CWCki - User contributions [en]

Tomgirl Pictures

2013-05-20T01:13:39Z

ChinaChan:

{{Honest}}
{{quote|My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself.</ref>}}

One day, [[Chris]] decided to cross-dress. Then take '''pictures''' of it. Then go out in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public]] and take pictures of it. The pictures were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito]] on 28 [[April 2011]]. According to Tito, this bizarre new stunt was apparently Chris's extremely [[autism|overboard reaction]] to [[Jackie|someone]] advising him to get in touch with his [[Chris and sex|feminine side]]. The photos also marked the beginning of the Tomgirl [[saga]].
[[File:TG1.png|center|300px]]
==History==
Chris has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[Muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> The most complete list of Chris's feminine traits can be seen [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is gay|here]]. To show his support to all Tomgirls and Tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]] consisting of a TomGirl Robee (formerly Robbie), and TomBoy Cera and Christine.
[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px]]

==Chris's outfit==
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|right|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)
While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse. Because it was never seen before, it might have been a one time thing.

==Tito's Introduction==
Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising,
and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.

== Gallery of Chris-tran ==
Several of these images are reversed left-to-right, possibly because Chris took them with the front camera on his [[Nintendo|DSi or 3DS]] (Which, like most front-facing cameras, flips the image so that the picture matches what the user sees on the screen, as though the user were looking into a mirror). It should also be noted that picture taking occurred in at least three different places. Pictures [[:File:TG3.jpg|TG3]] and [[:File:TG4.jpg|TG4]] are taken on the Downtown Walking Mall. [[:File:TG12.jpg|TG12]] and [[:File:TG19.jpg|TG19]] are taken at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] and the rest taken in his [[14_Branchland_Court|home]].

<center>{{Collapsible|Chris-tran|<gallery>
File:TG2.jpg|Tomgirl car in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:TG3.jpg|Chris previously drew on the [[Charlottesville]] Free Speech Wall in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]].
File:TG4.jpg
File:TG5.jpg|Chris matched the color of his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] with his new pair of sandals.
File:TG6.jpg
File:TG7.jpg|Left ear buccaneer, right ear [[Homos|queer]].
File:TG8.jpg|Not the first time that Chris has covered his face in [[pickle]]s and [[Semen|white goo.]] Also, he's using the [[Plush Breasts]] as a pillow.
File:TG9.jpg|You just know this picture will be used in the paper when Chris finally kills [[Michael Snyder|someone]].
File:TG10.jpg|Not even [[White knight|white knights]] can say anything to defend this...
File:TG11.jpg|I wonder what Fred Phelps would say about this....
File:TG12.jpg
File:TG13.jpg|DAT ASS
File:TG14.jpg
File:TG15.jpg|[[Barbara|Barb 2.0]]
File:TG16.jpg
File:TG17.jpg|He made himself into a sweetheart from the ground-up.
File:TG18.jpg|GOODBYE HORSES
File:TG19.jpg
File:TG20.jpg|The PlayStation Move SharpShooter doesn't make the look any manlier.
File:TG21.jpg|A pillar of heterosexuality, and that's [[List of Chris's lies|TRUE AND HONEST]]
File:TG22.jpg|If he wears this and claims to be straight, I'd hate to see him when he comes out of the closet.....
File:TG23.jpg
File:TG24.jpg|Note the [[Medallions_of_Fail#The_Asperchu_Medallion_.28a.k.a._The_Medallion_of_Win.3F.29|Asperchu Medallion]] at the top right.
File:TG25.jpg
File:TG26.jpg
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, with Tomgirl earrings.
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:RoD3b.jpg|March Picture 1, featuring Tomgirl Chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March Picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March Picture 3
</gallery>}}
</center>

== Fan works ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fan Works|<gallery>
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
File:Hemanchristian.jpg|Tomgirl or He-Man?
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Talk:Rainbow

2013-05-02T22:52:59Z

ChinaChan:

==To Do==

*Needs moar gay rainbow pictures.
** I've added some RAINBOWS, but really the whole page could be multicolored. [[User:Mall Conductor Bear|Mall Conductor Bear]] 06:29, 11 May 2009 (CEST)

*Does anyone happen to have that Noah's Ark picture he had up a while back? I'm too lazy to see if it's still on his site. [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 05:40, 13 February 2009 (CET)

**Yeah, I've tried to find that but it's not on the mirror and I thought it was on his Blogspot blog but no luck. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:07, 30 March 2009 (CEST)

:::I've just noticed that blue comes before green in his rainbows. HONOR ROLL MY ASS. [[User:Fat Nigger|Fat Nigger]] 06:56, 16 August 2009 (CEST)

==The Gift that Keeps on Giving==
[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|right|To call this foreshadowing would be giving Chris far too much credit]]
Counting the 'mysterious beams of light' in ''Sonichu Babies'' offers 10 directions with only 5 eggs visible. Possibly explaining the origins of Silvana(Ultraviolet), [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]](Orange), and [[Zapina]](Yellow) as they coincide with colors of the Rainbow. Despite the fact that the visible spectrum is already in-use: there is theoretically room for ''at least'' two more of these Electric-Hedgehog-Pokémon fuckers. [[DJ Jamsta]] can be ruled out as he's already older than Sonichu. It's not [[Darkbind Sonichu|Darkbind]] either as he hails from ANCHUENT CWCRULE MYTHOLOGY. [[User:Mall Conductor Bear|Mall Conductor Bear]] 06:10, 11 May 2009 (CEST)
*Chris came up with Silvana as early as 2003 (see [[Sonichu's News Dash]]) so it's possible he added one direction to account for this. Personally, I think Chris just was showing "OH SHIT, THEY'RE GOING EVERYHWERE." This actually makes sense but the problem is, Chris never thinks these things through. I think this is a nice way of shutting people up about where Simonla, DJ Jamsta, etc. came from but I'm afraid Chris would explain it as "I don't know, I just wanted a DJ sonnichu, etc."

It doesn't seem like Chris has a story arc for the series (he might have until [[Sonichu 2]] with the anchuent prophecy and all that), and if he did have one, he's abandoned it because of the trolls or maybe even earlier to take into account his Love Quest and using the comic to promote himself.

So yeah, this actually makes a lot of sense but the problem is, Chris doesn't seem to think far in advance. Let's hope if he ever discovers this, we don't give him any ideas on how to cover his ass. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:48, 11 May 2009 (CEST)
** Yeah, Chris himself admits to doing everything on the fly. This is all just ''Poet Scholar'' postulating, and Doom Prophecy for the impending Sonichus and Rosechus... OF THE FUTURE. [[User:Mall Conductor Bear|Mall Conductor Bear]] 06:56, 11 May 2009 (CEST)
*** ...And finally the ridiculous backstory provided @ the CWCipedia: ''"From the Rainbow, EGGS were emitted throughout Earth, Space and Time. ALL of The eggs were all time-traveled back to the day of February 2, 1989 into various locations. There were '''countless eggs''' in addition to the 5 that would hatch into the Chaotic Combo Electric-Hedgehogs."''. Doesn't explain the age differences, but if anybody reads this crap seriously then they are beyond hope. [[User:LBearington|LBearington]] 09:32, 9 August 2009 (CEST)

==Edited/Fixed!==
Things fixed and removed...
*Everything referring to the Chaotic Eggs or anything like that was removed, as it's not relevant. That info can go [[CHRIS! CHANDLER!|in a SEPARATE article. SEPARATE]].
*Added more regarding Jimmy Hill. Felt it was relevant.
*Removed the rambling and Assburger-ish comments regarding inconsistencies. If someone wants to re-write that section or bring it up, feel free. I know next to nothing about the Sonichu comics. I don't read crappy fanfiction.
Hope this makes the article at least marginally better -- [[User:ChinaChan|ChinaChan]] 15:52, 2 May 2013 (PDT)

Rainbow

2013-05-02T22:47:57Z

ChinaChan:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quality}}
[[Image:0Rainbow1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris' TRUE and HONEST rainbow]]
[[Image:Supernumerary_rainbow_03_contrast.jpg‎ |thumb|right|A FAKE and DECEPTIVE rainbow.]]
A '''rainbow''' is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky. Rainbows are also known as a symbol of homosexuality and LGBT rights. Unfortunately, Chris didn't know this when he wrote them into the comic, leading to hilarious results.

In Chris's mind, and in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' canon]], a rainbow is both an important part of the plot, as well as a lazy metaphor used by Chris to represent something happy, amazing or pleasant happening. Rainbows are a recurring theme in the series, playing an important role in the history of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Of course, [[Homos| we all know what Chris actually meant]].

In real life, there's a rainbow etched into [[Amnyfest Ring|Chris's high school ring]].

==Chris and Rainbows==
In addition to not knowing that rainbows are mostly used by [[Homos|"da homos"]], Chris also utterly fails when trying to replicate them. Apparently, Chris was never taught the simple concept of ROY G BIV, which gives the exact order of colors in the light spectrum from left to right. As such, Chris repeatedly mixes up the colors of the rainbow. This demonstrates two things: firstly, that Chris was too lazy to find a reference of a real rainbow when drawing the comic, and secondly, that [[Naive| Chris knows nothing about how rainbows are formed]].

In addition, Chris often offers people a "rainbows of promise" as a [[Chris and Remorse|half-assed apology]] for things he has done wrong. For example, he offered [[Megan]] a "rainbow of promise" while corresponding with her after the [[shecameforCWC.JPG]] incident. Thankfully, Megan saw right through his [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitty apology]] and cut him out of her life.

Following [[Trolls|fan]] backlash against the hardcore sex scene depicted in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris removed or censored the pages containing genitalia from the site, and issued a "rainbow of promise" to not post any more sexual imagery. Chris later drew love scene between Black Sonichu and Silvana Rosechu [[Chris and Remorse|in the very next issue]].

==In the Comic==
[[Image:0Rainbow2.jpg|thumb|left|Feels Good Man]]
A rainbow effect was created when [[Pikachu]] struck [[Sonic]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. This energy also arced across the sky, striking a female Raichu some fifteen miles away, and transforming her into a [[Rosechu|hideous hag beast]]. The irony of Chris's most prized creation coming from a rainbow, a long-time symbol of homosexuality, is lost on him.

[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|right|TRUE and HONEST Chaos Rainbow ''shit eggs''.]]

In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris revealed that the Rainbow had also spit out five eggs, which landed in various locations around the world. Hence, the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Chris should be feeling pretty gay right about now. Sonichu would soon discover other Sonichus and Rosechus which were created by the Rainbow. So basically, [[Homos|most of the Sonichu characters came from a rainbow]].

In addition to the eggs, Chris established that "mysterious beams of light also shone from the rainbow", but declined to elaborate; this might be Chris's way of giving himself an out for adding more Sonichus and Rosechus, like Silvana.

==The Jimmy Hill Incident and Comic Retcons==
Upon stumbling on [[Jimmy Hill]], a troll-illionaire who managed to make billions of dollars from the [[Sonichu]] franchise as a LGBT icon, Chris realized that many of the imagery in Sonichu had homosexual overtones. Thus, Chris went on a campaign to remove and/or alter those images, including rainbows, [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|the "oversized straw"]], and the [[Sonichu Balls]].

