CWCki - User contributions [en]

Punchy Sonichu

2018-11-29T12:08:59Z

Caravaggio:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology#1989|2 February 1989]] (in universe)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Punchy on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Punchy was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7"<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref> (122 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe (adoptive father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| CWCville University ([[Dating Education]])<ref>See the events of [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]]</ref>
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Fighting
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]], formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is thought to be a [[Chris and race|racist]] Asian stereotype due to his [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes]] and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]]. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> Even though both Knuckles and Pokemon were created in Japan, and he was raised in a Dojo.

However, the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks (even more) like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]] knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest, dreadlocks and clawed punching gloves, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of four characters:

*[[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and the ([[Chris and race|possibly unintentional]]) racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but he has not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him -- much to the anticipation of no-one. This in contrast to [[Wild Sonichu]], who has done so several times.<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_3/Page_3|Issue 3, Page 3}}</ref><ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_9/Page_6|Issue 9, Page 6}}</ref>

Despite Punchy being said to be freakishly strong and fierce, his power is barely seen in the comic, being reduced to just a poor comic relief, which is also the same fate Knuckles seems to have faced in recent years.

He later returned to prominence when the [[Idea Guys]] convinced Chris that Punchy had been [[December 2017 Facebook posts|molested]] by [[DJ Jamsta]].
==Comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a [[Wikipedia:Dojo|Dōjō]], more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, presumably killing her. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref> Things apparently got a lot bleaker after that: according to the [[CWCipedia]] article for Sonichu (of all things), Chris explains that Master Nabe was brutally murdered by an envious student and that Punchy avenged his tutor by killing the assassin himself. Punchy then buried both of them behind the school... and continued to live there. Disturbingly, Punchy's main concern at the exact same time was getting Chris to turn the electricity back on at the Dojo so he could watch television.

Hevsy hat he keeps [[Chris and anger|temper]] down by "[[Family Guy|watching]] [[South Park|TV]] [[I Love Lucy|comedies]]", which Chris has also tried doing. As of lately, it has [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|not]] [[Death threats|been]] [[Chris and anger|successful]].

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|''Totarry'' not Asian.]]

While Punchy punches rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board and jam in it, which causes Punchy to hitch a ride. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her over-sized breasts. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. After this, he vengefully participates in the violent assault of Blake, even though it was an accident.
===[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here, because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy (sympathetically for the reader) thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start babbling about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous children. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is (cementing his place in the hearts of trollkind).

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move (which happens to be a trait of Knuckles, as [[SEGA]] has said a few times he is shy around girls). Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This thrills Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. Despite [[Chris and Writing|the entire premise of his attendance]] being notionally to ask out Angelica, the teacher pairs him up with [[Layla]] and he totally forgets about Angelica and makes no mention of her. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], which he has all of a sudden, he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest joint in CWCville - [[McDonald's]]. While he feeds Layla a french fry, [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. So he mopes outside the joint. Lucky for the Sneasel, Angelica just happens to show up, Punchy failing to even notice his past crush is right outside.

===[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (presumably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago.

== Ruv Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, perhaps thinking the Catholic Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. He would have been wrong, though; Angelica spread her legs without a moment's hesitation for Reginald Sneasel.

While Punchy was portrayed as a typical hapless shy suitor completely befuddled on how to approach the opposite sex (i.e. Chris-chan, Wild, Sonichu, etc.) Punchy deviates from the norm by being the only non-[[jerk]] male to make the first move in approaching a lady in the series once he sees an opening. By being willing to change himself and his methods, keeping his options open, remaining optimistic about his chances of seducing someone, being relaxed when talking to a potential partner of the opposite sex, and improvising when things didn't quite go his way, the author ''once again'' inadvertently wrote a scathing indictment on the haplessness of his own [[Love Quest]].

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

This relationship comes to an end in [[Sonichu 11]], when Layla leaves him, fed up with [[Bananasauros]]'s antics. She then sleeps with Reginald almost immediaetly after the breakup, implying neither Reginald or Layla actually cared about their significant others, which leaves Punchy and Angelica the only members of the Chaotic Combo without Heartsweets. Perhaps Chris will go back to his original idea of pairing them together?

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon|Poketto Monsuta]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yuugiou]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
File:Lego Punchy.jpg|[[LEGO]] Punchy.
File:PunchyA.jpg|Punchy [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Hyperdimension Neptunia

2018-07-20T10:36:00Z

Caravaggio: Piping

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|I have had to [[Chris and reality|personally astral project and share my power]] with Christine there.|Chris, on battling invading forces from a video game.}}

[[Image:Neptunia.jpg|thumb|250px|Cover of the first game]]

'''Hyperdimension Neptunia''' is a series of role-playing video games created and developed by Idea Factory. Games within the series takes place in the world of Gamindustri (a pun on "gaming industry"), which is divided into four regions/nations, with each representing a specific video game console. Chris became a fan in late 2017, [[Idea_Guy#Hyperdimension_Neptunia|being introduced to it by Idea Guy]] and having watched the anime based on it.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Gamindustri.27s_world_and_goddesses_need_your_help</ref>

Interestingly enough, it is extremely unlikely that he would retain any interest in playing the actual ''Neptunia'' games, despite his statements to the contrary. Most of the games in the series are turn-based RPGs with large amounts of visual novel-style cutscenes, and thus wouldn't suit [[Video_games#What_Chris_plays|Chris' taste for childish "casual" games.]]

It appears he has now forgotten it's existence.

==Invasion of CWCville==
{{see also|Operation BARBarossa}}

In early [[November 2017]], Chris pleaded with his Facebook followers to share their "Love And Shares With Neptune, Vert, Noire and Blanc, and help stop the wars that warrent [''sic''] in between!" A few days later, Chris explained that enemy forces from Gamindustri had invaded [[CWCville]]<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Gamindustri.27s_enemies_attack_CWCville</ref>-
he explains that the only way to keep the enemies at bay is to play the Hyperdimension Neptunia video games and watch the accompanying anime.

{{quotebox|I just want to remind everyone to, please, give your Shares Of kind thoughts to the Goddesses of Gamindustri. They really do help us and our reality! 🌸}}

On 14 November 2017, he posted that [[Silvana]] had been captured by a Russian billionaire and that the only way she could be returned safely was with the aid of a soldier based on the Remove Kebab meme and by people praying to the Goddesses of Gamindustri, a quartet of fictional deitys. He called his plan [[Operation BARBarossa]]<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Silvana_is_captured</ref>.

In another bizarre plan of action, the same day, he uploaded a video called "[[Freestyle Dance With Me, For Our World!]]" In it, he dons a tinfoil hat (so THE MAN[''sic''] can't take over his mind) and dances awkwardly to polka music, claiming the video was for Gamindustri and all the other worlds and dimensions.

On 15 November, Chris posted that Operation BARBarossa was a success, seeing Silvana's return. He claimed to have lost some soldiers, but kept the enemy back with the help of the CWC Defense Army Division, his [[Transformers|Autobots]], and his family. He also signed a peace treaty with [[Count Graduon]], obtaining his troops and services, along with a large piece of land just outside Cwcville. Chris apparently used the land to create prison camps, complete with [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_concentration_camps large ovens to keep the prisoners warm and showers]. He claimed that the battle was won because of people praying to the Gamindustri goddesses<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Operation_BARBarossa_is_a_success</ref>.

==Body-sharing with Uzume Tennouboshi==
[[File:Uzume.png|thumb|200px|Uzume as she appears in the series]]

{{quote|Miss Uzume Tennouboshi. She had been dormant inside my Dreamcast, and I pulled her out. We've been sharing my body since. Yes, she is able to control my body when she has control, and speak through my lips in her voice.|Chris, on being possessed by a fictional character.}}

Uzume Tennouboshi, also known as Orange Heart, is a Console Patron Unit (CPU) in ''Megadimension Neptunia VII''. She represents the Sega Dreamcast.

On 8 November, Chris wrote a lengthy missive<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Sharing_my_body_with_a_video_game_character</ref> on the "ongoing" events in his real life, alongside Cwcville. According to him, [[Magi-chan]] teleported to the real world and scanned Chris's Sega Dreamcast, saying there was a powerful force inside the console. Chris left the console on for 24 hours to "charge" it, and then touched it, getting shocked, and somehow pulling out a fictional character into his body. Chris claims Uzume can control his body and speak through him with her own voice.

On 13 November, he retconed his delusion, saying that he had not been sharing his body with Uzume, but a clone of her named "Orange Spiral Seal," also mentioning a battle against "Kurome." He no longer has the voice of Uzume in his head, but still retains "the powers of the four main Goddesses, as well as [his] own powers."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Mistaken_about_being_linked_with_Uzume</ref>. A fan of the Hyperdimension games deciphered Chris's autistic textwall:

{{quoteboxyellow|According to the lore of Megadimension VII, Uzume Tennouboshi and Kurome Ankokuboshi are two halves of the same being. In the case, the personification of the Sega Dreamcast, with the former represent its potential and the latter its failure.

In the best ending of MDM VII, Kurome is defeated, and Uzume manages to reabsorb Kurome into herself, while the former as the dominant of the two, thus preventing further damage to reality by the latter and rendering them one gestalt being like they were before the split in the backstory.

Chris has apparently read up on this and has rendered his own butchered, bastardized retelling, only tacking on some other nonsense to tie it into his real life insanity.

According to ACTUAL canon, this changes jack shit aside from the fact Uzume's Hyde counterpart to her Jekyll is no longer running around doing evil shit, but that's IT.

The rest is just Chris going further off the deep end.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-chan-neptunia-headcanon-q-a-thread.36274/page-6#post-2764377</ref>}}

==Battery-Charge Heart==
{{quote|Originally Chris created this CPU to restore Christianity to his town, but I told him goddesses can’t worship other gods. Now he uses her to end the rioting and war in CWCville.|Idea Guy<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>}}

[[File:Battery-Charge Heart intro.jpg|thumb|200px]]
Battery-Charge Heart; CPU of CWCville, Virginia, aka Tank Destroyer, was created by Chris in response to pressure from [[Idea Guy]] describing the nightmarish state of [[CWCville]]. She made her debut on 11 December via a Facebook post<ref>[[December 2017 Facebook posts#Introducing Battery-Charge Heart]]</ref>. Fans were quick to point out how she is scantly clad and how it would be tough to fight in the outfit (notice how short the skirt is) - even a Twitter white knight talked about being disappointed in Chris for making the "strong female" have this appearance.
This originally uploaded image of Battery-Charge Heart appears to include the bottom corner of the holographic [[Card Games|'Sabrina' Pokémon trainer card from the 'Gym Challenge' set]], though the significance of this inclusion is unlikely to extend beyond being a visual symptom of Chris' compulsive [[Chris's room|hoarding of random crap]].

Her armor has [[Ego|Chris's initials]] on it.

Her arsenal includes:

* An exploding [[S-Chu Ball]] launcher
* A shield made from "the best heavy-duty lightweight allow ''[sic]''" , which can withstand 10,000 pounds of pressure
* Heavy-duty lightning blade, summoned from her subspace dimension, which can withstand one-million-plus pounds of force and cut through 100 tons of metal.

Note how the shield is a hundred times ''weaker'' than the sword at protection.

Her powers:

* Being able to rip a tank in half with her hands
* Being able to lift five tanks at once
* Wings which paralyze others on physical contact

Much like with [[Night Star]]'s array of vast mental powers, Battery-Charge Heart's repertoire of incredible physical abilities marks her as yet another wish-fulfillment power fantasy for Chris, who could [[Chris Loses It|barely rip cardboard in half]] and [[11042009 51 50|struggled with lifting 10-pound boxes of soda for bicep curls]].

She is heavily based on Wonder Woman. Her name is based on Battery-Charge Blue, a color by Crayola, which is Chris favorite<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref> Considering that no original video game consoles are produced in CWCville, it is unclear which Battery-Charge Heart is supposed to represent. Could this be a new form of Chris in the comics..?

==Scarlet==
{{quote|These are Notes about Scarlet, the Console Patron Unit of the Commodore Consoles, and what we will need to do as soon as possible, rather or not y’all believe me. This shit is real.|Chris<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/1012757858310639616</ref>}}

[[File:Scarlet Commodore CPU.jpg|thumb|200px|Her name is Scarlet, yet her color theme is blue.]]

Chris unveiled another CPU, this one representing the [[Commodore 64]], in June 2018. He followed up by posting screenshots of text messages between him and another person on Facebook, which detailed notes on Scarlet<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-6-29-18-chris-warns-this-shit-is-real.44905/page-3#post-3512939</ref> He also urged his followers to draw her and pray<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/1012757781240217601</ref>.

On 2 July, Chris liked some fanart of her and responded by posting Scarlet's backstory:

{{quotebox|This is a good start. I will tell all of you more of what I know about Scarlet/Blue Heart CPU of Commodore Consoles and the Nation of Comma tomorrow. Meantime, everyone, Please show support for her return by drawing her in artistic styles as best as possible.

For starters, though, Scarlet had lived thousands of years, as long as most other CPUs, ruling over her Nation of Comma in Gamindustri. She is a very kind-hearted and compassionate individual. She always listened well to her people. She was also fair and just, and well-skilled.

These were the days also when the Nation of Tari had not yet fallen. Scarlet and Rei Ryghts used to be good friends. Then Tari fell, and we all know how much of a horrible woman Ryghts ended up becoming after. Comma did not fall until 1992, it landed in an empty area in West Virginia. As the Commodore computers were fading in support in this world, people of Comma left and entered the Nation with other religious viewpoints, and the shares were dropping. Scarlet passed on in illness in 1994, worsened by the fading sharicite.

Scarlet moved her soul and memories into a destined Commodore 64 Console in this world, waiting to be absorbed and reawakened in her new host body. The person has taken in and accepted Scarlet’s memories within the past few weeks. No need to look for her; she differs in physical appearance, but still in as fair of shape as Scarlet was. She will show up soon to help us all when possibly Rei Ryghts makes her attack in this world, or possibly someone else. All we know of who the new CPU Blue Heart is, is that she is a woman who had and still owned a Commodore 64 Console in functional condition. Scarlet is to be supported by everyone, if you all would please, in kindness. I know all this, because I have the psychic-link to our sister dimension, as a Lot of other people in this world do as well.

That is all for now. Thank you all for your support for Scarlet, as well as for me, and for my fellow artists, creators, chroniclers around this world. ⚡️❤️🧡💚💚💙💜💖⚡️}}

Whether this is Chris's imagination running wild or the Idea Guy returning for another round is yet to be seen.

{{clear}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Hyperdimension_Neptunia_invades_CWCville1.jpg|Featuring [[Count Graduon]], [[Discord]], [[Night Star]], [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and Uzume.
Hyperdimension Neptunia invades CWCville2.jpg|CWC Defense
Chris depicts reality and fiction blending.jpg|Chris depicting the events leading up to sharing his body with Uzume.
Neptuniatwitter.png
File:MAGfest stuff2.jpg|Chris modifies his [[Medallion]] to include a Share Crystal.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan works==

<center><gallery>
File:Battery-Charge Heart fanart.png|How Battery-Charge Heart would look if Chris was good at drawing.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Ballad of Chris-chan and Uzume Tennouboshi
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4TIUWhCKca0}}
| maker = MadcrazeTV
| stardate = 13 [[November 2017]]
}}

{{clear}}

==Sources==
<references/>

Cryzel Torture

2018-07-17T14:42:58Z

Caravaggio:

{{Honest}}
'''Cryzel Torture''' is a chatlog released by [[Null]] on July 13, 2018. It shows both the extent of [[Idea Guy]]'s hold on Chris, and how he has way too much free time.

Highlights include Josh refusing to let Chris incorporate elements from [https://https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JoJo%27s_Bizarre_Adventure JoJo's Bizarre Adventure], despite the majority of his characters being young looking girls from anime, and several instances when Chris left the chat for nearly an hour, yet Idea Guy was there for a response almost immediately when he returned. Also present was Josh's co-conspirator Stephen Boyd, who goes under the screen name "shikiboobzzzz."

==The whole text==
18/04/20 14:53:06 <Christine> Good Morning, y'all. I've just did my warmups. Sadly, my phone seems to be having bad battery troubles; even while plugged in, it lost all of its charge, and I was using an off-brand charging cable, while connected to the USB port on my iHome dock. Now, I have it directly plugged into power with an official Apple charging cable; I'm waiting for it to fully recharge now. Just another Great Way to Start a Day! Ugh!

18/04/20 14:54:04 <shikiboobzzzz> Aww!

18/04/20 14:54:32 <Joshua Wise> I have an even greater one.

18/04/20 14:55:13 <Joshua Wise> We found Pennywise the clown in Cwcville’s sewers today, and it’s been 30 years since it’s last adventure.

18/04/20 17:11:15 <Joshua Wise> I have returned.-Death

18/04/20 19:05:53 <Christine> Hey, Y’all. I took my phone to Batteries Plus first; they replaced the battery and it’s working good again. It was
definitely a less expensive option versus the new phone. I definitely can’t give y’all more money until next month. Thank you. Oh! Also, I have
something to share with Pitohui. Please, excuse me for a moment.

18/04/20 19:06:21 <Joshua Wise> What?-Death

18/04/20 19:08:05 <Christine> Just a couple of fresh photos from earlier today in my new outfit she told me to go buy.

18/04/20 19:08:14 <Christine> outfit1.png [[File:outfit1.png|300px]]

18/04/20 19:08:20 <Christine> outfit2.png

18/04/20 19:08:44 <Christine> There: green sweater and light grey slacks.

18/04/20 19:08:54 <Joshua Wise> Yo-Pitohui

18/04/20 19:09:11 <Joshua Wise> Don't wear the newspaperboy cap or the medallion in that outfit.

18/04/20 19:09:37 <Joshua Wise> Plus, die your hair blonde and talk endlessly about Cosmopolitans and Italy when you wear that outfit.

18/04/20 19:09:57 <Joshua Wise> Also, get angry whenever someone brings up Watermelons.

18/04/20 19:10:45 <Christine> Anyway, I just wanted to visually confirm for you my outfit acquisition. I am going to the gym now. I will check in
again later. Thank you.

18/04/20 19:11:04 <Joshua Wise> How long till they ban you from there too?

18/04/20 19:12:51 <Christine> Hopefully Never Ever. I am going to be on better behavior and acknowledging of their rules and regulations. Bye.

18/04/20 19:13:05 <Joshua Wise> Bullshit.

18/04/20 19:13:11 <Joshua Wise> You said that about the end.

18/04/20 19:13:21 <Joshua Wise> You got kicked and nobody stuck up for you.

18/04/20 19:14:01 <Joshua Wise> I wonder who will throw your ass to the curb here? The patrons lifting weights, Or the Cops?

18/04/20 20:17:32 <Christine> Regardless of your sarcasms, I am realizing the bouncy flaw of the fat breast lies upon my chest; they aware proving to
be very distracting while I am moving on the elliptical. I have come to a new and permanent decision: I WILL draw myself flat-chested again from now
on, and I WILL go back to the sports bra to keep them pressed in and in place.

18/04/20 20:19:01 <Joshua Wise> That's from years of refusing to exercise properly. You grew fat on your chest that won't go away even if you did lose
the weight, and now you're stuck with those globs of nasty for life.

18/04/20 20:19:09 <Joshua Wise> And by the way?

18/04/20 20:19:55 <Joshua Wise> Don't ever tell me your tits are bigger than mine. At least mine are real, where as yours were man tits even before
you decided to insult the female gender even further by attempting to become one of us.

18/04/20 20:29:13 <shikiboobzzzz> Cute!

18/04/20 20:54:28 <Stephen Boyd> those are called man boobs chris.

18/04/20 20:54:30 <Stephen Boyd> moobs.

18/04/20 22:40:14 <Joshua Wise> I have returned from killing a bunch of Rosechus at the mall!

18/04/20 22:40:14 <Joshua Wise> Pitohui8.png

18/04/20 22:49:35 <Joshua Wise> They all tried to hold guns to me, but they kept teacupping or wound up with shooter's thumb! Apparently recoil is a
new word to them too, since none of them knew trying to fire certain guns one-handed was a bad idea.

18/04/20 22:50:30 <Joshua Wise> Rosechu actually broke her arm trying to fire a Remington 870 one-handed at me.

18/04/20 23:18:45 <Christine> A Fire-Type Sonichu?

18/04/20 23:20:29 <Christine> The only two of the Specials of my people that are Fire types, that I am aware of are Sarachu (a Rosechu) and Wes-Li
Sonichu. Is this one really a new discovery for our list of Specials?

18/04/20 23:30:31 <Joshua Wise> Yup

18/04/20 23:30:39 <Joshua Wise> Also Rosechu is dead.

18/04/20 23:30:48 <Stephen Boyd> Wow.

18/04/20 23:30:57 <Stephen Boyd> Look at the smoldering flames.

18/04/20 23:31:09 <Stephen Boyd> I’m gonna go see a movie.

18/04/20 23:31:14 <Stephen Boyd> Later Pito

18/04/20 23:31:22 <Stephen Boyd> And fatass get to exercising.

18/04/20 23:31:25 <Christine> Can we put those flames out?

18/04/20 23:31:29 <Christine> I already did

18/04/20 23:31:29 <Joshua Wise> Nah

18/04/20 23:31:34 <Stephen Boyd> Is she gone? -Jesus

18/04/20 23:31:47 <Joshua Wise> CWCville disbanded the fire department for crack money.

18/04/20 23:32:03 <Stephen Boyd> Why are the Sonichus addicts Christian?

18/04/20 23:32:12 <Stephen Boyd> Answer your lord

18/04/20 23:32:56 <Joshua Wise> Hey Jesus

18/04/20 23:33:27 <Joshua Wise> Chris was telling me earlier how much he wants to be inflated like a balloon via air pump in the ass.

18/04/20 23:33:36 <Christine> I did not

18/04/20 23:33:50 <Christine> Pitohui, Stop taking lies about me.

18/04/20 23:34:29 <Joshua Wise> He also said he wanted to steal more money from *real* disabled people.

18/04/20 23:34:37 <Christine> I Did Not!

18/04/20 23:34:42 <Joshua Wise> Finally

18/04/20 23:34:58 <Christine> Shut Up!

18/04/20 23:35:06 <Joshua Wise> He humbly requested that a cattle prod be stuck up his mom’s cunt.

18/04/20 23:35:41 <Christine> You offensive sick, lying creep, Pitohui!

18/04/20 23:35:53 <Joshua Wise> You said it, not me~

18/04/20 23:36:01 <Christine> I Never did.

18/04/20 23:36:11 <Christine> You are putting words into my mouth.

18/04/20 23:36:17 <Christine> Stop Doing That.

18/04/20 23:36:28 <Joshua Wise> I don’t need to.

18/04/20 23:36:34 <Joshua Wise> You already said it~

18/04/20 23:36:52 <Christine> I Never said Any of those things.

18/04/20 23:37:33 <Christine> Why don’t you go play some NES Duck Hunt, and let that dog laugh at you?

18/04/20 23:37:45 <Christine> *groan*

18/04/20 23:37:50 <Joshua Wise> That’s an insult?

18/04/20 23:38:05 <Joshua Wise> I’m actually great at Duck Hunt.

18/04/20 23:38:27 <Christine> I just want you to Shut Up and stop making up crap against me in front of Jesus Christ.

18/04/20 23:38:33 <Joshua Wise> I don’t have tard reflexes or rolls of fat weighing down my arms.

18/04/20 23:38:54 <Christine> Pitohui, I Loathe You.

18/04/20 23:39:12 <Joshua Wise> Nah man, say a real fucking insult.

18/04/20 23:39:21 <Christine> Okay.

18/04/20 23:39:26 <Joshua Wise> None of this pretentious shit.

18/04/20 23:39:29 <Christine> Pitohui, I Love You.

18/04/20 23:39:42 <Joshua Wise> A real insult you creep.

18/04/20 23:40:20 <Christine> Ugh.

18/04/20 23:40:40 <Christine> Anyway, Jesus, I am really not sure. And until a few months ago, I had not even heard of Wild Sonichu’s meth lab. If I
had to guess, I’d say it probably stemmed from my ADD and my other past non-drug addictions.

18/04/20 23:41:05 <Joshua Wise> Don’t change the subject, porky.

18/04/20 23:41:17 <Christine> I was answering Jesus’ question.

18/04/20 23:41:29 <Joshua Wise> Whatever

18/04/20 23:41:38 <Joshua Wise> I see your mom.

18/04/20 23:42:04 <Joshua Wise> *Flicks the selector off Safety*

18/04/20 23:42:14 <Christine> You know I Will run right upstairs.

18/04/20 23:42:22 <Joshua Wise> Go ahead.

18/04/20 23:42:36 <Joshua Wise> 7.62 will just tear through your fat

18/04/20 23:42:46 <Christine> I Need Her Alive.

18/04/20 23:42:51 <Joshua Wise> Okay.

18/04/20 23:42:57 <Christine> Until After I am moved out.

18/04/20 23:43:04 <Joshua Wise> *Shoots Cryzel’s leg instead*

18/04/20 23:43:45 <Christine> And I did take the first step on that by taking with my friends about helping me find the new place to move to.

18/04/20 23:43:52 <Christine> You Fucking Monster!

18/04/20 23:44:02 <Joshua Wise> Ahaahaahaahaaaaa

18/04/20 23:44:19 <Joshua Wise> Good luck running again.

18/04/20 23:44:19 <Christine> Cryzel!

18/04/20 23:44:26 <Christine> Ugh!

18/04/20 23:44:32 <Joshua Wise> She’s fine.

18/04/20 23:44:41 <Joshua Wise> I just blew her kneecap off.

18/04/20 23:44:57 <Christine> You SHOT Her in the leg, you Insatiable C-Word.

18/04/20 23:45:08 <Joshua Wise> C-word? Be a man.

18/04/20 23:45:20 <Joshua Wise> *Blows her other kneecap off*

18/04/20 23:45:38 <Christine> Pitohui, You CUNT!!!

18/04/20 23:45:50 <Joshua Wise> There we go~!

18/04/20 23:45:57 <Joshua Wise> And guess what?

18/04/20 23:46:04 <Joshua Wise> Mine is the real thing~

18/04/20 23:46:35 <Joshua Wise> Yours is just gonna be one in looks, but no womb~

18/04/20 23:47:56 <Christine> YOU FUCKING DAMNED CUNT, PITOHUI! YOU HEAL MY WIFE’S LEGS, RIGHT FUCKING NOW, OR I GO ON COMPLIMENTING YOUR DAMNED
BEAUTIFUL BODY AGAIN WITH GREATEST KINDNESS THAT WILL SICKEN YOU TO NO FREAKING ENDS!!!

18/04/20 23:48:17 <Joshua Wise> Go ahead fatty

18/04/20 23:48:38 <Joshua Wise> Unlike you, I have a nice body~

18/04/20 23:50:04 <Joshua Wise> How much soy sauce did you have to guzzle to get the figure of a single obese cat lady?

18/04/20 23:50:20 <Joshua Wise> Besides,

18/04/20 23:50:31 <Joshua Wise> I’m late to pool with LLEN!

18/04/20 23:50:44 <Joshua Wise> Billiards and suffering are fun~

18/04/20 23:51:43 <Christine> Ironically, right now, I can’t help but say “OH, LORD!”

18/04/20 23:51:54 <Joshua Wise> Pitohui_pool.PNG

18/04/20 23:52:14 <Joshua Wise> *Plays pool while Cryzel cries for help*

18/04/20 23:52:30 <Christine> Cryzel!!!

18/04/20 23:52:54 <Joshua Wise> This is a fun way to start a Friday~

18/04/20 23:53:17 <Christine> YOU FUCKING BITCH!

18/04/20 23:53:23 <Christine> PITOHUI!!!

18/04/20 23:53:27 <Joshua Wise> Yes~?

18/04/20 23:54:00 <Joshua Wise> *noms pizza as Cryzel tries to crawl into the room*

18/04/20 23:54:46 <Christine> Jesus?

18/04/20 23:55:29 <Joshua Wise> *flicks pebbles at Cryzel*

18/04/20 23:56:06 <Christine> Jesus, Please Help and Heal my wife!

18/04/20 23:56:20 <Joshua Wise> Jesus, take the wheel!

18/04/20 23:56:40 <Joshua Wise> Hey Christine?

18/04/20 23:56:58 <Joshua Wise> Wanna hear my impression of Roberta?

18/04/20 23:57:16 <Joshua Wise> *DURR I’M DEAD!!*

18/04/20 23:57:57 <Christine> Shut Up, Whore..

18/04/20 23:58:28 <Joshua Wise> And I’m supposed to take this from *Stephanie Bustcakes*?

18/04/20 23:59:17 <Joshua Wise> Besides, I’d say I was pretty spot-on with that impression.

18/04/21 0:00:07 <Christine> The only way you would be Truly Spot-On with that impression is if you went outside and let yourself be hit by an 18-
Wheeler, right to the face and breasts.

18/04/21 0:00:25 <Christine> And I may as well add your cooch as well.

18/04/21 0:01:02 <Joshua Wise> That’s a weak insult.

18/04/21 0:01:12 <Joshua Wise> I’m laughing pretty hard!

18/04/21 0:02:41 <Stephen Boyd> Christian you haven't a place in my kingdom with that language pottypants.

18/04/21 0:03:01 <Christine> Yes, my Lord.

18/04/21 0:03:23 <Stephen Boyd> For these transgressions you will APOLOGIZE and give Miss Pitohui whatever she desires.

18/04/21 0:06:04 <Christine> Pitohui, I am sorry for throwing insults left and right at you. And whatever you desire from me, personally and not
through the pain and suffering of anyone else at all, I will be more than humble to oblige.

18/04/21 0:06:40 <Joshua Wise> I want you to kick Magi-Chan in the dick

18/04/21 0:06:43 <Joshua Wise> HARD

18/04/21 0:06:57 <Christine> Next time I see him, I will do that.

18/04/21 0:07:21 <Joshua Wise> I want you to name your child “Mistake”

18/04/21 0:07:45 <Christine> I will name one of my children “Mistake”.

18/04/21 0:08:03 <Joshua Wise> Name them all Mistake.

18/04/21 0:08:11 <Christine> That is too much

18/04/21 0:08:16 <Joshua Wise> Just the kids you have with Cryzel

18/04/21 0:08:47 <Christine> Aside from those who are reborn through us?

18/04/21 0:09:13 <Joshua Wise> Yeah

18/04/21 0:09:46 <Christine> Alright, I will name each of all of the other children I have with Cryzel, “Mistake”.

18/04/21 0:10:18 <Christine> Anything else?

18/04/21 0:10:26 <Stephen Boyd> I've got one.

18/04/21 0:10:38 <Stephen Boyd> Punch yourself in the breast until you vomit.

18/04/21 0:11:09 <Joshua Wise> I want every Sonichu to get maced during dinner.

18/04/21 0:11:20 <Christine> Just making sure, is that a request from Jesus, or is that you, Professor?

18/04/21 0:11:35 <Stephen Boyd> It's still Jesus.

18/04/21 0:11:50 <Stephen Boyd> Miss Gwendolyn has gone to see a movie.

18/04/21 0:12:03 <Christine> I will punch myself hard in the breasts after this conversation is done.

18/04/21 0:12:39 <Stephen Boyd> Then give Gwendolyn money.

18/04/21 0:12:42 <Christine> Pitohui, you may mace as many Sonichus as you wish tonight.

18/04/21 0:12:52 <Stephen Boyd> SO SAYETH CHRIST YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR!

18/04/21 0:13:11 <Christine> I can’t give any more money until next month, but that is my plan.

18/04/21 0:13:23 <Stephen Boyd> Double it then!

18/04/21 0:13:46 <Christine> I won’t be able to donate to the Goddesses if I do that.

18/04/21 0:13:57 <Joshua Wise> No no, it has to be a state law.

18/04/21 0:15:02 <Christine> No. That is going too far.

18/04/21 0:15:27 <Joshua Wise> Oh?

18/04/21 0:16:16 <Christine> I have experienced that pepper spray mace for myself, and I can’t have my people constantly having to suffer to it every
night.

18/04/21 0:16:25 <Christine> They’re already suffering enough.

18/04/21 0:16:31 <Joshua Wise> Too bad~

18/04/21 0:16:53 <Christine> Ugh.

18/04/21 0:16:56 <Christine> Fine!

18/04/21 0:17:31 <Christine> Until further notice, it will be a state law there in Cwcville to mace every Sonichu at dinner time.

18/04/21 0:17:56 <Joshua Wise> Also every pregnant Rosechu has to be kicked in the stomach or pushed down a flight of stairs.

18/04/21 0:18:18 <Christine> YOU!!!!!

18/04/21 0:18:34 <Joshua Wise> Yes, Soulja boy?

18/04/21 0:20:24 <Christine> I’m going to punch myself in the breasts now; and No kicking or punching any pregnant Rosechu, and NO pushing Anyone down
flights of stairs!

18/04/21 0:20:51 <Joshua Wise> *Shoves a Pregnant Cera down a flight of stairs*

18/04/21 0:22:11 <Joshua Wise> Whoops~

18/04/21 0:32:17 <Christine> By the way, does the name “Dio Brando” mean anything to y’all?

18/04/21 0:33:12 <Christine> Or the term, “Stand User”?

18/04/21 0:33:35 <Joshua Wise> Dio Brando?

18/04/21 0:36:56 <Joshua Wise> Why?

18/04/21 0:38:44 <Joshua Wise> He died a long time ago.

18/04/21 0:39:30 <Joshua Wise> Leave that Jojo shit outta this conversation, fatty.

18/04/21 0:39:56 <Joshua Wise> *Kicks Cryzel down the stairs too*

18/04/21 0:45:31 <Stephen Boyd> Why would such a forsaken name be brought up my child?

18/04/21 0:48:16 <Stephen Boyd> Christine answer me o be forsaken youself.

18/04/21 1:23:10 <Joshua Wise> Chris went to go drink butter.

18/04/21 1:23:54 <Christine> I do not drink butter

18/04/21 1:24:14 <Joshua Wise> There he is after his butter coma.

18/04/21 1:25:03 <Joshua Wise> What do you think, Cryzel~?

18/04/21 1:25:10 <Joshua Wise> *she wheezes*

18/04/21 1:25:10 <Christine> Anyway, I do not know that individual; the name was told to me by a a fan, that this Dio was trolling me.

18/04/21 1:25:19 <Christine> Cryzel!

18/04/21 1:25:24 <Joshua Wise> Hold up.

18/04/21 1:25:28 <Joshua Wise> *Dio*

18/04/21 1:25:54 <Joshua Wise> How is Dio trolling you?

18/04/21 1:27:10 <Christine> From what I had heard, something about”Stand Power, “The World”” to screw things up for me.

18/04/21 1:27:39 <Joshua Wise> Odd

18/04/21 1:28:23 <Christine> Yes. That is all I know of that individual.

18/04/21 1:28:40 <Joshua Wise> Who is the fan that told you this?

18/04/21 1:29:41 <Christine> The one who sent me the $650 recently, his name is Jack, from New York, with a few friends; told me they were all on my
side. Jack is autistic too.

18/04/21 1:30:35 <Christine> He also mentions that this Dio is the main Troll they found.

18/04/21 1:30:51 <Joshua Wise> I think they’re trolling you.

18/04/21 1:31:08 <Joshua Wise> The only Dio of that name died a looooong time ago.

18/04/21 1:31:19 <Joshua Wise> You are right though.

18/04/21 1:31:52 <Joshua Wise> He *is* autistic if he paid you $650 just to attend an event he could laugh at you from.

18/04/21 1:32:09 <Joshua Wise> $650

18/04/21 1:32:25 <Joshua Wise> That’s almost $1000.

18/04/21 1:32:51 <Joshua Wise> There’s lots of better ways he could have spent that money.

18/04/21 1:32:58 <Joshua Wise> But *trolling*?

18/04/21 1:33:10 <Joshua Wise> Just wow.

18/04/21 1:34:32 <Stephen Boyd> Tell this Jack to wire you two grand to see if "The World" is in motion. -Gwen

18/04/21 1:34:43 <Stephen Boyd> I found Alan Moore on my home terminal.

18/04/21 1:35:05 <Christine> Also, I looked on my Twitter, someone named “Jailhouse Rui” said that I needed my Cutie Mark or Sonichu to be able to
stand against the World’s ability, as “A Stand User can only be defeated by another Stand User.”

18/04/21 1:35:18 <Joshua Wise> Isn’t that funny, Cryzel?

18/04/21 1:35:28 <Joshua Wise> *She coughs and wheezes*

18/04/21 1:36:18 <Christine> Cryzel! Please, stay alive. I wish I could help you recover from here.

18/04/21 1:36:34 <Christine> And, I will relay that message to Jack, Professor.

18/04/21 1:40:21 <Joshua Wise> *Spills hot coffee on her*

18/04/21 1:40:26 <Joshua Wise> Whoops~!

18/04/21 1:40:38 <Christine> YOU BITCH!!!

18/04/21 1:40:49 <Christine> STOP ABUSING CRYZEL!!!

18/04/21 1:41:17 <Christine> YOU’RE ONLY MAKING ME MORE UPSET WITH YOU!

18/04/21 1:41:24 <Joshua Wise> Ha

18/04/21 1:41:30 <Joshua Wise> That’s funny.

18/04/21 1:41:40 <Joshua Wise> Isn’t that funny, Cryzel?

18/04/21 1:41:54 <Joshua Wise> *she gags*

18/04/21 1:41:57 <Christine> Let Her Go!

18/04/21 1:42:44 <Christine> I punched myself in the breasts for her, and by Jesus’ request.

18/04/21 1:42:58 <Joshua Wise> Your species man, don’t they know it’s rude to text at the dinner table?

18/04/21 1:43:47 <Joshua Wise> *stabs Cryzel in the shoulder with a fondue fork and snatched her phone*

18/04/21 1:44:01 <Christine> STOP IT PITOHUI!!!

18/04/21 1:44:10 <Christine> STOP TORTURING HER!

18/04/21 1:44:15 <Joshua Wise> Ah, a text meant for Magi-Chan!

18/04/21 1:44:34 <Joshua Wise> *With Pitohui*

18/04/21 1:44:44 <Joshua Wise> Oh, you’ll love this next part.

18/04/21 1:44:52 <Joshua Wise> *HELP!!*

18/04/21 1:45:15 <Christine> Shit!

18/04/21 1:45:27 <Joshua Wise> You don’t text for help, you cry for help.

18/04/21 1:45:43 <Joshua Wise> *yanks her from the table and walks her to the balcony*

18/04/21 1:45:58 <Christine> STOP THIS PITOHUI!!!

18/04/21 1:46:00 <Joshua Wise> Wanna call for help, you do it right.

18/04/21 1:46:06 <Joshua Wise> Go ahead.

18/04/21 1:46:20 <Joshua Wise> *She whimpers for help*

18/04/21 1:46:23 <Christine> LEAVE CRYZEL AONE!

