CWCki - User contributions [en]

Hotel Ricky Ricardo

2010-02-03T04:11:06Z

Cthulhu: /* IV Our employees and client's activities: */

[[Image:HotelRickyRicardo.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression. Those who try to check out end up like the guy by the road. ''You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave...'']]
[[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]] (also translated as '''Hotel Richy Ricardo''') is a Spanish class assignment in which [[Chris]] describes a hotel as he would run it. It was discovered in the site archives released by [[Clyde Cash]] in [[October 2009]]. The whole thing is a bizarre combination of Chris's horrible version of Spanish (requiring liberal insertions of [sic]), combined with the relatively innocent naiveté of a seemingly normal childhood, as demonstrated by choosing to inhabit his fictional hotel with children's video game characters. This sort of thing is common amongst children as old as 8, which should really tell you something about Chris's mental maturity, as he wrote this when he was "barely" 18 years old.

Chris also includes himself when listing activities for employees and clients (although he doesn't always clarify which is which) as well as some other people he knows. Amongst the other, mundane activities such as Chris playing videogames with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], or [[Rosechu|Amy Rose]] going shopping is one strangely poignant mention of Chris's [[Barbara|mother]] getting angry and yelling at his [[Robert|father]].

Of note, Chris places himself in the category of [[List of Chris's lies|"great artists"]], alongside Michelangelo and DaVinci. [[Chris and art|You keep telling yourself that, Chris]].

==Original text==

:[[Ricardo]] W. Chandler.
:12/3/Y2K Español II, 7.
:Hotel Richy Ricardo Rough Draft:

===I. La Guia Michelin:===

:Richy Ricardo, pl Estación, 4692, 634 92 10,
:Telex 83392-

Com 2100, 200 hab, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Descripción del Hotel:===

El hotel, Richy Ricardo, es un hotel de gran confort. Tiene un restaurante y está en la Plaza Estación. El número de teléfono es 634 92 10. Tiene un ascensor, una piscina y un garaje. En las habitaciones, hay un televisor, aire acondicionado, y un sistema de los juegos de videos, Sega Dreamcast. Y con el Dreamcast hay muchos juegos de videos y acceso al internet. Puede comprar o alquilar un Jump Pack o un VMU para el Dreamcast en el recepción. Hay un teléfono a las habitaciones. En este hotel hay 200 habitaciones. Una habitación cuesta entre 15.500 y 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 y 2,100 dolares americanos). El desayuno está incluido en el precio de la habitación. Aceptan tres tarjetas de crédito: American Express, Visa y Discovery. También aceptan unos cheques de viajero.

===III En Nuestras Habitaciones Hay...:===

# En las habitaciones hay una cama matrimonial y dos camas sencillas.
# En las habitaciones hay un clóset grande y un escritorio.
# En las habitaciones hay una mesita de noche pequeña.
# En las habitaciones hay una cómoda grande y cuatro cajones.
# En las habitaciones hay dos sillas, una mesita de café, un sillón comodo y un sofá.
# En las habitaciones hay unos cuadros do los artistas buenos: DeVinci, Michalanglo y C.W. Chandler.
# En las habitaciones hay una ducha, un W.C., un lavabo y un espejo largo.
# En las habitaciones hay un televisor pesado.
# En las habitaciones hay una sistema de los juegos do videos: Sega Dreamcast con unos juegos de videos; muy moderno.
# En las habitaciones hay un estante formal.

===IV Las Actividades de nuestros Empleados y nuestros Clientes del Hotel:===

# Nuestro cliente, Sonic el Puerco Espino juege a la guitarra para las chicas bonitas cerca de la piscina.
# Nuestro cliente, Amy Rose va de compras en las tiendas de departamento cerca del hotel.
# Nuestro emplejado, Jose hace las comidas en la cocina.
# La Sra. Cox juege al juego de video, Hydro Thunder con su hijo pequeño, Christian Cox.
# El Sr. Cox juege al tenis en el parque que está lejos del hotel.
# Cada noche, Sr. [[Red Skelton]] dice muchos chistes comicos en nuestro restraunte.
# Yo hago mi website de Pokémon, El PokéSite de RWC 2!
# Knuckles sube el muro del hotel.
# Tails cria los chaoes en el jardín del Chao.
# La empleada, Tiffany lava las toallas, las ropas y las cortinas del hotel.
# La empleada, Kellie arregla los muebles en las habitaciones.
# Mi madre discute con mi padre cuándo están enojados.
# Los chaoes nadan en el lago del jardín.
# Christian Cox está enojado si no durmió bien.
# Sonic y yo jugamos al juego de video, Sonic Adventure; Sonic tiene mas puntos que mi.

===V El Presidente del Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

¡Hola! Me llamo Ricardo. Yo tengo 18 años. Soy alto y delgado. Tengo el pelo pardo, un ojo azul y un ojo verde. Soy honesto; a mi, me gusta decir la verdad. Soy inteligente; yo sé las matemáticas, Español, fotografía y la computadora. Soy divertido; yo juego unos juegos de videos y el juego de las tarjetas de Pokémon. Soy un artista; me gusta hacer mucho arte. Tenga un buen día.

==Translation==

===I. The Michelin Guide:===

Richy Ricardo, Station pl, 4692, 634 92 10,
Telex 83392-

Com 2100 200 rooms, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Hotel Description:===

This hotel, [[I Love Lucy|Richy Ricardo]], is a hotel of great comfort. It has a restaurant which is in the [[Station Square|Station Plaza]]. The telephone number is 634 92 10. It has an elevator, a pool and a [[Son-chu|garage]]. In the rooms, there is a television set, air conditioning, and a video game system, Sega Dreamcast. And for the Dreamcast there are many games and Internet access. You can buy or rent a Jump Pack or a VMU for the dreamcast at the lobby. There is a telephone in each room. In this hotel there are 200 rooms. A room costs between [[Chris and money|15.500 and 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 and 2,100 american dollars)]]. Breakfast is included with the room price. They accept three credit cards: American Express, Visa and Discovery. They also accept some traveler checks.

===III In our rooms there are...:===

# In the rooms there is a [[Fuck Quest|double sized bed]] and two single beds.
# In the rooms there is a [[Chris's Room|big closet]] and a desk.
# In the rooms there is a small nightstand.
# In the rooms there is a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|big commode]] and [it should say "with"] four drawers.
# In the rooms there are two chairs, a coffee table, a comfy loveseat and a couch.
# In the rooms there are paintings made by the best artists: DeVinci (sic), Michalanglo (sic) and [[chris and his ego|C.W. Chandler.]]
# In the rooms there is a [[Axe|shower]], a toilet, a sink and a long [probably meant to say "large"] mirror.
# In the rooms there is a heavy[?] television set.
# In the rooms there is a video game system: Sega Dreamcast with some video games; very modern.
# In the rooms there is a formal shelf.