Likewise, the infamous "Rainbow Chris" image from Sub-Episode 2 was changed to a background of the gates of Heaven when pointed out that rainbows are the international symbol of gay pride.

==Chris' Use of Rainbows==
[[Image:RainbowOverArk.jpg|thumb|right|Chris offers a "rainbow of promise" to his readers, rightfully comparing the travesty of his nude artwork with that of God's brutal punishment of mankind.]]

*The various Sonichus and Rosechus represent every color of the rainbow, although this may be a coincidence, as there's so damn many of them that Chris has no choice but to use every possible color to tell them apart.

*In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] lives on Rainbow Island.

*Chris also offered a "rainbow of promise" in [[Chris_E-mails_2007|an e-mail]] to [[Megan]].

*Chris mentions rainbows in "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]", the third track on his album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''.

<blockquote><poem style="font-style: italic;">I'm lookin' at you all and I see a rainbow, come on
You think I'm different in every way, come on
All of the times that I've earned [[honor roll]]!</poem></blockquote>

This is probably how [[autism]] was explained to him. [[Aspergers|Again, the irony is lost on him.]]

*A few of his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] are rainbow themed, such as [[:image:SnwsonC.jpg|Snowboarding Sonichu]], [[:image:365-Supreon.jpg|Supreon]] and [[:image:377-TurboRainbow.jpg|Turbo Rainbow]]. His Pokémon [[:File:333-Vegaton.jpg|Vegaton]] is described as being capable of creating rainbows.

==Possible interpretation of Chris's use of rainbows==
[[Image:Pride_flag.jpg|center|top]] 
<center>
[[Homo|'''He's gay!'''
 ]]
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[Chaos Emeralds]]
*[[Sonichu Balls]]
*[[Homos]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://gay4sonichu.yuku.com/ Gay4Sonichu]
*[http://psmission.webs.com/ Pride Sonichu Mission]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

2012-07-25T18:45:07Z

ChinaChan:

New people are being initiated to the horrors of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s world every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran [[Miscreant]] might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about everyone's favorite manchild.

==Trolling==

; Is Chris a [[troll]]? Is the whole thing a hoax?
: '''No.''' The verified documentation on Chris's entire life is way too complete and detailed for it to be a reverse-troll setup. There are news reports from his childhood confirming his autism; see [[Chris in the media]]. There are [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|two]] [[University of Virginia#UVA student on Chris|different]] blogs about Chris's behavior that were published before any of us had ever heard of him. [[Sonichu]] has existed since [[2000]]. Phone calls have been made to Chris's parents and his [[Rocky Shoemaker call|pastoral counselor]]. Chris got [[28 October 2011|arrested and charged]] and acted like himself even in court. Read around on this wiki for more and more evidence.

; How can you get off taunting an [[autistic]] guy?
: As CWCki editors, we don't do the trolling; we just write about it. Still, people don't troll Chris because he's autistic, but rather because he's a [[Niggos|racist]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[Homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and death|unsympathetic]], [[Bob Chandler|ungrateful]], [[Manchester High School#Graduation|jealous]], [[Nudes|perverse]], [[Chris and Health|disgusting]], [[The GAMe PLACe|kid-scaring]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|troll-feeding]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]] and [[Bagget|spitefully]] [[Kick the Autistic|antagonistic]] [[Parody|thief]], not to mention an all-around failure who wastes the hard-earned [[Monthly tugboat|tax money]] of average Americans on [[video games]] and [[sex toys]] while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities. He uses his autism as a crutch. He blames his lack of a job on trolls and never follows up on his promises to apply. He's someone who realizes he has a problem and what he does doesn't work but refuses to get help, even ignoring the help of [[white knights|well-meaning individuals]].

; Why don't you try helping him instead?
: [[Vivitheg|Many]] [[Jackie|people]] [[Clyde Cash|better]] [[Alec Benson Leary calls|than]] [[Sarah May|you]] have tried over the years and they have all accomplished [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|nothing]]. See the [[White knight]] article for reasons for and against ''trying'' to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, he won't listen.

; Do you exaggerate Chris's antics?
: The editors here try their hardest to paint an accurate picture of Chris's life, but that is sometimes difficult due to the subject matter. For various (good) reasons, the CWCki is largely from Chris's point of view—that is, information presented here is what Chris acknowledges to be true. Trolls are merely players on the stage that is Chris's life. It's probably best to understand the world of Chris as he understands it, much like it's best to understand a fictional world from the point of view of its characters, rather than the underlying reality of it. In other words, while Chris's reactions to events are real and the documentation of the reactions are indeed real, the situations and characters that provoke these reactions are contrived.

; Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?
: Not really, but you can try posting it on [[/cwc/]] or [[IRC:Contents|#sonichu]], where people who do troll Chris are likely to notice you.

==Psychology==

; Is he seeing a psychiatrist?
: No, but he is seeing his [[Rocky|church counselor]] and he has been sentenced to see a real psychiatrist. See [[Chris and psychology]].

; Is he really [[Autism|autistic]]?
: This is debated, but the claim has never really been falsified. Some argue that he has [[autism|high-functioning autism]]; however, please note that "high-functioning autism" is an informal term with no actual medical significance to it (you won't find the term in any official publication by the American Psychiatric Association). Based on a cursory [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]] from [[2004]], his diagnosis was autism (DSM-IV 299.00).

; Does he have [[Asperger's syndrome]]?
: Depends on what you define as "having" Asperger's. He has never been formally diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome, he has never claimed to have it, and in fact, he angrily rejects the label outright. However, it needs to be noted that "Asperger's" did not exist as a formally recognized diagnosis when Chris was diagnosed as "high-functioning autistic" as a child in the [[1980s]]. There is a very good case to be made that Chris would most likely be given the "Asperger's" label if he was a child today.

; Is he [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]]?
: Socially retarded, yes; mentally retarded, not quite. He somehow managed to graduate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]] and obtain a [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license]]. Chris does understand the consequences of his actions, has a consistent ethical system (albeit a warped, [[Chris and his ego|self-serving]] one), and recognizes what he's doing isn't working, yet he chooses to pin the blame on external forces or goes about his way anyways. The more likely answer to his perceived retardation is that he is just really, really stupid. However, given that he receives [[Monthly tugboat|regular payments from the government]] and does not demonstrate the competence to commit successful fraud, it has to be assumed that he - at some point - was legitimately diagnosed with some kind of disability.

==Sex==

; Why doesn't he just hire a prostitute?
: He wants [[love quest|TRUE and HONEST love]]. Prostitutes are expensive, and he wants a mothering companion. When prostitutes were sent to his house, Chris cried.<ref>[[Hooker incident]]</ref> Chris has also stated that he wouldn't hire a hooker out of fear of STDs.<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref> Though truth be told, Chris is cheap and odds are he'd find a crack whore too expensive. As to illustrate this point: it was discovered that he DID try to solicit the services of a prostitute by phone, but tried to get a discount by offering the chance of deflowering him and telling his life story; the prostitute hung up on him.<ref>[[Chris and sex|#Prostitution]]</ref> In [[April 2012]], Chris claimed to have lost his virginity in a [[Facebook]] post that made it pretty clear she was a whore.

; Is he [[homos|gay]]?
: This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there's no consensus on this. He's certainly into women and [[Mass Debating|masturbating]] while thinking about women; on the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked, makes a practice of meditating upon ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' in order to keep himself straight, and [[semen|he drinks his own semen every time he masturbates]]. Most likely, Chris is either a.) a homophobic straight guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he's an idiot, b.) a homophobic bi-curious guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he personally has homoerotic fantasies that he desperately tries to suppress, or c.) too immature to have a real sexual preference, so he ends up overdoing his straightness.

; Is he a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]]?
: Definite maybe. He states that he does not consider himself one<ref>[[Sarah_Reveals_Herself#Chris_tries_to_leave|Chris admits to Sarah May that he is slightly turned on by Rosechu, though he maintains he is not a furry.]]</ref>, though he admits to being turned on by [[Rosechu]] (not as much as a human female, natch), has drawn [[Rule 34]] artwork of his characters, and has depicted himself as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] having sex with a furry version of his ex-[[sweetheart]] [[Ivy]]. He is a furry in the sense that he clearly derives enjoyment from sexualized anthropomorphic animal characters, and personally identifies with a particular anthro character; he is not a furry in the sense that he does not participate in the wider furfag community. Lucky bastards.

; Is he a [[pedofork|pedophile]]?
: Probably not, but people imply otherwise to troll him. One of the few kind things [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] said about Chris in a [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|troll Q&A thread]] was that he probably wasn't a pedophile and that people are trying too hard with that. However, given that he [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|stares at a poster with a six-year-old anime girl on it to stay straight]], the fact that he got [[CWC's Second Message|furious]] when accused of being a pedophile (similarly to how he becomes hostile when being accused of being a [[homo]] or having [[Asperger's]]), and the fact that [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally jailbait engaging in sexual activity (and even by current [[Sonichu canon|''Sonichu'' canon]], Rosechu was underage when she married Sonichu), there's an argument to be made. He also has stated he would like to [[Mailbag 3#In which Chris advises Hitler to keep his Promises|lower his state's legal age of consent to sixteen]], but this is more likely due to his inability to move past [[high school]] than latent pedophilia. In short, he's not a baby fucker, but he'll play ball if grass is on the field.

; Is Chris a crossdresser? A transvestite? Does he want a sex change?
: Many people ask this after seeing the [[Tomgirl Pictures]]. From what can be gathered, Chris is, in fact, a crossdresser. He has been known to wear women's clothing, [[Muscle_bra|bras]] and even his own mother's underwear. On multiple occasions, he has worn female clothing [[Forgot the Glitter|in public]]. He believes that he is a [[Tomgirl|"tomgirl"]], and he somehow thinks this is attractive to [[Boyfriend-free girl|potential sweethearts]]. Chris is not a transvestite, however (at least from what we know) and his harsh stance on [[Homos|homosexuals]] will likely prevent him from ever becoming one. This also means a sex change is extremely unlikely. However, [[Mumble 1|Chris has mentioned]] that if he were ever to "become" homosexual, he would have a sex change.

==''Sonichu''==

; What's the deal with ''[[Sonic]]'', anyway?
: He has always liked kids' games, and has won a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sega contest]] that allowed him to stock up on ''Sonic'' titles. ''Sonic'' appears to have certain qualities that attract autistics more than other game series.

; Where can I find the uncensored images from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]?
: [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|Here]], you sick fuck.

==Contact Chris==

; I want to e-mail Chris and pretend to be [[Megan]]/[[Jimmy Hill]]/[[Jesus]]/[[Michael Snyder]]. Can I have his e-mail?
: It's ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com. But srsly, Chris doesn't read his e-mails. He [[Kacey Call 23|told Kacey]]: ''"I don't even bother to open their e-mails. So I just expand on the e- on the sender's address and then add them to my block list."''

; What are his dox?
: Chris goes through his mail and supposedly filters out [[troll]] letters. [[Barb|His mother]] does likewise, though she sometimes reads the content but disregards it as something she already knows. If you think writing a handwritten letter (or doing something lulzy) to Chris or his mother will somehow force him to read it and convince Chris to change the errors of his ways, you are almost certainly out of luck.

