CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Tomgirl Pictures

2011-05-06T22:53:47Z

Brown kitty:

In case anyone's wondering, the images are called "TG#" because TomGirl. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* '''MY EYES!''' CAN NOT UNSEE! [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)CFA

Is there ANY backstory to this?!? What I don't understand is that he 1) went into PUBLIC wearing this stuff (there's a picture of him at his mall) and 2) It looks like he shaved his underarms in one or two pictures...WHY?! Dear God why?! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 19:26, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* Pretty sure he always shaved his underarms. I don't know why I know that. --[[User:Kwippleton|Kwippleton]] 19:38, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:I guess you don't understand hygiene, 4Macie. That's besides esthetics. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 06:02, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*Yes but A. This is Chris, hygiene is a foreign word to him and B. Its aesthetics. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:35, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
:The article could use some clarification as to what the hell is going on here. There's gotta be some sort of story behind this. What's the deal? This is some of Chris's weirdest antics yet. Just when you think the lulcow ran dry... [[User:Abyssal|Abyssal]] 19:42, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Note that both ears are pierced, not just the gay ear (see: cucumbers on eyes pic). Also, that's his real hair and the images aren't censored; he's wearing a g-string. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Are they really pierced or are they those clip on/magnet ones?? Is there anyway we can tell?? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:04, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:: They're real. Trust me. If they were clip ons, there would be more of an indent. I'm also pretty sure that clip ons are bigger. The ones I had as a kid certainly were, and I was pretty into those things. [[User:PedoforkBait|PedoforkBait]] 20:08, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::: That would make sense...I bet the ring/hoop ones are fake though, there's no hole for them in other pictures (unless he got them later). And why are they so oddly placed?? They aren't on the lobe like they should be...unless they've changed where they put them now (I got mine when I was 7). Or...could he have done them himself??? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::: They are real. Also, I'm not aware of any way to have a stud clip-on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 20:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
*At this point, he's gotta be fucking with us. He wants to gross us out, so we don't bother him. --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 20:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: You think he pierced his ears to get us to leave him alone? [[User:PeachyKeen|PeachyKeen]] 20:20, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

He's using a real camara to take his picture in some of these, that's unusual. I wonder what the poor guy who had to develop them was thinking. O_o [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 20:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

This is probably a long shot, however I really think he did this for a girl. Most likely a girl who liked to dress up as a guy and wanted Chris to do the same. Or it's a really, really good troll. Either way, whoever made him do this is really good at what they do, because these pictures are FUCKING DISGUSTING. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 20:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: [[:File:TG3.jpg|"...when the government fears the people, there is liberty"]]. I'm sure this new heartsweet has her Guy Fawkes mask ready. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 02:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Let me tell you something, and like I said, this really isn't really the place to say it. But nonetheless, whenever I try to rationalize what Chris does, I usually get disappointed because the simple fact of the matter is - Chris is just fucked up.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The saddest thing about all this is that this didn't even suprise me in the slightest, I wasn't even mildly shocked to see Chris in drag, or even with a sock on his flacid manhood. --[[User:Gustofwind|Gustofwind]] 21:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: many are saying it isn't a sock...it's a g-string. You can't see the strings holding it up because of his gut roll over but when he does the picture of his butt, you can see the black thong part in the crack.....if you REALLY want to look that is. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Goddaemnd monkey-assed hell. Well, what do we do with this page? Start describing shit? In fuckin' ''detail''?! It could stand as is, like the CWCki's own personal 'shock page'...--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:00, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

INFO, somebody has it. Where are the pictures from? Did he upload them somewhere? Or is it old stuff made public by trolls? --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:It's all recent and Clyde got it by hacking Chris' PSN. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 22:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::Excellent, this, coupled with the PSN being down, is probably the best chance we'll get at him returning. --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::PSN has been offline for a week all because of these photos, spread the word [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 22:15, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::In the meantime, someone try to find an appropreate picture of King Hippo from the Captain N cartoon; he also crossdresses, and he's also a fat, useless, discolored retard.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:17, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

In some of these, he looks uncannily like a fat version of Buffalo Bill. [[User:Vulture-chan|Vulture-chan]] 22:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

I was about to ask if the PSN take down made him go further down the crazy hole o_o [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:Chris has been at this a while, and you can tell because growing out hair takes a while. The PSN going down was coincidence. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 00:49, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
I also love the claims that he is "straight". Yeah, Chris is as "straight" as a circle >_> [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:34, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Circle? Try "ampersand." --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:25, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

here's something everybody should think about: chris is wearing his mom's clothes. i mean surely he didn't pay for any of this shit when there are MOUNTAINS of free clothes blocking up whole rooms of his house. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 00:36, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:Already wore his mum's underwear that one time. Wouldn't be a new thing for him. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 01:19, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

I wonder if Bob has caught this yet. [[User:Westbound|Westbound]] 05:08, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

*Guys, please, remember - this page is [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|not a forum]]. Srsly, I told you fuckers that that ModNation Racer character wasn't Crystal.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:22, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

Anyone with some solid info about this? Do this is a new saga? Who asked him to dress that way? Do we got any metadata linked to the picture so we can have time/date info? This is the best update for months and we got so little info on it. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:00, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*I can talk to Tito about getting the raw images so we can get some metadata behind these.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 30 April 2011 (PDT)
*Could he be trying to be Crystal the Imaginary Twin sister? He tends to stick to the stripey clothing and jeans, which is pretty much what she wore [[User:PoppyPink|PoppyPink]] 00:24, 30 April 2011 (GMT)

*This is pure speculation, but do you think it's Mic, the one girl he talked about in the Autism Tutorial?--[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 07:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The updates are few an far between, but when they come, they are fascinating. I especially like how the Sailor Moon poster is in some of the the pics. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

This is going to kill Bob. Chris has evolved into a Snorlax. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 04:01, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

Well, there goes the theory of "Chris actually got his shit together and has begun leading a semi-normal life". [[User: GrotchManchowder|GrotchManchowder]] 23:02, 1 May 2011 (EST)

== Disturbing revelation ==

*[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG19.jpg This pic] raises several disturbing things. First off, If you look in the background, you see the journey's sign. Why does this matter you ask?
[http://www.simon.com/mall/MallDirectoryPrint.aspx?id=117 Fashion Square Mall Directory]
Journey's in the section labeled G on the map. Right near exact center of the mall, meaning he walked around like that near small children. It also explains where he might have picked up everything, for the women's Belk is right around the corner. The disturbing part is he walked around the mall a hop skip and a jump from where I work! And before you ask, no I didn't see him drag. Side note, he is wearing his ring again, see [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG5.jpg this pic]. Also, there is a piercing pagoda in the mall. In summation, he got pierced, did up and bought his tranny clothes all in the mall most likely. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
: Is [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG3.jpg this sign] somewhere in the mall? Is this part of some sort of cross-dressing awareness event, and is Chris just taking part? [[User:Turnabout|Turnabout]] 22:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
**It looks like the chalkboard Chris drew on in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]], which is in Charlottesville. That doesn't look like Chris's handwriting, so I think it's safe to assume he has a new, masculine gal-pal. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 10:25, 30 April 2011 (PDT)
*That chalkboard is the free speech wall on the downtown mall. You know where he did the sonichu dash vid? Same location. It's at the end down near the post office and right near a merry go round. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:20, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
*Maybe something worth adding, additional horror: "Basically this is what Crystal would look like."--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 12:57, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

== Info? ==

Is there ANY background to this? Like: where did he get the term "TomGirl" and why does he think it means to dress up like a girl? (aka: this is cross-dressing...not being a "TomGirl") I guess it was said that this was hacked off his PS3 (PSN)..but WHY was it there in the first place?? He obviously took them for someone...he wouldn't have taken pictures of himself in drag if it was solely for his own viewing...would he??? I guess..
TL;DR: Is there any information about this??? Someone has to know something! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Well [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomgirl Wikipedia] Explains a tomgirl is a reverse tomboy, a guy who acts girly, a femboi in essence is a tomgirl. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 21:06, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
::Hmmm...well that's a start. Though I think Chris took this one a little too far for it to still be "TomGirl"ish... Now we just need the WHY I guess. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:11, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:::For the love of fuck just shut up and wait for the inevitable infodump that will explain everything.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 21:28, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
::::*True, though pretty much what's going on has already been explained by [[Tito]] [http://789chan.org/cwc/res/53442.html here]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:19, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

*Sweet merciful Jesus, he..he finally snapped, or he finally accepted it, just...wow. [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 21:32, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

== Preexisting gender determination issues ==

There is so fucking much up with this guy I don't even know where to start, but cross-dressing is the tip of the fucking iceberg here. CWC genuinely has no masculine features except his receding hairline, and his fat distribution and build are very effeminate. (Not feminine - he looks androgynous leaning away from male.) The club-dick might be the result of hypospadias (extra dick hole for a partially to fully separate urethra, as in women) corrected by some inept hillbilly doctor, which is an indicator for a variety of sex-determination issues. Kleinfelter's (XXY sex chromosomes) is coincident with it and a variety of mental conditions, including ASD, although he'd be outside of the normal range of intelligence for the syndrome.

The thing here is to compare Chris to relatively masculine fatasses. Moobs that size on masculine men are usually accompanied by a pretty big stomach, and while CWC's breasts are obviously almost 100% the result of fat distribution, a massive amount of his excess fat is in typically female areas, i.e. hips, thighs, ass, etc.

The other side of the coin is that CWC has a lot of the features of abandoned or half-hearted male feminization - box tits with flat, weird nipples; an extremely protruberant but generally formless ass; the general fat and body pattern of a long post-menopause woman. In short, these people look like the Snorlax (as CWC has begun to) because, like her, the last major influence on their secondary sexual features is still high estrogen levels that are no longer significant enough to have a major effect.
Other relevant features of male-to-female transition, either medically or anecdotally ubiquitous, are the softening of body hair, the mild regrowth of scalp hair, emotional upheaval, sexual dysfunction, and massive mood swings. The last three of those are also attributable to testosterone therapy in patients with previously low testosterone levels.

I'm not saying I'm sure there's some kind of congenital or external source of hormone problems for sure, but it seems pretty likely to me that either he was on testosterone for a brief period in response to an indifferent puberty from some sexual condition (possibly explaining his sudden and totally incomplete sexual awakening at 16) or he was, at some point between then and now, medicated with anti-androgens or even some kind of low-level female hormone regimen, either clinically or domestically. (There are reasons that were then and are partially now considered medically reasonable for doing that - chemical castration, for one, for instance when a poorly-managed autistic teenager develops a raging and violently-ideated libido - but God only knows why things happen under that fucking roof.)

