CWCki - User contributions [en]

Affair with Mother

2022-08-12T02:38:35Z

Corvax: /* Background and foreshadowing */

:''This page is about the affair itself. For the leaks in which Chris describes incestuous acts, see [[Incest Call]] and [[Incest Texts]]. For the subsequent legal consequences, see [[Jail Saga]]. For Chris's general stance on incest, see [[Chris and sex#Incest|here]].''

{{Honest}}
{{Misinfo|Chris is awaiting his trial on the felony charge of incest, not rape. Whether or not Chris's incestuous affair with Barb was entirely consensual is not known for sure. Along with that, the root cause of it currently cannot be verified, and Barb's mental state at the time can merely be guessed at. While reports often claim that Barb has dementia, these claims are entirely unproven and are based on circumstantial evidence in begging videos, where she may be playing up her frailty to elicit pity for more money. Letters where Chris describes Barb as being "zombie-like" and "sickly" also cannot be used against him in court unless he is first charged with rape, as they are purely his word.<ref group=note>Chris has currently only been formally acussed of incest, though this indictment may be subject to change when new evidence comes to light.</ref> In light of all of that, ''avoid calling Chris a rapist on this wiki unless he is officially charged, or has been fully confirmed to have raped Barb.}}

{{quote|Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, [[Honest Content|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother]].|Chris on [[Facebook]] in [[2016]]. Chris would act on his instincts five years later.<ref name=dream>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts]]</ref>}}
{{quote|You're supposed to say: "Turn me loose, you silly goose!" '''...You used to do that more flirtingly.'''|Chris while forcefully embracing [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] on a [[Twitch#CLog 04172018 - Buy My Toys|Twitch stream]], indirectly warning us of what was to come.}}
[[File:SoulBonding.jpg|thumb|An artist's interpretation of the act. ([[For Julie's Eyes Only|We can only imagine that Chris shouted "BARBAAAY!" at least once when this happened.]])]]
For years, trolls joked that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]], in his desperation to find a [[boyfriend-free girl]], would eventually turn to [[Barbara|his mom]] based on his occasional off‐putting comments about her and their constant proximity to one another. Few thought he would ever go through with the act, though — but Chris found a way to surprise and horrify everybody.

Chris and Barb's '''incestuous affair''' most likely began on 27 June,<ref name=call>[[Incest call#Transcript]]</ref><ref name=wct/> but [[June 2021 social media posts|his social media presence in]] earlier in the month, may hint at an earlier start to the affair. As early as 22 June, he began addressing Barbara by the unsettling pet name of "Barbie Chan", which may have indicated when he began to get intimate with her. After this date Chris claimed that he had sex with her once every three nights until being forcibly stopped by being removed from the house.

On 28 July 2021, during a call with [[Isabella Loretta Janke|Isabella "Bella" Loretta Janke]], [[Honest Content|Chris revealed the details of his sexual activities with his mother of his own volition]], also discussing it in text messages later that day. In those, Chris discussed stimulating his elderly mother with his hands, performing cunnilingus on her, and having penetrative sex with her.<ref name=deviant>[[Incest Texts]]</ref> He claimed that Barbara compared him favorably to her previous sexual partners, including Chris's father [[Bob]], who had been unable to provide her with an orgasm or stimulate her {{w|G-spot}}.

Files were leaked to the public the following night,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/oudn5m/chris_chan_admits_to_having_sex_with_his_mother/</ref> and social workers removed Chris from Barbara on the morning of 30 July.

In early August 2021, Chris was [[Jail Saga|arrested, officially charged with one count of incest, and is currently being held without bail – pending trial]].

Chris has [[Affair with Mother#Chris's Comments on the Affair post-incarceration|commented on the charges against him]] numerous times since his arrest. As can be seen below, he initially appeared to acknowledge that incest occured between him and his mother but later denied it.

==Background and foreshadowing==
{{Needs Updating|[[Lonely feelings]], [[Teen Troon Squad chats]]}}

[[File:July28BeautyArtwork.jpg|thumb|left|400px|Note the talk of "soul bonding" in the right-hand corner.]]

In general, the relationship between Chris and his mother has always been seen as a "little too close", likely due to his mother's overly coddling nature towards him in his early life all through to his adulthood mixed with the emotionally abusive control tactics she implemented against both him and Bob. It was keenly noted during the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie Saga]] that Chris had used the words "[[darling]]" and "dear", commonly reserved for romantic relationships, to refer to his mother.

Many Christorians have noted that potential hints or patterns that would indicate sexual activity between Chris and his mother have been made previously. In a [[PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!|2010 voice chat]] between various [[PVCC]] forum members, [[Kim Wilson]] talked about a discussion where Chris revealed he was spooning his mother on a regular basis. She also revealed that Chris told her that he'd once had a [[Dreams|wet dream]] about Barb as an Egyptian belly dancer. When asked by Emily if he'd repopulate the planet if he and his mother were the only two people left in existence, Chris went silent and then denied any desire to have sex with his mother.

[[File:SuitressRedditPost.jpg|thumb|"Top 10 Hottest Anime Moms Ever", a video Chris watched on 25 July 2021, days before he confessed to incestuous acts on his mother.<ref>Date can be seen in [[:File:SuitressTablet.jpg]]</ref>]]

As early as October 2015, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] noted that at Chris's plea arrangement for the [[pepper spray]] incident, Chris and his mother were touching each other in an unusually intimate and inappropriate fashion.<ref>[[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing]]</ref> As recently as 2019, Chris, whilst roleplaying as [[Magi-Chan]], referred to his mother as a "guilty pleasure waifu''[sic]''". Furthermore, in August 2016, Chris admitted to having [[Dreams#Mother_dreams|dreams of having sex with his mother]] in a Facebook post stating that "I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother".<ref name=dream></ref> Troll [[Arthur Spatchcock]] disclosed on the Kiwi Farms that following the [[2014 house fire]], Chris and his mother were routinely spooning. At the time, Chris denied any impropriety, stating "I am not a '[[wikipedia:Norman Bates|Bates]]'. OMG."<ref>[[Misc texts]]</ref>

According to both [[Bella]] and [[MKRNightVee]], Chris brought up the dreams of sex with his mother again to them in private conversations. In a 19 [[July 2021]] conversation with the [[Chess Club]] Discord server, Bella mentioned that Chris, during his phase of [[role-play]]ing as Sonichu, brought up that he had a dream of having sex with his mother, to which Bella replied that it was weird and questioned what it meant, to which an offended Chris asked if she was calling Chris weird.<ref>[[Chess Club Chats#Suicide Plan Claims]]</ref> On 30 [[July 2021]], MKR commented about the leak of the incest news, and mentioned that Chris had told her about sexual dreams with his mother, and that MKR dismissed it as one of Chris's many crazy dreams.<ref>https://twitter.com/MKR11217089/status/1421182090586988549 (archive: https://archive.ph/Scjbk)</ref>

[[July 2021 social media posts#Beauty artwork|Chris released a piece of artwork on his Twitter feed]] on 28 [[July 2021]], showing "soul-bonding" between an elderly Libra woman (which Barb is) and a younger woman that suspiciously looks like [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris's fictionalized counterpart]], clandestinely hinting at the horrifying affair that was just days from being revealed. (This only major inconsistency is that Chris is a Pisces, not a Gemini; he most likely mixed up his Astrology signs when drawing this.) [[The Suitress]] had also posted a screen cap of a video on Reddit, which Chris claimed that he had watched days prior to his affair being revealed.

Chris had stated [[Lonely feelings|in a conversation]] he had with [[Watchmen]] members that he had feelings of loneliness, and had wanted to get action on with a real, physical woman. Unfortunately for everyone, Chris's desires would lead him to a very dark place.

== The affair ==

On 27 June 2021, Chris began to engage in incest with his mother.<ref name=call/><ref name=wct>[[WCT DMs#New sweetheart]]</ref> Chris claimed he "approached her with care and caution," and that Barb even made the "first move."<ref name=call/>

When pressed for details on the dirty deed, Chris has shown an unsurprising lack of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] for his actions, stating that his actions were ordained by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus Himself]]. If anything, he was more upset that [[Bella]], [[Null]], [[Dillin]], and other people ratted him out [[Honest Content|after he provided a confession to a felony]].<ref>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref><ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref>

=== The gory details ===

{{Protip|[[Fabricated BDSM texts|Texts purporting BDSM roleplay]] are fakes doctored by Bella. With that said, this list is still not entirely reliable, as details may vary and because Chris is [[List of Chris's lies|typically not interested in honesty in these scenarios]].}}
[[File:SurrealIncest.png|thumb|A surreal depiction of the events]]
In case you have some kind of morbid curiosity of how the affair could have went down, here is a list of "activities" that Chris had allegedly done to/with his mother:

#'''Massages'''<ref>[[July 2021 social media posts#Signature sex move]]</ref> - Presumably full body ones since it included her thighs (and her face for some reason); this is probably the same type of massage he gave to [[Mia Hamm]]. Chris also claimed in a chat with [[The WCT]] that he had bought massaging oil, and made the claim that it is perfect to use on one's lover. <ref>[[WCT DMs#Massage oil and dream]]</ref>
#'''Kissing''' - Apparently did not involve tongues.
#'''Outer Course''' - Rubbing her pussy with his fingers and hands, this happened at least twice before the next step, probably more.
#'''Intercourse''' - By this, he means fingering her, it apparently hurt her when he did so.
#'''Cunnilingus''' - Eating her out, [[Chris and his ego|claims he's good at it]]. No information about if she returned the favour. <ref name=deviant/>
#'''Penetration''' - Vaginal, apparently with the use of a condom, he proceeded to get himself tested for STI's afterwards anyway.
#'''Cuddling''' - According to a letter from jail, Chris supposedly "cuddled" with Barb in the times of incest.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref>

According to [[Null]], Chris had been buying large amounts of sex toys and lingerie from [[Adam & Eve]] for several months prior to committing his acts.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPjmy3K7uT8</ref> What sex toys Chris potentially used, if any, is uncertain.

===Negligee===
{{Main|Negligee}}
[[File:CWCWithFanJun27.png|thumb|100px|left|A photo of Chris wearing the negligee in front of a fan.]]
Chris stated that he purchased a negligee and claimed that Barb approved of the idea.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref> This was eventually confirmed on 3 March 2022, when a Reddit fan posted photos of themselves with Chris in the negligee.

{{clear}}

==Rationalizations==
Chris has rationalized the affair in multiple ways.

*'''Divine approval''' - Chris claimed in the [[Incest Call]] that God told him the incest was okay.

*'''Soul-Bonding and Healing''' - In a jail letter that [[Emanuel]] told him to have sex with Barb in order to "heal" her and "cleanse her of her sins".<ref name=letter/> In a later letter, Chris mentions that "Soul Bonding does not necessarily constitute sex" which implies that it ''can'' be.<ref>[[Jail_Letter - 16_November_2021]]</ref> He described soul-bonding as "the Bonding and Union of Auras (Energy Fields) between at least two individuals."<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 June 2022]]</ref> Chris seems to be under the impression that if he didn't engage in this "healing" then Barbara would have died or being more heavily injured by her recent car accident, completely ignoring the fact that if Chris had not engaged in it, chances are Barb wouldn't have been in a car accident at all, since she wouldn't have been forced to drive on her own due to her son's absence.<ref>[[Jail_Letter - 11 January 2022]]</ref>

*'''Defense measure against Sockness''' - Chris claimed that "my having had sex is also a defense mechanism in regards to [[Sockness]] and what he had/may have in mind with me and being near me," referring to Sockness's history of scheming to have sex with Chris, and that Chris planned to use the fact of his affair as a "truth bomb" to deter Sockness.<ref name=soulbonding>[[Bella chats#Soul Bonding]]</ref>

==Awareness of wrongdoing==
Chris was aware of the illegal nature of incest. In August 2016, he read a news article on the topic of a mother and son charged with incest and commented over Facebook on it, defending the two and saying they should not be sent to jail.<ref name=dream></ref>

Five years later, in the midst of his own affair with his mother, Chris still demonstrated awareness that the action was illegal. While he desired to discuss the affair with people, he first concocted a cover story in which he used misleading euphemisms such as "lady friend" to describe his sexual partner and claimed that the supposed lady friend and Barb had met each other<ref name=spill>[[Bella chats#Chris Wants to Spill the Beans]]</ref><ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris describes his lady friend]]</ref> and he insisted on keeping the identity of the lady friend secret,<ref name=soulbonding></ref><ref name=null>[[Null DMs#Chris vaguely describes his relationship]]</ref><ref name=wct></ref> though he dropped hints such as age<ref name=soulbonding></ref> and employment history.<ref name=null></ref>

After a month of using his cover story, Chris decided to push further and tell someone that his mother was the sexual partner. He selected [[Bella]]. Before telling her, Chris first spent time trying to manipulate her into keeping silent on what he would say by use of a guilt trip.

{{quote|And I ask you Not to Overthink or ask for further details in pressing on. That is not a good thing to do.|Chris to Bella, 17 July 2021<ref name=soulbonding></ref>}}

Over a week later, Chris, ready to divulge his secret, first claimed to Bella that he was uncertain of telling her as he was concerned about the government hacking into the conversation, which backfired on Chris as this tipped off Bella into suspecting that he was about to discuss an illegal act.<ref>[[Bella and Suitress chats#Bella suspects incest]]</ref>

{{quote|I realize I am remaining and sounding distant on the questioning, and it will become more clear and obvious when I tell you, in-person, who she is.

I actually wish I could tell you over text or voice call, but the government and anyone with the tech can easily hack into those methods|Chris, prior to the [[Incest Call]].<ref name=spill></ref>}}

Within the same conversation, Chris recommended using the encrypted text/video call app Signal (having used it to communicate with [[Null]]), which Bella agreed to download.<ref name=spill></ref>

==Leaks==
{{main|Incest call|Incest texts}}
In the leaks, Chris admits that he and his mother engaged in substantial sexual activity, including Chris masturbating his mother, and engaging in penetrative intercourse with her. It is further alleged that his mother compared him to various other sexual partners, including Chris's father.

{{quote|Also made another attempt at rubbing her vagina, externally at first, then slipping in between the lips and rubbing the inner labia. Then she told me to stop. She's getting more used to being played with down there by hand.|Text message from Chris.<ref name=deviant></ref>}}
{{quote|And obviously those out of the eight guys, counting [[Bob|Robertchu]], before me were not hitting her G-Spot as much with their cocks. I had attempted the first night to rub her in there; i found her spot, but it hurt her. But, alternatively, I did find that at cunnilingus, I was good at it with my tongue|Chris comparing his sexual activities with his father's sexual activities.<ref name=deviant></ref>}}
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]

The leaked audio likewise contained graphic descriptions of sexual activity, which Chris alludes to as the veracity of "incest fanfics". The authenticity of the recording was confirmed by Chris to [[Dillin Thomas]].<ref name="admission">[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris confesses to Dillin Thomas]]</ref>

Prior to the allegations being revealed to the public, Chris informed [[Bella]], [[Null]], and [[The WCT]] about the fact that he found a [[boyfriend-free girl]], although he wanted her identity to remain secret. He offered multiple hints about the identity of his new [[sweetheart]], but told Null that he wanted him to figure out who it was. Null was initially skeptical of the incest claims, since the [[Idea Guys]] previously coerced him into recording a (then untrue) statement that he had raped Barb, and believed that this could be another instance of similar manipulation. Null hypothesized that Chris was attempting to protect the identity of his new girlfriend by making up an elaborate lie, but eventually came to realize that Chris had been having frequent sex with Barb upon reviewing Chris's hints.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220722125709/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/everything-chris-told-me-about-his-girlfriend.96659/</ref>

After this information eventually came to light, Chris indicated that it was "drama" and that he only intended to share the information to [[Messiah complex|test his followers]], who he trusted not to share the information with the public at large despite incest being illegal. Chris later compared Null to {{w|Judas Iscariot}} for "betraying" him by trusting him with such [[Honest Content]]. [[Chris and remorse|Chris being Chris]], he seems to be more upset over the fact that [[Honest Content|trusting people not to leak evidence of a criminal act]] led to [[Jail Saga|serious, life-changing consequences for him]] than the idea that he may have caused harm to Barb, and as multiple [[jail letters]] show, he does not have guilt over the fact that he did something illegal (not to mention he clearly hasn't learned from ''years'' of experience that [[Honest Content|constantly sharing personal information at the drop of a hat]], be it embarrassing or '''incriminating''' in this case, invariably comes back to bite him in the rear later on).

==Chris's Comments on the Affair post-incarceration==

During his recent incarceration Chris has communicated numerous times with members of the public via letters and telephone calls. Some of those letters and recordings which have been publicly shared contain commentary by Chris regarding the charges for which he is currently in jail. The first publicly available letter in which Chris touches on the subject of the alleged incest was written on [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|19 September 2021]]. In it, he appears to strongly imply that he indeed had sex with Barbara. Chris's comments on the affair are tied with his elaboration of his previously expressed delusions of Godhood. He reveals to have realized himself to be the present day reincarnation of Jesus Christ. The supreme Goddess Emanuelle had ordered him to to purify Barbara of her sins and improve her abilities as well. In his description of how this was done, Chris writes that he and his mother "mainly Cuddled, Soul-Bonded, and Talked." No sexual acts are explicitly mentioned, but the rest of the letter strongly implies that they were included in Chris's "healing" of Barbara. Chris goes on to write that the healing he performed on his mother was similarly done by him on other individuals during his previous life as Jesus Christ, though the details of said healings were omitted from the the Bible. Chris then goes on to inform the letter's recipient that "We Gods had eased up on the views of "Adultry [sic]"; WHY Else do you all have Pro-Gay, and Pro-Lesbian, Pro-Trans, and all Today and the past Decades?" While the word "adultery" is typically used to refer to marital infidelity, it appears that in this letter it should be read as "acts that go against traditional sexual morality". By grouping the "healing" of Barbara in the same category as intimate relations between members of the same sex, Chris strongly implies that the "healing" of Barbara likewise included romantic and sexual acts. Chris's defense of the "healing" on the counts that all those who were involved in it were both willing and above the legal age of consent further enhances the impression that it was at least partially sexual in nature.

While he 19 September letter was just a few baby steps away from being an explicit admission of incest, it did not take long for Chris to become more coy as to whether or not incest between him and Barb had occurred. In a [[Jail Call - 1 November 2021|1 November 2021 telephone call]] Chris failed to either explicitly deny or acknowledge that he and Barb had sex. The same ambiguousness regarding the truthfulness of the charges against him can be seen in a letter written on [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|16 November 2021]].

At some point Chris changed his tune and began to outright deny that there was any sexual intimacy between him and his mother. As far as public evidence goes, Chris first explicitly denied the charges against him in the [[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022|11 May 2022 jail letter]]. In the same letter Chris alleges that in [[May 2012]] Barbara made sexual advances towards him after he revealed to her that he had paid a prostitute a month beforehand. He goes on to write that after the death of Bob Barb came to see Chris as a husband-like figure. Further denials that Chris ever had sexual relations with Barb appear in jail letters written on [[Jail Letter - 1 June 2022|1 June]] and [[Jail Letter - 4 June 2022|4 June 2022]]. Chris does acknowledge that prior to his arrest he told others that he had sex with Barb, but by now he claims that those admissions were false. As he wrote in the 4 June 2022 letter: "I have never had sex with Barbara; that was purely Big Talk to Divinely Test everyone." Already in the letters from 19 September 2021 and 16 November 2021 Chris claimed that his pre-arrest admissions were made in order to test certain individuals, but only recently Chris began to claim that these admissions were false.

==Consequences==
{{Main|Jail Saga}}
It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest – sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration. Chris was swiftly removed from his home by an Emergency Protective Order, then arrested the next day. In the wake of his charges, Chris was [[ban]]ned from [[Patreon]] and [[Tapas]]. Collaborators who had once worked with him withdrew, such as the band who released [[Love is Love (song)|Love is Love]] pulling it from sale.

Since then, he was held without bail in Central Virginia Regional Jail before getting transferred to [[Western State Hospital]], awaiting trial.<ref>[https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Press release]</ref> On 3 [[May 2022]], Chris was transferred back to CVRJ.

If Barb consented, she could be charged as a willing participant. If Barb did ''not'' consent, as some have speculated that she may be incapable of that, Chris's potential sentence could be significantly longer given the severity of a rape charge.

===Chris and Barbara's relationship===
{{Needs Updating|Citations}}
Chris and Barbara's relationship deteriorated during Chris's stay in jail. In a jail letter, Chris mentioned that Barb had ceased communicating with him.{{cite}}. During summer 2022, Chris began to speak ill of Barb in his letters, insulting and making spurious claims about her.{{cite}} While still in jail, Chris began planning for his housing post-release. In light of a restraining order being placed on Chris preventing him from contact with Barb{{cite}}, Chris believed he deserved to live in [[14 Branchland Court]] over Barb, and requested his [[enablers]] assist him with a [[Kickstarter]] fundraiser to bribe Barb into moving into senior housing, claiming that [[Caden]] was helping with this scheme, and that it was his initial idea.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022]]</ref>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
|name = Poor Sonichu...
|ytid = WIZfv3scrx4
|stardate = 13 Feb 2022
|maker = Emperor Techno
|info = Warning: kinda spooky
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
|name = Chris-Chan and his mom every 3rd night since June 27
|ytid = mjARTrVL_0w
|stardate = 10 Aug 2021
|maker = American Goblin
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
|name = Sonichu Says NO Barbussy [Mitai]
|ytid = UHjdVEY7aqc
|stardate = 1 Aug 2022
|maker = EmptyHero
}}

==See also==
{{FanArt}}
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris and the law]]
*[[Jail Saga]]
*[[Soul Bonding]]
*[[The Binding of Isaac‎]]
*[[Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability]]

{{Notes}}
{{References}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{IncestSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}

[[Category:Articles with Jail Saga speculation]]

Affair with Mother

2022-05-13T03:24:23Z

Corvax: /* Background and foreshadowing */

:''This page is about the affair itself. For the leaks in which Chris describes incestuous acts, see [[Incest Call]] and [[Incest Texts]]. For the subsequent legal consequences, see [[Jail Saga]]. For Chris's general stance on incest, see [[Chris and sex#Incest|here]].''

{{Honest}}
{{Protip|Chris is in jail on the charge of incest, not rape. Whether or not Chris's incestuous affair with Barb was entirely consensual is not known for sure. Along with that, the root cause of it currently cannot be verified, and Barb's mental state at the time can merely be guessed at. While reports often claim that Barb has dementia, these claims are entirely unproven and are based on circumstantial evidence in begging videos, where she may be playing up her frailty to elicit pity for more money. In light of all of that, ''avoid calling Chris a rapist on this wiki unless this is proven''. Popular Christory is already muddled enough.}}

{{quote|Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, [[Honest Content|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother]].|Chris on [[Facebook]] in [[2016]]. Chris would act on his instincts five years later.<ref name=dream>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts]]</ref>}}
{{quote|You're supposed to say: "Turn me loose, you silly goose!" '''...You used to do that more flirtingly.'''|Chris while forcefully embracing [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] on a [[Twitch#CLog 04172018 - Buy My Toys|Twitch stream]], indirectly warning us of what was to come.}}
[[File:SoulBonding.jpg|thumb|An artist's interpretation of the act. ([[For Julie's Eyes Only|We can only imagine that Chris shouted "BARBAAAY!" at least once when this happened.]])]]
For years, trolls had joked that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]], in his desperation to find a [[boyfriend-free girl]], would eventually turn to [[Barbara|his mom]] based on the fact that the two were constantly in close proximity to one another and Chris made a few off-putting comments about fetishizing her. Few thought he would ever go through with the act, though – but Chris found a way to surprise and horrify everybody.

Chris and Barb's '''incestuous affair''' most likely began on 27 June,<ref name=call>[[Incest call#Transcript]]</ref><ref name=wct/> but [[June 2021 social media posts|his social media presence in]] earlier in the month, may hint at an earlier start to the affair. As early as 22 June, he began addressing Barbara by the unsettling pet name of "Barbie Chan", which may have indicated when he began to get intimate with her. After this date Chris claimed that he had sex with her once every three nights until being forcibly stopped by being removed from the house.

On 28 July 2021, during a call with [[Isabella Loretta Janke|Isabella "Bella" Loretta Janke]], [[Honest Content|Chris revealed the details of his sexual activities with his mother of his own volition]], also discussing it in text messages later that day. In those, Chris had discussed stimulating his elderly mother with his hands, performing cunnilingus on her, and having penetrative sex with her.<ref name=deviant>[[Incest Texts]]</ref> He claimed that Barbara compared him favorably to her previous sexual partners, including Chris's father [[Bob]], who had been unable to provide her with an orgasm or stimulate her {{w|G-spot}}.

Files were leaked to the public the following night,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/oudn5m/chris_chan_admits_to_having_sex_with_his_mother/</ref> and social workers removed Chris from Barbara on the morning of 30 July.

In early August 2021, Chris was [[Jail Saga|arrested, officially charged with one count of incest, and is currently being held without bail – pending trial]]. Since March 2022, Chris has been transferred to a mental hospital while he waits for his trial to continue.<ref>[[:Template:MentalHospital]]</ref>

==Background and foreshadowing==
{{Needs Updating|Idea Guy Influences, [[Lonely feelings]], [[Teen Troon Squad chats]]}}

[[File:SuitressRedditPost.jpg|thumb|"Top 10 Hottest Anime Moms Ever", a video Chris watched on 25 July 2021, days before he would confess to incestuous acts on his mother.<ref>Date can be seen in [[:File:SuitressTablet.jpg]]</ref>]]

In general, the relationship between Chris and his mother has always been seen as a "little too close", likely due to his mother's overly coddling nature towards him in his early life all through to his adulthood, mixed with the emotionally abusive control tactics she implemented against both him and Bob. It was keenly noted during the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie Saga]] that Chris had used the words "[[darling]]" and "dear", commonly reserved for romantic relationships, to refer to his mother.

[[File:July28BeautyArtwork.jpg|thumb|left|400px]]

Many Christorians have noted that potential hints or patterns that would indicate sexual activity between Chris and his mother have been made previously. As early as October 2015, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] noted that at Chris's plea arrangement for the [[pepper spray]] incident, Chris and his mother were touching each other in an unusually intimate and inappropriate fashion.<ref>[[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing]]</ref> As recently as 2019, Chris, whilst roleplaying as [[Magi-Chan]], referred to his mother as a "guilty pleasure waifu''[sic]''". Furthermore, in August 2016, Chris admitted to having [[Dreams#Mother_dreams|dreams of having sex with his mother]] in a Facebook post stating that "I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother".<ref name=dream></ref> Troll [[Arthur Spatchcock]] disclosed on the Kiwi Farms that following the [[2014 house fire]], Chris and his mother were routinely spooning. At the time, Chris denied any impropriety, stating "I am not a '[[wikipedia:Norman Bates|Bates]]'. OMG."<ref>[[Misc texts]]</ref>

== The affair ==

On 27 June 2021, Chris began to engage in incest with his mother.<ref name=call/><ref name=wct>[[WCT DMs#New sweetheart]]</ref> Chris claimed he "approached her with care and caution," and that Barb even made the "first move."<ref name=call/>

When pressed for details on the dirty deed, Chris has shown an unsurprising lack of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] for his actions, stating that his actions were ordained by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus Himself]]. If anything, he was more upset that [[Bella]], [[Null]], [[Dillin]], and other people ratted him out [[Honest Content|after he provided a confession to a felony]].<ref>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref><ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref>

=== The gory details ===

{{Protip|[[Fabricated BDSM texts|Texts purporting BDSM roleplay]] are fakes doctored by Bella. With that said, this list is still not entirely reliable, as details may vary and because Chris is [[List of Chris's lies|typically not interested in honesty in these scenarios]].}}
[[File:SurrealIncest.png|thumb|A surreal depiction of the events]]
In case you have some kind of morbid curiosity of how the affair could have went down, here is a list of "activities" that Chris had allegedly done to/with his mother:

#'''Massages'''<ref>[[July 2021 social media posts#Signature sex move]]</ref> - Presumably full body ones since it included her thighs (and her face for some reason); this is probably the same type of massage he gave to [[Mia Hamm]]. Chris would also claim in a chat with [[The WCT]] that he had bought massaging oil, and made the claim that it is perfect to use on one's lover. <ref>[[WCT DMs#Massage oil and dream]]</ref>
#'''Kissing''' - Apparently did not involve tongues.
#'''Outer Course''' - Rubbing her pussy with his fingers and hands, this happened at least twice before the next step, probably more.
#'''Intercourse''' - By this, he means fingering her, it apparently hurt her when he did so.
#'''Cunnilingus''' - Eating her out, [[Chris and his ego|claims he's good at it]]. No information about if she returned the favour. <ref name=deviant/>
#'''Penetration''' - Vaginal, apparently with the use of a condom, he proceeded to get himself tested for STI's afterwards anyway.
#'''Cuddling''' - According to a letter from jail, Chris had supposedly "cuddled" with Barb in the times of incest.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref>

According to [[Null]], Chris had been buying large amounts of sex toys and lingerie from [[Adam & Eve]] for several months prior to committing his acts.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPjmy3K7uT8</ref> What sex toys Chris potentially used, if any, is uncertain.

===Negligee===
{{Main|Negligee}}
[[File:CWCWithFanJun27.png|thumb|100px|left|A photo of Chris wearing the negligee in front of a fan.]]
Chris also stated that he had purchased a negligee and claimed that Barb approved of the idea.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref> This would eventually be confirmed on 3 March 2022, when a Reddit fan posted photos of themselves with Chris in the negligee.

{{clear}}

==Rationalizations==
Chris has rationalized the affair in multiple ways.

*'''Divine approval''' - Chris claimed in the [[Incest Call]] that God told him the incest was okay.

*'''Soul-Bonding and Healing''' - In a jail letter that [[Emanuel]] told him to have sex with Barb in order to "heal" her and "cleanse her of her sins".<ref name=letter/> In a later letter, Chris mentions that "Soul Bonding does not necessarily constitute sex" which implies that it ''can'' be.<ref>[[Jail_Letter_-_16_November_2021]]</ref> Chris also seems to be under the impression that if he didn't engage in this "healing" then Barbara would have died or being more heavily injured by her recent car accident, completely ignoring the fact that if Chris had not engaged in it, chances are Barb wouldn't have been in a car accident at all since she wouldn't be forced to drive on her own due to her sons absence.<ref>[[Jail_Letter_-_11_January_2022]]</ref>

*'''Defense measure against Sockness''' - Chris claimed that "my having had sex is also a defense mechanism in regards to [[Sockness]] and what he had/may have in mind with me and being near me," referring to Sockness's history of scheming to have sex with Chris, and that Chris planned to use the fact of his affair as a "truth bomb" to deter Sockness.<ref name=soulbonding>[[Bella chats#Soul Bonding]]</ref>

==Awareness of wrongdoing==
Chris was aware of the illegal nature of incest. In August 2016, he read a news article on the topic of a mother and son charged with incest and commented over Facebook on it, defending the two and saying they should not be sent to jail.<ref name=dream></ref>

Five years later, in the midst of his own affair with his mother, Chris still demonstrated awareness that the action was illegal. While he desired to discuss the affair with people, he first concocted a cover story in which he used misleading euphemisms such as "lady friend" to describe his sexual partner and claimed that the supposed lady friend and Barb had met each other<ref name=spill>[[Bella chats#Chris Wants to Spill the Beans]]</ref><ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris describes his lady friend]]</ref> and he insisted on keeping the identity of the lady friend secret,<ref name=soulbonding></ref><ref name=null>[[Null DMs#Chris vaguely describes his relationship]]</ref><ref name=wct></ref> though he dropped hints such as age<ref name=soulbonding></ref> and employment history.<ref name=null></ref>

After a month of using his cover story, Chris decided to push further and tell someone that his mother was the sexual partner. He selected [[Bella]]. Before telling her, Chris first spent time trying to manipulate her into keeping silent on what he would say by use of a guilt trip.

{{quote|And I ask you Not to Overthink or ask for further details in pressing on. That is not a good thing to do.|Chris to Bella, 17 July 2021<ref name=soulbonding></ref>}}

Over a week later, Chris, ready to divulge his secret, first claimed to Bella that he was uncertain of telling her as he was concerned about the government hacking into the conversation, which backfired on Chris as this tipped off Bella into suspecting that he was about to discuss an illegal act.<ref>[[Bella and Suitress chats#Bella suspects incest]]</ref>

{{quote|I realize I am remaining and sounding distant on the questioning, and it will become more clear and obvious when I tell you, in-person, who she is.

I actually wish I could tell you over text or voice call, but the government and anyone with the tech can easily hack into those methods|Chris, prior to the [[Incest Call]].<ref name=spill></ref>}}

Within the same conversation, Chris recommended using the encrypted text/video call app Signal (having used it to communicate with [[Null]]), which Bella agreed to download.<ref name=spill></ref>

==Leaks==
{{main|Incest call|Incest texts}}
In the leaks, Chris admits that he and his mother engaged in substantial sexual activity, including Chris masturbating his mother, and engaging in penetrative intercourse with her. It is further alleged that his mother compared him to various other sexual partners, including Chris's father.

{{quote|Also made another attempt at rubbing her vagina, externally at first, then slipping in between the lips and rubbing the inner labia. Then she told me to stop. She's getting more used to being played with down there by hand.|Text message from Chris.<ref name=deviant></ref>}}
{{quote|And obviously those out of the eight guys, counting [[Bob|Robertchu]], before me were not hitting her G-Spot as much with their cocks. I had attempted the first night to rub her in there; i found her spot, but it hurt her. But, alternatively, I did find that at cunnilingus, I was good at it with my tongue|Chris comparing his sexual activities with his father's sexual activities.<ref name=deviant></ref>}}
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]

The leaked audio likewise contained graphic descriptions of sexual activity, which Chris alludes to as the veracity of "incest fanfics". The authenticity of the recording was confirmed by Chris to [[Dillin Thomas]].<ref name="admission">[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris confesses to Dillin Thomas]]</ref>

Prior to the allegations being revealed to the public, Chris informed [[Null]] about the fact that he found a [[boyfriend-free girl]], although he wanted her identity to remain secret. He offered multiple hints about the identity of his new [[sweetheart]], but told Null that he wanted him to figure out who it was. Null was initially skeptical of the incest claims, since the [[Idea Guys]] previously coerced him into recording a (then untrue) statement that he had raped Barb, and believed that this could be another instance of similar manipulation. Null hypothesized that Chris was attempting to protect the identity of his new girlfriend by making up an elaborate lie, but eventually came to realize that Chris had been having frequent sex with Barb upon reviewing Chris's hints.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/everything-chris-told-me-about-his-girlfriend.96659/</ref>

After this information eventually came to light, Chris indicated that it was "drama" and that he only intended to share the information to [[Messiah complex|test his followers]], who he trusted would not share the information to the public at large despite incest being illegal. Chris would later compare Null to {{w|Judas Iscariot}} for "betraying" him by trusting him with such [[Honest Content]]. [[Chris and remorse|Chris being Chris]], he seems to be more upset over the fact that [[Honest Content|trusting people not to leak evidence of a criminal act]] led to [[Jail Saga|serious, life-changing consequences for him]] than the idea that he may have caused harm to Barb, and as multiple [[jail letters]] show, he does not have guilt over the fact that he did something illegal (not to mention he clearly hasn't learned from ''years'' of experience that [[Honest Content|constantly sharing personal information at the drop of a hat]], be it embarrassing or '''incriminating''' in this case, invariably comes back to bite him in the rear later on).



