's hometown of Sylacauga, Alabama (which can be seen on Classmates.com) lists a "Bobby Chandler" as a member of the freshman class and as a member of the school's glee club, suggesting that he graduated from this school in the spring of 1945 before matriculating at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama as an Aeronautical Engineering major during the fall of this year.

Bob was drafted out of College as a special draftee who apparently had knowledge that the Army desired (Majoring in Aeronautical Engineering, Auburn University, Freshman p. 95 of the 1946 yearbook [http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/4124/rec/14]) in 1946 after [[Wikipedia:World War II|World War II]] and placed in [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|the Signal Corps]]. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. After basic training and Signal School, Bob was sent to Korea for a year to install infrastructure with the American occupation force. He was entitled to the WWII Victory Medal due to the dates of his service and his service number was 44107856 [http://aad.archives.gov/aad/record-detail.jsp?dt=893&mtch=11&tf=F&q=Chandler&bc=&sort=24996%20desc&rpp=10&pg=4&rid=8565331&rlst=5136538,4652469,8564216,1000879,987835,4549799,991002,8565331,5188385,8565346]. When he got out in 1948 he studied Pre-Engineering for two years at Jacksonville State Teachers College in Jacksonville, Alabama. He then returned to Auburn University where he studied Electrical Engineering and graduated in 1952 (page 269 of the 1952 yearbook) [http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/16173/rec/20] [[Wikipedia:G.I. Bill|G.I. Bill]].<ref name="About" />
[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|left|Bob served in Korea, and, thankfully for Chris, who believes that he was a sperm carried in one of his father's testicles during that time, he left before the Korean War broke out.]]

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college (Jacksonville) after leaving the military. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto [[Wikipedia:Auburn University|Auburn University]], a big college, to earn a type of engineering degree, although it's never specified (mechanical, electrical etc.).<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref> While he was at Auburn, he was a member of Phi Mu Alpha, a social frat dedicated to men who are interested in music.

===Career===
Bob worked for [[Wikipedia:Western Electric|Western Electric]] as an engineer for 40 years. There he designed a variety of electrical subsystems. He eventually went to work for General Electric in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the [[Wikipedia:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]] "might not have arrived so soon", <ref name="Barbara" /> Ignoring the fact that the NES was designed and released in Japan in 1983 without the influence of the American electronics.

Examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

When exactly Bob did retire is not known. During the 1980s the standard age of retirement for men in America was 65, with many choosing to retire even sooner.<ref>[https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/growing-older-america-health-and-retirement-study/chapter-2-work-and-retirement Growing Older in America: The Health and Retirement Study]</ref> Bob was born in 1927, meaning that he was most likely retired by the late 80s or early 90s. The ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' article about Chris's name change clearly says that Bob was retired at the time the article was publised (29 December [[1993]]).<ref>[[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES]]</ref>

Bob himself was proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he was "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.<ref name="About" />

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob Chandler learning how to cut that Internet down ]]

{{quote|I have been very interested in the world since I was 10 years old, and that was 70 years ago and, the, uh, I'm very fond of and I really truly believe in the United Nations, but you won't find anybody else in my countryside or around here, I think, that does. (laughing) But anyway, I'm very world conscious.|[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|Bob]]}}

Politically, Bob was identified as a [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in [[Wikipedia:United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election]].<ref name="Prank calls"/> With that being said, in the time leading to the [[wikipedia:Virginia gubernatorial election, 2009|Virginia gubernatorial election of 2009]], Bob had misgivings about [[wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]], the Republican candidate and eventual winner of the election. Bob and Chris considered the option of writing in Snoopy rather than voting for any of the candidates listed on the ballot.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Wikipedia: The answer to everything]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> However, he rather damningly failed to question why Julie spoke perfect English with an American accent.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia Harley on 25 September 1956. They had two children, [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]].

Bob and Patricia separated on 28 June 1976 before divorcing on 28 January 1980.<ref name="BobObit" /><ref>[[:File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png]]</ref> Bob's relationships with David and Carol were strained in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Chris did not know he had a niece, via David, named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>, and Bob's relationship with Carol was even more strained. According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. None of the Chandlers knew what was going on with her, and last they heard she was working for the government, implying that she did not show up to her father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" />

They got married in 1980,<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> only months after Bob and Patricia had divorced.<ref>[[:File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg]]</ref>

According to Chris, Barbara did not have sex with Bob for at least two decades before his passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops," <ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he did so. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though there isn't any proof that Bob hated Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

When Chris was a boy, Bob encouraged him to learn more about the world and tried sharing his interests and hobbies, including engineering, geography and stamp collecting.

When Chris was seven, Bob converted a shed in the backyard of [[14 Branchland Court]] to a workshop where he and Chris could build things together, dubbing it the "dreaming studio." Chris could not recall what they had built together when asked about it in the years following Bob's death;<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> he and Barb had been using the space for hoard storage.

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris about foreign geography such as [[Julie|Europe]] and [[PandaHalo|Australia]], but he thought (correctly) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[television]], and only can associate with the places he's physically been to in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob enjoyed collecting stamps as a boy growing up in the 1930s, and he continued to do so for several decades, with a focus on the United Nations and foreign countries<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>, building a collection of stamp albums which filled six boxes<ref>[[I'm selling my father's stamp collection; come on down and buy some of it]]</ref>. He taught Chris about his hobby, buying him a beginner's stamp album in 1992<ref>[[eBay#Chris's stamp album]]</ref>. Chris seemed to enjoy the hobby as well, since he had many pages of stamps filled in. In 2017, Chris began selling pieces of Bob's stamp collection to pay [[Financhu Crisis|bills]]. True to form, he priced Bob's valuable pieces at decent prices, generally for $5 per set, but tried to sell his personal stamp album for $1,000.<ref>[[eBay]] - see listings for their stamp collections.</ref>

Bob's racist joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, [[Chris and health#hygiene|rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks]] (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time[sic], and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

However, the many instances of Bob communicating with trolls show that he was generally pleasant and amicable, not at all inclined to start arguments, as Chris asserts. The antagonism to which Chris refers is likelier to be Bob attempting to constructively criticize Chris in order to better him, as Chris deeply resents being told what he does not want to hear.
[[File:Bob drawing Nov. '15.jpg|thumb|200px|left|The only known drawing of Bob by Chris, released in [[November 2015]].]]
An example of this criticism was Bob telling Chris that, since Bob had looked after Chris for 29 years despite his childish and outrageous behavior, Chris should show more gratitude towards him. Chris was completely dismissive, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, and seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help". Reinforcing Bob's point, Chris would still run for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the success that he has earned from his own Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seemed to be the origin of Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|Bob and a younger Christian. Note Chris's "Family Bonding" shirt.]]
Once during a phone call with trolls, Bob stated that Chris had accomplished significant goals in his adult life. However, it is unknown if Bob actually believes that (not to mention what accomplishments he was referring to), or it was just something he was saying because he didn't want to admit to complete strangers that his son was a total failure in life and a leech on society.<ref name="Prank"><s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</s> (dead link as of Jul 2014)</ref>

He seemed never to get past the notion that Chris could and had achieved things, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's e-mails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiralling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a fag.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref> Confidential details collected after Bob's death, however, suggests Chris was more emotionally attached than he let on, providing rare and precious evidence that Chris doesn't take the presence or others for granted.

In [[December 2012]], Chris uploaded the soundtrack from the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon]], in which Bob was a performer and a host. It was notable as one of the few moments where Chris publicly honored his father's memory since the latter's passing in [[September 2011]].

Bob lives on his son's memory. Chris noted the occasion of his father's passing by attaching angel wings to the [[Lego]] minifigure representing him,<ref>Seen at 4:24 in [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]].</ref> and often visits Bob in his [[dreams]].<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|March 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref><ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|OkCupid Answers]]</ref>

==Later life and poor health==

Bob lived on social security and his General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He never really had people to chat with at home (he would ramble to [[Trolls|total strangers]] on the phone if he could), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. The two triple bypass operations took place in August, 1980. He wore an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build up in his legs, which is symptomatic of heart failure. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Despite his heart troubles he continued to eat at [[Burger King]] daily.<ref>[[Prank calls#Calls to Bob and Chris]]</ref><ref>[[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)]]</ref>

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|tweeted]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [''sic''] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]". Chris seemed confident that his father was not in for a long stay. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of his heart failure]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only arose [[Ego|when Chris was inclined to complain about it online]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies,<ref>[http://www.heart.org/idc/groups/heart-public/@wcm/@hcm/documents/downloadable/ucm_300315.pdf American Heart Association PDF "What Is Heart Failure?"]</ref> but Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a very serious situation.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. His silence on the subject of his father was probably because of [[Naive|genuine ignorance]] of the seriousness of his father's condition.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."<ref>[[:File:Bobbetter.jpg]]</ref> Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well." Chris was, at least, half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer of some description.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 23 April 2011, in an e-mail to Jackie, Chris revealed that Bob had received surgery for colon cancer.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_24]]</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and, like Barb, vehemently disapproved of them.

