CWCki - User contributions [en]

Cole Smithey

2012-11-30T00:44:16Z

Dan Dash: /* Present */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age 49)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (supposed father) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[true and honest]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole suspected and later confirmed the identity of his father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College in similar fields of study.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs". The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>The Rockin’ Dogs
</ref>

===Present===
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a noted film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in Time Magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to Toy Story 3.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> He occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to [[ego|spend a night drinking with him]], proving that despite one brother being a pretentious hipster douchebag, and the other being an emotionally stunted autistic manchild, they both share the same bloated ego.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/290715508352?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item43affe9e80</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Barbara continued to lie about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]].

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Ironically, Cole actually gets along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb (or at least he used to; it's unclear whether the two are still in regular contact), and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.

Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by trying to talk like a DJ.

Chris visited Cole in California at some point, the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of only two times that he has left [[Virginia]] (the other being [[Ohio trip|his trip to Ohio]] to save [[Julie]]).

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an email asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how [[Chris and his Ego|self-absorbed]] he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris.

===Cole in the comics===
On the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Cole Smithey

2012-11-30T00:43:44Z

Dan Dash: /* Present */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age 49)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (supposed father) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[true and honest]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole suspected and later confirmed the identity of his father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College in similar fields of study.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs". The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>The Rockin’ Dogs
</ref>

===Present===
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a noted film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in Time Magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to Toy Story 3.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> He occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to [[ego|spend a night drinking with him]], proving that despite one brother being a pretentious hipster douchebag, and the other being an emotionally stunted autistic manchild, they both shere the same bloated ego.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/290715508352?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item43affe9e80</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Barbara continued to lie about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]].

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Ironically, Cole actually gets along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb (or at least he used to; it's unclear whether the two are still in regular contact), and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.

Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by trying to talk like a DJ.

Chris visited Cole in California at some point, the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of only two times that he has left [[Virginia]] (the other being [[Ohio trip|his trip to Ohio]] to save [[Julie]]).

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an email asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how [[Chris and his Ego|self-absorbed]] he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris.

===Cole in the comics===
On the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

PS3

2011-12-30T18:15:41Z

Dan Dash: /* Trophies */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Sony playstation 3.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made [[Pixelated PS3|a video]] where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]]. He would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his [[monthly tugboat]], using one of his many collected credit cards. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade.

Chris's replacement '''PS3''' is his second life upgrade. Despite ceremoniously [[The MovingFoward videos|"MovingFoward"]] only a few days before, Chris could not live without his life upgrade, and so reportedly wasted yet more of [[America]]ns' tax dollars replacing it. He was earning new trophies with it by the second week of September 2010. May the frivolous [[PSN]] spending and hacking drama continue.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

Being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN, it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he has even bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$3,430.20''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's perhaps not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}

=== Trophies ===
According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 28 [[December 2011]], Chris has 2,357 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future]] - Episode 1: It's About Time''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|69
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
|''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
|21
|100%
|
|-
|''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
|12
|100%
|[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
|''Sonic the Hedgehog''
|12
|100%
|Of course.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
|Furries galore.
|-
|''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
|''Sly Minigames''
|8
|100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
|15
|100%
|Grating dialogue on par with the Sonichu comics.
|-
|''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|58
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made [[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]].
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
|14
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
|15
|100%
|
|-
|''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
|14
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
|''The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4|Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Not unexpected.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain''
| 10
| 100%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently, just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!!!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with the likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
| A pretentious wagglefest that only Chris could take seriously. Several scenes of nudity: male and female.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
|35
|77%
|Guitar Hero for the preteen girl demographic.
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
|43
|72%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
|7
|71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|''NUMBLAST'' is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
|36
|62%
|Sonic Kart couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to Modnation.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
|31
|58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Possibly homosexual? Must remember to investigate further."
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously?
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|TgE0By-LYMQ}}</center>

{{quote|So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but fortunately this did not go to plan and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive, but it's more likely that Chris [[Autism|wasn't even listening]] to the things the representative was saying, being more concerned with being able to use his life upgrade again as soon as possible. This dubious series of events was disputed by CWC experts, who suspect that Chris may not have been his [[List of Chris's lies|TRUE and HONEST self]]. However, his PSN account activity suggested he had indeed deleted fucking everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]
On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the MovingFoward videos, where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]
By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "compact" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]
It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PS Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo|Nintendo's]] [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

== PlayStation Plus ==
Sony started a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play free rentals of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2, games that he has bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://us.playstation.com/publictrophy/index.htm?onlinename=Sonichu Chris' PSN, filled with useless trophies.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

The GAMe PLACe

2011-12-29T00:03:02Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris gets the boot */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:The-Game-Place.jpg|thumb|The GAMe PLACe]]
[[Image:GamePlace2.jpg|thumb|Another angle, revealing The GAMe PLACe to be adjacent to a Staples store.]]
[[Image:HNI_0020.JPG|thumb|The inside of the PLACe as of 27 October 2011.]]
{{Quote|I also hope that the Game and Hobby Place in Charlottesville... BURNS TO THE GROUND! ALONG WITH MICHAEL SNYDER!|Chris<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]</ref>}}
'''The GAMe PLACe''' is a comic book, game, card, toy, and hobby shop in [[Charlottesville]]. For several years, up until the summer of [[2008]], Chris hung out there on a regular basis, going there every Friday without fail to play the ''[[Pokémon]]'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' [[card games]]. The shop hosts the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon_Organized_Play#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG_Leagues|''Pokémon TCG'' League]], where Chris served as a self-proclaimed volunteer gym leader (though he was not endorsed in any way, and was largely simply tolerated by the store). The store has since been renamed '''Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys'''.

After a long period of scaring off customers and being a confrontational douche, Chris was permanently kicked out of the store by one of the [[manager]]s, [[Michael Snyder]], on 28 [[August 2008]]. Since then, Chris has attempted several times to regain access to the store, to no avail thanks to Michael's insistence.

==People of note==
Chris originally met [[Megan Schroeder]] at The GAMe PLACe in [[2005]], where they bonded over their shared interest in ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' Megan continued to hang out at the shop even after her friendship with Chris [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|collapsed]] in the spring of [[2008]], although their relationship by that point was strained to say the least. Once she broke off all contact with Chris, she did her best to ignore him entirely when they were at the store at the same time.

The other two best-known patrons of the shop, aside from Chris himself, are [[Daniel Mimms]] and [[Lucas]]. The two friends are the primary source of most of what is known about Chris's behavior at The GAMe PLACe (and most of the information in this article), which they revealed during a detailed [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] on the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC forums]]. They're also famous for having taken and uploaded the first photograph of Chris to reach the Internet, which Mimms snapped and Lucas uploaded to [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] in the fall of [[2007]].

[[Michael Snyder]], one of the store's managers (he isn't the owner, though he's sometimes mistakenly described as such) would eventually become one of Chris's real-life nemeses when he kicked Chris out of the store in the summer of 2008.<ref name=ban>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Chris.27s_ban_from_the_store|Mimms' and Lucas' Q&A: Chris's ban from the store.]]</ref>

==Chris's attitude at The GAMe PLACe==
{{quote|Chris would rarely ever shake anyone's hand after a game, and when he did, he quickly followed up with hand sanitizer.|[[Mimms]]}}

[[Image:Sonichupunch.jpg|thumb|left|Chris acting his age.]]
[[Image:TonyTyAndBriana.jpg|thumb|Some regulars.]]

In his early days at The GAMe PLACe, Chris's behavior seems to have been more "childlike", for lack of a better word. According to Mimms, who was a regular at the store for the entire time Chris hung out there, Chris avoided using foul language when he first started gaming at the store.<ref name=homo>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Racism_and_homophobia|Mimms and Lucas Q&A: Racism and Homophobia]]</ref> He also never failed to show up for ''Pokémon'' games in his old [[Chris and cosplaying|Ash Ketchum costume]].

The costume was eventually retired, however (by the time of the 2007 photo, Chris was showing up in his usual colorful clown shirts and sporting the [[Sonichu medallion]]), and Chris's behavior grew more aggressive and vulgar over the years. According to Mimms and Lucas, Chris often became angry at his card-game opponents, even small children. An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_pissed_that_Chris_is_nosing_in_her_business|October 2007 e-mail]] from Megan mentions an incident where Chris was extremely threatening and insulting to a guy whom he thought was putting the moves on his gal-pal.

Mimms recounted a few instances of Chris displaying his dislike and distrust of black people. He was openly suspicious of the young black kids he played ''Pokémon'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' with, apparently because he thought they were going to make off with his cards.<ref name=mimms1>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Initial_post|Mimms & Lucas Q&A: Initial Post]]</ref> Chris also nearly managed to earn himself a beating from an older black gamer by the name of TJ:

{{quote|Chris yells at him, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" and TJ stands up like he's going to beat his ass. Chris shrinks back and and says "I mean your face-down monster..."|Mimms, [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]}}

Likewise, Chris's homophobia occasionally surfaced while he was hanging out at the shop. A [[gay]] regular at the shop by the name of Eric was the target of mockery and threats from Chris (although Mimms noted that, for obvious reasons, Chris wasn't likely to ever do him any great physical harm).<ref name=homo/> Chris also assumed that two of the shop's regulars were gay because they happened to exchange a few jokingly romantic remarks — his literal mind took that as proof that they were a couple.<ref name=homo/>

==Chris the [[card games|TCG]] gamer==
[[Image:409-CWCWeekP3.jpg|thumb|Chris stares down his youthful opponent.]]

{{quote|Chris was pretty awful at all the games he played.|Mimms, summing up Chris.<ref name=mimms2>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Follow_up|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref>}}
Though he apparently spent plenty of money buying new cards at the store<ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Chris_as_a_customer|Mimms and Lucas Q&A: Chris as a Customer]]</ref> and built them into a sizable collection of themed decks, Chris didn't have any aptitude for deck-building or strategy in the ''Pokémon'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' trading card games. Even when playing against small children, he rarely won games or advanced in tournaments, although Mimms recounts one occasion where Chris managed to win a match on a day when most of the regular players were absent, and proudly hollered "I'M THE LEVEL-UP KING!"<ref name=mimms2/>

Chris often declares that he was a gym leader in the store's ''Pokémon'' league (an older player who manages tournaments, keeps track of wins and losses, and so forth). It's mentioned on his [[Chris's resume|resume]], for instance, and he talks about it in the [[Father Call]]. However, his memory has apparently inflated his role considerably. "He wasn't actually a gym leader," says Mimms, but rather a substitute who took the place of the regular gym leader on a few occasions. He also wasn't very good at the job, reportedly becoming angry and snapping at the players he was supposed to be taking care of.<ref name=mimms2/> This earned him his first ban from the store, lasting two weeks, which, according to Lucas, began on 4 April 2008.<ref name=ban/>

To Chris's very slight credit, Mimms says he did resist using his custom ''Pokémon'' and ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' cards in actual games.<ref name=mimms1/> Mimms and Lucas also noted that he played the [[Card games#UFS_(Ultimate_Fighting_System)_TCG|''Universal Fighting System'' card game]], often playing female characters such as Cassandra from the ''[[Soul Calibur]]'' series and [[CWC Fighter|Chun-Li]].

==The GAMe PLACe photograph==
[[Image:Chrischannov2007.jpg|thumb|right|Blurry because [[Mimms]] was trying to be covert.]]

In the fall of 2007, Chris discovered the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page devoted to him. There, he also discovered a blurry photograph of himself, which had been taken and posted to 4chan by Mimms and Lucas respectively.

Though he'd already pretty thoroughly blown a gasket over the ED page, Chris went even crazier trying to discover the identity of the photographer. In an e-mail to [[Anna McLerran]] from [[November 2007]], he mentions pestering the staff of The GAMe PLACe to go through their anti-theft camera footage to find out who had taken the photo.<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2007#November|Chris E-mails: November 2007]]</ref> Unsurprisingly, they weren't very cooperative. According to Mimms, Chris complained about the photo and the ED page so loudly and frequently at the store that the management eventually threatened to kick him out if he didn't stop.

Chris also complained to his mother, who apparently became as angry or more so. At one point, early in November, Chris's parents visited the store and interrogated Mimms as to the origin of the photo. After Mimms admitted that he had snapped the picture (but feigned ignorance as to how it found its way onto the Internet), they threatened to take legal action, but never actually did so.<ref name=mimms2/>

Chris's "investigations" continued on and off for months after he originally found the picture. In an e-mail to Megan (sent in [[March 2008]] and oddly situated in-between desperate apologies for the porn he drew of her), he recounts an indirect confrontation with Lucas at [[GameStop]] on 8 March.

{{quote|So it brought up to mind my first word being "Monkey", so I told Mimms that. And with a turn around towards the accompanying Lucas, I said in his direction, "Well, that's something new you didn't know about 'be-4' about this 'Chan'." I noticed a look on his face like, "Wow, I can totally wail on that tidbit of information." He said nothing.|Chris's idea of subtlety, from the [[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_emails_her_some_detective_work.2C_Megan_likely_doesn.27t_give_a_shit|Megan e-mails]].}}

Later, Lucas gave his own interesting take on the story.

{{quote|The funniest part about that is that I have no recollection of him saying that to me whatsoever. I had no idea I was even a suspect until I saw that e-mail.|Lucas, [[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q%26A#Trolling_Chris_at_the_Game_Place|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]}}

==Chris gets the boot==
Chris's behavior offended the store's management in a number of ways. Aside from punting his gym leader duties, scaring the small children he played card games with, picking fights with other players, and generally being a racist and homophobic creep, he would truck his video game consoles into The GAMe PLACe and take over the shop's flat-screen TV for considerable amounts of time, loudly sing along to [[Britney Spears]] during games, bitch fits inspired by his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] in public, and so on.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref>

The trigger for his permanent ban in [[August 2008]] was a shouting match with a young black kid. That particular incident was merely the straw that broke the camel's back, though "Mike was looking for any reason to ban him at this point," says Mimms.<ref name=mimms1/>

Predictably, Chris did his best to resist getting kicked out of the store. He brought his parents in to argue his case with Michael Snyder, to which Michael responded by calling the [[police]]. Despite a fierce response from [[Barbara Chandler]], Chris and his family failed to move either Michael or the cops, and every indication is that Chris will never be allowed back into the store.<ref name=mimms1/>

In the [[Jackie e-mails]], Chris offers his own chronology and version of events. There, he claims that he was thrown out of the store much earlier than Mimms indicates, in June 2008. The so-called "Wii Incident", according to Chris, was when Michael Snyder forced Chris to stop bogarting the TV for his Wii. Doing this apparently caused a number of children to miss out on obtaining a few trade-only evolution Pokémon. Chris got angry and wrote a letter, sign, or simply scrawled a note on the side of a card box stating "Michael Snyder Loves the "F" out of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]." This, Chris claimed, was Michael's last straw and he booted him then.

According to the [[CWCipedia]] article for [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megan_Schroeder Megan Schroeder], Chris claims that Megan was there the day he was banned and claimed that she just stood there in shock, refusing to speak up for him. In reality, of course, she was simply disgusted by his behavior like any rational person would have been and relieved that his being kicked out of the store would be the last time Chris would ever be in her sight.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megan_Schroeder</ref> Also, she refused to defend Chris not because of shock, but because of his sexual harassment, [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|destruction of her dignity]], anger issues, and overall immaturity, ultimately cementing the fact that nobody wants Chris to ever return to the store.

In February 2011, Chris released the [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|third part of his Autism Tutorial]], in which he shared that he still feels bitter over his banning. In his words: "And I also hope that the Game and Hobby Place in Charlottesville... burns to the ground! Along with Michael Snyder!"

==Unbanning attempts==
[[Image:Episode200Comment.PNG|thumb|Chris recounts flipping Michael Snyder the bird.]]

Chris has repeatedly attempted to overcome his ban and gain readmission to the store. As mentioned in [[Chris_E-mails_2008#July|a July 2008 e-mail]], Chris sent a letter to Michael Snyder shortly after his initial one-month ban. In [[March 2009]], he attempted to apologize in the best way he knew how: [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|posting a video to YouTube on the off-chance the individual addressed would see it.]] This was [[Chris and remorse|not the most sincere apology in the world]], since Chris made it clear in a [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|later video]] that he doesn't really understand why he was thrown out in the first place. A month later, in [[April 2009]], Chris attempted to sneak into the store, but when a cashier recognized him and caught him, Chris ran.

Almost two years after his initial ban from The GAMe PLACe Chris would try again to get the ban lifted. Chris's conversations with Jackie reveal that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church on 11 [[April 2010]]. When he was once again recognized by a cashier who threatened to call the cops, Chris got angry and bolted. The next day, Chris visited the store again to talk to Michael Snyder in an attempt to have the ban removed. However, the visit did not turn out in Chris's favor, as [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|the audio from the incident]] shows. Michael refused to revoke the ban (later noting on YouTube, that Chris was actually reading the apology from a pre-written script<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comment by Mike.]</ref>) and Chris took this about as well as could be expected; he flipped Michael off,<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWq4pB_Vikw YouTube comment by Chris.]</ref> yelled "JEW!" at him, and left the store in a huff. [[Chris and the law|The police were called]] about the incident, according to Mimms, but Chris was already long gone by the time they arrived. No charges were pressed, likely because nobody was actually harmed.

Later that day, Chris uploaded the audio of the incident to [[YouTube]], accompanied by a description soliciting harassment and "trolling" of Michael and his fellow employees. However, it was removed from the site in a matter of hours due to a "Terms of Use Violation". Considering [[Chris and race|Chris's antisemitic remark]] directed at Michael, his invitation for others to harass him, and the possibly illegal nature of the recording, it's easy to see why it was pulled.

Chris has never fully understood why he was kicked out of the store. According to Mimms, Chris didn't see what was wrong with his behavior at the time,<ref name=ban/> and he evidently hasn't reflected on the subject much in the intervening years. During the April 2010 visit to the store, the only possible grounds for his ban he could remember was the aforementioned "Wii Incident". Later, when he posted an ad on CWCipedia complaining about Snyder's refusal to lift the ban, Chris appeared to believe that the store manager refused to let him in because he hated him personally and [[Kick the Autistic|people with autism in general]].

In [[October 2010]], Chris made [[100 2261.MOV|yet another request]] to be readmitted. Wearing an ancient ''Pokémon'' League T-shirt, he apologized for his behavior and said that the ban was his fault, blaming the whole thing on his infamous "[[stress]]". He also claimed to have only "shouted a loud outburst" twice. Mike was unmoved.

With Chris's continued failure to overturn the ban, it is clear that his chances of winning entry to The GAMe PLACe are almost as remote as the chances of his [[duck]] winning entry to [[China]].

==The Charlottesville Incident==
[[File:Sny.PNG|thumb|300px|Sonichu wishes Chris luck in his next murder attempt.]]
On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris visited The GAMe PLACe. [[6 June 2010|He claimed]] that he wanted to take a photograph of Snyder to use as a dartboard, but when Snyder saw him with his camera outside, he chased Chris. Chris claimed that he tried to drive away, but was accosted by Snyder, a woman he didn't recognize, and the police. Snyder's version was more succinct:

{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by [[jerkop|the police]]. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his [[car]]. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.}}

The police listened to Chris rant about the trolls for a while and eventually made him delete the pictures and sent him home with a warning. Chris did not tell his parents anything and it would be [[Matthew Noble call|two months]] before they would learn about it.

==Crime story==
{{main|28 October 2011}}
On 28 October 2011, Chris and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] got arrested and ended up facing multiple charges; hit-and-run, (both) misdemeanor assault, (Chris) attacking a law official (Barb) and trespassing (Chris). Going by the details of said charges, as well as recent photographs uploaded [[CWCki|on-site]] by Chris himself, it can be assumed that the two tried to enter the store, Chris got in a fight with Michael, the two tried and failed to escape the parking lot before the police arrived, damaging something in the process, and when the cops showed up Barb tried to stop them from arresting Chris.

==Chris's parents and The GAMe PLACe==
A [[Matthew Noble call|phone conversation]] recorded in early [[August 2010]] reveals many more details about the odd attitude that Bob and Barb Chandler hold towards The GAMe PLACe. During the discussion, they evidence a total ignorance of how Chris behaved at the store and why he was banned. Barb shows signs of still holding a grudge over her visit to the store after Chris's final ban, while Bob suggests that he believes that the trolling of Chris somehow originates from a conspiracy at the store.

{{quote|Mike and Megan are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people — kids there that I think were gay — to persecute and torment Christian for years.|Bob Chandler, on the GAMe PLACe conspiracy.}}

Bob does not explain why Mike, Megan, and the "gay kids" (likely a reference to Eric and Tito<ref>Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Racism and homophobia</ref>) would create this grand conspiracy against Chris, but he goes as far as to accuse them of fraudulently obtaining access to Chris's credit cards and bank accounts. [[Best Buy|Data]] uncovered a month later shows that Chris wasted shit tons of money on PlayStation Network cards and games he won't play in the future, resulting in further debt and an excuse to blame Snyder and the trolls for stealing his credit cards.
==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.cvilleshobbiesgamesandtoys.com/ Current website]
*[http://www.thegameplace.com/ Old website]

{{Places}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Game Place}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Family Guy

2011-11-08T20:22:05Z

Dan Dash: /* American Dad! */

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris's favorite ''Family Guy'' character, [[Pedofork|Herbert]]. ''Get your fat ass back here!'']]

'''''Family Guy''''' is a shitty animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] rips it off so much in his comics, much like the show rips off everything else.

The series is also the "inspiration" for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]. Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his "skitch" in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, poorly drawn, boring shit on his own.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least "borrowing") themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

The specific scene which Chris referenced depicted [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quoting [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being twofold; Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible hypocritical, and, as pointed out by [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]], he is too infantile to properly consider Biblical scripture, a dig at ''precisely'' the sort of brainless Bible-thumping Chris exhibits. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

It is notable that [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] holds almost the complete opposite beliefs to Chris — he is [[Wikipedia:Liberalism (United States)|liberal]], [[Wikipedia:Atheism|atheist]], supports gay marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing MacFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.
{{quote|"Why is it that Johnny Spaghetti Stain in fucking Georgia can knock a woman up, legally be married to her, and then beat the shit out of her, but these two intelligent, sophisticated writers who have been together for 20 years can't get married?"|Seth MacFarlane, supporting gay rights }}
Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears]]</ref> When he's angry — in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] — Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].

==Similarities with ''Family Guy''==
[[Image:Peter Weston Griffen.JPG|thumb|The impostor!]]

While very likely unintentional, since it is highly doubtful that Seth MacFarlane knows of Chris's existence, there are a few instances of similarity from Chris's work with ''Family Guy''.

