CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and sex

2012-12-09T01:45:04Z

Bzam: /* Moral basis on sex and double standards */ "Dogmatize" was used her in a way that indicated the author thought it meant something like "condemn", which is not what it actually does mean.

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on the HBO network around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex outside of his single sexual experience he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong—Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in porno movies, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would get off to a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his sex dolls [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his [[Duck|broken penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms—either medical or slang—for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "Tom-Tom".

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approve of it [[Mass Debating|masturbatorily]].<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). A blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no apparent [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive [[homos|homoerotic]] thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a big boy.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, [[Patti-chan|Patti]]!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female (because he's not a homo) dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLNUncC6Nm8&list=UUpZbAoE-X3DdRo0jxIQsMaw&index=6&feature=plpp_video</ref>

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still [[Mass debate|debated]].<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion abound that this was due to the help of a hooker ([[List of Chris's Lies|presuming Chris's story is true]]). Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Village Voice Media|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref>

[[File:Virginbreaker.png]]

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationship were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible.<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris has an extremely poor understanding of the effects of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde]], Chris reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom Chris called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, Chris would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], Chris doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape.

Misguided people think Chris will one day try to rape someone due to his stalker tendencies, but with his warped view of romance and his [[Power|inability to pin someone down long enough]], this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref>

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Autism

2012-11-26T05:14:09Z

Bzam: /* Chris versus Asperger syndrome */ Reworded, since whether Chris thinks of Asperger's as "higher" or "lower" appears to largely depend on which is better for HIM at the given moment.

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Auti.PNG|thumb|Odd that he respects [[Chris and copyright|trademarks]] when he feels like it...]]
{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}
{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}
{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATScI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]
::''For the song, see [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].''
'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[100 2178|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris, in typical Chris fashion, not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his ego|special significance]], but also seems to think that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism. Because, you know, everything to do with Chris has to be [[slow-in-the-minds|special]]. Because he's autistic, Chris is, naturally, better than everyone else (because having autism automatically makes him a genius), and everyone should acknowledge how utterly brilliant he is. At the same time, Chris is not responsible for anything he ever does wrong, because he is autistic and that means it's not his fault if he [[Twin Falling Towers|does]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|stupid]] [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|things]].

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; i.e., high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, fluent speech, and about-average intellect. This lets Chris have it both ways: you can't blame him for his failures because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's retarded because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, even the most casual of observers would conclude that Chris is basically non-functioning.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also described them with extremely cruel and derisive terms, calling them "WINDOWS TO HELL" and compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-Nazi he is.

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.<ref>[[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_Chan_on_sticking_things_up_b.2A.2A.2Ahole.|Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]], has never had a real girlfriend, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|shits his pants]] on a semi-regular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Still, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]] amongst many others, yet he has failed to do anything with his life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are utterly his fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID.|[[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]]}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "[[Chris and Religion|God]] put the mute button on me." Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Autism Characteristics]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far, far more likely that one or both of Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development.

It is not currently clear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrative Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g., throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's [[Chris and Rape|tactful and sensitive]] comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger Syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [[wikipedia:Missing white woman syndrome|"Missing White Woman Syndrome"]], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular (albeit idiotic) guy with a few "eccentricities" (more like psychotic), or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not Ian Brandon Anderson and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. While autistic people can have problems with social cues such as sarcasm, thus being gullible at times, Chris is much more gullible than other autistics, let alone ones that are high-functioning. This is more due to his [[naive|inexperience]]. One need only see his extensive [[list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his pinkeye and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref>.

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13 year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them. It should be noted that the two have entirely different skin colors.

*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing relationships. Many neurotypical people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
**In the [[Jackie E-mails 23|final exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to Jackie's frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by telling her she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; While he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Other compulsive and repetitive behavior common with autism is strict following of rules, and near OCD like organization. Chris however, lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy, unorganized house,]] makes comics with dialog bubbles in inappropriate places; and a very inconsistent plot, and disobeys the [[Chris and the law|law]] when it inconveniences him.

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor Roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not talking out of his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[continuity#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris's given reasons for his love of [[My Little Pony]] are also indicative of autism. Autistics are drawn to physical sensations which give them a feeling of being 'grounded', and this is probably why Chris finds stroking the hair of these toys so "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|therapeutic]]".

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has an evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PS3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects, though this symptom is seen much more in children with autism.

*Chris also appears to have echolalia, a common symptom of autism. This means that he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. In some instances, he calls this [[Random access humor|"humor"]].

*One of the biggest symptoms of autism Chris displays is his fear and resistance to change, well beyond the point that it could be even related to his autism. Chris is reluctant to get or even look for a job as he has only worked [[Chris's resume|four months in his entire life,]] has never come close to moving out, has a very hard time selling or giving up his toys or shirts, wouldn't stick to a diet and exercise program, [[attraction sign|doesn't try new ways to attract women,]] and has a very hard time coping with his banishment from [[the GAMe PLACe]]--where he would usually spend his Fridays. This might be resistance to change of his old life style of just going to school and coming home and playing video games, him trying to remain a child, or fear of failure. More than likely though this more to the fact that Chris is lazy, fat, selfish, naive, incompetent, refuses to grow up, and refuses to accept responsibility.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal human beings and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.

Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex is too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|the disorder did not even exist before he was born]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he stated that our society is spending so much time on the internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with little to no social contact shouldn't attempt social commentary.
That, and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. More recently he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref> Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived.

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In more recent years (specifically, during [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009), he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered on Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's [sic] optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed urban myth alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up - in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a more favorable (exactly what that means depends on whether Chris is looking for pity or adulation at the time) tier of the spectrum.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is [[List of Chris's lies|the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.]]

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained his autism and is back to [[Chris on Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend) he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but to live a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics", you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so in reality he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics than himself "windows into hell"<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> and regards them with [[Chris and Hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]]. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Episode_19#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even for [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can be speculated from this that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem very unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel", that is to say it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window onto hell".

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic ]

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Talk:Autism

2012-11-26T04:46:13Z

Bzam: /* Connection With Obesity? */

==To do==
*List things Chris has blamed on his autism (like inability to get a girlfriend).
*the e-mail from the Miyamoto saga where he discusses the differences between autism and Asperger's syndrome.
*possible insight from the song [[A-U-T-ISM]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:39, 23 March 2009 (CET)

== Question for people who know anything about psychology ==

This is just something I was thinking lately - I realised that good character design needs empathy too. Would anyone say that Chris's lack of empathy also shows up in his character designs? Because to me, he seems to be unable to come up with characters that are outside of his own capabilities, or their polar opposites. His "hero" characters all seem to think like he does. For example, Simonla (or whoever it was) in the date ed episode wanted to name her daughter before she's even found her date - ''because that's what Chris does too''. His villain characters seem to be all based on his views and prejudices, and polar opposites of what he believes in, which makes it easier for him to picture them. Just look at Jason's rant in the Rage Against Garbage: rather than giving the characters unique personalities, he makes them list why they are evil. Good guys are good guys because they do things that are positive in Chris's mind, and bad guys are bad because they do things Chris doesn't approve of. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 13:30, 11 July 2009 (CEST)
*I think that's a fair thing to say. That's why most autistics and ASS PIES tend to become physicists or mathematicians and not writers and poets. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:44, 23 November 2009 (CET)