===IV Our employees and client's activities:===

# Our client, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic the Hedge Hog]] [sic] plays [misspelled; should've used "toca" instead] the [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] for the pretty girls near the pool.
# Our client, [[women's rights|Amy goes shopping in the department stores near the hotel.]]
# Our employee, Jose makes the foods in the kitchen.
# Mrs. [[Duck|Cox]] plays the video game, Hydro Thunder with his small son, Christian Cox.
# Mr. Cox plays [misspelled here as "juegue"] tennis in the park which is far from away from the hotel.
# Each night, Mr. [[Red Skelton]] says lots of funny jokes in our restaurant.
# I make my Pokémon website, RWC's Pokésite 2!
# Knuckles climbs the hotel's wall.
# Tails raises the Chaoes in the Chao garden [translated as Chao's garden by Chris, as if Chao was an actual person].
# The employee, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]] washes the towels, clothes and the hotel's curtains.
# The employee, [[Kellie Andes|Kellie]] fixes the rooms' furniture.
# My [[Barbara|mother]] argues with my [[Robert|father]] when they are [[Chris and Anger|angry]].
# The Chaoes swim in the garden's lake.
# Christian Cox is mad if he didn't sleep well.
# Sonic and I play the video game, Sonic Adventure; [[fail|Sonic has more points than me]].

===V The President of the Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

Hello! My name is Ricardo. I am 18 years old. I am tall and [[obesity|slim]]. I have brown hair, [[heterochromia|one blue eye and one green eye]]. I am [[honest content|honest]]; [[lies|I, like to tell the truth. I am smart; I know maths, Spanish, photography and the computer. I am fun]]; I play some video games and the Pokémon card game. [[chris and art|I am an artist; I like to make a lot of art]]. Have a nice day.

[[Category:Prose]]

Hotel Ricky Ricardo

2010-02-03T04:08:32Z

Cthulhu: /* III In our rooms there are...: */

[[Image:HotelRickyRicardo.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression. Those who try to check out end up like the guy by the road. ''You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave...'']]
[[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]] (also translated as '''Hotel Richy Ricardo''') is a Spanish class assignment in which [[Chris]] describes a hotel as he would run it. It was discovered in the site archives released by [[Clyde Cash]] in [[October 2009]]. The whole thing is a bizarre combination of Chris's horrible version of Spanish (requiring liberal insertions of [sic]), combined with the relatively innocent naiveté of a seemingly normal childhood, as demonstrated by choosing to inhabit his fictional hotel with children's video game characters. This sort of thing is common amongst children as old as 8, which should really tell you something about Chris's mental maturity, as he wrote this when he was "barely" 18 years old.

Chris also includes himself when listing activities for employees and clients (although he doesn't always clarify which is which) as well as some other people he knows. Amongst the other, mundane activities such as Chris playing videogames with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], or [[Rosechu|Amy Rose]] going shopping is one strangely poignant mention of Chris's [[Barbara|mother]] getting angry and yelling at his [[Robert|father]].

Of note, Chris places himself in the category of [[List of Chris's lies|"great artists"]], alongside Michelangelo and DaVinci. [[Chris and art|You keep telling yourself that, Chris]].

==Original text==

:[[Ricardo]] W. Chandler.
:12/3/Y2K Español II, 7.
:Hotel Richy Ricardo Rough Draft:

===I. La Guia Michelin:===

:Richy Ricardo, pl Estación, 4692, 634 92 10,
:Telex 83392-

Com 2100, 200 hab, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Descripción del Hotel:===

El hotel, Richy Ricardo, es un hotel de gran confort. Tiene un restaurante y está en la Plaza Estación. El número de teléfono es 634 92 10. Tiene un ascensor, una piscina y un garaje. En las habitaciones, hay un televisor, aire acondicionado, y un sistema de los juegos de videos, Sega Dreamcast. Y con el Dreamcast hay muchos juegos de videos y acceso al internet. Puede comprar o alquilar un Jump Pack o un VMU para el Dreamcast en el recepción. Hay un teléfono a las habitaciones. En este hotel hay 200 habitaciones. Una habitación cuesta entre 15.500 y 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 y 2,100 dolares americanos). El desayuno está incluido en el precio de la habitación. Aceptan tres tarjetas de crédito: American Express, Visa y Discovery. También aceptan unos cheques de viajero.

===III En Nuestras Habitaciones Hay...:===

# En las habitaciones hay una cama matrimonial y dos camas sencillas.
# En las habitaciones hay un clóset grande y un escritorio.
# En las habitaciones hay una mesita de noche pequeña.
# En las habitaciones hay una cómoda grande y cuatro cajones.
# En las habitaciones hay dos sillas, una mesita de café, un sillón comodo y un sofá.
# En las habitaciones hay unos cuadros do los artistas buenos: DeVinci, Michalanglo y C.W. Chandler.
# En las habitaciones hay una ducha, un W.C., un lavabo y un espejo largo.
# En las habitaciones hay un televisor pesado.
# En las habitaciones hay una sistema de los juegos do videos: Sega Dreamcast con unos juegos de videos; muy moderno.
# En las habitaciones hay un estante formal.

===IV Las Actividades de nuestros Empleados y nuestros Clientes del Hotel:===

# Nuestro cliente, Sonic el Puerco Espino juege a la guitarra para las chicas bonitas cerca de la piscina.
# Nuestro cliente, Amy Rose va de compras en las tiendas de departamento cerca del hotel.
# Nuestro emplejado, Jose hace las comidas en la cocina.
# La Sra. Cox juege al juego de video, Hydro Thunder con su hijo pequeño, Christian Cox.
# El Sr. Cox juege al tenis en el parque que está lejos del hotel.
# Cada noche, Sr. [[Red Skelton]] dice muchos chistes comicos en nuestro restraunte.
# Yo hago mi website de Pokémon, El PokéSite de RWC 2!
# Knuckles sube el muro del hotel.
# Tails cria los chaoes en el jardín del Chao.
# La empleada, Tiffany lava las toallas, las ropas y las cortinas del hotel.
# La empleada, Kellie arregla los muebles en las habitaciones.
# Mi madre discute con mi padre cuándo están enojados.
# Los chaoes nadan en el lago del jardín.
# Christian Cox está enojado si no durmió bien.
# Sonic y yo jugamos al juego de video, Sonic Adventure; Sonic tiene mas puntos que mi.

===V El Presidente del Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

¡Hola! Me llamo Ricardo. Yo tengo 18 años. Soy alto y delgado. Tengo el pelo pardo, un ojo azul y un ojo verde. Soy honesto; a mi, me gusta decir la verdad. Soy inteligente; yo sé las matemáticas, Español, fotografía y la computadora. Soy divertido; yo juego unos juegos de videos y el juego de las tarjetas de Pokémon. Soy un artista; me gusta hacer mucho arte. Tenga un buen día.

==Translation==

===I. The Michelin Guide:===

Richy Ricardo, Station pl, 4692, 634 92 10,
Telex 83392-

Com 2100 200 rooms, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

===II Hotel Description:===

This hotel, [[I Love Lucy|Richy Ricardo]], is a hotel of great comfort. It has a restaurant which is in the [[Station Square|Station Plaza]]. The telephone number is 634 92 10. It has an elevator, a pool and a [[Son-chu|garage]]. In the rooms, there is a television set, air conditioning, and a video game system, Sega Dreamcast. And for the Dreamcast there are many games and Internet access. You can buy or rent a Jump Pack or a VMU for the dreamcast at the lobby. There is a telephone in each room. In this hotel there are 200 rooms. A room costs between [[Chris and money|15.500 and 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 and 2,100 american dollars)]]. Breakfast is included with the room price. They accept three credit cards: American Express, Visa and Discovery. They also accept some traveler checks.

