CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Daedalus

2011-11-27T01:23:04Z

Daedalus:

Chris better call Saul!

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Chris and religion

2011-11-15T17:09:02Z

Daedalus: minor grammar fix

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1 Cor 13:11,<ref>[http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm]</ref> on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris not understanding how professional help works<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion; like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[sex]], [[Anger|hatred]], [[Race|intolerance]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[Julie|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[Lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naive|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was; under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[File:Cwcandf.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's supposed relationship with God]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]], also in this pic, BLASPHEMY!]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|[[Asperchu/Background|Radar]] sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.

Being the unparalleled study in [[ego]]tism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris [[fail]]s at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Mohammad Reza Pahlavi|Shah of Iran]], Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Daughter|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all Seven Deadly Sins===
The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is a conception of the Catholics founded through doctrine Pope Gregory I established through a revised list of monk Evagrius Ponticus' list of the eight terrible temptations. Catholics, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Seeing as this is Catholic doctrine, Protestants do not typically share this belief. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': His [[Love Quest]]. Between all the purchases of [[sex toys]] and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. (See also [[Chris and Sex]]).
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. (See also [[Chris and Money]]). He's even gone so far as to [[The MovingForward videos|destroy his PS3]] in an attempt to gain money.
*'''Sloth''': Obvious; see ''Gluttony''. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the [[Internet]], Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household [[chores]] is [[stress|"stressful"]] and an equivalent to holding a real job.
*'''Anger/Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris and anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': [[Jerks|His attitude towards other men]] as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than ''anyone'', let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's [[Autism|self-centered worldview]] and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also [[Chris and his Ego]])

===Failure Of All Seven Heavenly Virtues===
In Christianity, where there is sin, there is redemption. In Christianity there are four Cardinal virtues, which were initially derived from Plato's Scheme from Protagoras and were adapted by Saint Ambrose, Augustine of Hippo, and Thomas Aquinas. In the early Church there were also three theological virtues. In Catholicism these virtues were combined to make '''The Seven Heavenly Virtues'''. These are acts of redemption and righteousness that combat the seven deadly sins. Chris fails at all of them.