On 29 August, 2011, Chris, now deeply entrenched in his [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirlish ways]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and was suffering from [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]].

In early September, 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref> Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12-19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927-2011".<ref name="BobObit" />

==Cause of Death==
Despite the fairly clear-cut nature of the lumberjack's passing, Chris has since declared that the [[trolls]] were responsible for Bob's death. In an [[Misc_E-mails|email]] leaked on 22 [[March 2014]], Chris claims that the stress of his trolling led to Bob's heart attack. This keeps in the trend Chris has developed of blaming any and all misfortunes (even those faced by everyone, like burying a family member) on trolls.
{{quote|AND the total [[stress]] KILLED my Father Prematurely; if not for those Trolls, he would still be alive, and would have likely lived beyond 2015.|Chris.}}
Even for Chris this is appalling behavior; using the '''death of his own father''' as a vehicle to play the victim and attempt to stave off trolls. While it's not uncommon for those who have lost loved ones to blame their deaths on external causes (however impossible or insane, as in this case) Chris's actions are motivated purely out of selfishness and egotism - business as usual.

Years later, in 2017, Chris revised his claim and said that Bob was killed after hospital staff surprised him with a "Loud Noise." <ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Claiming hospital staff killed Bob]]</ref> He went on to say that he had more freedom when Bob was alive.

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into [[autism|unusual detail]] about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counsels Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to [[Chris and money|donate money to Barbara and Chris]].

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler. <ref name="BobObit" />

==In memoriam==
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|left|Bob's final resting place.]]

Bob is often seen as a gregarious, hard-working man ([[Ruckersville|all things considered]]). Trying ([[Destruction Of Chris's House|albeit without]] [[26 December 2014|success]]) to refine Chris into someone that could at least pass for a responsible adult, giving him mock job interviews and [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|chaperoning him on dates]], where he proved (unsurprisingly) more adept at charming the date than Chris.

However, we also have Bob to thank for some of his son's more [[Homos|backwards]] [[Niggos|worldviews]]. He was also supposedly an [[Cole|abusive stepfather]]; he certainly managed to alienate his other children enough that his daughter didn't attend his funeral, or keep in touch while he was alive. Much like his son, little of what he said or believed had any connection to [[reality]], and he helped Chris to construct [[Matthew Noble call|bizarre]] [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]] to justify [[Chris and the law|trespassing and the like]], among [[Ego|other things]]. He, like Barbara, enabled Chris's parasitic dependence on them, general immaturity and irresponsibility, and his myriad of other flaws. He never made any serious effort to improve his preening, arrogant son, even when he caught him [[Bob walks in|masturbating]] in the kitchen.

Ultimately, few remember Bob as a positive influence on Chris, although he was of course a little more preferable to his wife.

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself (not a difficult feat, to be fair).

* [[1990]]: Bob appeared as the DJ to the [[WTJU Marathon]].
* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26-0:36 in the news report of the [[Chris in the media|Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the house tour, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn Internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also is audible at the end of the call.
* [[Prank calls]]: Bob answered several of these.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Bob1946Auburn.jpg|Bob's Auburn freshman yearbook photo, taken for the 1946 yearbook.
File:BobJax1950.PNG|Bob's 1950 Jacksonville State Teachers College yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1951.PNG|Bob's 1951 Auburn yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1952.PNG|Bob's Auburn senior yearbook photo.
File:1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.png|1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license
File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png|1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png
File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license
File:Bob and his parents - 1930s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1930s census
File:Bob and his parents - 1940s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1940s census
File:Bob's birth certificate.png|Bob's birth certificate
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents
Image:Thehell.jpg|
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2010.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|Bob used to enjoy gardening back in the day.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
File:Robert Chandler, 19 June 2016 Facebook post photo.jpg|Last known photo.
File:BobAmiibo.jpg|[[Amiibo]] Bob, for sale on [[Etsy]]. Oh yes.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sources==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

==External Links==
* [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=80567090 Bob Chandler at Find a Grave]

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Adult Swim posts

2017-02-03T17:55:52Z

Broseph:

On 3 February 2005, Chris registered an account on the [[Adult Swim]] message boards and began making a series of '''posts'''.<ref>[http://boards.adultswim.com/adultswim/profile?user.id=399954 http://boards.adultswim.com/adultswim/profile?user.id=399954]</ref> In the spring of 2009, a member of his fanbase discovered this account. Below are all of Chris's posts, edited only for wiki formatting and links for clarification.

His response to ''Robot Chicken'' is particularly interesting. Not only does Chris describe his Sonichu comics as a [[parody]] when they are nothing of the sort, [[autism|he also has no idea how to react to a genuine parody, even of the simplest and most obvious kind.]]

Not long after its discovery, the account was hacked. The perpetrator posted a few messages and a new signature using Chris's identity, and abandoned the account on 13 April 2009. All the 2009 posts below are, unfortunately, not the TRUE and HONEST words of Chris.
==Chris's Posts==
===Chris colors his DVD cover (February 2005)===
Chris introduces himself, assuming everyone will know who he is and that Adult Swim will be interested in his shitty coloring.
{{quotebox|Hey AS, this is Christian Chandler. I've enjoyed your fun programming...except [[Wikipedia:Aqua Teen Hunger Force|ATHF]]. Other than that, I've purchased [[Wikipedia:The Brak Show|the Brak Show]] Volume 1 DVD Set, and I colored it in, and put my signiture on it. If you show the images on AS Thursdays, please also mention my Sonichu Site! Check it out on http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm. [[Sonichu]] is my [[Pokémon|Pokemon]], just so you know.

I am unable to insert the images, but you all can access them at <nowiki>http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/BrakColor1.jpg</nowiki> and <nowiki>http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/BrakColor2.jpg</nowiki>}}
{{quotebox|In addition to my previous post, you may need to type the adress to the image instead of clicking on them. sorry.}}

===Chris complains about ''Robot Chicken'' (February 2005)===
Chris complains about logical fallacies in ''Robot Chicken'', an insipid fast-paced [[parody]] show that clearly has nothing to do with the original media it parodies.
{{quotebox|I've just watched the 1st episode of [[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]], and I most enjoyed the [[Transformers]] portion of the episode. Only a few things about it seem wierd ''[sic]'' to me... If Optimus was "Taking a leak," shouldn't he have expelled transmission fluid, and later have found OIL in it, not blood. Also, "Killed 50 humans?" I've been a fan of Transformers my whole life, so I know what I'm saying here; the Autobots care more for the humans than that, so they shouldn't have cheered for something so sad. Also, I'd really hope to see more Transformers segments int furure episodes of Robot Chicken. Here's a suggestion for a future segment... Megatron shoots Bumblebee, causing major bodily injury. Then Optimus tends to sue Megatron. And he hires Starscream for his lawer. That's just crazy, huh? Roll out, Autobots!}}
Note: The ''Robot Chicken'' segment Chris was referring to was most likely [http://www.adultswim.com.au/video/458456/junk-in-the-trunk-clip-5 this].

===Chris on his Harvey Birdman contest entry (April 2005)===
Chris vents his ire about his terrible Harvey Birdman entry not having won.
{{quotebox|'''I Detest the [[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman|Harvey Birdman]] Commercial!'''
Well, I do! :smileymad: My entry was very dramatic, and a lot BETTER than that piece of poo, or any of the others that made the top 5 as well! I'm very upset about that!

My "[[Harvey Birdman Commercial|CWC's Harvey Birdaman Spot]]" was [[Chris and his Ego|the BEST]], and I feel sorry for you, Adult Swim, for not noticing that! You all should take another good look at it and seriously reconsider!}}

===Chris on ''Crayon Shin-chan'' and ''The Super Milk Chan Show'' (August 2006)===
Chris complains about the extremely tame and cartoonish male nudity in Shin-Chan, then demands sexy underage girls in the next sentence. He also sees fit to make a timetable recommendation and signs off elaborately.
{{quotebox|I watched the first [[Wikipedia:Crayon Shin-chan|Shin-Chan]] last night; it was funny (but the [[Nudes|boy nudity]] is TOO MUCH). If anything you should bring in more [[anime]] with [[Pedofork|very-close-to-nude girls]].

Speaking of which, [[Wikipedia:The Super Milk Chan Show|Milk-Chan]] to me sounds somewhat similar to Shin-Chan due to that they are both [[Christian Weston Chandler|silly and loud brats]]. You should consider putting the two shows back-to-back on weeknights, and call the one-hour block the Adult Kid's Meal.

Sincerely,

Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate.}}

===Chris on Custom [[My Little Pony|My Little Ponies]] (29 August 2006)===
Chris's [[autism]] and obsession with MLP collide with a demand to know what the "Un-Cutie Marks" were in a shitty claymation sketch that spanned a few seconds.
{{quotebox|'''The "Un-Cutie" Marks of the Apocolypse Ponies...'''
I've noticed that many people like to make their oun custom ponies; [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Green]] is one of them. But I couldn't really make out the Un-Cutie Marks of each of the ponies. Can I see what they looked like?

