CWCki - User contributions [en]

Sprung

2010-01-08T22:48:29Z

Buzzgum:

[[Image:Nintendochris.JPG|thumb|Chris's letter to ''Nintendo Power''.]]
[[Image:Julie-DS.jpg|thumb|The DS game Chris really should have learnt from.]]

''[[Sprung]]'' is an adventure game/dating sim for the [[Nintendo]] DS. [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] got the game when he bought his DS, thinking that it would give him lessons on "what to say to, or do for, a girl" (in other words, a vidya version of [[Dating Education]]). In a letter Chris sent via the Internet to the magazine ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', he states that the game gave him confidence and helped him cope with his [[Noviophobia]].

==The'' Nintendo Power'' letter==

Chris dedicates his March/April 2004 [''sic'']<ref>Technically, it was 2005 but Chris never noticed that he had been getting the year wrong until Sonichu's News Dash #10, in May/June 2005.</ref> issue to his ''Nintendo Power'' letter, describing it as a "free personal ad", saying:

<blockquote>I, Christian Weston Chandler, have sent an E-Mail to Nintendo Power’s “Players’ Pulse” section on January 9, 2005, in response to Nintendo DS’s Sprung game (scanned pages shown above). After receiving my copy of the April, 2005 issue, I was pleasantly surprised to find my E-Mail printed in the “Players’ Pulse” section, with the screen shot (shown to the bottom-right), which I find very appropriate to my current situation. The girl on top says, “YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND KICKS YOUR ***!” Although, there are a couple of fixes to mend in their print out: the fear I was referring to should be “NOVIOPHOBIA,” not “NOIOPHOBIA.” Also, since February 24, 2005, I am now 23-years old, and I am looking for an 18-23-year old, Boyfiend-Free, Datable Girl whom I can love and trust. Also, a little time after using the teachings of Sprung, my fear came back like a boomerang.</blockquote>

The text of the letter:

{{quotebox|
“I recently purchased a Nintendo DS and a copy of Sprung. I originally bought the game, because I needed some lessons on what to say to, or do for, a girl. To make a long story short, I developed a fear that all the pretty girls are already paired up with a boyfriend. I’ve dubbed this social phobia, Noviophobia, after the Spanish word for boyfriend. Anyway, before Sprung, I was afraid to approach most women (FYI, I’m 22-years old). I tried to silently attract a boyfriend-free girl, mostly with signs, for over one year and four months. Then Sprung provided me with general things to say and do, so I felt more confident. When I tried my new-found expressions from the dating simulator, I forgot my fear of the infinitely high boyfriend factor, and I met a couple of lady friends with whom I feel more comfortable. So thank you, Nintendo and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
 
 Christian C.
 Via the Internet}}

==Notes==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.ubi.com/US/Games/Info.aspx?pId=1806 Official website]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sprung Wikipedia article]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up

2010-01-08T03:25:39Z

Buzzgum: /* Transcript */

In [[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]] (officially '''Keep CWCs Wikipedia Up'''), [[Chris]] urges the [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] fanbase to keep up his Wikipedia page after it was [[Chris and Wikipedia|deleted]] by THOSE NO GOOD WIKIPEDIA ADMINISTRATORS so that no more [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|vicious lies and slander]] will spread about him on the internet. CWC also believes that "getting good grades" is enough to have a wikipedia page about you.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up
| image = {{#ev:youtube|KbKyQLgTbFs}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 1 May 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Redblueshirt.png]] Red Blue
| previous = [[MEOW]]
| next = [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I mean let's keep my wikipedia page up and going strong because I have contributed a '''lot''' to society, a lot more than anybody can think...|}}
===Transcript===

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate: May 3rd, 2009.

I have recently started and, uh, completed the whole bunch of, uh, truth and honesty about myself, in my very own [[Wikipedia]] page, as you may wa- as you may have heard, I put the link on [http://www.cwcville.com/CWCipedia/CWCTruth.html www.cwcville.com] you know? But then, recently I hear from my, uh, sweetheart who, uh, looked it up, thatta-that, uh, apparently the text was released by the admin saying that [''Demeaning voice''] "I was not important enough". Well I'm gonna go back on there and, uh, undo what they did, get all the, uh, honest truth about myself put back up. And I would appreciate the, uh, support of my [[Trolls|True Honest Fans]], uh, eh, you know, they go to the Wikipedia pages and they see the, uh, unimportant stuff there, uh, if y'all- if that person has a account you know, just undo what they did, I would appreciate that very much.

And uh, also, I have the suppo- also, I have contributed alot more than they think, I mean, I have my own wide fanbase from my [[Sonichu]] & [[Rosechu]], I now have contributed a lot more to my local society than you can ever imagine, I mean... I earned- I mean, '''I made the good grades''' between the high school and th- and the college and whatnot. I have done a LOT of fond, of good honest fond volunteer work at the ''[[Pokemon]]'' trading card league-game card gay- trading card game league, before i got kicked out last June, in 2008 by that uh- by that uh, jerk, [[Michael Snyder]]. And yet- and he's still being kind of a jerk because you know, I apologized in [[YouTube]] and yet he's- yet he did not ca- he did not call me or let me know that I'm allowed back in there, but then again at this point... [''Heavy stuttering''] during th- at this dish- at this indecish- that's neither here or there.

But anyway, let's keep my '''YouTube'''- I mean let's keep my wikipedia page up and going strong because [[Chris and his Ego|I have contributed a '''lot''' to society]], a lot more than anybody can think...

[''Loses trail of his thoughts''] Isdh.. yeah.

And also you know [[Vanessa Hudgens]]? She started her ow- she s- she did her own Wikipedia page as well, she told me so herself, so ther- so therefore I have the right to do the same thing for myself as well.

[''Insanely high-pitched whiny voice''] '''AND ALSO!''' listen to my ancesterds- ancestry. I have an anc- my- my ancestoron-uh-on likewise, is [[Anne Boleyn]], so I'm descended all the way back to Mary Boleyn. Think about that, Wikipedia! think about that!. Even as- ev- including the, uh, first Earl of Portland.

So, don't you dare take- so don't take me down again! I am well worthy!

Y'all have a good day now. Peace.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[MEOW]]|nextlink=[[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-05-03]]

Chris and health

2010-01-08T03:25:00Z

Buzzgum: /* Exercise */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some [[Guitar Hero]] on [[Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in <s>60</s> <s>10</s> 5 years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

==Nutrition==
Chris is a known fast food lover, keen on eating at [[McDonald's]] two or three times a week; most doctors limit fast food intake to twice a month, if even that much. However, it is speculated that, since his mother [[Barbara]] probably does not cook often due to her abnormal weight, the family eats out very often. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy-to-make food that often is not healthy. Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Fast food in the mall
* Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence#Constipation</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no veggies or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atorvastatin Lipitor] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious lies he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in Sonic-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing videogames, his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. One might say that Chris is actually strong from having a lot of weight; however, in normal people this happens because the muscles must build up in order to be capable of moving a large weight. And since Chris pretty much moves only for the strenuous task of getting up off his ass and driving to McDonald's, his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of blubber, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris' [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he had to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake pushups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has done on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would <s>almost</s> definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, where as with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance witout having to stop as often as Chris did.

==Hygiene==
{{quote|And [Sonichu] showers afterwards with shampoo and soap. He showers DAILY, and I shower Daily.|Chris, totally [[lies|lying]]<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}

[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe?]]
Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, always leaving him with a rather pungent odor. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said various degrees of shit, sometimes body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Other reports are he smells like rotting fish in the sun with soiled underwear and a hint of Axe. In some accounts, Chris has claimed to use hand sanitizer all over his body,{{cite}} which is a bad idea, as it clears the skin of all bacteria, inviting more infectious germs.

Because of the lack of showers and/or Barbara's inability to clean properly, the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. In several videos, his neck sometimes seems to have an odd brownish crust around it. Some speculate it is simply a shadow, some believe it might be metal particles from his medallion's chain, but it is most likely the years of dirt and grime that have built up from a lack of showers. Curiously, he endorses Axe Shower Gel. Considering that he refuses to take showers and is a sucker for Axe products, one wonders what he even bothers using it for.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in that most important of hygienic activities. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, <s>or very slightly possibly getting laid</s> stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

===Dental health===
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of: Large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygene, and refusal to visit a proffesional under the influence or his massive narcissism.

==Mental health==
[[Image:THAT ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.gif|right]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some ''Playboy'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and rainbows. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy, consideration for others, and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (getting the fuck off our internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of hair and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he was. Clearly she needs to seek professional help too.

* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[Billy Mays]] would have looked the same if Billy shaved off his beard; and he believes [[Emily]] and Kim to be two different people when they are one and the same. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg Sonichu 7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Other deformities==
Bent at an irregular angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of horror. Armchair physicians have diagnosed him with Peyronie's disease, which affects the tissues of the penis and causes it to be abnormally crooked when erect. Trolls rather believe he bent his dick due to incredibly furious fapping. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has [[PS3|other,]] [[The Eye of Judgment|more]] [[Pokémon|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] [[My Little Pony|on]] [[Optimus Prime|which]] [[List of Chris's games|to]] [[McDonald's|spend]] [[Guitar Hero|his]] [[Monthly tugboat|(by "his" we mean "taxpayers'")]] [[Anime|money.]]

Chris also has mild heterochromia, which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in [[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this photo]] of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a 3-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried (voice of Iago from Disney's ''Aladdin''). In the [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice was comparatively normal in tone, even if he occasionally sounded like the title character from ''Conker's Bad Fur Day''.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and health

2010-01-08T03:24:32Z

Buzzgum: /* Exercise */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some [[Guitar Hero]] on [[Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in <s>60</s> <s>10</s> 5 years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

==Nutrition==
Chris is a known fast food lover, keen on eating at [[McDonald's]] two or three times a week; most doctors limit fast food intake to twice a month, if even that much. However, it is speculated that, since his mother [[Barbara]] probably does not cook often due to her abnormal weight, the family eats out very often. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy-to-make food that often is not healthy. Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Fast food in the mall
* Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence#Constipation</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no veggies or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atorvastatin Lipitor] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious lies he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in Sonic-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barelys leave his house and focuses his time on playing videogames, his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. One might say that Chris is actually strong from having a lot of weight; however, in normal people this happens because the muscles must build up in order to be capable of moving a large weight. And since Chris pretty much moves only for the strenuous task of getting up off his ass and driving to McDonald's, his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of blubber, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris' [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he had to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake pushups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has done on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would <s>almost</s> definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, where as with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance witout having to stop as often as Chris did.