===III In our rooms there are...:===

# In the rooms there is a [[Fuck Quest|double sized bed]] and two single beds.
# In the rooms there is a [[Chris's Room|big closet]] and a desk.
# In the rooms there is a small nightstand.
# In the rooms there is a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|big commode]] and [it should say "with"] four drawers.
# In the rooms there are two chairs, a coffee table, a comfy loveseat and a couch.
# In the rooms there are paintings made by the best artists: DeVinci (sic), Michalanglo (sic) and [[chris and his ego|C.W. Chandler.]]
# In the rooms there is a [[Axe|shower]], a toilet, a sink and a long [probably meant to say "large"] mirror.
# In the rooms there is a heavy[?] television set.
# In the rooms there is a video game system: Sega Dreamcast with some video games; very modern.
# In the rooms there is a formal shelf.

===IV Our employees and client's activities:===

# Our client, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic the Hedge Hog]] [sic] plays [misspelled; should've used "toca" instead] the [[Gitar of Fail|guitar]] for the pretty girls near the pool.
# Our client, Amy Rose goes shopping in the department stores near the hotel.
# Our employee, Jose makes the foods in the kitchen.
# Mrs. [[Duck|Cox]] plays the video game, Hydro Thunder with his small son, Christian Cox.
# Mr. Cox plays [misspelled here as "juegue"] tennis in the park which is far from away from the hotel.
# Each night, Mr. [[Red Skelton]] says lots of funny jokes in our restaurant.
# I make my Pokémon website, RWC's Pokésite 2!
# Knuckles climbs the hotel's wall.
# Tails raises the Chaoes in the Chao garden [translated as Chao's garden by Chris, as if Chao was an actual person].
# The employee, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]] washes the towels, clothes and the hotel's curtains.
# The employee, [[Kellie Andes|Kellie]] fixes the rooms' furniture.
# My [[Barbara|mother]] argues with my [[Robert|father]] when they are [[Chris and Anger|angry]].
# The Chaoes swim in the garden's lake.
# Christian Cox is mad if he didn't sleep well.
# Sonic and I play the video game, Sonic Adventure; [[fail|Sonic has more points than me]].

===V The President of the Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.===

Hello! My name is Ricardo. I am 18 years old. I am tall and [[obesity|slim]]. I have brown hair, [[heterochromia|one blue eye and one green eye]]. I am [[honest content|honest]]; [[lies|I, like to tell the truth. I am smart; I know maths, Spanish, photography and the computer. I am fun]]; I play some video games and the Pokémon card game. [[chris and art|I am an artist; I like to make a lot of art]]. Have a nice day.

[[Category:Prose]]

Mailbag 45

2010-01-26T01:12:43Z

Cthulhu: /* Burger time */

__NOTOC__'''Mailbag 45''' was uploaded to the [[CWCipedia]] on 22 [[January 2010]]. [[Chris]] had been relatively diligent about updating his incredibly ugly website, and it was expected that he would get to it that evening. Instead he took an as-of-yet unexplained 3 day hiatus.

He finally began answering it on 25 January 2010, only to answer less than half of the letters before leaving to do something with his family. Highlights so far include Chris comparing himself to legendary cartoonists, another saga in the increasingly bizarre "whores for my son" series of letters, and telling us to get over ourselves in relation to him constantly showing us [[Rosechu|Rosechu's]] ass.

==Answered==
===Charlie Brown===
{{Email|From: [[Vivian Gee|Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>

Seriously. Fans from 10 years ago have grown up. Maybe you should too.}}
{{EmailReply|"Peanuts" fans still enjoy Charles Schultz's work and praise him although he has been dead for almost ten years now.}}

===Not that that means anything===
{{Email|From: [[Duck|Mike Hawke]] <fail2comply@live.co.uk>

Hey Chris,

Would you sell all of your games and toys, if it will guarantee you'll get a girlfriend?}}
{{EmailReply|It is being considered.}}

===Adventures with whores===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] <mikejackson113@hotmail.com>

Chris,

I need you now more than ever. I need you to do a shoutout in your video for my son Mike Junior. He has run away with the prostitute that I hired for him a week ago. He'd told my wife and I that it was a love match, but we didn't believe him. Now they are on the run to Vegas where they are going to get married- my son has a fake ID and is going to use that to pretend that he's 18. Can you ask him to come home? We promise that we won't run his girlfriend away as long as he comes back.

Also, my wife is concerned about the language you are using to the writers of Asperchu. She says that it is way too harsh for our children and because the kids are already so upset, she has made me stop reading your comics to our children.

Sincerely,

Mike

P.S.- MIKE JUNIOR COME HOME! ALL IS FORGIVEN!}}

{{EmailReply|I will make a video later today. --ChrisChanSonichu 21:22, 25 January 2010 (CET)}}

===[[Lie|Truth!]]===
{{Email|From: [http://www.youtube.com/user/billymc Billy MC] <billymcbigmac@gmail.com>

Hello Chris,

I am a big fan of you and Sonichu. I am writing to ask you if you ever worry about the Hamburglar stealing your McDonald's food. My mother takes me to McDonald's quite a lot and whenever I am there I am always sure to look around for the Hamburglar because you never know where he might be lurking, waiting to snatch away your Big Mac and fries! Speaking of McDonald's, you and the Grimace share many similarities. I believe he might be High-Functioning Autistic too!

Love,

Billy MC}}
{{EmailReply|How old do you think I am? [[Lie|I am not an immature child]]; I am 27 years old. --ChrisChanSonichu 21:22, 25 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Chris' hormones + Rosechu's ass = Fan service===
{{Email|From: Faye Dexter <ecksdeexter@gmail.com>

Dear Chris, most of your fans that are still reading are ADULTS and we demand to be treated as such! You lost most of your underage fans with the sex storylines(even censored, most parents don't let that kind of thing fly) so I suggest that there be more MATURE storylines with gore and violence. Games rated M usually have gore in them and those are rated M for MATURE. TV-MA is for MATURE AUDIENCES and usually has gore and violence. So could you include those in the comic so your adult audience doesn't feel like they're reading a baby comic for babies?}}
{{EmailReply|I am not a gorey artist; just accept the Fan Service of panty-shots and get over yourselves. --ChrisChanSonichu 21:22, 25 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Later bitches===
{{EmailReply|**I will resume later; I have to go out with my family for a short while. --ChrisChanSonichu 21:22, 25 January 2010 (CET)}}