*'''Chastity''' '''-''The virtue against Lust''-''': Chris, however, lives accordingly with this virtue, to an extent. As a [[Virgin with rage]] Chris may always live in chastity in the sexual way. But chastity is more than just sex, its cleanliness through cultivated good [[Chris and health|health and hygiene]], and maintained by refraining from [[alcohol|intoxicants]]. Chastity is embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought-through education and betterment. Part of chastity is to be honest with oneself, one's family, one's friends, and to all of humanity. Chastity is the ability to refrain from being distracted and influenced by hostility, temptation or corruption. Chris however lives in filth all day, everyday, eats [[McDonalds|unhealthy food]], and started drinking not too long ago. Chris [[lies|lies All The Fucking Time]]. Chris hasn't tried to better himself since he graduated from college, despite the efforts of [[trolls]], [[white knights]], and [[jerkop|authority]] [[Manajerk|figures]]. Chris loses his anger frequently, masturbates constantly, and spends taxpayer money like it's going out of style.
*'''Temperance''' '''-''The virtue against Gluttony''-''': Temperance to put it simply is restraint, moderation, and taking action at the appropriate time. Chris has no restraint when it comes to his social security. He buys whatever he can afford the instance he sees and wants it whether he needs it or not, almost always the latter. Chris has spent money he doesn't have via his credit cards or his parent’s credit cards.
*'''Charity''' '''-''The virtue against greed''-''': Charity is generosity, charity, and, self-sacrifice. The closest Chris has come to generosity is paying for ebay and other shit for [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], and not out of being generous, but to either buy her forgiveness, or in attempts to have sex with her. Whether he gives to charity is unknown, but usually you have to have sympathy for others or want to help others, Chris always wants to ''receive'' sympathy and help. Chris hardly sacrifices anything. Chris only sacrifices if he has something to gain, not for the sake of others or to be pious. He sacrificed a few games out of his hundreds for money, and [[PS3#Destruction|destroyed his PS3 in hopes of being paid over $9,000.]] Even when sacrificing a little would better him he is extremely [[Chris and negotiation|stubborn]].
*'''Diligence''' '''-''The virtue against Sloth''-''': Diligence is strong work ethic, determination, holding true to your beliefs, and courage. Chris has no work ethic, At All. He only works when he's "inspired", and then at most its only for an hour. Chris is determined in the sense he hasn't given up on Sonichu after all the harassing, but determination also means finishing what you started. Saying ''''"I'M WORKING ON IT!"''' and doing nothing, or quitting for months at a time isn't determination. Chris started [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] in [[August 2009]], skipped finishing it, and started [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] in [[February 2010]]. Chris does hold true in his beliefs, but will flip flop between hating [[homos]] every once in a while. When it comes to courage, well, Chris is a pussy. He always hides behind his parents when it comes to the law, [[List of places that have banned Chris|bans]], and [[Kacey and Liquid Call|uncomfortable phone conversations.]] The one time Chris almost got into a physical fight as an adult was with a large black man named [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris.27s_Attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|TJ]], in which he quickly re-worded what he said, sank back down in his seat, and stopped making eye contact. Yet, Chris [[death threats|threatens people constantly]]. When Chris was threatened over the Internet, he hid under stuffed animals on his couch for a day.<ref>[[Death_threats#Chris_as_recipient]]</ref>
*'''Patience''' '''-''The virtue against Wrath''-''': Patience is forbearance and endurance through moderation, resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence, and giving the grace of forgiveness and mercy. Chris is none of this. He doesn't wait for sales, he buys what he wants, when he wants, whether he has money or not. Chris will try to resolve conflicts peacefully, at first, but quickly starts threatening if his demands aren't met. When it comes to forgiveness, the closest he ever came was three forgiveness blessings, some of which he took back. He's said he forgives [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but still holds a grudge in his [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|Autism Tutorial]]. He forgives [[Michael Snyder]], then says he [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|hopes he dies a fire with the The GAMe PLACe.]] Chris extremely unmerciful. He took; [[Clyde Cash]], [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Evan]], [[Mao#Asperpedia|Mao]], and [[Alec Benson Leary]], tortured and killed them in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].
*'''Kindness''' '''-''The virtue against Envy''-''': Kindness is charity, compassion and friendship for its own sake. Empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment. Unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite. Once again Chris doesn't meet nearly any of this. Chris has compassion for no one. When his [[Aunt Corrina]] died, Chris seemed more upset that he missed out on stuffing his fat fucking face at a pancake breakfast for her funeral. Chris has no male friends at all, for he thinks all men are [[jerks]]. All his [[gal-pals]] are potential women Chris wants to have sex with; this is not friendship for its own sake. Chris doesn't trust men because of prejudice and resentment. Chris is nothing but selfish, and is only kind to get [[china]] or something he wants.
*'''Humility''' '''-''The virtue against Pride''-''': Humility is modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. It is a spirit of self-examination; a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with. The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved. Reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love. Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one's own self. Being faithful to promises, no matter how big or small they may be. Refraining from despair and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation.
This may be a long definition, but this is needed for emphasis. Chris fails harder at humility than any other virtue. He is not humble in any way, shape, or form. Chris is not modest at all, be it his body, his achievements, or his personal information. He is pretentious, narcissistic, and his [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is out of control. Chris is selfish; he spends taxpayer money and his parents money on himself, and when someone wants something from him he finds some idiotic way out of it. He wants everything for nothing. Chris only respects himself, his father (sometimes), and world leaders. He has no respect for authority because it inconveniences him, and men because he has to compete against them for china, and they may [[Homos#Fear_of_being_a_homo|cause him to fall off the straight path.]] Chris only thinks of himself, and highly at that. Chris is dishonest when he self-examines himself. He refuses to believe he's anything more than chubby, when by basic BMI standards he's obese. Chris won't do anything that he finds difficult, even if it is easy for functioning members of society. [[Chris and Art|He thinks his art is extraordinary and can't be improved.]] He believes he's not [[naïve]], though he's extremely inexperienced. Chris shuts his mind and insults anyone who disagrees with him. Chris disregards the advice of experienced professionals alot. Chris criticizes people better than him, and art that is substantially better than his, claiming he and his work is better. Chris breaks promises and commitments constantly, by either half-assing it, feigning ignorance, lying about fulfilling his obligation, or lying about the agreeing to do so to begin with. And finally Chris falls into [[stress]] and despair when he doesn't win, and avoids confrontation at all costs.

===Breaking all Ten Commandments===

The Ten Commandments are the foundation of all the Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). Chris isn't a strict follower of these either.

# '''"Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
# '''"Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the [[Medallions of Fail]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
# '''"Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
# '''"Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
# '''"Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] [[Bob walks in|that]] [[Tomgirl|upset]] his father.
# '''"Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath. Alternatively, considering the revelation that he believes cartoon characters really exist, his actions in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] where he collapses a building full of people, killing at least a hundred people for relatively minor slights gives him the biggest body count of the series.
# '''"Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
# '''"Thou shalt not steal"''': If [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] However, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
# '''"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator. This was especially prevalent within the [[Alec Benson Leary]] saga.
# '''"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]], which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of [[Wikipedia:Halakha|Halakha]], Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos]]exuality is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokémon|Pikachu]]?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]! [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2020:6&version=NIV Leviticus 20:6]''' "I will set my face against the person who turns to Mediums and spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, and I will cut him off from his people." Chris has claimed to hear the voices of [[Aunt Corrina]], his [[Cherokian Clan|other]] [[Daniel Weston|ancestors]], and GodJesus at the former's funeral, all giving approval to his [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[china]].<ref>[[Sarah May Skype Logs]]</ref>