== Autism papers==
Incorporate shit from [[Autism papers]] into here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:44, 23 November 2009 (CET)

==Chris and Asperger Syndrome==
I propose that we make this into a section on this article, as Chris has made his childish stance on Asperger's pretty clear. He went from seemingly confusing it as Alzheimer's Disease to out right denying it as an Autistic Spectrum Disorder or even a disorder similar to autism for some other kind of issue, likely an egotistical one. What does everyone else think?--[[User:Goatselover|Goatselover]] 20:17, 28 November 2009 (CET)
* Not a bad idea. The Asperger's paragraph takes up a big chunk of the intro there, and I think I some more grist for that mill has shown up since that bit was written. Chris is still confused on the whole Alzheimer's/Asperger's tip, he obviously had them mixed up during the Father Call. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 20:31, 28 November 2009 (CET)

With his recent rants on the subject, which seem to indicate that he hates aspies the same way he hates homos, I'm thinking Aspergers Might deserve it's own article. Anyone with me on this? --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:02, 5 December 2009 (CET)
* Yeah, if people wanna break down the comparison between autism and Asperger's in detail and extensively excerpt from the reams of all-over-the-map stupid shit Chris has said about it in the Mailbag, I think that should be its own article. Like I say, I thought the subsection of this article was getting way too big and unwieldy with all the pull quotes and whatnot. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:15, 5 December 2009 (CET)
*Very good idea. I was going to transform the Asperger's CWCipedia article into it but I think we can still have a separate article on Asperger's and another of just CWCipedia's article since it's a major Chris writing that explains the difference. But definitely, Asperger's can become a separate article since we have a lot of details now, not to mention it's a huge, recurring theme in the Mailbag which can also be documented. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:02, 5 December 2009 (CET)

I think that it really needs to be noted that many people think of "Aspergers" and "high-functioning autism" as being essentially identical and interchangeable, so for that reason, a lot of people assume that Chris "has" Aspergers (whatever that means) and/or claims to have Aspergers (which is definitely not true). I'm not even sure if there really is a universal consensus regarding a distinction between the two. [[User:Senzuri|Senzuri]] 16:27, 5 December 2009 (CET)

Asperger's syndrome should still be mentioned here, as people might be coming here expecting to see something about Asperger's, so something brief about how Chris views Asperger's syndrome as being different from autism, with a ''Main article: [[Asperger's syndrome]].'' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:51, 19 December 2009 (CET)

==Does he even have any idea what autism is?==

He seems to talk a lot about his "autistic shell" and the autism "putting the mute button on him" when he was younger. Is there any evidence to suggest that he thinks autism is anything other than just difficulty speaking?

True, there are language delays associated with autism, but his description of his autistic shell sounds more like anxiety over knowing that every single social interaction he's ever been in before whichever one he's in his autistic shell over has failed miserably. His fucked-up and out-of-control behavior that he refuses to do anything about trying to change is more symptomatic of autism than his knowing other people aren't going to respond well to it. I mean, if you were a grown man thinking about blithering on to a decent human being about the piece-of-shit, sexually perverse, rip-off children's comic you center your life around but never draw, wouldn't you be a little anxious about it, too?

Am I just fucked up here, or...? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 19:18, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
: I'm pretty sure that he has a general idea about what it is and what it does, but since this is Chris we're talking about; I doubt that we should expect him to understand all of it. --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 19:28, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
::Maybe. I mean, maybe he can define it or read off a printout of a description of it or whatever, but can you think of any specific reference he's made to any symptom in his life other than having difficulty talking? Not in general like just that he's a virgin or something—not that he doesn't blame that on not talking and people hating autistic people or whatever. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 05:16, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::I think you're on to something. I don't know that there's much we can actually write about it, because most of what there is to say would be guesswork and inference, but I'd wager that most of what Chris knows about autism boils down to: one, he has it, two, it makes him special, and three, it's a catch-all excuse. The autism awareness/sports bra video might be a springboard for adding a new section to the article, maybe - when Chris wanted to talk about autism in any kind of detail he had to print himself out a crib sheet from Wikipedia. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 11:34, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::: Well, he definitely doesn't understand all of it, but I can imagine his parents nagging him about it to an extend where he at least has a general idea of what it does. I agree with Dkaien though, you're definitely on to something. --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 12:14, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::: I can definitely understand wanting to avoid guesswork and inference. Obviously, no one knows exactly what's going on inside someone else's head. I guess at the very least I'm suggesting a list of things Chris ''hasn't'' blamed on his autism that maybe he should. He claims to hate autism and want a cure for it and this and that, but then he fucking ''loves'' Sonichu as though Sonichu isn't just a major, debilitating symptom or outgrowth of the autism. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 03:45, 21 May 2010 (UTC)

== Not entirely Chris related, but... ==

I just read an article in popular science about how there are more autistics now than trained therapists, so to cope with he shortage people are inventing "theraputic robots" that somehow make it easier for autistic children to be sociable. The results are pretty hit-and-miss at this stage but what I took away was that autistics are better at handling predictable machines, but could be gradually exposed to more unpredictable circumstances. Maybe we could apply this in future plans? I think the reason CWCipedia collapsed was either our trolling became too predictable, or we made his "comfort zone" too sporadic. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:30, 29 May 2010 (UTC)
:0.5% of the entire population is autistic and they recon that that population is rising, however autism is over-diagnosed. On Chris ide think the best way to troll him is to claim that he is not autistic and/or simply retarded. [[User:Leekduck|Leekduck]]
:Hmmmm! That idea ain't too shabby! I'd suggest discussing it in the troll forums. Perhaps that way we can finally obtain the Holy Grail of fail?---[[User:Bealtespip122|Bealtespip122]] 10:12, 4 September 2010 (PDT)

== List of autistics ==

Should we make a list of succesful people who have or are thought to have autism, and compare them to chris? I know of a lot of famous people who were diagnosed with autism, and a lot of people who were thought to have it.
*I was thinking about this for a while, but I don't really see how a detailed comparison is better than just saying "Chris does shit he can't blame on autism". What would be the advantage of this? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 06:09, 20 December 2010 (PST)
*I think something like that would be too distracting to the Chris focus that the article should have, not to mention people who want to see such as list can find one elsewhere. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:40, 20 December 2010 (PST)
* how about we make a link to the wikipedia for it --[[User:MrMaXimo|MrMaXimo]] 12:17 24 December 2010 (PST)

== This goes here? ==

I was reading over the last e-mail exchange with Jackie and Chris's phrase "Hurtful Truth Level" jumped out at me as another example of him making things concrete in his mind, such as Scale of Respect or Heart Level. I made mention of it in what I think is the proper place in this article, but I was wondering if it deserves its own CWC-ism. [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 23:12, 3 January 2011 (PST)

