CWCki - User contributions [en]

Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas

2015-12-17T07:05:32Z

CaptainOHH: /* Transcription */

'''Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas''' was uploaded just a few hours after Chris's bizarre dance video on 15th December 2015. Here, Chris shows off his own version of the [[Christmas]] song "[[Wikipedia:The Twelve Days of Christmas (song)|The Twelve Days of Christmas]]" in which he <strike>babbles</strike> teaches us about transistor radios, how numbers are letters, jazzy hits, and something about a big fat hen. He also begs for more shekels.

Chris reprises his "[[I Got A Fish]]" song from [[2009]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|Enjoy. :)}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AR26rVSveO8}}
| stardate = 15 [[December 2015]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = [[Christmas]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = "Do What Makes You Happy" lilac shirt
| previous = [[A little song and dance]]
| next =
}}

==Transcription==

''(begins playing a Christmas song on his iPhone)''

Seasons greetings and happy holidays, everybody!

Christine Chandler here. And er, I've come bearing a... variation, a new variation, possibly new with a little bit of old. Depending on what you will interpret. A variation of a Christmas classic, "The Twelve Days of Christmas." But we'll skip the repetition and somebody else can put- the singing parts with the tune.

And so with that, errr, on with the list!

''(Horrible singing voice)'' On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me the instant classic the Japanese transistor radioooooh! ''(Pumps fist in a look of success)''

It was a nakashuma! Mark 4! That was the model that was discontinued it gave me a leather carrying case ''(very excited now)'' with holes in it so you can listen to it ''(Chris makes a gesture up to his ear as if he is holding the radio)'' and it gave me this little wire that had an end that, one end you stick in the ear and the other end you can't stick anywhere because, it's bent.

''(begins singing again)'' On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me the numerical alphabet. ''(Holds up a napkin with what looks like a number 2 written on it in sharpie)''

Alright, so, this is, it look like the number two! But guess what? That is a capital Q in cursive. 2 to Q! and the anonymous decision in my own mental head, two is officially a letter. And not only that, but, between the two and the five, you also get the "S" and "Z". And uh, skip to the round about in the alphabet, zero is an "O", one an "i", and the "L"...with the common link to number 7 that's also an L, but the number 7, with or without the cross, can still be the capital F! And the number three is the, uh, ''(singing)'' "E, M, N, W". ''(Thumbs up and a cheeky grin)'' And uh, shoot, four..four! four! is uh, "H" and a "Y" ''(Puts hand up as if he was waving)'' Hi! And also, like, the number six and nine, four, six, and nine, are "B", "D", "P", "Q". Ah, let's see four, five, six, seven, and number eight! It can only be, the letter, "B"! But also, ''(high pitched)'' infinity!

And then, with that nonsense out of the way, ''(begins singing)'' On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me freeee, freshhh, fishhhh. [[I Got A Fish|I've got a fish would you like to make a wish!]] You're gonna do-you got yourself a fish? Now order a new side dish! Make a wish!

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... or rather she reminded me that I have not forgotten!? Anything or anyone. ''(cheeky grin)''

And on the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me the jazzy hits from the good ole jumpin' jive era.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me the job of pickin' up... sticks!

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me born female, angelic women and ladies, of all races and religions and what-nock, make, lesbians, bi-sensuals, straight, the drag kings, and the transmales that have "not" have the operation change yet... whatsoever.

''(wipes sweat off his forehead)'' Sorry, dudes! ''(chuckles)''

And then on the eight day of Christmas my true love... gave to me a late train of thought. ''(puts hand on head)'' The mislabeling (?) of autism! Veooo make me forget. Pth.

And on the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a share of the platinum mine [[Wikipedia:Santa Baby|Santa baby]] gave to her last year.

And on tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten million yen and a big fat hen! Ten million yen and a big fat hen! Ten million yen and a big fat hen!

And on the eleventh day of Christmas a bling clock tower of London! Big Ben!

And on the twelth day of Christmas, although it may seem straaaange... on the twelfth day of christmas, I'm going to exchaaaange... twelve drummers stri-drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milkin, seven swans-a-swimmin', six geese laying, fiveee golden raaaaangs, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear ''(high pitched)'' treeeeeeeeeee!

''(clicks selfie remote button, doesn't work)'' I might have more...redone holiday hits in the next few days before Christmas of 2015, but that's still to be determined. Donations are still greatly appreciated and I still welcome more orders. Figures and everything, and up until Christmas day donations of one hundred dollars or greater get one additional figure of their own choice, though I can't guarantee before Christmas delivery. All donations are greatly d-appreciated, and I-but unfortunately I cannot offer gifts or donations be-less than ten dorrars, but the options are now there on my [[Etsy]] listing. And that's okay because not a lot of people are apparently able to find it. Or at least a few of them are unable to find it. D-it's got a big ol' blue background, double letter's-yellow letters, DONATION!

Thank you, have a good safe day, Merry Christmas.

==External links==
* [https://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShopping]
{{Music Videos}}

Clover and Snoopy

2015-12-13T23:44:41Z

CaptainOHH: /* Living conditions */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Clover and snoopy.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Clover and Snoopy
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| c. [[April 2012|April]]/[[May 2012]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female (Clover) Male (Snoopy)
|-
| '''Breed'''
| Beagle
|-
| '''Owners'''
| [[Barbara]] [[Chris]]
|-
|}
'''Clover and Snoopy''' (b. circa [[April 2012|April]]/[[May 2012]]<ref>According to their [http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?p=A&c=64810&s=22437342&i=1&sort=DESCENDING#SD entry], they were three months old when Chris entered them into the contest. Since registration to the contest began on 16 [[July 2012]] (see [http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Rules.aspx?contestid=64810 contest rules]), this would mean they were born on either April or May.</ref>) are the Chandlers' beagles. Chris and Barb bought them at a puppy mill in Fredricksburg on 13 [[May 2012]]. The idea of hoarding dogs was originally Barb's idea, and Chris eventually acquiesced. The CWC community learned of their existence on 1 [[August 2012]], when a link to an [http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?p=A&c=64810&s=22437342&i=1&sort=DESCENDING#SD entry of them] Chris submitted to a [[Chris and contests#Dog Days of Summer Photo Contest|local contest]] was posted on the [[CWCki Forums]]. The contest ended on August 12, and Chris didn't win.

According to one of Chris's [[Facebook]] posts, the dogs are siblings. Clover has a white mark on her snout, and Snoopy doesn't. Additionally, they each have an animal chew toy - Clover has a [[duck]], Snoopy a [[Megagi La Skunk|skunk]]. Snoopy has a green collar, and Clover, Chris's dog, naturally has a pink collar. Barb claimed in the [[Rental House Tour]] audio that the dogs were part fox, though this is incredibly unlikely -- no authenticated hybrids between domestic dogs and foxes exist.

Snoopy, who officially belongs to Barb, is unimaginatively named after the dog from ''[[Peanuts]]'', who was also a beagle.

The origin of Clover's name is unclear. It was initially believed to be derived from Patti-Chan's origin story in [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]], which featured a four-leaf clover by way of explanation. When Chris first introduced the dogs on Facebook, he posted the cryptic comment, "'Shine, little Clover, Glimmer, Glimmer.' :D." This would imply that Clover's name actually came from Chris mishearing the lyrics to Johnny Mercer's song "[[Wikipedia:The Glow-Worm|The Glow-Worm]]" (which he probably heard from [[Bob]]'s collection). The actual lyrics are: "Shine, little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer." However, to confuse the story even more, during his [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|date with Catherine]], Chris claimed that Clover was named after the character from the show ''[[My Little Pony]] Tales''.

== Living conditions==
On 6 [[August 2013]], Chris posted on [[Facebook#One_of_my_pups_just_peed|Facebook]] a picture of dog urine on a newspaper. It's assumed that since they're still using paper, the dogs are not going outside, and most likely not getting exercise. This has angered many pet owners.

{{quote| I have a strong feeling those dogs are [[Obesity|obese]], covered in fleas, and just sit around on a blanket all day and probably only get pet when Christian happens to look away from his [[PS3|vidya]] as they walk past him and he remembers "oh yeah, I have dogs" and gives them a quick pat on the rump. And I know for a fact they don't get bathed because the Chandlers can't even be fucked to bathe themselves, let alone their pets. And I'm also willing to bet they get fed the cheapest food the chandlers can buy.|A certain user from the CWCki Forums.}}

Sure enough, in [[December 2014]], a statement released by [[Catherine]] (who was invited to the Chandler's [[Rental House]] by Chris himself) confirmed that the dogs are not house-trained, are aggressive towards [[Trolls|strangers]], and, possibly due to a lack of exercise, are severely [[obese]]. This was especially seen in a series of photos released in [[November 2015]]. Also according to Catherine, the dogs are so poorly trained that Barb and Chris can't even leave them home alone, for fear of them "destroying the house." Given how Chris has demonstrated the same attitude towards [[Chandler Cats|his cats]], this isn't at all a surprise.

Chris has never once said that he is happy to have the dogs, referring to them on Facebook only as a burden of responsibility. On 29 [[November 2013]], he said that he doesn't love them.<ref>[[November 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris's life is a bleak wasteland. Happy Thanksgiving!]]</ref> In the [[Rental House Tour]], Chris is constantly cooing and babbling over them (while they bay deafeningly at Catherine), but this may have just been to impress Catherine, who claimed to love dogs.

The Chandlers' minivan has a bumper sticker which states "I Sleep With Dogs." The ASPCA haven't been notified.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Mikmmp.jpg|"Snoopy has a hat on his tush, and Clover is looking at the camera."
File:Dogs 1.jpg|Clover in a picture on [[Facebook]]
File:Dogs 2.jpg|Another Facebook picture, with Chris looking extremely fat.
File:Dogs 3.jpg|Clover again.
Image:Twitter20June201301.png|Clover and Snoopy in a picture on [[Twitter]] from 20 [[June 2013]].
File:ChrisPupsPeed.png|"One of my pups just peed, and look how it came out. Shaped like a girl."
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|[[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Snoopy.
File:DogsA.jpg|First in a series of old photos leaked in [[October 2015]].
File:DogsB.jpg|These were presumably taken in 2012.
File:DogsC.jpg|Chris posted this photo on his [[Manchester High School]] alumni site page.
File:DogsD.jpg
File:DogsE.jpg|Both dogs.
File:DogsF.jpg|Clover, based on the collar color.
File:DogsG.jpg
File:DogsH.jpg
File:DogsI.jpg
File:DogsJ.jpg|Very obese.
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references />

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Template:Quote of the now

2015-11-22T05:49:34Z

CaptainOHH:

{{quote|So here's the deal, [[troll|Francine]]: you cut me in on at-, on about half of that, half of what you have made, from my name, and my imagery, and whatnot, or otherwise shut-shush on my store down. Shut it down. Because I have all the details abo-, about you, pretty [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|lady-man]].
|Don Chandler [[Chris and negotiation|makes a business deal.]]
}}
<noinclude>

{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It consists simply of a recent or topical quote from [[Chris]], or in rare cases non-Chris people. When editing the quote, ensure it is as accurate as possible, the exact source is referenced, and use links appropriately. '''Be sure to cite where this quote comes from, include a link if applicable.''' Also, this is a wiki - '''PLEASE WIKIFY''' (i.e. add links to other articles) when possible. Finally, don't add commentary to citation part - let Chris's words do the talking.}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

November 2015

2015-11-15T21:37:04Z

CaptainOHH:

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:CWCnov15.jpg|thumb|Chris in November.]]

[[File:S&rchuparis.jpg|thumb|The post in question.]]

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]].

It can be argued that, with the events in this month, that Chris is slipping back into his old habits. Among other things, he has created new videos asking for dates, tries to guilt-trip his half siblings, and has showed a bit too much of his fondness for toys. Of course, given that those are the two biggest factors, only time will tell.

==Events==
* 1 November - Chris uploads to [[YouTube]] one of the creepiest [[videos]] since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began, "[[HelloLadyFans]]."
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]]: "Pre-2011 Christian Weston Chandler," "Post-2011 Christine Weston Chandler," and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on [[Facebook]], and adds a photo request both there and on YouTube.
* 10 November - A plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[Minor_Family_Members#David_Chandler| David Alan Chandler]], and [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] to "remember" his family, "Family Needs to appreciate Family", is uploaded to Youtube. He makes a request for them to contact Barb "before her time runs out".
* 10 November - Chris makes three custom [[Jerkop]] amiibos that resemble the three family members above. They are uploaded to Facebook and are tagged with their names.
* 11 November - Chris uploads "Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!" to YouTube. He films himself playing with his Amiibos. He also provides a link on Facebook, advertising his Amiibos.
* 11 November - A picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] dating back to [[June 2015|June]] found on Bing Maps is leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 12 November - "[[Donation Options Reviewed.]]" is uploaded to Youtube. This is one of his longest videos, where he explains the functions of his amiibos.
* 15 November - Chris makes a post on Facebook about the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, comparing them to battles between heroes and villains in cartoons. The post in question is also a shining example of how no matter what happens, Chris simply can't resist putting Sonichu and Rosechu into everything he does.
* 26 November - Thanksgiving Day.

{{Timeline}}

File:S&rchuparis.jpg

2015-11-15T21:35:36Z

CaptainOHH: 15 November Facebook post

15 November Facebook post

November 2015

2015-11-15T21:29:43Z

CaptainOHH: /* Events */

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:CWCnov15.jpg|thumb|Chris in November.]]

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]].

It can be argued that, with the events in this month, that Chris is slipping back into his old habits. Among other things, he has created new videos asking for dates, tries to guilt-trip his half siblings, and has showed a bit too much of his fondness for toys. Of course, given that those are the two biggest factors, only time will tell.

==Events==
* 1 November - Chris uploads to [[YouTube]] one of the creepiest [[videos]] since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began, "[[HelloLadyFans]]."
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]]: "Pre-2011 Christian Weston Chandler," "Post-2011 Christine Weston Chandler," and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on [[Facebook]], and adds a photo request both there and on YouTube.
* 10 November - A plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[Minor_Family_Members#David_Chandler| David Alan Chandler]], and [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] to "remember" his family, "Family Needs to appreciate Family", is uploaded to Youtube. He makes a request for them to contact Barb "before her time runs out".
* 10 November - Chris makes three custom [[Jerkop]] amiibos that resemble the three family members above. They are uploaded to Facebook and are tagged with their names.
* 11 November - Chris uploads "Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!" to YouTube. He films himself playing with his Amiibos. He also provides a link on Facebook, advertising his Amiibos.
* 11 November - A picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] dating back to [[June 2015|June]] found on Bing Maps is leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 12 November - "[[Donation Options Reviewed.]]" is uploaded to Youtube. This is one of his longest videos, where he explains the functions of his amiibos.
* 15 November - Chris makes a post on Facebook about the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, comparing them to battles between heroes and villains in cartoons. The post in question is also a shining example of how no matter what happens, Chris simply can't resist putting Sonichu and Rosechu into everything he does.
* 26 November - Thanksgiving Day.

{{Timeline}}

November 2015

2015-11-15T21:28:42Z

CaptainOHH: /* Events */

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:CWCnov15.jpg|thumb|Chris in November.]]

'''November''' is the 11th month of '''[[2015]]'''. It's the first full-month following the start of [[Chris|Chris's]] [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|probation]].

It can be argued that, with the events in this month, that Chris is slipping back into his old habits. Among other things, he has created new videos asking for dates, tries to guilt-trip his half siblings, and has showed a bit too much of his fondness for toys. Of course, given that those are the two biggest factors, only time will tell.

==Events==
* 1 November - Chris uploads to [[YouTube]] one of the creepiest [[videos]] since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began, "[[HelloLadyFans]]."
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]]: "Pre-2011 Christian Weston Chandler," "Post-2011 Christine Weston Chandler," and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on [[Facebook]], and adds a photo request both there and on YouTube.
* 10 November - A plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[Minor_Family_Members#David_Chandler| David Alan Chandler]], and [[Minor_Family_Members#Carol_Chandler|Carol Chandler]] to "remember" his family, "Family Needs to appreciate Family", is uploaded to Youtube. He makes a request for them to contact Barb "before her time runs out".
* 10 November - Chris makes three custom [[Jerkop]] amiibos that resemble the three family members above. They are uploaded to Facebook and are tagged with their names.
* 11 November - Chris uploads "Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!" to YouTube. He films himself playing with his Amiibos. He also provides a link on Facebook, advertising his Amiibos.
* 11 November - A picture of [[14 Branchland Court]] dating back to [[June 2015|June]] found on Bing Maps is leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 12 November - "[[Donation Options Reviewed.]]" is uploaded to Youtube. This is one of his longest videos, where he explains the functions of his amiibos.
* 15 November - Chris makes a post on Facebook about the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, comparing them to battles between god and evil in cartoons. The post in question is also a shining example of how no matter what happens, Chris simply can't resist putting Sonichu and Rosechu into everything he does.
* 26 November - Thanksgiving Day.

{{Timeline}}

Template:Da update

2015-11-15T21:25:19Z

CaptainOHH:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>

* 15 [[November 2015|November]] - Chris, in yet another display of [[Twin Falling Towers|benevolent empathy]], compares the 13 November attacks on Paris to "cartoon battles" and Sonichu.
* 12 [[November 2015|November]] - Chris posts [[Donation Options Reviewed.|his longest video yet]], where he reveals a lucrative chain of rewards for those who invest in his ''Sonichu'' comics and merchandise through donation.
* 7 [[November 2015|November]] - Chris gives a [[Facebook]] review of [[Wikipedia:The Peanuts Movie|''The Peanuts Movie'']].
* 6 November - Chris watches the new [[Things Chris has ripped off#Peanuts|Peanuts]] film.
* 3 November - Chris provides a link to his [[HelloLadyFans|new video]] on Facebook and adds a photo request.
* 2 November - Chris offers a three-piece set of his self-insert [[Amiibo]] on [[Etsy]].
* 1 November - Chris uploads a [[HelloLadyFans|video]] to [[YouTube]] requesting his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]'s [[china]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Sonichu 11

2015-10-31T14:14:13Z

CaptainOHH: /* A Sonichu Christmas */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 39 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}
'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever. On 4 [[September 2015]], however, Chris managed to crawl back from his long dark night of abuse at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future.

The glorious resurrection of this comic in September 2015 was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. Money would go towards production of ''Sonichu'' #11, with a single character drawing offered to each person who donates, almost like a poor man's [[Wikipedia:Patreon|Patreon]]. So far, only a few new pages have been added, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, sexualisation of underage characters, walls of text and blatant racism - are present and accounted for.

==A Sonichu Christmas==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching saga of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs' hellish offspring partaking in various boring Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]], which has the unfortunate effect of making it seem like Christine has been raped or molested. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|holiday classic]]. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how [[GodJesus]] will reward the humble and [[Chris and his ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.

Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries, and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]"and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good mornint." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up their chimney like Santa Claus. Outside, he uses his super speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom (because Chris thinks women spend all their time waiting to be directed by men), Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches TV]] and Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah plays a game with Kevin the Jew. She chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game and Cerah contacts [[Magi-Chan]] to discuss her angsty attraction to Kevin, despite the fact that she's [[Pedofork|supposed to be a toddler]]. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home provided by the city of CWCville, they call her a cab to a soup kitchen. Robbie announces that he feels embarrassed by his enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake remarks apropos of nothing that he is NOT RACIST before [[Chris and Hypocrisy|expressing furious rage]] at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A retroactive flashback informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was only mentioned in this exact scene. She is reunited with Wild, her (for all intents and purposes identical) daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smart phone and explains that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion (sic)". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for [[Audiobooks|he indeed rocks]]. (No word on what Evan was doing on Christmas, so one can assume he got jack shit.) Sandy finishes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina (who may or may not have her own family) off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. An author's note helpfully points out that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids.

Up on the mountains, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange flat statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan suggests, [[Chris and Writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]] they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to literally destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo, and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (which we can see is the church altar, and treating it as a dining table is a bit of a no-no in Catholicism). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though; perhaps Reginald's constant attempts at relationship sabotage have finally borne fruit.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play (along with Kevin, who must have renounced Judaism after that run-in with a candle cookie). Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve, and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu about the fact her [[Obesity|growth]] has destroyed her clothes and Sonichu rushes home to get new ones. Rosechu finds the now adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|panties]]" before regaling everyone with an incredibly detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidal cookies as a way of making amends (he apparently reclaimed his Judaism immediately after the pageant). Kevin calmly explains (with an unhealthy amount of bad military jargon) how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her (being a greedy bastard, he still keeps the cookies).

Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two solid minutes before deciding they're basically over it. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their [[homos|electric car]].

==What Can We Anticipate?==

The ultimate content of future episodes can only be speculated on; doubtless, it will consist of the first thing that comes to Chris's head whenever he can be bothered to scrawl a few pages. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making it probable that he will make his first appearance since he helped Sonichu rescue Rosechu way back in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This is almost entirely incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. For example, ''[[wikipedia:Batman Begins|Batman Begins]]'' was a fresh start with no canonical relation to the [[wikipedia:Batman|comic book source material]] or the [[wikipedia:Batman (film series)|previous film franchise]]. A [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]], on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo (though considering Chris's pathological [[Sonic Boom Protests|revulsion to change]], this isn't likely). It is likely that a "clip show" issue would allow Chris to release an issue by reusing content from the previous ones.

Over the years Chris has dropped a few hints about specific plotlines. At one point he stated, ''"[[Metal Sonichu|METAL SONICHU]] is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon."''<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> He later elaborated, ''"Count Graduon will be the Major Villain beyond ''[''Sonichu'' #10]'', possessing the [[Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on [[the moon]] back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> The issue may also move to [[RuleCWC]]: Chris has said that ''"[[Darkbind]] and [[Zelina]] will be fighting [[Clawdorf]] with great sword and bow/arrow battles."''<ref>[[Mailbag 52]]</ref>

There may also be a lack of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Great Director intrusion]]: ''"After [[Sonichu 10|Book 10]], I will be making LESS personal appearances in the pages, as having done so was a big mistake, because I had got carried away with the [[Love quest|trials and tribulations]] in my life, [[Man in the Pickle Suit|real]] and [[BlueSpike|online]], that it completely messed me up."''<ref>[[Mailbag 53]]</ref>

The long-awaited continuation of Sonichu 11 in [[September 2015]] has so far involved only the playing-out of the boring Christmas story and the revelation that [[Simonla]] is not dead after all. The comic has an attached [[Etsy]] where donations would apparently go towards production of the comic. As promised, Chris has not appeared or been mentioned in the comic and the focus has been primarily on Sonichu and his family. Alarmingly yet, the comic is about the characters' personal problems and not the high-concept adventure you'd expect from a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' knockoff.

==Hoax conclusion==
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]."

Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Special Episode - A Sonichu Christmas
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SchuComic11P1.jpg
File:SchuComic11P2.jpg
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File:Son11p13.jpg
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</gallery>}}</center>

==Development Images==
On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were in fact new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.

<center><gallery>
File:Son11development1.jpg
File:Son11development2.jpg
File:Son11development3.jpg
File:Son11development4.jpg
File:Son11development5.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>
==External links==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3/ 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11]
* [srtf.deviantart.com/favourites/51290362/Sonichu-11-Alt-Ending/ Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 11

2015-10-31T14:12:11Z

CaptainOHH: /* A Sonichu Christmas */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 39 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}
'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever. On 4 [[September 2015]], however, Chris managed to crawl back from his long dark night of abuse at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future.

The glorious resurrection of this comic in September 2015 was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. Money would go towards production of ''Sonichu'' #11, with a single character drawing offered to each person who donates, almost like a poor man's [[Wikipedia:Patreon|Patreon]]. So far, only a few new pages have been added, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, sexualisation of underage characters, walls of text and blatant racism - are present and accounted for.

==A Sonichu Christmas==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching saga of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs' hellish offspring partaking in various boring Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]], which has the unfortunate effect of making it seem like Christine has been raped or molested. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|holiday classic]]. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how [[GodJesus]] will reward the humble and [[Chris and his ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.

Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries, and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]"and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good mornint." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up their chimney like Santa Claus. Outside, he uses his super speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom (because Chris thinks women spend all their time waiting to be directed by men), Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches TV]] and Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah plays a game with Kevin the Jew. She chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game and Cerah contacts [[Magi-Chan]] to discuss her angsty attraction to Kevin, despite the fact that she's [[Pedofork|supposed to be a toddler]]. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home provided by the city of CWCville, they call her a cab to a soup kitchen. Robbie announces that he feels embarrassed by his enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake remarks apropos of nothing that he is NOT RACIST before [[Chris and Hypocrisy|expressing furious rage]] at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A retroactive flashback informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was only mentioned in this exact scene. She is reunited with Wild, her (for all intents and purposes identical) daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smart phone and explains that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion (sic)". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for [[Audiobooks|he indeed rocks]]. (No word on what Evan was doing on Christmas, so one can assume he got jack shit.) Sandy finishes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina (who may or may not have her own family) off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. An author's note helpfully points out that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids.

Up on the mountains, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange flat statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan suggests, [[Chris and Writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]] they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to literally destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo, and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (which we can see is the church altar, and treating it as a dining table is a bit of a no-no in Catholicism). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though; perhaps Reginald's constant attempts at relationship sabotage have finally borne fruit.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play (along with Kevin, who must have renounced Judaism after that run-in with a candle cookie). Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve, and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu about the fact her [[Obesity|growth]] has destroyed her clothes and Sonichu rushes home to get new ones. Rosechu finds the now adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|panties]]" before regaling everyone with an incredibly detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidal cookies as a way of making amends (he apparently reclaimed his Judaism immediately after the pageant). Kevin calmly explains how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her with an unhealthy amount of bad military jargon (being a greedy bastard, he still keeps the cookies).

Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two solid minutes before deciding they're basically over it. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their [[homos|electric car]].

==What Can We Anticipate?==

The ultimate content of future episodes can only be speculated on; doubtless, it will consist of the first thing that comes to Chris's head whenever he can be bothered to scrawl a few pages. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making it probable that he will make his first appearance since he helped Sonichu rescue Rosechu way back in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This is almost entirely incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. For example, ''[[wikipedia:Batman Begins|Batman Begins]]'' was a fresh start with no canonical relation to the [[wikipedia:Batman|comic book source material]] or the [[wikipedia:Batman (film series)|previous film franchise]]. A [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]], on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo (though considering Chris's pathological [[Sonic Boom Protests|revulsion to change]], this isn't likely). It is likely that a "clip show" issue would allow Chris to release an issue by reusing content from the previous ones.

Over the years Chris has dropped a few hints about specific plotlines. At one point he stated, ''"[[Metal Sonichu|METAL SONICHU]] is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon."''<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> He later elaborated, ''"Count Graduon will be the Major Villain beyond ''[''Sonichu'' #10]'', possessing the [[Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on [[the moon]] back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> The issue may also move to [[RuleCWC]]: Chris has said that ''"[[Darkbind]] and [[Zelina]] will be fighting [[Clawdorf]] with great sword and bow/arrow battles."''<ref>[[Mailbag 52]]</ref>

There may also be a lack of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Great Director intrusion]]: ''"After [[Sonichu 10|Book 10]], I will be making LESS personal appearances in the pages, as having done so was a big mistake, because I had got carried away with the [[Love quest|trials and tribulations]] in my life, [[Man in the Pickle Suit|real]] and [[BlueSpike|online]], that it completely messed me up."''<ref>[[Mailbag 53]]</ref>

The long-awaited continuation of Sonichu 11 in [[September 2015]] has so far involved only the playing-out of the boring Christmas story and the revelation that [[Simonla]] is not dead after all. The comic has an attached [[Etsy]] where donations would apparently go towards production of the comic. As promised, Chris has not appeared or been mentioned in the comic and the focus has been primarily on Sonichu and his family. Alarmingly yet, the comic is about the characters' personal problems and not the high-concept adventure you'd expect from a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' knockoff.

==Hoax conclusion==
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]."

Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Special Episode - A Sonichu Christmas
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SchuComic11P1.jpg
File:SchuComic11P2.jpg
File:SchuComic11P3.jpg
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File:SchuComic11P10.jpg
File:SchuComic11P11.jpg
File:SchuComic11P12.jpg
File:Son11p13.jpg
File:Son11p14.jpg
File:Son11p15.jpg
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File:Son11p18.jpg
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File:Son11p39.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

==Development Images==
On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were in fact new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.

<center><gallery>
File:Son11development1.jpg
File:Son11development2.jpg
File:Son11development3.jpg
File:Son11development4.jpg
File:Son11development5.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>
==External links==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3/ 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11]
* [srtf.deviantart.com/favourites/51290362/Sonichu-11-Alt-Ending/ Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Speech impediment

2015-08-03T22:43:56Z

CaptainOHH: /* Symptoms */

[[File:Wesson.png]]

[[Chris]] has an unusual manner of speaking, due to the combination of his strong [[Ruckersville, VA|regional dialect]] and what appear to be genuine impairments.

==History==
Counter-intuitively, Chris's speech impediment appears to have worsened over time. He spoke relatively clearly and normally in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|earlier]] videos (outside saying "listen" as "risten"), while his stuttering and other difficulties have increased significantly since then.

Likely causes include troll-induced [[stress]] and a lack of conversational company not already accustomed to Chris's speaking tendencies.

Chris's problems in verbal communication potentially stem from either the extended period of "muteness" he went through during his childhood (supposedly as a consequence of his treatment by the [[abusive babysitter]]) or his [[autism]], a disorder which often results in speech difficulties. Chris's written communication generally tends to be significantly more coherent and grammatically correct than how he speaks. While writing, he has more time and freedom to determine what he says.

Nervousness in general may also be a factor with Chris's stuttering issues. His early videos in which he stuttered less and spoke more fluently, comparatively speaking, were possibly rehearsed and may have required several takes before the final version. He was also within the comforts of his own room and house, and possibly felt more relaxed than he would in a normal social situation. When conversing with outside parties, such as trolls or random strangers out and about, he may feel more pressured to be sociable and thus, trip and stumble over his sentences. Another possible reason for his degenerative speech habits might be the increasing levels of paranoia Chris has over the belief that every person he comes into contact with might be a troll. This may be causing him to be become less comfortable around people more-so than he already was, and thus affects his communication skills greatly.

==Non-Symptoms==
Slang such as "Y'all," and "'em," and contracting the "g" of words ending in "-ing" is typical in dialects of the southeastern United States, Chris's native region.

Chris tends to mispronounce names (such as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]) due to his [[Naive|ignorance]] of how they are actually pronounced, rather than impairments in his speech.

==Symptoms==
Chris's diction is naturally staggered, interspersed with pauses, deep breaths, "um," "uh," and "hm." The pauses and deep breaths, used in speech therapy, suggest that Chris has had his speech impediment professionally treated at some point. Chris's protracted style of speaking seems to make it easier for him to lose his thought, stray off topic, or forget to include certain segments of his thoughts. However, in the [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] he has made, his speech is surprisingly fluent, with no "ums" or "uhs" This fluency is probably because he is being timed to do it, so there's little time to stop.

Chris also has a strong tendency to stutter. Although not the type of "machine-gun" stutter largely associated with the problem, Chris constantly has to repeat whole phrases, and he stumbles over certain phrases as he finds the correct words to best convey his ideas. This also could be because Chris finds the need to correct himself, and finds repetition to be the optimal way to deal with this. Ofte- usually this resu- this resu- thi- th- this ends up in Chris having to rei- repe- this ends up in Chris having to shuffle through many synonyms just to express a brief statement (prime example: [[Kacey calls]]).

During the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s dad, Chris claimed to pause before speaking in order to "spellcheck" what he is saying. This implies that Chris needs to consciously plan what he is going to say or else he is unable to say it; this suggests that Chris's difficulty with speech stems from poor contact between the speech centers of his brain and his cerebellum, a common characteristic of [[autism]]. Ironically, Chris clearly [[Chris and Writing|doesn't spellcheck his ''written'' work.]]

Like small children, Chris has a tendency to speak too quickly, run words into one another, and slur words. For example, Chris's pronunciation of "[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Ensykapeia Dramakka paysh]]".

Chris sometimes mixes up the pieces of multiple word phrases, resulting in [[wikipedia:spoonerism|statements]] like [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|"harvey-dirdban"]] "rell-wested." <ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>

Chris has difficulty pronouncing the letter "X" (/ks/ or /gz/), as well as related consonantal digraphs (/sk/, /st/), pronouncing it either as an "/s/" sound (elision) or as a "/t͡s/" sound (fronting). In addition, he pronounces the voiced "th" sound (/ð/) as "d", even when it's not deliberate (as in "da" standing in for "the"). This indicates trouble with consonants, known as [[wikipedia:Speech-Language_Pathology_in_School_Settings#Articulation_disorders|articulation disorders]].

However, given the above, it is most likely he has [[wikipedia:cluttering|tachyphemia]]. This explains most of his speech and grammar usage.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Un-clit

2015-07-27T19:42:51Z

CaptainOHH:

{{honest}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}

[[File:Tribbing.png|thumb|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT LINK GODDAMN]].]]
[[File:ChristheKarmaHoudini.PNG|thumb|A Karma Houdini at work.]]

The '''Un-clit''' was what [[Chris]] called a small piercing on his "taint" (or perineum, in clinical terminology). He had apparently gotten it as "a fair substitute" for a clitoris, indicating that Chris believes the clitoris is located on a woman's perineum. It seems that Chris's knowledge of female anatomy wasn't noticeably improved by his encounters with [[Mia Hamm]]. Chris's rationale for getting the un-clit also included an introduction to the sex lives of female bonobo monkeys.

Trolls speculated almost immediately that, owing to the rigid hygiene practices necessary for a piercing to heal properly, Chris--who [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|fails to meet even basic hygiene requirements]]--would unwittingly allow the piercing to become infected in short order. Thus, almost no one was surprised when, after a couple of weeks, the piercing became very badly infected and began to migrate out of Chris's body in a process referred to as "rejection". Instead of letting the area heal before a second attempt, Chris immediately tried to re-pierce it, with a ''safety pin''. This rather predictably resulted in the infection worsening and even after going to a professional and having it re-done again, he couldn't keep it from getting infected and [[Catherine|Catie]] eventually convinced Chris to give up on the piercing altogether.

Factoring 2 professional piercings and 2 items of jewellery, Chris [[Chris and money|wasted a grand total of about $200]] of his [[monthly tugboat]] on this.

==September 18th Facebook Status==
{{quotebox|Well. A whole Half a month without a new update on the trolls' website; I was hoping for longer than that. And I WAS going to make a [[Honest Content|public announcement]] about it anyway. But the cat is out of the bag now.

Anyway, I had something done to me that is Radical, that I did for my Lesbian Soul! I got a new piercing on my taint on Monday the 15th. About where my clitoris would be if I was a woman! It is a short, steel straight piece with steel spheres, of which I refer to them as my un-clit. I am tending to its cleaning personally in Daily Baths or Showers, as well as cleaning the area with rubbing alcohol twice daily.

I, Christian Weston Chandler, with no other outside opinions from anyone, have long been thinking about getting a piercing on my taint, with a steel sphere where my clitoris would be if I was born female, in my Soul identity as a Female and a [[Chris and English|Leabian]], as a fair substitute for that, and to stimulate the woman's clitoris via scissoring, YEARS ago after watching the Lesbian couple Tribbing each other in the soft core porn movie, "The Key to Sex".

And for those who don't know about Tribbing, it is more commonly known as Scissoring, Tribadism is when one woman rubs her vulva against the other woman's vulva, to stimulate each other's clitoris. In fact, there are clits that actually stick out, penetrating the labia and better stimulating the other clitoris. The female bonobo monkeys have long clits, and they trib other female bonobos a LOT of the time.

And to make sure EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS ONCE AND FOR ALL: I am a FEMALE, LESBIAN SOUL TRAPPED IN A MALE BODY. Or to put it another way, I am a LESBIAN TRANSGENDER! I am Seriously Into Women! Males Offend Me, even my own [[duck|Penis]] Totally Grosses Me Out! I am glad that I tuck it underneath my taint, so I do not have to look down at the Ugly Bulge!

I HAVE Come Out as the Lesbian Transgender that I Always Have Been and Ever Will! And for everyone of you Sods who continue to mislabel me as a Homosexual Male, or hint towards anything of that even in distasteful jest, you all can kiss My [[china|Vagina]] Of My Soul!!!

Have a good day

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribadism}}

Despite obviously violating the Community Guidelines, as well as being reported by [[Trolls|concerned Facebook users]], Facebook decided that no part of this status was considered pornographic enough to warrant being removed.

==Repiercing the Un-clit==
On 4 [[December 2014]], an update was released on the [[CWCki Forums]] that Chris had re-pierced his taint. The new piercing jewelry was apparently made of gold. <ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/chris-got-his-taint-repierced.6336/</ref>

{{quotebox|I got the new gold barbell jewelry piece, and I will be getting repierced later today.}}

{{quotebox|Let's pray that in a month, this one does not go migrating either.}}

{{quotebox|I'm sending caring vibes and love your way! Have a lovely and safe day.}}

Re-piercing so soon after the first attempt was considered most unwise, as the wound from the first infection had had almost no time to heal, and many trolls were concerned that due to Chris's lack of general hygiene, the filthiness of his daily surrounds, and his lack of knowledge about how to properly care for the piercing would lead to Chris risking septicaemia from the contaminated wound.

Five days later, it was revealed that in addition to the new piercing, Chris was wearing a strap-on harness with the dildo removed to conceal his [[duck]] while he wore [[Tomgirl Saga|women's clothing]]. This raised additional concerns about the cleanliness of the pierced region.

==The End of the Un-clit==
{{quote|I have an update to just let you know: the patch of skin the jewelry was in was shrinking again. I have just removed the barbell and spheres; I am giving up on that piercing now.|Chris has finally given up on the piercing.}}

A message from Chris leaked on the CWCki Forums on 12 December showed that he had removed the piercing due to the "patch of skin the jewelry was in ... shrinking again" (presumably referring to another infection). He stated he would "giv[e] up" on the Un-Clit.<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/the-un-clit-is-no-more-chris-comes-to-his-senses.6467/</ref> He was deeply disappointed with this outcome, however, and on [[C-Mas]] [[December 2014|2014]] still hoped that he could receive the gift of a "magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails]]</ref> Santa seemingly did not oblige him, perhaps prompting Chris's malicious assault of a store employee on [[26 December 2014|Boxing Day]].

{{collapsible
|Not safe for work, life, the faint of heart, or anyone who values their sanity.|<center><gallery>
File:Unclit (NSFL).jpg|The piercing as it originally appeared.
File:Unclit (INFECTED!!!).jpg|The piercing after becoming badly infected.
File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|The duck strap.
File:ChrisContraption_03.JPG|The duck strap and un-clit, from under Chris.
File:ChrisContraption 05.JPG|The duck strap, from the left.
</gallery></center>}}

==References==
<references />

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

26 December 2014

2015-07-24T02:17:15Z

CaptainOHH: /* 23 July Hearing */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was a truly infamous day in Chris's life, and his most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris was [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. The attack was the culmination of his months-long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade]] to change the arm color of a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]. Chris's fans wait with bated breath to see what, if any, punishment he will receive, and whether he will learn anything from it.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various local [[Sonic Boom Protests|protest actions]], including vandalism, to force merchants to stop selling Sonic Boom. He had been banned from every GameStop within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet. While he claimed it was to investigate some "Skylanders" merchandise, staff claimed he had committed acts of vandalism before, and they were on the lookout for him. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]", as Chris would later call him) James Herring. Herring was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall eating, which implies that he left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at [[Rental House|home]].

On Sunday 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that Herring would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The internet learned of the above drama when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. The clip became a minor viral hit, earning over 250,000 views as of June 2015. It is one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]]. Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, likely being aware of the [[wikipedia:Streisand effect|Streisand effect]].

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|[[List of Chris's lies|I WAS the Victim]]|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}
Immediately after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]
This is the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. Chris may be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]], Chris has been forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. Was it possible that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]]?

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearings.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had had several hearings related to this case, stretching into the summer of 2015.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans are frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any GameStop outlet or contacting any of the company's employees.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at mcdonalds on the way (not the ruckersville one across from walmart), because it was on 29 toward c-ville. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a decepticon than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and Burger King – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” Barb’s Z-3 had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds , but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two MALES. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MybN06jmIQg}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to this prediction, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of Vanity Fair with Ms. Caitlyn Jenner on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like Mr. Peanut. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up Sega executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that Son-Chu was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his atismu. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his noviophobia. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July Hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, and Barb began attending with Chris again.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
|-
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
|}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Manchester High Leaks

2015-07-14T22:29:10Z

CaptainOHH: /* Canterbury Tales Essay */

[[File:CWCdoxFolders - 15 Jun 2014.jpg|thumb|Photo of the "obtained" folders.]]
In [[June 2014]], [[CWCki Forums]] user SkyRaider91<ref>[http://cwckiforums.com/members/skyraider91.1602/]</ref> began leaking scans of several '''documents from Chris's [[Manchester High School|high school]] classes'''. Many of the pages appear to be charred and/or water-damaged, likely as a result of [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|the January 2014 fire and subsequent events at 14 BLC]]. It was revealed in [[November 2014]] that these had been obtained by trolls sifting through the trash at the burnt-out house, which, although not illegal, still lends credence to the view that [[Trolls#Today|the trolling of Chris is going too far]].

==[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Parenting]]==
===Parenting Interview===
<center><gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg
</gallery></center>
Presumably Chris interviewed [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and/or [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] for this assignment, and most of the answers are short and vague to the point of not making much sense; it's unclear whether Barb/Bob were giving brief answers, or whether Chris was just too lazy to record their full responses. Humorously, the interviewee(s) says that "the hardest part of being a parent" has been "[[Chris's_education|dealing w. public school sys]]", and that they chose to have children simply because "It's nice to have kids." They also make mention of "laughter from 4 kids and 3 situations", possibly referring to the social stigma that Bob and Barb endured as a result of their respective previous relationships and children.
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
'''50''' 
'''Name''' Christian W. Chandler. 4 
'''Points''' 50
'''Due Date''' 2/19/99

<center>'''PARENTING INTERVIEW'''</center>
'''1. Why did you choose to have children?''' 
:It's nice to have kids.

'''2. How did you decide how many children to have?''' 
:Thought it would be nice to share w. someone.

'''3. Did you know the basic facts about pregnancy and childbirth before you experienced them? Where did you get these facts?''' 
:yes; from book. ''[Several people have misread Chris's cursive "book" as "boob", leading to an even more humorous reading experience.]''

'''4. Where did you get most of your information on child rearing?''' 
:learned from parents, siblings, and figured it out w/[[Cole Smithey|trial & error]].

'''5. Did anyone else play a large role in parenting your young children? (i.e. daycare, sitter, grandmother)''' 
:[[Abusive babysitter|babysitters]] and daycare, and [[Chris and television|other methods]].

'''6. What adjustments did you have to make after your first child arrived?''' 
:laughter from 4 kids and 3 situations.

----

'''7. How do you think your attitude toward parenting differs from your parent's attitudes? Why?''' 
:To mom: a combination / Dad: didn't see parents much, but stayed w. child all the time; tried to use knowlede and availability.

'''8. How do you think your children's attitude will differ from yours?''' 
:[[slow-in-the-minds|smarter than parents.]]

'''9. What has been most rewarding (greatest joy) in being a parent?''' 
:spontaneous love and affection of child.

'''10. What has been the hardest part of being a parent?''' 
:dealing w. public school sys.

'''11. What advise would you give a young couple who is thinking about starting a family?''' 
:big committment and lots of responsibility.

'''12. When do you think a couple is ready for parenthood?''' 
:each couple has to decide themselves.

'''Parent Signature''' Barbara W. Chandler 
:Robert F. Chandler Jr.
}}
}}

===Describing Development===
<center><gallery>
File:Parenting Class 001.jpg
File:Parenting Class 002.jpg
</gallery></center>
A worksheet in which Chris was asked to identify one of five characteristics of development exemplified by various situations. Chris only managed to identify half of the characteristics correctly.
{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in ''italics'')|{{quotebox|
NAME ''Christian W. Chandler'' DATE ''2/3/99'' CLASS PERIOD ''7'' 
<big>'''STUDENT WORKBOOK''' For use with Chapter 1</big> 
Section 2 
Text Pages 24-33

[top of page marked "5" (for the number of incorrect questions) and graded "10/20" in red pen, with a circled "3" in magenta ink]

<center><big>'''DESCRIBING DEVELOPMENT'''</big></center>

'''DIRECTIONS:''' Identify the characteristic of development described in each situation. Remember that the characteristics of development are as follows: 
* Development is similar for everyone.
* Development builds on earlier learning.
* Development proceeds at an individual rate.
* The different areas of development are interrelated.
* Development is continuous throughout life.

1. Jessica is an active three-year-old who enjoys dressing herself. Lately, she has started choosing her clothes each morning. Her parents are amazed at her constart eagerness to learn new things. It seems she never stops wanting to learn. 
Characteristic of development ''development is continuous throughout life.''

<s>2.</s> Michael always had trouble in school. He did poorly on tests and was seldom able to answer when the teacher called on him. Some of the other children [[Kick_the_Autistic|teased Michael on the playground]] and called him [[Slow_in_the_minds|"dummy"]]. As a result, Michael was very shy and had little self-confidence. Since he has started wearing glasses, however, he has been doing better in school. Now Michael feels good about himself and has been able to make friends more easily. 
Characteristic of development ''development builds <s>it</s> on earlier learning.'' 
[corrected in red pen: "interrelated"]

3. Joshua and Nicole are cousins born two months apart. Although Joshua is older, Nicole began to sit and stand about the same time Joshua did. This has been slightly puzzling to Joshua's parents. They are worried about Joshua's apparently slow rate of development. 
Characteristic of development ''development proceeds at an individual rate.''

<s>4.</s> Jim is babysitting his neighbor's son Albert. To Jim, it seems as if it was only yesterday that Albert was crawling on the carpet in the living room. He remembers that Albert then learned to walk and is now running and jumping in the yard. 
Characteristic of development ''different areas of development are interrelated.'' 
[corrected in red pen: "builds"]

<s>5.</s> Ron has been watching his neighbor's daughter Cindy grow at a steady rate since he moved into the neighborhood almost two years earlier. Ron's sister Amy is the same age as Cindy. Ron has

<center>(Continued on next page)</center>

Copyright © Glencoe THE DEVELOPING CHILD Student Workbook 13

----

NAME     DATE     CLASS PERIOD    

Chapter 1, Section 2 continued 
Describing Development

noticed that Amy and Cindy are able to do about the same things. This has been true throughout the two years Ron has lived next door to Cindy's family. 
Characteristic of development ''development is interrelated.'' 
[corrected in red pen: "similiar" [sic]]

<s>6.</s> Maria is helping her younger sister Joanie learn the alphabet. She seems to be catching on quickly. Yesterday, Joanie could even pick some of the letters out of written words in one of her books. Maria knows that soon Joanie will be able to point out a few simple words. Later, she will be able to read short phrases and sound out words. 
Characteristic of development ''developmentis continous throughout life.'' 
[corrected in red pen: "builds"]

7. Rachel, Martha, and Juan are all four-year-olds attending the same child care center. Martha is slightly shorter than the other two children. She is very good at playing with others. Rachel is the tallest of the three and the most coordinated. Juan is somewhere between the two girls in size and likes to play quietly by himself in the sandbox. 
Characteristic of development ''development proceeds at an individual rate.''

8. Mark is a senior at his local high school. He has just received a scholarship for his literary achievement. Right now, Mark is looking forward to spring because he plans to run track and hopes to improve his speed from last year. Recently, his Uncle Joseph offered Mark a part-time job at the grocery store he manages. Mark plans to take the job and work until he starts college in the fall. 
Characteristic of development ''development is continous throughout life.''

9. Diane and her family spent a month last summer visiting relatives in Canada. Diane spent most of the month playing with her brother Brad and cousin Timothy, both two years old. She found that both boys could run fairly well, stand on one foot, and climb stairs. By the end of the visit, Diane could see that the two children did many things alike. She thought this was surprising since Brad was born in the United States and Timothy was born in Canada, and the two had never met before. 
Characteristic of development ''development is similar for everyone.''

<s>10.</s> At playschool one day, four-year-old Terry suddenly burst into tears. He had been given a worksheet to complete, which required him to cut out a simple picture with blunt scissors, paste it to another picture, and color it. Terry knew exactly were to paste the picture, and pasting was an activity he enjoyed. He also liked coloring and had already chosen two colors he would use. But Terry could not complete his picture becase he could not make the scissors work. 
Characteristic of development ''development builds on earlier learning'' 
[corrected in red pen: "interrelated"]

'''14''' THE DEVELOPING CHILD Student Workbook Copyright © Glencoe
}}
}}

===Help This Unborn Child===
<center><gallery>
File:Parenting Class 003.jpg
File:Parenting Class 004.jpg
</gallery></center>
A worksheet about behaviors which may adversely affect prenatal development. Chris wrote that several things can cause [[Slow-in-the-minds|"slow minds"]], and completely ignored about half of the risk factors mentioned, yet for some reason he still received a grade of 14/20.

{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's answers in italics)|{{quotebox|
'''Text pages 56-87''' 
'''Name''' ''Christian W. Chandler.''
'''Date''' ''3/25/99''

[Graded 14/20 in red pen, with a "7" at the top right]

<center><big>Chapter 3: Prenatal Development <big>Help This Unborn Child</big></big></center>

'''Directions:''' How the mother-to-be takes care of herself greatly affects prenatal development. Read each situation below. Explain which of the mother's health habits may be hazardous to the unborn baby, and why. ["why" is circled in blue pen]

1. Carolyn is excited about the birth of her first child. However, some of the changes coming up will be hard to get used to. For example, she plans to quit smoking soon after the baby is born since she thinks it might be harmful to the child. In the meantime, Carolyn and John look on the pregnancy as their "last fling" before they become parents. Every weekend they attend parties where lots of beer is served. ["Every weekend they" is underlined in red pen] 
:''smoking causes the baby to have <s>a less [illegible]</s> <s>slow mind</s> less birth weight; alcohol causes the baby to have <s>less birth wei</s> a slow mind.'' 
:[teacher wrote "FAS", "need rest", and "-1" in red pen]

2. Earlier this week, Sandra woke up with a terrible cold. Since she is preparing for maternity leave, she doesn't want to miss any days at the office. ["miss any days at the office" is underlined in red pen] Sandra decided to increase her intake of vitamins to boost her energy level. She found some nose drops in the medicine cabinet and has been taking those along with several aspirin each day. 
:''some medical drugs cause the baby to have less body weight, and have slow minds.'' 
:[teacher wrote "take needed time" in red pen]

----

3. Elaine's second child is due in five months. She is busy getting ready for the new arrival. Since pregnancy has been going so well, Elaine decided not to cut down on her favorite foods—chocolate, coffee, and soft drinks. Elaine's X rays at her dental appointment last week revealed no tooth decay. She really does feel good. However, since several neighborhood children have had rubella recently, she has decided to ask her doctor for the vaccine on her next visit. 
:''chocolate, coffie, and soft drinks (caffine), cause the baby to <s>not have</s> <s>not get all the nutrients it needs.</s> be very hyperactive. 
:[teacher wrote "caffeine", "-3", and "No Xrays [or] vaccines because        " in red pen]

4. Marti has a fear of gaining too much weight while she is pregnant. A few years ago, her doctor prescribed amphetamines for a weight loss program. Marti had some of the pills left over, so she is using them to curb her appetitu, In addition, she skips breakfast and lunch and eats only a small dinner. 
:''skipping meals and only taking medication will cause the baby to not get the nutrients it needs.'' 
:[in red pen, the teacher wrote "-2" and "1/2" in the margin, and circled "taking medication", drawing an arrow to where she wrote "amphetamines cause"]
}}
}}

===Chapter 1 study guide===
<center><gallery>
File:Parenting Class 005.jpg
File:Parenting Class 006.jpg
</gallery></center>
For this worksheet about child development, Chris seems to have regurgitated sentences from a textbook, which makes it a boring read. Of note is that he gave "television" as an example of a child's "enviroment" [sic], possibly shedding some light on Barb's parenting techniques.

{{collapsible|Transcription|
NAME ''Christian W. Chandler'' Date ''2/9/99'' CLASS PERIOD ''7'' 
<big>'''STUDENT WORKBOOK''' For use with Chapter 1</big> 
Text Pages 16-35

'''CHAPTER 1 STUDY GUIDE'''

'''DIRECTIONS:''' As you read the chapter, answer the following questions. Later, you can use this guide to study the chapter information.

'''Children in Your Life''' 
:1. What three things influence your relationship with young children? 
::''[[Pedofork|your interest (in children)]], knowledge of stages, and skill in applying that knowledge.''

'''Why Study Children?''' 
:2. Name there benefits of learning about children. 
::''you learn about the person you are; you learn about the child you were; and you learn about the adult you will be.''

:3. How can learning about children help you get along with them better? 
::''you will apply learning to everyday life, you learn practical techniques, and you will discover that children are fun.''

'''What Is Childhood?''' 
:4. What is one of the most important concepts that have emerged from the study of children? 
::''they have [[autism|special needs]] as they grow and learn.''

'''Childhood: Past and Present''' 
:5. How did people in Colonial days think children differed from adults? 
::''only in size, expierence, and abilities.''

:6. Give three examples of the differences between childhood in the past and childhood today. 
::''<s>children were expected to work hard at an early age,</s> <s>but</s> health and nutrition, dress, and parental love.''

----

:7. Why can childhood be called a ''recent'' discovery, even though there have always been children? 
::''<s>[illegible]</s> in the past, parents had little awareness of their special needs.''

'''The Growth of Child Study''' 
:8. Where can you find information about growth and development of children? 
::''books, articles, radio and television <s>problems</s> programs on the subject of child <s>deleo</s> development.''

'''Characteristics of Development''' 
:9. Explain in your own words what the following characteristics of development mean.

::Development is similar for everyone. 
:::''children all over the world go through the same, but different, stages of development.''

::Development builds on earlier learning. 
:::''development follows an orderly sequence (step-by-step).''

::Development proceeds at an individual rate. 
:::''style and rate of growth differ from 1 child to another.''

::The different areas of development are interrelated. 
:::''all areas of development interact continually.''

::Development is continuous throughout life. 
:::''sometimes, development is rapid, and [[Chris's education|sometimes, it is much slower]].''

'''The Importance of Play''' 
:10. Identify four ways that play benefits the development of children. 
::''physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially.''

'''Influences on Development''' 
:11. Name two major influences on development, and give an example of each. 
::''heredity: physical characteristics; enviroment: television,''
}}

===Chapter 2 study guide===
<center><gallery>
File:Parenting Class 007.jpg
File:Parenting Class 008.jpg
File:Parenting Class 009.jpg
</gallery></center>
This worksheet seems to be more regurgitated textbook material, but Chris found subtle ways to screw it up, like using mathematical inequalities (see also: using Spanish in his [[Manchester High Leaks#English|English homework]]) and failing to cross a couple Ts. He also doesn't seem to understand the concept of adoption, referring to it as "a right to raise a child who is biologically their own."
{{collapsible|Transcription|
NAME ''Christian W. Chandler.'' DATE ''2/23/99'' CLASS PERIOD ''7'' 
<big>'''STUDENT WORKBOOK''' For use with Chapter 2</big> 
Text Pages 36-57

<big>'''CHAPTER 2 STUDY GUIDE'''</big>

'''DIRECTIONS:''' As you read the chapter, answer the following questions. Later, you can use this guide to study the chapter information.

'''The Importance of Families''' 
:1. What is a family? 
::''group of 2 or more people who care about and are committed to each other.''

:2. Why do people have a need for families? 
::''they're every child's 1st connection to the world.''

'''Types of Families''' 
:3. Explain in your own words each of the following types of families.

::Nuclear 
:::''a mother, father, and x ≥ 1 child sharing the same household.''

::Extended 
:::''parents, children, and other relalives sharing <s>thesame</s> the same household.''

::Single-parent 
:::''1 parent and x ≥ 1 child sharing the same household.''

::Blended 
:::''married couple and x ≥ child from parents' previous relalionship.''

:4. Name and describe <s>three</s> 2 ways of becoming a parent other than by being a biological parent. 
::''adoption: a right to raise a child who is biologically their own.'' 
::''foster child: child w. parents who are unable to care for it.''

----

'''The Family Life Cycle''' 
:5. Record a reward and a challenge that may occur in each stage of the family life cycle. 
::<table>
<tr>
<th>'''Stage'''</th>
<th>'''Reward'''</th>
<th>'''Challenge'''</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Beginning</td>
<td>''<s>couple</s> home.''</td>
<td>''<s>establishing home &</s> [[Chris and Money|$$]].''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Childbearing    </td>
<td>''a baby.''</td>
<td>''noise and changes; $$.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Childrearing</td>
<td>''teaching the child what you know.''</td>
<td>''[[Autism|disorder]]; $$.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Launching</td>
<td>''child learns [[Tugboat|how to support him/herself]].   ''</td>
<td>''child in process of leaving; $$.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Empty Nest</td>
<td>''renew relationship.''</td>
<td>''no child around; changes.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Retirement</td>
<td>''new/old interests.''</td>
<td>''failing health.''</td>
</tr>
</table>

'''Trends Affecting Family Systems''' 
:6. Explain how each of the following family trends affects society an a whole.

::Increased mobility 
:::''no supportive connection w. family & friends.''

::More women in the work force 
:::''less time with child, more [[Stress|stress]] for both parents/need for [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|facilities]] and [[Abusive babysitter|individuals]] that provide quality child care.''

::Rising population of older citizens 
:::''encouragement of family unity.''

'''The Need for Healthy Families''' 
:7. What role does the family play in the socialization of family members? 
::''children learn about [[Chris and anger|acceptable behavior]].''

----

'''How Can Families Be Strengthened?''' 
:8. Name three steps in strengthening families. 
::''knowing what to look for; id. strengths of their family; and improve areas that need strengthening.''

:9. Name three ways in which parenthood can be rewarding. 
::''members show commitment, appreciation, and effective coping skills.''

'''Making Decisions About Parenthood''' 
:10. Explain in your own words why each of the following considerations is important to the decision of whether to have children..

::Emotional maturity 
:::''<s>[illegible] grow</s> to become better able to handle situations.''

::[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Desire for parenthood]] 
:::''to be sure of their decision.''

::[[Chris and health|Health]] 
:::''health of parents could <s>effe</s> affect child, before it is born.''

::Management skills 
:::''parenting is a complex task.''

::[[Chris and money|Financial considerations]] 
:::''[[Lego|expenses for child will increase.]]''
}}

===Chapter 5 study guide===
<center><gallery>
File:Parenting Class 010.jpg
File:Parenting Class 011.jpg
File:Parenting Class 012.jpg
</gallery></center>
Chris misspelled a couple words, but other than that, this worksheet is just more boring textbook paraphrasing, this time about prenatal development.
{{collapsible|Transcription|
NAME ''Christian W. Chandler'' DATE ''3/5/99'' CLASS PERIOD ''7'' 
<big>'''STUDENT WORKBOOK''' For use with Chapter 5</big> 
Text Pages 114-153

<big>'''CHAPTER 5 STUDY GUIDE'''</big>

'''DIRECTIONS:''' As you read the chapter, answer the following questions. Later, you can use this guide to study the chapter information.

'''Prenatal Development''' 
:1. Prenatal development is 
::''development of baby during period before birth.''

'''Conception''' 
:2. Define:
::Ovum
:::''female cell or egg.''
::Uterus
:::''organ in woman's body in which a baby develops during pregnancy.''
::[[Navy|Sperm]]
:::''male cell.''
::Conception
:::''union, or joining, of 1 egg and 1 sperm, resulting in beginning of pregnancy.''
::Zygote
:::''fertilized egg.''

'''Period of the Zygote''' 
:3. The first stage in the development of a baby is the ''zygote period'' and lasts ''2'' weeks. The zygote attaches to the ''uterus'' and is the size of a ''[[CWCki_Forums#Christian_Weston_Chandler_is_STRAIGHT.21.21.21.21|pinhead]]'' at the end of two weeks.

'''Period of the Embryo''' 
:4. The second stage of the pregnancy is the ''embryo period'' and lasts from the ''3rd'' week to the ''8th'' week of pregnancy. During this time, the ''placenta'', which attaches the sacs around the embryo to the uterus, and the ''umbilical cord'', the tube that connects the placenta to the embryo, develop. The tube carries ''nourishment'' and ''oxygen'' from the mother's blood stream to the baby and takes ''waste products'' from the baby. The ''amnotic fluid'' surrounds the

----

:embryo and acts as a cushion to protect it. At three weeks after conception, the ''heart'' is the largest organ, and it has already started ''beating''.

'''Period of the Fetus''' 
:5. The last stage of pregnancy is the ''fetus period'' and begins about the ''8th or 9th'' week and lasts until ''birth''. In the early part of this period, the baby has the beginnings of all ''organs'' and ''body parts''. By the fourth of fifth month of development, the kicking and moving of the baby can be felt by the mother, which is called ''quickening''. By the ''7th'' month, with a great deal of medical help, the fetus is capable of living outside the uterus. During the final month, the fetus ''gains'' weight rapidly and adds ''fat'' to help maintain body heat after birth. In the last few weeks, the fetus stores ''nutrients'' and builds ''immunity'' to disease and infection. During the ninth month of pregnancy, the fetus drops into the birth canal, which is called ''lightening'', to prepare for labor. After about ''40'' weeks of preparation, the baby is ready to be born.

'''The Genetic Package''' 
:6. What is heredity? Name there characteristics that can be hereditary. 
::''passing of natural characterics from past generations; hair texture and color, skin color, and color/shape of eyes.''

:7. Explain the relationship between chromosomes and genes. 
::''each chromosome contains thousands of genes.''

----

:14. What are the five options for infertile couples? Briefly describe each. 
<table>
<tr><th>Options</th><th>Descriptions</th></tr>
<tr>
<td>''adoption''</td>
<td>''legally providing a home for 1 or more children who don't have a home.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>[[Semen#Donation|''artificial insemination''</td>]]
<td>''injection of male's sperm into a woman's uterus, with a special needle during the woman's fertile period.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>''in vitro fertilization''</td>
<td>''a doctor removes an egg from a woman, puts it in a glass dish with a special solution, adds husband's sperm, and implants zygote back in woman's uterus.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>''ovum transfer''</td>
<td>''<s>[illegible]</s> same as in vitro fertilization, but the egg comes from an egg donor, not the mother.''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Need my daughter|''surrogate''</td>]]
<td>''when a zygote is transferred from a future mother, to substitute <s>[illegible]</s> woman, who carries the zygote until birth.''</td>
</tr>
</table>
}}

===Empathy Belly essay===
<center><gallery>
File:Empathy Belly Essay.jpg
</gallery></center>
Chris describes the experience of [[Pregnant Act|wearing an empathy belly]], complete with disturbing [[Honest Content|honest content]]:

{{quote|...while my legs were separated, it put pressure on my [[duck|private part]], which gave me a strange, weird feeling.|Chris, oversharing about how the empathy belly rubbed his penis}}

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
[graded 30/30] 
Christian W. Chandler. 
4/12/99 
Parenting, 7.

