CWCki - User contributions [en]

Christmas

2011-12-25T09:03:13Z

CFMM: /* Notable Christmases in Chris's life */

[[Image:MerryCWCmas.jpg|right|thumb|Merry C-Mas to all the [[trolls]], [[JERKS]], [[homos]], [[niggos]] and [[jerkops]] out there!]]

'''Christmas''', or as [[Chris]] sometimes [[CWC-isms|retardedly calls it]], '''C-Mas''',<ref>[[Sonichu's News Dash]]</ref> is one of our hero's favorite of all holidays. He always celebrates it at [[14 Branchland Court|home]] with his family, and often mentions it in his fail-tastic comics and videos.

==Christmas in the Chandler family==
[[Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|right|thumb|Bob and little Chris remembering Jesus.]]
{{quote|We celebrate like normal; a decorated tree, get-together, remembering [[Jesus]] and all.|ChrisChanSonichu, [[Mailbag 2#Holidays with the Chandlers|Mailbag #2]].}}

Despite Chris's insistence that Christmas is a time for family, [[Cole Smithey]], an atheist, does not take part in the traditional Chandler family celebrations, instead staying with his wife's family in California.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

The Chandlers keep a Christmas tree and decorations in their [[kitchen]] year-round because they are too lazy to change it.

[[File:CWCmasStockings.jpg|right|thumb|The stockings were hung from the chimney with care.]]

{{Incomplete}}

==Santa Claus'''''e''''' [sic]==
[[Image:ChrisSanta.jpg|right|thumb|Chris wishes he were as much of a man as Mr. "Clause" is.]]
{{quote|[2008-12-15 07::03:20] EXKeine: Christmas is coming up, so... do you believe in Santa Claus? [2008-12-15 07::03:40] ChrisChanSonichu: yep.|Chris on Santa Clause [sic], [[IRC (15 December 2008)]].}}
{{quote|It’s been over a week since my [[PVCC|SUSPENSION]]; I am [[Stress|DEPRESSED]], [[Love Quest|LONELY]], SAD and BORED! I have [[Attraction Location|nowhere to go]] to attract a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free woman]]. I’ll be writing to Santa Clause [sic] this year, hoping that will bring me one. (8(|[[CWC's Diary]] for September 26, 2004, Chris acting like the 22-year-old grown-up man he is.}}
{{quote|Or for— since it's Christmas time, let's make like I'm Mister— yo' Misses Claus. I have a...good ole heat, 'cuz I took...a bit o'...[[Chris and sex|Viagra]]. Bam, ba-bam, bam, ho, ho-OH!|Chris RPing as The Man, [[iPods Down and Listen Up]].}}
{{quote|I did not say that I was taking Viagra; I was stating that in that role-play, Santa would be taking that.|Chris, [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag #20]], on Kris Kringle's erectile dysfunction.}}

"Santa Clause" [[Chris and English|[sic]]] (not to be confused with [[wikipedia:The Santa Clause|the movie that takes this spelling]]) is a being associated with Christmas, whom many children believe in, especially in Western countries. However, most of them actually stop believing in Santa around the age of four (according to surveys), most often when they find out it was actually [[Bob Chandler|their father]] with a [[Rollin' and Trollin'|fake beard]].

Chris, being the immature manchild he is, claims that he still believes in "Santa Clause" [sic], despite being technically 28 years old. He even put Santa's name on his [[JERKS#The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate|List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate]], which may imply that he: a) believes "Santa Clause" [sic] is real, b) believes Santa is a manly male man capable of landing himself a girlfriend (see also the [[Mailbag 20#Viagra roleplay and something about Santa Claus|Mailbag quote]] above). Also worth of note is the fact that Chris chose to put Santa's name on the list before [[God]] and [[Jesus]]...because, come on, these two [[JERKS]] never brought him even the tiniest presents!

Of course, all this doesn't necessarily mean that Chris actually ''does'' believe in Santa. Chris probably maintains this line because he ''wants'' to believe it and maintain memories of the happy Christmases of his childhood. For Chris, who still plays with da [[Lego]]s, professing a belief in Santa is "cute" and shows that he is "young at heart", one of his favorite traits.