TL,DR: Chris might have girl parts and either his parents fucked with his endocrine system at a young age or things with his new boyfriend-free heartsweet are going to get weirder before they make perfect sense.
I've been suspicious of this since his first nudes went up, and this is just icing on the cake. And if you guys think he's a lulcow while he's trying to be a man...

:nah he's just a dumb fatty -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 02:41, 1 May 2011 (PDT)
::I have to agree with Acousticvirgin on this. While your theory is quite interesting...most of this can be explain just by looking at Chris and his family. Chris's family had him at a really old age. His mom was almost in menopause and his father was already a senior citizen. The father at such an old age could be a factor in Autism (it's a scientific theory) and his mother having him so close to menopause could be the reason for any hormonal imbalance (it's a scientific fact that when women are older when a child is born that hormonal imbalances can occur, ESPECIALLY if that older woman doesn't take the prenatal vitamins...). The fat distribution of Chris can be explain by either the hormonal imbalance or by the fact that he doesn't really move all the much, much less work out (or both combined). If you look at pictures of him in his HighSchool years he's a LOT thinner...most likely due to a high metabolism since he didn't work out and wasn't in sports. With his age he's either lost that metabolism or he's out-eating it, either is a possibility. The fact that he doesn't work out at all and doesn't really move around all that much means that there's going to be limited muscles there and much more fat. His arms are skinny because men usually don't get a whole bunch of fat there; his legs are kinda chunky, but men get that too. His butt, gut, and thighs are fat simply because that's where the fat goes. Now, the manboobs. Some men get moobs whether or not they have some gender issue...Chris on the other hand has a set that is way too big to be normal. This could be because of the hormonal imbalance from birth, OR because he doesn't work that muscle out at all. Most men do some form of exercise for that muscle whether or not they go to the gym. They lift things, they carry things, or just daily movement will work out the pectorals for men. The fact that this particular muscle gets NO exercise or movement from Chris could mean that the pectorals are much more fat than muscle. His sexual inexperience until 16 can be explained by parenting and by his autism. His parents never had any reason to discuss his puberty with him so he never really understood sex or masturbation until he saw it in a movie, and now that he does, he still only does it 1 or 2 times a week...quite abnormal for a boy/man from puberty to about 40 years old (age after puberty varies of course). Some autistics are asexual and never have sex throughout their lives because they don't understand sex nor do they really understand/want any kind of romantic relationship. The fact that Chris wants one so badly means nothing; he's shown that he doesn't really understand relationships and treats them like a 8 year old would. ===> TL,DR: Chris's parents had him at too old an age, that along with the fact that he's overweight and doesn't work out at all has made him who he is today... and more likely than not...it'll only get worse. (These pictures show an increased weight since the last time we've seen him; especially in the face and chest.) And Chris wants sex just because he doesn't want the title VIRGIN, he really has no sex drive.--[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 08:17, 1 May 2011 (PDT)
:::Now, we have to remember that Chris is very simple. When he had to choose between his console and his galpal, and he chose the galpal, he demanded to have the consol as well, because he did the right thing. Just like in the movies. Chris doesn't necessarily understand love or attraction, he merely knows that relationship is a good thing, and it should be desired. In his simple mind, a relationship with a woman means perfect, neverending happiness that will fix all his problems. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 13:08, 1 May 2011 (PDT)

*I'm inclined to agree with Acousticvirgin here as well. I think a more plausible explanation though, is that due to DA [[autism|AUTISM]], Chris doesn't understand gender as a construct very well and so goes crazy with it. Or Chris could just be stupid. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:55, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

:Interesting theory, but I disagree with it. Klinefelter's patients tend to have unnatural looking body proportions (extremely long limbs, wide hips, short torsos), and have normal levels of intelligence (remember, Chris was on the Honor Roll). I don't think his bizarre fat deposits are caused by any meiotic disorder like Klinefelter's, but rather terrible diet fucking with his body, raising his estrogen levels, and causing him to develop gynecomastia. Once that happens, it causes him to have female-like fat deposits. [[User:GrotchManchowder|GrotchManchowder]] 23:01, 1 May 2011 (EST)

*My two cents, for what it's worth. The moobs appear to be [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gynecomastia Gynecomastia] In short, estrogen made him grow boobs. Estrogen would also explain why his voice is in the annoyingly high pitched range. As for [http://www.wikidoc.org/index.php/Klinefelter's_syndrome Klienfelter's Syndrome], the man child does in fact track rather well. Compare to this [http://www.andrologyjournal.org/content/vol29/issue6/images/large/andr-29-6-605-f01.jpeg Pic of man with Klienfilter's syndrome]. Thing is,[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conditions_comorbid_to_autism_spectrum_disorders Autism is comorbid], so odds are it isn't just autism. In summation, odds are Chris has da autism and some kind of glandular disorder. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:43, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
----Oh, and here I thought that point had already been shot down half a dozen other times and people’d actually read other bad theories before posting theirs. There's absolutely no sense to this theory, or for that matter anything remotely empiric behind it, but plenty plain to sight that shows it's impossible: Only people who don’t understand how gene expression and hormones work could think it makes sense. I don’t know where to start, there’s so much nonsence in that theory I might as well start picking it out.
> ''fat distribution and build are very effeminate...''
:What? Really, and here I thought comparing photos with a baseline would be easy, even for e-doctors. There’s hardly anything about that fat distribution that’s female. The fat went almost exclusively to his abdomen when he was just [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cwcbraorig.JPG overweight], that’s the type of adipose distribution you get with testosterone. What’s more, the manboobs are dead common in obese men, you’re not just going to get the visceral [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:WantWoman.jpg FA5] type gut fat, but also tit fat, so by your standards [http://img.wikinut.com/img/4-hz_myuqu_9-u51/jpeg/0/Serious-obesity.jpeg fatguy here’s a dickgirl]. The fact that excess estrogens and mostly androgens(which worsen that acne) wind up being made by all that extra fat isn’t intersex.
''>he looks androgynous leaning away from male.''
:And just how? A prominent [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:100_2296.JPG gablela/brow] isn’t gender neutral, neither is his [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG21.jpg square morphing into a pear face shape], he certainly has no problem in growing facial hair as these last photos show, his jawline isn’t slender even if the fat makes it hard to make out, that nose is kind of big & like the other features testosterone promotes their growth. Oh and his hairline is quite [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG12.jpg high] around the temples and frontal, another manly trait. His face isn’t androgynous or gender neutral at all.
>''The club-dick might be the result of hypospadias (extra dick hole for a partially to fully separate urethra, as in women) corrected by some inept hillbilly doctor, which is an indicator for a variety of sex-determination issues. Kleinfelter's (XXY sex chromosomes) is coincident with it and a variety of mental conditions, including ASD, although he'd be outside of the normal range of intelligence for the syndrome.''
:It’s all wrong. If it actually were a urogenital intersex condition it’d have almost certainly been handled in a hospital by specialists, given how surgery is screened to more qualified MD, the chance of a inept hick doctor is nil. Never mind the fact that his dick doesn’t look like what you normally get from the infant sex assignment, and that his body certainly doesn’t match the phenotype you’d get with 5ARD Kleifeters or PAIS. The whole bit about his hairline ,[http://www.sonichu.com/w/images/a/ad/Personalprofile.jpg acne] and facial structure being too [http://www.sonichu.com/w/images/6/67/0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg androgenized] and all.
Probably the most important thing about it all is that '''Autism is not something that correlates with estrogen'''. [http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3040206/ Testosterone has a demonstrated casual role] in altering the expressions of genes to induce it, where as estrogen prevents it. Also Cohen’s research indicates that there is a very strong correlation for biomarkers indicating increased testosterone exposure/sensitivity and autism. So no, the idea of Chris being Estrogen dominant and ASD is nonsence. I could keep going on point by point on everything that’s wrong with this theory, but I think the point’s certainly been made. This theory keeps coming from people who just don't get how it works, so an overkill was in need.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 20:14, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
----

*The prominent nipples are a dead giveaway to gyncomastia. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:21, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
:Have you ever looked at a fat man? Their nipples are enlarged, it's something that's induced by the adipose building up there, that's pseudogyncomastia. Unless if he's been sneaking his mother's premarin there isn't going to be much in the way of nodules there. It's possible that the adipose leads to more hormones and aromatase makes some of them into estrogen, but that's a common enough thing in the obese. It's an analogue to that why they also have higher DHT levels.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 20:25, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
:Which leads back to the crux of the question, is his moobs due to him being a fatass or him being a fatass makes him have moobs? Either way, he clearly has hormone issues. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 13:28, 3 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
*cool theory doc but have you considered that he is a fat dummy who is fat and dumb and smells like dumb fat -Dr.[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 20:56, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

== Congratulations ==

Congratulations Chris (Or should I say Christina) You have finally come to terms with your sexuality and gender issues. The road ahead may still be windy but at least now you can be happy its the right track. I've never seen you so happy and content and this all of your doing. no manipulation here.

You might find love now that you have found yourself.