==Consequences==
{{Main|Jail Saga}}
It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest – sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration. Chris was swiftly removed from his home by an Emergency Protective Order, then arrested the next day. In the wake of his charges, Chris was [[ban]]ned from [[Patreon]] and [[Tapas]]. Collaborators who had once worked with him withdrew, such as the band who released [[Love is Love (song)|Love is Love]] pulling it from sale.

Since then, he was held without bail in Central Virginia Regional Jail before getting transferred to an unknown facility, awaiting trial.<ref>[https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Press release]</ref> On 3 [[May 2022]], Chris was transferred back to CVRJ.

If Barb consented, she could be charged as a willing participant. If Barb did ''not'' consent, as some have speculated that she may be incapable of that, Chris's potential sentence could be significantly longer given the severity of a rape charge.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
|name = Poor Sonichu...
|ytid = WIZfv3scrx4
|stardate = 13 Feb 2022
|maker = Emperor Techno
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
|name = Chris-Chan and his mom every 3rd night since June 27
|ytid = mjARTrVL_0w
|stardate = 10 Aug 2021
|maker = American Goblin
}}

==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris and the law]]
*[[Incest fallout chat leaks]]
*[[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
*[[Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability]]

==References==

<references/>

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{IncestSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}

Affair with Mother

2022-04-13T13:45:01Z

Corvax: /* Background and foreshadowing */

Jail Saga

2022-03-09T05:00:39Z

Corvax: /* Transfer */

:''This article primarily covers what is known regarding the Jail Saga. For answers to frequently asked questions regarding Chris's sentence in jail, go [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jail-state-hospital-court-faq.113466/ here].''
{{Ongoing}}

[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris's mugshot for his [[Affair with Mother|incest]] charge, Henrico County Sheriff's Office. Note how Chris almost looks ''content'' compared to [[:File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|his despondent mugshot]] [[26 December 2014|from after he maced a dude]].<ref name=sun/>]]

Following allegations in late [[July 2021|July]] and the eventual confirmation that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] had committed [[Affair with Mother|incest with]] [[Barb]], hundreds of people contacted the Greene County police, and authorities conducted a welfare check on the Chandler home, issuing an Emergency Protective Order on [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] the following day (essentially a temporary week-long restraining order). Chris was made temporarily homeless, and stayed at the Regency Inn Richmond for the meantime. Chris was '''arrested on 1 [[August 2021]]''', outside of the Inn. The arrest was captured live on stream by [[Orbiter Wave#Ethan Ralph|several onlookers]]. Surprisingly, given Chris's past history with [[Chris and the law|the law]], he made no attempt to resist arrest, and was cooperative with police.

Chris is in jail, not prison. Chris will only go to prison if he is convicted of a felony, and he is only facing misdemeanor charges (so far). Since 2 August 2021, Chris has been an inmate at Central Virginia Regional Jail and is awaiting trial for the charge of incest as well as pending charges yet to be identified.<ref name="press release"/> He was arraigned on 5 August 2021 and is being held without bond. Hearings in [[November 2021]] and [[February 2022]] resulted in continuances; his next court date is 28 [[July 2022]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate2>{{Cite farms|thread=112013|title=2/3/22 - Hearing speculation thread}}</ref>

On 28 February 2022, Chris has been transfered from the Central Virginia Regional Jail. <ref>[[:File:Transfer.jpg]]</ref>

Since his arrest, Chris's only contact to the outside world has been through [[Jail letters|written correspondence and phone calls]].

==Background==
{{See also|Affair with Mother}}

[[File:EscapeIntoMadness.jpg|thumb|''Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage: Minds innocent and quiet take That for an hermitage. If I have freedom in my love, And in my soul am free, Angels alone, that soar above,
Enjoy such liberty.'']]

It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest - sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration.<ref name=kvia>[https://kvia.com/news/us-world/2021/08/10/transgender-autistic-internet-personality-chris-chan-held-without-bond-in-mens-jail-on-incest-charge-involving-senile-mom/ Transgender, autistic internet personality Chris Chan held without bond in men's jail on incest charge involving senile mom]</ref> Despite rumors, Chris hasn't been charged for rape, and whether or not Chris's affairs were entirely consensual remains unknown.

In the early morning of 28 July 2021, Chris discussed having sex with his mother in a call and text messages with [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]. On the night of 29 July, the [[Suitress]] leaked the files. The next morning, as reports poured in, Greene County Police visited [[14 Branchland Court]] for a [[Welfare check|wellness check]].<ref name=sun/> They issued Chris an Emergency Protective Order, forbidding contact between him and Barbara, and by extension, preventing him from remaining at her residence until 5 August. Meanwhile, Barbara was relocated to a hospital for a senior care inspection.<ref name=removed>{{Cite farms
| thread = 96559
| title = Chris-Chan incest leak / Chris has been removed from 14 Branchland Court
| wayback = 20211006023749
}}</ref>

As a result of the protection order levied against Chris, he was without a home for the time being. Due to [[Financhu Crisis|ongoing financial problems]], Chris could not afford a hotel. [[Null]] advised him to sleep in [[Son-Chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|his van]] for one night, noting that Chris would have have the proceeds of Chris's GoFundMe (originally intended for Chris's trip to [[Everfree Northwest]]) transferred to his bank account the following day. Initial plans to stay with [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]] were disrupted after their invitation was rescinded - likely while he was already on the way to their home.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref>{{refn|
Chris told Null that after spending the night in his car, he would go to a mall as soon as it opened in the morning and loiter there.<ref name=NullTexts/> The two malls he mentioned, [[Leonard Bearstein|Regency Mall]] and Chesterfield Towne Center, are in [[Richmond]].<ref>{{w|Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)}} and {{w|Chesterfield Towne Center}} on Wikipedia</ref> This suggests that [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]], who live in Richmond's southwest suburbs,<ref>[[Miyamoto emails#Please Give Me $800|Chris leaks the Ashbys' address to Miyamoto-san]]</ref> did not rescind their invitation until he had actually gotten near their home.}}

On 30th of July, Everfree Northwest posted that "appropriate action to protect the vulnerable" will be taken; while not naming Chris, it is suspected that that this tweet refers to the revocation of Chris's invitation to the convention,<ref>[[:File:EverfreeNorthwestBansChris.jpg|Everfree Northwest tweet]]</ref> which Null subsequently confirmed. Due to the disturbing and lurid nature of the allegations, hashtags and topics such as #ChrisChan and #CHRISCHANDIDWHAT trended on Twitter, reaching 4th overall trend on July 30th,<ref>[https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chris-chan-sonichu-comic-creator-leaves-twitter-scandalized-latest-trend Who is Chris Chan? Sonichu comic creator leaves Twitter scandalized with latest trend]</ref> exposing a large number of otherwise uninvolved individuals to the story of Chris-Chan causing the [[Orbiter Wave]].

On 31 July, Null, who had access to Chris's email (with Chris's permission) since the [[Guard Dogs]] Saga,<ref name="marvinqna">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-chris-chan-extortionists.45366/post-3553571 Marvin answers questions regarding OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/operation-kingsnake.44345/ OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref> found that Chris had received $750.00 from Barb's bank account, meaning he had either contacted Barb or gained access to Barb's bank account himself, either of which would violate the emergency protection order. When confronted, Chris initially denied the accusation, claiming he had "managed to find blessings in the minimum abundance needed." However, upon further questioning he confirmed that he had had access to Barb's account for some time, contrary to Null's previous assumption that Barb had been in control of Chris's finances and not vice versa. Upset by Chris embezzling from his mother and lying to cover it up, Null finally cut all contact with him, reported the theft to authorities, and canceled the transfer of the GoFundMe money, arranging for it to be refunded to the donors.<ref name=NullTexts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris takes money from Barb]]</ref>

==Arrest==
{{quote|I am [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your [[Messiah complex|Goddess]] [[CPU Blue Heart|Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] and everybody. I keep in good faith that everything is going to work out.|Chris, while being arrested.<ref name=video>[[#Video|Video of Chris's arrest filmed by Killstream crew]]</ref>}}
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|500px|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]
On the evening of 31 July, Reddit user ''[[Chrisisaman]]'' located [[Son-chu]] at the Regency Inn in [[Richmond]], confirming that Chris was in the city and that he would be spending time in a motel.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210801045236/https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ovlys1/location_confirmed_10_minutes_ago/ Archived Reddit post confirming Chris's location]</ref> The next day, [[Post-Merge Era|a number of people]] attempted to observe or contact Chris there. Observers noticed police cars stationed at the motel, but because the place was known to have a seedy reputation, it was not obvious if they were there for Chris or for some other reason. These cop cars eventually left without arresting Chris.

The most significant of the observers was YouTuber [[Ethan Ralph]] who livestreamed himself and his friends [[Ween|driving to the motel to meet Chris]]. The group [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|ordered a pizza]] in the hopes of luring him out, but this was unsuccessful - Chris was apparently too busy messaging [[The WCT]].{{refn|The time Ralph was knocking on Chris's door - about 3:01 PM<ref name=snippet/> - is almost exactly the same as the timestamps on Chris's final messages to The WCT - 3:10 PM.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref>}} They then went about knocking on every door on the second floor (Chris had previously been filmed walking along the second floor balcony, suggesting that was where he was staying), but this was fruitless as well, and only led to the menagerie being ordered to leave by a [[Jerkop|motel employee]].<ref name=snippet>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-1-21-ethan-ralph-tries-to-drag-chris-chan-to-his-house.96772/post-9596798 Archived stream snippet]</ref>

Not giving up, the group went to the [[Wikipedia:Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)|Regency Mall]] (of [[Leonard Bearstein|'the bear']] fame) across the street, following (incorrect) speculation that Chris might be there if not in his room. While livestreaming at the mall they had an encounter with a police officer, who would happen to be one of the officers who arrested Chris (as Ethan acknowledges during the arrest).

Later that afternoon, Ralph was tipped off that four police cars had shown up at the motel. At around 6:00 PM, he got back just in time to film two Henrico County police officers perp-walking Chris down from his room, streaming the whole debacle for a live audience of over 3,000 viewers. While the police talked to Chris, Ralph sporadically yelled questions and comments, to which Chris occasionally responded.

Unlike Chris's previous run-ins with the law, he remained mostly calm and compliant during the arrest (possibly due to [[The WCT]] having [[WCT DMs#Discussing the incest fallout|advised him the previous day]] to co-operate with the police in the event of his being arrested), though he rambled about the [[Dimensional Merge]] to both the police and Ralph's crew, promising that the Merge was in fact happening right at that moment. The police then loaded Chris into a squad car and left without answering Ralph's questions.<ref name=video/> An additional POV shot filmed by an anonymous onlooker showed Chris climbing directly into the cop car - the last footage of Chris to date.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris-Chan Arrested
| ytid = i2ELbb6svD4
| style = {{Tragedy|[[Chris and stress|My Baby Blue Arms]]}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Autism|Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down]]}}
| stardate = 1st [[August 2021]]
| saga = {{Incest|text}} {{Post-Merge|text}} {{Prison|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|

''[Video begins with a shot of a neighboring car. A woman gets out of it with her phone. The song "Save Your Tears" by the Weeknd plays in background.]''

'''Girl''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': They're arresting her!

''[Ralph gets out of the car and walks toward the fence. The woman from earlier is now kneeling with her phone pointing at the motel. Ralph walks past her.]''

'''Ralph''': Sorry.

''[Camera zooms in on the motel, focusing on the second floor, where the police officers are walking Chris]''

'''Girl in background''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, they're arresting Chris-Chan here at the hotel.

'''Chris''' (yelling): (unclear due to chatter) ...For the internet, do not record this!

'''Ralph''' (yelling): Chris-Chan, what's up! Killstream, baby! When you get out, let's do the Killstream! Look me up!

'''Guy in background''': Let the charges drop! It's all about [[Null|Joshua Conner Moon]]!

'''Ralph''': Tell 'em all about Josh Moon, that's who they want!

''[Bystanders start yelling]''

'''Girl in background''': Give it up, Chris-Chan!

'''Guy in background''': Give him up... save yourself, girl!

'''Another guy in background''': Magi-Chan will help you!

'''Guy in background''': You're beautiful!

'''Ralph''': Look up Ethan Ralph, Killstream! I live here in Richmond, buddy!

'''Girl in background''': Go to church!

'''Ralph''': No, come to... come to the Killstream first!

''[As the cops walk Chris down the stairs, there is more yelling]''

'''Person below''': ETHAN I BOUGHT YOUR STICKER!

'''Ralph''': YEEEAH! What kind of shit is this? Holy shit! Oh my god, thank you!

''[The cops are now walking Chris past the motel entrance]''

'''Guy in background''': Got a (indistinct) here!

'''Girl in background''': Christian Weston Chandler, right here being...

''[Camera turns past a nearby building as Ralph runs toward the motel parking lot]''

'''Ralph''': Oh, shit, oh! You better hurry Jesse, you're missing out! [

''[The camera now zooms in on Chris and three police officers, now standing outside a police car]''

'''Police officer''':...oh no, (indistinct) transport in the front...

''[One of the officers says something to Chris that cannot be heard, presumably asking for his name]''

'''Chris''': ...Chris-Chan, or Sonichu, as they know...

''[Camera freezes for a couple seconds]''

'''Girl in background''':...Chris. (indistinct) Bring 'em...

''[A fourth officer gets out of one of the police cars]''

'''Ralph''': Hey, officers, how's it going?

'''Police officer''': How you doing? I just saw you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, that's right! That's you, oh my god!

'''Person in background''': Sorry about that, guys.

'''Ralph''': I told you!

'''Chris''': I'm going, I'm complying...

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Chris''': I'm complying, I am good like this!

'''Guy in background''': (To Chris) You are, you absolutely are!

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Ralph''': (To Girl) Yeah, I think so.

'''Ralph''': (To Chris) Yeah, you appear to be complying.

'''Chris''': I am Chris-Chan Sonichu, your [[CPU Blue Heart|Goddess Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus and Rosechus]] and everybody.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, you're live to about 3,000 people right now, Christian!

'''Guy in background''': How do you plead?

'''Ralph''': Well don't...you're taking everything in stride, you said you're doing good?

'''Chris''' : Yeah. I keep a good faith everything is going to work out.

'''Ralph''': Doing good, feeling good?

'''Chris''' : Yep.

'''Ralph''': How's the last few days been? I know it's been pretty [[Stress|stressful]].

'''Chris''' : Bit stressful, but... I've taken it one moment at a time and...I've got my...I've got my loves.

'''Ralph''': Well that's good.

'''Guy in background''': Do you, like, Josh Moon, like, did you dirty?

''[An officer begins frisking Chris, and apparently finds something on his waistband]''

'''Chris''': (To officer) Oh, well, that's just the one thing, that's a pin. Feel free, just go ahead and take it out, it's a picture of Muffins from ''[[My Little Pony]]''.

'''Guy in background''': Your [[Love Quest]] is over, Chris!

'''Chris''': (To officer) I promise like...I was not (indistinct) to fall... it fell off my bag, I did not want to lose it. And please, I would like that in my collection. (indistinct)

'''Jesse''': Hey, Ethan!

'''Ralph''': What's up, Jesse?

'''Jesse''': How you doing?

'''Ralph''': Boy we almost missed it, huh?

''[Ralph and Jesse laugh]''

'''Jesse''': I was wandering around the mall.

''[The officer starts searching Chris's left side]''

'''Chris''': Well, heh. He's not offering me any options there...

'''Officer''': I'm just letting you know I'm... (indistinct)

'''Girl in background''': I literally ran out to get that (chuckles). This is nuts.

''[Someone makes a noise in the background]''

'''Jesse''': Christine, this man does want to help you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, we were trying to get you on the show, but...look, when you get out, look me up, Killstream. I don't know if you know who I am or not.

'''Girl in background''': We're here to help you!

''[Indistinct yelling in background]''

'''Ralph''': We saw what Josh was doing to you, so we wanted to come try to talk to you.

''[The cop finishes his search]''

'''Police officer''': (To Chris) Do you have anything else on you?

'''Chris''': I have nothing else on me.

''[The police officer says something to Chris]''

'''Chris''': I understand. I have no weed, I have no drugs on (indistinct)... like I said, frisk me, there you go! (chuckles)

'''Ralph''': (Chuckles)

'''Chris''': [[Homos|That felt good]]!

'''Ralph''': (Laughs loudly)

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Police officer''': Alright, let's have a seat.

'''Jesse''': Christine, is the merge coming?

'''Ralph''': Aight...

'''Chris''': It's happening now, we're on the very last thread!

'''Ralph''': (talking over Chris) The Merge, it's happening right now, isn't it?

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now, it is.

'''Chris''': We're living it!

''[Chris turns to the officers.]''

'''Chris''': (indistinct) ...Batman into a hero.

''[Chris sits down as one of the officers points into the back of the police car]''

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now.

'''Guy in background''': Merge the dimensions, Chris!

'''Ralph''': Farewell, Chris Chan!

'''Girl in background''': (indistinct) The Dimensional Merge is happening right now, August 1, 2021.

''[Chris disappears into the back of the police car]''

[''End of relevant footage'']

}}

==Initial jail stay==
[[File:Henrico County Jail West.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Henrico County Jail West]]
[[File:Central Virginia Regional Jail.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Central Virginia Regional Jail]]
At 8:23 PM later that day, Chris was booked into Henrico County Jail West and held without bail.<ref name=charged/><ref name=sun>{{Cite web
| url = https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/
| autoarchive = 20210804202308
| title = Chris Chan arrested for ‘incest’ after claims Sonichu comic book creator sexually assaulted family member
| website = The Sun
}}</ref> On 2 August 2021, the Charlottesville CBS affiliate, CBS 19, reported on the case, following the release of a press release from the Greene County Sheriff's Department indicating that Chris had been moved to [[Chris's homes#Central Virginia Regional Jail|Central Virginia Regional Jail]], which serves several rural counties including Greene County.<ref name="press release">Press release on [https://www.cbs19news.com/story/44432363/suspect-arrested-in-sex-crimes-against-family-member-case CBS], [https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Facebook]</ref>

Calls to the Sheriff's Office confirmed that Chris was being held on a charge of incest. Notably, the charge against Chris is listed on the Henrico Sheriff's Office website as "incest with own child or grandchild",<ref name=charged>[[:File:Charged.png]]</ref> presumably because "incest with own parent" charges are too uncommon to warrant an option for them in the software.<ref>{{Cite farms
|thread = 96776
|post = 9613612
|title = Chris - The Legal Issues - A Prosecutor's Perspective
|user = TherapyMan
|wayback = 20210804182815
}}</ref>

The record for Chris's custody status initially labelled him as female<ref>[[:File:Chris custody status female gender.png]]</ref> due to him having legally changed the gender marker on his driver's license in 2016.<ref>[[:File:Christine license.jpg]]</ref> It was claimed by sensationalist media that Chris would be housed in a female jail,<ref>https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9859653/Trans-YouTuber-Chris-Chan-39-filed-female-police-housed-women-inmates.html</ref><ref name=tucker>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9PW_XVGWHw Tucker Carlson discusses Chris-Chan]</ref> though this was not confirmed by official sources. The custody status record was updated to list Chris as male without explanation and he was placed in a corresponding facility.<ref name=InsiderGender>[https://www.insider.com/chris-chan-arrest-jail-transgender-trans-woman-men-male-incest-2021-8 After her arrest on an incest charge, Chris Chan is being categorized as male in jail despite being a trans woman]</ref> It is noted that transgender inmates in Virginia are usually only placed in the prison of their identified gender if they have received sex-change surgery,<ref>[https://richmond.com/news/virginia/transgender-prison-inmates-5-to-6-times-more-likely-to-be-victims-of-sexual-assault/article_79c231fd-4d27-5a38-bc48-500301794348.html Transgender prison inmates 5 to 6 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault in U.S., study says]</ref> which Chris has not. On 7 August 2021, conservative media host {{w|Tucker Carlson}} briefly talked about the discourse in a [[wikipedia:Fox News|Fox News]] segment, exposing millions of retired, right-wing boomers to Chris for the first time.<ref name=tucker></ref>

Many observers predicted Chris would not take to an extended jail stay well. However, on August 5, the jail's Captain Hoffman told news, "I've had an interaction with inmate Chandler and it's been fine. Everything is okay."<ref name=InsiderGender/> This surprising revelation could be explained by a [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021|letter]] Chris sent from jail in early November, which strongly implies that he has been placed in some form of protective custody to ensure his safety. A [[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021|previous letter]] he sent in early October confirms that he is being fed well and that he has been able to purchase minor luxuries from the jail's commissary including playing cards, earplugs and a [[Muscle bra|sports bra]].

==Legal proceedings and communications==
The case is being handled by the Greene County Juvenile and Domestic Relations court.<ref name=ContinuanceDate>{{Cite farms|thread=105669|title=11/18/2021 - Court case continued into the new year}}</ref> Due to the sensitive nature of the court's cases, it is unknown what details will be publicly available.

=== First court appearance ===
[[File:HeilbergPortraitNew.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Chris's long-suffering lawyer, David Heilberg.]]
On 5 August 2021, Chris appeared before the court for the beginning of his arraignment, represented by Charlottesville public defender David Heilberg.<ref name=initial_trial/>

The attorney representing [[Greene County]] asked presiding judge David M. Barredo to deny Chris bond out of concern for "the community's safety and Ms. Chandler's safety." Chris reportedly interrupted the proceedings multiple times. He was chided by his attorney for shouting "[[Chris and his ego|I'm famous on the internet]]." He was sworn in to state his case for bond, but wasted his opportunity to speak by demanding to be allowed to pick up personal possessions first.<ref name=initial_trial>[https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html Internet personality "Chris-Chan" in court on incest charge] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210805180746/https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html (archive)]</ref>

Judge Barredo ordered Chris to be held without bond until the preliminary trial on 16 September, believing Chris posed a danger to both [[Barbara Chandler|society]] and himself. While Heilberg was informing the judge that he sought "[[Autism papers|evaluations]]" of Chris, Chris ''interrupted his own attorney'' by loudly stomping on the floor and demanding "[[List of toys|to get everything back home,]]” claiming "I won’t feel safe proceeding" until he could get the items back.<ref name=initial_trial/>

Judging by Chris's behavior, it can be inferred that Chris either did not fully understand or [[Chris and remorse|care about]] the seriousness of his charges and the possible [[Chris and negotiation|consequences]], or that he still expected to be saved by the [[Dimensional Merge]].

=== Continuance and letter from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter - 19 September 2021}}
[[File:Nullletter1.jpg|thumb|200px|The first page of Chris's letter.]]
Chris's next court appearance was to begin 16 [[September 2021]],<ref name=initial_trial/> but got a continuance before the hearing was even set to commence{{refn|The hearing was scheduled for 10:00 AM;<ref name=initial_trial/> news of the continuance broke at 8:31 AM.<ref name=time>{{Cite farms
| thread = 9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315
| post = 9988888
| title = 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance
| autoarchive = 20211022184458
}}</ref>}} due to the defense requesting more time to evaluate Chris's [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental health]], giving him a brief respite.<ref name=ContinuanceReason>{{Cite farms
| thread = 9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315
| post = 9990379
| title = 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance
| autoarchive = 20211022184106
}}</ref>

However, Chris, as always, managed to screw himself over where others failed. Three days later, Chris penned [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|a bizarre letter]] directed to [[Null]] and defense lawyer David Heilberg, in which he defended [[Chris and sex#Incest|incest]], ranted at Null for turning his back on Chris, and claimed to be [[Jesus Christ]] reincarnated, among other equally batshit statements.<ref name=letter/>

Chris evidently [[Honest content|never listened when he was given the right to remain silent]]. Before this point, while the prosecution had [[Incest Call|audio]] and screenshotted DMs of him confessing to the act, information collected from internet forums or leaked text messages can be unreliable in court.<ref>[https://www.mccarthyfingar.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/20120526100635-bar-journal-25-34.pdf A Primer and Problems in Admitting Electronic Records in Evidence at Trial and in Support of Motions for Summary Judgment]</ref> Chris's lawyer could have made the argument that he was coerced into saying those things ([[Chris apologizes to Gwen|which has happened before]]), or even argued that Chris's accounts were taken over by trolls, [[PS3|as they often are]]. These things could have gotten a potential jury to view Chris in a more favourable light and could also have secured Chris a lighter sentence, or even an innocent verdict if he could convince the court that he had [[Reality| simply imagined the whole thing.]]

With this open letter, however, Chris has shot both himself and his attorney in the foot. Any plans by Heilberg to make the trial an issue of mental health{{refn|After Chris's first court showing, Heilberg framed the case in these terms, telling media sources that his client was "legally disabled with mental health issues," and called Chris's online antics "a product of mental health issues causing misguided attention seeking and often provocative engagement with others."<ref name=MentalHealth>{{Cite web
| url = https://www.newsweek.com/chris-chans-lawyer-says-mental-health-issues-contributed-incest-charge-1617388
| title = Chris Chan's Lawyer Says 'Mental Health Issues' Contributed to Incest Charge
| last = Beresford
| first = Jack
| website = Newsweek
}}</ref>}} are going to be much more difficult now. In order for the insanity defense to be utilized, Heilberg would have had to make a convincing argument that Chris did not possess the criminal intent required for legal guilt due to his mental illness worsened by years of trolling clouding his judgement.<ref>[https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/insanity-plea Legal requirements for an Insanity Defense]</ref> Already difficult to pull off, Chris had gone ahead and made it near impossible by BOTH admitting to the crime and demonstrating that he was cognizant of his actions in writing.

=== More letters from jail ===
{{See also|Jail letters}}
In [[:Category:Jail Letters|additional correspondences from jail]], Chris provides brief updates on his current experiences and conditions in jail. He would also continue to double down on [[Chris and reality|his delusions]], threaten the weens to not steal things from his house, beg for money for both himself and Barbara, and demand his release from jail. In [[Jail Letter - 3 October 2021|one of these letters]] Chris rejects a fan's attempt to convert him to Islam. As with his previous replies, he draws comparisons between himself and Allah, and rants more about the [[Dimensional Merge]].

=== Second court appearance ===

Chris's second court appearance was scheduled for the 18th of [[November 2021|November]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref> Several fans attempted to attend this hearing, but were turned away by courthouse staff,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/qwr53j/tried_going_to_the_hearing_but_was_turned_away_by/</ref> as the hearing was closed at the request of Chris's lawyer.<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref>

Another continuance was granted, with the next hearing taking place after the new year, on 3 [[February 2022]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref> Chris spent the Thanksgiving, [[Christmas]], and New Years holidays behind bars.

=== Third court appearance ===
The February 3 hearing was also closed to the public and resulted in another continuance. As a result, Chris spent his 40th [[Christian Love Day|birthday]] incarcerated, and will also miss out on [[BABSCon]] in April provided the ongoing [[COVID-19|pandemic]] doesn't delay the convention a third time. His next court date is scheduled for 28 [[July 2022]], four days short of the one-year anniversary of his arrest.<ref>{{cite farms|thread=112013|post=11138163}}</ref>

The maximum jail sentence for a misdemeanor incest charge in Virginia is one year, meaning that if Chris's charge is not upgraded to a felony he will be released no later than 1 [[August 2022]], even if the case is continued beyond that date. If it is upgraded to a felony, he could be facing a [[Kick the autistic|much longer sentence]] (the maximum sentence for felony incest is 10 years, and the maximum sentence for rape is life), in addition to being placed on the [[List_of_places_that_have_banned_Chris#Looking_ahead|sex offender registry]] if/when he ever gets out. Many people suspect that Chris' lawyer is trying to get him to take up a plea deal with a year of time served, although Chris himself seems convinced [[Chris and his ego|that he will be found not guilty]].

=== Transfer ===
{{Apocrypha}}
[[File:Transfer.jpg|thumb|400px|Email from VINE confirming the transfer.]]

On 28 February 2022, the Virginia VINE Service confirmed that Chris had been transferred to another location from Central Virginia Regional Jail.<ref>[https://vinelink.vineapps.com/person-detail/offender/17312020;tabIndexToSelect=0 VINELink page]</ref><ref>{{Cite farms
|thread = 113715
|post = 11292959
|title = Chris transferred to another facility
|user = Turbocuck
|wayback = 20220302065944
}}</ref> Details regarding the circumstances that led to this, or where he has been transferred to are not known, but it's likely that Chris was sent to some form of hospital.<ref group = "note">VINELink can't track him anymore, so wherever he's been transferred to isn't jail. The courts are required by law to say if Chris was transferred to a prison. The transfer status would be "Released" if Chris was sent back to his house. When called, CVRJ says the information is "Privileged" which usually means medical.</ref> This could be due to a competency evaluation following his third hearing, or as a consequence of [[Chris and anger|a violent outburst or other such altercation]] with staff or inmates. While less likely, it is also very possible Chris was transferred to receive medical attention for a physical ailment, given [[Chris and health|his lifetime of poor diet, fitness, and hygiene choices]] combined with the [[Stress|stress]] of being incarcerated for seven months, primarily in complete isolation.

Someone claiming to work for an EMS would private message the CWCki Jerkop [[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] about Chris's record.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/feb-28-2022-chris-transferred-to-another-facility.113715/page-31#post-11335917 Kiwi Farms post regarding Chris's record]</ref> They would claim that Chris was transferred via ambulance with a law enforcement escort. They would also claim that Chris would receive narcotic sedative when needed. Chris may have been brought to Western State Hospital, which specializes in mental disorders.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/feb-28-2022-chris-transferred-to-another-facility.113715/page-15#post-11307353 Kiwi Farms post claiming that Chris was transferred to the Western State Hospital]</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Saves Chris Chan from Prison to Fight Clyde Cash & Liquid Chris!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-BCDY1xWcUM}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2021]]
| maker = sheWIND
| subject = Chris in jail
| type = Animation
| info = "Christine Weston Chandler, aka Chris Chan, mayor of Cwcville, is rescued by the demential merge after going to jail for hurting Barb by Sonichu to have a final battle against some of his strongest trolls, Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris!!"
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = chris chan in prison
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9Yq3D_ohKXw}}
| stardate = 3 [[January 2022]]
| maker = Antonio Prola
| subject = Chris in jail
| info = "......you know the how expression too many cooks spoil the broth? Well t- this was too many crooks! Too many CROOKS! TOO many CROOKS! And that ED page is one of those crooks. Every page. Every word. On the discussion page. Is a crook."

}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The end of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|I9mcnK0-u0c}}
| stardate = 6 [[March 2022]]
| maker = rossthef0x
| subject = Chris in jail
| info = "Well, it was fun while it lasted..."

}}

==See also==
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[26 December 2014]]
*[[Post-Merge Era]]

{{Notes}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{IncestSaga}}
{{PrisonSaga}}
{{Law}}

Jail Saga

2022-03-08T03:54:35Z

Corvax: /* Transfer */

:''This article primarily covers what is known regarding the Jail Saga. For answers to frequently asked questions regarding Chris's sentence in jail, go [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jail-state-hospital-court-faq.113466/ here].''
{{Ongoing}}

[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris's mugshot for his [[Affair with Mother|incest]] charge, Henrico County Sheriff's Office. Note how Chris almost looks ''content'' compared to [[:File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|his despondent mugshot]] [[26 December 2014|from after he maced a dude]].<ref name=sun/>]]

Following allegations in late [[July 2021|July]] and the eventual confirmation that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] had committed [[Affair with Mother|incest with]] [[Barb]], hundreds of people contacted the Greene County police, and authorities conducted a welfare check on the Chandler home, issuing an Emergency Protective Order on [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] the following day (essentially a temporary week-long restraining order). Chris was made temporarily homeless, and stayed at the Regency Inn Richmond for the meantime. Chris was '''arrested on 1 [[August 2021]]''', outside of the Inn. The arrest was captured live on stream by [[Orbiter Wave#Ethan Ralph|several onlookers]]. Surprisingly, given Chris's past history with [[Chris and the law|the law]], he made no attempt to resist arrest, and was cooperative with police.

Chris is in jail, not prison. Chris will only go to prison if he is convicted of a felony, and he is only facing misdemeanor charges (so far). Since 2 August 2021, Chris has been an inmate at Central Virginia Regional Jail and is awaiting trial for the charge of incest as well as pending charges yet to be identified.<ref name="press release"/> He was arraigned on 5 August 2021 and is being held without bond. Hearings in [[November 2021]] and [[February 2022]] resulted in continuances; his next court date is 28 [[July 2022]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate2>{{Cite farms|thread=112013|title=2/3/22 - Hearing speculation thread}}</ref>

On 28 February 2022, Chris has been transfered from the Central Virginia Regional Jail. <ref>[[:File:Transfer.jpg]]</ref>

Since his arrest, Chris's only contact to the outside world has been through [[Jail letters|written correspondence and phone calls]].

==Background==
{{See also|Affair with Mother}}

[[File:EscapeIntoMadness.jpg|thumb|''Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage: Minds innocent and quiet take That for an hermitage. If I have freedom in my love, And in my soul am free, Angels alone, that soar above,
Enjoy such liberty.'']]

It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest - sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration.<ref name=kvia>[https://kvia.com/news/us-world/2021/08/10/transgender-autistic-internet-personality-chris-chan-held-without-bond-in-mens-jail-on-incest-charge-involving-senile-mom/ Transgender, autistic internet personality Chris Chan held without bond in men's jail on incest charge involving senile mom]</ref> Despite rumors, Chris hasn't been charged for rape, and whether or not Chris's affairs were entirely consensual remains unknown.

In the early morning of 28 July 2021, Chris discussed having sex with his mother in a call and text messages with [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]. On the night of 29 July, the [[Suitress]] leaked the files. The next morning, as reports poured in, Greene County Police visited [[14 Branchland Court]] for a [[Welfare check|wellness check]].<ref name=sun/> They issued Chris an Emergency Protective Order, forbidding contact between him and Barbara, and by extension, preventing him from remaining at her residence until 5 August. Meanwhile, Barbara was relocated to a hospital for a senior care inspection.<ref name=removed>{{Cite farms
| thread = 96559
| title = Chris-Chan incest leak / Chris has been removed from 14 Branchland Court
| wayback = 20211006023749
}}</ref>

As a result of the protection order levied against Chris, he was without a home for the time being. Due to [[Financhu Crisis|ongoing financial problems]], Chris could not afford a hotel. [[Null]] advised him to sleep in [[Son-Chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|his van]] for one night, noting that Chris would have have the proceeds of Chris's GoFundMe (originally intended for Chris's trip to [[Everfree Northwest]]) transferred to his bank account the following day. Initial plans to stay with [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]] were disrupted after their invitation was rescinded - likely while he was already on the way to their home.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref>{{refn|
Chris told Null that after spending the night in his car, he would go to a mall as soon as it opened in the morning and loiter there.<ref name=NullTexts/> The two malls he mentioned, [[Leonard Bearstein|Regency Mall]] and Chesterfield Towne Center, are in [[Richmond]].<ref>{{w|Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)}} and {{w|Chesterfield Towne Center}} on Wikipedia</ref> This suggests that [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]], who live in Richmond's southwest suburbs,<ref>[[Miyamoto emails#Please Give Me $800|Chris leaks the Ashbys' address to Miyamoto-san]]</ref> did not rescind their invitation until he had actually gotten near their home.}}

On 30th of July, Everfree Northwest posted that "appropriate action to protect the vulnerable" will be taken; while not naming Chris, it is suspected that that this tweet refers to the revocation of Chris's invitation to the convention,<ref>[[:File:EverfreeNorthwestBansChris.jpg|Everfree Northwest tweet]]</ref> which Null subsequently confirmed. Due to the disturbing and lurid nature of the allegations, hashtags and topics such as #ChrisChan and #CHRISCHANDIDWHAT trended on Twitter, reaching 4th overall trend on July 30th,<ref>[https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chris-chan-sonichu-comic-creator-leaves-twitter-scandalized-latest-trend Who is Chris Chan? Sonichu comic creator leaves Twitter scandalized with latest trend]</ref> exposing a large number of otherwise uninvolved individuals to the story of Chris-Chan causing the [[Orbiter Wave]].