How it was like to wear the Empathy Belly:

Having a belly like a pregnant woman was really an awkward experience. While I wore the belly, I was walking like as if my legs were out of balance. Also, when I tried to get my pencil bag out of my backpack, the belly held me back by putting pressure on my left leg. Luckily my arms were long, but if they were any shorter, I would have had a real problem to reach the pencil bag. And when I laid on the floor and tried to get up, the gravity made the belly put pressure on me, and it made me fall on my right side. Finally, while I was sitting in my chair, the belly made it uncomfortable for me to cross my legs, and while my legs were separated, it put pressure on my [[Duck|private part]], which gave me a strange, weird feeling. So, it was quite an experience while I had a belly like a pregnant woman.
}}
}}

==U.S. Government==
===Amendment Timeline===
<center><gallery>
File:US GOV 001.jpg|Timeline of US Amendments 1-17
File:US GOV 002.jpg|Timeline of US Amendments 18-23
File:US GOV 003.jpg|Timeline of US Amendments 24-27
</gallery></center>
An illustrated timeline briefly describing the 27 amendments to the U.S. Constitution. As is [[honor roll|to be expected]], Chris used multiple differing conventions for writing out dates, and made several prominent factual, spelling, and grammatical errors, which are preserved in the transcription.
{{quote|Dear LADY; PAYUP!|Congress}}
{{collapsible
|Transcription|{{quotebox|1=
Christian W. Chandler 
1/10/99 
U.S. Govt., 3 
<center>27 Amendmt Timeline</center>
* (Dec 15) 1791
::(Bill of Rights) Amendments 1-10 Everyone shall have innocence 'till proven guilty 
::[Speech bubble: "Even though I have 'GUILT' on my face, I am innocent 'till proven."]
* (Feb 7) 1795
::11th amendment: People of other countries can't blame U.S. for their troubles. 
::[Horribly misshapen landmasses labeled "CANADA", "U.S.A"., "MEXICO", "EUROPE", and "[[Niggos|AFRICA]]".] 
::[Speech bubble: "HELP!"]
* (JULY 27) 1809
::12th amendment: majority of votes for president for one state = 1 vote for that president. 
::[Speech bubble: "Virginia: I'M FOR CLINTON!"] 
::CLINTON: 26 
::Bushwell: 24 
::(Virginia didn't vote for Bushwell)
* 1865 (Dec 6)
::13th amendment: Slavery shall only be used as crime punishment. 
::[Speech bubble: "TANKS TO 'unlucky' 13, I'm in here! (mumbling)."]
* 1868 (JULy 9)
::14th Amendment: Those are born in U.S. = U.S. Citizen 
::[Speech bubble: "Does that make me a U.S. citizen?."] 
::[Baby wearing a top hat reading "1998", labeled "(Baby 1998)"]
* (Feb 3) 1870
::15th amendment: No matter what race or color, they will vote. 
::[Speech bubble: "Yippie! Finally, I can vote!"]
* 1913 (Feb. 3)
::16th amendment: Congress shall collect taxes. 
::[Document with heading "Congress", reading "Dear LADY; PAYUP!"]
* (Apr. 8) 1913
::17th amendment: Senate of U.S. = 2 people from each state. 
::[Speech bubble: "Weare senates!"] 
::[Figures labeled "Bob", "MARY", and "Virginia"]

----

* (Jan. 16) 1919
::18th amendment: prohibition of [[Alcohol|liquor]] from U.S. 
::[Bottle label: "BE ER"]
* 1920 Aug. 18
::19th amendment: [[Women's rights|Women]] can vote. 
::[Speech bubble: "I can Vote, too!"]
* (Jan. 23) 1933
::20th amendment: Presidency & Vice Presidency terms exp. Jan. 20. 
::(LAME DUCK [duck pictogram]) 
::[Calendar: "JANUARY, 1999", "prop of Bill CLINTON"] 
::[Speech bubble: "(Clinton)-> MYDAY is almost here."]
* (Dec. 5) 1933
::21st amendment: Repeal of Prohibition. (Beer is allowed). 
::[Speech bubble: "Uh..., WELCOME.....DOh!"] 
::[Ship labeled "S.S. ANNE.", carrying "BEER"]
* 1951 (Feb. 27)
::22nd. amendment: Limit of President to 2 terms. 
::[Figures labeled "1st term.", "2nd term"]
* (Mar. 29) 1961
::Columbia <s>can't</s> can vote for president. 
::[Speech bubble: "WE CAN VOTE, TOO!"]

----

* (Jan. 23) 1964
::24th amendment: voters need to pay poll taxes 
::[Printer labeled "Poll taxBox", "Printout -> VOTE"]
* 1967 Feb. 10
::25th amendment: President's powers are reduced. 
::[Figures labeled "Before", "after"]
* (July 1st) 1971
::Amendment 26: young men of 18 yars of age can vote. 
::[Speech bubble: "Hey-hey, thanksfor the cool car & the vote!"]
* 1992 (May 7)
::Amendment 27: Salary changes must be made for Congress to pay themselves. 
::[Figures labeled "(to Congress) Before", "(changes required)✓ After"]
* 1999! The END!

}}
}}
===Worksheets and Essays===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Cant Follow Directions Constitution Worksheet.jpg
File:CWC Chapter 14 Basic Concepts2.jpg
File:CWC Chapter 14Basic Concepts.jpg
File:CWC Lawbreaking Worksheet.jpg
File:CWC No Back Worksheet.jpg
File:CWC No Back Worksheet2.jpg
File:CWC Political Spectrum.jpg
File:CWC Political Spectrum2.jpg
File:Chris_Korean_War_Graphic.jpg
File:CWC Vietnam Map.jpg
File:CWC Why Only One Point.jpg
</gallery></center>

===Women's Movement notes===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Womens Movenment.jpg
</gallery></center>
{{quote|Never Passed!|What should have happened to Chris in an ideal education system}}
Chris's brief notes on the [[Women's rights|women's movement]] in the United States in the 1960s.
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Christian W. Chandler 
10/15/98 
U.S. Govt., 3.

<s>Women</s> Women's Movement: 
Started from reaction to book, The Feminene Mystique, written by housewife, Betty Friedan. She wrote, "As she made the beds, shopped for groceries... she was afraid to ask, 'Is this all?'" 
Change Begins: 
1. = pay act: passed in '63. 
2. Now: National Organization for Women. 
Fought for passage of = Rights Ammendments... Never Passed!
}}}}

===Strategic Defense Initiative essay===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC SDI Essay.jpg
</gallery></center>
The [[Wikipedia:Strategic Defense Initiative|Strategic Defense Initiative]] was a system [[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Reagan]] proposed in 1983. It was never actually implemented, at least not even close to how Reagan proposed it (in terms of technology and scale), and certainly not during his presidency. Despite that, Chris vomited up this four-sentence "essay" on how the "system of zappers and mirrors in space" defended "against [[Wikipedia:Evil empire|Evil Empire]]" and got another perfect grade. Note that the teacher misspelled the names of several terms/people in the heading, and that the debt increase Chris gave for SDI is comically low— Reagan increased the defense budget by tens of '''billions''' of dollars, not millions.<ref>[http://www.cato.org/publications/policy-analysis/reagans-1983-defense-budget-analysis-alternative]</ref><ref>[http://martinfrost.ws/htmlfiles/aug2006/starwars1.html#Cost] "$44 billion was appropriated by Congress for SDI from 1983 to 1993."</ref> All evidence seems to suggest his teacher was a bit [[slow in the mind]].

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
'''REVIEW SHEET(X): FORD-CLINTON''' [graded "+10" in red ink]

Name ''Christian W. Chandler''      Date ''11/22/98''

<center>
<table>
<tr>
<th>'''TERMS:'''</th><th>'''TERMS:'''</th><th>'''PEOPLE:'''</th><th>'''PEOPLE:'''</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Stagflation</td>
<td>Three Mile Island</td>
<td>Ronald Reagan</td>
<td>Jhomeini</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>ERA</td>
<td>Panama Canal Treaty</td>
<td>Gorbachev</td>
<td>Contras</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Salt II</td>
<td>Camp David Accords</td>
<td>George Bush</td>
<td>Sandinistas</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Reaganomics</td>
<td>SDI "Star Wars"</td>
<td>Oliver North</td>
<td>Rodney King</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>INF Treaty</td>
<td>Operation Desert Strom</td>
<td>Clarence Thomas</td>
<td>Boris Yelstein</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Iran-Contra Affair</td>
<td>Aparthied</td>
<td>Sadaam Hussein</td>
<td>Nelson Mandella</td>
</tr>
</table>
</center>

ESSAY: (10 POINTS)

Explain, IN DETAIL, ONE <s>two</s> event that occurred during Reagan's presidency that illustrates how Reagan would defend against the "Evil Empire" at all costs. You must name the country/event and describe it in as much detail as possible Conclude by stating IF and HOW the goal was achieved and the "Evil Empire" was contained.

''The Strategic Defense Initiative was a way Regan defended against "Evil Empire." This occured in the U.S., and it was a system of zappers and mirrors in space that would destroy a nuclear missile <s>if</s> before it would hit the U.S. It was achieved by adding $70-million to debt. in defense. The SDI was a way Reagan would have defended against "Evil Empire."''
}}}}

===Election worksheet===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Chapter 10 Social Studies Worksheet.jpg
File:CWC Chapter 10 Social Studies Worksheet2.jpg
</gallery></center>
This worksheet deals with various aspects of elections, such as voting, political campaigns, etc. As in several other documents for non-Spanish subjects, Chris used broken Spanish for some of his answers here, although he provided English translations for most of it, and explained in the margin that he was "practicing [his] spanish". Despite the irrelevant, incorrect use of Spanish and the extremely simple answers, this worksheet again received a perfect grade.

{{quote|In a presidential election, whom do voters actually choose? What do those people do? '''public officeholders; work en la office.'''|Chris, completely oblivious that this was asking about the [[Wikipedia:Electoral College (United States)|Electoral College]]}}

{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in italics)|{{quotebox|
Name ''Christian W. Chandler'' Section      Date ''1/13/99''

<big>'''CHAPTER 10, BUILDING SOCIAL STUDIES SKILLS'''</big> [graded 18/18 in red pen] 
''in textbook'' 
Write phrases or sentences to answer these questions.

1. Who uses a ballot? For what purpose? 
:''voters; to place their choices in la election.''

[In the margin, Chris wrote "note: yo practico mi español, pero yo escribo los translations / I'm practicing my spanish, but I wrote translations.", and drew an arrow to #2.]

2. Who attends a nominating convention, and what do those people do? 
:''political parties; a deciden sus candidates y a "select" delegates/to choose its candidates and to select delegates.''

3. What is the difference between a closed primary and an open primary? 
:''<s>[illegible]</s> closed primary <s>parties</s>; only party members vote. open primary: all voters can vote.''

4. What does a campaign manager do? 
:''el <s>prep</s> coordinates y plans la campaign strategy / he coordinates and plans campaign strategy.''

5. Name and briefly describe three different positions on a campaign staff. 
:''Fund raisers: raises money to subsidize campaign.''
:''Press Secretary: maintains press contacts; disseminating campaign news.''
:''lawers y accountants: monitor legal y financial aspects of campaign.''

6. What does a political consultant do? 
:''helps a shape candidate's image; manage campaign advertising.''

7. Who uses tracting polls? For what purpose? 
:''más candidates; a find out cómo bein <s>[illegible]</s> ellos son competing for votes / to find out how well they are competing for votes.''

8. In a presidential election, whom do voters actually choose? What do those people do? 
:''public officeholders; work en la office.''

----

9. What is negative campaign advertising? 
:''advertising en a political campaigned aimed at discrediting y damaging la opposing <s>candidate</s> candidate.''

10. What are two questions you should ask yourself when evaluating a political commercial? 
:''Which individual o group paid for la commercial?'' 
:''What forms of communication are used?''

11. What is propaganda? Who uses it? 
:''message to influence people's ideas, opinions, & actions.''

12. What are two different techniques of propaganda? Write a brief description of each. 
:''Glittering generalities: uses vague words or ides that don't really <s>say</s>say much.'' 
:''Card stacking: uses facts that support candidate's argument.''
}}}}

===JFK Assassination===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Assassination JFK Drawing.jpg
File:CWC Assassination JFK Notes.jpg
</gallery></center>
Brief notes on JFK's assassination, including a diagram of the scene.
{{collapsible|Transcription (notes)|{{quotebox|
Christian W. Chandler 
10/15/98 
U.S. Govt., 3.

John F. Kennedy: assassinated: 
Nov. 22, 1963. Dallas, Texas, 12:30 pm. 
J.F.K. is shot x2 from 6th floor of Tx. school. book depository; pronounced dead at 1:00 pm (Parkland). 
Assassin: 
Lee Harvey Oswald: arrested within 2 hrs. His rifle was found at scene w. only his handprint on it. Nov. 24: Oswald was shot & killed by Jack Ruby (Rubinstein). 
Investigation: 
Led by Warren Commission & Chief Justice Earl Warren. After 10 months, the 26 volume Warren Report concluded that Oswald was only assassin. 
Theories: 
# Single bullit theory: "Magic Bullit." 1 bullet hit both J.F.K. & Gov. Connelly. (7) This supports Warren Report.
# Assassin on "Grassy Knoll:" shot J.F.K. in front. "Umbrella Man?" people posed as F.B.I. agents.
# "Number of shots?" (3?).
}}}}
{{collapsible|Transcription (drawing)|{{quotebox|
Christian W. Chandler 
10/13/98 
U.S.G Ovt.

1. Kennedy was killed while he was <s>rid</s> riding and <s>[illegible]</s> waving to crowd

[An annotated diagram of the scene, most likely copied from a textbook or the chalkboard. The only possibly interesting thing here is that Chris misspelled "Zapruder" as "zenbrader".]

Dealy Plaza 
Dallas, T.X. 
Nov. 22, 1963 
12:30 P.M.
}}}}

==[[Chris and English|English]]==
===English 1999 Grade Report===
<center><gallery>
File:Honor Roll I dont think so.jpg
</gallery></center>
Chris's 1999 English grade report reveals that he received [[Honor roll|failing grades on all but 2 items, and a 78% for the year]], showing at at least one of his markers was competent.
{{collapsible|Transcription|<pre><nowiki>
================================================================================
Sun Jun 06 STUDENT GRADES REPORT PAGE: 26
================================================================================
Excelsior Software, Inc. (C) 1990

NAME: Chandler, Christian CLASS: English
I.D.: SECTION:
LEVEL: TEACHER: Mrs. Dorazio

ASSIGNMENTS
----+------------------------------------------------------------------+-------+
NO. | DESCRIPTION CATEGORY | GRADE |
----+------------------------------------------------------------------+-------+
1 | Notecards I All Grades | 50.0 |
2 | Notecards II All Grades | 50.0 |
3 | Macbeth test All Grades | 84.0 |
4 | Voc 10 S/A All Grades | 20.0 |
5 | Intro Paragraph All Grades | 0 |
6 | Sonnet Disc All Grades | X |
7 | 1st Body Paragraph All Grades | 0 |
8 | Computer lab All Grades | 25.0 |
9 | Sonnet test All Grades | 86.0 |
10 | Pride and Prejudice II All Grades | 0 |
11 | Voc 10 C/C All Grades | 30.0 |
12 | Pride and Prejudice IV All Grades | 23.0 |
13 | Voc 10B All Grades | 50.0 |
14 | Pride and Prejudice VI All Grades | 25.0 |
----+------------------------------------------------------------------+-------+

CLASS GRADE: 72.0 D+

COMMENTS: year- 78
</nowiki></pre>
}}

===Canterbury Tales Essay===
An essay on Chaucer's [[Wikipedia:The Canterbury Tales|The Canterbury Tales]], with two drafts, a planning/inventory sheet, and a grade sheet. The rough draft looks to be peer-reviewed, while the second draft was most likely reviewed by the teacher. Despite highly informal and idiomatic writing, inconsistent tense and use of personal pronouns, Chris earned a 69% grade on this essay.

{{quote|And that's how the fox goes overboard w. his pride, and how his crime didn't go into his favor.|Chris's eloquent conclusion in the rough draft}}

{{quote|Well, that's it for the essay.|Chris's revised conclusion}}

<center><gallery>
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (7).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (8).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (3).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (4).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (5).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (6).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (2).jpg
File:Canterbery Tales essay001 (1).jpg
</gallery></center>
{{collapsible|Rough draft transcription (editor's marks in bold)|
Christian W. Chandler. 
12/4/98 
English, 1

Canterbury essay. (rough draft)

The <s>Cat</s> Canterbury Tales gives us an excellent portrait of life in Mid'''dle'''-ages. <s>Back in the mid-ages, the knights, peasents, and the royalty, lived in</s> The 30 pilgrims are on a journey to the shrine of Thomas-á Becket. On the way to Canterbury; the pilgrims have a contest involving story telling. So, each story each pilgrim told, was a frame story in the story of Canterbury Tales. In the Nun's Priest's Tale [editor crossed out the underline and wrote '''"Don't underline"''' in margin], by Geoffrey Chaucer, the deadly <s>sine</s>'''sin''', Pride was committed.

[editor wrote '''"Say something about Chanticlers dream?"''' in margin and an arrow pointing to this paragraph] In this <s>tale</s> tale/fable, the rooster, Chanticleer expresses too much pride, and it got him into trouble. One day, Chanticleer was sitting on a fencepost, when in the bushes nearby, a sneaky, sly fox was hiding there. The fox came out and told Chanticleer how his father, supposedly, crowed magnificently, the way he had his chest out, head back, '''eyes closed''' then he crowed his great crow. Then, Chanticleer's pride rose; so he <s>[illegible]</s> put his chest out, head back, '''and closed his eyes''' and just before he crowed, the fox pounced, and clasped his jaws on the poor, prideful rooster. And that's how Chanticleer's pride got him into trouble.

----

Also in this tale, the fox also expresses too much pride. As the fox carries <s>the</s> Chanticleer in his mouth, Chanticleer flatters the fox by telling him how clever the fox was in capturing Chanticleer. He also mentioned that flattering the chicken and capturing him off guard was "pure genius." When the fox opens his mouth to reply, proudfully, the chicken jumps out and runs away from him, '''up the tree''' <s>and back to the farm.</s> And that's how the fox goes overboard w. his pride, and how his crime didn't go into his favor. 
'''Need a conclusion.'''
}}
{{collapsible|Second draft transcription|
Christian W. Chandler. 
12/10/98 
English, 1

Canterbury essay

[Chris drew a star in the margin to the left of each line. The editor crossed out the entire row of stars on the first page.]

The Canterbury Tales [editor underlined the title for Chris] gives us an excellent portrait of life in the Middle ages. [editor circled the "a" in "ages", presumably because it should have been capitalized] The 30 pilgrims are on a journey to the shrine of Thomas-á-Bechet. On the way to Canterbury, the pilgrims have a contest involving story telling. So, each story that each pilgrim told, [editor wrote "T" above "told", presumably for tense] was a frame story in the story of Canterbury Tales. In The "Nun's Priest's Tale<s>,</s>" by Geoffry Chaucer, the deadly sin<s>,</s> Pride<s>,</s> was committed

In this tale/fable, the rooster, Chanticleer, has a dream in which told was [editor circled "which told was" and wrote "?" above it] going to happen later in the tale. In his dream, Chanticleer...

→

----

[editor wrote "one side only" at top of this page; evidently this essay was supposed to be single-sided]

was attacked by a beast with a "blend of yellow and red." The beast tried to seize him, in his mouth with a "small smout." [editor wrote "sp" above "smout"] Then his wife, Pertelote, woke him up as he was "groaning and lurching," in the [[Chris and reality|"real world."]] But, Pertelote proclaimed that he was a coward<s>,</s> because he was afraid of his dream.

Now, later in the tale, Chanticleer, and the fox, expresses too much pride, and it got both of them into trouble. One day, Chanticleer was sitting on a fence post, then comes the fox. The fox caught Chanticleer by telling him ...

----

about how his father, probably, crowed [editor wrote "Rv" (?) in the margin, possibly meaning "revise"] magnificently, the way he had his chest out, head back, and eyes closed, then he would give a great, magnificent crow. So, Chanticleer [editor wrote "Rv" (?) in the margin, possibly meaning "revise"] expressed too much pride by doing all that, but, just before he crowed, the fox snatched him in his jaws, and ran with the rooster in his mouth. Then, as the fox carries the rooster into the forest, the rooster tells the fox about how clever he was in capturing Chanticleer, and that the fox should shout out how sly and sneaky he was. So, the fox now expressed his pride by...

----

opening his mouth to shout it out, but as he did, the rooster jump out and ran up a tree. And that's [editor circled "t's" and wrote "No contractions" in the margin] how pride got Chanticleer and the fox into trouble.

Now, <s>to conclude this essay,</s> [editor circled "to conclude this essay" and struck it out] Chaucer's Canterbury Tales gives us a great picture of life in the Middle ages. In the "Nun's Priest's Tale," Chanticleer had a dream that showed what was going to happen. And that the Rooster's and the Fox's pride got each other into trouble. And, the rooster and the fox learned <s>that</s> from the mistakes they have made.    <s>Well, that's it for the essay.</s> [editor struck out this last sentence, as well as circling the "t's" in "that's"]
}}
{{collapsible|Planning sheet transcription|
Christian W. Chandler 
12/11/98 
English, 1

<center>Canterbury Essay/Nun's Priest's Tale.</center>

F.C.A.'s:
# 4 Paragraphs.
# Strong topic and Clincher sentences for Middle Paragraphs.
# No fragments/No run-ons
# Minimum of 2 examples/incidents in each <s>p</s> Middle Paragraph.
}}
{{collapsible|Grade sheet transcription|
ENGLISH 11 
DORAZIO

<center>''THE CANTERBURY TALES''</center>

<center>
<table>
<tr>
<td>FORMAT</td>
<td><s>10</s> <s>8</s> '''(6)''' 4 2 0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>CLARITY OF EXPRESSION   </td>
<td><s>10</s> <s>8</s> <s>6</s> <s>4</s> '''(2)''' 0</td>
</tr>
</table>
<table>
<tr>
<td>Four paragraphs</td>
<td>'''(20)''' 15 10 5 0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Complete sentences   </td>
<td><s>20</s> <s>15</s> '''(10)''' 5 0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Examples/incidents</td>
<td><s>20</s> '''(15)''' 10 5 0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Topic sentences</td>
<td><s>10</s> '''(8)''' 6 4 2</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Clincher sentences</td>
<td><s>10</s> '''(8)''' 6 4 2</td>
</tr>
</table>

Total '''69'''/100
</center>
}}

===Japan War Essay===
<center><gallery>
File:Outline For Japan War Essay.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay001.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay002.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay003.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay004.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay005.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay006.jpg
File:JapanWarEssay007.jpg
</gallery></center>
A wandering, factually inaccurate essay purported to be about Japan and the United States in World War II, which Chris describes as "a very tragic event with [[Megatron pistol|guns]], [[Naïve|insults]], and... [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|yuck]]!". Most of the content is directly cited from other works, several of which are actually about World War I. What little content Chris came up with himself is highly subjective and informal, and reads more like a commentary than an essay. The thesis, if it can so be called, is extremely vague. There is an outline and two drafts of the essay.

Of note is that despite this essay being for his English class, and being corrected on it in the rough draft, Chris wrote parts of the headings in Spanish, including writing his name as [[Spanish|Ricardo]], on the final draft.

{{quote|So, the war was started only because the privacy of US was invaded... So, the US and Japan really wanted to [[Chris and sex|get it on]].|Christian Weston Chandler, top scholar of WWII history}}

{{quote|At near the end of the war, "President Woodrow Wilson tried to get Japan to withdraw from Shandong"... Even the President of the US wanted to put an end to this nasty war.|Chris, not realizing that the sentence that he quoted begins with "At the end of World War I..."}}

{{quote|But the real "barbarians," were the Japanese people themselves. The US thought the same way...|[[United_States_of_America#Chris_on_patriotism|Chris]]}}

{{quote|"Very confusing + unclear."|Chris's English teacher, providing an apt summary of this essay as well as Chris's writing in general}}

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
<s>Christian W.</s> 
Christian W. Chandler 
4/23/99 
English, 1

intro. paragraph: appetizer. introduce topic and give background info. (thesis).

1st body: veggie.

2nd body: potatoes/rice/pasta.

3rd body: meat.

restate thesis: dessert.

Thesis: Now well see how the Japanese people were involved, how the past affected it, and how <s>the</s> <s>it</s> World War II <s>was</s> really started.

----

<center>Japan, 1912-1949 

Christian W. Chandler : 
<s>4/5/</s> 
5/4/99

English, 1</center>

On my honer, I, Christian Weston Chandler, pledge
that this paper reflects my own thoughts.
Any sources used to support my ideas
have been properly documented.

'''Very confusing + unclear.'''

----

Christian W. Chandler 
5/4/99 
English, 1 

Japan, 1912-1949.

This essay is about the second World
War, where the US went against Germany
and Japan. The war was a very tragic
event with guns, insults, and... yuck! Now
we will see how Japan was involved, how
the past before it affected it, and how the war
was started.

Like all fights, the war did not start big, but,
<s>"Just a litt</s> [Chris almost forgot to skip a line, but corrected himself]
"Just a little skirmish between Japanese troops
on night maneuvers and Chinese troops guarding
the Marco Polo bridge." (Going to war with Japan, P.3). So the war was started only
because of privacy invasion for U.S. But, even
before that "skirmish," "The Japanese and Americans
had been glowering at each other like boxers from... →

----

P.2 
...opposite corners of a 5,000-mile ring, waiting
for their bout to begin." (War Against Japan,
P.7). So, US and Japan really wanted to
get it on.

During the wait for the start of the war,
the Japanese were, "Cloistered on their remote islands,
with little contact beyond the sea, they deemed
themselves as a superior race and the rest of the
world as barbarians." (War Against Japan, P.8).
<s>But [illegible]</s> But the real "barbarians," were the
Japanese themselves. The US thought the same
way, and, "When Japan marched into Manchuria in
1931, the US denounce the action and said they
would never recognize Japan's conquest." (Going to war with Japan, P.4). Right then, the
US wanted to prove themselves more superior. →

----

P.3. 
As the war went on, both sides saw
that it was unwinnable. "Wartime in Japan was
viewed as sinister."<s>,and fanatical soldiers [illegible]</s> (Forum).
At near the end of the war, "President Woodrow
Wilson tried to get Japan to withdraw from Shandong."
(Going to War with Japan,<s>)</s> P.4). Even the President
of US tried to put <s>and</s> an end to the nasty
war.

<s>So</s>And so, after the war finally ended,
US and Japan came into peace, and <s>some</s>most people from both sides were happy. Now we saw how the war started, and how much Japan was involved.

----

Ricardo W. Chandler. 
5/5/99 
Inglés, 1

<s>Trabajas</s> "Cited."
Moody, Jr., Sidney C., War Against Japan. 
→ Novato, CA. Peridio Press. © 1994.

Utley, Jonathan G., Going to War with Japan. 
→ Knoxville. University of Tennesee Press. © 1985.

"Tojo Hideki." World War II Commemoration. 
→ [http://web.archive.org/web/20081031224316/http://www.grolier.com/wwii/wwii_tojo.html http://WWW.grolies.com/wwii/wwii_tojo.html]

"At 50 years end: The Legacy of War in <s>J</s> Germany 
→ and Japan." Forum. 
→ [http://web.archive.org/web/20000519221203/http://www.smn.co.jp/forum/0068f01e.html http://www.smn.co.jp/forum/0068f01e.html].

'''Incorrect format'''

-----

<s>Ricardo</s> <s>(Christian) W.</s> Chandler. 
5/5/99 
Ingles, 1.

Japan, <s>1912-1949</s>: P.1.

''This essay is about'' [teacher circled this and wrote "weak" in margin] the second World War, where the USA
went against Germany and Japan. The war was a very tragic
event with guns, insults, and...''yuck!'' [teacher wrote a "no" sign over this and wrote "no slang" in margin] Now, ''we'' [teacher circled this and wrote "3rd person" in margin] will see how
Japan was involved, how the past before it affected it, and how the war was started.

Like all fights, the war did not start big, but<s>,</s> "Just
a little skirmish between Japanese troops on night maneuvers
and Chinese troops guarding the Marco Polo Bridge." (''<s>Going to War with Japan'', P.</s>3). [Teacher struck through this and wrote "Author" above it] So, the war was started only because the privacy of US was invaded. But, even before
that "skirmish," "The Japanese and Americans had ''deem'' [teacher circled this word]
glowering at each other like boxers from opposite corners of
a 5,000-mile ring, waiting for their bout to begin." (''<s>War Against Japan,'' P</s>.7). [teacher wrote "Author" above this as well] So, the US and Japan really wanted to
get it on.

During the wait for the start of the war, the Japanese
were, "Cloistered on their remote islands, with little
contact beyond the sea, they deemed themselves as a superior
race and the rest of the world as barbarians." (''War Against Japan,'' P.8). [teacher wrote "Author" above this as well] But the real "barbarians," were the Japanese people themselves. The US thought the same way, and<s>,</s> "When
Japan marched into Manchuria in 1931, the US denounced the actions, and said they would never recognize Japan's
conquest." (<s>''Going to war with Japan,'' P</s>.4). [teacher wrote "Author" above this as well] Then, the US wanted to prove themselves more superior.

----

<s>P.2.</s>

As the war went on, both sides saw that it was
unwinnable. "Wartime in Japan was viewed as sinister."
(Forum). At near the end of the war, "President Woodrow Wilson tried to get Japan to withdraw from Shandong."
(<s>''Going to War with Japan,'' P.4</s>). Even the President of the
US wanted to put an end to this nasty war.

[teacher wrote "Restate Thesis" in margin] And so, after the war finally ended, the US and Japan
agreed to peace, and most people from both sides were happy.
Now, we saw how the war was started, how the past before it
affected it, and how much Japan was involved.
}}
}}

===Best President Essay===
<center><gallery>
File:BestPresidentEssay001.jpg
File:BestPresidentEssay002.jpg
File:BestPresidentEssay003.jpg
</gallery></center>
A typically brief essay for Social Studies class in which Chris explains why John F. Kennedy was the best modern president. Both a rough draft and a final draft are included. While the teacher corrected the final draft, all the notations on the rough draft are in Chris's handwriting. Both drafts are typed. The marking can only be described as generous; the tense varies wildly, all the paragraphs are terse and uninformative, and Chris misquotes the famous line from Kennedy's inaugural address. Chris received a final grade of 43/50, plus an additional ten points because it was typed. Note that the English teacher who gave him this mark made multiple false corrections and did not know how to spell "integrity".

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
<center>'''TYPE THREE WRITING''' 

'''"WHO WAS OUR BEST PRESIDENT?"''' </center>

Name: Christian Weston Chandler.

Subject Area: Social Studies

Subject Area Teacher: Lockhart

English Teacher: Dorazio

English Period: 1st

----
Christian W. Chandler.

3/25/99

U.S. Govt., 3.

FCA's:

1. Three qualities identified with support. (30 points)

2. Subject/verb agreement. (10 points)

3. Spelling. (10 points)

"Who was our best President" essay:

The best President from Franklin Roosevelt to Bill Clinton ''is'', [teacher circled this and the word "had" in next two paragraphs and wrote "const. tense" in margin] John F. Kennedy. Kennedy is the best because he gave the role of Presidency new heights. Three good qualities of Kennedy are that he ''had'' [teacher crossed this out and wrote "possessed"] moral integrity, leadership, and intellect.

Kennedy had ''integrity'' [teacher circled this and wrote "sp." Chris was right on this one!] when he was President. For one thing, he was honest about his qualities for president. He was a democrat, 42-years old when he ran, he was a congressman and a senator, had a wealthy, catholic family, and he was a hero in World War II. Even though those were his drawbacks, he used them as an advantage in his television debut. [teacher wrote "weak support" in margin]

Kennedy had leadership when he was a President. His leadership was expressed when he did two things: when he gave his famous speech, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you could do for your country." And when he ended the Cuban Missile Strike by putting the country under "quarantine."

''And'' [teacher crossed this out] Kennedy had intellect when he was a President. It was obvious; to put $9 billion towards space programs, he probably would have known a possible way to put a man on the moon before he put the money towards it.[teacher wrote, "another example????"]

''To sum it up'' [teacher crossed this out], John F. Kennedy was the best President; he had moral integrity, leadership, and intellect. Compared to the other Presidents from Franklin Roosevelt to Bill Clinton, they could not have said a better speech, or put the money to a better use.

[teacher wrote "43/50 +10 typed"]

----
Christian W. Chandler

3/24/99

U.S. Govt., 3.

[At the top of the page, Chris wrote: "F.C.A.'s--> 3 qualities I.D. w. support. (30) subject/verb agreement (10) spelling. (10)]

"Who was our best President?" essay (RD): [Rough Draft]

The best President from Franklin Roosevelt to Bill Clinton is, John F. Kennedy. Kennedy is the best, [Chris crossed out this comma] because he gave the role of Presidency new heights. ''3'' [Chris crossed this out and wrote, "three"] good qualities of Kennedy are that he was honest, a great leader, and pretty smart. [Chris crossed out "was" and replaced these words with "had moral integrety, leadership, and intellect."]

Kennedy was an ''honest''[Here he drew lines to the above handwritten phrase. The paper is cluttered with many other lines meant to incorporate the new phrasing throughout the essay.] president. For one thing, he was honest about his qualities for president. He was a democrat, 42-years old when he ran, he was a congressman and a senator, had a wealthy, catholic family, and a hero in World War II. Even though those were his drawbacks, he used them as an advantage in his television debut.

Kennedy was a great leader. His leadership was expressed when he did two things: when he gave his famous speech, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you could do for your country." And when he ended the Cuban Missile Strike by putting the country under "quarantine."

And Kennedy was a very smart man. It was obvious; to put money towards space programs, he probably would have known a possible way to put a man on the moon before he put the money towards it. [Here Chris wrote, "$9,000,000,000.00"]

To sum it up, John F. Kennedy was the best President; he was honest, a good leader, and pretty smart. Compared to the other Presidents from Franklin Roosevelt to Bill Clintion, they could not have said a better speech, or put the money to a better use.
}}
}}

===Warm Fuzzies===
<center><gallery>
File:Warm Fuzzies.jpg
File:Warm Fuzzies2.jpg
</gallery></center>
A page in which Chris's classmates wrote positive things about him, presumably as a teacher-mandated attempt to bring each other "Warm Fuzzies" and promote acceptance among the class. Most of his classmates clearly stuck by the adage "If you don't have anything nice to say, give a light, generic compliment instead." The things they wrote suggest that Chris's [[random-access humor]] was in abundant use by this stage.

<center>{{quotebox|
<big>"Warm Fuzzies" for</big> 
Christian W. Chandler.

I Like your clothes 
Is a very funny and nice person 
O.K 
funny 
you are a nice person 
Nice watch 
Your a very funny guy 
You're a good friend 
You tell great jokes. 
You tell fun Jokes
}}
</center>

===Student Life Essay===
<center><gallery>
File:Intro Work Vs Student Life.jpg
File:Student Life essay 001.jpg
File:Student Life essay 002.jpg
</gallery></center>
A planning sheet and rough draft of an essay about how high school students' jobs affect their school performance. For some [[autism|unknown reason]], Chris drew a star at the beginning of each line. An editor (transcribed below '''in bold'''; possibly a peer or the teacher) has made numerous false corrections, as is consistent with Chris's essay marking.

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Intro.: ["Intro." is circled in red pen] 
Work vs. Students' life . 
1st body.: health, sick, tired injuries, death. ["1st body" is circled in red pen] 
2nd body.: social life, family, friends, time, money. 
3rd body.: education, school-related, make-up work, tired, grades. 
Conclusion. Reccomendations. ["Conclusion" is circled in red pen] 
reasons: personal, $, why?, satisfaction [an arrow is drawn from "reasons" and pointing to "1st body" in red pen]

----

Christian W. Chandler 
2/11/99 
English, 1

Work vs. Student Life: (w. 1st body): (rd)

<s>Some High School students have jobs. And some students don't. But, between school and work, I beleive that during school years, we can waive work, and Save the problem, physically and grade-wise.</s>

'''Health concerns may be a risk to those students who are working.'''

<s>The</s> High School students <s>that</s>'''who''' have jobs, '''may''' could get sick, tired or injured, and could affect their school grades. According to the Man H. S. student work survey, 42% of working students, sometimes oversleep for school. 29% of w-students' grades dropped. 25% students get sick more often. 17%-36% students have a large-moderate amt. of [[stress]]]. 34% students...

----
Christian W. Chandler 
2/12/99 
English, 1

cont... (rd)

...have people at work who stress them out, and 37% say that it comes from co-workers. And 41% students sleep during class. <s>Therefore, all that supports my theory.</s> '''These are all factors of how working will effect a students health.'''

To conclude this essay, I would reccomend that for those students who are interested in a job, to maybe only work on weekends, and wait till the summer to work on weekdays. In fact, according to the survey, if working students had a choice, to quit work or school, 73% said, work is out, school is in. To save on physical and grade-wise problems, we can waive work during the school year.
}}
}}

===S.O.L. Test===
<center><gallery>
File:Student Life essay 003.jpg
</gallery></center>
Chris suggests in this [[Wikipedia:Standards of Learning|Standards of Learning]] (SOL) essay that his high school's [[Minor_CWC-isms|"seinor"]] class fund the construction of an indoor swimming pool in the gym as their class gift, demonstrating that [[Chris and money|he has no concept of how much that would cost]]. He alludes to gym teachers having ''"wet-wild" times with the students'' in the prospective pool; it's unclear whether this is an attempt at [[Random-access humor|innuendo]] or that Chris genuinely didn't realize how it sounded.
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Christian W. Chandler 
3/10/99 
S. O. L. Test, 2

S.O.L. Test:

Every year, the Seinor/Graduating class presents a gift for the school. The money for their gift is taken out of the Seinor fund. Usually, each gift is great for the future students, and the school. My idea for a class gift, would be to have an indoor swimming pool built in the gym area.

With the addittion of the swimming pool, it could do great things for the studnets, and the school, and P.E. classes. Since the students have to wait until next summer to cool off, and exercise in a pool, they could keep those legs and arms "seaworthy" with the pool in the gym. It would also be a great option for P.E. classes, besides basketball, jogging, and weight-lifting, the (PE) teachers could [[Pedofork|have a "wet-wild" time with the students]]. And the school would have a swim-team, and compete with other "pool-filled" schools.

An indoor pool would be a great benefit for the students, school, and P.E. teachers/classes. That is why I think an indoor-swimming pool would be a great graduation gift for the school.
}}
}}
===13 Lucky Writing Tips===
<center><gallery>
File:13 Lucky Writing Tips.jpg
</gallery></center>
This one is perhaps the single most baffling example of Chris's writing currently on record, which is [[Chris and English|no mean feat]] considering other items in this gallery. The 13 Lucky Writing Tips are a list of notes Chris took which were most likely suggestions and recommendations from a textbook that were read off by a teacher.

[[Chris and hypocrisy|Utterly contradicting the very first item on the list]], Chris switches from English to [[Spanish]] '''mid-sentence''' about a third of the way through the list.

{{quote|1. Use standard written English. ... 4. The thesis statement es el finallié estancé de íntroductóry paragraphé. ... 13. Cheques tu escribir muy carefully.|Selected writing tips}}

{{collapsible|Transcription|
Christian W. Chandler 
1/19/99 
English, 1

13 Lucky Writing Tips:
# Use standard written English.
# Do not use contractions in formal writing.
# You must have a thesis statement in each essay.
# The thesis statement es el finallié <s>sentenc</s> estancé de íntroductóry paragraphé.
# Tú escribes de literáture, el thesis inclúr el <s>[illegible]</s> llama de author y llama de work.
# Los paragraphs support y relaté qúe el thesis.
# Los paragraphs tienes el topic estancés, hablan el unifying concepto de el paragraph.
# Los details support y relate a el topic estánce de paragraph.
# Neccisitas los adequáte supporte details.
# Escribe el literáture en presénte tense.
# Necisitas tres muchaco <s>point</s> mirar de pointé.
# Necisitas creas muy bein tu escribes cree sense y es muy logicál.
# Cheques tu escribir muy carefully.
}}

==[[Spanish]]==
===Adjectives worksheet===
[[File:Tengo que ir rápido.jpg|thumb]]
<center><gallery>
File:Spanish Worksheet 003.jpg
File:Spanish Worksheet 004.jpg
</gallery></center>
This work is dated 8/2/99, most likely referring to 8 February [[1999]] using the [[Wikipedia:Date format by country|Spanish date format]]. Chris used pop culture figures ([[Pokémon]], [[Sonic]], [[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|''The Powerpuff Girls'']]) to illustrate vocabulary words. Chris's class seems to have watched Spanish dubs of ''The Powerpuff Girls'' in class<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref>, so for once he isn't randomly shoving fictional characters into schoolwork. His Pokémon are revealing: he describes Christian the Charmeleon as ''muy delgado'' ("[[Obesity|very thin]]"), [[Spanish#Ricardo Weston Chandler|Ricardo]] the Raichu as ''muy divertido'' ("[[Random access humor|very funny]]"), and [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] the Beedrill as ''muy feo'' ("very ugly").

This appears to be Chris's earliest reference to Pokemon. It had been introduced in North America two months earlier.

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
'''Nombre:''' Ricardo W. Chandler 
'''Fecha:''' 8/2/99

[graded 20/20 in green pen]

<table>
<tr>
<th>'''Palabra (adjetivo)'''</th>
<th>'''Dibujo (en color)'''</th>
<th>'''Oracion completa'''</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>'''grande'''</td>
<td></td>
<td>'''El elefante es muy grande.'''</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>rápido</td>
<td></td>
<td>Sonic el puerco erizino es muy rápido.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>gordo</td>
<td></td>
<td>Mario es muy gordo.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>especial</td>
<td></td>
<td>Sra. Boyle es muy especial.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>delgado</td>
<td></td>
<td>Christian el Charmeleon es muy delgado.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>guapo</td>
<td></td>
<td>Sonic el Wartortle es guapo.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>divertido</td>
<td></td>
<td>Ricacdo el Raichu es muy divertido.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>serio</td>
<td></td>
<td>Flyer el Pidgeot es muy serio en las batallas.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>feo</td>
<td></td>
<td>Cole el Beedrill es muy feo.</td>
</tr>
----
<tr>
<td>malo</td>
<td></td>
<td>Rattrap el Ratticate es muy malo.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>inteligente</td>
<td></td>
<td>Rocky el Golem es inteligente.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>pelirrojo</td>
<td></td>
<td>Blossom es pelirroja.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>bajo</td>
<td></td>
<td>Buttercup es baja.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>sempático</td>
<td></td>
<td>Bubbles es muy sempática.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>añtipatico</td>
<td></td>
<td>Dexter es muy antipatico.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>alto</td>
<td></td>
<td>Dee Dee es muy alta.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>aburrido</td>
<td></td>
<td>Mo-Jo<s>-</s>Jo-Jo es muy aburrìdo.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>bueno</td>
<td></td>
<td>Bomberman es muy bueno.</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>fuerte</td>
<td></td>
<td>Knuckles el enchidna es muy fuerte.</td>
</tr>
</table>
}}}}

{{clear}}

===''Las Profesiones'' worksheet===
<center><gallery>
File:Spanish Worksheet 001.jpg
File:Spanish Worksheet 002.jpg
</gallery></center>
This ungraded worksheet deals with labeling various people with job titles, and then stating whether they are ''bueno o malo'' ("good or bad"— at their work, presumably). Chris refers to Ricardo as a ''bombero'' ("[[Destruction Of Chris's House|firefighter]]"), and to [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] as an ''ingeniero técnico'' ("technical engineer"). He described every person on the worksheet as ''bueno'', and wrote ''de'' instead of ''es'' for a few rows, resulting in nonsensical phrases like ''April de reportera de TV bueno.'' ("April of good TV reporter.").
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Ricardo W. Chandler.

'''<big>Las Profesiones</big>'''
<table>
<tr>
<th>Dibujo</th>
<th>Formas Diferentes </th>
<th>Nombre en una oración completa </th>
<th>Bueno o Malo ? (oración completa) </th>
<th>Notes</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>medico medica medicos medicas </td>
<td>Pablo es medico </td>
<td>Palo es medico bueno. </td>
<td>Doctor</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>profesor profesora profesores profesoras </td>
<td>Claudia es profesora </td>
<td>Claudia es profesora buena </td>
<td>Teacher</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>bombero bombero bomberos bomberos </td>
<td>Ricardo es bombero. </td>
<td>Ricardo es bombero bueno. </td>
<td>Fire Fighter </td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>abogado abogada abogaos abogadas </td>
<td>Maro es abogado. </td>
<td>Mario es abogado bueno. </td>
<td>Lawer</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>secretario secretaria secretarios secretarias </td>
<td>Lisa es secretaria. </td>
<td>Lisa es secretaria bueno. </td>
<td>Secretary</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>fontanero fontanera fontaneros fontaneras </td>
<td>Mario es fontanero. </td>
<td>Mario es fontanero bueno. </td>
<td>Plumber</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td><s>Engineer</s> ingeniero ingeniera ingenieros ingenieras </td>
<td>Robert F. Chandler Jr. es ingeniero, técnico. <s>bueno</s> </td>
<td>Robert F. Chandler Jr. es ingeniero <s>tech</s> técnico bueno. </td>
<td>Engineer</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>enfermero enfermera enfermeros enfermeras </td>
<td>Leverne es enfermera. </td>
<td>Leverne es enfermera bueno. </td>
<td>Nurse</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>arquitecto arquitecta arquitectos arquitectas </td>
<td>Joe es arquitecto. </td>
<td>Joe es arquitecto bueno. </td>
<td>Architect</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>dentista dentista dentistas dentistas </td>
<td>Dr. Webb es dentista. </td>
<td>Dr. Webb es dentista bueno. </td>
<td>Dentist</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>camereo camerea camereos camereas </td>
<td>Jose es camereo. </td>
<td>Jose es camereo bueno. </td>
<td>Waiter</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>reportero reportera reporteros reporteras </td>
<td>April de reportera de TV. </td>
<td>April de reportera de TV bueno. </td>
<td>Reporter</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>cajero cajera cajeros cajeras </td>
<td>Sara de cajera. </td>
<td>Sara de cajera bueno. </td>
<td>Cashier</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td>presidente presidente presidentes presidentes </td>
<td>Clinton es presidente. </td>
<td>Clinton es presidente bueno. </td>
<td>President</td>
</tr>
</table>
}}}}

===''En mi cuarto'' worksheet===
<center><gallery>
File:Chris Old Bedroom Large.jpg
</gallery></center>
Chris describes the contents of [[Chris's room|his room]], circa 1998.

===''Las profesiones y nacionalidad''===
<center><gallery>
File:Spanish Professions 001 (1).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (2).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (3).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (4).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (5).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (6).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (7).jpg
File:Spanish Professions 001 (8).jpg
</gallery></center>
[[File:Spanish homework - Lego motorcycle police drawing.jpg|thumb|[[Chris and art|Hm, yeah... Looks about right.]]]]
A worksheet which required pictures of six different professions and six different flags, with one profession and flag combination per page, and sentences describing each page (e.g. ''El es un médico cubano'', or "He is a Cuban doctor"). Chris opted to hand-draw each page with Crayola Magic Markers, using [[Lego]] minifigs and/or Lego catalog photos as models. Note that the [[United States of America|United States]] flag (complete with 25 pentagrams and 15 stripes) is depicted waving in the breeze, while the flags of all other nations are shown flat.
{{collapsible|Transcription|
''10/13/98 (due date)'' 
Nombre: ''Ricardo W. Chandler'' 
Clase: ''4'' 
Fecha ''10/11/98''

<big>'''Las profesiones y nacionalidad'''</big>

# Draw, cut from a magazine, or computer generate, six pictures of different professions. ''(color)''
# Pictures musts be in color.
# Each picture must be mounted (glued or taped) on a separate 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of white paper. (NO NOTEBOOK PAPER!!)
# At the bottom of each sheet draw a picture of a flag (at least 3 x 5) from a different country. Each sheet must have a different flag. A total of six countries must be represented.
# On a SEPARATE sheet of paper you will write a sentence describing the person's profession and nationality.
:EJEMPLO: ''El es un médico cubano.'' 
:::''Ella es una abogada ínglesa.''

You will be graded on the following:

<table>
<tr>
<td>6 pictures of professions attached to an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of white paper.</td>
<td><s>8</s> 9 pts.</td>
<td>9</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Pictures in color.</td>
<td>2 pts.</td>
<td>2</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>One flag attached to each profession.</td>
<td><s>8</s> 9 pts.</td>
<td>9</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Sentences describing person's profession and nationality.</td>
<td>12 pts.</td>
<td>10</td>
</tr>
</table>

'''TOTAL:''' 30/<s>30</s>/32 
'''GRADE:''' A 
[Teacher wrote "Great pictures" and "''¡Muy creativo!''".]

----

# ''El es un policia Estadounidense.'' [Teacher deducted half a point for missing the ´ mark in ''policía''.]
# ''El es un combatiente Japonés.''
# ''El es un cartero Chino.''
# ''El es un mecánico Españolo.'' [Teacher deducted half a point for the "o" in ''Españolo'', then changed it to a full point. Note that Chris depicted the Mexican flag, not the Spanish flag, but the teacher apparently didn't notice and/or care.]
# ''El es un bombero Canadiense.''
# ''El es un Constricción trabajadora Italiano.'' [Teacher deducted half a point for the "a" in ''trabajadora''.]
}}

==Chemistry==
===Mock Job Interview===
<center><gallery>
File:Pretend Job interview Chem Class 001.jpg
File:Pretend Job Interview Chem Class 002.jpg
File:Pretend Job Interview Chem Class 003.jpg
File:Pretend Job Interview Chem Class 004.jpg
</gallery></center>

===Getting Acquainted===
<center><gallery>
File:Getting Aquainted Chemistry Class.jpg
</gallery></center>
A bingo-like "icebreaker" activity in which the students of the class were supposed to get to know each other by exchanging personal trivia. Chris apparently only talked to his female classmates, left the grid incomplete, and didn't even fill out the "free" square in the center (his favorite color).

Transcription (classmates' answers in '''bold'''):
<blockquote style="background-color:#f0f0f0">
{| class="wikitable"
|-
|DATE ||''9/8/98'' || CHAPTER ||
|-
|NAME ||''Christian Chandler'' || PERIOD || ''2''
|}

<center>GETTING ACQUAINTED</center>

Have one person from this class sign and complete each of the boxes. Try to remember interesting facts about each of your classmates. See how many different signatures you can collect. Don't waste time.

<center>
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align:center"
|-
|Has an unusual pet. What is it?|| Is taking a music class. '''Heidi''' What period? '''3+7'''||Lives in my neighborhood. What neighborhood?||Has flown in an airplane. '''Sarah''' Where to? '''Florida'''||Moved to this area recently. How long ago?
|-
|Has traveled out of the US. '''Dana''' Where to? '''Korea'''||Has two or more sisters. '''Maranda''' Their names? '''Mandy Megan'''||Dislikes a food I like. What food?||Has a sibling in college. What college?||Is wearing something yellow. What?
|-
|Is older than me. '''Heidi''' How old? '''18'''||Was born outside Virginia. Where?||Me !! Favorite color?||Drove a car to school today. What make?||Is taller than me. How tall?
|-
|Will play a varsity sport. What sport?||Has ridden on a train. '''Kellie''' Where to? '''Florida'''||Attended first grade outside Chesterfield. Where?||Is younger than me. '''Natasha''' How old? '''17 yr.'''||Is in another class with me. What class?
|-
|Has seen "Men in Black". How many times?||Has two or more brothers. Their names?||Has four or more pets. How many?||Likes a food I dislike. What food?||Has a toothbrush the same color as mine. What color?
|}
</center>

Have you completed the box in the center of the grid? When you have completed five boxes in a row (diagonally, horizontally or vertically) show the results to me for my approval and further instructions.
</blockquote>

==Safety Worksheets==
===Safety in the Kitchen worksheet===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Safety Worksheet 001.jpg
File:CWC Safety Worksheet 002.jpg
</gallery></center>
Chris would go on to ignore many of the lessons from this kitchen safety worksheet, allowing him to [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|slip on cat shit in the kitchen]] and [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|burn down his house by plugging in a coffee maker to an extension cord in the bathroom]].
{{collapsible|Transcription (Chris's writing in ''italics'')|{{quotebox|
Name ''Christian W. Chandler.'' Date ''10/29/98'' Class Hour     

'''RETEACHING''' 
Section 7.2 
Safety in the Kitchen

<center>'''<big>Safety First</big>'''</center>

The purpose of this activity is to review safety guidelines for working in the kitchen.

'''Directions:''' How well do you know the safety rules that you should follow in the kitchen? Show what you know by answering each question.

'''General Safety''' 
1. What should you do after you open a cabinet door or drawer? Why? 
:''close them ; you could get hurt if you bump into it if it's open.''

2. Where should heavy pots and pans be stored? Why? 
:''low shelves ; you can reach them safely.''

3. What might happen if you wear dangling jewelry or sleeves when working in the kitchen? 
:''they could catch fire or get tangled in appliances.''

'''Preventing Falls''' 
4. What is the safe way to reach something on a high shelf? 
:''use firm step stool.''

5. What should you do if you spill something on the floor of the kitchen? Why? 
:''clean up; to prevent falls.''

'''Sharp Objects''' 
6. Where should knives be stored? 
:''in <s>÷</s> drawer ÷ or rack.''

7. Why shouldn't you soak knives in the sink? 
:''you could cut yourself.''

8. If there is broken glass on the floor, how should you clean it up? 
:''w. wet paper towel .''

<center>(Continued on next page)</center>

'''FOOD FOR TODAY RETEACHING ACTIVITIES Copyright © Glencoe''' 
'''43'''

----

Name     Date     Class Hour    

<center>Section 7.2 Reteaching (continued)</center>

'''Electrical Safety''' 
9. What is an important rule to remember about electricity and water? 
:''combined = serious shock.''

10. What could happen if you plug too many appliances into one outlet? 
:''it could start a fire.''

11. What is the correct way to unplug an appliance? 
:''grasp ^cord at electrical outlet.''

'''Hazardous Chemicals''' 
12. Why is it unsafe to mix two cleaning products together? 
:''could give off poisonous fumes.''

13. What should you do before buying any household chemical? Why? 
:''read label <s>caf</s> carefully; to be sure of [?] to follow directions.''

14. Where should household chemicals be stored? 
:''away from food, where children can't reach them, and away from heat source.''

'''Range and Microwave Safety''' 
15. What is the safe way to take a hot pan out of the oven? 
:''using potholders or oven mitts.''

16. What is the safe way to uncover a hot pan on the range? 
:''lift far edge corner first.''

17. What should you do if a fire starts inside the microwave oven? 
:''turn off microwave, and keep door closed 'til fire goes out.''

<center>If you need help, see pages 188-194 in your textbook.</center>

'''44''' 
'''FOOD FOR TODAY RETEACHING ACTIVITIES Copyright © Glencoe'''
}}
}}

===Kitchen Safety outline===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Safety Worksheet 003.jpg
File:CWC Safety Worksheet 004.jpg
</gallery></center>
An outline on kitchen safety. As with the worksheet, Chris failed to absorb most of the guidelines here, unless [[Twitter#29_June_2013|"putting bandages on our Mom's holey buttocks"]] counts as "[guarding] against pests/bugs".
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Christian W. Chandler 
10/29/98 
Food 4 Fit., 7

Safety:

I. A. Hold knife by handle cut away from finders; use cutting board. 
:B. Wash knives seperately. 
:C. Insert beaters or blades before plugging in 
:D. Beware of sharp edges on can lids. 
:E. Clean up glass w. wet paper towel.

II. Prevent Burns: 
:A. Use wooden spoons to stir. 
:B. Use potholders for both stove & microwave. 
:C. Turn pan handles to center. 
:D. Lift far side of pot's lid; so steam escapes away from you. 
:E. Don't put fry pans on table - drape extension cords. 
:F. Run cold water on any burning skin

III. Prevent Fires: 
:A. Keep all flammable materials away from burners. 
:B. Don't wear loose garments; big steeves. 
:C. Keep stove top and oven free of grease; clean hood. 
:D. Smother grease fire; turn off heat, then cover. 
:E. Turn off gas stove... if you smell gas.

IV. Prevent Shocks: 
:A. 1 appliance in 1 outlet at a time; unplug when not in use. 
:B. No fray cords/broken.

→

----

:C. Keep electrical appliances away from water or wet hands. 
:D. Don't stick metal utensils in a toaster.

V. Prevent Falls: 
:A. Clean Up spills. 
:B. Remove anything you might trip over; toys; shoes, etc... 
:C. Use a step stool... not a chair or box. 
:D. Non-slip rugs.

VI. Prevent Spread of Bacteria and Germs. 
:A. Sanitize surfaces; soap<s>,</s> and bleach (use). 
:B. Wash hands. 
:C. Keep hair up. 
:D. don't use stirring spoon to taste. 
:E. sneeze/cough.... rewash hands. 
:F. wash fruits, vegetables, can tops. 
:G. <s>guad a</s> guard against pests/bugs. 
:H. Store foods properly.. shelf life. 
:I. Fats/Protein (meat, fish, milk, eggs, poultry, mago), bacteria grows fast, wash any surface they have been on <s>bf</s> before re-using.

VII. Prevent food poisoning: 
:A. Avoid danger zone, 60°-125°F, when bacteria grows fast.

→
}}
}}

===Kitchen Safety true/false worksheet===
<center><gallery>
File:CWC Safety Worksheet 005.jpg
</gallery></center>
A true/false worksheet on kitchen safety. Chris's answers have been corrected and each has been marked with either a checkmark or a smiley, with no apparent pattern.

{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
''Christian W. Chandler''

<center>Kitchen Safety</center>

True or False

 ''f''  ✓  1. Grease and oils are non-flammable liquids. ["non-flammable" is circled] 
 ''f''  ✓  2. It takes approximately one hour for grease to burst ''15-20 min.'' into flames. 
 ''t''  ✓  3. Tie long hair back while preparing food. 
 ''f''  ✓  4. It is okay to wear long, loose sleeves while cooking. 
''<s>t</s> f'' ☺ 5. The quickest way to put out a glease fire is with water. 
 ''f''  ✓  6. Turn burners on to "high" to allow the frying pan to reach the maximum heat quicker. 
''<s>f</s> t'' ☺  7. If you have a choice, cook on back burners. 
 ''t''  ✓  8. Never move a pan that is on fire. 
 ''t''  ✓  9. If a pan fire occurs, cover quickly with a cookie sheet then turn off the burner. 
''<s>f</s> t'' ☺ 10. If a fire occurs in an oven, shut the door and turn off the heating source. 
 ''t''  ✓ 11. Metal may cause arcing and fires in the microwave. 
''<s>f</s> t'' ☺ 12. Sugars and jellies can reach scalding temperatures in the microwave. 
''<s>t</s> f'' ☺ 13. One-half of fire deaths are caused by kitchen fires. 
 ''f''  ✓ 14. If your clothes catch on fire, run to the nearest water supply. 
 ''t''  ✓ 15. Hairspray is a flammable liquid. ["flammable" is circled] 
 ''f''  ☺ 16. Baking soda is a combustible powder. ["combustible" is circled] 
 ''t''  ☺ 17. Flour is a combustible powder. ["combustible" is circled] 
 ''t''  ✓ 18. Smoke alarms should be checked frequently ''monthly'' to see if they are in working condition. 
 ''f''  ✓ 19. Run hot water on burns.
}}
}}

==References==
<references/>
[[Category:Education]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Jackie E-mails

2015-06-09T16:21:45Z

CaptainOHH: /* Chris's Questionnaire #1 */

{{quote|<poem>Without [[Barbara Chandler|his mommy]]'s pride and kisses
Without [[United States of America|his country]]'s confidence
Without [[Bob Chandler|the dying man]]'s permission
Without no [[Chris and remorse|guilt]] or consequence
This [[Chris and anger|bloody-minded]] [[Christian Weston Chandler|son of a bitch]]
Has not a wound to mend
And all I can do is pray to [[Chris and religion|God]] he'll
Get one in the end</poem>|'''Crash Test Dummies''' get back to ''[[Chris]]''}}

The '''Jackie e-mails''' are a collection of e-mails between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and an innocent woman named [[Jackie]], whom Chris met on [[The Hook Cafe|''The HooK'' Café]]. The e-mails span from 5 [[April 2010]] (around the time [[trolls]] discovered Chris's account at ''The HooK'' Café) to 5 [[August 2011]].

In the first two parts of the collection (until 21 April 2010) Chris goes plenty on about [[Pokémon]], trolls, his war with [[Alec Benson Leary]] and his [[rage]] over THOSE FAKING FAKERS WITH [[Aspergers Syndrome|ASPERGER'S]]. He also still thinks that ''The Lord of the Rings'' had owls in it. Chris claims to be still working on [[Sonichu]] but is seeking to post the comics on Lulu (ironically, a troll scheme was started like this), and setting up a date. The most telling part of this is the prelude to [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris's return to the GAMe PLACe]]. As revealed in these letters, Chris wholly expected everyone inside the store to have forgotten about him and his antics as well as his banning only to learn that all has not been forgiven. As well, Jackie watched the video and became concerned over his antics. Jackie talks about what Chris did [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|on 12 April]]. By this time, however, Jackie is seeing the bigger picture about Chris, especially after she discovers the [[CWCki]], thanks to Chris.

At the end, however, it all goes downhill - Jackie has now learned that Chris doesn't even want to put in the minimum amount of work to even ''keep'' a [[sweetheart]] and, combined with what she learned about Chris's past e-girlfriends and a video he sent to her, Jackie still wants to try for some sort of relationship. However, in the end it's Chris, not Jackie, that ends the relationship - he feels that his lazy ass can't handle the rigors of being in a relationship and realizes that sending her to the CWCki was the stupidest thing ever. Jackie attempts to continue the relationship, providing that Chris becomes less evasive and more honest with her, but this is too much for Chris to manage. In the end, it's Jackie who fires the last shot - she calls him out on what he truly is. Chris falls back on his [[autism]] card and tells her to tell it to someone who'd care.

Which would be everyone except for him.

==The letters==
Jackie's e-mails are in light red; Chris is in light blue.

====Chris is cute?!====
{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 5, 2010 - 6:24pm 
What kind of video games do you play besides [[Guitar Hero]]? I don't have any current consoles but I love my old playstation. I play on my friend's [[wii]] a lot, though. I like drawing and stuff, too.