==Awaiting Answers==
{{Email|From: Andrew Rinker <ffa_chewster@yahoo.com>

I'm just wondering why you were so rude in your response to the [[Mailbag 43#Go Fuck Yourself, too!|final question in mailbag 43]] (from Keith Keithson). All he did was present an in depth, well thought out argument. Is that how you respond to any argument you do not agree with? Wouldn't it be better to actually attempt to refute his claims? All you are doing with your response is showing that you have no evidence to refute his claims, and are therefore conceding that they are, in fact, the truth. No disrespect intended, I'm just curious why you don't simply take the time to present your own counterpoints to his, rather than just telling him to "go fuck yourself". That's very rude, and only serves to portray you in a negative light.}}

{{Email|From: Bernardo Garcia <garciscinq@gmail.com>

So let me get this straight, you are saying people who don't like your comic series are mentally underdeveloped and have poor taste?}}

{{Email|From: Trap Master

Dear Chris

You've said you don't want to remove Simonla from the comics because it would be taking away Wild's girlfriend. It's wrong to put Wild's, a FICTIONAL character, feelings ahead of a real person. Leaving Simonla in your comics is hurting Evan, stop being a monster and do the right thing.}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Manfred Eicher|Manfred Eicher]] <m.eicher@gmail.com>

Hey Chris,

I am a volunteer with the German Red Cross and I am currently in Haiti helping to bring people's lives back to normal. It's grueling work. It's hot and some people still can't get clean water and food. Although your poster is nice, it won't get things done here. If you really want to help, it often makes a big difference when celebrities donate large sums of money which they encourage people to match. You may have already done this and if you have, you should announce it. Alternatively, if you were to volunteer to come to Haiti and put some elbow grease into the project, it might encourage others to do the same. It would go a lot further than a poster and we would really appreciate the help.

Best regards,
Manfred}}

{{Email|From: Brianna Ricaud <bricaud75@gmail.com>

Chris, in your reply to my mail you claimed that you always censor adult stuff from your comics and that images were "tricked from you".

Let me remind you that it was YOU that took those pictures. It was YOU that drew a [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|NASTY, PORNOGRAPHIC picture]] of you MOLESTING your best friend [[Megan]]. No one forced you.

You have proved that you're a liar and a hypocrite and you have lost another fan. Alec has never lied and he doesn't do cowardly things and then deny them.

Good riddance,

Brianna}}

{{Email|From: Cpt. Wyvern <masterwyvern@googlemail.com>

Why do you always criticise the Asperchu comics for being poorly drawn? [[Chris and art|Your art style isn't too great too, y'know]], you don't have much room to criticise others.}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]] <gilsemailaddy@yahoo.com>

As a fan of your comic, recently I've been feeling insulted by the things you've been saying to us. In your mailbags, you've been calling us hypocrites and mentally devolved, and you've been slashing and ignoring a lot of good questions from your mailbags for no reason. This is no way to be treating your fans. You seem to want us to worship you like you're God or something, and you seem to not be able to maturely handle criticism.

I noticed that other comic artists will actually answer the letters they get. I know you don't like that Leary guy, but at least he answers emails and treats his fans with respect. I hope you do the same before you lose all of your fans.

--Gil}}

{{Email|From: adamsavage@discovery.com

Hey Chris its Adam Savage from Myth Busters here! Yes THE Adam Savage! I love your comics and I saw your most recent video telling that damn Asperchu Parody off and how you want them to suck your balls while you stick your middle finger so far up their ass! Righteous man!

I got to thinking about it… And hey you know… I’m am open guy and I say we should try and bust some myths together. Perhaps we could start with the myth about you being homosexual! I’m pretty sure I know the results! I know some great ways we can test it too! You, Jamie, and myself can get together and have a wild night busting that myth wide open so EVERYONE will finally know the truth!

I’ve included a picture of myself doing some very special poses for you and Sonichu so you know its REALLY ME! I hope you like the picture I was thinking of you and your comic series when I took it.

http://bayimg.com/BAjodaaCN ''[Note: the image is of some neckbeard's asshole. --ed]''

Sincerely yours,

-Adam
P.S. What was your favorite episode on myth busters? Mine has to be the one where we launched the liquid nitrogen frozen butterball turkeys.}}

==Gone Forever==
===Baby Chrissie===
[[Image:FuckingHardcore.JPG|thumb|Fuck yea Asperchu.]]
{{Email|From: darkestfor@asia.com

I'm writing because, after seeing the [[Asperchu]] "hardcore" ad, I have decided to give up your baby comic for Alec's mature book. Have fun coloring within the lines, Baby Chrissie. Don't [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] your [[Butt garments|diapers]] too much.}}

===At one point we all had this reaction===
{{Email|From: Harold Man

Dear Chris,

I used to be a big fan of Sonichu for a long time because it seemed to have very subversive themes. You drew in a manner that seemed intentionally bad. Like you were parodying Republican views. But you're serious? That's amazing. No one would like your comic if you were actually being serious. I just told my friends that you're serious and we're are laughing our asses off. You're so naive.

You're really serious. Like, the biggest Sonichu fan forum is full of threads about how hilarious your work is and how they'd write comic book companies to carry your work. Just wait 'til word gets out that you're serious. That you aren't kidding when you say Sonichu is straight. Everyone will leave.

[[Trolls|Your audience]] now is all college students who think you're being ironic and funny. Little kids aren't interested. Believe me, I tried to show my brother. He told me to get the crap out of his face because he was playing [[Hex Bawx|X-Box]]. Kids don't care about cartoons anymore. The only people who read it, read it because it has undertones of homosexuality.

Seriously, I think you misunderstand why Asperchu is popular. Now, its drawing is average, but what hooks readers is the underlying themes. Because of your autism, you don't get it. It's like a big secret joke that you don't see. Maybe you should ask a non-autistic friend to explain it to you. That is, if you care about your fans. They'll all leave and you won't know why.

You're saying Alec shot himself in the foot. Pfft, he made the smarter move by going more adult and serious. He knows his fanbase. Apparently you don't know yours.

I know you won't reply to this because you're a coward.

~ A former fan}}

===Caught in a lie? Just delete the evidence===
[[Image:Issue0Page3.jpg|thumb|Caught in a lie. Again.]]
{{Email|From: levelledcompany@bikerider.com

I saw your "TheTailofRosechu.jpg" image and thought, "Hey, that's not what I remember." Then I looked back at the comics, and sure enough, the Raichu's tail is pointed and sharp, like that of a male's. What gives? Why lie to your fans like this?

You can't just lie to your fans, and you can't just keep going back and changing stuff in your comics. I hated how you changed the "My love quest is finally over" page almost as much as I hate being lied to by a big fat liar like you. It's stuff like this, all the lies and retcons, that make me feel like I should stop reading the comic.

If you want to make things right, apologize, admit your mistake, promise to never make the same mistake again, and (this is the most important part) NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Stop lying, even "small" lies, and quit changing your old stuff.}}
''The writer of this letter is referring to the image found [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|here]].''