18/04/21 1:46:29 <Christine> CRYZEL!

18/04/21 1:46:44 <Joshua Wise> From you diaphragm, dear!

18/04/21 1:46:58 <Joshua Wise> *whimpers help a little louder*

18/04/21 1:47:04 <Joshua Wise> Like this;

18/04/21 1:47:14 <Joshua Wise> HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!

18/04/21 1:47:31 <Joshua Wise> *she screams for help until Pitohui stops her*

18/04/21 1:47:38 <Joshua Wise> Hear that?

18/04/21 1:48:13 <Christine> I heard. Now, Stop Torturing Cryzel!!!

18/04/21 1:48:46 <Joshua Wise> Nobody is coming~

18/04/21 1:48:51 <Joshua Wise> Heehee

18/04/21 1:49:02 <Joshua Wise> *slams her back into the table*

18/04/21 1:49:55 <Joshua Wise> *yanks the fork from her back*

18/04/21 1:51:04 <Joshua Wise> You were saying, Chris?

18/04/21 1:51:34 <Joshua Wise> Chris?

18/04/21 1:52:01 <Christine> I’m right here, Bitch.

18/04/21 1:52:09 <Joshua Wise> Good~

18/04/21 1:52:57 <Joshua Wise> *Gives Cryzel a gun*

18/04/21 1:53:03 <Joshua Wise> Go ahead~

18/04/21 1:53:12 <Christine> NO!

18/04/21 1:53:14 <Joshua Wise> You wanna shoot me, right?

18/04/21 1:53:23 <Christine> DON’T FIRE THAT GUN, CRYZEL!!!

18/04/21 1:53:25 <Joshua Wise> I’m giving you the shot.

18/04/21 1:53:31 <Joshua Wise> Go on~

18/04/21 1:53:41 <Christine> IT WILL RECOIL ON YOU!

18/04/21 1:53:46 <Christine> DO NOT FIRE!

18/04/21 1:53:57 <Joshua Wise> You don’t even know what recoil is.

18/04/21 1:54:29 <Christine> DO NOT SHOOT, CRYZEL!

18/04/21 1:55:03 <Christine> Pitohui is trying to trick you in hurting yourself with a faulty gun.

18/04/21 1:55:09 <Joshua Wise> Faulty?

18/04/21 1:55:22 <Christine> Taking examples from the Rosechus who had guns earlier today.

18/04/21 1:55:26 <Joshua Wise> Bitch, do you even understand what recoil is?

18/04/21 1:55:40 <Christine> DO NOT SHOOT THAT GUN, CRYZEL!

18/04/21 1:55:42 <Joshua Wise> Recoil is the force you feel from firing a gun.

18/04/21 1:56:26 <Joshua Wise> *she takes the gun*

18/04/21 1:56:31 <Joshua Wise> Excellent~

18/04/21 1:56:37 <Joshua Wise> Now~

18/04/21 1:56:44 <Joshua Wise> Squeeze the trigger~

18/04/21 1:56:53 <Christine> Cryzel, Don’t Do It!

18/04/21 1:56:55 <Joshua Wise> I’ll make it easier~

18/04/21 1:57:09 <Joshua Wise> *places my forehead against the barrel*

18/04/21 1:57:18 <Joshua Wise> Do it~

18/04/21 1:57:41 <Joshua Wise> *She squeezes the trigger in anger, but the gun clicks empty*

18/04/21 1:57:58 <Christine> I TOLD YOU, CRYZEL!

18/04/21 1:58:03 <Joshua Wise> Ahahahaaa

18/04/21 1:58:10 <Joshua Wise> It wasn’t loaded!

18/04/21 1:59:05 <Christine> She was Toying with You! I Tried to tell you!

18/04/21 1:59:22 <Joshua Wise> Bitch, you told her recoil meant a faulty gun.

18/04/21 1:59:36 <Christine> No, I did not say that.

18/04/21 1:59:41 <Joshua Wise> You did.

18/04/21 2:00:01 <Joshua Wise> *”Taking examples from the Rosechus who had guns earlier today.”*

18/04/21 2:00:18 <Christine> I was right that the gun was faulty, because it was not loaded. And I Knew recoil was the force from firing the gun.

18/04/21 2:00:20 <Joshua Wise> They hurt themselves from not understanding how recoil works.

18/04/21 2:00:29 <Christine> Exactly.

18/04/21 2:00:29 <Joshua Wise> Chris

18/04/21 2:00:42 <Joshua Wise> Faulty and not loaded are not the same thing....

18/04/21 2:01:08 <Joshua Wise> That’s not faulty

18/04/21 2:01:22 <Joshua Wise> Maybe you just don’t know the definition of faulty?

18/04/21 2:01:36 <Christine> I Know what faulty means.

18/04/21 2:01:46 <Joshua Wise> No you don’t.

18/04/21 2:02:43 <Christine> It means that the item in question is not up to spec with the typical design of the norm of the same item, and therefore
making the item not only useless and not-functional, but also potentially hazardous and dangerous to the user.

18/04/21 2:04:27 <Christine> And the fact that the gun had nothing to fire in it, meant that it’s primary function was non-functional. Therefore: it
was a faulty weapon.

18/04/21 2:04:33 <Joshua Wise> Good job googling

18/04/21 2:04:53 <Christine> Googled with my mind. Not my phone.

18/04/21 2:05:02 <Joshua Wise> exceptional individual

18/04/21 2:05:30 <Christine> Says the one who recognizes another.

18/04/21 2:05:59 <Joshua Wise> How long did you take to get your degree again?

18/04/21 2:06:11 <Christine> Five years.

18/04/21 2:06:21 <Joshua Wise> For that degree?

18/04/21 2:06:37 <Christine> It would have been sooner if I had not been banned from PVCC that one year.

18/04/21 2:06:49 <Joshua Wise> Excuses excuses

18/04/21 2:07:30 <Christine> I wish I had never hit on Vert at all that day with the meeting with Mary Lee Walsh, in ANY Timeline.

18/04/21 2:08:34 <Joshua Wise> And you call *me* an exceptional individual.

18/04/21 2:09:16 <Christine> If the insulter knows the word to call another who is one.

18/04/21 2:10:05 <Joshua Wise> Oh nice comeback. Your mommy give it to you on paper?

18/04/21 2:10:38 <Christine> No, it came to me by email into the computer in my brain.

18/04/21 2:12:32 <Joshua Wise> I had to take a moment to regain myself after laughing.

18/04/21 2:12:51 <Christine> I’m so glad I could entertain you

18/04/21 2:12:59 <Joshua Wise> What drugs are you on, tubby?

18/04/21 2:13:13 <Christine> I have not taken any drugs tonight.

18/04/21 2:13:23 <Joshua Wise> Oh sorry

18/04/21 2:13:27 <Christine> If anyone’s on something, it might be you.

18/04/21 2:13:29 <Joshua Wise> *”Meds”*

18/04/21 2:13:43 <Christine> You’re High on your Swedish Butter.

18/04/21 2:13:52 <Joshua Wise> Oh yes, you’re right. I am on something.

18/04/21 2:14:02 <Joshua Wise> My boot on Cryzel’s head~

18/04/21 2:14:25 <Christine> Get your foot off her Right Now!

18/04/21 2:14:34 <Joshua Wise> *Presses down hard*

18/04/21 2:14:39 <Joshua Wise> Nope~

18/04/21 2:15:23 <Christine> You know, perhaps My head alone should be more appropriate for your boot; it’s so thick-headed.

18/04/21 2:15:57 <Christine> I’m as thick as a football helmet.

18/04/21 2:16:24 <Joshua Wise> Heehee

18/04/21 2:16:26 <Christine> One that Nick Saban personally approved.

18/04/21 2:17:00 <Joshua Wise> Oh~?

18/04/21 2:17:09 <Christine> Yup

18/04/21 2:17:41 <Christine> He liked it so much, he had me cloned, so helmets could be made from my thick head.

18/04/21 2:18:42 <Christine> Oh, and my penis makes a great kicking tee; it’s bent right to keep the ball propped up.

18/04/21 2:19:31 <Christine> Where my dick ought to be all along, with the balls.

18/04/21 2:19:37 <Joshua Wise> *presses harder*

18/04/21 2:20:30 <Christine> Cryzel’s Head is not worthy of the strength of your boot.

18/04/21 2:20:51 <Christine> You should find a head more worthy of your boot.

18/04/21 2:21:05 <Christine> Maybe your own.

18/04/21 2:22:02 <Christine> What will it take for you to stop torturing Cryzel?

18/04/21 2:23:42 <Joshua Wise> Beg

18/04/21 2:23:55 <Joshua Wise> Get on your knees in a video and beg

18/04/21 2:24:06 <Joshua Wise> You may google drive for now.

18/04/21 2:24:51 <Christine> That is actually fair

18/04/21 2:25:03 <Joshua Wise> *presses into Cryzel’s shattered legs*

18/04/21 2:25:24 <Christine> I am on my knees right now. Please stop, and hold on while I record.

18/04/21 2:25:44 <Joshua Wise> You’ve got thirty seconds, fatbody.

18/04/21 2:27:36 <Christine> Recorded

18/04/21 2:27:40 <Christine> It’s uploading

18/04/21 2:28:18 <Christine> Also, I have new information on “The World” thing Jack mentioned, from Jack.

18/04/21 2:28:55 <Christine> He said, ““The World” is basically this elaborate plot to troll you at BronyCon. It didn’t happen at MAGfest,
fortunately. That was only because nobody knew you would show up.”

18/04/21 2:29:57 <Christine> He is part of a group who wishes to keep me safe at the BronyCon, at least, and I quote him, “The Stardust Crusaders are
an elite task force assembled solely for the benefit of ensuring that Christine Weston Chandler, ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu and Rosechu has a safe
con visit.”

18/04/21 2:30:52 <Christine> Anyway, the video is uploaded and processing.

18/04/21 2:30:56 <Christine> https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/img_7736-webm.494908/

18/04/21 2:32:20 <Christine> And I would surmise that the Troll leading this “World” plan is this “Dio Brando” he mentioned earlier.

18/04/21 2:33:04 <Joshua Wise> Not pleased with your video.

18/04/21 2:33:18 <Joshua Wise> *whips Cryzel*

18/04/21 2:33:35 <Christine> Leave Cryzel Alone!

18/04/21 2:34:02 <Christine> I gave you information about a bunch of trolls who will be Trolling at BronyCon this year.

18/04/21 2:34:15 <Joshua Wise> Heehee

18/04/21 2:34:37 <Joshua Wise> But the video was all I asked, and you didn’t deliver~

18/04/21 2:34:48 <Christine> I Did Deliver.

18/04/21 2:34:54 <Christine> I Begged You

18/04/21 2:35:18 <Joshua Wise> None of your tard “I will mom” tone.

18/04/21 2:35:49 <Christine> Okay, you lost me. “I will mom”? What’s that mean?

18/04/21 2:36:30 <Joshua Wise> You always sound monotone and annoyed when someone ask you to do something.

18/04/21 2:37:33 <Joshua Wise> I want you to *beg* like the old bitch you are~

18/04/21 2:37:40 <Joshua Wise> Cry and shout.

18/04/21 2:37:51 <Christine> Hold on

18/04/21 2:38:14 <Joshua Wise> I don’t have all night, fatass.

18/04/21 2:39:49 <Christine> Uploading new video

18/04/21 2:40:22 <Christine> I don’t have all night either, and I should have been in bed 40 minutes ago.

18/04/21 2:40:41 <Christine> https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/img_7737-webm.494909/

18/04/21 2:42:17 <Joshua Wise> Too bad

18/04/21 2:42:21 <Joshua Wise> It’s Friday

18/04/21 2:43:18 <Christine> I was not monotoned in this video.

18/04/21 2:45:38 <Joshua Wise> I’ll be the judge of that

18/04/21 2:45:48 <Joshua Wise> Stay up with me and Cryzel

18/04/21 2:46:04 <Christine> Yes

18/04/21 2:47:20 <Joshua Wise> You kept saying my name wrong, you moron.

18/04/21 2:47:39 <Joshua Wise> Do it again

18/04/21 2:48:09 <Christine> How is your name pronounced?

18/04/21 2:48:49 <Joshua Wise> I’ll sound it out for you since your tard Southern dialect will likely butcher it again.

18/04/21 2:49:04 <Christine> Okay

18/04/21 2:49:15 <Joshua Wise> P-Toe-Hwee

18/04/21 2:49:40 <Christine> Alright. I need a moment; I have to pee, then I will record again.

18/04/21 2:49:49 <Joshua Wise> No

18/04/21 2:50:02 <Joshua Wise> Pee there and record yourself begging.

18/04/21 2:50:12 <Christine> Fine.

18/04/21 2:52:43 <Christine> Uploading

18/04/21 2:53:27 <Joshua Wise> I'll be waiting.

18/04/21 2:53:42 <Joshua Wise> You won't get to rest until you say it right after all~

18/04/21 2:54:13 <Christine> https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/img_7738-webm.494911/

18/04/21 2:56:04 <Joshua Wise> Just waiting for it to process entirely.

18/04/21 2:56:49 <Christine> I’m staying up and doing all this for you, Cryzel.

18/04/21 2:56:59 <Joshua Wise> You hear that, Cryzel?

18/04/21 2:57:13 <Joshua Wise> *Digs my heel into her leg*

18/04/21 2:57:49 <Joshua Wise> *She wheezes*

18/04/21 2:58:03 <Christine> I would never stay up late for the bitch who is torturing you and I right now. Although, I realize you are hurting worse
than I am feeling.

18/04/21 2:58:31 <Christine> I am really sorry this is happening to you, honey.

18/04/21 2:58:42 <Joshua Wise> Daww

18/04/21 2:58:45 <Joshua Wise> You hear that?

18/04/21 2:59:02 <Joshua Wise> He obviously has a boner for me if he's willing to give me a name and not you~

18/04/21 2:59:18 <Christine> NO

18/04/21 2:59:24 <Christine> Cryzel is my Honey

18/04/21 2:59:29 <Joshua Wise> Ya sure?

18/04/21 2:59:29 <Christine> Not You, Pitohui

18/04/21 2:59:40 <Joshua Wise> Look at what he typed~*Shows Cryzel the phone*

18/04/21 3:00:07 <Christine> Cryzel knows I call her my Honey, and Love.

18/04/21 3:00:29 <Joshua Wise> *She cries*

18/04/21 3:00:36 <Joshua Wise> Awwwww

18/04/21 3:00:41 <Joshua Wise> That's unfortunate~

18/04/21 3:01:03 <Christine> DAMN MY MISWORDING!

18/04/21 3:01:25 <Joshua Wise> You said my name wrong *AGAIN*

18/04/21 3:01:45 <Christine> P-Toe-Hwee

18/04/21 3:01:49 <Joshua Wise> Yeah

18/04/21 3:01:57 <Joshua Wise> you said P'tohui.

18/04/21 3:02:03 <Joshua Wise> Not Pitohui.

18/04/21 3:02:23 <Christine> I’m getting on my knees again.

18/04/21 3:03:07 <Joshua Wise> I guess an inbred tard like you will still say it wrong.

18/04/21 3:04:31 <Christine> Uploading

18/04/21 3:05:29 <Joshua Wise> You keep forgetting I have *two* Is in my name.

18/04/21 3:05:47 <Christine> https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/img_7741-webm.494915/

18/04/21 3:06:09 <Christine> That “Toe” is pronounced “Two”?

18/04/21 3:06:20 <Joshua Wise> o

18/04/21 3:06:22 <Joshua Wise> No

18/04/21 3:06:37 <Joshua Wise> How sad, Cryzel.

18/04/21 3:06:48 <Joshua Wise> Your hubby can't even say names right~

18/04/21 3:06:55 <Christine> You said, “You keep forgetting I have *two* Is in my name.”

18/04/21 3:06:56 <Joshua Wise> *digs into her wound*

18/04/21 3:07:03 <Joshua Wise> Is

18/04/21 3:07:08 <Joshua Wise> The letter I

18/04/21 3:07:20 <Christine> Pitohui

18/04/21 3:07:41 <Joshua Wise> Yeah but tard mouth Chrissy here keeps saying P'tohui.

18/04/21 3:07:57 <Joshua Wise> Like my name is that hard.

18/04/21 3:08:28 <Christine> Pronounced like the letter “P”, then “toe”, then “hwee”.

18/04/21 3:09:18 <Joshua Wise> Yes, what is so hard about that?

18/04/21 3:09:21 <Christine> To accentuate the first “I” would make the first syllable sound like “Pi”.

18/04/21 3:09:33 <Joshua Wise> Jesus...

18/04/21 3:09:37 <Joshua Wise> PEE

18/04/21 3:09:38 <Christine> And I did pronounce it like “P”

18/04/21 3:09:39 <Joshua Wise> PEE

18/04/21 3:09:54 <Christine> Right, “PEE” is the first syllable

18/04/21 3:10:02 <Joshua Wise> Say PEE like the fucking alphabet.

18/04/21 3:10:09 <Christine> P

18/04/21 3:10:16 <Joshua Wise> Oh my fucking....

18/04/21 3:10:24 <Joshua Wise> *Stomps on Cryzel's wound*

18/04/21 3:10:44 <Christine> How did the video turn out?

18/04/21 3:10:45 <Joshua Wise> Understand now?

18/04/21 3:10:49 <Christine> Yes

18/04/21 3:11:37 <Joshua Wise> Even now you *still* butcher my name.

18/04/21 3:11:55 <Christine> What did I get wrong this time?

18/04/21 3:12:17 <Joshua Wise> You still mispronounced the *Pito* part.

18/04/21 3:12:49 <Joshua Wise> Fuck it

18/04/21 3:12:52 <Joshua Wise> No more.

18/04/21 3:13:02 <Joshua Wise> *Stomps on Cryzel's tail*

18/04/21 3:14:00 <Joshua Wise> I want another video from you now.

18/04/21 3:14:34 <Christine> What do you want now?

18/04/21 3:14:52 <Joshua Wise> I want you to scream Allstar.

18/04/21 3:14:58 <Joshua Wise> on camera.

18/04/21 3:15:18 <Christine> Just the one word?

18/04/21 3:15:28 <Joshua Wise> The song, you idiot.

18/04/21 3:15:55 <Christine> I need to locate the lyrics. Hold on.

18/04/21 3:16:15 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZYgIrqELFw

18/04/21 3:16:16 <Joshua Wise> Here

18/04/21 3:16:29 <Christine> Give me a few minutes.

18/04/21 3:17:10 <Joshua Wise> and I want you to dance like you're constipated and angry.

18/04/21 3:17:57 <Christine> Well, I’m definitely Angry, but not as angry as Kratos on any day of the week.

18/04/21 3:20:48 <Joshua Wise> Dance like an angry constipated indian.

18/04/21 3:24:23 <Christine> Uploading, and I danced like I was constipated.

18/04/21 3:24:48 <Christine> And my throat feels soar.

18/04/21 3:25:12 <Joshua Wise> Let's see~

18/04/21 3:27:04 <Christine> The only positive I will give you now is that you’ve made me burn a thousand calories tonight

18/04/21 3:27:43 <Christine> https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/img_7739-webm.494914/

18/04/21 3:27:43 <Joshua Wise> Post the link

18/04/21 3:27:45 <Joshua Wise> good

18/04/21 3:29:30 <Joshua Wise> waiting for it to finish processing.

18/04/21 3:29:56 <Christine> If I can afford to get one, I’m getting an Aria Smart Scale, so my weight loss progress can be tracked digitally as well.

18/04/21 3:32:28 <Joshua Wise> Jesus, did you actually *Listen* to the song?

18/04/21 3:32:39 <Christine> I Did, many times.

18/04/21 3:32:47 <Joshua Wise> Meh

18/04/21 3:32:49 <Joshua Wise> passable.

18/04/21 3:32:52 <Christine> Okay

18/04/21 3:33:00 <Joshua Wise> Stay for the fun~!

18/04/21 3:33:08 <Joshua Wise> we're just letting loose~!

18/04/21 3:33:19 <Joshua Wise> *Cryzel falls back onto the floor*

18/04/21 3:33:24 <Christine> Cryzel!

18/04/21 3:33:30 <Joshua Wise> Oh shit, she's seizing out.

18/04/21 3:33:43 <Joshua Wise> I know what to do, don't worry!

18/04/21 3:34:45 <Joshua Wise> Don't worry Chris, I know how to help.

18/04/21 3:35:04 <Joshua Wise> Pitohui_pool.PNG

18/04/21 3:35:45 <Christine> That picture does not make me feel any better.

18/04/21 3:36:06 <Joshua Wise> *Plays pool with LLEN while Cryzel has a seizure on the floor*

18/04/21 3:36:28 <Christine> You did this to my Honey, you Bitch; you tortured and stressed Cryzel out Beyond Her Limits!!!

18/04/21 3:36:43 <Joshua Wise> P-Pito...this isn't right.-LLEN

18/04/21 3:36:56 <Joshua Wise> You're right LLEN...this isn't.-Pitohui

18/04/21 3:37:04 <Joshua Wise> I know what I really need to do...

18/04/21 3:37:44 <Joshua Wise> I'm sorry Chris, I know what I really have to do.

18/04/21 3:37:59 <Joshua Wise> *Turns on the radio and cranks it up as we resume playing*

18/04/21 3:38:02 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQZmacYXRBY

18/04/21 3:38:09 <Christine> You Bitch!

18/04/21 3:38:41 <Joshua Wise> Pitohui_yawn.PNG

18/04/21 3:38:48 <Christine> You Fucked Up, Sociopathic, Crazy, Sick and Murderous CUNT!!!!

18/04/21 3:38:51 <Joshua Wise> No no...you're right

18/04/21 3:38:58 <Joshua Wise> I'm sorry, this seriously is wrong.

18/04/21 3:39:02 <Joshua Wise> I'll fix it now.

18/04/21 3:39:14 <Joshua Wise> *Changes the song*

18/04/21 3:39:16 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udUCjJphE-0

18/04/21 3:39:28 <Christine> NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!

18/04/21 3:39:36 <Christine> HELP MY WIFE!!!

18/04/21 3:39:40 <Joshua Wise> Okay okay

18/04/21 3:39:51 <Joshua Wise> She not a Tony Hawk fan?

18/04/21 3:40:08 <Joshua Wise> C'mon, this is classic Pro skater music.

18/04/21 3:40:09 <Christine> GET CRYZEL TO A GOOD HOSPITAL INMEDIATELY!!!!!!

18/04/21 3:40:15 <Joshua Wise> Okay okay.

18/04/21 3:40:30 <Joshua Wise> *Drags her behind me into the car with LLEN.*

18/04/21 3:41:36 <Christine> AND MAKE SURE SHE IS CHECKED IN, AND IS IN A ROOM WITH A DOCTOR CALMING CRYZEL DOWN AND HEALING HER WITH MEDICAL
TREATMENTS; NOT SEX OR VIOLENCE!!!!

18/04/21 3:42:53 <Joshua Wise> *The engine finally turns on as the radio turns on*

18/04/21 3:43:02 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY1BtpkNrtQ

18/04/21 3:44:38 <Stephen Boyd> Christian it's Jesus... -Jesus

18/04/21 3:44:50 <Stephen Boyd> I'm disappointed in your language.

18/04/21 3:45:09 <Stephen Boyd> For that you have forsaken me and I'm not sure I want you to return to my flock this time.

18/04/21 3:45:25 <Joshua Wise> Oh hey Jesus.

18/04/21 3:45:32 <Joshua Wise> I'm taking Cryzel to the hospital.

18/04/21 3:45:36 <Joshua Wise> Wanna come with me?

18/04/21 3:45:43 <Christine> Pitohui has tortured Cryzel by shooting her in both knees, and putting a boot to her injuries and her head and tail.

18/04/21 3:45:59 <Stephen Boyd> I've got to go before Miss Gwendolyn discovers I used her items again.

18/04/21 3:46:22 <Joshua Wise> Gwen, come with us. We're going on a girls' night~!

18/04/21 3:46:27 <Stephen Boyd> Christian I told you as long as it's not YOURSELF being harmed karma will fix this.

18/04/21 3:46:45 <Joshua Wise> *Turns up Aaron Lewis*

18/04/21 3:46:48 <Christine> Huh? Karma?

18/04/21 3:46:49 <Stephen Boyd> Still Jesus. Miss Gwendolyn is asleep.

18/04/21 3:46:58 <Stephen Boyd> Oh my dad Christian...

18/04/21 3:47:05 <Stephen Boyd> TURN THE OTHER CHEEK

18/04/21 3:47:07 <Joshua Wise> Oh well.

18/04/21 3:47:23 <Stephen Boyd> Now I'm leaving until I cna sneak on next. Good Night.

18/04/21 3:48:12 <Joshua Wise> *Drives off hard as the radio blares*

18/04/21 3:50:06 <Christine> He actually told me to “Turn the other cheek”, and in that sense, turn a blind eye to the events.

18/04/21 3:50:36 <Joshua Wise> *turns up the volume*

18/04/21 3:50:39 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX9RMdcFQAw

18/04/21 3:50:54 <Joshua Wise> *Takes a sharp turn as Cryzel bumps around in the back*

18/04/21 3:52:44 <Joshua Wise> *Pulls up into the drive-thru of Hardees*

18/04/21 3:54:18 <Joshua Wise> Mmmm, not Carl's Jr. but it's still the same.

18/04/21 3:55:58 <Joshua Wise> Yo Chris, what do you think of Hardees?

18/04/21 3:56:31 <Joshua Wise> You certainly are a connoisseur of fast food.

18/04/21 3:58:13 <Christine> Hardees is whatever to me.

18/04/21 3:58:20 <Christine> I’m Very Sorry this is all happening to you, Cryzel, my Honey and my Love. It really hurts me to hear you’re going
through so much pain and torture. I am even more sorry that I had not listened more attentively. I Promise, Cryzel Chandler Rosechu, I will do better
to listen and be receptive to and for you. And our first movie night together after you return, “Silent Hill”, like you wanted. I must look the other
way for now of Pitohui and her misconduct. Please, forgive me in doing that, Honey. I am always thinking and worrying about you. Also, along with you,
I, too, worry about our Hubby, Magi-Chan. Please, respond and talk with me as soon as you recover, or after you’ve had enough time away from me; as you feel and like. Be Safe and Well, Cryzel, my Honey and Love.

18/04/21 3:58:35 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ9r8LMU9bQ

18/04/21 3:58:40 <Joshua Wise> *Turns the radio up*

18/04/21 3:59:00 <Joshua Wise> Good thing I already ordered while I waited for a response.

18/04/21 4:00:06 <Joshua Wise> Pito...I don't like this music. Can we play something else?-LLEN

18/04/21 4:00:37 <Joshua Wise> Oh okay.-Pitohui

18/04/21 4:00:42 <Joshua Wise> *Changes the station*

18/04/21 4:00:45 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mRn9chmRAY

18/04/21 4:00:54 <Joshua Wise> Okay Chris, I got our food.

18/04/21 4:01:00 <Joshua Wise> We'll go to the hospital.

18/04/21 4:01:05 <Joshua Wise> Well, after we stop and eat~

18/04/21 4:01:30 <Joshua Wise> *Cryzel starts having another seizure*

18/04/21 4:03:32 <Joshua Wise> Chris?

18/04/21 4:03:46 <Joshua Wise> <@!429821319643660290>

18/04/21 4:04:22 <Christine> Alright

18/04/21 4:04:39 <Joshua Wise> *We both eat as Cryzel gags violently*

18/04/21 4:05:17 <Joshua Wise> Mmmmmmm

18/04/21 4:05:22 <Joshua Wise> Good stuff.

18/04/21 4:05:35 <Joshua Wise> Normally don't eat burgers as often, but it's nice to treat yourself.

18/04/21 4:06:21 <Joshua Wise> *Cryzel vomits in the back*

18/04/21 4:07:18 <Joshua Wise> Hey Cryzel, sounds like your hubby stopped nagging us to take you to the hospital.

18/04/21 4:07:43 <Christine> TAKE CRYZEL TO THE HOSPITAL.

18/04/21 4:07:53 <Joshua Wise> Oh well okay.

18/04/21 4:08:08 <Joshua Wise> *Drives off towards the hospital*

18/04/21 4:08:16 <Joshua Wise> Which do you recomend?

18/04/21 4:09:37 <Christine> The BEST Hospital in the city, with all of the BEST AND GOOD medical tech around. And NOT a Pokémon Center.

18/04/21 4:09:44 <Joshua Wise> Which is?

18/04/21 4:10:17 <Joshua Wise> I dunno this area that well.

18/04/21 4:10:25 <Joshua Wise> Japanese citizen, remember?

18/04/21 4:10:30 <Christine> I’m going with where Doctor Sylvestrichu is, given if he is alive and with all of his memories restored.

18/04/21 4:10:48 <Joshua Wise> Oh he's been barred.

18/04/21 4:11:05 <Joshua Wise> He gave a man breast implants instead of curing him.

18/04/21 4:11:13 <Joshua Wise> Wait, I see a hospital now.

18/04/21 4:11:13 <Christine> Shit

18/04/21 4:11:29 <Christine> Okay

18/04/21 4:12:14 <Joshua Wise> Okay, the doctors are all speaking to me now.

18/04/21 4:12:36 <Joshua Wise> The gurney they dropped her onto was pretty bloody too, but they're looking her over.

18/04/21 4:13:20 <Joshua Wise> You there, <@!429821319643660290> ?

18/04/21 4:13:25 <Christine> Yes

18/04/21 4:13:42 <Joshua Wise> Okay, the doctor told me something about Cryzel.

18/04/21 4:13:52 <Christine> What?

18/04/21 4:13:59 <Joshua Wise> I dunno, I don't speak Spanish.

18/04/21 4:14:31 <Joshua Wise> Boy does this place smell.

18/04/21 4:14:45 <Joshua Wise> Look at the rooms!

18/04/21 4:14:45 <Joshua Wise> Venezuela_hospital.jpg

18/04/21 4:14:57 <Joshua Wise> Hey wait....that ain't the US flag.

18/04/21 4:15:02 <Joshua Wise> Oh shit, I see now!

18/04/21 4:15:07 <Joshua Wise> We're not in Virginia!

18/04/21 4:15:13 <Joshua Wise> We're in *Venezuela!*

18/04/21 4:15:35 <Joshua Wise> Jesus, the healthcare here is a fucking joke~! XD

18/04/21 4:15:47 <Christine> You know what?

18/04/21 4:15:54 <Christine> Get Cryzel out of there

18/04/21 4:16:04 <Joshua Wise> Nah man, I took her to the hospital.

18/04/21 4:16:15 <Joshua Wise> My job is D-O-N-E.

18/04/21 4:16:38 <Christine> Fine. I’m done talking for now. I’m letting Karma do its thing now.

18/04/21 4:16:45 <Joshua Wise> Holy shit

18/04/21 4:16:54 <Joshua Wise> I just got me $50,000!

18/04/21 4:17:13 <Joshua Wise> It's pocket change to me, but still nice~

18/04/21 4:17:27 <Joshua Wise> That the karma you were looking for?

18/04/21 4:17:59 <Christine> I meant for Cryzel.

18/04/21 4:18:25 <Joshua Wise> Oh?

18/04/21 4:18:41 <Christine> You know, Good Karma to do good for her.

18/04/21 4:18:54 <Joshua Wise> Do you understand how Karma works?

18/04/21 4:19:26 <Christine> Yes. When one does more good for others, good things happen for that person and their closest.

18/04/21 4:19:42 <Christine> And bad for bad.

18/04/21 4:19:42 <Joshua Wise> Well I got me some record deals~

18/04/21 4:19:54 <Joshua Wise> So it seems Karma is *rewarding* me~

18/04/21 4:20:37 <Christine> You did good. You did a good thing, so you’re being rewarded. Now, I hope good things are happening for Cryzel in her
recovery.

18/04/21 4:21:04 <Joshua Wise> Oh yeah

18/04/21 4:21:12 <Joshua Wise> They sawed off her legs with a rusty bone saw.

18/04/21 4:23:08 <Joshua Wise> No anesthesia or anything.

18/04/21 4:23:37 <Joshua Wise> *LLEN vomits from watching*

18/04/21 4:24:08 <Joshua Wise> Whatcha up to, Chris?

18/04/21 4:24:57 <Christine> I feel like I’m vomiting inside my head.

18/04/21 4:25:13 <Christine> How did y’all get from Virginia to Venezuela?

18/04/21 4:25:36 <Joshua Wise> Through a portal Magi-Chan had built the other day.

18/04/21 4:25:57 <Christine> I see

18/04/21 4:26:10 <Joshua Wise> Well Cryzel is done.

18/04/21 4:26:20 <Joshua Wise> Her legs and tail were amputated.

18/04/21 4:26:36 <Christine> I am crying

18/04/21 4:27:04 <Christine> I should have left this all alone from the beginning.

18/04/21 4:27:10 <Joshua Wise> Oh?

18/04/21 4:27:24 <Joshua Wise> How so?*throws Cryzel back into the car*

18/04/21 4:27:39 <Christine> As in I should not have talked with you tonight at all, Pitohui.

18/04/21 4:27:52 <Joshua Wise> Then no hospital.

18/04/21 4:28:00 <Joshua Wise> And a dead Cryzel.

18/04/21 4:28:19 <Joshua Wise> Oh well.

18/04/21 4:28:26 <Joshua Wise> I can fix this.

18/04/21 4:28:28 <Christine> No

18/04/21 4:28:29 <Christine> Wait

18/04/21 4:28:37 <Joshua Wise> *picks up speed*

18/04/21 4:28:41 <Christine> She’s not dead.

18/04/21 4:28:55 <Joshua Wise> LLEN, open the door and kick Cryzel out.

18/04/21 4:29:00 <Christine> NO!

18/04/21 4:29:11 <Christine> Take Cryzel back to Cwcville!

18/04/21 4:29:23 <Joshua Wise> If she hits a pole at this speed, she might just splatter!

18/04/21 4:29:45 <Christine> TAKE CRYZEL BACK TO CWCVILLE NOW!!!

18/04/21 4:31:00 <Joshua Wise> *LLEN opens the door*

18/04/21 4:31:22 <Joshua Wise> I got a song you might recognize.

18/04/21 4:31:25 <Joshua Wise> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qogVHlmFcx0

18/04/21 4:31:43 <Joshua Wise> *The car hits 106 mph*

18/04/21 4:32:01 <Joshua Wise> Ready Chrissy?

18/04/21 4:33:43 <Joshua Wise> Alright LLEN, Chris ain't responding.

18/04/21 4:33:50 <Joshua Wise> Kick the bitch.

18/04/21 4:34:25 <Joshua Wise> Oh SHIT

18/04/21 4:34:40 <Joshua Wise> An old Hilary billboard!

18/04/21 4:34:49 <Joshua Wise> Let's pay tribute to her!

18/04/21 4:35:13 <Joshua Wise> At this speed, Cryzel will make a nice splatter painting to Hilary's face~!

18/04/21 4:41:08 <Joshua Wise> KICK!!!

18/04/21 6:26:27 <Joshua Wise> Alright fuck it, we took Cryzel to a different hospital.

18/04/21 6:26:42 <Joshua Wise> She’s fine, with legs and a tail.

18/04/21 6:27:12 <Joshua Wise> Though you have to come on here and ask for me to send her home.''\

Rental House

2018-05-08T11:11:47Z

Caravaggio: Updated dead forum link

[[File:Rental House June 2014.jpg|thumb|The rental house in June 2014.]]
After the infamous [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire incident]] at [[14 Branchland Court]] in January 2014, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]], [[Clover and Snoopy]], and the lone surviving [[Chandler Cats|cat]] stayed briefly with a (deeply unfortunate) friend, and then moved into a temporary '''rental house'''. The rent was paid by their insurance company while the repairs to 14BC were being made. After about a year, they moved back into their original abode.

[[File:Ebay_violin_photo_-_22_Jun_2014_-_5.jpg|thumb|An [[eBay]] listing photo of the violin, posted on 22 Jun 2014, shows boxes of [[Lego]] and what appears to be rodent feces on the carpet in the background.]]

Based on GPS coordinates that diligent Christorians found in the EXIF data of [https://theawesomealliance.lego.com/media/gallery_images/756b9c90-86ec-465a-8679-e07334c5bbc6.JPG a photo] which Chris submitted to the [[Lego]] Awesome Alliance competition page,<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/28-3-2014-manchester-high-lego-competition-submission.3356/page-9#post-198196]</ref> the house appears to be located in [[Wikipedia:Barboursville, Virginia|Barboursville, VA]], a small unincorporated community on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville]]. However, Chris still seemed to be receiving mail at his old address, as shown in his begging for gifts on [[Facebook]], and on shipping labels on boxes seen in photos taken within the rental house.<ref>[[:File:14305203457_59102031b1_b.jpg]]</ref>

It's not known exactly what the Chandlers managed to save of their hoarded possessions, but Chris seemed to have brought with him his [[PS3]], at least one of his [[Wikipedia:Nintendo 3DS|3DS]], and the melted ruins of his [[Lego]] "replica" of [[Manchester High]]. Soon after settling in, Chris's days became dedicated to feeding his financially crippling Lego addiction, on which thousands of dollars were spent. Photos of the interior taken shortly after the Chandlers moved in depicted an accumulation of boxes and an already-filthy carpet. The house also had [[Internet]] access and a computer, which Chris eagerly used to conduct the usual [[Facebook]] shenanigans and order Lego online.

By [[June 2014]] the signs of Chandler habitation were highly apparent, as observed when Chris posted photos of his merchandise on [[eBay]] [[Chris and health|with rodent droppings clearly visible on the carpet]], the existence of which [[Chris and reality|Chris later denied despite having supplied evidence to the contrary]]. Between Barb's hoarding and Chris's nonchalance about living in abject filth, the fate of the rental house itself looked grim, and considering Chris's persistent failure to learn from his mistakes, it could have burned down just as 14BC did, or at least get major complaints from the landlord or next group of poor souls to rent it. During their [[Rental House Tour]] in August, [[Catherine]] and her cousin Al observed mounds of trash and dogshit. It is not yet known how the landlord responded to the state of the home after it was vacated by the Chandlers.

On 31 [[August 2014]], Chris wrote in a Facebook post that he had a date on that day with Catherine.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#First date?]]</ref> She would later on give an account of her "date" with Chris, which included a visit to the rental house. She reported that the rental house was becoming just as cluttered as 14 Branchland Court, with some places in the house "literally stacked to the ceiling with stuff". One of the two upstairs rooms used by Chris was filled with Lego, much of it damaged by the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]]. The Chandler pets used to defecate and urinate inside the house on newspaper, due to the Chandlers not taking them out for walks.<ref>[[Catherine#The date]]</ref>

On 6 [[November 2014]], while raging over a small brushfire on YouTube, Chris accidentally revealed his address as "Flintstone Drive." Fortunately for him, weens did not take the opportunity to mail unwanted stuff to him.

