CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and electronics

2010-08-24T14:10:00Z

Cwcking: /* Type of computer and equipment */

{{deletion}}

The most important tool of Chris is his '''computer'''. His window to the world, Chris uses it to connect with his fans and to espouse his way of life. Needless to say, [[PSEye|just like everything else he has]], he ruins it in some way.

==Type of computer and equipment==

Currently, Chris uses an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion|HP Pavilion]] desktop computer,<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]</ref> situated in the kitchen at [[14 Branchland Court]]. The computer runs [[Wikipedia:Windows XP|Windows XP]].<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat 6]]</ref> It's equipped with a scanner and a printer (or perhaps a scanner/printer combo), allowing him to scan [[Sonichu (comic)|comic pages]] and print [[Chris and art|artwork]]. He also must have a broadband connection to the [[internet]], since he's been able to connect to Mumble voice chats. The computer has a version of Adobe Photoshop installed on it,{{cite}} which Chris primarily uses to [[Chris and writing|type in text bubbles in his comics]] or [[Rosechu|to alter the truth]].

To hear Chris tell it, his computer is on its last legs. In his conversations with [[Alec Benson Leary calls|Alec Benson Leary]], Chris complained that multiple power surges (resulting from blackouts in his area) have disabled his computer for days at a time, forcing him to restore it constantly. In mid-[[February 2010]], this was his excuse for failing to regularly upload new comic pages. When Alec reasonably asked him why he didn't just buy a new, more reliable computer, Chris claimed that [[monthly tugboat|he doesn't have the money]]. (A low-end replacement for his current machine, powerful enough for his purposes, would only cost a few hundred dollars, but apparently Chris [[video games|has better]] [[sex toys|things to buy]].)

Despite taking a course in computer construction,<ref>[[Father_Call#Prophetic_dreams_and_Bob_Chandler]]</ref> Chris did not know the difference between [[Random-access humor|RA]]M and HD space.<ref>[[Mumble_6#Music_and_Computers]]</ref>

==Chris and digital piracy==
Since Chris uses Photoshop to work on his comics, he presumably has the technical skills necessary to acquire and install bootleg software. It's very hard to believe the alternative, i.e. that he would spend an enormous chunk of his gaming and [[McDonald's]] budget on a legitimate copy of the program. Knowledgeable trolls also confirm that Chris knows how to set up and run a Bittorrent file-sharing client.

However, whether it's a matter of ignorance, laziness, or unwillingness to cross some moral line, Chris doesn't seem to swipe digital files with abandon. Most of the [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|movies and TV episodes]] that he's downloaded through the [[PlayStation Network]] are also easily available in bootleg form by way of public Bittorrent sites. He could have swiped all those ''[[Family Guy]]'' episodes for free in no time flat, instead of paying the $100 or so he spent downloading them through the PSN.

==See also==
*[[PS3]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Mumble 5

2010-08-12T23:50:23Z

Cwcking: /* Transcript */

The fifth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]].

Length: '''26:09'''

==Summary==
*[[Clyde]] confronts [[Chris]] as he prepares to chat with [[Julie]].
*Clyde asks him about whether he can truly support a family.
*Chris believes he can support a family by "tucking away a hundred dollars every month."
*Chris will get a job if he needs to, but lies about trying to find one using his [[CADD]] degree.
*[[CADD Chef]] among others is a villain because they made him feel inferior irl.