===Obviously not===
{{Email|From: Hamsty the Hamster <hamstythehamster@gmail.com> Who gives a shit if you have some lesbian named Heather if YOU ALREADY CURED ALL THE HOMOSEXUALS IN CWCVILLE?!?!?!?!?!? Do you even keep track of your plot anymore?}}

===Sweet Alec and Hella Evan===
[[Image:Sweet alec & hella evan.jpg|thumb|50px|I love you man, no homo.]]
{{Email|From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>
Alec and I DO NOT FEAR YOU. This comic symbolizes our unity Against You.
http://i48.tinypic.com/zv90s7.jpg}}

{{Mailbag}}

Mailbag 43

2010-01-21T22:46:18Z

Cthulhu: /* Chris still hates Asperchu */

__NOTOC__'''Mailbag 43''' was uploaded onto the [[CWCipedia]] on 19 January 2009. This is the first official Mailbag following Chris's decree of no Asperchu letters.

Amongst this set of letters, we get another answer as to why Chris hates Asperchu, explains why he turned Asperchu into Mitch Sonichu, tries to defend his blatant Christian overtones, and tells [[Evan]] that he will make Simonchu ''leave'' him! He also tells a letter writer who calls him out on his Asperchu manifesto to go fuck himself and removes another letter that calls him out on his Christian overtones, especially how he made Ultra Sonichu into Jesus.

==Answered Letters==
==="Good Quality Hand-Drawn Work"===
{{Email|From: Apple Pie <effence@yahoo.ca>
Hi,

I find it strange that you think Asperchu is bad for swears and anti-religiousness when your favorite shows like South Park and Family Guy do the exact same thing. Please explain your logic.}}
{{EmailReply|It is because "Asperchu" is considered a parody to My Sonichu and Myself, and to have the comparisons between the two, it is a kick in the bells to have My Good Quality Hand-Drawn Work compared to such Gross Low-Class, Low-Resolution, Blocky-Style stuff like "Asperchu". And from that, I BLAME the artist, Alec Benson Leary, to force the characters into such shameful and distasteful acts. I do not blame the characters, because it is NOT Their fault that their "Director" directs them to do those things.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 07:16, 21 January 2010 (CET)}}

===In which Chris defends Ultra Sonichus OPness===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Masaki Sumitani|Masaki Sumitani]] <Hadogei@gmail.com>

Hey, I hope you don't count this as an "Asperchu" question and delete this because it's not:

Some questions about the new pages: 1.) If Ultra Sonichu's powers include curing Asperger's Syndrome, why don't you tell Ultra Sonichu to cure your autism? 2.) Why do you say that Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu needs a makeover, and that his glasses are terrible, when the outfit he was wearing is the same as one you own, and his glasses look like your glasses? 3.) Is Ultra Sonichu supposed to be a Christ-like figure? Isn't this kind of blasphemous since Sonichu is a Christian?

Thanks for answering!

Masaki Sumitani}}
{{EmailReply|1) It is a cartoon; it is not like I can summon him into Real Life and use the Chaotic Crystal Power to cure my Mental Block for Real. 2) If you were in Asperchu's situation where you were constantly drawn to LOOK and ACT retarded all the time, would you not want a Makeover to make you more confident, intelligent and such? 3) A Christian Individual, or ANYONE for that matter, has the capability to do such things in acts of generosity; it Does Not necessarily make that individual THE Jesus Christ. The Sonichus and Rosechus Considered Mine, the Original Sonichu, a Savior, because from the later-named Swift Sonichu, he had Foretold of the True Original coming to their Rescue and Aid. If you were rescued from a life-threatening situation, quick-as-a-flash, by someone, would you not consider that person A Savior or Hero? There is nothing "blasphemous" about the generous deed and act.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 07:16, 21 January 2010 (CET)}}

===We can watch it ourselves, thanks.===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:List of recurring Monty Python's Flying Circus characters|Ken Shabby]] <spamspamspam@aol.com>

Dear Chris: What Monty Python sketch is your favorite? Mine is Eric Idle's "Storytime" sketch, which can be seen here:

http://tinyurl.com/ylmgwu4

I find it hilarious because I can't imagine what kind of sick pervert would put that kind of stuff in something intended for children.}}
{{EmailReply|I like the Parrot Sketch. "Look, Matey. This Parrot wouldn't VOOM if I put 4,000 volts through it. It's bleeding demised. It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more; it has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. It is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If he hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an Ex-Parrot. '''You have to complain until you're blue in the mouth to get your way around here'''."}}

===Surrrrrrrrrre...===
{{Email|From: Lars Underwood <kneelbeforelarsunderwood@aol.com>

Chris,

In the Sonichu comics you've drawn your Sonichus and Rosechus praying to you. Do the other citizens of CWCville pray to you, too? The reason I ask is that I'm trying to start a cult, and was wondering how you got people to see you as an all-powerful, Godlike figure. So far my cult is only my girlfriend and a couple of other kids at my high school, but I think that's pretty good for a senior. Any advice for a fellow cult leader?

Lars Underwood}}
{{EmailReply|You are mistaken, I have never drawn my Sonichus and Rosechus praying to ME; they pray to God and Jesus like everyone else. I do not care much for Cults, because they often lead towards a life-threatening situation often.}}

===Chris still hates the gays===
{{Email|From: David Price <dprice22@gmail.com>

Dear Christian,

I apologise for the earlier e-mail in which I enquired about Asperchu and completely overlooked your own talents.

Your recent comic pages, in which you provided a makeover for Asperchu to give him a new look as "Mitch Sonichu", has proved to me that you have your own unique skills and qualities. This makes you perfect for television! We're starting up a remake of a classic TV show in which young, style-setting gentlemen such as yourself give fashion pointers to volunteers.

If you would like to be on the lineup of the brand new, remade "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", please get in touch with me.}}
{{EmailReply|I heard that was a gay show, and I am Straight, so no thank you.}}

===Chris defends the makeovers===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:R. Dorothy Wayneright|Dot Wayneright]] <neg0t8r@paragoncity.net>

Greetings!

From your latest comic, I see you have cured Asperchu and ''Alec's (Unapproved) Recreation of your'' Chaotic Combo. I noticed that many of your characters were not happy with their names and role. It's a bold step for a writer to change ''someone else's'' characters around like that. ''However, I was surprised to see that not only did Bubbles Rosechu forget about Blake when her name changed to Kitty, but she also claims "she'd hit that," which implies she had a pickle! Has Bubbles always been a hermaphrodite or was this only since your Chaotic Remedy on her?''

Regards,
Dorothy Wayneright}}
''Chris added the first two italicized portions, and deleted the third one from the original letter.''
{{EmailReply|What I have done was only done to Alec's "version" of MY Electric-Hedgehogs; The Original Sonichus and Rosechus are STILL the way they are. Kitty was referring to that the madeover Asperchu, now Mitch Sonichu, looked very handsome.}}

===...Well, this is disturbing!===
{{Email|From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>
Why do you think that putting in "evan.ip" in a computer will block
me? That's not even an IP address, that's just my name and the letters
"IP". Furthermore, you do it in your COMIC, not in real life. Do you
think CWCville actually exists or something?

Also take Simonla out of your comic.

