CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Clefairy

2010-07-05T18:36:23Z

Clefairy:

{{Kitty}} {{Hikikomori}} {{Observer}}

AM I KAWAII? UGUU~

Mostly I sit here reading obsessively and looking for spelling errors, because it's probably the best way I can contribute.

I'm an artfag sometimes, but after seeing a lot of the 'fanart' y'all post, I'm all embarrassed.

User talk:Clefairy

2010-07-04T22:40:49Z

Clefairy:

how do i maked talk page? :( [[User:Clefairy|Clefairy]] 22:40, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

User:Clefairy

2010-07-04T01:49:32Z

Clefairy:

AM I KAWAII? UGUU~

Mostly I sit here reading obsessively and looking for spelling errors, because it's probably the best way I can contribute.

I'm an artfag sometimes, but after seeing a lot of the 'fanart' y'all post, I'm all embarrassed.

User talk:Clefairy

2010-07-04T01:47:53Z

Clefairy: Created page with 'how do i maked talk page? :('

how do i maked talk page? :(

Chris's mannerisms

2010-06-29T02:27:36Z

Clefairy:

[[Chris]], typical with many [[autism|autistics]], displays many unusual mannerisms in terms of awkward hand gestures, inappropriate physical responses, etc.

==List of mannerisms==
{{incomplete}}
*[[Stress sigh|The Stress Sigh]]: Chris often sighs to show the listener exactly how [[Stress|stressed]] he is. In print, he types out the word "sigh" too.
*"Mmm": Closely related to the Sigh, this content-sounding utterance is more of a happy way to begin a video.
*[[Claw of Fail|The Claw of Fail]]: A dramatic, villainous hand gesture Chris uses to show that he means ''serious business''.
*[[Pedo-Glasses|Dramatic Glasses Removal]]: Chris puts on his glasses so he can remove them dramatically, like David Caruso. Again. And again. It tends to kind of wear down the intended effect, and unlike David Caruso, he doesn't have kickass background music whenever he does it.
*[[The Creepy Stare]]: A blank to incredibly intense stare; often straight into the camera. Either intended to be threatening or alluring, but it only succeeds in achieving the name granted to it.
*The Autistic Shuffle: Like some people on the autistic spectrum, Chris finds pointless, repetitive rocking motions soothing. Whether sitting or standing, in some of the more [[stress|stressful]] videos he can be seen swaying back and forth when he's [[Greetings to Kaceys Folks|nervous]], [[Re_to_Chris_No_2_-_SHE_IS_MINE_NOW#Ian.27s_video|angry]], or anticipating [[For My Sweetest Ivy|sex-time]].
*The Salute: Chris occasionally displays a limp version of the Cub Scout salute (middle and index fingers pointing, ring finger and pinky under the thumb). Typically this appears when Chris wants to show off his patriotism and/or respect for someone, sometimes before he butchers some popular patriotic song.
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|The Important Fart]]: Chris has no problems whatsoever farting in middle of an important video blog update, but most people have already fortunately been bedazzled by his continuous, sleep-inducing, rambling droning. In this regard, Chris is a true illusionist, a master of diversion. Bet you didn't notice when he farted it in the first time when you watched the video? ''You only notice it if you watch it the second time.'' (Obviously this is not as neat a trick as making the Statue of Liberty vanish, but still, it's pretty fearsome. In certain circles.)

{{Mannerisms}}

[[Category:Mannerisms]]

Chris and the industry

2010-06-12T20:40:04Z

Clefairy:

{{incomplete}}

Chris has had numerous '''aspirations to work in creative industries'''. So far, he has expressed his desire to make [[Sonichu (game)|several official Sonichu video games]], and work on a real [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]] for a real comic publisher. However, for reasons best known to himself, he elects not to find out how these industries actually work, which is quite strange; one would assume that a person seeking a career in the industries would at least take ''some'' effort to find out how the said industries work.