: Likewise, with Chris's phone; generally, they let it go to the answering machine since so many trolls call. Before his untimely demise, [[Bob]] would pick up the phone and keep track of who called for legal reasons. Chris will generally not answer his cellphone unless it's a number he recognizes.

: But if you insist, you can find them [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|here]] and [[dox|here]].

==Miscellaneous==

; What does he smell like?
: According to [[Emily]], "rotten watermelons." According to [[Robert Simmons V]], a variant of the [[Colossal Chan|homeless person]] stank. According to field agents, body odor masked with gallons of [[Axe]]. Point is, [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|Chris smells awful]].

; What's the deal with Chris's [[Heterochromia|eyes]]?
: According to Chris, his eyes were originally blue but he got pink eye in his right eye and medication for it turned it green. However, on examination his eyes are faintly different and definitely not to the degree that they're depicted in his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic form]].

; What's the deal with the shirts he always wears?
: Many of Chris's shirts were bought by [[Barbara|his mother]] from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.<ref>[[Mailbag 42|Mailbag #42]]</ref>

; What's the deal with the [[Shirt#Wrist warmer|yellow thing]] on the back of the [[Medallion of Fail|medallion]] chain?
: It's a Wilson wrist warmer he wears because the chain irritates his skin<ref>E-mail from Chris posted in old PVCC thread #162
</ref> — probably due to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a common trait in [[autism]].

; Does Chris drink or do drugs?
: Chris is firmly against [[Tobacky|smoking]] and drug abuse. As far as [[Alcohol|drinking]] is concerned, Chris used to be against it as well, but in an ironic twist, video of him drinking a [[semen|salty]]-tasting [[Long Island Iced Tea]] later surfaced, and it appears he's [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the alcohol ban]] in [[CWCville]], making him a waffler. Given this was self-serving, it should surprise no one. He has also been known to drink [[6 June 2010|Budweiser]] and [[100 2281|Kahlúa]].

; Was [[Ivy]] imaginary?
: No. She was a real "fan" who wanted a shout-out in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. See [[Ivy Q&A]] for more info.

; I'm a complete moron, and I keep reading on [[ED]] and [[YouTube]] that [[Ivy]] is his sex doll. Is this so?
: No. His [[Sex toys|sex dolls]] are [[Kimmi]], [[Officer Nasty]], Booty-Licious, and Yumi. Kimmi has acted as a prop representing Ivy in some videos, hence the confusion, but Ivy is most definitely real and was in contact with Chris. Disregard anything you read on either ED or YouTube. The [[CWCki]] is the only [[TRUE and HONEST]] source for Chris-related material.

; What's this about Chris hating ''[[Harry Potter]]''?
: As Chris mentions [[Mailbag_7#Harry Potter: total spaz|here]] and [[Mumble 2|here]], Chris pretty much hated it since it was "competition" for ''[[Pokémon]]''. However, he did own a PSone ''Harry Potter'' game, and his stance softened under [[Jackie]]'s influence.

; What's this about Jimmy Hill?
: [[Jimmy Hill]] was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sycophant Squad (S.A.S.S.), but disintegrated in [[November 2008]] at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his [[Sonichu]] character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This is one of very few recorded examples of Chris realizing that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it. Despite this, he still has a grudge against Jimmy Hill, leaving him in the final version of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] from [[December 2009]].

: Of note, Jimmy Hill passed the "rights" to Sonichu in Europe to [[Liquid Chris|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].

; Why does Chris call his welfare check a "[[monthly tugboat]]"?
: Basically, it's a very weird contortion of the phrase "Our ship has come in," referring to a fortuitous event. Whereas winning the lottery is like a large cruise ship coming in, for Chris, getting $809 a month for sitting on his ass is like a small boat — like a [[Wikipedia:Tugboat|tugboat]] — coming in for him.

; Where does Chris currently publish new content?
: Chris's current [[YouTube]] channel is [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler ChristianWChandler]. He deleted all of his videos, save one ([[100 2357.MOV|his farewell message]]), in [[November 2010]] but began uploading videos again in August 2011. After this account was suspended for attempted blackmail, new YouTube videos began to appear on [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCvilleProductions CWCvilleProductions]. He occasionally puts stuff up on [[Facebook]].

:Chris's [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|original website]] is dead, as is his wiki, the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris hasn't written a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic since [[February 2010]] and is unlikely to ever do another one.

; Where can I learn more about this guy?
: Well, right here at [[CWCki|this fine wiki]], of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, I would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the [[Megan|Megan Saga and the release of the e-mail correspondence between the two]]. Other resources include:

:* [http://cwcki.forumer.com The CWCki Forum] the official forum of this fine wiki
:* [[/cwc/]] imageboard
:* [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu (IRC chat)]]
:* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] (not quite as reliable)

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Special]]

Mumble 10

2012-07-17T02:22:50Z

ChinaChan: Grammar fixed, spelling fixed, added the aftermath with the trolls talking

'''Mumble 10''' is the tenth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]], held on 23 [[February 2009]].

{{quote|I can tell in my heart that Julie is 19. I'm sure that Max can vouch for her age.|Chris}}

The [[Trolls|loyal fanbase]] tries to persuade Chris to travel to Cleveland to rescue Julie from the clutches of her evil brother, Max. Chris (and his mother) have some doubts, mostly that it is a sting operation in the manner of ''[[Wikipedia:To Catch a Predator|To Catch a Predator]]'' (which had stopped filming by 2009). One of the trolls tries to tell Chris an anecdote about independence and asserting yourself to gain the respect of your parents as you grow up, but Chris interrupts him and talks over his story. At the end of the chat, [[Clyde Cash]] comes in to intimidate Chris and reassure him that [[Julie]] is in his headquarters, being [[hanky panky|taken care of]]

==Summary==
* Trolls talk on an unrelated subject before Chris arrives.
* Chris says that [[Max]] took Julie to HQ, and asks if he could be hurt or jailed for going to pick her up. Trolls aren't sure.
* None of them have heard of HQ.
* Chris has five days to pick Julie up from [[The Miscreants|Miscreant]] HQ in Cleveland, Ohio.
* A troll says that [[Clyde]] is testing Chris's love for [[Julie]], and he should go.
* Chris whines about the 400-mile (650 km), seven-hour drive.
* He's "feeling insecure" about the trip. Even though he's an adult, he should respect his parents' wishes.
* A troll says that no force can keep true love apart.
* It's [[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]] tomorrow, he was born at 5:30 in the morning.
* '''Chris says that love is priceless, but he has to do all the work to get to Cleveland.'''
* His [[Barb|mum]] will say not to go, and is worried. He can't convince her to let him go.
* '''Barb is jealous of Chris loving another woman more than her. He has to respect her wishes.'''
* '''His parents pay for his gas. [[Son-Chu]] is Barb's car.'''
* Chris was born at 5:30 EST at [[Wikipedia:Martha Jefferson Hospital|Martha Jefferson Hospital]], [[Charlottesville]].
* Barb is worried about Chris being set up to be hurt or turned into the police.
* She said the same thing when he was going to visit Blanca - She could be [[pedofork|underaged]] and Chris could be arrested.
* '''Chris can tell in his heart that Julie is 19. Max can vouch for her age. In her scanned ID picture, the year was blurred out.'''
* Trolls compare ''To Catch a Predator'' - The person always tells the suspect that they are underage. Chris wouldn't be charged, as they all know Julie is 19.
* Chris leaves.
* Chris returns. Max cackles evilly. Sounds like canned laughter. This makes Chris suspicious about the trip.
* Max is watching ''[[Family Guy]]''. Chris gets distracted and starts talking about the episode, saying he loves it.
* [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral is later; he can't go now.
* Trolls say that this is a birthday test from God and he should go. Chris insists on talking to his mom first.
* Max has intercepted the [[sex tape|video]] that Chris made for Julie. '''The girl who told him this says that Julie is also a troll.'''
* The trolls say that this can't be true. Chris agrees.
* '''He believes in her, Julie is a wonderful sweet 19 year old who wrote him a very nice letter and sent it in the mail with pictures that her friend took.'''
* A troll says that Julie wouldn't be a troll, she's been trolled her whole life by the Georgian government.
* Chris researched Georgia when looking for [[Molvanîa]]. A troll says that his schoolbooks had a map of Molvanîa.
* The troll no longer has a map, he had to burn his schoolbooks to heat his house.
* Chris has seen a map of Molvanîa, but not its surrounding countries.
* Max says he isn't a troll.
* Wait, Chris misread. He is a troll.
* A troll references [[Mumble 9.5]]. Chris says that they got to him emotionally so he can't remember the details.
* The trolls can't do anything about Max. He is a bad boy. One suggests googling [[The Miscreants]].
* A troll makes a joke. Chris laughs, says that it's funny, but says he isn't in the mood to laugh.
* A troll asks Chris if he can tell a story. Chris interrupts: "Sure. Once upon a time..."
* Chris is looking at The Miscreants' website.
* Chris looks over Miscreant operatives and operations, detailing various acts of trolling against him. He seems to have minimal reaction to this list of various 'friends' and what they were assigned to get from him.
* [[PandaHalo]] being alive yields no response.
* The trolls says that nothing on the site is too bad. The Miscreants are either afraid of or testing Chris.
* Chris says that the [[ED]] page stops him from getting a job.
* Chris thanks the trolls for their input. He'll update his mom and ask for gas money.
* The trolls says that he needs to assert himself against his mother; she should respect him on his birthday.
* Chris says today is [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral, so he has to wait to get his and his mum's emotions out of the way before he puts his foot down.
* [[Clyde]] enters, sings happy birthday to 'Mister [[Sonichu]]'.
* Chris asks if he's going to be hurt or arrested when he goes to Cleveland.
* Clyde says he only wants to make sure he will never touch a woman; as he's not a man. He welcomes Chris to Miscreant HQ.
* Chris is going to talk to his mom and will come to Cleveland in the next few days.
* Clyde says he's doing this because Chris is a terrible person.
* Julie is not a captive, she's having the time of her life.
* Chris is off to eat and rest for the funeral. Clyde will send chocolates. Chris will talk to his mum after the funeral.

==Transcript==

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his Oedipus complex}}

'''Fan 1''': From what I read there's a way to take ownership of the files that are unaccounted for. 
'''Chris''': um... Hey everybody, I have- I have a-I have a question. 
'''High-pitched Fan''': Umm, sure!