Anyway, you're kind of cute, hope to hear back from you~~ :)}}

====Chris wants to be played like a PS3====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 5, 2010 - 11:14pm 
I've just read your profile and saw your pic; you are pretty. I guess I'm a suitable candidate for you; I have [[fat|strong]] arms. You have a lot of fun things I totally agree on that we can do together.

To answer your question, I also play [[LittleBiGPlanet]], God of War, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]; I have a wide collection. You would just have fun playing my games (if that's your pleasure), and I think you'd have fun [[Chris humps his PS3|playing me too.]] LOL

I am a [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]] Fanatic also; grew up on it since Pok'emon Red, and I've played a LOT of the [[TCG]] when I was going to the League (I'll tell you more about that later on).

So, magzine editor, huh; which mag? :)

The online thing is cool, but you and I should meet and hang out together ASAP. How about I meet you at the bar you go to (which bar would that be?) this coming friday? Say 6:00 or 7:00 PM?

Please reply and let me know if it is good for you.

Looking forward to your reply, 
Christian.}}

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 6, 2010 - 2:57pm 
Hey, you wrote back! I literally have to run out the door right now but just wanted to let you know I'll write more later tonight. :)

Jackie}}

====STDs: the gift that keeps on giving====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 6, 2010 - 5:38pm 
Jackie, huh? That's a fun name; it goes with your personality well (at least from what I've read so far). It says there that you are a Unitarian; it's cool. I'm a [[Chris and religion|Methodist]].

I wanted to check on this, but considering you've had a lot of [[sex]], have you have yourself checked recently for any STDs? [[Lie|I have to be careful these days]].

We can also talk over the phone if you want; let me know if you want to exchange numbers; if you don't, it's cool.

Waitin' for your next message. 
Christian.}}

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 6, 2010 - 6:41pm 
Hey! Yeah, my name is Jacklyn, but everyone calls me Jackie. So a little more about me: I've never played Little Big Planet, isn't it just like a simple platformer? I was bigger into digimon than pokemon when I was a kid, but I loved red and blue. I bet you would be fun to play, though :)

To answer your question, I haven't really had a lot of sex partners or anything, didn't mean to give that impression - I just love sex when I am with someone. I've only been with six guys in my life. I haven't been tested in a while (never been in a situation where I thought I needed to, btw, but I have just to be careful), I'm seeing my gyno next week. Is testing something you do often? How many partners have you had, if I may ask?

This Friday is too short a notice for me, sorry, I'm swamped with projects this weekend. The school week is pretty much out for me too, I go to school in Staunton, but I come home every weekend. How about we plan on next Friday afternoon, though? In the meantime, we can email and learn more about each other?}}

====From porno to Pokémon====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 6, 2010 - 8:46pm 
That's cool; I can do Friday of next week. As long as I get to meet you and hang and all that.

To answer your question, I am a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]]; I have never had sexual intercourse, but I have watched a number of XXX flicks, and I have a good number of ideas of what to do, and I am not a total nervous flake. [[Chris and Ego|I would not constantly ask, "Is this good for you"]] or "Am I doing it right?" I feel very confident in my abilities and knowledge. I have been checked a few months ago, and [[Honesty|I am clean of any STDs]].

LittleBiGPlanet is kind of a platformer, but it is Customizable; you can create your OWN Levels, Publish them onto the Online LBP Server, and even Play Other People's Published Levels. Plus, the Sackperson is Customizable too; you can even make it look like a Charizard, Totodile, Goldeen, or any other person/animal/plant you want; Male or Female. I have created an Aqua Teen Hunger Force remake of the first two levels of Burgertime (in the Same Level). And more fun, I've created a fun, cute level that simulates a Fun Date, titled "A First Fun Date"; Best Enjoyed with a Couple. Maybe U + Me. ;)

I've been keeping up with Pok'emon up to Diamond/Pearl, and I have all Max Evolved Level 100 Pok'emon in my Diamond card. Including a Blaziken that I originally got in my Ruby, then traded to my Emerald, then moved it to my Diamond, that is Level 100, has earned over 20 Ribbons, and his name is Inuyasha.

Let me give you my e-mail address, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]]@aol.com; it is also my for AIM (and it can communicate with most other IMs). When you send me your first e-mail, please put in the subject, "Hey, It's Jackie" or something like that.

Which college are you going to, and what is your current major?

I look forward to the e-mail. XOXO 
Christian.}}

====What is job?====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 7, 2010 - 7:38am 
My bad; I've just double-checked your profile; you've already graduated from college. So please disregard that last question. But I have to ask, you said you were going to school; is your editorial [[job]] there; please elaborate on that? And what did you graduate from college with?

Have a safe day. 
XOXOXO 
Christian.}}

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 7, 2010 - 3:07pm 
Hey! Don't have a whole lot of time right now, but to answer your question: I actually only work part time as the editor of an in-school paper here. I did graduate from school with a degree in Sociology, but I only got that mostly because I didn't know what I wanted to do and figured I should get some kind of degree (isn't that what we all do, though :). So now I'm going back for my second degree, this time in journalism (hence the editing job, it's an internship for credit as well as a paycheck). Hey, I'll write more later tonight, gotta get back to class.

Jackie}}

====Chris hates authority====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 7, 2010 - 6:06pm 
Very cool; now we have this communication link between us. Let me know if you want to start up an IM session later; I'll check back at about 8 or 9.

It's soo funny, because that's what happened to me at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]. I originally had no clue what to major in at first; I felt fried in the head that day nearly a decade ago when I was starting up there. I picked a major in something of Marketing; it wasn't doing me all that justice, so upon my father's suggestion, I switched to [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]]. I did better in passing there, yet I feel unsure of going into an Architecture job, but at least I have Computer Expertise and Experience under my wing (as well as the Degree and Certificate). At least I made my family happy, and made a major accomplishment of a College Degree.

Although, PVCC wasn't really the best place to be; I had fewer friends than I did back at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]], plus the "Dean of Student Services", [[Mary Lee Walsh]], did not like me that much. Long Story Short, I started my Sweetheart Search back in August of '03 (choice method of attraction way back then was a [[attraction sign|sign]] next to me); she did not approve of it (made an impression that she was against [[Love Quest|True Love]] Searches); there was a major disagreement between us; I was kicked out of PVCC for a year with having to see a psychiatrist and take anger management; finished my major later; and to this day, she still hates me. In a bit of spite against her past attacks against my noble search, I portrayed her as a Witch Villain in my comic book series who caused chaos of destroying all True Love in my city of Cwcville, VA and such. About a year ago, I drew her an Apology Drawing and put it in a nice frame, hoping we could put the past unpleasantness behind us and make peace. A couple of days later after delivery of the drawing to her secretary, she sends me a Trespassing Notice; some "Thank You"...

Also, I stopped the sign usage like back in '04, when I realized that it only made me look retarded, of which I was and am not. The only local college I can even hang around at these days is the [[University of Virginia|UVA]].

{{anchor|Fiddlesticks}}
Speaking of which, I used to go to the ONE Pok'emon TCG League in Charlottesville at [[The GAMe PLACe|The (Game & Hobby) Place]] (Fridays from 5 - 7 PM). After being forced NOT to hook up my Wii to their TV (a few children missed out on the distribution of a Magmortar, Electivre and Surfing Pikachu that night), the "Manager", [[Michael Snyder]] forced me not to. Obviously I was angry at him (He had hated my guts for a long while as well). I later wrote an angry note of "Michael loves the [[Lie|Fiddlesticks]] out of Mary Lee Walsh"; he took it as an offense, and banned me from "his" property. This happened June of '08. In April of '09, I went in, hoping all was forgotten, looking to see if they had some Eye of Judgment cards in stock and how much; a cashier recognized me and he was like, "Did Mike say you could come back here?" I felt disturbed, so without causing trouble, I left peacefully. I'm thinkin' of trying again later this week and see what happens. I'm feelin' more assertive, so if I am asked that again, I will ask if Michael is still the "Manager", and see if the staff is telling the truth then.

But I digress about that history.

I've read you draw your own comics too; I'd like to see what you have drawn. :) Also, what's your favorite kind of music, or favorite singer, musician or band? And please tell me more about yourself.

And please feel free to check out some of my comic pages on my website, the [[Cwcipedia]] (A.K.A. CWC's [[Sonichu]] Site), http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu_Comic_Collection. With that, I should warn you that I am internet famous (it's NOT glamorous); I have a bunch of Internet Bullies and [[Trolls]] trying to bother me. I've had to deal with them quite a bit, and I remain cautious. They have HATE PAGES against me on the web; please pay no attention to them. And you will be safe, as long as I do not talk about you at all online, or you don't talk about me online. For example, don't use my name when blogging or talking about me to anyone else on the internet; you may make up a nickname of me (F.Y.I., my name spelled backwards is off-limits; my bad on that).

I warn you, because I care about you, especially when we're just getting started on being friends and getting to each other. Oh the stories I can share with you.

Hey, we all have our own problems; all we can do is [[Mass Debate|Keep a Happy Thought]]. [[Rape|You're my Happy Thought]], Jackie.

I'll TTYL; Stay Safe, 
Christian.}}

====That's what she said====
{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 7, 2010 - 8:48pm 
Hey, Christian.

A little more about your questions - my favorite band is the Crash Test Dummies, hands down. Something about the main singer's deep voice (I forget his name) just makes their music sound so sensual and romantic, have you ever heard them? I bet you have a nice deep voice. :) Like I said, I'm going to school for journalism, print journalism specifically, I just love current events and the way our world works. I'm sure I'll be able to apply my sociology degree too when I get out of school and get a job. It'll still be about two years before I graduate, though.

Hey, I also saw you said you are autistic. I confess, I don't know much about autism, could you tell me more about what it's like? I knew a kid when I was in grade school that sometimes picked fights with other boys because he had autism, but I didn't know him well, but he got pretty violent. Or maybe he had aspergers, actually - they're the same thing, actually, right? I have a friend who is a therapist and works with children with developmental disorders, I think that's what she said.

Yeah, I had some friends that went into architecture, it's a long process, you have to get a masters before you can use it. But you have a CADD degree, that's cool, computer technology is so interesting because it's everywhere and someone who knows them can get almost any kind of job. What do you do for a living? I bet you're some kind of visual design specialist or consultant for an advertiser or something, right? Judging that because of the degree and how creative you are. That sounds awful about the experience you had with your dean; why does she still hate you? Are you still in contact with her even after graduating? As for the Game Place, you should totally go in and do that, I love when men are assertive and take charge! I think you should go in and tell them that it's only fair that you be allowed back in now after so much time, and if they make a fuss you should demand to speak to the manager so you can hash things out like adults. Let me know how that goes, I want to know!

I don't have any of my comics to send to you with me (not ones that are good enough to show anybody, anyway) but I'll draw some stuff and send it to you soon. I went to your page about your sonichu comic, but when I click on the chapter pages it just has a bunch of weird messages, and one has a picture of [[Clyde Cash|some guy from the Jersey Shore]] or something, did you send me to the wrong website? I'd still love to see some of your sonichu. But I'm surprised I haven't heard of it before, if you have trolls that must mean you have fans and are kind of popular too, right? What do they troll you about? But thank you so much for warning me and being upfront and honest with me, that's very sweet and I'm glad you care :) I don't think I'll be able to IM tonight, I think I'm kind of getting a little flu and want to get to bed early so I have plenty of rest. But I want to hear more of these stories, you sound like you've had a very interesting life.

I'll be thinking of you ~ ~

Jackie}}

====Chris got his degree for Cwcville====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 7, 2010 - 11:07pm 
I thought Crash Test Dummies may be the band; I've read you went to a concert of theirs recently, but I wanted to make sure. I've heard a sample of them from Napster; they do sound good. You may also like Celtic Thunder; they're good too. I do have a [[Chris and health#Other deformities|deep bass voice]], although sometimes it does go up in pitch, but I'm working on that.

Please don't get me started with [[Aspergers]]; I have nothing against the people, it's just that I can not accept Aspergers and Autism being of the same classification. In my opinion, Aspergers is not as fierce as Autism; they have Better Social Skills, and they are Less likely to become low-functioning [[retards]]. However, in my experience with my Autism, I have in my childhood did not talk from 1.5 to 7 years of age (I first spoke at 6 weeks with "Monkey"; likely trying to say "Mommy"; I was with her while she was shopping that day). I did not pick many fights, although because they did not understand Autism and were scared, about 4th and 5th grade, the staff of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathaniel Greene Elementary]] pinned me down on the floor and tape-recorded my screams, and they tried to put me in a mental institution. My [[mom]] and [[dad]] did not want that, so we move to Chesterfield County where I was continued to be mainstreamed at [[Chris's education#Providence Middle School|Providence Middle]] and Manchester High; I took a lot of Coping Skill courses as well. I feel I have overpowered some of my symptoms, such as social shyness, yet I still have some trouble maintaining eye-contact, unless I Have a Strong, Good emotional bond with the other person. You can learn more of the autistic traits on autism.org, or look it up on wikipedia.

Actually, I am not currently employed; I've been concentrating on my Sonichu books the past number of years, although I have worked at a [[Wendys]] then with [[Cutco]] cutlary for a while. I am looking to work at the new [[Wal-Mart]] here in [[Ruckersville]] that will be opening in a few months. The store is not currently selectable on the online application site, so I'm waiting for that. I've been on [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]] in the meantime, and I am managing it [[Chris and money|well]].

I use what I've learned in CADD to help me better design my buildings and surroundings of Cwcville. I even have printed blueprints for a two-story Mall, WITH a Mayor's Office on the 2nd floor, overlooking the Front Entrance from the last CADD class I took at PVCC. It also has a Pok'emon Center Store, like they had in New York City before they turned it into a Nintendo Store.

I have not been in contact with Mary since that last trip to PVCC. As for reasons why she still has a thing against me, 1) There was that time in her office I overreacted and raised my voice against her (really scared her); no physical violence, but I did [[curse]] her with bad luck and misfortune. I removed it remotely when I drew that apology drawing about a year ago. 2) I portrayed her constantly as a Witch in my stories, which I later remedied by a) changing the character name to "Slaweel Ryam", which is a [[Chris and English|palindrome]] of "Mary Lee Walsh" (minus the "H"), and b) removing that character in Book 10 in the final confrontation between me and her. 3) Following the Character Representation, I gave her a Local Bad Rap at PVCC; a number of students who did not see eye-to-eye with her either.

And BTW, thanks for letting me know about that; I did send you the correct link, but the deal was you click [show] then click a page to view; the "Issue #" links were originally left blank, but a month ago, a troll and his crew managed to Hack into the impenetrable security of the site (even though it is Wikipedia-Editable-Style, and ONLY I, the SysOp and GoogleAds have Full Control of editing ANYTHING on the Cwcipedia); they just slandered it with grotesque image replacements, page edits and whatnot. The SysOp and I managed to clean up most of the mess, but some things are likely overlooked, so Thank You, Jackie for finding that error for me. I am reprogramming them to redirect to Page 1 of their respective books. I also have good HTML education and experiences. I created the Original "[[CWC's Sonichu Site!|CWC's Sonichu Site]]", as well as my past "CWC's Pok'eSite 2!" from raw HTML and PC Notepad scratch. Then I found Netscape Composer later on. I still have a lot of HTML knowledge in between my memory and my notes I took, plus I can look up the code when I need it in Google or something.

Yes I do have a lot of fans, and I appreciate their support, but due to the Troll stress I've been dealing with for the past 2.5 years (since November 2007 when I first found the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page of me they started). Since then, I have learned and continue to use better internet caution, most difficult passwords, and keeping my real life OFF of the internet, so the trolls won't know who to threaten in real life or come after me in further bully attacks. Between them all, a few trespassed into our yard, placed a wrongful sign there, and egged our house. Some have [[Prank calls|pranked and threatened phone-called]] us between our house phone and mine and my mother's cell phones (mine mostly; thank God for Caller ID). Plus I have been in and out of online relationships, that went nowhere in-person. Some "Women" were actually Men pretending to be women. And among the Real Women, they either [[Ivy|died]], [[Pandahalo|got raped]], or were coerced to their "[[Kacey|Dark Side]]". At least I do have a few Real Friends helping protect me and my work from the trolls.

That's another thing, in my life, I have had mostly [[gal pal|female friends]], as well as a few male friends/acquaintances. Yet I am still a straight man missing out on the action. One count was that up until I turned 21, I was naive and dumb on the subject of Dating (I did take sex-ed in high school, and I've started watching man-on-woman porn at 16). Within the past few years recently, I've developed the idea of [[Dating Education]] Classes; The School System SHOULD have taught that Alongside or Before Sexual Education. God knows it would have wised me up a lot sooner. There's an episode in my comics describing the basic idea of a Dating Education Class.

But I digress. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. My advice; drink plenty of water and Orange Juice, and eat Chicken Noodle Soup. Plus the anti-flu/cold medication, such as Tylenol, or a Non-Aspirin substitute, such as what drug stores like CVS sell. And rest/relaxation of course. You can draw, play your Playstation, read or whatever you feel like within your reach.

Feel better soon, and stay safe, Sweetie. 
XOXOXO 
Christian.}}

====No pictures! It's a trap!!====
{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 8, 2010 - 5:48pm 
Hey, Chris! I'll write more later (I'm sure you see the pattern, but daytime is pretty busy for me these days), but can I ask you to write to me at [censored] from now on? Yahoo mail is screwing up for me lately.

Jackie}}

{{quotebox|Chris 
April 8, 2010 - 1:57pm 
I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your sweetness and compassion you have shown me so far; please keep it up. Also, I wanted to ask, you live in Charlottesville and you commute to Staunton for your college and work; is that correct? Do you live by yourself, roommate or with your family? And tell me a bit about your family; mom, dad, sisters/brothers and such. I want to hear more stories of you too; my life is interesting, but I want to hear more about you too.

I'll be thinking fondly of you too, Sweetie, and I hope you are feeling better. 
Have a sweet day and stay safe, 
XOXOXO 
Christian.}}

{{quotebox|Chris 
April 8, 2010 - 2:03pm 
I've copied your pic and I am using it as the wallpaper on my [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] (it's rotated, so I have to rotate my PSP to see you upright). May I have some more pics of you, please? I'm thinking one that would be perfect is a photo of you relaxing on your bed reading your book, so then it can be like I'm chillin' with you. Also, I like your hair style and it's color; it looks natural. ;)}}

====Chris gets a lesson on Asperger's Syndrome====
{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 8, 2010 - 6:02pm 
Hey! I got a little break time to write in.

So that's weird what you say about autism and aspergers not being linked. Like I said I have that friend of mine who is a clinical psychologist and works with helping autistic children develop skills and socialize and stuff like that, and she says that aspergers is actually just another kind of autism. I went to that autism.org website and typed in aspergers, and the first page that came up had this on it: "Sometimes people assume everyone who has autism and is high-functioning has Asperger's syndrome. However, it appears that there are several forms of high-functioning autism, and Asperger's syndrome is one form." So aspergers really is a form of high-functioning autism then, right? My friend says that aspergers wasn't really classified until 1994 or something, so it's a really recent development in the field of psychology, maybe your information is just a little out of date? But you said your school teachers tape-recorded your screams? Why would they do that? Maybe they were just trying to help you? I know when I was about 6 I had to get a routine shot at the doctors office but I hated needles and was so scared, I screamed and fought and they needed three nurses to hold me in place... it was scary at the time, but I know they didn't mean me harm. (I respect those doctors and nurses for having to handle scared little kids like that, must be heartbreaking for them to know they can't comfort a scared kid like that.)

So you're not employed but you're applying at Wal-Mart? It's good that your looking for a job, but don't you want to make use of your CADD degree? I know I was annoyed when I first got out of school the first time because it was hard to find jobs with my sociology degree, that's part of why I went back, I wanted to augment it with something. You should go into design or advertising or something like that. I'm still a little confused on what Cwcville is, is it in your sonichu cartoon? I'm sorry, I still haven't read any of your sonichu :(... is it a comic that has a lot of architecture themes? How do you apply your CADD degree to it? If you haven't talked to your Dean, that's probably good, why do you think she is still mad at you though? I think most people are pretty forgiving. Hey, are you still planning on going to that Game Place though? I'm really excited to hear what happens there! I think it's SO sexy when a man stands up for himself... :')

I'm sorry to hear you've been unlucky in love... I know exactly what that's like. You said some of your girlfriends have been raped though!? That's horrible, I am SO sorry that you and they had to go through that. Can you tell me a little about that? Unless it's too private or painful, if it's none of my business then just ask me to leave it be, I know how traumatic such an experience can be (I have a friend who was raped in high school, her life was almost completely ruined, she still has trouble trusting people, it's so sad).

I don't know if dating education could work though, I don't know how that would work really, I don't think dating is something that can really be taught, it depends on whether two people have a connection I think (kind of like what you and I have :). Um, not to be rude or anything sweetie, but I would suggest that you don't talk about watching porn in our emails where we're still getting to know each other... I know you say you have trouble being shy and knowing what to say sometimes sweetie, just helping you out :)

Anyway, I gotta go now, but write me back! I can't wait to hear about what happens at the Game Place!

Jackie}}

====She likes Sonichu... >_<====
{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 8, 2010 - 6:54pm 
Hey sweetie! Got a little more free time than I thought I would have, so I went to look at some of your sonichu comic. I love it! It's so edgy, I like the page you just put up on the front page where sonichu is holding a rifle and threatening his enemy (who is that guy? or is it supposed to be a girl, he has a skirt?). So, what is this current plot arc or story or whatever?

Also, I was thinking about the Game Place thing a little more, I wanted to tell you that you should do it like a sit-in: if they pick a fight with you, just sit down on the ground peacefully until they agree to resolve it with you. Peaceful resistance, just like what Gandhi did, you know? But it sounds kind of like they might try to deny things or lie like they did before, I think you should record it, maybe? Because they are discriminating against you and all, I mean it would be a good idea to have a recording in case you need to prove that they lied later, so they can't do a "our word against yours" thing to you. Sorry, I'm just really excited to hear how that goes!

Oh, and some more of your questions: my family lives in Charlottesville but I stay in the dorm in Staunton with three roommates; I go to [censored], actually, but I almost always come home and stay in Charlottesville with my parents on the weekends. My parents have been married for 30 years (just had their anniversary in October), I have one younger sister who's still in high school, and an older brother who lives in Pennsylvania, he's a pediatrician, actually. And you're so sweet about my picture! I'll take some more and send them to you in a bit. I like that you can see me whereever you go now :)

Talk to you soon,

Jackie ~ ~ :')}}

====Chris's only friends: trolls and his parents====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 8, 2010 - 11:09pm 
Hey, Sweetie. Thank you for letting me know about your new e-mail address. BTW, I've noticed in the "From" field of the e-mails, it says "Jacklyn [censored]"; please verify if [censored] is your last name. Also, that rifle-image you saw on the Cwcipedia, that is another Troll Problem of mine. See, this dude, Alec Benson Leary, who made up his own fanfiction of my Sonichu works, [[Asperchu]], has been trying to 1-up me for months now. He purchased the adspace on the Cwcipedia, and once in a while, he makes a damn attempt to grind my gears and steal my fans by putting up his badly drawn stuff in the adspace. [[Alec Benson Leary calls|I had talked with him before to not do that, and he still does it]], and I do not appreciate it. I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive, and after seeing his pages, and what he was doing in crappy parody of me and my characters, it pisses me off. Also, that guy on that page; that is a bad facsimile of me; I did [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|a video]] on my YouTube in a Kilt for a past girlfriend, who dumped me; [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|I moved on]].

The story of [[The Wallflower|that girlfriend]]; she and I had met at a social even; we found lots in common; we were starting work on a book of a King who was changed into a Guiding Owl (like the Owl of Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings). I came up with the concept. I created a sample of the story in a LittleBiGPlanet Level; a Foretaste, and I said it was a "Chris Chan/Damien Anteria" (her pen name) production. My trolls had the know of me finding this lady, but not of her real name. I had thought using her pen name was safe; she had some of her own fanfiction online. But she had to have a damn [[Facebook]] Page. The trolls found her real name and info; made up a mockery page of her on one of their websites; she was informed and [[Wallflower E-mails 3|became really angry at me and dumped me]]. Even worse, they pestered her and her family with phone calls and pretending to be me. It made me very sad, and I suffered a lingering heartache for over two weeks. I recovered a while later, and I moved on.

With that, about the past girlfriend who was raped; she lived in Australia; we were getting along great on Skype talk for months. Then the Troll, [[Clyde Cash]], found her and flew all the way there and Raped her. After that, I had not heard from her. She was going to come to Virginia and continue our relationship in person after she graduated from her college there. I had later read of the Australian bushfires that spread and took a number of lives. Without a word from her, I had assumed she was dead. It left me very sad for weeks. I did [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special|special dedications]] for her now and then. Then, well over a year later, [[Clyde_E-mails#Panda_Correspondence_.E2.80.94_March_17.2C_2010|I FINALLY get to hear from her again]], through Clyde Cash. Apparently after that rape, she not only got knocked-up, but she became a sex addict, and she left Australia, married and moved in with Clyde.

I will never forgive Clyde; he had hacked into my e-mail accounts, ebay, my Past Tripod Webhost Account, as well as a few others that later followed. And he managed to spend off of my debit card on Amazon. Fortunately, I had successfully undid that damage, with changing my bank account numbers and getting a new card. I almost lost my PayPal as well, but I managed to save that. He also pestered me with phone calls, [[Hooker incident|sending unwanted prostitutes to my house]] (who my family and I later turned into the police and had arrested with a quick photo of their front license plate on their car). He also hacked into my Playstation Network account twice. He has done too much for me to ever forgive him, that damn son of a bitch.

Going back to Alec, he was a dude who disagreed with me and my view of the Autism/Asperger issue; he has Aspergers. That disagreement was one factor in our disputes and his attacks on my Cwcipedia. And the Autism/Asperger issue, YES I will admit SCIENCE stupidly decided to link the two, but as an [[Slow-in-the-mind|individual person]], I do not, and I will not ever agree with them. All it is really is [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|MOVING the Spotlight from us Autistics to the Aspergers]]. I have had to suffer and recover in my whole lifetime with my autism; I refuse to let something that has a name that sounds like a bad cut of meat and is NOT as Special as us take our light away.

As for ANY "pages" that appear wrongfully on my website's adspace, Please disregard and ignore those; they are NOT mine, and I have never approved of them.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

Anyway, you have a great idea on my thing at the Game Place; a Sit-In. I will remember that if they give me trouble and don't want to resolve it and make peace. Although I would first give them my scary, [[The Creepy Stare |intimidating glare of anger]] . That is something I'd rather do than violence. The only time I would throw a punch would be in self-defense. [[CWC Fighter|I'm a tough fighter]].

Dating Education can work, because there are a LOT of people who have little knowledge of what to say or do when asking a person of their opposite gender out as well as the concept of where to go and do for the dates. I mean Sexual Education ALONE is okay, but the question still would remain for those who do not know, HOW DO WE EVEN GET TO DATE #1 that would lead to that? It does not come natural to some; it was not natural for me.

Currently I am living with my mom and dad; they're retired now, but my father, [[Robert Franklin Chandler Jr]], was an Engineer with General Electric. He designed the controls for Plastic Molding machines and others. Without my dad, we would not have something as simple as the plastic soda bottles. My mom, [[Barbara Ann Weston Chandler]], did mostly secretarial work and recovery for Virginia Power (which is now Dominion Power) and First North American National Bank (FNANB). I have two half-brothers and a half-sister. Joseph [[Cole Smithey]], of my mother, is currently in New York City, living with his girlfriend and her family, and is a movie reviewer with a website; http://www.colesmithey.com. Of my dad, Dr. David Alan Chandler is an Optometrist in Chesterfield County; he is married and has a daughter named Savannah. And then there's Carol Suzanne Chandler; she got a PhD in Math; last my father and I heard, she was working with the Government in D.C.

To answer your question of wanting to something with my degree, other than architecture (which that job does not thrill me), I feel uncertain of which local jobs I could get with it, especially their availability of being open for application in constant question; it's a low availability.

I have heard of [censored] before; good place. My father pointed it out for me a few times when we visited Staunton in my past. Mom and dad used to take me sometimes to the Gypsy Hill Park's Playground (it's the park with the big duck pond and the little train that runs in warm weather for the children. :) There's also a baseball field and a pool. We also sometimes enjoy(d) dining at Country Cookin' restaurants; there's one in a mall there in Staunton; you may be able to find its address on countrycookin.com.

There's a number of [[Nudes|good pictures]] of me on the Cwcipedia, look up the page, "Christian in his own words"; there is an expandable gallery of photos on the bottom. I look forward to seeing more photos of you; have fun with them. :)

Let me guess, since you're living in Staunton, the bar you go to on some Fridays is in Staunton also? It is cool; I have driven myself to Staunton before, so I am capable of coming to you. As for our plan for our meet next Friday; did you have in mind you coming to C-Ville for that date, or should I plan on making the trip to you? I'm just clarifying it. If I was to come over there, and it gets late, I'll probably have to crash at your place for the night. So, please let me know in your reply. ;)}}

====Photoshop bad. Hand-drawing good.====
{{quotebox|Chris 
April 8, 2010 - 11:19pm 
I hit Send instead of Save Draft before I finished that e-mail.

The main story of my comics are within My Pages; my hand-drawing style is easy to recognize, so please don't confuse it with anyone else's (especially Alec), as well as messed-up photoshop versions the trolls have put together in the past.

I'll wrap this up for now, and I am looking forward to meeting you, and I will be continuing to think of you fondly. You [[mass debating|warm up my heart]], Jackie. :)

Stay Safe, 
XOXOXO 
Christian.}}

====Jackie loves Asperchu====

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 9, 2010 - 4:54pm 
Wow, you have a lot to say, don't you? :)

I understand your hesitation about not knowing what kind of job you can get with your degree, like I said, I've been there too. You should do what I did and go back to school! Now that you're older I'm sure you've thought a lot about what type of career you'd like to have, you can go back and get any kind of degree you want, maybe you can also find a way to use your first one like I'm doing.

But you know, I followed the link of that Asperchu on the front page and spent over two HOURS reading it last night, I thought it was so funny and well-written, honey I'm so sorry, I thought it was YOURS! I can't believe that about that guy that draws it, that's just terrible. But I'm surprised a troll would go to such lengths, he's still drawing it every day and making updates and writing letters to his fans, even though you don't seem to care about Asperchu anymore, why would he keep doing that if you weren't paying attention? Did you maybe try talking to him nicely about the adspace and finding out why he was doing it, it just seems weird to me that he would keep doing that unless he had a reason. Anyway, enough of that, I was disappointed because I was looking for your recent comic pages but it doesn't look like you've been drawing much lately...? I thought Sonichu was so important to you considering how much you loved telling me about it, I thought it was like a daily webcomic that you did like Asperchu was, it seemed like that was your focus since you're not employed. And I'm kind of confused, is Sonichu supposed to be a children's comic? Because you censor swearing and have important morals and things like a kid's cartoon would have all over the place, but then you have stuff like that violent trial, where you killed those strange children (couldn't figure out who they were in the story, btw)... I like a story with violence, believe me, but I'm just confused who the target audience is?

And honey, I'm not really sure why you say science is "stupid", scientists put a lot of time and research into their work, like my psychiatrist friend. I don't get why you think autism is about having a "spotlight", I mean, people with aspergers have big problems too, my friend works with quite a few children with aspergers, its no picnic, they work their whole lives to overcome their effects too. Besides, if aspergers is a type of autism, then wouldn't you all just share the same "spotlight", what's wrong with that? I mean, everyone who has a problem they need help with deserves some attention, don't you think?

Anyway, I would love to see some new comics on your site, I'm gonna be honest, I really want a guy who's motivated, you know? Have you gone to the Game Place yet? Make sure you do record yourself being peaceful so they can't lie and turn it against you. I'm still excited to hear how it goes!

TTYS,

~ ~ Jackie ~ ~}}

====Comics on Lulu, Chris is still working, Chris hates Aspergers====

{{quotebox|Chris 
April 9, 2010 - 8:46pm 
I am uncertain of going back to school at the moment, and I am still uncertain of what career I feel would be best for me. I have printed the message, and I will keep your suggestion in my mind. Thank you. :)

Sonichu has been, and still is, very important to me. As for the contents of the 10th book, with [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|the Trial]] and anything to do with Alec and those guys, will be swapped out for new pages I am working on. I've been on a hiatus from the internet, and recovering the inspiration to get back to my work, Free of most Troll Influence. It was that influence that made me feel such irritation to draw what I drew there. I originally started the books, YES for a rating of TV-Y7, and that same influence from the past few years drew me to go into [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|adult themes]].

I lost focus, and I am regaining it from the hiatus. In a short while, I plan on putting my #0 book onto Lulu.com, to see how that would work, and let that go on a monthly new release. With reasonable page-removal/swapping, so it can be of TV-Y7 rating. Within the first 10 books, I put too much of myself into the story (a later-learned big mistake). But as I had stated in that book, [[Lie|I will be making less appearances]], and letting the stories focus more around Sonichu and [[Rosechu]], as it should have been. And the villains will be less real-life based; thank God for my creation of [[Count Graduon]]; he will possess Metal Sonichu on the moon and make his return in 12 or later. I am very motivated.

I do agree, everyone who has a problem deserve some attention. My [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|opinions on the asperger symptom]] is just a piece of my OCD, and I feel the topic is better less discussed around me. Very much the same as my opinion on how my characters are being wrongfully portrayed by other people, because I feel it is an invasion into my world as I see and have made of it. But as long as I am still alive, all of the ideas and status of Sonichu, Rosechu, the city of Cwcville, and all that continue to remain sound and good as I see it.

I feel my comics are LESS of a webcomic and more of paper comic; I only shared it on the Sonichu Site originally, because it was a part of the Sonichu Universe. A big difference in webcomics and paper comics, from my point of view, webcomics are more of a daily panel, like in a newspaper, or if full-page, they are more likely computer-drawn, and they do appear on a daily basis. Paper Comics are the FULL books, where the whole story is elaborated, and it gets told on a monthly or so basis. I feel my books are better off as Monthly, since it is on Paper, and there are a LOT of pages and Sound Thought put into them.

New comics pages WILL be put up onto the [[Cwcipedia]] in due time, and for right now, I am concentrating on going self-publishing with Lulu, getting them better edited for the TV-Y7 audiences, and continuing with my stories. And I am also concentrating on my real life and seeking out the True Love I have been looking for, and I am thinkin' it'll be with you, Jackie-Heart. ;) I have a ton in mind for my "Second Season"; the stories are of my idea for the video game I often advertised on the backs of my books, "[[Sonichu Adventure|Sonichu's Adventure]]". Basically, it is the stories of adventures between Sonichu, Rosechu and each of the [[Chaotic Combo|other main Electric-Hedgehogs]]. Like for example, Wild Sonichu's story is of after he loses his father to some Pok'emon poachers (possibly of Team Rocket and Giovanni), and years later, he hears the call of his father from afar, and he sets forward to find and rescue him. The ending being he finds his Scyther father evolved to a Scizor, and it draws into a plot [[Ripped off|similar]] to that in Star Wars between Luke and Vader.

I will be making the trip to [[the Game Place]] within the next few days; I [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|will bring a recorder to get the event down]], and I will let you know how it turns out.

Anyway, I would like to talk more about you as well as me, so please fill me in on some your own memories and events. Like you can tell me some of your high school or college stories, some of the things that happen while you're relaxing, hanging out or whatever. And I still would like the confirmation on our plans for our meeting date; do tell what you have in mind, Sweetie. <3

I'm thinking fondly of you. You stay safe, and have a good day.

XOXOXOXO 
Christian.}}

====Answer: No, Chris can't sing====

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 9, 2010 - 9:09pm 
Hi honey :)

I'm glad you'll think about going back to school, it's important to have goals. I'm curious, why did you pursue the CADD degree in the first place?

I don't have much time to talk, I'm exhausted. I spent six hours in class today and then had to work at the paper for another four, now I've got a huge anthropology project I need to start putting together. What about you, what did you do today? You must have drawn some pages today, right? How about Lulu, did you get any of your books up there yet? I know a couple people that have published stuff on Lulu, like poetry books and stuff, they say it's really easy and quick, the website pretty much does all the work for you. Oh! When exactly are you going to the Game Place? I'm really excited about it. If you're not doing anything tomorrow you should go then!

Hey, you know I was showing our emails to my roommate and talking about you with her, and when she saw the part where you said you have a deep voice, and I was wondering... do you sing at all? It'd be nice to hear your voice.

~ ~ Jackie ~ ~}}

====Chris is lazy, Hates simple chores====

{{quotebox|Chris 
April 10, 4:20pm 
I'll go to the Game Place after [[Church]] tomorrow, and I'll be getting started on Lulu.com today. I have a few new pages drawn, but I ask you to not [[Stress|pressure]] me on that every e-mail, please. To talk about it every once in a while is cool.

I have videos on YouTube of myself (the most recent has my deep voice, and there are a few of me [[Chris and music#Singing|singing]]); my current account is ChristianWChandler (http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler), and my past account (lost the password long ago, and have been unable to log back into it) is CChan6789 (http://www.youtube.com/user/CChan6789). Plenty of past vocal and singing videos between the two. :) Although, I did sometimes act a bit [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|immature]]; I am only human, so please disregard those.

I think I've said this before, but originally, out of confusion, my original major was something of Marketing. After consultation with my father, I later switched to CADD as my major. So, I had two reasons for the CADD; it dealt with computers, and because of my father. His intentions were good; he was thinking of possible job opportunities for me and whatnot.

I have been helping my family with chores lately; moving tree branches, disposing of garbage, as well as a few errands. Yesterday, I went out for groceries; I put a Phillips 2003 Flat-Screen TV (with a big back) into my car to either be sold at a pawn shop or donated to the new Goodwill that will be opening soon in Ruckersville. And today, I'll be changing the flea/tick collars on my [[Chandler Cats|three cats]]; Lucy, Kitty and Scamper. Photos of the cats are attached, as well as a photo of my late dog, [[Patti]]; she died June of 2006 at 18 years of age. She was a sweet and good dog. Kitty was close friends with her.

I'm going to head to Lulu.com now, so I'll send another e-mail later. I still need confirmation of the details of our little date next Friday.

Stay Safe, and have a good day, Sweetie. :-* 
XOXOXO 
Christian.}}

====Jackie urges Chris to record the Game Place audio====

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 10, 2010 - 5:47pm 
Hey!

Aw, your cats are cute! So it sounds like yesterday you just took it easy, hm? We all need days like those, I remember about a month ago I came home one weekend and just helped my dad wash and wax his car (he loves classic cars, we always bonded over that stuff when I was little), then we went for a long bike ride, it was just a fun, relaxing day. What's a busy day like for you? I'm sorry if I was pressuring you, but... you loved to share your updates with me on the comic, I thought you were doing it all the time. I mean, you're 28 and you don't have a job, I thought the comic was what you were going for professionally.

I'm glad you're going to the store tomorrow! Hey, like I said, when you go to the Game Place, make SURE you bring your camera and record it, it's very important you have a record of the whole thing so they can't lie later about you. I can't wait to hear the results! Oh, and about the date, since I'll be coming home to Charlottesville, I was thinking you could pick a place that you like, maybe. What kind of places do you like to go?

Let me know how things go,

~ ~ Jackie ~ ~}}

====Jackie's Questionnaire 1====

{{quoteboxred|Jackie 
April 10, 2010 - 7:46pm 
Hey, my roommate showed me a little questionnaire she did when she met her new boyfriend to help them get to know each other, I thought it would be a cute way for us to learn a few more things about each other. I don't have it in front of me but I'll put the questions I remember and then give my answers.

What is your favorite time of day? Mine is in the evening.
 When did you have your first kiss? I was 16.
 Who was your childhood hero? Mine was Spider-man.
 Have you ever been outside the country? If so, where to? I've never been, although I almost went to France once.
 How old were you when you learned Santa Clause isn't real? I don't think I ever really believed in Santa, actually.
 When was the first time you fell in love? I was 17... it didn't last very long.
 When was the saddest time in your life? For me, probably when my parents got divorced when I was a kid. (They got back together, thankfully.)
 When was the happiest time in your life? I think the first time I fell in love was... again, didn't last very long.

I don't remember any other questions, but I'd love to see your answers!

Kisses,

~ ~ Jackie ~ ~}}

====Chris's Questionnaire #1====

{{quotebox|Chris 
April 11, 2010 7:49am 
Firstly, Sonichu and Rosechu ARE a top priority project of mine, and I AM [[CWC Blog#10 March 2010|working on going Professional]] with the books. Originally, and mostly, it was a hobby of mine, and I do have some fun with the drawing and coloring. But of course life isn't just about comic book pages; I felt partially empty, because I have not had a woman as a [[Sweetheart]] by my side in real life. And I've had my troubles with the internet bullies; that only made me feel weighed down emotionally. But as I live on, off of the internet and [[Anti Troll Movement Video1|putting]] [[100 2270|the trolls]] [[100 2267|behind me]], and being found by you, Jackie. :) I am feeling a better sense of peace and happiness.

To answer that set of questions...

-What is your favorite time of day? I'd say the evening/night.
 -When did you have your first kiss? Depends. If you mean for me to kiss a woman outside of my family on the cheek, then that would be when I was 19. If you mean mouth-to-mouth with optional tongue-play, then I have not done that in my life yet.
 -Who was your childhood hero? I had two; first was the [[American Rabbit]], then Sonic the Hedgehog dashed in.
 -Have you ever been outside the country? If so, where to? I have never been outside of the [[United States]].
 -How old were you when you learned [[Santa Clause]] isn't real? Learned: I'm not sure; maybe 15 or 16. Gave up on Santa: 24 (when he would not [[Women's Rights|bring me a woman to be mine]] for three years).
 -When was the first time you fell in love? First time ever, I was in the 3rd Grade; her name was Tiffany Robbinson; she was a pretty girl. We hung out and talked often. Then during the 4th Grade, she dumped and left me.
 -When was the saddest time in your life? When my dog, Patti, passed away on June 27, 2006.
 -When was the happiest time in your life? After you found, contacted and made me feel better, Jackie-Heart. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Answering short questions like those, telling my life stories, or even just talkin' about whatever with you; I feel better discussing those over work-topics or things that really grind my gears in extended periods. I think you can relate with me on that.

Let me ask you a few more questions...

-What are some TV shows you like to watch? I enjoy the classics, such as "[[I Love Lucy]]" and [[Red Skelton]], but I also enjoy some of today's adult comedies like "[[Family Guy]]", "[[South Park]]", "[[The Simpsons]]", and I also like "[[Seinfeld]]" and "Friends" to name a few.
 -What is your dream? I have a [[Dreams|dream]] where I feel I am destined to have a [[Daughter]] named Crystal Weston Chandler with my future wife. Also, if there is a boy later, I like the name [[Reginald]] for him.
 -What is your favorite color? I like Blue, specifically [[Chris and art#Choices of materials and technology|Crayola's Battery-Charged Blue]].
 -When's your birthday? I was born February 24, 1982.
 -Name a place where you can feel a sense of peace and happiness hanging around in. I like a sunny day at a grassy field with a few trees in the mountains.
 -What's your favorite ice cream flavor? I like Mint/Chocolate Chip.
 -What's your favorite pizza topping? I like Spinach (mushrooms optional).
 -What is a word you just really hate hearing/being called? [[Naive]]; it questions my mentality and experience.
 -What is your favorite school subject? [[Autism|I enjoyed Math.]]

Also, I like doing Sudoku puzzles; do you sudoku?

I gtg get ready for [[church]] now; I will be going by the Game Place afterwards, and I will let you know how that goes later.

Stay Safe, Sweetie. 
Hugs and Kisses, 
Christian.}}

====Places in Charlottesville====

{{quotebox|Chris 
April 11, 2010 - 8:28am 
As for places I like to go, we can meet by the Starbucks Kiosk in Fashion Square Shopping Center. Or we can meet up in the Downtown Mall by the Paramount. I am open for your suggestions as well. Please let me know what time will be good for you; currently, I'm thinking 4:00 PM. Also, I've just checked on readthehook.com, and I have found a bit of good music entertainment on the 16th; Bob Bennetta will be playing in Fellini's #9 at 6:00. And we'll see [[Hanky-panky|where the night leads us]]. ;)

TTYL. XOXOXOXO 
Christian.}}

==See also==
*[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]
*[[To Jackie, with Love.MOV]]
*[[Song for Jackie.MOV]]
*[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 01]]

Manajerks

2015-05-31T17:07:14Z

CaptainOHH: /* Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice) */

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Image:B-manajerk_real.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's rendition of what the B-Manajerk may have actually looked like, based on Chris's descriptions.]]

'''Manajerks''' (a [[Wikipedia:Portmanteau|portmanteau]] of "manager" and "[[JERKS|jerk]]") are villains featured in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], most prominently in the [[Sub-Episodes]], who regularly antagonize [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic book counterpart]]. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his [[Love Quest]]. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly have to defeat.

==Origins==
Chris coined the term in [[CWC's Diary]] to describe the two Charlottesville [[Wal-Mart]] managers who confronted him on 22 June 2005. He has since used it in reference to other perceived enemies, including the managers of his local [[Target]], the management of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], [[Michael Snyder]], and another Wal-Mart manager who ejected him from the chain's Ruckersville location in the summer of 2013.

==Manajerks in real life==
Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.

At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a [[Chris|patron]] who loiters in [[Get-Tar Region|the workplace]], purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be [[Chris and health|unwilling to shower]] and had numbers of pairs of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|dirty crapped briefs]], his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold [[Attraction Sign|a sign]] expressing his desire for [[Chris and sex|intimate relations]] with young [[Chris and race|white]] [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]], it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron [[autism|crude and bizarre]]. Even worse, if such a patron were to [[Mal-Wart|vandalize store property]] or engage in similar property destruction, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes [[Chris and negotiation|unresponsive or difficult]], even to the point of, say, [[GameStop Assault|assaulting said manager with pepper spray]], the manager may also be charged with contacting the [[Jerkop|proper authorities]] to have him escorted ([[Kick the Autistic|forcibly, if need be]]) from the premises.

==Manajerks in ''Sonichu''==
In the pages of ''Sonichu'', manajerks, like [[jerkop|jerkops]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|college deans]], [[CADD Chef|CADD instructors]], and other [[Jerkhief|authority figures]], are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing [[video games]], building [[Heart Torch of Fail|crude sculptures]] with [[Pixelblocks]], and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local [[GameStop]]),<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.

Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Chris-hating team]], with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-[[virgin]], anti-[[autistic]], etc.

Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of [[CWCville]] during their invasions,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_25</ref> the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] or [[McDonald's]], which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.

Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of [[Fashion Square Mall]]; he's fighting in the ''Fa-Square'', of the ''Sho-Mall Region''. Target is similarly referred to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] refers to manajerk [[ScotPalazzo]] as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in [[CWCville]] that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.

===B-Manajerk===
[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Based on a True Story.]]

B-Manajerk was a manajerk first featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. To date, he is one of the only villains that Chris has ever been able to defeat single-handedly, as almost every other one-on-one fight Chris has ever had in the comics inevitably ended with him getting beaten half to death [[Chris and writing|until he was saved by another character]]. Not much is known about the B-Manajerk, not even his real name. What little we do know comes from Chris's own records of their encounters, as described below. If Chris's accounts are anything to go by, The B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart Chris got kicked out of, or else a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic". One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with [[Pixelblocks]]. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>

{{quote|June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the [[McDonald's]] at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], and apparently complaints were made. The two [[Manajerks|manajerkss]], a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[Niggos|Black]], [[Obesity|Fat]] Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Mall]], whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free Girl]], like I have been doing for the past [[Love Quest|over one-year and ten-months]]. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[Attraction Sign|sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblocks|Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” [[Virgin with rage|Verbal Combat]] had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Extract from [[CWC's Diary]]}}
[[File:B Manajerk.jpg|thumb|right|Based on a truer story.]]
The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "[[Mal-Wart]] Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the [[Jerkhief]], as Chris describes in his journal entry. He is also armed with a golden axe and a pair of large guns. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using [[Mecha-Jerkops]] on loan from the Jerkhief.

Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into [[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and the "[[Anime Wings|anime wings]]" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the Wing Hat power-up from ''Super Mario 64''. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his [[Love Quest]] and the absolute necessity of his [[Attraction Sign]].

The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where [[Mary Lee Walsh]] announced Chris's disappearance into the [[Time Void]].

Contrary to popular belief, this was actually not the last anyone saw or heard of B-Manajerk and his partner however, like it was for so many others before them. Though he was never actually ''seen'' again, the B-Manajerk was mentioned during the events of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']]. Towards the end of the issue, whilst [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] return from the battle against [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]], they receive a psychic message from [[Magi-Chan]] informing them of the state of the battle. In the same textwall in which he announces the death of [[Ivy]] and the destruction of the [[Decepti-Clones]], he briefly mentions that B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic had somehow grown to a gigantic size and took part in the battle with the rest of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. The battle is never actually shown, but Magi-Chan assures Sonichu and the readers that they were defeated by the Kart Megazord owned by the CWC-[[Power Rangers]] and that the two of them were shrunk back to their original size. The Kart Megazord itself is briefly glimpsed in the background.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_93</ref>

This would be the last time the manajerks were ever seen or heard from in the comics. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], Chris would use his [[Colossal Chan]] form to completely destroy PVCC and undo the brainwashing effect used to control all it's members. According to [[Mailbag 52]], this freed all the manajerks too. Chris later stated that the manajerks were cleared by the [[CWCville]] courts for their crimes, due to the fact that they couldn't help their actions at the time, but that they were depowered before being set free.{{cite}}

[[Chris and race|And yes, the "B" in "B-Manajerk" does stand for "black"]].<ref>[[Sonichu 4 Official Videobook]]</ref>

===Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby===
[[Image:MSC.jpg|thumb|left|You're missing both your arms, you work in a [[McDonald's]], and you have the most embarrassing and incomprehensible name in the world. Obviously the answer is to go into supervillainy.]]

Merried Seinor Comic is quite possibly the most unfortunately named villain in all of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', as one can't even figure out what words [[Chris]] was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. The name of his real life counterpart, Kirby McDerbie, offers no insight into this strangeness. [[Trolls]] on [[/cwc/]] have been speculating for as long as the character has been around, but no-one has ever been able to determine for sure what his name actually means, though some have guessed that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic".

The Merried Seinor Comic appeared for the first time in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']], helping the [[B-Manajerk]] in his opposition of Chris's [[Love Quest]]. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of [[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]] of the Region of [[Mal-Wart]]. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from ''[[Monty Python]] and the Holy Grail''.<ref>[[:Image:MSCPython.jpg]]</ref> In the comic, (no pun intended), Merried Seinor Comic was defeated in a sword fight by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], whilst Chris defeated his partner. In [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], which continues the two part story, the [[W-M-Manajerk]] arrives as back-up, but when he fails as well the McDuo flee the scene, with the Comic not seeming to even care about the recent loss of both his arms.

In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], the character appears at [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention, where he is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|removed in more recent versions]]. This is the last time the character is seen, but as mentioned above, he did participate in the Battle of CWCville offscreen, becoming a giant along with the B-Manajerk and fighting the Kart Megazord. It is presumed that he was depowered and set free like the other manajerks after [[Collosal Chan]] reversed [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s brainwashing.

===W-M-Manajerk===
[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|Truly a [[Kick the Autistic|shining example]] to us all. But for W-M-Manajerk, it's an average day.]]

After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonalds, as was described above, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonalds, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|weeaboo magic spells]] at him. Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, [[2005]], Chris took revenge in the only way he could; by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his [[Chris and reality|fantasy life]].
[[File:W-M-Manajerk fan art.jpg|thumb|right|[[Metal Gear Solid|Don't fuck with this manajerk.]]]]
In the [[You know what%2C I HATE ME TOO!!!]] segment Christian put on his [[ED]] page in [[March 2008]], he says he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from Sub-Episode 5 of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-Chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be physically disabled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.

The W-M-Manajerk character first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In the comic, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]] at the end of Sub-Episode 4. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on [[Wikipedia:Richard Nixon|Richard Nixon]] in the ''[[Futurama]]'' episode "A Head in the Polls". This episode featured Nixon as a similarly built robot with a head in a jar. The concept of a head in a jar is hardly unique to ''Futurama'', but it is a show beloved by Chris and virtually nothing he draws hasn't been at least loosely based off an already existing character.

The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would. Just as Chris begins to lose hope though, he receives a vision from the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who informs him that he must combine the powers of his [[Medallion of Fail]] with his [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Dream Sibling of Fail]]. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to Crystal, whom he had previously drawn on one of his home-made [[Yu-gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.

Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] respectively, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.

Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, were agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] lead by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the head-jar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.

W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC.

Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is actually pretty damn strong. It survives several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift [[Obesity|the very heavy]] Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a soda fountain. The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s head. It can be assumed that the head-jar also acted as a kind of life support system.

Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, [[Rosechu]] could probably beat him up now.

===ScotPalazzo===
[[Image:SchuComic8Page36.jpg|thumb|left|170px|ScotPalazzo: a villain who has an uncanny talent of unnaturally bending his arms around tables at 90 degree angles.]]

The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, and possibly the first manajerk Chris encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the [[Jerkhief]] and got trolled hard by [[Hanna]], but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until [[Sub-Episode 6]], when he expressed envy of Chris for his made-up TV show ''CWC's Backyard Safari''. Scot was clearly designed to resemble [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Lord Il Palazzo]] from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', and he is depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love itself for his mother's murder-suicide.

Whether or not the real Scot Palazzo suffered such a traumatic life as his comic counterpart, the fictional Scot remained one of the only villains in the series to give any kind of reason for his actions. [[Wes Iseli]] was motivated by jealousy, Mary gave reasons for her own war on love in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s motivation was existentialism, and then there was Scot. Despite being one of the few villains to actually have motivation to do all the crazy super-villain shit the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] gets up to however, he never actually ''does'' anything. In his debut appearance, he hires more [[jerkop|jerkops]] to take down Chris, but he never gets any kind of [[semen|comeuppance]] for this and he never fights any of the heroes. He cameos again in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] at the council of villains, and his character description says that he banned all [[virgin with rage|virgins]] from his region, but this is all he has ever been seen to do. In many ways, he is more like an actual manager than any of the other manajerks on this page.

His given motivation conflicts with later revelations that all PVCC members, including the manajerks, were really just brainwashed slaves of Mary Lee Walsh. [[Collosal Chan|Colossal Chan]]'s power supposedly undid all brainwashing, and Chris's statements on the subject claimed that all the manajerks were cleared of everything. Presumably this can be taken to mean that Scot was also a victim, and that his jaded personality was reverted to whatever he was like prior to Mary's effect.

===Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)===
[[File:Get-Tar Manajerks.jpg|thumb|Behold, the two most harmless villains in the series.]]

The last of the manajerks to be introduced, the duo of Turdijerk and his accomplice Trebor Capman first appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], where they confronted Chris in the Get-Tar Region. The episode was based on an incident that occurred in real life at a newly opened [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] store in Chris's area. Attempting to start fresh in new [[Attraction Location|prowling grounds]], Chris planned to pay a single dollar to receive a soda at their snack bar and exploit their free refill policy to keep refilling that same soda over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned officer [[Bagget]] to get him out of the store.

Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until their later cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. In their initial appearance, the two manajerks walk up to Chris at his table and tell him that he was loitering and had to get out. Even in his idealized fantasy world where Chris whitewashes everything he does, the comic version of Chris is indeed loitering, and he also initially ignores the two managers trying to talk to him. Upon noticing them, he screams, and then somehow summons a tornado to blow them both away. It should be noted at this point that these two manajerks did not actually attack Chris, or even threaten him, meaning Chris just [[Chris and the Law|assaulted two unarmed normal humans for telling him to leave their store]].

The names of the characters are puzzling. [[Trolls]] speculate that Trebor Capman might actually be an alias for someone called ''Robert'' Capman, given Chris's love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]], and while the origin of Turdijerk's name is somewhat more ambiguous, the two most common theories are that the name was either derived from a stereotype of the Indian accent, (as the character has a vaguely South Asian appearance and his real life counterpart is probably the same), or that the name "Turdijerk" is merely Chris's [[Random-access humor|juvenile sense of humor]] and a way to insult the real life manager by giving him a nickname that sounds like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|"turd"]].

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Merried Seinor Comic detailed fanart.png|Dramatic Rendition.
Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|[[Soul Calibur|Video game recreation]].
Image:Manajerks.jpg|Getting decapitated only pissed him off.
Image:MSCsavestheday.png|Merried Seinor Comic, stopping the [[autistic]] wonder from [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|procreating]].
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Fashion Square Mall|Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[PVCCitizens]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Walmart|Mal-Wart Region]]
*[[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]]
*[[Target|Get-Tar Region]]
*[[Amanda]]

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Manajerks]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

List of Sonichu characters

2015-05-28T23:30:38Z

CaptainOHH: /* Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist) */

The following is a '''list of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' characters''', in order of appearance.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
===Christian Weston Chandler===
{{main|Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris-Chan Sonichu|Collosal Chan|Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan}}

[[File:ColossalChrisChanVSMaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|The heroic Christian Weston Chandler!]]

Chris-chan's alternate self and [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]], who, believe it or not, is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much thinner than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even ''more'' psychotic than Real Chris, having [[4-cent garbage.com|murdered hundreds of people]] in a [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorist]] attack, permanently crippled [[Liquid Chris|several]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|others]], [[Gun Comic|blown out people's kneecaps with a handgun]] after they've surrendered, [[Sonichu 0|destroyed]] the home life of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job, carried out a mini-Holocaust on [[homos]]exuals, and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed in brutal and inhumane ways. For making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]]. And all with a gleeful smile on his face. His medallion allows him to don a [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursuit]] when he shouts the phrase ''Electric Hedgehog Power!'', and he can access his [[Collosal Chan|Collosal]] form with the use of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].

Christian first appeared right on the front cover of [[Issue 0]], ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in [[Issue 2]], which portrayed him as a descendant of the [[Cherokian Clan]] and fulfiller of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Chris has since made himself and his [[love quest]] the [[Chris and his ego|center of attention]] and main focus of the comic in every issue (with a [[Sonichu 8|few exceptions]]).

===Sonichu===
{{main|Sonichu (character)|Ultra Sonichu}}

[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|left|'I am [[gay|STRAIGHT!]]']]
Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolor who is an unholy fusion of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokémon|a Pikachu]]. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Christian had taken over as the main character, and by [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris had added [[Chaotic Combo|a new batch of recolors]] who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], despite Chris's return, as he transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]] and helped Chris in his killing spree.

===Rosechu===
{{main|Rosechu|The Incredible Lioness}}

[[Sonichu]]'s worthless, 0-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. [[Women's rights|This is Chris's idea of how women behave]], likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

===Sonic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog}}

[[Sega]] mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic. He makes a few appearances in the comic, most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], after Rosechu gets kidnapped. [[Women's rights|Again]].

Sonic also appears on the front cover of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'

===Perfect Chaos Monster===
[[Image:Perfect Chaos.jpg|thumb|right|Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonic X'' vs Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonichu''. Kinda lost his luster, huh?]]

'''Perfect Chaos''', or [[CWC-isms|"Perfect Chaos Monster"]] as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of [[Station Square]]. Sonic defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the ''positive'' energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in the [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of his [[Sonichu (comic)|new comic book series]]. The ''Sonichu'' series begins with a male [[Pikachu]] wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an [[Rainbow|unexplained phenomenon]] which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the ''Sonic Adventure'' game so that Sonic is [[Chris and his ego|little more than an assistant to Chris's original character]]). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of ''Sonichu''.

===Trainer Kel===
{{main|Kel}}

[[File:KelHallOfFame.jpg|thumb|left|Wait, when did Kel ever see Rosechu again?]]
Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into [[Rosechu]]. Continued to take care of Rosechu until [[Sonichu]] took over as her new pimp. She then disappeared for a long time, but when [[Sean August Watley]] later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became [[Death threats|very upset]]. When Sean was executed in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.

Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparently had came through the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with [[Naitsirhc]] at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu]</ref> This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point-blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non canon.

===David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]] Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]" even for her loose, gaping [[China]], and suggesting Kel have sex with him herself. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will [[Chris and writing#Kudzu plot|never know]].

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0]] (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created [[Simonla|gender-benders]] before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a [[lesbian]] relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

===Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc===
{{main|Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc}}
[[File:082-ReldnahcNotsewNaitsirhc.jpg|thumb|100px|You can tell he's gay because he is shirtless. Straight men wear [[Muscle bra|bras]]!]]

Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the [[Pokémon]] villain [[Giovanni]], and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When [[Chris]] fell into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], his [[Medallion]] also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "[[gay|straight]]" twin.

Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after [[Black Sonichu]], which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Christian [[Rape|pins him down]] and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, [[Chris and reality|homosexuality makes you evil]]. He was then sent to [[Kel]].

===Zapdos===
{{main|Pokémon}}

An electric type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.

===Jerkhief===
{{main|Jerkhief}}

[[Image:MyWoodenBadgeWasDelicious.jpg|thumb|left|Chris did once explain what this line meant. It made no more sense afterward than before.]]
Leader of the [[Jerkops]]. The Jerkhief is a massive [[African American]] man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"

He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the [[CWCville]] Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of good!

===Jerkops===
{{main|Jerkops}}
Villainous foot-soldiers of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his [[Love Quest]]. They are supposedly brainwashed [[slow-in-the-minds]] and College students. In spite of this, Christian has [[Chris and death|no qualms in killing them]], and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders (aside from Mary and [[Count Graduon]]) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.

===Metonic===
{{main|Metonic}}

Evolved form of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Vamprosa===
{{main|Vamprosa}}

Evolved form of [[Rosechu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Barbara Chandler===
{{main|Barbara Chandler}}

Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from [[Naitsirhc]] in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Giovanni===
{{main|Giovanni}}
[[File:SchuGioRetard.jpg|thumb|right|The insidious Giovanni]]
The leader of Team Rocket and villain of the first generation [[Pokémon]] games, Giovanni is determined to capture [[Sonichu]] at any cost. He teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, as Sonichu unexpectedly got help in dealing with the kidnappers, rather than going in alone like a retard, as they expected him to do. However, he only got help from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] because he bumped into him on his way to the base. So Sonichu is still retarded, just lucky.

Later on, Giovanni seems to have reevaluated his goals, and now seeks to take over [[CWCville]] and kill Christian, as he joined forces with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and helped them out during their attack on the city in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Surprisingly, he seemed to want his son Reldnahc to rule the city, rather than wanting it for himself. This shows that at least Giovanni thinks of others sometimes rather than himself, which is more than can be said for our heroes.

===Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik===
{{main|Doctor Robotnik}}

[[File:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|left|Even Eggman was never this flamboyant.]]
Recurring villain of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, 'Dr. Eggman', as he is known, has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers; Eggmanland. In ''Sonichu'', however, he shows up to help Giovanni devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the PVCC. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching Pokémon, or why he has any kind of grudge against [[Chris and his ego|Chris of all people]] is a mystery that not even [[GodJesus]] could solve.

Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] and the nigh unstoppable E-Series robots, as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course Metal Sonic. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge satellite, (As seen in ''Sonic Unleashed'') that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. Despite having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle again Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.

===Team Rocket===
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures [[Pokémon]] (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in [[CWCville]].

Team Rocket is run by [[Giovanni]] and his retarded homosexual son, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

They are also responsible for the creation of [[Blake]].

=== Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist) ===
[[File:Bill1.png|thumb|<s>Bill Nye the Science Guy</s> Dr. Bill Schwartz, the Scientist.]]
One of the most popular characters in Sonichu lore (and totally not a [[Wikipedia:Bill Nye the Science Guy|ripoff]]), Bill Schwartz, PhD, was a genetics researcher for [[Team Rocket]] during the organization's brief alliance with [[Robotnik|Ivo Robotnik]]. It was Bill's duty to prepare [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu's]] DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of [[Blake|the clone]] until it took on a black color.

It was for quite some time fanon, that Bill was getting high somewhere on [[the Moon]] together with Chris's other forgotten Sonichu characters, such as the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]], [[Metal Sonichu]], and [[Yawning Squirtle]], which ended up being the premise for the troll comic, Moon-Pals. Chris, probably angry about the comic portraying Bill as a stoner, declared this depiction of him invalid on [[Twitter]], saying Bill was still in employ of Giovanni, and would be returning in comic. Bill later appears in [[Sonichu 10]], stating that he [[Chris and English|stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days]]. Bill later appears, along with [[Kel]] and [[Allison Amber]], to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.

===Black Sonichu/Blachu/Blake===
{{main|Blake}}
[[File:254-BlachuPose.jpg|thumb|left|Doesn't he remind you of [[Shadow the Hedgehog|someone]]?]]

Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's [[semen|DNA]], which Naitsirhc obtained in [[fapcup|battle]]. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for [[Giovanni]], and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with [[Bubbles]]. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic [[rape]] at the hands of a [[Silvana Rosechu|trannie]].

He also has his own superform, in the same vein as [[Ultra Sonichu]], named [[Wall of Originals|Silver Blachu]]. It is never seen in the comic, though.

Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu strips, [[Love quest|stalking]] [[Rosechu]].

=== Metal Sonichu ===
The [[Sonichu]] rip-off of Metal Sonic, Metal Sonichu is one of the few characters that even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Despite this, he has [[Alec]]'s derivative character Metal [[Asperchu]] refer to [[Collosal Chan|GodMode!Chris]] as the "original creator", either implying that Chris wanted to claim Metal Sonichu as original all along, or he wanted to [[Chris and copyright|take credit for another one of Alec's characters]]. Sadly, though, he blames the villains for it. Much like the original Metal Sonic, it is a combat robot built by [[Doctor Robotnik]] for [[Giovanni]] in the image of Sonichu, with the intention of [[Jerkops|capturing]] or [[Chris and Death|killing]] its organic counterpart.

In fitting with its role as a killing machine, it had some unique weapons and capabilities which the original Sonichu did not have- these included laser/lightning cannon-like weapons built into both of its forearms, an automated targeting system built into its HUD, levitation, high speed flight and air-dashing abilities provided by the booster engine in its body, and a lightweight yet incredibly resiliant armour and chassis which was capable of resisting several attacks from both Sonic and Sonichu with little apparent damage. It also matches and could theoretically exceed Sonichu's [[power]] and standard abilities, although this was not seen during its initial appearance.

Metal Sonichu is defeated in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] by Sonic and Sonichu after being hit by a combined attack which hurls it into Space, eventually causing it to crash into the fucking [[Moon]]; however, the robotic clone survives this attack, as evident by the sight of its eyes glowing in the darkness and a clawed metal hand rising out of a crater, resulting in a cliffhanger.

The fans speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the robotic clone and that it would never be heard of again, but after being constantly reminded about it in the [[Mailbag]], and after Sean used Metal Sonichu for Moon-Pals, Chris suddenly declared that Metal Sonichu would be returning at some point in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] or [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]. According to Chris, the deactivated Metal Sonichu would have been found on the Moon and used as a vessel for the recently-revived [[Count Graduon]] to return to Earth, and would become the new villain- mostly because he had already removed every other major villain from the comic permanently in preparation for [[Sonichu 10|an issue]] dedicated to murdering characters based on his IRL trolls, and afterwards, [[Chris and writing|left nothing for his characters to do anymore]] as a result of it. Whether or not we'll actually see Metal Sonichu pull it off remains to be seen.
{{-}}
<center><gallery>
Image:MetalSonichu.jpg|A robotic copy of a [[Sonichu (character)|copy]], and it's still the more likeable of the two.
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg|In [[Animal Crossing]] card form.
Image:221-ACMSchuBck.jpg|Yeah...
Image:222-YuMSchu.jpg|[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] variation.
</gallery></center>

 

===Amy Rose===
{{main|Amy Rose}}
[[File:Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|200px|thumb|'I had no idea that the [[Metal Gear Solid|Les Enfants Terribles Project]] had gone this far!']]

[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s love interest. Amy Rose in the [[video games]] is a 12 year old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often pursues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation.

That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in ''Sonic Adventure'', where she singlehandedly defeated the Zero robot and in ''Sonic Adventure 2'', where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In ''Sonichu'', however, all her personality is gone and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any Rosechu. She shows up for a couple of pages in [[Issue 1]] where she talks with Rosechu at CWCville Mall about meaningless bullshit. Interestingly, the page shows how much Chris ended up copying her design for Rosechu.

===Hanna===
{{main|Hanna}}

A woman who [[trolled]] Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his [[Attraction Sign]]. Chris not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.

The ''Sonichu'' version of Hanna is apparently an agent of PVCC, and the only troll in the entire comic to to not be a cartoonishly evil-looking miscreant, probably due to being a woman.

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==

===Wes Iseli===
{{main|Wes Iseli|Wasabi Rival}}

[[File:Wes Iseli.jpg|thumb|left|In his Wes-Li Sonichu form.]]
Sarah Hammer's IRL boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee.

When Chris fulfilled the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] by becoming [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become [[Wes-Li Sonichu]]. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating [[Count Graduon]]. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], and attending [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain conclave in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as assisting in the attack on CWCville during [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Hammer|Queen of the Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:Sonichu02-P13.jpg|thumb|Sarah as she appears in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].]]

Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furry just like himself.

As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against [[Count Graduon]]. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone. Sarah then got married to another man, rejecting Chris yet again, and she left the city of CWCville entirely. She did cameo once more, though, in [[Sonichu Special 2]], where she dressed in drag and attended the ceremony of Christian's ill-fated marriage to [[Ivy]], acting as his best man.

===Keeper of the Destiny Cave===
[[File:Keeper.PNG|thumb|Is he old or just a kid with a beard?]]
An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his [[Medallion]] to transform into his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursona]]. After revealing the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with [[Yawning Squirtle]], if he's smart.

===Mary Lee Walsh===
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|left|For some reason, Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. [[Chris and Writing|At no point is any information about her motivation for this provided by anybody]].

Mary Lee Walsh first appeared in the comics in [[Issue 2]], but a preview of her design was shown in [[Issue 0]], and she had been mentioned in both [[sub-episodes]] that had been in previous comics. In her first full appearance, she was wielding the staff of [[Count Graduon]], and directing the Golem attacking [[CWCville]]. This is thought to be her canonical first appearance as well, and it is believed that the subepisodes all take place after [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], since the very first sub-episode features Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Throughout the comics, she did nothing but throw wave after wave of [[Jerkops]], [[Manajerks]] and other PVCC agents at Chris. Occasionally she'd help out herself, and sometimes she'd just kick back and let her robots handle it. She captured [[Crystal Weston Chandler]] in the Dark Mirror Hole at one point, but it had very little lasting consequence. Christian later confronted her as Hobo-Chan in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. There, she let Chris destroy Graduon's staff and she surrendered. Not content, Christian attacked her with two large swords. It ended with her being paralyzed for life and put in prison.

===Count Graduon===
{{main|Count Graduon}}

[[Image:Count Graduon.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon, the most [[Homos|phallic]] villain in the ''Sonichu'' series.]]
The Evil released when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the [[Cherokian Clan]]. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has secretly manipulated [[Silvana Rosechu]] to become his trannie rape weapon against the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. He appeared to be destroyed after [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|GodMode!Chris]] smashes his staff in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but Chris has stated that he would bring Graduon back in a later issue, during which he would have found and possessed the deactivated Metal Sonichu on the [[Moon]], again returning to Earth as the main villain.

===Golem===
A weapon used by [[Count Graduon]] after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with Mary Lee Walsh. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked [[CWCville]], [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]],[[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and [[Saramah Rosechu]] teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2, where it originally appeared as a boss controlled by Eggman.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===The Chaotic Combo===
{{main|Chaotic Combo}}

Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the [[Rainbow]] that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. They would form the central cast of ''Sonichu'' for the rest of the comic, outranking even the original Sonichu in the CWCville hierarchy.

===Wild Sonichu===
{{main|Wild Sonichu}}
[[Image:Wild parenting tips.jpg|thumb|left|Wild Sonichu, advising his one year old daughter on how best to mutilate a man's genitals.]]

The green recolor and a sort of leader to the group. Wild also partially rips off Spider-Man. He was apparently raised by a clan of weird ninja Scythers and a Venusaur. Once his father was kidnapped, he forgot all about him.

Later in life he became another member of the Great Director's private army and he served as another footsoldier in the many battles against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and PVCC. During the middle of all this dumbfuckery, he attended a Dating Education class and got paired up with a mindless twit named [[Simonla Rosechu]]. Simonla was later killed, but fortunately for Wild, the [[Sandy Rosechu|bastard child]] which resulted from all sex he had with her [[Chris and art#Originality|looked almost exactly like Simonla in every single way]].

===Bubbles Rosechu===
{{main|Bubbles Rosechu}}
[[File:Iamnotretarded.jpg|thumb|Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, Bubbles.]]

The sky-blue recolor and an airheaded slut. According to [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], she was raised as a child by a random Swampert who happened to find her. One day, a Boulder-Dropping Whale randomly attacked her mother, and she forced herself to evolve so that she could save her. Some time later, she met the rest of the Combo when they all united under the common goal of beating up a [[Niggos|black guy]]. She does nothing for the rest of the comic besides fucking [[Blake]]. She finds a [[Sonichu Ball]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], if you can count that as doing something. Oh, and there was one point where she failed to tell the difference between [[Silvana|a trannie]] and her own boyfriend even when told the answer by a psychic.

Since everyone saw Bubbles as a stupid whore, she was portrayed as the idiot of the group in the webcomic [[Asperchu]]. Some time later, Christian established on her [[CWCipedia]] article that Bubbles was supposedly a very intelligent girl and had studied with the people of Atlantis. As you would expect, none of this was shown in the comics, and Bubbles still acts like a stupid whore.

===Angelica Rosechu===
{{main|Angelica}}
[[Image:271-Angelica.jpg|thumb|left|Angelica, the embodiment of the Antichrist.]]

A white recolor. Angelica Rosechu was made to be a religious type, specifically a Catholic. Her backstory explains that she was taken in by a convent of nuns, who raised her to be a devout Christian and named her Angelica after her resemblance of the biblical angels. Despite this, Angelica still grew up to be a filthy whore and a violent mercenary of [[CWCville]]. She eventually evolved one night in her sleep. Christian also [[Chris and writing|SOMEHOW]] knew who she was and that she had evolved, and showed up at her window to give her shoes and a scrunchie, which he left on her bed for her to find when she woke up.

Despite being portrayed as a pacifist and a peacemanker, she later became heavily entrenched in Christian's war against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]], and may very well have killed several people in the battle. This is pure speculation however. What isn't speculation though, was that she did, in fact, ''personally execute'' [[Alec Benson Leary]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] - after reading him the last rites of course, [[Chris and religion|which normal Catholics are not permitted to do]]. She also said 'May God have mercy' whilst doing so. This may indicate that on some level she knows that what she is doing is wrong, but it's likely that she was referring to Alec, because like Chris, she also has a huge [[ego]], and genuinely believes that people should be killed for making [[parody]] webcomics. Like Bubbles, she is also a slut. She put out for Reginald Sneasel on the first date and she has been known to [[Media:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG|do things in church that would make Jesus himself cry.]]

===Punchy Sonichu===
{{main|Punchy Sonichu}}

[[Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy, the Asian one.]]
The red one. Punchy is not even a recolor. He is an exact duplicate of Knuckles the Echidna, who was already red. The only difference between them is that Punchy is far more retarded and has racist looking slanty eyes.

Punchy was born in a dojo somewhere after his egg crash landed there. Immediately after hatching, he was challenged to a sparring match by the dojo owner's daughter and student, Mypoe, who [[Dragon Ball Z|ripped off his tail since it was a weakness]]. He then punched her through the roof and probably killed her. This is where his name came from. The dojo owner, [[Excel Saga|G.D.W. Shinabe]], then took it upon himself to train the infant murderer, and teach him how to properly use martial arts. This training was wasted on Punchy however, who just ended up using [[pokémon]] attacks for the rest of his life. Punchy later got caught up with the rest of the gang, and formed the Chaotic Combo with them. Shortly afterward, his master died under mysterious circumstances and he apparently inherited the dojo. Punchy then spent the rest of ''Sonichu'' fighting Jerkops and related enemies. He got a break from the routine in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], where he took the [[Dating Education]] courses to try and learn how best to hook up with Angelica. As it turned out, Angelica would have been easy, but due to circumstances, Punchy ended up with another whore named Layla Flaaffy. Since [[Women's rights|all women are the same in Sonichu]], Punchy just rolled with it and had sex with her anyway. He later also participated in the [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] executions.

===Magi-Chan Sonichu===
{{main|Magi-Chan}}
[[Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|thumb|left|When you turn your back, he's going to stab you.]]

The purple recolor. Magi-Chan was born in a mysterious cave where, upon hatching, he was contacted by the Pokémon Mewtwo, who trained him with his powers. Upon evolving into Magi-Chan, he promptly let out a fart. His training complete, Mewtwo left him and Magi-Chan would go on join the Chaotic Combo. Despite his awesome powers, Wild Sonichu was chosen over Magi-Chan as leader of the Chaotic Combo. It would be Magi-Chan who would serve as the means to locate the Sonichu Balls from their locations, accidentally causing Chris to be lost in the [[Time Void]]. He would also fight Silvana from time to time as he attempted to save her from Graduon. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he frees Chris from the Time Void, goes into the future to bring the cure for homosexuality back to the present, but starts suffering due to that, yammering something about a crisis only Chris could avoid, failing to find a man high off his ass and failing to stop Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla.

=== Sonee and Rosey ===
{{main|Sonee & Rosey}}

The (irritating) baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], who appear on the first page of [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]. Technically, baby versions of Sonichu and Rosechu could never exist since they were created directly from a Pikachu and Raichu respectively, but that didn't stop Chris from creating them. They never made a canon appearance, but Chris recycled the designs for [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]].

===Scyther===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|right|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu. [[Chris and art|We think]].]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild told Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

===Venusaur===
{{main|Pokémon}}
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.

===Swampert===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

=== Boulder-Dropping Whale ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[Image:Boulder Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.
[[Image:Wailord.png|200px|thumb|An actual Wailord.]]
Originally identified as a common whale in the [[Audiobooks]], Chris stated in [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|a blog in January 2010]] that it is a Wailord, a [[Pokémon]] that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite.

Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals '''Bill''', '''Metal Sonichu''', and '''[[Yawning Squirtle]]''', getting high as fuck.

=== Nuns ===
[[Image:Schununs.jpg|thumb|"The Lord has sent us an egg, sister. Tonight, we'll have omelets"]]
The two nuns that raised [[Angelica]], even though ''real'' nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica, they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words ''bless'' and ''Lord'' frequently.

In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from. Chris stated in the [[videobooks]] that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, ''and'' they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.

===G.D.W. Shinabe===
[[Image:Shinabe.jpg|thumb|left|Let it never be said Chris has no respect for [[Chris and copyright|copyright]]. He at least advertises the stuff he rips off.]]
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris's many horrible ''[[Excel Saga]]'' references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', a follow-up project to ''Excel Saga''.

In ''Sonichu'', Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts [[Punchy Sonichu]] and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for ''Great Director Watanabe'', a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.

If Christian's "Sonichu" article on [[CWCipedia]] is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason ''during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo''.

=== Mypoe ===
[[Image:Schumypoe.jpg|120px|thumb|A classic example of fanservice in ''Sonichu'']]
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of ''Puni Puni Poemy'', depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble [[Excel Saga|Excel]] instead. Despite this, Chris claims that the [[lie|two characters are not related]].<ref>I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.284:11_to_6:01.29</ref> In ''Sonichu'', Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged [[Punchy Sonichu]] to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a ''weak point'', and should be removed (a concept stolen from [[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.

Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the [[trolls|fans]]. She has a special place in their hearts due to being the only character that tried to put a Sonee out of its miserable existence shortly after birth.

=== Mewtwo ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[Image:Mewtwo.PNG|thumb|left|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris's idiocy.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers.

Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this though, much like all of the other sideplots [[Chris and his Ego|not involving him]], it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokémon team. Since in Pokémon lore there is only one Mewtwo, it can be assumed that this is the same one.

===Flame the Sunbird===
{{main|Flame the Sunbird}}

Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokémon, yet he readily uses Pokémon attacks, such as Drill Peck.

===Black Manajerk===
{{main|B-Manajerk}}

[[Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|thumb|100px|Black Manajerk, the badass.]]
Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his [[Love Quest]] at [[Mal-Wart]]. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic]], confront Chris after the [[Jerkhief]] tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with [[Mecha-Jerkops]], and Chris is aided by [[Darkbind Sonichu]]. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his [[Medallion]]. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention after Chris was sucked into the [[Time Void]].

[[Chris and race|And yes, the 'B' in B-Manajerk does stand for Black]].

===Merried Seinor Comic===
{{main|Merried Seinor Comic}}

Companion of [[B-Manajerk]], Merried Seinor Comic, also known as Kirby, is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's in which Chris was loitering that day. In ''Sonichu'', he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, Darkbind Sonichu arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.

===Wal-Mart Manajerk===
{{main|W-M-Manajerk}}

[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Truly an inspiration to us all.]]
The ruler of the [[Mal-Wart]] region, W-M-Manajerk confronts Chris shortly after B-Manajerk and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other [[Manajerks]], W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his [[Medallion]] with the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his "dream sibling", [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.

Particularly worrying was that according to dialogue, Chris and Crystal were surprised to learn he could survive in just his head form after they removed it from his body, implying that they had intended to murder the helpless man.

===Darkbind Sonichu===
{{main|Darkbind Sonichu}}

[[Image:081-Darkbind.jpg|130px|thumb|right|Dear Lord, he's even [[gay]]er than [[Magi-Chan]]!]]
Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the Manajerks at the Mal-Wart region, but leaves just before the [[W-M-Manajerk]] shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.

Darkbind would later return to repel [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s invasion of [[CWCville]] in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] to re-awaken his beloved [[Zelina Rosechu]]. He finally achieves this in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], and then starts crying.

===Mecha-Jerkops===
{{main|Mecha-Jerkops}}

Mechanical [[Jerkops]] used by the Manajerks to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops. One wonders what was the point was when actual Jerkops are far more capable and numerous.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
=== Crystal Weston Chandler ===
{{main|Crystal Weston Chandler (character)}}

Chris's imaginary sister. A virtual duplicate of Chris with the exception of being a female, she is created by the power of Chris's [[Pixelblock]] [[Heart Torch]], giving her sentience. Like Chris, she can become a Rosechu - Crystalina Rosechu - through her own medallion. She later spends half of the comic trapped away in a [[Dark Mirror Hole|mirror]] before being rescued as an afterthought. Chris makes [[Chris and Sex#Incest|numerous remarks about her beauty]].

=== Snorlax ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A [[Snorlax]] who briefly appeared in Christian's 'Backyard Safari' [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1500 pounds]] and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Chris and hypocrisy|How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops]].

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

=== ScotPalazzo ===
{{main|ScotPalazzo}}

ScotPalazzo is the [[Manajerk]] of Fa-Square, from the Sho-Mall Region. He is based on the manager who called the [[Jerkhief]] on Chris in real life, though he did not appear in ''Sonichu'' until Sub-Episode 6, where he for some reason became jealous that Chris had his own TV show; CWC's Backyard Safari. He decided once he was done watching it to order more Jerkops after Chris, since he was once again persisting to [[Love Quest|solicit sex in a public place]] and was still [[Story of my current days|resisting arrest]]. Or at least, that would be the [[Honest|truthful]] reason. In ''Sonichu'', however, it's because he hates love, since it caused his mother's murder suicide somehow. It's likely that the real ScotPalazzo's mother did no such thing, but Chris for some reason thinks that [[Trolls|anyone who dislikes him]] at all must have terrible and tragic lives, since [[Chris and his ego|only people with no life could ever possibly hate Chris]]! That said, ScotPalazzo is probably the only villain in Sonichu, at least until [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], to have any kind of motivation, so no one's complaining. ScotPalazzo also attended Mary's villain convention after Chris was lost to the [[Time Void]].

=== Turdijerk ===
{{main|Turdijerk}}

Turdijerk is the Manajerk of the [[Get-Tar]] region. He appears in Sub-Episode 7, where he tells Chris to get out of his store because he is loitering on private property again and scaring off his customers. Unlike with previous cases where he has provoked Manajerks into a fight, this time Chris just attacked them outright after they asked him to leave. Not caring for being assaulted by loitering manchildren, Turdijerk calls [[Bagget|Marcus Bagget]] to come and deal with the potentially dangerous Chris before he attacks any more of his employees. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention.

=== Trebor Capman ===
{{main|Trebor Capman}}

Turdijerk's assistant and the second victim of Christian's unwarranted attack on the store manager. It can be assumed that his real name is Robert, given Chris's legendary love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]]. He was also present at the villain convention with his boss Turdijerk.

=== Marcus Bagget ===
{{main|Bagget}}

{{Incomplete}}

=== Crackder ===
{{main|Crackder}}

{{Incomplete}}

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===William Spicer===
The husband of Sarah Hammer. Because Chris had no clue as to what William actually looked like, Chris depicted him as a Jack's Knight, a card from the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card game franchise.

===Megan Schroeder (Meg-Chan)/Sailor Megtune===
{{main|Megan Schroeder|Sailor Megtune}}
Chris's second love interest. Based off of the actual Megan Schroeder, she moonlights as a Sailor Senshi, devoted to aiding Chris whenever he can't get off his own fat rear to do so. Despite having a very central role when she first appears, she is quickly erased from the series after her real-life counterpart gives Chris the boot in the aftermath of his ED discovery.

===Megagi La Skunk===
{{main|Megagi La Skunk}}
Megan's skunk companion. Starting out as a butch, tomboyish character with more personality than the rest of the Rosechus, her distinct nature rapidly corrodes as she gains a boyfriend in Bionic, devolving into a bland feminine cheerleader by Issue 9.

===Harriet, Joseph, Julia, Nick===
Couples harassed by Jerkops.

===Jamsta Sonichu===
{{main|Jamsta Sonichu}}

DJ for KCWC and one of the few Sonichus shown that weren't created by the Chaotic Rainbow. He has no obvious powers and speaks in outdated slang. Interestingly, Jamsta's the actual ORIGINAL Sonichu, yet he wasn't discovered and named until later, giving Sonichu all the credit.

===CWCVille Constable===
One of the few non-Jerkops in CWCVille.

===CADD Chef (alias Keneru-Meneth)===
{{main|CADD Chef}}

Another one of Slaweel's minions who does nothing but complain about building designs. The character is based off of Chris's Computer-Aided Drafting and Design and the South Park character Chef. Why Chris chose to combine these two concepts is known only to him.

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==

===Patti-Chan===
{{Main|Patti Chandler|Patti-Chan}}

Chris's beloved dog. Following her real-life death, in the comics, a combination of eating a four-leaf clover and moonbeams transformed Patti into Patti-Chan. Realizing what had happened, Chris brought his dog to CWCVille so it can live on forever. She uses her magic to protect the Mayor's office in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], then kills Alec in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] because "she's not a zombie."

===Allison Amber===
{{main|Allison Amber}}

Chris's mayoral secretary. Once a prominent Hollywood star, she bafflingly gave up the fame and fortune to work in the CWCVille Mayor's office. She essentially performs the entirety of the mayoral work in lieu of Chris while he traipses around murdering people and finding true love. When Chris became trapped in the Time Void, it was indicated that she had overtaken all of his duties until his return - presumably this made very little difference to Allison's schedule. In ''Sonichu'' #10, she rather harshly kills Sean for his promiscuous depiction of her in ''Moon-Pals''.

===Shadow the Hedgehog===
{{main|Shadow the Hedgehog|Christian & The Hedgehog Boys}}

The Ultimate Life Form created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, this [[stress|angst-filled]] hedgehog is the focal point of a number of teenager-aimed Sonic games made in the mid-2000s and is the "inspiration" of Blake. Despite not appearing in the comics proper, Shadow DOES make an appearance in an ad for Christian and the Hedgehog Boys' solo album.

===Zelina Rosechu===
{{main|Zelina Rosechu}}

Darkbind Sonichu's love interest. She is put under a spell through the locked power of the Sonichu Crystals prior to the start of the series. In[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], she is awakened to much fanfare and is unsurprisingly revealed to be as unimportant and devoid of personality as all the other Rosechus.

===Clawdorf===
{{main|Clawdorf}}

Darkbind Sonichu's deadly foe. After putting Zelina into a deep sleep, he is accidentally turned into stone and left in a cave. He is presumed freed by Ultra Sonichu.

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Bionic the Hedgehog}}

Chris's first creation before Sonichu came into play. Thought up of after getting smacked with a Sonichu Crystal (later altered to be a basketball), Bionic became Chris's first creation. He would go into obscurity until Naitsirhc arrived on the scene, knocking out the villain with a basketball. He would soon fall in love with Megagi and go and aid Chris in his adventures, culminating in Bionic electrocuting Alec.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==

===Mighty the Armadillo===

Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Arm'''or'''dillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the [[Sonic The Hedgehog]] video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by ''Sonichu'' readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
 

===Sammy===
{{main|Sammy}}

A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical ''[[Family Guy]]'' style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate representation of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
 

===Skelevision and Ghost Buggy===
{{main|Ghostbusters}}

Items used by the Filmation Ghostbusters in their adventures. Sammy busts through them in his "Family Guy Skitch" in his confused state.

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Andes}}

One of Chris's old classmates and one of his old high school crushes. She appears in Episode 15, discovering Chris's nude picks and is revealed to have warned Rosechu in Episode 17. Interestingly, she is one of the few who ''doesn't'' get a retconned name change.

===Bender Bending Rodreiguez===
{{main|Futurama}}

A lazy self-absorbed robot who gets his kicks off of robbing people, getting drunk and all around being lazy, especially with his friend Philip J. Fry. Doesn't ''that'' sound like someone we know. Bender is seen spiraling through the time stream as Chris, Sonichu and Magi-Chan travel on.

===Joseph Herring===
{{main|Joseph Herring}}

One of the many people affected by Slaweel's attacks, this pimply faced man, later renamed Joe Herr, is seen lamenting about the loss of his girlfriend. The character is based off of a man by the same name who actually looked pretty decent.

===Beavis and Butt-Head===
{{main|Beavis and Butt-Head}}

MTV's legendary icons for all things 1990, Beavis and Butt-Head were two idiotic teens who got their kicks through destruction, pervert antics and all around being complete and utter idiots. And America ''mostly'' loved them. They show up in Episode 16 slamming a locker door, mimicking a scene from one of their shorts.

===Janekops===
[[Image:Janekops.jpg|thumb|100px|You have the right to remain ''sexayyyyy'']]

Female [[Jerkops]]. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. From this it can be inferred that any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at [[PVCC]] in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.

===Jason Kendrick Howell===
{{main|Jason Kendrick Howell}}

The head of 4-cent_garbage, Jason Kendrick Howell is the bald-headed, eye-patch wearing cause of Chris's torment in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Based off of the person by the same name whom Chris believes put up the Chris-Chan ED page, Jason is shown as apathetic to Sonichu's pleas before he launches a pickle at Rosechu, causing her to transform into the [[Incredible Lioness]] and face rape him. He would return in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], only to decide he was going to retire from trolling Chris because tormenting him is WRONG.

===Kathleen===
{{main|Kathleen}}

Kathleen is Jason's "woman slave", seen wearing an odd BDSM outfit and in a crawling position. She stays ever faithful by Jason's side throughout the whole thing. She is based off the woman by the same name, who was Jason's girlfriend at the time.

===Blanca===
{{main|Blanca}}

The first of many troll gal-pals to appear in the comics. Blanca was the creator of Jiggliami and was present at the interview with Jamsta. In issue 8, however, it's revealed that she went back to Kentucky to be with her boyfriend.

===Jiggliami===
{{main|Jiggliami}}

Blanca's creation, an odd fusion of Amy Rose and a Jigglypuff. She is a songstress who's seeking to become popular. She appears in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] with an interview with Jamsta and in a Spring Break concert in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], helping the Chaotic Combo before inexplicably disappearing forever.

===Lolisa Rosechu===
{{main|Lolisa Rosechu}}

Jamsta's assistant on his radio show. Oddly, she is also the oldest Rosechu of the bunch, but because this is Chris's comic, she is conveniently shoved aside so that Rosechu is the first, thus named after her.

===Robert Simmons V===
{{main|Robert Simmons V}}

Another troll who made his way into the comic as a major fan of the comics. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he appears at Jiggliami's interview. However, after Chris learned the truth of the man, he retconned it in his [[Videobooks]] by saying he was arrested for getting too close to Chris.

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==

===Lovey and Thurston Howell III===
{{main|Lovey Howell|Thurston Howell III}}
[[Image:Howells.jpg|thumb|200px|The "S" in "Sonichu" stands for "Subtlety".]]

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] with a scathing [[parody]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no [[anime]] or ''[[Family Guy]]'' characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found '''Thurston Howell III''' and '''Lovey Howell''', the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series ''Gilligan's Island''. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.

Appearing outside the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointless exercise, as Chris had already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his [[Sonichu (website)|website]], [[YouTube]] videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in [[2008]].

===Beel===
{{main|Beel}}

The secretary at 4-cent_garbage, he is a devil-like creature with the [[homos|gayest]] pants ever. He shows up briefly in Episode 17, but is more prominently shown in Episode 21, stealing Chris's medallion, before having it teleported away, then blasted to kingdom come. He returns just in time to berate Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus over their trolling of Chris (comparing it to working with Adolf Hitler) before disappearing.

===4-cent_garbage.com employees===
{{main|4-cent_garbage}}

The workers of 4-cent_garbage building. Chris reappears to briefly sock one of them in the face. In Episode 21, Chris returns fully and destroys the building, killing about a hundred of the employees.

===George W. Bush===
{{main|George W. Bush}}

42nd President of the United States and son of the 40th President, George H. W. Bush, he saw his highs of popularity from the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 attacks]] plummet after he initiated the War in Iraq. He is depicted in the elevator gag tipping over his successor off his ladder.

===Barack Obama===
{{main|Barack Obama}}

43rd President of the United States and first [[niggo|African-American president]]. Obama is depicted in the elevator gag attempting to paint the White House black, but is stopped by Bush.

===John McCain===
{{main|John McCain}}

Obama's opponent in the 2008 elections and former US Senator. He yells at Obama for painting the White House black.

===Hilary Clinton===
{{main|Hillary Clinton}}

New York Senator, former First Lady to 41st President Bill Clinton and one of Obama's opponents in the spot for Democratic nominee for President. She's present as Obama paints the White House.

===Sarah Palin===
{{main|Sarah Palin}}

Former Alaskan governor, John McCain's running mate and all-around gullible bag of bricks. This "bulldog with lipstick" was present as Obama painted the White House.

===Simonla Rosechu===
{{main|Simonla Rosechu}}

Wild Sonichu's fuck toy, Simonla Rosechu is the unholy monstrosity created when Chris took Simonchu Sonichu, a creation by [[Evan]] (who in turned based it off of Simon the Digger of ''Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann'') and gave it breasts and china. Simonla first appears when she joins the other Rosechus in "stripping for [[Women's Rights]], introducing her friend Zapina. She's later paired up with Wild in Dating Education before aiding said Sonichu in defending CWCVille from Slaweel's attack. However, Simonla would meet her demise by a Voltorb blowing itself up, killing her ''on the toilet''.

===Zapina Rosechu===
{{main|Zapina Rosechu}}

A young (under-age) Rosechu who's friends with Simonla. She first appears trying to join some of the other Rosechus in stripping publicly for Women's Rights, but Rosechu shoots down that idea because of the "dumb" child pornography laws. She is later seen defending CWCVille from Slaweel and her minions.

===Greta Squall===
[[File:Greta.PNG|thumb|There are blind five-year-olds who can draw better human figures. With their feet.]]
News anchor for "[[Excel Saga|FQX]] News", obviously a parody of Fox News anchor Greta Van Susternen. Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.

===Silvana Rosechu===
{{main|Silvana Rosechu}}

Another missing Rosechu, she was found on [[The Motherfucking Moon]] by Count Graduon and turned evil, giving her shapeshifting powers and a [[duck|penis]]. She appears in Episode 18, fucking Blake disguised as Bubbles before being driven off. She appears again in Episode 20, fighting Magi-Chan and appears one last time, disguising herself as a malformed Meg Griffin. According to Chris, Silvana would lose her powers and her dick when Graduon's staff was shattered and she would soon fall in love with Magi-Chan.

===Yawning Squirtle===
{{main|Yawning Squirtle}}

A Squirtle that is seen yawning and given a very stoned look. Many trolls took it that the Squirtle was actually high off of weed and ran with it. In retaliation, Chris mentioned that this Squirtle was actually an old friend of Bubbles and that it was also captured and not shot to the moon.

===Sea Pokémon===

Comprised of [[Mudkips]], [[Seadra]], [[Goldeen]], [[Staryu]], [[Corsola]], [[Octillery]], [[Mantine]], and [[Corphish]]. Note that Mudkip are found in swamps, not the ocean.

===Optimus Prime===
{{main|Optimus Prime}}

Supreme Commander of the Autobots and hero of the Transformers franchise. He is considered to be one of Chris's idols. However, he is depicted in Issue 8 as a grand hero (or a murderer, however you want to look at it), killing Decepticon spy Sarah Jackson.

===Sarah Jackson===
{{main|Sarah Jackson}}

One of Chris's sweethearts and Decepticon spy. She is given a memorial by depicting the heroic Optimus Prime running down her truck in his truck form.

===Sarah Cassandra McKenzie (aka Panda Halo)===
{{main|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie|Panda Halo}}

The third of Chris's gal-pals. She is given a shout out in Issue 8, only to be depicted dying in an a fire in Issue 9, mirroring her real-life "demise" which Chris concocted with no impetus.

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==

===Sarah Jackaras===

Sarah Jackson's second comic persona. She is depicted as a teacher for Chris's demented Dating Education class. At the end of the episode, her sister nonchalantly announces her death before handing out test scores.

===George Philip===

A kid in Dating Education. He resembles Kenny from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Layla Flaaffy===
{{main|Layla Flaaffy}}

Ivy's companion, who does not even vaguely resemble a Flaaffy. She ends up hooking up with Punchy in Episode 19 and is shown one last time blasting away a bunch of Jerkops with a Thunder attack in Episode 20.

===Ivy===
{{main|Ivy}}

The last of the real-life sweethearts to show up in the ''Sonichu'' comics (excluding the specials) thus far. She ends up having a vision where God and Jesus tell her that she is to be Chris's one true love. Irrespective of this, she is strangled by elevator wire in Episode 20.

===Reginald Sneasel===
{{main|Reginald Sneasel}}

Chris's Mary Sue character that fills in for him while he is still trapped in the Time Void. He despises [[Niggo|darkies]] and attempts to break up Punchy and Layla only for Angelica to feel sorry for him and be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]].

===God/Jesus===
{{main|God/Jesus}}

Our Creator and our Lord and Savior. They appear in a vision to let Ivy know that she and Chris were meant to be. However, since Ivy dies in the next episode, it's hard not to imagine they were trolling the two in the process.

===Florance Fisher===
[[Image:SchuFlorence.jpg|100px|thumb|Florance Fisher]]

One of the few [[Niggos|black]] characters in ''Sonichu'' that isn't evil, although she is extremely peripheral. She is rejected by Reginald Sneasel, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles ''South Park'''s art style, and was probably traced.

===Rita Jackaras===

Sarah's sister. She replaces Sarah after offhandedly revealing she died somehow during the students' lunch break, then begins handing out test scores. Judging by her [[Speech impediment|odd speech patterns]], she may be [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]].

===Other students===

Comprised of:
*Amy Testa
*Clem Jennings
*Geraldine
*Fred Shiflet
*Emily Ryan
*Unnamed computer-lab attendant
*Clyde Raymond Cwash- Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at [[Clyde Cash]], even though in real life<ref>Or at least in what Chris [[Chris and reality|believes is real life]]</ref> he not only succeeded in two tasks Chris has so far failed - [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo|getting married and having a child]] - but also achieved those goals using [[Chris and sex#Rape|extremely Chris-like methods]].

===Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels===
{{main|Scoundrals As Vessels}}

Evil PVCC Decepticons, they're mass produced and act as heavy-duty attackers. Repaint of Swindle from ''Transformers Animated''

===Samurai Pizza Bots===
{{main|Samurai Pizza Bots}}

CWCVille's main machine protectors and obvious Autobot rejects. This team is comprised of:
*[[Prower]] - Punchy's motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from ''Transformers Animated''
*[[Son-Chu]] - a depiction of Chris's real-life car with a "SONICHU" vanity plate
*[[Bumble-Lumba]] - recolor of Bumblebee from ''Transformers Animated''. Also a pizza delivery car.
*[[Excelina]] - recolor of R.C. from ''Revenge of the Fallen''.
*[[Armoraxe]] - recolor of Sound Wave from ''Transformers Animated''. Even has a guitar as a weapon.

===Blazebob Sonichu and Chloe Rosechu===
{{main|Blazebob Sonichu|Chloe Rosechu}}

Both were created by [[PandaHalo]].<ref>From the CWCipedia "Sonichu" page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" ''"Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."''</ref> They are saved by Panda before her gruesome death and start bawling at her death before a firefighter tells them to move their asses.

===IBAChandler===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The ''Sonichu'' variation of Liquid Chris. This ground-type Sonichu is easily curb-stomped by Sonichu before he can really get the chance to attack. It's said that Liquid's medallion was made out of paper.

===Cerah, Christine, and Robbie===
{{main|Sonichu and Rosechu's Children}}

The demonic spawn of Sonichu and Rosechu. Robbie is known for his screechy voice and [[speech impediment]], Christine is known for being [[Chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] and "shiny" (read: not really Sonichu's), and Cerah is known for absolutely nothing at all. All are equally abominable in the eyes of the Lord. These three simply show up at the end of the comic with only one extremely minor mention prior to then, and their births have never been shown. It is extremely likely that these three were created in response to trolls pointing out that Sonichu and Rosechu were having premarital underage sex. They feature all too heavily subsequent to their sudden introduction.

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==

===Bugs Bunny===
[[Image:Bugsbunny.jpg|thumb|Bugs, enjoying what appears to be a joint.]]

A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, '''Bugs Bunny''' appeared briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to scold [[Jimmy Hill]] for his [[Parody|infringement]] upon [[Sonichu]]'s [[Chris and Copyright|copyright]]. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.

===Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez===
[[Image:geraldandlouie.JPG|thumb|Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend Sonichu.]]

Two of [[CWCville]]'s policemen (true blue, not [[Jerkops]]) who show up in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]]. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of [[Sonichu]].

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He takes a [[Pedofork|particular interest]] in Sonichu's son [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie]].

Louis is the [[Niggos|black officer]] - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in [[Mailbag_50#And_in_closing...|Mailbag 50]]. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "[[duck|little Lou]]"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in [[Virginia]], calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

===The Asperpedia Four===
[[Image:Maoalecevansean.jpg|thumb|The Asperpedia Four on trial. (clockwise from the top: Mao, Alec, Evan, Sean)]]

The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:

*[[Alec Benson Leary]] - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
*[[Evan]] - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
*[[Sean August Watley]] - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
*[[Asperpedia|Mao]] - Asperpedia admin. Is [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|broken]] and killed by Chris.

Chris would, in an attempt to appear like a less psychotic human being, make a new ending for Sonichu 10, wherein the four are condemned to live in a Amish community for the rest of their lives, which results in them becoming a bunch of [[slow-in-the-minds]] who spew [[random-access humor]].

===Sackboy===
{{main|Little Big Planet}}

The mascot and main character of the ''Little Big Planet'' game franchise. He appears in issue 10 to tell readers not to buy unauthorized copies of ''LBP'' for the [[Hex Box]].

===Jimmy Hill===
{{main|Jimmy Hill}}

Famed former soccer player turned commentator who was used as part of a trolling scheme against Chris. He is depicted in Issue 10 getting his teeth knocked out by Chris-Chan Sonichu's Hyper Beam before being scolded by Bugs Bunny.

===Clyde Cash===
{{main|Clyde Cash}}

Infamous troll who helped inspire many others. In actuality, Clyde's first appearance was in ''[[Sonichu Special 1]]'', capturing Ivy and trying to kill both Chris and Ivy when they escape. In issue 10, he's depicted as a panicking man as the 4-cent_garbage building began falling. Unwilling to let Chris kill him, he takes the hand of his lover, Jack Thaddeus, and leap to his death.

===Jack Thaddeus===
{{main|Jack Thaddeus}}

Person who owned the ads at the CWCkipedia and forced Chris to hump his [[PS3|Life Upgrade]]. He is depicted as another panicking man in the 4-cent_garbage building. He joins his lover, Clyde Cash, in leaping to their deaths, unwilling to let Chris have his victory.

===Meg Griffin===
{{main|Meg Griffin}}

Middle child of the fictional Griffin family, usually depicted as being ignored and ridiculed by her family and just about everyone else. In Issue 10, she was a disguise by Silvana, who appeared, told Chris how awesome he was, shared a kiss with him, then disappeared. Worst troll ever.

===Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu===
{{main|Asperchu}}

Star of Alec Benson Leary's comic of the same name. When Ultra Sonichu appears, he takes away his personality and Asperger's and transforms him into Mitch Sonichu (and Chris expected Alec to follow suit).

===Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)===
{{main|Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)}}

Formerly the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, Wild and Magi-Chan. Ultra Sonichu appears and removes their "Asperger's" (despite none of them actually having the condition) and gives them new identities of Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu.

===Metal Asperchu===

A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven [[Sonichu Balls|Chaos Pickles]]. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.

===Basement Rosechus===
{{main|Basement Rosechus}}

A group of Rosechus found in Alec's basement, malnourished and injured. Many had believed that Chris portrayed them as being raped by Alec, which Chris tried furiously to deny.

===Inos===
{{main|Inos}}

A homeless man discovered by Ultra Sonichu. To his horror, Inos is discovered with a five year cold and under the influence of weed. Ultra Sonichu steals his weed away then has the police slap his wrist.

===Simonchu===
{{main|Simonchu}}

The main hero of [[Evan]]'s Simonchu comics and Wild's lover in Asperchu. He attempts to kill his evil clone Simonla, but is stopped by Magi-Chan.

===Toilet Exploding Voltorb===
[[Image:Toiletexplodingvoltorb.png|thumb|Simonla's killer.]]

The Pokémon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.

===Sandy Rosechu===
{{main|Sandy Rosechu}}

The bastard child of Wild and Simonla. She is forced to be evolved by Wild and is trained by different Pokémon just so she can ''tear Evan's genitals out''.

===Judge Slack Lewis===

The judge presiding the case of the Asperpedia Four. He has an obvious bias towards Chris and allows everything that goes on. He may or may not be a rip-off of [[wikipedia:Lewis Black|Lewis Black]], a comedian who would likely rage at Chris and the comic.

===Marvey Blaziken===

A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a Bird. Serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of [[Chris and the Law|Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system]] as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's Mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===Kevin===
An unseen friend of [[Cerah Rosey]]. Since he's Jewish, Cerah bakes him as a gift a candle-shaped cookie for Hanukkah, due to the candle-related symbolism in this holiday's rituals. Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply asking if he's allergic, she just assumes it.<ref>''[[Sonichu 11]]'', p. [:image:SchuComic11P4.jpg|4].</ref> Because Jews are sickly Melvins with many allergies, you see.

=="[[Sonichu Special 2]]"==

===Ching Chong===
[[Image:SchuComicSP2P4.jpg|thumb|It is said that perfect wedding days can feel like sweet blissful happy blur for everybody. Ching Chong certainly feels that way, but not in the usual sense... ''she was told about "recycling".'']]

A small [[China|Chinese]] girl that Ivy tutored in [[Chris and art|art]]. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "[[Semen|Navy]]" while innocently browsing the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] website. Chris offered [[Chris and remorse|formal excuses]] to her in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log video]]. In the comic she appears as the flower girl.

===Other Characters===
*[[Keino]] - Ivy's dad
*[[Crass and Champ]] - Ivy's hermit crabs which are ring bearers

*'''Canino Houndhowl''' - receptionist for wedding, a creation of [[Megan]] that Chris ripped off
*[[Metal Gear Solid|Gecko and Mantis]], a pair of Raptor Chefs.
*'''Lilith''' - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
*'''Rachel''' - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
*CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
*[[My Little Pony]]
*'''[[MEOW|Spas]]''' - a feline pianist
{{clear}}

==[[Sonichu Special 4]]==
===CChanSonichuCWC===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The real Christian Weston Chandler. Here, he is displayed as a knife-wielding madman who wants to cut up Kacey for... no real reason. Ian responds by disarming him then blowing out his shins.

===Kacey===
{{main|Kacey}}
Girlfriend of the real Chris and damsel in distress in the comic.

===Megatron===
{{main|Megatron}}
Seeing as the comic already depicted Optimus Prime mowing down evil, it's only natural that his eternal nemesis and leader of the Decepticons Megatron strike fear into the hearts of those who do good. He aids Ian by shooting an unarmed Chris in the legs.

===Kacey's Family===
All are thankful to [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs. Her family is comprised of:
**[[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
**Kacey's mother
**Kacey's brother
**Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "[[CChanSonichuCWC#Irony|geeky twerp]]"

==Sonichu characters not seen in the comics but otherwise mentioned by Chris==
Being an avant-garde writer with little regards to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of those characters include:

*A [[Pokémon#Pokémon not appearing within the comics|plethora of various Pokémon]].
*A bunch of merpeople populating the lost city of Atlantis. Virtually nothing is known about them other than that they are friends of [[Bubbles]].<ref name="Bub cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu Bubbles Rosechu]</ref>
*Terrah LeAnne Yowman, her sweetheart Tippanston Gowen, and the various unnamed students mentioned in [[The High School Story]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens#The_High_School_Story The High School Story] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref>
*A Pokémon Professor named [[Cole]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia. He examined Sonichu and Rosechu after they transformed into their currents forms, and was also responsible for teleporting Rosechu to Kel when the latter was engaging in gym battles.<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*Grace Rosewell, the Reverend at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo attend her service every Sunday.<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>
*Fritz Richmond, a pastor at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Helped raise Angelica.<ref name="ang cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu Angelica Rosechu]</ref>
*An ex-student of Shinabe who kills his master in revenge for an unknown slight. Punchy kills in return with a punch and buries him behind Shinabe's Dojo.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />
*Three unnamed protectors of Parodyse Island - According to [[Megagi]]'s [[Animal Crossing]] card, she and three other unnamed individuals are the protectors of Parodyse Island.<ref>[[:File:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg]]</ref> Nothing further is known about them.

==Notes==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Lists]] [[Category:Characters]]

Sweetheart

2015-05-27T15:40:43Z

CaptainOHH: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (side-quest complete), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money| managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a financial nightmare. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material. In short, Chris's chances of attracting a sweetheart are slim to none.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Sweetheart

2015-05-27T15:39:34Z

CaptainOHH: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (side-quest complete), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to managing [[Chris and money|money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a financial nightmare. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material. In short, Chris's chances of attracting a sweetheart are slim to none.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

List of Sonichu characters

2015-05-25T21:04:47Z

CaptainOHH: /* Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist) */

The following is a '''list of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' characters''', in order of appearance.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
===Christian Weston Chandler===
{{main|Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris-Chan Sonichu|Collosal Chan|Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan}}

[[File:ColossalChrisChanVSMaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|The heroic Christian Weston Chandler!]]

Chris-chan's alternate self and [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]], who, believe it or not, is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much thinner than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even ''more'' psychotic than Real Chris, having [[4-cent garbage.com|murdered hundreds of people]] in a [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorist]] attack, permanently crippled [[Liquid Chris|several]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|others]], [[Gun Comic|blown out people's kneecaps with a handgun]] after they've surrendered, [[Sonichu 0|destroyed]] the home life of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job, carried out a mini-Holocaust on [[homos]]exuals, and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed in brutal and inhumane ways. For making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]]. And all with a gleeful smile on his face. His medallion allows him to don a [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursuit]] when he shouts the phrase ''Electric Hedgehog Power!'', and he can access his [[Collosal Chan|Collosal]] form with the use of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].

Christian first appeared right on the front cover of [[Issue 0]], ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in [[Issue 2]], which portrayed him as a descendant of the [[Cherokian Clan]] and fulfiller of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Chris has since made himself and his [[love quest]] the [[Chris and his ego|center of attention]] and main focus of the comic in every issue (with a [[Sonichu 8|few exceptions]]).

===Sonichu===
{{main|Sonichu (character)|Ultra Sonichu}}

[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|left|'I am [[gay|STRAIGHT!]]']]
Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolor who is an unholy fusion of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokémon|a Pikachu]]. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Christian had taken over as the main character, and by [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris had added [[Chaotic Combo|a new batch of recolors]] who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], despite Chris's return, as he transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]] and helped Chris in his killing spree.

===Rosechu===
{{main|Rosechu|The Incredible Lioness}}

[[Sonichu]]'s worthless, 0-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. [[Women's rights|This is Chris's idea of how women behave]], likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

===Sonic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog}}

[[Sega]] mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic. He makes a few appearances in the comic, most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], after Rosechu gets kidnapped. [[Women's rights|Again]].

Sonic also appears on the front cover of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'

===Perfect Chaos Monster===
[[Image:Perfect Chaos.jpg|thumb|right|Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonic X'' vs Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonichu''. Kinda lost his luster, huh?]]

'''Perfect Chaos''', or [[CWC-isms|"Perfect Chaos Monster"]] as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of [[Station Square]]. Sonic defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the ''positive'' energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in the [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of his [[Sonichu (comic)|new comic book series]]. The ''Sonichu'' series begins with a male [[Pikachu]] wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an [[Rainbow|unexplained phenomenon]] which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the ''Sonic Adventure'' game so that Sonic is [[Chris and his ego|little more than an assistant to Chris's original character]]). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of ''Sonichu''.

===Trainer Kel===
{{main|Kel}}

[[File:KelHallOfFame.jpg|thumb|left|Wait, when did Kel ever see Rosechu again?]]
Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into [[Rosechu]]. Continued to take care of Rosechu until [[Sonichu]] took over as her new pimp. She then disappeared for a long time, but when [[Sean August Watley]] later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became [[Death threats|very upset]]. When Sean was executed in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.

Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparently had came through the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with [[Naitsirhc]] at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu]</ref> This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point-blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non canon.

===David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]] Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]" even for her loose, gaping [[China]], and suggesting Kel have sex with him herself. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will [[Chris and writing#Kudzu plot|never know]].

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0]] (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created [[Simonla|gender-benders]] before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a [[lesbian]] relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

===Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc===
{{main|Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc}}
[[File:082-ReldnahcNotsewNaitsirhc.jpg|thumb|100px|You can tell he's gay because he is shirtless. Straight men wear [[Muscle bra|bras]]!]]

Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the [[Pokémon]] villain [[Giovanni]], and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When [[Chris]] fell into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], his [[Medallion]] also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "[[gay|straight]]" twin.

Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after [[Black Sonichu]], which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Christian [[Rape|pins him down]] and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, [[Chris and reality|homosexuality makes you evil]]. He was then sent to [[Kel]].

===Zapdos===
{{main|Pokémon}}

An electric type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.

===Jerkhief===
{{main|Jerkhief}}

[[Image:MyWoodenBadgeWasDelicious.jpg|thumb|left|Chris did once explain what this line meant. It made no more sense afterward than before.]]
Leader of the [[Jerkops]]. The Jerkhief is a massive [[African American]] man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"

He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the [[CWCville]] Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of good!

===Jerkops===
{{main|Jerkops}}
Villainous foot-soldiers of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his [[Love Quest]]. They are supposedly brainwashed [[slow-in-the-minds]] and College students. In spite of this, Christian has [[Chris and death|no qualms in killing them]], and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders (aside from Mary and [[Count Graduon]]) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.

===Metonic===
{{main|Metonic}}

Evolved form of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Vamprosa===
{{main|Vamprosa}}

Evolved form of [[Rosechu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Barbara Chandler===
{{main|Barbara Chandler}}

Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from [[Naitsirhc]] in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Giovanni===
{{main|Giovanni}}
[[File:SchuGioRetard.jpg|thumb|right|The insidious Giovanni]]
The leader of Team Rocket and villain of the first generation [[Pokémon]] games, Giovanni is determined to capture [[Sonichu]] at any cost. He teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, as Sonichu unexpectedly got help in dealing with the kidnappers, rather than going in alone like a retard, as they expected him to do. However, he only got help from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] because he bumped into him on his way to the base. So Sonichu is still retarded, just lucky.

Later on, Giovanni seems to have reevaluated his goals, and now seeks to take over [[CWCville]] and kill Christian, as he joined forces with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and helped them out during their attack on the city in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Surprisingly, he seemed to want his son Reldnahc to rule the city, rather than wanting it for himself. This shows that at least Giovanni thinks of others sometimes rather than himself, which is more than can be said for our heroes.

===Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik===
{{main|Doctor Robotnik}}

[[File:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|left|Even Eggman was never this flamboyant.]]
Recurring villain of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, 'Dr. Eggman', as he is known, has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers; Eggmanland. In ''Sonichu'', however, he shows up to help Giovanni devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the PVCC. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching Pokémon, or why he has any kind of grudge against [[Chris and his ego|Chris of all people]] is a mystery that not even [[GodJesus]] could solve.

Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] and the nigh unstoppable E-Series robots, as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course Metal Sonic. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge satellite, (As seen in ''Sonic Unleashed'') that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. Despite having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle again Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.

===Team Rocket===
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures [[Pokémon]] (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in [[CWCville]].

Team Rocket is run by [[Giovanni]] and his retarded homosexual son, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

They are also responsible for the creation of [[Blake]].

=== Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist) ===
[[File:Bill1.png|thumb|Dr. Bill Schwartz, the Scientist.]]
One of the most popular characters in Sonichu lore (and totally not a [[Wikipedia:Bill Nye the Science Guy|ripoff]]), Bill Schwartz, PhD, was a genetics researcher for [[Team Rocket]] during the organization's brief alliance with [[Robotnik|Ivo Robotnik]]. It was Bill's duty to prepare [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu's]] DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of [[Blake|the clone]] until it took on a black color.

It was for quite some time fanon, that Bill was getting high somewhere on [[the Moon]] together with Chris's other forgotten Sonichu characters, such as the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]], [[Metal Sonichu]], and [[Yawning Squirtle]], which ended up being the premise for the troll comic, Moon-Pals. Chris, probably angry about the comic portraying Bill as a stoner, declared this depiction of him invalid on [[Twitter]], saying Bill was still in employ of Giovanni, and would be returning in comic. Bill later appears in [[Sonichu 10]], stating that he [[Chris and English|stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days]]. Bill later appears, along with [[Kel]] and [[Allison Amber]], to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.

===Black Sonichu/Blachu/Blake===
{{main|Blake}}
[[File:254-BlachuPose.jpg|thumb|left|Doesn't he remind you of [[Shadow the Hedgehog|someone]]?]]

Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's [[semen|DNA]], which Naitsirhc obtained in [[fapcup|battle]]. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for [[Giovanni]], and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with [[Bubbles]]. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic [[rape]] at the hands of a [[Silvana Rosechu|trannie]].

He also has his own superform, in the same vein as [[Ultra Sonichu]], named [[Wall of Originals|Silver Blachu]]. It is never seen in the comic, though.

Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu strips, [[Love quest|stalking]] [[Rosechu]].

=== Metal Sonichu ===
The [[Sonichu]] rip-off of Metal Sonic, Metal Sonichu is one of the few characters that even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Despite this, he has [[Alec]]'s derivative character Metal [[Asperchu]] refer to [[Collosal Chan|GodMode!Chris]] as the "original creator", either implying that Chris wanted to claim Metal Sonichu as original all along, or he wanted to [[Chris and copyright|take credit for another one of Alec's characters]]. Sadly, though, he blames the villains for it. Much like the original Metal Sonic, it is a combat robot built by [[Doctor Robotnik]] for [[Giovanni]] in the image of Sonichu, with the intention of [[Jerkops|capturing]] or [[Chris and Death|killing]] its organic counterpart.

In fitting with its role as a killing machine, it had some unique weapons and capabilities which the original Sonichu did not have- these included laser/lightning cannon-like weapons built into both of its forearms, an automated targeting system built into its HUD, levitation, high speed flight and air-dashing abilities provided by the booster engine in its body, and a lightweight yet incredibly resiliant armour and chassis which was capable of resisting several attacks from both Sonic and Sonichu with little apparent damage. It also matches and could theoretically exceed Sonichu's [[power]] and standard abilities, although this was not seen during its initial appearance.

Metal Sonichu is defeated in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] by Sonic and Sonichu after being hit by a combined attack which hurls it into Space, eventually causing it to crash into the fucking [[Moon]]; however, the robotic clone survives this attack, as evident by the sight of its eyes glowing in the darkness and a clawed metal hand rising out of a crater, resulting in a cliffhanger.

The fans speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the robotic clone and that it would never be heard of again, but after being constantly reminded about it in the [[Mailbag]], and after Sean used Metal Sonichu for Moon-Pals, Chris suddenly declared that Metal Sonichu would be returning at some point in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] or [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]. According to Chris, the deactivated Metal Sonichu would have been found on the Moon and used as a vessel for the recently-revived [[Count Graduon]] to return to Earth, and would become the new villain- mostly because he had already removed every other major villain from the comic permanently in preparation for [[Sonichu 10|an issue]] dedicated to murdering characters based on his IRL trolls, and afterwards, [[Chris and writing|left nothing for his characters to do anymore]] as a result of it. Whether or not we'll actually see Metal Sonichu pull it off remains to be seen.
{{-}}
<center><gallery>
Image:MetalSonichu.jpg|A robotic copy of a [[Sonichu (character)|copy]], and it's still the more likeable of the two.
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg|In [[Animal Crossing]] card form.
Image:221-ACMSchuBck.jpg|Yeah...
Image:222-YuMSchu.jpg|[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] variation.
</gallery></center>

 

===Amy Rose===
{{main|Amy Rose}}
[[File:Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|200px|thumb|'I had no idea that the [[Metal Gear Solid|Les Enfants Terribles Project]] had gone this far!']]

[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s love interest. Amy Rose in the [[video games]] is a 12 year old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often pursues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation.

That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in ''Sonic Adventure'', where she singlehandedly defeated the Zero robot and in ''Sonic Adventure 2'', where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In ''Sonichu'', however, all her personality is gone and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any Rosechu. She shows up for a couple of pages in [[Issue 1]] where she talks with Rosechu at CWCville Mall about meaningless bullshit. Interestingly, the page shows how much Chris ended up copying her design for Rosechu.

===Hanna===
{{main|Hanna}}

A woman who [[trolled]] Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his [[Attraction Sign]]. Chris not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.

The ''Sonichu'' version of Hanna is apparently an agent of PVCC, and the only troll in the entire comic to to not be a cartoonishly evil-looking miscreant, probably due to being a woman.

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==

===Wes Iseli===
{{main|Wes Iseli|Wasabi Rival}}

[[File:Wes Iseli.jpg|thumb|left|In his Wes-Li Sonichu form.]]
Sarah Hammer's IRL boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee.

When Chris fulfilled the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] by becoming [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become [[Wes-Li Sonichu]]. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating [[Count Graduon]]. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], and attending [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain conclave in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as assisting in the attack on CWCville during [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Hammer|Queen of the Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:Sonichu02-P13.jpg|thumb|Sarah as she appears in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].]]

Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furry just like himself.

As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against [[Count Graduon]]. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone. Sarah then got married to another man, rejecting Chris yet again, and she left the city of CWCville entirely. She did cameo once more, though, in [[Sonichu Special 2]], where she dressed in drag and attended the ceremony of Christian's ill-fated marriage to [[Ivy]], acting as his best man.

===Keeper of the Destiny Cave===
[[File:Keeper.PNG|thumb|Is he old or just a kid with a beard?]]
An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his [[Medallion]] to transform into his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursona]]. After revealing the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with [[Yawning Squirtle]], if he's smart.

===Mary Lee Walsh===
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|left|For some reason, Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. [[Chris and Writing|At no point is any information about her motivation for this provided by anybody]].

Mary Lee Walsh first appeared in the comics in [[Issue 2]], but a preview of her design was shown in [[Issue 0]], and she had been mentioned in both [[sub-episodes]] that had been in previous comics. In her first full appearance, she was wielding the staff of [[Count Graduon]], and directing the Golem attacking [[CWCville]]. This is thought to be her canonical first appearance as well, and it is believed that the subepisodes all take place after [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], since the very first sub-episode features Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Throughout the comics, she did nothing but throw wave after wave of [[Jerkops]], [[Manajerks]] and other PVCC agents at Chris. Occasionally she'd help out herself, and sometimes she'd just kick back and let her robots handle it. She captured [[Crystal Weston Chandler]] in the Dark Mirror Hole at one point, but it had very little lasting consequence. Christian later confronted her as Hobo-Chan in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. There, she let Chris destroy Graduon's staff and she surrendered. Not content, Christian attacked her with two large swords. It ended with her being paralyzed for life and put in prison.

===Count Graduon===
{{main|Count Graduon}}

[[Image:Count Graduon.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon, the most [[Homos|phallic]] villain in the ''Sonichu'' series.]]
The Evil released when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the [[Cherokian Clan]]. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has secretly manipulated [[Silvana Rosechu]] to become his trannie rape weapon against the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. He appeared to be destroyed after [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|GodMode!Chris]] smashes his staff in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but Chris has stated that he would bring Graduon back in a later issue, during which he would have found and possessed the deactivated Metal Sonichu on the [[Moon]], again returning to Earth as the main villain.