Go forth my Child.
--[[User:Bentduck|Bentduck]] 19:02, 1 May 2011 (PDT)

== Seriously guys ==

Next person who posts something not related to improving this page gets (temporarily) banned. This is [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|not a forum]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:53, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
* Well, don't know if it should be added to the picture captions but on the pictures [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG3.jpg A] and [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG4.jpg B] They are taken on the downtown mall. Pictures [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG12.jpg C] and [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG19.jpg D] were taken in the Fashion Square mall, where the piercing pagoda is. And Finally, [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG5.jpg Picture C] he is wearing his high school ring it but can't really tell. Unsure if linking to the downtown mall and the fashion square mall would be uneeded piping. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:50, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
* It might be worthwhile to note the bizarre horizontal flipping of some images. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 01:01, 3 May 2011 (PDT)

== Contactin' C for article material ==
Mmkay, well, do we still have Chris's email address? Can we still reach him on online chats or whatever? Is there no way someone can get hold of him and gently interrogate him about HOLY CRAP CHRIS WHAT THE FUCK and add some substance and reasoning to the insanity displayed on this page? I'm sure he won't mind the attention. I'd volunteer, but, uh, Chris fucking scares me. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 12:22, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
:<s>If only we'd thought of that sooner. I'll contact all the trolls and let them know.</s> Chris doesn't answer emails or phonecalls. He's virtually impossible to contact unless you already have a foot in the door. If you did contact Chris, he would be largely unresponsive and then ignore you. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:27, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
::Mmmkay, fair enough. How about friends/family/people unfortunate to exist in Chris's general vicinity? The freak went out in public like this; somebody has to know something. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 10:44, 3 May 2011 (PDT)

== Sandals ==

A rather minor point I'm sure, but as someone who has worked in a shoe store, is it worth pointing out that those sandals are clearly too small for Chris? Possible as a caption under the thumbnail? [[User:SilentThunder|SilentThunder]] 09:41, 3 May 2011 (PDT)
:Chris is a cheap bastard who gets almost all his clothes (in fact, pretty much anything but his video game crap) second-hand; I don't think he's ever been very concerned with picking stuff that actually suits him (though whether this stuff "suits" Chris probably depends on the definition you're working with). As long as it goes on his ever-widening frame without garotting him, he's happy. Of course, maybe you can work a mention of it into the "Chris and Fashion" article... [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 10:48, 3 May 2011 (PDT)
:: Yeah i figured, but that looks almost painful how small those are on him [[User:SilentThunder|SilentThunder]] 14:37, 3 May 2011 (PDT)

== So that surprise... ==

Do we still need that "So you know that surprise" picture on this page? I understand why it was there when this page was started but I'm not sure if it should stay. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 22:13, 5 May 2011 (PDT)
:My opinion counts for nothing, given my n00b status, but I'd say keep it. Adds some drama. --[[User:Redcynic|Redcynic]] 22:19, 5 May 2011 (PDT)
:When I uploaded the images, I wasn't really thinking and assumed that it was part of what had been found from Chris. I think that, as with all images of this sort, if there's a better version or a better image can be made that conveys a similar "message", it should be replaced. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 03:35, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

==Reversed images==

If you use the DSi's front camera that is in between the two screens, the picture will end up reversed like in Chris's pictures. I would upload a picture or something to show it, but I can't find my sd card -_-

Aside from that, I thought Chris had a camera?? I dunno why he'd stick to his DSi, unless he was planning on sticking around at the mall to use his old attraction techniques. Unlikely.

Probably. [[User:Brown kitty|Brown kitty]] 15:53, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

Homos

2010-11-28T21:43:58Z

Brown kitty: /* Why Chris appears to be gay */

[[Image:Homobad.jpg|center|350px]]

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==

[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]]]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag 4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==

Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]]]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.
{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]].''

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called "[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]", and insisted that he likes gays who "ac—...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]] who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but god forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/</ref>
{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene," and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that ''[[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts — in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban of homosexuals in the American Armed Forces. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]".
{{clear}}

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for ''"DA HOMOS"''. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop] ]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the more gay he appears.]] He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!" every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
*Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat", including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7]]</ref>
*Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9]]</ref>
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
*He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women.]]
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag 55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "'''Homosexuality'''" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves tossing them into a garbage bin inside him, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s [[Asperchu]] comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>

{{clear}}

==Defenses against becoming homo==

[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment).<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag 5]]</ref>

In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's Playboy magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires.]]

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read nor wouldn't care to read]].}}

{{clear}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

*''"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"''<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
*''"I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
*''"I'm straight, don't doubt me!"'''<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
*''"Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."'''<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
*''"Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
*''"Anyway the, uh--anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
*''"And look at me. Do I look like-- [shakes head in disagreement] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty, SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Recent transgender tendencies==
Like shoving [[dildo]]s and [[Julie Reveals Herself|medallions]] up his ass, as well as wearing a [[muscle bra]], a recent set of videos released on 19 October 2010 took Chris's faggotry to a whole new level. One [[Pregnant Act|video]] features the apparently [[Obesity|pregnant]] Chris giving birth to [[Lil' Chris]]. In another video, Chris, possibly under the influence of [[Jackie]], wore the [[Plush Breasts of Fail]] under his sports bra in an astoundingly creepy [[Breast Cancer Awareness|PSA]] for Breast Cancer. Trolls have speculated that [[Monthly Tugboat|with your help]], a South Park inspired Chris will go from a manchild to a tranchild; assuming Chris-Chan Rosechu doesn't piss that [[Chris and Money|money]] away on [[PS3]] games and moar [[dildo]]s.

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations". Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Its OK to be GAY Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) comes clean
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC(Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-Chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Homos

2010-11-28T21:13:00Z

Brown kitty: /* Hatred of homos */

[[Image:Homobad.jpg|center|350px]]

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==

[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]]]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag 4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==

Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]]]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.
{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]].''

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called "[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]", and insisted that he likes gays who "ac—...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]] who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but god forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/</ref>
{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene," and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that ''[[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts — in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban of homosexuals in the American Armed Forces. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]".
{{clear}}

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for ''"DA HOMOS"''. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop] ]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the more gay he appears.]] He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!" every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
*Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat", including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7]]</ref>
*Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9]]</ref>
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
*He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women.]]
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On braziers|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag 55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "'''Homosexuality'''" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves tossing them into a garbage bin inside him, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s [[Asperchu]] comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>

{{clear}}

==Defenses against becoming homo==

[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment).<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag 5]]</ref>

In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's Playboy magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires.]]

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read nor wouldn't care to read]].}}

{{clear}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

*''"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"''<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
*''"I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
*''"I'm straight, don't doubt me!"'''<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
*''"Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."'''<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
*''"Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
*''"Anyway the, uh--anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
*''"And look at me. Do I look like-- [shakes head in disagreement] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty, SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Recent transgender tendencies==
Like shoving [[dildo]]s and [[Julie Reveals Herself|medallions]] up his ass, as well as wearing a [[muscle bra]], a recent set of videos released on 19 October 2010 took Chris's faggotry to a whole new level. One [[Pregnant Act|video]] features the apparently [[Obesity|pregnant]] Chris giving birth to [[Lil' Chris]]. In another video, Chris, possibly under the influence of [[Jackie]], wore the [[Plush Breasts of Fail]] under his sports bra in an astoundingly creepy [[Breast Cancer Awareness|PSA]] for Breast Cancer. Trolls have speculated that [[Monthly Tugboat|with your help]], a South Park inspired Chris will go from a manchild to a tranchild; assuming Chris-Chan Rosechu doesn't piss that [[Chris and Money|money]] away on [[PS3]] games and moar [[dildo]]s.

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations". Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Its OK to be GAY Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) comes clean
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC(Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-Chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Homos

2010-11-28T21:10:50Z

Brown kitty: /* Hatred of homos */

[[Image:Homobad.jpg|center|350px]]

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==

[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]]]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag 4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==

Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]]]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.
{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]].''

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called "[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]", and insisted that he likes gays who "ac—...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]] who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but god forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/</ref>
{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene," and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links]</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that ''[[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts — in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban of homosexuals in the American Armed Forces. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]".
{{clear}}

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for ''"DA HOMOS"''. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop] ]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the more gay he appears.]] He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!" every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
*Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat", including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7]]</ref>
*Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9]]</ref>
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
*He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women.]]
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On braziers|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag 55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "'''Homosexuality'''" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves tossing them into a garbage bin inside him, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s [[Asperchu]] comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>

{{clear}}

==Defenses against becoming homo==

[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment).<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag 5]]</ref>

In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's Playboy magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires.]]

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read nor wouldn't care to read]].}}

{{clear}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

*''"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"''<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
*''"I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
*''"I'm straight, don't doubt me!"'''<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
*''"Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."'''<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
*''"Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
*''"Anyway the, uh--anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
*''"And look at me. Do I look like-- [shakes head in disagreement] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty, SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Recent transgender tendencies==
Like shoving [[dildo]]s and [[Julie Reveals Herself|medallions]] up his ass, as well as wearing a [[muscle bra]], a recent set of videos released on 19 October 2010 took Chris's faggotry to a whole new level. One [[Pregnant Act|video]] features the apparently [[Obesity|pregnant]] Chris giving birth to [[Lil' Chris]]. In another video, Chris, possibly under the influence of [[Jackie]], wore the [[Plush Breasts of Fail]] under his sports bra in an astoundingly creepy [[Breast Cancer Awareness|PSA]] for Breast Cancer. Trolls have speculated that [[Monthly Tugboat|with your help]], a South Park inspired Chris will go from a manchild to a tranchild; assuming Chris-Chan Rosechu doesn't piss that [[Chris and Money|money]] away on [[PS3]] games and moar [[dildo]]s.

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations". Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Its OK to be GAY Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) comes clean
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC(Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-Chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Homos

2010-11-28T21:06:39Z

Brown kitty: /* Hatred of homos */

[[Image:Homobad.jpg|center|350px]]

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==

[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]]]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag 3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag 4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==

Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]]]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.
{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]].''

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called "[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]", and insisted that he likes gays who "ac—...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]] who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but god forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/</ref>
{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene," and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links ]</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that ''[[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts — in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban of homosexuals in the American Armed Forces. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]".
{{clear}}

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for ''"DA HOMOS"''. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop] ]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the more gay he appears.]] He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!" every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
*Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat", including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7]]</ref>
*Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9]]</ref>
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
*He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women.]]
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On braziers|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag 55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "'''Homosexuality'''" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves tossing them into a garbage bin inside him, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s [[Asperchu]] comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>

{{clear}}

==Defenses against becoming homo==

[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment).<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag 5]]</ref>

In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's Playboy magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires.]]

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read nor wouldn't care to read]].}}

{{clear}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

*''"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"''<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
*''"I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
*''"I'm straight, don't doubt me!"'''<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
*''"Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."'''<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
*''"Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
*''"Anyway the, uh--anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
*''"And look at me. Do I look like-- [shakes head in disagreement] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty, SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Recent transgender tendencies==
Like shoving [[dildo]]s and [[Julie Reveals Herself|medallions]] up his ass, as well as wearing a [[muscle bra]], a recent set of videos released on 19 October 2010 took Chris's faggotry to a whole new level. One [[Pregnant Act|video]] features the apparently [[Obesity|pregnant]] Chris giving birth to [[Lil' Chris]]. In another video, Chris, possibly under the influence of [[Jackie]], wore the [[Plush Breasts of Fail]] under his sports bra in an astoundingly creepy [[Breast Cancer Awareness|PSA]] for Breast Cancer. Trolls have speculated that [[Monthly Tugboat|with your help]], a South Park inspired Chris will go from a manchild to a tranchild; assuming Chris-Chan Rosechu doesn't piss that [[Chris and Money|money]] away on [[PS3]] games and moar [[dildo]]s.