However, when Christianity first became a religion, Saint Paul came up with the new covenant, so all the bits about circumcision, sacrificing goats, eating a kosher diet, and other Levitical laws no longer apply. Anyone who claims to be a Christian and still follows the Levitical laws isn't really a Christian so much as an ultra-orthodox Jew, or a [[Wikipedia:Seventh-day Adventist Church|Seventh-day Adventist]]. Also, many of Jesus' teachings abolish many of the Leviticus and Deuteronomy laws, such as food by in which Jesus said '''"''It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.''"''' There are a few ultra-fundie Christians who follow some of the old Leviticus laws due to a passage on Matthew, but all of this is irrelevant in the first place since Chris neither reads the Bible or seriously cares about Christianity.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], failure.

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> Although, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex already by [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian churches===
Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons.

[[Angelica]] is a [[Wikipedia:Catholic Church|Roman Catholic]], raised by [[Wikipedia:Nun#Catholic|nuns]]. However, she is still a huge slut without any opposition to premarital sex.

===Judaism===
"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]" reveals that Chris has some awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Other than not being Christian, he probably hates Muslims because he's enough of a dumbass to likely believe all Muslims are terrorists because of 9/11, [[Twin Falling Towers|which he mocked]].

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> When following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate about his thoughts regarding Scientology, he said that while he does not agree with it he does not disapprove of it either.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

===Atheism===
[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> It's even harder for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[troll]]s by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common_Questions#09_January_2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]].

In [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' athiest". The video was removed because it was declared, and rightfully so, hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

Thriller

2011-11-14T13:43:24Z

Daedalus:

'''Thriller''' is the 14th track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song [[Wikipedia:Thriller (song)|Thriller]] by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].

One of Michael Jackson's most famous songs and an iconic track in pop music history, ''Thriller'' makes reference to the themes of classic 1950's horror cinema, and has absolutely nothing to do with cross-dressing. Why Chris included it on an album of [[Tomgirl]]-themed songs is anyone's guess.

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Thriller"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Zh3jPsggKAY}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = [[Tomgirl]]
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[CWCALICIOUS]]
| next =
}}
=== Lyrics ===
''[sung over Michael Jackson's "Thriller"]''

Its close to midnight-night! 
Something evils lurkin in the dark. 
Under-der moon light, you see a sights thats almost stops your heart.

You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it 
''(anticipating start of line)''y-y-you start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes, 
You're paralyzed!

Cause this is thriller! Thriller night! 
No ones gonna save you from the beast about to strike. 
Th-the thriller! Thriller night! 
''(speeds ahead of [[Mike Jackson]])''
You're fightin-fightin for your life inside a killer thriller tonight!

You hear the door-sloor slam 
And realize there’s nowhere left to run. 
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you’ll ever see the sun. 
You close your eyes, and hope that this is just imagination girl! 

But all, all the while, you hear the creature creeping up behind. 
You’re out of time!

Cause this is thriller, thriller night, 
Ain’t no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl, 
Thriller, Thriller night! 
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight! 

C-creatures calling, dead start to walk in their masquerade.(Struggles to pronounce this word) 
There's no escapin’ the jaws of the alien dis time … they’re open wide! 
This is the end of your life. 

‘Bout to get-shit you, [mumbling] on every side. 
They will possess you, unless you change that number on your dial. 
Now this the time, for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah! 
Oh, all through the night, I’ll save you from the terror on the screen. 
I’ll make you see. 

That this is thrillaaa, thriller night 
Cause I can feel your more than any ghosts would ever dare try, 
Thriller! Thriller night! 
Let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller chiller shriller here tonight! 
Cause this is thriller, thriller night! 
Girl I can feel your more than any ghosts would ever dare try, 
Thriller! Thriler night! 
Jackie, let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow! 

Gonna feel you tonight!

''(Vincent Price begins his monologue, Chris misses the start)''
…ness has crossed the land 
The midnight hour is close at hand 
Creatures crawl in search of blooood 
To terrorize ya’lls neighborhood! 
I’m feelyoutonight … 
(Incoherant mumbling, thankfully drowned out by Vincent Price. Sounds like he’s quietly repeating the lines.)

I’m gonna feel you tonight! Oh baby! 
I'm gonna feel tonight! Oh Jackie Baby! 
Thriller night baby! Ooooohh 
Baby, Jackie, baby. Ooh I’m gonna feel you tonight!

[[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Foul stench]] in the air, the funk of forty-thousand years, 
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb, 
Are closing in to seal to your doom. 

[[File:mjscared.jpg|right|thumb|Michael reacts to hearing the leaked song.]]

And though you [[CWCFighter|fight]] to stay alive, your body starts to shiver. 
For no mere mortal can resist; 
The evil of the Thri'''LLAR'''! 
''(Ending laugh cuts off after almost a second)''

[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
{{The Tomgirls}}

George W. Bush

2011-11-12T16:20:37Z

Daedalus: The CWCki is supposed to be informative and funny. This was neither, yo.

