CWCki - User contributions [en]

Template:Jesus Counter

2022-08-06T13:44:41Z

Burmy: Chris says "I AM Jesus" in their latest jail letter.

{| style="margin:0 auto 8px; max-width:25rem;"
|- style="vertical-align:top; text-align:center"
| ''It has been'' [[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022|

<div style="font-size:2em">{{counter|big=yes|2022-07-29}}</div>]] ''days since Chris last claimed to be [[GodJesus|Jesus Christ]].''
|}

Chris and sex

2021-07-30T15:16:59Z

Burmy: /* Dreams of sex with Barb */

{{Dated}}
{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, [[Borb|a sheltered upbringing]], and the [[Autism|twisted, disjointed]] [[Chris and reality|worldview]] he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he [[Things Chris has ripped off|stole]] from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
===The Bible===
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

===Sexism===
[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian [[For Julie's Eyes Only|professing his love]] for "[[BlueSpike|Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the [[JERKS|men]] in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological in nature (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex), or a combination thereof.

In 2018 the 2018 [[All Star]] video, Chris is seen tugging his [[duck]] along to the song. He remains flaccid the entire time; his inability to get an erection is possibly a side effect of [[Transgender|HRT]]. If this is true, Chris will certainly not be getting any hanky-panky in the future.

During his time losing his virginity to a [[Mia Hamm| prostitute]] its worth noting that he first received a blowjob, than demanded cowgirl before possible missionary later; [[Obesity| but luckily for her]] he couldn't last very long and finished just after she rid him for a bit; this is important as it points to 2 big problems with Chris; first his lack of self control due to him [[Navy| finishing]] so quickly, second is that he ordered possibly the laziest sex position in the book, with Mia doing pretty much all of the physical exercise with Chris being a lazy fuck.

==Homosexuality==
{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20161007175309/http://archive.sonichu.com:80/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
{{Wise|he is a furry.}}

{{quote|I am half-Sonichu and half-Pokemon, thus making me a "furry".|Chris, May 2018, during the aftermath of the [[Idea Guys]] saga.<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/997320832040005634</ref>}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry was, for a long time, debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it was confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris was actually prejudiced against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], in May 2018, Chris went back on another of his long-held beliefs. Becoming another of the things he used to loathe, Chris dubbed himself a furry.<ref>[[May_2018_social_media_posts#Michael_Hirtes_BTFO]]</ref> The Idea Guys also [[brainwashed]] him into believing he is in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with furry [[imaginary friends]] such as [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Cryzel]], and Chris believes he has had sexual relations with these imaginary friends.<ref>[[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts]]</ref>

While Chris may loosely qualify as a furry via his obsession with anthropomorphic [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], he has not participated in the furry community itself.

{{-}}

==Prostitution==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris's leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that [[Mia Hamm|the girl]] was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210206132219/https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

In [[June 2016]], Chris himself made [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|another attempt]] to enter the prostitution business, now as a [[Tomgirl|trans woman]], going by the name "Stephanie Bustcakes". Predictably, Chris was unable to find any "women of any orientation" who were interested in paying him $100 to have sex either "one way or the lesbian way", and the Stephanie Bustcakes persona has not yet reappeared.

[[File:ChrisChanSexForMoney.png|thumb|200px]]
On 24 April 2018, while under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], who had allegedly been extorting him out of thousands of dollars, Chris announced:<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts#Will provide house tour and suck dicks for money]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Anyone living locally to me in Virginia, or visiting in Charlottesville, I’ll give y’all BJs for money too. Serious.}}

A fan on Twitter messaged him about it. In their conversation, Chris said:<ref name=price>[[:File:NAME YOUR PRICE!!.jpeg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Consider me a beginner with experience blowing [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan|my loving boyfriend]], willing to learn and adapt further. $50 for that BJ from this celeb; if he wants butt sex, that will be $100. Cash only.}}

Chris told [[CWCProtectSquad]] member Tings Tingz that he was indeed serious about prostituting himself, had several offers, but had not taken on any customers. When asked if he would consider, Chris responded, "a little from Column 'A' and the latter from Column 'B'".<ref>[[:File:TingsTingz concern for the prostitution message.jpg]]</ref>

After the [[Guard Dogs]] rescued Chris from the Idea Guys' influence, he reversed course and disavowed the prostitution messages on 7 May 2018, saying he had been coerced.<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/993693423084318720</ref> He went further on 25 May, saying he had been forced to write such things, and implied the Idea Guys had been behind it.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Calling out the Idea Guys]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{Dated}}
{{Quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]].|Chris, 2016}}

[[File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|thumb|Chris having sex with his "son," Sonichu, in order to fulfill a prophecy to bring Crystal into the world.]]

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related (despite their type and appearance differences, they all come from [[homos|Sonic and the same male Pikachu]]-apart from that fact, they were all created by Chris and acknowledge him as such- Sonichu and Rosechu calling him father), but many of them are paired off with one-another (notably Sonichu/Rosechu, Bubbles/Blake, and Magi/Silvana- Simonla was technically made by someone else), banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]]. Chris's own comic children are a form of incest- as Chris impregnated himself with his navy. Chris shrugs off [[Autism|all medical/science facts]] and lists the two as perfectly healthy and Autism Free.

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship,<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> not realizing that incest is shown in a positive light in [[Chris and religion|the Bible]]. When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible,<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true.<ref> [https://web.archive.org/web/20051223102404/http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]</ref>

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, the troll convinced Chris that [[Magi-Chan]] foretold of a prophecy in which [[Crystal]] would be born by Chris mating with Sonichu. He also informed Chris that if this was drawn, he wouldn't have to do it in real life. Chris complied<ref>https://archive.md/AL1PT</ref>. During the nonsensical [[Sonichu 13| issue 13]] of Sonichu incest is unsurprisingly everywhere, from [[Chris Chan Sonichu]] getting married to [[Magichan]] to Chris and Sonichu raping each other.

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest. He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever." Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s)." All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which raises the question of whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].

{{quotebox|I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

On 13 September 2019, while [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as Magi-Chan, Chris would describe Barb as a "guilty pleasure waifu."<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Barbara was more of a "guilty pleasure" waifu]]</ref>

===It's for real now===
On 30 July 2021, audio leaked of Chris admitting to having sex with Barb on June 27.<ref>[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urV7h_pT4kI Chris Chan Admits to having sex with his Mother]]</ref> This incident got "Chris Chan" trending on Twitter once again, with all the disgust you would expect, and with several declaring that Chris has officially hit rock bottom and that they're done following his life. How this will affect the Christorian community remains to be seen.

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. He also evidently see's no issue with rape by fraud (essentially having sex with someone while tricking them into believing you're somebody else, meaning they didn't consent with you) as seen with his comic book counterpart when he travels forwards in time to have sex with his future wife lovely weather in the guise of being his future self [[Tomgirl|(whom is definitely a different person in the future)]]. During the [[Kacey Calls]] he attempted unsuccessfully to lure her to his place in the guise of being [[Liquid Chris]], again seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also doesn't have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Tomgirl|female]] enough or [[Chris and his ego|attractive]] enough that [[Chris and reality|a man would want to rape him.]]

==Contraceptives==

{{quote|Confidentially, I wear a condom during the second half when I masturbate; I use Trojan or LIfestyles brand (Trojan mostly)

And I used condoms when I fooled with the [[Officer Nasty|L.D.s]] as well.|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 1]]}}

Condoms, or as Chris has called them "'''raincoats'''", are thin latex coverings worn over a man's penis for the purpose of birth control. However, Chris seemed to understand the condom as more of a symbol for promoting safe premarital sex rather than as a contraceptive. Aside from promoting safe sex and justifying premarital sex, Chris has also drawn his male Sonichu characters with condoms in order to censor their penises. Chris has stated that before his third date with [[Blanca]], he'd wear a condom for the first two times they've had sex, only to have non-protected sex by the third date, showing that he also believed that condoms serve more as some kind of gateway to pregnancy. Chris had a box of chocolate-flavored condoms that he purchased to be prepared for his first time. Chris had given a few different dates for when they expired; some time in 2010 <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Sex_Logs#Condoms</ref> and January 2013.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)</ref> Chris reportedly also wore a condom that was flavored like green apple while engaging in sex with Mia Hamm.<ref>[[July 2020 social media posts]]</ref>. Its not entirely clear whether the condom was entirely successful or not due to him mentioning that a "Smidge" of Navy had leaked out after their first round together, meaning he either kept them in his pocket far too long, the condom didn't fit entirely properly around his [[Duck]], he became flaccid way faster than he should have, or he's an idiot who mistook a smear of lube or vaginal discharge for semen. For those wondering however, it's probably safe to assume [[Mia Hamm]] won't be harboring [[Crystal]] any time soon; even by some non-existent chance he managed to get her pregnant, she would have likely been on the pill anyway.

==See also==
*[[China]]
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Chris and sexuality]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Christmas

2016-08-23T14:47:24Z

Burmy: /* Video */

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:MerryCWCmas.jpg|right|thumb|Merry C-Mas to all the [[troll]]s, [[JERKS]], [[homos]], [[niggos]] and [[jerkop]]s out there!]]
[[File:SonichuChristmas.jpg|right|thumb|Every Christmas is a Sonichu Christmas.]]
'''Christmas''', or as [[Chris]] sometimes [[CWC-isms|calls it]], '''C-Mas''',<ref>[[Sonichu's News Dash]]</ref> is one of our hero's favorite of all holidays. He always celebrates it at [[14 Branchland Court|home]] with his family, and often mentions it in his comics and videos.

==Christmas in the Chandler family==
[[Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|right|thumb|Bob and lil' Chris remembering Jesus.]]
{{quote|We celebrate like normal; a decorated tree, get-together, remembering [[Jesus]] and all.|ChrisChanSonichu, [[Mailbag 2#Holidays with the Chandlers|Mailbag #2]].}}

Despite Chris's insistence that Christmas is a time for family, his atheist half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] does not take part in the traditional Chandler family celebrations, instead staying with his wife's family in California.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

As evidenced by videos like [[100 2281]] and [[Tour of Chris's House]], the Chandlers keep a Christmas tree and decorations in their [[kitchen]] year-round because they are too lazy to change it.

[[File:CWCmasStockings.jpg|right|thumb|The stockings were hung from the chimney with care.]]

{{Incomplete}}

==Santa Claus'''''e''''' [sic]==
[[Image:ChrisSanta.jpg|right|thumb|Chris wishes he were as much of a man as Mr. "Clause" is.]]
{{quote|[2008-12-15 07::03:20] EXKeine: Christmas is coming up, so... do you believe in Santa Claus? [2008-12-15 07::03:40] ChrisChanSonichu: yep.|Chris on Santa Clause [sic], [[IRC (15 December 2008)]].}}
{{quote|It’s been over a week since my [[PVCC|SUSPENSION]]; I am [[Stress|DEPRESSED]], [[Love Quest|LONELY]], SAD and BORED! I have [[Attraction Location|nowhere to go]] to attract a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free woman]]. I’ll be writing to Santa Clause [sic] this year, hoping that will bring me one. (8(|[[CWC's Diary]] for September 26, 2004, Chris acting like the 22-year-old grown-up man he is.}}
{{quote|Or for— since it's Christmas time, let's make like I'm Mister— yo' Misses Claus. I have a...good ole heat, 'cuz I took...a bit o'...[[Chris and sex|Viagra]]. Bam, ba-bam, bam, ho, ho-OH!|Chris RPing as The Man, [[iPods Down and Listen Up]].}}
{{quote|I did not say that I was taking Viagra; I was stating that in that role-play, Santa would be taking that.|Chris, [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag #20]], on Kris Kringle's erectile dysfunction.}}

"Santa Clause" [[Chris and English|[sic]]] (not to be confused with [[wikipedia:The Santa Clause|the Tim Allen movie that uses this spelling]]) is a legendary character associated with Christmas, whom many Western children believe in.

According to surveys, most of these same children stop believing in Santa around the age of four, often when they find out it was actually [[Bob Chandler|their father]] with a [[Rollin' and Trollin'|fake beard]]. However, Chris claims that he still believes in "Santa Clause" [sic], despite being 33. He even put Santa's name on his [[JERKS#The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate|List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate]], which may imply that he: a) believes "Santa Clause" [sic] is real, b) believes Santa is a manly male man capable of landing himself a girlfriend (see also the [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag quote]] above). Also worth of note is the fact that Chris chose to put Santa's name on the list before [[God]] and [[Jesus]]...because, come on, these two [[JERKS]] never brought him even the tiniest presents!

Of course, all this doesn't necessarily mean that Chris actually ''does'' believe in Santa. Chris probably maintains this line because he ''wants'' to believe it and maintain memories of the happy Christmases of his childhood. For Chris, who still plays with da [[Lego]]s, professing a belief in Santa is "cute" and shows that he is "young at heart", one of his favorite traits.

In a 2010 [[Jackie e-mails Part 1|e-mail exchange]] with a woman, Chris stated that he [[Honor roll|learned]] Santa wasn't real around age fifteen or sixteen, but finally "gave up on him" at 24 after he failed to bring him a girlfriend for the third year in a row.

==Presents Chris gives, wishes for, and receives==
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '95]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '96]]
{{quote|My father likes Brach's Maple Nut Goodies, and my mother likes chocolate, so some edible treats of that variety is [[Obesity|a good suggestion]].|[[Mailbag 6#For the man who has everything|Mailbag #6]], on what he planned to give his parents for Christmas, 2009.}}

==Christmas-related songs and merch==

Chris also got the name of his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]] from singing a 1950's Christmas song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, which actually [[Autism|says a lot about Chris]].

He also seems to have an affinity for the song "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]", as he raged like an idiot because the word [[homos|gay]] should only be used in context of "happy", as in the song.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

==Other confessions==
Being the totally sensitive and tolerant person he is, Chris in his ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Christmas special (the [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|text]] and [[Sonichu 11|comic]] versions) mentions the ways [[CWCville]] citizens of different faiths (that is, "Jewish folk", Buddhists, possibly [[Niggos|black people]], and "a few humbuggers") celebrate their own wacky versions of Christmas.

===Hanukkah/Chanukkah===
{{quote|Cera continues with a question, holding a cookie in a zip-loc bag, "I've invited Kevin too; do you think he'll like this candle-shaped cookie I made for him? He told me he was Jewish, and I thought it would be appropriate." Rosechu replies, "I think he'll love it. You have made it really special with the white frosting for the wax and the yellow for the flame. Uh, what kind of cookie was it again?" "Vanilla", replies Cera, "I felt it best to keep it neutral, in case he was allergic to the peanut butter or chocolate." "Very Smart," says Rosechu with a smile, exchanging a high-five with Cera.|''[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]'', Act I}}

"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Haunaka]]"/"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Chaunaka]]"/"[[Holiday Greetings|Konica]]"/"[[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|Chanukkah]]"/whatever, is a holiday [[CWCville]] "Jewish folk" celebrate while most other citizens celebrate Christmas. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" [sic] Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah, called a "Hanukkiah", has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. This is another small example of Chris's naivety as a cookie of any shape would have likely been appreciated. That Cerah couldn't choose a more obvious Hanukkah symbol (such as a Menorah or a dreidel) over a ''generic candle'' shows that Cerah has extremely poor knowledge of even the most basic of Jewish traditions known in the Gentile world.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating ''fried'' foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you - he just wanted to make sure that the cookie was hypoallergenic.

In [[IRC (22 December 2008)]] Chris listed "Haunaka" and "Chaunaka" as two different holidays, probably belonging to different religions. In his [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]], he does nearly the same thing, saying "happy Hanukkah, Chanukkah, all the other holidays to everybody of other religions".

===Jolly Buddah [sic]===

{{quote|Christmas Trees are abound most everywhere: in the homes of the townfolk, [[CWCville Mall|in the stores]], [[CWCville Mayoral Office|in the offices]], and the biggest one in the center of [[McIntire Park|CWC-Central Park]]. Some have Menorah Candles, or even a Jolly Buddah [sic].|[[Sonichu 11|A Sonichu Christmas]] (the comic version)}}
{{quote|All the churches are full with all the believers, be they Christians, Jewish folk, Buddhists, and such.|[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]] (the text version)}}

From what we know, Buddhism is one of the religions Chris tolerates, and so he sometimes mentions it as a display of his "religious sensitivity". However, he probably doesn't know jack shit about Buddhism, and assumes that since Buddhists are all "good-hearted believers", they undoubtedly should celebrate Christmas in some way! So, in [[CWCville]], Buddhists celebrate their Buddhist Christmas by going to their Buddhist churches on starting December 12, and having a "Jolly Buddah" instead of a Christmas Tree.

By coincidence, Christmas is actually a popular holiday in some primarily Buddhist countries (such as [[anime|Japan]]). However, it's rare for celebrators to give the time special religious significance specific to their religion. Similar to how Halloween is celebrated in America based solely on the customs with practically no emphasis on the religious practices that started the holiday, so too do many Buddhists enjoy Christmas just as an excuse to put up lights and give each other gifts.

