CWCki - User contributions [en]

2014 house fire

2014-01-11T20:13:05Z

Curseyehameha: /* Order of Events */

{{Quote| FIRE! 2:00 AM. 911 arrived ten minutes later. Did everything they could; started downstairs; bathroom; electrical; made it to the roof. Considering EVERYTHING, but my mom, both dogs, me, and Lucy and my iPhone, shoes, clothes, whatnot on our backs made it out... Considered physically lost.|Chris, January 10 2014}}

On January 10, 2014, Chris claimed via Facebook that his house was destroyed by a fire. This was confirmed later that day when a local TV news broadcast gave a brief report on the incident.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fire at 14 Branchland Court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qkYnMRh26Oo}}
}}

==Order of Events==
As information about the blaze is still sketchy, this chronology is a speculation of the order of events based on what knowledge is known about the fire:

- 2:00am: The fire begins. A local news station reporting on the blaze states the fire began around 3:00am. [[Honor roll|Chris was operating a coffee brewer in the bathroom at the time when sparks erupted from the power socket.]]

- 2:00-2:10am: Chris evacuates the household, along with Barbara and the Chandler pets. Somewhere at this point, emergency services are called. However, it seems unlikely that this was all done within the 10 minute window from when the fire supposedly started and when the fire department arrived, especially considering how cluttered the house is. It's more likely that the fire started slightly earlier than 2:00am, and that time was when Chris called emergency services.

- 2:10am: Local fire fighters arrive at the scene. It is as of yet unknown how long it took to put the blaze out, but since it was still dark by the time the news crew arrived to report on the fire (which had already been put out), it was still dark outside. Therefore, we can assume it took no more than 2 or 3 hours to extinguish the blaze.

- 5:22am: Chris first breaks the news about the house fire. He commented twice on the post in quick succession, lamenting the loss of personal belongings and the memories of his home, as well as stating he was able to salvage his mother's medication and his wallet. At the time of the posting, he was boarding with a generous neighbour.

- 7:10am: Chris posted an angry comment on the Keurig Facebook page, producer of the coffee brewer, blaming faulty wiring in the product for creating the spark that created the fire. Chris then admitted to operating the coffee brewer within the bathroom after responding to a comment from his friend William Elliott Waterman, who vainly tried to calm Chris down and not seek vengeance so soon after the fire.

- ??: An email from Chris is released giving more information about the event. It is revealed that Chris and Barbara were allowed to enter the house and retrieve necessities for living from the house, and are currently receiving accommodation from their insurer while investigation and "repairs" are conducted. Of note is that Chris was able to retrieve his 3DS, which is still functional, giving hope to the possibility that his room may still be intact or undamaged by the blaze.

==Nature of the Blaze==
The cause of the fire is still being investigated.

According to Chris, the fire started in the downstairs bathroom, and was of an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|electrical]] nature; most likely due to faulty wiring or from the short-circuiting of some electrical device. Chris, soon after making the initial posts, left a comment on the Facebook page of Keurig Coffee and Brewers, blaming the coffee brewer's faulty wiring for having "sparked my power socket" and starting the blaze.

Why Chris was brewing coffee at 2am in his bathroom is not yet known, but it is likely due to his "biological clock" and the piles of junk cluttering his kitchen.

==Victims and Survivors==
Chris reports that he, his mother, his pet dogs and Lucy the Cat escaped the blaze unharmed. It is unknown as of yet what has happened to the remaining Chandler pets; whether they were deceased prior to the blaze, or whether they were tragically lost in the fire. Many of the cats spend much of their time outdoors and could be presumed to have survived if they were alive at the time of the fire.

According to the news report, one of the firefighters suffered minor, unspecified injuries while putting out the fire.

==Destruction of Property==
From what Chris has written so far, it can be assumed that the Chandler's escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to save his wallet, medication for his mother, as well as some clothes and shoes, as well as his iPhone. Since the fire, Chris has also been observed on Miiverse, suggesting that he also managed to save his 3DS at some point.

Until more information is released, we can assume that anything else in 14 Branchland Court is potentially lost either to the fire or to the water used to put it out.