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations". Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Its OK to be GAY Chris-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) comes clean
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC(Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-Chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2010-11-19T00:29:34Z

Brown kitty: /* Early life */

''This article is about Christian Weston Chandler, the Internet's favorite autistic manchild. For all other uses please visit [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]''

{{Quote|"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dante_Alighieri Dante Alighieri's] [http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Divine_Comedy/Inferno/Canto_III ''Inferno'', canto III, verse IX]}}

{{Honest}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-Chan Ricardo Weston Chandler CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris Chrissy Junior Jenkins [[Carlos Chantor]] ''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus''
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Welfare leech

Making [[fail|failtastic]] [[Sonichu]] comics
|-
|}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[Chris and Rape|perverse]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|disgusting]], [[Chris and the law|quarrelsome]], [[Chris and anger|mean-spirited]], [[Death threats|spiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[niggos|racist]], [[Chris and health|overweight]], [[Chris and reality|delusional]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|stubborn]], [[Chris and religion|heretical]], [[art|completely]] and [[writing|utterly]] [[music|untalented]] "[[autism|high-functioning autistic]]" [[virgin with rage|virgin]] man-child, and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[fail|brilliant]] crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit videogame franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his laughably [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him.

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]]]]
Much like the devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]." In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan." Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler." He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick." Interestingly 'clownish tender anarchist' is a perfect anagram of Chris' full name.

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo," and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler," or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

{{-}}

==Overview==

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|It's all right Chris, we already know since you annoy us to death about it]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris_and_his_ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed—by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]]—to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single bedroom in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Chris and art|Chris cannot draw. At all.]] Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 23, when the hand-drawn [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of ''Sonichu'' was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the [[Chris and sex|sexual]] maturity of a young adult male. As a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight. Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]] and [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]
[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]," was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely it is to be true.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that [[Wikipedia:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]] lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl — if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.)

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian," which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school." Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree at [[Wikipedia:KB Toys|Kay Bee Toys]] as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]].

This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg

</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]]]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high-school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high-school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's (non)award winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face." Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre.''
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.]]
</gallery>}}

{{clear}}

===Adult adventures===

{{Quote|"It is certain, that even the most ignorant and stupid peasants, nay infants, nay even brute beasts, improve by experience.|[[Wikipedia:David Hume|David Hume]], [[Love_quest|having never met Chris]]}}

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on Sonichu, launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend… allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear]]

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', [[masturbation|masturbating]] and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a local game and card shop. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==

{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH]]

Chris's rare talent was discovered when he posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008 Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7]] unless his vast fan base rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce videos, comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.
{{clear}}

==Chris today==

{{main|2008|2009|2010}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell Sonichu products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|[[OkCupid|Hello]] [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This appears to be connected to a reduction in his online presence, and the disappearance of his [[medallion]] and his [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]]. Of late Chris has become paranoid and has grown more suspicious of anyone online, imploring everyone to meet him in person if they ''really'' want to get to know him. Of course, Chris has [[List of Chris's Lies|a penchant for lying]], so talking to him in real life is as pointless as talking to him online.

Chris's desire to avoid being fooled has not made him any better at doing it, and the smart money was that sooner or later he'll fall for some "girl" that asks him to [[BlueSpike|shove stuff up his ass]]. No matter how hard Chris tries to avoid the trolling, he will always inexplicably find someone to troll him.

Today Chris continues to live with his parents, living off the [[monthly tugboat|money]] he receives from the federal government as compensation for his autism, which allegedly renders him incapable of contributing to society. Since he has no job and is usually banned from any place he visits for more than thirty minutes, Chris has few social outlets and has grown increasingly withdrawn. In his desperate need for attention, he repeatedly returns to the trolls, unwittingly proving that the only people who will put up with him are those who just want him to do something stupid for them to laugh at.

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan 3: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = Part 3 of the series
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - the 503 faces of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC a sad story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 'My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler' Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Cwcville Show
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rDyg8bxeyTM}}
| Stardate = 23 December 2009
| Maker = BigBlackPony
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]], Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]], Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==

{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Chris and race

2010-11-15T23:38:08Z

Brown kitty: /* Parental influence */

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[Image:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|Chris's view of other races.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his Southern [[USA|U.S.]] heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence his use of the words "nigger" and "niggos."

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung fu master with slanty eyes. When a fan criticized this stereotyping, Chris claimed that Punchy was "NOT of Asian origin."<ref>[[Mailbag 6]]</ref> Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung fu to Japan, when in actuality it comes from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref>. In a [[Katie Bay E-mails|leaked series of e-mails]], it is shown that Chris simply does not seem to know that China and Japan are not the same, as he calls the Japanese account Chinese, failing to realize that they are separate countries with different languages, writing systems and currencies.

In his real-life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. However, he never includes black hair when he lists suitable hair colors for potential [[sweethearts]], which would exclude most Asian women. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin C. Kang of Korean Hope Presbyterian Church of Richmond in the [[church audio]].<ref>[http://www.taxexemptworld.com/organizations/chesterfield-county-va-virginia.asp?spg=2]</ref>

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

===Ching Chong===
[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Chéng Zhong'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "[[Cherokian]]" heritage with ''Sonichu'' lore. He depicts [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|Cherokee]] characters in his work as white-skinned and blue-eyed, and wearing Ancient Roman-style armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith, Jr|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The [[Wasabi Clan]] also bear no resemblance to Native Americans.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous "Cheroki-Chan", a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water-washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. This video was inevitable [[fail]] because true Cherokee wore vests, and used only bows and arrows (which Chris [[I AM STRONG|lacks the strength]] to use).

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]", Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the [[CWCville]] Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has seven candles in it, while the traditional menorah used on Hanukkah IRL, called a ''Hanukkiah'', has nine) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles (especially single ones not on a Menorah) are super-important to Jews!

Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply ''asking'' if he's allergic, she just assumes it. Because Jews are Melvins with many allergies, you see.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating specially ''fried'' foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris's [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish (although "Snyder" is a very common German last name, meaning "to cut"), using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

If Chris's antisemitism was veiled before, it becomes extremely apparent in an email he sent to [[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Katie Bay while impersonating Samantha Thaddeus]]. While talking about Michael Snyder, he refers to him as a "son of a bitch Jew" and a "pigheaded, stubborn Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on the [[Spanish]] language, Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a Grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized [[Wikipedia:Sombrero|sombrero]] and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "[[Wikipedia:Spanish fly|Spanish Fly]]", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the [[Homos|lesbian]] nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for people actually from Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern [[United States]] before the civil rights movement and [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|has claimed to have friends in the Ku Klux Klan and may be a member himself]], it's safe to assume that some of his prejudices passed on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. In [[2008]], Bob said that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black." In a [[Prank_calls#Call_Bobby_Chandler|2010 prank call]], Bob implied that he was a Ku Klux Klan member, and said ''"I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it."'' Of course, he may have just made these claims to intimidate [[troll]]s.

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides Southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical [[Adult Swim]] cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in ''Sonichu'' with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming [[Cherokee]] ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic. Chris most likely has no idea what kind of rituals took place in Native American culture. If he did, he would know that some tribes slit their [[duck|cocks]] to please the gods. I bet he doesn't want to be Native American anymore. Or does he?

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was [[Wikipedia:Jaleel White|Jaleel White]], a [[Niggos|black]] man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]], he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included [[Jack Thaddeus]] removing his ads from CWCipedia and [[Mao]] taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. He later performed [[Song for Jackie.MOV|a song in ''blackface'']] for his sweetheart [[Jackie]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in ''Sonichu''==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good, never seen)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (<s>Paleface</s> Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (Asian?, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST police officers)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, good, never seen)

In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Sonic the Hedgehog

2010-11-15T18:46:33Z

Brown kitty: /* Comics */

[[Image:Sonichuripoff.jpg|thumb|150px|Some poorly drawn rip-off of [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Sonic the Hedgehog''' is a shitty recolor of beloved hero and [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Sega's blatant plagiarism has given renowned Sonichu creator [[Christian Weston Chandler]] [[Stress|many sleepless nights]].

Chris claims that Sonic has been his life hero since June [[1990]] [''sic'']<ref>Sonic the Hedgehog wasn't released in North America or even Japan until June [[1991]] - see [[Wikipedia:Sonic_the_Hedgehog_(video_game)|here]]. Ironically, this is also a question on Chris's [[Quizzes#Sonic_the_Hedgehog_History|Sonic the Hedgehog MyBuzz quiz]] which Chris assigns the right answer of June 1991. Of course, there can be ''[[Wikipedia:Rad Mobile|Rad Mobile]]'' by Sega released in 1990, but that would have not made much sense either seeing as Sonic only made a cameo appearance as an air freshener and nothing more, despite the particular appearance in that game predating Sonic's own first game. That, and ''Rad Mobile'' was a very less known game from Sega, so the chance of Chrissy playing the game during 1990 ([[Soul Calibur|and failing miserably at it]]) would be highly unlikely.</ref>, replacing [[The American Rabbit]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>

==History==
Chris likely first learned about Sonic from watching the cartoon show ''[[Wikipedia:Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog|Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog]]'', involving the basic plot of Sonic and Tails running around to defeat [[Robotnik]], who was portrayed as a [[Obesity|plump]], [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]] man who would endeavor to conquer Mobius and destroy Sonic, failing spectacularly each time. At the end of every show, a small segment titled "Sonic Says" ([[Random-access humor|humorously]] misspelled "Sonic Sez" by Tails) would begin. Each segment would involve Sonic teaching a small moral lesson for kids to learn, such as [[Jerkops|when to call 9-1-1]], [[Rape|what to do if someone attempts to molest or kidnap you]], and telling kids [[Sonichu Special 4|not to play]] with [[Megatron Pistol|guns]].

The show was promoted via a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|contest]], with the grand prize being a [[Chris and money|$1,000 video game shopping spree]]. Chris was one of the two winners of the shopping spree and was featured in a news story about the contest, one of the biggest moments (if not ''the'' biggest moment) in his early life, spreading its influence far and wide, from his decisions to enter contests (cf. [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]], [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]], [[Pixelated PS3]]) to the eventual creation of [[Sonichu]].