== Publishing ==

In the [[Sonichu Chronicles]] and [[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his art isn't just good, but professional quality, and that he aspires to get into the comics and video game business. The résumé reveals his widely varied skills with both pens and crayons and his desire to work as an artist for a professional comic company such as Archie Comics or Marvel, creating his Sonichu comics. There is no word on whether or not he actually submitted anything to these companies, or if they replied.

Unfortunately for Chris, the publishing industry doesn't work this way, especially not in case of "original" creations. In the case of an original work, the publishers expect complete works to be submitted to them, usually through an agent. An agent's job is to separate the wheat from the chaff and find the correct publisher for the work, taking a small percentage of the eventual profit for their reward. If the publishers take unsolicited submissions, they have to sift through a gigantic backlog (often called "slushpile") of submissions of highly varying quality, most of which end up rejected multiple times before there will be a publisher with right market in mind and the right publication schedule to allow the publication deal to go forward. The whole process can take years in case of a single work.

If comic book publishers have salaried artists, they usually need to have a portfolio of previous work, usually work that has already been published commercially, or (if the comic house is ''particularly'' lenient, and most big names aren't,) there has to be evidence of a successfully self-published, high-quality comic. And even in this case, these artists usually only work on characters and plotlines that come from inside the house; it can take time before the artist is in any position to present their own ideas for comics, or use their own original characters. Even if he ''were'' able to stick in a company for a long time, he'd still need to improve his communication skills a lot; if the Sonichu Chronicles PowerPoint and various phone conversations are of any indication, he's unable to persuade his superiors that his ideas are worth working on.

In short, Chris is deluded if he thinks that any company will just pick him up and tell him to work on Sonichu comics.

Even ''if'' Chris does get in, there's also the problem with scheduling. Most comics are worked on far in advance, thus allowing for any changes concerning a book, such as plot problems, character availability changes or even cancellations. Even still, many of them maintain a certain schedule, either monthly or bi-monthly (one every two months). Very rarely do comics go bi-weekly (one every two weeks), though weekly series have been more common (DC Comics, for example, experimented with the weekly format in the 1980s with ''Action Comics Weekly'', which bombed and put the title on hiatus for a few months, returning it to its normal ''Action Comics'' title. Twenty years later, DC has churned out a number of weekly series, including ''52'', ''Countdown'' and ''Trinity''.)

Chris, however, has no schedule. His schedule consists of "whenever he has the inspiration" to work. That doesn't cut it. If Chris went with that alone, he would have a release schedule that would rival that of infamous artist [[Wikipedia:Rob Liefeld|Rob Liefeld]]. And where Liefeld, for the most part, could get away with it because he owned his own company at one point (and people have gotten him to actually do the work), if Chris pulled this kind of stunt, he'd be out on the street so fast, his head would spin.

Chris's understanding of [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] is a chapter in itself. Publishers want primarily original works, because securing the necessary rights to publish derivative works is often difficult or impossible. Chris has even [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris is an asshole|resisted attempts to educate him]] in this regard.

== Fan fiction and ideas from the public ==
Chris could approach Sega and Nintendo and ask them to make Sonichu games, comics and merchandise. This plan would also be doomed to failure, because none of the media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, it takes effort to sift through idea piles and they can't give equal amount of thought on the bazillion ideas fans send them. While the game companies ''do'' listen to their fans, they usually just want to know if the time is ripe for something they've been planning to do. (For example, no doubt a big part of the reason why the newer ''Fire Emblem'' games got worldwide release was because the fans of Marth and Roy from ''Super Smash Bros. Melee'' were wondering aloud "why the hell isn't Nintendo releasing these games outside of Japan?") They most certainly don't have the capability of starting a whole new game project just because someone asks. If the game companies respond by saying, as Chris so [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|eloquently put]], "rocks in his head", then you probably don't get a slice of their previous time for making a second impression. Simply put, Chris thinks that even when the companies aren't busy with other projects, they still have time to think of ''his'' grandiose ideas ''and those things only''.