==What This Means For Chris==
In an email, Chris claimed he and his mother are staying in a hotel until the house is repaired.

Chandler Cats

2014-01-11T07:17:34Z

Curseyehameha:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[June062010.MOV|Chris about molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

[[Chris]] and his family has had at least 5 known '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers own the cats, or whether the cats just got lost amid the piles of junk and were unable to find their way to the outside world.

==Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

The first of Chris's cats, Desi is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). Among [[CWCki]] editors and [[trolls]], Desi was, at first, often mixed up with Scampers.

Not much is known about Desi other than he's fucking huge, like the rest of Chris's family, and has only ever appeared in photographs or in the background of videos. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]].

Desi is not house trained and the Chandlers freely let their cat shit all over the kitchen, which Chris on several occasions has slipped on, notably during his [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|AIM chat]] with [[Vivian Gee]]. This lends further credence to the belief (along with [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]'s refusal to wash himself and the stench of Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]) that their family is incredibly unhygienic. Suffice to say, Chris vastly preferred his [[Patti|dog]] as a pet.

Based on an e-mail with [[Jackie]], Desi is presumed dead or missing in action.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref>
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''', or '''Scampers''', is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper is a black and white coated cat.

Very little info about her exists, except that, like Desi, she's not house-trained and shits everywhere. She showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]].

Scamper is MIA, possibly dead following the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014. She may have been outside at the time of the fire, but details are uncertain.

{{-}}

===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is the third cat of the Chandlers. (Note: [[Barbara]] is one of those crazy old women types that keeps lots of cats. On some level she probably sees Chris as an especially large and untidy cat.) Lucy is named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''.

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy is confirmed to be well and alive as of 2013 thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]].

Lucy is confirmed by Chris to have survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and Clover and Snoopy.

{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers, was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looks like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Nothing is known of Skittles, but given the name it has it can be assumed that it belongs to the Chandlers as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris, being the fat cunt that he is, probably named it after his favorite candy (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], s/he is presumed dead or missing in action.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

{{-}}

===Kitty===

[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5, the final cat (or at least the last cat of whom there are photos) of the CWC feline family. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really gives a shit about, evidenced by the fact that it is simply named "Kitty".

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of the [[Patti Chandler|Chandler Dog]].<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] also included a character named Kitty Rosechu, who was supposed to be Chris's take on the ''[[Asperchu]]'' version of [[Bubbles]].

Kitty is MIA, possibly dead following the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in January 2014. She may have been outside at the time of the fire, but details are uncertain.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]]
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Snorlax]]
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

14 Branchland Court

2014-01-11T07:06:49Z

Curseyehameha:

[[File:14bc1.jpg|thumb|The house in 2012.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|meAO487S0zM}}</center>
{{quote|No burglar would ever want anything in this house.|Chris, [[Mailbag 44#No burglar would steal Chris's stuff|Mailbag 44]]}}

'''14 Branchland Court''', [[Ruckersville, VA]] is the lair of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], his mother [[Barbara]], [[Christopher's name change|Christopher's ghost]], [[Clover and Snoopy]] and the surviving [[Chandler cats]]. It is a white (now faded to ivory) two-story house trimmed in pink (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], and with no major work done since [[1986]]<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref>, the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. His mother has threatened to kick him out of the house if he tries to throw away her worthless junk.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

In [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] to [[Rocky Shoemaker]], it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused [[Bob]] to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.

On 10 January 2014, Chris' house [[Destruction Of Chris' House|was destroyed]] following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy, and other possessions made it out safely, but the state of the inside of the house is (as of 11 January) considered unknown.

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February [[1982]]) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall [[1992]], Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in [[2000]] after Chris graduated [[high school]]. In [[100 2178|a video]] released in [[May 2010]], Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain".|Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}
In two videos uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of junk that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

===First floor===
[[File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|250px|Bob in the family room.]]
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the [[music]] room", which is primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

===Second floor===
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in April [[2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.
{{clear}}

===Yard===
The Chandlers' yard consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]]. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where [[Bob]] would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her [[Father Call|5-10 ton doghouse]] still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start his [[Love Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[February 2012]], the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|God knows what else]]. From the street one could barely stand the smell and only the bravest of Ruckersville's citizens dare to venture past.

