CWCki - User contributions [en]

Autism Tutorial Part 1

2014-12-01T06:05:31Z

Catnip: /* Transcript */

'''Autism Tutorial Part 1''' is the first in a series of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' levels Chris uploaded on 13 February 2011. Chris once again reads off of [[Wikipedia]]'s [[autism]] article, this time adding his own two cents. Of note, Chris seems to be aware of the accepted cause of autism, and semi-correctly blames his [[Bob Chandler|father]] for it.

==Video==

<Center> {{#ev:youtube|B1mbTyKiqF8}}</Center>

===Transcript===

Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is [[Christian Weston Chandler]], alias [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]]. And I am [[autistic]] – high-functionally autistic. In this animation, with [[Wikipedia]] facts and book diagrams and in my own words and opinions, we will look into autism: What it is, possible causes, and treatments and cures. And how we autistics SHOOOULD be treated and respected [''voice deepens with gravelly rage''] ''in real life social situations.''
''[Subtitles: "An Autism Tutorial" A [[LittleBiGPlanet]] animation by , and Starring, and Voicing, as himself, [[Christian Weston Chandler]]" "of Ruckersville, VA. U.S.A.. PSN: Sonichu. Creation and Production Started on [[January 2011|January 21 2011]]. Facts on Autism provided by Wikipedia's Autism page at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism Diagrahm of brain and other facts comes from the hard-cover book" "Autism", by Peggy J. Parks, published in 2009.]''

First, autism: What is it? In a nutshell, it is a [[Chris|malfunctioning]] in the neural development that impairs [[Honest Content|social interactions]], [[Speech Impediment|communications]], and [[Sonichu|restrictive]] or [[CWC-isms|repetitive behaviors]]. In the brain, autism affects many parts. Autism especially affects the connection between the amygdala, the social and [[anger|emotional]] behavioral gland, and the cerebral cortex and maybe cerebellum, the [[reality|logic]] and [[love quest|goal-making]] parts.
''[Subtitles: Other facts and stories of other people with Autism can be researched from this and other books at your local Library, Educational Videos and online directly at www.autism.org, or through search engines.]''

The connectors between the matter is called the corpus callosum, which I believe is the most effective. In my theory, a cure may be found in repairing this major component of the brain. The facts also state that autism occurs pre-birth, sadly in mutated genetics within the chromosomes, which can happen when the pregnant mother [[Tobacky|smokes]], [[McDonald's|binges]], takes drugs or certain meds, and other non- or real environmental factors, such as car exhaust. ''Ladies, get off the [[Tobacky|drugs]] NOW.''

Another factor lies in the [[Bob Chandler|father’s]] age upon child conception. The [[Barb|mother’s]] age is not a factor here. DUDES, HAVE YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE LIKE FORTY OR FIFTY! Anyway, the mutated chromosomes can involve deletion, duplication, and/or swapping. Scientists are still researching if- [''abrupt jump-cut'']

Common symptoms of autism include, and should be observed to notice: Little-to-no eye contact, mal-communication with [[Speech impediment|delayed babbling]], [[Claw of Fail|unusual gestures]], low responsiveness – try calling their name. At that young age, they seldom respond if they have autism – as well as [[Speech impediment|unsynched atypical vocal patterns]]. They also would have [[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|lack of intuition of other people]], [[Chris and Reality|lack of attention to social stimuli]], and little-to-no [[fangs|smiling]]. [[Things Chris has ripped off|Imagination]] and imaginative play is often blank in autistic minds, but with training they may be able to think in pictures at least, like the famous [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_Grandin Miss Temple Grandin]. By the way, boys are more affected with autism than girls. That’s just the way it is.

Compulsive behavior, or a type of A.D.D. [[Jack Thaddeus|Attention Difi-Deficit Disorder]], is also common. In worse cases, [[28 October 2011|self-destructive behavior]] such as self-cutting, hurting others, and bullying possibly, may be apparent. Fortunate for me I do not go into self-destructiveness. I do not hurt myself, and [[Death Threats|I]] [[Megan|do]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|not]] [[Ryan Cash|hurt]] [[Clyde Cash|others]]. The worst for me is essentially biting my fingernails… sometimes. Feeling restricted is also common. Staying within their [[Chris's Room|comfort zones]] with [[lie|realistic]] behavior – oh, [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|ritualistic]] behavior, and such. And with repetition in play, we may as well be walking around in circles… [[Chris and English|for infinity time]]! And [[Chris|some]] of us actually do.

Parents and guardians should be very watchful and cautious of any autistic symptoms [''camera pans to a picture of Chris with appropriately meaningless labels''], as they can be obvious by the age of three years old. I myself spoke first at six weeks with the word “monkey”, in an attempt at saying ''“mommy”'' [''said in a very toddler-like inflection'']. My vocabulary and speech grew great until I stopped talking at one-and-a-half years old, and I did not speak again until I when was seven. The other infant symptoms followed in suit.

A controversy began when they blamed mercury in MMR vaccines. Though it was removed from all vaccines in early 2000, and yet the autism rate still grew over the decade.
''[Subtitles: The LBP 3D Layering glitch used throughout was found by Bakscratch and tools and [...] of the glitch was aided by TheAdipose, who also credits Compermc and Teebonesey.]]''

{{succession|label=[[Autism Tutorial|Autism Tutorial Videos]]|prevlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 1|First]]|nextlink=[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]|}}

[[Category:LittleBigPlanet]]

I Love You, Catherine

2014-10-06T03:47:18Z

Catnip:

"'''I Love You, Catherine'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]], by [[Chris]], on [[October 2014|October 4, 2014]]. The video contains an apology to a [[Gal-pal|girl]] named Catherine, who is presumably the [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|mystery sweetheart]] Chris had posted about on [[Facebook]] in previous months. It should be noted that Chris is seen wearing [[Tomgirl|a skirt and stockings]] throughout the entirety of the video, while also sporting his old [[Manchester High School|high school]] sweatshirt. A woman's headband can be seen in his ever-thinning [[Hair|hairline]] throughout the entirety of the video, as well. He is also shown to be at his lowest point since [[CWC is Sad]], speaking with a low monotone and at parts almost tearing up.

Note that the video has [[Chris and cinematography|the usual]] murky green tint, despite Chris having gotten a better camcorder as shown in "[[Hello, my sweety baby]]". There are also some skips in the audio as well, implying that Chris has recorded this on his old [[PSEye]] and that the new camcorder was lost in the fire.

==Description==

{{quotebox|I deepestly apologize to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to Colin for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to Shaina for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better Lesbian Transgender Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person ([[Troll]]) who has found the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

==Summary==
Being the first and currently only video (aside from [[Video games|Mario Kart 8]] playthroughs) uploaded by Chris in 2014, it seems to have been filmed in the [[Rental House|rental house]] Chris and [[Barb|his mother]] have been staying in, since the events of the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]]. The video primarily consists of Chris apologizing to his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|latest partner]], whom he has apparently been in an open relationship with.