===Golem===
A weapon used by [[Count Graduon]] after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with Mary Lee Walsh. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked [[CWCville]], [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]],[[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and [[Saramah Rosechu]] teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2, where it originally appeared as a boss controlled by Eggman.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===The Chaotic Combo===
{{main|Chaotic Combo}}

Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the [[Rainbow]] that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. They would form the central cast of ''Sonichu'' for the rest of the comic, outranking even the original Sonichu in the CWCville hierarchy.

===Wild Sonichu===
{{main|Wild Sonichu}}
[[Image:Wild parenting tips.jpg|thumb|left|Wild Sonichu, advising his one year old daughter on how best to mutilate a man's genitals.]]

The green recolor and a sort of leader to the group. Wild also partially rips off Spider-Man. He was apparently raised by a clan of weird ninja Scythers and a Venusaur. Once his father was kidnapped, he forgot all about him.

Later in life he became another member of the Great Director's private army and he served as another footsoldier in the many battles against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and PVCC. During the middle of all this dumbfuckery, he attended a Dating Education class and got paired up with a mindless twit named [[Simonla Rosechu]]. Simonla was later killed, but fortunately for Wild, the [[Sandy Rosechu|bastard child]] which resulted from all sex he had with her [[Chris and art#Originality|looked almost exactly like Simonla in every single way]].

===Bubbles Rosechu===
{{main|Bubbles Rosechu}}
[[File:Iamnotretarded.jpg|thumb|Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, Bubbles.]]

The sky-blue recolor and an airheaded slut. According to [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], she was raised as a child by a random Swampert who happened to find her. One day, a Boulder-Dropping Whale randomly attacked her mother, and she forced herself to evolve so that she could save her. Some time later, she met the rest of the Combo when they all united under the common goal of beating up a [[Niggos|black guy]]. She does nothing for the rest of the comic besides fucking [[Blake]]. She finds a [[Sonichu Ball]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], if you can count that as doing something. Oh, and there was one point where she failed to tell the difference between [[Silvana|a trannie]] and her own boyfriend even when told the answer by a psychic.

Since everyone saw Bubbles as a stupid whore, she was portrayed as the idiot of the group in the webcomic [[Asperchu]]. Some time later, Christian established on her [[CWCipedia]] article that Bubbles was supposedly a very intelligent girl and had studied with the people of Atlantis. As you would expect, none of this was shown in the comics, and Bubbles still acts like a stupid whore.

===Angelica Rosechu===
{{main|Angelica}}
[[Image:271-Angelica.jpg|thumb|left|Angelica, the embodiment of the Antichrist.]]

A white recolor. Angelica Rosechu was made to be a religious type, specifically a Catholic. Her backstory explains that she was taken in by a convent of nuns, who raised her to be a devout Christian and named her Angelica after her resemblance of the biblical angels. Despite this, Angelica still grew up to be a filthy whore and a violent mercenary of [[CWCville]]. She eventually evolved one night in her sleep. Christian also [[Chris and writing|SOMEHOW]] knew who she was and that she had evolved, and showed up at her window to give her shoes and a scrunchie, which he left on her bed for her to find when she woke up.

Despite being portrayed as a pacifist and a peacemanker, she later became heavily entrenched in Christian's war against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]], and may very well have killed several people in the battle. This is pure speculation however. What isn't speculation though, was that she did, in fact, ''personally execute'' [[Alec Benson Leary]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] - after reading him the last rites of course, [[Chris and religion|which normal Catholics are not permitted to do]]. She also said 'May God have mercy' whilst doing so. This may indicate that on some level she knows that what she is doing is wrong, but it's likely that she was referring to Alec, because like Chris, she also has a huge [[ego]], and genuinely believes that people should be killed for making [[parody]] webcomics. Like Bubbles, she is also a slut. She put out for Reginald Sneasel on the first date and she has been known to [[Media:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG|do things in church that would make Jesus himself cry.]]

===Punchy Sonichu===
{{main|Punchy Sonichu}}

[[Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy, the Asian one.]]
The red one. Punchy is not even a recolor. He is an exact duplicate of Knuckles the Echidna, who was already red. The only difference between them is that Punchy is far more retarded and has racist looking slanty eyes.

Punchy was born in a dojo somewhere after his egg crash landed there. Immediately after hatching, he was challenged to a sparring match by the dojo owner's daughter and student, Mypoe, who [[Dragon Ball Z|ripped off his tail since it was a weakness]]. He then punched her through the roof and probably killed her. This is where his name came from. The dojo owner, [[Excel Saga|G.D.W. Shinabe]], then took it upon himself to train the infant murderer, and teach him how to properly use martial arts. This training was wasted on Punchy however, who just ended up using [[pokémon]] attacks for the rest of his life. Punchy later got caught up with the rest of the gang, and formed the Chaotic Combo with them. Shortly afterward, his master died under mysterious circumstances and he apparently inherited the dojo. Punchy then spent the rest of ''Sonichu'' fighting Jerkops and related enemies. He got a break from the routine in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], where he took the [[Dating Education]] courses to try and learn how best to hook up with Angelica. As it turned out, Angelica would have been easy, but due to circumstances, Punchy ended up with another whore named Layla Flaaffy. Since [[Women's rights|all women are the same in Sonichu]], Punchy just rolled with it and had sex with her anyway. He later also participated in the [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] executions.

===Magi-Chan Sonichu===
{{main|Magi-Chan}}
[[Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|thumb|left|When you turn your back, he's going to stab you.]]

The purple recolor. Magi-Chan was born in a mysterious cave where, upon hatching, he was contacted by the Pokémon Mewtwo, who trained him with his powers. Upon evolving into Magi-Chan, he promptly let out a fart. His training complete, Mewtwo left him and Magi-Chan would go on join the Chaotic Combo. Despite his awesome powers, Wild Sonichu was chosen over Magi-Chan as leader of the Chaotic Combo. It would be Magi-Chan who would serve as the means to locate the Sonichu Balls from their locations, accidentally causing Chris to be lost in the [[Time Void]]. He would also fight Silvana from time to time as he attempted to save her from Graduon. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he frees Chris from the Time Void, goes into the future to bring the cure for homosexuality back to the present, but starts suffering due to that, yammering something about a crisis only Chris could avoid, failing to find a man high off his ass and failing to stop Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla.

=== Sonee and Rosey ===
{{main|Sonee & Rosey}}

The (irritating) baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], who appear on the first page of [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]. Technically, baby versions of Sonichu and Rosechu could never exist since they were created directly from a Pikachu and Raichu respectively, but that didn't stop Chris from creating them. They never made a canon appearance, but Chris recycled the designs for [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]].

===Scyther===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|right|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu. [[Chris and art|We think]].]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild told Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

===Venusaur===
{{main|Pokémon}}
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.

===Swampert===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

=== Boulder-Dropping Whale ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[Image:Boulder Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.
[[Image:Wailord.png|200px|thumb|An actual Wailord.]]
Originally identified as a common whale in the [[Audiobooks]], Chris stated in [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|a blog in January 2010]] that it is a Wailord, a [[Pokémon]] that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite.

Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals '''Bill''', '''Metal Sonichu''', and '''[[Yawning Squirtle]]''', getting high as fuck.

=== Nuns ===
[[Image:Schununs.jpg|thumb|"The Lord has sent us an egg, sister. Tonight, we'll have omelets"]]
The two nuns that raised [[Angelica]], even though ''real'' nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica, they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words ''bless'' and ''Lord'' frequently.

In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from. Chris stated in the [[videobooks]] that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, ''and'' they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.

===G.D.W. Shinabe===
[[Image:Shinabe.jpg|thumb|left|Let it never be said Chris has no respect for [[Chris and copyright|copyright]]. He at least advertises the stuff he rips off.]]
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris's many horrible ''[[Excel Saga]]'' references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', a follow-up project to ''Excel Saga''.

In ''Sonichu'', Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts [[Punchy Sonichu]] and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for ''Great Director Watanabe'', a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.

If Christian's "Sonichu" article on [[CWCipedia]] is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason ''during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo''.

=== Mypoe ===
[[Image:Schumypoe.jpg|120px|thumb|A classic example of fanservice in ''Sonichu'']]
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of ''Puni Puni Poemy'', depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble [[Excel Saga|Excel]] instead. Despite this, Chris claims that the [[lie|two characters are not related]].<ref>I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.284:11_to_6:01.29</ref> In ''Sonichu'', Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged [[Punchy Sonichu]] to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a ''weak point'', and should be removed (a concept stolen from [[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.

Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the [[trolls|fans]]. She has a special place in their hearts due to being the only character that tried to put a Sonee out of its miserable existence shortly after birth.

=== Mewtwo ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[Image:Mewtwo.PNG|thumb|left|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris's idiocy.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers.

Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this though, much like all of the other sideplots [[Chris and his Ego|not involving him]], it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokémon team. Since in Pokémon lore there is only one Mewtwo, it can be assumed that this is the same one.

===Flame the Sunbird===
{{main|Flame the Sunbird}}

Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokémon, yet he readily uses Pokémon attacks, such as Drill Peck.

===Black Manajerk===
{{main|B-Manajerk}}

[[Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|thumb|100px|Black Manajerk, the badass.]]
Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his [[Love Quest]] at [[Mal-Wart]]. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic]], confront Chris after the [[Jerkhief]] tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with [[Mecha-Jerkops]], and Chris is aided by [[Darkbind Sonichu]]. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his [[Medallion]]. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention after Chris was sucked into the [[Time Void]].

[[Chris and race|And yes, the 'B' in B-Manajerk does stand for Black]].

===Merried Seinor Comic===
{{main|Merried Seinor Comic}}

Companion of [[B-Manajerk]], Merried Seinor Comic, also known as Kirby, is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's in which Chris was loitering that day. In ''Sonichu'', he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, Darkbind Sonichu arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.

===Wal-Mart Manajerk===
{{main|W-M-Manajerk}}

[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Truly an inspiration to us all.]]
The ruler of the [[Mal-Wart]] region, W-M-Manajerk confronts Chris shortly after B-Manajerk and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other [[Manajerks]], W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his [[Medallion]] with the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his "dream sibling", [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.

Particularly worrying was that according to dialogue, Chris and Crystal were surprised to learn he could survive in just his head form after they removed it from his body, implying that they had intended to murder the helpless man.

===Darkbind Sonichu===
{{main|Darkbind Sonichu}}

[[Image:081-Darkbind.jpg|130px|thumb|right|Dear Lord, he's even [[gay]]er than [[Magi-Chan]]!]]
Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the Manajerks at the Mal-Wart region, but leaves just before the [[W-M-Manajerk]] shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.

Darkbind would later return to repel [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s invasion of [[CWCville]] in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] to re-awaken his beloved [[Zelina Rosechu]]. He finally achieves this in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], and then starts crying.

===Mecha-Jerkops===
{{main|Mecha-Jerkops}}

Mechanical [[Jerkops]] used by the Manajerks to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops. One wonders what was the point was when actual Jerkops are far more capable and numerous.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
=== Crystal Weston Chandler ===
{{main|Crystal Weston Chandler (character)}}

Chris's imaginary sister. A virtual duplicate of Chris with the exception of being a female, she is created by the power of Chris's [[Pixelblock]] [[Heart Torch]], giving her sentience. Like Chris, she can become a Rosechu - Crystalina Rosechu - through her own medallion. She later spends half of the comic trapped away in a [[Dark Mirror Hole|mirror]] before being rescued as an afterthought. Chris makes [[Chris and Sex#Incest|numerous remarks about her beauty]].

=== Snorlax ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A [[Snorlax]] who briefly appeared in Christian's 'Backyard Safari' [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1500 pounds]] and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Chris and hypocrisy|How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops]].

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

=== ScotPalazzo ===
{{main|ScotPalazzo}}

ScotPalazzo is the [[Manajerk]] of Fa-Square, from the Sho-Mall Region. He is based on the manager who called the [[Jerkhief]] on Chris in real life, though he did not appear in ''Sonichu'' until Sub-Episode 6, where he for some reason became jealous that Chris had his own TV show; CWC's Backyard Safari. He decided once he was done watching it to order more Jerkops after Chris, since he was once again persisting to [[Love Quest|solicit sex in a public place]] and was still [[Story of my current days|resisting arrest]]. Or at least, that would be the [[Honest|truthful]] reason. In ''Sonichu'', however, it's because he hates love, since it caused his mother's murder suicide somehow. It's likely that the real ScotPalazzo's mother did no such thing, but Chris for some reason thinks that [[Trolls|anyone who dislikes him]] at all must have terrible and tragic lives, since [[Chris and his ego|only people with no life could ever possibly hate Chris]]! That said, ScotPalazzo is probably the only villain in Sonichu, at least until [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], to have any kind of motivation, so no one's complaining. ScotPalazzo also attended Mary's villain convention after Chris was lost to the [[Time Void]].

=== Turdijerk ===
{{main|Turdijerk}}

Turdijerk is the Manajerk of the [[Get-Tar]] region. He appears in Sub-Episode 7, where he tells Chris to get out of his store because he is loitering on private property again and scaring off his customers. Unlike with previous cases where he has provoked Manajerks into a fight, this time Chris just attacked them outright after they asked him to leave. Not caring for being assaulted by loitering manchildren, Turdijerk calls [[Bagget|Marcus Bagget]] to come and deal with the potentially dangerous Chris before he attacks any more of his employees. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention.

=== Trebor Capman ===
{{main|Trebor Capman}}

Turdijerk's assistant and the second victim of Christian's unwarranted attack on the store manager. It can be assumed that his real name is Robert, given Chris's legendary love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]]. He was also present at the villain convention with his boss Turdijerk.

=== Marcus Bagget ===
{{main|Bagget}}

{{Incomplete}}

=== Crackder ===
{{main|Crackder}}

{{Incomplete}}

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===William Spicer===
The husband of Sarah Hammer. Because Chris had no clue as to what William actually looked like, Chris depicted him as a Jack's Knight, a card from the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card game franchise.

===Megan Schroeder (Meg-Chan)/Sailor Megtune===
{{main|Megan Schroeder|Sailor Megtune}}
Chris's second love interest. Based off of the actual Megan Schroeder, she moonlights as a Sailor Senshi, devoted to aiding Chris whenever he can't get off his own fat rear to do so. Despite having a very central role when she first appears, she is quickly erased from the series after her real-life counterpart gives Chris the boot in the aftermath of his ED discovery.

===Megagi La Skunk===
{{main|Megagi La Skunk}}
Megan's skunk companion. Starting out as a butch, tomboyish character with more personality than the rest of the Rosechus, her distinct nature rapidly corrodes as she gains a boyfriend in Bionic, devolving into a bland feminine cheerleader by Issue 9.

===Harriet, Joseph, Julia, Nick===
Couples harassed by Jerkops.

===Jamsta Sonichu===
{{main|Jamsta Sonichu}}

DJ for KCWC and one of the few Sonichus shown that weren't created by the Chaotic Rainbow. He has no obvious powers and speaks in outdated slang. Interestingly, Jamsta's the actual ORIGINAL Sonichu, yet he wasn't discovered and named until later, giving Sonichu all the credit.

===CWCVille Constable===
One of the few non-Jerkops in CWCVille.

===CADD Chef (alias Keneru-Meneth)===
{{main|CADD Chef}}

Another one of Slaweel's minions who does nothing but complain about building designs. The character is based off of Chris's Computer-Aided Drafting and Design and the South Park character Chef. Why Chris chose to combine these two concepts is known only to him.

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==

===Patti-Chan===
{{Main|Patti Chandler|Patti-Chan}}

Chris's beloved dog. Following her real-life death, in the comics, a combination of eating a four-leaf clover and moonbeams transformed Patti into Patti-Chan. Realizing what had happened, Chris brought his dog to CWCVille so it can live on forever. She uses her magic to protect the Mayor's office in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], then kills Alec in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] because "she's not a zombie."

===Allison Amber===
{{main|Allison Amber}}

Chris's mayoral secretary. Once a prominent Hollywood star, she bafflingly gave up the fame and fortune to work in the CWCVille Mayor's office. She essentially performs the entirety of the mayoral work in lieu of Chris while he traipses around murdering people and finding true love. When Chris became trapped in the Time Void, it was indicated that she had overtaken all of his duties until his return - presumably this made very little difference to Allison's schedule. In ''Sonichu'' #10, she rather harshly kills Sean for his promiscuous depiction of her in ''Moon-Pals''.

===Shadow the Hedgehog===
{{main|Shadow the Hedgehog|Christian & The Hedgehog Boys}}

The Ultimate Life Form created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, this [[stress|angst-filled]] hedgehog is the focal point of a number of teenager-aimed Sonic games made in the mid-2000s and is the "inspiration" of Blake. Despite not appearing in the comics proper, Shadow DOES make an appearance in an ad for Christian and the Hedgehog Boys' solo album.

===Zelina Rosechu===
{{main|Zelina Rosechu}}

Darkbind Sonichu's love interest. She is put under a spell through the locked power of the Sonichu Crystals prior to the start of the series. In[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], she is awakened to much fanfare and is unsurprisingly revealed to be as unimportant and devoid of personality as all the other Rosechus.

===Clawdorf===
{{main|Clawdorf}}

Darkbind Sonichu's deadly foe. After putting Zelina into a deep sleep, he is accidentally turned into stone and left in a cave. He is presumed freed by Ultra Sonichu.

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Bionic the Hedgehog}}

Chris's first creation before Sonichu came into play. Thought up of after getting smacked with a Sonichu Crystal (later altered to be a basketball), Bionic became Chris's first creation. He would go into obscurity until Naitsirhc arrived on the scene, knocking out the villain with a basketball. He would soon fall in love with Megagi and go and aid Chris in his adventures, culminating in Bionic electrocuting Alec.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==

===Mighty the Armadillo===

Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Arm'''or'''dillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the [[Sonic The Hedgehog]] video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by ''Sonichu'' readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
 

===Sammy===
{{main|Sammy}}

A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical ''[[Family Guy]]'' style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate representation of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
 

===Skelevision and Ghost Buggy===
{{main|Ghostbusters}}

Items used by the Filmation Ghostbusters in their adventures. Sammy busts through them in his "Family Guy Skitch" in his confused state.

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Andes}}

One of Chris's old classmates and one of his old high school crushes. She appears in Episode 15, discovering Chris's nude picks and is revealed to have warned Rosechu in Episode 17. Interestingly, she is one of the few who ''doesn't'' get a retconned name change.

===Bender Bending Rodreiguez===
{{main|Futurama}}

A lazy self-absorbed robot who gets his kicks off of robbing people, getting drunk and all around being lazy, especially with his friend Philip J. Fry. Doesn't ''that'' sound like someone we know. Bender is seen spiraling through the time stream as Chris, Sonichu and Magi-Chan travel on.

===Joseph Herring===
{{main|Joseph Herring}}

One of the many people affected by Slaweel's attacks, this pimply faced man, later renamed Joe Herr, is seen lamenting about the loss of his girlfriend. The character is based off of a man by the same name who actually looked pretty decent.

===Beavis and Butt-Head===
{{main|Beavis and Butt-Head}}

MTV's legendary icons for all things 1990, Beavis and Butt-Head were two idiotic teens who got their kicks through destruction, pervert antics and all around being complete and utter idiots. And America ''mostly'' loved them. They show up in Episode 16 slamming a locker door, mimicking a scene from one of their shorts.

===Janekops===
[[Image:Janekops.jpg|thumb|100px|You have the right to remain ''sexayyyyy'']]

Female [[Jerkops]]. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. From this it can be inferred that any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at [[PVCC]] in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.

===Jason Kendrick Howell===
{{main|Jason Kendrick Howell}}

The head of 4-cent_garbage, Jason Kendrick Howell is the bald-headed, eye-patch wearing cause of Chris's torment in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Based off of the person by the same name whom Chris believes put up the Chris-Chan ED page, Jason is shown as apathetic to Sonichu's pleas before he launches a pickle at Rosechu, causing her to transform into the [[Incredible Lioness]] and face rape him. He would return in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], only to decide he was going to retire from trolling Chris because tormenting him is WRONG.

===Kathleen===
{{main|Kathleen}}

Kathleen is Jason's "woman slave", seen wearing an odd BDSM outfit and in a crawling position. She stays ever faithful by Jason's side throughout the whole thing. She is based off the woman by the same name, who was Jason's girlfriend at the time.

===Blanca===
{{main|Blanca}}

The first of many troll gal-pals to appear in the comics. Blanca was the creator of Jiggliami and was present at the interview with Jamsta. In issue 8, however, it's revealed that she went back to Kentucky to be with her boyfriend.

===Jiggliami===
{{main|Jiggliami}}

Blanca's creation, an odd fusion of Amy Rose and a Jigglypuff. She is a songstress who's seeking to become popular. She appears in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] with an interview with Jamsta and in a Spring Break concert in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], helping the Chaotic Combo before inexplicably disappearing forever.

===Lolisa Rosechu===
{{main|Lolisa Rosechu}}

Jamsta's assistant on his radio show. Oddly, she is also the oldest Rosechu of the bunch, but because this is Chris's comic, she is conveniently shoved aside so that Rosechu is the first, thus named after her.

===Robert Simmons V===
{{main|Robert Simmons V}}

Another troll who made his way into the comic as a major fan of the comics. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he appears at Jiggliami's interview. However, after Chris learned the truth of the man, he retconned it in his [[Videobooks]] by saying he was arrested for getting too close to Chris.

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==

===Lovey and Thurston Howell III===
{{main|Lovey Howell|Thurston Howell III}}
[[Image:Howells.jpg|thumb|200px|The "S" in "Sonichu" stands for "Subtlety".]]

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] with a scathing [[parody]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no [[anime]] or ''[[Family Guy]]'' characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found '''Thurston Howell III''' and '''Lovey Howell''', the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series ''Gilligan's Island''. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.

Appearing outside the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointless exercise, as Chris had already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his [[Sonichu (website)|website]], [[YouTube]] videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in [[2008]].

===Beel===
{{main|Beel}}

The secretary at 4-cent_garbage, he is a devil-like creature with the [[homos|gayest]] pants ever. He shows up briefly in Episode 17, but is more prominently shown in Episode 21, stealing Chris's medallion, before having it teleported away, then blasted to kingdom come. He returns just in time to berate Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus over their trolling of Chris (comparing it to working with Adolf Hitler) before disappearing.

===4-cent_garbage.com employees===
{{main|4-cent_garbage}}

The workers of 4-cent_garbage building. Chris reappears to briefly sock one of them in the face. In Episode 21, Chris returns fully and destroys the building, killing about a hundred of the employees.

===George W. Bush===
{{main|George W. Bush}}

42nd President of the United States and son of the 40th President, George H. W. Bush, he saw his highs of popularity from the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 attacks]] plummet after he initiated the War in Iraq. He is depicted in the elevator gag tipping over his successor off his ladder.

===Barack Obama===
{{main|Barack Obama}}

43rd President of the United States and first [[niggo|African-American president]]. Obama is depicted in the elevator gag attempting to paint the White House black, but is stopped by Bush.

===John McCain===
{{main|John McCain}}

Obama's opponent in the 2008 elections and former US Senator. He yells at Obama for painting the White House black.

===Hilary Clinton===
{{main|Hillary Clinton}}

New York Senator, former First Lady to 41st President Bill Clinton and one of Obama's opponents in the spot for Democratic nominee for President. She's present as Obama paints the White House.

===Sarah Palin===
{{main|Sarah Palin}}

Former Alaskan governor, John McCain's running mate and all-around gullible bag of bricks. This "bulldog with lipstick" was present as Obama painted the White House.

===Simonla Rosechu===
{{main|Simonla Rosechu}}

Wild Sonichu's fuck toy, Simonla Rosechu is the unholy monstrosity created when Chris took Simonchu Sonichu, a creation by [[Evan]] (who in turned based it off of Simon the Digger of ''Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann'') and gave it breasts and china. Simonla first appears when she joins the other Rosechus in "stripping for [[Women's Rights]], introducing her friend Zapina. She's later paired up with Wild in Dating Education before aiding said Sonichu in defending CWCVille from Slaweel's attack. However, Simonla would meet her demise by a Voltorb blowing itself up, killing her ''on the toilet''.

===Zapina Rosechu===
{{main|Zapina Rosechu}}

A young (under-age) Rosechu who's friends with Simonla. She first appears trying to join some of the other Rosechus in stripping publicly for Women's Rights, but Rosechu shoots down that idea because of the "dumb" child pornography laws. She is later seen defending CWCVille from Slaweel and her minions.

===Greta Squall===
[[File:Greta.PNG|thumb|There are blind five-year-olds who can draw better human figures. With their feet.]]
News anchor for "[[Excel Saga|FQX]] News", obviously a parody of Fox News anchor Greta Van Susternen. Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.

===Silvana Rosechu===
{{main|Silvana Rosechu}}

Another missing Rosechu, she was found on [[The Motherfucking Moon]] by Count Graduon and turned evil, giving her shapeshifting powers and a [[duck|penis]]. She appears in Episode 18, fucking Blake disguised as Bubbles before being driven off. She appears again in Episode 20, fighting Magi-Chan and appears one last time, disguising herself as a malformed Meg Griffin. According to Chris, Silvana would lose her powers and her dick when Graduon's staff was shattered and she would soon fall in love with Magi-Chan.

===Yawning Squirtle===
{{main|Yawning Squirtle}}

A Squirtle that is seen yawning and given a very stoned look. Many trolls took it that the Squirtle was actually high off of weed and ran with it. In retaliation, Chris mentioned that this Squirtle was actually an old friend of Bubbles and that it was also captured and not shot to the moon.

===Sea Pokémon===

Comprised of [[Mudkips]], [[Seadra]], [[Goldeen]], [[Staryu]], [[Corsola]], [[Octillery]], [[Mantine]], and [[Corphish]]. Note that Mudkip are found in swamps, not the ocean.

===Optimus Prime===
{{main|Optimus Prime}}

Supreme Commander of the Autobots and hero of the Transformers franchise. He is considered to be one of Chris's idols. However, he is depicted in Issue 8 as a grand hero (or a murderer, however you want to look at it), killing Decepticon spy Sarah Jackson.

===Sarah Jackson===
{{main|Sarah Jackson}}

One of Chris's sweethearts and Decepticon spy. She is given a memorial by depicting the heroic Optimus Prime running down her truck in his truck form.

===Sarah Cassandra McKenzie (aka Panda Halo)===
{{main|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie|Panda Halo}}

The third of Chris's gal-pals. She is given a shout out in Issue 8, only to be depicted dying in an a fire in Issue 9, mirroring her real-life "demise" which Chris concocted with no impetus.

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==

===Sarah Jackaras===

Sarah Jackson's second comic persona. She is depicted as a teacher for Chris's demented Dating Education class. At the end of the episode, her sister nonchalantly announces her death before handing out test scores.

===George Philip===

A kid in Dating Education. He resembles Kenny from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Layla Flaaffy===
{{main|Layla Flaaffy}}

Ivy's companion, who does not even vaguely resemble a Flaaffy. She ends up hooking up with Punchy in Episode 19 and is shown one last time blasting away a bunch of Jerkops with a Thunder attack in Episode 20.

===Ivy===
{{main|Ivy}}

The last of the real-life sweethearts to show up in the ''Sonichu'' comics (excluding the specials) thus far. She ends up having a vision where God and Jesus tell her that she is to be Chris's one true love. Irrespective of this, she is strangled by elevator wire in Episode 20.

===Reginald Sneasel===
{{main|Reginald Sneasel}}

Chris's Mary Sue character that fills in for him while he is still trapped in the Time Void. He despises [[Niggo|darkies]] and attempts to break up Punchy and Layla only for Angelica to feel sorry for him and be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]].

===God/Jesus===
{{main|God/Jesus}}

Our Creator and our Lord and Savior. They appear in a vision to let Ivy know that she and Chris were meant to be. However, since Ivy dies in the next episode, it's hard not to imagine they were trolling the two in the process.

===Florance Fisher===
[[Image:SchuFlorence.jpg|100px|thumb|Florance Fisher]]

One of the few [[Niggos|black]] characters in ''Sonichu'' that isn't evil, although she is extremely peripheral. She is rejected by Reginald Sneasel, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles ''South Park'''s art style, and was probably traced.

===Rita Jackaras===

Sarah's sister. She replaces Sarah after offhandedly revealing she died somehow during the students' lunch break, then begins handing out test scores. Judging by her [[Speech impediment|odd speech patterns]], she may be [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]].

===Other students===

Comprised of:
*Amy Testa
*Clem Jennings
*Geraldine
*Fred Shiflet
*Emily Ryan
*Unnamed computer-lab attendant
*Clyde Raymond Cwash- Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at [[Clyde Cash]], even though in real life<ref>Or at least in what Chris [[Chris and reality|believes is real life]]</ref> he not only succeeded in two tasks Chris has so far failed - [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo|getting married and having a child]] - but also achieved those goals using [[Chris and sex#Rape|extremely Chris-like methods]].

===Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels===
{{main|Scoundrals As Vessels}}

Evil PVCC Decepticons, they're mass produced and act as heavy-duty attackers. Repaint of Swindle from ''Transformers Animated''

===Samurai Pizza Bots===
{{main|Samurai Pizza Bots}}

CWCVille's main machine protectors and obvious Autobot rejects. This team is comprised of:
*[[Prower]] - Punchy's motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from ''Transformers Animated''
*[[Son-Chu]] - a depiction of Chris's real-life car with a "SONICHU" vanity plate
*[[Bumble-Lumba]] - recolor of Bumblebee from ''Transformers Animated''. Also a pizza delivery car.
*[[Excelina]] - recolor of R.C. from ''Revenge of the Fallen''.
*[[Armoraxe]] - recolor of Sound Wave from ''Transformers Animated''. Even has a guitar as a weapon.

===Blazebob Sonichu and Chloe Rosechu===
{{main|Blazebob Sonichu|Chloe Rosechu}}

Both were created by [[PandaHalo]].<ref>From the CWCipedia "Sonichu" page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" ''"Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."''</ref> They are saved by Panda before her gruesome death and start bawling at her death before a firefighter tells them to move their asses.

===IBAChandler===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The ''Sonichu'' variation of Liquid Chris. This ground-type Sonichu is easily curb-stomped by Sonichu before he can really get the chance to attack. It's said that Liquid's medallion was made out of paper.

===Cerah, Christine, and Robbie===
{{main|Sonichu and Rosechu's Children}}

The demonic spawn of Sonichu and Rosechu. Robbie is known for his screechy voice and [[speech impediment]], Christine is known for being [[Chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] and "shiny" (read: not really Sonichu's), and Cerah is known for absolutely nothing at all. All are equally abominable in the eyes of the Lord. These three simply show up at the end of the comic with only one extremely minor mention prior to then, and their births have never been shown. It is extremely likely that these three were created in response to trolls pointing out that Sonichu and Rosechu were having premarital underage sex. They feature all too heavily subsequent to their sudden introduction.

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==

===Bugs Bunny===
[[Image:Bugsbunny.jpg|thumb|Bugs, enjoying what appears to be a joint.]]

A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, '''Bugs Bunny''' appeared briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to scold [[Jimmy Hill]] for his [[Parody|infringement]] upon [[Sonichu]]'s [[Chris and Copyright|copyright]]. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.

===Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez===
[[Image:geraldandlouie.JPG|thumb|Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend Sonichu.]]

Two of [[CWCville]]'s policemen (true blue, not [[Jerkops]]) who show up in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]]. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of [[Sonichu]].

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He takes a [[Pedofork|particular interest]] in Sonichu's son [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie]].

Louis is the [[Niggos|black officer]] - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in [[Mailbag_50#And_in_closing...|Mailbag 50]]. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "[[duck|little Lou]]"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in [[Virginia]], calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

===The Asperpedia Four===
[[Image:Maoalecevansean.jpg|thumb|The Asperpedia Four on trial. (clockwise from the top: Mao, Alec, Evan, Sean)]]

The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:

*[[Alec Benson Leary]] - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
*[[Evan]] - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
*[[Sean August Watley]] - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
*[[Asperpedia|Mao]] - Asperpedia admin. Is [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|broken]] and killed by Chris.

Chris would, in an attempt to appear like a less psychotic human being, make a new ending for Sonichu 10, wherein the four are condemned to live in a Amish community for the rest of their lives, which results in them becoming a bunch of [[slow-in-the-minds]] who spew [[random-access humor]].

===Sackboy===
{{main|Little Big Planet}}

The mascot and main character of the ''Little Big Planet'' game franchise. He appears in issue 10 to tell readers not to buy unauthorized copies of ''LBP'' for the [[Hex Box]].

===Jimmy Hill===
{{main|Jimmy Hill}}

Famed former soccer player turned commentator who was used as part of a trolling scheme against Chris. He is depicted in Issue 10 getting his teeth knocked out by Chris-Chan Sonichu's Hyper Beam before being scolded by Bugs Bunny.

===Clyde Cash===
{{main|Clyde Cash}}

Infamous troll who helped inspire many others. In actuality, Clyde's first appearance was in ''[[Sonichu Special 1]]'', capturing Ivy and trying to kill both Chris and Ivy when they escape. In issue 10, he's depicted as a panicking man as the 4-cent_garbage building began falling. Unwilling to let Chris kill him, he takes the hand of his lover, Jack Thaddeus, and leap to his death.

===Jack Thaddeus===
{{main|Jack Thaddeus}}

Person who owned the ads at the CWCkipedia and forced Chris to hump his [[PS3|Life Upgrade]]. He is depicted as another panicking man in the 4-cent_garbage building. He joins his lover, Clyde Cash, in leaping to their deaths, unwilling to let Chris have his victory.

===Meg Griffin===
{{main|Meg Griffin}}

Middle child of the fictional Griffin family, usually depicted as being ignored and ridiculed by her family and just about everyone else. In Issue 10, she was a disguise by Silvana, who appeared, told Chris how awesome he was, shared a kiss with him, then disappeared. Worst troll ever.

===Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu===
{{main|Asperchu}}

Star of Alec Benson Leary's comic of the same name. When Ultra Sonichu appears, he takes away his personality and Asperger's and transforms him into Mitch Sonichu (and Chris expected Alec to follow suit).

===Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)===
{{main|Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)}}

Formerly the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, Wild and Magi-Chan. Ultra Sonichu appears and removes their "Asperger's" (despite none of them actually having the condition) and gives them new identities of Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu.

===Metal Asperchu===

A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven [[Sonichu Balls|Chaos Pickles]]. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.

===Basement Rosechus===
{{main|Basement Rosechus}}

A group of Rosechus found in Alec's basement, malnourished and injured. Many had believed that Chris portrayed them as being raped by Alec, which Chris tried furiously to deny.

===Inos===
{{main|Inos}}

A homeless man discovered by Ultra Sonichu. To his horror, Inos is discovered with a five year cold and under the influence of weed. Ultra Sonichu steals his weed away then has the police slap his wrist.

===Simonchu===
{{main|Simonchu}}

The main hero of [[Evan]]'s Simonchu comics and Wild's lover in Asperchu. He attempts to kill his evil clone Simonla, but is stopped by Magi-Chan.

===Toilet Exploding Voltorb===
[[Image:Toiletexplodingvoltorb.png|thumb|Simonla's killer.]]

The Pokémon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.

===Sandy Rosechu===
{{main|Sandy Rosechu}}

The bastard child of Wild and Simonla. She is forced to be evolved by Wild and is trained by different Pokémon just so she can ''tear Evan's genitals out''.

===Judge Slack Lewis===

The judge presiding the case of the Asperpedia Four. He has an obvious bias towards Chris and allows everything that goes on. He may or may not be a rip-off of [[wikipedia:Lewis Black|Lewis Black]], a comedian who would likely rage at Chris and the comic.

===Marvey Blaziken===

A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a Bird. Serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of [[Chris and the Law|Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system]] as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's Mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===Kevin===
An unseen friend of [[Cerah Rosey]]. Since he's Jewish, Cerah bakes him as a gift a candle-shaped cookie for Hanukkah, due to the candle-related symbolism in this holiday's rituals. Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply asking if he's allergic, she just assumes it.<ref>''[[Sonichu 11]]'', p. [:image:SchuComic11P4.jpg|4].</ref> Because Jews are sickly Melvins with many allergies, you see.

=="[[Sonichu Special 2]]"==

===Ching Chong===
[[Image:SchuComicSP2P4.jpg|thumb|It is said that perfect wedding days can feel like sweet blissful happy blur for everybody. Ching Chong certainly feels that way, but not in the usual sense... ''she was told about "recycling".'']]

A small [[China|Chinese]] girl that Ivy tutored in [[Chris and art|art]]. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "[[Semen|Navy]]" while innocently browsing the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] website. Chris offered [[Chris and remorse|formal excuses]] to her in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log video]]. In the comic she appears as the flower girl.

===Other Characters===
*[[Keino]] - Ivy's dad
*[[Crass and Champ]] - Ivy's hermit crabs which are ring bearers

*'''Canino Houndhowl''' - receptionist for wedding, a creation of [[Megan]] that Chris ripped off
*[[Metal Gear Solid|Gecko and Mantis]], a pair of Raptor Chefs.
*'''Lilith''' - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
*'''Rachel''' - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
*CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
*[[My Little Pony]]
*'''[[MEOW|Spas]]''' - a feline pianist
{{clear}}

==[[Sonichu Special 4]]==
===CChanSonichuCWC===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The real Christian Weston Chandler. Here, he is displayed as a knife-wielding madman who wants to cut up Kacey for... no real reason. Ian responds by disarming him then blowing out his shins.

===Kacey===
{{main|Kacey}}
Girlfriend of the real Chris and damsel in distress in the comic.

===Megatron===
{{main|Megatron}}
Seeing as the comic already depicted Optimus Prime mowing down evil, it's only natural that his eternal nemesis and leader of the Decepticons Megatron strike fear into the hearts of those who do good. He aids Ian by shooting an unarmed Chris in the legs.

===Kacey's Family===
All are thankful to [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs. Her family is comprised of:
**[[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
**Kacey's mother
**Kacey's brother
**Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "[[CChanSonichuCWC#Irony|geeky twerp]]"

==Sonichu characters not seen in the comics but otherwise mentioned by Chris==
Being an avant-garde writer with little regards to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of those characters include:

*A [[Pokémon#Pokémon not appearing within the comics|plethora of various Pokémon]].
*A bunch of merpeople populating the lost city of Atlantis. Virtually nothing is known about them other than that they are friends of [[Bubbles]].<ref name="Bub cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu Bubbles Rosechu]</ref>
*Terrah LeAnne Yowman, her sweetheart Tippanston Gowen, and the various unnamed students mentioned in [[The High School Story]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens#The_High_School_Story The High School Story] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref>
*A Pokémon Professor named [[Cole]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia. He examined Sonichu and Rosechu after they transformed into their currents forms, and was also responsible for teleporting Rosechu to Kel when the latter was engaging in gym battles.<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*Grace Rosewell, the Reverend at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo attend her service every Sunday.<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>
*Fritz Richmond, a pastor at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Helped raise Angelica.<ref name="ang cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu Angelica Rosechu]</ref>
*An ex-student of Shinabe who kills his master in revenge for an unknown slight. Punchy kills in return with a punch and buries him behind Shinabe's Dojo.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />
*Three unnamed protectors of Parodyse Island - According to [[Megagi]]'s [[Animal Crossing]] card, she and three other unnamed individuals are the protectors of Parodyse Island.<ref>[[:File:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg]]</ref> Nothing further is known about them.

==Notes==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Lists]] [[Category:Characters]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-05-23T15:56:25Z

CaptainOHH: /* Earning Potential */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}

[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what this person suffering from hereditary defects costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[vidya]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than $3 left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the 5th trial in [[June 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===
Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP]], [[Nintendo DS]], [[Wii]], and [[PlayStation 3]]) come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American companies like GM stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like a Honda doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of the HEXBox.

===Earning Potential===
On the advice of his dead father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that a SSDI beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was 18, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], faux-[[china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|PS3 accessories covered in]] [[Lego]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in a real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous junk rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Matt what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===
Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his 80s, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-05-23T15:55:58Z

CaptainOHH: /* Earning Potential */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}

[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what this person suffering from hereditary defects costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[vidya]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than $3 left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the 5th trial in [[June 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===
Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP]], [[Nintendo DS]], [[Wii]], and [[PlayStation 3]]) come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American companies like GM stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like a Honda doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of the HEXBox.

===Earning Potential===
On the advice of his dead father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that a SSDI beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was 18, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[bras]], faux-[[china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|PS3 accessories covered in]] [[Lego]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in a real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous junk rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Matt what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===
Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his 80s, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2015-05-23T15:53:27Z

CaptainOHH:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as much as possible, the need for its own existence.|[[Wikipedia:Ronald Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who is likely turning in his grave right now.}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink]]. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}

[[Image:CWC eugenics.png|thumb|300px|$2000+ a day is what this person suffering from hereditary defects costs the [[United States of America|People's Community]] during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too.]]
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support [[Slow-in-the-minds|disabled individuals]] whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, with [[Chris and his Ego|his massive sense of entitlement]], chooses not to work and mooches off his mother instead, blowing his tugboat on [[vidya]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

In 2010, Chris received $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[McDonald's|junk food]], or [[sex toys|other frivolous purchases]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) was (and is) nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had fewer than $3 left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

After [[Bob|his father]]'s death in September 2011, Chris's tugboat increased, and as of 2014, Chris was receiving approximately $1300 a month in welfare money.

As a result of [[26 December 2014]], it is very possible that if Chris is ruled guilty during the 5th trial in [[June 2015]], he will lose his tugboat privileges.

===Chris's Economic Logic===
Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of it on video games. The problem is his game systems ([[PSP]], [[Nintendo DS]], [[Wii]], and [[PlayStation 3]]) come from Japanese companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[HEXBox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American companies like GM stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like a Honda doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of the HEXBox.

===Earning Potential===
On the advice of his dead father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that a SSDI beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was 18, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[bras]], faux-[[china]], [[My Little Pony|children's]] [[Transformers|toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|PS3 accessories covered in]] [[Lego]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous junk rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Matt what he thought he wanted to hear.

===Total Cost to Taxpayers===
Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his 80s, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

Since Bob's death, it's not known how much of Chris's tugboat goes to his mother to spend on <s>boxes of useless clutter</s> necessary items, but given that they asked for cash donations in Bob's obituary, she probably has to take most of it.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

{{quotebox|
[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
}}

{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Chris and sex

2015-05-23T14:02:17Z

CaptainOHH: /* Chris and gender */

{{Honest}}
[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumbnail|Pictures tell a million words...and in this case, a ''bit too'' many.]]
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''') as well as '''gender''', mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, a sheltered upbringing, and the warped worldview he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex and gender==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his sex dolls [[Kimmi]] and [[Officer Nasty]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===Chris and gender===
Similar to [[Chris and religion|the topic of faith]], Chris's actual beliefs on gender are more complex than his stated beliefs. Over his life, he has developed a burning hatred of males [[JERKS#The list of males Chris doesn't hate|in general]], not unlike [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Aeverine_Nieves another autistic on ED] noted for his/her similarities to Chris. This likely spirals back to his bullying by other boys at school, not to mention the fact that Chris is known to fly into fits of [[Chris and his ego|jealous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] whenever he sees [[Liquid Chris|a man more successful than him]], especially if [[Clyde Cash|that]] [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|man]] [[Wes Iseli|is getting some]] and he isn't. Inversely, whenever trolls invented a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] for him, Chris would make [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|childish YouTube videos]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|wherein he would gloat]] to their supposed exes. Chris's infantile, jealousy-driven hatred of his own gender has even led him to label [[JERKS|all men]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|"barbarian[s]"]]. This bizarre view may also have contributed to his [[Tomgirl|decision to cross-dress]].

Inversely, Chris repeatedly asserts his reverence of women, and seems to have a comparatively glowing opinion of them, stating that he finds women "empathetic". But, as stated at the beginning of the section, the truth is more complicated. While Chris has always preferred female friends, and is known to be far more accommodating of lesbians than gay men, even going so far as to [[Chris and reality|identify as one himself]], in truth, Chris has a distinctly sexist view of [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. By all accounts, Chris seems to place all women into one of two categories - organic [[Officer Nasty|sex]] [[Kimmi|toys]] who exist to submit to his every desire, or [[Barb|mother]] [[Gal-pals|figures]] who exist to dote on him, keep his child-like, responsibility-free lifestyle sustainable, and nurse his wounded [[ego]] whenever the need arises.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. This seems to be hyperbole, but considering Chris' abysmal knowledge of the sciences, it is difficult to be sure.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical straight and non-straight behavior, too, insisting he is straight even as he acts like a stereotypical mincing, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] transsexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks "gay" is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

As of 2015, Chris has stated his preference for female pronouns, going so far as to dub himself "Christine Weston Chandler" on his Facebook. As of 11 February, 2015, Chris has started signing the medallions he sells on eBay with this name. From this it can be inferred that the he was using the tomgirl label as a stepping stone into full blown transsexualism. Whether or not Chris is legitimately transsexual remains to be seen. As it is unlikely he will ever willingly see a therapist regarding his gender issues (or [[Chris and psychology|any]] [[Chris and anger|other]] [[Chris and health|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|his]] [[Chris and reality|issues]] for that matter), we may never have a definitive answer.

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approve of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seems to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before his alleged 'losing of virginity' incident.]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature, or a combination thereof.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is something all men need to experience in order to become complete adults.

As the act of sexual intercourse and relationships in general are fairly social activities, it's quite possible that Chris views the act of losing his virginity as something of a rite of passage--something he needs to do in order to validate his own sexuality and prove to the world that he's a capable "adult". Chris also fails to realize that relationships are give and take. Every sweetheart that Chris has had, which eventually turned out to be a troll involved long, received relentless emails and calls in which Chris prattled on and on about how much he "loved" them and how he was looking forward to finally having sex. After supposedly losing his virginity, it's unknown if he still craves sexual intercourse as much as he did before. One thing is still certain, however, is that he still fervently desires the attention of a sweetheart.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

However, considering Chris's incessant shoehorning of entirely unnecessary sex into the comics, and the ludicrous efforts he goes to to get some [[China]], he does seem to possess sexual desire - though not necessarily for women, as these things could simply be part of his efforts to disprove his much-feared [[homosexuality]].

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, [[Patti-chan|Patti]]!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female (because he's not a homo) dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form, so technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not vice versa.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still [[Mass debating|debated]].<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spent some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris' leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible, <ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true. <ref> [[http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls make him rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty ''fucked up'' that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also does not have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and anyway, aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favourite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing ''(in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it)'', potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

==Sexting==

[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Wallflower E-mails 3

2015-05-22T16:32:35Z

CaptainOHH: /* E-mails */

The third collection of '''[[Wallflower]] e-mails''' covers the final stage of the relationship between [[the Wallflower]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. These e-mails chronicle events taking place from 10 [[March 2010]] to 20 March 2010.

Unlike the more jovial tone of [[Wallflower E-mails 2|the last set of e-mails]], the letters here go into a downward spiral. In an almost perfect re-creation of the end of the [[Megan Saga]], the Wallflower is shocked and appalled at the original [[CWCki]] page put up about her and quickly blames Chris, ending their friendship. Chris, wounded and butt-hurt, quickly blames [[trolls]], his [[fans]], and even ''[[Sonichu]]'' for what happened and tries to repair his relationship. However, the Wallflower won't hear any of it — she completely reasserts her a[[sex]]uality (inspiring Chris's "Got-Dang Asexual Woman" line from the later [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] he wrote about her) and tries to tell Chris that, yes, she ''was'' seeing [[Surfshack Tito]].

At the end, the Wallflower gets off one final shot at Chris.

==E-mails==

;March 10

{{quoteboxred|Chris, 
You need to find someway to delete all of that information about me on your site. And I'm hurt that you didn't ask permission either. I didn't appreciate that. There's only one place that has my real info and that's [[facebook]]. And for the last time I am not your [[sweetheart]]! I never agreed to be your girlfriend or anyone elses. 
Facebook is the only place that knows my real name. and all the other websites I go by <CENSORED>. If someone comes after me, it'll be your fault. 
Delete all of that right now. And just for this, we're no longer friends. I'm sorry, but you did this, and it was wrong. 
Email me once you've deleted that info, and I'm going to check it. I'm also going to have to change my email thanks to you.}}

;March 10

{{quotebox|Listen, the "CWCIPEDIA" is my ONE website; not the "CWCki", that belongs to someone else; I will get in touch with the webmaster who created it and try to get it off of there.

I Only referenced you by your Pen Name Once on the Foretaste level I uploaded; NO OTHER TIME, and I have Never referred us as Sweethearts or anything beyond [[Just Friends]]. [[ToJackie|I swear this with hand on my Bible]].

I understand I screwed up royally. I also did my best to prevent this by not even stating an inkling of your real name. [[Ego|Why did I have to become such a god damned internet celebrity?]] I shared my Sonichu stories and art, and for a few years now, I have been Bullied, Tortured, Hacked, and such cruel emotional torment from like thousands to millions of cruel people who took [[Chris E-Mails|my words]] and [[Nudes|photos]] and warped them around to their own damned mockery. Even [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|crap]] they took from me from deceptive methods; pretending to be old friends and "trusting" people [[online]]. I had learned long ago to be very careful about most people online and such.

Because of these trolls, I have lost a few friends. They made a page of my old gal pal, [[Megan Schroeder]], on their [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] "Chris_chan" page, I also made the worst mistake of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|an adult drawing]] between me and her which was the apex there. She and her family moved to another state, and I lost touch with her long ago. Such a damned mistake I swore never to repeat ever again.

Not only friends, but because of their influence towards the [[Michael Snyder|manager]], plus an impulse of [[anger]] because he would not let me hook up my [[Wii]] to his HD [[TV]], I was [[banned]] from the [[Game & Hobby Place]] June, [[2008]], and with that I was forced away from the [[Pok'emon]] [[TCG]] League which I enjoyed going to every Friday.

And as that webmaster states in some [[Honest Content|exaggeration]] (some on that damned ED page as well), they tell of the other women I've met online who I lost because of those trolls and my mistakes, as well as the "women" who were trolls themselves. [[Sarah Jackson]], [[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]] and [[Ivy O'Niel]]; they were [[honest]] women, but they all died between a [[car]] accident, the Janurary, [[2009]] Australia Brushfires, and suicide. And [[Kacey]] fell for and married [[Liquid|a "Christian Weston Chandler" of Philladelphia]] who PRETENDED TO BE ME in identity theft on YouTube with a Paper [[Medallion]] and a Brown Striped [[Shirt]].

Damn it, they even listed three of my High School [[gal pals]], based from the [[slideshow]] from a copy of the "CWC On TV" [[DVD]] a troll who pretended to be my Primary/Elementary School crush in her adult years.

I should have never put Sonichu on the internet...How was I to know that it would bring me [[Stress|grief]] less than a decade later.

I have been in a number of moments of finding peace and losing it later, because these damn trolls won't leave me be. They're mostly immature dumbasses who have no lives of their own. They don't want me to have a life of my own; they don't want me to find long-term peace and happiness for myself. They don't want me to find and hold True Love for myself. Because they are so [[Christian Love Day|self-absorbed]] in themselves that they only want me to give them more stories and art more often; they are nothing but greedy, impatient, unloved and corrupted fools.

Heartbreaks and Heartaches... it really hurts...

<CENSORED>, Please, Please, Please do not leave me as my companion. You are the sunlight that lifted me up more than I've been lifted from in the past. I would feel like hardly a shell of my better self; I would be left in a deep in the darkness state of loneliness and despair. Even worse...I'd probably hire a [[Hooker incident|prostitute]] out of desperation...that is a fate I do not want to ever feel.

Please don't leave me, <CENSORED>. As a friend, and from my heart, I Love You.

Christian.}}

;March 10

{{quoteboxred|Look, I never agreed we were together in a relationship in the first place. I told you I wasn't into having boyfriends. My writing is more important to me right now. I am no one's sweetheart. 
And besides, how the hell did they find out all of my usernames that actually linked back to me? I don't remember putting my whole name in those websites. And another thing, ask me if you can put my Penname onto your website. I don't want anyone stealing it. You know how I feel about my gilrl, <CENSORED>. 
I don't love you and I hate you for this. Everything was fine until I met you. I don't know why I took up mom's offer to go the social club. I had enough friends here at home and on the [[internet]].}}

;March 13

{{quotebox|I pray you are feeling better from the recent chaos; I still have lingering heartaches from the "I hate you" and such from that message.

I know it's not much, but apparently your e-mail account remained safe. I am looking into it further, but I do know it was this Tito dude/troll who found you out, and likely was the one who started that page on the CWCki (it's [[wikipedia]] style; anyone can create a page on that damn website). Tito was the one who sent me the e-mail that early morning. I found it after hand-writing and enveloping the letter you may have received Saturday, or will receive in a day or two; that letter was before that matter. And Tito was also the same dude who left you a review leading you to that CWCki page on your <CENSORED> page; he has admitted it in an e-mail he sent me recently. I will be forwarding the two mentioned messages to you shortly.

If you ever come into contact with Tito, or meet him in real life, Do Not Trust Him. I still care for you and your safety and [[China|health]]. Please let me know over the phone or e-mail when you've recovered and we can [[The MovingFoward videos|move forward]] from this. I do not want to lose our friendship between you and me. (and "Hate" is such a strong word)

Stay Safe. Love and Peace, 
Christian.}}

;March 13

{{quoteboxred|Okay, now I'm getting pissed off. First off, stop sending this, I don't want to be reminded of it, second, I told you I'm not your friend anymore, and thirdly, I have a boyfriend now, so back off and leave me alone.}}

;March 14

{| class="{{{2}}}" style="border:1px dotted #4682B4; padding:5px; background-color:#66CD00; margin-bottom:8px" |
| From: Tito Surfshack <surfshacktito@yahoo.com> 
To: chrischansonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, Mar 14, 2010 2:14 am 
Subject: I'VE THOUGHT I EXPLAINED IT LITTLE CUZ (YES)

Ok, man, I'll man up. Yeah, I made it, so what? I was jealous of your beautiful Stephen King lady. But now she hates you and I'm getting with her. Aww yeah. What're you going to do about it little cuz?

And it's not just <CENSORED>. I mean, you drove <CENSORED> away by giving me her name, she's a lost cause, brudda. But what about the other girls? Any girl you'll ever try for thinks you're a loser. You're just some guy who lives with his parents. You used to be the famous creator of sonichu who did all those cool [[videos]] and [[comics]], but now you're just some lazy fatass.

Your fans have left you. It's almost too late to get them back. <CENSORED>'s mine. But this is bigger than <CENSORED>, this is every girl you'll ever see.

Think you can turn your public image around? HA, I'd like to see you try.

AS THE ANCIENT HAWAIIANS USED TO SAY:

"When your itching for the waves, The only lotion, is the ocean."
|}

;March 14

{{quotebox|1=Don't you GET IT, TITO, the guy you're seeing now, CREATED THAT PAGE on the CWCki, AND he had the balls to let you know in a "Review".

I have been heartaching over this the past days, and I've had [[Biological clock|sleepless nights]] over it. For the love of [[God and Jesus]], don't leave me, Please!

Also, I was going to surprise you on St. Patrick's Day, but I feel it appropriate for the sake of protecting you, that I [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|put on my Kilt in your honor]] against this Hawaiian Troll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taiBe4ct_So}}

;March 14

{{quoteboxred|How the fuck would you know? I haven't said any names. Anyway, its none of your business, and he's not Hawaiian either. Do me a huge favor, and stay away from me. And stop calling my phone. I don't care. Leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!}}

;March 15

{{quoteboxred|You son of a bitch! Leave me and Tito alone! I don't want you to ever to call my cell or house phone again! I want you out of my fucking life and leave me the hell alone! Or I'm going to have to unfortunately drag my parents into this, and you don't want that.

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU AGAIN, EVER! AND TAKE MY EMAIL OFF YOUR GODDAMN WEBSITE!!!}}

;March 16

{{quotebox|I fully understand that I probably should not be talking to you now, but you have to understand; you mean a LOT to me. My heart has been hurting since Last Wednesday, and my smiles are rare now. I constantly think of you, and I am very concerned with you going out with this Tito. I HAVE told you that HE IS A TROLL. I forwarded you his confession message. He ONLY WANTS YOU out of JEALOUSY OF ME AND MY LIFE. He does NOT care for you at all; he considers you a "[[PS3#Trophies|Trophy]] Girlfriend", and he will never see you as anything other than that. I have been seeing you as a human woman with a charming, sweet personality, untainted by any muscle-headed individuals who only care about themselves. Please, at least, look at him, and ask yourself, "Does Tito REALLY, TRULY care about me as a person, or am I just an Object to him?"

Also, I will be sending you an invitation soon for the party.

Also, please extend my friendly regards to your mom, dad and Maggie and Rachel.

Does Tito really care about you?

Stay Safe, Sweetie. 
Christian.}}

;March 16

{{quoteboxred|As if I care what you think. I'm only telling you that [[So Need a Cute Girl|I have a boyfriend]] to get you off my back. By the way. you owe mom an apology for waking her up at 7:30 in the morning!!! Thinking it was me and not her. That was very rude of you. Don't call my house again. It also upsetted my dad. And, I know how desperate you are (which makes me sick) to get into contact with me. But I ask you not to call my work and ask for me. I've already asked one of the ladies up front not to accept any calls from you asking for me. I'm not getting my job jepordize because of you. 
And, you can't tell me who to date either. [[Women's rights|That's my choice and mine alone]]. You have no business in my personal life. And you don't mean anything to me. Stay away from me. This better be the last email. 
I don't know how clear I have to get through to your head, to once again, leave me alone, PLEASE!!!}}

;March 16

{{quotebox|I have never called your house. I have never called you at your job. The only phone number I called you at was your cell phone, and the last time I called your cell was about last Sunday. I swear on my Bible I have never personally called your house or your job. [[Prank calls|Someone else is calling y'all]], pretending to be me.}}

;March 16

{{quoteboxred|Fine (not like I belive you), but just please leave me alone from now on. I don't want to talk to you again. Do you hear me?}}

;March 20

{{quotebox|Due to an unexpected trip, the party is being postponed to the following Saturday from stated on the invitation.

Stay Safe, 
Christian.}}

;March 20

{{quoteboxred|LMAO, Sorry, I won't be able to make it. Besides, I wouldn't go, if you were going to be there. And I'm not going to the thing next week. Because I don't want to do deal with you. BTW. that letter, don't do that again, ever. I wasn't even impressed with your little gift. I threw it away. Not only that, I was pissed when you said that we had been going out for a month and a half. First of all, I never agreed anything of the sort, second, I would never date you. You're not my type. 
Also, if you want me to 'stay safe', then you would leave me alone, from phone, email, and mail. I don't want to hear from you ever again, do you hear me? 
And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic [sic] [[virgin]]? I'd rather have my best friend's boyfriend take me first (because I trust him). then you. Besides, I'm asexual, so there's no hope for you, at least from me. Not only that, not even a cheap whore would want your small [[dick]] inside her, neither would I.}}

{{emails}}
[[Category: Wallflower E-mails]]

Sweetheart

2015-05-22T14:59:38Z

CaptainOHH: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (side-quest complete), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material. In short, Chris's chances of attracting a sweetheart are slim to none.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Chandler Cats

2015-05-20T13:59:51Z

CaptainOHH: /* Skittles */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least five '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Lucy is the only one of the cats confirmed to still be alive as of [[2015]]. The status of the others is currently unknown, although at least one of them perished in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] that destroyed the Chandler home in 2014.

==Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

Desi is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''', or '''Scampers''', is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that she was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scampers was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Very little info about her exists, except that, like Desi, she was not house-trained and shit everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scampers was still living at 14 Branchland Court at on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> She showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

{{-}}

===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]].

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of 2013 thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Nothing is known of Skittles, but given its the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], s/he was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

{{-}}

===Kitty===

[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5, the final cat (or at least the last cat of whom there are photos) of the CWC feline family. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really gave a shit about, evidenced by the fact that it was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kittty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court at on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

Either Scamper or Kitty was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014 and buried in the backyard. By this time, according to Chris, he owned only two cats, which indicates that the cat not killed in the fire was already MIA. Details are uncertain. She was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by late 2014.

[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] also included a character named Kitty Rosechu, who was supposed to be Chris's take on the ''[[Asperchu]]'' version of [[Bubbles]].

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]]
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2015-05-19T20:02:27Z

CaptainOHH: /* Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22) */

[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

On 19 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first [[dating|date]] ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

==Summary==
*The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], run a mic check.
*Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
*Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
*Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt several times, and fails several times.
*Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
*Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
*Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
*Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
*Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
*Bob goes back to his health problems.
*Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
*Chris flirts.
*Chris fails at flirting.
*Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
*Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
*Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
*Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
*Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
*Emily flees.
*The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle]] Man arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]."
*Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
*Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily''' - Queen of [[trolls]], she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man''' – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris''' – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob''' – [[Robert Chandler]], the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack. Possible love interest to Emily, though he is apparently nothing more than a slave to Chris.

==Transcript==
=== Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13) ===
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a [[Butt garments|thong]]? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic [[China|vagina]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my [[Sex toys|vibrator]]."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are [[Obesity|Barb candidates]] ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no [[Barb]]; if there ''is'' Barb, I will [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit myself]].

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in [[Clyde]]'s playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']

'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [''inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response'']

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of [[Chick-fil-A]], so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a [[Pickle|penis]].

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like [[Wikipedia:Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|Hamster Girl]]… at [[Coffee Place|Starbucks]].

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' Shut up!

'''Emily:''' [''startled''] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [''inaudible''] jacket.

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [''jokingly''] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [''unintelligible''] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [''inaudibly interrupted''] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [''unintelligible''] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)===

[''Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.'']

===Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello. [pause] I've started [[Rosechu|shopping]] a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [''abruptly''] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' [[Autism|Cute hat!]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|University of West Virginia]]. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers [[Chris and English|never learn how to spell]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the [[Chris and camerawork|camera]].

'''Emily:''' [''disappointed''] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [''unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating''] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[''pause'']

===Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' [[Wikipedia:Transistor|transistors]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not [unintelligible] all the safe stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had [[Wikipedia:Vacuum tube|vacuum tubes]].

'''Bob:''' I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in [[Pre-1980#1947|1947]]– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then.

'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh-

'''Bob:''' I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved [[music]], and I was in [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|the band]] and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too.

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [''unintelligible''] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students.

'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and reality|Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.]]

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh... at that point in time…

'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, [[Wikipedia:General Electric|GE]] heard about it… and they came down to [''possibly town name''] in North Carolina.

'''Bob:''' And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [''unintelligible''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Intercontinental Ballistic Missile]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!"

'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [''unintelligible'']" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [''unintelligible''] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had a plant there.

'''Bob:''' And… their plant specialized in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''[[Autism|logically]]-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [''unintelligible''] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone lines, warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic.