==Transcript==
'''Julie''': Hello. 
'''Chris''': Hey Julie. 
'''Julie''': I'll be right back, I have to turn the television down. 
'''Chris''': OK. 
''[extremely long pause]'' 
'''Julie:''' I'm back. Hello Chris. 
'''Julie:''' Chris, are you there? Hello? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' You got my email, right? You got it, right? 
'''Chris:''' Clyde, what are you doing here? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Did you get the email? 
'''Chris:''' What? 
'''Clyde Cash''': The email... I sent. 
'''Chris''': Oh, uh I haven't been- you sent me an email. Uhh, ok I haven't been able to get into me email, lately, it's uh, eh, kinda a bit funky. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Well, I'll read it out, but before I say so, I've had a long talk with Vivian, and she's right, I'm going way too far out of line. I'm not gonna harm anyone anymore for the rest of my goddamn life. 
'''Chris:''' Well that's good to hear. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Unfortunately, she agrees that... 
'''Julie:''' ''[overlaps]'' What is Clyde doing here? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' ...I can not let you, I can not let you meet any woman, ever, until you get your life together. 
'''Julie:''' What's Clyde doing here? He's not supposed to be here- 
'''Clyde Cash:''' His life is miserable. Look at at, Julie. A man who... [Chris sighs] tell me, what have you done today? What have you done of merit today? Go- go through your daily routine. 
'''Chris:''' I made contact- 
'''Julie''': He's a good person he doesn't need to... 
'''Chris:''' I made contact with Julie and expressed my love for her. A little bit more. 
'''Julie''': Yes, it was rather nice. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Something productive. What have you done with your Sonichu to, you know, whatever potential financial gain you can get from it? 
'''Chris:''' For your information I have received a call from an associate of Nintendo, that's willing to bring it up to Mr. Miyamoto again. Hopefully it'll be restarted. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Tell me- 
'''Julie''': Chris, that's awesome. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And tell me, how long will this take? 
'''Chris''': Hmm. Depends. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I mean... y- 
'''Chris''': I have to he- wait for them to call me back. Them to call me back. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I mean, it could take months. I mean it's taking me months til anything starts and till then, you gotta find yourself a way of financial security. Besides, aren't you gonna have to make a trip anyway? You've got to have to save up money somehow. 
'''Chris''': Myeah. I'm gonna save up money for a month. 
'''Clyde Cash''': How are you gonna save money? I mean $800 a month...really? 
'''Chris''': Yeah... it'll be a while sure, but I will have it saved up. 
'''Clyde Cash''': But don't you got bills to pay? After bills, how much do you have left? 
'''Chris''': I don't need to tell you my financial situation. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' I think Julie would like to know. Right? 
'''Julie:''' Clyde, stop it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah Clyde, leave us alone. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I'm not doing anything harmful, I'm just asking how you're going to save money up for a future family. I mean if you cannot even do that... then, there's... there's no way your family will be a success. She will divorce you quicker than... I dunno. I dunno. 
'''Chris''': I'm working on [Julie chimes in, inaudible, along the lines of never divorcing Chris.] controlling my [[Chris and money|compulsive spending]]. 
'''Clyde Cash''': It's not just controlling your spending. You can do that easily. The thing is you need more than $800 a month. Way more to support a family. 
'''Chris''': Maybe so, but at least I'll have some money tucked away before I start that family up. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And how much do you have tucked away right now? 
'''Chris''': (Smug)I have about 100 bucks tucked away right now. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' ''[laughs]'' Chris... $100 might last you a week. 
'''Chris''': Shows what you know. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ok. In an average week how much do you think you'll spend on food for let's say, two adults and uh, well you're not going to have a child that fast, so just, let's go with two adults. 
'''Chris''': Hmm. I'm sorry could you repeat the question? 
'''Clyde Cash:''' How much do you think it would cost to feed two adults, let's say you and Julie, for a week? 
'''Chris''': I'd say probably about... right about somewhere between 20 to 50. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Alright, let's just say 30 to average that out. You got 70 bucks left that week. Now, let's see: you got bills to pay. Hmm... And that's obviously got to be like... what kind of bills you got? TV, you got internet, I mean, Julie, what other amenities do you need? 
'''Chris''': She doesn't have to answer you. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I'm- My God. It's simple. You got TV, you got your car payments, car insurance, you got your internet, you got utilities, it's all gonna add up. $100 is not going to last a month. 
'''Chris''': I tucked a hundred aside and uh, a hundred a month and I'll have enough money saved up. Over that time. 
'''Clyde Cash''': The thing is what happens when you run out? 
'''Chris''': Then I'll save up some more. 
'''Clyde Cash''': No, that takes time. Ahh... I mean, oh my God. How much money do you think it costs to raise a family for a year? 
'''Chris''': I'll bet that might seem to run into the thousands. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And if you save $100 a month... you'd barely get $1000. 
'''Chris''': Well if I have to, I can and will get a job. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And again, I looked over your [[CADD|files]]. Why do you think you got an F on that? 