===Kawanza [sic]===

Little is known of what Chris thinks about [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|"Kawanza"]] [sic] and the related rituals, except that he [[IRC (22 December 2008)|once]] congratulated his [[trolls]] with this holiday (among others), misspelling its name in the process.

===Other faiths===

Chris doesn't say (or care, probably), what Muslims, Orthodox Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Baha'is or Atheists do in CWCville on Christmas Day. Probably they're the "few humbuggers" whom Chris derides for not celebrating C-mas/Haunaka/Kawanza/whatever those wacky Buddhists celebrate.

==Notable Christmases in Chris's life==

===1989 or 1992===
[[Image:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|GodBear, directing his Chorus of AngelBears]]

On Christmas Day, 1992 (other sources claim it happened in [[1989]]), Chris got probably the most dumbfounding present in his whole life, and from [[Christopher's name change|GodBear]] himself, no less. While strolling with his father through the Regency Square Mall, Christopher, as he was called at the time, encountered a band of bears playing some Christmas songs. Chris talked to the conductor, and being half-deaf from the cacophonic music they played, the man operating the bear mistakenly named him "Christian".

From that point on, Chris insisted his name was Christian, not Christopher, and a few months later [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|got his name legally changed to "Christian"]].

===2003===
A comment made by Chris in a [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 2|video he shot on Christmas Day of 2004]] indicate that he met [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] on the Christmas Day of last year.

===[[2004]]===

{{quote|[[Stress sigh|[Chris sighs] ]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler — by the way, you can [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|call my Chris]] in public—and... thank you.|Emo Chris, [[So Need a Cute Girl]].}}
{{quote|I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to share my love, oh. I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to kiss under the mistletoe.|Chris, the poetic [[geinus]].}}

[[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|This Christmas]], Chris expected to get: a) a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] from "Santa Clause" [sic], b) an [[Chris and remorse|apology]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Not surprisingly, he didn't get either, and became [[Stress|depressed]]. He recorded [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004|a whiny video]] about [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]].

Earlier in December, he dedicated two different songs to the first of these two wishes: [[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]] (written on December 4) and [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]] (recorded on Christmas 20). The same day as the latter, Chris also recorded another song, the famous [[So Need a Cute Girl]], which was probably dedicated to the same thing.

If "Santa Clause" [sic] really exists, this proves that he's a major [[JERK]], or that he doesn't tie up girls and leave them under trees as gifts for horny manchildren.

====Video====
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ktQ9uBu2n2g}}
| stardate = 25 [[December 2004]]
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need A Cute Girl Music Video]]
| next = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 2}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ct_Gem8qvnE}}
| stardate = 25 [[December 2004]]
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 1
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]}}

===[[2005]]===
[[Image:0790-CMas05-5.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas 2k5]]
{{quote|Although I really don't mean to be cold but please don't try and advance kissing on me please. The truth is I don't want a boyfriend because I don't desire and idolize boys like other girls. I enjoy being indepentant. So you see what I mean? It's certainly nothing personal towards you. I'm just a girl who doesn't care about loving guys. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them though.|[[Megan]] on 20 December 2005, trying to be diplomatic with Chris.}}

Chris was probably [[stress]]ed as hell, because just a few days before his [[gal-pal]] and attempted [[sweetheart]] [[Megan Schroeder]] told him she doesn't like him [[Rape|trying to kiss her]], and that she [[Homo|doesn't want to have a boyfriend at all]]. Just to add insult to injury, "Santa Clause" [sic] brought him a shitty pirate ripoff instead of a genuine Lego set that year. No boyfriend-free girl under the tree this year either.

<center><gallery>
Image:077-StarOnTree.jpg
Image:078-StarFront.jpg
Image:079-StarBack.jpg
</gallery></center>

===[[2007]]===
[[Image:Fakeout-makeout2.jpg|right|thumb|Chris and Kimmi.]]

On December 26, Chris bought himself [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|a sex doll]] called [[Kimmi]], who would become a rival to his long-time [[Sex toys|artificial heartsweet]] [[Officer Nasty]], on [[Adamandeve.com]]. Probably because "Santa Clause" [sic] didn't bring him one this year, either.

To compliment the sex doll, Chris also bought a "Vintage XXX Cartoons DVD/CD", and received "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and "Playboy Magazine Digital Edition DVD/CD" for free. The fact that Chris specifically sought something as bizarre as vintage porn cartoons to [[mass debating|fap]] his crooked [[duck]] to, for some reason, sits fine with all the other weird aspects of his twisted personality.

However, being unsatisfied with fantasizing about naked women drawn in the 1960s, Chris went to Adamandeve.com again soon after New Year's Day, and purchased some more XXX-rated Holiday Gifts for himself. These include: a "2008 Adam & Eve Calendar", a "[[Card games|Romance Roulette Card Game]]" (which Chris probably plays as [[Virgin with Rage|solitaire]]), and, the strangest one of the bunch, a "Carmen Boob Mousepad", whatever that is. He also got some free items as well, namely a "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and, most notably, the infamous "Anal Love Beads", which would become a popular theme for [[trolling]] Chris in the ensuing year.

===[[2008]]===

Chris got "a couple of [[DVD]]s, ''Bee Movie'' on Blu-Ray, [[Obesity|assorted chocolates]] and [[Bob Walks In|a calming family moment]]" ([[IRC (28 December 2008)]]); in Chris's words, it was "simple, nothing extravagant". Bob outdid himself with a gift to [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] overshadowing Sonichu in over-the-top symbolism. "He gave her an arranged box of ornaments, with tags attached to them; each one representing her blessings; three angels, me, dad and my half-bro, Cole. Ones for [[Ruckersville]], Red Oak, [[Chandler Cats|our cats]], and one for her." (Chris, on [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]).

===[[2009]]===

Chris took the time to send [[Kill De Jack|warm wishes]] to a [[Jack Thaddeus|dear friend]]. He also received chocolate and [[video games]] from [[Mailbag 24|his family]].

===[[2010]]===

Not much is known of how Chris spent Christmas this years. All that we know for sure is that for this Christmas he asked for all websites he sees as defamatory against him, such as the CWCki and [[ED]], to disappear.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He bought a ton of games in [[January 2011]], so he probably got PSN vouchers.

===[[2011]]===

Due to [[28 October 2011|Chris' decision to trespass at The Game Place and Barb's decision to assault an officer]], Chris's Christmas in 2011 was spent amid court appearances and the fear of potentially going to jail. It was also Chris's first Christmas sans-Bob.

===[[2012]]===
It's not known what Chris did, but he uploaded Bob's jazz marathon a few days beforehand.
{{Quote|I offer for all the complete set of songs and intros from the 1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon that my father hosted and played music of Jugs, Kazzoos and Washboards, Blues and Boogie-Woogie, plus three more hours of good jazz that was recorded with it on the original 6 Hour VHS.
http://rapidshare.com/files/3812165045/1990%20WTJU%20Jazz%20Marathon.zip
Merry Christmas.|[[Facebook]], 20 [[December 2012]]}}

On the 21st, he watched [[Wikipedia:2012 (film)|''2012'']] and thanked God and Jesus that the [[Wikipedia:2012 phenomenon|world didn't end]], which must have brightened up his Christmas.

A few days after Chris seemed miserable, saying ''"I am back to the same old feelings; lonely, depressed, etc. makes me almost wish the world had ended, so I wouldn't have to continue feeling the pain. I desperately require my true (future) Sweetheart-to-be AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN..."''<ref>[[2013 Imgur Leak]]</ref> Apparently again Santa didn't bring him a pretty girlfriend.

===[[2013]]===

Nothing but a few PS3 games. No Life Upgrade Upgrade and still no sweetheart from the ground-up.

===[[2014]]===

Chris requested much-needed [[Lego]] sets, and even suggested "prank gifts" for [[trolls]] to send him. The day after Christmas, however, Chris would go to a local [[GameStop]], attempt to deface a ''Sonic Boom'' display, and try to mace an employee before getting arrested...again. Whether or not Chris's behavior is the result of a disappointing Christmas gift turnout is currently unknown.

===[[2015]]===

In the build-up, Chris [[Seasons Greetings|suggested several gifts]], and sang "[[Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas]]."

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*"[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"
*"[[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]]"
*[[Holiday Greetings]]
*"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]"
*[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
*[[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|A Very ''Asperchu'' Christmas]]
*[[Halloween]]
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Lovin' You

2016-07-25T21:34:36Z

Burmy: /* The song */

'''"Lovin' You"''' is the sixth track from the second album of [[Chris]]'s cruddy [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|musical project]], ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. This song was also played on the video [[Chris Sings Lovin' You]].

In this song, Chris attempts to do an [[Adam Stackhouse|a capella]] cover of "[[Wikipedia:Lovin'_You|Lovin' You]]" by [[Wikipedia:Minnie Riperton|Minnie Riperton]]. However, due to a lack of practice, sheer laziness...or both, Chris gets the tune ''completely'' wrong. Some have even likened his attempt to sing the head voice parts as sounding "like [[Patti|a dying animal]]."

==The song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Lovin' You"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qM73Kke-NMk}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I'll Never Leave You, Ivy]]
| next = [[Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)]]
}}

===Lyrics===
''[Lyrics from original version, except he ends with]''

''Love you [[Ivy|Ivyyyyy]]''

''I loooove yooooou.''
''(kiss)''

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Even Auto-Tune Can't Save Chris-Chan's Voice...
| video = {{#ev:youtube|nPb4wBlxCKY}}
| stardate = 4 [[May 2010]]
| maker = Mr. I Don't Even
| type = Auto-Tuned Clip
}}

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova

2016-06-24T20:45:47Z

Burmy: /* Listen */

"'''La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova'''" ("[[Chris's kitchen|The kitchen]] in [[Love Quest|Casanova]]'s house") is the fifth track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. It is sung over the Spanish version of Ricky Martin's "[[Fapcup|The Cup of Life]]."

More than anything else, this song demonstrates Chris's ''total mastery'' of [[Spanish]].

It should also be noted that the real-life [[Wikipedia:Giacomo Casanova|Giacomo Casanova]] was Venetian, not Spanish; Chris probably mistook him for Spanish because his name resembles ''casa nueva'', Spanish for "new house."

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vk0XHBYR6DM}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Other|[[Spanish]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]
| next = [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]
}}

===Lyrics===

[''sung over [[Homos|Ricky Martin's]] "''[[Wikipedia:The Cup of Life (Ricky Martin song)|La Copa de La Vida]]''"'']

¡Casanova! 
¡Casanova! 
¡Casanova! 

¡Estamos en la cocina! 
¡En la casa de Casanova! 
¡Estamos divertido, sí! [?] 
¡Bailamos con la música! 

¡Hay muchas chicas y niñas aquí 
En la casa! 

¡Casanova está muy feliz 
Porque está hacienda cosas calientes! 

¡Hace calor! ¡Hace calor! 
¡Casanova! 

Here we go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 
Go, go, go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Esta noche… 
Esta noche sera 
Diversión! [?] 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Uno, dos, tres! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 
Un, deux, trois! 
¡Olé, olé olé! 

Because he 
Is Casanova! 
Go, go, go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Olé, olé! (¡Olé, olé!) [repeat to end] 

¡Casanova!

===Translation===

Casanova! 
Casanova! 
Casanova! 

We're in the kitchen! 
In Casanova’s house! 
We’re having fun, yes! 
We’re dancing with the music! 

[[Pedofork|There are lots of girls and girls here]] 
In the house! 

Casanova is very happy 
[[Chris and sex|Because he’s doing hot things!]] 

It's hot! It's hot! 
Casanova! 

Here we go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 
Go, go, go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

This night… 
This night will be 
Fun! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

One, two, three! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 
''Un, deux, trois!'' 
''¡Olé, olé olé!'' 

Because he 
Is Casanova! 
Go, go, go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

''¡Olé, olé!'' (''¡Olé, olé!'') [repeat to end] 

Casanova!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yH2RcOBIUbc}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Yellow Is a Mellow Color

2016-06-24T20:43:07Z

Burmy: /* Listen */

'''"Yellow Is a Mellow Color"''' is the sixth track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. This song is an example of Chris's [[Things Chris has ripped off|originality]], as the music is ripped off from [[wikipedia:Los del Río|Los del Río]]'s "[[wikipedia:Macarena|Macarena]]," and the title is ripped off from [[wikipedia:Donovan|Donovan]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Mellow Yellow|Mellow Yellow]]." It's one of his best-known songs because it was up for download on his [[MySpace]] profile and [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]].

Based on a November 2007 [[List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica|ED edit]] in which Chris furnishes "Yellow is a Mellow Color" as an example of his "[[random-access humor]]," it is suggested that the song is intended to be humorous, but to [[Chris|whom]], GodBear only knows.

It seems to be a favourite of Chris's, as he played it several times during the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]].

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Yellow Is a Mellow Color"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0Rk4HLL0ZVo}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]
| next = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
}}

===Lyrics===

[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Los del Río|Los del Río]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Macarena (song)|Macarena]]"'']

Yellow is a mellow color 
Yes, it is, it's a mellow color 
[[Sonichu]] zaps the lightning 
Hey! Mellow color, [[Slow-in-the-minds|ahh!]]

Feeling the condensation 
Living in [[CWCville|my nation]] 
Lemon makes lemonade 
Hey! Mellow color

Traveling without a map 
Is like traveling with no map 
[[Yawning Squirtle|Take a chill pill and dance]] 
Yellow is a mellow color

[''indecipherable''] ...mellow 
Hopefully they won't make him play a cello 
Somehow for Sonichu and friends 
Will zip and zap!

This [[Niggo|little monkey]], he likes to play around 
He eats a bunch of [[Pickles|bananas]] 
Never put a banana in your pajamas 
Yellow is a mellow color

Yellow is a mellow color 
Yes, it is, it's a mellow color 
Sonichu zaps the lightning 
Hey! Mellow color 
''(repeat 2 more times)''

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Yellow is a Mellow Color, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XLZ5q6GazUQ}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Yellow is a Mellow Color
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]].
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Revive Zordon

2016-02-25T21:22:55Z

Burmy: /* Unofficial versions */

[[File:SchuComic10P29.jpg|thumb|Most awesome!]]

"'''Revive Zordon'''" is the last single from the band [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], after the dismal failure of their sophomore album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK]]''. The lyrics to the song made its worldwide debut in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but was never recorded and released as an actual single. Set to the tune of "[[Wikipedia:Cat Scratch Fever|Cat Scratch Fever]]" by [[Wikipedia:Ted Nugent|Ted Nugent]] (a song Chris almost certainly only heard about from ''[[Guitar Hero|Guitar Hero: Aerosmith]]''), the song deals with his desire to see the return of the first American ''[[Wikipedia:Super Sentai|Super Sentai]]'' team, the [[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]], by reviving their mentor, [[Wikipedia:Zordon|Zordon]], who made a heroic sacrifice in the [[1998]] series ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''.

Chris repeated his dislike for the plotline to [[Jackie]], using almost the same phrasing as in the song.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

==Lyrics==
[[Image:OldschoolrockinCWC.PNG|thumb|He's usin' the power of Rock and Rock to SAVE THE WORLD! \m/]]
[[Wikipedia:Andros (Power Rangers)|They]] smashed his tube while lost [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|in space]] 
And then he was gone to save the human race 
Yet more evil forces showed up 
And they lost their good fans 
When they went and killed Zordon! 

''Chorus:'' 
They need to revive Zordon! 
Revive Zordon! 

[[George W. Bush|Presi]][[Barack Obama|dents]] [[Chris and the Law|tried to enforce]] 
But [[Chris and writing|that plot was too trite]] 
Zordon was better than [[Jerkop|the police]] 
He had great powers and then some 
[[Power|Might]] and [[Magical Man|magic]] ruled 
And five Zords rule over three. 

[''chorus x2'']

The original team was beyond the best 
[[Wikipedia:Tommy Oliver|Tommy]] loved [[Wikipedia:Kimberly Hart|Kimberly]] 
(Sweet and Tenderly) 
[[Wikipedia:Trini Kwan|Trini]] was keeping it real with [[Wikipedia:Zack Taylor|Zach]] [''sic''], 
[[Wikipedia:Billy Cranston|Billy]] had the brains to time travel 
and [[Wikipedia:Jason Lee Scott|Jason]] was leadin' Red! 

[[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Dinozords|Dinozords]] evolved to the 
the [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Thunderzords|Thunder Power]] 
Ninja and [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Shogunzords|Shogun]] [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Titanus the Carrierzord|Titanus]] 
[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Zeo|Zeo Crystal Power]] 
[[Transformers|Autobot-Style]] with [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Turbo|Turbo]] 
U.F.O. got lost in Space 

[''chorus x2'']

Revive Zordon and get the 
Power Rangers back together, 
which was most awesome!!! 
(Compared to today's [[Chris and censorship|c**py]] "Power Rangers") 
{{clear}}

==Unofficial versions==
Thankfully, most likely because his first musical project was a complete failure, Chris has never made an official version of the song. Instead, we are treated to the dulcet tones of both the narrator of the [[Audiobooks]], and [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys|Rex Rowan]].