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Love You, Catherine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvMWpKKw8k4}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2014]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}
| previous = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

===Transcript===
''["[[wikipedia:Theme from A Summer Place|Theme from A Summer Place]]" playing in background]''

--is Christian Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]. I'm recording this vid-video because I have... [[Chris and remorse|apologies to make]]. I...want to apologize to, uh... Shaina, who was...a good friend of mine - but not my s- girlfriend - uh, been helping me- been helping me out in relaying details and whatnot amongst, uh, my... sweetheart, another one of my gal-pals, and uh, uh ''[does his [[stress sigh]]]''... new... man of the hour. Anyway, um, alright, Shaina has been relaying messages on and off between me and, uh, uh... his name is Colin, and, uh, my sc-school gal-pal Rebecca who introduced me to Shayna in the first place. Anyway, I, uh, with my sweetheart, uh, everyone oughta know her by now who knows me, because they found the CD I gave her. Yeah, her name is Catherine. So, yeah, with that, uh, I would really appreciate having the CD sent back to me and I'll make sure she gets it 'cause it's the master copy, as well as the master print and handwriting in there, so I would really mu- appreciate getting that back.

Anyway, I've royally screwed up here, because, uh, while Catherine was in New York recently, for, uh, a bachelorette party of a friend of Shaina's, uh...''[deep swallow followed by sigh]'' sh-...yeah, uh, Colin asked her and Shaina asked her to go out for a sailboat ride. Uh, Shaina couldn't make it but Catherine went. They had a good ti- they had a fun time on the boat. Nothing else happened. Colin treated her with respect, and I'm guessing kept his distance, but definitely respected my sweetheart, and uh... I made assumptions because I did not know better and I had other fears in my mind as well. I had, uh, [[Noviophobia|assumed]] Colin was the type that would [[rape|take advantage]] of other women, and, uh... most importantly, Cat- my Catherine, and I had assumed from what he told me that, uh, it was kind of, uh, lackadaisical, and insincere. Would not take, uh, would not listen to me very seriously.

Anyway, I beg to put it into a pun, I've made an ass of myself by making so many assumptions. Anyway, it all turned out very bad, especially for, uh... Catherine... [[Chris and his ego|and me]]. I've just been feeling really bad about that. Uh... I'm sorry, Shaina, for putting you through the in-between people-- work-- luh, I appreciate you doing that very much. And Colin, I'm very sorry for all the [[JERKS|assumptions]] I made about you. I would like to think better of you as a person, and I... I trust you-- I am trusting you from the-- all that, yeah. And most importantly, I'm very sorry to my sweetheart Catherine. ''[Chris facepalms]'' I just... She's been going through a lot as well... she need- she needed a good time as well to get away from the bad things of life that's bothering her, but it's relevant to her father. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Anyway, Catherine, you mean the world to me, sweetheart, you really do, and.. I mean to treat you as a partner, I do. And I don't mean to treat you as a child, uh... I've been going under a lot of my own [[Stress|stresses]] lately. ''[Begins to tear up a little]'' Especially in response to everything, and I... ''[Chris facepalms again]'' I miss my father every day... Sigh.. It all hurts. My [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris and religion|soul]], they what to you, Catherine, they really-- I-I really do send my heart out so if you wanna keep it with you, keep my heart and soul as well. I love and I care about you so much and I respect you and I mean very well in my intentions. [[ShecameforCWC|Always]]. Even if they aren't the best impulses out of all that. [[White_Knight#Chris.27_life_would_still_be_a_disaster_even_if_the_trolls_never_bothered_him|I'm very sorry for all the mistakes I've made]]. ''[Chris facepalms a third time, then starts his godawful singing.]''

I can't stop loving you~

Deep within my heart~

[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|I don't know all the lyrics]]~

So I'll just sing from the bottom of my heart~

And the depths of my soul~

''[Dramatic pause]''

I love you.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

I Love You, Catherine

2014-10-06T03:46:25Z

Catnip: Changed spelling to "Shaina" as Chris spelled it on his Facebook page and Youtube channel

"'''I Love You, Catherine'''" is a video uploaded to [[YouTube]], by [[Chris]], on [[October 2014|October 4, 2014]]. The video contains an apology to a [[Gal-pal|girl]] named Catherine, who is presumably the [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|mystery sweetheart]] Chris had posted about on [[Facebook]] in previous months. It should be noted that Chris is seen wearing [[Tomgirl|a skirt and stockings]] throughout the entirety of the video, while also sporting his old [[Manchester High School|high school]] sweatshirt. A woman's headband can be seen in his ever-thinning [[Hair|hairline]] throughout the entirety of the video, as well. He is also shown to be at his lowest point since [[CWC is Sad]], speaking with a low monotone and at parts almost tearing up.

Note that the video has [[Chris and cinematography|the usual]] murky green tint, despite Chris having gotten a better camcorder as shown in "[[Hello, my sweety baby]]". There is also some skips in the audio as well, implying that Chris has recorded this on his old [[PSEye]] and that the new camcorder was lost in the fire.

==Description==

{{quotebox|I deepestly apologize to Catherine for the recent mistakes that I have made. I apologize to Colin for assuming him to be as bad as a rapist, as well as, more accurately, a womanizer who takes advantage. And I apologize to Shaina for getting her involved as a back-and-forth messenger, and I thank her for all that she has done there. And I most deeply thank Catherine for continuing to care about and love me, as I care for and love her very much. I still am learning about how to behave in an open relationship, and I promise to learn from my mistakes to become a better Lesbian Transgender Sweetheart and Partner for her and our future in our relationship together.

And to the Person ([[Troll]]) who has found the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" Mix CD, Please mail that back to me, well packaged and marked fragile, to my home address of 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545, so I can return it directly to Catherine as soon as possible after having it returned. Thank You.}}

==Summary==
Being the first and currently only video (aside from [[Video games|Mario Kart 8]] playthroughs) uploaded by Chris in 2014, it seems to have been filmed in the [[Rental House|rental house]] Chris and [[Barb|his mother]] have been staying in, since the events of the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]]. The video primarily consists of Chris apologizing to his [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|latest partner]], whom he has apparently been in an open relationship with.

