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Sonichu 11

2010-11-22T22:26:54Z

Cows: /* A Sonichu Christmas */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = [[Image:Issue 11 Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 13 August 2009
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 12 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{quote|The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.|[[Mailbag 51]]}}
'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) However, since the tenth anniversary of Sonichu's creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]] and this issue remains incomplete, this is now another thing Chris has [[fail|failed]] at.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]". Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future.

==A Sonichu Christmas==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| audiobook = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11 ''Special Episode 1 of Book 11''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]", at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cera, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

Christine notably plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'', marking the second time Chris has stolen a ''Family Guy'' joke since [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], only this time instead of screwing up the context of the joke he manages to make the already off-color gag (that suggested [[GodJesus]]'s mother wasn't a [[virgin]]) more offensive, as it is being uttered by a child who intends to say it at her school play, likely leading to loud gasps, boos and expulsion. The scene takes focus on Sonichu and [[Robbie]] hanging stockings, Robbie proceeds to butcher a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|holiday classic]] and they than have a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cera]] make an abnormally small amount of cookies, so that each child is apparently allotted one cookie in an individual plastic bag. Cera makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie resembles nothing close to any Jewish symbol, making this seemingly benign gesture [[fail|somewhat self-defeating]]. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the Jewish kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cera do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cera says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall. Chris really wants more people to love him unconditionally for being special. Robbie and Cera, speaking in complete sentences despite being toddlers, notice that it has snowed, with two feet expected to fall. Sonichu and Rosechu have a long conversation about purchasing groceries for "a few days."

While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how GodJesus will reward the humble and [[Chris and his ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this verse is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal. Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries. His trip to the supermarket was uneventful and uninteresting.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot [[tobacky|"coca"]] and a warm [[Axe|shower]]. Rosechu subsequently nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of frozen precipitate, Sonichu decides to demonstrate his unholy powers to his children. "Imitating Santa," Sonichu crouches in the chimney, touches his nose, and with a cry of [[Mary Poppins|"Chim Chim Cheroo"]] flies up the flue.
He rises up out of the chimney looking like a [[niggos|ninja]] because of the soot, and then shakes it off. He then bizarrely uses his gift of Sonic speed...

 ...to spend five minutes "shoveling" the driveway while in his Sonic mode, because using an actual shovel is too much [[Monthly tugboat|work]]; never mind that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he then heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]], making a sound as if he's [[Mass debating|pleasing himself]] while Rosechu looks on holding a hideous novelty Christmas towel as she blesses him.

===Controversial conclusion===
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11 to the [[CWCipedia]]. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off with a similar dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "seven-inch lightning rod."

Despite a surprisingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris overwrote them a short while later, claiming in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of another artist.

However, during The Great Rampage 2.0 (where the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored. The CWCipedia died the next day.

==Later episodes==

The content of subsequent episodes can only be speculated on; doubtless, it will consist of the first thing that comes to Chris's head whenever he can be bothered to scrawl a few pages. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making it probable that he will make his first appearance since he helped Sonichu rescue Rosechu way back in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This is almost entirely incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously established canon is null and void, or at least, irrelevant; a [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]] is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes; and neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show", Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot", he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]].

Chris has also said, ''"Count Graduon will be the Major Villain beyond ''[''Sonichu'' #10]'', possessing the [[Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on the moon back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?duyz0z2gyd2 Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 10

2010-11-22T22:26:25Z

Cows: /* Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #10
| cover = [[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 15 September [[2008]]
| finishedcomic = 25 [[February 2010]] ([[Book10Replacement|revised 30 October 2010]])
| pagecount = 97
| episodes = 21
| previous = [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]
| next = [[Sonichu 11|Sonichu #11]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #10''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. The final pages were scheduled to be uploaded on 24 [[February 2010]] ([[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]]), though he missed it by a few hours.

==Background==
[[Image:Sonichu 10 release graph.png|thumb|right|Sonichu #10 release activity.]]
Throughout the early fall of [[2008]], the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls, posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the [[Medallion]].

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|9 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special ''Sonichu'' comic meant to be an excerpt from ''Sonichu'' #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October [[2008]]. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the medallion's safety and [[Blanca]]'s loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 [[January 2009]]. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the [[Time Void]] since the end of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as the cover of #10.

===Death of Simonla===
During the production of ''Sonichu'' #10, Chris was also deeply embroiled in a feud with the forces behind the [[Asperpedia]]. More specifically, [[Evan]] was putting pressure on Chris to kill or otherwise remove from the comics [[Simonla Rosechu]], whose creation had been based on Evan's original Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, [[Simonchu]]. Chris refused and actually retconned Simonla's entry on the [[CWCipedia]] to state that Simonla was his own original creation, and he had not based her on Simonchu. Shortly after these changes were made, [[9 February 2010|the CWCipedia went offline]], replaced by a notice from Evan's lawyers.

In order to recover the [[CWCipedia]], Chris posted a two-page spread in which Chris apologizes for his trespasses against the Asperpedia team, and Simonla is killed by an exploding toilet. When he arrived at Simonla's death in the actual comic, however, he spread the events of Simonla's death over many pages, and introduced a new character: [[Sandy Rosechu]], her daughter with [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]]. Furthermore, the Asperpedia team are depicted as Simonla's murderers, and after a trial in a kangaroo court, are violently executed, with Sandy and Wild teaming up to maim and then murder Evan. Team Asperpedia was understandably upset with this development, and have since coerced Chris into the third of his seemingly endless rewrites of the end of ''Sonichu'' #10.

{{-}}
==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==
{{Resources
| title = Christian Chandler in Director Amenities
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10 ''Episode 21''
| videobook =Sonichu_10_Official_Videobook#Episode_21{{!}}''Episode 21''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic11P1.htm ''Episode 21''}}
===Curing Da Homos===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However, there is a bit more dialogue than the [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals six years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]], is worried sick about. The fate of the other syringe is never seen.

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!). Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to [[Allison Amber]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' and his plastic instruments and head for the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-cent_garbage.com]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop at a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not-so-subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one of Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound, until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The trolls' flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, as best he can, the [[Wikipedia:Entertainment Software Rating Board|ESRB]] rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E- or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He then proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building, erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' [[Chris and remorse|Chris then claims]] that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, who's revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[HEXBox]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage.com building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two sonichus fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs [[Naitsirhc]], not in the heart, but straight in his [[Black Sonichu]] [[Medallion]]. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the completely non-homoerotic phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[Guitar Hero|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375. A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-cent_garbage.com would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time]] one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one February 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and fall in love with Magi-Chan.

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a fan of the comic series. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, meaning Chris has cheated on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and Collosal Chan===
[[Image:XboxCameForCWC.jpg|thumb|left|Putting a whole new meaning on the word "X'''box'''".]]
After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for [[RuleCWC]] with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile, in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[Guitar Hero|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid Rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "[[Cole Smithey|coles]]" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[HEXBox]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''[[Shadow the Hedgehog]]'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He then steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEXBox. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a [[homos|muscle-bound]] Sonichu known as [[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch]]. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEXBox.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; [[Chris and Religion#Delusions of Godhood?|simply a representative of God]]. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of Rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so. A point of interest is an implication that Chris thinks using Magi-chan to railroad the plot illustrates his "strength", as he considers Alec's take on the character to be "weak" for not doing exactly this. He also seems to think that Metal Asperchu is a Pokemon, which is strange considering that his [[Metal Sonichu|own robot]] has no place on his convoluted evolution chart.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story. Even ''he'' is fed up with the constant textwalling.

Back in CWCville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of Moon-Pals, but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest CWCville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechus supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated Rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The Rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where certain people will know how to use it better. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously failed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

[[File:TEVDoesHisThingp.jpg|thumb|How it went down.]]

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simonchu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from ''Gurren Lagann'').

As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, [[Autism|insensitive fuck that he is]], tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

[[File:FreeAsperpedia4.jpg|thumb|left|Public reaction to Chris's abortion of justice]]
Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (who seems to be based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey]] [[Pokemon|Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they allegedly hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu- meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Notable instances include Sonichu's protest of "I'M NOT GAY", Punchy's cry of "BLOOD AND GORE", Bubbles and her bitch Blake bitching about that Bubbles is not retarded, and Bionic's claim that he is not a robot (despite never being depicted as one). Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy (pointedly castrating him)''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there) before Wild helps her finish him off. '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD |breaks Mao]] with his psychic powers, twisting his legs at unnatural angles before finally crushing his heart''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, [[Chris and Hypocrisy|despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.]]

It should be noted that when [[Jackie]], a girl who had no knowledge of Asperchu or anything negative about Chris, saw the trial scene, Chris's godawful art style made her assume that Chris was '''executing children'''.

Although the battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] was the culmination of years of comics by Chris coming to a head, it is given far less time and importance than the trial and execution by the Asperpedia crew. Similarly, Crystal's rescue from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] is done in about a page and a half, with no dialogue and no indication that it is in any way significant to the plot.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls|his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8|months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

True to his word ([[lies|for a change]]) Chris has proceeded to stop updating the comic while he waits for "inspiration" to happen.
{{clear}}

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as [[Blanca]] responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 February 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that were slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) admits that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems, and begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags while she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. Simonla has just enough time to tearfully hand Wild her lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of her murderer, and Wild declares revenge.

The preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed Simonla and viciously slaying the four of them. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]]. On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his [[Twitter]] account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make peace with Alec and company- probably in the hope that doing so will result in Jack removing his dreadfully pornographic ads.

==Revised ending version==
On 30 October 2010, Chris would upload [[Book10Replacement|a video in which he presents the revision he had promised 6 months earlier]]. Instead of being sentenced to death, the Asperpedia Four are sentenced to live in an Amish community for the rest of their lives, where they're brainwashed into becoming retards. Jason Kendrick Howell is revealed to have died in a car crash, and Kathleen Nicole Wallace is put in a maximum security prison for smoking pot.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 9

2010-11-22T22:25:58Z

Cows: /* Episode 20: CWC-Defense */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #9
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic9.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 1 December 2008
| finishedcomic = 7 December 2009
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 19-20
| previous = [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]]
| next = [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]]
}}'''''Sonichu'' #9''' is the tenth issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book. It depicts Chris's return from the [[Time Void]] he fell into in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as the canonical version of the sequence depicted in [[Sonichu Fan Promo|timmy1984's Sonichu fan videos]].

The issue sees the debut of [[Reginald Sneasel]], [[Layla Flaaffy]], [[Ivy]], and [[GodJesus]]. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]'s marriage and children are acknowledged for the first time since Chris introduced the [[retcon]] in [[August 2009]].

Confusion about what ''Sonichu'' #9 is and is not arises from the fact that Chris published a preview of Episode 21, scheduled for [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] before beginning work on [[Episode 18]] for [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]; [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|many]] have mistakenly referred to one or both of these stories as issue 9. However, the asspies at [[CWCki]] have always been able to keep track of the True and Honest continuity, and know ''Sonichu'' #9 features Episodes 19 and 20. Chris himself has confirmed this on [[CWCipedia]].

''Sonichu'' #9 is the longest ''Sonichu'' issue on record, at 107 pages including extras. Counting only the episode pages, it is identical in length to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], at 101 pages.

==Production==
[[Image:Sonichu 9 release graph.png|thumb|right|''Sonichu'' #9 release activity. Note that for earlier pages, this only tracks when the images were uploaded to CWCipedia.]]
Work on the issue began as early as December 2008 when Chris drew the cover, although progress had stalled due to the stress of coping with the [[trolls]] demanding MOAR COMIX. In a departure from his normal publishing procedure, Chris released the content of this issue section-by-section: The first three pages of Episode 19 were released on [[March 2009|30 March 2009]], followed by the rest of the episode on [[April 2009|12 April 2009]]; the story would not be fully colored and lettered until [[July 2009]]. Pages from Episode 20 quickly followed beginning on [[August 2009|August 8th]], suggesting Chris has finally gotten his focus back, perhaps due to competition from [[CChanSonichuCWC|the impostor]]. Production halted after this, but new pages were made in [[October 2009]] due to external forces pressuring him in finishing Episode 20 to solve a copyright dispute.

From the day the cover was drawn on 1 December [[2008]] to the day the final page was uploaded on 7 [[December 2009]], ''Sonichu'' #9 took just over a full year to complete (longer than any previous issue), demonstrating that even if Chris could draw, he couldn't produce enough material to keep a steady job in the comics industry.

Due to [[trolls|continuing issues]] with webhosting, ''Sonichu'' #9's rolling debut has spanned no less than four different websites: [[sonichuandrosechu.com]], [[cwcville.com]], [[CWCipedia]], and Chris's [[DeviantART]] account.

==Cover==
The cover depicts the entire [[Chaotic Combo]] as if about to go into battle. It is presumably a montage scene, and is most notable for prominently featuring [[Rosechu]] in the process of pulling bananas out of her skirt.
{{-}}
==Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)==
{{Resources
| title = Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_1 ''Episode 19''
| videobook =Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_19{{!}}''Episode 19''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic10P1.htm ''Episode 19''}}
This episode is based around our heroes attending "[[Dating Education]]" classes, because although they've spent years training in dojos and fighting the world's most [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (comics)|villainous enemies]], none of them is able to talk to the opposite sex.

The comic opens with [[Punchy]] announcing his intention to ace the class and make [[Angelica]] his woman, while [[Simonla]] orders [[Zapina]] into the high-school version of the class to pick up a sixteen-year-old boy. The class itself is taught by [[Sarah Jackson|Ms. Jackaras]]. One boy named "[[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]]" is jealous of Punchy for being paired up with the girl he likes, [[Layla]]. [[Wild]] is paired with [[Simonla]]. Some ''[[South Park]]'' knockoffs are paired together. [[Ivy]] (after [[Julie]] was written out; see [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]), is paired with someone but shows no interest in him because she and Chris had the same dream where [[GodJesus]] show up and explain that Chris and Ivy are meant to be together. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] is still in the [[Time Void]] at this point and they have never actually met, making this situation even more absurd.

Ms. Jackaras orders the class to socialize with their chosen partners anonymously over instant message chat, which is far more beneficial than asking them to, oh I don't know, speak to each other face-to-face. Being the amorous flake that he is, Punchy soon forgets all about Angelica as he speaks to Layla over IM and dreams his dreams of [[china]]. Unfortunately, the jealous [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] tries to put a stop to Punchy's sexy plans and cuts the cable on the computer, thus cutting off any contact between Layla and Punchy. Sadly, his plan fails as Punchy merely asks [[Wild Sonichu]] to cross over to the other-side of the room and ask Layla out for him. Layla totally says yes. How Wild knew who Layla was from her screen-name is left unexplained. While Wild is doing Punchy's dirty-work for him, he spies Simonla's computer monitor and concludes that he has been IM'ing with her all along, calloo-callay.

Wild takes advantage of this situation by taking her back to his place and showing her his vibrating bed. Punchy meets Layla for the first time outside class, and they make a romantic trip to [[McDonald's]] where Punchy demands that "da freedom fries" not be invaded by salt. Outside class, Reginald is contemplating suicide when he is approached by Angelica who listens to his pathetic tale of woe and, possibly due to use of narcotic substances, flirts with Reginald until he summons the courage to ask her out. To his (and our) bewilderment, she says yes. Back in class, Ms. Jackaras's sister announces her tragic death, but no matter, and hands out the exam scores.

==Episode 20: CWC-Defense==
{{Resources
| title = CWC-Defense
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_32 ''Episode 20''
| videobook =Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_20{{!}}''Episode 20''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10P2.htm ''Episode 20''}}

The full plot of Episode 20 was unknown for a long time, but it was expected to be the climactic resolution of the battle of [[CWCville]] seen in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] renewing their attack, the [[electric hedgehog]]s finally gathering the [[Sonichu Balls]] to free [[Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] at last escaping the Time Void. Chris's videos at the time contained an increasing number of references to the 1986 film ''[[Transformers]]: The Movie'', and given the introduction of transforming robots it looked like this story would be a "[[parody]]" of that storyline. Now that the comic is finally released, the word "anticlimax" creeps in the mind for some reason.

The episode begins with [[BILLY MAYS]], who appears to have damaged his hands in some kind of bizarre finger mangling accident, explaining that he was never Mayor of [[CWCville]], just in case anybody hasn't heard Chris say so in the previous four months. In a sidenote, Chris asks Billy to please come back someday, suggesting that he may really not understand anything about death.

The story opens in earnest with the couples established in Episode 19 (Wild/Simonla, Reginald/Angelica, Punchy/Layla) waking up after coitus, proving that Chris's [[dating education]] plan is just a scheme to arrange sex. They are all awakened by [[Silvana]], [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] racing around CWCville preparing some major assault involving PVCC's Decepticlones.

Meanwhile, at 14 Brunchcourt Lane, [[Sonichu]] is all set to tell [[Rosechu]] some [[Da update|not-so-good news]] until he is completely mesmerized by the sight of her cameltoe while she's doing laundry. When he regains his bearings, he wastes fifteen minutes of his wife's time ranting about how those [[Gay 4 Sonichu|homos]] have been saying that he's a homosexual icon, going into a tard rage and wrecking the shit out of his own house, though we only see him smack what is maybe a potted plant (the rest of his outburst is conveyed through sound effects). Rosey tries to look like she gives a shit as her sweet-bolt blathers on and on, and then offers to fuck him right in the middle of the laundry room, because that's what loving wives do. Sonichu figures this is okay since [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their kids]] are next door, but thankfully, they're cockblocked by an attack on CWCville by the PVCC and [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Acting Mayor [[Allison Amber]] gets the call and sends the "Full Police" and [[Power Rangers]] to fight the PVCC. Chris's stupid Transformers ripoffs go instead. Meanwhile, [[Punchy]] is beating up some random [[Jerkops]] as [[Layla]] stands around looking worried because she's a [[Women's rights|chick]]. She's [[sex|attacked from behind]] by a [[Janekop]] and shocks her with Thunder. Punchy is somehow hurt. [[Prower]] arrives and Punchy sends him to "intercept and takedown".

Meanwhile, [[Simonla]] is in some random forest when a bunch of Jerkops ambush her. Suddenly, [[Wild]] appears from fucking nowhere and shoots vines at the Jerkops, tying them up while Simonla does absolutely nothing but try to look menacing. The Jerkops are polite enough to stand perfectly still as Wild carefully ties them all up and body slams them all, [[Chris and health|sweating profusely]].

We are then shown how [[Angelica]] and [[Reginald Sneasel]] are faring. Reginald beats the crap out of stuff (while bending his wrists at an ungodly angle) while Angelica destroys some planes with her Wing Attack. She then proceeds to curb stomp the wreckage. The destroyed planes crash around her church at precise points, forming the outline of a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]], a well-known pagan symbol. Chris uses the same shade of blue on Reginald as he does with the background, making one of the few times he actually colors in his background even worse than his usual laziness.

[[Blake]] and [[Bubbles]] are then shown holding hands on some beach as Jerkops close in on them. They do something retarded and form a giant electrically-charged tidal wave (though Chris being Chris, he fills the wave in entirely with blue before remembering to add yellow for the lightning, just causing the whole thing to look green and unpleasant) that flips all the Jerkops' cars over. Naturally, they never once release each other's hands because TWOO WUV CONQUERS ALL. They find themselves surrounded by a group of S.A.V.s (lead by one wearing Starscream's crown) and Blake, showing a moment of "I can do this without you simpering over me", tears apart the entire team by himself before going back to making out with Bubbles. He clarifies that the mechs are [[boyfriend-free girl|"pilot free"]], just in case you cared whether or not he was killing people.

We turn our attention back to Sonichu and Rosechu preparing to enter the battle (with Bumba-Lumba being an [[slow-in-the-minds|ineffectual idiot]], on his side in the middle of the road!). The two enter the battle, kicking ass, with Rosechu using some sort of odd, lightning bolt-shaped... weapon-thing.

At the [[CWCville Mall]]/[[Mayor's Office]], [[Patti-chan]] keeps the Jerkops away from the building with a barrier of some sort, as [[Zapina]], [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[Jamsta]], and [[Lolisa]] fight Jerkops. Jamsta and Lolisa don't use any kind of special powers, possibly because they don't have any. Over the skies of CWCville, [[Magi-Chan]] crashes a Crackder into a nearby body of water, only to be struck by Silvana. The two claim to have met before, but it's brushed aside as Magi-chan tried to woo Silvana to his side, claiming to restore her to her true gender (since Count Graduon had "gifted" her with a [[pickle|penis]]). Silvana refers to Graduon as "Papa" as she tells him off and the two prepare to fight.

Elsewhere, Wes-Li Sonichu tells Mary Lee Walsh that they can't break through and that the "True Police" and "Outter Forces" have been holding the jerkops back. Mary Lee says that she'll have to dodge their forces, but she'll be able to take down the barrier.

BACK AT SONICHU AND ROSECHU'S BATTLE, Sonichu's realizing that he's starting to wear down buzzing through Decepticlones when Chris's Sonichumobile appears. It then transforms into [[Son-Chu]] and orders the rest of the Autobots to transform. They do and begin the attack and accidentally goop Sonichu in [[semen|muck]]. Then a Punislav captures Rosechu, forcing her to call out to Sonichu who goes to rescue her ('''thus''' ruining timmy1984's entire video saga!). This fight contains the first mention of the idea of "un-brainwashing" the Jerkops (who are all [[slow in the minds]] who have been shot with hypnosis guns, apparently).

Elsewhere, a fire breaks out in a building and in one of the rooms, a person tosses out two Poké Balls, revealing [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]]... just mere moments before the building explodes. A headband lands on the ground, revealing that their Trainer was none other than [[PandaHalo]]. (A "memorial" then appears under it.) This marks the second time Chris has immortalized a [[Gal-pal]] by recreating her horrible, painful death in comic form. From Chris's [[Chris and death|bizarre point of view]], this is apparently the best way to remember someone: by focusing entirely on what killed them and not at all on their life or personality. The fire brigade arrives, and the team leader chastises Chloe and Blazebob for not doing the damn work they were appointed to do (it's possible that this brave fireman was unable to tell Chris that he's been slacking off in his mayoral duties, so he hopes bullying his underlings will get the message across), and the hearts of the two lovehogs are instantly 100% repaired when they realize what they have to do. They decide to go fight the Decepticlones who destroyed the house, while the firemen proceed to "save lives". (Wait, PandaHalo could be alive after all? Like Chris, Chloe and Blazebob are not into the whole "I won't believe she's dead until I see her charred corpse with my own eyes" thing.)

Meanwhile, Sonichu chases down the Punislav that kidnapped Rosechu. The Punislav fires... something (it looks like missiles, but at the same time, it could also be a hail of Hot Tamales candy) at Sonichu. He dodges, apparently leaps on to the Punislav's head (with a billboard with an odd picture of Chris on it, a message begging him to come back from Allison, in the background) and rips the head off the machine, the robot proclaiming [[Ghostbusters|OW! MY AXELS!]]. As Sonichu wonders if [[Family Guy|Seth MacFarlane]] used Christian's joke in "Road to Germany" (where Mort accidentally steps into a time machine while looking for the bathroom, and nothing beyond that), he hears Rosechu's cry again and continues on.

(There's also a message from CWC demanding that timmy1984 update his videos to be just like that.)

[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|[[Liquid Chris]] in furry form]]

As he does, he's pinged by Magi-Chan, who conveniently tells him where Rosechu is and who's waiting for him. As he does, he's struck by an Earthquake attack and ends up encountering [[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]], who seeks to take away credit from the other Electric Hedgehogs. IBA attacks with Rock Throw, but Sonichu counters with Iron Tail, destroying his medallion and apparently giving him a gash across his chest. Likely because of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call|reaction]] to [[Sonichu Special 4|the gun comic]], Chris makes a point of having Sonichu call for medical assistance to take care of the freshly injured IBA, instead of pulling out a gun and shooting the unarmed man in the kneecaps. Before the medics can take him away, grass grows out of the ground and pulls him to safety. The medics call them "Devil [[Trolls]]".

Meanwhile, Sonichu arrives where Rosechu is, unconscious (actually ASLEEP, since there are Z's coming from her) and in the grips of the Punislav. In front of him are [[Eggman]], [[Reldnahc]] and [[Giovanni]], who promise her safety if Sonichu listens to their demands. The demands are simple: pledge undying loyalty to Giovanni and make Reldnahc the mayor of CWCVille (probably a callback to Bluespike forcing Chris to make BILLY MAYS mayor) or Rosechu dies. When Sonichu refuses, Giovanni makes Sonichu wonder what was more important - Rosechu or the city? Sadly, as Chris likes to have his cake and eat it, too, so does Sonichu as a basketball smashes into Giovanni and something cuts Rosechu free (and apparently hits in behind her knees as well!)

As Rosechu falls, Sonichu races and catches the ENTIRE HAND, slams it down and goes to Rosechu's side. As Rosechu comes to, Sonichu fucking text walls the entire past 5 pages before Rosechu shuts him up and asks who freed her. Their rescuers appear in the form of [[Bionic]] and [[Darkbind]], who text wall about what they were doing before they had to save their sorry butts. Reldnahc comes to and gets revenge on Bionic by launching a Poké Ball at Bionic, smacking him upside the head in revenge over his defeat back in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and releasing a [[Pokémon|Nidoking]] to defeat him. Nidoking charges at Bionic planning to crush him up against a tree before Sonichu kicks mud in the Pokémon's face with Mud Slap, blinding it. Bionic then proceeds to curbstomp it with some fighting moves, causing it to faint. Reldnahc recalls the fallen Pokémon and proceeds to utter some stupid phrase and fires a purple ball, a so-called [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse of Embarrassment]], on Bionic, who catches it, spins it around and launches it back at Reldnahc, causing him to piss and [[shit]] on himself. His shit literally shoots out behind him, even though he's wearing pants. Apparently there's some kind of flap back there for easy access. Reldnahc teleports away in shame and Giovanni escapes in Robotnik's vehicle.

After a brief moment of finally finding out what happened between Magi-Chan and Silvana (Magi-Chan won using some odd attack, forcing Silvana to retreat as well), we come back to see Megagi cheering for Bionic (in a cheerleader's outfit, no less) before the gang is recalled back to the CWCVille Mall.

As Sonichu and Rosechu race back to the CWCVille Mall, passing by the laughable Kart Megazord, Magi-Chan gives the two a rundown of what's happened: the other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon have cleaned up most of the Jerkop invasion, with a number of them dying (the Jerkops, not the Pokémon); the Autobots have swept up the last of the Decepticlones and are having them shipped away for recycling; the CWC-Power Rangers used their Kart Megazord to defeat an enlarged [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] and return them to normal size; the police have taken a few casualties, the volunteers are exhausted and Slaweel is closing in on the mall. Even worse, there are two other casualties - [[Ivy]] and BILLY MAYS: Ivy was trapped in an elevator when its floor gave way and got her neck tangled in the wires. BILLY MAYS tried to break her fall, but when she got tangled he slipped and fell attempting to free her.

Let's have a recap on the deaths here: sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] is burnt to death, sweetheart [[Ivy]] is strangled and BILLY MAYS falls several stories only to show up the next issue completely fine.

[[Image:Dirty trick.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon prevents Slaweel from falling to her death after Sonichu knocks her off her broom. To Christian, this constitutes a "[[Sandy Rosechu|dirty trick]]".]]

Back at the CWCVille Mall, Slaweel arrives and proceeds to destroy the barrier with a stupid spell. Sonichu stops her by taking away her broom. Slaweel falls, only to be saved by Graduon, who places a floor grid in the sky, then destroys the broom. Slaweel challenges Sonichu and the battle begins with Rosechu worried (or possibly needing to go to the bathroom). Slaweel strikes with her pitchfork, then fires a bunch of purple orbs, Sonichu dodging all of them. Sonichu counters with some sort of shot, knocking away her pitchfork, then proceeding to spin attack her. Slaweel raises up a barrier to block the attack, but Sonichu SOMEHOW shatters it with a Flash Kick (a la Guile), knocking Slaweel off the platform. She catches herself, but Graduon refuses to aid her and escapes. She slips and falls, only for Sonichu to save her at the last moment. Slaweel tires of the fight and has Graduon get her out of there, with the being vowing that Slaweel will die one day. At the mall, we find out that Rosechu saved Sonichu when he fell and she asks why he didn't kill her. Sonichu says that, as a hero, he couldn't let her die and that only Chris is allowed to land [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|the final blow]]. With that, Sonichu declares that they need to clean up the city and get [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|the children]] back to watch [[Mary Poppins]] and [[Chris and death|not mourn those who died]].

In the Epilogue, we see Magi-Chan and Wild Sonichu finding the [[Time Void]] in which Chris was trapped. With Wild's help, Chris is pulled free. Fifteen minutes later, Sonichu bids farewell to Wild, telling him of what he needs to do. In the final page, Chris declares that this issue will be the last to feature himself and everything related to him for now on. This, of course, turns out to be untrue as Chris is featured prominently in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] and a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|later phone call]] with [[Alec Benson Leary]] shows Chris only intends to make "less appearances."

Way to keep a promise, Chris.
{{-}}
===Improved version===
<center>
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu - Motion Storyboard! Episode 20: CWC-Defense Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x-chzhoeSos}}
| Stardate = November 19, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu 9]]
| Video Type = Animated Film
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu - Motion Storyboard! Episode 20: CWC-Defense Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|C8RTqr5QoKc}}
| Stardate = December 12, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu 9]]
| Video Type = Animated Film
}}
</center>

==Extras==
[[File:MarriedWithChildren.png|thumb|Turns out they haven't been living in sin.]]
The comic ends, as most of Chris's comics do, with a few bonus pages. The first of these pages is simply the cover of ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' for the PS2, which is kind of odd considering he'd been playing the [[PS3]] for two years when this issue was published. The next page is some sort of PSA that Sonichu and Rosechu got married in [[2006]], but kept it a secret from everybody for three years for no reason at all. This image also features their three abominable [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|kids]] who are equal parts disgusting and stupid. The issue wraps up with Chris displaying his knowledge of [[CADD]] (or lack thereof) with horrible diagrams of [[Wild]] and [[Simonla]]'s homes, and a full-size scan of the caricature Chris used on the billboard earlier in the book. Unsurprisingly, the art is of a much higher caliber than [[Chris and art|anything]] that Chris could create.
{{-}}

==External links==
* Episode 19 [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_1 Comic]
* Episode 20 [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_32 Comic]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 9

2010-11-22T22:25:03Z

Cows: /* Episode 20: CWC-Defense */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #9
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic9.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 1 December 2008
| finishedcomic = 7 December 2009
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 19-20
| previous = [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]]
| next = [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]]
}}'''''Sonichu'' #9''' is the tenth issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book. It depicts Chris's return from the [[Time Void]] he fell into in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as the canonical version of the sequence depicted in [[Sonichu Fan Promo|timmy1984's Sonichu fan videos]].

The issue sees the debut of [[Reginald Sneasel]], [[Layla Flaaffy]], [[Ivy]], and [[GodJesus]]. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]'s marriage and children are acknowledged for the first time since Chris introduced the [[retcon]] in [[August 2009]].

Confusion about what ''Sonichu'' #9 is and is not arises from the fact that Chris published a preview of Episode 21, scheduled for [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] before beginning work on [[Episode 18]] for [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]; [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|many]] have mistakenly referred to one or both of these stories as issue 9. However, the asspies at [[CWCki]] have always been able to keep track of the True and Honest continuity, and know ''Sonichu'' #9 features Episodes 19 and 20. Chris himself has confirmed this on [[CWCipedia]].

''Sonichu'' #9 is the longest ''Sonichu'' issue on record, at 107 pages including extras. Counting only the episode pages, it is identical in length to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], at 101 pages.

==Production==
[[Image:Sonichu 9 release graph.png|thumb|right|''Sonichu'' #9 release activity. Note that for earlier pages, this only tracks when the images were uploaded to CWCipedia.]]
Work on the issue began as early as December 2008 when Chris drew the cover, although progress had stalled due to the stress of coping with the [[trolls]] demanding MOAR COMIX. In a departure from his normal publishing procedure, Chris released the content of this issue section-by-section: The first three pages of Episode 19 were released on [[March 2009|30 March 2009]], followed by the rest of the episode on [[April 2009|12 April 2009]]; the story would not be fully colored and lettered until [[July 2009]]. Pages from Episode 20 quickly followed beginning on [[August 2009|August 8th]], suggesting Chris has finally gotten his focus back, perhaps due to competition from [[CChanSonichuCWC|the impostor]]. Production halted after this, but new pages were made in [[October 2009]] due to external forces pressuring him in finishing Episode 20 to solve a copyright dispute.

From the day the cover was drawn on 1 December [[2008]] to the day the final page was uploaded on 7 [[December 2009]], ''Sonichu'' #9 took just over a full year to complete (longer than any previous issue), demonstrating that even if Chris could draw, he couldn't produce enough material to keep a steady job in the comics industry.

Due to [[trolls|continuing issues]] with webhosting, ''Sonichu'' #9's rolling debut has spanned no less than four different websites: [[sonichuandrosechu.com]], [[cwcville.com]], [[CWCipedia]], and Chris's [[DeviantART]] account.

==Cover==
The cover depicts the entire [[Chaotic Combo]] as if about to go into battle. It is presumably a montage scene, and is most notable for prominently featuring [[Rosechu]] in the process of pulling bananas out of her skirt.
{{-}}
==Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)==
{{Resources
| title = Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_1 ''Episode 19''
| videobook =Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_19{{!}}''Episode 19''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic10P1.htm ''Episode 19''}}
This episode is based around our heroes attending "[[Dating Education]]" classes, because although they've spent years training in dojos and fighting the world's most [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (comics)|villainous enemies]], none of them is able to talk to the opposite sex.

The comic opens with [[Punchy]] announcing his intention to ace the class and make [[Angelica]] his woman, while [[Simonla]] orders [[Zapina]] into the high-school version of the class to pick up a sixteen-year-old boy. The class itself is taught by [[Sarah Jackson|Ms. Jackaras]]. One boy named "[[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]]" is jealous of Punchy for being paired up with the girl he likes, [[Layla]]. [[Wild]] is paired with [[Simonla]]. Some ''[[South Park]]'' knockoffs are paired together. [[Ivy]] (after [[Julie]] was written out; see [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]), is paired with someone but shows no interest in him because she and Chris had the same dream where [[GodJesus]] show up and explain that Chris and Ivy are meant to be together. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] is still in the [[Time Void]] at this point and they have never actually met, making this situation even more absurd.

Ms. Jackaras orders the class to socialize with their chosen partners anonymously over instant message chat, which is far more beneficial than asking them to, oh I don't know, speak to each other face-to-face. Being the amorous flake that he is, Punchy soon forgets all about Angelica as he speaks to Layla over IM and dreams his dreams of [[china]]. Unfortunately, the jealous [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] tries to put a stop to Punchy's sexy plans and cuts the cable on the computer, thus cutting off any contact between Layla and Punchy. Sadly, his plan fails as Punchy merely asks [[Wild Sonichu]] to cross over to the other-side of the room and ask Layla out for him. Layla totally says yes. How Wild knew who Layla was from her screen-name is left unexplained. While Wild is doing Punchy's dirty-work for him, he spies Simonla's computer monitor and concludes that he has been IM'ing with her all along, calloo-callay.

Wild takes advantage of this situation by taking her back to his place and showing her his vibrating bed. Punchy meets Layla for the first time outside class, and they make a romantic trip to [[McDonald's]] where Punchy demands that "da freedom fries" not be invaded by salt. Outside class, Reginald is contemplating suicide when he is approached by Angelica who listens to his pathetic tale of woe and, possibly due to use of narcotic substances, flirts with Reginald until he summons the courage to ask her out. To his (and our) bewilderment, she says yes. Back in class, Ms. Jackaras's sister announces her tragic death, but no matter, and hands out the exam scores.

==Episode 20: CWC-Defense==
{{Resources
| title = CWC-Defense
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_32 ''Episode 20''
| videobook =Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_20{{!}}''Episode 20''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.sonichu.com/sonichu/SchuComic10P2.htm ''Episode 20''}}

The full plot of Episode 20 was unknown for a long time, but it was expected to be the climactic resolution of the battle of [[CWCville]] seen in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] renewing their attack, the [[electric hedgehog]]s finally gathering the [[Sonichu Balls]] to free [[Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] at last escaping the Time Void. Chris's videos at the time contained an increasing number of references to the 1986 film ''[[Transformers]]: The Movie'', and given the introduction of transforming robots it looked like this story would be a "[[parody]]" of that storyline. Now that the comic is finally released, the word "anticlimax" creeps in the mind for some reason.

The episode begins with [[BILLY MAYS]], who appears to have damaged his hands in some kind of bizarre finger mangling accident, explaining that he was never Mayor of [[CWCville]], just in case anybody hasn't heard Chris say so in the previous four months. In a sidenote, Chris asks Billy to please come back someday, suggesting that he may really not understand anything about death.

The story opens in earnest with the couples established in Episode 19 (Wild/Simonla, Reginald/Angelica, Punchy/Layla) waking up after coitus, proving that Chris's [[dating education]] plan is just a scheme to arrange sex. They are all awakened by [[Silvana]], [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] racing around CWCville preparing some major assault involving PVCC's Decepticlones.

Meanwhile, at 14 Brunchcourt Lane, [[Sonichu]] is all set to tell [[Rosechu]] some [[Da update|not-so-good news]] until he is completely mesmerized by the sight of her cameltoe while she's doing laundry. When he regains his bearings, he wastes fifteen minutes of his wife's time ranting about how those [[Gay 4 Sonichu|homos]] have been saying that he's a homosexual icon, going into a tard rage and wrecking the shit out of his own house, though we only see him smack what is maybe a potted plant (the rest of his outburst is conveyed through sound effects). Rosey tries to look like she gives a shit as her sweet-bolt blathers on and on, and then offers to fuck him right in the middle of the laundry room, because that's what loving wives do. Sonichu figures this is okay since [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their kids]] are next door, but thankfully, they're cockblocked by an attack on CWCville by the PVCC and [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Acting Mayor [[Allison Amber]] gets the call and sends the "Full Police" and [[Power Rangers]] to fight the PVCC. Chris's stupid Transformers ripoffs go instead. Meanwhile, [[Punchy]] is beating up some random [[Jerkops]] as [[Layla]] stands around looking worried because she's a [[Women's rights|chick]]. She's [[sex|attacked from behind]] by a [[Janekop]] and shocks her with Thunder. Punchy is somehow hurt. [[Prower]] arrives and Punchy sends him to "intercept and takedown".

Meanwhile, [[Simonla]] is in some random forest when a bunch of Jerkops ambush her. Suddenly, [[Wild]] appears from fucking nowhere and shoots vines at the Jerkops, tying them up while Simonla does absolutely nothing but try to look menacing. The Jerkops are polite enough to stand perfectly still as Wild carefully ties them all up and body slams them all, [[Chris and health|sweating profusely]].

We are then shown how [[Angelica]] and [[Reginald Sneasel]] are faring. Reginald beats the crap out of stuff (while bending his wrists at an ungodly angle) while Angelica destroys some planes with her Wing Attack. She then proceeds to curb stomp the wreckage. The destroyed planes crash around her church at precise points, forming the outline of a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]], a well-known pagan symbol. Chris uses the same shade of blue on Reginald as he does with the background, making one of the few times he actually colors in his background even worse than his usual laziness.