{{quote|There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — You can't get fooled again. |George W. Bush}}
{{quote|HE UPLOADED the pics I SENT to him onto the ED page. It was NOT MY FAULT, because he FOOLED ME ONCE, Shame on HIM.|Christian W. Chandler<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2008#September]]</ref>}}

'''George W. Bush''' was the 43rd President of the [[United States]]. He also appears to be [[JERKS#The_list_of_males_Chris_doesn.27t_hate|one of the few men on Earth Chris respects.]] Though Bush was President at the time Chris wrote that list, it is unclear if Chris means that he likes Bush personally, or just whoever happens to hold of the office at any given time.

==Role in the PVCC Crisis of [[2004]]==
{{quote|I got SUSPENDED FROM [[PVCC]] by the Board, and I have that Meddling XXXXX to thank for this as well. I am [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|SUPER ANGRY]]! >8( My [[Bob Chandler|Dad]] is blood-thirsty for revenge as well. He’s going to write to US PRESIDENT, George W. Bush Jr., and Laura Bush, to help me get allowed back to PVCC. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|WE ALL CURSE DEATH]] upon that XXXXX, [[Mary Lee Walsh]]!|Christian's blog, September 16, 2004}}

Surprisingly, President Bush did not intervene on behalf of the Chandlers. The ramifications of this inaction are sure to be debated by Presidential historians for centuries to come.

==Appearance in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==
Despite Bush's refusal to help the Chandlers in 2004, Chris would honor him in [[2008]] by featuring him in the final issue of ''Sonichu'' produced before he left office. In it, Bush is seen tipping over a ladder being used by his eventual successor [[Barack Obama]] as he attempts to paint the White House black. Later in a Mumble chat, Chris stated that he believed that it was not a joke, but a legitimate theory that Obama might actually do such a thing.{{cite}}

==Superfluous use of "Jr."==
Like many other [[English]] mistakes he has made, Chris consistently calls him George W. Bush Jr. The Jr. is not needed, because the lone middle initial distinguishes him from his father [[Wikipedia:George H.W. Bush|George H.W. Bush]]. This may just be a cultural thing, however, as Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] also calls him George Bush Jr.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/reviews/2010/03/green-zone.html]</ref>

==ED edit==
In an ED edit, Chris invoked President Bush in order to fight the slanderous [[trolls]] at [[ED]].

{{quotebox|Dahlings, by order of of President George Bush Junior, there shall be no naughty, grotesque posts of this dahling US citizen.

Any new posts, or deletion of this official message shall be found punishable to the fullest extent of American Law.

From the Secreterial Desk of the White House,

The President, George Bush |Chris, pretending to be George Bush<ref><s>http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997405266&oldid=1997404425</s></ref>}}

Obviously, this had the complete opposite effect of what he had intended.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Barack Obama]]
*[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
*[[Bob Chandler]]

{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

F Abstinance

2011-11-10T07:55:01Z

Daedalus: It's not cool to hate on Bob, guise. Barb, on the other hand...

'''F Abstinance''' [sic] (officially "'''F Abstinance.MOV'''") is a video uploaded on to [[YouTube]] on 28 [[March 2010]]. Chris goes on a tirade about abstinence for no other reason than being an adult [[virgin with rage]].

Similar to his views on the [[friend zone]], he appears to cling viciously to the belief that he is owed sex merely because he exists. This video is also filled with irony, considering his Christian faith, once again proving that Chris knows nothing about [[Chris and religion|Christianity]] - only parroting things he hears and agrees with while ignoring things that give him prickly-wicklies. Its likely that Chris believes the fear of pre-marital sex is the only thing keeping women from having sex with him. Chris also tells everyone to not buy any of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu books]] that [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] has put on the internet because Chris [[Chris and copyright#Sonichu_as_a_copyrightable_work|is not getting paid for any of it.]] While he commands people not to buy any comics he goes on to say that "small things" such as [[Homos|toys]] and backpacks are okay.

Chris later removed this video, most likely at the request of [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|AND Practice Safe Sex with proper Condom or B.C. medication usage. Ask your parents or teachers for more info, or look it up on the internet or library.

Also, the [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] and the Werehog Costumes in [[LittleBiGPlanet]]; the Headdress needs to be TWO PARTS; EARS for HEAD, and SPIKES for HAIR. And the Spines and Tail need to be TWO PARTS; TAIL for WAIST, and Spines for NECK.}}

{{Tardrage}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = F Abstinance.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LDYPVhQ8yeU}}
| stardate = 28 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{CaptainFalconShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant]]
| next = [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]
}}

{{quote|And you can tell 'em that I, Christian Weston Chandler, promotes you to say "FUCK ABSTINENCE!"}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Cwc-abstinence.jpg|thumb|left|What Chris intends to do.]]
[[Image:OBJECTION by TOCDrawings.png|thumb|Another dramatization.]]