'''Chris''': I did not get an F on that. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ohh, oh, what'd you get then? 
'''Chris''': I got... an A+. It took me weeks to months. A whole lot of thought. It's that big grand shopping mall with the mayor's office on the other floor. 
'''Clyde Cash''': But you got an F in the comics, I thought that's what you got. 
'''Chris''': Well, you misunderstood. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Well, how did I misunderstand? I mean, it says, "I have Grade F destruction," that definitely implies Grade F. 
'''Chris''': It was on previous projects before that one. One or two. 
'''Clyde Cash''': But then why'd you have to villainize him? I mean everyone gets failing grades, you don't have to have some... 
'''Chris''': Because he talked down to me, he made me feel inferior. 
'''Clyde Cash''': My God. I mean, you didn't even utilize the 3D aspect of AutoCAD, did you? 
'''Chris''': 3D aspect of? 
'''Clyde Cash''': You know, you got your Y plane, your X plane and your Z plane. You have a X and Y plane. You never used a Z plane. 
'''Chris''': I do use the Z plane. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I didn't see that in that project. 
'''Chris''': ''[condescending]'' Well, did you have a CADD program in your computer? 
'''Clyde Cash''': Yes! I have the official one from AutoCAD. 
'''Chris''': I see. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Lemme tell you, did you even bother to look for a job utilizing that degree? 
'''Chris''': I have. And it's a bit... on a shortage right now. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Did you even go in for an interview? 
'''Chris''': I have gone in for interviews, yes. 
'''Clyde Cash''': With what companies? 
'''Chris''': ''[long pause]'' Look, there's so much stress right now, I've got a headache. It's hard for me to think of specific names at the moment. 
'''Clyde Cash''': So you're lying to me, is that what you're saying? 
'''Chris''': I am not- I am not lying to you. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Julie, listen to that. He can't even name one company he's tried to work for. Tell me, do you think a man could financially support you like that? 
'''Julie''': Uh, yes [Chris says "leave it-"]. It's possible. He can do it. 
'''Chris''': [Clyde, inaudible]Yes, I can. 
'''Clyde Cash''': This is American dollars we're talking about, the conversion rate is so much different. 
'''Julie''': I don't care, you can do anything. 
'''Chris''': Yeah. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ok, well you're a little delusional. In America we've got a bad economic spin right now. A really bad one. 
'''Julie''': I understand that. 
'''Chris''': Me too. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' No you don't, Chris. You don't listen to the bad news. You said it yourself. You don't listen to the bad news. 
'''Chris''': ''[overlaps]'' I do too. I had to listen to it from my [[Bob Chandler|father]] every day, when I'm trapped with him in the car, or when I'm downstairs with him. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Ok, wait, why are you going with your father in the car? For what? 
'''Chris''': Sometimes I go out-go out when him when he goes on trips, he goes downtown for- to run an errand. And sometimes I'll even go out with him for his morning cup of coffee. And than I get a cup of coffee as well. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Okay. Tell me. Tell me why we've got an economic crisis. 
'''Chris''': ''[long pause]''One reason? The high gas prices being raised by the A-Rabs. They gettin' greedy. And the low amount of available jobs being made. A lot of people are getting fired, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't think of at the moment, because I'll admit sometimes my memory fails me. 
'''Clyde Cash''': What the hell kind of answer was that? 
'''Chris''': It's an HONEST one. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Is it the truth? Have you even looked it up? Do you understand what a bank does? 
'''Chris''': Bank. Keeps your- it does- they- you store your money in the bank. Eventually it increases with interest, and you can spend some out of it and you can put some more in it. 
'''Clyde Cash''': How to banks make- how do banks raise the money to give people interest? How do they do that? 
'''Chris''': Okay, I'll admit you got me there. I don't know. 
'''Clyde Cash''': That is the reason why we have a terrible economic meltdown right now. Because banks are giving out loans that people cannot pay off. And now it's all come tumbling down. A bunch of corruption, a bunch of terrible loans, and a president who didn't know what to do. You're telling me you're financially prepared to take on a future wife? 
'''Chris''': I didn't- I... I did not say that I- 
'''Clyde Cash:''' I'm doing this for the good of Julie. Do you understand what I'm asking you? This isn't hatred against you or anything. I'm trying to make you a better person. 
'''Chris''': Yeah, listen. I may or may not be financially prepared at the moment, but I know that I am emotionally prepared. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Look, I wanna tell you the story of my government teacher. He had it all. He was completely prepared to marry his sweetheart. But you know what he didn't have? Money. He was trapped with student loans and college and he could barely pay off everything in his apartment. He's 80 and he hasn't- and he's never heard from her since. Now, I don't want you to grow up to be a lonely old man, but... you don't have the money. Julie's gonna leave you. Julie is going to leave you. And I know this. 
'''Julie''': No I'm not. 
'''Chris:''' I have faith in Julie. She has faith in me. 
'''Clyde Cash''': As I said, faith means nothing. As I said last time, if you end up homeless, it's over. She's going to leave you. 
'''Julie''': No I won't. I would never do that. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' Julie. 