[[Blake]] and [[Bubbles]] are then shown holding hands on some beach as Jerkops close in on them. They do something retarded and form a giant electrically-charged tidal wave (though Chris being Chris, he fills the wave in entirely with blue before remembering to add yellow for the lightning, just causing the whole thing to look green and unpleasant) that flips all the Jerkops' cars over. Naturally, they never once release each other's hands because TWOO WUV CONQUERS ALL. They find themselves surrounded by a group of S.A.V.s (lead by one wearing Starscream's crown) and Blake, showing a moment of "I can do this without you simpering over me", tears apart the entire team by himself before going back to making out with Bubbles. He clarifies that the mechs are [[boyfriend-free girl|"pilot free"]], just in case you cared whether or not he was killing people.

We turn our attention back to Sonichu and Rosechu preparing to enter the battle (with Bumba-Lumba being an [[slow-in-the-minds|ineffectual idiot]], on his side in the middle of the road!). The two enter the battle, kicking ass, with Rosechu using some sort of odd, lightning bolt-shaped... weapon-thing.

At the [[CWCville Mall]]/[[Mayor's Office]], [[Patti-chan]] keeps the Jerkops away from the building with a barrier of some sort, as [[Zapina]], [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[Jamsta]], and [[Lolisa]] fight Jerkops. Jamsta and Lolisa don't use any kind of special powers, possibly because they don't have any. Over the skies of CWCville, [[Magi-Chan]] crashes a Crackder into a nearby body of water, only to be struck by Silvana. The two claim to have met before, but it's brushed aside as Magi-chan tried to woo Silvana to his side, claiming to restore her to her true gender (since Count Graduon had "gifted" her with a [[pickle|penis]]). Silvana refers to Graduon as "Papa" as she tells him off and the two prepare to fight.

Elsewhere, Wes-Li Sonichu tells Mary Lee Walsh that they can't break through and that the "True Police" and "Outter Forces" have been holding the jerkops back. Mary Lee says that she'll have to dodge their forces, but she'll be able to take down the barrier.

BACK AT SONICHU AND ROSECHU'S BATTLE, Sonichu's realizing that he's starting to wear down buzzing through Decepticlones when Chris's Sonichumobile appears. It then transforms into [[Son-Chu]] and orders the rest of the Autobots to transform. They do and begin the attack and accidentally goop Sonichu in [[semen|muck]]. Then a Punislav captures Rosechu, forcing her to call out to Sonichu who goes to rescue her ('''thus''' ruining timmy1984's entire video saga!). This fight contains the first mention of the idea of "un-brainwashing" the Jerkops (who are all [[slow in the minds]] who have been shot with hypnosis guns, apparently).

Elsewhere, a fire breaks out in a building and in one of the rooms, a person tosses out two Poké Balls, revealing [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]]... just mere moments before the building explodes. A headband lands on the ground, revealing that their Trainer was none other than [[PandaHalo]]. (A "memorial" then appears under it.) This marks the second time Chris has immortalized a [[Gal-pal]] by recreating her horrible, painful death in comic form. From Chris's [[Chris and death|bizarre point of view]], this is apparently the best way to remember someone: by focusing entirely on what killed them and not at all on their life or personality. The fire brigade arrives, and the team leader chastises Chloe and Blazebob for not doing the damn work they were appointed to do (it's possible that this brave fireman was unable to tell Chris that he's been slacking off in his mayoral duties, so he hopes bullying his underlings will get the message across), and the hearts of the two lovehogs are instantly 100% repaired when they realize what they have to do. They decide to go fight the Decepticlones who destroyed the house, while the firemen proceed to "save lives". (Wait, PandaHalo could be alive after all? Like Chris, Chloe and Blazebob are not into the whole "I won't believe she's dead until I see her charred corpse with my own eyes" thing.)

Meanwhile, Sonichu chases down the Punislav that kidnapped Rosechu. The Punislav fires... something (it looks like missiles, but at the same time, it could also be a hail of Hot Tamales candy) at Sonichu. He dodges, apparently leaps on to the Punislav's head (with a billboard with an odd picture of Chris on it, a message begging him to come back from Allison, in the background) and rips the head off the machine, the robot proclaiming [[Ghostbusters|OW! MY AXELS!]]. As Sonichu wonders if [[Family Guy|Seth MacFarlane]] used Christian's joke in "Road to Germany" (where Mort accidentally steps into a time machine while looking for the bathroom, and nothing beyond that), he hears Rosechu's cry again and continues on.

(There's also a message from CWC demanding that timmy1984 update his videos to be just like that.)

[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|[[Liquid Chris]] in furry form]]

As he does, he's pinged by Magi-Chan, who conveniently tells him where Rosechu is and who's waiting for him. As he does, he's struck by an Earthquake attack and ends up encountering [[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]], who seeks to take away credit from the other Electric Hedgehogs. IBA attacks with Rock Throw, but Sonichu counters with Iron Tail, destroying his medallion and apparently giving him a gash across his chest. Likely because of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call|reaction]] to [[Sonichu Special 4|the gun comic]], Chris makes a point of having Sonichu call for medical assistance to take care of the freshly injured IBA, instead of pulling out a gun and shooting the unarmed man in the kneecaps. Before the medics can take him away, grass grows out of the ground and pulls him to safety. The medics call them "Devil [[Trolls]]".

Meanwhile, Sonichu arrives where Rosechu is, unconscious (actually ASLEEP, since there are Z's coming from her) and in the grips of the Punislav. In front of him are [[Eggman]], [[Reldnahc]] and [[Giovanni]], who promise her safety if Sonichu listens to their demands. The demands are simple: pledge undying loyalty to Giovanni and make Reldnahc the mayor of CWCVille (probably a callback to Bluespike forcing Chris to make BILLY MAYS mayor) or Rosechu dies. When Sonichu refuses, Giovanni makes Sonichu wonder what was more important - Rosechu or the city? Sadly, as Chris likes to have his cake and eat it, too, so does Sonichu as a basketball smashes into Giovanni and something cuts Rosechu free (and apparently hits in behind her knees as well!)

As Rosechu falls, Sonichu races and catches the ENTIRE HAND, slams it down and goes to Rosechu's side. As Rosechu comes to, Sonichu fucking text walls the entire past 5 pages before Rosechu shuts him up and asks who freed her. Their rescuers appear in the form of [[Bionic]] and [[Darkbind]], who text wall about what they were doing before they had to save their sorry butts. Reldnahc comes to and gets revenge on Bionic by launching a Poké Ball at Bionic, smacking him upside the head in revenge over his defeat back in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and releasing a [[Pokémon|Nidoking]] to defeat him. Nidoking charges at Bionic planning to crush him up against a tree before Sonichu kicks mud in the Pokémon's face with Mud Slap, blinding it. Bionic then proceeds to curbstomp it with some fighting moves, causing it to faint. Reldnahc recalls the fallen Pokémon and proceeds to utter some stupid phrase and fires a purple ball, a so-called [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse of Embarrassment]], on Bionic, who catches it, spins it around and launches it back at Reldnahc, causing him to piss and [[shit]] on himself. His shit literally shoots out behind him, even though he's wearing pants. Apparently there's some kind of flap back there for easy access. Reldnahc teleports away in shame and Giovanni escapes in Robotnik's vehicle.

After a brief moment of finally finding out what happened between Magi-Chan and Silvana (Magi-Chan won using some odd attack, forcing Silvana to retreat as well), we come back to see Megagi cheering for Bionic (in a cheerleader's outfit, no less) before the gang is recalled back to the CWCVille Mall.

As Sonichu and Rosechu race back to the CWCVille Mall, passing by the laughable Kart Megazord, Magi-Chan gives the two a rundown of what's happened: the other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon have cleaned up most of the Jerkop invasion, with a number of them dying (the Jerkops, not the Pokémon); the Autobots have swept up the last of the Decepticlones and are having them shipped away for recycling; the CWC-Power Rangers used their Kart Megazord to defeat an enlarged [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] and return them to normal size; the police have taken a few casualties, the volunteers are exhausted and Slaweel is closing in on the mall. Even worse, there are two other casualties - [[Ivy]] and BILLY MAYS: Ivy was trapped in an elevator when its floor gave way and got her neck tangled in the wires. BILLY MAYS tried to break her fall, but when she got tangled he slipped and fell attempting to free her.

Let's have a recap on the deaths here: sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] is burnt to death, sweetheart [[Ivy]] is strangled and BILLY MAYS falls several stories only to show up the next issue completely fine.

[[Image:Dirty trick.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon prevents Slaweel from falling to her death after Sonichu knocks her off her broom. To Christian, this constitutes a "[[Sandy Rosechu|dirty trick]]".]]

Back at the CWCVille Mall, Slaweel arrives and proceeds to destroy the barrier with a stupid spell. Sonichu stops her by taking away her broom. Slaweel falls, only to be saved by Graduon, who places a floor grid in the sky, then destroys the broom. Slaweel challenges Sonichu and the battle begins with Rosechu worried (or possibly needing to go to the bathroom). Slaweel strikes with her pitchfork, then fires a bunch of purple orbs, Sonichu dodging all of them. Sonichu counters with some sort of shot, knocking away her pitchfork, then proceeding to spin attack her. Slaweel raises up a barrier to block the attack, but Sonichu SOMEHOW shatters it with a Flash Kick (a la Guile), knocking Slaweel off the platform. She catches herself, but Graduon refuses to aid her and escapes. She slips and falls, only for Sonichu to save her at the last moment. Slaweel tires of the fight and has Graduon get her out of there, with the being vowing that Slaweel will die one day. At the mall, we find out that Rosechu saved Sonichu when he fell and she asks why he didn't kill her. Sonichu says that, as a hero, he couldn't let her die and that only Chris is allowed to land [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|the final blow]]. With that, Sonichu declares that they need to clean up the city and get [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|the children]] back to watch [[Mary Poppins]] and [[Chris and death|not mourn those who died]].

In the Epilogue, we see Magi-Chan and Wild Sonichu finding the [[Time Void]] in which Chris was trapped. With Wild's help, Chris is pulled free. Fifteen minutes later, Sonichu bids farewell to Wild, telling him of what he needs to do. In the final page, Chris declares that this issue will be the last to feature himself and everything related to him for now on. This, of course, turns out to be untrue as Chris is featured prominently in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] and a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|later phone call]] with [[Alec Benson Leary]] shows Chris only intends to make "less appearances."

Way to keep a promise, Chris.
{{-}}
===Improved version===
<center>
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu - Motion Storyboard! Episode 20: CWC-Defense Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x-chzhoeSos}}
| Stardate = November 19, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu 9]]
| Video Type = Animated Film
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu - Motion Storyboard! Episode 20: CWC-Defense Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|C8RTqr5QoKc}}
| Stardate = December 12, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu 9]]
| Video Type = Animated Film
}}
</center>

==Extras==
[[File:MarriedWithChildren.png|thumb|Turns out they haven't been living in sin.]]
The comic ends, as most of Chris's comics do, with a few bonus pages. The first of these pages is simply the cover of ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' for the PS2, which is kind of odd considering he'd been playing the [[PS3]] for two years when this issue was published. The next page is some sort of PSA that Sonichu and Rosechu got married in [[2006]], but kept it a secret from everybody for three years for no reason at all. This image also features their three abominable [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|kids]] who are equal parts disgusting and stupid. The issue wraps up with Chris displaying his knowledge of [[CADD]] (or lack thereof) with horrible diagrams of [[Wild]] and [[Simonla]]'s homes, and a full-size scan of the caricature Chris used on the billboard earlier in the book. Unsurprisingly, the art is of a much higher caliber than [[Chris and art|anything]] that Chris could create.
{{-}}

==External links==
* Episode 19 [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_1 Comic]
* Episode 20 [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_32 Comic]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 9

2010-11-22T22:24:40Z

Cows: /* Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated) */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #9
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic9.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 1 December 2008
| finishedcomic = 7 December 2009
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 19-20
| previous = [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]]
| next = [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]]
}}'''''Sonichu'' #9''' is the tenth issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book. It depicts Chris's return from the [[Time Void]] he fell into in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as the canonical version of the sequence depicted in [[Sonichu Fan Promo|timmy1984's Sonichu fan videos]].

The issue sees the debut of [[Reginald Sneasel]], [[Layla Flaaffy]], [[Ivy]], and [[GodJesus]]. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]'s marriage and children are acknowledged for the first time since Chris introduced the [[retcon]] in [[August 2009]].

Confusion about what ''Sonichu'' #9 is and is not arises from the fact that Chris published a preview of Episode 21, scheduled for [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] before beginning work on [[Episode 18]] for [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]; [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|many]] have mistakenly referred to one or both of these stories as issue 9. However, the asspies at [[CWCki]] have always been able to keep track of the True and Honest continuity, and know ''Sonichu'' #9 features Episodes 19 and 20. Chris himself has confirmed this on [[CWCipedia]].

''Sonichu'' #9 is the longest ''Sonichu'' issue on record, at 107 pages including extras. Counting only the episode pages, it is identical in length to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], at 101 pages.

==Production==
[[Image:Sonichu 9 release graph.png|thumb|right|''Sonichu'' #9 release activity. Note that for earlier pages, this only tracks when the images were uploaded to CWCipedia.]]
Work on the issue began as early as December 2008 when Chris drew the cover, although progress had stalled due to the stress of coping with the [[trolls]] demanding MOAR COMIX. In a departure from his normal publishing procedure, Chris released the content of this issue section-by-section: The first three pages of Episode 19 were released on [[March 2009|30 March 2009]], followed by the rest of the episode on [[April 2009|12 April 2009]]; the story would not be fully colored and lettered until [[July 2009]]. Pages from Episode 20 quickly followed beginning on [[August 2009|August 8th]], suggesting Chris has finally gotten his focus back, perhaps due to competition from [[CChanSonichuCWC|the impostor]]. Production halted after this, but new pages were made in [[October 2009]] due to external forces pressuring him in finishing Episode 20 to solve a copyright dispute.

From the day the cover was drawn on 1 December [[2008]] to the day the final page was uploaded on 7 [[December 2009]], ''Sonichu'' #9 took just over a full year to complete (longer than any previous issue), demonstrating that even if Chris could draw, he couldn't produce enough material to keep a steady job in the comics industry.

Due to [[trolls|continuing issues]] with webhosting, ''Sonichu'' #9's rolling debut has spanned no less than four different websites: [[sonichuandrosechu.com]], [[cwcville.com]], [[CWCipedia]], and Chris's [[DeviantART]] account.

==Cover==
The cover depicts the entire [[Chaotic Combo]] as if about to go into battle. It is presumably a montage scene, and is most notable for prominently featuring [[Rosechu]] in the process of pulling bananas out of her skirt.
{{-}}
==Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)==
{{Resources
| title = Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_1 ''Episode 19''
| videobook =Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_19{{!}}''Episode 19''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic10P1.htm ''Episode 19''}}
This episode is based around our heroes attending "[[Dating Education]]" classes, because although they've spent years training in dojos and fighting the world's most [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (comics)|villainous enemies]], none of them is able to talk to the opposite sex.

The comic opens with [[Punchy]] announcing his intention to ace the class and make [[Angelica]] his woman, while [[Simonla]] orders [[Zapina]] into the high-school version of the class to pick up a sixteen-year-old boy. The class itself is taught by [[Sarah Jackson|Ms. Jackaras]]. One boy named "[[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]]" is jealous of Punchy for being paired up with the girl he likes, [[Layla]]. [[Wild]] is paired with [[Simonla]]. Some ''[[South Park]]'' knockoffs are paired together. [[Ivy]] (after [[Julie]] was written out; see [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]), is paired with someone but shows no interest in him because she and Chris had the same dream where [[GodJesus]] show up and explain that Chris and Ivy are meant to be together. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] is still in the [[Time Void]] at this point and they have never actually met, making this situation even more absurd.

Ms. Jackaras orders the class to socialize with their chosen partners anonymously over instant message chat, which is far more beneficial than asking them to, oh I don't know, speak to each other face-to-face. Being the amorous flake that he is, Punchy soon forgets all about Angelica as he speaks to Layla over IM and dreams his dreams of [[china]]. Unfortunately, the jealous [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] tries to put a stop to Punchy's sexy plans and cuts the cable on the computer, thus cutting off any contact between Layla and Punchy. Sadly, his plan fails as Punchy merely asks [[Wild Sonichu]] to cross over to the other-side of the room and ask Layla out for him. Layla totally says yes. How Wild knew who Layla was from her screen-name is left unexplained. While Wild is doing Punchy's dirty-work for him, he spies Simonla's computer monitor and concludes that he has been IM'ing with her all along, calloo-callay.

Wild takes advantage of this situation by taking her back to his place and showing her his vibrating bed. Punchy meets Layla for the first time outside class, and they make a romantic trip to [[McDonald's]] where Punchy demands that "da freedom fries" not be invaded by salt. Outside class, Reginald is contemplating suicide when he is approached by Angelica who listens to his pathetic tale of woe and, possibly due to use of narcotic substances, flirts with Reginald until he summons the courage to ask her out. To his (and our) bewilderment, she says yes. Back in class, Ms. Jackaras's sister announces her tragic death, but no matter, and hands out the exam scores.

==Episode 20: CWC-Defense==
{{Resources
| title = CWC-Defense
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_32 ''Episode 20''
| videobook =Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_20{{!}}''Episode 20''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10P2.htm ''Episode 20''}}

The full plot of Episode 20 was unknown for a long time, but it was expected to be the climactic resolution of the battle of [[CWCville]] seen in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] renewing their attack, the [[electric hedgehog]]s finally gathering the [[Sonichu Balls]] to free [[Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] at last escaping the Time Void. Chris's videos at the time contained an increasing number of references to the 1986 film ''[[Transformers]]: The Movie'', and given the introduction of transforming robots it looked like this story would be a "[[parody]]" of that storyline. Now that the comic is finally released, the word "anticlimax" creeps in the mind for some reason.

The episode begins with [[BILLY MAYS]], who appears to have damaged his hands in some kind of bizarre finger mangling accident, explaining that he was never Mayor of [[CWCville]], just in case anybody hasn't heard Chris say so in the previous four months. In a sidenote, Chris asks Billy to please come back someday, suggesting that he may really not understand anything about death.

The story opens in earnest with the couples established in Episode 19 (Wild/Simonla, Reginald/Angelica, Punchy/Layla) waking up after coitus, proving that Chris's [[dating education]] plan is just a scheme to arrange sex. They are all awakened by [[Silvana]], [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] racing around CWCville preparing some major assault involving PVCC's Decepticlones.

Meanwhile, at 14 Brunchcourt Lane, [[Sonichu]] is all set to tell [[Rosechu]] some [[Da update|not-so-good news]] until he is completely mesmerized by the sight of her cameltoe while she's doing laundry. When he regains his bearings, he wastes fifteen minutes of his wife's time ranting about how those [[Gay 4 Sonichu|homos]] have been saying that he's a homosexual icon, going into a tard rage and wrecking the shit out of his own house, though we only see him smack what is maybe a potted plant (the rest of his outburst is conveyed through sound effects). Rosey tries to look like she gives a shit as her sweet-bolt blathers on and on, and then offers to fuck him right in the middle of the laundry room, because that's what loving wives do. Sonichu figures this is okay since [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their kids]] are next door, but thankfully, they're cockblocked by an attack on CWCville by the PVCC and [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Acting Mayor [[Allison Amber]] gets the call and sends the "Full Police" and [[Power Rangers]] to fight the PVCC. Chris's stupid Transformers ripoffs go instead. Meanwhile, [[Punchy]] is beating up some random [[Jerkops]] as [[Layla]] stands around looking worried because she's a [[Women's rights|chick]]. She's [[sex|attacked from behind]] by a [[Janekop]] and shocks her with Thunder. Punchy is somehow hurt. [[Prower]] arrives and Punchy sends him to "intercept and takedown".

Meanwhile, [[Simonla]] is in some random forest when a bunch of Jerkops ambush her. Suddenly, [[Wild]] appears from fucking nowhere and shoots vines at the Jerkops, tying them up while Simonla does absolutely nothing but try to look menacing. The Jerkops are polite enough to stand perfectly still as Wild carefully ties them all up and body slams them all, [[Chris and health|sweating profusely]].

We are then shown how [[Angelica]] and [[Reginald Sneasel]] are faring. Reginald beats the crap out of stuff (while bending his wrists at an ungodly angle) while Angelica destroys some planes with her Wing Attack. She then proceeds to curb stomp the wreckage. The destroyed planes crash around her church at precise points, forming the outline of a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]], a well-known pagan symbol. Chris uses the same shade of blue on Reginald as he does with the background, making one of the few times he actually colors in his background even worse than his usual laziness.

[[Blake]] and [[Bubbles]] are then shown holding hands on some beach as Jerkops close in on them. They do something retarded and form a giant electrically-charged tidal wave (though Chris being Chris, he fills the wave in entirely with blue before remembering to add yellow for the lightning, just causing the whole thing to look green and unpleasant) that flips all the Jerkops' cars over. Naturally, they never once release each other's hands because TWOO WUV CONQUERS ALL. They find themselves surrounded by a group of S.A.V.s (lead by one wearing Starscream's crown) and Blake, showing a moment of "I can do this without you simpering over me", tears apart the entire team by himself before going back to making out with Bubbles. He clarifies that the mechs are [[boyfriend-free girl|"pilot free"]], just in case you cared whether or not he was killing people.

We turn our attention back to Sonichu and Rosechu preparing to enter the battle (with Bumba-Lumba being an [[slow-in-the-minds|ineffectual idiot]], on his side in the middle of the road!). The two enter the battle, kicking ass, with Rosechu using some sort of odd, lightning bolt-shaped... weapon-thing.

At the [[CWCville Mall]]/[[Mayor's Office]], [[Patti-chan]] keeps the Jerkops away from the building with a barrier of some sort, as [[Zapina]], [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[Jamsta]], and [[Lolisa]] fight Jerkops. Jamsta and Lolisa don't use any kind of special powers, possibly because they don't have any. Over the skies of CWCville, [[Magi-Chan]] crashes a Crackder into a nearby body of water, only to be struck by Silvana. The two claim to have met before, but it's brushed aside as Magi-chan tried to woo Silvana to his side, claiming to restore her to her true gender (since Count Graduon had "gifted" her with a [[pickle|penis]]). Silvana refers to Graduon as "Papa" as she tells him off and the two prepare to fight.

Elsewhere, Wes-Li Sonichu tells Mary Lee Walsh that they can't break through and that the "True Police" and "Outter Forces" have been holding the jerkops back. Mary Lee says that she'll have to dodge their forces, but she'll be able to take down the barrier.

BACK AT SONICHU AND ROSECHU'S BATTLE, Sonichu's realizing that he's starting to wear down buzzing through Decepticlones when Chris's Sonichumobile appears. It then transforms into [[Son-Chu]] and orders the rest of the Autobots to transform. They do and begin the attack and accidentally goop Sonichu in [[semen|muck]]. Then a Punislav captures Rosechu, forcing her to call out to Sonichu who goes to rescue her ('''thus''' ruining timmy1984's entire video saga!). This fight contains the first mention of the idea of "un-brainwashing" the Jerkops (who are all [[slow in the minds]] who have been shot with hypnosis guns, apparently).

Elsewhere, a fire breaks out in a building and in one of the rooms, a person tosses out two Poké Balls, revealing [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]]... just mere moments before the building explodes. A headband lands on the ground, revealing that their Trainer was none other than [[PandaHalo]]. (A "memorial" then appears under it.) This marks the second time Chris has immortalized a [[Gal-pal]] by recreating her horrible, painful death in comic form. From Chris's [[Chris and death|bizarre point of view]], this is apparently the best way to remember someone: by focusing entirely on what killed them and not at all on their life or personality. The fire brigade arrives, and the team leader chastises Chloe and Blazebob for not doing the damn work they were appointed to do (it's possible that this brave fireman was unable to tell Chris that he's been slacking off in his mayoral duties, so he hopes bullying his underlings will get the message across), and the hearts of the two lovehogs are instantly 100% repaired when they realize what they have to do. They decide to go fight the Decepticlones who destroyed the house, while the firemen proceed to "save lives". (Wait, PandaHalo could be alive after all? Like Chris, Chloe and Blazebob are not into the whole "I won't believe she's dead until I see her charred corpse with my own eyes" thing.)

Meanwhile, Sonichu chases down the Punislav that kidnapped Rosechu. The Punislav fires... something (it looks like missiles, but at the same time, it could also be a hail of Hot Tamales candy) at Sonichu. He dodges, apparently leaps on to the Punislav's head (with a billboard with an odd picture of Chris on it, a message begging him to come back from Allison, in the background) and rips the head off the machine, the robot proclaiming [[Ghostbusters|OW! MY AXELS!]]. As Sonichu wonders if [[Family Guy|Seth MacFarlane]] used Christian's joke in "Road to Germany" (where Mort accidentally steps into a time machine while looking for the bathroom, and nothing beyond that), he hears Rosechu's cry again and continues on.

(There's also a message from CWC demanding that timmy1984 update his videos to be just like that.)

[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|[[Liquid Chris]] in furry form]]

As he does, he's pinged by Magi-Chan, who conveniently tells him where Rosechu is and who's waiting for him. As he does, he's struck by an Earthquake attack and ends up encountering [[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]], who seeks to take away credit from the other Electric Hedgehogs. IBA attacks with Rock Throw, but Sonichu counters with Iron Tail, destroying his medallion and apparently giving him a gash across his chest. Likely because of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call|reaction]] to [[Sonichu Special 4|the gun comic]], Chris makes a point of having Sonichu call for medical assistance to take care of the freshly injured IBA, instead of pulling out a gun and shooting the unarmed man in the kneecaps. Before the medics can take him away, grass grows out of the ground and pulls him to safety. The medics call them "Devil [[Trolls]]".

Meanwhile, Sonichu arrives where Rosechu is, unconscious (actually ASLEEP, since there are Z's coming from her) and in the grips of the Punislav. In front of him are [[Eggman]], [[Reldnahc]] and [[Giovanni]], who promise her safety if Sonichu listens to their demands. The demands are simple: pledge undying loyalty to Giovanni and make Reldnahc the mayor of CWCVille (probably a callback to Bluespike forcing Chris to make BILLY MAYS mayor) or Rosechu dies. When Sonichu refuses, Giovanni makes Sonichu wonder what was more important - Rosechu or the city? Sadly, as Chris likes to have his cake and eat it, too, so does Sonichu as a basketball smashes into Giovanni and something cuts Rosechu free (and apparently hits in behind her knees as well!)

As Rosechu falls, Sonichu races and catches the ENTIRE HAND, slams it down and goes to Rosechu's side. As Rosechu comes to, Sonichu fucking text walls the entire past 5 pages before Rosechu shuts him up and asks who freed her. Their rescuers appear in the form of [[Bionic]] and [[Darkbind]], who text wall about what they were doing before they had to save their sorry butts. Reldnahc comes to and gets revenge on Bionic by launching a Poké Ball at Bionic, smacking him upside the head in revenge over his defeat back in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and releasing a [[Pokémon|Nidoking]] to defeat him. Nidoking charges at Bionic planning to crush him up against a tree before Sonichu kicks mud in the Pokémon's face with Mud Slap, blinding it. Bionic then proceeds to curbstomp it with some fighting moves, causing it to faint. Reldnahc recalls the fallen Pokémon and proceeds to utter some stupid phrase and fires a purple ball, a so-called [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse of Embarrassment]], on Bionic, who catches it, spins it around and launches it back at Reldnahc, causing him to piss and [[shit]] on himself. His shit literally shoots out behind him, even though he's wearing pants. Apparently there's some kind of flap back there for easy access. Reldnahc teleports away in shame and Giovanni escapes in Robotnik's vehicle.

After a brief moment of finally finding out what happened between Magi-Chan and Silvana (Magi-Chan won using some odd attack, forcing Silvana to retreat as well), we come back to see Megagi cheering for Bionic (in a cheerleader's outfit, no less) before the gang is recalled back to the CWCVille Mall.

As Sonichu and Rosechu race back to the CWCVille Mall, passing by the laughable Kart Megazord, Magi-Chan gives the two a rundown of what's happened: the other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon have cleaned up most of the Jerkop invasion, with a number of them dying (the Jerkops, not the Pokémon); the Autobots have swept up the last of the Decepticlones and are having them shipped away for recycling; the CWC-Power Rangers used their Kart Megazord to defeat an enlarged [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] and return them to normal size; the police have taken a few casualties, the volunteers are exhausted and Slaweel is closing in on the mall. Even worse, there are two other casualties - [[Ivy]] and BILLY MAYS: Ivy was trapped in an elevator when its floor gave way and got her neck tangled in the wires. BILLY MAYS tried to break her fall, but when she got tangled he slipped and fell attempting to free her.

Let's have a recap on the deaths here: sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] is burnt to death, sweetheart [[Ivy]] is strangled and BILLY MAYS falls several stories only to show up the next issue completely fine.

[[Image:Dirty trick.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon prevents Slaweel from falling to her death after Sonichu knocks her off her broom. To Christian, this constitutes a "[[Sandy Rosechu|dirty trick]]".]]

Back at the CWCVille Mall, Slaweel arrives and proceeds to destroy the barrier with a stupid spell. Sonichu stops her by taking away her broom. Slaweel falls, only to be saved by Graduon, who places a floor grid in the sky, then destroys the broom. Slaweel challenges Sonichu and the battle begins with Rosechu worried (or possibly needing to go to the bathroom). Slaweel strikes with her pitchfork, then fires a bunch of purple orbs, Sonichu dodging all of them. Sonichu counters with some sort of shot, knocking away her pitchfork, then proceeding to spin attack her. Slaweel raises up a barrier to block the attack, but Sonichu SOMEHOW shatters it with a Flash Kick (a la Guile), knocking Slaweel off the platform. She catches herself, but Graduon refuses to aid her and escapes. She slips and falls, only for Sonichu to save her at the last moment. Slaweel tires of the fight and has Graduon get her out of there, with the being vowing that Slaweel will die one day. At the mall, we find out that Rosechu saved Sonichu when he fell and she asks why he didn't kill her. Sonichu says that, as a hero, he couldn't let her die and that only Chris is allowed to land [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|the final blow]]. With that, Sonichu declares that they need to clean up the city and get [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|the children]] back to watch [[Mary Poppins]] and [[Chris and death|not mourn those who died]].

In the Epilogue, we see Magi-Chan and Wild Sonichu finding the [[Time Void]] in which Chris was trapped. With Wild's help, Chris is pulled free. Fifteen minutes later, Sonichu bids farewell to Wild, telling him of what he needs to do. In the final page, Chris declares that this issue will be the last to feature himself and everything related to him for now on. This, of course, turns out to be untrue as Chris is featured prominently in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] and a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|later phone call]] with [[Alec Benson Leary]] shows Chris only intends to make "less appearances."

Way to keep a promise, Chris.
{{-}}
===Improved version===
<center>
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu - Motion Storyboard! Episode 20: CWC-Defense Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x-chzhoeSos}}
| Stardate = November 19, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu 9]]
| Video Type = Animated Film
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu - Motion Storyboard! Episode 20: CWC-Defense Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|C8RTqr5QoKc}}
| Stardate = December 12, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu 9]]
| Video Type = Animated Film
}}
</center>

==Extras==
[[File:MarriedWithChildren.png|thumb|Turns out they haven't been living in sin.]]
The comic ends, as most of Chris's comics do, with a few bonus pages. The first of these pages is simply the cover of ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' for the PS2, which is kind of odd considering he'd been playing the [[PS3]] for two years when this issue was published. The next page is some sort of PSA that Sonichu and Rosechu got married in [[2006]], but kept it a secret from everybody for three years for no reason at all. This image also features their three abominable [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|kids]] who are equal parts disgusting and stupid. The issue wraps up with Chris displaying his knowledge of [[CADD]] (or lack thereof) with horrible diagrams of [[Wild]] and [[Simonla]]'s homes, and a full-size scan of the caricature Chris used on the billboard earlier in the book. Unsurprisingly, the art is of a much higher caliber than [[Chris and art|anything]] that Chris could create.
{{-}}

==External links==
* Episode 19 [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_1 Comic]
* Episode 20 [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_32 Comic]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 8

2010-11-22T22:23:57Z

Cows: /* Episode 18: Prologue */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #8
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu8.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 20 August 2008
| finishedcomic = 1 January 2009
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 17-18
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
| next = [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]
}}{{Honest}} 

'''''Sonichu'' #8''' is the ninth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. Based on the cover, this was originally planned as a [[Rosechu]] Spring Break special, featuring both [[Blanca Weiss]] and her character [[Jiggliami]] as introduced in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. However, by August [[2008]], Chris's focus was entirely on the [[trolls]], and that greatly altered the shape of this issue.

Chris unveiled Episode 17 in September [[2008]] without having first completed the entire issue, in a break from the established tradition. Rather than featuring a Spring Break story, Episode 17 presents a story of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] fucking until they discover ''slanderous mislabelings'' on a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], whereupon [[Rosechu]] poses for nude photos of herself to prove that she doesn't have a penis. When Sonichu and Rosechu visit the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters to confront the trolls, they are accosted by uncounted lurid images before meeting the wicked [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Howell refuses their demands and kicks Sonichu's ass easily; then Rosechu strips nude for the third time and shoves her cunt in Howell's face. The purpose of this story is unclear beyond Chris's need to express his incomprehensible feelings about the world around him.

In the end, the long-awaited Spring Break story would appear as Episode 18, although it would not be completed for several more months following [[Blanca]]'s betrayal of Chris, his subsequent depression, and the massive distraction provided by playing ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Chris would not return to work on the comic until he was told of a boy named [[Ryan Cash]] who, despairing of ever seeing his beloved ''Sonichu'' comics again, committed suicide. Ryan's tragic story, and the sadness of his mourning brother [[Clyde Cash]], prompted Chris to redouble his efforts, and Rosechu finally got to go on Spring Break in the dead of winter. (Fun fact: Chris has never gone on Spring Break, has no interest in any of the activities that go on during Spring Break (with the exception of sex), and will never actually know what it's like.)

''Sonichu'' #8 proved to be highly controversial, primarily due to the hardcore sex scenes between Sonichu and Rosechu, who had previously been described as being 16 and 15, respectively. Chris rushed to include scenes in this issue that would firmly establish both characters as being of legal age to avoid accusations of child pornography.

==Development==
A few months prior to episode 18, several plot points were leaked in [[Chris Sex Logs|audio conversations]] Chris had with his then-sweetheart.
{{-}}
==Public Service Announcement==
Before the prologue, Chris has a disclaimer where [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] explain the morals of safe sex education. A horrifying sex scene was cut out.

[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|right|thumb|The disclaimer, as it appeared originally.]]

==Episode 17: Prologue==
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_1 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}}''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P1.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPMu06016Sc ''Episode 17''}}

The story opens with random proclamations from Chris:

*Sonichu turned 19 on March 17, [[2007]].
*Rosechu turned 18 on December 22, [[2006]].
*As of November 3, 2007, the pair have been living in a house in the suburbs of [[CWCville]]. The house has been fully paid for with [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]] (although new Mayor [[BILLY MAYS]] may revise this item in the CWCville budget to fund smoking and drinking laws.).

Worth noting is that Sonichu and Rosechu's house is yellow and pink, just like its occupants.

Inside, Sonichu shows off his bare ass to the reader, while Rosechu emerges from the bathroom in pink lingerie. The pair engage in disgusting pre-coital banter, which may even be post-coital, since Rosechu suggests they just got done showering together. We also learn that Sonichu has a seven-inch (18 cm) cock, and requires "double-extra length" condoms for safe sex.

The two filthy, subhuman monsters engage in what they call "Missionary Cowgirl", apparently unaware that these are two completely different sexual positions. Sonichu responds by saying, "I think I can hotshot. Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'." (The slot line is [[Things Chris has ripped off|borrowed]] from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.)

In an illusory moment of mercy, Chris interrupts the action to discuss the nature of Sonichu and Rosechu's reproductive organs. In fact, the reader is subjected to a new kind of horror, as Chris clumsily attempts to explain how naked cartoon characters can have tits and balls. For the most part, Sonichu/Rosechu biology is a sick parody of human anatomy, with the following key distinctions:

*A Rosechu's vagina or "[[china]]" is normally hidden from view by some hideous flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|psych-up]]" attack.
*[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage". This would mean that Rosechus can only nurse their young when horny.
*Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a human uterus.
*A [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]'s penis and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This presumably means Sonichu must be erect in order to urinate.
*Sex may be painful for Rosechu the first time, even causing her to bleed from her hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage."
*Sexually transmitted diseases are unheard of in the Sonichu/Rosechu population, which makes sense, given that there's fewer than twenty of the little freaks, and most of them were created abiogenetically.
*If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months," after which the Rosechu deposits an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant [[Sonee]] or [[Rosey]] hatches. This reveals that all Rosechus are [[Wikipedia:monotremes|monotremes]] (egg-laying mammals).
Chris also declares that "most" STIs can be treated and removed, although it is unclear if he is referring to human STIs or bug-eyed furfag STIs. He refers the readers to local libraries and the internet for more information, and then returns to the hideous yiffing scene in the Sonichu household.

Chris treats the readers to a cock-eye view of Sonichu's penis falling out of his pelvis. As they 69 each other, Rosechu emits disgusting blue fumes from her ungodly orifice, which Sonichu appears to savor. Sonichu finally penetrates Rosechu with his sickening yellow member, and Chris depicts numerous scenes of past intercourse between the two wretched creatures. Grasping Rosechu's tail, Sonichu pounds away at Rosechu's gaping hole, until the two finally reach orgasm simultaneously.

==Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"==
{{Resources
| title = Rage Against the Garbage
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_8/Page_3 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}}''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P1.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPMu06016Sc ''Episode 17''}}
[[Image:Chris and Rule 34.jpg|thumb|300px|right|"[[Chris and art|They look so life-like.]]"]]
Twelve hours later, Sonichu seeks out even more putrid beast-sex from his sow, but Rosechu is too engrossed in her discovery of a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], which slanders the good names of not only Sonichu and Rosechu, but their father [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] as well. Rosechu shows Sonichu various drawings of them and their friends (in fact, the [[Rule 34]] images Chris himself uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]), and Sonichu mistakes them for photographs.

Rosechu goes on to show him the "apex" of the site, referring to numerous drawings of herself with male genitalia. Overcome with nausea, Sonichu vomits. Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality, Sonichu insists that Rosechu is female, and cites her photoshoot in ''PokéBoy'' magazine as proof of her gender. Thinking that the dickgirl pictures were created by mistake rather than malice, Sonichu suggests they "prove" Rosechu's womanhood to 4-cent_garbage.com's staff in person. He nearly faints with weakness, and Rosechu puts him to bed to sleep off the trauma of seeing cartoon penises on the internet.

Incensed, Rosechu decides to retaliate by producing her own amateur photoshoot and uploading it to [[4-cent_garbage.com]] to balance out the dickgirl artwork. Her efforts are fruitless, however, as even more Rosechu-with-penis drawings are uploaded all the time. Rosechu decides to consult [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for help.

At 1:45 that afternoon, Sonichu, Rosechu, and [[Wild Sonichu]] are teleported to the 4-cent_garbage.com Building in Clarksville, Tennessee, courtesy of [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]. While Rosechu seeks to confront the [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head of the company]] and protest the website, Wild has been tasked with locating one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], which Magi-Chan detected inside (likely in some feeble attempt to tie this story into the overall plot). While Sonichu contacted the mysterious head of the company to make their appointment, the only name given was "Jason." In a pathetic attempt at subtlety, Chris depicts [[Thurston Howell III]] and his wife walking down the street to hint at Jason's full name.

For no reason whatsoever, Wild expounds upon his childhood, telling some shitty story about how his father, a [[Scyther]], was captured by poachers in the jungle. He makes clear that he intends to avenge his father's death, even though he hasn't done a damn thing about it since the comic started. Wild turns invisible (a skill he learned from a Porygon), and slips into the building.