{{Infobox/video
| name = I Love You, Catherine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tvMWpKKw8k4}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2014]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}
| previous = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

===Transcript===
''["[[wikipedia:Theme from A Summer Place|Theme from A Summer Place]]" playing in background]''

--is Christian Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]. I'm recording this vid-video because I have... [[Chris and remorse|apologies to make]]. I...want to apologize to, uh... Shaina, who was...a good friend of mine - but not my s- girlfriend - uh, been helping me- been helping me out in relaying details and whatnot amongst, uh, my... sweetheart, another one of my gal-pals, and uh, uh ''[does his [[stress sigh]]]''... new... man of the hour. Anyway, um, alright, Shaina has been relaying messages on and off between me and, uh, uh... his name is Colin, and, uh, my sc-school gal-pal Rebecca who introduced me to Shayna in the first place. Anyway, I, uh, with my sweetheart, uh, everyone oughta know her by now who knows me, because they found the CD I gave her. Yeah, her name is Catherine. So, yeah, with that, uh, I would really appreciate having the CD sent back to me and I'll make sure she gets it 'cause it's the master copy, as well as the master print and handwriting in there, so I would really mu- appreciate getting that back.

Anyway, I've royally screwed up here, because, uh, while Catherine was in New York recently, for, uh, a bachelorette party of a friend of Shaina's, uh...''[deep swallow followed by sigh]'' sh-...yeah, uh, Colin asked her and Shaina asked her to go out for a sailboat ride. Uh, Shaina couldn't make it but Catherine went. They had a good ti- they had a fun time on the boat. Nothing else happened. Colin treated her with respect, and I'm guessing kept his distance, but definitely respected my sweetheart, and uh... I made assumptions because I did not know better and I had other fears in my mind as well. I had, uh, [[Noviophobia|assumed]] Colin was the type that would [[rape|take advantage]] of other women, and, uh... most importantly, Cat- my Catherine, and I had assumed from what he told me that, uh, it was kind of, uh, lackadaisical, and insincere. Would not take, uh, would not listen to me very seriously.

Anyway, I beg to put it into a pun, I've made an ass of myself by making so many assumptions. Anyway, it all turned out very bad, especially for, uh... Catherine... [[Chris and his ego|and me]]. I've just been feeling really bad about that. Uh... I'm sorry, Shaina, for putting you through the in-between people-- work-- luh, I appreciate you doing that very much. And Colin, I'm very sorry for all the [[JERKS|assumptions]] I made about you. I would like to think better of you as a person, and I... I trust you-- I am trusting you from the-- all that, yeah. And most importantly, I'm very sorry to my sweetheart Catherine. ''[Chris facepalms]'' I just... She's been going through a lot as well... she need- she needed a good time as well to get away from the bad things of life that's bothering her, but it's relevant to her father. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Anyway, Catherine, you mean the world to me, sweetheart, you really do, and.. I mean to treat you as a partner, I do. And I don't mean to treat you as a child, uh... I've been going under a lot of my own [[Stress|stresses]] lately. ''[Begins to tear up a little]'' Especially in response to everything, and I... ''[Chris facepalms again]'' I miss my father every day... Sigh.. It all hurts. My [[Heart level|heart]] and [[Chris and religion|soul]], they what to you, Catherine, they really-- I-I really do send my heart out so if you wanna keep it with you, keep my heart and soul as well. I love and I care about you so much and I respect you and I mean very well in my intentions. [[ShecameforCWC|Always]]. Even if they aren't the best impulses out of all that. [[White_Knight#Chris.27_life_would_still_be_a_disaster_even_if_the_trolls_never_bothered_him|I'm very sorry for all the mistakes I've made]]. ''[Chris facepalms a third time, then starts his godawful singing.]''

I can't stop loving you~

Deep within my heart~

[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|I don't know all the lyrics]]~

So I'll just sing from the bottom of my heart~

And the depths of my soul~

''[Dramatic pause]''

I love you.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Rosechu (species)

2014-06-12T04:37:08Z

Catnip:

[[Image:240-TanfulRchu.jpg|thumb|A Rosechu.]]

'''Rosechu''' is the name used for the female-gendered specimen of [[Chris]]'s imaginary species of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

== Appearance ==
[[File:Bubbles.jpg|thumb|[[Bubbles Rosechu]].]]
Rosechus, much like their male counterparts, resemble [[Amy Rose|certain video game hedgehogs]] in general appearance, with the females of the both species having longer and softer head-spines that superficially resemble human hair from a distance. The only distinguishing attribute is a slender and elongated tail [[Rosechu#Intersex|with a very sharp tip]]; even so, [[Bubbles|not]] [[Silvana|all]] [[Simonla|Rosechus]] [[Zapina|have]] this type of tail, [[Angelica|some]] lacking one altogether.

Like Sonichus, they come in many <s>forms</s> recolors, but a typical Rosechu has pink fur, like its [[Rosey|larval form]]. There may also be some other distinguishing characteristics, such as wings, tails, or drill hands, but generally the only things distinguishing one Rosechu from another are fur color and clothing choice.

Whereas Sonichus can fully retract their eyelids, most Rosechus always have their top eyelids slightly lowered, lending to the impression of a [[The Creepy Stare|vacant look]].

Certain Rosechus sport a visible navel. This is peculiar, as navals are present only among [[:wikipedia:Placentalia|placental mammals]], which Electric Hedgehog Pokémon are definitely not on account of them laying eggs. Navels are not universal among Rosechus; while Rosechu, [[Lolisa]], [[Simonla]] and [[Zapina]] are seen having navels when their bellies are exposed,<ref>Possibly NSFW: ''[[Sonichu 8]]'', pp. [[:image:SchuComic8P8.jpg|5-B]], [[:image:SchuComic8P53.jpg|35-C]], [[:image:SchuComic8P55.jpg|35-E]], [[:image:SchuComic8P67.jpg|44]].</ref> the same does not apply for [[Angelica]] and [[Bubbles]].<ref>''[[Sonichu 3]]'' [[:image:Issue3.jpg|cover]].</ref>

==Behavior==

[[Women's rights|Oh, fuck it, they all act the same.]]

==Rosechus and reproduction==
[[File:Bride.JPG|thumb|Bride Rosechu, one of the infamous [[Basement Rosechus]] that [[Alec Benson Leary]] tried to breed with [[Asperchu]].]]
Chris has loosely based the anatomy of the [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and Rosechu's reproductive organs on those of humans and [[Patti|dog]]s. A Rosechu's [[china|vagina]] is normally hidden from view by a flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a [[The Incredible Lioness|"psych-up" attack]]. Rosechu's nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage" ([[Pedofork|This implies that a Rosechu must be sexually aroused to feed her own young]]). Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a uterus.

First-time sex may be painful for Rosechus, even causing them to bleed from their hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage." If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months", after which the Rosechu lays an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant [[Sonee]] or Rosey hatches. This indicates that Rosechus are some kind of [[Wikipedia:Monotreme|monotreme]], despite the fact that mice and hedgehogs (upon which Pikachu/Raichu and Sonic are based) are [[Wikipedia:Eutharia|placental]]s. However, their biology is inconsistent, as the original [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] is depicted menstruating in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], a function found only in primates. Also, egg-laying mammals lack nipples, and nurse their young by sweating milk from the pores of their skin. These may be down to a unique quirk in the reproductive system of Rosechus, though it is more likely that the author just [[slow-in-the-minds|doesn't know what he's talking about]].