==Hygiene==
{{quote|And [Sonichu] showers afterwards with shampoo and soap. He showers DAILY, and I shower Daily.|Chris, totally [[lies|lying]]<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}

[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe?]]
Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, always leaving him with a rather pungent odor. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said various degrees of shit, sometimes body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Other reports are he smells like rotting fish in the sun with soiled underwear and a hint of Axe. In some accounts, Chris has claimed to use hand sanitizer all over his body,{{cite}} which is a bad idea, as it clears the skin of all bacteria, inviting more infectious germs.

Because of the lack of showers and/or Barbara's inability to clean properly, the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. In several videos, his neck sometimes seems to have an odd brownish crust around it. Some speculate it is simply a shadow, some believe it might be metal particles from his medallion's chain, but it is most likely the years of dirt and grime that have built up from a lack of showers. Curiously, he endorses Axe Shower Gel. Considering that he refuses to take showers and is a sucker for Axe products, one wonders what he even bothers using it for.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in that most important of hygienic activities. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, <s>or very slightly possibly getting laid</s> stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

===Dental health===
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of: Large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygene, and refusal to visit a proffesional under the influence or his massive narcissism.

==Mental health==
[[Image:THAT ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.gif|right]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some ''Playboy'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and rainbows. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy, consideration for others, and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (getting the fuck off our internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of hair and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he was. Clearly she needs to seek professional help too.

* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[Billy Mays]] would have looked the same if Billy shaved off his beard; and he believes [[Emily]] and Kim to be two different people when they are one and the same. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg Sonichu 7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Other deformities==
Bent at an irregular angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of horror. Armchair physicians have diagnosed him with Peyronie's disease, which affects the tissues of the penis and causes it to be abnormally crooked when erect. Trolls rather believe he bent his dick due to incredibly furious fapping. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has [[PS3|other,]] [[The Eye of Judgment|more]] [[Pokémon|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] [[My Little Pony|on]] [[Optimus Prime|which]] [[List of Chris's games|to]] [[McDonald's|spend]] [[Guitar Hero|his]] [[Monthly tugboat|(by "his" we mean "taxpayers'")]] [[Anime|money.]]

Chris also has mild heterochromia, which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in [[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this photo]] of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a 3-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried (voice of Iago from Disney's ''Aladdin''). In the [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice was comparatively normal in tone, even if he occasionally sounded like the title character from ''Conker's Bad Fur Day''.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and health

2010-01-07T23:45:40Z

Buzzgum: /* Exercise */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some [[Guitar Hero]] on [[Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in <s>60</s> <s>10</s> 5 years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

==Nutrition==
Chris is a known fast food lover, keen on eating at [[McDonald's]] two or three times a week; most doctors limit fast food intake to twice a month, if even that much. However, it is speculated that, since his mother [[Barbara]] probably does not cook often due to her abnormal weight, the family eats out very often. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy-to-make food that often is not healthy. Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Fast food in the mall
* Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence#Constipation</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no veggies or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atorvastatin Lipitor] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious lies he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in Sonic-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leave his house and focuses his time on playing videogames, his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. One might say that Chris is actually strong from having a lot of weight; however, in normal people this happens because the muscles must build up in order to be capable of moving a large weight. And since Chris pretty much moves only for the strenuous task of getting up off his ass and driving to McDonald's, his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of blubber, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris' [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he had to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake pushups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has done on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would <s>almost</s> definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, where as with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance witout having to stop as often as Chris did.

==Hygiene==
{{quote|And [Sonichu] showers afterwards with shampoo and soap. He showers DAILY, and I shower Daily.|Chris, totally [[lies|lying]]<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}

[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe?]]
Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, always leaving him with a rather pungent odor. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said various degrees of shit, sometimes body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Other reports are he smells like rotting fish in the sun with soiled underwear and a hint of Axe. In some accounts, Chris has claimed to use hand sanitizer all over his body,{{cite}} which is a bad idea, as it clears the skin of all bacteria, inviting more infectious germs.

Because of the lack of showers and/or Barbara's inability to clean properly, the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. In several videos, his neck sometimes seems to have an odd brownish crust around it. Some speculate it is simply a shadow, some believe it might be metal particles from his medallion's chain, but it is most likely the years of dirt and grime that have built up from a lack of showers. Curiously, he endorses Axe Shower Gel. Considering that he refuses to take showers and is a sucker for Axe products, one wonders what he even bothers using it for.

Bet you wanna take a shower now, don't you. Go ahead, we'll wait.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in that most important of hygienic activities. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, <s>or very slightly possibly getting laid</s> stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

===Dental health===
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of: Large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygene, and refusal to visit a proffesional under the influence or his massive narcissism.

==Mental health==
[[Image:THAT ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.gif|right]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some ''Playboy'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and rainbows. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy, consideration for others, and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (getting the fuck off our internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of hair and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he was. Clearly she needs to seek professional help too.

* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[Billy Mays]] would have looked the same if Billy shaved off his beard; and he believes [[Emily]] and Kim to be two different people when they are one and the same. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg Sonichu 7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Other deformities==
Bent at an irregular angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of horror. Armchair physicians have diagnosed him with Peyronie's disease, which affects the tissues of the penis and causes it to be abnormally crooked when erect. Trolls rather believe he bent his dick due to incredibly furious fapping. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has [[PS3|other,]] [[The Eye of Judgment|more]] [[Pokémon|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] [[My Little Pony|on]] [[Optimus Prime|which]] [[List of Chris's games|to]] [[McDonald's|spend]] [[Guitar Hero|his]] [[Monthly tugboat|(by "his" we mean "taxpayers'")]] [[Anime|money.]]

Chris also has mild heterochromia, which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in [[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this photo]] of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a 3-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried (voice of Iago from Disney's ''Aladdin''). In the [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice was comparatively normal in tone, even if he occasionally sounded like the title character from ''Conker's Bad Fur Day''.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Chris and health

2010-01-07T20:12:34Z

Buzzgum: /* Weird section */ new section

Hey we should add a "gallery of fatness" to the bottom of the page with pictures of his horrible fatness.--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 19:01, 23 July 2009 (CEST)
*That's not such a bad idea, I suppose. What would be best is if you could make them show how much he has ballooned over the years. [[User:Dormiebasne|Dormiebasne]] 21:20, 23 July 2009 (CEST)
**That is an even better idea--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 23:09, 23 July 2009 (CEST)

Moved the gallery of hair. --[[User:Garfield|Garfield]] 03:14, 25 July 2009 (CEST)
*Cool!--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 16:50, 29 July 2009 (CEST)

== Need to do ==
*Probably move the hair to Sonichu Girls or just make a new page for it, I think it warrants its own page because it also demonstrates MEXICAN SONICHU and poor Spanish
*Also, incorporate chris's coke habits (the drink) http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?n2bjtmemyyj [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 19:33, 29 September 2009 (CEST)

== Chris and Strength? ==

Chris seems to suffer form delusions that he's really strong and a good fighter. I'd go into more depth except that I'm not really strong nor a good fighter. All I know is that he's worse at both than me. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 06:26, 13 October 2009 (CEST)

== Weird section ==

The article currently says: "''Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving high school, and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. It has also left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos.''" Now, I'm not a medical professional or anything, but I'm pretty sure exercise level doesn't have much to do with skin color. The second sentence should probably be moved or at least clarified.

CWC Update 18 January 2009

2010-01-07T18:32:00Z

Buzzgum: Well I'm convinced.

"'''CWC Update 18 January 2009'''" (officially "'''CWCUpdate01182009'''") is a video in which [[Christian]] issues a scathing statement concerning hackers who used his email account to send messages to dozens of people saying Christian has [[homos|come out of the closet]]. He denies this outrageous claim and proves his heterosexuality by stomping on the [[vibrator]] he has owned for years. He then shows a message taped to his foot featuring a crudely drawn nude female torso to hammer home his point. Internet scientists are hard at work determining which [[anime]] he copied this stupid idea from.

There is delicious irony in hearing Christian bellow "I'm straight, I'm straight, believe me!" while the camera shows four pink purses lined up on his wall behind him.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 18 January 2009
| image = {{#ev:youtube|5LJOSQ4fnLI}}
| Stardate = 18 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Homosn.png]] [[Homos]]
| Performance Style = {{Rage}} [[Chris and anger|Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:classicshirt.png]] Classic shirt
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009]]
| next = [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]]
}}</center>

{{quote|You can ''kiss my foot!'' ''And you know what else else?''}}

===Transcript===

January 18, 2009. 
[Note: Chris presumably says "Captain's Log" right before this, but the first second of the video is corrupt.]

Uh, this is ''another'' brief update.

For those of you that have actu—who have actually received them—um… the e-mails that possibly came from my AOL account: [[trolls|''troll'']]—another troll has—hacked into my AOL account yesterday… and, uh, spammed the e-mails around. I had, uh, closed the account ''temporarily''… and I am currently, uh, without the e-mail address.

So, therefore, uh… just—just to rem—just to let everybody in my fan base and on the Internet know: I'm sti—I ''am'' straight! I am straight! ''And no troll''—''no slanderous troll'' is gonna… alter me in such way!

I'm straight. Straight! ''Believe me!''

I have a subscription to ''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Playboy]]''.

[''sniffles'']

And look into my—and look in my ''eyes'' [looks away], in my ''face''. I ''can't'' be more serious than how I am right now.

''Those damn slanderous trolls!''

[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|right|Chris defends his sexuality.]]

''Damn them all to Hell.''

[''cut to Chris at a new angle'']

And another thing, ya slanderous trolls:

[''cut to sole of Chris's shoe'']

You can ''kiss my foot!''

''And you know what else else?''

