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Homos

2014-06-03T22:12:40Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Hatred of homos */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people'''. He uses this term almost exclusively. He also occasionally uses phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", presumably because even saying the word "homo" makes him somewhat uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: He is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating education|Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to prevent people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fails at it), using anything from the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy where all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostituites, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain Herr Himmler had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[Gal pal|gal pals]] and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|10 March 2009]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to justify his position against homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), an author of several blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris. <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quote|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia: Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily.]]

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[CWCville|Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]].

On the February 5th, 2012 entry on his [[Facebook_statuses|Facebook page]], he mentions buying Napoleon Dynamite because he learned 'that homo Andy Dick' didn't star in it.

In a [[Facebook]] post on March 29th, 2013, Chris threw a tantrum over media coverage of homosexual unions. Ironically, he showed support towards lesbian couplings, which would totally defeat the purpose of his [[sweetheart]] search since that would mean he'd have even ''more'' competition for single women.

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed as a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with male friends all the time. As the work serves as a backstory to the villanous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah may have served as a fictional parallel to the endless accusations of homosexualty lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersprses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would begin to revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris most likely shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, although his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men.

In [[Mumble 1]], Chris declares his support for lesbians and reiterates his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating how he hates [[JERKS]] in general, and how a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris supports lesbians solely because women are beautiful and men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterates his support for lesbians and his offense to "the damn homosexual males".

==Evidence that Chris might be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the gayer he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would [[Tomgirl|rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collected [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Bluespike|Max]] told Chris to suck his dick, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "No." Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his [[Duck|duck]] when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a [[China|pussy.]] While you might be thinking that it's a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu]], a male character, on his [[duck]].
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When [[Julie_Reveals_Herself|Julie finally revealed herself]] as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|close-up picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* In the above same Trollin Train post he mentioned achieving [[Semen|Comeuppance]] before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and a bra].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When [[Bob]] learned of Chris's crossdressing, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On the 29th April, 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It%27s_not_that_cold|This video]], where Chris infamously says, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New [[Niggos|Niggas]] Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
*The fact that he uses the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to keep himself straight, implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of a gay icon will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd riddle on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the sphynx. It's worth noted that :
**[http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay.
**Lemon Cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals].
**Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage].
**Hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken].
**And the sphynx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is an [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act of oral sex], which may refer to Chris's [[duck]].
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One_Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common code for homosexuality.
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germaine to Judy Garland, a gay icon.

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[Sex toys|vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one needs not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women not to drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: He covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (We can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

Considering the large amount of blatantly homoerotic activities Chris has engaged in, it's a safe bet to say he's a self-hating closeted homosexual, and no amount of defenses will stop the man-child's suppressed urges.

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[Tomgirl]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Sailor Moon Poster of Fail

2014-06-03T22:09:52Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[Image:Poster_of_Fail.jpg|thumb|Pedofork... Prism... Power!]]

Coerced into saying he was gay on [[YouTube]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] employed several nonverbal clues to signal to his [[Trolls|fans]] that he was, in fact, straight. Among these was the '''[[Sailor Moon]] Poster of Fail''', which Chris later explained he looks at every night to help keep him straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris doesn't realize the irony he's created, as most people would use the fact a man has a poster of Sailor Moon on his [[The Wall of Originals|wall]] as evidence that he is [[Homos|gay]], not as evidence to refute it.

In typical Chris fashion, the revelation that he needed an object to remind him of his heterosexuality only served to tarnish Chris's reputation even further. This is not the first time that Chris has referred to heterosexuality as a status he struggles daily to maintain, nor is this the first indication of his [[Kimmi|sick lust for anime girls]].

What is new is that of all the posters he could have chosen, Chris uses one that prominently features [[Wikipedia:Chibiusa|Chibiusa]], [[Sailor Moon]]'s prepubescent [[Daughter|daughter from the future]]. In short, he looks at a fetishized cartoon eight-year-old to reinforce his sexual appetites. But even if he didn't, according to Wikipedia, Sailor Moon, is in fact, [[Wikipedia:Sailor Moon (character)|14-16 years old]], so it doesn't matter which one he looks at, he is still a [[pedofork]], at least in his home state of [[Virginia]].<ref>[[wikipedia:Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#Virginia|The age of consent in Virginia is 18.]]</ref>

It also has to be noted that like many young [[anime]] females, Sailor Moon's future daughter is distinctly tomboyish in appearance, which only strengthens claims that he is a [[homos|homo]] pedofork.

==See also==
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009]]
*[[Sailor Megtune]]
==References==
<references/>
{{stub}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Sailor Moon Poster of Fail

2014-06-03T22:07:37Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[Image:Poster_of_Fail.jpg|thumb|Pedofork... Prism... Power!]]

Coerced into saying he was gay on [[YouTube]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] employed several nonverbal clues to signal to his [[Trolls|fans]] that he was, in fact, straight. Among these was the '''[[Sailor Moon]] Poster of Fail''', which Chris later explained he looks at every night to help keep him straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris doesn't realize the irony he's created, as most people would use the fact a man has a poster of Sailor Moon on his [[The Wall of Originals|wall]] as evidence that he is [[Homos|gay]], not as evidence to refute it.

In typical lulzcow fashion, the revelation that he needed an object to remind him of his shaky (and possibly fictitious) heterosexuality only served to tarnish Chris's reputation even further. This is not the first time that Chris has referred to heterosexuality as a status he struggles daily to maintain, nor is this the first indication of his [[Kimmi|sick lust for anime girls]].

What is new is that of all the posters he could have chosen, Chris uses one that prominently features [[Wikipedia:Chibiusa|Chibiusa]], [[Sailor Moon]]'s prepubescent [[Daughter|daughter from the future]]. In short, he looks at a fetishized cartoon eight-year-old to reinforce his sexual appetites. But even if he didn't, according to Wikipedia, Sailor Moon, is in fact, [[Wikipedia:Sailor Moon (character)|14-16 years old]], so it doesn't matter which one he looks at, he is still a [[pedofork]], at least in his home state of [[Virginia]].<ref>[[wikipedia:Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#Virginia|The age of consent in Virginia is 18.]]</ref>

It also has to be noted that like many young [[anime]] females, Sailor Moon's future daughter is distinctly tomboyish in appearance, which only strengthens claims that he is a [[homos|homo]] pedofork.

==See also==
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009]]
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009]]
*[[Sailor Megtune]]
==References==
<references/>
{{stub}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Homos

2014-06-03T22:02:58Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people'''. He uses this term almost exclusively. He also occasionally uses phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", presumably because even saying the word "homo" makes him somewhat uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: He is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating education|Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to prevent people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fails at it), using anything from the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy where all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostituites, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain Herr Himmler had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[Gal pal|gal pals]] and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|10 March 2009]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to justify his position against homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), an author of several blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris. <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quote|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia: Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily.]]

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[CWCville|Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]].

On the February 5th, 2012 entry on his [[Facebook_statuses|Facebook page]], he mentions buying Napoleon Dynamite because he learned 'that homo Andy Dick' didn't star in it.

In a [[Facebook]] post on March 29th, 2013, Chris threw a tantrum over media coverage of homosexual unions. Ironically, he showed support towards lesbian couplings, which would totally defeat the purpose of his [[sweetheart]] search since that would mean he'd have even ''more'' competition for single women.

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed as a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with male friends all the time. As the work serves as a backstory to the villanous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah may have served as a fictional parallel to the endless accusations of homosexualty lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersprses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would begin to revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris most likely shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, although his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men.

In [[Mumble 1]], Chris declares his support for lesbians and reiterates his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating how he hates [[JERKS]] in general, and how a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris supports lesbians solely because women are beautiful and men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterates his support for lesbians and his offense to "the damn homosexual males".

==Evidence that Chris might be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the gayer he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would [[Tomgirl|rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collected [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Bluespike|Max]] told Chris to suck his dick, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "No." Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his [[Duck|duck]] when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a [[China|pussy.]] While you might be thinking that it's a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu]], a male character, on his [[duck]].
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When [[Julie_Reveals_Herself|Julie finally revealed herself]] as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|close-up picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* In the above same Trollin Train post he mentioned achieving [[Semen|Comeuppance]] before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and a bra].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When [[Bob]] learned of Chris's crossdressing, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On the 29th April, 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It%27s_not_that_cold|This video]], where Chris infamously says, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New [[Niggos|Niggas]] Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
*The fact that he uses the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to keep himself straight, implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of a gay icon will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd riddle on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the sphynx. It's worth noted that :
**[http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay.
**Lemon Cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals].
**Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage].
**Hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken].
**And the sphynx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is an [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act of oral sex], which may refer to Chris's [[duck]].
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One_Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common code for homosexuality.
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germaine to Judy Garland, a gay icon.

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[Sex toys|vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one needs not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women not to drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: He covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (We can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

Considering the large amount of blatantly homoerotic activities Chris has engaged in, it's a safe bet to say he's a self-hating closeted homosexual, and no amount of defenses will stop the man-child's suppressed urges.

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[Tomgirl]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Homos

2014-06-03T22:02:07Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people'''. He uses this term almost exclusively. Although he also uses phrases like "those of the wrong orientation", presumably because even saying the word "homo" makes him somewhat uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: He is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating education|Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to prevent people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fails at it), using anything from the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy where all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostituites, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain Herr Himmler had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[Gal pal|gal pals]] and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|10 March 2009]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to justify his position against homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), an author of several blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris. <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quote|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia: Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily.]]

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[CWCville|Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]].

On the February 5th, 2012 entry on his [[Facebook_statuses|Facebook page]], he mentions buying Napoleon Dynamite because he learned 'that homo Andy Dick' didn't star in it.

In a [[Facebook]] post on March 29th, 2013, Chris threw a tantrum over media coverage of homosexual unions. Ironically, he showed support towards lesbian couplings, which would totally defeat the purpose of his [[sweetheart]] search since that would mean he'd have even ''more'' competition for single women.

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed as a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with male friends all the time. As the work serves as a backstory to the villanous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah may have served as a fictional parallel to the endless accusations of homosexualty lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersprses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would begin to revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris most likely shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, although his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men.

In [[Mumble 1]], Chris declares his support for lesbians and reiterates his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating how he hates [[JERKS]] in general, and how a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris supports lesbians solely because women are beautiful and men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterates his support for lesbians and his offense to "the damn homosexual males".

==Evidence that Chris might be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the gayer he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would [[Tomgirl|rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collected [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Bluespike|Max]] told Chris to suck his dick, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "No." Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his [[Duck|duck]] when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a [[China|pussy.]] While you might be thinking that it's a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu]], a male character, on his [[duck]].
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When [[Julie_Reveals_Herself|Julie finally revealed herself]] as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|close-up picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* In the above same Trollin Train post he mentioned achieving [[Semen|Comeuppance]] before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and a bra].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When [[Bob]] learned of Chris's crossdressing, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On the 29th April, 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It%27s_not_that_cold|This video]], where Chris infamously says, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New [[Niggos|Niggas]] Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
*The fact that he uses the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to keep himself straight, implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of a gay icon will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd riddle on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the sphynx. It's worth noted that :
**[http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay.
**Lemon Cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals].
**Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage].
**Hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken].
**And the sphynx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is an [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act of oral sex], which may refer to Chris's [[duck]].
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One_Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common code for homosexuality.
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germaine to Judy Garland, a gay icon.

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[Sex toys|vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one needs not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women not to drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: He covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (We can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

Considering the large amount of blatantly homoerotic activities Chris has engaged in, it's a safe bet to say he's a self-hating closeted homosexual, and no amount of defenses will stop the man-child's suppressed urges.

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[Tomgirl]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Manajerks

2014-01-07T22:07:58Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby */ Why would it be confused with a completely different comic with a diffierent name?

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:B-manajerk_real.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's rendition of what the B-Manajerk may have actually looked like, based on Chris's descriptions.]]

'''Manajerks''' (a [[Wikipedia:Portmanteau|portmanteau]] of "manager" and "[[jerk]]") are villains featured in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], most prominently in the [[Sub-Episodes]], who regularly antagonize [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic book counterpart]]. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his [[Love Quest]]. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly have to defeat.

==Origins==
Chris coined the term in [[CWC's Diary]] to describe the two Charlottesville [[Wal-Mart]] managers who confronted him on 22 June 2005. He has since used it in reference to other perceived enemies, including the managers of his local [[Target]], the management of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], [[Michael Snyder]], and another Wal-Mart manager who ejected him from the chain's Ruckersville location in the summer of 2013.

==Manajerks in real life==
Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.

At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a [[Chris|patron]] who loiters in [[Target|the workplace]], purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be [[Chris and health|unwilling to shower]] and had numbers of pairs of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|dirty crapped briefs]], his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold [[Attraction Sign|a sign]] expressing his desire for [[Sex|intimate relations]] with young white women, it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron [[autistic|crude and bizarre]]. In situations like these, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes [[Chris and negotiation|unresponsive or difficult]], the manager may also be charged with contacting the [[Jerkops|proper authorities]] to have him escorted (forcibly, if need be) from the premises.

==Manajerks in ''Sonichu''==
In the pages of ''Sonichu'', manajerks, like [[jerkops]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|college deans]], [[CADD Chef|CADD instructors]], and other [[Jerkhief|authority figures]], are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing [[video games]], building [[Heart Torch of Fail|crude sculptures]] with [[Pixelblocks]], and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local [[GameStop]]),<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.

Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Chris-hating team]], with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-[[virgin]], anti-[[autistic]], etc.

Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of [[CWCville]] during their invasions,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_25</ref> the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as [[Target]], [[Wal-Mart]] or [[McDonalds]], which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.

Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of [[Fashion Square Mall]]; he's fighting in the ''Fa-Square'', of the ''Sho-Mall Region''. Target is similarly referred to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] refers to manajerk [[ScotPalazzo]] as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in [[CWCville]] that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.

===B-Manajerk===
[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Based on a True Story.]]

B-Manajerk was a manajerk first featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. To date, he is one of the only villains that Chris has ever been able to defeat single-handedly, as almost every other one-on-one fight Chris has ever had in the comics inevitably ended with him getting beaten half to death [[Chris and writing|until he was saved by another character]]. Not much is known about the B-Manajerk, not even his real name. What little we do know comes from Chris's own records of their encounters, as described below. If Chris's accounts are anything to go by, The B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart Chris got kicked out of, or else a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic". One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with [[Pixelblocks]]. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>

{{quote|June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the [[McDonald's]] at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], and apparently complaints were made. The two [[Manajerks|manajerkss]], a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[Niggos|Black]], [[Obesity|Fat]] Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Mall]], whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free Girl]], like I have been doing for the past [[Love Quest|over one-year and ten-months]]. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[Attraction Sign|sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblocks|Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” [[Virgin with rage|Verbal Combat]] had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Extract from [[CWC's Diary]]}}

The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "[[Mal-Wart]] Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the [[Jerkhief]], as Chris describes in his journal entry. He is also armed with a golden axe and a pair of large guns. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using [[Mecha-Jerkops]] on loan from the Jerkhief.

Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and the "[[anime wings]]" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the Wing Hat power-up from ''Super Mario 64''. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his [[Love Quest]] and the absolute necessity of his [[Attraction Sign]].

The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where [[Mary Lee Walsh]] announced Chris's disappearance into the [[Time Void]].

Contrary to popular belief, this was actually not the last anyone saw or heard of B-Manajerk and his partner however, like it was for so many others before them. Though he was never actually ''seen'' again, the B-Manajerk was mentioned during the events of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']]. Towards the end of the issue, whilst [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] return from the battle against [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]], they receive a psychic message from [[Magi-Chan]] informing them of the state of the battle. In the same textwall in which he announces the death of [[Ivy]] and the destruction of the [[Decepti-Clones]], he briefly mentions that B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic had somehow grown to a gigantic size and took part in the battle with the rest of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. The battle is never actually shown, but Magi-Chan assures Sonichu and the readers that they were defeated by the Kart Megazord owned by the CWC-[[Power Rangers]] and that the two of them were shrunk back to their original size. The Kart Megazord itself is briefly glimpsed in the background.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_93</ref>

This would be the last time the manajerks were ever seen or heard from in the comics. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], Chris would use his [[Colossal Chan]] form to completely destroy PVCC and undo the brainwashing effect used to control all it's members. According to [[Mailbag 52]], this freed all the manajerks too. Chris later stated that the manajerks were cleared by the [[CWCville]] courts for their crimes, due to the fact that they couldn't help their actions at the time, but that they were depowered before being set free.{{cite}}

[[Chris and race|And yes, the "B" in "B-Manajerk" does stand for "black"]].<ref>[[Sonichu 4 Official Videobook]]</ref>

===Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby===
[[Image:MSC.jpg|thumb|left|You're missing both your arms, you work in a [[McDonald's]], and you have the most embarrassing and incomprehensible name in the world. Obviously the answer is to go into supervillainy.]]

Merried Seinor Comic is possibly the most unfortunately named villain in all of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', as one can't even figure out what words [[Chris]] was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. The name of his real life counterpart, Kirby McDerbie, offers no insight into this strangeness. [[Trolls]] on [[Krapple|/cwc/]] have been speculating for as long as the character has been around, but no-one has ever been able to determine for sure what his name actually means, though some have guessed that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic".

The Merried Seinor Comic appeared for the first time in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']], helping the [[B-Manajerk]] in his opposition of Chris's [[Love Quest]]. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of [[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]] of the Region of [[Mal-Wart]]. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from ''[[Monty Python]] and the Holy Grail''.<ref>[[:Image:MSCPython.jpg]]</ref> In the comic, (no pun intended), Merried Seinor Comic was defeated in a sword fight by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], whilst Chris defeated his partner. In [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], which continues the two part story, the [[W-M-Manajerk]] arrives as back-up, but when he fails as well the McDuo flee the scene, with the Comic not seeming to even care about the recent loss of both his arms.

In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], the character appears at [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention, where he is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|removed in more recent versions]]. This is the last time the character is seen, but as mentioned above, he did participate in the Battle of CWCville offscreen, becoming a giant along with the B-Manajerk and fighting the Kart Megazord. It is presumed that he was depowered and set free like the other manajerks after [[Collosal Chan]] reversed [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s brainwashing.

===W-M-Manajerk===
[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|Truly a [[Kick the Autistic|shining example]] to us all. But for W-M-Manajerk, it's an average day.]]

After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonalds, as was described above, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonalds, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|weeaboo magic spells]] at him. Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, [[2005]], Chris took revenge in the only way he could; by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his [[Chris and reality|fantasy life]].

In the [[You know what%2C I HATE ME TOO!!!]] segment Christian put on his [[ED]] page in [[March 2008]], he says he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from Sub-Episode 5 of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-Chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be physically disabled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.

The W-M-Manajerk character first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In the comic, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]] at the end of Sub-Episode 4. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on [[Wikipedia:Richard Nixon|Richard Nixon]] in the ''[[Futurama]]'' episode "A Head in the Polls". This episode featured Nixon as a similarly built robot with a head in a jar. The concept of a head in a jar is hardly unique to ''Futurama'', but it is a show beloved by Chris and virtually nothing he draws hasn't been at least loosely based off an already existing character.

The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would. Just as Chris begins to lose hope though, he receives a vision from the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who informs him that he must combine the powers of his [[Medallion of Fail]] with his [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Dream Sibling of Fail]]. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to Crystal, whom he had previously drawn on one of his home-made [[Yu-gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.

Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] respectively, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.

Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, were agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] lead by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the head-jar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.

W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC.

Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is actually pretty damn strong. It survives several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift [[Obesity|the very heavy]] Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a soda fountain. The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s head. It can be assumed that the head-jar also acted as a kind of life support system.

Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, [[Rosechu]] could probably beat him up now.

===ScotPalazzo===
[[Image:SchuComic8Page36.jpg|thumb|left|170px|ScotPalazzo: a villain who has an uncanny talent of unnaturally bending his arms around tables at 90 degree angles.]]

The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, and possibly the first manajerk Chris encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the [[Jerkhief]] and got trolled hard by [[Hanna]], but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until [[Sub-Episode 6]], when he expressed envy of Chris for his made-up TV show ''CWC's Backyard Safari''. Scot was clearly designed to resemble [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Lord Il Palazzo]] from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', and he is depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love itself for his mother's murder-suicide.

Whether or not the real Scot Palazzo suffered such a traumatic life as his comic counterpart, the fictional Scot remained one of the only villains in the series to give any kind of reason for his actions. [[Wes Iseli]] was motivated by jealousy, Mary gave reasons for her own war on love in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s motivation was existentialism, and then there was Scot. Despite being one of the few villains to actually have motivation to do all the crazy super-villain shit the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] gets up to however, he never actually ''does'' anything. In his debut appearance, he hires more [[jerkops]] to take down Chris, but he never gets any kind of [[comeuppance]] for this and he never fights any of the heroes. He cameos again in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] at the council of villains, and his character description says that he banned all [[virgin]]s from his region, but this is all he has ever been seen to do. In many ways, he is more like an actual manager than any of the other manajerks on this page.

His given motivation conflicts with later revelations that all PVCC members, including the manajerks, were really just brainwashed slaves of Mary Lee Walsh. [[Colossal Chan]]'s power supposedly undid all brainwashing, and Chris's statements on the subject claimed that all the manajerks were cleared of everything. Presumably this can be taken to mean that Scot was also a victim, and that his jaded personality was reverted to whatever he was like prior to Mary's effect.

===Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)===
[[File:Get-Tar Manajerks.jpg|thumb|Behold, the two most harmless villains in the series.]]

The last of the manajerks to be introduced, the duo of Turdijerk and his accomplice Trebor Capman first appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], where they confronted Chris in the Get-Tar Region. The episode was based on an incident that occurred in real life at a newly opened [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] store in Chris's area. Attempting to start fresh in new [[Attraction location|prowling grounds]], Chris planned to pay a single dollar to receive a soda at their snack bar and exploit their free refill policy to keep refilling that same soda over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned officer [[Bagget]] to get him out of the store.

Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until their later cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. In their initial appearance, the two manajerks walk up to Chris at his table and tell him that he was loitering and had to get out. Even in his idealized fantasy world where Chris whitewashes everything he does, the comic version of Chris is indeed loitering, and he also initially ignores the two managers trying to talk to him. Upon noticing them, he screams, and then somehow summons a tornado to blow them both away. It should be noted at this point that these two manajerks did not actually attack Chris, or even threaten him, meaning Chris just [[Chris and the Law|assaulted two unarmed normal humans for telling him to leave their store]].

The names of the characters are puzzling. [[Trolls]] speculate that Trebor Capman might actually be an alias for someone called ''Robert'' Capman, given Chris's love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]], and while the origin of Turdijerk's name is somewhat more ambiguous, the two most common theories are that the name was either derived from a stereotype of the Indian accent, (as the character has a vaguely South Asian appearance and his real life counterpart is probably the same), or that the name "Turdijerk" is merely Chris's [[Random-access humor|juvenile sense of humor]] and a way to insult the real life manager by giving him a nickname that sounds like "turd".

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|[[Soul Calibur|Video game recreation]].
Image:Manajerks.jpg|Getting decapitated only pissed him off.
Image:MSCsavestheday.png|Merried Seinor Comic, stopping the [[autistic]] wonder from [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|procreating]].
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Fashion Square Mall|Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[PVCCitizens]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Walmart|Mal-Wart Region]]
*[[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]]
*[[Target|Get-Tar Region]]
*[[Amanda]]

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Manajerks]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Manajerks

2014-01-07T21:04:45Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* W-M-Manajerk */

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:B-manajerk_real.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's rendition of what the B-Manajerk may have actually looked like, based on Chris's descriptions.]]

'''Manajerks''' (a [[Wikipedia:Portmanteau|portmanteau]] of "manager" and "[[jerk]]") are villains featured in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], most prominently in the [[Sub-Episodes]], who regularly antagonize [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic book counterpart]]. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his [[Love Quest]]. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly have to defeat.

==Origins==
Chris coined the term in [[CWC's Diary]] to describe the two Charlottesville [[Wal-Mart]] managers who confronted him on 22 June 2005. He has since used it in reference to other perceived enemies, including the managers of his local [[Target]], the management of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], [[Michael Snyder]], and another Wal-Mart manager who ejected him from the chain's Ruckersville location in the summer of 2013.

==Manajerks in real life==
Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.

At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a [[Chris|patron]] who loiters in [[Target|the workplace]], purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be [[Chris and health|unwilling to shower]] and had numbers of pairs of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|dirty crapped briefs]], his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold [[Attraction Sign|a sign]] expressing his desire for [[Sex|intimate relations]] with young white women, it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron [[autistic|crude and bizarre]]. In situations like these, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes [[Chris and negotiation|unresponsive or difficult]], the manager may also be charged with contacting the [[Jerkops|proper authorities]] to have him escorted (forcibly, if need be) from the premises.

==Manajerks in ''Sonichu''==
In the pages of ''Sonichu'', manajerks, like [[jerkops]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|college deans]], [[CADD Chef|CADD instructors]], and other [[Jerkhief|authority figures]], are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing [[video games]], building [[Heart Torch of Fail|crude sculptures]] with [[Pixelblocks]], and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local [[GameStop]]),<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.

Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Chris-hating team]], with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-[[virgin]], anti-[[autistic]], etc.

Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of [[CWCville]] during their invasions,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_25</ref> the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as [[Target]], [[Wal-Mart]] or [[McDonalds]], which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.

Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of [[Fashion Square Mall]]; he's fighting in the ''Fa-Square'', of the ''Sho-Mall Region''. Target is similarly referred to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] refers to manajerk [[ScotPalazzo]] as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in [[CWCville]] that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.

===B-Manajerk===
[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Based on a True Story.]]

B-Manajerk was a manajerk first featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. To date, he is one of the only villains that Chris has ever been able to defeat single-handedly, as almost every other one-on-one fight Chris has ever had in the comics inevitably ended with him getting beaten half to death [[Chris and writing|until he was saved by another character]]. Not much is known about the B-Manajerk, not even his real name. What little we do know comes from Chris's own records of their encounters, as described below. If Chris's accounts are anything to go by, The B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart Chris got kicked out of, or else a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic". One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with [[Pixelblocks]]. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>

{{quote|June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the [[McDonald's]] at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], and apparently complaints were made. The two [[Manajerks|manajerkss]], a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[Niggos|Black]], [[Obesity|Fat]] Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Mall]], whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free Girl]], like I have been doing for the past [[Love Quest|over one-year and ten-months]]. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[Attraction Sign|sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblocks|Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” [[Virgin with rage|Verbal Combat]] had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Extract from [[CWC's Diary]]}}

The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "[[Mal-Wart]] Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the [[Jerkhief]], as Chris describes in his journal entry. He is also armed with a golden axe and a pair of large guns. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using [[Mecha-Jerkops]] on loan from the Jerkhief.

Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and the "[[anime wings]]" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the Wing Hat power-up from ''Super Mario 64''. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his [[Love Quest]] and the absolute necessity of his [[Attraction Sign]].

The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where [[Mary Lee Walsh]] announced Chris's disappearance into the [[Time Void]].

Contrary to popular belief, this was actually not the last anyone saw or heard of B-Manajerk and his partner however, like it was for so many others before them. Though he was never actually ''seen'' again, the B-Manajerk was mentioned during the events of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']]. Towards the end of the issue, whilst [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] return from the battle against [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]], they receive a psychic message from [[Magi-Chan]] informing them of the state of the battle. In the same textwall in which he announces the death of [[Ivy]] and the destruction of the [[Decepti-Clones]], he briefly mentions that B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic had somehow grown to a gigantic size and took part in the battle with the rest of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. The battle is never actually shown, but Magi-Chan assures Sonichu and the readers that they were defeated by the Kart Megazord owned by the CWC-[[Power Rangers]] and that the two of them were shrunk back to their original size. The Kart Megazord itself is briefly glimpsed in the background.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_93</ref>

This would be the last time the manajerks were ever seen or heard from in the comics. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], Chris would use his [[Colossal Chan]] form to completely destroy PVCC and undo the brainwashing effect used to control all it's members. According to [[Mailbag 52]], this freed all the manajerks too. Chris later stated that the manajerks were cleared by the [[CWCville]] courts for their crimes, due to the fact that they couldn't help their actions at the time, but that they were depowered before being set free.{{cite}}

[[Chris and race|And yes, the "B" in "B-Manajerk" does stand for "black"]].<ref>[[Sonichu 4 Official Videobook]]</ref>

===Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby===
[[Image:MSC.jpg|thumb|left|You're missing both your arms, you work in a [[McDonald's]], and you have the most embarrassing and incomprehensible name in the world. Obviously the answer is to go into supervillainy.]]

Merried Seinor Comic (not to be confused with the [[Giant Penis Comic]]) is possibly the most unfortunately named villain in all of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', as one can't even figure out what words [[Chris]] was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. The name of his real life counterpart, Kirby McDerbie, offers no insight into this strangeness. [[Trolls]] on [[Krapple|/cwc/]] have been speculating for as long as the character has been around, but no-one has ever been able to determine for sure what his name actually means, though some have guessed that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic".

The Merried Seinor Comic appeared for the first time in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']], helping the [[B-Manajerk]] in his opposition of Chris's [[Love Quest]]. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of [[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]] of the Region of [[Mal-Wart]]. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from ''[[Monty Python]] and the Holy Grail''.<ref>[[:Image:MSCPython.jpg]]</ref> In the comic, (no pun intended), Merried Seinor Comic was defeated in a sword fight by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], whilst Chris defeated his partner. In [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], which continues the two part story, the [[W-M-Manajerk]] arrives as back-up, but when he fails as well the McDuo flee the scene, with the Comic not seeming to even care about the recent loss of both his arms.

In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], the character appears at [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention, where he is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|removed in more recent versions]]. This is the last time the character is seen, but as mentioned above, he did participate in the Battle of CWCville offscreen, becoming a giant along with the B-Manajerk and fighting the Kart Megazord. It is presumed that he was depowered and set free like the other manajerks after [[Collosal Chan]] reversed [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s brainwashing.

===W-M-Manajerk===
[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|Truly a [[Kick the Autistic|shining example]] to us all. But for W-M-Manajerk, it's an average day.]]

After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonalds, as was described above, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonalds, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|weeaboo magic spells]] at him. Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, [[2005]], Chris took revenge in the only way he could; by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his [[Chris and reality|fantasy life]].

In the [[You know what%2C I HATE ME TOO!!!]] segment Christian put on his [[ED]] page in [[March 2008]], he says he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from Sub-Episode 5 of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-Chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be physically disabled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.

The W-M-Manajerk character first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In the comic, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]] at the end of Sub-Episode 4. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on [[Wikipedia:Richard Nixon|Richard Nixon]] in ''[[Futurama]]''.

The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would. Just as Chris begins to lose hope though, he receives a vision from the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who informs him that he must combine the powers of his [[Medallion of Fail]] with his [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Dream Sibling of Fail]]. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to Crystal, whom he had previously drawn on one of his home-made [[Yu-gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.

Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] respectively, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.

Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, were agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] lead by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the head-jar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.

W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC.

Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is actually pretty damn strong. It survives several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift [[Obesity|the very heavy]] Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a soda fountain. The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s head. It can be assumed that the head-jar also acted as a kind of life support system.

Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, [[Rosechu]] could probably beat him up now.

The character design may have been inspired by [[Futurama]], specifically the episode "A Head in the Polls". This episode featured a similarly built robot with a head in a jar. The concept of a head in a jar is hardly unique to Futurama, but it is a show beloved by Chris and virtually nothing he draws hasn't been at least loosely based off an already existing character.

===ScotPalazzo===
[[Image:SchuComic8Page36.jpg|thumb|left|170px|ScotPalazzo: a villain who has an uncanny talent of unnaturally bending his arms around tables at 90 degree angles.]]

The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, and possibly the first manajerk Chris encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the [[Jerkhief]] and got trolled hard by [[Hanna]], but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until [[Sub-Episode 6]], when he expressed envy of Chris for his made-up TV show ''CWC's Backyard Safari''. Scot was clearly designed to resemble [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Lord Il Palazzo]] from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', and he is depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love itself for his mother's murder-suicide.

Whether or not the real Scot Palazzo suffered such a traumatic life as his comic counterpart, the fictional Scot remained one of the only villains in the series to give any kind of reason for his actions. [[Wes Iseli]] was motivated by jealousy, Mary gave reasons for her own war on love in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s motivation was existentialism, and then there was Scot. Despite being one of the few villains to actually have motivation to do all the crazy super-villain shit the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] gets up to however, he never actually ''does'' anything. In his debut appearance, he hires more [[jerkops]] to take down Chris, but he never gets any kind of [[comeuppance]] for this and he never fights any of the heroes. He cameos again in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] at the council of villains, and his character description says that he banned all [[virgin]]s from his region, but this is all he has ever been seen to do. In many ways, he is more like an actual manager than any of the other manajerks on this page.

His given motivation conflicts with later revelations that all PVCC members, including the manajerks, were really just brainwashed slaves of Mary Lee Walsh. [[Colossal Chan]]'s power supposedly undid all brainwashing, and Chris's statements on the subject claimed that all the manajerks were cleared of everything. Presumably this can be taken to mean that Scot was also a victim, and that his jaded personality was reverted to whatever he was like prior to Mary's effect.

===Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)===
[[File:Get-Tar Manajerks.jpg|thumb|Behold, the two most harmless villains in the series.]]

The last of the manajerks to be introduced, the duo of Turdijerk and his accomplice Trebor Capman first appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], where they confronted Chris in the Get-Tar Region. The episode was based on an incident that occurred in real life at a newly opened [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] store in Chris's area. Attempting to start fresh in new [[Attraction location|prowling grounds]], Chris planned to pay a single dollar to receive a soda at their snack bar and exploit their free refill policy to keep refilling that same soda over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned officer [[Bagget]] to get him out of the store.

Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until their later cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. In their initial appearance, the two manajerks walk up to Chris at his table and tell him that he was loitering and had to get out. Even in his idealized fantasy world where Chris whitewashes everything he does, the comic version of Chris is indeed loitering, and he also initially ignores the two managers trying to talk to him. Upon noticing them, he screams, and then somehow summons a tornado to blow them both away. It should be noted at this point that these two manajerks did not actually attack Chris, or even threaten him, meaning Chris just [[Chris and the Law|assaulted two unarmed normal humans for telling him to leave their store]].

The names of the characters are puzzling. [[Trolls]] speculate that Trebor Capman might actually be an alias for someone called ''Robert'' Capman, given Chris's love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]], and while the origin of Turdijerk's name is somewhat more ambiguous, the two most common theories are that the name was either derived from a stereotype of the Indian accent, (as the character has a vaguely South Asian appearance and his real life counterpart is probably the same), or that the name "Turdijerk" is merely Chris's [[Random-access humor|juvenile sense of humor]] and a way to insult the real life manager by giving him a nickname that sounds like "turd".

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|[[Soul Calibur|Video game recreation]].
Image:Manajerks.jpg|Getting decapitated only pissed him off.
Image:MSCsavestheday.png|Merried Seinor Comic, stopping the [[autistic]] wonder from [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|procreating]].
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Fashion Square Mall|Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[PVCCitizens]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Walmart|Mal-Wart Region]]
*[[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]]
*[[Target|Get-Tar Region]]
*[[Amanda]]

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Manajerks]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Jiggliami

2013-10-06T03:19:12Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{quote|Baka Dana Watashi! It's the war of love!|[[Jiggliami]]'s song "War of Love"}}
{{quote|After this concert we will be superstars! We can have any man we want!|Jiggliami to [[Blanca]] before their breakout concert}}

[[Image:Jiggliami.jpg|thumb|Chris-Chan traced his former girlfriend's drawing, resulting in a copy of a copy]]

'''Jiggliami''' is [[Blanca Weiss]]'s "original" character that Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 11th, 2008|claimed]] after she broke up with him. Note the irony and [[hypocrisy]] in this action, considering he can steal other people's characters willingly, but when it comes to [[Asperchu|his characters being stolen]], he becomes upset. Also in [[Episode 18]], it is hinted that she was [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s girlfriend while he was still a regular [[Pikachu]]. Fortunately, we are spared any flashbacks of the [[sex| conception]] of an Igglybuff.

Her first appearance in the comics was the [[KCWC]] segment in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] where she was interviewed by [[DJ Jamsta]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] followed by boring, [[Women's rights|sexist]] talk and a lame, equally sexist joke about Jiggliami's [[I am STRAIGHT|snowballs]]. Her next (and last) appearance was [[Episode 18]], during the "Spring Break" escapades. She is first seen with Blanca, who is presumably her manager or plays guitar for her… [[Chris and writing|or something]], the two have an inane conversation about energizing the crowd and how after the concert, they'll be famous enough that they could [[Love Quest|get any man they wanted to]]. The conversation ends with [[Blanca]] alluding to her [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|heart's desire]] being trapped in [[Time Void|another dimension]].

Later on she finds the comatose [[Blake]] after his encounter with [[Silvana]], and then [[Magi-Chan]] and Jiggliami inform [[Bubbles]] that Silvana is posing as Blake. Later on, Jiggliami sings her song "War of Love" to the cheers of the audience, but before the song she states that she's missing her old [[Sonichu (character)|Pikachu boyfriend]].

Ever since the breakup with Blanca, Jiggliami no longer appears in the comic.

In the [[Blanca E-mails]] she is given some bullshit history about wishing on a star and somehow getting turned into the anthropomorphic abomination seen in the comic, but Chris never mentions this. Within the comic Jiggliami just shows up with no explanation as to how and why a humanoid Jigglypuff exists.

==Creation==
[[Image:Jiggy.jpg|thumb|left|Blanca's drawing, in and of itself a crude copy of the character on the right]]
[[Image:Ranka_trace.jpg|thumb|Ranka, who is in turn a [[Pedofork|loli]] version of Lynn Minmay. So Chris has done a copy of a copy of a copy?]]

The original illustration by Blanca has a striking resemblance to both a screencap and illustration of [[Wikipedia:List of Macross Frontier characters#Ranka Lee|Ranka Lee]], a character from the [[anime]] ''[[Wikipedia:Macross Frontier|Macross Frontier]]'', which means Christian further degraded the quality of the original, Xerox-style. The characters are both pop stars, and share many other attributes such as their "up-and-coming" status and inane, bubbly songs. To be fair to our autistic hero, mecha anime is probably not [[Wikipedia:Cuteness in Japanese culture|kawaii]] enough for his tastes, so he probably never has even heard of the series; so how would he know he was tracing a trace? Still, ''damn''.

There's a small bit of irony, though, in that ''Macross Frontier'''s main character is a former [[Wikipedia:Kabuki|kabuki]] actor who played [[Tomgirl Pictures|female roles]], much like men playing women in old-school [[Wikipedia:William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] productions. To make matters even funnier, the anime also had a comic relief [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|flamboyantly gay]] character. Maybe it's for the best that Chris doesn't know about this.