'''Julie''': What? 
'''Clyde Cash''': You know, you seem to be trapped in a fantasy world of romance where you think things will work out in the end. Let me tell you something. It doesn't. It doesn't work out in the end. 
'''Julie''': Yes, it's true. It will. 
'''Clyde Cash''': It doesn't. 
'''Julie''': Isn't that right Chris? 
'''Clyde Cash''': ''[overlaps]'' I'm just giving you stories, my own stories, my own personal tales of loss. And things do not work out like you see in the movies. You have to agree with me on this. The divorce rate in America is 50%. Fifty god damn percent. 
'''Chris''': Maybe so, but the other 50% are still happ- are still happily married. 
'''Clyde Cash''': You don't know if they're happy. They could be in it for the tax. Tax breaks, and what not. They might not- they could be separated. My parents were for quite a long time, and than they got divorced, and then they died. It's a sad tale. You gotta understand. 
'''Chris''': Look. Yeah. I'm hear- I-I- I'm understanding where you're coming from. But you do not need to reflect your own bad times among other people. 
''[Voices overlap]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': What about your parents Chris? What about your parents? 
'''Chris''': Oh, let me ask- let me tell you something. I talked to my mother. They never got drunk before they had me. They planned me. They met in 1979, they married in 1980, I was born in 1982. 
'''Clyde Cash''': I trust the word of your brother more than the word of your parents. Because your mother's been lying to Cole for quite a long time. Did he ever find out who his real father was? 
'''Chris''': Yes. He did. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Really. I should ask him, I should ask him. 
''[Voices overlap, Chris says "And he'll tell you that-", Clyde inaudible]'' 
'''Chris''': I'm sorry, go ahead. 
'''Clyde Cash''': No, you go. You go. 
'''Chris''': Anyway, you'll find an answer the same thing from him that his fa- that his blood father was a drunk. 
'''Clyde Cash''': And, uhh, but what about your mother? Didn't she divorce? Or your father? 
'''Chris''': I'm sorry could you repeat that? 
'''Clyde Cash''': Didn't your mother and father, go through various, y'know, marriages as well? 
'''Chris''': Yes, my mother has been through a few different marriages, and my father has only been through one marriage before they met. 
'''Clyde Cash''': You see, fifty percent is definitely not a lie. And Julie- you and Julie... could end up the same way. It's what I'm saying. I'm TRYING for the best. I'm TRYING to help you. Julie, both of you have problems that need actual help. 
'''Chris''': You could use some of your own help as well. 
'''Clyde Cash:''' I don't, okay? I'm not actually looking for a marriage, if Sarah comes back, that's fine. I'm prepared. But Chris, you are not prepared at all. 
'''Chris''': I'm more prepared than you'll ever... be able to imagine. 
'''Clyde Cash''': We just went over your finances, you have a hundred dollars saved up. That's not gonna get you anywhere. 
'''Chris''': I may not be financially prepared at the moment, but I am emotionally prepared right now. 
'''Clyde Cash''': Again, emotions mean nothing when you're homeless and out on the street. I'm repeating myself. I'm a parrot, and I want a cracker. 
'''Chris''': ''[Squawks loudly]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': That was unnecessary. 
'''Chris''': Well you called yourself a parrot, so I squawked. ''[squawks twice]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': Look, you don't have to do that. Stop derailing this conversation. 
'''Chris''': Excuse me. ''[rustling sounds]'' ''[presumably somebody calling for him]'' Coming! 
''[Short pause]''
'''Julie:''' Oh, gosh darn it! My penis got stuck in my throat! 
''[Pause, with Clyde singing something and Julie talking about big fat wangs]'' 
'''Julie:''' Clyde, you should leave now before Chris comes back and gets mad at you. You're just making him [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|angrier]] and [[Chris Loses It|angrier]]. 
'''Clyde Cash''': You better watch your mouth. Isn't your parental guardian, or guardian will take you away from your precious, precious internets. Stay silent. [[Metal Gear Solid|Brother]]... ''[Starts singing again]'' 
''[very long pause]'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': My sole goal now is justice, it's all I ever wanted. 
''[The sound of a TV in the background]'' 
'''Julie:''' Chris? 
'''Clyde Cash''': It's the curse. The parental curse. ''[creepy sigh]'' The truth behind your crutch. [[Metal Gear Solid|This is good, isn't it...?]] 
''[Clyde mumbles more]'' 
'''Chris''': ''[sighs]'' All right, my mom wants me to go out and get her some bread, some orange juice, and [[Speech Impediment|a sss- and a- a tuna fish, and]] a tuna sub from [[wikipedia:Sheetz|Sheetz]].'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': It's awfully late for tha- '''Chris''': ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' ''Sheetz is open 24 hours.'' 
'''Clyde Cash''': That's nice. Okay. I can't believe you said- 
'''Chris:''' ''[overlaps]'' Uhh, Julie, I'll talk to you later on the Playstation Network. Goodbye! 
'''Julie:''' Are you going to come back to Mumble? 
'''Chris:''' Mm, that's some for me to think about. I'll see you later Julie. Alright, Clyde. 
'''Julie''': Alright, I'll see you later. Bye. 
''[Chris disconnects]'' 
'''Julie''': Well, could have been better. Could have been awfully better. That's all I can really say. I'm disappointed. And before you all unmute yourselves- ''[cuts off]'' I am a- ''[cuts off]'' Oh, I was supposed to do that, Cogs! What's up! What's up, I was gonna do that! Anyway, yeah, Chris might be-''[cuts off]'' 
''[Trolls talk near inaudibly]'' 
'''GeckoMantis:''' Cogs, I'm sorry, I was still set to stereo mix instead of my microphone, because I was recording Chris. 
[Pause] 
'''GeckoMantis:''' Yeah, I'd better stop recording now. 