On 31 July, Null, who had access to Chris's email (with Chris's permission) since the [[Guard Dogs]] Saga,<ref name="marvinqna">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-chris-chan-extortionists.45366/post-3553571 Marvin answers questions regarding OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/operation-kingsnake.44345/ OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref> found that Chris had received $750.00 from Barb's bank account, meaning he had either contacted Barb or gained access to Barb's bank account himself, either of which would violate the emergency protection order. When confronted, Chris initially denied the accusation, claiming he had "managed to find blessings in the minimum abundance needed." However, upon further questioning he confirmed that he had had access to Barb's account for some time, contrary to Null's previous assumption that Barb had been in control of Chris's finances and not vice versa. Upset by Chris embezzling from his mother and lying to cover it up, Null finally cut all contact with him, reported the theft to authorities, and canceled the transfer of the GoFundMe money, arranging for it to be refunded to the donors.<ref name=NullTexts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris takes money from Barb]]</ref>

==Arrest==
{{quote|I am [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your [[Messiah complex|Goddess]] [[CPU Blue Heart|Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] and everybody. I keep in good faith that everything is going to work out.|Chris, while being arrested.<ref name=video>[[#Video|Video of Chris's arrest filmed by Killstream crew]]</ref>}}
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|500px|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]
On the evening of 31 July, Reddit user ''[[Chrisisaman]]'' located [[Son-chu]] at the Regency Inn in [[Richmond]], confirming that Chris was in the city and that he would be spending time in a motel.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210801045236/https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ovlys1/location_confirmed_10_minutes_ago/ Archived Reddit post confirming Chris's location]</ref> The next day, [[Post-Merge Era|a number of people]] attempted to observe or contact Chris there. Observers noticed police cars stationed at the motel, but because the place was known to have a seedy reputation, it was not obvious if they were there for Chris or for some other reason. These cop cars eventually left without arresting Chris.

The most significant of the observers was YouTuber [[Ethan Ralph]] who livestreamed himself and his friends [[Ween|driving to the motel to meet Chris]]. The group [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|ordered a pizza]] in the hopes of luring him out, but this was unsuccessful - Chris was apparently too busy messaging [[The WCT]].{{refn|The time Ralph was knocking on Chris's door - about 3:01 PM<ref name=snippet/> - is almost exactly the same as the timestamps on Chris's final messages to The WCT - 3:10 PM.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref>}} They then went about knocking on every door on the second floor (Chris had previously been filmed walking along the second floor balcony, suggesting that was where he was staying), but this was fruitless as well, and only led to the menagerie being ordered to leave by a [[Jerkop|motel employee]].<ref name=snippet>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-1-21-ethan-ralph-tries-to-drag-chris-chan-to-his-house.96772/post-9596798 Archived stream snippet]</ref>

Not giving up, the group went to the [[Wikipedia:Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)|Regency Mall]] (of [[Leonard Bearstein|'the bear']] fame) across the street, following (incorrect) speculation that Chris might be there if not in his room. While livestreaming at the mall they had an encounter with a police officer, who would happen to be one of the officers who arrested Chris (as Ethan acknowledges during the arrest).

Later that afternoon, Ralph was tipped off that four police cars had shown up at the motel. At around 6:00 PM, he got back just in time to film two Henrico County police officers perp-walking Chris down from his room, streaming the whole debacle for a live audience of over 3,000 viewers. While the police talked to Chris, Ralph sporadically yelled questions and comments, to which Chris occasionally responded.

Unlike Chris's previous run-ins with the law, he remained mostly calm and compliant during the arrest (possibly due to [[The WCT]] having [[WCT DMs#Discussing the incest fallout|advised him the previous day]] to co-operate with the police in the event of his being arrested), though he rambled about the [[Dimensional Merge]] to both the police and Ralph's crew, promising that the Merge was in fact happening right at that moment. The police then loaded Chris into a squad car and left without answering Ralph's questions.<ref name=video/> An additional POV shot filmed by an anonymous onlooker showed Chris climbing directly into the cop car - the last footage of Chris to date.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris-Chan Arrested
| ytid = i2ELbb6svD4
| style = {{Tragedy|[[Chris and stress|My Baby Blue Arms]]}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Autism|Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down]]}}
| stardate = 1st [[August 2021]]
| saga = {{Incest|text}} {{Post-Merge|text}} {{Prison|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|

''[Video begins with a shot of a neighboring car. A woman gets out of it with her phone. The song "Save Your Tears" by the Weeknd plays in background.]''

'''Girl''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': They're arresting her!

''[Ralph gets out of the car and walks toward the fence. The woman from earlier is now kneeling with her phone pointing at the motel. Ralph walks past her.]''

'''Ralph''': Sorry.

''[Camera zooms in on the motel, focusing on the second floor, where the police officers are walking Chris]''

'''Girl in background''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, they're arresting Chris-Chan here at the hotel.

'''Chris''' (yelling): (unclear due to chatter) ...For the internet, do not record this!

'''Ralph''' (yelling): Chris-Chan, what's up! Killstream, baby! When you get out, let's do the Killstream! Look me up!

'''Guy in background''': Let the charges drop! It's all about [[Null|Joshua Conner Moon]]!

'''Ralph''': Tell 'em all about Josh Moon, that's who they want!

''[Bystanders start yelling]''

'''Girl in background''': Give it up, Chris-Chan!

'''Guy in background''': Give him up... save yourself, girl!

'''Another guy in background''': Magi-Chan will help you!

'''Guy in background''': You're beautiful!

'''Ralph''': Look up Ethan Ralph, Killstream! I live here in Richmond, buddy!

'''Girl in background''': Go to church!

'''Ralph''': No, come to... come to the Killstream first!

''[As the cops walk Chris down the stairs, there is more yelling]''

'''Person below''': ETHAN I BOUGHT YOUR STICKER!

'''Ralph''': YEEEAH! What kind of shit is this? Holy shit! Oh my god, thank you!

''[The cops are now walking Chris past the motel entrance]''

'''Guy in background''': Got a (indistinct) here!

'''Girl in background''': Christian Weston Chandler, right here being...

''[Camera turns past a nearby building as Ralph runs toward the motel parking lot]''

'''Ralph''': Oh, shit, oh! You better hurry Jesse, you're missing out! [

''[The camera now zooms in on Chris and three police officers, now standing outside a police car]''

'''Police officer''':...oh no, (indistinct) transport in the front...

''[One of the officers says something to Chris that cannot be heard, presumably asking for his name]''

'''Chris''': ...Chris-Chan, or Sonichu, as they know...

''[Camera freezes for a couple seconds]''

'''Girl in background''':...Chris. (indistinct) Bring 'em...

''[A fourth officer gets out of one of the police cars]''

'''Ralph''': Hey, officers, how's it going?

'''Police officer''': How you doing? I just saw you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, that's right! That's you, oh my god!

'''Person in background''': Sorry about that, guys.

'''Ralph''': I told you!

'''Chris''': I'm going, I'm complying...

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Chris''': I'm complying, I am good like this!

'''Guy in background''': (To Chris) You are, you absolutely are!

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Ralph''': (To Girl) Yeah, I think so.

'''Ralph''': (To Chris) Yeah, you appear to be complying.

'''Chris''': I am Chris-Chan Sonichu, your [[CPU Blue Heart|Goddess Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus and Rosechus]] and everybody.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, you're live to about 3,000 people right now, Christian!

'''Guy in background''': How do you plead?

'''Ralph''': Well don't...you're taking everything in stride, you said you're doing good?

'''Chris''' : Yeah. I keep a good faith everything is going to work out.

'''Ralph''': Doing good, feeling good?

'''Chris''' : Yep.

'''Ralph''': How's the last few days been? I know it's been pretty [[Stress|stressful]].

'''Chris''' : Bit stressful, but... I've taken it one moment at a time and...I've got my...I've got my loves.

'''Ralph''': Well that's good.

'''Guy in background''': Do you, like, Josh Moon, like, did you dirty?

''[An officer begins frisking Chris, and apparently finds something on his waistband]''

'''Chris''': (To officer) Oh, well, that's just the one thing, that's a pin. Feel free, just go ahead and take it out, it's a picture of Muffins from ''[[My Little Pony]]''.

'''Guy in background''': Your [[Love Quest]] is over, Chris!

'''Chris''': (To officer) I promise like...I was not (indistinct) to fall... it fell off my bag, I did not want to lose it. And please, I would like that in my collection. (indistinct)

'''Jesse''': Hey, Ethan!

'''Ralph''': What's up, Jesse?

'''Jesse''': How you doing?

'''Ralph''': Boy we almost missed it, huh?

''[Ralph and Jesse laugh]''

'''Jesse''': I was wandering around the mall.

''[The officer starts searching Chris's left side]''

'''Chris''': Well, heh. He's not offering me any options there...

'''Officer''': I'm just letting you know I'm... (indistinct)

'''Girl in background''': I literally ran out to get that (chuckles). This is nuts.

''[Someone makes a noise in the background]''

'''Jesse''': Christine, this man does want to help you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, we were trying to get you on the show, but...look, when you get out, look me up, Killstream. I don't know if you know who I am or not.

'''Girl in background''': We're here to help you!

''[Indistinct yelling in background]''

'''Ralph''': We saw what Josh was doing to you, so we wanted to come try to talk to you.

''[The cop finishes his search]''

'''Police officer''': (To Chris) Do you have anything else on you?

'''Chris''': I have nothing else on me.

''[The police officer says something to Chris]''

'''Chris''': I understand. I have no weed, I have no drugs on (indistinct)... like I said, frisk me, there you go! (chuckles)

'''Ralph''': (Chuckles)

'''Chris''': [[Homos|That felt good]]!

'''Ralph''': (Laughs loudly)

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Police officer''': Alright, let's have a seat.

'''Jesse''': Christine, is the merge coming?

'''Ralph''': Aight...

'''Chris''': It's happening now, we're on the very last thread!

'''Ralph''': (talking over Chris) The Merge, it's happening right now, isn't it?

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now, it is.

'''Chris''': We're living it!

''[Chris turns to the officers.]''

'''Chris''': (indistinct) ...Batman into a hero.

''[Chris sits down as one of the officers points into the back of the police car]''

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now.

'''Guy in background''': Merge the dimensions, Chris!

'''Ralph''': Farewell, Chris Chan!

'''Girl in background''': (indistinct) The Dimensional Merge is happening right now, August 1, 2021.

''[Chris disappears into the back of the police car]''

[''End of relevant footage'']

}}

==Initial jail stay==
[[File:Henrico County Jail West.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Henrico County Jail West]]
[[File:Central Virginia Regional Jail.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Central Virginia Regional Jail]]
At 8:23 PM later that day, Chris was booked into Henrico County Jail West and held without bail.<ref name=charged/><ref name=sun>{{Cite web
| url = https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/
| autoarchive = 20210804202308
| title = Chris Chan arrested for ‘incest’ after claims Sonichu comic book creator sexually assaulted family member
| website = The Sun
}}</ref> On 2 August 2021, the Charlottesville CBS affiliate, CBS 19, reported on the case, following the release of a press release from the Greene County Sheriff's Department indicating that Chris had been moved to [[Chris's homes#Central Virginia Regional Jail|Central Virginia Regional Jail]], which serves several rural counties including Greene County.<ref name="press release">Press release on [https://www.cbs19news.com/story/44432363/suspect-arrested-in-sex-crimes-against-family-member-case CBS], [https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Facebook]</ref>

Calls to the Sheriff's Office confirmed that Chris was being held on a charge of incest. Notably, the charge against Chris is listed on the Henrico Sheriff's Office website as "incest with own child or grandchild",<ref name=charged>[[:File:Charged.png]]</ref> presumably because "incest with own parent" charges are too uncommon to warrant an option for them in the software.<ref>{{Cite farms
|thread = 96776
|post = 9613612
|title = Chris - The Legal Issues - A Prosecutor's Perspective
|user = TherapyMan
|wayback = 20210804182815
}}</ref>

The record for Chris's custody status initially labelled him as female<ref>[[:File:Chris custody status female gender.png]]</ref> due to him having legally changed the gender marker on his driver's license in 2016.<ref>[[:File:Christine license.jpg]]</ref> It was claimed by sensationalist media that Chris would be housed in a female jail,<ref>https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9859653/Trans-YouTuber-Chris-Chan-39-filed-female-police-housed-women-inmates.html</ref><ref name=tucker>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9PW_XVGWHw Tucker Carlson discusses Chris-Chan]</ref> though this was not confirmed by official sources. The custody status record was updated to list Chris as male without explanation and he was placed in a corresponding facility.<ref name=InsiderGender>[https://www.insider.com/chris-chan-arrest-jail-transgender-trans-woman-men-male-incest-2021-8 After her arrest on an incest charge, Chris Chan is being categorized as male in jail despite being a trans woman]</ref> It is noted that transgender inmates in Virginia are usually only placed in the prison of their identified gender if they have received sex-change surgery,<ref>[https://richmond.com/news/virginia/transgender-prison-inmates-5-to-6-times-more-likely-to-be-victims-of-sexual-assault/article_79c231fd-4d27-5a38-bc48-500301794348.html Transgender prison inmates 5 to 6 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault in U.S., study says]</ref> which Chris has not. On 7 August 2021, conservative media host {{w|Tucker Carlson}} briefly talked about the discourse in a [[wikipedia:Fox News|Fox News]] segment, exposing millions of retired, right-wing boomers to Chris for the first time.<ref name=tucker></ref>

Many observers predicted Chris would not take to an extended jail stay well. However, on August 5, the jail's Captain Hoffman told news, "I've had an interaction with inmate Chandler and it's been fine. Everything is okay."<ref name=InsiderGender/> This surprising revelation could be explained by a [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021|letter]] Chris sent from jail in early November, which strongly implies that he has been placed in some form of protective custody to ensure his safety. A [[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021|previous letter]] he sent in early October confirms that he is being fed well and that he has been able to purchase minor luxuries from the jail's commissary including playing cards, earplugs and a [[Muscle bra|sports bra]].

==Legal proceedings and communications==
The case is being handled by the Greene County Juvenile and Domestic Relations court.<ref name=ContinuanceDate>{{Cite farms|thread=105669|title=11/18/2021 - Court case continued into the new year}}</ref> Due to the sensitive nature of the court's cases, it is unknown what details will be publicly available.

=== First court appearance ===
[[File:HeilbergPortraitNew.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Chris's long-suffering lawyer, David Heilberg.]]
On 5 August 2021, Chris appeared before the court for the beginning of his arraignment, represented by Charlottesville public defender David Heilberg.<ref name=initial_trial/>

The attorney representing [[Greene County]] asked presiding judge David M. Barredo to deny Chris bond out of concern for "the community's safety and Ms. Chandler's safety." Chris reportedly interrupted the proceedings multiple times. He was chided by his attorney for shouting "[[Chris and his ego|I'm famous on the internet]]." He was sworn in to state his case for bond, but wasted his opportunity to speak by demanding to be allowed to pick up personal possessions first.<ref name=initial_trial>[https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html Internet personality "Chris-Chan" in court on incest charge] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210805180746/https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html (archive)]</ref>

Judge Barredo ordered Chris to be held without bond until the preliminary trial on 16 September, believing Chris posed a danger to both [[Barbara Chandler|society]] and himself. While Heilberg was informing the judge that he sought "[[Autism papers|evaluations]]" of Chris, Chris ''interrupted his own attorney'' by loudly stomping on the floor and demanding "[[List of toys|to get everything back home,]]” claiming "I won’t feel safe proceeding" until he could get the items back.<ref name=initial_trial/>

Judging by Chris's behavior, it can be inferred that Chris either did not fully understand or [[Chris and remorse|care about]] the seriousness of his charges and the possible [[Chris and negotiation|consequences]], or that he still expected to be saved by the [[Dimensional Merge]].

=== Continuance and letter from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter - 19 September 2021}}
[[File:Nullletter1.jpg|thumb|200px|The first page of Chris's letter.]]
Chris's next court appearance was to begin 16 [[September 2021]],<ref name=initial_trial/> but got a continuance before the hearing was even set to commence{{refn|The hearing was scheduled for 10:00 AM;<ref name=initial_trial/> news of the continuance broke at 8:31 AM.<ref name=time>{{Cite farms
| thread = 9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315
| post = 9988888
| title = 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance
| autoarchive = 20211022184458
}}</ref>}} due to the defense requesting more time to evaluate Chris's [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental health]], giving him a brief respite.<ref name=ContinuanceReason>{{Cite farms
| thread = 9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315
| post = 9990379
| title = 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance
| autoarchive = 20211022184106
}}</ref>

However, Chris, as always, managed to screw himself over where others failed. Three days later, Chris penned [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|a bizarre letter]] directed to [[Null]] and defense lawyer David Heilberg, in which he defended [[Chris and sex#Incest|incest]], ranted at Null for turning his back on Chris, and claimed to be [[Jesus Christ]] reincarnated, among other equally batshit statements.<ref name=letter/>

Chris evidently [[Honest content|never listened when he was given the right to remain silent]]. Before this point, while the prosecution had [[Incest Call|audio]] and screenshotted DMs of him confessing to the act, information collected from internet forums or leaked text messages can be unreliable in court.<ref>[https://www.mccarthyfingar.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/20120526100635-bar-journal-25-34.pdf A Primer and Problems in Admitting Electronic Records in Evidence at Trial and in Support of Motions for Summary Judgment]</ref> Chris's lawyer could have made the argument that he was coerced into saying those things ([[Chris apologizes to Gwen|which has happened before]]), or even argued that Chris's accounts were taken over by trolls, [[PS3|as they often are]]. These things could have gotten a potential jury to view Chris in a more favourable light and could also have secured Chris a lighter sentence, or even an innocent verdict if he could convince the court that he had [[Reality| simply imagined the whole thing.]]

With this open letter, however, Chris has shot both himself and his attorney in the foot. Any plans by Heilberg to make the trial an issue of mental health{{refn|After Chris's first court showing, Heilberg framed the case in these terms, telling media sources that his client was "legally disabled with mental health issues," and called Chris's online antics "a product of mental health issues causing misguided attention seeking and often provocative engagement with others."<ref name=MentalHealth>{{Cite web
| url = https://www.newsweek.com/chris-chans-lawyer-says-mental-health-issues-contributed-incest-charge-1617388
| title = Chris Chan's Lawyer Says 'Mental Health Issues' Contributed to Incest Charge
| last = Beresford
| first = Jack
| website = Newsweek
}}</ref>}} are going to be much more difficult now. In order for the insanity defense to be utilized, Heilberg would have had to make a convincing argument that Chris did not possess the criminal intent required for legal guilt due to his mental illness worsened by years of trolling clouding his judgement.<ref>[https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/insanity-plea Legal requirements for an Insanity Defense]</ref> Already difficult to pull off, Chris had gone ahead and made it near impossible by BOTH admitting to the crime and demonstrating that he was cognizant of his actions in writing.

=== More letters from jail ===
{{See also|Jail letters}}
In [[:Category:Jail Letters|additional correspondences from jail]], Chris provides brief updates on his current experiences and conditions in jail. He would also continue to double down on [[Chris and reality|his delusions]], threaten the weens to not steal things from his house, beg for money for both himself and Barbara, and demand his release from jail. In [[Jail Letter - 3 October 2021|one of these letters]] Chris rejects a fan's attempt to convert him to Islam. As with his previous replies, he draws comparisons between himself and Allah, and rants more about the [[Dimensional Merge]].

=== Second court appearance ===

Chris's second court appearance was scheduled for the 18th of [[November 2021|November]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref> Several fans attempted to attend this hearing, but were turned away by courthouse staff,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/qwr53j/tried_going_to_the_hearing_but_was_turned_away_by/</ref> as the hearing was closed at the request of Chris's lawyer.<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref>

Another continuance was granted, with the next hearing taking place after the new year, on 3 [[February 2022]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref> Chris spent the Thanksgiving, [[Christmas]], and New Years holidays behind bars.

=== Third court appearance ===
The February 3 hearing was also closed to the public and resulted in another continuance. As a result, Chris spent his 40th [[Christian Love Day|birthday]] incarcerated, and will also miss out on [[BABSCon]] in April provided the ongoing [[COVID-19|pandemic]] doesn't delay the convention a third time. His next court date is scheduled for 28 [[July 2022]], four days short of the one-year anniversary of his arrest.<ref>{{cite farms|thread=112013|post=11138163}}</ref>

The maximum jail sentence for a misdemeanor incest charge in Virginia is one year, meaning that if Chris's charge is not upgraded to a felony he will be released no later than 1 [[August 2022]], even if the case is continued beyond that date. If it is upgraded to a felony, he could be facing a [[Kick the autistic|much longer sentence]] (the maximum sentence for felony incest is 10 years, and the maximum sentence for rape is life), in addition to being placed on the [[List_of_places_that_have_banned_Chris#Looking_ahead|sex offender registry]] if/when he ever gets out. Many people suspect that Chris' lawyer is trying to get him to take up a plea deal with a year of time served, although Chris himself seems convinced [[Chris and his ego|that he will be found not guilty]].

=== Transfer ===
{{Apocrypha}}
[[File:Transfer.jpg|thumb|400px|Email from VINE confirming the transfer.]]

On 28 February 2022, the Virginia VINE Service confirmed that Chris had been transferred to another location from Central Virginia Regional Jail.<ref>[https://vinelink.vineapps.com/person-detail/offender/17312020;tabIndexToSelect=0 VINELink page]</ref><ref>{{Cite farms
|thread = 113715
|post = 11292959
|title = Chris transferred to another facility
|user = Turbocuck
|wayback = 20220302065944
}}</ref> Details regarding the circumstances that led to this, or where he has been transferred to are not known, but it's likely that Chris was sent to some form of hospital.<ref group = "note">VINELink can't track him anymore, so wherever he's been transferred to isn't jail. The courts are required by law to say if Chris was transferred to a prison. The transfer status would be "Released" if Chris was sent back to his house. When called, CVRJ says the information is "Privileged" which usually means medical.</ref> This could be due to a competency evaluation following his third hearing, or as a consequence of a violent outburst or other such altercation with staff or inmates. While less likely, it is also very possible Chris was transferred to receive medical attention for a physical ailment, given his lifetime of poor diet, fitness, and hygiene choices.

Someone claiming to work for an EMS would private message the CWCki Jerkop [[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] about Chris's record.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/feb-28-2022-chris-transferred-to-another-facility.113715/page-31#post-11335917 Kiwi Farms post regarding Chris's record]</ref> They would claim that Chris was transferred via ambulance with a law enforcement escort. They would also claim that Chris would receive narcotic sedative when needed. Chris may have been brought to Western State Hospital, which specializes in mental disorders.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/feb-28-2022-chris-transferred-to-another-facility.113715/page-15#post-11307353 Kiwi Farms post claiming that Chris was transferred to the Western State Hospital]</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Saves Chris Chan from Prison to Fight Clyde Cash & Liquid Chris!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-BCDY1xWcUM}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2021]]
| maker = sheWIND
| subject = Chris in jail
| type = Animation
| info = "Christine Weston Chandler, aka Chris Chan, mayor of Cwcville, is rescued by the demential merge after going to jail for hurting Barb by Sonichu to have a final battle against some of his strongest trolls, Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris!!"
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = chris chan in prison
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9Yq3D_ohKXw}}
| stardate = 3 [[January 2022]]
| maker = Antonio Prola
| subject = Chris in jail
| info = "......you know the how expression too many cooks spoil the broth? Well t- this was too many crooks! Too many CROOKS! TOO many CROOKS! And that ED page is one of those crooks. Every page. Every word. On the discussion page. Is a crook."

}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The end of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|I9mcnK0-u0c}}
| stardate = 6 [[March 2022]]
| maker = rossthef0x
| subject = Chris in jail
| info = "Well, it was fun while it lasted..."

}}

==See also==
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[26 December 2014]]
*[[Post-Merge Era]]

{{Notes}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{IncestSaga}}
{{PrisonSaga}}
{{Law}}

Chris and religion

2020-12-10T17:18:48Z

Corvax: /* Atheism */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! (Facebook, 2013)}}

{{quote|So, I dare say with all due respect to the Lord: meh|Chris abandons the Christian God for [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] goddesses<ref>[[:File:IdeaGuyCWCreligion6.png]]</ref>}}

[[Image:NeptuniagoodbyeJC.png|thumb|[[China|The real reason Chris abandoned Christianity.]]]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''religious beliefs''' have long been a complicated matter. For most of his life, Chris would declare himself to be Christian, yet his stated religious convictions would often diverge starkly from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil, incorporating a grab bag of other beliefs from unrelated traditions and [[Family Guy|other sources]]. Moreover, Chris has long believed himself to be of unique spiritual importance, believing that he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]] and that he has magical powers. Already in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], his characters would regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions. Chris finally gave up on Christianity and started following the CPU goddesses from [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] on 17 [[December 2017]].<ref>[[:File:Sonichu_16_page-34.jpeg|Official renouncement of God]]</ref> Since then, under influence by the [[Idea Guys]] and [[Teen Troon Squad|others]], Chris has come to believe that he is a [[Tomgirl Saga|goddess]], [[CPU Blue Heart]], orchestrating an [[Dimensional Merge|apocalypse]] that will end in a [[Dimensions#1C-211987|heavenly new creation]]. Much of his mythology was [[Things Chris has ripped off|lifted]] from the [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] anime. The result is an unholy amalgam of authentic religious traditions, troll forgeries and narcissism, mixed together with neither forethought nor consistency.

With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants]] to hear. Chris long espoused traditional Christian teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality while ignoring that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]] and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Chris's [[autism|narrow view of the world]] requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] in the comics, and his [[true and loyal fanbase]] in the [[Chris and reality|real world]], share his religious beliefs. He has demanded that watchers worship him, and believes it feasible that he could convince half of the world population to join his personality cult.<ref>For comparison, Christendom, the world's largest religion, [https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/04/05/christians-remain-worlds-largest-religious-group-but-they-are-declining-in-europe/ makes up only 31%] of the world population.</ref>

==Delusions of godhood==
{{see also|Messiah complex}}

{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
[[File:EmperorChris.png|thumb|left|All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-<s>Emperor</s> Mayor of [[CWCville]].]]

Beyond his [[Chris and his Ego|self-infatuation]] visible from any of Chris's creative output, Chris had shown from an early period the nascent belief that he might have been specially chosen. Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate. In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God." More definite signs first emerged in late [[2009]], and have accreted over the decade since into Chris's current apotheosis.

Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_61 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

{{quote|as a Goddess Mysef[sic], I am unable to worship in churches|Chris, June 2019<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Chris says, according to Jesus, dimensional merge will be finished soon]]</ref>}}

It was under the [[Idea Guys]]'s manipulation that Chris's gathering apotheosis came to a head. [[File:Sonichu 16 page-4.JPG|thumb|200px|Chris depicting how he came to share his body with a video game goddess.]]
In November 2017, Chris became obsessed with [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]], a video game/anime series. He declared a belief in body-sharing with a goddess character (who represents the Sega Dreamcast in the series) by consulting with [[Magi-Chan]], then [[Chris and money|leaving his Dreamcast console powered on for 24 hours]] in order to focus his own psychic power onto it and pull the goddess into his body. Since then, Chris has come to believe that he's actually a goddess to the Sonichu universe, leading to the creation of the Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu.

{{clear}}

==Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu==

[[File:The_Devotees_of_Chris_Chan_Sonichu_(DoCCS).jpg|thumb|TSSSF card dedicated to his loyal devotees.]]

Chris had some divine revelations, which he shared on 2 November 2019 in a series of tweets, these revelations are as follows<ref name="divinerev">[[November_2019_social_media_posts#Devotees_of_Chris_Chan_Sonichu|Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu]]</ref>:

*He is the godess of the Sonichu/Rosechu species, and is of a higher deity level than a CPU.
*His powers are more apparent and potent in C-197, but do exist in 1218.
*The terms "CWCans" and "CWCanism" does not feel or sound fitting for his religion.
*FoCCS and FoCWCS do not sound appealing, either.
*Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu (DoCCS) is chosen. Pronounced [[dox]], like Chris's favorite pasttime.

And thus, Chris's [[true and honest]] religion, DoCCS, was born.

The DoCCS all share [[kindness]] and [[Vanessa_AIM_Chat_2|loyalty]], which is a defining figure of a devotee. They also pray to Chris, and channel energy to him so that he can use his godess powers. <s>Chris</s> [[Spirit_possession#Sonichu|Sonichu]] has noted that it's far easier for <s>him</s> Chris to answer prayer in C-197, due to his additional power that he has access to in his Chris Chan Sonichu body.<ref>[[April_2020_social_media_posts#Chris_body_swaps_with_Sonichu_to_cope_with_missing_BABScon|Mentioned here]], Sonichu says: "She is Now, literally, in the position to fully and actively take and answer your Prayers, as the Goddess that she is."</ref>

Chris can also store this energy in [[magic stones]], and often wears these around his neck with the Sonichu medallion.<ref>Sightings [[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_2_Reaction_Video|here]] and [[:File:July_2020_jewels.jpeg|here]], and many more.</ref> Chris used one of these stones to demonstrate his power, even in 1218, by [[PsychicPowers#Amethyst_stone|dropping it with as little movement as possible]], which, when scaled up to C-197 proportions would equate to miraculous healing. Chris thinks that the crystals contain healing power and that they can make you happy.<ref>[[August_2019_social_media_posts#Chris_is_all_in_on_Healing_Crystals|Twitter reply about healing crystals]]</ref>

===The First holy temple of DoCCS===

[[File:14bc_June_2019.jpg|thumb|The illustrious temple of the Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu]]

In late 2019, the First holy temple of DoCCS was consecrated.<ref>[[:File:14_Branchland_Court_TSSSF_card.jpeg|Temple's TSSSF card]]</ref> The temple has been a central in-between in traversing between this dimension (1218) and it's sister dimension (C-197). The whole property, including the gazebo and sheds have travelled back and forth from 1218 to C-197 many times. Unlike most temples, almost no DoCCS congregate there to worship, and instead the temple acts as private residence to their deity, Chris.

Upon reaching level 40 in Pokemon GO, Chris was able to put the temple forward for an additional consecration ceremony from Niantic (the creators of Pokemon GO) to become the truest and honestest PokeStop of them all, Which he did on 20 August 2020. However, despite numerous efforts<ref>[[August_2020_social_media_posts#Sonichu_levels_up.21|First mention of the nomination.]]</ref><ref>[[August_2020_social_media_posts#CWCSonichu_Temple_is_nominated|Further encouragement to aid the cause.]]</ref> to rally his devotees to help the nomination be accepted, his nomination was eventually denied.<ref>[[:File:PokeStop_rejected.png|Nomination rejected.]]</ref>

The gazebo on the property contains magic power, and using deity level powers can be used as a vessel for a portal between the dimensions, and can transport items and even living things.<ref name="gazebo">[[:File:CWCs_Temples_Gazebo_TSSSF.jpg|Information on this card]]</ref> Interestingly, in the TSSSF game, it's card is a "Unicorn" card and can be in a relationship with Pony OCs,<ref name="gazebo"></ref> though this is probably due to Chris using the card game wrong, rather than him regarding his gazebo as a unicorn.

{{clear}}

== Doctrines of the Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu ==
[[File:BarneySatanism.jpeg|thumb|Chris addresses a theological dispute.]]
Chris's convictions (not [[Chris and the law|that kind]]) are a confused tangle, ever shifting as [[weens]] twist his malleable perception of reality and his mental state continues to deteriorate. The below seeks to describe Chris's contemporary beliefs as accurately as possible, though information is subject to change in light of new revelations at at any time. Chris has hesitated to describe his beliefs as a religion. On 13 [[April 2018]], Chris claimed in a Twitter post that he no longer follows a religion, yet he is neither "atheist" nor "satanist", and over a year later would describe what follows as "a belief and faith system, not a religion".<ref>[[Believe in the OCs and Deities!]]</ref>

===Uzume Possession===
Initially, sharing his body with a clone of the CPU Goddess Uzume Tennouboshi was critial to Chris's newfound religion. Naming the clone that resided within his body as "Orange Spiral Seal", Chris believed that he had "the powers of the four main Goddesses, as well as [his] own powers." In a way, this was a bizarre continuation of his classic [[Love Quest]]. Not only did he believe that he could create a new CPU Goddess From The Ground-Up, but that, with the CPU, he will bring [[Crystal]] into reality and create her as a CPU Goddess, saying that is something that GodJesus would never grant to him. Chris's religion has little in the way of ethics, but he [[August 2019 social media posts#No Pizza Time for Chris|has indicated]] that he believes in the Hindu concept of ''karma'', administered by himself, as an instrument of his vengeance against the [[jerkops]] who tormented him in years past.

===CPU Blue Heart===

{{main|CPU Blue Heart}}

On 16 June 2018,<ref name="CPUBHInfo">[[May_2019_social_media_posts#CPU_One_Year_Anniversary|As mentioned here]]</ref> '''CPU Blue Heart''' (also known as '''Scarlett Celestia''')<ref>[[June_2019_social_media_posts#New_information_on_CPU_Blue_Heart|Name mentioned here]]</ref> came upon Chris and gave him her powers, making him CPU Blue Heart, goddess of comma nation, the commodore consoles,<ref name="CPUBHInfo"></ref> Cwcville and all Sonichus and Rosechus,<ref name="divinerev"></ref> and everything else.<ref>Chris often suggests he is goddess of everything, since he asks people who aren't even Sonichus or Rosechus or in any of his provinces to pray to him, [[December_2018_social_media_posts#Chris.27s_psychiatrist_is_taken_aback|such as this post]].</ref> However, Chris only found out about this on the 3 August when his hubby Magi-chan told him.<ref>[[August_2018_social_media_posts#The_Awakening_of_a_CPU|Mentioned in this Twitter thread]]</ref> In the same way Chris had connected with his Dreamcast before, this time Chris connected with his [[Commodore 64]] to obtain her memories and soul.<ref>[[Sonichu_13#Transcript|Mentioned in the epilogue of Sonichu 13]].</ref> This possession has helped Chris develop his psychic and electric super powers, and helped the merge become closer as C-197s characters became more tangible in 1218. He also started feeling more energy surges and electricity flowing in him.<ref>[[:File:MergeComic4.jpg|Comic page with this information on]]</ref> Chris also felt long, loud belches as a result of the possession, which were obvious indicators of the impending merge, Chris was being given a lot of responsibility for the merge when he became CPU Blue Heart.<ref>[[:File:MergeComic5.jpg|Information here]]</ref> Chris also claims to be feeling heart attacks that he pulls himself back from,<ref>[[:File:MergeComic7.jpg|As mentioned on this comic page]]</ref> whilst these are obviouslt not heart attacks, they are certainly some sort of ongoing problem from Chris's [[health]], and these delusions are preventing him from getting the help he needs.