==Mainstreaming==
Like most everything else regarding autism, psychology, and, well, anything, Chris doesn't understand this. The ultimate goal of mainstreaming is to allow the patient to live as independently as possible in a normal environment, rather than being dependent on a caretaker to adapt the environment to suit the needs of the patient. In other words, adapt the autistic to live in the real world, as opposed to adapting the real world to fit the autistic. What mainstreaming means to Chris is to just not do any therapy at all and dump the kid into a world he/she cannot handle after being in retard day camp for a few years. It's amusing that Chris parrots good advice without actually knowing what it means. [[User:Anonymous one|Anonymous one]] 15:56, 2 April 2011 (PDT)

==Parental age==
There are studies showing a significant statistical correspondence between age of the parents (particularly the father) and the incidence of autism in the offspring. (Some studies show no correlation, but most authorities accept the theory.) [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect#Autism_spectrum_disorder Wikipedia link] This probably deserves mention on the page, but I'm not sure where to put it. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 14:58, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

==Potential trouble for our autistic hero?==
http://t.co/pbwjRmpY --[[User:ItLurksInTheWalls|ItLurksInTheWalls]] 15:07, 25 January 2012 (PST)
:[[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|Not a forum]]. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 16:06, 25 January 2012 (PST)

== Connection With Obesity? ==

[http://www.latimes.com/health/la-he-autism-obese-mothers-20120409,0,1741964.story This LA Times story] talks about a link between fat ass pregnant women and autistic children. Is this worthy of mention? --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 21:42, 9 April 2012 (PDT)
:Barbara appears significantly thinner in older pictures than she does in more recent ones, so I doubt there's any connection.[[User:Bzam|Bzam]] 20:46, 25 November 2012 (PST)

List of Chris's lies

2012-11-26T03:31:32Z

Bzam: He didn't say it didn't happen, he said he didn't remember her. Normally with Chris this wouldn't mean much, but given how he obsesses over his "gal-pals" from high school, forgetting a girl who actually kissed him is pretty unlikely.

{{Protip|STOP PIPING TO "LIE" AS IT IS EXTREMELY OVER-PIPED. Try piping to something more specific and only pipe to "Lie" when nothing else works. The "Fail" article has been deleted as a result of being overpiped, and you certainly don't want this article to be deleted as well.}}

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], lying during the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face. This trait was likely inherited from his mother [[Barb]], whose dishonesty [[Cole Smithey E-mails|was described]] by [[Cole Smithey]] as "pathological".

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. [[CWC_Update_26_January_2009|going to Redmond]]). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|Rule 34]] of [[Megan]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[TRUE and HONEST]].

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence. The end result is a compulsive liar who is about as sly as a two-year-old who has been caught with both hands in the proverbial cookie jar screaming his head off about how he wasn't trying to steal anything whilst bits of cookie fly out of his mouth.

As of recently, Chris has taken to calling his lying "misspeaking". Instead of accepting that someone has busted him on his BS, he prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this new ploy.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==
* In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that [[nudes|nude]] photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat #2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
* For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet, if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]], where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> He even said that they had a date together at Taco Bell and shared his first kiss with her. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13|Mailbag #13]], he says that he has "no recollection of a Chloe."
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
* When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
* Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely.
* In an e-mail,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] - "Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, 'I Love You' to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me."</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
* He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
* Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
* Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge|''SingStar'' Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the ''SingStar'' Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
* Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]].
* Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's ''SingStar'' Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
* In [[Mailbag 14|Mailbag #14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
* In [[Mailbag 25|Mailbag #25]], Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the Internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
* Chris began receiving e-mails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
* In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
* On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
* During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also, during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
* Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first." Episode #17, which was written long before ''Asperchu'' even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
* When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with ''Sonichu''; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|video game]] about ''[[Sonichu]]'', nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
* Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and, in fact, complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
* Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the Internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into The GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
* Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about The Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths, and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and The Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally...[[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a.) [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b,) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c.) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
* In [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the U.S. military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original e-mail. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
* In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
* Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
* In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|an e-mail exchange with Jackie]], he claims his [[Duck|penis]] is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
* Chris told [[Vivian Gee]] that he read her book, ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', when, in reality, he gave it to [[Rocky Shoemaker|his pastoral counselor]], and never touched it beyond that.<ref>[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]</ref>
* In the [[Miyamoto emails]], Chris claims he never sexually harassed [[Megan Schroeder]], despite drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], and Megan repeatedly having told Chris to stop touching her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007]]</ref>
* On the [[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia]] forum, he said that if homosexuals 'kept it behind closed doors', he wouldn't bother them. Aside from his well-known issues with [[Homos]], his comic states that if he had the power, he'd constantly [[Magi-Chan|be on the lookout for homosexual activity]], and punish them to suit.
* In [[You're Always Pretty]], Chris told his mother he was taking pictures of her, when he was really video taping her.
* When Chris informed his [[mother]] that he [[PS3#Destruction|destroyed his PS3]], he told her that the machine was already malfunctioning before he smashed it to bits. In reality the PS3 was still operational when Chris decided to put it out of use.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref>
* When he held the [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|lemonade stand]], he claimed that his father died of cancer, when it fact, he died of complications from heart failure.

==Sources==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

Chris and death

2012-11-25T18:19:42Z

Bzam: /* Ryan Cash (1996-2008) */

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace?]]
{{Quote|Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.|Chris on the late [[PandaHalo]].<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}

'''Death''' is a concept that Chris has a notably hard time understanding and/or coping with, be it the death of a human or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even a [[Simonla Rosechu|fictional character]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy, and childish thought patterns. Children often don't understand death, usually just thinking it's "like sleeping forever" or "just leaving." Chris, being a child inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to understand death.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==
===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d. 2001)===
In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of 1 [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde]] and says that he is as weak as the [[Wikipedia:World Trade Center|Twin Towers]]. He then shows the mouse cursor crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects.

===[[Patti Chandler]] (1988-2006)===
Patti was Chris's pet dog, and she died in June 2006. Chris apparently drew a picture of a crying Sonichu face on the signature confirming the euthanasia process.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti&diff=4455&oldid=4454 Eulogy for Patti] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref> As seen in the image used in this article, Patti also appeared in the comic, immortalized as a furry character named [[Patti-Chan]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]].

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Not surprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended. In [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]], he equates Ryan Cash's death with Patti's, and in the [[Father Call]], he equates the death of Matthew Devoria's mother in the 9/11 attacks.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. On the one year anniversary of her death, Chris even broke down in tears and had to be consoled by his mother.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris is sad about Patti]]</ref> By comparison, the "death" of any Sweetheart will result in a few days of mourning at best.

It should be noted though that despite all of Chris's fondness for Patti, her memory was still not safe from being [[It's not that cold|defiled by him]].

===RocketFox's Dad (1966-2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. [[Ryan]]'s death and Chris's reaction cemented this.

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981-2008)===
A former heartsweet of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the ''Sonichu'' characters mourn the loss of their professor.

===[[Ryan Cash]] (1996-2008)===
Ryan was Clyde's brother who was a huge fan of [[Sonichu]]. After the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. Chris, of course, [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|reacted to this]] in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marveling at his power to incite suicide. He also suggested that Clyde get a girlfriend who could make him just as happy as Ryan could have, which (disturbing implications aside) indicates that Chris seems to regard people as more or less fungible. This also helps explain why Chris seems to be able to move on so quickly when one of his online "heartsweets" meets some unfortunate demise.