If they can't be bought, someone else will make one of their own.

[www.custompony.com]}}

Note: When Chris said "Seth Green makes custom ponies" he most likely was referring to [http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/apocalypse-pony.html this] ''Robot Chicken'' segment.

===Chris on his Meatwad Guitar (5 May 2008)===
Having said he doesn't like ATHF prior, Chris brags about something he personally crafted based on a character from the show.
[[File:Meat.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's Meatwad guitar.]]
{{quotebox|'''Meatwad's Ax, Only on Playstation 3'''
Check it out, I've been wanting to do it since [[Wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band]] came out, and finally I get a seperate ''[sic]'' [[Guitar]] to make into [[Wikipedia:Meatwad|Meadwad]]'s Shreddful Guitar (copy and paste links).

<nowiki>http://a628.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/m_c65ca2d3baf6b2042ec125597edae583.jpg</nowiki>

<nowiki>http://a496.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/73/mc09e01d4ad5e4c0c66823f48b2fa3307.jpg</nowiki>

<nowiki>http://a614.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/112/mee33414077e472f5e28199d65d222185.jpg</nowiki>

<nowiki>http://a354.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/101/mbe25ba399ff788ea45f592bcd3bc0b79.jpg</nowiki>
----
Hey Sonichu Fans check out my website at [[CWC's_Sonichu_Site!#cwcville.com (April 2009 - May 2009)|cwcville.com]] }}

==Troll Posts==
These posts were made by trolls impersonating Chris. Reasonably convincing except for the [[Chris and Writing|British spelling]].
[[Image:ASforumavatar.jpg|thumb|right||Chris's avatar after his account was hacked by trolls.]]
===Spamming the "Holding Out for a Hero" music video (11 April 2009)===
{{quotebox|I've recently made my own music video of "Holding Out For a Hero sang by Bonnie Tyler, It's dedicated to my current sweetheart [[Ivy]]. What does everyone think about it(I believe it turned out pretty great if I do say so myself). [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7XrVgM5E6Y&feature=channel_page]]}}

In response to claims that this may not be the real Christian Weston Chandler, the troll replied in this thread:

{{quotebox|Hey, let me tell you THIS is not a JOKE, this is a sendout to my beloved sweatheart and one of my Favourite of songs. Also no troll could pose as me on this site, unless they made this account AT LEAST 4 years ago.}}
{{quotebox|Maybe you do suspect my account has been hacked but that is little more than just your INTERPRETATION of the situation. From my side of things I can TRULY and HONESTLY say that I have not been hacked, With god on my side I do not kid you when I say that I am the TRUE and REAL Christian Weston Chandler.

I do admit things like my old websites were hacked, but I've Learned from that mistake and increased my Password strength accoridngly.}}

===Chris on his [[heart level]] (12 April 2009)===
{{quotebox|My heart has been broken down to 15% before. I was trying to get a 18- to my age year old sweetheart at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|my college]] when [[Mary Lee Walsh|MARY LEE WALSH]] ripped up the [[Attraction sign|SIGNS]] I used that said "I'm a single guy looking for a 18- to my year old [[boyfriend-free girl]]". My heart was shattered down to 15% until I met [[Hanna|a girl]] and it went back up to 100% but it was a JOKE being pulled on ME so at the end of our mini-date at the [[McDonald's|macdonalds]] she said it was just a joke. That Brought my Heart down to 10%.}}

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Bob Chandler

2017-01-30T19:43:59Z

Broseph:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| [[Bob Walks In|The Internet Lumberjack]] Mr. C Bobby
|-
| '''Born'''
| 4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]
|-
| '''Died'''
| 6 [[September 2011]] (aged {{Age|1927|9|4|2011|9|6}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/4th [[Cherokee]]<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>)
|-
| '''Marriage'''
| Patricia Faye Harley (1956-1980) 
[[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Weston]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler 

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Grandchildren'''
| [[Savannah Chandler]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (father) Jean Holloman (mother)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, engineer
|-
|}

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]- 6 September [[2011]] <ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], the stepfather of [[Cole Smithey]], and husband of [[Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's antipathy towards him and for his infamous cameo when he walked in on Chris [[mass debating]];<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> his nickname, "The [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] Lumberjack," came from this incident, no pun intended.

Despite being estranged from his other children and despised by his stepson, Bob was widely viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]]. This was due to Bob being somewhat concerned with Chris's idiotic behavior, and the fact that he occasionally tried to encourage a modicum of responsibility in Chris's pathetic life, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising the selfish manchild. Of course, Chris was almost entirely unaffected by Bob's efforts to better him, but unlike Barb he at least made the effort.

Bob was always eager to chat, and indeed much of the known information about Bob's life comes from conversations he had with trolls. Whether in person or over the phone Bob appeared to relish the opportunity to speak with just about anyone.

Bob died of complications from heart failure on 6 September 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref>

==Biography==
Bob was born in [[Wikipedia:Fort Worth, Texas|Fort Worth, Texas]]<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and was, according to his freshman Auburn University yearbook, raised in [[Wikipedia:Sylacauga, Alabama|Sylacauga, Alabama]].<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref> He was the first child of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM</ref>-27 December 1977<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6</ref>), an Insurance Agent from Alabama who was allegedly half Cherokee, and Jean Holloman (1906<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-12M</ref>-10 May 1945<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8</ref>), a Housewife from Texas.<ref>http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2y47mWzzz1qblvg5o1_1280.jpg (Mirror: [[:File:Bob Chandler's birth certificate.jpg]])</ref> Bob mentioned having a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> His Cherokee heritage was disputed by a distant relative.<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree#Ancestry.com content]]</ref>
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|right|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]

Bob has said that he was "interested in the world" around him since he was ten, and began collecting foreign stamps as a child in the [[1930s]]. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting some 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> It is not clear how this collection fared in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], but it was apparently not a total loss, as Chris offered to sell some of the albums to [[Catherine]]'s cousin Al in late 2014.

===Service and education===

A 1942 yearbook from Sylacauga High School in Bob's hometown of Sylacauga, Alabama (which can be seen on Classmates.com) lists a "Bobby Chandler" as a member of the freshman class and as a member of the school's glee club, suggesting that he graduated from this school in the spring of 1945 before matriculating at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama as an Aeronautical Engineering major during the fall of this year.

Bob was drafted out of College as a special draftee who apparently had knowledge that the Army desired (Majoring in Aeronautical Engineering, Auburn University, Freshman p. 95 of the 1946 yearbook [http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/4124/rec/14]) in 1946 after [[Wikipedia:World War II|World War II]] and placed in [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|the Signal Corps]]. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. After basic training and Signal School, Bob was sent to Korea for a year to install infrastructure with the American occupation force. He was entitled to the WWII Victory Medal due to the dates of his service and his service number was 44107856 [http://aad.archives.gov/aad/record-detail.jsp?dt=893&mtch=11&tf=F&q=Chandler&bc=&sort=24996%20desc&rpp=10&pg=4&rid=8565331&rlst=5136538,4652469,8564216,1000879,987835,4549799,991002,8565331,5188385,8565346]. When he got out in 1948 he studied Pre-Engineering for two years at Jacksonville State Teachers College in Jacksonville, Alabama. He then returned to Auburn University where he studied Electrical Engineering and graduated in 1952 (page 269 of the 1952 yearbook) [http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/16173/rec/20] [[Wikipedia:G.I. Bill|G.I. Bill]].<ref name="About" />
[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|left|Bob served in Korea, and, thankfully for Chris, who believes that he was a sperm carried in one of his father's testicles during that time, he left before the Korean War broke out.]]

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college (Jacksonville) after leaving the military. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto [[Wikipedia:Auburn University|Auburn University]], a big college, to earn a type of engineering degree, although it's never specified (mechanical, electrical etc.).<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref> While he was at Auburn, he was a member of Phi Mu Alpha, a social frat dedicated to men who are interested in music.

===Career===
Bob worked for [[Wikipedia:Western Electric|Western Electric]] as an engineer for 40 years. There he designed a variety of electrical subsystems. He eventually went to work for General Electric in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the [[Wikipedia:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]] "might not have arrived so soon", <ref name="Barbara" /> Ignoring the fact that the NES was designed and released in Japan in 1983 without the influence of the American electronics.

Examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

When exactly Bob did retire is not known. During the 1980s the standard age of retirement for men in America was 65, with many choosing to retire even sooner.<ref>[https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/growing-older-america-health-and-retirement-study/chapter-2-work-and-retirement Growing Older in America: The Health and Retirement Study]</ref> Bob was born in 1927, meaning that he was most likely retired by the late 80s or early 90s. The ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' article about Chris's name change clearly says that Bob was retired at the time the article was publised (29 December [[1993]]).<ref>[[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES]]</ref>

Bob himself was proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he was "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.<ref name="About" />

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob Chandler learning how to cut that Internet down ]]

Politically, Bob was identified as a [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in [[Wikipedia:United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election]].<ref name="Prank calls"/> With that being said, in the time leading to the [[wikipedia:Virginia gubernatorial election, 2009|Virginia gubernatorial election of 2009]], Bob had misgivings about [[wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]], the Republican candidate and eventual winner of the election. Bob and Chris considered the option of writing in Snoopy rather than voting for any of the candidates listed on the ballot.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Wikipedia: The answer to everything]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> However, he rather damningly failed to question why Julie spoke perfect English with an American accent.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia Harley on 25 September 1956. They had two children, [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]].

Bob and Patricia separated on 28 June 1976 before divorcing on 28 January 1980.<ref name="BobObit" /><ref>[[:File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png]]</ref> Bob's relationships with David and Carol were strained in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Chris did not know he had a niece, via David, named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>, and Bob's relationship with Carol was even more strained. According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. None of the Chandlers knew what was going on with her, and last they heard she was working for the government, implying that she did not show up to her father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" />

They got married in 1980,<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> only months after Bob and Patricia had divorced.<ref>[[:File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg]]</ref>

According to Chris, Barbara did not have sex with Bob for at least two decades before his passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops," <ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he did so. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though there isn't any proof that Bob hated Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

Bob tried to encourage Chris to better himself. When Chris was 7, Bob converted a shed in the backyard of [[14 Branchland Court]] to a workshop where he and Chris could build things together, dubbing it the "dreaming studio." Chris could not recall what they had built together when asked about it in 2014<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> and said he and Barb were using the space for storage.

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris about foreign geography such as [[Julie|Europe]] and [[PandaHalo|Australia]], but he thought (correctly) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[television]], and only can associate with the places he's physically been to in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's racist joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, [[Chris and health#hygiene|rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks]] (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time[sic], and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

However, the many instances of Bob communicating with trolls show that he was generally pleasant and amicable, not at all inclined to start arguments, as Chris asserts. The antagonism to which Chris refers is likelier to be Bob attempting to constructively criticize Chris in order to better him, as Chris deeply resents being told what he does not want to hear.
[[File:Bob drawing Nov. '15.jpg|thumb|200px|left|The only known drawing of Bob by Chris, released in [[November 2015]].]]
An example of this criticism was Bob telling Chris that, since Bob had looked after Chris for 29 years despite his childish and outrageous behavior, Chris should show more gratitude towards him. Chris was completely dismissive, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, and seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help". Reinforcing Bob's point, Chris would still run for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the success that he has earned from his own Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seemed to be the origin of Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|Bob and a younger Christian. Note Chris's "Family Bonding" shirt.]]
Once during a phone call with trolls, Bob stated that Chris had accomplished significant goals in his adult life. However, it is unknown if Bob actually believes that (not to mention what accomplishments he was referring to), or it was just something he was saying because he didn't want to admit to complete strangers that his son was a total failure in life and a leech on society.<ref name="Prank"><s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</s> (dead link as of Jul 2014)</ref>

He seemed never to get past the notion that Chris could and had achieved things, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's e-mails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiralling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a fag.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref> Confidential details collected after Bob's death, however, suggests Chris was more emotionally attached than he let on, providing rare and precious evidence that Chris doesn't take the presence or others for granted.

In [[December 2012]], Chris uploaded the soundtrack from the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon]], in which Bob was a performer and a host. It was notable as one of the few moments where Chris publicly honored his father's memory since the latter's passing in [[September 2011]].

Bob lives on his son's memory. Chris noted the occasion of his father's passing by attaching angel wings to the [[Lego]] minifigure representing him,<ref>Seen at 4:24 in [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]].</ref> and often visits Bob in his [[dreams]].<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|March 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref><ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|OkCupid Answers]]</ref>

==Later life and poor health==

Bob lived on social security and his General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He never really had people to chat with at home (he would ramble to [[Trolls|total strangers]] on the phone if he could), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. The two triple bypass operations took place in August, 1980. He wore an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build up in his legs, which is symptomatic of heart failure. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Despite his heart troubles he continued to eat at [[Burger King]] daily.<ref>[[Prank calls#Calls to Bob and Chris]]</ref><ref>[[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)]]</ref>

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|tweeted]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [''sic''] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]". Chris seemed confident that his father was not in for a long stay. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of his heart failure]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only arose [[Ego|when Chris was inclined to complain about it online]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies,<ref>[http://www.heart.org/idc/groups/heart-public/@wcm/@hcm/documents/downloadable/ucm_300315.pdf American Heart Association PDF "What Is Heart Failure?"]</ref> but Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a very serious situation.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. His silence on the subject of his father was probably because of [[Naive|genuine ignorance]] of the seriousness of his father's condition.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."<ref>[[:File:Bobbetter.jpg]]</ref> Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well." Chris was, at least, half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer of some description.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 23 April 2011, in an e-mail to Jackie, Chris revealed that Bob had received surgery for colon cancer.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_24]]</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and, like Barb, vehemently disapproved of them.

On 29 August, 2011, Chris, now deeply entrenched in his [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirlish ways]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and was suffering from [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]].

In early September, 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref> Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12-19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927-2011".<ref name="BobObit" />

==Cause of Death==
Despite the fairly clear-cut nature of the lumberjack's passing, Chris has since declared that the [[trolls]] were responsible for Bob's death. In an [[Misc_E-mails|email]] leaked on 22 [[March 2014]], Chris claims that the stress of his trolling led to Bob's heart attack. This keeps in the trend Chris has developed of blaming any and all misfortunes (even those faced by everyone, like burying a family member) on trolls.
{{quote|AND the total [[stress]] KILLED my Father Prematurely; if not for those Trolls, he would still be alive, and would have likely lived beyond 2015.|Chris.}}
Even for Chris this is appalling behavior; using the '''death of his own father''' as a vehicle to play the victim and attempt to stave off trolls. While it's not uncommon for those who have lost loved ones to blame their deaths on external causes (however impossible or insane, as in this case) Chris's actions are motivated purely out of selfishness and egotism - business as usual.

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into [[autism|unusual detail]] about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counsels Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to [[Chris and money|donate money to Barbara and Chris]].

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler. <ref name="BobObit" />

==In memoriam==
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|left|Bob's final resting place.]]

Bob is often seen as a gregarious, hard-working man ([[Ruckersville|all things considered]]). Trying ([[Destruction Of Chris's House|albeit without]] [[26 December 2014|success]]) to refine Chris into someone that could at least pass for a responsible adult, giving him mock job interviews and [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|chaperoning him on dates]], where he proved (unsurprisingly) more adept at charming the date than Chris.

However, we also have Bob to thank for some of his son's more [[Homos|backwards]] [[Niggos|worldviews]]. He was also supposedly an [[Cole|abusive stepfather]]; he certainly managed to alienate his other children enough that his daughter didn't attend his funeral, or keep in touch while he was alive. Much like his son, little of what he said or believed had any connection to [[reality]], and he helped Chris to construct [[Matthew Noble call|bizarre]] [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]] to justify [[Chris and the law|trespassing and the like]], among [[Ego|other things]]. He, like Barbara, enabled Chris's parasitic dependence on them, general immaturity and irresponsibility, and his myriad of other flaws. He never made any serious effort to improve his preening, arrogant son, even when he caught him [[Bob walks in|masturbating]] in the kitchen.

Ultimately, few remember Bob as a positive influence on Chris, although he was of course a little more preferable to his wife.

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself (not a difficult feat, to be fair).

* [[1990]]: Bob appeared as the DJ to the [[WTJU Marathon]].
* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26-0:36 in the news report of the [[Chris in the media|Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the house tour, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn Internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also is audible at the end of the call.
* [[Prank calls]]: Bob answered several of these.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Bob1946Auburn.jpg|Bob's Auburn freshman yearbook photo, taken for the 1946 yearbook.
File:BobJax1950.PNG|Bob's 1950 Jacksonville State Teachers College yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1951.PNG|Bob's 1951 Auburn yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1952.PNG|Bob's Auburn senior yearbook photo.
File:1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.png|1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license
File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png|1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png
File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license
File:Bob and his parents - 1930s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1930s census
File:Bob and his parents - 1940s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1940s census
File:Bob's birth certificate.png|Bob's birth certificate
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents
Image:Thehell.jpg|
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2010.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|Bob used to enjoy gardening back in the day.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
File:Robert Chandler, 19 June 2016 Facebook post photo.jpg|Last known photo.
File:BobAmiibo.jpg|[[Amiibo]] Bob, for sale on [[Etsy]]. Oh yes.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sources==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

==External Links==
* [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=80567090 Bob Chandler at Find a Grave]

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Cole Smithey

2017-01-12T01:48:53Z

Broseph: /* Present */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| The Smartest Film Critic in the World Coleslaw
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| Katherine (2013-present)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College and took similar classes.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs." The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref> By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded," and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

===Present===
{{Squote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|An oddly-fitting excerpt from Cole's infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that despite one half-brother being a wannabe pretentious, hipster douchebag and the other being a retarded manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World," (a title that esteemed film critic [[Wikipedia:Roger Ebert|Roger Ebert]] once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years were literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have low production values and negative reviews of well-received films. On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be either so-bad-it's-good, or even one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema".]