[''cut to Chris loudly slamming his foot down on top of his [[sex toys|vibrator]]'']

[''grinds foot into vibrator until it slips loose, rolling out of the shot'']

[''turns foot to reveal a note that depicts a naked woman's torso and the message "CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER IS STRAIGHT!!"'']

And don't you forget it!

[''nearly kicks camera over by sliding heel forward for an extreme close-up'']

[''cut back to Chris at original angle'']

Uh, but, the rest of y'all, the ''true'', good citizens: ''peace'', and have a good day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san]]|nextlink=[[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category: Captain's log entries| 2009-01-18]]

Vivian Gee

2010-01-07T17:06:07Z

Buzzgum: /* Contact with Chris */ They aren't below anymore.

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|A TRUE and HONEST photograph of Vivian]]

{{quote|hopefully chris will just stop. seriously|Vivian, responding to comments on the Sonichu [[audiobooks]]}}

[[Vivian Gee]] (born [[Wikipedia:Bastille_Day|14 July]] 1987, A TRUE FRENCH PATRIOT) is the creator of the [[Sonichu]] [[audiobooks]] and other [[Chris]]-related video and cousin to [[Clyde Cash]]. She is also the owner of Hamsty the Hamster, a video-posting plush hamster that has already managed to kill itself several times over Chris's wonderful effects on the psyche.

In addition to the audiobooks, Vivian is the creator of the story "[[A Girl who Brought Down the World]]", a story that answers the question: what would happen if [[CWCville]] became true?

==Contact with Chris==
[[Image:Vivi profile 8 by viviG.jpg|thumb|right|If you think this was Vivian, '''THINK AGAIN!''']]
Vivian, ironically, is probably his only serious internet "friend". While that might be taking it a little far, she's tried to genuinely help him. However, despite all the warnings of imminent doom, Chris ignored her regularly, and proceeded to [[fail]] spectacularly. Vivian has apparently toned down the [[white knight]] antics, and has realized Chris is a [[Autism|retard]] who '''cannot improve.''' [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails|Several emails]] have been recovered so far. Most are simply Vivian saying "JESUS STOP BEING A FUCKTARD" and real advice. Chris wasn't interested until it involved his internet [[gal-pals]] or [[Sonichu]]. Once [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|talked to Chris for three hours]] for him to get help with no success; in her words, talking some damn sense into Chris is "like fighting a wall".

Sometime later, Vivian gave Chris a copy of [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|a novel]] she had written. Chris, however, most likely did not read it as he mentioned that the cover "was nice" and was worried he was being charged for it. Had he actually sat down and read it, however, he would have probably seen some incredible similarities between the characters and settings of that story and [[CWCville|his own world.]]

In [[September 2009]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 4th, 2009|a Captain's Log video]] was addressed specifically to Vivian, with Chris demanding that she close her [[YouTube]] account AND delete all the videos, "if she wants to earn back his trust" after she and [[Clyde Cash]], her cousin, had done "so much bad against him." It was soon followed by a [[Sign Destruction Video|violent death-threat video]] by Chris against Vivian, threatening to brutally dismember her and all of her family members, in which he expressed his hope it would make understand "the fury of [[Chris and anger|his wrath]]."

==OH NOES!==
[[image:Vivian's YT bkgrnd.png|thumb|left|Oh shi-- ]]
[[image:2nd Background.PNG|thumb|October 8 image]]
On 3rd [[October 2009]], the utterly conclusive image to the left appeared as Vivian's background image on her YouTube profile. Furthermore, all links to her videos were removed from the page as well.

While this may well have caused many of her [[Trolls|admirers]] to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]] in fear, a quick YouTube search reveals that not a single video is missing. Furthermore, her [[DeviantArt]] profile states that she is gone for a month. Then she came back.

{{quote|seriously you guys just go away GO AWAY|Vivian}}

As of 23rd [[October 2009]], however, Vivian has returned and her videos are back up on her profile.

==Extortion by Chris==
[[Image:VivianLetsTalkBusiness.PNG|thumb|right|Apologies, Mafioso-style]]
After weeks of tension, the relationship between Chris and Vivian started to relax a little, and on 14 [[November 2009]] Chris extended an olive branch of peace. He [[Chris and remorse|excused himself]] for his lamentable attitude and decided to approve the audiobooks, in return for a cut of the proceeds. Chris, feeling smug after receiving some [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|papers from the state of Virginia]] felt the need to pressure Vivian out of her hard-earned money. He's thinking that asking 25% of all the donations for the audiobooks should be used to support his already [[Monthly tugboat|lavish]] [[Chris and money|lifestyle]]. Vivian kindly [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU answered negatively] to the offer on her YouTube account via her spokes-"person."

==Emails (TL;DR)==
''See [[Vivian Gee E-mails]]''

==See also==
*[[Audiobooks]]
*[[Rollin' and Trollin']] - name of CWCville bar was "Vivian's"

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg?blend=1 Vivitheg's YouTube Channel]
*[http://vivig.deviantart.com/ Vivian Gee's deviantART account]

{{People}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Sonichu 1 Official Videobook

2010-01-07T16:53:49Z

Buzzgum: /* Sub-Episode 2 */

{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Book 1 Videobooks|linkname=Sonichu Book 1 Videobooks}}
[[Image:issueone.jpg|right|thumb|300px|''Sonichu 1'']]

'''''Sonichu 1'' Official Videobook''' is a series of videos made by [[Chris]], in which he reads and comments on ''[[Sonichu 1]]''. He started uploading these videos on 11 [[September 2009]].

*In Episode 4, the genesis of Black Sonichu! I mean, Blachu! I mean, [[Black Sonichu|BLAKE]]!!
*In Episode 5, Black Sonichu [[sex|kidnaps]] Rosechu! And Chris rants about Autism awareness and how
{{quote|ASPERGER'S IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!}}
*In Episode 6, it's POW! BAM! STRAIGHT TO THE MOON! for [[Metal Sonichu]]!
*In Sub-Episode 2, Chris gets trolled at the mall!
{{quote|NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!}}

==Episode 4==

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 4: Darkness, Speed & Lightning!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3fGrqTkA8K8}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2008
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Episode = [[Episode_4|4]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]], [[Bill the Scientist]], [[Black Sonichu]] and [[Robotnik]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 1|Sub-Episode 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 5|Episode 5]]
}}

===Transcript===

Welcome back. Here's the next installment of the official comi- of the official audio-video book series. Book Number 1. Once again, all Sonichu material is copyrighted on March 17 2000 by me, Christian Weston Chandler, any names or persons illustrated in the Sonichu comics except for my- of myself that may seemilar- similar to anyone in real life, or fiction, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic. In this case, a little bit parodic. So anyway, Book Number 1.

Sonic is standing by Sonichu, and Sonic says, "Is that supposed to be your clone?"

:"Unfortunately, Sonic, yes!"

:"Chemical 'X'"?

:"No, cherry cola! What's wrong with you, this is the- this is not the Powerpuff Girls!"

====Episode 4: Introducing Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, and Lightning!"====
...with an accidental dose of Cherry Cola!

Over in, uh- the, uh- hhhh- the hou- in the house of Naitsirhc and his adoptive father Giovanni, Giovanni talks to Naitsirhc, and Giovanni says, "Naitsirch! Even though you have lost your battle with that hedgehog Sonichu, I am proud that you were able to obtain a sample of hi- of his DNA. I then located the base of Dr. Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik, and needless to say after I showed him the photo of that Pokemon, he was astounded! And we shook in agreement of Dr. Robotnik recr- reconstructing the DNA machine that was found on New Island. Soon, we will have a 'Sonichu' of our own, to send out and defeat the original. Naitsirhc, our victory is assured! Or I am not Giovanni, leader of Team Rocket! Heheheheheh!"

Meanwhile, in the underground lab, the, uh, scientists are putting toge- putting it all together. We've got Sonichu's DNA next to a can of cherry cola. Mmhh. Anyway, we've got the scientist working on it, uh, and then another scientist says, "Hey Bill! Bring me a DNA- bring the DNA sample to the machine!"

:"Ok! Oops!"

He hits the sam- he hits- he hits the can of cherry cola, it spills into the uh, DNA.

:"Uh oh! Oh well!"

Then he puts the sample in the thing, and then he takes it to the machine, then he puts it ''in'' the machine. Then the machi- then the machine initiates.

:"Analyzing data. Adding inputed data. Pokemon identified. Beginning cloning sequence."

[''BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB'']

:"Hmm... Maybe it's the liquid, but this Sonichu looks [[Niggos|black]] to me!"

:"[''robot voice''] Attention! Attention! This is an audio record addressed only to the Sonichu in the tank. You are a Sonichu. You obey only Giovanni and his son Naitsirhc."

:Mmmmm... Sonichu... Naitsirhc...

:"You are dark, evil and very powerful. When awakened, you will ssseek and fight your original counterpart."

:Mmmm... Powerful... Counterpart? What information are these fools trying to brainwash into me? Eyeah, I'll do whatever I please! But I'll play along.

So now everybody's standing around the capsule with the hedgehog in it, and Giovanni says, "Well, Robotnik. Here's the result of our- of your skills and our genius! What is your opinion?"

:"He reminds me of another creature I released years ago! But I'm sure this 'Sonichu' is much stronger!"

:"Boss! I'm reading the brainwaves. Of the Pokemon. And they're racing!"

:"Well then, let's release him!"

:"I agree! Let's drain the fluid and raise the tube!"

:"Yessir!"

:"Eh, I'm not sure, but he looks black to me! Oh well, he'll still shock that hedgehog!"

[''BEEP BEEP BEEP BOOP BOOP CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BLUBLUBLUBLUB PSHEWWWWWW'']

:"Wow, he is black! Well, I'll just call him Black Sonichu."

:"That's fine with me! But let's just shorten that to Blachu, deal?"

:"Huh? Uh, ok, yeah, sure, deal. I am Naitsirhc, your master. This is my fa- uh, my father Giovanni. Do not cross him. And that's Dr. Robotnik."

:"Eh, my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Black Sonichu."

:"Mine as well! Please accept these rocket boosters as your first birthday present! Hahahaha!"

And so Black Sonichu gets his rocket boosters, they increase his speed. Anyway, Naitsirhc approaches Blac- Black Sonichu and puts his hand across his shoulder and he says, "Come, Blachu, and we will brief you on your mission, birth and training."