[[Image:Jiggliami Jigglypuff x Sonic by KawaiiKitsune123.jpg|thumb|left|Blanca's second drawing]]
The lyrics to the song Jiggliami was singing were also ripped off (and mercilessly butchered) from a music video by [[Wikipedia:Supercell_(band)|Supercell]] using the Japanese [[Wikipedia:Vocaloid|Vocaloid]] character [[Wikipedia:Hatsune Miku|Hatsune Miku]].

If this whole situation sounds familiar, well, it is: [[Simonla]] originally was a creation of a another "[[Evan|fan]]" that was in turn a, ahem, "[[parody]]" of another animu character, exactly like Jiggliami.

Jiggliami is a knockoff of the following:
* [[Amy Rose]]
* [[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]
* [[Wikipedia:Ranka Lee|Ranka Lee]]
* Possibly of Ami from [[Wikipedia:Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi|Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi]]
==See also==
*[[Simonla]]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Chris's education

2013-04-05T08:14:50Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Nathanael Greene Elementary School */

[[Image:0045-MrWade.jpg|thumb|This man put up with Christian for an extended period of time. May God have mercy on his soul.]]
[[Chris]] has spent a great deal of his '''school years''' hopping from one school to another. This is a list of the schools that he spent time in.
==Chris's education==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Time
! Level
! Institution
|-
| [[1987]]-[[1988|88]]
| Kindergarten
| [[Greene County Primary School]]
|-
| [[1988]]-[[1989|89]]
| First grade
| Greene County Primary School
|-
| [[1989]]-[[1990|90]]
| Second grade
| Greene County Primary School
|-
| [[1990]]-[[1991|91]]
| Third grade
| Greene County Primary School
|-
| [[1991]]-[[1992|92]]
| Fourth grade
| [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]
|-
| [[1992]]-[[1993|93]]
| Fifth grade
| [[Chris's homes#Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments|Home-Schooling]]
|-
| [[1993]]-[[1994|94]]
| Sixth grade
| [[Providence Middle School]]
|-
| [[1994]]-[[1995|95]]
| Seventh grade
| Providence Middle School
|-
| [[1995]]-[[1996|96]]
| Eighth grade
| Providence Middle School
|-
| [[1996]]-[[1997|97]]
| Freshman year
| [[Manchester High School]]
|-
| [[1997]]-[[1998|98]]
| Sophomore year
| Manchester High School
|-
| [[1998]]-[[1999|99]]
| Junior year
| Manchester High School
|-
| [[1999]]-[[2000]]
| Senior year
| Manchester High School
|-
| [[2000]]-[[2001|01]]
| Freshman
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
|-
| [[2001]]-[[2002|02]]
| Sophomore
| Piedmont Virginia Community College
|-
| [[2002]]-[[2003|03]]
| Third year
| Piedmont Virginia Community College
|-
| [[2003]]-[[2004|04]]
| Chris is banned from PVCC for one year
| None
|-
| [[2004]]-[[2005|05]]
| Final year
| Piedmont Virginia Community College
|}

==Greene County Primary School==
'''Greene County Primary School''' was the school Chris attended between first and third grade.

==James Madison University==
[[Image:JamesMadisonUni.jpeg|thumb|right|James Madison University, Shenandoah Valley]]

[[Wikipedia:James Madison University|James Madison University]] is a university that Chris went to for speech therapy sessions at a young age.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref>

Chris carpooled there with his friend [[Joshua Martinez]].

It's the best college ever, Chris once said.

However, a recent video has shown that his arch-nemesis [[Gregg Mays]] attends this college, and therefore, Chris may think differently about it today.
{{-}}

==Providence Middle School==
[[Image:Providenceschool.jpg|thumb|right|Providence Middle School, Richmond]]

Chris's middle school. He had him quite sum [[gal-pal]]s there.

[[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]] helped him cope.
{{-}}
===Gallery===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0148-ChristianInProvidenceMiddle2.jpg|Chris, 12, from his Providence Middle School years.
Image:0149-ChristianInProvidenceMiddle.jpg|Chris, presumably age 13 (striking resemblance to Chris in [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]).
Image:0227-PizzaParty.jpg|Bob [[pedofork]]ing on Chris's class during a pizza party.
Image:0228-HeyImEating.jpg|Chris eating a ''solitary'' lunch in a corner facing the wall.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg|In the background, there is a poster that shows that the school wants parents to pay their kids five dollars for failing grades
</gallery>
</center>

==Nathanael Greene Elementary School==
{{main|Nathanael Greene Elementary School}}
Chris was allegedly abused at this Elementary School by the principal and members of the staff. According to Chris, they pinned him down and recorded him screaming. His father then moved the family to Richmond and took legal action against the school district. The case was dropped in 1994.

==Manchester High School==
{{main|Manchester High School}}
Chris attended Manchester High School from 1996 to 2000 and has fond memories of his time there. He seems to consider these years to be the best of his life. Chris may be right, there are [[My big 18th party|photographs and an attached story]] documenting that on his 18th birthday, several attractive girls came to visit and spend time with him. Such a thing is nearly unthinkable today. Photographs from the period also show that he was reasonably slim compared to today.

==Piedmont Virginia Community College==
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

==References==
<references/>

==External Links==
*[http://www.jmu.edu/ James Madison University Website]

{{Places}}

[[Category: Places]]
[[Category: Education]]

Chris's education

2013-04-05T08:05:29Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Manchester High School */

[[Image:0045-MrWade.jpg|thumb|This man put up with Christian for an extended period of time. May God have mercy on his soul.]]
[[Chris]] has spent a great deal of his '''school years''' hopping from one school to another. This is a list of the schools that he spent time in.
==Chris's education==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Time
! Level
! Institution
|-
| [[1987]]-[[1988|88]]
| Kindergarten
| [[Greene County Primary School]]
|-
| [[1988]]-[[1989|89]]
| First grade
| Greene County Primary School
|-
| [[1989]]-[[1990|90]]
| Second grade
| Greene County Primary School
|-
| [[1990]]-[[1991|91]]
| Third grade
| Greene County Primary School
|-
| [[1991]]-[[1992|92]]
| Fourth grade
| [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]
|-
| [[1992]]-[[1993|93]]
| Fifth grade
| [[Chris's homes#Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments|Home-Schooling]]
|-
| [[1993]]-[[1994|94]]
| Sixth grade
| [[Providence Middle School]]
|-
| [[1994]]-[[1995|95]]
| Seventh grade
| Providence Middle School
|-
| [[1995]]-[[1996|96]]
| Eighth grade
| Providence Middle School
|-
| [[1996]]-[[1997|97]]
| Freshman year
| [[Manchester High School]]
|-
| [[1997]]-[[1998|98]]
| Sophomore year
| Manchester High School
|-
| [[1998]]-[[1999|99]]
| Junior year
| Manchester High School
|-
| [[1999]]-[[2000]]
| Senior year
| Manchester High School
|-
| [[2000]]-[[2001|01]]
| Freshman
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
|-
| [[2001]]-[[2002|02]]
| Sophomore
| Piedmont Virginia Community College
|-
| [[2002]]-[[2003|03]]
| Third year
| Piedmont Virginia Community College
|-
| [[2003]]-[[2004|04]]
| Chris is banned from PVCC for one year
| None
|-
| [[2004]]-[[2005|05]]
| Final year
| Piedmont Virginia Community College
|}

==Greene County Primary School==
'''Greene County Primary School''' was the school Chris attended between first and third grade.

==James Madison University==
[[Image:JamesMadisonUni.jpeg|thumb|right|James Madison University, Shenandoah Valley]]

[[Wikipedia:James Madison University|James Madison University]] is a university that Chris went to for speech therapy sessions at a young age.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref>

Chris carpooled there with his friend [[Joshua Martinez]].

It's the best college ever, Chris once said.

However, a recent video has shown that his arch-nemesis [[Gregg Mays]] attends this college, and therefore, Chris may think differently about it today.
{{-}}

==Providence Middle School==
[[Image:Providenceschool.jpg|thumb|right|Providence Middle School, Richmond]]

Chris's middle school. He had him quite sum [[gal-pal]]s there.

[[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]] helped him cope.
{{-}}
===Gallery===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0148-ChristianInProvidenceMiddle2.jpg|Chris, 12, from his Providence Middle School years.
Image:0149-ChristianInProvidenceMiddle.jpg|Chris, presumably age 13 (striking resemblance to Chris in [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]).
Image:0227-PizzaParty.jpg|Bob [[pedofork]]ing on Chris's class during a pizza party.
Image:0228-HeyImEating.jpg|Chris eating a ''solitary'' lunch in a corner facing the wall.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg|In the background, there is a poster that shows that the school wants parents to pay their kids five dollars for failing grades
</gallery>
</center>

==Nathanael Greene Elementary School==
{{main|Nathanael Greene Elementary School}}

==Manchester High School==
{{main|Manchester High School}}
Chris attended Manchester High School from 1996 to 2000 and has fond memories of his time there. He seems to consider these years to be the best of his life. Chris may be right, there are [[My big 18th party|photographs and an attached story]] documenting that on his 18th birthday, several attractive girls came to visit and spend time with him. Such a thing is nearly unthinkable today. Photographs from the period also show that he was reasonably slim compared to today.

==Piedmont Virginia Community College==
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

==References==
<references/>

==External Links==
*[http://www.jmu.edu/ James Madison University Website]

{{Places}}

[[Category: Places]]
[[Category: Education]]

PlayingHouse

2012-11-30T13:19:57Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Transcript */ Ridiculous and unnecessary piping, apparently it's sexist for a girl to want to be a ballerina.

'''PlayingHouse''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris plays with some [[LEGO]] people like a [[pedofork]]. Most notably, he points out the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|''peeps and poops'']] of his fictional children. Chris most likely got this phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "Whistle While Your Wife Works", where Herbert tells his dog to make these.

Also, this video suggests that, if they were to be married, Chris would want Jackie to work as a journalist during the day while he [[Monthly tugboat|lies around at home]], "taking care of the children".

It is interesting to note that while "[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]" is portrayed as a sweet and intelligent little girl (attending school and writing in a diary at four years old, no less), her little brother "[[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]]" is only referred to when Chris laments him expelling various bodily fluids and crying all night, at one point demanding he stay quiet so he can enjoy Jackie's sweet, wet [[china]] in peace. As such, it's another example of Chris's curious [[JERKS|misandry]] in action.

Also of note is Chris's first use of what appears to be a makeshift stage with lighting — though as with everything else Chris does with [[Chris and cinematography|camerawork and lighting]], it is badly done — the viewer can see one of the corners of the box because of the shadow, the light is still too low, and the camera isn't centered on the scene.
==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = PlayingHouse
| video = {{#ev:youtube|K5eQbzitYXI}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| previous = [[SonichuBabies]]
| next = [[Wigwam]]
}}

{{quote|Reginald's been a messy lil' babychild! Made his lil' peeps n' poops!}}

=== Transcript ===

'''Narrating:''' Okay, here's another story - in all its love and glory. Alright, this is me. This is my sweetheart. These are our children, that's, uh, Reginald, this one's Crystal. Reginald's da baby. Younger brother. This'll-this'll double as, table, and uh, beds. At their respective times. So... on with the show. I'm at home. And my wife's coming home from work.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: ''[High pitched voice]'' Hi honey I'm home!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [''Normally''] Oh hi sweetheart, how ya doin'. How was your day at work.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Oh it's been good,

‘‘‘Chris’’’: I'm ju- I'm happy to see you made it home safe. [''Kissing sound'']

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Kiiiiiss. Anyways, journalism is very hard.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Yes it is, I hear. So, what happened today?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Aw, we - aw, I meant... you... oh - my article got printed, it got very huge responses!''

[''Wiggles "Jackie", tips her over'']

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Really.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yes! But unfortunately uhh dey laid off Wilkinson at work.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: They laid off Wilkinson! What they do that for?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: 'Pparently he wasn't keepin' up!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Oh. That's a shame.

[''"Children" slide in front of the screen''] Wheeewheewheewheewhee! [''Lego figures appear unfazed'']

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: So, how're the kids?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: D-dey're doin' okay. You know, there's a... pla... they're just playing. Uh. Actually, uh. Cry-actually Crystal is uh, doin' her preschool homework and uh, Reg-Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' [[Christian Weston Chandler|baabychild]]! Made his lil' [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|peeps n' poops]]! And he we-and he went... weewee all over the bathroom, it was [[14 Branchland Court|terrible mess]]. [[Chris's room|Terrible mess]]. I cl-had to clean all that up and of course I changed all of his [[Butt garments|diapers]] too. When they needed changin'. I fed the boy. I fed the girl, too. [''Awkward silence. Jackie falls asleep.''] Anyway, they're doin' okay.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: So how's uhhwubde-dinnerbeready?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Yes, dinner will be ready in a f-about fifteen minutes so you can go uh, put your f-put your things away and I-come to dinner.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Alright.

''["Jackie" flies off, followed by "Chris"]''

''[Table and chairs are set out]''

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [[McDonald's|Dinnertime]]! Numnumnumnum! [''Lego figures join table'']

[''Offscreen''] Oh shoot-which ones did I say? Blue one's Reginald, orange one's Crystal. And Reginald needs a booster seat.

'''Narrating:''' Mmm, anyway, we just finished off dinner.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Mmm, that was delicious dear.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Why thank you. It was a-was a specialty that I have learned from the uh-home and-the uh, food channel. New recipe. [[Giant Penis Comic|Chicken calzone. An', mashed potatoes, n' green beans.]]

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Myeah, it was very good.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Bububububoobee! Th!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Aah, too bad lil' Reginald end up uh, throwing up in some places...

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, can I go my woom now, I think I'm gonna do my... uh, write my diary, and y'know guh get ready for bed soon.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Okay [[sweetheart]], y-go k-Crystal, go take care of yourself.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Thank you daddy!

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dababubudee!

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: I'll now take Reginald off your hands, and you can take care of the uh-dinner table and all that, okay.

'''Narrating:''' Alright so, I take care of the dishes... Duhduhduhduhduhduhdadada... And then a lil' while later, go upstairs t'... tuck children into bed...

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, that was a very lovel- very nice story you read to me.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: I'm glad you enjoyed it, Crystal.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, will i be-do you know what I might be when I grow up?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: No. What do you think you might be when you grow up?

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: I thiink, I want to be a ballerina dancer. Either that, or a [[Officer Nasty|police pers- police woman]]. I'm still undecided.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: That's alright, you ma-you take your time, make up your mind, it'll come to you, dear. Night! [''Fumbles with toy''] Oops. [''"Kisses"''] Goodbye- goodnight sweetheart. Goodnight little girl.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Goodnight!

'''Narrating:''' Now we tuck Re- And now we tuck Reginald in.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dabadabadabadubu!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [''"Kiss"''] Mmm, well you sleep tight little partner. Don't be makin' no cries tonight.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dubehbedubuh.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Mmm. Wow, he's sound asleep already, hope he stays that way for the rest of the night.

[''Begins to press "Jackie" and "Chris" into the "bed"''] Mmm, legos don't want to fit together.

''["Jackie" and "Chris" are on the bed. The bed is only 4 units wide, so both characters are teetering on the edge.]''

'''Narrating:''' And now, me n' my wife in bed. Mmm... So what's up ho- what's up for tomorrow?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Well I got another case to report... I got me doi- they got me doin' a trial with uh- some- with some- against some dude who uh, murdered somebody. S'posed to be really big, so... Take it up on that.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Alrigh... Mmm... I got m- got my- tomorrow's shopping day. Have to deal with the uh... Sh- Have to deal with the, little Reginald, crying on the back seat with me, so... Crystal will keep him calm.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: That's good...

''[Chris begins to [[rape|do the inevitable]], but luckily notices in time that society seems to require that pesky "asking" part]''

‘‘‘Chris’’’: So, you wanna do it?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yeah, why not. ''[Chris pushes the lego figures together]'' Oh yeah, you do it good. ''[Chris begins to bang the figures together, the sheer force of it breaks the bed, in a sex scene that lasts for approximately 5 seconds]'" Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah awhwww, good, goin' great.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: You did good.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yay.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Ahh, goodnight. Sleeep tight.

''[Chris, noticing that the bed has been destroyed, just drops the minifigures on the floor.]''

'''Narrating:''' The e-

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan Playing With Legos (ZOMG XXX ACTION HOTT NSFW)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yOOPpKUBgUQ}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = posthumanfetus
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| type = Remix
}}

==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[SonichuBabies]]|nextlink=[[Wigwam]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 b]]

Chris and money

2012-11-30T12:21:43Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

It's obvious that [[Chris]] has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on things like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], weekly lottery tickets<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_12</ref>, and, more recently, [[alcohol]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|make-up]] and prostitutes. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer.<ref name="Miyamoto" /> His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' single [[PS3]] game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores. Usually, children are taught the value of money at a very young age - not in Chris's case, apparently.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris's only source of income is the $809 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,708. Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board.;<ref name="Miyamoto" /> this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after [[Bob]] paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. Yet with my impuslive shoppiness (mostly controable [sic]), I end up spending my side-money after I get it.|Chris, [[Chris and His Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].<ref name="Miyamoto">[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref>}}

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] encouraged his son to remain unemployed, since he believed that Chris would earn more money from his monthly tugboat than he would have from getting a job. However, this assumption was and is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: $15,100 annually. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000 in ''spending'' money, as in, for more [[sex toys]] and [[video games]]. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents, and it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either thinking Chris would lose his social security if employed (which he wouldn't) or knowing that his son is a failure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his coddling parents are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they have managed to make sure that Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[List of restaurants|fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on [[list of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and useless stuff, as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Bob and Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that he [[Target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit, he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever]]</ref> Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle [[money]], Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond. His mother has served as a bad influence in both regards, as she would compulsively shop at Goodwill and compulsively hoard the purchases, which both wasted money and helped turn their house into the fire- and biohazard it is today.

With the possibility that he might have ended up in jail over the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris' bad spending habits would have come back to haunt him. In jail, he won't be able to collect his [[monthly tugboat]], and if a full year passes without him collecting his cheques, he will have to reapply for his welfare, something that would be a bit more difficult under the Obama administration, which doesn't look too kindly on social security due to the stress it causes to the overall economy,<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/24/us/politics/financial-outlook-dims-for-social-security.html]</ref> and has even started measures to cut them down altogether. <ref>[http://finance.yahoo.com/news/u-winds-down-longer-benefits-152809517.html]</ref> That, combined with the costs associated with court appearances as well as the fact that the last surviving breadwinner, Barbara, may have also landed in jail, would have resulted in Chris being placed in very dire circumstances, something which [[Kacey|several]] [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|have]] [[Mumble 4|tried]] and [[Playstation Vita|failed]] to warn him about. Fortunately for him, he wasn't sentenced to jail, but the fact that he openly stated during his trial that his mother would pay his court fees is telling of both [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|his character]] and his financial situation.

It should be worth noting that despite all of the circumstances ''(and expenses)'' described above, Chris is still wasting money on video games, as evidenced by his playing of ''Rock Band Blitz'' on the PSN, which was released in August 2012, pretty much cementing that even when faced with the consequences of bad spending habits, Chris [[Autism|will learn absolutely nothing.]]

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By then, [[Bob Chandler]] had to step in, forcing Chris to put the brakes on his spending and pay down his debt according to a regular schedule. Chris, unaware of or uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit-card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the [[monthly tugboat]] in compensation. This act of parental scapegoating could have potentially cleared Chris's future to be free of bad credit and crushing debt, had he not already acquired another credit card...

=== Best Buy Mastercard ===

In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claimed that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continued that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris's credit rating (though that ship has ''long'' since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seemed to use this damning information to try to make Chris's latest brush with the [[law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* [[Troll]]s achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme, just by chance, hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him; he mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there; and then he blamed his debt on trolls, in another transparent attempt to avoid responsibility.

One of Chris's [[Jackie E-mails 7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission: he only told them about it after receiving two bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to pay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. Chris now receives only an allowance in the form of Visa gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt. The prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie E-mails 8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with [[Jackie]], Chris claims that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to Bob were the work of trolls. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he's just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes.

With Bob's passing comes the possibility that Chris may once again have full control of his money, putting at risk what Bob had worked toward. Chris's acquisition of the [[PlayStation Vita]] and over 600 dollars worth of video games for that system is most likely proof that Chris has regained control of his money and is tossing it away like it was nothing.

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, ''à la'' [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]]; states, let alone cities, cannot print their own money, despite holding considerable power over their own affairs. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. Granted, states have historically issued their own money - when they were colonies and during difficult times, such as the Revolutionary War. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class, missed out on this information.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#This still implies that CWCville has a massive homeless problem]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating education|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s.

In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him. {{cite}}

In late [[October 2011]], Chris posted a Craigslist ad for a 12-year old 32" CRT television and expected a non-negotiable $250 for it;<ref>[[Craigslist#Television]]</ref> in reality, this is about the price of a new flatscreen HDTV of that size, and he would be lucky to get a tenth of his asking price.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping. This is paralleled by his real life situation - with [[Bob]] gone, one would assume that he'd be the "man of the house" and assume some responsibility for once. Unfortunately, as evidenced by his [[This is how the Trial went|admission in court,]] Barb is still pulling his ass out of any such concept by paying his court fees. Keep in mind that, by extension, Chris is being minded by an ailing woman's retirement money which was used to bail him out of a mess that ''he'' started, while he wastes his own money on meaningless video games.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, ''à-la'' the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Chris and health

2012-11-30T11:51:34Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Nutrition */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food-lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself four or five days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[Coca-Cola|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7|Kacey Call #7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. However, in the twenty-something years he has been wearing the glasses, they have done nothing to correct his eyesight. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. Nobody will know, as Chris prefers to use his [[monthly tugboat]] on vidya games rather than on [[Chris and reality|getting his eyes checked]] or perhaps [[Chris and Fashion|wearing the appropriate-sized glasses for his prescription]]. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. It is possible that Chris's glasses are only for reading, as Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive (it could also have something to do with the fact that Chris is [[Autism|disabled]], however, his disability seemingly does not affect his driving abilities). Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris remaining a [[virgin]] until very recently, and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Whether or not Chris's encounter with a prostitute will affect his self-perception and maturity has yet to be seen. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which means that Chris may soon be forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "Counselor"]]), or risk being imprisioned.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, more important, things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He didn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Megan emails, 2005-2006

2012-11-29T19:15:22Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Megan tells Chris to stop acting like a molester */

The following is a transcript of the known e-mails between [[Megan]] and [[Chris]] between November [[2005]] and June [[2006]]. The only thing that has been removed are the email ads at the bottom of each page.

Megan's e-mails are in pink, Chris's in light blue.
==E-mails==
===Megan wants a ''Tintin'' episode===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3@velocitus.net 
Sent: Tue, 1 Nov 2005 3:14 am 
Subject: quick!

Hey quick! Please go to ebay and type [[Wikipedia:The Adventures of Tintin (TV series)|Tintin videos]]

There's a buy it now near the bottom. The episode is [[Wikipedia:Cigars of the Pharaoh|Cigars of the Pharoahs]]. it's $9.99 and shipping is 5.75

Please can you get this video for me? please hurry! thanks!}}

===Megan talks about meeting Chris on the park===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.comt 
Sent: 8 November 2005 
Subject: Yes [[Wikipedia: Klonoa|Klonoa]]!

I don't mind being called Meg, it's short 'n simple!

Luckily when I bought my USED copy of Klonoa it came with everything, but I just got some new printer ink, so I can go ahead and scan in the front and back for you!

How do you like the game? Beautiful isn't it? Now you see why I'm desperate to find the soundtrack!

Oh I think I have an extra jewel case to use too! So I'll work on that!

We'll discuss plans about sunday on friday. 
No offense but I never give my number out. It's certainly nothing directed at you but I just don't enjoy talking on the phone either. Besides we live like right down the street from the park so it's like 2 min away on bike!!

As for resteraunt ''[sic]'' thanks but no thank you, we'd have already eaten by then. I eat lunch early. But thank you very much for such a nice invite, I'm sorry to have to decline.

Thanks for going to bring the sleeves, I'll bring all my cards to see what I'll need.

Well let's hope the weather's fine on sunday,eh? 
See you on friday!! 
Megan}}

===Chris wants to date Megan at McDonald's===
{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: pearl3@velocitus.net 
Sent: Sat, 3 Dec 2005 8:12:18 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Hi Hi, Meg.

I've just talked to [[Bob Chandler|my father]] about him coming one Friday. Currently, he's a bit under the weather. But if he feels better by this coming Friday, he'd like for us to get together at the [[McDonald's|McDonalds]] closest to the [[The GAMe PLACe|Game & Hobby place]] after the League-Play. I'll let you know for sure Friday.

Thank you for the drawings you gave me. For your island's name, I feel that, "[[Parody|Parodyse]] Island," is a slightly better name.

Everytime I see your drawings, I get inspired to want to work more on [[Sonichu (comic)|my comics]]. So, I'll be working more often on them; I hope you're still working on your Strawberry Pink story, because it fascinates me. ;8)

I'll talk to you again soon.

Stay Sweet;

Chris Chan.}}

===Don't kiss me, bro===

{{quoteboxred|From: pearl3 
Sent: 20 Dec 2005
Subject: happy holidays

Hello!

Yes I did watch the musical and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] and I agreed we officially hate that bad-guy, we think he's kinda queer. I thought the ending was the best part. I like how Eternal [[Sailor Moon|Sailormoon]] came out. We should try and find the fourth season that includes my favorite villains the Amazoness Quartet. I heard they sing a lot with [[Sailor Moon Poster|Chibiusa]].

I love the first season of the [[anime]]. It's got that old mono sound quality to it. I like anime that sounds vintage. but of course the [[america]]n version re-did all the [[music]]...

Thank you again for such nice gifts! I wasn't expecting that!

Although I really don't mean to be cold but please don't try and advance on kissing me please. The truth is I don't want a boyfriend because I don't desire and idolize boys like other girls. I enjoy being independant. So you see what I mean? It's certainly nothing personal towards you. I'm just ag irl who doesn't care about loving guys. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them though.

Well since I bought models and been working on them I think the glue has made me ill, so in case I don't feel well enough to go on the computer I'll go ahead and say

I hope you have a Merry [[Christmas]] and the holidays go well for you. 
Megan 
ps no one in my family is [[autistic]]. uuuuh I feel ill I'm gonna take a nap watching sailormoon!}}

===Megan puts Chris in the [[friend zone]]===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: 13 March 2006 
Subject: Thank you!

Well that's easy, YOU ARE A TERRIFIC PERSON! It's nice to have a good friend who can put up with me! ;) 
I'm looking forward to these photos. I'll do my best to explain them to you.

Anyway, well I see you as a really superb, kind and thoughtful understanding playful friend! Sorry to dissapoint ''[sic]'' you on love topics but I enjoy being an independant ''[sic]'' person. When your ''[sic]'' single you can have many guy friends. When you're not, boyfriends get suspicious about your other friends.

Thanks for understanding about the game. Hey, it's one less debt I gotta worry about!!! :))

I'll see ya later! 
~Megan}}

===Megan writes the longest Urgent Message in history===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: 22 April 2006 
Subject: please forgive me...:(

''[Part of the mail is missing]''

third which is probably the worst case yet- 
I have kept this secret until John's birthday. I have been saving money to buy both John and I a [[Nintendo DS]] and a couple games. So I have a DS now. But PLEASE DON"T BE MAD...especially since I was fooling around with John's gamecube and saw some of the note...I didn't read all of it. Something like make sure I don't get a DS with Nintendogs? Were you planning to give one to me? I feel terrible. I [[Biological_clock|didn't get any sleep last night]] due to worrying about it.

I had a feeling you would have already spent your [[money]] on one for me. If so please, you may return it. I don't want to seem ungrateful but they are expensive and I just can't accept such a pricey gift from you. But if you can't return it or get any cash or credit from trade-in, well what can I say? I just don't know what to say. I feel rotten but I hope I'm not to blame. I didn't know. We BOTH didn't know. I hope you understand and I hope you are not [[angry]]. 
I am flattered and amazed you would go through such trouble, thank you friend! :)

Is there any way I can make it up? I'm [[Remorse|VERY DEEPLY SORRY]] Christian. PLEASE understand it. I hope I'm not at fault. I should have told you I got one a few days ago. I hope it isn't too late. But I thought it was right of me to tell the truth. I hate not being [[honest]]. I'm like a military dog- loyal to the end.

Well my DS is blue. I have Chihuahua game and Yoshi Touch n' Go 
For my brother he will get a silver DS with Lab game and Mario Kart, but my mom and aunt have helped me aquire ''[sic]'' them. 
Yoshi game is lovely and relaxing. A good bedtime game! ;) 
I like your yoshi game too. 
Hey I was wondering since we get ripped off at gamestores why not trade games with each other? 
I may have a few games I lost interest too. A couple from the Crash Bandicoot series and maybe some gameboy games. John has a couple [[Star Wars]] games for the gamecube he doesn't want. 
Do you have anything you don't play anymore? And hey maybe after a while we could always trade back if we miss our old games. I'm glad you liked my spoiled Shadow2 chao! He's a good boy!

Well I better send this email I hope you get it in time. And once again I'm very sorry. I don't feel like I'm a good friend but I'm being honest. I hope our friendship remains.

Thank you}}

===Megan has a thing for German soldiers===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: 1 May 2006 
Subject: Re: Hi

Thanks, those photos will really mean a lot to me. I hope you can win them. Yes I found the games. They were in John's bag. As for July, I may be going out of state for a week or so. We usually do. Not yet sure though.

Well I got stuff to do as well so see you in a while. (Won't be coming this friday.)

Oh the reason I love German photos is cause they are stereotyped soldiers. None of the soldiers in those photos were actual Nazi soldiers. And it offends me when people say "Oh Germans are all a bunch of Nazis" Gee thanks I'm German too. 
Plus they are private and personal photos and I think they are all special. You wonder if any of them are alive still. 
Please do your best to win them. If you can win them I'll stay away from [[ebay]] for 2-3 months if you'd like. 
Keep this between you and me but I find many of those soldiers unbearably handsome. They have really fair pretty faces. *Ahem* ANYway you didn't hear that from me!

talk to you later 
~Megan}}

===Megan likes friendship but dislikes touchy/feely situations===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: 3 May 2006 
Subject: Thank you!

Ok first of all THANK YOU for getting that lot! Please show that loser what your ''[sic]'' made of on the other 3!! Thank you! I hope steady payments will be ok? Did you inform the dealer that you may win others? So he can combine shipping?

Second of all the term I used "I'm not the one for you" Has absolutely NOTHING to do with YOU. That term refers to ME. And the reason for being is because I have no desire nor do I care to have a boyfriend, period. Even if he were the most gorgeous soldier on the planet. I just don't care. And perhaps I was meant to not like "love". Actually I have more enjoyment when I'm by myself. I don't ever feel lonely. So the term means, I wouldn't be good in a relationship because I'm not one to frantically dial the phone hoping for date. I'm a loner kind of person and that's the way I was born. I'm sorry again you feel that way. But you know me, I gotta be 100% [[honest]].

So in other words: you're NOT a loser, I'm not saying I don't like you. I just don't care for guys in that kind of relationship matter. But that doesn't mean I don't care period. I care because we are friends. And I prefer to have guys only as friends because they are good companions and comrades. I never cared about having a boyfriend, I doubt I will.

I like being the way I am, and I don't want to be like the others. Yeah that's a good way to say it. I want to be as different from people as I can. I hear girls saying how they wanna get married/have kids and stuff like that, but not me! I wanna be free from marriage and have my own life with myself. I absolutely LOVE being by myself for some reason, but again that doesn't mean I hate being around you or other friends, ok?

So I hope you understand that now. And maybe you know now why I don't like touchy/feely situations. BUT I ENJOY BEING FRIENDS!!

In conclusion, having a any kind of boyfriend is just not in my system. My goofy cousins just don't understand why I'm not married or dating. They're both married but I think deep down they admire me for being that adament ''[sic]'' about it. Somehow I get the same feeling from you? You admire my rougeness and toughness?

Well I hope you feel better after you read this. But hey, isn't it better to tell you now BEFORE anything has happened? Unlike that [[Hanna|*excuse me* Bitch]] you drew in your [[Scrapbook_of_Fail|book]] who was pranking you? Girls like that deserve my wrath!

I'll talk to you later 
I hope you feel better 
~Megan}}

===Chris wants her number===

{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: pearl3@velocitus.net 
Sent: Sun, 7 May 2006 2:03:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Hey, Meg-Chan.

Hey, no worries about the park meeting yesterday; I enjoyed watching the [[duck]]s and the fish. I've also talked to some of the ducks... have I done my [[Donald Duck impersonation|"Donald Duck" imitation]] for you? [[Pedofork|And the children that passed by were fun to watch as well.]] I'd love to ride the train with you. :)

I plan on working on my room as well this week.

I'll jump in on the 87-photo lot tonight at about 7:45...wait till the last minute... and punch in my max. bid. I'll let you know about the monetary total after winning the photos for you. ;)

That's funny you've bought [[Wikipedia:Super Princess Peach|Super Princess Peach]]; so did I, and I am enjoying it as well. I'll send you a list of the games of your selected systems in my next E-Mail in a MSExcel file. I'll bold the ones I'd be willing to trade/give to you; you can print it for yourself and highlight the one's you'd like (I've misplaced the list with your underlines... I'm sorry).

Megan, I'd feel much better if I could converse with you about these situations vocally (than written), because I feel a bit of tension from waiting a day or two for your reply. And I feel that our points would come across between us more effectively. I understand that you don't like to "waste time on the phone," but how often do you receive calls at your house or cell from anyone other than telemarketers? So, could I get your phone number, please?

I know that I've given you mine a few times, so you have that.

Love, with you always in my mind and heart;

Chris Chan.}}

===Megan tells Chris to think of her as Knuckles===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.comt 
Sent: 22 May 2006 
Subject: Hey

Hey! Ok, maybe I should get this off my chest first-

Well I like us being [[Gal_pal|friends]] but please understand that I wish for no [[Sweetheart|deeper relationship]]. I just don't care or have that desire for a boyfriend no matter who he is ok? 
And to be honest I felt awkward on how you all of sudden said you wanted to come to my house. Lemme just say this- You should think of me as [[Knuckles]]! I'm the kind of person who although is a loyal friend- I can only take so much friendly meetings. You know how Knuckles will hang around a bit but then take off once again. I'm like that. Hanging out on fridays is really the most I can do. I know that probably doesn't seem fair to you but you are a different person with your own [[autism|different needs]]. I'm my own person with my own different needs- or should I say unwanted needs! ;) So please could we put off park meetings for a while? Pretty please with a Yoshi Berry on top! :D And also please give me a little more space at the [[The_GAMe_PLACe|store]]. I don't always like having a second shadow while looking at stuff. DO NOT take this as an insult- you have no idea how many times I have to bark at John sometimes!! 
So from now on I'd like a little time alone looking at models that will never come in and then I'll come to the middle and [[Card_games|play]]! I love playing now since I made a new refreshing deck! Speaking of decks, Print out that email you sent me about your [[Yugioh]] deck cause John has more knowledge about it then ''[sic]'' me. John helped me with all my yugioh stuff!

Ok, moving from that "depressing" subject! I think I see the [[music]] problem! When you download, are all the bands separated by genre? If so then Stryper and Holy Soldier are more then ''[sic]'' likely located in the Christian section. (no pun intended-as I rudely burst out laughing! forgive me!) 
Yes Stryper is a "[[Chris_and_religion|religious]]" band but I don't think they are extreme. You know how they say people change depending on the music they hear. Sure that's probably true for all the hoods that listen to that [[Chop_Chop_Master_Onion's_Rap_Showdown|stupid loud violent rap]]. But I've had Stryper for several years and it hadn't turned me into a nun! 
As for Holy Soldier, they were probably put there just because of their name. I don't think their music is as Christ-ly as Stryper. Holy Soldier is however positive and anti-negative. For example one song explains "[[6_June_2010|drink and drive is suicide]]." 
Either way I think you'll like them. Which of the songs I reccomended ''[sic]'' did you like the most or least?

I love your mario [[Video_games|game]]- so does John! But I love playing the mini games better then ''[sic]'' the real game! Not to brag but I've beaten some of your high scores!! My favorite games are: 
The game where you find either Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Yoshi's face. 
Matching the Wiggler pattern! I love Wigglers!!! They are soooo oogy-woogy! Plus that baby music they play emphasizes that!

''[Part of the mail is missing]''}}

===Megan comments on Chris's photos===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
Sent: Mon, 5 Jun 2006 12:18 am 
Subject: My tour through CWCville

Hi! I'm leaving tomorrow so I have time for one more email!

I'm typing this and looking at the pics of your stuff at the same time!

Let's see what I see....

pic#1: I notice the [http://lego.wikia.com/wiki/Octan Octan] signs right away. John had several sets from that. Wow this is neat, I never combined my sets like that. I only have a few small ones.

pic#2: First of all you have the same window air cooling unit I have. I see [[Ghostbusters|Houndhowl]] hanging down! No offence but [[Chris's room|your room]] looks a little cluttered and messy. Sometime I'll be like [[Wikipedia:Brock (Pokémon)|Brock]] the super maid and get that place organized!!

pic#3: Is that a japanese temple I see!? I've NEVER seen that before! OH!! You have an Egyptian set!! With my lego hero!! [http://lego.wikia.com/wiki/Johnny_Thunder Johnny Thunder]!! I have a set with a sphinx.

pic#4: Neat [[Pokemon]] poster! Hey I see my german boys down below!! I wonder....did you do that on purpose so I'd notice? ;)

pic#5: your closeups are really professional. I wish my camera was that good, cause I'd give you pics of my anime collection!

pic#6: Interesting combo: [[No More Jokes|Spiderman]] and a [[Sonichu]] car...!

pic#7: Neat sign. Neat [[lego]] dude. I've always liked the heads with the shades.

pic#8: Nice [[America|patriotic]] scene you got going there. Like the flag too.

pic#9: Holy Wow it's CHRISTIAN!!

pic#10: Is that a plane? [[Chris and art|I can't really tell.]]

pic#11: [[Jerkops|Cool cops]]! Look it's your [[Nintendo|gamecube]]! Am I an animal? :D

pic#12: uuuh....wow. Sonichu and you. How did you make the heads?

pic#13: read above

pic#14: I'm guessing that's the mayor? [[Liquid Chris|Otherwise you've cloned yourself with different hair]]!

pic#15: blurry

pic#16: dark and scary

pic#17: A wee blurry. Who's the red one again?

pic#18: nice little cafe. Is that Johnny too I see?

pic#19: nevermind.....it's just a Johnny [[Ian Brandon Anderson|imposter]].

pic#20: I totally want those sharks! :D

pic#21: Can't make out the sign

pic#22: The infamous [[birthday]] hospital!!

pic#23: Who's the wierdo with blue arms?!

pic#24: AAAH There he is again!!

pic#25: I don't know these people. Fill me in

pic#26: What's going on?

pic#27: Wahahahaha!! Either Crazy Hand or Master Hand came to visit!!

pic#28: That's a dudey-dude!

pic#29: You ever dust them off? hahaha

pic#30: *coughcough*

pic#31: Nice truck *please dust me, please dust me!*

pic#32: He looks scary and mean

pic#33: The almighty......something

pic#34: Whoa! It's [[Homos|Prince Fagalot]], Batman, and the [[Bunny Hop|Easter Bunny]]! NO WAIT!!! It's Liberty Bell, Mange, and Harmony Bunny!!

pic#35: Post Office

pic#36: Please.....please dust that poor horsey

pic#37: Why is there a witch in the middle of a fuel station! Looks like someone died too.

pic#38: A Red Cross office?

pic#39: What's this little place?

pic#40: Hoooooly Craaaaap......[[Wikipedia:Star Wars|Obi Wan, Luke, and Qui-gon]] are at the freakin bank!!

pic#41: Is this a night scene? Nice special effects

pic#42: Hey I see some of the stuff I gave you! Omigod! I can't BELIEVE you have that Mewtwo picture still!! hehehe can't wait til my birthday! Just a little request. can you please wrap the pieces in toilet paper so the paint won't scuff up the other parts? know what I mean? Anyway that was a nice conclusion of my tour through your city!! Thank you! JUST KIDDING!!! I already have my own plush of him!

picture of you, sonichu and [[rosechu]].: Wow this part of your room looks clean!! Oh wait it's a hotel room. wahahaha!