Sonichu and Rosechu enter through the main door, and find a [[Beel|demonic receptionist]] in the hellish atrium of the building. He rudely directs Sonichu to the seventy-second floor (66+6). In the elevator, Sonichu angrily whines about the receptionist, until Rosechu reminds him of the [[story of Joseph]], and its moral of forgiveness.

===The elevator gags===
[[Image:SchuRchuReactions1.jpg|thumb|Planning? In MY ''Sonichu''? It's less likely than you think.]]
{{quote|You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough. |Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in ''Sonichu'' #8}}

As Sonichu and his pink cum-dumpster ascend the building in the elevator, Chris attempts to employ some of his trademark [[random-access humor]], by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at each floor to look at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever they see, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not.

*2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent_garbage.com employees passing out drunk at their workstations. When the second shift comes to relieve the first, they begin drinking "[[Alcohol|REEB]]" while the first shifters lay unconscious on the floor.
*3rd floor: [[Pedofork|Pedobear]] in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
*4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Sonicrocksmysocks| Sonicrocksmysocks]", from the ED article of the same name.
*7th floor: A 4-cent_garbage.com employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
*8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent_garbage.com employee working on a picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
*9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu sucking Rosechu's penis.
*10th floor: Chris emerges from the [[Time Void]] to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
*11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Branca Branca], a batshit insane fan of the animated band Gorillaz.
*12th floor: Fan art of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu naively wonders when he became so popular.
*13th floor: Female versions of [[Sonic]], Knuckles, and Tails. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
*14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
*21st floor: [[Wikipedia:The Bathers (Cézanne)|''Les Grandes Baigneuses'']] an 1887 painting by [[Wikipedia:Paul Cézanne|Paul Cézanne]]. The image has been edited with captions, referencing the "Branca" article on ED.
*22nd floor: ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
*23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asscheeks, as if for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's ''[[Pokémon]]'' article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
*24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
*33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's ''[[Transformers]]'' page.
*34th floor: [[Sonic]]/[[Amy Rose]] Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position very similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu at the beginning of the story.
*35th floor: Nude artwork of [[Amy Rose]], Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Bunny. Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
*36th floor: Strip poker game featuring various female characters from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. The image has been adapted into a parody of a ''Magic: The Gathering'' Card.
*51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton, looking on while [[Barack Obama]] paints the wall black. [[George W. Bush]] cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father [[Bob Chandler]] came up with this "joke."
*61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from ''Animaniacs''.
*62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from ''[[Family Guy]]''.
*63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Starmie, from ''[[Pokémon]]''. Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
*69th floor: Image of "[[Hex Box|XBOX 360-ko]]", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the XBox 360. As the following floor features an XBOX360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women.
*70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an Xbox 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women.
*71st floor: PS3 message congratulating whoever murdered the HEXBox. It states that you may "now play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single XBox somehow interfered with such activity.

===The Clarksville Address===

On the thirty-sixth floor, Wild finds a Sonichu ball in an empty room. Holding both of his Balls somehow prevents Wild from using his invisibility power, or contacting [[Magi-Chan]] for extraction. Wild is left with no choice but to sneak out of the building on his own, which really isn't that big a deal, seeing as there are only three people in the whole place anyway.

On the seventy-second floor, Sonichu and Rosechu confront Jason, who introduces himself as a 20-year-old [[troll]], and his companion [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] as his "minory 17-year old woman," with whom everything he does is "illegal in these 50 states". When he bids the Electric Hedgehogs to state their case, Sonichu delivers a moving speech:

{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring Sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s name in the mud, you also drag the [[America]]n hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxymoron great, humble] United States of America along with him. You've had your laughs, but ask yourself, is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders that drags the names of the good people within this country that was founded with love and peace within it that those before us have fought valently to withold, that I was born and raised under the old glory that is the red, white and blue. In my humble answer, I say nay! What is your answer, Mister, Howell?|Sonichu, delivering the Clarksville Address}}

{{quote|I'd say, you are a sap. I am a [[troll]] with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance. The page will stay up; this meeting is over!|Jason Kendrick Howell, speaking for us all}}

Enraged, Sonichu attacks Jason, but is no match for his awesome powers. Rosechu elects to withdraw, preferring to forgive Jason since there is no reasoning with him. The two leave with their arms around each other, and Chris interrupts the story to pointlessly explain how the two crimes against nature can touch each other's spiny backs without injury.

Adding insult to injury, Jason tosses a [[pickle]] at Rosechu, striking her on the back of the head. Pushed to the breaking point, Rosechu crushes the pickle, strips nude, and leaps into the air to attack Jason.
[[Image:Rosechustrips1.png|thumb]]
{{quote|I am the power. I am the warrior. I am the almighty woman! True to all of my gender, I will overpower any evil or good man who defies us, and make hum succumb to our will. I have the almighty uterus; that makes me strong and superpowerful enough to protect the loved ones within me, until they emerge to their glorious birth. By my ferocious will, I shall punish he who has defiled my people with the worst unnatural addition ever by this one's heinous hand!|Rosechu's thoughts, apparently influenced by PCP.}}

[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|200px|right|"What a show!"]]
With ferocious roars, Rosechu lands pelvis-first on Jason's head, and wraps her tail and legs around his body, SHOVING his face up her [[China|vagina]]. With sadistic glee, she claws open his head and bites down on the wound, then unleashes a powerful burst of electrical power. Sonichu even says she "had him going." Pervert. Though dark forces somehow sustain Jason's life, he admits that the attack would have otherwise been fatal. Exhausted, Rosechu gathers her clothes, and leaves with Sonichu. While he is impressed with her display of raw fury, Rosechu is horrified at her primal rage, and makes some mention that she "transformed" into "some monster," expressing concern that "this thing" won't overtake her again. If Sonichu were a better comic, this might be interpreted as foreshadowing, but since it's Chris, there is a 99.9% chance that this will never be mentioned again.

Outside, the three Hedgehogs reunite, and [[Magi-Chan]] teleports them back to [[CWCville]].

==Episode 17: Epilogue==

Later, Rosechu hosts a gathering of other Rosechus to protest [[4-cent_garbage.com]] and uphold [[Women's Rights]] by producing pornographic photoshoots. In addition to [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], and [[Lolisa]], the group is joined by [[Simonla Rosechu]], who supplies the backdrops for the shoot and volunteers her services as a model. The group is also joined by [[Zapina Rosechu]], a fourteen-year-old loli who desperately wants to [[pedofork|"volunteer her services of cuteness"]] to the project and join in the strippin' fun. Citing "the dumb laws<ref>While many argue that Chris is referring to "dumb laws" against child pornography, it is plausible he's referring to "dumb" child labor laws which would prohibit Zapina from participating in setting up lights, cameras, etc. for the photo shoot. In any case, Chris thinks it's "dumb" that a fourteen-year-old can't work, sexually or otherwise.</ref>", Rosechu refuses her help, but Lolisa offers to supervise Zapina as she uses the light from her mutant ass to illuminate the photoshoot.

==Episode 18: Prologue==
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_60 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}}''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBk_MebLB0k ''Episode 18''}}
[[Image:LikeFatherLikeSon.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu squeezes and kisses Rosechu and leaves her feeling [[Megan|extremely uncomfortable]]. Like [[Christian Weston Chandler|father]], like son!]]
Apparently ''still'' concerned that someone will accuse him of being a [[Pedofork]], Chris establishes ''yet again'' that his characters are of legal age, this time by actually showing the birthday parties held for most of the main cast since Episode 17. Rosechu turns 19 on December 22, 2007. The [[Chaotic Combo]] turn 19 on February 2, 2008. Sonichu turns 20 on March 17, 2008.

Finally, [[Black Sonichu]] celebrates his birthday in a private get-together with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Blake disputes that he even has a birthday, since he was cloned from Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]] (and thus not born of a Rosechu's uterus, which is stupid because every other Soni/Rosechu were just shat out of a rainbow anyway). Bubbles, however, insists that he is a 20-year-old "starting straight with a 2-year old body". Bubbles asks Blake what he wished for and he says "It's already come true", where Chris is either butchering the classic teen film "Sixteen Candles" or the Family Guy parody of it. The two kiss, and Black Sonichu agrees to rendezvous with Bubbles at the CWCville Spring Break Concert on March 22.

Chris introduces Spring Break by ripping off a gag from a ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode, wherein Meg Griffin tries to ignore Spring Break by flipping channels, only to find that every station is covering Spring Break, including the news. Chris repeats the joke almost verbatim, except he [[fail]]s to include anyone actually watching the television, thus undermining the premise. The scene is best remembered for the appearance of ''[[Excel-Saga|FQX]]'' newswoman Greta Squall, a hideously deformed woman with club-like arms and scars on her face which look like the numeral "2".

==Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008!"==
{{Resources
| title = Spring Break, 2008!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_66 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}}''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBk_MebLB0k ''Episode 18''}}
The story proper opens with [[KCWC]] DJs [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] covering the event.

{{quote|We have a lot of great events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor, Mr. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] that [[CWCville]] is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or somkey! We've got coolers and kegs full of our famously delicious [[CWC-Cola]], Diet CWC-Cola, Lemonade, Grape and Orange Soda, compliments of our local CWC-Cola Bottling Company, founded and opened proudly in 1985; three years after CWCville was founded by our mayor's father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] You can enter to win a 40-inch Sony HD-TV from Cwick-Circuit City, or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept. Also tonight, our rising star, [[Jiggliami]] will be singing her debut single, "War of Love" on the concert stage here at CWCville Beach. So stay tuned to CWCville, [[Virginia]]'s number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more!|Jamsta Sonichu, desperately craving nicotine and liquor}}

Almost immediately, Lolisa excuses herself to take a swim.

On the stage, Jiggliami and [[Blanca]] eagerly await their performance. As in their appearance in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], both of them babble incoherently about their music. Blanca maintains that she will wait for Chris to return from the time void — ironic, since Blanca had betrayed Chris long before this episode was uploaded to the internet.

On the beach, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy themselves. Like Franklin from [[Wikipedia:Peanuts|''Peanuts'']], characters with suntans are depicted with vertical lines for shading. When Chris does it, though, it just looks like the characters are shaking uncontrollably, teleporting, or just soaked with [[comeuppance|jizz]]. While Sonichu heads off to surf, the Rosechus lie on the beach.

For no good reason, Bubbles explains that she has no need for sunscreen, because she is incapable of tanning and impervious to sunburn. This has something to do with her being a Water-type Pokémon, her body being composed of 90% water (which would be rather unstable in the first place), and her fur being capable of adapting itself to her surroundings. This would beg the question of how ''any'' Electric Hedgehog Pokémon can tan, being covered with fur as they are. Of course, in reality [[Honor roll|water does not have that effect on the ability to tan at all]].

The Rosechus notice a mysterious black Rosechu, and later catch up with [[Megagi]] and [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[PandaHalo]] make a cameo appearance as well.

Bubbles's sunbathing is interrupted when Magi-Chan contacts her to collect a Sonichu Ball from the ocean. Before she can get up to find the ball, Black Sonichu kicks sand on the girls. Rosechu threatens to attack him, but Bubbles offers to do it herself, and pretends to force Black Sonichu away from the others. While she and Blake seem determined to hide their relationship, Rosechu and Angelica secretly know the truth, and laugh at the transparency of Bubbles's ruse.

Chris incorporates a drawing of Sonichu surfing by PandaHalo, yet he manages to dick up the continuity by drawing in different colored water around the edges of the picture. Also, Sonichu wasn't wearing his shoes earlier, but Panda's drawing shows him wearing shoes.

Elsewhere on the beach, Bubbles tells Blake of her mission to find the Sonichu Ball, and they agree to meet at Pier 969 later for disgusting sex. Little do they know that the black Rosechu from before has eavesdropped on their conversation. As she transforms into a duplicate of Bubbles, Chris introduces her as [[Silvana Rosechu]] and explains that hers was the ''sixth'' egg that emerged from the [[Rainbow]] along with the five eggs that became the Chaotic Combo. Silvana's egg wound up on the Earth's moon, where [[Count Graduon]] somehow made telepathic contact with her in [[1980s#1989|1989]]. As Mewtwo mentored the infant Magi-Chan Sonichu, so did Graduon raise Silvana. In addition to training her in the ways of evil, Graduon "upgraded" Silvana to have both male and female genitalia, and enabled her to change her shape.

In the Atlantic Ocean, Bubbles searches for the Sonichu Ball, passing by fan-favorite character [[Yawning Squirtle]], among other crappily drawn Pokémon who sing the song "Under the Sea" from ''[[Things_Chris_has_ripped_off|The Little Mermaid]]'', yet another thing Chris has ripped off.

The Ball is claimed to be 5 miles (8 km) out to sea and 2,000-5,000 fathoms (2.3 - 5.7 mi / 3,700 - 9,100 meters) below the surface, which is impossibly deep for Bubbles to dive (the deepest point of the ocean is 6.8 mi / 10,900 meters). It's likely that Chris used "fathom" (6 feet / 183 cm) as a measurement of depth without bothering to find out how big a fathom was.

Meanwhile, Black Sonichu buys condoms in anticipation of the nasty, dirty animal sex he intends to share with his revolting mate. Silvana, posing as Bubbles, meets him, and convinces him not to wear a condom. Blake agrees, never suspecting Silvana's power to ejaculate a "paralyzing sleep solution" during intercourse. At Pier 969, Blake humps the foul creature, never suspecting that cock is ramming up against Silvana's own penis, which is perhaps withdrawn inside hir vagina. Blake passes out from the effects of Silvana's cum, and she teleports him to a closet in the CWCville Beach stage. From there, she returns to Pier 969 disguised as Black Sonichu, and lays the same trap for Bubbles. What she had actually intended to ''do'' after systematically seducing and subduing the various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|recolors]] is never elaborated upon.

Before Bubbles goes to the pier, she hands off the Sonichu Ball to Angelica to ferry back to [[CWCville Mall]]. As she flies off, [[Punchy]] and Wild discuss their sex lives. Punchy wants to bang Angelica, and Wild seems uncertain what to do about his own loneliness. The two resolve to enroll in a Dating Education course offered at CWCville University, thus setting up the [[Sonichu 9|next shitty issue]].
[[File:BubblesXSilvana.jpg|thumb|Silvana's eventual goal.]]
At Pier 969, Bubbles meets Silvana, but before she can present her hindquarters for vomit-inducing copulation, she receives a telepathic message from Magi-Chan, warning her of the impostor. Why Magi-Chan knows the difference, and why he didn't warn Black Sonichu of the same thing, is left to the reader's imagination. Bubbles is skeptical at first, but Jiggliami calls to inform her that she has discovered Black Sonichu in the stage closet. When Black Sonichu himself warns her of the danger, the stupid bitch finally begins to put two and two together. Bubbles exposes Silvana by asking her to attack her with Black Sonichu's electrical powers. Despite the fact that Transform grants the user the ability to mimic all moves known by the target, Silvana instead opts to use her own psychic attack to simulate Blake's power, but Bubbles knows the difference. Silvana reveals herself, and teleports away before Bubbles can avenge Blake's manhood. Horrified, she returns to Blake's side to comfort him.

That night, Jiggliami finally performs the damned song Chris had been promoting for four months. Chris credits Blanca Weiss for composing the lyrics on August 20, 2008, which contradicts the premise of Jiggliami performing the same song on March 22, 2008. Also, the song, "War of Love", makes no sense whatsoever, and resembles the sort of crap Chris writes all the time.

As an epilogue of sorts, Chris establishes that Blanca found "her boyfriend" and returned to her home state of Kentucky, despite previously establishing that she intended to wait for Chris to return from the time void. Acknowledging his own personal life, Chris briefly discusses the three [[Trolls|women]] he was involved with during the fall of 2008. Chris claims to have been uncertain about which one to pursue, and credits God and Jesus for eliminating two of them by having [[Optimus Prime]] kill [[Sarah Jackson]], and revealing the second to be in alliance with the trolls. Presumably, this is meant to refer to Blanca, even though Chris has depicted her as his girlfriend in this very story. The third woman, [[PandaHalo]], Chris declares to be his True Sweetheart, and the person he would promise his [[sex|first time]] to, although he would abandon her for dead within two months.

In a small note on the last page, Chris acknowledges the suicide of [[Ryan Cash]], and admits a modicum of responsibility for his death.

==Alternate versions==

When originally uploaded to [[Sonichu.net]], Chris offered multiple versions of the Episode 17, depending on which link the reader selected. These were based upon the ratings system used for television content.

[[Image:TVMA.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-MA''': The uncut version of the comic. It was quickly unlinked from the site; however, all files still remained available.
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TV14.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-14''': A censored version of the above comic. Mostly, this is accomplished by Chris putting photographs of bananas over Sonichu's dick, an orange over Rosechu's vagina, and blue stars on her nipples. Other objects are used throughout the issue to conceal nude pictures Chris took from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. These lousy edits can be seen [http://www.mediafire.com/?tt0s91mnmez here]
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TVY7.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-Y7''': A version which omitted many pages of the original story. Chris appears to have created "Rage Against the Garbage" with these edits in mind, as the TV-Y7 pages are numbered normally, while the pages featuring nudity and sex were lettered (e.g. page 19-A, 19-B, etc.). As the sexual content in the story was gratuitous and pointless in the first place, removing it did little to harm the quality of the work, except that the plot is significantly altered. Since Rosechu's faceraping of Jason had to be removed, the TV-Y7 version implies that Sonichu and Rosechu left peacefully, never to revisit the matter again.

Chris would rearrange the content in the TV-14 version numerous times before finally settling on a single version of the story, with most of the nudity removed and Rosechu's facerape attack left in. The hedgehog porn was reportedly removed at the request of his parents, and Chris would later add a message to his site stating his solemn vow to never again depict his characters engaged in sexual activity. This promise was soon broken when Chris created [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]] and snuck all of the deleted scenes there.

===The uncensored scenes===

By popular demand, here are the uncensored images from ''Sonichu'' #8, including the ones from Episode 17's prologue that now appear on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology CWCipedia's 'Biology' page underneath 'Reproductive Biology of Sonichu and Rosechu']. Enjoy [[mass debating|fapping]] to these, you sick fucks.

{{collapsible
|Uncensored images from Sonichu 8 (abandon hope all ye who enter here)
|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:SchuComic9Page1-B.jpg
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Image:SchuComic9Page5-B.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page5-C.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page19-A.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page19-B.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page32-E.jpg
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</gallery>}}

==Links==

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCjgNF0NTwQ Examining Sonichu & Rosechu Audiobook]

==Sauces and Notes==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 8

2010-11-22T22:21:55Z

Cows: /* Episode 17: Prologue */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #8
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu8.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 20 August 2008
| finishedcomic = 1 January 2009
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 17-18
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
| next = [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]
}}{{Honest}} 

'''''Sonichu'' #8''' is the ninth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. Based on the cover, this was originally planned as a [[Rosechu]] Spring Break special, featuring both [[Blanca Weiss]] and her character [[Jiggliami]] as introduced in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. However, by August [[2008]], Chris's focus was entirely on the [[trolls]], and that greatly altered the shape of this issue.

Chris unveiled Episode 17 in September [[2008]] without having first completed the entire issue, in a break from the established tradition. Rather than featuring a Spring Break story, Episode 17 presents a story of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] fucking until they discover ''slanderous mislabelings'' on a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], whereupon [[Rosechu]] poses for nude photos of herself to prove that she doesn't have a penis. When Sonichu and Rosechu visit the 4-cent_garbage.com headquarters to confront the trolls, they are accosted by uncounted lurid images before meeting the wicked [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Howell refuses their demands and kicks Sonichu's ass easily; then Rosechu strips nude for the third time and shoves her cunt in Howell's face. The purpose of this story is unclear beyond Chris's need to express his incomprehensible feelings about the world around him.

In the end, the long-awaited Spring Break story would appear as Episode 18, although it would not be completed for several more months following [[Blanca]]'s betrayal of Chris, his subsequent depression, and the massive distraction provided by playing ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Chris would not return to work on the comic until he was told of a boy named [[Ryan Cash]] who, despairing of ever seeing his beloved ''Sonichu'' comics again, committed suicide. Ryan's tragic story, and the sadness of his mourning brother [[Clyde Cash]], prompted Chris to redouble his efforts, and Rosechu finally got to go on Spring Break in the dead of winter. (Fun fact: Chris has never gone on Spring Break, has no interest in any of the activities that go on during Spring Break (with the exception of sex), and will never actually know what it's like.)

''Sonichu'' #8 proved to be highly controversial, primarily due to the hardcore sex scenes between Sonichu and Rosechu, who had previously been described as being 16 and 15, respectively. Chris rushed to include scenes in this issue that would firmly establish both characters as being of legal age to avoid accusations of child pornography.

==Development==
A few months prior to episode 18, several plot points were leaked in [[Chris Sex Logs|audio conversations]] Chris had with his then-sweetheart.
{{-}}
==Public Service Announcement==
Before the prologue, Chris has a disclaimer where [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] explain the morals of safe sex education. A horrifying sex scene was cut out.

[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|right|thumb|The disclaimer, as it appeared originally.]]

==Episode 17: Prologue==
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_1 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}}''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P1.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPMu06016Sc ''Episode 17''}}

The story opens with random proclamations from Chris:

*Sonichu turned 19 on March 17, [[2007]].
*Rosechu turned 18 on December 22, [[2006]].
*As of November 3, 2007, the pair have been living in a house in the suburbs of [[CWCville]]. The house has been fully paid for with [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]] (although new Mayor [[BILLY MAYS]] may revise this item in the CWCville budget to fund smoking and drinking laws.).

Worth noting is that Sonichu and Rosechu's house is yellow and pink, just like its occupants.

Inside, Sonichu shows off his bare ass to the reader, while Rosechu emerges from the bathroom in pink lingerie. The pair engage in disgusting pre-coital banter, which may even be post-coital, since Rosechu suggests they just got done showering together. We also learn that Sonichu has a seven-inch (18 cm) cock, and requires "double-extra length" condoms for safe sex.

The two filthy, subhuman monsters engage in what they call "Missionary Cowgirl", apparently unaware that these are two completely different sexual positions. Sonichu responds by saying, "I think I can hotshot. Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'." (The slot line is [[Things Chris has ripped off|borrowed]] from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.)

In an illusory moment of mercy, Chris interrupts the action to discuss the nature of Sonichu and Rosechu's reproductive organs. In fact, the reader is subjected to a new kind of horror, as Chris clumsily attempts to explain how naked cartoon characters can have tits and balls. For the most part, Sonichu/Rosechu biology is a sick parody of human anatomy, with the following key distinctions:

*A Rosechu's vagina or "[[china]]" is normally hidden from view by some hideous flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|psych-up]]" attack.
*[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage". This would mean that Rosechus can only nurse their young when horny.
*Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a human uterus.
*A [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]'s penis and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This presumably means Sonichu must be erect in order to urinate.
*Sex may be painful for Rosechu the first time, even causing her to bleed from her hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage."
*Sexually transmitted diseases are unheard of in the Sonichu/Rosechu population, which makes sense, given that there's fewer than twenty of the little freaks, and most of them were created abiogenetically.
*If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months," after which the Rosechu deposits an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant [[Sonee]] or [[Rosey]] hatches. This reveals that all Rosechus are [[Wikipedia:monotremes|monotremes]] (egg-laying mammals).
Chris also declares that "most" STIs can be treated and removed, although it is unclear if he is referring to human STIs or bug-eyed furfag STIs. He refers the readers to local libraries and the internet for more information, and then returns to the hideous yiffing scene in the Sonichu household.

Chris treats the readers to a cock-eye view of Sonichu's penis falling out of his pelvis. As they 69 each other, Rosechu emits disgusting blue fumes from her ungodly orifice, which Sonichu appears to savor. Sonichu finally penetrates Rosechu with his sickening yellow member, and Chris depicts numerous scenes of past intercourse between the two wretched creatures. Grasping Rosechu's tail, Sonichu pounds away at Rosechu's gaping hole, until the two finally reach orgasm simultaneously.

==Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"==
{{Resources
| title = Rage Against the Garbage
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_8/Page_3 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}}''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P1.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPMu06016Sc ''Episode 17''}}
[[Image:Chris and Rule 34.jpg|thumb|300px|right|"[[Chris and art|They look so life-like.]]"]]
Twelve hours later, Sonichu seeks out even more putrid beast-sex from his sow, but Rosechu is too engrossed in her discovery of a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], which slanders the good names of not only Sonichu and Rosechu, but their father [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] as well. Rosechu shows Sonichu various drawings of them and their friends (in fact, the [[Rule 34]] images Chris himself uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]), and Sonichu mistakes them for photographs.

Rosechu goes on to show him the "apex" of the site, referring to numerous drawings of herself with male genitalia. Overcome with nausea, Sonichu vomits. Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality, Sonichu insists that Rosechu is female, and cites her photoshoot in ''PokéBoy'' magazine as proof of her gender. Thinking that the dickgirl pictures were created by mistake rather than malice, Sonichu suggests they "prove" Rosechu's womanhood to 4-cent_garbage.com's staff in person. He nearly faints with weakness, and Rosechu puts him to bed to sleep off the trauma of seeing cartoon penises on the internet.

Incensed, Rosechu decides to retaliate by producing her own amateur photoshoot and uploading it to [[4-cent_garbage.com]] to balance out the dickgirl artwork. Her efforts are fruitless, however, as even more Rosechu-with-penis drawings are uploaded all the time. Rosechu decides to consult [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for help.

At 1:45 that afternoon, Sonichu, Rosechu, and [[Wild Sonichu]] are teleported to the 4-cent_garbage.com Building in Clarksville, Tennessee, courtesy of [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]. While Rosechu seeks to confront the [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head of the company]] and protest the website, Wild has been tasked with locating one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], which Magi-Chan detected inside (likely in some feeble attempt to tie this story into the overall plot). While Sonichu contacted the mysterious head of the company to make their appointment, the only name given was "Jason." In a pathetic attempt at subtlety, Chris depicts [[Thurston Howell III]] and his wife walking down the street to hint at Jason's full name.

For no reason whatsoever, Wild expounds upon his childhood, telling some shitty story about how his father, a [[Scyther]], was captured by poachers in the jungle. He makes clear that he intends to avenge his father's death, even though he hasn't done a damn thing about it since the comic started. Wild turns invisible (a skill he learned from a Porygon), and slips into the building.

Sonichu and Rosechu enter through the main door, and find a [[Beel|demonic receptionist]] in the hellish atrium of the building. He rudely directs Sonichu to the seventy-second floor (66+6). In the elevator, Sonichu angrily whines about the receptionist, until Rosechu reminds him of the [[story of Joseph]], and its moral of forgiveness.

===The elevator gags===
[[Image:SchuRchuReactions1.jpg|thumb|Planning? In MY ''Sonichu''? It's less likely than you think.]]
{{quote|You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough. |Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in ''Sonichu'' #8}}

As Sonichu and his pink cum-dumpster ascend the building in the elevator, Chris attempts to employ some of his trademark [[random-access humor]], by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at each floor to look at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever they see, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not.

*2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent_garbage.com employees passing out drunk at their workstations. When the second shift comes to relieve the first, they begin drinking "[[Alcohol|REEB]]" while the first shifters lay unconscious on the floor.
*3rd floor: [[Pedofork|Pedobear]] in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
*4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Sonicrocksmysocks| Sonicrocksmysocks]", from the ED article of the same name.
*7th floor: A 4-cent_garbage.com employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
*8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent_garbage.com employee working on a picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
*9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu sucking Rosechu's penis.
*10th floor: Chris emerges from the [[Time Void]] to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
*11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Branca Branca], a batshit insane fan of the animated band Gorillaz.
*12th floor: Fan art of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu naively wonders when he became so popular.
*13th floor: Female versions of [[Sonic]], Knuckles, and Tails. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
*14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
*21st floor: [[Wikipedia:The Bathers (Cézanne)|''Les Grandes Baigneuses'']] an 1887 painting by [[Wikipedia:Paul Cézanne|Paul Cézanne]]. The image has been edited with captions, referencing the "Branca" article on ED.
*22nd floor: ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
*23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asscheeks, as if for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's ''[[Pokémon]]'' article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
*24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
*33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's ''[[Transformers]]'' page.
*34th floor: [[Sonic]]/[[Amy Rose]] Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position very similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu at the beginning of the story.
*35th floor: Nude artwork of [[Amy Rose]], Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Bunny. Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
*36th floor: Strip poker game featuring various female characters from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. The image has been adapted into a parody of a ''Magic: The Gathering'' Card.
*51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton, looking on while [[Barack Obama]] paints the wall black. [[George W. Bush]] cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father [[Bob Chandler]] came up with this "joke."
*61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from ''Animaniacs''.
*62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from ''[[Family Guy]]''.
*63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Starmie, from ''[[Pokémon]]''. Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
*69th floor: Image of "[[Hex Box|XBOX 360-ko]]", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the XBox 360. As the following floor features an XBOX360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women.
*70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an Xbox 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women.
*71st floor: PS3 message congratulating whoever murdered the HEXBox. It states that you may "now play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single XBox somehow interfered with such activity.

===The Clarksville Address===

On the thirty-sixth floor, Wild finds a Sonichu ball in an empty room. Holding both of his Balls somehow prevents Wild from using his invisibility power, or contacting [[Magi-Chan]] for extraction. Wild is left with no choice but to sneak out of the building on his own, which really isn't that big a deal, seeing as there are only three people in the whole place anyway.

On the seventy-second floor, Sonichu and Rosechu confront Jason, who introduces himself as a 20-year-old [[troll]], and his companion [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] as his "minory 17-year old woman," with whom everything he does is "illegal in these 50 states". When he bids the Electric Hedgehogs to state their case, Sonichu delivers a moving speech:

{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring Sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s name in the mud, you also drag the [[America]]n hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxymoron great, humble] United States of America along with him. You've had your laughs, but ask yourself, is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders that drags the names of the good people within this country that was founded with love and peace within it that those before us have fought valently to withold, that I was born and raised under the old glory that is the red, white and blue. In my humble answer, I say nay! What is your answer, Mister, Howell?|Sonichu, delivering the Clarksville Address}}

{{quote|I'd say, you are a sap. I am a [[troll]] with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance. The page will stay up; this meeting is over!|Jason Kendrick Howell, speaking for us all}}

Enraged, Sonichu attacks Jason, but is no match for his awesome powers. Rosechu elects to withdraw, preferring to forgive Jason since there is no reasoning with him. The two leave with their arms around each other, and Chris interrupts the story to pointlessly explain how the two crimes against nature can touch each other's spiny backs without injury.

Adding insult to injury, Jason tosses a [[pickle]] at Rosechu, striking her on the back of the head. Pushed to the breaking point, Rosechu crushes the pickle, strips nude, and leaps into the air to attack Jason.
[[Image:Rosechustrips1.png|thumb]]
{{quote|I am the power. I am the warrior. I am the almighty woman! True to all of my gender, I will overpower any evil or good man who defies us, and make hum succumb to our will. I have the almighty uterus; that makes me strong and superpowerful enough to protect the loved ones within me, until they emerge to their glorious birth. By my ferocious will, I shall punish he who has defiled my people with the worst unnatural addition ever by this one's heinous hand!|Rosechu's thoughts, apparently influenced by PCP.}}

[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|200px|right|"What a show!"]]
With ferocious roars, Rosechu lands pelvis-first on Jason's head, and wraps her tail and legs around his body, SHOVING his face up her [[China|vagina]]. With sadistic glee, she claws open his head and bites down on the wound, then unleashes a powerful burst of electrical power. Sonichu even says she "had him going." Pervert. Though dark forces somehow sustain Jason's life, he admits that the attack would have otherwise been fatal. Exhausted, Rosechu gathers her clothes, and leaves with Sonichu. While he is impressed with her display of raw fury, Rosechu is horrified at her primal rage, and makes some mention that she "transformed" into "some monster," expressing concern that "this thing" won't overtake her again. If Sonichu were a better comic, this might be interpreted as foreshadowing, but since it's Chris, there is a 99.9% chance that this will never be mentioned again.

Outside, the three Hedgehogs reunite, and [[Magi-Chan]] teleports them back to [[CWCville]].

==Episode 17: Epilogue==

Later, Rosechu hosts a gathering of other Rosechus to protest [[4-cent_garbage.com]] and uphold [[Women's Rights]] by producing pornographic photoshoots. In addition to [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], and [[Lolisa]], the group is joined by [[Simonla Rosechu]], who supplies the backdrops for the shoot and volunteers her services as a model. The group is also joined by [[Zapina Rosechu]], a fourteen-year-old loli who desperately wants to [[pedofork|"volunteer her services of cuteness"]] to the project and join in the strippin' fun. Citing "the dumb laws<ref>While many argue that Chris is referring to "dumb laws" against child pornography, it is plausible he's referring to "dumb" child labor laws which would prohibit Zapina from participating in setting up lights, cameras, etc. for the photo shoot. In any case, Chris thinks it's "dumb" that a fourteen-year-old can't work, sexually or otherwise.</ref>", Rosechu refuses her help, but Lolisa offers to supervise Zapina as she uses the light from her mutant ass to illuminate the photoshoot.

==Episode 18: Prologue==
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_60 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}}''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBk_MebLB0k ''Episode 18''}}
[[Image:LikeFatherLikeSon.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu squeezes and kisses Rosechu and leaves her feeling [[Megan|extremely uncomfortable]]. Like [[Christian Weston Chandler|father]], like son!]]
Apparently ''still'' concerned that someone will accuse him of being a [[Pedofork]], Chris establishes ''yet again'' that his characters are of legal age, this time by actually showing the birthday parties held for most of the main cast since Episode 17. Rosechu turns 19 on December 22, 2007. The [[Chaotic Combo]] turn 19 on February 2, 2008. Sonichu turns 20 on March 17, 2008.

Finally, [[Black Sonichu]] celebrates his birthday in a private get-together with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Blake disputes that he even has a birthday, since he was cloned from Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]] (and thus not born of a Rosechu's uterus, which is stupid because every other Soni/Rosechu were just shat out of a rainbow anyway). Bubbles, however, insists that he is a 20-year-old "starting straight with a 2-year old body". Bubbles asks Blake what he wished for and he says "It's already come true", where Chris is either butchering the classic teen film "Sixteen Candles" or the Family Guy parody of it. The two kiss, and Black Sonichu agrees to rendezvous with Bubbles at the CWCville Spring Break Concert on March 22.

Chris introduces Spring Break by ripping off a gag from a ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode, wherein Meg Griffin tries to ignore Spring Break by flipping channels, only to find that every station is covering Spring Break, including the news. Chris repeats the joke almost verbatim, except he [[fail]]s to include anyone actually watching the television, thus undermining the premise. The scene is best remembered for the appearance of ''[[Excel-Saga|FQX]]'' newswoman Greta Squall, a hideously deformed woman with club-like arms and scars on her face which look like the numeral "2".

==Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008!"==
{{Resources
| title = Spring Break, 2008!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_66 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}}''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBk_MebLB0k ''Episode 18''}}
The story proper opens with [[KCWC]] DJs [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] covering the event.

{{quote|We have a lot of great events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor, Mr. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] that [[CWCville]] is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or somkey! We've got coolers and kegs full of our famously delicious [[CWC-Cola]], Diet CWC-Cola, Lemonade, Grape and Orange Soda, compliments of our local CWC-Cola Bottling Company, founded and opened proudly in 1985; three years after CWCville was founded by our mayor's father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] You can enter to win a 40-inch Sony HD-TV from Cwick-Circuit City, or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept. Also tonight, our rising star, [[Jiggliami]] will be singing her debut single, "War of Love" on the concert stage here at CWCville Beach. So stay tuned to CWCville, [[Virginia]]'s number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more!|Jamsta Sonichu, desperately craving nicotine and liquor}}

Almost immediately, Lolisa excuses herself to take a swim.

On the stage, Jiggliami and [[Blanca]] eagerly await their performance. As in their appearance in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], both of them babble incoherently about their music. Blanca maintains that she will wait for Chris to return from the time void — ironic, since Blanca had betrayed Chris long before this episode was uploaded to the internet.

On the beach, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy themselves. Like Franklin from [[Wikipedia:Peanuts|''Peanuts'']], characters with suntans are depicted with vertical lines for shading. When Chris does it, though, it just looks like the characters are shaking uncontrollably, teleporting, or just soaked with [[comeuppance|jizz]]. While Sonichu heads off to surf, the Rosechus lie on the beach.

For no good reason, Bubbles explains that she has no need for sunscreen, because she is incapable of tanning and impervious to sunburn. This has something to do with her being a Water-type Pokémon, her body being composed of 90% water (which would be rather unstable in the first place), and her fur being capable of adapting itself to her surroundings. This would beg the question of how ''any'' Electric Hedgehog Pokémon can tan, being covered with fur as they are. Of course, in reality [[Honor roll|water does not have that effect on the ability to tan at all]].

The Rosechus notice a mysterious black Rosechu, and later catch up with [[Megagi]] and [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[PandaHalo]] make a cameo appearance as well.

Bubbles's sunbathing is interrupted when Magi-Chan contacts her to collect a Sonichu Ball from the ocean. Before she can get up to find the ball, Black Sonichu kicks sand on the girls. Rosechu threatens to attack him, but Bubbles offers to do it herself, and pretends to force Black Sonichu away from the others. While she and Blake seem determined to hide their relationship, Rosechu and Angelica secretly know the truth, and laugh at the transparency of Bubbles's ruse.

Chris incorporates a drawing of Sonichu surfing by PandaHalo, yet he manages to dick up the continuity by drawing in different colored water around the edges of the picture. Also, Sonichu wasn't wearing his shoes earlier, but Panda's drawing shows him wearing shoes.

Elsewhere on the beach, Bubbles tells Blake of her mission to find the Sonichu Ball, and they agree to meet at Pier 969 later for disgusting sex. Little do they know that the black Rosechu from before has eavesdropped on their conversation. As she transforms into a duplicate of Bubbles, Chris introduces her as [[Silvana Rosechu]] and explains that hers was the ''sixth'' egg that emerged from the [[Rainbow]] along with the five eggs that became the Chaotic Combo. Silvana's egg wound up on the Earth's moon, where [[Count Graduon]] somehow made telepathic contact with her in [[1980s#1989|1989]]. As Mewtwo mentored the infant Magi-Chan Sonichu, so did Graduon raise Silvana. In addition to training her in the ways of evil, Graduon "upgraded" Silvana to have both male and female genitalia, and enabled her to change her shape.

In the Atlantic Ocean, Bubbles searches for the Sonichu Ball, passing by fan-favorite character [[Yawning Squirtle]], among other crappily drawn Pokémon who sing the song "Under the Sea" from ''[[Things_Chris_has_ripped_off|The Little Mermaid]]'', yet another thing Chris has ripped off.

The Ball is claimed to be 5 miles (8 km) out to sea and 2,000-5,000 fathoms (2.3 - 5.7 mi / 3,700 - 9,100 meters) below the surface, which is impossibly deep for Bubbles to dive (the deepest point of the ocean is 6.8 mi / 10,900 meters). It's likely that Chris used "fathom" (6 feet / 183 cm) as a measurement of depth without bothering to find out how big a fathom was.

Meanwhile, Black Sonichu buys condoms in anticipation of the nasty, dirty animal sex he intends to share with his revolting mate. Silvana, posing as Bubbles, meets him, and convinces him not to wear a condom. Blake agrees, never suspecting Silvana's power to ejaculate a "paralyzing sleep solution" during intercourse. At Pier 969, Blake humps the foul creature, never suspecting that cock is ramming up against Silvana's own penis, which is perhaps withdrawn inside hir vagina. Blake passes out from the effects of Silvana's cum, and she teleports him to a closet in the CWCville Beach stage. From there, she returns to Pier 969 disguised as Black Sonichu, and lays the same trap for Bubbles. What she had actually intended to ''do'' after systematically seducing and subduing the various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|recolors]] is never elaborated upon.