Then three hours later in a briefing room...

"Lights on! So Blachu, if you have any questions please ask them now," says Giovanni.

"Yes sir!" res- replies Black Sonichu. "If I was cloned from Sonichu's DNA, shouldn't that make him my father? And also, why am I black and not yellow?"

Giovanni replies, "Astounding questions, Blachu! And with all due respect, I would not refer to Sonichu as your father, more as your brother, but do not ever look up to him. And as my scientist Bill reported, he spilled some cherry cola onto your DNA strands. The black and red chemicals must have overridden the brown and yellow pigment. Any other questions?"

Robonik comes in and he s- and he er- and he says, "Giovanni! I searched on the internet and found data on Sonichu from the Pokemon database!"

:"Well, let's see it! Hmmm, I'm reading over the papers, hmmm..."

:"Apparently it was reported to Professor Oak by a trainer named Kelr- [[Kel]]."

:"Excellent, Robotnik! Now we can compare these statistics with Black Sonichu's, and make him much stronger den- and faster. What's this on the other page?"

:"Oh! That'd be Rosechu! Also an electric hedgehog Pokemon. I also learned that she is Sonichu's girlfriend."

:"ALL SO PERFECT! Now we have the plan to lure Sonichu into our trap! After training our Black Sonichu, he will kidnap Rosechu! Haha, good work! Now make a machine to drain Sonichu's bowe- power, Robotnik!"

:"Yes, sir! Hahahahaha!"

Training days! [''montage music''] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dahhhh!

Speed test: Go! [''SHHW!''] Uh oh! Shoot, you got my clothes! And I cut hhh- cut myself with this tree! That swipped over with this high speed... [''Chris giggles'']

Strength Tench: [''PSHH!''] Breaks the brick wall. Destroy 20 tons.

Spin-dash test: Result: 200 rotations in a minute.

Target Practice: [''PSHW-PING! PSHW-PING! PSHW-PING!''] Result: 99.5% accurate.

And the result of the speed test was 200 kilometers an hour. The scientist comes in later and uh, give- r- reports to Giovanni and Robotnik.

:"Here the recorts- the reports you requested, sir!"

"Excellent!" says Giovanni. And in comparison, both of them have equal special attack, special defense, hit points and speed. But Sonic- but Black Sonichu has one attack point stronger over Sonichu, and Sonichu has stronger- has one defense stronger than Black Sonichu. "Well, they seem similar, but Black Sonichu has greater strength."

:"Yes! It looks like he's ready for the mission."

:"I agree!"

[''PSHH!''] Over lowvers- over the loudspeaker, "Attention Black Sonichu, please report to my office immediately, it's time for your mission," says Giovanni.

Then Black Sonichu thinks to himself, [''sigh''] I guess my training is complete. It's time to en- prepare to encounter my brother Sonichu.

To be continued in the next video!

==Episode 5==

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 5: Informal Meeting
| video = {{#ev:youtube|oe6Jttuo8vs}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2008
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Episode = [[Episode_5|5]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Black Sonichu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 4|Episode 4]]
| next = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 6|Episode 6]]
}}

===Transcript===

====Episode 5: Sonichu in "The Informal Meeting"====

Our first page is, uh, basically a layout map of where everything is in relation at this point, until fur- until later notice and updates, where Kel's house is located next to CWCville, and Station Square where Sonic and friends reside, even Pallet Town which is located close to Giovanni's gym base, followed by the [[zapbud]] fields, but we zoom in back to Giovanni's base.

Naitsirhc Blake are, uh, talking, and he sa- and he t-says t-to Blake, look- looking at that same map, "I've sent my Zapdos to locate Sonichu and Rosechu. They are now located in the zapbud fields. They will have to return to Kel's house, here. Your mission is to intercept them, kidnap Rosechu, and bring her here. Sonichu will come for her, and when he does, we'll have a surprise for him. Hehahehaha!

Meanwhile, in the zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu are spen- are sharing a tender, loving moment.

:"Ah, this is nice. The zapbuds, the sky, the clouds, and you, Sonichu!"

:"Yes! I couldn't enjoy this without you- without you either, Rosey!"

:"Aww..." [''kissy sounds'']

As Rosechu kisses Sonichu, then she ki- then he kisses her back and then she says, "You're so sweet! You're s... so sweet..."

And he says, "I try!"

[''singing''] Da da da da da da da, her cellphone rings~ Da da da da da da da!

:"Excuse me! Hello? Oh, Kel? Uh? Okay, we'll be home soon, bye now! Mmm, that was Kel, it's almost dinner time!"

:"Oh. That's okay, I was feeling hungry anyway. Shall I escort you back to your chateau, my lady?"

:"Of course mys- of course you may, my sweetbolt!"

:"As you wish, my heartsweet!"

[''PSHH!''] So they make their dash. To the house.

Meanwhile at the intersection between the uh- where, uh- somewhere between Sonic's house and the sh- and, uh, Station Square, he's on his way home but he's thinkin' like you know, he's forget- he's at the moment of confused and forget which way to go, and he's like, oh, wait, no, I'm sorry, he says here, "Hmm, I don't want to go home yeeet; I think I'll go check out what's that way."

And then so- it's like- and then he's uppa- pretty much on the approach to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu as well, whiles- while Blake awaits in the bush.

:"Eh, these branches hurt! Well, Sonichu's in my sight. I also see something blue coming as well. What a mess this will make! AHHAHAHAHA. Jeez, this is intense! I need a countdown! Okay, 5,4,3,2, ah, screw it!"

[''PSHHW!''] He's- he's- he's- right by Sonichu and snags Rosechu offa- off of his arms.

:"Hehehehe!"

And she doesn't even know yet, she has her eyes closed to keep the dust out. And Sonic and Sonichu are about- are without- are without realizing it, they crash right int- without seeing each other they crash right into each other [''BOOM PFT PFT PFT!'']

:"Oww, that hurt!"

:"Mmmm, telling me! Uh...."

She made like a cat and kept her, uh, right arm over her eyes so that she made sure to keep the dust out.

:"Good thing I made like a cat to get that dust out of my eyes... Huh?" [''GASP'']

She looks up and notices that it's not Sonichu that's her carrier!

:"YOU'RE NOT MY SWEET BOLT SONICHU!"

:"No, I'm not! Eheheheheheha!"

:"Let me go, you creep!"

:"NO! HEHEHAHAHA! We're off to see my masters, Giovanni and Naitsirhc!"

:"SONICHU! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

Meanwhile, the two hedgehogs are still in a daze over the crash.

:"You should have watched where you were going!"

:"Speak for yourself! You could have easily seen a blue blur coming your way!"

[''together'']"Hey, wait a minute!"

Oop! And then they have an instant memory of where they seen each other back-a like-a back in- in Episode 1.

[''together'']"YOU'RE THAT HEDGEHOG!" they both say simultaneously. And then we have this-is dialogue, here.

:"You're the S- you're Sonic the Hedgehog, aren't you?"

:"Yeah! So what's your name?"

:"Sonichu! I was originally a Pikachu until I- until you ran into me with your- with your power!"

:"Oh yeah, I remember zooming into a poor thing, poor animal! I didn't think it was a Pokemon! I apologize!"

:"I accept your apology."

:"I was also powered up with the Seven Chaos Emeralds, their power must have caused your transformation!"

:"I see. [[Random Access Humor|It's funny how we into- ran into each other like this]]!"

:"Yeah."

:"I was on my way home with my hair- heartsweet Rosechu. Where is she? Aw, man!"

:"She's gone? She's gone missing? Wait, do you see those?"

And they look down and they notice footprints.

:"Yeah, footprints! Uhh! Ouch!"

He puts his finger on one and it's like- it really- it's hot.

:"Ow! They're on fire! Rosey was kidnapped!"

:"Well, let's follow them! I'll help you."

Sonichu, "Thank you! Let's go find Rosechu!"

:"Yeah!"

To be continued in the next episode.

Also this little portion of the page is dedicated to [[autism]] awareness where you can get more information on autism, which is NOT- which is NOTHING LIKE ASPERGER'S. [[Lie|ASPERGER'S IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.]] Anyway- anyway, for information on autism, you go to austim.org. As I- as I am high functionally autistic myself, and ev- and I and myself and all of my Sonichu and Rosechu everybody, we are in full support of autism awareness and finding the cure. And then also the advertisement to the original Sonichu site, the address as it was back then, but at this time it is currently also known as [[CWCipedia]], which the address would be alongside this thing in the text with this video. Anyway, to be continued in the next video.

==Episode 6==

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 6: Black Metal Combat
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vt60i3c40So}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2008
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Episode = [[Episode_6|6]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Sonichu]], [[Sonic]], [[Robotnik]], [[Amy Rose]], [[Metal Sonichu]], [[Naitsirhc]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Black Sonichu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 5|Episode 5]]
| next = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 2|Sub-Episode 2]]
}}

===Transcript===

The [[Speech Impediment|starling]] conclusion of this three-part episode:

====Episode 6: Black Meadow Combat.====

We're back at [[Giovanni]]'s base, where splack where [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] has sussessfully put [[Rosechu]] in their cell, and now they wait.

:"A- aa...darn it! These bars are rubber-coated! Oh when Sonichu gets here, he'll give you all a real shock!"

Hmm. ad then- oland then a little bit a distance away, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] is talking to [[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]].

:"So Robotnik, let's go over- once more. What'll happen when Sonichu comes to rescue his girlfriend? Heheheh."

:"All right, Naitsirhc. Hahahahah. Well first, Black Sonichu will issue a challenge with Sonichu. Then during the battle, Blachu will lead Sonichu towards the X on the f- the X on the floor. Then I'll press this button which'll launch down- launch the dome, and trap him in, and then I'll activate the [[Stress|energy drain]], which will reduce Sonichu to a [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|weakling]] in mere seconds. After that, [[Sex#Chris_and_rape|you and your friend can do whatever you want to him]]. Recharge him, mi- mind control, [[Julie|string him along]], heheh. Why should I care? Because [''begin musical number''] IIIIIIIIIIIIII'm Robotnik, Robotnik, I'm a mad genius! Robotnik, Robotnik, I creayse chaos with my machiiiiiiiines! I'm the dorkest evil, and I mean I have a monkey and and a meeeean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait, the monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot with a process I call Robotization!"