In a 2010 [[Jackie e-mails Part 1|e-mail exchange]] with a woman, Chris stated that he [[Honor roll|learned]] Santa wasn't real around age fifteen or sixteen, but finally "gave up on him" at 24 after he failed to bring him a girlfriend for the third year in a row.

==Presents Chris gives, wishes for, and receives==
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '95]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas '96]]
{{quote|My father likes Brach's Maple Nut Goodies, and my mother likes chocolate, so some edible treats of that variety is [[Obesity|a good suggestion]].|[[Mailbag 6#For the man who has everything|Mailbag #6]], on what he planned to give his parents for Christmas, 2009.}}

==Christmas-related songs and merch==

Chris also got the name of his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]] from singing a 1950's Christmas song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, which actually [[Autism|says a lot about Chris]].

He also seems to have an affinity for the song "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]", as he raged like an idiot because the word [[homos|gay]] should only be used in context of "happy", as in the song.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

==Other confessions==
Being the totally sensitive and tolerant person he is, Chris in his ''[[Sonichu]]'' Christmas special (the [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|text]] and [[Sonichu 11|comic]] versions) mentions the ways [[CWCville]] citizens of different faiths (that is, "Jewish folk", Buddhists, possibly [[Niggos|black people]], and "a few humbuggers") celebrate their own wacky versions of Christmas.

===Haunaka/Chaunaka/Konica/Chanukkah [sic/sic/sic/sic]===
{{quote|Cera continues with a question, holding a cookie in a zip-loc bag, "I've invited Kevin too; do you think he'll like this candle-shaped cookie I made for him? He told me he was Jewish, and I thought it would be appropriate." Rosechu replies, "I think he'll love it. You have made it really special with the white frosting for the wax and the yellow for the flame. Uh, what kind of cookie was it again?" "Vanilla", replies Cera, "I felt it best to keep it neutral, in case he was allergic to the peanut butter or chocolate." "Very Smart," says Rosechu with a smile, exchanging a high-five with Cera.|''[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]'', Act I}}

"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Haunaka]]"/"[[IRC (22 December 2008)|Chaunaka]]"/"[[Holiday Greetings|Konica]]"/"[[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|Chanukkah]]"/whatever, is a holiday [[CWCville]] "Jewish folk" celebrate while most other citizens celebrate Christmas. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" [sic] Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah, called a "Hanukkiah", has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when [[Sonichu]]'s daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one, because Jews love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! That Cerah couldn't choose a more obvious Hanukkah symbol (such as a Menorah or a dreidel) over a ''generic candle'' shows that Cerah has extremely poor knowledge of even the most basic of Jewish traditions known in the Gentile world. That, and she's an ignorant retard like Grandpa.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating ''fried'' foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you - he just wanted to make sure that the cookie was hypoallergenic. Because Jews are Melvins who have many allergies, you see.

In [[IRC (22 December 2008)]] Chris listed "Haunaka" and "Chaunaka" as two different holidays, probably belonging to different religions. In his [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]], he does nearly the same thing, saying "happy Hanukkah, Chanukkah, all the other holidays to everybody of other religions".

===Jolly Buddah [sic]===

{{quote|Christmas Trees are abound most everywhere: in the homes of the townfolk, [[CWCville Mall|in the stores]], [[CWCville Mayoral Office|in the offices]], and the biggest one in the center of [[McIntire Park|CWC-Central Park]]. Some have Menorah Candles, or even a Jolly Buddah [sic].|[[Sonichu 11|A Sonichu Christmas]] (the comic version)}}
{{quote|All the churches are full with all the believers, be they Christians, Jewish folk, Buddhists, and such.|[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]] (the text version)}}

From what we know, Buddhism is one of the religions Chris tolerates, and so he sometimes mentions it as a display of his "religious sensitivity". However, he probably doesn't know jack shit about Buddhism, and assumes that since Buddhists are all "good-hearted believers", they undoubtedly should celebrate Christmas in some way! So, in [[CWCville]], Buddhists celebrate their Buddhist Christmas by going to their Buddhist churches on starting December 12, and having a "Jolly Buddah" instead of a Christmas Tree.