{{Squote|'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondance with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]], Cole once came close to death from [[Wikipedia:Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis]] after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref>, and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message_for_John_Kyle|recently complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]
Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. Chris visited Cole in California when he was about seven years old, according to Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

For New Years' Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]] on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have referred to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

The last time they set eyes on each other was around 2005 at a family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video.) This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The_GAMe_PLACe#The_GAMe_PLACe_Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding.<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[Twitter#29_June_2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in Super Smash Bros. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to be appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

[[File:Piss and burn fb.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Note in the picture it says "mother and sister"]]
In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment in Carnegie Hall. Even though renting an apartment near Carnegie Hall can easily cost twice as much, this lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to [[Chris and hypocrisy|"piss and burn"]] while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

==Cole in the comics==
While he has not directly appeared in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] there is a "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. The custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a Jerkop seems to forshadow his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Cole Smithey

2017-01-12T01:41:33Z

Broseph: /* Present */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| The Smartest Film Critic in the World Coleslaw
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| Katherine (2013-present)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College and took similar classes.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs." The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref> By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded," and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

===Present===
{{Squote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|An oddly-fitting excerpt from Cole's infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that despite one half-brother being a wannabe pretentious, hipster douchebag and the other being a mentally challenged autistic manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World," (a title that esteemed film critic [[Wikipedia:Roger Ebert|Roger Ebert]] once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years were literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have low production values and negative reviews of well-received films. On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be either so-bad-it's-good, or even one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema".]

{{Squote|'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondance with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]], Cole once came close to death from [[Wikipedia:Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis]] after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref>, and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message_for_John_Kyle|recently complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]
Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. Chris visited Cole in California when he was about seven years old, according to Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

For New Years' Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]] on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have referred to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

The last time they set eyes on each other was around 2005 at a family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video.) This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The_GAMe_PLACe#The_GAMe_PLACe_Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding.<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[Twitter#29_June_2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in Super Smash Bros. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to be appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

[[File:Piss and burn fb.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Note in the picture it says "mother and sister"]]
In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment in Carnegie Hall. Even though renting an apartment near Carnegie Hall can easily cost twice as much, this lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to [[Chris and hypocrisy|"piss and burn"]] while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

==Cole in the comics==
While he has not directly appeared in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] there is a "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. The custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a Jerkop seems to forshadow his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Vanessa Hudgens

2017-01-09T01:56:28Z

Broseph:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 15em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Vanessa-hudgens.jpg|200px]]

|-
! colspan="2" |Vanessa
|-
| '''Name'''
| Vanessa Hudgens
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 14 December 1988
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
|Singer/Actress
|-
|}

[[File:ChriswVanessa.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVED]]
{{Quote|I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an [[Honest Content|honest]], very close [[gal pal|Gal-Pal]], and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.|[[Chris]], delusional and [[naïve]] as ever<ref>[[User:Apostrophe/Chris-Chan talk]]</ref>}}

'''Vanessa Hudgens''' is an American actress and singer best known for her work in ''[[Wikipedia:High School Musical|High School Musical]]'' and for taking [[nudes|nude]] pictures of herself. She was incredibly popular among both 9-year-old girls and autistic manchildren prior to her popularity completely fizzling out due to the scandal over leaked nudes.

[[Joshua Martinez]] used her identity to troll Chris. Chris, being the [[Chris and his Ego|humble]] guy that he is, found it absolutely reasonable that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in a [[Obesity|fat]] retard like him.

Since "Vanessa" told Chris she had written her own [[Wikipedia]] biography, Chris felt that he had a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|righteous claim]] to do so as well. On 5 [[June 2009]], after failing at his attempt to write his own [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]], Chris tried to get a section on his supposed relationship with Vanessa Hudgens added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusaysyeswecan, Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."{{Cite}} His request was ignored.

The Vanessa saga showcases Chris as his most naïve, with much real-life trolling by Joshua. As [[Ivy]] put it:

{{quotebox|Even after all the tears, Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the [[Wikipedia:James Madison University|JMU]] campus with a sign and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that [[sign]] so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for money and would do this by going through Vanessa.
Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’ [[ps3]]. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested.
[...]
At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris' dime, obviously.
Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.}}

In [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] (12 [[August 2009]]), he admitted that he had finally realized that he had not really been talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He added that "Vanessa" had always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him.

On 20 [[July 2013]], Chris wrote a review on his Facebook page about a movie Hudgens starred in, ''Spring Breakers''.

==See also==
* [[Vanessa Saga]]
* [[Lori Lopez]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Vanessa Hudgens|Wikipedia article on Vanessa Hudgens]]
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hudgens, Vanessa}}
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category: Vanessa Saga]]

PlayStation 3

2016-11-30T06:56:57Z

Broseph: /* PlayStation Plus */

[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

{{DeadLinks}}

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". Chris desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to this end he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade only to purchase another shortly after.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently buys DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$6,127.64 ''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===

<center>
[[Image:PSNTracker.png|PSN Activity tracker]] 
'''Chris''' was last spotted playing '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] Legacy of the Duelist''''' for the [[PlayStation 4|PS4]]. 
Chris has spent over '''$8581.62''' of [[Monthly tugboat|YOUR money]]! 
Chris's [[PSN]] is '''Sonichu'''. You can see his profile [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu here].
</center>

The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside of his [[Chris's room|room]]. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]] in the spring of 2008, although that signal spike might have been augmented as a result of his concurrent "breakup" with Megan Schroeder in a bid to salve the emotional wound with the desperate application of virtual toys. Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a shit ton more [[monthly tugboat|tugboat money]] on PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 10. Source: [[CWC PSN Spending R script]] ]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [https://www.playstation.com/en-us/my/public-trophies/?onlinename=Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 29 [[January 2016]], Chris has 3,724 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]''
|12
|100%
| A fairly short game fighting game that can generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|[[Chris and Sex|69]]
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu (character)|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
| ''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
| All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
| Furries galore.
|-
| ''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
| 21
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made ''[[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]]''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but in reality, he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
| 12
| 100%
| [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
| ''Sonic the Hedgehog''
| 12
| 100%
| Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
| [[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
| 13
| 100%
| A Vita tutorial.
|-
| ''Sly Minigames''
| 8
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''100!!!''...oh, it's 4 trophies for 4 levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time|Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time]]''
| 37
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet: Deadlocked|Ratchet: Deadlocked]]''
| 31
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal|Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal]]
| 33
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 2|Ratchet & Clank 2]]''
| 35
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale|PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale]]''
| 56
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Midway Arcade Origins|Midway Arcade Origins]]''
| 32
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:God of War: Ascension|God of War: Ascension]]''
| 36
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS|NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS]]''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders Giants|Skylanders Giants]]''
| 46
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank (video game)|Ratchet & Clank]]''
| 35
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders SWAP Force|Skylanders SWAP Force]]''
| 40
| 94%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Granted, it's an acclaimed title, but Chris thinks this game is up there among the greatest ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. However, it's worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Treasures of Montezuma Blitz|Treasures of Montezuma Blitz]]''
| 13
| 85%
|
|-
| ''[[LEGO]] [[wikipedia:The LEGO Movie Video Game|Movie - Videogame]]''
| 49
| 82%
|
|-
| ''God of War''
| 33
| 82%
| Most of the trophies are earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]''
| 5
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]''
| 63
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders: Trap Team|Skylanders: Trap Team]]''
| 47
| 78%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
| 35
| 77%
| A pop music version of ''Guitar Hero''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One|Ratchet & Clank 4 One]]''
| 45
| 77%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band Blitz|Rock Band Blitz]]''
| 18
| 76%
|
|-
| ''The Price is Right''
| 11
| 76%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
| 43
| 72%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
| 7
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
| 27
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 3]]''
| 38
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Papo & Yo|Papo & Yo]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation Home|PlayStation Home]]''
| 13
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock of the Dead|Rock of the Dead]]''
| 21
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
| 36
| 62%
| ''Sonic Kart'' couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to ''ModNation''.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Tomb Raider (2013)|Tomb Raider]]''
| 51
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
| 31
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:LittleBigPlanet Karting|LittleBigPlanet Karting]]''
| 45
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band: Classic Rock]]''
| 12
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:The House of the Dead 4|The House of the Dead 4]]''
| 15
| 52%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|Uno]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|Xbox Live Arcade]] version. Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PlayStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play "free" rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has already bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* <s>[http://us.playstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]</s> Dead link as of May 2015
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]</s> Dead link as of May 2015

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

List of toys

2016-11-30T06:50:40Z

Broseph:

''For those ''other'' kinds of toys, see [[Sex toys]].''