In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwZKGe4BOSE a video], showing the front yard almost completely covered by an overgrown lawn, in addition to the above.

==The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo==

In 2013, a [[Tour_of_Chris's_House_II|video was leaked]] by [[Alec Benson Leary]] showing the state of Chris' home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say ''(especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012)'', the house has become even ''more'' of a mess since then. Whereas Chris had at least ''some'' room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess- the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the [[ShowerClean|last video Chris released of him cleaning it]] - and he even admits so himself in the video.

Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that ever so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.

In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris-Chan fashion]], he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.

When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is ''completely'' overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.

Given his commentary, it ''almost'' seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barbara Chandler|parents]] for being "hoarders" and [[Chris_and_remorse#Shifting_blame|totally shifting blame away from himself]], ''despite'' being the "man" of the house.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1.) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' (now that Bob kicked it, his mother's) mail on a regular basis, or 2.) Barbara will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that his parents have read some of the letters and ignored them).

==Visiting==
[[File:House-fail-bursting-at-the-seams.jpg|thumb|The eventual future of 14 Branchland Court.]]

Visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the "Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail", are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly mother to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==Gallery==
On 7 [[September 2013]], some pictures of the house were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
<center>
<gallery>
File:14BranchlandCourt1.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt2.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt3.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt4.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt5.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville]]
* [[Charlottesville]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]

==References==
<references />
{{Places}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

14 Branchland Court

2014-01-11T07:04:14Z

Curseyehameha:

[[File:14bc1.jpg|thumb|The house in 2012.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|meAO487S0zM}}</center>
{{quote|No burglar would ever want anything in this house.|Chris, [[Mailbag 44#No burglar would steal Chris's stuff|Mailbag 44]]}}

'''14 Branchland Court''', [[Ruckersville, VA]] is the lair of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], his mother [[Barbara]], [[Christopher's name change|Christopher's ghost]], [[Clover and Snoopy]] and the surviving [[Chandler cats]]. It is a white (now faded to ivory) two-story house trimmed in pink (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], and with no major work done since [[1986]]<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref>, the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. His mother has threatened to kick him out of the house if he tries to throw away her worthless junk.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

In [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] to [[Rocky Shoemaker]], it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused [[Bob]] to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.

On 10 January 2014, Chris' house [[Destruction of Chris' House|was destroyed]] following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy, and other possessions made it out safely, but the state of the inside of the house is (as of 11 January) considered unknown.

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February [[1982]]) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall [[1992]], Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in [[2000]] after Chris graduated [[high school]]. In [[100 2178|a video]] released in [[May 2010]], Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain".|Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}
In two videos uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of junk that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

===First floor===
[[File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|250px|Bob in the family room.]]
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the [[music]] room", which is primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

===Second floor===
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in April [[2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.
{{clear}}

===Yard===
The Chandlers' yard consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]]. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where [[Bob]] would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her [[Father Call|5-10 ton doghouse]] still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start his [[Love Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[February 2012]], the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|God knows what else]]. From the street one could barely stand the smell and only the bravest of Ruckersville's citizens dare to venture past.

In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwZKGe4BOSE a video], showing the front yard almost completely covered by an overgrown lawn, in addition to the above.

==The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo==

In 2013, a [[Tour_of_Chris's_House_II|video was leaked]] by [[Alec Benson Leary]] showing the state of Chris' home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say ''(especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012)'', the house has become even ''more'' of a mess since then. Whereas Chris had at least ''some'' room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess- the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the [[ShowerClean|last video Chris released of him cleaning it]] - and he even admits so himself in the video.

Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that ever so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.

In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris-Chan fashion]], he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.

When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is ''completely'' overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.

