CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and writing

2010-01-27T18:05:25Z

Chupacabrazilla: /* Kudzu plot */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

While [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has not shown his mastery at [[Chris and English|composing titillating pieces of literature]] as often as he has [[Chris and art|astounded us with his artistic skill]], he has nevertheless shown what he has been capable of '''writing''' through his [[Sonichu (comic)|outlandish webcomic]], several ill-guided blogging attempts and multiple short pieces of fiction and poetry.

== General problems ==
=== Exposition ===
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

One of the big problems that plagues Chris's writing is that he relies too much on exposition rather than implications from the actions and dialogue. Chris drops us a bunch of information, and assumes that is all that needs to be told. Part of this is just due to his inexperience as a writer ''and'' a reader, but part of it definitely comes from his [[autism]]: sticking to bare facts and not considering the fact that people need different kinds of information that pique their interests.

[[The High School Story]] is extremely exposition-heavy; indeed, it's a piece that has nothing ''but'' exposition. In this story, Chris is telling a tale like he would be telling about something that happened in real life (which, incidentally, is not very far from the truth) — the whole story could be used as an illustration of the "[[wikipedia:Show, don't tell|show, don't tell]]" rule.

When confronted with sentences like ''"Now, Terrah was a Great Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High"'', your average reader will probably ask "yes, but what was that artwork ''really'' like? How exactly was she praised, and who praised her? This story doesn't tell that!" As is [[Mailbag|often demonstrated]], Chris doesn't like to elaborate on things, and assumes everyone gets the whole picture from a single statement of fact.

We don't hear of examples of Terrah's masterful brushwork or competent scene composition in her paintings, or hear of her painstaking attention to detail as she worked the clay, sweat on her brow, barely aware of the passage of time, in the eerie, slightly flickering glow of the fluorescent lights in the art classroom in the basement of the aging public school — a grossly underfunded institution that was barely equipped to let her reach her full potential. We don't hear of the supressed tears of her classmates as they gaze upon the artwork that is utterly and totally full of Win. We don't hear of her teacher discussing the latest works of the little prodigy with other teachers over coffee. ''Because that would be showing.''

Furthermore, Terra's artistic skill is not introduced into the story until it becomes a plot point, when she feels she should win an award based on it. If she is as artistically-inclined as Chris intends, this trait should be introduced much earlier in the story, as it is certainly far more plot-relevant than, say, the character's homophobia.

When answering a letter in his [[mailbag]], Chris shows that he's under the impression that this level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics. Also, he lets us know that he's just being [[Chris and money|cheap]], since he can save money on markers by just writing down what happened, instead of having to illustrate it.

This isn't to say that using only exposition would be always bad. "[[How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls]]" is an example to the contrary, because many myths are told in a highly expository manner, as a recounting of events that happened long ago. For example, when people read about God creating the light in Genesis 1:3-4, they usually don't ask what "it was good" ''really'' means; no one, aside from a few enthusiastic theologians, immediately asks what God's ''motivation'' was in creating light, or how He might have ''really felt'' that day. Readers can't expect answers to those questions, because the events happened long before they were written.

===Plot construction and tension===
In any story, the best part about the story is the plot itself. It's what moves the story and what draws readers' attention to it. It could be said that ''coming up with interesting things that could happen'', ''coming up with interesting characters'' and ''telling how those characters interact and either make things happen or hinder the progress'' are some of the basic construction materials of any stories. If the story lacks any sort of interesting little hooks, readers will not give a damn about the story, and will stop reading and turn away. Sadly, when Chris builds plots, there's no drive or feel to it, thus making it seem like everything's ''there''. Many times, it is that way.

While Chris does have a ''few'' good ideas (derivative or otherwise), he tends to pull it through as quickly as possible, with very little real suspense. Chris has built a cast of recolored characters, and he has come up with some sort of events that these characters must go through. Sadly, though, he puts zero effort in making characters interact in any plausible manner. Chris's characters never have to actually ''prove'' to the reader that they're able to advance the plot: we ''know'' they'll do it, not just because Chris gives out future spoilers like hamburgers, but mainly because they're Chris's heroes and Chris's heroes NEVER fail.

In competently-put-together stories, heroes would need to prove to the readers that they're able to conquer the challenge ("It's not impossible: I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home; they're not much bigger than two meters"), or show that the heroes are ''learning'' to be able to conquer the challenge ("They say The User lives outside the Net and inputs games for pleasure. No one knows for sure, but I intend to find out"). Sarah Connor eventually figures out that weeping and cowering won't work and kicking Terminator ass is perfectly doable once she figures out how. Neo must first blow his frigging mind to become the One and destroy the Matrix. Frodo must face the fact that he's just a plain ol' hobbit (and hence saving the world is a little bit out of his league) and that the One Ring is messing with everyone's head, including his.