[''faking mirth for the first time''] Hahahahaha! Oh, com-director commentary! Oh, that is so lame! I idolize Sonic, I hate Eggman! [''continues laughing''], Oh I'm sorry, but that has to be [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|the stupidest drawn thing]] I've drawn in my life! [''laughs more'']

[''serious business''] Continue on with the story.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and [[Sonic The Hedgehog|Sonic]] are closing in on Giovanni's base.

:"Rosey! [[Semen|I'm COMING!]]"

:"We must be close, I see a building ahead."

[''PSSS''] And they stop right in front of it.

:"Sonichu, stop!"

:"What's up, Sonic"

:"I'm smell [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|trouble]]."

He bends down and picks up the thing on the ground. It's a medal with Eggman's face on it.

:"This da face of my nemesis, Dr. Eggman Robotnik. Hm. You lead on, Sonichu. I'll back you up if there's a trap."

:"Okay."

And so they enter. "Naitsirhc! Release Rosey now!" Sonichu a-says, as the-ed-edder enters.

:"I knew you'd come for me, Sweet-boat."

Hm. [''pause''] Is that his? And then [''wrong''] Sonichu thinks, "I know Eggman will have a grand trap in store. I'll get Sonichu out if needed. Oh is that his Rosechu? She looks lock-a-light [[Amy Rose|Amy]]. Boy if those two [[Homos|mate]]- if those two girls MEET, that is huh."

And Naitsirhc says, "Ah, Sonichu. How good it is to see that you- how good it is to see you again. Allow me introduced my father, Giovanni, and our 'sociate Dr. Robotnik."

:[''together''] "Hello! HAHAHAHA!"

:"I am pleased to say that we do have your [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] captive in our facilities. But t-to my dismay, it was not I who kidnapped your girlfriend, but allow me to present the true culprit and your clone."

:"My clone?"

:"[[Niggos|BLACK]] SONICHU."

:"Just call me Blachu. AND NOW WE MUST [[Soul Calibur|FIGHT!]]" [''PSSH''] "Mach Punch."

:"Oh, sneak attack, huh? Here's my counter, Spin Dash! [''PSSH'']

:"Uhh.. Er not bad. Now's time for me to dish it out. Thunderbolt!" [''PFF''] Misses Sonichu. "Heheheheh."

:"Megaaaa-kick!" Hits Black Sonichu on the head! "Eh-heh! Getting tired Blachu? I'm just getting warned up."

:"Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-HO! He's standing on the X." [''BOOP! PSHH!''] "I wouldn't waste my energy, Sonichu. [''PLINGPINGPING''] "That's tempered glass. You won't be able to shatter it or sonic- or shock it. Heheheh."

:"Sonichu, no!"

:"Why you! When I get outta here, I'll..."

:"And now, I'll press the button that'll sap your strength and energy."

:"Not if I have a say in it, Robotnik!"

:"Wha?"

[''WH-PEW!''] Breaks the remote control. Sonic does.

:"[[Excel-Saga|NOOOOOO!]] What? You?"

:"Hehehe. [[Bugs_Bunny#Bugs_Bunny|Ehh, you expecting maybe Bugs Bunny?]] Hehehe. Let Sonichu and Rosechu go, and I may go easy on you, Eggman."

:"That's Dr. Robotnik to you, Ssonic the Hedgehog! Hah. I had something else planned for that Pokémon's escape. Heh. Now I'll send it against you, pesky hedgehog, haha. Go, my [[Metal_Sonichu|Metal Sonichu]]!"

[''singing ominously'']

And then emerges the Metal Sonichu, then Sonichu con-lookt-come-up-com-commentates, "Hey, he dudn't look a thing like me!"

"Boy, Eggman, Sonic says. "You sure [[Chris_and_art|lack imagination]]. Compared to Metal Sonic."

:"Metal Sonichu, ATTACK!"

Shoots thunderboats! [''PSHPSHPSHPSH!''] Sonic dashes and he misses.

:"Hah! Mmm.. Heh." [''PSHH''] "Heh. C'mon, is that the best you got?"

And then they're chasing each other, Metal Sonichu is chasing Sonic all over the creation. Sonichu's b-and then Sonichu tries to go attack it but then he spin dashes away. And then hen-and-then heads toward the uh dome. Warning Sonichu first to stay out of the way, and he says, "Come and get it. Come and get me. Met-A-Mon."

Sonichu says Soni-me sangs Sonic. And then Metal Sonichu [''PSHHW!''] crashes right through the dome. And then Sonichu gets out and he sa- and he tells Sonic, "Sonic, spin dash towards me between my hands!"

He's gathering up an energy ball of lightning between his hands. So Son- so [[Gay 4 Sonichu|Sonic spindashes into between Sonichu's hands as Sonichu holds them like a ball]] and then he initiates a lock-on with the ready, aim, and then he fires a Zap Cannon attack using Sonic as the ball. And then Sonichu dashes towards Rosechu hesaidhesay, "Gotta save Rosey."

And as Sonic real- and as Sonic'll-uh-go-uh-launches flyings towards Metal Sonichu so- Metal Sonichu realizes he can't do much so he goes to a Defense Curl and then Sonic collides with the Metal Sonichu, goes around the building, flow- goes ri-up to a cliff and he lauches up the ki-lips-it off the cliff like a Spin Dash and he d-he flies up [[Tobacky|TO THE MOON]]!

Meanwhile, back at the lab...

:"S-Rosey, stay back!"

[''ZRPP-PSH''] Cuts the bars.

:"I'm free! Thank you Sweet-Bolt."

Yay.

And then our three main villains here are sh-in shock, and in awe. They're speechless, and then Sonic says, "Well, Eggman, it looks like you are licked again. And shocked too."

:"Heh. Y'all should've learned never to mess with true l-with [[Sonichu_and_Rosechu's_Luv_Shack|true Poké-love]]. Rosey? Let's bolt."

:"Oh. Just a moment. Oh, Black Sonichu?"

And he's in a daze after the battle, he's tired, he's like, "Mmm?"

And then she says, "THIS IS FOR KIDNAPPING ME!"

And she just lands the punch around day-or-ponch on his face and knocks a couple of his [[Fangs|teeth]] out. Then meanwhile on the moon, we see an open crater with dats been cr-made. And there are couple a EYES lighting out of it. S-Metal Sonichu may make a comeback later. DUN DUN DUUUUN!

An' then a couple a days later, at the [[CWCville Shopping Center|CWCville Mall]] at the edge of [[CWCville]], [[Women's rights|Amy and Rosey are shopping]], and they're about to meet each other. They dote have at meet each other yet.

:"Sonic's gonna really notice me in this new outfit!"

:"Sonichu will want to snuggle me after watching this DVD. Heh."

:"One day Sonic and I'll be [[Wedding Comic|married]]!"

:"Oh it's so cool that [[Homos|he enjoys romantic comedies too]]. Heh."

And then, [''together''] "Eh? Oh."

W- an' then they're thinkin', "Wow. That girl looks like me. Cute outfit, though. Heh." And then Rosechu and Amy go into their conversation.

And Rosey says, "Oh, I love your outfit!"

:"Oh, thank you, heheh. Heh. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I'm Amy Rose."

:"I'm Rosechu, but you may call me Rosey."

:"You shoppin' for anybody?"

:"Just pick up a romantic comedy for me and my sweet-bolt Sonichu. [''sing-song''] He loves meeeee~"

:"Oh, me too! I bought a a new outfit f-to wear for my Sonic. It's so hard for him to etspress his feelings, but I can tell that he ilestly-s-s-has some for me."

:"Oh my sweet-boat treats me... so right. He knows the right things to say and he toad-ly respects me. We spend a lotta time together."

:[''gratingly shrill''] "NO WAAAAY! I can't even get Sonic to stand still! You are SO LUCKY!"

And then yudda-budda-yubba-yubba-yub [''PSSH!''] I come in and I say, "Oh, pardon me. But they going to girl talk for a w-couple hours and I'd like to save time... [[Random-access humor|AND MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING OVER TO GET-CO!]] HAHAHAHA!"

End of the episode. Stay tuned for da s-nest sub-episode.

==Sub-Episode 2==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Sub-Episode 2: The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Mxm1hi8aaNs}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2008
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Episode = [[Sub-Episode_2|Sub-2]]
| Other = Featuring the voices of [[Rosechu]], [[Cartoon CWC]] and [[Fandanna]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode 5|Episode 6]]
| next = [[Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode 7|Episode 7]]
}}

===Transcript===

Move on to the [[Sub-Episode 2]], I just would like to, uh, state a couple of things of fact from Book Number One. Yeah, the uh, [[Sonichu 0|first episode]] happened around [[Station Square]], and then the beach around [[Kel|Kel's]] house, respectively. And then the all this in the [[Episode 2]] is like the scenario was around Kel's house and the river that flowed from there. And, uh, then back in the- and then back in the- and then in [[Episode 3]] mostly happened arou- it mostly happened in [[CWCville Shopping Center|CWCville Shopping Mall]], all the battle and everything. And uh you know, just like, you know, the rest of the scenario, like you know, but for what happened started off from Kel's house and then ended up over at the CWCville Shopping Center. So let's just update, you know, just try to make it update an [[Audiobooks|audiobook]], anyway. Anyway.

And also, [[Sub-Episode_1|Sub-Episode 1]] was based over in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Shopping Center]] of [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville, Virginia]]. Although I guess that's uh... nah never mind, I said it. I don't care. Let 'em come after me, especially since I'M BEING A BIG BAD IDIOT. I'M THAT [[Niggos|BLACK]] [[Jerkhief|JERKHIEF]] WHO WORKS OVER THERE. DURR DURR DURR.

Anyway.

====Sub-Episode 2====

starring myself again.

'''The Rise and Fall of My Heart.'''