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 4|Mumble Chat 4]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat 6]]|}}

==Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndjjlzmjttm Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2

2010-08-11T12:21:07Z

Cwcking:

Shortly after the [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]] was released, a second one was released as well.

Jack uses this call to further berate [[Chris]] about his [[health]], [[money]] and [[Holiday_Greetings|anything]] [[Comic|else]] [[Barbara_Chandler|he]] [[Bob_Chandler|felt]] [[Kimmi|like]], because Chris is too dumb to hang up. Jack also reveals a hypothesis that his mother might have performed surgery on [[Bob_Chandler|Bob]]. It is also revealed that he only has roughly $200 in his savings (which is probably [[Monthly_tugboat|your money]]). This call is also one of the few instances where [[Barbara_Chandler|Snorlax]] makes an appearance.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jack:''' [''using a mocking falsetto voice''] Hi, Chris. It's me, Kim.
 '''Chris:''' No, it's not.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, oh, oh, okay I-- I guess-- I guess you saw through my ruse, Chris, you know. It's me, Jack, your best friend.... Aren't we friends Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' Hmm?
 '''Chris:''' Whatever, I don't know, but, anyways, what's up?
 '''Jack:''' What? What do you mean-- what do you mean, "Whatever"? What do you mean, "Whatever"?[''Chris tries to interrupt''] God dammit, man! Anyways, I got shit on Clyde. You-- you wanna know...-- you wanna know it?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, what do you have on Clyde?
 '''Jack:''' Well, first of all, he wears glasses.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, he wears glasses.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Go on. 
 '''Jack:''' Second of all, he likes Pokémon... for some reason. His favorite Pokémon (pronounced Pokey man) is Bidoof.
 '''Chris:''' Okay... Bidoof. Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Bidoof!
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I know what a Bidoof is.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah-eh, I'm sure you are... a Bidoof.
 '''Chris:''' Okay well--
 '''Jack:''' He also likes Sonic...
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' And, uh... let me see what else does he... hmm. Well, Chris, that's-- I guess that's all that I'm gonna tell you for now, but how was your day? I saw you made a video.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' I saw you made a video.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay... Yeah, a holiday greeting video.
 '''Jack:''' Uh-huh, have-- I have a question Chris: have you ever heard of St. Mary's Hospital?
 '''Chris:''' St. Mary's Hospital, I have heard that name before--
 '''Jack:''' In Richmond, Virginia.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, so that's where-- so that's where it's located.
 '''Jack:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' From 1989 to 1999, ''I'' lived in Richmond.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You also lived in Richmond.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I not live that-- that long a time. I lived there shorter-- shorter length than you... . Obviously, because I lived there from '92 to 2000. Which-- uh-- which is like, that's like 8--
 '''Jack:''' That doesn't matter. I was still in the same fucking city as you at the same time. And something else: my mother worked in the cathlab at St. Mary's.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Now, I hear that Bob had bypass surgery. Is this true?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he did.
 '''Jack:''' When was this?
 '''Chris:''' This was quite a few years ago, during that-- during that decade.
 '''Jack:''' Interesting, did-- did he get it done at St. Mary's?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, I'm not sure it was St.-- I'm not sure it was-- I'm not sure if it was St. Mary's. Uhh, it was the hospital closest to, uhh, Cloverleaf Shopping Center.
 '''Jack:''' Uhh...
 '''Chris:''' That's-- uh-- that's a good way of describing its location, anyway.
 '''Jack:''' Well... o-- okay I was-- anyways, yeah, my mother might have operated on your father... isn't that ''creepy''?
 '''Chris:''' Okay... [''Chris speaks away from the phone''] Yes, mom? Mom [''indistinct'']
 '''Jack:''' Uh-oh, UH-OH, uh-oh, oh. Snorlax.
 '''Chris:''' 'Sup Mom?
 '''Jack:''' [''mockingly impersonating Chris''] Hi, Mommy, hmm. I just wanna cuddle up into your fat rolls, hmm. Yeah, hmm, yeah. [''mockingly hums like Chris while indistinct conversation happens in background, then snickers to himself'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, sorry about that, my mom was checking in.
 '''Jack:''' [''still impersonating Chris''] It's your mommy, hmm?
 '''Chris:''' [''oblivious to mocking''] Yeah, well, she wants me let the cat-- let-- let the cat in, 'cuz it's going to be very cold tonight.... Uh, so, anyway, you're saying your mother might have operated on my father?
 '''Jack:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-- well, okay, that's good.
 '''Jack:''' I find that very creepy. I might have even run into you while you lived in Richmond. 
 '''Chris:''' Huh. Well, I wouldn't have known it... or I wouldn't remember it... at this time. So it's a possibility, yes. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' That's interesting.
 '''Chris:''' Quite.
 '''Jack:''' Have you ever thought about moving out of your house?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, maybe.
 '''Jack:''' Where would you wanna move?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not sure right now, but I would say that-- I would say a nice little house in Charlottesville.
 '''Jack:''' [laughs] Pfft, you afford a place in Charlottesville? That's funny.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well-- well, anyway, that's a--that's a long ways-- that's a lon-- bit aways from now, anyway.
 '''Jack:''' A bit a-- bit aways? You're almost thirty-years-old, and... you...[''holding back laughter'']-- that CADD degree sure is coming in handy!
 '''Chris:''' Oy vey! Whatever.
 '''Jack:''' "Oy-- "Oy vey"?!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway....
 '''Jack:''' What are you, suddenly Jewish? How much money have you made in your life, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' In my lifetime... I can't even count that high.
 '''Jack:''' You'v--
 '''Chris:''' I don't even-- I don't even know-- I'm not gonna--
 '''Jack:''' That's not-- no! That's not-- that's not-- no, no-no, no. No, money that you get from the government is not money that you make. That is money that is ''given to you'' so that you can buy the essentials: food... medicine, and clothing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 [''6:00'']