=== Pantheon ===
{{main|Hyperdimension Neptunia}}
In [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Goddess Emanuelle|August 2016]], Chris revealed that he thinks of God as a goddess. Chris has long considered [[gal-pal|women]] to be good and [[jerks|men]] to be evil, and since Chris does not want to think of himself or God as evil, he simply swapped the genders in his mind, making [[Tomgirl]] Christine and Goddess Emmanuelle.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Ben_Saint_-_Chatting_with_Chris-Chan</ref> During a conversation with [[Joshua Wise]], Chris revealed that he had forsaken Christianity altogether, believing instead in the CPU Goddesses from the anime ''Hyperdimension Neptunia''.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A#Chris abandons Christianity for Neptunia]]</ref>

Chris's view of God's nature, is [[naïve]] and even childish. He has used the fandom jargon acronym <abbr title="Original character">''OC''</abbr> as a rough [[CWC-ism]] synonym for ''god'', and uses this broad category to include Christ, men respected but not worshipped in their own separate traditions like the Buddha, ancient pagan gods such as Zeus, the ''Neptunia'' CPU goddesses and other anime characters, himself and his viewers and lazy [[My Little Pony|ponysonas]]. He is extremely syncretic, believing all of these, including the latter categories of clearly fictional characters intended and universally understood as such, to be real and divine. Monotheism, the cornerstone of Christendom that cannot be compromised, was apparently never assimilated into Chris's thought processes, allowing him to continue regard Christ as ''a'' god. He claims to converse with, and be friends with, Jesus and ''several other deities''. Nonetheless, Chris does not worship literally everybody: in a 2019 Twitter post, he was alarmed by [[Jacob Sockness]]'s apparent Satanism, saying that "no one should ever worship [[Beel|Satan]]."<ref>[[:File:BarneySatanism.jpeg]]</ref>

=== Worship ===

As late as [[August 2017]], Chris could be seen in a normal church, albeit irreverently wearing his [[unicorn cosplay]]. However, he has since stopped attending, believing that he is "unable to worship Jesus or any of the other deities" on virtue of being a goddess himself. In [[Believe in the OCs and Deities]], Chris appeals to his viewers to send positive thoughts to fictional characters, as though through telepathy, perhaps indicating that he believes divine power requires worship and oblations. (Implicit in this is Chris's long-standing secular belief that he has hundreds of millions of earnest followers across the globe.)

On 22 December 2018, in a long rant on Twitter about the [[Dimensional Merge Announcements|Merge]] (see the next section), Chris encouraged his audience to pray to him:

{{quote|I encourage Everyone to Keep Faith, and Pray to the CPUs, y’all may pray to me as well.|Chris, blaspheming<ref>[[December 2018 social media posts#Chris's psychiatrist is taken aback]]</ref>}}

He has made several such appeals in months since.

=== Afterlife and eschatology ===
Under the [[Idea Guys]]'s lingering influence, Chris believes that departed souls go to [[C-197]], the fictional universe that includes [[CWCville]], other [[Night Star|misbegotten OCs]] and various [[Chris and copyright|media franchises' universes]], which he believes objectively exist. He teaches that, upon death, one may merge with one's [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] counterpart there. Among those who have been depicted in their Sonichu form on the other side include disastrous German chancellor [[Nombie-zazis|Adolf Hitler]], serial killer and rapist [[Ted Bundy]] and Chris's late father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only the truly wicked, such as [[Liquid Chris]], are denied this in the hereafter: Satan instead burns their bodies in 'hell's lava pool', purges them of their memories and sends their oblivious souls to be reincarnated.<ref>[[:File:Ibachandlercroppedsmaller.jpg|Solid Chris exhibits Liquid's fate, 2016]]</ref>

Since the autumn of [[2018]], Chris has taught that we are living in the latter days. From a mixture of off-hand comments by comic artists and several [[weens]] foddering him with misinformation and dumb inside jokes, Chris thinks that beginning in [[November 2018]], the real world (or 'Dimension 1218', as he calls it) is in the process of combining with C-197, in what he calls the [[Dimensional Merge]]. Chris has attributed miscellaneous events past and present, real and fictional, ranging from tragedies like the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Centre's destruction]] to salad recalls,<ref>[https://archive.md/H3gJk Chris attributes the WTC attacks to the Merge, 28 October 2019]</ref> to the impending Merge. Originally projected to be complete before [[January 2019|New Year's 2019]], Chris maintains still that the Merge is just about the corner. Chris foretells massive destruction heralding the Merge that will result in the deaths of about half the world's population, as well as half of the fictional characters from C-197. [[Chris and his Ego|Naturally]], Chris, being the goddess in charge of managing this brouhaha, will be spared: everyone else must take their chances. Survivors will be able to enjoy the company of their favorite cartoon characters in the flesh, as well as their deceased relatives transformed into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

=== Mysticism and sorcery ===
{{main|Magical thinking}}
As early as [[2003]], Chris has invoked curses against his enemies: most famous is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], borrowed from ''Dragonball Z'', which he had employed against [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. His magical thinking has been directed in various ways, as when he thought he could shift his [[obesity|body fat]] about by watching [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|hypnotic internet videos]]. In recent years, he has embraced several occultic teachings and practises from the [https://encyclopedia2.thefreedictionary.com/New+Age New Age] movement: out-of-body experiences, chakras and special powers associated with crystals, among others.

== Chris and Christianity: Historical beliefs ==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all [[Jacob Sockness|unrighteousness]], [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Program from Chris's baptism.]]

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Church audio#00:18:10 - Seth MacFarlane & The Bible]]; [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> Chris would later on attend [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]. Although Chris traditionally identified himself as Methodist and so did his [[Bob Chandler|father]], his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] identifies herself as a Presbyterian.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of ''him'', so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the {{w|Southern Baptist}} and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

===Concept of Emanuelle===
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of {{w|Binitarianism|Binity}}, a deviation from the mainstream Christian concept of the {{w|Trinity}} ("The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit") that his churches would regard as heretical.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his world-view, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the {{w|Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini}}, Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref> His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], then [[PandaHalo]] and finally [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if He exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]], an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

===Afterlife===
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris.<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is a common one, most Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. Defying this, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions. He thinks that he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#1 January 2010|a lot of]] [[28 October 2011|good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to Heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster. In [[Common Questions#09 January 2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], [[Thorg]] questioned Chris for threatening damnation against his Internet adversaries:

{{quotebox|"You often attempt to scare your [[trolls]] by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?"}}

To which Chris responded:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, {{w|Limbo}} is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. {{w|Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide}} and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied. His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "{{w|Death (South Park)|Death}}", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]."<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

=== Reincarnation ===
[[File:IsThisMyBodyorYoursCard.jpg|thumb|200px|When you're a headmaster, the possibilities are endless]]
Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept,<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor]]</ref> but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from [[anime|somewhere else]].

Chris has suggested that he is himself a reincarnation of various people. In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Chris's [[Comic Chris|fictional counterpart]] is the reincarnation of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], though he does not appear to believe this about himself in real life. However, during the epilogue of [[Sonichu_12#Episode_26:_Prideful|''Sonichu'' Episode 26]], Chris mentions a real-world dream in which he discovered he had been a (true and honest) [[Homos|lesbian]] hippie who attended {{w|Woodstock}} in a recent past life. He credits this dream with his realization that he is a "female soul" and decision to identify as a transsexual as opposed to a [[Tomgirl|cross-dresser]], further calling the psychological validity of his gender identity into question. Besides his own reincarnation, Chris's explanation of [[Liquid Chris#In the comic|what happened to Liquid Chris]] in the ''Sonichu'' canon mentions Liquid's soul being cleared of all memory of previous incarnations before being reincarnated, as what Chris considers an ironic punishment for someone who dared impersonate him.

Chris believes that in other [[dimensions]], people have the innate ability to swap bodies with others, even inanimate robots.

=== Sin ===
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}
{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}
{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

[[File:John Asperchu.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Take note, Chris.]]
Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His hatred of the homos had nothing to do with the prohibition of sodomy in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion. Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris believed that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] and genuinely to atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they[sic] have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits [[death threats|wrath]], [[Liquid Chris|envy]], [[obesity|gluttony]], [[monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[virgin with rage|lust]] and [[Chris and his Ego|pride]] constantly.

=== Forgiveness ===
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu brutally injuring and sexually assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in vengeance for [[Pickle|comparatively innocuous actions]].]]

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris's Attitude at the GAMe PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|threatening to set fire to his business]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

However, Chris has on occasion shown some capacity to genuinely forgive and move on, as shown at [[MAGfest]] where he was seen making up with [[Adam Stackhouse]] (albeit after 11 years). Such forgiveness has not been extended to the [[jerkops]], however.

=== Apostasy ===
For years before the [[Idea Guys]] seized the opportunity to infuse patent absurdities into Chris's mind, Chris appeared to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the ''problem of evil'' in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus was backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], God has nevertheless imparted upon him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seemed to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer was apparently like ordering a pizza: as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[Jerkop]]:

{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a [[May 2013]] letter to [[Kim Wilson|Kim]]:

{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)}}

Soon thereafter, inspired by ''{{w|Futurama}}'', he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

{{quote|The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.|Chris on Facebook, August 2014.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#tl;dr]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] — she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her [[Rosechu (species)|species]]. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns — he refers to Catholic priests as [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu|"pastors"] and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, although he probably has no idea what its relationship to Protestantism is.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, deference to a cleric on ethical matters is far more typical for Catholics than Protestants). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Given that he takes his own religion ''à la carte'', Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and the relationship between Protestantism and other kinds of Christianity. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

===Other religions===

''See also: [[Chris and race#Jews|Chris and race]]''

Most of Chris's opinions towards non-Christian faiths have been culled from ''[[South Park]]'' and other television series. For example, on 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment, Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and [[Sonichu 11]]" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of {{w|Judaism}}, probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and {{w|Buddhism|Buddhists}} don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich [sic] Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park'') and states he is "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish; he incidentally subscribes to his father's view that Snyder, [[Megan Schroeder]] and others were secretly directing the [[trolls]] to ruin Chris's life. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

Chris has described "{{w|Mormonism|Mormans}}" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much Chris knows about {{w|Unitarianism|Unitarianism}} (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; [[Jackie]] identified herself as a Unitarian,<ref>[[Jackie#Profile]]</ref> and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

{{Wise|Islam is the place to go to for exorcising lustful demons; mainly by someone [[Bluespike| shoving a medallion into Chris's ass]] while shouting "Allahu Ackbar!}}

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan the Moralf**|article]], he hints at a hatred of Islam. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Koran, and is not known to have ever publicly commented on the religion directly. Besides using the popular Western image of the [[Buddha belly|fat Buddha]] (actually a [[China|Chinese]] monk) and mentioning "Buddha" a few times, Chris has never shown any knowledge of oriental religions, let alone any opinion of them. Indeed, [[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in {{w|Taoism}} seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

===Atheism===
{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly [[Chris and Hypocrisy|wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork]], following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}
Chris's opinion of the irreligious is the most vacillating and incoherent, and incidentally one of the best documented. [[Ruckersville, VA|Unsurprisingly]], he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". In his [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gave "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref>, and as the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]]. However, in his later, revised [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some [[Chris and sex|hanky panky]].

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Messiah complex]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Chris and religion

2020-12-10T17:18:03Z

Corvax: /* Atheism */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! (Facebook, 2013)}}

{{quote|So, I dare say with all due respect to the Lord: meh|Chris abandons the Christian God for [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] goddesses<ref>[[:File:IdeaGuyCWCreligion6.png]]</ref>}}

[[Image:NeptuniagoodbyeJC.png|thumb|[[China|The real reason Chris abandoned Christianity.]]]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''religious beliefs''' have long been a complicated matter. For most of his life, Chris would declare himself to be Christian, yet his stated religious convictions would often diverge starkly from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil, incorporating a grab bag of other beliefs from unrelated traditions and [[Family Guy|other sources]]. Moreover, Chris has long believed himself to be of unique spiritual importance, believing that he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]] and that he has magical powers. Already in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], his characters would regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions. Chris finally gave up on Christianity and started following the CPU goddesses from [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] on 17 [[December 2017]].<ref>[[:File:Sonichu_16_page-34.jpeg|Official renouncement of God]]</ref> Since then, under influence by the [[Idea Guys]] and [[Teen Troon Squad|others]], Chris has come to believe that he is a [[Tomgirl Saga|goddess]], [[CPU Blue Heart]], orchestrating an [[Dimensional Merge|apocalypse]] that will end in a [[Dimensions#1C-211987|heavenly new creation]]. Much of his mythology was [[Things Chris has ripped off|lifted]] from the [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] anime. The result is an unholy amalgam of authentic religious traditions, troll forgeries and narcissism, mixed together with neither forethought nor consistency.

With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears [[Chris and his Ego|what he wants]] to hear. Chris long espoused traditional Christian teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality while ignoring that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]] and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Chris's [[autism|narrow view of the world]] requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] in the comics, and his [[true and loyal fanbase]] in the [[Chris and reality|real world]], share his religious beliefs. He has demanded that watchers worship him, and believes it feasible that he could convince half of the world population to join his personality cult.<ref>For comparison, Christendom, the world's largest religion, [https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/04/05/christians-remain-worlds-largest-religious-group-but-they-are-declining-in-europe/ makes up only 31%] of the world population.</ref>

==Delusions of godhood==
{{see also|Messiah complex}}

{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
[[File:EmperorChris.png|thumb|left|All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-<s>Emperor</s> Mayor of [[CWCville]].]]

Beyond his [[Chris and his Ego|self-infatuation]] visible from any of Chris's creative output, Chris had shown from an early period the nascent belief that he might have been specially chosen. Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate. In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God." More definite signs first emerged in late [[2009]], and have accreted over the decade since into Chris's current apotheosis.

Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_61 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

{{quote|as a Goddess Mysef[sic], I am unable to worship in churches|Chris, June 2019<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Chris says, according to Jesus, dimensional merge will be finished soon]]</ref>}}

It was under the [[Idea Guys]]'s manipulation that Chris's gathering apotheosis came to a head. [[File:Sonichu 16 page-4.JPG|thumb|200px|Chris depicting how he came to share his body with a video game goddess.]]
In November 2017, Chris became obsessed with [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]], a video game/anime series. He declared a belief in body-sharing with a goddess character (who represents the Sega Dreamcast in the series) by consulting with [[Magi-Chan]], then [[Chris and money|leaving his Dreamcast console powered on for 24 hours]] in order to focus his own psychic power onto it and pull the goddess into his body. Since then, Chris has come to believe that he's actually a goddess to the Sonichu universe, leading to the creation of the Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu.

{{clear}}

==Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu==

[[File:The_Devotees_of_Chris_Chan_Sonichu_(DoCCS).jpg|thumb|TSSSF card dedicated to his loyal devotees.]]

Chris had some divine revelations, which he shared on 2 November 2019 in a series of tweets, these revelations are as follows<ref name="divinerev">[[November_2019_social_media_posts#Devotees_of_Chris_Chan_Sonichu|Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu]]</ref>:

*He is the godess of the Sonichu/Rosechu species, and is of a higher deity level than a CPU.
*His powers are more apparent and potent in C-197, but do exist in 1218.
*The terms "CWCans" and "CWCanism" does not feel or sound fitting for his religion.
*FoCCS and FoCWCS do not sound appealing, either.
*Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu (DoCCS) is chosen. Pronounced [[dox]], like Chris's favorite pasttime.

And thus, Chris's [[true and honest]] religion, DoCCS, was born.

The DoCCS all share [[kindness]] and [[Vanessa_AIM_Chat_2|loyalty]], which is a defining figure of a devotee. They also pray to Chris, and channel energy to him so that he can use his godess powers. <s>Chris</s> [[Spirit_possession#Sonichu|Sonichu]] has noted that it's far easier for <s>him</s> Chris to answer prayer in C-197, due to his additional power that he has access to in his Chris Chan Sonichu body.<ref>[[April_2020_social_media_posts#Chris_body_swaps_with_Sonichu_to_cope_with_missing_BABScon|Mentioned here]], Sonichu says: "She is Now, literally, in the position to fully and actively take and answer your Prayers, as the Goddess that she is."</ref>

Chris can also store this energy in [[magic stones]], and often wears these around his neck with the Sonichu medallion.<ref>Sightings [[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_2_Reaction_Video|here]] and [[:File:July_2020_jewels.jpeg|here]], and many more.</ref> Chris used one of these stones to demonstrate his power, even in 1218, by [[PsychicPowers#Amethyst_stone|dropping it with as little movement as possible]], which, when scaled up to C-197 proportions would equate to miraculous healing. Chris thinks that the crystals contain healing power and that they can make you happy.<ref>[[August_2019_social_media_posts#Chris_is_all_in_on_Healing_Crystals|Twitter reply about healing crystals]]</ref>

===The First holy temple of DoCCS===

[[File:14bc_June_2019.jpg|thumb|The illustrious temple of the Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu]]

In late 2019, the First holy temple of DoCCS was consecrated.<ref>[[:File:14_Branchland_Court_TSSSF_card.jpeg|Temple's TSSSF card]]</ref> The temple has been a central in-between in traversing between this dimension (1218) and it's sister dimension (C-197). The whole property, including the gazebo and sheds have travelled back and forth from 1218 to C-197 many times. Unlike most temples, almost no DoCCS congregate there to worship, and instead the temple acts as private residence to their deity, Chris.

Upon reaching level 40 in Pokemon GO, Chris was able to put the temple forward for an additional consecration ceremony from Niantic (the creators of Pokemon GO) to become the truest and honestest PokeStop of them all, Which he did on 20 August 2020. However, despite numerous efforts<ref>[[August_2020_social_media_posts#Sonichu_levels_up.21|First mention of the nomination.]]</ref><ref>[[August_2020_social_media_posts#CWCSonichu_Temple_is_nominated|Further encouragement to aid the cause.]]</ref> to rally his devotees to help the nomination be accepted, his nomination was eventually denied.<ref>[[:File:PokeStop_rejected.png|Nomination rejected.]]</ref>

The gazebo on the property contains magic power, and using deity level powers can be used as a vessel for a portal between the dimensions, and can transport items and even living things.<ref name="gazebo">[[:File:CWCs_Temples_Gazebo_TSSSF.jpg|Information on this card]]</ref> Interestingly, in the TSSSF game, it's card is a "Unicorn" card and can be in a relationship with Pony OCs,<ref name="gazebo"></ref> though this is probably due to Chris using the card game wrong, rather than him regarding his gazebo as a unicorn.

{{clear}}

== Doctrines of the Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu ==
[[File:BarneySatanism.jpeg|thumb|Chris addresses a theological dispute.]]
Chris's convictions (not [[Chris and the law|that kind]]) are a confused tangle, ever shifting as [[weens]] twist his malleable perception of reality and his mental state continues to deteriorate. The below seeks to describe Chris's contemporary beliefs as accurately as possible, though information is subject to change in light of new revelations at at any time. Chris has hesitated to describe his beliefs as a religion. On 13 [[April 2018]], Chris claimed in a Twitter post that he no longer follows a religion, yet he is neither "atheist" nor "satanist", and over a year later would describe what follows as "a belief and faith system, not a religion".<ref>[[Believe in the OCs and Deities!]]</ref>

===Uzume Possession===
Initially, sharing his body with a clone of the CPU Goddess Uzume Tennouboshi was critial to Chris's newfound religion. Naming the clone that resided within his body as "Orange Spiral Seal", Chris believed that he had "the powers of the four main Goddesses, as well as [his] own powers." In a way, this was a bizarre continuation of his classic [[Love Quest]]. Not only did he believe that he could create a new CPU Goddess From The Ground-Up, but that, with the CPU, he will bring [[Crystal]] into reality and create her as a CPU Goddess, saying that is something that GodJesus would never grant to him. Chris's religion has little in the way of ethics, but he [[August 2019 social media posts#No Pizza Time for Chris|has indicated]] that he believes in the Hindu concept of ''karma'', administered by himself, as an instrument of his vengeance against the [[jerkops]] who tormented him in years past.

===CPU Blue Heart===

{{main|CPU Blue Heart}}

On 16 June 2018,<ref name="CPUBHInfo">[[May_2019_social_media_posts#CPU_One_Year_Anniversary|As mentioned here]]</ref> '''CPU Blue Heart''' (also known as '''Scarlett Celestia''')<ref>[[June_2019_social_media_posts#New_information_on_CPU_Blue_Heart|Name mentioned here]]</ref> came upon Chris and gave him her powers, making him CPU Blue Heart, goddess of comma nation, the commodore consoles,<ref name="CPUBHInfo"></ref> Cwcville and all Sonichus and Rosechus,<ref name="divinerev"></ref> and everything else.<ref>Chris often suggests he is goddess of everything, since he asks people who aren't even Sonichus or Rosechus or in any of his provinces to pray to him, [[December_2018_social_media_posts#Chris.27s_psychiatrist_is_taken_aback|such as this post]].</ref> However, Chris only found out about this on the 3 August when his hubby Magi-chan told him.<ref>[[August_2018_social_media_posts#The_Awakening_of_a_CPU|Mentioned in this Twitter thread]]</ref> In the same way Chris had connected with his Dreamcast before, this time Chris connected with his [[Commodore 64]] to obtain her memories and soul.<ref>[[Sonichu_13#Transcript|Mentioned in the epilogue of Sonichu 13]].</ref> This possession has helped Chris develop his psychic and electric super powers, and helped the merge become closer as C-197s characters became more tangible in 1218. He also started feeling more energy surges and electricity flowing in him.<ref>[[:File:MergeComic4.jpg|Comic page with this information on]]</ref> Chris also felt long, loud belches as a result of the possession, which were obvious indicators of the impending merge, Chris was being given a lot of responsibility for the merge when he became CPU Blue Heart.<ref>[[:File:MergeComic5.jpg|Information here]]</ref> Chris also claims to be feeling heart attacks that he pulls himself back from,<ref>[[:File:MergeComic7.jpg|As mentioned on this comic page]]</ref> whilst these are obviouslt not heart attacks, they are certainly some sort of ongoing problem from Chris's [[health]], and these delusions are preventing him from getting the help he needs.

=== Pantheon ===
{{main|Hyperdimension Neptunia}}
In [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Goddess Emanuelle|August 2016]], Chris revealed that he thinks of God as a goddess. Chris has long considered [[gal-pal|women]] to be good and [[jerks|men]] to be evil, and since Chris does not want to think of himself or God as evil, he simply swapped the genders in his mind, making [[Tomgirl]] Christine and Goddess Emmanuelle.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Ben_Saint_-_Chatting_with_Chris-Chan</ref> During a conversation with [[Joshua Wise]], Chris revealed that he had forsaken Christianity altogether, believing instead in the CPU Goddesses from the anime ''Hyperdimension Neptunia''.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A#Chris abandons Christianity for Neptunia]]</ref>

Chris's view of God's nature, is [[naïve]] and even childish. He has used the fandom jargon acronym <abbr title="Original character">''OC''</abbr> as a rough [[CWC-ism]] synonym for ''god'', and uses this broad category to include Christ, men respected but not worshipped in their own separate traditions like the Buddha, ancient pagan gods such as Zeus, the ''Neptunia'' CPU goddesses and other anime characters, himself and his viewers and lazy [[My Little Pony|ponysonas]]. He is extremely syncretic, believing all of these, including the latter categories of clearly fictional characters intended and universally understood as such, to be real and divine. Monotheism, the cornerstone of Christendom that cannot be compromised, was apparently never assimilated into Chris's thought processes, allowing him to continue regard Christ as ''a'' god. He claims to converse with, and be friends with, Jesus and ''several other deities''. Nonetheless, Chris does not worship literally everybody: in a 2019 Twitter post, he was alarmed by [[Jacob Sockness]]'s apparent Satanism, saying that "no one should ever worship [[Beel|Satan]]."<ref>[[:File:BarneySatanism.jpeg]]</ref>

=== Worship ===

As late as [[August 2017]], Chris could be seen in a normal church, albeit irreverently wearing his [[unicorn cosplay]]. However, he has since stopped attending, believing that he is "unable to worship Jesus or any of the other deities" on virtue of being a goddess himself. In [[Believe in the OCs and Deities]], Chris appeals to his viewers to send positive thoughts to fictional characters, as though through telepathy, perhaps indicating that he believes divine power requires worship and oblations. (Implicit in this is Chris's long-standing secular belief that he has hundreds of millions of earnest followers across the globe.)

On 22 December 2018, in a long rant on Twitter about the [[Dimensional Merge Announcements|Merge]] (see the next section), Chris encouraged his audience to pray to him:

{{quote|I encourage Everyone to Keep Faith, and Pray to the CPUs, y’all may pray to me as well.|Chris, blaspheming<ref>[[December 2018 social media posts#Chris's psychiatrist is taken aback]]</ref>}}

He has made several such appeals in months since.

=== Afterlife and eschatology ===
Under the [[Idea Guys]]'s lingering influence, Chris believes that departed souls go to [[C-197]], the fictional universe that includes [[CWCville]], other [[Night Star|misbegotten OCs]] and various [[Chris and copyright|media franchises' universes]], which he believes objectively exist. He teaches that, upon death, one may merge with one's [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] counterpart there. Among those who have been depicted in their Sonichu form on the other side include disastrous German chancellor [[Nombie-zazis|Adolf Hitler]], serial killer and rapist [[Ted Bundy]] and Chris's late father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Only the truly wicked, such as [[Liquid Chris]], are denied this in the hereafter: Satan instead burns their bodies in 'hell's lava pool', purges them of their memories and sends their oblivious souls to be reincarnated.<ref>[[:File:Ibachandlercroppedsmaller.jpg|Solid Chris exhibits Liquid's fate, 2016]]</ref>

Since the autumn of [[2018]], Chris has taught that we are living in the latter days. From a mixture of off-hand comments by comic artists and several [[weens]] foddering him with misinformation and dumb inside jokes, Chris thinks that beginning in [[November 2018]], the real world (or 'Dimension 1218', as he calls it) is in the process of combining with C-197, in what he calls the [[Dimensional Merge]]. Chris has attributed miscellaneous events past and present, real and fictional, ranging from tragedies like the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Centre's destruction]] to salad recalls,<ref>[https://archive.md/H3gJk Chris attributes the WTC attacks to the Merge, 28 October 2019]</ref> to the impending Merge. Originally projected to be complete before [[January 2019|New Year's 2019]], Chris maintains still that the Merge is just about the corner. Chris foretells massive destruction heralding the Merge that will result in the deaths of about half the world's population, as well as half of the fictional characters from C-197. [[Chris and his Ego|Naturally]], Chris, being the goddess in charge of managing this brouhaha, will be spared: everyone else must take their chances. Survivors will be able to enjoy the company of their favorite cartoon characters in the flesh, as well as their deceased relatives transformed into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

=== Mysticism and sorcery ===
{{main|Magical thinking}}
As early as [[2003]], Chris has invoked curses against his enemies: most famous is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], borrowed from ''Dragonball Z'', which he had employed against [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. His magical thinking has been directed in various ways, as when he thought he could shift his [[obesity|body fat]] about by watching [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|hypnotic internet videos]]. In recent years, he has embraced several occultic teachings and practises from the [https://encyclopedia2.thefreedictionary.com/New+Age New Age] movement: out-of-body experiences, chakras and special powers associated with crystals, among others.

== Chris and Christianity: Historical beliefs ==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all [[Jacob Sockness|unrighteousness]], [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Program from Chris's baptism.]]

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Church audio#00:18:10 - Seth MacFarlane & The Bible]]; [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> Chris would later on attend [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]. Although Chris traditionally identified himself as Methodist and so did his [[Bob Chandler|father]], his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] identifies herself as a Presbyterian.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of ''him'', so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the {{w|Southern Baptist}} and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

===Concept of Emanuelle===
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of {{w|Binitarianism|Binity}}, a deviation from the mainstream Christian concept of the {{w|Trinity}} ("The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit") that his churches would regard as heretical.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his world-view, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the {{w|Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini}}, Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref> His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], then [[PandaHalo]] and finally [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if He exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]], an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

===Afterlife===
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris.<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is a common one, most Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. Defying this, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions. He thinks that he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#1 January 2010|a lot of]] [[28 October 2011|good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to Heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster. In [[Common Questions#09 January 2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], [[Thorg]] questioned Chris for threatening damnation against his Internet adversaries:

{{quotebox|"You often attempt to scare your [[trolls]] by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?"}}

To which Chris responded:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, {{w|Limbo}} is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. {{w|Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide}} and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied. His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "{{w|Death (South Park)|Death}}", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]."<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

=== Reincarnation ===
[[File:IsThisMyBodyorYoursCard.jpg|thumb|200px|When you're a headmaster, the possibilities are endless]]
Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept,<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor]]</ref> but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from [[anime|somewhere else]].

Chris has suggested that he is himself a reincarnation of various people. In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Chris's [[Comic Chris|fictional counterpart]] is the reincarnation of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], though he does not appear to believe this about himself in real life. However, during the epilogue of [[Sonichu_12#Episode_26:_Prideful|''Sonichu'' Episode 26]], Chris mentions a real-world dream in which he discovered he had been a (true and honest) [[Homos|lesbian]] hippie who attended {{w|Woodstock}} in a recent past life. He credits this dream with his realization that he is a "female soul" and decision to identify as a transsexual as opposed to a [[Tomgirl|cross-dresser]], further calling the psychological validity of his gender identity into question. Besides his own reincarnation, Chris's explanation of [[Liquid Chris#In the comic|what happened to Liquid Chris]] in the ''Sonichu'' canon mentions Liquid's soul being cleared of all memory of previous incarnations before being reincarnated, as what Chris considers an ironic punishment for someone who dared impersonate him.

Chris believes that in other [[dimensions]], people have the innate ability to swap bodies with others, even inanimate robots.

=== Sin ===
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}
{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}
{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

[[File:John Asperchu.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Take note, Chris.]]
Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His hatred of the homos had nothing to do with the prohibition of sodomy in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion. Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris believed that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] and genuinely to atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they[sic] have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits [[death threats|wrath]], [[Liquid Chris|envy]], [[obesity|gluttony]], [[monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[virgin with rage|lust]] and [[Chris and his Ego|pride]] constantly.

=== Forgiveness ===
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu brutally injuring and sexually assaulting [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in vengeance for [[Pickle|comparatively innocuous actions]].]]

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris's Attitude at the GAMe PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|threatening to set fire to his business]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

However, Chris has on occasion shown some capacity to genuinely forgive and move on, as shown at [[MAGfest]] where he was seen making up with [[Adam Stackhouse]] (albeit after 11 years). Such forgiveness has not been extended to the [[jerkops]], however.

=== Apostasy ===
For years before the [[Idea Guys]] seized the opportunity to infuse patent absurdities into Chris's mind, Chris appeared to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the ''problem of evil'' in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus was backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], God has nevertheless imparted upon him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seemed to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer was apparently like ordering a pizza: as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[Jerkop]]:

{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a [[May 2013]] letter to [[Kim Wilson|Kim]]:

{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)}}

Soon thereafter, inspired by ''{{w|Futurama}}'', he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

{{quote|The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.|Chris on Facebook, August 2014.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#tl;dr]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] — she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her [[Rosechu (species)|species]]. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns — he refers to Catholic priests as [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu|"pastors"] and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, although he probably has no idea what its relationship to Protestantism is.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, deference to a cleric on ethical matters is far more typical for Catholics than Protestants). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Given that he takes his own religion ''à la carte'', Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and the relationship between Protestantism and other kinds of Christianity. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

===Other religions===

''See also: [[Chris and race#Jews|Chris and race]]''

Most of Chris's opinions towards non-Christian faiths have been culled from ''[[South Park]]'' and other television series. For example, on 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment, Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and [[Sonichu 11]]" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of {{w|Judaism}}, probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and {{w|Buddhism|Buddhists}} don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich [sic] Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park'') and states he is "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish; he incidentally subscribes to his father's view that Snyder, [[Megan Schroeder]] and others were secretly directing the [[trolls]] to ruin Chris's life. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

Chris has described "{{w|Mormonism|Mormans}}" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much Chris knows about {{w|Unitarianism|Unitarianism}} (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; [[Jackie]] identified herself as a Unitarian,<ref>[[Jackie#Profile]]</ref> and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

{{Wise|Islam is the place to go to for exorcising lustful demons; mainly by someone [[Bluespike| shoving a medallion into Chris's ass]] while shouting "Allahu Ackbar!}}

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan the Moralf**|article]], he hints at a hatred of Islam. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Koran, and is not known to have ever publicly commented on the religion directly. Besides using the popular Western image of the [[Buddha belly|fat Buddha]] (actually a [[China|Chinese]] monk) and mentioning "Buddha" a few times, Chris has never shown any knowledge of oriental religions, let alone any opinion of them. Indeed, [[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in {{w|Taoism}} seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

===Atheism===
{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly [[Death Threats|wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork]], following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}
Chris's opinion of the irreligious is the most vacillating and incoherent, and incidentally one of the best documented. [[Ruckersville, VA|Unsurprisingly]], he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". In his [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gave "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref>, and as the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]]. However, in his later, revised [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some [[Chris and sex|hanky panky]].

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Messiah complex]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Pocket knife

2020-11-24T20:41:40Z

Corvax:

[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|How Chris wishes he could use the knife.|thumb|left]]
[[File:147-LightKnife.jpg|Now in card form!|thumb|right]]

Chris's '''pocket knife''', given to him by the [[Monthly tugboat|powers that be]], was one of his means of [[Death threats|threatening]] the [[trolls]] and [[Jerks|anyone else]] who stands in the way of [[China|true love]]. It is a small, multi-bladed "Swiss Army"-style tool, first seen in videos from early March 2010.

The only reason he chose a blade was likely because it was cheaper and easier to get than a [[Megatron pistol|gun that didn't turn into a robot]].

It is interesting to note that a blade was [[Liquid Chris]]'s weapon of choice in [[Sonichu Special 4]]. The irony is probably lost on Chris.

== Use of knife ==
[[File:CutFromPocketKnife.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's finger after accidentally cutting it with the knife.]]

In [[Don't Mess With Me]], after Chris gets (the invisible) [[Clyde Cash]] into a headlock, he tries to take the knife out of his pocket, succeeding only on the second attempt. After fiddling with it for a good three seconds, he manages to get the blade out. He then uses it to slit Clyde's imaginary throat. While wrapped up in the passion of his murder fantasy, he carelessly swipes the knife within inches of his neck, coming dangerously close to slitting his own throat on accident.

In [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], he brings it out again. After fiddling with it for a good ''eight'' seconds in a futile attempt to fold out the main cutting blade, he gives up and proceeds to effortlessly take out the corkscrew tool, using it to threaten his new foe, Surfshack Tito.

Chris believes his knife is the cure to all of his troll problems. In his threats to this very [[CWCki]], delivered on 14 March 2010, he claimed that "he is armed," evidently in reference to his newfound weapon. Obviously, Chris is overestimating the power of the blade and his competence with it. Given Chris's awkward fighting style and an absence of muscle, disarming Chris would be a simple task for most able bodied people. Were he to actually use it in a fight, the mere act of opening it would give even the slowest opponent ample time to [[Kick the Autistic|kick him]] in the [[duck]]. Not only that, but he'd also have to travel all around [[United States of America|America]], if not the world, to find every one of his major enemies.