In Chris's stories, good guys win ''by default''. Many, if not all, of the battles in his series seem to be utterly one-sided and boring. Most of the time, this is caused by Sonichu or Chris having a power that is needed right then and there without any explanation. A good example of this is the battle between Sonichu and [[Liquid Chris|"IBAChandler"]] in Sonichu 9. IBA shows up for a grand total of ''one page'' before getting curb stomped. In a way, it shows that only one Chris can exist, but at the same time, that fact that Sonichu defeated the person without even breaking a sweat shows that Chris has no real patience for thinking what kind of characters IBA and Sonichu ''are'', and if they ended up in a fight, what kind of battle would it be. Sonichu is a hero, hence he must win; IBA is a villain, hence he must fall. No further explanation is required in Chris's mind, and the one-page confrontation is just a courtesy for the reader.

Drama is also a hard thing for Chris to do. In well-written stories, characters usually have to jump hurdles after hurdles to reach their goal. At times, they have to make certain choices that could either help them, or bite them in the ass in the future. Chris, being Chris, believes in the saying that they should "have their cake and eat it, too." Going back to Sonichu 9, Sonichu is confronted with a choice: let Reldnahc take over CWCVille or Rosechu dies. If Sonichu really were the Sonic ripoff he was, he'd probably attempt to save Rosechu and somehow be stopped in the process, then given the ultimatum again. Instead, Chris forgoes it and has Bionic and Darkbind save the day not even a page later. A competently-written hero usually will be able to save both the love interest and society at large, but it will take that much more drive, courage, ingenuity, and skill. If the character is going to completely win, then the audience expects a little extra effort to justify this, and a ''deus ex machina'' will not satisfy. A particularly blatant example of this is the cover art for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', which depicts Chris having already beaten his various enemies, thus diffusing any possible tension.

Another thing that Chris has no drive to prolong is the need for love interests. In many series, potential love interests, upon meeting, either hate each other's guts, are oblivious to one's feelings, or start out as good friends and work their way to being lovers. Ongoing comics tend to wait years for character A to finally fall in love with character B. Series centered around romance, especially ''shoujo'' [[anime]], tend to wait until the very end of the series for the characters to announce their true feelings, whereupon they "all live happily ever after".

Because of Chris's need to have true and loving couples, virtually every Sonichu and Rosechu has been hooked up with the exception of Magi-Chan and Silvana (and according to an IN-COMIC SPOILER ALERT in [[Sonichu 10]], they will be soon). Even worse, there's no build-up to these moments — they meet, hook up and screw all right there, often through the cop-out plot device of "love at first sight". Just read the past comics again — can you find the precise ''motivations'' Blake and Bubbles had when they got together? What did they like about each other? How about all those new lovehog couples who were unveiled in Sonichu 9? Chris likes to ramble about true love and respecting people's personalities, but the inter-personal chemistries of his ''characters'' remain mysteries to us.

Let's put this into context:

*It took Superman ''sixty years'' to marry Lois Lane.
*It took Spider-Man ''twenty years'' to marry Mary Jane Watson and another twenty to have it retconned.
*It took Sonic the Hedgehog ''ten years'' to admit his feelings to Princess Sally in the comics, and another year to break them apart.
*It took Sailor Moon ''two seasons'' to be able to have a happy moment with Tuxedo Kamen without something screwing it up for them.
*It takes Chris ''less than one episode'' to pair people up and have [[hanky-panky]]!

A more succinct example of Chris's approach to dramatic buildup can be seen in [[Sonichu 10]]. Ever since Sonichu 5, Chris and the Chaotic Combo's main goal was to find and unite the seven Sonichu Balls to free [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. From that point on, Chris, Sonichu and the others traveled through time, dealt with evil trolls and scoured the ocean to search for the balls. After two episodes of events that really don't mean anything, Chris is pulled out and, after spending most of the third episode dealing with trolls, he ''finally'' gets around to freeing Crystal. What should have been a momentous occasion is turned into a jaw-dropping ''"That's it???"'' moment when all Chris, as Collosal Chan, does is walk into the mirror, pick up Crystal and walk out as if he was just grabbing something from the other room! It's less of a momentous occasion and more of a ''"If that's all we had to do, then why did we spend so long WAITING for it?!"''.

As one can see, Chris doesn't like buildup or suspense; thus, he bluntly goes into something full-force, expecting his readers to accept it.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion{{cite}}}}

Chris's lyrics vary from acceptable for the sort of cheesy tie-in music (used with [[Transformers|certain franchises]] [[Pokémon|of which he is a fan]]) usually written by D-list hack writers, to hilariously awful and full of painful rhymes, giving us lines such as "[[Feel So Lonesome|if no girl comes, I'll break my arm]]."