 '''Jack:''' ''You'' use it for... shit you don't need, like your precious [[PS3|pee-ess-triple]].
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, well.... Alright, so-- alright, so in the, uhh-- ...okay, umm.... Okay, aside from that, is there anything else in your mind?
 '''Jack:''' Umm... you're gonna piss off a lot of, uhh...-- oh, yeah. Answer it, Chris. Answer the question: how much have you made? Five dollars, right?
 '''Chris:''' I made some money, yes.
 '''Jack:''' And what'd you do with that money? Waste it all.
 '''Chris:''' No, I saved it.
 '''Jack:''' You saved--
 '''Chris:''' It's in a savings account.
 '''Jack:''' [''Jack's mouth erupts with flatulence''] You have a savings account? Really? A savings account?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' How much is in it?
 '''Chris:''' About two hundred... right now.
 '''Jack:''' Whoahohaha! That's savings, alright! ...Savings, alright... Two hundred in a savings account...
 '''Chris:''' Well, whatev-- Well, anyway...
 '''Jack:''' That's funny.
 '''Chris:''' Is there anything else that you would like to talk about?
 '''Jack:''' Oh, yeah, you're gonna piss off a lot of people with [[Aspergers|Ass Burger's]] if you keep this shit up. I'm just saying, I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Well, I'm not gonna do-- be saying stuff-- I'm not gonna be saying anything new about that, other than what I have made--
 '''Jack:''' Why? Why can't you accept the fact that it is a condition that is associated with... autistic-- au-tism? You-- you seem to confuse--
 '''Chris:''' Because it is not.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, it is a ''scientific fact''... that it is a ''fucking''-- it's on the aut-ism... spectrum.
 '''Chris:''' I have read that on the Ha-Wikipedia [''kind of like "Cool Ha-Whip"''] page, yes. I just--
 '''Jack:''' [''here Jack tries to send a subliminal message to Chris using Morse code''] No, no-no, no, no-no-no. Don't you fuckin' say that... it's an opinion, because it's ''not'' an opinion. It's a fact!
 '''Chris:''' I hav-- I n-- I hav-- I have not said-- I did not
 '''Jack:''' You-- you-- you know what? You know, I have a suggestion for you: okay, go to PBS.com, and go to the Arthur thing, and there's a little game... for you to play. It's called "Binky"-- "Binky's Fact or Opinion Game", you get-- and you have to try and figure out which statement is a fact and which is an ''opinion''.
 '''Chris:''' [''amazed at the complexity of this non-''Guitar Hero''/non-''LittleBigPlanet'' game''] I see...
 '''Jack:''' You see? You see? Because you seem to not be able to differ-rentriate between the two of them.
 '''Chris:''' I can diffientriate between fact and fiction.
 '''Jack:''' No, no, I said, "differentiate between fact and ''opinion''".
 '''Chris:''' I can diffientriate between fact and opinion, as well.
 '''Jack:''' Then-- okay, then are...-- are autism and Asperger's similar?
 '''Chris:''' They are not.
 '''Jack:''' That is a ''fucking''...-- what-- I told y-- It's a ''fucking fact'' that they are similar! Okay?! Asperger's [''in all of Jack's cases, he pronounces it "Ass Burgers", in such a way that mimics Chris.''] is just... a fucki-- is-- you ''wish'' that you had Asperger's, okay? Hell, I have a form of au-tism! I have ADHD.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-- [''incoherent babbling'']
 '''Jack:''' Attention-deficit hyperactive disorder. You know what that means? That means that... I am on the autism spectrum. That means that I have-- suffer from forms of autism.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. ...I see... ...Okay.
 '''Jack:''' And, unlike you, I don't use it as a ''fucking crutch''! I don't... explain away my behavior based upon my... condition.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jack:''' I-- I can tell that you're not listening at all, and that you're just-- you're saying stuff to--
 '''Chris:''' I am-- I ''am'' listening to you.
 '''Jack:''' [''laughter''] No, you're not, because-- 
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I am.
 '''Jack:''' -- I've heard you do this before with talks with Clyde... and with, uhh, ya know... other people... and shit. I've heard this before.
 '''Chris:''' I listen to you; you said you have ADH-- ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactive disorder), and you said that it's a form-- it's a type of autism.
 '''Jack:''' Is that a fact, or opinion?
 '''Chris:''' Absolutely(?) really(?) been paying attention.
 '''Jack:''' Is that a fact, or opinion?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' Is that a fact, or opinion?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, it is a fact.
 '''Jack:''' Good job! You get a gold star! Just like back in preschool, isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Now what about Asperger's?
 '''Chris:''' ...What about...?
 '''Jack:''' Is Asperger's a form of autism?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, Asperger's is a form of autism.
 '''Jack:''' Ah, shit, son! It took you ''this'' long to admit that science is correct. ...Also, I don't think you understand much about Asperger's. You seem to have just ''skimmed through'' the article on Wikipedia. Why don't you read it all?
 '''Chris:''' I ''did'' read it all. [''incoherent babbling'']
 '''Jack:''' Then di-- where does the name "Asperger's syndrome" come from?
 '''Chris:''' It came from the guy who founded it, Assburger. That's his last name.
 '''Jack:''' Assburge-- Assburger? No, it's As''perger''. He's--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, As''perger''.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, anyways.... You win.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You win-- you win a gold star, Chris. Why don't you go-- go to the-- go drive around in the snow, go to the store, get, you know, a sticker-sheet of gold stars, and pin two gold stars on your chest, 'cuz you just won.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Well, anyway...
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I'm... finishing up a-- I'm finishing up a page right now, so--
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you better finish it up!
 '''Chris:''' -- I'll be uploading that soon.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 [''they simultaneously say, "Yeah, okay."'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, [''in a very sweet tone''] alright, I'll talk to you later. You take care and be safe.
 '''Jack:''' I love you.
 [''awkward silence as a chill runs down Chris's spine from fear of [[homos]]'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, bye-bye.
 [''Jack giggles like a schoolgirl''] 