After 4 years of dormancy, the pocket knife returned on 4 [[June 2015]], where Chris revealed on [[Facebook]] that his [[Chris and...|utter foolishness]] resulted in him cutting his finger deeply and having to go to the ER to get it stitched.

==Spotted in==
*[[Don't Mess With Me]]
*[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
*[[The MovingForward videos]]

{{Clear}}
==See also==
* [[Fangs]]: Chris's previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[Megatron Pistol]]: Chris's other previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[26 December 2014|Pepper spray]]: Chris's former weapon that he actually used to inflict injury.
* [[Cutco]]: The makers of mediocre, yet more intimidating knives.
* [[Baseball bat]]: Chris's latest weapon which he keeps stored in his backpack.

{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Don't Mess With Me

2020-11-23T16:46:19Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}
'''Don't Mess With Me.MP4''' is another video [[Chris]] made for trolls on 10 [[March 2010]]. Heightening the rhetoric against those who go against him from his [[A message to the Trolls|previous video]] that day, he playacts what [[Chris and Reality|he thinks]] would happen if he actually met a [[troll]].

Chris goes beyond [[Sign Destruction Video|tearing up a paper sign]] or [[Chris Loses It|beating his hammy fists against a cardboard box]] to indicate his [[Chris and anger|anger]] towards a [[Trolls|person]] and actually plays out a scene in which he pulls out a [[pocket knife]] and [[Gun Comic|simulates]] [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|the murder]] of an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]], who probably had nothing to do with the loss of [[The Wallflower]] anyway. It's also worth noticing that Chris still seems to believe the ridiculous cover story about [[PandaHalo]] being real and getting [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|raped]] by Clyde. When Chris pulls out his knife, it takes him about a total of 9 seconds to get it out. It doesn't take a knife expert to equip it in less than 3 seconds, showing that even if he tried to use the knife in a fight, he would have been beaten to the ground before getting a chance to take it out, let alone use it. Additionally, his lack of knife safety knowledge is unsurprising yet disturbing, as while in the heat of the moment as he pretends to slit Clyde's throat, he unwittingly swipes the blade of the knife within inches of his own throat, making it a miracle that this video wasn't his last. Of note is the point in which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris uses]] "[[Chris and race|bigoted]]" as an insult when impersonating Clyde, implying [[Naïve|he doesn't understand]] [[Chris and English|its descriptive nature]].

Like in the previous video, his [[medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] are curiously absent. Also, [[Chris and health|take note of the fact that the environment is the exact same as in the previous video]].

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Don't Mess With Me.MP4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mQ9tjxaH5yE}}
| stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[A message to the Trolls]]
| next = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
}}
{{quote|This is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.}}

[[Image:Thats not a knoife..jpg|thumb|What would have inevitably happened if Chris pulled a knife on Clyde.]]

===Transcript===
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|SHHHHHHH!|thumb|left]]

You think I'm weak? You think I'm not tough? [''holds up fist''] This is what happens when I am intercept--this is what will happen when I am intercepted by a troll.

[''stands to the right, imitating {{w|Fred Mertz}}''] Why, hello Christian.

[''returns to center, finger to his forehead''] Uh, hello...

[''to the right, crosses arms''] What's the matter? You don't know me?

[''center, acts confused''] No, should I...?

[''to the right, brandishes the [[Claw]]''] It's me, Clyde CASH.

[''center''] Oh. [''crosses arms''] What the hell do you want, you son of a bitch?

[''right''] ''OH'', I just came by to tell you how much of a [[Chris and anger|son of a bitch]], [[monthly tugboat|lazy-ass]], [[Chris and race|bigoted]], [[Chris and English|fort treacherous]] rat you are.

[''center, growls'']

[''right''] Oh, and how about that time I raped your sweet Australian panda bear?

[''center''] '''''YOU SON OF A BITCH!'''''

[''Chris jumps at "Clyde Cash", starts punching the air in a girly manner. Punches himself twice, gets strangled, knees him, starts grappling with him. There's a jump cut as he continues to grapple. He punches, then starts stomping the ground. He is already visibly sweating.'']

[''reaches down and pulls up "Clyde"''] Come on. Get up, you son of a bitch!

[''puts "Clyde" in an invisible choke hold and takes an unreasonably long time to pull out a knife.'']

This...this is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.

[''makes motions of slitting "Clyde's" throat, coming dangerously close to accidentally cutting his own arm then neck for real''] SHHHHHHH!

[''holds throat and struggles''] Ughhh! Waaaagg! Ehhhh! [''collapses, then stands back up, hands on hips. He picks up his knife and holds it up.'']

Watch your back, trolls.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HMqtqpAa5Kc}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| subject = | type = VG Remix
| info = }}

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A message to the Trolls]]|nextlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-10]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2010-03-10]]

Don't Mess With Me

2020-11-23T16:01:01Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}
'''Don't Mess With Me.MP4''' is another video [[Chris]] made for trolls on 10 [[March 2010]]. Heightening the rhetoric against those who go against him from his [[A message to the Trolls|previous video]] that day, he playacts what [[Chris and Reality|he thinks]] would happen if he actually met a [[troll]].

Chris goes beyond [[Sign Destruction Video|tearing up a paper sign]] or [[Chris Loses It|beating his hammy fists against a cardboard box]] to indicate his [[Chris and anger|anger]] towards a [[Trolls|person]] and actually plays out a scene in which he pulls out a [[pocket knife]] and [[Gun Comic|simulates]] [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|the murder]] of an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]], who probably had nothing to do with the loss of [[The Wallflower]] anyway. It's also worth noticing that Chris still seems to believe the ridiculous cover story about [[PandaHalo]] being real and getting [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|raped]] by Clyde. When Chris pulls out his knife, it takes him about a total of 9 seconds to get it out. It doesn't take a knife expert to equip it in less than 3 seconds, showing that even if he tried to use the knife in a fight, he would have been beaten to the ground before getting a chance to take it out, let alone use it. Additionally, his lack of knife safety knowledge is unsurprisingly disturbing, as while in the heat of the moment as he pretends to slit Clyde's throat, he unwittingly swipes the blade of the knife within inches of his own throat, making it a miracle that this video wasn't his last. Of note is the point in which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris uses]] "[[Chris and race|bigoted]]" as an insult when impersonating Clyde, implying [[Naïve|he doesn't understand]] [[Chris and English|its descriptive nature]].

Like in the previous video, his [[medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] are curiously absent. Also, [[Chris and health|take note of the fact that the environment is the exact same as in the previous video]].

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Don't Mess With Me.MP4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mQ9tjxaH5yE}}
| stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[A message to the Trolls]]
| next = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
}}
{{quote|This is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.}}

[[Image:Thats not a knoife..jpg|thumb|What would have inevitably happened if Chris pulled a knife on Clyde.]]

===Transcript===
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|SHHHHHHH!|thumb|left]]

You think I'm weak? You think I'm not tough? [''holds up fist''] This is what happens when I am intercept--this is what will happen when I am intercepted by a troll.

[''stands to the right, imitating {{w|Fred Mertz}}''] Why, hello Christian.

[''returns to center, finger to his forehead''] Uh, hello...

[''to the right, crosses arms''] What's the matter? You don't know me?

[''center, acts confused''] No, should I...?

[''to the right, brandishes the [[Claw]]''] It's me, Clyde CASH.

[''center''] Oh. [''crosses arms''] What the hell do you want, you son of a bitch?

[''right''] ''OH'', I just came by to tell you how much of a [[Chris and anger|son of a bitch]], [[monthly tugboat|lazy-ass]], [[Chris and race|bigoted]], [[Chris and English|fort treacherous]] rat you are.

[''center, growls'']

[''right''] Oh, and how about that time I raped your sweet Australian panda bear?

[''center''] '''''YOU SON OF A BITCH!'''''

[''Chris jumps at "Clyde Cash", starts punching the air in a girly manner. Punches himself twice, gets strangled, knees him, starts grappling with him. There's a jump cut as he continues to grapple. He punches, then starts stomping the ground. He is already visibly sweating.'']

[''reaches down and pulls up "Clyde"''] Come on. Get up, you son of a bitch!

[''puts "Clyde" in an invisible choke hold and takes an unreasonably long time to pull out a knife.'']

This...this is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.

[''makes motions of slitting "Clyde's" throat, coming dangerously close to accidentally cutting his own arm then neck for real''] SHHHHHHH!

[''holds throat and struggles''] Ughhh! Waaaagg! Ehhhh! [''collapses, then stands back up, hands on hips. He picks up his knife and holds it up.'']

Watch your back, trolls.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HMqtqpAa5Kc}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| subject = | type = VG Remix
| info = }}

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A message to the Trolls]]|nextlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-10]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2010-03-10]]

Don't Mess With Me

2020-11-23T15:59:06Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}
'''Don't Mess With Me.MP4''' is another video [[Chris]] made for trolls on 10 [[March 2010]]. Heightening the rhetoric against those who go against him from his [[A message to the Trolls|previous video]] that day, he playacts what [[Chris and Reality|he thinks]] would happen if he actually met a [[troll]].

Chris goes beyond [[Sign Destruction Video|tearing up a paper sign]] or [[Chris Loses It|beating his hammy fists against a cardboard box]] to indicate his [[Chris and anger|anger]] towards a [[Trolls|person]] and actually plays out a scene in which he pulls out a [[pocket knife]] and [[Gun Comic|simulates]] [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|the murder]] of an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]], who probably had nothing to do with the loss of [[The Wallflower]] anyway. It's also worth noticing that Chris still seems to believe the ridiculous cover story about [[PandaHalo]] being real and getting [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|raped]] by Clyde. When Chris pulls out his knife, it takes him about a total of 9 seconds to get it out. It doesn't take a knife expert to equip it in less than 3 seconds, showing that even if he tried to use the knife in a fight, he would have been beaten to the ground before getting a chance to take it out, let alone use it. Additionally, his lack of knife safety knowledge is unsurprisingly disturbing, as while in the heat of the moment as he pretends to slit Clyde's throat, he unwittingly swipes the blade of the knife within inches of his own throat. Of note is the point in which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris uses]] "[[Chris and race|bigoted]]" as an insult when impersonating Clyde, implying [[Naïve|he doesn't understand]] [[Chris and English|its descriptive nature]].

Like in the previous video, his [[medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] are curiously absent. Also, [[Chris and health|take note of the fact that the environment is the exact same as in the previous video]].

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Don't Mess With Me.MP4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mQ9tjxaH5yE}}
| stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[A message to the Trolls]]
| next = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
}}
{{quote|This is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.}}

[[Image:Thats not a knoife..jpg|thumb|What would have inevitably happened if Chris pulled a knife on Clyde.]]

===Transcript===
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|SHHHHHHH!|thumb|left]]

You think I'm weak? You think I'm not tough? [''holds up fist''] This is what happens when I am intercept--this is what will happen when I am intercepted by a troll.

[''stands to the right, imitating {{w|Fred Mertz}}''] Why, hello Christian.

[''returns to center, finger to his forehead''] Uh, hello...

[''to the right, crosses arms''] What's the matter? You don't know me?

[''center, acts confused''] No, should I...?

[''to the right, brandishes the [[Claw]]''] It's me, Clyde CASH.

[''center''] Oh. [''crosses arms''] What the hell do you want, you son of a bitch?

[''right''] ''OH'', I just came by to tell you how much of a [[Chris and anger|son of a bitch]], [[monthly tugboat|lazy-ass]], [[Chris and race|bigoted]], [[Chris and English|fort treacherous]] rat you are.

[''center, growls'']

[''right''] Oh, and how about that time I raped your sweet Australian panda bear?

[''center''] '''''YOU SON OF A BITCH!'''''

[''Chris jumps at "Clyde Cash", starts punching the air in a girly manner. Punches himself twice, gets strangled, knees him, starts grappling with him. There's a jump cut as he continues to grapple. He punches, then starts stomping the ground. He is already visibly sweating.'']

[''reaches down and pulls up "Clyde"''] Come on. Get up, you son of a bitch!

[''puts "Clyde" in an invisible choke hold and takes an unreasonably long time to pull out a knife.'']

This...this is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.

[''makes motions of slitting "Clyde's" throat, coming dangerously close to accidentally cutting his own arm then neck for real''] SHHHHHHH!

[''holds throat and struggles''] Ughhh! Waaaagg! Ehhhh! [''collapses, then stands back up, hands on hips. He picks up his knife and holds it up.'']

Watch your back, trolls.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HMqtqpAa5Kc}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| subject = | type = VG Remix
| info = }}

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A message to the Trolls]]|nextlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-10]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2010-03-10]]

Don't Mess With Me

2020-11-23T15:51:37Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}
'''Don't Mess With Me.MP4''' is another video [[Chris]] made for trolls on 10 [[March 2010]]. Heightening the rhetoric against those who go against him from his [[A message to the Trolls|previous video]] that day, he playacts what [[Chris and Reality|he thinks]] would happen if he actually met a [[troll]].

Chris goes beyond [[Sign Destruction Video|tearing up a paper sign]] or [[Chris Loses It|beating his hammy fists against a cardboard box]] to indicate his [[Chris and anger|anger]] towards a [[Trolls|person]] and actually plays out a scene in which he pulls out a [[pocket knife]] and [[Gun Comic|simulates]] [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|the murder]] of an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]], who probably had nothing to do with the loss of [[The Wallflower]] anyway. It's also worth noticing that Chris still seems to believe the ridiculous cover story about [[PandaHalo]] being real and getting [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|raped]] by Clyde. When Chris pulls out his knife, it takes him about a total of 9 seconds to get it out. It doesn't take a knife expert to equip it in less than 3 seconds, showing that even if he tried to use the knife in a fight, he would have been beaten to the ground before getting a chance to take it out, let alone use it. Of note is the point in which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris uses]] "[[Chris and race|bigoted]]" as an insult when impersonating Clyde, implying [[Naïve|he doesn't understand]] [[Chris and English|its descriptive nature]].

Like in the previous video, his [[medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] are curiously absent. Also, [[Chris and health|take note of the fact that the environment is the exact same as in the previous video]].

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Don't Mess With Me.MP4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mQ9tjxaH5yE}}
| stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[A message to the Trolls]]
| next = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
}}
{{quote|This is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.}}

[[Image:Thats not a knoife..jpg|thumb|What would have inevitably happened if Chris pulled a knife on Clyde.]]

===Transcript===
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|SHHHHHHH!|thumb|left]]

You think I'm weak? You think I'm not tough? [''holds up fist''] This is what happens when I am intercept--this is what will happen when I am intercepted by a troll.

[''stands to the right, imitating {{w|Fred Mertz}}''] Why, hello Christian.

[''returns to center, finger to his forehead''] Uh, hello...

[''to the right, crosses arms''] What's the matter? You don't know me?

[''center, acts confused''] No, should I...?

[''to the right, brandishes the [[Claw]]''] It's me, Clyde CASH.

[''center''] Oh. [''crosses arms''] What the hell do you want, you son of a bitch?

[''right''] ''OH'', I just came by to tell you how much of a [[Chris and anger|son of a bitch]], [[monthly tugboat|lazy-ass]], [[Chris and race|bigoted]], [[Chris and English|fort treacherous]] rat you are.

[''center, growls'']

[''right''] Oh, and how about that time I raped your sweet Australian panda bear?

[''center''] '''''YOU SON OF A BITCH!'''''

[''Chris jumps at "Clyde Cash", starts punching the air in a girly manner. Punches himself twice, gets strangled, knees him, starts grappling with him. There's a jump cut as he continues to grapple. He punches, then starts stomping the ground. He is already visibly sweating.'']

[''reaches down and pulls up "Clyde"''] Come on. Get up, you son of a bitch!

[''puts "Clyde" in an invisible choke hold and takes an unreasonably long time to pull out a knife.'']

This...this is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.

[''makes motions of slitting "Clyde's" throat, coming dangerously close to accidentally cutting his own arm then neck for real''] SHHHHHHH!

[''holds throat and struggles''] Ughhh! Waaaagg! Ehhhh! [''collapses, then stands back up, hands on hips. He picks up his knife and holds it up.'']

Watch your back, trolls.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HMqtqpAa5Kc}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| subject = | type = VG Remix
| info = }}

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A message to the Trolls]]|nextlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-10]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2010-03-10]]

Don't Mess With Me

2020-11-23T15:49:02Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}
'''Don't Mess With Me.MP4''' is another video [[Chris]] made for trolls on 10 [[March 2010]]. Heightening the rhetoric against those who go against him from his [[A message to the Trolls|previous video]] that day, he playacts what [[Chris and Reality|he thinks]] would happen if he actually met a [[troll]].

Chris goes beyond [[Sign Destruction Video|tearing up a paper sign]] or [[Chris Loses It|beating his hammy fists against a cardboard box]] to indicate his [[Chris and anger|anger]] towards a [[Trolls|person]] and actually plays out a scene in which he pulls out a [[pocket knife]] and [[Gun Comic|simulates]] [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|the murder]] of an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]], who probably had nothing to do with the loss of [[The Wallflower]] anyway. It's also worth noticing that Chris still seems to believe the ridiculous cover story about [[PandaHalo]] being real and getting [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|raped]] by Clyde. When Chris pulls out his knife, it takes him about a total of 9 seconds to get it out. It doesn't take a knife expert to equip it in less than 3 seconds, showing that even if he tried to use the knife in a fight, he would have been beaten to the ground before getting a chance to take it out, let alone use it. Of note is the point in which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris uses]] "[[Chris and race|bigoted]]" as an insult when impersonating Clyde, implying [[Naïve|he doesn't understand]] [[Chris and English|its descriptive nature]].

Like in the previous video, his [[medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] are curiously absent. Also, [[Chris and health|take note of the fact that the environment is the exact same as in the previous video]].

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Don't Mess With Me.MP4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mQ9tjxaH5yE}}
| stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[A message to the Trolls]]
| next = [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
}}
{{quote|This is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.}}

[[Image:Thats not a knoife..jpg|thumb|What would have inevitably happened if Chris pulled a knife on Clyde.]]

===Transcript===
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|SHHHHHHH!|thumb|left]]

You think I'm weak? You think I'm not tough? [''holds up fist''] This is what happens when I am intercept--this is what will happen when I am intercepted by a troll.

[''stands to the right, imitating {{w|Fred Mertz}}''] Why, hello Christian.

[''returns to center, finger to his forehead''] Uh, hello...

[''to the right, crosses arms''] What's the matter? You don't know me?

[''center, acts confused''] No, should I...?

[''to the right, brandishes the [[Claw]]''] It's me, Clyde CASH.

[''center''] Oh. [''crosses arms''] What the hell do you want, you son of a bitch?

[''right''] ''OH'', I just came by to tell you how much of a [[Chris and anger|son of a bitch]], [[monthly tugboat|lazy-ass]], [[Chris and race|bigoted]], [[Chris and English|fort treacherous]] rat you are.

[''center, growls'']

[''right''] Oh, and how about that time I raped your sweet Australian panda bear?

[''center''] '''''YOU SON OF A BITCH!'''''

[''Chris jumps at "Clyde Cash", starts punching the air in a girly manner. Punches himself twice, gets strangled, knees him, starts grappling with him. There's a jump cut as he continues to grapple. He punches, then starts stomping the ground. He is already visibly sweating.'']

[''reaches down and pulls up "Clyde"''] Come on. Get up, you son of a bitch!

[''puts "Clyde" in an invisible choke hold and takes an unreasonably long time to pull out a knife.'']

This...this is for Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, you bastard.

[''makes motions of slitting "Clyde's" throat, coming dangerously close to actually cutting his own arm then neck''] SHHHHHHH!

[''holds throat and struggles''] Ughhh! Waaaagg! Ehhhh! [''collapses, then stands back up, hands on hips. He picks up his knife and holds it up.'']

Watch your back, trolls.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HMqtqpAa5Kc}}
| stardate = 14 [[March 2010]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| subject = | type = VG Remix
| info = }}

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A message to the Trolls]]|nextlink=[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-10]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2010-03-10]]

MKRNightVee

2019-05-02T04:29:46Z

Corvax: /* Nightvee Comic */

{{incomplete}}

'''Meghan K. Ringo''' (also known under the aliases '''MKRNightVee''' and '''thepixietailartist''') is a [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] [[white knight]] who pretended to be various cartoon characters in order to talk with Chris in chat forums, while he was in his already [[Chris and reality|deteriorated mental state]]. In order to more closely associate with Chris and gain his trust, Meghan has taken on the persona of the Magenta Heart CPU Goddess, the patron of the [[Nintendo]] Switch. She has also created her own comic series in a similar style to the Sonichu comic.
{{infobox
| title = MKRNightVee
| image = [[Image:MeghanRingo.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Meghan K. Ringo
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MKRNightVee thepixietailartist
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 24 April 1992 (age {{age|1992|24|4}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = Cosplayer
}}

==Nightvee Medalion==

[[File:Nightvee medalion.jpg|thumb|left|The Nightvee medalion]]

==Nightvee Comic==

Meghan is the creator of the comic character Nightvee (stylized: NiGHTVEE) which is a combination of the [[Sega]] character Nights and the [[Pokemon]] character Eevee. The comic follows the adventures of Nightvee and her friends in the Pokemon world. The Nightvee comic series is very similar in plot, character arcs, and [[Chris and Art|art direction]] to the [[Sonichu comics]]. However, though Meghan's art style is still very amateur, it is noticeably better than Chris' despite Meghan's younger age and presumable lesser experience.

===Prologue Synopsis===

A rainbow beam caused by Sonichu fighting the Perfect Chaos Monster releases Nights from his slumber and releases him into the world. Nights collides with a nearby Eevee and creates the flying fox pokemon; Nightvee. The same rainbow beam strikes a Primarina pokemon which transforms her into Creamarina and gives her the ability to talk to humans. Nightvee falls to Earth and is adopted by Meghan's self insert character.

===Issue 1 Synopsis===

Creamarina is abandoned by her former trainer and meets [[Rosechu]]. After [[Team Rocket]] starts kidnapping pokemon, Nightvee flys to MKRtropolis to find a trainer who can fight off Team Rocket. After Reala falls through a portal into the real world, they are kidnapped by a Team Rocket goon and brought before [[Giovanni]].

===Special Issue 1 (currently)===

Special Issue #1 currently includes the rabbit Hariet from super Mario odyssey currently playing as the assistant of Giovanni the leader of team rocket in the pokemon series trying to capture Nights from the sega game Nights into dreams. After ruining a picnic Nights is in the metal hands of a robot bunny piloted by Hariet and is watching as a clone of Sonichu beats Chris senseless. The comic is still being continued by MKR with the infrequent and random posting of the comic.

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Prologue
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page4.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Episode 1
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page6.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page7.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page8.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page9.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Special Issue 1 “Under Rebel Fire”
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover alt.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page1.png
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page6.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page7.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page8.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page9.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Unreleased preview sketches
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Nightvee34.png

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Chris's Nightvee related art
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Christine Nightvee ComicPeice.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and reality]]
*[[Dimensional Merge]]
*[[Idea Guys]]
*[[Reality Cartoon]]
*[[Weening]] (possibly)
*[[White knight]]

==External Links==
[https://mkrnightvee.tumblr.com/ MKRNightvee's Tumblr account], where new pages of the comic are posted.

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

MKRNightVee

2019-05-02T04:27:25Z

Corvax:

{{incomplete}}

'''Meghan K. Ringo''' (also known under the aliases '''MKRNightVee''' and '''thepixietailartist''') is a [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] [[white knight]] who pretended to be various cartoon characters in order to talk with Chris in chat forums, while he was in his already [[Chris and reality|deteriorated mental state]]. In order to more closely associate with Chris and gain his trust, Meghan has taken on the persona of the Magenta Heart CPU Goddess, the patron of the [[Nintendo]] Switch. She has also created her own comic series in a similar style to the Sonichu comic.
{{infobox
| title = MKRNightVee
| image = [[Image:MeghanRingo.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Meghan K. Ringo
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MKRNightVee thepixietailartist
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 24 April 1992 (age {{age|1992|24|4}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = Cosplayer
}}

==Nightvee Medalion==

[[File:Nightvee medalion.jpg|thumb|left|The Nightvee medalion]]

==Nightvee Comic==

Meghan is the creator of the comic character Nightvee (stylized: NiGHTVEE) which is a combination of the [[Sega]] character Nights and the [[Pokemon]] character Eevee. The comic follows the adventures of Nightvee and her friends in the Pokemon world. The Nightvee comic series is very similar in plot, character arcs, and [[Chris and Art|art direction]] to the [[Sonichu comics]]. Though Meghan's art style is still very amateur, it is noticeably better than [[Chris and art|Chris's]] despite Meghan's younger age and presumable lesser experience.

===Prologue Synopsis===

A rainbow beam caused by Sonichu fighting the Perfect Chaos Monster releases Nights from his slumber and releases him into the world. Nights collides with a nearby Eevee and creates the flying fox pokemon; Nightvee. The same rainbow beam strikes a Primarina pokemon which transforms her into Creamarina and gives her the ability to talk to humans. Nightvee falls to Earth and is adopted by Meghan's self insert character.

===Issue 1 Synopsis===

Creamarina is abandoned by her former trainer and meets [[Rosechu]]. After [[Team Rocket]] starts kidnapping pokemon, Nightvee flys to MKRtropolis to find a trainer who can fight off Team Rocket. After Reala falls through a portal into the real world, they are kidnapped by a Team Rocket goon and brought before [[Giovanni]].

===Special Issue 1 (currently)===

Special Issue #1 currently includes the rabbit Hariet from super Mario odyssey currently playing as the assistant of Giovanni the leader of team rocket in the pokemon series trying to capture Nights from the sega game Nights into dreams. After ruining a picnic Nights is in the metal hands of a robot bunny piloted by Hariet and is watching as a clone of Sonichu beats Chris senseless. The comic is still being continued by MKR with the infrequent and random posting of the comic.

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Prologue
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page4.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Episode 1
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page6.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page7.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page8.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page9.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Special Issue 1 “Under Rebel Fire”
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover alt.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page1.png
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page6.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page7.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page8.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page9.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Unreleased preview sketches
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Nightvee34.png

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Chris's Nightvee related art
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Christine Nightvee ComicPeice.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and reality]]
*[[Dimensional Merge]]
*[[Idea Guys]]
*[[Reality Cartoon]]
*[[Weening]] (possibly)
*[[White knight]]

==External Links==
[https://mkrnightvee.tumblr.com/ MKRNightvee's Tumblr account], where new pages of the comic are posted.

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

MKRNightVee

2019-05-02T04:25:28Z

Corvax:

{{incomplete}}

'''Meghan K. Ringo''' (also known under the aliases '''MKRNightVee''' and '''thepixietailartist''') is a [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] [[white knight]] who pretended to be various cartoon characters in order to talk with Chris in chat forums, while he was in his already [[Chris and reality|deteriorated mental state]]. In order to more closely associate with Chris and gain his trust, Meghan has taken on the persona of the Magenta Heart CPU Goddess, the patron of the [[Nintendo]] Switch. She has also created her own comic series in a similar style to the Sonichu comic.
{{infobox
| title = MKRNightVee
| image = [[Image:MeghanRingo.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Meghan K. Ringo
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MKRNightVee thepixietailartist
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 24 April 1992 (age {{age|1992|24|4}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = Cosplayer
}}

==Nightvee Medalion==

[[File:Nightvee medalion.jpg|thumb|left|The Nightvee medalion]]

==Nightvee Comic==

Meghan is the creator of the comic character Nightvee (stylized: NiGHTVEE) which is a combination of the [[Sega]] character Nights and the [[Pokemon]] character Eevee. The comic follows the adventures of Nightvee and her friends in the Pokemon world. The Nightvee comic series is very similar in plot, character arcs, and [[Chris and Art|art direction]] to the [[Sonichu comics]]. Though Meghan's art style is still very amateur, it is still noticeably better than [[Chris and art|Chris's]] despite Meghan's younger age and presumable lesser experience.

===Prologue Synopsis===

A rainbow beam caused by Sonichu fighting the Perfect Chaos Monster releases Nights from his slumber and releases him into the world. Nights collides with a nearby Eevee and creates the flying fox pokemon; Nightvee. The same rainbow beam strikes a Primarina pokemon which transforms her into Creamarina and gives her the ability to talk to humans. Nightvee falls to Earth and is adopted by Meghan's self insert character.

===Issue 1 Synopsis===

Creamarina is abandoned by her former trainer and meets [[Rosechu]]. After [[Team Rocket]] starts kidnapping pokemon, Nightvee flys to MKRtropolis to find a trainer who can fight off Team Rocket. After Reala falls through a portal into the real world, they are kidnapped by a Team Rocket goon and brought before [[Giovanni]].

===Special Issue 1 (currently)===

Special Issue #1 currently includes the rabbit Hariet from super Mario odyssey currently playing as the assistant of Giovanni the leader of team rocket in the pokemon series trying to capture Nights from the sega game Nights into dreams. After ruining a picnic Nights is in the metal hands of a robot bunny piloted by Hariet and is watching as a clone of Sonichu beats Chris senseless. The comic is still being continued by MKR with the infrequent and random posting of the comic.

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Prologue
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page4.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Episode 1
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page6.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page7.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page8.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page9.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Special Issue 1 “Under Rebel Fire”
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover alt.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page1.png
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page6.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page7.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page8.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page9.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Unreleased preview sketches
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Nightvee34.png

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Chris's Nightvee related art
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Christine Nightvee ComicPeice.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and reality]]
*[[Dimensional Merge]]
*[[Idea Guys]]
*[[Reality Cartoon]]
*[[Weening]] (possibly)
*[[White knight]]

==External Links==
[https://mkrnightvee.tumblr.com/ MKRNightvee's Tumblr account], where new pages of the comic are posted.

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

MKRNightVee

2019-05-02T04:24:36Z

Corvax:

{{incomplete}}

'''Meghan K. Ringo''' (also known under the aliases '''MKRNightVee''' and '''thepixietailartist''') is a [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] [[white knight]] who pretended to be various cartoon characters in order to talk with Chris in chat forums, while he was in his already [[Chris and reality|deteriorated mental state]]. In order to more closely associate with Chris and gain his trust, Meghan has taken on the persona of the Magenta Heart CPU Goddess, the patron of the [[Nintendo]] Switch. She has also created her own comic series in a similar style to the Sonichu comic. Though her comic's art style is still very amateur, it is still noticeably better than [[Chris and art|Chris's]] despite Meghan's younger age and presumable lesser experience.

{{infobox
| title = MKRNightVee
| image = [[Image:MeghanRingo.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Meghan K. Ringo
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MKRNightVee thepixietailartist
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 24 April 1992 (age {{age|1992|24|4}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = Cosplayer
}}

==Nightvee Medalion==

[[File:Nightvee medalion.jpg|thumb|left|The Nightvee medalion]]

==Nightvee Comic==

Meghan is the creator of the comic character Nightvee (stylized: NiGHTVEE) which is a combination of the [[Sega]] character Nights and the [[Pokemon]] character Eevee. The comic follows the adventures of Nightvee and her friends in the Pokemon world. The Nightvee comic series is very similar in plot, character arcs, and [[Chris and Art|art direction]] to the [[Sonichu comics]].

===Prologue Synopsis===

A rainbow beam caused by Sonichu fighting the Perfect Chaos Monster releases Nights from his slumber and releases him into the world. Nights collides with a nearby Eevee and creates the flying fox pokemon; Nightvee. The same rainbow beam strikes a Primarina pokemon which transforms her into Creamarina and gives her the ability to talk to humans. Nightvee falls to Earth and is adopted by Meghan's self insert character.

===Issue 1 Synopsis===

Creamarina is abandoned by her former trainer and meets [[Rosechu]]. After [[Team Rocket]] starts kidnapping pokemon, Nightvee flys to MKRtropolis to find a trainer who can fight off Team Rocket. After Reala falls through a portal into the real world, they are kidnapped by a Team Rocket goon and brought before [[Giovanni]].

===Special Issue 1 (currently)===

Special Issue #1 currently includes the rabbit Hariet from super Mario odyssey currently playing as the assistant of Giovanni the leader of team rocket in the pokemon series trying to capture Nights from the sega game Nights into dreams. After ruining a picnic Nights is in the metal hands of a robot bunny piloted by Hariet and is watching as a clone of Sonichu beats Chris senseless. The comic is still being continued by MKR with the infrequent and random posting of the comic.

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Prologue
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee page4.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Episode 1
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo1.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 pageinfo2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page6.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page7.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page8.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page9.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Special Issue 1 “Under Rebel Fire”
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP issue1cover alt.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page1.png
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page2.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page3.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page4.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page5.jpg
File:Tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page6.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page7.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page8.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page9.jpg
File:tumblr nightvee SP eps1 page10.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Nightvee Unreleased preview sketches
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Nightvee34.png

</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Chris's Nightvee related art
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Christine Nightvee ComicPeice.jpg

</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and reality]]
*[[Dimensional Merge]]
*[[Idea Guys]]
*[[Reality Cartoon]]
*[[Weening]] (possibly)
*[[White knight]]

==External Links==
[https://mkrnightvee.tumblr.com/ MKRNightvee's Tumblr account], where new pages of the comic are posted.

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

March 2019

2019-03-31T16:02:46Z

Corvax:

{{ongoing}}

'''March''' is the third month of [[2019]]. [[Image:Muffin.jpg|thumb|Chris in March 2019]]

==Highlights==
*2 March - Chris attempts to contact Elon Musk because a joke he told on ''The Big Bang Theory'' was similar to Chris' beliefs about dimensions.
*4 March - Chris expresses his displeasure to Sonic's design for the upcoming live action movie, paying special attention to the [[blarms]].
*7 March - Chris uploads [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]], revealing that [[Sarah and Steve]] sent him a [[Nintendo]] Switch for his [[Chris's birthday|birthday]]. [[Bryanfrogboy]] makes [[Bryanfrogboy#The Art of Criticizing Chris Chan|a video defending Chris]].
*8 March - Bryan deletes his video.
*11 March - Chris announces that one of his husbands, [[Mewtwo]], is ill from a brain virus.
*12 March - Chris lists a pair of his [[Shoe Colouring|customized sneakers]] for sale on [[eBay]] for $200. [[Jacob Sockness]] buys it later that day.
*13 March - An eyewitness [[A Wild Chris-Chan Attempts Human Interaction|video of Chris shopping at a GameStop]] is uploaded. Chris tweets about Zak Kayes, a [[pedophile]] who he deems to be safe [[Chris and reality|because of the confirmation from his OC]].
*14 March - Chris demands that his house, the [[14 Branchland Court|Sonichu Headquarters]], be made into a Pokéstop for ''Pokémon Go''.
*17 March - Sonichu's 19th anniversary; Chris tweets how he almost forgot that fact.
*18 March - Chris tweets about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] anatomy.
*22 March - Chris goes [[Copitz#2nd_Visit_and_Ghost_Hunt|ghost hunting with Copitz]]; their exploits were posted the next day.
*30 march - Chris uploads [[Goodwill Offering and Kindest Wishes]], where he pays respect to those abused at the DeJarnette Sanitarium by leaving [[Chris and his Ego| a Sonichu drawing.]]

==Videos==
*[[March 2019 videos]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
</gallery></center>

{{timeline}}

CWC Update 28 December 2008

2012-03-12T21:19:01Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

"'''CWC Update 28 December 2008'''" (officially "'''CWC Update 12282008'''") is [[Chris's]] first video log in over two months. He thanks his fans for helping him win a gift card in the [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|GameStop "Be a Star" Sweepstakes]], offers "condolences" to the family of [[Ryan Cash]], and vows to complete the long-awaited Spring Break story for [[Sonichu 8]].