It's based on [[Hanna|real life]], actually happened March 29th, [[2005]]. So I'm waiting [[Attraction Location|in my usual place]] hoping to hope waiting for a girl to approach me. And then I'm thinkin' again. Eh, also like you know my [[Heart level|heart]] was also, uh, shattered like a couple of y-l- shattered like a couple of years back by, uh, Sl-Slawee by uh Sl- quote-unquote [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Ryam]]. Anyway. At this point, [[2003|it's been almost a year and eight months now]] since I've started my [[Love quest|Sweetheart Search]]. I'll try attract after eat my, uh, [[Obesity|eight chicken nuggets]] since I had a [[Chris and money|coupon]]. Maybe I'll [[Chris and sex|get lucky]] today!

And then all of a sudden this girl comes up, she's es-uh-es... "[[Speech Impediment|Escuse]] me, but..."

:"[[Slow in the minds|Huh]]?"

:"I heard that you were looking for a sw-[[sweetheart]], right?"

I said, "Uhhhhh uh yes! I happen to need uh a girlfriend. So uh what's your name?"

:"My name is [[Hanna|Fandanna]]."

:"I'm Christian, but you may call me Chris."

:"So I was wondering if you wanna have a coffee at the uh, shop with me. That's nearby."

:"Uh. Okay sure."

Then she walks off and I'm a show like you know oh my god I was eating- I was eating my lunch and then uh, suddenly this happened? Eh, oh, by the way... Eh. So it's like, you know, I'm meetin' her in fifteen minutes it's like [''crescendo''] ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! YES! YES! MY SWEETHEART SEARCH IS FINALLY OVER! [''singing''] DAAAOOOH THIS IS HEAVEN! Heaven! Oh look there's a little [[Chris and religion|St. Peter.]] Heheheheh. Yay!

So moments later I'm at the nearby coffee shop, and I'm s-waiting for her to, uh, meet me here and s-like, "Oh this is fantastic! A girl has finally noticed me! And we're about to drink together and talk? OH I'M SO ELATED!"

Oh and [[Rosechu]] comes in, she's like, "Oh I'm excited too, you know, you finally... did this and it's all going well for you?"

:"Heh, oh yes Rosechu. I am also glad that all my [[Electric_Hedgehog_Pokémon|hedgehogs]] are cheering me on, too. Hey listen, why don't you go spread [[Da_update|the word]] throughout [[CWCville]]? Hm. She'll be here- she'll be here soon."

:"Okay pop, I'll check in later. [''BOODOOP-BOOP-BOODOOP-BOOP-BLOONG''] Hm. [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]]? Yeah, this is Rosey. Uh, you are not going to buh-leeeeevethis!" As she walks off talking to her on the phone.

And then a few minutes later, eh so Fandanna's sitting in front of me, she says like, "So. How are you?"

:"Oh, I'm okay. Uh, so what are [[trolling|your hobbies]]?"

:"Oh well I enjoy playing my [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]], and reading Chuck Paladuck."

:"Oh, I bet that uh you play very great numbers."

:"Oh I've only practiced a couple of yeeeeears. But I may play for you sometime if you like."

:"Oh yeah sure. That would be great. [''wrong voice''] Also please tell me abou-oh wait no."

:"Also please tell me about ye-about your necklace. Is it..."

:"Oh yes my [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]! This is the place of my electric hedgehog Pokemon. Let me show you my uh [[Scrapbook of Fail|Sonichu book]]."

...that I had on me that day for real. So I showed her a few pages. So after I left, I gave uh Fandanna uh I look backed at her I gave her a DOUBLE-TAKE FLIRT. Which I learned that uh, recently. And then I call my family and I retire to the spot by the tree in front of
the uh [[The_Tale_Of_The_Crazy_Pacer|Sun-Par]]. I started thinking in mind about steps for future dates and checked with my S-[[Nintendo]] DS game [[Sprung|"Sprung"]] for uh more tips.

And uh, now we look in on Rosechu passing by the uh coffee shop talkin' to [[Wild Sonichu]] on her tele- on her cell phone. He say, "Oh yeah, Wild, her name is Fandanna. Yeah. You'd fall for her too if you were human. Oh, hang on, I hear some gossip." So she overhears. As I.

:[''employees''] "Fandanna, do I hear [[Wedding_Comic|wedding]] bells? Or, do you think he's dreamy?"

:"Oh, well, I'll tell ya I never meant anything. I was [[Mass_debating|yankin' his chain]]. It was my boss's idea. Heh!"

:[''gasp!''] "Oh my god, wow. Wow, d-I have to call you back," Rosechu says. "Oh poor Chris. I have to tell him. He'll be [[Virgin with rage|upset]]. But s-it's the right thing to do."

Meanwhile, I'm playing "Sprung" and sounds like you know I'm reading along he's like, [''pensively''] "So do angels have names... hmm... that sounds about right." Rosechu approaches me.

:"Uhhhhh, Chris?"

:"Yes. Rosey, what's up?"

Looking very concerned and deep in thought, she says, "I'm sorry, but I have sumpin very important to tell you. I overheard Fandanna talking to her fellow employees? She said that she was playing you for a [[Naive|SAP]]. She's not really intrist into you."

:[''gasp!''] "I'M IN SHOCK. NO, IT CANNOT BE TRUE."

:"I'm afraid it is."

[''ERRRG EGRRRRGRGRGRGR!''] Well, fine I'll go ask her myself. Rosechu, please watch my things and keep my spot warm."

My usual spot I wait at, that is, at the mall.

So then a moment later I catch her attention and I say, "Fandanna?"

:"Uhhhh yeah?"

:"Listen. I just heard from a friend that you were yanking my- that you were pranking me and yanking my chain. [''Dramatic''] Please...say it isn't so!"

:"Oh, I'm afraid it is. It's true. My friends wanted me to play around with you I thought it would be [[Random-access humor|funny]]."

:"OH COME ON! YOU DIDN'T FIND ME A BIT INTERESTING? Didn't you care a bit about me? Didn't our mini-date mean anything to you? Didn't you want to see to- see me most often?"

:"[[Truth|No]]".

[''PSH! gasp!''] My heart's been shattered again! [[Excel Saga|NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]

[''decrescendo... then crescendo!''] I'm cryin' wuh- tear we're falling tears it hurts so much it hurts so gawd dang much. But, uh, earlier during that mini-date, which [[List of Chris's lies|I'm not even counting that as a date]]- I never I'm not counting that as a date. I've never counted it as a date after it ended.

Anyway, I had her e-mail address, so I sent her an e-mail reply saying:

:Fandanna? I just wanted to say that I appreciate you being the first to approach and say anything to me. I get very [[Stress|nervous]] and I was hoping for that to happen. Also, I preeshu you taking the time to chat with me at the shop, and I was very elated an' at-cited an' [[CWC-isms|butterfly-heartful]] for the positive events. [''scolding''] But it was not very nice of you to have led me on like that! Just to pull a prank on me! I was terribly HURT! Before you stepped in my world, my heart was previously shattered due to previous events and it was 20 percent repaired. After you came in, my heart had a miraculous speedy recovery to a hundred percent! Then after I had learned from you that it was a lie my heart was shattered back ta 15 PERCENT! There is a lesson to learn to this. NEVER MAKE A JOKE OR PRANK AT THE EXPENSE OF ANOTHER PURSE'S FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS! [''politely''] Still, after cooling off, I also want to say that I thought that you, Fandanna, looked very [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl|pretty]], [[China|I enjoyed your charming wit and personality]], and I thought you had some nice and lovely girl. If you should ever change your mind on how you feel about me, you may look me up. But please tell me two things in your reply. [[Tobacky|You don't smoke do you]]? That st- that stuff really turns me off. And, you don't [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|already have a boyfriend]] do you?

:Sincerely, Christian Weston Chandler.

:P.S. You may take this as a clue, but KEEP IN MIND that I DAAAAYD graduate from [[Manchester High School|high school]] with [[honor roll]], I did make good grades at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. You may wanna look up- you may wanna look it up in the search."

I forget what I h-had written there. I just crunch-crossed it out. Hmm. Anyway. Stay tuned for the [[Sonichu 2|next book]]! Have a good day.

{{Videobooks}}

30 Push-Ups

2010-01-07T16:10:46Z

Buzzgum:

"'''30 Push-Ups'''" (originally "'''10302009 CWC 30 Push Ups'''") is a video in which Chris [[Fail|attempts]] to do thirty push-ups.

Under normal circumstances, the claim that Chris can do thirty push-ups would probably raise a few eyebrows. However, upon watching the video in question, we find that "push-ups" appears to be a [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]] for raping the floor to the tune of Survivor's "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]". Throughout the video, he doesn't complete a single proper push-up. If this were the military, a personal training session, or even an elementary school gym class, Chris would be said to have done 0 push-ups, not 30. Nevertheless, he becomes visibly fatigued only part-way through the video.

Not much else goes on in this video, though it should be noted that Chris's pair of [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]] makes another cameo.

Clyde Cash responded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdQNV0Cohg4 by doing 31 push-ups in front of the camera].

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC 30 Push-Ups
| image = {{#ev:youtube|vhMfhJL7tiI}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 30 October 2009
| Maker = [[Chris]]
| previous = [[Getting_Foam_Ed| Getting Foam Ed]]
| next = [[My_Half_of_A_Whole_New_World_for_Kacey#Ian's video| My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

[[Image:Suffering.jpg|thumb|Chris suffers through his thirtieth failed attempt at a push-up.]]

'''0:05 - 0:36:''' ''Chris repeatedly does a pushup-like motion where his face is at least 18" off the floor at all times and his back is arched. His pelvis touches the floor several times. On 0:13 "Eye of the Tiger" begins to play.''

'''0:37 - 0:43:''' ''Becoming exhausted after 30 seconds of a pathetic attempt at showing off his strength, Chris struggles under his own body weight, exhausted and failing spectacularly at anything approaching an actual push-up. Nonetheless, he counts off how many "reps" he thinks he's done.''

'''0:44 - 1:02:''' ''Chris moves his hands towards his distended, swollen belly, which is possibly full of McDonald's and orange soda. He moves his upper trunk off the ground, and then raises his hips, counting these as a "push-ups."''

'''1:03 - 1:20:''' ''Chris groans and rests his weight on his forearms. He then repositions his hands near his bitch tits and counts the next awkward thrusting motion as "24." He is no longer moving his hips off the ground, and is just raising his trunk up and down, painfully. His face appears contorted, as if in great discomfort.''