'''Chris''': From my understanding Max took Julie over to what is called "HQ". 
'''Fan 3''': Headquarters? 
'''Chris''': Yeah. And uh, yeah. And uh, Clyde is setting things up over there. So uh, just wanna know uh, is Clyde planning on, like, to hurt me or get me into jail or anything like that if I go over to Cleveland to pick up Julie myself over at the HQ? 
'''Fan''': I dunno. 
'''High-pitched Fan''': I'm not sure, I'm just doing homework. 
'''Fan''': Uh hey, let me fix something here. Hold on a minute. 
'''Chris''': Alright, so nobody here knows, knows uh, has anybody here actually been to this HQ? This headquarters? 
'''Fan''': I don't even know what that is, I just got here 15 minutes ago. 
'''Fan''': I don't know what that is. 
'''High-pitched Fan''': I just got here, too. I'm doing homework right now. 
'''Chris''': ''[sigh]'' Ahhhh...yeah, uh, Max, Julie's brother, uh, pretty much spirited away Julie, took her to the HQ, to the Headquarters, where The Miscreants, I think they were called are, and now, uh, Max wants me to come over to Cleveland within the next five days to pick up Julie from the Headquarters. And I'm just trying to find out, uh, if Clyde is planning, if he's uh, going to put me, going to try to force me in jail or hurt me or anything like that. 
'''Fan''': Hmmm. 
'''Fan''': Hmmm. 
'''High-pitched Fan''': That would be unfortunate. 
'''1Fan''': I highly doubt it. 
'''Chris''': Highly doubt it. 
'''1Fan''': From what it seems Clyde is just trying to scare you. 
'''Chris''': I see. 
'''Fan''': Yeah, I think he's lying. 
'''1Fan''': I think that if you actually go up there it would show him that you are very serious about, you know, your feelings towards Julie, I had a whole big list of things I was about to say now and they just went boom. So to just to the chase here I'd just say go for it. And I'm pretty sure, if anything, Clyde would actually shake your hand and say, "Congratulations, you've finally done it." 
'''Fan''': Yeah, you should go and show him that you truly care about your sweetheart. 
'''Chris''': ''[sigh]'' Ok. ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you see, one thing is, uh, I mean I-I understand is that it's like a 400 mile 7 hour drive, according to MapQuest, between my address and... Max's address? But, yeah well Julie is living with Max, her older brother. Yeah, but anyway I was, anyway I was, still feeling like insecure about the trip, especially since like uh, you know even though I am an adult, I should respect my mother's and my father's wishes. And uh, still a little bit on the, you know, still gonna need a few-few dollars to get me to uh, Cleveland. 
'''1Fan''': Chris, I'm gonna say this. 
'''Chris''': Yes. I'm listening. 
'''1Fan''': If you truly love someone. Truly in your heart love someone, no force in the world, be it distance, be it a physical obstacle, anything, can stop you from being with that person. And protecting that person that you care about that much. This is one of life's little tests, Chris. And you need to take it head on. 
'''Fan''': Yeah. And I guess in less than 20 minutes you'll be 27. 
'''1Fan''': Happy birthday, by the way. 
'''Chris''': Actually, actually, thank you, actually, I was born at 5:30 in the morning. [long pause] Actually I understand love is priceless. But you gotta understand that there are limits on uh, on the distance. I mean love is priceless, but you know, I have to do all the work to uh, get there. 
'''Fan''': Chris? Chris, what kind of mileage does your car get? 
'''Chris''': 35 highway. 25 city. 
'''High-pitched fan''': That's pretty good! 
'''Fan''': I wouldn't worry about it. And if you do get caught in some kind of trouble there are nice people out there,someone can help you. You have a cell phone, right? 
'''Chris''': Um, ok. Yeah. 
'''Fan''': There you go! You have no problem, man. 
'''Chris''': Yeah listen, that's another thing, that my mom, y'know my mom is like you know, she's gonna be telling me, don't go, don't go, I worry about you, and she [[Obesity|watches a lot of television]] and it's like I'm trying, I've been trying, to get her to let me go to Julie in Cleveland... 
'''Fan''': Chris, I-I think you have to show your mom that you truly love Julie. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, but my- then my mom is also a bit jealous of me loving-a loving another woman... more than her. I mean I know, I mean I understand she's in a situation like, "cut the umbilical cord" you would say, I'm sure. But still, I have to respect my mother, very much. 
'''1Fan''': Well, Chris, you, you pay them for your room and board, right? 
'''Chris''': Yeah. 
'''1Fan''': Is there anything they do to support you that you don't pay for? Other than just,you know, their moral support. 
'''Chris''': They uh, they give me food, and they uh, they also pay for my gas as well. And plus the [[Son-Chu|car I drive]] is actually my mother's car. 
'''Fan''': Oh... 
'''1Fan''': Sorry, I gotta use voice activity because I'm tired of pressing my button here. And I'm gonna go on a rant here. Chris, I'm going to tell you a little story. Um, I've had the same problem back when I was younger, but, it was back when I was 18... 
'''Chris''': ''[Interrupts]'' Alright but uh, alright... 
'''1Fan''': When I turned 18. Let me tell you this, because it's very relevant to the situation. 
'''Chris''': Let me just say, uh, a thing though. It's like, I don't want to leave home without saying goodbye, though. That's not the kind of person I am. It's like I want to give my mom at least a notice-amount of time that, like, y'know, I'm going over to Cleveland, and I wanna uh, make sure I have uh, her uh, consent, like you know, she's saying "it's alright, have a safe trip, come back soon." It's not like uh, I mean at this point she's like uh, she doesn't want me to go. But I'm just sayin'. Hey, unmute the rascal, please. 
'''1Fan''': ''[Laughs once]'' 
'''Muffled Fan''': It was just echo. 
'''Chris''': Oh uh, I'm sorry. Anyway I'm done, you understood me there, rascal, right? 
'''Troll''': It's 5:30 in the morning where, exactly? 
'''Chris''': 5:30 Eastern Standard Time I was born in [[Honest Content|Martha Jefferson Hospital]] in [[Charlottesville]]. 
'''Fan''': Thank you! 
'''Other fan''': That's what I needed. 
'''1Fan''': Ok. [pauses] 
'''Muffled Fan''': You know, a little bit of planning if it's only gonna be so many days, you're only gonna spend this much money [inaudible] it's-it's really not hard to plan a trip, I've taken tons. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, but also, you know she does worry about me and I could be set up to be hurt, or turned into the police and arrested when I get there. 
'''Fan''': What would you have to do to be taken by the police? 
'''Chris''': Yeah, but also, uh, same thing happened before when I was about to go to [[Blanca]]. My mom didn't want me to go because it could have been a setup, like she would have been setting me up, like she would have been [[Pedofork|underaged]], and then right there I'd be turned into the police. 
'''Fan''': That's entrapment, Chris. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, but y'know, I can tell in my heart that Julie is 19. I mean, I'm sure that Max can vouch for her age. Because you know, even though she did send me her ID, her scanned ID as an image, her birthdate is blurred out. So it's hard to tell the year. 
'''Fan''': Besides Chris, have you ever seen ''[[Wikipedia:To Catch a Predator|To Catch a Predator]]?'' Whenever they do their sting operations, they always have their fake underage boy or girl, whatever, always tells the person multiple times that they are not of legal age, it's like "Oh yeah, you know I'm 13 right?" And the person doesn't care. Which is why they get caught with child pornography or whatever charges they get caught on. 
'''Chris''': Alright, well, she repeatedly told me, she repeatedly informed me she was 19. 
'''Fan''': So if it was in fact a sting operation of some kind, you would be charged with nothing. Because you were not told she was underage. Besides, all of us already know she actually is 19. 
'''Fan''': Mmm hm. 
'''Chris''': Alright. Yeah. Yeah. Wait a moment, I'll be right back, okay? I'll be right back. 
'''High-pitched troll''': Anyone know how to do quadratic equations? 
'''Fan''': I haven't done those since I was in high school. I don't remember. 
'''Chris''': ''[Sound of Chris clumsily sitting back down at his computer and letting out a small sigh]'' I just went downstairs to see if I could bring my mom up here so she could talk to y'all but she's asleep right now. 
'''Max''': ''[Diabolical laughter]'' 
'''Fan''': What the? 
'''Chris''': Wait a minute, just a moment ago did I just hear Max, who quotes himself as being named Julie's brother, did he just give an evil laugh? 
'''Fan''': I think so. 
'''Fan''': Looks like it. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, so that just brings up some suspicion right there. I mean I'm just doing... you did not have to mute him to hear what he had to say! Oh, he just told me on Skype he's watching [[Family Guy]]. 
'''Fan''': Which episode? 
'''Chris''': He says "Mine... thing is on voice activated" Oh, it's the one... oh, I love that episode! It's the one where Meg sings. Becomes a pop star. Gets a makeover. 
'''High-pitched troll''': Oh, I remember that one! 
'''Chris''': Yeah, I have that episode downloaded on my [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]. 
'''Fan''': Chris, now is probably the best time if you're gonna actually go and do this, to do it. I know your mom's asleep, but... 
'''Chris''': I cannot do it now, I have to go to my aunt Corina's funeral this afternoon. 
'''1Fan''': True. It's just kind of part of life. In a sense. 
'''Fan''': God is testing you on your 27th birthday, Chris. 
'''Chris''': ''[sigh]'' He's tested me before on the same situation as well. But yeah I guess I should talk to my mom better about that. You know tell her that I'll let her know that I have been assured numerously that it's not a setup. I mean even Max will back me up on that. 
'''1Fan''': Chris, what if she says no? 
'''Chris''': Really. Hmm. Really. Hmm. So what you're saying here is all the times I've received calls from trolls, telling me to F-off, or I'm a S-head, they've just been basically wanting me to prove myself and not out to hurt me or anything. 
'''Fan''': Did you receive any calls today or something? 
'''Chris''': Yeah. It's just that I received a call earlier, and that's where I learned Max found [[Sex tape|the video I sent to Julie of her own consent]], she asked me to send her a video, and then you see, he said it got uploaded to YouTube, so I assume that uh, I mean at first I was shocked but then realized that since her brother, uh, Max was a troll at himself at one point or another that he probably found it and uploaded it. 
'''Fan''': Um, Chris. 
'''Chris''': And also, on that note, the girl who called me to tell me about that, uh, accused Julie of being a troll herself on that note. 
'''Fan''': Was she? She can't be a troll. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, I know. I believed- I mean, I believe in Julie and I still believe in her that she is not a troll, and that she is a wonderful, sweet caring 19-year-old, who wrote me, who hand-wrote me a very nice letter, and sent it to me in the mail, and sent me her printed pictures that her friend took of her. 
'''Fan''': Yeah. Yeah. She wouldn't be interested in trolling. She's been trolled all her life by the Georgian government. Based on what she told me. 
'''Chris''': I'm sorry could you repeat that? 
'''Fan''': She doesn't have time to be a troll, she's been trolled all her life by the Georgian government. 
'''Chris''': The Georg- OH, the country of Georgia. Yeah, I did research on that when I was trying to find Molvanîa on a map. 
'''Screwhead''': It's weird, my books, my old books have Molvanîa on the maps. 
'''Fan''': You couldn't find it? 
'''Chris''': So wait a minute Screwhead, you're saying that you have a book, that has Molvanîa? 
'''Fan''': That's funny, I was told it was unrecognized. 
'''Screwhead''': I have old books, but maybe the Mexican government is to recognize a country. You know, different from the American government. 
'''Chris''': Say, Screwhead, can you uh, can you uh, darn the echo, but anyway, could you find on the internet, a map of Molvanîa and its neighboring countries? I mean because I can tell right now that it's been neighboring Georgia. From what I understand, from what Julie told me, and her other friend told me as well. 
'''Screwhead''': Chris, you know that Mexico's not a very developed country. It didn't have internet until a couple years ago. So I'm pretty sure that... 
'''Chris''': ''[Loudly interrupts]'' Yeah, I understand that, I understand, I also understand that Molvanîa's 50 miles radius. 
'''Fan''': So I don't think I can find it. The old books are long gone. We had to burn them because we had to heat our house with fire, and we had to burn them. 
'''Chris''': [[Chris and remorse|Oh, that's sad,]] but I'm talkin' 'bout, you know, I'm asking if you know where I can find a map like you had in your books on the internet. 
'''1Fan''': You would just have to look around, I would assume. 
'''Chris''': You know what, I did internet searches, but it's like I find a map of Molvanîa, the country, but I'm not finding a map of Molvanîa and its ''neighboring'' countries. 
'''Fan''': I'm so sorry Chris but I don't think I can find it, I don't think there's a scan or something of the book, it's like, a schoolbook or something and they change every year, it's, I don't think so, sorry. 
'''Chris''': I see. Um, but listen, Max is telling me that he is not a troll and he uh, ask y'all what they think, because he said that y'all don't seem to care. 
'''Fan''': Mmm. I dunno. 
'''Chris''': Oh, oh. He said tell them that he ''is'' a troll. I misread it. 
'''Fan''': Uh... 
'''Fan''': Chris, you said that some trolls came in here earlier. What did they tell you? 
'''Chris''': Clyde was a [client?] among that group. Whole buncha stuff. They got to me emotionally. So it's hard for me to remember the details. 
'''Fan''': Oh. I see. I'm sorry, Chris. You should enforce security on this channel. 
'''1Fan''': Did you get any calls from the trolls today? 
'''Chris''': Yeah but ayway. Just answer Max's question, he sent, you know, he is a troll, and what you think, because y'all don't seem to care what he's saying here. 