I've got the full poop on that lego car!

[[Transformers]]! More than meets the eye! Tranformers! Megan-likes-[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam|gundam]]-better-then-you-so goodbye!

Thanks for the pictures! I'll put them on my computer and use this cd to burn the tracks I have for you I meant to do a while ago. The English song and German song and others.

I'll talk to you when I have come back from my trip! Thanks again! Bye ~Megan}}

===Megan tells Chris to stop acting like a molester===

{{quoteboxred|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <pearl3@velocitus.net> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: 10 June 2006 
Subject: Hey, I'm back

Yep, but we had to come back earlier cause the rain won't let up. So we may go back later in the summer. Oh and to start off I did NOT go to any [[Navy]] base. I was only being sarcastic towards Fredric-- (don't know how to spell that)

Thanks for all your [[emails]] though! Oh I came home yesterday afternoon. There wasn't much to say about it since it rained.

Anyway well! I'm glad there is a new possible [[Gal_pal|friend]] for you!! So let me begin by saying this however I mean no harm towards your feelings. It's flattering how said your heart would remain strong to me but I really wish it didn't. And here is why: I've told you many times I don't want a serious relationship with you or any other guy for that matter. And so you really need to "give up" on me cause it'll only make you miserable. The fact that a fan has showed up may be a sign. Y'see instead of spending all your energy looking for a [[girlfriend]], you should lay back, take it easy and open up. Then I think someone will show. You should try not to act so desperate. The way to "spell it out" and advertise yourself- passing girls may think it's strange behavior. Of course I understand your situation, but other people don't and they may think- please don't get upset- that you are some kind of lech or molester. I know your ''[sic]'' not, but you see where I'm coming from? 
So, please do not waste more thoughts on me, of course we are friends but [[Friend_zone|friends only]]. Please "detatch" ''[sic]'' yourself from me and see if anything happens between you and this girl and maybe her friends ok? My wish for you is to find your own someone for yourself. Me? I'm just a "heartbreaker"! 
But just to answer your weird question, I would prefer clean shaven men but don't get any ideas that, THAT would win me! ;) 
I don't mean to sound harsh but I am grateful that we are friends. If it wasn't for you, I may have never seen StarS and my collection would be the same dolls and few figurines. I must say I am entirely grateful that you have trusted me finacially ''[sic]'' on [[ebay]]! I'll try my best to pay the remaining payments as quickly as possible. Thanks for your trust and patience.

I was wondering, I stay off [[ebay]] for a while but if there is a little plush I want from Pokemoncenter can we order it? I'll look later to see if there is anything.

Well John wants me for something so I'll get back to you later!

See ya! 
~Megan}}

===Pinned against the wall===

{{quoteboxred|From: pearl3 
Sent: 25 June 2006
Subject: an "angry" Megan?

Yeah, although I'm not angry at you, I'm a little dissapointed at your behavior. I'm really sorry this may sound harsh but it's the 100% truth about how I feel ok?

I know you know I "hate" guys and I hate love, cause I told you a million times ^^;!!

So why do you keep getting too close and touching me? I REALLY don't like it at all. I know you said cause you have feelings for me and it's hard for you. But (I'm sorry, this sounds mean) you really need to try and get over it. If you keep hanging on like that to someone who doesn't love you back.......well it'll only make you more miserable. You need to just accept the fact that I don't and will probably never love you so you should just take [[Stress sigh|a rejuvenating breath]] and move on.

Here's a secret, ONCE I actually "liked" someone and I spent a lot of unnesessary energy and time thinking about this person and trying to spend time with this person. But when I finally admitted to liking this guy, I was bluntly refused. I wasn't his "type". And he didn't even tell me that, I had to ask his friend! So when a guy doesn't like me, THAT'S IT!! I don't "like" them anymore! If I'm not his type to be close to, then I'm not his type to be friends with, an what do you know! The same person things I'm a freaky nazi thing! But don't EVER EVER EVVVVVVVER repeat that to me or anyone else ok? Although I was somewhat hurt I've soon gotten over it, you know I don't even think I really liked this guy in the first place! It's like....I was experimenting? Oh well he's not worth my time. >-<

So it was a fake love? Sometimes I don't understand myself. My mind and heart say two different things. But throughout my life I've trained myself to ignore feelings for a guy. I don't WANT a boyfriend and I won't give in! I won't allow it!! Of all the hair bands I love anti-love songs. Example: did you download Queensryche's I Don't Believe In Love? 
I don't. To be honest, I don't care for love. period.

Now I sound like [[Mary Lee Walsh|that lady villian you have]], but oh well, that's the real me. Also this is a secret I've hidden away for a long time cause everyone would think I really was a freak.

I only love animals. I love recieving affections from them and I love being with them. In other words, I love [[My Little Pony|animals]] more than [[Chris|humans]]. I absolutely HATE how people treat them and are cruel to them. Afterall animals were here on this planet first. And now look what we've done. We destroy their homes and destroy them. Animals that are endangered are all because of stupid humans. Their disgusting greed of taking their own fur!! It makes me SICK!!

Now you know the real me, but how do you like me now? When it comes to relationships, I'm a "dangerous" person. It seems I only [[Heart level|break hearts]]. So for your own sake, please try to get rid of the lovey feelings for me and we can [[Just Friends|just be friends]]. So PLEASE don't touch me anymore ok? I don't like it! And last wed you really had me pinned against the wall. Please give me more space.

Now that I've finally gotten THAT off my chest let's move on to more [[Fuzzy-wuzzies|happier thoughts]].
600??!! No way! I only have around 80! Even though they started in the 80's I don't think 600 were ever made! But I could be wrong. I only collect the newer ones that came out in the [[2000]]'s.

Sheesh, where do you keep your [[Transformers|transformers]]? Maybe you should hang some in the ceiling like there battling! Yeah I seem more like a Gemini. I have [[30 August 2009|split personalities]], there's the girly-my-little-pony-shoujo-anime-lover-plushie side of me then there's the cold-war-monger-gi joe-german soldier-militaria side of me.

Yes I've heard that opposites attract, but also....doesn't a negative and a positive make a negative?

Oh yeah, before I decide to write a letter, why does [[Bob|your father]] doubt my residing in Staunton in the first place and why would he care anyway? I feel wierd about the whole thing in any case. Cause I mean, when you look at it, where I live has nothing to do with him and OH YEAH I JUST REMEMBERED!!!! We no longer get mail at our house due to past events I wish not to explain. Our P.O Box is in Fishersville. So whether or not I write a letter, it wouldn't satisfy him! jeeeeez....

Well I'm hungry now so I'll leave it at that
If your feelings are hurt, I'm really sorry, but perhaps you take that opportunity to [[Masturbate|release your feelings for me]] and start a-new.}}

===Megan sends Chris some more mixed signals===

{{quoteboxred|From: pearl3 
Sent: 15 July 2006
Subject: yeah

Jeez....what kinda question is that? I honestly have NO idea!! You can't change your looks unless it's plastic surgery or something. I'm not the one you need to ask. I really don't know what you should do, you should sit down and try to think it out for yourself.

Also I'm just a little mad that I have to keep telling you to PLEASE stop touching me! It's like you're not wanting to listen to me! I tell you, then you say ok, but eventually you're back to the same tricks, and this time I really MEAN IT!! Even my other friends don't like it and think it's weird. So once and for all could you PLEASE STOP? You KNOW I don't like it so why do you keep doing it? It's not like you're gonna try and soften me or something.

So, I don't wanna have to tell you again or I might get really angry. Cause you know unwanted remarks, or advances to a girl is Sexual Harassment and I don't take that lightly. Ok? So can you understand now?

Anyway sometimes I get the feeling that you copy me to get me to like you. Like Sailormoon for example. The only Sailormoon thing you had was that adult video and since I told you how much I love it then you start getting into it. Kinda like My Little Pony. That kind of thing really annoys me. If you ever see any Sailormoon game for DS, please let me buy that first. Remember the first ebay purchase was that Sailormoon Super Best CD? It really hurt me when I found out you went ahead and listened to it!! If I ever purchase a game or cd from ebay in the future....please....let me listen or play it first. It hurts my feelings when I'm buying something and you go ahead and beat it first or something. Even though you are buying it....still I'm paying you back for it when you jump right in on it, it hurts me and ruins the whole fun for me. It's like, "what's the point since you already beaten it?"

Going back to "are you copying me" I don't like it much when people get into something RIGHT AFTER they find out I liked it first. When you said we had a lot in common like Sailormoon and My Little Pony, well who Loved Sailormoon first? Who collected My Little Pony first? Ok, I know I sound like a spoiled brat but can you see what I'm trying to say? 
I don't like being too in common with others, I try to be different from others as possible. I personally don't like Pretty Cure that much. Mostly the reason is cause YOU liked it first. And out of respect I decide not to get into it cause to me, Pretty Cure is YOUR thing like Sailormoon and My Little Pony should be MY thing, you know? 
I even remind myself to not tell of my other series I love cause I'm afraid the next day, you'll have everything there is to get from that. So if I ever order something that's something you don't really know about, then just "hand it over casually" like you didn't even see it.

So I just wanted to make these points clear and usually sounding mean like that is the only way for me to get them across. ''[Some of the email is missing here]''

Ok, first of all, I don't remember saying I DID choose him over you, if you have the email saying I did, send it please......I can't ever remember a conversation. >-<;

Second of all.....brace yourself, this may sound blunt and harsh. But shouldn't it be MY decision? When you sent the email saying you were gonna send a freak-out message saying "just how friendly were you" You make it sound like I have to get your approval to be that kind of "friendly" to someone. And I felt rather disappointed about those remarks. Besides he was really the FIRST guy to ever pay any notice to me. Not that I was trying to find attention, he just came up to me.

Also I secretly DID give you a chance, I always secretly "test" someone I'm making friends with. Just making someone happy isn't the ONLY thing I test, but my vibes and body chemicals whatever-you-call-em just don't feel anything around you. You know? It's also about the vibes and chemistry. Even though someone can just be a bestest nicest always do things for you kind of person, you don't always actually love them, and that's how I feel about you or rather don't feel about you. 
And you already KNOW I don't love you so why make yourself unhappy by holding grudges and trying so hard to win me over? So please if you really want to make me happy....please....let me make my own decisions and figure out my own life ok? 
Besides even IF I had a boyfriend, what makes you think I'll stop being friends with you? I'm not that kind of person who'd say... "well, I have a boyfriend now so see ya!" No, I'm not that kind of bitchy girl.

Also you don't even KNOW this guy so why do you say he can take care of himself? Afterall YOU'RE not the one who may have to answer the call of duty and head off to war. And I think he would need MORE emotional support. You're just losing love......he could lose his life. His death wouldn't be in vain but it's still a fallen soldier.

So there you go. I'm sorry you feel all depressed but that's just how it is. Stop saying ALL the girls are paired up, you can't prove that and those girls CHOSE to be with who they're with. 
So no matter what happens I'm not gonna drop all contact with you ok?

Now as promised here is my list of ponies! I love them all! 
ponies! ponies! ponies!}}

===Megan calls Chris out===

{{quoteboxred|From: pearl3 
Sent: 7 Aug 2006
Subject: hey

Ok thanks.

You know I haven't talked to this person in a year. I'm not really wanting to get together with him either. Boyfriends aren't for me. Don't want em, don't need em.
However I can't say I like how you call him a lucky "jerk"
Why is he a jerk? Why do you call ALL guys that?
Because they "Take all the pretty girls leaving you none to choose from?"
Hate to be blunt but that's a pathetic way to think!
You don't go to a mall and buy a girlfriend! The thing is, the guys didn't take all the girls.....the girls just didn't choose you. Quit blaming other men! Girls chose who their boyfriend was too!
You should know, that girl Soshii loves has a boyfriend. But does he hate Night or other guys?

Just because YOU don't have a girlfriend doesn't give you the right to HATE ALL MEN!! It's not THEIR fault! The world doesn't revolve around you. And keeping this grudge will really get you nowhere.

Personally I think you shouldn't be so picky about what they look like. All you say is you want a "pretty girl". Well it's the INSIDE that counts! Afterall, a pretty girl can have the personality of Satan, meanwhile an "ugly" girl may have a heart of gold but you wouldn't even give a second look would you?

I often wonder:
If I was an ugly girl, you wouldn't even come near me would you?

Which also makes me bring up something else. During the tag team, you yelled how you didn't want to pair up with a beginner! Did it even occur to you how many little kids' feelings you just shattered?
And so if I was a beginner, would you say that to me as well? Or would you just pair up anyway cause I happen to be a GIRL?
Your insults and hatred towards other guys can offend me cause it offends my brother!

Well sorry all that sounds mean, but I hope it gave you something to think about.
I remember seeing a letter posted by you in [[Shoujo Beat]]. Then a couple issues later there was a reply to that. Did you see that? Well that girl is absolutely right!!

Ugh...hungry}}

==Gallery==

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</gallery></center>

{{MeganSaga}}
{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

2006

2012-11-29T19:09:42Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* August */ She never said she had a crush on the soldier, she merely said he was handsome. This is an important detail as it shows how ridiculous Chris's reaction is.

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''2006'''.]]
[[Image:113-CWCJam061.jpg|thumb|Christian as he saw himself in '''2006'''.]]
[[Image:114-CWCJam062.jpg|thumb|The [[Love Quest]] takes its toll...]]
[[Image:Etc_ebay_bid.PNG|thumb|Overview of Chris's [[eBay]] purchases during the first half of '''2006'''.]]
[[Image:08-Camo-Flage.jpg|thumb|A [[My Little Pony]] drawn by [[Megan]].]]
[[Image:0714-PVCCCaddDeg2.jpg|thumb|On '''12 May 2006''', Chris finally gets his degree.]]
[[Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG|thumb|On '''27 June 2006''', [[Patti]] dies.]]

The year '''2006''' shows several important developments within [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s behavior that are now seen as typical.

First, Christian starts to get more and more clingy towards [[Megan]]. She repeatedly [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|tells him off via e-mail]], but to no avail.

Second, he begins the conspicuous consumption that would eventually get him into a significant amount of [[Chris and money|debt]]. For the first time, Chris starts buying pornography, [[sex toys]], [[My Little Pony]]s, and other seemingly childish and useless objects from sites like [[eBay]] and AdamandEve.com. Although Christian is unemployed and no longer in school for most of the year, he still has a limited social life. He mostly goes out to engage in [[card game]]-related activities.

In 2006, [[Barbara]] apparently asks Chris to stop drawing the [[sub-episodes]]. Therefore, after [[Sonichu 4]], no more sub-episodes come out.

==Events of 2006==

===February===
* February 19 - First [[Sex toys|porn]] purchase from [[eBay]].
* February 24 - Chris turns 24.

===April===
* April 22 - [[Megan]] finds out Christian bought her a Nintendo DS.
* April 29 - Christian draws ''[[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]''.

===May===
* May 1 - Megan gets Christian to buy her Nazi pictures from eBay. She admits that she is attracted to Wehrmacht soldiers.
* May 6 - Christian wants to meet Megan in the park, but she doesn't show up. He [[Donald Duck impersonation|talks with the ducks]].
* May 12 - Christian finally gets his [[CADD degrees]] from [[PVCC]].
* May 22 - Megan tells Chris that she doesn't want a relationship. Saddened, he makes a CD entitled "CWC's Mix Jams '06: Story of My Quest, Part 1" and also "Part 2".<ref>Based on date in [[:File:058-CWCJam061Front.jpg]]</ref>

===June===
* June 10 - Megan tells Chris he should relax around her and not focus on finding love.
* June 25 - Megan tells Christian to back off. She says she was once refused by a boy she liked, and doesn't care for love.
* June 27 - Christian's dog, [[Patti]], dies.

===July===
* July 4 - Christian draws ''[[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]]''.
* July 15 - Megan tells Christian that she is getting tired of him copying her hobbies.
* July 26 - First [[My Little Pony]] purchase from eBay.

===August===
* August 3 - Megan tells Chris that she found a German soldier in an old WWII photo handsome. Chris is devastated.
* August 7 - Megan tells Christian she doesn't like his attitude against men.
* August 14 - Christian revises [[Story of My Current Days]], and adds information about his most recent exploits.
* August 27 - With nothing to do, Chris fakeposts on his guestbook AGAIN, saying that he wants to send a message to every [[Charlottesville]] girl that doesn't want him on Myspace, and tell them to "get off their behind" and date him.

===September===
* September 14 - Chris sends a copied eulogy for Patti [[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006|via email]] to [[Anna]].
* September 16 - Chris buys a Booty-licious Love Doll. (It's an ass-lovers dream come true.)

===October===
* October 17 - Chris leaves a few comments on his [[PSN Blogs]] about the [[PS3]] and the [[PSP]].

===November===
* November 28 - Christian shoots his [[Pixelated PS3]] video for Adult Swim.

===December===
* December 25 - Chris gives up on Santa because he, after being asked for three consecutive years, still hasn't brought Chris a woman to be his. (Strangely, Chris also states to have stopped believing in Santa at the age of 15 already...)

==References==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and writing

2012-11-28T14:07:23Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Chris as a poet and lyricist */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''

Chris's writing shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses from the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Sometimes Chris would interrupt an action scene to introduce something that is completely irrelevant to its context.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref> Its overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. He regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience.

=== Exposition ===
[[File:SchuComic10P3.jpg|thumb|If only there was some way that events and actions could be depicted visually, rather than as endless and tedious walls of [[Comic Sans]].]]
[[File:SchuComic10P65.jpg|thumb|For fuck's sake.]]
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks. (The worst offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*,<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref> *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.) Apparently even he knows that his shit art is too unclear to convey an idea properly without an additional description.

[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]

=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''

Chris's characters as they are written are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. His main response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective. Including the [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|children]].

This in turn leads to only three basic stock personalities- all of the males are shallow bastards who are only interested in fucking and enforcing Comic-Chris's [[CWCville|draconian laws]], all of the females are shallow whores who only want to fuck, shop and cook (in that order, no less), and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic-Chris]] comes off as a murderous, insane dictator of a militaristic city-state enforced by a paramilitary secret police and a pack of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|super-powered goons]] with immunity from [[Chris and the Law|prosecution]] and freedom to commit any [[Sonichu 10|atrocities]] they ([[Gun Comic|and he]]) please, utilising a [[Magi-Chan|psychic hedgehog]] to spy on his citizens to make sure there are no [[homos|gay people]], and gleefully revelling in the pain he inflicts on those whom he deems unworthy.

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating in exposition something akin to "it just happened." With [[Blake]], who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he "flips." His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] and an equally sudden mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. No reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''.

===Dialogue===
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because [[Chris|some people]] [[Autism|rarely get visual references]]."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialogue alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his [[Autism|total ineptitude with emotions]].

=== Plot and Drama ===
Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affects his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest.

Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even ''shorter'' and ''less-climactic'' for the sake of emphasis.

Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A preview for a next issue tersely concludes the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to dismantling tension is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (with experienced ones instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point ''in his own comic''.

As you might guess, on top of everything else this makes the storyline for Sonichu '''unspeakably boring.'''

The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. As soon as Chris becomes uninterested in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed off-panel so that Chris can proceed to his newest internet girlf... ahem, plotline of interest. Other narrative threads (such as [[Meg-chan]], [[Blanca]] or [[Jiggliami]]) can be forgotten and abandoned entirely with, if the reader is lucky, a sentence or two tying up the loose end.

When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the Time Void subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris ''almost'' removes himself for ''almost'' two issues, and when it ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.

=== Visual clarity ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appears to be [[Chris and Religion|Father Christmas and Chris with a beard.]]]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]

Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his comics clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote|I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for the romantic. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].

He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with odd terms (''Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?''<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>). Sometimes, these reaches don't even rhyme (''Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity.'')<ref>[[Saddest Heart in the World]]</ref>.

Not even the Bard of Avon is safe from Chris's fail. In [[Sub-Episode 3]], a famous line from ''[[wikipedia:Macbeth|Macbeth]]'' has a couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end (I shatter hearts as I please! I hurt them hard with the greatest of ease!<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_20 Issue 4 Page 20]</ref>), while [[Bubbles]] mutilates a line from the ''[[Wikipedia:The Tempest|The Tempest]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_95 Issue 8 Page 95] (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")</ref> Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

''[[Nintendo Power]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact. Here it would seem that Chris is unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience disapproval of peers that concerned him as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'', which presumed that his person and daily life were of inherent reader interest.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his ''News Dash!'' mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format. Instead, Chris stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting an erratic and bizarre page layout.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]]
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Love Quest|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just another place for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.|Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' and ''Fear Street'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven false when he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'', another high school assignment.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[CWC's Diary]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris-chan Sonichu

2012-11-28T13:24:53Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Background */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:CWCSonichu.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Chris-Chan Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24th February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Weight'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| N/A
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}

{{quote|Chris-Chan's origin is unknown but when he is needed to help the Chaotic Combo, he is there. Quandry is brought up on the Sonichu-Head mark on his chest.|[[:Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg|Chris-Chan [Sonichu] ''Animal Crossing'' card]]}}

'''Chris-chan Sonichu''' is [[Chris]]'s full-on Mary Sue fursona in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[October 2010]], Chris [[ECV 00002|actually transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

== Background ==
[[Image:SchuComicSP3P6.jpg|thumb|right|Fun fact: Chris-Chan Sonichu also appears in Chris's sex fantasies.]]

When [[Christian Weston Chandler]] uses his [[Sonichu medallion]] to summon the Electric Hedgehog power of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], he is transformed into the legendary hero, Chris-Chan Sonichu. This alter ego allows Chris to join in the adventures of his creation [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], inevitably leading to his self-insert stealing the spotlight from his own original character. Chris-Chan Sonichu (or simply "Chris-Chan"), looks exactly like a blue Sonichu, who is just a yellow Sonic the Hedgehog, which puts us right back where we started.

In the early years following Sonichu's creation, Chris identified himself with the character directly, portraying potential love interest [[Sarah Hammer]] as [[Rosechu]] and rival [[Wes Iseli]] as [[Black Sonichu]]. At some point Chris found it necessary to more fully distinguish himself from his creation, and created a new set of hedgehog alter-egos for himself, Sarah, and Wes. As revealed in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Chris, Sarah, and Wes are the reincarnations of Native Americans who possessed "anchuent powers" necessary to oppose the evil of [[Count Graduon]]. Upon discovering the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Chris is shown how to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu by pressing his medallion.

Chris-Chan Sonichu's powers seem to be the same as those of the regular [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] powers, plus flight (though in ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', he claims it gives him the ability to use the powers of all the Electric Hedgehogs, though he can do that even as a human), and the medallion is apparently absorbed into his flesh, leaving a white mark where it used to lie. His only known weakness is that if the white mark is pressed he will revert back to fat, useless human Chris. Being vulnerable to a single poke in the chest would seem to be an insurmountable disadvantage, but Chris invariably transforms back with little effort. This is most likely a ripoff of two characters: [[Sailor Moon]], who had reverted to normal at least twice after having her transformation brooch damaged, and the Z-Putties from [[Power Rangers]], mooks who'd explode after being struck on the Z-shield on their chests.

After the theft of his medallion in real life in [[October 2008]], Chris rushed out a story meant to appear in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which the medallion is stolen in the comic as well. In the story Chris realizes that his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers came from his [[High School Ring]] all along, and that he does not need the medallion at all (although he uses his limitless power to reclaim it nonetheless). The purpose of the story appears to be to show the [[trolls]] that despite stealing the medallion they had not stolen Chris's Electric Hedgehog power, which is insane even for Chris. Compounding this batshittery, in ''The Sonichu Chronicles'' Chris feels it is necessary to explicitly tell [[Nintendo]] that he does not have Electric Hedgehog power in real life.

Chris incorporates his Chris-Chan Sonichu form into his sex fantasies too, as seen by the picture to the right. The fursona made an appearance in a sex audio session with [[Julie]], with whom he role played being Chris-chan Sonichu and sending shocks of electricity through Julie's wet [[china]]. In the "[[Giant Penis Comic]]", Chris depicts the consummation of his storybook marriage to [[Ivy]], showing himself and his lover transforming into their respective animal forms to properly yiff in holy matrimony.

Chris-Chan Sonichu also appeared in the video [[ECV 00002]] in [[October 2010]], when Chris [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplayed]] as his comic fursona at the request of then current sweetheart [[Jackie]].<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>

== In the Comic ==
=== [[Sonichu 0#Introductions|Introductions]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu is briefly alluded to during the Introductions segment following the end of Episode 1 of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], alongside [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]]. Chris doesn't immediately state that it is his Sonichu form in the comic, merely implying that Chris-Chan Sonichu and the others will have some significance later.

=== [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Classic Sonichu Strips]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu appears in two of the five Classic Sonichu Strips. One of them is a Mother's Day special, in which he and [[Sonichu]] team up to save [[Barb]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. At the end of this strip, Chris-Chan Sonichu transforms back into [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|regular Chris]] to talk to his mother, thus [[Chris and writing|ruining any attempt]] at dramatic build-up Chris may have been trying to establish with the vagueness on Chris-Chan Sonichu in the Introductions segment. The other strip is a simple fight with [[Jerkops]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] held over the course of two pages. Chris of course gets his ass handed to him immediately, and has to be saved by Saramah Rosechu, who is revealed to be [[Sarah Hammer]], thus ruining that surprise too.

=== [[Sonichu 0#Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"|Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"]] ===
In case the reader missed it the first time in the Classic Sonichu Strips, Chris more explicitly transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu here in the very first [[Sub-episodes|Sub-episode]] to fight the [[Jerkhief]], complete with [[Anime|transformation sequence]]. The Jerkhief gets robot armor, and Chris gets [[Pokémon]] moves. He defeats Jerkhief, who then attempts to shoot him. Chris responds with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and curses him with "bad luck and extreme misfortune", also causing his wife to leave him and the man to lose his house and his beloved children. In light of revelations later in the comic that all the Jerkops were really just brainwashed minions who didn't know any better, this scene later became even more horrifying.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"]] ===
For the first time, an actual explanation is given for why Chris has magic hedgehog powers. This episode features Sonichu happening upon the Destiny Cave and taking Christian back there, where he places his [[Sonichu Medallion]] on the pedestal and gains his powers for the first time. This would seem to indicate that this episode is the first canonical appearance of Chris-Chan Sonichu, and the Sub-episodes and strips that feature him take place some time afterwards.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"|Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"]] ===
Chris-Chan appears here with Sonichu some place just outside of [[CWCville]], described by a map reference Chris added on the page only as "rough terrain". Dialogue indicates that the two had been training offscreen, and Chris accidentally discovers how to change back into his human form; the mark on his chest. Wes then attacks, Chris and Sonichu dodge, the two of them have a long boring debate in which [[Chris and his Ego|Chris is obviously meant to be right]], and then they fight. Chris loses and is saved by Sarah intervening, just like in the strip.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"|Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"]] ===
The fight from last issue stops and Chris, Wes and Sarah all have a long boring discussion about the past in which Chris and Wes both whine a lot, eventually ending when [[Count Graduon]] finally appears with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. They realise that he was the evil they were meant to fight, and so they team up to rip off ''Sonic Heroes'' and use their ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|Team Blast]]'' attack to destroy a stone golem that Graduon had summoned. They then all change back and head home to talk more.

=== [[Sonichu 2#Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"|Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"]] ===
Chris one day randomly decides to go to Mary's hideout at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and kill her. He breaks in through the window in his Chris-Chan Sonichu form, makes a self righteous speech, attacks her, and gets beaten up yet again. Mary does this by hitting his singular weak point; the white mark on his chest, and he changes back into his normal self right in front of her. In theory, his identity was supposed to be a secret up until this point, even if a poorly hidden one given that he specifically mentions [[Christian Weston Chandler]] in his above mentioned speech, but nevertheless it is at this point Mary ''officially'' knows that it's him. Sonichu then steps in to save his father after his failed assassination attempt, and between them they manage to completely atomize her. It should be noted that this entire Sub-episode is just a redrawn version of a previous Classic Sonichu Strip, except that Chris did not transform in the last one.

=== [[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|Christian Chandler in "McAttack"]] ===
Chris is bothered in the [[Get-Tar]] region by [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]]. Always the coward, Chris quickly gets assistance from [[Darkbind Sonichu]] to help him out in the fight, and the two teams battle it out. Because Chris transforms whilst wearing his [[Anime Wings]], he becomes an upgraded version of his regular form, ''Super'' Chris-Chan Sonichu, who is essentially regular Chris-Chan Sonichu plus the flying ''Wing Cap'' powerup from ''Super Mario 64''. He defeats B-Manajerk whilst Darkbind defeats the Merried Seinor Comic, and Darkbind leaves shortly afterwards, just in time for Chris to get ambushed by the cyborg [[W-M-Manajerk]], ending the sub-episode on a cliffhanger.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"|Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"]] ===
Chris spends most of this episode in his human form, but becomes Chris-Chan Sonichu again towards the end. After Chris uses the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to will his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] into existence, the two of them then both transform into hedgehogs and fight W-M-Manajerk together, her having a weird [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] themed form called Crystalina Rosechu. The two eventually defeat W-M-Manajerk and throw his severed head all the way back to PVCC, where it hits Mary and knocks her off her chair. She is then mocked by a cuckoo clock bird that Mary had for some reason programed to insult her and shout words of support for Christian.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu is featured right away on the first page of this Sub-episode, as the first two pages are a reprint of the Classic Sonichu Strip from before where Chris gets beaten up at the mall by Jerkops and is saved by Sarah Hammer, with the addition of a single panel in which the defeated Mary swears to come back and defeat him with the "strongest most evil villian [sic] ever". Said strongest most evil villain ever turns out not to be [[Count Graduon]], the ancient evil spirit who had threatened the ancient [[Cherokee]] and [[Wasabi]] clans, but some guy called [[Bagget]], who is essentially a regular [[Jerkop]] dressed in a brown ''[[Power Rangers]]'' suit. Chris transforms, fights him, reverts to regular Chris, and then Bagget brings in his "[[Transformers|Change-Bot]]" called [[Crackder]], and picks up Chris, only to drop him from a high height. The Sub-episode ends on another cliffhanger.

=== [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"]] ===
Chris is defeated in human form and captured by Bagget early in the issue, and then taken back to PVCC to be executed via giant cooking pot. Crystal saves him at the last minute and the two of them transform. The two in their transformed states form the combo team "[[Chris-Chan Pure]]", and using the most weeaboo move in the entire ''Sonichu'' series, the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]], they defeat Mary and Graduon. [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] is freed of their evil grasp, and so Mary and Graduon go to take over [[Manchester High School]] instead.

=== [[Sonichu 5#Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"|Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"]] ===
Chris attends Sarah Hammer and [[William Spicer]]'s wedding in secret, via unexplained invisibility powers, and intervenes when Wes shows up again to kidnap Sarah. Chris transforms to fight him once more, but this time they battle it out with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards instead of [[Pokémon]] attacks. Chris yet again gets curb-stomped by a superior foe, but is also saved again. This time the heroes are [[Sailor Megtune]] and [[Megagi La Skunk]], who save him from another attack and force him to finish the battle and win.

=== [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|"Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"]] ===
Mary Lee Walsh attacks the city so Chris transforms again, also calling in his sister, Sonichu, Rosechu and the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Mary then lets out the [[CADD Chef]]; a giant robotic duplicate of Chris's CADD instructor from PVCC, and the Chris-Chan Pure defeat it. Eventually, Mary reveals the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and attempts to trap Chris inside it. Entering the mirror causes Chris's form to deactivate, and also fulfills another portion of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], granting [[Naitsirhc]] dark powers as well and giving him the ability to become [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]]. Chris is pulled out of the mirror by Crystal, who sacrifices herself to save him by throwing herself into the mirror in Chris's place.

=== [[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|"Evil is Afoot!"]] ===
After deciding to use the [[Sonichu Balls]] to rescue Crystal from the Dark Mirror, Chris hears a noise downstairs in the mall and comes across Reldnahc Ha-Taque robbing a jewelers. He chases him down, finding out whilst doing so that he was secretly Naitsirhc, transformed by the dark powers he had received, and the two fight in hedgehog form. The fight leads to [[Manchester High School]], which appears NOT to be controlled by Mary Lee Walsh, and the fight ends when Chris is, (you guessed it), defeated and then saved by someone else leaping in from nowhere, this time [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

=== [[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu does not appear again until the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], as after Episode 14, the comic focuses on a non-violent time travel story which did not show Chris-Chan Sonichu at any point. The story then ends with Chris getting lost in the [[Time Void]], and he is absent from subsequent issues. Chris is pulled out of this Time Void at the end of ''Sonichu'' #9, at which point he is already in Chris-Chan Sonichu form for some unknown reason.

=== [[Sonichu Special 1]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu appears in ''Sonichu Special 1'' as part of the brief fight with Cly, the comic alter ego of [[Clyde Cash]], whom he defeats and rescues [[Ivy]] from. This comic's [[Sonichu chronology|placement in cannon]] is unclear, as Chris first met Ivy through [[Chris and religion|literal divine intervention]] whilst he was still stuck in the Time Void, and she had died in the Battle of [[CWCville]] by the time he got out.

=== [[Giant Penis Comic]] ===
Chris-Chan Sonichu also made a two page cameo in the ''Giant Penis Comic'', where Chris transformed into him temporarily for sexual purposes during his honeymoon with Ivy. Ivy in turn used a form known as "[[Ivy#Honeymoon|Princess Ivy]]", though how she had such power is not clear. This comic is also subject to cannon issues mentioned above.

=== [[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]] ===
Following on from ''Sonichu #9'' Chris spends most of the early pages of this issue in Chris-Chan Sonichu form, running around CWCville doing many minor "[[chores]]". Among other things, he destroys the old Tripod building which used to host [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|his site]], killing a bunch of [[Devil Trolls]] who had got inside whilst doing so, met up with and had a date with [[Lovely Weather]], his confirmed future wife, and ended up getting accidentally captured by [[Beel]] and [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. The two of them stole his [[Sonichu Medallion]], but in doing so they discover that the medallion was a decoy all along, and that the true source of his power was his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. He nevertheless still takes the medallion back, which he passes on to his trusted sweetheart [[Blanca]]. He then destroys the building, kills Beel, and moves on to fight Reldnahc in the park, who he defeats and injects with the Gay Vaccine from the FutureTM. This is the last time in the comic that Chris-Chan Sonichu is seen, as for the rest of the issue Chris chooses to commit any further atrocities in either human form or as the super powered [[Colossal Chan]], and the series was put on indefinite hold after the issue was completed.

== Powers ==
Being a God-mode sue for Chris, Chris-Chan Sonichu has shown many powers over the course of the comic, any one of which should theoretically allow him to win any battle, but none of which are ever used except as a finishing move, and sometimes only in conjunction with another person helping. Chris's powers allow him super speed, flight, teleportation at will, use of Pokémon attacks, the ability to summon swords or bombs made of lightning and as human Chris he can also make himself invisible, kill people with his mind, curse people and use any and all powers of the Chaotic Combo, which Chris claims his Chris-Chan Sonichu form is capable of as well.<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref> In the order that they were first mentioned or used in the comic, Chris-Chan Sonichu's powers include, but are not limited to:

#Mega Kick
#Double Team
#Mirror Coat
#Thunderbolt
#Barrier
#[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
#Super speed
#Hyper Beam
#Mach Punch
#[[Wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|Team Blast]]: Blue Fireball Attack (with [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Saramah Rosechu]])
#Flight (as [[Anime Wings|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]])
#Aerial Ace (as [[Anime Wings|Super Chris-Chan Sonichu]])
#Substitute
#Sky Uppercut
#Double Corkscrew Kick (with [[Crystalina Rosechu]])
#Sword of Lightning
#Mega Punch
#[[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] (with [[Crystalina Rosechu]])
#Quick Thunder
#Lightning Bomb
#Chaotic Control
#Reflect Dome

Please note that only the powers Chris-Chan Sonichu is seen using are listed here. Human Chris's powers and [[Hobo-Chan]]'s powers are excluded from the list.