===[[PandaHalo]] (d. 2009?)===
Despite her being thousands of kilometers away from the bushfires, Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another sweetheart to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref>.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her, not realizing that burning is an incredibly painful way to die.

More recently, Chris "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork.

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May attempted suicide over Mumble.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told Julie (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out]] to her on a YouTube video, with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. The only reason he offered as to why she shouldn't commit suicide was that he would be sad without her.

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936-2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also [[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]], a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes. Needless to say, Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt.

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails, the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow.

===[[Clyde Cash]] (1976-2009)===
In early [[2009]], Christian seemed to be aware that Clyde Cash was supposedly dead, though he was suspicious of the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] Clyde in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009]], just in case.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958-2009)===
In the video [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for MAYS's death, and loudly denies that BILLY had ever been the mayor of [[CWCville]]. He doesn't even offer his condolences to MAYS's family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that MAYS was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris.

In ''Sonichu'' #9, Chris slaps in a one-page intro with BILLY saying that he was never was the Mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon."

===[[Ivy]] (1992-2009)===
Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video as a memorial. Yes, a poorly sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop/punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's failures.

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into issue #9. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of [[Slaweel]] and some weird faux-[[Transformers]] actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for Patti and BILLY.

===[[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo]] (d. 2009)===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss|mailbag]], Chris was asked by a [[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|troubled fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.|Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another woman right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|The obituary that Chris didn't even bother to read.]]

===Mike Jackson (1969-2010)===

Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters asking for advice, and then begging for help after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It was revealed in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]] that Chris didn't even view Mike's obituary page, and his [[Mailbag 56#In which Chris isn't sorry at all|response]] to Mike's grieving son was all of three words long.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his dog. Finally, after being faced with the threat of legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in issue #10, though not before she laid an egg out of wedlock with her baby-daddy [[Wild]] (though, of course, the act of laying the egg was never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''. Simonla's death was as real to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

===[[Chandler Cats#Desi|Desi]] and [[Chandler Cats#Skittles|Skittles]] Chandler (precise date of deaths unknown; no later than 10 April 2010)===

In an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]], he [[Jackie E-mails#Chris is lazy, Hates simple chores|mentions having three cats]] (Lucy, Kitty and Scamper), despite the fact that he was previously known to have had two additional cats (Desi and Skittles). This suggests that by the time of the correspondence both had died, or had at least departed from [[14 Branchland Court]] in some other way. No documentation exists of Chris's reaction to their loss.

===[[Wikipedia:Murder of Yeardley Love|Yeardley Love]] (1987-2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for [[UVA]] who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on TV for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for smoking. Later in the video, [[Chris and His Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's not a bad man. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew in an attempt to make himself look good.

===[[Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1927-2011)===
After a long battle with cancer, Bob's life came to an end while he was being hospitalized in the [[wikipedia:Martha Jefferson Hospital|Martha Jefferson Hospital]]'s ICU.<ref>http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref> Chris's reaction to his father's death is so far unknown. However, the fact that on the day Bob died Chris posted an online [[attraction sign]] in the form of a [[Facebook#What I am looking for in a woman|facebook note]] reflects poorly on him.

In a March 31, 2012 Facebook message, Chris expressed a desire for Bob's ghost to haunt the dreams of anyone who doesn't like him, putting him on the exact same level as his dead dog. While this was an understandable reaction to discovering "plans" that trolls were going to dig her up, or discovering a webcomic that contained what he considered a mockery of her memory, his threat to send Bob's ghost after people is equal parts disrespectful and unreasonable.

===Chris himself (1982-)===
Given Chris's notoriously [[Obesity|bad diet]], lack of [[Chris and Health|activity]], [[14 Branchland Court|hygiene]] or [[Chris and the Internet|social interaction]], on top of a complete lack of [[Fuck Quest|motivation]] or [[Chris and Remorse|concern]] for anything other than himself, it is generally considered unlikely that Chris will live very far into his forties should he persist in his current lifestyle.

However, there is a likelihood that like [[Bob]], who had suffered from (and eventually passed away as a result of) [[Heart level|heart failure]] and [[alcohol]]ism, he may be genetically dispositioned to lead a long, albeit miserable life. In comparison though, Chris's own death is naturally [[Chris and his Ego|the only one that immediately concerns him]], since it would be the only thing that would put an end to his [[Love Quest]] once and for all.

Chris once mentioned that he had been receiving [[Dreams|recurring visions]] of himself walking into a bright light, which he one day hoped would be prevented from appearing by getting a [[sweetheart]]. However, judging by how unlikely it is that he will ever enter any meaningful relationship with someone within his [[Attraction Sign|obsessive standards]] and willing to put up with him and his numerous faults, these visions will most likely persist until the inevitable day it comes true.

===Various ancestors===
Chris claimed that, at Aunt Corrina's funeral, his ancestors wished him a safe [[Ohio trip|trip to Ohio]] to meet Julie.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Dead]]

Slow-in-the-minds

2012-11-25T17:59:10Z

Bzam:

{{Quote|I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional [sic]; it would be like looking through a Window to Hell to me.|Chris on other autistic people, [[IRC (17 December 2008)]]}}

[[Image:FavorDaStraights.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu]] is also a slow-in-the-mind]]

"'''Slow-in-the-minds'''" and "'''slow minded'''" are [[CWC-isms]] that refer to developmentally disabled, cognitively delayed, crazy, and/or generally unintelligent people. (Other than [[Chris]] himself, of course.) The term was first seen in [[Chris]]'s school project "[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]."

"Slow-in-the-minds" hits a fine trifecta of points. One, it displays Chris's arrogance, seeing as how it applies to so many classes of people, all of whom he considers "slower" than he. Two, it shows Chris's lip-service attention to fitting in to society, since it's a piss-poor euphemism on its own and even worse when used in a school project. Three, there's a delicious irony in Chris decrying students who are "slow in the mind", even though his own mental aptitude is dubious.

In a number of responses from the [[Mailbag]], Chris has explained that he finds the mentally challenged (especially those who also have physical [[duck|deformities]]) creepy, and likens them to zombies.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref> Chris's bigotry extends to his fellow [[Autism|autistics]] — he speaks in incredibly cruel and derisive terms about the various mental and physical problems that are thrust upon these innocent individuals, whereas he (as a self-proclaimed "[[Chris and his Ego|high-functioning]]" autistic) is pure and clean.

Despite that he seems to hardly consider low functioning autistics human, he often styles himself as a spokesperson for autism, making a stand against [[Asperger Syndrome]] in the non-existent conflict beetween autism and Aspergers. This delusion is made most apparent in the [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article on Aspergers]]. It has been suggested he says this to make himself look good and complain that he should be receiving the care and attention that those with Aspergers receive.

Chris seems to interpret the "high-functioning" part of his diagnosis as a compliment, giving him the best of both worlds ... he can blame any of his shortcomings on his autism, but still console himself with the fact that he's "high-functioning" and therefore better than the "slow-in-the-minds".

[[Image:Chris_and_Rule_34.jpg|thumb|Again.]]