His poetry, however, is far worse: it's simply abysmal, consisting of one assault after another on the English language. Painful rhymes [[Saddest Heart in the World|are even more present than in his songs]]; other times, he [[Valentines Day Hymn|breaks the mood of the poem]] to throw in some of his trademark [[random-access humor]]. Chris also tends to use rather dated language in his poetry, not unlike in his written messages to his fanbase; however, it is not "how do I love thee" dated, which is generally acceptable (though a tad cliched sometimes), but the sort of mushy language used in Valentine's Day cards like the ones kids hand out in elementary school, or perhaps the dialogue on many [[I Love Lucy|old television shows]]. This is especially evident in his poems "Valentine's Day Hymn" (which is not a hymn, or any sort of song at all, as it lacks both a discernible tune and any sort of rhyme or meter scheme) and "Saddest Heart in the World."

== Chris and short fiction ==
[[Image:F1p13.jpg|thumb|right|To be fair, his writing does have a certain infamous appeal to it]]

Chris shows the [[Fail|same amount of skill]] when concocting prose as he does when crafting poetry. Earlier works, like "How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls" and "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", show a slightly juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. But overall, these pieces have certainly childlike charm, and would be moderately impressive if done by a 4th grader.

Until you realize Chris was fucking eighteen years old.

{{quote| Needing to hit the monster in the same manner, Super Sonic rushed again at such a speed. And once again, he ran in and [[Kacey Call|came out the mouth]].|Chris, proving the [[Beel|devil]] is in the details.}}

Recently an impressive new work has emerged along with the [[CWCipedia]]. Dealing with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|yet another female adaptation of Chris]], "[[The High School Story]]" is another fascinating and vaguely creepy look at Chris's literary process. While the narrative and sense of drama have been amped up considerably, [[Chris and English|confusing grammatical and syntax problems]] are far more present. Whereas most [[Fan:Chris Gets Laid|pieces]] [[Fan:The Death of Sonichu|of]] [[Fan:CWCVille 1984|fiction]] utilize the rules of the English language to better express their story, Chris made the bold move to [[Sex|screw]] the rules entirely.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.|Chris, momentarily forgetting the story in order to encourage [[gay]] bashing}}

This story in particular displays Chris's inability to immerse himself in a character that is not simply some strangely conceived version of himself.

== Chris as a comic writer ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''
=== Lack of cohesive script ===
Like all forms of narrative art, a comic needs a script. Serious writers do not keep the scripts in their heads; most comics are scripted either in very rough sketch form, or textually, or both. When discussing the [[Sonichu (game)|video game plans]], he said his game ideas are in his head, and he'd probably say the same about the comic. ''If'' Chris has a grand plan for the comic, he's using the same "pure gold on first try" mentality as in everywhere else.

The most telltale sign of this lack of script has been his ability to derail the story either to deal with trolls or to issue apologies. [[Sonichu 10]] is ''easily'' the worst case scenario, with at least two instances of this horrendous action. The first is Chris's attack on the 4-cent_garbage building. While it could be assumed that he had this planned from the beginning (remember, he had started issue 10 before he even finished 8), a number of things changed between the release of the preview and the time he actually GOT to this issue. Most notably, the involvement of Jason Kendrick Howell was shoved aside for [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]]. Note that the story took place in 2008 - Clyde and Jack would not get involved in trolling Chris until 2009. Even more, after destroying the 4-cent_garbage building [[Twin Falling Towers|a-la the Twin Towers]], Chris actually tries to stop the story to offer apologies for his actions, mostly to say that it was because he wanted to get rid of those "damn dirty homo trolls".

He pulls this off again mere pages later - he spends less than four pages rescuing Crystal from the mirror and reviving Zelina Rosechu only to spend his time dealing with ''[[Asperchu]]''. Note that, again, Asperchu had started up in November 2009. And after that, he issues a SECOND apology so he can disassociate himself from the ''Asperchu'' series.

It's easy to see here that, despite how hyped up his other plots are, they are easily derailed and shoved aside just so he can deal with those "SLANDEROUS TROLLS".

=== Textwalls and unreadable bubble layouts ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, ''try'' reading that]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]
As far as dialogue writing goes, aside from the lack of proofreading and editing, Chris's biggest sin is textwalling. Characters just can't shut up at times, and this leads to him forgetting that comics are meant to show the readers things, and not turn into inconveniently typeset novels without any of the requisite bits of narration and scene-setting. He has absolutely no organization to his speech bubbles, sometimes forcing readers' eyes to jump all over a page to try and put together what he was trying to say, including using '''numbers''' to disclaim the flow of a conversation. Chris own a copy of Photoshop, which can be used to create speech bubbles with minor effort, provided one invests some time in learning how to do that. (Learning, of course, is not really in Chris's alley.) He also appears to draw his pages in one go, hand-writing the speech bubbles first and later replacing them with computer lettering; this approach leaves precious little leeway if you don't plan things perfectly on the first try. Most comic artists write their script first, draw the images while leaving some space for speech bubbles, and composite the whole thing together in a graphics app — this allows for more flexibility and opportunities to tweak the artwork. In [[Mailbag 19]], Chris says the reason he does things this way is because "[He] feel preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references. Look it up in most other Comic Books; they have loads of dialogue, plus I.M.H.O., with [his] dialogue pages, it saves marker ink in comparison to most pages."