The first few minutes of "[[Wikipedia:Road to Germany|Road to Germany]]", when Mort Goldman looks desperately for a bathroom, only to accidentally go into Stewie's new time machine, is strikingly similar to the ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' skitch.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchuComic8P5.htm ''Ghostbusters'' "skitch"]</ref>

Likewise, many trolls noticed how uncanny Peter Griffin in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Three Kings (Family Guy)|Three Kings]]" was wearing a shirt very similar to one of Chris's [[Chris and fashion|trademark shirts]]. However, the shirt was originally featured in the [[1986]] film, [[Wikipedia:Stand by Me (film)|''Stand by Me'']], on which this segment of "Three Kings" was based.<ref>[http://www.breakfastclubquotes.com/images/StandByMe1.jpg TCM advert for ''Stand by Me'']</ref>

In the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Goy|Family Goy]]", Peter falls in love with a cardboard cutout of [[Kimmi|Kathy Ireland]] and later [[Sex tape|has sex with said cutout]].

"[[Wikipedia:Peter's Daughter|Peter's Daughter]]" features a plot centered around the characters making a conscious effort to treat Meg better (a point of contention Chris has always had with the series). This seems mostly coincidence, except for a sequence where Peter performs as a male stripper dressed like a police officer. His stripper name? ... "[[Officer Nasty]]".

==Controversy==
A majority of the show is based off its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. The jokes would fly right over any kid's head, yet Chris believes that kids would find the show so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, most of which are lewd.

==Chris and Meg==
{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|The depths of Chris's mind. Notice that Meg is the dominant one.]]

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his comics (see [[:Image:Chrischantraced2.jpg|here]]).

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

It is unknown what his opinion of Meg is following all the "nasty-ass" sex she had with the [[niggo]] Jerome in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Jerome Is the New Black|Jerome Is the New Black]]".

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris went and inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him. However, he revealed this to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, though to what purpose remains to be seen.

==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give [[Meg Griffin|Megan]] more respect, because she IS VERY BEATIFUL in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==''American Dad!''==
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley.": [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]]. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of marijuana jokes or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

==''The Cleveland Show''==
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, a recent episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100_2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to Jackie's chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat VIII]]</ref>

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the plot he posted on the CWCipedia.

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

At no point does Chris suggest anything that could possibly lead into a joke. Even if you don't like the show, you've got to admit that it's funnier than what he suggests.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos|homosexuality]] and his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]]. Also, the tower incident that [[Chris]] is referring to takes place in the movie Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. However, Chris is wrong about it causing Stewie to be straight. This is because it is pretty obviously hinted in this movie that he is gay, as he is a virgin at 30, still shows very flamboyant tendencies and is very reluctant to have sex with a woman.

Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

{{quotebox|Family Guy
-Megan does not deserve the abuse she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!

-Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up Straight.

-Chris finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of Season 6, Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in Season 7?

-While I can see Brain looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?

-In "Road to Multiverse", in the "Robot Chicken" Universe, Stewie asks Seth Greene through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my PS3, the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some.

American Dad
-There should be More Stories starring Haley.

The Cleveland Show
-I do not care for all the dick jokes. }}

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}

* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with Peter Griffin.
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Tomgirl Pictures

2011-08-07T00:56:39Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris's outfit */

{{Honest}}
{{quote|My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

One day, [[Chris]] decided to cross-dress. Then take pictures of it. Then go out in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public]] and take pictures of it. The pictures were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito]] on 28 [[April 2011]]. According to Tito, this bizarre new stunt was apparently Chris's extremely [[autism|overboard reaction]] to someone advising him to get in touch with his [[gay|feminine side]].

[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px]]

==History==
Chris has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[Muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> The most complete list of Chris's feminine traits can be seen [[Homos#Why Chris appears to be gay|here]].
[[File:TG1.png|center|300px]]

==Chris's outfit==
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|right|Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]
While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and women panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref>

== Gallery of Chris-tran ==
Several of these images are reversed left-to-right, possibly because Chris took them with the front camera on his [[Nintendo|DSi or 3DS]] (Which, like most front-facing cameras, flips the image so that the picture matches what the user sees on the screen, as though the user were looking into a mirror). It should also be noted that picture taking occurred in at least three different places. Pictures [[:File:TG3.jpg|TG3]] and [[:File:TG4.jpg|TG4]] are taken on the Downtown Walking Mall. [[:File:TG12.jpg|TG12]] and [[:File:TG19.jpg|TG19]] are taken at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] and the rest taken in his [[14_Branchland_Court|home]].

<center>{{Collapsible|Chris-tran|<gallery>
File:TG2.jpg|Tomgirl car in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:TG3.jpg|Chris previously drew on the [[Charlottesville]] Free Speech Wall in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]].
File:TG4.jpg
File:TG5.jpg|Chris matched the color of his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] with his new pair of sandals.
File:TG6.jpg
File:TG7.jpg|Left ear buccaneer, right ear [[Homos|queer]].
File:TG8.jpg|Not the first time that Chris has covered his face in [[pickle]]s and [[Semen|white goo.]] Also, he's using the [[Plush Breasts]] as a pillow.
File:TG9.jpg|You just know this picture will be used in the paper when Chris finally kills [[Michael Snyder|someone]].
File:TG10.jpg|Not even white knights can say anything to defend this...
File:TG11.jpg
File:TG12.jpg
File:TG13.jpg|DAT ASS
File:TG14.jpg
File:TG15.jpg|[[Barbara|Barb 2.0]]
File:TG16.jpg
File:TG17.jpg|He made himself into a sweetheart from the ground-up.
File:TG18.jpg|GOODBYE HORSES
File:TG19.jpg
File:TG20.jpg|The PlayStation Move SharpShooter doesn't make the look any manlier.
File:TG21.jpg
File:TG22.jpg
File:TG23.jpg
File:TG24.jpg|Note the [[Medallions_of_Fail#The_Asperchu_Medallion_.28a.k.a._The_Medallion_of_Win.3F.29|Asperchu Medallion]] at top right.
File:TG25.jpg
File:TG26.jpg
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, with Tomgirl earrings
</gallery>}}
</center>

== Fan Works ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fan Works|<gallery>
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:Tomgirl cwc and lovely weather.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Tomgirl Pictures

2011-08-07T00:55:53Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris's outfit */

{{Honest}}
{{quote|My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

One day, [[Chris]] decided to cross-dress. Then take pictures of it. Then go out in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public]] and take pictures of it. The pictures were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito]] on 28 [[April 2011]]. According to Tito, this bizarre new stunt was apparently Chris's extremely [[autism|overboard reaction]] to someone advising him to get in touch with his [[gay|feminine side]].

[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px]]

==History==
Chris has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[Muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> The most complete list of Chris's feminine traits can be seen [[Homos#Why Chris appears to be gay|here]].
[[File:TG1.png|center|300px]]

==Chris's outfit==
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|right|[[Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]
While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and women panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref>

== Gallery of Chris-tran ==
Several of these images are reversed left-to-right, possibly because Chris took them with the front camera on his [[Nintendo|DSi or 3DS]] (Which, like most front-facing cameras, flips the image so that the picture matches what the user sees on the screen, as though the user were looking into a mirror). It should also be noted that picture taking occurred in at least three different places. Pictures [[:File:TG3.jpg|TG3]] and [[:File:TG4.jpg|TG4]] are taken on the Downtown Walking Mall. [[:File:TG12.jpg|TG12]] and [[:File:TG19.jpg|TG19]] are taken at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] and the rest taken in his [[14_Branchland_Court|home]].

<center>{{Collapsible|Chris-tran|<gallery>
File:TG2.jpg|Tomgirl car in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:TG3.jpg|Chris previously drew on the [[Charlottesville]] Free Speech Wall in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]].
File:TG4.jpg
File:TG5.jpg|Chris matched the color of his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] with his new pair of sandals.
File:TG6.jpg
File:TG7.jpg|Left ear buccaneer, right ear [[Homos|queer]].
File:TG8.jpg|Not the first time that Chris has covered his face in [[pickle]]s and [[Semen|white goo.]] Also, he's using the [[Plush Breasts]] as a pillow.
File:TG9.jpg|You just know this picture will be used in the paper when Chris finally kills [[Michael Snyder|someone]].
File:TG10.jpg|Not even white knights can say anything to defend this...
File:TG11.jpg
File:TG12.jpg
File:TG13.jpg|DAT ASS
File:TG14.jpg
File:TG15.jpg|[[Barbara|Barb 2.0]]
File:TG16.jpg
File:TG17.jpg|He made himself into a sweetheart from the ground-up.
File:TG18.jpg|GOODBYE HORSES
File:TG19.jpg
File:TG20.jpg|The PlayStation Move SharpShooter doesn't make the look any manlier.
File:TG21.jpg
File:TG22.jpg
File:TG23.jpg
File:TG24.jpg|Note the [[Medallions_of_Fail#The_Asperchu_Medallion_.28a.k.a._The_Medallion_of_Win.3F.29|Asperchu Medallion]] at top right.
File:TG25.jpg
File:TG26.jpg
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, with Tomgirl earrings
</gallery>}}
</center>

== Fan Works ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fan Works|<gallery>
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:Tomgirl cwc and lovely weather.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Asperchu/Background

2011-04-01T19:32:06Z

Dan Dash: /* Other characters */

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|fsKD1-cGzPc}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of rejection, tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic bizzaro [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris on Asperchu, [[Mailbag 24]]}}

{{Protip|The Asperpedia no longer exists— for the latest ''Asperchu'' pages, go to [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ asperchu.thecomicseries.com]}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''Asperchu''''' (full title: ''The Amazing Asperchu''; also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here], its homepage is [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike the Sonichu comics, where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as his paper and pencil drawn pages. The creator of this delightful series sometimes forgets to upload a page or two in chronological order, but this is due to his Asperger syndrome affecting his memory.

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing mental blocks of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late 2003 and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on YouTube videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox]] 360 or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends Normandale Community College with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a Love Quest to obtain a gal-pal who he can build into a sweetheart from the ground up. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created Sonichu in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by Bionic the Hedgehog.

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "Rocky", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious MIPS.

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was GodJesus's next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the ego, narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naive]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, He would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

Sonichu shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the Troll Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a late night snuggling rendezvous. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of the state of Virginia, on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of Asperger's Syndrome as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in 1999 by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike Bionic. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over CWCVille, Sonichu was forced to be married off to Rosechu, only for him and the rest of the Chaotic Combo to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the 4-Cent_Garbage Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's heterochromia styling, his cholesterol level skyrocketing and wanting to play the PS3 for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual Sonic the Hedgehog-like character fighting an evil madman named CWC-Botnik.

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include Guido, Nazi Commander, 2Pac and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby_(character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's black best friend who is black. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his Love Quest, although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward gal-pals, while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of Christmas, Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode, as well as two cameos in Isabel Monday's comic ''[[Fan:Capering Berries|Capering Berries]]''.
===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' Ten claims that they have always been friends.
==Villains==

===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

Ian believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a fat, insane manchild. Ian rules CWCville through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to Mayorshack Tito's takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In 1999, Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by Giovanni, Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his gal-pals Ivy and Megan before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandons Bionic and, 10 weeks later, gives birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, leaves his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandons Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in other stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]).

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; he and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash/Clyde Cash
Dino Dash (called Clyde Cash in later issues) is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure. She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [[http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob|Little Jacob]]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again. The avatars are Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperchu, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Megan and Lovely Weather.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperence
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Talk:Bob Chandler

2011-03-29T22:57:51Z

Dan Dash:

==To do==
*<strike>Picture of Bob</strike>
**Bob looks like fucking Jigsaw. Scary. [[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 18:34, 7 February 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's relationship with Bob, in Chris's own words
*add some background to Bob's history. He goes on about himself in the date audio, and he's a pretty interesting guy, like he saw the first plastic Coke bottles shipped off from the assembly line, and he was in the Signal Corps and all sorts of other interesting stuff. We need some of that in here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:06, 26 March 2009 (CET)

(Quick question - whats the date audio? Thanks!)
*...the audio of Chris's date with [[Emily]]. As seen available on the [[The Miscreants]] website. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:31, 17 April 2009 (CEST)

Should I mention he just got sent to the hospital in the health section with congestive heart failure? [[Shawths|Shawths]]

==Great job!==

Seriously, this article is terrific now. I'm surprised how far it's come. Good work to all those involved. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:11, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

: Still need more on video games and raising Chris. The section on Chris should be the biggest in this article. Will wait for others to finish transcribing because I can't make out Bob's quiet voice in church & Emily. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:24, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

== Bob's birthday ==

Why did everyone think it was Feb. 9th instead of Sept. 4? Does Chris not know when his father's birthday is? [[User:Sauerkraut131|Sauerkraut131]] 04:41, 27 June 2009 (CEST)
*No, it's just hard to tell from the Family Tree poster since it's in microscopic print. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:27, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

==Radio Station Gig==
According to some of the recordings via Yahoo Messenger, didn't Bob worked at a radio station at one time? [[User:Decoy Octillery|Decoy Octillery]] 21:01, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

==i suck==

Hi, first time editor, long time lurker. I called CWC's house today, hoping to talk to him, but I got Bob instead. Those other people exaggerated about Bob's bravado in their callfail video, Bob isn't much of an opponent if you don't let him get a word in, he just seems to stammer a lot. Of note, he recognized my Texas area code (432) and said he was from Texas, and that he knew some KKK people who he said he would send over to my house if I didn't stop calling. Unfortunately it's lost to time because I can't record from my cellphone and maintain a decent quality. I called him in the morning, when he woke up I honestly thought it was Chris. Anyways, I suck at this shit, I'm gonna just lurk and wtach from now on. I don't have what it takes to be a troll. Thanks for the interesting page, and sorry I don't have any audio to give you guys. [[User:ColossalFail|ColossalFail]] 19:35, 28 November 2009 (CET)

==Hey... ==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k]

My friend sent me this video earlier today. It has to do with someone prank calling Bob to get more info out of him involving his current life. Is there anything in it we could possibly use for this article? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 16:41, 20 February 2010 (EST)

*Is stuff like this now subject to the new CWCki privacy laws? Or are we good with all that?-[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 19:54, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

==Congestive heart failure==

<center>{{Not_A_Forum}}</center>

Damn. We all knew this was coming eventually, but still.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

: We haven't confirmed it was actually Chris yet--I'm personally at 60-40 Chris, the writing style seems off(the Random Capitalization is unusual) but his posting pattern makes sense. Chris only seems to use Twitter when the CWCipedia has dicks on it and I doubt that he's checked recently.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*The Twitter is his, he's written in the [[CWC Blog]] about it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** I don't see it on the CWCipedia updates.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:***It would explain his lack of presence for the last few days.
: Huh, I don't see that tweet on [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu his Twitter account]. Did he delete it, or am I just missing it somehow? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 04:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* No, it's there. It starts with "Captain's Log Stardate March 1st"--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:13, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** Oh, now I see it. Thanks! *[[slow-in-the-mind]]* --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 17:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
I don't want to live in a Cwcville without Bob. If he dies, I'll kill myself.
''

I'm going to kill myself if Bob Chandler dies
I'm going to kill myself if he makes me cry
I'll slit my wrists or I'll cut my throat
but I'll kill myself, I'll kill myself, by bleeding on his doorstep.''

[[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 05:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

:My grandma died due to congestive heart failure. It isn't a pretty sight. -PeaceCeapPea

:I just heard the news. Dammit, Bob is awesome, I'm praying he doesn't kick it! PLEASE DON'T DIE, BOB! :'( [[User:ToyoWolf|Kimo]] 06:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Just to be clear, CHF doesn't necessarily mean heart attack/failure/imminent death. What it means is that the heart is weakened and is having trouble pumping enough blood to the rest of the body. A lot of overweight and older people develop CHF and don't kick off immediately because of it, and it is treatable. So Bob may live to chop down more internets yet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 07:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

He spent 2 tweets discussing how his dad has a serious health issue, then six talking about himself and Sonichu. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I know, right? What the fuck? That's pretty low. I know Chris has [[Mumble 1|implied]] that he doesn't love Bob, but I'd expect more than that. People always joke about Bob dying, but I wouldn't like that at all. He is the only sliver of awesome left in Chris's life. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 11:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*The thing is, people think that without Bob, we'd get more interesting results from Chris. Bob kept Chris from going to Redmond. Bob is more or less the reason why Chris won't travel anywhere for a troll. Anyways, I think the concern is that Bob has a long history of heart problems already and given his age, he's taken quite a beating and it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect that this might do him in. Not that I pray for the death of Bob, mind you, only that this is the rationale of people focusing on Bob's death and why people aren't exactly optimistic. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:27, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I wouldn't expected anything else from him. What about "I am putting ''Sonichu'' on hold because my father is at the hospital"? That wouldn't have been a novelty. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all do something nice for Lumberjack. Make his life a little easier. We should call in and wish him good health. How much better will he feel knowing that he is more loved than his internet famous son? He'd perk up right away. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:18, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* He appreciated [[4 September 2009|Vivian's card]], that's probably a good idea. A picnic hamper perhaps? Some kind of gift package with food and/or nice shit. Chris won't go to that trouble; someone should.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 16:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*If someone sets up a paypal, I'd chip in 10 bucks. He's the internet lumberjack, after all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I agree, that would be cool. [[User:Lynxr|–Ich bin schwul, '''Lynxr'''. Ich bin schwul.–]] 19:03, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*I plan on sending flowers by myself in the next few days. Some kind of "Get Well" bouquet. The man deserves it. He went through a lot and, even if he could had done better with Chris, he deserves a break. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*I've started a /cwc/ thread on this here: http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/24043.html - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 18:54, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I really hope Bob pulls through for Chris's sake. I really hate Chris but I know what it's like to lose one's father, and that's not something I'd wish upon anybody else. --[[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 16:44, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, seriously. I hope Bob gets well soon.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 19:17, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
** Same here. Out of the Chandlers, Bob is easily the most likeable.....which isn't exactly that difficult seeing the rest of the Chandlers, but still.. --[[User:Torvalr|Torvalr]] 19:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, all the colossal dicks are gone from the Cwcipedia. A mark of respect? --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Sadly, it looks like it. Chris do not deserve any respect. CWCipedia should be a ground for Cock-Parades 24/7/365 [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
**Dude, his dad could be fucking ''dying''. I think it's a nice gesture - that's why I mentioned it.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 22:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***I never saw Chris acting with compassion towards someone before, I don't see why we should indulge in Moral-Faggotery because of Bob's issues. As much as I respect the Old Man, He's not the jerk we all love to hate. This is why I strongly believe that the ads must be put back in place. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 23:25, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*Chris's 'stress' probably gets passed onto Bob. When Bob is in stable condition, there's no way Chris will be able to put his needs ahead of his own. He'll be getting all cunty about the trolling that he's receiving and not helping Bob's situaition at all. I say lay off and go with [[User:Edward|Edward's]] idea. Well wishes and get well soon ads for Bob. So what if Chris gets smug. Smug Chris is positive happy Chris, it's the closest he gets to that emotion. We can put up with that while his dad's in hospital, right? - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:27, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Seconded. /Scruffy --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Chris wouldn't give a fuck if his father died. He hates him. If he hasn't empaphized with anyone else, then why the father he hates so much? He'll fake sadness, pretend he cares, but he'll still consider fucking Patti the worst loss of his life. And going easy on Chris is no help for Bob, that just means that in possibly his last days with his father he'll be all smug about his victory over the gay ads. If anything they should put up a get well message for Bob using the adspace. I'm going to mention that to the Asperpedia crew next time i'm over there. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***Agreed. Look at the Quote of the Now. He mentions that his dad is in the hospital and would be there for a few days, but he had a LOOOONG stressful day. He wants us to feel sorry for him for the day, not his dad. It would be the greatest wake up call when he does pass away.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 23:23, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
****Chris being selfish? that's old news. If bob dies, it's ovbiously he would become chris's new excuse " i can't do << insert anything>> because my dad died" for a while, he'll forget about him and continue to be the jerk we know. Id bob dies he will be free from the torments of chris, bob has been trough too many shit thanks to Chris, bob deserves to finally rest in peace. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 23:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*****Actually, what would happen if Bob died? Presumably the family, not just Bob are living off his pension and social security. Even if they own the house completely, however much Barbra is bringing in plus $450 from Chris' board may not be enough to pay all their costs (bills, food, etc). --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:15, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
****** I wouldn't doubt that the accumulative total of both Chris' and Bab's welfare would be enough to sustain them- provided Chris stopped buying junk he never uses and stops eating at McDonald's. But it seems to me from the Twitter alone that Chris doesn't consider this emergency to be significant- it's like he skimmed across the issue as a lead-up to his retarded comic's scheduling, which in turn lead into "Rule 18" (which I can only assume is Chris' mistaken discovery of Rule 34). If he took the situation seriously at all, he'd either be pouring more emotion into it, or be absent altogether. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 00:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
******* Well Chris claims to have gotten his pack rat nature from his parents. So there's the possibility that if Bob goes, they'll spend themselves into nothing. --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 01:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
-
• One thought- has anyone contacted [[Cole]] yet? I'm in Australia or I would myself. I know Chris doesn't gave a flying fuck and [[Snorlax]] almost certainly doesn't either. He should know I think. --Ronichu
* I think most of the family probably know by now (I would hope so anyway) but Cole has said in the past that he would celebrate when Bob "finally drops". Unless Cole is willing to make peace I say let him stay in the dark on this one, or leave it to the Chandlers to tell him. This is all too soon, I'm not ready for Bob to die yet... I just hope he dies comfortable, not at home and not surrounded by his family. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 01:40, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, when bob dies, i hope he doesn't has to see his failure son's face. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 02:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Agreed on letting the Chandlers tell Cole, if for no other reason than he might not believe some random troll from the Internet. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I really need to ask this- where was it picked up that Bob had a 10% chance of survival? If it was in the linked article, I didn't see it.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*I am asking myself the same question; where this came from? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 11:09, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** It doesn't, I think the person who wrote that must have seen the bit which says that it has an annual mortality rate of 10% and misunderstood it. He statistically has a 90% chance of surviving another year (provided he is suffering from the normal progressive form of the disease). I've changed the article to reflect this. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 11:29, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::Alright, awesome- I was just beginning to think if that had been true, then half my extended family is pretty damn lucky.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:58, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If Bob does kick it (may he rest in peace if he does), what odds do you give on Chris going to a funny farm in the next 5 years? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Unless if the state of Virginia got no cheaper option. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I try to send flowers to Bob but the FTD website ask for a phone number. Anyone got a clue what Chris's phone is? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