Before Bubbles goes to the pier, she hands off the Sonichu Ball to Angelica to ferry back to [[CWCville Mall]]. As she flies off, [[Punchy]] and Wild discuss their sex lives. Punchy wants to bang Angelica, and Wild seems uncertain what to do about his own loneliness. The two resolve to enroll in a Dating Education course offered at CWCville University, thus setting up the [[Sonichu 9|next shitty issue]].
[[File:BubblesXSilvana.jpg|thumb|Silvana's eventual goal.]]
At Pier 969, Bubbles meets Silvana, but before she can present her hindquarters for vomit-inducing copulation, she receives a telepathic message from Magi-Chan, warning her of the impostor. Why Magi-Chan knows the difference, and why he didn't warn Black Sonichu of the same thing, is left to the reader's imagination. Bubbles is skeptical at first, but Jiggliami calls to inform her that she has discovered Black Sonichu in the stage closet. When Black Sonichu himself warns her of the danger, the stupid bitch finally begins to put two and two together. Bubbles exposes Silvana by asking her to attack her with Black Sonichu's electrical powers. Despite the fact that Transform grants the user the ability to mimic all moves known by the target, Silvana instead opts to use her own psychic attack to simulate Blake's power, but Bubbles knows the difference. Silvana reveals herself, and teleports away before Bubbles can avenge Blake's manhood. Horrified, she returns to Blake's side to comfort him.

That night, Jiggliami finally performs the damned song Chris had been promoting for four months. Chris credits Blanca Weiss for composing the lyrics on August 20, 2008, which contradicts the premise of Jiggliami performing the same song on March 22, 2008. Also, the song, "War of Love", makes no sense whatsoever, and resembles the sort of crap Chris writes all the time.

As an epilogue of sorts, Chris establishes that Blanca found "her boyfriend" and returned to her home state of Kentucky, despite previously establishing that she intended to wait for Chris to return from the time void. Acknowledging his own personal life, Chris briefly discusses the three [[Trolls|women]] he was involved with during the fall of 2008. Chris claims to have been uncertain about which one to pursue, and credits God and Jesus for eliminating two of them by having [[Optimus Prime]] kill [[Sarah Jackson]], and revealing the second to be in alliance with the trolls. Presumably, this is meant to refer to Blanca, even though Chris has depicted her as his girlfriend in this very story. The third woman, [[PandaHalo]], Chris declares to be his True Sweetheart, and the person he would promise his [[sex|first time]] to, although he would abandon her for dead within two months.

In a small note on the last page, Chris acknowledges the suicide of [[Ryan Cash]], and admits a modicum of responsibility for his death.

==Alternate versions==

When originally uploaded to [[Sonichu.net]], Chris offered multiple versions of the Episode 17, depending on which link the reader selected. These were based upon the ratings system used for television content.

[[Image:TVMA.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-MA''': The uncut version of the comic. It was quickly unlinked from the site; however, all files still remained available.
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TV14.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-14''': A censored version of the above comic. Mostly, this is accomplished by Chris putting photographs of bananas over Sonichu's dick, an orange over Rosechu's vagina, and blue stars on her nipples. Other objects are used throughout the issue to conceal nude pictures Chris took from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. These lousy edits can be seen [http://www.mediafire.com/?tt0s91mnmez here]
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TVY7.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-Y7''': A version which omitted many pages of the original story. Chris appears to have created "Rage Against the Garbage" with these edits in mind, as the TV-Y7 pages are numbered normally, while the pages featuring nudity and sex were lettered (e.g. page 19-A, 19-B, etc.). As the sexual content in the story was gratuitous and pointless in the first place, removing it did little to harm the quality of the work, except that the plot is significantly altered. Since Rosechu's faceraping of Jason had to be removed, the TV-Y7 version implies that Sonichu and Rosechu left peacefully, never to revisit the matter again.

Chris would rearrange the content in the TV-14 version numerous times before finally settling on a single version of the story, with most of the nudity removed and Rosechu's facerape attack left in. The hedgehog porn was reportedly removed at the request of his parents, and Chris would later add a message to his site stating his solemn vow to never again depict his characters engaged in sexual activity. This promise was soon broken when Chris created [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]] and snuck all of the deleted scenes there.

===The uncensored scenes===

By popular demand, here are the uncensored images from ''Sonichu'' #8, including the ones from Episode 17's prologue that now appear on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology CWCipedia's 'Biology' page underneath 'Reproductive Biology of Sonichu and Rosechu']. Enjoy [[mass debating|fapping]] to these, you sick fucks.

{{collapsible
|Uncensored images from Sonichu 8 (abandon hope all ye who enter here)
|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:SchuComic9Page1-B.jpg
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Image:SchuComic9Page1-H .jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page5-A.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page5-B.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page5-C.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page19-A.jpg
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Image:SchuComic9Page19-D.jpg
Image:SchuComic9Page32-E.jpg
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</gallery>}}

==Links==

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCjgNF0NTwQ Examining Sonichu & Rosechu Audiobook]

==Sauces and Notes==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 7

2010-11-22T22:21:02Z

Cows: /* Episode 16: "Time Hogs" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #7
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu Issue 7.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 5 March 2007
| finishedcomic = 20 August 2008
| pagecount = 49
| episodes = 15-16
| previous = [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]]
| next = [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]]
}}'''''Sonichu'' #7''' is the eighth issue of Christian's ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book. Although the cover was drawn in March [[2007]], most of it would not be completed until August [[2008]], well into Chris's conflict with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and months after his falling-out with [[Megan]]. This is the first issue of ''Sonichu'' to be directly affected by the influence of trolls. It is far from the last.

The ending of ''Sonichu'' #7 sets the stage for issues #8-10, as a mission into the past causes [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] to be stranded in "the [[Time Void]]" where he cannot directly intervene in the lives of his characters. Chris had by this time begun to feel he was becoming too intrusive in Sonichu's stories--possibly upon reading criticisms on [[ED]]--and wanted to remove himself as quickly as possible.

While Chris is trapped in the Time Void, Sonichu and Magi-Chan return to the present... that is, to 2 November [[2007]] when the events of this issue are set. Although Chris's comics were clearly never set in real time ([[Episode 14]] takes place immediately after [[Episode 13]], not months later when Chris drew it), this is the first open acknowledgment that at times the comic's timeframe can be weeks or months behind real time. This would become increasingly confusing as Chris would continue referring to dates in future issues, with events in the comics occurring a year or more before they were published. Indeed, during his stay in the time void the Chris of November 2007 experiences "future" visions of events such as ED's discovery of him and his heartbreak with Megan. Although ''Sonichu'' #7 sets up the storyline that [[PVCC]] plans to exploit Chris's absence with another invasion of [[CWCville]], Chris quickly loses interest in developing this idea in favor of another: [[4-cent_garbage.com]].

==Episode 15: "Time for a Ball"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title = Time for a Ball
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_1 ''Episode 15''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_15{{!}}''Episode 15''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic8P1.htm''Episode 15''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztfh6X_DEIw&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Episode 15''}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|Episode 15 features the most unrealistic depiction of Chris, as a tall, broad shouldered, handsome young man. Compare to the real hunched, fatty, double chinned Chris.]]
====Hey, guys! What's Da Update?====

Following the battle with [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] and [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]],return to the [[Manchester High School]] basketball court with [[Magi-Chan]], and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in search of the [[Sonichu Balls]]. There, [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] gushes about his new girlfriend, [[Megagi La Skunk]], who then shows up to take him out on their second date. Chris envies his fictional creation, until Megan holds his hand, which cheers him up enough to make stupid animu faces again while thinking creepy stalker thoughts.

Magi-Chan makes up some bullshit about how the [[Sonichu Balls]] are scattered throughout space and time, and that he can somehow pinpoint the missing ball if he can find the person it came into contact with. Worth noting is that Chris has yet to explain what the Sonichu Balls are, why they would help, or why they even came here to look for one.

Chris comes over to ask the Sonichus for [[da update]], and [[Magi-Chan]] somehow realizes that it was Chris who touched the Ball in the past. Magi-Chan reads Chris's mind, and somehow narrows down the exact date and time: 13 November [[1996]], 2:31:29 p.m. Coincidentally, this was the very moment that Chris created [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Chris confirms Magi-Chan's hypothesis, recalling that he thought he had been hit on the head with a basketball that day, but it must have been the Sonichu Ball from the future. Feeling self-conscious, Chris segues into a ''[[Family Guy]]''-style scene which he gives [[Wikipedia:Seth McFarlane|Seth McFarlane]] [[Chris and copyright|full permission to use]].

====The ''[[Family Guy]]'' "Skitch"====
[[Image:Notthebathroom.jpg|thumb|left|When you're Christian Weston Chandler, the whole world is your bathroom.]]
[[Image:Uboacar.png|thumb|right|What an eerie coincidence of appearance. Perhaps [[Wikipedia:Yume Nikki|Uboa]]'s cousin?]]
Chris remembers himself as having a Peter Griffin-style body and intellect, although ironically, this fat, stupid version of Chris is easily the most accurate self-caricature he's ever drawn. Visiting the headquarters of the Filmation ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' for no apparent reason, he excuses himself to use the restroom, and mistakenly enters the chamber the team on the cartoon used to change into their Ghostbuster uniform. What follows is a faithful, albeit crude, homage to the ''Ghostbusters'' transformation routine, except for the part where Chris would be bounced off a giant spider web. This part is omitted for being "too gross an silly", although it's more likely that Chris simply couldn't figure out how to draw a still picture of a figure bouncing off a web.

Finally, the fat, stupid Chris is dropped unceremoniously into the ''Ghostbusters'' talking car, where it collapses under the the sudden impact, blowing its wheels clean off. Confused, Chris simply observes that this is not the bathroom, and a "PPFFFFFFT" sound effect indicates that he has [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit his pants]].

Disturbingly enough, the first few minutes of the ''Family Guy'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to Germany|Road to Germany]]" bears an eerie resemblance to this "skitch", suggesting that the manatees are running out of ideas.

====Time travel crap====

Returning to the main story, Magi-Chan explains that he can take Sonichu, Chris, and himself on a trip back to [[1996]] to retrieve the [[Sonichu Ball]], but before they can leave, the fat, stupid Chris from the flashback appears to ask Chris for permission to keep the clothes he wore in the "skitch". Chris addresses this person as "[[Sammy]]", and informs him that the medallion he's wearing is merely an imitation of Chris's [[Medallion of Fail|Sonichu Medallion]].

Together, Sonichu, Magi-Chan and Chris go back in time, using Magi-Chan's telepathy and Sonichu... uh... pedaling backwards really fast. While it would simply be more efficient to run ''forwards'' while facing the rear of the bubble, Chris must have decided that running backwards was [[Random-access humor|SO FUNNY XDXDXD]]. Also, Chris wears glasses, so that might also have something to do with it. They leave a big pile of shit behind, and [[Kellie Andes]] briefly appears in a pointless cameo.

==Episode 16: "Time Hogs"==
{{Resources
| title = Time Hogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_19 ''Episode 16''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_16{{!}}''Episode 16''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic8P10.htm ''Episode 16''
| audiobook = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ9bc4QSjkI&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Ep. 16 (1 of 3)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uZUNVa3zN4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Ep. 16 (2 of 3)''
| audiobook3 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPs24ZR2FCI&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Ep. 16 (3 of 3)''}}
Despite the dramatic potential offered by time-travel, the entire story is little more than a navel-gazing tribute to the "historic" day when Chris "created" an [[Bionic the Hedgehog|orange, basketball playing Sonic the Hedgehog]]. It's like if [[Wikipedia:Mister Peabody|Peabody and Sherman]] visited [[Wikipedia:Thomas Edison|Thomas Edison]] on the day [[lie|he invented the light bulb]], only to find Edison loitering in a high school gym and reading [[R.L. Stine]] books, while Peabody and Sherman have a long, boring conversation about ''[[Futurama]]'' (incidentally, [[Wikipedia:Bender (Futurama)|Bender]] makes a cameo in the time-travel scene on page 1. This could be a reference to the episode "[[Wikipedia:Roswell That Ends Well|Roswell That Ends Well]]" in which the ''Futurama'' gang go back to 1947.)

In the past, our heroes watch the Chris of 1996 have a dull conversation with his friend, [[Joseph Herring]], who is depicted with a face covered in disfiguring boils, even though his yearbook photo shows clear, healthy skin. After Joe tells a pathetic story of a date gone wrong, Chris reads a ''Fear Street'' novel, as the Chris of [[2007]] explains that he would imagine Sonic characters playing out the story (which some argue to be as a result of his [[autism]] and his inability to relate to people, leading him to relate to video game characters), and having to consciously remember what he looks like because he is too stupid to remember what his own face looks like.

The Sonichu Ball falls on Chris's head, and Sonichu retrieves it before anyone can see him, thus preventing any possible contamination of the time stream. Because, you know, 13 November [[1996]] was a watershed moment in history.

While "[opening] the lockers to [his] mind" is a perfectly good metaphor to begin with, Chris autistically ruins it by pictorially depicting it as opening actual lockers. For no apparent reason, Chris adds a scene lifted directly from ''[[Wikipedia:Beavis and Butt-head|Beavis and Butt-head]]'' to the story, ruining ''that'' too.

Returning to [[2007]], Chris tries to brace himself for the sudden stop, only to be thrown clear of the time-sphere, and launched headlong into the timestream by the power of the two Sonichu Balls. Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing their respective sex lives to notice at first, and then Magi-Chan realizes he's stuck in the [[Little Big Planet|void of time]], and can only be returned at [[Sonichu 9|some indeterminate point in the future]], "richer or poorer in emotions".

[[Image:Raincoat.jpg|thumb|[[CWCville]], where the weather's always right for yiffing.]]
Later that night, Sonichu explains the situation to [[Rosechu]], and the two seriously worry about how they'll be able to defend the city without him. Sonichu gives Rosechu a reassuring hug, complete with a panty shot of Rosechu just in case things were getting too classy. Rosechu immediately suggests they make hot monkey love, and Sonichu makes a pathetic condom/raincoat joke.

At the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, pretty much every villain in the series so far gathers to hear [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] announce Chris's fate. They don't seem to have an actual plan or anything, but the group doesn't seem to mind. In addition to the established villains, this scene marks the debut of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and his "Woman Slave", [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|Kathleen]], who would be prominently featured in the next issue.

In the [[Time Void]], Chris absorbs the two Sonichu Balls into his arms (?) and begins experiencing new memories from both his fake life in the comic, and his real life since the previous issue, including:

*[[Megan]] "dumps" him over the Chris-chan article on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], specifically the picture he drew of the two of them nude and having sex. In this comic, Chris acts as though the events never actually happened, and he blames "[[4-cent_garbage.com]]" for the picture.
*[[Joshua Martinez]] offers to fix Chris up with [[Lori Lopez]], but she dumps him in favor of Josh.
*Mary Lee Walsh invades [[CWCville]], and the Sonichus and Rosechus manage to defeat her.

===KCWC Segment===
[[Image:Jynx.jpg|thumb|HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! AHHH...]]
Chris introduces [[KCWC]], CWCville's radio station, run by [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]]. Jamsta quickly establishes himself to be an even bigger douche than most DJs with the announcement that "Sonichu & Rosechu fanbase is on the rise to beyon the max thousands."

Jamsta interviews [[Blanca]] and [[Jiggliami]] about their upcoming performance at CWCville's Spring Break Concert. OH, MY GOD! HELLO JOE! HELLO JOE! JYNX! JYNX! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! AHHHHH.... This concert is set to take place at [[Wikipedia:Max's Kansas City|Max's Kansas City]], a famous New York punk/new wave club which closed in 1981. How Chris came to be aware of its existence, and why he chose it as the location of a CWCville Spring Break Concert is completely beyond the realms of human understanding.

[[Lolisa]] interviews ''Sonichu'' superfan [[Robert Simmons V]], who explains how Chris inspired him to use a Furby doll to "[[mass debating|relieve]] [[stress]] at home". Lolisa intros [[Wikipedia:Boston (band)|Boston]]'s "[[CWC More Than A Feeling|More Than a Feeling]]," which proves that no matter how backward and out of touch Chris is, even he understands that Boston kicks ass. However, this is likely just something he stole from ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'', where Carl refers to "More Than a Feeling" as "The Ultimate Song."
{{-}}

== Quotes ==
*"''A drawing of me and Megan... intimate? And I drew that?''" - Chris desperately trying to deny creating [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|the infamous Rule 34 drawing of him and Megan]], even though he uploaded it on [[ED]] and later put it in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]].

==Extras==

An ad for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' appears.

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 7

2010-11-22T22:20:15Z

Cows: /* Episode 15: "Time for a Ball" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #7
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu Issue 7.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 5 March 2007
| finishedcomic = 20 August 2008
| pagecount = 49
| episodes = 15-16
| previous = [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]]
| next = [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]]
}}'''''Sonichu'' #7''' is the eighth issue of Christian's ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book. Although the cover was drawn in March [[2007]], most of it would not be completed until August [[2008]], well into Chris's conflict with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and months after his falling-out with [[Megan]]. This is the first issue of ''Sonichu'' to be directly affected by the influence of trolls. It is far from the last.

The ending of ''Sonichu'' #7 sets the stage for issues #8-10, as a mission into the past causes [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] to be stranded in "the [[Time Void]]" where he cannot directly intervene in the lives of his characters. Chris had by this time begun to feel he was becoming too intrusive in Sonichu's stories--possibly upon reading criticisms on [[ED]]--and wanted to remove himself as quickly as possible.

While Chris is trapped in the Time Void, Sonichu and Magi-Chan return to the present... that is, to 2 November [[2007]] when the events of this issue are set. Although Chris's comics were clearly never set in real time ([[Episode 14]] takes place immediately after [[Episode 13]], not months later when Chris drew it), this is the first open acknowledgment that at times the comic's timeframe can be weeks or months behind real time. This would become increasingly confusing as Chris would continue referring to dates in future issues, with events in the comics occurring a year or more before they were published. Indeed, during his stay in the time void the Chris of November 2007 experiences "future" visions of events such as ED's discovery of him and his heartbreak with Megan. Although ''Sonichu'' #7 sets up the storyline that [[PVCC]] plans to exploit Chris's absence with another invasion of [[CWCville]], Chris quickly loses interest in developing this idea in favor of another: [[4-cent_garbage.com]].

==Episode 15: "Time for a Ball"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title = Time for a Ball
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_1 ''Episode 15''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_15{{!}}''Episode 15''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic8P1.htm''Episode 15''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztfh6X_DEIw&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Episode 15''}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|Episode 15 features the most unrealistic depiction of Chris, as a tall, broad shouldered, handsome young man. Compare to the real hunched, fatty, double chinned Chris.]]
====Hey, guys! What's Da Update?====

Following the battle with [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] and [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]],return to the [[Manchester High School]] basketball court with [[Magi-Chan]], and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in search of the [[Sonichu Balls]]. There, [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] gushes about his new girlfriend, [[Megagi La Skunk]], who then shows up to take him out on their second date. Chris envies his fictional creation, until Megan holds his hand, which cheers him up enough to make stupid animu faces again while thinking creepy stalker thoughts.

Magi-Chan makes up some bullshit about how the [[Sonichu Balls]] are scattered throughout space and time, and that he can somehow pinpoint the missing ball if he can find the person it came into contact with. Worth noting is that Chris has yet to explain what the Sonichu Balls are, why they would help, or why they even came here to look for one.

Chris comes over to ask the Sonichus for [[da update]], and [[Magi-Chan]] somehow realizes that it was Chris who touched the Ball in the past. Magi-Chan reads Chris's mind, and somehow narrows down the exact date and time: 13 November [[1996]], 2:31:29 p.m. Coincidentally, this was the very moment that Chris created [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Chris confirms Magi-Chan's hypothesis, recalling that he thought he had been hit on the head with a basketball that day, but it must have been the Sonichu Ball from the future. Feeling self-conscious, Chris segues into a ''[[Family Guy]]''-style scene which he gives [[Wikipedia:Seth McFarlane|Seth McFarlane]] [[Chris and copyright|full permission to use]].

====The ''[[Family Guy]]'' "Skitch"====
[[Image:Notthebathroom.jpg|thumb|left|When you're Christian Weston Chandler, the whole world is your bathroom.]]
[[Image:Uboacar.png|thumb|right|What an eerie coincidence of appearance. Perhaps [[Wikipedia:Yume Nikki|Uboa]]'s cousin?]]
Chris remembers himself as having a Peter Griffin-style body and intellect, although ironically, this fat, stupid version of Chris is easily the most accurate self-caricature he's ever drawn. Visiting the headquarters of the Filmation ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' for no apparent reason, he excuses himself to use the restroom, and mistakenly enters the chamber the team on the cartoon used to change into their Ghostbuster uniform. What follows is a faithful, albeit crude, homage to the ''Ghostbusters'' transformation routine, except for the part where Chris would be bounced off a giant spider web. This part is omitted for being "too gross an silly", although it's more likely that Chris simply couldn't figure out how to draw a still picture of a figure bouncing off a web.

Finally, the fat, stupid Chris is dropped unceremoniously into the ''Ghostbusters'' talking car, where it collapses under the the sudden impact, blowing its wheels clean off. Confused, Chris simply observes that this is not the bathroom, and a "PPFFFFFFT" sound effect indicates that he has [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit his pants]].

Disturbingly enough, the first few minutes of the ''Family Guy'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to Germany|Road to Germany]]" bears an eerie resemblance to this "skitch", suggesting that the manatees are running out of ideas.

====Time travel crap====

Returning to the main story, Magi-Chan explains that he can take Sonichu, Chris, and himself on a trip back to [[1996]] to retrieve the [[Sonichu Ball]], but before they can leave, the fat, stupid Chris from the flashback appears to ask Chris for permission to keep the clothes he wore in the "skitch". Chris addresses this person as "[[Sammy]]", and informs him that the medallion he's wearing is merely an imitation of Chris's [[Medallion of Fail|Sonichu Medallion]].

Together, Sonichu, Magi-Chan and Chris go back in time, using Magi-Chan's telepathy and Sonichu... uh... pedaling backwards really fast. While it would simply be more efficient to run ''forwards'' while facing the rear of the bubble, Chris must have decided that running backwards was [[Random-access humor|SO FUNNY XDXDXD]]. Also, Chris wears glasses, so that might also have something to do with it. They leave a big pile of shit behind, and [[Kellie Andes]] briefly appears in a pointless cameo.

==Episode 16: "Time Hogs"==
{{Resources
| title = Time Hogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_19 ''Episode 16''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_16{{!}}''Episode 16''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic8P10.htm ''Episode 16''
| audiobook = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ9bc4QSjkI&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Ep. 16 (1 of 3)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uZUNVa3zN4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Ep. 16 (2 of 3)''
| audiobook3 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPs24ZR2FCI&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1 ''Ep. 16 (3 of 3)''}}
Despite the dramatic potential offered by time-travel, the entire story is little more than a navel-gazing tribute to the "historic" day when Chris "created" an [[Bionic the Hedgehog|orange, basketball playing Sonic the Hedgehog]]. It's like if [[Wikipedia:Mister Peabody|Peabody and Sherman]] visited [[Wikipedia:Thomas Edison|Thomas Edison]] on the day [[lie|he invented the light bulb]], only to find Edison loitering in a high school gym and reading [[R.L. Stine]] books, while Peabody and Sherman have a long, boring conversation about ''[[Futurama]]'' (incidentally, [[Wikipedia:Bender (Futurama)|Bender]] makes a cameo in the time-travel scene on page 1. This could be a reference to the episode "[[Wikipedia:Roswell That Ends Well|Roswell That Ends Well]]" in which the ''Futurama'' gang go back to 1947.)

In the past, our heroes watch the Chris of 1996 have a dull conversation with his friend, [[Joseph Herring]], who is depicted with a face covered in disfiguring boils, even though his yearbook photo shows clear, healthy skin. After Joe tells a pathetic story of a date gone wrong, Chris reads a ''Fear Street'' novel, as the Chris of [[2007]] explains that he would imagine Sonic characters playing out the story (which some argue to be as a result of his [[autism]] and his inability to relate to people, leading him to relate to video game characters), and having to consciously remember what he looks like because he is too stupid to remember what his own face looks like.

The Sonichu Ball falls on Chris's head, and Sonichu retrieves it before anyone can see him, thus preventing any possible contamination of the time stream. Because, you know, 13 November [[1996]] was a watershed moment in history.

While "[opening] the lockers to [his] mind" is a perfectly good metaphor to begin with, Chris autistically ruins it by pictorially depicting it as opening actual lockers. For no apparent reason, Chris adds a scene lifted directly from ''[[Wikipedia:Beavis and Butt-head|Beavis and Butt-head]]'' to the story, ruining ''that'' too.

Returning to [[2007]], Chris tries to brace himself for the sudden stop, only to be thrown clear of the time-sphere, and launched headlong into the timestream by the power of the two Sonichu Balls. Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing their respective sex lives to notice at first, and then Magi-Chan realizes he's stuck in the [[Little Big Planet|void of time]], and can only be returned at [[Sonichu 9|some indeterminate point in the future]], "richer or poorer in emotions".

[[Image:Raincoat.jpg|thumb|[[CWCville]], where the weather's always right for yiffing.]]
Later that night, Sonichu explains the situation to [[Rosechu]], and the two seriously worry about how they'll be able to defend the city without him. Sonichu gives Rosechu a reassuring hug, complete with a panty shot of Rosechu just in case things were getting too classy. Rosechu immediately suggests they make hot monkey love, and Sonichu makes a pathetic condom/raincoat joke.

At the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, pretty much every villain in the series so far gathers to hear [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] announce Chris's fate. They don't seem to have an actual plan or anything, but the group doesn't seem to mind. In addition to the established villains, this scene marks the debut of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and his "Woman Slave", [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|Kathleen]], who would be prominently featured in the next issue.

In the [[Time Void]], Chris absorbs the two Sonichu Balls into his arms (?) and begins experiencing new memories from both his fake life in the comic, and his real life since the previous issue, including:

*[[Megan]] "dumps" him over the Chris-chan article on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], specifically the picture he drew of the two of them nude and having sex. In this comic, Chris acts as though the events never actually happened, and he blames "[[4-cent_garbage.com]]" for the picture.
*[[Joshua Martinez]] offers to fix Chris up with [[Lori Lopez]], but she dumps him in favor of Josh.
*Mary Lee Walsh invades [[CWCville]], and the Sonichus and Rosechus manage to defeat her.

===KCWC Segment===
[[Image:Jynx.jpg|thumb|HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! AHHH...]]
Chris introduces [[KCWC]], CWCville's radio station, run by [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]]. Jamsta quickly establishes himself to be an even bigger douche than most DJs with the announcement that "Sonichu & Rosechu fanbase is on the rise to beyon the max thousands."

Jamsta interviews [[Blanca]] and [[Jiggliami]] about their upcoming performance at CWCville's Spring Break Concert. OH, MY GOD! HELLO JOE! HELLO JOE! JYNX! JYNX! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! AHHHHH.... This concert is set to take place at [[Wikipedia:Max's Kansas City|Max's Kansas City]], a famous New York punk/new wave club which closed in 1981. How Chris came to be aware of its existence, and why he chose it as the location of a CWCville Spring Break Concert is completely beyond the realms of human understanding.

[[Lolisa]] interviews ''Sonichu'' superfan [[Robert Simmons V]], who explains how Chris inspired him to use a Furby doll to "[[mass debating|relieve]] [[stress]] at home". Lolisa intros [[Wikipedia:Boston (band)|Boston]]'s "[[CWC More Than A Feeling|More Than a Feeling]]," which proves that no matter how backward and out of touch Chris is, even he understands that Boston kicks ass. However, this is likely just something he stole from ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'', where Carl refers to "More Than a Feeling" as "The Ultimate Song."
{{-}}

== Quotes ==
*"''A drawing of me and Megan... intimate? And I drew that?''" - Chris desperately trying to deny creating [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|the infamous Rule 34 drawing of him and Megan]], even though he uploaded it on [[ED]] and later put it in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]].

==Extras==

An ad for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' appears.

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 6

2010-11-22T22:19:46Z

Cows: /* Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #6
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 4 July 2006
| finishedcomic = 21 February 2007
| pagecount = 49
| episodes = 12.5, 14
| previous = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
| next = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #6''' is the seventh issue of [[Christian]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book series. By this point, Chris seems to have realized that dividing his comics into episodes is pointless if the episodes all run seamlessly together, so the storyline of CWCville's battle with PVCC is confined to a single, lengthy, Episode 14.

However, shortly before beginning work on this issue, Chris's beloved dog [[Patti]] was put to sleep on 27 June [[2006]]. Distraught by these events, Chris sought to make the lead story in this issue a tribute to Patti that would create a new life for her as a regular character in [[CWCville]]. Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger with Episode 13, "One Lucky Dog" is set before that story, and labeled as Episode 12.5.

Chris again let this issue languish for months before finally completing it several days before his twenty-fifth birthday. He was apparently motivated to finish so that he could include the gratuitous shill for his impending [[DVD]].

==Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =One Lucky Dog
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_1 ''Episode 12.5''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_12.5{{!}}''Episode 12.5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P1.htm ''Episode 12.5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHWG-1us01o&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=24 ''Episode 12.5''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Patti_and_moon.jpg|thumb|FUN FACT: on 26 June 2006, the moon wasn't full; in fact, it was practically a new moon.]]

While it sticks to most of the usual ''Sonichu'' formulas, ''Sonichu'' #6 does distinguish itself from its predecessors, mostly in Episode 12.5.

Chris had inserted photographs of himself into cartoon backgrounds before, most notably in the original [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|jewel case art]] for which he created the Sonichu character. In ''Sonichu'' #6, Chris broadens his experiments with a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fumetti Fumetti] style, blending cartoon characters with photographs of himself and his home. This style returns again in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], with some differences. In ''Sonichu'' #6, the [[Patti-Chan]] character is a cartoon existing in the 'real world,' and Chris becomes a cartoon when he enters CWCville. In ''Sonichu'' #10, a 'real world' CWC exists in the cartoon CWCville.

Despite the extensive use of photography in the first half of the story, no photographer is credited. Chris is usually quick to credit people who 'assist' in the production of a ''Sonichu'' episode, because it makes him look like he has friends, so the implication here is that he took the photos himself.

''Sonichu'' #6 is also a departure in emotional depth, compared to previous issues. While the others are generally limited to retarded, one-dimensional characters and narcissistic monologues, in ''Sonichu'' #6 Chris works through a real and empathetic event: the death of his dog. Of course, he works through it in a retarded and narcissistic manner, but it's still more emotionally tangible than anything else he has done.

The final page of the episode is a formal dedication to Patti, with a memorial photograph, birth, and death dates. This is interesting, because it is generally difficult to determine just how grounded in reality Chris's mind is. In some cases, such as the [[BILLY MAYS]] coup, Chris doesn't respect any line between reality and the CWCville universe: there IS a Mayor of CWCville, and the Mayor IS Chris. This page, on the other hand, is a concrete example of Chris separating reality from fiction.

This contrasts sharply with how he memorialized the deaths of the women [[Sarah Jackson|who]] [[Pandahalo|loved]] [[Ivy|him]], where he callously recreated their horrific deaths in comic format as a means of removing them from his comic.

Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger, this story is set between Episodes 12 and 13 of that issue.

===Synopsis===
Chris's dog, Patti, is old and suffering from an "itchy" rump. She looks up at the full [[Moon]] and wishes for the ability to walk and talk like Chris, that she might thank him for his years of kindness. After baying at the Moon, Patti eats some grass in the backyard, unknowingly catching a [[Wikipedia:Four-leaf clover|four-leaf clover]] in her teeth. When she lies down and sleeps, the magic power of moonbeams does some sort of magic shit to her.

The following day, Chris emerges from his house to feed Patti, only to discover her transformed into an anthropomorphic dog-creature. When Patti speaks aloud for the first time, both she and Chris are shocked. Patti realizes her wish came true, although neither she nor Chris knows how this has happened, and nobody asks any questions.

After a snack and a bath, Chris gives Patti a clover medallion, and a green sash to cover her dog junk. Together, they sit on a bench swing outside, and Patti thanks Chris for everything. Rejuvenated by her transformation, Patti expresses a desire to roam the world beyond her pen, but doesn't know where to go. After considering the matter for a moment, Chris decides to take her to [[CWCville]], where she can wander the city without frightening the populace. Unlike [[Ruckersville]], CWCville's citizens are used to monstrous animal-men wandering their city and living off of welfare.

To get to CWCville, Chris leads Patti into his house (apparently for the first time), and takes her to his bedroom. Using his [[Nintendo]] DS, Chris opens a portal that leads into his mayoral office in [[CWCville Mall]]. Patti wonders how Chris can run CWCville from his home in Ruckersville, but Chris explains that most of the work is handled by his secretary [[Allison Amber]], who coordinates with Chris using a satellite link-up to his DS.

Chris provides Patti with a scepter and bracelets, each imbued with a [[Chris and his ego|portion of his own power]], to defend herself from CWCville's enemies. He also gives her a [[monthly tugboat|"Golden CWCville Card"]] — a debit card of sorts — and a cell phone in case of emergencies. After an emotional embrace, Patti wanders off on her own.

===Advertisement===
Are you ready to ROCK? An ad for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].

==Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"==
{{Resources
| title =Evil is Afoot!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_15 ''Episode 14''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_14{{!}}''Episode 14''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P8.htm ''Episode 14''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZUKaJu-QuA&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=25 ''Ep. 14 Part 1''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZbWQYfk150&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=26 ''Ep. 14 Part 2''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Sonichu-6 notsow.jpg|thumb|"Notsow"]]
In the original artwork, Chris managed to misspell his backwards-named nemesis's middle name. After what must have been nearly 9,000 hours in MS Paint, "Notsow" was hamfistedly altered to "Notsew." Then the page was even more hamfistedly omitted from the [[CWCipedia]], probably because it is so sexually charged that it might turn Chris into a [[homo]] if he even glances at it. Either that, or he's retarded and didn't check to see that he double-posted page 31.

===Synopsis===
Continuing from Episode 13's cliffhanger, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] gloats over her imprisonment of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] in the dark mirror. [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrive to steal the Mirror away from Walsh. Distracted, Walsh is easily defeated by [[Sailor Megtune]], and is forced to retreat.

The heroes return to Christian's mayoral office, where Christian and Magi-Chan work on ways to retrieve Crystal from the mirror. While they wait for [[da update]], the others discuss various subjects of no particular relevance.

Magi-Chan announces that the only hope to save Crystal are the seven [[Sonichu Balls]], of which they only currently possess one. However, the attractive properties of the balls cause Magi-Chan to realize that [[Darkbind]] is [[homos|hiding two more balls]], and that he also needs all seven to break a sleeping curse on [[Zelina Rosechu]].

Conveniently enough, a fourth Ball is revealed when [[Black Sonichu]] and a mysterious green Sonichu commit a daring daylight robbery of the Kay Jewelers store in the CWCville Mall. Somehow, the villains have learned of the Sonichu Ball's presence there, and have stolen it as part of a larger scheme of world domination.

Chris teleports to the scene with Magi-Chan and Sonichu, but the combined power of the evil Sonichus is too great. The green Sonichu envelops Chris in a dark dimension, and explains that he is [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog form of [[Naitsirhc]] Giovanni. When Chris was briefly submerged in the Dark Mirror Hole, this caused a Dark Sonichu Medallion to be created, awakening sleeping evil powers within Naitsirhc, such as the ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Now realized as the evil, opposite counterpart to Chris, he has dubbed himself as [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

When Reldnahc reverts to human form, we see he has been changed into a duplicate of Chris, with torn blue jeans, and a green harness, reflecting his homoerotic tendencies. Chris is naturally horrified by his partial nudity.

Outside the Dark Dimension, Magi-Chan and Sonichu demand an explanation from Black Sonichu, who explains that Naitsirhc has become far more evil and ruthless since his transformation. He has completely abandoned his adoptive father [[Giovanni]], and while Black Sonichu has followed him out of loyalty, Naitsirhc has insulted him constantly in return, even putting [[Semen|whipped cream]] in his rocket shoes.

Suddenly everybody's pal, Black Sonichu asks his former enemies about Bubbles, having randomly developed an infatuation with her.

Christian and Reldnahc, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and Reldnahc Ha-Taque, begin a pitched battle, racing across [[CWCville]] at high speeds, proving to be evenly matched. Christian, as ever, attempts to fight dirty, but his kick to Reldnahc's groin is met only by Reldnahc's powerful cup.

Reldnahc finally gains the upper hand, blasting Chris into the gym of [[Manchester High School]], incapacitating him. But before Reldnahc can deliver the final blow using his Sonichu Ball, a basketball strikes Reldnahc, causing his head to hit the bleaches, knocking him out. Christian awakes to learn that [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] saved him from certain doom, and that Reldnahc is in a coma.

Bionic gives Chris the Sonichu Ball Reldnahc had stolen, and asks him to provide him with a fictional girlfriend, just as Chris created Rosechu to be Sonichu's personal semen receptacle. Too lazy to do even that, Chris suggests Bionic hook up with one of Megan's characters.

Christian then launches into an advertisement for his homemade DVD "[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]". He describes every single feature on the disc, despite the fact that he has no intention of making it available outside of his own circle of acquaintances.

Ten weeks later (presumably after several of the events in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]), Reldnahc awakens in the hospital, with a white-hot hatred for Bionic...

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
"Bionic Over Autism", a drawing Chris shat out on February 24, 1999.

===Back Cover Ad===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' gets a final run. It'll be replaced by an ad for ''CWC's [[Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_Adult_Chronicles|Adult Chronicles]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover
Image:PattiLuv.jpg|Bow-Chika-Wow
Image:SchuComic6P14.jpg|Ad: Christian & The Hedgehog Boys
Image:SchuComic7Page30.jpg|<s>NOTSOW</s> NOTS'''E'''W
Image:Sonichu6Page30-CWCipedia.jpg|The other image was just too disturbing, so Chris double-posted P31 for the [[CWCipedia]] version.
Image:Artgallerybionic.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery!
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Reldnahc]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 6

2010-11-22T22:19:18Z

Cows: /* Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #6
| cover = [[Image:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 4 July 2006
| finishedcomic = 21 February 2007
| pagecount = 49
| episodes = 12.5, 14
| previous = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
| next = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #6''' is the seventh issue of [[Christian]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book series. By this point, Chris seems to have realized that dividing his comics into episodes is pointless if the episodes all run seamlessly together, so the storyline of CWCville's battle with PVCC is confined to a single, lengthy, Episode 14.

However, shortly before beginning work on this issue, Chris's beloved dog [[Patti]] was put to sleep on 27 June [[2006]]. Distraught by these events, Chris sought to make the lead story in this issue a tribute to Patti that would create a new life for her as a regular character in [[CWCville]]. Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger with Episode 13, "One Lucky Dog" is set before that story, and labeled as Episode 12.5.

Chris again let this issue languish for months before finally completing it several days before his twenty-fifth birthday. He was apparently motivated to finish so that he could include the gratuitous shill for his impending [[DVD]].

==Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =One Lucky Dog
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_1 ''Episode 12.5''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_12.5{{!}}''Episode 12.5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P1.htm ''Episode 12.5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHWG-1us01o&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=24 ''Episode 12.5''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Patti_and_moon.jpg|thumb|FUN FACT: on 26 June 2006, the moon wasn't full; in fact, it was practically a new moon.]]