==Uses by Chris==
Chris's use of this term has evolved over the years. Early on, he pointedly distinguished between the "slow-minded" and himself. In late 2009 and onward, however, he began referring to himself as "a little slow" or "sometimes slow," once he discovered he could use it as an excuse for his many failings.

*Chris's high-school assignment [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes the earliest known use of "slow-in-the-minds."
*[[Sub-Episode 6]], when exploring the ecology of the [[Jerkop]], notes that "slow-minded people" are susceptible to becoming Mary Lee Walsh's rent-a-cop slaves. (Chris adds that because he is, of course, not slow in the mind, he is immune to the "hypno-gun" that brainwashes the Jerkops.)
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]] features, among other things, Chris attempting to correct the "misconception" that he is a "slow-minded person."
*In a [[IRC (18 December 2008)|December 2008 IRC chat]], when asked to give an example of learning from his mistakes, Chris said, "when it was spelled out for me that a sign by my side made me look slow-minded, when clearly I am not."
*Chris mentions the same incident in a [[Chris_E-mails_2007#February|2007 e-mail]] to his old schoolteacher Virginia Sanford: "I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the 'R' Word."
*Conversing with his "fans" in [[Mumble 8]], Chris claimed, "For the record, I'm not- I'm not slow in the mind."
*While mocking a (legitimately mentally disabled) fan of his [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Naïve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|on YouTube]], Chris said, "You’re so [[naïve]] and slow in the mind."
*During the [[Father Call]], Chris says, "I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments."
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article]] on Asperger's syndrome, Chris admits that "my mentality is sometimes slow."
*While begging off from some of the difficult questions he faced in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]], Chris whines about how "Sometimes my mind's a little slow."
*In the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris referred to Virginia gubernatorial candidates [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]] and [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Creigh Deeds]] as being "not so swift."
*In [[Jackie Chat 8]], Chris admits that "I sometimes feel mentally slow."
*Likewise, in a July 2010 [[Jackie E-mails 3|e-mail to Jackie]], he says "I am sometimes mentally slow and don't get all of the details at once and such." This becomes a recurring theme in Chris's conversations with Jackie, as he repeatedly tries to use his "slow-mindedness" as an excuse. The [[Jackie E-mails 20|20th collection of e-mails]] has a few good examples.
*Talking about his high-school days in the [[Lars Call]], Chris says "Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before."

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Chris and hypocrisy]]
*[[Jackie Chat 9]], where Chris discusses his experiences on the short bus.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Sonichu 8

2012-11-25T17:08:50Z

Bzam: /* Advertisement */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #8
| cover = Sonichu8.jpg
| coverdate = 20 August 2008
| finishedcomic = 1 January 2009
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 17-18
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
| next = [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]
}}{{Honest}} 

'''''Sonichu'' #8''' is the ninth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. Based on the cover, this was originally planned as a [[Rosechu]] Spring Break special, featuring both [[Blanca Weiss]] and her character [[Jiggliami]] as introduced in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. However, by August [[2008]], Chris's focus was entirely on the [[trolls]], and that greatly altered the shape of this issue.

Chris unveiled Episode 17 in September 2008 without having first completed the entire issue, in a break from the established tradition. Rather than featuring a Spring Break story, Episode 17 presents a story of [[Sonichu]] and Rosechu fucking until they discover ''slanderous mislabelings'' on a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], whereupon Rosechu poses for nude photos of herself to prove that she doesn't have a penis. When Sonichu and Rosechu visit the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters to confront the trolls, they are accosted by uncounted lurid images before meeting the wicked [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Howell refuses their demands and kicks Sonichu's ass easily; then Rosechu strips nude for the third time and shoves her cunt in Howell's face. The purpose of this story is unclear beyond Chris's need to express his incomprehensible feelings about the world around him.

In the end, the long-awaited Spring Break story would appear as Episode 18, although it would not be completed for several more months following [[Blanca]]'s betrayal of Chris, his subsequent depression, and the massive distraction provided by playing ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Chris would not return to work on the comic until he was told of a boy named [[Ryan Cash]] who, despairing of ever seeing his beloved ''Sonichu'' comics again, committed suicide. Ryan's tragic story, and the sadness of his mourning brother [[Clyde Cash]], prompted Chris to redouble his efforts, and Rosechu finally got to go on Spring Break in the dead of winter. (Fun fact: Chris has never gone on Spring Break, has no interest in any of the activities that go on during Spring Break (with the exception of sex), and will never actually know what it's like.)

''Sonichu'' #8 proved to be highly controversial, primarily due to the hardcore sex scenes between Sonichu and Rosechu, who had previously been described as being 16 and 15, respectively. Chris rushed to include scenes in this issue that would firmly establish both characters as being of legal age to avoid accusations of child pornography.

==Development==
A few months prior to episode 18, several plot points were leaked in [[Chris Sex Logs|audio conversations]] Chris had with his then-sweetheart.
{{clear}}
==Public Service Announcement==
Before the prologue, Chris has a disclaimer where [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] explain the morals of safe sex education. A horrifying sex scene was cut out.

[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|right|thumb|The disclaimer, as it appeared originally.]]
{{clear}}
==Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"==
===Prologue===
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_1 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}}''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P1.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPMu06016Sc ''Episode 17''}}

The story opens with random proclamations from Chris:

*Sonichu turned 19 on March 17, [[2007]].
*Rosechu turned 18 on December 22, [[2006]].
*As of November 3, 2007, the pair have been living in a house in the suburbs of [[CWCville]]. The house has been fully paid for with [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]] (although new Mayor [[BILLY MAYS]] may revise this item in the CWCville budget to fund smoking and drinking laws.).

Worth noting is that Sonichu and Rosechu's house is yellow and pink, just like its occupants.

Inside, Sonichu shows off his bare ass to the reader, while Rosechu emerges from the bathroom in pink lingerie. The pair engage in disgusting pre-coital banter, which may even be post-coital, since Rosechu suggests they just got done showering together. We also learn that Sonichu has a seven-inch (18 cm) cock, and requires "double-extra length" condoms for safe sex.

The two filthy, subhuman monsters engage in what they call "Missionary Cowgirl", apparently unaware that these are two completely different sexual positions. Sonichu responds by saying, "I think I can hotshot. Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'." (The slot line is [[Things Chris has ripped off|borrowed]] from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.)

In an illusory moment of mercy, Chris interrupts the action to discuss the nature of Sonichu and Rosechu's reproductive organs. In fact, the reader is subjected to a new kind of horror, as Chris clumsily attempts to explain how naked cartoon characters can have tits and balls. For the most part, Sonichu/Rosechu biology is a sick parody of human anatomy, with the following key distinctions:

*A Rosechu's vagina or "[[china]]" is normally hidden from view by some hideous flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|psych-up]]" attack.
*[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage". This would mean that Rosechus can only nurse their young when horny.
*Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a human uterus.
*A [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]'s penis and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This presumably means Sonichu must be erect in order to urinate.
*Sex may be painful for Rosechu the first time, even causing her to bleed from her hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage."
*Sexually transmitted diseases are unheard of in the Sonichu/Rosechu population, which makes sense, given that there's fewer than twenty of the little freaks, and most of them were created abiogenetically.
*If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months," after which the Rosechu deposits an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant [[Sonee]] or [[Rosey]] hatches. This reveals that all Rosechus are [[Wikipedia:monotremes|monotremes]] (egg-laying mammals).
Chris also declares that "most" STIs can be treated and removed, although it is unclear if he is referring to human STIs or bug-eyed furfag STIs. He refers the readers to local libraries and the internet for more information, and then returns to the hideous yiffing scene in the Sonichu household.