He tells us himself in the opening few seconds of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2vGKa-k2Us this video]. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*How about <s>Chris' credit card number</s> the hospital we should send them to? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's credit card number is 2984 8579 9562 3765. That number is fake by the way in case anyone missed the joke. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*thanks for the info. I forgot about this video. I rand FTD with a nice card and a Pink Lily Bouquet. Bob will receive them tomorrow.[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
***Assuming Snorlax doesn't eat them first. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:08, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Do we know that Bob will get them? Knowing Chris, he'll assume that they are for him and make a youtube video thanking his secret admirer for sending him flowers. I hope that you made sure to put down in bold capitals that its for Bob, and even then its only a slim chance that he'll consider the idea that they're not for him. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::*But pink is such a faggy color. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:53, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*There's a possibility that Chris will hijack the bouquet but let's see it that way; it's bloody pink if he does, we got material to doubt his straightness. Not only Bob's name is on the delivery slip but I also send a "Get Well" card mentioning him, the package couldn't be mistaken. FTD will deliver tomorrow. Let's see what it will bring us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I sent Bob a bouquet as well. In all honesty, I enjoyed hearing about his experiences and feel bad that he's stuck with a horrible wife and son. The all the man wants is a chance to discuss the world and listen to his records. At the very least, he deserves to know that there are people that like him out there. --[[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 22:35, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::::*What color? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 00:41, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::*Multi-colored. It's [http://www.teleflora.com/mixed-flowers/bouquet/make-a-wish-167864p.asp?s=t&promotioncode=Shed10&srccode=SH_FR&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=TFWEB164 this one.] [[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 01:00, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*If Chris suffered heart failure, I wouldn't send flowers. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 04:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*I kinda want Bob to die (Don't look at me like i am a monster) because I want the vicarious thrill of watching 14 Branchland Court implode without his common sense. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** Me too. He's pretty much the only person who ever tried to stop a Sweetheart opperation--he could have stopped Julie if Max hadn't been a good liar. Nothing will set the Snorlax off unless you try to lure Chris somewhere, and even then I remind you that we still got him to defy her and go to Ohio. Her general logic for any scenario seems to be "If Chris actually gets a girl, I'll believe it when I see her, otherwise it's his own damn fault for being stupid". This is Chris's logic, minus the part after the comma. Oh, and no Bob means less money, and what's going to make you think Chris starts stealing his tugboat payment from her?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*** If you kinda want Bob to die to make trolling Chris easier you're kinda a far more worthless human being than Chris is. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 23:41, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**** I'll justify myself, then. I will be sad to see Bob die, and I will be happy to see what happens when he's gone.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:12, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
***Like I said, I'm no monster, I just wanna see Chris fall apart without Bob's guidance. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 00:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** If Chris has no-one to defend him or motivate him, it won't be a challenge to troll him anymore. I like Bob, and if I get to his age I intend to spend all day everyday swingin' with the music. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 02:30, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** Well, since Barb is too weighed down by her own rolls to do anything, if Bob dies, there will be shit hitting fans in Chris' home real soon, and I don't mean cat shit.. Either way it's going to be funny considering Chris' warped view on death. --[[User:CrookedSmirk|CrookedSmirk]]
**** She's not that fat, not yet anyway.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

I know everyone has realized this by now, but I don't think Chris understands the severity of it all. On his Twitter, it says that Bob came down with a ''case'' of congestive heart failure. The way he's talking about it, it seems that Chris thinks that this is something Bob can overcome like a sick bug or something. That also explains the lack of concern in his two videos - he actually thinks Bob's gonna be alright in a few days, as if some R&R would do good! He doesn't realize that this may very well be the beginning of the end!--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:20, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*This is why I pity Bob Chandler right now. He's a man with decades of fair work, a patent on his name and the opportunity to be called the veteran of the most intense war the world never saw. Only for this, he will be a better man than myself. Here's the sad part. On the Internets, he will be remembered as the "Joseph" of the "Fail Messiah". The very fact that Chris ignore him in what we might call his last hours on Earth is shocking to me. He really don't deserve this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Point. Bob's death may come as a total and complete surprise to Chris.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*How do we even know Barb would let him know all the details? Wouldn't she consider keeping Chris ignorant to be a small mercy? --[[User:LeninandMcCarthy|LeninandMcCarthy]] 05:56, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:**Small mercy? From everything I've heard of her, if she kept the details from Chris it would be because it's easier on her to just not tell him. In all honesty if anything's going to happen with this, it should be trying to get Chris to actually spend time with his father. Remember, the closest he's had to a constant in his life dying is his dog, and Optimus Prime, and in Chris' mind both of those came back. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 06:59, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

:I still think we should do something nice for Bob while he's sick. Unlike Chris, Bob is definitely someone I see as with positive qualities along with the negative (which he has plenty of, but don't we all). In light of this, I wanted to have a small hatched engraved with a message "For 'The Internet Lumberjack'. Get well soon! - The Trolls" on the front face and "Keep on swinging!" on the back. I found a place that does engraving along with a hatchet that would be suitable ($100 or so cost all up, probably about the same for postage, not a problem for me since I work), unfortunately I called Australia Post and they said that there were import restrictions on edged weapons into the United States for some reason. Is there anywhere in the US where one could order something similar to the above created and delivered? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:28, 4th of March 2010 (Australian Central Standard Time).
:*Does Bob even know that he's the Internet Lumberjack? The joke might be totally lost on him. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 10:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
*The cause was an internet fell on him. --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 08:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If bob dies, do you think chris will put him in his comic, just like patty?[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 18:54, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

* Probably, but he'll be a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Il_Sung Kim Il-Sung] type character, The dead but eternal leader of CWCville. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:37, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*For those who don't know, [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ Charlottesville obituaries are here]. I'm not sure if this has been posted yet; correct me if it has. So far Bob has not shown up. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 21:17, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If he dies, I hope the funeral isn't private, because I plan on burying my axe and a broken internet modem with him.
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 23:02, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Guys, please, this is getting out of hand. There's lots of places to discuss stuff for Bob like sending him flowers and shit. But this place is not the place to do it. Please refer to [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|this]]. Talk pages should be reserved for how to improve the article and not for content - it was alright to discuss the validity of the tweets, for instance, but this is getting out of hand. Fuck, you can even arrange things on the Community Portal if you really want to.

Next person who posts something not related to improving the Bob Chandler article '''will be banned.''' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:25, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

I've added a heading below the ''Health and late life'' heading called ''What about Bob?''. I'm using it to encompass what little we know about the recent heart failure saga, and briefly touch on Chris's extracurricular activities during it. I figure once it's all over with, it will be much easier to delete the heading and contents as a whole, rather than sift through the Bob article and remove things piecemeal. But if it's getting too big, or if you all don't like it, feel free to cut it down in the spirit of Bob. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 06:26, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

==Bob's past heart attacks==

If you check out the transcript for the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]], you'll see several gaps, one of which is very large. I just reached the point in the audio where the first gap occurs, and it's ''right there'' that Bob starts talking about his history of health problems, most notable of which are his past heart attacks. We seem to have a surplus of Bob fans, so would one (or more) of you like to start filling in that gap (and/or the others)? I'm willing to do it myself, but I'm not the world's fastest typist, and - all kidding aside - I'd like to have all of this information about Bob made available before the man dies. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:57, 5 March 2010 (UTC)
*I'm surprised I haven't noticed this before. I'll actually add this to the Improvement of the Now. Be sure to mention this in the [[Transcription Collective]] as well. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:32, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

*He's definitely gonna die soon, because the fact that he's had four heart attacks and is older than my grandfather by a decade (he was born in 1937) , is a telltale sign that he's gonna meet Billy Mays sometime within the year.

*PSN message shows than Bob is okay, according to Chris, at least. Should he die, it'll be a day of mourning, but not for Cole. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 23:20, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

==Should we really be checking the Charlottesville obituaries?==

I thought that the Chandlers lived in Ruckersville and not Charlottesville proper. Perhaps someone from the area can inform me of the truth?--[[User:Doomknight|Doomknight]] 08:28, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, but isn't the hospital in Charlottesville? I'd call them myself but my Boston accent's too thick for them to not raise an eyebrow. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 21:10, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

I had assumed that Ruckersville wouldn't have their own obit listing, but I just found out that they do. I'll add that link to the Charlottesville link on Bob's page. It's more of an off chance that he'd be listed anyway. Considering that the only people who would even write an obit would be Barb or Chris, it's doubtful if he'd even get one. But since we've all basically been pissing in the wind regarding Bob for the last week, it's about all we can do. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 06:14, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

== Is Bob dead..? ==

[http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Is Chris still in control of this site?], because "Sonichu is no longer being updated. My father's passing has been too great for me. :( It is like I Lost Patti All Over Again."

The site was last updated on the 31st of March... --[[User:AsperGirl|AsperGirl]] 06:50, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

*It's a troll page. I think someone already saw and mentioned it elsewhere.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 06:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

* I personally spoke to both Bob and Snorlax about seven hours ago. They are both alive. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 07:18, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

So some people of TV Tropes seem to think Bob's dead. I've looked through a few websites that list obituaries from Ruckersville and Charlottesville and he wasn't listed on any of them. Any conformation as to whether he's alive or not? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 23:42, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
*No telling, could be a trolling plot. I think we'd be warned if Bob was dead. The simple solution is to call Chris and simply ask him.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:24, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
** I tried calling him yesterday to ask him about Bob, but I couldn't get a hold of him. I'll try again, even though I know he probably won't pick it up. (How do you guys even manage to talk to him, anyway?) --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 23:12, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
::*There are about 15 more 'Sydney Calls' which are just voicemail messages and the like. Chris is too lazy to answer his phone and his parents are quite sick of all the pranks. Keep trying and you'll eventually get through. I tell you what though, if Chris actually gets a call from a game designer they would not put up with someone being so impossibly unreliable to contact. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 23:18, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
:::* Ah, I thought "call until he decides to pick up" would be the answer. I managed to get him on the line once sometime last year, but that was back when I was a CWC newfag, sooooo I froze up and hung up. *fails forever*

But yeah, that'd be yet another reason (out of an infinite amount of reasons) why game designers wouldn't touch ''Sonichu'' with a ten-foot pole. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 01:25, 14 May 2010 (UTC)
::*If so, then a new era has begun. If not, then we can annoy Chris. And there's nothing Rocky can do about it.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:47, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
::*Heh, don't worry about the freezing up thing. Sydney was a huge fail, but she was about 50x more successful than my previous effort, where I got absolutely no response at all, only annoyed him a little, didn't record anything at all, entertained his parents and then nearly dox'd myself due to my tardness. Just to be sure, you're not calling him with your real phone, right? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 01:32, 14 May 2010 (UTC)
::** Er.... Yeah, I'm using my cell phone. And for extra fail points, I use Audactiy to try to record my calls. What should I do instead? '''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 18:49, 25 May 2010 (UTC)
== racist ==
so has bob ever actually been out-and-out racist or is that just a (probably correct) assumption? just wondering [[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 15:56, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
{{quote|Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Bob, [[Prank_calls#.27Epic_Crazy_Lady.27_calls_Bob|choreographing trolls]]}}
This quote would suggest Bob thinks of black people in a negative light, referring to the trolls as being black. I'm stereotyping, but it's not uncommon for people from his generation to hold racist views. Him having been raised in Alabama would also suggest that he was exposed to racist views. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:07, 3 June 2010 (UTC)

ahahaha, how did i ever miss that article? funny shit, thanks man. although in another video on the page (just reading the transcript here, my speakers are busted so i can't hear how he says it so he could be being sarcastic or dismissive or whatever) he tells a troll to put effort into something constructive like helping haitians. i've known people who said stuff similar to "get your black ass down" (ok, not really that phrase but you get what i'm saying) and they aren't really racist. but then again i also live in south louisiana so that probably has something to do with the different standards for what constitutes racism or something (down here someone's not really considered racist until they start throwing around the n-word or other slurs or explicitly slander a race/someone because of their race). which, of course, isn't to say that makes saying something like that any less heinous.[[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 15:59, 5 June 2010 (UTC)

or maybe i'm just willing to give some people more leeway than they deserve; yeah that's probably it. [[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 05:41, 8 June 2010 (UTC)

== That picture of Bob and Chris ==

Long time lurker, love the site. I was just looking at the picture of Bob and Chris in what appears to be a classroom (0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg) and was noticing the Grade Chart. Am I reading it wrong, or does it seem to award money prizes for different grades, with at least 5$ being awarded even for failure? If I'm not misinterpreting it, does this mean Chris was getting rewarded, no matter how badly he did? [[User:Colonelslime|Colonelslime]] 17:55, 16 July 2010 (UTC) (Edited to add signature, my apologies)

* First off, sign your posts, four tildes at the end of your post. To answer your question, it might not mean that, in that he probably wasn't making money. Many teachers have systems with their students to encourage learning. The teacher makes some fake money, the kids take a test, the kids earn money based on their performance. She'll have a thing of toys they can buy with what they make. It was apparently popular back in the 80s and mid 90s, but nowadays kids can get better stuff than that by themselves. There's a slight chance that the kids were actually getting paid, but that would be a pretty bad plan for a teacher to put into motion. If so, it probably would have been for their final, overall grade, but still. Also, there is a talk page for files as well, so if you have anything else post there, alright? [[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 07:30, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

== The Automatic (Something) is...? ==

Could it possibly be he worked on the first automatic switchboard for the area, or possibly the whole reigon? I've read up on these, and it sounds like he worked on the first installation as part of a test run to see how well they would function under standard call input rates and to test how durable they were under stress. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 16:55, 19 August 2010 (PDT)

== Patents ==

Here are two more patents with Bob's name on them I couldn't fit in the Work section because I am about to Crash into Slumber.

http://www.google.com/patents?id=jKU4AAAAEBAJ
http://www.google.com/patents?id=-DMBAAAAEBAJ

--[[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 01:07, 12 September 2010 (PDT)

==Grand Wizard Bob ==
While I know that the revelation of his Klan membership came right out of the horse's mouth, Does anyone know if he's really a member, or just bullshitting?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:23, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:He's not saying he's a member. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 14:05, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

He implied he was a member, just read this quote:''''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it. '''''
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 15:45, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
* A good few black people have seen cross burnings, I doubt they're members. I'm guessing he was just trying to scare the callers. --[[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 16:29, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

== Is Bob actually part Cherokee? ==

Or is it just Chris making shit up? - slubub

== Cancer Call? ==
anybody got links?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 15:57, 29 March 2011 (PDT)

Talk:14 Branchland Court

2011-03-17T20:07:18Z

Dan Dash: /* A&E's Hoarders */

Should the videos be posted here or only on the main article? I think they should be posted on both, and this page should link back to the original. What say ye? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 01:25, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
:*I think that this article is already a little bit too long, and adding two videos to it would only make it even longer. Yes, having the videos here would be illustrative, but it would also be redundant. Anyone who comes here and wants to watch the videos has a huge link to the videos' own page staring them in the face, so I don't see why they can't just go there. Lastly, if the videos were to remain double-posted here, I'm sure that someone would eventually start complaining that there were no transcripts (or else start needlessly re-transcribing them). Can't we just opt to avoid all of that Stressful Torture? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 02:23, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
** I guess. It just seems that having the two vids on the page, while redundant, makes it much more efficient. You wanna see the videos themselves and the descriptions/analysis? See the Branchland Court article. Want the vids and a transcript? See the main article. Maybe add such a description to the link to the video article? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 10:51, 23 June 2009 (CEST)

==Question==
I've heard that Chris waits by the mail box daily for the post to arrive to intercept mail from his parents incase any new NOODS arrive for them, is there any substance to that claim?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 00:21, 23 July 2009 (CEST)

==To do==
Add a picture of the sign trolls left in her yard (thankfully, we have a picture from [[Svenka]], of all people to thank) and a little bit about what to do if they choose to "visit" the house IRL (or more appropriately, a warning against it). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:48, 14 August 2009 (CEST)

==Dox==
We should make keep a record of the times Chris has dropped his address publicly, in videos and on his website openly (there was a time when people found his address by looking on a white pages website). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:35, 24 November 2009 (CET)
* Added at least a partial list. There may be more videos I've missed, though. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:23, 24 November 2009 (CET)

== A&E's Hoarders ==

I have just learned that A&E has this program called ''Hoarders'', where they go to the homes of compulsive hoarders and clean up their house for them. Maybe we should do this for CWC. [http://hoardersdocumentary.com/machform/view.php?id=3 Here's the form that needs to be filled out for it.] It'll take some time to fill out, but if A&E ever does go to CWC's house, it would provide copious amounts of lulz. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 00:07, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
*Slowpoke.jpg.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:20, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
**Argh. Beaten again. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:01, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
Today I Got an email from a girl that works at A&E that says that they sent a crew, but Barb slammed the door in their faces.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 13:06, 17 March 2011 (PDT)

Talk:14 Branchland Court

2011-03-17T20:06:51Z

Dan Dash: /* A&E's Hoarders */

Should the videos be posted here or only on the main article? I think they should be posted on both, and this page should link back to the original. What say ye? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 01:25, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
:*I think that this article is already a little bit too long, and adding two videos to it would only make it even longer. Yes, having the videos here would be illustrative, but it would also be redundant. Anyone who comes here and wants to watch the videos has a huge link to the videos' own page staring them in the face, so I don't see why they can't just go there. Lastly, if the videos were to remain double-posted here, I'm sure that someone would eventually start complaining that there were no transcripts (or else start needlessly re-transcribing them). Can't we just opt to avoid all of that Stressful Torture? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 02:23, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
** I guess. It just seems that having the two vids on the page, while redundant, makes it much more efficient. You wanna see the videos themselves and the descriptions/analysis? See the Branchland Court article. Want the vids and a transcript? See the main article. Maybe add such a description to the link to the video article? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 10:51, 23 June 2009 (CEST)

==Question==
I've heard that Chris waits by the mail box daily for the post to arrive to intercept mail from his parents incase any new NOODS arrive for them, is there any substance to that claim?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 00:21, 23 July 2009 (CEST)

==To do==
Add a picture of the sign trolls left in her yard (thankfully, we have a picture from [[Svenka]], of all people to thank) and a little bit about what to do if they choose to "visit" the house IRL (or more appropriately, a warning against it). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:48, 14 August 2009 (CEST)

==Dox==
We should make keep a record of the times Chris has dropped his address publicly, in videos and on his website openly (there was a time when people found his address by looking on a white pages website). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:35, 24 November 2009 (CET)
* Added at least a partial list. There may be more videos I've missed, though. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:23, 24 November 2009 (CET)

== A&E's Hoarders ==

I have just learned that A&E has this program called ''Hoarders'', where they go to the homes of compulsive hoarders and clean up their house for them. Maybe we should do this for CWC. [http://hoardersdocumentary.com/machform/view.php?id=3 Here's the form that needs to be filled out for it.] It'll take some time to fill out, but if A&E ever does go to CWC's house, it would provide copious amounts of lulz. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 00:07, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
*Slowpoke.jpg.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:20, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
**Argh. Beaten again. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:01, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
I today Got an email from a girl that works at A&E that says that they sent a crew, but Barb slammed the door in their faces.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 13:06, 17 March 2011 (PDT)

User:Dan Dash

2011-03-17T20:02:59Z

Dan Dash: /* A&E E-MAILS */

{{Americunt}}
{{EDUser}}
{{Scamper}}
{{Hex-Box}}

== A&E E-MAILS ==

We've already attempted a home visit. His parents shut the door on us. It is out of our hands unless they agree to get help.

Sorry, Daniel.

Thank you for your concern and submission.

Allison

On Wed, Mar 16, 2011 at 7:08 PM, <tgard49@aim.com> wrote:
I am, but he's rather hard to get a hold of unless you have a Charlottesville area phone number. I recommend snail mail or a home visit, as he has simply shut himself off from the world. I'm sure you've dealt with these situations before, right?

Cheers, Daniel Ruari Dash

-----Original Message-----
From: Allison <allison.hoarders@gmail.com>
To: tgard49 <tgard49@AIM.com>
Sent: Fri, Mar 11, 2011 9:26 am
Subject: A&E Hoarders

Daniel,

Are you actually friends with Christian? We have made a number of attempts at getting a hold of him and/or his parents to try and help, with no success.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Allison

User:Dan Dash

2011-03-17T20:01:57Z

Dan Dash:

{{Americunt}}
{{EDUser}}
{{Scamper}}
{{Hex-Box}}

== A&E E-MAILS ==

We've already attempted a home visit. His parents shut the door on us. It is out of our hands unless they agree to get help.

Sorry, Daniel.

Thank you for your concern and submission.

Allison

On Wed, Mar 16, 2011 at 7:08 PM, <tgard49@aim.com> wrote:
I am, but he's rather hard to get a hold of unless you have a Charlottesville area phone number. I recommend snail mail or a home visit, as he has simply shut himself off from the world. I'm sure you've dealt with these situations before, right?
Cheers, Daniel Ruari Dash

-----Original Message-----
From: Allison <allison.hoarders@gmail.com>
To: tgard49 <tgard49@AIM.com>
Sent: Fri, Mar 11, 2011 9:26 am
Subject: A&E Hoarders

Daniel,

Are you actually friends with Christian? We have made a number of attempts at getting a hold of him and/or his parents to try and help, with no success.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Allison

14 Branchland Court

2011-03-17T20:00:14Z

Dan Dash: /* Visiting */

{{Honest}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|meAO487S0zM}}</center>
{{quote|One does not simply walk into 14 Branchland Court. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the great Man-child is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with video games and sex toys, the very air you breath is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this, it is folly.|[[YouTube]] comment, dragonslayer396}}

[[Image:Fullfrontalfilth.gif|thumb|The most complete view of the front. Note the [[Sonichu]] drawn in the snow.]]
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!]]
[[Image:Chris house.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Another aerial image of the Chandler House.]]
[[Image:BranchlandCourt.jpg|thumb|A more accurate depiction of 14 Branchland Court]]

'''14 Branchland Court''' is the lair of the [[Chandler]] Clan. It is a white (now yellowed to ivory) two-story house trimmed in [[homos|pink]] (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of [[Ruckersville, VA]]. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house itself reeks of the early [[1980s]], having tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding; it probably hasn't been re-sided in years. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[2009#March|March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house was once quite tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|"THAT IS MY HOUSE"]] revealed that Chris's parents are aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis.

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from the time he was born until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in the fall of 1992, Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held down the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in 2000 after Chris graduated high school. In a [[100 2178|video]] released in May 2010, Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
In two videos uploaded on [[2009#March|27 March 2009]], Chris provides a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of shit that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

==First floor==
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the music room", which is now primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) has been claimed by [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently sleeps there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

==Second floor==
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in [[April 2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the northern corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the eastern corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown or green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax and Bob never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.

==Yard==
On first examination, you'd be forgiven for mistaking Chris's yard for Silent Hill. It consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]], probably due to a [[Dirty crapped briefs|dark stench]] poisoning the air. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where The Lumberjack would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being the lazy-ass pansy that he is, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start the [[Fuck Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[August 2010]], it is very apparent that Chris's parents have completely given up on lawn care, with none of the grass cut at all. Many of the grass and weeds surrounding the house are almost four feet tall, obscuring many parts of the residence altogether.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]}}

If you would like to send an envelope containing anthrax to Christian, or perhaps mail his parents some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville]],''
:''VA 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1.) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' mail on a regular basis, or 2.) Barbara and Bob will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that they have read some of the letters and ignored them).