'''Bob:''' You know, like [[Wikipedia:Logic gate|the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… which is called [''inaudible''] that stands for- it's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented [[2000|Y2K]] pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and [[My Coke Rewards|cans]], and whatever.

'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [''unintelligible''] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and [[Kimmi|stuff like that made out of plastic]]. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, [[Sex toys|Tupperware]].

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [''unintelligible''] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [''unintelligible''] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [''unintelligible''] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "[[cat]]" without a 'K' in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his accompliment- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]] outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these [[Autism|math people]]… I dunno.

===Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing [[money]].

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to [[PandaHalo|Australia]], and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to [[Anne Boleyn|England]]. ''Most'' people [''unintelligible''] to see 'em, but [''unintelligible''] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in [[Art|drawing]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At six, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on his computer: his [[Wikipedia:Commodore International|Commodore]] computer…

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [''reluctantly''] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "[[Sonichu Girls]]"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [''responding belatedly to Emily''] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [''unintelligible''] home. And one that's [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the [[Burger King]]… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about twenty years and raised [[Cole Smithey|her first son]]. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in [[Richmond]], and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as [[Wikipedia:The Brady Bunch|The Brady Bunch]]!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [''unintelligible'']. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [''dreamily/creepily''] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''[[Niggos|Satchmo']]'.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Louis Armstrong|Louis Armstrong]].

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill and Salvation Army]]…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [''feigning enthusiastic agreement''] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the [[1970s]], at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did [[Barbara|all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple [[Heart level|heart attacks]], and...

'''Emily:''' [''responding to Chris''] Yeah– [[Chris|for]] [[Burger King|a]] [[Barbara|reason]]!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|pacemaker]] now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a [[Wikipedia:Triple bypass|triple-bypass]] in [[1980]] when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in [[1992|'92]]… And I died a couple times that [''unintelligible''] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High]].

'''Emily:''' [''uninterested''] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother [[Biological clock|stay up all night]]… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[IRC|Internet chat]]! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [''suddenly concerned''] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''[[Heterochromia|green-blue]]''.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] might be blue...

===Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [''truly flustered''] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at [[Golden Corral]]. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth [[Cherokee]]!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't [[September 2011|my time]] yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm [[Obesity|a little hungry myself]]… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck impression]]''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, [[The Creepy Stare|we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "[[Niggos|Dark Temptation]]"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was [[Third date|hookin' up]], I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon|PGSM]]''… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [''in a strange, baby-like voice''] You actually get to see ''[http://sailormoon.wikia.com/wiki/Usagi_Tsukino Usagi]''… [''back to his normal voice''] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of ''Sailor Moon''. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [''unintelligible''] entire [[anime]] series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:List of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars episodes|''Sailor Stars'']].

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the [[Silvana Rosechu|transsexuals]]?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the [[Tomgirl pictures|transsexuals]] and… the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Starlights|Sailor Starlights]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, [[Pedofork|little kids]]?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [''pitiful''] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [''in a British accent''] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''pause, laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[pause]

'''Emily:''' An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s [[Julie|Jul]][[Kacey|ia]].

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[pause]

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|too expensive]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly [[Speech impediment|esstinct]], uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and WesterN SizzliN.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]]: the "Shoney Bear".

[pause]

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|''slobber'' all over myself]]… Especially in front of my, uh, "[[Gal-pal|lady friend]]", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' [[Duck|Do ya need a little bit more?]] [long pause] You can deal ''without''…

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, [[Obesity|I take his breadsticks]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for, um,[[Wikipedia:Circuit City|Circuit City]] for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [''unintelligible''] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [''Chris comes back''] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [''a Dave Matthews Band [[parody|tribute]]'']

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it'']

'''Bob:''' The [[Burger King]] is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [''unintelligible''] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokémon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokémon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [''unintelligible''] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Ching Chong|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh-uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chesterfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from [[Wikipedia:Seoul|Seoul]], Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [''delayed pause''] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|my Bible]] that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from [[High School]].

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a [[Honor roll|King England- It's a King England Bible]].

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [''still quiet, hard to hear''] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [''unintelligible''], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spicy food]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, [[Wikipedia:Kimchi|kimchi]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [''sounding it out''] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special fork.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''something more about jalapeños, followed by silence''] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs politely]

[silence]

===Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[''hard to hear''] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at [[McDonald's]]-

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''[[Wikipedia:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our [[:File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|school newspaper]] and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [''unintelligible''] and one of them's called World News. [''says call sign''], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how [[Molvania|the rest of the world]] looks at [[United States of America|the U.S.]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or [[Molvania|Russia]] or [[China]] or in [[Anime|Japan]]-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' W.V.

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [''unintelligible''] you got a kid that's [[Autism|all wired up]], [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:''' ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [''apparently they were talking about him'']

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [''chimes in to correct, [[Autism|sounds a bit upset]]''] He's talking about ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [''unintelligible stuttering''] killed [[Wikipedia:Bowser|King Koopa]]. I can't get off of ''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi's Island|Yoshi's Island]]''.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I'm not very good at those games either. [''more laughing'']

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [''not a mistake'']

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like [[Wikipedia:Marcie|Margie]], doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''[[Peanuts]]'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs again'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [''cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily''] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like [[Wikipedia:Sailor Mars|Sailor Mars]], [''lame voice''] Flame Sniper!

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Chibi-Usa]]. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''apparently doing a horrendous impression of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Jupiter|Sailor Jupiter]]''] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|I don't gobble my food]] [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs''] [''unintelligible''] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on [[Chris and fashion|my favorite]] shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female [[Sonichu]] fan...

'''Emily:''' [''interrupts with a laugh''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ... have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... [[Duck|it's not very big]]. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chest'field County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [''???'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs over Bob'']

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [''inaudible''] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at [[Christmas]] time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [''inaudible''] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many [[stress|problems]] here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our [[Ruckersville]] home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around... [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February [[1998|'98]] issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the [[Books-A-Million]] I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, [[Toys|Toys "R" Us]], then uh [''inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they [[Banned|kicked me out]], uh, last... June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|that one time]] you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- [[GameStop]] gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''[[RuleCWC|Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your [[Sonichu Girls]]?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -[[Tomgirl|gender]], wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [[JERKS|All the other guys]] are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]]?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but [[Pedofork|you do like Shirley Temple a lot]].

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[Wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [''inaudible'']. [[Kacey|Flakey blondes]].

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... [[Women's rights|that's so stereotypical]]...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Wikipedia:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton]] also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [''pause''] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Britney Spears]] is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth Taylor|Liz Taylor]] then.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm nineteen.

'''Chris:''' Nineteen.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|crazy bear]] might come along and call you "Christian."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs''] What?

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named [[Wikipedia:Emily Dickinson|Emily]].

'''Chris:''' [[Virgin with rage|Emily Dickinson]]?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|I just slipped]]- [[Semen|it just came up]]. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [''pause''] [''Chris talks over her'']

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to [[McIntire Park|the park]]?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [''clears throat'']

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be ['inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [''inaudible''] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] go home and watch some [[Bionic|basketball]].

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[''inaudible''] the [[Wikipedia:National Collegiate Athletic Association|NCAA]].

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at [[Manchester High School]]'s varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[''P.A. system faintly in background'']

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About five-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young [''unintelligible''] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet [[Julie|somebody]] and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [''inaudible''] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had [[Wikipedia:American Automobile Association|AAA]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mother [''inaudible''] cross the street [''inaudible''] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [''unintelligible''] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [''inaudible''] [[money]]...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] he left-you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had forty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [''inaudible''] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible''] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called [[Wikipedia:Breezewood, Pennsylvania|Breezewood]].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''inaudible''] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got [[Pedo-Glasses|better eyesight]] than he does.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and [[David Alan Chandler|glaucoma]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing [[ModNation Racers|racing]], and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the [[Sonichu Adventure|adventures]] and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, [[Christmas]] break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Fort [''???''] [''inaudible''] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to [[Clyde Cash|New Jersey]]...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done [[Barbara|dumb things]] too.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy [[Honor roll|town called Jersey,]] I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [''unintelligible''] [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

Bob babbles on about sending something.

'''Emily:''' Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [''impatiently''] [[Rosechu|Clothes stores]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB [[Toys]] here and I- that's where I did my- ten thous- dol... [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes |my thousand dollar shopping spree]] I won, uh... back in, uh... the... Sonic, the Adventures- around the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might have remembered me talking about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [[DVD|I've seen-I've seen it.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

''Chris nervously takes a few steps.''

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Chris:''' You're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just pleasant- it's like… a character from ''PGSM'' or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm an all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [shameless subject change] So what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before- they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next [''unintelligible''] business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [''bravely''] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] [[Megan|I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' [[Megan|But, you know, not- but you know I'm respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-]]

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from ''[[Anime|InuYasha]]'' that… [''chucklingly''] always tries to [[Homos|go for the bum]].

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Miroku|Miroku]].

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch ''InuYasha''? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''Emily awkwardly walks several steps.'']

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where I met [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. I later found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' On her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [''emphatically''] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not... haven't been in touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Ever since she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, uh, y'know... sometimes I dream I'm back- [''unintelligible''] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see [[Megan]] and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [''slightly sarcastically''] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But you know, it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at. The- the toy store was around here in this neck of the woods…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… [[Women's rights|it's that time of the month]]…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [''steering the beast''] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] pick you up right here? Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [''shocked''] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' You think…

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! [[Pickle|I love pickles]].

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [''turning to Emily''] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [''to Emily as they turn to leave together''] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [''he refers to the novel''], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [''answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind''] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs at Chris'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man'']

'''Emily:''' [''gloating''] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [''[[stress sigh]]s/grunts'']

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [''small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible''] …but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [''attempting to brush him off''] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''as they continue trying to walk away''] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [''to Pickle Man''] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [''suddenly concerned for Emily''] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [''dismissively''] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[''The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends...

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)===

[''There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.'']

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...[[Chris and fashion|very fashionable looking]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.'']

===A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [''inaudible''] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [''continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily'']

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''feigning cheerfulness''] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [''attempts to hug and kiss Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''tries to avoid Chris''] No…N-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Emily''] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

'''Emily:''' [''Overlaps with Chris''] N-no... no thank you! [''nervous laughter''] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [''gives up''] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[''Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.'']

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]!

[''There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.'']

'''Emily:''' ['laughing''] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [''inaudible''] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [''inaudible''] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughing, says something about Clyde Cash'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [''presumably walking to see Frosty''] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download/cp60dr0bpnwt6g6/Operation+Picklesuit+VIRGINia.wav Full audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

User:CaptainOHH

2015-05-18T15:21:34Z

CaptainOHH:

Hey guys! I'm [[User:JCJ555]], but my Internet was being autistic and now I can't log in to that one anymore, so I made a new account!

Anyway:

Chris is love, Chris is life. <3

Several months ago, I sent a Facebook message to Chris, asking him to explain the basic plot of Sonichu to me. Being the lazy guy he is, he told me to look it up on CWCipedia and here at the CWCki. Interesting...

I have sent Chris a few more messages since then, but he hasn't bothered to reply. Probably because I'm a [[JERKS|jerk.]]

I study Chris because I'm interested in the psychological aspects of his life, as in why he does what he does. It's a case study for every psychology textbook in existence, really.

User:CaptainOHH

2015-05-18T15:18:56Z

CaptainOHH:

Hey guys! I'm [[User:JCJ555]], but my Internet was being autistic and now I can't log in to that one anymore, so I made a new account!

Anyway:

Chris is love, Chris is life. <3

Some months ago, I sent a Facebook message to Chris, asking him to explain the basic plot of Sonichu to me. Being the lazy guy he is, he told me to look it up on CWCipedia and here at the CWCki. But I am one of the few users here who can say that he actually contacted Chris before.

I have sent Chris a few more messages since then, but he hasn't bothered to reply. Probably because I'm a [[JERKS|jerk.]]

I study Chris because I'm interested in the psychological aspects of his life, as in why he does what he does. It's a case study for every psychology textbook in existence, really.

User:CaptainOHH

2015-05-18T15:18:35Z

CaptainOHH:

Hey guys! I'm [[User:JCJ555]], but my Internet was being autistic and now I can't log in to that one anymore, so I made a new account!

Anyway:

Chris is love, Chris is life. <3

Some months ago, I sent a Facebook message to Chris, asking him to explain the basic plot of Sonichu to me. Being the lazy guy he is, he told me to look it up on CWCipedia and here at the CWCki. But I am one of the few users here who can say that he actually contacted Chris before.

I have sent Chris a few more messages since then, but he hasn't bothered to reply. Probably because I'm a [[jerk.]]

I study Chris because I'm interested in the psychological aspects of his life, as in why he does what he does. It's a case study for every psychology textbook in existence, really.

User:CaptainOHH

2015-05-18T15:17:13Z

CaptainOHH: Created page with "Hey guys! I'm User:JCJ555, but my Internet was being autistic and now I can't log in to that one anymore, so I made a new account!"

Hey guys! I'm [[User:JCJ555]], but my Internet was being autistic and now I can't log in to that one anymore, so I made a new account!

Weens

2015-05-17T16:35:44Z

CaptainOHH: /* Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Are you 6 years old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to a ween attempting to [[prank call]] him.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Logging|A-Logs]], '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a video or two will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}} {{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening consists of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]
* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calls to Chris's house and/or cellphone. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the vast majority of these dumbasses are both. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his unfunny "commentaries" that made people who make similar (and ''much'' better) videos do a collective facepalm, not to mention his excruciating attempt at stand-up comedy- based entirely on Chris, and in a place where most (If not all) of the attendants had never even heard of him.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pag]][[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|es]] with random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him, like [[Megan]], [[Cole]] and [[the Wallflower]], and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry, folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris that would make Vanilla Ice or Soulja Boy shake their heads. Double dumbass points for making excuses to keep it up, like saying it's a demo and/or claiming you had a sore throat that day, and triple dumbass points for attacking people in the comments section who ''dare'' give out negative opinions of it.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], like vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]
Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not use that effort to choose a better victim? As much as the [[CWCki]] examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris isn't even ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-Nazis]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Babysitter|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Chris and religion|religious zealots]], [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|zoophiles]], [[Computer|malware writers]], and other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get major laughs, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been extracted from years of trolling and information gathering, except perhaps the odd [[CWC-ism]] he occasionally makes up, and other shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, all that'll come out will be cobwebs and dust. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit yet.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. BlueSpike never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who discovered he was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to latch onto her so hard.

Ask any of the seasoned Chris trolls and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. For example; on the one hand, he completely shrugged off the theft and destruction of the original medallions, yet on the other hand he has [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit with the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log.

==={{CURRENTYEAR}}'s Chris is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, that Vanessa Hudgens wanted to date him, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else truly thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' Thus, if you attempt to rehash older trolling events, it's highly likely Chris will simply ignore it--in the words of the [[Chris and music|Bare]][[Nudes|naked]] [[China|Ladies]], ''[[wikipedia:It's All Been Done|it's all been done before]]''.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Most of Chris's content came from a time when he believed he had lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loved him. The constant stream of weenery over the years has made him think of himself as a victim who won't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he's wised up and become far more private, meaning barely any content for us.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content of his own accord, without any input from trolls or weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on [[Megan Schroeder|someone]] he hasn't spoken to for years, [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], and swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]]; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had simply toned down the vitriol, or at the very least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included self-written yiff fanfiction featuring a fox OC with an exceptionally-large [[duck|penis]], a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography he had stashed for [[mass debating]] purposes, and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around what the radio was playing at the time and attacking Chris- in a place where practically none of the attendees knew about or had even heard of him.

By the same token, obsessive, excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging at the camera.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of on the internet as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] [[mass debate]] for hours on end at age 13 and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] enjoys seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the current drought in content is because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would be having a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude right now, had Chris not given up on making frequent videos. A lot has happened over the past 4 years, although you wouldn't know it from his practically non-existent updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, threw away all of his [[eBay]] and commission money on [[Lego]] bricks, [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, began what will probably be a [[Sonic Boom Protests|long crusade against the accursed blue arms]], and been arrested again as a result of it. If Chris still had his old enthusiasm for 24/7 content creation, we'd be utterly spoiled.

Honestly, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unaware of or otherwise unfettered by the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" In other words, even without the involvement of active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[CWCki|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Weens

2015-05-17T16:34:11Z

CaptainOHH: /* Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Are you 6 years old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to a ween attempting to [[prank call]] him.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Logging|A-Logs]], '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a video or two will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}} {{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening consists of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]
* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calls to Chris's house and/or cellphone. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the vast majority of these dumbasses are both. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his unfunny "commentaries" that made people who make similar (and ''much'' better) videos do a collective facepalm, not to mention his excruciating attempt at stand-up comedy- based entirely on Chris, and in a place where most (If not all) of the attendants had never even heard of him.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pag]][[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|es]] with random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him, like [[Megan]], [[Cole]] and [[the Wallflower]], and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry, folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris that would make Vanilla Ice or Soulja Boy shake their heads. Double dumbass points for making excuses to keep it up, like saying it's a demo and/or claiming you had a sore throat that day, and triple dumbass points for attacking people in the comments section who ''dare'' give out negative opinions of it.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], like vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]
Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not use that effort to choose a better victim? As much as the [[CWCki]] examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris isn't even ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-Nazis]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Babysitter|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Chris and religion|religious zealots]], [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|zoophiles]], [[Computer|malware writers]], and other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get major laughs, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been extracted from years of trolling and information gathering, except perhaps the odd [[CWC-ism]] he occasionally makes up, and other shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, all that'll come out will be cobwebs and dust. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit yet.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. BlueSpike never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who discovered he was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to latch onto her so hard.

Ask any of the seasoned Chris trolls and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. For example; on the one hand, he completely shrugged off the theft and destruction of the original medallions, yet on the other hand he has [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit with the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log.

==={{CURRENTYEAR}}'s Chris is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, that Vanessa Hudgens wanted to date him, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else truly thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' Thus, if you attempt to rehash older trolling events, it's highly likely Chris will simply ignore it--in the words of the [[Chris and music|Bare]][[Nudes|naked]] [[China|Ladies]], ''[[wikipedia:It's All Been Done|it's all been done before]]''.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Most of Chris's content came from a time when he believed he had lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loved him. The constant stream of weenery over the years has made him think of himself as a victim who won't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he's wised up and become far more private, meaning barely any content for us.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content of his own accord, without any input from trolls or weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on [[Megan Schroeder|someone]] he hasn't spoken to for years, [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], and swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]]; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had simply toned down the vitriol, or at the very least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included self-written yiff fanfiction featuring a fox OC with an exceptionally-large [[duck|penis]], a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography he had stashed for [[mass debating]] purposes, and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around what the radio was playing at the time and attacking Chris- in a place where practically none of the attendees knew about or had even heard of him.

By the same token, obsessive, excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging at the camera.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of on the internet as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] [[mass debate]] for hours on end at age 13 and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] enjoys seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the current drought in content is because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would be having a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude right now, had Chris not given up on making frequent videos. A lot has happened over the past 4 years, although you wouldn't know it from his practically non-existent updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, threw away all of his [[eBay]] and commission money on [[Lego]] bricks, [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, began what will probably be a [[Sonic Boom Protests|long crusade against the accursed blue arms]], and been arrested again as a result of it. If Chris still had his old enthusiasm for 24/7 content creation, we'd be utterly spoiled.

Honesty, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unaware of or otherwise unfettered by the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" In other words, even without the involvement of active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[CWCki|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Catie Date Conversation Transcript

2015-05-16T16:32:01Z

CaptainOHH: /* Autism, LGBT, and God */

{{Incomplete}}

The '''Catie Date Conversation Transcript''' is a recording of the one and only date which Chris and [[Catherine]] went on. It took place at [[Charlottesville]] Applebee's on 31 [[August 2014]]. Catherine's cousin Al tagged along because he needed to chauffeur Catherine, as her car was in the shop. For nearly three hours, the trio engaged in a pleasant chat which covered topics such as Chris's Cub Scouts experiences, high school bullying, his legal issues, and [[Barb]]'s teeth. Since the topic of marriage had previously been raised as a hypothetical, Chris was questioned about how, in a practical sense, he intended to juggle wife, children, mother, hoard and vidya as an ordinary family guy.

After lunch the trio took a brief [[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court|tour of 14 Branchland Court]], and ended the afternoon with a [[Rental House Tour|visit to the rental house]].
[[File:Applebees.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The setting for the fateful rendezvous.]]
==Summary==
* Chris fails to notice Catherine waving at him when he enters the restaurant, and gets seated separately.
* Chris gives Catie the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" CD and some artwork.
* Chris tells [[Christopher's name change|the story of why he changed his name]].
* Chris says that he got his "kilt" at Goodwill.
* Chris explains his gender to Al, stating that he's only "three-quarters woman" because he still has a [[duck]].
* Chris tells Al that he is interested in an "open relationship" with Catherine, and that they've been contemplating marriage.
* Chris says he's trying to overcome his hostility to [[homos|homosexual men]] in order to feel comfortable as a new member of the LGBT community.
* Chris struggles to explain his religious beliefs, saying that everyone believes in the same god, and that God is "neutral."
* Chris states that his [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]] was caused by an extension cord looped over a door which had been abraded by the action of the door opening and closing.
* Chris also states that one of his two [[Chandler cats|cats]] died in the fire.
* Chris doesn't know if [[Bob Chandler|his father]] served in World War Two or the Korean War.
* Chris says that he was kicked out of the Cub Scouts for his failure to control his [[Chris and anger|anger]].
* He also discusses the early treatment he received for his [[autism]] while he was mute.
* Chris knows nothing about health insurance matters, or whether his wife would be covered by his plan.
* Chris demonstrates that he doesn't understand the basics of [[Spanish]] pronunciation.
* For Catherine's benefit, Chris plays up his British heritage, especially the links to royalty.
* Chris states that essentially the only time he has left his house during his entire life was [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|a weekend in 2004]].
* Chris explains how the [[trolls]] stopped him from drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]. Catherine and Al try to persuade him to start it up again, but he is clearly uninterested.
* Chris brags about reading an entire [[Wikipedia]] article.
* We discover that [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] is estranged from nearly her entire family.
* Chris still believes that [[Michael Snyder]] bribed the [[jerkops|police]] to have him and his mother arrested on [[28 October 2011]]. He believes he did nothing wrong, even though he has no idea what [[Rob Bell|his lawyer]]'s defense was.
* Chris is adamant that Catie move in with he and Barb after they get married. He thinks Barb can take care of any children. Her health is improving because ''he'' is happier.
* Chris voted for [[Barack Obama]] twice because he felt he could personally relate to him better than his opponents.
* He thinks the [[trolls|trolling]] started because they thought his [[Chris and art|artwork]] was "childish."
* Chris explains why he had to ride on the handicapped bus in [[Manchester High School|high school]].
* Chris believes he started playing video games on his father's Commodore 64 at six months of age.
* Chris also believes his high school [[gal-pals]] recently abandoned him because the trolls told them he was [[homos|gay]].
* Al tells Chris he'll have to shape up if he wants to marry Catie.

==Video==

==Transcript==

===It begins===

[Part 1 00:00]

'''Chris''': Catherine!

'''Catherine''': Hi! Hi sweetheart, we're sitting over here. [garbled]

'''Chris''': Oh, I'm sorry.

'''Catherine''': I’m sorry, we’re sitting back here. Sorry, I thought you saw me and ran off [garbled]. Why did you sit down over here?

'''Chris''': I’m sorry, well, um…

'''Catherine''': This is my cousin Al.

'''Al''': Yeah, Catie, uh, her car was in the garage so I gave her a ride, so, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Come sit down.

'''Chris''': You got here ear-, I thought you were going to get here, like, ten minutes…

'''Catherine''': We thought so too, but we ended up spending less time at the mechanic’s than we thought. We have to drop my car off, so he's my lift.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It’s nice to finally meet you.

'''Chris''': You’re here!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yup, I’m here.

'''Chris''': I’m so glad.

'''Catherine''': I’m glad to meet you as well. I like your earrings, they’re very pretty.

'''Chris''': Thank you. I like your earrings too.

'''Catherine''': Oh thank you. [garbled] How have you been?

'''Chris''': I’ve been doing very well, thank you.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, we got here a little earlier than I thought.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You’re acting [garbled]

'''Al''': Oh yeah, I’m fine. Yeah, I haven’t eaten anything all day, so I’m just, yeah.
[[File:Chris Chan CD discovery.png|thumb|right|The mix CD.]]
'''Catherine''': Sorry, we didn’t get you anything to drink, because we didn't know what you would be drinking.

'''Chris''': This is for you.

'''Catherine''': Is this what…? Oh my goodness, this is amazing. He, He’s made me a [[Three-Quarter Woman|mix CD]].

'''Chris''': Yeah, and there’s a story that goes with it, plus the printout about the details of your birthday. And the two drawings I drew for you so far.

'''Catherine''': That’s so amazing. Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before. I’ll put it in my purse, so it doesn’t get hurt on the table.

'''Chris''': Well I think this date’s going pretty good so far.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I should hope so.

'''Chris''': (to Al) Oh I’m sorry, what was your name again?

'''Al''': Oh, I’m Al.

'''Chris''': Al. It’s nice to meet you.

'''Al''': You can call me Big Al, but, yeah.

'''Chris''': OK. Well, I say for us you’re a lifesaver for bringing her here.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''' (to waitress): Yeah bring me a sweet tea, and do y’all have cream here?

Waitress: We have half and half, and one percent milk.

'''Chris''': Yeah, half and half. Yeah, and bring me some half and half cream please.

Waitress: With uh, I’m sorry, what did you want to drink?

'''Chris''': Just sweet tea.

'''Catherine''': Can we do two separate checks please?

[mumbling]

'''Chris''': Yeah OK, well that’s fine, I mean...

'''Catherine''': Sorry, we did, I thought we agreed…

'''Chris''': Yeah, we did agree, yeah.

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': I just…

'''Catherine''': I’m just making sure, I don't want to upset you.

'''Chris''': Yeah, no upset, no upset.

===Introductions===

'''Al''': So, Chris, is your name Christian or is it Christopher…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, my legal name now is Christian, but I was born Christopher. Yeah, I had, yeah, there’s a [[Christopher's name change|fun story behind that name change]]. There was a bear band over at, uh, Regency Square in [[Chesterfield County]]. Shopping center? Yeah, it was kind of about when I was ten or eleven. We went over there, my mom, my family and I did, and uh, the guy behind the bear was English, so when I told him my name was Christopher, his, he misunderstood and he called me Christian.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': Yes it did.

'''Al''': Cool. So that was it? You just changed your name all like that?

'''Chris''': Well, yeah but, yeah, but yeah, we changed my name and then had legally changed after we moved to [[Richmond]], for prob, for probably middle school and education and all that. Yeah.

'''Al''': So have you ever lived anywhere outside of [[Virginia]] then, or…?

'''Chris''': No. Uh, no I did uh, go to, my mom and I, we went to California one time to see my half-brother [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]. And actually, you know what, without the glasses, you look remarkably like him. He has videos on line.

'''Al''': Really?

'''Chris''': Yeah, he’s a movie critic. He has a website, ColeSmithey.com.

'''Al''': Cool.

'''Catherine''': I nearly brought it up, I'd kind of forgotten about it. [garbled]

'''Al''': OK. You seem like you have pretty important family. It’s something you should be proud of.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, [[Bob Chandler|my father]] was a retired engineer from General Electric. He designed the controls for quasi motor machines, steel mills and all that. So without him, you wouldn’t have these plastic glasses.

'''Catherine''': I think they’re glass.

'''Chris''': Oh. Well, I’m sorry…

'''Al''': Like Plexiglass, I don’t know, so…

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I’m not a glass expert.

'''Chris''': Well anyway, he helped in the progress of that. That’s pretty much all that matters there.

'''Al''': But you like, uh, of all the places you’ve been, you like Virginia the best then, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty much, uh, I mean, yeah, I like Virginia very well. It’s my home state and everything but I’m very much looking to travel with Catherine.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I thought it would be…Yeah, if I had the money I’d be, I’d be really excited to travel like that. If my gig at the library fell through, I’m back to uh, I’m back to square one again, I guess.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well, I’m sure, uh, you know, you hang out, stick with, stick with me, kid, we’ll get you a gig [pronounced “jig”] at a library yet.

'''Al''': Yep. So Chris, do you eat here a lot, or…?

'''Chris''': Um, not, [[List of restaurants|not very often, sometimes]].

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I mean, I’ve been to Applebee's before, but this is… I’ve been here ages ago with a friend of mine, that's how I knew it existed, that’s why I suggested it. I haven’t been here in a really long time.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Uh, I try to remember what it was I usually like to get, the one that comes with the spinach-mushroom cap.

[phone vibrates]

'''Al''': Eh. You know what, I’m on a diet, but I’m just thinking like, fuck it, you know, gonna eat what I want, so…

'''Catherine''': Mind your language.

'''Al''': Oh….

'''Chris''': It’s okay, it’s okay around me.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': We’re trying to get back down to uh, the original way, so…

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': “Trying” being the key word, I think.

'''Chris''': That’s reasonable.

'''Al''': I’m just pretty outspoken, Chris, I speak my mind, you know, so…

'''Chris''': That’s fine.

[The waitress comes. Phone vibrates again.]

'''Chris''': You have a straw for me there? Thank you. [To his date:] You know, lately when I’ve been drinking sweet tea from [[McDonald's|McDonald’s]], and gettin’ the half and half in there, I feel uh, my leg[?], uh, I feel the taste of it going down, you know, I think of, I wr, I sr, I think of you and...

'''Al''': If you want to order you can go ahead, I’m still looking for the moment, so...

'''Catherine''': Can I get the turkey bacon and avocado sandwich please?

Waitress: [?]
[[File:Classic Clubhouse Grille.jpg|thumb|right|The Clubhouse Grille. 1120 calories.]]
'''Catherine''': I feel weird ordering alone.

'''Chris''': That’s OK. Yeah I guess I’ll have the Clubhouse Grille.

'''Al''': You know what? Um…[Laughs] I think, um, do you have any appetizers or anything?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, look at the front of the menu, there’s appetizers. Oh, and anything with an apple beside it, that’s healthy good.

'''Al''': Let’s just get, let’s get the appetizer, uh, sampler. Sure.

'''Chris''': Sounds like a good idea.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': If you don’t know what you want, sampler’s always good.

'''Al''': Yup.

Waitress: And would you like your wings mild, barbeque, sweet and spicy, or hot?

'''Catherine''': [?]…so whatever you guys want is fine with me.

'''Al''': Um…What were the options again ma’am?

Waitress: Mild wings, barbequed, sweet and spicy, or hot.

'''Al''': Barbeque.

'''Catherine''': At least you get a little bit [?]

'''Al''': No, no, [mumbling between Al and Catherine]

'''Chris''': Anyway, yeah, my van’s good to go, so I can drive you anywhere as well.

'''Catherine''': Hopefully [?] because it was a long drive. [?] The check engine light came on; it could be anything.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it could be anything. I’ve had that happen before a number of times.

===Understanding the whole tomgirl thing===

'''Catherine''': I see you wore your, um, [[tomgirl]] best today.

'''Chris''': My best? Yes. Kilt.

'''Catherine''': Oh yeah. Yeah, you are wearing a kilt.

'''Chris''': Or at least kilt-patterned. It was the only thing I could find at the [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill]] there, that fit, that fit me. I think there was anudder one, but I think it was like, smaller.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. [garbled] limited sizes.

'''Al''': Chris, I’m not trying to be offensive or nothin’, but what’s, what’s this whole “tomgirl” thing? I just, I just don’t understand.

'''Chris''': Oh, it’s essentially where I’m uh, it’s like tomboy, where women are interested in boys’ things and high activity, I’m in, I’m into more feminine things.

'''Al''': So, you’re like a cross-dresser then, or…?

'''Chris''': Yes, I’m, yes, you can call me a tranny. I accepted that. [[Homos#Chris and transgender topics|Lesbian tomgirl transgender may-ul]]. So I’m three-quarters woman.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Chris''': The only difference is the, uh, is [[duck|the body]]. Heh. [Chuckles]

'''Al''': Yeah. You certainly have a unique fashion sense, I’ll say that. So.

'''Catherine''': It is fairly unique.

'''Chris''': Fairly unique, but I’m sure I could be shapened up a little more sophisticated or whatever.

'''Catherine''': There's always room for improvement for everybody, I think.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think so.

'''Al''': I dunno, I’m not in transsexual, tomgirl, tomboy, I just, yeah, I’m not into any of that, so I just didn’t know, so…

'''Chris''': That’s OK.

'''Al''': I’m just curious. So.

'''Chris''': I’m guessing you, you have your own girlfriend then, huh?

'''Catherine''': He's between girlfriends.

'''Al''': Yeah, at the moment, yeah, I’m between girlfriends.

'''Chris''': Well, don’t, if you don’t break one’s heart, uh, you gotta make sure you pick the one that makes you feel more happy.

'''Al''': I, I prefer not to get tied down. I just go from girl to girl really, so…

'''Chris''': Eh. Oh boy, regular heartbreaker here. Heh heh.

'''Al''': Yeah, well, what can I say.

'''Chris''': Regular heartbreaker on the road, driving the [[Wikipedia:The Dukes of Hazzard|General Lee]]. Huh huh.

'''Al''': Shit. No, I try not to be too mean about it, you know, I just…

'''Chris''': Well, that’s OK, we’re all reas-, we’re all reasonable adults.

'''Al''': I just prefer, I just prefer not to get tied down, you know? It’s like, hey, if I’m with a girl, you know, somebody cuter comes along, not serious, you know what I mean? So…

'''Chris''': OK. Well, as long as you make it clear that it’s not serious.

'''Al''': Yeah, I do. I do.

'''Chris''': OK, well that’s good.

'''Catherine''': I’d hate to be treated like that. [?]

'''Al''': Golden Rule, you know? Treat other people like you like to be treated. So.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that as well. I like to be…

'''Catherine''': It’s the Golden Rule, do unto others.

'''Chris''': [[Chris and hypocrisy|Do unto others as you would have done unto you]].

'''Catherine''': You know it!

'''Chris''': Yes I do.

===The relationship and its future===

'''Al''': So Catie, how did, how did you and Chris meet?

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s right, I haven’t told you yet. Um, we met on a dating site.

'''Chris''': [[OKCupid]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah, OKCupid, we met. Actually it was while I was overseas.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': While I was at [?].

'''Al''': So you move, so you get around a lot, so the online dating thing, it usually works for you as far as…

'''Catherine''': Yeah, well, it sort of did after, well, after I moved to [?] I didn’t know anybody.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So. Well I knew the roommates, but that doesn’t really count. So. It was just sort of [?] and then you got in touch with me again when I was overseas.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': You said you were scared of responding.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, because of the internet [[trolls]] and cyber-bullies. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with them. Eh, I don’t want to get into that too much right now.

'''Al''': Fair enough.

'''Chris''': You know, I responded to her, and she responded very kindly, and we kind of got to know each other. Hooked [pronounced hook-ed] up very well, hooked up emotionally and everything, right?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, for the last few weeks, and we’re finally getting to meet.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You seemed pretty excited about it; you said you were hopping all over your house.

'''Chris''': [Laughs] Not all over, but I did jump, I did jump up and down.

'''Catherine''': Yeah? Were you really excited about it?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': Were you really concerned I wouldn’t be here?

'''Chris''': Yes, I was concerned at points, but I try to keep pos-, I try to be optimistic. I mean this thing has been so real so far.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': [[Love Quest|It all comes to fruition]].

'''Catherine''': I’m real, so…

'''Chris''': And I’m real too.

'''Catherine''': So it all works out.

'''Chris''': Yes it does.

'''Al''': Yep. So what, what are your goals, plans, whatever? You guys gonna get married or what?

'''Chris''': Well, we might.

'''Catherine''': We might do one day. It’s going pretty well so far, so...

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think, I’m thinking we would probably be together more often, I hope.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I mean, you were talking about wanting to get married too, so…

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': You said you wanted to be in the next five years or so.

'''Chris''': Yeah, within the next five years. I mean, that, but that’s up to you, though, when you, when you feel ready to get married, I’ll be, I’ll be there by your side, at the chapel. Heh heh!

'''Catherine''': I should hope so.

'''Chris''': Me too.

'''Catherine''': Well you said, I want my marriage to be forever.

'''Chris''': Yes, me too, I want permanent thing as well. And you know I am, and I’m still full supportive of who you are as well. Remember?
[[File:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is interested in an open relationship.]]
'''Catherine''': Yeah, the um…

'''Chris''': Open relationship.

'''Al''': So you got open relationship?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, I, yeah, I fully support her, you know, you know, as a bi, I’m sure.

'''Al''': So, you’re OK with her being with other women?

'''Chris''': Yeah. If that… I have other ideas…

'''Al''': Does that include other men too?

'''Chris''': Um, well, optionally for her, uh, but, for me I would, I would definitely, I would, if I felt up to it it would be with anudder woman definitely. But, she’s expressed her interest in other women as well. I mean, I don’t want to go too much into that, it sounds a little bit embarrassing.

'''Al''': Chris, Chris, you love her, right?

'''Chris''': Yes I do, I care about her.

'''Al''': So, why would you be OK with her having sex with other men?

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Al''': I mean, that’s a fair question.

'''Chris''': It’s a fair question, yes. It’s more like, uh, if I can’t satisfy her, if she feels lack of satisfaction, I’m, I made it very clear for her that our relationship would be honest and loyal to each other, so, as long as she, as long as she lets me know that she f-, if she feels like she needs to see somebody else, then that’s fine. I’ll let her go and uh…

'''Al''': So sort of like an open marriage thing where each of you can see other people?

'''Chris''': Mm. Well, we’re not gonna marry other people…

'''Catherine''': Oh no…

'''Al''': So just like, see other people.

'''Chris''': Yeah, just like see other people. It’s like to take a break from each other as well. Because I’ve, I’ve learned a lot from a lot of [[Chris and television|television]] about how, where marriages end up bad, because one cheats on the other? Yeah, but this way it’s an open relationship, so we’re being honest with each other, and I just f-, I’ve come to terms with that being a part of a hap, of a, of a healthier relationship. I mean, you know, even modernly, sometimes the couples, the married couples will sleep in separate rooms if they felt need to.

'''Al''': Sleep in separate rooms? Like after a fight or something, maybe, or…?

[PART 2 00:15]

'''Chris''': Essentially-- if they get married and they decide, it’s like, they don’t, one doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping right next to the other, so they end up with separate rooms, but they still love each other and care f’ each other. In fact, it broadens the relationship better that way. It’s healthier. It gives, it gives them more room to breathe.

'''Al''': So that, have you had relationships like that then where you’ve been at a distance…

'''Chris''': Um, no I haven’t, well, I haven’t had too many relationships, really. Um. But yeah, there was uh, one where sh-, where one, where one, there was [[Megan|one girl]] who definitely, definitely wanted me to keep my distance from her. She thought I was getting too close to her. [sigh] And that’s where I learned how to restrain, to keep my hands to myself for a while. That…

'''Catherine''': I suppose you feel very strongly about [[Women's rights|respecting a woman’s boundaries]].

'''Chris''': Oh yes, I do. I mean, I was kind of, I was just so excited, mm, to see you and everything…I was just, I just jumped up and hugged you like I did there.

'''Catherine''': I tried, I tried to wave to you in the entrance so you saw me.

'''Chris''': Oh I’m sorry, I was, um, that’s part of my, where my eyes wander in other directions, that’s the [[autism]]. Autistic people typically tend to have trouble making eye contact. Eh, but for me, it’s kind of like, yeah, I have to, my eyes wander and then I have to regain my grounds in my head and, you know, just try to reestablish eye contact as quickly as possible.

===Autism, LGBT, and God===

'''Al''': Yeah. So you’re autistic then?

'''Chris''': High functioning autistic. Yeah.

'''Al''': So what’s, what’s that like, you have trouble making eye contact?

'''Chris''': Well that’s one thing. It’s also with uh, [[CWC-isms|communication skills]]. I did a whole [[LittleBigPlanet]] seven-part, well six-part plus bonus, [[Autism Tutorial|animation talk about autism]] and my perspective, so…

'''Al''': What? I don’t even know what that is.

'''Chris''': LittleBigPlanet, it’s a [[PlayStation 3]] game.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': And then there’s LittleBigPlanet 2 which that’s, where it gets, it gets more into you’re able to animate. Yeah, you create your own custom levels and, within them, in LittleBigPlanet 2 and so on, you get to create your own mini-movies.

'''Al''': So it’s like a video game then.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': OK. Cool.

'''Chris''': And then, and then you upload them to the, uh, internet, from the PlayStation Network you can also pretty much videotape record them.

'''Catherine''': Sorry, my hair is…

'''Al''': Oh yeah, no problem.

'''Chris''': That’s OK.

'''Catherine''': I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…

'''Chris''': I w-, I wanted to tell ya, I wanted to tell you this in person but, I really love your, I really like your red hair, the way it is.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Chris''': It makes, it makes me think of strawberry jam. [[Chris and sex|It makes me wanna jam.]]

'''Catherine''': I’ve never heard that one before. That’s an interesting descriptor. I’ve never actually considered that one before.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well you’re wearing a red shirt, so at least your shirt and hair match…

'''Chris''': Yeah, I like, I like wearing, [[Chris and fashion|I like wearing bold colors]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m trying to reestablish, being more comfortable being LGBT—Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans. And wh, their pride parades and everything.

'''Al''': You said now that you’re more comfortable, so is that like a recent thing with you?

'''Chris''': Yeah, it came, yeah, I pr-, yeah I became, I became more comfortable with it recently being part of it, and let my, and let myself become part of it and supporting the equal rights, equal rights. I signed up with the [[Wikipedia:Human Rights Campaign|Human Rights Campaign]], and bought a few things off their store.

'''Catherine''': You said, oh I didn’t know you actually bought something. I thought you were just thinking about it.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, pur-, yeah, purchased them, purchased them like, um, I think, sometime between last Thursday or Saturday. It takes about, it takes about up to ten days, uh…

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': I feel like I’ll get back to them maybe early next week.

'''Catherine''': Probably when I was traveling then.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': I picked a lovely, yeah, I picked out a lovely shirt for you too. I showed you a picture?

'''Catherine''': You did. I hope it fits.

'''Chris''': I hope it fits too, you know, it’s XL versus two X. That’s uh, one X. Heh. I saw the number and, I saw the two X and I thought and remembering it later one X. It turns out that’s XL. I hope it does fit.

'''Catherine''': It probably will.

'''Al''': So you said the LBGT, what is it, LGBT?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, LGBT.

'''Al''': LGB, whatever.

'''Catherine''': Lesbian, gay, trans…

'''Al''': Lesbian, gay, trans, yeah OK. So you said that’s just something you’ve became comfortable with? So was…?

'''Chris''': Become, become comfortable being part of. Yeah, I had, I pretty much had my mental backdrops with uh, the [[homos|homosexual males]], especially. Especially since the majority of the trolls and cyber-bullies were homosexual men.

'''Al''': So basically these gay guys were all bullying you, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, a lot of them were bullying me, pestering me, sending me these [[Masturbating and squirtin'|lewd…images]], imagery, and...

'''Catherine''': [?] getting a lot of that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I mean you mentioned it, but you didn’t really talk with me about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I haven’t really gone to, into depth about all of that, but…

'''Catherine''': I figured there was somebody in Ohio talking about, the other day.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, that was like, uh, essentially somebody in, that’s the [[Chris and religion|higher force]] about, uh, yeah everybody, everybody has names for god, Emanuel, Buddah, whatever. But essentially it’s the one same elemental force, probably that guy up in the stars that Matt Groening best describes as that star cluster in [[Futurama]] that Bender talks to.

'''Al''': What guy?

'''Chris''': Heh. Yeah. “Are you God?” “Possibly. I go by many names.”

'''Al''': So you’re saying something about Ohio? God lives in Ohio then?

'''Chris''': No no no, higher force.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': He's above us, is like in the stars, so that’s why, that’s pretty much what I consider we call “neutrally” as. Like, like, like yeah, I guess it’s the one, you know, I guess God would definitely be more neutral and more accepting since everybody knows that word.

'''Al''': Well.

'''Chris''': I even made like a bit about that when I got, when I’m watching this, I let all the uh, bullies and trolls at one point. I talked about the higher force and messing with our heads and, I did bring up that he is, that that is God essentially, I would think. I mean, I, I mean, somebody who looks like, I mean, people portray God as like being human, pretty much. But then, there’s that joke in that episode of [[South Park]], the Millennium episode where the man looked like this cluster of animals. He had a [[HippoOnYourHead|hippopotamus head]]! But yeah I…

'''Al''': You watch South Park?

'''Catherine''': I don't watch South Park. You watch a lot of television, though, don’t you?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [[Chris and television|“TV! We talk TV! Do you talk some TV?”]] Heh heh.

'''Catherine''': I don’t know what that’s from.

'''Chris''': Oh that’s from the [[Transformers]] movie. The original animated.

'''Catherine''': I haven’t seen it.

'''Al''': You sound like you’re a big film and cinema and TV fan.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah. My fam, my family raised me on [[Chris and music|music]] and [[Mary Poppins|musicals]] and television and whatnot, so, and then pretty much, uh, I was inside a lot and by myself, uh, I really wasn’t as sociable as I’ve grown up to be much more better at.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, so I pretty much had time for watching movies and television.

===The house fire===

'''Catherine''': Oh, I did mean to ask, how is your uh, I remember you were having some trouble with your landlord in the [[Rental House|rental house]].

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, my, Debbie our uh, Debbie our uh…

'''Catherine''': How’d that go for you? Did you manage to get all that figured out?

'''Chris''': Claims, yeah our claims agent made the call. Yeah we got our lease extended until the end of November.

'''Catherine''': Oh you got that in stone now then?

'''Chris''': Yes, we’re good.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that’s good.

'''Chris''': And also they’re gonna start working on the renovation of [[14 Branchland Court|our house]], uh…

'''Al''': Are you guys like remodeling then or something?

'''Chris''': Oh no, we had a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]] last January.

'''Al''': That sucks, man, hey, I’m sorry to hear, dude.

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Al''': That sucks.

'''Chris''': Thank you, Al.

'''Al''': No problem, man. But what, what happened with the fire?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, we…

[the food arrives]

'''Al''': Oh boy! [laughs]

'''Chris''': Wow, now that’s a sampler!

'''Al''': That’s what I call a sam--, you want anything, Chris, or…?

'''Chris''': Well, we’ll see how I feel after I have my sandwich.

'''Catherine''': Thank you very much.

'''Al''': Yeah, no problem. Wow.

Waitress: Do you guys need anything else right now?

'''Chris''': I think we’ll be OK.

'''Catherine''': Alright, thank you very much.

'''Chris''': You want ketchup for your fries?

'''Catherine''': Um, yes please, I’ll start in on them a bit later. I’ll be alright.

'''Chris''': I’ll just put it back here then. Uh, so anyway, the house fire, it was electrical. We had just, I had just plugged in a coffee brewer, Kruger, Keurig brand? Yeah. Yeah anyway, the extension, there was one plugged in extension cord that was going into the bathroom, the [paper?] was outside on the top of the, top of the dresser in the hallway. Pretty much the way the situation was, was it was in there, the door to the bathroom was j-, was kept open? So I, and uh, cord was shorter than I thought and I ended up having to loop it over the door, and that part just where, it’s hard to get up to where finally get there, it starts, and that’s pretty much how the fire started on the top.

'''Catherine''': I don't think you ever told me why you have a coffee maker in the bathroom.

'''Chris''': Oh, yeah, No, no, it’s not in the bathroom, it’s out-, it was outside the bathroom.

'''Catherine''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Anyway, that’s how the fire started, and we all got out safe.

'''Catherine''': I don't know why you'd have that plugged in there. That seems like a really odd place for a coffee maker.

'''Al''': Yeah I always put the coffee maker in the kitchen or something.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Well, we do have a coffee, we do have another coffee maker now and that’s in the kitchen. And I can brew tea in it as well.

'''Catherine''': I mean [?] aren’t designed to do that.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Well anyway, we all got out safe ‘cept for one of our two [[Chandler Cats|cats]], which that was a shame. We buried that cat in the backyard, uh, after the cleaners found it.

'''Al''': So you’re cat died then? Or one of them?

'''Chris''': Yeah, one cat. We have another, we have, the other cat was safe. She got out safe. Both of our dogs. We have beagles. Purebred beagles. Their names are [[Clover and Snoopy|Snoopy and Clover]]. Yeah, you know…

'''Catherine''': Did you adopt them from the shelter?

'''Chris''': Oh no, we went way out of our way to another part of Virginia to pretty much go to this puppy farm. Yeah. [baby voice] There were like three little beagles and they were all so cute!

'''Catherine''': A puppy farm’s not good then.

'''Chris''': Uh well…

'''Catherine''': Don’t they just like breed them in boxes?

'''Chris''': Um, no, they were, they were let out a lot of… Yeah, they had them out-, they had the three remaining puppies outside in a small wire gate. They were just [] little puppies, but I’m sure, I’m sure it’s [?]

'''Catherine''': I always heard that puppy farms were a bad thing, [?] all the time and [?] I’ve heard, it’s possible that I’m wrong, but I’ve heard that …

'''Al''': You went to a puppy farm? Where it’s just that grow puppies to sell them or something?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, like that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about it.

'''Chris''': Yeah well OK well, I know a little, a little about puppy farms, especially also this place, that’s where Snoopy came from, the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm. Uh, not our Snoopy, Peanuts’ Snoopy.

'''Catherine''': My parents, they got a dog called Snoopy.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and then, I’ll tell you a story behind Clover. There was, in generation two, of [[My Little Pony]], of My Little Pony Tales, there was a pony named Clover. I pretty much liked her among the main cast during that, during that season. I felt like I could relate to her, so… plus also…

[clapping in the background]

'''Chris''': Yeah, somebody’s having a birthday.

'''Al''': Yeah, I’d say that.

[birthday noise continues]

'''Al''': So Chris, you’re saying that your house fire got started by some appliance, that Keurig…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, the Keurig coffee brewer was plugged into the extension cord plugged into the bathroom wall, and the fire happened at the arch where it was over the door frame, over the door.

'''Al''': Oh, I was gonna say, if it was the, the coffee maker, I would have sued the hell out of them, those bastards.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but, yeah but we thought for, for a while that’s what we’d sue the coffee brewer, but the… Unfortunately, it turned out to be the extension cord after the fire inspector confirmed that.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': My uncle, my uncle [[Minor Family Members|Tom Ashby]], who married my, uh, aunt who was actually, uh, my blood aunt, uh, so you know, uncle, in-law, sort of, but anyway, Tom Ashby is a retired fire inspector. And they live over in Chesterfield County now. They recently moved out of the house, moved into like a condominium.

'''Catherine''': But why was it plugged in there? Your coffee maker was plugged into the extension cord, it's an electrical thing [?]

'''Chris''': Uh, we didn’t have one that was closer.

'''Catherine''': Closer?

'''Al''': Well maybe how…

'''Catherine''': [?] house?

'''Al''': When was your house built? Do you know?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] It was built before I was born, so, before my parents got married, so before 1980.

'''Al''': So I’m saying a lot of those older houses, there’s not enough exten-, like, outlets, so they gotta run extension cords to get to places. Was that it, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, pretty much. Of course also, the nearest plug socket that we had was behind a really big, where the coffee maker was, the closest one there was behind a really big dresser. And the house was cluttered, it had lots of stuff. [[Bob Chandler|My father]], as old as he was, he died September of 2011, two midnights and a quarter hour later, after he turned 84.

'''Al''': Uh huh.

'''Chris''': He had heart problems.

'''Al''': That must have sucked.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And we still had all these narrow hallways, everything was cluttered. And [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]] made uh, has impulsive issues, goes to Goodwill sometimes and didn’t [?] much either, but you know, that is like, God is telling us, “Hey Barbara,” – that’s my mother’s name, Barbara—“Uh, hey Barbara, I’ll make it easier for ya. There you go –fire, get out of the house. You go save what you are able to and I’ll take care of…”

'''Al''': Wait, who said that?

'''Chris''': Uh, my mom, my mom came up with this, it’s like, God was telling her, “Hey Barbara, I’ll make it easy for ya.” Yeah, cause she was concerned about all the clutter as well and didn’t know where to put it.

'''Catherine''': Is that, is that how she’s coping?

'''Chris''': Uh, that’s one way she’s coping. She’s coping in a lot of ways in her head. She’s, I mean, she can tell you a lot, a lot of stories and interesting facts.

'''Al''': So your mother thinks that God was telling her to move out of the house? So he, God burnt it then? Is that what she believes, or…?

'''Chris''': That’s, that’s, that’s one idea she has. Another theory that my mother ha-, another belief my mother has about God is that uh, the energy inside us is God. So it’s like, you know, millions of gods around the world.

'''Al''': So you, you believe in some sort of higher being then. So your mother, so are you a pretty religious guy, or…?

'''Chris''': Well I, uh, I'm fairly religious. I just, uh, I just, I just take all the good about from, I learn at least a little bit about every aspect of religion.

[PART 3 00:30]

'''Chris''': And uh, just, and I took it, and then my father said, “Everyone believes in the same God.” So, I was thinking to live with that and I leave it with you know, the one higher force and just…

'''Catherine''': Your dad said that?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Everybody…

'''Catherine''': Other people believe in different gods.

'''Chris''': Yeah well it’s, yeah, but it’s essentially the one same god.

'''Al''': So you’re saying it’s like different versions of the same god, different incarnations of the same god?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty m-, yeah, let’s go with that, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Fair enough.

===Bob and Chris's early years===
[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|right|The Nazis advance on Seoul, 1942.]]
'''Al''': [[Bob Chandler|Your father]] sounds like a very worldly man. Did he travel a lot?

'''Chris''': Mm. [Chris is eating.] That’s a tasty sandwich. Yes he, he has travelled the world some. He was stationed in [[honor roll|Seoul, Korea during World War…Two]], in the Signal Corps.

'''Al''': World War Two?

'''Chris''': Well, civil, [stumbles and slurs]

'''Al''': The Korean War happened after World War Two.

'''Chris''': OK, maybe the Korean War, I don’t know. Anyway, he was, but anyway, he was stationed in Seoul, Korea.

'''Al''': And what did he do in the army?

'''Chris''': He was, he was in the Signal Corps. He uh, helped maintain the satellite feeds and uh, all the mechanics over there.

'''Al''': Like the communications and stuff like that.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': So how long was he in the army? When did he get out?

'''Chris''': Uh. [sigh] I’m not sure I remember. I have in a keepsake box he kept some of his, he kept his Boy Scout badges that he earned. I’m not sure from when he was, from when he was a boy, or… He was a Scout troop leader at one point in his life. His Scout, his Scout troop, his group, his Scout troop made a wallet for him. And he wanted to be sh-, he wanted to be, he wanted to be buried with that wallet but he wasn’t really buried. He’s in a mausoleum up on the uh, Monticello Memory Gardens, up on the hill on the way up to the Monticello.

'''Catherine''': Were you um, were you ever in the Boy Scouts? I know…

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, I was in the [[List of places that have banned Chris#The Cub Scouts|Wolf Cub Scouts]] uh, for a while in my life but they booted me out.

'''Catherine''': For what would they do that?

'''Chris''': I think it’s probably something from my autism, when I was being, I was being, like I was being, I was being [[Chris and anger|outbursting and loud for something]], or misbehave-, I don’t remember.

'''Catherine''': So they kicked you out because you’re autistic?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think so.

'''Catherine''': Did you, did you ever get in touch with them? That’s illegal.

'''Chris''': No, uh, I don’t even remember who the Scout troop leader was.

'''Catherine''': I don’t suppose that matters, does it. You can actually sue…

'''Chris''': Yeah, it was, yeah, it was like, I was like five, six, seven.

'''Catherine''': Five, six, so that would be twenty-five years ago?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I suppose the statutes have passed with that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': I'da said today that would be illegal. You could sue ‘em, get a lot of money.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well.

'''Catherine''': For that sort of thing.

'''Chris''': Well, I might, I don’t know, if I remember it.

'''Catherine''': Well I don’t, I don’t expect you can any more. The statute of limitations would be…

'''Chris''': Yeah, I, too much, too much time has gone by. I wouldn’t even worry about it.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s sad. Was your, was your dad upset?

'''Chris''': Um…

'''Catherine''': I expect if he was a scoutmaster, that he would've been…

'''Chris''': I think my, I think both my parents were upset. Uh, they were quite upset when the, uh, disputes with [[Greene County Conspiracy|Greene County]] with the uh, yeah, the way they received my reactions in the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|fourth grade]] I was in, pinned me down on the floor and they wanted to record my screams. That was abuse right there. But anyway…

'''Catherine''': What happened?

'''Chris''': Eh, Teachers and counselors, they pinned me down quote-unquote, they wanted to audio record my screaming.

'''Catherine''': For what??

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] I don’t know. That was, eh…

'''Catherine''': Where was that?

'''Chris''': That was [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]], in…

'''Catherine''': The fourth grade?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You would have been, you would have been nine?

'''Chris''': Yeah, uh, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t remember, it was so long ago.

'''Catherine''': What made that happen?

'''Chris''': Uh, I don’t remember. I think they, the t-, yeah, from what they, my parents told me they, the tea-, they did not understand children with autism, way back then either.

'''Al''': Well that was a long time ago.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but anyway, they wanted to put me in a mental institution but between court settlements my family decided to move, that’s why they moved to Chesterfield County in ’92.

'''Catherine''': To get away from that?

'''Chris''': Yeah, plus...

'''Catherine''': Did they have a good autism program?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and a better education, between [[Chris's education#Providence Middle School|Providence Middle]] and [[Manchester High]].

'''Catherine''': So did that have... I don't think I ever asked. Did they have like, um, special education or an autism program?

'''Chris''': Uh, I was pretty much mainstreamed.

'''Catherine''': So you didn’t have any extra…classes?

'''Chris''': No, actually, I have uh, no, not, no, no extra classes, uh, well, unless you want to count coping skills.

'''Catherine''': I suppose.

'''Chris''': That’s kind of a [[Chris and psychology|special ed class]].

'''Catherine''': I suppose that’s really…

'''Al''': So did you have any like special counselors or anybody who could help you in high school?

'''Chris''': Um…

'''Al''': Anyone special that you saw?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Catherine''': Anyone specialised with kids or any-

'''Chris''': They um, I believe they offered them to me, but I don’t think I ever really sought counseling like that, that much. I mean I probably did, but…

'''Catherine''': Well if it was available to you, it was your right to use it whenever you liked.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

===Metabolism and long distance relationships===

[waitress shows up]

'''Catherine''': Sorry didn’t mean to stop you.

'''Al''': Yeah no problem. The food is great.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Your sandwich good?

'''Chris''': Yes, the taste of it, of this so far... It is good.

'''Catherine''': Just nibbling.

'''Chris''': Yeah, me too. Just nibbling.

'''Catherine''': Are you nervous?

'''Chris''': Uh, a little bit. I, I g-, I’m a bit of a soda jerk, I drink a lot of soda throughout my life, so I got a shaky leg also.

'''Catherine''': Oh.

'''Chris''': That’s one thing my mother complains about, when it shakes the house also.

'''Catherine''': Your shaky leg shakes the whole house?

'''Chris''': Well, when I’m standing, uh, not as much when I’m sitting down.

'''Catherine''': Is that like your old house or your rental house?

'''Chris''': Uh, well, everywhere. It’s just whenever, I mean, I’m shaking right now here.

'''Al''': So it’s, you’re just like, your leg fidgets a little bit, shakes like that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': That’s actually, with people who fidget like that, they burn more calories. So that’s like, a forty percent less chance of them becoming obese as they get older.

'''Catherine''': Well I did not know that.

'''Chris''': Me neither.

'''Al''': This means you have a high metabolism. It’s good.

'''Chris''': That’s very good.

'''Al''': Yep.

'''Catherine''': Well now I feel weird because I don't [? - relating to not fidgeting]

'''Chris''': Mm. Well don’t worry about it.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Maybe live with me long enough, you’ll pick up on the habit. Huh! Just kidding.

'''Catherine''': I don’t know about living together.

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Catherine''': It’s like I said my dad’s very traditional.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well that’s another thing, another obstacle to relations, sometimes if you travel a lot, so there’s long distance so you can’t see each other, that’s the challenge, so.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that hurt. But I mean, I told you that I have long distance before and it did work.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It takes effort.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It takes a lot of effort.

'''Chris''': And I am willing to put in the effort.

'''Catherine''': Well I live at Culpeper, so it’s not that far away.

'''Chris''': It’s not that far away. Plus you can always move in, when me and my mom felt, when you felt comfortable, and then, yeah, we’ll find you a library here that’ll hire ya.

'''Al''': Yep.

'''Chris''': I mean, ‘cause up in Culpeper it’s just the one library.

===Health concerns===

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it is the one, that’s why I was so happy to get the internship, but then it didn’t pan out. So how is your [[eBay|art business]] going?

'''Chris''': Uh, fair. I’ve got, yeah, fair, I currently have, like, [[Chris and money|over $120 in my PayPal account]].

'''Catherine''': That’s good, you can work on your mother’s teeth that way.

'''Chris''': Well a little bit, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Well does she need them?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, she needs them. But it’s like, she needs six of them and it feels like I’ve got to raise the whole six hundred, so that would take a while.

'''Al''': So is your mom, she needs new teeth, you’re saying?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, she needs like, uh, she’s got cavities in six of her teeth.

'''Al''': How old is your mother?

'''Chris''': She’s 72. She was, yeah, she was born in 1941.

'''Al''': That’s not young. Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So is her health good then? Is she OK?

'''Chris''': Um, I’d say her health is fair. She uh, doesn’t get as much energy in a day, so she, as she used to, so she ends up, uhhh, resting, resting more often.

'''Al''': Yeah. But you’re saying it’s six new teeth would be what, six hundred bucks?

'''Chris''': Yeah well…

'''Al''': That’s cheap.

'''Chris''': Well, well actually it’s, actually it’s for, ehh, it’s, it’s a lot more than six hundred. It’s like, in order for me to be able to help with that I gotta give her a hundred dollars per tooth. And as she takes care of her, as then she, she is able to take care of the remainder after that.

'''Al''': Yeah. Dental, dental work is very expensive. My father has bad teeth actually, and he got a couple of those worked on a few years back, and it was like five thousand dollars for just two of his teeth.

'''Chris''': Yeesh.

'''Al''': Yeah. Do you guys have health insurance then, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I guess we do have health in-, I guess, yeah [[tugboat|we have insurance]]. I’ve just never really understood it.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Ah, so you do have health insurance. That’s good. What sort of insurance do you have? Like where do you get it from? Do you buy it yourself?

'''Chris''': Well, well I know we have, uh, Medicaid and uh, and the Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

'''Catherine''': Medicare?

'''Al''': So if you get, so if you marry Catie would she be on your insurance plan, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, my mother would be able to, be able to answer that question better.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Chris''': So I don’t know.