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JEdFaGM756U}}
| stardate = 14 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]] with singing by [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist]]
| type = Music Video
| info = MP3 [http://www.mediafire.com/?hwrvy3ncyyy here].
}}

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6fLSWxJ1cJY}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''.
}}</center>

==Reception==
{{quote|god. it's like if I rewrote the lyrics to Hey Jude but complained about how digimon season 2 sucked|[[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

The song was first played at the headquarters of [[4-cent garbage.com]], which led to the deaths of [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]], as well about 250 other innocent people amongst the 1,500 working inside the building. In [[Molvanîa]], where the Hedgehog Boys are considered national pop icons, people were horrified at not only the carnage the song brought, but also how Chris slams the other Power Ranger teams, who are loved from Sasava to Lublova.

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWCipedia|chris=Issue_10/Page_30|linkname=Reviving Zordon}}
{{clear}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
[[Category:Music]]

It's UGH!

2016-01-14T12:56:35Z

Burmy: /* Video */

"'''It's UGH!'''" is the bizarre name to a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 24 [[July 2009]], before removing it a short time later in usual CWC fashion. The video features him begrudgingly singing along to the song "OK2B[[Gay]]" by Norwegian [[wikipedia:Bubblegum dance|bubblegum dance]] singer [[Tomgirl|Tomboy]]. At the end of the video he curses at [[Jack Thaddeus]] (who had made [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris hump his PS3]] within the same day) and "[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha whatever]]."

What Chris doesn't seem to understand is that "OK2BGay" is sung tongue firmly grasped in cheek. While the song's message is intended to be serious, lines like "[[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|pick up the soap]]" are clearly being sung in self-parody.

The version of the song Chris uses in the video is not the album version, which doesn't begin with music box sounds and a chorus of voices. This is somewhat justified by the fact that the album is unavailable in America.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's UGH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5NZw7tRNa2A}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLogoShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[It's UGH!#Remake Video|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Up until 0:36, the only audio from the video is the opening of the song's video version. Chris is shown grimacing in pain over the chorus of [[JERKS]] singing. He starts [[Chris and music|singing]] at 0:37, in a very unsettling and [[alcohol|drunken]] growling Kermit the Frog impression. Chris actually talks at 4:04.'']

<poem>It's okay to be [[homos|gay]], let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your [[semen|load]]
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
Queen of the balls
Some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
Open your eyes
It's a matter of size

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way ''[gagging sounds]''
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah (sing hallelujah)
It's getting to ya (it's getting to ya)

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade

Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay!

Ugh. Yech. Ung... uck. Damn you, Jack Thaddeus slash Samantha whatever.</poem>

==Remake==
[[Image:TrickeryFail.jpg|thumb|Chris thought he would be clever if he made the video by not actually titling the video "It's Okay to be Gay," in addition to having tags "It's a Mockery you damn, dirty [[homos]]."]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], not satisfied with a video of Chris singing in a dumb voice and covering himself on camera most of the time, wanted a version of Chris singing it with more vigor.

'''It's____''', a remake of It's UGH!, was uploaded on the following day, 25 [[July 2009]]. Chris is seen disguised with a [[KCWC broadcast|Groucho Marx]] mask, along with the hat of his [[Officer Nasty]] sex doll. Note, surprisingly, that Chris looks somewhat thinner in this video which just goes to show that black (and stained sex-doll accessories) really is slimming. The YouTube search tags read out, "It's a Mockery you damn dirty [[homos]]." He changes some of the pronouns of the lyrics to "she". In the last sentence of the video, he says that it's not okay to be gay, as yet another feeble attempt to "outwit" the [[trolls]].

{{clear}}

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's____
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TdLK7L66Wf4}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| previous = [[It's UGH!#Video|It's UGH!]]
| next = [[Cwc dare]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Kick the Autistic|Merry Kickmas]]. [[Random-access humor|Why not?]]

It's okay be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way 
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 

Father figures we are 
You're a shooting star you've come so far 
I was once in your shoes 
In a closet like you 
I had nothing to lose 

Hey man gay man pick up the soap 
Get on your knees and pray 
Hey man gay man 
Release your load 
You've got to cease to delay 
The gay way 

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 
Hooray! For the man! 

Ooh, strong man 
queen of the balls 
some brotherly love is a pleasure for all 
Come out 
open your eyes 
it's a matter of size. Siiiiize 

Hey man gay man pick up the soap 
Get on your knees and pray 
Hey man gay man 
Release your load 
you've got to cease to delay 
The gay way 

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Okay to be gay! 
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way 

Sing hallelujah 
It's getting to ya 

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Homo dork! 
Now remember 
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over 

It's okay to be gay! ...'sokay to be gay! let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
It's okay! 
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 

West is where you should go 
To San Francisco 
I get that you know 
Would you gather my face 
So united we stand in a gay parade 
A human serenade [''cough''] 

[''mumbling''] Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way 

It's ''not'' okay to be gay! [''Chris takes off his Groucho glasses, throws them to the ground, and makes a pose'']

===Altered description===
The next day, Chris added a changed description.
{{quotebox|I INFORM YOU TRUE,

I was Blackmailed originally into singing that Damn, Dirty Song. Upon Initial Reading of the Lyrics, I FELT QUEASY and GOING TO THROW UP. I expressed that Fully in the FIRST TRIAL of singing it, even though I deleted it, someone else may have Mirrored those Close-Ups of my body and Vocals. I REMAIN STRONG AND TRUE; ONLY Straightness is Rightous; "Gay" IS "Stupid", and DO NOT use the word "[[homos|Gay]]" IN ANY SENTENCE, UNLESS you are actually talking to or about a PAPER-CERTIFIED Homosexual (they're already all damned).

I AM A PAPER-CERTIFIED STRAIGHT MAN; I Personally Hold ALL the paperwork.

For the while, with "[[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Stan Bush]]" at my PSP/PC/[[PS3]] offering me Inspiration to continue on. I required an instance WHY of all human and God-Giving Reason, and if it was AT ALL, that original track ever GOOD and Beneficial for the Cause to Stay Straight. It took an Ex-Troll-Turned-Friend to let me know that TomBoy ORIGINALLY wrote that song as a MOCKERY. That was ALL I need to know and hear to MAKE MY MOCKERY to Gays, and SING ON. I have fulfilled my End of the Deal with Victory and Valour towards the Rightous Cause of Being Straight. I had "From the darkness stumbled into the Light". While it "Seems like it's been Forever", This was the "Last Round" that I had to "Fight for what I Know IS RIGHT". "Everyone may try to Break my Spirits, Keepin' Me Down," But NO MORE.

I, "Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] and [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]]; TRUE ORIGINAL Creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], WITH EYE-WITNESSES back on HIS and HER Dates Of Creation and Birth, AM BACK, and I will not stand idle and be Disrespected with fellow Local Citizens of all [[JERKS|Gen]][[Women's rights|ders]] and [[Chris and race|Races]] Falling in That Disrespect In My Wake.

I thank you ALL to RESPECT and CONTINUE RESPECTING Me, My Friends, My Hometowns, and THESE United States of America. I AM STRAIGHT; CUT YOUR DAMN, DIRTY "GAY" THEORIES THE FUCK OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE FOREVER.

Thank You.

Christian Weston Chandler, July 25, 2009 }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]|nextlink=[[Cwc dare]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-24]]

Sonichu Zip

2016-01-10T15:27:59Z

Burmy: /* Listen */

'''"Sonichu Zip"''' is the second track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. It is sung over "Sonic Drive" by Hironobu Kageyama and Hideaki Takatori, the theme song to ''[[Sonic]] X'' in Japan.

This is arguably the most impenetrable of Chris's songs, if only because the non-stop Japanese yelling from the underlying track masks much of Chris's own "singing."

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Sonichu Zip"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Tj48wq5oO9A}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Comics|[[Sonichu]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[So Need a Cute Girl]]
| next = [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Hironobu Kageyama and Hideaki Takatori's "Sonic Drive"'']

:S-O-N-I-C-H-U!
:S-O-N-I-C-H-U!
:Go! Go! Go! Go!
:Let's zip!

:Born from energy
:Of extreme power!
:Go wild and free
:At the speed of sound!

:Y'all keep it together, yeah you do [??]
:In [[Pokémon]]!
:There is a girl! [?]
:[[Rosechu]]!

:Fighting with physical power!
:Everybody shocks all villains! [?]
:In a world with humans and Pokémon!
:Hey, look! There’s [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]!

:(Inside! Outside!) Zappin' together!
:(Inside! Outside!) Let's zip!
:No matter how you try,
:He's uncatchable!

:(Inside! Outside!) Go, Sonichu!
:(Inside! Outside!) Zipping along, Yes, Sonichu!
:Zappin' the villains when you are there! Yeah!
:C’mon! You’re the greatest friend!

:Conquer trouble!
:Save you all, and zip away!

:S-O-N-I-CHU!
:S-O-N-I-CHU!
:Go! Go! Go! Go!
:Let's zip!

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

PlayingHouse

2015-12-28T23:15:26Z

Burmy: /* Video */

'''PlayingHouse''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris plays with some [[LEGO]] people like a [[pedofork]]. Most notably, he points out the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|''peeps and poops'']] of his fictional children. Chris most likely got this phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "Whistle While Your Wife Works", where Herbert tells his dog to make these.

Also, this video suggests that, if they were to be married, Chris would want Jackie to work as a journalist during the day while he [[Monthly tugboat|lies around at home]], "taking care of the children".

It is interesting to note that while "[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]" is portrayed as a sweet and intelligent little girl (attending school and writing in a diary at four years old, no less), her little brother "[[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]]" is only referred to when Chris laments him expelling various bodily fluids and crying all night, at one point demanding he stay quiet so he can enjoy Jackie's sweet, wet [[china]] in peace. As such, it's another example of Chris's curious [[JERKS|misandry]] in action. At the end, the 2 characters are in bed, and Chris cannot resist miming [[Hanky-panky|the inevitable]], complete with pathetic orgasms.

Also of note is Chris's first use of what appears to be a makeshift stage with lighting — though as with everything else Chris does with [[Chris and cinematography|camerawork and lighting]], it is badly done — the viewer can see one of the corners of the box because of the shadow, the light is still too low, and the camera isn't centered on the scene.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = PlayingHouse
| video = {{#ev:youtube|k3GdOkt4tEc}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| previous = [[SonichuBabies]]
| next = [[Wigwam]]
}}

{{quote|Reginald's been a messy lil' babychild! Made his lil' peeps n' poops!}}

=== Transcript ===
'''Narrating:''' Okay, here's another story, in all its love and glory. Alright, this is me. This is my sweetheart. These are our children. That's, uh, Reginald. This one's Crystal. Reginald's da baby, the younger brother. This'll, this'll double as table and uh, beds, during their respective times. So, on with the show. I'm at home, and my wife's coming home from work.

'''Jackie''': ''[High pitched voice]'' Hi honey, I'm home!

'''Chris''': [''Normally''] Oh hi, sweetheart, how ya doin'? How was your day at work?

'''Jackie''': Oh, it's been good.

'''Chris''': I'm just, I'm happy to see you made it home safe. [''Kissing sound'']

'''Jackie''': Yes. Anyways, journalism is very hard.

'''Chris''': Yes it is, I hear. So, what happened today?

'''Jackie''': Aw, we, aw, I meant, you, oh, my article got printed. It got very huge responses!''

[''Wiggles "Jackie", tips her over'']

'''Chris''': Really.

'''Jackie''': Yeah! But unfortunately they let off, they laid off Wilkinson at work.

'''Chris''': They laid off Wilkinson? What'd they do that for?

'''Jackie''': 'Pparently he just wasn't keepin' up!

'''Chris''': Oh. That's a shame.

[''"Children" slide in front of the screen''] Wheeewheewheewheewhee! [''Lego figures appear unfazed'']

'''Jackie''': So, how're the kids?

'''Chris''': They're doin', they're doin' okay. You know, they're just play-, they're just playing. Uh, actually, uh, actually Crystal is uh, doing, is uh, doing her preschool homework, and uh, Reg-, and Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' [[Christian Weston Chandler|baabychild]]! Made his lil' [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|peeps n' poops]]! And he went, and he went weewee all over the bathroom. It was a [[14 Branchland Court|terrible mess]]. [[Chris's room|Terrible mess]]. I had to clean all that up, and of course I had to change all of his [[Butt garments|diapers]] too, when he needed changin'. I fed the boy. I fed the girl, too. [''Awkward silence. Jackie falls asleep.''] Anyway though, they're doin' okay.

'''Jackie''': So how's uhhwubde-dinnerbeready?

'''Chris''': Yes. Dinner will be ready in a few, in about fifteen minutes, so you can go uh, get your, you can go put your things away and uh, come to dinner.

'''Jackie''': Alright.

''["Jackie" flies off, followed by "Chris"]''

''[Table and chairs are set out]''

'''Chris''': [[McDonald's|Dinnertime]]! Numnumnumnumnum! [''Lego figures join table'']

[''Offscreen''] Ah shoot, which ones did I say? Ah, the blue one's Reginald, the orange one's Crystal. And Reginald needs a booster seat.

'''Narrating:''' Hm! So anyway, we just finished up dinner.

'''Jackie''': Mmm, that was delicious, dear!

'''Chris''': Why thank you. It was a, it was a specialty I had learned from the uh, home imp-, from the uh, food channel. New recipe: chicken calzone.

'''Jackie''': Myeah, it was very good!

'''Reginald''': Bububububoobee! Th!

'''Chris''': Aah, too bad lil' Reginald end up uh, throwing up in some places.

'''Crystal''': Daddy, can I go my woom now? I want to play somethin'. I want to go write my diary and, y'know, get ready for bed soon.

'''Chris''': Okay [[sweetheart]], Okay Crystal, you go, you go take care of yourself.

'''Crystal''': Thank you, daddy!

'''Reginald''': Dababubudee!

'''Jackie''': I'll now take Reginald off your hands, and you can take care of the uh, dinner table and all that.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Narrating:''' Alright so, I take care of the dishes. Duhduhduhduhduhduhdadada. And then a lil' while later, I go upstairs to tuck the children in bed.

'''Crystal''': Daddy, that was a very lovel-, that was a nice story you read to me.

'''Chris''': I'm glad you enjoyed it, Crystal.

'''Crystal''': Daddy? Do you think, do you know what I might be when I grow up?

'''Chris''': No. What do you think you might be when you grow up?

'''Crystal''': I think I want to be a ballerina dancer. Either that, or a [[Officer Nasty|police pers-, a police woman]]. I'm still undecided.

'''Chris''': That's alright, you might, you take your time, make up your mind, it'll come to you, dear. Good night! [''Fumbles with toy''] Oops. [''"Kisses"''] Goodnight sweetheart. Goodnight little girl.

'''Crystal''': Goodnight!

'''Narrating:''' Now we tuck Regin-, and now we tuck Reginald in.

'''Reginald''': Dabadabadabadubu!

'''Chris''': [''"Kiss"''] Mmm, well you sleep tight, little partner. Don't be makin' no cries tonight.

'''Reginald''': Dubehbedubuh.

'''Chris''': Mmm. Wow, he's sound asleep already. I hope he stays that way for the rest of the night.

[''Begins to press "Jackie" and "Chris" into the "bed"''] Mmm, legos don't want to fit together.

''["Jackie" and "Chris" are on the bed. The bed is only 4 units wide, so both characters are teetering on the edge.]''

'''Narrating:''' And now I meet my wife in bed.

'''Chris''': Mmm. So what's up for, what's up for tomorrow?

'''Jackie''': Oh, I got another case to report. They got me doin', they got me doin' a trial with uh, some, with some, against some dude who uh, murdered somebody. S'posed to be really big, so, took it up on that.

'''Chris''': Alright. Mmm. I got my, I got, tomorrow's shopping day. I have to deal with the uh, have to deal with uh, little Reginald crying in the back seat with me, so Crystal will keep him calm.

'''Jackie''': That's good.

''[Chris begins to do the obvious, but luckily notices in time that society seems to require that pesky "asking" part]''

'''Chris''': So, you wanna do it?

'''Jackie''': Yeah, why not. ''[Chris pushes the minifigs together]'' Oh yeah, you do it good! ''[Chris begins to bang the figures together, the sheer force of it breaks the bed, in a sex scene that lasts for approximately 5 seconds]'' Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, awhwww, good, goin' great.

'''Chris''': You did good.

'''Jackie''': Yay!

'''Chris''': Ah, goodnight. Sleep tight.

''[Chris, noticing that the bed has been destroyed, just drops the minifigs on the floor.]''

'''Narrating:''' The e--

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan Playing With Legos (ZOMG XXX ACTION HOTT NSFW)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yOOPpKUBgUQ}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = posthumanfetus
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| type = Remix
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan And Jackie -- No Children
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FD4yVblye3M}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| maker = 8x13Wolf
}}

==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[SonichuBabies]]|nextlink=[[Wigwam]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 b]]

Twin Falling Towers

2015-12-12T05:58:27Z

Burmy: /* Video */

'''Twin Falling Towers''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 1 [[November 2009]]. An unusually tasteless video even for his [[Chris and...|standards]], here, Chris attempts to threaten [[Clyde Cash]] by sticking an embarrassing picture of him in place of the Twin Towers and making childish explosion noises.