Chris will respond to fan mail, provided there's a return address on the envelope.

==Visiting==
Visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the "Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail", are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly parents to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

In an E-mail between [[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] and an A&E employee in March 2011, It was revealed that A&E attempted to film an episode of Hoarders, but Barb or Bob slammed the door in their face.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville, VA]]
* [[Charlottesville, VA]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]

==External links==
Other famous hoarders:
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers The Collyer Brothers] - Infamous NY hoarders who ended up being crushed to death by their own shit.
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Trebus Edmund Trebus] -An eccentric Polish immigrant who ended up being a TV star because of his hoarding.

==References==
<references />

{{Places}}

[[Category:Chris's house]]

Talk:Sonichu 10

2011-03-17T19:12:09Z

Dan Dash: /* Page 32 Hitler reference */

==Readability==
so, a long wall of text isn't visually appealing. i tried breaking it down a little further, even though there aren't any breaks with the huge ass episode. feel free to revert it, but we need some way to organize the rambling. okay i'm done preaching --[[User:Manzanera|Manzanera]] 21:07, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

==Continuity==
You know, my own theory is that Chris's fucked up numbering system finally managed to confuse Chris himself and/or he just lost track. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:40, 15 March 2009 (CET)

So, if the medallion never gave him power, that means that the entire Anchuent Prophecy is null in void, and none of the events following Sonichu entering the mystic cave could have ever happened.~[[User:gourmetpickle]]

Not to mention as well that it's obvious that the "high school ring" was just made up at the last second. If his high school ring gave him the power all this time, then why did he even have the retarded medallion in the first place? Speaking of the medallion, how did he obtain it before the Anchuent Prophecy if that was a key piece in the plot? It wasn't even explained WHY he decided "Hey, I'm gonna wear a medallion of a creature before the creature is even introduced everyday for no apparent reason!" Besides that, if the ring gave the power, why is the spot where his Sonichu medallion his weak point? Following the laws of most video games (knowing Chris abides by them), when you attack the source of power on a boss enemy, that is usually their weak point. I mean, does he not even care about the story anymore? GODDAMMIT CHRIS YOU'RE MAKING ME WORSE THAN YOU WITH MY RAMBLINGS. FUCK. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:38, 6 May 2009 (CEST)

I find the idea of continuity in ''Sonichu'' comics quite upsetting. It was as if Chris had enough forethought to plan the whole thing. He was always impulsive over the whole storyline, mostly engrossed by a quest of pitiful revenge. I am ready to bet an old 5$ bill that, if he's called over the whole lack of continuity regarding the Anchuent Prophecy, he will just make the tribe leader appear on one page and say "No, that's cool". He's a crappy storyteller, that's all. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:05, 9 December 2009 (CET)

Well, he's all caught up with the pages and... it's funny. He didn't change the part where he sent his medallion to his "sweetheart", Blanca... despite the fact that he just set up a date with Lovely. LOL.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 08:32, 22 December 2009 (CET)

Ya know, I just realized that his comics never had a plot up until Crystal got trapped in the mirror. Look over the comics and you'll find that this is the ONE AND ONLY ongoing conflict in the entire fucking "series". Everything else is resolved in one "episode" except for the Off target sub episodes, which was resolved in two episodes. Regardless of how little the comics after Crystal got trapped in the mirror focused on her, it's been completely about finding the Sonichu testicles to save her. Sure, he's taken the majority of the time she's been gone trying to "expand" upon his characters but like I said, saving Crystal stretched over five of his shitty comics.----rob

==Fun fact about Lovely Weather==
Chris thinks it's [[random access humor|fucking hilarious]] to sing (to the tune of "Sleigh Ride"): "Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with..." over and over. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:28, 9 December 2009 (CET)

*That sounds like a drag queen name. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 11:02, 9 December 2009 (CET)
**I don't understand. I'm scared.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:20, 9 December 2009 (CET)
**I was going to say it sounds like a show dog name, but I think I like Anaconda's comparison better --[[User:TheyCalledMeMad|TheyCalledMeMad]] 18:37, 9 December 2009 (CET)
**Lovely Weather sounds like a name I'd use for a character... which disturbs me quite deeply. Also, any idea if Lovely Weather is based on a real person (again) or if Chris is making up a codename for a future sweetheart? [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 05:26, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*** Page 2. He claims to have took advantage of the fact that he looks like his future self, and then fucked His future self's wife while his future self was at work. Yeah. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:52, 10 December 2009 (CET)
**** This is the disgusting part. How creepy it is to have sex with your own future wife? And what about the whole Episode 19 "God-Jesus Says Ivy&Chris 4EVAH"? How pissed God should be that Ivy is dead and Chris's first thought out of the void was to tell all about the nookie he had with a married wife. Not much Christian values here ...[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:35, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*** Also, this makes it that he's no longer a virgin in the comics, is the biggest single departure from RealChris yet. Even all his other victories were somehow unsuccessful in some way. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 05:26, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*** Chris understands time travel as Futurama presented it; X has always happened and/or will always happen. PresentChris took advantage of his future wife; FutureChris is this same Chris who 6 years ago took advantage of his resembling a married man to bed that man's wife. I guess Chris thinks it's justified because Lovely later married him. Just ''something'' about the whole situation is wrong, but due to the mechanics of time travel, pinning down exactly what is hard. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:25, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::* But, that's the thing: In Futurama, it was the ''past'', not the ''future'' where it occurred. If I remember correctly, Fry had accidentally vaporized the man who he thought was his grandfather and ended up boffing his grandmother. He didn't realize until Farnsworth told him that HE was his own ''grandfather''. Chris essentially screwed up the entire premise by going into the future. He won't have any direct affect to his ''present''.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 02:32, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::* Perhaps because she married the Chris of her present, not the Chris of 6 years previous? I mean, who you are as a person is a function of time; I don't really feel like I'm the same person I was 6 years ago. A lot has changed since then. The fact of the matter is that the Chris she took to be her husband wasn't the real Chris she knew and married. It may as well have been someone in a full-body Chris suit, because one would assume that the Chris of 2009 to be different in mind than the Chris of 2015, though, the ever-ignorant manchild... maybe that's not a good assumption. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 02:37, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::*I think that's why one could argue it's rape if past Chris presents himself as future Chris, as they could be totally different people. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:43, 16 December 2009 (CET)
:::* Try comparing Chris between now and when he started the comic and try seeing how changed he is.[/sarcasm, sort of] --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:45, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::* More likely, Lovely Weather saw through Chris' deception but didn't care because future chris was fatter and completely bald. [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 03:24, 1 January 2010 (CET)
:::* Or there was a kinky time-travel threesome between Lovely and both Chrises. It's not masturbation if it's sex with yourself. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 17:47, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

==How to incorporate preview?==
Any suggestions on how to discuss the preview, since we'll be approaching the point where the preview is incorporated into the regular storyline? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:43, 16 December 2009 (CET)

i say we merge it with the regular episode description once Chris Manages to reach it.

i'm sure that's what Chris will do anyway, and when the time comes to merge them we'll use the preview section as a Christory lesson on how he put up the preview, and what pages the preview took place in. --[[User:Homor|Homor]] 12:06, 17 December 2009 (CET)

== Japanese message ==

: A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.
OK, I know next to nothing about Japanese. I punched "controversial" in WWWJDIC and it says 問題発言 is "problematical statement; controversial statement". Which kind of looks like the marks which Chris's artistic pencil left on the paper, hence scanned and uploaded and now troubling our retinas. Now, the question remains: Which episode of Excel-Saga was this ripped off from? I still haven't watched all of them. (And if it's not from Excel-Saga: sorry, ''I just got this weird feeling that it could be from there.'' I can't really explain it.) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 00:40, 22 December 2009 (CET)

The first episode. IIRC it's from Excel saying that manga artists are scum so who cares if they die, or something to that effect. Then, it was funny because it was prominent and after an actually controversial statement. Here? Pure, glorious shit. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:32, 22 December 2009 (CET)

==Cogsdev is a gal-pal now?==

I... don't know what to think about this. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:40, 23 December 2009 (CET)
*wut now? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:22, 1 January 2010 (CET)

==Plagiarism to the EXTREME==

This is interesting... or not, but even still. It seems that Chris is really pushing the tracing deals to the extreme here. [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:SchuComic10P12.jpg|the picture of Chris-Chan Sonichu] was apparently [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/9184.html|traced from a piece of Sonic fan art], as well [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/images/thumb/1/1f/SchuComic10P22.jpg/512px-SchuComic10P22.jpg| the first two fight "panels"] were ripped from a fight scene from the Archie Sonic comic "Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles". Maybe I've missed some others earlier (basically scared to look back), but this is probably the worse I've seen Chris rip off stuff in his comic (in terms of scenes, not ideas). --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 09:02, 27 December 2009 (CET)

== Popit tool. ==

I know no one probably gives a shit but the "beams" that Jason, Beel and Chris use are the popit tool from little big planet. It was tough to tell what it was until I actually played LBP and recognized that the menu Jason is fiddling with is the tool menu from the stage creation mode.

Cept Jason and Beel use a red popit tool, Chris uses a red one yet it is only blue in the games. Just pointing Stupid shit out guys. Happy new year.--[[User:Rob|Rob]] 09:50, 1 January 2010 (CET)rob

**Actually, the color it appears in the game is based on the color the player uses for their Sackboy. Conceivably it could be one of the many colors from the game, including red. It just happens to be red here because red is "evil" and Chris is a moron. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 00:08, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 29==
Chris looks so bored. Also, how little effort could this possibly take? Seeing this page just fills me with hate and anger.--[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 16:45, 5 January 2010 (UTC)

==Pages 30-34==
God DAMN. I just ''love'' how Chris writes his characters ''not'' as actual characters, but as ''mouthpieces'' for his own self! I mean, look at Jason! In Issue 8, Jason says that he doesn't want to take down Chris's ED page and is willing to launch a pickle at Rosechu, yet here, he condemns Jack and Clyde for being homo trolls and decides to retire away. Then, BEEL, of all people, condemns THEM for being homo trolls! Then, Chris makes the two commit suicide, just like he wants them to!

Augh! So much rage!

On a side note, I love how Chris inserts that side note that he wants the MMPR team again and "disses" the other teams. Wow, way to live in the past, Chris! --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 04:27, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

:*Chris always amaze me. I keep on thinking about how deeply retarded the whole comic is and, oh so suddenly, he finds a way to dig himself in a hole a lot deeper. I wonder how Clyde and Jack will react to this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:31, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:**I want them to make him ''really'' suffer for that. Otherwise, once he's done making Issue 10, I'm gonna go make my own comic in retaliation. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 04:47, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:***Sweet merciful Jesus, ''why?'' The last ten pages or so are probably the most disgusting things I've ever read (and this from someone who's read and lol'd at almost all of this wiki). They make ''even less sense'' than the typical Chris tract. I'm almost impressed at how in these ten pages he's managed to pack in so much fail. That's it, I'm making a comic where Naitsirhc is the hero and saves everybody. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 05:24, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:**** Hey, dipwad, I called it! Nah, I'm kidding, but mostly about the dipwad part. I got a good chunk of plot for my comic thought down, but I'd like to ask about your's first. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 05:37, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:*****I'll put the general overview in my sandbox. And @ Griffintown's post below: Reading these pages is pretty much like watching Chris jerk himself off. He's only doing it to satisfy some vague desire to be the big boy on the playground. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 05:50, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:****I just read them. The crazy thing is, I'll bet he actually considers this a victory. He's sitting in his room right now going "I showed those trolls a thing or two!" Ok, no, actually he's probably still frothing mad over mailbag 32, but the point remains.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:32, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:*****That's it. CWCville is this magical place in his head where he can win all his battles. Chris acts as if his comics (and mostly everything he produces, videos and texts included) were Magical Talismans able to affect the real life. The best think that can happen right now is to see some serious "Clyde & Jack" action who will force Chris to "Undead" them in the next comic so he can beat them again. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:42, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
*Why does this remind me of the GI Joe episode where Cobra made a machine to destroy buildings with the power of rock?--[[User:Yawn|Yawn]] 5:50, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 36==
Rosechu is menstruating despite being medically sterile and being a Pokemon. Also, tampons and kinky sex in a TV-Y7 work. I don't know, I have trouble even thinking of the page without being filled with rage at the directions Chris takes his comic in. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 04:55, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 37==
Christian... Freaking... Love... Day... I thought he was reaching the bottom in retardation but this is so... wrong. THIS begs to be turned into a "Gay Day" celebration. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:10, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*It does! And what's so funny is that, Chris actually thinks that, if there WAS a cure for homosexuality, everyone in the world would be willing to go through this. Yes, I know this is Chris's world and we're just looking in, but still, this had to be said. First of all, vaccines are voluntary, not mandatory. If someone came up and said "Hey, we got the cure for homosexuality! Come and get it!", how many would take it? Not very many! Second of all, there's no real plausible way the cure could be passed through the water. That's only really in movies or comics! Water treatment plants have too many chemicals that would dilute or eradicate it. Besides, even if they did drink it, it has to be through the blood, not the stomach.

:I know, again, it's Chris's world, but I just had to get it out of my system. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:23, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

== oh boy! ==

After Jacks appearance in the comic, we should expect an epic phone call soon! -[[User:Briscoe|Briscoe]] 3:45 PM, January 8th 2010

==Page 40==

"Oh, Don't Worry, I am consentual." is now my favorite line in the whole frickin' comic. Because it's just... so wrong on so many levels. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 16:16, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*Add to this the "Lovely Weather will be my wife" angle and then you realize how twisted Chris can be. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 16:19, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*Add this to the fact that, canonically in Family Guy, Meg gets a sex change in the future. --[[User:Morganna|Morganna]] 16:33, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*I was weirded out by the Lovely Weather kinky time-travel sechs thing, but not as much as other people (Chris never did tell all the details, so for all we know, he could've told her, or FutureChris might have even been involved in a kinky time-threesome. The whole thing was unsavory to me, but I reserved judgment and wrote it off as Chris being Chris) ...but this, THIS is what shocked and made me sick, because previously, Comic-Chris never actually 'cheated' because his sweethearts either disappeared or died or whatevs; and I'm one of those people who think cheating (and ''unrepentant'' cheating at that!) is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.

: [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v322/puppet_chaos/whut.jpg The Medicine Seller probably would react the same way I did] Too bad I don't have a Sword of Exorcism. (...if you know what I'm talking about, you get a cookie made out of internet and win) --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 16:42, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Someone should save those last few pages with Meg and all the pages where Lovely Weather is mentioned just in case Chris retcons either one of them. Unfortunately, atm, CWCipedia is fucking down again. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 19:08, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:**Godfuckingdamnit, 100mb, undown CWCipedia already! --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 23:00, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:**Done! I am happy(er)! --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:59, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 42==
Pfft. I like that "apology". "I know I drew some very stupid and offensive pages, but I wanted to get through your DAMN DIRTY SKULLS that I'm STRAIGHT! Please, don't leave me!"

He starts to apologize, derails, then grovels. Epic Chris. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:51, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== So meg was Silvana. ==

I'm sure Chris has some retarded plot planned around this, but the only thing that's really important is the fact that he just knowingly drew himself making out with a hedgehog that has a dick.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:18, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
* What surprised me is that he essentially subverted his whole Meg Griffin fantasy and more or less acknowledged that it was pretty messed up. It's a strange level of self-awareness. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 06:46, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
**Of course it makes you wonder, why did Magi-chan just watch?--[[Yawn|Yawn]] 6:58, 12 January 2010
:* Maybe Magi-Chan just doesn't give a shit? He seems pretty lazy, judging by how much time he just spends doing nothing. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 07:19, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== Collosal Chris-Chan ==

Oh God, he actually used it. He actually used that horrible thing.

Two other things:
1. Page 43-44's transformation sequence is a direct ripoff of the Super Sonic/Shadow transformation before the final boss in Sonic Adventure 2.
2. Himself in panel 3 of Page 43, (the one where he's looking up), is sadly the best drawing he's done, anatomy-wise. (note the head isn't _too_ mishapen) --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 06:46, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== Just noticed this ==

Magi-chan, on page 37, said that homosexuality and asexuality are extinct... but nothing about bisexuality. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 17:27, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
:*My main theory on this is that Chris is ignorant of bisexuality. At the moment someone will ask the question, he will say something like "Yes, them too.". [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:59, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
** As someone who has spent some time in the South, for a lot of people bisexuality is syononymous with homosexuality. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 00:13, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

==Recent Pages==

Wow... the fail is overwhelming here. Zelina's just another vapid Rosechu, Chris actually thinks that people use their X-Box as fully functioning computers, he rips off a stage from the ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' game, he fails in website protection, he turns the Asperchu-type Sonichu characters into vapid, worshiping idiots who wanted real names, then strips them of what they had because he can.

Jeezus, Chris.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 17:36, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

Note also that Chris sprouts a third eye after he jams his finger in the controller port. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 04:32, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Note also also that "Mitch Sonichu" looks like the [http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Uja7HbHJnMk/Sb8aG3Nr7gI/AAAAAAAAAHg/MUf8op1X4Xk/s320/brawny.jpg Brawny paper towel guy], an ambiguously gay lumberjack. Chris, for someone who swears up and down that HE IS STRAIGHT STRAIGHT STRAIGHT, has no problem whiling away his leisure time giving free, unsolicited homomasculine makeovers to random dudes. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 04:53, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

== Christian is a God ==

According to page 57 that is. The Asperchu Sonichu comments on how Alec made him "worship a false God" (Liquid Chris), but apparently they worshiped Christian from before.

And now we have recolors of recolors.

Someone should also point out to Chris that Microsoft is also the creator of Windows, which is what he uses. -[[User:Scarf|Scarf]] 20:23, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

== What's the dating sim? ==

What's the Hex Bawx dating sim that Chris refers to? I haven't had dinner today and I can't find a darn thing on xbox.com — if there's one thing that bugs me about Xbox, it's that Microsoft has no idea on usability in certain cases =) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 12:48, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
:A game called "Don't be nervous talking 2 girls" link: [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182]. I wonder how he found out about this, I know in /cwc/ we were talking about showing this to him but nothing came from it. Makes me wonder if the autistic wonder is actually lurking on a better board than EDF. --[[User:Da-zen-man|Da-zen-man]] 21:53, 25 January 2010 (UTC)

== Pages 61-68 ==

Someone better get to summarizing these shit stains. I can't because I'm at school and can't look at them for more than a second each --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 21:47, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
* On it. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 22:07, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
** I summarized them, but some details aren't so great. I haven't read Moon Pals, nor all of Asperchu, and I have no idea who the blond chick is at that table. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 22:34, 25 January 2010 (UTC)

== President Obama? ==

It's August '08 during episode 21. Obama won't be president for 4 more months, and even then, I figure the economy is more pressing than Asperchu. Hell, the Asperpedia wouldn't be made until 2010, so Collosal Chris-Chan is raging at things that wouldn't happen for over a year. He just can't leave that soapbox alone!--[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 22:21, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
* It gets dumber than that, Chris supposedly destroyed Asperpedia when he blew up the HEX BAWKS, didn't he? I'm amused that begging the president for intervention made its return. Its almost like a shout-out to the ED days.
* I want to send an email about this, but I'm afraid the Sysop's gonna reject it like she did the last three. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 23:51, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
** What the hell? I sent in two, anyways. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 00:15, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
*Holy shit I completely forgot that the comics weren't running on Earth Time! [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 00:16, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
*Upon further analysis, Chris goes to ruin a person he's never even hinted at before for things that don't make sense unless you consider the metaphysical nature of Chris' existence as both creator and protagonist of his story and even then are incomprehensible to normal logic, that aren't told of until Chris has already done his damage. The actions of Alec and the rest of Asperpedia's crew, which barely make sense in the context of bothering fictional comic characters, are somehow worse than murdering at least 100 people and injuring hundreds more. These actions are horribly illegal and require the highest law in the land, while the aforementioned murder is somehow not a national security issue. Dammit, Chris. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:39, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

== Fan art ==

We need some fan art of some of the events and characters in this comic. Currently it's a giant boring hunk of text, and that's not fun at all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:04, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
* I was thinking of making a drawing of Collosal Chan as a blood-thirsty monster charging towards our poor heroes, Alec, Jack, Evan, Sean, Clyde, and Mao, as they hold their spots valiantly to stop him to causing any more bloodshed. The summary would be called: The whole plot of Sonichu 10! Lol! --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:49, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

==Allison's Problem==

Alright, I did a double check, but for reference, Allison's problem with Moon-Pals was that she showed up as a constantly happy girl (who's high on heroin). She appears a number of times, with Episode 17 being the more recent appearance (mocking Chris the whole way through). --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 18:46, 28 January 2010 (UTC)

==Soup Hotel Rosechus==

Did anyone else notice that while Ultra Sonichu used Chaotic Remedy to cure the Aspiechus of Aspergers, he never even thought of using it to cure the Soup Hotel Rosechus? It seems that to Chris, Aspergers is a fate worse than being paralyzed from the waist down. Well, hot damn, by that logic, I should wish for physical paralysis! --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 17:47, 31 January 2010 (UTC)
*Well you can't have people running around out there with a similar condition to autism. They are stealing the limelight away from <s>true autistics</s> Chris. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:38, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

==Plot Twist==

If Chris were a decent writer, this is the part where I'd expect Mary's entire "Bawwww" story as an elaborate trick to get the all-powerful Hobo to free Graduon. But we know something like this won't happen.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 20:07, 3 February 2010 (UTC)

==Page 75==

Anyone noticed how Chris's blades are a God of War rip-off? [[User:GUInterface|GUInterface]] 08:44, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
*I think thats a coincidence. Chris hasn't even properly played Metal Gear Solid, I think its very unlikely that he would play God Of War. Although he'd probably like it if he did. If theres one thing that our Chrissy would love to do, its play as a God. Either way, thats not even my concern right now. What I would like to be highlighted, is that Slaweel surendered to him, told Chris that what happened was not entirely her fault, and even let him destroy Graduon and thus take away a large portion of her powers, and then he tries to kill her with two big swords. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:57, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
**And he said she'd never be forgiven. All because she did her job properly six years ago. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 21:03, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
**Edward - Chris knows what God of War is. Apparently, the Field Trolls who got Chris to drink found that out through him. And the way the "blades" are drawn, those are Kratos' blades.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 21:28, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
***True - It's mentioned in [[Chris's Big Night Out#Chris and His PSP|The PSP Video]] in [[Chris's Big Night Out]]. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 23:11, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
***Sorry then. My mistake. I need to do more lurking by the looks of it. My point about Chris attacking Slaweel still stands though. She did literally just give up to him. Not to mention that she has not done nearly as much as some of Chris's other enemies. I seem to recall one episode about Blake stealing the Master Sunstone. That apparantly would have ended life as we know it and caused all sorts of mutations and shit. What about Beel? He was an assistant to Hitler. Graduon himself had tried to wipe out two old Native American clans. Hell, even the supposedly saintly Comic Chris, has done worse than Mary. He killed 200 people by blowing up a building, caused the Gay Holocaust. Even if we assume that interfering in his Love Quest really is the ultimate sin, then wouldn't Bagget and Jerkhief be the #1 offenders? Mary gave him a stern talking to, but those two had him arrested and put on trial.--[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:44, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

==1-Episode Issue?==

I'm of the understanding that Chris limits each Sonichu issue to 100 pages maximum. Well, so far episode 21 has taken up over 3/4 of that limit. Is it safe to assume that once Episode 21 is complete, that'll be it for Sonichu 10? Because that would mean that the entire issue was basically a "clean-up" issue, in which Chris resolved just about every plot thread involving himself. If so, I think the article should reflect that a little bit more. At the moment it just talks about the circumstances of the preview's release. [[User:Xentrilus|Xentrilus]] 21:41, 18 February 2010 (UTC)

== Mass Effect 2 Joke ==

I find the joke a bit weak. I know people would say its a dating game, but Chris probably wouldn't even consider it, because he's only interested in getting a date in the real world, which I doubt Mass Effect would be able to teach him.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 00:34, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

== February 25 page dump. ==

I haven't read them yet. I'm not sure if I have the nerves of steel required for such a test of endurance. All I know is that they Torture Evan (Possibly for hours) before killing him.