While it sticks to most of the usual ''Sonichu'' formulas, ''Sonichu'' #6 does distinguish itself from its predecessors, mostly in Episode 12.5.

Chris had inserted photographs of himself into cartoon backgrounds before, most notably in the original [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|jewel case art]] for which he created the Sonichu character. In ''Sonichu'' #6, Chris broadens his experiments with a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fumetti Fumetti] style, blending cartoon characters with photographs of himself and his home. This style returns again in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], with some differences. In ''Sonichu'' #6, the [[Patti-Chan]] character is a cartoon existing in the 'real world,' and Chris becomes a cartoon when he enters CWCville. In ''Sonichu'' #10, a 'real world' CWC exists in the cartoon CWCville.

Despite the extensive use of photography in the first half of the story, no photographer is credited. Chris is usually quick to credit people who 'assist' in the production of a ''Sonichu'' episode, because it makes him look like he has friends, so the implication here is that he took the photos himself.

''Sonichu'' #6 is also a departure in emotional depth, compared to previous issues. While the others are generally limited to retarded, one-dimensional characters and narcissistic monologues, in ''Sonichu'' #6 Chris works through a real and empathetic event: the death of his dog. Of course, he works through it in a retarded and narcissistic manner, but it's still more emotionally tangible than anything else he has done.

The final page of the episode is a formal dedication to Patti, with a memorial photograph, birth, and death dates. This is interesting, because it is generally difficult to determine just how grounded in reality Chris's mind is. In some cases, such as the [[BILLY MAYS]] coup, Chris doesn't respect any line between reality and the CWCville universe: there IS a Mayor of CWCville, and the Mayor IS Chris. This page, on the other hand, is a concrete example of Chris separating reality from fiction.

This contrasts sharply with how he memorialized the deaths of the women [[Sarah Jackson|who]] [[Pandahalo|loved]] [[Ivy|him]], where he callously recreated their horrific deaths in comic format as a means of removing them from his comic.

Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger, this story is set between Episodes 12 and 13 of that issue.

===Synopsis===
Chris's dog, Patti, is old and suffering from an "itchy" rump. She looks up at the full [[Moon]] and wishes for the ability to walk and talk like Chris, that she might thank him for his years of kindness. After baying at the Moon, Patti eats some grass in the backyard, unknowingly catching a [[Wikipedia:Four-leaf clover|four-leaf clover]] in her teeth. When she lies down and sleeps, the magic power of moonbeams does some sort of magic shit to her.

The following day, Chris emerges from his house to feed Patti, only to discover her transformed into an anthropomorphic dog-creature. When Patti speaks aloud for the first time, both she and Chris are shocked. Patti realizes her wish came true, although neither she nor Chris knows how this has happened, and nobody asks any questions.

After a snack and a bath, Chris gives Patti a clover medallion, and a green sash to cover her dog junk. Together, they sit on a bench swing outside, and Patti thanks Chris for everything. Rejuvenated by her transformation, Patti expresses a desire to roam the world beyond her pen, but doesn't know where to go. After considering the matter for a moment, Chris decides to take her to [[CWCville]], where she can wander the city without frightening the populace. Unlike [[Ruckersville]], CWCville's citizens are used to monstrous animal-men wandering their city and living off of welfare.

To get to CWCville, Chris leads Patti into his house (apparently for the first time), and takes her to his bedroom. Using his [[Nintendo]] DS, Chris opens a portal that leads into his mayoral office in [[CWCville Mall]]. Patti wonders how Chris can run CWCville from his home in Ruckersville, but Chris explains that most of the work is handled by his secretary [[Allison Amber]], who coordinates with Chris using a satellite link-up to his DS.

Chris provides Patti with a scepter and bracelets, each imbued with a [[Chris and his ego|portion of his own power]], to defend herself from CWCville's enemies. He also gives her a [[monthly tugboat|"Golden CWCville Card"]] — a debit card of sorts — and a cell phone in case of emergencies. After an emotional embrace, Patti wanders off on her own.

===Advertisement===
Are you ready to ROCK? An ad for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].

==Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"==
{{Resources
| title =Evil is Afoot!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_15 ''Episode 14''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_14{{!}}''Episode 14''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic7P8.htm ''Episode 14''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZUKaJu-QuA&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=25 ''Ep. 14 Part 1''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZbWQYfk150&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=26 ''Ep. 14 Part 2''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Sonichu-6 notsow.jpg|thumb|"Notsow"]]
In the original artwork, Chris managed to misspell his backwards-named nemesis's middle name. After what must have been nearly 9,000 hours in MS Paint, "Notsow" was hamfistedly altered to "Notsew." Then the page was even more hamfistedly omitted from the [[CWCipedia]], probably because it is so sexually charged that it might turn Chris into a [[homo]] if he even glances at it. Either that, or he's retarded and didn't check to see that he double-posted page 31.

===Synopsis===
Continuing from Episode 13's cliffhanger, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] gloats over her imprisonment of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] in the dark mirror. [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrive to steal the Mirror away from Walsh. Distracted, Walsh is easily defeated by [[Sailor Megtune]], and is forced to retreat.

The heroes return to Christian's mayoral office, where Christian and Magi-Chan work on ways to retrieve Crystal from the mirror. While they wait for [[da update]], the others discuss various subjects of no particular relevance.

Magi-Chan announces that the only hope to save Crystal are the seven [[Sonichu Balls]], of which they only currently possess one. However, the attractive properties of the balls cause Magi-Chan to realize that [[Darkbind]] is [[homos|hiding two more balls]], and that he also needs all seven to break a sleeping curse on [[Zelina Rosechu]].

Conveniently enough, a fourth Ball is revealed when [[Black Sonichu]] and a mysterious green Sonichu commit a daring daylight robbery of the Kay Jewelers store in the CWCville Mall. Somehow, the villains have learned of the Sonichu Ball's presence there, and have stolen it as part of a larger scheme of world domination.

Chris teleports to the scene with Magi-Chan and Sonichu, but the combined power of the evil Sonichus is too great. The green Sonichu envelops Chris in a dark dimension, and explains that he is [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog form of [[Naitsirhc]] Giovanni. When Chris was briefly submerged in the Dark Mirror Hole, this caused a Dark Sonichu Medallion to be created, awakening sleeping evil powers within Naitsirhc, such as the ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Now realized as the evil, opposite counterpart to Chris, he has dubbed himself as [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

When Reldnahc reverts to human form, we see he has been changed into a duplicate of Chris, with torn blue jeans, and a green harness, reflecting his homoerotic tendencies. Chris is naturally horrified by his partial nudity.

Outside the Dark Dimension, Magi-Chan and Sonichu demand an explanation from Black Sonichu, who explains that Naitsirhc has become far more evil and ruthless since his transformation. He has completely abandoned his adoptive father [[Giovanni]], and while Black Sonichu has followed him out of loyalty, Naitsirhc has insulted him constantly in return, even putting [[Semen|whipped cream]] in his rocket shoes.

Suddenly everybody's pal, Black Sonichu asks his former enemies about Bubbles, having randomly developed an infatuation with her.

Christian and Reldnahc, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and Reldnahc Ha-Taque, begin a pitched battle, racing across [[CWCville]] at high speeds, proving to be evenly matched. Christian, as ever, attempts to fight dirty, but his kick to Reldnahc's groin is met only by Reldnahc's powerful cup.

Reldnahc finally gains the upper hand, blasting Chris into the gym of [[Manchester High School]], incapacitating him. But before Reldnahc can deliver the final blow using his Sonichu Ball, a basketball strikes Reldnahc, causing his head to hit the bleaches, knocking him out. Christian awakes to learn that [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] saved him from certain doom, and that Reldnahc is in a coma.

Bionic gives Chris the Sonichu Ball Reldnahc had stolen, and asks him to provide him with a fictional girlfriend, just as Chris created Rosechu to be Sonichu's personal semen receptacle. Too lazy to do even that, Chris suggests Bionic hook up with one of Megan's characters.

Christian then launches into an advertisement for his homemade DVD "[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]". He describes every single feature on the disc, despite the fact that he has no intention of making it available outside of his own circle of acquaintances.

Ten weeks later (presumably after several of the events in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]), Reldnahc awakens in the hospital, with a white-hot hatred for Bionic...

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
"Bionic Over Autism", a drawing Chris shat out on February 24, 1999.

===Back Cover Ad===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' gets a final run. It'll be replaced by an ad for ''CWC's [[Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_Adult_Chronicles|Adult Chronicles]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover
Image:PattiLuv.jpg|Bow-Chika-Wow
Image:SchuComic6P14.jpg|Ad: Christian & The Hedgehog Boys
Image:SchuComic7Page30.jpg|<s>NOTSOW</s> NOTS'''E'''W
Image:Sonichu6Page30-CWCipedia.jpg|The other image was just too disturbing, so Chris double-posted P31 for the [[CWCipedia]] version.
Image:Artgallerybionic.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery!
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Reldnahc]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 5

2010-11-22T22:18:24Z

Cows: /* Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #5
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic6Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 29 April 2006
| finishedcomic = 20 June 2006
| pagecount = 53
| episodes = 12-13
| previous = [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]
| next = [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #5''' is the sixth issue of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series.

By this point in his life [[Chris]] was obsessed with [[Megan]], and it shows painfully. For one thing, he's suddenly using ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards all the damn time. Chris quickly clears out premises like his [[Love Quest]] and the Chris/[[Wes]]/[[Sarah Hammer]] triangle so that he can introduce [[Sailor Megtune]] and the storyline that she is clearly meant to be Chris's sweetheart but is mysteriously uncomfortable with his affections. Reading Megan's dialogue in this issue makes it clear he has no earthly idea why she would refuse his advances, and cannot even invent a fictional explanation for the sake of drama.

Episode 13 introduces the first major multi-issue story arc, in which [[Mary Lee Walsh]] finally sets her sights higher than cockblocking a single moron and simply invades [[CWCville]], imprisoning [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]] in a dark mirror. The elements introduced here would continue to play out until Walsh's final defeat in [[Episode 21]].

This issue also abandons all pretense of featuring [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in any meaningful role. In commentary on the ''[[Sonichu 5 Official Videobook|Sonichu 5 Videobook]]'', Chris explains that his [[Barbara|mom]] has forbidden him from writing any more [[Sub-Episodes]], so he does the only logical thing: he makes his miserable life the ''main'' Episode. Whereas issues [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] and [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] set Sonichu aside to introduce new characters, and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] was a special focusing on Chris, ''Sonichu'' #5 makes no such excuses, establishes this as business as usual, and begins a long tradition of Sonichu taking a back seat to his friends, enemies, creator, and even a [[Patti|dead dog]].

==Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_1 ''Episode 12''
| videobook =Sonichu_5_Official_Videobook#Episode_12{{!}}''Episode 12''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic6P1.htm ''Episode 12''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyqJBTtQEX0&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=21 ''Episode 12''
}}
[[Image:Getahintchris.JPG|thumb|Even in his own fantasy world, Chris is unable to take obvious hints. Also - Christ, he wears the medallion to formal occasions.]]
[[Image:120-CWCSpells.jpg|thumb|CWC-Spells!]]
The first half of the comic stars Chris as he saves [[Sarah Hammer]]'s wedding from the evil [[Wes Iseli]]. The story is a sort of coda to the [[Sub-Episodes]] of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], with Chris introducing Megan as his new love interest. Indeed, the entire wedding plot seems to be little more than a convenient way of writing Sarah Hammer out of the story so Megan can take her place.

While past issues of ''Sonichu'' have featured embellished versions of Chris's real-life exploits, the truth behind this story is less clear. The fact that Chris attends the wedding "in spirit" in the comic suggests that he was never actually there at all in real life. This is further supported by his ignorance of wedding traditions (the bride isn't supposed to throw the bouquet to any specific person, and catching the bouquet only means you are more likely to be married if you are a [[Homos|woman]]), and the lack of detail in the depiction of the wedding itself. The guests are never identified, Spicer is "played" by a fictional character, suggesting Chris has never seen the man, and the chapel looks suspiciously similar to one seen in the final scene of the ''[[Excel Saga]]'' anime.

<center>'''''SPOILER ALERT!!!'''''</center>

[[Homos|Chris catches the bouquet at the end.]]

===Synopsis===

Chris opens the story by announcing that "Jack's Knight", a character from a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card, will be playing the part of [[William Spicer]].

In a nondescript chapel, [[Sarah Hammer]] is marrying Spicer before a gathering of white, humanoid blobs sitting in the pews. Also present is Chris, floating invisibly above the proceedings. For some reason, they left the door open to the church, and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] observes from the open doorway. Still bitter over Sarah rejecting him in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], he plans to take revenge.

From his vantage, Chris ponders the new life awaiting his childhood friend. For some reason, he's using the powers of his [[medallion]] to attend the ceremony invisibly, and he regrets being unable to stay long enough to catch the bouquet. Why he feels he must attend in secret, and only for part of the wedding is never explained.

More important to Chris is his recent friendship with a [[Sailor Megtune|"real super girl"]] whom he compares to chocolate strawberry ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' cards or something. His reverie is cut short, however, when his sixth sense alerts him to Wes-Li's attack on William Spicer and abduction of Sarah.

Determined to prevent this, Chris uses his Duel Disk Launcher to "play a 'reasoning'" (read: reason with Wes). Telepathically, he tries to talk Wes out of his plan, pointing out that there are other girls behind the "light magical curtain". But, since Wes has no "conseince," he attacks Spicer anyway, forcing Chris to reveal himself and transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

Still basking in the glow of potential sex with [[Megan]], Chris tries to convince Wes to stand down. Wes beats the shit out of him instead, and races out of the chapel with Sarah over his shoulder. Not wearing her Cherokian bracelets, Sarah is unable to summon the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]] to defend herself.

The guests, apparently nonplussed to see Chris appear in the middle of the chapel and turn into a furfag, implore him to rescue Sarah. Chris responds by spouting even more collectible card game bullshit, which somehow rejuvenates him. Chris catches up to Wes, and continues to define their battle in terms of ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' dueling, despite the fact that Wes has no cards, isn't interested in playing, and refuses to "take turns".

Chris uses some stupid card that teleports Sarah out of Wes's clutches and into his own, even creepier clutches, and he speeds back to the church. Wes attempts to stop them, but his attack backfires thanks to the timely interference of [[Sailor Megtune]] and her bulldyke familiar [[Megagi La Skunk]]. Megtune uses a guitar to repel Wes-Li's attacks and defeat him, while Chris goes gaga at the sight of her in action. Megagi forcefully reminds Chris to finish Wes off, although this would seem to be a formality, since Megtune's attacks have left him lying facefirst in the ground. Chris putts Wes into a black hole or something with a lightning bolt, and declares their "duel" to be over.

Afterward, Chris has returned to his human form, apparently loitering at the church and pondering the lack of momentum he has with Megan, who refuses to even talk to him except by e-mail. Sarah throws him the bridal bouquet as a token of her appreciation of their long friendship.

Chris closes by noting that "catching a bride's bouguet is a sign meaning a strong chance of marriage for you within a few years", [[fail]]ing to realize that this tradition applies to ''women'', whereas the men are supposed to catch the bridal garter thrown by the groom. So all this means is that Chris is likely to marry a dude in the near future.

===Advertisement 1===
[[Virginia is for Virgins]]!

==Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"==
{{Resources
| title =Smashed Hearts & Entrapment
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_24 ''Episode 13''
| videobook =Sonichu_5_Official_Videobook#Episode_13{{!}}''Episode 13''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic6P13.htm ''Episode 13''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p559trLxHDU&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=22 ''Ep. 13 (1 of 2)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCYa6l9wJk&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=23 ''Ep. 13 (2 of 2)''
}}
[[Image:Whatsgoingon.JPG|right|thumb|What, indeed?]]
[[Image:Lolwutdisclaimer.jpg|thumb|TV-Y7]]
The rest of the issue sees Chris battle a full-scale invasion of [[CWCville]]. Crystal becomes trapped in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], a plot twist Chris seems to have devised purely to make himself more sympathetic to Megan in the comic, except that it was an imaginary Megan taking imaginary pity on Chris for the loss of his imaginary twin sister. In spite of the story's total separation from reality, Chris altered the part where Megan hugs him, probably because of objections by the real Megan.

<center>'''''SPOILER ALERT!!!'''''</center>

Megan never loved Christian and never would.

Episode 13 also features some hilariously ill-conceived retroactive continuity to tone down Chris's none-too-subtle sexification of Megchan. On the original Page 50, Megtune comforts and embraces Chris, expressing her relief that Chris is safe, and apologizing that she couldn't help his sister. Ever the class-act, Chris throws in some upskirt fanservice.

The first change came when a disclaimer to this scene was added to page 51 of this version, with Rosechu addressing the reader:
{{quote|Hey-Ay! My papa asked me to set the record straight ... hey, sweet hug on the last page, but I'm afraid it didn't happen for real; you know with his wishful thinkin', but seriously, they are super-cool with each-other, and Papa C. really loves Megan. Okay, cool? Raight! Be sure to check out the ending in the next issue! C-ya!|Rosechu, talking even more stupidly than usual}}

Apparently Chris figured Megan was mad about the hug, not about appearing in ''Sonichu'' in a Magical Girl costume and showing her ass off. So, logically, Chris [[retcon]]ned the scene for more accuracy, explaining that they'd never hugged like that in real life. This is stupid, since it's not like anyone would read ''Sonichu'' and expect it to reflect reality in any way. No one needs a disclaimer to explain that Megan doesn't wear a [[Wikipedia:Sailor Soldier|Sailor Soldier]] outfit and fight crime with Sonic recolors all day.

Ultimately, Chris scrapped the original page 50 altogether, and replaced it with a more passive-aggressive version of Megan's reaction.

Most likely, the revisions occurred shortly after the comic was completed. Chris dates the final page "June 20, 2006". On [[2006#June|June 25]], Megan told Chris to back off, and this was probably marked the beginning of Chris's attempts to modify his portrayal of Megan in the comic to appease her. [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] would mark Megtune's final appearance in the series, replaced by a plainclothes version of Megan, and [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] would see her removed from the story altogether.

===Synopsis===
In [[CWCville]] Park, a man in a brown uniform attacks a couple before they can have their first kiss. At a coffee shop, a man in a red uniform tasers one of the customers before he can confess his feelings to his true love. Elsewhere in town, a white-uniformed man beats a couple for holding hands, citing the law of [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

As the crisis deepens within the city, its mayor and greatest hero are goofing off at the [[CWCville Mall|mall]] talking about Chris's love for [[Megan]]. While Chris had complained in Episode 12 that Megan had been standoffish towards him, he seems totally optimistic about his prospects when discussing things with Sonichu. Chris even admits that he stopped using his [[Attraction Sign]] since meeting Megan, a sign of his complete confidence in their relationship.

Finally, [[DJ Jamsta]] announces over the radio that [[Jerkops]] have invaded [[CWCville]], and pleads for Chris and Sonichu to get off their asses and do something about it. Chris is amazed that his arch-enemy has recovered so quickly from her defeat in [[Sonichu 4|the last issue]], and recalls how he educated the populace to know the difference between CWCville's police force and the Jerkops.

Meanwhile, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] has assembled her Jerkop army in a standoff with the CWCville police. Together, she and [[Count Graduon]] wait for Chris to arrive. Their plan is simple: during the battle, Chris will be lured into a certain part of the road, where they have hidden the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. Once trapped inside the magic mirror, Chris will not only be unable to prevent PVCC's conquest of CWCville, but the immersion of his Medallion in the Dark Mirror will awaken the dormant evil within [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]].

In what can only be described as a tactical blunder, Chris orders his police force to evacuate the area and clear out, leaving him and his furfag squad to repel the invaders. Chris summons the [[Chaotic Combo]], [[Rosechu]], and his sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], while he transforms into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

Standing united, the nine Electric Hedgehog Pokémon demand that Mary withdraw. Instead, Walsh summons the giant [[CADD Chef]], Keneru Meneth, to destroy Chris. Chris orders Crystal to help him battle the CADD Chef and sends the rest of his forces to battle the Jerkop Army. Chris's failure to reckon with the power of Walsh and Graduon proves disastrous, as they attack Chris and Crystal, frustrating their efforts to battle the giant robot.

Fortunately, [[Sailor Megtune]] and her lesbo pal [[Megagi]] arrive to bail their asses out yet again. Megtune defeats the CADD Chef with one blow, yet once again asks Chris to finish it off anyway. Chris and Crystal use their ultimate attack, the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the CADD Chef completely. As Sonichu's forces have made short work of the Jerkops, Chris turns to deal with the remaining threat of Walsh and Graduon. But before he can fire the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], Graduon springs the trap, and Chris sinks into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. Only the timely assistance of Crystal and Megtune prevents him from falling all the way in, as they grab his hands to keep him from descending further into the dark dimension.

As the [[Medallion]] enters the Dark Mirror, [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] senses Chris's thoughts, and a Black Sonichu [[Medallion]] appears over his chest. Overcome with pain, he undergoes a strange transformation. When [[Black Sonichu]] walks by his room, he mistakes Naitsirhc for Chris, and is horrified to see what his master has become.

In CWCville, Mary and Graduon attempt to flip the mirror, causing Megtune and Crystal to trade places with Chris and become trapped in the mirror themselves. Sensing this at the last second, Crystal hurls Megtune clear, so that only she is trapped. Mary quickly collects the Dark Mirror, holding Crystal hostage as Chris and the others look on, powerless to save her. The story continues in Episode 14, featured in [[Sonichu 6]].

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Sailor Moon]], by guest artist [[Megan Schroeder]].

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent [[CWCipedia]] version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic6Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|Ep. 12: Sailor Soldier Power Pose!
Image:Sonichu05-P42.jpg|...which Chris is too lazy to redraw, so he copy-pastes it into Ep. 13.
Image:Sonichu05-P28.jpg|Only BLACK and BLUE are TRUE!
Image:VirginiaIsForVirginsAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:Schu6p50a.jpg|The infamous "Sailor Asscheeks"; Ep. 13, P. 50
Image:Sonichu05-P50.jpg|Revised P. 50. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!
Image:Schu6p51a.jpg|...and just for good measure, because Megan was probably really pissed about the whole Asscheeks thing...
Image:Sonichu05-P52.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery!
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Megan Schroeder]]
*[[CADD Chef]]
*[[Virginia is for Virgins]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 5

2010-11-22T22:17:35Z

Cows: /* Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #5
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic6Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 29 April 2006
| finishedcomic = 20 June 2006
| pagecount = 53
| episodes = 12-13
| previous = [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]
| next = [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #5''' is the sixth issue of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series.

By this point in his life [[Chris]] was obsessed with [[Megan]], and it shows painfully. For one thing, he's suddenly using ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards all the damn time. Chris quickly clears out premises like his [[Love Quest]] and the Chris/[[Wes]]/[[Sarah Hammer]] triangle so that he can introduce [[Sailor Megtune]] and the storyline that she is clearly meant to be Chris's sweetheart but is mysteriously uncomfortable with his affections. Reading Megan's dialogue in this issue makes it clear he has no earthly idea why she would refuse his advances, and cannot even invent a fictional explanation for the sake of drama.

Episode 13 introduces the first major multi-issue story arc, in which [[Mary Lee Walsh]] finally sets her sights higher than cockblocking a single moron and simply invades [[CWCville]], imprisoning [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]] in a dark mirror. The elements introduced here would continue to play out until Walsh's final defeat in [[Episode 21]].

This issue also abandons all pretense of featuring [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in any meaningful role. In commentary on the ''[[Sonichu 5 Official Videobook|Sonichu 5 Videobook]]'', Chris explains that his [[Barbara|mom]] has forbidden him from writing any more [[Sub-Episodes]], so he does the only logical thing: he makes his miserable life the ''main'' Episode. Whereas issues [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] and [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] set Sonichu aside to introduce new characters, and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] was a special focusing on Chris, ''Sonichu'' #5 makes no such excuses, establishes this as business as usual, and begins a long tradition of Sonichu taking a back seat to his friends, enemies, creator, and even a [[Patti|dead dog]].

==Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_1 ''Episode 12''
| videobook =Sonichu_5_Official_Videobook#Episode_12{{!}}''Episode 12''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic6P1.htm ''Episode 12''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyqJBTtQEX0&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=21 ''Episode 12''
}}
[[Image:Getahintchris.JPG|thumb|Even in his own fantasy world, Chris is unable to take obvious hints. Also - Christ, he wears the medallion to formal occasions.]]
[[Image:120-CWCSpells.jpg|thumb|CWC-Spells!]]
The first half of the comic stars Chris as he saves [[Sarah Hammer]]'s wedding from the evil [[Wes Iseli]]. The story is a sort of coda to the [[Sub-Episodes]] of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], with Chris introducing Megan as his new love interest. Indeed, the entire wedding plot seems to be little more than a convenient way of writing Sarah Hammer out of the story so Megan can take her place.

While past issues of ''Sonichu'' have featured embellished versions of Chris's real-life exploits, the truth behind this story is less clear. The fact that Chris attends the wedding "in spirit" in the comic suggests that he was never actually there at all in real life. This is further supported by his ignorance of wedding traditions (the bride isn't supposed to throw the bouquet to any specific person, and catching the bouquet only means you are more likely to be married if you are a [[Homos|woman]]), and the lack of detail in the depiction of the wedding itself. The guests are never identified, Spicer is "played" by a fictional character, suggesting Chris has never seen the man, and the chapel looks suspiciously similar to one seen in the final scene of the ''[[Excel Saga]]'' anime.

<center>'''''SPOILER ALERT!!!'''''</center>

[[Homos|Chris catches the bouquet at the end.]]

===Synopsis===

Chris opens the story by announcing that "Jack's Knight", a character from a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card, will be playing the part of [[William Spicer]].

In a nondescript chapel, [[Sarah Hammer]] is marrying Spicer before a gathering of white, humanoid blobs sitting in the pews. Also present is Chris, floating invisibly above the proceedings. For some reason, they left the door open to the church, and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] observes from the open doorway. Still bitter over Sarah rejecting him in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], he plans to take revenge.

From his vantage, Chris ponders the new life awaiting his childhood friend. For some reason, he's using the powers of his [[medallion]] to attend the ceremony invisibly, and he regrets being unable to stay long enough to catch the bouquet. Why he feels he must attend in secret, and only for part of the wedding is never explained.

More important to Chris is his recent friendship with a [[Sailor Megtune|"real super girl"]] whom he compares to chocolate strawberry ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' cards or something. His reverie is cut short, however, when his sixth sense alerts him to Wes-Li's attack on William Spicer and abduction of Sarah.

Determined to prevent this, Chris uses his Duel Disk Launcher to "play a 'reasoning'" (read: reason with Wes). Telepathically, he tries to talk Wes out of his plan, pointing out that there are other girls behind the "light magical curtain". But, since Wes has no "conseince," he attacks Spicer anyway, forcing Chris to reveal himself and transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

Still basking in the glow of potential sex with [[Megan]], Chris tries to convince Wes to stand down. Wes beats the shit out of him instead, and races out of the chapel with Sarah over his shoulder. Not wearing her Cherokian bracelets, Sarah is unable to summon the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]] to defend herself.

The guests, apparently nonplussed to see Chris appear in the middle of the chapel and turn into a furfag, implore him to rescue Sarah. Chris responds by spouting even more collectible card game bullshit, which somehow rejuvenates him. Chris catches up to Wes, and continues to define their battle in terms of ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' dueling, despite the fact that Wes has no cards, isn't interested in playing, and refuses to "take turns".

Chris uses some stupid card that teleports Sarah out of Wes's clutches and into his own, even creepier clutches, and he speeds back to the church. Wes attempts to stop them, but his attack backfires thanks to the timely interference of [[Sailor Megtune]] and her bulldyke familiar [[Megagi La Skunk]]. Megtune uses a guitar to repel Wes-Li's attacks and defeat him, while Chris goes gaga at the sight of her in action. Megagi forcefully reminds Chris to finish Wes off, although this would seem to be a formality, since Megtune's attacks have left him lying facefirst in the ground. Chris putts Wes into a black hole or something with a lightning bolt, and declares their "duel" to be over.

Afterward, Chris has returned to his human form, apparently loitering at the church and pondering the lack of momentum he has with Megan, who refuses to even talk to him except by e-mail. Sarah throws him the bridal bouquet as a token of her appreciation of their long friendship.

Chris closes by noting that "catching a bride's bouguet is a sign meaning a strong chance of marriage for you within a few years", [[fail]]ing to realize that this tradition applies to ''women'', whereas the men are supposed to catch the bridal garter thrown by the groom. So all this means is that Chris is likely to marry a dude in the near future.

===Advertisement 1===
[[Virginia is for Virgins]]!

==Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"==
{{Resources
| title =Smashed Hearts & Entrapment
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_24 ''Episode 13''
| videobook =Sonichu_5_Official_Videobook#Episode_13{{!}}''Episode 13''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic6P13.htm ''Episode 13''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p559trLxHDU&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=22 ''Ep. 13 (1 of 2)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCYa6l9wJk&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=23 ''Ep. 13 (2 of 2)''
}}
[[Image:Whatsgoingon.JPG|right|thumb|What, indeed?]]
[[Image:Lolwutdisclaimer.jpg|thumb|TV-Y7]]
The rest of the issue sees Chris battle a full-scale invasion of [[CWCville]]. Crystal becomes trapped in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], a plot twist Chris seems to have devised purely to make himself more sympathetic to Megan in the comic, except that it was an imaginary Megan taking imaginary pity on Chris for the loss of his imaginary twin sister. In spite of the story's total separation from reality, Chris altered the part where Megan hugs him, probably because of objections by the real Megan.

<center>'''''SPOILER ALERT!!!'''''</center>

Megan never loved Christian and never would.

Episode 13 also features some hilariously ill-conceived retroactive continuity to tone down Chris's none-too-subtle sexification of Megchan. On the original Page 50, Megtune comforts and embraces Chris, expressing her relief that Chris is safe, and apologizing that she couldn't help his sister. Ever the class-act, Chris throws in some upskirt fanservice.

The first change came when a disclaimer to this scene was added to page 51 of this version, with Rosechu addressing the reader:
{{quote|Hey-Ay! My papa asked me to set the record straight ... hey, sweet hug on the last page, but I'm afraid it didn't happen for real; you know with his wishful thinkin', but seriously, they are super-cool with each-other, and Papa C. really loves Megan. Okay, cool? Raight! Be sure to check out the ending in the next issue! C-ya!|Rosechu, talking even more stupidly than usual}}

Apparently Chris figured Megan was mad about the hug, not about appearing in ''Sonichu'' in a Magical Girl costume and showing her ass off. So, logically, Chris [[retcon]]ned the scene for more accuracy, explaining that they'd never hugged like that in real life. This is stupid, since it's not like anyone would read ''Sonichu'' and expect it to reflect reality in any way. No one needs a disclaimer to explain that Megan doesn't wear a [[Wikipedia:Sailor Soldier|Sailor Soldier]] outfit and fight crime with Sonic recolors all day.

Ultimately, Chris scrapped the original page 50 altogether, and replaced it with a more passive-aggressive version of Megan's reaction.

Most likely, the revisions occurred shortly after the comic was completed. Chris dates the final page "June 20, 2006". On [[2006#June|June 25]], Megan told Chris to back off, and this was probably marked the beginning of Chris's attempts to modify his portrayal of Megan in the comic to appease her. [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] would mark Megtune's final appearance in the series, replaced by a plainclothes version of Megan, and [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] would see her removed from the story altogether.

===Synopsis===
In [[CWCville]] Park, a man in a brown uniform attacks a couple before they can have their first kiss. At a coffee shop, a man in a red uniform tasers one of the customers before he can confess his feelings to his true love. Elsewhere in town, a white-uniformed man beats a couple for holding hands, citing the law of [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

As the crisis deepens within the city, its mayor and greatest hero are goofing off at the [[CWCville Mall|mall]] talking about Chris's love for [[Megan]]. While Chris had complained in Episode 12 that Megan had been standoffish towards him, he seems totally optimistic about his prospects when discussing things with Sonichu. Chris even admits that he stopped using his [[Attraction Sign]] since meeting Megan, a sign of his complete confidence in their relationship.

Finally, [[DJ Jamsta]] announces over the radio that [[Jerkops]] have invaded [[CWCville]], and pleads for Chris and Sonichu to get off their asses and do something about it. Chris is amazed that his arch-enemy has recovered so quickly from her defeat in [[Sonichu 4|the last issue]], and recalls how he educated the populace to know the difference between CWCville's police force and the Jerkops.

Meanwhile, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] has assembled her Jerkop army in a standoff with the CWCville police. Together, she and [[Count Graduon]] wait for Chris to arrive. Their plan is simple: during the battle, Chris will be lured into a certain part of the road, where they have hidden the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. Once trapped inside the magic mirror, Chris will not only be unable to prevent PVCC's conquest of CWCville, but the immersion of his Medallion in the Dark Mirror will awaken the dormant evil within [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]].

In what can only be described as a tactical blunder, Chris orders his police force to evacuate the area and clear out, leaving him and his furfag squad to repel the invaders. Chris summons the [[Chaotic Combo]], [[Rosechu]], and his sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], while he transforms into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

Standing united, the nine Electric Hedgehog Pokémon demand that Mary withdraw. Instead, Walsh summons the giant [[CADD Chef]], Keneru Meneth, to destroy Chris. Chris orders Crystal to help him battle the CADD Chef and sends the rest of his forces to battle the Jerkop Army. Chris's failure to reckon with the power of Walsh and Graduon proves disastrous, as they attack Chris and Crystal, frustrating their efforts to battle the giant robot.

Fortunately, [[Sailor Megtune]] and her lesbo pal [[Megagi]] arrive to bail their asses out yet again. Megtune defeats the CADD Chef with one blow, yet once again asks Chris to finish it off anyway. Chris and Crystal use their ultimate attack, the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the CADD Chef completely. As Sonichu's forces have made short work of the Jerkops, Chris turns to deal with the remaining threat of Walsh and Graduon. But before he can fire the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], Graduon springs the trap, and Chris sinks into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. Only the timely assistance of Crystal and Megtune prevents him from falling all the way in, as they grab his hands to keep him from descending further into the dark dimension.

As the [[Medallion]] enters the Dark Mirror, [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] senses Chris's thoughts, and a Black Sonichu [[Medallion]] appears over his chest. Overcome with pain, he undergoes a strange transformation. When [[Black Sonichu]] walks by his room, he mistakes Naitsirhc for Chris, and is horrified to see what his master has become.

In CWCville, Mary and Graduon attempt to flip the mirror, causing Megtune and Crystal to trade places with Chris and become trapped in the mirror themselves. Sensing this at the last second, Crystal hurls Megtune clear, so that only she is trapped. Mary quickly collects the Dark Mirror, holding Crystal hostage as Chris and the others look on, powerless to save her. The story continues in Episode 14, featured in [[Sonichu 6]].

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Sailor Moon]], by guest artist [[Megan Schroeder]].

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent [[CWCipedia]] version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic6Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|Ep. 12: Sailor Soldier Power Pose!
Image:Sonichu05-P42.jpg|...which Chris is too lazy to redraw, so he copy-pastes it into Ep. 13.
Image:Sonichu05-P28.jpg|Only BLACK and BLUE are TRUE!
Image:VirginiaIsForVirginsAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:Schu6p50a.jpg|The infamous "Sailor Asscheeks"; Ep. 13, P. 50
Image:Sonichu05-P50.jpg|Revised P. 50. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!
Image:Schu6p51a.jpg|...and just for good measure, because Megan was probably really pissed about the whole Asscheeks thing...
Image:Sonichu05-P52.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery!
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Megan Schroeder]]
*[[CADD Chef]]
*[[Virginia is for Virgins]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:17:10Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:16:54Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:16:32Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:16:11Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2" */

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:15:55Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:15:37Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:15:17Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2010-11-22T22:14:58Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = [[Image:issue4.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 consists entirely of [[sub-episodes]] about [[Chris's]] idiotic [[Love Quest]] and other shit nobody cares about. Chris's [[narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6, and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September [[2005]]. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes; this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the [[Jerkhief]] accuses Christian of solicitation, forcing Chris to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. While planning his wedding, Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian attacks [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but she overpowers him and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail his ass out.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBWmuOrnJo ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with cola. In an unprecedented moment, Chris decides that he will need to bathe, and takes a "CWC" shower that lasts exactly three seconds (He seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his shitty homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Hearth Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[anchuent powers]] as he does, and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, suggesting that the twins' intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, W-M-Manajerk confesses that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mGGPtHbA ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"Sonichu MAH BOI, this China is what all true autistic virgins strive for!" ]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The [[Jerkhief]]'s, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to psychically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdr-w1TNO60 ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]]. Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from an astonishing height of at least ten feet.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6SOh0iDGgE ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by one of Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hogtying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, hogtied on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of [[semen|indeterminate liquid]]. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement to re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issue4.jpg|Cover
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
Image:Historicalsubtext.jpg|Episode 6
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 3

2010-11-22T22:14:35Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = ''Sonichu'' #3
| cover = [[Image:Issue3.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 20 June 2005
| finishedcomic = 21 Feb 2006
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 10-11
| sub-episodes = 4
| previous = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
| next = [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #3''' is the fourth issue of the series.

This issue introduces the [[Chaotic Combo]], the five Electric Hedgehogs who basically exist to be Sonichu and Rosechu's friends. Rather than just have more [[rainbow]] beams hit unsuspecting [[Pokémon]], Chris gets it in his head that baby Sonichus would be cute and decides to spend all of Episode 10 chronicling the entire life stories of five different characters. Each of the Combo's origin stories are virtually identical, as they are created as eggs from the magical rainbow and then deposited umpteen years in the past, where they're adopted by people or Pokémon who cultivate their abilities until they evolve. Making matters worse, Chris's concept for [[Sonee and Rosey|baby Sonichus and Rosechus]] is that they are unable to speak beyond saying "Sonee?" or "Rosey!", thereby guaranteeing page upon page with almost no intelligible dialogue. The troll community almost unanimously agrees that "Sonichu Babies" is one of the most aggravating pieces of Sonichu material made, and is the most likely to result in some kind of violence, due to the irrational anger it can and has caused. This issue took Chris ''seven months'' to complete; even he seems to have struggled to get through it.

In Episode 11, the Chaotic Combo is united for the first time by Sonichu, whereupon they [[Target|dogpile]] [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] in a six-on-one beatdown.

==Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu Babies
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_1 ''Episode 10''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Episode_10{{!}}''Episode 10''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic4P1.htm ''Episode 10''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q_dTiRnkUA&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=10 ''Ep. 10 (1 of 2)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEx92oxso6c&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=11 ''Ep. 10 (2 of 2)''
}}
[[Image:MagiChanFarts.JPG|thumb|Inappropriate flatulence is something [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|Chris also experiences.]]]]
It is explained that the [[rainbow]] of Chaos Energy that emerged from Sonichu's collision with Sonic created five eggs that landed in various areas within a few miles of [[CWCville]]. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], the narrator, congratulates himself on this cute intro, and presents what [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] would have looked like if they had been born as Sonee and Rosey, which makes no sense because they first appeared fully-grown, having evolved from mature Pokémon.

Each of these eggs is shown hatching into a new baby [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. First, the green egg lands in the jungle and the hatchling is raised by a [[Venusaur]] and a [[Scyther]], who teach him various survival skills. In time, [[Wild Sonichu]] develops his ability to shoot vines from his arms, fly with his propeller-like tail (a skill he has never once used), and camouflage himself into his surroundings.