His fascination with the power to cause Ryan's death is considered especially chilling.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update 28 December 2008
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fC5l59UYsu0}}
| stardate = 28 [[December 2008]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}} {{Comics|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour#Video|Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour]]
| next = [[CWC AC: City Folk Update#Video|CWC AC: City Folk Update]]
}}
{{quote|Thank you all very much for voting for me in the Guitar Hero Contest; you know who you are. :D Move on and be happy, family of Ryan. First Official Sonichu Home Club Meeting is on January 2, 2009 at 9:00 PM, EST. Please Do Not Leave Me.}}

{{quote|Geez. So much power....}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Captain's Log]].

[''inhales deeply''] I wish to express my deepest appreciation for everybody who voted for me on the [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|''Guitar Hero'' "Be a Star" contest]]… and for win—before—and allowing me to be the first to win the four hundred—the first of the $400 gift cards… weekly there. And it’s b—going to be shared with my congregation… at my [[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church|''church'']]… where, uh, pers—where people who would ''like''… they m—they, uh… can write their name on a piece of paper I have over there. Uh… you know, one game per person. I'll get new—new or used for them after I get the gift card!

And, uh… and, uh, for [[Ryan Cash]] and his family, I—I, uh, feel for you, and I'm sorry, but—uh, best thing you can do for, uh, Ryan and yourselves… is just to move on. Try to be as hap—try to be… happy… in the future. That's what Ryan would want for—for y'all in the family.

Geez. [[Chris and ego|So much power...]] That's—that's a lot worse than when [[Christian Weston Chandler|that child]] locked himself in the room after he—after seeing Optimus Prime die in [[Transformers|the original movie]].

And then, also on the [[PlayStation Network]] on the Home, I started the, uh, [[Sonichu Home Club|Sonichu ''Home'' Club]]. It's official, and legit. The first official meeting will be on January 2nd, 2009, at 9:00 pm EST. Topic will be a pre-upload reading of the, uh, [[Sonichu 8#Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008"|18th episode]] of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]] for the—to complete the, uh… ''Number 8'' co—[[Sonichu 8|''Number 8'' comic book]]. And the—the coloring of that is—uh… I only got two pages left to go. So, it’ll definitely be done by ''then'', and I will have it uploaded on the 3rd or 4th of January.

Thank y'all for your patience, and… ''do not leave me, fans'', because… you know, more is—will—more is to be—more is to come, definitely. But, you know, it just depends on my inspiration. ''I get a lot of [[stress]] in my life''! And it sometimes hinders me. And even my [[autism|mental block]]. [''makes an odd “static” noise''] And I get distra—and I get distracted sometimes. I ''am''… a little embarrassed from saying that, but… it's ''a'' truth. But you can depend on me to have the comics up as—as—when—as soon as possible, at my own pace. So… patience will be [[Yawning Squirtle|greatly rewarded]].

Thank y'all very much, and have a pleasant day, and… Talk to y'all again in [[2009]].

CWC Update 28 December 2008

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour]]|nextlink=[[CWC AC: City Folk Update]]|}}

{{Captain's Log}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2008-12-28]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, December 2008| 28]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2008-12-28]]

Forgot the Glitter

2012-02-27T20:34:22Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}

'''Forgot the Glitter''' (leaked as ''vjtuevvjkdufkbjtdv [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which a distressed Chris performs a jiggle-dance in the changing room of a [[Walmart]] for [[Jackie]]. Originally a performance intended to be taped in the store's aisles, Chris had to settle for humiliating himself privately in the fitting rooms due to the fact that the store was busier than he had anticipated.

[[Chris]], dressed in his jean skirt appears trying on a brand new red tank top with a price tag attached to it, presumably to gain access to the changing rooms at the store. The tank top looks way too small for him, suggesting that even if [[Chris]] were to [[Fashion|buy new clothes]] they would still look as if he had had them since he was twelve years old. After a short disclaimer he starts wobbling his fat rolls back and forth while uttering nonsense for almost two minutes. In the course of the video, he lifts his skirt to reveal the [[tomgirl|Transgender]] symbol inscribed on his left ass cheek (which he calls his "[[cutie mark]]"). This is a rather curious choice of body art given Chris' continual derision of gay men, as the transgender symbol is traditionally associated with the [[Homos|LGBT community]]. Although the symbol appears to be rendered in Crayola marker and not tattoo ink, it wouldn't be entirely past Chris to have himself forever branded like the gender-confused cow he strives to be. After nearly half a minute of mooning his audience [[Chris]] finally pulls his skirt back down to reveal that he has decorated it with the letters "[[Jackie|J.PIE]]", because nothings says "I love you" to a girl quite like spelling her name with silver spangle on your skirt.

Interesting to note is Chris's discomfort in performing such a bizarre request; a reluctance that, while healthy and expected of a sane individual, has been absent in Chris's [[Love Quest|pursuit]] of appeasing a sweetheart until now. However, the completed video further illustrates that when [[china]] is involved, "dignity" is not a word in Chris's vocabulary.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Forgot the Glitter
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wRD1EBmaRx4}}
| stardate =
| subject = {{Sex}}
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Red tank top
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[We see Chris in his tomgirl get up, bent over to talk to the camera in a change room in Wal-Mart.]''

I ain't gonna do it, I'm sorry Jackie, but I'm not gonna be able to do it in the aisles today. More crowded then I thought...

What the hell is going on with that light?

Anyway, mmmm. Enjoy the 2 minutes in the dressing room here.

''[Chris begins to shake his body]''

Walla walla Walmart Walla walla Wal-Mart, Walla walla walla walla walla Wal-Mart walla walla

''[Chris lifts up his mini skirt showing his unholy taint. He then begins to shake it in front of the camera.]''

Walla walla Wal-Mart walla walla walla walla Wal-Mart

Deh deh deh deh deh deh walla walla Wal-Mart

walla walla Walmart walla walla Wal-Mart shake that, walla walla Wal-Mart

''[Puts his skirt down and continues dancing.]''

Walla walla walla walla walla, walla walla walla, walla walla Wal-Mart

Walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla walla

Check your progress, check your progress, walla walla Wal-Mart

''[Chris, now clearly exhausted, attempts to continue dancing but gives up.]''

Oh! the things I do for love, and I forgot the glitter.

([[Stress Sigh|sigh]]) Jackie I'll progress. Check my progress.
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Cheerleader

2012-02-26T03:06:08Z

Corvax:

'''Cheerleader''' is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which Chris acts as a [[Laura Beth Dorazio|cheerleader]] for Jackie, wearing a tank top and [[Tomgirl Saga|denim skirt]]. The video, for reasons unknown, appears to be sped up slightly faster than normal.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Cheerleader
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xQzUIZv4Xls}}
| stardate =
| subject =
| style =
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Yellow tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

''[Chris steps out, in tomgirl garb and pom poms. He does some awkward shakes of the pom poms and some knee-kicks.]''
Rah rah ree! [[Kick the Autistic|Kick 'em in the knee!]] Rah rah rut! Kick 'em in the other knee!

''[Chris unsuccessfully tries to spell 'KICK" with his body.]''

[[I_AM_STRONG|Just a little warm up!]]

''[He doesn't even try to get the letters right in his movements anymore as he indulges in a series of kicks.]''

J! A! C! K! I! E! Who's that girl who can't be beat? [[Jackie|Jackie! Jackie!]] Who's that girl [[Chris and English|who-- she's so sweet!]] Jackie! Jackie!

''[Chris moves toward the camera, his mouth not moving, to reveal that he's either dubbed over his movements or he just can't render a video for shit.]''

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Forgot the Glitter

2012-02-25T21:54:06Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}

'''Forgot the Glitter''' (leaked as ''vjtuevvjkdufkbjtdv [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which a distressed Chris performs a jiggle-dance in the changing room of a [[Walmart]] for [[Jackie]], showing off his fat ass on which he has drawn some sort of Tomgirl symbol, all after lamenting that he can not do this in an actual store aisle as he had evidently promised. Interesting to note is Chris's discomfort in performing such a humiliating request- a reluctance that, while healthy and expected of a sane individual, has been until now absent in Chris's pursuit of appeasing a sweetheart.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Forgot the Glitter
| video =
| stardate =
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Red tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

to do

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Forgot the Glitter

2012-02-25T21:49:08Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}

'''Forgot the Glitter''' (leaked as ''vjtuevvjkdufkbjtdv [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which a distressed Chris performs a jiggle-dance in the changing room of a [[Walmart]] for [[Jackie]], showing off his fat ass on which he has drawn some sort of Tomgirl symbol, all after lamenting that he can not do this in an actual store aisle as he had evidently promised. Interesting to note is Chris's discomfort in performing such a humiliating request, a reluctance that, while healthy and expected of a sane individual, has been until now absent in Chris's pursuit of appeasing a sweetheart.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Forgot the Glitter
| video =
| stardate =
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Red tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

to do

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Forgot the Glitter

2012-02-25T21:39:24Z

Corvax:

{{Honest}}

'''Forgot the Glitter''' (leaked as ''vjtuevvjkdufkbjtdv [SaveYouTube.com]'') is a video leaked on 25 [[February 2012]] in which a distressed Chris performs a jiggle-dance in the changing room of a [[Walmart]] for [[Jackie]], showing off his fat ass on which he has drawn some sort of Tomgirl symbol. Interesting to note is Chris's discomfort in performing such a humiliating request, a reluctance that, while healthy and expected of a sane individual, has been until now absent in Chris's pursuit of appeasing a sweetheart.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Forgot the Glitter
| video =
| stardate =
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Red tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===

to do

==See also==

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san

2012-01-17T20:53:17Z

Corvax:

During his talks with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to produce his own line of video games, [[Christian]] hits a snag when Miyamoto jumps to the conclusion that he is talking to a troll and not the real Christian Weston Chandler. To recover the trust of his business partner, Chris rushes to produce this video, in which he appeals to Miyamoto's cultural background by saying (in an obnoxious accent) things he has heard Japanese people say. He also [[Wikipedia:Customs and etiquette of Japan#Bowing|bows]] like a woman, [[Wikipedia:Japanese_phonology#Vowels|mispronounces]] Miyamoto's name, and [[Wikipedia:Japanese_honorifics#San|redundantly addresses]] him as Mr. Miyamoto-san, which is essentially "Mr. Mr. Miyamoto."

Chris also verifies his identity with several unimpeachable methods:

# He says he is the real Christian Weston Chandler and asks that the viewer believe him.
# He holds up his driver's license, proving that he is someone who might be able to obtain a fake ID.
# He uses his fingers to obscure his license number, but also manages to cover his name, address, and other information.
# He shows off his [[Wii Remote of Fail|custom-painted Wii controllers]], which everyone knows only the real CWC could possess.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san
| image = {{#ev:youtube|E_lA0BTq6kk}}
| Stardate = 17 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am a real deal, believe me.}}

===Transcript===

[''bows deeply''] ''Ohayō'', Mr. Miyamoto-san.

[''loudly sets down Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] I am he—I have br—decided to, uh, do this video standing up, as I felt it more appropriate... so that I could also loan myself to bow for your presence and such. [''inhales deeply'']

Anyway... I have checked my, uh, e-mail account. No trolls have sent any—any slanderous e-mails or—''any'' e-mails, or... nobody has hacked my AOL account of chrischansonichu@aol.com. So... you ha—so, you’re still talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. [''removes glasses dramatically''] Believe me. [''inhales deeply, sighs, and returns glasses to face'']

And also, uh, y’know, I’ve sent you a...nother... Also, I can also further prove it... [''reaches into pocket''] My driver’s license. [''holds out license for a close-up''] I cover my, uh... number on there... but if you look closely enough, you can—if you look at—in one part, if you—you can see the, uh, “Virginia”... and the ''state'' numbers on there. [''puts license back in pocket''] The state-shaped logo on there.

And also, Mr. Miyamoto... [''picks up Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] my Wii Remote and Nunchuk. [''holds out Nunchuk proudly''] “We would like to play” [''bows as if presenting the Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] to quote [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP-THj03Zk4 the commercial] in [[Chris and race|a honorable way,]] if I may. [''sets Wii Remote and Nunchuk back down'']

So, Mr. Miyamoto, please, uh... do not i—do not disres—do not, uh, a—do not, uh, quote me as a—a troll, because I am a real deal, believe me. I mean, although I guess I do deserve it, upon retrospect, since I, uh... [''inhales deeply and sighs''] made the, uh, accusation myself. So, hopefully, we can set this—set this minor business as—minor bit of bad business aside... and continue on for ''good'' business. And hopefully, I will be able to, uh, meet with you in Redmond... as soon as possible. I’ll be talking to my church congregation tomorrow.

And, uh, I wish you a pleasant day, Miyamoto-san. [''bows'']

''Sayōnara'' for now.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-17]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-17]]

CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san

2012-01-17T20:52:48Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

During his talks with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to produce his own line of video games, [[Christian]] hits a snag when Miyamoto jumps to the conclusion that he is talking to a troll and not the real Christian Weston Chandler. To recover the trust of his business partner, Chris rushes to produce this video, in which he appeals to Miyamoto's cultural background by saying (in an obnoxious accent) things he has heard Japanese people say. He also [[Wikipedia:Customs and etiquette of Japan#Bowing|bows]] like a woman, [[Wikipedia:Japanese_phonology#Vowels|mispronounces]] Miyamoto's name, and [[Wikipedia:Japanese_honorifics#San|redundantly addresses]] him as Mr. Miyamoto-san, which is essentially "Mr. Mr. Miyamoto."

Chris also verifies his identity with several unimpeachable methods:

# He says he is the real Christian Weston Chandler and asks that the viewer believe him.
# He holds up his driver's license, proving that he is someone who might be able to obtain a fake ID.
# He uses his fingers to obscure his license number, but also manages to cover his name, address, and other information.
# He shows off his [[Wii Remote of Fail|custom-painted Wii controllers]], which everyone knows only the real CWC could possess.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san
| image = {{#ev:youtube|E_lA0BTq6kk}}
| Stardate = 17 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am a real deal, believe me.}}

===Transcript===

[''bows deeply''] ''Ohayō'', Mr. Miyamoto-san.

[''loudly sets down Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] I am he—I have br—decided to, uh, do this video standing up, as I felt it more appropriate... so that I could also loan myself to bow for your presence and such. [''inhales deeply'']

Anyway... I have checked my, uh, e-mail account. No trolls have sent any—any slanderous e-mails or—''any'' e-mails, or... nobody has hacked my AOL account of chrischansonichu@aol.com. So... you ha—so, you’re still talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. [''removes glasses dramatically''] Believe me. [''inhales deeply, sighs, and returns glasses to face'']

And also, uh, y’know, I’ve sent you a...nother... Also, I can also further prove it... [''reaches into pocket''] My driver’s license. [''holds out license for a close-up''] I cover my, uh... number on there... but if you look closely enough, you can—if you look at—in one part, if you—you can see the, uh, “Virginia”... and the ''state'' numbers on there. [''puts license back in pocket''] The state-shaped logo on there.

And also, Mr. Miyamoto... [''picks up Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] my Wii Remote and Nunchuk. [''holds out Nunchuk proudly''] “We would like to play” [''bows as if presenting the Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] to quote [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP-THj03Zk4 the commercial] in [Chris and race|a honorable way,] if I may. [''sets Wii Remote and Nunchuk back down'']

So, Mr. Miyamoto, please, uh... do not i—do not disres—do not, uh, a—do not, uh, quote me as a—a troll, because I am a real deal, believe me. I mean, although I guess I do deserve it, upon retrospect, since I, uh... [''inhales deeply and sighs''] made the, uh, accusation myself. So, hopefully, we can set this—set this minor business as—minor bit of bad business aside... and continue on for ''good'' business. And hopefully, I will be able to, uh, meet with you in Redmond... as soon as possible. I’ll be talking to my church congregation tomorrow.

And, uh, I wish you a pleasant day, Miyamoto-san. [''bows'']

''Sayōnara'' for now.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-17]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-17]]

CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san

2012-01-17T20:50:57Z

Corvax:

During his talks with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to produce his own line of video games, [[Christian]] hits a snag when Miyamoto jumps to the conclusion that he is talking to a troll and not the real Christian Weston Chandler. To recover the trust of his business partner, Chris rushes to produce this video, in which he appeals to Miyamoto's cultural background by saying (in an obnoxious accent) things he has heard Japanese people say. He also [[Wikipedia:Customs and etiquette of Japan#Bowing|bows]] like a woman, [[Wikipedia:Japanese_phonology#Vowels|mispronounces]] Miyamoto's name, and [[Wikipedia:Japanese_honorifics#San|redundantly addresses]] him as Mr. Miyamoto-san, which is essentially "Mr. Mr. Miyamoto."

Chris also verifies his identity with several unimpeachable methods:

# He says he is the real Christian Weston Chandler and asks that the viewer believe him.
# He holds up his driver's license, proving that he is someone who might be able to obtain a fake ID.
# He uses his fingers to obscure his license number, but also manages to cover his name, address, and other information.
# He shows off his [[Wii Remote of Fail|custom-painted Wii controllers]], which everyone knows only the real CWC could possess.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san
| image = {{#ev:youtube|E_lA0BTq6kk}}
| Stardate = 17 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am a real deal, believe me.}}

===Transcript===

[''bows deeply''] ''Ohayō'', Mr. Miyamoto-san.

[''loudly sets down Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] I am he—I have br—decided to, uh, do this video standing up, as I felt it more appropriate... so that I could also loan myself to bow for your presence and such. [''inhales deeply'']

Anyway... I have checked my, uh, e-mail account. No trolls have sent any—any slanderous e-mails or—''any'' e-mails, or... nobody has hacked my AOL account of chrischansonichu@aol.com. So... you ha—so, you’re still talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. [''removes glasses dramatically''] Believe me. [''inhales deeply, sighs, and returns glasses to face'']

And also, uh, y’know, I’ve sent you a...nother... Also, I can also further prove it... [''reaches into pocket''] My driver’s license. [''holds out license for a close-up''] I cover my, uh... number on there... but if you look closely enough, you can—if you look at—in one part, if you—you can see the, uh, “Virginia”... and the ''state'' numbers on there. [''puts license back in pocket''] The state-shaped logo on there.

And also, Mr. Miyamoto... [''picks up Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] my Wii Remote and Nunchuk. [''holds out Nunchuk proudly''] “We would like to play” [''bows as if presenting the Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] to quote [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP-THj03Zk4 the commercial] in a honorable way, if I may. [''sets Wii Remote and Nunchuk back down'']

So, Mr. Miyamoto, please, uh... do not i—do not disres—do not, uh, a—do not, uh, quote me as a—a troll, because I am a real deal, believe me. I mean, although I guess I do deserve it, upon retrospect, since I, uh... [''inhales deeply and sighs''] made the, uh, accusation myself. So, hopefully, we can set this—set this minor business as—minor bit of bad business aside... and continue on for ''good'' business. And hopefully, I will be able to, uh, meet with you in Redmond... as soon as possible. I’ll be talking to my church congregation tomorrow.

And, uh, I wish you a pleasant day, Miyamoto-san. [''bows'']

''Sayōnara'' for now.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-17]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-17]]

CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san

2012-01-17T20:50:19Z

Corvax:

During his talks with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to produce his own line of video games, [[Christian]] hits a snag when Miyamoto jumps to the conclusion that he is talking to a troll and not the real Christian Weston Chandler. To recover the trust of his business partner, Chris rushes to produce this video, in which he appeals to Miyamoto's cultural background by saying (in an obnoxious accent) things he has heard Japanese people say. He also [[Wikipedia:Customs and etiquette of Japan#Bowing|bows]] like a woman, [[Wikipedia:Japanese_phonology#Vowels|mispronounces]] Miyamoto's name, and [[Wikipedia:Japanese_honorifics#San|redundantly addresses]] him as Mr. Miyamoto-san, which is essentially "Mr. Mr. Miyamoto."

Chris also verifies his identity with several unimpeachable methods:

# He says he is the real Christian Weston Chandler and asks that the viewer believe him.
# He holds up his driver's license, proving that he is someone who might be able to obtain a fake ID.
# He uses his fingers to "cover" his number, but also manages to cover his name, address, and other information.
# He shows off his [[Wii Remote of Fail|custom-painted Wii controllers]], which everyone knows only the real CWC could possess.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san
| image = {{#ev:youtube|E_lA0BTq6kk}}
| Stardate = 17 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am a real deal, believe me.}}

===Transcript===

[''bows deeply''] ''Ohayō'', Mr. Miyamoto-san.

[''loudly sets down Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] I am he—I have br—decided to, uh, do this video standing up, as I felt it more appropriate... so that I could also loan myself to bow for your presence and such. [''inhales deeply'']

Anyway... I have checked my, uh, e-mail account. No trolls have sent any—any slanderous e-mails or—''any'' e-mails, or... nobody has hacked my AOL account of chrischansonichu@aol.com. So... you ha—so, you’re still talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. [''removes glasses dramatically''] Believe me. [''inhales deeply, sighs, and returns glasses to face'']

And also, uh, y’know, I’ve sent you a...nother... Also, I can also further prove it... [''reaches into pocket''] My driver’s license. [''holds out license for a close-up''] I cover my, uh... number on there... but if you look closely enough, you can—if you look at—in one part, if you—you can see the, uh, “Virginia”... and the ''state'' numbers on there. [''puts license back in pocket''] The state-shaped logo on there.

And also, Mr. Miyamoto... [''picks up Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] my Wii Remote and Nunchuk. [''holds out Nunchuk proudly''] “We would like to play” [''bows as if presenting the Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] to quote [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP-THj03Zk4 the commercial] in a honorable way, if I may. [''sets Wii Remote and Nunchuk back down'']

So, Mr. Miyamoto, please, uh... do not i—do not disres—do not, uh, a—do not, uh, quote me as a—a troll, because I am a real deal, believe me. I mean, although I guess I do deserve it, upon retrospect, since I, uh... [''inhales deeply and sighs''] made the, uh, accusation myself. So, hopefully, we can set this—set this minor business as—minor bit of bad business aside... and continue on for ''good'' business. And hopefully, I will be able to, uh, meet with you in Redmond... as soon as possible. I’ll be talking to my church congregation tomorrow.

And, uh, I wish you a pleasant day, Miyamoto-san. [''bows'']

''Sayōnara'' for now.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-17]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-17]]

CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san

2012-01-17T20:48:40Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

During his talks with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to produce his own line of video games, [[Christian]] hits a snag when Miyamoto jumps to the conclusion that he is talking to a troll and not the real Christian Weston Chandler. To recover the trust of his business partner, Chris rushes to produce this video, in which he appeals to Miyamoto's cultural background by saying (in an obnoxious accent) things he has heard Japanese people say. He also [[Wikipedia:Customs and etiquette of Japan#Bowing|bows]] like a woman, [[Wikipedia:Japanese_phonology#Vowels|mispronounces]] Miyamoto's name, and [[Wikipedia:Japanese_honorifics#San|redundantly addresses]] him as Mr. Miyamoto-san, which is essentially "Mr. Mr. Miyamoto."

Chris also verifies his identity with several unimpeachable methods:

# He says he is the real Christian Weston Chandler and asks that the viewer believe him.
# He holds up his driver's license, proving that he is someone who might be able to obtain a fake ID.
# He shows off his [[Wii Remote of Fail|custom-painted Wii controllers]], which everyone knows only the real CWC could possess.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san
| image = {{#ev:youtube|E_lA0BTq6kk}}
| Stardate = 17 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am a real deal, believe me.}}

===Transcript===

[''bows deeply''] ''Ohayō'', Mr. Miyamoto-san.

[''loudly sets down Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] I am he—I have br—decided to, uh, do this video standing up, as I felt it more appropriate... so that I could also loan myself to bow for your presence and such. [''inhales deeply'']

Anyway... I have checked my, uh, e-mail account. No trolls have sent any—any slanderous e-mails or—''any'' e-mails, or... nobody has hacked my AOL account of chrischansonichu@aol.com. So... you ha—so, you’re still talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. [''removes glasses dramatically''] Believe me. [''inhales deeply, sighs, and returns glasses to face'']

And also, uh, y’know, I’ve sent you a...nother... Also, I can also further prove it... [''reaches into pocket''] My driver’s license. [''holds out license for a close-up''] I cover my, uh... number on there... but if you look closely enough, you can—if you look at—in one part, if you—you can see the, uh, “Virginia”... and the ''state'' numbers on there. [''puts license back in pocket''] The state-shaped logo on there.

And also, Mr. Miyamoto... [''picks up Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] my Wii Remote and Nunchuk. [''holds out Nunchuk proudly''] “We would like to play” [''bows as if presenting the Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] to quote [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP-THj03Zk4 the commercial] in a honorable way, if I may. [''sets Wii Remote and Nunchuk back down'']

So, Mr. Miyamoto, please, uh... do not i—do not disres—do not, uh, a—do not, uh, quote me as a—a troll, because I am a real deal, believe me. I mean, although I guess I do deserve it, upon retrospect, since I, uh... [''inhales deeply and sighs''] made the, uh, accusation myself. So, hopefully, we can set this—set this minor business as—minor bit of bad business aside... and continue on for ''good'' business. And hopefully, I will be able to, uh, meet with you in Redmond... as soon as possible. I’ll be talking to my church congregation tomorrow.

And, uh, I wish you a pleasant day, Miyamoto-san. [''bows'']

''Sayōnara'' for now.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-17]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-17]]

CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san

2012-01-17T20:47:44Z

Corvax:

During his talks with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to produce his own line of video games, [[Christian]] hits a snag when Miyamoto jumps to the conclusion that he is talking to a troll and not the real Christian Weston Chandler. To recover the trust of his business partner, Chris rushes to produce this video, in which he appeals to Miyamoto's cultural background by saying (in an obnoxious accent) things he has heard Japanese people say. He also [[Wikipedia:Customs and etiquette of Japan#Bowing|bows]] like a woman, [[Wikipedia:Japanese_phonology#Vowels|mispronounces]] Miyamoto's name, and [[Wikipedia:Japanese_honorifics#San|redundantly addresses]] him as Mr. Miyamoto-san, which is essentially "Mr. Mr. Miyamoto."

Chris also verifies his identity with several unimpeachable methods:

# He says he is the real Christian Weston Chandler and asks that the viewer believe him.
# He holds up his driver's license, proving that he is someone who might be able to obtain a fake ID.
# He shows off his [[Wii Remote of Fail|custom-painted Wii controllers]], which everyone knows only the real CWC could possess.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san
| image = {{#ev:youtube|E_lA0BTq6kk}}
| Stardate = 17 January 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Miyamoto|text}}
| Shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
}}</center>

{{quote|I am a real deal, believe me.}}

===Transcript===

[''bows deeply''] ''Ohayō'', Mr. Miyamoto-san.

[''loudly sets down Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] I am he—I have br—decided to, uh, do this video standing up, as I felt it more appropriate... so that I could also loan myself to bow for your presence and such. [''inhales deeply'']

Anyway... I have checked my, uh, e-mail account. No trolls have sent any—any slanderous e-mails or—''any'' e-mails, or... nobody has hacked my AOL account of chrischansonichu@aol.com. So... you ha—so, you’re still talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. [''removes glasses dramatically''] Believe me. [''inhales deeply, sighs, and returns glasses to face'']

And also, uh, y’know, I’ve sent you a...nother... Also, I can also further prove it... [''reaches into pocket''] My driver’s license. [''holds out license for a close-up, unwittingly obscuring his name''] I cover my, uh... number on there... but if you look closely enough, you can—if you look at—in one part, if you—you can see the, uh, “Virginia”... and the ''state'' numbers on there. [''puts license back in pocket''] The state-shaped logo on there.

And also, Mr. Miyamoto... [''picks up Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] my Wii Remote and Nunchuk. [''holds out Nunchuk proudly''] “We would like to play” [''bows as if presenting the Wii Remote and Nunchuk''] to quote [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP-THj03Zk4 the commercial] in a honorable way, if I may. [''sets Wii Remote and Nunchuk back down'']

So, Mr. Miyamoto, please, uh... do not i—do not disres—do not, uh, a—do not, uh, quote me as a—a troll, because I am a real deal, believe me. I mean, although I guess I do deserve it, upon retrospect, since I, uh... [''inhales deeply and sighs''] made the, uh, accusation myself. So, hopefully, we can set this—set this minor business as—minor bit of bad business aside... and continue on for ''good'' business. And hopefully, I will be able to, uh, meet with you in Redmond... as soon as possible. I’ll be talking to my church congregation tomorrow.

And, uh, I wish you a pleasant day, Miyamoto-san. [''bows'']

''Sayōnara'' for now.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-17]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga videos| 2009-01-17]]

Cole Smithey

2011-12-25T03:18:38Z

Corvax:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Colesmithey.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age 48)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Barbara]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (supposed father) [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (presumed actual father) [[Jerry Harmon]] (supposed stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole, [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 e-mail #3]]}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail #1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara's]] first son and the lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's e-mails to Chris]] revealed a lot about the Chandler family.

He currently lives in Manhattan and is a noted film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He achieved notoriety in Time Magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to Toy Story 3.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> He also occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions [[Chris and his ego|to spend a night drinking with him.]]

==Childhood==
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|left|Cole's [[true and honest]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> As a child, Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married to, but records show she wasn't.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG</ref> Cole suspected, and later confirmed, that his biological father was [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

==Move to California==
Cole left Virginia for California, attending San Diego State University from 1981-1984, and earning degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College in similar fields of study.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs". The band lasted from 1981-1985.<ref>The Rockin’ Dogs
</ref>{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole wasn't on good terms with [[Bob]] and not even with [[Barbara]]. [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. Cole has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks him to let him know when Bob dies, so that he can celebrate.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

Barbara continued to lie about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]].

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.
{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Ironically, Cole actually gets along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb (or at least he used to; it's unclear whether the two are still in regular contact), and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.

Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ.

Chris visited Cole in California at some point, the only time Chris has been on an airplane and one of only two times that he has left [[Virginia]] (the other being his trip to Ohio to save "[[Julie]]").

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts, his presumed father, had died a month beforehand.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris.

===Cole in the comics===
Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu. This means that even his half-brother is stuck in [[CWCville]].

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-11-20T21:38:59Z

Corvax:

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrate clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, [[28 October 2011|he will soon appear in front of a judge.]]

Most recently, in the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://adfki.wikinet.org/wiki/ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his "slender" figure" - Obesity===

Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat." He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people--during his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty Fat, child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile," adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Truck Driver

2011-11-13T20:05:44Z

Corvax:

'''Truck Driver''' is the fourth track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvvMdCTA_os Truck Driving] by [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]].

Yankovic's original song is intended to be a humorous juxtaposition of a rugged male voice and themes about a profession typically associated with men contrasted with lyrics that suggest the protagonist is a woman or [[Tomgirl|transvestite.]] The [[Parody|comedy]] is likely over Chris's head, and the song was probably chosen as a proud anthem of his Tomgirl lifestyle.

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Truck Driver"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tq66hZOuaGA}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = [[Tomgirl]]
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man]]
| next = [[Girls And Boys]]
}}
=== Lyrics ===

I'm Drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck 
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn 
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

My diesel rig is northward bound 
It's time to put that hammer down 
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by 
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel 
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel 
While I'm waiting for my nails to dry 

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror 
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight 
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight 
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight 
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight 

Because I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck 
Got these eighteen wheels-a-rollin' until the break of dawn 
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me 
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much 
But when I hit those big speed bumps 
My darling little rhinestone pumps 
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch 

But still I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck 
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon 
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a truck 
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck 
And I'm late for my appointment down at my hair salon 
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]

Truck Driver

2011-11-13T17:20:33Z

Corvax:

'''Truck Driver''' is the fourth track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvvMdCTA_os Truck Driving] by [[Wikipedia:"Weird Al" Yankovic|"Weird Al" Yankovic]].

Yankovic's original song is intended to be a humorous juxtaposition of a rugged male voice and themes about a profession typically associated with men contrasted with lyrics that suggest the protagonist is a woman or [[Tomgirl|transvestite.]] The comedy is likely over Chris's head, and the song was probably chosen as a proud anthem of his Tomgirl lifestyle.

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Truck Driver"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tq66hZOuaGA}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = [[Tomgirl]]
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man]]
| next = [[Girls And Boys]]
}}
=== Lyrics ===

I'm Drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck 
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn 
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

My diesel rig is northward bound 
It's time to put that hammer down 
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by 
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel 
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel 
While I'm waiting for my nails to dry 

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror 
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight 
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight 
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight 
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight 

Because I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck 
Got these eighteen wheels-a-rollin' until the break of dawn 
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me 
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much 
But when I hit those big speed bumps 
My darling little rhinestone pumps 
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch 

But still I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck 
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon 
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a truck 
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck 
And I'm late for my appointment down at my hair salon 
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-11-07T20:44:25Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrate clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, [[28 October 2011|he might soon appear in front of a judge.]]

Most recently, in the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://adfki.wikinet.org/wiki/ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-10-03T20:33:44Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrate clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - [[Chris and the Law|Law]]===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Cole Smithey E-mails

2011-09-21T03:43:04Z

Corvax:

This page is a list of [[emails]] exchanged by [[Chris]] and his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] from March to July, [[2007]]. Notice that Cole's side of the conversation starts well-versed and polite, but prolonged exposure to Chris makes him obscene and mean-spirited. Not shockingly, it seems Chris (and the thought of Barbara) brings out the worst in him.

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 4, 2007

Remember your lil' bro.? It's me, Christian C. It's been a long while. I'm doing good. I graduated from [[PVCC]] with two [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] Degrees. And currently, I'm getting by with livin' with my folks and a [[monthly tugboat]]. [[Barbara|Mama]] is doing okay; she's been retired for like over a year now; she feels happier not having to rush back-and-forth through traffic and all that [[stress|hustle and bustle]]. But currently, she mostly sleeps on the couch during a bunch of the day, yet she does get up sometimes to go out with the family or do some work. We haven't seen much of our aunts either.

I have talked to mom, and I quote her when she said, "I do not regret giving life to Cole. We've had a bunch of good years up till the madness. And all things considered I still love Cole very much like any mother would for her son." She really does. :) And I have

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 6, 2007

It's very Christian of [[Barbara]] to not regret having given birth to me but I'm an [[Wikipedia:atheism|atheist]]. I also have no
regrets about emerging from her womb. Although, she is mistaken about the "bunch of good years"
we supposedly had together. I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former
stepfather [[Jerry]], where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings
to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults. The
treatment I received in [[Richmond]], Va was another matter altogether. To raise a child in such
conditions is inexcusable. Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They
were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather
not remember.

As for Barbara professing her "love" for me, I have not seen any evidence of it in close to 20 years,
and that's a very long time. Barbara's definition of love is [[CWC-isms|a hackneyed sentimental term she uses to
extract a response]]. Love is not something you say, it's something you do by staying in contact with
a person, visiting, communicating, asking questions and answering them. You will remember that in
the 16 years that I lived in California, Barbara only visited me one time. In the 11 years that I have
lived in New York, she has never visited me. 
In spite of the fact that it is always the parent's responsibility to guide their relationship with their
children, on several occasions I have gone beyond the call of duty to visit her. But I will never make
such an effort again.

The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] cur than [[Bob Chandler]]. I hope that you will e-mail me when he dies so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates.

The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of [[lies]] she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.