Also, the torture involves castration. This is presented as an excellent coping tactic to help a young girl deal with the fact that her mother died before she was born.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:04, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

*It should be called "In which CWCville authorities detain and execute innocents with unwarranted cruelty". And I believe he was told to KILL and REMOVE Simonla, not kill her and then kill Mao, Sean, and Evan in the most contrived way possible. And after all those half-assed apologies, too! --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:14, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
**Honestly, I'm still shuddering at the Castrated, limbless Evan. Seeing that drawn in Chris's unique style... it's like an 8-year-old sketched a mutilated corpse and stuck it on the refrigerator. There's just something so fucking ''wrong'' about it.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:17, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
***If that were real life, the UN would have a field day with it. Somebody should make a fancomic where this unsavoury event is addressed and dealt with posthaste! Also, can't Evan take legal action for unwarranted use of his likeness? --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:20, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
****And sandy, is like 1 year old with the intelligence of a 4rth grader, She and her father killed evan in her comic, that's quite messed up, and kellie is about 10 and she's shooting chained people, and chris chan, using hellraiser kind of powers?The cherry on top of this cake is the whole love day speech after that.This is way, more revealing than the comic in which chris shot liquid. [[User:Basogn|Basgon]] 07:23, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*****It just epitomises what we knew of the fat bastard the whole time: that he is a hypocrite. And apparently a bipolar one at that. I found the manner of how he carried it out to be extremely immature, like a retarded 4th grader... which is what Sandy is! Coincidences, coincidences. -- [[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:40, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
****** If we called Chris detached from reality before, that was an understatement. This just proves Chris is seriously sick. If any professional saw this I fail to see how Chris wouldn't be locked up. We've seen twisted stuff before, but this is easily the most monstrous. -- [[User:CDiddles|CDiddles]] 07:44, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*******Nah, the porn was worse. Also, his answer to one of the Common questions was outright zoophilia! But the fact that he'd murder a fourteen year old is really disturbing. If I met Chris, I'd probably hit up Evan so that we could use HIM for target practise. --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:48, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*did anyone noticed that the judge is bob? [[User:Basogn|Basgon]] 07:34, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
**spioler alert: it's lewis black [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 07:59, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*** thanks for the spioler, i didn't knew who lewis black is so i thought it was bob.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 08:08, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*Someone should totally do a fancomic about Sandy thirteen years in the future, struggling to cope with what she did. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 15:46, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

SEE! SEE! I told you all this would happen! Well, anyways, Eric and I are at last able to start up on our project now that would be called Issue 10.5. --[[User:Marco|Marco]] 08:35, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

Holy shit, you guys. This... this why I read this comic. Not just for the humor, but for the uncensored, visceral look into a clearly insane man's psyche. It's simply amazing. I don't even know what to compare it to without sounding like a sociopath myself, but still... amazing. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 17:04, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
:So true. For our Narcissistic Man-Child, the Comic is this weird refuge where he can torture and destroy anyone who insulted him (I.E.; bruising his ego by refusing to bend at his command). There's real-life stories of psychos who filled many journals with unending lists of people who wronged them. Chris is just doing it with drawings. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:14, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

Haa...! Look at the Asperpedia. Their logo changed. Rocks Fall. Everyone Dies.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 17:36, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

== Worth Noting? ==

The lawyer Marvey Blaziken in this comic was likely ripped off of Harvey Birdman (being as Blaziken is based off of a bird). He even has the same super-hero facial features that Birdman has. I'm not sure where this would go though.--[[User:AIDSandstuff|AIDSandstuff]] 07:06, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
:Add him to the list of characters and make a note on things Chris ripped off, I guess.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:16, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

=

== Since He Said He's Redoing The Pages... ==

I saved in the last twenty pages so they don't get lost in the Time Void. --[[User:Marco|Marco]] 03:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

== Page 32 Hitler reference ==

I'm not 100% certain, but I think that the line "*spits* in that fuehrer's face" is a reference to either the 1944 Donald Duck cartoon "Der Fuehrer's Face" or the Spike Jones song of the same title used in the cartoon. In the song they "heil" right in the Furher's face by blowing a raspberry. Anyway, do you think it's possible that Chris has heard this song or seen the cartoon? We know he watched Donald Duck cartoons, given his habit of impersonating Donald. The song: \[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MReV9dkAVhY] and the cartoon: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4tDTe9sOdU]
--[[User:Svek|Svek]] 20:27, 30 September 2010 (PDT)
:There's no way in hell he'd known about a Spike Jones song. I could probably buy the idea of him learning it from the Donald Duck cartoon, but since that cartoon's only really seen on YouTube and not much else, I highly doubt that, as well. I think he just used that to prove that Trolling > Hitler.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 21:07, 30 September 2010 (PDT)

The song was quite a popular tune back in its days, so I think it's save to assume that he knows the song from ol' Bob--[[User:Maximilian Graves|Maximilian Graves]] 00:12, 1 October 2010 (PDT)

==The End?==
Certainly seems like it. Every antagonist is killed, homosexuals are made extinct, and Christian cements his role as the fascist dictator of CWCville by announcing Christian Love Day.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:12, 17 March 2011 (PDT)

Duck

2011-03-05T02:23:51Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris and his duck */

{{Honest}}

[[Image:SchuComicSP3P5.jpg|thumb|right|Even in the comic, it's bent. Maybe he traced it. (Later confirmed in [[Ivy Q&A]])]]

[[Image:Loch Ness.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Indeed a monster.]]

{{quote|ChrisChanSonichu (12:20:19 AM): sorry, it is limp.|Chris, on his duck.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref>}}

{{quote|MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR [[china|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!|Chris, [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]}}

'''Duck''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for penis, usually in the context of [[Chris]]'s own penis. (The genitalia of other males, and [[Silvana|those of Rosechus]], are [[pickles]].) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 [[February 2009]] [[Mumble]] chat<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> that it is an intentional euphemism.

==Chris and his duck==
Chris's penis is bent at a [[Nudes|horrifying 45° angle]], though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]], or that he did it to himself by [[mass debating]] improperly, resulting in what's known medically as a [[Wikipedia:Fractured penis|fractured penis]]. In any case, [[sex]] would be a painful experience for him.

Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref>. He even [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_the_CWCki#8_May.2C_03:09_-_03:16|edited]] the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. His claim appears highly unlikely, however, even if he measured both segments. From the looks of it, especially with the bend, Chris's cock is smaller than average. He has attempted to enlarge it with [[Wikipedia:ExtenZe|ExtenZe]], a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

Knowing that Chris is a pathological liar, he's probably just trying to impress "da ladiez," and is overcompensating. On the off-chance that Chris is indeed not lying, he still proves that having a big penis isn't everything.

Chris at least understands that his penis is of no more than average size, and he apparently regrets this fact. In [[:File:Evan_responds_to_his_death.png|an e-mail]] to [[Evan]] during their feud over [[Simonla Rosechu]], he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you."

Toward the very end of his [[Jackie E-mails 23|communications with Jackie]], Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. Determining the likelihood of this occurrence will be left as an exercise for the reader.

Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his [[Wikipedia:pubic hair|pubic hair]]. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just exposes even more ghostly pale skin.

Also, in a recently released video, he nearly gives his duck frostbite by sticking it in snow for 15 minutes.

==References by Chris==
[[Image:1256079873949.jpg|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the duck.]]
*One of the annotations from [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]] is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
*In his final [[SingStar_Challenge#Video_11|SingStar Challenge]] song, "Smell Yo Dick" (as chosen by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]), he attempts to circumvent his own rules about not changing lyrics by saying ''duck'' instead of ''dick.''
*Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the [[Kacey]] chats) or angry (in one of the [[White Knight emails]], he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring [[Rosechu]] with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
*In an [[IRC (24 October 2008)|IRC chat]] from October 2008, Chris said, concerning [[Jimmy Hill]], "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.

==Sauces==
<references />

==See Also==
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Comeuppance]]
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

File talk:JackSweetheart.jpg

2011-02-28T22:17:26Z

Dan Dash: /* Nude Set */

Anyone else here looking at her and thinking "jailbait"? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 18:40, 13 September 2010 (PDT)
*Yes,yes I do.[[User:Bealtespip122|Bealtespip122]] 18:47, 13 September 2010 (PDT)
* I was thinking "so far out Chris' league it's hilarious," but, now that you mention it... - [[User:Schismtracer|Schismtracer]] 22:06, 14 September 2010 (PDT)
* THIS IS JACKIE!? I know she said she had low standards, but come on! She could do SO MUCH better. - [[User:ninjaclown|ninjaclown]] 05:45, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
**...You really don't get how this works, do you? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:21, 15 September 2010 (PDT)

== Nude Set ==

I swear I have seen more pictures of this girl without clothes. Same bathroom and everything. Is this part of a a porn set? [[User:Dave|Dave]] 12:35, 3 December 2010 (PST)
*Gee, if only there were some kind of WEBSITE that specialized in REVERSE IMAGE SEARCHES FUCK [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:52, 3 December 2010 (PST)
**I wasn't really asking to see it, just acknowledge the existence of it. Thanks for answering the question anyways. [[User:Dave|Dave]]
***OMGWTFLYNX [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/File:1275293798115.jpg ED 2 DA RESCUE!!!]--[[User:Dan Dash|Dizzurp Dash]] 12:46, 28 February 2011 (PST)
****You might want to take away the .com at the end of that filename. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:49, 28 February 2011 (PST)
*****FIX'D--[[User:Dan Dash|Dizzurp Sizzurp]] 14:16, 28 February 2011 (PST)

File talk:JackSweetheart.jpg

2011-02-28T22:16:38Z

Dan Dash: /* Nude Set */

File talk:JackSweetheart.jpg

2011-02-28T22:14:24Z

Dan Dash: /* Nude Set */

Anyone else here looking at her and thinking "jailbait"? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 18:40, 13 September 2010 (PDT)
*Yes,yes I do.[[User:Bealtespip122|Bealtespip122]] 18:47, 13 September 2010 (PDT)
* I was thinking "so far out Chris' league it's hilarious," but, now that you mention it... - [[User:Schismtracer|Schismtracer]] 22:06, 14 September 2010 (PDT)
* THIS IS JACKIE!? I know she said she had low standards, but come on! She could do SO MUCH better. - [[User:ninjaclown|ninjaclown]] 05:45, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
**...You really don't get how this works, do you? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:21, 15 September 2010 (PDT)

== Nude Set ==

I swear I have seen more pictures of this girl without clothes. Same bathroom and everything. Is this part of a a porn set? [[User:Dave|Dave]] 12:35, 3 December 2010 (PST)
*Gee, if only there were some kind of WEBSITE that specialized in REVERSE IMAGE SEARCHES FUCK [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:52, 3 December 2010 (PST)
**I wasn't really asking to see it, just acknowledge the existence of it. Thanks for answering the question anyways. [[User:Dave|Dave]]
***OMGWTFLYNX [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/File:1275293798115.jpg ED 2 DA RESCUE!!!]--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:46, 28 February 2011 (PST)
****You might want to take away the .com at the end of that filename. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:49, 28 February 2011 (PST)

File talk:JackSweetheart.jpg

2011-02-28T20:46:04Z

Dan Dash: /* Nude Set */

Anyone else here looking at her and thinking "jailbait"? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 18:40, 13 September 2010 (PDT)
*Yes,yes I do.[[User:Bealtespip122|Bealtespip122]] 18:47, 13 September 2010 (PDT)
* I was thinking "so far out Chris' league it's hilarious," but, now that you mention it... - [[User:Schismtracer|Schismtracer]] 22:06, 14 September 2010 (PDT)
* THIS IS JACKIE!? I know she said she had low standards, but come on! She could do SO MUCH better. - [[User:ninjaclown|ninjaclown]] 05:45, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
**...You really don't get how this works, do you? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:21, 15 September 2010 (PDT)

== Nude Set ==

I swear I have seen more pictures of this girl without clothes. Same bathroom and everything. Is this part of a a porn set? [[User:Dave|Dave]] 12:35, 3 December 2010 (PST)
*Gee, if only there were some kind of WEBSITE that specialized in REVERSE IMAGE SEARCHES FUCK [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 12:52, 3 December 2010 (PST)
**I wasn't really asking to see it, just acknowledge the existence of it. Thanks for answering the question anyways. [[User:Dave|Dave]]
***OMGWTFLYNX [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/File:1275293798115.jpg.com ED 2 DA RESCUE!!!]--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:46, 28 February 2011 (PST)

File talk:JackSweetheart.jpg

2011-02-28T20:45:26Z

Dan Dash: /* Nude Set */

Family Guy

2011-01-25T23:30:06Z

Dan Dash: /* Influence on Chris */

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris's favorite ''Family Guy'' character, [[Pedofork|Herbert]]. ''Get your fat ass back here!'']]

'''''Family Guy''''' is an animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] rips it off so much in his comics.

The series is also the inspiration for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]] (srsly, and you thought his mix of him and [[Sonichu]] was bad!). Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his sketch in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, boring shit on his own.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least deriving) themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

One of the best examples of Chris's misunderstandings of the show is Chris's referencing of a scene in which [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quotes [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being that Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible hypocritical. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

It is notable that [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] holds almost the complete opposite beliefs to Chris — he is [[Wikipedia:Liberalism (United States)|liberal]], [[Wikipedia:Atheism|atheist]], supports gay marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing MacFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.
{{quote|"Why is it that Johnny Spaghetti Stain in fucking Georgia can knock a woman up, legally be married to her, and then beat the shit out of her, but these two intelligent, sophisticated writers who have been together for 20 years can't get married?"|Seth MacFarlane, supporting gay rights }}
Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears]]</ref> When he's angry — in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] — Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].

==Similarities with ''Family Guy''==
[[Image:Peter Weston Griffen.JPG|thumb|The impostor!]]

While very likely unintentional, since it is highly doubtful that Seth MacFarlane knows of Chris's existence, there are a few instances of similarity from Chris's work with ''Family Guy''.

The first few minutes of "[[Wikipedia:Road to Germany|Road to Germany]]", when Mort Goldman looks desperately for a bathroom, only to accidentally go into Stewie's new time machine, is strikingly similar to the ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' skitch.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchuComic8P5.htm ''Ghostbusters'' "skitch"]</ref>

Likewise, many trolls noticed how uncanny Peter Griffin in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Three Kings (Family Guy)|Three Kings]]" was wearing a shirt very similar to one of Chris's [[Chris and fashion|trademark shirts]]. However, the shirt was originally featured in the [[1986]] film, [[Wikipedia:Stand by Me (film)|''Stand by Me'']], on which this segment of "Three Kings" was based.<ref>[http://www.breakfastclubquotes.com/images/StandByMe1.jpg TCM advert for ''Stand by Me'']</ref>

In the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Goy|Family Goy]]", Peter falls in love with a cardboard cutout of [[Kimmi|Kathy Ireland]] and later [[Sex tape|has sex with said cutout]].

Another episode features a plot centered around the characters making a conscious effort to treat Meg better (a point of contention Chris has always had with the series). This seems mostly coincidence, except for a sequence where Peter performs as a male stripper dressed like a police officer. His stripper name? ... "[[Officer Nasty]]".

==Controversy==
A majority of the show is based off its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. The jokes would fly right over any kid's head, yet Chris believes that kids would find the show so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, most of which are lewd.

==Chris and Meg==
{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|The depths of Chris's mind. Notice that Meg is the dominant one.]]

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his comics (see [[:Image:Chrischantraced2.jpg|here]]).

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

It is unknown what his opinion of Meg is following all the "nasty-ass" sex she had with the [[niggo]] Jerome in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Jerome Is the New Black|Jerome Is the New Black]]".

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris went and inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him. However, he revealed this to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, though to what purpose remains to be seen.

==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give [[Meg Griffin|Megan]] more respect, because she IS VERY BEATIFUL in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==''American Dad!''==
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley.": [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]]. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of equality or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

==''The Cleveland Show''==
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, a recent episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100_2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to Jackie's chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat VIII]]</ref>

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the plot he posted on the CWCipedia.

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

At no point does Chris suggest anything that could possibly lead into a joke. Even if you don't like the show, you've got to admit that it's funnier than what he suggests.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos|homosexuality]] and his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]]. Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

{{quotebox|Family Guy
-Megan does not deserve the abuse she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!

-Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up Straight.

-Chris finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of Season 6, Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in Season 7?

-While I can see Brain looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?

-In "Road to Multiverse", in the "Robot Chicken" Universe, Stewie asks Seth Greene through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my PS3, the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some.

American Dad
-There should be More Stories starring Haley.

The Cleveland Show
-I do not care for all the dick jokes. }}

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}

* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with Peter Griffin.
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

2012

2011-01-02T22:28:00Z

Dan Dash:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2012''':

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in 2012]]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' Two years after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]
[[Image:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|"ALL Sonichus are [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
* '''SPOILER ALERT:''' Chris still [[virgin with rage|won't have a girlfriend]]
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally kicks the bucket. He then goes on to successfully [[Bob Walks In|cut down the]] [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse, and [[Medallion|pieces of Crayola model magic]] are found [[Julie Reveals Herself|shoved up her anus]]. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Decorated officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Bagget orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris' rectum contained an environment so volatile that it spawned the first recorded traces of [[PS3|Silicon-Based Life.]]
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Lucy Liu as [[Vivian Gee]], Bruce Willis as [[Cole Smithey]] and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu). Cole tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.
*On December 21st, Patti returns from hell to feast on the souls of all humanity. In two brief hours, most of the planet is reduced to cinders, and from the ashes of devastation, a new civilization would struggle to arise.
<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in 2012.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in 2012.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica Rosechu]] in 2012.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla Rosechu]] could have looked like in 2012.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

List of Sonichu characters

2010-12-07T20:36:09Z

Dan Dash: /* Greta Squall */

The following is a '''list of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' characters''', in order of [[fail|appearance]].

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
===Christian Weston Chandler===
{{main|Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris-Chan Sonichu|Collosal Chan|Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan}}

[[File:ColossalChrisChanVSMaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|The heroic Christian Weston Chandler!]]

Chris-chan's alternate self and [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]], who, believe it or not, is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much thinner than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even ''more'' psychotic than Real Chris, having [[4-cent_garbage.com|murdered hundreds of people]] in a [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorist]] attack, permanently crippled [[Liquid Chris|several]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|others]], [[Gun Comic|blown out people's kneecaps with a handgun]] after they've surrendered, [[Sonichu 0|destroyed]] the home life of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job, carried out a mini-Holocaust on [[Homos|homosexuals]], and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed in brutal and inhumane ways. For making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]]. And all with a gleeful smile on his face. His medallion allows him to don a [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursuit]] when he shouts the phrase ''Electric Hedgehog Power!'', and he can access his [[Collosal Chan|Collosal]] form with the use of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].

Christian first appeared right on the front cover of [[Issue 0]], ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in [[Issue 2]], which portrayed him as a descendant of the [[Cherokian Clan]] and fulfiller of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Chris has since made himself and his [[love quest]] the [[Chris and his ego|center of attention]] and main focus of the comic in every issue (with a [[Sonichu 8|few exceptions]]).

===Sonichu===
{{main|Sonichu (character)|Ultra Sonichu}}

[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|left|'I am [[gay|STRAIGHT!]]']]
Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolor who is an unholy fusion of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokemon|a Pikachu]]. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Christian had taken over as the main character, and by [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris had added [[Chaotic Combo|a new batch of recolors]] who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], despite Chris's return, as he transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]] and helped Chris in his killing spree.

===Rosechu===
{{main|Rosechu|The Incredible Lioness}}

[[Sonichu]]'s worthless, 0-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. [[Women's rights|This is Chris's idea of how women behave]], likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

===Sonic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog}}

[[Sega]] mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic. He makes a few appearances in the comic, most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], after Rosechu gets kidnapped. [[Women's rights|Again]].

Sonic also appears on the front cover of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'

===Perfect Chaos Monster===
[[Image:Perfect_Chaos.jpg|thumb|right|Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonic X'' vs Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonichu''. Kinda lost his luster, huh?]]

'''Perfect Chaos''', or [[CWC-isms|"Perfect Chaos Monster"]] as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of [[Station Square]]. Sonic defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the ''positive'' energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in the [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of his [[Sonichu (comic)|new comic book series]]. The ''Sonichu'' series begins with a male [[Pikachu]] wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an [[Rainbow|unexplained phenomenon]] which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the ''Sonic Adventure'' game so that Sonic is [[Chris and his ego|little more than an assistant to Chris's original character]]). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of ''Sonichu''.

===Trainer Kel===
{{main|Kel}}

[[File:KelHallOfFame.jpg|thumb|left|Wait, when did Kel ever see Rosechu again?]]
Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into [[Rosechu]]. Continued to take care of Rosechu until [[Sonichu]] took over as her new pimp. She then disappeared for a long time, but when [[Sean August Watley]] later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became [[Death threats|very upset]]. When Sean was executed in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.

Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparently had came through the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with [[Naitsirhc]] at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu]</ref> This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point-blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non canon.

===David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite===
{{main|Pokemon}}

A [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]] Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]" even for her loose, gaping [[China]], and suggesting Kel [[Patti-Chan|have sex with him herself]]. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will [[Chris and writing#Kudzu plot|never know]].