'''Catherine''': I guess you don’t…

'''Al''': So Chris…

'''Catherine''': I mean, I know, I know how that works for mine.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But if I married someone they’d go on mine, so…I guess that’s just something I feel I have to learn.

'''Chris''': Yeah. At least, at least it’s beneficial mutually. I mean, especially if we end up on our health insurance that way.

===Chris the artist===

'''Al''': Yep. So Chris, you’re basically like a freelance artist then?

'''Chris''': Mm. [he’s eating]

'''Catherine''': I never did ask, how long you’ve been doing that. Like, how long have you been making your living from that?

'''Al''': Is that something you decided to do after [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], or…?

'''Chris''': Mm. Yeah, essentially after college. I mean, yeah I did, uh, I originally did drawing the comic pages and whatnot for fun and then the [[trolls]] got to me and I just had writer’s block from really devastating emotions for years.

'''Al''': Comic pages? Are you like, you had a comic book or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you didn’t tell me very much about that.

'''Al''': What’s Ssssonichu?

'''Chris''': Electric hedgehog [[Pokemon]].

'''Al''': Oh, so it’s like a Pokemon thing.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And then he looks like, and then it looks like [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]. Uh, his girlfriend, [[Rosechu]], it’s like, looks a lot like Amy.

[the waitress shows up]

'''Catherine''': I think we’re doing good.

'''Al''': Oh, we’re doing great!

'''Chris''': Yeah, we’re doing good, thank you.

'''Al''': But yeah, yeah, so they’re like, Pokemon things, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah. I mean…

'''Catherine''': Don’t you need permission to distribute that?

'''Chris''': Uh, no, since they’re [[parody]], since they’re parody-like characters, it’s OK, I mean I have not gotten any complaints from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]] or anybody.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I suppose they can’t…As long as you’re careful they can’t give a cease and desist to everybody.

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, I mean I’ve been working on Sonichu since uh, [[2000]]. I’ve uploaded a few images onto my [[CWC's Pokésite 2|PokeSite]], and then I started working on my comic book, the first one, in [[2004]]. And then I made like, ten books total. Well ten and a half, I got part way through the eleventh one. That’s about when…

'''Catherine''': Would you ever pick it up again?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I probably would.

'''Catherine''': Because you mentioned wanting to draw, in the email you sent me about how coming across your evil twin or something.

'''Chris''': Sorry, coming across…?

'''Catherine''': Your evil twin.

'''Chris''': Oh. Um, well that was uh, that’s an idea I just had as a fresh idea.

'''Catherine''': Fresh idea?

'''Chris''': Yeah, well it’s essentially it’s where I meet up with, meet up with [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Reldnahc]]. That’s his name. It’s essentially “Chandler” spelled backwards.

'''Al''': And he’s like what, your evil twin or something, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Just essentially everything opposite me, because he would be totally [[homos|gay]].

'''Al''': So what you’re saying: He is opposite, so he would be gay, but aren’t you a [[tomgirl]] now? So wouldn’t he be a…tomboy or…? I don’t know… How would that--

'''Chris''': Yeah, I… [[Stress sigh|[stress sigh]]] I know it’s complicated when you think about it. But yeah. Essentially just consider this: I have, I feel like I have a woman’s, a female soul in me. And the female soul is lesbian. And since I’m a, since I’m a male physically…

'''Al''': OK, so basically you’re a lesbian trapped in the body of a man.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': OK. I can understand that. Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

===Chris fails at [[Spanish]]===

'''Al''': Hey Chris, you want any of this? I mean I’m not, I’m on a diet, but these barbeque wings are really good and then that’s a cheese stick, now that’s a quesaduhdah.

'''Chris''': Dilla. [pronounced “Deela.”]

'''Al''': Huh?

'''Chris''': Deela.

'''Catherine''': Dee-ah. OK.

'''Chris''': Quesadilla [Kay-sah-deela.]

'''Catherine''': Isn’t the double-l…?

'''Al''': Quesadilla [pronounced correctly].

'''Catherine''': The double-l, is that a y-sound?

'''Al''': Quesa-dillah, quesadeela, whatever.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s tomato, tomahto, potato, potahto. Let’s call the whole thing off!

===Chris's Heritage===

'''Al''': OK. Yeah but come on Chris, get... get, get some, get some grub, man. [trying to push food onto Chris]

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, I’ve got grub right here.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Chris''': I mean we’ve been talking.

'''Al''': Catie, you want anything?

'''Catherine''': I may actually pinch your cheese straw.

'''Al''': Cheese straw! [Chris laughs]

'''Catherine''': Stop it.

'''Al''': It’s a cheese stick!

'''Catherine''': Stop calling me foreigner. I don’t like that.

'''Al''': Friggin’ British people, Chris.

'''Catherine''': [mumbles] You call me all sorts of things.

'''Al''': (sneers) British.

'''Catherine''': You’re lucky I like you, alright!

'''Al''': That’s debatable, but we’ll stick with that for now.

'''Chris''': Mm. You’re fair that you’re one of the few [[JERKS|males]] that I’m, that I’m feeling comfortable around, especially with, especially with Catherine here.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well I…

'''Chris''': Yeah anyway, I take, I take a bit of offense to the British comment because [[Daniel Weston|I’m part-British]].

'''Catherine''': I think that you shouldn't pretend you've ever been to Britain.

'''Chris''': Yeah I haven’t been to Britain.

'''Catherine''': Because I’m not British at all.

Waitress: You want any dipping sauce for that?

'''Chris''': Yeah. You're not British. I’ll be good there.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Chris''': You’re just like a born-in-British kind of thing, or sort, something like that.

'''Al''': I apologize Chris, I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were British, I didn’t mean to offend you.

'''Chris''': Oh, well that’s OK, I mean.

'''Al''': I take it back.

[PART 4 00:45]
[[File:Mayflower.jpg|thumb|right|Autism comes to America.]]
'''Chris''': I’m a lot of mixed breeds, between my family, French, [[honor roll|English, British]], some, I think some Ir-, I think some Irish, maybe a little bit of Italian. I’m not one hundred percent. That's, that would, my mother knows better. And for, she’s, cause her family came along the, came along shortly after the Mayflower because [[Daniel Weston]] borrowed for, bartered for the Mayflower but that uh, didn’t get aboard at the time.

'''Al''': Cool.

'''Catherine''': Have you ever done research, like gone back and look at the passenger roster? That sort of thing is available to the public.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Catherine''': You go to em, libraries and online databases that will find. Because in the old days you would have to sign a, uh, a passenger list, ['''Chris''': “Yeah.”] if you were traveling, so you know, there’s all the names of all the people that have ever come over.

'''Chris''': The [bay?] that boarded the Mayflower.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, there’s a hundred and twenty-odd people that boarded the Mayflower.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but my mother, but my mother, she did the research between library books and she feels, she is very positive that Daniel was not aboard the Mayflower. Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Back to square one. You'll have to find it eventually.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Just like I’m still trying to find a link between Richard Will-, Richard, Richard Weston, which preceded Daniel Weston, first Earl of Portland, to [[Anne Boleyn|Mary Boleyn]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that would be um, related to the king.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Well, sister-in-law to the king. He did have an affair with Mary but it’s not... It’s all very convoluted.

'''Al''': Yeah. [to Catherine:] You gotta go to the bathroom, or…?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I need the ladies.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Catherine''': And can I, can I trust you here with my handbag? Can you just mind it for a few minutes

'''Al''': I won’t touch it, no problem.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I know you won't touch it. Oh never mind, I thought I had [?].

===Just the boys===

'''Al''': Oh, okay. [to Chris:] So how long have you and Catie been talking?

'''Chris''': Essentially last mid-July.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Or, yeah, I think it was last mid-July. We had been talking a few weeks on end of July to mid-August. I kept track of the first twenty days of communication between [[OKCupid]] initially, and then we tacked, and then we talked through Skype. Via instant messenger, plus the one time, uh, two times, we, she was able to borrow a microphone for her friend. I believe Sarah was her name?

'''Al''': Ah, I don’t know, I don’t keep track of her friends.

'''Chris''': Well at least I paid attention to the two names that were mentioned. I’m having a hard time remembering the bride’s, the bride’s name now. That’s the other name she mentioned, the bride. I think it started with a B or an I.

'''Al''': [completely bored] Yeah. Eh, you seem like a pretty cool guy. Yeah. I just, if you’re gonna marry Catie, I mean, you’re marrying into the whole family, so it’s just, I figured I’d get it out of the way and meet you now, so. Catie called me up and she needed a ride, so I figured hey, so I gave her a ride here.

'''Chris''': I appreciate that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And yes, you can rest assured my family is pretty much wholesome.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Chris''': I mean, my fa-, um, my father was 52 upon my conception. I’m living with two senior citizens, well, one and a ha-, one and then one later became a senior citizen, my mother.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': For all my life, so…

'''Al''': So you never, you never moved out of home then?

'''Chris''': Yeah never really, yeah never really moved out of home. Um, one weekend I went to an anime convention and stayed at the hotel by myself. That was kind of fun.

'''Al''': Really, when was that?

'''Chris''': Oh, that was a few years ago. Ah, [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]].

'''Al''': Anime Mid-Atlantic?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So anime is like the Pokey-mon… and the comic characters.

'''Chris''': Uh, [[anime]] is Japan animation.

'''Al''': Ah, cool.

'''Chris''': Anything that was originally from Japan of animation. And of course that includes Pokemon. Also includes shows like [[Dragon Ball Z]]. And uh, let me see if I can remember a few more…um, Sonic X, um…

'''Al''': But you went to the convention all by yourself?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Alright. So what’d you do there? Did you like, meet other people in anime, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I sort of, I mingled a little bit, um, but I mostly kept to myself, really. Because I wasn’t, cause I wasn’t really as extroverted as I am now.

'''Al''': Yeah.

===How the trolls defeated Sonichu===

'''Catherine''': [returning] What were you boys talking about?

'''Al''': So where was the, where was the convention that…?

'''Chris''': Uh, it was over in Kroger Hotel in [[Richmond|Midlothian]].

'''Al''': Oh, outside Richmond.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So you spent the whole weekend there yourself?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': That must have been pretty cool.

'''Chris''': Yeah. It was fun. [to Catherine:] I was, I was telling him about how I went to the anime convention.

'''Al''': Yeah, he was saying he went to some anime convention a couple years back outside Richmond. He said, um, I was, he was like, “Hey did you ever,” he was like, he never left his parents’ house, moved out from his parents’, so like, and then he mentioned a convention he went to, so, that seems like it’d be pretty cool.

'''Chris''': Yeah, finally I’m trying to remember the name of the bride of the wedding you went to.

'''Catherine''': Nanette.

'''Chris''': Nanette.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': OK. Yeah. I thought so at the time. I’m sorry, I started, thought it started with an I or a B. That’s N Nanette.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it’s kind of an old name from my family.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and then I remembered Sarah you borrowed the microphone from.

'''Al''': [to waitress:] Can I get a refill on the diet Mountain Dew?

'''Catherine''': [to waitress:] Um, can I get herbal tea as well please? Thank you.

'''Chris''': And I’ve been talking a lot! Huh huh! S’why I haven’t been eatin’.

'''Al''': Ah, no problem Chris.

'''Catherine''': That’s alright, we’re trying to learn about each other.

'''Al''': Yeah. The whole point of this is so that we get to know each other. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

'''Al''': But yeah, uh, what were you saying?

'''Chris''': I lost the train of my thought. I was talking about the anime convention.

'''Al''': Um, OK, so what have you been doing since, you’ve been doing artistry, artwork, stuff like that?

'''Chris''': Uh, well, I recently decided to do art [[commissions]] for money so I made listings on [[eBay]]. Plus also, free drawing of Sonichu and Rosechu artwork that prolly sell as well. I had, I mean, the fan club started as early as [[2004]]. And then the trolls, [Catherine says something] Yes, it was an online club thing, so errybody around the world can become a member of the fan club. And then the trolls joined the fan club and really knocked me for a loop. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t tell the difference between troll/bad person or fan/good person, and so I just opted, so I just opted out.

'''Al''': So basically like, you had this cool fan club and you had this comic book, and then there were a bunch of assholes that basically ran down the whole, basically were assholes.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they even hacked into my web, hacked into my web sites, and then put up all over the place the…lewd…male pictures.

'''Al''': Like what do you mean, lewd male pictures? Like, gay guys and stuff?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and uh, [[pickle|dick]] imagery as well.

'''Al''': Yeah, that…

'''Catherine''': Why would they do that?

'''Chris''': Well it was like he just said, they were assholes. And they uh, essentially for the sake of hatred as, that was anudder term I learned.

'''Al''': So they were gonna make fun of whatev…Sunny-chew? Sonichu, whatever.

'''Chris''': Sonichu.

'''Al''': Sonichu. Sonichu.

'''Chris''': And [[Christian Weston Chandler|the creator]]. They found, they considered me to be weak and I was, I was mentally more weak back then but I’ve gr-, I’ve grown more immune and tougher, so.

'''Catherine''': You're good at spotting them now.

'''Chris''': Well, more or less. I, uh, have uh, I’ve grown an immunity to their bad words now.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Sort of. It still hurts me a little bit. A little bit. But it’s like, I just brush it off.

'''Al''': Yeah. So where, where do these people come from? What are they like? All around the world?

'''Chris''': Yeah, but I think most of them are like, within the United States, like within California. And I…

'''Catherine''': Why California? How did you gain that information?

'''Al''': Yeah, why, why California?

'''Chris''': Well, they, they uh, have initiated, they have made it known to me at some points that some of them were from California. And then also there’s some over in uh, [sigh] I forget which part of Europe. Um, it’s like um, it’s something Great Britain? Uh, I think, uh, India as well, I’m not sure. Singapore…

'''Catherine''': How are you getting all that information?

'''Chris''': [sigh]

'''Al''': How’d you find out where they were at, yeah?

'''Chris''': Fan mail.

'''Catherine''': Fan mail?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So wait, they were sending you, they, they were sending you fan mail even though they didn’t like you?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah that was, they definitely did not like me. They sent me lewd drawings.

'''Al''': So it was like fake fan mail then.

'''Chris''': Yeah, some of it was fake, and…actually of a lo-, actually a lot more of it was positive mail, fan mail. I kept ‘em, I kept ‘em in binders. The fan mail.

'''Catherine''': Is it at your house?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I have most of ‘em. Yeah.

'''Al''': So are you still doing Sonichu then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Your comic book thing, your…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, more or less. I’m getting, trying to get back into the groove.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think you should do it, honestly. It seems like it makes you happy.

'''Chris''': Yeah it did make me happy, but then I lost, with the trolls coming I lost track of the storyline and what I wanted to do, and then I ended up, as I drew furder I end up falling into writer’s block. And that’s, oh, and anudder thing about autistic people—we’re kind of ritualistic as in, as in we tend to fall into habits of what we normally do.

'''Catherine''': If you got into the habit of drawing the comic you’d probably be able to…

'''Chris''': Yeah it’s like, it’s like, it’s like riding a bicycle. Um, uh, yeah, one time I was able to. It mostly depends on my mood and how I’m feeling. Yeah one time I did manage to get one book drawn in a month. But most of the time it took me more than a month.

'''Catherine''': Do you get distracted or something?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah kinda, and anudder thing about autistic people, the attention deficit disorder is part of it, as well.

'''Catherine''': I thought they were two different things.

'''Chris''': What’s that?

'''Catherine''': I thought they were two different things.

'''Chris''': Uh, well there’s a l- , there’s a lot of things linked to autism, yeah, OCD, ADD…

'''Al''': I suppose one person could have two different disorders at the same time.

'''Catherine''': I suppose.

'''Al''': Or conditions, whatever you call them.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Chris, there are a lot of artists out there in the world, and even some of the greatest artists out there who have published, have millions of fans—they still get criticism. Because with every, all art, there’s gonna be someone who doesn’t like it. And you know what, those artists, they can just ignore the criticism…

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': …and they keep on publishing. Because even if some people don’t like it, there are gonna be people that do like it.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I mean I w-, I would have appreciated your input dere, like, five years ago.

'''Catherine''': Well the best thing you can do is just get back on your horse.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': And show them that it’s not gonna bother you, that they can’t keep you down.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That would drive them crazy, and it would get you doing what you love.

'''Al''': Yeah, if there’s something that you can do, with these bullies or whatever can’t affect, and you keep doing it, that will drive them nuts, it will piss ‘em off.

'''Chris''': [meekly] Yeah. Well, I should, well, especially right now I feel like I’m getting the more positive help.

'''Al''': Well.

'''Chris''': Uh, inspiration.

'''Catherine''': Positive help is a good thing.

'''Chris''': Yeah. You’re my muse.

'''Catherine''': I’m your muse? I like that.

===Chris and learning===

'''Al''': You should draw her into the comic.

'''Chris''': Ugh.

'''Catherine''': That would be cool.

'''Al''': Make her like a super-hero or something like a jet backpack and like a Batman suit or something.

'''Chris''': Ugh.

'''Catherine''': I would love that.

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Al''': This is like anime and Pokemon, right, like Batman or Superman aren’t really anime.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': You could do a parody of Batman or Superman.

'''Chris''': You know there was actually a, there was a DC Universe/Spiderman cross-over, I learned. Where Spiderman wanted to learn, he wanted to learnt to, come into the Justice League, but Batman would not hear of it.

'''Catherine''': I’d love to be a comic character.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think that would be fun.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’ve always wanted to be like a cartoon character or something, like, I don’t know, I don’t know why. But I love cartoons, and I’d love to be a cartoon character.

'''Al''': I don’t really read…I’ve read some of the original Marv-, Marvel comics when I was a kid, you know like Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, stuff like that. So. Not so much anymore.

'''Chris''': I got into, I got into DC and Marvel original TV cartoon shows.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. So do you, I guess you don’t read a lot then, do you?

'''Chris''': Oh I do, [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|I do read]], I do read some like, I read that [[Wikipedia]] article, the whole thing: “History of Lesbianism in America.”

'''Al''': So you read Wikipedia a lot then?

'''Chris''': Uh, no, not, I haven’t read it often, but I mean, I felt in the mutual interest here. I felt compel-, I felt compelled to, and it definitely was very interesting. I shared what I learned from the page with everyone.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you did learn from it.

'''Al''': Yeah. So you basically, when you become interested in something, you look up information about it and learn about it?

'''Chris''': Mm.

'''Catherine''': Learn about as much as you can?

'''Al''': So, would you say most of what you’ve learned through your life comes from yourself, do you educate yourself? Or would you say it comes from school and college?

[something about the restaurant is bothering Chris]

'''Al''': Something spicy? You sound like you’re really hot. So…oh, the light.

'''Catherine''': Oh, the light.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I guess I’m far enough down that it doesn’t matter.

'''Chris''': Yeah. [stress sigh]

'''Al''': But now you were saying, like, do you learn more from studying things yourself or do you learn more from school?

'''Chris''': I think I think I have learned from studying things myself. And taking the good from life from the bad from what I learned everywhere, and errywhere else.

'''Al''': Taking from the bathroom? What?

'''Chris''': No, taking the good from the bad.

'''Al''': Oh, I thought you said bathroom. I just, I didn’t understand you there.

'''Chris''': [sigh] That’s the perception right, right there. Individual perceptions.

'''Al''': OK. But you said taking the good from the bad? What were you going to say?

'''Chris''': You take the good from the bad and then you put it in your own common sense and ideals, and then you figure out what’s best from all, from all perspectives there.

===The eBay business===

'''Al''': Yeah. So. So do you, you said you get paid for these comic [[commissions]], right?

'''Chris''': Well, there’s, I’m doing drawings…

'''Al''': Art commissions, whatever.

'''Chris''': Yeah. I’m doing it on [[eBay]]. I’m charging like, twenty bucks for an [[autographed photos|autographed photo]] cause I’m so famous. And I do fifty dollars for a commission I draw fully, like with a background and foreground characters and everything.

'''Al''': Sweet.

'''Chris''': But I don’t color it. And then for a hundred I will color it in. And then for two hundred, I’ll give a certificate of authenticity hand pers-, personally hand draw-, hand written, and then I laminate the piece and frame it.

'''Al''': So have you been getting a lot of business, then?

'''Chris''': Um, I’ve done a good amount, a fair amount of business. [Chris is still bothered by heat] I feel like I wanna say dang that lamp! Huh huh!

'''Al''': It’s pretty hot? But…

'''Catherine''': Let’s see about the air conditioner.

[PART 5 01:00]

RESERVED

===Barb and her family===

[PART 6 01:15]

'''Chris''': -pretty much close minded to her nowadays.

'''Al''': Are they assholes?

'''Chris''': Yeah, essentially, I would say, I would say that, yea. They uh, yea she grew up in Red Oak. She was born in Red Oak, Virginia and uh, within the Weston family there they spread rumors about her. Sort of things like, she’s a slut. That sort of thing.

'''Catherine''': What would make them say that?

'''Al''': Yeah, why would they… talking bad about someone in your own family, that’s just like harming yourself.

'''Catherine''': That’s just bullying.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I would say either their assholes or they’re just stressed with their own lives. If they would do it when they were younger I would definitely say “assholes”.

'''Al''': Was it just misconceptions or rumors?

'''Chris''': Yea, I would say definitely misconceptions and rumors. Uh, even, even [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] who was born of my mother there uh…

'''Al''': Oh yea Cole, that guy you mentioned earlier.

'''Chris''': Yeah… uh anyway, he’s got a chip on his shoulder against my mother as well because uh, of things that he’s been told about her from things, from the relatives, and his [[Bob Chandler|father in law]], even his birth father.

'''Al''': Wait. Cole, your mother is his mother too, right?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': That’s mother and son.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': And he doesn’t want to take care of her when she’s sick?

'''Chris''': Yea, he’s like, he just doesn’t wanna do a thing with her.

'''Catherine''': Wow.

'''Al''': What’s he been told? What are these people telling him?

'''Chris''': [sigh] Yeah, well my mother, she could tell it better than I could.

'''Catherine''': I mean, did he tell you at all? It seems like something brothers would talk about.

'''Chris''': Well, uh, well actually all of my half-siblings are all distant, cuz I was child when they were all adults.

'''Al''': There’s an age gap there.

'''Chris''': Big age gap.

'''Al''': So that makes it harder to communicate with them then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, even more difficult when they don’t even give you the information themselves and you have to try to look it up on the interne- through whatever and then you, then you send em a letter or email multiple times and then they don’t respond.

'''Al''': So wait, you didn’t even have their contact info, you had to look it up online?

'''Chris''': I had to look up Cole’s information online, uh, from my father, he had two children Allen and Carol. Allen is a, a alloth- an optomologlist [meaning ophthalmologist] in Chestfield County. [[Minor Family Members#David Chandler|David Allen Chandler]], doctor. Anyway he lives over in ??ville. My father knew that, he did. umm… as for [[Minor Family Members#Carol Chandler|Carol]], he, we have no idea where the Hell she is and Allen would be able to know where she is definitely and Allen still doesn’t want to do a thing with me or his mother in law here.

'''Al''': So, how long has it been since you’ve been in touch with him?

'''Chris''': Well, my, well, my father and I before he died uhh, earlier summer two thousand ‘leven, we tried to find him at his house, where he’s living at but they were out. They might have gone on vacation uhh we had an idea, we had an idea ?without any notice? but we had uuuh had like a couple of gifts for Allen and his family cuz he got married, has a daughter named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]].

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': Yeah, so anyway, uh so we left the presents with their next door neighbor.

'''Al''': So you drove to their house then or wherever they live?

'''Catherine''': Just drove there and they weren’t there?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': What did you get for them, what presents?

'''Chris''': My father had like this stained glass bird he wanted to give that too Sava- yea the gifts were for Savannah really. Yeah he wanted to give her the stained glass bird and for a little while I collected Squinkies.

'''Al''': Squinkies? What’s a Squinkie?

'''Chris''': They’re the cute little animal-type plastic squishy things. You can put ‘em on pencils or pencils and pegs and they’re like, they're like little various characters...

'''Al''': Oh like, those little erasers you put on the end of pencils sometimes.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but these are not erasers.

'''Al''': Oh, they’re like decorative.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I never even heard of that ????????

'''Chris''': Yeah they came out like within the past decade.

'''Al''': Cool.

'''Catherine''': I guess, yeah I would’ve been overseas then.

'''Al''': So there’s no… your father’s side of the family there’s no… on your mother’s side of the family there’s nobody either?

'''Chris''': Nobody on my father’s side of the family, they’re all old as well. And pretty much my father, he has siblings but they’re all half siblings as well and he never really got close to them either, they, they never really got close to him.

'''Catherine''': So you and your mom really don’t have much of a support network.

'''Chris''': Yeah, kind of up a creek with a wing and a prayer… (pause) I didn’t want to say without a paddle, because we did sort of have a paddle so that’s why “with a wing and a prayer.”

'''Al''': That… that sucks man.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. That’s terrible. I mean, we haven’t always been close but at least we have family.

===The Game Place incident===

'''Al''': So what are your long term plans, I mean, where do you see you and Catie five years from now?

'''Chris''': Well, hopefully uh, more organized and all that and uh… definitely would like to be married.

'''Al''': So are you gonna be living with Catie then or are three going to be living with your mom?

'''Chris''': Yeah I think, uh, I think uh, i think we’re uh, all going to be living together. Yeah cuz I don’t want to leave my mother behind. I’m sure all of us will be living together.

'''Al''': So do you plan on doing this Sonichu thing, comic book thing or continue with the art?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’m thinking I am going to continue with the art.

'''Al''': So have you thought about getting a job at all though? I know the economy's bad right now.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’m gonna apply… I’m apply for a part time job after uh, yeah after we move back in, uh but I guess part time, I guess I might be flexible. I might try beforehand but I'm still not certain about that when [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] will be completed.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And we have to move everything back to the house - we’re renting a storage unit as well.

'''Al''': You don’t have like a, like with the applications for job checks or anything, one of the things that can make it harder is if you have a felony on your record. I mean, you don’t have any crimes on your record, do you?

'''Chris''': [sigh] No, not really, but the [[trolls]]...

'''Al''': You never got arrested or anything like that?

'''Chris''': Yeah, my mother and I [[28 October 2011|we have been arrested]]… upon a trap set by, set by [[Michael Snyder|the guy who pressed charges against us]].

'''Al''': So was he one of the trolls then, or one of these internet bullies?

'''Chris''': Yeah I say he was among the trolls I say everybody and the [[jerkops|police]] around here are amongst the trolls as well. I mean, it’s not confirmed but my mother and I we end up speculating there.

'''Al''': So was it these...

'''Catherine''': So you and your mom both think...

'''Chris''': It’s the impression we get from, from, when we were talks with the police while we were under their custody at the time, or when we were going to report something, like we reported the trawwwllls and their ? have been going on and nothing got done.

'''Catherine''': There’s not always a lot they can do about that. What made you think, like apart from that, what made you conclude that trolls were in the police?

'''Chris''': Uh...

'''Al''': Yeah, what made you think that the cops were trolls?

'''Catherine''': Yeah what had you...

'''Chris''': Essentially it was within the attitude and the signal- the body language and subtle signal.

'''Catherine''': The attitude and body language, like how so, what specific?

'''Al''': Were the police not very professional then?

'''Chris''': Yeah they were not, they were not very professional, they’re more brutish - more like shoot first, or arrest first, beat ‘em up, ask questions later.

'''Catherine''': You got beat up by the police?

'''Chris''': Yeah we both did that time.

'''Al''': So were you physically injured? You could’ve sued the police if they abused you.

'''Chris''': Yeah we were completely injured, my mother was too.

'''Catherine''': What happened? Did you break a bone, did you need stitches?

'''Chris''': Uh... no bones were broken, but they broke my [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]].

'''Al''': Well that’s still damage to property, it’s not physical injury, but, so did they pay for your glasses then?

'''Chris''': Uh [sigh] no, we, my mother and I we were already going through our own [[stress]] from the court dates and everything. Fortunately we got settled, we got stuck with a felony charge, mother and I, but that’ll be cleared up next June or July.

'''Catherine''': Next June, so do you have a court date?

'''Chris''': Uh, I don’t think there is a court date, I’m not sure.

'''Al''': When was this? What happened?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, when did this happen?

'''Chris''': Yeah this was October 2011. [pause] [[Michael Snyder]], [[The GAMe PLACe|the Game Hobby place]] I had been [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from there cuz Michael hated my guts April 2008 and uh he was definitely a total asshole.

'''Catherine''': How was he an asshole to you?

'''Chris''': He was just very mean, uncaring, he wouldn’t even give service when I went in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|one time before that]], that just, uh ask him OK everything's past everything and he’s like “no” he’s like “no” and he was gonna call the police on evidence so I left.

'''Al''': So wait a second, you went into the store one time and you talked with him and what happened?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I tried to reason with him. Like I was like uh [sigh] I had it audio recorded and I uploaded it for the reason I had at the time...

'''Al''': Wait a second, why would you record it and then why would you upload it? Where did you upload it to?

'''Chris''': Well, because I, because I (pause) well it was because, you know, so I could prove Michael was as mean as he was. Had he had not been mean I wouldn’t have uploaded it at all, but I mean it was audio when I had a digital camera in my pocket and it recorded the audio.

'''Catherine''': OK?

'''Al''': And when was this?

'''Chris''': Uh this was like um, two thousand nine, or ten.

'''Catherine''': OK so it was a few years ago.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So he was just basically an asshole?

'''Chris''': Yeah he was just, it was like every time it was just like every time I got half way through sentence he was just like “nope.” rah blah blah blah “nope” blah blah blah “nope.” Just a minute, “nope, nope, nope.” bipbipbibpbip “nope” -

'''Al''': So Chris, that was in two-thousand and ten then?

'''Chris''': Nine or ten I don’t remember exactly.

'''Al''': And you said you got arrested in 2011.

'''Chris''': Yeah because it was a trap essentially. My mother and I, we were in that part of town and we saw a sign on a store window that said “under new management” so I figured Michael was gone, right, but no he was the new manager of the place now and he had the police on call, ready right there at the people, at the Staple’s store to, to be like witnesses and everything and mom and I we tried to make our escape but they, but nobody would let us and then like, Snyder paid the police, told “beat the crap outta ‘em and arrest ‘em!” something like that.

'''Catherine''': He bribed the police?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Why would he do that? Why would he hate you so much?

[pause for obnoxious birthday song in background]

'''Al''': Why would he do that? He sounds like a really cruel guy?

'''Chris''': Yeah, he was really cruel.

'''Catherine''': How’d you find out he bribed the cops, did somebody tell you?

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, pretty much my mom figured it out, essentially and you know it’s like com- it’s like common sense to put two and two together and he figured that he would profit from me and my mother, he thought we were rich but we were not so rich. We had- it was a lot of money we had, but Mr. C, my father had left us and it paid the court and lawyer fees.

'''Al''': So what were you charged with then? I mean, it sounds like you didn’t really do anything.

'''Chris''': Yeaaa we were charged with trespassing.

'''Al''': Well you mentioned a felony too. It doesn’t sound like trespassing would just be a felony.

'''Chris''': There was also uh… There were...

'''Al''': You said you tried to make an escape, did you run from the cops?

'''Chris''': Uh a bit… yeah.

'''Al''': Wow.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they were blocking, they were try to block our path out but we made it out but then they cornered us at the nearby court building in the back parking lot, behind the building.

'''Al''': Chris, I’ve had to deal with cops myself, and I’ve gotta say, you never look forward to dealing with the cops but they’re still the police. You gotta treat them with respect. Even if you don’t agree with them you still have to show respect.

'''Chris''': Yeah… that’s…

'''Al''': It’s just important to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s still the process I’m trying to get to. ? uh giving the good from the bad from and I’m still seeing bad in a lot of ‘em because with the bribery and everything they can be corrupted. Cuz you don’t know what’s going on in their heads.

'''Catherine''': You realize that if you find actual evidence, like if you could actually put a case together for that you can sue them and you can...

'''Al''': Yeah, if they slip up and you get evidence that they’ve been bribed or that they maltreated you...

'''Catherine''': You could get the charges dropped and it’ll be off your record completely and it’ll be like it never happened.

'''Chris''': Yeah but.. yeah…but that hardly… My mother thought that at one point but we we’re so stressed and everything we couldn’t really act on it.

'''Al''': It can be hard to find evidence of that, yeah.

'''Catherine''': It can be hard, but if this is all true, if this is really what happened then goodness knows what else has been happening.

'''Chris''': well... yeah, yeah.

'''Catherine''': So you could be able to help a lot of people if you did that.

'''Al''': Yeah if the police around here are acting like that you might not be the only victim. They could be doing that to other people.

[PART 7 1:30]

'''Al''': What happened then, did you get a felony on your record, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, ‘cause uh, there was a little bit of a…yeah, I mean we, there was a bit of a fight on the way out and…

'''Catherine''': A bit of a fight?

'''Chris''': Yes, yeah, something like, and uh, Snyder, he pretended to be like hit by our van, but he did not, but the van was stood still. He like hit the bumper and faked falls. Twice.

'''Al''': Wait, he what?

'''Chris''': He stood in front of our van. He did not want us to leave. And he pretended to be like, he got hit by the van. He kicked the bumper and faked his falls.

'''Al''': So he walked…so the van was not moving. It was, he walked up to the van and then like, fell back?
[[File:Stonewall Jackson.jpg|thumb|right|Michael Snyder]]
'''Chris''': Uh, well, he stood there like uh, shoot, what was that uh, the, the general who, Stonewall Jackson!

'''Al''': The Confederate general.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Like stood there like [stupid voice] Stonewall Jackson! Yeah. And then, like I said he…I’m not going to repeat myself, I’ve repeated enough times. He hit the bumper and fell.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. But yeah, so basically he filed a bunch of charges against you then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': And the cops helped him out?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Did you have a lawyer?

'''Chris''': Yeah, we had [[Rob Bell]].

'''Catherine''': I don’t know him.

'''Al''': So how…

'''Chris''': Yeah he…

'''Al''': Who’s he?

'''Chris''': Uh yeah, he’s uh, he’s Rob Bell. And he’s an attorney. Uh, I forget what he specializes in. His office is in the downtown mall area. Uh, he ran, he ran for Congress. He’s a congressman among there. Um, but the way he handled our case, he was kind of like being, he was kind of like chicken about it. I mean, it’s like, yeah it was like…

'''Catherine''': How so?

'''Chris''': Like, he was, he, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t assert us very well in the way he presented everything. Uh…

'''Catherine''': Like what was his, what was his argument? What was his defense?

'''Chris''': Uh…I don’t remember all the details. Um, um, but mom, but yeah my mom’s had more observation of Rob Bell than I would, than I was able to.

'''Al''': It, it sounds like you were innocent, ['''Chris''': “Yeah.”] so were you found innocent then?

'''Chris''': Uh, well we, well, he advised us and we went along with it to plead guilty. Yeah and then, and then all the char-, and then, uh, pushed us to multiple trials. We uh, had the, uh, shoot…the… First you go, you check in with?

'''Catherine''': Parole officer?

'''Chris''': Uh yeah, but indirect. We did not have to have a parole officer all the time so we just checked in with the person who was helping us there, being the parole officer.

'''Catherine''': It’s usually a parole officer who [?].

'''Al''': Yeah. So how long did you spend in jail then before the trial?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, we spent overnight in jail from like, seven a.m. to like, three to six…I mean, seven, seven to nine, it felt like it was from seven p.m. to the following, uh, three to six…

'''Al''': But it was overnight. So it was like one day?

'''Catherine''': It was overnight, [?].

'''Chris''': It was like overnight, but I was really upset. I was, I mean, when you upset an autistic person it’s just really bad.

'''Al''': So were they not, did they not know you were autistic then, or did they not care, or…?

'''Chris''': They did not care. And, and I…

'''Catherine''': How did you know that?

'''Chris''': Uh. Uh, I couldn’t really think of it, I was just too darn upset. They were arrest-, they were arresting my mother and all I could do was just scream.

'''Catherine''': [?] your fault.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they, I didn’t, I ended up try-, I could not find peace while sitting in that jail cell, and not knowing where my, where my mother was and everything. Nobody would talk to me in there, and for hours, while I was stuck in there, so stuck in there, because there was no clock anywhere in sight. I actually thought it was like 7:27 pm on Friday, October 27th.

'''Catherine''': That sounds really terrible.

'''Al''': Did you sleep at all?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] After we got back home late, after we got back home then, in the morning, yeah.

'''Al''': So you stayed up all night?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah. Yeah, I was just worried, worried, worried.

===Chris, Catherine, and Barb, united in holy matrimony===

'''Al''': So did you have anybody who helped you, or…? I mean you said you don’t keep in touch with your family, so who…?

'''Catherine''': Did you have anybody in your corner? Anybody helping you?

'''Chris''': Uh, well, yeah most, well there was one, yes, that’s my uh, [[Minor Family Members#Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom|Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]]. My mom talks to her weekly nowadays, at least every Saturday.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And uh, that’s pretty much it, uh, they haven’t uh, they haven’t invited us over to their new condominium.

'''Al''': Oy, where do they live?

'''Chris''': Yeah, they’re living in [[Richmond]], in Chesterfield County there.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that’s not that too far away.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So maybe, maybe what, could your mother maybe she could move in with them…?

'''Chris''': Uh, we don’t…

'''Al''': And you and Catie could live together. Would that work, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, no, because uh, we do not know their address and they have not invited us over. All we have from Harriet and Tom now is their phone number.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Haven’t you even been by for a visit? How long have they been living there? You say it’s new, so…

'''Chris''': I think it’s been like uh, one, two, three years, at best.

'''Catherine''': OK. So…

'''Chris''': Yeah, but anyway, but anyway…

'''Catherine''': I’m just not sure how I feel about…I understand you’re close to your mother, but I don’t know if I want to be married and also doing that. Does that make sense?

'''Chris''': I feel that makes sense but uh, I don’t think…

'''Catherine''': Because it’s not an usual arrangement.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Uh don’t, I don’t think you have to worry about that.

'''Catherine''': You don’t?

'''Chris''': Yeah I don’t think so.

'''Catherine''': You mean you don’t think it would be a problem?

'''Chris''': I don’t think it would be a problem.

'''Catherine''': So like, I mean like, what if we one day had [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]]? There would be children in the house.

'''Chris''': Well, we would be in the big, we would be back in the bigger house long before then.

'''Catherine''': Oh yeah yeah, no, I’m talking about after that, after you’re back in your, your real house. Like what if we have children, there’s children running about? Would your mother be able to handle them?

'''Chris''': Yeah, she would be able to handle them. She’s been able to handle the dog-, our little puppies, [[Clover and Snoopy|our dogs]].

'''Catherine''': Dogs aren’t children, though.

'''Al''': Yeah I mean, you said that she was having only a limited amount of energy every day. Are you sure that she could handle a couple new kids?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] Yeah, I’m sure she could handle children.

'''Catherine''': Has she, have you talked about, is this something you’ve talked about?

'''Chris''': Yeah, we, yeah, we talked about it before.

'''Al''': So…

'''Catherine''': What did she say about that?

'''Chris''': Uh, she said, she shed she’ll be, she’ll be able to help out.

'''Catherine''': And…

'''Chris''': Yeah she’s just, I think uh, what really eased her, ease her to be able to stay awake longer is motiv-, is the motivation and the drive and she’s been feeling a lot better because I’ve been more happy lately, cause of you.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Al''': So she, she knows about Catie then?

'''Chris''': Oh yes.

'''Catherine''': What, what all does she know about me?

'''Chris''': Um, I showed her your photographs. Um, I told her you were part Scottish and Italian. Told her a bit, told her a bit about your father and stepfather. And uh, about your mom. I, uh, just went into that detail there and [?] and everything. I’m not, I’m not gonna go furder because I don’t want to upset you.

'''Catherine''': OK yeah, cause I’m not sure. I mean eventually she will find out that…

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I just don’t know how, it’s like, it’s like [?] about tomgirl/lesbian thing.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So it’s sort of…in due time, I think.

'''Chris''': Yes, in due time. Everything in due time, but I did tell her a lot of things that we shared, talked about.

'''Catherine''': That’s good. And she’s, she’s happy with that?

'''Chris''': Yeah she’s happy and she’s…

'''Catherine''': I know for a bit she was a little bit concerned because she’s, she’s afraid I was going to take you away.

'''Chris''': Uh, no no no, I don’t think so. Yeah I think, if anything, she would, well, hm. I don’t know yet, but I def-, I definitely would not leave her behind if we moved into a new house.
[[File:Psycho house.jpg|thumb|right|Definitely not 14 Branchland Court.]]
'''Catherine''': OK. You must be really attached to her.

'''Chris''': Yeah but, it’s not like, it’s not like Bates Motel or anything like that.

'''Catherine''': What’s Bates Motel? Oh, that…

'''Al''': What the hell is Bates Motel?!

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Catherine''': Psycho.

'''Al''': What?

'''Catherine''': Psycho.

'''Chris''': The movie Psycho.

'''Al''': Oh, like the Alfred Hitchcock.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah and they also made a TV series based off that, of before his mother died.

'''Catherine''': Oh, I haven’t seen the show.

'''Chris''': It’s on Netflix. Check it out sometime.

'''Catherine''': I’m scared of everything, so.

===Obama, Anna, and the trolls===

'''Al''': Yeah. Uh Chris, you said earlier that I was one of the males that you get along with well?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, it’s like I don’t get along with most [[JERKS|males]] around the world originally, and I have a little like a few male acquaintances, friends, that I get along friendly well with, and I have to respect the president. Uh, and I guess pretty much to say, my mind, my mind is fixed so far. I voted for [[Barack Obama|Obama]] both times.

'''Al''': So why’d you vote for Obama? What made you decide?

'''Chris''': I, well, it’s like you know initially the first time he ran against uh, sh-, I forget his name.

'''Catherine''': McCain.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, McKinney. Yeah, I would have, and I would have definitely voted for Sarah Palin if she had stayed in the running. But anyway, uh, I felt, I’ve watched both a-, both A&E biographies of McCain and uh, Obama, and with the way he was uh, raised and everything, in uh, poor countries and at distant from his parents and whatnot, I f-, I kind of felt like um, with my mental stabil-, with my [[autism|mental problems]] and whatnot, I felt like I could similarly relate to him? I felt more related, felt more relatable to him in that sense than McCain was. As he was the, uh, prisoner in that other country he insisted, he did not want to be released early. He wanted to go out with the r-, with as s-, at the same time as errybody else. Uh I mean, that is, that is admirable [he pronounces this word all wrong].

'''Al''': So why’d you vote for him the second time then? Did your uh, did your reasons change, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Catherine''': Or was it just the same thing?

'''Chris''': I’d say it was pretty much just the same.

'''Catherine''': You felt you related to him more.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So is that like, is that like a continuing thing for you, like you have to feel like you have to relate to an authority figure?

'''Chris''': Uh, not necessarily all the time, but I felt like uh, if I wanted, if I felt like I wanted to make sure that I had good reason to decide from the change and having a first [[niggos|black]] president. Aside from that, cause if I had done that, if I had done it on just that alone, that would have been [[Chris and race|racist]].

'''Catherine''': I suppose that makes sense.

'''Al''': Yeah. So Chr-, who else do you hang out with? I mean, aside from males, girls, do you have any friends?

'''Chris''': Uh, I don’t have too many friends. Uh, I have, I have gal-, I have two [[gal-pals]], uh, female friends, uh, yeah one of which lives in Utah. That’s [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]. And the other one lives around here with her boyfriend Philip, that’s [[Kim Wilson|Kim]]. Uh, but we don’t hang out much. Well we do talk like over instant mess-, over instant message for, and emails.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Plus I have uh, Anna’s phone number, so I call Anna [all] the time.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Al''': Well…

'''Catherine''': [?] talking to you as a friend, like?

'''Chris''': I feel like, I feel like it is important for me to have friends, but because of, because uh, uh, yes. I’m…yeah, but, yeah, for the past, since [[2007]] I’ve been, and definit-, kind of since two thou-, since after the trolls came in, it definitely has gone downhill for me. I became more paranoid of people now.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. And you were a little bit paranoid of me for a bit.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And I feel better.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, [?] real now.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': OK, good. I didn’t, I didn’t want to upset you.

'''Chris''': Yeah, you’re not upsetting me. Uh, in fact, in fact you’re doing the opposite. The only thing that’s upsetting me right now is recounting the uh, some of the past times.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’m sorry.

'''Chris''': That’s OK. I mean, it’s, I mean as long as I can find a punch line to go out good with, that pops up random in my head.

'''Catherine''': Well if it pops up you let me know.

'''Al''': So…

'''Catherine''': [?] to me.

'''Al''': Yeah, so Chris, how did all these trolls or internet bull-, how did it all start?

'''Chris''': [sigh] Because I uploaded whatever I felt like onto the [[internet]], essentially Sonichu and Rosechu and I had a, before then I had a [[CWC's Pokésite 2|Pokemon website]] cause I was more interested in [[Pokemon]] at that time, plus also I was a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since Genesis. [dumb voice] SAY-GAH!

'''Al''': So they just saw all your artwork and then they were just like, hey, let’s fuck with this guy?

'''Chris''': Yeah. That’s, [[Chris and art|they saw my artwork as childish]] the way I drew. Anyway yeah, that’s a word association—you mentioned the fact of Genesis, I’ll say, SAYGAH!

'''Catherine''': Word association.

===Early video games===

'''Al''': Yeah. So you play a lot of video games?

'''Chris''': Uh yeah, I played a lot of [[video games]].

'''Al''': So do you have any favorite video games, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, some, uh, yeah, I definitely like the, uh, I definitely like uh, anything with [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] in it, but, but my favorite Sonic game would have to be Sonic CD.

'''Al''': Cool. So how long have you been playing video games?

'''Chris''': Uh, pretty much all my life. My father also raised me on video games also.

Waitress: Would you like more drinks?

'''Catherine''': No, I think we’re probably [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think we’re good, thank you.

'''Catherine''': Sorry, I didn’t mean to [?].

'''Al''': Yeah. So he introduced you to video games?
[[File:Commodore 64.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's first crush.]]
'''Chris''': Yeah, he, yeah, shortly before I was born the Commodore 64 computer came out, and he bought it and got it for me. The monitor, the keyboard, the whole hard drive in that, and the floppy disk drive, even the printer.

'''Al''': So what’s your first video game that you remember playing?

'''Chris''': Uh, I can remember, I can remember a few from the, amongst the floppy disks I had, there was a Muppets video game, and uh, Ch-, and the Peanuts Charlie Brown video game with, about letters. And uh, and then among the floppy disks there was also Pitfall, Q-Bert, uh, Pist-, uh, Piston P For-, uh, Formula 1 Racing, um, and then there was a [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]] video game that I lov-, that was kind of delightful.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So how old were you then when you started playing? About six, seven years old?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, musta been like, uh, I’m gonna have to say as long as I can remember. Um, maybe at least one or, maybe at least six months to a year or two.
Al: From when you started school, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, started playing video games, started on the Commodore 64.

'''Catherine''': At six months?

'''Chris''': Well, I don’t know. I don’t remember, it was soooo long…

'''Al''': Wait, a year old? Like, you can’t even walk at a year old, dude.

'''Chris''': Well, maybe, well, OK well, maybe, well, OK well…

'''Al''': Maybe like two or three years old?

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': OK.

'''Al''': It was a long time ago.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': [?] you started to say, [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah, that makes more sense, one or two. Two or two.

===How Chris conquered [[autism]]===

'''Al''': So you, when did you find out, when did you find out you were autistic?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, it was wr-, about within the first two years of my life. I said my first word, “monkey,” at about six weeks. I was trying to say “mommy.”

'''Al''': That’s very impressive.

[PART 8 01:45]

'''Chris''': Yeah, and then I, and then I came up with new words as I went and uh, then I just finally stopped talking at about a year and a half. And my mom was very, my mom and dad, especially my mom was very, uh, what’s the word I’m looking for?

'''Al''': Wait, you, you stopped talking for a year and a half?

'''Chris''': Nah, I stopped talking at one and a half years.

'''Al''': Ohhh.

'''Catherine''': So you [didn’t…?]

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': Is that common with autistic people?

'''Chris''': Yeah that’s one thing that’s common among autistic people. Yeah they either, yeah they stop talking and they probably like never talk again, or like my mom had all her positive influence and whatnot, never stopped hugging me.

'''Catherine''': What sort of positive influence?

'''Chris''': Yeah, hugging. Love.

'''Chris''': And like, you know, floor time, playing with me.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that would do it.

'''Chris''': And talking to me. Ah, I started talking again at seven.

'''Catherine''': Sounds very devoted.

'''Chris''': Yes. Very devoted, they both were.

'''Catherine''': That’s good.

'''Al''': So they, they knew you had autism, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, uh, what did they do, like what sort of treatment or special stuff did they do for you aside from just like, loving and caring for you?
Chris: Uh, uh, I don’t remember exactly.

'''Catherine''': Did you have any kind of therapy at any point?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah we went to, we went, we went and saw, we saw people; we went up to the Coogi [?] rehab center. Krugi? [Neither Chris nor I know the name of this place.]

'''Catherine''': I don’t know [?].

'''Al''': I don’t, I don’t know.

'''Catherine''': I haven’t been here that long.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, and I’ve been, I’ve uh, learned about robotics and computers there as well. [Catherine: “Hm.”] Yeah, that must have definitely been after two years old. Uh, I think I was three, four, or five when I went to, went to…Krugi.

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and uh, went up to, and then also sessions over at [[James Madison University]].

'''Catherine''': OK, since that’s a different sort up there.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, and a few times over at [[University of Virginia|UVA]] as well.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Al''': Well yeah, I mean, obviously you’ve learned how to talk, so that’s good.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

===High school years===

'''Al''': So do you still talk, you said school was pretty rough for you growing up. Do you still keep in touch with anybody from school?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, oh yeah, I tried to get in touch with my [[gal-pals]] in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. Uh, high school, the best years of my life there. My, my closest gal-pals were very nice to me, very good. But then I found out that they were hired to be my protectors because my, my [[Bob Chandler|father]] had set up with the prin-, uh the principal and uh, and uh, [sigh]. Lost my train of thought.

'''Al''': Hey, well your father had, your father had what with the principal?

'''Chris''': Worked, you know, talked with the principal. Set up…friends for me to hang, for me to hang out with.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': Aww.

'''Chris''': And, and like, you know, protect me from bullies.

'''Catherine''': Were you bullied really bad?

'''Chris''': Uh, I was bullied a few times, yeah, considerably, uh...

'''Catherine''': So it must have been really bad if your dad went to that length.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': If he thought that that was what he had to do. I mean, how bad was it? What happened?

'''Chris''': Uh, uh, well, it, comments made, there was kids who were teasing me, shouting, “Sonic’s dead.” As in [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And uh, then there was this one time on the regular school bus in my freshman year…

'''Catherine''': Mm-hmm.

'''Chris''': Uh, I got beat up by, I got beat up real bad, kid punched my glasses off. He wanted to be the first off the bus.

'''Catherine''': Was that, he just, he just pushed you and [?] your glasses off?

'''Chris''': He, he like, like…

'''Catherine''': Punched you in the face? What happened to him? Did you tell on him?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, I did tell on him. I’m sure he got punished, I don’t know exactly, but anyway…

'''Catherine''': Well for something like that…

'''Al''': He just punched you in the face for no reason?

'''Chris''': [gets agitated] Well there was a reason: he wanted to be first off the bus!

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s, if something like that happened now, somebody would be, you know, get all kinds of detentions and stuff.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But nobody did anything?

'''Chris''': I’m sure somebody did something. I, I feel certain he got punished. But any, but anyway, yeah, uh, broke, knocked, knocked a lens out [[Pedo-Glasses|my glasses]] then as well. Ugh. But anyway, the sad part for me is the remaining years of my, the remaining high school years, I had to go there on a [[Manchester High School#The Bus|handicapped bus]].

'''Al''': Why?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh]

'''Catherine''': Why would you do that?

'''Chris''': Because they feared, uh, they feared, uh, me getting bullied by somebody else on the bigger bus.

'''Catherine''': So they just… That seems like an extreme action.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Was that your parents’ idea or was that the school?

'''Chris''': Uh, my parents idea. I believe my father’s. Uh, but I, but I feel like it was the worse idea cause I ended up sitting, I ended up being randomly, ah well, I don’t know if I’m… Depending on how he felt, there was this [[slow-in-the-minds|very mentally challenged guy]] who was a little bit taller than me. He was like “bdeh, bdeh, bdeh, bdeh, bdeh.” [Chris blows three raspberries.] He had an older brother that helped him out. But, yeah, but he often one time just whapped me on the back of the head. A few times he did that.

'''Al''': So you rode on the bus with him?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, I rode on the handicapped bus. So.

'''Catherine''': Did you have any classes with him [?]?

'''Chris''': I had no classes with any of, with anyb-, with anybody on that bus.

'''Al''': So he would hit you in the back of the head for no reason?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, for no reason.

'''Catherine''': That sounds awful.

'''Al''': That’s awful.

'''Chris''': I would, I would tend to think uh, it might be, from his perception, of maybe something like uh, [dumb voice] “Hey, high five! I said high five! This guy’s head is a bit like a fist so I’ll give him a high five!” Whap!

'''Al''': He just didn’t understand.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': He didn’t understand.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I guess that can’t be counted as bullying then , I don’t think, because he…

'''Al''': Yeah, he didn’t understand what he was doing.

'''Catherine''': He didn’t know better. Yeah, you can’t hold that against him.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’m not, yeah, I w-, I’m not, I’m not gonna hold it against, I have not held it against him then except for the fact that it hurt.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': But his fath-, his brother told him that and made sure he understood and then, and then he stopped, but I still felt very uncomfortable sitting within that radius of him.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. So what made high sch-, you said you were bullied a lot; what made high school so good?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I got bullied a lot less in high school.

'''Catherine''': So then what made high school so [?]?

'''Chris''': And then, and then I had my cl-, and then I got to have my closest friends in high school, my, my gal-pals.

'''Al''': But who were they?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah I can name them: [[Kellie Andes]], [[Gal pal#Miranda Joyce Mitchell|Miranda Mitchell]], [[Gal pal#Sarah Anne Bevel|Sarah Bevel]], [[Tiffany Gowen]]…uh, for God’s sake, I can’t, uh….Did I say Kellie or Miranda first?

'''Catherine''': Kellie.

'''Chris''': Uh, Miranda Mitchell. [[Gal pal#Molly Quarles|Molly Quarles]].

'''Catherine''': OK. So that was your, like, group of friends.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But didn’t you say that something happened and they all decided [?]?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, it was like, yeah it was like, it was like sometime after [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Yeah, we got separated, uh, and then I found, and then I found most of them on [[Facebook]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': And I tried communicating with them, but then they replied, it’s like, uh, they didn’t want to do a thing with me, and then this also ended up being a factor after the trolls came in and made a mess of my once good, made a mess of my good name.

'''Catherine''': So, what do you think the trolls had to do with that?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, yeah, like uh, yeah they found out, they got to them first and told them everything, everything about, everything from their perception that was considered bad about me.

'''Catherine''': What did they tell them?

'''Chris''': Oh, I’m sure they told them like, [deep voice] “Christian’s gaaay.”

'''Catherine''': But if you’re a lesbian, then technically that would be…

'''Chris''': Well no, yeah maybe, they didn’t, it was, they, they were mislabeling me as a, as a male homosexual there. Or otherwise that I was just plain stupid. Well anyway, then uh, all the things that they blackmailed me, tricked me into doing, I went into some of that with…

===Chris's history with the trolls===

'''Catherine''': [[Chris humps his PS3|Blackmail]]?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Blackmail? Do you have…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, like, like I had my Playstation account on, in their grasp. Under the troll…

'''Catherine''': Did they hack it? Your Playstation?

'''Chris''': Yeah they hacked, yeah they hacked it.

'''Catherine''': So wait what, and then what happened? Like, what did they do with that?

'''Chris''': Uh, they uh, ended up giving it back to me sometime, but I never realized I got to call Sony and then uh, reset, uh, get them to reset everything and then I get back in my…

'''Al''': Reset the password?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Reset the account.

'''Chris''': Yeah. But they also, the, the trolls, they also changed the email address associated with the account, so that was a big, that was a bigger screw in the hole.

'''Catherine''': That’s quite a lot of effort they went to.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, why would they…they’re that, they wanted to fuck with you that bad?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': They’re that dedicated to messing with you?

'''Chris''': They’re OK with messing with me, messing with him, messing with her, everybody they see as weak, cause they’re all stuck, they’re all stereotypically stuck in the basements of their house with their mother, with their parents being all overweight or whatever, yelling, shouting at them and everything, when they got all their high-tech equipment set up, and they just wanna fuck with errybody.

'''Catherine''': So have you, like, met these people, and that’s how you know they’re like that?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Al''': Yeah, how’d you find out who they are?

'''Chris''': Well, I, they pretty much revealed themselves.

'''Catherine''': Oh did they?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and uh, I’ve actually met a few of them in person. Once, once or twice.

'''Catherine''': Really? How did you, how did that happen?

'''Chris''': Well one was had like a set-up, uh, where, with a f-, where I thought I was gonna make a, I thought I was gonna make a new girlf-, [[Emily|a girlfriend]] there. My father was with me that one time. But it turns out there was a camera recording, and hiding from somewhere else [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|recording everything that was going on in that conversation]].

'''Al''': Wow.

'''Catherine''': Really?

'''Chris''': Yeah. And then uh, then this other guy came in dressed in a [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle costume]]!

'''Catherine''': A pickle costume? That’s funny!

'''Al''': A costume?! Why would he be dressed in a pickle costume?

'''Catherine''': I swear I was looking at you, that’s just so absurd.

'''Chris''': Yeah I know it is absurd.

'''Catherine''': Why a pickle costume?
[[File:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|right|The drawing in question.]]
'''Chris''': Uh, because early, early in the s-, early in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], uh, I drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] eating lunch with [[Rosechu]]. He uh, he was eating a sandwich, he was eating a sandwich and he had pickle, it had pickles on it. Uh, it was like, “I hate pickles!” Ungh!

'''Catherine''': And that was it?

'''Al''': So, this Sssonichu character hated pickles?

'''Chris''': Yeah, but I made it clear more recently that uh, he was allergic to pickles.

'''Catherine''': OK. And that, and that…

'''Al''': Like, some people are allergic to peanut butter? Your Sonichu character in the com-, your Sonic guy is allergic to…

'''Chris''': Pickles.

'''Al''': Why did you make him allergic to pickles?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh]

'''Catherine''': Why pickles?

'''Al''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': Yeah, because, because I don’t like [[pickles]] either.

'''Catherine''': Oh.

'''Al''': Oh, OK.

'''Chris''': Uh, I tasted them and I’m not really fond of the taste. I like cucumbers, though. I guess it’s more the pickle juice that…

'''Catherine''': I suppose it’s just the pickle [?] preserving process.

'''Al''': Yeah, what they do is they get cucumbers and they put vinegar in it to make…

'''Catherine''': Vinegar and other [?].

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah, other preservatives to make the pickles, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So. But no, um, you were saying, uh, so why’d they break off your gal-pals? Why did they break off contact with you after high school?

'''Chris''': Uh, they did, they just want, they just did not, they just essentially did not want me being happy at all.

'''Al''':

'''Chris''': No, I had not done anything to them.

'''Catherine''': Really?

'''Chris''': Seriously.

'''Catherine''': So why did they, like what made them change their minds? Presumably they were fond of you in school, like they liked you or something.

'''Chris''': Um, well I’d say everything that the trolls told them. Um, but I think, I would say the trolls, they hated me initially, but then they wanted to find more stuff to hate me with, so they sent me emails and whatnot, uh, on the internet. Internet communications, since two thou-, since 2007. And uh, and [[Mailbag|I answered some of their questions publicly]] on the, I had a wiki-style website, Wikipedia-style. Not [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|Wikipedia]]. It was called…

'''Al''': Cool, so you had your own Wikipedia then?

'''Chris''': Yeah but I, it was just…

'''Catherine''': Like a famous person.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it was called “[[CWCipedia]],” cause my initials C.W.C., Christian Weston Chandler. Saying the initials it sounds like the word “quick.” Zzzt!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Like Sonic is quick, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So you had your own, what happened to your website? Is it still up?

'''Chris''': No, they hacked it. And I just, I was like, they kept hacking it, and I was like, I was tired with it, I don’t want a website anymore.

'''Catherine''': So you just gave it up?

'''Chris''': Yeah and I, and I shut, I shut it down, pulled the plug.

'''Al''': So you just gave up and let them win?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh]

'''Catherine''': That’s sort of sad.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You let them win, then that shows that they can bully you.

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] Well I was s-, I was, that was years ago. I think it was like, 2008 or 9 that I pulled the plug on all the websites I had.

'''Al''': That was a while back, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So, you could probably do it again, though.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Just to show them, like to get up there and show them that you are proud and that you are strong ['''Chris''': “Yeah.”] and they can’t pull you down.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s like, you know, even when I try to make a new relationship, uh, especially among the theoretical rex-, exes I had, I still could not tell which was which…

'''Al''': Wait, what do you mean, “theoretical ex?”

'''Chris''': I was saying we never met in person. And then we communicated essentially online.

'''Al''': So theoretical ex is like, fake ex, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, it could be fake. But it’s like, uh, it’s, it’s a theory: I’m online, I’m talking to a woman, and then, likely, probably, on the udder guy’s [?] of a woman it’s [[Julie|a dude…pretending]].

'''Al''': Yeah, that’s not cool.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. That’s, well obviously I’m not a [?] woman, so…

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': I’m very happy about that.

'''Catherine''': Excuse me, I’m burping a bit.

===Al wants Chris to get a job===

'''Al''': Yeah. So what, looking to the future, um, so your plan is pretty much move back into your [[14 Branchland Court|old house]] and maybe Catie can move in, and…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah I think so.

'''Al''': So, how are you gonna take care of, uh, Catie then? And [[Barbara Chandler|your mom]]? How do you, what’s your plan for that?

'''Chris''': I think we, I think we’ll be able to pool our [[tugboat|resources]] and, and [[Chris and money|finances]], and do good. I know that doesn’t sound so swift, even I’m feeling that, but I mean, I just feel, I just feel like uh, we’re, we’ve been getting along very well and I don’t want to be alone forever.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And, and you know, couples do work better together as a team, pool everything, you know?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well Chris… [lets Catherine speak] yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think Al is just concerned cause our family is so traditional.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s understandable.

'''Al''': It’s just, you know, you’re marrying not just her, but you’re marrying into our whole family.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Al''': And we have high standards.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Al''': And you need to take care of my cousin well.

'''Chris''': I’ll sh-, I’ll take care of her the best I am able.

'''Al''': OK. And if you, you just need to show her some respect and take care of her, and I’m not sure, I don’t know you too well yet. Right, so…

'''Chris''': I, I promise you I will show her a lot of [[Scale of Respect|respect]] and I will do my best to take care of her.