In other words, he's a lazy fuck who doesn't want to draw everything, so he takes the easy way out.

When Chris draws his comic pages, he draws them while attempting to squish ''everything'' onto the page. He leaves nothing to the imagination, trying to show everything that has happened on one page. One of the earliest examples of this can be seen with [[Sonichu 0]] with the Pikachu running into action at the same time Sonic turns into Super Sonic and attacks Perfect Chaos. Where most comics tend to have six panels of action at most, Chris crams a whopping ''ten panels'' onto the page. The result of trying to cram as much action as he can is an amazing mess, making readers completely unable to tell what is going on. Such manhandling of the material once again shows an utter lack of planning, preparation and refining-based approach.

=== Kudzu plot ===
Newer issues, written under increasing troll pressure, also introduce one big problem: Chris likes to put in tributes to "fans," and those plotlines never go anywhere. As a result, people who are not aware of the goings-on in trolling are boundlessly confused by all these developments, and people who ''do'' have some sense of how Chris is being trolled have no idea how he can fix this quagmire of tangled plotlines he's gotten into. People can see he's trying to yank a root; ''we'' know that root has been rigged with deadly explosives, and Chris won't believe it if we tell him.

Leaving loose strands was a problem with Chris's work earlier (Just what the ''hell'' happened to the Metal Sonichu, anyway?) but it has really worsened in the recent works. Sometimes, he realizes his plot is getting weird and out sync with all of those brilliant plans in his mind, and trims the kudzu plot with a giant machete. Chris has no energy or creativity to fix hastily introduced characters properly, and when he does fix them, it's not pretty.

[[Jiggliami]] and [[Blanca]] appear in [[Sonichu 8]], but they serve very little purpose besides making a quick appearance, although Jiggliami's discovery helps the good guys defeat the bad guys' plans. In real life, Chris had been betrayed by the ''evil'' troll, and [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|in the fateful September 11th video]], claimed Jiggliami as his character. After Jiggliami and Blanca had made their appearance, Chris shooed them off the comic. That is not passive ''neglect'' of the characters: he ''literally'' said that Jiggliami went away and had a successful career elsewhere.

Indeed, if there's a literary equivalent of rape, this is as close as it will ever get. After Chris's and Blanca's "break-up," Chris used her character ''just to spite Blanca'' and then tossed Jiggliami on the wayside. He could have used his "original" characters in this episode with no harm done to anyone, but he ''insisted'' on using Jiggliami in this comic. If this had been a [[parody]] of Jiggliami and the ''evil'' troll Blanca (as was done to Jimmy Hill in the [[Sonichu 10]] preview), this might have been appropriate too. A regular comic writer might have said "goddamn it, I've been trolled, I can't use any of this rubbish that the trolls made." But not Chris; he ''claimed Jiggliami and Blanca as his own characters and used them in a comic like he would have used any of his own characters, then threw them away in cold blood''.

Not content to engage in such literary abuse of characters he doesn't own once, he's apparently doing it ''again'' with [[Evan]]'s Simonchu character. Despite Evan's repeated requests to remove [[Simonla]] from the comic<ref>[[Mailbag]]</ref>, Chris has not only tweaked Evan's character and introduced Simonchu as Simonla's "brother" in his Haiti earthquake poster, but also [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|replied to Evan in a breathtaking way]], basically saying that in his mind the character is part of Sonichuverse now and the voices in his head tell him so and that's the end of the discussion.

In another ghoulish example of fixing up tangled trolling plots, [[Ivy]] was introduced in the Date Ed episode of [[Sonichu 9]], while she was still Chris's girlfriend. No doubt this was intended as a major plotline, but not at all surprisingly, it never came to fruition. After a romantic start, in which Ivy and Chris meet ''within their minds, across a gap in time and space'' with [[Chris and religion|God And Jesus as matchmakers]] (or something along those lines; Chris is [[Time Void|trapped in the mirror]] and Ivy is in the Dating Ed class), Ivy was never mentioned in the following episode at all, except for a brief mention that ''[[Chris and death|she died]] off-page in a gruesome elevator accident while the city was being destroyed''.