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0]] (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created [[Simonla|gender-benders]] before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a [[lesbian]] relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

===Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc===
{{main|Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc}}
[[File:082-ReldnahcNotsewNaitsirhc.jpg|thumb|100px|You can tell he's gay because he is shirtless. Straight men wear [[Muscle bra|bras]]!]]

Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the [[Pokémon]] villain [[Giovanni]], and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When [[Chris]] fell into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], his [[Medallion]] also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "[[gay|straight]]" twin.

Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after [[Black Sonichu]], which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Christian [[Rape|pins him down]] and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, [[Chris and reality|homosexuality makes you evil]]. He was then sent to [[Kel]].

===Zapdos===
{{main|Pokemon}}

An electric type [[Pokémon]] and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of [[Black Sonichu]].

===Jerkhief===
{{main|Jerkhief}}

[[Image:MyWoodenBadgeWasDelicious.jpg|thumb|left|Chris did once explain what this line meant. It made no more sense afterward than before.]]
Leader of the [[Jerkops]]. The Jerkhief is a massive [[African American]] man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"

He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the [[CWCville]] Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of [[fail|good]]!

===Jerkops===
{{main|Jerkops}}
Villainous foot-soldiers of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his [[Love Quest]]. They are supposedly brainwashed [[slow-in-the-minds]] and College students. In spite of this, Christian has [[Chris and death|no qualms in killing them]], and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders (aside from Mary and [[Count Graduon]]) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.

===Metonic===
{{main|Metonic}}

Evolved form of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Vamprosa===
{{main|Vamprosa}}

Evolved form of [[Rosechu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Barbara Chandler===
{{main|Barbara Chandler}}

Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from [[Naitsirhc]] in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Giovanni===
{{main|Giovanni}}
[[File:Giovanni1.jpg|thumb|Remember when Giovanni was cool?]]

The leader of Team Rocket and villain of the first generation [[Pokemon]] games, Giovanni is determined to capture [[Sonichu]] at any cost. He teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, as Sonichu unexpectedly got help in dealing with the kidnappers, rather than going in alone like a [[retard]], as they expected him to do. However, he only got help from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] because he bumped into him on his way to the base. So Sonichu is still retarded, just lucky.

Later on, Giovanni seems to have reevaluated his goals, and now seeks to take over [[CWCville]] and kill Christian, as he joined forces with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and helped them out during their attack on the city in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Surprisingly, he seemed to want his son Reldnahc to rule the city, rather than wanting it for himself. This shows that at least Giovanni thinks of others sometimes rather than himself, which is more than can be said for our heroes.

===Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik===
{{main|Doctor Robotnik}}

[[File:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|left|Even Eggman was never this flamboyant.]]
Recurring villain of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, 'Dr. Eggman', as he is known, has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers; Eggmanland. In ''Sonichu'', however, he shows up to help Giovanni devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the PVCC. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching pokemon, or why he has any kind of grudge against [[Chris and his ego|Chris of all people]] is a mystery that not even [[GodJesus]] could solve.

Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] and the nigh unstoppable E-Series robots, as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course Metal Sonic. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge satellite, (As seen in ''Sonic Unleashed'') that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. In spite of having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle again Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.

===Team Rocket===
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures [[Pokémon]] (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in [[CWCville]].

Team Rocket is run by [[Giovanni]] and his retarded homosexual son, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

They are also responsible for the creation of [[Blake]].

=== Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist) ===
[[File:Bill1.png|thumb| Dr. Bill Schwartz the Scientist]]
One of the most popular characters in Sonichu lore, Bill Schwartz, PhD, was a genetics researcher for [[Team Rocket]] during the organization's brief alliance with [[Robotnik|Ivo Robotnik]]. It was Bill's duty to prepare [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu's]] DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of [[Blake|the clone]] until it took on a black color.

It was for quite some time fanon, that Bill was getting high somewhere on the Moon together with Chris's other forgotten Sonichu characters, such as the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]], [[Metal Sonichu]], and [[Yawning Squirtle]], which ended up being the premise for the troll comic, Moon-Pals. Chris, probably angry about the comic portraying Bill as a stoner, declared this depiction of him invalid on [[Twitter]], saying Bill was still in employ of Giovanni, and would be returning in comic. Bill later appears in [[Sonichu 10]], stating that he [[Chris and English|stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days]]. Bill later appears, along with [[Kel]] and [[Allison Amber]], to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.

===Black Sonichu/Blake===
{{main|Black Sonichu}}
[[File:254-BlachuPose.jpg|thumb|left|Doesn't he remind you of [[Shadow the Hedgehog|someone]]?]]

Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's [[semen|DNA]], which Naitsirhc obtained in [[fapcup|battle]]. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for [[Giovanni]], and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with [[Bubbles]]. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic rape at the hands of a [[Silvana Rosechu|trannie]].

He also has his own superform, in the same vein as [[Ultra Sonichu]], named [[Wall of Originals|Silver Blachu]]. It is never seen in the comic, though.

Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu strips, [[Love quest|stalking]] [[Rosechu]].

=== Metal Sonichu ===
The [[Sonichu]] rip-off of Metal Sonic, he is one of the few characters even Chris will admit is a rip-off. (Despite this, he has [[Alec]]'s derivative character Metal [[Asperchu]] refer to [[Collosal Chan|GodMode!Chris]] as the "original creator", either implying that Chris wanted to claim Metal Sonichu as original all along, or he wanted to [[Chris and copyright|take credit for another one of Alec's characters]]). Sadly, though, he blames Robotnik for it. After being defeated by Sonic and Sonichu in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] he crashes into the fucking [[moon]]; however, he survives this attack, as evident by his hand rising out of one of the craters resulting in a cliffhanger.

The fans speculated that Chris probably just forgot about him and he will never be heard of again, but after being constantly reminded about him in the [[Mailbag]], and after Sean used Metal Sonichu for Moon-Pals, Chris suddenly declared that that Metal Sonichu would be returning at some point in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] or [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], and that he would become a vessel for the recently-returned [[Count Graduon]] and become the new villain, since he had already removed every other villain from the comic entirely, and [[Fail|left nothing for his characters to do anymore]].
{{-}}
<center><gallery>
Image:MetalSonichu.jpg|The [[fail]] almost leaps off of the page!
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg|In [[Animal Crossing]] card form.
Image:221-ACMSchuBck.jpg|Yeah...
Image:222-YuMSchu.jpg|[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] variation.
</gallery></center>

 

===Amy Rose===
{{main|Amy Rose}}
[[File:Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|200px|thumb|'I had no idea that the [[Metal Gear Solid|Les Enfants Terribles Project]] had gone this far!']]

[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s love interest. Amy Rose in the [[video games]] is a 12 year old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often pursues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation.

That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in ''Sonic Adventure'', where she singlehandedly defeated the Zero robot and in ''Sonic Adventure 2'', where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In ''Sonichu'', however, all her personality is gone and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any rosechu. She shows up for a couple of pages in [[Issue 1]] where she talks with Rosechu at CWCville Mall about meaningless bullshit. Interestingly, the page shows how much Chris ended up copying her design for Rosechu.

===Hanna===
{{main|Hanna}}

A woman who [[trolled]] Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his [[Attraction Sign]]. Chris, epic lulzcow that he is, not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.

The ''Sonichu'' version of Hanna is apparently an agent of PVCC, and the only troll in the entire comic to to not be a cackling evil bastard, probably due to being a woman.

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==

===Wes Iseli===
{{main|Wes Iseli|Wasabi Rival}}

[[File:Wes Iseli.jpg|thumb|left|In his Wes-Li Sonichu form.]]
Sarah Hammer's IRL boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee.

When Chris fulfilled the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] by becoming [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become [[Wes-Li Sonichu]]. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating [[Count Graduon]]. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], and attending [[Mary Lee Walsh|Mary Lee Walsh's]] villain conclave in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as assisting in the attack on CWCville during [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Hammer|Queen of the Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:Sonichu02-P13.jpg|thumb|Sarah as she appears in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].]]

Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furfag just like himself.

As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against [[Count Graduon]]. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone. Sarah then got married to another man, rejecting Chris yet again, and she left the city of CWCville entirely. She did cameo once more however, in [[Sonichu Special 2]], where she dressed in drag and attended the ceremony of Christian's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], acting as his best man.

===Keeper of the Destiny Cave===
An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his [[Medallion]] to transform into his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursona]]. After revealing the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with [[Yawning Squirtle]], if he's smart.

===Mary Lee Walsh===
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|left|For some reason, Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Mary Lee Walsh first appeared in the comics in [[Issue 2]], but a preview of her design was shown in [[Issue 0]], and she had been mentioned in both [[sub-episodes]] that had been in previous comics. In her first full appearance, she was wielding the staff of [[Count Graduon]], and directing the Golem attacking [[CWCville]]. This is thought to be her canonical first appearance as well, and it is believed that the subepisodes all take place after [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], since the very first sub-episode features Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Throughout the comics, she did nothing but throw wave after wave of [[Jerkops]], [[Manajerks]] and other PVCC agents at Chris. Occasionally she'd help out herself, and sometimes she'd just kick back and let her robots handle it. She captured [[Crystal Weston Chandler]] in the Dark Mirror Hole at one point, but it had very little lasting consequence. Christian later confronted her as Hobo-Chan in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. There, she let Chris destroy Graduon's staff and she surrendered. Not content, Christian attacked her with two large swords. It ended with her being paralyzed for life and put in prison.

===Count Graduon===
{{main|Count Graduon}}

[[Image:Count_Graduon.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon, the most [[Homos|phallic]] villain in the ''Sonichu'' series.]]
The Evil released when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the [[Cherokian Clan]]. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has secretly manipulated [[Silvana Rosechu]] to become his trannie rape weapon against the [[fail|heroic]] Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. He was supposedly destroyed in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but Chris has stated that he would bring Graduon back in a later issue, and that he would have possessed Metal Sonichu.

===Golem===
A weapon used by [[Count Graduon]] after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked [[CWCville]], [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]],[[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and [[Saramah Rosechu]] teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2, where it originally appeared as a boss controlled by Eggman.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===The Chaotic Combo===
{{main|Chaotic Combo}}

Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the [[Rainbow]] that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. They would form the central cast of ''Sonichu'' for the rest of the comic, outranking even the original Sonichu in the CWCville hierarchy.

===Wild Sonichu===
{{main|Wild Sonichu}}
[[Image:Wild parenting tips.jpg|thumb|left|Wild Sonichu, advising his one year old daughter on how best to mutilate a man's genitals.]]

The green recolor and a sort of leader to the group. Wild also partially rips off Spiderman. He was apparently raised by a clan of weird ninja Scythers and a Venusaur. Once his father was kidnapped, he forgot all about him.

Later in life he became another member of the Great Director's private army and he served as another footsoldier in the many battles against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and PVCC. During the middle of all this dumbfuckery, he attended a Dating Education class and got paired up with a mindless twit named [[Simonla Rosechu]]. Simonla was later killed, but fortunately for Wild, the [[Sandy Rosechu|bastard child]] which resulted from all sex he had with her [[Chris and art#Originality|looked almost exactly like Simonla in every single way]].

===Bubbles Rosechu===
{{main|Bubbles Rosechu}}
[[File:Iamnotretarded.jpg|thumb|Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, Bubbles.]]

The sky-blue recolor and an airheaded slut. According to [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], she was raised as a child by a random Swampert who happened to find her. One day, a Boulder-Dropping Whale randomly attacked her mother, and she forced herself to evolve so that she could save her. Some time later, she met the rest of the Combo when they all united under the common goal of beating up a [[Niggos|black guy]]. She does nothing for the rest of the comic besides fucking [[Blake]]. She finds a [[Sonichu Ball]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], if you can count that as doing something. Oh, and there was one point where she failed to tell the difference between [[Silvana|a trannie]] and her own boyfriend even when told the answer by a psychic.

Since everyone saw Bubbles as a stupid whore, she was portrayed as the idiot of the group in the webcomic [[Asperchu]]. Some time later, Christian established on her [[CWCipedia]] article that Bubbles was supposedly a very intelligent girl and had studied with the people of Atlantis. As you would expect, none of this was shown in the comics, and Bubbles still acts like a stupid whore.

===Angelica Rosechu===
{{main|Angelica Rosechu}}
[[Image:271-Angelica.jpg|thumb|left|Angelica, the embodiment of the Antichrist.]]

A white recolor. Angelica Rosechu was made to be a religious type, specifically a catholic. Her backstory explains that she was taken in by a convent of nuns, who raised her to be a devout Christian and named her Angelica after her resemblance of the biblical angels. Despite this, Angelica still grew up to be a filthy whore and a violent mercenary of [[CWCville]]. She eventually evolved one night in her sleep. Christian also [[Chris and writing|SOMEHOW]] knew who she was and that she had evolved, and showed up at her window to give her shoes and a scrunchie, which he left on her bed for her to find when she woke up. That's not creepy or anything.

She later became heavily entrenched in Christian's war against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]], and may very well have killed several people in the battle. This is pure speculation however. What isn't speculation though, was that she did, in fact, ''personally execute'' [[Alec Benson Leary]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. After reading him the last rites of course. [[Chris and religion|Because you know, she's religious]]. She also said 'May God have mercy' whilst doing so. This may indicate that on some level she knows that what she is doing is wrong, but it's likely that she was referring to Alec, because like Chris, she also has a huge [[ego]], and genuinely believes that people should be killed for making [[parody]] webcomics. Like Bubbles, she is also a slut. She put out for Reginald Sneasel on the first date and she has been known to [[Media:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG|do things in church that would make Jesus himself cry.]]

===Punchy Sonichu===
{{main|Punchy Sonichu}}

[[Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy, the Asian one.]]
The red one. Punchy is not even a recolor. He is an exact duplicate of Knuckles the Echidna, who was already red. The only difference between them is that Punchy is far more retarded and has racist looking slanty eyes.

Punchy was born in a dojo somewhere after his egg crash landed there. Immediately after hatching, he was challenged to a sparring match by the Dojo owner's daughter and student, Mypoe, who [[Dragon Ball Z|ripped off his tail since it was a weakness]]. He then punched her through the roof and probably killed her. This is where his name came from. The dojo owner, [[Excel Saga|G.D.W. Shinabe]], then took it upon himself to train the infant murderer, and teach him how to properly use martial arts. This training was wasted on Punchy however, who just ended up using [[pokemon]] attacks for the rest of his life. Punchy later got caught up with the rest of the gang, and formed the Chaotic Combo with them. Shortly afterward, his master died under mysterious circumstances and he apparently inherited the dojo. Punchy then spent the rest of ''Sonichu'' fighting Jerkops and related enemies. He got a break from the routine in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where he took the [[Dating Education]] courses to try and learn how best to hook up with Angelica. As it turned out, Angelica would have been easy, but due to circumstances, Punchy ended up with another whore named Layla Flaaffy. Since [[Women's rights|all women are the same in Sonichu]], Punchy just rolled with it and had sex with her anyway. He later also participated in the [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] executions.

===Magi-Chan Sonichu===
{{main|Magi-Chan Sonichu}}
[[Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|thumb|left|When you turn your back, he's going to stab you.]]

The purple recolor. Magi-Chan was born in a mysterious cave where, upon hatching, he was contacted by the Pokémon Mewtwo, who trained him with his powers. Upon evolving into Magi-Chan, he promptly let out a fart. His training complete, Mewtwo left him and Magi-Chan would go on join the Chaotic Combo. Despite his awesome powers, Wild Sonichu was chosen over Magi-Chan as leader of the Chaotic Combo. It would be Magi-Chan who would serve as the means to locate the Sonichu Balls from their locations, accidentally causing Chris to be lost in the [[Time Void]]. He would also fight Silvana from time to time as he attempted to save her from Graduon. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he frees Chris from the Time Void, goes into the future to bring the cure for homosexuality back to the present, but starts suffering due to that, yammering something about a crisis only Chris could avoid, failing to find a man high off his ass and failing to stop Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla.

=== Sonee and Rosey ===
{{main|Sonee & Rosey}}

The (irritating) baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], who appear on the first page of [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]. Technically, baby versions of Sonichu and Rosechu could never exist since they were created directly from a Pikachu and Raichu respectively, but that didn't stop Chris from creating them. They never made a canon appearance, but Chris [[Recycling|recycled]] the designs for [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]].

===Scyther===
{{main|Pokemon}}

[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|right|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu. [[Chris and art|We think]].]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild told Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a [[fail|failure]] to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

===Venusaur===
{{main|Pokemon}}
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.

===Swampert===
{{main|Pokemon}}

A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to and end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

=== Boulder-Dropping Whale ===
{{main|Pokemon}}

[[Image:Boulder_Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised [[Bubbles Rosechu]], and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.
[[Image:Wailord.png|200px|thumb|An actual Wailord.]]
Originally identified as a common whale in the [[Audiobooks]], Chris stated in [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|a blog in January 2010]] that it is a Wailord, a [[Pokémon]] that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite.

Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals '''Bill''', '''Metal Sonichu''', and '''[[Yawning Squirtle]]''', getting high as fuck.

=== Nuns ===
[[Image:Schununs.jpg|thumb|"The Lord has sent us an egg, sister. Tonight, we'll have omelets"]]
The two nuns that raised [[Angelica]], even though ''real'' nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica, they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words ''bless'' and ''Lord'' frequently.

In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from. Chris stated in the [[videobooks]] that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, ''and'' they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.

===G.D.W. Shinabe===
[[Image:Shinabe.jpg|thumb|left|Let it never be said Chris has no respect for [[copyright]]. He at least advertises the stuff he rips off.]]
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris's many horrible ''[[Excel Saga]]'' references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', a follow-up project to ''Excel Saga''.

In ''Sonichu'', Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts [[Punchy Sonichu]] and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for ''Great Director Watanabe'', a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.

If Christian's "Sonichu" article on [[CWCipedia]] is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason ''during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo''.

=== Mypoe ===
[[Image:Schumypoe.jpg|120px|thumb|A classic example of fanservice in ''Sonichu'']]
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of ''Puni Puni Poemy'', depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble [[Excel Saga|Excel]] instead. Despite this, Chris claims that the [[lie|two characters are not related]].<ref>I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.284:11_to_6:01.29</ref> In ''Sonichu'', Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged [[Punchy Sonichu]] to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a ''weak point'', and should be removed (a concept stolen from [[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the Dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.

Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the [[trolls|fans]]. She has a special place in their hearts due to being the only character that tried to put a Sonee out of its miserable existence shortly after birth.

=== Mewtwo ===
{{main|Pokemon}}

[[Image:Mewtwo.JPG|thumb|left|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokemon team. It can be assumed that this is the same one.

===Flame the Sunbird===
{{main|Flame the Sunbird}}

Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokemon, yet he readily uses Pokemon attacks, such as Drill Peck.

===Black Manajerk===
{{main|B-Manajerk}}

[[Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|thumb|100px|Black Manajerk, the badass.]]
Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his [[Love Quest]] at [[Mal-Wart]]. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic]], confront Chris after the [[Jerkhief]] tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with [[Mecha-Jerkops]], and Chris is aided by [[Darkbind Sonichu]]. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his [[Medallion]]. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention after Chris was sucked into the [[Time Void]].

[[Chris and race|And yes, the 'B' in B-Manajerk does stand for Black]].

===Merried Seinor Comic===
{{main|Merried Seinor Comic}}

Companion of [[B-Manajerk]], Merried Seinor Comic, also known as Kirby, is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's in which Chris was loitering that day. In ''Sonichu'', he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.

===Wal-Mart Manajerk===
{{main|W-M-Manajerk}}

[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Truly an inspiration to us all.]]
The ruler of the [[Mal-Wart]] region, W-M-Manajerk confronts Chris shortly after [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other [[Manajerks]], W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his [[Medallion]] with the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his "dream sibling", [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.

Particularly worrying was that according to dialogue, Chris and Crystal were surprised to learn he could survive in just his head form after they removed it from his body, implying that they had intended to murder the helpless man.

===Darkbind Sonichu===
{{main|Darkbind Sonichu}}

[[Image:081-Darkbind.jpg|130px|thumb|right|Dear Lord, he's even [[gay]]er than [[Magi-Chan]]!]]
Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the [[Manajerks]] at the [[Mal-Wart]] region, but leaves just before the [[W-M-Manajerk]] shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.

Darkbind would later return to repel [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s invasion of [[CWCville]] in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] to re-awaken his beloved [[Zelina Rosechu]]. He finally achieves this in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], and then starts crying.

===Mecha-Jerkops===
{{main|Mecha-Jerkops}}

Mechanical [[Jerkops]] used by the [[Manajerks]] to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops. One wonders what was the point was when actual Jerkops are far more capable and numerous.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
=== Crystal Weston Chandler ===
{{main|Crystal Weston Chandler (character)}}

Chris's imaginary sister. A virtual duplicate of Chris with the exception of being a female, she is created by the power of Chris's [[Pixelblock]] [[Heart Torch]], giving her sentience. Like Chris, she can become a Rosechu - Crystalina Rosechu - through her own medallion. She later spends half of the comic trapped away in a [[Dark Mirror Hole|mirror]] before being rescued as an afterthought.

=== Snorlax ===
{{main|Pokemon}}

A [[Snorlax]] who briefly appeared in Christian's 'Backyard Safari' [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1500 pounds]] and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Chris and hypocrisy|How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops]].

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

=== ScotPalazzo ===
{{main|ScotPalazzo}}

ScotPalazzo is the [[Manajerk]] of Fa-Square, from the Sho-Mall Region. He is based on the manager who called the [[Jerkhief]] on Chris in real life, though he did not appear in ''Sonichu'' until Sub-Episode 6, where he for some reason became jealous that Chris had his own TV show; CWC's Backyard Safari. He decided once he was done watching it to order more Jerkops after Chris, since he was once again persisting to [[Love Quest|solicit sex in a public place]] and was still [[Story of my current days|resisting arrest]]. Or at least, that would be the [[Honest|truthful]] reason. In ''Sonichu'', however, it's because he hates love, since it caused his mother's murder suicide somehow. It's likely that the real ScotPalazzo's mother did no such thing, but Chris for some reason thinks that [[Trolls|anyone who dislikes him]] at all must have terrible and tragic lives, since [[Chris and his ego|only people with no life could ever possibly hate Chris]]! That said, ScotPalazzo is probably the only villain in Sonichu, at least until [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], to have any kind of motivation, so no one's complaining. ScotPalazzo also attended Mary's villain convention after Chris was lost to the [[Time Void]].

=== Turdijerk ===
{{main|Turdijerk}}

Turdijerk is the Manajerk of the [[Get-Tar]] region. He appears in Sub-Episode 7, where he tells Chris to get out of his store because he is loitering on private property again and scaring off his customers. Unlike with previous cases where he has provoked Manajerks into a fight, this time Chris just attacked them outright after they asked him to leave. Not caring for being assaulted by loitering manchildren, Turdijerk calls [[Bagget|Marcus Bagget]] to come and deal with the potentially dangerous Chris before he attacks any more of his employees. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention.