-Evan}}
{{EmailReply|No. As a matter of fact, [[Chris and reality|YOUR Simonchu came to Cwcville while I was holding a Town Meeting, came up to Simonla (Simonchu's Sister) while The True Wild Sonichu was with Her. Simonchu told Simonla that you wanted her back home as quickly as possible. Simonla REFUSED Heavily; She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as "Ecgville". (HOW IS THAT SO-CALLED CITY PRONOUNCED ANYWAY? It sounds like a very "Eckie" Ailment, possibly Cold-Like.) Simonchu uses force, yet Wild attacks him with his Razor Leaf and unleashed his grasp of her. Wild says, "The lady said that she does not want to return with you." Simonchu replies, "Listen, shock-breath, I'll quake you away in a rock's-throw." Wild says, "Well, before you can even throw a rock, I will have quick-as-a-flash Vine Whipped you, and launched you to fly back to your Villa of Eck." Wild launches his Vine Whip which was Super-Effective against Simonchu's Ground-Type body, and throws him back to that city in Minnesota.

Later, Simonchu reports to you that she refuses to return to you, and you realize that with MY G.D.C. Powers, you have to let it be and move on in peace in real life. I am the Great Director Chandler!]]

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 07:16, 21 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Go Fuck Yourself, too!===
{{Email|From: Keith Keithson <allisfine1@gmail.com>
Chris, here's my response to your BLATANT CENSORSHIP and DENIAL OF FREE SPEECH in Mailbag 41.

"1) Alec and his crew have No Right Whatsoever on MY original Sonichu/Rosechu Characters; I Never Ever Gave Him OR his crew ANY permission to use them At All."

Did Sega give you permission to use Sonic and Eggman? How about Nintendo? Did they let you use Giovanni or any Pokemon?

No. They didn't. The only way Sonichu can stay afloat is because it is a PARODY. And PARODIES do not need to ask permission.

"2) I never gave him permission to place ANY advertisements for his Low-Rate Work and Copycat Website; he bought Jack Thaddius out WRONGFULLY. I still Disapprove of his ads in any shape or form regardless of image content. "

You have no right to decide on this, the SysOp needs to keep the website up some how. And if it were not for her efforts, the website would have crashed by now.

I mean, she certainly cares about keeping the site up. You nearly got it destroyed when you stole from Coke and Fox.

"4) The Cwcipedia IS DESIGNED MAINLY FOR the Original Sonichus and Rosechus in and around Cwcville, Virginia; Alec and his blocky-drawn characters are in Minnesota, and therefore are NOT Associated Officially With Cwcipedia OR the world of Cwcville."

Blocky? Chris, perhaps you don't realize that half the time you can't keep the size of a character consistent. Body parts inflate and deflate at random and at one point a character went from square to spherical within the same page. Heck, people could write a book on your horrible drawings.

"5) At the time, I have done Comparison Drawing within the recent 12 pages I have drawn and uploaded between HIS drawing style and Mine. Obviously Mine is the Superior, because it is more pleasant to look at, and it was Hand-Drawn, versus Computer-Drawn which Alec and his crew have chosen for their media. Officially, I still have NO association with Alec at all, even after this short-time addition within the 10th Book."

Chris, you can't judge your drawing style and his because you're biased in your own favor.

I personally think Alec is a better artist. At least he always provides a goddamn background and doesn't textwall out of pure lazyness.

"7) From this day forward, Any and All future messages that DO NOT ADDRESS Sonichu, Rosechu, Cwcville, Myself (Christian Weston Chandler), or anything that is originated ONLY ON the Cwcipedia will be DELETED. ADDRESS ALL Asperchu inquires ONLY to Alec Benson Leary on HIS COPYCAT WEBSITE"

This relates to you, the comic, and how you can't draw. So yeah, if you delete this I'll know that you're lying out your ass. AGAIN.}}
{{EmailReply|You can go f*** yourself.}}

==Gone Forever==
===Chris will always be beautiful to someone===
{{Email|From: Mirko Calusic <sathael@hotmail.com>
Hi Chris! I have to say, even though Alec is a much better atist, I prefer your Sonichu over his Asperchu comic, because your comic supports the homosexual lifestyle. I understand that you've lost a bunch of fans, but I want you to know that the homosexual population will always support you. Heck, probably all the fans you have left are gay.

I have to admit, I find you very attractive. Often I've dreamt of your sweaty body pressing against mine. First I would suck your tiny cock and then I'd ram my manstaff up your butthole, all the while massaging your large soft breasts. Anyway, I thought you'd like to know about that.

I've drawn some fanart for you as well!

http://tinyurl.com/yftsew7}}

===The everlasting man===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Keith Chesterton|Gilbert Keith Chesterton]] <FaithfulMan@yahoo.com>

Dear Chris,

The creators of the award winning Evangelical Christian cartoon "Veggie Tales" were once interviewed about the nature of creating a Christian work of art with characters that were explicitly not human. Their response was actually very well-thought-out. They said that they took special time and effort to make sure that their adaptations of biblical stories emphasized what could be learned and applied to life though the passage, was nothing short of completely respectful to the book upon which they placed their faith, and was appropriate for very young children. They also spoke of their all-important rule #1:

'''Never''' would they depict Jesus as a vegetable.

It's not right, they said. Jesus is the son of God, the most important thing in our lives. The reason we're even doing this is to try and help others understand how important Jesus is. It doesn't matter that every other character is a plant byproduct, the setting and tone of the show are ultimately unimportant. Showing Jesus as anything less than what we believe him to be would be blasphemy.

And they're right! To put words in Jesus's mouth, to depict Jesus as he wasn't, to use his or God's holy name in vain, it's all blasphemy. Blasphemy's not like other sins like envy, lust, or wrath, it's wrong on two distinct levels. On one it's direct disrespect to your creator. One the other it hurts your credibility as a Christian. If a Christian blasphemes himself in public, or puts blasphemous things in the internet where everyone can see them, it becomes harder to take them seriously. If someone who's legitimately interested in accepting God into their life sees it, they'll likely think "I thought Christians were supposed to love God, but obviously it's all a lie, because someone who loved God wouldn't act that way."

Bearing all that in mind, why did you represent Jesus as an orange sonic the hedgehog?

Don't say you didn't. Issue 10, page 48. You even drew the tomb being cast open, just like when Jesus rose on the third day. "Hyper Sonichu" or whatever you call him appears with his arms spread (as though nailed to a crucifix) in a beam of light, while some sort of purple soldier kneels before him, in awe. For a few short pages, you had the gall to mock God, turning Jesus, a man without sin into a character that just a few pages ago toppled a building, killing hundreds. A character that spends all his time having sex with his wife or punching old women in the face.

I could understand an Atheist doing this as some sort of protest against Christian hypocrisy, but you claim to be a steadfast believer. So my question to you Chris is in what way could this possibly be considered a Christian piece of work, when you so blatantly mock God?

Sincerely,

G. Chesterson}}

{{Mailbag}}

Talk:Church audio

2010-01-14T04:01:04Z

Cthulhu: /* I'm doing this as fast as I can... */

Why the fuck did someone redirect this to the Bob Simmons article? We don't take fucking shortcuts around here, people - this is an audio with Chris, it's going to be transcripted in its entirety (well, sorta - it's not necessary to transcribe the entire church sermon, only as much as the parts Chris responds to and says "Yeah" and whatnot). Fuck if people are going to listen to the audio, this needs to be transcripted so people who do not want to listen to the whole thing can just read it.