Chris has mentioned that a Sonee is born as the result of intercourse between a Sonichu and a Rosechu, or some combination of the above and a [[Wikipedia:Ditto (Pokémon)|Ditto]] [[Pokémon]]. It is never explained how a Rosechu and a Ditto would copulate, but presumably the Ditto would mimic a Sonichu.

The gestation time of a Rosechu pregnancy is unknown; however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and Rosechu's two eldest offspring — Cerah and Christine — were born on [[Sonichu chronology#2006|29 June and 6 October 2006]], respectively. Robbie, the couple's third hypothetical child, was born on [[Sonichu chronology#2007|26 February 2007]]. Given that there are 99 days between the first two dates, and 143 between the latter two, any of several things can be hypothesized:

*The gestation time of a Sonichu is about three months, and Sonichu and Rosechu wasted no time getting back on the saddle after their first child;
*The gestation time is closer to four months, and Christine was a premature birth;
*They're fucking eggs that gestate outside of the body, meaning that they could have been laid any number of months before their birthdays (with the additional implication that Sonichu and Rosechu had a shotgun wedding, if the gestation period is longer than 3 months); or
*Chris paid no mind to the idea of time when selecting birthdates for his characters, and never noticed the logical impossibility of the Sonees' birthdates because he is an idiot. All things considered, the last option seems the most plausible. The only IRL animal that can possibly gestate shorter than a Rosechu is a kangaroo, with a period of a single month; however, given that Chris has no knowledge of reproductive systems outside of humans and this fucked up hybrid, the last option is still the most plausible.

==Rosechus and Evolution==

[[File:EvolutionChart.png|thumb|You would be forgiven for finding this confusing.]]

Chris seems to hold a rather strange view on evolution. It is largely based on [[Pokémon]]. When hatched from their eggs, Rosechus are born as a Rosey. This infant Pokémon can already have a certain sub-type; [[Angelica]], for instance, was born as a white rosey with a Flying subtype. After being nurtured for some time, the Rosey then tends to evolve into their Rosechu-form. The path of evolution beyond Rosechu is unclear, although, when the Rosechu is brought in contact with a [[Moon]] Stone, the creature can evolve into a [[Vamprosa]].

When Chris finally created a [[CWCipedia]] article for Rosechu, he included an extensive (and confusing) evolutionary path for Rosechus as a species. Curiously, while most of the Rosechus shown in the comic have some kind of subtype from birth, Chris's ramblings imply that all Roseys start without a type, and only acquire one through external sources (such as being exposed to a Moon Stone or the other bullshit that can force a Pokémon to evolve in the Pokémon franchise). (The latter may be a convenient explanation for [[Sandy Rosechu]], who was born without a subtype and evolved into a Ground- and Bug- type, presumably losing her Electric type.) He also retcons the evolution into Vamprosa to say that one merely gets a Rosechu to highest level happiness and then level up between midnight and 12:05 am. Chris clarifies that this scheme would only happen if Rosechus ever become [[Chris and the industry|integrated]] into the [[Pokémon: Lightning Version|''Pokémon'' series]].

Another evolution for Rosechu is [[The Incredible Lioness]], better known as the PMS Monster from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] that face-raped [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Seemingly analogous to [[Ultra Sonichu]], rather than gaining power from exposure to [[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystals]], Rosechu simply gains tremendous strength through [[stress]], closer to the Incredible Hulk than anything else. Because she's a [[Women's rights|woman]] she can't control herself when she gets into a rage, and the only way to calm her is to tell her that she's pretty, or whatever bullshit Chris means by "make amends with deepest apologies, heavy flattery, and promising to do as she wishes". The process also completely destroys her clothes, and she has to have the foresight to know she's about to go into a blind, unstoppable rage and removes the clothing, or just put on some makeshift clothes later to compensate. This serves no purpose than an excuse for Chris to draw Rosechu stripping, as the "transformation" consists of little more than her eyes turning red and her hair growing, neither of which should destroy or otherwise damage her clothing. The fact that she even ''needs'' clothes is a bit of an odd point, since several of the Rosechus never wear more than shoes, so a lack of clothing hardly seems to be an issue for the species. Chris also clarifies that only the TRUE and ORIGINAL Rosechu can transform<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Christian_in_his_Own_Words]</ref>, meaning if [[Bubbles Rosechu]] gets really pissed at someone she's just shit out of luck.

==List of Rosechus==

[[File:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Rosechus are, on average, shorter than their male counterparts.]]

* [[Rosechu]]
* [[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Bride Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Brit-Tay Rosechu]]
* [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
* [[Chloe Rosechu]]
* [[Crystalina Rosechu]] (transformation)
*[[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Kitty Rosechu]]
* [[Lolisa Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Mary Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Moe Rosechu]]
* [[Saramah Rosechu]] (Transformation)
* [[Sandy Rosechu]]
* [[Silvana|Silvana Rosechu]] (intersex, born as a Rosey)
* [[Simonla Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Trisha Rosechu]]
* [[Zapina Rosechu]]
* [[Zelina Rosechu]]

==References==
<references/>

== See also ==

*[[Sonichu Girls]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Rosechus]]

Rosechu (species)

2014-06-12T04:36:14Z

Catnip: grammar edit

[[Image:240-TanfulRchu.jpg|thumb|A Rosechu.]]

'''Rosechu''' is the name used for the female-gendered specimen of [[Chris]]'s imaginary species of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

== Appearance ==
[[File:Bubbles.jpg|thumb|[[Bubbles Rosechu]].]]
Rosechus, much like their male counterparts, resemble [[Amy Rose|certain video game hedgehogs]] in general appearance, with the females of the both species having longer and softer head-spines that superficially resemble human hair from a distance. The only distinguishing attribute is a slender and elongated tail [[Rosechu#Intersex|with a very sharp tip]]; even so, [[Bubbles|not]] [[Silvana|all]] [[Simonla|Rosechus]] [[Zapina|have]] this type of tail, and [[Angelica|some]] lack one altogether.

Like Sonichus, they come in many <s>forms</s> recolors, but a typical Rosechu has pink fur, like its [[Rosey|larval form]]. There may also be some other distinguishing characteristics, such as wings, tails, or drill hands, but generally the only things distinguishing one Rosechu from another are fur color and clothing choice.

Whereas Sonichus can fully retract their eyelids, most Rosechus always have their top eyelids slightly lowered, lending to the impression of a [[The Creepy Stare|vacant look]].