Secondly, there is an age-old problem in a litigious society: A fan writes to the company and says "I have this cool idea", the company says "thanks, but no thanks", one of the in-house writers comes up with the exact same idea by accident, and boom, you have a fan who's suing you for idea theft, and even if that lawsuit will usually go nowhere, it wastes perfectly usable time, energy and most of all ''money'' that could be used for more fruitful ventures. A famous example is British novelist Terry Pratchett, who used to post in his Usenet fan group until one of the fans was convinced Terry had stolen his ideas.

Therefore, most media houses will just say they will not take any ideas from the public. Game industry is not an exception. This fact has been pointed out to Chris a lot of times (and at least twice by real Nintendo representatives, as evidenced by the letters he has read in the Captain's Logs<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009]]</ref>). Unfortunately, Chris misinterpreted all this.

Another thing that Chris disregards is the fact that writing games takes a lot of effort - in Edison's words, getting things done is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration'. Many good ideas don't get implemented. No one is going to invest energy in developing an idea alone if they don't know if the idea can be implemented. Game companies may be willing to negotiate a deal to use their properties (such as characters) in games developed by third parties, but those proposals are usually backed up by real companies, actual creative teams of developers, and serious, complete plans for games - if not outright working prototypes already. Even in the case the properties are tacked on the prototype later on, the prototypes are usually fully developed so that they can be used ''without'' those properties if the plans fall through. (Example: ''[[Wikipedia:Star Fox Adventures|Star Fox Adventures]]'' began as a game that was completely unrelated to Star Fox universe, but Nintendo felt the game was better with SF characters.)

Theoretically, it would be possible, though highly unlikely, for Sega and Nintendo to cooperate enough the make a game featuring a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid named Sonichu. They would not, however, need any input from Chris, or even his permission, to combine characters that ''they'' own. Think about it. Of course, the idea of releasing it cross-platform for ''Sony consoles'' remains yet another absurd and fevered dream on the part of Chris.

In the Sonichu Chronicles he gives [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] "permission" to use the cover to his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]] as the inevitable cover for when his game is created, even though it's several years old (and, in fact, even ''worse'' than Chris' current skill at art).

== Other publication channels ==

Chris hasn't even tried any self-publishing channels. The idea has only recently been addressed, with [[Clyde Cash]] posting Chris's comics on Lulu.com; Chris so far has only responded by encouraging his [[fans]] not to buy them, and to simply wait for him to release the "real" versions later. According to [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]], Chris has been fixing up his pages to be published on lulu, taking an unreasonable amount of time to accomplish this amazingly simple task.

The thought of monetizing his web comic hasn't crossed his mind either. People have been annoying – nay, ''harassing'' him with advertising he didn't approve of, yet when he attempted to replace these offensive ads with ads of his own, he simply put some random advertisements on his webpage ''without actually signing any sort of advertisement contract'' — the ads didn't make him any money. There are several advertising programs that allow individual people to put ads on their personal pages and make money out of them; some of these programs are even specifically geared toward webcomic artists. Many web comics have a donation box where readers can donate money to the artist via PayPal or similar services.

It also took a while for Chris to come up with the idea of drawing on-camera, and even then, he hasn't demonstrated it too often.

== Schedule slip ==
Most webcomics have a set schedule: some update weekly, some many times a week, some daily. Some webcomics update whenever the hell the artists get inspired enough to draw a comic, and probably reserve a whole forum for people who whine about lack of updates. Most webcomic artists that update the comic three times a week consider that schedule very demanding, and webcomics that update daily usually generate revenue of some sort (ads, donations, print versions, merchandise, what-have-you), allowing the artists treat their comics like a full-day job.

Chris has thoroughly embraced the point of view that the comic shouldn't have a set schedule and inspiration doesn't have a deadline... while ''also'' promising us that the comic would be updated daily. On 14 [[November 2009]], Chris promised that the comic would be updated daily, and he managed to fulfill this promise for a while. By the end of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris was already placing author-substitutes in the story telling people to quit whining about the lack of updates. This is obviously not a question of punctuality, but [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]]; Chris would avoid a lot of drama if he just admitted that there's no set schedule whatsoever after all. If one ''does'' consider this a question of punctuality, it doesn't look too good.