The blue egg lands in the ocean, where it is recovered by a [[Swampert]] who takes it to the beach to hatch. The resulting Rosey loves to play in the water with her "mother," until one day a [[Boulder-Dropping Whale|Wailord inexplicably drops a boulder]] onto Swampert, causing it to sink into the depths. Terrified, the Rosey tries to save Swampert, but is too weak; however, its effort causes it to evolve, and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is able to save her. Bubbles is so happy to reveal her origin that she decides to make a seashell necklace (which we never see), just like the stupid vagina-having strumpet she is.

The white egg somehow ends up at the doorstep of an convent, where it is discovered by some nuns who live there. The nuns raise the white Rosey, who learns the Roman Catholic faith alongside them. They also inexplicably keep her eggshell around, presumably as a memento or proof of a miracle. (Catholics love the latter.) She evolves into [[Angelica Rosechu]] in her sleep one night, and conveniently Christian Chandler is [[attraction location|outside her bedroom window]] with shoes and a scrunchie for her to wear in her new form (even though the other Sonichus and Rosechus just get new clothing for no reason after evolving).

The red egg crashes into Nabe's [[Wikipedia:dojo|dojo]]-shin, immediately hatching into a Sonee. Inspired by his surroundings, the Sonee tries to fight. Mypoe accepts the Sonee's challenge, and for no apparent reason rips its fucking tail right off its Got-dang body (holy shit!). This trauma causes the Sonee to evolve into [[Punchy Sonichu]]. Punchy uses his impressive strength to Sky Uppercut Mypoe straight through the roof, never to be seen again. Impressed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Nabe offers to teach Punchy the ways of the martial arts, at which Punchy excels.

The purple egg hatches inside a mysterious mountain, where it seems to be alone. However, the Sonee is telepathically contacted by [[Mewtwo]] from a nearby city. Mewtwo has noticed the Sonee's telepathic powers and wishes the mentor him in the use of those abilities. In this way the Sonee learns to master his abilities and vicariously learns about the outside world and [[Wikipedia:Jackie Chan|Jackie Chan]] movies. One day during his routine meditation he evolves into [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]. Then he farts. Seriously. Mewtwo congratulates Magi-Chan and sends him off to find his destiny, promising that they will meet in person someday... '''SPOILER:''' They don't.

===Advertisement 1===
Join [[MySpace]], the premier online community for dudes of all [[pedofork|teenages]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-minds]], and [[Saddest Heart in the World|cutters]]! Chris already has, and he needs more friends. At this time, Sonichu is his only friend =(
{{-}}

===Analysis===
The stories are [[Chris and writing|unsurprisingly dull and clichéd]]. Three of the five stories follow the same pattern: Egg is found by foster parents and hatches, foster parents teach child valuable skills as child struggles to accomplish them, and child evolves after an unspecified time and has suddenly mastered the aforementioned skills. Bubbles's story is similar, without the "valuable skills" part. Punchy's story is the only one that deviates from the formula, and therefore the only one that's remotely interesting. Indeed, the pages each story occupies are nearly identical in layout.

==Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"==
{{Resources
| title =When Hedgehogs Meet
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_13 ''Episode 11''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Episode_11{{!}}''Episode 11''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic4P7.htm ''Episode 11''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxjNwj7T_iU&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=20 ''Episode 11''
}}
[[Image:Exposition.JPG|thumb|''Sonichu 3'' demonstrates Chris' subtle use of exposition.]]
''When Hedgehogs Meet'' is probably supposed to sound like a really epic title, but, due to the fact that hedgehogs are inherently silly animals, any such drama falls flat. The story is introduced by [[Flame the Sunbird]], who explains the significance of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], a mystical artifact that must remain safe on his island to prevent people from growing or losing extra appendages.

Just then [[Black Sonichu]] jumps out of a helicopter on orders from [[Naitsirhc]] to steal the very same stone Flame was just telling us about. The black fiend, being larger and stronger than Flame, easily overpowers him and, having a simplistic notion of justice, takes the Sunstone away on his hoverboard. Flame goes after him, and attempts to subdue Black Sonichu with Drill Peck, but the devious darkie uses Double Team to confuse his pursuer.

Amid this commotion, Black Sonichu's hoverboard somehow creates a wave that washes over the beach as he reaches the mainland, thoroughly drenching [[Bubbles]], who was relaxing on the shore. With little regard for others, Blachu speeds through the jungle, knocking [[Wild]] off-balance as he swings through the trees. Finally, in another part of the wilderness, [[Punchy]] is practicing his punches when he catches his spiky knuckles on the hoverboard, and he is dragged along for the ride.

Near her convent, [[Angelica]] is using her powers to somehow cause flowers to grow in a lovely pattern that reads "HOPE & PEACE" (Of course, since she's the only one who can fly, she's the only one who can see it. Stupid bitch.). Just then Black Sonichu and Punchy zoom by, with Punchy hitting a tree and falling from the hoverboard. While Angelica checks on Punchy, Bubbles, Wild, and Flame catch up. Each of the hedgehogs is delighted to meet others of their kind, and make introductions. From a distance, [[Magi-Chan]] observes this and realizes the others are forgetting about Blachu, so he zaps off to remind them.

Meanwhile, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] finally bothers to show up on page 23 of his own damn comic, having somehow already arrived at the conclusion that a black guy is out stealing things. Just before Blachu can reach the safety of Team Rocket's headquarters, Sonichu intercepts him. After a brief scuffle, Sonichu finds he has reinforcements - Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, Flame, and Magi-Chan have all teleported in. Black Sonichu remains defiant, perhaps due to unconscionable amounts of crack cocaine and PCP he has ingested. While Flame falls into a bush and exits the fight, the hedgehogs huddle up and Sonichu comes up with a brilliant strategy:

{{quote|Avoid his attacks, and attack him with your punches, kicks, wing attacks; that sort!}}

The [[Chaotic Combo]] employs this plan of attacking their opponent while not letting him hit them, but little strategy is needed when it's six against one, and Black Sonichu is easily beaten by superior numbers.

===Advertisement 2===
An advertisement for an escort/prostitution service specifically catered to the needs of welfare-livin', homebound, 20-something male virgins. FREE!

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_31 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_4{{!}}''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic4P16.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3G6fHSV7po&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=15 ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
One year and ten months have now passed since [[Christian Weston Chandler]] began his [[Love Quest]], but he has still been unable to locate "an 18-23-year-old, [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend free]], caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to build a relationship from the [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|ground-up]] with." We find Chris at [[McDonald's|M-C-Dville]] in the region of [[Mal-Wart]], drawing comics and listening to music on his [[Nintendo]] DS and generally not purchasing food or otherwise justifying his presence there. He blames his inadequacy on all men everywhere (except for himself and [[Bob Chandler|his father]]), who have taken all of the pretty girls for themselves. In happier thoughts, Chris is glad to have <s>paid for</s> earned a pair of [[Anime Wings|hair clips shaped like wings]] at a recent anime convention, although this prize was probably intended for a twelve-year-old girl.

Just then, the McDuo of M-C-Dville, [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], arrive. They have been notified by the [[Jerkhief]] of [[Fa-Square]] that Christian is on a quest to find true love, which is forbidden in Mal-Wart. Backed up by an army of the Jerkhief's [[Mecha-Jerkops]], they accuse Chris of solicitation. Chris makes a boring speech and refuses to back down, and the Mecha-Jerkops advance upon him. However, just then [[Darkbind Sonichu]] makes his debut, slicing the Mecha-Jerkops into pieces with his sword. Darkbind acknowledges his loyalty to Chris due to him being both the mayor of [[CWCville]] and his creator.

Chris summons the [[anchuent powers]] of his [[medallion]] to become [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and somehow the anime wings become real wings on his head, making him into [[Super Chris-chan Sonichu]]. While Darkbind dismembers the cybernetic [[Merried Seinor Comic]], Chris takes to the air to combat [[B-Manajerk]] with Aerial Ace, Double Team, and Thunderbolt. With his trusty [[Pixelblocks]], Chris-Chan creates a decoy of himself, which B-Manajerk mistakes for the real thing and attacks with his axe. The broken pieces of Pixelblocks become lodged his skin, diverting him while Chris sneaks up from behind with a Sky Uppercut. [[Homos|Yes, he did an uppercut to the back.]] With the villains defeated, Darkbind hurries to leave before Chris can revert to human form and deliver his big speech:

{{quote|Now, as for you two [[Manajerks]], the pain that you both are feeling now should be punishment enough for going against me in my quest for a [[Boyfriend-free girl]] to love and trust! I do not care about your rules, either of you, or any male other than my father and myself! But let me make it perfectly clear that in my quest it is very hard for me to find a girl due to the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]! And I do not want to risk getting a punch in the face from a [[jerk]]! Also, since the ladies are unable to notice my person, because [[Women's rights|they mostly have shopping on their minds]], I have to loudly spell it out. So, place, just leave me alone with my Love Quest!}}

This simple request is refused by a voice over the intercom, and Chris finds himself beset by the ruler of the Mal-Wart Region, the dreaded [[W-M-Manajerk]].

[[Sub-Episode 5|TO BE CONTINUED...]]

===Back Cover===
As with ''Sonichu'' #2, early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent [[CWCipedia]] version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Issue3.jpg|Cover
Image:ComicMyspace.jpg|Ad 1: MySpace
Image:1800RITENOW.jpg|Ad 2: 1-800-RITE-NOW
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[B-Manajerk]]
*[[Merried Seinor Comic]]
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 3

2010-11-22T22:14:14Z

Cows: /* Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = ''Sonichu'' #3
| cover = [[Image:Issue3.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 20 June 2005
| finishedcomic = 21 Feb 2006
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 10-11
| sub-episodes = 4
| previous = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
| next = [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #3''' is the fourth issue of the series.

This issue introduces the [[Chaotic Combo]], the five Electric Hedgehogs who basically exist to be Sonichu and Rosechu's friends. Rather than just have more [[rainbow]] beams hit unsuspecting [[Pokémon]], Chris gets it in his head that baby Sonichus would be cute and decides to spend all of Episode 10 chronicling the entire life stories of five different characters. Each of the Combo's origin stories are virtually identical, as they are created as eggs from the magical rainbow and then deposited umpteen years in the past, where they're adopted by people or Pokémon who cultivate their abilities until they evolve. Making matters worse, Chris's concept for [[Sonee and Rosey|baby Sonichus and Rosechus]] is that they are unable to speak beyond saying "Sonee?" or "Rosey!", thereby guaranteeing page upon page with almost no intelligible dialogue. The troll community almost unanimously agrees that "Sonichu Babies" is one of the most aggravating pieces of Sonichu material made, and is the most likely to result in some kind of violence, due to the irrational anger it can and has caused. This issue took Chris ''seven months'' to complete; even he seems to have struggled to get through it.

In Episode 11, the Chaotic Combo is united for the first time by Sonichu, whereupon they [[Target|dogpile]] [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] in a six-on-one beatdown.

==Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu Babies
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_1 ''Episode 10''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Episode_10{{!}}''Episode 10''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic4P1.htm ''Episode 10''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q_dTiRnkUA&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=10 ''Ep. 10 (1 of 2)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEx92oxso6c&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=11 ''Ep. 10 (2 of 2)''
}}
[[Image:MagiChanFarts.JPG|thumb|Inappropriate flatulence is something [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|Chris also experiences.]]]]
It is explained that the [[rainbow]] of Chaos Energy that emerged from Sonichu's collision with Sonic created five eggs that landed in various areas within a few miles of [[CWCville]]. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], the narrator, congratulates himself on this cute intro, and presents what [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] would have looked like if they had been born as Sonee and Rosey, which makes no sense because they first appeared fully-grown, having evolved from mature Pokémon.

Each of these eggs is shown hatching into a new baby [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. First, the green egg lands in the jungle and the hatchling is raised by a [[Venusaur]] and a [[Scyther]], who teach him various survival skills. In time, [[Wild Sonichu]] develops his ability to shoot vines from his arms, fly with his propeller-like tail (a skill he has never once used), and camouflage himself into his surroundings.

The blue egg lands in the ocean, where it is recovered by a [[Swampert]] who takes it to the beach to hatch. The resulting Rosey loves to play in the water with her "mother," until one day a [[Boulder-Dropping Whale|Wailord inexplicably drops a boulder]] onto Swampert, causing it to sink into the depths. Terrified, the Rosey tries to save Swampert, but is too weak; however, its effort causes it to evolve, and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is able to save her. Bubbles is so happy to reveal her origin that she decides to make a seashell necklace (which we never see), just like the stupid vagina-having strumpet she is.

The white egg somehow ends up at the doorstep of an convent, where it is discovered by some nuns who live there. The nuns raise the white Rosey, who learns the Roman Catholic faith alongside them. They also inexplicably keep her eggshell around, presumably as a memento or proof of a miracle. (Catholics love the latter.) She evolves into [[Angelica Rosechu]] in her sleep one night, and conveniently Christian Chandler is [[attraction location|outside her bedroom window]] with shoes and a scrunchie for her to wear in her new form (even though the other Sonichus and Rosechus just get new clothing for no reason after evolving).

The red egg crashes into Nabe's [[Wikipedia:dojo|dojo]]-shin, immediately hatching into a Sonee. Inspired by his surroundings, the Sonee tries to fight. Mypoe accepts the Sonee's challenge, and for no apparent reason rips its fucking tail right off its Got-dang body (holy shit!). This trauma causes the Sonee to evolve into [[Punchy Sonichu]]. Punchy uses his impressive strength to Sky Uppercut Mypoe straight through the roof, never to be seen again. Impressed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Nabe offers to teach Punchy the ways of the martial arts, at which Punchy excels.

The purple egg hatches inside a mysterious mountain, where it seems to be alone. However, the Sonee is telepathically contacted by [[Mewtwo]] from a nearby city. Mewtwo has noticed the Sonee's telepathic powers and wishes the mentor him in the use of those abilities. In this way the Sonee learns to master his abilities and vicariously learns about the outside world and [[Wikipedia:Jackie Chan|Jackie Chan]] movies. One day during his routine meditation he evolves into [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]. Then he farts. Seriously. Mewtwo congratulates Magi-Chan and sends him off to find his destiny, promising that they will meet in person someday... '''SPOILER:''' They don't.

===Advertisement 1===
Join [[MySpace]], the premier online community for dudes of all [[pedofork|teenages]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-minds]], and [[Saddest Heart in the World|cutters]]! Chris already has, and he needs more friends. At this time, Sonichu is his only friend =(
{{-}}

===Analysis===
The stories are [[Chris and writing|unsurprisingly dull and clichéd]]. Three of the five stories follow the same pattern: Egg is found by foster parents and hatches, foster parents teach child valuable skills as child struggles to accomplish them, and child evolves after an unspecified time and has suddenly mastered the aforementioned skills. Bubbles's story is similar, without the "valuable skills" part. Punchy's story is the only one that deviates from the formula, and therefore the only one that's remotely interesting. Indeed, the pages each story occupies are nearly identical in layout.

==Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"==
{{Resources
| title =When Hedgehogs Meet
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_13 ''Episode 11''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Episode_11{{!}}''Episode 11''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic4P7.htm ''Episode 11''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxjNwj7T_iU&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=20 ''Episode 11''
}}
[[Image:Exposition.JPG|thumb|''Sonichu 3'' demonstrates Chris' subtle use of exposition.]]
''When Hedgehogs Meet'' is probably supposed to sound like a really epic title, but, due to the fact that hedgehogs are inherently silly animals, any such drama falls flat. The story is introduced by [[Flame the Sunbird]], who explains the significance of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], a mystical artifact that must remain safe on his island to prevent people from growing or losing extra appendages.

Just then [[Black Sonichu]] jumps out of a helicopter on orders from [[Naitsirhc]] to steal the very same stone Flame was just telling us about. The black fiend, being larger and stronger than Flame, easily overpowers him and, having a simplistic notion of justice, takes the Sunstone away on his hoverboard. Flame goes after him, and attempts to subdue Black Sonichu with Drill Peck, but the devious darkie uses Double Team to confuse his pursuer.

Amid this commotion, Black Sonichu's hoverboard somehow creates a wave that washes over the beach as he reaches the mainland, thoroughly drenching [[Bubbles]], who was relaxing on the shore. With little regard for others, Blachu speeds through the jungle, knocking [[Wild]] off-balance as he swings through the trees. Finally, in another part of the wilderness, [[Punchy]] is practicing his punches when he catches his spiky knuckles on the hoverboard, and he is dragged along for the ride.

Near her convent, [[Angelica]] is using her powers to somehow cause flowers to grow in a lovely pattern that reads "HOPE & PEACE" (Of course, since she's the only one who can fly, she's the only one who can see it. Stupid bitch.). Just then Black Sonichu and Punchy zoom by, with Punchy hitting a tree and falling from the hoverboard. While Angelica checks on Punchy, Bubbles, Wild, and Flame catch up. Each of the hedgehogs is delighted to meet others of their kind, and make introductions. From a distance, [[Magi-Chan]] observes this and realizes the others are forgetting about Blachu, so he zaps off to remind them.

Meanwhile, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] finally bothers to show up on page 23 of his own damn comic, having somehow already arrived at the conclusion that a black guy is out stealing things. Just before Blachu can reach the safety of Team Rocket's headquarters, Sonichu intercepts him. After a brief scuffle, Sonichu finds he has reinforcements - Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, Flame, and Magi-Chan have all teleported in. Black Sonichu remains defiant, perhaps due to unconscionable amounts of crack cocaine and PCP he has ingested. While Flame falls into a bush and exits the fight, the hedgehogs huddle up and Sonichu comes up with a brilliant strategy:

{{quote|Avoid his attacks, and attack him with your punches, kicks, wing attacks; that sort!}}

The [[Chaotic Combo]] employs this plan of attacking their opponent while not letting him hit them, but little strategy is needed when it's six against one, and Black Sonichu is easily beaten by superior numbers.

===Advertisement 2===
An advertisement for an escort/prostitution service specifically catered to the needs of welfare-livin', homebound, 20-something male virgins. FREE!

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_31 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_4{{!}}''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic4P16.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3G6fHSV7po&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=15 ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
One year and ten months have now passed since [[Christian Weston Chandler]] began his [[Love Quest]], but he has still been unable to locate "an 18-23-year-old, [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend free]], caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to build a relationship from the [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|ground-up]] with." We find Chris at [[McDonald's|M-C-Dville]] in the region of [[Mal-Wart]], drawing comics and listening to music on his [[Nintendo]] DS and generally not purchasing food or otherwise justifying his presence there. He blames his inadequacy on all men everywhere (except for himself and [[Bob Chandler|his father]]), who have taken all of the pretty girls for themselves. In happier thoughts, Chris is glad to have <s>paid for</s> earned a pair of [[Anime Wings|hair clips shaped like wings]] at a recent anime convention, although this prize was probably intended for a twelve-year-old girl.

Just then, the McDuo of M-C-Dville, [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], arrive. They have been notified by the [[Jerkhief]] of [[Fa-Square]] that Christian is on a quest to find true love, which is forbidden in Mal-Wart. Backed up by an army of the Jerkhief's [[Mecha-Jerkops]], they accuse Chris of solicitation. Chris makes a boring speech and refuses to back down, and the Mecha-Jerkops advance upon him. However, just then [[Darkbind Sonichu]] makes his debut, slicing the Mecha-Jerkops into pieces with his sword. Darkbind acknowledges his loyalty to Chris due to him being both the mayor of [[CWCville]] and his creator.

Chris summons the [[anchuent powers]] of his [[medallion]] to become [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and somehow the anime wings become real wings on his head, making him into [[Super Chris-chan Sonichu]]. While Darkbind dismembers the cybernetic [[Merried Seinor Comic]], Chris takes to the air to combat [[B-Manajerk]] with Aerial Ace, Double Team, and Thunderbolt. With his trusty [[Pixelblocks]], Chris-Chan creates a decoy of himself, which B-Manajerk mistakes for the real thing and attacks with his axe. The broken pieces of Pixelblocks become lodged his skin, diverting him while Chris sneaks up from behind with a Sky Uppercut. [[Homos|Yes, he did an uppercut to the back.]] With the villains defeated, Darkbind hurries to leave before Chris can revert to human form and deliver his big speech:

{{quote|Now, as for you two [[Manajerks]], the pain that you both are feeling now should be punishment enough for going against me in my quest for a [[Boyfriend-free girl]] to love and trust! I do not care about your rules, either of you, or any male other than my father and myself! But let me make it perfectly clear that in my quest it is very hard for me to find a girl due to the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]! And I do not want to risk getting a punch in the face from a [[jerk]]! Also, since the ladies are unable to notice my person, because [[Women's rights|they mostly have shopping on their minds]], I have to loudly spell it out. So, place, just leave me alone with my Love Quest!}}

This simple request is refused by a voice over the intercom, and Chris finds himself beset by the ruler of the Mal-Wart Region, the dreaded [[W-M-Manajerk]].

[[Sub-Episode 5|TO BE CONTINUED...]]

===Back Cover===
As with ''Sonichu'' #2, early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent [[CWCipedia]] version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Issue3.jpg|Cover
Image:ComicMyspace.jpg|Ad 1: MySpace
Image:1800RITENOW.jpg|Ad 2: 1-800-RITE-NOW
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[B-Manajerk]]
*[[Merried Seinor Comic]]
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 3

2010-11-22T22:13:47Z

Cows: /* Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = ''Sonichu'' #3
| cover = [[Image:Issue3.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 20 June 2005
| finishedcomic = 21 Feb 2006
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 10-11
| sub-episodes = 4
| previous = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
| next = [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #3''' is the fourth issue of the series.

This issue introduces the [[Chaotic Combo]], the five Electric Hedgehogs who basically exist to be Sonichu and Rosechu's friends. Rather than just have more [[rainbow]] beams hit unsuspecting [[Pokémon]], Chris gets it in his head that baby Sonichus would be cute and decides to spend all of Episode 10 chronicling the entire life stories of five different characters. Each of the Combo's origin stories are virtually identical, as they are created as eggs from the magical rainbow and then deposited umpteen years in the past, where they're adopted by people or Pokémon who cultivate their abilities until they evolve. Making matters worse, Chris's concept for [[Sonee and Rosey|baby Sonichus and Rosechus]] is that they are unable to speak beyond saying "Sonee?" or "Rosey!", thereby guaranteeing page upon page with almost no intelligible dialogue. The troll community almost unanimously agrees that "Sonichu Babies" is one of the most aggravating pieces of Sonichu material made, and is the most likely to result in some kind of violence, due to the irrational anger it can and has caused. This issue took Chris ''seven months'' to complete; even he seems to have struggled to get through it.

In Episode 11, the Chaotic Combo is united for the first time by Sonichu, whereupon they [[Target|dogpile]] [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] in a six-on-one beatdown.

==Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu Babies
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_1 ''Episode 10''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Episode_10{{!}}''Episode 10''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic4P1.htm ''Episode 10''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q_dTiRnkUA&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=10 ''Ep. 10 (1 of 2)''
| audiobook2 =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEx92oxso6c&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=11 ''Ep. 10 (2 of 2)''
}}
[[Image:MagiChanFarts.JPG|thumb|Inappropriate flatulence is something [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|Chris also experiences.]]]]
It is explained that the [[rainbow]] of Chaos Energy that emerged from Sonichu's collision with Sonic created five eggs that landed in various areas within a few miles of [[CWCville]]. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], the narrator, congratulates himself on this cute intro, and presents what [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] would have looked like if they had been born as Sonee and Rosey, which makes no sense because they first appeared fully-grown, having evolved from mature Pokémon.

Each of these eggs is shown hatching into a new baby [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. First, the green egg lands in the jungle and the hatchling is raised by a [[Venusaur]] and a [[Scyther]], who teach him various survival skills. In time, [[Wild Sonichu]] develops his ability to shoot vines from his arms, fly with his propeller-like tail (a skill he has never once used), and camouflage himself into his surroundings.

The blue egg lands in the ocean, where it is recovered by a [[Swampert]] who takes it to the beach to hatch. The resulting Rosey loves to play in the water with her "mother," until one day a [[Boulder-Dropping Whale|Wailord inexplicably drops a boulder]] onto Swampert, causing it to sink into the depths. Terrified, the Rosey tries to save Swampert, but is too weak; however, its effort causes it to evolve, and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is able to save her. Bubbles is so happy to reveal her origin that she decides to make a seashell necklace (which we never see), just like the stupid vagina-having strumpet she is.

The white egg somehow ends up at the doorstep of an convent, where it is discovered by some nuns who live there. The nuns raise the white Rosey, who learns the Roman Catholic faith alongside them. They also inexplicably keep her eggshell around, presumably as a memento or proof of a miracle. (Catholics love the latter.) She evolves into [[Angelica Rosechu]] in her sleep one night, and conveniently Christian Chandler is [[attraction location|outside her bedroom window]] with shoes and a scrunchie for her to wear in her new form (even though the other Sonichus and Rosechus just get new clothing for no reason after evolving).

The red egg crashes into Nabe's [[Wikipedia:dojo|dojo]]-shin, immediately hatching into a Sonee. Inspired by his surroundings, the Sonee tries to fight. Mypoe accepts the Sonee's challenge, and for no apparent reason rips its fucking tail right off its Got-dang body (holy shit!). This trauma causes the Sonee to evolve into [[Punchy Sonichu]]. Punchy uses his impressive strength to Sky Uppercut Mypoe straight through the roof, never to be seen again. Impressed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Nabe offers to teach Punchy the ways of the martial arts, at which Punchy excels.

The purple egg hatches inside a mysterious mountain, where it seems to be alone. However, the Sonee is telepathically contacted by [[Mewtwo]] from a nearby city. Mewtwo has noticed the Sonee's telepathic powers and wishes the mentor him in the use of those abilities. In this way the Sonee learns to master his abilities and vicariously learns about the outside world and [[Wikipedia:Jackie Chan|Jackie Chan]] movies. One day during his routine meditation he evolves into [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]]. Then he farts. Seriously. Mewtwo congratulates Magi-Chan and sends him off to find his destiny, promising that they will meet in person someday... '''SPOILER:''' They don't.

===Advertisement 1===
Join [[MySpace]], the premier online community for dudes of all [[pedofork|teenages]], [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-minds]], and [[Saddest Heart in the World|cutters]]! Chris already has, and he needs more friends. At this time, Sonichu is his only friend =(
{{-}}

===Analysis===
The stories are [[Chris and writing|unsurprisingly dull and clichéd]]. Three of the five stories follow the same pattern: Egg is found by foster parents and hatches, foster parents teach child valuable skills as child struggles to accomplish them, and child evolves after an unspecified time and has suddenly mastered the aforementioned skills. Bubbles's story is similar, without the "valuable skills" part. Punchy's story is the only one that deviates from the formula, and therefore the only one that's remotely interesting. Indeed, the pages each story occupies are nearly identical in layout.

==Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"==
{{Resources
| title =When Hedgehogs Meet
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_13 ''Episode 11''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Episode_11{{!}}''Episode 11''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic4P7.htm ''Episode 11''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxjNwj7T_iU&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=20 ''Episode 11''
}}
[[Image:Exposition.JPG|thumb|''Sonichu 3'' demonstrates Chris' subtle use of exposition.]]
''When Hedgehogs Meet'' is probably supposed to sound like a really epic title, but, due to the fact that hedgehogs are inherently silly animals, any such drama falls flat. The story is introduced by [[Flame the Sunbird]], who explains the significance of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], a mystical artifact that must remain safe on his island to prevent people from growing or losing extra appendages.

Just then [[Black Sonichu]] jumps out of a helicopter on orders from [[Naitsirhc]] to steal the very same stone Flame was just telling us about. The black fiend, being larger and stronger than Flame, easily overpowers him and, having a simplistic notion of justice, takes the Sunstone away on his hoverboard. Flame goes after him, and attempts to subdue Black Sonichu with Drill Peck, but the devious darkie uses Double Team to confuse his pursuer.

Amid this commotion, Black Sonichu's hoverboard somehow creates a wave that washes over the beach as he reaches the mainland, thoroughly drenching [[Bubbles]], who was relaxing on the shore. With little regard for others, Blachu speeds through the jungle, knocking [[Wild]] off-balance as he swings through the trees. Finally, in another part of the wilderness, [[Punchy]] is practicing his punches when he catches his spiky knuckles on the hoverboard, and he is dragged along for the ride.

Near her convent, [[Angelica]] is using her powers to somehow cause flowers to grow in a lovely pattern that reads "HOPE & PEACE" (Of course, since she's the only one who can fly, she's the only one who can see it. Stupid bitch.). Just then Black Sonichu and Punchy zoom by, with Punchy hitting a tree and falling from the hoverboard. While Angelica checks on Punchy, Bubbles, Wild, and Flame catch up. Each of the hedgehogs is delighted to meet others of their kind, and make introductions. From a distance, [[Magi-Chan]] observes this and realizes the others are forgetting about Blachu, so he zaps off to remind them.

Meanwhile, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] finally bothers to show up on page 23 of his own damn comic, having somehow already arrived at the conclusion that a black guy is out stealing things. Just before Blachu can reach the safety of Team Rocket's headquarters, Sonichu intercepts him. After a brief scuffle, Sonichu finds he has reinforcements - Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, Flame, and Magi-Chan have all teleported in. Black Sonichu remains defiant, perhaps due to unconscionable amounts of crack cocaine and PCP he has ingested. While Flame falls into a bush and exits the fight, the hedgehogs huddle up and Sonichu comes up with a brilliant strategy:

{{quote|Avoid his attacks, and attack him with your punches, kicks, wing attacks; that sort!}}

The [[Chaotic Combo]] employs this plan of attacking their opponent while not letting him hit them, but little strategy is needed when it's six against one, and Black Sonichu is easily beaten by superior numbers.

===Advertisement 2===
An advertisement for an escort/prostitution service specifically catered to the needs of welfare-livin', homebound, 20-something male virgins. FREE!

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_31 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_4{{!}}''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic4P16.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3G6fHSV7po&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=15 ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
One year and ten months have now passed since [[Christian Weston Chandler]] began his [[Love Quest]], but he has still been unable to locate "an 18-23-year-old, [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend free]], caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to build a relationship from the [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|ground-up]] with." We find Chris at [[McDonald's|M-C-Dville]] in the region of [[Mal-Wart]], drawing comics and listening to music on his [[Nintendo]] DS and generally not purchasing food or otherwise justifying his presence there. He blames his inadequacy on all men everywhere (except for himself and [[Bob Chandler|his father]]), who have taken all of the pretty girls for themselves. In happier thoughts, Chris is glad to have <s>paid for</s> earned a pair of [[Anime Wings|hair clips shaped like wings]] at a recent anime convention, although this prize was probably intended for a twelve-year-old girl.

Just then, the McDuo of M-C-Dville, [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], arrive. They have been notified by the [[Jerkhief]] of [[Fa-Square]] that Christian is on a quest to find true love, which is forbidden in Mal-Wart. Backed up by an army of the Jerkhief's [[Mecha-Jerkops]], they accuse Chris of solicitation. Chris makes a boring speech and refuses to back down, and the Mecha-Jerkops advance upon him. However, just then [[Darkbind Sonichu]] makes his debut, slicing the Mecha-Jerkops into pieces with his sword. Darkbind acknowledges his loyalty to Chris due to him being both the mayor of [[CWCville]] and his creator.

Chris summons the [[anchuent powers]] of his [[medallion]] to become [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and somehow the anime wings become real wings on his head, making him into [[Super Chris-chan Sonichu]]. While Darkbind dismembers the cybernetic [[Merried Seinor Comic]], Chris takes to the air to combat [[B-Manajerk]] with Aerial Ace, Double Team, and Thunderbolt. With his trusty [[Pixelblocks]], Chris-Chan creates a decoy of himself, which B-Manajerk mistakes for the real thing and attacks with his axe. The broken pieces of Pixelblocks become lodged his skin, diverting him while Chris sneaks up from behind with a Sky Uppercut. [[Homos|Yes, he did an uppercut to the back.]] With the villains defeated, Darkbind hurries to leave before Chris can revert to human form and deliver his big speech:

{{quote|Now, as for you two [[Manajerks]], the pain that you both are feeling now should be punishment enough for going against me in my quest for a [[Boyfriend-free girl]] to love and trust! I do not care about your rules, either of you, or any male other than my father and myself! But let me make it perfectly clear that in my quest it is very hard for me to find a girl due to the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]! And I do not want to risk getting a punch in the face from a [[jerk]]! Also, since the ladies are unable to notice my person, because [[Women's rights|they mostly have shopping on their minds]], I have to loudly spell it out. So, place, just leave me alone with my Love Quest!}}

This simple request is refused by a voice over the intercom, and Chris finds himself beset by the ruler of the Mal-Wart Region, the dreaded [[W-M-Manajerk]].

[[Sub-Episode 5|TO BE CONTINUED...]]

===Back Cover===
As with ''Sonichu'' #2, early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent [[CWCipedia]] version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Issue3.jpg|Cover
Image:ComicMyspace.jpg|Ad 1: MySpace
Image:1800RITENOW.jpg|Ad 2: 1-800-RITE-NOW
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[B-Manajerk]]
*[[Merried Seinor Comic]]
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 2

2010-11-22T22:01:11Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #2
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 April 2005
| finishedcomic = 3 May 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 7-9
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
| next = [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #2''''' is the third [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. This is where the comic begins to focus mostly on [[Chris]], with [[Sonichu]] as a side character.

This issue introduces one of the bigger macguffins in Sonichu canon, the "Anchuent Prophecy" that by predicting future events, somehow also causes them to inexplicably occur. Having addressed Sonic and the introduction of Black Sonichu in the previous issue, Chris's next urgent business is to get down to addressing his feelings from his awkward love triangle with [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]], via this trilogy in which they turn into furries and are forced to team up to attack a giant monster. Note that Chris completed this entire issue in under two weeks--a blistering pace compared to his later efforts--suggesting that his heart was most into his work when he was using it to talk about himself.

By the end of ''Sonichu'' #2, both [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] are firmly established as the primary villains of the series... at least until the trolls show up.

==Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Anchuent Prophecy
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_1 ''Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_7{{!}}''Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P1.htm ''Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNb58F8KI8&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=7 ''Episode 7''}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|left|Cherokees often look like white children.]]
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is zapping to the extreme in a field somewhere near [[CWCville]] when he discovers a strange rock formation. The largest of the three rocks has a cave-like opening, with the other two rocks in front of it. Sonichu notices a hedgehog-looking insignia on one of the smaller rocks and pauses to read its inscription: "Only the Creature, and his Master, of the Prophecy may enter the Destiny Cave."

Just then, the other rock is revealed to actually be a mysterious old man, who explains that he is the [[Keeper of the Destiny Cave]]. He instantly recognizes Sonichu as the Creature of the Prophecy, and explains that Sonichu's true original creator can enter the Destiny Cave to unlock a special power. Sonichu zaps back home to tell this to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian]], who seems to immediately tell it back to him. They then leave for the cave.

Here they learn the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] of the [[Cherokian Clan]], which tells of how the clan's [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|leader]] would be reincarnated as someone who gives birth (that's actually what it says) to an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. This reincarnated chieftain would then come to the Destiny Cave and release the powers of his past life, as well as the powers of his [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|queen]] and [[Wasabi Rival|rival]]. The reincarnations of these three people would receive their released powers, allowing them to transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to battle an ancient evil that was inadvertently released by Sonichu's discovery of the cave.

Deciding that he will need the ancient powers to defeat the ancient evil, Christian fulfills the Anchuent Prophecy by place in his homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] on an ancient pedestal in the ancient center of the ancient cave. As the Keeper says the magic words ''"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!"'' the medallion levitates and returns to Chris's neck, causing him to experience a vision. Chris speaks with his past self, who was in life Christian's [[Cherokee]] great-great-grandfather. This ancestor warns Chris that his rival will try to fight him, but his [[gal pal|lady friend]] will show up to help.

Christian tries out his new powers, and when he awakes from the vision he finds he has been transformed into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], an electric hedgehog that could best be described as [[Sonic the Hedgehog|a blue version of Sonichu]]. Chris-Chan is pleased by this development, but Sonichu is disturbed and asks that they both zap out of the cave.

Elsewhere, mystic energies rain down upon the homes of [[Wes Iseli]] and [[Sarah Hammer]], delivering enchanted totems of ancient power...

===Advertisement 1===
The makers of [[AXE]] purchase an ad with a questionable marketing strategy: smell so great, it's almost like you bathed!
{{-}}

==Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"==
{{Resources
| title =Chaos & Serenity
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ''Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8{{!}}''Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P6.htm ''Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=8 ''Episode 8''}}
[[Wes Iseli]] experiences a vision very similar to Christian's, in which he meets his past self, a member of the [[Wasabi Clan]] wearing a robe and wizard hat. Just as the Cherokee leader had said, his Wasabi rival is only concerned with their old grudge and instructs Wes to use the power of the Fireshock Pendant to seek revenge against Christian. Since Chris was once jealous of Wes, this is of course perfect motivation for Wes to want to kill Chris, so he accepts this mission and transforms into the orange Wes-Li Sonichu, and undergoes training during his vision.

[[Sarah Hammer]] also experiences a vision, wherein she meets the [[queen of the Cherokee Clan]]. The queen tells Sarah that she must use her Lightning Bracelets to bring serenity to the other hedgehogs of the prophecy, whom she does not direct identify for some reason. Sarah transforms into Saramah Rosechu and also trains to use her newfound powers.

Instead of receiving training from his ancestor, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been instructed in the use of his powers by Sonichu. The only thing they can't figure out is how to change Chris-Chan back to Christian Chandler, until Sonichu gives his father an awkward pat on the chest. By touching the pattern in Chris-Chan's fur shaped like his medallion, Sonichu accidentally changes Christian back to normal. Unfortunately, this has left Christian vulnerable, as Wes-Li has arrived to destroy him. Saramah is not far off, but will not arrive in time to prevent the fight.

Chris and Sonichu are able to avoid Wes-Li's initial attacks, until the orange hedgehog reveals himself as the rival foretold in the prophecy. Once Chris realizes that Wes-Li is Wes Iseli, they stop fighting long enough to air their grievances, little realizing that Saramah is eavesdropping. Chris admits he was jealous for Sarah, while Wes-Li rambles on about the coveted [[Cherokian crown]]. Saramah is awed by Chris being jealous for her, because that sort of thing always turns chicks on. Wes-Li finally resumes the battle, but Christian counters with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, which buys him time to transform back into Chris-Chan. The two furries trade shitty anime attacks until Wes-Li lands a Sky Uppercut to Chris-Chan's chris-chin, allowing Wes-Li to obtain the Cherokian crown, which has mysteriously appeared out of nowhere at this point.

Before Wes-Li can finish Chris off, Saramah finally intervenes, shooting arrows into Wes-Li's body that pin him against a non-sacred tree.

===Advertisement 2===
Sonichu appears with a milk-mustache, to support the [[homos|California Milk Processing Board]].

==Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"==
{{Resources
| title =The Evil that Stomped CWCville
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_25 ''Episode 9''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_9{{!}}''Episode 9''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P13.htm ''Episode 9''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=9 ''Episode 9''}}
Having saved Chris-Chan's ass, Saramah returns to him the Cherokian crown that he had never previously had in the first place. She then reads the riot act to Wes-Li, allowing him and Chris-Chan to recognize that she is Sarah Hammer. Outraged over the way Wes-Li has treated her bestest friend ever, Saramah yanks her lightning arrows right out of his chest, and breaks up with him on the spot. Wes-Li cries and pouts like a little bitch (although not as badly as Christian does) until Saramah reminds the trio of their duty to stop the prophesied evil.