Certain Rosechus sport a visible navel. This is peculiar, as navals are present only among [[:wikipedia:Placentalia|placental mammals]], which Electric Hedgehog Pokémon are definitely not on account of them laying eggs. Navels are not universal among Rosechus; while Rosechu, [[Lolisa]], [[Simonla]] and [[Zapina]] are seen having navels when their bellies are exposed,<ref>Possibly NSFW: ''[[Sonichu 8]]'', pp. [[:image:SchuComic8P8.jpg|5-B]], [[:image:SchuComic8P53.jpg|35-C]], [[:image:SchuComic8P55.jpg|35-E]], [[:image:SchuComic8P67.jpg|44]].</ref> the same does not apply for [[Angelica]] and [[Bubbles]].<ref>''[[Sonichu 3]]'' [[:image:Issue3.jpg|cover]].</ref>

==Behavior==

[[Women's rights|Oh, fuck it, they all act the same.]]

==Rosechus and reproduction==
[[File:Bride.JPG|thumb|Bride Rosechu, one of the infamous [[Basement Rosechus]] that [[Alec Benson Leary]] tried to breed with [[Asperchu]].]]
Chris has loosely based the anatomy of the [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and Rosechu's reproductive organs on those of humans and [[Patti|dog]]s. A Rosechu's [[china|vagina]] is normally hidden from view by a flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a [[The Incredible Lioness|"psych-up" attack]]. Rosechu's nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage" ([[Pedofork|This implies that a Rosechu must be sexually aroused to feed her own young]]). Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a uterus.

First-time sex may be painful for Rosechus, even causing them to bleed from their hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage." If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months", after which the Rosechu lays an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant [[Sonee]] or Rosey hatches. This indicates that Rosechus are some kind of [[Wikipedia:Monotreme|monotreme]], despite the fact that mice and hedgehogs (upon which Pikachu/Raichu and Sonic are based) are [[Wikipedia:Eutharia|placental]]s. However, their biology is inconsistent, as the original [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] is depicted menstruating in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], a function found only in primates. Also, egg-laying mammals lack nipples, and nurse their young by sweating milk from the pores of their skin. These may be down to a unique quirk in the reproductive system of Rosechus, though it is more likely that the author just [[slow-in-the-minds|doesn't know what he's talking about]].

Chris has mentioned that a Sonee is born as the result of intercourse between a Sonichu and a Rosechu, or some combination of the above and a [[Wikipedia:Ditto (Pokémon)|Ditto]] [[Pokémon]]. It is never explained how a Rosechu and a Ditto would copulate, but presumably the Ditto would mimic a Sonichu.

The gestation time of a Rosechu pregnancy is unknown; however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and Rosechu's two eldest offspring — Cerah and Christine — were born on [[Sonichu chronology#2006|29 June and 6 October 2006]], respectively. Robbie, the couple's third hypothetical child, was born on [[Sonichu chronology#2007|26 February 2007]]. Given that there are 99 days between the first two dates, and 143 between the latter two, any of several things can be hypothesized:

*The gestation time of a Sonichu is about three months, and Sonichu and Rosechu wasted no time getting back on the saddle after their first child;
*The gestation time is closer to four months, and Christine was a premature birth;
*They're fucking eggs that gestate outside of the body, meaning that they could have been laid any number of months before their birthdays (with the additional implication that Sonichu and Rosechu had a shotgun wedding, if the gestation period is longer than 3 months); or
*Chris paid no mind to the idea of time when selecting birthdates for his characters, and never noticed the logical impossibility of the Sonees' birthdates because he is an idiot. All things considered, the last option seems the most plausible. The only IRL animal that can possibly gestate shorter than a Rosechu is a kangaroo, with a period of a single month; however, given that Chris has no knowledge of reproductive systems outside of humans and this fucked up hybrid, the last option is still the most plausible.

==Rosechus and Evolution==

[[File:EvolutionChart.png|thumb|You would be forgiven for finding this confusing.]]

Chris seems to hold a rather strange view on evolution. It is largely based on [[Pokémon]]. When hatched from their eggs, Rosechus are born as a Rosey. This infant Pokémon can already have a certain sub-type; [[Angelica]], for instance, was born as a white rosey with a Flying subtype. After being nurtured for some time, the Rosey then tends to evolve into their Rosechu-form. The path of evolution beyond Rosechu is unclear, although, when the Rosechu is brought in contact with a [[Moon]] Stone, the creature can evolve into a [[Vamprosa]].

When Chris finally created a [[CWCipedia]] article for Rosechu, he included an extensive (and confusing) evolutionary path for Rosechus as a species. Curiously, while most of the Rosechus shown in the comic have some kind of subtype from birth, Chris's ramblings imply that all Roseys start without a type, and only acquire one through external sources (such as being exposed to a Moon Stone or the other bullshit that can force a Pokémon to evolve in the Pokémon franchise). (The latter may be a convenient explanation for [[Sandy Rosechu]], who was born without a subtype and evolved into a Ground- and Bug- type, presumably losing her Electric type.) He also retcons the evolution into Vamprosa to say that one merely gets a Rosechu to highest level happiness and then level up between midnight and 12:05 am. Chris clarifies that this scheme would only happen if Rosechus ever become [[Chris and the industry|integrated]] into the [[Pokémon: Lightning Version|''Pokémon'' series]].

Another evolution for Rosechu is [[The Incredible Lioness]], better known as the PMS Monster from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] that face-raped [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Seemingly analogous to [[Ultra Sonichu]], rather than gaining power from exposure to [[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystals]], Rosechu simply gains tremendous strength through [[stress]], closer to the Incredible Hulk than anything else. Because she's a [[Women's rights|woman]] she can't control herself when she gets into a rage, and the only way to calm her is to tell her that she's pretty, or whatever bullshit Chris means by "make amends with deepest apologies, heavy flattery, and promising to do as she wishes". The process also completely destroys her clothes, and she has to have the foresight to know she's about to go into a blind, unstoppable rage and removes the clothing, or just put on some makeshift clothes later to compensate. This serves no purpose than an excuse for Chris to draw Rosechu stripping, as the "transformation" consists of little more than her eyes turning red and her hair growing, neither of which should destroy or otherwise damage her clothing. The fact that she even ''needs'' clothes is a bit of an odd point, since several of the Rosechus never wear more than shoes, so a lack of clothing hardly seems to be an issue for the species. Chris also clarifies that only the TRUE and ORIGINAL Rosechu can transform<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Christian_in_his_Own_Words]</ref>, meaning if [[Bubbles Rosechu]] gets really pissed at someone she's just shit out of luck.

==List of Rosechus==

[[File:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Rosechus are, on average, shorter than their male counterparts.]]