Chris also tends to update in spurts in an attempt to make up for missed days; this can range anywhere from three to twenty pages at a time. Most professional webcartoonists have a buffer of comics so that they can avoid this sort of thing, but the thought of doing so has apparently never entered Chris's [[autistic]] mind.

== Sauces ==
<references/>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and copyright]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], Chris's not-very-creative-pitch-like PowerPoint presentation
* [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]], in which Chris likewise fails to sell a project idea
* [[Sonichu (game)]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2010-06-12T20:28:18Z

Clefairy:

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 [[November 2007]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]]<ref name="ed">http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. Chris describes it in an ED edit as his "[[love quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit.

It's worth noting that the Backstreet Boys were a deliberately [[homos|homoerotic]] act, and before they were famous, they were called The Backdoor Boys.

==Song==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| image = {{#ev:youtube|-51Z5Q8hPbQ}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| Maker = Chris
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see the ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! * 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!"** 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I ain't never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the jerks 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821]</ref>''

==Music video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend")
| image = {{#ev:youtube|6azwhe8xhVI}}
| Stardate = 20 [[December 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| Other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|Sp Meed a Cute Girl, Audio Only]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance]]
}}</center>

Filmed in December [[2004]] to promote Christian's [[Love Quest]]. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "[[All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"

===Introductory notes===

Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler, age 22 at this time. I'll be 23 on February 24th, [[2005]]. [''clears throat''] Eh, anyway, uh, for over a year, now, I've, uh, been trying to attract an 18-to-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl]]—18-to-21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been tryin' for over a year to attract a girl—boyfriend-free girl—and I have [[fail]]ed.[Chris sits on the floor] And, you know, when you got—when you have so much—so many failures at this time, [Chris pets his Menchi plushie] you can't help but feel sad, you know? And depressed? And here it is, about [[Christmas#2004|Christmastime]], and, well, all I want for Christmas is a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. And, a'course, uh, during the time, I have, uh, been a—trying, I written a [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|few songs]], about my, uh, Love Quest. And, so, for now—for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh, two a'—two a'my songs. [''clears throat and stands up''] First one I'm gonna sing is one I've, uhh, made up first, wri'en my own lyrics to, into a tune to this song. By the way, [''points to [[Sonichu medallion]] around neck''] this, here, is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. [''???''] just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term. Anyway, here's my first song, called "So Need A Cute Girl."

[''Performs songs'']

[[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope [[Santa]] will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call my Chris in public—and... thank you.

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| image = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| Stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy|text}}, Drunk
| Shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| Other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

===Transcript===

(Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, [[Adult Swim|ALL HANDS ON ME]]. (There are no takers, just laughter)

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0WtTzvbz9e0}}
| Stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| Maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Typer = Song Cover
| Other Info = [[Sonichu: The Animated Series]] response from the real Chris Chandler.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Harry D. and The PVCC Girls - "So Need a Cute Girl" cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rOrKYhMjYKg}}
| Stardate = 19 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/dadatsointsoin dadatsointsoin]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
| Other Info = Includes animated video.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GDqJ4VuzhnU}}
| Stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/AngusHiggens AngusHiggens]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
| Other Info = Said to feature guest backing vocals from [[Liquid Chris]].
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43ixPWbo4Ug}}
| Stardate = 01 [[December 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/KennylovesArin KennylovesArin]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also:==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with Rage]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2010-06-12T20:27:28Z

Clefairy:

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 [[November 2007]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]]<ref name="ed">http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. As Chris describes it in an ED edit, it is his "[[love quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit.

It's worth noting that the Backstreet Boys were a deliberately [[homos|homoerotic]] act, and before they were famous, they were called The Backdoor Boys.