[''Chris [[Pedo-Glasses#Dramatic glasses removal|dramatically removes his glasses]] as the video begins.'']

Just a thought that I'd like to share with everybody:

Abstinence, if you're just learning about it, abstinence is nothing but crap. It is a whole fucking bunch of baloney. If eh- if I had the opportunity, I would- if I was in an assembly, I would stand right up in my chair and I would say "FUCK UP- FUCK ABSTINENCE!"

[''Chris thrusts his right index finger in the air for emphasis.'']

Shout it right to the choir. I mean 'cause if you got abstinence, then what- then what do you get? End up being an [[Christian Weston Chandler|adult virgin]], or even worse, a [[Barbara Chandler|senior citizen]] virgin and that is like a hell to most anybody. And you can tell 'em that I, Christian Weston Chandler, [[Chris and English|promotes]] you to say "FUCK ABSTINENCE!"

[''Chris punctuates his shout with another fist-pump, then collects himself and puts on his glasses.'']

Updates are to come on the [[CWCipedia]] soon and do not buy any of the quote unquote books anywhere on the Internet because I have not approved of any such books [[Chris and copyright#Sonichu_as_a_copyrightable_work|and I'm not getting a dim- and I'm not seeing a penny out of that.]] So if there's anything that I'm not seeing a penny out of, eh- books or DVDs, yeah do not buy. Otherwise would like, you know [[Kimmi|dolls]], [[Sex toys|toys]], backpacks wh- that sort of- that sort of small thing, yeah that's fine, that's okay. I'll approve that.

Anyway, everybody else, have a good day.
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant]]|nextlink=[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos with RAGE]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-28]]
[[Category:CWCipedia Saga videos| 2010-03-28]]

User:Daedalus

2011-10-07T22:20:11Z

Daedalus:

Resident newfag obsessed with Chris (no shit)

[[File:Middlefinger2you.JPG]]

{{collapsible|Userboxes|
{{GrammarNazi}}{{Eurofag}}{{JERK}}
}}

User:Daedalus

2011-10-07T21:57:06Z

Daedalus:

Resident newfag obsessed with Chris (no shit)

{{collapsible|Userboxes|
{{GrammarNazi}}{{Eurofag}}{{JERK}}
}}

We're Being Watched

2011-10-07T21:51:02Z

Daedalus: Fixed

'''We're Being Watched''' (officially '''Chris Chan Aeon Flux 100408''') reveals that - by 4 [[October 2008]] - [[Chris]] is thoroughly convinced that all information about him being leaked to the [[Internet]] is being obtained by [[trolls]] who have literally hacked into the computer and webcam of both himself and his [[gal-pals]]. To let his enemies know he is on to them, Chris produces this avant-garde production.

The clip references a popular line from an episode of ''[[Wikipedia:Æon Flux|Æon Flux]]'', in which the title character mockingly states her intentions directly into a security camera, knowing that no one will take her seriously enough to intervene:

<blockquote>“My name is Æon Flux. I'm here on a mission to assassinate Trevor Goodchild. Is everybody listening? Do you believe me? Am I confessing?”</blockquote>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Aeon Flux 100408
| video = {{#ev:youtube|S5XImaPkKRQ}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2008]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Blanca|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_Undressing|Chrischan Undressing]]
| next = [[Chris_Chan_Update_9_October_2008#Video|Chris Chan Update October 9, 2008]]
}}

{{quote|''We're being watched.''}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Aeonfluxclaw.JPG|right|thumb|In response to this disturbing video, Aeon releases her frustration by parodying Chris's [[Claw of fail]]]]
[''speaking off-camera''] ''We're being watched.''

[''walks into the shot and looks directly at the camera'']

My name is Christian Weston Chandler.

I'm here to find happiness with [[Blanca|my true sweetheart]], who I've known for over two months now. So, you trolls best leave us alone!

Is anybody listening? Do you ''belieeeve'' me?

Everybody happy now?!

{{-}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Sex Videos]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan Update 9 October 2008]]|}}

{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2008-10-04]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2008| 04]]
[[Category: Blanca Saga videos| 2008-10-04]]

List of toys

2011-09-27T11:57:41Z

Daedalus:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Quality}}
[[Image:0822-EP12-5P6-4.jpg|thumb|400px|CWC's main use of plastic crap is either decorating his [[room]] with it [[sex toys|or shoving it up his ass]].]]