* [[Rosechu]]
* [[Angelica|Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Bride Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Brit-Tay Rosechu]]
* [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
* [[Chloe Rosechu]]
* [[Crystalina Rosechu]] (transformation)
*[[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Kitty Rosechu]]
* [[Lolisa Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Mary Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Basement Rosechus|Moe Rosechu]]
* [[Saramah Rosechu]] (Transformation)
* [[Sandy Rosechu]]
* [[Silvana|Silvana Rosechu]] (intersex, born as a Rosey)
* [[Simonla Rosechu]]
*[[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Trisha Rosechu]]
* [[Zapina Rosechu]]
* [[Zelina Rosechu]]

==References==
<references/>

== See also ==

*[[Sonichu Girls]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Rosechus]]

Teenage Dream

2014-05-20T06:02:33Z

Catnip: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}

'''Teenage Dream''' is an audio file of Chris singing [[Wikipedia:Katy Perry|Katy Perry]]'s song "[[Wikipedia:Teenage Dream (Katy Perry song)|Teenage Dream]]", leaked on 25 [[February 2012]]. In typical Chris style, he sings tunelessly over the original song, rather than finding a karaoke version.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Teenage Dream
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vRaX8cMkjjc}}
| stardate =
| subject = {{Music}}
| style =
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Unknown
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Little Tomboy Blue]]
| next = [[Who's Your Brony?]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
You think I'm pretty 
Without any [[Tomgirl|make-up]] on 
You think I'm [[Random-access humor|funny]] 
When I tell the [[Punchy Sonichu|punch]] line wrong 
I know you get me 
So I'll let the walls come down, down

Before you met me 
[[Lie|I was alright]] 
But things were kinda [[Obesity|heavy]] 
You brought me to life 
Now every February 
[[Valentine's Day Hymn|You'll be my valentine, valentine]]

Let's go [[Chris and Sex|all the way]] tonight 
No regrets, just [[Sweetheart|love]] 
We can dance until we [[Chris and Death|die]] 
You and I 
We'll be young forever

You make me 
Feel like 
I'm living a Teenage Dream 
The way you [[April 16 Fetish Vids|turn me on]] 
[[Biological clock|I can't sleep]] 
Let's [[Sonichu's Edge|run]] [[Ohio Trip|away]] 
And don't ever look back 
Don't ever look back

My [[Heart level|heart]] [[Bob Chandler|stops]] 
When you look at me 
Just one touch 
Now baby I believe 
[[Chris and Reality|This is real]] 
So take a chance 
And don't ever look back 
Don't ever look back

We drove to [[Cole Smithey|Cali]] 
And got drunk on the beach 
Got a motel and 
Built a floor out of sheets 
I finally found you 
My missing [[Autism|puzzle piece]] 
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight 
No regrets, just love 
We can dance until we die 
You and I 
We'll be young forever

You make me 
Feel like 
I'm living a Teenage Dream 
The way you turn me on 
[[Biological clock|I can't sleep]] 
Let's run away 
And don't ever look back 
Don't ever-(Video Cuts off)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Little Tomboy Blue]]|nextlink=[[Who's Your Brony?]]}}

{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013

2014-05-20T03:56:14Z

Catnip: /* Transcript */

{{taxpayermoney}}
'''CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013''' is a video uploaded on 5 November [[2013]]. An unidentified person holds the camera while Chris guides the viewer around a [[Lego]] version of [[Manchester High School]]. Hilariously, Chris made this nostalgic video just days before discovering that his high school [[gal-pals]] were only pitying him and weren't really his friends.
This is the first video uploaded on [[Youtube]] by Chris personally since [[August 2011]].

Around 4:52, Chris presents the high school's gym. While he takes meticulous care to inform the audience about the content of the gym, he does not note the presence of the [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] figurines in it. Whether this is due to [[Sonichu]] having been relegated to a less prominent place in Chris's life or due to some other reason is up to the viewer to decide.

==Video==
{{Quotebox|It took me over thirty hours in a whole week, but I built a full size school building, based from the Lego Friends animated Series (on the Lego Channel on [[YouTube]]). Fully inspired from [[Manchester High School|my High School]] and my fondest memories there, as well as the Best Ever Lego Set, Heartlake High School and "[[My Little Pony]]: Equestria Girls" movie. It is built, stud-to-stud scale, as shown in episode three of the animated series, where it is shown from one corner to the back and its left. Let's go back to school.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tEvrhZoASDs}}
| stardate = 5 November [[2013]]
| subject = [[Lego]], [[High school]]
| style = {{Reason}} Reason
| saga =
| shirt = Black Extra Life T-shirt
| other =
| previous = [[You're Always Pretty]]
| next = [[Tour of Chris's House II]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is seated in what appears to be a public restaurant. His hair is shoulder length and he is wearing a long sleeved lime-green top with a black Extra Life t-shirt over the top. The aspect ratio of the video is unusual and the video appears to warp, possibly as the result of Youtube's anti-shake feature.'']

Hello, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, [[Ruckersville]], Virginia. And I here to ([[Speech impediment|stumbles over words]]) about to present something very [[Chris and English|fantastical]] that I have worked over three hours on-- over 30 hours on from October 18 to October 25, 2013... (camera pans left) this lovely high school. Stud to scud size scale replica of what is seen in the 3rd episode of the LEGO Friends series available on the LEGO Channel on [[YouTube]]. Dedicated to the high school I went to, [[Manchester High]]. [[Manchester_High#Go_Lancers.21|Go Lancers]].

''[To the camera person]''[[Narcissism#Unwarranted_self-importance|All right, put it back onto me now]].

Yeah and er I'll tell you about how I did-I did- I'll tell you more about this, I was inspired to do this starting from last August when the Friends High School came out. Now this thing was built with eight of these sets: a Summer Riding Camp, Olivia's House, one Café, two of Stephanie's Dance Classes, and a whole bunch of improvising from my parts. The building of this is dedicated to Manchester High School in Midlothian, Virginia.

And which on that note, I was further inspired for my high school from the [[My Little Pony]]: Equestria Girls movie. I mean, tell you, that's a really great movie, available on Blu-Ray, DVD, and digital copidy.

My senior yearbook, yep.

Anyway, so now we're going to take a tour of the inside of this-- what did I just knock over? Oh.

It also, yeah, just Lego Friends, just a little plug in for the Lego Company, pretty much and the Lego Movie, coming out in February 2014, and I'm standing right here at the entrance.

Yay! I mean Lego (stumbles over words) take an idea from your competitors at least.

We're going to go inside the school building, this thing is literally the three story height. (Unintelligible)

Oh, there goes the basketball hoop, put those to the side.

Ah, shoot, oh well, no problem, I'll collect the pieces later.

Anyway, welcome to Man- welcome to this High- welcome to this High School. We've got expansive hallways and staircases. There's the cafeteria, and here's the lunch table, pretty much where which I used to sit with my High School Gal-Pals, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]] and [[Galpal#Sarah_Anne_Bevel|Sarah]].
And, she's taking my place there for the moment.