This order of events is what the people will see when they read the Sonichu 9 in the order it's in on CWCipedia. Yet, readers who are aware of news from the troll front were aware of Ivy's situation long before Chris killed Ivy-the-character in an elevator and knew Chris ''had'' to fix this somehow. Things became even more muddled, because Chris had leaked several other comics with Ivy ([[Wedding Comic]] and [[Giant Penis Comic]]) in which Chris is together with Ivy in CWCville and they even go so far as to get married — while in the official comic timeline, Chris and Ivy never met physically! Chris can leave the Time Void at will to taunt people (''canonically'' shown in [[Sonichu 8]] elevator scene!), but can he get out of the time void to get [[hanky-panky]] from various women, too?

Something similar happens in [[Sonichu Special 4]] where Chris (again, somehow free of the never-ending void of time and space that has consumed him) shoots [[Liquid]] in the knees to save [[Kacey]] for some reason that is never explained. Notably, Chris is unfased by the death of his [[Wedding Comic|wife]] and moves straight on to Kacey through the Sonichu Specials, not even showing an ounce of written emotion for his dearly departed [[Ivy]] by the time Sonichu Special 4 rolls around. (And what makes this even more confusing is that, in the canon of the comic, Ivy doesn't die until after Chris saves Kacey). What's more, Liquid ''has no plausible reason to exist within the comic''; his canonical appearance in Sonichu 9 is utterly unexplained. He just appears and gets beaten for no reason. Granted, it ''could'' be an in-joke, but still, with the plot as tangled as it is this is highly unlikely and is an emphasis on Chris's fail at having any sort of consistent, logical characters and plot.

=== Dialogue ===

Whenever authors decide to write a comic, they usually try to give characters speech that reflects the character's personality. Dialogue is also used to reflect the scene as well as the interaction between character A and character B. Most comic writers, however, try to give the character rather limited dialogue in an effort to get the reader to focus on the art of the panel or the scenes rather than the dialogue. But like everything else in the comic, Chris tries it, half-asses it, and rips off various other sources while trying to play it off as "original". Most times it features unfunny jokes, sexual innuendo (mind you, this is a comic intended for children), and "witty banter" before the recolors take down the bad guys for the hundredth time within the span of 6 pages or less (because unlike Chris IRL, they can't fail).

Chris also tends to turn most dialogue into textwalls that can take up a whole page. This is usually done whenever a [[Magi-chan|Deus ex machina]] needs to update the recolors on the current situation, when a character needs to go into a long, drawn-out speech which will usually end with the speaker most likely getting his ass kicked, or whenever two characters are going through a long exchange and Chris is too lazy to draw panels, a background, or even dialogue in a consistent manner that doesn't require the reader to assume that they are reading it the right way. Sometimes Chris actually includes numbers so readers will at least get a good idea as to where to start and how to finish each page.

Another thing to consider is inter-character interaction. For one who prefers to write dialogue than to draw comic pages, he rarely offers any interactions between characters that give us a hint as to why characters love or hate each other. When a Sonichu meets a Rosechu, they usually go through very limited interaction that eventually ends with the partners meeting, speaking one sentence, dating, and then [[chris and sex|hanky panky]]. Can anyone really say for certain why Sonichu is attracted to Rosechu (unless she has a thing for yellow stalkers who show up without an explanation) or even why anyone decided to hook up with their respective partners based on dialogue? The answer: '''NO''', because Chris can't be bothered giving reasons as to why something happens. It's Chris's comic and we're merely observing his sick mind for our own entertainment.

Another thing that Chris has started to do with his characters is use them as mouthpieces for himself instead of other characters. A big example of this comes in the form of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. In [[Sonichu 8]], Jason's shown to be an evil villain (or as evil as Chris can show them), unwilling to stop attacking Chris at 4-cent_garbage and going so far as to launch a pickle at Rosechu without a second thought. Two issues (and about a year) later, Jason quickly gives up after Chris starts rocking out. Not only that, he's starts condemning two other trolls there, namely [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] [[trolls]] while he was STRAIGHT! This shows that Chris just HAS to get in the last laugh in something and he'll go through even villains just to do so.

In other words, Chris can't write dialogue even though he insists on writing textwalls in what should be a visual medium rather than drawing, which is just as shitty.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|right|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

Chris has had a few journalistic aspirations in the past, as easily evidenced by [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]]. Of course, to say any of these publications would be up to some journalistic standard is just false — the ''Nintendo Power'' magazine is complete and utter fabrication (if only ''wishful'' fabrication) from cover to the, er, nonexistent back cover.

To Chris's credit, the homemade magazine is likely not a legitimate attempt at journalism, and is merely an attempt to make himself look like a True and Honest fan of ''Nintendo Power'', and to express his wish that the new games he described would be produced and published. Everyone who looks at the magazine will immediately see it as a piece of wish-fulfillment fan work — a "future issue" of ''Nintendo Power'' where all of his dreams come true. He's not trying to pull a Spax3-esque "''Mega Man 9'' was published for NES too, gamerfannns" stunt.