After lying to me about the identity of my father, Barbara refused to come clean and disclose the truth on the eve on my wedding. This might not sound much to you, but I assure you that I spent 15 years attempting to track down my real father with no help from the one person who could clear the air with a few words, your mother.

As it turns out, Barbara was never married to the man she swore was my real father (Jack Dale Smithey) and to whom she said she was married, but she was married to Ran Coleman Yeatts, a man who visited us when I was a child and who was always introduced as a "friend." I think the fact that Ran's middle name is "Coleman" tells you all you need to know about the true identity of my father. Realize here the double [[lie]] that Barbara told about who she had been married to. It's an example of pathological behavior.

Even in their handling of you when you were a child left alone everyday for years by an unfit baby sitter, Barbara and Bob proved themselves to be careless parents. Everyday of our lives, you and I both pay a price for our parents' selfishness. Bob and Barbara pay a bigger price. They are the lonely and tortured people that they imagined their enemies to be. That is a curse that I would not wish on my worst enemy, especially not my own family.

Yes, I have a great life living in New York City, seeing six movies a week and interviewing my heroes. I live with a wonderful women named Katherine, whose family treats me like one of their own. I play guitar in a Jazz combo every Wednesday night. I spend two weeks out of every year on the French Riviera at the [[Wikipedia:Cannes Film Festival|Cannes Film Festival]], and two weeks in California every [[Christmas]] with Katherine's family. I have everything that I have ever wanted except a mother's love.

The moral of the story here is that just because someone is a mother does not mean that they are automatically a good person or that they are capable of acting as a parent. When Barbara thinks of me every single day of her life, just as I think about her, she may not regret the many wasted days of opportunity she had to share a relationship with her first son. But she does regret the fact that the opportunity will never come again. The best she can hope for is to read every word that I write, in search of clues that will never come.

If you want a kick, Google my name and you'll see some of the many newspapers that run my stuff.

Go ahead and send your [[DVD]] to my address listed below. You and I may be related, but our mother only loves you.

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/20/07

I hope you're doing well.

Anyhoo, I have a small favor to ask of you, I have previously submitted a video for Playstation's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappea [''sic''] the Rapper contest]], and I am currently among the Top 10 Contestants. If I win the Grand Prize, I can take my [[Megan|Sweet Friend]] with me to the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, WA.

Please go to the (http://www.us.playstation.com/vote/parappatherapper/default.aspx ) Playstation Website's Voting Page, and Vote for me; I'm the Lucky 7th Video (the one with the Blue Guitar)
Thank you, and I hope you all are still doing well. :)

Take care;
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Before you ask any favors, you might want to consult your mother about the past 20 years of secrecy, neglect, avarice and coldness that have irreparably ruined her relationship with me.

Did Bob finally die?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Joseph Cole Smithey, while I have an understanding of most of the events in momma's past, I am a man who does not judge one in regards of such unpleasentries.

Besides which, [[ego|that is not the point]]; I have a chance to win a trip to Seattle, Washington, attend a big gaming event, possibly take a tour of [[Nintendo]] of [[America]] Inc, two [[PSP]]s with [[PaRappa the Rapper|Parapper the Rapper]] [''sic''] games, and if I should win, I would take my sweet friend, [[Megan Schroeder]]. Although we are not yet on romantic conclusions, I still am fond of her and care about her very much.

I'm only requesting for a vote towards possible romance, towards [[Hanky-panky|a great gaming expierence]] [[Virgin with rage|I have not expierence before]], and towards potental great footage on my next [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC On TV" DVD]] that I will likely put together around my 50th or sooner.

On another topic, I have viewed your website numerous times, and I have enjoyed reading your well detailed reviews on the movies. I am looking forward to purchasing the DVDs for [[Wikipedia:Grindhouse (film)|Grindhouse]] (Planet Terror/Death Proof), [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]:Movie Film For Theaters, possibly [[Wikipedia:Spider-Man 3|Spider-Man 3]], and [[Transformers]] (I'm a total Autobot fan).

I hope you and your girlfriend are doing well and getting along, and I wish you two the best. And keep up the good work on your reviews. :)

Your Lil' Half bro;
Christian W. Chandler}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/23/07

I'll make a deal with you. You find out the identity of my real father from Barbara and e-mail me the person's name, and I will vote for you in your effort to travel to Seattle.

Deal?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Cool.

7/23/07

Well, okay. I just checked with our mother, with total confidence, and upon random remembering, I thought for a moment "Ramblin'" Randy; boy was that a totally goofy misconception. Anyway, the name of your Biological father is '''Jack Dale Smithey'''.

Good luck finding anything about him on the web; he was (maybe is) a total [[alcohol|drunk]] and loser. The only good things that came about in that marrage, said our mother, was the fancy wedding (it was a real sister-pleaser, and it pleased our grandmother as well; may she rest in peace), the love feeling that was there for a while, and

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is not my biological father. Barbara lied to me in saying that she was married to Jack. However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, 1961. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman" that this man is my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

I'd also like to add that Barbara never said anything about ever being married to Ran Coleman Yeatts. I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to [[Jerry Harmon]] - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you. After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations, I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies.

Just FYI.
Cole}}

{{Email|
We have a problem.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is absolutely not my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.

Barbara lied in even saying that she was ever married to Jack Dale Smithey. There is no marriage license to support her claim and no marriage photos.

However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, [[1961]]. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman," that this man is my biological father. However, Barbara never spoke of this marriage and Ran was a frequent visitor to our house when I was young as a "friend of the family." I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to Jerry Harmon - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you? After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations. Needless to say, I really don't give a fuck about Barbara or about her fucking lies.

Regarding "drunk losers." Bob and Barbara met at a bar that my good friend Chuck McGuigan worked at as a bartender, at the time. He witnessed first-hand Barbara and Bob acting out as a couple of drunken losers. It was an ugly episode that Chuck remembers vividly. We still talk about it to this day. Check that information out with your parents.

You have to remember kid, I've been around a lot longer than you, and I know a lot more about Bob and Barbara than even they know I know. Good luck.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since 1997
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate}}

{{Email|
Re: We have a problem

7/24/07

Have you started to wonder why it is that you have this "misconception" about who my father. I would submit that since Barbara was never married to Jack, and my name "Cole" matches up with the middle name of the man she never told you she was actually married to (I have proof right here in my hand) Ran Coleman Yeatts.

Your mother has spun a wicked web of lies, and she is the only one who can sort them out. As I told you, I don't give a fuck about her lies. I'm not so interested as to seek out and pay for an expensive DNA test to tell me what I already know -- that Jack Dale Smithey is not my father.

Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since [[1997]]
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate
National, International, Regional Print and Online Media
Daily, Weekly, Monthly and Bi-Monthly Print Media

STAFF FILM EDITOR for London's montly "THE LOCAL MAG"
Member of OFCS (Online Film Critics Society) since 2005

125 E 90th Street #3B
New York NY 10128

Important Note: This e-mail may contain privileged, undisclosed or otherwise confidential information. If you have received this e-mail in error, you are hereby notified that any review, copying or distribution of it is strictly prohibited. Please inform me immediately and destroy the original transmittal. Thank you for your cooperation.}}

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 [[March 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG
Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG
Image:Cole 07-03-06-4.PNG
Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-23.PNG|23 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 [[July 2007]] emails
Image:Cole 07-07-24-2.PNG
Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Wedding Comic

2011-09-09T21:21:03Z

Corvax: /* Plot */

[[Image:IvyWedding.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:November-rain-dress.jpg|thumb]]

'''Sonichu Special 2''', also known as the '''Wedding Comic''', is a comic created by Chris in [[2009]]. It shows how he visualizes his wedding to [[Ivy]]. The comic was released in its entirety on 12 [[May 2009]] by [[Clyde Cash]]. Before that, it was featured in the videos [[MEOW]] and [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]].

[[Chris and art|Art-wise]], the comic is remarkable in that Chris included a bunch of flowery stickers in it. [[Ivy]] originally wanted glitter to be used in a scene where [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] meets [[Layla]] (pages [[:File:SchuComic9P23.jpg|23]] and [[:File:SchuComic9P24.jpg|24]] of [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]]), but Chris got stickers instead and they remained unused because [[Rocky Shoemaker|external influences]] made him tone down the comic a little bit.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Layla and Punchy|Ivy Q&A: Layla and Punchy]]</ref> In these pages, the paper appears to be warped, perhaps because Chris couldn't be bothered to invest in decent-quality paper (rather, he seems to have [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|gone to Wal-Mart and paid five dollars for 500 sheets]]).

Chris acknowledges that he uses a character recolor (Canino Houndhowl) "designed" by [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]. This is certainly not the first nor the last time Chris has attempted to use stuff from his previous relationships to produce awesomely romantic artwork; a similar thing could be seen in [[LittleBigPlanet#First Date Level|First Date Level]].

==Plot==

It is Chris and Ivy's wedding day. Oddly, the sign outside advertises the "Chandler-Bundy wedding", even though Ivy's surname is O'Neil (Chris likely made an association between Ivy and actor Ed O'Neill, then [[Slow in the minds|confused]] Ed with his Married With Children character, Al Bundy.) Canino Houndhowl, a character created by [[Megan]]<ref>[[:File:318-HoundHowl.jpg]]</ref>, is on the door. The cake is prepared by some sort of dinosaur things called Gecko and Mantis (named after [[troll]] Gecko Mantis, who got his name from two ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'' characters; similarly, the piano-playing cat Spas is also named after a troll). [[Punchy Sonichu]] is eyeing up [[Layla Flaaffy]]. Ivy's friend Rachel (previously mentioned in [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|a video]]) is her maid of honor, her bridesmaid is Lilith and her father [[Officer Keino]] gives her away. Chris portrayed Ivy's father as Coach John McGuirk from [[Wikipedia:Home Movies (TV series)|''Home Movies'']] after Ivy mentioned he reminded her of the character.<ref>[[Ivy_Q%26A#Stalking|Ivy Q&A]]</ref> [[Sarah Hammer]], in William Spicer's tuxedo, is Chris's best man. [[Crass and Champ]] are the ring-bearers. They are married by a preacher seemingly wearing headphones, and after the reception they leave in a carriage drawn by a [[My Little Pony]] -- desperately fleeing a maddened [[Rosechu]], who pursues them down the road.

==Comic pages==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:IvyCWC1.jpg|Apparently, Ivy's feet are twice the size of Chris's.
Image:SchuComicSP2P1.jpg|Who's that yellow hedgehog?
Image:SchuComicSP2P2.jpg|A pair of raptor things making bad jokes likely ripped from Britcoms.
Image:SchuComicSP2P3.jpg|Trolls as wedding guests and the arrival of Officer McGuirk.
Image:SpasPianist.jpg|Spas the cat and... cousin?
Image:SchuComicSP2P4.jpg|Officer McGuirk gives away the fruit of his loins. [[Ching Chong|A traumatized Chinese girl]] litters the church with stickers.
Image:IvyWedding.jpg|Yes, this is the dress from "November Rain".
Image:SchuComicSP2P5.jpg|Why is the preacher wearing headphones?
Image:WedRing.jpg|HADOUKEN!
Image:IvyCWC2.jpg|You may now consume the bride's face.
Image:SchuComicSP2P6.jpg|Why is Sarah Hammer the [[homos|best man]]? Why does the cup have an evil face on it? Why is [[Rosechu]] chasing a chariot? Why is there a [[My Little Pony]]? Why does any of this comic exist at all?
</gallery>
</center>
{{clear}}

==Links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi3JYpdCK0w Audiobook]

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]][[Category: Ivy Saga]]

SonichuBabies

2011-08-26T18:57:19Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

[[File:SB.PNG]]

'''SonichuBabies''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In it, Chris rips off the [[1980s]] cartoon ''[[Wikipedia:Jim Henson's Muppet Babies|Jim Henson's Muppet Babies]]'' by recasting the [[Chaotic Combo]] as [[Sonee and Rosey|babies]]. Much like [[Things Chris has ripped off|everything else he steals]], Chris's version of the series lacks any of the charm and wit the original cartoon had, transforming it into "Chaotic Combo as babies, doing stuff babies aren't ''supposed'' to be doing!"

Chris shows us his lack of understanding about what constitutes proper childcare by leaving them unattended. The children [[Chris and sex|kiss]], watch TV shows meant for older audiences, ostracize [[Blake]], and [[CWC Fighter|fight]].

This marked the first time Chris has actually done ''anything'' with his beloved ''Sonichu'' characters since the [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas Special]] back in [[February 2010]].
[[File:11cfxgi.jpg.png|thumb|What the sonichu babies could have looked like [[Chris and art|if Chris could draw]]]]

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = SonichuBabies
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q2PE_bTOKKc}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Not visible
| previous = [[A Workout]]
| next = [[PlayingHouse]]
}}

{{quote|We're having fun today in [[Chris's room|da room]], aren't we!}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Wittle Cute Sonees Page 1 by johaely.jpg|thumb|Sonichu babies!]]

''[Displays four crude drawings of members of the [[Chaotic Combo]] as babies, stuck to the end of what appear to be pens or straws, singing]'' Dooweeoooh, [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] babies, we make our dreams come truueee...

''[Wild Sonichu and Blake in shot]'' Sonichu babies, we'll do the same for youuu...

''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Sonichu (character)|Sonee]] and [[Rosechu|Rosey]] in shot]'' When your world was kinda weird and you wished that you weren't theeere...

'''Rosey:''' Just close your eyes and make-believe, and you can be anywhere!

''[Drawing of a pair of human legs in shot]''

'''Nanny:''' Is everything alright in here?

'''Babies:''' Yes Nanny!

''[Displays all drawings, dropping some]'' Sonichu Sonichu Sonichu Sonichu babies! Yaaay! Okay, let's beginning da show!

''[Sonee and Rosey appear]''

'''Sonee:''' We're having fun today in d-in d-in da ''room'', aren't we! Y-Aren't we Rosey!

'''Rosey:''' Hehedat's right Sonee, we're having fun in here! Dat's [[Wild]], [[Bubbles]] ''[Blake appears instead of Bubbles]'', [[Punchy]] ''[Angelica appears instead of Punchy]'', [[Magi-chan]], [[Angelica]], even [[Blake]]! ''[Shows other drawings]''

'''Blake:''' Hello. What? I'm [[Christian Weston Chandler|the weird one]]. Compare me to Gonzo. I have [[niggos|black]] hair though.

''[Fumbles with sticks for a few seconds, removes all but Sonee and Rosey]''

'''Both:''' Anyway, come with us, we'regoingtohavefun, whee!

''[Moves the two around without rhyme or reason]''

'''Both:''' Whee, oh we're having fun, wheeeewheeee! Mm.

'''Sonee:''' Ey Ro- ey Rosey we're jus' a... d-d-fun. What'd you wanna do now?

'''Rosey:''' I wanna do that thing like we saw on da [[TV]] show.

'''Sonee:''' That what ya wanna do?

'''Rosey:''' Yeaah! Alright!

''[Makes the baby siblings "kiss"]''

'''Both:''' Mmmmmmm! Mmmmm!

''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and writing|Exposition!Magi-chan]] moves into shot]''

'''Magi-chan:''' What? Ever since they watched- they seen that kissing scene, on that episode of... [[wikipedia:The Young and the Restless|The Young and the Restless]]... they been makin' out, all the time! They lot-ov-enjoying it. Lil' Sonee has been noted saying, "she tastes like applesauce"!

''[Disembodied legs return]''

'''Nanny:''' Hey kids, I got' go out now. And mukku-my husband's comin' with me.

''[Comic Chris's trademark sneakers join]''

'''Chris:''' That's right. We're going out to go- we're going out shopping. We're gonna bring back some delicious groceries, and we'll be back in a lil' while. ''[Pause]'' Wait a minute. Who's gonna mind the babies?

'''Nanny:''' Oh yeah you're right. You stay home.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah you're right, [[Monthly tugboat |I'll stay home]], you go out to get the groceries.

'''Nanny:''' Look how we settled that!

'''Chris:''' Well, we s- we're always able to settle things. Even und- even our minor disagreements. Look the way we still love each other. Mmm. ''[Pieces of paper "kiss"]'' Okay, see you later. ''[Female legs leave]''

'''Chris:''' Alright children, y'all s- y'all be careful out here. I'm gonna keep the door op- I'm gonna keep the door open, you just uh, give me a shout if you uh, need anything. ''[Hastily grabs bunch of children in view]'' ''Okay Papa C!''

''[Bubbles and Wild, Rosey accidentally sneaks into frame]''

'''Bubbles:''' What's the matter, Wild?

'''Wild:''' Iunno. Suddenly I just don't feel well.

'''Bubbles:''' Well, and why is that?

'''Wild:''' I- I was watchin' my- I was watchin' Blues Clues the other day, and, I missed a clue!

'''Bubbles:''' You missed a clue? How'd you do that? You're- that guy was supposed to be able to detect da clues before that guy in the green shirt does!

'''Wild:''' Yeah, what was that guy's name? Uhh... heck if I know! Mm. Well, anyway... I feel, a bit, I feel bad because I missed a clue!

'''Bubbles:''' Dun worry about it, we all make mistakes.

'''Wild:''' Yeah, you're right. We all do make mistakes. I guess I'll get over this someho- s-sometime.

'''Bubbles:''' Yeah, you will. Hey, let's go play in the t- let's go play on the merry-go-round.

'''Wild:''' Okay! ''[Both move out of frame]'' Whee whee whee whee whee we'll go play onna merry-go round!

''[Pause, fumbling noises offscreen. Punchy enters.]''

'''Punchy:''' [[wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]! Miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow! Samurai Pizza Cats! Miaowmiaowmiow miaow miaow! Samurai armor! Oh! A [[CWCville|communist]], huh? You freakin' no good-- [interrupted by off-screen female voice] Would anyone happen to have a nail file on them? ...C'mon sweetie, we're all doin' a TV show! Hey wait a sec I thought [unintelligible] in real time because I watchin' live television!

''[Replaced by Blake]''

'''Blake:''' Yeah. Mm. I really like Bubbles. She's so pretty. She's so bubbly, she's so fun! ...I'm just-b-I'm just the weirdo here. I'm the one that gets left out. And it's not because um- and it's not because o' my color! It's just because I have my own opinions aside from theirs. I do things for myself. ...Sometimes I like to re- sometimes I like to read even though I don't know how to read yet! ...I'm different. I think for myself and things. I play too sometimes. But I'm s- but it brings danger along som- uh, it brings danger with me sometimes, n'...that makes me sad. Y'know, they can't apprecia-me, appreciate me even though I'm never danger...

''[Sonee and Rosey enter, Punchy sneaks into frame]''

'''Rosey:''' Listen-listen to-m-listen to Blake over there. He's all goin' on an' on with his own self, impulses again.

'''Sonee:''' Yeah, always talkin' to himself, eh? I don't know, think he's gone weird-

'''Blake:''' Aw, will ya shut up? We all talk to ourselves at one time or another.

'''Rosey:''' Sorry, Blake!

'''Sonee:''' Yeah, sorry dude.

'''Blake:''' Aah, whatever. ''[Blake saunters off]'' Hmm.

''[Angelica enters]''

'''Angelica:''' All the lovely things we r- I read in the Bible. Lalalalalalalaa. Lovely things, inna Bible. Good story.

''[Magi-chan appears]''

'''Magi-chan:''' Mmm, what stories are you reading about there, Angelica?

'''Angelica:''' Oh, this one, I'm reading about [[Sega|Genesis]]. The story of Adam and Eve!

'''Magi-chan:''' Ah yes. And then the apple gets bitten.

'''Angelica:''' YOU SPOILED IT FOR ME!! [Pause] I suppose next you're gonna tell me who gets thrown out first.

'''Magi-chan:''' I won't, I'll just uh, give you respect, there.

'''Angelica:''' Thank you. [''Pause''] Oh no, Eve gets kicked out first? [''Whine''] Well, at least [[Women's Rights|we women grew to power]] eventually.

'''Magi-chan:''' Yeah.

''[Awkward pause]''

'''Angelica:''' Praaaise Jesus in all his lov- in all his... forgiveness for us, he died for our sins and everything.

'''Magi-chan:''' Yes, we are Christians. We go to church every Sunday.

'''Angelica:''' An' Nanny takes us!

'''Magi-chan:''' Yeah. And Chris comes with us too! [[Chris and religion|He's a good Christian, yes he is.]]

'''Angelica:''' So what you wanna do now?

'''Magi-chan:''' Let's go play with [[Lego]]s!

'''Angelica:''' Okay! Wheeee! We're off to play with Legos!

''[Long pause. Punchy and Bubbles come into view, before being hastily retracted. Chris mumbles to himself before replacing Bubbles with Wild Sonichu]''

'''Punchy:''' Hey Wild, you wanna spar a li'l?

'''Wild:''' Okay Punchy!

''[Punchy launches himself at Wild, falls over]''

'''Punchy:''' Huh. Got me there.

''[Wild "hits" Punchy]''

'''Punchy:''' Got me again. Well, I'm gonna get you now. PEWWWW!

''[Punchy flies into Wild, both go offscreen. Punchy returns alone]''

'''Punchy:''' Oh, shoot. I [[Mypoe|knocked him out da window!]] Yo c'mon[?], come in back in da window!

'''Wild:''' I'm really hurt! You had me lyin' in a bush!

'''Punchy:''' I'm sorry.

''[Awkward silence]''

'''Punchy:''' Aah, it's okay. Just be careful to watch yer punches. Cuz I gotta pull my punches if I wanna work[?] inside the nursery.

'''Wild:''' Yeah.

'''Punchy:''' So, I'll do that.

''[Punchy comes forward]''

'''Punchy:''' Because, [[Death threats|violence is not always the answer]] to e- is not always the answer. So- ye- uh, self defense, it ''can'' be... the answer.

''[Wild moves in front of Punchy]''

'''Wild:''' I agree. I don't like being bullied. Me, I was- b- m- I was out there riding my... bicycle the other day, an' [[Clyde Cash|bully]] comes up to me, and he, he g-steals the bicycle and he [[Kick the Autistic|beats me up]]! What's wrong with that dude?

'''Punchy:''' D'ya want me to go beat him up

'''Wild:''' Nah, I just need to learn self defense.

'''Punchy:''' I'm gonna go find and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|beat him up]]. Hiyaaa!

''[Both launch out of frame, but Wild returns]''

'''Wild:''' Ya don't even know what he looks like, where ya goin' Punchy? ...Anyway. ''[Turns around once, leaves]''

''[Punchy re-enters]''

'''Punchy:''' Th-you can't beat me Punchy[?], I'm [[Random-access humor|comical]], knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who, orange you glad I didn't say banana? ''[Pause]'' What? ''[Pause]'' Oh well. Knock knock. Who's there. Uhh, hello? What d'you mean, "hello". Well you said "who's there". Dyeah knock knock joke? I say "knock knock", you say "who's there". What? I stayed up watching [[Officer Keino|Home Movies]] one night. Place- It's a funny cartoon show with Brendon Small[?]. [[Sonichu 8|Not recommended for children]], though. It- still maybe teenagers. Or youth- or you- think it's a PG rating. TV-PG. ''[Jiggles around]'' I don't care I watched it by myself! I was up, I was wirey! I couldn't go to sleep! ''[Is still for a second, before leaving somewhat abruptly.]''

''[Sonee and Rosey return]''

'''Rosey:''' Okay so... What should we do now?

'''Sonee:''' I think let's go [[PlayingHouse|play House]]!

'''Rosey:''' Yeah let's go play House again!

'''Sonee:''' Yay! Doodoodoodooboodoodoo, hi honey I'm home.

'''Rosey:''' Oh, where've you been? Mmm, I mean, how was your day sweetheart?

'''Sonee:''' It's been good, y'know, I've just been, uh, doing business and everything. M-keepin' everything- keepin' the city safe with my swift speed and lightning attacks!

'''Rosey:''' Very good. I've been minding the children. Although when I went out, I wa- I was intercepted by one of the villains! But I- gre- myself at self defence, [[The Incredible Lioness|I struck them right back!]] And I stood my ground.

''[Pause]''

'''Sonee:''' That's very good. How're the children.

'''Rosey:''' I think I just told you that. ''[She didn't.]''

'''Sonee:''' Oh yes you did! The children are good! Hey- okay- so- that was good, let's do role reversal.

'''Rosey:''' Okay!

''[Switch places]''

'''Rosey:''' Hi honey, I'm home!

'''Sonee:''' Oh hi honey, how was w- how was- how was your work at [[Jackie|journalism]]?

'''Rosey:''' Oh, very good, I wrote- guh story here, and there. [Pause] The bank was robbed.

'''Sonee:''' There was a v- there was a bank robbery?

'''Rosey:''' Yeah, didn't you hear that? There was a horse and mane!

'''Sonee:''' Horse and mane?

'''Rosey:''' [[Random Access Humor|Sure, the horse was on the main!]]''

''[Pause]''

'''Rosey:''' What? Iunno. Go figure. Comedy. Anyway, [unintelligible], and I made, bulublugh, and I made, promotion!

'''Sonee:''' Very good. The children have been doi- have been doin' good today. I mean theyuh, the [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-]] I mean uh, the younger one [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pooped all over the place]]. Ugh, that was a whole bunch to clean up. And, uh... and the older one missed the toilet! I didn't know what to do with that, 'cept to clean it up, and tell her that it was wrong to do it in that direction, not to [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|aim it this way]], that. So I've been cleanin' and cookin' and keeping house all day long.

'''Rosey:''' And I've been out journalism all day.

'''Sonee:''' Yeah.

''[Pause]''

'''Sonee:''' Anyway uh, today was grocery shopping day so I went out for groceries. S- an' children ha- and children... went with me. I took them along with me. And, they were okay in the car for a little while but then there was a scr- then on the way home there was a screaming. Yeah, the younger one was tired. Just waawaawaawaawaa. Waaa. ''[Pause]'' So the older one kept- kept the, uh- kept the younger one quiet, you know. At least she knew better. So, she calmed him down.

'''Rosey:''' That's good.

'''Sonee:''' I had to change a few [[Butt garments|diapers]] to- I had to change a whole number of diapers for that little one. What a mess. But I'm willing to go through with it, because I am the father! The house husband.

'''Rosey:''' And I'm the one that goes out, make the money.

'''Sonee:''' Okay. So. Wanna end the show.

'''Rosey:''' Why not?

'''Sonee:''' The puppet show. Alright. Yeah.

'''Narrator:''' Sonichu babies! Yaaay! Dudududududuh!

''[Feet come back into view]''

Dududududududuh! Duh duh!

'''Nanny:''' Thank you very much, goodnight!

'''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Night of the Living Sonees
| video = {{#ev:youtube|zq0jnGS2ang}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = [[user:xanabit|Xanabit]]
| subject =
| type = }}
==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]
*[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Workout]]|nextlink=[[PlayingHouse]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25]]

SonichuBabies

2011-08-26T18:56:52Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

[[File:SB.PNG]]

'''SonichuBabies''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In it, Chris rips off the [[1980s]] cartoon ''[[Wikipedia:Jim Henson's Muppet Babies|Jim Henson's Muppet Babies]]'' by recasting the [[Chaotic Combo]] as [[Sonee and Rosey|babies]]. Much like [[Things Chris has ripped off|everything else he steals]], Chris's version of the series lacks any of the charm and wit the original cartoon had, transforming it into "Chaotic Combo as babies, doing stuff babies aren't ''supposed'' to be doing!"

Chris shows us his lack of understanding about what constitutes proper childcare by leaving them unattended. The children [[Chris and sex|kiss]], watch TV shows meant for older audiences, ostracize [[Blake]], and [[CWC Fighter|fight]].

This marked the first time Chris has actually done ''anything'' with his beloved ''Sonichu'' characters since the [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas Special]] back in [[February 2010]].
[[File:11cfxgi.jpg.png|thumb|What the sonichu babies could have looked like [[Chris and art|if Chris could draw]]]]

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = SonichuBabies
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q2PE_bTOKKc}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Not visible
| previous = [[A Workout]]
| next = [[PlayingHouse]]
}}

{{quote|We're having fun today in [[Chris's room|da room]], aren't we!}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Wittle Cute Sonees Page 1 by johaely.jpg|thumb|Sonichu babies!]]

''[Displays four crude drawings of members of the [[Chaotic Combo]] as babies, stuck to the end of what appear to be pens or straws, singing]'' Dooweeoooh, [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] babies, we make our dreams come truueee...

''[Wild Sonichu and Blake in shot]'' Sonichu babies, we'll do the same for youuu...

''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Sonichu (character)|Sonee]] and [[Rosechu|Rosey]] in shot]'' When your world was kinda weird and you wished that you weren't theeere...

'''Rosey:''' Just close your eyes and make-believe, and you can be anywhere!

''[Drawing of a pair of human legs in shot]''

'''Nanny:''' Is everything alright in here?

'''Babies:''' Yes Nanny!

''[Displays all drawings, dropping some]'' Sonichu Sonichu Sonichu Sonichu babies! Yaaay! Okay, let's beginning da show!

''[Sonee and Rosey appear]''

'''Sonee:''' We're having fun today in d-in d-in da ''room'', aren't we! Y-Aren't we Rosey!

'''Rosey:''' Hehedat's right Sonee, we're having fun in here! Dat's [[Wild]], [[Bubbles]] ''[Blake appears instead of Bubbles]'', [[Punchy]] ''[Angelica appears instead of Punchy]'', [[Magi-chan]], [[Angelica]], even [[Blake]]! ''[Shows other drawings]''

'''Blake:''' Hello. What? I'm [[Christian Weston Chandler|the weird one]]. Compare me to Gonzo. I have [[niggos|black]] hair though.

''[Fumbles with sticks for a few seconds, removes all but Sonee and Rosey]''

'''Both:''' Anyway, come with us, we'regoingtohavefun, whee!

''[Moves the two around without rhyme or reason]''

'''Both:''' Whee, oh we're having fun, wheeeewheeee! Mm.

'''Sonee:''' Ey Ro- ey Rosey we're jus' a... d-d-fun. What'd you wanna do now?

'''Rosey:''' I wanna do that thing like we saw on da [[TV]] show.

'''Sonee:''' That what ya wanna do?

'''Rosey:''' Yeaah! Alright!

''[Makes the baby siblings "kiss"]''

'''Both:''' Mmmmmmm! Mmmmm!

''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and writing|Exposition!Magi-chan]] moves into shot]''

'''Magi-chan:''' What? Ever since they watched- they seen that kissing scene, on that episode of... [[wikipedia:The Young and the Restless|The Young and the Restless]]... they been makin' out, all the time! They lot-ov-enjoying it. Lil' Sonee has been noted saying, "she tastes like applesauce"!

''[Disembodied legs return]''

'''Nanny:''' Hey kids, I got' go out now. And mukku-my husband's comin' with me.

''[Comic Chris's trademark sneakers join]''

'''Chris:''' That's right. We're going out to go- we're going out shopping. We're gonna bring back some delicious groceries, and we'll be back in a lil' while. ''[Pause]'' Wait a minute. Who's gonna mind the babies?

'''Nanny:''' Oh yeah you're right. You stay home.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah you're right, [[Monthly tugboat I'll stay home]], you go out to get the groceries.

'''Nanny:''' Look how we settled that!

'''Chris:''' Well, we s- we're always able to settle things. Even und- even our minor disagreements. Look the way we still love each other. Mmm. ''[Pieces of paper "kiss"]'' Okay, see you later. ''[Female legs leave]''

'''Chris:''' Alright children, y'all s- y'all be careful out here. I'm gonna keep the door op- I'm gonna keep the door open, you just uh, give me a shout if you uh, need anything. ''[Hastily grabs bunch of children in view]'' ''Okay Papa C!''

''[Bubbles and Wild, Rosey accidentally sneaks into frame]''

'''Bubbles:''' What's the matter, Wild?

'''Wild:''' Iunno. Suddenly I just don't feel well.

'''Bubbles:''' Well, and why is that?

'''Wild:''' I- I was watchin' my- I was watchin' Blues Clues the other day, and, I missed a clue!

'''Bubbles:''' You missed a clue? How'd you do that? You're- that guy was supposed to be able to detect da clues before that guy in the green shirt does!

'''Wild:''' Yeah, what was that guy's name? Uhh... heck if I know! Mm. Well, anyway... I feel, a bit, I feel bad because I missed a clue!

'''Bubbles:''' Dun worry about it, we all make mistakes.

'''Wild:''' Yeah, you're right. We all do make mistakes. I guess I'll get over this someho- s-sometime.

'''Bubbles:''' Yeah, you will. Hey, let's go play in the t- let's go play on the merry-go-round.

'''Wild:''' Okay! ''[Both move out of frame]'' Whee whee whee whee whee we'll go play onna merry-go round!

''[Pause, fumbling noises offscreen. Punchy enters.]''

'''Punchy:''' [[wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]! Miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow! Samurai Pizza Cats! Miaowmiaowmiow miaow miaow! Samurai armor! Oh! A [[CWCville|communist]], huh? You freakin' no good-- [interrupted by off-screen female voice] Would anyone happen to have a nail file on them? ...C'mon sweetie, we're all doin' a TV show! Hey wait a sec I thought [unintelligible] in real time because I watchin' live television!

''[Replaced by Blake]''

'''Blake:''' Yeah. Mm. I really like Bubbles. She's so pretty. She's so bubbly, she's so fun! ...I'm just-b-I'm just the weirdo here. I'm the one that gets left out. And it's not because um- and it's not because o' my color! It's just because I have my own opinions aside from theirs. I do things for myself. ...Sometimes I like to re- sometimes I like to read even though I don't know how to read yet! ...I'm different. I think for myself and things. I play too sometimes. But I'm s- but it brings danger along som- uh, it brings danger with me sometimes, n'...that makes me sad. Y'know, they can't apprecia-me, appreciate me even though I'm never danger...

''[Sonee and Rosey enter, Punchy sneaks into frame]''

'''Rosey:''' Listen-listen to-m-listen to Blake over there. He's all goin' on an' on with his own self, impulses again.

'''Sonee:''' Yeah, always talkin' to himself, eh? I don't know, think he's gone weird-

'''Blake:''' Aw, will ya shut up? We all talk to ourselves at one time or another.

'''Rosey:''' Sorry, Blake!

'''Sonee:''' Yeah, sorry dude.

'''Blake:''' Aah, whatever. ''[Blake saunters off]'' Hmm.

''[Angelica enters]''

'''Angelica:''' All the lovely things we r- I read in the Bible. Lalalalalalalaa. Lovely things, inna Bible. Good story.

''[Magi-chan appears]''

'''Magi-chan:''' Mmm, what stories are you reading about there, Angelica?

'''Angelica:''' Oh, this one, I'm reading about [[Sega|Genesis]]. The story of Adam and Eve!

'''Magi-chan:''' Ah yes. And then the apple gets bitten.

'''Angelica:''' YOU SPOILED IT FOR ME!! [Pause] I suppose next you're gonna tell me who gets thrown out first.

'''Magi-chan:''' I won't, I'll just uh, give you respect, there.

'''Angelica:''' Thank you. [''Pause''] Oh no, Eve gets kicked out first? [''Whine''] Well, at least [[Women's Rights|we women grew to power]] eventually.

'''Magi-chan:''' Yeah.

''[Awkward pause]''

'''Angelica:''' Praaaise Jesus in all his lov- in all his... forgiveness for us, he died for our sins and everything.

'''Magi-chan:''' Yes, we are Christians. We go to church every Sunday.

'''Angelica:''' An' Nanny takes us!