=== Trebor Capman ===
{{main|Trebor Capman}}

Turdijerk's assistant and the second victim of Christian's unwarranted attack on the store manager. It can be assumed that his real name is Robert, given Chris's legendary love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]]. He was also present at the villain convention with his boss Turdijerk.

=== Marcus Bagget ===
{{main|Bagget}}

{{Incomplete}}

=== Crackder ===
{{main|Crackder}}

{{Incomplete}}

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===William Spicer===
The husband of Sarah Hammer. Because Chris had no clue as to what William actually looked like, Chris depicted him as a Jack's Knight, a card from the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card game franchise.

===Megan Schroeder (Meg-Chan)/Sailor Megtune===
{{main|Megan Schroeder|Sailor Megtune}}
Chris's second love interest. Based off of the actual Megan Schroeder, she moonlights as a Sailor Senshi, devoted to aiding Chris whenever he can't get off his own fat rear to do so. She quickly leaves the series after her real life counterpart gives Chris the boot in the aftermath of his ED discovery.

===Megagi La Skunk===
{{main|Megagi La Skunk}}
Megan's skunk companion. Starting out as a butch, tomboyish character with more personality than the rest of the rosechus, she loses this personality as she gains a boyfriend in Bionic, devolving into a cheerleader by Issue 9.

===Harriet, Joseph, Julia, Nick===
Couples harrassed by Jerkops.

===Jamsta Sonichu===
{{main|Jamsta Sonichu}}

DJ for KCWC and one of the few Sonichus shown that weren't created by the Chaotic Rainbow. He has no obvious powers and speaks in outdated slang. Interestingly, Jamsta's the actual ORIGINAL Sonichu, yet he wasn't discovered and named until later, giving Sonichu all the credit.

===CWCVille Constable===
One of the few non-Jerkops in CWCVille.

===CADD Chef (alias Keneru-Meneth)===
{{main|CADD Chef}}

Another one of Slaweel's minions who only complains about building designs. The character is based off of Chris's Computer-Aided Drafting and Design and the South Park character Chef.

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==

===Patti-Chan===
{{Main|Patti Chandler|Patti-Chan}}

Chris's beloved dog. As her twilight years prepared to come to an end, a combination of eating a four-leaf clover and moonbeams transformed Patti into Patti-Chan. Realizing what had happened, Chris brought his dog to CWCVille so it can live on forever. She uses her magic to protect the Mayor's office in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], then kills Alec in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] because "she's not a zombie."

===Allison Amber===
{{main|Allison Amber}}

Chris's mayoral secretary. Once a prominent Hollywood star, she gave up the fame and fortune to work in the CWCVille Mayor's office. When Chris is cast into the Time Void, Allison takes over until his complete return. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], she kills Sean for his promiscuous depiction of her in ''Moon-Pals''.

===Shadow the Hedgehog===
{{main|Shadow the Hedgehog|Christian & The Hedgehog Boys}}

The Ultimate Life Form created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, this [[stress|angst-filled]] hedgehog is the focal point of a number of Sonic games made in the mid-2000s and is the inspiration of Blake. Despite not appearing in the comics proper, Shadow DOES make an appearance in an ad for Christian and the Hedgehog Boys' solo album.

===Zelina Rosechu===
{{main|Zelina Rosechu}}

Darkbind Sonichu's love interest. She is put under a spell through the locked power of the Sonichu Crystals prior to the start of the series. She's awakened and turns out to be the same as all the other vapid Rosechus in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

===Clawdorf===
{{main|Clawdorf}}

Darkbind Sonichu's deadly foe. After putting Zelina into a deep sleep, he is accidentally turned into stone and left in a cave. He is presumed freed by Ultra Sonichu.

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Bionic the Hedgehog}}

Chris's first creation before Sonichu came into play. Thought up of after getting smacked with a Sonichu Crystal (later altered to be a basketball), Bionic became Chris's first creation. He would go into obscurity until Naitsirhc arrived on the scene, knocking out the villain with a basketball. He would soon fall in love with Megagi and go and aid Chris in his adventures, culminating in Bionic electrocuting Alec.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==

===Mighty the Armadillo===

Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Arm'''or'''dillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the [[Sonic The Hedgehog]] video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by ''Sonichu'' readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
 

===Sammy===
{{main|Sammy}}

A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical ''[[Family Guy]]'' style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate caricature of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
 

===Skelevision and Ghost Buggy===
{{main|Ghostbusters}}

Items used by the Filmation Ghostbusters in their adventures. Sammy busts through them in his "Family Guy Skitch" in his confused state.

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Andes}}

One of Chris's old classmates and one of his old high school crushes. She appears in Episode 15, discovering Chris's nude picks and is revealed to have warned Rosechu in Episode 17. Interestingly, she is one of the few who ''doesn't'' get a retconned name change.

===Bender Bending Rodreiguez===
{{main|Futurama}}

A lazy self-absorbed robot who gets his kicks off of robbing people, getting drunk and all around being lazy, especially with his friend Philip J. Fry. Doesn't ''that'' sound like someone we know. Bender is seen spiraling through the time stream as Chris, Sonichu and Magi-Chan travel on.

===Joseph Herring===
{{main|Joseph Herring}}

One of the many people affected by Slaweel's attacks, this pimply faced man, later renamed Joe Herr, is seen lamenting about the loss of his girlfriend. The character is based off of a man by the same name who actually looked pretty decent.

===Beavis and Butt-Head===
{{main|Beavis and Butt-Head}}

MTV's legendary icons for all things 1990, Beavis and Butt-Head were two idiotic teens who got their kicks through destruction, pervert antics and all around being complete and utter idiots. And America ''mostly'' loved them. They show up in Episode 16 slamming a locker door, mimicking a scene from one of their shorts.

===Janekops===
[[Image:Janekops.jpg|thumb|100px|You have the right to remain ''sexayyyyy'']]

Female [[Jerkops]]. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. Presumably, then, any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at [[PVCC]] in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.

===Jason Kendrick Howell===
{{main|Jason Kendrick Howell}}

The head of 4-cent_garbage, Jason Kendrick Howell is the bald-headed, eye-patch wearing cause of Chris's torment in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. Based off of the person by the same name whom Chris believes put up the Chris-Chan ED page, Jason is shown as apathetic to Sonichu's pleas before he launches a pickle at Rosechu, causing her to transform into the [[Incredible Lioness]] and face rape him. He would return in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], only to decide he was going to retire from trolling Chris because tormenting him is WRONG.

===Kathleen===
{{main|Kathleen}}

Kathleen is Jason's "woman slave", seen wearing an odd BDSM outfit and in a crawling position. She stays ever faithful by Jason's side throughout the whole thing. She is based off the woman by the same name, who was Jason's girlfriend at the time.

===Blanca===
{{main|Blanca}}

The first of many troll gal-pals to appear in the comics. Blanca was the creator of Jiggliami and was present at the interview with Jamsta. In issue 8, however, it's revealed that she went back to Kentucky to be with her boyfriend.

===Jiggliami===
{{main|Jiggliami}}

Blanca's creation, an odd fusion of Amy Rose and a Jigglypuff. She is a songstress who's seeking to become popular. She appears in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] with an interview with Jamsta and in a Spring Break concert in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], helping the Chaotic Combo before disappearing forever.

===Lolisa Rosechu===
{{main|Lolisa Rosechu}}

Jamsta's assistant on his radio show. Oddly, she is also the oldest Rosechu of the bunch, but because this is Chris's comic, she is conveniently shoved aside so that Rosechu is the first, thus named after her.

===Robert Simmons V===
{{main|Robert Simmons V}}

Another troll who made his way into the comic as a major fan of the comics. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he appears at Jiggliami's interview. However, after Chris learned the truth of the man, he retconned it in his [[Videobooks]] by saying he was arrested for getting too close to Chris.

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==

===Lovey and Thurston Howell III===
{{main|Lovey Howell|Thurston Howell III}}
[[Image:Howells.jpg|thumb|200px|The "S" in "Sonichu" stands for "Subtlety".]]

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] with a scathing [[parody]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no [[anime]] or ''[[Family Guy]]'' characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found '''Thurston Howell III''' and '''Lovey Howell''', the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series ''Gilligan's Island''. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.

Appearing outside the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointless exercise, as Chris had already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his [[Sonichu (website)|website]], [[YouTube]] videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in [[2008]].

===Beel===
{{main|Beel}}

The secretary at 4-cent_garbage, he is a devil-like creature with the [[homos|gayest]] pants ever. He shows up briefly in Episode 17, but is more prominently shown in Episode 21, stealing Chris's medallion, before having it teleported away, then blasted to kingdom come. He returns just in time to berate Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus over their trolling of Chris (comparing it to working with Adolf Hitler) before disappearing.

===4-cent_garbage.com employees===
{{main|4-cent_garbage}}

The workers of 4-cent_garbage. They are busy trolling people get getting drunk off their ass. Chris reappears to briefly sock one of them in the face. In Episode 21, Chris returns fully and destroys the building, kill about 100 of the employees.

===George W. Bush===
{{main|George W. Bush}}

42nd President of the United States and son of the 40th President, George H. W. Bush, he saw his highs of popularity from the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 attacks]] plummet after he initiated the War in Iraq. He is depicted in the elevator gag tipping over his successor off his ladder.

===Barack Obama===
{{main|Barack Obama}}

43rd President of the United States and first [[niggo|African-American president]]. Obama is depicted in the elevator gag attempting to paint the White House black, but is stopped by Bush.

===John McCain===
{{main|John McCain}}

Obama's opponent in the 2008 elections and former US Senator. He yells at Obama for painting the White House black.

===Hilary Clinton===
{{main|Hillary Clinton}}

New York Senator, former First Lady to 41st President Bill Clinton and one of Obama's opponents in the spot for Democratic nominee for President. She's present as Obama paints the White House

===Sarah Palin===
{{main|Sarah Palin}}

Former Alaskan governor, John McCain's running mate and all-around gullible bag of bricks. This "bulldog with lipstick" was present as Obama painted the White House.

===Simonla Rosechu===
{{main|Simonla Rosechu}}

Wild Sonichu's fuck toy, Simonla Rosechu is the unholy monstrosity created when Chris took Simonchu Sonichu, a creation by [[Evan]] (who in turned based it off of Simon the Digger of ''Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann'') and gave it breasts and china. Simonla first appears when she joins the other Rosechus in "stripping for [[Women's Rights]], introducing her friend Zapina. She's later paired up with Wild in Dating Education before aiding said Sonichu in defending CWCVille from Slaweel's attack. However, Simonla would meet her demise by a Voltorb blowing itself up, killing her ''on the toilet''.

===Zapina Rosechu===
{{main|Zapina Rosechu}}

A young Rosechu who's friends with Simonla. She first appears, joining the other Rosechus in wanting to strip for Women's Rights, but Rosechu shoots down that idea because of the "dumb laws". She is later seen defending CWCVille from Slaweel and her minions.

===Greta Squall===

News anchor for "[[Excel Saga|FQX]] News", obviously a parody of Fox New anchor Greta Van Susternen, Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.

===Silvana Rosechu===
{{main|Silvana Rosechu}}

Another missing Rosechu, she was found on [[The Motherfucking Moon]] by Count Graduon and turned evil, giving her shapeshifting powers and a [[duck|penis]]. She appears in Episode 18, fucking Blake disguised as Bubbles before being driven off. She appears again in Episode 20, fighting Magi-Chan and appears one last time, disguising herself as a malformed Meg Griffin. According to Chris, Silvana would lose her powers and dick when Graduon's staff was shattered and she would soon fall in love with Magi-Chan.

===Yawning Squirtle===
{{main|Yawning Squirtle}}

A Squirtle that is seen yawning and given a very stoned look. Many trolls took it that the Squirtle was actually high off of weed and ran with it. In retaliation, Chris mentioned that this Squirtle was actually an old friend of Bubbles and that it was also captured and not shot to the moon.

===Sea Pokemon===

Comprised of [[Mudkips]], [[Seadra]], [[Goldeen]], [[Staryu]], [[Corsola]], [[Octillery]], [[Mantine]], and [[Corphish]].

===Optimus Prime===
{{main|Optimus Prime}}

Supreme Commander of the Autobots and hero of the Transformers franchise. He is considered to be one of Chris's idols. However, he is depicted in Issue 8 as a grand hero (or a murderer, however you want to look at it), killing Decepticon spy Sarah Jackson.

===Sarah Jackson===
{{main|Sarah Jackson}}

One of Chris's sweethearts and Decepticon spy. She is given a memorial by depicting the heroic Optimus Prime running down her truck in his truck form.

===Sarah Cassandra McKenzie (aka Panda Halo)===
{{main|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie|Panda Halo}}

The third of Chris's gal-pals. She is given a shout out in Issue 8, only to be depicted dying in an a fire in Issue 9.

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==

===Sarah Jackaras===

Sarah Jackson's second comic persona. She is depicted as a teacher for Chris's demented Dating Education class, and killed off at the end of the episode.

===George Philip===

A kid in Dating Education. He resembles Kenny from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Layla Flaaffy===
{{main|Layla Flaaffy}}

Ivy's animal companion (though she looks NOTHING like a Flaaffy). She ends up hooking up with Punchy in Episode 19 and is shown one last time blasting away a bunch of Jerkops with a Thunder attack in Episode 20.

===Ivy===
{{main|Ivy}}

The last of the real-life sweethearts to show up in the ''Sonichu'' comics (excluding the specials). She ends up having a vision where God and Jesus tell her that she is to be Chris's one true love. Doesn't last too long as she is strangled by elevator wire in Episode 20.

===Reginald Sneasel===
{{main|Reginald Sneasel}}

Chris's latest Mary Sue character to fill in for him while he is still trapped in the Time Void. He despises [[Niggo|darkies]] and attempts to break up Punchy and Layla only for Angelica to feel sorry for him and be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]].

===God/Jesus===
{{main|God/Jesus}}

Our Creator and our Lord and Savior. They appear in a vision to let Ivy know that she and Chris were meant to be. However, since Ivy dies in the next episode, it's hard not to imagine they were trolling the two in the process.

===Florance Fisher===
[[Image:SchuFlorence.jpg|100px|thumb|Florance Fisher]]

One of the few [[Niggos|black]] characters in ''Sonichu'' that isn't evil. She is rejected by Reginald, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles ''South Park'''s art style, and was probably traced.

===Rita Jackaras===

Sarah's sister. She replaces Sarah after she reveals that she had died... and instead of mourning, they get right back into their studies.

===Other students===

Comprised of:
*Amy Testa
*Clem Jennings
*Geraldine
*Fred Shiflet
*Emily Ryan
*Unnamed computer-lab attendant
*Clyde Raymond Cwash- Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at [[Clyde Cash]]

===Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels===
{{main|Scoundrals As Vessels}}

Evil PVCC Decepticons, they're mass produced and act as heavy-duty attackers. Repaint of Swindle from ''Transformers Animated''

===Samurai Pizza Bots===
{{main|Samurai Pizza Bots}}

CWCVille's main machine protectors and obvious Autobot rejects. This team is comprised of:
*[[Prower]] - Punchy's motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from ''Transformers Animated''
*[[Son-Chu]] - Chris's gay ass car with a "SONICHU" vanity plate
*[[Bumble-Lumba]] - recolor of Bumblebee from ''Transformers Animated''. Also a pizza delivery car.
*[[Excelina]] - recolor of R.C. from ''Revenge of the Fallen''.
*[[Armoraxe]] - recolor of Sound Wave from ''Transformers Animated''. Even has a guitar as a weapon.

===Blazebob Sonichu and Chloe Rosechu===
{{main|Blazebob Sonichu|Chloe Rosechu}}

Both were created by [[PandaHalo]]. <ref>From the CWCipedia "Sonichu" page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" ''"Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."''</ref> They are saved by Panda before her gruesome death and start bawling at her death before a firefighter tells them to move their asses.

===IBAChandler===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The ''Sonichu'' variation of Liquid Chris. This ground-type Sonichu is easily curb-stomped by Sonichu before he can really get the chance to attack. It's said that Liquid's medallion was made out of paper.

===Cerah, Christine, and Robbie===
{{main|Sonichu and Rosechu's Children}}

The demonic crotchfruit of Sonichu and Rosechu. Robbie is known for his screechy voice and [[speech impediment]], Christine is known for being [[Chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] and "shiny" (read: not really Sonichu's), and Cerah is known for absolutely nothing at all. All are equally abominable in the eyes of the Lord. These three simply show up at the end of the comic with only one extremely minor mention prior to then, and their births have never been shown. It is extremely likely that these three were created in response to trolls pointing out that Sonichu and Rosechu were having premarital underage sex.

==[[Sonichu 10| ''Sonichu'' #10]]==

===Bugs Bunny===
[[Image:Bugsbunny.jpg|thumb|Bugs, enjoying what appears to be a joint.]]

A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, '''Bugs Bunny''' appeared briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to scold [[Jimmy Hill]] for his [[Parody|infringement]] upon [[Sonichu]]'s [[Chris and Copyright|copyright]]. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.

===Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez===
[[Image:geraldandlouie.JPG|thumb|Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend [[Sonichu]].]]

Two of [[CWCville]]'s policemen (true blue, not [[Jerkops]]) who show up in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]]. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of [[Sonichu]].

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He takes a [[Pedofork|particular interest]] in Sonichu's son [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie]].

Louis is the [[Niggos|black officer]] - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in [[Mailbag_50#And_in_closing...|Mailbag 50]]. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "[[duck|little Lou]]"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in [[Virginia]], calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

===The Asperpedia Four===
[[Image:Maoalecevansean.jpg|thumb|The Asperpedia Four on trial. (clockwise from the top: Mao, Alec, Evan, Sean)]]

The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:

*[[Alec Benson Leary]] - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
*[[Evan]] - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
*[[Sean August Watley]] - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
*[[Asperpedia|Mao]] - Asperpedia admin. Is [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|broken]] and killed by Chris.

Chris would, in an attempt to appear like a less psychotic human being, make a new ending for Sonichu 10, wherein the Asperpedia is condemned to live in a Amish community for the rest of their lives, which results in them becoming a bunch of [[slow-in-the-minds]] who spew [[random-access humor]].

===Sackboy===
{{main|Little Big Planet}}

The mascot and main character of the ''Little Big Planet'' game franchise. He appears in issue 10 to tell readers not to buy unauthorized copies of ''LBP'' for the [[Hex Box]].

===Jimmy Hill===
{{main|Jimmy Hill}}

Famed former soccer player turned commentator who was used as part of a trolling scheme against Chris. He is depicted in Issue 10 getting his teeth knocked out by Chris-Chan Sonichu's Hyper Beam before being scolded by Bugs Bunny.

===Clyde Cash===
{{main|Clyde Cash}}

Infamous troll who helped inspire many others. In actuality, Clyde's first appearance was in "[[Sonichu Special 1]]", capturing Ivy and trying to kill both Chris and Ivy when they escape. In issue 10, he's depicted as a panicking man as the 4-cent_garbage building began falling. Unwilling to let Chris kill him, he takes the hand of his lover, Jack Thaddeus, and leap to his death.

===Jack Thaddeus===
{{main|Jack Thaddeus}}

Person who owned the ads at the CWCkipedia and forced Chris to hump his [[PS3|Life Upgrade]]. He is depicted as another panicking man in the 4-cent_garbage building. He joins his lover, Clyde Cash, in leaping to their deaths, unwilling to let Chris have his victory.

===Meg Griffin===
{{main|Meg Griffin}}

Middle child of the fictional Griffin family, usually depicted as being ignored and humiliated by her family and just about everyone else. In Issue 10, she was a disguise by Silvana, who appeared, told Chris how awesome he was, shared a kiss with him, then disappeared. Worst troll ever.

===Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu===
{{main|Asperchu}}

Star of Alec Benson Leary's comic of the same name. When Ultra Sonichu appears, he takes away his personality and Asperger's and transforms him into Mitch Sonichu (and Chris expected Alec to follow suit).

===Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)===
{{main|Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)}}

Formerly the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, Wild and Magi-Chan. Ultra Sonichu appears and removes their "Asperger's" (despite none of them actually having the condition) and gives them new identities of Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu.

===Metal Asperchu===

A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven [[Sonichu Balls|Chaos Pickles]]. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.

===Basement Rosechus===
{{main|Basement Rosechus}}

A set of Rosechus found in Alec's basement, malnourished and injured. Many had believed that Chris portrayed them as being raped by Alec, which Chris tried furiously to deny.

===Inos===
{{main|Inos}}

A homeless man discovered by Ultra Sonichu. To his horror, Inos is discovered with a five year cold and under the influence of weed. Ultra Sonichu steals his weed away then has the police slap his wrist.

===Simonchu===
{{main|Simonchu}}

The main hero of [[Evan]]'s Simonchu comics and Wild's lover in Asperchu. He attempts to kill his evil clone Simonla, but is stopped by Magi-Chan.

===Toilet Exploding Voltorb===
[[Image:Toiletexplodingvoltorb.png|thumb|Simonla's killer.]]

The Pokemon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.

===Sandy Rosechu===
{{main|Sandy Rosechu}}

The bastard child of Wild and Simonla. She is forced to be evolved by Wild and is trained by different Pokemon just so she can ''tear Evan's genitals out.''

===Judge Slack Lewis===

The judge presiding the case of the Asperpedia Four. He has an obvious bias towards Chris and allows everything that goes on. He may or may not be a rip-off of [[wikipedia:Lewis Black|Lewis Black]], a comedian who would likely rage at Chris and the comic.

===Marvey Blaziken===

A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a Bird. Serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of [[Chris and the Law|Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system]] as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's Mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.

=="[[Sonichu Special 2]]"==

===Ching Chong===
[[Image:SchuComicSP2P4.jpg|thumb|It is said that perfect wedding days can feel like sweet blissful happy blur for everybody. Ching Chong certainly feels that way, but not in the usual sense... ''she was told about "recycling".'']]

A small [[China|Chinese]] girl that Ivy tutored in [[Chris and art|art]]. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "[[Semen|Navy]]" while innocently browsing the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] website. Chris offered [[Chris and remorse|formal excuses]] to her in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log video]]. In the comic she appears as the flower girl.

===Other Characters===
*[[Keino]] - Ivy's dad
*[[Crass and Champ]] - Ivy's hermit crabs which are ring bearers

*'''Canino Houndhowl''' - receptionist for wedding, a creation of [[Megan]] that Chris ripped off
*[[Metal Gear Solid | Gecko and Mantis]], a pair of Raptor Chefs.
*'''Lilith''' - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
*'''Rachel''' - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
*CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
*[[My Little Pony]]
*'''[[MEOW|Spas]]''' - a feline pianist
{{clear}}

==[[Sonichu Special 4]]==
===CChanSonichuCWC===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The real Christian Weston Chandler. Here, he is displayed as a knife-wielding madman who wants to cut up Kacey for... no real reason. Ian responds by disarming him then blowing out his shins.