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]|}}

==External links==
<s>*[http://www.mediafire.com/?tz2twmwqwmd MP3 of the phone call]</s>
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysi9Nvkw0Kg YouTube of the call]
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/games/factsopinions/factsopinions.html The Arthur Facts and Opinions game]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2

2010-08-11T12:18:17Z

Cwcking:

Shortly after the [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]] was released, a second one was released as well.

Jack uses this call to further berate [[Chris]] about his [[health]], [[money]] and [[Holiday_Greetings|anything]] [[Comic|else]] [[Barbara_Chandler|he]] [[Bob_Chandler|felt]] [[Kimmi|like]], because Chris is too dumb to hang up. Jack also reveals a hypothesis that his mother might have performed surgery on [[Bob_Chandler|Bob]]. It is also revealed that he only has roughly $200 in his savings (which is probably [[Monthly_tugboat|your money]]). This call is also one of the few instances where [[Barbara_Chandler|Snorlax]] makes an appearance.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jack:''' [''using a mocking falsetto voice''] Hi, Chris. It's me, Kim.
 '''Chris:''' No, it's not.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, oh, oh, okay I-- I guess-- I guess you saw through my ruse, Chris, you know. It's me, Jack, your best friend.... Aren't we friends Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' Hmm?
 '''Chris:''' Whatever, I don't know, but, anyways, what's up?
 '''Jack:''' What? What do you mean-- what do you mean, "Whatever"? What do you mean, "Whatever"?[''Chris tries to interrupt''] God dammit, man! Anyways, I got shit on Clyde. You-- you wanna know...-- you wanna know it?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, what do you have on Clyde?
 '''Jack:''' Well, first of all, he wears glasses.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, he wears glasses.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Go on. 
 '''Jack:''' Second of all, he likes Pokémon... for some reason. His favorite Pokémon (pronounced Pokey man) is Bidoof.
 '''Chris:''' Okay... Bidoof. Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Bidoof!
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I know what a Bidoof is.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah-eh, I'm sure you are... a Bidoof.
 '''Chris:''' Okay well--
 '''Jack:''' He also likes Sonic...
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' And, uh... let me see what else does he... hmm. Well, Chris, that's-- I guess that's all that I'm gonna tell you for now, but how was your day? I saw you made a video.
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' I saw you made a video.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay... Yeah, a holiday greeting video.
 '''Jack:''' Uh-huh, have-- I have a question Chris: have you ever heard of St. Mary's Hospital?
 '''Chris:''' St. Mary's Hospital, I have heard that name before--
 '''Jack:''' In Richmond, Virginia.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, so that's where-- so that's where it's located.
 '''Jack:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' From 1989 to 1999, ''I'' lived in Richmond.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You also lived in Richmond.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I not live that-- that long a time. I lived there shorter-- shorter length than you... . Obviously, because I lived there from '92 to 2000. Which-- uh-- which is like, that's like 8--
 '''Jack:''' That doesn't matter. I was still in the same fucking city as you at the same time. And something else: my mother worked in the cathlab at St. Mary's.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Now, I hear that Bob had bypass surgery. Is this true?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he did.
 '''Jack:''' When was this?
 '''Chris:''' This was quite a few years ago, during that-- during that decade.
 '''Jack:''' Interesting, did-- did he get it done at St. Mary's?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, I'm not sure it was St.-- I'm not sure it was-- I'm not sure if it was St. Mary's. Uhh, it was the hospital closest to, uhh, Cloverleaf Shopping Center.
 '''Jack:''' Uhh...
 '''Chris:''' That's-- uh-- that's a good way of describing its location, anyway.
 '''Jack:''' Well... o-- okay I was-- anyways, yeah, my mother might have operated on your father... isn't that ''creepy''?
 '''Chris:''' Okay... [''Chris speaks away from the phone''] Yes, mom? Mom [''indistinct'']
 '''Jack:''' Uh-oh, UH-OH, uh-oh, oh. Snorlax.
 '''Chris:''' 'Sup Mom?
 '''Jack:''' [''mockingly impersonating Chris''] Hi, Mommy, hmm. I just wanna cuddle up into your fat rolls, hmm. Yeah, hmm, yeah. [''mockingly hums like Chris while indistinct conversation happens in background, then snickers to himself'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, sorry about that, my mom was checking in.
 '''Jack:''' [''still impersonating Chris''] It's your mommy, hmm?
 '''Chris:''' [''oblivious to mocking''] Yeah, well, she wants me let the cat-- let-- let the cat in, 'cuz it's going to be very cold tonight.... Uh, so, anyway, you're saying your mother might have operated on my father?
 '''Jack:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-- well, okay, that's good.
 '''Jack:''' I find that very creepy. I might have even run into you while you lived in Richmond. 
 '''Chris:''' Huh. Well, I wouldn't have known it... or I wouldn't remember it... at this time. So it's a possibility, yes. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' That's interesting.
 '''Chris:''' Quite.
 '''Jack:''' Have you ever thought about moving out of your house?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, maybe.
 '''Jack:''' Where would you wanna move?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not sure right now, but I would say that-- I would say a nice little house in Charlottesville.
 '''Jack:''' [laughs] Pfft, you afford a place in Charlottesville? That's funny.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well-- well, anyway, that's a--that's a long ways-- that's a lon-- bit aways from now, anyway.
 '''Jack:''' A bit a-- bit aways? You're almost thirty-years-old, and... you...[''holding back laughter'']-- that CADD degree sure is coming in handy!
 '''Chris:''' Oy vey! Whatever.
 '''Jack:''' "Oy-- "Oy vey"?!
 '''Chris:''' Anyway....
 '''Jack:''' What are you, suddenly Jewish? How much money have you made in your life, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' In my lifetime... I can't even count that high.
 '''Jack:''' You'v--
 '''Chris:''' I don't even-- I don't even know-- I'm not gonna--
 '''Jack:''' That's not-- no! That's not-- that's not-- no, no-no, no. No, money that you get from the government is not money that you make. That is money that is ''given to you'' so that you can buy the essentials: food... medicine, and clothing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 [''6:00'']