Chris-Chan, Wes-Li, and Saramah battle Count Graduon. Sarah breaks up with Wes, but then turns around and cockblocks Chris as well. Just then Sonichu reappears for the first time in, like, a week to tell Chris-Chan that [[Rosechu]] called to say a rock monster is attacking CWCville. Chris sends Sonichu on ahead, and Saramah uses her powers to levitate the others in floating bubbles.

Meanwhile, in CWCville, it is apparent that the giant golem monster is being directed by Christian's old nemesis [[Mary Lee Walsh]], riding a broom and armed with a scepter possessed by an ancient spirit. The spirit gloats that, despite having been imprisoned for centuries by the Cherokian and Wasabi clans, he will have his revenge and rule the world. When the hedgehogs arrive, Saramah asks for Chris-Chan's opinion based on his familiarity with the city. Chris's answer has nothing to do with that; he vaguely suggests that large monsters always have weak knees (which is just a throwaway gag from an episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which made a lot more sense in context). Wes-Li is thoroughly depressed by Saramah breaking up with him, and is utterly useless. Chris, who would '''never''' surrender to self-pity, gives Wes-Li a pep talk.

All this time, that stupid cunt [[Rosechu]] has been spending Sonichu's hard-earned money at CWCville Mall instead of using her superpowers to get shit done. She stands around hoping Sonichu and Chris-Chan will be all right, which is all bitches are good for.

[[Image:SchuComic3Page32.jpg|thumb|left|In this panel, Saramah and Wes-Li attack the golem while Chris-Chan smokes a massive joint.]]

The three Electric Hedgehogs employ a three-pronged attack, completely disregarding Chris's prior idea of focusing on the knees. Their combined forces stagger the golem, and Chris leads them in their Team Blast maneuver, the Blue Fireball Attack, for the win. With the golem destroyed, they face down Mary Lee Walsh, but she elects to retreat while the scepter casually introduces itself as the ancient evil, [[Count Graduon]]. Sonichu finally shows up, having arrived too late for his entire self-titled series, although he has Rosechu in tow, suggesting he stopped off for a quickie on the way. The three prophesied hedgehogs revert to their human states and Chris summons a cab to take them back to his mayoral office.

Later, in Chris's bedroom, he and Sarah discuss their adventure and catch up on old times. Chris spies [[china|an opening]] now that Wes is out of the picture, and it just so happens Sarah is thinking about a new man in her life...named [[William Spicer|William]]. Looks like somebody just laid down the Yu-Gi-Oh! card for cockblocked, amirite?

In a coda to this issue, Chris dedicates the story to the real life Sarah Hammer, his best friend in the whole wide world. Judging from the tribute page, he doesn't seem to know anything about her beyond age ten.

===Dedication Page===
Chris gives the short, short-version of ''[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]'' in a single page dedication.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 3{{!}}''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQfYyY24aCo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=14 ''Sub-Episode 3''}}
This story is an expanded, redrawn version of the 18 March [[2004]] comic strip seen in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' 0]].

Following her brief, unexplained appearances in Episode 9, Christian's narration quickly gives [[Mary Lee Walsh]] a proper introduction, explaining that she tore up his [[Attraction Sign]], shattered his [[heart level|heart]], and hurt his soul in the early months of his [[Love Quest]]. He resolves that Mary Lee must be stopped before she hurts others.

Despite his [[ancestor]] advising him to use his powers responsibly to protect innocents, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] commences an unprovoked invasion of Mary Lee Walsh's office at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], while she is stirring some potion in a boiling cauldron. Chris-Chan makes a token effort to suggest he's here for the safety of the public, but it's obvious he's just avenging Christian Weston Chandler. Walsh mocks Chris-Chan's corny old [[Sailor Moon]] poses and attacks him with dark magic, but Chris-Chan counters with Thunderbolt, Double Team, and Mirror Coat.

Seeing that their magical attacks are too evenly matched, Walsh invites Chris to hand-to-hand combat. Chris assures us he's never hit a woman, but since she's asking for it, he strikes her with a Mach Punch. The blow from a super-powered hedgehog doesn't faze her, however, and she responds with a Kick to the Balls. Chris-Chan tries a Mega Kick, but just then Walsh lunges with her pitchfork and somehow presses his transformation spot without completely impaling him.

Chris reverts back to human form and lays prone on the ground, as Mary Lee Walsh puts two and two together: Chris-Chan Sonichu is secretly Christian Weston Chandler. Having shattered his heart, defeated him battle, and discovered his secret identity, Walsh decides there's nothing left to do but kill Christian. Before the final blow is struck, however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] intervenes, revealing that he has been watching the whole time in case his father needed help. Christian quickly recovers and together they deliver their final attack. As Walsh cackles maniacally, Chris casts [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] while Sonichu uses Thunder; the combined energy appears to destroy Mary Lee, as she screams into oblivion. Or does she...?

===Back Cover===
In the original releases of ''Sonichu'' #2, the back cover featured a personal army request from CWC, where he asks his fans to start a grass-roots campaign to get [[Nintendo]] to recognize and embrace the ''Sonichu'' Franchise.

In the CWCipedia version, however, the back cover message has been replaced with the ad for ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:AxeAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:GotMilk.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Sarahhammerdedication.jpg|Dedication Page
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Sarah Hammer]]
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 2

2010-11-22T21:59:57Z

Cows: /* Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #2
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 April 2005
| finishedcomic = 3 May 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 7-9
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
| next = [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #2''''' is the third [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. This is where the comic begins to focus mostly on [[Chris]], with [[Sonichu]] as a side character.

This issue introduces one of the bigger macguffins in Sonichu canon, the "Anchuent Prophecy" that by predicting future events, somehow also causes them to inexplicably occur. Having addressed Sonic and the introduction of Black Sonichu in the previous issue, Chris's next urgent business is to get down to addressing his feelings from his awkward love triangle with [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]], via this trilogy in which they turn into furries and are forced to team up to attack a giant monster. Note that Chris completed this entire issue in under two weeks--a blistering pace compared to his later efforts--suggesting that his heart was most into his work when he was using it to talk about himself.

By the end of ''Sonichu'' #2, both [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] are firmly established as the primary villains of the series... at least until the trolls show up.

==Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Anchuent Prophecy
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_1 ''Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_7{{!}}''Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P1.htm ''Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNb58F8KI8&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=7 ''Episode 7''}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|left|Cherokees often look like white children.]]
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is zapping to the extreme in a field somewhere near [[CWCville]] when he discovers a strange rock formation. The largest of the three rocks has a cave-like opening, with the other two rocks in front of it. Sonichu notices a hedgehog-looking insignia on one of the smaller rocks and pauses to read its inscription: "Only the Creature, and his Master, of the Prophecy may enter the Destiny Cave."

Just then, the other rock is revealed to actually be a mysterious old man, who explains that he is the [[Keeper of the Destiny Cave]]. He instantly recognizes Sonichu as the Creature of the Prophecy, and explains that Sonichu's true original creator can enter the Destiny Cave to unlock a special power. Sonichu zaps back home to tell this to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian]], who seems to immediately tell it back to him. They then leave for the cave.

Here they learn the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] of the [[Cherokian Clan]], which tells of how the clan's [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|leader]] would be reincarnated as someone who gives birth (that's actually what it says) to an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. This reincarnated chieftain would then come to the Destiny Cave and release the powers of his past life, as well as the powers of his [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|queen]] and [[Wasabi Rival|rival]]. The reincarnations of these three people would receive their released powers, allowing them to transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to battle an ancient evil that was inadvertently released by Sonichu's discovery of the cave.

Deciding that he will need the ancient powers to defeat the ancient evil, Christian fulfills the Anchuent Prophecy by place in his homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] on an ancient pedestal in the ancient center of the ancient cave. As the Keeper says the magic words ''"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!"'' the medallion levitates and returns to Chris's neck, causing him to experience a vision. Chris speaks with his past self, who was in life Christian's [[Cherokee]] great-great-grandfather. This ancestor warns Chris that his rival will try to fight him, but his [[gal pal|lady friend]] will show up to help.

Christian tries out his new powers, and when he awakes from the vision he finds he has been transformed into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], an electric hedgehog that could best be described as [[Sonic the Hedgehog|a blue version of Sonichu]]. Chris-Chan is pleased by this development, but Sonichu is disturbed and asks that they both zap out of the cave.

Elsewhere, mystic energies rain down upon the homes of [[Wes Iseli]] and [[Sarah Hammer]], delivering enchanted totems of ancient power...

===Advertisement 1===
The makers of [[AXE]] purchase an ad with a questionable marketing strategy: smell so great, it's almost like you bathed!
{{-}}

==Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"==
{{Resources
| title =Chaos & Serenity
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ''Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8{{!}}''Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P6.htm ''Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=8 ''Episode 8''}}
[[Wes Iseli]] experiences a vision very similar to Christian's, in which he meets his past self, a member of the [[Wasabi Clan]] wearing a robe and wizard hat. Just as the Cherokee leader had said, his Wasabi rival is only concerned with their old grudge and instructs Wes to use the power of the Fireshock Pendant to seek revenge against Christian. Since Chris was once jealous of Wes, this is of course perfect motivation for Wes to want to kill Chris, so he accepts this mission and transforms into the orange Wes-Li Sonichu, and undergoes training during his vision.

[[Sarah Hammer]] also experiences a vision, wherein she meets the [[queen of the Cherokee Clan]]. The queen tells Sarah that she must use her Lightning Bracelets to bring serenity to the other hedgehogs of the prophecy, whom she does not direct identify for some reason. Sarah transforms into Saramah Rosechu and also trains to use her newfound powers.

Instead of receiving training from his ancestor, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been instructed in the use of his powers by Sonichu. The only thing they can't figure out is how to change Chris-Chan back to Christian Chandler, until Sonichu gives his father an awkward pat on the chest. By touching the pattern in Chris-Chan's fur shaped like his medallion, Sonichu accidentally changes Christian back to normal. Unfortunately, this has left Christian vulnerable, as Wes-Li has arrived to destroy him. Saramah is not far off, but will not arrive in time to prevent the fight.

Chris and Sonichu are able to avoid Wes-Li's initial attacks, until the orange hedgehog reveals himself as the rival foretold in the prophecy. Once Chris realizes that Wes-Li is Wes Iseli, they stop fighting long enough to air their grievances, little realizing that Saramah is eavesdropping. Chris admits he was jealous for Sarah, while Wes-Li rambles on about the coveted [[Cherokian crown]]. Saramah is awed by Chris being jealous for her, because that sort of thing always turns chicks on. Wes-Li finally resumes the battle, but Christian counters with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, which buys him time to transform back into Chris-Chan. The two furries trade shitty anime attacks until Wes-Li lands a Sky Uppercut to Chris-Chan's chris-chin, allowing Wes-Li to obtain the Cherokian crown, which has mysteriously appeared out of nowhere at this point.

Before Wes-Li can finish Chris off, Saramah finally intervenes, shooting arrows into Wes-Li's body that pin him against a non-sacred tree.

===Advertisement 2===
Sonichu appears with a milk-mustache, to support the [[homos|California Milk Processing Board]].

==Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"==
{{Resources
| title =The Evil that Stomped CWCville
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_25 ''Episode 9''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_9{{!}}''Episode 9''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P13.htm ''Episode 9''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=9 ''Episode 9''}}
Having saved Chris-Chan's ass, Saramah returns to him the Cherokian crown that he had never previously had in the first place. She then reads the riot act to Wes-Li, allowing him and Chris-Chan to recognize that she is Sarah Hammer. Outraged over the way Wes-Li has treated her bestest friend ever, Saramah yanks her lightning arrows right out of his chest, and breaks up with him on the spot. Wes-Li cries and pouts like a little bitch (although not as badly as Christian does) until Saramah reminds the trio of their duty to stop the prophesied evil.

Chris-Chan, Wes-Li, and Saramah battle Count Graduon. Sarah breaks up with Wes, but then turns around and cockblocks Chris as well. Just then Sonichu reappears for the first time in, like, a week to tell Chris-Chan that [[Rosechu]] called to say a rock monster is attacking CWCville. Chris sends Sonichu on ahead, and Saramah uses her powers to levitate the others in floating bubbles.

Meanwhile, in CWCville, it is apparent that the giant golem monster is being directed by Christian's old nemesis [[Mary Lee Walsh]], riding a broom and armed with a scepter possessed by an ancient spirit. The spirit gloats that, despite having been imprisoned for centuries by the Cherokian and Wasabi clans, he will have his revenge and rule the world. When the hedgehogs arrive, Saramah asks for Chris-Chan's opinion based on his familiarity with the city. Chris's answer has nothing to do with that; he vaguely suggests that large monsters always have weak knees (which is just a throwaway gag from an episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which made a lot more sense in context). Wes-Li is thoroughly depressed by Saramah breaking up with him, and is utterly useless. Chris, who would '''never''' surrender to self-pity, gives Wes-Li a pep talk.

All this time, that stupid cunt [[Rosechu]] has been spending Sonichu's hard-earned money at CWCville Mall instead of using her superpowers to get shit done. She stands around hoping Sonichu and Chris-Chan will be all right, which is all bitches are good for.

[[Image:SchuComic3Page32.jpg|thumb|left|In this panel, Saramah and Wes-Li attack the golem while Chris-Chan smokes a massive joint.]]

The three Electric Hedgehogs employ a three-pronged attack, completely disregarding Chris's prior idea of focusing on the knees. Their combined forces stagger the golem, and Chris leads them in their Team Blast maneuver, the Blue Fireball Attack, for the win. With the golem destroyed, they face down Mary Lee Walsh, but she elects to retreat while the scepter casually introduces itself as the ancient evil, [[Count Graduon]]. Sonichu finally shows up, having arrived too late for his entire self-titled series, although he has Rosechu in tow, suggesting he stopped off for a quickie on the way. The three prophesied hedgehogs revert to their human states and Chris summons a cab to take them back to his mayoral office.

Later, in Chris's bedroom, he and Sarah discuss their adventure and catch up on old times. Chris spies [[china|an opening]] now that Wes is out of the picture, and it just so happens Sarah is thinking about a new man in her life...named [[William Spicer|William]]. Looks like somebody just laid down the Yu-Gi-Oh! card for cockblocked, amirite?

In a coda to this issue, Chris dedicates the story to the real life Sarah Hammer, his best friend in the whole wide world. Judging from the tribute page, he doesn't seem to know anything about her beyond age ten.

===Dedication Page===
Chris gives the short, short-version of ''[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]'' in a single page dedication.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 3{{!}}''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQfYyY24aCo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=14 ''Sub-Episode 3''}}
This story is an expanded, redrawn version of the 18 March [[2004]] comic strip seen in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' 0]].

Following her brief, unexplained appearances in Episode 9, Christian's narration quickly gives [[Mary Lee Walsh]] a proper introduction, explaining that she tore up his [[Attraction Sign]], shattered his [[heart level|heart]], and hurt his soul in the early months of his [[Love Quest]]. He resolves that Mary Lee must be stopped before she hurts others.

Despite his [[ancestor]] advising him to use his powers responsibly to protect innocents, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] commences an unprovoked invasion of Mary Lee Walsh's office at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], while she is stirring some potion in a boiling cauldron. Chris-Chan makes a token effort to suggest he's here for the safety of the public, but it's obvious he's just avenging Christian Weston Chandler. Walsh mocks Chris-Chan's corny old [[Sailor Moon]] poses and attacks him with dark magic, but Chris-Chan counters with Thunderbolt, Double Team, and Mirror Coat.

Seeing that their magical attacks are too evenly matched, Walsh invites Chris to hand-to-hand combat. Chris assures us he's never hit a woman, but since she's asking for it, he strikes her with a Mach Punch. The blow from a super-powered hedgehog doesn't faze her, however, and she responds with a Kick to the Balls. Chris-Chan tries a Mega Kick, but just then Walsh lunges with her pitchfork and somehow presses his transformation spot without completely impaling him.

Chris reverts back to human form and lays prone on the ground, as Mary Lee Walsh puts two and two together: Chris-Chan Sonichu is secretly Christian Weston Chandler. Having shattered his heart, defeated him battle, and discovered his secret identity, Walsh decides there's nothing left to do but kill Christian. Before the final blow is struck, however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] intervenes, revealing that he has been watching the whole time in case his father needed help. Christian quickly recovers and together they deliver their final attack. As Walsh cackles maniacally, Chris casts [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] while Sonichu uses Thunder; the combined energy appears to destroy Mary Lee, as she screams into oblivion. Or does she...?

===Back Cover===
In the original releases of ''Sonichu'' #2, the back cover featured a personal army request from CWC, where he asks his fans to start a grass-roots campaign to get [[Nintendo]] to recognize and embrace the ''Sonichu'' Franchise.

In the CWCipedia version, however, the back cover message has been replaced with the ad for ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:AxeAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:GotMilk.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Sarahhammerdedication.jpg|Dedication Page
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Sarah Hammer]]
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 2

2010-11-22T21:59:31Z

Cows: /* Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #2
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 April 2005
| finishedcomic = 3 May 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 7-9
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
| next = [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #2''''' is the third [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. This is where the comic begins to focus mostly on [[Chris]], with [[Sonichu]] as a side character.

This issue introduces one of the bigger macguffins in Sonichu canon, the "Anchuent Prophecy" that by predicting future events, somehow also causes them to inexplicably occur. Having addressed Sonic and the introduction of Black Sonichu in the previous issue, Chris's next urgent business is to get down to addressing his feelings from his awkward love triangle with [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]], via this trilogy in which they turn into furries and are forced to team up to attack a giant monster. Note that Chris completed this entire issue in under two weeks--a blistering pace compared to his later efforts--suggesting that his heart was most into his work when he was using it to talk about himself.

By the end of ''Sonichu'' #2, both [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] are firmly established as the primary villains of the series... at least until the trolls show up.

==Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Anchuent Prophecy
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_1 ''Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_7{{!}}''Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P1.htm ''Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNb58F8KI8&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=7 ''Episode 7''}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|left|Cherokees often look like white children.]]
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is zapping to the extreme in a field somewhere near [[CWCville]] when he discovers a strange rock formation. The largest of the three rocks has a cave-like opening, with the other two rocks in front of it. Sonichu notices a hedgehog-looking insignia on one of the smaller rocks and pauses to read its inscription: "Only the Creature, and his Master, of the Prophecy may enter the Destiny Cave."

Just then, the other rock is revealed to actually be a mysterious old man, who explains that he is the [[Keeper of the Destiny Cave]]. He instantly recognizes Sonichu as the Creature of the Prophecy, and explains that Sonichu's true original creator can enter the Destiny Cave to unlock a special power. Sonichu zaps back home to tell this to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian]], who seems to immediately tell it back to him. They then leave for the cave.

Here they learn the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] of the [[Cherokian Clan]], which tells of how the clan's [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|leader]] would be reincarnated as someone who gives birth (that's actually what it says) to an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. This reincarnated chieftain would then come to the Destiny Cave and release the powers of his past life, as well as the powers of his [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|queen]] and [[Wasabi Rival|rival]]. The reincarnations of these three people would receive their released powers, allowing them to transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to battle an ancient evil that was inadvertently released by Sonichu's discovery of the cave.

Deciding that he will need the ancient powers to defeat the ancient evil, Christian fulfills the Anchuent Prophecy by place in his homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] on an ancient pedestal in the ancient center of the ancient cave. As the Keeper says the magic words ''"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!"'' the medallion levitates and returns to Chris's neck, causing him to experience a vision. Chris speaks with his past self, who was in life Christian's [[Cherokee]] great-great-grandfather. This ancestor warns Chris that his rival will try to fight him, but his [[gal pal|lady friend]] will show up to help.

Christian tries out his new powers, and when he awakes from the vision he finds he has been transformed into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], an electric hedgehog that could best be described as [[Sonic the Hedgehog|a blue version of Sonichu]]. Chris-Chan is pleased by this development, but Sonichu is disturbed and asks that they both zap out of the cave.

Elsewhere, mystic energies rain down upon the homes of [[Wes Iseli]] and [[Sarah Hammer]], delivering enchanted totems of ancient power...

===Advertisement 1===
The makers of [[AXE]] purchase an ad with a questionable marketing strategy: smell so great, it's almost like you bathed!
{{-}}

==Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"==
{{Resources
| title =Chaos & Serenity
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ''Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8{{!}}''Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P6.htm ''Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=8 ''Episode 8''}}
[[Wes Iseli]] experiences a vision very similar to Christian's, in which he meets his past self, a member of the [[Wasabi Clan]] wearing a robe and wizard hat. Just as the Cherokee leader had said, his Wasabi rival is only concerned with their old grudge and instructs Wes to use the power of the Fireshock Pendant to seek revenge against Christian. Since Chris was once jealous of Wes, this is of course perfect motivation for Wes to want to kill Chris, so he accepts this mission and transforms into the orange Wes-Li Sonichu, and undergoes training during his vision.

[[Sarah Hammer]] also experiences a vision, wherein she meets the [[queen of the Cherokee Clan]]. The queen tells Sarah that she must use her Lightning Bracelets to bring serenity to the other hedgehogs of the prophecy, whom she does not direct identify for some reason. Sarah transforms into Saramah Rosechu and also trains to use her newfound powers.

Instead of receiving training from his ancestor, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been instructed in the use of his powers by Sonichu. The only thing they can't figure out is how to change Chris-Chan back to Christian Chandler, until Sonichu gives his father an awkward pat on the chest. By touching the pattern in Chris-Chan's fur shaped like his medallion, Sonichu accidentally changes Christian back to normal. Unfortunately, this has left Christian vulnerable, as Wes-Li has arrived to destroy him. Saramah is not far off, but will not arrive in time to prevent the fight.

Chris and Sonichu are able to avoid Wes-Li's initial attacks, until the orange hedgehog reveals himself as the rival foretold in the prophecy. Once Chris realizes that Wes-Li is Wes Iseli, they stop fighting long enough to air their grievances, little realizing that Saramah is eavesdropping. Chris admits he was jealous for Sarah, while Wes-Li rambles on about the coveted [[Cherokian crown]]. Saramah is awed by Chris being jealous for her, because that sort of thing always turns chicks on. Wes-Li finally resumes the battle, but Christian counters with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, which buys him time to transform back into Chris-Chan. The two furries trade shitty anime attacks until Wes-Li lands a Sky Uppercut to Chris-Chan's chris-chin, allowing Wes-Li to obtain the Cherokian crown, which has mysteriously appeared out of nowhere at this point.

Before Wes-Li can finish Chris off, Saramah finally intervenes, shooting arrows into Wes-Li's body that pin him against a non-sacred tree.

===Advertisement 2===
Sonichu appears with a milk-mustache, to support the [[homos|California Milk Processing Board]].

==Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"==
{{Resources
| title =The Evil that Stomped CWCville
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_25 ''Episode 9''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_9{{!}}''Episode 9''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P13.htm ''Episode 9''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=9 ''Episode 9''}}
Having saved Chris-Chan's ass, Saramah returns to him the Cherokian crown that he had never previously had in the first place. She then reads the riot act to Wes-Li, allowing him and Chris-Chan to recognize that she is Sarah Hammer. Outraged over the way Wes-Li has treated her bestest friend ever, Saramah yanks her lightning arrows right out of his chest, and breaks up with him on the spot. Wes-Li cries and pouts like a little bitch (although not as badly as Christian does) until Saramah reminds the trio of their duty to stop the prophesied evil.

Chris-Chan, Wes-Li, and Saramah battle Count Graduon. Sarah breaks up with Wes, but then turns around and cockblocks Chris as well. Just then Sonichu reappears for the first time in, like, a week to tell Chris-Chan that [[Rosechu]] called to say a rock monster is attacking CWCville. Chris sends Sonichu on ahead, and Saramah uses her powers to levitate the others in floating bubbles.

Meanwhile, in CWCville, it is apparent that the giant golem monster is being directed by Christian's old nemesis [[Mary Lee Walsh]], riding a broom and armed with a scepter possessed by an ancient spirit. The spirit gloats that, despite having been imprisoned for centuries by the Cherokian and Wasabi clans, he will have his revenge and rule the world. When the hedgehogs arrive, Saramah asks for Chris-Chan's opinion based on his familiarity with the city. Chris's answer has nothing to do with that; he vaguely suggests that large monsters always have weak knees (which is just a throwaway gag from an episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which made a lot more sense in context). Wes-Li is thoroughly depressed by Saramah breaking up with him, and is utterly useless. Chris, who would '''never''' surrender to self-pity, gives Wes-Li a pep talk.

All this time, that stupid cunt [[Rosechu]] has been spending Sonichu's hard-earned money at CWCville Mall instead of using her superpowers to get shit done. She stands around hoping Sonichu and Chris-Chan will be all right, which is all bitches are good for.

[[Image:SchuComic3Page32.jpg|thumb|left|In this panel, Saramah and Wes-Li attack the golem while Chris-Chan smokes a massive joint.]]

The three Electric Hedgehogs employ a three-pronged attack, completely disregarding Chris's prior idea of focusing on the knees. Their combined forces stagger the golem, and Chris leads them in their Team Blast maneuver, the Blue Fireball Attack, for the win. With the golem destroyed, they face down Mary Lee Walsh, but she elects to retreat while the scepter casually introduces itself as the ancient evil, [[Count Graduon]]. Sonichu finally shows up, having arrived too late for his entire self-titled series, although he has Rosechu in tow, suggesting he stopped off for a quickie on the way. The three prophesied hedgehogs revert to their human states and Chris summons a cab to take them back to his mayoral office.

Later, in Chris's bedroom, he and Sarah discuss their adventure and catch up on old times. Chris spies [[china|an opening]] now that Wes is out of the picture, and it just so happens Sarah is thinking about a new man in her life...named [[William Spicer|William]]. Looks like somebody just laid down the Yu-Gi-Oh! card for cockblocked, amirite?

In a coda to this issue, Chris dedicates the story to the real life Sarah Hammer, his best friend in the whole wide world. Judging from the tribute page, he doesn't seem to know anything about her beyond age ten.

===Dedication Page===
Chris gives the short, short-version of ''[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]'' in a single page dedication.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 3{{!}}''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQfYyY24aCo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=14 ''Sub-Episode 3''}}
This story is an expanded, redrawn version of the 18 March [[2004]] comic strip seen in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' 0]].

Following her brief, unexplained appearances in Episode 9, Christian's narration quickly gives [[Mary Lee Walsh]] a proper introduction, explaining that she tore up his [[Attraction Sign]], shattered his [[heart level|heart]], and hurt his soul in the early months of his [[Love Quest]]. He resolves that Mary Lee must be stopped before she hurts others.

Despite his [[ancestor]] advising him to use his powers responsibly to protect innocents, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] commences an unprovoked invasion of Mary Lee Walsh's office at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], while she is stirring some potion in a boiling cauldron. Chris-Chan makes a token effort to suggest he's here for the safety of the public, but it's obvious he's just avenging Christian Weston Chandler. Walsh mocks Chris-Chan's corny old [[Sailor Moon]] poses and attacks him with dark magic, but Chris-Chan counters with Thunderbolt, Double Team, and Mirror Coat.

Seeing that their magical attacks are too evenly matched, Walsh invites Chris to hand-to-hand combat. Chris assures us he's never hit a woman, but since she's asking for it, he strikes her with a Mach Punch. The blow from a super-powered hedgehog doesn't faze her, however, and she responds with a Kick to the Balls. Chris-Chan tries a Mega Kick, but just then Walsh lunges with her pitchfork and somehow presses his transformation spot without completely impaling him.

Chris reverts back to human form and lays prone on the ground, as Mary Lee Walsh puts two and two together: Chris-Chan Sonichu is secretly Christian Weston Chandler. Having shattered his heart, defeated him battle, and discovered his secret identity, Walsh decides there's nothing left to do but kill Christian. Before the final blow is struck, however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] intervenes, revealing that he has been watching the whole time in case his father needed help. Christian quickly recovers and together they deliver their final attack. As Walsh cackles maniacally, Chris casts [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] while Sonichu uses Thunder; the combined energy appears to destroy Mary Lee, as she screams into oblivion. Or does she...?

===Back Cover===
In the original releases of ''Sonichu'' #2, the back cover featured a personal army request from CWC, where he asks his fans to start a grass-roots campaign to get [[Nintendo]] to recognize and embrace the ''Sonichu'' Franchise.

In the CWCipedia version, however, the back cover message has been replaced with the ad for ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:AxeAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:GotMilk.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Sarahhammerdedication.jpg|Dedication Page
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Sarah Hammer]]
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 2

2010-11-22T21:59:07Z

Cows: /* Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #2
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 April 2005
| finishedcomic = 3 May 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 7-9
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
| next = [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #2''''' is the third [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. This is where the comic begins to focus mostly on [[Chris]], with [[Sonichu]] as a side character.

This issue introduces one of the bigger macguffins in Sonichu canon, the "Anchuent Prophecy" that by predicting future events, somehow also causes them to inexplicably occur. Having addressed Sonic and the introduction of Black Sonichu in the previous issue, Chris's next urgent business is to get down to addressing his feelings from his awkward love triangle with [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]], via this trilogy in which they turn into furries and are forced to team up to attack a giant monster. Note that Chris completed this entire issue in under two weeks--a blistering pace compared to his later efforts--suggesting that his heart was most into his work when he was using it to talk about himself.

By the end of ''Sonichu'' #2, both [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] are firmly established as the primary villains of the series... at least until the trolls show up.

==Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Anchuent Prophecy
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_1 ''Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_7{{!}}''Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic3P1.htm ''Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNb58F8KI8&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=7 ''Episode 7''}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|left|Cherokees often look like white children.]]
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is zapping to the extreme in a field somewhere near [[CWCville]] when he discovers a strange rock formation. The largest of the three rocks has a cave-like opening, with the other two rocks in front of it. Sonichu notices a hedgehog-looking insignia on one of the smaller rocks and pauses to read its inscription: "Only the Creature, and his Master, of the Prophecy may enter the Destiny Cave."

Just then, the other rock is revealed to actually be a mysterious old man, who explains that he is the [[Keeper of the Destiny Cave]]. He instantly recognizes Sonichu as the Creature of the Prophecy, and explains that Sonichu's true original creator can enter the Destiny Cave to unlock a special power. Sonichu zaps back home to tell this to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian]], who seems to immediately tell it back to him. They then leave for the cave.

Here they learn the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] of the [[Cherokian Clan]], which tells of how the clan's [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|leader]] would be reincarnated as someone who gives birth (that's actually what it says) to an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. This reincarnated chieftain would then come to the Destiny Cave and release the powers of his past life, as well as the powers of his [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|queen]] and [[Wasabi Rival|rival]]. The reincarnations of these three people would receive their released powers, allowing them to transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to battle an ancient evil that was inadvertently released by Sonichu's discovery of the cave.

Deciding that he will need the ancient powers to defeat the ancient evil, Christian fulfills the Anchuent Prophecy by place in his homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] on an ancient pedestal in the ancient center of the ancient cave. As the Keeper says the magic words ''"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!"'' the medallion levitates and returns to Chris's neck, causing him to experience a vision. Chris speaks with his past self, who was in life Christian's [[Cherokee]] great-great-grandfather. This ancestor warns Chris that his rival will try to fight him, but his [[gal pal|lady friend]] will show up to help.

Christian tries out his new powers, and when he awakes from the vision he finds he has been transformed into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], an electric hedgehog that could best be described as [[Sonic the Hedgehog|a blue version of Sonichu]]. Chris-Chan is pleased by this development, but Sonichu is disturbed and asks that they both zap out of the cave.

Elsewhere, mystic energies rain down upon the homes of [[Wes Iseli]] and [[Sarah Hammer]], delivering enchanted totems of ancient power...

===Advertisement 1===
The makers of [[AXE]] purchase an ad with a questionable marketing strategy: smell so great, it's almost like you bathed!
{{-}}

==Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"==
{{Resources
| title =Chaos & Serenity
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ''Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8{{!}}''Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P6.htm ''Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=8 ''Episode 8''}}
[[Wes Iseli]] experiences a vision very similar to Christian's, in which he meets his past self, a member of the [[Wasabi Clan]] wearing a robe and wizard hat. Just as the Cherokee leader had said, his Wasabi rival is only concerned with their old grudge and instructs Wes to use the power of the Fireshock Pendant to seek revenge against Christian. Since Chris was once jealous of Wes, this is of course perfect motivation for Wes to want to kill Chris, so he accepts this mission and transforms into the orange Wes-Li Sonichu, and undergoes training during his vision.

[[Sarah Hammer]] also experiences a vision, wherein she meets the [[queen of the Cherokee Clan]]. The queen tells Sarah that she must use her Lightning Bracelets to bring serenity to the other hedgehogs of the prophecy, whom she does not direct identify for some reason. Sarah transforms into Saramah Rosechu and also trains to use her newfound powers.

Instead of receiving training from his ancestor, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been instructed in the use of his powers by Sonichu. The only thing they can't figure out is how to change Chris-Chan back to Christian Chandler, until Sonichu gives his father an awkward pat on the chest. By touching the pattern in Chris-Chan's fur shaped like his medallion, Sonichu accidentally changes Christian back to normal. Unfortunately, this has left Christian vulnerable, as Wes-Li has arrived to destroy him. Saramah is not far off, but will not arrive in time to prevent the fight.

Chris and Sonichu are able to avoid Wes-Li's initial attacks, until the orange hedgehog reveals himself as the rival foretold in the prophecy. Once Chris realizes that Wes-Li is Wes Iseli, they stop fighting long enough to air their grievances, little realizing that Saramah is eavesdropping. Chris admits he was jealous for Sarah, while Wes-Li rambles on about the coveted [[Cherokian crown]]. Saramah is awed by Chris being jealous for her, because that sort of thing always turns chicks on. Wes-Li finally resumes the battle, but Christian counters with ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, which buys him time to transform back into Chris-Chan. The two furries trade shitty anime attacks until Wes-Li lands a Sky Uppercut to Chris-Chan's chris-chin, allowing Wes-Li to obtain the Cherokian crown, which has mysteriously appeared out of nowhere at this point.

Before Wes-Li can finish Chris off, Saramah finally intervenes, shooting arrows into Wes-Li's body that pin him against a non-sacred tree.

===Advertisement 2===
Sonichu appears with a milk-mustache, to support the [[homos|California Milk Processing Board]].

==Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"==
{{Resources
| title =The Evil that Stomped CWCville
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_25 ''Episode 9''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_9{{!}}''Episode 9''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P13.htm ''Episode 9''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=9 ''Episode 9''}}
Having saved Chris-Chan's ass, Saramah returns to him the Cherokian crown that he had never previously had in the first place. She then reads the riot act to Wes-Li, allowing him and Chris-Chan to recognize that she is Sarah Hammer. Outraged over the way Wes-Li has treated her bestest friend ever, Saramah yanks her lightning arrows right out of his chest, and breaks up with him on the spot. Wes-Li cries and pouts like a little bitch (although not as badly as Christian does) until Saramah reminds the trio of their duty to stop the prophesied evil.

Chris-Chan, Wes-Li, and Saramah battle Count Graduon. Sarah breaks up with Wes, but then turns around and cockblocks Chris as well. Just then Sonichu reappears for the first time in, like, a week to tell Chris-Chan that [[Rosechu]] called to say a rock monster is attacking CWCville. Chris sends Sonichu on ahead, and Saramah uses her powers to levitate the others in floating bubbles.

Meanwhile, in CWCville, it is apparent that the giant golem monster is being directed by Christian's old nemesis [[Mary Lee Walsh]], riding a broom and armed with a scepter possessed by an ancient spirit. The spirit gloats that, despite having been imprisoned for centuries by the Cherokian and Wasabi clans, he will have his revenge and rule the world. When the hedgehogs arrive, Saramah asks for Chris-Chan's opinion based on his familiarity with the city. Chris's answer has nothing to do with that; he vaguely suggests that large monsters always have weak knees (which is just a throwaway gag from an episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which made a lot more sense in context). Wes-Li is thoroughly depressed by Saramah breaking up with him, and is utterly useless. Chris, who would '''never''' surrender to self-pity, gives Wes-Li a pep talk.

All this time, that stupid cunt [[Rosechu]] has been spending Sonichu's hard-earned money at CWCville Mall instead of using her superpowers to get shit done. She stands around hoping Sonichu and Chris-Chan will be all right, which is all bitches are good for.

[[Image:SchuComic3Page32.jpg|thumb|left|In this panel, Saramah and Wes-Li attack the golem while Chris-Chan smokes a massive joint.]]

The three Electric Hedgehogs employ a three-pronged attack, completely disregarding Chris's prior idea of focusing on the knees. Their combined forces stagger the golem, and Chris leads them in their Team Blast maneuver, the Blue Fireball Attack, for the win. With the golem destroyed, they face down Mary Lee Walsh, but she elects to retreat while the scepter casually introduces itself as the ancient evil, [[Count Graduon]]. Sonichu finally shows up, having arrived too late for his entire self-titled series, although he has Rosechu in tow, suggesting he stopped off for a quickie on the way. The three prophesied hedgehogs revert to their human states and Chris summons a cab to take them back to his mayoral office.

Later, in Chris's bedroom, he and Sarah discuss their adventure and catch up on old times. Chris spies [[china|an opening]] now that Wes is out of the picture, and it just so happens Sarah is thinking about a new man in her life...named [[William Spicer|William]]. Looks like somebody just laid down the Yu-Gi-Oh! card for cockblocked, amirite?

In a coda to this issue, Chris dedicates the story to the real life Sarah Hammer, his best friend in the whole wide world. Judging from the tribute page, he doesn't seem to know anything about her beyond age ten.

===Dedication Page===
Chris gives the short, short-version of ''[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]'' in a single page dedication.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 3{{!}}''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQfYyY24aCo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=14 ''Sub-Episode 3''}}
This story is an expanded, redrawn version of the 18 March [[2004]] comic strip seen in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' 0]].

Following her brief, unexplained appearances in Episode 9, Christian's narration quickly gives [[Mary Lee Walsh]] a proper introduction, explaining that she tore up his [[Attraction Sign]], shattered his [[heart level|heart]], and hurt his soul in the early months of his [[Love Quest]]. He resolves that Mary Lee must be stopped before she hurts others.

Despite his [[ancestor]] advising him to use his powers responsibly to protect innocents, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] commences an unprovoked invasion of Mary Lee Walsh's office at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], while she is stirring some potion in a boiling cauldron. Chris-Chan makes a token effort to suggest he's here for the safety of the public, but it's obvious he's just avenging Christian Weston Chandler. Walsh mocks Chris-Chan's corny old [[Sailor Moon]] poses and attacks him with dark magic, but Chris-Chan counters with Thunderbolt, Double Team, and Mirror Coat.

Seeing that their magical attacks are too evenly matched, Walsh invites Chris to hand-to-hand combat. Chris assures us he's never hit a woman, but since she's asking for it, he strikes her with a Mach Punch. The blow from a super-powered hedgehog doesn't faze her, however, and she responds with a Kick to the Balls. Chris-Chan tries a Mega Kick, but just then Walsh lunges with her pitchfork and somehow presses his transformation spot without completely impaling him.

Chris reverts back to human form and lays prone on the ground, as Mary Lee Walsh puts two and two together: Chris-Chan Sonichu is secretly Christian Weston Chandler. Having shattered his heart, defeated him battle, and discovered his secret identity, Walsh decides there's nothing left to do but kill Christian. Before the final blow is struck, however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] intervenes, revealing that he has been watching the whole time in case his father needed help. Christian quickly recovers and together they deliver their final attack. As Walsh cackles maniacally, Chris casts [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] while Sonichu uses Thunder; the combined energy appears to destroy Mary Lee, as she screams into oblivion. Or does she...?