'''1:21 - 1:29:''' ''His face contorted in an agonized grimace, Chris moves most of his body off the ground for the "29th" rep. His knees and feet are cleverly positioned out of the camera frame throughout the video, so we can't see exactly how he's fucking that up. He pauses for a second or two before doing the last rep, visibly on his knees for this one. For some reason, his back shakes alarmingly as he counts off the "30th" rep. Still on his knees, he turns off the video camera.''

==See also==
*[[11042009 51 50‎|51 50]]
*[[Clyde is Weaker than Water]]
*[[CWCFighter]]
*[[Power]]
*[[I AM STRONG]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wJqmTOhyas CWC: An inspiration to everyone]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Getting Foam Ed]]|nextlink=[[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]]|}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Sonichu's News Dash

2010-01-04T23:55:29Z

Buzzgum: /* Highlights from the newsletter */

[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|thumb|300px|[[Audiobooks|GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT FACE]]]]

{{quote|Well, it’s the end of another month, and I still don’t have a girlfriend. Maybe my latest idea, the [[Sonichu]]’s News Dash! newsletter, will make the ladies take notice of me.|Chris, believing your own newsletter will attract women, 31 January [[2004]]}}

In the good company of conspiracy nutjobs and extreme right wingers (not to be repetitive, lolol), [[Chris]] decided that a newsletter would be the best way to attract [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free girls]]. Often contained poetry, dating advice (oh the irony), etc. and end with his description of the requirements of his [[sweetheart]]. Prime work of the early Chris-chan, pre-[[ED]]. Chris distributed the News Dash during [[2004]] and [[2005]].

Chris was scolded by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for passing out physical copies around the [[PVCC]] campus and would hold this against her to this very day.

==The News Dash Incident, in Chris's own words==
{{quote|Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM [[Chris and anger|VERY ANGRY]] AT THAT XXXXX! In response, Iplan to incite the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|masses]], and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on [[love quest|getting a girlfriend]] can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!|Chris, greatly overestimating his own power<ref>[[Other]]</ref>}}

==Highlights from the newsletter==
The News Dash is a lulzy source of information, pre-ED, back when Chris was still a creepy guy stalking women in public places. Here's some tidbits from the News Dash:

===[[Sweetheart]] qualifications===
As the newsletter was primarily a platform to promote himself to women, every issue ended with this description of his ideal sweetheart:

=====Issue 1-2 =====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 21 (22 as of [[2004#February|February 24, 2004]]) and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:

*18-21 years of age (18-22 as of February 24, 2004). *[[Boyfriend-free girl|Does not already have a boyfriend]]. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *Average or Slender body type. *Does NOT [[tobacky|smoke]] and/or drink [[alcohol]]. *5’ or taller. *Lives in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] or [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] area. *White. *[[Chris and money|Average to High income]]. *Drives a [[car|vehicle]]. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl.

*Christian is a very shy, and [[autism|very thoughtful]], person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], or [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu Medallion]].}}

====Issue 3-4====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 22 and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:

*18-22 years of age. *Does not already have a boyfriend. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *Average or Slender body type. *Does NOT smoke and/or drink alcohol. *5’ or taller. *Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville area. *White. *Average to High income. *Drives a vehicle. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl.
*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around Piedmont Virginia Community College, or Fashion Square Shopping Center. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion. }}

====Issue 5-10====
''Same as Issue 3 and 4, but with a link to his [http://aolsvc.match.love.aol.com/matchus/profile/showprofile.aspx?sid=D61AC39D-A9D5-49A3-A0D9-6584F069524B&trackingid=226012&theme=214&lid=1000005&TP=U&UID=p6pWeNyd69Zt4vDF/badgQ==&Handle=SonichuCWC Match.com Profile].''

===On the hiatus of the News Dash===
{{quotebox|We here at Sonichu’s News Dash apologize for not writing up issues during the summer months, but the head chief of staff, Christian Weston Chandler, was in a Very Lonesome slump. And he was recently Soul and Heart-Shattered by a bunch of [[Jerk Cops]] at the Fashion Square shopping center, and by the female dog, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], at Piedmont Virginia Community College. These people did not agree with his sound methods of attracting an 18-(his current age) Boyfriend-Free woman. But after a stroll through the lovely and serene campus at the [[University of Virginia]], he regained some peace within himself. And so, while he is still journeying through his [[Love Quest]], the News Dash will run Bi-Monthly, but with more general articles of interest. Thank you for your patience.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews5.htm Sonichu's News Dash #5]</ref>}}

===A Very Special Holiday Chris-chan===
{{quotebox|The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the C-Mas Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, Sonichu and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.

• If your children, or spouse, want some video games, but no toys, buy some toys anyway, they will be surprised. We recommend any of [[Lego]] sets, [[Transformers]] and Dolls. 
• Wrap the presents anyway, because they always want to rip up the wrapping paper like a candy bar. 
• Always remember that Christmas is the celebration of family, so never leave out any relatives from your festivities. 
• If you do not have a family, then find a friend to share C-Mas with <ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews6.htm</ref>. }}
 
{{quotebox|While all have families, so does he. While all men have Girlfriends, this man does not, and he is very depressed about it. “Since Agust, 2003,” Christian Weston Chandler said, “I’ve been trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free, 18-22-year old girl.” His methods were sound and well-thought; simple signs, looking cool, and “chilling” in the most social places. His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of [[Noviophobia]], where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “A Jerk.” His thoughts are sound as the [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|Boyfriend Factor]] is so high, it leaves him with no pretty ladies to choose from. So, if there are any pretty ladies without a…Boyfriend, you can find this lonesome [[CWC "Boyfriend"|prince]] hanging at the Fashion Square mall Saturday afternoons, in front of Ambercrombie & Fitch. Don’t let his friendly smile fool you; he is hurting inside. Please help Chris have a Happy Holiday.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews6.htm</ref>}}
 
{{quotebox|[[Mary Lee Walsh|Hslaw Eel Yram]], who previously shattered hearts and souls, is handing out presents at [[CWCville|Cwcville’s]] Christmas Tree lighting? Odd, but true, and when interviewed, she had this to say, “After three months in prison, I became rehabilitated and more happy to give joy to those I’ve hurt.” Then we asked her about her oldest victim, Christian Chandler, she said, “I plan to give him a surprise on Christmas Eve, a heart-felt apology.” Well, I guess we’ll see if she will be true to her word on the night before Christmas.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews6.htm</ref>}}

===Prelude to [[Sonichu 0]]===
{{quotebox|Sonichu’s father, Christian Chandler, is working on a [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic book]]. It will be hand-drawn, as most comics are. And it will feature “Sonichu’s Origin,” the “Genesis of the Lovehogs,” and “Sonichu’s First Big Battle.” It will also include exclusive introductory content into Chris’s world, as well as Sonichu’s world. Chris said that his target date is before [[2005#June|June, 2005]], the month of the Anime Mid-Atlantic Convention in Richmond, VA; he plans to be there. So, if you’ve been a Sonichu fan up to then, come find him at the convention, and he will be happy to share the hand-drawn stories of Sonichu!

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sonichu cover provided by Author, Christian Weston Chandler.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews6.htm</ref>}}

===Chris's dating tips===
{{quote|Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu running a mile. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is. |Chris, preaching what he never practices}}

{{quotebox|Take it from the lonesome man in Virginia who has been trying to find a Boyfriend-Free girl for over One year and Five months, with the Boyfriend Factor being infinitely high, all you lonesome saps have to summon up courage, or you won’t be able to get anywhere. So here are some tips from me, as well as noted givers of the 411:

* (CWC) When a girl does acknowledge your existence, rather by a simple wave, or as extreme as a hug, forget the Boyfriend-Factor, summon your courage and talk to her. And be sure to ask her if she does have a Boyfriend.
* (CWC) If she does have a Boyfriend, keep her name in mind, because she could help you hook up with a pretty Boyfriend-Free girl in the future.
* (John Tesh) If you want to give her a gift right off the bat, give, or send, her a bouquet of flowers, other than the clichéd Roses, and no more. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to give her more.
* (John Tesh) The right time to give her a gift, during your date, is during, of after, desert (especially if you made the desert for her yourself).
* (CWC) If you are meeting her for the first time, just keep a cool head, and be yourself. But if you want a quick list of what to do, here’s my list, courtesy of the [[Sprung]] game for the [[Nintendo]] DS:
* Introduce yourself: try to look serious on your face; do not smile big, and do not use a forceful voice tone.
* Compliment her: on her hair or eyes.
* Break the Ice with a joke: try not to use an offensive joke. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ [[Donald Duck]]. Quack! Quack!
* (Depending on the situation), offer to buy her a drink, or comment on a topic of interest (such as the weather).
* Ask for her name: make it sound kind and fun. For example, you can say, “Do angels like you have names?” If she is offended by that, apologize and say that you thought it was a kind way of asking her name. <ref>Fun fact: Chris used this with Anna in [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]]</ref> ?
* (I’d add this step) Ask her about herself: where her family came from, favorite movie or color, and other fun basic things like that. And try to make the conversation fun, because the more fun she has with you, the more likely you are to get her phone number.
* Ask for her phone number: if she does not give it to you now, just give her time, and just hang with her, and she’ll give it to you.
* Ask her for a date: make it immediate, like after work or school. An immediate date shows real interest, or desperation.
*(CWC) Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu running a mile. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is.
* (John Tesh) Your date is very important. If you take her to a party, then you probably feel like you need the support of your friends in front of your girlfriend. If you take her to a movie, you are likely to want her to yourself, and sneak a smooch in the dark. But if you take her to dinner, then you are showing real interest, because you are most able to converse over a good meal.
* (John Tesh) When you want to watch a movie with her, you should pick a romance flick. Since you and she are less likely to feel romantic during any other movie category, like action or horror. And hey, she will most appreciate the love you show by sharing the chick flick, because it shows that you care about her feelings<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.}}