[[File:911.jpg|thumb|200px|Terrorism]]

==Video==
This video was put in the [[Random-access humor|Comedy]] category. Good job, Chris.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Twin Falling Towers
| video = {{#ev:youtube|81_Zjie1lxA}}
| stardate = 1 [[November 2009]]
| style = {{Smug|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|"[[Random-access humor|Comedy]]"}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[I AM STRONG]]
| next = [[It will never end]]
}}

{{quote|Your fame and fortune shall fall just like these twin towers!}}

=== Transcript ===

[[File:PROOFHEISATERRORIST!.jpg|thumb|200px|[[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#11 July, 19:43 - 12 July, 08:05| He's as wild as a serial raper!]]]]

[''Close-up on an image of the World Trade Center before its destruction. Fragments of the photo of "Clyde", that Chris has been using this whole time, are visible through the silhouette of the towers. Laid over the image is a pointing cursor; we are looking at a picture displayed on a computer screen.'']

Well now, Mr. Clyde...your toime and rutches--your fame and [[4-cent garbage|four-chunn]] shall fall just like these Twin Towers! They go crumbling down, with an airplane!

[''Chris moves the cursor towards the "towers."''] Nyerrrrrrr! Pffff! [''Chris wiggles the cursor around the "towers" to give the impression that they have exploded. He then does a horrible imitation of Strong Bad from'' Homestar Runner''.''] You are weeeeeeeak! [[I AM STRONG|I'm the strong wunnnnnn]]! You are going down, Mr. Clyde Cash! Gnrrrrrr!

==Liquid Chris responds==
[[Liquid Chris|Our Hero]] spotted the video not long after it was posted and offered a brief response reflecting the feelings of many observers.

{{Quote|HOW could You MOCK the ALMOST THREE THOUSAND PEOPLE who DIED in the Nine-Eleven Plane Attacks!? I WILL SHOW THIS TO KACEY, AND SHE WILL KICK YOUR ASS AND I WILL HELP.

Please Die,

CWC|YouTube comment from Liquid Chris}}

He made another comment a few minutes later.

{{Quote|And Another Thing, KACEY is from a MILITARY FAMILY. Now you are Doomed.

CWC|Liquid Chris, on how [[Ian]] further ruined any chances of getting to [[Kacey]]'s [[china]]}}

No Marines have ever been spotted waiting outside of [[14 Branchland Court]].

==See also==
*[[Apology for 9/11 Joke]]
*[[Chris's Response to the Terrorism Attacks in Paris]]
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Random-access humor]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I AM STRONG]]|nextlink=[[It will never end|It Will Never End]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-01]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-11-01]]
[[Category:Gay Spider-Man videos| 2009-11-01]]

THAT IS MY HOUSE

2015-12-09T09:22:13Z

Burmy:

[[File:DeathStarCam7.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Star Wars|Do you ''realize''...? Do... you... '''realize''' something? Let me tell you: If the Rebel Alliance sees those Death Star plans, that you put in the damn droid, they could destroy our base, and we would have to move out of it...?]]]]

'''THAT IS MY HOUSE''', aka '''ECV 00193''', is a video uploaded 27 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris]] demands footage of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] be removed from the [[internet]].

Chris took down the video not too long afterward, only for it be re-uploaded by [[troll]] [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|archivists]]. On 29 August 2009, an uncut version of the video featuring [[Bob]] was acquired by [[Vivian Gee]] and [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked|leaked]] onto [[YouTube]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|I was Already In Deep Enough, but THIS IS TOO DEEP! GET ALL MY HOUSE IMAGES OFF THE INTERNET!

I am counting on ALL FULL Positive Cooperation in this major matter.

Christian Weston Chandler, August 17 [sic], 2009 }}

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = THAT IS MY HOUSE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R5fR4A2k8_c}}
| stardate = 27 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|[[The Internet]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]
| next = [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE#Uncut|ECV 00192]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
''[Chris races into the frame, obviously angry and upset--he begins speaking quietly, but gradually gets louder]''

This does not even deserve a [[Captain's Log]] introduction, ''[dramatic [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] removal]'' BECAUSE THIS IS dead SERIOUS. The [[Tour of Chris's House|inside and outside tour]] I did A FEW MONTHS ago of my house, everyone on the [[Internet]]...

''[Chris jumps up and suddenly begins to scream and yell in a fit of childish rage, flapping his arms as he puts louder emphasis on certain words, sounding somewhat similar to Gilbert Gottfried]''

{{RageQuote|[[Borb|MY MOTHER]] '''[[Borb|AND MY FATHER]]''' ARE '''ANGRY''' AT ME!}}

'''THEY'RE BLAMING''' IT AT ME! '''IT'S MY FAULT, I ADMIT IT!''' IT'S MY FAULT; I WANT EVERYTHING A'''''BOUT MY HOUSE'''''

{{RageQuote|'''''OFF! THE! INTERNET!'''''}}

''[Chris starts gesticulating ridiculously]'' I'll send in detectives! I'll send in [[police]]! I'll send in EVERYTHING IN MY {{RageQuote|'''[[POWER]]!'''}}

''[There is a noticeable jump-cut, as a result of a removed scene in which Bob enters and speaks with Chris. Chris's glasses are back on his face and the door is left open from when [[Bob Walks In|Bob walked in]]. This scene is included in the uncut version below]''

So yeah, please, get everything off the Internet...

{{RageQuote|Now, NOW, NOW, ''NOW, NOW,'' '''''NOW!'''''}}

''[Chris stomps the ground as he yells, the camera [[Obesity|noticeably shakes]]. He quickly calms down, then holds up the peace sign]''

[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse]] the [[trolls]], peace to everyone else.

==Uncut==
{{quote|Shut that goddamn thing off!|Bob Chandler, addressing his old foe: that ''goddamn Internet''}}

An uncut version entitled '''ECV 00192''' was posted by Vivian on 29 August 2009, where Bob walks in and scolds Chris. This is the second and last time we see Bob showing any kind of parental authority over Chris. In [[Mailbag 25]], Chris revealed that he lied to his father, telling him that he had gotten the house videos off of the Internet.

We also learn the real reason why Chris's parents are concerned about the tour videos: the fear that the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] will discover the squalor of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler Household]] and condemn it. Unsurprisingly, in typical CWC fashion, [[Chris and remorse|Chris doesn't seem to care about that]] and is only concerned that he got in trouble with his parents.

Also noteworthy is the fact that this marks the first Chris video explicitly featuring another living, breathing person (as opposed to [[Kimmi|an inflatable person, made of plastic]]).

===Video===
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = ECV 00192
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qN4WGbzq2R4}}
| stardate = 29 [[August 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = THAT IS MY HOUSE
| next = [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
''[The video begins as above, but at 0:28, [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] opens the door and walks in]''

'''Chris''': ...THAT--GET IT '''OFF''' THE INNERNET...

'''Bob''': Listen-to-me! [''muffled by Chris's "OFF THE INTERNET!"''] Listen to me.

'''Chris''': ''[his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|expression changes rapidly]] and slowly turns to face Bob]'' Yes...

'''Bob''': Listen to '''ME'''.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Bob''': Shut that goddamn thing off!

''[Chris [[sigh]]s and attempts to turn off his [[PS3|PSEye]], but fails to realize that it's still recording the conversation. Bob walks over to him]''

'''Bob''': I don't care what you do. ''[pointing at PSEye]'' You get all that stuff off of there. Tonight.

'''Chris''': I'm working on it. ''[slaps hands to his side]''

'''Bob''': Go work on it! ''[points to the door, instructing Chris to go to the computer downstairs]''

'''Chris''': I am workin--

'''Bob''': Do you ''realize''...? Do. You. '''Realize''' something? Let me tell you: If the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County]...sees those videos...that you put on the damn internet...they could condemn our house, and we would have to move out of it...?

'''Chris''':'' [sighs]'' I see.

'''Bob''': You go get that goddamn stuff off of there and fast!

'''Chris''': I'm WORKING on it! I was making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "Get the images off of the Internet". Y'know it's not...

'''Bob''': Nooo...

'''Chris''': Its—It's, ahh, ''out of my control'' ''[flails arms]''

'''Bob''': No, '''you''' get 'em off.

'''Chris''': It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! ''I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO''--

'''Bob''': Yooou loaded them up there, you unload 'em!

'''Chris''': I'm working on it!

'''Bob''': Go do ''it!''

'''Chris''': ''I AM WORK'-- I AM DOIN' IT... I'M STARTIN'...

'''Bob''': GGet in ''here'' and do ''it''!

'''Chris''': I--''[sputters]''

'''Bob''': ''[walks out of the room]'' I'll be up all night with you if ''I have to''. You won't get any sleep until that stuff's off.

'''Chris''': I'll working on it!

'''Bob''': ''[from outside]'' Git in there and staart!

'''Chris''': ''III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[Trolls|E'RRYBODY]], [[True and Loyal Fanbase|IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'-- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!'--'

'''Bob''': ''[interrupting]'' Listennn,

'''Chris''': --about our house!

'''Bob''': I don't wanna get kicked outta my house. By the Health Department. And what you just did was stick a knife in our back, and kill us! ''[Bob exits the room again]''

'''Chris''': Aw'right... lemme just...

'''Bob''': Get that stuff OFFA THERE...

'''Chris''': '''I'M ''WOORK'''''--

'''Bob''': ...and get it offa there fast!

'''Chris''': I'm WORKIN' on it! I'm ''WORKIN' '' on it!'' [Chris appears to resume recording footage for his video]''

''[Cut footage ends at 2:11, continuing into NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOWWWWW]''

==The Greene County Health Department responds==
In addition to creating many, many mirrors of the videos Bob wanted cut down, some more intrepid viewers actually did contact the Greene County Health Department. The Health Department did respond (3 weeks later) to one such letter, although they seemed indifferent and stated the Chandler's decision to live in a garbage house full of dirty dishes and animal feces was part of their inalienable rights as guaranteed by the US Constitution:

{{quotebox|Dear Bob S:

Thank you for your interest in this situation. The challenge is to
clarify if the conditions at this residence are a risk to the public's
health or if they are personal risks accepted by the individuals that
choose to live there.

Public Health relates to the general health of a community. When
diseases can be transmitted from person to person or when the health
risk affects the community, regulations have normally been enacted to
address these public health threats. Even so, the individual's right to
choose is protected by the Constitution. We know smoking greatly
increases the risk of cancer and heart disease, yet individuals continue
to choose to smoke. Regulations are in place to minimize public exposure
to contaminated or mishandled foods, yet some individuals still choose
to eat raw hamburger. In the case you've brought to our attention, the
"deplorable conditions" you refer to appear to be confined to the
individual residence and are the choice of those that live there. They
do not appear to effect the health of the community. There are no
specific health regulations that address individual choices in private
living conditions.

We have contacted the building official to see if any building, zoning
of fire prevention laws apply and were informed that they did not. We
also contacted the Greene County Attorney to see if he knew of any
County ordinances that would be applicable. He did not know of any. We
also contacted adult protective services to make sure they are aware of
the situation.

Please contact me if I can be of further assistance.

Jeffrey T. McDaniel 
Environmental Health Manager 
[http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/thomasjefferson/ Thomas Jefferson Health District]}}

This raises the question of whether Chris is properly informed about the risks to his health and all of his rights as a disabled person (especially the right to [[Chris and psychology|humane psychiatric treatment]] that would help him live on his own), although this probably isn't a matter for the Health Department.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "That's My House!" - Ca. 1912 Silent Film Starring Christian and Robert Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|csQWQzpfDBc}}
| stardate = 27 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tregnier279 tregnier279]
| subject =
| type = Remix
| info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok (Presented to You by Christian Weston Chandler)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1iwZp-j170Y}}
| stardate = 09 [[January 2010]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject =
| type = Remix to "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
| info = Arguably the most popular fan video of them all
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (YTPMV) THAT IS MY GENTLEMENTLEMEN
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dFUikkbOf40}}
| stardate = 25 [[April 2011]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RainingMetal?feature=mhum RainingMetal]
| subject =
| type = YouTube Poop Music Video
}}

==See also==
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]
*[[Tour of Chris's House]]
*[[Chris and negotiation]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]|nextlink=[[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]|}}

{{Troll Videos}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-27]]

THAT IS MY HOUSE

2015-12-09T09:18:17Z

Burmy: /* Fan videos */

[[File:DeathStarCam7.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Star Wars|Do you ''realize''...? Do... you... '''realize''' something? Let me tell you: If the Rebel Alliance sees those Death Star plans, that you put in the damn droid, they could destroy our base, and we would have to move out of it...?]]]]

'''THAT IS MY HOUSE''', aka '''ECV 00193''', is a video uploaded 27 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris]] demands footage of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] be removed from the [[internet]].

Chris took down the video not too long afterward, only for it be re-uploaded by [[troll]] [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|archivists]]. On 29 August 2009, an uncut version of the video featuring [[Bob]] was acquired by [[Vivian Gee]] and [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked|leaked]] onto [[YouTube]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|I was Already In Deep Enough, but THIS IS TOO DEEP! GET ALL MY HOUSE IMAGES OFF THE INTERNET!

I am counting on ALL FULL Positive Cooperation in this major matter.

Christian Weston Chandler, August 17 [sic], 2009 }}

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = THAT IS MY HOUSE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|70LvKzxeHOE}}
| stardate = 27 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|[[The Internet]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]
| next = [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE#Uncut|ECV 00192]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
''[Chris races into the frame, obviously angry and upset--he begins speaking quietly, but gradually gets louder]''

This does not even deserve a [[Captain's Log]] introduction, ''[dramatic [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] removal]'' BECAUSE THIS IS dead SERIOUS. The [[Tour of Chris's House|inside and outside tour]] I did A FEW MONTHS ago of my house, everyone on the [[Internet]]...

''[Chris jumps up and suddenly begins to scream and yell in a fit of childish rage, flapping his arms as he puts louder emphasis on certain words, sounding somewhat similar to Gilbert Gottfried]''

{{RageQuote|[[Borb|MY MOTHER]] '''[[Borb|AND MY FATHER]]''' ARE '''ANGRY''' AT ME!}}

'''THEY'RE BLAMING''' IT AT ME! '''IT'S MY FAULT, I ADMIT IT!''' IT'S MY FAULT; I WANT EVERYTHING A'''''BOUT MY HOUSE'''''

{{RageQuote|'''''OFF! THE! INTERNET!'''''}}

''[Chris starts gesticulating ridiculously]'' I'll send in detectives! I'll send in [[police]]! I'll send in EVERYTHING IN MY {{RageQuote|'''[[POWER]]!'''}}

''[There is a noticeable jump-cut, as a result of a removed scene in which Bob enters and speaks with Chris. Chris's glasses are back on his face and the door is left open from when [[Bob Walks In|Bob walked in]]. This scene is included in the uncut version below]''

So yeah, please, get everything off the Internet...

{{RageQuote|Now, NOW, NOW, ''NOW, NOW,'' '''''NOW!'''''}}

''[Chris stomps the ground as he yells, the camera [[Obesity|noticeably shakes]]. He quickly calms down, then holds up the peace sign]''

[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse]] the [[trolls]], peace to everyone else.

==Uncut==
{{quote|Shut that goddamn thing off!|Bob Chandler, addressing his old foe: that ''goddamn Internet''}}

An uncut version entitled '''ECV 00192''' was posted by Vivian on 29 August 2009, where Bob walks in and scolds Chris. This is the second and last time we see Bob showing any kind of parental authority over Chris. In [[Mailbag 25]], Chris revealed that he lied to his father, telling him that he had gotten the house videos off of the Internet.

We also learn the real reason why Chris's parents are concerned about the tour videos: the fear that the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] will discover the squalor of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler Household]] and condemn it. Unsurprisingly, in typical CWC fashion, [[Chris and remorse|Chris doesn't seem to care about that]] and is only concerned that he got in trouble with his parents.

Also noteworthy is the fact that this marks the first Chris video explicitly featuring another living, breathing person (as opposed to [[Kimmi|an inflatable person, made of plastic]]).

===Video===
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = ECV 00192
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ty4bLUifoaw}}
| stardate = 29 [[August 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = THAT IS MY HOUSE
| next = [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
''[The video begins as above, but at 0:28, [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] opens the door and walks in]''

'''Chris''': ...THAT--GET IT '''OFF''' THE INNERNET...

'''Bob''': Listen-to-me! [''muffled by Chris's "OFF THE INTERNET!"''] Listen to me.

'''Chris''': ''[his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|expression changes rapidly]] and slowly turns to face Bob]'' Yes...

'''Bob''': Listen to '''ME'''.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Bob''': Shut that goddamn thing off!

''[Chris [[sigh]]s and attempts to turn off his [[PS3|PSEye]], but fails to realize that it's still recording the conversation. Bob walks over to him]''

'''Bob''': I don't care what you do. ''[pointing at PSEye]'' You get all that stuff off of there. Tonight.