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Quality}}

[[Image:0822-EP12-5P6-4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's room is cluttered with toys, or technically [[Fire|was]].]]
[[Image:Plastic_Reef.jpeg|thumb|right|What Chris' toy collection probably looks like today.]]

[[Chris]] has accumulated a grand number of '''toys''' over the course of his life, most of which are displayed in his [[room]]. He has claimed that he's holding on to them for his [[Reginald Chandler|future]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref> However, he has also admitted to be still purchasing and playing with toys well into his "adult" life.<ref>[[Mumble 8#Comics and Toys (1:09:27 - 1:17:43)]]</ref> At one point he revealed that he plays with his toys around 2-3 hours a day.<ref>[[Mailbag 25#In which Chris tells us how many hours he plays with toys a day]]</ref> Many are assumed to have been damaged or destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]], but some have survived.

==[[Lego]]==
===Alpha Team===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6776-1'' Ogel Control Center
|$50
|}

===City/Town===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7892'' [[Chris and health|Hospital]]
|$50
|-
|''6337-1'' Fast Track Finish
|$40
|-
|''6517'' Water Jet
|$3
|-
|''7240-1'' Fire Station
|$30
|-
|''60047'' Police Station
|$100
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$223'''
|}

===Exo-Force===
[[Image:Exo-wallpaper-Humans.jpg|thumb|Exo-Force was created to attract basement dwelling [[anime]] freaks to Lego. which made it the perfect theme for Chris.]]
{| class="wikitable"
|''7700'' Stealth Hunter
|$15
|-
|''7701'' Grand Titan
|$15
|-
|''7712-1'' Supernova
|$20
|-
|''7703'' Fire Vulture
|$15
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$65'''
|}

===Make and Create===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4881-1'' Robo Platoon
|$10
|-
|''4097-1'' Mini Robots
|$10
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$20'''
|}

===Ninja===
The Flying Ninja Fortress was a fortress for flying ninjas, not a fortress that flew.
{| class="wikitable"
|''6093'' Flying Ninja Fortress
|$90
|}

===Space===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6949'' Robo-Guardian
|$36
|-
|''6975-1'' Alien Avenger
|$60
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|$96
|}

===[[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|Spider-Man]]===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4856-1''[[Merried Seinor Comic|Doc Ock's]] [[Chris's room|Hideout]]
|$50
|}

===[[Star Wars]]===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7146'' TIE Fighters (two purchased)
|$40 ''($20 each)''
|-
|''7106-1'' Droid Escape
|$6
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$46'''
|}

===Western===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6755'' [[jerkop|Sheriff's]] Lock-Up
|$25
|}

===LEGO Friends===
{| class="wikitable"
|''41005-1'' Heartlake High (x8)
|$400
|-
|''3185'' Summer Riding Camp
|$100
|-
|''3315'' Olivia's House
|$75
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$575'''
|}

===The LEGO Movie===
{| class="wikitable"
|''70816'' Benny's [[Random-access humor|Spaceship, Spaceship, SPACESHIP!]]
|$100
|}

===Total===
Assuming recommended retail prices (RRP) the total comes to at least:
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Total'''
|$1,340
|}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==

===Plush===

Great Eastern Sonic plush

Great Eastern [[Knuckles]] plush

===Figures===

Jazwares [[Tails]]

ReSaurus Sonic

ReSaurus Knuckles

ReSaurus Tails

ReSaurus Big the [[Cat]]

ReSaurus [[Rose]]

ReSaurus E102 Gamma

Toy Island Sonic Space Fighter

Toy Island [[Dr Eggman]]

Toy Island Sonic

Toy Island [[Shadow]]

==[[Transformers]]==
'''Assuming highest prices.'''

===Transformers: Generation One===
[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] (seen in "CWC is Angry"). Note: this is the Japanese reissue edition. Probably $75–$125 from an online retailer.
{| class="wikitable"
|[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]]
|$100 (median)
|-
|Ultra Magnus
|$100
|-
|Afterburner
|$15
|}

===Transformers: Generation Two===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$30 (at least)
|}
Optimus Prime ($30 at initial retail, probably more if Chris bought it from the secondary market)

===Transformers: Beast Wars===
{| class="wikitable"
|Transmetal Optimus Primal
|$20 ($15 and 20)
|}

===Transformers: Beast Machines===
{| class="wikitable"
|Scavenger
|$10 ($7 and 10)
|}

===Transformers: Armada===
{| class="wikitable"
|Jetfire w/ Comettor
|$30 ($25–30)
|-
|Megatron w/ Leader-1
|$30 ($25–30)
|-
|Optimus Prime w/ Sparkplug
|$50
|-
|Overload w/ Rollout
|$30
|-
|Cyclonus w/ Crumplezone
|$10
|-
|Sideways w/ Rook and Crosswise
|$12 ($10–12)
|-
|Unicron w/ Dead End
|$50
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''212'''
|}

===Transformers: Energon===
{| class="wikitable"
|Demolishor w/ Blackout
|$12 ($10-12)
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''12'''
|}

===Transformers: Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Brushguard
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Evac
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|Cybertron Defense Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Jetfire
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Megatron ($40–50)
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Overhaul
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Override
|$12 ''($10-$12'')
|-
|Primus
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Red Alert
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Scourge
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Sideways
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Soundwave
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Thunderclash
|$12 ''($6-8)''
|-
|Undermine
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Unicron
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Vector Prime
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''323'''
|}

===''Transformers'' (2007 film)===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|}

===''Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen''===

{| class="wikitable"
|[[Slow-in-the-minds|Skids]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|[[Chris and race|Mudflap]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$24'''
|}

===Anniversary Editions===
{| class="wikitable"
|20th Anniversary Optimus Prime
|($30–$75 at retail, depending on when Chris bought it)
|}
===Transformers: Alternators===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime (Ford pickup truck
|$25 ''($20-25 at retail)''
|}

===Transformers: Heroes of Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Bumblebee w/ Spike Witwicky
|$5 ''($3-5)''
|}

===Transformers: Robots In Disguise (2015)===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$15
|-
|Strongarm
|$15
|-
|Bumblebee
|$15
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''45'''
|}

===Transformers: Titans Return===
In addition to the ones below, Chris has also spent $250<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.

{| class="wikitable"
|Galvatron
|$25
|-
|Sentinel Prime ''(destroyed by Chris in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid‎‎!!!]])''
|$25
|-
|Skullsmasher
|$17
|-
|Brawn
|$5
|-
|Chromedome
|$10 [[Twitter#More wish list demands|from Target on 18/11/2016]]
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''82'''
|}

Ebay purchases:

{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$62.64
|[http://archive.is/hKvk2 Sep-08-16 04:45:28 PDT]
|-
|Takara Skullcrusher
|$13.00
|[https://archive.is/5rCz6 Sep-17-16 17:13:58 PDT]
|-
|Transformers Combiner Wars Ultra Magnus Optimus Prime Parts
|$24.50
|[http://archive.is/yJOAu Sep-17-16 20:15:46 PDT]
|-
|Takara Hardhead
|$13.00
|[http://archive.is/tJyUp Sep-17-16 20:50:53 PDT]
|-
|Wheelie & Coshooter Action
|$25.90
|[http://archive.is/3NvqH Oct-01-16 18:22:33 PDT]
|-
|Legends Stripes
|$9.78
|[http://archive.is/NDNOy Oct-01-16 18:33:05 PDT]
|-
|Rewind
|$11.99
|[http://archive.is/tdMsF Oct-01-16 18:33:05 PDT]
|-
|'''Total'''
|$160.81
|}

==[[My Little Pony]]==
My Little Pony is popular with little girls worldwide. Sadly, not even the poor ponies are exempt from entering Chris's twisted world. In italics are their new identities.
{| class="wikitable"
|Cutie Keen Bean
|$10'
|-
|Exclusive Lolligiggle (''Educait'')
|$20
|-
|Favorite Friends Rarity the Unicorn Pony Figure (''Johnlamence -Cyber Warrior-'')
|$20
|-
|Cutie Cascade Fairy Dust Pony (''Camo-Flage'', ''Mimmbo Boruto'' and ''Squall Metal Alchemest'')
|$60 ''($20 each, three purchased)''
|-
|Crystal Princess Pretty Patterns Fancy (''Ty Game'')
|$20
|-
|Dress-Up Daywear Wing Wishes with Toola-Roola & Meadowbrook Pony<ref>(He took Toola-Roola's Antennae and put them on Meadowbrook. Toola-Roola's whereabouts are unknown)</ref>
|$50
|-
|Sweetberry Diva Pose (''BottomBeck'')
|$20
|-
|Sweet Breeze Pose (''Honeysumerah'' and ''Modest Manna'')
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|Seaspray Pose (''Cheroki-Chan'')
|$20
|-
|Beachberry Pose (''Linnhadey'' and ''Federico'')
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$300'''
|}