Chris has accumulated a grand number of '''toys''' over the course of his life, most of which are displayed in [[Chris's room|his room]]; this page lists them. Chris has claimed that he is holding on to them for his [[Reginald Chandler|future]] [[Daughter|children]].<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

==[[Lego]]==

===Alpha Team===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6776-1'' Ogel Control Center
|$50
|}

===City/Town===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7892'' Hospital
|$50
|-
|''6337-1'' Fast Track Finish
|$40
|-
|''6517'' Water Jet
|$3
|-
|''7240-1'' Fire Station
|$30
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$123'''
|}

===Exo-Force===
[[Image:Exo-wallpaper-Humans.jpg|thumb|Exo-Force was created to attract basement dwelling [[anime]] freaks to Lego which made it the perfect theme for Chris ]]
{| class="wikitable"
|''7700'' Stealth Hunter
|$15
|-
|''7701'' Grand Titan
|$15
|-
|''7712-1'' Supernova
|$20
|-
|''7703'' Fire Vulture
|$15
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$65'''
|}

===Make and Create===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4881-1'' Robo Platoon
|$10
|-
|''4097-1'' Mini Robots
|$10
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$20'''
|}

===Ninja===
The Flying Ninja Fortress was a fortress for flying ninjas, not a fortress that flew.
{| class="wikitable"
|''6093'' Flying Ninja Fortress
|$90
|}

===Space===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6949'' Robo-Guardian
|$36
|-
|''6975-1'' Alien Avenger
|$60
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|$96
|}

===Spider-Man===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4856-1'' Doc Ock's Hideout
|$50
|}

===Star Wars===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7146'' Tie Fighters (two purchased)
|$40 ''($20 each)''
|-
|''7106-1'' Droid Escape
|$6
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$46'''
|}

===Western===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6755'' [[jerkop|Sheriff's]] Lock-Up
|$25
|}

===Total===
Assuming recommended retail prices (RRP) the total comes to at least:
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Total'''
|$515
|}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==

===Plush===

Great Eastern Sonic plush

Great Eastern Knuckles plush

===Figures===

Jazwares Tails

ReSaurus Sonic

ReSaurus Knuckles

ReSaurus Tails

ReSaurus Big the Cat

ReSaurus Rose

Toy Island Sonic Space Fighter

Toy Island Dr Eggman

Toy Island Sonic

Toy Island Shadow

==[[Transformers]]==
'''Assuming highest prices.'''

===Transformers Generation One===
[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] (seen in "CWC is Angry"). Note: this is the Japanese reissue edition. Probably $75-$125 from an online retailer.
{| class="wikitable"
|[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]]
|$100 (median)
|}

===Transformers Generation Two===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$30 (at least)
|}
Optimus Prime ($30 at initial retail, probably more if Chris bought it from the secondary market)

===Transformers Beast Wars===
{| class="wikitable"
|Transmetal Optimus Primal
|$20 ($15 and 20)
|}
===Transformers Beast Machines===
{| class="wikitable"
|Scavenger
|$10 ($7 and 10)
|}

===Transformers Armada===
{| class="wikitable"
|Jetfire w/ Comettor
|$30 ($25-30)
|-
|Megatron w/ Leader-1
|$30 ($25-30)
|-
|Optimus Prime w/ Sparkplug
|$50
|-
|Overload w/ Rollout
|$30
|-
|Sideways w/ Rook and Crosswise
|$12 ($10-12)
|-
|Unicron w/ Dead End
|$50
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''212'''
|}

===Transformers Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Evac
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|Cybertron Defense Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Jetfire
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Megatron ($40-50)
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Overhaul
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Override
|$12 ''($10-$12'')
|-
|Primus
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Red Alert
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Scourge
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Sideways
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Soundwave
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Thunderclash
|$8 ''($6-8)''
|-
|Unicron
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Vector Prime
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''323'''
|}

===Transformers (2007 Movie)===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|}

===Transformers Dark of the Moon===

{| class="wikitable"
|[[Slow-in-the-minds|Skids]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|[[Chris and race|Mudflap]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$24'''
|}

===Anniversary Editions===
{| class="wikitable"
|20th Anniversary Optimus Prime
|($30-$75 at retail, depending on when Chris bought it)
|}
===Transformers Alternators===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime (Ford pickup truck
|$25 ''($20-25 at retail)''
|}

===Transformers Heroes of Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Bumblebee
|$5 ''($3-5)''
|}

==Total==
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Optimus Prime '''
|'''$874 (at least)'''
|}

==[[My Little Pony]]==
My Little Pony is popular with little girls and men worldwide. Sadly, not even the poor ponies are exempt from entering Chris' twisted world. In italiacs are their new identities.
{| class="wikitable"
|Cutie Keen Bean
|$10'
|-
|Exclusive Lolligiggle (Educait)
|$20
|-
|Favorite Friends Rarity the Unicorn Pony Figure (Johnlamence -Cyber Warrior-)
|$20
|-
|Cutie Cascade Fairy Dust Pony (Camo-Flage, Mimmbo Boruto and Squall Metal Alchemest)
|$60 ''($20 each, three purchased)''
|-
|Crystal Princess Pretty Patterns Fancy (Ty Game)
|$20
|-
|Dress-Up Daywear Wing Wishes with Toola-Roola & Meadowbrook Pony<ref>(He took Toola-Roola's Antennae and put them on Meadowbrook. Toola-Roola's whereabouts are unknown)</ref>
|$50
|-
|Sweetberry Diva Pose (BoottomBeck)
|$20
|-
|Sweet Breeze Pose (Honeysumerah and Modest Manna)
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|Seaspray Pose (Cheroki-Chan)
|$20
|-
|Beachberry Pose (Linnhadey and Federico)
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$300'''
|}