'''Chris''': I'm working on it. ''[slaps hands to his side]''

'''Bob''': Go work on it! ''[points to the door, instructing Chris to go to the computer downstairs]''

'''Chris''': I am workin--

'''Bob''': Do you ''realize''...? Do. You. '''Realize''' something? Let me tell you: If the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County]...sees those videos...that you put on the damn internet...they could condemn our house, and we would have to move out of it...?

'''Chris''':'' [sighs]'' I see.

'''Bob''': You go get that goddamn stuff off of there and fast!

'''Chris''': I'm WORKING on it! I was making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "Get the images off of the Internet". Y'know it's not...

'''Bob''': Nooo...

'''Chris''': Its—It's, ahh, ''out of my control'' ''[flails arms]''

'''Bob''': No, '''you''' get 'em off.

'''Chris''': It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! ''I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO''--

'''Bob''': Yooou loaded them up there, you unload 'em!

'''Chris''': I'm working on it!

'''Bob''': Go do ''it!''

'''Chris''': ''I AM WORK'-- I AM DOIN' IT... I'M STARTIN'...

'''Bob''': GGet in ''here'' and do ''it''!

'''Chris''': I--''[sputters]''

'''Bob''': ''[walks out of the room]'' I'll be up all night with you if ''I have to''. You won't get any sleep until that stuff's off.

'''Chris''': I'll working on it!

'''Bob''': ''[from outside]'' Git in there and staart!

'''Chris''': ''III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[Trolls|E'RRYBODY]], [[True and Loyal Fanbase|IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'-- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!'--'

'''Bob''': ''[interrupting]'' Listennn,

'''Chris''': --about our house!

'''Bob''': I don't wanna get kicked outta my house. By the Health Department. And what you just did was stick a knife in our back, and kill us! ''[Bob exits the room again]''

'''Chris''': Aw'right... lemme just...

'''Bob''': Get that stuff OFFA THERE...

'''Chris''': '''I'M ''WOORK'''''--

'''Bob''': ...and get it offa there fast!

'''Chris''': I'm WORKIN' on it! I'm ''WORKIN' '' on it!'' [Chris appears to resume recording footage for his video]''

''[Cut footage ends at 2:11, continuing into NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOWWWWW]''

==The Greene County Health Department responds==
In addition to creating many, many mirrors of the videos Bob wanted cut down, some more intrepid viewers actually did contact the Greene County Health Department. The Health Department did respond (3 weeks later) to one such letter, although they seemed indifferent and stated the Chandler's decision to live in a garbage house full of dirty dishes and animal feces was part of their inalienable rights as guaranteed by the US Constitution:

{{quotebox|Dear Bob S:

Thank you for your interest in this situation. The challenge is to
clarify if the conditions at this residence are a risk to the public's
health or if they are personal risks accepted by the individuals that
choose to live there.

Public Health relates to the general health of a community. When
diseases can be transmitted from person to person or when the health
risk affects the community, regulations have normally been enacted to
address these public health threats. Even so, the individual's right to
choose is protected by the Constitution. We know smoking greatly
increases the risk of cancer and heart disease, yet individuals continue
to choose to smoke. Regulations are in place to minimize public exposure
to contaminated or mishandled foods, yet some individuals still choose
to eat raw hamburger. In the case you've brought to our attention, the
"deplorable conditions" you refer to appear to be confined to the
individual residence and are the choice of those that live there. They
do not appear to effect the health of the community. There are no
specific health regulations that address individual choices in private
living conditions.

We have contacted the building official to see if any building, zoning
of fire prevention laws apply and were informed that they did not. We
also contacted the Greene County Attorney to see if he knew of any
County ordinances that would be applicable. He did not know of any. We
also contacted adult protective services to make sure they are aware of
the situation.

Please contact me if I can be of further assistance.

Jeffrey T. McDaniel 
Environmental Health Manager 
[http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/thomasjefferson/ Thomas Jefferson Health District]}}

This raises the question of whether Chris is properly informed about the risks to his health and all of his rights as a disabled person (especially the right to [[Chris and psychology|humane psychiatric treatment]] that would help him live on his own), although this probably isn't a matter for the Health Department.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "That's My House!" - Ca. 1912 Silent Film Starring Christian and Robert Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|csQWQzpfDBc}}
| stardate = 27 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tregnier279 tregnier279]
| subject =
| type = Remix
| info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok (Presented to You by Christian Weston Chandler)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1iwZp-j170Y}}
| stardate = 09 [[January 2010]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject =
| type = Remix to "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
| info = Arguably the most popular fan video of them all
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (YTPMV) THAT IS MY GENTLEMENTLEMEN
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dFUikkbOf40}}
| stardate = 25 [[April 2011]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RainingMetal?feature=mhum RainingMetal]
| subject =
| type = YouTube Poop Music Video
}}

==See also==
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]
*[[Tour of Chris's House]]
*[[Chris and negotiation]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]|nextlink=[[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]|}}

{{Troll Videos}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-27]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2015-11-19T19:48:28Z

Burmy:

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. It is notably sung over an instrumental version of "Open Your Heart" by Sons of Angels (later re-named Crush 40)--a major step-up for normal Chris fare, as this way he doesn't have to compete with lyrics. Regardless, though, he continues to sing poorly, as usual.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|uKjW9TpKrSs}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}
===Lyrics===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Thrill of the Feel|Open Your Heart]]" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
[''inaudible''] with you!

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]]! [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]! 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock you! 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian ''Chandler!'']]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
[''inaudible''] all day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|acsbVnZ-neU}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2015-11-19T19:47:53Z

Burmy: /* Covers */

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]", featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7lLEEU4kxaA}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm loc'd in [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang--|trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... It's growing on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

==Link to Download==
* [http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2015-11-19T19:45:44Z

Burmy:

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]", featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7lLEEU4kxaA}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm loc'd in [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang--|trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... It's growing on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>
==Link to Download==
* [http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova

2015-11-19T19:28:30Z

Burmy:

"'''La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova'''" ("[[Chris's kitchen|The kitchen]] in [[Love Quest|Casanova]]'s house") is the fifth track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. It is sung over the Spanish version of Ricky Martin's "[[Fapcup|The Cup of Life]]".

More than anything else, this song demonstrates Chris's ''total mastery'' of [[Spanish]].

It should also be noted that the real-life [[Wikipedia:Giacomo Casanova|Giacomo Casanova]] was Venetian, not Spanish; Chris probably mistook him for Spanish because his name resembles ''casa nueva'', Spanish for "new house."

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-EDf5J2xP-A}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Other|[[Spanish]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]
| next = [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]
}}

===Lyrics===

[''sung over [[Homos|Ricky Martin's]] "''[[Wikipedia:The Cup of Life (Ricky Martin song)|La Copa de La Vida]]''"'']

¡Casanova! 
¡Casanova! 
¡Casanova! 

¡Estamos en la cocina! 
¡En la casa de Casanova! 
¡Estamos divertido, sí! [?] 
¡Bailamos con la música! 

¡Hay muchas chicas y niñas aquí 
En la casa! 

¡Casanova está muy feliz 
Porque está hacienda cosas calientes! 

¡Hace calor! ¡Hace calor! 
¡Casanova! 

Here we go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 
Go, go, go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Esta noche… 
Esta noche sera 
Diversión! [?] 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Uno, dos, tres! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 
Un, deux, trois! 
¡Olé, olé olé! 

Because he 
Is Casanova! 
Go, go, go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Olé, olé! (¡Olé, olé!) [repeat to end] 

¡Casanova!

===Translation===

Casanova! 
Casanova! 
Casanova! 

We're in the kitchen! 
In Casanova’s house! 
We’re having fun, yes! 
We’re dancing with the music! 

[[Pedofork|There are lots of girls and girls here]] 
In the house! 

Casanova is very happy 
[[Chris and sex|Because he’s doing hot things!]] 

It's hot! It's hot! 
Casanova! 

Here we go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 
Go, go, go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

This night… 
This night will be 
Fun! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

One, two, three! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 
''Un, deux, trois!'' 
''¡Olé, olé olé!'' 

Because he 
Is Casanova! 
Go, go, go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

''¡Olé, olé!'' (''¡Olé, olé!'') [repeat to end] 

Casanova!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yH2RcOBIUbc}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

I Got A Fish

2015-11-19T19:24:54Z

Burmy: /* Fan videos */

{{quote|Welcome to the David Lynch movie of your nightmares. | WBCN, hitting the nail on the head.}}

'''I Got A Fish''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] to [[YouTube]] on 27 [[April 2009]]. In this video, Chris jog-dances in place while a stupid song full of [[random-access humor]] that he made up plays in the background. Despite his claims, he does not actually have a fish. Also, this is probably the closest that Chris has ever come to carrying a tune.

The video is one of the few cases where the mainstream [[Chris in the media|''media'']] [[Toucher and Rich Segment|got in]] [[For G4s Web Soup|on it]].

The audio file included with the [[Power]] series of videos is a modified version of this song, but with the word "fish" replaced with "[[dick]]".

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I Got A Fish
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6DDOeNMWBQk}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]
| next = [[Power]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Tardfish.png|thumb|right|A true sturgeon with rage.]]

[''song is delivered via voice-over as Chris mutely jog-dances in place holding a [[PS3]] controller'']

:I got a fish!
:Would ya like to make a wish?

:I got a fish!
:Would ya like to make a wish?

:I got a ''fiiiiiiiiish!'' [''spreads arms wide to accompany wobbly falsetto'']
:Would ya like to make a ''wish?'' [''swings arm around and turns off camera with grace'']

== Fan videos ==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = I got a fish! Animated
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jxlY0uvYzQE}}
| stardate = 14 [[June 2011]]
| maker = festivus31
| subject =
| type = Animation
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = I Got A Fish cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wqXFPXFreoY}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = I Got A Fish
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]|nextlink=[[Power]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]

I Got A Fish

2015-11-19T19:24:29Z

Burmy:

{{quote|Welcome to the David Lynch movie of your nightmares. | WBCN, hitting the nail on the head.}}

'''I Got A Fish''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] to [[YouTube]] on 27 [[April 2009]]. In this video, Chris jog-dances in place while a stupid song full of [[random-access humor]] that he made up plays in the background. Despite his claims, he does not actually have a fish. Also, this is probably the closest that Chris has ever come to carrying a tune.

The video is one of the few cases where the mainstream [[Chris in the media|''media'']] [[Toucher and Rich Segment|got in]] [[For G4s Web Soup|on it]].

The audio file included with the [[Power]] series of videos is a modified version of this song, but with the word "fish" replaced with "[[dick]]".

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I Got A Fish
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6DDOeNMWBQk}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]
| next = [[Power]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Tardfish.png|thumb|right|A true sturgeon with rage.]]

[''song is delivered via voice-over as Chris mutely jog-dances in place holding a [[PS3]] controller'']

:I got a fish!
:Would ya like to make a wish?

:I got a fish!
:Would ya like to make a wish?

:I got a ''fiiiiiiiiish!'' [''spreads arms wide to accompany wobbly falsetto'']
:Would ya like to make a ''wish?'' [''swings arm around and turns off camera with grace'']

== Fan videos ==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = I got a fish! Animated
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jxlY0uvYzQE}}
| stardate = 14 [[June 2011]]
| maker = festivus31
| subject =
| type = Animation
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = I Got A Fish cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wqXFPXFreoY}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = I Got A Fish
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]].
}}

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]|nextlink=[[Power]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]

June 2015

2015-06-26T18:39:52Z

Burmy: /* Events of June */

{{Ongoing}}
{{quote|Maybe, but only if we give Sonichu blue arms, three scarves, and ultimately just redesign him as Big the Cat.|Chris being mocked by [[Sonic the Hedgehog|his hero]] on [[Twitter]]}}
[[File:CallMeChristine.jpg|thumb|right|On '''7 June 2015''', Chris advises you call him Chris''tine''.]]

'''June''' is the 6th month of '''[[2015]]'''. [[Chris]]'s ''next'' court date took place on 11 June, and got delayed '''yet again''' to 23 [[July 2015|July]]. This month commences the start of summer, which Chris'll most likely spend playing [[vidya]] and loitering at the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]], provided that he doesn't get sentenced. It is also the month that scientists discover the [[Sonichu 10|"homo gene."]] It is also the month when same sex marriage was legalized nationwide. To the joy of Chris.

==Events of June==
* 3 June - Chris once again pesters his [[fans]] on [[Facebook]] to get [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] into ''Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and [[Nintendo]] [[3DS]]'', and also announces that he has more [[Sonichu Amiibo]] made.
* 3 June - Chris also shows (once again) his disapproval for ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* 4 June - Chris posts a photo to Facebook revealing that a slip of his [[pocket knife]] resulted in a bad cut and a trip to the emergency room.
* 6 June - Chris yet again pesters his [[white knights]] to get Sonichu in ''Super Smash Bros.''
* 7 June - Chris discovers the trend of transwomen making [[parody]] ''Vanity Fair'' magazine covers of themselves, and as such creates his own.
* 8 June - Chris changes his [[voicemail]].
* 9 June - The next ''[[Sonic Boom]]'' game is announced. Chris [[Chris and anger|disapproves]] and even [[Death threats|threatens]] [[Sega]] producer [[Omar Woodley]].
* 9 June - Chris shares a link to an article that says social media should stop [[Clyde Cash the kid video|cyberbullying]].
* 9 June - Chris once again shows no apologetic shame for [[26 December 2014]], and purchases a blue-armed Sonic doll [[Chris and money|just to tear its arms off]].
* 10 June - Chris's white knights refuse to help him this time with his hatred of blue arms. [[Kim Wilson]] and Mellanie Chafe say that he could just cover the blue arms with cream-colored felt, and that attacking people with Mace is assault. Kim also mockingly says "Oh wow, where'd you get that plush? Did you steal it?"
* 10 June - [[Sega]] acknowledges Sonichu and Chris's existence for the [[Chris in the media#Sega Acknowledges Sonichu|second time]], and mocks his reaction to [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic having blue arms]].<ref>https://archive.is/eWfjQ</ref>
* 10 June - Chris attends the LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night event in [[Charlottesville]].
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''. Chris was said to have been uncharacteristically normal and sociable.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERK]] body.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 13 June - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[My Little Pony|Derpy Hooves]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins", and posts a screenshot of her scene in the ''MLP:FiM'' episode "Slice of Life" that is unbelievably [[Chris and cinematography|overexposed]]. He also shows his complete unwillingness to at least add some spoiler tags.
* 15 June - Chris posts a picture of 2 lizards in amplexus (which is against [[Facebook]] rules even though it got past the radar) and rambles on about his [[tomgirl]] status.
* 17 June - Chris sells a "1990 American Silver Eagle .999 Silver 1oz Dollar Coin" on [[eBay]].
* 20 June - Chris joins a Legit Lady Gamers [[contest]].
* 21 June - [[Father]]'s Day.
* 23 June - Chris creates a new [[Ebay]] account pristinechristine1982, selling more [[autographed photos]] of [[Chris and his ego|himself]].
* 23 June - Chris shares a photo to avoid catching the Derpies.
* 23 June - Chris announces on Facebook that new [[Medallion|Sonichu medallions]] shall be listed next month.
* 23 June - Chris shares a video called "Geraldine", about a transgender woman.
* 24 June - Chris shares a picture depicting emotions people feel but can't explain, most of which are taken from the very underrated Dictionary of Obscure Emotions. One of them happens to be "Lachesism", the desire to be struck by disaster--the examples of that include "to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a [[fire]]".
* 26 June - Chris celebrates the Supreme Court's decision that [[Homos|gay]] marriage was legal in all 50 states...before promptly going on about his "sweetheart search" and about how he's always identified as a woman inside.
* 26 June - Chris shares a meme generalizing people who share his [[Heterochromia|hererochromia]].
* 30 June - [[Club Nintendo]] will shut down in America.

==References==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}

Christmas

2015-04-27T22:09:56Z

Burmy: /* Video */

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:MerryCWCmas.jpg|right|thumb|Merry C-Mas to all the [[troll]]s, [[JERKS]], [[homos]], [[niggos]] and [[jerkop]]s out there!]]
[[File:SonichuChristmas.jpg|right|thumb|Every Christmas is a Sonichu Christmas.]]
'''Christmas''', or as [[Chris]] sometimes [[CWC-isms|idiotically calls it]], '''C-Mas''',<ref>[[Sonichu's News Dash]]</ref> is one of our hero's favorite of all holidays. He always celebrates it at [[14 Branchland Court|home]] with his family, and often mentions it in his comics and videos.

==Christmas in the Chandler family==
[[Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|right|thumb|Bob and lil' Chris remembering Jesus.]]
{{quote|We celebrate like normal; a decorated tree, get-together, remembering [[Jesus]] and all.|ChrisChanSonichu, [[Mailbag 2#Holidays with the Chandlers|Mailbag #2]].}}

Despite Chris's insistence that Christmas is a time for family, his atheist half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] does not take part in the traditional Chandler family celebrations, instead staying with his wife's family in California.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

As evidenced by videos like [[100 2281]] and [[Tour of Chris's House]], the Chandlers keep a Christmas tree and decorations in their [[kitchen]] year-round because they are too lazy to change it.