On 3 [[December 2014]], Chris announced he was expecting to move back into his renovated house in the next "couple of weeks". [[26 December 2014|The events of Boxing Day]] saw Chris briefly imprisoned in Albemarle County Regional Jail, although he was bailed out 2 days later. By January 2015, Chris and his mother had left the Rental House and moved back into the renovated 14 Branchland Court.

In [[April 2015]], a pair of Christorians decided to do a CWC tour while they were in the area for his hearing, and managed to find the Rental House, which was reportedly in a nice area, but still vacant ''four months'' after being vacated by Chris and Barb, speaking volumes about the damage inflicted by the slovenly duo. As aforementioned, it is unknown how the landlord reacted to this, if indeed they have at all.

{{clear}}
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg|The house and the Chandler cars, June 2014.
File:ChrisChanRentalHouseCoveredWindows.JPG|The house at night.
File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|Rodent droppings on the carpet.
File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 2.jpg
File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 3.jpg
File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 4.jpg
File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 5.jpg
File:Okcupid_8_jul_2014_2.jpg|The bathroom, seemingly lit artificially at night...
File:Okcupid 8 jul 2014 5.jpg|And during the day, with more light than anybody wants.
File:RentalHouse2015.jpg|The house in April 2015, having apparently survived the Chandlers.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Chris's homes]]
* [[Destruction Of Chris's House]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Chris and journalism

2018-05-01T11:03:09Z

Caravaggio: Updated piping

{{Incomplete}}

{{File:IdeaGuyCwc News Media.PNG|To Chris, a troll was a reliable news source|right}}
{{quote|There must be more written about Chris-chan than George Washington.|Harry Partridge}}

Throughout most of his life, Chris has been a subject of '''journalism''', reporting, and paparazzi, whether he's aware of it or not. Every aspect of his life is documented on [[the Internet]], on sites like the [[Kiwi Farms]], [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and [[CWCki|this one]]. The reason for this is largely due to his own willingness to openly admit and display his most embarrassing moments at the most inopportune times, although Chris himself is reluctant to admit this fact. As a result, Chris has received much attention from amateur journalists and forums, online or otherwise.

== Documentation on the Internet==

Believe it or not, the curiosity of Chris' life was pretty much what got the ball rolling for where Chris is today in terms of his fame on the internet. It all started when a [[Jason Kendrick Howell|curious troll]] just learned about Chris and his oddball lifestyle on [[4chan]], and therefore wanted to document it on Encyclopedia Dramatica to make fun of it. <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Encyclopedia_Dramatica</ref> This could have been the end of it if Chris simply handled this maturely, and just simply ignored the page as a whole. However, of course, he takes a completely unexpected route, and not only gives the trolls a good laugh but even reveals a lot of new information about himself.

=== Something Awful ===

The place where the internet first properly discovered Chris. Several forums were made about him merely days after his introduction. Chris seems to have not noticed this, however.

=== 4chan ===

Chris began getting attention on 4chan only days after, and knowledge of Chris was gained even moreso here. This site ultimately led to the creation of his article on Encyclopedia Dramatica.

=== Encyclopedia Dramatica ===

The start of Chris' infamy and years of being trolled. Several times, Chris has attacked and vandalized this site, which gave us the infamous [[ShecameforCWC]] and several more deep details about him.

=== CWCki ===

Chris doesn't hide his disdain for the CWCki, having [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|created]] [[User:JenkinsJinkies|several]] [[User:Christianchandler|accounts]] and complained about it rather frequently, however he largely pays no attention to it nowadays.

=== Wikipedia ===

Chris treated Wikipedia like Myspace and Facebook, turning his user page into an autobiography of his life (a violation of Wikipedia's rules). Other than getting his account terminated for this reason, he has also unknowingly journalized his entire life up to his discovery of Encyclopedia Dramatica, even if parts of it were [[lies|blatant lies]]. This means Chris gave the general public clues for them to be able to piece together how Chris became screwed up enough to have his own Encyclopedia page, as well as the basics as to how Chris thinks life should roll to fit his standards, giving Encyclopedia Dramatica and the Cwcki a lot to work with.

=== CWCipedia ===

Since Chris was busy screwing with other wikis and started ranting about how he got banned from every single one because of it, [[User: Cogsdev|Cogsdev]], being a good sport, decided to make a special wiki just for him, where Chris can document as much of his personal life as he so desires. Chris primarily used this wiki to work on the autobiography he desired to share on the internet, make rants about things that bothered him, talk about things he loves, talk about fan-made works, and make updates on some his own projects, such as his [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] comics and his [[Little Big Planet]] levels. Interestingly enough, despite not being Cogsdev intention, people got to learn more about Chris, as he has expressed more about his life and opinions than anyone would have originally bargained for. This has continued for a couple of months until the entire wiki has been disabled due to the massive amounts of vandalism done to its pages.

=== Kiwi Farms ===

==Interviews with Chris ==

Over the course of Chris's life, he has experienced many fascinating events, and received plenty of attention. Naturally, this piques the curiosity of others, and this has culminated in many '''interviews''' with Chris, whether through the Internet or in the flesh. As of October 2017, he will only do an interview if he is going to be [[Chris and his ego|paid for it]].

{{quotebox|Want to Interview Me? You May Now; accepting PAID Interviews. Email sonichumanager@gmail.com to set it up. Payment First and Upfront!}}

=== An Interview with the Chris-Chan ===
{{main|Christian Weston Chandler Interview}}

On the 17th of October [[2008]], Chris was granted his first official interview since his rise to internet fame through [[PSN]].

=== Chris-chan Discusses... ===
{{main|Chris-chan Discusses...}}

Chris-chan Discusses... is a series of interviews where Larry Bundy Jr., formerly known as Guru Larry, asks Chris questions that he usually avoids answering.

=== Arthur Spatchcock ===
{{main|CatKnight Interview}}

Roughly eight years after the PSN interview, CatKnight/MasterDisaster AKA Arthur Spatchcock interviewed Chris, posing as an interested English entrepreneur.

=== Lil E ===
{{main|BraveryJerk Interviews}}

On 8 [[September 2016]], a YouTube user by the name of [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd3_Cgy53iABR2i8s1L8Dtg Lil E] interviewed Chris at [[The End Games]]. The same individual, this time using his [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvEHyXZ-c1XpGAtG7OmsJdA BraveryJerk] account, interviewed Chris a second time at [[Cville Pride]] 2016.

=== Merryweathery ===

{{main|Internet Dream Lounge}}

On 4 [[September 2017]], Twitter user Merryweathery contacted Chris for an interview. After abandoning the first take for being too boring, he recorded a second interview on 4 October, which he found to be superior, and released it a few days later.

===Sachumo===

{{main|Sachumo}}

===CopperCab===

{{main|CopperCab}}

== Chris in the news ==

{{See also|Chris in the media}}

Besides gaining attention on social media, Chris' life story is sometimes broadcasted on public news. An infamous example of this is the news story of the [[Fire|destruction of his house]] on 10 January 2014.

== Chris as a journalist ==

Chris has always had a compulsion to document his own life, only talking about topics that affect him, and only using his publications to further express himself. During his trials and tribulations on [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] he took it upon himself to publish a newslettler. Funnily enough, his style is reminiscent of [[Wikipedia: Yellow journalism| Yellow Journalism]], being characterized by:

*[[Sonichu's News Dash#An indirect appeal to Mary|Scare headlines]] in huge print, often of [[Sonichu's News Dash#New Sonichu comics|minor news]].
*Lavish use of pictures, or imaginary drawings.
*Use of faked interviews, misleading headlines, pseudoscience, and [[Sonichu's News Dash#Chris's dating tips|a parade of false learning from so-called experts]].
*Emphasis on full-color Sunday [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm supplements], usually with comic strips.
*Dramatic sympathy with the "underdog" [[Sonichu's News Dash#Chris on PowerWeb|against the system]].

Chris [[Chris and his Ego|being Chris]] also incorporates elements from [[Wikipedia: Tabloid journalism| Tabloid journalism]], such as:

*[[Mary Lee Walsh|Sensational crime stories]]
*Gossip columns about [[Christian Weston Chandler|celebrities]] and [[Bionic the Hedgehog|sport stars]]
*Junk food news

After watching Sachumo's [[Documentary]] about him, Chris gave his own ideas about the production of a similar piece. To the surprise of no one he wanted to focus [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|more on the positives]], like the people whose lives have been made better by [[Trolls|interacting with him]].

===Idea Guy===

Since Early November 2017, Chris has been getting the latest news about CWCville from an anonymous troll known by the alias "[[Idea Guy]]".

== See Also ==

*[[Chris in the media]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
*[[Wikipedia]]
*[[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki]]
*[[Sonichu's News Dash]]

== Sources ==

<references/>

{{Chris and}}

PandaHalo

2017-11-22T07:39:36Z

Caravaggio: Fixed the reference link for IRC 21 January 2009

{{Quote|Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.|Chris, [[Chris and death|sensitive as ever]].<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|''[[Kacey]]:'' That would be horrible for you to ignore someone being raped like that, Chris... '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know. It was hard for me to ignore.|from [[Kacey Call 23]]}}

{{infobox
| title = PandaHalo
| image = [[Image:Pandathumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Birth name
|data1 = Sarah Cassandra McKenzie
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = PandaHalo Sarah-Heart<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref><ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 3]]</ref> Cassey Panda<ref>[[:File:Me and Panda Bear by SonichuSite.jpg]]</ref>
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = Australian
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Spouse
|data7 = [[Clyde Cash]]
|label8 = Children
|data8 = Penny Cash
}}

'''Sarah Cassandra Cash''' (née '''McKenzie'''; nicknamed '''"PandaHalo"''' and '''"Sarah-Heart"''') was [[Chris]]'s TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] in 2008-09 who lived in southern Australia before her "fiery death".

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==History==
[[Image:Me_and_Panda_Bear_by_SonichuSite.jpg|thumb|Chris isn't totally stupid: if he finds true love, he wants it in writing (''Note the bloody finger:'' using arterial blood!!!).]]

During the [[Blanca]] Saga, PandaHalo continued to send occasional messages to Chris. After Chris realized his mistake in believing in Blanca, he decided to declare his [[TRUE and HONEST]] love for Panda on September 24, 2008, through a Sonichu drawing.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Me_and_Panda_Bear_by_SonichuSite.jpg</ref>

Panda toyed with Chris for a while, discovering how desperate he was for [[China|sex]]. Panda really pushed the limits of acceptable behavior, and their conversations show just how gullible Chris can be when china is on the line. A good example is how she [[IRC (27 December 2008)|verbally abuses Chris while claiming that she's starting to fall in love]] with [[Robert Simmons V]], occasionally typing extremely obvious and specific insults to Chris and easily passing it off as some kind of bizarre form of Tourette's syndrome, or easily getting Chris to agree to bizarre sex acts, such as convincing him to have sex with a dog for her pleasure (for the record, he said he'd be willing to have sex with a collie, like Lassie)<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>. She managed to obtain the first footage of Chris masturbating and audio of Chris talking about his [[Sex Logs|sexual opinions]]. He also sent Panda a [[PSP]] that was originally intended for [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]. She purported to be a conservative Catholic, challenging Chris' views on premarital sex. He countered that his pastor had said it was permissable, apparently considering the fact that Panda subscribed to a vastly different theology completely invalid.

In a disturbing act of revenge, [[Clyde Cash]] flew to Australia and raped Panda.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> She fell pregnant with Clyde's child, a fact which didn't appear to faze Chris in the slightest. Clyde immediately and generously offered to take care of Panda and their baby in his mansion, whereas Chris "subtly" pressured Panda into getting an abortion. As Chris was in the middle of lecturing Clyde about forgiveness, he was in an unusually forgiving mood, and actively encouraged Panda to abandon her child to the man who'd raped her so Panda could live with Chris in his parents' house. While Clyde offered to house not only Panda and their child, but Chris as well, his stipulation that Chris would have to get a job nixed that idea. There was also the issue that Clyde's act of rape had gotten Panda addicted to sex (which, as a man who has [[Chris and sex|learned everything he knows about sex from porn]], Chris didn't at all question), and she expressed some interest in regular threesomes with Chris and Clyde. In the end, Panda gave Chris an ultimatum: [[Miyamoto Saga|talk to Nintendo to make ''Sonichu'' a reality]] so that Chris could support their future family together, and she would gladly abort Clyde's baby and live with him as his sex-addicted, baby-spewing wife. Failure to do so meant she would live with Clyde in his mansion and raise their child together. Chris, of course, wouldn't put in the effort to get the only [[Sonichu (game)|two]] [[china|things]] he had ever truly cared about, and forfeited Panda to Clyde. Shortly after, however, he heard about the Australian bushfires...

=="Death"==
Panda seemingly ceased to exist when Chris failed to meet her ultimatum, and Chris convinced himself that PandaHalo was one of the 173 people who died in the [[Wikipedia:Black Saturday bushfires|Black Saturday bushfires of February 2009]],<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_75 ''Sonichu'' #9, Episode #20, Page 75]</ref> but whether this is true or not shall remain a mystery '''forever'''. Chris's less-than-stellar knowledge of foreign geography meant that the fact that the fires occurred about a thousand kilometres from where Panda lived did little to inform his theory of her demise.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the fictional version of PandaHalo met her demise. After her building is "put ablaze," she hurls her Poké Balls out the window to save her Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]]. After approximately fifteen seconds of mourning, Blazebob reassures Chloe that they need to move on, mirroring Chris's [[Chris and death|lack of grief]] after the real Panda's untimely death.

==Rebirth==
It only took a year for him to get around to it, but Chris finally obtained some manner of revenge against Clyde Cash for the rape of PandaHalo in a [[Don't Mess With Me|recent YouTube video]]. Granted, it was a complete fantasy...but then, so are all of [[Sonichu_(comic)|Chris's victories]].

In an [[April 2010]] update to the [[CWCipedia]], Chris published a page discussing the women he's known in his life, including Panda. There, he revealed that he no longer believed she was dead. Instead:

{{quote|I recently learned that she was still alive, married to Clyde and with healthy child. Even though my memorial dedications were apparently a loss, I wish Sarah and Clyde many happy years in their marriage.|Chris, on the CWCipedia.}}

In [[Clyde E-mails|released e-mails]], Chris wrote that Clyde had told him that Panda had died, and that this had been a lie meant to get Chris away from her. In return, Chris sought to give Panda the PSN accounts he had made for her and held onto for over a year in exchange for proof of this.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Iamsvenka.png
Image:Chris_Chan_s_Panda_by_-2FC.png
File:Cashes.png|It's Panda, Penny and [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], and totally not a random picture from Google Image Search<ref>[[Clyde E-mails]]</ref>
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
* [[Chloe]] - A fictional girlfriend Chris made up after Blanca that served as a partial codename for Panda.
* [[Chris and death]]
* [[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Clyde E-mails]]

==External links==
*[http://pandahalo.deviantart.com/ Panda's deviantArt Profile]
{{Love quest}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:McKenzie, Sarah Cassandra}}
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:PandaHalo Saga]]

Women Only Need Apply - No STD's

2017-11-22T05:33:32Z

Caravaggio: Added a new Youtube link for viewing on site.

'''Women Only Need Apply - No STD's''' is a leaked video posted by the resurrected [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|CWCvilleLibrary]]. The video itself is mercifully only 2 minutes long and entails Chris offering [[Hanky-Panky|sex]] to women of [[homos|any]] orientation (except transsexual women [[Chris and Hypocrisy|of course]]) for ludicrous fees. Chris quotes $50 for ''a hug'', and goes on to say that $100 will, rather more reasonably, get the customer "just about anything" besides anal, which he doesn't do. Chris gives his prostitute name as "Stephanie Bustcakes," and left a new e-mail at the end of the video: "stephanie.bustcakes@gmail.com".

The YouTube channel where the video likely originated is [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCjT-fFsATb-5AccxRmvBpcA here]. The channel was created on 19 June 2016, meaning that Chris decided to become a prostitute on [[Bob Chandler|Father's Day]].

The original upload appeared to be stretched from its original 9:16 aspect ratio (which any 16:9 phone uses when recording in vertical mode) to 4:3, giving the video a distorted, stretched look. It was deleted from YouTube.

A corrected version of the video can be seen below, while the original version can be found [https://my.mixtape.moe/ydxcku.mp4 here].

== Video ==
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Stephanie Bustcakes
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=1PHv87fpNjI}}
| stardate = 22 [[June 2016]] (leaked date)
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2]]
| next = [[Announcement 06292016]]
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox| This is the CWCville Library - Christino, solicits for money. $50 gets you cuddles and $100 gets you pretty much anything else, Cradles his new Wiffuu as he obviously thought shaving this morning might be an a bit inconvenient. Video smuggled out by the CWC secret police (CWCSP) from unclassified sources - honest}}

==Transcript==

[''Chris speaks in an attempted seductive voice, upside down on his bed''] Hello ladies. How would you like to spend a little quality time-with this sexy bod, huh? [''wriggles around''] With these breasts. [''squeezes his mantits together''] And the thing that I was wrongfully born with [[Duck|down there]]. [''slaps his duck''] Good quality time, we could have it one way... or the lesbian way. So, for fifty dollars we could do a cuddle, and for a hundred dollars, [''winks''] you can do pretty much any- pretty much near anything. I don't do anal though! [''facial expression turns serious, creepily stares at the camera in silence''] I don't do anal... but will do anything else. We can even rock with [[Sex toys|toys]].

[''jump cut''] And I have... lots of hidden potential. So send an e-mail, [''grabs body pillow''] I'll give you a response. Tell me one little lovely, sexy evening... [''winks again''] with Miss Stephanie Bustcakes. Advice to the e-mail only, nobody with STDs, and only women of any orientation need apply. Well, straight lesbian and bi. All y'all got b- all y'all got the pussy! I'm very happy to work... [''flips over, slaps backside, and says something unintelligible''] and maybe show off my booty! [''rolls over again and rubs ass''] That booty look good enough for ya? [''silently wriggles his ass around''] So, respond now. [''winks and turns off camera'']

'''Text at the end of the video:'''

{{quotebox|Women Only need respond. Straight, Lesbian or Bisexual.

If you smoke, please put it out and air freshen the room prior to my arrival.

No STDs.

In-Area Only (Charlottesville, VA or local).

Email to stephanie.bustcakes@gmail.com for details and arrangments.}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2]]|nextlink=[[Announcement 06292016]]}}

{{BusinessList}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV

2017-11-08T11:55:00Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link that allows for onsite playback

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]] was a video leaked on 8 [[August 2010]]. In the video we see Chris, standing in the bathroom at his local Goodwill with what appears to be his ''[[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]]'' [[Chris and fashion|shirt]] on his head.

==History==
In [[May 2010]], Chris attempted to join the [[CWCki]] as "[[JenkinsJinkies]]". After he wrote the bizarre [[Coffee Place]] article, he was fooled into thinking he'd become a legendary [[troll]] and invited to join the "[[The Miscreants|inner circle]]" at [[Trollin Train]]. As part of the application process, he was required to make a video stating why he hated Chris, mention some nefarious trollings he'd done, and pledge allegiance to Clyde Cash.

It should be noted that Chris apparently thought that doing his [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]] impression (in lieu of digital distortion, as per the example video) and putting a shirt on his head would be enough to convince trolls that he was a fourteen-year-old boy.

{{Infobox/video
| name = JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=mUOVuGKAmy8}}
| stardate = 8 [[August 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[6 June 2010]]
| next = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
}}

{{quote|I've performed my own voice-check with my DSi's Voice-Recording Program; I've found the best method to completely change my voice is to go deep, and also pucker my lips while I spoke. It really worked.|[[Jackie_E-mails_5|Chris on the making of this video.]]}}

==Transcript==
[''Chris attempting to disguise his voice but only succeeding in sounding like someone doing a shitty Trump impression'']

To- For [[Clyde Cash]], and for everybody else on the [[CWCki|CWC-kii]]... I hate Christian Weston Chandler because...he is a lazy slob, [[Monthly tugboat|the money]] is wasted on him, he doesn't have to work for his money, damn that- damn him! And also, he is not friendly to us [[JERKS|males]]! He should be friendly to us males. It makes me- it really ticks me OFF. [''Grunt.'']

[''A PA announcement is heard in the background.''] Anyway, I have been trolling him... I sent him nice e-mails in the beginning when I started reading in- reading [[Sonichu (comic)|the comics]]...and, uh, then he did not reply, so then I sent him a bunch of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]], and then I pretended to be...you know, a whole bunch of other companies like that and such; (rushed) obviously he deleted my emails, but that's beside the point. Anyway, [''raises right hand and briefly slips out of character, doing his best two finger cub scout sign''] I pledge my allegiance to Clyde Cash [''lowers hand''] and everybody else at the CWCki of getting the information on Christian Weston Chandler.

I'm sorry I have been taking so long in doing this, but I was just getting settled in, into my new home across the street from his house. Black sheep of the family. They live in that house and they promise not to tell my family back up in Boston. But of course, you know also, I ha- I have, uh, trolled him, I found him over at the [[Burger King]] on the way back to Boston from South Virginia. As I have created [[Chris and his ego|the famous]] [[Coffee Place|Burger King page]].

Thanks very much; Clyde Cash, you rule.

[''walks offscreen'']

{{LeakedVideos}}

Apology to Emily

2016-02-08T03:29:34Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

On the evening of 16 [[March 2009]], Chris posted an '''Apology to [[Emily]]'''. Emily was mentioned in his previous video, and Chris had just stood her up on what was intended to be the original Emily Date.

==Watch==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Apology to Emily
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VjVMHQIudrk}}
| stardate = 16 [[March 2009]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[CWC_Callout_for_Miss_Emily_and_Stephanie#Watch|CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie]]
| next = [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place#Watch|Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]
}}
{{quote|I called out for you, but, uh… no response.}}

=== Transcript ===

[''sighs''] Hello. This, uh, message is for, uh, Miss Emily.

Mmm… I'm sorry—uh, I’m so—I apologize deeply for, uh, missing our meeting earlier today, but, uh, yeah, my—yeah, my mom, uh, w—was in disbelief, but yeah, also, my father was in ''full'' belief… and, uh, still conflicting—all the conflicting prob—all the conflicting opinions and whatnot just made me feel unsure. But I promise—I ''promise--'' Emily, I promise… [''shows “promise ring”''] I will—in the—in the next chance that I—next opportunity we g—uh, we schedule a meeting, I will definitely make it.

Mmm…

Well, anyway, again: I'm sorry. And I did wait at the church for you for half an hour. And I did pop—and I did drop by the, uh, mall… in front of the—in front of the—at the Chick—in front of the, uh, Chick-fil-A there. And I sh—and I called out—and I called out for you, but, uh… no response. So, I just didn't know what to make of that… at that point, as well.

Anyway, uh, call me back, and, uh… hopefully, we will get a chance to meet in person… on the next chance we get, and I just won't, uh, inform my mother about it.

Alright. Have yourself a fun spring break. I'll see ya in a couple of days.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie]]|nextlink=[[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2009| 2009-03-16]]

Kill De Jack

2016-01-30T13:46:19Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

"'''Kill De Jack'''" (officially "'''12252009 - KillDeJack.mp4'''") is a video uploaded on 25 [[December 2009]] where [[Chris]] calls for the murder of [[Jack Thaddeus]] on the feast of the Prince of Peace (which Chris admits is [[Chris and religion|"not very Christmassey"]]) and complains about the [[gay]] banner ads on CWCipedia and the [[20 December 2009|recent Times Square billboard]] where he's supposedly seen in a gay bar.

==Description==
{{quotebox|Down with Jack Thaddeus and his God Damn Homo Ads he has cast wrongfully on the Cwcipedia.

jackthethadius@yahoo.com; Plauge Him Back for his misdeeds!}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Kill De Jack
| video = {{#ev:youtube|e7JfpaUA1VU}}
| stardate = 25 [[December 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{YellowRedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]]
| next = [[Download For Play Only]]
}}

{{quote|I have to cover a whole section of my computer with a piece of paper... so I don't have to look at those goddamn things!}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate: Christmas Day, 2009.

I'm not going to beat around the bush even though the title of the video is not very [[Christmas]]sey, I have to use [[PSEye|the camera that gives me skips]] in the audio because my camera's battery is being—is being so...

[''Chris raises his [[Claw of Fail|claw]] and sighs.'']

Anyway... I'm very angry at that [[Jack Thaddeus]]! He thinks he can get away with dragging the [[CWCipedia]] down into a hellhole with the... ads he put up there. [''sigh''] It makes me sick. EEERRRRRGGHHHH! [''pause, sigh''] Anyways, he thinks he's all high and mighty with that dang voices. [''switches to a [[Speech impediment|bizarre high-pitched voice]], which is hard to understand''] "Hey! Look at me! I'm friggin' Jack Thaddeus! I got an alliance with [[Clyde Cash]] and I do [[12 October 2009|crazy]] animation, but [''Chris begins to mumble''] [[Clyde Cash|he]] doesn't care about it because he doesn't do nothin' kablah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blahhhh!" Pfft. Anyway, [''sigh''] I'm so sick of him! Eerrrgh! I'm suck sick of those ads, and I'm not the only person who's sick of those goddamn ads.

Every last one of those... [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|homosexual ads]]... Argh! I'm so mad! Argh! You know, [''raises claw''] Jack Thaddeus is nothing but a snivelling coward! Goddamn coward. And he h—he does not have even one Euro to his name, only American dollars... like about two hundred. And you know, that doesn't even cover 2000 euros, which, unfortunately, the euro is stronger than the American dollar at the time. Sad really. Anyway, collection agencies are gonna be on his ass, I tell you what. Anyway, I want those [[Homos|goddamn homosexual]] ads down! Enrgh! And also, another note: I'm a little frustrated about that billboard too! That's a lie! Set up by that stupid [[Clyde Cash]]! He uses another Photoshop picture of his... and posts it on the billboard... [''Chris pauses, looks panicked''] and everyone on the internet knows [[Chris and sex|I'm straight!]] And do not listen to anything that's on his [[YouTube]] account... whatsoever.

Anyway, I'm very— Anyway, I'm more angry at that Jack Thaddeus and those ads! Those ads are going DOWN!! They are going down, and I'm going to ban those homosexual ads! I only like pleasant—I only like pleasant ads because I have to cope with those... [[Stress|I have to c—do what I can to cope with those frickin' ads nowadays.]] [[Homos#Defenses against becoming homo|I have to cover a whole section of my computer with a piece of paper... so I don't have to look at those goddamn things!]] And you [[Chris and hypocrisy|have a life!]] And I'm work—and I'm working so much nowadays! I miss the days when it was just simply the [[Audiobooks]] from [[Vivian Gee]]. And by the way, she's working very hard to [[PS3|upgrade]] them to be of better quality not to mess up DVD burners and all that.

But anyway... errrgh... Jack Thaddeus, you're going down! [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|I'm not even going to talk to you anymore]], so [''middle finger''] you, Jack.

[[True and Loyal Fanbase|To everybody else]] [''flashes peace sign''], hope you have a Merry Christmas and wish you all a pleasant day. Peace out.

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]]|nextlink=[[Download For Play Only]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, December 2009| 2009-12-25]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-12-25]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2009-12-25]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-12-25]]

Victory Rockout

2016-01-20T19:22:12Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

'''Victory Rockout''' (originally called '''Skyrim Victory.mp4''') is a video leaked early in the morning of 28 [[August 2011]] by [[CWCki]] user Dinglebear, under the YouTube account "CWCvilleProductions". In this video, Chris flails around a ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller while dancing to Sbeast's [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyCFuP3rM2w metal version] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim|The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim]]'' theme. Chris completely disregards both the rhythm and structure of the original song, and just [[Random-access humor|screams whatever pops in his mind in a not-particularly-musical manner]]. It appears to be created in response to [[Thorg]]'s retirement from [[trolling]], referencing [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|Thorg's love for ''The Elder Scrolls'']].

Chris once again complains about [[CWCki]]. He's likely taking an issue with the PS3 Tracker on the front page, which said at the time ''"Chris was last spotted playing ''Fallout: New Vegas''. Chris has spent over $3,678.10 of YOUR money!"'' and is trying to hint that he's not spending ''that'' much money on video games. (It is worth noting that CWCki's numbers are on the conservative side.)

The video frequently skips and misses frames, which is most likely due to his [[PSEye]] being damaged ([[Chris and anger|again]]).

{{Infobox/video
| name = Victory Rockout
| video = {{#ev:youtube|41cBjmYezm8}}
| stardate = 28 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Comedy|[[Random Access Humor]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Green Shirt with Unreadable Text
| previous = [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]
| next = [[Response to ADF]]
}}

{{quote|Glad to see my remixes going to good use. . .|sbeast64}}

===Transcript===
''Chris kneels down and presses buttons on the [[PS3]] controller, and the music begins. He starts furiously slapping his [[Guitar Hero]] guitar.''

Eah, we got victory! I won with a victory! Victory on all damn cyber bullies! Cyberbullies gonna get their kickin', BAM BAM BAM! Bam! I kicked your head in, you damn dirty bullies! [''Strikes the air with his [[Gitar of Fail|guitar controller.]]] Whee!

You bullies are really, really stupid! Trolls are really, really stupid! Hey you bullies are really, really stupid! [[Random-access humor|Team Rocket]]'s stupid, you're stupid, you're stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID STUPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!

Hello, [[Ian]]! Why is your last name Brandon Anderson?!

{{RageQuote|[[Sex tape|JULAAAYYYYYY!]]}}

[''crows loudly like a rooster'']

Victory over the trolls! I'm also the creator of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]! Yeah! [''turns around and thrusts his ass towards the camera''] So you can kiss it! Kit! Kiss it! Kiss it!

And I paid ten dollars for this guitar and game combo, at a garage sale a couple weeks ago! I only paid $10 FOR ''Fallout: Vegas'' when it was on sale a previous time!

So your assumptions of what I paid for everything...INCORRECT!

The [[CWCki]]'s a damn [[lie]]! Ahhh....exaggerations! False implications! [[Nudes|Naked truths]] and a content plague inside contents!

Never trust the CWCki no matter what! [[Mailbag|If you have questions, ask me d'personally!]] I will answer with [[Honest Content|honesty!]] All they tell you is exaggeration and lies! Damned old internet bullies!

[[Death Threats|DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!]]

[''turns off [[PSEye]]'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]|nextlink=[[Response to ADF]]}}
{{Calling Out}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-28 v]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Pixelated PS3

2016-01-20T19:17:16Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link.

The '''Pixelated PS3''' is a Frankenstein-esque abomination made by [[Chris]] that combines a slimline PS2 with a casing made of randomly-colored (apparently ''black'' is a rare and coveted color) Lego and [[Pixelblocks]]. It appeared in a video of the same name that was created in [[November 2006]], as a submission to [[Adult Swim|''Robot Chicken'']]'s "What would you do for a [[PS3]]?" contest.

The Pixelated PS3 was shown to still exist by [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|29 September 2009]]. Luckily for Chris, he didn't overheat and destroy his PS2 by entombing it in so much plastic shit. The whereabouts of it after [[10 January 2014]] are unknown.

It should also be noted that Chris [[slow-in-the-minds|actually required notes]] so he could remember his basic, awkward-sounding lines.

There is another version of this video on the Director's Cut of Chris's DVD. However, it has not yet been released to the masses.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Pixelated PS3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kZacuPLitNk}}
| stardate = 28 [[November 2006]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
| next = [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE#Watch|Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]}}

{{quote|I'd throw away the cure for autism...''if I had it!''}}

=== Transcript ===
Hello. My name is Christian Weston Chandler, from [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]. [''[[Chris and brand loyalty|sings to the tune of the Klondike Bar jingle]]''] “What would you do for a [[PS3]]?” What I would do for a PS3? ''I'' tell ya what I'd do!

''Well'', if I had the [[monthly tugboat|money]], I'd wait in line! Like all the other people did with their ''tents'' and all that good stuff. I'd throw away the cure for [[autism]]...''if I had it!'' 'Cause I wanna get rid of that dog—doggone, long—life-long curse that I've had. [''looks at piece of paper with scribbled-down notes''] And, uh...oh, yeah! I would trade in my...PS2 for another thing! Or, uh, otherwise, um...I'd make one from ''wood'' [[Duck|if it was hard enough!]]

But you know what ''I'' did? ''I'' did it! [''reaches down and picks up fake PS3''] I made it--made one from Legos and [''voice cracks with excitement''] ''Pixelblocks!''

And--believe it or not...I actually play ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on this thing! [''switches to a deep voice and Scottish accent''] ''[[Random access humor|Thunderhorse!]]'' [''reaches towards the camera to turn off recording'']

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0783-LegoPS3AndGuitar.JPG
Image:0784-LegoPS3-1.JPG
Image:0785-LegoPS3-2.JPG
</gallery></center>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|nextlink=[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2006-11-28]]

Harvey Birdman commercial

2016-01-20T19:16:09Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

{{Quote|My entry was very dramatic, and a lot BETTER than that piece of poo, or any of the others that made the top 5 as well! I'm very upset about that! [[Chris and his Ego|My "CWC's Harvey Birdaman Spot" was the BEST, and I feel sorry for you]], [[Adult Swim]], for not noticing that! You all should take another good look at it and seriously reconsider!|[[Chris]], being a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|good loser]] as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}

The '''Harvey Birdman Commercial''' is a commercial produced by Chris in February [[2005]] as part of a contest held for [[Sonic Boom|Cartoon Network]]'s [[Adult Swim]] block. Adult Swim held a contest inviting viewers to make a commercial for the ''[[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law]], Vol. 1'' DVD set (or ''[[Speech impediment|Harvey Dirdban]]'', as he seems to pronounce it). Always willing to earn fame and fortune with minimal effort, Chris stepped up and produced an advertisement promoting himself, his eternal rivalry with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Sonichu]]...and Harvey Birdman.

Chris is not famed for his conciseness, to say the least, but due to the contest rules specifying 28-30 second entries, Chris chose his loquacious pitch at a manic pace rather than omitting anything from his agenda. One can only imagine [[Animal Crossing Documentary|the 17-minute infomercial]] Chris would have delivered, had he been allowed.

Shockingly, Chris's barely comprehensible spiel about self-promotion with a cursory mention of Harvey Birdman did not win. This inspired him to post a complaint on [[Adult Swim posts|the [as] forums]] (to be precise, he posted the same complaint twice), but for some reason, Chris's idea of justice was never served.

The commercial appears in somewhat poor quality on ''[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]'', but he also uploaded a better version of the same footage to his original [[YouTube#Sonichu_.28May_2007-September_2008.29|YouTube]] account some time prior to October 31, [[2007]].

==Appearance==
If one can look past the [[Chris and cinematography|poor lighting]], viewers may notice that, in this video, Chris actually wasn't that [[fat]] during this period in his life. Not as fat as now, anyway. Also, if Chris were to record this today, he would almost certainly tear off his [[Glasses#Dramatic_glasses_removal|glasses]] for maximum effect.

==Chris's entry==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Harvey Birdman Commercial
| video = {{#ev:youtube|T1eYxhk5Y4s}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2005]]
| subject = {{Television|[[Contests]]}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[All I Want For Christmas Is A Pretty Girlfriend]]
| next = [[Pixelated PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
HELLO! I hired Harvey [[Speech impediment|Dirdban]], Attorney at Law, to help ME, Christian Weston Chandler, in my case against Mary Lee Walsh, who, years ago, shattered my heart. And he has won the case for me, and he has won for me...a ''Harvey Birdman'' 2-disc DVD box set which comes out April 12, 2005!

Features deleted scenes! Live-action open! Casting what-ifs and [[Wikipedia:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Coleburt]] and [[Wikipedia:Todd Barry|Todd Barry]] as Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law! ''Harvey Birdman'' movie! "Shaggy Busted" pencil tests! And episode commentary!

Let Harvey Birdman work for you!

[''rapidly displays two custom cards depicting himself and [[Sonichu]]''] This has been a Christian Chandler/Sonichu production.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|nextlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{References}}

[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2005-02-24]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2016-01-20T19:15:41Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and [[Clyde Cash|TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES]] and [[Homos|NOT TO MOST]] [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl," 11 [[November 2007]] [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]].<ref name="ed">[http://web.archive.org/web/20091223054201/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 Encyclopedia Dramatica (Wayback Machine), as of 12/23/2009]</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'', by the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|titular band]]. It is sung over "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys. [[Chris]] describes it in an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] edit as his "[[Love Quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.

Bizarrely enough, since [[November 2013]] the song has been available for download for 89 cents on Amazon's MP3 store. According to the copyright date, Chris used Distrokid.com and some of his [[monthly tugboat]] to get it up on there. Of course, it's possible that a [[troll]] put it up there and is [[Jimmy Hill|making money off of Chris's work]].

==Song==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VR1kZnhuM3I}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| maker = Chris
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{Other|[[Noviophobia]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see da ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the [[jerks]] 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref name="ed"/>''

==Music video==
{{Main|All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend}}

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{Other|[[Noviophobia]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|[[Chris and hypocrisy|Drunk]]}}
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video (in which, in an attempt to evoke Michael Jackson, he <s>slaps his hand on</s> grabs his crotch) makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

=== Transcript ===
'''Chris:''' [''fervently slaps crotch at the end''] LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. [''There are no takers, just laughter'']

'''Man:''' [''bewildered''] Oh-ohh-OHHH, buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!

==Covers==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|B_4-YTPxLFM}}
| stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = [[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]] response from the real Chris Chandler. Main vocals by Liquid's brother, SimplySpoons/Jon D.
}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8DTg4nx_dCE}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]].
}}
|}
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl (Medley)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xjuc5iQ-eAk}}
| stardate = 11 [[June 2012]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GhostofBillRiley GhostofBillRiley]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = A medley of several covers mixed together with the original.
}}</center>

== References ==
<references/>

== See also ==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with rage]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-24]]
[[Category:Music]]
[[Category:Music Videos]]

Chris humps his PS3

2016-01-20T19:14:03Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Vidya reaction to cwc.jpg|thumb|/v/'s reaction]]

{{Quote|I humped it for eight [[Obesity|sweating]] minutes, and I just gave you the song and dance [...] If I am NOT satisfied with FULL Return of my Accounts AFTER I WENT THROUGH ALL THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' [[Stress|TORMENT AND TORTURE]], it will be ON your head and In your [[Dreams|nightmares]].|Chris to [[Jack]]<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 3]]</ref>}}

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris]] '''humping his beloved [[PS3]]''' was leaked onto [[4-cent garbage]]'s /v/. In it, Chris makes love to his "Life Upgrade" for eight minutes, although he can only stay standing for the first minute. What might at first seem to be just an impressive display of fanboyism is actually a desperate plea for the return of his international [[PlayStation Network]] accounts, seemingly being held to ransom by the irrational expert hacker [[Jack Thaddeus]].