The News Dash follows the same formula as his blogging later on: self-centered rambling on what happened to him and what kind of not-very-exciting developments he has in store for the comic. And, of course, there's the most important part of the newsletter: the dating ad.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his "News Dash" mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog ''format'': entries posted in chronological order. Instead, Chris stuck new updates where the heck he could find new space that day, resulting a rather Time Cube-like appearance.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]], his current blog.
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Fail|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!| Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

The [[CWC Blog]] is Chris's most recent blog, where he shouts his authoritarian decrees to his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]. Given that it's run by our [[Cogsdev|glorious leader]], and entirely insulated from slanderous [[trolls]] telling him to get a job, Chris will probably be ranting for a long, long time.

When the [[Twitter]] feed was added to [[CWCipedia]], Chris started using Twitter, though it's fairly obvious that he doesn't quite get the point of the site. Twitter is a microblogging site where the posts ("tweets") have been consciously limited to 140 characters to force users to express themselves concisely. In 13 January 2010, when Chris was unable to use his normal blog, Chris posted a message broken up over ''24 tweets''. This is, of course, a good example of how not to use the site for full advantage.

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. As it is with [[Sonichu (comic)|so]] [[SingStar Challenge|many]] [[LittleBigPlanet|other]] [[51 50|things]], Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven [[Lies|false]] when [[Fail|he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'']].

== Tl;dr ==

Chris has no concept of a consistent plot, cannot write coherent dialogue or poetry, and he has never been able to pull an original character with a consistent personality [[dirty crapped briefs|out of his ass]]. In short, he can't write for shit.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sauces ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and reality

2010-01-21T22:36:50Z

Chupacabrazilla: /* Documentary or fictional fiction? */ Fixed up incorrect links and some typos

'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. While most fiction operates on the assumption that the fictional world is in some way separate from that which actually exists, for Chris such lines are difficult to grasp. While some might assume Chris is exploring meta-fictional devices, he is nowhere near that clever. He's just too stupid to get reality straight.

==The mechanics of the CWCiverse==
As experts understand it, [[CWCville]] exists outside the confines of normal spacetime; a pocket universe with principal access located through a Narnia-esque portal made of a [[Wikipedia:Dance Dance Revolution|DDR]] pad in Chris's room (why he has a DDR pad in the first place when he has no coordination or stamina is a mystery). CWCville exists as a Utopia (by Chris's standards), located in Virginia, but not in any tangible sense. The geography of CWCville is incomprehensible by normal means, and it is speculated that only idiot rationale can make sense of this paradox.

Here it is important to remember that by Chris's standards, CWCville is 100% real. When confronted about it, he will acknowledge that CWCville is imaginary, but it is real to him.{{cite}}

In the comic — and within Chris's mind — the citizens of his imaginary universe operate with an understanding of the world outside their own. [[Sonichu]] was born of an unholy union and bizarre pseudo-scientific and fantasy bullshit (as in any good sci-fi story, radiation can do anything!) involving Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokémon, radiation, and a rainbow. He is also the fictional creation and figurative "son" of Chris (despite being of a different species), and is aware of this fact, referring to Chris as his "Father". Theoretically, this should also make Chris the "father" of [[Rosechu]], but either Chris hasn't given that much thought to the implications of what he writes, or he does not wish to dwell on the obvious incestuous undertones.

This duality extends to the sentience of CWCville's fictional inhabitants. They are Chris's inventions and act at his bidding, yet he often acts as if he believes they are real, self-willed beings: "I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>

===Documentary or fictional fiction?===
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|And you thought [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|the straw]] was the worst part, just think of the implications...]]

Defining [[Continuity in the Sonichu comics|Sonichu Canon]] is a difficult prospect. [[Christian_Weston_Chandler_(comic_character)|Chris]] (the character) exists not only as Mayor of CWCville, but as writer of the comic depicting its own reality, his Mary Sue, and as creator of the universe. A given character exists in varying states of self-awareness. On one hand, Sonichu is having his real life adventures, but will at other times speak of discussions with fans, ''within continuity''.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_38</ref>

It's not just the comics that define CWCville. Even Chris's spoken words have the power, in his mind, to reshape his fantasy world in a way that has lasting consequences. It was only with some reluctance that he obeyed [[BlueSpike]]'s order to declare [[BILLY MAYS]] the new mayor, and he subsequently wrote and drew entire pages of the comic intended to reverse the effect of what a sane person would consider meaningless nonsense.

In one sub-episode,<ref>[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_7:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target.22]]</ref> Chris incorporates his own misadventures into his fictional universe through the use of a [[Get-Tar Region|stand-in location]]. Within what can only reasonably assumed to be Chris's comic universe, Chris spends his time drawing his comic universe.