By coincidence, Christmas is actually a popular holiday in some primarily Buddhist countries (such as [[anime|Japan]]). However, it's rare for celebrators to give the time special religious significance specific to their religion. Similar to how Halloween is celebrated in America based solely on the customs with practically no emphasis on the religious practices that started the holiday, so too do many Buddhists enjoy Christmas just as an excuse to put up lights and give each other gifts.

===Kawanza [sic]===

Little is known of what Chris thinks about [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|"Kawanza"]] [sic] and the related rituals, except that he [[IRC (22 December 2008)|once]] congratulated his [[trolls]] with this holiday (among others), misspelling its name in the process.

===Other faiths===

Chris doesn't say (or care, probably), what Muslims, Orthodox Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Baha'is or Atheists do in CWCville on Christmas Day. Probably they're the "few humbuggers" whom Chris derides for not celebrating C-mas/Haunaka/Kawanza/whatever those wacky Buddhists celebrate.

==Notable Christmases in Chris's life==

===1989 or 1992===
[[Image:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|GodBear, directing his Chorus of AngelBears]]

On Christmas Day, 1992 (other sources claim it happened in [[1989]]), Chris got probably the most dumbfounding present in his whole life, and from [[Christopher's name change|GodBear]] himself, no less. While strolling with [[Bob Chandler|his father]] through the Regency Square Mall, Christopher, as he was called at the time, encountered a band of bears playing some Christmas songs. The boy chatted the director bear (called Leonard Bearstein) up, and being half-deaf from the cacophonic (read: shit) music they played, the stupid bear mistakenly named him "[[Christopher's name change|Christian]]".

The little autistic saw that as an "OMG sign from God!!!" and a few months later [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|got his name legally changed to "Christian"]]. And thus, as some researchers tend to think, has the epic saga of fail [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|begun]].

===[[2004]]===

{{quote|[[Stress sigh|[Chris sighs] ]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler — by the way, you can [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|call my Chris]] in public—and... thank you.|Emo Chris, [[So Need a Cute Girl]].}}
{{quote|I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to share my love, oh. I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to kiss under the mistletoe.|Chris, the poetic [[geinus]].}}

This Christmas, Chris expected to get: a) a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] from "Santa Clause" [sic], b) an [[Chris and remorse|apology]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Not surprisingly, he didn't get either, and became [[Stress|depressed]].

Earlier in December, he dedicated two different songs to the first of these two wishes: [[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]] (written on December 4) and [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]] (recorded on Christmas 20). The same day as the latter, Chris also recorded another song, the famous [[So Need a Cute Girl]], which was probably dedicated to the same thing.

If "Santa Clause" [sic] really exists, this proves that he's a major [[JERK]], or that he doesn't tie up girls and leave them under trees as gifts for horny manchildren.

===[[2005]]===
[[Image:0790-CMas05-5.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's Christmas 2k5]]
{{quote|Although I really don't mean to be cold but please don't try and advance kissing on me please. The truth is I don't want a boyfriend because I don't desire and idolize boys like other girls. I enjoy being indepentant. So you see what I mean? It's certainly nothing personal towards you. I'm just a girl who doesn't care about loving guys. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them though.|[[Megan]] on 20 December 2005, trying to be diplomatic with Chris.}}

Chris was probably [[stress]]ed as hell, because just a few days before his [[gal-pal]] and attempted [[sweetheart]] [[Megan Schroeder]] told him she doesn't like him [[Rape|trying to kiss her]], and that she [[Homo|doesn't want to have a boyfriend at all]]. Just to add insult to injury, "Santa Clause" [sic] brought him a shitty pirate ripoff instead of a genuine Lego set that year. No boyfriend-free girl under the tree this year either.