==Trivia==
*Chris-Chan Sonichu, despite his massive arsenal of powers, is defeated in the comic more than any other character, proving that even in his fantasy world, Chris fails miserably.
*After his initial appearance, Super Chris-Chan Sonichu is never seen again, as the [[Anime Wings]] are lost after the fight.
*Chris-Chan Sonichu rips off the design of Sonic the Hedgehog more than any of Chris's other creations.
*Although Chris later claimed that it was his [[High School Ring]], and not his [[Sonichu medallion]] which gave him his Electric Hedgehog power, the ring is not seen on Chris's finger in ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' when Chris first transforms at the Destiny Cave.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_5</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:125-ChrisChan.jpg|The faggot himself
Image:126-YuCChan.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Card.
Image:123-ACCChan.jpg|''[[Animal Crossing]]'' Card.
Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg|Whenever he needs to take the limelight for himself, he's there!
Image:ModNation ChrisChanSonichu.jpg| As he appears in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
Image:Super-mode.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu IRL.
Image:True and Honest Fan Art.jpg|Artist's depiction.
Image:Soldier of Love and Honesty.png|[[Sailor Moon|Soldier]] of [[Sex|love]] and [[HONEST|honesty]].
</gallery></center>

== References ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Anime Wings]]
*[[Collosal Chan]]
*[[Sonichu medallion]]
*[[High School Ring]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

Rocky Shoemaker

2012-11-28T13:17:42Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Interaction with trolls */

{{quote|Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as [[retarded]]|Chris explains how Rocky helps him<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 22]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.|[[Ivy]]'s view<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>}}

[[File:Rockypicture.JPG|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker]]

'''Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker''' is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], who advised [[Chris]] on several matters, going as far back as the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

==Biography==
On 11 September 2008, after [[nudes]] of his were leaked to the internet by a [[Trolls#Lordsillynipples|troll who deceived him]], Chris sent to his Reverend Elizabeth Foss an email in which he told her about his foolish acts and asked her to forgive him. Five days later Elizabeth replied and referred Chris to the church's new pastoral counselor, Rocky Shoemaker,<ref>[[Chris emails 2008#September]]</ref> and so began her role in Chris's life.

In the year of Our Lord [[2009]], she brought about the end of the [[Ivy]] Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy.<ref name="IvyEnd" /> This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - [[Julie]] and [[PandaHalo]] have both incurred her wrath in the past.{{cite}}

The last straw came in the form of [[Joshua Martinez]], aka [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a [[PSP]]. After that, Shoemaker made [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barb]] contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing. <ref name="IvyEnd">[[Ivy Q&A#The_end]]</ref>

In a [[IRC (23 July 2009)|July 2009 IRC Chat]] Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to [[Chris and sex|rape]] Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.


==The ultimate white knight?==
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the [[Love Quest]], it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for [[china]]. Rocky recommended to Chris the children's book ''[[How to Talk to Girls]]''.

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and [[Clyde Cash]], it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his [[Love Quest|lust]], [[Obesity|gluttony]], [[List of Chris's games|avarice]], [[Monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and anger|wrath]], [[Wes Iseli|envy]] and [[Chris and his Ego|pride]]. Clearly she hasn't been able to stop Chris from sending nudes of himself online (the reason why he was referred to her in the first place) as his privates were seen by the internet five different times after Chris started receiving counseling from Rocky.<ref>For the relevant examples see [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], [[April 16 Fetish Vids]], [[CWCFlyingElephants]], [[Cwcsicle]] and [[Cakefarts]].</ref>

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out [[Sydney Contacts|another]] on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with [[Jackie]]).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to uncritically accept whatever she says.

==Interaction with trolls==

[[File:Rocky.png|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days]]

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] in the run-up to his scheduled [[28 October 2011|court appearance]] in [[December 2011]]. During this call it was revealed that [[Bob]] had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that [[14 Branchland Court]] is so badly infested that Chris is forced to stay in [[Chris's Room|his room]] to avoid being bitten himself.

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Chris and sex]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shoemaker, Rocky}}
[[Category:People]]

Bionic the Hedgehog

2012-11-28T13:09:49Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Gallery */

:''For the short story, see [[Bionic the Hedgehog (short story)]].''
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Bion.PNG|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bionic the Hedgehog
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 13 November [[Sonichu chronology#1986|1986]] (in universe)
13 November [[1996]] (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 5'4" (163 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Species'''
| Hedgehog
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]
|}
[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|Astci3 conquered! Remarkable! Now he just needs to conquer cross-eyedness and his colors flowing outside of the lines!]]

{{quote|Bionic the Hedgehog is [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s long-lost brother. He is a professional [[Wikipedia:Basketball|basketball]] star and hand with tools in mechanics. He can score over 100 baskets in a single B-Ball game.|[[:Image:287-ACBionicBck.jpg|Bionic the Hedgehog Animal Crossing card]]}}

'''Bionic the Hedgehog''' (born [[Sonichu chronology#1986|13 November 1986]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref>) was [[Chris]]'s first recolor, predating even his crowning achievement [[Sonichu]]. Brother of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], Bionic loves to play basketball.

Despite his name, Bionic is not a cyborg. According to Chris, Bionic rhymes with Sonic and the "B" is for "basketball".<ref>[[Mailbag 6#Bionic's name|Mailbag 6]]</ref> He made it clear that "Bionic is not a robot" during the [[Asperchu]] saga when Alec's version of Bionic was depicted as an actual cyborg, styled after [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]].

==Character history==
[[Image:EarlyBionic.jpg|thumb|left|100px|An early image of Bionic, c. [[1996]]]]

Chris claims to have created Bionic way back on 13 November [[1996]], when he was standing in the middle of the hallway of his [[high school]] next to the basketball courts, staring into the void like [[Slow-in-the-minds|a retard]]. He claims that he was daydreaming about [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] character [[Wikipedia:Mighty the Armadillo|Mighty the Armadillo]].<ref>[[:Image:0233-CWCNote4.jpg|DVD, note 4]]</ref>

Standing there motionless, daydreaming about Mighty, Chris was — you guessed it — hit in the face with a basketball. This, in Chris's words, "opened the lockers to his mind," and lead to the creation of the recolor we know and tolerate today as the completely original character of Bionic the Hedgehog.

[[Bionic the Hedgehog (short story)|Bionic's backstory]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/bionic1.htm Bionic the Hedgehog. By: Christian W. Chandler]</ref> tells us that he was [[Sonic]]'s brother, and that when they were young, Bionic fell through a portal into a [[Chris and reality|world]] filled with [[niggos|basket ball players]]. Sonic, for his part, forgot all about his dimwitted sibling, and went on to be a real star. Cut to years later, when Bionic showed up to save his brother, and then go on to have other [[Chris and writing#Plot_and_Drama|exciting adventures.]] It's interesting to note that, unlike all of Chris's other characters, Bionic was created within the [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (TV series)|SatAM]]/[[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comic series)|Archie Comic]] universe and not the video game universe.

As this was before Chris started churning out comics, Chris's very first creation Bionic was limited to only ever appearing in the occasional drawing or short story Chris thought up. Among other works, Bionic starred in the "[[Autism]] Conquered" drawing seen above, the rough sketch on the right, and a short [[Bionic the Hedgehog (short story)|self titled story]].

==In ''Sonichu''==
Years after he was initially forgotten about and replaced by another [[Sonichu|equally stupid and unoriginal recolor]], Bionic appeared in his successor's [[Sonichu (comic)|comic series]] at the end of [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], where he arrives just in time to save [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his creator]] from being murdered by his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|homosexual evil twin]] after Chris got beaten up again. Chris eventually regains consciousness after being initially knocked out and Bionic gives him the fourth [[Sonichu Ball]] that Chris was fighting Reldnahc for.

In the following conversation, Chris and Bionic both make some [[Chris and reality|very meta references]] to Bionic's creation and the last time Chris drew him, though Bionic for some reason does not seem to resent being almost completely forgotten about for years on end. The conversation ends with him asking Chris to provide him with a girlfriend, (you know, since he gave Sonichu one and everything), and Chris nonchalantly decides that he's now going out with [[Megan]]'s character [[Megagi La Skunk]].

[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] followed up this thread by showing Bionic and Megagi leaving to go on their second [[Dating|date]], and Chris, [[Sonichu]] and [[Magi-Chan]] then spent the rest of the issue traveling through time to retrieve a Sonichu Ball that had been lost in the past in [[Manchester High School]]. Chris worked his and Bionic's history into this story, recreating the above mentioned basketball incident in comic form, except with the Sonichu Ball filling the role of the basketball, which Chris then took and replaced with an actual basketball to keep the timeline consistent with his memories.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Bionic appeared again with Megagi at the beach during the spring break special, during which time Megagi recounts a story of Bionic flirting with an anthropomorphic cat until she interfered and stopped them. Bionic says nothing and passively agrees with everything, showing that he has since lost his balls.

Bionic made a reappearance in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], describing [[Wikipedia:Fresh Prince of Bel-Air|getting into a fight at a basketball court]] with several comical attempts at "street" slang after he and [[Darkbind]] save Sonichu from the trio of Reldnahc, [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]], who had kidnapped his girlfriend [[Rosechu]].

For some reason, Bionic didn't appear again until much later into [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he made a brief cameo complaining about his depiction in ''[[Asperchu]]''. He made a second cameo later in the issue, being one of the characters to execute [[Alec Benson Leary]] via eight button electric chair, loudly proclaiming "I am not a robot!" as he did. Bionic's unwarranted murder of Alec is to date his last appearance.

Notably, Bionic used to look rather different from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], with smaller head-spines and much larger back-spines, and a tail. This different (but no less stupid) profile shape is likely not so much an act of originality as much as a simple inability to properly copy Sonic's design. Chris being Chris, Bionic's current iteration in ''Sonichu'' looks like the palette-swapped Sonic the Hedgehog he always was at heart.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0233-CWCNote4.jpg|Genesis of Bionic
Image:BionicIRL.png|Bionic played for the Cavaliers in the 96-97 NBA season
Image:Page85.jpg|Is Bionic really...[[Wikipedia:Will Smith|?]]
Image:Page85withthefreshprince.jpg|That's better!
Image:288-YuBionic.jpg|Like everything else Chris ever made, Bionic has a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:ModNation Bionic.jpg|As he appears in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Megagi La Skunk]]
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]
*[[Sonichu]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog (short story)]]
*[[Manchester High School]]

{{Not Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Rainbow

2012-11-28T12:57:45Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Inconsistencies */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quality}}
[[Image:0Rainbow1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Random-access_humor|Skadoosh]]]]
[[Image:Supernumerary_rainbow_03_contrast.jpg‎ |thumb|right|For comparaison and your viewing pleasure, a TRUE and HONEST rainbow.Compare with Chris and see how the colors are messed up.]]
A '''rainbow''' is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines on droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicolored arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch. In Chris's artwork, he consistently switches the positions of blue and green. This is possibly due to some degree of color-blindness, but more likely it's just because Chris is a fucking idiot or too lazy to care.

In the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' canon]] and various other works, rainbows are a recurring theme. For example, a rainbow was responsible for transforming [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] into their present forms. It was later revealed that the same Rainbow also spawned eggs, which eventually matured to become the [[Chaotic Combo]] and [[Silvana]].

In real life, there's a rainbow etched into [[Amnyfest Ring|Chris's high school ring]].

==Chaotic Rainbow==
[[Image:0Rainbow2.jpg|thumb|left|Feels Good Man]]
The rainbow effect was the result of an accidental collision of a male [[Pikachu]] with [[Sonic]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. As Sonic was using the power of the Chaos Emeralds at the time, their energies somehow caused the Pikachu to mutate into a being similar in appearance to Sonic. This energy also arced across the sky, striking a female Raichu some fifteen miles away, and transforming her into a similar hedgehog-like creature.

Independently, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] realized that they had become the genesis of a new [[Pokémon]] species. Eventually, [[Black Sonichu]] was cloned from a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] would bestow three humans the ability to transform into Sonichus and Rosechus at will, but these were only copies of the originals.

However, Sonichu would soon discover other Sonichus and Rosechus created by the Rainbow.

==The Chaotic Combo==
[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|right|TRUE and HONEST Chaos Rainbows ''shit eggs''.]]

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris revealed that the Rainbow had also spit out five eggs, which landed in various locations around the world. From within these eggs emerged larval forms of Sonichu and Rosechu, called [[Sonee and Rosey|"Sonee" and "Rosey"]]. These five eventually evolved into variants of Sonichu and Rosechu, each possessing unique abilities and characteristics in addition to the powers of Sonic and Pikachu.

In addition to the eggs, Chris established that "mysterious beams of light also shone from the rainbow", but declined to elaborate; this might be Chris's way of giving himself an out for adding more Sonichus and Rosechus, like Silvana.

==Inconsistencies==

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Chris established that [[Sonichu]] was sixteen years old, and [[Rosechu]] was fifteen. Presumably, this refers to their age upon the day of their transformation, and so they spent the bulk of their lives as a Pikachu and Raichu. [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] has since established that the couple turned 20 and 19 respectively as of early [[2008]] in accordance with the "Earth Time" of the comics.

The [[Chaotic Combo]] were spawned from the Rainbow as eggs, meaning that they would have been born while Sonichu was 16. And yet, [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] depicts them celebrating their nineteenth birthday a few months after Rosechu's nineteenth birthday. Compounding this, Black Sonichu celebrated his twentieth birthday shortly afterward, making him the same age as Sonichu, despite being cloned when Sonichu was sixteen years old.

Strangely, when [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] questions the notion of celebrating a birthday for a clone, he points out that he was "not properly born of a [[Rosechu]]". The fact is, none of the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon was born naturally, as they were all shat out of a big dumb rainbow.

===Additional retcons===
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|right|Chris [[Sub-Episode 2|while standing on a rainbow background]], declaring that his [[Love Quest]] [[Lie|is finally over]]. No [[Homos|gay]] overtones here.]]
Chris since revised the story of the rainbow ''again'' to reveal that a sixth egg had been launched from the Rainbow, only to somehow wind up on the Earth's moon. There, the newborn Rosey was taken under the wing of [[Count Graduon]], who named her "[[Silvana]]" and trained her in the ways of evil. To better equip her for the cause of sexual villainy, Graduon gave Silvana the power to shape-shift, as well as male genitalia, to better fool horny enemy Rosechus. Like the other egg-born Sonichus and Rosechus, Silvana's age is established to be 19, even though Count Graduon wasn't unleashed until Sonichu was 16 and discovered the Anchuent Prophecy.

To make matters even more confusing, Chris has introduced several other Sonichus and Rosechus throughout the series, including [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta]] Sonichu, [[Lolisa Rosechu]], [[Zapina]] Rosechu, and [[Simonla Rosechu]]. There was no initially explanation provided for when or how these other Sonichus and Rosechus were created throughout their appearances in the comic.

Christian revealed his most current patchwork re-telling of the Rainbow's ''gift'' in his own [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu&oldid=1763 Sonichu] article at the CWCipedia. Chris, not to be outdone by prior work, has pushed his myth ''way past'' the third dimension:
{{quote|From the Rainbow, EGGS were emitted throughout Earth, Space and Time. ALL of The eggs were all time-traveled back to the day of February 2, 1989 into various locations. There were countless eggs in addition to the 5 that would hatch into the Chaotic Combo Electric-Hedgehogs.|[[Christian_Weston_Chandler|Chris]], never too sharp with [[Chris humps his PS3|math]]... so let's just say it's ''more than you can count, mister!''}}

There is a innumerable amount of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon among us. Be afraid.

===TL;DR===
In order to draw [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|porn of his characters]], Chris gave the rainbow time-travelling powers so that his recolors won't be underage.

==Other uses of rainbows==
[[Image:RainbowOverArk.jpg|thumb|right|Chris offers a "rainbow of promise" to his readers, rightfully comparing the travesty of his nude artwork with that of God's brutal punishment of mankind.]]
It should be noted that the various Sonichus and Rosechus represent every color of the rainbow, although this may be a coincidence, as there's so damn many of them that Chris has no choice but to use every possible color to tell them apart.

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] lives on Rainbow Island.

Following [[Trolls|fan]] backlash against the hardcore sex scene depicted in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris removed or censored the pages containing genitalia from the site, and posted a ridiculous apology:

{{quote|**After Serious Consideration and numerous complaints, I HAVE REMOVED the explicit sexual pages from EPISODE 17 of Comic #8,
And as GOD Promised NEVER again to Flood the earth with a Rainbow over Noah's Ark, I cast My Rainbow of Promise to NEVER AGAIN
Draw or Upload any Further Images between Sonichus and Rosechus in EPISODE 18 of [[Sonichu 8|Comic #8]], as well as ALL Future Comics,
that depict explicit sexuality.| Chris, correctly comparing his pornographic artwork to the horrors of global disaster <ref>[http://sonichu-roschu.blogspot.com/2008/09/episode-17-update.html The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog: Episode 17 Update]</ref>}}

The message was accompanied by Edward Hicks's painting [[wikipedia:File:Noahs Ark.jpg|"Noah's Ark"]]. True to his style, Chris opted to use a modified version (though this time, it is clearly not one that he made).

Despite Chris's assurances, he drew a love scene between Black Sonichu and Silvana Rosechu in the second half of the same issue, and later restored all of the deleted artwork in the [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], along with promises of even more hideous furry porn to come.

Chris also offered a "rainbow of promise" in an e-mail to [[Megan]]:

{{quote|I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the burst of anger. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful rainbow as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.|Chris, blowing out his ass<ref>"I now understand" 08 August 2007, 3:46 p.m. [[Chris_E-mails_2007]]</ref>}}

Chris also mentions rainbows in "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]", the third track on his album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''.

<blockquote><poem style="font-style: italic;">I'm lookin' at you all and I see a rainbow, come on
You think I'm different in every way, come on
All of the times that I've earned [[honor roll]]!</poem></blockquote>

This is probably how [[autism]] was explained to him. Either that or he thinks everyone is [[gay]].

A few of his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] are rainbow themed, such as [[:image:SnwsonC.jpg|Snowboarding Sonichu]], [[:image:365-Supreon.jpg|Supreon]] and [[:image:377-TurboRainbow.jpg|Turbo Rainbow]]. His Pokémon [[:File:333-Vegaton.jpg|Vegaton]] is described as being capable of creating rainbows.

==Possible interpretation of Chris's use of rainbows==
[[Image:Pride_flag.jpg|center|top]] 
<center>
[[Homo|'''He's gay!'''
 ]]
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[Chaos Emeralds]]
*[[Homos]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://gay4sonichu.yuku.com/ Gay4Sonichu]
*[http://psmission.webs.com/ Pride Sonichu Mission]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Chris and religion

2012-11-28T09:37:07Z

CWCisSupremeLord: It is very arguable that the Bible forbids masturbation and it clearly has no problem with racial intolerance.

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1 Cor 13:11,<ref>[http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm]</ref> on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris not understanding how professional help works<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>}}
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] [[Bob Chandler|hillbilly]] idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[Julie|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[Lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naive|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was; under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. Also, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.

Being the unparalleled study in [[ego]]tism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Daughter|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

==Chris and Forgiveness==

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[100_2178|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|he goes on to curse and scream at them later on]].

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made a plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The_Game_Place#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism_Tutorial_Part_3|making threats to burn down the store]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris' show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly Tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

Long story short, Chris does not forgive, nor does he forget.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

{{quote|I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares|Chris on using the spirits of the dead}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], failure.

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian churches===
Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons.

[[Angelica]] is a [[Wikipedia:Catholic Church|Roman Catholic]], raised by [[Wikipedia:Nun#Catholic|nuns]]. However, she is still a huge slut without any opposition to premarital sex.

===Judaism===
"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]" reveals that Chris has some awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapprove of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

===Atheism===
[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> It's even harder for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[troll]]s by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common_Questions#09_January_2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]].

In [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a straw man fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg

2012-11-28T09:32:34Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[Category: Scrapbook images]]
Note how he spelled "Magician" as "Magian" and then clumsily added "IC" over the I and A.

John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue

2012-11-28T09:01:06Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* John's Custom Gundam */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|Featuring....[[Chris and English|HEWLY]] ANIMATED SCENES|Back cover}}
[[Image:0730-MeganAndJohn.JPG|thumb|You would play as the guy on the right.]]
'''''John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue''''' is another one of [[Chris]]'s shitty game ideas.

==John Schroeder==
John is Megan's brother whom Chris originally thought was her boyfriend. Not much is known about John, other than that he is [[Obesity|overweight]], shares similar interests with his sister and seemingly has an epicanthic fold, making him appear to be [[Slow in the minds|retarded]]. However, emails seem to imply that John is of regular intelligence. [[Mimms]] said that ''"Megan's brother isnt autistic, but he is kinda dumb."''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> Like Megan, his current whereabouts are unknown.

==John's Custom Gundam==
In an obvious bid for some [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] [[China]], Chris thought he'd ingratiate himself with Megan by casting her brother in one of his crappy games. This one manages to work in elements from his [[Sonichu]] comic series and the mecha [[anime]] franchise ''Mobile Suit Gundam''. Not much is known about the game, like the rest of Chris's ideas, beyond the mock cover. Interestingly, this piece (according to the "copyright" data) was produced sometime in [[2008]], which suggests that it pre-dates the drama over Megan's discovery of [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] but was created long after Megan told Chris that [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|he was creeping her out]] by casting her in his comics.

The most notable aspect of this game is that someone other than Chris or Sonichu is the protagonist. Instead, it's John Schroeder, Megan's brother. The picture states that John is to pilot a custom-built Gundam (made from [[Lego]] or [[Pixelblocks]], perhaps) to rescue Megan from [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her "overgrown army", the [[Jerkops]], [[Dr. Eggman]], and some random units from the original anime series antagonists, the Principality of Zeon (most likely Zaku spam). Of course, you can unlock Chris as a playable character. After all, who would Chris be to deny us the chance to "[[Chris and his Ego|earn the right]]" to play as ''the'' CWC?

The title of the game is odd, as it implies the rescue itself is sister like. Despite this, the back cover states it's ''John'' who's rescuing his ''sister''; nothing indicates that John or his rescue mission would be of a sisterly nature. Or, one could just assume [[Chris and English|these kinds of weird linguistic slip-ups are to be expected]] from an isolated autistic man-child.

The reverse side of the box makes reference to several "features":
*Hi-Res 3D Graphics!
*[[Chris and writing|Hewly]] animated scenes!
*Earn the right to play Chris-chan's Side of The Story!
*Help John Schroeder be a darn good [[Wikipedia:Big Brother (Nineteen Eighty-Four)|Big Brother]]!

It is also set to feature Chris and Megan's voices (an unlikely prospect now, given the events surrounding ShecameforCWC.jpg).

It is more than likely that Chris copied most of this off from the cover to the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo]]'', which is part of his [[List of Chris's games|game collection]]. In fact, Johns "custom" Gundam happens to have a very similar color scheme to the Gundam featured on the cover of that video game.

Although the game's cover indicates that it is rated T for Teen, the back cover states that it does indeed contain HONEST content, albeit not enough to earn it the same rating as ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

The item number on the box is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]], referencing the song by Tommy Tutone and showing once again that Chris can't go for five seconds without [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping something off]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:324-1-JohnsGundamFront.jpg
Image:324-2-JohnsGundamBack.jpg
Image:324-3-JohnsGundamPS2.jpg
Image:324-4-JohnsGundamLable.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Megan]]

==References==
<references/>

{{MeganSaga}}

[[Category:Video games created by Chris]]

John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue

2012-11-28T08:57:52Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* John's Custom Gundam */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|Featuring....[[Chris and English|HEWLY]] ANIMATED SCENES|Back cover}}
[[Image:0730-MeganAndJohn.JPG|thumb|You would play as the guy on the right.]]
'''''John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue''''' is another one of [[Chris]]'s shitty game ideas.

==John Schroeder==
John is Megan's brother whom Chris originally thought was her boyfriend. Not much is known about John, other than that he is [[Obesity|overweight]], shares similar interests with his sister and seemingly has an epicanthic fold, making him appear to be [[Slow in the minds|retarded]]. However, emails seem to imply that John is of regular intelligence. [[Mimms]] said that ''"Megan's brother isnt autistic, but he is kinda dumb."''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> Like Megan, his current whereabouts are unknown.

==John's Custom Gundam==
In an obvious bid for some [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] [[China]], Chris thought he'd ingratiate himself with Megan by casting her brother in one of his crappy games. This one manages to work in elements from his [[Sonichu]] comic series and the mecha [[anime]] franchise ''Mobile Suit Gundam''. Not much is known about the game, like the rest of Chris's ideas, beyond the mock cover. Interestingly, this piece (according to the "copyright" data) was produced sometime in [[2008]], which suggests that it pre-dates the drama over Megan's discovery of [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] but was created long after Megan told Chris that [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|he was creeping her out]] by casting her in his comics.

The most notable aspect of this game is that someone other than Chris or Sonichu is the protagonist. Instead, it's John Schroeder, Megan's brother. The picture states that John is to pilot a custom-built Gundam (made from [[Lego]] or [[Pixelblocks]], perhaps) to rescue Megan from [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her "overgrown army", the [[Jerkops]], [[Dr. Eggman]], and some random units from the original anime series antagonists, the Principality of Zeon (most likely Zaku spam). Of course, you can unlock Chris as a playable character. After all, who would Chris be to deny us the chance to "[[Chris and his Ego|earn the right]]" to play as ''the'' CWC?

The title of the game is odd, as it implies the rescue itself is sister like. Despite this, the back cover states it's ''John'' who's rescuing his ''sister''; nothing indicates that John or his rescue mission would be of a sisterly nature. Or, one could just assume [[Chris and English|these kinds of weird linguistic slip-ups are to be expected]] from an isolated autistic man-child.

The reverse side of the box makes reference to several "features":
*Hi-Res 3D Graphics!
*[[Chris and writing|Hewly]] animated scenes!
*Earn the right to play Chris-chan's Side of The Story!
*Help John Schroeder be a darn good [[Wikipedia:Big Brother (Nineteen Eighty-Four)|Big Brother]]!

It is also set to feature Chris and Megan's voices (an unlikely prospect now, given the events surrounding ShecameforCWC.jpg).

It is more than likely that Chris copied most of this off from the cover to the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo]]'', which is part of his [[List of Chris's games|game collection]], but it's currently unknown at this time.

Although the game's cover indicates that it is rated T for Teen, the back cover states that it does indeed contain HONEST content, albeit not enough to earn it the same rating as ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

The item number on the box is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]], referencing the song by Tommy Tutone and showing once again that Chris can't go for five seconds without [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping something off]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:324-1-JohnsGundamFront.jpg
Image:324-2-JohnsGundamBack.jpg
Image:324-3-JohnsGundamPS2.jpg
Image:324-4-JohnsGundamLable.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Megan]]

==References==
<references/>

{{MeganSaga}}

[[Category:Video games created by Chris]]

John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue

2012-11-28T08:55:42Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* John's Custom Gundam */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|Featuring....[[Chris and English|HEWLY]] ANIMATED SCENES|Back cover}}
[[Image:0730-MeganAndJohn.JPG|thumb|You would play as the guy on the right.]]
'''''John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue''''' is another one of [[Chris]]'s shitty game ideas.

==John Schroeder==
John is Megan's brother whom Chris originally thought was her boyfriend. Not much is known about John, other than that he is [[Obesity|overweight]], shares similar interests with his sister and seemingly has an epicanthic fold, making him appear to be [[Slow in the minds|retarded]]. However, emails seem to imply that John is of regular intelligence. [[Mimms]] said that ''"Megan's brother isnt autistic, but he is kinda dumb."''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> Like Megan, his current whereabouts are unknown.

==John's Custom Gundam==
In an obvious bid for some [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] [[China]], Chris thought he'd ingratiate himself with Megan by casting her brother in one of his crappy games. This one manages to work in elements from his [[Sonichu]] comic series and the mecha [[anime]] franchise ''Mobile Suit Gundam''. Not much is known about the game, like the rest of Chris's ideas, beyond the mock cover. Interestingly, this piece (according to the "copyright" data) was produced sometime in [[2008]], which suggests that it pre-dates the drama over Megan's discovery of [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] but was created long after Megan told Chris that [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|he was creeping her out]] by casting her in his comics.

The most notable aspect of this game is that someone other than Chris or Sonichu is the protagonist. Instead, it's John Schroeder, Megan's brother. The picture states that John is to pilot a custom-built Gundam (made from [[Lego]] or [[Pixelblocks]], perhaps) to rescue Megan from [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her "overgrown army", the [[Jerkops]], [[Dr. Eggman]], and some random units from the original anime series antagonists, the Principality of Zeon (most likely Zaku spam). Of course, you can unlock Chris as a playable character. After all, who would Chris be to deny us the chance to "[[Chris and his Ego|earn the right]]" to play as ''the'' CWC?

The title of the game is odd, as it implies the rescue itself is sister like. Despite this, the back cover states it's ''John'' who's rescuing his ''sister''; nothing indicates that John or his rescue mission would be of a sisterly nature. Or, one could just assume [[Chris and English|these kinds of weird linguistic slip-ups are to be expected]] from an isolated autistic man-child.

The reverse side of the box makes reference to several "features":
*Hi-Res 3D Graphics!
*HEWLY animated scenes!
*Earn the right to play Chris-chan's Side of The Story! (because Chris refuses to create a game where he isn't featured)
*Help John Schroeder be a darn good [[Wikipedia:Big Brother (Nineteen Eighty-Four)|Big Brother]]!

It is also set to feature Chris and Megan's voices (an unlikely prospect now, given the events surrounding ShecameforCWC.jpg).

It is more than likely that Chris copied most of this off from the cover to the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo]]'', which is part of his [[List of Chris's games|game collection]], but it's currently unknown at this time.

Although the game's cover indicates that it is rated T for Teen, the back cover states that it does indeed contain HONEST content, albeit not enough to earn it the same rating as ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

The item number on the box is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]], referencing the song by Tommy Tutone and showing once again that Chris can't go for five seconds without [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping something off]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:324-1-JohnsGundamFront.jpg
Image:324-2-JohnsGundamBack.jpg
Image:324-3-JohnsGundamPS2.jpg
Image:324-4-JohnsGundamLable.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Megan]]

==References==
<references/>

{{MeganSaga}}

[[Category:Video games created by Chris]]

John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue

2012-11-28T08:50:16Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* John's Custom Gundam */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|Featuring....[[Chris and English|HEWLY]] ANIMATED SCENES|Back cover}}
[[Image:0730-MeganAndJohn.JPG|thumb|You would play as the guy on the right.]]
'''''John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue''''' is another one of [[Chris]]'s shitty game ideas.

==John Schroeder==
John is Megan's brother whom Chris originally thought was her boyfriend. Not much is known about John, other than that he is [[Obesity|overweight]], shares similar interests with his sister and seemingly has an epicanthic fold, making him appear to be [[Slow in the minds|retarded]]. However, emails seem to imply that John is of regular intelligence. [[Mimms]] said that ''"Megan's brother isnt autistic, but he is kinda dumb."''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> Like Megan, his current whereabouts are unknown.

==John's Custom Gundam==
In an obvious bid for some [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] [[China]], Chris thought he'd ingratiate himself with Megan by casting her brother in one of his crappy games. This one manages to work in elements from his [[Sonichu]] comic series and the mecha [[anime]] franchise ''Mobile Suit Gundam''. Not much is known about the game, like the rest of Chris's ideas, beyond the mock cover. Interestingly, this piece (according to the "copyright" data) was produced sometime in [[2008]], which suggests that it pre-dates the drama over Megan's discovery of [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] but was created long after Megan told Chris that [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|he was creeping her out]] by casting her in his comics.

The most notable aspect of this game is that someone other than Chris or Sonichu is the protagonist. Instead, it's John Schroeder, Megan's brother. The picture states that John is to pilot a custom-built Gundam (made from [[Lego]] or [[Pixelblocks]], perhaps) to rescue Megan from [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her "overgrown army", the [[Jerkops]], [[Dr. Eggman]], and some random units from the original anime series antagonists, the Principality of Zeon (most likely Zaku spam).

The title of the game is odd, as it implies the rescue itself is sister like. Despite this, the back cover states it's ''John'' who's rescuing his ''sister''; nothing indicates that John or his rescue mission would be of a sisterly nature. Or, one could just assume [[Chris and English|these kinds of weird linguistic slip-ups are to be expected]] from an isolated autistic man-child.

The reverse side of the box makes reference to several "features":
*Hi-Res 3D Graphics!
*HEWLY animated scenes!
*[[Chris and his Ego|Earn the right]] to play Chris-chan's Side of The Story! (because Chris refuses to create a game where he isn't featured)
*Help John Schroeder be a darn good [[Wikipedia:Big Brother (Nineteen Eighty-Four)|Big Brother]]!

It is also set to feature Chris and Megan's voices (an unlikely prospect now, given the events surrounding ShecameforCWC.jpg).

It is more than likely that Chris copied most of this off from the cover to the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo]]'', which is part of his [[List of Chris's games|game collection]], but it's currently unknown at this time.

Although the game's cover indicates that it is rated T for Teen, the back cover states that it does indeed contain HONEST content, albeit not enough to earn it the same rating as ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

The item number on the box is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]], referencing the song by Tommy Tutone and showing once again that Chris can't go for five seconds without [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping something off]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:324-1-JohnsGundamFront.jpg
Image:324-2-JohnsGundamBack.jpg
Image:324-3-JohnsGundamPS2.jpg
Image:324-4-JohnsGundamLable.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Megan]]

==References==
<references/>

{{MeganSaga}}

[[Category:Video games created by Chris]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2012-11-28T08:14:17Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* "We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism */

{{quote|You're all just immature, naive, condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his thirties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even to the time of this writing, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, [[28 October 2011|he will soon appear in front of a judge.]]

Most recently, in the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===

Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat." He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people--during his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile," adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Encyclopedia Dramatica

2012-11-28T08:11:46Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{Timelinetop
|size = 100px
|start = 2008
|end = Ongoing}}
{{protip|Stop trying to put mentions of ed.se on this page. Only use it to replace broken ed.com links.}}
{{Quote|I will see to that website's demise, or my name isn't Christian Weston Chandler.|[[Christopher Weston Chandler]]<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008]]</ref>}}
'''Encyclopedia Dramatica''' (aka '''ED''') is home to the Chris-chan page that introduced Chris to the world at large and made him a popular target for [[trolling]].

On April 14, [[2011]], ED actually shut down. It was replaced by a much less offensive site called "Oh Internet". Almost needless to say, the internet would have none of that and ED came back online under new management that very night.
==Chris on ED==

Chris has denounced the ED page in several of his videos, claiming it is filled with "VICIOUS [[lies|LIES]] AND SLANDER."

After a considerable amount of trolling and bitching and uploading hideous pornographic images, including the disastrous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], Chris posted this gem on the ED talk page:

{{quotebox|I AM ADDING THE [[Rule 34|POSITIVITY]] THIS HELL-HOLE OF A WEBSITE NEEDS; you just do not appreciate the POSITIVITY I AM ADDING TO THE PAGE. What I am doing is a STAND against OFFENSIVE, UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED [[Pickle|Additions]] to ANY Female Image. What I am doing is a STAND for EVERY SINGLE WOMAN Everywhere, because NO WOMAN would EVER want such a Horrific Twist of Fate. What I am doing is a STAND against the VERY THING that is NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!!!!!

So, Draw Breasts, [[china|Vaginas]], Uterus, Ovaries and the God-Given Eggs within them, you [[Duck|Two-Inch Short]] [[Pickle|Dick-HEADS!!!!!!!!]]

Sincerely, Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the [[Women's Rights]], For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.

P.S. [[Chris and hypocrisy|Grow a BACKBONE and GO ASK WOMEN OUT AS WELL, YOU TROLLS!]]}}

Chris then returned, admitting defeat after his tard rage:

{{quotebox|Months ago, I have found from this page being the first of a number hate against me, Christian Weston Chandler. *[[sigh]]* Among the number of you all, my name has been dragged through the mud, my e-mail and MySpace have been hacked for the e-mail information and random information that have been twisted into mockery of [[obesity|my person]], [[Chris and sex|my integrity]], [[List of Chris's lies|my honesty]], [[Ryan Cash|my compassion]], [[heart level|my heart]], [[Chris and religion|my soul]], [[autism|my being]]. Not only that, but the names of my two best gal-pals, [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Anna McLerran]], and my Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], have also been dragged through the mud of mockery along with mine. Not only were [[heart level|my feelings were hurt greatly]], but also those of [[Megan]] and [[Anna]], and a number of my acquaintances within my small social circle were shocked and terrified that such [[trolls|cruelty]], such [[pickle|mockery]], such [[homos|hatred]] was built from the number of those who have added more and more to this disgrace of a description of my [[autism|being]].

For a while, I was angry and enraged, and I shoved information and drawings regretfully drawn beyond my personal boundries down the throat of the webmasters of the page, in attempt to kill the hype and hatred against me. But No More, I give up on trying to edit the page to be more positive, or to delete the page altogether.

But I have ONE Question, that I put unto you all, the individuals who have taken part in creating this web page, and I would appreciate an Open, Detailed and Honest Answer from each of you in simple e-mails or reply on this discussion page.

[[Frequently Asked Questions|Why do you hate me so much?]]

What did I do against you to cause the hatred against me? What physical or emotional harm have I ensued unto you? Why do you hate me for being myself in this world full of people who can't help but be themselves? I've had nothing against any of you. I don't even know any of you personally, as far as I know. I have nothing that any of you have already, so Why?

I leave you with that to ponder and ponder again over.

Sincerely;

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

After the late summer of [[2008]], Chris largely gave up on direct involvement with ED. Around the spring of [[2009]], he may have posted one or two comments on the ED talk page referring to [[Clyde Cash]], however. The first is below. It was deleted fairly quickly.

{{quotebox|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the [[heart level|crestfallen emotions]], but I am moving on with my life.

Also, you'll have to catch me IRL ONLY to [[troll]] me any further. [[fangs|Do you dare?]]

Peace-Out, Christian Weston Chandler

--ChrisChanSonichu 22:54, 14 May 2009 (UTC)}}

There was some dispute over it actually being Chris until he himself confirmed it in the post that followed:

{{quotebox|Hey, [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE]], you JERK. I said "IN REAL LIFE", not [[PS3|Playstation]]. Also, why don't you be the man you CLAIM to be and face me yourself? You keep sending out your prawns to do your dirty work, you coward. >:-(

Christian C.}}

According to Clyde, the above entry was deleted after roughly a minute, probably due to Chris realizing that if he were to ever arrange to meet Clyde, he'd only send his parents anyway.

==ED on Chris, his article, and his article's talk page==

[[Image:Drycow.PNG|thumb|Uploaded 12 December 2008, before the new comic, [[Miyamoto]] saga, and [[BlueSpike]] saga]]

For several months prior to the events of the [[BlueSpike]] saga in early 2009, many thought that Chris had dried up, that Chris could go no further. Furthermore, the [[Blanca Weiss#FCTC|FCTC]]'s posting of new pics of Chris's bent [[duck]] in December 2008 prompted an ED admin to lock the talk page and demand satisfaction:

{{quote|MINE: What this talkpage is. If you guys continue your faggotry after this protection expires today I will lock it down longer, and then eventually permanently.|Arguecat3, now former ED sysop, 4 December 2008}}

{{quote|I say we just delete it. Along with the archives|Zaiger, now former ED sysop, 5 December 2008}}

{{quote|Fuck this article and it's talk page. Stupid discussions unrelated to upkeep and editing are the only thing keeping this shit interesting. You guys take this shit WAY to srsly. Find another retard to stalk fgts|Zaiger, now former ED sysop, 10 December 2008}}

==1 April 2009==

[[Image:ED April Fools' 2009.PNG|left|thumb|Screenshot of ED's front page.]]
[[Image:Chris-chan ED April Fools' 2009.PNG|thumb|Screenshot of the article.]]