[[File:CWCmasStockings.jpg|right|thumb|The stockings were hung from the chimney with care.]]

{{Incomplete}}

==Santa Claus'''''e''''' [sic]==
[[Image:ChrisSanta.jpg|right|thumb|Chris wishes he were as much of a man as Mr. "Clause" is.]]
{{quote|[2008-12-15 07::03:20] EXKeine: Christmas is coming up, so... do you believe in Santa Claus? [2008-12-15 07::03:40] ChrisChanSonichu: yep.|Chris on Santa Clause [sic], [[IRC (15 December 2008)]].}}
{{quote|It’s been over a week since my [[PVCC|SUSPENSION]]; I am [[Stress|DEPRESSED]], [[Love Quest|LONELY]], SAD and BORED! I have [[Attraction Location|nowhere to go]] to attract a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free woman]]. I’ll be writing to Santa Clause [sic] this year, hoping that will bring me one. (8(|[[CWC's Diary]] for September 26, 2004, Chris acting like the 22-year-old grown-up man he is.}}
{{quote|Or for— since it's Christmas time, let's make like I'm Mister— yo' Misses Claus. I have a...good ole heat, 'cuz I took...a bit o'...[[Chris and sex|Viagra]]. Bam, ba-bam, bam, ho, ho-OH!|Chris RPing as The Man, [[iPods Down and Listen Up]].}}
{{quote|I did not say that I was taking Viagra; I was stating that in that role-play, Santa would be taking that.|Chris, [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag #20]], on Kris Kringle's erectile dysfunction.}}

"Santa Clause" [[Chris and English|[sic]]] (not to be confused with [[wikipedia:The Santa Clause|the Tim Allen movie that uses this spelling]]) is a legendary character associated with Christmas, whom many Western children believe in.

According to surveys, most of these same children stop believing in Santa around the age of four, often when they find out it was actually [[Bob Chandler|their father]] with a [[Rollin' and Trollin'|fake beard]]. However, Chris claims that he still believes in "Santa Clause" [sic], despite being 33. He even put Santa's name on his [[JERKS#The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate|List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate]], which may imply that he: a) believes "Santa Clause" [sic] is real, b) believes Santa is a manly male man capable of landing himself a girlfriend (see also the [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag quote]] above). Also worth of note is the fact that Chris chose to put Santa's name on the list before [[God]] and [[Jesus]]...because, come on, these two [[JERKS]] never brought him even the tiniest presents!

Of course, all this doesn't necessarily mean that Chris actually ''does'' believe in Santa. Chris probably maintains this line because he ''wants'' to believe it and maintain memories of the happy Christmases of his childhood. For Chris, who still plays with da [[Lego]]s, professing a belief in Santa is "cute" and shows that he is "young at heart", one of his favorite traits.

In a 2010 [[Jackie e-mails Part 1|e-mail exchange]] with a woman, Chris stated that he [[Honor roll|learned]] Santa wasn't real around age fifteen or sixteen, but finally "gave up on him" at 24 after he failed to bring him a girlfriend for the third year in a row.

==Presents Chris gives, wishes for, and receives==
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '95]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '96]]
{{quote|My father likes Brach's Maple Nut Goodies, and my mother likes chocolate, so some edible treats of that variety is [[Obesity|a good suggestion]].|[[Mailbag 6#For the man who has everything|Mailbag #6]], on what he planned to give his parents for Christmas, 2009.}}

==Christmas-related songs and merch==

Chris also got the name of his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]] from singing a 1950's Christmas song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, which actually [[Autism|says a lot about Chris]].

He also seems to have an affinity for the song "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]", as he raged like an idiot because the word [[homos|gay]] should only be used in context of "happy", as in the song.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

==Other confessions==
Being the totally sensitive and tolerant person he is, Chris in his ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Christmas special (the [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|text]] and [[Sonichu 11|comic]] versions) mentions the ways [[CWCville]] citizens of different faiths (that is, "Jewish folk", Buddhists, possibly [[Niggos|black people]], and "a few humbuggers") celebrate their own wacky versions of Christmas.

===Haunaka/Chaunaka/Konica/Chanukkah [sic/sic/sic/sic]===
{{quote|Cera continues with a question, holding a cookie in a zip-loc bag, "I've invited Kevin too; do you think he'll like this candle-shaped cookie I made for him? He told me he was Jewish, and I thought it would be appropriate." Rosechu replies, "I think he'll love it. You have made it really special with the white frosting for the wax and the yellow for the flame. Uh, what kind of cookie was it again?" "Vanilla", replies Cera, "I felt it best to keep it neutral, in case he was allergic to the peanut butter or chocolate." "Very Smart," says Rosechu with a smile, exchanging a high-five with Cera.|''[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]'', Act I}}

"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Haunaka]]"/"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Chaunaka]]"/"[[Holiday Greetings|Konica]]"/"[[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|Chanukkah]]"/whatever, is a holiday [[CWCville]] "Jewish folk" celebrate while most other citizens celebrate Christmas. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" [sic] Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah, called a "Hanukkiah", has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. This is another small example of Chris's naivety as a cookie of any shape would have likely been appreciated. That Cerah couldn't choose a more obvious Hanukkah symbol (such as a Menorah or a dreidel) over a ''generic candle'' shows that Cerah has extremely poor knowledge of even the most basic of Jewish traditions known in the Gentile world.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating ''fried'' foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you - he just wanted to make sure that the cookie was hypoallergenic.

In [[IRC (22 December 2008)]] Chris listed "Haunaka" and "Chaunaka" as two different holidays, probably belonging to different religions. In his [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]], he does nearly the same thing, saying "happy Hanukkah, Chanukkah, all the other holidays to everybody of other religions".

===Jolly Buddah [sic]===

{{quote|Christmas Trees are abound most everywhere: in the homes of the townfolk, [[CWCville Mall|in the stores]], [[CWCville Mayoral Office|in the offices]], and the biggest one in the center of [[McIntire Park|CWC-Central Park]]. Some have Menorah Candles, or even a Jolly Buddah [sic].|[[Sonichu 11|A Sonichu Christmas]] (the comic version)}}
{{quote|All the churches are full with all the believers, be they Christians, Jewish folk, Buddhists, and such.|[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]] (the text version)}}

From what we know, Buddhism is one of the religions Chris tolerates, and so he sometimes mentions it as a display of his "religious sensitivity". However, he probably doesn't know jack shit about Buddhism, and assumes that since Buddhists are all "good-hearted believers", they undoubtedly should celebrate Christmas in some way! So, in [[CWCville]], Buddhists celebrate their Buddhist Christmas by going to their Buddhist churches on starting December 12, and having a "Jolly Buddah" instead of a Christmas Tree.

By coincidence, Christmas is actually a popular holiday in some primarily Buddhist countries (such as [[anime|Japan]]). However, it's rare for celebrators to give the time special religious significance specific to their religion. Similar to how Halloween is celebrated in America based solely on the customs with practically no emphasis on the religious practices that started the holiday, so too do many Buddhists enjoy Christmas just as an excuse to put up lights and give each other gifts.

===Kawanza [sic]===

Little is known of what Chris thinks about [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|"Kawanza"]] [sic] and the related rituals, except that he [[IRC (22 December 2008)|once]] congratulated his [[trolls]] with this holiday (among others), misspelling its name in the process.

===Other faiths===

Chris doesn't say (or care, probably), what Muslims, Orthodox Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Baha'is or Atheists do in CWCville on Christmas Day. Probably they're the "few humbuggers" whom Chris derides for not celebrating C-mas/Haunaka/Kawanza/whatever those wacky Buddhists celebrate.

==Notable Christmases in Chris's life==

===1989 or 1992===
[[Image:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|GodBear, directing his Chorus of AngelBears]]

On Christmas Day, 1992 (other sources claim it happened in [[1989]]), Chris got probably the most dumbfounding present in his whole life, and from [[Christopher's name change|GodBear]] himself, no less. While strolling with his father through the Regency Square Mall, Christopher, as he was called at the time, encountered a band of bears playing some Christmas songs. Chris talked to the conductor, and being half-deaf from the cacophonic music they played, the man operating the bear mistakenly named him "Christian".

From that point on, Chris insisted his name was Christian, not Christopher, and a few months later [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|got his name legally changed to "Christian"]].

===2003===
A comment made by Chris in a [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 2|video he shot on Christmas Day of 2004]] indicate that he met [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] on the Christmas Day of last year.

===[[2004]]===

{{quote|[[Stress sigh|[Chris sighs] ]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler — by the way, you can [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|call my Chris]] in public—and... thank you.|Emo Chris, [[So Need a Cute Girl]].}}
{{quote|I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to share my love, oh. I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to kiss under the mistletoe.|Chris, the poetic [[geinus]].}}

This Christmas, Chris expected to get: a) a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] from "Santa Clause" [sic], b) an [[Chris and remorse|apology]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Not surprisingly, he didn't get either, and became [[Stress|depressed]]. He recorded [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004|a whiny video]] about [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]].

Earlier in December, he dedicated two different songs to the first of these two wishes: [[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]] (written on December 4) and [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]] (recorded on Christmas 20). The same day as the latter, Chris also recorded another song, the famous [[So Need a Cute Girl]], which was probably dedicated to the same thing.

If "Santa Clause" [sic] really exists, this proves that he's a major [[JERK]], or that he doesn't tie up girls and leave them under trees as gifts for horny manchildren.

====Video====
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LON_pxcl63M}}
| stardate = 25 [[December 2004]]
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need A Cute Girl Music Video]]
| next = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 2}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|oQW6gcfuKv8}}
| stardate = 25 [[December 2004]]
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = Chandler Family Christmas 2004 part 1
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]}}

===[[2005]]===
[[Image:0790-CMas05-5.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas 2k5]]
{{quote|Although I really don't mean to be cold but please don't try and advance kissing on me please. The truth is I don't want a boyfriend because I don't desire and idolize boys like other girls. I enjoy being indepentant. So you see what I mean? It's certainly nothing personal towards you. I'm just a girl who doesn't care about loving guys. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them though.|[[Megan]] on 20 December 2005, trying to be diplomatic with Chris.}}

Chris was probably [[stress]]ed as hell, because just a few days before his [[gal-pal]] and attempted [[sweetheart]] [[Megan Schroeder]] told him she doesn't like him [[Rape|trying to kiss her]], and that she [[Homo|doesn't want to have a boyfriend at all]]. Just to add insult to injury, "Santa Clause" [sic] brought him a shitty pirate ripoff instead of a genuine Lego set that year. No boyfriend-free girl under the tree this year either.

<center><gallery>
Image:077-StarOnTree.jpg
Image:078-StarFront.jpg
Image:079-StarBack.jpg
</gallery></center>

===[[2007]]===
[[Image:Fakeout-makeout2.jpg|right|thumb|Chris and Kimmi.]]

On December 26, Chris bought himself [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|a sex doll]] called [[Kimmi]], who would become a rival to his long-time [[Sex toys|artificial heartsweet]] [[Officer Nasty]], on [[Adamandeve.com]]. Probably because "Santa Clause" [sic] didn't bring him one this year, either.

To compliment the sex doll, Chris also bought a "Vintage XXX Cartoons DVD/CD", and received "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and "Playboy Magazine Digital Edition DVD/CD" for free. The fact that Chris specifically sought something as bizarre as vintage porn cartoons to [[mass debating|fap]] his crooked [[duck]] to, for some reason, sits fine with all the other weird aspects of his twisted personality.

However, being unsatisfied with fantasizing about naked women drawn in the 1960s, Chris went to Adamandeve.com again soon after New Year's Day, and purchased some more XXX-rated Holiday Gifts for himself. These include: a "2008 Adam & Eve Calendar", a "[[Card games|Romance Roulette Card Game]]" (which Chris probably plays as [[Virgin with Rage|solitaire]]), and, the strangest one of the bunch, a "Carmen Boob Mousepad", whatever that is. He also got some free items as well, namely a "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and, most notably, the infamous "Anal Love Beads", which would become a popular theme for [[trolling]] Chris in the ensuing year.

===[[2008]]===

Chris got "a couple of [[DVD]]s, ''Bee Movie'' on Blu-Ray, [[Obesity|assorted chocolates]] and [[Bob Walks In|a calming family moment]]" ([[IRC (28 December 2008)]]); in Chris's words, it was "simple, nothing extravagant". Bob outdid himself with a gift to [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] overshadowing Sonichu in over-the-top symbolism. "He gave her an arranged box of ornaments, with tags attached to them; each one representing her blessings; three angels, me, dad and my half-bro, Cole. Ones for [[Ruckersville]], Red Oak, [[Chandler Cats|our cats]], and one for her." (Chris, on [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]).

===[[2009]]===

Chris took the time to send [[Kill De Jack|warm wishes]] to a [[Jack Thaddeus|dear friend]]. He also received chocolate and [[video games]] from [[Mailbag 24|his family]].

===[[2010]]===

Not much is known of how Chris spent Christmas this years. All that we know for sure is that for this Christmas he asked for all websites he sees as defamatory against him, such as the CWCki and [[ED]], to disappear.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He bought a ton of games in [[January 2011]], so he probably got PSN vouchers.

===[[2011]]===

Due to [[28 October 2011|Chris' decision to trespass at The Game Place and Barb's decision to assault an officer]], Chris's Christmas in 2011 was spent amid court appearances and the fear of potentially going to jail. It was also Chris's first Christmas sans-Bob.

===[[2012]]===
It's not known what Chris did, but he uploaded Bob's jazz marathon a few days beforehand.
{{Quote|I offer for all the complete set of songs and intros from the 1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon that my father hosted and played music of Jugs, Kazzoos and Washboards, Blues and Boogie-Woogie, plus three more hours of good jazz that was recorded with it on the original 6 Hour VHS.
http://rapidshare.com/files/3812165045/1990%20WTJU%20Jazz%20Marathon.zip
Merry Christmas.|[[Facebook]], 20 [[December 2012]]}}

On the 21st, he watched [[Wikipedia:2012 (film)|''2012'']] and thanked God and Jesus that the [[Wikipedia:2012 phenomenon|world didn't end]], which must have brightened up his Christmas.

A few days after Chris seemed miserable, saying ''"I am back to the same old feelings; lonely, depressed, etc. makes me almost wish the world had ended, so I wouldn't have to continue feeling the pain. I desperately require my true (future) Sweetheart-to-be AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN..."''<ref>[[2013 Imgur Leak]]</ref> Apparently again Santa didn't bring him a pretty girlfriend.

===[[2013]]===

Nothing but a few PS3 games. No Life Upgrade Upgrade and still no sweetheart from the ground-up.

===[[2014]]===

Chris requested much-needed [[Lego]] sets, and even suggested "prank gifts" for [[trolls]] to send him. The day after Christmas, however, Chris would go to a local [[GameStop]], attempt to deface a ''Sonic Boom'' display, and try to mace an employee before getting arrested...again. Whether or not Chris's behavior is the result of a disappointing Christmas gift turnout is currently unknown.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*"[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"
*"[[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]]"
*[[Holiday Greetings]]
*"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]"
*[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
*[[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|A Very ''Asperchu'' Christmas]]
*[[Halloween]]
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2015-04-25T06:37:11Z

Burmy: /* Fan videos */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]], if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you [[Dreams|Dream]] Smashing Son of a B****!|[[PSN blogs]]}}

[[File:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest]]

In [[2007|June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment [[United States of America|America]] (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP of Fail|PSPs]] and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be overstated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==The Original Version==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|nJ3o3kQZWm8}}</center>

==Chris's Version: "Master Onion A-La Mode"==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cEmM4JKZK8I}}
| stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Stackhouse|text}}
| shirt = {{OrangeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Soul Calibur#Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC is Angry]]
}}

To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the "Chop Chop Master Onion Rap". Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not having bothered to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared? Oddly, he peppers the video with various video effects that seem to come from the [[PSEye]] program EyeCreate, including a hilarious caption of "Birthday Boy" popping up during when Chris first does the "duck and turn" part of the song. It could be assumed that Chris did so to make his video look 'nice', but in the end it made it turn into laughing material. Towards the end of the video, Chris can be seen [[Chris and health|struggling to breathe]] from close to three minutes of extremely mild exercise. Also, at one point, a fire effect is shown at the bottom of the screen. [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Make of that what you will]].