'''Magi-chan:''' Yeah. And Chris comes with us too! [[Chris and religion|He's a good Christian, yes he is.]]

'''Angelica:''' So what you wanna do now?

'''Magi-chan:''' Let's go play with [[Lego]]s!

'''Angelica:''' Okay! Wheeee! We're off to play with Legos!

''[Long pause. Punchy and Bubbles come into view, before being hastily retracted. Chris mumbles to himself before replacing Bubbles with Wild Sonichu]''

'''Punchy:''' Hey Wild, you wanna spar a li'l?

'''Wild:''' Okay Punchy!

''[Punchy launches himself at Wild, falls over]''

'''Punchy:''' Huh. Got me there.

''[Wild "hits" Punchy]''

'''Punchy:''' Got me again. Well, I'm gonna get you now. PEWWWW!

''[Punchy flies into Wild, both go offscreen. Punchy returns alone]''

'''Punchy:''' Oh, shoot. I [[Mypoe|knocked him out da window!]] Yo c'mon[?], come in back in da window!

'''Wild:''' I'm really hurt! You had me lyin' in a bush!

'''Punchy:''' I'm sorry.

''[Awkward silence]''

'''Punchy:''' Aah, it's okay. Just be careful to watch yer punches. Cuz I gotta pull my punches if I wanna work[?] inside the nursery.

'''Wild:''' Yeah.

'''Punchy:''' So, I'll do that.

''[Punchy comes forward]''

'''Punchy:''' Because, [[Death threats|violence is not always the answer]] to e- is not always the answer. So- ye- uh, self defense, it ''can'' be... the answer.

''[Wild moves in front of Punchy]''

'''Wild:''' I agree. I don't like being bullied. Me, I was- b- m- I was out there riding my... bicycle the other day, an' [[Clyde Cash|bully]] comes up to me, and he, he g-steals the bicycle and he [[Kick the Autistic|beats me up]]! What's wrong with that dude?

'''Punchy:''' D'ya want me to go beat him up

'''Wild:''' Nah, I just need to learn self defense.

'''Punchy:''' I'm gonna go find and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|beat him up]]. Hiyaaa!

''[Both launch out of frame, but Wild returns]''

'''Wild:''' Ya don't even know what he looks like, where ya goin' Punchy? ...Anyway. ''[Turns around once, leaves]''

''[Punchy re-enters]''

'''Punchy:''' Th-you can't beat me Punchy[?], I'm [[Random-access humor|comical]], knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who, orange you glad I didn't say banana? ''[Pause]'' What? ''[Pause]'' Oh well. Knock knock. Who's there. Uhh, hello? What d'you mean, "hello". Well you said "who's there". Dyeah knock knock joke? I say "knock knock", you say "who's there". What? I stayed up watching [[Officer Keino|Home Movies]] one night. Place- It's a funny cartoon show with Brendon Small[?]. [[Sonichu 8|Not recommended for children]], though. It- still maybe teenagers. Or youth- or you- think it's a PG rating. TV-PG. ''[Jiggles around]'' I don't care I watched it by myself! I was up, I was wirey! I couldn't go to sleep! ''[Is still for a second, before leaving somewhat abruptly.]''

''[Sonee and Rosey return]''

'''Rosey:''' Okay so... What should we do now?

'''Sonee:''' I think let's go [[PlayingHouse|play House]]!

'''Rosey:''' Yeah let's go play House again!

'''Sonee:''' Yay! Doodoodoodooboodoodoo, hi honey I'm home.

'''Rosey:''' Oh, where've you been? Mmm, I mean, how was your day sweetheart?

'''Sonee:''' It's been good, y'know, I've just been, uh, doing business and everything. M-keepin' everything- keepin' the city safe with my swift speed and lightning attacks!

'''Rosey:''' Very good. I've been minding the children. Although when I went out, I wa- I was intercepted by one of the villains! But I- gre- myself at self defence, [[The Incredible Lioness|I struck them right back!]] And I stood my ground.

''[Pause]''

'''Sonee:''' That's very good. How're the children.

'''Rosey:''' I think I just told you that. ''[She didn't.]''

'''Sonee:''' Oh yes you did! The children are good! Hey- okay- so- that was good, let's do role reversal.

'''Rosey:''' Okay!

''[Switch places]''

'''Rosey:''' Hi honey, I'm home!

'''Sonee:''' Oh hi honey, how was w- how was- how was your work at [[Jackie|journalism]]?

'''Rosey:''' Oh, very good, I wrote- guh story here, and there. [Pause] The bank was robbed.

'''Sonee:''' There was a v- there was a bank robbery?

'''Rosey:''' Yeah, didn't you hear that? There was a horse and mane!

'''Sonee:''' Horse and mane?

'''Rosey:''' [[Random Access Humor|Sure, the horse was on the main!]]''

''[Pause]''

'''Rosey:''' What? Iunno. Go figure. Comedy. Anyway, [unintelligible], and I made, bulublugh, and I made, promotion!

'''Sonee:''' Very good. The children have been doi- have been doin' good today. I mean theyuh, the [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-]] I mean uh, the younger one [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pooped all over the place]]. Ugh, that was a whole bunch to clean up. And, uh... and the older one missed the toilet! I didn't know what to do with that, 'cept to clean it up, and tell her that it was wrong to do it in that direction, not to [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|aim it this way]], that. So I've been cleanin' and cookin' and keeping house all day long.

'''Rosey:''' And I've been out journalism all day.

'''Sonee:''' Yeah.

''[Pause]''

'''Sonee:''' Anyway uh, today was grocery shopping day so I went out for groceries. S- an' children ha- and children... went with me. I took them along with me. And, they were okay in the car for a little while but then there was a scr- then on the way home there was a screaming. Yeah, the younger one was tired. Just waawaawaawaawaa. Waaa. ''[Pause]'' So the older one kept- kept the, uh- kept the younger one quiet, you know. At least she knew better. So, she calmed him down.

'''Rosey:''' That's good.

'''Sonee:''' I had to change a few [[Butt garments|diapers]] to- I had to change a whole number of diapers for that little one. What a mess. But I'm willing to go through with it, because I am the father! The house husband.

'''Rosey:''' And I'm the one that goes out, make the money.

'''Sonee:''' Okay. So. Wanna end the show.

'''Rosey:''' Why not?

'''Sonee:''' The puppet show. Alright. Yeah.

'''Narrator:''' Sonichu babies! Yaaay! Dudududududuh!

''[Feet come back into view]''

Dududududududuh! Duh duh!

'''Nanny:''' Thank you very much, goodnight!

'''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Night of the Living Sonees
| video = {{#ev:youtube|zq0jnGS2ang}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = [[user:xanabit|Xanabit]]
| subject =
| type = }}
==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]
*[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Workout]]|nextlink=[[PlayingHouse]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-10T22:46:28Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - [[Chris and the Law|Law]]===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the conclusion of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, calling out Alec Benson Leary, Chris admits that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the latest video in reaction to Don's apology, he seems to have stopped caring, and again expects the money.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-10T22:46:03Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - [[Chris and the Law|Law]]===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the conclusion of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next ideo, calling out Alec Benson Leary, Chris admits that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the latest video in reaction to Don's apology, he seems to have stopped caring, and again expects the money.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Calling Out

2011-08-10T22:42:49Z

Corvax: /* Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy */

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of five [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded between 6-10 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|8 month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

These videos showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, [[Barbara|Cloverfield]]-like viewing experience.

== Calling Out "Tito" - Don ==
This video, also known as '''101 2461''' , Chris announces his return to the [[Internet]]. He claims to have information as to the true identity of various trolls, including [[Surfshack Tito]] (aka Don). After briefly showing viewers a fragment of the real Tito, Chris lists his demands to prevent the release of the full photo and, presumably, other revealing documents.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Tito" - Don
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gDuIfwZbN3c}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[100 2357.MOV]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Easily trolled by annnyooooneee.jpg|thumb|right|"... They could be easily trolled back by aaanyone." Intimidated?]]
[''Looks at camera with an emotionless face, and then jerks the camera to his right'']

Attention, citizens of the internet. I am making a return. [[Chris and Ego|Y'all should know me by now]], if in case if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of [[Sonichu|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] and the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|electric hedgehog Pokemon]]. Firstly, upon that note, I would like to inform everyone that it was originally meant to be a TV-Y7 rated... [[Chris and English|friendship socializing, promoting type of series]]... it is not meant to be taken otherwise in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|any adulterous forms]].

[''Jerks camera around more'']

And with that, I will now continue with why I am making my return. I am ready to initiate [[Chris and negotiation|negotiations]] and paybacksss with the trolls, some cyberbullies that have been defiling me within the past five years... in the past four years. Firstly, I would like to make it well known that I have ''information'' of such trolls and cyberbullies if at that point if I release them, they could be easily trolled back by aaanyone. And, the first [[Chris and English|among chopping block]] I would like to ensue, [[Surfshack Tito|'''Surfshack Tito''']]... or should I day, Don in Michigan! And I'm not saying that he's a total [[Obesity|fat person]], but [[Random Access Humor|he would make the really big Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison]]. In fact, with his looks, he could be a [[Inos|Rasta]] Buddha! And I show you only a fragment of the [[speech impediment|pho-to-graph]]. [''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.'']

Now, DON. Let's talk business. If you do not want me to review- reveal the entire pho-to-graph, or any of the remainder of your information of which I have upon my possession, [[Chris and negotiation|YOU WILL FOLLOW MY DEMANDS]]! And they are listed as such....

I want you to come forward with- come forward with your participation in, uh, [[PlayStation Network]] hackings... directly to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment America and Sony Computer Entertainment Japan with a ''live video'', unaltered, ay, uh--slightly altered, you MAY blur your face. That is the only option that you get: Blurring your face. You will apologize to... Sony and [[Chris and english|mess up]] for hacking into the PlayStation Network at all, [[Chris and Reality|'cause I know you are responsible for that]].

And also, I would you to, in that- within that same video, or in a separate video, apologize directly to my [[Gal-Pals|ex-girlfriend]] Heather and her family. You may even call them up on the telephone that you are the one among which responsibole for pretending to be me... and stopping that relationship between us, 'cause I would like to have peace between my... past friends, because I don't like there to be bad things or [[Megan|ill tidings]] between people. ''(Pauses)'' And I know it was partially my fault, too, on that, by the way, within that relationship breakup.

But anyway, moving on with my demands, I would like- also like you to set to-send me via U.S. Mail, ''ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH''. American. Unmarked billssss, snail-mailed to my home address, in a long, small white... envelope, with YOUR home address clearly, legibly, hand writ-ten on the envelope in the return area. Next, I want you to remove ''ALL'' of the -cre-''ALL'' of the pages on the website known as the [[CWCki]] that have originally came from you that you have started. Also, as well as all contributions you have to any other pages as well. And lastly, from this point, after you have done these things, I would like you, ''Don'' of ''Michigan'', to leave me, my [[Lie|life]], my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my [[SonichuBabies|friends]] ''alone''. To be, for the rest of our lives, in peace.

I leave that up to you [[Speech Impediment|Surussshack Tito]]. Expect another video in the near fu- in the near future of another troll that I am well aware of. Thank you.

== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, Chris calls out "Thorg, aka Jeremy, ([[CWCki]] user [[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]]) and again, sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents. Despite his interest in [[Tomgirl|appearing and acting like a woman]], Chris demands that Thorg let the people of New York City know that he likes [[China|China]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[#Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"|Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbull-y, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And, here is a sample of ''his'' [[Speech Impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[:File:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- have it- you had it uploaded upon the [[20_December_2009#One_of_these_things_is_not_like_the_others|billboards]] in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Chris and anger|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

[[Fail|I win]].

== Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg" ==
In this short video, Chris sets a deadline for Don and Jeremy to meet his demands - 31 August, 2011, or else [[jerkops|the authorities]] will intervene.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mP4wwvCSS7U}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Jerks around the camera and makes a wide-eyed, blank face'']

I almost forgot. Between Don and Jeremy, also known as Suresack- [[Surfshack Tito|Surfshack Tito]] and Thorg, my demands, I would like them met before August 31st, 2011, the end of this month. And if my demands are not met before then, I'm gonna reveal your respective real life photographs as well as the rest of the personal information of you two in the- respectively, that I have within my possession. And then you two will b- each be trolled by your own trolls, and the [[Jerkops|police]] will catch up with you.

So, each of you. Meet my demands. Before August 31st... 2011.

[''Fumbles with the camera again, [[Chris and cinematography|almost dropping it]]'']

== Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher ==
Three days later, Chris posted a fourth video, calling out [[Alec Benson Leary]]. He's dropped the request for money and billboards, but now demands Alec, Tito and Thorg to [[Chris and hypocrisy|leave the Internet]]. He later goes into a tirade over the [[GAMe PLACe]] and its owner, which culminates in accusing [[Michael Snyder]] of being a child molester. Chris's [[speech impediment|poor speaking skills]] are quite prevalent in this video, repeating the words "essentially" and "associated" numerous times ad nausuem. He also manages to repeat the ever-classic "My mommy- my family" line from the [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WN72luEx708}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Asperchu|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Unknown
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[It's not that cold]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Hello, again, once again. I am here to make another [[trolls|troll]] [[speech impediment|esspos]]e as I have found anudder one amongst the bunch... the bunches! The one called [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Learec- Leary]] is not who he appears to be, and certainly is NOT an original creator of [[Asperchu|Asperchu]]. In fact, he is not even [[Aspergers|AsPERGIAN]]! He does not have Aspergers, and he’s another [[Chris|fatty]] [[Barbara|fat]] [[Robert Chandler|fat]] [[Sammy|fat]] [[Hambeast|fat]]... [[Desi|fat]]. Aaand just le—and I do NOT have a script. I have notes.

[''Holds up a piece of lined paper and a piece of red construction paper'']

I have notes and I form my own script. Anyway, he also has ties with the, uh, [[The GAMe PLACe|Game and Hobby]] place of which he makes donaations, of wid- which I have another esspose about the Game Place. First, here is his closeup.

[''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.'']

Now let’s talk... oh yeah, his real name is Christopher. So, [[Homos|Cha-ris]], let’s talk business now. What I would like from you… is essentially a live video apology for all the wrongs you have done to me over the [[Internet|innernet]] including the [[Chris and Copyright|copyright infringement on my Sonichu]] with your CHEAP, poor excuse for a 9-year-old... Asperchu, you immature [[JERKS|jerk]]! And then, I want you to leave the internet for good, and leave me and [[For My Sweetest Ivy|my mom—and my family]]... and friends at peace.

Also, on that note, I wish to make a correction to my demands with [[Surfshack Tito|Don]] and Jeremy. Essentially I have lear- Essentially I have learned from my esteemed colleague associates that [[Chris and the Law|apparently it is extortion]] to request [[Spanish|mucho dinero]], plus the billboard is no longer in effect. So therefore, I essentially still want Don to come forward with his video to Sony and to me publicly apologizing and everything, and the same goes to Jeremy. Public video apology, and both of y’all have to leave the internet for good, and leave me and my family and friends at peace.

Anyway, going back to, uh, Christopher… by the way, I know you’re in Texas. You’re in Texas, you [[Obesity|fatty fat fat]]! He has been donating to the troll cause and such over at The PLACE! The [[The GAMe PLACe|game and hobby place]] of which we are fully aware of and have grown to love and such, but there is more to THE PLACE, and its three associated stores located only within [[Virginia|Virginia]], and I know from cold hard facts... including facts from a Hook article back in August of [[2002|2002]], that... the four stores, their owner, a one Mr. Robert Lightburn... is... a [[Pedofork|child molester]], and convicted sex offender in Illinois.

And think about this! The place in [[Charlottesville|Charlottesville]] is located right across from a school, and it is owned by a child molestor! Parents! Children! Associated families! I don’t think you would want anyone who is a minor, or [[Chris and Reality|even under the age of ten]] to go into such a place that is owned by a child molester, and I am sure that in association, even though he is married, [[Michael Snyder]] has his own child molestation skeleton [[Homos|in his closet]]! He probably even molested his own daughter for all I know! I do not have concrete facts, so therefore that is just theory until I am corrected. But the point is the place is owned by a child molester, and nobody should ever, ever go into that place again… and it should be closed down for good! And that’s all I have for this video right now. Stay tuned for another [[slow-in-the-minds|Trroll ess-especial twirl esspose]].

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, also known as '''101 2466''', Chris accepts [[Surfshack_Tito_(troll)#Tito.27s_official_response_to_Chris|Tito's attempt to meet his demands]], while Thorg appears to have made no such efforts yet. Chris is still awaiting the money he demanded (apparently forgetting that in the last video he admitted that blackmail was a felony), and another part of Jeremy's face and part of another photo Chris has obtained of him are shown to viewers.

This video also shows us that Chris now has two piercings on each ear, when it was previously believed he had two on his right ear and only one on his left.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9Nn4u9b_hJk}}
| stardate = 10 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Redbra|text}}, Unknown
| previous = [[It's not that cold]]
| next = [[Correction of EX relationship status]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Well, it seems I have gotten a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZhlo94cMNk well-wise response] to my recent videos...from [[Surfshack Tito|master Don]], of which I will now respond to as [[speech impediment|sutss]]. You d-you made a wise descision, Don. I am-as long as I get the money before the end of the month, I will withhold the photographs and the other information. I can promise you that, but miss the deadline... ''[widens his eyes and stares into the camera]'' and you certainly don't have to be my slave for a week. I mean, aside from the [[Niggos|slave laws]] and everything. ''[shakes head and sighs]''

Anyway, apparently I have learned from my esteemed colleague that Thorg, master Jeremy, is still not convinced I mean businesss. Well, just to show you, Jeremy, that I mean businesss, I'm going to reveal a little bit more about you.

Here is a closeup--another closeup of that pho-to-graph zoomed in on your pizza face! ''[looks off-camera at the picture and zooms in on a different part]'' Excuse me a moment. ''[whispers]'' alright, ''[mumbles, as air conditioner gets louder]'' as well as a zoom-in on a possibly more current, or possibly previous pho-to-graph of yourself. Aaand, I'm gonna reveal a couple of random tidbits about you from my notes!

Once again, Jeremy lives in Can-a-da...and he likes the typical geeky things, without being stereotypical, of course, and not offending anyone of the sort, because I am considerably one myself, because I like [[Pokemon|Pokemon]], [[Yu-Gi-Oh|Yu-Gi-Oh!]], and all- and [[My Little Pony|that sort]]. Apparently, uh, he is a LARPer. Live action role playing! As it was portrayed in that episode of [http://www.thetester.com/ The Tester]!

''[begins to speak in a high-pitched, singsongy voice]''

"Oh, look at me, I'm [[Chris and English|trollicking]] about! We are going to be warriors and whatnot! Yay, we won the things! [[Chris and Reality|And then we're future cops, sent being- mall-for future mall cops]]! Mall cops of the future! La, la la, la la, la la! We're LARPing about! LARP LARP LARP LARP! LARP. LAAAARP. LARP! Lorp."

And we know that the atheist does not like [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|having his mind changed]] about [[GodJesus|God]]. I mean, I gotta tell you, man, God is all-powerful. How do you think the [[speech impediment|Earss]] was created aside from the big bang? Who had to put the big bang together? God! And I know from my bible ''[shows bible]'', my hand on it, that between him and [[GodJesus|Jesus]], they're pretty powerful! They're pretty powerful individuals.. and I believe in them. They have- I mean, Jesus has done a lot with his mircales before he had to [[Obesity|weigh]] the cross, which I just [[Chris and his Ego|empathize]] with him on that...

''[closes eyes and inhales through teeth]'' it's like I can feel the thorns that were drug-that were drudge, plowed through his hands and his feet! [[Fail|Thorn of crowns]]. Mm. Empathy is a powerful thing.

But...I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have God or Jesus at my-by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists...are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer...I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!

You have until August 31st to reply and follow my demands of admitting...your wrongdoings, and making the public apologies via [[YouTube|YouTube]] video, as I am a-well aware, as I have made note, but apparently the billboard is no longer an option. Anyway, between the YouTube public apology, and leaving the internet alone, AND leaving me, my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my friends at peace, that is what I demand of you, master Jeremy. ''[air conditioner gets louder]''

Your move. 'Cause if you don't respond by the 31st, ''[snaps fingers and widens his eyes]'' I mean business. Check your privileges!

{{Troll Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2357.MOV]]|nextlink=[[It's not that cold]] / [[Correction of EX relationship status]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-06]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-09]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-10]]

Calling Out

2011-08-10T22:40:48Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of five [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded between 6-10 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|8 month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

These videos showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, [[Barbara|Cloverfield]]-like viewing experience.

== Calling Out "Tito" - Don ==
This video, also known as '''101 2461''' , Chris announces his return to the [[Internet]]. He claims to have information as to the true identity of various trolls, including [[Surfshack Tito]] (aka Don). After briefly showing viewers a fragment of the real Tito, Chris lists his demands to prevent the release of the full photo and, presumably, other revealing documents.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Tito" - Don
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gDuIfwZbN3c}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[100 2357.MOV]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Easily trolled by annnyooooneee.jpg|thumb|right|"... They could be easily trolled back by aaanyone." Intimidated?]]
[''Looks at camera with an emotionless face, and then jerks the camera to his right'']

Attention, citizens of the internet. I am making a return. [[Chris and Ego|Y'all should know me by now]], if in case if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of [[Sonichu|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] and the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|electric hedgehog Pokemon]]. Firstly, upon that note, I would like to inform everyone that it was originally meant to be a TV-Y7 rated... [[Chris and English|friendship socializing, promoting type of series]]... it is not meant to be taken otherwise in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|any adulterous forms]].

[''Jerks camera around more'']

And with that, I will now continue with why I am making my return. I am ready to initiate [[Chris and negotiation|negotiations]] and paybacksss with the trolls, some cyberbullies that have been defiling me within the past five years... in the past four years. Firstly, I would like to make it well known that I have ''information'' of such trolls and cyberbullies if at that point if I release them, they could be easily trolled back by aaanyone. And, the first [[Chris and English|among chopping block]] I would like to ensue, [[Surfshack Tito|'''Surfshack Tito''']]... or should I day, Don in Michigan! And I'm not saying that he's a total [[Obesity|fat person]], but [[Random Access Humor|he would make the really big Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison]]. In fact, with his looks, he could be a [[Inos|Rasta]] Buddha! And I show you only a fragment of the [[speech impediment|pho-to-graph]]. [''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.'']

Now, DON. Let's talk business. If you do not want me to review- reveal the entire pho-to-graph, or any of the remainder of your information of which I have upon my possession, [[Chris and negotiation|YOU WILL FOLLOW MY DEMANDS]]! And they are listed as such....

I want you to come forward with- come forward with your participation in, uh, [[PlayStation Network]] hackings... directly to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment America and Sony Computer Entertainment Japan with a ''live video'', unaltered, ay, uh--slightly altered, you MAY blur your face. That is the only option that you get: Blurring your face. You will apologize to... Sony and [[Chris and english|mess up]] for hacking into the PlayStation Network at all, [[Chris and Reality|'cause I know you are responsible for that]].

And also, I would you to, in that- within that same video, or in a separate video, apologize directly to my [[Gal-Pals|ex-girlfriend]] Heather and her family. You may even call them up on the telephone that you are the one among which responsibole for pretending to be me... and stopping that relationship between us, 'cause I would like to have peace between my... past friends, because I don't like there to be bad things or [[Megan|ill tidings]] between people. ''(Pauses)'' And I know it was partially my fault, too, on that, by the way, within that relationship breakup.

But anyway, moving on with my demands, I would like- also like you to set to-send me via U.S. Mail, ''ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH''. American. Unmarked billssss, snail-mailed to my home address, in a long, small white... envelope, with YOUR home address clearly, legibly, hand writ-ten on the envelope in the return area. Next, I want you to remove ''ALL'' of the -cre-''ALL'' of the pages on the website known as the [[CWCki]] that have originally came from you that you have started. Also, as well as all contributions you have to any other pages as well. And lastly, from this point, after you have done these things, I would like you, ''Don'' of ''Michigan'', to leave me, my [[Lie|life]], my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my [[SonichuBabies|friends]] ''alone''. To be, for the rest of our lives, in peace.

I leave that up to you [[Speech Impediment|Surussshack Tito]]. Expect another video in the near fu- in the near future of another troll that I am well aware of. Thank you.

== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, Chris calls out "Thorg, aka Jeremy, ([[CWCki]] user [[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]]) and again, sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents. Despite his interest in [[Tomgirl|appearing and acting like a woman]], Chris demands that Thorg let the people of New York City know that he likes [[China|China]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[#Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"|Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbull-y, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And, here is a sample of ''his'' [[Speech Impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[:File:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- have it- you had it uploaded upon the [[20_December_2009#One_of_these_things_is_not_like_the_others|billboards]] in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Chris and anger|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

[[Fail|I win]].

== Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg" ==
In this short video, Chris sets a deadline for Don and Jeremy to meet his demands - 31 August, 2011, or else [[jerkops|the authorities]] will intervene.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mP4wwvCSS7U}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Jerks around the camera and makes a wide-eyed, blank face'']

I almost forgot. Between Don and Jeremy, also known as Suresack- [[Surfshack Tito|Surfshack Tito]] and Thorg, my demands, I would like them met before August 31st, 2011, the end of this month. And if my demands are not met before then, I'm gonna reveal your respective real life photographs as well as the rest of the personal information of you two in the- respectively, that I have within my possession. And then you two will b- each be trolled by your own trolls, and the [[Jerkops|police]] will catch up with you.

So, each of you. Meet my demands. Before August 31st... 2011.

[''Fumbles with the camera again, [[Chris and cinematography|almost dropping it]]'']

== Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher ==
Three days later, Chris posted a fourth video, calling out [[Alec Benson Leary]]. He's dropped the request for money and billboards, but now demands Alec, Tito and Thorg to [[Chris and hypocrisy|leave the Internet]]. He later goes into a tirade over the [[GAMe PLACe]] and its owner, which culminates in accusing [[Michael Snyder]] of being a child molester. Chris's [[speech impediment|poor speaking skills]] are quite prevalent in this video, repeating the words "essentially" and "associated" numerous times ad nausuem. He also manages to repeat the ever-classic "My mommy- my family" line from the [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WN72luEx708}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Asperchu|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Unknown
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[It's not that cold]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Hello, again, once again. I am here to make another [[trolls|troll]] [[speech impediment|esspos]]e as I have found anudder one amongst the bunch... the bunches! The one called [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Learec- Leary]] is not who he appears to be, and certainly is NOT an original creator of [[Asperchu|Asperchu]]. In fact, he is not even [[Aspergers|AsPERGIAN]]! He does not have Aspergers, and he’s another [[Chris|fatty]] [[Barbara|fat]] [[Robert Chandler|fat]] [[Sammy|fat]] [[Hambeast|fat]]... [[Desi|fat]]. Aaand just le—and I do NOT have a script. I have notes.

[''Holds up a piece of lined paper and a piece of red construction paper'']

I have notes and I form my own script. Anyway, he also has ties with the, uh, [[The GAMe PLACe|Game and Hobby]] place of which he makes donaations, of wid- which I have another esspose about the Game Place. First, here is his closeup.

[''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.'']

Now let’s talk... oh yeah, his real name is Christopher. So, [[Homos|Cha-ris]], let’s talk business now. What I would like from you… is essentially a live video apology for all the wrongs you have done to me over the [[Internet|innernet]] including the [[Chris and Copyright|copyright infringement on my Sonichu]] with your CHEAP, poor excuse for a 9-year-old... Asperchu, you immature [[JERKS|jerk]]! And then, I want you to leave the internet for good, and leave me and [[For My Sweetest Ivy|my mom—and my family]]... and friends at peace.

Also, on that note, I wish to make a correction to my demands with [[Surfshack Tito|Don]] and Jeremy. Essentially I have lear- Essentially I have learned from my esteemed colleague associates that [[Chris and the Law|apparently it is extortion]] to request [[Spanish|mucho dinero]], plus the billboard is no longer in effect. So therefore, I essentially still want Don to come forward with his video to Sony and to me publicly apologizing and everything, and the same goes to Jeremy. Public video apology, and both of y’all have to leave the internet for good, and leave me and my family and friends at peace.

Anyway, going back to, uh, Christopher… by the way, I know you’re in Texas. You’re in Texas, you [[Obesity|fatty fat fat]]! He has been donating to the troll cause and such over at The PLACE! The [[The GAMe PLACe|game and hobby place]] of which we are fully aware of and have grown to love and such, but there is more to THE PLACE, and its three associated stores located only within [[Virginia|Virginia]], and I know from cold hard facts... including facts from a Hook article back in August of [[2002|2002]], that... the four stores, their owner, a one Mr. Robert Lightburn... is... a [[Pedofork|child molester]], and convicted sex offender in Illinois.

And think about this! The place in [[Charlottesville|Charlottesville]] is located right across from a school, and it is owned by a child molestor! Parents! Children! Associated families! I don’t think you would want anyone who is a minor, or [[Chris and Reality|even under the age of ten]] to go into such a place that is owned by a child molester, and I am sure that in association, even though he is married, [[Michael Snyder]] has his own child molestation skeleton [[Homos|in his closet]]! He probably even molested his own daughter for all I know! I do not have concrete facts, so therefore that is just theory until I am corrected. But the point is the place is owned by a child molester, and nobody should ever, ever go into that place again… and it should be closed down for good! And that’s all I have for this video right now. Stay tuned for another [[slow-in-the-minds|Trroll ess-especial twirl esspose]].

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, also known as '''101 2466''', Chris accepts [[Surfshack_Tito_(troll)#Tito.27s_official_response_to_Chris|Tito's attempt to meet his demands]], while Thorg appears to have made no such efforts yet. Chris is still awaiting the money he demanded, and another part of Jeremy's face and part of another photo Chris has obtained of him are shown to viewers.

This video also shows us that Chris now has two piercings on each ear, when it was previously believed he had two on his right ear and only one on his left.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9Nn4u9b_hJk}}
| stardate = 10 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Redbra|text}}, Unknown
| previous = [[It's not that cold]]
| next = [[Correction of EX relationship status]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Well, it seems I have gotten a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZhlo94cMNk well-wise response] to my recent videos...from [[Surfshack Tito|master Don]], of which I will now respond to as [[speech impediment|sutss]]. You d-you made a wise descision, Don. I am-as long as I get the money before the end of the month, I will withhold the photographs and the other information. I can promise you that, but miss the deadline... ''[widens his eyes and stares into the camera]'' and you certainly don't have to be my slave for a week. I mean, aside from the [[Niggos|slave laws]] and everything. ''[shakes head and sighs]''

Anyway, apparently I have learned from my esteemed colleague that Thorg, master Jeremy, is still not convinced I mean businesss. Well, just to show you, Jeremy, that I mean businesss, I'm going to reveal a little bit more about you.

Here is a closeup--another closeup of that pho-to-graph zoomed in on your pizza face! ''[looks off-camera at the picture and zooms in on a different part]'' Excuse me a moment. ''[whispers]'' alright, ''[mumbles, as air conditioner gets louder]'' as well as a zoom-in on a possibly more current, or possibly previous pho-to-graph of yourself. Aaand, I'm gonna reveal a couple of random tidbits about you from my notes!

Once again, Jeremy lives in Can-a-da...and he likes the typical geeky things, without being stereotypical, of course, and not offending anyone of the sort, because I am considerably one myself, because I like [[Pokemon|Pokemon]], [[Yu-Gi-Oh|Yu-Gi-Oh!]], and all- and [[My Little Pony|that sort]]. Apparently, uh, he is a LARPer. Live action role playing! As it was portrayed in that episode of [http://www.thetester.com/ The Tester]!

''[begins to speak in a high-pitched, singsongy voice]''

"Oh, look at me, I'm [[Chris and English|trollicking]] about! We are going to be warriors and whatnot! Yay, we won the things! [[Chris and Reality|And then we're future cops, sent being- mall-for future mall cops]]! Mall cops of the future! La, la la, la la, la la! We're LARPing about! LARP LARP LARP LARP! LARP. LAAAARP. LARP! Lorp."

And we know that the atheist does not like [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|having his mind changed]] about [[GodJesus|God]]. I mean, I gotta tell you, man, God is all-powerful. How do you think the [[speech impediment|Earss]] was created aside from the big bang? Who had to put the big bang together? God! And I know from my bible ''[shows bible]'', my hand on it, that between him and [[GodJesus|Jesus]], they're pretty powerful! They're pretty powerful individuals.. and I believe in them. They have- I mean, Jesus has done a lot with his mircales before he had to [[Obesity|weigh]] the cross, which I just [[Chris and his Ego|empathize]] with him on that...

''[closes eyes and inhales through teeth]'' it's like I can feel the thorns that were drug-that were drudge, plowed through his hands and his feet! [[Fail|Thorn of crowns]]. Mm. Empathy is a powerful thing.

But...I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have God or Jesus at my-by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists...are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer...I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!

You have until August 31st to reply and follow my demands of admitting...your wrongdoings, and making the public apologies via [[YouTube|YouTube]] video, as I am a-well aware, as I have made note, but apparently the billboard is no longer an option. Anyway, between the YouTube public apology, and leaving the internet alone, AND leaving me, my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my friends at peace, that is what I demand of you, master Jeremy. ''[air conditioner gets louder]''

Your move. 'Cause if you don't respond by the 31st, ''[snaps fingers and widens his eyes]'' I mean business. Check your privileges!

{{Troll Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2357.MOV]]|nextlink=[[It's not that cold]] / [[Correction of EX relationship status]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-06]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-09]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-10]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-08T17:22:53Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - [[Chris and the Law|Law]]===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the conclusion of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-08T17:19:29Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the conclusion of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-08T17:18:25Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the conclusion of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them for cash.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-08T17:17:16Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

Most recently, in the conclusion of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after he expresses the purpose of the videos: To blackmail the two of them for cash.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-08-07T17:32:52Z

Corvax: /* "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="It's like they're shoving it in your face" — Flamboyancy===

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Homosexuals|response]] on the forum, Chris stated, 'I do not care much for the homosexual males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face'. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the woman's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching Youtube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Given his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Unbanning_Attempts|"banned"]] means, he might soon appear in front of a judge.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

100 2357.MOV

2011-08-07T06:47:18Z

Corvax: /* Transcript */

'''100 2357.MOV''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 22 [[November 2010]]. For the sixth time, Chris announces he is to [[Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|leave the Internet]]. Chris also removed all his other [[YouTube]] videos around the time this one was uploaded. His [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] have still not been replaced or repaired properly.

Chris's speech implied that he would spend time outside of his [[14 Branchland Court|humble abode]] and attempt to socialize with others. Unsurprizingly, he has instead spent the majority of his time playing [[PS3]] and making [[Little Big Planet]] mods.

{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2357.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eQqO3kFaV2w}}
| stardate = 22 [[November 2010]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2278]]
| next = [[Calling Out|Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
}}

===Transcript===

Attention! [[George W. Bush|Read my lips!]]

Online socialization... is a [[Muscle_bra|bust]]. [[Chris_and_English|Socialize in real life is]] the tops.

And also: [[Calling Out|NO MORE VIDEOS!]]

Fuck you most ''[displays middle finger]'' and fuck you ''[shows other middle finger]'', social sites like [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]]!

[''[[Pedo-glasses#Dramatic_glasses_removal|whips off his glasses and shakes out his hair]]'']

[[Gay|I'm out.]] ''[turns off the camera]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100_2278]]|nextlink=[[Calling Out|Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]}}

{{Videos about leaving the Internet}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, November 2010| 2010-11-22]]