==[[Power Rangers]]==
{| class="wikitable"
|Wild Force Predazord
|$50
|}

==Grand Total==
And this isn't even counting all the crap we can't see or are unable to catalogue....
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Grand Total'''
|'''$1739
|}

==References==
<references/>

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]

List of toys

2011-09-27T11:56:16Z

Daedalus:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Quality}}
[[Image:0822-EP12-5P6-4.jpg|thumb|400px|CWC's main use of plastic crap is either decorating his [[room]] with it [[sex toys|or shoving it up his ass]].]]

Chris has accumulated a grand number of '''toys''' over the course of his life, most of which are displayed in [[Chris's room|his room]]; this page lists them. Chris has claimed that he is holding on to them for his [[Reginald Chandler|future]] [[Daughter|children]].<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

==[[Lego]]==

===Alpha Team===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6776-1'' Ogel Control Center
|$50
|}

===City/Town===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7892'' Hospital
|$50
|-
|''6337-1'' Fast Track Finish
|$40
|-
|''6517'' Water Jet
|$3
|-
|''7240-1'' Fire Station
|$30
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$123'''
|}

===Exo-Force===
[[Image:Exo-wallpaper-Humans.jpg|thumb|Exo-Force was created to attract basement dwelling [[anime]] freaks to Lego which made it the perfect theme for Chris ]]
{| class="wikitable"
|''7700'' Stealth Hunter
|$15
|-
|''7701'' Grand Titan
|$15
|-
|''7712-1'' Supernova
|$20
|-
|''7703'' Fire Vulture
|$15
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$65'''
|}

===Make and Create===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4881-1'' Robo Platoon
|$10
|-
|''4097-1'' Mini Robots
|$10
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$20'''
|}

===Ninja===
The Flying Ninja Fortress was a fortress for flying ninjas, not a fortress that flew.
{| class="wikitable"
|''6093'' Flying Ninja Fortress
|$90
|}

===Space===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6949'' Robo-Guardian
|$36
|-
|''6975-1'' Alien Avenger
|$60
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|$96
|}

===Spider-Man===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4856-1'' Doc Ock's Hideout
|$50
|}

===Star Wars===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7146'' Tie Fighters (two purchased)
|$40 ''($20 each)''
|-
|''7106-1'' Droid Escape
|$6
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$46'''
|}

===Western===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6755'' [[jerkop|Sheriff's]] Lock-Up
|$25
|}

===Total===
Assuming recommended retail prices (RRP) the total comes to at least:
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Total'''
|$515
|}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==

===Plush===

Great Eastern Sonic plush

Great Eastern Knuckles plush

===Figures===

Jazwares Tails

ReSaurus Sonic

ReSaurus Knuckles

ReSaurus Tails

ReSaurus Big the Cat

ReSaurus Rose

Toy Island Sonic Space Fighter

Toy Island Dr Eggman

Toy Island Sonic

Toy Island Shadow

==[[Transformers]]==
'''Assuming highest prices.'''

===Transformers Generation One===
[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] (seen in "CWC is Angry"). Note: this is the Japanese reissue edition. Probably $75-$125 from an online retailer.
{| class="wikitable"
|[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]]
|$100 (median)
|}

===Transformers Generation Two===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$30 (at least)
|}
Optimus Prime ($30 at initial retail, probably more if Chris bought it from the secondary market)

===Transformers Beast Wars===
{| class="wikitable"
|Transmetal Optimus Primal
|$20 ($15 and 20)
|}
===Transformers Beast Machines===
{| class="wikitable"
|Scavenger
|$10 ($7 and 10)
|}

===Transformers Armada===
{| class="wikitable"
|Jetfire w/ Comettor
|$30 ($25-30)
|-
|Megatron w/ Leader-1
|$30 ($25-30)
|-
|Optimus Prime w/ Sparkplug
|$50
|-
|Overload w/ Rollout
|$30
|-
|Sideways w/ Rook and Crosswise
|$12 ($10-12)
|-
|Unicron w/ Dead End
|$50
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''212'''
|}

===Transformers Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Evac
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|Cybertron Defense Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Jetfire
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Megatron ($40-50)
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Overhaul
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Override
|$12 ''($10-$12'')
|-
|Primus
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Red Alert
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Scourge
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Sideways
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Soundwave
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Thunderclash
|$8 ''($6-8)''
|-
|Unicron
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Vector Prime
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''323'''
|}

===Transformers (2007 Movie)===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|}

===Transformers Dark of the Moon===

{| class="wikitable"
|[[Slow-in-the-minds|Skids]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|[[Chris and race|Mudflap]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$24'''
|}