Chris himself sat in on an [[IRC (23 July 2009)|IRC chat]] where a coterie of [[trolls]] planned the making of the video, where he believed that he had effectively hidden his identity. Bits of Chris's monologue are simply repetitions of what he heard during the chat.

In his wisdom, Thaddeus never returned the PSN accounts to this day.
__TOC__
 
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris humps his PS3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|R2UHhyIBlmw}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 24 July 2009
| Subject Matter = {{Sex|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = {{Comedy|text}}
| Shirt = [[Image:BlueTshirt.png]] Blue T-Shirt
| Other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Cwc dare]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
}}

===Transcript===
{{infobox
| title = Statistics
| image = [[Image:rankS.jpg]]
| label1 = Damn Count | data1 = 42
| label2 = Fuck Count | data2 = 21
| label3 = Give (X) Count | data3 = 23
| label4 = Jack Thaddeus Count | data4 = 17
| label5 = Number of Humps | data5 = 1173
| label6 = Avg. Humps Per Second | data6 = 2.23
}}

[''Chris moves the camera, holding his PS3, then begins humping it while standing to his side.''] Oh, damn you Sack Thaddic—[[Jack Thaddeus]], give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. I'm. So. Damn. Stu. Pid. I've. Got. A. God. Damn. Mother. Fuckin'. 6. Inch. Cock. With. 4. Inch. Di. Am. Ih. Ter. BAWLS. I hope you—-uh...gimme back. My. Play. Station. Network. accounts. [''He moves to the center.''] Givem back to me, begging you...humping...nearly...on...mother...fuckin'...knees. You are...so...damn...this...is...the...worst...of...black...mail. Give me back my Play...Station...Ne--Network accounts. All...5...of those out-of-country a--ccounts.

[''He moves to his side again.''] I don't know if I could do this any better. But I'm doing this damn, damn, damn motherfucking hump! [''[[sigh]]s twice, before sitting down and continuing to hump''] Heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, mother...fucking heavy...motherfucking heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy...like a woman, with...heavyweight body type and damn...G...cup...breasts. It's a torture. It's a...pain, making me have to do this for 8 damn minutes. [''stands up again''] So, damn. [''sits down again''] Damn, damn, damn, emdamn, damn, damn, UGH damn. Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack motherfucking Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts and [''grabs the [[PSEye]] and moves it lower''] hold up your end of the bargain like you promised and leave me the motherfucking alone. Go bother somebody else you damn...[''panting and sighing'']

Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Networks account, you expert hacker! You, you ir—rational expert! Motherfucking...burning-in-hell...hacker! I don't even know how you even got the damn information about those 5 in the motherfucking first place! Jack Thaddeus, [''whiny''] GIVE ME BACK MY PLAYSTATION NETWORK ACCOUNTS!

This hurts! OH, this hurts! OH, this mother...fucking...hurts...uh...mother...uh...uh...uh...motherfucking hurts. Give me back my PlayStation...Network...'counts. [''moves the camera closer''] Oh, and some...motherfucking...master...of obvious social inquiries with DAMN drug deals, DAMN cocaine, GOT A family somewhere, someway or another...Alex being one of your damn relatives somehow, no idea, but give me back my...PlayStation Network accounts, yi motherfucking idiots. This really is a paaaain! It hurts, it hurts, because...the dang, dang 'ing is...so motherfucking heavy. I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! [[The_MovingForward_videos|Kill the Xbox!]] New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360. You look at it makes you turn around--[[IRC_(23_July_2009)| makes you do a 360° and walk away]]. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor_Roll|whatever the half of 360°]] is. [''stops, then continues'']

Ugh, damn, damn, damn, [''stands up''] damn, damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts I love PlayStation Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 3 fits—360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn, damn, damn, damn. Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. All 5 of those...out of...United States of America accounts.

Give 'em...all back. Give 'em all back. Give 'em. Give 'em all back. Ugh. [''sits down again''] Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em. ''GIVE 'EM. GIVE 'EM. GIVE 'EM. Give 'em back. Jack Thaddeus, motherfuckin' bastard. Think you're so, oh yeah, you so tough.'' You think you man. Some day you're gonna fall. You're gonna fall...and...God help you when you fall. You'll be down to hell, but I guess you don't care 'bout that, you're just a...motherfucking prince of hacking and torturing. Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts, you Jack Thaddeus. Ugh. Ugh. Oh, Jack Thaddeus. ''Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my motherfucking...PlayStation Network accounts.

Hey hey, yeah yeah,'' [[CWC "Boyfriend" | I don't like your boyfriend. No way, no way. Girl, I think you need a new one. Hey hey, yeah yeah, girl, woman, I could be your boyfriend]]. 'Cause...I am damn straight. Uh, damn rumors on the Internet from damn trolls make a mockery outta me and everything I do. That's...drawn me down to...quit drawing 'cause I lost motherfucking inspiration. Uh, damn, Jack Thaddeus give me back my PlayStation Network accounts.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris screws his Playstation
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6SbiSvMhor0}}
| Stardate = 05 November 2009
| Maker = ujustgotpwned2008
| Subject = Porn remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = WELCOME TO THE INTERNET
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dvl5qFuWfxs}}
| Stardate = 05 November 2009
| Maker = ujustgotpwned2008
| Subject = Still Alive remix
}}

==See also==
* [[PS3]]
* [[Mass debating]]
* [[HEXBox]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Cwc dare]]|nextlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|}}
{{References}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

Clyde Cash the kid video

2016-01-20T19:11:36Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

'''Clyde Cash the Kid''' is a video, uploaded on 16 [[September 2009]], in which [[Chris]] claims to know that [[Clyde Cash]] is alive and well, and that he is an elementary school kid. Amazingly, Chris pulled this video from his account mere minutes after it was posted, perhaps because he realized that there might be consequences for both cursing and "threatening" a small child with arrest. It's a near-miracle that the video was able to be archived on [[the CWCville Library]] (before that got taken down as well).

The audio in the video is very hard to hear, once again showing Chris's [[Chris and cinematography|competent prowess at using his]] [[PSEye]] [[Honor roll|correctly]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Clyde Cash the kid video
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZFoGjFno50A}}
| stardate = 16 [[September 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]
| next = [[19 September 2009]]
}}
{{quote|YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WHINY LITTLE BRAT!}}

=== Transcript ===
Ahh, no [[Captain's Log]] required, even though, y'don't know what the date is, is about 16th. Anyway, OK, [[Gregg Mays]], you pulled a nerve. Gregg Mays, Clyde Cash, whoever you are, I know you use the same e-mail address he used. You obviously are either one and the same person or you're just a, little brat hiding behind, wh--hiding the--behind da names. But I ''know'' you.

You live in Kentucky. You go to an elementary school. '''YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WHINY LITTLE BRAT!''' Anyway, a-anybody who k-who knows zeez-who knows this person he goes to Second Street Elementary School, in Frankfurt, Kentucky. Anybody who ss-who knows this person, or has seen him, please report him to the Frankfort, Kentucky [[Jerkops|police]] IMMEDIATELY!

You've gone too far. You're a stubborn littl--you're a whiny little nuisance of a brat. '''Give it up!'''

Peace to everybody else, '''CURSE TO THE GREGG MAYS/CLAIG CASH'''...'''CHILD!'''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]|nextlink=[[19 September 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-16]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-09-16]]
[[Category:Videos with RAGE]]

30 Push-Ups

2016-01-14T10:45:58Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

"'''30 Push-Ups'''" (originally "'''10302009 CWC 30 Push Ups'''") is a video in which Chris attempts to do, well, thirty push-ups.

Chris's physical fitness has been questioned many times. When asked to make a video proving he can do thirty push-ups, this is what he provided. In the video, Chris is seen attempting to perform push-ups to Survivor's "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]". Chris appears to be either ignorant to the proper form of a push-up or simply cannot perform one; he does not do a single rep in good form. If this were the military, a personal training session, or even an elementary school gym class, an official would say Chris has done 0 push-ups, not 30. Despite taking an arguably easier form of the push-up, Chris still becomes visibly fatigued only part-way through the video.

Not much else goes on in this video, though it should be noted that Chris's pair of [[plush breasts]] makes another cameo.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC 30 Push-Ups
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ytmjUTwQ2Nw}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2009]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Getting Foam Ed]]
| next = [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Suffering.jpg|thumb|Chris suffers through his thirtieth failed attempt at a push-up.]]

'''0:05 - 0:36:''' ''Chris repeatedly does a pushup-like motion where his face is at least 18" off the floor at all times and his back is arched. His pelvis touches the floor several times. At 0:13, the opening guitar riff from "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" becomes audible.''

'''0:37 - 0:43:''' ''Becoming exhausted after thirty seconds of an attempt at showing off his strength, Chris struggles under his own body weight, exhausted and consistently fails to perform a proper push-up. Nonetheless, he counts off how many "reps" he thinks he's done.''

'''0:44 - 1:02:''' ''Chris moves his hands towards his distended, swollen belly. He moves his upper trunk off the ground, and then raises his hips, counting these as a "push-ups."''

'''1:03 - 1:20:''' ''Chris groans and rests his weight on his forearms. He then repositions his hands near his breast and counts the next awkward thrusting motion as "twenty-four." He is no longer moving his hips off the ground, and is just raising his trunk up and down, painfully. His face appears contorted, as if in great discomfort.''

'''1:21 - 1:29:''' ''His face contorted in an agonized grimace, Chris moves most of his body off the ground for the "29th" rep. His knees and feet are cleverly positioned out of the camera frame throughout the video. He pauses for a second or two before doing the last rep, visibly on his knees for this one. For some reason, his back shakes alarmingly as he counts off the "30th" rep. Still on his knees, he turns off the video camera.''

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC: An insperation to everyone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5wJqmTOhyas}}
| maker = The Official CWC Fanart Page!
| stardate = 1 [[November 2009]]
| type = [[Parody]] set to "Scarface (Push It to the Limit)" by Paul Engemann
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Getting Foam Ed]]|nextlink=[[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey]]|}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-30]]

It's UGH!

2016-01-11T09:26:09Z

Caravaggio: Added a new video link

"'''It's UGH!'''" is the bizarre name to a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 24 [[July 2009]], before removing it a short time later in usual CWC fashion. The video features him begrudgingly singing along to the song "OK2B[[Gay]]" by Norwegian [[wikipedia:Bubblegum dance|bubblegum dance]] singer [[Tomgirl|Tomboy]]. At the end of the video he curses at [[Jack Thaddeus]] (who had made [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris hump his PS3]] within the same day) and "[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha whatever]]."

What Chris doesn't seem to understand is that "OK2BGay" is sung tongue firmly grasped in cheek. While the song's message is intended to be serious, lines like "[[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|pick up the soap]]" are clearly being sung in self-parody.

The version of the song Chris uses in the video is not the album version, which doesn't begin with music box sounds and a chorus of voices. This is somewhat justified by the fact that the album is unavailable in America.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's UGH!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5NZw7tRNa2A}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{BrownLogoShirt2|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[It's UGH!#Remake Video|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Up until 0:36, the only audio from the video is the opening of the song's video version. Chris is shown grimacing in pain over the chorus of [[JERKS]] singing. He starts [[Chris and music|singing]] at 0:37, in a very unsettling and [[alcohol|drunken]] growling Kermit the Frog impression. Chris actually talks at 4:04.'']

<poem>It's okay to be [[homos|gay]], let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your [[semen|load]]
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
Queen of the balls
Some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
Open your eyes
It's a matter of size

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way ''[gagging sounds]''
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah (sing hallelujah)
It's getting to ya (it's getting to ya)

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade

Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay!

Ugh. Yech. Ung... uck. Damn you, Jack Thaddeus slash Samantha whatever.</poem>

==Remake==
[[Image:TrickeryFail.jpg|thumb|Chris thought he would be clever if he made the video by not actually titling the video "It's Okay to be Gay," in addition to having tags "It's a Mockery you damn, dirty [[homos]]."]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], not satisfied with a video of Chris singing in a dumb voice and covering himself on camera most of the time, wanted a version of Chris singing it with more vigor.

'''It's____''', a remake of It's UGH!, was uploaded on the following day, 25 [[July 2009]]. Chris is seen disguised with a [[KCWC broadcast|Groucho Marx]] mask, along with the hat of his [[Officer Nasty]] sex doll. Note, surprisingly, that Chris looks somewhat thinner in this video which just goes to show that black (and stained sex-doll accessories) really is slimming. The YouTube search tags read out, "It's a Mockery you damn dirty [[homos]]." He changes some of the pronouns of the lyrics to "she". In the last sentence of the video, he says that it's not okay to be gay, as yet another feeble attempt to "outwit" the [[trolls]].

{{clear}}

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's____
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-zwRscjKze4}}
| stardate = 24 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| previous = [[It's UGH!#Video|It's UGH!]]
| next = [[Cwc dare]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Kick the Autistic|Merry Kickmas]]. [[Random-access humor|Why not?]]

It's okay be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way 
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 

Father figures we are 
You're a shooting star you've come so far 
I was once in your shoes 
In a closet like you 
I had nothing to lose 

Hey man gay man pick up the soap 
Get on your knees and pray 
Hey man gay man 
Release your load 
You've got to cease to delay 
The gay way 

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 
Hooray! For the man! 

Ooh, strong man 
queen of the balls 
some brotherly love is a pleasure for all 
Come out 
open your eyes 
it's a matter of size. Siiiiize 

Hey man gay man pick up the soap 
Get on your knees and pray 
Hey man gay man 
Release your load 
you've got to cease to delay 
The gay way 

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Okay to be gay! 
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way 

Sing hallelujah 
It's getting to ya 

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Homo dork! 
Now remember 
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over 

It's okay to be gay! ...'sokay to be gay! let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
It's okay! 
Hooray for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 

West is where you should go 
To San Francisco 
I get that you know 
Would you gather my face 
So united we stand in a gay parade 
A human serenade [''cough''] 

[''mumbling''] Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! for the kind of man that ''she'' will find in the gay way 
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way 
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way 

It's ''not'' okay to be gay! [''Chris takes off his Groucho glasses, throws them to the ground, and makes a pose'']

===Altered description===
The next day, Chris added a changed description.
{{quotebox|I INFORM YOU TRUE,

I was Blackmailed originally into singing that Damn, Dirty Song. Upon Initial Reading of the Lyrics, I FELT QUEASY and GOING TO THROW UP. I expressed that Fully in the FIRST TRIAL of singing it, even though I deleted it, someone else may have Mirrored those Close-Ups of my body and Vocals. I REMAIN STRONG AND TRUE; ONLY Straightness is Rightous; "Gay" IS "Stupid", and DO NOT use the word "[[homos|Gay]]" IN ANY SENTENCE, UNLESS you are actually talking to or about a PAPER-CERTIFIED Homosexual (they're already all damned).

I AM A PAPER-CERTIFIED STRAIGHT MAN; I Personally Hold ALL the paperwork.

For the while, with "[[SingStar Challenge Round 4|Stan Bush]]" at my PSP/PC/[[PS3]] offering me Inspiration to continue on. I required an instance WHY of all human and God-Giving Reason, and if it was AT ALL, that original track ever GOOD and Beneficial for the Cause to Stay Straight. It took an Ex-Troll-Turned-Friend to let me know that TomBoy ORIGINALLY wrote that song as a MOCKERY. That was ALL I need to know and hear to MAKE MY MOCKERY to Gays, and SING ON. I have fulfilled my End of the Deal with Victory and Valour towards the Rightous Cause of Being Straight. I had "From the darkness stumbled into the Light". While it "Seems like it's been Forever", This was the "Last Round" that I had to "Fight for what I Know IS RIGHT". "Everyone may try to Break my Spirits, Keepin' Me Down," But NO MORE.

I, "Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] and [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]], [[Virginia]]; TRUE ORIGINAL Creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], WITH EYE-WITNESSES back on HIS and HER Dates Of Creation and Birth, AM BACK, and I will not stand idle and be Disrespected with fellow Local Citizens of all [[JERKS|Gen]][[Women's rights|ders]] and [[Chris and race|Races]] Falling in That Disrespect In My Wake.

I thank you ALL to RESPECT and CONTINUE RESPECTING Me, My Friends, My Hometowns, and THESE United States of America. I AM STRAIGHT; CUT YOUR DAMN, DIRTY "GAY" THEORIES THE FUCK OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE FOREVER.

Thank You.

Christian Weston Chandler, July 25, 2009 }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]|nextlink=[[Cwc dare]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-07-24]]

Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway

2015-12-09T01:30:09Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

[[File:0441-MarioKartGPGroup.jpg|thumb|250px|Racers 01-09.]]
[[File:0443-9KartCarrier1.jpg|thumb|250px|A cart carrier.]]
'''''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway''' is a video series from [[Chris|Chris's]] [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"I'm on TV" DVD]]. It was filmed using a Game Boy Camera in [[1998]], when Chris was still in [[Manchester High School]].

==Production==

The [[Wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] is a bulky Game Boy accessory cartridge with a camera built into it, which can be placed into a Game Boy and be used to take grainy black-and-white pictures. Afterward, these pictures can be edited in various ways; they can be drawn on, turned into sprites for a handful of minigames, be printed out with another expensive accessory called the "Game Boy Printer", or strung together to make an animation as Chris did. Using the camera and his [[LEGO]] collection, Chris made a stop-motion animation of the cars racing around his Lego city and firing shells (or in this case, Star and Circle shapes) at each other, then added some appropriate music.

The Game Boy Camera can only hold thirty pictures at a time. That isn't nearly enough for even half a lap. What Chris did was take the thirty pictures, edit them appropriately, string them together into an animation, record the animation, and then repeat the process over and over. To make the sudden starting and stopping seem more "natural", Chris put a second of static at the end of each set of pictures. This didn't do anything to change the fact that the twenty-second music clip Chris used for his animation gets more grating every time it is used.

It is impressive that Chris expended so much time and effort at such a complex and frustrating task, especially considering that years later, he would draw ''Sonichu'' comics without any planning or practice and [[Brutal Legend|upload YouTube videos without bothering to check them over first]]. Despite this, the actual animation is jerky and erratic, presumably due to the extremely low frame-per-second count (the average stop-motion production has 12 frames per second).

In the actual race videos, it's near impossible to tell what's going on, since most of the racers look exactly the same in poor quality black-and-white pictures. It doesn't help that the racing is regularly interrupted by confusing sequences where outsiders attack the racers.

The sequences also appear to have been transferred onto VHS tape at some point, as evidenced by the vertical stabilization problems, the noise at the bottom of the picture at the beginning of the first video, and the general picture quality of the video. Chris got the video on VHS by hooking his Game Boy Camera to a [[Wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] for his SNES, then hooking up the SNES to his VCR and then recording it that way.

==Plot==

Most of the video is taken up with depicting four kart races based on ''[[Wikipedia:Mario Kart 64|Mario Kart 64]]''. As with all of Chris's projects, the characters competing are from Chris's family, gal-pals, and characters from his favorite media series - in this case, [[Lego]], [[Power Rangers]], [[Nintendo|Super Mario]], ''[[Wikipedia:Dexter's Laboratory|Dexter's Laboratory]]'', [[Star Wars]], a ninja and, bizarrely, "[[Wikipedia:Andy Griffith|Andy Griffit]]". Some [[Pokémon]] show up too. Oddly enough, there is no sign of [[Sonic]], or even [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] (who had been invented two years earlier).

However, what is very easy to tell is that Chris was perhaps even more of a God-moder in his younger days than he is now, perhaps only now eclipsing his past self with his actions in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. In all three races in which Chris appears, he wins easily - in his second race, he even has time to fight Darth Maul and get back on his kart in time to win.

===Interval sequences===

Chris also spends some time in-between races describing his [[Power Rangers]] team, made up of him, [[Cole Smithey]], [[Laura Dorazio]], [[Wikipedia:Princess Peach|Peach]], [[Wikipedia:Mario|Mario]] and [[Wikipedia:Mega Man|Mega Man]]. Unsurprisingly, Chris makes himself the leader. He also spends almost a minute (and several takes worth of animation) showing several karts combine into the KART MEGAZORD, a powerful weapon never seen since until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], and even then it hasn't really done anything yet.

He also supplies a tour of his Lego town, which he had not yet christened "[[CWCville]]", which features an Information Center, the Start/Finish Line, Lego Lake, Mt. Extreme, Band Stand, and Fonz's Kart Shop.

==Videos==
===Prototype===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Prototype
| video = {{#ev:youtube|BM1ezNZCs3o}}
| stardate = 4 [[June 1998]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}, {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|Song of Christian]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Part_1|Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Part 1]]
}}

[''Super Game Boy logo appears mid-animation.'']

[''Screen is white for approximately 10 seconds.'']

[''"© 1995 Creatures; © 1995 GAME FREAK"'']

[''Game Boy Camera opening screen appears and Mario dances.'']

[''Game Boy Camera interface appears and then disappears'']

[''"CHRISTIAN CHANDLER LEGO RACEWAY - Mario Kart 64"'']

[''Four cars drive by.'']

[''"THE END"'']

[''A screen reading "ANIMATION: Press (A) to begin" appears before the video freezes.'']

===Part 1===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3umuxQk75SY}}
| stardate = 4 [[June 1998]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}, {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Prototype]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Part_2|Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Part 2]]
}}

[''Music starts up'']

[''"Christian (c) Chandler Mariokart 64 LEGO RACEWAY 6/4/98"'']

[''"Mario Kart 64 Line-Up:"'']

[''We see a Lego minifig in overalls and a conductor's hat. The label says "Mario."'']

[''2 Christian Chandler"'']

[''"CRASH DUMMIE 3"'']

[''"Peach 4"'']

[''"Megaman and Rush 5"'']

[''"JAILBRAKE JOE 6"'']

[''"Barbara Chandler 7"'']

[''"Cole Smithey 8"'']

[''"POWER RANGER Christian Chandler 9"'']

[''"TONY TWISTER 10"'']

[''"LUIGI 11"'']

[''"ALPHA DRACONIS 12"'']

[''"SANTA CLAUSE 13"'']

[''"Infomaniac 14"'']

[''"DEXTER 15"'']

[''"Laura Dorazio 16"'']

[''"QUEEN GYPSY MOTH 17"'']

[''"Pharoh's Mummy 18"'']

[''"ANDY GRIFFIT 19"'']

[''"冬 BONSAI 20" 夏春期'']

[''"Sarah Hammer"'']

[''STATIC'']

[''RACE 1: Racers 1-10 3 Laps'']

[''We see the racers waiting up at the starting line. The camera circles around giving us a 360 degree view. The starting light changes, and the race is on!'']

[''Christian has the early lead, and he turns left into a shortcut. Mario tries to follow him but hits the edge, spinning out of control.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Power Ranger Christian and Santa Clause pass Mario, and Mario follows.'']

[''Chris drives onto a bridge, followed by QUEEN GYPSY MOTH. Mario again spins out of control, missing the bridge entirely.'']

[''Jailbrake Joe and Power Ranger Chris go on the bridge.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Zoom in on Power Ranger's wheels. White dots come out of the back, as though he is revving up. He backs up and corrects his direction.'']

[''We see Chris crossing the bridge. QUEEN GYPSY MOTH is at the head of the pack, and Chris cuts her off.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''First lap completed. Chris takes the shortcut again. QUEEN GYPSY MOTH and Jailbrake Joe apparently circle around each other. We see more racers.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Power Ranger Christian picks up a bonus and fires at Cole, sending him into a spin'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Chris crosses the line in 1st'']

[''STATIC'']

[''"RACE 1 RESULTS:"'']

[''"RACE 1'' 
''1st Christian'' 
''2nd Cole'' 
''3rd Mario'' 
''4th Mega Man"'']

[''"For the racing line-up. The Force enters..."'']

[''Luke Skywalker drives up, gets out of his car and brandishes his lightsaber. he hets back in, turns around and drives away'']

[''STATIC'']

[''"RACE 2: Racers 11-22. 3 Laps"'']

[''The racers line up at the starting grid. A spaceship flies around in circles.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''The race begins. Some sort of powerup or missile or something hits a car.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''The racers finish a lap, with QUEEN GYPSY MOTH and Mario in the lead'']

[''STATIC'']

[''An airplane flies around'']

'''Someone:''' DESTROY MISSILE!

[''The missile hits Pharoh's Mummy's car'']

'''Pharoh's Mummy:''' I'm stuck!

[''His car explodes'']

[''STATIC'']

[''A huge pileup'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Arthur Fonzerelli [''sic''] shows up trackside. He walks up to a car, presumably to fix it, and BONSAI draws his katana.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''The Fonz runs away from BONSAI and drives off on his motorbike'']

[''STATIC'']

[''There is confusion around the crash site'']

[''STATIC'']

[''A mechanic tries to fix it up'']

[''The race finally ends, with Infomaniac in 1st place'']

[''"RACE 2 RESULTS"'']

[''"RACE 2'' 
''1st Infomaniac.'' 
''2nd Sarah H.'' 
''3rd Luke S.'' 
''4th Luigi"'']

[''STATIC'']

[''"While we prepare for the next race, we will take a quick tour of... MY '''LEGO TOWN!'''"'']

[''The camera jerks around, showing the Information Center, the Start/Finish Line, Lego Lake, Mt. Extreme, Band Stand, Fonz's Kart Shop'']

[''"And now, back to the races..."'']

[''"RACE 3 DRIVERS: 02, 14, 08, 21, 01, 22, 05, and 11. 3 Laps."'']

[''The racers line up and the race starts'']

[''STATIC'']

[''The race passes something labelled "CRYSTLE"'']

'''Christian:''' HI!

[''STATIC'']

[''The race continues'']

[''STATIC'']

[''QUEEN GYPSY MOTH stands in front of the race'']

'''QUEEN GYPSY MOTH:''' FREEZE!

[''The racers just hit her and keep going'']
===Part 2===
{{Infobox/video
| name = ''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XwbXP2OcRs4}}
| stardate = 4 [[June 1998]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}, {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Part_1|Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris_Chan_in_the_PokéNews#Video|Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
}}

[''STATIC'']

[''Peach sees R2-D2 and brakes.'']

'''Peach:''' R2-D2?

[''She gets out of the car.'']

'''Peach:''' Why are you here?

'''R2-D2:''' BEEP BLURP

'''Peach:''' I see. ok. [''to [[Wikipedia:The Fonz|the Fonz]]''] Fonz, tell Anakin R2 dropped in. and we'll shoot him by, A.S.A.P.

'''Christian Chandler:''' Here he comes!

[''Darth Maul flies by in an X-Wing and Chris shoots at him'']

[''Chris drives on, in the lead. The other racers follow.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Darth Maul ejects from the downed X-Wing and stands trackside. The approaching Chris is shocked.'']

'''Darth Maul:''' JOIN THE DARK SIDE!

'''Chris:''' NO! IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!

[''Chris morphs into his Power Ranger form.'']

[''BLACK SCREEN'']

[''Christian and Darth Maul fight, Chris with a sort of sword and Darth Maul with [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|his own Damn Darth Maul Dual Light Saber]].'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Chris casts Maul off of the track'']

'''Chris:''' TOO BAD.

[''Chris drives on, and somehow, is in the lead. He crosses the finish line and the words "1st place" appear.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''The top four are lined up'']

[''"RACE 3 RESULTS:"'']

['''''"RACE 3"''' ''"'''1st''' Christian C.'' '''''2nd''' Infomanic'' '''''3rd''' Cole S.'' '''''4th''' Luke S."'']

[''Aerial shot of the city, with intro: "A LONG TIME AGO... EVIL INVADED THE GOOD TOWN... BUT A SUPER TEAM WAS FORMED TO... STOP THEM. THEY ARE KNOWN AS..."'']

[''Camera flies down to: MEGA MAN. LUIGI. PEACH. They each put on Power Ranger costumes.'']

[''BLACK SCREEN'']

[''"LAURA DORAZIO. MARIO. COLE SMITHEY."'']

[''"AND THE LEADER...]

[''"CHRISTIAN C."'']

[''They stand in triangle formation. The title "POWER RANGERS" appears.'']

[''"AND WHEN THEY NEED MORE POWER... THEIR KARTS JOIN TO FORM"'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Karts join together, then drive around a bit.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Karts combining'']

[''STATIC'']

[''They finish combining.'']

[''"THE KART MEGAZORD!"'']

[''STATIC'']

[''"FINAL. RACE 4. DRIVERS: 02, 14, 08, 22, 21, 05, and 11. 3 LAPS"'']

[''They line up to start. [[Pikachu]] zaps the starting lights and the race begins.'']

[''A truck is on the track, for no clear reason. The racers drive by.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''A car goes into a spin and causes a pile-up.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Mew appears and psychically spins BONSAI'']

[''STATIC'']

[''We zoom in on Ash Ketchem [''sic'']. He throws a Poké Ball at Mew.'']
'''Ash Ketchem:''' GO! POKÉ BALL!

[''Mew is captured.'']

'''Ash Ketchem:''' I'VE GOT MEW!

[''STATIC'']

[''The race continues. A Blastoise fires water at the leader and she spins away.'']

[''STATIC'']

[''A Venusaur sleeps in the middle of the track. Chris stops his car and plays a Poké Flute to awaken it. The camera zooms in on a man going to a house'']

'''Man:''' NOBODY WAS AT HOME!

[''Camera zooms in on a Charizard'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Charizard flies around'']

[''STATIC'']

[''Chris crosses the line; "1st place" appears. Infomaniac is 2nd, Cole 3rd, Mario 4th. The final results are then listed on the screen.'']

[''"CIRCUIT MATH: 1st: 5 pnts. 2nd: 4 pnts. 3rd: 2 pnts. 4th: 1 pnts. RESULTS -> ->"'']

[''"RESULTS:'' 
''1. Christian C. 15'' 
''2. Infomaniac. 13'' 
''3. Cole S. 8'' 
''4. Sarah H. 4"'' 

[''STATIC'']

[''"AWARDS CEREMONIES."'']

[''"Christian'won the GOLD,and $10,000!"'']

[''"Infomaniac won the SILVER, and $5,000!"'']

[''"Cole won the Bronze, and$2,000!"'']

[''"Sarah won a year's supply of pizza!'']

'''Pizza Boy:''' [''hands Sarah a pizza''] Here is your 1st pie.

[''Zoom in on Bob and Barbara'']

[''"[[Reality|And CWC's parents were proud of him.]]"'']

'''Christian:''' [[Spanish|Muy Bueno!]]

[''"The End."'']

[''STATIC'']

[''"AFTERMATH... 3 new racers that did not make it in time for the races."'']

[''"Vader Droid 23"]

[''"Anakin Skywalker & R2-D2 24"'']

[''"[[Kellie Andes]] 25"'']

[''"CREDITS"'']

[''Game Boy Camera'']

[''"THE CAST..."'']

[''Racers are listed again'']

[''"REST... P.Boy, D.Maul, A. Fonzerelli, Robert C., Mandy M., Obi Juan, Ash K., M. Droids.''"] [all ''sic'']

[''"Pokémon: Mew, Pikachu, Charizard, Blastoise, Venusaur."'']

[''"PRODUCER: BARBARA WESTON CHANDLER -MOM." with a photo of her'']

[''"PRODUCER: -DAD. ROBERT FRANKLIN CHANDLER JR."'']

[''"Producer, Director, Lihtin & Special Effects,Constructor of Town,Costumes and Vehicles, Backgrounds, and Narrator..."'']

[''"Christian Weston Chandler." with creepy photo'']

[''Game Boy Camera'']

[''"This animation was inspired by LEGO & Nintendo"'']

[''Game Boy Camera'']

[''"SPECIAL THANKS: Mom, Dad, many of my good friends, family, the Leo & N.O.A. Companies, and Christian C."'']

[''"CHRISTIAN © CHANDLER; MARIO KART 64; LEGO 6/4/98 RACEWAY"'']

==Results==
In this table, "X" means the racer finished outside the top 4; "—" means the racer did not compete.
[[Image:0441-MarioKartGPGroup.jpg|thumb|right|Line-up of the racers.]]
{| class="wikitable sortable" border="1"
|+ Sortable table
|-
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | Rank
! scope="col" | Code
! scope="col" | Racer
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | R1
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | R2
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | R3
! scope="col" class="unsortable" | R4
! scope="col" | Total
|-
| 1st
| 02
| [[Christian Chandler]]
| '''5'''
| —
|'''5'''
|'''5'''
| '''15'''
|-
| 2nd
| 14
| [[Wikipedia:Infomaniac|Infomaniac]]
| —
| '''5'''
|'''4'''
|'''4'''
| '''13'''
|-
| 3rd
| 08
|[[Cole Smithey]]
| '''4'''
| —
|'''2'''
|'''2'''
| '''8'''
|-
| 4th
| 21
| [[Sarah Hammer]]
| —
| '''4'''
|X
|X
| '''4'''
|-
| T-5th
| 01
|[[Nintendo|MARIO]]
| '''2'''
| —
|X
|'''1'''
| '''3'''
|-
| T-5th
| 22
| [[Wikipedia:Luke Skywalker|Luke Skywalker]]
| —
| '''2'''
|'''1'''
|X
| '''3'''
|-
| T-7th
| 05
|[[Wikipedia:Mega Man (character)|Mega Man]] & [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Mega Man series#Rush|Rush]]
| '''1'''
| —
|X
|X
| '''1'''
|-
| T-7th
| 11
| [[Wikipedia:Luigi|LUIGI]]
| —
| '''1'''
|X
|X
| '''1'''
|-
| —
| 03
|[[Wikipedia:The Incredible Crash Dummies|CRASH DUMMIE]]
| X
| —
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 04
|[[Wikipedia:Princess Peach|Peach]]
| X
| —
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 06
|[[Lego|JAILBRAKE JOE]]<ref>[http://lego.wikia.com/wiki/1786_Jailbreak_Joe]</ref>
|X
| —
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 07
|[[Barbara Chandler]]
|X
| —
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 09
|[[Power Rangers|POWER RANGER]] [[Christian Chandler]]
|X
| —
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 10
| [[Wikipedia:Lego Time Travels#Time Twisters (1997)|TONY TWISTER]]
|X
| —
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 12
| [[Wikipedia:Lego Racers|ALPHA DRACONIS]]
| —
|X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 13
| [[Christmas|SANTA CLAUSE]]
| —
|X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 15
| [[Wikipedia:Dexter's Laboratory|DEXTER]]
| —
| X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 16
| [[Laura Dorazio]]
| —
| X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 17
| [[Wikipedia:Lego Racers (video game)|QUEEN GYPSY MOTH]]
| —
| X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 18
| [[Wikipedia:Lego Racers (video game)|Pharoh's Mummy]]
| —
| X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 19
| [[Wikipedia:The Andy Griffith Show|ANDY GRIFFIT]]
| —
| X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|-
| —
| 20
| [[Wikipedia:Ten thousand years|BONSAI]]
| —
| X
| —
| —
| '''0'''
|}

== Sources ==

<references/>

==See also==
* [[Mario Kart 8 Videos]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Song of Christian]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1998-06-04]]

The City of Cwicville Tour!

2015-12-09T01:28:20Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

The '''City of Cwicville Tour!''' is a stop-motion Game Boy Camera video made in a similar fashion to [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]].

In this old look at [[Chris]]'s make-believe happy place, we'll see that, early on, Chris hadn't settled on the proper spelling of "[[CWCville]]" yet, so in the name of artistic experimentation (or just overall sloppiness), he tries two different spellings of the name.

Most people will undoubtedly find all this cleverness (or lack thereof) quite breathtaking, considering the video is less than one minute in length. Although we do not, in fact, get to "meet the people" or "have lots of fun", we do technically get to "see the sites", plural, since we manage to pass two whole landmarks before the video abruptly ends. The Game Boy Camera can only hold 30 photos at a time, most likely the reasoning behind the sudden end.

==Video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The City of Cwicville Tour!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|h-ShLxv1nfU}}
| Stardate = 12 July [[2001]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[CWCville]]
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}; {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Chan_in_the_PokéNews#Video|Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]
| next = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Video|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am also the Mayor!}}

===Transcript===
[[Image:118-LegoCWC.jpg|thumb|A wild Lego Chris appears!]]
THE CITY OF CWICVILLE TOUR! 
7/12/01

WITH YOUR HOST: 
Christian Chandler.

[''Lego Chris appears'']

Welcome! I am Christian.

Come with me as I take you on a tour of my [[LEGO]] city of Cwickville!

Please follow me in my Go-Kart as we see the sites,meet the people, and have lots of fun!

[''gets in his go-kart'']

I am also the Mayor!

[''speeds off to start the tour'']

[''passes Water Tower and heads through Golden Kart Pass, both helpfully labeled'']

[''video abruptly ends'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]|nextlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2001-07-12]]

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special

2015-12-09T01:25:08Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:HappyAnniversary.jpg|thumb|right|"Thanks for not aborting me!"]]

'''The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special''' is a machinima of ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' that [[Chris]] made as a gift for [[Bob]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] in spring [[2004]]. This creation offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a [[alcohol|bar]]. It also shows us the unoriginality of Chris's [[Chris and art|artistic skills]], and that Chris would rather play [[video games]] in his parents' names than instead of [[Chris and money|buying]] them a good gift.

It is notable that Chris thanks his parents for his ''birth'', not his ''upbringing''. Apparently, giving existence to Chris was a [[Chris and his ego|major accomplishment in and of itself]].

==Part 1==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|-gO3Nwy5v34}}
| Stardate = 7th [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}; {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Watch|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===
[''two in-game flyers appear'']

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / [[Monty Python|It's]]...

[''the game's respective Nintendo logo appears as the opening theme plays over the menu screen'']

[''another in-game flyer appears'']

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[''four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur'']

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: ''Animal Crossing'', ''Mario Paint''

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action...

[''one last in-game flyer appears'']

Due to limited items, the following program may have some inaccurate furniture for each parent...

[''starts playing ''Animal Crossing'' as himself'']

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little...documentary for y'all, here in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube...about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time too...

[''jump cut to Chris playing as Bob'']

...the time of good ol' Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr. He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh...all that stuff he...was- he fought in the war, he likes- well, he worked- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh...see what describes him as him.

[''enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor'']

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes to call 'em a record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh...say, the toy ''train'', here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh- he was born in, uh, ''Texas''. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he ''did'' go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was- he was, like, one-[[Speech Impediment|sisteenths]] Cherokee. But...that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here...that's, uh- he was- he's been- [[Honor roll|he's been to Korea...for a war in...World War II, I believe it was]]. And he got...a [[Wikipedia: Good Conduct Medal (United States)|conduct]] [[Wikipedia:Medal of Honor|Medal of Honor]], so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a...blue ''tar''-tan. Same pattern as is his, uh, ''regular'' shirt. That's what they call it in ''Animal Crossing''. This pattern here for his ''um-''brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh...he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh...pays the bills on his, uh...desk, and, uh...nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da- back in his ''old'' days, the- a computer would fill up a ''whole room''...and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business ''loved'' computers. [''does an impression of a baby computer''] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody ''loved'' the radio, as well. [''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [''laughs like Peter Griffin''] That's written by ''de-''fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well... [''moves the tour to the second floor''] so, here's a representation of our backyard...or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh...yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [''does another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm...I see there's the, uh...Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit...oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to...''mow the lawn''. ''Mow the lawn.'' ''Mow the lawn.''