Apparently, at one point, Sonic was more widely recognized than Mickey Mouse. He was also intentionally designed to be easy to draw, had an incoherently random daily cartoon and a dead-serious pseudo-cyberpunk Saturday cartoon to cover both ends of the kids' cartoon spectrum, an army of merchandising, and, oh yeah, most of the games actually didn't suck back in the day. That and its enormous popularity (he likes all popular music, after all, why not all popular cartoons?) almost certainly drew in Chris.

The reason Chris ''remains'' so unerringly loyal to Sonic is unknown. As the years went by, the games became steadily worse until they fell into a randomly spawning black hole of supercrap and seem doomed to dwell within its depths forever. The cartoons both ended, were replaced by something almost as godawful as Sonichu, and the latest cartoon is dumb enough to suck, yet not egregious enough at sucking to be ironically entertaining. Many more pop culture trends have come and gone, some good, some heinously bad, but Chris has stuck by Sonic (and Pokémon) like an abused wife. Judging by the large amount of pages about Sonic-loving lolcows (autistic or not) on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]], there's obviously something about Sonic that [[Trolls|we]] don't see. Given how rabid a fanboy Chris has become, perhaps brand loyalty has transitioned into a sort of fannish Stockholm syndrome.

Chris's loyalty was so strong that he was visibly upset when told by bullies that Sonic was dead.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 9]]</ref> This was an early example of trolls being able to find one of Chris's tardrage buttons.

==Role in the comics==
Sonic first appears in [[sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] as Super Sonic battling the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] in [[Station Square]]. Whilst battling him, a [[Pikachu]] comes to fight Perfect Chaos and is tackled by Sonic. The power of the Chaos Emeralds mutates said Pikachu into [[Sonichu]], who then defeats Perfect Chaos.

[[Sonichu 1|In the following issue]], he crashes into Sonichu again. After recognizing each other, they team up in order to rescue [[Rosechu]] from the clutches of [[Black Sonichu]].

Other than being the catalyst for the creation of Sonichu and teaming up with him in the second issue, Sonic serves no other purpose. He disappears after issue 1, never mentioned again until [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] where [[Robbie]] sickeningly refers to him as "Uncle Sonic."

==Tails's (lack of a) role in the comics==
'''Miles "Tails" Prower''' is Sonic's sidekick, and has been in the franchise since ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic The Hedgehog 2|Sonic The Hedgehog 2]]'' was released in [[1992]] for the [[Wikipedia:Sega Master System|Sega Master System]]. He has been featured in almost every form of Sonic-related media such as cartoons, anime and comic books. As such, many have been perplexed on why neither he nor an idiot ripoff (likely named "Prowerlo Sonichu") has made an appearance in ''Sonichu''.

Christian has refused to include Tails in his comics, despite ripping off Knuckles and Shadow and featuring an [[Transformers|Autobot]] named "[[Prower]]." It is likely Tails was omitted because of the rumors (made by [[BlueSpike|13-year-olds]] on [[GameFAQs|Gamefags]] and Failgrounds) that Sonic and Tails were a [[homos|gay]] couple. Christian said that ''"I just did not feel need for a Tails-like Character in the stories. I disagree with all the rumors against Tails; if you read the [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comics)|"Sonic the Hedgehog" Comic Book Series]] from Archie Comics, Tails gets a Girlfriend."''<ref>[[Mailbag_21#Why no Tails?]]</ref> He later claims that he ''"did not feel it appropriate for Tails to be in my comic."''<ref>[[Mailbag_38#Chris is an expert matchmaker]]</ref>

Despite this, Chris ''did'' create a Tails-like [[Pokémon]] named Evails, though he only appeared on the [[Wall of Originals]].

== Amy Rose ==

'''Amy Rose''' is a [[Sonic]] character created in [[1993]], making her first appearance in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|Sonic CD]]''. She serves as the self-proclaimed love-interest of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In fleshing out the world of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] quickly ripped off the character to serve as Sonichu's girlfriend, [[Rosechu]].

[[Image:Chrischan_traced.jpg|thumb|Yep, definitely different.]]
While Sonichu is essentially a recolor of Sonic the Hedgehog with a Pikachu tail shoved up his ass, Chris couldn't even be bothered to employ that tiny amount of creativity in creating Rosechu. Like Amy Rose, Rosechu has green eyes and pink fur, with the spines on her head arranged to resemble a bob haircut. Both wear red boots and dresses, with Rosechu's having a blue trim in a slightly different pattern to Amy's white trim. Visually, the only obvious distinction between the two is the [[Raichu]] tail Rosechu has, and the spines on the center of Amy's forehead, which Rosechu lacks. It should be noted, however, that when Chris draws Amy, he [[fail]]s to draw the forehead spines properly.

{{quote|MAJOR Differences between Amy and Rosie; Amy never had spikes on her back, the clothes are Different; Rosie’s Headband is White, not Red, and Rosechu has a modern girl kinda attitude, and lucky for her, Sonichu RARELY runs away from her charms. And, of course, she has her Electric-Type Attacks to boot.|Christian Weston Chandler, damning himself with [[The Sonichu Chronicles|faint praise]]}}

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose2.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Even Chris is bored with this sexist gabfest.]]
As Christian points out, the only real difference between Amy and Rosechu in terms of characterization is that while Amy's crush on Sonic is not reciprocated, Sonichu has been sucking face with Rosechu since the [[Sonichu 0|day they met]]. Obviously, this hardly marks a difference in their ''personality''. If anything, it says more about the differences between Sonic and Sonichu, since they respond differently to affection. Since she's already made her romantic conquest, Rosechu is free to pursue the life of a "modern girl", which apparently means [[Sonichu 8|face-raping people]] and producing [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|amateur pornography]].

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Sheesh, they even think the same words.]]
As an epilogue to the Sonichu/Sonic team-up in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], Rosechu happens to meet Amy in [[CWCville Mall]]. With no hint of irony, the two remark upon how similar they are, and engage in a [[Women's Rights|vapid conversation about shopping and relationships]].

== Shadow the Hedgehog ==

Introduced in 2001's "Sonic Adventure 2", '''Shadow the Hedgehog''' is an anti-hero version of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. Quickly becoming a fan-favorite among the Sonic family of characters, it was only a matter of time before [[Chris]] decided to "create" another [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]]...

Unlike [[Rosechu]], who is virtually identical to [[Amy Rose]] in every relevant respect, Black Sonichu only resembles Shadow in his color scheme and tenuous allegiance to the forces of evil. While Shadow is primarily motivated by his desire to learn about his mysterious past, Black Sonichu was informed of every aspect of his creation by [[Naitsirhc]]. Most notably, while Shadow is supposed to be a dark and edgy character, Black Sonichu is basically just a punk, committing blatant mischief for very transparent motives.

While this might seem to make Black Sonichu halfway original, it really only means that he's a poor copy of [[Sonichu]] instead of a slightly less poor copy of Shadow. Blake's only real claim to individuality was that he acted like an asshole; since falling for [[Bubbles]] in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], he doesn't even have that going for him.

Shadow makes one appearance in the Sonichu canon when he shows up as a drummer for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] but is later replaced by Punchy.

==Comics==
[[File:Sth189.jpg|thumb|right|More than likely a bigger inspiration than the games series itself, this comic could potentially rival Sonichu in stupidity if it were not for the semi-competent artists Archie hires.]]

Like with the cartoons, Sonic had comic adaptations up the ass, but in an even more bloated sense, as each comic series was specific to the region of the world they were released in. Japan got a series of crazy manga involving Sonic being some sort of alter-ego of a picked on misunderstood nerd ([[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Bizarre coincidence?]]), Europe got a clichéd comic series published by Fleetway (the same company that once published ''2000 A.D.'') that appealed to the gaming demographic of the [[1990s]], that was more or less the glorified [[SEGA]] advertisement for the continent, and the U.S. got a comic book series based on the Saturday morning cartoon ''Sonic SATam''. Despite the video game franchise more or less crashing and burning, the comic series is still alive and running to this day, although it's unclear if that's due to popularity or just a small, dedicated fan basis of creepy furries and SEGA's endorsement to squeeze every penny they can from this dying franchise.

Chris has hinted at and mentioned that he is familiar with this comic series, and the layout of his comics tends to replicate the style of early Archie Sonic covers. Reldnahc's calling Chris "Prime-Chan" in the comic may be a reference to the character [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_comic_book_characters#Evil_Sonic.2FScourge_the_Hedgehog|Scourge the Hedgehog]], an evil version of Sonic from another dimension; Sonic is referred to as "Sonic Prime" when dealing with inter-dimensional storylines. Chris has also been known to trace images from an early special of the comic "Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles" for the basis of some of his fight scenes. Whether he still reads the comics now or not is unknown, but it is probable that he does. He has stated that he would like ''Sonichu'' to be published by Archie Comics.<ref>[[IRC (22 December 2008)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat 6]]</ref> If Chris still reads it, it will probably be a source of plagiarism and mass-debating for years to come.

Starting in [[April 2010]], [[Sony]] began releasing the Archie Sonic comics for download via the [[Playstation Network]].<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/22/playstation-comics-store-update-17/ PlayStation Comics Store Update]</ref> The likelihood that Chris has purchased them? [[Chris and money|Close to 100%]].

==Sega's response==

[[Image:Sega's Reponse.png|thumb|Sega's reaction to the discovery of Sonichu]]

After being scarred by the shitty drawn comic by Christian Weston Chandler one fan finally decided to let Sega in on Sonichu. It's currently unknown on what Sega will do about Chris.

==Plagiarism==

Sonic the Hedgehog is a point of inspiration for many asspies, and like many of his kind, Chris unashamedly steals from all of its various canons. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is obviously a recolored Sonic the Hedgehog, but even more obvious is [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]], who somehow manages to be less original than Chris's flagship character.