Things took an even sharper turn in the land of insanity with [[Sonichu 10]], where chris addresses the world of [[Asperchu]]. In the Asperchu series, the [[Chaotic Combo]] appeared, though with some changes (the most notable being that [[Wild Sonichu]] is now dating [[Simonchu]] instead of [[Simonla]], as per [[Evan]]'s wishes.) As the comic is hosted on its own wiki, with a regular update schedule, and with fans contantly pestering him about it, the comic essentially seemed as "real" to Chris as his own Sonichu comics. As such he felt the need, in his own series, to clarify that the characters in [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s comic were, in fact, a completely different set of Sonichus and Rosechus that were forced into imitating the Chaotic Combo against their will. Using [[Ultra Sonichu]], he "cures" them of their various problems (in particular, Asperchu's [[Asperger's Syndrome]]), and gives them all a makeover. At this point he then expects Alec to take these events as canon and completely change his own series to accommodate Chris's ridiculous ideas (similar to [[Sonichu 9]], where Chris recreated [[timmys1984]]'s fan promo, and expected the slight changes he added to be implemented to the animations).

It's entirely possible that Chris feels the need to recognize these other comics, because not treating them as "real" (in a sense), makes it more difficult for him to perceive CWCville as "real".

Chris himself, however, isn't above stealing other peoples' characters for his own nefarious purposes. In [[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!|correspondence with Evan]], Chris comes up with the mad concept that Simonchu (Evan's original character) had traveled to CWCville in an attempt to take his "sister" Simonla back to ECGville (Simonchu's hometown), but was defeated by Wild Sonichu. It's hard to tell what is more shocking: the fact that Chris felt the need to justify Simonla's fictional presence via the fictional conflict with Simonchu, or the blatant [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in misusing another person's character to push his own agenda. The irony is that Evan's main question is if Chris thinks CWCville is real, which this diatribe answered very clearly.

===The fantasy===
It's clear to anyone with eyes that CWCville only exists as a crutch for Chris's warped psyche. While Chris feels the need to retreat to his womb-like room, he cannot totally withdraw from his need for social interaction. Therefore, CWCville becomes an extension of his personal world, more real to Chris than what he sees as a world out to [[Kick the Autistic]]. He retreats from a world where he has no control to a world where he has total control, a world defined by his whims. In his world, he can decide the laws and mores of the citizens. In his world, he can stalk and loiter to his heart's content.

While many children fantasize about being President or ruling their own city, as they get older, they realize that without the dedication, drive, and personality, it's not very fun having so much responsibility. For Chris, "responsibility" isn't in his vocabulary. All that the mayor does is have power, paying no heed to the well-being of the town's citizens, economy, or education. Just pure power. He set the rules and to hell with anyone who disobeys him. You know what they say about how power corrupts even the best people…

===Video games===
The CWCiverse is populated by video game characters. Sometimes, however, these characters ''know'' they are video game characters:

* [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] dodging right and left with button presses in [[Sonichu Special 1]]
* [[Jiggliami]] referring to Blanca as "the [[Guitar Hero]] of this stage" in [[Sonichu 8]]
* [[Darkbind]] "leveling up with experience by practicing his swordmanship" in [[Sonichu 9]]
* …and let's not forget the whole confusing [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] trading card game bullshit in [[Sonichu 5]].

Normally, the rule of thumb is that characters shouldn't break the fourth wall like this, unless the creators are ''deliberately'' making a series based on multiple crossovers. Chris can't decide whether he's making an ''original'' story, or one that's a deliberate and blatant mix of different source works. Most surprisingly, despite the fact that the characters are aware of their video game origins and video games in general, the characters seem oblivious to their sources of influence most of the time, and we only get an epic backstory for Sonichu, Rosechu and subsequently the Chaotic Combo. Just ''why'' doesn't Darkbind question which video games he was ripped off from?

We can conclude from the actions of the characters that, in a way, the CWCiverse works a bit like a terrible version of the old Saturday-morning ''Captain N'' cartoon and its comic adaptation, where it was taken as a given that all NES video game characters and settings occupied one larger meta-universe. Likewise, in Chris's world, it's a given that Sonic the Hedgehog's universe intersects the Pokémon universe and the universe of whatever else Chris decides to rip off. Instead of video game characters teaming up to defeat video game antagonists, though, we get a mixed-up bunch of character combinations and recolors fighting villains who themselves are character combinations and recolors; ''Captain N'' characters are the same as in the source material and instantly recognizable for any Nintendo fan, while Sonichu ''pretends'' to be original, and people are busy figuring out where the characters have been ripped off from. Instead of a Zapper and a cool NES controller belt that Kevin Keene had in ''Captain N'', Chris was handed a boring power to do absolutely everything, limited only by his imagination (and boy, does that ''ever'' limit things). ''And'' there's no Samus. ''And'' it's no longer the early 1990s, so this weirdness won't be tolerated anymore.