And look who we have here, a (unintelligible)that's-what-she-said [[JERKS|douchebag]], flirting with
[[Star Wars|Ahsoka]]. And look, Michaelangelo's eating a pizza! Nomnomnomnomnom. And Venus de Milo is practicing her cheerleading moves.

Here's the principal, the Infomaniac from Lego Island, not in any way corresponding or
whatever to acting and past Principal Mr Peter Koste. And there's [[Bob Chandler|my Dad]], negotiating with
the Principal, because, that's one way to make friends in High School, [[Chris and negotiation|negotiation]].

And here is the home economics class.

There's the music.

And here is the Gym, complete with treadmill, a bunch of yoga mats, a weight machine, 2 ex- 2 exercise bikes,
basketballs and boyfriend-girlfriend gym teachers, and there's the showers that they gotta
hit plus the bathroom right net to it, and the locker rooms where cheerleaders are hanging
out plus this little boy, apparently he can't sit down because the wedgie he got was so uncomfortable.

Yes the Manchester High School spirit is all the rage around this- all the rage around here and the stair case literally goes up!

[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Doo doo]] de dup! Ba-bump ba-bump, that works. Thank you.

And now we go up to the second floor, zoom in on the hallway, the hallway. Here [[Transformers|Bumblebee Prime]] is monitoring the hallways.
We have ourselves an expensive library, look, somebody left a book behind, and we got whole bunches of books everywhere.

Right here we've got the computer lab, somebody printed out something, and the
teacher's teaching the class. And here's my [[Lego|original mini-figure]], taking- taking a class
with my other gal-pal [[Galpal#Miranda_Joyce_Mitchell|Miranda]], right there.

And right here, you can call this a study hall or detention, but [[Megan Schroeder|a certain someone from my more recent years is in detention]], at the moment.

Hmm, well I did not secure the second floor to the bottom because I didn't want to do that just yet.

Anyway this is the science classroom with, clearly, the French character Miss Stevens.
[[Kellie Andes|Kelly's]] taking this class, looking through the telescope, and, oh right here next door,
here's another science class, featuring Dr Emmett Brown! "Marty! 2 plus 2 is 4!
E=Mc squared! And the flux capacitor makes the DeLorean into a time machine! Pay attention, boy!" "Yeah, Doc."

And the English classroom, my Mother is teaching it, and they're talking about
Abraham Lincoln. "4 score and 7 years ago". I forget how the rest goes. What are you trying to do? Cheat off your partner for a test?

And there's a janitor's closet.

And here's a dance studio.

We got all the supporting columns, I mean, the only problem I have is, definite on
the second floor here, some of the bigger plates are warped so they don't tend to stay
in place. Well, I don't know what Lego can do to improve that.

Then we go up to the third- topmost floor, where we have arts and crafts, with the craft making- dress making over here. Globe making.

And the arts, with painting and everything. Complete with balcony, and then we zoom out for
the whole roof top where, once in a while, everyone can have rooftop parties. "Tonight, tonight, there's a party on the rooftop tonight, tonight"

And what do you expect, each of the High School sets came with an owl. [[Random-access humor|"Hoo hoo" You, that's who!]]

Zoom out and see the whole thing again.

So anyway yes, I, Christian Weston Chandler, dedicate the construction of this entire school building to my Man- to my Manchester High School in Midlothian Virginia, not to be confused with Manchester England, or any other high school with the same name within the United States of America.

"Yip yip yip"

Thank you very much and have a good day!

{{
succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Message for John Kyle]]|nextlink=[[Tour of Chris's House II]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2013]]

Monthly tugboat

2012-04-23T13:47:50Z

Catnip: The linked article referenced the August 2011 debates in re: the debt ceiling. As these ended up having no reflection on Chris's life, this is no longer relevant.

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a Luxury Ship that can easily sink. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWCism|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own{{cite}}. Chris, of course, chooses not to work and mooches off his parents instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

Currently, Chris receives $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]], junk food, or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of his social security on video games. The problem is his game systems; [[PSP|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[PS3|Sony PS3]], are Japan based companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[Hexbox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Xbox.

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|This is true.]]

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total [[fail]]ure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Relics of Fail

2012-04-11T00:47:25Z

Catnip:

{{protip|Have you "discovered" a new Relic of Fail? Cool, just see if it's considered a relic under the [[Talk:Relics of Fail#A Taxonomy of Fail|the Taxonomy of Fail]].}}

The '''Relics of Fail''' are several items that Chris places significant emotional value on.

== The Major Relics ==
* [[Amnyfest Ring]] - Since the Sonichu medallions were stolen, Chris has claimed this [[autistic|mysteriously]]-named high school ring is the TRUE source of his power.
* [[Attraction Sign]] - A relic of days past when Chris had not yet been told by his mother that soliciting using a sign made him look retarded. Many versions existed, [[Mary Lee Walsh|most were destroyed]]. Most recently seen being used at [[Fridays After Five]].
* [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC on TV'' DVD]] - A DVD composed of many home videos among other things, such as his [[Song of Christian]].
* [[Gitar of Fail|Gitar]] - Apparently convinced this counts as a real guitar, Chris is often seen with his beloved ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller in attempts to look cool. It invariably has the opposite effect.
* [[Medallions of Fail|Medallions]] - Hunks of Crayola-brand modeling clay fashioned into the shape of Sonichu's head, among other characters' heads. Once believed by trolls to be the source of his power, they were swiftly corrected, and now Chris shows off his Amnyfest Ring to show that his videos are true and honest.
* [[PS3]] - Chris's life upgrade and the biggest drain on his [[Monthly Tugboat]]. Chris is now on to his [[The MovingForward videos|second PS3]].
* [[PSEye]] - The window through which trolls can catch glimpses of Chris and his day-to-day life.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail|Scrapbook]] - A three-ring binder containing all of Chris's comic pages and other drawings.
* [[Patti Chandler|Patti's corpse and doghouse]] - Chris's beloved dog who is buried in the Chandlers backyard under her doghouse.
* [[Hair|Locks of Chris's hair]] - Probably the only Relic to have been obtained by trolls which actually comes from Chris's own body.