<gallery>
Image:077-StarOnTree.jpg
Image:078-StarFront.jpg
Image:079-StarBack.jpg
</gallery>

===[[2007]]===
[[Image:Fakeout-makeout2.jpg|right|thumb|Chris and Kimmi.]]

On December 26, Chris bought himself [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|a pretty girlfriend]] called [[Kimmi]], who would become a rival to his longtime [[Sex toys|artificial heartsweet]] [[Officer Nasty]], on [[Adamandeve.com]]. Probably because "Santa Clause" [sic] didn't bring him one this year, either.

To compliment the sex doll, Chris also bought a "Vintage XXX Cartoons DVD/CD", and received "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and "Playboy Magazine Digital Edition DVD/CD" for free. The fact that Chris specifically sought something as bizarre as vintage porn cartoons to [[mass debating|fap]] his crooked [[duck]] to, for some reason, sits fine with all the other weird aspects of his twisted personality.

However, being unsatisfied with fantasizing about naked women drawn in the 1960s, Chris went to Adamandeve.com again soon after New Year's Day, and purchased some more XXX-rated Holiday Gifts for himself. These include: a "2008 Adam & Eve Calendar", a "[[Card games|Romance Roulette Card Game]]" (which Chris probably plays as [[Virgin with Rage|solitaire]]), and, the strangest one of the bunch, a "Carmen Boob Mousepad", whatever that is. He also got some free items as well, namely a "XXX Pleasure Seekers DVD/CD" and, most notably, the infamous "Anal Love Beads", which would become a popular theme for [[trolling]] Chris in the upcoming year.

===[[2008]]===

Chris got "a couple of [[DVD]]s, Bee Movie on Blu-Ray, [[Obesity|assorted chocolates]] and [[Bob Walks In|a calming family moment]]" ([[IRC (28 December 2008)]]); in Chris's words, it was "simple, nothing extravagant". Bob outdid himself with a gift to [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] overshadowing Sonichu in over-the-top symbolism. "He gave her an arranged box of ornaments, with tags attached to them; each one representing her blessings; three angels, me, dad and my half-bro, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]]. Ones for [[Ruckersville]], Red Oak, [[Chandler Cats|our cats]], and one for her." (Chris, on [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]).

===[[2009]]===

Chris took the time to send [[Kill De Jack|warm wishes]] to a [[Jack Thaddeus|dear friend]]. He also received chocolate and [[video games]] from [[Mailbag 24|his family]].

===[[2010]]===

Since Chris [[100 2357.MOV|took a break]] from the Internets to spend more time with his family, we didn't hear. He bought a ton of games in [[January 2011]], so he probably got PSN vouchers.

===[[2011]]===

Due to [[28 October 2011|Chris' decision to trespass at The Game Place and Barb's decision to assault an officer]] Chris' Christmas in 2011 will be spent amid court appearances and the fear of potentially going to jail. It will also be Chris' first Chrismas sans-Bob.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*"[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"
*"[[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]]"
*[[Holiday Greetings]]
*"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]"
*[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
*[[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|A Very ''Asperchu'' Christmas]]
*[[Halloween]]
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV

2010-07-21T18:33:17Z

CFMM: /* Fan videos */

{{Honest}}
[[File:Ima42Bust.jpg|thumb|Chris's measurements.]]
'''For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV''' is a video leaked 21 [[April 2010]] for [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] in which [[Chris]] demonstrates how he would pleasure her orally and reveals his [[muscle bra|sports bra]], showing off his creepiness on a level not seen since the [[Ivy]] saga.