==Song==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| image = {{#ev:youtube|-51Z5Q8hPbQ}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| Maker = Chris
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see the ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! * 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!"** 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I ain't never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the jerks 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821]</ref>''

==Music video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend")
| image = {{#ev:youtube|6azwhe8xhVI}}
| Stardate = 20 [[December 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| Other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|Sp Meed a Cute Girl, Audio Only]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance]]
}}</center>

Filmed in December [[2004]] to promote Christian's [[Love Quest]]. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "[[All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"

===Introductory notes===

Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler, age 22 at this time. I'll be 23 on February 24th, [[2005]]. [''clears throat''] Eh, anyway, uh, for over a year, now, I've, uh, been trying to attract an 18-to-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl]]—18-to-21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been tryin' for over a year to attract a girl—boyfriend-free girl—and I have [[fail]]ed.[Chris sits on the floor] And, you know, when you got—when you have so much—so many failures at this time, [Chris pets his Menchi plushie] you can't help but feel sad, you know? And depressed? And here it is, about [[Christmas#2004|Christmastime]], and, well, all I want for Christmas is a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. And, a'course, uh, during the time, I have, uh, been a—trying, I written a [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|few songs]], about my, uh, Love Quest. And, so, for now—for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh, two a'—two a'my songs. [''clears throat and stands up''] First one I'm gonna sing is one I've, uhh, made up first, wri'en my own lyrics to, into a tune to this song. By the way, [''points to [[Sonichu medallion]] around neck''] this, here, is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. [''???''] just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term. Anyway, here's my first song, called "So Need A Cute Girl."

[''Performs songs'']

[[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope [[Santa]] will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call my Chris in public—and... thank you.

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| image = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| Stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| Subject Matter = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Crazy|text}}, Drunk
| Shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| Other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

===Transcript===

(Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, [[Adult Swim|ALL HANDS ON ME]]. (There are no takers, just laughter)

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0WtTzvbz9e0}}
| Stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| Maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Typer = Song Cover
| Other Info = [[Sonichu: The Animated Series]] response from the real Chris Chandler.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Harry D. and The PVCC Girls - "So Need a Cute Girl" cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rOrKYhMjYKg}}
| Stardate = 19 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/dadatsointsoin dadatsointsoin]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
| Other Info = Includes animated video.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GDqJ4VuzhnU}}
| Stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/AngusHiggens AngusHiggens]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
| Other Info = Said to feature guest backing vocals from [[Liquid Chris]].
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43ixPWbo4Ug}}
| Stardate = 01 [[December 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/KennylovesArin KennylovesArin]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also:==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with Rage]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

Chris and anger

2010-06-12T20:23:46Z

Clefairy:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|_aolN7WNKno}}</center>

[[Chris]] has '''anger''' management issues. These usually surface when he is under [[stress]].

== Causes of Chris's anger ==

[[Image:Rawr_fag.jpg|thumb|A typical fit of tard rage.]]

Chris's issues with anger may stem from being tormented in his early childhood by his [[abusive babysitter]] whom he was frequently left under the care of while Bob and Barb would go out clubbin' and takin' shots. She allegedly traumatized Chris by locking him alone up in a room full of toys when he was a year old. [[Chris's room|How ironic.]]

Another person who may be behind Chris's anger issues could be his father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Being Bob's son, Chris would likely be afraid to retaliate to the things Bob does that annoy him, such as very rarely washing his hands, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|making Chris remove videos from "the damn internet"]], and occasionally [[Bob walks in|cutting down the internet]]. Chris then takes out his anger on innocent, well-meaning [[trolls]], such as [[Clyde Cash]].

Another cause of Chris's anger is the fact that as of the time of writing, as well as long after, Chris is still a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]]. Being a virgin seems to make Chris feel like he is entitled to being allowed frequent moments of rage and seeing as he only manages to [[masturbation|jack off]] twice a week due to his bent [[duck]], he has large amounts of [[semen|testosterone]] stored up in his body he just has to [[Recycling|get out]]. Sexual frustration can make even the best of us a bit cranky, though never to this extreme.