'''1Fan''': What's he gonna do? 
'''Fan''': We can't do anything. 
'''High-pitched Troll''': He's a bad boy. 
'''Fan''': He's a bad boy, but I don't think you can do anything about that. 
'''Chris''': I told them what you did, Max. About spirting away Julie. To headquarters. To your headquarters. 
'''1Fan''': Chris, like I said earlier this is them testing you. We really can't do much but give you our support. 
'''Fan''': Mmm hm. 
'''1Fan''': We can sit there and shout at the trolls all we want, but, in the end, this is up to you, man. ''You'' have to go out and do something. ''You've'' got to get her back. 
'''Fan''': This is the start of a new life for you. In about six hours. 
'''Chris''': Oh, he said you'd prefer if I can call it ''Miscreant'' Headquarters. ''[Chris gets confused]'' Oh, actually he says ''he'd'' prefer it if I called it Miscreant Headquarters. 
'''1Fan''': ''[Mock contempt]'' I don't care what they are. 
'''Fan''': You could Google it. It's like an organization, right? Maybe they have a web page or something 
'''Chris''': ''[General sighing noises]'' 
'''Fan''': Rascal is not interested. 
'''1Fan''': Rascal is more interested in things like soda. 
''[Laughter from the Trolls and Chris]'' 
'''Chris''': That's a little funny. I'm just not in the mood to laugh right now. 
'''1Fan''': Well, I mean, we don't blame you. It's kinda a serious situation you're in right now. 
'''Fan''': I think I found the website. Hold on a second. 
'''Chris''': Uh, don't worry about looking it. He told me to Google it, so I'm loading my web browser now. 
'''Fan''': It's ''[unintelligible]'' only. I don't know if you can find it, really. 
'''1Fan''': Chris, can I tell you a story? 
'''Chris''': Alright, once upon a time... 
'''1Fan''': It's not really a 'Once upon a time' kinda story. I meant to tell you this earlier, but I mean I got kinda cut off. 
'''Chris''': I understand, so, uh, what's the story? 
'''1Fan''': I was in a similar situation as you. Um, not as serious as this but still in the whole case of um, y'know, having conflicting interests between parents and my own personal interests. Um, basically what it ended up with was, I left my house. Um, I had just turned eighteen and I didn't feel that a rule that was set by my parents was too logical, in a sense. It's like you can't enforce home rule- like, parental rules on a child if he's not a child anymore. So I was told "don't come home." So I didn't. I stayed out of the house for almost a week. I survived off of twenty dollars, and stayed at a friend's house. Kept going to school and everything. Um, and one day my mom called me crying, apologizing for putting me through that. And since then she's had nothing but respect for me. Because she knows that if she were to do that again I could easily survive. And now you're in the same situation right now. Your mom is holding you back, she's holding you from getting what you want, getting what you need. And you really need to... you really need to break that. You need to cut that cord. And its gonna hurt at first, yeah. It's gonna hurt both of you. But once it's over with... 
'''Chris''': ''[sighs heavily]'' 
'''1Fan''': ...things will be much better, and you will both be so much happier, and you will have Julie. 
'''Chris''': I see. Yeah. Alright. Yeah I just put up, I just co-I just put up a link to the route myself, it's the miscreant page I just found. 
''[pause]'' 
'''Chris''': ''[sigh]'' 
'''Fan''': Found something? ''[pause]'' Oh...oh. 
'''Chris''': Oh 
'''F1''': Their leader is a cat 
'''F2''': hahaha 
'''Chris''': A cat? 
'''F2''': Yeah 
'''F1''': I (something) these guys seriously because their leader is a cat 
'''F2''': Yeah, their leader is a kitty. A fluffy kitty with a person (something) 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Well this... You Know that's funny because uh... Yes I'm not seeing the cat on the uh what I'm having, but I'm reading both the link I copy and pasted from the skype window and the link the he posted, that max himself typed in and it's the same thing. and uh I'm not seeing the cat 
'''Chris''': Oh 
'''F2''': Yeah, that's what we're looking at 
'''Chris''': Oh, yeah I see that 
'''F3''': Looks like they're pretty organized, you know this troll 
'''F1''': Look at their code names 
'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm checking out their operations, let's see. Um. [begins to read from the site] Alright operations E, say. Operative Evan. Status alive and enjoying life. Go test the waters of the one known as chris chan notable accomplishments. Yeah uhh 
'''Chris''': Masturbating and Squirting 
'''F2''': Hmmm 
'''Chris''': Then operation J, that's Jason. Alive and having sex, Compile information on the one known as Chris Chan. hacking the emails. Then operation B. Blanca. Alive and smoking. test the vulnerability of the one known as Chris chan. Destroy the medallion. Operation P, Panda. Alive and at my side, discovered a sexual nature. Gained a free PSP. I sent her that from my own heart. It was a pink PSP that I had originally gotten it for Megan but then she dumped me and I just held on to it for a while and I uh sent it to her so... shoot 
'''F3''': Chris, are this true, did this really happen to you? 
'''Chris''': uh what? 
'''F3''': The things that they say they've done here, they're pretty awful you know 
'''Chris''': Uh yeah, Uh yeah some, yea most of which yeah, and then opera- operative L, uhh name lord, public name, uhh, name, say that, uhh name the lord and in practice he says the female, and then the public name the man in the pickle suit, status unknown know operatives, get-obtain sensitive documents of the one known as chris chan, and a notable accomplishment, getting nude pictures and a dvd. Known as operative L. I mean how can I see these at uhh on the website here that I'm looking at. The uh miscreants page that I uh, that the link is on, on the side here yeah I'm looking at that website. I just read you the four operations and the operative that they had 
'''F2''': hmmm (something) 
'''F2''': the cat with a person (something) in it 
'''F3''': It's a cute cat 
'''High Pitch Fan''': It's adorable 
'''Chris''': It's a cat, that's all I was going to say 
'''Chris''': Uh it's probably from a movie or something, or it could be a youtube video, or any generic gif 
'''Chris''': [''Typing''] hmm so anyway those of y'all who just saw this web pa- uh this website, d'y'all still feel that they're (burp) scuse me, d'y'all still feel that uh 
'''F1''': [''Interrupting'']That they're harmless? 
'''Chris''': d'y'all still feel, well yeah they're harmless for one thing but uh, basically if they're just testing me they want me to come out there and that they're not gonna do any harm to me 
'''F1''': from looking at their operations, what have they done that's really that serious, They've had, I mean they have all this information on you right, they could have done so much worse to you in the past and they still haven't done it, either they're afraid of you or they're trying to just test you, I'm going to go with just test you 
'''Chris''': Uhh yeah but yeah but y'all did see the Ed Page, 
Fans either say yes or no 
'''Chris''': That is pretty much the majority of the work there with those documents, and uh information 
'''F4''': I avoid it, 
'''F2''': Yeaahhh you got to forget about it 
'''F4''': I avoid it because ed is ''[Chris is heard over the top here with a loud AHHHHHHH]'' by ed shitheads 
'''F2''': what's done is done, you must move on 
'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm just saying they have done something, they done things with that information, I'm suppose you're right they could of done worse but you know the worse their doing is preventing me from getting a job because that ED page is practically the first thing now days that's looked up when you punch in my name in a google search or any related search, search... uh search sites 
''''Chris'': sigh, well I appreciate y'all's input so let me just see if I remember what I've learned, yeah, I should definitely, try to, let my, try to (something) let my mum know that I'm going to pick up Julie, that I should tell here that I should be back in like a certain amount of timer or uh days 
'''F1''': It shouldn't take you more than two days, it's true 
'''Chris''': Yeah that's depending, that's depending if I start in the morning, anyway yeah in addition to that I should definitely that I have her, that I have the continual monetary support. But I ah because you know I'm still going to need the money for the gas to and fro. And (something) expense and the wealth of money I could (something) 
'''F1''': Chris what you just need to worry about now is asserting yourself towards your mother, you really gotta put your foot down man 
''[F2 and F1 talk over each other for a bit]'' 
'''F1''': She's gotta respect you on your birthday, it's your special day man. 
'''Chris''': Yeah but it's also, but this yeah it's also my Aunt Corina's day because it's her funeral, so I gotta let that pass before it and get my emotions and let her get her emotions outta the way and then i can put my foot down. Hello Clyde. Yeah yeah, Hello to Clyde. 
'''F4''': oh wait Clyde's here 
'''F2''': Uh ohhh 
'''Clyde''': (''Brooding and slow'') Happy Birthday...to you. Happy birthday...to you. Happy birthday...Mr. Sonichu. Happy birthday...to you 
'''F2''': Ohhhhh dear... 
'''Chris''': Alright, well listen Clyde, I've just been- I-I've waiting patiently and talking to these...nice people here. But anyway, I just wanted to hear from you that uh, you know, I come pick up Julie. I'm not gonna, I just wanted to hear from you that I'm not gonna get harmed, or turned into the police, or anything like that. 
'''Clyde''': Of course not! We-we're just gonna make sure that you never, ever, ever, you know (''long pause'') uhh I've been drinking...anyway! Never touch a woman because uh you know, you're not a man 
'''Chris''': Uhh yeah, but basically I'm allowed to pick up Julie over at you headquarters? 
'''Clyde''': Sure! If you can do that, I dunno if you can drive or anything. Driving must be pretty hard for you (''snorts'') 
'''Chris''': Yeah well I can...yeah, well I just...as I have told these uh, nice people, uh...yeah, I'm going to uh, talk to my mother some more and uh, put my foot down, and uh you know uh...you know, make my own- and hopefully I'll get uh I'll ha-uh have the money on me for the gas that I need for the trip. And uh...you know, within the next few days I WILL come down to Cleveland and pick up Julie myself. 
'''Clyde''': Well, bring your love man, because love's like...love's like... a bunch of stuff...you know? 
'''F5''': Clyde, Clyde why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? 
'''Clyde''': Why am I doing this? Maaaan. Well uh yeah well. Because Chris is a terrible person, he's like lied to me and stuff. Like, yeah. 
'''F5''': He's not a terrible person, he's my hero! 
'''Clyde''': (''Overlapping with Chris'')Well, you have a terrible friggin' hero. Pick superman. Superman's awesome. 
'''Chris''': (''Overlapping with Clyde'') Yeah well but uh let me see if I can put it more simpler terms, as uh, compared to what all y'all nice people have uh, described for me. Clyde, you have...you just basically just want to test me for being a true person, and that's why you're holding Julie captive in your "headquarters". 
'''Clyde''': She's not really captive, she's having the time of her life! We've given her every god damn loving you couldn't provide (''Evil laughter'') 
'''Chris''': Well, anyway uh...you basically want me to test my uh, love for-love for Julie's. And uh so (''pause'') and uh you just want me to finally show that [[Tomgirl|I'm a man]], and that I can uh...stand up myself and do what I want like a man should. And uh, that's tha-basically it in a nutshell, isn't it? 
'''Clyde''': (''Lazily'') Sure, that's perfect. 
'''Chris''': Ok. Alright well listen I gotta go get [[McDonalds|something to eat]]. So uh...and then I should rest up for the funeral, sooo...so another time I'll come back into the mumble. But, you know, but (''background noise'') but shortly after, you know...shortly after I will, shortly after the funeral I will be coming down to uh Cleveland and I will pick Julie up, and I will uh, have her, have her and me spend a little time together, maybe at uh- maybe over at Max's house, and then I'll bring her back here. [[14 Branchland Court|To my house]]. 
'''Clyde''': Ok, if you do make it I'll give you a box of chocolates, okay? A box of chocolates! 
'''Chris''': Uh you don't have, you don't have to give me anything. Mmmm. Maybe just a handshake, and a promise that you'll uh, disband [[Miscreants|this organization]], and that you'll not do this anymore- 
'''Clyde''': [''Interrupting'']-sure bro. 
'''Chris''': Ok. Alright. Ok, we'll- I'll talk to my mom later and put my foot down, because right now she's sleeping, and then I have that funeral to worry about. So after the funeral, I will. (''Amidst background noise'') Talk to her and put my foot down. 
'''Clyde''': (''Slurring his words'') Alright bro, have fun. 
'''Chris''': Alright... yeah, ok, well. The majority of y'all take care and, you know, just...mingle amongst yourselves for now. Take--''[Chris is cut off]'' 
(''There is a short pause, followed by a sudden outbreak of noise from the trolls'') 
'''High-pitched Fan''': (''Simultaneous'') I didn't see the ending of that... 
'''Fan''': (''Simultaneous'') Fuck that faggot! 
'''Fan''': (''Simultaneous'') I can't believe that... 
'''Fan''': (''Simultaneous'') I'll break his GUTS! 
'''Hispanic Fan''': He's a fucking faggot! 
'''Fan''': Yeah. 
(''Lots of background noise: Clyde tries to speak overtop of them'') 
'''Clyde''': (''In perfect English, without a hint of slurring'') What if he does...if he pulls another shit like he did like [[Miyamoto emails|Redmond]] when he was like, "Oh yeah I just got back, and now Julie's laying in my bed, but I'm not gonna put her on camera! Hahahaha!" 
'''Fan''': Hey, Blue. Blue. 
'''Clyde''': I swear to god, the whole... 
'''BlueSpike''': What? (''Trolls speaks overtop of him'') Did you notice what I did? 
'''Fan''': Yeah! Dude, I was gonna say. Nice touch with the whole "Light Yagami" laugh thing. 
'''Fan''': Yeah, that was great. 
'''Clyde''': I was gonna give him a box of chocolates, man! A box of chocolates! 
'''Fan''': (''Annoyingly'') [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Box of chocolates!]] 