Chris treats the readers to a cock-eye view of Sonichu's penis falling out of his pelvis. As they 69 each other, Rosechu emits disgusting blue fumes from her ungodly orifice, which Sonichu appears to savor. Sonichu finally penetrates Rosechu with his sickening yellow member, and Chris depicts numerous scenes of past intercourse between the two wretched creatures. Grasping Rosechu's tail, Sonichu pounds away at Rosechu's gaping hole, until the two finally reach orgasm simultaneously.
{{clear}}
===Rage Against the Garbage===
{{Resources
| title = Rage Against the Garbage
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_3 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}}''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P2.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPMu06016Sc ''Episode 17''}}
[[Image:Chris and Rule 34.jpg|thumb|300px|right|"[[Chris and art|They look so life-like.]]"]]
[[Image:Rosechustrips1.png|thumb]]
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|200px|right|"What a show!"]]
Twelve hours later, Sonichu seeks out even more putrid beast-sex from his sow, but Rosechu is too engrossed in her discovery of a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], which slanders the good names of not only Sonichu and Rosechu, but their father [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] as well. Rosechu shows Sonichu various drawings of them and their friends (in fact, the [[Rule 34]] images Chris himself uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]), and Sonichu mistakes them for photographs.

Rosechu goes on to show him the "apex" of the site, referring to numerous drawings of herself with male genitalia. Overcome with nausea, Sonichu vomits. Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality, Sonichu insists that Rosechu is female, and cites her photoshoot in ''PokéBoy'' magazine as proof of her gender. Thinking that the dickgirl pictures were created by mistake rather than malice, Sonichu suggests they "prove" Rosechu's womanhood to 4-cent_garbage.com's staff in person. He nearly faints with weakness, and Rosechu puts him to bed to sleep off the trauma of seeing cartoon penises on the internet.

Incensed, Rosechu decides to retaliate by producing her own amateur photoshoot and uploading it to [[4-cent_garbage.com]] to balance out the dickgirl artwork. Her efforts are fruitless, however, as even more Rosechu-with-penis drawings are uploaded all the time. Rosechu decides to consult [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for help.

At 1:45 that afternoon, Sonichu, Rosechu, and [[Wild Sonichu]] are teleported to the 4-cent_garbage.com Building in Clarksville, Tennessee, courtesy of [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]. While Rosechu seeks to confront the [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head of the company]] and protest the website, Wild has been tasked with locating one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], which Magi-Chan detected inside (likely in some feeble attempt to tie this story into the overall plot). While Sonichu contacted the mysterious head of the company to make their appointment, the only name given was "Jason." In a pathetic attempt at subtlety, Chris depicts [[Thurston Howell III]] and his wife walking down the street to hint at Jason's full name.

For no reason whatsoever, Wild expounds upon his childhood, telling some shitty story about how his father, a [[Scyther]], was captured by poachers in the jungle. He makes clear that he intends to avenge his father's death, even though he hasn't done a damn thing about it since the comic started. Wild turns invisible (a skill he learned from a passing Porygon), and slips into the building.

Sonichu and Rosechu enter through the main door, and find a [[Beel|demonic receptionist]] in the hellish atrium of the building. He rudely directs Sonichu to the seventy-second floor (66+6). In the elevator, Sonichu angrily whines about the receptionist, until Rosechu reminds him of the [[story of Joseph]], and its moral of forgiveness.

As Sonichu and his pink cum-dumpster ascend the building in the elevator, they stop occasionally to check out the [[4-cent_garbage#The_elevator_gags|strange things happening on various other floors]]. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at each floor to look at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever they see, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not.

On the thirty-sixth floor, Wild finds a Sonichu ball in an empty room. Holding both of his Balls somehow prevents Wild from using his invisibility power, or contacting [[Magi-Chan]] for extraction. Wild is left with no choice but to sneak out of the building on his own, which really isn't that big a deal, seeing as there are only three people in the whole place anyway.

On the seventy-second floor, Sonichu and Rosechu confront Jason, who introduces himself as a 20-year-old [[troll]], and his companion [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] as his "minory 17-year old woman," with whom everything he does is "illegal in these 50 states". When he bids the Electric Hedgehogs to state their case, Sonichu delivers a moving speech to convince Jason that the website needlessly drags names through the mud, and that it's morally wrong to troll innocent people. Jason responds by saying that the page will stay up forever.

Enraged, Sonichu attacks Jason, but he is no match for the troll's awesome powers. Rosechu elects to withdraw, preferring to forgive Jason since there is no reasoning with him. The two leave with their arms around each other, and Chris pointlessly interrupts the story to explain how the two crimes against nature can touch each other's spiny backs without injury.

Adding insult to injury, Jason tosses a [[pickle]] at Rosechu, striking her on the back of the head. Pushed to the breaking point, Rosechu crushes the pickle, strips nude, and leaps into the air to attack Jason.

With ferocious roars (and a good deal of [[Things Chris has ripped off#Kekko Kamen|plagiarism]]), Rosechu lands pelvis-first on Jason's head, and wraps her tail and legs around his body, SHOVING his face up her [[China|vagina]]. With sadistic glee, she claws open his head and bites down on the wound, then unleashes a powerful burst of electrical power. Sonichu even says she "had him going." Though dark forces somehow sustain Jason's life, he admits that the attack would have otherwise been fatal. Exhausted, Rosechu gathers her clothes, and leaves with Sonichu. While he is impressed with her display of raw fury, Rosechu is horrified at her primal rage, and makes some mention that she "transformed" into "[[The Incredible Lioness|some monster]]," expressing concern that "this thing" won't overtake her again. If Sonichu were a better comic, this might be interpreted as foreshadowing, but since it's Chris, there is a 99.9% chance that this will never be mentioned again.