===Sonichu goes to the [[University of Virginia]] library===
{{quotebox|After hanging at Fashion Square and PVCC, Sonichu, the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, decided to give the University of Virginia a try. He found the campus grounds serene and peaceful with its history, scenery and plenty of grass to rest on. He found himself educated within the libraries’ many books, and made like he was in Paris with the outdoor tables and chairs. And the “Corner” stores had an interesting selection of items from pencil sets to DVDs. He gave the UVA 5/5 Lightning Bolts of approval. Thank you UVA, for a very peaceful place to chill at in the city of Charlottesville<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews5.htm</ref>.}}

===Prelude to [[Silvana]]===
{{quotebox|Recently, a black [[Rosechu]] came down from outer space in a fashionable space ship. She came down onto our Earth wreaking havoc by abducting the Sonichu Heroes. But in conjunction with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], the Rosechus of Earth rescued all of them. In an interview with [[Magi-Chan]] Sonichu, he said, “I’ve been communicating with her through telekinesis, and she sounded very lonesome. She said that she was a female Pikachu who was hit by a shining light from the Chaos Rainbow.” The Chaos Rainbow was the rainbow made when Super Sonic collided with the Pikachu, on that fateful day in Station Square years ago. And when interviewed, the black Rosechu, who named herself, Silvana, she stated, “I abducted the Sonichus, because it was very lonesome on the moon, there were NO aliens there at all. And when I communicated with Magi-Chan, I was inspired to build my spacecraft with the remains of the shuttle that put me there in the first place<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.”}}

===Chris's letter on ''[[Sprung]]''===
{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have sent an E-Mail to [[Nintendo Power]]’s “Players’ Pulse” section on January 9, 2005, in response to Nintendo DS’s Sprung game (scanned pages shown above). After receiving my copy of the April, 2005 issue, I was pleasantly surprised to find my E-Mail printed in the “Players’ Pulse” section, with the screen shot (shown to the bottom-right), which I find very appropriate to my current situation. The girl on top says, “YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND KICKS YOUR ***!” Although, there are a couple of fixes to mend in their print out: the fear I was referring to should be “[[Noviophobia|NOVIOPHOBIA]],” not “NOIOPHOBIA.” Also, since February 24, 2005, I am now 23-years old, and I am looking for an 18-23-year old, Boyfiend-Free, Datable Girl whom I can love and trust. Also, a little time after using the teachings of Sprung, my fear came back like a boomerang<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews8.htm</ref>.}}

===Chris's 23rd Birthday===
{{quotebox|Christian Chandler had originally planned to have his party on Thursday, February 24, but then it got snowed out, so it was changed to Saturday, February 26. His party was located at the Fashion Square Shopping Center in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], by the tree between Abercrombie & Fitch and Pacific Sunwear. A couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion, came by to his party and have partaken in the lovely cake and Mello Yello soda pop. They also gave him a very nice present too. His parents were also there, with a present as well, and they told a couple of interesting stories of Christian. Christian, his parents, and his friends, all had a good time, which makes up for Christian’s snowed out 23rd Birthday.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews8.htm</ref> }}

===Completion of Sonichu 0===
{{quotebox|Yes, Sonichu fans, the Premiere Hand-Drawn issue of the Sonichu Comic Book has been completed. The project was started with the Cover drawing (see issue #6 of the News Dash for the previous information) back on November 24, 2004, and since then, with random inspiration and too many breaks, the book was completed on March 15, 2005. The Comic includes the first 3 Episodes of our heroic Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu, classic strips drawn before the Comic project and two “Advertisements” for possible future games (at least in Christian W. Chandler’s dreams). CWC said, “Well, it took a long time, all things considered, but I feel that this Comic is my best work yet. I have also recently made a Sub-Episode that, one may say, started right after the Epilogue in Episode 3; it will be placed exclusively on the Sonichu Site for the fans to see. Also, I’m thinking about a Premiere Issue #1 featuring the story of how Black Sonichu was created, as well as how Sonichu and Sonic the Hedgehog “formally” met. 8) I’ll keep you up to date as I am inspired; until then, keep on “Zappin’ to the Extreme!” On the Sonichu Site, there will be two ways to access the Comic: through a link on the front page, or click on the Back Cover image (shown below) in this issue of the News Dash<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews9.htm</ref>.}}

===Chris at some [[anime]] cons===
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Chris meeting Monica Rial]]

{{quotebox|On May 29, 2004, I, Christian Chandler, attended [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|my first Anime Convention]]. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some Ramune (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, Monica Rial (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki (Steel Angel Kurumi), Mikako (Martian Sucessor Nadesico) and Shii (Puni Puni Poemy). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8) <ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews5.htm</ref> }}
 
{{quotebox|(So to speak) Christian Chandler plans to attend the Anime Mid Atlantic Convention in Richmond, Virginia on all three days (June 17-19, 2005). Since he has put himself into Sonichu’s world, he will “Cosplay” as himself (talk about self-respect, huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the Sonichu Premiere Issue #0 on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one.
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, Greg Ayers and Doug Smith, and author Robert V. Aldrich. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see News Dash issue #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell Cool Anime items (some imported from Japan), and much, much more. To learn more about the Anime Mid-Atlantic convention, regrestration, and where in Richmond, Virginia it is located, visit the website at http://www.animemidatlantic.com<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews9.htm</ref>. }}

===Chris on PowerWeb ("Why PowerWeb STINKS on Ice")===
{{quotebox|1. It is FORCED as the ONLY way to enroll into PVCC.
2. There is no alternative to enrolling, because they
took away the original registration forms. 
3. It’s NOT user-friendly. 
4. It was not designed for the computer illiterate. 
5. It’s very unethical. 
6. There is no person-to-person contact. 
7. High risk of lost connection while figuring it out. 
8. Much LONGER waiting time. 
9. It’s too much trouble to deal with. 
10. It had too much advertising to give a darn. }}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://sonichuandrosechu.com/newdash.htm Sonichu's News Dash Archives]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/newdash.htm Sonichu's News Dash Archives Mirror]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Donald Duck impersonation

2010-01-04T23:53:16Z

Buzzgum: Spelling

{{quote|Oh my God, I'm shaken... '''What''' was that voice? That was... no...|[[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], [[Mumble 4]]}}
[[Image:Chris_Donald.jpg|thumb|What Donald Duck would probably look like had Chris's impersonation manifested.]]
[[Chris]] is pretty good at '''impersonating Donald Duck.''' That is, a [[autism|deranged]], syphilitic, crack-addicted Donald Duck that will only show up in your darkest nightmares. Although it is not likely, some [[trolls]] maintain that when he worked at a [[Wendy's|fast-food restaurant]], he was fired for this impersonation. Because it might have been one of many grievances that Chris's former employers had, there might be some truth to this claim.

{{quote|Break the Ice with a joke: try not to use an offensive joke. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ Donald Duck. Quack! Quack!|Dating tips from the guru, [[Sonichu's News Dash]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.}}

This impression is an achievement of which Chris is extremely proud. He even goes so far as to mention it in casual conversation, and [[Dating_education|suggests other people to use it when hitting on women]]. Apparently, in Chris's mind chicks dig creepy voices and Disney characters. But then again, this is a tamer piece of the usual [[honest content]] that he subjects women to.

Disturbingly, Chris is also known for doing this impersonation whilst [[Mass debating|masturbating]].

==The impersonation==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|dBujZWP8K9U}}</center>

==Chris talks to ducks==
In one of the [[Megan E-mails]], Chris mentioned that he talked to ducks in a park when [[Megan]] stood him up on their "date", implying that he used the same Donald Duck imitation routine to break the language barrier.

Could it be that Chris is actually a superhuman with the extraordinary ability to talk to our anatidaean brethren?..

==See also==
*[[Duck]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Hobbies]]

Template:Places

2010-01-04T23:42:32Z

Buzzgum: Stanardsville

{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
| '''The places of Chris's life'''
|-
| style="font-size:11px" |

'''[[Chris's homes]]:'''
[[Chris's homes#Richmond|Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments]] |
[[Chris's homes#Richmond|Surrywood Subdivision]] |
[[Chris's homes#Richmond|Newberry Towne Subdivision]] |
[[14 Branchland Court]] ([[Chris's room]])

'''[[Chris's education]]:'''
[[Chris's education#Greene County Primary School|Greene County Primary School]] |
[[Chris's education#James Madison University|James Madison University]] |
[[Chris's education#Providence Middle School|Providence Middle School]] |
[[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] |
[[Manchester High School]] |
[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ''(not to be confused with [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]])''

'''[[Chris and religion|Chris's churches]]:'''
[[Grace Baptist Church]] |
[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

'''[[Chris's resume|Chris's jobs]]:'''
[[Cutco|Cutco Cutlery]] |
[[Wendy's]] |
[[Chris's resume#Experience|Books-a-million]] |
[[Chris's resume#Experience|Toys “R” Us]] |
[[The GAMe PLACe]] |
[[Chris's room|C.W.C. Comics]]

'''[[Attraction locations]]:'''
[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] |
[[University of Virginia]] |
[[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] ([[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Abercrombie & Fitch]]) ([[Chick-fil-A]]) ([[Anna|Pac Sun]]) ([[Hanna|Starbucks]]) |
[[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] ([[McDonald's]]) |
[[Get-Tar Region|Target]] |
[[The GAMe PLACe]] |
[[Chris's room]]

'''Other places Chris visited:'''
[[Anime Mid-Atlantic|Anime Mid-Atlantic]] |
[[Country Cookin]] |
[[Li'l Chris|"Create-a-Crear Workshop"]] |
[[GameStop]] |
[[Golden Corral]] |
[[McIntire Park]] |
[[Chloe|Taco Bell]]

----

'''Cities of the [[Virginia (state)|World]]:'''
[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Albemarle County, VA]] |
[[Charlottesville, VA]] |
[[Robert Simmons V|Clarksville, VA]] |
[[Chris's education#Greene County Primary School|Greene County, VA]] |
[[Chris's education#James Madison University|Harrisonburg, VA]] |
[[Manchester High School|Midlothian, VA]] |
[[Chris's homes#Richmond|Richmond, VA]] |
[[Ruckersville, VA]] |
[[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Stanardsville, VA]] |

'''Countries of the World:'''
[[Molvanîa]] |
[[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia]]

|}

<noinclude>[[Category: Templates]]</noinclude>