Let's get to work. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:37, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

== The Audio ==

Soo... Where can I download the audio? There's no link in the actual article... :/ --[[User:NeoShadow|NeoShadow]] 12:55, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

== SAUCE ==

CTHULHU demands sauce

Sauce delivery:

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?iwldnjimezz Full church audio]
:*Improved, converted to MP3. http://www.mediafire.com/?jqmemaxmcw0 [[User:Qebafhzn|Qebafhzn]] 06:52, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

== I'm doing this as fast as I can... ==
For anyone else doing the transcription: USE THE WAV FILE. The MP3 is compressed so much that you can't understand half of it.

I'm uploading what I have now. There will be more to come. I'm only about 10 minutes in. --[[User:SaigonPickup|SaigonPickup]]
* You are a TRUE and HONEST hero. I don't have the balls to transcribe this. --[[User:Jewlay|Jewlay]] 00:31, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for transcribing this but Yellow text is SHIT to read on a white background. Yes, it's nice to differentiate but c'mon, I'd rather have it all black if it means I can actually read it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:10, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

This is soooooooooo long : /

I'll change up the text color for bob to black then, no big deal. To be honest, most of the length of this is due to the church service, which I will mostly be omitting. There's no reason for me to transcribe it.--[[User:SaigonPickup|SaigonPickup]]
*When the church sermon begins, you're welcome to omit that. Just include sentences where Chris says "Yeah" and stuff like that or when the trolls make comments and shit like that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:57, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

May god have mercy on your soul. --[[User:Cthulhu|Cthulhu]]

Talk:Church audio

2010-01-14T03:20:53Z

Cthulhu: /* I'm doing this as fast as I can... */

Talk:Church audio

2010-01-14T02:11:58Z

Cthulhu: /* I'm doing this as fast as I can... */

Christian Weston Chandler

2010-01-10T02:23:04Z

Cthulhu: /* Super Sonic winner */

''This article is about Christian Weston Chandler, the Internet's favorite autistic manchild. For Chris's fictionalized version of himself from the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For Chris's electric hedgehog alter ego, see [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. For [[Audiobooks|the time Chris temporarily gained weight and became stupid(er)]], see [[Sammy]]. For the <s>brown-striped impostor</s> real Christian Weston Chandler, see [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. For the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page Chris "Revised", see [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]''

{{Honest}}

[[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|left|Our hero.]]

[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]) is a perverse, [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[niggos|racist]], [[Chris and health|overweight]], [[Chris and fame|delusional]] "[[autism|high-functioning autistic]]" [[virgin with rage|virgin]] man-child, and creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[fail|brilliant]] crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit video game franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] white girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became Internet-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his laughably [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in public places while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him. Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
Much like the devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born "Christopher Weston Chandler," but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the bear conductor. In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan." Unusually Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler." He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

[[Image:Ano de freshman.png|thumb|right|229px|"Freshman anus" — a prime example of Chris's mastery of the Spanish language. Presumably, he meant to write "año de freshman"; "freshman year".]]

Chris took Spanish in high school and has since decided that his Spanish nickname is "Ricardo" — this is justified, as many high school classes will encourage the students to choose Spanish nicknames which may not always match the student's real name. Hence, when speaking or writing in Spanish he will refer to himself as "[[Ricardo Weston Chandler]]" or "RWC." At times he will literally announce himself as "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler," or variants thereof.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]).

==Overview==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}</center>

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|It's alright Chris, we already know since you annoy us to death about it.]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris_and_his_ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed—by [[Bob|his]] [[barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]]—to eternally live like a child, amassing toys and video games into a single bedroom in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Wendy's|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or hardly anyone, actually).

Chris is obsessed with his character Sonichu, to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February 2004 and March 2009, Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're trying to be tough negotiators.

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Chris and art|Chris cannot draw. At all.]] Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 23, when the hand-drawn [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of ''Sonichu'' was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the sexual maturity of a young adult male, and as a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this to such a degree that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. Surprisingly, this seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight. Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]] and [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]].

==Early life==

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]," was spoken at 6 weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties.

Allegedly, an [[abusive babysitter]] who was alone with Christopher every day for years;<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> locked him in a room<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He identifies the locking as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to attend [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that [[Wikipedia:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]] lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't seem to show any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl), because if a boy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.

In 1989, noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in 4th grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris believes he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], the latter being the cause for his homophobia. It’s possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris institutionalized. Chris was home-schooled through 5th grade during these proceedings. When the family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education under a different school system, starting with 6th grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" stare.
</gallery></center>

==Super Sonic winner==

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb||Evolution of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98' '99. Look at this creepy fuck, jesus]]

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his 12th birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree at Kay-Bee Toys as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not some elaborate troll.

This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris leveraging his autism for special treatment and his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of maturity. It has lead Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

{{clear}}

==Adolescence==

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that his "creative talents" were put to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7]], [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8P12.htm page 22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his crying was the fact he had to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress mentally or personally at all, and remains trapped in a childish, Year 2000 time-warp, as he believes that it's what helped him attract females. That his high-school gal pals have moved on and married real men with jobs is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's (non)award winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face." Apparently, he's never seen ''"Texas Chainsaw Massacre.''
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

{{clear}}

==[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]==

Chris's entry into community college probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began putting great emphasis on Sonichu, launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris was kicked out of PVCC for one year by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in 2004, although he eventually returned, obtaining an associate's degree in May 2006.

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', [[masturbation|masturbating]] and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

==[[Love Quest]]==

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his Love Quest. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February 2003. Possibly driven by his discovery that [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his Love Quest in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend… allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without approaching them or speaking to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique was to sit in one place (or pace back and forth) for hours, while holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various authority figures who believed he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with Mary Lee Walsh over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

{{clear}}

==''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''==
It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.

==[[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]==
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]], an unusual woman in that she was willing to talk to him for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to consider Chris's obvious romantic pursuits. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and animé, believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, with which he planned to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

{{clear}}

==Discovery by [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]==
Chris's rare talent was discovered when he posted an anonymous picture of [[Sonichu]] on [[4-cent garbage]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris’s name to discover the picture’s author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto ED in October, 2007. His life was never the same again.

Chris completely mishandled his reaction to ED, beginning a series of videos [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|demanding the removal of the article]] about him on the site. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris took credit and declared victory, guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. ED's abuse of Chris only moderately abated when the site's users began to fight amongst themselves about whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of [[CWCki]], which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2010}}

Chris continues to live at home with his parents, living off the $750 [[monthly tugboat]] he receives from the federal government for his autism. He has grown increasingly withdrawn, as trolls have tempted him with the slim hope that there is a vast Sonichu [[fan base]] full of pretty girls who want to have sex with him if he will only stick things up his ass and masturbate over the Internet.