===Anniversary Editions===
{| class="wikitable"
|20th Anniversary Optimus Prime
|($30-$75 at retail, depending on when Chris bought it)
|}
===Transformers Alternators===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime (Ford pickup truck
|$25 ''($20-25 at retail)''
|}

===Transformers Heroes of Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Bumblebee
|$5 ''($3-5)''
|}

==Total==
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Optimus Prime '''
|'''$874 (at least)'''
|}

==[[My Little Pony]]==
My Little Pony is popular with little girls and men worldwide. Sadly, not even the poor ponies are exempt from entering Chris' twisted world. In italiacs are their new identities.
{| class="wikitable"
|Cutie Keen Bean
|$10'
|-
|Exclusive Lolligiggle (Educait)
|$20
|-
|Favorite Friends Rarity the Unicorn Pony Figure (Johnlamence -Cyber Warrior-)
|$20
|-
|Cutie Cascade Fairy Dust Pony (Camo-Flage, Mimmbo Boruto and Squall Metal Alchemest)
|$60 ''($20 each, three purchased)''
|-
|Crystal Princess Pretty Patterns Fancy (Ty Game)
|$20
|-
|Dress-Up Daywear Wing Wishes with Toola-Roola & Meadowbrook Pony<ref>(He took Toola-Roola's Antennae and put them on Meadowbrook. Toola-Roola's whereabouts are unknown)</ref>
|$50
|-
|Sweetberry Diva Pose (BoottomBeck)
|$20
|-
|Sweet Breeze Pose (Honeysumerah and Modest Manna)
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|Seaspray Pose (Cheroki-Chan)
|$20
|-
|Beachberry Pose (Linnhadey and Federico)
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$300'''
|}

==[[Power Rangers]]==
{| class="wikitable"
|Wild Force Predazord
|$50
|}

==Grand Total==
And this isnt even counting all the crap we can't see or are unable to catalogue....
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Grand Total'''
|'''$1739
|}

==References==
<references/>

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]

Chris in the media

2011-09-26T10:56:07Z

Daedalus:

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Television, newspapers, magazines and, of course, the internet - if Chris can find some way to earn his [[Wikipedia:15 minutes of fame|15 minutes of fame]], he'll do it.

==Traditional Media==
===Richmond Times-Dispatch===

{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to the more well-known "Christian". This is Chris's first known appearance in the media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in 1994 chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===

{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In 1999, Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 at the time, and he was playing Pokémon cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as 8]].

===Nintendo Power Magazine===

{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how [[lie|he used a video game to cure his fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's Animal Crossing video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===Shoujo Beat===

{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an anime-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonely virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

=== WBCN Toucher and Rich ===

{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio ([http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 podcast]) in Boston. The whole media furor was sparked by the [[I Got A Fish]] video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].

=== KROQ The Kevin and Bean Show===

{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts Kevin and Bean. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

=== Web Soup ===

{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's I Got A Fish video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]]. Days later, Chris realizes that ''Web Soup'' is a show devoted to making fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|stupid people]] on the internet like himself.

=== Slylock Fox ===

On 25 September 2011, Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids, a comic strip strip published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image of [[Sonichu]] in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read: "Today's terrific artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9."
It is unknown if Chris submited it himself or if this is the work of [[trolls]].

==Internet Media==

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on the internet has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. [[Christian Weston Chandler]], aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about the Internet made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Bob Chandler|par]][[Barbara Chandler|ents]], sponges off the [[monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Nicolas Cage Wants Cake===
An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesaA Nicolas Cage Wants Cake]", which is a mash up of a scene from the film [[Family Guy|The Family Man]]. This may be the only Youtube video he is featured in that wasn't uploaded by Chris or a troll. It was animated by Harry Partridge.

===Skyrim===
In the animated short "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY Skyrim]" (also by Harry Partridge), a Virgina license plate reading "SONICHU" can be seen in the background during the first scene.

===Atop the Fourth Wall===
Comic reviewer Linkara goes on a brief tirade in his video [http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html Top 15 Things I Will Never Review] about [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is... Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I hadn't heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara}}

Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' because he didn't want to engage in potential drama. At the end of the video, he uses Weird Al's "Do I Creep You Out" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
In one episode of =3, I will end you, Ray made fun of Chris's habit of drinking his cum. Though he never gave Chris's name, (refereeing to him as 'your average star-trek nerd) he did provide a link to Chris's old channel. This is one of the few videos about Chris not made by a troll.

===Webcam Ward===
The [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php last episode] of Something Awful's “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].

===SpliceToday.com===
An [http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler article] posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his kitchen microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}
[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] [http://twitpic.com/s7pfi posted on twitter] an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (and now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

User:Daedalus

2011-09-01T23:48:04Z

Daedalus: Created page with "Resident newfag obsessed with Chris (no shit)"

Resident newfag obsessed with Chris (no shit)