Furthermore, Chris is autistic and therefore cannot understand the social restraints of anger. When he gets angry he sees no reason why he should not go positively nuts. This and the amount of bottled-up stress that autism produces usually means that autistic '''children''' are very short tempered. Chris, however, is not an autistic child - he is an autistic adult, and to be honest most other autistics have learned how to cope with stress in ways other than tantrums by the time they are Chris's age. Chris has not. Somewhat ironically, Chris's autism seems to cause him a large amount of anger, since the rest of the world will not acknowledge the 'brilliance' of Sonichu - which is apparently directly brought about from Chris's 'autism'.

But the one thing that causes Chris's anger, more than anything, is the lack of control he has over everything. His own [[ego]] refuses Chris to think of anything but himself, and when things spiral out of control, he gets frustrated. When [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob demanded that Chris take down the videos of their house]], Chris could only flail and tell him that he didn't know what to do, only to tell his "fans" to take it down for him. When [[Liquid Chris|someone pretends to be him]] and be more popular than him, he rages because he feels that its his popularity, not the faker's. When people [[Asperchu|poke fun at him]] or [[Mailbag 39|constantly question one's gender]], he goes into a hissy fit.

Chris's anger issues date back to before even the formal beginning of his [[Love Quest]]. In 2000, he was prescribed the antidepressant Paxil to help manage his frustration and anger, and he continued to take the drug for several years. Whatever effect his medication had, clearly it wasn't enough...

== Examples of Chris's anger ==
The way Chris expresses his anger can be considered [[autism|confusing]], to say the least. In one of his early fits of rage he began to shout [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] at several [[jerkops]] who were trying to kick him out of a local [[Walmart]]. Most normal people do not shout [[Megan|anime]] references at people who are making them angry. Chris, however, expresses anger like a retarded Internet tough guy would do, taking out his anger on a video camera seeing as he knows it obviously can't and won't fight back. This can be seen in one of his videos on Clyde Cash where he seems to be "Hulking up". He also used to beat people up in ''[[Soul Calibur]]''. On the other hand, even as he is seemingly scared from expressing his anger IRL, he seems to have outbursts when sufficiently pushed as well. Chris was at one point forced to take anger management classes sometime after his final confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. What happened during this epic struggle is only known in Chris's own words.

{{quote|"Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an anger management course and see a psychiatrist for a while. I was allowed back in."|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]}}

A great example of Chris's anger can be seen in one of Chris's most infamous videos, his "[[Youtube Finale]]". In this video Chris repeatedly threatens poor Clyde, claiming he will indeed [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|strangle him]] some day, even going as far as telling Clyde he will even commit this heinous and reprehensible act in a police station, showing Chris has no control over his angry feelings. The fact Clyde was only trolling Chris in an attempt to lash out at him for his role in the death of his late brother [[Ryan Cash]] shows even further how much Chris may still require a couple of anger management classes.

On several occasions, Chris has also shouted and screamed in videos, and concluded his argument with some sort of a heinous threat — and promptly followed this up with his trademark conclusion of saying "peace" and showing the peace sign, or with "Have a nice day", or something similar. Chris is apparently completely oblivious to the conflict between these extremes.

{{quote|I will be continuing my comics at the moment. But any FURTHER incident and not only will I STOP the comic, but I WILL go to the police. ALL RIGHT? Back the fuck off. Have a good day.|[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|Chris will strangle that Clyde Cash]]}}

Occasionally when enraged, his tendency to type important words in ALL CAPS becomes more prominent. Compare these two emails from the [[Miyamoto Saga]]—the first sounds fairly calm, though he does let loose one all caps phrase. The second sounds more angry and possibly a bit desperate.