==List of confusion==

# Sonichu is both a fictional "creation" of Chris's and a sentient being that is able to communicate through Chris.
# [[Mary Lee Walsh]] was replaced by a not-evil [[Wikipedia:Doppelgänger|doppelgänger]] sometime in 2000 in our world, leaving her free to wreak terrible havoc upon CWCville. It should be noted that it doesn't appear as though the real Mary was replaced by the comic version in Chris' mind, but that that the Mary Lee Walsh Chris met at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ''was'' the comic version, who was later replaced in the ''real world'' with a second, good Mary Lee Walsh.
# Chris's car is a Transformer.
# Chris is the TRUE and HONEST mayor of his fantasy land, elections are not held because he founded the town,<ref>[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]</ref> so there's no need for them. He'll be damned if he's replaced.
# His [[Patti Chandler|dog]] is alive. As a [[Patti-chan|bipedal anthropomorphic cartoon character]].
# Sonichu and Rosechu seem to have two different lives: One within the pages and one outside the pages, as evidenced by their marriage and children.

==Outside of the comics==
Chris's shaky grasp on reality extends beyond the comic pages. Somewhat subtly, there is his tendency to exaggerate or grossly misunderstand measurements of [[Duck|length]], [[Patti Chandler|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]]. When [[Chris humps his PS3|bragging about the size of his junk,]] he seems to claim that his glans is of normal length and his testes outstandingly small. When trying to show off his strength and fitness, he thinks that everyday objects like [[Power|chairs]] and [[11042009 51 50|twelve-pack cans of soda]] have absurdly high weight, and that it's impressive he can even lift two twelve-packs of soda at a time, or lift an office chair, or do [[30 Push-Ups|thirty extremely poor pushups]]. He once claimed that Patti's dog house weighed five to ten ''tons'' (and not in the hyperbolic use of the word), and that he managed to lift that. It seems to go beyond being incapable of measurement; he seems to think that since he's the hero, everything he does has some kind of epic element to it.

To date, the most telling evidence of this is the [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|Sonichu Presentation videos]]. The majority of his babble in this video is just typical delusions of grandeur: Sonichu is a profitable concept, Chris could direct cartoons, etc. Near the end though, things take a turn towards scary.

{{Quote|CWCville Shopping Center does get built... And it has a Mayor's Office... right here, above the... front of—up above the main front entrance of the building...|Chris, suggesting CWCville Shopping center might actually be built}}

Even if we accept Chris's vision of a world where Sega, Sony, Nintendo, and Cartoon Network all get behind Chris and let him turn Sonichu into a gigantic cultural phenomenon, and if we accept the concept that the Sonichu craze will become so huge that a physical mall could be built in its honor, why would that mall need a Mayor's office? Just as a tribute to the series, or does Chris really think he's the Mayor of CWCville, in dire need of his office?

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Patti Chandler

2010-01-18T23:44:40Z

Chupacabrazilla: /* Current Activity */ fixed a typo

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|right|thumb|150px|Chris really loved Patti. Seriously, he REALLY loved her.]]

{{Quote|My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]] }}

'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[CWC| Chris's]] childhood dog who died in [[2006]] of mysterious causes. Chris brought Patti back to life in one of his comics, where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for welfare in [[CWCville| CWCville]].

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Flying Dutchman|Flying Dutchman]] who was cursed to roam the seven seas, never return home, Patti is cursed to [[Patti-Chan|wander in CWCville]] as she is not allowed to rest in peace.

There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, five, ten tons".<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he [[11042009 51 50|honestly believes that's how much it weighs]].

When confronted about Chris's [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]] or when someone is trying to point out that Chris has [[Father Call|never once experienced true hardship in his miserable life]], he's always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his [[Aunt Corrina]] (who gave him Patti in the first place). Chris seems to only mention her as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a [[Ryan Cash|close family member]] and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.

According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a recent video]], Patti lives in [[CWCville|hell]] and feasts on [[Duck|human souls]].

==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
<blockquote>
 Patti Chandler
 March 17, [[1980s#1988|1988]] to June 27, [[2006]]

 Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
 My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven where she will be happier, because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Robert Chandler]], and the [[Scampers Chandler|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.

 I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
 -When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
 -The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.
 -The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
 -The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
 -The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
 -The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a "Bally-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.
 -The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
 -There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
 -I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead.

 When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Fail|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." [[Lies|As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."]]

 But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></blockquote>

==Current Activity==

Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and Belly-Scratches in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Dreams#The_Patti-chan_dream assure her former master] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. More recently, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Chris has averred]] that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg
Image:0052-Patti.JPG
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/PattiChandler Patti's YouTube channel]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's entry on CWCipedia]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Pets]]