Chris, wearing a new [[shirt]] bearing a message contradictory to his claims that he is not a [[homo]], begins by apologizing to Jackie for introducing her to the [[CWCki]] (perhaps seeking to avoid another [[The Wallflower|Wallflower]] incident) and trying to explain what he believes happened with Ivy and [[Vanessa Saga|Vanessa Hudgens]]. Chris attempts to sound sincere but, as always, fails miserably. Things only go from bad to worse as Chris demonstrates how he would "pleasure" her [[Chris and sex|orally]]; Chris's voice gets noticeably more excited as he explains this. He even goes so far as to show how he would [[fail|use his tongue as well]]. This, unfortunately, goes on for a good minute. At one point, Chris seems to [[Mumble 8|forget who he's talking to]] and refers to Jackie as Ivy. Chris ends the video by explaining how he has a belly and man-boobs - he seems slightly more willing to admit this fact than he did back in [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]] - and reveals that he wears a [[muscle bra|sports bra]]. To make it even more pathetic: Chris actually fills it in.

Chris, in a surprising move, did not upload the video to [[YouTube]] but instead used MediaFire. He believes this will keep anyone from getting a hold of the video, neglecting the idea that Jackie herself would circulate it.
{{-}}
==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wEKLxgRJnAc}}
| stardate = 21 April 2010
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{MountAndDoMe|text}}, {{Cwcbra2|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]
| next = [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hey, Jackie, it's me Christian. I'm doing this video for you 'cause upload to th- da MediaFire. Hopefully uh, [[trolls]] will not get that to there. I mean, yeah, I have not tried MediaFire before. But, yeah, I do have a friend that recommends it as well, so, for you I'll try it.

[''Removes [[glasses]], rubs the bridge of his nose'']

Well, first half of the video though uh, yeah, let me apologize for uh, yeah, that thing I- for even leading you to the [[CWCki]]. I just wanted to let you know 'bout what happened to me before. I just felt concerned about that, but- and then with that uh, reading what you read on Ivy's page, yeah, I was wrong. I forgot one detail of that- that detail. Yeah, it was uh- supposedly I was talking to uh, this [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who was like coming onto me really- really well online and I had- I held in with my self-restraint as best as I could. For a long time. And then she's kinda, talked me into it a little bit.

[''A digital tone goes off''] Ignore that. [''Gets up and turns it off, returns to chair''] Eh, that's my cell phone. Hmm. Let me just talk care of that real quick. [''holds up cell phone, apparently silences or turns it off''] Anyway uh, yeah. I did make a video apologizing to Ivy for that, at least, you know, I could man up and admit when I made such a mistake as that. And that was in the past. And I'm sorry- did not mean to- I did not mean to lie to you, I swear. I jus- I just forgot that one detail.

Anyway, as for that, uh, the quote-unquote Vanessa Hudgens actually this- was actually in reality this uh [[Chris and Race#Hispanics|Spanish]] dude I know, [[Joshua Martinez]]. Yeah, just- he was- he was just basi- he was- he was pretending to be Vanessa that whole time and... [''[[sigh]], Chris's face becomes noticeably distraught''] Really ticks me off, that guy. Ehh, nother-nother- that's another story for another day though. Hmm. But anyway with that put aside uh [''perks up a little''] I'm gonna show you- I'm gonna show you some ways on how I can pleasure you [''[[Creepy stare|eyes widen]]''] orally, mmkay?

[''Shifts in chair''] Yeah, I got a few ideas like you know, we definitely [''lifts hand into frame, fidgets''] give you [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|some finger play]]. Lots of fingers. But yeah, I would just- yeah. I could be like [''Leans towards the camera, closes eyes, flicks tongue around.''] Ahh, I lick your pretty little clit there. [''Continues to pantomime sex acts''] Tickle your pussy... [''Indicates this with a gesture nowhere near the supposed area.''] Oh! And here's the fun part, I put my- I can roll my tongue. I put- I push- I put it in there [''Leans forwards, sticks out tongue''] and extend it while it's in there. Can you imagine that? [''More tongue fail, leans back in chair''] I got other ideas as well, but I just can't think of them right now. But hopefully that's now good enough for starters and to make up for that.

Any- ah, I hhave been under confusion pat- for a little while, but seriously, [[Fail|Ivy]], I really do want you. [''Firmer, failing to realize his Freudian slip''] I want you. And I do love you and I care about you, and I pray that this video does not fall into the hands of the trolls. You let me know once you got it downloaded successfully and that you're able to play it and I'll take it off of the MediaFire.