{{quote|Also, Please inform Mr. Miyamoto, but I have just awoken Inspired Sonichu-Wise; I have figured out the Opening Title Movie for Sonichu's Adventure, the Prequel Comic for the possible Pokemon Lightning Version, and the monitary-type collectibles in Sonichu's Adventure; NOT RINGS, but C-Quarters (the main money) and W-Quarters (equals 10 C-Quarters).|Chris explaining shit nobody cares about}}

{{quote|Listen People of Nintendo, DURING MY LIFETIME, my family and I have invested THOUSANDS of American Dollars and Cents in Nintendo Video Games and Systems from NES and Game Boy to Gamecube/Wii and DS/GBA. I have also attached My List of Video Games I have in my collection; 90 PERCENT of Which were ALL BOUGHT BRAND NEW while available in the stores during its MINT Availability. SURLY you can spot back about just under 800 for our Trip To Seattle in advance.|Chris on his knees begging for money so he can fly to [[Redmond]], citing his extensive collection of Nintendo games as reason why Miyamoto should fork over 700USD}}

Other examples of Chris's anger show him taking out his tard rage on his [[Clown Doll]]. In the [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]] video a picture of Clyde Cash was taped to the doll and Chris beat it like a spoiled 3 year old who didn't get his way. He also attempted to rip off its head at one point, only to have it slide out through his greasy palms. Chris would attempt to bite the doll's head off again in the [[Sign Destruction Video]], but fans of the doll will be relieved to know that Chris is far too weak to break anything of value. In his video [[Chris Loses It]], Chris proves us that he's able to shred in half a small cardboard box but unable to go through light press-wood. The video also shows his poor acting skills only equal his overall stamina, since he's out of breath before the end of the first minute of the video.

{{quote|RRRAAAARRGGHH!!|Most of the monologue in the [[Chris Loses It]] video}}

Another recent example has shown that Chris can and will blow up at people even on the telephone. In his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey's father]], Chris quickly became rude to Matthew, especially when the man came down on Chris for his health and his attitude. Even worse, when Chris [[Kacey and Liquid Call|talked to Kacey and Liquid]], he came up in arms over Liquid's continued referral of "Ian Brandon Anderson" and was completely oblivious over the fact that Kacey was getting upset over the entire thing. Even worse, Chris attempted to hang up on both Matthew AND Kacey, only succeeding with Kacey because he got [[Barbara Chandler|his mom]] and dad in on the conversation. Both instances show that Chris loses his stammering and actually starts speaking normally when enraged.

Around the time when Chris opened the Mailbag to his [[Trolls|adoring fans]], another factor that causes Chris some notable grief was discovered: the mention of any similarity between high-functioning autism and [[Asperger syndrome]]. Chris has shown himself to be quite adamant that HFA and Asperger's are entirely unrelated, despite documentation by researchers suggesting quite the opposite. Whilst the anger related to this is of a far lesser magnitude in comparison to, for example, the Liquid Chris saga, it's still clear he's easily irritated by the mere mention of the matter:

{{quote|IF ANYTHING, the Asperger people ARE and HAVE BEEN NORMAL. They think they can one-up, or even match, autism with the Lack of Social Capability and their Clumsiness and such. THOSE Characteristics can be FAKED by them who are MOST NORMAL compared to us TRUE AUTISTIC PEOPLE.|Chris in his [[CWCipedia]] article on Asperger syndrome}}

It's surprising at first how irritated Chris is by this matter. However, the CWCipedia article makes it clear that Chris is angry at Asperger's sufferers for "stealing" the limelight from autistic folks such as himself. He seems to be of the opinion that those diagnosed with the condition are faking it to get attention, [[Chris and his ego|attention that he feels he deserves as an autistic person.]]

==See also==
*[[Virgin with rage]]
*[[Death threats]]

{{Health problems}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

{{Featured article}}

User:Clefairy

2010-06-11T23:52:10Z

Clefairy: Created page with 'AM I KAWAII? UGUU~ I sit here, hit random page, and search for grammatical and/or spelling errors, because I have no life but want to contribute. '''FUCKING ACE!''''

AM I KAWAII? UGUU~

I sit here, hit random page, and search for grammatical and/or spelling errors, because I have no life but want to contribute.
'''FUCKING ACE!'''