And, uh, when he can, with, uh...with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was Barbara. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point- another good point in his, uh, life: [''moves the tour down to the basement''] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'...stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang...up here on the stage. Along with the, uh...classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[''does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, [[Long Island Iced Tea|martini]], will ya?"

[''does impression of bartender''] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[''returns to same bad impression of Bob''] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a...b-brewski."

[''does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk''] "One [[reeb|''beer'']], comin' up!"

[''chuckles'']

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a...telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [''reassures himself''] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so...

Here's a good ezzample. [''plays unrecognizable melody on piano'']

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [''plays same unrecognizable melody'']

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, [[Sonic]]'s theme song. That's, uh...that's a town tune...that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. [[Random Access Humor|He should- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!]]

[''leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no- in a- in a ''hero'' business, he's also known as "Flower Man"...‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now...let's time travel...to another time...

[''jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara'']

...for- yeah – the time of Barbara Chandler...which- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has ''brown'' hair, but since it’s ''Animal Crossing'', they gave me ''blue'' hair by ''de-''fault.

But anyway, let's go into ''her'' house and see what her lifestyle is.

[''enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor'']

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters-

==Part 2==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|xwqCBx4wxyQ}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}; {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3]]}}</center>

===Transcript===

--so she had to share.

But she had a quite a few...interests of [''unintelligble; swallows and exhales''] But nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, y’know, back then, she couldn't have- she didn't ''have'' one; they were all in the big business.

But back then, she went to school, and she worked hard. And see this, uh, shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uh, back in high school...[''dresses Barb character in cheerleader outfit''] she was a [[Snorlax|cheerleader]]. [''does a half-hearted cheerleader impression''] "Rum-bum! Sis-boom-bah! Yay-yay! La-la-la!"

Yeah – and one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got...''tackled'' by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then, she could no longer do the twist.

Anyway, sh- like I said, her s- her cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her ''um-''brella.

Oh – by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention: for- I put the trumpets and the bot- batons here? I used ''Mario Paint'' to design...''one'' set...and then, I multiplied it times four on ''Animal Crossing'' because...a, uh, ''Mario Paint'' stamp is equal to...''one-quarter''...of a whole...''Animal Crossing'' stamp. [''dresses Barb character in original outfit''] By the way, this is a ''daisy'' shirt she's wearing.

But anyway, uh, she, uh- she also- a lot- she...likes ''plants'', so she kept...ones...around...then and now.

And she also liked to, uh, play games, so there's a...''knight'' here. Yeah.

And she also had, uh, classic furniture in her room, and, uh...around the house, because, uh, they belonged to her parents, so here's a ''hutch''. Yeah.

So, anyway, let's go up to, uh...''her'' room... [''moves the tour to the second floor''] that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah.

Like I said, she shared her room with, uh, her ''sisters''...so, we got a big bed. [''rolls back and forth in bed''] See that? More than one person can sleep in it.

But, of course, in the little...''room'' of hers...she, uh, does things hard, so she do- does a lot of work. Not only did she work outside, but she worked inside: she made ''clothes''. So, here's a sewing machine for that.

And, of course, she, uh, worked hard when she went to school... [''something produces a loud farting noise, and it’s difficult to tell whether it’s the game or Chris''], so she, uh, had a lot of writing to do.

And to line up her making clothes, the, uh- she made- prob’ly made a dolly or two.

And here's a couple of her ''fine designs''.

Anyway, she keep- she kept her clothes in her, uh, closets, as well as her, uh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics [[Random-access humor|missed up with her clothes]], because if she wore the little fabrics, well...wouldn't’ve covered much!

Anyway, of course, she likes to keep ''pretty'', so, uh...she always liked to... [''uses a baby voice''] "have a liddle fun adda miwwah".

So, anyway, uh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uh, a little sad part in the, uh, days of old. [''moves the tour down to the basement'']

This would be what you would call a, uh, [[Bob Walks In|kitchen-slash-dining room]].

[''does a half-hearted impression of Barb''] "Hey! Soup's on! Who wants soup?"

Yeah- oh, yeah – she likes the ''old'' st- to get old stuff, as well, so, she’s got a little ''tea'' set here.

And, uh, we got a kitchen...fridge, and a stove.

Here's a little fan to keep cool with.

Keep food in this little, uh...''pan''try.

And she keeps her, uh, brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can.

And this is the sad part. [[Speech Impediment|And it get- and sometime- in some places nowa- in, uh,]] very few houses nowadays, but what happened in the, uh, ''old'' days: the bathroom was in the same room as, uh, the kitchen.

But luckily, [[Lie|we always remember to wash our hands with soap and water]].

Yeah.

But anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she ''does'' have a b- private bathroom. Yeah.

[''leaves Barb’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days...because, uh...we'll time-travel...forward.

Yeah – now, we're gonna time-travel forward...

[jump cut to Chris playing as himself again]

...to the ''present'', here.

Yep – back to the present, we is!

But like I said: uh...Mom and Dad, they, uh, met each other. Oh yeah – I forgot to tell ya how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it...was.

[''enters Bob’s house and goes down to the basement'']

They met over at Matty's pub, see?

Yeah. Mom was just, uh, sittin' down with her friend. She was watching, uh, "Bobby", uh, sing up here. And, well, she like-- she really liked his, uh, singing, so, uh, she- as ''Father'' put it: she went up to him, and then, uh...as he passed by to change the Fer- change the Thermo- "Thermostat"? Yeah. Anyway, she chased him down the hallway...and cornered him.

And then, uh, after that, sh- they just talked: like, they just, uh, talked things out, and they, uh, g-got to know each other. Found common things.

But then, in 1980, they ''did'' get married. But that was ''Father's'' side of the story – the "chasing down the hallway" thing – because Mom says that that's not exactly "right".

But anyway, this is where they met: over here at Matty's pub.

And there's a little thing that...you couldn't have without Father’s plastic molding machines: a trash can.

[''leaves Bob’s house again'']

So, anyway, this is on the- this day that this video will be ''shown'' – but on the day that it’s recorded: ''tomorrow''- I mean, it was ''yesterday'' it was recorded – yeah – that these two were wed. So, it was, like, 24 years ago ''today'' that this video was shown- is shown...that- that the brrr-- that the, uh, priest said:

[''does a half-hearted impression of a priest''] "Bob, do you take this woman to be your lubbily-wedded wife? To love and hold and cherish, and to honor?"

[''uses a foolish voice''] "I do! "

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest''] "And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish, and to honor forever?"

[''uses a voice that sounds like Portal’s GLaDOS''] "I do!"

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest again''] "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

[''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Whoopee!"

[''uses a deep, singsong voice''] "Happy days are here again!"

And now, let's take a look at the, uh, house...that, uh, [[Love Quest|love]] brought.

[''enters Chandler household to start tour of first floor'']

This here is the ''family room''...below, uh- above that downstairs that, uh, Mom and Dad share.

They brought everything with them between the, uh, "something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue".

Well, there's a little blue there in the, uh, ''barber's'' pole. A little something old from Dad's house.

But, of course, nowadays, Father will, uh, watch television and fall asleep on this...comfy chair...

...when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day.

And Mom will, uh- she'll sometimes sleep on the couch.

But, of course, they, uh, sleep in their bed here. Big enough for two!

And they have a computer to [[Mass debate|surf the Web]] with.

[''swallows and exhales'']

And, uh, we used to have a, uh, ''player'' piano.

Let us play. [''plays melody'']

Hold on a second.

Plays better when there's no music on from another source!

[''plays incoherent "Sonic" theme'']

That's the ticket!

==Part 3==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Om04jRARank}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}; Relatives
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}; {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl]]}}</center>

===Transcript===

But anyway, when- first comes love, then comes marriage...then, they come along with their [[Fuck quest|baby carriage]]. And that's where I came in; born in February 1982 was me.

Yeah – just two years after they got- uh, this- ''less'' than two years after they got married.

So, anyway, this is ''my'' bedroom...and my, uh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but...they didn't have one of those here in ''Animal Crossing''. So, I had to make do. But it's a big TV.

And I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh – my first video game system was a Commodore 64, here. Good computer, it was; had some great games on it! Of course, I would have to say my ''second'' system after this would be the original Game Boy.

Yeah. But anyway, I kept my video- I keep my video games nowadays ‘cause I got lots of 'em on ''shelves''...and stuff. Yeah.

But anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah – look at all these posters!

Yeah – of course, uh, you got my ''bed'' here; it's my favorite color: blue.

[''moves the tour down to the basement'']

Yeah – and, uh, along with the few video games, we got more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in the real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he- in ''Animal Crossing'', got all my N- got my NES collection down here.

Oh – and look at this: [[I Got A Fish|I caught an angel fish]]. This is an angel fish.

Oh – and here's a model! It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

[''leaves own house to conclude tour'']

Anyway, uh, now, we're gonna take a trip back to, uh, Father's house for a special...deal.

[''enters Bob’s house while still playing as himself'']

[''goes down to Bob’s basement bar'']

As a little retribution for, uh...how things were, we're gonna play a little number on the jukebox here. But since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play-- we're gonna play, uh..."Sittin' Under The Apple Tree".

[''plays the 1942 hit "Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree" in full'']

''"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! 
''Ooh! Anyone else but me! No, no, no! 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me 
''Till I come marchin' home! 

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! No, no, no! 
''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me 
''Till I come marchin' home! 

''I just got word from a guy who heard 
''From the guy next door to me: 
''The girl he met just loves to pet, 
''And it fits you to a tee! So... 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me 
''Till I come marchin' home! 

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! No, no, no! 
''Watch the girls on the foreign shores? You'll have to report to me 
''When you come marchin' home! 

''Don't hold anyone on your knee! You better be true to me! 
''You better be true to me! 
''You better be true to me! 
''Don't hold anyone on your knee! You're gettin' the third degree 
''When you come marchin' home! 

''You're on your own where there is no phone 
''And I can't keep tabs on you! 
''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee 
''This is one thing that I'll do: 
''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you 
''Till you come marchin' home! 

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! 
''I know the apple tree 
''Is reserved for you and me! 
''And I'll be true 
''Till you come marchin' home!''"

And there you have a nice little blast from the past!

Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here... [''heads back upstairs and leaves Bob’s house''] and we're back outside.

And now, for, uh, my mom and dad: a little something special for this, uh, video.

This is my way of saying "Happy B- Anniversary" to y'all.

Coming up next:

[''smash cut to a ridiculously crude computer drawing of a wedding cake with the words "To Mom & Dad. / HAPPY / ANNIVERSARY / THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! / Love Christian C." written on its several layers'']

[''a grating ''Mario Paint'' rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays several times as [[Sonichu Zip|an image of Sonichu zips]] across the screen from left to right over and over again'']

Yeah. [''sounding suddenly emotional (or else congested)''] I love you both! Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special.

[''all in-game fliers from the beginning of the video scroll by in reverse'']

Let’s see...where did this go?

Yeah – here it is.

[''sings roughly to the tune of the [[Wikipedia:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]'s finale while scrolling back through the fliers glimpsed earlier'']

Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! 
Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! 
La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, laaa-laaaa! 
La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, laa-laa-laaaa! Ohhh! 
Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! 
Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! 
Dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, doh-dohh-dohhh! 
La-ta, duh-tuh, di-tuh, di-tuh, doh-doh-dohh! Ohhhhhh! 
Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! 
Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! 
Loo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-doo-dooo! 
Loo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-doo-dooo! 
[''sounding suddenly passionate (or else in terrible pain) as he retreats into his own house while moaning one final verse''] 
Ohhhhhhhh!

[''resumes speaking normally'']

''Till next tiiime...''

Good night, folks!

[''continues filming, even though all he’s doing is saving his game data'']

Thank you, and good night!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}
{{Game Videos}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-06-07]]
[[Category:Videos About or Featuring Farts]]

Pixelated PS3

2015-12-09T01:22:21Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

The '''Pixelated PS3''' is a Frankenstein-esque abomination made by [[Chris]] that combines a slimline PS2 with a casing made of randomly-colored (apparently ''black'' is a rare and coveted color) Lego and [[Pixelblocks]]. It appeared in a video of the same name that was created in [[November 2006]], as a submission to [[Adult Swim|''Robot Chicken'']]'s "What would you do for a [[PS3]]?" contest.

The Pixelated PS3 was shown to still exist by [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|29 September 2009]]. Luckily for Chris, he didn't overheat and destroy his PS2 by entombing it in so much plastic shit. The whereabouts of it after [[10 January 2014]] are unknown.

It should also be noted that Chris [[slow-in-the-minds|actually required notes]] so he could remember his basic, awkward-sounding lines.

There is another version of this video on the Director's Cut of Chris's DVD. However, it has yet to be released to the masses.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Pixelated PS3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jPetPm6_fLQ}}
| stardate = 28 [[November 2006]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
| next = [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE#Watch|Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]}}

{{quote|I'd throw away the cure for autism...''if I had it!''}}

=== Transcript ===
Hello. My name is Christian Weston Chandler, from [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]. [''[[Chris and brand loyalty|sings to the tune of the Klondike Bar jingle]]''] “What would you do for a [[PS3]]?” What I would do for a PS3? ''I'' tell ya what I'd do!

''Well'', if I had the [[monthly tugboat|money]], I'd wait in line! Like all the other people did with their ''tents'' and all that good stuff. I'd throw away the cure for [[autism]]...''if I had it!'' 'Cause I wanna get rid of that dog—doggone, long—life-long curse that I've had. [''looks at piece of paper with scribbled-down notes''] And, uh...oh, yeah! I would trade in my...PS2 for another thing! Or, uh, otherwise, um...I'd make one from ''wood'' [[Duck|if it was hard enough!]]

But you know what ''I'' did? ''I'' did it! [''reaches down and picks up fake PS3''] I made it--made one from Legos and [''voice cracks with excitement''] ''Pixelblocks!''

And--believe it or not...I actually play ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on this thing! [''switches to a deep voice and Scottish accent''] ''[[Random access humor|Thunderhorse!]]'' [''reaches towards the camera to turn off recording'']

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0783-LegoPS3AndGuitar.JPG
Image:0784-LegoPS3-1.JPG
Image:0785-LegoPS3-2.JPG
</gallery></center>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|nextlink=[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2006-11-28]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2015-12-09T01:20:43Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and [[Clyde Cash|TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES]] and [[Homos|NOT TO MOST]] [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl," 11 [[November 2007]] [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]].<ref name="ed">[http://web.archive.org/web/20091223054201/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 Encyclopedia Dramatica (Wayback Machine), as of 12/23/2009]</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'', by the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|titular band]]. It is sung over "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys. [[Chris]] describes it in an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] edit as his "[[Love Quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.

Bizarrely enough, since [[November 2013]] the song has been available for download for 89 cents on Amazon's MP3 store. According to the copyright date, Chris used Distrokid.com and some of his [[monthly tugboat]] to get it up on there. Of course, it's possible that a [[troll]] put it up there and is [[Jimmy Hill|making money off of Chris's work]].

==Song==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|U7Ahdm98-X8}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| maker = Chris
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{Other|[[Noviophobia]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]], 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see da ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the [[jerks]] 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref name="ed"/>''

==Music video==
{{Main|All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend}}

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Rage|[[Virgin with Rage]]}}, {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}, {{Other|[[Noviophobia]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|[[Chris and hypocrisy|Drunk]]}}
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video (in which, in an attempt to evoke Michael Jackson, he <s>slaps his hand on</s> grabs his crotch) makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

=== Transcript ===
'''Chris:''' [''fervently slaps crotch at the end''] LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. [''There are no takers, just laughter'']

'''Man:''' [''bewildered''] Oh-ohh-OHHH, buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!

==Covers==
{|align="center"
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|B_4-YTPxLFM}}
| stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = [[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]] response from the real Chris Chandler. Main vocals by Liquid's brother, SimplySpoons/Jon D.
}}
|{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8DTg4nx_dCE}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]].
}}
|}
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl (Medley)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xjuc5iQ-eAk}}
| stardate = 11 [[June 2012]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GhostofBillRiley GhostofBillRiley]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = A medley of several covers mixed together with the original.
}}</center>

== References ==
<references/>

== See also ==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with rage]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-24]]
[[Category:Music]]
[[Category:Music Videos]]

Harvey Birdman commercial

2015-12-09T01:18:50Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Quote|My entry was very dramatic, and a lot BETTER than that piece of poo, or any of the others that made the top 5 as well! I'm very upset about that! [[Chris and his Ego|My "CWC's Harvey Birdaman Spot" was the BEST, and I feel sorry for you]], [[Adult Swim]], for not noticing that! You all should take another good look at it and seriously reconsider!|[[Chris]], being a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|good loser]] as ever.<ref>[[Adult Swim posts]]</ref>}}

The '''Harvey Birdman Commercial''' is a commercial produced by Chris in February [[2005]] as part of a contest held for [[Sonic Boom|Cartoon Network]]'s [[Adult Swim]] block. Adult Swim held a contest inviting viewers to make a commercial for the ''[[Wikipedia:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law]], Vol. 1'' DVD set (or ''[[Speech impediment|Harvey Dirdban]]'', as he seems to pronounce it). Always willing to earn fame and fortune with minimal effort, Chris stepped up and produced an advertisement promoting himself, his eternal rivalry with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Sonichu]]...and Harvey Birdman.

Chris is not famed for his conciseness, to say the least, but due to the contest rules specifying 28-30 second entries, Chris chose his loquacious pitch at a manic pace rather than omitting anything from his agenda. One can only imagine [[Animal Crossing Documentary|the 17-minute infomercial]] Chris would have delivered, had he been allowed.

Shockingly, Chris's barely comprehensible spiel about self-promotion with a cursory mention of Harvey Birdman did not win. This inspired him to post a complaint on [[Adult Swim posts|the [as] forums]] (to be precise, he posted the same complaint twice), but for some reason, Chris's idea of justice was never served.

The commercial appears in somewhat poor quality on ''[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]'', but he also uploaded a better version of the same footage to his original [[YouTube#Sonichu_.28May_2007-September_2008.29|YouTube]] account some time prior to October 31, [[2007]].

==Appearance==
If one can look past the [[Chris and cinematography|poor lighting]], viewers may notice that, in this video, Chris actually wasn't that [[fat]] during this period in his life. Not as fat as now, anyway. Also, if Chris were to record this today, he would almost certainly tear off his [[Glasses#Dramatic_glasses_removal|glasses]] for maximum effect.

==Chris's entry==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Harvey Birdman Commercial
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Zm1uSyHSLxs}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2005]]
| subject = {{Television|[[Contests]]}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[All I Want For Christmas Is A Pretty Girlfriend]]
| next = [[Pixelated PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
HELLO! I hired Harvey [[Speech impediment|Dirdban]], Attorney at Law, to help ME, Christian Weston Chandler, in my case against Mary Lee Walsh, who, years ago, shattered my heart. And he has won the case for me, and he has won for me...a ''Harvey Birdman'' 2-disc DVD box set which comes out April 12, 2005!

Features deleted scenes! Live-action open! Casting what-ifs and [[Wikipedia:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Coleburt]] and [[Wikipedia:Todd Barry|Todd Barry]] as Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law! ''Harvey Birdman'' movie! "Shaggy Busted" pencil tests! And episode commentary!

Let Harvey Birdman work for you!

[''rapidly displays two custom cards depicting himself and [[Sonichu]]''] This has been a Christian Chandler/Sonichu production.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|nextlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{References}}

[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2005-02-24]]

Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash

2015-12-09T01:15:34Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

"'''Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash'''", uploaded on 19 [[January 2009]], is the first of several videos in which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] responds to threats of revenge by [[Clyde Cash]]. It's not clear from the video what Clyde has threatened to do, but Christian is clearly concerned that Clyde will torture and kill the people he loves. Christian attempts to talk him down by assuring him that he'll get over [[Ryan Cash]]'s death by finding a girlfriend and by noting Christian himself didn't try to torture anyone when his dog died. His [[Creepy stare|dead fish expression]] is extremely pronounced in this video, which makes his apology seem even more insincere.

At one point in the video Chris is obviously confused as to which one of the Cash brothers committed a [[Sonichu]]-inspired suicide, and which one is promising to make his life a living hell. It's an easy mistake to make.

==Description==
{{quotebox|Clyde, you do not NEED to disguise yourself as me to make your OWN PERSONAL CLAIMS of YOURSELF doing that.}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YFlljxGQyl4}}
| stardate = 19 [[January 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]
}}
{{quote|You'll get over it}}

=== Transcript ===

I'm addressing this video to [[Clyde Cash]], older brother of [[Ryan Cash|Ryan]], who, uh, s—who sadfully commi—committed suicide upon himself when I... made the idle threat to, uh, stop my—stop doing my comics in, uh, protest of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page.

[''winces''] Clyde, I'm sorry your brother died, but that doesn't mean you have to go pickin' on me for the cause of his death, because... I did not do any—I did not do it personally to him, and I did not ''mean'' to do it. I'm just an—I'm just an innocent bystander in all this. Even though... I gave him the reason. I'm sorry. You don't have to do anything mean. I mean, would Cly—would... Clyde. Would Ryan want you to go... killi—would Ryan want you to doin' anything stupid as torturing other people or even go as far as killing them? You don't have to do this. [[Chris and death|Just live on your life and move on]]. You'll find yourself a girlfriend! And she'll make you about as—she'll make you happier than... possibly how, uh, Ryan could have done it. You don't have to go off killing people. You don't have to harm anybody, emotionally or physically. Just take some deep breaths... some time to yourself. Maybe find yourself, uh...shoot, what's the wor—find yourself a [[Rocky|counselor at your local church]] that you can talk to. And, uh, hopefully, you'll feel better.

I mean, I feel for you, man. I mean, I've had people die on—die on me somet—some—a few times before, and I went to their funerals. But I didn't—I did not want to go off torturing and killing anybody in response. I just basically waited out for my sad emotions to, uh... eventually fade away and you know I did get better from that. I mean, my [[Patti Chandler|dog]] died. I was sad. I cried for weeks. But yet [[Patti-Chan|I got over it]]. I saw my—I saw Patti in my dreams. And she reassured me that thing were—that she was okay, and that God is taking good care of her. And with that I'm—I was able to move on, live my life a little bit more happier and more luckily. Been ov—been over a year—been over two years now since she died.

Clyde, you do ''not'' have to do anything rash or drastic. [[The Game Place|Just move on.]] You'll find a lot of other things that make about AS or greater than happy as you were with, uh, Ryan around. Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. You'll get over it. Peace, mon.

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|nextlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-01-19]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-19]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-01-19]]

CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters

2015-12-09T01:14:47Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{quote| Simple as that; I will not accept any e-mails or phone calls; ONLY REAL LIFE ENCOUNTERS. So, if you are a True, Honest, Caring (18-27-year old, smoke-free, non-black) Woman, who desires at least a pleasant conversation with me ;) , you'll have to be living in Virginia and press your luck on a Chance Encounter.

With that statement aside, a new piece of comical wit after the music; laugh it up.|Video description}}

'''CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters''' is a video posted to [[YouTube]] by [[Chris]] on 19 [[May 2009]]. After a 2-week silence (and video purge), Chris says that he will not accept any encounters with 18-(insert his age here) females, unless it's in real life. Same [[Chris and race|racist]] requirements apply. Afterwards, he displays a stinging [[random-access humor|comical wit]] that even [[homos|Oscar Wilde]] himself would be enamored of, and left him in such demand with the ladies.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters
| video = {{#ev:youtube|oBNe2sRPES4}}
| stardate = 19 [[May 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I am still a single, legitimate, eligible male.}}

=== Transcript ===

I wish to make a, uh, general statement for I—uh, some of the comical wit. [''inhales deeply, followed immediately by a jump cut'']

Granted, now, I am ''still'' a single, legitimate, eligible male. I still am lookth—I still am looking for an 18-27 year-old, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], non-[[alcohol]]ic, non-[[niggos|black]] woman. But most importantly, she's gotta be caring, true, and honest. [''an empty annotation box appears around Chris's upper body, revealing "IN-PERSON CHANCE ENCOUNTERS ONLY, LADIES." when hovered over'']

[jump cut to [[homos|"I Love the Nightlife"]] playing loudly in the background]

So, if there are any true, caring, honest women… ''not'' any trolls… that wish to, uh, look me up and, uh, schedule a date, you'll have to, uh, find me in person. [''an annotation appears, reading "NO CALLS OR E-MAILS! FIND ME IN PERSON, COME SAY HEY, AND BE LUCKY."''] And, also, it'll have to be a chance meeting… in which—on that case, I will ''not'' be accepting any phone calls… [''removes [[glasses]] dramatically''] or e-mails. So… you'll just have to try to press your—you'll just have to press your luck on, uh, [[chris and reality|getting a date with me]]. So, that's just the way life is. [''dances a wiggle dance'']

[''jump cut to the music no longer playing'']

So, now, with that, uh, note aside, uh, I wish to, uh, c—uh, commute the, uh, new comical wit of which I have just created today.

[''begins singing a song of his own creation, providing lyrics through annotations'']

<blockquote>“Oh, I'm single and lonely, and possibly a bit horny. 
But that ain't fit for a "Droll" "Sit-chee-ation", so now I'll just make it corny.”</blockquote>

[''replaces glasses on face''] I laugh at you, you stupid [[trolls]]. ''Die!'' [''raises eyebrows dramatically'']

Peace.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler is a stalker!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MW1wggtXTW8}}
| maker = MadcrazeTV
| stardate = 6 [[June 2009]]
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]|nextlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, May 2009| 2009-05-19]]

29 January 2010

2015-12-09T01:13:17Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''29 January 2010''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 30 [[January 2010]] (giving the date as "[[Autism|January 25 or 26]]"). In the video, Chris apologizes to Alec, but in true CWC fashion, [[Chris and remorse|the apology is being made in the hopes of getting him to shrink the ads]] linking to [[Asperpedia]]. He also apologizes for his [[Mailbag]] replies that he deletes, edits or responds angrily, due to his 'tard rage. It also features the appearance of a new shirt to Chris's wardrobe.

Chris actually commented on this video in a [[Sonichu Forum#was zero risk of serious injury|''Sonichu'' forum post]], claiming that a friend had pointed out to him that his recent actions were very troll-like, causing Chris no small amount of personal embarrassment.

{{Infobox/video
| name = 01292010.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gMMrEBdh2Xc}}
| stardate = 30 [[January 2010]]
| subject = {{Website|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Asperchu|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedGreenShirt|text}}
| previous = [[22 January 2010#Part 2|22 January 2010 Part II]]
| next = [[CWC address to Royal Board]]
}}

{{quote|I can't deal with some topics...that get brought up; it's just beyond my comprehension sometimes. And it frighten- it bothers me. }}

== Transcript ==

[''in a defeated tone''] Hmm... [[Biological clock|January 25th or 26th]], [[Captain's Log]].

[''[[sigh]]''] Anyway, I wou- I'm making this video because I wanted to apologize to Alec for having said the things that I said before and the threats, and want to make amends and peace and, uh, I would appreciate it if the, uh, Asperpedia ads were no longer on the [[CWCipedia]].

[''Chris makes an angry face, but doesn't let the emotion overcome him, instead using a soft speaking tone, seeking sympathy.'']

Seriously, just- I asked multiple times either shr- to shrink them down, put 'em in the sidebar. I have not seen [[Duck|shrinkage]]! I have to scroll ''down'' to even see anything on the CWCipedia, to even to log in! To even to make edits. And it's very annoying and frustrating. [''shakes finger for a second''] Get rid of those ads, all together. I still apologize for saying the things I have said before, but I feel like we can best be at peace if Mao of that group removes all those ads, all together. Please.

Anyway, and also, I apologize for appearing to be rude in the Mailbag responses [''almost drops controller''] and deleting and editing some letters, but, I can't deal with some topics...that get [''waves hand around''] brought up; [[Autism|it's just beyond my comprehension sometimes.]] And it frighten- it bothers me. [''long pause''] M'kay? So, [[Lie|I promise to be nicer in my responses.]] Okay.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[22 January 2010]]|nextlink=[[CWC address to Royal Board]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, January 2010| 2010-01-30]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2010-01-30]]
[[Category:Asperchu Saga videos| 2010-01-30]]

Power

2015-12-09T01:12:20Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the videos

{{quote|I am strong. I can lift my office chair in my room over my head, even with a moderately heavy object in the seat. The chair alone is Heavy.|Chris to [[Vanessa AIM Chat 6|Vanessa]]}}

'''Power''' is a file, published by [[The Miscreants]], in which [[Chris]] performs various dubious feats of strength. Chris gave these files to [[Joshua Martinez]] to give to [[Vanessa Hudgens]] to meet her request for a "test of strength" as part of her audition process. The .zip includes three videos, an audio file and a "special thanks" document. It was published along with [[CWCFlyingElephants]] on 27 [[April 2009]].

==Videos==
===StrongCWC1===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Power
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UiYBn1MJJqM}}
| stardate = 27 April 2009
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[I Got A Fish]]
| next = [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
}}
===Transcript===
[[Image:He-Chan.jpg|thumb|right|BY THE POWER OF NUMBSKULL!]]
[''Chris stands in the middle of [[Chris's room|his bedroom]], with [[Muscle bra|no shirt on]], and the [[Gitar of Fail]] in his right arm. He proceeds to hold it above his head dramatically before thrusting it forward, causing his man-breasts to [[Obesity|jiggle noticeably]].'']

'''I HAAAVE THE POWEEERRRR! FEEL MY WRATH!'''

[''Chris then lowers the Gitar and performs a retarded "guitar solo" on it, namely by wiggling the whammy bar and screeching.'']

===StrongCWC2===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Power
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bxQTZ6gelRk}}
| stardate = 27 April 2009
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[I Got A Fish]]
| next = [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
}}
===Transcript===
[''Chris stands in the same spot as before, albeit now with a swivel chair in front of him. He [[I AM STRONG|flexes]] his jelly-like arms'']

''(Spoken in voiceover)'' We will now be watching the strong man, lifting a '''very heavy''' ''office chair''. Note: the chair [[WeighIn|weighs a ''grand'' number of ''pounds''.]]

[''crouches and lifts up the chair, albeit with considerable effort'']

Ahhhhh! Ta-da! '''FEEL MY WRATH!'''

[''puts the chair back down'']

===StrongCWCPower===
{{Infobox/video
| name = Power
| video = {{#ev:youtube|P36oeE6y-Xc}}
| stardate = 27 April 2009
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[I Got A Fish]]
| next = [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
}}
===Transcript===
[''Much like before, Chris stands in front of the chair, again flexing in an attempt to look tough. However, there is now a plastic basket filled with what appears to be books placed on the chair as well'']

''(Spoken in voiceover)'' Now we will be seeing the strong man lifting ''the same chair'', but with a '''very heavy''' basket full of junk in the chair.

[''bends down to pick up the chair, giving us a view of his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|underwear and ass crack]] in the process. He struggles to lift the chair, and spills a good portion of what appears to be books in the process'']

'''HHHNGG [[random access humor|I ONCE KNEW A MAN FROM NANTUCKET!!''']]

[''puts the chair back down very quickly'']

==Audio file==
:I got a dick!
:Would ya like to make a wish?

:I got a dick!
:Would ya like to make a wish?

:I got a ''diiiiiiiiick!''
:Would ya like to make a ''wish?''

==See also==
* [[CWCFlyingElephants]]
* [[I AM STRONG]]
* [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'LL SEND EVERYTHING IN MY '''POWER!''']]
* [[Prower]]

==External links==

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I Got A Fish]]|nextlink=[[CWCFlyingElephants]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]

DrainedCreativity

2015-12-09T01:09:10Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''DrainedCreativity''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris bemoans the [[trolls]] for draining his creativity. This video could be a logical explanation on why there's a shortage of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], if we didn't already know it's because Chris is [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|horrendously]] lazy.

This video's audio served as the intro to the album ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = DrainedCreativity
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QQjQEw1eBu0}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|Anger}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Book10Replacement]]
| next = [[DivineTrial]]
}}

===Transcript===
Well, you trolls and [[Clyde Cash]]...I hope you all are happy. [''dramatic [[glasses]] removal''] You quit--you put me down so much and belittled my--belittled my [[Chris and copyright|creativity]] and my [[Chris and art|artistic capabilities]]. Pretty much made me scar--you pretty much made me nearly scared to draw and think creatively.

You drained me.

You ''drained me'', you damn idiots.

Sons o' bitches.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Book10Replacement]]|nextlink=[[DivineTrial]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-30 e]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-30 e]]

ECV 00001

2015-12-09T01:07:47Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''ECV 00001''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 9 [[October 2010]], in which he paraphrases [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|the Wikipedia article]] about the [[Cherokee]] while dressed as what he thinks they looked like.

Throughout the video, he holds a [[PlayStation]] [[Move]] controller and a matching "Navigation Controller". Chris has also returned to using his old [[PSEye]] to record this video, which causes a number of skips to occur throughout the video. As is evident in the video title, the EyeCreate video counter has been reset to 1, due to his [[PS3#The Rebirth|new PS3]].

Of note is how Chris is careful to elaborate how peaceful the Cherokee clan was, specifically how [[Prickly-Wicklies|war is bad]], yet he pulls a 180 near the end by stating how fierce they were and that the [[Death threats|trolls should beware]]. Chris, always sensitive to the plight of minorities, speaks in a stereotypical "kemosabe"-style Indian voice until he starts talking about black people at which point he starts speaking in a hip, urban manner in order to show that he is [[Retarded|"down"]].

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = ECV 00001
| video = {{#ev:youtube|z4HekL15DYM}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = | shirt = {{Cwcbra|text}}
| previous = [[100 2270]]
| next = [[A Hike]]
}}

{{quote|We were very peaceful, I tell ya what.}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:TRUE and ORIGINAL Cherokian Man.png|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
''[Chris is wearing his [[muscle bra]] with construction paper accents to give his impression of a very, very [[homos|fierce]] Cherokee warrior. He has his arms crossed over his chest with a PlayStation Move controller in each hand.]''

Me, noble Cherokee man. I come to you with a brief bit of introduction to our Cherokee clan. We were a peaceful lace...peaceful race, most of our history is encrypted within [[Spanish]] history. Some of it was previously, uh, translated, was translated, as can—-found on the [[Wikipedia]] under the term "Cherokee": C-H-E-R-O-K-E-E. [''The first E is barely there because of one of the skips.'']

We were very peaceful, [[wikipedia:King of the Hill|I tell ya what.]] We were so peaceful, that we found war activities to be a polluting activity. And we had and a whole and before it was revoked, we had purity sessions of which our priests of our clans purified the warriors that went out into battle before they come into to the village and resume life there. And we were even bartered as [[Rosechu|slut]]— bartered off as [[Basement Rosechus|slaves]] to the [[Virginia]] and north and northward.

And we had a whole bunch of medishin [[Tobacky|medicianal supstances]] that were created within our times by our [[Chris and Religion#Chris the Shaman|witch doctors]], which I happen to have a witch doctor. His name is on my thing there, but [[Honor roll|I forgot memorize it]]. Which he comes from the Chandler Clan on my [[Bob Chandler|father's]] side. It was a good union, though, between my father meeting my mother, for she comes from the [[Daniel Weston|English clan]], but we were here in America first and we had our own tortures. And through a whole bunch of trials and tribulations, we ended up walking the Trail of Tears.

Which, beyond which, as we walked the trail, some of us wandered off the trail to be hidden from those that have considered us slaves. Unfortunately, thanks to our right— thanks to our guys, slavery has abolished altogether, including— including the [[Niggos|black slaves]]. Though I not say that, it was of an consasensus...

''[Chris suddenly changes from offensive Indian imitation to offensive urban patois.]''

Hey, we're with you on this one, dude, we're with you on this one, dudes. I mean, we were slaves as well back in the day. But we've managed to collect ourselves, and there only a few of us left within this [[America]] and mostly there are only partial regions with us, but there are organizations of us Cherokees within states like Oklahoma and Tennessee. More information on this, as well as our history, on the Wikipedia. Also, we did go off out in battle after that practice was abolished. Of which we have purified our warriors before they could return to our village. We were fierce, though. We were very, very fierce.

But anyway, with that, don't mess with us. For we will [[CWC is Angry|shoot you]] [[Gun Comic|down]]. Pew! ''[Pantomimes shooting a bow and arrow.]''

==See also==
* [[War Paint Video]]
* [[Cherokian Clan]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2270]]|nextlink=[[A Hike]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-09]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-09]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-09]]

Wigwam

2015-12-09T01:06:13Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''Wigwam''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. Chris, summoning his [[Cherokian Clan|Native American]] [[racism|heritage]], pretends to smoke [[tobacky]], nearly four years after proclaiming that he would shoot every last ounce of it to [[the Moon]].<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref>

Note that actual [[Wikipedia:Cherokee people|Cherokees]] did not build [[Wikipedia:Wigwam|wigwams]], and their [[Wikipedia:Calumet (pipe)|ceremonial pipes]] do not resemble [[Wikipedia:Ballpoint pen|ballpoint pens]], but were usually made from clay or bluestone quartzite. It should also be noted that the phrase "smoke um peace pipe" [[Things Chris has ripped off|was originally from]] the ''[[Futurama]]'' episode "Where the Buggalo Roam".

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Wigwam
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dWSmFnL9YEg}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Other|[[Tobacky]]}}, {{Other|[[Hypocrisy]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlueShirt|text}}
| previous = [[PlayingHouse]]
| next = [[DayOut#DayOut1|DayOut1]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[[File:CWC Pipe Stem with black ink.jpg|thumb|100px|A five-pack of CWC-brand tobacky.]]
[''Chris makes weird noises, takes a puff from a ballpoint pen attached to what appears to be either a folded Post-It note or a small sack, makes more weird noises, then hands it to the viewer.'']

[''In a stereotypical [[Native American]] accent''] Here, smoke um [[Wikipedia:Calumet (pipe)|peace pipe]], find [[Chris and anger|inner peace]]!
{{clear}}
==Sources==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[PlayingHouse]]|nextlink=[[DayOut]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category: Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 c]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 c]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 c]]

Chris Chan in the PokéNews

2015-12-09T01:04:43Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Quote|I'll switch- I'll put out my Dragonair...even though it has sixty damage on it... Oh, boy, now I have three energy on it. Slam Attack!|Chris}}

"'''Chris Chan in the PokéNews'''" is a segment of [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC on TV'']] DVD, recorded and filmed on 16 October [[1999]]. and aired on [[Richmond]]'s [[Wikipedia:NBC|NBC]] affiliate, [[Wikipedia:WWBT|WWBT]].