Outside, the three Hedgehogs reunite, and [[Magi-Chan]] teleports them back to [[CWCville]].
{{clear}}

===Epilogue===

Later, Rosechu hosts a gathering of other Rosechus to protest [[4-cent_garbage.com]] and uphold [[Women's Rights]] by producing pornographic photoshoots. In addition to [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], and [[Lolisa]], the group is joined by [[Simonla Rosechu]], who supplies the backdrops for the shoot and volunteers her services as a model. The group is also joined by [[Zapina Rosechu]], a fourteen-year-old loli who desperately wants to [[pedofork|"volunteer her services of cuteness"]] to the project and join in the strippin' fun. Citing "the dumb laws<ref>While many argue that Chris is referring to "dumb laws" against child pornography, it is plausible he's referring to "dumb" child labor laws which would prohibit Zapina from participating in setting up lights, cameras, etc. for the photo shoot. In any case, Chris thinks it's "dumb" that a fourteen-year-old can't work, sexually or otherwise.</ref>", Rosechu refuses her help, but Lolisa offers to supervise Zapina as she uses the light from her mutant ass to illuminate the photoshoot.
{{clear}}

===Advertisement===

Chris introduces the Knothole in a [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] ad filled with [[random-access humor]]. Some might consider this a parody of a parody, which [[Parody#Hypocrisy|Chris feels is improper]]. However, Chris has cleverly pre-empted such accusations by labeling it a tribute, turning the tables on his critics with the power of his high-functional mind.
{{clear}}

==Episode 18:"Spring Break, 2008!"==
===Prologue===
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_60 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}}''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBk_MebLB0k ''Episode 18''}}
[[Image:LikeFatherLikeSon.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu squeezes and kisses Rosechu and leaves her feeling [[Megan|extremely uncomfortable]]. Like [[Christian Weston Chandler|father]], like son!]]
Apparently ''still'' concerned that someone will accuse him of being a [[Pedofork]], Chris establishes ''yet again'' that his characters are of legal age, this time by actually showing the birthday parties held for most of the main cast since Episode 17. Rosechu turns 19 on December 22, 2007. The [[Chaotic Combo]] turn 19 on February 2, 2008. Sonichu turns 20 on March 17, 2008.

Finally, [[Black Sonichu]] celebrates his birthday in a private get-together with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Blake disputes that he even has a birthday, since he was cloned from Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]] (and thus not born of a Rosechu's uterus, which is stupid because every other Soni/Rosechu were just shat out of a rainbow anyway). Bubbles, however, insists that he is a 20-year-old "starting straight with a 2-year old body". Bubbles asks Blake what he wished for and he says "It's already come true", where Chris is either butchering the classic teen film "Sixteen Candles" or the Family Guy parody of it. The two kiss, and Black Sonichu agrees to rendezvous with Bubbles at the CWCville Spring Break Concert on March 22.

Chris introduces Spring Break by ripping off a gag from a ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode, wherein Meg Griffin tries to ignore Spring Break by flipping channels, only to find that every station is covering Spring Break, including the news. Chris repeats the joke almost verbatim, except he fails to include anyone actually watching the television, thus undermining the premise. The scene is best remembered for the appearance of ''[[Excel-Saga|FQX]]'' newswoman Greta Squall, a hideously deformed woman with club-like arms and scars on her face which look like the numeral "2".
{{clear}}
===Spring Break, 2008!===
{{Resources
| title = Spring Break, 2008!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_66 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}}''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBk_MebLB0k ''Episode 18''}}
The story proper opens with [[KCWC]] DJs [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] covering the event.

{{quote|We have a lot of great events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor, Mr. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] that [[CWCville]] is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or somkey! We've got coolers and kegs full of our famously delicious [[CWC-Cola]], Diet CWC-Cola, Lemonade, Grape and Orange Soda, compliments of our local CWC-Cola Bottling Company, founded and opened proudly in 1985; three years after CWCville was founded by our mayor's father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] You can enter to win a 40-inch Sony HD-TV from Cwick-Circuit City, or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept. Also tonight, our rising star, [[Jiggliami]] will be singing her debut single, "War of Love" on the concert stage here at CWCville Beach. So stay tuned to CWCville, [[Virginia]]'s number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more!|Jamsta Sonichu, desperately craving nicotine and liquor}}

Almost immediately, Lolisa excuses herself to take a swim.

On the stage, Jiggliami and [[Blanca]] eagerly await their performance. As in their appearance in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], both of them babble incoherently about their music. Blanca maintains that she will wait for Chris to return from the time void — ironic, since Blanca had betrayed Chris long before this episode was uploaded to the internet.

On the beach, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy themselves. Like Franklin from [[Wikipedia:Peanuts|''Peanuts'']], characters with suntans are depicted with vertical lines for shading. When Chris does it, though, it just looks like the characters are shaking uncontrollably, teleporting, or just soaked with [[comeuppance|jizz]]. While Sonichu heads off to surf, the Rosechus lie on the beach.

For no good reason, Bubbles explains that she has no need for sunscreen, because she is incapable of tanning and impervious to sunburn. This has something to do with her being a Water-type Pokémon, her body being composed of 90% water (which would be rather unstable in the first place), and her fur being capable of adapting itself to her surroundings. This would beg the question of how ''any'' Electric Hedgehog Pokémon can tan, being covered with fur as they are. Of course, in reality [[Honor roll|water does not have that effect on the ability to tan at all]].

The Rosechus notice a mysterious black Rosechu, and later catch up with [[Megagi]] and [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[PandaHalo]] make a cameo appearance as well.

Bubbles's sunbathing is interrupted when Magi-Chan contacts her to collect a Sonichu Ball from the ocean. Before she can get up to find the ball, Black Sonichu kicks sand on the girls. Rosechu threatens to attack him, but Bubbles offers to do it herself, and pretends to force Black Sonichu away from the others. While she and Blake seem determined to hide their relationship, Rosechu and Angelica secretly know the truth, and laugh at the transparency of Bubbles's ruse.

Chris incorporates a drawing of Sonichu surfing by PandaHalo, yet he manages to dick up the continuity by drawing in different colored water around the edges of the picture. Also, Sonichu wasn't wearing his shoes earlier, but Panda's drawing shows him wearing shoes.

Elsewhere on the beach, Bubbles tells Blake of her mission to find the Sonichu Ball, and they agree to meet at Pier 969 later for disgusting sex. Little do they know that the black Rosechu from before has eavesdropped on their conversation. As she transforms into a duplicate of Bubbles, Chris introduces her as [[Silvana Rosechu]] and explains that hers was the ''sixth'' egg that emerged from the [[Rainbow]] along with the five eggs that became the Chaotic Combo. Silvana's egg wound up on the Earth's moon, where [[Count Graduon]] somehow made telepathic contact with her in [[1980s#1989|1989]]. As Mewtwo mentored the infant Magi-Chan Sonichu, so did Graduon raise Silvana. In addition to training her in the ways of evil, Graduon "upgraded" Silvana to have both male and female genitalia, and enabled her to change her shape.

In the Atlantic Ocean, Bubbles searches for the Sonichu Ball, passing by fan-favorite character [[Yawning Squirtle]], among other crappily drawn Pokémon who sing the song "Under the Sea" from ''[[Things_Chris_has_ripped_off|The Little Mermaid]]'', yet another thing Chris has ripped off.

The Ball is claimed to be 5 miles (8 km) out to sea and 2,000-5,000 fathoms (2.3 - 5.7 mi / 3,700 - 9,100 meters) below the surface, which is impossibly deep for Bubbles to dive (the deepest point of the ocean is 6.8 mi / 10,900 meters). It's likely that Chris used "fathom" (6 feet / 183 cm) as a measurement of depth without bothering to find out how big a fathom was.