'''Al''': OK, well. We’ll see then. If you can prove that to me then you can prove that to me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Al''': So.

Catherine: Don’t be such a hardass.

'''Al''': Oh, well, yeah.

'''Chris''': It’s alright, I mean, I understand. I’ve seen a lot of the si-, I’ve seen a lot of the type on the, uh, telly.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Catherine''': He’s just looking out for me.

'''Al''': Oh yeah, if you, if you can treat her with respect, and you can maybe get a job, bring in some money, or continue this art thing?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Cause, it’s just, I think, eh, Cate would be happier if she was with someone who was doing something productive.

'''Chris''': Yes, I…

'''Al''': Kind of like, getting into the art, maybe start up this comic thing again?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': Or maybe get a job and stuff like that?

'''Chris''': Yes. Yes I will.

'''Al''': Because when some people stay around the house too much, you know, it’s too much time to get, like you’ve got to get out and like, do you take walks?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Like sometimes, when I was living with my mother and my brother and stuff, I would go to work as a way to get away from them, you know?

'''Chris''': Right.

[PART 9 02:00]

'''Al''': Just have some stress-free time at work, so.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': But yeah.

'''Chris''': I understand.

===Attempt to escape===

'''Catherine''': [to Al] What time is it? We’d better go back to the mechanic’s before they close.

'''Chris''': It’s uh…

'''Al''': Yeah what time…?

'''Chris''': It’s ten after three.

'''Catherine''': Oh it’s ten after three, yeah they close at 4:30.

'''Al''': OK, well we’ll, we’ll wrap it up here in a few minutes, so…

'''Catherine''': Yeah. Because they’ve got, they’ve got my car, I gotta find out what’s wrong with it.

'''Al''': So Mr. Chand-…

'''Chris''': OK, OK yeah, so they got your car over there.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that’s why Al had to drive me.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Oh that’s OK. I can, I can…

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': Where, where, where, where was the mechan-, where, where is the garage then?

'''Catherine''': I’m not sure.

'''Al''': Uh, we don’t know the…you don’t know the street address? No, we don’t, you, we don’t have the street…

'''Catherine''': It’s, it’s in your GPS, I’m not sure…

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well, OK, well I’ll, I’ll just, I’ll follow y’all.

'''Catherine''': Well I’ve gotta go, he’s got…

'''Al''': It’s a pretty long way to the mechanic’s. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it’s, it’s near my place. You’ve gotta drop me off and then I, he’s gotta go back home for work. I’m sorry.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Mm. I’m really sorry.

'''Chris''': Um.

'''Catherine''': If I had my own car…

'''Al''': And this is, and the date here has dragged on a little longer than we thought.

'''Chris''': Well that’s OK, I mean, I like, I like, I like talking. Conversing.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Catherine''': OK. And I’ll see if I can make rye bread for you.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Two weeks?

'''Chris''': That’s on the thirteenth.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That’s two weeks from now, I’ll try and see if I can make sure that [?] walking dogs and uh…

'''Al''': Well you can always talk with Catie over Skype, right?

'''Chris''': Yeah that’s, that’s another thing, I, yeah, did wanna get her, I did wanna help her out by getting her set up with a, um…

'''Al''': Yeah now do you have like a webcam or is it just a audio microphone, or what?

'''Chris''': Uh…[apparently whips it out] I have an iPhone.

'''Al''': Oh, well you use Skype on an iPhone. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you can do that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’ve got it on my computer at home. But I’ve actually got a, a phone line. I’ve got unlimited text now. So.

'''Chris''': (surprised) Oh you did?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I got, I got an upgrade, so I’ve got unlimited texts now.

'''Chris''': Oh. Hm.

'''Catherine''': I can give you my number if you want it.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, give me your number.

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/listen/5u4tdussdod4ky1/CWC_Catie_Date_Complete.mp3 Download complete mp3!]

[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

List of places that have banned Chris

2015-05-16T16:01:15Z

CaptainOHH: /* Target */

[[Image:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|The weapon of choice.]]

Although he is a grown adult (at least physically), [[Chris]] is not above [[Chris and anger|throwing tantrums]] and generally being a nuisance in public places. Because of his obnoxious behavior, Chris has been either temporarily or permanently '''banned''' from many places.

==Shops==
===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}

According to [[Mimms]], Chris has been banned twice. The first time, which was temporary, was when Chris attempted to get something from the back without permission. [[Michael Snyder]] permabanned him on 28 August [[2008]], after Chris got confrontational with a small [[black]], but even this failed to keep Chris away from the store. Following the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris was definitively banned by court order from ever re-entering the store.

===Charlottesville Fashion Square===
{{main|Charlottesville Fashion Square}}

Chris was busted twice here, once for loitering and again for shouting in public. The second incident may or may not have been Chris's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shout upon learning [[Hanna]] was [[troll]]ing him. He was banned for a year, but the ban has since expired. On 28 [[April 2012]], it's revealed he was banned again, this time from arguing with trolls loudly on his phone.

===Wal-Mart===
{{main|Mal-Wart}}

Chris has been kicked out of Wal-Mart on at least four separate occasions. On 23 June [[2005]], the [[Niggos|African-American]] manager of the [[Charlottesville]] store's [[McDonald's]] (depicted as the [[B-Manajerk]] by Chris in the comics) attempted to have Chris arrested for loitering, but his own fast thinking and hiding his Attraction Sign (which got him in trouble in the first place) ended up with him removed from the restaurant for the rest of the day (or so he says). The actual banning came two days later, 25 June, when Chris returned and attempted to loiter again. Both managers for McDonald's and Wal-Mart confronted Chris, but Chris refused to listen to the managers, ran off and nearly ran ''over'' one of them. In late [[2009]], he returned to Wal-Mart, forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]].

Proving he learns nothing, Chris was again banned in September [[2013]], this time at the recent [[Ruckersville]] location, after vandalizing an Xbox One sign to read "[[HEXbox]] One," according to his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]]. In the ensuing Facebook posts, he blames almost everyone else but himself for the ban, including [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his defense attorney [[Rob Bell]]. A year later, Chris got thrown out of Wal-Mart yet again, after an employee recognized and confronted him. He eventually left, but not before threatening the employee with pepper spray. For reference, this came less than a week after he was arrested for [[26 December 2014|attacking an employee of another store with mace]].

===Target===
{{main|Get-Tar Region}}

On 20 July 2005 (almost a month after Chris's incident over at Wal-Mart), he attempted to loiter at a newly-built Target, intending on [[Obesity|exploiting their free soda refill deal]] while he tried to get boyfriend-free girls. According to [[Emily]], Chris was approached by management and asked to leave, but he refused. When the issue was pressed, he insulted them and forced them to call the cops. When they did, Chris tried to run, forcing them to tackle, hogtie and handcuff him. All this on the store's opening week!

===GameStop===
Chris had already been banned from the Fashion Square branch of local GameStop for his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] when, on [[26 December 2014]], he came [[Honor roll|"disguised"]] in a pair of [[My Little Pony]] [[Chris and fashion|novelty sunglasses]], supposedly intending to buy a new ''Skylanders'' figure and some second-hand Wii U games. However, the staff confronted him and were unmoved by his protests that he was there to actually buy stuff rather than vandalize their property. He eventually left, but not before assaulting one of the employees by spraying his can of pink mace at his shirt, [[Chris and the Law|a felony]]. As with the GAMe PLACe, the ban escalated to a full-blown restraining order, which was slapped on Chris as part of his bail conditions.

==Websites==

===deviantART===
{{main|deviantART}}

Chris has twice been banned from deviantART. Both times were for the same reason: sexual imagery without using the proper mature content filters. The first time was around [[May 2009]], most likely due to the imagery from [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]; the second was August 28, 2009, due to the infamous cameltoe scene in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and the sex scene between [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===YouTube===
{{main|YouTube}}
Chris abandoned many of his accounts after troll attacks. One of his accounts, CChanSonichu, was suspended because of [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting videos]] he posted in tandem on 10 [[July 2009]].

===Wikipedia===
{{main|Wikipedia}}

On 1 May 2009, Chris created an account on Wikipedia, hoping to show his side to his life story, one that wasn't "smeared" by trolls. It was deleted soon afterward for violating Wikipedia's policy on userpages and notability. When he attempted to contest this course of action, his user account was indefinitely blocked (although the blocking admin actually believed it to be a [[wikipedia:Sockpuppet (Internet)|sockpuppet]] of a troll and not the genuine article). As of now, the article name "Christian Weston Chandler" has been "salted" to prevent it from ever being recreated.

===Flipnote Hatena===
{{main|Flipnote Hatena}}

After uploading and re-uploading numerous flipnotes that violated the rules of the family-friendly Flipnote Hatena site, the moderators banned him permanently from uploading flipnotes on the 2nd of [[July 2010]]. Chris has since evaded his ban. Flipnote Studio 3D was later released in [[February 2015]] after Flipnote Hatena shut down on the 31st of [[May 2013]]. Only time will tell if Chris manages to get banned from that as well.

===eBay===
{{main|Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing}}

Chris has attempted to sell the [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing]] on [[eBay]] since [[June 2014|the first of June]]. Time and again, however, the listing for the picture was taken down, either as a result of [[Troll]] involvement, the listing expiring (the asking price of thousands of dollars not helping in that respect), or in true Chris fashion, breaking the terms of services on eBay by asking for offers on Facebook. This would culminate in a three-day ban from eBay on June 8th, 2014. Chris, being incapable of taking "no" for an answer, stated his intention to put the picture back up for sale again the minute the ban expires.

On June 12, Chris reposted the listing, only for eBay to give him ''another'' ban. When his second ban expired, he reposted a heavily-edited version of the posting, although still possible violating several of eBay's terms again. A third strike against Chris's tarnished eBay name is expected. Only time will tell if the world's largest online vendor will be added to the list of places that kicks Chris out and never lets him back in.

==Organizations==

===The Cub Scouts===

Chris stated in part 4 of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] that he was kicked out of the "[[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Wolf Cub Scouts]]" in the late [[1980s]] because he was autistic. Undoubtedly, it was for something he did that he didn't tell us about. His commentary suggested that he routinely angered his Den Mother with his illogical behavior and that he believed this to be the reason he is banned. In 2014, while on his [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|date]] with [[Catherine]], he elaborated that he was probably "being outbursting and loud for something," although he couldn't remember. In [[Mailbag 18#Instead the courts were on the side of justice|a Mailbag]], Chris revealed that his parents tried to sue the Boy Scouts of America over this incident.

===Piedmont Virginia Community College===
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

Two incidents occurred here. The first occurred on Chris's 21st [[birthday]], 24 February [[2003]]. Chris originally blamed the incident on him having an outburst when he was kicked out of a class after telling a male professor that he, like the main character in a story they were learning about, was autistic. According to [[Emily]], however, it turns out that he was kicked out because of his homophobic tendencies causing him to say something derogatory. In either case, Chris started his [[Love Quest]] this day.

The second incident occurred when, in mid-October [[2003]], Dean of Student Services [[Mary Lee Walsh]] spotted Chris and his [[Attraction Sign]] and took it away, criticizing Chris for his actions, as she believed he was trying to solicit sex on campus. When Walsh destroyed a second sign, Chris [[Chris and anger|raged]] and went on the offensive. This incident lead to her banning Chris for a year, forcing him to see a [[Autism papers|psychiatrist]] and go to anger management classes (neither of which seems to have helped).

===Grace Baptist Church===
{{main|Grace Baptist Church}}

Chris was banned from his old church in [[2008]]. He claimed in an email with [[lordsillynipples]], "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[ED]] page." Later, in [[Mailbag 14]], he claimed it was because "The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of [[Women's rights|women in bikinis]] on my [[Facebook]]; he was offended." Going by his frequent threats to use his new congregation as a personal army, it is not unlikely that Chris was booted out of the church when he linked his pastor to his ED page in the hope that Mr. Hartless would incite the congregation into raiding the ED page for Chris.

===Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church===
{{main|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church}}

A [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] leaked on 30 March 2013 revealed that some time between [[July 2011]] and [[March 2013]], Chris had earned himself a temporary ban from Wesley Methodist, probably because he had repeatedly (and annoyingly) aired his endless grievances about [[trolls]] during the homily.

{{quote|I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced.|Chris, on how his own church is now playing [[Kick the Autistic]]}}

{{Lists}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Talk:26 December 2014

2015-05-16T12:47:41Z

CaptainOHH: /* Renaming? */

== Uh, guys..... ==

What happens to the CWCki if Chris goes to prison? [[User:JCJ555|JCJ555]] ([[User talk:JCJ555|talk]]) 03:15, 4 January 2015 (UTC)

· My guess is that it'll go inactive for a while. Unless we can somehow get updates on Chris in prison. --[[User:RunawayTarantula|RunawayTarantula]] ([[User talk:RunawayTarantula|talk]]) 05:22, 26 April 2015 (UTC)

== Renaming? ==

In the interests of exaggeration and poetic embellishment, should we rename this event the "Boxing Day Strike"?
--Troll-chan Sonichu, 06/02/2015

. Nah. I think we should leave the name as the date to keep it consistent with [[28 October 2011]]. [[User:CaptainOHH|CaptainOHH]] ([[User talk:CaptainOHH|talk]]) 12:47, 16 May 2015 (UTC)

Chris and cameras

2015-05-13T16:27:40Z

CaptainOHH: /* Framing the shots */

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}
[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|You can totally make out Clyde's face.]]
[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he stinks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''camerawork''' of all kinds is rather abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or video work. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. Actually, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe... and as we've seen from what Chris has done to his [[PSEye]], "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in two ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several common sense ideas like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Something that should be remembered when considering the poor quality of the results is that Chris [[Brutal Legend|never even checks his videos]] before uploading them.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

== Framing the shots ==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or is putting shit way too close to the camera, so that you can't even tell what the fuck you're looking at most of the time. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of masterpieces like the [[Videobooks]] and [[Sonichu's Edge]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to weigh down such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

== Focus ==

Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]].

Chris's attempts at using manual focus, as evidenced in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), have resulted in some rather blurry shots.
{{-}}
== Lighting ==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]
Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put: If you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on''; human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct yellow tint. Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|White Balance]].

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also over-expose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

== Post-production ==
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|This is a well-done screenshot without any distractions going on.]]
As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software allows people to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|the infamous July 10th messages]] in which, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user whose name is written. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the PaRappa The Rapper contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris has a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holdin' Out For a Hero]] and [[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]. Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the Quick Time format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to Quick Time or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy, as these shows are potentially available in digital format. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

==Animation==

Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to video tape (and eventually the [[DVD]]) using [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]]. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop motion animations is fairly trivial with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence, not to even mention his lack of patience.

==Other photography failures==

[[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over- or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)#C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics.|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Chris and cameras

2015-05-13T16:23:34Z

CaptainOHH: /* Framing the shots */

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}
[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|You can totally make out Clyde's face.]]
[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he stinks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''camerawork''' of all kinds is rather abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or video work. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. Actually, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe... and as we've seen from what Chris has done to his [[PSEye]], "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in two ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several common sense ideas like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Something that should be remembered when considering the poor quality of the results is that Chris [[Brutal Legend|never even checks his videos]] before uploading them.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

== Framing the shots ==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or is putting shit way too close to the camera, so that you can't even tell what the fuck you're looking at most of the time. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of masterpieces like the [[Videobooks]] and [[Sonichu's Edge]]. Another shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to weigh down such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

== Focus ==

Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]].

Chris's attempts at using manual focus, as evidenced in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), have resulted in some rather blurry shots.
{{-}}
== Lighting ==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]
Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put: If you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on''; human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct yellow tint. Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|White Balance]].

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also over-expose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

== Post-production ==
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|This is a well-done screenshot without any distractions going on.]]
As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software allows people to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|the infamous July 10th messages]] in which, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user whose name is written. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the PaRappa The Rapper contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris has a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holdin' Out For a Hero]] and [[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]. Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the Quick Time format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to Quick Time or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy, as these shows are potentially available in digital format. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

==Animation==

Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to video tape (and eventually the [[DVD]]) using [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]]. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop motion animations is fairly trivial with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence, not to even mention his lack of patience.

==Other photography failures==

[[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over- or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)#C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics.|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Chris and race

2015-05-12T22:13:43Z

CaptainOHH: /* Asians */

[[Image: Niggocwc.jpg|thumb|200px|"[[Song_for_Jackie.MOV|I am not, nor would ever, making fun of any black people living, dead or fiction.]]"]]

It is believed by some that [[Chris]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his Southern [[USA|U.S.]] heritage. However, certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes.

His racism probably comes from several sources: his parental upbringing, television, [[Naïve|naivete]], and complete ignorance of everything that isn't him.

==Blacks==
[[File:Niggo.jpg|thumb|250px|His rationale for not being willing to date black women is that he's "Old Fashioned."]]
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional, towards black people in particular, hence his use of the words "nigger" and "niggos."

==Asians==

[[File:0419-ChristianIs17-14.jpg|thumb|Chris standing awkwardly next to some Asians]]

In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy Sonichu]] as a [[CWC Fighter|kung fu]] master with [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanty eyes]], raised in a dojo. When a fan criticized this stereotyping, Chris claimed that Punchy was "NOT of Asian origin."<ref>[[Mailbag 6]]</ref> Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung fu to Japan, when in actuality it comes from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> In a [[Katie Bay E-mails|leaked series of e-mails]], it is shown that Chris simply does not seem to know that China and Japan are not the same, as he calls the Japanese account Chinese, failing to realize that they are separate countries with different languages, writing systems and currencies.

In his real-life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. However, he also said that meeting her was like having a [[Sailor Moon|''Pretty Girl Sailor Moon'']] character leap out of his television; a real Asian woman probably wouldn't be pleased to be imagined as animu wank fodder. It is also possible that [[Autism|Chris's view of "white" is simply "a person who isn't black".]]

Chris also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin C. Kang (sp?) of Korean Hope Presbyterian Church of Richmond in the [[church audio]].<ref>[http://www.taxexemptworld.com/organizations/chesterfield-county-va-virginia.asp?spg=2]</ref>

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris presents us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Chéng Zhong'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of Native Americans are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "[[Cherokian]]" heritage with ''Sonichu'' lore. He depicts [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|Cherokee]] characters in his work as white-skinned and blue-eyed, and wearing Ancient Roman-style armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith, Jr|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The [[Wasabi Clan]] unsurprisingly also bear no resemblance to Native Americans.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous "Cheroki-Chan", a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water-washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a plastic gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. True Cherokee wore vests most of the time, and there is little evidence to suggest they owned muscle bras. They also notably did not go to war with toy guns, but instead with bows and arrows, which Chris [[I AM STRONG|lacks the strength]] to use.

In a Facebook post, Chris announced that the prostitute whom he hired to be his virgin-taker was part Cherokee, a fact from which he seemed to derive a disproportional amount of pleasure despite the vague implications of [[Crystal Weston Chandler|incest]]. <ref>[[:File:Virginbreaker.png]]</ref> It is almost certain that the prostitute mentioned this because Chris did first, believing she would be interested.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder!... JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}

Chris displays open antisemitic tendencies, many of which are believed by [[Trolls|Christorians]] to stem from his fondness for [[South Park]]. A similarly [[Obesity|fat]], [[Monthly tugboat|privileged]] manchild in the show displays similar tendencies, and given Chris's tendency to copy mannerisms and things from even [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|the shittiest things he's watched]], it's entirely possible that this is, in fact, the original source (Chris has shown before that he has never been able to comprehend the satire and pro-tolerance undertones of shows like ''South Park'' and ''Family Guy'', even using quotes from ''Family Guy'' in an attempt to justify his homophobia).

Regardless of where it comes from, Chris has a long history of veiled antisemitism. In "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]", Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has seven candles in it, while the traditional menorah used on Hanukkah IRL, called a ''Hanukkiah'', has nine) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles (especially single ones not on a Menorah) are super-important to Jews!

Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply ''asking'' if he's allergic, she just assumes it. Because Jews are sickly Melvins with many allergies, you see.

On 25 [[November 2009]], Chris was presented in the [[Mailbag]] with a drawing of a fan made Jewish Sonichu character named Harvey Bulbastein. The character had a large nose and seemed to show a liking for money, evident by him holding a bill in his hand and being the owner of the CWCville bank.<ref>[[Mailbag 3#Jewish stereotypes]]</ref> Chris thanked the mailer for sending him the drawing and said he would consider incorporating the character into his comics, suggesting that the anti-Semitic tone evident in the drawing went over Chris's head. On 18 [[February 2009]], while conversing with [[Julie]], Chris was asked by her to imitate a Jewish person. Chris decided to imitate [[wikipedia:Mort Goldman|Mort Goldman]],<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5#Geography, Father Talk (00:05:55)]]</ref> a stereotypical Jewish character from [[Family Guy]].

Near the beginning of Chris's [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish (although "Snyder" is a very common German last name, meaning "to cut"), using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-minds|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[Greene County Conspiracy|100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

If Chris's antisemitism was veiled before, it becomes extremely apparent in an email he sent to [[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Katie Bay while impersonating Samantha Thaddeus]]. While talking about Michael Snyder, he refers to him as a "son of a bitch Jew" and a "pigheaded, stubborn Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[File:455-EspanolicAndVegaton.JPG|thumb|left|Espanolic and Vegaton, the only [[Pokémon]] lazier than [[Snorlax]].]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on the [[Spanish]] language, Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a Grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized [[Wikipedia:Sombrero|sombrero]] in front of what appears to be the flag of [[Wikipedia:Bolivia|Bolivia]] or [[Wikipedia:Ghana|Ghana]], and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "[[Wikipedia:Spanish fly|Spanish Fly]]", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which, despite being obvious stereotypes, were handled far more tactfully than Chris could hope to do.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the [[Homos|lesbian]] nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that oftentimes, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for people actually from Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from the USA as "English").

Chris has shown in the past a willingness to [[Joshua Martinez|befriend]] and [[Lori Lopez|date]] Hispanics.

==Other "white" ethnicities/cultures==
Chris has not shown outright malevolence towards other white cultures, but is often offensively ignorant of their customs and nations. In [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], Chris plays an Irish song while wearing a kilt and pretending to be Scottish, then mentions a [[Wikipedia:shillelagh|shillelagh]]. His interactions with [[PandaHalo]] revealed that he knew almost literally nothing about Australia or Australians, climactically thinking Panda had died in the [[Wikipedia:Black_Saturday_bushfires|Black Saturday fires]] which happened almost a thousand kilometres from where she claimed to live. He holds the bizarre notion that [[Leonard Bearstein]] misinterpreted his name because he was British (certainly told to him by his parents, as he was too young to think that way).

[[Julie]] claimed to be from a [[Molvania|fictional country]] in Eastern Europe, as did her brother [[Max]]. Chris hardly asked any questions about this non-existent country, nor did he (or Bob) question the fact that both Julie and Max spoke with American accents. There are of course many other relevant cultures and ethnicities, but owing to Chris's total failure to understand abstract descriptions of places he hasn't been to physically, he is either unaware of or indifferent to their existence.

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob intimidating the trolls.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern [[United States of America|United States]] before the civil rights movement and [[Prank_calls#Call_Bobby_Chandler|has claimed to have acquaintances in the Ku Klux Klan activity growing up]], perhaps he had some racial prejudices that were passed on to Chris. In a [[Prank_calls#Call_Bobby_Chandler|2010 prank call]], Bob said ''"I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it."'' Of course, he was being constantly bothered at by prank callers, and may have just made comments to intimidate them into stop calling him. Chris claims he got a [[Barack Obama|slightly racist joke]] from Bob.

[[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] has not been publically observed to hold racist opinions, but, as with so many subjects, seems to have done nothing to correct Chris's opinions about it, meaning she is at least guilty of being passive about racism. It is possible that she may have some prejudices not revealed to the public - the Michael Snyder anti-Jew paranoia, for instance, was very unlikely to have been abstractly contrived by Chris, and Barb was an enthused participant.

Both Bob and Barb seem to have ludicrous hillbillyish ideas about foreign cultures, such as believing and telling Chris that Leonard Bearstein misinterpreted his name because he was English (even though Christopher is an English name), and Bob being unfazed by a [[Julie|purported Eastern European]] speaking English fluently with an American accent. In the same vein, they have both expressed [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|anti-LGBT sentiments]], a prejudice usually accompanied by racism. Also, Chris himself is very racist, and he frankly had to learn it from somewhere.

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides Southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical [[Adult Swim]] cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in ''Sonichu'' with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy Sonichu|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic. Chris most likely has no idea what kind of rituals took place in Native American culture. If he did, he would know that some tribes slit their [[duck|cocks]] to [[Chris and religion|please their gods]].

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews.|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}

{{quote|Blacks...are good people too.|Chris, in the [[Song_for_Jackie.MOV|disclaimer for his Mr. Popo video]]}}

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville "they can even vote", but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]], he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" (except the ones being black).

Realistically, Chris's racism doesn't stem from white supremacy, or anything cerebral - it's simply a phobia of people and cultures he doesn't understand. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]], so Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
{{Tinyquote|1=Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?|2=[[Lars Call|Lars]]}}
{{Tinyquote|2=Chris, [[Wikipedia:Code-switching|code-switching]] in solidarity with the niggas|I'm yo nigga.}}

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|image]] leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris had evolved into some sort of post-racial autistic, they should be aware that he ended [[Sonichu Day]] by calling Tito a "nigger" in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included [[Jack Thaddeus]] removing his ads from CWCipedia and [[Mao]] taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) He later performed [[Song for Jackie.MOV|a song in ''blackface'']] for his sweetheart [[Jackie]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in ''Sonichu''==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good, never seen)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (<s>Paleface</s> Native American, lawful good)
*[[Wes Iseli#Wasabi Rival|Wasabi Rival]] (<s>Caucasian</s> Native American, evil)
*[[Sarah Nicole Hammer#Queen of the Cherokian Clan|Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] - (Native American, good, probably the whitest of all Native American characters in the comics as she's not only blue eyed but also blonde)
*[[Manajerks#B-Manajerk|B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Manajerks#Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)|Turdijerk]] (Indian?, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST police officers)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, good, never seen)
*[[List of Sonichu characters#Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist)|Bill Schwartz]] (possibly Jewish, worked for [[Giovanni]] but later on changed sides)
*[[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|Ching Chong]] (Asian, appeared in the [[Wedding Comic]] as a flower girl)
*PHI Spring Break reporter (Black, appears in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]) - despite only appearing in one panel, Chris manages to make her into a stereotype, addressing the audience as "Sistas and brothas."

In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sources==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Rainbow

2015-05-10T23:21:04Z

CaptainOHH: /* Trolling and comic retcons */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0Rainbow1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris' TRUE and HONEST rainbow]]
[[Image:Supernumerary_rainbow_03_contrast.jpg‎ |thumb|right|A FAKE and DECEPTIVE rainbow.]]
A '''rainbow''' is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky. Rainbows are also an international symbol of homosexuality and LGBT rights. Unfortunately, Chris didn't know this when he wrote them into the comic, leading to hilarious results.

For Chris, a rainbow is both an important part of the plot of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]] and a lazy metaphor to represent something happy, amazing or pleasant. Rainbows played an important role in the history of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. [[Trolls]] got good payoff by exploiting both Chris's [[naive|naivete]] and his intense fear of becoming a [[homo]].

Several years later, Chris became a lesbian transgender, and to his relief was able to unapologetically bring the rainbow back into his life.

==Chris and Rainbows==
Chris has a long history of incorporating rainbows into his artwork. A few of his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] are rainbow themed, such as [[:image:SnwsonC.jpg|Snowboarding Sonichu]], [[:image:365-Supreon.jpg|Supreon]] and [[:image:377-TurboRainbow.jpg|Turbo Rainbow]]. His Pokémon [[:File:333-Vegaton.jpg|Vegaton]] is described as being capable of creating rainbows. In 2005 he created a rainbow star featuring himself and Sonichu for the top of his Christmas tree. He has admired the fact that his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] includes an image of a rainbow.

However, in addition to not knowing that rainbows are used by [[Homos|"da homos"]], Chris has utterly failed when trying to replicate them. Apparently, Chris was never taught the simple concept of ROY G BIV, which gives the exact order of colors in the light spectrum from left to right. As such, Chris repeatedly mixed up the colors of the rainbow. This demonstrates two things: firstly, that Chris was too lazy to find a reference of a real rainbow when drawing the comic; and secondly, that [[Naive| Chris knows nothing about how rainbows are formed]].

Like [[GodJesus]], Chris sometimes offers people "rainbows of promise" as a [[Chris and remorse|half-assed apology]] for things he has done wrong. For example, he offered [[Megan Schroeder]] a "rainbow of promise" while corresponding with her after the [[shecameforCWC.JPG]] incident. Thankfully, Megan saw right through his shitty apology and cut him out of her life. In another example, following fan backlash against the hardcore sex scene depicted in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris removed or censored the pages containing genitalia from the site, and issued a "rainbow of promise" to not post any more sexual imagery. Chris drew love scenes between [[Black Sonichu]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] in the very next issue. These serve as examples of not only his insincerity, but also his disturbing insinuation that [[Chris and religion#Delusions of Godhood?|he is divine]].

==In the Comic==
[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|left|TRUE and HONEST Chaos Rainbow ''shit eggs''.]]
[[Image:0Rainbow2.jpg|thumb|right|Feels Good Man]]
A rainbow effect is created when [[Pikachu]] strikes [[Sonic]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. This energy also arcs across the sky, striking a female Raichu some fifteen miles away, and transforming her into a [[Rosechu|hideous hag beast]]. The irony of Chris's most prized creation coming from a rainbow, a long-time symbol of homosexuality, was lost on him.

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris revealed that the Rainbow had also spit out five eggs which landed in various locations around the world. Hence, the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Chris should be feeling pretty gay right about now. Sonichu would soon discover other Sonichus and Rosechus which were created by the Rainbow. So basically, most of the Sonichu characters came from a rainbow. The various Sonichus and Rosechus represent every color of the rainbow, although this may be a coincidence, as there's so damn many of them that Chris has no choice but to use every possible color to tell them apart.

In addition to the eggs, Chris established that "mysterious beams of light also shone from the rainbow", but declined to elaborate; this might be Chris's way of giving himself an out for adding more Sonichus and Rosechus, like Silvana.

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] lives on Rainbow Island.

==Trolling and comic [[retroactive continuity|retcons]]==
[[File:RainbowChrisBeforeAfter.jpg|300px|right]]
Given that one of the trolls' favorite games was calling Chris gay, it was only a matter of time before they would use the rainbows as ammunition. [[Jimmy Hill]], a troll-illionaire who managed to make billions of dollars from the [[Sonichu]] franchise by turning the main character into an LGBT icon in late 2008, made a point of incorporating rainbow imagery into his original creations. Even worse, in January 2009, Chris learned that the internet forum [[Gay 4 Sonichu]] was using his comic to promote homosexual deviance. He exploded in outrage at their appropriation of the rainbow. "I do not understand why the f*** the gays decided to use Rainbows as their symbol; that's like asking Hitler why he used the Swastika (which originally was a Lucky Symbol) for his whole mess."<ref>[[Common Questions#22 February 2010]]</ref>

Thus, reluctantly, Chris went on a campaign to remove and/or alter all homosexual symbology, including rainbows. Most notably, the infamous "Rainbow Chris" image from [[Sub-Episode 2]] was changed to a background of the gates of Heaven, which implies an [[Chris and death|arguably worse outcome]].

{{-}}

==The rainbow returns==
[[File:ChrisFB14Aug2014-2.jpg|thumb|left|Who are you and what have you done with Chris Chandler??]]
[[File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|thumb|right|Rainbow Chrissy.]]
For a long time, Chris sulked about the homos' misappropriation of one of his favorite symbols. Then, in [[August 2014]], he suddenly realized that he himself was a member of the L(g)BT community. He announced this to his [[Facebook]] family by posting a picture of himself holding a rainbow flag. Since then, he has been unashamed to festoon himself with rainbows and all manner of girly imagery, especially that related to [[My Little Pony]] and the Equestria Girls spin-off. However, given his hopeless confusion about gender and his hypocritical hatred of the homos, it's anyone's guess how long this rainbow renaissance will last.

{{-}}

==See also==
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[Chaos Emeralds]]
*[[Sonichu Balls]]
*[[Homos]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://gay4sonichu.yuku.com/ Gay4Sonichu]--'''DOWN'''
*[http://psmission.webs.com/ Pride Sonichu Mission]--'''DOWN'''
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Rainbow

2015-05-10T23:20:46Z

CaptainOHH: /* Trolling and comic retcons */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0Rainbow1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris' TRUE and HONEST rainbow]]
[[Image:Supernumerary_rainbow_03_contrast.jpg‎ |thumb|right|A FAKE and DECEPTIVE rainbow.]]
A '''rainbow''' is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky. Rainbows are also an international symbol of homosexuality and LGBT rights. Unfortunately, Chris didn't know this when he wrote them into the comic, leading to hilarious results.

For Chris, a rainbow is both an important part of the plot of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]] and a lazy metaphor to represent something happy, amazing or pleasant. Rainbows played an important role in the history of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. [[Trolls]] got good payoff by exploiting both Chris's [[naive|naivete]] and his intense fear of becoming a [[homo]].

Several years later, Chris became a lesbian transgender, and to his relief was able to unapologetically bring the rainbow back into his life.

==Chris and Rainbows==
Chris has a long history of incorporating rainbows into his artwork. A few of his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] are rainbow themed, such as [[:image:SnwsonC.jpg|Snowboarding Sonichu]], [[:image:365-Supreon.jpg|Supreon]] and [[:image:377-TurboRainbow.jpg|Turbo Rainbow]]. His Pokémon [[:File:333-Vegaton.jpg|Vegaton]] is described as being capable of creating rainbows. In 2005 he created a rainbow star featuring himself and Sonichu for the top of his Christmas tree. He has admired the fact that his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] includes an image of a rainbow.

However, in addition to not knowing that rainbows are used by [[Homos|"da homos"]], Chris has utterly failed when trying to replicate them. Apparently, Chris was never taught the simple concept of ROY G BIV, which gives the exact order of colors in the light spectrum from left to right. As such, Chris repeatedly mixed up the colors of the rainbow. This demonstrates two things: firstly, that Chris was too lazy to find a reference of a real rainbow when drawing the comic; and secondly, that [[Naive| Chris knows nothing about how rainbows are formed]].

Like [[GodJesus]], Chris sometimes offers people "rainbows of promise" as a [[Chris and remorse|half-assed apology]] for things he has done wrong. For example, he offered [[Megan Schroeder]] a "rainbow of promise" while corresponding with her after the [[shecameforCWC.JPG]] incident. Thankfully, Megan saw right through his shitty apology and cut him out of her life. In another example, following fan backlash against the hardcore sex scene depicted in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris removed or censored the pages containing genitalia from the site, and issued a "rainbow of promise" to not post any more sexual imagery. Chris drew love scenes between [[Black Sonichu]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] in the very next issue. These serve as examples of not only his insincerity, but also his disturbing insinuation that [[Chris and religion#Delusions of Godhood?|he is divine]].

==In the Comic==
[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|left|TRUE and HONEST Chaos Rainbow ''shit eggs''.]]
[[Image:0Rainbow2.jpg|thumb|right|Feels Good Man]]
A rainbow effect is created when [[Pikachu]] strikes [[Sonic]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. This energy also arcs across the sky, striking a female Raichu some fifteen miles away, and transforming her into a [[Rosechu|hideous hag beast]]. The irony of Chris's most prized creation coming from a rainbow, a long-time symbol of homosexuality, was lost on him.

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris revealed that the Rainbow had also spit out five eggs which landed in various locations around the world. Hence, the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Chris should be feeling pretty gay right about now. Sonichu would soon discover other Sonichus and Rosechus which were created by the Rainbow. So basically, most of the Sonichu characters came from a rainbow. The various Sonichus and Rosechus represent every color of the rainbow, although this may be a coincidence, as there's so damn many of them that Chris has no choice but to use every possible color to tell them apart.

In addition to the eggs, Chris established that "mysterious beams of light also shone from the rainbow", but declined to elaborate; this might be Chris's way of giving himself an out for adding more Sonichus and Rosechus, like Silvana.

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] lives on Rainbow Island.

==Trolling and comic [[retroactive continuity|retcons]]==
[[File:RainbowChrisBeforeAfter.jpg|300px|right]]
Given that one of the trolls' favorite games was calling Chris gay, it was only a matter of time before they would use the rainbows as ammunition. [[Jimmy Hill]], a troll-illionaire who managed to make billions of dollars from the [[Sonichu]] franchise by turning the main character into an LGBT icon in late 2008, made a point of incorporating rainbow imagery into his original creations. Even worse, in January 2009, Chris learned that the internet forum [[Gay 4 Sonichu]] was using his comic to promote homosexual deviance. He exploded in outrage at their appropriation of the rainbow. "I do not understand why the f*** the gays decided to use Rainbows as their symbol; that's like asking Hitler why he used the Swastika (which originally was a Lucky Symbol) for his whole mess."<ref>[[Common Questions#22 February 2010]]</ref>

Thus, reluctantly, Chris went on a campaign to remove and/or alter all homosexual symbology, including rainbows. Most notably, the infamous "Rainbow Chris" image from [[Sub-Episode 2]] was changed to a background of the gates of Heaven, which implies an [Chris and death|[arguably worse outcome]].

{{-}}

==The rainbow returns==
[[File:ChrisFB14Aug2014-2.jpg|thumb|left|Who are you and what have you done with Chris Chandler??]]
[[File:RainbowChrissy.JPG|thumb|right|Rainbow Chrissy.]]
For a long time, Chris sulked about the homos' misappropriation of one of his favorite symbols. Then, in [[August 2014]], he suddenly realized that he himself was a member of the L(g)BT community. He announced this to his [[Facebook]] family by posting a picture of himself holding a rainbow flag. Since then, he has been unashamed to festoon himself with rainbows and all manner of girly imagery, especially that related to [[My Little Pony]] and the Equestria Girls spin-off. However, given his hopeless confusion about gender and his hypocritical hatred of the homos, it's anyone's guess how long this rainbow renaissance will last.

{{-}}

==See also==
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[Chaos Emeralds]]
*[[Sonichu Balls]]
*[[Homos]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://gay4sonichu.yuku.com/ Gay4Sonichu]--'''DOWN'''
*[http://psmission.webs.com/ Pride Sonichu Mission]--'''DOWN'''
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

26 December 2014

2015-05-09T16:18:50Z

CaptainOHH: /* Subsequent court hearings */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was an infamous day in Chris's life, and the most action-packed since he [[Graduation|graduated]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Michael Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available as proof to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking at least 2 separate laws in 1 visit to his local GameStop outlet.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) although Chris himself claimed it was because he'd seen some ''Skylanders'' shit he wanted and therefore [[Chris and reality|unilaterally decided that his ban didn't apply because he was there to buy something]]. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses intended for little girls]] (something that even bronies wouldn't wear) as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, although it's unlikely, given that he wasn't charged with vandalism or anything similar. Either way, he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the Assistant Manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]", as Chris would later call him) James Herring, who was later confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close, although Mr Herring left soon after Chris.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for 2 days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that Herring will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. Chris is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape, or at least that they recognize that Chris [[Chris and psychology|isn't all there]]. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying Herring (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether or not it can be proved Herring was "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Mike did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Mike magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, not to mention he avoided any serious community service, and Kiwi Farms users, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of Chris's previous misadventure are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015.

True to this prediction, the hearing on 7 May resulted in another continuance, until 11 June, although the hearing reportedly lasted longer than the one on 2 April.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1431012950495&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> Chris was also seen at [[McDonalds]] before attending, again.

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of his misadventures. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in hot water if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying Herring wasn't Chris misinterpreting the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed Herring on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| "What a mess I've made, when it all went wrong..."
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

26 December 2014

2015-05-08T01:21:44Z

CaptainOHH: /* Subsequent court hearings */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|[[Chris]]'s justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' is a now-infamous--and probably the busiest--day in Chris's life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], it's essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a video game store]], this time with pepper spray<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Michael Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available as proof to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking at least 2 separate laws in 1 visit to his local GameStop outlet.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) although Chris himself claimed it was because he'd seen some ''Skylanders'' shit he wanted and therefore [[Chris and reality|unilaterally decided that his ban didn't apply because he was there to buy something]]. Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses intended for little girls]] (something that even bronies wouldn't wear) as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, although it's unlikely, given that he wasn't charged with vandalism or anything similar. Either way, he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the Assistant Manager (or "[[CWCism|Ass Manager]]", as Chris would later call him) James Herring, who was later confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close, although Mr Herring left soon after Chris.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for 2 days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that Herring will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. Chris is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape, or at least that they recognize that Chris [[Chris and psychology|isn't all there]]. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying Herring (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether or not it can be proved Herring was "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Mike did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Mike magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, not to mention he avoided any serious community service, and Kiwi Farms users, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of Chris's previous misadventure are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015. However, Christorians with legal knowledge have commented that he is unlikely to be granted any more continuances, meaning any hearings from now on are probably going to be the real thing, rather than Chris just walking in and out.

The 7 May hearing ended with Chris being granted another continuance to 11 June.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1431012950495&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref>

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of his misadventures. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in hot water if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying Herring wasn't Chris misinterpreting the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed Herring on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| "What a mess I've made, when it all went wrong..."
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''James''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

2015

2015-05-07T00:35:24Z

CaptainOHH: /* April */

[[File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2015 with [[Son-Chu]].]]
{{Ongoing}}
'''2015''' is the seventh year of organized trolling since [[Chris]]'s discovery. Coming full circle with the unfortunate incident of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] burning down, [[2014|last year]], Chris announced that the renovations on it were finished, and that he would be moving back in. However, this bit of good news is completely tarnished by what had transpired mere days before the turn of the new year: [[26 December 2014|due to the events]] of [[December 2014]], Chris could potentially be spending most of this year in prison, a threat that loomed over his head [[28 October 2011|once before]]. However, unlike last time, Chris neither has a [[This is how the Trial went|decent attorney]] nor a ''[[Chris and the Law|(mostly)]]'' clean slate to fall back on, which makes the outlook of this year fairly grim.

==Events of 2015==
*Chris could be serving time in prison [[26 December 2014|due to his recent incarceration]] and the January [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] incident, depending on the outcome of his trial on [[May 2015|7 May]].
*Sometime during the course of year, Chris will have been married to [[Lovely Weather]] and participated in a medical study to cure [[Homos|homosexuality]], as predicted in [[Sonichu 10]]. With the year slowly creeping in and little sign of [[Chris and reality|this actually happening]], it's safe to say that Chris's expectations of the future may have lead him on a bit too much.
*This is also the year that Chris claimed [[Bob Chandler|his father]] would die, having heard it from the Grim Reaper in a prophetic [[Dreams|dream]].
*This was also supposed to be the year of the [[Manchester High School]] 15th annual reunion which he had worked so hard on in [[2013]] until he found out his [[gal pal|gal-pals]] had been hired help. It is unknown whether it will be held or whether Chris will care.

==January==
{{main|January 2015}}
*As of [[December 2014]], Chris had also announced that he would be moving back to the recently renovated [[14 Branchland Court]], possibly within the course of the month or early January.

==February==
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|Chris in February 2015.]]
{{main|February 2015}}
*Chris revealed that he did the album art for noise band L'Eclipse Nue. His hearing took place on the 5th, and was continued until April. He sold more [[medallion]]s on [[eBay]] and [[Birthday|turned 33]].

==March==
{{main|March 2015}}
*Chris has released a list of celebrities he'd like to party with and became spectacularly gullible when a fake document was sent to him stating that Sega will recall all Sonic merchandise to give him blue arms permanently.

==April==
[[File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|thumb|Chris at [[McDonald's]] in April 2015.]]
{{main|April 2015}}
*Chris' latest hearing took place on April 2.

==May==
{{main|May 2015}}
*Chris's next hearing will take place on 7 May.

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

2015

2015-05-07T00:33:34Z

CaptainOHH: /* Events of 2015 */

[[File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2015 with [[Son-Chu]].]]
{{Ongoing}}
'''2015''' is the seventh year of organized trolling since [[Chris]]'s discovery. Coming full circle with the unfortunate incident of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] burning down, [[2014|last year]], Chris announced that the renovations on it were finished, and that he would be moving back in. However, this bit of good news is completely tarnished by what had transpired mere days before the turn of the new year: [[26 December 2014|due to the events]] of [[December 2014]], Chris could potentially be spending most of this year in prison, a threat that loomed over his head [[28 October 2011|once before]]. However, unlike last time, Chris neither has a [[This is how the Trial went|decent attorney]] nor a ''[[Chris and the Law|(mostly)]]'' clean slate to fall back on, which makes the outlook of this year fairly grim.

==Events of 2015==
*Chris could be serving time in prison [[26 December 2014|due to his recent incarceration]] and the January [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] incident, depending on the outcome of his trial on [[May 2015|7 May]].
*Sometime during the course of year, Chris will have been married to [[Lovely Weather]] and participated in a medical study to cure [[Homos|homosexuality]], as predicted in [[Sonichu 10]]. With the year slowly creeping in and little sign of [[Chris and reality|this actually happening]], it's safe to say that Chris's expectations of the future may have lead him on a bit too much.
*This is also the year that Chris claimed [[Bob Chandler|his father]] would die, having heard it from the Grim Reaper in a prophetic [[Dreams|dream]].
*This was also supposed to be the year of the [[Manchester High School]] 15th annual reunion which he had worked so hard on in [[2013]] until he found out his [[gal pal|gal-pals]] had been hired help. It is unknown whether it will be held or whether Chris will care.

==January==
{{main|January 2015}}
*As of [[December 2014]], Chris had also announced that he would be moving back to the recently renovated [[14 Branchland Court]], possibly within the course of the month or early January.

==February==
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|Chris in February 2015.]]
{{main|February 2015}}
*Chris revealed that he did the album art for noise band L'Eclipse Nue. His hearing took place on the 5th, and was continued until April. He sold more [[medallion]]s on [[eBay]] and [[Birthday|turned 33]].

==March==
{{main|March 2015}}
*Chris has released a list of celebrities he'd like to party with and became spectacularly gullible when a fake document was sent to him stating that Sega will recall all Sonic merchandise to give him blue arms permanently.

==April==
[[File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|thumb|Chris at [[McDonald's]] in April 2015.]]
{{main|April 2015}}
*Chris' latest hearing took place on April 2.

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

Sweetheart

2015-04-18T02:47:16Z

CaptainOHH: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (side-quest complete), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[14 Branchland Court|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material. In short, Chris's chances of attracting a sweetheart are slim to none.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Sweetheart

2015-04-18T02:35:56Z

CaptainOHH: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (side-quest complete), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[14 Branchland Court|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be proficient [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|skills]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

==Conclusion==
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him, not realizing that he himself leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being boyfriend material. In short, Chris's chances of attracting a sweetheart are slim to none.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2015-04-07T15:20:14Z

CaptainOHH: /* Other people with mental disabilities */

{{quote|You're all just immature, naive, condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[Autism|autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[Chris and his ego|ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his thirties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== Work ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J.K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

===Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or [[White knights|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

=== Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Re:_Coming_out_to_my_parents]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu]] complaining about fan fiction.<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Facebook#Mimms]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even to the time of this writing, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

=== Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
{{quote|He sets me on fire!|Chris<ref>Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke</ref>}}
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

===Women===
{{quote|Well-Informed to Expert in sex|Chris's standard for a woman he would date.<ref>[[Early_Facebook_Posts#What_I_am_looking_for_in_a_woman]]</ref>}}
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

===Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

=== Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Even though Chris, since [[Bob]]'s death, has not uploaded any videos, he still uses the internet, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

===Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>Kacey Call 1</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

===Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]
{{quote| I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face.|Chris, complaining about homosexuals on a [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|forum for cross dressers]].<ref>Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia</ref>}}
When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat." He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people--during his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile," adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===

In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games--naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and money

2015-04-06T15:40:28Z

CaptainOHH: /* September */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Cwcshutup.png|thumb|Chris's response to literally any commercial.]]
{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]], understating it.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

Chris has repeatedly shown though his actions and words that he has no idea how to handle '''money''' or manage his own finances. Between his impulse spending, [[Chris and his Ego|his greed and selfishness]], his unwillingness to save even the smallest amount of money, and his massive sense of entitlement, Chris manages to demonstrate complete incompetence and ineptitude in managing financial affairs. Chris has repeatedly amassed debt on credit cards, only to have his enabling parents bail him out multiple times. [[Monthly tugboat|Too lazy to work]], he refuses to make or follow any type of budget or financial plan, instead spending far beyond his means, and expecting others to pay off his accumulated debt for him. It is clear that [[Autism|Chris has no idea what financial responsibility is]] and that his enabling, delusional parents taught him nothing about how to handle finances while he was growing up. Irresponsible, careless, and thoughtless, Chris fails at just about every aspect of financial management that can be thought of.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed!==

For the vast majority of Chris's "adult" life, his only source of income has been the "[[tugboat]]" that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month. In 2009, this payout was $809 a month, placing his annual income at $9,708. Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board;<ref name="Miyamoto" /> this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after [[Bob]] paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. Yet with my impuslive [sic] shoppiness [sic] (mostly controable [sic]), I end up spending my side-money after I get it.|Chris, [[Chris and His Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].<ref name="Miyamoto">[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref>}}

===Impulse Spending===

It's obvious that [[Chris]] has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on things like [[The Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], weekly lottery tickets<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 12]]</ref>, and, more recently, [[alcohol]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|make-up]], [[Lego|toys]] and prostitutes. Also, in ''Sonichu'', while legislating as mayor of [[CWCville]], he equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer.<ref name="Miyamoto" /> His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' single [[PlayStation 3]] game that he's ever purchased, and even for ''games he doesn't own'', and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely costs about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores. Usually, children are taught the value of money at a very young age - not in Chris's case, apparently.

===Parental Enabling===

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] encouraged his son to remain unemployed, since he believed that Chris would earn more money from his monthly tugboat than he would have from getting a job. However, this assumption was and is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: that's $15,100 annually. Subtracting the money he pays his mom every month to live , as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000, which knowing Chris, would spent on yet more frivolities. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulled in annually from the government after paying off his parents, and it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement came from either thinking Chris would lose his social security if employed (which he wouldn't) or the more accurate notion that his son is a useless failure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his parents are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they managed to make sure that Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending (or for anything else) by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[List of restaurants|fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on [[List of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and useless stuff, as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|courses that could eventually help him onto the employment ladder]] or [[Chris and fashion|clothing that isn't unbelievably tacky]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that he [[Target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

===Chris's Beliefs===

Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit, he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever]]</ref> This is a [[Honor roll|damningly moronic statement]], since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with ''federal'' payroll tax. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Chris and his Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond. His mother has served as a bad influence in both regards, as she would frequently shop at Goodwill and compulsively hoard the purchases, which both wasted money and helped turn their house into a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire hazard]].

===Losing his Tugboat?===

With the possibility that he might have ended up in jail over the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris's bad spending habits would have come back to haunt him. In jail, he wouldn't be able to collect his [[monthly tugboat]], and if a full year passed without him collecting his cheques, he would have to reapply for his welfare, something that would be a bit more difficult under the Obama administration, which doesn't look too kindly on social security due to the stress it causes to the overall economy,<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/24/us/politics/financial-outlook-dims-for-social-security.html]</ref> and has even started measures to cut them down altogether.<ref>[http://finance.yahoo.com/news/u-winds-down-longer-benefits-152809517.html]</ref> That, combined with the costs associated with court appearances as well as the fact that the last surviving breadwinner, Barbara, may have also landed in jail, would have resulted in Chris being placed in very dire circumstances, something which [[Kacey|several]] [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|have]] [[Mumble 4|tried]] and [[PlayStation Vita|failed]] to warn him about. Fortunately for him, he wasn't sentenced to jail, but the fact that he openly stated during his trial that his mother would pay his court fees is telling of both [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|his character]] and his financial situation.

However, it seems that even this has not given Chris pause, as he got himself into legal trouble [[26 December 2014|again]]. Since he is both a repeat offender and financially drained after his last court hearing, it seems very unlikely that Chris will get off with a slap on the wrist this time, which means that he is once again in danger of losing his tugboat.

===Recent Years===

It is worth noting that despite all of the circumstances ''(and expenses)'' described above, Chris is still wasting money on video games, as evidenced by his playing of ''Rock Band Blitz'' on the PSN, which was released in August 2012, pretty much cementing that even when faced with the consequences of bad spending habits, Chris [[Autism|will learn absolutely nothing.]] He has also spent gigantic amounts of money on [[Lego]] as of 2014, despite the dire straits his family's finances are in since the destruction of 14BC.

In September [[2013]], Chris complained about he and his mom going through "emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By",<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref> making it clear that the family income had dipped since Bob's passing. However, these supposedly lean times were apparently not enough to motivate Chris to get a job, or even to stop buying games, as evidenced by him racking up over $1000 in game purchases over that time period.

In January [[2014]], [[Destruction Of Chris's House|14 Branchland Court burnt down]]. This would undoubtedly place the Chandlers in grim circumstances, due to the costs of rebuilding the home and replacing what was lost. Many, concerned about Chris due to his wasteful spending habits, hoped that this would be the moment in Chris's life where he finally woke up and realized the importance of saving when things like this happen. Unfortunately, not even ''this'' has given Chris pause - he apparently purchased ''The Lego Movie Video Game'' for his PlayStation 3 in February ''(however, it should be noted that due to a huge inflow of troll remorse, it's entirely possible that the game was a donation....or at least it was until it was [[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour|confirmed that he did indeed buy it himself]].)'' At this point, only time will tell.

In the months that followed, Chris has resorted to begging online for money, placing extra emphasis on ''"My mother and I really need the money,"'' despite dropping more than '''five thousand dollars''' on expensive [[Lego]] sets to feed his worsening addiction. One would think that Chris would have wisened up to the fact that his wanton spending and lack of gainful employment are contributing to his woes, [[May_2014 Facebook Posts|but one glance at his May 2014 posts]] could easily tell you that he's seeing his situation as an avenue to get stuff from people ''(the most ridiculous of which being a "[[Lego|$300 Sea Cow]]" on his wish list, which would not benefit anybody but himself in the slightest.)'' He has also attempted to sell [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing|an original art piece of his]] on eBay ''(logical, though sorely [[Chris and art|misguided]]).''

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games ''(racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years[[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/]]; a list which includes useless shovelware, hoards of 1st party Nintendo software, virtual console games and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he doesn't even like.]] 276 of these purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles(''buying '''4''' DSs and DSi consoles''), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind 39% of purchases Chris has on his account are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high number. This information comes on the heels of Chris begging people for money to fix his mother's cavities, as well as the financial worries that [[26 December 2014|his upcoming trial]] will undoubtedly cause.

==Credit cards==
That Chris has managed to acquire several credit cards is very surprising, but the foolishness with which he uses them wouldn't surprise anybody at all. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By that point, Chris's debt had gotten so out of hand that [[Bob Chandler]] was forced to step in, making Chris reduce and manage on his spending, and forcing Chris to make regular payments to pay off his outstanding debt. Chris, thoughtless and uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the [[monthly tugboat]] in compensation. This foolish act of parental financial enabling allowed Chris to avoid the immediate consequences of his gross financial irresponsibility, and resulted in Chris learning nothing about how to manage his own finances, reinforcing Chris's attitude that [[Chris and his ego|he should be able to do anything that he wants and not suffer any negative consequences]].

=== Best Buy Mastercard ===

Not surprisingly, it only took Chris a few short months to land himself in more financial trouble. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had predictably used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, delusional and in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claimed that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from any of the near-destitute Chandlers is unknown.

Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point. Bob probably salvaged Chris's credit rating when he paid off all his prior card debt at once, but he angrily claimed Chris ruined it with the Best Buy debt (certainly true), and, in disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seemed to use this damning information to try to make Chris's latest brush with the [[Chris and the Law|law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* [[Troll]]s achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme, just by chance, happened to hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him, mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there, and then he blamed his debt on trolls, in another transparent attempt to avoid responsibility.

===Revelations to Jackie===

One of Chris's [[Jackie E-mails 7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission; he only told them about it after receiving two bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to repay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. From that point until Bob's death, he received only an allowance in the form of Visa gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt for a short time. At the time, the prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie E-mails 8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with [[Jackie]], Chris claimed that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to Bob were the work of trolls. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he was just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes. Considering Bob shared many of Chris's outrageous delusions regarding troll activity, it is difficult to know whether or not he believed Chris's dubious excuse.

After Bob's passing, Chris once again resumed his thoughtless spending, completely disregarding and forsaking any hopes that his late father had had of Chris becoming financially responsible or independent. Chris's acquisition of the [[PlayStation Vita]] and over 600 dollars worth of video games for that system were proof that Chris had regained control of his money after Bob's death and resumed tossing it away like it was nothing.

==2014==
===June===

Unverified information on Chris's credit card debt was leaked on the CWCki Forums on June 4th, 2014. It was revealed that Chris had at least five active credit cards, with at least $7600 in combined credit limit. Of the five known active cards, at least four were revealed to be maxed out, with at least $7400 in unpaid debt between the five cards. It was estimated that the minimum payment on Chris's known debt was at least $220 a month, and it was revealed that the only reason that Chris had been able to obtain the credit that he had was that, historically, he had almost always at least paid the minimum payment each month, although it was implied that he rarely if ever paid more than the minimum.<ref>[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/chris-and-his-finances-an-in-depth-review-of-his-debt.3809/ CWCki Forums: "Chris and his finances: An in-depth review of his debt"] ([https://archive.today/K6R2c archived version])</ref>

Given the Chandlers' financial situation as of June 2014, with most of Chris's tugboat going to help pay essential household expenses, it seems very unlikely that Chris has the financial resources to even pay off a small portion of his known debt, straining to make the monthly minimums each month. In response to his looming debt, instead of seeking financial consulting or trying to get a paying job, [[Chris and his Ego|Chris demanded massive monetary donations on Facebook]], and sought exorbitant prices for his [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing|crude artwork]] that he was selling on eBay.

===September===
Throughout the summer of 2014, Chris continued to spend thousands of dollars on [[Lego]] and other frivolities, all while whining and complaining on Facebook about his and his mother's poor finances. Chris financed this spending primarily with money from selling custom arts and crafts on his eBay account. Offering free shipping to customers, Chris would receive money from customers, and then pay for shipping out of his own pocket. However, Chris would immediately spend money as soon as it was deposited into his account, often leaving him unable to ship products to customers who had already paid him because of his own financial irresponsibility and negligence.

When several of Chris's eBay customers filed complaints against him because Chris failed to ship a order as promised and obligated, Chris responded by harassing and trolling the customers, posting their personal information in a public post on his Facebook account. In light of this, Chris's future money making prospects from eBay are dim, as most prospective future customers probably wouldn't want to risk being harassed or scammed by Chris.

All the while, even as Chris's credit card debt continued to spiral out of control, Chris continued to buy thousands of dollars of video games, Lego, and other frivolities. As if this were not bad enough, just days after putting his and Barb's cars up for sale, (at exorbitant prices) Chris went out and bought a 2010 Ford Focus, stating on Facebook that he had been approved for a loan, probably at a high interest rate.

Chris also stated that paying for insurance on his new car was "killing" him, implying that either the insurance payment was costly, that he was having trouble paying it, or both. It was commonly speculated on the [[CWCki Forums]] that Chris and his mother would be unable to afford to keep the car and that it would be repossessed in the near future.

Chris placed two cars for sale on Craigslist in September 2014. One was a dilapidated, rusty 1997 Cadillac with a cracked engine block that hadn't run in over a year. Despite having a market value (as scrap) of approximately $150, Chris demanded $5,000 for the automobile, insisting that the cracked engine block made the car a great [[Chris and reality|"fixer upper."]] Chris also placed his mother's BMW Z3 for sale, demanding $15,000 for a car that had a book value of approximately $3,000.

Throughout 2014, Chris continued his foolish behaviors of maxing out all his available credit, paying only the minimums on all his loans/debts, immediately spending money as soon as he got it, and making large, impulse purchases on unrealistic assumptions of future sales and income from various sources. (eBay, car sales, etc) Evidently, even after years of financial hardship, being burdened with debt, and paying a cumulative total of thousands of dollars in interest, Chris has apparently learned nothing about handling his personal finances, and refuses to try to live within the means provided to him by his monthly tugboat.

One dreads to imagine how his financial incompetence will affect him once Barb is dead - knowing Chris, and while it is quite tragic, he'll probably continue in his destructive spending patterns until he loses everything he has, and even then, he'll [[Ego|learn nothing]].

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[United States of America|American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, ''à la'' [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]]; states, let alone cities, cannot print their own money, despite holding considerable power over their own affairs. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. Granted, states have historically issued their own money - when they were colonies and during difficult times, such as the Revolutionary War. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class, missed out on this information.

On the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu, Chris wrote that [[Rosechu]] is usually the one who cooks for her family, but when Sonichu cooks for his wife and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|kids]] he "will go as HIGH in portions as a Banquet", even though he only cooks for five individuals.<ref name=>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Married Life and Children Sonichu]</ref> This suggest that Sonichu is just as frivolous with money as his father.

===Soup hotels===

Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#This still implies that CWCville has a massive homeless problem]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

==In other works==

In [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris loses his mind|Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp, pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating education|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s.

In real life, according to Chris, he tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him according to him.

In late [[October 2011]], Chris posted a Craigslist ad for a 12-year old 32" CRT television and expected a non-negotiable $250 for it;<ref>[[Craigslist#Television]]</ref> in reality, this is about the price of a new flatscreen HDTV of that size, and he would be lucky to get a tenth of his asking price.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping. This is paralleled by his real life situation - with [[Bob]] gone, one would assume that he'd be the "man of the house" and assume some responsibility for once. Unfortunately, as evidenced by his [[This is how the Trial went|admission in court,]] Barb is still pulling his ass out of any such concept by paying his court fees. Keep in mind that, by extension, Chris is being minded by an ailing woman's retirement money which was used to bail him out of a mess that ''he'' started, while he wastes his own money on meaningless frivolities.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, ''à-la'' the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

== Conclusion ==

Given Chris's carefree abandon when it comes to his spending habits, many are actually concerned as to what will happen to Chris when Barb passes on and he has to fend for himself. If past (and present) experiences are any indication, it's that if Chris continues on his path of not saving his money and spending it on frivolous crap that he doesn't need, he'll wind up broke and in severe debt. A [[Mumble_4|past conversation]] with [[Clyde Cash]] revealed that he doesn't even know the basic expenses that go into running a household, and we all know how Chris's plan of [[PlayingHouse|marrying a sweetheart to dump all of the financial responsibilities on her]] will [[Sweetheart#Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?|turn out.]]

Long story short, if Chris doesn't start saving for his future now, then when Barb finally passes on, he won't have one to look forward to. And he'll have nobody to blame but himself. ''(Not that he won't try, of course.)''

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}