On April Fools' Day 2009, the Chris-chan article was taken down and replaced with a message.

{{quote|This afternoon, we at Encyclopædia Dramatica have independently decided to remove the Chris-chan article about Christian W. Chandler from our site. We have also removed all references that slander, vilify, demean, or are found to be overly offensive. In plain terms, this ordeal has gone on far too long and gotten far out of hand. We have unfairly focused on him to the point of intruding in his private life and causing him great personal grief, which no person should ever have to endure. This behavior is not in line with our site goals, and we never wanted something like this. Still, we must take complete responsibility for all our actions, both public and private. And that is why we are speaking to you today. But we say to you now that at no time did we ask anyone to lie, hide, or destroy evidence, or to take any other unlawful action.

We know that his public comments and his silence about this matter gave a false impression. We misled people, including even his family. We deeply regret that. We can only tell you we were motivated by many factors. First, by a desire to protect himself from the embarrassment of his own conduct.

He was also very concerned about protecting his family. The investigation moved on to his family and friends, then into his private life. And now the investigation itself is under investigation.

This has gone on too long, cost too much, and hurt too many innocent people.

Regardless of any public pressure to reinstate the article, it must be stressed that our intrusion on Chris' private life will cease, and we intend to reclaim his family life for his family. Even internet celebrities have private lives. It is time to stop the pursuit of personal destruction and the prying into private lives and get on with our national life. Our website has been distracted by this matter for too long, and we take responsibility for our part in all of this. That is all we can do.

Now it is time -- in fact, it is past time to move on. We have important work to do -- real opportunities to seize, real problems to solve, real matters to face.

And so tonight, we ask you to turn away from the spectacle of the past two years, as we return our attention to all the challenges and all the promise of the next century.

Thank you. And good night.|ED, <s>in a rare case of moralfaggotry</s> joking.}}

Not surprisingly, the page was put back up on 2 April.

==Chris's use of Encyclopedia Dramatica==

''See also [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]''

Chris tried to use ED to muster his personal army to go after [[Joshua Martinez]]. Obviously, nobody did what he asked. <ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&oldid=1997409947</s></ref> He also tried to create a page on ED for his "CCWC's Fanart of Horrors" (see: [[troll]] art), but a sysop immediately caught it and redirected it to an anti-Semitic template.

==Chris and ED==

{{quote|I do think it is a little behind [[CWCki|cwcwiki]] [sic] on a few things, though, but that is to be expected.|[[Jason Kendrick Howell]] on the ED article today<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Chris-chan/JKH_Interview</ref>}}

For a while, the ED page was crammed with misinformation (such as Chris attempting to molest [[Patti]], or the idea that Ivy was really [[Kimmi|the blowup doll]]), but was cleaned out various times.

Trolls and general observers of Chris have since turned to [[CWCki]] to get a general picture of Chris that is less biased than ED (emphasis on "less"), and [[TV Tropes]] once described CWCki as being "''more accurate and slightly more SFW''" than ED.

As for Chris himself, the ED page STILL bothered him. An [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|entire page]] of Chris's website, established in December 2009 and updated afterward, is dedicated to "correcting" the evil ED article with his own True and Honest take on the situation. Naturally, it's all about how Chris isn't remotely responsible for anything he has done wrong, and how it's all the fault of his [[autism]] or those DANG DIRTY TROLLS.

==Oh Internet==
On 14 April 2011, ED was redirected to [http://ohinternet.com/ Oh Internet], a more safe-for-work wiki in an attempt to achieve the site revenue required to stay online. Needless to say, summaries of [http://ohinternet.com/Chris-chan Chris] and [http://ohinternet.com/Sonichu Sonichu] are available here.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==

*[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]
*[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
*[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]
*[[4-cent garbage]]
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Christian's sex joke]]
*[[User:Lime/Sonichu TV Tropes Article|TVTropes]] - The original article, before it was locked and edited.

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6m7hk01609e4e7k Google Cache of Chris's ED article]
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Chris-chan Archive of Chris's page on the "new" "new" ED, and the TRUE and HONEST "Chris-chan" article]
*<s>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Reldnahc Chris's ED account]</s>
*[http://ohinternet.com/Chris-chan Oh Internet article (SFW!)]
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Speech impediment

2012-11-28T07:59:21Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[Image:Wesson.png]]

[[Chris]] has an unusual manner of speaking, due to the combination of his strong [[Ruckersville, VA|regional dialect]] and what appear to be genuine impairments.

==History==
Counter-intuitively, Chris's speech impediment appears to have worsened over time. He spoke relatively clearly and normally in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|earlier]] videos, while his stuttering and other difficulties have increased significantly since then.

Likely causes include troll-induced [[stress]] and a lack of conversational company not already accustomed to Chris's speaking tendencies.

Chris's problems in verbal communication potentially stem from either the extended period of "muteness" he went through during his childhood (supposedly as a consequence of his treatment by the [[abusive babysitter]]) or his [[autism]], a disorder which often results in speech difficulties. Chris's written communication generally tends to be significantly more coherent and grammatically correct than how he speaks. While writing, he has more time and freedom to determine what he says.

==Non-Symptoms==
Slang such as "Y'all," and "'em," and contracting the "g" of words ending in "-ing" is typical in dialects of the southeastern United States, Chris's native region.

Chris sometimes mispronounces names (such as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]) due to his ignorance of their proper pronunciation rather than impairments in speaking ability.

==Symptoms==
Chris's diction is naturally staggered, interspersed with pauses, deep breaths, "um," "uh," and "hm." The pauses and deep breaths, used in speech therapy, suggest that Chris has had his speech impediment professionally treated at some point. Chris's protracted style of speaking seems to make it easier for him to lose his thought, stray off topic, or forget to include certain segments of his thoughts. However, in the [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] he has made, his speech is surprisingly fluent, with no "ums" or "uhs" This fluency is probably because he is being timed to do it, so there's little time to stop.

Chris also has a strong tendency to stutter. Although not the type of "machine-gun" stutter largely associated with the problem, Chris constantly has to repeat whole phrases, and he stumbles over certain phrases as he finds the correct words to best convey his ideas. This also could be because Chris finds the need to correct himself, and finds repetition to be the optimal way to deal with this. Ofte- usually this resu- this resu- thi- th- this ends up in Chris having to rei- repe- this ends up in Chris having to shuffle through many synonyms just to express a brief statement.

During the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s dad, Chris claimed to pause before speaking in order to "spellcheck" what he is saying. This implies that Chris needs to consciously plan what he is going to say or else he is unable to say it; this suggests that Chris's difficulty with speech stems from poor contact between the speech centers of his brain and his cerebellum, a common characteristic of [[autism]]. Ironically, Chris clearly [[Chris and Writing|doesn't spellcheck his ''written'' work.]]

Like small children, Chris has a tendency to speak too quickly, run words into one another, and slur words. For example, Chris's pronunciation of "[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Ensykapeia Dramakka paysh]]".

Chris sometimes mixes up the pieces of multiple word phrases, resulting in [[wikipedia:spoonerism|statements]] like [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|"harvey-dirdban"]] "rell-wested." <ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>

Chris has difficulty pronouncing the letter "X" (/ks/ or /gz/), as well as related consonantal digraphs (/sk/, /st/), pronouncing it either as an "/s/" sound (elision) or as a "/t͡s/" sound (fronting). In addition, he pronounces the voiced "th" sound (/ð/) as "d", even when it's not deliberate (as in "da" standing in for "the"). This indicates trouble with consonants, known as [[wikipedia:Speech-Language_Pathology_in_School_Settings#Articulation_disorders|articulation disorders]].

However, given the above, it is most likely he has [[wikipedia:cluttering|tachyphemia]]. This explains most of his speech and grammar usage.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Gratitude for a good person in N.C.

2012-11-28T07:37:57Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Transcript */

'''Gratitude for a good person in N.C.''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 23 [[August 2011]] in which he thanks an anonymous fan from North Carolina for sending him a laptop, as Chris's [[Computer|dinosaur of a desktop computer]] is [[Kitchen|covered in a mass of Hungry Man boxes and Christmas decorations]]. Despite the title, Chris still finds it necessary to point out how his upgrade has made the laptop [[Chris and his ego|"better."]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Gratitude for a good person in N.C.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eih4mhp1TQM}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}} {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.3 Shirt
| previous = [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]
| next = [[Victory Rockout]]
}}

{{quote|HE/SHE WILL be getting a hand-written Thank You Letter.}}

== Transcript ==

And now at this moment, I would like to express a note of gratitude from a fan from the state of N.C. for sending me his or her old lap-top computer.

''[flips camera around to show a dark blue HP laptop]''

Secondhand, but it works very well. I had it checked, and it contains no viruses but still, ''[displays the [[claw of fail|claw]] and cocks eyebrow]'' I upgraded it, and it is bettah! It is like brand new! So, thank you very much, fan from North Carolina for sending me ''[turns to the laptop]'' the laptop!

And if anyone else wishes to contribute towards the [[Sonichu 10|execution]] of trolls and cyberbullies so that nobody else will have to be victim, you may feel free to-you may feel free to contribute in any way that you see fit.

Generously, and pleasantly, Thank you very much.
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]|nextlink=[[Victory Rockout]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-23 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Gratitude for a good person in N.C.

2012-11-28T07:37:11Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Transcript */

'''Gratitude for a good person in N.C.''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 23 [[August 2011]] in which he thanks an anonymous fan from North Carolina for sending him a laptop, as Chris's [[Computer|dinosaur of a desktop computer]] is [[Kitchen|covered in a mass of Hungry Man boxes and Christmas decorations]]. Despite the title, Chris still finds it necessary to point out how his upgrade has made the laptop [[Chris and his ego|"better."]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Gratitude for a good person in N.C.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eih4mhp1TQM}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}} {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.3 Shirt
| previous = [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]
| next = [[Victory Rockout]]
}}

{{quote|HE/SHE WILL be getting a hand-written Thank You Letter.}}

== Transcript ==

And now at this moment, I would like to express a note of gratitude from a fan from the state of N.C. for sending me his or her old lap-top computer.

''[flips camera around to show a dark blue HP laptop]''

Secondhand, but it works very well. I had it checked, and it contains no viruses but still, ''[displays the [[claw of fail|claw]] and cocks eyebrow]'' I upgraded it, AND IT IS BETTAH! It is like brand new! So, thank you very much, fan from North Carolina for sending me ''[turns to the laptop]'' the laptop!

And if anyone else wishes to contribute towards the [[Sonichu 10|execution]] of trolls and cyberbullies so that nobody else will have to be victim, you may feel free to-you may feel free to contribute in any way that you see fit.

Generously, and pleasantly, Thank you very much.
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]|nextlink=[[Victory Rockout]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-23 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David

2012-11-28T07:35:08Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

'''Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 23 [[August 2011]], and part of the [[Calling Out]] series. Chris, still high on victory, turns his attention to [[BlueSpike]], believing him to be the cause of the prank phone calls of people shouting out "JULAAAAAAAAAAY!" and calling him [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]. His reasoning for going after BlueSpike also seemed to be more towards his condition of [[Asperger's]] and the fact that he has no job, likes big rooms and is a gamer, despite the fact that BlueSpike would only be about 15-16 by the time of the video and unable to get a proper job, unlike a certain 30-year-old we know.

It, too, was removed from YouTube shortly after being posted due to "hate speech".
{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David
| video = {{#ev:youtube|uEMFYldLCUM}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.3 Shirt
| previous = [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| next = [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]
}}

{{quote|In your apology video tell everyone to stop making phonecalls to me that say JUUULLAAAAY! JUUULLLAAAYYY!}}
== Transcript ==

[[File:Toht.jpg|thumb|Chris looked at the ark.]]

''[Chris puts his hand to his mouth and clears his throat.]'' [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JUUULAYYYYYY!]] JUUUULAAYY! IT'S [[Ian|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]! ''[He waves his hands while saying this]'' JUUULLLAY! Hello Ian! Why is your last name Brandon Anderson? JUUUUULLAYYY! *pfffffttt* ''[blows raspberry while flipping the bird]'' And that's who we are calling out next. The, uh, person who posed-pretended to be an adult woman but yet was a little, uh, little brat. Al... -he was also known as his alias Max, and BlueSpike, but his real name is... ''[hits pad of paper offscreen]'' David!

And he lives in... ''[hits pad again]'' California! Don't know that much about his age, but he's at least thirteen years old. And guess what... he is confirmed to have... ''[dramatic lean forward]'' [[Aspergers syndrome|assburgers]]! And I don't care much for Aspergians, and I do not care to be associated with, erm, an-... and I do not accept the ''[makes quote-marks hand gesture]'' scientific fact that [[autism]] is linked to assburgers at any time. I would quote myself as to what I said in the esstra part of [[Autism Tutorial Extra|my Little Big Planet 2 animation]], but I don't remember the words at this point.

''[picks up camera and turns around, with it facing the back of the room]''

Except that it definitely sounds like a bad cut of cow meat. And of course he was responsible for dat Julie fiasco and making me drive all the way to Cleveland, Ohioooo! And cutting up, one of the, cutting up the second medal, and ''[murmurs, sounding a bit like Popeye] [[Julie Reveals Herself|shoving it up my ass.]]'' And... he likes ''[dramatic gesture]'' big rooms! [[Chris and hypocrisy|And he has no job]]! And he is also a gamer. Here is a close up, featured from his photograph!

''[Chris turns the camera around to face the TV]''

''[high pitched]'' Look at his buck [[Fangs|teeth]]! ''normal again'' Or at least the gap between his teeth. That's a biiiig gap! Look at how big that gap is! Huh? Gap! Teeth! Buck teeth? Perhaps. But definitely a gap.

''[Chris turns the camera back towards himself while spinning around]''

And, Mr. David, you have until [[September 2011|September]] fifteenth to come up with the apology video, and leave me and my family and my friends at peace, oh, and also in your apology video tell everyone to stop making phonecalls to me that say ''[the [[Claw of Fail]]]'' JUUULLAAAAY! JUUULLLAAAYYY! And get rid... make sure that no-one ever calls me Ian Brandon Anderson ever again, because, ''[fast]'' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1c2OfAzDTI&ob=av3e thatisnotmyname]! ''[long pause]'' You have until September fifteenth. JUUUULLLLAAAY- ''[cuts out]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]|nextlink=[[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]}}
{{Calling Out}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-23 b]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Love Quest

2012-11-28T03:36:35Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{quote|I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...|Chris, in a [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|sudden moment of clarity]]<ref>[[White_knight_E-mails#September_2008_.E2.80.9]]</ref>.}}

{{quote|... except for the fact that I am Handsome|Well, so much for that.}}

[[Image:Chris-Chan Warrior of Love.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]
[[File:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris must fight [[autism]] in order to enter the Valley of [[China]].]]
[[Image:Christever Alone.png|thumb|Accurate depiction of Chris.]]

The '''Love Quest''' or '''Sweetheart Search'''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Lori Lopez]]</ref><ref>[[Miyamoto emails]]</ref> is the ongoing, real-life [[saga]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] to obtain a girlfriend. The stated purpose of the Love Quest is to meet the woman who will be his true love, solve all his problems and bear his children. However, Chris believes all of this will be assured upon his first successful [[Chris and sex|sexual intercourse]] with a woman, and so for all practical purposes the true goal is to lose his virginity.

Chris is known to have had crushes on girls prior to [[2002]], but the Love Quest represents a focused effort to do everything in his power to achieve romantic fulfillment, except improve himself. He has often linked the Love Quest with what he claims to be visions from [[GodJesus]] commanding him to father [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|a daughter]], as well as his desire to prove that he is straight; at times these seem to be the only actual reasons Chris wants a lover.

To this day, the Love Quest is ongoing, with Chris (unsurprisingly) not having made any progress whatsoever in finding a romantic partner. He has [[Facebook|claimed]] to have enjoyed partial success to the extent of losing his virginity. However, as with other [[Honor roll|achievements Chris claims to possess]], it is still the subject of debate.
==Origins==
===Background===
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|right|Spell cards don't work IRL, Chris.]]
The catalyst for the Love Quest was Christian's encounter with [[Sarah Hammer]] during his move back to [[Ruckersville]], and enrollment at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. This occurred somewhere between [[2000#June|June 2000]] and [[2003#October|October 2003]].

Sarah is presumably the first woman to tell the ever-[[naïve]] Christian, "[[So Need a Cute Girl|I have a boyfriend]]." Chris unexpectedly learned that his childhood [[gal-pal]] was romantically involved with [[Wes Iseli]].<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref> Upon making this discovery, he quickly developed an intense jealousy of Iseli and resentment towards him that would set his state of mind for the impending Quest.

Throughout [[2003]], Chris passively expressed his mix of longing and disappointment by way of "[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]" and "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]". It is clear that Chris had at some point decided Sarah was supposed to be his soulmate (although perhaps not until he learned she was unavailable) and had difficulty accepting that this would not be a possibility. In [[2005]], following Sarah's breakup with Iseli and hookup with [[William Spicer]], he dealt with the situation more openly and publicly in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. (This acceptance perhaps stemmed from his turn to a new object of infatuation - see the [[Megan]] section below.)

===Epiphany===
According to Chris, the genesis of the Love Quest was his twenty-first birthday, 24 February [[2003]].<ref>Chris misspoke the year as [[2002]] in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|this video]], but he has elsewhere consistently referenced his 21st birthday, which was in 2003.</ref> On this date, he was kicked out of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] English class after a dispute with his teacher. (In his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Start_of_my_Sweetheart_Search|Wikipedia biography]], Chris claimed the teacher ejected him simply on account of his [[autism]], when asked about it again later by a "girlfriend", he does add that it may have had something to do with some remarks he made about fellow classmates and non-white people<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5]], starting at 7:45 PM</ref>). While waiting for his next class, Chris sat and cried his eyes out, realizing there was no one to comfort him like when he cried at his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Shortly thereafter, he resolved that he needed a girlfriend.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

Presumably the connection between these events is that Chris felt hurt and ostracized by his punishment, leading him to recognize his need for someone who would appreciate him unconditionally. However, Chris further states that the Love Quest ''officially'' began in [[2003#August|August 2003]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>, suggesting that he waited six months to actually execute his plans out of sheer laziness.

===Salad days===
At some point early on in the Quest, Chris developed an intense, socially crippling [[Noviophobia|fear]] that all women have boyfriends. Since his [[autism]] causes him to approach social tasks in the bluntest manner possible, it can be assumed that his initial approach was to walk up to women cold, and frankly ask if they would go out with him. It may be further inferred that Chris's unrelenting persistence made it extremely difficult for a woman he liked to get rid of him, short of claiming to have a boyfriend. In any case, Chris quickly lost nearly all of his confidence in talking to women and developed an irrational hatred of boyfriends, or "[[JERKS]]" (i.e., all men everywhere except himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]]). Since this time, he has always specified that his potential girlfriend must be a [[boyfriend-free girl]] (sometimes "single, boyfriend-free girl"), as if this were not already obvious.

==Conflict with Mary Lee Walsh==
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|Miscellaneous items used during the Love Quest, or as the Commonwealth of Virginia will eventually call it, Exhibit A.]]
[[Image:134-cwcsonstecrdgirlbck.jpg|thumb|Back of a ''Sonichu'' business card.]]
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

By [[October 2003]], Chris had put into practice what was "the only sensible idea I could come up with that was inexpensive": sitting on the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] campus holding a sign that read "I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion." This would be the first of many versions of the [[Attraction Sign]], a vital tool in the Love Quest for several years to come.

Sometime during October, the school's Dean of Student Services, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], confronted Chris and confiscated his sign. According to Chris's recollection of the event:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." [[Heart level|MY HEART WAS SHATTERED]] that very moment.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 May 2009}}

What is far more likely to have occurred is this: Walsh probably decided Chris was making a nuisance of himself and asked him what he thought he was doing; Chris probably delivered a big confusing monologue (possibly with a song and dance) about seeking true love; and Walsh then likely dismissed the substance of Chris's response with "You can't do that here." Walsh's point of contention was undoubtedly just the sign, but over the years Chris has demonized her into a brutal harpy whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him.

Undaunted, Chris simply made a new sign, and a few weeks later Walsh confronted him again. In late [[January 2004]], Chris revised his strategy, leaving copies of the ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' newsletter strewn about campus, each one containing a single "personals ad" about himself. By [[February 2004|February]], Walsh had cracked down on Chris again, banning distribution of the ''News Dash!''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], [[February 2004|February 9, 2004]]</ref> In Chris's own words:

{{quote|Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an [[anger]] management course and see a [[Chris and psychology|psychiatrist]] for a while.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 [[May 2009]]}}

The extent of the "attack" Chris made against Walsh, whether it was physical or just a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], is unknown, although it would have had to have been something pretty serious to get him suspended from PVCC ''and'' forced to undergo counseling. The timing of the incident is also unclear, since Chris has cited 16 [[September 2004]] as the date of his suspension.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 16, 2004</ref>

==Conflicts with Jerkops==
By [[August 2004]], Chris had expanded his quest to other [[Attraction Location]]s besides PVCC, such as [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. It was here that he attempted a new tactic, inspired by ''[[Excel Saga]]'': laying a [[Red String of Fate]] across the mall floor. This inevitably led to a confrontation with mall security, making this Chris's first recorded encounter with the [[Jerkops]].<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], August 2004</ref>

By [[September 2004|September]], Chris had somehow learned that loitering in public places with a sign advertising his services as a boyfriend made it look like he was "trying to sell [him]self like a new car," but he still managed to miss the point and believe this was something he could work to his advantage. He continued to have confrontations with mall security until 11 September 2004, when he was arrested, handcuffed, and forbidden from entering the mall without one of his parents. With both of his Attraction Locations denied to him, Chris became more lonely and depressed than usual. In his diary he expressed an interest in asking "Santa Clause" for a girlfriend. According to e-mails leaked by [[Jackie]], Chris was completely serious and believed in Santa until he was ''24''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 2004</ref>

==Anna McLerran==
[[Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|thumb|''Too bad she's a lesbian.'']]
{{main|The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer}}
At some point in 2004 Chris had expanded his activities in the mall, including:

* Pacing around a lot, playing videos on his Game Boy Advance SP.
* Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then".

He was apparently infamous to [[Anna McLerran]] and her friends by the time he finally worked up the nerve to enter the store where Anna worked to strike up a conversation with her. Anna handled herself as politely as she could while having zero interest in this idiot's pathetic romantic overtures, and apparently convinced him that she was off the market.

Despite becoming one of Chris's closest friends, Anna would later document the 2004 incident in a [[2006]] blog post, confirming that, despite whatever good qualities she sees in Chris, deep down she knows he's a few hedgehogs short of a [[Chaotic Combo]].

==Hanna==
On 29 [[March 2005]] Chris (who had somehow regained full access to the mall) momentarily believed his prayers had been answered when he was approached by [[Hanna]], a girl who worked at the local [[Wikipedia:Starbucks|Starbucks]]. She invited Chris to have coffee with her. Chris quickly overreacted to this sudden reversal of fortune, calling his mother and showing Hanna his entire [[Sonichu Scrapbook|''Sonichu'' scrapbook]].

[[Anna McLerran]] later informed Chris that Hanna was simply trolling him for the [[lulz]]. In shock, Chris confronted Hanna and, when she admitted the truth, ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!", exactly like they do in movies. The entire incident was a crippling blow to Chris's self-esteem and the kind of thing that would be embarrassing for anyone. He also apparently made enough of a scene to get himself [[banned]] from the mall again. Subsequently, Chris dramatized the whole story in [[Sub-Episode 2|the comic]], where he was able to get the last word in exactly the way he could not in real life.

==Conflicts with [[Manajerks]]==
Around [[June 2005]], with the mall becoming a more difficult place to pick up chicks, Chris turned to his local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], where he would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his sign and various nerd amusements, and wait around for hours. On 20 June 2005 Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his sign and called the police on him. Chris hid the sign, effectively avoiding criminal charges, but he was banned from the McDonald's. He interpreted this to mean he was not banned from the Wal-Mart, however.

On 22 June Chris again came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures, and the conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. According to Chris, the Wal-Mart manager attempted to reason with him...

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [''sic''] to any Man other than myself, because [[JERKS|they]] all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with [[Son-Chu|my car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

In [[July 2005|July]], Chris relocated to the newly-opened [[Charlottesville]] [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], where he quickly found himself in trouble for loitering once again. Chris refused to leave at first. When store employees returned with [[Jerkops|police officers]] (including [[Bagget]]), Chris offered to leave if they would listen to a prepared speech. According to Chris's account of the incident, five officers then jumped on him and [[Wikipedia:hogtie|hogtied]] him without provocation; in reality, it's more likely that they saw he would not surrender and tried to arrest him peacefully, and he resisted to the point that they had to completely subdue him out of fear of his 'tard rage.

In the dramatization of these events in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], the jerkops need nothing short of a giant robot to capture Chris, and [[Sister|his twin sister]] rescues him so that they can destroy the jerkops' entire operation, which of course is commanded by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] from [[PVCC]].

Chris has said that he was eventually cleared of all criminal charges related to the dispute at [[Target]]. It was apparently at this point that [[Barb|his mother]], in a dazzling display of parental guidance, informed him about two years too late that the [[Attraction Sign]] made him look [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]].

==Megan Schroeder==
[[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|thumb|''Boyfriend-free no more!'']]
[[File:Rap.PNG|thumb|You gonna get raped.]]
Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] in the summer of [[2005]] and was immediately attracted by such qualities as [[China|her gender]], [[Boyfriend-free girl|her lack of a boyfriend]] and her willingness to talk to him for more than five minutes (although she compliments him for tolerating ''her''). In Chris's mind Megan was already destined to be his sweetheart, and the only thing left to do was convince Megan to accept this truth. The Love Quest was effectively on hold from this time until [[March 2008]]. All of Chris's writings during this time demonstrate that he believed he was already in a monogamous relationship with Megan and further Sweetheart Searching was largely unnecessary.

Aside from Megan's complete disinterest in romance with Chris, the relationship suffered other stumbling blocks, such as Megan's discomfort at Chris showering her with gifts; Megan's outrage over Chris's sexual harassment, hatred of men, and rampant homophobia; Megan's unwillingness to share a [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|hypothetical hotel room]] with Chris; and Megan's discovery that Chris had to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|draw himself fingerbanging her]] to suppress his fantasies of assaulting and raping her. Even though she reacted as any normal human being would in the same situation, he was still shocked that she "broke up" with him and thought that all he had to do was say "I'm sorry" as much as possible.

Encyclopedia Dramatica did not ruin Chris's relationship with Megan, but Chris's obsession with defeating ED definitely did, since his attempt to blow ED's mind by posting his [[Rule 34]] drawings caused her to discover what a deranged individual he truly is and break off all contact with him. Chris totally missed the point about the fingerbanging picture, believing that its continued presence on ED was the issue, and not the fact that he drew it in the first place. This contributed to his drive to shut the site down for much of 2008, until people on the [[Internet]] figured out the simplest way to troll him...
{{clear}}

==Internet Love Quest==
[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's image from [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Café]] profile.]]

After becoming an infamous lolcow thanks to his edit war with ED, Chris began to receive unexpected attention from attractive single women who loved his comics and totally weren't just looking to troll him. Since then, Chris has taken his Love Quest onto the Internet, proclaiming that his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart is whichever girl he's managed to pin down. Chris, or someone impersonating Chris, has at one point attempted appealing to [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080804202349AA80xDL Yahoo! Answers] on how a [[Chris|"lonesome fella"]] can attract a boyfriend-free girl, going as far as mentioning his previous [[Attraction Sign|tactics]] and even asking his answerer to be his sweetheart.

With each sweetheart he meets online Chris follows a predictable pattern, demonstrating what he had always intended to do with any woman he met in real life. He begins with a series of proclamations of his TRUE and HONEST love, and then begins planning out how the woman will travel to his home. Chris professes to believe in the rule that sex is out of the question until the [[third date]], but since he expects every romantic encounter to end in total success he makes it clear - in as gentlemanly a fashion as he can manage - that he expects sex at the woman's earliest convenience. Amazingly, as each successive Internet gal pal proves to be a [[troll]], Chris becomes more devoted to the next one, to the point that within a month of meeting Ivy online he began planning his marriage to a woman he had never even seen face-to-face.

When addressing the question of why Chris readily takes each new troll at face value, his own mindset must be taken into consideration. Chris's prospects of finding a girl locally are virtually zero, and he knows this. At the same time, the Internet seems (from his point of view) to be an endless cavalcade of single, attractive women who are fascinated with him, making it an irresistible resource in his Love Quest. By now Chris is fully aware that each woman he meets online ''could'' be a troll, but each time he readily accepts evidence that she is not and dismisses out of hand any suggestion that she is. He does this because he ''wants'' to believe she's real; the alternative is to surrender to despair.

==Returning to real life==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|''The [[Internet]] is so yesterday, Love Quest is always in.'']]
In Chris's final chat with [[Sarah May]] from early March 2009, he claimed that he planned to give up looking for a [[sweetheart]] online, and return to searching for a girl in local [[Charlottesville]]. [[Trolls]] everywhere rejoiced, for this could only mean one thing - a return to the fabled [[Attraction Sign]] and the days of his exploits against the [[Jerkops]] and his other IRL misadventures.

This effort only lasted so long, however. Chris's first attempt at a real-life date, with [[Emily]], ended in tragedy (for him) after the intervention of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. During the brief [[Rollin' and Trollin']] era in the early summer of 2009, Chris was allegedly spotted prowling Charlottesville Fashion Square in his ''[[Guitar Hero]]: Metallica'' tattoo sleeves, but it wasn't long before he gave up and retreated back to the Internet.

In late [[October 2009]], after a long hiatus, the [[sweetheart]] cycle began again, with the advent of the incredibly disturbing [[I Love You Kacey]]. Chris initially found success in his campaign to pry Kacey away from her current boyfriend, [[Liquid Chris]], even managing to meet her in person on multiple occasions. Later, though, the relationship collapsed under the weight of Chris's bizarre and disturbing behavior.

The opening months of [[2010]] saw Chris land himself in romantic misadventures both in reality and online. He managed to pry himself out of his room for a while and in the process meet a real person, [[The Wallflower]]. Like Megan, however, she rebuffed all his attempts at a more-than-friendly relationship, and eventually cut off all contact with him. Meanwhile, one of his [[The Hook Cafe|online personal ads]] led to an [[Jackie e-mails|extended conversation]] with another potential sweetheart, but Chris tripped over his duck long before he ever got a chance to meet "Jackie" in real life.

Chris maintains a profile on OKCupid, but does not seem to have visited in several months. His OKCupid profile is about what you would expect in terms of portraying himself and demanding what he expects from the girl in the relationship.

==Beyond the 'Net==
Chris's stated ambition to [[100 2189|leave the Internet forever]] suggests that he may return to looking for love in the real world. His visit to the Charlottesville [[Fridays After Five]] event in June 2010 featured a drastically shortened version of the old Attraction Sign scrawled across the front of his [[muscle bra|sports bra]].

Whether he'll stick with this approach remains to be seen, however. He has never been able to stay away from the Internet for long, and it's hard to imagine that his current strategy for pulling girls in real life will work out very well for him.

Despite this, Chris believed he had found another way to attract females, this time via the [[Flipnote Hatena]], which is (despite being accessed on a DSi) still on the internet. Between 17 June and 2 July 2010, Chris ignored Flipnote Hatena's "family friendly" policies and attempted to use it like a dating site. A lot of Chris's tags towards the female members were flirtatious to a point, and he even [[For Women ONLY|made a Flipnote]] calling out to every woman he had tagged or tagged him. However, despite the trolls swarming in to attack, non-troll responses were made by girls he tagged, [[pedofork|most of whom were in their tweens to early teens]].

==Fuck Side Quest Completed==

On 12 April 2012, the following status message from Chris's [[Facebook]] was leaked:

[[File:Virginbreaker.png]]

However, there is some evidence in this post that somebody (if not Chris) hired a prostitute for him. Given the short time it took for them to meet and do the nasty (in ''her'' room, no less), her comparing him to her last partner and [[Lie|telling him what he wants to hear]] about his [[Duck|dick]], and the extremely telling fact that Chris does not consider her a sweetheart (saying his 'sweetheart-to-be' will find out about this), it seems rather plausible.

Considering Chris' [[Lie|track record for telling the truth, however...]]

==Promotional Images==
During his Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Needless to say, it had the opposite effect.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0773-CWC23.JPG|You'll never guess what I just swallowed.
Image:0775-CWCCDPose.JPG|[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Way past cool!]]
Image:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|Shredding some hot licks on my [[Guitar|gitar]]!!
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|10/10 Would bang.
Image:0778-CWCPin.JPG|Staring at the [[Sailor Moon poster]] while tanning.
Image:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|Baby got back!
Image:0780-CWCrelax.JPG|Are you craving my delicious inner thighs?
Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|I've been waiting for you...
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Attraction images]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Hard Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Story of My Current Days]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Love quest]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Love Quest

2012-11-28T03:36:17Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{quote|I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC...|Chris, in a [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|sudden moment of clarity]]<ref>[[White_knight_E-mails#September_2008_.E2.80.9]]</ref>.}}

{{quote|... except for the fact that I am Handsome|Well so much for that.}}

[[Image:Chris-Chan Warrior of Love.jpg|thumb|How Chris views himself.]]
[[File:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris must fight [[autism]] in order to enter the Valley of [[China]].]]
[[Image:Christever Alone.png|thumb|Accurate depiction of Chris.]]

The '''Love Quest''' or '''Sweetheart Search'''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Lori Lopez]]</ref><ref>[[Miyamoto emails]]</ref> is the ongoing, real-life [[saga]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] to obtain a girlfriend. The stated purpose of the Love Quest is to meet the woman who will be his true love, solve all his problems and bear his children. However, Chris believes all of this will be assured upon his first successful [[Chris and sex|sexual intercourse]] with a woman, and so for all practical purposes the true goal is to lose his virginity.

Chris is known to have had crushes on girls prior to [[2002]], but the Love Quest represents a focused effort to do everything in his power to achieve romantic fulfillment, except improve himself. He has often linked the Love Quest with what he claims to be visions from [[GodJesus]] commanding him to father [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|a daughter]], as well as his desire to prove that he is straight; at times these seem to be the only actual reasons Chris wants a lover.

To this day, the Love Quest is ongoing, with Chris (unsurprisingly) not having made any progress whatsoever in finding a romantic partner. He has [[Facebook|claimed]] to have enjoyed partial success to the extent of losing his virginity. However, as with other [[Honor roll|achievements Chris claims to possess]], it is still the subject of debate.
==Origins==
===Background===
[[Image:104-GirlfriendAttract.jpg|thumb|right|Spell cards don't work IRL, Chris.]]
The catalyst for the Love Quest was Christian's encounter with [[Sarah Hammer]] during his move back to [[Ruckersville]], and enrollment at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. This occurred somewhere between [[2000#June|June 2000]] and [[2003#October|October 2003]].

Sarah is presumably the first woman to tell the ever-[[naïve]] Christian, "[[So Need a Cute Girl|I have a boyfriend]]." Chris unexpectedly learned that his childhood [[gal-pal]] was romantically involved with [[Wes Iseli]].<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref> Upon making this discovery, he quickly developed an intense jealousy of Iseli and resentment towards him that would set his state of mind for the impending Quest.

Throughout [[2003]], Chris passively expressed his mix of longing and disappointment by way of "[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]" and "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]". It is clear that Chris had at some point decided Sarah was supposed to be his soulmate (although perhaps not until he learned she was unavailable) and had difficulty accepting that this would not be a possibility. In [[2005]], following Sarah's breakup with Iseli and hookup with [[William Spicer]], he dealt with the situation more openly and publicly in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. (This acceptance perhaps stemmed from his turn to a new object of infatuation - see the [[Megan]] section below.)

===Epiphany===
According to Chris, the genesis of the Love Quest was his twenty-first birthday, 24 February [[2003]].<ref>Chris misspoke the year as [[2002]] in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|this video]], but he has elsewhere consistently referenced his 21st birthday, which was in 2003.</ref> On this date, he was kicked out of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] English class after a dispute with his teacher. (In his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Start_of_my_Sweetheart_Search|Wikipedia biography]], Chris claimed the teacher ejected him simply on account of his [[autism]], when asked about it again later by a "girlfriend", he does add that it may have had something to do with some remarks he made about fellow classmates and non-white people<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5]], starting at 7:45 PM</ref>). While waiting for his next class, Chris sat and cried his eyes out, realizing there was no one to comfort him like when he cried at his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Shortly thereafter, he resolved that he needed a girlfriend.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

Presumably the connection between these events is that Chris felt hurt and ostracized by his punishment, leading him to recognize his need for someone who would appreciate him unconditionally. However, Chris further states that the Love Quest ''officially'' began in [[2003#August|August 2003]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>, suggesting that he waited six months to actually execute his plans out of sheer laziness.

===Salad days===
At some point early on in the Quest, Chris developed an intense, socially crippling [[Noviophobia|fear]] that all women have boyfriends. Since his [[autism]] causes him to approach social tasks in the bluntest manner possible, it can be assumed that his initial approach was to walk up to women cold, and frankly ask if they would go out with him. It may be further inferred that Chris's unrelenting persistence made it extremely difficult for a woman he liked to get rid of him, short of claiming to have a boyfriend. In any case, Chris quickly lost nearly all of his confidence in talking to women and developed an irrational hatred of boyfriends, or "[[JERKS]]" (i.e., all men everywhere except himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]]). Since this time, he has always specified that his potential girlfriend must be a [[boyfriend-free girl]] (sometimes "single, boyfriend-free girl"), as if this were not already obvious.

==Conflict with Mary Lee Walsh==
[[Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|thumb|Miscellaneous items used during the Love Quest, or as the Commonwealth of Virginia will eventually call it, Exhibit A.]]
[[Image:134-cwcsonstecrdgirlbck.jpg|thumb|Back of a ''Sonichu'' business card.]]
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

By [[October 2003]], Chris had put into practice what was "the only sensible idea I could come up with that was inexpensive": sitting on the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] campus holding a sign that read "I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion." This would be the first of many versions of the [[Attraction Sign]], a vital tool in the Love Quest for several years to come.

Sometime during October, the school's Dean of Student Services, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], confronted Chris and confiscated his sign. According to Chris's recollection of the event:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." [[Heart level|MY HEART WAS SHATTERED]] that very moment.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 May 2009}}

What is far more likely to have occurred is this: Walsh probably decided Chris was making a nuisance of himself and asked him what he thought he was doing; Chris probably delivered a big confusing monologue (possibly with a song and dance) about seeking true love; and Walsh then likely dismissed the substance of Chris's response with "You can't do that here." Walsh's point of contention was undoubtedly just the sign, but over the years Chris has demonized her into a brutal harpy whose sole mission in life is to cockblock him.