{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper [''sic''] the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more)}}

=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]]!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and go with him now.
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

[[CWC Fighter|Kick! Punch!]] It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get [[Rocky Shoemaker|rocky]],
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a [[Muscle bra|tit]]-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

[[Guitar Hero]] on [[PlayStation 3]]
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem>

==Campaign==
[[File:Stink Lines by Archwig.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation]]

Chris's video made it into the top 10, giving him just a small amount of luck as the contest was rather obscure (at the time) and a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]]. Chris asked for votes from many people:

* At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving it over. Obviously, no one voted.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's history and personality]]</ref>
* Chris badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Cole ended up never voting because either Chris did not care about Cole's plight, or he simply was just that lazy.
* Chris also asked Susan Hannifan,<ref>[[Chris emails 2007#July]]</ref> a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] guidance counselor to whom Chris showed a disrespectful attitude in the past.<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004]]</ref>
* Chris wrote ads on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]], [[CWC's Pokésite 2]], [[MySpace]], [[PSN blogs|PSN]], his [[Hot Wheels]] site, and his Bionicle site.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris wishes her a happy birthday, Megan still in Kentucky, Chris whores himself for votes]]</ref>

Chris also took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts. On the day before voting ended, he posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].{{clear}}

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, unsurprisingly, wrong.]]

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Being the narcissist manchild he is, Chris has bore a grudge against him for a long time, as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video is technically [[Wikipedia:A cappella|a cappella]]. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

The irony is Chris actually violated "da" rules by making up bits and pieces of his own lyrics, as seen above. Just about the only logical reason Chris got as far as he did is that the judges had ''never quite seen anything like this before.''

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (It is unknown why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)
{{-}}

==Aftermath==

Infuriated over his loss, Chris sent an angry email to Sony executives on 3 [[August 2007]], blasting them for refusing to award him the Seattle trip.

The email is a whiny and rambling tirade where Chris begs for first prize, because winning the video game contest represented his only opportunity at losing his [[virgin with rage]] status to [[Megan Schroeder]] and giving birth to his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Furthermore, Chris accuses the company of discriminating against autistic individuals, solely for failing to reward them with [[Chris and his Ego|special treatment]]:<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2007#August]]</ref>

{{quote|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[stress sigh|sigh]]*

[[Chris and reality|I had my fantasies]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|having fun with Megan]], taking her to a really extravagent [''sic''] destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the [[Nintendo]] of America company tour, with her, playing [[Guitar Hero]] against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

[[CWC is Sad|Life can be soooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.]]

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( |}}

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against Adam and the other winners, using his time-honored "Kick the Autistic" crutch. When people told him to relax, he told them to shut up: this resulted in a temporary ban from PSN moderators.

The same day, Chris sent another angry e-mail to Sony executives, this time enclosing a systematic dissection of why everyone else's video was in violation of contest rules. Chris evidently [[Chris and hypocrisy|overlooked]] his own questionable ethics of mercilessly vote-stuffing with sockpuppet accounts and begging everyone on his e-mail contact list to vote for him. Sony later replied with a canned response, indicating that his letter was not even read at all and that Chris would need to resort to more drastic measures.

Two days later, Chris would continue his rampage against Adam Stackhouse by creating a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. He went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quote|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
<nowiki>http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms</nowiki>.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the Honest, Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

Chris later escalated his campaign by producing a video titled [[CWC is Angry]]. In the video, Chris prints out a picture of Stackhouse and his sister and uses it as a pellet gun target for two continuous minutes. Although the video was originally intended to be a vindictive show of intimidation, the mood was spoiled by an episode of ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' blaring loudly in the background, not to mention Chris' weapon of choice was a [[Megatron pistol|toy]] [[Transformer]].

During Chris's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost and that she would never have gone with him on the trip even if he had won. Chris finally went on to claim that he had contracted a "[[dirty crapped briefs|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body from slapping together his half-assed contest entry.

Two versions of the video exist. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version ''before'' Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made ''much'' later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to ease his pain from losing the contest--Parappathe''[[Rape|raping]]''<nowiki></nowiki>dog. [[Chris and English|Good job]].<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NadyUs_DWK8}}
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix of "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
}}

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FFI3HKPS Original file]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-06-29]]
[[Category:Megan Saga]]

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2015-04-24T16:11:15Z

Burmy: /* Fan videos */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]], if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you [[Dreams|Dream]] Smashing Son of a B****!|[[PSN blogs]]}}

[[File:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest]]

In [[2007|June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment [[United States of America|America]] (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP of Fail|PSPs]] and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be overstated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==The Original Version==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|nJ3o3kQZWm8}}</center>

==Chris's Version: "Master Onion A-La Mode"==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cEmM4JKZK8I}}
| stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Stackhouse|text}}
| shirt = {{OrangeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Soul Calibur#Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC is Angry]]
}}

To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the "Chop Chop Master Onion Rap". Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not having bothered to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared? Oddly, he peppers the video with various video effects that seem to come from the [[PSEye]] program EyeCreate, including a hilarious caption of "Birthday Boy" popping up during when Chris first does the "duck and turn" part of the song. It could be assumed that Chris did so to make his video look 'nice', but in the end it made it turn into laughing material. Towards the end of the video, Chris can be seen [[Chris and health|struggling to breathe]] from close to three minutes of extremely mild exercise. Also, at one point, a fire effect is shown at the bottom of the screen. [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Make of that what you will]].

{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper [''sic''] the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more)}}

=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]]!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and go with him now.
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

[[CWC Fighter|Kick! Punch!]] It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get [[Rocky Shoemaker|rocky]],
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a [[Muscle bra|tit]]-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

[[Guitar Hero]] on [[PlayStation 3]]
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem>

==Campaign==
[[File:Stink Lines by Archwig.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation]]

Chris's video made it into the top 10, giving him just a small amount of luck as the contest was rather obscure (at the time) and a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]]. Chris asked for votes from many people:

* At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving it over. Obviously, no one voted.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's history and personality]]</ref>
* Chris badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Cole ended up never voting because either Chris did not care about Cole's plight, or he simply was just that lazy.
* Chris also asked Susan Hannifan,<ref>[[Chris emails 2007#July]]</ref> a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] guidance counselor to whom Chris showed a disrespectful attitude in the past.<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004]]</ref>
* Chris wrote ads on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]], [[CWC's Pokésite 2]], [[MySpace]], [[PSN blogs|PSN]], his [[Hot Wheels]] site, and his Bionicle site.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris wishes her a happy birthday, Megan still in Kentucky, Chris whores himself for votes]]</ref>

Chris also took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts. On the day before voting ended, he posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].{{clear}}

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, unsurprisingly, wrong.]]

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Being the narcissist manchild he is, Chris has bore a grudge against him for a long time, as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video is technically [[Wikipedia:A cappella|a cappella]]. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

The irony is Chris actually violated "da" rules by making up bits and pieces of his own lyrics, as seen above. Just about the only logical reason Chris got as far as he did is that the judges had ''never quite seen anything like this before.''

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (It is unknown why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)
{{-}}

==Aftermath==

Infuriated over his loss, Chris sent an angry email to Sony executives on 3 [[August 2007]], blasting them for refusing to award him the Seattle trip.

The email is a whiny and rambling tirade where Chris begs for first prize, because winning the video game contest represented his only opportunity at losing his [[virgin with rage]] status to [[Megan Schroeder]] and giving birth to his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Furthermore, Chris accuses the company of discriminating against autistic individuals, solely for failing to reward them with [[Chris and his Ego|special treatment]]:<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2007#August]]</ref>

{{quote|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[stress sigh|sigh]]*

[[Chris and reality|I had my fantasies]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|having fun with Megan]], taking her to a really extravagent [''sic''] destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the [[Nintendo]] of America company tour, with her, playing [[Guitar Hero]] against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

[[CWC is Sad|Life can be soooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.]]

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( |}}

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against Adam and the other winners, using his time-honored "Kick the Autistic" crutch. When people told him to relax, he told them to shut up: this resulted in a temporary ban from PSN moderators.

The same day, Chris sent another angry e-mail to Sony executives, this time enclosing a systematic dissection of why everyone else's video was in violation of contest rules. Chris evidently [[Chris and hypocrisy|overlooked]] his own questionable ethics of mercilessly vote-stuffing with sockpuppet accounts and begging everyone on his e-mail contact list to vote for him. Sony later replied with a canned response, indicating that his letter was not even read at all and that Chris would need to resort to more drastic measures.

Two days later, Chris would continue his rampage against Adam Stackhouse by creating a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. He went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quote|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
<nowiki>http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms</nowiki>.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the Honest, Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

Chris later escalated his campaign by producing a video titled [[CWC is Angry]]. In the video, Chris prints out a picture of Stackhouse and his sister and uses it as a pellet gun target for two continuous minutes. Although the video was originally intended to be a vindictive show of intimidation, the mood was spoiled by an episode of ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' blaring loudly in the background, not to mention Chris' weapon of choice was a [[Megatron pistol|toy]] [[Transformer]].

During Chris's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost and that she would never have gone with him on the trip even if he had won. Chris finally went on to claim that he had contracted a "[[dirty crapped briefs|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body from slapping together his half-assed contest entry.

Two versions of the video exist. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version ''before'' Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made ''much'' later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to ease his pain from losing the contest--Parappathe''[[Rape|raping]]''<nowiki></nowiki>dog. [[Chris and English|Good job]].<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NadyUs_DWK8}}
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix of "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Ain't Nuthin' Ta F Wit
| video = {{#ev:youtube|A-UAiyzstJE}}
| maker = Burmy
| stardate = 24 [[April 2015]]
| type = Mashup to "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthin' Ta F Wit" by Wu-Tang Clan
}}

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FFI3HKPS Original file]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-06-29]]
[[Category:Megan Saga]]

Main Page

2015-04-02T05:45:01Z

Burmy: OK, April Fool's Day is over now...

{| id="mp-topbanner" style="width:100%; background:#fcfcfc; margin-top:1.2em; border:1px solid #ccc;"
| style="width:100%; color:#000;" |

{| style="width:100%; border:none; background:none;"
| style="width:50%; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;" |
<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em; color:#000;">Welcome to the [[CWCki]]!</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">The [[TRUE and HONEST]] encyclopedia about [[Christian Weston Chandler]].</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">''WHERE NO SHIT IS TOO MINOR!''</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">We currently have [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles...and counting!</div>
|}

| style="width:50%; font-size:100%;" |
[[File:CWCiki Introduction.jpg]]
|}

{| id="mp-tfp" style="margin:4px 0 0 0; width:100%; background:none;"
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:100%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top; color:#000;"|
{| cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background:#faf5ff; color:#000; width:100%"
! <h2 id="mp-tfp-h2" style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em">Quote of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | {{Quote of the now}}
|}
|}

{| id="mp-tfp" style="margin:4px 0 0 0; width:100%; background:none;"
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:100%; border:1px solid #EEDC82; background:#FFE4B5; vertical-align:top; color:#000;"|
{| cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background:#FFE4B5; color:#000; width:100%"
| style="color:#000;" | {{Check this out}}
|}
|}

{| id="mp-upper" style="margin:0 0 0 0; background:none;"
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:55%; border:1px solid #cef2e0; background:#f5fffa; vertical-align:top; color:#000;" |
{| id="mp-left" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#f5fffa;"
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Article of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Article of the now}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">This Day in Christory</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Christory}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-dyk-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cef2e0; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did You Know...</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Did you know}}</div>
|}
| style="border:1px solid transparent;" |

| class="MainPageBG" style="width:45%; border:1px solid #cedff2; background:#f5faff; vertical-align:top;"|
{| id="mp-right" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#f5faff;"
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Da Update</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Da update}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">PSN Tracker</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{PSNTracker}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">CWCki News</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{CWCki News}}</div>
|-
| <h2 id="mp-otd-h2" style="margin:0; background:#cedff2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Improvement Project of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Improvement}}</div>
|}
|}
{| id="mp-lower" style="margin:4px 0 0 0; width:100%; background:none;"

| class="MainPageBG" style="width:55%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top;"|
{| id="mp-left" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#faf5ff;"
| <h2 id="mp-tfp-h2" style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Picture of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Picture of the now}}</div>
|}
| style="border:1px solid transparent;" |

| class="MainPageBG" style="width:45%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top;"|
{| id="mp-right" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="width:100%; vertical-align:top; background:#faf5ff;"
| <h2 id="mp-tfp-h2" style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em">Video of the Now</h2>
|-
| style="color:#000;" | <div>{{Video of the now}}</div>
|}
|}

__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__

[[Category:Special]]

March 2015 Facebook posts

2015-03-22T15:20:37Z

Burmy: /* A Hypathetical List of Party Guests */

The following covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page for [[March 2015]].

==Summary==
* 1 March - Chris lists 23 more medals for sale on [[eBay]] and complains about getting poor feedback for his lackluster production quality on [[Facebook]].
* 1 March - Chris celebrates "Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day".
* 7 March - Chris posts a hypothetical list of guests he would invite to a select party, while stating that he would ignore any responses from them because he'd assume they were trolls.
* 12 March - Chris rejects the societal construct of "prospects," claiming that any individual's chance to succeed is as good as anyone else's.

==Chris's posts==
===More [[Medallions]] on [[eBay]]===
Chris reposts his medallion for sale on eBay, complaining about the [[trolls]] who gave him his "Below Standard" rating. However, he takes it down within a day. [http://www.ebay.com/itm/Recreated-Sonichu-Or-Rosechu-Medallions-Fresh-And-Direct-From-Original-Creator-/191526240892?fb_action_ids=813793852048429&fb_action_types=og.shares Link here.]
{{quotebox|1 March 2015
Here's 23 more medals. My complaint is that in the past, the odd less than five people complained of their medals arriving as "shoody"; that is why my Seller status is Below Standard. Each Medallion is Hand-Made with care and all of that, which you would could not get anywhere else, even from a plastic-printing 3D Printer. Nothing and Nobody is absolutely perfect. Complain to eBay, if you'd like me to be able to list more than 20+ medals ever again. Thank you for your patronage.}}

===Happy Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day===
Chris celebrates the day honoring ''[[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'''s resident ditzy pegasus Derpy Hooves by sharing a fanart pic. Given the two's similar personalities, it's a perfect fit.
{{quotebox|1 March 2015
[[File:DerpyDay.png|right|thumb|200px]]
March 1st is Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day.}}

The white knight [[William Elliott Waterman]] left perhaps his shortest and subtle note of praise yet:

{{quoteboxred|cool.}}

===A Hypothetical List of Party Guests===

Chris posts a list of hypothetical guests he'd like to have at a party. He goes on to say that any responses from the listed individuals would first be considered to be trolls. The statement implies that he [[Chris and reality|thinks that there's still a chance]] [[Chris and his Ego|these celebrities would actually contact him]].

{{quotebox|March 8 2015
"**The Following is hypothetical; it is essentially a list of celebrities I would find good in hanging around with or meeting and greeting. This is for my reference.**

I'm hosting a select party, and I am inviting: [[Britney Spears]], Pamela Anderson, [[2013_Facebook_Posts#Open_Letter_to_Tara_Strong|Tara Strong]], Amy Jo Johnson, Katy Perry, [[Chris and fashion|Lady Gaga]], Kelsey Grammar, Jane Leeves, [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]], Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Betty White, Patricia Routlege, [[My Little Pony|Ashleigh Ball]], [[My Little Pony|Andrea Libman]], [[My Little Pony|Tabitha St. Germain]], [[Monica Rial]], [[Family Guy|Seth]] [[Chris_and_English#Spelling|McFarland]], [[The Simpsons|Matt Groening]], [[Chris_and_English#Spelling|Craig McCracklin]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], [[Sonichu_7#Time_travel_crap|Christopher Lloyd]], Melissa Etheridge, Kelly Clarkson, Temple Grandin, [[Transformers|Peter Cullen]], Seth Rogan.

Any responses from the individuals listed above, to this post, will be initially considered to be from people or Internet Trolls and CyberBullies pretending to be the actual individuals, and will be disregarded and ignored.

Have a good day."}}

This post drew concern from even his two most loyal white knights, [[William Elliott Waterman]] pointed out:

{{quoteboxred|Craig McCracken and Seth McFarlane is [[Chris_and_English#Written_language|(sic)]] sad you made a parody of spelling their names.}}

And Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt responded thusly:

{{quoteboxred|Don't get me wrong, you seem like a pretty nice guy to chill with. But you tend to be kind of private with regards to your social relationships.}}

===Prospects? PROSPECTS?!===
{{quotebox|March 12 2015
"Just Another Thought:

'What are your prospects?'
'He/She has no prospects!'

How many time on TV, Movies, or even from your Sweetheart's parent(s), have you heard either of those phrases, and/or just the word, 'Prospects'? Do you or They even know what the word means?
'Prospects' has a few definitions, but the usual definition focused is 'a chance at success or wealth'.

Now, especially in the difficult economic times, Every Individual Person, regardless of what is, or is not, currently in, coming out of, or going into (daily, weekly, monthly and yearly) their wallet or bank whenever or whatever their individual circumstances, it all comes down to the Fact that Every Individual Person has as good of Any Chance at Success and Wealth as Any Other Individual Person.

So the very question, 'Do you have any prospects?', is as easily answered as 'I have as good of prospect as you or anyone else.' And, in short, the very questions of our word of the day here, are all Null and Worthless.

There's your lesson; go enjoy it. Have a good day."}}

Once again, the cavalry of white knights come in, but stating their disagreement this time. First up, we have [[gal pal]] [[Kim Wilson]]:

{{quoteboxred|"... it all comes down to the Fact that Every Individual Person has as good of Any Chance at Success and Wealth as Any Other Individual Person."