{{incomplete}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|Chris drew this in between ages 8 and 28.
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|He's a street smart cop with twenty years on the force! He's a rookie straight out of academy! Together, they fight crime!
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Because we all like to see our favorite heroes crossover one day! [[Sonichu 1|Oh wait!]]
Image:0065-Sonic.jpg|Sonic looking an awful lot like Christian.
Image:326-SonicJamCard.jpg|...I thought the answer was "Aim for the [[Sonichu 4|sourdough region]]"?
Image:327-SonicJamCardBck.jpg
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|0-0 [http://www.geekologie.com/2009/12/um_yeah_maybe_get_somebody_els.php Geekologie Reader] does not approve of Chris's artwork.
Image:447-CWCSonicPlate.JPG|Sonic the Blowfish.
Image:468-SonicCup.JPG|Chris makes his own [[Jimmy Hill|unlicensed Sonic merchandise]].
Image:469-SonicCupSide.JPG|Hello, lawsuit.
Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|Chris was so excited, he produced [[dirty, crapped briefs]].
Image:0077-SonicDoll.jpg|Chris still has this doll and it has seen [[For Julie's Eyes Only|horrible things]].
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Doctor Robotnik]]

==Sauces/notes==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (character)|Sonic the Hedgehog]] on [[Wikipedia]]
*[http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/4762-adventures-of-sonic-the-hedgehog Nostalgia Critic's review of both cartoons]
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Stubs|Sonic the Hedgehog]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Sonichu 1

2010-11-14T19:47:15Z

Brown kitty: /* Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!" */

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of [[Sonic]]'s shadow... which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy [[Ivo Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Talk:Random-access humor

2010-11-10T22:33:09Z

Brown kitty:

This got me thinking.... if he's still an Adult Swim watcher, what do you think Chrissy thinks of Xavier : Renegade Angel? That entire show is based on the completely inaccurate "random = funny" formula. It's basically what would happen if Katy and Chris made a tv show, minus the blatant self promotion and Katy getting mercilessly tard raped.[[User:William Maize|William Maize]] 21:54, 16 March 2009 (CET)
*The problem with this comparison is that Xavier: Renegade Angel doesn't make constant references to other media. It's random, but it's more uncomfortably-weird random, like a David Lynch movie with a fiftieth of the budget. Chris-chan's lolrandum humor is staid and predictable, whereas Xavier is more like drinking a lot of cough syrup and watching Aphex Twin videos. [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 11:40, 16 June 2009 (CEST)

Someone photoshop an image related to this and this could be Featured Article potential stuff. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:00, 18 March 2009 (CET)
*Hmm, now that I think about it, I just need to find a good case of Chris's "humor" from the comics. Problem is, it's hard to tell when he's intentionally being funny or when it's unintentional. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:24, 19 March 2009 (CET)

Instead of a photoshop picture, if someone could get a picture of Wild saying "Snergen Flergen", that'd be good, because apparently that's Swedish for "Random access humor." --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:34, 23 May 2009 (CEST)

* Photoshop + Snergen Flergen! ... the "CWC Star" from the scrapbook looked waaay too much like the Advice _____ meme for me to resist. The colors are even in the right order if you rotate it. [[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 21:29, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

==A Side Project==
Try and find the sources of these quotes, when possible. That is, find out what's original and what he's ripped out. Apparently, the Carrot quote is from an episode of Ed, Edd, and Eddy but I can't find the original episode it appeared in (it's only quoted in some forum .sigs and by some fanfic fags). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:24, 19 March 2009 (CET)

==eh hehehehe heee==
It's probably the robitussin but this page is hilarious to me. To do: watch more CWC under the influence of everything. [[User:Gzanon|Gzanon]] 07:08, 18 July 2009 (CEST)

==List of every instance of random access humor==
So, I think most of us have an idea what constitutes - childish rhymes, pop culture non sequiturs, etc. Would any of you feel that the task of trying to catalog every instance of random-access humor in the comics be unfeasible? Because I think we could reasonably catalog every instance. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:28, 21 September 2009 (CEST)
*There's nothing that'd prevent us from making one, but it'd take up a ridiculous amount of page space. It might be worth making it its own page, separate from this article like say 'List of Chris's Attempts at Humor'. The worst part would be it wouldn't even be covering the humour Chris uses in his videos! Maybe we should just have a page that covers every one of Chris's failed attempts at humor and simply have a sub-section for IRL humor (Ladies, all hands on me!) and a sub-section for the comics. [[User:SirCucumber|SirCucumber]] 15:15, 21 September 2009 (CEST)

==Error or irony?==
"Each Brain in every person in the world is a computer, complete with an InfiniteGB RAM...Emphasis on Random, and our [[Christian Weston Chandler|Autistic Hero]] is no exception."
Is the inanity of this excerpt meant to be ironic? It has nothing to do with what Chris calls "random access humor". The "random" in RAM refers to the fact that a randomly ordered access of N bytes in the memory module will not be faster than choosing the same number of bytes in a nonrandom manner. To illustrate, pages of a book are sequential access, but a book with each page tabbed is random access.
--[[User:Theld|Theld]] 20:21, 21 September 2009 (CEST)
:Chris doesn't know what "random-access" actually means, he just has a boner for randomness. At times I think Chris's obsession with randomness (that's really quite predictable) deserves greater examination in light of his autism and (lack of) storytelling skills. For instance: Chris's "Random Access Humor," as observed, all comes from existing media; ComiChris could return "at any random time or place" even though it's obvious he'll pop out just when the plot needs him. Autistics have a propensity for order, and it shows in that his "randomness" is really quite predictable. Perhaps his fondness for "Random" humor stems from his difficulty with/inability to pick up all but the most blatant pop culture references when it comes to humor; because he doesn't make the connections that most people make when it comes to comedy, subtlety and the like are wholly above him. [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 21:54, 21 September 2009 (CEST)
:*I swear he ripped that one off of Dexter's Labratory. The one where they parody Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 12:18, 16 October 2009 (CEST)

== The horrible James Joyce ==

I've noticed similarities between Joyce's writing style and Chris' random-access humor. For starters, they work a lot from stream-of-consciousness techniques. Second, they both steal phrases from other sources. Third, both were social outcasts.
:Both have shown a fondness for bangin' tits, but I highly doubt that Chris will ever find a lover as sick and depraved as he is, as Joyce did. Admittedly James Joyce was even more of a sick sombah than Chris, sexually at least. Chris doesn't ''seem'' to find fecal incontinence erotic as Joyce did, but it yet remains to be seen.... [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 00:50, 3 December 2009 (CET)

==Yellow is Mellow==
Alright, Champthom, I know you're the Mod here, and that you've been in quite a... Mod mood lately, but I still insist on keeping this reference. Reasons:
# Although the rhyme is obscure nowadays, it's said to be more popular in the Jim Crow times. Bob could've known it alright. Remember, he was the man who taught Chris the racist joke about Obama painting the White House black? This could be the same situation. So, the first reason is: ''There is a completely plausible explanation where Chris could know this rhyme from''.
# What's so implausible about Chris knowing obscure things, anyway? He's the guy who is a fan of "American Rabbit", for Slaweel's sake! So, the second reason: ''Chris is known for knowing and citing rather obscure things''.
# Google "yellow is mellow". It's used tons of times. Where did all those people get this phrase? My guess is: from that old rhyme. '''I may be wrong. The source for this phrase may be somewhere else.''' But if you delete this reference, it would look like Chris invented the phrase which is '''wrong''' in any case. So, the third and final reason: ''The poem may not be the ultimate original source for the phrase "Yellow is mellow", but in any case, this phrase was not made by Chris.''
Sorry, if my wording was harsh somewhere. I didn't mean it. It's just business, nothing personal. I know you're doing a marvelous job moderating and editing CWCki and I appreciate it. But still, I felt the need to disagree with your opinion on this one. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 12:18, 26 December 2009 (CET) P.S.: I tried to change the tone to less "informal", and added notes about the unprovenness of this hypothesis,
:*Allow me to counter rebut your claims:
:# Just because it was popular during Jim Crow times doesn't automatically mean Bob would know it. It's like assuming everyone who was alive during the 60s was a fan of The Beatles or that everyone alive during the 70s would disco. Or it's like assuming that if you're black then you must like rap music. It's like, a sort of stereotyping.
:# What's implausible is that Chris can't get the National Anthem right yet he knows some obscure rhyme an insignificant segment of the population knows. Also, remember, Chris was raised on popular culture - his social norms come from a mix of vintage sitcoms, cartoons designed to hawk toys, and animated comedies. I think a handy rule of thumb is if that if you think Chris is actually familiar with something, ask yourself "Has Family Guy mentioned it?" If they have, then that's how Chris is familiar with it.
:# I googled "yellow is mellow" and most of the results were a result of Donovan's song "[[Wikipedia:Mellow Yellow|Mellow Yellow]]." There's also the soft drink "Mello Yello" (which I believe is sold in Virginia, as it's a Southern sort of drink). And there's the rhyme "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." In other words, there's lots of possibilities where it came from and that are likelier than an obscure rhyme.
:Remember, random access humor is random and often childish. Chris will sometimes "randomly" think of silly word plays that he thinks are absolute comedy gold (IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE "YELLOW" RHYMES WITH "MELLOW" ROFLMAO X 100000000). It's not very original but it's not like this is a uniquely Chris innovation. 

:People are proned to assume if Chris thinks of something, it must be ripped off. No, sometimes he gets original ideas but they tend to be not very original, not so much in a rip off sort of way but in a very bland anyone can think of that sort of way. Chris's sort of childish rhymes are things any five year old could think up of or just random words that sound funny. 

:I think it'd be interesting to discuss maybe here or maybe in "Chris and art" or somewhere this idea of cryptoamnesia or whatever it's called - apparently, there's some condition that explains why people might inadvertently plagiarize someone or something without realizing it. For example, George Harrison honestly never noticed that his song "My Sweet Song" sounded nearly identical to The Chiffon's "He's So Fine." Likewise, Helen Keller is notorious for an incident in which she won a poetry contest when she was 12 or something but it turns out she plagiarized an existing work yet she never realized it until after the fact. It's possible that when Chris thinks he's original, he's really just using existing material. 