===Back Cover===
In the original releases of ''Sonichu'' #2, the back cover featured a personal army request from CWC, where he asks his fans to start a grass-roots campaign to get [[Nintendo]] to recognize and embrace the ''Sonichu'' Franchise.

In the CWCipedia version, however, the back cover message has been replaced with the ad for ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:AxeAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:GotMilk.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Sarahhammerdedication.jpg|Dedication Page
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Sarah Hammer]]
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-11-22T21:58:37Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of [[Sonic]]'s shadow... which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy [[Ivo Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-11-22T21:58:12Z

Cows: /* Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat" */

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of [[Sonic]]'s shadow... which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy [[Ivo Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-11-22T21:57:50Z

Cows: /* Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of [[Sonic]]'s shadow... which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy [[Ivo Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-11-22T21:57:29Z

Cows: /* Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of [[Sonic]]'s shadow... which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy [[Ivo Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-11-22T21:56:54Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose," and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Poké Ball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]]. That a newly-created Pokémon immediately recognized Chris as his "father" is never actually explained.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Game Cube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0, but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-11-22T21:56:18Z

Cows: /* Classic Sonichu Strips */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose," and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Poké Ball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]]. That a newly-created Pokémon immediately recognized Chris as his "father" is never actually explained.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Game Cube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0, but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-11-22T21:55:32Z

Cows: /* Classic Sonichu Strips */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose," and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Poké Ball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]]. That a newly-created Pokémon immediately recognized Chris as his "father" is never actually explained.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Game Cube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0, but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-11-22T21:55:11Z

Cows: /* Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose," and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Poké Ball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]]. That a newly-created Pokémon immediately recognized Chris as his "father" is never actually explained.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Game Cube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0, but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-11-22T21:54:43Z

Cows: /* Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin" */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose," and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Poké Ball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]]. That a newly-created Pokémon immediately recognized Chris as his "father" is never actually explained.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Game Cube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0, but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-11-22T21:54:05Z

Cows: /* Introductions */ Change from cogsdev.org to sonichu.com link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose," and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Poké Ball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]]. That a newly-created Pokémon immediately recognized Chris as his "father" is never actually explained.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Game Cube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0, but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

100 2357.MOV

2010-11-22T21:49:35Z

Cows: /* Transcript */ Fixed Previous Video Link

{{recent}}
'''100 2357.MOV''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 22 [[November 2010]]. Once again, Chris announces he is to leave the [[Internet]]. Chris also removed all his other [[YouTube]] videos around the time this one was uploaded. His [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] have still not been replaced or repaired properly.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2357.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eQqO3kFaV2w}}
| stardate = 22 [[November 2010]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2278]]
| next = Current
}}

===Transcript===

Attention: Read my lips.

Online socialization is a bust. Socialize in real life is the tops.

And also: NO MORE VIDEOS!

Fuck you most ''[displays middle finger]'' and fuck you ''[shows other middle finger]'', social sites like [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]].

[''[[Pedo-glasses|dramatic glasses removal, shaking head]]'']

I'm out.

''[Camera turns off]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100_2278]]|nextlink=Current}}

==See also==
Chris's five previous claims that he was leaving the Internet forever:
*[[YouTube Finale]] (30 March 2009)
*[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]] (21 March 2010)
*[[100 2188]] (27 May 2010}
*[[100 2189]] (31 May 2010)
*[[6 June 2010]]

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Mumble 7

2010-07-23T18:39:06Z

Cows: /* Let's finish this TEN MINUTES AT A TIME? */

I'll begin work on this tomorrow. Sit tight. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 02:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
:I did start a bit a while back but I didn't finish it. I'll just put what I have, might be some errors. --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 04:03, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
::Ok, it's up to 6:21. Have fun with the rest --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 04:24, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
:::Thanks a ''lot''. I also appreciate you clearing up 'lust is a sin'. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 12:16, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

Transcribe les putanes, and leave the summarizing to me :) --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 12:25, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

...Whoops, just committed a noob's mistake. I ''did not know'' just how hard it is to transcribe Chris - damn bastard keeps stuttering. Course, all transcriptions have to fit the voices ''exactly'', right? --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 17:08, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
:Would like to add to this tragic situation, I'm English born-and-bred and I can't make out semi-important parts. Last time I checked, my ears are working perfectly; somebody with a better grasp of the language should fill in the blanks. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 18:04, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
==Let's finish this TEN MINUTES AT A TIME?==
Transcribed 5.45 - 15.45. I am trying to start a community project based around the Mumbles. For more info, check my userpage. The next person can do 15.45-25.45 or whatever... Or I will probably end up doing that too. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 21:31, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

:I can do 15.45-25.45, if you haven't already started. [[User:Cows|Cows]] 02:09, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
::<s>DOWNLOADING DIS BITCH. And then I guess I'll transcribe some. Is what's up right now really up to the 15:45 point? Fuck it, I'll start from 25:00 and work forward from there. I must stress, I'm bad when it comes to differentiating between voices, so corrections might be needed.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:38, 21 July 2010 (UTC)</s>
:::These people talk over eachother so much.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:48, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
::::Guys I fucked up my hands somehow. I'm typing this with two fingers, and I'm not going to be transcribing much of anything for awhile. Sorry :( --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:33, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

:I did like a minute during the part about Shotacon just to try it out before I saw the above (so I fully expect it to get deleted). However, I also put in headings to sort of divide it up by subject, so that it's not just one massive wall of text. Hopefully that helps/is continued. [[User:Theonlysaneone|Theonlysaneone]] 06:51, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
:I AM CURRENTLY WORKING ON 25.00 TO 35.00 SINCE THE EARLIER PARTS SEEM COVERED BY OTHER PEOPLE. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 14:47, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
::OKAY COOL--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 21:50, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
:FINISHED UNTIL 35.13. PLEASE GET THOSE EARLIER PARTS UP. I AM NOW WORKING ON 35.00 TILL 45.00. COME ON GUYS, DON'T LEAVE ME HAINGING!!! --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:19, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
::My part is about half done. Have had IRL stuff to do, but it should be done by tonight. [[User:Cows|Cows]] 18:39, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

If you guys have already finished parts, can you go ahead and post them so we aren't working on the same things? Everything up to 15:00 is transcribed, posted and formatted. Even if it's not formatted that's easy to do, just get it up there. [[User:Theonlysaneone|Theonlysaneone]] 02:54, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
:As long as people have indicated what they are working on, it should all match up in the end. But yeah, formatting is a secondary concern to getting the words that come out of their mouths.--[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:19, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Mumble 7

2010-07-21T02:09:59Z

Cows: /* Let's finish this TEN MINUTES AT A TIME? */

Chris's resume

2010-07-19T03:09:23Z

Cows: /* Contact Info */ Fixed messed up formating.

<div style="float: right;">
__TOC__
</div>
On 09 [[September 2009]], '''Chris's resume''' finally surfaced onto the Internet, through the effort of a troll with a friend who worked in an HR department.

== Analysis ==

As is to be expected, for someone with [[Chris and art|no discernible skills]] and extremely limited work experience, the Resume is less than impressive. No less than three times Chris pads his resume by claiming his "volunteer work" for pokemon league events at [[The Game Place]] and other locations as actual work experience (when in reality he had no authority, and in fact was himself closely monitored by the actual employees).

Chris's resume includes a few points where he talks about his desire to work for a comics publisher, such as DC or Archie. However, it's unlikely that Chris has sent this resume to either company, likely simply uploading it to Monster and waiting for others to contact him (not unlike his [[attraction sign]]). He is seemingly unaware that, in general, these companies prefer to see art portfolios, with non-art work experience rarely considered. His "quick construction skills from scratch" (especially considering that he's referring to constructing decks in a children's card game) are hardly of interest to an art director... or any other potential employer, for that matter.

= The resume =

The following is Chris's complete resume, as it is posted on the popular resume website Monster.com, with only minor edits for wiki styling.

==Contact Info==

"[[Christopher's name change|Christopher]]" [[Christian Weston Chandler]] 
[[14 Branchland Court|14 Branchland Ct.]], [[Ruckersville, VA]] 22968-9545 
Home: 434-990-0198 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 434-990-0198 end_of_the_skype_highlighting
Cell: 434-760-0848 
[[CWCipedia|Cwcipedia]]/CWC’s Sonichu and Rosechu Site! 
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page]

==Objectives==

I wish to make my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] franchise Official, with getting me paper published at [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie]], [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], [[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]] or [[Wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse Comics]], with continuing work as Comic Book Artist and Story Creator/Editor, good pay, eventual Official Sonichu and Rosechu Merchandise that I, personally, can officially sign-off on and further enforce my nine-year-old copyright with a more peaceful future. (See attached pages for more info).

==Experience==
''[Note: for some reason, Chris listed each experience with an "Experience" heading. It is unknown why Chris did this, but for the sake of clarity, all job experience is collated into one heading.]''

Date of Employment: March 17, [[2000]] – Current 
(Self) C.W.C. Comics 
Ruckersville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Drawing, writing, coloring and story-telling the continuing adventures of Sonichu, Rosechu and myself from life, creating from scratch and setting up the first original Sonichu Site, [[CWC’s Sonichu Site]], as well as its sibling sites.
* Functional Skills: [[Chris and art|Great hand-drawing skills]], [[Chris and writing|story-telling and editing]], building design from Computer Aided Drafting and Design ([[CADD]]), quick touch-typing skills, great Photoshop experiences, good HTML skills.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, [[2003]] – September, 2003 
[[Cutco]] Cutlery 
[[Charlottesville, VA]] 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Salesman of their fine [[Pocket knife|cutlery]] with the patented double-d edges.
* Functional Skills: Good people/social skills, great memorization of the salesman routine (won my boss over greatly with that memorizing).
* Transferable Skills: Good people/social skills, memorizing and swift learning.

Date of Employment: August, [[2001]] – October, 2001 
[[Wendy's|Wendys]]''[sic]'' Restaurant 
Ruckersville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: Cleaning trays, tables and carpet/tile flooring, keeping the place neat and serving the customers with kind, understanding help.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: March, [[1998]] ''[sic]''<ref>The Pokémon trading card game wasn't released in North America until December 1998, and its official league wasn't founded until the following year.</ref> – June, [[2000]] 
[[Wikipedia:Books-a-Million|Books-a-Million]] 
[[Wikipedia:Midlothian,_VA|Midlothian, VA]] 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pok’emon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pok’emon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, 2000 – June, [[2002]] 
Toys “R” Us 
Charlottesville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pok’emon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pok’emon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

Date of Employment: June, 2002 – June, [[2007]] 
[[The GAMe PLACe|The (Game & Hobby) Place]] 
Charlottesville, VA 

Job Title

* Primary Duties: I volunteered to help out as the Gym Leader’s Assistant for the Pok’emon Trading Card Game league. I have taught many children how to play the game with care and respect, constructed their 60-card decks from their scattered collection with sound thought and speed skimming skills. I also watched over the children as I have played with them in the Pok’emon Trading Card Game.
* Functional Skills: Elbow-greased strength, good people/social skills, quick construction skills from scratch, speed thinking.
* Transferable Skills: All of the above.

==School Experience==

===Professional Education===

Dates of Attendance: 9/1/1996 to 6/15/2000
[[Manchester High School]]
Chesterfield County, Virginia

* High School Diploma with [[Honor Roll]] Grades.
* Honor Roll Star Pin awarded at Graduation.
* Certificate for serving on the varsity basketball team during my freshman year.

===Academic Education===

Dates of Attendance: August, 2000 to 6/1/2006
[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
Charlottesville, Virginia

* Made the Dean’s List with Honor Roll Grades
* Computer Aided Drafting and Design, CADD, Associates Degree
* Computer Aided Drafting and Design, CADD, Career Studies Certificate

==References==

Susan Hannifan

* PVCC Guidance Counsoler
* 501 College Dr. Charlottesville, VA 22902
* 434-961-5281
* shannifan@pvcc.edu

Reverend Elizabeth Foss

* Pastor of [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]
* 1901 Thomson Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22903
* 434-296-6976
* elizabethfoss22@earthlink.net

[[Rocky|Rocky Shoemaker]]

* Pastoral Counsoler
* 1901 Thomson Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22903
* 434-966-9636
* revrocky48@gmail.com

Tony Wayne

* Physics Teacher at Albemarle High School/Volunteer Pok’emon TCG League Gym Leader
* 2275 Hydraulic Rd. Charlottesville, VA 22901
* 434-975-9300 Ext. 60265
* vastphysics@comcast.net

==Job Objective, Full Story==

I, Christian Weston Chandler, Birth name: Christopher, born on February 24, 1982 in Charlottesville, Virginia, am an artist with vast experiences in multiple art classes with multiple media throughout my whole lifetime from Green County Primary School to Piedmont Virginia Community Collge, with a diploma from Manchester High School and a degree and certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design (CADD) from PVCC.

Since the inspiration and conception of Sonichu, the Electric-Hedgehog Pok’emon on March 17, 2000, I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books. I also have had and passed two HTML classes, and created from notepad scratch, CWC’s Pok’eSite 2!, El Pok’eSite de R.W.C. (Ricardo Weston Chandler was my Spanish nickname given to me during my two years of Spanish in Manchester High), and most importantly, the First and Original website dedicated to Sonichu, Rosechu and their adventures, CWC’s Sonichu Site.

I was also noted twice later in the periodicals of Nintendo Power magazine and PVCC’s The Forum for being the original creator of Sonichu and all. (See Periodical References below)

With the Sonichu [[Chris and English#Spelling|Stie]] originally located at http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm, it stayed online from about 2000 until early 2009, whereas my Sonichu and Rosechu fanbase has grown massively over the years; there were also internet bullies and trolls. And the trolls hacked into and compromised my original Tripod webhosting account. I’ve had to pull the plug on the Tripod account and move on to another webhosting site. The second webhosting account suffered the same fate as the first, and then I moved to GoDaddy. It got hacked too, and so I pulled the plug on all my websites late May, 2009. I stayed off for about two months, then a gal-pal of mine about that time set up for me a start of what is now the New Original CWC’s Sonichu and Rosechu Site; the wikipedia-styled Cwcipedia at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page. As I have done on the previous site, I have re-uploaded my Sonichu comic pages, and I am steadily expanding further with more stories and character bio pages.

I would like to be paper-published with a comic book company like Archie, Marvel, DC or Dark Horse comics, complete with Official Sonichu and Rosechu Merchandise I can personally sign-off on to follow for my Worldwide Fanbase.

Accept no imposturous substitutes who claim to be me or have any rights on my Sonichu and Rosechu stuff; I stand strong with my continued use of the Copyright © symbol on each of all my books and original singular art pieces and the date of creation of March 17, 2000. I have eye-witnesses at Manchester High of Sonichu’s conception and creation on that date. It also bothers me that the trolls are even selling bootleg copies of my Life DVD, Christian Weston Chandler. Yep…I’m On T.V., which was originally intent solely for family and close friend distribution. Trust one of the trolls to snag a copy and rip the vieos from the six-hour DVD-R.

I became famous without having to leave my house or go out-of-state or city.

After recent realization, on about July 17, 2009, of what I want to do, I wish to make it all official; get me paper-published with a comic book company like Archie, Marvel, DC or Dark Horse comics, with continuing work as a comic book artist and story creator/editor, good pay, eventual official Sonichu and Rosechu merchandise that I can personally and officially sign-off on and further enforce my nine-year-old copyright with a more peaceful future.

“Christopher” Christian Weston Chandler, August 11, 2009

© March 17, 2000 by “Christopher” Christian Weston Chandler.

==Periodical References==

* Nintendo Power – Volume 179, May, 2004, Page 89 – [[Nintendo Power Magazine#The Documentary|Sonichu’s Cwcville Documentary]]
* Piedmont Virginia Community College’s The Forum – Volume 1, No. 13, April 26, 2004 – Meet Sonichu – Student Featured in Nintendo Power – By Kari Mitchell, The Forum Assistant Editor.

==Downloads==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?gm5diqmjqjg Original resume]

==Notes==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Sonichu 11

2010-07-16T01:25:10Z

Cows: /* External links */ Changed Link

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = [[Image:Issue 11 Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 13 August 2009
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 12 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|Sonichu #12]]
}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{quote|The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.|[[Mailbag 51]]}}
'''''Sonichu 11''''' is the 12th comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the 10th anniversary issue. (TEN YEARS WITHOUT A CEASE AND DESIST LETTER FROM NINTENDO AND SEGA!) However, since the 10th anniversary of Sonichu's creation came and went on March 17, 2010 and this issue remains incomplete, this is now another thing Chris has [[fail|failed]] at.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while Issue 10 was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]. Christmas 2009 came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with 8 pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future.

[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
==A Sonichu Christmas==
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a Sonichu Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of Christmas Story, at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0]].

The comic opens to show the Sonichu family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9]] with a half-assed Photoshopping of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cera, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

Christine notably plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'', marking the second time Chris has stolen a ''Family Guy'' joke since [[Sonichu 8]], only this time instead of screwing up the context of the joke he manages to make the already off-color gag (that suggested Jesus's mother wasn't a virgin) more offensive, as it is being uttered by a child who intends to say it at her school play, likely leading to loud gasps, boos, and an expulsion. The scene takes focus on Sonichu and Robbie hanging stockings, Robbie proceeds to butcher a quote from a Holiday classic and they than have a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes inducing speech about his kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and Cera make an abnormally small amount of cookies, so that each child is apparently allotted one cookie in an individual plastic bag. Cera makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a Jewish kid in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie is vanilla flavored, in case the Jewish kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cera do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cera says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall. Chris really wants more people to love him unconditionally for being special. Robbie and Cera, speaking in complete sentences despite being toddlers, notice that it has snowed, with two feet expected to fall. Sonichu and Rosechu have a long conversation about purchasing groceries for "a few days."

While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45 - 55]] (which Chris types as Luke 14.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how GodJesus will reward the humble and [[Chris and his Ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this verse is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal. Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries. His trip to the supermarket was uneventful and uninteresting.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details CWCville school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot [[tobacky|"coca"]] and a warm [[Axe|shower]]. Rosechu subsequently nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of frozen precipitate, Sonichu decides to demonstrate his unholy powers to his children. "Imitating Santa", Sonichu crouches in the chimney, touches his nose, and with a cry of [[Mary Poppins|"Chim Chim Cheroo"]] flies up the flue.

He rises up out of the chimney looking like a [[niggos|ninja]] because of the soot, and then shakes it off. He then bizarrely uses his gift of sonic speed...
 ...to spend five minutes 'shoveling' the driveway while in his sonic mode, because using an actual shovel is too much [[Monthly tugboat|work]]; never mind that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and cause a [[Chris and death|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he then heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]] making a sound as if he's [[Mass debating|pleasing himself]] while Rosechu looks on holding a hideous novelty Christmas towel as she blesses him.

==The 24 April episodes==
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop uploaded two new episodes from Sonichu 11 to the CWCipedia. These stories picked up where Sonichu 10 left off with a similar dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville Mal-Wart, [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver, [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage, [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner, [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow, [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce, and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "seven-inch lightning rod."

Despite a surprisingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris overwrote them a short while later, claiming in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of another artist.

However, during The Great Rampage 2.0 (where CWCipedia was hacked for the 2nd time), the pages were restored. But the next day, the pages were deleted again when the CWCipedia died for the final time.

The pages are currently available on the newly revived CWCipedia, courtesy of Mao.

==External links==
* [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 Sonichu #11]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?duyz0z2gyd2 Sysop's not TRUE and HONEST version of pages 13-38]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-07-16T01:23:05Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian]] Weston Chandler's [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in Sonichu #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on Sonichu #0 by creating the cover on 24 November 2004 (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March 2005, although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu 0'' features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild boy [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokemon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokemon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokemon is "as pretty as a rose", and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokemon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokemon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Pokeball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and in his capacity as the city's mayor congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]].

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early CWCville. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokeworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[Jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in ''[[Sonichu 4]]''.
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', <s>coming soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Gamecube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu 0'', but moved to the back cover on the more recent CWCipedia version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through ''[[Sonichu 6]]''.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*[[Fan:Sonichu Remake]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 0

2010-07-16T01:22:30Z

Cows: /* Classic Sonichu Strips */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = [[Image:issuezero.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian]] Weston Chandler's [[Sonichu (comic)|masterpiece]]. At this point, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. We're not sure which one Chris was going for.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin," the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs," the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc," our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in Sonichu #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book.

Chris began working on Sonichu #0 by creating the cover on 24 November 2004 (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March 2005, although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself.

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVmyW9stnYs&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=0 ''Episode 1''}}
===Disclaimer Page===
''Sonichu 0'' features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode, and is read before every [[Videobook]].

===Synopsis===
A wild boy [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "mies" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of Pokemon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokemon are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress, and capable of human speech. She remarks that this new species of Pokemon is "as pretty as a rose", and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally.

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_7 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os-nNkWnNpo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=1 ''Episode 2''}}
Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]], Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]], and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Saramah Rosechu]], and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]]. The greatest attention is given to Christian himself and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an [[Lie|''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB'']]"....]]
[[Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate subsistence from the diet of a [[Pikachu]]. He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]] in existence--at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is instantly attracted to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly stalks her as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can beg this person for food.

Inside, Rosechu complains of her own loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Dragonite]] for [[Hanky-Panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the idea, since a Dragonite's cock is too big for even her own gaping slot. Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu panhandling for change. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner.

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at the moon out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of many heartwarming love scenes.

Given [[Christian]]'s own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: Boy sees girl, boy stalks girl for five minutes, girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated Sonichu games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
{{clear}}

==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3872mqS10&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=2 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations [[fail]], the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokemon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's uncontrollably lavish spending, typical of a female, but he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast food restaurant; since Rosechu has lady-parts she could only eat salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokemon fighting techniques, Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Pokeball, and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]].

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and in his capacity as the city's mayor congratulates the yellow hedgehog.

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain [[fail|failure]].

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early CWCville. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokeworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
{{clear}}

==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title =Classic Sonichu Strips
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_XS09cbMpM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=3 ''Episode 3''}}
Pages 28-34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]), makes a poor joke while chopping logs.
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (which is what all women do). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack.
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[Jerkops]], under orders from Mary Lee Walsh. Rosechu can only stand by helplessly, as she lacks a [[pickle|penis]]. Nevertheless, [[Sarhamah Rosechu]] arrives to save Chris, so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]], in ''[[Sonichu 4]]''.
{{clear}}

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxkUuXyv3A&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=12 ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this insult, and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Homos|tells everybody to dance now...]]

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]. The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel, breaks his glasses, and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit. The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure the broken man understands that his has reaped what he sowed. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|callously responds that he's suffered worse...]]

Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', <s>coming soon</s> never exclusively for Nintendo Game Cube! Note that Chris draw most of the Gamecube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu 0'', but moved to the back cover on the more recent CWCipedia version. This can actually make it difficult to find, since the CWCipedia links are [[autism|frequently broken]]. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through ''[[Sonichu 6]]''.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issuezero.jpg|Cover
Image:JargonPage.jpg|Disclaimer Page
Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Ad 1: ''Sonichu Advance'' and ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 2 (Back Cover): ''Sonichu Adventure''
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 18 Mar 2004
Image:130-CChanComicStrip.jpg|''Classic Sonichu Strip'', 5 Dec 2004
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*[[Fan:Sonichu Remake]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-07-16T01:21:17Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu 1''''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than ''[[Issue 0|Sonichu 0]]''.

Having only just created Sonichu from a Pikachu mutated by exposure to Sonic and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until Sonichu #2 that the way past cool electric hedgehog Pokemon would be out of Sonic's shadow...which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, Sonichu #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy Ivo Robotnik and Pokemon bad guy Giovanni. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon's genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokemon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Shadow the Hedgehog|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him [[Black Sonichu]].

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of CWCville and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the Zapbud fields to Kel's cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, Sonic the Hedgehog decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokemon Trading Card Game! [[EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokemon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' Sonichu Franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth).

Meanwhile, on the moon, Metal Sonichu is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance...

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike...and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named Hanna. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on [[Sprung]] to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to Nintendo GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Black Sonichu]]
*[[Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-07-16T01:20:49Z

Cows: /* Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu 1''''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than ''[[Issue 0|Sonichu 0]]''.

Having only just created Sonichu from a Pikachu mutated by exposure to Sonic and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until Sonichu #2 that the way past cool electric hedgehog Pokemon would be out of Sonic's shadow...which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, Sonichu #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy Ivo Robotnik and Pokemon bad guy Giovanni. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon's genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokemon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Shadow the Hedgehog|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him [[Black Sonichu]].

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of CWCville and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the Zapbud fields to Kel's cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, Sonic the Hedgehog decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokemon Trading Card Game! [[EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokemon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' Sonichu Franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth).

Meanwhile, on the moon, Metal Sonichu is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance...

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike...and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named Hanna. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on [[Sprung]] to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to Nintendo GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Black Sonichu]]
*[[Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-07-16T01:20:11Z

Cows: /* Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu 1''''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than ''[[Issue 0|Sonichu 0]]''.

Having only just created Sonichu from a Pikachu mutated by exposure to Sonic and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until Sonichu #2 that the way past cool electric hedgehog Pokemon would be out of Sonic's shadow...which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, Sonichu #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy Ivo Robotnik and Pokemon bad guy Giovanni. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon's genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokemon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Shadow the Hedgehog|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him [[Black Sonichu]].

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of CWCville and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the Zapbud fields to Kel's cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, Sonic the Hedgehog decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokemon Trading Card Game! [[EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokemon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' Sonichu Franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth).

Meanwhile, on the moon, Metal Sonichu is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance...

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike...and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named Hanna. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on [[Sprung]] to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to Nintendo GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Black Sonichu]]
*[[Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2010-07-16T01:19:39Z

Cows: /* Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = [[Image:issueone.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu 1''''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than ''[[Issue 0|Sonichu 0]]''.

Having only just created Sonichu from a Pikachu mutated by exposure to Sonic and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until Sonichu #2 that the way past cool electric hedgehog Pokemon would be out of Sonic's shadow...which happens to be about the time Chris starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, Sonichu #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's enemy Ivo Robotnik and Pokemon bad guy Giovanni. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, Naitsirhc, is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, Black Sonichu or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX-RBhsb5Y&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=4 ''Episode 4''}}

===Synopsis===

[[Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon's genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokemon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Shadow the Hedgehog|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him [[Black Sonichu]].

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XJdd8vtmO4&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=5 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of CWCville and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the Zapbud fields to Kel's cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, Sonic the Hedgehog decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokemon Trading Card Game! [[EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokemon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' Sonichu Franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylo3Kc3azSY&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=6 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's simplistic female brain and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad geinus! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth).

Meanwhile, on the moon, Metal Sonichu is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance...

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Mall]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as God and Jesus intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike...and by the fact they are wearing different ([[fail|and thus legally distinct]]) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| cwcipedia =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J1IdfXlrtM&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=13 ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always [[fail|fails]] at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named Hanna. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "fat man dancing in a gay rainbow vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on [[Sprung]] to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in honor roll, dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his comeuppance.

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to Nintendo GameCube.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:issueone.jpg|Cover
Image:Sonichu_on_Game_Boy_Advance.jpg|Ad 1
Image:SchuComic2Page21.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|CWC's Art Gallery
Image:RainbowChris.jpg|The infamous [[rainbow]] picture from Sub-Episode 2...
Image:LoveQuestOverSpecialEdition.jpg|...and the [[August 2009]] [[retcon|revised]] version of the same page
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Ad 3 (Back Cover)
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Black Sonichu]]
*[[Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 2

2010-07-16T01:18:21Z

Cows: /* Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront" */ Changed Links

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #2
| cover = [[Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 24 April 2005
| finishedcomic = 3 May 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 7-9
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]
| next = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #2''''' is the third [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. This is where the comic begins to focus mostly on [[Chris]] with [[Sonichu]] as a side character.

This issue introduces one of the bigger macguffins in Sonichu canon, the "Anchuent Prophecy" that by predicting future events, somehow also causes them to inexplicably occur. Having addressed Sonic and the introduction of Black Sonichu in the previous issue, Chris's next urgent business is to get down to addressing his feelings from his awkward love triangle with [[Sarah Hammer]] and [[Wes Iseli]], via this trilogy in which they turn into furries and are forced to team up to attack a giant monster. Note that Chris completed this entire issue in under two weeks--a blistering pace compared to his later efforts--suggesting that his heart was most into his work when he was using it to talk about himself.

By the end of Sonichu #2, both [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] are firmly established as the primary villains of the series...at least until the trolls start showing up.

==Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Anchuent Prophecy
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_1 ''Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_7{{!}}''Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P1.htm ''Episode 7''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNb58F8KI8&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=7 ''Episode 7''}}
[[Image:Chrisansestore.jpg|thumb|left|Cherokees often look like white children.]]
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is zapping to the extreme in a field somewhere near [[CWCville]] when he discovers a strange rock formation. The largest of the three rocks has a cave-like opening, with the other two rocks in front of it. Sonichu notices a hedgehog-looking insignia on one of the smaller rocks and pauses to read its inscription: "Only the Creature, and his Master, of the Prophecy may enter the Destiny Cave."

Just then, the other rock is revealed to actually be a mysterious old man, who explains that he is the [[Keeper of the Destiny Cave]]. He instantly recognizes Sonichu as the Creature of the Prophecy, and explains that Sonichu's true original creator can enter the Destiny Cave to unlock a special power. Sonichu zaps back home to tell this to [[Christian Weston Chandler]], who seems to immediately tell it back to him. They then leave for the cave.

Here they learn the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] of the [[Cherokian Clan]], which tells of how the clan's [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|leader]] would be reincarnated as someone who gives birth (that's actually what it says) to an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]]. This reincarnated chieftain would then come to the Destiny Cave and release the powers of his past life, as well as the powers of his [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|queen]] and [[Wasabi Rival|rival]]. The reincarnations of these three people would receive their released powers, allowing them to transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokemon to battle an ancient evil that was inadvertently released by Sonichu's discovery of the cave.

Deciding that he will need the ancient powers to defeat the ancient evil, Christian fulfills the Anchuent prophecy by place in his homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] on an ancient pedestal in the ancient center of the ancient cave. As the Keeper says the magical words "Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!" the medallion levitates and returns to Chris's neck, causing him to experience a vision. Chris speaks with his past self, who was in life Christian's Cherokee great-great-grandfather. This ancestor warns Chris that his rival will try to fight him, but his [[gal pal|lady friend]] will show up to help.

Christian tries out his new powers, and when he awakes from the vision he finds he has been transformed into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], an electric hedgehog that could best be described as [[Sonic the Hedgehog|a blue version of Sonichu]]. Chris-Chan is pleased by this development, but Sonichu is disturbed and asks that they both zap out of the cave.

Elsewhere, mystic energies rain down upon the homes of [[Wes Iseli]] and [[Sarah Hammer]], delivering enchanted totems of ancient power...

===Advertisement 1===
The makers of [[AXE]] purchase an ad with a questionable marketing strategy: smell so great, it's almost like you bathed!
{{-}}

==Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"==
{{Resources
| title =Chaos & Serenity
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ''Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8{{!}}''Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P6.htm ''Episode 8''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=8 ''Episode 8''}}
[[Wes Iseli]] experiences a vision very similar to Christian's, in which he meets his past self, a member of the [[Wasabi Clan]] wearing a robe and wizard hat. Just as the Cherokee leader had said, his Wasabi rival is only concerned with their old grudge and instructs Wes to use the power of the Fireshock Pendant to seek revenge against Christian. Since Chris was once jealous of Wes, this is of course perfect motivation for Wes to want to kill Chris, so he accepts this mission and transforms into the orange Wes-Li Sonichu, and undergoes training during his vision.

[[Sarah Hammer]] also experiences a vision, wherein she meets the [[queen of the Cherokee Clan]]. The queen tells Sarah that she must use her Lightning Bracelets to bring serenity to the other hedgehogs of the prophecy, whom she does not direct identify for some reason. Sarah transforms into Saramah Rosechu and also trains to use her newfound powers.

Instead of receiving training from his ancestor, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been instructed in the use of his powers by Sonichu. The only thing they can't figure out is how to change Chris-Chan back to Christian Chandler, until Sonichu gives his father an awkward pat on the chest. By touching the pattern in Chris-Chan's fur shaped like his medallion, Sonichu accidentally changes Christian back to normal. Unfortunately, this has left Christian vulnerable, as Wes-Li has arrived to destroy him. Saramah is not far off, but will not arrive in time to prevent the fight.

Chris and Sonichu are able to avoid Wes-Li's initial attacks, until the orange hedgehog reveals himself as the rival foretold in the prophecy. Once Chris realizes that Wes-Li is Wes Iseli, they stop fighting long enough to air their grievances, little realizing that Saramah is eavesdropping. Chris admits he was jealous for Sarah, while Wes-Li rambles on about the coveted [[Cherokian crown]]. Saramah is awed by Chris being jealous for her, because that sort of thing always turns chicks on. Wes-Li finally resumes the battle, but Christian counters with [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, which buys him time to transform back into Chris-Chan. The two furries trade shitty anime attacks until Wes-Li lands a Sky Uppercut to Chris-Chan's chris-chin, allowing Wes-Li to obtain the Cherokian crown, which has mysteriously appeared out of nowhere at this point.

Before Wes-Li can finish Chris off, Saramah finally intervenes, shooting arrows into Wes-Li's body that pin him against a non-sacred tree.

===Advertisement 2===
Sonichu appears with a milk-mustache, to support the [[homos|California Milk Processing Board]].

==Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"==
{{Resources
| title =The Evil that Stomped CWCville
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_25 ''Episode 9''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_9{{!}}''Episode 9''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P13.htm ''Episode 9''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4SHK76Qszc&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=9 ''Episode 9''}}
Having saved Chris-Chan's ass, Saramah returns to him the Cherokian crown that he had never previously had in the first place. She then reads the riot act to Wes-Li, allowing him and Chris-Chan to recognize that she is Sarah Hammer. Outraged over the way Wes-Li has treated her bestest friend ever, Saramah yanks her lightning arrows right out of his chest, and breaks up with him on the spot. Wes-Li cries and pouts like a little bitch (although not as badly as Christian does) until Saramah reminds the trio of their duty to stop the prophesied evil.

Chris-Chan, Wes-Li, and Saramah battle Count Graduon. Sarah breaks up with Wes, but then turns around and cockblocks Chris as well. Just then Sonichu reappears for the first time in, like, a week to tell Chris-Chan that [[Rosechu]] called to say a rock monster is attacking CWCville. Chris sends Sonichu on ahead, and Saramah uses her powers to levitate the others in floating bubbles.

Meanwhile, in CWCville, it is apparent that the giant golem monster is being directed by Christian's old nemesis [[Mary Lee Walsh]], riding a broom and armed with a scepter possessed by an ancient spirit. The spirit gloats that, despite having been imprisoned for centuries by the Cherokian and Wasabi clans, he will have his revenge and rule the world. When the hedgehogs arrive, Saramah asks for Chris-Chan's opinion based on his familiarity with the city. Chris's answer has nothing to do with that; he vaguely suggests that large monsters always have weak knees (which is just a throwaway gag from an episode of [[Excel Saga]], which made a lot more sense in context). Wes-Li is thoroughly depressed by Saramah breaking up with him, and is utterly useless. Chris, who would '''never''' surrender to self-pity, gives Wes-Li a pep talk.

All this time, that stupid cunt [[Rosechu]] has been spending Sonichu's hard-earned money at CWCville Mall instead of using her superpowers to get shit done. She stands around hoping Sonichu and Chris-Chan will be all right, which is all bitches are good for.

[[Image:SchuComic3Page32.jpg|thumb|left|In this panel, Saramah and Wes-Li attack the golem while Chris-Chan smokes a massive joint.]]

The three hedgehogs employ a three-pronged attack, completely disregarding Chris's prior idea of focusing on the knees. Their combined forces stagger the golem, and Chris leads them in their Team Blast maneuver, the Blue Fireball Attack, for the win. With the golem destroyed, they face down Mary Lee Walsh, but she elects to retreat while the scepter casually introduces itself as the ancient evil, [[Count Graduon]]. Sonichu finally shows up, having arrived too late for <s>the battle</s> <s>this whole issue</s> his entire self-titled series, although he has Rosechu in tow, suggesting he stopped off for a quickie on the way. The three prophesied hedgehogs revert to their human states and Chris summons a cab to take them back to his mayoral office.

Later, in Chris's bedroom, he and Sarah discuss their adventure and catch up on old times. Chris spies [[china|an opening]] now that Wes is out of the picture, and it just so happens Sarah is thinking about a new man in her life...named [[William Spicer|William]]. Looks like somebody just laid down the Yu-Gi-Oh! card for cockblocked, amirite?

In a coda to this issue, Chris dedicates the story to the real life Sarah Hammer, his best friend in the whole wide world. Judging from the tribute page, he doesn't seem to know anything about her beyond age ten.

===Dedication Page===
Chris gives the short, short-version of ''[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]'' in a single page dedication.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| cwcipedia =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode 3{{!}}''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchuComic3P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQfYyY24aCo&feature=PlayList&p=4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1&index=14 ''Sub-Episode 3''}}
This story is an expanded, redrawn version of the March 18, 2004 comic strip seen in ''[[Sonichu 0]]''.

Following her brief, unexplained appearances in Episode 9, Christian's narration quickly gives Mary Lee Walsh a proper introduction, explaining that she tore up his [[sign]], shattered his [[heart level|heart]], and hurt his soul in the early months of his [[Love Quest]]. He resolves that Mary Lee must be stopped before she hurts others.

Despite his [[ancestor]] advising him to use his powers responsibly to protect innocents, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] commences an unprovoked invasion of Mary Lee Walsh's office at the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], while she is stirring some potion in a boiling cauldron. Chris-Chan makes a token effort to suggest he's here for the safety of the public, but it's obvious he's just avenging Christian Weston Chandler. Walsh mocks Chris-Chan's corny old [[Sailor Moon]] poses and attacks him with dark magic, but Chris-Chan counters with Thunderbolt, Double Team, and Mirror Coat.

Seeing that their magical attacks are too evenly matched, Walsh invites Chris to hand-to-hand combat. Chris assures us he's never hit a woman, but since <s>he scripted it so that</s> she's asking for it, he strikes her with a Mach Punch. The blow from a super-powered hedgehog doesn't faze her, however, and she responds with a Kick in the Balls. Chris-Chan tries a Mega Kick, but just then Walsh lunges with her pitchfork and somehow presses his transformation spot without completely impaling him.

Chris reverts back to human form and lays prone on the ground, as Mary Lee Walsh puts two and two together: Chris-Chan Sonichu is secretly Christian Weston Chandler. Having shattered his heart, defeated him battle, and discovered his secret identity, Walsh decides there's nothing left to do but kill Christian. Before the final blow is struck, however, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] intervenes, revealing that he has been watching the whole time in case his father needed help. Christian quickly recovers and together they deliver their final attack. As Walsh cackles maniacally, Chris casts [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] while Sonichu uses Thunder; the combined energy appears to destroy Mary Lee, as she screams into oblivion. Or does she...?

===Back Cover===
In the original releases of ''Sonichu 2'', the back cover featured a personal army request from CWC, where he asks his fans to start a grass-roots campaign to get Nintendo to recognize and embrace the Sonichu Franchise.

In the CWCipedia version, however, the back cover message has been replaced with the ad for ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic3Cover.jpg|Cover
Image:AxeAd.jpg|Ad 1
Image:GotMilk.jpg|Ad 2
Image:Sarahhammerdedication.jpg|Dedication Page
Image:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Sarah Hammer]]
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]