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 9.5|Mumble Chat 9.5]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 11|Mumble Chat 11]]|}}

==Links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?uwwmmnll2ny Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Template:PSNTracker

2012-06-25T18:16:38Z

ChinaChan:

<center>
[[Image:PSNTracker.png|PSN Activity tracker]] 
'''Chris''' was last spotted playing '''''[http://ca.ign.com/games/pure-chess/vita-123220| Pure Chess]'''''. 
Chris has spent over '''$6,127.64''' of [[monthly tugboat|YOUR money]]! 
Chris's [[PSN]] is '''Sonichu'''. You can see his profile [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu here].
</center>

<noinclude>[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

File talk:0467-CWC18th20.jpg

2012-06-16T17:56:02Z

ChinaChan: Created page with "Is it my imagination, or does it look like Barb is wearing a straight jacket? -- ~~~~"

Is it my imagination, or does it look like Barb is wearing a straight jacket? -- [[User:ChinaChan|ChinaChan]] 10:56, 16 June 2012 (PDT)

Kill De Jack

2012-05-21T21:15:44Z

ChinaChan: Managed to transcribe the mumbling part

"'''Kill De Jack'''" (officially "'''12252009 - KillDeJack.mp4'''") is a video uploaded on 25 [[December 2009]] where [[Chris]] calls for the murder of [[Jack Thaddeus]] on the feast of the Prince of Peace (which Chris admits is [[Chris and religion|"not very Christmassey"]]) and complains about the [[gay]] banner ads on CWCipedia and the [[20 December 2009|recent Times Square billboard]] where he's supposedly seen in a gay bar.

==Description==
{{quotebox|Down with Jack Thaddeus and his God Damn Homo Ads he has cast wrongfully on the Cwcipedia.

jackthethadius@yahoo.com; Plauge Him Back for his misdeeds!}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Kill De Jack
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hlVFsh8umuw}}
| stardate = 25 [[December 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{YellowRedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]]
| next = [[Download For Play Only]]
}}

{{quote|I have to cover a whole section of my computer with a piece of paper... so I don't have to look at those goddamn things!}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate: Christmas Day, 2009.

I'm not going to beat around the bush even though the title of the video is not very [[Christmas]]sey, I have to use [[PSEye|the camera that gives me skips]] in the audio because my camera's battery is being—is being so...

[''Chris raises his [[Claw of Fail|claw]] and sighs.'']

Anyway... I'm very angry at that [[Jack Thaddeus]]! He thinks he can get away with dragging the [[CWCipedia]] down into a hellhole with the... ads he put up there. [''sigh''] It makes me sick. EEERRRRRGGHHHH! [''pause, sigh''] Anyways, he thinks he's all high and mighty with that dang voices. [''switches to a [[Speech impediment|bizarre high-pitched voice]], which is hard to understand''] "Hey! Look at me! I'm friggin' Jack Thaddeus! I got an alliance with [[Clyde Cash]] and I do [[12 October 2009|crazy]] animation, but [''Chris begins to mumble''] [[Clyde Cash|he]] doesn't care about it because he doesn't do nothin' kablah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blahhhh!" Pfft. Anyway, [''sigh''] I'm so sick of him! Eerrrgh! I'm suck sick of those ads, and I'm not the only person who's sick of those goddamn ads.

Every last one of those... [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|homosexual ads]]... Argh! I'm so mad! Argh! You know, [''raises claw''] Jack Thaddeus is nothing but a snivelling coward! Goddamn coward. And he h—he does not have even one Euro to his name, only American dollars... like about two hundred. And you know, that doesn't even cover 2000 euros, which, unfortunately, the euro is stronger than the American dollar at the time. Sad really. Anyway, collection agencies are gonna be on his ass, I tell you what. Anyway, I want those [[Homos|goddamn homosexual]] ads down! Enrgh! And also, another note: I'm a little frustrated about that billboard too! That's a lie! Set up by that stupid [[Clyde Cash]]! He uses another Photoshop picture of his... and posts it on the billboard... [''Chris pauses, looks panicked''] and everyone on the internet knows [[Chris and sex|I'm straight!]] And do not listen to anything that's on his [[YouTube]] account... whatsoever.

Anyway, I'm very— Anyway, I'm more angry at that Jack Thaddeus and those ads! Those ads are going DOWN!! They are going down, and I'm going to ban those homosexual ads! I only like pleasant—I only like pleasant ads because I have to cope with those... [[Stress|I have to c—do what I can to cope with those frickin' ads nowadays.]] [[Homos#Defenses against becoming homo|I have to cover a whole section of my computer with a piece of paper... so I don't have to look at those goddamn things!]] And you [[Chris and hypocrisy|have a life!]] And I'm work—and I'm working so much nowadays! I miss the days when it was just simply the [[Audiobooks]] from [[Vivian Gee]]. And by the way, she's working very hard to [[PS3|upgrade]] them to be of better quality not to mess up DVD burners and all that.

But anyway... errrgh... Jack Thaddeus, you're going down! [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|I'm not even going to talk to you anymore]], so [''middle finger''] you, Jack.

[[True and Loyal Fanbase|To everybody else]] [''flashes peace sign''], hope you have a Merry Christmas and wish you all a pleasant day. Peace out.

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]]|nextlink=[[Download For Play Only]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, December 2009| 2009-12-25]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-12-25]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2009-12-25]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-12-25]]

User:ChinaChan

2012-02-28T00:08:21Z

ChinaChan:

Howdy, I'm ChinaChan. Why is my name ChinaChan? Because it has the same initials as Chris-Chan. Haha. Ha.

Started getting really interested in "Christory" a while ago. My psychology/sociology courses probably reinforced my interest in studying this fascinating (albeit completely crazy) manchild and his adventures. A little about me...I'm obviously in school for psych and soc. I am Canadian. I'm not a troll or a white knight--I'm something in between. I did once have pity for Chris, but any such pity has eroded after the [[Megan]] saga. My favourite saga is the [[Liquid Chris]] saga, because let's face it: the idea of CWC being an imposter is hilarious.

{{White}}{{Straight}}{{GrammarNazi}}{{Canuckfag}}

Cheerleader

2012-02-25T19:42:52Z

ChinaChan: Added piping for additional lulz

'''Cheerleader''' is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris acts as a [[Laura Beth Dorazio|cheerleader]] for Jackie, wearing a tank top and [[Tomgirl Saga|denim skirt]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Cheerleader
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xQzUIZv4Xls}}
| stardate =
| subject =
| style =
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Yellow tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[Chris steps out, in tomgirl garb and pom poms. He does some awkward shakes of the pom poms and some knee-kicks.]''
Rah rah ree! [[Kick the Autistic|Kick 'em in the knee!]] Rah rah rut! Kick 'em in the other knee!

''[Chris unsuccessfully tries to spell 'KICK" with his body.]''

[[I_AM_STRONG|Just a little warm up!]]

''[He doesn't even try to get the letters right in his movements anymore as he indulges in a series of kicks.]''

J! A! C! K! Y! Who's that girl who can't be beat? [[Jackie|Jacky! Jacky!]] Who's that girl [[Chris and English|who-- she's so sweet!]] Jacky! Jacky!