This was a fluff piece on the ''[[Pokémon]]'' fandom, which is popular among small children, [[Pedofork|suspicious-looking men]], and [[Christian Weston Chandler|emotionally-stunted manchildren]]. Chris (then aged 17) happens to be among the small children playing the game. The cameraman seems to linger on him for an abnormally long amount of time, perhaps because they're not used to [[Honest Content|the thing they're seeing]].

Chris lists his tenure playing ''Pokémon'' cards with children half his age on his [[resume]], and implies that he volunteered at Books-A-Million.

Chris appears between 1:07 and 1:15.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan in the PokéNews
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UGmYMGqnqL0}}
| stardate = 16 October [[1999]]
| maker = WWBT-TV
| subject = {{Television|text}}
| shirt = {{PokeShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Part_2|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]
| next = [[The_City_of_Cwicville_Tour!#Watch|The City of Cwicville Tour!]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|right|Chris, age 17, dressed as [[Chris and fashion|Ash Ketchum]], plays a children's card game.]]
'''Female Newscaster:''' Well, if you have grade-schoolers in the house, you'll probably be interested in this next report, and if you don't, ''you'' can learn about a craze that's been sweeping the nation. NBC 12 reporter Jim Babb marched into the marketing breach today to bring us this story of ''Pokémon''.

[''A small boy is trading ''Pokémon'' cards with another small boy.'']

'''Small Boy:''' I'll trade you thi...uh...holograph for a Japanese holograph.

[''A woman is shown scanning booster packs of trading cards at a cash register.'']

[''Jim Babb interviews a small boy with a large binder full of ''Pokemon'' cards.'']

'''Babb:''' You've got hundreds of these cards.

'''Boy:''' I got- yeah, some... Yeah, and I've got a lot more at home.

'''Babb:''' ''[to small boy in orange athletic jersey]'' So, tell me, why do you like ''Pokémon''?

'''Boy:''' I dunno.

'''Babb:''' You're not sure why you like it, but you do, right?

'''Boy:''' Yeah.

[''A brief clip from the ''Pokémon'' [[anime|animu]] is shown while Babb narrates. Later, footage of Books-A-Million is shown.'']

'''Babb:''' Like so many other fads, it got started with a kids' TV show. And, now, ''Pokémon'' is a marketing phenomenon. Kids and parents line up every Saturday at this Chesterfield County bookstore, and they dig deep.

'''Babb:''' [''to woman with handful of booster packs''] How much did all of this cost?

'''Woman:''' $30 with a discount.

'''Babb:''' Then the games begin, with byzantine rules.

[''A crowd of small children plays the ''Pokémon'' trading card game on the shop floor.'']

'''Babb:''' [''to an [[niggos|African-American]] boy''] So how do you explain the game?

'''Black Child:''' I can't explain; it's too long!

[''Suddenly, the camera lingers on a much older boy, who looks 16-18 years old. He is clad in an ill-fitting, blue long-sleeve shirt, under a yellow T-shirt, under a blue vest. A red and white baseball cap and a sports bottle rest next to him. He is playing the ''Pokémon'' card game with small children.'']
[[File:0d970929359504c420d683d-177.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

'''Chris:''' I'll switch- I'll put out my Dragonair...even though it has sixty damage on it... Oh, boy, now I have three energy on it. Slam Attack!

'''Babb:''' [''to niggo boy''] So, if you had the time to tell me, I wouldn't understand it?

'''Niggo Boy:''' No.

'''[[Pedofork|40-year-old Man]] with [[Pedo-Glasses|Rapist Glasses]] and Molester Mustache:''' I'm— I'm watching and I still have no clue. [''laughs'']

'''Babb:''' And think about this: this kind of thing is happening in bookstores and toy stores all around the country. If you hadn't known it before, know it now: ''Pokémon'' is ''big''.

'''Randy Cost:''' The biggest trend in kids' toy history, it's multi-multi-billion dollars.

'''Woman:''' It's money. Big time money.

'''Babb:''' You wish you invested?

'''Woman:''' Yeah, that's true! [''laughs'']

'''Boy:''' [''holds up card''] Jolteon!

'''Babb:''' Jolteon.

'''Boy:''' Mmm-hmm!

'''Babb:''' What's special about Jolteon?

'''Boy:''' He's holographic!

'''Babb:''' In Chesterfield County, I'm Jim Babb, NBC 12.

'''Female Newscaster:''' And those little cards aren't cheap; [[Michael Snyder|some merchants]] charge three bucks for a booster pack of— [''Video ends with a picture Chris created of a large Pikachu entering a Pokémon Center.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]|nextlink=[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1999-10-16]]

McIntire Park

2015-12-09T01:03:55Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

[[Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg|thumb|left|HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE DOGWOOD FESTIVAL!]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|''"I think what we're saying is... it's going to be compromised,"'' – said Mala Cunningham at just that same moment. Little did she know...]]
[[Image:Z100 0827.jpg|thumb|right| ...that was exactly what was happening.]]

'''McIntire Park''' is a park in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] which became a [[Attraction Location|favorite hangout]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] during [[2009]]. It features a chalkboard wall where visitors can leave whatever messages (or drawings of your [[Sonichu (character)|favorite hedgehog hero]]!) as they see fit. Every April, the annual [http://www.charlottesvilledogwoodfestival.org/ Dogwood Festival] is held at the Park, featuring a fireworks display.

The Park was at the center of a local controversy, due to plans to reallocate part of the area to a new [[Wikipedia:YMCA|YMCA]] facility and a parkway. Chris joined the effort to save the Park in the summer of [[2009]].

==Chris on NBC==
On 22 [[July 2009]], local [[Wikipedia:NBC|NBC]] affiliate [[Wikipedia:WVIR-TV|WVIR]] ran a story on the six o'clock news about the controversy surrounding the park. During an interview with a representative of the McIntire Preservation Committee, Chris marches through the background of the shot while holding up his [[Medallions|Sonichu medallion]].
{{-}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|OiXpAOEXrHs}}</center>
<center>Chris shows up at 1:08 if you want to skip to it.</center>

==Chris in a Council Meeting==
At some point prior to 14 [[August 2009]], Chris created a two-foot-wide sign featuring [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their children]] with giant wads of babbling text, intended to express support for the park. The youngsters are holding extremely tiny signs that read "SAVE MCINTIRE PARK," which would be impossible to read from more than six feet away, rendering the sign largely useless.

The sign would be seen in [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|a video]] where Chris used his artwork to refute the claims of [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. On 17 August Chris brought the sign with him to a Charlottesville city council meeting, and was recognized for his [[Chris and Art|effort]]. Chris began to ramble out of turn until the city council told him to pipe down, earning the envy of millions.

Alas, even the power of Electric Hedgehog Pokemon wasn't enough to save the park; court challenges to the YMCA<ref>http://www.cvillepedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Piedmont_Family_YMCA</ref> and parkway<ref>http://www.cvillepedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Meadowcreek_Parkway</ref> construction failed, and the construction on Chris's precious park is currently underway.<ref>http://www.cvilletomorrow.org/news/article/15045-Meadowcreek-Interchange-Traffic/</ref>
<center>{{#ev:youtube|P7YmcUDb4Ew}}</center>

===Transcript===
[[Image:Sonichu Rosechu Save McIntire by Cwcipedia.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and family expressing their support for the park]]
''[transcription starts at 0:30, speaker is Bob Fenwick]''

Fenwick: I would also like to call special attention to a young man, Christian Chandler, who's in the audience, who spent a great deal of time making his own save McIntire sign.

''[applause, Chris starts shouting in the audience]''

Chris: ''[Holding up the sign]''
Indeed!

Hmm. It's less expensive for McIntire Park. Membership is required for the YMCA and plus the wading pool should be bigger and deeper.

''[gets cut off by chairman]''

Chairman: Eh, heheh, one speaker at a time. Thank you.

''[Audience laughs]''

Fenwick: Now, I think you all...

== Independence Day Sighting ==
[[File:CWC Pokemon.png|thumb|left|Artist's conception of Chris using the attraction rock of fail.]]
[[File:Disco duck.png|thumb|What the note probably said.]]
[[File:Zoom_lens_for_DSi.jpg|thumb|The "zoom lens" as aforementioned. Apparently it acts as a sort of optic enhancement by adding a binocular zoom]]

On 4 July 2010, a [[trolls|troll]] reported that they had spotted Chris at the Independence Day celebrations held at McIntire Park on 4 July. Chris allegedly wore [[Chris and fashion|relatively normal clothing]], indicating that perhaps he had realized how retarded he looked on his previous outing.

The troll reported that Chris had what appeared to be a large camera lens attached to the front of his DSi, and was presumably using it to survey the area for [[boyfriend-free girl]]s.

Interestingly, the troll also reported that Chris scribbled a note onto something, wrapped it around a rock, and chucked it at a woman in what would appear to be a more aggressive and direct twist to the [[Red String of Fate]] tactic. Another possible explanation is that this is Chris's way of messaging people he doesn't know on [[facebook]] or various [[dating profiles]], applied to the real world. Whatever his logic was, the contents of the note remain a mystery.

The troll's account in full:

{{quotebox|I have followed the Chris trolling for a while, because who could resist reading about some guy who lived in the same city as you? Though I never would have expected to run into the elusive manchild, that is, until July 4th. Every year, McIntire Park shoots off fireworks for the July 4th. Many families come out to watch, despite the decline in quality each year due to money problems. So imagine my surprise when I see the internet sensation himself. I had to do a double take to make sure. No, he wasn't wearing anything outrageous like in Friday's After 5 footage. No Sonichu medallion. I guess he really has given up on Sonichu. 
I didn't stalk him the entire time he was there, but kept tabs every once in a while. He spent a lot of time near the baseball field. At one point I noticed he pulled out his DSi, with something odd attached to the front of it. It looked like a zoom lense. But do they make zoom lenses for the DSi? I thought the camera quality was already shit. He seemed to use his DSi and what I think is the zoom lense looking at the people around here, presumably women, considering the creepy person he is. A little while later I noticed he had gotten up and started to walk, to where, I don't know. Then he stopped. Now, I don't know how to make of this...I saw him scribble on something, wrap it around what I think he picked up was a rock, and threw it at this woman. I don't think it hit her, but she seemed startled. She picked up whatever he threw, opened up the paper he had written on, looked at him, and shook her head. She then turned and went on her way. 
At that point, I decided to leave it at that and go back to hanging out with my friends. I didn't see him after that point. I assume he decided to change where he was sitting or people were just blocking my view, because as it got darker it got incredibly more busy.}}

==See also:==
{{CWCipedia|chris=McIntirePark}}
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[CWCville|CWCville Park/CWC-Central Park]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://savemcintire.org Save McIntire]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Chris humps his PS3

2015-12-09T01:01:58Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Vidya reaction to cwc.jpg|thumb|/v/'s reaction]]

{{Quote|I humped it for eight [[Obesity|sweating]] minutes, and I just gave you the song and dance [...] If I am NOT satisfied with FULL Return of my Accounts AFTER I WENT THROUGH ALL THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' [[Stress|TORMENT AND TORTURE]], it will be ON your head and In your [[Dreams|nightmares]].|Chris to [[Jack]]<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 3]]</ref>}}

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris]] '''humping his beloved [[PS3]]''' was leaked onto [[4-cent garbage]]'s /v/. In it, Chris makes love to his "Life Upgrade" for eight minutes, although he can only stay standing for the first minute. What might at first seem to be just an impressive display of fanboyism is actually a desperate plea for the return of his international [[PlayStation Network]] accounts, seemingly being held to ransom by the irrational expert hacker [[Jack Thaddeus]].

Chris himself sat in on an [[IRC (23 July 2009)|IRC chat]] where a coterie of [[trolls]] planned the making of the video, where he believed that he had effectively hidden his identity. Bits of Chris's monologue are simply repetitions of what he heard during the chat.

In his wisdom, Thaddeus never returned the PSN accounts to this day.
__TOC__
 
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris humps his PS3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|YnU-OuvcsSY}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 24 July 2009
| Subject Matter = {{Sex|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = {{Comedy|text}}
| Shirt = [[Image:BlueTshirt.png]] Blue T-Shirt
| Other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Cwc dare]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"]]
}}

===Transcript===
{{infobox
| title = Statistics
| image = [[Image:rankS.jpg]]
| label1 = Damn Count | data1 = 42
| label2 = Fuck Count | data2 = 21
| label3 = Give (X) Count | data3 = 23
| label4 = Jack Thaddeus Count | data4 = 17
| label5 = Number of Humps | data5 = 1173
| label6 = Avg. Humps Per Second | data6 = 2.23
}}

[''Chris moves the camera, holding his PS3, then begins humping it while standing to his side.''] Oh, damn you Sack Thaddic—[[Jack Thaddeus]], give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. I'm. So. Damn. Stu. Pid. I've. Got. A. God. Damn. Mother. Fuckin'. 6. Inch. Cock. With. 4. Inch. Di. Am. Ih. Ter. BAWLS. I hope you—-uh...gimme back. My. Play. Station. Network. accounts. [''He moves to the center.''] Givem back to me, begging you...humping...nearly...on...mother...fuckin'...knees. You are...so...damn...this...is...the...worst...of...black...mail. Give me back my Play...Station...Ne--Network accounts. All...5...of those out-of-country a--ccounts.

[''He moves to his side again.''] I don't know if I could do this any better. But I'm doing this damn, damn, damn motherfucking hump! [''[[sigh]]s twice, before sitting down and continuing to hump''] Heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, mother...fucking heavy...motherfucking heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy...like a woman, with...heavyweight body type and damn...G...cup...breasts. It's a torture. It's a...pain, making me have to do this for 8 damn minutes. [''stands up again''] So, damn. [''sits down again''] Damn, damn, damn, emdamn, damn, damn, UGH damn. Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack motherfucking Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts and [''grabs the [[PSEye]] and moves it lower''] hold up your end of the bargain like you promised and leave me the motherfucking alone. Go bother somebody else you damn...[''panting and sighing'']

Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Networks account, you expert hacker! You, you ir—rational expert! Motherfucking...burning-in-hell...hacker! I don't even know how you even got the damn information about those 5 in the motherfucking first place! Jack Thaddeus, [''whiny''] GIVE ME BACK MY PLAYSTATION NETWORK ACCOUNTS!

This hurts! OH, this hurts! OH, this mother...fucking...hurts...uh...mother...uh...uh...uh...motherfucking hurts. Give me back my PlayStation...Network...'counts. [''moves the camera closer''] Oh, and some...motherfucking...master...of obvious social inquiries with DAMN drug deals, DAMN cocaine, GOT A family somewhere, someway or another...Alex being one of your damn relatives somehow, no idea, but give me back my...PlayStation Network accounts, yi motherfucking idiots. This really is a paaaain! It hurts, it hurts, because...the dang, dang 'ing is...so motherfucking heavy. I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! [[The_MovingForward_videos|Kill the Xbox!]] New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360. You look at it makes you turn around--[[IRC_(23_July_2009)| makes you do a 360° and walk away]]. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor_Roll|whatever the half of 360°]] is. [''stops, then continues'']

Ugh, damn, damn, damn, [''stands up''] damn, damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts I love PlayStation Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 3 fits—360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn, damn, damn, damn. Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. All 5 of those...out of...United States of America accounts.

Give 'em...all back. Give 'em all back. Give 'em. Give 'em all back. Ugh. [''sits down again''] Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em. ''GIVE 'EM. GIVE 'EM. GIVE 'EM. Give 'em back. Jack Thaddeus, motherfuckin' bastard. Think you're so, oh yeah, you so tough.'' You think you man. Some day you're gonna fall. You're gonna fall...and...God help you when you fall. You'll be down to hell, but I guess you don't care 'bout that, you're just a...motherfucking prince of hacking and torturing. Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts, you Jack Thaddeus. Ugh. Ugh. Oh, Jack Thaddeus. ''Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my motherfucking...PlayStation Network accounts.

Hey hey, yeah yeah,'' [[CWC "Boyfriend" | I don't like your boyfriend. No way, no way. Girl, I think you need a new one. Hey hey, yeah yeah, girl, woman, I could be your boyfriend]]. 'Cause...I am damn straight. Uh, damn rumors on the Internet from damn trolls make a mockery outta me and everything I do. That's...drawn me down to...quit drawing 'cause I lost motherfucking inspiration. Uh, damn, Jack Thaddeus give me back my PlayStation Network accounts.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris screws his Playstation
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6SbiSvMhor0}}
| Stardate = 05 November 2009
| Maker = ujustgotpwned2008
| Subject = Porn remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = WELCOME TO THE INTERNET
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dvl5qFuWfxs}}
| Stardate = 05 November 2009
| Maker = ujustgotpwned2008
| Subject = Still Alive remix
}}

==See also==
* [[PS3]]
* [[Mass debating]]
* [[HEXBox]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Cwc dare]]|nextlink=[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]|}}
{{References}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-24]]

JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV

2015-12-09T01:01:28Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Articleofthenow}}

[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]] was a video leaked on 8 [[August 2010]]. In the video we see Chris, standing in the bathroom at his local Goodwill with what appears to be his ''[[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]]'' [[Chris and fashion|shirt]] on his head.

==History==
In [[May 2010]], Chris attempted to join the [[CWCki]] as "[[JenkinsJinkies]]". After he wrote the bizarre [[Coffee Place]] article, he was fooled into thinking he'd become a legendary [[troll]] and invited to join the "[[The Miscreants|inner circle]]" at [[Trollin Train]]. As part of the application process, he was required to make a video stating why he hated Chris, mention some nefarious trollings he'd done, and pledge allegiance to Clyde Cash.

It should be noted that Chris apparently thought that doing his [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]] impression (in lieu of digital distortion, as per the example video) and putting a shirt on his head would be enough to convince trolls that he was a fourteen-year-old boy.

{{Infobox/video
| name = JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9NFc72JSU20}}
| stardate = 8 [[August 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[6 June 2010]]
| next = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
}}

{{quote|I've performed my own voice-check with my DSi's Voice-Recording Program; I've found the best method to completely change my voice is to go deep, and also pucker my lips while I spoke. It really worked.|[[Jackie_E-mails_5|Chris on the making of this video.]]}}

==Transcript==
[''Disguised voice'']

To- For [[Clyde Cash]], and for everybody else on the [[CWCki|CWC-kii]]... I hate Christian Weston Chandler because...he is a lazy slob, [[Monthly tugboat|the money]] is wasted on him, he doesn't have to work for his money, damn that- damn him! And also, he is not friendly to us [[JERKS|males]]! He should be friendly to us males. It makes me- it really ticks me OFF. [''Grunt.'']

[''A PA announcement is heard in the background.''] Anyway, I have been trolling him... I sent him nice e-mails in the beginning when I started reading in- reading [[Sonichu (comic)|the comics]]...and, uh, then he did not reply, so then I sent him a bunch of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]], and then I pretended to be...you know, a whole bunch of other companies like that and such; (rushed) obviously he deleted my emails, but that's beside the point. Anyway, [''raises right hand''] I pledge my allegiance to Clyde Cash [''lowers hand''] and everybody else at the CWCki of getting the information on Christian Weston Chandler.

I'm sorry I have been taking so long in doing this, but I was just getting settled in, into my new home across the street from his house. Black sheep of the family. They live in that house and they promise not to tell my family back up in Boston. But of course, you know also, I ha- I have, uh, trolled him, I found him over at the [[Burger King]] on the way back to Boston from South Virginia. As I have created [[Chris and his ego|the famous]] [[Coffee Place|Burger King page]].

Thanks very much; Clyde Cash, you rule.

[''walks offscreen'']

{{LeakedVideos}}

Emily

2015-12-09T01:00:57Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{DeadLinks}}
[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

'''Emily Julia Schifflet'''<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)]]</ref> is [[Chris]]'s onetime [[sweetheart]] with whom he went on a date. The date memorably ended in disaster when he was trolled IRL by a [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man dressed like a pickle.]].

Emily's identity is zealously guarded by her friends, but needless to say, we can tell you she's female and has great legs. Some argue she's Asian, but those people are probably [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Chris's first date==
In [[2009#March|March 2009]], shortly after [[Julie]] turned out to be a thirteen-year-old boy, Chris vowed that he would return to his real-life exploits of [[Attraction Sign|stalking women in public places]] in order to gain his [[sweetheart]]. Emily, a journalism student and head of the [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter at [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|West Virginia University]] (and totally not a [[troll]]), decided to take Chris up on his offer and asked if he'd liked to go out to lunch sometime.

Chris actually stood up Emily the first time, on 16 [[March 2009]], because he was so [[stress|stressed]] from his parents arguing over whether she was real or not. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] believed that Emily was sincere and truly wanted to meet Chris, while [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] was more suspicious. Chris's small mind could not handle two simultaneous arguments and so he didn't go.<ref>[[Apology to Emily]]</ref> Emily was pissed off about this and demanded that Chris reschedule. Chris agreed and a new date was set.

When Chris finally did meet up for the date (on 19 March 2009 at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]), he brought his 81-year-old father, [[Bob Chandler]] along. Yes, he brought his dad on his first date. [[prom|At least it wasn't his mother.]]

Chris would later confide to Ivy that he was very proud that he did not soil himself when the Pickle Man appeared.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

===Kiss fail===
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|For reference, this is Chris in his kissing stance.]]

{{quote|Well, when I was going to ditch him for [[Man in the Pickle Suit|the man in the picklesuit]], Chris had his arm extended like he wanted a hug. So I was like, "sure, whatever" and was just going to give him a half assed hug. Lord, what a dumb move. I'm a small girl, so I have narrow shoulders. His [[Mass debating|large fucking arm]] basically weighed down around my neck over my shoulder and tightening, and what I could see in the corner of my eye was Chris puckering his lips and his face moving closer to mine. I did a [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|duck and turn]] to avoid it. If I seriously turned my head to get a better look, he may have well have gotten my lips. I wonder if that was what Chris was going for; the surprise kiss on the lips when the girl turns her head. Too bad that only works in [[anime]] and [[Netflix|movies]]. [[Liquid Chris|Or really suave guys]].|Emily}}

===Video===

This short clip contains the only footage known to exist.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|PNdj8wkroIA}}</center>

==Date conversation transcript==

''See [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]].''

==Post-date conversation transcript==

'''Clyde:''' Sorry.
 '''Chris:''' What's up?
 '''Emily:''' I think we need to talk.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Emily:''' Becau— It's not me, Chris. It's you. And, you know, I was just thinking about yesterday. I really didn't appreciate you, like, [[Megan|touching]] me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Emily:''' I di— I didn't appreciate you, like, constantly touching me, okay? You'd, like, just met me, and you were touching me constantly.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I'm sorry.
 '''Emily:''' [''interrupting''] I mean, you should never do that to a woman on, like, you know, one that you just met. And especially when you try, like... You tried to kiss me, okay? That's not right at all.
 '''Chris:''' I'm so sorry, I was a little nervous. I was nervous, a little bit.
 '''Emily:''' Why would you try to kiss somebody when— If you're nervous? I mean, I thought, like, people would be nervous and ''not'' try to kiss somebody.
 '''Chris:''' I don't—
 '''Emily:''' But anyways. Let me tell you about—
 '''Chris:''' Anyway.
 '''Emily:''' You'll probably ne— You'll probably never hear from me again, Chris, because The Pickle Man was just— He was a perfect gentleman, okay? He, like, took me out on a date and paid for my movie, and, like, since he kept his hands off of me, he got, like, a little extra ''extra'' from me, and that could have been you, Chris. Okay? So— And then he took me to meet Clyde, and Clyde's, like, a perfect gentleman as well. So, I'm going to be living in his mansion from now on.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Anyway, did you get back to West Virginia okay?
 '''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I didn't exactly go back to West Virginia; I'm going to be living with Clyde now, with, uh, with [[Julie]], and [[Blanca]], and [[Sarah]], and everyone else, Chris. Do you understand?
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Emily:''' Like, like, since... You don't understand, like, all the women that you've mistreated in the past, they're living with Clyde because he is rehabilitating them.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... I see... [''pause''] Well, I don't know what to say.
 '''Emily:''' So, do you have anything else to say?
 '''Chris:''' Umm... Well, this is the, uh... Well, uh, all I can say is, uh, I’m sorry about if you feel— If you feel— If I— That if I mistreated you, and, uh, somewhat, if you— If you felt like I, uh, did wrong.
 '''Emily:''' Because I don't know why— Why you have, like against, like, these men in the...pickle suits or whatever. Because he was just a guy in a pickle suit. I don’t understand, like, what was so, like, threatening about him. And apparently, you, like, called the cops on him? I mean, what did he do wrong? How you gotta report him? Saying that, like, a guy in a pickle suit's, like, stole your date.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I think in the past, uh, there, uh, yeah, Guy in The Pickle Suit posed as, uh, Blanca.
 '''Emily:''' But, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' And, uh...
 '''Emily:''' You, like, didn’t know this guy, and you’re already passing judgment on him, and you’re already, like… You passed judgment on thi— On Clyde, okay? Clyde’s like, the nicest guy ever, okay? He is, like… He is gonna be, like, taking care of me for the rest of the li— Rest of my life. ‘Cause he is loaded with cash.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Emily:''' Hence why his last name is "Cash".
 '''Chris:''' I see. Well, anyway, uh, if that’s what you want, uh, I can’t, uh, force you or anyth— Or anything else. So, uh—
 '''Emily:''' But, Chris, you should be careful [''Chris overlapping, indistinct'']. But you should be careful, Chris, on, like, all the women that you encounter, you better make sure that you treat them properly, do not touch them on the first date; [[Women's rights|don’t try to fucking kiss them]], and, you know, you’ll have no problems, but if you do, you know, the pickle men will come and take them away, and take them to Clyde, and he is gonna take care of them for the rest of their lives as well.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Alright. Okay. Alright, well, you— You take care of yourself.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, why don't you take care of yourself, too, Chris, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.

''For the second part of this audio, which is unrelated to Emily, see [[Hooker_incident|The Hooker Incident]].''

==Hindsight==
On 17 [[April 2009]], a [[white knight]]/counter-troll named Harbal revealed to Chris by email that Emily was a troll and that she wore a wire during her date with Chris. In said email, Chris was also directed to audios of his conversations with Emily on the website of [[The Miscreants]].<ref>[[White knight E-mails#17 April 2009 — Harbal]]</ref> On 31 [[August 2009]], Chris mentioned learning from the The Miscreants's website that Emily wore a wire during their date,<ref>[[Kacey Call 24]]</ref> suggesting that he did not ignore Harbal's email.

An individual named Emily is referred to in several chats from the [[Vanessa Saga]]. During [[Vanessa AIM Chat 6]], [[Vanessa AIM Chat 8]] and [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9]] (conducted on 21, 27 and 30 [[April 2009]] respectively) Chris was simultaneously instant messaging this Emily and chatting with [[Joshua Martinez]] (posing as [[Vanessa Hudgens]]). In Vanessa AIM Chat 8, Chris mentions having met this Emily and also says that she has a bodyguard (the reason for this is not specified). It is unknown whether or not this Emily is the same person as the Emily who met Chris in Charlottesville Fashion Square.

All the references to the Emily from the Vanessa saga came after Harbal's email. Therefore, if we assume that two Emilys are indeed the same, an explanation is needed as to why Chris continued being in contact with her despite Harbal's warning. It may that be it took a while for Chris to come to terms with the information that was sent to him. Harbal also told Chris that Ivy was a troll, and yet Chris continued being in contact with her afterwards.<ref>[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]</ref>

Emily may have been referenced by Chris In [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|episode 19]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]. The [[dating education]] class on which the story focuses has a student named Emily Ryan and a student named Fred Shiflet, whose last name is the same as that of Emily. In the final exam of Date Ed Fred gets a 91 and Emily gets an 82.<ref>''[[Sonichu 9]]'', pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_5 5], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_29 29]/</ref> Emily and Fred receiving good grades might suggest that Chris's view of Emily was not completely negative when he made episode 19.

On the other hand, in the [[CWCipedia]] article [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], which Chris wrote on 19-20 [[April 2010]],<ref>See the articles's [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Gal-Pals_and_Past_Sweethearts&action=history revision history].</ref> Emily's name is mentioned nowhere. The discrepancy might be explained by the fact that episode 19 was finished on 12 [[April 2009]],<ref>[[CWC Update 12 April 2009]]</ref> prior to Harbal's email, while Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts was written long afterwards.

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?gng0nnylr15nd3a Post-date Conversations]

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Charlottesville Fashion Square

2015-12-09T00:59:21Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

[[Image:FashionSquareMallExternal.jpg|thumb|200px|External view of Charlottesville Fashion Square.]]
[[File:GardenSquareMall2015.jpg|thumb|200px|The mall entrance.]]
[[Image:Fashionsquareretail399 thumb.jpg|thumb|200px|Image from inside the mall.]]

'''Charlottesville [[Fashion]] Square''' is one of the original venues for [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] exploits. Like all of his "attraction locations", it hasn't done much for him, as his behavior has led to several run-ins with its management and security personnel, ultimately resulting in a [[ban]] from the mall.

==Chris and the Fashion Square==
It was in this mall where Chris met [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer|"The Tale of the Crazy Pacer"]] got its start.

It was there that he had his heart smashed down to 15% by [[Hanna]], and presumably where he (accompanied by [[Bob|his father]]) went on his "date" with [[Emily]], who was later rescued by [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]]. It's safe to say that, at one point, a large portion of Chris's time spent outside the house was at this mall.

Due to the misadventures Chris had there, this place holds a significant role in Christory. Say "Hi" to the manager [[ScotPalazzo]] should you ever visit!

==Chris vs. Fashion Square==
Chris has gotten himself into trouble at Fashion Square on a number of occasions over the years.

On 5 August [[2004]], according to [[CWC's Diary]], Chris's attempts to fish for a girlfriend with a [[Red String of Fate]] were cut short by a [[jerkop]] who destroyed that particular Love Quest accessory. A month later, on 6 September, he had another run-in with a security guard who was apparently treated to a rendition of Chris's "Lonesome Virgin story".

11 September 2004 saw Chris's first partial ban from the mall, forbidding him from returning without a parent to accompany him. His diary doesn't explain exactly why he was banned, but [[Sub-Episode 1|Sub-Episode #1]] dramatizes the day's events. Reading between the lines of the comic book version, Chris was loitering and soliciting with his [[Attraction Sign]], became belligerent with security, and was arrested and removed from the mall.

Chris was apparently able to return to the mall unaccompanied by the next spring. On 29 March 2005, the infamous date with Hanna took place, after which Chris emitted an anguished "NOOOOOOOO" that led him to being banned from the mall once again.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat#ban|Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie e-mails part 2#ban|Jackie E-mails - Part II]]</ref> [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] indicates that the ban (which again prevented Chris from going to the mall without a parent) was still in effect towards the end of 2008.

According to the reports of a field agent, Chris was seen 'sperging at the mall accompanied by his parents in the summer of 2010. Subsequently, on 31 August 2010, he was spotted (and filmed) hanging out at the mall alone. This suggests that either the bans have expired, or Chris has managed to [[Flipnote Hatena|evade yet another ban]].

In early 2012, Chris's leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that he had returned to loitering at the mall on a regular basis. His "normal plan" at the mall, according to the leaks, is to "sit, hang and wait for a Ms. Right."

On 4 February, he managed to get himself in trouble again, by leaving flyers decrying [[Michael Snyder]] around the mall. A security guard found them and attempted to speak to Chris about them. Chris then fled the mall and drove away.

On 31 March, he managed to get himself in trouble for a second time this year, this time by yelling on his phone towards his trolls. Security guards came to confront Chris, but he ended up fleeing the mall once more.

On 28 April, Chris released a [[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D|Facebook message]] stating that, on the 25th of April, he had received the ban-hammer for getting angry in the mall when he answered some calls from the trolls.

On 17 [[December 2014]], an [[Apology Letters‎|apology letter]] with a date of August 15 was leaked. The letter has Chris blaming [[troll]]s and [[stress]] for his misdeeds, and asking the manager to allow him and [[Catherine]] to shop there.

On 26th December, 2014, Chris attempted to evade his ban from the GameStop there, and ([[Chris and Fashion|dressed like a clown]]) tried to vandalize the store's Sonic Boom display. When he failed and staff made a move to call security, Chris left, but not before [[GameStop Assault|macing an employee in the chest]]. With the police called in, Chris somehow evaded arrest at the mall. Reports from a police radio mention that Chris was still banned from the mall at that point.

==Chris captured on video==
On the last day of [[August 2010]], the same cameraman who spotted Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] posted this brief snippet on [[YouTube]], showing Chris slumped in a chair and staring creepily at a young woman at the mall.

Chris's [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mail exchanges with Clyde Cash]] revealed that he was sitting around waiting to be rewarded for destroying his [[PS3]].

{{collapsible
|Another Rare Glimpse of Chris in Public.
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When you see it...
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x3wnz8i00QA}}
| Stardate = 31 August 2010
| Maker = 0ArchieBunker0
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==Comic references==
===[[Sub-Episode 1|Sub-Episode #1]]: "Jerkop-tastropie"===
Dramatization of Chris getting busted by [[jerkop|mall security]] for loitering.

===[[Sub-Episode 2|Sub-Episode #2]]: "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"===
Dramatization of a [[Hanna|girl who works at a Starbucks]] trolling Chris by taking him out on a date.

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.simon.com/mall/charlottesville-fashion-square Official Website]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlottesville_Fashion_Square Wikipedia Article]

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

You're Always Pretty

2015-12-09T00:57:53Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''You're Always Pretty''' (leaked as '''hyigybybbhgy.flv''') is the first video [[Barbara|Chris's mother]] has ever appeared in. In the video Chris and Barb solemnly make small talk while eating junk food. Chris throws her some strangely inappropriate compliments, and it is implied that they have been fighting and not speaking to each other, although there is no clear reason as to why. Though this was early in the [[Tomgirl Saga]] where Barb was still resistant to Chris's new changes. (according to Chris's [[Facebook_statuses|Facebook page]], it may also be because he got caught flipping the bird to a [[Jerkop]]). It is the first of its kind, the most candid look at Chris's mother, who has not yet appeared in his [[YouTube]] videos. The video was leaked on 25 [[February 2012]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = You're Always Pretty
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NCVbRc6WIfA}}
| stardate =
| subject = {{Other|Food}}
| style =
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Not visible
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Who's Your Brony?]]
| next = [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]
}}

===Transcript===
[''Barb and Chris sit at a table eating fast food. Chris has apparently just brought out his camera and set it down. For some reason, Barb is wearing Chris's old pair of [[Pedo-glasses]] with the blue Crayola Model Magic bridge. [[Wikipedia:Tears for Fears|Tears for Fears]]' "[[Wikipedia:Head over Heels (Tears for Fears song)|Head Over Heels]]" plays in the background, beginning at the lyric "''Oh, you're wasting my time''".'']

'''Chris''': -Oh.

'''Barb''': [''Laughing like Jabba the Hutt'']

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Barb''': You got your digital camera?

'''Chris''': [[Lie|Yeah. Just a little something there, uh ... ]]

'''Barb''': Who- who're you gonna take pictures of?

'''Chris''': Uuh... Just you...

'''Barb''': Oh.

'''Chris''': 'Cause I love you.

'''Barb''': Oh, okay. [''Laughing'']

'''Chris''': Yeah... [''Pause''] Yeah... So, you having fun tonight? Aaaare we having fun right now?

'''Barb''': I'm eating.

'''Chris''': Mmm'kay. Y'know, you're very pretty. You're ''always'' pretty!

'''Barb''': Thank you... See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, have no fun! Hm?

'''Chris''': What?

'''Barb''': [''Chuckles'']

'''Chris''': Yeah. The shirt I picked out from Goodwill the 'udder day. Yeah. [[Chris and Music|I am free as a bird! And this bird you cannot change!]]

'''Barb''': Enjoy your food.

'''Chris''': Yes- [''turns off camera'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Who's Your Brony?]]|nextlink=[[Message for John Kyle]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

User:Caravaggio

2015-12-08T09:25:53Z

Caravaggio:

You asked if I'd be anyone from history

Fact or fiction, dead or alive

I said "I'd be Christian Weston Chandler, circa 2009."

McIntire Park

2015-12-08T09:10:29Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

[[Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg|thumb|left|HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE DOGWOOD FESTIVAL!]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|''"I think what we're saying is... it's going to be compromised,"'' – said Mala Cunningham at just that same moment. Little did she know...]]
[[Image:Z100 0827.jpg|thumb|right| ...that was exactly what was happening.]]

'''McIntire Park''' is a park in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] which became a [[Attraction Location|favorite hangout]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] during [[2009]]. It features a chalkboard wall where visitors can leave whatever messages (or drawings of your [[Sonichu (character)|favorite hedgehog hero]]!) as they see fit. Every April, the annual [http://www.charlottesvilledogwoodfestival.org/ Dogwood Festival] is held at the Park, featuring a fireworks display.

The Park was at the center of a local controversy, due to plans to reallocate part of the area to a new [[Wikipedia:YMCA|YMCA]] facility and a parkway. Chris joined the effort to save the Park in the summer of [[2009]].

==Chris on NBC==
On 22 [[July 2009]], local [[Wikipedia:NBC|NBC]] affiliate [[Wikipedia:WVIR-TV|WVIR]] ran a story on the six o'clock news about the controversy surrounding the park. During an interview with a representative of the McIntire Preservation Committee, Chris marches through the background of the shot while holding up his [[Medallions|Sonichu medallion]].
{{-}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|KmPSkNrgjys}}</center>
<center>Chris shows up at 1:08 if you want to skip to it.</center>

==Chris in a Council Meeting==
At some point prior to 14 [[August 2009]], Chris created a two-foot-wide sign featuring [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their children]] with giant wads of babbling text, intended to express support for the park. The youngsters are holding extremely tiny signs that read "SAVE MCINTIRE PARK," which would be impossible to read from more than six feet away, rendering the sign largely useless.

The sign would be seen in [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|a video]] where Chris used his artwork to refute the claims of [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. On 17 August Chris brought the sign with him to a Charlottesville city council meeting, and was recognized for his [[Chris and Art|effort]]. Chris began to ramble out of turn until the city council told him to pipe down, earning the envy of millions.

Alas, even the power of Electric Hedgehog Pokemon wasn't enough to save the park; court challenges to the YMCA<ref>http://www.cvillepedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Piedmont_Family_YMCA</ref> and parkway<ref>http://www.cvillepedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Meadowcreek_Parkway</ref> construction failed, and the construction on Chris's precious park is currently underway.<ref>http://www.cvilletomorrow.org/news/article/15045-Meadowcreek-Interchange-Traffic/</ref>
<center>{{#ev:youtube|2XQ3CVL-ejQ}}</center>

===Transcript===
[[Image:Sonichu Rosechu Save McIntire by Cwcipedia.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and family expressing their support for the park]]
''[transcription starts at 0:30, speaker is Bob Fenwick]''

Fenwick: I would also like to call special attention to a young man, Christian Chandler, who's in the audience, who spent a great deal of time making his own save McIntire sign.