:As a word of advice, if you're going to insert unsubstantiated claims, preface your sentence with "Some argue." --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:37, 26 December 2009 (CET)
::*Okay, I agree with most of your reasoning. While I didn't stereotype (I just said it was plausible that a racist person like Bob could have known this rhyme, which couldn't be so obscure in his time - remember, it was even quoted on Obama's inauguration), I agree that my hypothesis is just that - a hypothesis. A shaky one at that. And I see how the wording that I used could've confused some people. Also, your examples are probably as good guesses as mine. I added them to the reference, and tweaked the wording a bit to be more laconic. Okay... time to put this mess to rest, I think. I'm sorry I wasted your time and brainpower on that stupid dispute. There are more fun and interesting things on CWCki (and beyond, of course) to waste them on! :)

:::As for "cryptoamnesia" - hmm, that's an interesting theme. Looks like I even had it a few times myself. Although... well, if it's George Harrison's song, it's one thing, but when it's Chris... Call me jaded, but I somehow don't believe most Chris's claims nowadays. He's the kind of guy who often claims he created something to gain more fame (or to get china), while actually he just borrowed it. Like... well... [[Sonichu]], for example :) However, regardless, "cryptoamnesia" would be an interesting thing to discuss in an article (although, maybe "Copyright" would be more fitting than "Chris and art"?). Maybe it could be even made into a letter! --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 00:43, 27 December 2009 (CET)

===Why I removed it===
I think having something like "guessing" where Chris was inspired from is a bit like e-psychiatry - it's our opinions and not objective fact. It's very well possible that Chris could have noticed that "yellow" and "mellow" rhyme and thought it to be funny. Seriously, it's very well possible he independently discovered this - I mean, three economists managed to discover the theory of marginal value independently (Carl Menger, Leon Walras, and William Stanley Jevons all independently arouse to the concept of marginal utility within a few years time and John Bates Clark did so without realizing three guys already did it), why couldn't Chris notice two words rhyme and find it hilarious? It's very possible he heard this elsewhere. In any case, this is speculation and if that's the case, then the reader can try and decide for himself how Chris came about this without being steered into a possible explanation.

I guess we can ask Chris himself how he came to this but I'm guessing he'll say he "thought of it" but then again he probably says the same about the rest of these because they're RANDOM ACCESS.

Anyways, I was thinking of [[Wikipedia:Cryptomnesia|cryptomnesia]].--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:08, 28 December 2009 (CET)

Oh, and about "wasting my brainpower" and shit - sometimes I'm wrong too. Someone once pointed out on a talk page that there's no way Chris could have drawn that really shitty drawing of Sonichu at age 5 because Sonichu didn't come out until Chris was 9. Or how Rachmann believes that some Love Quest item was actually a pamphlet Chris might have made a mock up of. Point is, it's perfectly fine to discuss stuff, but I recommend starting small on the talk page if you have a long, drawn out argument like you did or something that is not-obvious (I recall having a disagreement with Llort over him assuming that "ANOZ AMULP..." was from Space Ghost Coast to Coast - turns out Chris watches ANYTHING on Adult Swim and I should have known better). You could be right but you could be wrong as well. It's alright to discuss that sort of thing on the talk page, as it could clarify content on the page. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:27, 28 December 2009 (CET)

==Missing CWCipedia source==
That first source from DaraiaCamacho's userpage on the cwcipedia no longer exists. Is there a backup to to the site? [[User:Brown kitty|Brown kitty]] 14:33, 10 November 2010 (PST)

Talk:Random-access humor

2010-11-10T22:32:59Z

Brown kitty:

Random-access humor

2010-11-10T22:27:31Z

Brown kitty:

: '''random access''' ''n.''
:: 1. ''(computing)'' type of storage access where arbitrary data can be accessed, as opposed to sequential access (q.v.). ''See also'' random access memory.
::''adj.''
:: 2. ''(CWCism)'' non-sequiturial; lacking any coherence.
: '''humor''' ''n.''
:: 1. Something funny.
:: 2. ''(CWCism)'' Something not funny, but which can be made funny when accessed randomly (q.v.). ''See'' random access.
[[Image:Wild_Snergen_Flergen.jpg|thumb|Wild Sonichu offers some uproarious Random Access Humor]]
'''Random-access humor''' is [[Chris]]'s terminology for his tendency to blurt out whatever random thought enters his mind, regardless of its relevance to a given situation. Normal human beings might describe this as "[[Wikipedia:Non sequitur|non sequitur]]." The "humor" part of the phrase stems from Christian's assumption that if he says something completely irrelevant and random that it is automatically funny, which is a common fallacy among nerds and retards. At this moment, the strongest portrayal of Chris's random-access humor can be found in his [[CWCFlyingElephants]] video.

Ironically enough, Chris's random-access humor is often unoriginal. Jokes are mostly taken from [[Adult Swim]] shows, ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'', ''[[Family Guy]]'', or even shows like [[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd 'n Eddy|''Ed, Edd n Eddy'']] and [[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|''Samurai Pizza Cats'']], making them completely out of context. This shows that, even when Chris doesn't have to make any sense, he still has a hard time coming up with original material. When Chris ''is'' original, it's mostly in the form of childish rhymes or making word-plays. This is due to Chris being a [[Autism papers|"somewhat concrete"]] thinker, having a tough time understanding abstract concepts (including humor). Because of his linear thinking, he has the tendency to take jokes literally (e.g. Bob told Chris a joke about Obama painting the White House black if he won the 2008 election).

The randomosity is also questionable in that the allegedly random jokes are also frequently repeated; Chris keeps ''re-telling'' the same jokes that weren't funny in the first try. (For example, if you are a confused foreigner who has no idea what "Nantucket" is, ''you will Google it soon.'') Chris has specifically stated he actually fears things that are beyond his control,<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:DariaCamacho User talk:DariaCamacho]</ref> a fear which falls nicely in line with [[autism]].

Chris also uses the term "random-access memory", which is basically when he says something completely random without the intent of being funny. He tends to use these when a conversation is not going in a direction he wants it to and hopes that interjecting this other thought-line will briefly distract him from seeing what a failure he is.

{{quote|Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though, most of the time, I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.|Chris during the [[Father Call]], showing off his mad computer science and neuroscience skills}}

==Random ramblings==

In November [[2007]], in a misguided attempt to help [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] to get to know him better and stop trolling him, Christian added the following to his ED page:

<blockquote>
----

Each Brain in every person in the world is a computer, complete with an InfiniteGB RAM...Emphasis on Random, and our [[Christian Weston Chandler|Autistic Hero]] is no exception. Here are some of his ramblings that can make him comparable to the TV-Talking-styles of those retarded robots, the [[Transformers Generation 1|Junkeons]]...

{{quote| -"Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?"<ref>Originally said by Ed; originated from Ed Edd n Eddy episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/one-plus-one-equals-ed/episode/117706/summary.html "One Plus One Equals Ed"]</ref>
 -"[[Autism_papers#MENTAL_STATUS_EXAM:|Uncle Spunky is a Funky Monkey]]."
 -"[[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]."
 -"All aboard, here we go, let's go...somewhere else."
 -"[[CWCFlyingElephants|I once knew a man from Nantucket, and he had on his head a silly bucket.]]"
 -"I'm gonna call my lawer, his name is Tom Seywer, he has a daughter named Sue, who has been visiting her Uncle Sam for many years. Poor Tom."
 -"I knew a nose from the Pocanose, but then he ran away to Snotsvillvania."
 -"Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED."<ref>From the US-dubbed version of Samurai Pizza Cats. Emperor Fred only said his name because he had "had his wisdom teeth removed."</ref>
 -"[[BILLY MAYS|Call 'Right Now']], and we'll send you a beautiful girl to be your [[Sweetheart]], FREE. But you'd better call 'Right Now', or otherwise you'll get bupkis. And believe me, you do not want bupkis. Welcome to Bupkistown."
 -"Welcome to the Novelty Shop, this is [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], how can I help you?...Okay, we can do that."
 -"Well get out of here. What are you waiting on? I'm gonna chase you outta here."<ref>Originally said by Meatwad; originated from ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' episode [http://athf.frostillusions.net/transcripts/oldrippy.html "Ol' Drippy"]</ref>
 -"[[Flipnote Hatena|You've got a Hippo on your head.]]"
 -"[[Transformers]]. Robots on your head. Okay."
 -"I'm upside-down in a car, drivin' my way to the grocery store."<ref name="brak"> From [[Adult Swim|''The Brak Show'']] episode [http://members.fortunecity.com/brakshow/newbrak.html "The New Brak"] </ref>
 -"I have bow-ties on my feet, I must be walking with my neck."<ref name="brak"/>
 -"Root-de-do-de-do. Stop saying 'Root-de-do-de-do,' that's my bit, get your own. Oh, okay, how about 'Spling-ling, bling-ling, splee-de-de-le-deee?'"<ref name="brak"/>
 -"What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they need a dentist. <ref>''Sealab 2021'' episode "Legend of Baggy Pants" (Pod Six was another pod that was part of the lab. Captain Murphy referred to them as "[[JERKS|jerks]]")</ref>"
 -"Is this [[Wes Iseli|Walter Grisby]]? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what?"

|Chris-Chan|}}

I Watch TOO MUCH FUCKING TELEVISION!!!
----

</blockquote>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Punchy]] - A fighting electric hedgehog Pokémon who is explicitly stated to be the master of RAH, although, so far, he hasn't shown it.
*[[Monty Python]] - Actual masters of RAH, whom Chris unsuccessfully tried to emulate.
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]]
*[[I Got A Fish]]
*[[Bunny Hop]]
*[[Yellow is a Mellow Color]]
*[[Christian's Sex Joke]] - A staple of Chris's repertoire.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

User:Brown kitty

2010-10-03T18:20:30Z

Brown kitty:

{{#ev:youtube|F_6sYjiCdEI}}
^ ^

User:Brown kitty

2010-10-03T18:16:21Z

Brown kitty:

{{#ev:youtube|v=F_6sYjiCdEI}}
^ ^

User:Brown kitty

2010-10-03T18:13:40Z

Brown kitty: Replaced content with " ^ ^"

^ ^

User:Brown kitty

2010-10-03T18:13:23Z

Brown kitty:

User:Brown kitty

2010-10-03T18:11:36Z

Brown kitty: Blanked the page

Chris and writing

2010-10-01T03:35:44Z

Brown kitty: /* Chris as a blogger */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''

Chris's writing shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses from the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Sometimes Chris would interrupt an action scene to introduce something that is [[Sonichu Balls|completely irrelevant]] to its [[jerkop|context]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref>. Its overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. He regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience.

=== Exposition ===
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks. (The worst offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref>, *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.) Apparently even he knows that his shit art is too unclear to convey an idea properly without an additional description.

[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]

=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''

Chris's characters as they are written are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. His main response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective. [[Sandy|Including]] [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|children]].

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating in exposition something akin to "it just happened." With [[Blake]], who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he "flips." His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] and an equally sudden mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. No reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''.

===Dialogue===
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialog alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his [[Autism|total ineptitude with emotions]].