[''Brow furrows, whisper''] Oh, my gosh. [''normally''] I gotta watch myself. And also uh, another thing to make up for this uh, hmm, I'll reveal another thing about myself. I actually did- I actually uh, do have [[Obesity|a bit of a belly]], but also with that uh [''grabs manboobs''] manboobs. I'm not- I'm not t- I'm telling you this in the strictest confidence that you will not laugh at me, but when I walk they do bounce, so I have to uh [''Strips off "Mount and Do Me" shirt to reveal sports bra''] so I wear a sports bra. [''Adjusts sports bra''] Works very good, keeps 'em from bouncing. I got- I'm a 42-bust. Alright, well, I hope we can- hopefully we can move on, and resume our relationship with emotions, or otherwise restart it. I love you Jackie. Love you. [''makes kissing motion, then reaches for camera''] Talk to you later. Meet up soon [''video abruptly ends''].

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = YTP- Chris Chan explains how to pleasure a woman, also sports bra
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kJKmcdSSs7U}}
| Maker = BigJuicyx3
| Stardate = 23 April 2010
| Video Type = VG Remix
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = what the chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hwoHCXD1e1g}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 10 May 2010
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CFMM feat. Christian Chandler - "Tickle Yo' Pussay"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SXKoy8gbahc}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CFMM2 CFMM]
| Stardate = 21 July 2010
| Video Type = Remix
| Other Info = Mixed using MTV Music Generator (PC version).
}}

==See also==
*[[Jackie e-mails]]
*[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]
*[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]|nextlink=[[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2010-05-12T19:35:01Z

CFMM: /* Fan videos */

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 6 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (Solid Chris) exposes his rage against [[Liquid Chris]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Ian, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dsyhCUYJoI8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 6 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] [[Music]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC%27s_Final_Warning_to_the_Second_CWC|CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS''' Chandler!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes glasses dramatically off and throws them to the floor''] is only half the length of that track. The full length of that track is almost ten minutes. Redo the video for the full nine-minute-something length.

And commentary, you can put them in a separate video. Separate. So, sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

And another thing, Chris. Your for real- your real name as I have been told by [[Kacey]] is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that.

And another thing: [''Said while jumping up and down like a child'']

{{RageQuote|I NAME IS NOT ''IAN....'' ''....BRANNAN....'' ''....SOMETHING!!!''}}

(makes annoyed gasping sounds) I am CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL '''AND CALL ME A REAL NAME''' THAT have God has been given to me and [[Christopher's_name_change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!

Get it RIGHT! I'M Christian Weston Chandler, you are only CHRIS....CHANDLER! Your medal is made out of PAPER! The whole length of time, the REAL medal has been made out of Crayola fucking Model Magic and acrylic PAINT! If I wanted paper, I would go to Wal-mart and pay five dollars for FIVE HUNDRED SHEETS!

Redo the ten minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli- [''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually- [''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! She cares about you so much! She has told me herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a gun, Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call my by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my Spanish nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have- I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do, YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN! And I do not appreciate that! So stop it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper, look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-mart for five hundred dollar- for five dollars for five hundred sheets. Sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

[[Vivian]], our beloved resident [[Audiobook]] editor felt the need to revisit this classic video. The result is pure merriment:

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YAUTpL6ZDV4}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian]]
| Subject = [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon (that loops for 10 minutes)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tOkwQ3_lOLQ}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
| Video Type = Remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| Stardate = 2 February 2010
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CFMM feat. Ian Brandon Something - "Name (You Kicked Me In The Balls)"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UYhdW7nIhDw}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CFMM2 CFMM]
| Stardate = 27 April 2010
| Video Type = Remix
| Other Info = Mixed using MTV Music Generator (PC version).
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = i've seen cwc that'll shock your eyelids
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JJ0_cWUkQ5c}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 9 May 2010
}}
</center>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDqDIeBDCoQ Chris Chan is... MR ANDERSON]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]