== The Minor Relics ==
* [[Hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|Hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'']] - A lengthy issue of ''Nintendo Power'', customized to show Sonic ditching Sega to join [[Nintendo]] and revealing a little bit of what Chris wants in a [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' game.]]
* [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] - An odd-looking creation, though more original than most of his works. Born of [[Pixelblocks]], it is used in the comics to summon his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]].
* [[Pedo-Glasses]] - Have you ever noticed how [[pedofork|pedophiles]] and rapists in composite sketches wear these kinds of glasses? Yeah, don't think too hard about that.
* [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] - Yet another vessel for Chris's video game obsession. Chris, in typical fashion, has decorated it with images of his flagship character and his own face.
* [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' Poster]] - One of many things Chris presumably masturbates to in order to keep himself heterosexual.
* [[Son-Chu]] - Chris's beaten old station wagon, now nearly two years overdue for an oil change. Also appears in the comic as one of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]].
* [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]] - Actually, just a sports bra which Chris sadly wears, thinking that everyone will be turned [[Homos|gay]] if they don't wear one, too.

==The Lesser Relics==
* [[Anime Wings]] - A pair of women's hairclips that Chris got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]]. For some reason, Chris felt the need to incorporate them into his comic.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail|Belt Buckle]] - Not a very well-known relic, but nonetheless extremely amusing.
* [[Clown Doll]] - A harmless-looking clown doll, significant in that it often bears the brunt of Chris's fury in his many rage videos.
* [[Fapcup]] - Cup used by Chris to collect his [[semen]] for drinking purposes.
* [[Li'l Chris]] - A stuffed bear — not, in fact, Chris's [[duck]].
* [[Megatron pistol|Megatron Pistol]] - A toy handgun Chris uses to [[Death threats|threaten]] his most hated [[trolls|foes]].
* [[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]] - A pair of fake breasts often seen in his videos, possibly used as a sign of heterosexual virility and as a [[mass debating]] tool.
* [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]] - Like the PSP and ''Guitar Hero'' controller, this poor Wiimote has been decked out in Sonichu colors and was used in Chris's attempts to get [[Miyamoto]] to make him a video game.
* [[Pocket knife|Pocketknife]] - A knife that Chris can't handle at all.
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] - A Poké Ball-shaped pedometer originally packaged with the [[Pokémon|''Pokémon HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']] versions, recolored in the image of one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].
* [[Sex toys]] - Lots and lots of, including sex dolls, a vibrator, a dildo, a penis pump, anal beads, penis rings and two fleshlights.
* [[List of toys|Regular children toys]] - Too many to count; can be seen in Chris's videos and photographs cluttering all over his room. The most notable ones have been listed in this article.
* [[List of Chris's games|Video games]] and their various consoles - Thousands of dollars have been spent on them, some of it right from the [[Monthly Tugboat|pockets of the American taxpayers]]. Chris sold some of those games and consoles to [[Snooky's Pawn Shop]], where they were later obtained by [[Clyde Cash]].

==Artwork of Fail==
* [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] - Even the simple task of drawing a straight line to depict a drinking straw evades Mr. Weston Chandler.

==The Shrines of Fail==
* [[The Wall of Originals]] - A monument to the wastes of time known as Chris's original ''Pokémon'' cards.
* [[Megan Shrine]] - Chris's display of his disturbing obsession with the one [[Megan|girl]] he thought he truly had a chance at. '''Spoiler Alert:''' He never had a chance and never will.

==The Holy Fails==
{{protip|Procure one of these and upload them to CWCki and you will be a fucking god amongst men.}}
While not traditional relics in such that Chris has emotional value, per say, these are Chris-related relics that are of immense value to trolls but, like the fabled Holy Grail, seem impossible to obtain.

* [[Autism papers|Autism Papers]] - Presumably papers detailing Chris's exact psychological diagnosis. While a psychiatric survey from [[2004]] has been procured, the original papers documenting Chris's diagnosis are currently locked away in a filing cabinet in [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] room.
* '''Transcripts and Report Cards''' - Chris's transcripts and report cards, to verify whether if he was indeed on [[honor roll]] and to what degree his claims about his high school grades are true.

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

The Red-Maned Deer

2012-04-05T04:35:14Z

Catnip:

"'''The Red-Maned Deer'''" (leaked as '''fatty_video_-_aug_12_2011''') is a poetry reading Chris did for [[Jackie]] on 12 [[August 2011]]. It was leaked on 25 [[February 2012]]. The poem, which is actually more of a short story that occasionally rhymes, is about Chris stalking a deer and then fucking it. The deer represents Jackie; this was obvious, but Chris feels the need to [[autism|explicitly say this]] at the end. Interestingly, he constantly refers to Jackie as a Red-Maned Deer rather than a doe. He does say "doe," but he then goes right back to saying "deer".

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = The Red-Maned Deer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jLNUncC6Nm8}}
| stardate = 12 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Striped tank-top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

Hey sweetheart. As I read-- told you in the email, I wrote you a poem recently. Wrote it in my...

''[Pulls out his 3DS]''

...notebook. So I'm gonna read it to you now. Soon as I get it [the camera] right...

''[Fiddles with the camera's position.]''

Camera adjustment... yeah. Okay. Anyway. "The Red-Maned Deer," from me, written yesterday on the eleventh, came to me when I was waking up.

The Red-Maned Deer is quite an elusive and majestic creatcha ''[sic]'' of any forest of this planet earth...and even of the universe. She gallops with sweet [[Sonichu%27s_Ode_to_Rosechu|grace and style]] in her hooves of twinkling glitter. Her dazzling coat not only keeps her warm, but beautiful with sexy flair.

Her shimmering red mane is long and w-wild and when the beams of sun and moon shine through, it's godlike majestic. She has eyes of green...like a slice of lime. ''[He says lime with a strange accent.]'' Her snout is so cute, like a bunny or a kitten. And her smile and voice, truly cute, and sweet like a newt.

I've dreamt after ''[sic]'' her for months, keeping observation in camouflage. She has an interesting family, including her birth mother and a father a step away. They treat her sadly like a Cinderella, keeping her from seeing her Prince.

Yet the Red-Maned Doe is fully grown, and is very wise and aware of the forest laws. One day, as I followed, to much my surprise, ''[sic]'' she turns her head and looks directly at me! I hid for a short moment, until she spoke in my language very clear: "Come out, come out my dear, my dear watcher. I have been very aware of you all these months. I've watched you as you rested, and dined of the forest fruits, and write, pen to tree skin. Please come closer. Stroke my coat, and mane. Allow me to admire your face, close to mine."

I approached with [[Duck|erect]] elation, her coat smooth as silk, her mane brushing my fingers like a spring breeze. I looked into her eyes, and she to mine. Entranced with her temptation and beauty, I was truly surprised...when she kissed me deep. Damn! And then I kissed her back...and we made truest sweet love.

This was, in fact, NOT an act of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]]. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named Jacklyn Romy ''[pronounces it "Raw-mee"].''

''[Turns the 3DS to the screen.]'' I love you!

''[A few pure, unadulterated seconds of [[the creepy stare]] are interrupted by a terrifying kiss on the camera lens as the video ends.]''

==See also==

*[[An Inspired Poem for Jackie]]

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-12]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga videos| 2011-08-12]]