Given his commentary, it ''almost'' seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barbara Chandler|parents]] for being "hoarders" and [[Chris_and_remorse#Shifting_blame|totally shifting blame away from himself]], ''despite'' being the "man" of the house.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1.) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' (now that Bob kicked it, his mother's) mail on a regular basis, or 2.) Barbara will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that his parents have read some of the letters and ignored them).

==Visiting==
[[File:House-fail-bursting-at-the-seams.jpg|thumb|The eventual future of 14 Branchland Court.]]

Visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the "Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail", are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly mother to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==Gallery==
On 7 [[September 2013]], some pictures of the house were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
<center>
<gallery>
File:14BranchlandCourt1.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt2.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt3.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt4.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt5.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville]]
* [[Charlottesville]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]

==References==
<references />
{{Places}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

December 2013 Facebook posts

2014-01-03T07:26:45Z

Curseyehameha: /* Posts by Chris */

{{incomplete}}

The following are [[Facebook]] posts [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] posted in [[December 2013]].

==Summary==
* 5 December 2013 - Chris complains about how lonely he is again. He tags [[Gal pal#Sarah Anne Bevel|Sarah Bevel]] in this post.
* 30 December 2013 - Chris complains about his depression, his loneliness and the Internet. For some odd reason, he attaches a heavily cropped screenshot of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link to the post.

==Posts by Chris==
===Friends===

{{quotebox|5 December 2013<p> I have NO in-person friends Locally; my old friends don't want to be around me... I may as well as be dead for all they care!

[[File:chris_yamask.jpg|200px]]
[[File:chris_cubone.jpg|200px]]}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] posts a comment:
{{quoteboxgreen|I love cubone and yamask}}

=== Justine Sacco's sex dream ===
{{quotebox|23 December 2013
Hey! Justine Sacco Dreams of having Sex with an Autistic person (drunk or not; child or adult, it is all hidden desires for her conscious). So, EAT THAT, you immature brats and Immature Ex-High-School-Girl-Friends! :(P}}

'''NOTE:''' Justine Sacco was a PR executive for InterActive Corp, who made the news for an infamous tweet which read "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white!". CNN's story on Sacco also highlighted choice Tweets by Sacco before she deleted her account, among which was this Tweet, from [[Chris's birthday|February 24, 2012]]: "I had a sex dream about an autistic kid last night. #fml". Chris likely read the story, saw the Tweet, and not knowing that FML is an abbrevation for "fuck my life", proceeded to brag about it on Facebook.

=== Chris is lost ===
{{quotebox|30 December 2013
I know nothing. I am lost. My mind is a constant, zombie-like, blank. I am depressed. I am in misery. No one outside my house acknowledges me. There is no true care or love on the internet, or from anyone hiding behind their screens and monitors of any kind.

I know nothing. I am lost.

[[File:ChrisIsLost.png|200px]]}}

William replies with compassion:

{{quoteboxgreen|What's Zelda II have to do with it?}}

=== Worst Broken Heart Ever ===
{{quotebox|31 December 2013
Here's to another year in this dead-end life with the worst [[Heart level|broken heart]] ever.

[[File:WorstBrokenHeartEver.jpg|200px]]}}

William posted a reply to this post, unrelated to his heart level:

{{quoteboxgreen|Hey, after that moment, Fry got sent to the future where he got to work at an express company making deliveries to alien planets! You never know what's right around the corner.}}

{{Facebook}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

File:Chris cubone.jpg

2014-01-03T07:13:01Z

Curseyehameha: Chris' edit of Cubone's Pokemon card, as posted on his Facebook, December 5.

Chris' edit of Cubone's Pokemon card, as posted on his Facebook, December 5.

File:Chris yamask.jpg

2014-01-03T07:11:56Z

Curseyehameha: The Yamask card, as posted on Chris' Facebook, December 5.

The Yamask card, as posted on Chris' Facebook, December 5.

User:Curseyehameha

2014-01-03T06:58:49Z

Curseyehameha: Created page with "CWCstorian, 2010-since. Known as ianbrandonsomething on the forums. Always here to help somebody. This page needs a little more work on it."

CWCstorian, 2010-since. Known as ianbrandonsomething on the forums. Always here to help somebody. This page needs a little more work on it.