=== Plot and Drama ===
Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affect his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest.

Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even ''shorter'' and ''less-climactic'' for the sake of emphasis.

Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A preview for a next issue tersely concludes the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to dismantling tension is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point ''in his own comic''.

As you might guess, on top of everything else this makes the storyline for Sonichu '''unspeakably boring.'''

The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. As soon as Chris becomes uninterested in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed off-panel so that Chris can proceed to his newest internet girlf... ahem, plotline of interest. Other narrative threads (such as [[Meg-chan]], [[Blanca]] or [[Jiggliami]]) can be forgotten and abandoned entirely with, if the reader is lucky, a sentence or two tying up the loose end.

When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the Time Void subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris ''almost'' removes himself for ''almost'' two issues, and when it ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.

=== Visual clarity ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appears to be [[Chris and Religion|Father Christmas and Chris with a beard.]]]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]

Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his comics clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for romantic. He tends to incorporate rhyme for its own sake, often to the detriment of the song or poem's message. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].

He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with odd terms (''Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?'')<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>. Sometimes, the attempts at rhyming aren't even good (''Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity.'')<ref>[[Saddest Heart in the World]]</ref>.

Not even the Bard is safe from Chris's fail. In [[Sub-Episode 3]] A famous line from ''[[wikipedia:Macbeth|Macbeth]]'' has a couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_20 Issue 4 Page 20]</ref>, while [[Bubbles]] mutilates a line from the ''[[Wikipedia:The Tempest|The Tempest]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_95 Issue 8 Page 95] (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")</ref>. Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

''[[Nintendo Power]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[Honesty|honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact. Here it would seem that Chris is unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience disapproval of peers that concerned him as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'', which presumes that his person and daily life are of inherent reader interest.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his ''News Dash'' mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format. Instead, Chris stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting an erratic and bizarre page layout.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]]
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Fail|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!| Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' and ''Fear Street'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven false when he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'', another high school assignment. He has also read ''[[Wikipedia:The Giver|The Giver]]''.<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sauces ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Speech impediment

2010-09-30T21:24:05Z

Brown kitty: /* Symptoms */

[[Chris]] has an unusual manner of speaking, between his strong [[Ruckersville,_VA|regional dialect]] and what appear to be genuine impairments.

==History==
Chris's speech impediment appears to have worsened over time. He spoke clearly and normally in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch %26 Win Sweepstakes|earlier]] videos, while his stuttering and other difficulties have increased significantly since then.

Likely causes include troll-induced [[stress]] and a lack of conversational company not already accustomed to Chris's speaking tendencies.

Chris's problems in verbal communication potentially stem from either the extended period of "muteness" he went through during his childhood (supposedly as a consequence of his treatment by the [[abusive babysitter]]) or his [[autism]], a disorder which often results in speech difficulties. Chris's written communication generally tends to be significantly more coherent and grammatically correct than how he speaks. While writing, he has more time and freedom to determine what he says.

==Non-Symptoms==
Slang such as "Y'all," and "'em," and contracting the "g" of words ending in "-ing" is typical in dialects of the southeastern United States, Chris's native region.

Chris sometimes mispronounces names (such as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]) due to his ignorance of their proper pronunciation rather than impairments in speaking ability.

==Symptoms==
Chris's diction is naturally staggered, interspersed with pauses, deep breaths, "um," "uh," and "hm." The pauses and deep breaths, used in speech therapy, suggest that Chris has had his speech impediment professionally treated at some point. Chris's protracted style of speaking seems to make it easier for him to lose his thought, stray off topic, or forget to include certain segments of his thoughts. However, in the [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] he has made, his speech is surprisingly fluent, with no "ums" or "uhs" This fluency is probably because he is being timed to do it, so there's little time to stop.

Chris also has a strong tendency to stutter. Although not the type of "machine-gun" stutter largely associated with the problem, Chris constantly has to repeat whole phrases, and he stumbles over certain phrases as he finds the correct words to best convey his ideas. This also could be because Chris finds the need to correct himself, and finds repetition to be the optimal way to deal with this. Ofte- usually this resu- this resu- thi- th- this ends up in Chris having to rei- repe- this ends up in Chris having to shuffle through many synonyms just to express a brief statement.

During the conversation with [[Kacey]]'s dad, Chris claimed to pause before speaking in order to "spellcheck" what he is saying. This implies that Chris needs to consciously plan what he is going to say or else he is unable to say it; this suggests that Chris's difficulty with speech stems from poor contact between the speech centers of his brain and his cerebellum, a common characteristic of [[autism]]. Ironically, Chris clearly [[Chris and Writing|doesn't spellcheck his ''written'' work.]]

Like small children, Chris has a tendency to speak too quickly, run words into one another, and slur words. For example, Chris's pronunciation of "[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Ensykapeia Dramakka paysh]]".

Chris sometimes mixes up the pieces of multiple word phrases, resulting in [[wikipedia:spoonerism|statements]] like "rell-wested." <ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>

Chris has difficulty pronouncing the letter "X" (/ks/ or /gz/), as well as related consonantal digraphs (/sk/, /st/), pronouncing it either as an "/s/" sound (elision) or as a "/t͡s/" sound (fronting). In addition, he pronounces the voiced "th" sound (/ð/) as "d", even when it's not deliberate (as in "da" standing in for "the"). This indicates trouble with consonants, known as [[wikipedia:Speech-Language_Pathology_in_School_Settings#Articulation_disorders|articulation disorders]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See Also==
*[[Chris and English]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Fridays After Five

2010-06-19T03:47:21Z

Brown kitty: /* 18 June 2010 */

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|You know he's straight because his bra says so.]]
Fridays After Five is a large block party/concert that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. [[Chris]] was recently videotaped there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

==18 June 2010==

[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris trying to pick up using his [[Pedofork|skills]]. Picture edited to protect the innocent.]]
Chris went to one of these events and a good samaritan took these videos and pictures of him out in public. According to the man who took these photos, he says Chris wore a shirt that says "I Enjoy Vagina" and was wearing a "gay circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[PokeWalker of Fail|Pokewalker]].

At some point Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write "Want Woman" on with permanent marker. It's unlikely Chris was aware he was being photographed, which makes the weird posing seen in many of the pictures even weirder.

==Videos==

{{collapsible
|The videos of the Chrissus Chandlerius in a public place, a rare sight.
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 100_0690.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tbU7ao0i-Ew}}
| Stardate = 19 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 100_0691.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dDlJ-ZY5Opk}}
| Stardate = 19 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 100_0692.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vdibt4Ll2gs}}
| Stardate = 19 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}
==Sauces==
[http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 Watch it on Youtube]

[http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download it]

User:Brown kitty

2010-06-09T09:16:55Z

Brown kitty:

hello you are all gay and beneath me

Talk:04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless

2010-04-23T09:53:52Z

Brown kitty:

I'm unfamiliar with the template and general style for describing videos, but just a heads up that I'm trying my hand at transcribing this monstrosity now since I have too much free time these days. Here goes nothing. [[User:Hurrrr2|Hurrrr2]] 05:24, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
* I'll give it a shot too. You do the first half, I do the second half? [[User:Brofose|Brofose]] 05:31, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
* Sure, give me a timestamp to stop working at. [[User:Hurrrr2|Hurrrr2]] 05:39, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
** I just did 7:35 to the ending, I'll start work at 6:00-7:35 now. [[User:Brofose|Brofose]] 05:47, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
* Why transcribe when you can just cut and paste from Wikipedia? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:43, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
* Because MY AUTISM makes me insist on capturing all of Chris's little inaccuracies and deviations from his script. Transcript up, can somebody please put some links into his speech? There's much to work with here since Chris's life, as we all know, is pretty much a checklist for everything wrong that a person with autism can do in any given situation, social or otherwise.[[User:Hurrrr2|Hurrrr2]] 06:32, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

I have this one downloaded, just incase. [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 05:26, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

{{Not A Forum}}

YAAAAH! I hate the fact that YouTube picks a certain spot for a video. Nothing more ''thrilling'' than clicking a link and seeing Chris in his BRA!--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:31, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

==New Shirt Icon==
Okay, my freak out into a "Not a Forum" template appearance notwithstanding, you think we should add in his sports bra as an icon? I mean, seriously, he's worn it in, what, two, three videos now? If the "Mount And Do Her" shirt got one, I think the bra should too. I'd make the icon, but I suck at graphics.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 06:30, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Talk:04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless

2010-04-23T09:53:01Z

Brown kitty:

User:Brown kitty

2010-04-03T07:29:48Z

Brown kitty:

hello you are all gay and beneath me

( > eue ) > < ( o///o < )

User:Brown kitty

2010-04-03T07:29:36Z

Brown kitty:

hello you are all gay and beneath me

( > e u e ) > < ( o///o < )

User:Brown kitty

2010-03-03T06:04:20Z

Brown kitty: Created page with 'hello you are all gay and beneath me'

hello you are all gay and beneath me

Talk:02 March 2010

2010-03-03T06:03:53Z

Brown kitty:

Note the kawaii animu poster that comes into view while he's trying to hang the medallion. Also, that seemed like a hell of a half-assed apology. -[[User:Ezra Mason|Ezra Mason]] 05:51, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
* All of Chris's apologies are [[Chris and remorse|half-assed]]. Also, I learned today that Chris owns at least one CD that I do. That makes me sad. -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 05:56, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Ok, that sonichu plush thing is kawaii I want one [[User:Brown kitty|Brown kitty]] 06:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg

2010-01-04T05:17:10Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg"

The Barack Obama gag from Sonichu #8. Read from down to up.

[[Category: Art from Sonichu 8]]

File:Obama.jpg

2010-01-04T05:16:49Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:Obama.jpg"

It's Obama...
That's all.

File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg

2010-01-04T04:45:31Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg"

[[Category: Scrapbook images]]

File:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg

2010-01-04T04:45:11Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg"

Cropped from [[:Image:411-CWCWeekP5.jpg]].

File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg

2010-01-04T04:44:26Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg"

[[Category: DVD slideshow images]]

File:043-CWCsFavHitsIn.jpg

2010-01-04T04:43:39Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:043-CWCsFavHitsIn.jpg"

[[Category: Scrapbook images]]

File:0481-CWC18th12.jpg

2010-01-04T04:42:55Z

Brown kitty: uploaded "File:0481-CWC18th12.jpg"

[[Category: DVD slideshow images]]