''[applause, Chris starts shouting in the audience]''

Chris: ''[Holding up the sign]''
Indeed!

Hmm. It's less expensive for McIntire Park. Membership is required for the YMCA and plus the wading pool should be bigger and deeper.

''[gets cut off by chairman]''

Chairman: Eh, heheh, one speaker at a time. Thank you.

''[Audience laughs]''

Fenwick: Now, I think you all...

== Independence Day Sighting ==
[[File:CWC Pokemon.png|thumb|left|Artist's conception of Chris using the attraction rock of fail.]]
[[File:Disco duck.png|thumb|What the note probably said.]]
[[File:Zoom_lens_for_DSi.jpg|thumb|The "zoom lens" as aforementioned. Apparently it acts as a sort of optic enhancement by adding a binocular zoom]]

On 4 July 2010, a [[trolls|troll]] reported that they had spotted Chris at the Independence Day celebrations held at McIntire Park on 4 July. Chris allegedly wore [[Chris and fashion|relatively normal clothing]], indicating that perhaps he had realized how retarded he looked on his previous outing.

The troll reported that Chris had what appeared to be a large camera lens attached to the front of his DSi, and was presumably using it to survey the area for [[boyfriend-free girl]]s.

Interestingly, the troll also reported that Chris scribbled a note onto something, wrapped it around a rock, and chucked it at a woman in what would appear to be a more aggressive and direct twist to the [[Red String of Fate]] tactic. Another possible explanation is that this is Chris's way of messaging people he doesn't know on [[facebook]] or various [[dating profiles]], applied to the real world. Whatever his logic was, the contents of the note remain a mystery.

The troll's account in full:

{{quotebox|I have followed the Chris trolling for a while, because who could resist reading about some guy who lived in the same city as you? Though I never would have expected to run into the elusive manchild, that is, until July 4th. Every year, McIntire Park shoots off fireworks for the July 4th. Many families come out to watch, despite the decline in quality each year due to money problems. So imagine my surprise when I see the internet sensation himself. I had to do a double take to make sure. No, he wasn't wearing anything outrageous like in Friday's After 5 footage. No Sonichu medallion. I guess he really has given up on Sonichu. 
I didn't stalk him the entire time he was there, but kept tabs every once in a while. He spent a lot of time near the baseball field. At one point I noticed he pulled out his DSi, with something odd attached to the front of it. It looked like a zoom lense. But do they make zoom lenses for the DSi? I thought the camera quality was already shit. He seemed to use his DSi and what I think is the zoom lense looking at the people around here, presumably women, considering the creepy person he is. A little while later I noticed he had gotten up and started to walk, to where, I don't know. Then he stopped. Now, I don't know how to make of this...I saw him scribble on something, wrap it around what I think he picked up was a rock, and threw it at this woman. I don't think it hit her, but she seemed startled. She picked up whatever he threw, opened up the paper he had written on, looked at him, and shook her head. She then turned and went on her way. 
At that point, I decided to leave it at that and go back to hanging out with my friends. I didn't see him after that point. I assume he decided to change where he was sitting or people were just blocking my view, because as it got darker it got incredibly more busy.}}

==See also:==
{{CWCipedia|chris=McIntirePark}}
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[CWCville|CWCville Park/CWC-Central Park]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://savemcintire.org Save McIntire]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Victory Rockout

2015-12-08T09:07:09Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''Victory Rockout''' (originally called '''Skyrim Victory.mp4''') is a video leaked early in the morning of 28 [[August 2011]] by [[CWCki]] user Dinglebear, under the YouTube account "CWCvilleProductions". In this video, Chris flails around a ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller while dancing to Sbeast's [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyCFuP3rM2w metal version] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim|The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim]]'' theme. Chris completely disregards both the rhythm and structure of the original song, and just [[Random-access humor|screams whatever pops in his mind in a not-particularly-musical manner]]. It appears to be created in response to [[Thorg]]'s retirement from [[trolling]], referencing [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|Thorg's love for ''The Elder Scrolls'']].

Chris once again complains about [[CWCki]]. He's likely taking an issue with the PS3 Tracker on the front page, which said at the time ''"Chris was last spotted playing ''Fallout: New Vegas''. Chris has spent over $3,678.10 of YOUR money!"'' and is trying to hint that he's not spending ''that'' much money on video games. (It is worth noting that CWCki's numbers are on the conservative side.)

The video frequently skips and misses frames, which is most likely due to his [[PSEye]] being damaged ([[Chris and anger|again]]).

{{Infobox/video
| name = Victory Rockout
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tzsAom48iMA}}
| stardate = 28 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Comedy|[[Random Access Humor]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Green Shirt with Unreadable Text
| previous = [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]
| next = [[Response to ADF]]
}}

{{quote|Glad to see my remixes going to good use. . .|sbeast64}}

===Transcript===
''Chris kneels down and presses buttons on the [[PS3]] controller, and the music begins. He starts furiously slapping his [[Guitar Hero]] guitar.''

Eah, we got victory! I won with a victory! Victory on all damn cyber bullies! Cyberbullies gonna get their kickin', BAM BAM BAM! Bam! I kicked your head in, you damn dirty bullies! [''Strikes the air with his [[Gitar of Fail|guitar controller.]]] Whee!

You bullies are really, really stupid! Trolls are really, really stupid! Hey you bullies are really, really stupid! [[Random-access humor|Team Rocket]]'s stupid, you're stupid, you're stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID STUPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!

Hello, [[Ian]]! Why is your last name Brandon Anderson?!

{{RageQuote|[[Sex tape|JULAAAYYYYYY!]]}}

[''crows loudly like a rooster'']

Victory over the trolls! I'm also the creator of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]! Yeah! [''turns around and thrusts his ass towards the camera''] So you can kiss it! Kit! Kiss it! Kiss it!

And I paid ten dollars for this guitar and game combo, at a garage sale a couple weeks ago! I only paid $10 FOR ''Fallout: Vegas'' when it was on sale a previous time!

So your assumptions of what I paid for everything...INCORRECT!

The [[CWCki]]'s a damn [[lie]]! Ahhh....exaggerations! False implications! [[Nudes|Naked truths]] and a content plague inside contents!

Never trust the CWCki no matter what! [[Mailbag|If you have questions, ask me d'personally!]] I will answer with [[Honest Content|honesty!]] All they tell you is exaggeration and lies! Damned old internet bullies!

[[Death Threats|DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!]]

[''turns off [[PSEye]]'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]|nextlink=[[Response to ADF]]}}
{{Calling Out}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-28 v]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Sonichu's Edge

2015-12-08T09:06:01Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

[[File:Mirror's Edge.jpg|thumb|left|The truth about the video title.]]
[[File:ParkayTwentyFifteen.jpg|thumb|Chris wishes he were eating this instead.]]
[[File:Sonichu's Edge.png|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

"'''Sonichu's Edge'''" (officially "'''Sonichu's Edge.MP4'''") is a video uploaded on 3 [[December 2009]], in which [[Chris]] goes "[[Father Call|jogging]]". The title is a not-too-subtle [[parody]] of the 3D platformer ''[[Wikipedia:Mirror's Edge|Mirror's Edge]]''.

Based on the accompanying [[3 December 2009|Captain's Log]], he made this to show that he is "pumped up for [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pushing Sonichu out]] into merchandise." This video proves that Chris has no idea what "jogging" is. He is sprinting (for him) in this video, obviously missing the point that jogging is a slow, easy run. Chris inserts many obvious jump cuts (at 1:30, 1:58, 2:25, 3:00, 3:22 and 3:42) where he's run out of breath and needs a break due to how [[Chris and health#Exercise|out of shape he is]].

Chris calls his running "[[Wikipedia:Parkay|parkay]]", confusing the acrobatic sport [[Wikipedia:Parkour|parkour]] with a brand of squeezable margarine, as well as "light jogging" with "parkour" in general.

One can only imagine what the citizens of [[Charlottesville]] must have thought as a fat, sweaty [[slow-in-the-mind]] went puffing by at a little-over-walking pace with a camera dangling from his obese neck.

An e-mail in [[Mailbag 16#Parkay analysis|Mailbag 16]] pointed out that Chris ran about 579 yards (529 meters) in 3 and a half minutes, at a very stilted jogging pace of 2.8 m/s (6 mph / 10 km/h), nowhere near the 5 miles (8 km) or 30 minutes he claimed it would be in his call with Kacey's Father. Chris seems unable to estimate measurements of length and time.

Chris has [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris lies about how much he can run|declined to record another running video]], blaming the battery in his camera.

==Video==
{{Protip|Do not watch this video if you are prone to motion sickness. We mean it.}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Sonichu's Edge
| video = {{#ev:youtube|T4Go7hCeMys}}
| stardate = 3 [[December 2009]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[3 December 2009]]
| next = [[Holiday Greetings]]
}}
{{quote|There may be one or two pauses where I have to catch my breath. Of course that's what you expect, even from the [[Sonic|best runner]].}}

=== Transcript ===
[''brandishes [[Amnyfest Ring]]''] Hello there, [[fans]]! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown [[mall]], where for the [[Sonichu]] franchise and city of [[CWCville]], and everything like that, I'm gonna do [[Chris and English|a parkay]] from this point [''camera spins around to show some sidewalks''] all the way down to the gara--parking garage [''camera spins back to Chris''] where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held. And for this viewing, the camera will be hung around my neck right about here. [''gestures to the [[Sonichu medallion]]''] To get--see what I see from that point of view. And, also, uh, there may be one or two pauses where I have to catch my--my breath. [[Obesity|Of course that's what you expect]], [[Chris and reality|even from the best runner]].

[''Jump cut. Camera is now apparently hanging around Chris's neck. Chris's hand comes into frame for a second for him to flash the Amnyfest Ring.'']

Alright, here we go!

'''0:42-1:20''' Chris begins running, relatively slowly. His path seems to be pretty erratic. Breathing can be faintly heard.

'''1:21-1:30''' Chris enters a populated area. Though the jerky camera makes it difficult to see, several people seem to stop and stare at him. At 1:28, Chris's heavy breathing becomes audible.

'''1:31-1:44''' First jump cut. For those keeping score, Chris stops to rest after forty-eight seconds of jogging. He continues through the shopping center, his hands occasionally coming into frame.

'''1:45-1:46''' Chris goes in between some trees.

'''1:47-1:58''' Chris's breathing starts becoming heavy again.

'''1:59-2:15''' Second jump cut. Chris runs past a [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|happy couple]], and then runs down some stairs.

'''2:16-2:25''' Chris passes by a large [[Christmas]] tree. Around 2:20, his movement begins to slow down considerably.

'''2:26-2:33''' Third jump cut.

'''2:34-2:41''' Relaxing [[guitar]] music fades in and out as Chris passes a group of buskers playing "[[wikipedia:House of the Rising Sun|House of the Rising Sun]]".

'''2:42-2:54''' Chris continues onwards.

'''2:55-3:00''' Chris runs past a small bus.

'''3:01-3:16''' Fourth jump cut. Chris runs through some decorative trees.

'''3:17-3:21''' Chris rounds a corner, and approaches an open door.

'''3:22-3:32''' Fifth jump cut. Chris is now inside a building. He trudges up some stairs, clearly walking.

'''3:33-3:42''' Chris passes someone going in the opposite direction. He continues upwards.

'''3:43-3:50''' Sixth jump cut. Chris apparently reaches the 4th floor and exits a door into the blinding sunlight.

'''3:51-4:10''' Chris is now on the top level of a parking structure. He runs across the parking area. Around 4:05 his breathing becomes very heavy. At 4:10, he reaches his destination. The camera shows a large tented area on the ground far below.

See? Amphitheater. [''Camera spins around back to Chris, who flashes the peace sign''] Thank you for your [[trolling|continued support]]!

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu's Edge
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eGKCSS-QUkE}}
| stardate = 4 December 2009
| maker = IBAClydeCash
| subject = Sonichu's Edge
| type = (VG) Parody
| info = Replaces Faith with [[Chris]].
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Doodle- Parkay
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RuqRS3KVnQs}}
| stardate = 11 December 2009
| maker = TheOfficialCWC
| subject = {{Fanart|text}}
| type = Speedpaint
}}

==See also==
*[[3 December 2009]]

==External links==
*[http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF&msa=0&msid=104235379233340359048.000479de54a1731a2b512 Chris's Route as detailed by Google Maps]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2N1TJP1cxmo The trailer for what Chris is failing to imitate]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[3 December 2009]]|nextlink=[[Holiday Greetings]]|}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, December 2009| 2009-12-03]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2009-12-03]]

Weens

2015-12-08T09:05:03Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Are you 6-years-old or somethin'?|[[Bob Chandler]] outsmarting a ween attempting to [[prank call]] Chris.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Log]]s, '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[Random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a failed prank call or two will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|C7-VY_V-uLE}} {{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening Consists Of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]

* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calls to Chris's house and/or cellphone. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" or "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON]]/[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|SOMETHING]]!" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the two often overlap. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his terminally unfunny "commentaries" on Chris.
* [[Facebook]] stalking that goes ''far'' beyond merely checking up on what he's doing and adding it to a month-of-the-year page.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pag]][[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|es]] with random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s redesign in ''[[Sonic Boom]]''.
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him ([[Megan]], [[Cole]], [[the Wallflower]], etc.) and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry, folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' and ''[[Sonichu the animated series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris. Double dumbass points for making excuses like it being a demo, claiming you had a sore throat that day, or both.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], such as vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or even death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]

We know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who still think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not use that effort to choose a better victim? As much as the CWCki examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris isn't even ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Megan Schroeder|Neo-Nazis]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Barb|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Chris and religion|religious zealots]], [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|zoophiles]], [[Computer|malware writers]], [[JuggaloShoutOut|gang]] [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|members]], and many other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get Laughs Under Lucricities, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been extracted from years of trolling and information gathering, except perhaps the odd [[CWC-ism]] he occasionally makes up, and other shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, you'll be hard-pressed not to get some cobwebs and dust in return. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow similar to Chris who hasn't been inured to years of deceit yet.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. BlueSpike never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who had a YouTube celebrity as a brother; then, he discovered he was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to [[Holding Out for a Hero|latch onto her so hard]].

Ask any of Chris's seasoned trolls, and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. On one hand, he completely shrugged off "Blanca"'s theft and destruction of the original medallions, yet on the other hand has [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit with the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log.

==={{CURRENTYEAR}}'s Chris is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' In short, you're wasting your time trying to rehash older trolling events, because we've all seen it before; more importantly, so has Chris, so he probably knows where you're going with it, too.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Most of Chris's content came from a time when he believed he had lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loved him. The constant stream of weenery over the years has made him think of himself as a victim who won't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he's wised up and has become far more private, meaning barely any content for us.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content of his own accord, without any input from trolls or weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on someone he hasn't spoken to for years, [[10 January 2014|accidentally set fire to his house]], and swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]]; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had either simply toned down the vitriol, or at the very least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included homemade yiff fanfiction featuring an exceptionally [[duck|well-endowed]] fox OC, a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography stashed [[Mass debating|for fetishistic reasons]], and a video where A-Log does an excruciatingly unfunny stand-up "comedy" bit, revolving almost entirely around attacking Chris and what the radio was playing at the time--before a crowd who, judging by their reaction, had never even heard of Chris.

By the same token, obsessive and excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging on the front.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris may have to spend a long time fending off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting an emotionally vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of on the internet as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] mass debate for hours on end and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass, all at 13 no less.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his e-mail inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] enjoys seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think the current drought in content is because of a shortage of active trolls, consider that we would be having a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude right now, had Chris not given up on making frequent videos. A lot has happened over the past 4 years, although you wouldn't know it from his near-invisible updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, was led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, threw away all of his [[eBay]] and commission money on [[Lego]] bricks and custom [[Amiibo]], eventually dumped eBay for [[Etsy]], [[Destruction of Chris's House|caused a house fire]] after brewing coffee in his bathroom at 2 in the morning, began what will probably be a [[Sonic Boom Protests|long crusade against]] [[Omar Woodley]] and the blue-armed bandit, and been arrested again as a result of it. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; if Chris still had his old enthusiasm for 24/7 content creation, we'd be utterly spoiled.

Honestly, most of the [[Saga|bullshit]] in his life has been [[Chris and anger|his]] [[Chris and his Ego|own]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|fault]]; even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris unexpectedly spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unfettered by the vitriol they'd receive from obsessive fans like Chris; and as with the incident in 2011, several details of his misadventures at GameStop would've taken a lot longer to come to light, had he not posted his own mind-blowingly self-serving account of the incident on Facebook within days of being released on bail. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" In other words, even without active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[Main Page|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Hello, Juffalo

2015-12-08T09:03:33Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{quote|Fuckin' Chris Chan, how does he work?|CorruptedGamingShow making a reference to an ICP meme.}}

"'''Hello, Juffalo'''" (or "'''Hello, Juffalo.MOV'''") is a video uploaded on 18 [[December 2009]] where [[Chris]] performs "[[wikipedia:Tales from the Lotus Pod|Juggalo Family]]" by [[wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]] and fucks up the lyrics constantly.

Chris tries hard to act like a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]] by painting his face like a [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]-themed clown (note the rosy red cheeks) and imitating stereotypes of gangster subculture. He is close to having no flow, spending the majority of the time either mumbling the lyrics or not even reciting them at all. In other words, ''Chris can't even get being one of the most infamous fanbases in music right.'' He also gives a shout-out to "[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo Juffalos]", which is apparently a Juggalo term for superficial posers who don't understand the depth and complexity of literally clowny rap music.

This is the second time [[Homos|Chris wore makeup]], with the first time being shown in [[War Paint Video]].

He dedicates this song to an unnamed [[gal-pal]], whose influence likely explains the sudden influx of Chris-chan rap videos.

==Video==
{{Protip|Worry not, trypophobics. This video mentions but does ''not'' show lotus pods.}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Hello, Juffalo
| image = {{#ev:youtube|bU-PnsLEjsw}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 December 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[IPods Down and Listen Up]]
| next = [[20 December 2009]]
}}
</center>

===Transcript===
[[Captain's Log|Captain's Rockin' LOG]], fans! And we're rockin' it...out loud, with "Juffalo Family" for my gal pal.

<poem>
And you want to know if I'll trade ten Juggalos, for a hundred mainstream fans, and I said, "I wouldn't trade ten Juggalos for a hundred ''thousand'' mainstream fans; ten Juggalos is priceless."

I got love for my homies, members of the Lotus
United we stand...squashing all deadly fo-ces
Been to Hell, could've sent an eternity there
[[6 June 2010|All]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|the]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|bad]] [[nudes|shit]] [[Megan|I've]] [[Father Call|done]], I should still be there
Juggalos, can ya feel me? Worldwide...
Running with the [[Pocket knife|hatchet]] straight out of the Lotus Pod
Always got [''indistinct'']
Juggalos, Dark Lotus, Psychopathic, [''begins mumbling lyrics indistinctly''] thatthuwayyoogo...

So many people in the maytris die alone
Not me, my soul belongs to juggalos
They keep me going when I'm down and out
I pick the phone up, drop them a line and hear them shout
Saying "[''indistinct''] is the shit," [''indistinct'']
I give a pupah to all the [[homos]] and the [[china]]s who [''indistinct''] started
[''indistinct'']

[''mumbling stops, shouting of chorus begins''] [[Twin Falling Towers|MASS MURDER MAKES ME HAPPY]]
[[Chris and death|DEAD BODIES MAKE ME HAPPY]]
Say what you will of me,
I'll-always have a Juggalo FAMILY!
MASS MURDER MAKE ME HAPPY
DEAD BODIES MAKE ME HAPPY
Say what you will of me
I'll always have a Juggalo familAAAAAy!

Six individual pelt over and stiff
They try to ride away don't follow my trend
There's be a dirt filled grit and grind.
Goodbye Juggalo...[''mumbles''] what's mine is yours
That's why I go to a dark carnival show, show you a different world
[''mumbles'']--juggalo, throw the hatchet!
[[Homos|Tell 'em I'm gonna be sucking your dick!]] Bitch be psychopathic!

On my iPod be living it all along
[''mumbles'']--of the sunlight!
[''mumbles'']--for so many years that I question the love in my heart
I hate everyone and I hate everything
Except all the Juggalos and the love that they bring! I love ya!

[''chorus'']

[''Chris struggles to keep up with the lyrics while ICP music is playing in the background'']
...shirt would still be saggy
I wouldn't be fat, I'd still be hungry and crabby
Used to buy our own records at the stores so they would think it was a hot seller
In other words...but we built a team of killers with the same dream
But we couldn't reach the top; we'd stay like Charlie Sheen
We finally realized we will always have the Juggalos
I'll never give another second to them other hoes!

[''Chris struggles to keep along the chorus, which repeats twice, then makes retarded poses while slurring:'']
Lotus! Lotus! Lotus! Lotus! Lotus!

[''repeats quote at beginning of song and chorus repeats twice before fading out; Chris clears his throat at one point'']
</poem>

==See also==
*[[JuggaloShoutOut]]

==External links==
*[http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/darklotus/juggalofamily.html The actual lyrics]
*[http://tubedubber.com/#_YWgTHW2NAg:pcMK1UwTpYw:100:50:6:0:true Dubbed with the real song]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[IPods Down and Listen Up]]|nextlink=[[20 December 2009]]|}}

{{Music Videos}}
[[Category: Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, December 2009| 2009-12-18]]

Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean

2015-12-08T09:02:14Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

{{Template:DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb|Chris overestimates his own [[power]] as he begs his [[Trolls|True and Loyal Fanbase]] to support his cause.]]

'''Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean''' (full title "'''04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV'''") is an audio recording released by [[Chris]] chronicling an attempt to get himself unbanned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] by confronting [[Michael Snyder]], the [[manajerks|manager]] who permanently ejected him from the store in the summer of [[2008]]. Chris recorded their conversation by hiding a video camera in his pocket. The phrase "ColdHearted" in the title is supposed to be a [[Random-access humor|play on the title]] of ''[[Pokemon]] HeartGold''.

As usual, Chris adds this to his list of fails as Michael is unmoved by his attempts to get back in, and is entirely justified in this belief. According to Michael himself, Chris's plea was a script he had written down on a piece of paper.<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comments]</s> Dead link</ref> He also, it seems, can't remember why he was kicked out of the store in the first place. He mentions a "[[Nintendo|Wii]] incident," an occasion where he angered the management with his regular habit of taking over the store's flatscreen TV with his [[video game]] consoles, but otherwise he appears to be genuinely confused as to why Snyder won't let him back in. Oddly, yet hilariously, Chris adds to his streak of [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racist videos]] by shouting "JEW!" at Michael as he leaves the store, [[South Park|like a certain other egotistical fat kid]]. Of note, Michael is not actually Jewish, and the last name Snyder (or Schneider) is German in origin.

The conversation took place on 12 [[April 2010]] and Chris uploaded it to [[YouTube]] later the same day. Shortly after it was posted, the recording was removed from YouTube due to a terms of use violation, either because of Chris's anti-Semitic attitude, because the recording itself may have been [[Chris and the Law|illegal]], or because of the dox and incitement to harass dropped in the description. In the early morning hours of the next day, Chris added a text-only [[:File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|image]] on the front page of [[CWCipedia]] accusing Michael Snyder of [[Kick the Autistic|discriminating against him]] for having [[autism]], and linked to a troll mirror of the deleted video (which he had mistaken for a fan).

One way or another, this video is absolute proof of Chris violating the law—he dropped into the store unannounced with full knowledge that he wasn't supposed to be there. [[Virginia]] defines this as "trespassing", which is a crime punishable by a fine not to exceed $2500, at most one year in prison, or both. According to Mimms, cops were called after this happened, though Michael was unable to press the issue.

==Prelude to the madness==
On 21 April 2010, a woman named [[Jackie]] dropped a number of e-mails<ref>See [[Jackie e-mails]], [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]] and [[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> between herself and Chris. In one of the letters, Chris reveals that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church the day before the video was released. When one of the cashiers saw Chris and recognized him, he threatened to call the cops. Chris got angry and bolted.

Finding out Michael Snyder would appear the next day, Chris had his plan - approach Michael and attempt to get the ban lifted. Chris's plan was that if Michael did not lift the ban after this long, [[Chris and the Law|he would call the cops]]. Chris hid a camera in his pocket with the intent of using it as evidence in the event he had to resort to this.

==Description==
{{quotebox|This happened on my recent visit to the Game & Hobby Place. My Camera was hidden in my Vest Pocket.

I encourage all to go there in person, find Michael, and [[Chris and hypocrisy|pester/Troll]] the hell out of him (other employees who support him optional). Also say to Michael, "[[Chris and race|Do Not Discriminate]] Against People like Christian Weston Chandler."

243 Ridge McIntire Road Charlottesville, VA 22903 (434) 984-1040}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HE96AoHZr4s}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[F Abstinance]]
| next = [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]}}

{{quote|I'm a better person...}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris is speaking into a recorder. From the sound of it, it seems like he is inside his [[Son-chu|car]].'']

'''Chris:''' This is Christian Weston Chandler, [[Captain's Log]]. Stardate... 4:34 PM, Monday, April 12, 2010. I am about to go into the Game and Comic Hobby Place — also sell toys there — to get myself, to try to get myself unbanned and get forgiveness for the mistake I have made almost a year ago when I was banned from the store in June of 2008.

[''Heavy [[sigh]] from Chris'']

'''Chris:''' The dude who banned me was, his name is Michael Snyder, possibly a [[Chris and race#Jews|Jew]] considering his last name. Nothing bad against the Jews, but I'm just throwin' it out there. Alright, so, here I go. [''sigh'']

[''Chris turns off the engine and leaves his car. He approaches The Game Place, and the chime of the store's door alarm can be heard as he goes inside. "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray faintly plays in the background, while we get a good view of the inside of Chris's pocket.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, I'm here to see Michael.

'''Employee:''' Yeah, he's in the room back here.

[''We come upon Michael, who is fixing an RC car. His remarks are occasionally interrupted by whoever he is helping. Judging by the audio, Chris is standing relatively close to him, close enough to occasionally hear whoever Michael is speaking with.'']

 '''Michael:''' Well, I mean, you're, you, you'll just see that by running it. I mean, it was running okay the other day. But just, you know, adjust it one way or the other depending on temperature and everything else. But, you know, it just, it's not usually much. By changing fuel, it doesn't usually change... tuning that much. Mmkay... Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it'll be fine... Right, yeah, it'll be fine. [pause] Okay... Okay... Who made it?

[''The recorder seems to move away from the conversation, and a long silence follows. Various store noises occur in the background, including the bell from someone opening the front door.'']

 '''Michael:''' Okay. Alright. Sounds good. Mm-hm. Bye.

'''Chris:''' Hello, Michael. I see, uh... You've been, I see you're looking well. Haven't changed much since, for the past almost two years. And, yeah, it has been, uh, almost two years since... uh, what happened, uh, June- June 2008. But, uh, I came back hoping that, uh, we could put that behind us and...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' Come on. I mean, it has been almost two years, and it's just been on my mind for so long, just be...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, can't we just [[Chris and remorse|forgive]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|and forget]]?

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' C'mon, to have this...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...[[Stress|weight]] on my back...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' And I have really...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...missed coming here.

 '''Michael:''' No. No. You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I'm, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|I'm a better person...]]

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] C'mon, what? Come on, dude...

 '''Michael:''' No! You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [[Twin Falling Towers|How can you be so heartless?]] I mean, you're, I mean, you're obviously not as mean as one of those [[trolls]] I've been dealing with...

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I mean, come on, I mean, obviously you have something against me, [''four beeping noises are heard, possibly Michael dialing out to 911''] because aside from the Wii incident, I just would like to know ''what''. Come on. Gimme a break. Alright, fine, I'll leave.

[''His tone becomes sharp and angry.'']

'''Chris:''' But I hope that [[Chris and Religion|God will forgive you]] for being so [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|heartless and cruel]], Michael Snyder!

 '''Michael:''' He probably will.

'''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|[[Chris and Race|''JEW!'']]}}

[''Chris goes out the door, tape runs out.'']

==Aftermath==
During the confrontation, Michael called the [[jerkops|police]]. However, Chris was long gone by the time they arrived.

On the linked YouTube page the opposite party, Snyder, chimed in to inform everyone that, while he had attempted to press charges against Chris for trespassing, the police informed him that he had no recourse to pursue legal action for Chris's trespassing or attempts to incite harassment. It all seems for naught anyway, as Snyder mentioned that, not only did he not receive any harassing messages, but he actually got messages of congratulations and encouragement for putting Chris in his place.

{{quotebox|I have been told I have no recourse for any of his actions, and his encouraging people to harass me. Turnabout is fair play?? }}
{{quotebox|I want to thank all my fans for their calls supporting me, and feel he needs to stay home and get your calls. His phone number in the book is 434-990-0198. Happy dialing,
Mike 
Elvis has left the building }}

===A video with video===
The next day, [[Vivian Gee]] made a ''[[South Park]]''-style animation using the audio from this clip. Chris himself stopped by to make it clear that he completely missed the point of the video:

{{quotebox|Hey, Vivian. I'm going to tell you right now that if you were trying to offend me with this "South Park" [[Parody]]; You Failed. This is just SOO FUNNY! You ought to know I like "South Park", especially the less dramatic, more comical episodes. ROFL}}

{{quotebox|Actually, there is ONE more thing you could to just make this a TOPPER of a Comical Scene; I gave him the finger as I left for real, so add a [[Wild Sonichu|Sit-And-Spin]] in the silence right before the final insult. ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = episode 200 - the game place
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7un_dBl2q2M}}
| stardate = 13 [[April 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

Sometime after, YouTube user Lolwutburger made another South Park-style animation using the same audio, but adding Chris's statement of giving Mike the finger.

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = South Park: The GAMe PLACe feat. Chris Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|BjjIkVEQ9mU}}
| stardate = 15 [[November 2015]]
| maker = [[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoGyB0X46kL5Sk4pM9BquVA Lolwutburger]]
| subject =
| type = Flash Animation
| info = }}

==See also==
* [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?gmqwe4kmgzm MP3 download]</s> dead

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[F Abstinance]]|nextlink=[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]|}}

{{Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2010| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

War Paint Video

2015-12-08T09:00:55Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

[[Image:Megatron pistol.jpg|thumb|A traditional [[Megatron pistol|weapon]] of the [[Cherokian Clan]]]]

The '''War Paint Video''' (officially titled '''10142009''', not be confused with [[Challenge for Clyde II|another video with same title and posted the same day]]) is a video in which [[Chris]] delivers some sort of poem to the [[trolls]] while wearing "Amerindian" face paint. He then proclaims his proud [[Cherokee]] heritage while at the same time showing a complete [[honor roll|lack of knowledge]] about anything to do with Native American culture by [[Chris and race|repeating tired old Native American stereotypes]].

Also, if one looks close enough, the outline of Chris's [[muscle bra]] is visible through his shirt. There is also a set of [[Plush Breasts]] in the lower left corner of the frame (they are more easily seen in the later [[Brutal Legend]] video).

In July 10, 2015, This video was shown on the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBC7EMkQzzI Drunken Peasants Podcast].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = War Paint Video
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5FdX45r9sYQ}}
| stardate = 14 [[October 2009]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Challenge for Clyde II]]
| next = [[15 October 2009]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''drops [[PS3]] controller; it thunks twice''] Calling all trolls! Calling all trolls! You are at--we are at war! This is war! I will not stand idly by while you [[Chris and English|take heed]] and mock and [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] [[Gal-pals|my friends]] and [[Borb|my family]]. For [[Chris and reality|you have dishonored me]], and I will not stand for it! As I stand upon my native Cherokee heritage, I will-[[Death threats|I will hunt you down you damn dirty trolls!]] This is war. '''AIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAIYAI'''-'''''YAAAAAOIIII!!!'''''

[''produces the [[Megatron pistol]] seen in [[CWC is Angry]]''] [[Chris and English|Put down your wares and bring yourselves unto me]]. I will hun--or I will hunt you down and really smite thee! You have been warned with the Cherokee ancestry.

[[Wikipedia:How (greeting)|How]].

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = How Could You, Chris?
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hiiMeui27Qg}}
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/OhhhMyAxels OhhhMyAxels]
| stardate = 15 [[October 2009]]
}}

==See also==
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[ECV 00001]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Challenge for Clyde II]]|nextlink=[[15 October 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-14]]

A CWC Audition

2015-12-08T09:00:06Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

"'''A CWC Audition'''" is a video by [[Chris]], published by [[Clyde Cash]] on 16 [[April 2009]]. It shows him doing an audition for a film in which he believes he will be starring, thanks to trolls posing as [[Vanessa Hudgens]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = A CWC Audition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iko3d3NT1kM}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}, {{Rage|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Bunny Hop]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids]]
}}

{{quote|No acting is required, because I mean this so much from my heart. }}

=== Transcript ===

[''Drops controller''] Oh yes, ok....To, eh, for Vanessa Hudgens' eyes only, this is an audition of, uh, some romance and [[Chris and anger|anger]], and a lil' bit of a singalong.

[''Starts singing'']

Ooooh, it's a jolly holiday with [[Ivy]], Ivy makes your heart so light.

[''Reaches down to pick up a sheet of paper'']

When the sky's gray and ordinary, Ivy makes the sun shine.

[''Jumpcut'']

Ooooh, happiness is squirreling all around her, a daffodil is smiling at the dawn.

When Ivy holds my hand, I feel so grand, my heart starts beating like a big brass band.

[''Grabs his shirt and starts pulling it back and forth to imitate a heartbeat, whilst making onomatopoeic heartbeat noises in unison'']

It's a jolly holiday with Ivy, the wonder that is Ivy that I love.

[''Finishes singing. Reaches down to grab another piece of paper with a drawing of Ivy on it'']

Mmmmh, my sweetest Ivy, I like a ode to you from my heart.

"You are the sweetest Ivy, with you for you, covered the arboretum with such tender and such grace. You're surrounded by glorious fourly-clovered and shamrocks and strawberries, and all sorts of variety of delicious fruits amongst your vines. And yet the garden that you, that, that lies within the arboretum is majestic under the sunlight, but it's even more beautiful, is you, cause you are my sweetest Ivy. I love you. I love you Ivy. I'll never give you up because you mean so much to me. I love you Ivy."

[''Hugs and kisses an Ivy drawing while moaning'']

I say good morning to you every day, and I say good night to you every night, and I love talking to you about your day and mine. And about yourself and I tell you about myself so much, we can find in each other so well.

You mean so much to me Ivy, cause you have performed a mirac-, you have performed a miracle that only my s-, truliest [[sweetheart]] could ever perform. You've fixed my [[biological clock|biological clawck]].

[''High Pitched Baby Voice''] I bee sleepeee!, during the 9:00 hour, or 10:00...[''fake yawning''] mhhh, and I get up fresh as a daisy during the 6:30 am in the morning.

I love you Ivy. I'd fight for you, I'd fight for you if need be. [''Clenches fist and tone of voice changes''] Scoundrelous [[Clyde Cash]], you dare try to get in the mid of my path, of my path, in my internet life, even in my real life, you will NEVER steal Ivy away from me, cause not only will I protect her, but God n' Jesus will too.

[''Chris starts fighting against imaginary Clyde Cash'']

GET BEHIND ME, IVY! I'll protect you from that murderous scoundrel!

Clyde Cash....

[''Draws an imaginary sword from a sheathe, in a dramatic stylized manner, similar to what you would see in an anime]'']

SHWOON!

Take this!

[''Swings imaginary sword while making silly onomatopoeic noises'']

Pfff! Pingg! Pishh!

[''Loses pretend sword and falls back to fists'']

Come on, you want some of this?! you want some of this, Clyde?!

[''Lands a devastating right hook on imaginary Clyde'']

Poomf!

[''Tired out by that last punch, Chris throws a slightly half-assed left hook, and then an even more half-assed uppercut'']

Poong! Poof!

Come on Clyde.

[''Performs a fatigued, poorly-balanced roundhouse kick, and nearly falls over before ungracefully spinning a full 360 degrees'']

Kiah!

[''Whilst dizzily attempting to rebalance from the last kick, Chris cheap-shots imaginary Clyde with another kick'']

Pwoon!

[''Pauses and lets his guard down to regain his balance. In a real fight, Chris would have had his ass kicked by this point'']

Come on, come on Clyde!

[''Mimes being punched in the face by Clyde. Recovers completely unfazed.'']

Pingg! Pishh! Oh, is that all you've got?! IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?!'''

[''Chris throws several meek, fatigued punches, then suddenly regains enough energy to bend his back forward and perform a very retarded looking chain-punch attack, in which his fists seem to barely travel a few inches with each strike'']

HNGHNGHNGHNGHNG!!

[''Finishes off the chain-punch with an uppercut'']

BOOM!!

[''Imaginary victory for Chris'']

You murderous Clyde Cash, I swear I will protect Ivy with MY LIFE, 'cause she means the world to me, and [[GodJesus|God n' Jesus]] knows it. No acting is required because, I mean this so much from my heart.

Fairest, Ivy, sweetest Ivy, stay by my side. I will love you and you will ALWAYS love me, for we have declared our love for each other so, much, so often, and I'll make sure to tell you I love you every day, and I will kiss you passionately, kiss you from, I'll kiss you from my heart. Every time my kisses come t-, go to you, they'll be from my heart.

I love you Ivy, I always will.

[''Imaginary make-out, interrupted by imaginary Clyde Cash'']

Clyde...leave us alone....LEAVE US ALONE YOU [[Death threats|MURDEROUS FIEND]]!

[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|'''SHIN-YE-HAME-HAAA!!!!!''']]

Stay down....Stay down, and rot for the rest of your life. For you are destined for an underworld, for an underworld fate, for you have tortured not only my soul, but so many other souls, which upon, they're also known as the internet bullies and [[trolls]]. Begone, fiend!

Are you OK, Ivy? Good....Let's us depart to go home, where we'll make sweet passionate love, because we sure love each other, and our love is based so much on that, based so much on that. I love you Ivy, let's go.

Didn't have to remember this from my head? I came, made up as I went.

There you go that's my, that's basically good enough audition I hope, soo...thank you, I'll see you soon Vanessa.

Peace and love.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan defeats the internet bullies once and for all!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mWa9Yw3T0HU}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2009]]
| maker = Kitchinsink3
| subject = | type = Video game remix
}}

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dragon Ball Chris Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TJtmz5sGkv0}}
| stardate = 28 [[April 2009]]
| maker = RandomVideoDump
| subject = | type = Music video
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Punch Out
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8dgAbYT5nFE}}
| stardate = 21 [[May 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/cwcfanb0y2 cwcfanb0y2]
| subject = | type = Video game remix
}}

==See also==
*[[Challenge for Clyde]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Bunny Hop]]|nextlink=[[April 16 Fetish Vids]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:CWC Audition}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Vanessa Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]

CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation

2015-12-08T08:55:59Z

Caravaggio:

The '''CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation''' is a set of videos that [[Chris]] released in hopes of selling the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] franchise to investors. Note that "Personal Sonichu Presentation" can be shortened to [[PSP]].