Undaunted, Chris simply made a new sign, and a few weeks later Walsh confronted him again. In late [[January 2004]], Chris revised his strategy, leaving copies of the ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' newsletter strewn about campus, each one containing a single "personals ad" about himself. By [[February 2004|February]], Walsh had cracked down on Chris again, banning distribution of the ''News Dash!''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], [[February 2004|February 9, 2004]]</ref> In Chris's own words:

{{quote|Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an [[anger]] management course and see a [[Chris and psychology|psychiatrist]] for a while.|CWC's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Wikipedia biography]], 3 [[May 2009]]}}

The extent of the "attack" Chris made against Walsh, whether it was physical or just a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], is unknown, although it would have had to have been something pretty serious to get him suspended from PVCC ''and'' forced to undergo counseling. The timing of the incident is also unclear, since Chris has cited 16 [[September 2004]] as the date of his suspension.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 16, 2004</ref>

==Conflicts with Jerkops==
By [[August 2004]], Chris had expanded his quest to other [[Attraction Location]]s besides PVCC, such as [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. It was here that he attempted a new tactic, inspired by ''[[Excel Saga]]'': laying a [[Red String of Fate]] across the mall floor. This inevitably led to a confrontation with mall security, making this Chris's first recorded encounter with the [[Jerkops]].<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], August 2004</ref>

By [[September 2004|September]], Chris had somehow learned that loitering in public places with a sign advertising his services as a boyfriend made it look like he was "trying to sell [him]self like a new car," but he still managed to miss the point and believe this was something he could work to his advantage. He continued to have confrontations with mall security until 11 September 2004, when he was arrested, handcuffed, and forbidden from entering the mall without one of his parents. With both of his Attraction Locations denied to him, Chris became more lonely and depressed than usual. In his diary he expressed an interest in asking "Santa Clause" for a girlfriend. According to e-mails leaked by [[Jackie]], Chris was completely serious and believed in Santa until he was ''24''.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]], September 2004</ref>

==Anna McLerran==
[[Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|thumb|''Too bad she's a lesbian.'']]
{{main|The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer}}
At some point in 2004 Chris had expanded his activities in the mall, including:

* Pacing around a lot, playing videos on his Game Boy Advance SP.
* Shouting at walls, or "singing random songs from memory now and then".

He was apparently infamous to [[Anna McLerran]] and her friends by the time he finally worked up the nerve to enter the store where Anna worked to strike up a conversation with her. Anna handled herself as politely as she could while having zero interest in this idiot's pathetic romantic overtures, and apparently convinced him that she was off the market.

Despite becoming one of Chris's closest friends, Anna would later document the 2004 incident in a [[2006]] blog post, confirming that, despite whatever good qualities she sees in Chris, deep down she knows he's a few hedgehogs short of a [[Chaotic Combo]].

==Hanna==
On 29 [[March 2005]] Chris (who had somehow regained full access to the mall) momentarily believed his prayers had been answered when he was approached by [[Hanna]], a girl who worked at the local [[Wikipedia:Starbucks|Starbucks]]. She invited Chris to have coffee with her. Chris quickly overreacted to this sudden reversal of fortune, calling his mother and showing Hanna his entire [[Sonichu Scrapbook|''Sonichu'' scrapbook]].

[[Anna McLerran]] later informed Chris that Hanna was simply trolling him for the [[lulz]]. In shock, Chris confronted Hanna and, when she admitted the truth, ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!", exactly like they do in movies. The entire incident was a crippling blow to Chris's self-esteem and the kind of thing that would be embarrassing for anyone. He also apparently made enough of a scene to get himself [[banned]] from the mall again. Subsequently, Chris dramatized the whole story in [[Sub-Episode 2|the comic]], where he was able to get the last word in exactly the way he could not in real life.

==Conflicts with [[Manajerks]]==
Around [[June 2005]], with the mall becoming a more difficult place to pick up chicks, Chris turned to his local [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], where he would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his sign and various nerd amusements, and wait around for hours. On 20 June 2005 Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his sign and called the police on him. Chris hid the sign, effectively avoiding criminal charges, but he was banned from the McDonald's. He interpreted this to mean he was not banned from the Wal-Mart, however.

On 22 June Chris again came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures, and the conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. According to Chris, the Wal-Mart manager attempted to reason with him...

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek [''sic''] to any Man other than myself, because [[JERKS|they]] all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with [[Son-Chu|my car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

In [[July 2005|July]], Chris relocated to the newly-opened [[Charlottesville]] [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], where he quickly found himself in trouble for loitering once again. Chris refused to leave at first. When store employees returned with [[Jerkops|police officers]] (including [[Bagget]]), Chris offered to leave if they would listen to a prepared speech. According to Chris's account of the incident, five officers then jumped on him and [[Wikipedia:hogtie|hogtied]] him without provocation; in reality, it's more likely that they saw he would not surrender and tried to arrest him peacefully, and he resisted to the point that they had to completely subdue him out of fear of his 'tard rage.

In the dramatization of these events in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], the jerkops need nothing short of a giant robot to capture Chris, and [[Sister|his twin sister]] rescues him so that they can destroy the jerkops' entire operation, which of course is commanded by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] from [[PVCC]].

Chris has said that he was eventually cleared of all criminal charges related to the dispute at [[Target]]. It was apparently at this point that [[Barb|his mother]], in a dazzling display of parental guidance, informed him about two years too late that the [[Attraction Sign]] made him look [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]].

==Megan Schroeder==
[[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|thumb|''Boyfriend-free no more!'']]
[[File:Rap.PNG|thumb|You gonna get raped.]]
Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] in the summer of [[2005]] and was immediately attracted by such qualities as [[China|her gender]], [[Boyfriend-free girl|her lack of a boyfriend]] and her willingness to talk to him for more than five minutes (although she compliments him for tolerating ''her''). In Chris's mind Megan was already destined to be his sweetheart, and the only thing left to do was convince Megan to accept this truth. The Love Quest was effectively on hold from this time until [[March 2008]]. All of Chris's writings during this time demonstrate that he believed he was already in a monogamous relationship with Megan and further Sweetheart Searching was largely unnecessary.

Aside from Megan's complete disinterest in romance with Chris, the relationship suffered other stumbling blocks, such as Megan's discomfort at Chris showering her with gifts; Megan's outrage over Chris's sexual harassment, hatred of men, and rampant homophobia; Megan's unwillingness to share a [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|hypothetical hotel room]] with Chris; and Megan's discovery that Chris had to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|draw himself fingerbanging her]] to suppress his fantasies of assaulting and raping her. Even though she reacted as any normal human being would in the same situation, he was still shocked that she "broke up" with him and thought that all he had to do was say "I'm sorry" as much as possible.

Encyclopedia Dramatica did not ruin Chris's relationship with Megan, but Chris's obsession with defeating ED definitely did, since his attempt to blow ED's mind by posting his [[Rule 34]] drawings caused her to discover what a deranged individual he truly is and break off all contact with him. Chris totally missed the point about the fingerbanging picture, believing that its continued presence on ED was the issue, and not the fact that he drew it in the first place. This contributed to his drive to shut the site down for much of 2008, until people on the [[Internet]] figured out the simplest way to troll him...
{{clear}}

==Internet Love Quest==
[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Chris's image from [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Café]] profile.]]

After becoming an infamous lolcow thanks to his edit war with ED, Chris began to receive unexpected attention from attractive single women who loved his comics and totally weren't just looking to troll him. Since then, Chris has taken his Love Quest onto the Internet, proclaiming that his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart is whichever girl he's managed to pin down. Chris, or someone impersonating Chris, has at one point attempted appealing to [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080804202349AA80xDL Yahoo! Answers] on how a [[Chris|"lonesome fella"]] can attract a boyfriend-free girl, going as far as mentioning his previous [[Attraction Sign|tactics]] and even asking his answerer to be his sweetheart.

With each sweetheart he meets online Chris follows a predictable pattern, demonstrating what he had always intended to do with any woman he met in real life. He begins with a series of proclamations of his TRUE and HONEST love, and then begins planning out how the woman will travel to his home. Chris professes to believe in the rule that sex is out of the question until the [[third date]], but since he expects every romantic encounter to end in total success he makes it clear - in as gentlemanly a fashion as he can manage - that he expects sex at the woman's earliest convenience. Amazingly, as each successive Internet gal pal proves to be a [[troll]], Chris becomes more devoted to the next one, to the point that within a month of meeting Ivy online he began planning his marriage to a woman he had never even seen face-to-face.

When addressing the question of why Chris readily takes each new troll at face value, his own mindset must be taken into consideration. Chris's prospects of finding a girl locally are virtually zero, and he knows this. At the same time, the Internet seems (from his point of view) to be an endless cavalcade of single, attractive women who are fascinated with him, making it an irresistible resource in his Love Quest. By now Chris is fully aware that each woman he meets online ''could'' be a troll, but each time he readily accepts evidence that she is not and dismisses out of hand any suggestion that she is. He does this because he ''wants'' to believe she's real; the alternative is to surrender to despair.

==Returning to real life==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|''The [[Internet]] is so yesterday, Love Quest is always in.'']]
In Chris's final chat with [[Sarah May]] from early March 2009, he claimed that he planned to give up looking for a [[sweetheart]] online, and return to searching for a girl in local [[Charlottesville]]. [[Trolls]] everywhere rejoiced, for this could only mean one thing - a return to the fabled [[Attraction Sign]] and the days of his exploits against the [[Jerkops]] and his other IRL misadventures.

This effort only lasted so long, however. Chris's first attempt at a real-life date, with [[Emily]], ended in tragedy (for him) after the intervention of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. During the brief [[Rollin' and Trollin']] era in the early summer of 2009, Chris was allegedly spotted prowling Charlottesville Fashion Square in his ''[[Guitar Hero]]: Metallica'' tattoo sleeves, but it wasn't long before he gave up and retreated back to the Internet.

In late [[October 2009]], after a long hiatus, the [[sweetheart]] cycle began again, with the advent of the incredibly disturbing [[I Love You Kacey]]. Chris initially found success in his campaign to pry Kacey away from her current boyfriend, [[Liquid Chris]], even managing to meet her in person on multiple occasions. Later, though, the relationship collapsed under the weight of Chris's bizarre and disturbing behavior.

The opening months of [[2010]] saw Chris land himself in romantic misadventures both in reality and online. He managed to pry himself out of his room for a while and in the process meet a real person, [[The Wallflower]]. Like Megan, however, she rebuffed all his attempts at a more-than-friendly relationship, and eventually cut off all contact with him. Meanwhile, one of his [[The Hook Cafe|online personal ads]] led to an [[Jackie e-mails|extended conversation]] with another potential sweetheart, but Chris tripped over his duck long before he ever got a chance to meet "Jackie" in real life.

Chris maintains a profile on OKCupid, but does not seem to have visited in several months. His OKCupid profile is about what you would expect in terms of portraying himself and demanding what he expects from the girl in the relationship.

==Beyond the 'Net==
Chris's stated ambition to [[100 2189|leave the Internet forever]] suggests that he may return to looking for love in the real world. His visit to the Charlottesville [[Fridays After Five]] event in June 2010 featured a drastically shortened version of the old Attraction Sign scrawled across the front of his [[muscle bra|sports bra]].

Whether he'll stick with this approach remains to be seen, however. He has never been able to stay away from the Internet for long, and it's hard to imagine that his current strategy for pulling girls in real life will work out very well for him.

Despite this, Chris believed he had found another way to attract females, this time via the [[Flipnote Hatena]], which is (despite being accessed on a DSi) still on the internet. Between 17 June and 2 July 2010, Chris ignored Flipnote Hatena's "family friendly" policies and attempted to use it like a dating site. A lot of Chris's tags towards the female members were flirtatious to a point, and he even [[For Women ONLY|made a Flipnote]] calling out to every woman he had tagged or tagged him. However, despite the trolls swarming in to attack, non-troll responses were made by girls he tagged, [[pedofork|most of whom were in their tweens to early teens]].

==Fuck Side Quest Completed==

On 12 April 2012, the following status message from Chris's [[Facebook]] was leaked:

[[File:Virginbreaker.png]]

However, there is some evidence in this post that somebody (if not Chris) hired a prostitute for him. Given the short time it took for them to meet and do the nasty (in ''her'' room, no less), her comparing him to her last partner and [[Lie|telling him what he wants to hear]] about his [[Duck|dick]], and the extremely telling fact that Chris does not consider her a sweetheart (saying his 'sweetheart-to-be' will find out about this), it seems rather plausible.

Considering Chris' [[Lie|track record for telling the truth, however...]]

==Promotional Images==
During his Love Quest, Chris produced some "sexy" pictures to attract the ladies. Needless to say, it had the opposite effect.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0773-CWC23.JPG|You'll never guess what I just swallowed.
Image:0775-CWCCDPose.JPG|[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Way past cool!]]
Image:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|Shredding some hot licks on my [[Guitar|gitar]]!!
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|10/10 Would bang.
Image:0778-CWCPin.JPG|Staring at the [[Sailor Moon poster]] while tanning.
Image:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|Baby got back!
Image:0780-CWCrelax.JPG|Are you craving my delicious inner thighs?
Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|I've been waiting for you...
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Attraction images]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Hard Love Quest]]
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Story of My Current Days]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Love quest]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Semen

2012-11-28T02:35:27Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Comeuppance */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCcomeuppancemedallion.JPG|thumb|right|250px|The closest [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] will ever get to touching the [[Medallion|Medallion of Fail]].]]

'''Semen''' is the fluid secreted by the gonads of males to impregnate females. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] has many misconceptions about its purpose.

Despite being "[[honest]]" about [[sex]], Chris is sometimes uncomfortable saying "semen" and occasionally uses his own unique bowdlerized terms, such as "'''comeuppance'''" or "'''navy'''."

==Comeuppance==

In the context of sex (especially oral) with his [[TRUE and HONEST]] [[sweetheart]], Chris refers to ejaculation as "comeuppance," as seen here:

{{quote|Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a [[virgin]], I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I '''feel my comeuppance''' and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop.|Chris, "My First Time"<ref name="Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted">[[Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]]}}

Chris presumably coined the term because a) ejaculate is called "cum (or 'come')", b) it goes "up" when it comes out of his bent [[duck]], and c) he's an [[autism|idiot]]. However, this created a shitstorm when his sex tapes dropped, because [[Wikipedia:Webster's Dictionary|Webster's]] defines comeuppance as "a deserved rebuke or penalty."<ref>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/comeuppance</ref> While Chris most likely heard this word and thought it would make a clever euphemism for "cum", the true meaning and its context seems to suggest an eerie [[Wikipedia:Freudian slip|Freudian slip]].

===A tasty treat===
[[File:GotMilk.jpg|thumb|200px|No caption is necessary.]]
Chris believes that whatever he eats changes the flavor of semen, which may have some basis in fact.<ref>http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste---10-Simple-Tips-For-Better-Tasting-Semen&id=164106</ref> However, what makes this ridiculous is that Chris thinks his semen will taste ''exactly'' like whatever he eats. He has indicated that he would strive for flavored comeuppance so his sweetheart/cum dumpster would savor the taste. In the sex tape audio, Chris presented the following scenario to [[PandaHalo]]:

{{quote|I would have eaten so much chocolate, that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that.|Chris<ref name="Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted"/>}}

In subsequent chats with [[Julie]], this fantasy was revised so that his comeuppance would taste like [[Wikipedia:strawberry|strawberries]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Coincidentally, sweets and other unhealthy foods are known to make semen taste even worse than usual. Chocolate is one of the worst offenders.

==Recycling==

{{quote|Mmm! Goes down salty.|Chris}}

Another tidbit revealed in the sex tapes was that when Chris [[mass debate|masturbates]] he makes sure to ejaculate into a [[Fapcup|plastic cup]], to avoid making a mess.<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke]]</ref> Shortly after this news broke, talk began to grow that Chris actually drinks from this cup.

The initial assumption, given Chris's hard stance on [[homos]], was that Chris was a devout, fundamentalist Christian and therefore had a rigid interpretation of the Biblical story of [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]]<ref>http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2205/what-exactly-was-the-sin-of-onan</ref> (This was before we found out Chris wouldn't know anything about the Bible unless he heard it on ''[[Family Guy]]''). Eventually the real reason was discovered: Chris believes that by ingesting his own sperm he can "recycle" it, so that none of his potential children are lost, and so that his "semen count" (presumably he meant "sperm count") remains high, as though everyone is born with a finite number of sperm that they can eventually run out of if they don't swallow more.

For a time there was no concrete evidence to support this outrageous claim, so Chris wisely decided to confirm it as fact. Multiple times.

[21:08] [11:36:35 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: have you ever tasted your own semen
[21:08] [11:37:42 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: KEEP IT SECRET, but I actually have; I recycle my semen
until I get together with my Sweetheart (you) for the first time.
[21:08] [11:38:10 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: ohhhh.. so that's why you do it in a cup
[21:08] [11:38:38 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: yes; after recycle, I rinse the cup and dispose of it.
[21:10] [11:40:03 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: where did you come up with the idea of swallowing
your own semen to recycle it after you cummed? Was it on a sex site or your own idea?
[21:10] [11:40:13 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: MY OWN IDEA.
[21:12] [11:41:23 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: IMHO, it's often unsatisfying to me upon swallowing,
because it's not being truly enjoyed by my Sweetheart.

FACT: If swallowing is "often unsatisfying" for Chris, that means that sometimes [[homo|it ''is'' satisfying]].

Not convinced? Try this:

{{quote|Uh, no, I don't think so, uh, because I've done that [drinking semen after masturbating], it's called "recycling it." Yeah, so it's basically recycling so, like uh, so he doesn't necessarily lose it. I mean, 'cause you know, if you think of it as a waste if you banged it out and then you, uh and then you flushed it down the commode or leave it in the condom in the garbage can...Though personally, I've been getting sick of swallowing my own, so lately I've been disposing of them.|Chris, [[Mumble 8|Mumble chat, 17 February 2009]]}}

[[Image:Recycle.jpg|thumb|right|Yes, he really does it...]]

In case you still don't believe it, Chris made a [[April 16 Fetish Vids|video]] for [[Ivy]] of himself drinking his jizz, which [[Clyde Cash]] leaked on 16 April 2009.<ref>http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html</ref> Chris had previously alleged that his semen would take on the flavor of any sort of fruits or sweets he recently consumed. So eating strawberries would lead to strawberry flavored semen and eating chocolate would lead to chocolate flavored semen. Ivy wanted him to test this theory. She requested he drink his semen and compare it to chocolate syrup. In the video, Chris explains that he doesn't have any chocolate milk [sic] handy. Instead, he mixed it with some orange Fanta, completely missing the point of her request was to compare the flavor.

Just to make sure everyone on Earth knows about it, Chris later made a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video]] admitting and justifying the existence of the cum-guzzling footage.

{{quote|I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate--I'm not ashamed to admit it--as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I--yeah, into the cup and--yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, [[daughter|unborn children]]. So then I can--then I can also still have a good number of...a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it.|Chris, defending the rights of the unborn, 28 April 2009}}

Chris has some advice for all you men out there too:

{{quote|And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners...of the--their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don--if you don--if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.|Chris, [[Chris and his ego|giving everyone his permission to not swallow semen]], 28 April 2009}}

Questions remain about his recycling plan. If he doesn't want to lose even a single unborn child, does that mean he plans to eventually father millions of children? Is he really dumb enough to believe his navy will survive digestion? (That's a rhetorical question.) And what happens to the comeuppance he wants to leave in his sweetheart's mouth — does that magically teleport back where it came from, or can women get pregnant from oral sex? The world may never know...

In the Kacey calls, Chris has also suggested interest in drinking his semen for arousal:
{{quote|And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]], after describing how he would titfuck Kacey}}
{{Clear}}

In [[Mailbag 30]], Chris announced that he had [[Mailbag_30#Chris quit guzzling cum|kicked the habit]], although the validity of this statement is questionable at best, considering his [[List of Chris's lies|track record]] for telling the truth.

When [[Bob]] described a youthful adventure (c. [[Pre-1980#1940s|1948]]) from his youth to [[Emily]], Chris blurted out ''" I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!"''<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>, which implies that he believes the sperm cell that became him in mid-1981 had existed for over thirty years, and had presumably been ejaculated and recycled by [[Bob Chandler|his father]] many, many times.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[April 16 Fetish Vids]]
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Physical characteristics]][[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Barack Obama

2012-11-28T01:40:30Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* White House gag */

[[Image:Obama.jpg|thumb|right|Obama's favorite Rolling Stones song? "Paint It, Black."]]

{{quote|I think he’s a regular stand up [[family guy]].|Chris on Obama, [[Rollin' and Trollin']]}}

{{quote|Who would you vote for; a war hero that you couldn't feel that much for, or the guy who you feel like is similar to you in social dilemnas?|[[IRC (18 December 2008)|Chris on voting for whoever reminds him of himself]]}}

'''Barack Hussein Obama''' (born [[Pre-1980#1960s|4 August 1961]]) is the current President of the [[United States of America]].

He appears briefly in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] in episode 17, painting the White House black. There was a popular joke where he did so after winning the presidential office. Chris obviously took this joke way too seriously, even [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview|believing it]] as an actual rumor about Obama.

Chris, while initially disliking Obama, felt he and Obama were much a lot alike, in that they were both discriminated against, essentially equating [[Kick the Autistic]] with actual racial discrimination. Chris admitted that after watching the [[Wikipedia:A&E Network|A&E]] documentary on Obama and [[Wikipedia:John McCain|John McCain]], he decided to vote for Obama because he felt he had more in common with him. In other words, Chris had no interest in or understanding of any of the campaign issues or the candidates' opinions on them. Due to [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|recent revelations]], some believe Chris would have not voted for Obama had [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18108978/ns/politics-decision_08/t/rudy-giuliani-dress-will-voters-care/ Rudy Giuliani] - a [[Tomgirl Pictures|person]] Chris can more easily identify with - won the republican primaries.

Chris did a prearranged interview in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin']] where he spoke about how he liked Obama and made no mention of painting the White House black.

On New Year's Eve 2009, Chris claimed to have "snail-mailed" Barack Obama asking to make [[homo]] ads on the [[CWCipedia]] illegal, [[Chris and the Law|with involvement from the FBI and jail sentences]].<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu#THAT_DOES_NOT_MATTER</ref>

{{clear}}

==White House gag==
[[Image:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's brilliant political satire in action. See, it's funny, because Bush is known to poke his political rivals with a broom.]]

This page was removed from CWC's site along with the comic pages featuring pornography; the pornographic pages were restored in the Luv Shack, but the Obama page remained removed.

While still a U.S. Senator, Obama made a cameo appearance in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], featured in one of the multitude of bizarre elevator gags seen as [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] ascend to the top of the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building. Inexplicably, the entire White House is contained on the 51st floor, where Obama is painting the exterior black. Below, Senator [[Wikipedia:John McCain|John McCain]] (R-AZ), who ran against Obama in the 2008 Presidential race, chides Obama for presuming to redecorate the White House before actually securing the election. Senator [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary Clinton]] (D-NY), who would later become Obama's Secretary of State, and [[Wikipedia:Sarah Palin|Sarah Palin]], McCain's running mate and then-Governor of Alaska, also look on with annoyance.

From inside the White House, then-President [[George W. Bush]] notices Obama's audacious paintjob, and takes matters into his own hands. Using a broom, he tips over Obama's ladder. The implied extent of Obama's injuries from the fall is left up to the imagination of the reader.

Obama is wearing a [[Wikipedia:kufi|kufi]], which is a traditional west African hat associated with Muslims. This is probably the result of Chris seeing photos of Obama wearing a kufi that have been released.

==See also==
*[[George W. Bush]]
*[[Niggos]]

==References==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://www.whitehouse.gov/administration/president-obama Obama official site]
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama Obama] on [[Wikipedia]]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Obama, Barack}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Barack Obama

2012-11-28T01:37:02Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* White House gag */

[[Image:Obama.jpg|thumb|right|Obama's favorite Rolling Stones song? "Paint It, Black."]]

{{quote|I think he’s a regular stand up [[family guy]].|Chris on Obama, [[Rollin' and Trollin']]}}

{{quote|Who would you vote for; a war hero that you couldn't feel that much for, or the guy who you feel like is similar to you in social dilemnas?|[[IRC (18 December 2008)|Chris on voting for whoever reminds him of himself]]}}

'''Barack Hussein Obama''' (born [[Pre-1980#1960s|4 August 1961]]) is the current President of the [[United States of America]].

He appears briefly in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] in episode 17, painting the White House black. There was a popular joke where he did so after winning the presidential office. Chris obviously took this joke way too seriously, even [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview|believing it]] as an actual rumor about Obama.

Chris, while initially disliking Obama, felt he and Obama were much a lot alike, in that they were both discriminated against, essentially equating [[Kick the Autistic]] with actual racial discrimination. Chris admitted that after watching the [[Wikipedia:A&E Network|A&E]] documentary on Obama and [[Wikipedia:John McCain|John McCain]], he decided to vote for Obama because he felt he had more in common with him. In other words, Chris had no interest in or understanding of any of the campaign issues or the candidates' opinions on them. Due to [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|recent revelations]], some believe Chris would have not voted for Obama had [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18108978/ns/politics-decision_08/t/rudy-giuliani-dress-will-voters-care/ Rudy Giuliani] - a [[Tomgirl Pictures|person]] Chris can more easily identify with - won the republican primaries.

Chris did a prearranged interview in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin']] where he spoke about how he liked Obama and made no mention of painting the White House black.

On New Year's Eve 2009, Chris claimed to have "snail-mailed" Barack Obama asking to make [[homo]] ads on the [[CWCipedia]] illegal, [[Chris and the Law|with involvement from the FBI and jail sentences]].<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu#THAT_DOES_NOT_MATTER</ref>

{{clear}}

==White House gag==
[[Image:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's brilliant political satire in action. See, it's funny, because Bush is known to poke his political rivals with a broom.]]

This page was removed from CWC's site along with the comic pages featuring pornography; the pornographic pages were restored in the Luv Shack, but the Obama page remained removed.

While still a U.S. Senator, Obama made a cameo appearance in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], featured in one of the multitude of bizarre elevator gags seen as [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] ascend to the top of the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building. Inexplicably, the entire White House is contained on the 51st floor, where Obama is painting the exterior black. Below, Senator [[Wikipedia:John McCain|John McCain]] (R-AZ), who ran against Obama in the 2008 Presidential race, chides Obama for presuming to redecorate the White House before actually securing the election. Senator [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary Clinton]] (D-NY), who would later become Obama's Secretary of State, and [[Wikipedia:Sarah Palin|Sarah Palin]], McCain's running mate and then-Governor of Alaska, also look on with annoyance.

From inside the White House, then-President [[George W. Bush]] notices Obama's audacious paintjob, and takes matters into his own hands. Using a broom, he tips over Obama's ladder. The implied extent of Obama's injuries from the fall is left up to the imagination of the reader.

Curiously, Obama is wearing a [[Wikipedia:kufi|kufi]], which is a traditional west African hat. This makes no sense as Obamas father was from Kenya, which is in east Africa and they do not wear the kufi. Additionally, Sarah Palins hair is inexplicably pink.

==See also==
*[[George W. Bush]]
*[[Niggos]]

==References==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://www.whitehouse.gov/administration/president-obama Obama official site]
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama Obama] on [[Wikipedia]]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Obama, Barack}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Tomgirl Pictures

2012-11-28T01:17:07Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Tito's Introduction */

{{Honest}}
{{quote|My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself.</ref>}}

One day, [[Chris]] decided to cross-dress. Then take '''pictures''' of it. Then go out in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public]] and take pictures of it. The pictures were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito]] on 28 [[April 2011]]. According to Tito, this bizarre new stunt was apparently Chris's extremely [[autism|overboard reaction]] to someone advising him to get in touch with his [[Chris and sex|feminine side]]. The photos also marked the beginning of the Tomgirl [[saga]].
[[File:TG1.png|center|300px]]
==History==
Chris has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[Muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> The most complete list of Chris's feminine traits can be seen [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is gay|here]]. To show his support to all Tomgirls and Tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]] consisting of a TomGirl Robee (formerly Robbie), and TomBoy Cera and Christine.
[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px]]

==Chris's outfit==
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|right|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)
While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse. Because it was never seen before, it might have been a one time thing.

==Tito's Introduction==
Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising,
and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.

== Gallery of Chris-tran ==
Several of these images are reversed left-to-right, possibly because Chris took them with the front camera on his [[Nintendo|DSi or 3DS]] (Which, like most front-facing cameras, flips the image so that the picture matches what the user sees on the screen, as though the user were looking into a mirror). It should also be noted that picture taking occurred in at least three different places. Pictures [[:File:TG3.jpg|TG3]] and [[:File:TG4.jpg|TG4]] are taken on the Downtown Walking Mall. [[:File:TG12.jpg|TG12]] and [[:File:TG19.jpg|TG19]] are taken at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] and the rest taken in his [[14_Branchland_Court|home]].

<center>{{Collapsible|Chris-tran|<gallery>
File:TG2.jpg|Tomgirl car in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:TG3.jpg|Chris previously drew on the [[Charlottesville]] Free Speech Wall in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]].
File:TG4.jpg
File:TG5.jpg|Chris matched the color of his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] with his new pair of sandals.
File:TG6.jpg
File:TG7.jpg|Left ear buccaneer, right ear [[Homos|queer]].
File:TG8.jpg|Not the first time that Chris has covered his face in [[pickle]]s and [[Semen|white goo.]] Also, he's using the [[Plush Breasts]] as a pillow.
File:TG9.jpg|You just know this picture will be used in the paper when Chris finally kills [[Michael Snyder|someone]].
File:TG10.jpg|Not even [[White knight|white knights]] can say anything to defend this...
File:TG11.jpg|I wonder what Fred Phelps would say about this....
File:TG12.jpg
File:TG13.jpg|DAT ASS
File:TG14.jpg
File:TG15.jpg|[[Barbara|Barb 2.0]]
File:TG16.jpg
File:TG17.jpg|He made himself into a sweetheart from the ground-up.
File:TG18.jpg|GOODBYE HORSES
File:TG19.jpg
File:TG20.jpg|The PlayStation Move SharpShooter doesn't make the look any manlier.
File:TG21.jpg|A pillar of heterosexuality, and that's [[List of Chris's lies|TRUE AND HONEST]]
File:TG22.jpg|If he wears this and claims to be straight, I'd hate to see him when he comes out of the closet.....
File:TG23.jpg
File:TG24.jpg|Note the [[Medallions_of_Fail#The_Asperchu_Medallion_.28a.k.a._The_Medallion_of_Win.3F.29|Asperchu Medallion]] at the top right.
File:TG25.jpg
File:TG26.jpg
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, with Tomgirl earrings.
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:RoD3b.jpg|March Picture 1, featuring Tomgirl Chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March Picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March Picture 3
</gallery>}}
</center>

== Fan works ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fan Works|<gallery>
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
File:Hemanchristian.jpg|Tomgirl or He-Man?
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]

DayOut

2012-11-15T09:26:42Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

The '''DayOut''' videos are a series of nine videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]], in which Chris takes us on a trip around [[Ruckersville]] and [[Charlottesville]] and shows us such wonderful places as a [[McDonald's]], a [[Wal-Mart]], and a [[Burger King]]! Can you feel the excitement?

Chris seems to describe stores, shopping malls and fast food joints, their surroundings and their easily rectifiable flaws with a droning monotone. Counter-intuitively, he generally uses this tone when he talks about stuff that is ''truly'' closest to his heart. When he finally gets to the more conventional tour sights – for example, the historic [[University of Virginia]] campus – that might actually interest people who think shopping malls are old hat, he ups the ante and launches into a [[random-access humor]] assault.

[[File:Oil Change due 4-5-09.jpg|thumb|Chris's absurdly overdue oil change]]

His [[Son-chu|trusty steed]] shows mechanical issues throughout the videos: an ungodly rattling sound is emitted from the engine at every stop light while idling. According to the oil-change sticker on the front windshield, his next scheduled oil change is for 5 [[April 2009]] — nineteen months ''before'' this video was made — or at 259,963 miles (418,351 km).

There are no less than three items hanging from his rear-view mirror blocking his view: a tacky, faded plastic [[America]]n flag; an [[Cherokian|Indian]] Head air freshener and a custom-made [[Sonichu]] air freshener; and a [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] doll superglued to the car's dashboard. Chris did, however, have the common knowledge to remove the giant handicapped placard from his view.

Chris holds the camera ''while driving,'' panning it from left to right to focus on whatever building he's talking about. This distraction is in addition to all the items floating in front of him while his station wagon becomes as cluttered as his [[house]]. It's a miracle he didn't cause an accident or get pulled over for looking through his camera while driving.<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1077 Virginia Code § 46.2-1077]. Motor vehicles not to be equipped with television within view of driver; viewing motion pictures or similar displays while driving.</ref>

==DayOut1==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5zDbqhC3niA}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Wigwam]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut2|DayOut2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Hello! Today we are going on a [[Niggos|drive-by]] tour of some of my favorite [[McDonalds|places]] around... [[Ruckersville|''town'']]. Here and there. So we're gonna get in my car and I'm gonna... [[6 June 2010|drive around]].

[''Chris walks over to Son-Chu and gives the camera a [[The Creepy Stare|creepy stare]].'']

==DayOut2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gudHHaaQm3g}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut1|DayOut1]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut3|DayOut3]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is driving his car now, pointing his camera out the windshield.'']

And, uhh, coming up on- first on our trip, we take a- we go north to [[Ruckersville]]. [''points the camera out the passenger's window; a sign for a [[Wal-Mart]] and Lowe's comes into view''] And right over to our right, we see the new [[McDonald's]] that has been built recently. [''he points the camera out his window towards a Wal-Mart''] Let's get a closer look at that shortly. And over to my left is the new [[Wal-Mart]] that has been... constructed- has been finished for over a month now. Got everything in there. It's practically super-size.

[''Chris points his camera at the windshield again. After a short pause, he aims it out the passenger's window at a McDonald's. He drives around the parking lot as he continues, moving his camera randomly around the car as he does so.'']

There is the new McDonald's. Small in its stature, though it can stand to improvement. Because you basically have to go around the building twice just to go through the drive-thru! They need to either add an exit lane outta here... around there, I don't know or make this whole building do a wh- whole 180. [''short pause''] Other than that, the, uh, Wal-mart is just fine the way it is.

[''Chris points the camera out the right window again at a gas station.'']

And in a moment up here, we'll take a closer look at the [[Coffee Place|Burger King]]... that my father goes to sometimes.

==DayOut3==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3oQbhGbozbg}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut2|DayOut2]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut4|DayOut4]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is driving around the parking lot and drive-thru of a gas station-Burger King combo.'']

This here is the Burger King that my father... goes to ev- practically every morning for breakfast, and sometimes I join him as well. But not every day. Sometimes. I am not a [[Chris and Health|fast-food addict]]. [''pause''] And I am [[Lie|not]] [[Obesity|that big]], though I can stand to lose a [[A Workout|few pounds]].

==DayOut4==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_yV9PogBMcA}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut3|DayOut3]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut5|DayOut5]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is parked in a parking lot of a Food Lion supermarket. He pulls out of his space and drives around a bit.'']

And next on our drive-by tour... is our- is the local Food Lion, where my family and I would get most of our food, 'specially when they're on sale. Sometimes we get our food from the, uh, new Wal-mart, but it depends- it depends on where the prices- on which one has lower price. 'Cause most likely, over at Wal-mart, their food items are not on sale. [[Autism|They're usually on, quote-unquote, "roll-backs".]]

==DayOut5==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut5
| video = {{#ev:youtube|uhN9bqX1m_c}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut4|DayOut4]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut6|DayOut6]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''[[Son-Chu]] rattles loudly in the background'']

Next up! Next up, in our drive by tour, we are in the For- we are in the ''shopsss'' of Forest ''Lakesss''. Where we have the, uh, [[Target|Tar-get]]? Where I sometimes walk around in? They have a comparable selec-SHIN... possibly prices lower than Wal-Mart sometimes, but not all da tiiime.

Also in this neckinawoods we have a Five Guys Restauraaant, a Quiz-nooos, I think there's a Subway roun'nyeaaar... uhhm. Paah... a Sakura-s, but then t'... An a'course one of the eh-many Gamestops, TGIFridays (a TGIFridays over there, za Gamestop here). And! Around-a corner over here, there's a Harris Teeter! Right over, there!

I'm stuck behind-a vehicle.

Anyway, a 'arrir Teeter, right over... there!

I'll save the film, and we'll pick up we're at the next stop.

==DayOut6==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut6
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QbEqUwy07xs}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut5|DayOut5]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut8|DayOut7]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[small pan around, the Handicap Sticker is prominent for a bit]

Chris: An-a-and in a panoramic sort of view from a standpoint, this here is Fashion Square Shopping Center, at least the front of it. Where there are a great number of stores in there, You have a whole bunch-a buildin' stores, but the choolest ones gotta I, I would say gotta be Sears, Belk, JCPenney. Uhhh yes there is a Gamestop in there, an' a Spencers, and a Toys 'R' Us Express. Which actually gives good appeal back to the um, back to the shopping center, because they lost some of-they lost that PO when they closed the Kay-Bee toy store that used to be in there. And they will be openin' up a new book store soon to replace the one they had before.

[pans camera to his face]

On the way over here, a few other note-kit-notable locations. Where um, the Sears Club and the Wal-Mart next to the Doubletree Hotel. On the right side outgoing south, as well as Rio Hill Shopping Center with a Lowe's, a Chik-Fil-A, a Kroger's, Crutchfield, and Atlas Comic Book Store. And also, an IHOP, which my parents sometimes go to for dinner. Or lunch. I dunno. Its just one of those times. And also, there's uh, also up the road just a little bit, there's a Toys-R-Us. Up the road...northwise. And there are other places, of which uh, we'll be taken note of. Ah, also up the road some more, is a Kmart and a Big Lots... a Burger King around there. And of course there are shops at the Barracks Road Shopping Center, which, I probably admit, there's another...Gamestop over there as well. But there's also a Barnes & Noble, as well as a... Fed-Ex/Kinkos, and another Harris Teeter, 'nother Kroger over there. Bunch'a good stores over there. Shenanigans, and... that other store that's to it. Forget its name... I'll be waylaying(?) other locations short in just'a little bit. Stay tuned.

==DayOut7==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut7
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qSSiTYddWSY}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut6|DayOut6]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut8|DayOut8]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Coming up in just a little bit, we will be ah, passing by an old playground I used to play at quite often, which includes a wading pool.