 '''Jack:''' ''You'' use it for... shit you don't need, like your precious [[PS3|pee-ess-triple]].
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, well.... Alright, so-- alright, so in the, uhh-- ...okay, umm.... Okay, aside from that, is there anything else in your mind?
 '''Jack:''' Umm... you're gonna piss off a lot of, uhh...-- oh, yeah. Answer it, Chris. Answer the question: how much have you made? Five dollars, right?
 '''Chris:''' I made some money, yes.
 '''Jack:''' And what'd you do with that money? Waste it all.
 '''Chris:''' No, I saved it.
 '''Jack:''' You saved--
 '''Chris:''' It's in a savings account.
 '''Jack:''' [''Jack's mouth erupts with flatulence''] You have a savings account? Really? A savings account?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' How much is in it?
 '''Chris:''' About two hundred... right now.
 '''Jack:''' Whoahohaha! That's savings, alright! ...Savings, alright... Two hundred in a savings account...
 '''Chris:''' Well, whatev-- Well, anyway...
 '''Jack:''' That's funny.
 '''Chris:''' Is there anything else that you would like to talk about?
 '''Jack:''' Oh, yeah, you're gonna piss off a lot of people with [[Aspergers|Ass Burger's]] if you keep this shit up. I'm just saying, I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Well, I'm not gonna do-- be saying stuff-- I'm not gonna be saying anything new about that, other than what I have made--
 '''Jack:''' Why? Why can't you accept the fact that it is a condition that is associated with... autistic-- au-tism? You-- you seem to confuse--
 '''Chris:''' Because it is not.
 '''Jack:''' Chris, it is a ''scientific fact''... that it is a ''fucking''-- it's on the aut-ism... spectrum.
 '''Chris:''' I have read that on the Ha-Wikipedia [''kind of like "Cool Ha-Whip"''] page, yes. I just--
 '''Jack:''' [''here Jack tries to send a subliminal message to Chris using Morse code''] No, no-no, no, no-no-no. Don't you fuckin' say that... it's an opinion, because it's ''not'' an opinion. It's a fact!
 '''Chris:''' I hav-- I n-- I hav-- I have not said-- I did not
 '''Jack:''' You-- you-- you know what? You know, I have a suggestion for you: okay, go to PBS.com, and go to the Arthur thing, and there's a little game... for you to play. It's called "Binky"-- "Binky's Fact or Opinion Game", you get-- and you have to try and figure out which statement is a fact and which is an ''opinion''.
 '''Chris:''' [''amazed at the complexity of this non-''Guitar Hero''/non-''LittleBigPlanet'' game''] I see...
 '''Jack:''' You see? You see? Because you seem to not be able to differ-rentriate between the two of them.
 '''Chris:''' I can diffientriate between fact and fiction.
 '''Jack:''' No, no, I said, "differentiate between fact and ''opinion''".
 '''Chris:''' I can diffientriate between fact and opinion, as well.
 '''Jack:''' Then-- okay, then are...-- are autism and Asperger's similar?
 '''Chris:''' They are not.
 '''Jack:''' That is a ''fucking''...-- what-- I told y-- It's a ''fucking fact'' that they are similar! Okay?! Asperger's [in all of Jack's cases, he pronounces it "Ass Burgers", in such a way that mimics Chris.] is just... a fucki-- is-- you ''wish'' that you had Asperger's, okay? Hell, I have a form of au-tism! I have ADHD.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-- [''incoherent babbling'']
 '''Jack:''' Attention-deficit hyperactive disorder. You know what that means? That means that... I am on the autism spectrum. That means that I have-- suffer from forms of autism.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. ...I see... ...Okay.
 '''Jack:''' And, unlike you, I don't use it as a ''fucking crutch''! I don't... explain away my behavior based upon my... condition.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jack:''' I-- I can tell that you're not listening at all, and that you're just-- you're saying stuff to--
 '''Chris:''' I am-- I ''am'' listening to you.
 '''Jack:''' [''laughter''] No, you're not, because-- 
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I am.
 '''Jack:''' -- I've heard you do this before with talks with Clyde... and with, uhh, ya know... other people... and shit. I've heard this before.
 '''Chris:''' I listen to you; you said you have ADH-- ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactive disorder), and you said that it's a form-- it's a type of autism.
 '''Jack:''' Is that a fact, or opinion?
 '''Chris:''' Absolutely(?) really(?) been paying attention.
 '''Jack:''' Is that a fact, or opinion?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' Is that a fact, or opinion?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, it is a fact.
 '''Jack:''' Good job! You get a gold star! Just like back in preschool, isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Now what about Asperger's?
 '''Chris:''' ...What about...?
 '''Jack:''' Is Asperger's a form of autism?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, Asperger's is a form of autism.
 '''Jack:''' Ah, shit, son! It took you ''this'' long to admit that science is correct. ...Also, I don't think you understand much about Asperger's. You seem to have just ''skimmed through'' the article on Wikipedia. Why don't you read it all?
 '''Chris:''' I ''did'' read it all. [''incoherent babbling'']
 '''Jack:''' Then di-- where does the name "Asperger's syndrome" come from?
 '''Chris:''' It came from the guy who founded it, Assburger. That's his last name.
 '''Jack:''' Assburge-- Assburger? No, it's As''perger''. He's--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, As''perger''.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, anyways.... You win.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You win-- you win a gold star, Chris. Why don't you go-- go to the-- go drive around in the snow, go to the store, get, you know, a sticker-sheet of gold stars, and pin two gold stars on your chest, 'cuz you just won.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Well, anyway...
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I'm... finishing up a-- I'm finishing up a page right now, so--
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you better finish it up!
 '''Chris:''' -- I'll be uploading that soon.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 [''they simultaneously say, "Yeah, okay."'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, [''in a very sweet tone''] alright, I'll talk to you later. You take care and be safe.
 '''Jack:''' I love you.
 [''awkward silence as a chill runs down Chris's spine from fear of [[homos]]'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, bye-bye.
 [''Jack giggles like a schoolgirl''] 

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]|}}

==External links==
<s>*[http://www.mediafire.com/?tz2twmwqwmd MP3 of the phone call]</s>
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysi9Nvkw0Kg YouTube of the call]
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/games/factsopinions/factsopinions.html The Arthur Facts and Opinions game]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]