Chris imagines that he is speaking directly to "businesspeople" who might back the commercial development of [[Sonichu]]. In the first video, he delivers a brief history of his character's creation, and also displays a few Sonichu-related objects in addition to his comics and his famous medallion, including crude clay sculptures of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] and a "[[Sonic]] versus Sonichu" racing board game. He concludes by claiming that he plans to complete between 50 and 100 ''Sonichu''' comics in his lifetime (if Chris keeps up his pace as of late [[2009]], he will have reached the minimum goal in 2029, when he'd be 47–48 years old, living alone and still a perverted virgin man-child, [[Chris and Health|if he's lucky enough to still be living]]).

The second video is substantially less coherent. Chris loses the plot as far as attempting to sell his character and settles down to [[Ego|narcissistic wallowing in his supposed personal achievements and his fantasies of a vast international ''Sonichu'' fandom.]] He spends several minutes showing off fan [[art]] submitted by [[trolls]], all of which is unsurprisingly far better than anything Chris himself could ever dream of drawing. He also seems to have revived his old dreams of a [[Pokémon]] video game or trading card expansion starring [[Sonichu]], which suggests he has forgotten the conclusion of the [[Miyamoto Saga]] or managed to actively push those events out of his mind.

Perhaps his most impressively deluded fantasy involves the prospect of a Sonichu animated series. He believes that [[Sony]] would be interested in developing the show, that the [[Adult Swim|Cartoon Network]] would be interested in broadcasting the show, and that he would direct and star as the voice of himself and Sonichu. (He briefly shows off his "Sonichu voice," an almost indistinguishably higher-pitched version of his normal voice.) While Cartoon Network has not opted to make a Sonichu animated series, they are the American broadcasters of ''[[Sonic Boom]]''. But we digress.

As usual, Chris displays a shocking lack of awareness concerning the nonexistent commercial viability of his character. He also, once again, fails to realize that giving out your home address, home and phone number and other key bits of personal information in a video that's publicly available on [[YouTube]] is not such a hot idea.

In addition to uploading the videos to YouTube, Chris also made a page for these presentations on the [[CWCipedia]]. He also attempted to upload the follow-up PowerPoint presentation videos, but failed, possibly because either the video files were corrupt or he actually thought .ppt files were video files compatible with YouTube.

This video marks the last video appearance of Chris's "Classic" shirt, which has since been destroyed in the [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27_House|2014 house fire.]] Also, take note of how Chris says the word "anyway" a grand total of 22 times.

Animator [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Harry Partridge]] has called this his favorite Chris-chan video.<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|H_4WU1cySFE}}
| stardate = 23 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[14 November 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation#Part 2|CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 2]]
}}
{{quote|Very famous. Very, very famous.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''The song ''Sonic Boom'' is playing on the PS3 behind Chris, at times loud enough to make Chris hard to understand.''] Mmm. HELLO, w—hello there muh-business people! Welcome to world of [[CWCville]], Virginia, [''Chris fidgets with his [[Medallion of Fail]]''] and the world of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. My name is [[Christian Weston Chandler]] of [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], [[14 Branchland Court]], ZIP code 22968. And, uh, my home phone number is (434) 990-0198, my cell phone being 760-0848.

Anyway, I am here today to talk to you about d—revolutionary geh—leviloutionary lil' character that WILL [''jump cut''] pah, uh—will make a lot of [[money]], because he's already been innernet-famous fer about 20—fer almost 10 years now. [''pulls out a [[Scrapbook of Fail|Sonichu binder]] and holds it up to the camera''] His name is Sonichu. The l'il, real Electric Hedgehog [[Pokémon]] right here. [''points to Sonichu on cover of [[Sonichu 0|Issue 0]], then starts to put away the binder''] You'll find out more about him. You can learn more about him and read [''holds the binder back up to the camera''] the comic books—comic book pages I've written—I've drawn and written so far [''puts the binder away this time''] on [[CWCipedia]], which, uh, the address to that would be next to this [[YouTube]] video in da details.

Anyway, we are here t—t—anyway yeah. His or—his origin is basically... yeah, first off, uh, we have to c—look at the—my big BOOK here. [''pulls out a different, giant binder''] Look how big that book is. [[Pickle|So thick]], I had to get ANOTHER BOOK. [''hefts a second equally huge binder''] Heh. [''sets second binder down'']

Anyway, [''sets giant binder down and opens it''] it all s—[''video skips''] Anyway, uh... upon the cre—uh, upon the physical—upon the mental creation of Sonichu, it originally came to me, because, for one—for a computer graphics class back in high school, I had to create a CD cover for... [''wipes his forehead with his sleeve''] a CD that's, uh, was not to be sold anywhere, but, anyway. Made for fun, but—so, I drew up a...—a—this—this CD cover right here [''holds up a binder page showing [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]''] and this—this—this was Sonichu's first a—forst official appearance. Front and back on the ins—on the insert. If, anyway, uh, basically, [''video skips''] the—uh, the idea came to me, like, you know, yeah, I wanted to use Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu on the cover of my CD, but they're both copyrighted characters, and previously-copyrighted characters were not allowed. So, uh, after lunch, uh, during that same day, in da [[Manchester High School]] with my teacher Miss Naelie Chalifoux, thank'a very much, I have...—it just dawned upon me, with, uh, merging together, in combination of the two, and then Sonichu was born.

Now that and then [[homos|in da but]] storywise, he was born—he—he was born amidst the, uh, s—sitcha—situation in [[Station Square]] whereas portray—previous portrayed in the ''Sonic Adventure'' game, available on Dreamcast and Nintendo GameCube. Ay—yeah, but during the battle, the Chaos Monster, Super Sonic, ran into a spystanding Pikachu and, uh, transformed in—into Sonichu... as that was also—as the origins also described in the ''Number Zero'' book on the—on the CWCipedia.

[''reaches for glasses, then reconsiders and wipes his forehead with his arm'']

Now, the, uhh...—now, Sonichu's appeal—Sonichu and Rosechu's appeal: yeah, mainly, the, uhh, appeal was... t—aimed towards children... and, uhh, there was the start of the books, there. We got little toys here, I put togetter. Even a—even a board game, where we put the boards... right here. Sonic vs. Sonichu, a little racing-type game, but it's a l'il—it's a little bit Monopoly-style, with game ca—with, uhh, cards that you pick up... uhn, and shortcuts. Anyway, that is, uhh, part of the, uhh, merchandising thing that I plan on branching out with... in the world of Sonichu, eventually. As, uhh, p—as portrayed—as previously-mentioned in a YouTube video, I have the official registration copyright of Sonichu... and Rosechu and the C-uh-CWCville, in my—in my own name, and that—and that is also accessible on the CWCipedia: the scan of that... actual piece of paper that came from the Virginia Library of Congress.

[''opens binder and sighs'']

Anyway, yeah, I got a ''whole'' bunch of history here. All my history. It comes, like, you know, from creation... with, uhh...—to making, uhh, to a whole bunch of stories, and whatnot...—and even, uhh, made a title(?)... for it in my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], which was, uhh—which I believe I told Nintendo of America about... in a previous letter or two. Anyway, yeah, it was—it was very—it was very lucrative, and... we do plan on branching out even on DVD, of, like, on my live DVD that's called [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC... Christian Weston Chandler... That's Me. Yep, I'm on TV!'']] Uhh, C-''Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on TV!'' That's the name of the DVD. So, if it comes out on DVD, [[Chris and reality|I hope to get it on... Blu-ray, as well]]. And, also, I've created the, uhh—a couple of Sonich—a, uhh, level S—for Sonichu, on ''[[Little Big Planet]]'', Sony—on Sony [[PlayStation 3]]... which, uhh, is called "Sonichu Episode 0". You can look it up; my [[PSN]] ID is ''Sonichu'': S-o-n-i-c-h-u. ...Anyway, e—e—following this, uhh, video... there will be a... video where, uhh... it will be presented live from my PC: a PowerPoint presentation that can better describe... the situation. Anyway, with the count of books, I plan—I plan on drawing, at least, in my lifetime, hopefully, between fifty to a hundred books.

==Part 2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|aqTFCbSLUwk}}
| stardate = 23 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation#Video|CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu Powerpoint]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''Picking up where the first video left off.'']

By which, uh, definitely more will be a re—a ra—around Sonichu, after I, which I have dubbed myself the [[CWCville|Mayor of CWCville]], in this glorious shopping, this glorious two-story [[CWCville Shopping Center|shopping mall]], ah, that is glorious. I actually have, uh, plans that I have, uh, made in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]], which I will present through this video, near the end of it—near the end of this video.

[''He begins flipping through a thick three-ring binder.'']

Anyway, yeah, got a whooole bunch of stuff here. Yeah, we can definitely franchise 'n' all this, you know. Even ideas of a ''Pokémon: Lightning Version'', where players can catch Sonichu and Rosechu in the wild, even breeding them to make the other individual Electric Hedgehog characters that are—have been portrayed in the book, such as Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, and Magi-Chan, among others that have also been created as well, due—due—due to, you know, processes of the evolution stones, and daytime/nighttime evolutions, friendship, all that good stuff. All in the—the files here, including their little baby forms Sonee and Rosey, to evolutions from original Sonichu and Rosechu....

[''He displays the Sonichu and Rosechu figures again.'']

...[[Metonic]] and [[Vamprosa]]. Those characters are also featured on the [[CWCipedia]]. At least on Sonichu's page; I'm planning on making a page for Rosechu herself on that note. But, anyway, This—this—this Sonichu franchise, it has a biiig number of fans. I even have a number of fan submissions. Like, this here is a draw—is a piece of fan art that came from a girl I knew in Australia.
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|right|[[PandaHalo]]'s fanart, which serves as the cover of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].]]
[''He holds up the picture, presumably from [[PandaHalo]], to the camera.'']

And that's a postcard sent from her, right there. She, uh, also, uh, created a Sonichu and Rosechu that's featured in the ''Number Nine'' book I'm currently drawing. They go by the name of [[Chloe]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu|Blazebob]].

[''Chris turns around the file revealing another piece of art.'']

Anyway, also, on the flip side of this page is from somebody else. It's possibly the best Sonichu fan art ever. Look at that. That's gonna be the cover of the, uh, the first book that's just based on Sonichu, which'll definitely be after ''Number Ten''...

[''He turns around the picture to display Panda's image.'']

...which this one will be the cover of.

[''He looks at the other image again.'']

Hm. This one came from, uh, "Zorah Q. Zowild," that's his YouTube name. Yeah, also, you know, I've received fan art in the snail mail, those are printed off the internet. Like this lovely one.
[[Image:AllisonSonichuRosechu.jpg|thumb|"And from that, you know, that's, you know, she could have done a little better like, you know, like Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her"]]
[''He holds up a drawing of Sonichu and Rosechu in formal wear.'']

That came from, uh, that came from a lovely woman named Allie, in Sun Valley, California. Thank you. Thank you very much. And from that, you know, that's, you know, she could have done a little better like, you know, like Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her. But, still, drew my own version of it.

[''He holds up a crude imitation of the previous drawing.'']
[[Image:CWCsEloquateSonichuandRosechu.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's "superior" version of Allie's drawing.]]
Heh, heh. Isn't that fun? Oh, of course, local art, in Charlottesville, an art—an artist did a caricature of me.

[''He turns around the file to display the caricature.'']

I included that in the ''Number Nine'' book on a billboard.

[''He holds up one more piece of art.'']

Here's another fun piece of fan art. It comes from, uh... B.C. Uh, okay, I can't, uh, Vancouver, B.C. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. [[Chris and reality|Very famous. Very, very famous.]] Yep. Uh, this one's just a fan letter from a... from a [[BlueSpike|Julie in Ohio]].

[''He holds up an image, but the high contrast of his video renders it impossible to make out.'']

Here's a little piece of fan art from a, uh, from someone who's possibly, uh, Japanese. Who lives in [[Virginia]]. And also, recently, this guy here, uh, Jason Darling...thank you very much; I got your package.

[''He holds up a folder of photographs.'']

He made a replica of my [[medallion]], which in them, which, you know, this one here is the original that I made myself from my own hands, from Crayola Model Magic and acrylic paints. In the comic books this allows me to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu. Which, that is described in the comic book pages as reposed in the CWCipedia. Also sent me a pack of Maple Story cards, so again, thank you Jason. I appreciate your encouragement, as well as everybody else's. Anyway, uh... hmm... yeah, I picked up a—also received a fan CD from a—from a, uhh... BK Jones in Texas. Oh, here's anutter—here's anutter fun one that's recent. Look at this envelope. Isn't that... cute? That's fun. And then they did a computer art... over there. This came all the way from... Portland... Oregon, I believe it is. And, uhh, I got various other... fan letters in—in this page. Uhh, I'd pull 'em out, but, you know, they're in—I just left them in their envelopes. Nope, fan art dere.

But, anyway, also, aside from that, uhh... I have definitely—I have definitely made a set of trading—'kay, this is my [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon trading cards]]... which I, uhh, used—which I keep at home for art's sake. A whole heck—got, like—whole—a ''whole lot'' of them here. This could definitely branch out... And a very ''profitable'' thing, both for between Nintendo and Sega, and also with Son—also possibly with Sony, with, uhh—you know, with the a—also with, uhh, the anime show that maybe—maybe Cartoon Network and their people could help me out on... eh, when tha—when that TV show gets run. Where I'll voic—where I will be happy to—where I will be the ''director'', and I will be voicing myself as Sonichu. Listen to the difference: okay, this is me, Christian Weston Chandler, and this will be Sonichu: [''clearly taking after [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEIpeZFUnJE George] by not changing his voice whatsoever''] Hey, Rosechu! Let's go out and zap to the extreme! We got some bad guys to defeat! Come on, let's go! Yeah!

[''quietly musing over his own amazing degree of fail''] Hmm... odd, but... [''recovered from the shock, back at normal volume''] anyway, uhh, running low on time. Uhh, just a couple of, uhh, other things of interest: uhh, Sonichu was also previously featured in May, 2004, in this issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine, in "The Crossing Quarterly"... with a, uhh, submission from my ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game—for Nintendo GameCube, currently also available in—in other titles on DS and Nintendo Wii. And, also, uhh—and, shortly after that, it was featured... in a newsletter at the Piedmont Virgi—at the local [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]... among, uhh, other... published things. Also, uhh, when the, uhh, Sonic website was owiginawwy—was just CWCSonichu site, I had my own [[Sonichu's News Dash|News Dash newsletters]]. That lasted a short while... Hmm. Actually, uh, yeah, but any—yeah, but, anyway, everybody knows on the CWCipedia, so....

[''sigh'']

Anyway, here: I'll show you the, uhh, just the, uhh, whole layout of the CWCville Shopping Center. I actually have all these... printouts from... my... [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and cla—cla—Computer-Aided Drafting and Design classes]], but this is the last one, right before I graduated from Piedmont Virginia College. hen my degree and certificate in Commu—Computer-Aided Drafting and Design. It's very—it's very good. I mean, I would just imagine this in real life. It would even have a Pokémon Center in there, like the one in New York used to have, before it turned into a Nintendo World, USA. It shoulda stayed a ''Pokémon Center''! Now, that was definitely better appeal than just... Nintend—than just Nintendo, even though, yes, Nintendo... has the rights and everything, but... it was ''the Pokémon Center''! I mean... le—if the CWC—if the CWCville Shopping Center does get built... let's agree to put a Pokémon Center in it. And it has a Mayor's Office... right here, above the... front of—up above the main front entrance of the building... which is as portrayed in the comic book series. Aaand a whole buncha... other stuff I have, uh, here. It's just side-...stuff from... my... life, and whatever.

Anyway, uhh... uhh, pretty much, uhh, take care of it for, uhh, this par—for this portion of the, uhh, video, [''removes glasses''] so the next video to follow this one will be the... [''taps table''] PowerPoint presentation, so I will be reading audioly—I will be reading from that and pointing the camera toward the PC, [''quietly and unconfidently''] thank you. [''gives a half-assed Cub Scout salute'']

So... to Nintendo and Sega and Sony and all the other companies interested in... franchising with me here: [''gives another half-assed Cub Scout salute''] I await your call to my home phone... number or my cell phone.

Thank you very much, and have a [''gives ANOTHER half-assed [[Chris's mannerisms|Cub Scout salute]]''] ''pleasant day''!
{{References}}
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Presentations}}
{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[14 November 2009]]|nextlink=[[Sonichu Powerpoint]]|}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-23]]

CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation

2015-12-08T08:55:34Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

The '''CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation''' is a set of videos that [[Chris]] released in hopes of selling the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] franchise to investors. Note that "Personal Sonichu Presentation" can be shortened to [[PSP]].

Chris imagines that he is speaking directly to "businesspeople" who might back the commercial development of [[Sonichu]]. In the first video, he delivers a brief history of his character's creation, and also displays a few Sonichu-related objects in addition to his comics and his famous medallion, including crude clay sculptures of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] and a "[[Sonic]] versus Sonichu" racing board game. He concludes by claiming that he plans to complete between 50 and 100 ''Sonichu''' comics in his lifetime (if Chris keeps up his pace as of late [[2009]], he will have reached the minimum goal in 2029, when he'd be 47–48 years old, living alone and still a perverted virgin man-child, [[Chris and Health|if he's lucky enough to still be living]]).

The second video is substantially less coherent. Chris loses the plot as far as attempting to sell his character and settles down to [[Ego|narcissistic wallowing in his supposed personal achievements and his fantasies of a vast international ''Sonichu'' fandom.]] He spends several minutes showing off fan [[art]] submitted by [[trolls]], all of which is unsurprisingly far better than anything Chris himself could ever dream of drawing. He also seems to have revived his old dreams of a [[Pokémon]] video game or trading card expansion starring [[Sonichu]], which suggests he has forgotten the conclusion of the [[Miyamoto Saga]] or managed to actively push those events out of his mind.

Perhaps his most impressively deluded fantasy involves the prospect of a Sonichu animated series. He believes that [[Sony]] would be interested in developing the show, that the [[Adult Swim|Cartoon Network]] would be interested in broadcasting the show, and that he would direct and star as the voice of himself and Sonichu. (He briefly shows off his "Sonichu voice," an almost indistinguishably higher-pitched version of his normal voice.) While Cartoon Network has not opted to make a Sonichu animated series, they are the American broadcasters of ''[[Sonic Boom]]''. But we digress.

As usual, Chris displays a shocking lack of awareness concerning the nonexistent commercial viability of his character. He also, once again, fails to realize that giving out your home address, home and phone number and other key bits of personal information in a video that's publicly available on [[YouTube]] is not such a hot idea.

In addition to uploading the videos to YouTube, Chris also made a page for these presentations on the [[CWCipedia]]. He also attempted to upload the follow-up PowerPoint presentation videos, but failed, possibly because either the video files were corrupt or he actually thought .ppt files were video files compatible with YouTube.

This video marks the last video appearance of Chris's "Classic" shirt, which has since been destroyed in the [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27_House|2014 house fire.]] Also, take note of how Chris says the word "anyway" a grand total of 22 times.

Animator [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Harry Partridge]] has called this his favorite Chris-chan video.<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|H_4WU1cySFE}}
| stardate = 23 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[14 November 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation#Part 2|CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 2]]
}}
{{quote|Very famous. Very, very famous.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''The song ''Sonic Boom'' is playing on the PS3 behind Chris, at times loud enough to make Chris hard to understand.''] Mmm. HELLO, w—hello there muh-business people! Welcome to world of [[CWCville]], Virginia, [''Chris fidgets with his [[Medallion of Fail]]''] and the world of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. My name is [[Christian Weston Chandler]] of [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], [[14 Branchland Court]], ZIP code 22968. And, uh, my home phone number is (434) 990-0198, my cell phone being 760-0848.

Anyway, I am here today to talk to you about d—revolutionary geh—leviloutionary lil' character that WILL [''jump cut''] pah, uh—will make a lot of [[money]], because he's already been innernet-famous fer about 20—fer almost 10 years now. [''pulls out a [[Scrapbook of Fail|Sonichu binder]] and holds it up to the camera''] His name is Sonichu. The l'il, real Electric Hedgehog [[Pokémon]] right here. [''points to Sonichu on cover of [[Sonichu 0|Issue 0]], then starts to put away the binder''] You'll find out more about him. You can learn more about him and read [''holds the binder back up to the camera''] the comic books—comic book pages I've written—I've drawn and written so far [''puts the binder away this time''] on [[CWCipedia]], which, uh, the address to that would be next to this [[YouTube]] video in da details.

Anyway, we are here t—t—anyway yeah. His or—his origin is basically... yeah, first off, uh, we have to c—look at the—my big BOOK here. [''pulls out a different, giant binder''] Look how big that book is. [[Pickle|So thick]], I had to get ANOTHER BOOK. [''hefts a second equally huge binder''] Heh. [''sets second binder down'']

Anyway, [''sets giant binder down and opens it''] it all s—[''video skips''] Anyway, uh... upon the cre—uh, upon the physical—upon the mental creation of Sonichu, it originally came to me, because, for one—for a computer graphics class back in high school, I had to create a CD cover for... [''wipes his forehead with his sleeve''] a CD that's, uh, was not to be sold anywhere, but, anyway. Made for fun, but—so, I drew up a...—a—this—this CD cover right here [''holds up a binder page showing [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]''] and this—this—this was Sonichu's first a—forst official appearance. Front and back on the ins—on the insert. If, anyway, uh, basically, [''video skips''] the—uh, the idea came to me, like, you know, yeah, I wanted to use Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu on the cover of my CD, but they're both copyrighted characters, and previously-copyrighted characters were not allowed. So, uh, after lunch, uh, during that same day, in da [[Manchester High School]] with my teacher Miss Naelie Chalifoux, thank'a very much, I have...—it just dawned upon me, with, uh, merging together, in combination of the two, and then Sonichu was born.

Now that and then [[homos|in da but]] storywise, he was born—he—he was born amidst the, uh, s—sitcha—situation in [[Station Square]] whereas portray—previous portrayed in the ''Sonic Adventure'' game, available on Dreamcast and Nintendo GameCube. Ay—yeah, but during the battle, the Chaos Monster, Super Sonic, ran into a spystanding Pikachu and, uh, transformed in—into Sonichu... as that was also—as the origins also described in the ''Number Zero'' book on the—on the CWCipedia.

[''reaches for glasses, then reconsiders and wipes his forehead with his arm'']

Now, the, uhh...—now, Sonichu's appeal—Sonichu and Rosechu's appeal: yeah, mainly, the, uhh, appeal was... t—aimed towards children... and, uhh, there was the start of the books, there. We got little toys here, I put togetter. Even a—even a board game, where we put the boards... right here. Sonic vs. Sonichu, a little racing-type game, but it's a l'il—it's a little bit Monopoly-style, with game ca—with, uhh, cards that you pick up... uhn, and shortcuts. Anyway, that is, uhh, part of the, uhh, merchandising thing that I plan on branching out with... in the world of Sonichu, eventually. As, uhh, p—as portrayed—as previously-mentioned in a YouTube video, I have the official registration copyright of Sonichu... and Rosechu and the C-uh-CWCville, in my—in my own name, and that—and that is also accessible on the CWCipedia: the scan of that... actual piece of paper that came from the Virginia Library of Congress.

[''opens binder and sighs'']

Anyway, yeah, I got a ''whole'' bunch of history here. All my history. It comes, like, you know, from creation... with, uhh...—to making, uhh, to a whole bunch of stories, and whatnot...—and even, uhh, made a title(?)... for it in my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]], which was, uhh—which I believe I told Nintendo of America about... in a previous letter or two. Anyway, yeah, it was—it was very—it was very lucrative, and... we do plan on branching out even on DVD, of, like, on my live DVD that's called [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC... Christian Weston Chandler... That's Me. Yep, I'm on TV!'']] Uhh, C-''Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm on TV!'' That's the name of the DVD. So, if it comes out on DVD, [[Chris and reality|I hope to get it on... Blu-ray, as well]]. And, also, I've created the, uhh—a couple of Sonich—a, uhh, level S—for Sonichu, on ''[[Little Big Planet]]'', Sony—on Sony [[PlayStation 3]]... which, uhh, is called "Sonichu Episode 0". You can look it up; my [[PSN]] ID is ''Sonichu'': S-o-n-i-c-h-u. ...Anyway, e—e—following this, uhh, video... there will be a... video where, uhh... it will be presented live from my PC: a PowerPoint presentation that can better describe... the situation. Anyway, with the count of books, I plan—I plan on drawing, at least, in my lifetime, hopefully, between fifty to a hundred books.

==Part 2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R4ATvhScVms}}
| stardate = 23 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Fanart|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation#Video|CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu Powerpoint]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''Picking up where the first video left off.'']

By which, uh, definitely more will be a re—a ra—around Sonichu, after I, which I have dubbed myself the [[CWCville|Mayor of CWCville]], in this glorious shopping, this glorious two-story [[CWCville Shopping Center|shopping mall]], ah, that is glorious. I actually have, uh, plans that I have, uh, made in [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]], which I will present through this video, near the end of it—near the end of this video.

[''He begins flipping through a thick three-ring binder.'']

Anyway, yeah, got a whooole bunch of stuff here. Yeah, we can definitely franchise 'n' all this, you know. Even ideas of a ''Pokémon: Lightning Version'', where players can catch Sonichu and Rosechu in the wild, even breeding them to make the other individual Electric Hedgehog characters that are—have been portrayed in the book, such as Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, and Magi-Chan, among others that have also been created as well, due—due—due to, you know, processes of the evolution stones, and daytime/nighttime evolutions, friendship, all that good stuff. All in the—the files here, including their little baby forms Sonee and Rosey, to evolutions from original Sonichu and Rosechu....

[''He displays the Sonichu and Rosechu figures again.'']

...[[Metonic]] and [[Vamprosa]]. Those characters are also featured on the [[CWCipedia]]. At least on Sonichu's page; I'm planning on making a page for Rosechu herself on that note. But, anyway, This—this—this Sonichu franchise, it has a biiig number of fans. I even have a number of fan submissions. Like, this here is a draw—is a piece of fan art that came from a girl I knew in Australia.
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|right|[[PandaHalo]]'s fanart, which serves as the cover of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].]]
[''He holds up the picture, presumably from [[PandaHalo]], to the camera.'']

And that's a postcard sent from her, right there. She, uh, also, uh, created a Sonichu and Rosechu that's featured in the ''Number Nine'' book I'm currently drawing. They go by the name of [[Chloe]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu|Blazebob]].

[''Chris turns around the file revealing another piece of art.'']

Anyway, also, on the flip side of this page is from somebody else. It's possibly the best Sonichu fan art ever. Look at that. That's gonna be the cover of the, uh, the first book that's just based on Sonichu, which'll definitely be after ''Number Ten''...

[''He turns around the picture to display Panda's image.'']

...which this one will be the cover of.

[''He looks at the other image again.'']

Hm. This one came from, uh, "Zorah Q. Zowild," that's his YouTube name. Yeah, also, you know, I've received fan art in the snail mail, those are printed off the internet. Like this lovely one.
[[Image:AllisonSonichuRosechu.jpg|thumb|"And from that, you know, that's, you know, she could have done a little better like, you know, like Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her"]]
[''He holds up a drawing of Sonichu and Rosechu in formal wear.'']

That came from, uh, that came from a lovely woman named Allie, in Sun Valley, California. Thank you. Thank you very much. And from that, you know, that's, you know, she could have done a little better like, you know, like Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her. But, still, drew my own version of it.

[''He holds up a crude imitation of the previous drawing.'']
[[Image:CWCsEloquateSonichuandRosechu.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's "superior" version of Allie's drawing.]]
Heh, heh. Isn't that fun? Oh, of course, local art, in Charlottesville, an art—an artist did a caricature of me.

[''He turns around the file to display the caricature.'']

I included that in the ''Number Nine'' book on a billboard.

[''He holds up one more piece of art.'']

Here's another fun piece of fan art. It comes from, uh... B.C. Uh, okay, I can't, uh, Vancouver, B.C. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. [[Chris and reality|Very famous. Very, very famous.]] Yep. Uh, this one's just a fan letter from a... from a [[BlueSpike|Julie in Ohio]].

[''He holds up an image, but the high contrast of his video renders it impossible to make out.'']

Here's a little piece of fan art from a, uh, from someone who's possibly, uh, Japanese. Who lives in [[Virginia]]. And also, recently, this guy here, uh, Jason Darling...thank you very much; I got your package.

[''He holds up a folder of photographs.'']

He made a replica of my [[medallion]], which in them, which, you know, this one here is the original that I made myself from my own hands, from Crayola Model Magic and acrylic paints. In the comic books this allows me to transform into Chris-chan Sonichu. Which, that is described in the comic book pages as reposed in the CWCipedia. Also sent me a pack of Maple Story cards, so again, thank you Jason. I appreciate your encouragement, as well as everybody else's. Anyway, uh... hmm... yeah, I picked up a—also received a fan CD from a—from a, uhh... BK Jones in Texas. Oh, here's anutter—here's anutter fun one that's recent. Look at this envelope. Isn't that... cute? That's fun. And then they did a computer art... over there. This came all the way from... Portland... Oregon, I believe it is. And, uhh, I got various other... fan letters in—in this page. Uhh, I'd pull 'em out, but, you know, they're in—I just left them in their envelopes. Nope, fan art dere.

But, anyway, also, aside from that, uhh... I have definitely—I have definitely made a set of trading—'kay, this is my [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon trading cards]]... which I, uhh, used—which I keep at home for art's sake. A whole heck—got, like—whole—a ''whole lot'' of them here. This could definitely branch out... And a very ''profitable'' thing, both for between Nintendo and Sega, and also with Son—also possibly with Sony, with, uhh—you know, with the a—also with, uhh, the anime show that maybe—maybe Cartoon Network and their people could help me out on... eh, when tha—when that TV show gets run. Where I'll voic—where I will be happy to—where I will be the ''director'', and I will be voicing myself as Sonichu. Listen to the difference: okay, this is me, Christian Weston Chandler, and this will be Sonichu: [''clearly taking after [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEIpeZFUnJE George] by not changing his voice whatsoever''] Hey, Rosechu! Let's go out and zap to the extreme! We got some bad guys to defeat! Come on, let's go! Yeah!

[''quietly musing over his own amazing degree of fail''] Hmm... odd, but... [''recovered from the shock, back at normal volume''] anyway, uhh, running low on time. Uhh, just a couple of, uhh, other things of interest: uhh, Sonichu was also previously featured in May, 2004, in this issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine, in "The Crossing Quarterly"... with a, uhh, submission from my ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game—for Nintendo GameCube, currently also available in—in other titles on DS and Nintendo Wii. And, also, uhh—and, shortly after that, it was featured... in a newsletter at the Piedmont Virgi—at the local [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]... among, uhh, other... published things. Also, uhh, when the, uhh, Sonic website was owiginawwy—was just CWCSonichu site, I had my own [[Sonichu's News Dash|News Dash newsletters]]. That lasted a short while... Hmm. Actually, uh, yeah, but any—yeah, but, anyway, everybody knows on the CWCipedia, so....

[''sigh'']

Anyway, here: I'll show you the, uhh, just the, uhh, whole layout of the CWCville Shopping Center. I actually have all these... printouts from... my... [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and cla—cla—Computer-Aided Drafting and Design classes]], but this is the last one, right before I graduated from Piedmont Virginia College. hen my degree and certificate in Commu—Computer-Aided Drafting and Design. It's very—it's very good. I mean, I would just imagine this in real life. It would even have a Pokémon Center in there, like the one in New York used to have, before it turned into a Nintendo World, USA. It shoulda stayed a ''Pokémon Center''! Now, that was definitely better appeal than just... Nintend—than just Nintendo, even though, yes, Nintendo... has the rights and everything, but... it was ''the Pokémon Center''! I mean... le—if the CWC—if the CWCville Shopping Center does get built... let's agree to put a Pokémon Center in it. And it has a Mayor's Office... right here, above the... front of—up above the main front entrance of the building... which is as portrayed in the comic book series. Aaand a whole buncha... other stuff I have, uh, here. It's just side-...stuff from... my... life, and whatever.

Anyway, uhh... uhh, pretty much, uhh, take care of it for, uhh, this par—for this portion of the, uhh, video, [''removes glasses''] so the next video to follow this one will be the... [''taps table''] PowerPoint presentation, so I will be reading audioly—I will be reading from that and pointing the camera toward the PC, [''quietly and unconfidently''] thank you. [''gives a half-assed Cub Scout salute'']

So... to Nintendo and Sega and Sony and all the other companies interested in... franchising with me here: [''gives another half-assed Cub Scout salute''] I await your call to my home phone... number or my cell phone.

Thank you very much, and have a [''gives ANOTHER half-assed [[Chris's mannerisms|Cub Scout salute]]''] ''pleasant day''!
{{References}}
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Presentations}}
{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[14 November 2009]]|nextlink=[[Sonichu Powerpoint]]|}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-23]]

Calling Out "Tito" - Don

2015-12-08T08:54:20Z

Caravaggio: Added a new link to the video

'''Calling Out "Tito" - Don''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 6 [[August 2011]]. It is the first video of Chris' [[Calling Out]] series, and his first video since [[100_2357.MOV]] from [[November 2010]]. In this video, also known as '''101 2461''', Chris announces his return to the [[Internet]]. He claims to have information regarding the true identity of various [[trolls]], including [[Surfshack Tito]] (aka "Don"). After briefly showing viewers a fragment of a photograph of what he claims is the real Tito, Chris lists his demands to prevent the release of the full photo and, presumably, other revealing documents, and says [[The Wallflower]]'s real name.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Tito" - Don
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gDuIfwZbN3c}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, {{Website|[[Internet]]}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[100 2357.MOV]]
| next = [[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Easily trolled by annnyooooneee.jpg|thumb|"... They could be easily trolled back by aaanyone." Intimidated?]]
[''Looks at camera with an emotionless face, and then jerks the camera to his right'']

Attention, citizens of the internet. I am making a return. [[Chris and his Ego|Y'all should know me by now]], if in case if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] and the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|electric hedgehog Pokemon]]. Firstly, upon that note, I would like to inform everyone that it was originally meant to be a [[My Little Pony|TV-Y7 rated... friendship socializing, promoting type of series]]... it is not meant to be taken otherwise in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|any adulterous forms]].

[''Jerks camera around more'']

And with that, I will now continue with why I am making my return. I am ready to initiate [[Chris and negotiation|negotiations]] and paybacksss with the trolls, some cyberbullies that have been defiling me within the past five years... in the past four years. Firstly, I would like to make it well known that I have ''information'' of such trolls and cyberbullies if at that point if I release them, they could be easily trolled back by aaanyone. And, the first [[Chris and English|among chopping block]] I would like to ensue, [[Surfshack Tito|'''Surfshack Tito''']]... or should I day, Don in Michigan! And I'm not saying that he's a total [[Obesity|fat person]], but [[Random Access Humor|he would make the really big Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison]]. In fact, with his looks, he could be a [[Inos|Rasta]] Buddha! And I show you only a fragment of the [[speech impediment|pho-to-graph]]. [''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face--or a tilted shot of a man wearing a bowtie. We're not sure.'']

Now, DON. Let's talk business. If you do not want me to review- reveal the entire pho-to-graph, or any of the remainder of your information of which I have upon my possession, [[Chris and negotiation|YOU WILL FOLLOW MY DEMANDS]]! And they are listed as such....

I want you to come forward with- come forward with your participation in, uh, [[PlayStation Network]] hackings... directly to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment America and Sony Computer Entertainment Japan with a ''live video'', unaltered, ay, uh--slightly altered, you MAY blur your face. That is the only option that you get: Blurring your face. You will apologize to... Sony and [[Chris and English|mess up]] for hacking into the PlayStation Network at all, [[Chris and Reality|'cause I know you are responsible for that]].

And also, I would you to, in that- within that same video, or in a separate video, apologize directly to my [[Gal pal|ex-girlfriend]] [The Wallflower] and her family. You may even call them up on the telephone that you are the one among which responsibole for pretending to be me... and stopping that relationship between us, 'cause I would like to have peace between my... past friends, because I don't like there to be bad things or [[Megan|ill tidings]] between people. ''(Pauses)'' And I know it was partially my fault, too, on that, by the way, within that relationship breakup.

But anyway, moving on with my demands, I would like- also like you to set to-send me via U.S. Mail, ''ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH''. American. Unmarked billssss, snail-mailed to my home address, in a long, small white... envelope, with YOUR home address clearly, legibly, hand writ-ten on the envelope in the return area. Next, I want you to remove ''ALL'' of the -cre-''ALL'' of the pages on the website known as the [[CWCki]] that have originally came from you that you have started. Also, as well as all contributions you have to any other pages as well. And lastly, from this point, after you have done these things, I would like you, ''Don'' of ''Michigan'', to leave me, my life, my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my [[SonichuBabies|friends]] ''alone''. To be, for the rest of our lives, in peace.

I leave that up to you [[Speech Impediment|Surussshack Tito]]. Expect another video in the near fu- in the near future of another troll that I am well aware of. Thank you.

== Tito's official response ==
In a clear attempt to meet Chris's demands, Tito produced a video in which he explains what lengths he is prepared to go to in order to prevent Chris from releasing his personal information. This video was acknowledged by Chris the following day.

It is worth noting that the person in the video is not actually Tito in real life, but in fact a guy known on YouTube as "MrPregnant". "Tito"'s stomach is virtually the same as MrPregnant's in his "Big Belly Man" video.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miBQIjfIiLw Big Belly Man]</ref>.

==== Video ====
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tito's official response to Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|_w_O9GR828Y}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| maker = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
| subject = {{Website|Response to Chris's Demands}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
}}
{{quote|This is official, true, and honest.}}

===== Transcript =====
''(grabs stomach and jiggles it)'' Heh-heeeeeey, little cuz! Uh...or, uh...[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] ''(lets go)'' if you prefer. It's uh...it's me, uh, Tito! Or, uh, or Don, um...listen, man, I-I got some sand in the [[Navy|potato salad]] this time; you caught me, cuz. I-''(points at the camera and slims down his belly)'' I admit it. I sold the security files of [[Sony]] to the hackers and...and I'll, uh ''(does a little dance)'' I'll get you the money! I'll get you the thousand dollars, and the interest! ''(grabs his belly for dear life)'' Just don't- just don't release that video, eh, with--with the picture of me, just don't do anymore, man! I'll, uh, I'll do anything, I'll be your [[Niggos|slave]] for a whole week if I have to, I...''(dances again)'' I got people after me, I can't have them finding out who I am, just, just be a cuz, man, and-and-and- and don't let me down! I won't let ''you'' down.

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100_2357.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]}}
{{Calling Out}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-06 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]