Meanwhile, Black Sonichu buys condoms in anticipation of the nasty, dirty animal sex he intends to share with his revolting mate. Silvana, posing as Bubbles, meets him, and convinces him not to wear a condom. Blake agrees, never suspecting Silvana's power to ejaculate a "paralyzing sleep solution" during intercourse. At Pier 969, Blake humps the foul creature, never suspecting that cock is ramming up against Silvana's own penis, which is perhaps withdrawn inside hir vagina. Blake passes out from the effects of Silvana's cum, and she teleports him to a closet in the CWCville Beach stage. From there, she returns to Pier 969 disguised as Black Sonichu, and lays the same trap for Bubbles. What she had actually intended to ''do'' after systematically seducing and subduing the various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|recolors]] is never elaborated upon.

Before Bubbles goes to the pier, she hands off the Sonichu Ball to Angelica to ferry back to [[CWCville Mall]]. As she flies off, [[Punchy]] and Wild discuss their sex lives. Punchy wants to bang Angelica, and Wild seems uncertain what to do about his own loneliness. The two resolve to enroll in a Dating Education course offered at CWCville University, thus setting up the [[Sonichu 9|next shitty issue]].
[[File:BubblesXSilvana.jpg|thumb|Silvana's eventual goal.]]
At Pier 969, Bubbles meets Silvana, but before she can present her hindquarters for vomit-inducing copulation, she receives a telepathic message from Magi-Chan, warning her of the impostor. Why Magi-Chan knows the difference, and why he didn't warn Black Sonichu of the same thing, is left to the reader's imagination. Bubbles is skeptical at first, but Jiggliami calls to inform her that she has discovered Black Sonichu in the stage closet. When Black Sonichu himself warns her of the danger, the stupid bitch finally begins to put two and two together. Bubbles exposes Silvana by asking her to attack her with Black Sonichu's electrical powers. Despite the fact that Transform grants the user the ability to mimic all moves known by the target, Silvana instead opts to use her own psychic attack to simulate Blake's power, but Bubbles knows the difference. Silvana reveals herself, and teleports away before Bubbles can avenge Blake's manhood. Horrified, she returns to Blake's side to comfort him.

That night, Jiggliami finally performs the damned song Chris had been promoting for four months. Chris credits Blanca Weiss for composing the lyrics on August 20, 2008, which contradicts the premise of Jiggliami performing the same song on March 22, 2008. Also, the song, "War of Love", makes no sense whatsoever, and resembles the sort of crap Chris writes all the time.

As an epilogue of sorts, Chris establishes that Blanca found "her boyfriend" and returned to her home state of Kentucky, despite previously establishing that she intended to wait for Chris to return from the time void. Acknowledging his own personal life, Chris briefly discusses the three [[Trolls|women]] he was involved with during the fall of 2008. Chris claims to have been uncertain about which one to pursue, and credits God and Jesus for eliminating two of them by having [[Optimus Prime]] kill [[Sarah Jackson]], and revealing the second to be in alliance with the trolls. Presumably, this is meant to refer to Blanca, even though Chris has depicted her as his girlfriend in this very story. The third woman, [[PandaHalo]], Chris declares to be his True Sweetheart, and the person he would promise his [[sex|first time]] to, although he would abandon her for dead within two months.

In a small note on the last page, Chris acknowledges the suicide of [[Ryan Cash]], and admits a modicum of responsibility for his death.
{{clear}}
==Alternate versions==

When originally uploaded to [[Sonichu.net]], Chris offered multiple versions of the Episode 17, depending on which link the reader selected. These were based upon the ratings system used for television content.

[[Image:TVMA.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-MA''': The uncut version of the comic. It was quickly unlinked from the site; however, all files still remained available.
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TV14.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-14''': A censored version of the above comic. Mostly, this is accomplished by Chris putting photographs of bananas over Sonichu's dick, an orange over Rosechu's vagina, and blue stars on her nipples. Other objects are used throughout the issue to conceal nude pictures Chris took from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. These lousy edits can be seen [http://www.mediafire.com/?tt0s91mnmez here]
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TVY7.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-Y7''': A version which omitted many pages of the original story. Chris appears to have created "Rage Against the Garbage" with these edits in mind, as the TV-Y7 pages are numbered normally, while the pages featuring nudity and sex were lettered (e.g. page 19-A, 19-B, etc.). As the sexual content in the story was gratuitous and pointless in the first place, removing it did little to harm the quality of the work, except that the plot is significantly altered. Since Rosechu's faceraping of Jason had to be removed, the TV-Y7 version implies that Sonichu and Rosechu left peacefully, never to revisit the matter again.

Chris would rearrange the content in the TV-14 version numerous times before finally settling on a single version of the story, with most of the nudity removed and Rosechu's facerape attack left in. The hedgehog porn was reportedly removed at the request of his parents, and Chris would later add a message to his site stating his solemn vow to never again depict his characters engaged in sexual activity. This promise was soon broken when Chris created [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]] and snuck all of the deleted scenes there.

===The uncensored scenes===

By popular demand, here are the uncensored images from ''Sonichu'' #8, including the ones from Episode 17's prologue that now appear on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology CWCipedia's 'Biology' page underneath 'Reproductive Biology of Sonichu and Rosechu']. Enjoy [[mass debating|fapping]] to these, you sick fucks.

{{collapsible
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|<gallery perrow="5">
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==Gallery==
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<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 18
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==Links==

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCjgNF0NTwQ Examining Sonichu & Rosechu Audiobook]

==Sources and Notes==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Talk:Christian's sex joke

2012-11-23T09:08:46Z

Bzam:

I believe he might have mentioned this in a Sonichu's News Dash. Need to find out if that's the case. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:00, 17 March 2009 (CET)

Shouldn't much much saltier link to [[Navy]]? Also, this joke has made humanity on the whole that much less funny just by it's very existence.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:00, 20 October 2009 (CEST)
**The 'saltier' part is directly stolen from Excel Saga, that's why it links there. If he'd actually made it up (which is beyond him, as it was actually witty in context), then you'd probably be correct. --[[User:LizardPie|LizardPie]] 07:55, 20 October 2009 (CEST)
::*Also, "milk" links to [[semen]] already which is more appropriate, since that explains the joke. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:10, 20 October 2009 (CEST)

Also added by Chris in [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 this ED edit]. Need to add that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:41, 15 November 2009 (CET)

== So where is it from? ==

Pardon my rampant scepticism, but this joke just ''screams'' "my my, what an old joke" and "possibly unearthed in Luxor by a crack team of Egyptologists in 1926". Especially if Chris has used this ''repeatedly''. So where is the joke really from? --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 23:02, 1 March 2010 (UTC)

*It's so stupid, bad, and phenomenally unfunny he may just have come up with it on his own. --[[User:DStecks|DStecks]] 00:49, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
** Eh, he's not clever enough to come up with this, but it's not as if he directly stole it either. This joke is way too old to put a source to it. It's probably something he learned from Bob, who would've known the joke back in a time when it was a little randy, not completely pathetic as it is today. --[[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 22:53, 4 June 2010 (UTC)

== Second joke? ==

The Me_and_Panda_Bear_by_SonichuSite.jpg image appears to reference another (very old) joke. Specifically, "offered and honored my feelings" seems an odd turn of phrase even by CWC standards unless it's a reference to "She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long he was honor and offer." The way it's used implies that he may heard the joke without really understanding it. [[User:Bzam|Bzam]] 01:08, 23 November 2012 (PST)