Kellie Andes

2010-06-11T23:50:12Z

Clefairy:

[[Image:0315-KellieAndesY2K.jpg|thumb|right|Kellie Andes (Circa 2000).]]
[[File:Kellie Andes 2010.jpg|thumb|right|Kellie Andes Today.]]
{{quote|I REALLY missed out on that when I could have had the chance to take it.|Chris, totally deluded<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Teenage Years]]</ref>}}

'''Kellie Lyn Andes''' (married name: Kellie Lyn Andes Stowel) was [[Chris]]'s crush in [[Manchester High School|high school]] that he met in sophomore year. They lost contact in mid-[[2001]].<ref>[[:Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|DVD, note 5]]</ref> Today, Chris thinks he had a chance with her but blew it due to [[naïve|naïveté]].<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Teenage Years]]</ref> For whatever reason, Chris now considers her to be his [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|High School Sweetheart]], despite the fact that the term is usually reserved for people that are dating, and not for retarded man-children and the patient women that tolerate them.

Kellie is living proof of how sad Chris's life really is. In a sad, vain attempt to remind himself of how his life used to be, Chris has remained largely unchanged since high school (when he had the most female friends he'll ever have), while Kellie has actually moved on and gotten herself a job, husband and two children.

==In the comic==
[[Image:Kellie Andes.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Kellie, upon discovering Chris's [[nudes]].]]

Kellie appears in the last page of [[Episode 15]] of the [[comic]] as someone who discovers Chris's [[nudes]]. In [[Episode 17]], [[Rosechu]] mentions Kellie as the one who informed her about [[4-cent_garbage]]. In reality, Chris admits that he only gave Kellie the honor of discovering the 4chan page in the comic.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P4.htm Sonichu 8, page 4.] Chris in an [[Blanca E-mails#Chris describes Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|email to Blanca]]</ref> It's highly unlikely she did in real life.

Some argue that she is also the inspiration for [[Kel|Kel's]] name. In [[Sonichu 10]] Kel is actually referred to as "Kellie"; while it's still possible they're not meant to be the same person (especially considering the appearance of "real" Kellie in episode 15), the spelling at least reinforces the idea that Kel is meant to be some version of Kellie. The fact that Kel is in love with [[Reldnahc]] (who is essentially a Freudian version of Chris) shows some more of his inability to get over women.

==Kellie on Chris==

In [[User:Delabonte/Kellie|recent correspondence]] Kellie confirmed that Chris is definitely not her type.

{{quote|I never liked Christian in that way. Christian is def. not my type nor has he ever been.|Kellie, laying it down}}

Considering she married a handsome straight guy who has good social skills, a deep voice, a muscular physique, and a job where he saves lives instead of mooching off welfare... then she isn't kidding. He also happens to be a [[niggo]], but that has nothing to do with it.

==Currently==

Kellie is currently living as '''Kellie Andes Stowell''' in Richmond, [[Virginia]], where she works as a firefighter alongside her husband. She is also the mother of a two-year-old boy and a newborn girl.<ref>http://www.myspace.com/57109479</ref> One can hope that she is able to sleep easy without Chris's figure haunting her dreams.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0312-KellieAndes97.jpg|Kellie, 1997.
Image:0313-KellieAndes98.jpg|Kellie, 1998.
Image:0314-KellieAndes99.jpg|Kellie, 1999
Image:0315-KellieAndesY2K.jpg|Kellie, 2000.
Image:0577-KellieWSchuSweater.jpg|For her 18 birthday, Chris made her...a [[Sonichu]] sweater (though it's possible that it's actually an [[Jimmy Hill|import]]).
Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|Chris with Kellie. Make note of the fanny pack, and the fact that he's licking his lips.
Image:049-Songs4Kellie.jpg|Nothing says "I love you" like a mix tape.
Image:0562-KellieAndesAllAround.jpg|Kellie sends a firm message to Chris by hooping a [[niggo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]