Christian Weston Chandler This isn't true. It's actually the opposite: prospects vary dramatically from person to person.

To give an example, a person with a job has better prospects than a person without. A job history makes it easier to get future jobs. That is a prospect.}}

Next up is Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt, noting the validity of Kim's point, though slightly disagreeing with it.

{{quoteboxred|Perhaps: But it's not necessarily a sure thing depending on the individual variables involved.}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] follows up, noting [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris' hypocrisy]] here by the standards he had previously set for a potential sweetheart in his [[Love Quest]].

{{quoteboxred|I have never heard anybody say that about a person. I've heard of PROSPECTING, the act of seeking lucrative or successful opportunities. For example, you've told me one of the most important aspects of your dating search is that the women you select should have jobs. That's you prospecting for a girlfriend to share her lucrative lifestyle with you. For you, that's okay and it makes sense. Your status here suggests you're of the opinion it's wrong for others to judge their potential dates in such a fashion. Does this mean you've changed your standards and are willing to consider jobless women on a fair playing ground?}}

Kenneth comes back, giving his own disagreement with Chris' sentiments.

{{quoteboxred|Are you going to tell me that a person who comes from an average family and goes to Rhode Island College will have the same prospects as someone from a prominent family who goes to an Ivy League school such as Brown University? I don't think so.}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

March 2015 Facebook posts

2015-03-13T12:32:37Z

Burmy:

The following covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page during March 2015.

==Summary==
* 1 March - Chris lists 23 more medals for sale on [[eBay]] and complains about getting poor feedback for his lackluster production quality on [[Facebook]].
* 1 March - Chris celebrates "Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day".
* 7 March - Chris posts a hypothetical list of guests he would invite to a select party, while stating that he would ignore any responses from them because he'd assume they were trolls.
* 12 March - Chris rejects the societal construct of "prospects," claiming that any individual's chance to succeed is as good as anyone else's.

==Chris's posts==
===More [[Medallions]] on [[eBay]]===
Chris reposts his medallion for sale on eBay, complaining about the [[trolls]] who gave him his "Below Standard" rating. However, he takes it down within a day. [http://www.ebay.com/itm/Recreated-Sonichu-Or-Rosechu-Medallions-Fresh-And-Direct-From-Original-Creator-/191526240892?fb_action_ids=813793852048429&fb_action_types=og.shares Link here.]
{{quotebox|1 March 2015
Here's 23 more medals. My complaint is that in the past, the odd less than five people complained of their medals arriving as "shoody"; that is why my Seller status is Below Standard. Each Medallion is Hand-Made with care and all of that, which you would could not get anywhere else, even from a plastic-printing 3D Printer. Nothing and Nobody is absolutely perfect. Complain to eBay, if you'd like me to be able to list more than 20+ medals ever again. Thank you for your patronage.}}

===Happy Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day===
Chris celebrates the day honoring ''[[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'''s resident ditzy pegasus Derpy Hooves by sharing a fanart pic. Given the two's similar personalities, I say it's a perfect fit.
{{quotebox|1 March 2015
[[File:DerpyDay.png|right|thumb|200px]]
March 1st is Derpy Ditzy Bubbly Mare Doo Day.}}

The white knight [[William Elliott Waterman]] left perhaps his shortest and subtle note of praise yet:

{{quoteboxred|cool.}}

===A hypothetical list of party guests===

Chris posts a list of hypothetical guests he'd like to have at a party. He goes on to say that any responses from the listed individuals would first be considered to be trolls. The statement implies that he [[Chris and reality|thinks that there's still a chance these celebrities would actually contact him]].

{{quotebox|March 8 2015
"**The Following is hypothetical; it is essentially a list of celebrities I would find good in hanging around with or meeting and greeting. This is for my reference.**

I'm hosting a select party, and I am inviting: [[Britney Spears]], Pamela Anderson, [[2013_Facebook_Posts#Open_Letter_to_Tara_Strong|Tara Strong]], Amy Jo Johnson, Katy Perry, [[Chris and fashion|Lady Gaga]], Kelsey Grammar, Jane Leeves, [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]], Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Betty White, Patricia Routlege, [[My Little Pony|Ashleigh Ball]], [[My Little Pony|Andrea Libman]], [[My Little Pony|Tabitha St. Germain]], [[Monica Rial]], [[Family Guy|Seth]] [[Chris_and_English#Spelling|McFarland]], [[The Simpsons|Matt Groening]], [[Chris_and_English#Spelling|Craig McCracklin]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], [[Sonichu_7#Time_travel_crap|Christopher Lloyd]], Melissa Etheridge, Kelly Clarkson, Temple Grandin, [[Transformers|Peter Cullen]], Seth Rogan.

Any responses from the individuals listed above, to this post, will be initially considered to be from people or Internet Trolls and CyberBullies pretending to be the actual individuals, and will be disregarded and ignored.

Have a good day."}}

This post drew concern from even his two most loyal white knights, [[William Elliott Waterman]] pointed out:

{{quoteboxred|Craig McCracken and Seth McFarlane is [[Chris_and_English#Written_language|(sic)]] sad you made a parody of spelling their names.}}

And Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt responded thusly:

{{quoteboxred|Don't get me wrong, you seem like a pretty nice guy to chill with. But you tend to be kind of private with regards to your social relationships.}}

===Prospects? PROSPECTS?!===
{{quotebox|March 12 2015
"Just Another Thought:

'What are your prospects?'
'He/She has no prospects!'

How many time on TV, Movies, or even from your Sweetheart's parent(s), have you heard either of those phrases, and/or just the word, 'Prospects'? Do you or They even know what the word means?
'Prospects' has a few definitions, but the usual definition focused is 'a chance at success or wealth'.

Now, especially in the difficult economic times, Every Individual Person, regardless of what is, or is not, currently in, coming out of, or going into (daily, weekly, monthly and yearly) their wallet or bank whenever or whatever their individual circumstances, it all comes down to the Fact that Every Individual Person has as good of Any Chance at Success and Wealth as Any Other Individual Person.

So the very question, 'Do you have any prospects?', is as easily answered as 'I have as good of prospect as you or anyone else.' And, in short, the very questions of our word of the day here, are all Null and Worthless.

There's your lesson; go enjoy it. Have a good day."}}

Once again, the cavalry of white knights come in, but stating their disagreement this time. First up, we have [[gal pal]] [[Kim Wilson]]:

{{quoteboxred|"... it all comes down to the Fact that Every Individual Person has as good of Any Chance at Success and Wealth as Any Other Individual Person."

Christian Weston Chandler This isn't true. It's actually the opposite: prospects vary dramatically from person to person.

To give an example, a person with a job has better prospects than a person without. A job history makes it easier to get future jobs. That is a prospect.}}

Next up is Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt, noting the validity of Kim's point, though slightly disagreeing with it.

{{quoteboxred|Perhaps: But it's not necessarily a sure thing depending on the individual variables involved.}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] follows up, noting [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris' hypocrisy]] here by the standards he had previously set for a potential sweetheart in his [[Love Quest]].

{{quoteboxred|I have never heard anybody say that about a person. I've heard of PROSPECTING, the act of seeking lucrative or successful opportunities. For example, you've told me one of the most important aspects of your dating search is that the women you select should have jobs. That's you prospecting for a girlfriend to share her lucrative lifestyle with you. For you, that's okay and it makes sense. Your status here suggests you're of the opinion it's wrong for others to judge their potential dates in such a fashion. Does this mean you've changed your standards and are willing to consider jobless women on a fair playing ground?}}

Kenneth comes back, giving his own disagreement with Chris' sentiments.

{{quoteboxred|Are you going to tell me that a person who comes from an average family and goes to Rhode Island College will have the same prospects as someone from a prominent family who goes to an Ivy League school such as Brown University? I don't think so.}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]

March 2015 Facebook posts

2015-03-13T12:14:44Z

Burmy:

2015-01-17T22:01:12Z

Burmy:

The following covers Chris's activity on his personal [[Facebook]] page in [[January 2015]]. He also continued to contribute to his activist page, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]. The posts of this month come in the wake of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, and Chris is eager to portray himself as the victim and slander his prosecutors in a public forum.

==Summary==
* 1 January - Chris is tired from moving back into his [[14 Branchland Court|house]].
* 5 January - Chris reiterates that he will use pepper spray against people who make him upset.
* 7 January - Chris calls on his fandase to cut down an annoying tree branch.
* 8 January - Chris accuses [[SEGA|Sega]] of forcing him to assault a [[GameStop]] employee.
* 9 January - Chris posts a meme and says he feels lousy.
* 9 January - Chris opposes conversion therapy for both [[homos|homosexuals]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].
* 10 January - Chris again defends his actions on [[26 December 2014]].
* 11 January - Chris discusses how he will force others to respect him if he feels threatened.
* 13 January - Chris responds to a leaked list of his video games, and explains why he owns two copies of Sonic Boom.
* 15 January - Chris thinks that a no-contact order goes both ways, accusing GameStop of violating it with their calls.

==Chris's posts==
===Charlie and His Horse===
A "charley horse" is an American term for painful leg cramps.

{{quotebox|1 January 2015
Charlie's Horse continues to run tricks around the track during Both Legs of the race.

I have been seriously working my ass off a LOT, along with the movers, in getting moved back into [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] most recently. A portion of my [[Chris and health|pains]], in addition to lower back, can be figured out in the above pun.}}

===Don't Fuck with Chris!===
{{quotebox|5 January 2015
I have been on the move, with the heavy listings and transport back to my original house, and still sorting, organizing and all. I also have been at a Lack of WiFi and [[Internet]] access since last Wednesday. The only internet I have at home here is on the 3G on my phone.

I have been very busy and very [[stress|stressed]]. And should anyone give me a difficult time during my outings resulting in turning my day bad with the verbal attacks and threats to my person, I Will Defend Myself, and only retaliate when absolutely necessary. I Would even spray myself.

I Sincerely Wish people would positively Like me, yet I am unable to change their minds. And if I Have to defend myself to get any respect as an individual person, then it is THEIR Fault for frightening me into that defensive stance.

‪#[[‎SEGA‬]] will definitely hear of the Earlier Incident as well.}}

===Chris Rants About Tree Branches===
{{quotebox|7 January 2015
Somewhere around Green Lea Subdivision, there is a damn tree branch, BLOWING IN THE COLD WINDS! Knocking the power Off and On! Will Someone PLEASE cut the branch, so we can have a night of consistent electricity and power?}}

===It's All Sega's Fault That I Maced a Store Employee===
Chris continues his new bizarre habit of using non-American spelling [[Chris and English|for some reason]].
{{quotebox|8 January 2015
[[File:Blarms.jpg|thumb|left]]
Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!

‪ #‎SEGA‬

‪ #‎SonicTheHedgehog}}

===Sunil Nevla Does Not Approve of This Image===
Chris reveals his hatred for memes stems from ED, putting the cart before the horse.
{{quotebox|9 January 2015
[[File:Chris worry.jpg|thumb|right]]
And I am a sad, lonely, worrying individual. :(}}

According to his mobile phone, Chris made this post from Danville, Virginia. Kenneth Englehardt wrote:

{{quoteboxgreen| I'm just curious why he drove all the way to Danville.}}

Chris responded:

{{quotebox|Danville? I have NEVER driven to Danville. And I do NOT like most to all Memes; I watched the episode of [[Wikipedia:Littlest Pet Shop (2012 TV series)|Littlest Pet Shop]], and it reflected how I Felt moreover after I found the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage when I Googled my name late October, 2007. <nowiki>>:(</nowiki>}}

===Baby, Chris Was Born This Way===
Chris signed a petition to cancel a new TV show, ''My Husband's Not Gay'', and wrote:

{{quotebox|9 January 2015
[[File:Nohomo.jpg|thumb|left]]
The idea behind this show IS Terrible. You Can Not change an individual for who they are, period. And I also did not like how the "Doctors" tried to do that with Lesbians in the 1800s; Most Disgrading and Awful! I am a [[homos#Chris the lesbian|(Female Soul) Transwoman (no operation yet), And a Lesbian]]. No One will ever change my feminine ways and habits, because that is Who I Am, and My Soul Is Female! And I REALLY Hate being born with the Damn [[duck|Male Parts]]; I REALLY Should have been born Female. And the idea behind this show is AS WRONG AND HORRIFIC AS SEGA Changing Sonic's Arm Colour in the damned Sonic Boom Games and Cartoon TV Show!!! Neither of These Shows SHOULD BE AIRING AT ALL!!!}}

Chris seems to imply he is considering [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_reassignment_surgery sex reassignment surgery] with "no operation '''yet'''". How Chris would afford this extremely expensive procedure is not clear, especially since the events of February 2015 will most likely make him lose his [[tugboat]].

===Chris opposes discrimination===
On 9 January, Chris commented on an article posted on the "VA Pride" Facebook page about a bill to allow private businesses to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation:

{{quotebox|9 January 2015:
BOOOO!!!!}}

===Off My Rocker?!===
Chris's recent arrest had received from attention from the blogosphere. Chris was infuriated by one particular article (http://wiiudaily.com/2014/12/man-maces-gamestop-employee-over-sonic-boom/#.VLC_uO3bJ68.facebook) posted by Wii U Daily:

{{quotebox|10 January 2015
Off my rocker?! How Dare She? My Protest was Sound, Valid and Meant to be Good. And she completely ignores that on the day I had to defend myself from that [[manajerks|Ass Manager]], HE VERBALLY ATTACKED AND [[Twin Falling Towers|OFFENDED]] ME. And I had no idea of what other pains and stresses He was capable of doing, and I did not want him following me either. You All Do Not Understand my Fragile Mind, nor do Any of You All have Any Caring Nor Understanding to Leave a mentally scarred, damaged and flawed individual like me Be and At Personal Peace of Mind. BUT HELL NO! YOU ALL KEEP ON [[stress|STRESSING]] ME MORE AND CAUSING PLEASANT DAYS GONE BAD ON ME. Especially MOST OF EVERY LAST [[JERKS|MALE]] IN THIS WORLD; All of you are nothing but immature, borish, uncouth, and damned Neanderthals. It is no wonder why a lot of Women detest the lot of you, and why I am Most Disgusted and Ashamed to have been forced to be born a damned member of your Male Gender. Hmpf!}}

It is worth noting that the Wii U Daily writer is actually a female. Chris acknowledges this a few times, but it's mostly given as an excuse for him to ramble on about [[JERKS]].

===Chris Wants to Be a Mary Sue===
Chris discusses how he wishes people would like him and wonders why they would dislike him. He then goes on to say that he will force them to respect him if he feels threatened.

{{quotebox|11 January 2015
Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.

I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension. I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.

All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone. And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there), then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.

It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them. And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet, as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life; Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.

"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day.}}

===Chris Comments on His Leaked Nintendo Roster===
Chris responds to a list of Nintendo products purportedly belonging to him and leaked the previous day.

{{quotebox|13 January 2015:
This is in response to the post below this one about the so-called list of my purchased Nintendo software. Direct to the point: I have sincerely NEVER purchased either Sonic Boom game. The 3DS game, however, was actually Hand Given to me as a Gift from my ex-girlfriend, Catherine's Cousin, Al, after out bowling outing in Early December, 2014; Last Month.
I have registered the 3DS card through my Club Nintendo account, and explicitly told them in the survey that game Was Gifted to me; I Had Not Purchased it, period. And I Had shortly after received a copy of the Wii U Game In the Mail. I had disposed of the envelope, because there was no return address. I Would have registered that as well, but there as NO Club Nintendo code enclosed. I have Never booted or played either game, and I certainly never have inserted either card or disc into any of my handhelds or consoles at all ever. And to spare having it quoted in the comments below this point, or in any future comments and posts in this group or on my page: Being Gifted the thing you are protesting against against your initial will, regardless of acceptance out of being polite or whatever, it does NOT Change my position or aynthing integral of the Protest that I Have personally started and still am working towards the cause, period.

SEGA!!! CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! YOUR BLUE ARMS HAVE HURT NOT ONLY ME IN A NUMBER OF GREAT WAYS, BUT COUNTLESS OTHER PEOPLE (GREATER THAN A THOUSAND INDIVIDUALS) AS WELL!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR LACK OF RECALL AND CORRECTIONS!!!
}}

===Chris Thinks a No-Contact Order Goes Both Ways===
Chris posts cases where GameStop allegedly called his phone [https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/789750344452780 Photo screencaps here]

{{quotebox|15 January 2015:
I have something important to share of importance. After the incident on the 26th, on the court date on the 29th, the judge had documented that neither I, nor Any local GameStop stores or employees, come near or contact each other. I Have not contacted or visited any of them, but the day after on the 30th, One of them called My Cell Phone, TWICE, on the 30th, the day after that court date. I have Not listened to either of their messages; I had marked both of them "As Read". They both were just automatically removed from my voicemail list. But I screen capped the details from my phone a few days ago. I've had the numbers of the four GameStops, for any inquiries I had to make in the past.
Anyhow, They have violated the Court Rules there.}}

{{Facebook}}
[[Category:Facebook]]