''[Chris moves toward the camera, his mouth not moving, to reveal that he's either dubbed over his movements or he just can't render a video for shit.]''

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

CWC Update 8 February 2009

2012-01-10T21:49:11Z

ChinaChan:

In "'''CWC Update 8 February 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update 02082009'''"), [[Chris]] covers a number of topics:

*Briefly recapping his last few videos, in which he [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|came out of the closet]] under [[Clyde Cash|duress]], then quickly [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|recanted]].
*Announcing that he has finally re-established his website under the new domain [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com sonichuandrosechu.com]. This survived slightly longer than earlier incarnations of the site, but was still hacked within a couple of months, after Chris gave his password to [[Julie]].
*Speculating that [[PandaHalo]] may have been killed in the bushfires that had been been burning across the Australian state of Victoria since the 7th, despite her [[deviantART]] account listing her as living in the state of South Australia.
*Begging Panda to contact him and let him know whether she's alive, as well as whether or not she'll come to Virginia to have sex with him.

The latter issues may be wishful thinking, as Chris had already begun a relationship with Julie, and may have been seeking an exit strategy for PandaHalo.

It is notable in this video that Chris repeatedly [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|farts]] during this captain's log. The context of the video makes this particularly amusing.

;Official description:
http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com/

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 8 February 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dbYponZoZI4}}
| stardate = 8 [[February 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenStripeShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Julie|text}}, {{Panda|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator#Video|Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]
| next = [[CWC Update 10 February 2009#Video|CWC Update 10 February 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I hope she didn't… ''die''… in the fire.}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate: February 8, 2009.

[''Chris inhales deeply and sighs''] I’ve been under a lotta [[stress]] lately, but, uh....

Y'know, first off, let me start off by saying… the of—the, uh, [[Sonichu]] site is back up. It's at, uh, sonichuandrosechu.com. That's where it is now… sonichuandrosechu.com.

Uh... yeah, I been under da stress lately. Uh, the recent one where, uh... [''stutters unintelligibly''] y'all may have heard about—y'all may have… watched the videos re—uh, the last two videos before this one.

Mmm. Yeah, forced into doing that. I won't be repeating '''that''' again. Uh, hopefully not. Uh... '''hopefully''', [[It's UGH!|I won't be repeating that]]. '''Use that take'''! [''note: This last line is seemingly an editing reminder, and yet, this entire video was obviously recorded in a single take'']

Anyway, also, uh... ''aside'' from that—uh, and I thought '''that''' was bad enough, and I was feelin' the str—I was feelin' the, uh... [''sighs'']

Feelin' the pang of th—feelin' the after-pains, uh, from that—I find out that, uh... there's been some… fire going—there's been some brushfire or oil fire… that sort of stuff—'''fire'''—going on in the southern Australia area… where my sweetheart… [''inhales sharply and removes glasses dramatically''] Sarah... Cassandra McKenzie… "[[PandaHalo]]"... [''[[Dirty Crapped Briefs|audibly farts]]''] Mmm! [''licks lips'']

She was, uh, in that—she was in that neck of the woods... and I haven't heard from her in like, uh, over two weeks. And the fire's been going on for like, uh... past—during the past few weeks, so... '''I pray that she's still alive'''. I hope she didn't… '''die'''… in the fire.

[''inhales sharply''] Sarah, if you c—if you are hearing this message… please... let me know… that you're safe… in—in an e-mail… or... send me a postcard.

[''sniffles'']

But—and also, let me know: can I still expect you over at my house? Or are you going to go to [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]]? Please let me know… 'cause I miss you! I worry about you. I still care deeply about you, Sarah... Sarah—heart.

[''sniffles'']

Please... talk—please... ca—please... let me know what's going on. Alright?

[''inhales deeply and sighs''] Still… caring about you very much.

Peace.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 10 February 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-02-08]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-08]]
[[Category:PandaHalo Saga videos| 2009-02-08]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-02-08]]
[[Category:Julie saga videos| 2009-02-08]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-02-08]]

Chris and health

2012-01-01T23:58:46Z

ChinaChan:

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took home-ec classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[Coca-Cola|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home or fast food.
* Dinner: Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly-cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[the GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odour problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. However, in the twenty-something years he has been wearing the glasses, they have done nothing to correct his eyesight. The extent of his eyesight problems are anybody's guess. Nobody will know, as Chris prefers to use his [[monthly tugboat]] on vidya games rather than on [[Chris and reality|getting his eyes checked]] or perhaps [[Chris and Fashion|wearing the appropriate-sized glasses for his prescription]]. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. It is possible that Chris's glasses are only for reading, as Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/David_Alan_Chandler#David_Chandler|Dr. David Alan Chandler], happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:License.jpg|driver's license] has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive (it could also have something to do with the fact that Chris is [[Autism|disabled]], however, his disability seemingly does not affect his driving abilities). Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, more important, things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Manicure/Pedicure stories?|Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] posts, Chris has admitted to being a [[tobacky|chronic]] nail biter, taking his habit to such an extreme that he required nail replacement surgery at one point, requiring a prosthesis.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

For Julie's Eyes Only

2012-01-01T23:38:57Z

ChinaChan:

{{honest}}
<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right|JULAY!]]</div>

 
[[Image:Blowupdoll.gif|center]]

{{protip|"JULLLAAAY" is an ancient meme. Only faggots comment on Chris related videos with any variant of "JULLAAAAAAAY". Even bigger faggots are people who think it's funny to PM and/or e-mail Chris with "JULLLAAAAAAAAAY." The biggest faggots are those who think it's funny to call Chris's house and scream "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAY".}}

On 20 [[February 2009]], the closest thing [[Christian Weston Chandler]] will ever have to a sex tape was leaked to the Internet. The video file '''For Julies Eyes Only.MP4''' consists of nearly eight minutes of Chris, completely nude except for his socks, making love to [[Kimmi|an inflatable sex doll]]. The sex tape was soon uploaded to SlutLoad where it has received over two million views.

==Summary==
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY!!!! JULAAAAAAY!!!! |Chris while humping Kimmi.}}
{{quote|You take that like a good, bad girl!|Also while humping Kimmi.}}
{{quote|I'm ready to cum!!|Again, while humping Kimmi.}}

'''0:00-0:05''' [''Chris sits cross-legged on his bed, holding Kimmi up as though it were a naked girl standing before him, says "Hey, Julie," and glances at her.'']

'''0:06-0:10''' [''He lies back as he pulls the doll into position over his [[duck]].''] "I love you, Julie..."

'''0:11-0:28''' [''He grips the doll, possibly trying to finger its asshole. He seems confused as to how to effectively copulate with this device.'']

'''0:29-0:44''' [''Our hero abandons all pretense and bends the doll at an unnatural angle (with its upper body pointed straight up and its legs pointed straight out behind it), grapevining its legs with his own and pounding it diligently. Its asshole is spread wide in full view of the camera.'']

'''0:45-0:48''' In a satisfied tone, he sighs "Mmm... Julie..." A moment later, sounding surprised by her passion, he exclaims "''Julieee!''"

'''0:49-1:25''' [''Quiet, uneventful thrusting. Chris seems to have a determined look on his face, as though he is focused on servicing his vinyl lover.'']

'''1:26-1:32''' [''A loud snap can be heard, which seems to catch Chris's attention. He lifts the doll up and examines his crotch, then reaches over to pause the recording. In an email, he tells Julie that his condom had broke so he had to put on another one.']

'''1:33-1:52''' [''Chris resumes filming and humping.'']

'''1:53-2:06''' [''He shifts to a sort of scissor position, with Kimmi "straddling" his right thigh. Chris keeps one hand planted on its "breast".'']

'''2:07-2:08''' "Mmm... Julie! Julieeee!"

'''2:09-2:28''' [''More scissoring.'']

'''2:28-2:31''' "Yesss, Julie... Julie! Mmmm..."

'''2:32-2:49''' [''Chris briefly tries to stick several fingers into Kimmi's ass before rolling over onto his side. His ass is now in full view as it thrusts and quivers against the love doll.'']

'''2:50-2:51''' "You like that, don't you, Julie?"

'''2:52-3:13''' [''More ass-thrusting.'']

'''3:14-3:20''' "Come on, Julie... [unintelligible] take that cock... Mmm, Julie!"

'''3:21-3:39''' [''Chris picks up speed...'']

'''3:40-3:43''' [''Chris puts his right leg over the doll and continues thrusting.'']

'''3:44-3:47''' "Oh, Julie... Julie!"

'''3:47-4:05''' [''More thrusting.'']

'''4:06-4:08''' [''Two loud snaps can be heard as Chris takes his leg off the doll.'']

'''4:25-4:30''' [''Chris now sits on the bed and open his legs, putting the blow-up doll over his body. The scene cuts.'']

'''4:31-4:40''' [''Filming resumes. Chris is seated cross-legged in the bed, much like the first scene. He proceeds to hump the doll.'']

'''4:41-4:50''' [''Chris opens his legs and humps some more.''] "Julie... Yes, Julie... You take that like a good—BAD girl!"

'''5:00-5:21''' [''Chris now is humping the doll quickly. His face is extremely red.'']

'''5:22-5:23''' "Hnmm..."

'''5:24-5:25''' [''Chris cuts the film and resumes the same scene, still humping the doll while seated.'']

'''5:33-5:44''' [''Chris now starts to hump the doll on his knees.'']

'''5:45-5:53''' [''Chris now straddles the doll face-down, thrusting like a rabbit.'']

'''5:54-6:04''' [''Chris holds the doll's boobies and starts to "ride" Kimmi.'']

'''6:05-6:09''' "Oh, Julie... JULIE!! JULIE!!!"

'''6:23-6:40''' "Ju— Yeah... Julie! Julie! Hnmph...hnm... Hnmph...uhh...uhh...uh..."

'''6:47-7:09''' "Hnm, ah, yeah, JULIE! I'm— ah, I'm ready to CUUUM!!! JULIE! JULAY! JULAY! JULIEEE! Julie... HNMPH!" [''More moaning.'']

'''7:10-7:24''' "AAAAUUUUGHHHHAAAHNNN!!!" [''More moaning.'']

'''7:25-7:40''' [''Chris suffocates the doll with his weight by lying over her. He thrusts a couple of times and turns off the camera.''] "Julie, thank you."

==Postcards==
[[Image:Postcard_from_Ebaums.jpg|thumb|Greetings to the Chandler family!]]
Postcards were sent direct to [[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] by an anonymous troll in early March. His family's reaction is unknown, except that his [[PSEye]] was briefly taken away.

==Comments on SlutLoad.com==
{{quote|THIS IS SLANDEROUS! YOU DAMNED TROLLS NEED TO STOP THIS! To all who have watched this video, I offer but one thing........[[Curseyehameha|CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HAAAAAAAAAAA]]!!!!!!}}

Chris-chan, using the username "ChristianWestonChandler", commented on the video uploaded to SlutLoad.com about a month after it was released. The fact that Chris registered to the site in order to decry the video is in support of [[Mass Debating|what most people think Chris does with his free time]].