==Nintendo Amiibos==
{| class="wikitable"
|Pit
|$12.99
|[http://archive.is/7phBC Nov-04-16 11:06:28 PDT]
|}

==Skylanders==
{| class="wikitable"
|Skylanders Imaginators
|~$74
|[http://psnprofiles.com/trophies/5430-Skylanders-Imaginators/Sonichu?order=date#content Began playing on 2 November 2016]
|-
|Dark Turbo Charge Donkey Kong Amiibo
|$21.95
|[http://archive.is/IIYKl Nov-04-16 11:10:52 PDT]
|-
|Dark Barrel Blaster Superchargers Donkey Kong Vehicle
|$7.00
|[http://archive.is/Tcda2 Nov-04-16 11:10:52 PDT]
|}

==Pokemon==
{| class="wikitable"
|Pokemon card tins (2)
|$40.00
|9-12-16<ref>[[Financhu Crisis#September]]</ref>
|-
|Pokemon Sun and Moon (both)
|$80.00
|Nov-18-16<ref>[[Twitter#Ticked off about Pokemon Sun]]</ref><ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Pokemon Sun and Moon networking]]</ref>
|}

Ebay purchases:

{| class="wikitable"
|Fighting Fury Belt
|$3.48
|[http://archive.is/wupUL Oct-30-16 16:35:34 PDT]
|}

==[[Power Rangers]]==
{| class="wikitable"
|Wild Force Predazord
|$50
|}

==References==
<references/>

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]

Cole Smithey

2016-11-30T06:46:14Z

Broseph: /* Present */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| The Smartest Film Critic in the World Coleslaw
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| Katherine (2013-present)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College and took similar classes.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs." The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref> By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded," and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

===Present===
{{Squote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Virgin with rage|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|An oddly-fitting excerpt from Cole's infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that despite one half-brother being a wannabe pretentious, hipster douchebag and the other being a mentally challenged autistic manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World," (a title that esteemed film critic [[Wikipedia:Roger Ebert|Roger Ebert]] once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years were literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have low production values and negative reviews of well-received films. On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be either so-bad-it's-good, or even one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema".]

{{Squote|'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondance with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]], Cole once came close to death from [[Wikipedia:Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis]] after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref>, and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message_for_John_Kyle|recently complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]
Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. Chris visited Cole in California when he was about seven years old, according to Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

For New Years' Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]] on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have referred to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

The last time they set eyes on each other was around 2005 at a family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video.) This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The_GAMe_PLACe#The_GAMe_PLACe_Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding.<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[Twitter#29_June_2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in Super Smash Bros. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to be appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

[[File:Piss and burn fb.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Note in the picture it says "mother and sister"]]
In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment in Carnegie Hall. Even though renting an apartment near Carnegie Hall can easily cost twice as much, this lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to [[Chris and hypocrisy|"piss and burn"]] while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

==Cole in the comics==
While he has not directly appeared in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] there is a "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. The custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a Jerkop seems to forshadow his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Cole Smithey

2016-11-30T06:43:32Z

Broseph: /* Present */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| The Smartest Film Critic in the World Coleslaw
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| Katherine (2013-present)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College and took similar classes.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs." The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref> By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded," and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

===Present===
{{Squote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. Talk about arrested development — [[Virgin with rage|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|An oddly-fitting excerpt from Cole's infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that despite one half-brother being a wannabe pretentious, hipster douchebag and the other being a mentally challenged autistic manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World," (a title that esteemed film critic [[Wikipedia:Roger Ebert|Roger Ebert]] once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years were literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have low production values and negative reviews of well-received films. On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be either so-bad-it's-good, or even one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema".]

{{Squote|'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondance with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]], Cole once came close to death from [[Wikipedia:Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis]] after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref>, and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message_for_John_Kyle|recently complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]
Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. Chris visited Cole in California when he was about seven years old, according to Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

For New Years' Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]] on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have referred to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

The last time they set eyes on each other was around 2005 at a family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video.) This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The_GAMe_PLACe#The_GAMe_PLACe_Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding.<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[Twitter#29_June_2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in Super Smash Bros. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to be appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

[[File:Piss and burn fb.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Note in the picture it says "mother and sister"]]
In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment in Carnegie Hall. Even though renting an apartment near Carnegie Hall can easily cost twice as much, this lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to [[Chris and hypocrisy|"piss and burn"]] while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

==Cole in the comics==
While he has not directly appeared in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] there is a "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. The custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a Jerkop seems to forshadow his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Cole Smithey

2016-11-30T06:42:55Z

Broseph: /* Present */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| The Smartest Film Critic in the World Coleslaw
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| Katherine (2013-present)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College and took similar classes.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs." The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref> By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded," and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

===Present===
{{Squote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. Talk about arrested development — [[Virgin with rage|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|An oddly-fitting excerpt from Cole's infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that despite one half-brother being a wannabe, pretentious, hipster douchebag and the other being a mentally challenged autistic manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World," (a title that esteemed film critic [[Wikipedia:Roger Ebert|Roger Ebert]] once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years were literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have low production values and negative reviews of well-received films. On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be either so-bad-it's-good, or even one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema".]

{{Squote|'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondance with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]], Cole once came close to death from [[Wikipedia:Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis]] after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref>, and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message_for_John_Kyle|recently complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]
Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. Chris visited Cole in California when he was about seven years old, according to Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

For New Years' Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]] on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have referred to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

The last time they set eyes on each other was around 2005 at a family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video.) This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The_GAMe_PLACe#The_GAMe_PLACe_Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding.<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[Twitter#29_June_2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in Super Smash Bros. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to be appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

[[File:Piss and burn fb.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Note in the picture it says "mother and sister"]]
In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment in Carnegie Hall. Even though renting an apartment near Carnegie Hall can easily cost twice as much, this lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to [[Chris and hypocrisy|"piss and burn"]] while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

==Cole in the comics==
While he has not directly appeared in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] there is a "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. The custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a Jerkop seems to forshadow his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Chris and video games

2016-08-25T04:30:07Z

Broseph: /* Chris the console warrior */

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|And [[Bob Chandler|Christian's father]] says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game, and then...move onto another! I can't master any of them.|A TV anchorwoman on a younger Chris winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game console once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

In case you didn't know, [[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] and [[Chris and sex|give him her]] [[china]]. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he will admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[Autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. [[Chris and reality|Reality isn't quite as simple]], which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==
Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly 700 different game titles across 19 different platforms.(He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the mail-order rental service GameFly until [[August 2010]].

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console. However, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for--there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video-game-related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty-dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games, ''racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/], or 150 payments a year. This list includes useless shovelware, Virtual Console games, and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he doesn't even like.]] Of these, 276 purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles(''buying '''4''' DSs and DSi consoles''), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind 39% of purchases Chris has on his account (such as Skylanders figures, amiibos, and his Wii U Virtual Console purchases) are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high number. Apparently, his main attention and [[Nintendo Power Magazine|fanboyism]] has shifted from PlayStation back to Nintendo, for unknown reasons.

This leak also revealed that Chris plays almost every game demo available on the eShop, Nintendo's online downloadable video game store, even if he has no interest in said game. This leak also confirmed he had bought every single [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game and primary [[Pokémon]] RPG, proving that he is still a major fanboy of [[Sonichu (comic)|both franchises]], and also confirmed that he still makes many purchases multiple times over for no apparent reason, such as of Wario's Woods.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available--what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around--Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene and indie productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other quirky, offbeat games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to be a connoisseur of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely-common or extremely-shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning. This habit seems to be picked up from [[Barbara]], and continues to this day in the form of eShop shovelware and virtual console downloads.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

Despite being obsessed with Pokemon, he's not a hardcore Nintendo fan as some might suspect. He never seems to show interest in the latest content from Nintendo, and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (such as games from the ''Metroid'', ''The Legend of Zelda'' and ''Mario'' franchises) are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks.

However, a January 2014 leak by a Nintendo Employee revealed that Chris had, in fact, returned to his [[Nintendo|Nintendo]] roots, buying nearly every single game on the eShop.

He owns almost no sports games. In the [[Mailbag 2|Mailbag]], he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly [[Obesity|why.]]

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. "Hardcore" games aimed at "adults" are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console peasant==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile and loathsome [[HEXBox]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Video games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the GameCube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. His feelings changed when he bought a PS1 at a "rummage sale" for cheap, intending to resell it elsewhere for profit, but instead played it and found it wasn't bad.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref> One would expect this to be a lesson against nonsensical [[Chris and brand loyalty|brand loyalty]], but instead Chris just focused his hatred on Microsoft. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

Today, as of [[January 2015]], he is now a hardcore [[Nintendo]] fan at Sony's expense, as revealed by a recent leak by a TRUE AND HONEST [[Nintendo]] employee [http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/].