I- I mean, I mean when I was ah li- just an itty bitty thing, I thought it was a swimming pool. I mean, I guess to really call it a swimming pool it would need to be deeper.

Anyway we're going to drive-by now.

Take a look at the pool there, you can tell it needs to be deeper.

There's the old playground. They need to update that, it's a bit rusty. Update the playground fixtures.

Stay tuned on our next stop to be coming up eventually.

But also, I would like to note another fine landmark, another fine landmark around here. A little known place called [[McIntire Park]].

I mean, I don't know, I mean, I don't know if that playground I just pointed out kind of is McIntire Park, or part of it. But it's next to it anyway.

And there's a playground over at McIntire Park also, nowadays.

==DayOut8==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DayOut8
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AMdasdCExck}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut7|DayOut7]]
| next = [[DayOut#At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange|At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Anyway, uh, on our next drop by we're just gonna get a few little glimpses of the Downtown Mall. Y'all have seen it before as I have ah, recorded it mainly, to that, considerably [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkour]] thing. Even though you guess, uhhh, you couldn't really count it as a Parkour I, I mean, I tried, you know, I did try on that.

Now I'm stopped at a traffic light here.

C'mon. Come on.

Anyway jus- just a few peeks down the few alleys of the uh, downtown mall area. Just a few peeks here and there.

Ugh. Looks like we got the, ah, Albemarle Charlottesville Spirit Walk coming up.

If you want to do this step by step that's your luxury and you're welcome to do that. I'm just going to put myself in here at the parking garage. So I'll check in at the next destination.

==At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange==

{{Infobox/video
| name = At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RYUcwB5E4Dg}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|Sightseeing}}
| style = {{Reason|"The Tour Guide"}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#DayOut8|DayOut8]]
| next = [[WeighIn]]
}}

The title of this video is likely an insult aimed at noted guido [[Clyde Cash]].
=== Transcript ===
Pretty much on this final segment of this, uh, tour around Charlottesvile, and, uh, some of my fun favorite choice places, we can drive down the t- down the corner, and the [[UVA]], the University of Virginia, just coming up on the corner.

Don't forget traffic folks, because, you know, red lights, they do come up.

Green change, change you stupid light. Red light turn green. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Mmmm. (Sigh). Better yet, green light turn yellow. Nnnnnn-now. Now. Right now. Oh, it happened. Go figure sun reflections and everything.

Anyway I don't really have much ah, particular of what's in the corner, but there is a Baja Bean. Did go to a Baja Bean that was across, that's across from the Wal-mart in Charlottesville, a little while back. Don't go there as much. But, yeah that's one place anyway.

UVA medical, medical center and hospital areas down to the left there. Which is, ah you can make the left turn to get there from here. Going about West-ward.

Hey, little truck from Texas. He's a long way from home.

Dududududu, red light turn green. Red light turn green. C'mon. Red light turn green. Red light turn green, green, green. Red light turn green. There you go.

Anyway just, ah, enjoy what's on the ah, corner along the right side of the building as we drive by. (Chris belches loudly)

Cause essentially it's just whatever. I know that ah, there's a, I think there's a Plan Nine on the corner now, or at least there used to be. There's a Plan Nine over by where Circuit City used to be as well. I'd go around Circuit City once about now there once in a while, while it was open. There's a Baja Bean. And unfortunately they had to close up their shops too. Circuit City, there's one left, come find us. Yeah, all the way up, probably in Canada. Toronto Canada. Or, better yet. You don't have to travel as far, for some of our good deals you can go to our website which, is still up. Even though our stores are closed we have an online store and our one location in Toronto Canada. Circuit City, were service is state of the art, or [[Chris and Remorse|at least was]], no it's like seemingly out of date. The old plug socket, that went into the pavement.

Everybody wants to [[Chris and music|sing the song]].

And a few calls of ah, [[rape]] around here lately. What's kinda sad, really. But, y'know, at least the citizens are more aware.

And I'll just, ah turn into my left now where you can see some of the Campus buildings. So the buildings of the ah, University of Virginia. The Campus grounds and all that. Don't know much about 'em except for, [[Bob|my father]] was a guest on a radio st-, on the WTJU here one year when they were doing the jazz marathon in 1989. I remembered the year at random just now. [[Chris and cinematography|Please forgive the reflective sunlight]].

Ahh, the University of Virginia. The University in the city of which it was founded by Mr. Thomas Jefferson and the letter, Z, in the statue in front of that building. I believe there's a postcard with that image on there as well.

Hmmm, give you a little bit more, tour of the ah, grounds, and then I'll have to wrap this up because I'm running ou- I'm running low on memory.

[[Ghostbusters|There's something strange,]] in your head, who you gonna call, [[Random-access humor|Mr Fred. He wets the bed.]] What are you gonna do when Mr Fred wets the bed? Ewww. Oh I say here's a bad host. It's a ghost. Who you gonna call? Another ghost! To get rid of the first ghost. I mean especially if it's a boy ghost, you call a girl ghost. Or, otherwise you call- uh can't make a left turn here. Otherwise if it's a girl ghost you call a boy ghost, anyway you call another ghost to get rid of the first ghost. Can't make a left turn here.

Anyway, there's another step down there and ah, tennis courts over there and, I don't know, there's a soccer field around the corner there. And that pretty much wraps it up here.

This has been a, fun little tour on a day out with me. Thank you very much, and have a go-

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=14+Branchland+Court,+Ruckersville,+VA&daddr=U.S.+29,+Ruckersville,+VA+22968+(Burger+King)+to:Ruckersville,+136+Cedar+Grove+Road,+VA+to:Connor+Dr,+Charlottesville,+Albemarle,+Virginia+22911+to:Park+St+to:US-250+E%2FUS-250+Bypass+E+to:Market+St+%26+2nd+St+NW,+Charlottesville,+Virginia+22902+to:Market+St.+and+5th+St.,+Charlottesville,+VA+to:W+Main+St+%26+7th+St+NW,+Charlottesville,+Virginia+22903+to:University+Ave.+and+Emmet+St.+S,+Charlottesville,+VA+to:14+Branchland+Court,+Ruckersville,+VA&hl=en&geocode=FWLiRgIdl5dT-yk_WYo5C3G0iTEm_Csij_khEg%3BFf1iRwId3CtU-yHQBPnFU2tWlg%3BFcwDRwIdUONT-ylrZYXshnG0iTH8QadOLbw_yQ%3BFULLRQIdDBVT-yn_nFuqCHe0iTEbJSEapw6WAA%3BFch0RAIds55S-w%3BFZSGRAIdyIJS-w%3BFZNRRAIdEnZS-ykdrofGJYaziTGxNkQfBTO8AQ%3BFSJNRAId2YRS-ymTJX9VJoaziTEowGTWE7F6Hw%3BFTlQRAIdVldS-ykj6BasO4aziTEmnlbr3y62fw%3BFRJxRAIdUxVS-ymZiHJeToaziTEh3y31Shwr1A%3BFWLiRgIdl5dT-yk_WYo5C3G0iTEm_Csij_khEg&mra=mrv&mrcr=4&sll=38.035146,-78.486972&sspn=0.011459,0.01929&ie=UTF8&ll=38.134016,-78.403931&spn=0.366183,0.617294&z=11 Chris's route] (more or less)

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Wigwam]]|nextlink=[[WeighIn]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 d]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 d]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 d]]

Blazebob Sonichu

2012-11-15T09:06:17Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[Image:Blazebob.png|thumb|110px|Blazebob's first depiction by [[PandaHalo]].]]

'''Blazebob Sonichu''' is yet another unoriginal recolor who has even less personality than other [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]].

==Origins==
[[Image:BlazeBobHeadshot.jpg|right|thumb|110px|The fuck is up with his eyes?]]

Originally created by [[PandaHalo]] along with [[Chloe Rosechu]], Blazebob is proof that Chris is so unoriginal that he has resorted to recoloring a recolor of a recolor. He is identical to [[Ultra Sonichu]], who is identical to [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. He provides the other half to Chloe, as no inhabitant of [[CWCville]] could possibly ever be single.

His name comes from [[Robert Simmons V]], a famed [[troll]] and former ally of Chris. According to PandaHalo, Robert had traveled all the way to Australia just to hang out with her, and she had become infatuated with him. The character was named in his honor, and was originally conceptualized as a transformation for Robert, just like [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]].

Although his name is sometimes given as "BlazeBob", with a CamelCase "B", Chris spells it "Blazebob",<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Electric inequality Pokémon]]</ref> not that you'd be able to tell from the comics since all dialogue in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] is written in ALL CAPS [[Comic Sans]].

==In the comics==
[[File:BlazeBobMourning.JPG|right|thumb|110px|Blazebob and Chloe, during their 15 whole seconds of mourning for the [[Chris and Death|death]] of PandaHalo]]

Since being introduced in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], his only action since being launched from a burning building has been to tell Chloe to "[[Ryan Cash|move on]]" after their trainer's death, before disappearing without a trace. He is the second Sonichu in the series to have fire powers, the first being [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] back in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], thus making him completely redundant.

In the [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Sonichu]], "Blazebob" is described as a potential evolution for an infant [[Sonee]] should it be exposed to a Fire Stone.

Curiously, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] gives Chloe and Blazebob's ages as 17 and 18 respectively,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_74</ref> which if we are to take Chris's [[retcons]] into account would make them the youngest two Sonichus and Rosechus alive, at least until [[Sandy]] evolved. Chris previously claimed that all of the grown up Sonichus in the comic were hatched from a batch of eggs created by the Chaotic [[Rainbow]] which sent the eggs back in time to February 2nd 1989, though they ended up in different locations.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Origins</ref> It has yet to be explained why these two Sonichus in particular are for some reason younger than all the others, but the only other possible explanation for where they come from has some unsavory implications, given that the only other [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] around at the time they were born were roughly four years old.<ref>[[Sonichu chronology]]</ref>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Robert Simmons V]]
*[[Chloe Rosechu]]
*[[PandaHalo]]
*[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]

{{Not Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]

Chris and brand loyalty

2012-11-07T17:48:40Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Harry Potter vs. Pokemon */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|You gotta have merchandise because it's like a wedding ring for the product. And it makes it- and then the fans will- will continue to support you as long as you have the merchandise a- it's like a wedding ring. |[[Download For Play Only|Chris, making his thoughts on branding as clear as he can.]]}}
[[Image:Chris Love Micky D's.png|thumb|right|I'm LOVIN' it.]]
'''Brand loyalty''' is a consumer's commitment to repeatedly purchasing a product or service from a particular company or business. Companies use advertising, loyalty programs, product placement and contests to establish a brand which consumers will recognize, consider valuable, and seek out at the expense of other brands. Due to his difficulty separating [[Chris and reality|reality and fiction]] Chris tends to consider advertisements to be [[AXE|literal documentation of a product's effectiveness]] rather than intrinsically biased attempts to lure consumers and as a result of his sense of entitlement he views [[Chris and contests|winning randomized contests]] as a validation of his self worth. These qualities, in combination with his [[Autism|rigid thinking, fear of change and attraction to routine]], has led Chris to have intense brand loyalty for certain products as well as hatred for their perceived rivals. His loyalty even extends to areas that would not normally considered "brands," such as mental disabilities and sexual orientations.

==Overview==
{{Quote|Oil of Olay brand bar soap... Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good... I just used it to wash my hands! And I use it in the shower! To [[Mass debating|wash myself vigorously]]! I certainly do not use any animals, my own [[Semen|jizz]], or anything else other than Oil of Olay brand bars of soap. And Axe body wash. And shampoo, and conditioner. Available in anti-dandruff form! But anyway, Oil of Olay. Softer, smoother skin in a week, and makes you very clean. Have a nice day!|[[Anti Troll Movement Video1|Chris, promoting hygiene products without irony.]]}}
[[Image:Rubi 110309.jpg|thumb|right|Chris considered this a reward for drinking thousands of cans of Coke.]]
Chris considers his choice of brands to be a major component of his identity. In general, once Chris has committed to a particular "brand" he will stand by it regardless of its quality. He considers those who abandon a brand in favor of a competitor, such as [[Sonichu]] fans who became fans of [[Asperchu]], to be "hypocrites." Chris seems to consider being a consumer of a particular brand as something like a relationship - at one point clumsily attempting to use a mangled quote from the video game [[Brutal Legend]] to explain this strange belief, saying that merchandise was like a wedding ring and that as long as there was branded merchandise available, fans should stay loyal<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>.

Chris is highly susceptible to marketing and branding; he feels strong loyalty to brands even, and perhaps especially, if they are essentially identical to their rivals. He is drawn to virtually every attempt at generating brand loyalty, compulsively entering any contest he encounters and fastidiously collecting various loyalty points, including [[My Coke Rewards]] and [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''McDonald's Monopoly'']].

[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|left|Free advertising]]
Chris seems to struggle to understand the economics of advertisements, instead seeing them as positive features in the media he enjoys. He happily included his own versions of advertisements and product placement for real brands in his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]] and nearly every issue of [[Sonichu]]; he seemed genuinely surprised that Coke, for example, wouldn't want one of his fake Coke ads - "hand-drawn charm" notwithstanding - on the [[Cwcipedia]]. He also frequently states that his videos are sponsored or "brought to you by" various companies with which he has no business relationship and uses his own variation of marketing speak to plug their products. <ref>[[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]</ref>

He is a vigorous defender of his favored brands in unusual ways, warning his readers not to purchase pirated versions of [[Little Big Planet]] (a PS3 exclusive title) for Xbox 360, despite the fact that this is impossible.

{{clear}}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==
{{quote|HERO OF MY LIFE|[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Chris, describing Sonic]}}
[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|A match made in heaven?]]
Sonic is the quintessential example of Chris's intense brand loyalty. Chris is, in many ways, the product of Sega's attempt to allow people to feel a personal connection with electronic appliances. Following Mario's success for Nintendo, Sonic was designed to appeal to young children and act as a mascot for Sega. He was concocted by combining elements from other popular cultural elements of the early 1990s, including Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Santa Claus. Part of Sega's strategy was to employ a multi-pronged marketing technique, including video games, television shows, and contests. Chris followed all of these closely and in a fateful moment became the winner of the [[Sonic Watch and Win Sweepstakes]], which cemented Sonic's place of honor in Chris's mind. Sonic became Chris's "lifelong hero," replacing his previous "lifelong hero" [[The American Rabbit]]. (Despite Sonic's much greater grip on his life, Chris has often felt compelled to mention the American Rabbit, as if out of some obligation.) While Sonic was certainly a popular franchise, particularly in the 1990s, Chris became obsessed with the hedgehog to a level likely unanticipated by Sega. During the 1990s Sonic occupied nearly all of his thinking, serving as a fantasy world in which he could escape from the realities of daily life. Chris would generally combine Sonic with whatever he was doing, whether it was replacing the characters in Goosebumps books with Sonic characters or combining [[Bionic|Sonic with basketball to form the recolor "Bionic]]." Over the past two decades Chris has purchased nearly every Sonic-branded game, toy, and bit of merchandise, and seems to view Sonic as something like an old personal friend.

Instead of growing up and moving on when the Sonic brand began to grow stale at the end of the 1990s, Chris merged Sonic with his other beloved franchise at the time, [[Pokemon]], to create [[Sonichu]], who has largely replaced Sonic as the primary character in his internal fantasy world - although Sonic still makes occasional cameo appearances.

Despite Sonic's sidekick Tails' major presence in Sonic media, Chris rarely refers to him and conspicuously left him, or any recolor of him or two-tailed anything, absent from ''Sonichu.'' Some have speculated that this may be due to popular schoolyard rumors that conjectured that Sonic and Tails were in a homosexual relationship. Chris's notorious [[homophobia]] may have caused him to have an aversion to a character that he imagined might have tempted Sonic from "the straight path."

This sort of loyalty seems to even extend to the spinoffs as well. Despite three American cartoons (including the one kicked off his love for Sonic), two Japanese cartoons, and a long-running American comic, most if not all of Chris' usages of Sonic center on the video games.

Although Mario and Nintendo were vicious rivals of Sonic and Sega, Chris seems to have been largely oblivious to this tension and never subjected them to the kind of hatred he would aim at rivals of his favored products later in his life.

==[[Playstation 3]] vs. [[HEXbox]]==
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is never the answer.]]
[[Image:cwcps3_by_nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|right]]
{{quote|Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call My Digital Home. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|[[PS3 History Level|Chris expressing TRUE and HONEST love.]]}}
Perhaps Chris's best known case of brand loyalty is his sycophantic love of the [[PS3|Sony PlayStation 3]] and abject hatred for for the [[XBox|Microsoft XBox 360]]. While fanboyism for these video game consoles is certainly well known and the rivalry between these products was referred to as a "console war," Chris, as he frequently does, took it to a new level, irrationally hating the Xbox 360 and heaping love and money on Sony. Chris was obsessed with the PS3 long before he was able to purchase one, stating that he would throw out the cure for autism for the $600 hunk of black plastic <ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref>. When he finally bought a PS3, after failing to [[Pixelated PS3|win it in a contest]], he considered it to be the "ultimate life upgrade." The PS3 and its online component the [[PSN]], where he has spent thousands of dollars, became an extremely important part of every day for Chris. He would also use his limited budget to purchase numerous Sony branded accessories, including a flat-screen TV, a [[PSEye]], PSmove, PSmove Sharpshooter and multiple [[Guitar Hero]] controllers. Chris seems to find more pleasure in the purchasing of PS3 content than in its actual use. He frequently buys downloadable content for games he does not own. Chris seems to consider the PS3 and its games and accessories to be a genuine life improvement or something akin to investments rather than a glorified hugbox; how these electronic gizmos do anything but distract him from reality remains unclear. Chris went to great lengths to express his distaste for the PS3 primary rival: the Xbox 360, or "HEXbox" as he liked to call it. When Chris would propose a videogame such as [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]], he would make sure to state that it would be for all consoles... HEXbox excepted. Chris went as far as defacing in-store advertisements for the Xbox while yelling "kick that hex-bawx" <ref>August 2010</ref> and frequently lashing out at those who appeared to like or be affiliated with the Xbox. Chris's reasons for hating the Xbox 360 was never clearly defined. When pressed for answers, Chris would generally cite Xbox Live's (Xbox's online component) cost or the infamous "[[Wikipedia:Red_ring_of_death#.22General_Hardware_Failure.22_errors|red ring of death]]" <ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref> He would later admit that his anger stemmed from jealousy over being unable to afford an original Xbox and that the aforementioned reasons were merely excuses<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>. Though he later softened his stance against the Xbox under the influence of [[Jackie]], the rivalry between the consoles and Chris's loyalty towards Sony was at its peak during the height of Chris trolling. This caused his hatred to become well known and the Xbox 360 to become a bit of a mascot for trolls. Chris also associated the Xbox with trolls, depicting [[Alec Benson Leary]] as an Xbox user. Even though he has recanted much of his hatred towards the XBox 360, he has not made the choice to purchase one, despite spending the vast majority of his money on video games.

Ironically, Chris once felt similar hatred towards the Sony PS 1 and 2, which were at that time rivals to his beloved Nintendo N64 and GameCube respectively. His hatred for Sony and its gaming products, described by Chris as equal to his contemporary hatred of Microsoft, evaporated when he purchased a PS 1 at an SPCA rummage sale for a "bargain." He intended to sell it for profit, but instead played it and found it to be enjoyable. Instead of learning from this, discovering that rival consoles can be equally enjoyable, Chris simply became a Sony fanboy and began hating Microsoft.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==[[Autism]] vs. [[Asperger's]]==
{{quote|Competing Retards|[[Mailbag 19|The first words that comes to Chris's mind when he thinks of Asperger's syndrome]]}}
Chris extends his loyalty to brands far outside the normal realms of products and services and into the world of mental abnormality. He is extremely loyal to his diagnosis of autism, swearing by "my autism" multiple times and considering it to be an integral part of his identity, despite having serious difficulty grasping how the condition affects his ability to function. Just as with the PS3 and Xbox 360, Chris has identified a rival to autism in Asperger's syndrome. Despite the fact that Chris's "high-functioning" autism and Asperger's are essentially identical diagnoses, Chris feels that people with Asperger's are trying to "steal his limelight" and in fact stated that the name of the disorder, beyond merely sounding like "a bad cut of meat," brought to mind "competing retards." Just like with Coke and Pepsi, Chris has taken two functionally identical things and chosen one to identify with and the other to hate.

==[[Harry Potter]] vs. [[Pokemon]]==

[[Image:100-DarkCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Chris expressing his hatred for "that spaz" the only way he knows how... in Pokemon form.]]
{{quote|He dared compete against Pok'emon, PLUS he is a total Spaz, and I just do not care for him at all.|[[Mailbag 7|Chris]]}}
Although this is not seen as a traditional rivalry by the rest of world, Chris has a strong dislike of the boy wizard Harry Potter because he perceives him to be a threat to the Pokemon franchise. Chris calls him a "total spaz"<ref>[[Mailbag 7|Mailbag #7]]</ref> and at one point even [[Death threats|''threatened to kill'']] the fictional character.<ref>[http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/e/ea/100-DarkCWC.jpg "Dark Christian" card from [[Wall of Originals]].]</ref> His hatred appears to stem from Chris's perception that a brand was once again "stealing the limelight" from something he identified with, in this case Pokemon. When Harry Potter and Pokemon were released at roughly the same time while Chris was in high school. While Pokemon was aimed at younger children, Harry Potter targeted a slightly older, more literate demographic. To Chris, the choice was obvious.

In later years Chris softened his stance on Harry Potter and at the request of [[Jackie]], Chris [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|dressed up as a wizard and made reference to Harry Potter]].

==[[Nintendo]]==
{{quote|Listen People of Nintendo, DURING MY LIFETIME, my family and I have [[Chris and money|invested]] THOUSANDS of American Dollars and Cents in Nintendo Video Games and Systems from NES and Game Boy to Gamecube/Wii and DS/GBA.|[[Miyamoto_Saga#Chris's Inspiration|Chris, expecting his loyalty to Nintendo to be repaid.]]}}
Chris has been a lifelong fan of Nintendo products, and although his love of Sonic prevented him from becoming obsessed with Mario, Chris has owned nearly every Nintendo console and handheld since the NES (there have been no signs of the infamous Virtual Boy). His relationship with Nintendo and his interactions with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], who he believed was interested in producing a Sonichu game, displays Chris's odd understanding of consumer/corporate relations. It appears that Chris believed that his loyalty to various corporate interests would be recognized and returned in a reciprocal fashion, as he listed his multitude of Nintendo purchases in an attempt to convince the game developer to work with him<ref>Miyamoto emails</ref>.

==Sexuality==
{{quote|I am straight; do not label me otherwise. I would rather suffer a painful [[Tomgirl|gender-change operation]] than ever be a [[homo]].|[[Sonichu #9|Chris demonstrating proper use of a semicolon.]]}}
{{quote|Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, [[Virgin#No_longer_a_virgin_.28no_word_on_the_rage.29|THE FIRST TIME]], and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.|[[ChrisChanSonichu_and_WikiSysop_correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_.28CCS.29|Chris discussing his plans for his first time with his webmaster.]]}}
Chris's allegiance to heterosexuality and hatred for homosexuality could be seen as a form of warped brand loyalty. To Chris, heterosexual love is the most pure joyous expression of emotion that can be experienced, the search for which is the noblest of quests. It's opposite: homosexual love, on the other hand, is a warped dangerous temptation and those who practice it are worthy of scorn. Chris has even forgone platonic same-sex friendships in an effort to avoid any possibility that he might associate with and be tempted by a homosexual. Just as with his hatred for the XBox, Chris is completely closed minded when it comes to evaluating homosexuality; to him it is the enemy and the mere thought of it makes him blind with rage. Despite his efforts at finding heterosexual love, Chris seems more concerned with insuring that he is properly labeled as a STRAIGHT man. His efforts to prove to the world that he is in fact not a homo include going as far as planning to record and publicize his first heterosexual experience against the wishes of his hypothetical partner. Whether Chris's hatred for homosexual stems from jealousy, as it did with his hatred for the XBox, is unknown.

The origin of this loyalty can be traced back to his childhood: [[Bob]], being a Southern gentleman, not only disliked homosexuals in the traditional bigoted manner, but suffered from frequent paranoid delusions regarding their roll in his life. When Chris ran into trouble at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary]] Bob blamed the problems not only on the principal (who he was certain was a homosexual), but on the school board which, for reasons left unclear, he believed to be stacked with homosexuals who despised his family. Even incredibly [[naive]] Christian was capable of seeing that this was, at the very least, an exaggeration, if not a paranoid persecution fantasy<ref>Chris, on IRC, circa 21 January 2009.</ref>. Nevertheless this kind of hatred and paranoia sunk into Chris's mind and was compounded by Bob's unfounded and bizarre belief that Chris's trolling originated with several homosexuals who he believed frequented the [[GAMe PLACe]].

Chris's feelings on lesbianism are more nuanced. While he still feels the Biblical injunction against same-sex coupling applies, scissoring is just too hot for him to condemn.
==[[Axe]]==
{{quote|I respectfully and humbly request that on the package a statement li—such as "DESIGNED ONLY FOR STRAIGHT ORIENTED MEN"|[[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|Chris]]}}
Chris's loyalty to this multinational deodorant brand (called Lynx in the UK) is a classic example of Chris taking advertising literally. Early commercials for the deodorant depicted women throwing themselves at men in a manner reminiscent of Chris's desire for women to approach him in public. Rather than seeing this as hyperbole, Chris seems to believe that the product may have this effect in reality. Obviously Axe has never worked as advertised for Chris, but he has maintained his status as a loyal customer for many years.

Axe is also an example of how Chris considers the products he buys an integral component of his identity. As a loyal Axe customer, he was deeply disturbed when he was told that Axe was popular in the gay community, and he felt the need to use [[Youtube]] to [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|request that the Unilever Corporation]] use labels to specifically forbid homosexuals from using their products.

==[[McDonald's]] vs. [[Burger King]]==
{{quote|Tea for a dollar, in a Large Cup, at McDonalds; go Dollar-Menuaires!|[[IRC (24 October 2008)|Chris, plugging his favorite restaurant to the trolls.]]}}
[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and cinematography|An example of Chris's brilliant camerawork]]]]
Chris is a lifelong acolyte of McDonald's and thus dislikes its main competitor, Burger King. McDonald's is a major component of Chris's life. He eats a significant percentage of his meals at the popular fast-food restaurant, considers it the perfect location for a first date, and features it as a location in several issues of Sonichu. One of his most cherished and sickening fantasies involves having sex with his sweetheart in the handicapped bathroom of the local McDonald's. Chris has little love for Burger King, although he certainly never mentioned refusing to eat the food when dragged there by his father, who preferred it to McDonald's. (Bob and Chris apparently did have some dispute about coupons with the manager of their local Burger King, resulting in Chris's bizarre attempt to get his trolls to troll her by creating an article on the CWCki.) Chris has never mentioned having any strong positive or negative feelings toward the Wendy's chain before his brief stint as an employee, and seems not to hold animosity toward the chain as a whole despite being fired from his local store after three days.

Some time in 2012 Chris seems to have turned on McDonald's, urging people to avoid the Forest Lakes location as he believes he has been discriminated against due to his autism and foul mouth. Whether Chris himself has actually stopped going to the nearest location of his favorite restaurant remains to be seen.

==Coke and Pepsi==
Surprisingly, Chris does not appear to have a specific long-term loyalty in this classic example of a nonexistent choice. He has been known to drink both, but claims that Sonichu drinks only [[CWC Cola]], a variant of Pepsi with a [[Semen|special ingredient]]. At one point he supported a boycott of Pepsi due to its alleged "gay-friendliness." He has been known to hoard My Coke Rewards points; in the Ivy Q&A, Ivy describes his becoming miffed at having to use his points to buy a different version of a song he already owned to fulfill Ivy's request for a video. (One might think that a few points are a trifling thing when sweet, sweet [[china]] is the potential reward, but then one probably isn't Chris.)
==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Lovely Weather

2012-10-13T03:31:33Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Overview */ Uh, what?

{{Quote|
<poem>"Just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
Ring ting tingling, too
Come on, it's '''lovely weather'''
'''For a sleigh ride together with''' you,
Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling "Yoo hoo,"
Come on, it's '''lovely weather'''
'''For a sleigh ride together with''' you."</poem>
|Sleigh Ride<ref>[http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/christmas_songs_lyrics_10575/other_lyrics_33314/sleigh_ride_lyrics_360899.html "Sleigh Ride" Lyrics]</ref>}}

[[Image:Lovelymotherfuckingweather.jpg|thumb|Note the broad shoulders, the lack of hips, and how she's as tall as Chris...]]

'''Lovely Weather''' is [[Chris]]'s future wife, whom Chris traveled through the [[Time Void]] to meet and presumably [[Chris and sex|have sex with]]. Although many of Chris's real-life [[sweethearts]] have also made appearances in his comics, Lovely is (to our knowledge) an entirely fictional creation.

Chris [[Mailbag 50#And in closing...|likes to sing]] "Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with Lovely Weather..." over and over. He thinks [[Random-access humor|this is clever]] because "Lovely Weather" could be someone's name! [[Chris and reality|Now it is.]] The song Christian parodies is "Sleigh Ride", a holiday staple since the early 1950's.<ref>[[Wikipedia: Sleigh Ride]]</ref>

==Overview==
[[Image:LovelyWeatherBizarro.jpg|thumb|150px|A sweetheart of the OPPOSITE GENDER.]]

Lovely Weather can be seen in the comic in her present-day form, where she looks like a [[Silvana|man in drag]]. Since Lovely Weather was a relatively new character in the ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic, with a first appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[fans]] had expected more [[Giant Penis Comic|"shenanigans"]] involving her in the future. The indefinite hiatus of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], however, makes this unlikely.

Lovely stands as a bold statement of Christian's unrealistic expectations, as she has enormous breasts, wears a thong, enjoys frequent casual sex, and thinks even the most bland sentence is hilarious. This depiction of Chris's ideal future wife directly contrasts everything he holds dear about females.<ref> [[I am STRAIGHT]] - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_za09_kjZA&feature=share&list=UUukiSAjb6ATVP-XafW871Eg "IamSTRAIGHT Part 2"]</ref> Through the comic, Lovely is portrayed as dim, easy, and incredibly shallow.

Lovely and Chris are supposedly married by 2015. Considering the way things are going, it's doubtful he'll get married by then. We all know that the man is going to die a bachelor who [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|buys prostitutes.]]

In his [[CWCipedia]] page devoted to her, Chris denies that Lovely Weather is not [[The Wallflower]] as a pseudonym. Given his [[Lies|past record of honesty]], the claim is doubtful at best.

==Chris and time travel==
[[Image:CWCtothefuture.jpg|260px|thumb|left|What he didn't mention is that he went back to 1955 and made out with [[Barbara|his mother]].]]

Chris is a hormone-addled goofball, so it's not likely that he has put any serious thought into the mechanics of time travel, its effects on causality, the wisdom of living one's life out of order, the morality of manipulating the progress of other people's lives, and so on. He simply sees the meeting with Lovely as a chance for his fictional avatar to get his rocks off. The implications that he has ignored are significant.

For instance, in the comic book, Chris now has direct knowledge of his personal future that will affect the decisions he makes as he progresses towards it - in fact, he takes time to set their "fated first date" before attacking [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent]]. Knowing that he will eventually marry Lovely might, paradoxically, incline him to make decisions that result in events that will change the course of his life. (Unless, of course, one subscribes to the belief that Chris's marriage with Lovely was preordained, and his time travel jaunt was already one piece of the puzzle that lead to it.)

Likewise, he has interfered with the future lives of both Lovely and himself. The future Chris may have been aware of his past-self's encounter with his wife, but he may also have some explaining to do if Lovely ever works out that he wasn't the one she happened to sleep with that time.

There's also the fact that having sex with someone under false pretenses is, if not outright rape, then something pretty unpleasant at the very least. Whatever it might say about Chris's understanding of causality, his encounter with Lovely speaks volumes about his understanding of sex and relationships. He's perfectly happy to screw first, then meet and get to know her later.

Listen closely, and you can hear H.G. Wells and William Hartnell spinning in their graves.

==Rape by deception?==
Chris meets with Lovely Weather when he travels to the future. Although (according to Chris) he marries Lovely Weather in the future, when Chris meets her she believes that he is the Chris of his time and has sex with him. Chris at no point explains the situation or seems uncomfortable having sex with a person he's both never met and who believes he is someone else. In the [[mailbag]]s, Chris explains that since she technically initiated the sex, [[Kacey Phone Call|despite being tricked about who it was]], it both wasn't rape and was morally right and just.

==Meg Griffin affair==

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], only pages after traveling to the future and raping Lovely Weather, Chris meets up with Meg Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'' fame. Chris asks her if Seth has permitted her to turn eighteen yet, but doesn't even wait for her to answer before making out<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_40 Chris and Meg]</ref> with her (with more presumably happening off-screen). [[Blanca|Once]] [[PandaHalo|again]], Chris cheats on his significant others, even completely fictional ones.

She later reveals herself to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, which doesn't at all change the part of this that readers are latching on to.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also:==
*[[List of Chris's sweethearts]]
*[[Chris and Sex]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler]]
*[[Chloe]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]][[Category:Sweethearts]][[Category:Characters]]

11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You

2012-10-05T17:03:54Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* Transcript */

"'''11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You'''" is a 6 [[November 2009]] video in which Solid Chris apologizes for behavior towards his sweetheart [[Kacey]]'s father with an emotional speech. It seems that the [[Father Call|discussion they had together previously over the phone]] didn't go very well. Chris also proclaims an undying, eternal love for Kacey, even though she's apparently only been his [[troll|girlfriend]] for a little over a week.

In an attempt to infuriate yet another rock group's fan-base, he used REO Speedwagon's 1984 power ballad [[KCWC_Top_10_Dedication_Special#Part_5:_.234|"I Can't Fight This Feeling"]] as background music, while he fakes emotion in a desperate bid to get [[Fuck quest|sex]]. The music drowns out his declarations of love for large portions of the video. Also, his [[medallion]] is missing, thus, his feelings are not TRUE and HONEST. Also, note that despite his whining, there are no actual tears, as Kacey [[Kacey and Liquid Call|later]] observes.

He occasionally refers to himself in the plural "us", or "we". One would think he might be talking about himself and Kacey, but the points he mentions are really only applicable to himself. This is possibly a renewed manifestation of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|split personalities]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JYrJh0zi52w}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{RedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[No More Jokes]]
| next = [[CWC is sad]]
}}
{{Quote|I stay sane most of the time.}}
=== Transcript ===
[''Dramatic [[glasses]] removal, background music starts playing'']

[[Kacey]], I'm sorry about the way I acted... on your father last night. Yeah, could of—yeah, I realize that I could have been more respectful, and said [''salutes''], "Yes, sir"... and just stick with that. And I realize now that, some of the things he talked to me about, told—talked down to me about, were like, yeah, definitely things I should be working on. And I promise, I will get an office job. And I will make efforts to move out of my house, even though I'll probably end up with this house, inheriting it.

But, anyway, [''closes eyes''] Kacey, I—I love you so much I care about you. You just ma-ma-make me feel so sad—make me feel so that... Phone call where... [''[[Stress sigh|Sighs]], then squints, as though starting to tear up.''] you—you went and said some of the things your father said. Those shots with words... made me cry. [''voice breaks''] I'm not afraid to cry in front of you. If I have tears I w—I... we—we have... shed them, and we shed them in front of you. It's... [[Duck|it's very hard....]] You just made me feel so sad that I cried. Made that phone call there.

Kacey I need you. I need you. I love you. You're the best thing in my—you're the best thing in my life. The best person that's ever come into my life. You know that more than I do. You cared about our health and well-being. And I cared about you that much, as well, but, you put more in—you gave me advice that I... heed—that I have thought—that I have heeded. And I am... taking the steps to wake up and get myself more stronger and healthier for you. But it's like, you know, if you—but then it's like, if you end up going back to the [[CChanSonichuCWC|other Chris]] and—[''sigh''] I don't know, it just feels like I would have done [[fuck quest|all that work for nothing]]. I need you Kacey. I care about you so much. I just can't fight the feeling. [''Sudden volume increase, sounds almost angry''] I love you! I love you! I need you.

Please don't leave me. Please don't be mad at me. I made mistakes. But I'm... but a [[List of Chris's lies|man admits when he is wrong]]. And I was wrong in the way I acted last night. I'm sorry I hurt—I was very very sorry I hurt your feelings.

I'd be very—I would feel terribly sad if you went back to—back to the other Chris. Please, don't leave me. [''Raises voice''] I love you! I love you! Kacey, I love you! Please don't—please come back. Don't leave me.

And you need—and you need me—and you need me, as well, because, I am an [[Honest Content|honest]] and [[Vanessa Saga|very loyal]] person. And, unlike that—unlike that other Chris, I don't [[Chris and anger|go all that crazy]]. I stay sane most of the time, and, even when I try to [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|act crazy]] [''Something resembling either a chuckle or a sob'']... that lame—those are pretty much lame attempts.

Anyway... anyway I, uh—you know me; I am very—[[I AM STRONG|I am strong]], and I am strong-willed. I would do whatever I could, in my [[power]], for you. Everything. It's my—my—everything I can, within my power. And I... and I will hold onto my promises, just all the other things came up, and—but—but I don't need excuses. It's not about excuses. I'm gonna uphold my promises, Kacey. And I don't want you to leave me, please. I love you. And I need you. I'll talk to you later, probably. I pray. [''Video abruptly ends'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[No More Jokes]]|nextlink=[[CWC is sad]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos‎}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-06]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-11-06]]

11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You

2012-10-05T17:02:44Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

"'''11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You'''" is a 6 [[November 2009]] video in which Solid Chris apologizes for behavior towards his sweetheart [[Kacey]]'s father with an emotional speech. It seems that the [[Father Call|discussion they had together previously over the phone]] didn't go very well. Chris also proclaims an undying, eternal love for Kacey, even though she's apparently only been his [[troll|girlfriend]] for a little over a week.

In an attempt to infuriate yet another rock group's fan-base, he used REO Speedwagon's 1984 power ballad [[KCWC_Top_10_Dedication_Special#Part_5:_.234|"I Can't Fight This Feeling"]] as background music, while he fakes emotion in a desperate bid to get [[Fuck quest|sex]]. The music drowns out his declarations of love for large portions of the video. Also, his [[medallion]] is missing, thus, his feelings are not TRUE and HONEST. Also, note that despite his whining, there are no actual tears, as Kacey [[Kacey and Liquid Call|later]] observes.