==See also==
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]

==External links==
* [http://megaupload.com/?d=18NA6ERG Download it here!]
* [http://www.slutload.com/watch/w40vYGuWP3X/Chris-Chan-Sextape.html Watch it here!]
* [http://www.efukt.com/2412_Who_The_Fuck_Is_Julie?.html Or watch it here!]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 18 February 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 4 March 2009]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-20]]
[[Category: Julie saga videos| 2009-02-20]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-02-20]]

Talk:Chris Drops the N-Bomb

2011-12-21T03:39:31Z

ChinaChan:

The TRANSCRIBING OF DEES BITCHES GIVES ME GREAT JOY. Also, someone rename this because its current name is bad and unbearable.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:24, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

This video is so contrasting the previous one, in which he is totally calmed, note he said the wallflower's name once more, and tito is srs bsness now, he probably deserves his own page now.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 03:32, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:*"he probably deserves his own page now" Word. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:45, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
==Changing Names==

Any takers for "Chris Drop the N-Bomb"? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:28, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:Seconded. --[[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 03:29, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:: Yup, good idea.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 03:32, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

==Front page quote==

I'd like to make his n-word drop the quote of the now on the front page, but I have absolutely no idea how to do that. Can someone help me out here? Can you direct me to the template? [[User:ArizonaBay|ArizonaBay]] 03:31, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

* It's locked right now. But, I think it's [[Template:QuoteOfTheNow]]--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 03:35, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

== It's gonna be deleted. ==
We all know this vid won't be up for very long. Here's a downloadable version: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=0AENVCKB [[User:IanBrandonAnderson|IanBrandonAnderson]] 03:31, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:Nice thinking ahead, you deserve a reward for exemplary archival or something. --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 03:44, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
:For great justice --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 04:20, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

== Trollin' Stupid ==

90% sure this what he's saying. It's one of his stock phrases he's used in videos before. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 05:27, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

=="Pickle Suited"==

Has this become Chris's new generic insult or something? Or has Tito trolled Chris in another way we've yet to see? --[[User:Torvalr|Torvalr]] 13:43, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
*Apparently, Tito introduced himself to Chris and showed him a picture with Wallflower and said the man was him. By the looks of it, Chris remembered (somehow) the incident involving Emily and presumed that he, too, was a Man in the Pickle Suit.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 14:05, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

==Da Bomb==

He does it more than once in correspondance with Tito --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 13:45, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

For what it's worth—and I hate to sound like I'm defending him for… well… anything—he does have a weird relationship with words, especially spoken words. He hates "naive" but uses it liberally when trying to hurt someone else's feelings. When he said "niggo" before, he was being coerced and knew "nigger" was a bad word, kind of like how he says he has a problem with "the four-boomerang symbol" the Nazis used. This time he wanted to hurt someone's feelings. Like his vague understanding of geography, I'm not sure he understands the specifics of what it means within the sort of cultural geography to use the word publicly. I think he just think that, like "naive," if it's scary to him, it's scary to everyone.

Again, I don't want to defend him and I don't know if that's even that relevant to the wiki; it just seems more consistent with his past behavior than the idea that he's an out-and-out racist. I'm not sure he knows what that means. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 21:52, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

==Womanising Rapist==

"Womanising Rapist" is one of the funniest CWCisms I've heard in a long time. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 21:48, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

* If only because of its implications. Why is Tito a rapist? Well, obviously Chris believes Tito is having sex with a woman Chris desires. In Chris' mind, all women desire him, therefore the sex can't be consensual. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 22:32, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

==Censoring Wallflower's Name in the Video==
Is this at all possible, or is it too late? She did request for her name to be removed, after all. --[[User:ChinaChan|ChinaChan]] 19:39, 20 December 2011 (PST)

Chris Drops the N-Bomb

2011-12-21T03:37:54Z

ChinaChan: /* Transcript */

[[File:Niggo.jpg|thumb|250px|"Oh yeah, he's also Old Fashioned."]]
[[Image:Tito2.jpg|thumb|left|Tito is shocked and saddened by Chris's choice of words.]]

'''Chris Drops the N-Bomb''' (officially posted as '''100_2151.MOV''') is a video uploaded on 17 March 2010, where [[Chris]] sends yet another gory [[death threat]], and uses the dreaded 'N-Word', at [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]. It is also believed that this video was the reason that Jack Thaddeus pulled all of his funding from CWCipedia.

Unsurprisingly, Chris once again drops the name of the [[Wallflower]]. His actual explicit and complete usage of a racial slur, though, was unexpected; the closest he had previously come was singing "Don't Trust them Niggas over there" to [[Julie]] and when [[BlueSpike]] coerced him into saying it during their [[Julie Reveals Herself|final conversation]], where it took Chris several tries to get the word out (the best he could manage on his first attempt was "[[Niggo]]").

It's well-known that Chris harbors racist feelings (based on reports of his behavior at [[The Game Place]], among other things), but they're not usually expressed so bluntly. The release of the [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]] on 18 March 2010, however, revealed that Chris has apparently grown quite fond of using the word as an insult.

To make matters worse, there hasn't been any indication that Surfshack Tito is actually black, or that Chris has any reason for thinking so. Tito's cartoon namesake is a Pacific islander, not ethnically African in any way, and Tito the troll bills himself as Hawaiʻian.

{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2151.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ICmPmA99AgM}}
| stardate = 17 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
| shirt = {{TanWideLines|text}}
| previous = [[Happy Sonichu Day]]
| next = [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]
}}

{{quote|You God damn womanizing raping... trollin' stupid pickle suited... nigger!}}

=== Transcript ===

Tito! You stay away from [Wallflower], you son of a bitch. You have no right taking her from me like that, you [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|womanizing rapist]]! And if you go near her again, then I ''will'' find you! I will find you, I will [[Pocket knife|cut you up]], I will [[CWC Fighter|beat you up]], I will knock you on your backside, [[Chris and reality|stand on your gut like a log roller, and roll your fat right through your skull! Blowin' it wide open!]]

Because that's what you deserve, you God damn [[Chris and hypocrisy|womanizing raping]]... trollin' stupid [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle suited]]... '''nigger!''' And don't you ever, don't you dare contact me in my [[Surfshack Tito E-mails|E-mail]] again, or contact me ever! You stay away from me- You stay away from me and contact. Don't call me... I ''will'' find ''you''!
[''Shows middle finger'']

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = YOU...YOU...DOUBLE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yaJwLL5mfg0}}
| stardate = 18 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| subject =
| type =
| info = [http://www.mediafire.com/?qnnxdz3im5d MP3]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris says the N-word, and goes crazy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rPe1pVKtCOc}}
| stardate = 5 [[April 2010]]
| maker = DrButler
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Happy Sonichu Day]]|nextlink=[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]|}}

{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-17]]
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-17]]

User talk:ChinaChan

2011-12-21T03:36:46Z

ChinaChan: /* Hi there! */

"I'm...uh...China-Chan. Leave a message after...um...t-the uhh beep and I'll try to g-get off back to you. Have a pleasant day."

==Hi there!==

[[Image:CWCiki_Introduction.jpg|thumb|300px|Welcome to CWCKI!]]

Welcome to [[CWCki]]! There's a lot to do around here because Chris never does anything himself. I hope you'll stay with us and make many improvements of your own!

:Before you start, be sure to read '''[[A Quick Guide to CWCki]]'''. This will guide you through the dos and don'ts of editing [[CWCki|the world's most accurate wiki]]. Be especially sure to read this if you consider Anonymous to be legion or if you've just come over from [[ED]]. Everything you know is [[lies|wrong]].

:'''[[Special:Recentchanges|Recent changes]]''' is a great first stop, because you can see what other people are editing right this minute, and where you can help.

:If you're looking for things to do, check out the '''[[CWCki:Priority Listing|priority listing]]''' for things that need to be done, or join a '''[[CWCki:Projects|project]]'''.

:If you haven't already, create a '''[[User:{{PAGENAME}}|user page]]''' about yourself! If you do, we'll be able to know you better as a member of our community. Just be sure to check out the [[CWCki:User pages|guidelines]] first.

:'''Questions?''' Please read the [[Frequently Asked Questions|FAQ]] first. Later, you can ask in the '''[[CWCki:Community_Portal|Community Portal]]''' or on the "discussion" page associated with each article, join the live chat in our [[Sonichu (IRC)|IRC channel]] or post a message on [[User talk:T K 19|my talk page]]!

:Once again, welcome to CWCki!
--[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 19:34, 20 December 2011 (PST)

::Thanks for the welcome! [[User:ChinaChan|ChinaChan]] 19:36, 20 December 2011 (PST)

User talk:ChinaChan

2011-12-21T02:37:55Z

ChinaChan: Created page with ""I'm...uh...China-Chan. Leave a message after...um...t-the uhh beep and I'll try to g-get off back to you. Have a pleasant day.""

"I'm...uh...China-Chan. Leave a message after...um...t-the uhh beep and I'll try to g-get off back to you. Have a pleasant day."

User:ChinaChan

2011-12-21T02:36:07Z

ChinaChan: Created page with "Howdy, I'm ChinaChan. Why is my name ChinaChan? Because it has the same initials as Chris-Chan. Haha. Ha. Started getting really interested in "Christory" a few days ago. My psy..."

Howdy, I'm ChinaChan. Why is my name ChinaChan? Because it has the same initials as Chris-Chan. Haha. Ha.

Started getting really interested in "Christory" a few days ago. My psychology/sociology courses probably reinforced my interest in studying this fascinating (albeit completely crazy) manchild and his adventures. A little about me...I'm obviously in school for psych and soc. I am Canadian, and I live fairly close to 14 Branchland Court, which is pretty scary despite the border in-between us. And yes, this is likely as close as a Canadian can get to Virginia *shudders*. I'm not a troll or a white knight--I'm something in between. I did once have pity for Chris, but any such pity has eroded after the [[Megan]] saga. My favourite saga is the [[Liquid Chris]] saga, because let's face it: the idea of CWC being an imposter is hilarious.

{{White}}{{Straight}}{{GrammarNazi}}{{Canuckfag}}

Chris and health

2011-12-20T18:38:05Z

ChinaChan:

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took home-ec classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[Coca-Cola|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home or fast food.
* Dinner: Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly-cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[the GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odour problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedofork|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. However, in the twenty-something years he has been wearing the glasses, they have done nothing to correct his eyesight. The extent of his eyesight problems are anybody's guess. Nobody will know, as Chris prefers to use his [[monthly tugboat]] on vidya games rather than on [[Chris and reality|getting his eyes checked]] or perhaps [[Chris and Fashion|wearing the appropriate-sized glasses for his prescription]]. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. It is possible that Chris' glasses are only for reading, as Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

Chris' [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:License.jpg|driver's license] has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive (it could also have something to do with the fact that Chris is [[Autism|disabled]], however, his disability seemingly does not affect his driving abilities). Whether his vision contributed to [[June 2010|the]] [[28 October 2011|numerous]] [[June 2005|vehicular]] [[July 2005|incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of [[Michael Snyder|those sharing the road with him]].

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, more important, things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Manicure/Pedicure stories?|Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] posts, Chris has admitted to being a [[tobacky|chronic]] nail biter, taking his habit to such an extreme that he required nail replacement surgery at one point, requiring a prosthesis.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}