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with [[Megan Schroeder|Megan's]] quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply [[Collosal Chan|colossal]]. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Set Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"), even though he could easily check and see that he can't play his copy of Little Big Planet in his Wii, although he is either too lazy, or is afraid of having [[14 Branchland Court|his house]] raided by [[jerkop]]s.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, of which we can only see in science fiction currently.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's video games]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Club Nintendo]]
* [[Fandoms]]
* [[PlayStation 3]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

PlayStation 3

2016-07-28T00:32:53Z

Broseph:

[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

{{DeadLinks}}

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". Chris desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to this end he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade only to purchase another shortly after.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently buys DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$6,127.64 ''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===

<center>
[[Image:PSNTracker.png|PSN Activity tracker]] 
'''Chris''' was last spotted playing '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] Legacy of the Duelist''''' for the [[PlayStation 4|PS4]]. 
Chris has spent over '''$8581.62''' of [[Monthly tugboat|YOUR money]]! 
Chris's [[PSN]] is '''Sonichu'''. You can see his profile [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu here].
</center>

The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside of his [[Chris's room|room]]. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]] in the spring of 2008, although that signal spike might have been augmented as a result of his concurrent "breakup" with Megan Schroeder in a bid to salve the emotional wound with the desperate application of virtual toys. Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a shit ton more [[monthly tugboat|tugboat money]] on PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 10. Source: [[CWC PSN Spending R script]] ]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 29 [[January 2016]], Chris has 3,724 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]''
|12
|100%
| A fairly short game fighting game that can generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|[[Chris and Sex|69]]
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu (character)|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
| ''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
| All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
| Furries galore.
|-
| ''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
| 21
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made [[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
| 15
| 100%
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but in reality, he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
| 12
| 100%
| [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
| ''Sonic the Hedgehog''
| 12
| 100%
| Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
| [[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
| 13
| 100%
| A Vita tutorial.
|-
| ''Sly Minigames''
| 8
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''100!!!''...oh, it's 4 trophies for 4 levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time|Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time]]''
| 37
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet: Deadlocked|Ratchet: Deadlocked]]''
| 31
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal|Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal]]
| 33
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 2|Ratchet & Clank 2]]''
| 35
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale|PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale]]''
| 56
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Midway Arcade Origins|Midway Arcade Origins]]''
| 32
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:God of War: Ascension|God of War: Ascension]]''
| 36
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS|NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS]]''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders Giants|Skylanders Giants]]''
| 46
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank (video game)|Ratchet & Clank]]''
| 35
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders SWAP Force|Skylanders SWAP Force]]''
| 40
| 94%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Granted, it's an acclaimed title, but Chris thinks this game is up there among the greatest ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. However, it's worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Treasures of Montezuma Blitz|Treasures of Montezuma Blitz]]''
| 13
| 85%
|
|-
| ''[[LEGO]] [[wikipedia:The LEGO Movie Video Game|Movie - Videogame]]''
| 49
| 82%
|
|
|-
| ''God of War''
| 33
| 82%
| Most of the trophies are earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]''
| 5
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]''
| 63
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders: Trap Team|Skylanders: Trap Team]]''
| 47
| 78%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
| 35
| 77%
| A pop music version of ''Guitar Hero''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One|Ratchet & Clank 4 One]]''
| 45
| 77%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band Blitz|Rock Band Blitz]]''
| 18
| 76%
|
|-
| ''The Price is Right''
| 11
| 76%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
| 43
| 72%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
| 7
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
| 27
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 3]]''
| 38
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Papo & Yo|Papo & Yo]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation Home|PlayStation Home]]''
| 13
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock of the Dead|Rock of the Dead]]''
| 21
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
| 36
| 62%
| ''Sonic Kart'' couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to ''ModNation''.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Tomb Raider (2013)|Tomb Raider]]''
| 51
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
| 31
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:LittleBigPlanet Karting|LittleBigPlanet Karting]]''
| 45
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band: Classic Rock]]''
| 12
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:The House of the Dead 4|The House of the Dead 4]]''
| 15
| 52%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|Uno]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|Xbox Live Arcade]] version. Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PlayStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play free rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* <s>[http://us.playstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]</s> Dead link as of May 2015
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]</s> Dead link as of May 2015

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Caitlin

2016-07-27T19:33:30Z

Broseph:

'''Caitlin''' was a waitress [[Chris]] had a crush on for a day or so. He mentioned that he met her at [[Golden Corral]] with his [[Bob|father]]. There has been no indication that Caitlin ever had any more interaction with Chris than just being polite to him while he was a guest at the restaurant she worked in, and it is presumed that she never called Chris since he never brought her up again, probably because she wasn't interested in dating an autistic manchild.

==Description to Panda==
[''excerpt from chat with Panda'']

{{quotebox| I just went out to Golden Corall with my [[Bob|father]]; [[Barbara|mom]] stayed home, because she [[Obesity|didn't feel well]]. Anyway, I've made a new [[gal-pal]] today; the server who served me and my father. She was cute. Her name is Caitlin. Eventually, she commented on the [[Family Guy]] episode I was playing on my [[PSP]], I introduced myself to her and there was a peaceful spark. I left her a note on a napkin talking about [[Sonichu.net]], that I'd like to be friends with her, and my phone number. I noted my being "[[sex tape|internet famous]]", and mentioned sonichu.net, then listed my phone number in inquisition of [[china|being friends]]... 
If I'm there again, I'll make a note to talk to her again, or ask about her among the staff; my family and I personally know a couple of other female staff members (both older and taken).<ref>[[:Image:Iamsvenka.jpg]]</ref>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{People}}
[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Caitlin

2016-07-27T19:30:42Z

Broseph:

'''Caitlin''' was a waitress [[Chris]] had a crush on for a day or so. He mentioned that he met her at [[Golden Corral]] with his [[Bob|father]]. There has been no indication that Caitlin ever had any more interaction with Chris than just being polite to him while he was a guest at the restaurant she worked in, and it is presumed that she never called Chris since he never brought her up again.

==Description to Panda==
[''excerpt from chat with Panda'']

{{quotebox| I just went out to Golden Corall with my [[Bob|father]]; [[Barbara|mom]] stayed home, because she [[Obesity|didn't feel well]]. Anyway, I've made a new [[gal-pal]] today; the server who served me and my father. She was cute. Her name is Caitlin. Eventually, she commented on the [[Family Guy]] episode I was playing on my [[PSP]], I introduced myself to her and there was a peaceful spark. I left her a note on a napkin talking about [[Sonichu.net]], that I'd like to be friends with her, and my phone number. I noted my being "[[sex tape|internet famous]]", and mentioned sonichu.net, then listed my phone number in inquisition of [[china|being friends]]... 
If I'm there again, I'll make a note to talk to her again, or ask about her among the staff; my family and I personally know a couple of other female staff members (both older and taken).<ref>[[:Image:Iamsvenka.jpg]]</ref>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{People}}
[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Caitlin

2016-07-27T19:25:48Z

Broseph:

'''Caitlin''' is a waitress [[Chris]] had a crush on for a day or so. He met her at [[Golden Corral]]. There has been no indication that Caitlin ever had any more interaction with Chris than just being polite to him while he was a guest at the restaurant she worked in, and it is presumed that she never called Chris since he never brought her up again.

==Description to Panda==
[''excerpt from chat with Panda'']

{{quotebox| I just went out to Golden Corall with my [[Bob|father]]; [[Barbara|mom]] stayed home, because she [[Obesity|didn't feel well]]. Anyway, I've made a new [[gal-pal]] today; the server who served me and my father. She was cute. Her name is Caitlin. Eventually, she commented on the [[Family Guy]] episode I was playing on my [[PSP]], I introduced myself to her and there was a peaceful spark. I left her a note on a napkin talking about [[Sonichu.net]], that I'd like to be friends with her, and my phone number. I noted my being "[[sex tape|internet famous]]", and mentioned sonichu.net, then listed my phone number in inquisition of [[china|being friends]]... 
If I'm there again, I'll make a note to talk to her again, or ask about her among the staff; my family and I personally know a couple of other female staff members (both older and taken).<ref>[[:Image:Iamsvenka.jpg]]</ref>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{People}}
[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Sweetheart

2016-07-26T03:28:14Z

Broseph:

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a [[Mia Hamm|hooker]] (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a grown man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games all day and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need.]] As of [[2016]], this habit has been coming back to bite him in the ass harder than ever as the [[Financhu Crisis|Chandler finances sinks into an all-time low]] Refusing to take responsibility, he has [[Please,_Donate|resorted]] [[Donation_Request|to]] [[Donations,_Please,_plus_Live_Game_Stream_tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville_Shopping_is_on_Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonalds|food,]] bills, and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money| managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a financial nightmare. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

==Conclusion==
Chris has myriad problems, and no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - is likely to find him attractive. Chris isn't a lost cause though - a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment could hypothetically entice a sweetheart, but these things have a mouse's chance in a tampon factory of happening. As it stands, Chris simply will not attract a sweetheart.
==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}