He occasionally refers to himself in the plural "us", or "we". One would think he might be talking about himself and Kacey, but the points he mentions are really only applicable to himself. This is possibly a renewed manifestation of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|split personalities]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JYrJh0zi52w}}
| stardate = 5 [[November 2009]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{RedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[No More Jokes]]
| next = [[CWC is sad]]
}}
{{Quote|I stay sane most of the time.}}
=== Transcript ===
[''Dramatic [[glasses]] removal, background music starts playing'']

[[Kacey]], I'm sorry about the way I acted... in front of your father last night. Yeah, could of—yeah, I realize that I could have been more respectful, and said [''salutes''], "Yes, sir"... and just stick with that. And I realize now that, some of the things he talked to me about, told—talked down to me about, were like, yeah, definitely things I should be working on. And I promise, I will get an office job. And I will make efforts to move out of my house, even though I'll probably end up with this house, inheriting it.

But, anyway, [''closes eyes''] Kacey, I—I love you so much I care about you. You just ma-ma-make me feel so sad—make me feel so that... Phone call where... [''[[Stress sigh|Sighs]], then squints, as though starting to tear up.''] you—you went and said some of the things your father said. Those shots with words... made me cry. [''voice breaks''] I'm not afraid to cry in front of you. If I have tears I w—I... we—we have... shed them, and we shed them in front of you. It's... [[Duck|it's very hard....]] You just made me feel so sad that I cried. Made that phone call there.

Kacey I need you. I need you. I love you. You're the best thing in my—you're the best thing in my life. The best person that's ever come into my life. You know that more than I do. You cared about our health and well-being. And I cared about you that much, as well, but, you put more in—you gave me advice that I... heed—that I have thought—that I have heeded. And I am... taking the steps to wake up and get myself more stronger and healthier for you. But it's like, you know, if you—but then it's like, if you end up going back to the [[CChanSonichuCWC|other Chris]] and—[''sigh''] I don't know, it just feels like I would have done [[fuck quest|all that work for nothing]]. I need you Kacey. I care about you so much. I just can't fight the feeling. [''Sudden volume increase, sounds almost angry''] I love you! I love you! I need you.

Please don't leave me. Please don't be mad at me. I made mistakes. But I'm... but a [[List of Chris's lies|man admits when he is wrong]]. And I was wrong in the way I acted last night. I'm sorry I hurt—I was very very sorry I hurt your feelings.

I'd be very—I would feel terribly sad if you went back to—back to the other Chris. Please, don't leave me. [''Raises voice''] I love you! I love you! Kacey, I love you! Please don't—please come back. Don't leave me.

And you need—and you need me—and you need me, as well, because, I am an [[Honest Content|honest]] and [[Vanessa Saga|very loyal]] person. And, unlike that—unlike that other Chris, I don't [[Chris and anger|go all that crazy]]. I stay sane most of the time, and, even when I try to [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|act crazy]] [''Something resembling either a chuckle or a sob'']... that lame—those are pretty much lame attempts.

Anyway... anyway I, uh—you know me; I am very—[[I AM STRONG|I am strong]], and I am strong-willed. I would do whatever I could, in my [[power]], for you. Everything. It's my—my—everything I can, within my power. And I... and I will hold onto my promises, just all the other things came up, and—but—but I don't need excuses. It's not about excuses. I'm gonna uphold my promises, Kacey. And I don't want you to leave me, please. I love you. And I need you. I'll talk to you later, probably. I pray. [''Video abruptly ends'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[No More Jokes]]|nextlink=[[CWC is sad]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos‎}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-06]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-11-06]]

Slow-in-the-minds

2012-10-05T16:58:20Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{Quote|I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional [sic]; it would be like looking through a Window to Hell to me.|Chris on other autistic people, [[IRC (17 December 2008)]]}}

[[Image:FavorDaStraights.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu]] is also a slow-in-the-mind]]

"'''Slow-in-the-minds'''" and "'''slow minded'''" are [[CWC-isms]] that refer to developmentally disabled, cognitively delayed, crazy, and/or generally unintelligent people. (Other than [[Chris]] himself, of course.) The term was first seen in [[Chris]]'s school project "[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]."

"Slow-in-the-minds" hits a fine trifecta of points. One, it displays Chris's arrogance, seeing as how it applies to so many classes of people, all of whom he considers "slower" than he. Two, it shows Chris's lip-service attention to fitting in to society, since it's a piss-poor euphemism on its own and even worse when used in a school project. Three, there's a delicious irony in Chris decrying students who are "slow in the mind", even though his own mental aptitude is dubious.

In a number of responses from the [[Mailbag]], Chris has explained that he finds the mentally challenged (especially those who also have physical [[duck|deformities]]) creepy, and likens them to zombies.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref> Chris's bigotry extends to his fellow [[Autism|autistics]] — he speaks in incredibly cruel and derisive terms about the various mental and physical problems that are thrust upon these innocent individuals, whereas he (as a self-proclaimed "[[Chris and his Ego|high-functioning]]" autistic) is pure and clean.

Despite that he seems to hardly consider low functioning autistics human, he often styles himself as a spokesperson for autism, making a stand against [[Asperger Syndrome]] in the non-existent conflict beetween autism and Aspergers. This delusion is made most apparent in the [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article on Aspergers]]. It has been suggested he says this to make himself look good and complain that he should be receiving the care and attention that those with Aspergers receive.

[[Image:Chris_and_Rule_34.jpg|thumb|Again.]]

==Uses by Chris==
Chris's use of this term has evolved over the years. Early on, he pointedly distinguished between the "slow-minded" and himself. In late 2009 and onward, however, he began referring to himself as "a little slow" or "sometimes slow," once he discovered he could use it as an excuse for his many failings.

*Chris's high-school assignment [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes the earliest known use of "slow-in-the-minds."
*[[Sub-Episode 6]], when exploring the ecology of the [[Jerkop]], notes that "slow-minded people" are susceptible to becoming Mary Lee Walsh's rent-a-cop slaves. (Chris adds that because he is, of course, not slow in the mind, he is immune to the "hypno-gun" that brainwashes the Jerkops.)
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]] features, among other things, Chris attempting to correct the "misconception" that he is a "slow-minded person."
*In a [[IRC (18 December 2008)|December 2008 IRC chat]], when asked to give an example of learning from his mistakes, Chris said, "when it was spelled out for me that a sign by my side made me look slow-minded, when clearly I am not."
*Chris mentions the same incident in a [[Chris_E-mails_2007#February|2007 e-mail]] to his old schoolteacher Virginia Sanford: "I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the 'R' Word."
*Conversing with his "fans" in [[Mumble 8]], Chris claimed, "For the record, I'm not- I'm not slow in the mind."
*While mocking a (legitimately mentally disabled) fan of his [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Naïve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|on YouTube]], Chris said, "You’re so [[naïve]] and slow in the mind."
*During the [[Father Call]], Chris says, "I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments."
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article]] on Asperger's syndrome, Chris admits that "my mentality is sometimes slow."
*While begging off from some of the difficult questions he faced in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]], Chris whines about how "Sometimes my mind's a little slow."
*In the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris referred to Virginia gubernatorial candidates [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]] and [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Creigh Deeds]] as being "not so swift."
*In [[Jackie Chat 8]], Chris admits that "I sometimes feel mentally slow."
*Likewise, in a July 2010 [[Jackie E-mails 3|e-mail to Jackie]], he says "I am sometimes mentally slow and don't get all of the details at once and such." This becomes a recurring theme in Chris's conversations with Jackie, as he repeatedly tries to use his "slow-mindedness" as an excuse. The [[Jackie E-mails 20|20th collection of e-mails]] has a few good examples.
*Talking about his high-school days in the [[Lars Call]], Chris says "Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before."

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Chris and hypocrisy]]
*[[Jackie Chat 9]], where Chris discusses his experiences on the short bus.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Slow-in-the-minds

2012-10-05T16:54:21Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

{{Quote|I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional [sic]; it would be like looking through a Window to Hell to me.|Chris on other autistic people, [[IRC (17 December 2008)]]}}

[[Image:FavorDaStraights.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu]] is also a slow-in-the-mind]]

"'''Slow-in-the-minds'''" and "'''slow minded'''" are [[CWC-isms]] that refer to developmentally disabled, cognitively delayed, crazy, and/or generally unintelligent people. (Other than [[Chris]] himself, of course.) The term was first seen in [[Chris]]'s school project "[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]."

"Slow-in-the-minds" hits a fine trifecta of points. One, it displays Chris's arrogance, seeing as how it applies to so many classes of people, all of whom he considers "slower" than he. Two, it shows Chris's lip-service attention to fitting in to society, since it's a piss-poor euphemism on its own and even worse when used in a school project. Three, there's a delicious irony in Chris decrying students who are "slow in the mind", even though his own mental aptitude is dubious.

In a number of responses from the [[Mailbag]], Chris has explained that he finds the mentally challenged (especially those who also have physical [[duck|deformities]]) creepy, and likens them to zombies.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref> Chris's bigotry extends to his fellow [[Autism|autistics]] — he speaks in incredibly cruel and derisive terms about the various mental and physical problems that are thrust upon these innocent individuals, whereas he (as a self-proclaimed "[[Chris and his Ego|high-functioning]]" autistic) is [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|pure and clean]].

Despite that he seems to hardly consider low functioning autistics human, he often styles himself as a spokesperson for autism, making a stand against Aspergers Syndrome in the non-existent conflict beetween autism and Aspergers. However, he may state that merely to make himself look good and complain that he should be receiving the care and attention that those with Aspergers receive. Because of this, it still comes off as another reason why he is generally regarded, even by those who share his conditions, as a vulgar embarrassment to those in the Autism Spectrum.

[[Image:Chris_and_Rule_34.jpg|thumb|Again.]]

==Uses by Chris==
Chris's use of this term has evolved over the years. Early on, he pointedly distinguished between the "slow-minded" and himself. In late 2009 and onward, however, he began referring to himself as "a little slow" or "sometimes slow," once he discovered he could use it as an excuse for his many failings.

*Chris's high-school assignment [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes the earliest known use of "slow-in-the-minds."
*[[Sub-Episode 6]], when exploring the ecology of the [[Jerkop]], notes that "slow-minded people" are susceptible to becoming Mary Lee Walsh's rent-a-cop slaves. (Chris adds that because he is, of course, not slow in the mind, he is immune to the "hypno-gun" that brainwashes the Jerkops.)
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]] features, among other things, Chris attempting to correct the "misconception" that he is a "slow-minded person."
*In a [[IRC (18 December 2008)|December 2008 IRC chat]], when asked to give an example of learning from his mistakes, Chris said, "when it was spelled out for me that a sign by my side made me look slow-minded, when clearly I am not."
*Chris mentions the same incident in a [[Chris_E-mails_2007#February|2007 e-mail]] to his old schoolteacher Virginia Sanford: "I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the 'R' Word."
*Conversing with his "fans" in [[Mumble 8]], Chris claimed, "For the record, I'm not- I'm not slow in the mind."
*While mocking a (legitimately mentally disabled) fan of his [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Naïve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|on YouTube]], Chris said, "You’re so [[naïve]] and slow in the mind."
*During the [[Father Call]], Chris says, "I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments."
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article]] on Asperger's syndrome, Chris admits that "my mentality is sometimes slow."
*While begging off from some of the difficult questions he faced in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]], Chris whines about how "Sometimes my mind's a little slow."
*In the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris referred to Virginia gubernatorial candidates [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]] and [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Creigh Deeds]] as being "not so swift."
*In [[Jackie Chat 8]], Chris admits that "I sometimes feel mentally slow."
*Likewise, in a July 2010 [[Jackie E-mails 3|e-mail to Jackie]], he says "I am sometimes mentally slow and don't get all of the details at once and such." This becomes a recurring theme in Chris's conversations with Jackie, as he repeatedly tries to use his "slow-mindedness" as an excuse. The [[Jackie E-mails 20|20th collection of e-mails]] has a few good examples.
*Talking about his high-school days in the [[Lars Call]], Chris says "Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before."

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Chris and hypocrisy]]
*[[Jackie Chat 9]], where Chris discusses his experiences on the short bus.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Matthew Nobles call

2012-10-04T12:22:13Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[File:127539439799.jpg|thumb|Soon at a GAMe PLACe near you]]

On 10 [[August 2010]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], posing as Matthew Noble, a [[GAMe PLACe]] employee, called [[Bob Chandler]] and discussed [[Chris's]] encounter with [[Michael Snyder]] in [[June 2010]].

The phone call is enlightening as it reveals a number of things concerning Bob and his views of Chris and those he talks to. These include that he never knew of the trespassing incident in June and that, for some unknown reason, he believes Chris's trolling incidents are a conspiracy based in the GAMe PLACe, with the help of [[Megan Schroeder]] and some kids he "thinks were [[homos|gay]]" (probably Eric and Tito<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>). He also reveals that Chris has been having some [[Best Buy|credit card troubles]] and is blaming the vast [[100 2178|Greene County conspiracy]] to cover his own ass.

The call put Bob in a less sympathetic light in the eyes of most trolls as he's revealed to be just as delusional as his son.

==Transcript==
'''Bob:''' Hello? 
'''Matthew:''' Uh, hello, is this Robert Chandler? 
'''Bob:''' Yes? 
'''Matthew:''' Hello? 
'''Bob:''' Who is this? 
'''Matthew:''' Hi, hi, Mr. Chandler. Hi, my name is, uh, Matthew Nobles, I think you just tried to call me back, I left you a message? 
'''Bob:''' Y-yes, what-what's your problem? 
'''Matthew:''' Well um, actually um I wanted to talk to you about something. Um, I'm an employee at [[the GAMe PLACe]]. Uh, I apologize for calling you so long after [[6 June 2010|the incident]] occurred but, uh, given your son's continued harassment of our store I felt we needed to speak to you- 
'''Bob:''' The uh- the gaming place now? Uhh... 
'''Matthew:''' The GAMe PLACe. 
'''Bob:''' This place down town? By the [[Wikipedia:Omni Hotels & Resorts|Omni]]? 
'''Matthew:''' Correct. Correct. 
'''Bob:''' OK... OK... Now what's- What's- 
'''Matthew:''' Well- 
'''Bob:''' What's the problem? 
'''Matthew:''' Well um, I'm sure you're aware of uh, the little incident your son, ah, Christian had when he came to our store, um, early in June. Um- 
'''Bob:''' I didn't know he had been to your store [[6 June 2010|early in June.]] 
'''Matthew:''' When he attempted to ge- 
'''Bob:''' I knew he- 
'''Matthew:''' Oh, you were unaware of- 
'''Bob:''' He- I knew he, uh, had some, a lot of problems with you people several years ago. [''Matthew attempts to answer, Bob continues over him''] 
'''Matthew''' [Interrupted]: Well, uh, what happened was- 
'''Bob''' [''continuing'']: When you basically kicked him out and everything else for no reason of his own. 
'''Barb:''' [''In the background'']: And his mother. 
'''Bob:''' And his mother. And exfverybody else. I don’t really like your place, now what’s it gon- I didn't know he'd been there in June. Now tell me about this. 
'''Matthew:''' Well, basically what happened was he came in, he wanted to talk to our manager, [[Mike]], about getting himself unbanned. Um, Mike refused to speak with him about the matter. 
'''Bob:''' Well, I think that's the Mike that threw him out. Mike's been [[Kick the autistic|persecuting him for years]] and I don't like Mike. I'd like to speak to the owner of the place I think lives up here, up the road from me. In [[Wikipedia:Madison, Virginia|Madison]] or somewhere. This whole thing is a setup from the very beginning with my son. Now I don- didn't like it then and I still don't like it. Now what happened in June? 
'''Barb:''' [''interrupts''] Bob? 
'''Matthew''' [''interrupted several times'']: Well, sir, the point is that- Sir, I... sir. Well after he left, uh, when he couldn't get himself unbanned, he came back several days later and was taking pictures of people in the store- 
'''Bob:''' [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|Well that's not illegal!]] 
'''Matthew:''' Um, one of the patrons... He... Some people felt that he was threatening them, to be honest. One woman said that he was taking [[Pedofork|pictures of her son]]. I don't know if that's true or not, but uh, Mike was there and he became angry and called the [[Jerkops|police]] because your son was trespassing 
'''Bob:''' Well he hadn't told them he- didn't come in there, it's a business place. Now, Mike, and Megan are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were [[Homos|gay]], to persecute and torment Christian for years. Ok, I don't like Mike. I would like to talk to the owner of the store. I could really tell him about the people he employs there. Ok, I could tell him a lot. 
'''Barb''' [''in the background'']: Megan lied. 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... Well, regardless of that sir, I don't know about any of that all I know is that your son was banned from the store and he trespassed 
'''Bob''' [''Talking over Matthew'']: Well regardless of that, that all figures within to this stuff. That all figures into this stuff. It certainly shouldn't and what should- It certainly should- 
'''Matthew:''' Well that certainly- But I just called to- Sir I called to inform you- I called to inform you that even though the police came and made your son sign a trespassing notice that he continued to harass our store online. That's what I called to inform you of. 
'''Bob:''' Well he probably- People are harassing him from all over the world! Let me tell you something fella, you know what some damn crazy fools that I think started at your store with Megan, and Mike, and two or three more. You know what they just did a week ago? They just broke into his [[Money|checking account]], got his checking account numbers and routing numbers they- they broke into his [[Best Buy]] Mastercard number, and they stole his ID, and- and all of his uh... Password information they went into that Best Buy checking account, trying to ruin his credit, and made a payoff on a check that had no funds in the checking account. Which got him a whole bunch uh- of of non-sufficient fund fees. Now this all transpired a week ago. Now I'm not going to listen to your petty stuff, OK? You have people including Mike, and I can tell you two [[Lucas|more]] [[Mimms|names]], but I can't think of 'em right now but the third one is Megan. And I'm sure you've heard of Megan or know Megan, right there in the store. 
'''Matthew:''' I've heard about Megan. Sir, I don't understand why you're not concerned about your son trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' They're the people that are terrorizing Christian! They're the people that are [[Twin_Falling_Towers|terrorizing]] Christian! Ok? 
'''Matthew:''' This really has nothing to do with the GAMe PLACe, sir. I just called to inform you about your son trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' It has something to do with the GAMe PLACe because that's the pla- Well you're from the GAMe PLACe, right? 
'''Matthew:''' Sir, the GAMe PLACe didn't break into his bank accounts. I don't know why you're telling me about this. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we think that people that come to your place do, including one of your employees named [[Manajerk|Mike]]. 
'''Matthew:''' Well, we don't control all of our customers. 
'''Bob:''' Including one of your employees named Mike. Now, if you would like to have me talk to your owner I would be glad to- and my wife would be glad to go to a meeting with him about your place and how it's [[Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|corrupting]] the whole neighborhood! 
'''Matthew:''' I kind of doubt that Mike himself is the guy that broke into your son's account. I kind of doubt that, sir. I just called to inform you that your son trespassed. Sir, your son was banned from the store and he came back and told me to- 
'''Bob:''' No but he and Megan and that group- Fine! [[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible Reconciliation|Send us a letter!]] Send us a letter! Send me a letter, sir! Ok? I don't know who you are. Do you work for the store? 
'''Matthew:''' Well I know tha- I overheard that the police, when he was talking to the police I overheard him say that he was very adamant that he didn't want you to be told about this. He wanted his- said something about his [[Rocky|counselor]]. 
'''Bob:''' Well- Do you work for the store? 
'''Matthew:''' Yes I do sir. 
'''Bob:''' Do you work for the store? Can you answer the question? 
'''Matthew:''' I just said that I do, sir. 
'''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? 
'''Matthew:''' W-What question sir? I missed your question, sir. 
'''Bob:''' Do you work for the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I just answered that, sir. 
'''Bob:''' No you didn't. Do you work for the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I said, "Yes I do, sir." I answered that three times in a row. 
'''Bob:''' Ok, what is your position at the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I'm an employee of theirs, sir. I'm a supervisor. 
'''Bob:''' You're a supervisor. Now what does that exactly mean? That mean you're a shift manager? 
'''Matthew:''' ...Yes. 
'''Bob:''' Yes, ok. Now, will you tell me the owner's name, or do I have to subpoena it? 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... Sigh... look, I'm- honestly, I'm getting a little tired of this, sir. I'm just calling to inform your son trespassed and he's gonna [[Diary#July_2005|get arrested]] 
'''Bob:''' Well, sir, I'm getting a little tired of your place. Ok? I don't want to be harassed by your place. 
'''Matthew:''' Fair enough. We don’t like your son harassing us. 
'''Bob:''' You left me a pretty threatening message on the thing to start with. On my telephone. 
'''Matthew:''' What? Sir, I left a message saying I had a sensitive matter to discuss with you. How is that threatening? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, but it was your tone of voice and attitude. 
'''Matthew:''' Sir, I didn't have an attitude. I was perfectly polite. 
'''Bob:''' Oh, no. No, no you weren't. 
'''Barb:''' Get his name. 
'''Matthew:''' I don't know how to disagree with that, sir. 
'''Bob:''' How do you spell your last name? How do you spell your last name? 
'''Matthew:''' Nobles. N-O- Sir. This isn't threatening. I feel that it was irresponsible of us not to inform Christian's parents. That’s why I called. To inform you about his trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' Well... Just wait a minute now. 
'''Matthew:''' He wanted us to talk to his counselor instead. 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause when was he told- N-O-B-E-L or N-O-B-L-E? 
'''Matthew:''' I wasn't there the initial time years ago when he was banned, sir. All I know is he was there when um- 
'''Bob:''' Is it N-O-B-E-L or N-O-B-L-E? 
[''pause''] 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... 
'''Bob:''' Sir! How do you spell your last name? 
'''Matthew:''' I'm- I really don't feel like answering these questions, sir. You're giving me the third degree for no- 
'''Bob:''' You can- you can answer a simple question. Well you- You told me your name, now how do you spell it? 
'''Matthew:''' You've been yelling at me this entire time, sir. I don't feel like, frankly giving you my name- 
'''Bob:''' Just spell your name and I won't yell at you! 
'''Barb:''' You were not yelling! [Inaudible] 
'''Matthew:''' That’s a rather... silly... requirement, sir. 
'''Barb:''' He's not yelling at you! 
'''Matthew:''' I'm just trying to talk- 
'''Barb:''' Spell your last name! 
'''Matthew:''' He has been yel- 
'''Barb:''' Spell your last name! Hey! Who're you? 
'''Matthew:''' [Sigh] I've already given my name. I'm- 
'''Barb:''' You have not! What is your first name? 
'''Bob:''' Noble is his last name. I don't know how you spell it. 
'''Barb:''' Ma- Matthew Noble. N-O-B-E-L. What's your phone number? [''REDACTED''] That's a weird number. OK now, what is it you want? 'Cause it sounds like eh- You're- You're lookin' to try to uh- uhm- uh- Harass us and get something out of us. And we don't want nothing to do with you. [''Bob says "like that again" and "GAMe PLACe" loudly in background, possibly yelling at Chris''] 'Cause you- Just because you- I don't know wha- if you work at the GAMe PLACe or not. I can't see you, I'm not down there. And yo- 
[Cuts off abruptly] 

==References==

<references/>
==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?0qocazgbb2qbp7m Audio download]
*[http://db.tt/v8hHqr9C Audio Mirror (streamable in browsers that support the OGG format)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jW_zAAKBxw YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Matthew Nobles call

2012-10-04T12:21:53Z

CWCisSupremeLord:

[[File:127539439799.jpg|thumb|Soon at a GAMe PLACe near you]]

On 10 [[August 2010]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], posing as Matthew Noble, a [[GAMe PLACe]] employee, called [[Bob Chandler]] and discussed [[Chris's]] encounter with [[Michael Snyder]] in [[June 2010]].

The phone call is enlightening as it reveals a number of things concerning Bob and his views of Chris and those he talks to. These include that he never knew of the trespassing incident in June and that, for some unknown reason, he believes Chris's trolling incidents are a conspiracy based in the GAMe PLACe, with the help of [[Megan Schroeder]] some kids he "thinks were [[homos|gay]]" (probably Eric and Tito<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>). He also reveals that Chris has been having some [[Best Buy|credit card troubles]] and is blaming the vast [[100 2178|Greene County conspiracy]] to cover his own ass.

The call put Bob in a less sympathetic light in the eyes of most trolls as he's revealed to be just as delusional as his son.

==Transcript==
'''Bob:''' Hello? 
'''Matthew:''' Uh, hello, is this Robert Chandler? 
'''Bob:''' Yes? 
'''Matthew:''' Hello? 
'''Bob:''' Who is this? 
'''Matthew:''' Hi, hi, Mr. Chandler. Hi, my name is, uh, Matthew Nobles, I think you just tried to call me back, I left you a message? 
'''Bob:''' Y-yes, what-what's your problem? 
'''Matthew:''' Well um, actually um I wanted to talk to you about something. Um, I'm an employee at [[the GAMe PLACe]]. Uh, I apologize for calling you so long after [[6 June 2010|the incident]] occurred but, uh, given your son's continued harassment of our store I felt we needed to speak to you- 
'''Bob:''' The uh- the gaming place now? Uhh... 
'''Matthew:''' The GAMe PLACe. 
'''Bob:''' This place down town? By the [[Wikipedia:Omni Hotels & Resorts|Omni]]? 
'''Matthew:''' Correct. Correct. 
'''Bob:''' OK... OK... Now what's- What's- 
'''Matthew:''' Well- 
'''Bob:''' What's the problem? 
'''Matthew:''' Well um, I'm sure you're aware of uh, the little incident your son, ah, Christian had when he came to our store, um, early in June. Um- 
'''Bob:''' I didn't know he had been to your store [[6 June 2010|early in June.]] 
'''Matthew:''' When he attempted to ge- 
'''Bob:''' I knew he- 
'''Matthew:''' Oh, you were unaware of- 
'''Bob:''' He- I knew he, uh, had some, a lot of problems with you people several years ago. [''Matthew attempts to answer, Bob continues over him''] 
'''Matthew''' [Interrupted]: Well, uh, what happened was- 
'''Bob''' [''continuing'']: When you basically kicked him out and everything else for no reason of his own. 
'''Barb:''' [''In the background'']: And his mother. 
'''Bob:''' And his mother. And exfverybody else. I don’t really like your place, now what’s it gon- I didn't know he'd been there in June. Now tell me about this. 
'''Matthew:''' Well, basically what happened was he came in, he wanted to talk to our manager, [[Mike]], about getting himself unbanned. Um, Mike refused to speak with him about the matter. 
'''Bob:''' Well, I think that's the Mike that threw him out. Mike's been [[Kick the autistic|persecuting him for years]] and I don't like Mike. I'd like to speak to the owner of the place I think lives up here, up the road from me. In [[Wikipedia:Madison, Virginia|Madison]] or somewhere. This whole thing is a setup from the very beginning with my son. Now I don- didn't like it then and I still don't like it. Now what happened in June? 
'''Barb:''' [''interrupts''] Bob? 
'''Matthew''' [''interrupted several times'']: Well, sir, the point is that- Sir, I... sir. Well after he left, uh, when he couldn't get himself unbanned, he came back several days later and was taking pictures of people in the store- 
'''Bob:''' [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|Well that's not illegal!]] 
'''Matthew:''' Um, one of the patrons... He... Some people felt that he was threatening them, to be honest. One woman said that he was taking [[Pedofork|pictures of her son]]. I don't know if that's true or not, but uh, Mike was there and he became angry and called the [[Jerkops|police]] because your son was trespassing 
'''Bob:''' Well he hadn't told them he- didn't come in there, it's a business place. Now, Mike, and Megan are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were [[Homos|gay]], to persecute and torment Christian for years. Ok, I don't like Mike. I would like to talk to the owner of the store. I could really tell him about the people he employs there. Ok, I could tell him a lot. 
'''Barb''' [''in the background'']: Megan lied. 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... Well, regardless of that sir, I don't know about any of that all I know is that your son was banned from the store and he trespassed 
'''Bob''' [''Talking over Matthew'']: Well regardless of that, that all figures within to this stuff. That all figures into this stuff. It certainly shouldn't and what should- It certainly should- 
'''Matthew:''' Well that certainly- But I just called to- Sir I called to inform you- I called to inform you that even though the police came and made your son sign a trespassing notice that he continued to harass our store online. That's what I called to inform you of. 
'''Bob:''' Well he probably- People are harassing him from all over the world! Let me tell you something fella, you know what some damn crazy fools that I think started at your store with Megan, and Mike, and two or three more. You know what they just did a week ago? They just broke into his [[Money|checking account]], got his checking account numbers and routing numbers they- they broke into his [[Best Buy]] Mastercard number, and they stole his ID, and- and all of his uh... Password information they went into that Best Buy checking account, trying to ruin his credit, and made a payoff on a check that had no funds in the checking account. Which got him a whole bunch uh- of of non-sufficient fund fees. Now this all transpired a week ago. Now I'm not going to listen to your petty stuff, OK? You have people including Mike, and I can tell you two [[Lucas|more]] [[Mimms|names]], but I can't think of 'em right now but the third one is Megan. And I'm sure you've heard of Megan or know Megan, right there in the store. 
'''Matthew:''' I've heard about Megan. Sir, I don't understand why you're not concerned about your son trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' They're the people that are terrorizing Christian! They're the people that are [[Twin_Falling_Towers|terrorizing]] Christian! Ok? 
'''Matthew:''' This really has nothing to do with the GAMe PLACe, sir. I just called to inform you about your son trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' It has something to do with the GAMe PLACe because that's the pla- Well you're from the GAMe PLACe, right? 
'''Matthew:''' Sir, the GAMe PLACe didn't break into his bank accounts. I don't know why you're telling me about this. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we think that people that come to your place do, including one of your employees named [[Manajerk|Mike]]. 
'''Matthew:''' Well, we don't control all of our customers. 
'''Bob:''' Including one of your employees named Mike. Now, if you would like to have me talk to your owner I would be glad to- and my wife would be glad to go to a meeting with him about your place and how it's [[Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|corrupting]] the whole neighborhood! 
'''Matthew:''' I kind of doubt that Mike himself is the guy that broke into your son's account. I kind of doubt that, sir. I just called to inform you that your son trespassed. Sir, your son was banned from the store and he came back and told me to- 
'''Bob:''' No but he and Megan and that group- Fine! [[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible Reconciliation|Send us a letter!]] Send us a letter! Send me a letter, sir! Ok? I don't know who you are. Do you work for the store? 
'''Matthew:''' Well I know tha- I overheard that the police, when he was talking to the police I overheard him say that he was very adamant that he didn't want you to be told about this. He wanted his- said something about his [[Rocky|counselor]]. 
'''Bob:''' Well- Do you work for the store? 
'''Matthew:''' Yes I do sir. 
'''Bob:''' Do you work for the store? Can you answer the question? 
'''Matthew:''' I just said that I do, sir. 
'''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? 
'''Matthew:''' W-What question sir? I missed your question, sir. 
'''Bob:''' Do you work for the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I just answered that, sir. 
'''Bob:''' No you didn't. Do you work for the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I said, "Yes I do, sir." I answered that three times in a row. 
'''Bob:''' Ok, what is your position at the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I'm an employee of theirs, sir. I'm a supervisor. 
'''Bob:''' You're a supervisor. Now what does that exactly mean? That mean you're a shift manager? 
'''Matthew:''' ...Yes. 
'''Bob:''' Yes, ok. Now, will you tell me the owner's name, or do I have to subpoena it? 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... Sigh... look, I'm- honestly, I'm getting a little tired of this, sir. I'm just calling to inform your son trespassed and he's gonna [[Diary#July_2005|get arrested]] 
'''Bob:''' Well, sir, I'm getting a little tired of your place. Ok? I don't want to be harassed by your place. 
'''Matthew:''' Fair enough. We don’t like your son harassing us. 
'''Bob:''' You left me a pretty threatening message on the thing to start with. On my telephone. 
'''Matthew:''' What? Sir, I left a message saying I had a sensitive matter to discuss with you. How is that threatening? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, but it was your tone of voice and attitude. 
'''Matthew:''' Sir, I didn't have an attitude. I was perfectly polite. 
'''Bob:''' Oh, no. No, no you weren't. 
'''Barb:''' Get his name. 
'''Matthew:''' I don't know how to disagree with that, sir. 
'''Bob:''' How do you spell your last name? How do you spell your last name? 
'''Matthew:''' Nobles. N-O- Sir. This isn't threatening. I feel that it was irresponsible of us not to inform Christian's parents. That’s why I called. To inform you about his trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' Well... Just wait a minute now. 
'''Matthew:''' He wanted us to talk to his counselor instead. 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause when was he told- N-O-B-E-L or N-O-B-L-E? 
'''Matthew:''' I wasn't there the initial time years ago when he was banned, sir. All I know is he was there when um- 
'''Bob:''' Is it N-O-B-E-L or N-O-B-L-E? 
[''pause''] 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... 
'''Bob:''' Sir! How do you spell your last name? 
'''Matthew:''' I'm- I really don't feel like answering these questions, sir. You're giving me the third degree for no- 
'''Bob:''' You can- you can answer a simple question. Well you- You told me your name, now how do you spell it? 
'''Matthew:''' You've been yelling at me this entire time, sir. I don't feel like, frankly giving you my name- 
'''Bob:''' Just spell your name and I won't yell at you! 
'''Barb:''' You were not yelling! [Inaudible] 
'''Matthew:''' That’s a rather... silly... requirement, sir. 
'''Barb:''' He's not yelling at you! 
'''Matthew:''' I'm just trying to talk- 
'''Barb:''' Spell your last name! 
'''Matthew:''' He has been yel- 
'''Barb:''' Spell your last name! Hey! Who're you? 
'''Matthew:''' [Sigh] I've already given my name. I'm- 
'''Barb:''' You have not! What is your first name? 
'''Bob:''' Noble is his last name. I don't know how you spell it. 
'''Barb:''' Ma- Matthew Noble. N-O-B-E-L. What's your phone number? [''REDACTED''] That's a weird number. OK now, what is it you want? 'Cause it sounds like eh- You're- You're lookin' to try to uh- uhm- uh- Harass us and get something out of us. And we don't want nothing to do with you. [''Bob says "like that again" and "GAMe PLACe" loudly in background, possibly yelling at Chris''] 'Cause you- Just because you- I don't know wha- if you work at the GAMe PLACe or not. I can't see you, I'm not down there. And yo- 
[Cuts off abruptly] 

==References==

<references/>
==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?0qocazgbb2qbp7m Audio download]
*[http://db.tt/v8hHqr9C Audio Mirror (streamable in browsers that support the OGG format)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jW_zAAKBxw YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Get-Tar Region

2012-10-04T12:11:13Z

CWCisSupremeLord: Removing tons of unneccesary and redundant piping

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-mind]].

[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Charlottesville]] branch of Target]]

{{quotebox|"July 20, [[2005]]: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of sausages on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}

==Target incident according to Chris==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the '''Get-Tar Region'''" (which causes many newfags to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with their soda, drawing his shit [[comic]]s, and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].

{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl]] now. Especially since this [[Love Quest]] has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]], 5 years ago}}

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being an [[autistic]] [[virgin]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'').

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he essentially writes [[Barbara|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the [[jerkop]]s, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Targetincidentrendition.jpg|An artist's rendition of the target incident.
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound sausage in Chris
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]
==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

2012

2012-10-04T11:51:33Z

CWCisSupremeLord: /* May */

[[File:TomgirlMNR.png|thumb|Chris at thirty. ([[ModNation Racers|self-portrait]])]]
'''2012''' is the fourth year of organized [[trolling]] of the [[Internet]]'s favorite autistic manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Chris turned 30 years old this year.

So far, this year has not seen much activity online other than the occasional [[Facebook|Facebook post]], possibly due to [[Bob]]'s death and [[stress]] from Chris's run-in with the law. Chris was [[This is how the Trial went|actually punished]] [[28_October_2011|for something he did]], and must now see a licensed psychiatrist. He must also perform community service, the first time he has worked in over a decade.<ref>[[Wendy's]]</ref>

If either of them violate their [[28 October 2011|probation]], Chris and/or Barb will be spending some of this year in prison.

==January==
[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in January 2012]]

{{main|January 2012}}

January was a slow month but there were a few notable events:
*Both Chris and Barb had [[28 October 2011|another hearing]] which led to yet another continuance.
*Chris re-opened his [[Facebook]] account.

==February==
{{main|February 2012}}
[[Image:1328397527051.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in February, looking more like his mother every passing day.]]
*[[Alex's Lemonade Stand|Cwcville helps]]!
*Chris [[Chris's birthday|turns thirty]], to celebrate, [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] releases a grand number of [[Tomgirl]] videos aimed at [[Jackie]], who is apparently back in contact with Chris: [[The Red-Maned Deer]], [[Cakefarts]], [[Chris and Jackie's Date]]‎, [[You're Always Pretty]] (a wild [[Snorlax]] appears!), [[Little Tomboy Blue]]‎, [[Who's Your Brony?]], [[Forgot the Glitter]]‎, [[Teenage Dream]] and [[Cheerleader]].

==March ==
[[File:Chris cart.png|thumb|left|Chris in March, with his original character.]]
{{main|March 2012}}
Little occurred except a single [[Facebook]] public note, a few forum posts and another banhammer from [[Fashion Square Mall]].

==April==
{{main|April 2012}}

Chris and Barb faced [[28 October 2011|another hearing]]. On April 12 Chris posted a facebook message in which he claimed he lost [[Virgin_With_Rage|his virginity]].

==May==
{{main|May 2012}}
[[File:Chris FB Profile PIc (May 8th,2012).png|thumb|Chris in May 2012]]

Chris continues to [[Chris and his ego|gloat]] over his supposed victories over the trolls. On May 1st, he posts a facebook message saying the woman he supposedly lost his virginity to can be found "somewhere on the backpage", implying she was a prostitute. Also, another drawing of Chris and [[Jackie]] having sex is leaked, as is one of [[The Wallflower]]. Five [[November 2010]] and three [[March 2012]] pictures of Chris are also released.

==June==
{{main|June 2012}}
[[File:ChrisLemonadeStand.jpg|thumb|left|In June 2012, [[CWCville]] helped.]]
Chris opened a charity [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|lemonade stand]] in honour of [[Bob|his father]]. He also [[Twitter|tweeted]] and [[Facebook]]ed a lot.

==July==
[[File:Court-screenshot.png|thumb|Where the Chandlers faced justice in July 2012]]
''Main article: [[July 2012]]''

On the 10th, Chris and Barb were [[Wikipedia:Arraignment|arraigned]] for their felony charges.

==August==

''Main article: [[August 2012]]''

On the 1st, it was revealed that Chris got [[Clover and Snoopy|two new dogs]], and entered them into a contest. He didn't win, and it's left to be seen if he'll throw a [[Adam Stackhouse|tantrum over it.]]

==September==

''Main article: [[September 2012]]''

[[File:Tumbleweed.gif]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]