==See also==

* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]], Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail]], a sampling of Chris's artistic masterworks
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]]
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], Chris's furry alter ego.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Church audio

2010-01-10T02:13:17Z

Cthulhu: /* download */

On 15 [[March 2009]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and an undercover [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] visit Chris's [[Chris and Religion|church]] and approach the [[Chris|manchild]] in the flesh unsuspectingly.

The audio recording of this event lasts 1:47:48. Throughout, Chris's voice is much louder than everyone else's.

Chris says he's keeping his distance from instant messages. He'd rather not talk about who hacked his Yahoo! account. [[Bob]] is there, but Chris reveals that [[Barbara]] usually stays home.

Chris excuses himself to leave Bob to talk to Robert for a few minutes. Bob talks about jerks on the internet, Chris's condition, and early video games. When Chris comes back, he realizes that it's [[fail|funny both Bob and Robert have the same name]].

Chris talks about Robert's trouble with finding a girlfriend. Chris has made the final decision to talk to local girls instead of ones on the internet. He's gotten encouragement from [[Rocky]] with ''[[How to Talk to Girls]]''. He talked to 7 girls just last Thursday at [[Alderman Library]], but got a fake number. Chris was emotionally prepared for the fake number from ''Seinfeld''. Bob mentions the [[Sonichu Girls]] club.

Chris rambles on about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and Stewie quoting the bible against [[homo]]sexuality. His copy of the bible with Leviticus is different from the church's because it was a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of the Korean church in Chesterfield County. Bob talks about North Korea.

After asking Robert for a pen, Chris makes his signature and hands it to Robert, saying it could be valuable one day.

They start reciting verses and singing hymns for many minutes. Chris gets to pick a verse for everyone to sing. Bob gets the second pick. Then other people pick. Chris wails over everyone else in some of them.

Afterward, Robert reunites with the other troll. They drive away contemplating on Leviticus and raping Emiry.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

== download ==

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?iwldnjimezz Full church audio]

(May God have mercy on your pitiful soul.)

User:Cthulhu

2010-01-10T02:10:57Z

Cthulhu:

{{quote|Cthulhu si a pretty cool elder god. eh devours us all in the end of times and doesn't afraid of anything|[[User:Champthom|Champthom]]}}

R'keh fk'btn pstjabol Cthulhu!
Shitty Bel-air INCOMING:

Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down,
I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'm gonna tell ya how I became the prince of Ry'leh
In interstellar space born and raised, destroying civilization is how I spent most of my days Chilaxin' relaxin'
maxin' all cool slaughtering some heathens outside the Sh'uool when yog-sothoth got near he said, "You're gonna
build a palace on that planet there." I unfolded my wings, if anything this opportunity was rare but I thought nah forget it
yo servants to that planet there. I landed on the planet about 7 or 8 I yelled to Yog-Sothoth yo homes smell ya later.
I looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of ry'leh

Name's cthulhu, you got a problem with that, i'll have sex with your sister, i've been trollin' all these nigga mortals since the dawn of humanity. You like tentacle rape porn? You're welcome.

Talk:Church audio

2010-01-10T01:45:47Z

Cthulhu: /* SAUCE */

Talk:Church audio

2010-01-09T23:39:27Z

Cthulhu: /* SAUSE */

Church audio

2010-01-09T23:34:24Z

Cthulhu: /* Transcript */

On 15 [[March 2009]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and an undercover [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] visit Chris's [[Chris and Religion|church]] and approach the [[Chris|manchild]] in the flesh unsuspectingly.

The audio recording of this event lasts 1:47:48. Throughout, Chris's voice is much louder than everyone else's.

Chris says he's keeping his distance from instant messages. He'd rather not talk about who hacked his Yahoo! account. [[Bob]] is there, but Chris reveals that [[Barbara]] usually stays home.

Chris excuses himself to leave Bob to talk to Robert for a few minutes. Bob talks about jerks on the internet, Chris's condition, and early video games. When Chris comes back, he realizes that it's funny both Bob and Robert have the same name.

Chris talks about Robert's trouble with finding a girlfriend. Chris has made the final decision to talk to local girls instead of ones on the internet. He's gotten encouragement from [[Rocky]] with ''[[How to Talk to Girls]]''. He talked to 7 girls just last Thursday at [[Alderman Library]], but got a fake number. Chris was emotionally prepared for the fake number from ''Seinfeld''. Bob mentions the [[Sonichu Girls]] club.

Chris rambles on about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and Stewie quoting the bible against [[homo]]sexuality. His copy of the bible with Leviticus is different from the church's because it was a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of the Korean church in Chesterfield County. Bob talks about North Korea.

After asking Robert for a pen, Chris makes his signature and hands it to Robert, saying it could be valuable one day.

They start reciting verses and singing hymns for many minutes. Chris gets to pick a verse for everyone to sing. Bob gets the second pick. Then other people pick. Chris wails over everyone else in some of them.

Afterward, Robert reunites with the other troll. They drive away contemplating on Leviticus and raping Emiry.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

[[Category:Trolling]]

== download ==

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?iwldnjimezz Full church audio]

Talk:Church audio

2010-01-09T23:32:03Z

Cthulhu: /* SAUSE */

2010-01-05T13:25:22Z

Cthulhu: We're fucked

R'keh fk'btn pstjabol Cthulhu!

Christian Weston Chandler...
Who is he? A madman? A fucking 4year-old? A Closet-faggot?

He is all of these things. As such his vibrations of pure lulzcow have slithered their way into the bowls of the dead city; Ry'leh where dead great Cthulhu waits dreaming. As such, he has a duty; as badass meme alien thingy to destroy all <s>Elder gods</s> <s>Shoggoths</s> <s>mortals</s>(Not yet, bwnahahahaha)... em, The ammount of pure fucking fail immanating from chris? yeah, that was it. Anyway, Blah, Blah, Blah, tl;dr if chris EVAR feels <s>pussy</s> china, great Cthulhu will have lost a bet to old-daddy yogg(ers) and will awake in a rage before the stars come into place; and royaly rape our assholes.

User:Cthulhu

2010-01-05T13:23:58Z

Cthulhu: Created page with 'R'keh fk'btn pstjabol Cthulhu! Christian Weston Chandler... Who is he? A madman? A fucking 4year-old? A Closet-faggot? He is all of these things. As such his vibrations of pure…'

R'keh fk'btn pstjabol Cthulhu!

Christian Weston Chandler...
Who is he? A madman? A fucking 4year-old? A Closet-faggot?

He is all of these things. As such his vibrations of pure lulzcow have slithered their way into the bowls of the dead city; Ry'leh where dead great Cthulhu waits dreaming. As such, he has a duty; as badass meme alien thingy to destroy all <s>Elder gods</s> <s>Shoggoths</s> <s>mortals</s>(Not yet, bwnahahahaha)... em, The ammount of pure fucking fail immanating from chris? yeah, that was it. Anyway, Blah, Blah, Blah, tl;dr if chris EVAR feels <s>pussy</s> china, great Cthulhu will have lost a bet to old-daddy yogg(ers) and will awake in a rage before the stars come into place; and royaly rape our assholes.

[[File:C:\Users\Public\cthulhu2.gif]]