===Kacey===
{{main|Kacey}}
Girlfriend of the real Chris and damsel in distress in the comic.

===Megatron===
{{main|Megatron}}
Seeing as the comic already depicted Optimus Prime mowing down evil, it's only natural that his eternal nemesis and leader of the Decepticons Megatron strike fear into the hearts of those who do good. He aids Ian by shooting an unarmed Chris in the legs.

===Kacey's Family===
All are thankful to [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs. Her family is comprised of:
**[[Father_Call|Matt Devoria]] - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
**Kacey's mother
**Kacey's brother
**Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "[[CChanSonichuCWC#Irony|geeky twerp]]"

==Sauce==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu]] [[Category: Lists]] [[Category:Characters]]

Bob Walks In

2010-12-06T00:39:46Z

Dan Dash:

{{Honest}}
{{quote|
Go tell that [[Lies|long tongue liar]]
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the [[Speech Impediment|rambler]], the [[Chris and money|gambler]], the [[homos|back biter]]
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down|Johnny Cash, giving Bob instructions}}

'''''Bob Walks In''''' is the most famous of the cybersex chats with [[Julie]], in which [[Chris]] is caught [[masturbating]] by his father, [[Bob]].

==Background==
[[Image:Aiko-Chris's New Bird.jpg|thumb|right|140px|What Chris imagines Julie looks like...]]
The Chandler family [[14 Branchland Court|home]] only has one [[computer]], and it's in the [[Chris's kitchen|kitchen]]. Every time Chris wants to engage in cyber sex, he's [[Mass Debating|spanking it]] in the middle of the kitchen/living room.

[[February 2009|Valentine's Night, 2009]]: Chris was on a hot e-date with his ONE, TRUE AND HONEST SWEETHEART [[Julie]], and once again engaged in some hot furry sex, similar to the [[CWC_Cums_for_a_Cat|night before]]. Chris was moaning sexy, sweaty nothings into the microphone as he furiously pounded his bent [[duck]]. Unbeknown to Chris, trolls were tipped off that Chris was firing some [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|knuckle children]] and were dedicated to having Chris experience an awkward moment that would require Bob to watch his son stroking his bent duck, yelling like a horny retard. Four calls were made, the first three failing as Bob told them that Chris was "sleeping" (even though Chris was screaming "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" at the time). The final call, made by [[Miscreants]] agent [[Bryan Bash]], called up and told Bob "OH MY GOD, CHRIS MADE A VIDEO ON YOUTUBE AND SAID HE'S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF! YOU GOTTA STOP HIM!"

Bob dropped the phone, ran up the stairs and walked into his son's most intimate moment, and was, justifiably, horrified and appalled. In a rare moment of parental authority, he threatened to punish Chris by "cutting down the Internet." Chris, used to having things his way throughout his whole life, was appalled, confused and no longer aroused. The recording ends after Robert's many futile attempts to shut down the computer finally succeed.

This can be considered the pinnacle of the ongoing Chris-chan saga, as it represents a moment where Chris actually feels negative repercussions for his Internet behavior. It contains many memorable lines and is the height of emotional drama.

== Prelude ==
The following is Chris's phone sex session with Julie prior to Bob walking in. Throughout this whole audio, Chris bangs into stuff and whacks his keyboard while fapping and making slurping sounds (suggesting Chris [[fail|fails]] at performing even imaginary cunnilingus). If you love your life, it is advised that you do not read this transcript.

=== Chris Gets Started ===
Hey, Julie! (Says something "Molvanîa") Ah yeah, good, you're on me. Alright, alright... you do that, mmmm. Oh... ''(Rustling, possibly taking off clothes)'' Ooooh...! Oh-ho-ho! Alright, yeah, I'm (indistinct) clothes. Ok. Yep, I'm lying on the bed... do what you will... mmkay. Ahhhhh... I could take a good guess... very horny. Believe me, I've been very horny... before. Ohhh! Hhhh... Oh my... Oh my... Mmmm... actually, I'm breathing okay... mmm... Oh yeah. Cause is- cause it got stiff... for you. Mmmmm... Ahhh, ahhh yeah. Mmm... (spits on his hands) Okay, I'm licking your pussy while you're sitting on my face. Oh boy... Hhhh... Mmmmm... Mmmm... Oh... Okay, but you know, just so you know, I learned that farts- farts on one's face causes [[Pink_eye|pink-eye]]. Ali- alri- alright, I'll let it go this time. I don't touch my eyes all that much anyway, but this time yeah... ''(begins fapping)'' Oh yeah. ''(slurp slurp slurp smack smack slurp slurp)'' Oh yeah... mmmm.... Oh yeah. ''(smack smack smack)'' mmmm... mmm... ''(slurp slurp slurp)'' Oh... mmm... You're facing mine as well. Oh boy, yeahhhh... that's good. Mmm. Mmmm... ''(smack smack smack smack slurp slurp)'' Oh... ''(fapping gets louder)'' Mmm!

=== Adventures in China ===
''(Sporadic Windows beeping throughout)''Mmm... Oh yeah... Mmm... ''(smack smack smack)'' Mmm... mmmmmmmm... Meeee-yeowww. mmm... ahhh, that's fine. ''(smack smack smack)'' Mmmm... ''(faps even harder, banging into stuff)'' I was kind of expecting this myself. ''(faps even more hard'') Yeah... So do I... mmmm... ''(fapping is very loud at this point)'' Ahhhh! MMm... ''(phone rings)'' Mmm... Mmmm... I love you too, Julie... you are, you are...

It's very good. Mmm... Ohhhh yeah, it's awesome... Awesome. Ah... ah yeah... ''(fapping speeds up)'' Mmm... Go ahead, be rougher, rougher... Mmmm... Ahhh... MMm... Oh yeah... mmm... Oh yeah, yeah... Oh YEAH, Julie, Julieeeeeeee, Julie!!! mmmh... ahhh... JULAYYYYYYYY! JULayyyyyyyy, JULAaaaay... JULAY!!!! Julay... JULaaAaaAaaaAaaaAaAAAAAYY!!! ''(phone rings)'' Jullayyyy... ''(phone rings again)'' Mmm... ah, don't worry about that, my father will get it... he got it.... Continue. Mm... Julie... JULAAAAAY... Julaaaaaaaaah.

Oh yeah... oh yeah... oh yeah... mmm... oh... mmm?? ''(phone rings)'' mmm... get on me... I want... to be INSIDE YOU!... Oh yeah... not yet... mmm. ''(smack smack smack slurp slurp)'' Pump it in? mmmf... ah... oh yeah... no problem... ahhhh... mmmm YEAH!! mmmf... ''(faps very hard)'' ahh... mmmm... oh yeah... oooooh yeah... ah! yeah... yeaahhh!!! mmmf... (breathing heavily, bangs into something while fapping) mmm... ''(phone rings)'' mmm... no it's okay, my father will get it, don't worry about it... keep going... it's already been got... please, I'm getting close myself... C'mon Julie... mmf... ahhh... mmm... mmm... oh yeah...

''Bob walks in at this point. Chris stops fapping.''

==Daddy catches Chris having one off the wrist==
{{quote|Get away from the Internet, I'm cutting it down!!!|Bob "The Internet Lumberjack" Chandler}}
{{quote|NO DAD, NO!|Chris, during [[Hanky-Panky|Goofy Time]].}}

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|ricmZy9VZMM}}
</center>

==Transcript==
'''Bob''': Christian, what are you doing? [''slurp smack'']
 '''Chris''': ''[immediately stops fapping, but knocks several things over]'' Nothing.
 '''Bob''': I’m getting all these crazy damn calls. What're you doing?
 '''Chris''': Nothing.
 '''Bob''': Don't give me that crap. Now, what’s going on?
 '''Chris''': Dad, will you get out of here?
 '''Bob''': No. [''string of Windows beeps''] I will not. [[Bryan Bash|People]] telling me that you’re about to kill yourself on [[YouTube]].
 '''Chris''': What?
 '''Bob''': What are you doing?
 '''Chris''': I'm not doin' anything.
 '''Bob''': Want me to wake your mother up and find out?
 '''Chris''': No.
 '''Bob''': Well then get out of here, and off that Internet.
 '''Chris''': Fine.
 '''Bob''': What is your trouble?
 '''Chris''': I am not going to kill myself.
 '''Bob''': Get away from that TV.
 '''Chris''': Fine.
 '''Bob''': Get away from the Internet. I'm cuttin' it down, right now.
 '''Chris''': NO, DAD, NO!
 '''Bob''': Yes.
 '''Chris''': No!
 '''Bob''': What are you doin'?
 
 [''long pause, what sounds like the kitchen sink running, keys clicking on the keyboard, then single Windows beep'']
 
 '''Chris''': Don't do it, Dad.
 '''Bob''': I’m gonna shut this thing right down.
 '''Chris''': No.
 '''Bob''': Yes.
 '''Chris''': No! [''pause'']Dad, no. Stop!
 '''Bob''': Go wake your mother up; don’t bother me. Okay? [''pause''] Go wake your [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up! Don’t bother me!
 '''Chris''': Ugh.
 '''Bob''': Go and wake your mother up!
 '''Chris''': Ugh.
 '''Bob''': You tell mm-her what’s going on. This thing is gonna go down.
 '''Chris''': No!
 '''Bob''': Yes!

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?tkrkgo0yoft Download]
*[http://www.slutload.com/watch/gEnIQ5EQM9C/Chris-chan-caught-fapping-by-his-dad.html Mirror]

{{FanChats}}

Son-Chu

2010-12-05T20:31:38Z

Dan Dash:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''' aka '''The Shitbox''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple "disconcerting" issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[Sonichu Special 4|aggravated]] [[June062010.MOV|assault]]. The DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersville department.

Members of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding on more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref name="Mumble 10">[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref name="Mumble 10"/>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a three-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to ''[[Transformers]]'', he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia, Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], Escortin' Car."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other ''Transformers'' rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high-functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family has kept the permit so long because their [[fat]], lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high-functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers, along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]
The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]", thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading "UN4EVR" (apparently a support for the U.N.) and "IB MR C" ("I be Mr. C," as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named "B WESTON" (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world views, and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu Window Static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old Tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both Sonic and Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the ''Sonichu'' title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears CD's]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "Autism. Work For A Cure." - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world.
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for [[The GAMe PLACe]]. We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place, however, the American flag has been removed and replaced with a Jesus fish, a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me!" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed-in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil Change due 4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's absurdly overdue oil change.]]
Given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]], it's unlikely the family takes any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at Son-Chu's performance was in the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car is stopped at a traffic light or parked somewhere, the engine rattles loudly; this is likely caused by bent U-joints (meaning Chris/Barbara probably hit a curb at some point) connecting the drive shaft to the engine and transmission, and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]], a U-joint replacement would put him over budget. A Pennzoil sticker on the windshield states that the next recommended oil change was to take place on the fifth of April 2009, over a year before the video was recorded; we also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it. At this point, it's a toss-up as to whether the car or [[Robert Chandler|Bob]] will go first.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. "[[Honor roll]]" my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3|Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|Post-Beta
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|Transformed version.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Car Pranks]]
* [[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Son-Chu

2010-12-05T20:31:03Z

Dan Dash:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]

'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''' aka '''Virginmobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple "disconcerting" issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the [[Wikipedia:Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles|Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles]] has nevertheless given him full permission to drive a motor vehicle to be used in a plan to [[CWC's_Diary#June_2005|commit]] [[Sonichu Special 4|aggravated]] [[June062010.MOV|assault]]. The DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment by their Ruckersville department.

Members of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] believe that the fact that Chris drives a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]]. Chris did not save up his [[Monthly Tugboat|tugboat]] for a vehicle, deciding on more [[PSN|important]] things to spend his [[money]] on, despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals [[china]]. Son-Chu is his mother, [[Barbara]]'s car.<ref name="Mumble 10">[[Mumble 10#Summary|Mumble 10]]</ref>

Unsurprisingly, Chris's parents pay for his gas.<ref name="Mumble 10"/>

==Backstory==
[[File:License.jpg|thumb|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a [[6 June 2010|license to kill]] (though through his ineptitude in operating a three-ton mobile weapon).]]
Since Chris jerks off to ''[[Transformers]]'', he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia, Autobot Squad; he is also is my [[Fail|Cool]] [[Obesity|Sportin']], Escortin' Car."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Son-Chu|Son-Chu}}</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other ''Transformers'' rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high-functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. A quick [http://www.google.com/search?q=autism+disability+parking Google search] on the topic reveals that these permits are intended for the benefit of parents whose autistic children bolt into traffic or [[tard rage|go mental]] in the store. In Virginia, a doctor must sign off on the application for the original permit, but not on subsequent renewals<ref>[http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/citizen/disability/renewal.asp Virginia DMV]</ref>. Given this, it's likely that [[Barb]] applied for it when Chris was a child, and the family has kept the permit so long because their [[fat]], lazy asses can't be bothered to walk more than a few yards. Obviously, every second Chris leaves Son-Chu parked in a handicapped space so that he can loiter inside a business establishment is a second someone who actually can't walk more than a few yards can't park there to actually conduct business, not that Chris notices or cares.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear, but with Chris's [[Autism|high-functioning life]], he probably fell asleep during this part of the class.

==Vanity plate==
[[File:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers, along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).]]
[[File:VanityPlateComic.jpg|thumb|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]
The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]", thus ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. '''Ever.''' This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading "UN4EVR" (apparently a support for the U.N.) and "IB MR C" ("I be Mr. C," as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named "B WESTON" (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}}. It may be worth noting that Virginia has the highest vanity plate registration rate of any U.S. state, so Chris's family may simply be following a cultural norm.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Vanity_plate#North_America]]</ref>

Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PIEDMONT VA CC]]" frame.

==Bumper stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world views, and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu Window Static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old Tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of the disembodied heads of both Sonic and Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the ''Sonichu'' title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|the scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears CD's]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a [[Twin Falling Towers|frenzy of patriotism]].
* "Autism. Work For A Cure." - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world.
* "[[Pedofork|Come Play With Me!]]" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for [[The GAMe PLACe]]. We are sure that they [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|appreciate]] his [[6 June 2010|endorsement]].
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It is unknown what resided there.

As of 25 [[October 2010]], it appears Chris has rearranged his sticker collection, seen in [[DayOut]]. The Plan 9 Music sticker remains in the same place, however, the American flag has been removed and replaced with a Jesus fish, a common symbol for identifying oneself as a [[Chris and Religion|Christian]]. "Come Play With Me!" has been replaced with a "Save [[McIntire Park]]" sticker. Since this is a first time we've seen Son-Chu in quite a while, it's so far impossible to determine when either of these changes were made.

==Car trouble==
Chris has wound up in dangerous situations with his car, usually of his own creation, on a few occasions.

On 22 [[June 2005]], during his encounter with the management of the Charlottesville [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], Chris "nearly backed up onto" the store's [[Manajerk|manager]] towards the end of their argument. Given the way Chris describes the event (and his general unreliability as a witness), it's hard to say whether the near miss was intentional or accidental.

About a month later, on 25 [[July 2005]], Chris caused a minor fender-bender when he rear-ended a car he was following too closely. He was found to be at fault in the accident and ordered to pay $86 in fines and court costs.

During his famous run-in with [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]], Chris attempted to flee the parking lot of [[The GAMe PLACe]] in his car, but wound up boxed-in by Snyder and a couple of nearby police officers. Snyder claimed that Chris had intentionally tried to run him over with his car, an accusation that Chris [[6 June 2010|loudly denied]]. Also likely is that Chris, due to his poor coordination skills and admitted intoxication, nearly ran him over by accident in a blind panic.

==Mechanical issues==
[[File:Oil Change due 4-5-09.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's absurdly overdue oil change.]]
Given the state of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home and its surrounding yard]], it's unlikely the family takes any better care of their vehicles. Possibly the best look we got at Son-Chu's performance was in the [[DayOut]] videos. Every time the car is stopped at a traffic light or parked somewhere, the engine rattles loudly; this is likely caused by bent U-joints (meaning Chris/Barbara probably hit a curb at some point) connecting the drive shaft to the engine and transmission, and since Chris spends all his money on [[:Category:Things bought with taxpayer money|worthless shit]], a U-joint replacement would put him over budget. A Pennzoil sticker on the windshield states that the next recommended oil change was to take place on the fifth of April 2009, over a year before the video was recorded; we also learn the virgin-mobile has at least 260,000 miles on it. At this point, it's a toss-up as to whether the car or [[Robert Chandler|Bob]] will go first.
{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. "[[Honor roll]]" my ass.
File:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
File:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3|Mecca]].
File:MODNATION 1.JPG|Son-Chu in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|Post-Beta
File:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|Transformed version.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Car Pranks]]
* [[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

File talk:Notthebathroom.jpg

2010-12-04T16:08:53Z

Dan Dash: Created page with "this could likely be a FG joke, given the obscurity of the source material, also laser cat in the lower left side.--~~~~"

this could likely be a FG joke, given the obscurity of the source material, also laser cat in the lower left side.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 08:08, 4 December 2010 (PST)

Chris and death

2010-11-18T20:57:16Z

Dan Dash: /* Bob Chandler and Barbara Chandler */

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace?]]
'''Death''' stalks [[Chris]] at every turn, and as a result he has a hard time understanding and/or coping with death, be it the death of a human or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even a [[Simonla Rosechu|fictional character]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy, and his incredibly underdeveloped mind. Kids often don't understand death until they're quite old, around 10-12 years; before that, they usually just think it's "like sleeping forever" or "just leaving." Chris, being a 3-year-old inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to sort of understand death; he even has a habit of appealing to dead people to "come back."<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands Or Buts#A history (6:02 to 9:34)]]: "Patti, I miss you. Come home."</ref><ref>[[:Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg]]: "Dedicated to Mr. Billy Mays II; Please Come Back Soon."</ref>

It could be that the only shows that Chris watched that dealt with death in any way had plot devices to facilitate the return of the departed. Chris, who is unable to connect cause with effect and considers behaviors from fiction to be interchangeable with reality, may simply assume that the dead can come back whenever they want.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==
===The victims of the ''Titanic'' incident (d. 1912)===
In his [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|message to Lars]] in [[September 2010]], Chris belittled the lives of the men, women and children who died in the sinking of the RMS ''Titanic'' by constructing a boat out of Lego with several Lego men on it, one representing [[Lars]], pretending the ship sinks, then destroying the boat.

===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d. 2001)===
In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of 1 [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde]] and says that he is as weak as the [[Wikipedia:World Trade Center|Twin Towers]]. He then shows the mouse cursor crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. This has shocked many, including somebody who lost a loved one in the attacks<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCDjrjr3b7M]</ref> and this could possibly be the lowest that Chris has ever gone.

===[[Patti Chandler]] (1988-2006)===
Patti was Chris's pet dog, and she died in June 2006. Chris [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:AZT-13/Chris-chan_Emails_Part_IV apparently drew a picture of a crying Sonichu face] on the signature confirming the euthanasia process. As seen in the image used in this article, [[Patti-Chan|Patti also appeared in the comic, immortalized as an anthro]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in, in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]], in which she will only exist when he can be bothered to draw her. Effectively, he's stolen and erased her soul.

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Not surprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended, yet he continues to use this example.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. Supporting this is a report that Chris periodically broke down in tears for as many as six months after her death.{{cite}} By comparison, the "death" of any [[Troll|Sweetheart]] will result in a day of mourning, if she is lucky.

===RocketFox's Dad (1966-2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. [[Ryan]]'s death and Chris's reaction cemented this. About eight months later, Chris [[Chris's Big Night Out|became a huge hypocrite]]...

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981-2008)===
A former [[Sweetheart|heartsweet]] of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a <s>car crash</s> carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. SPOILERS: A [[troll]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the ''Sonichu'' characters mourn the loss of their professor. Sound like [[Chris|someone]]?

===[[Ryan Cash]] (1996-2008)===
Ryan was [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]]'s brother who was a huge fan of [[Sonichu]]. After the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|Chris, of course, reacted to this in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marveling at his power to incite suicide.]]

===[[PandaHalo]] (d. 2009?)===
Despite her being thousands of kilometers away from the bushfires, Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another [[sweetheart]] to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref> This flagrant disrespect shouldn't surprise anyone because Chris is a self-centered asshole. This saga ''further'' proved that Chris has no sense of empathy or respect for the dead.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[Blazebob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her. Apparently, Chris didn't feel like he needed to honor the life of his beloved [[sweetheart]] and instead depicted her horrible, fiery death. He also has to mention that she "burned," which shows how he doesn't realize how painful and awful it would be to die in a fire. It's also not a term that anyone would use to describe the death of a loved one, providing more evidence of how little he actually cared about her. Because it took nine months to "honor" her death, he most likely decided he needed more god-awful characters for his shitty comic, was too lazy to create a new recolor and chose to use Chloe and Blazebob, thus reminding him of PandaHalo, who he had likely forgotten, and made him decide to feature a memorial to her.

More recently, Chris "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork. And then there's the issue of ''Sonichu'' #10 largely consisting of Chris murdering everybody he dislikes...

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May [[Troll|attempted suicide]] over [[Mumble 8|Mumble]]. Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told [[Julie]] (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out to her on a YouTube video]], with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. His reason for her to hold on? Because he'd be so sad without her. While mentioning the feelings of friends and families despair is typical in suicide prevention, Chris did it in such a selfish way, only thinking of how ''he'd'' feel, not how ''her'' family and friends would feel, that it was just full of [[fail]] and [[Chris and His Ego|narcissism]].

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936-2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also Shrove Tuesday, a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes.<ref>[[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]]</ref> Needless to say, [[White knight#Chris cares only for himself|Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt]]. Patti was also obtained from her (see the e-mail link above).

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow, although any normal human would bring those up first and the dog would be lucky to get a mention at all.

===[[Clyde Cash]] (1976-<s>2009</s>)===
In early [[2009]], Christian once seemed to be aware that Clyde Cash was supposedly dead, but cast a slight bit of doubt over the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] Clyde in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009]], just in case. He's back.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958-2009)===
In the video [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for MAYS's death, and loudly denies that he was ever the mayor of [[CWCville]]. He doesn't even offer his condolences to MAYS's family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that MAYS was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris. He goes even further by stating that he was also his identical body double and "without the beard we'd look the same". At least he's admitting that he's overweight.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Chris slaps in a one-page intro with BILLY saying that he was never was the Mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon." Ninety pages later, we find out that BILLY had seemed to die falling down an elevator shaft, attempting to free [[Ivy]] from HER gruesome death. The next issue, however, had him appear alive and well, trapped like [[Patti-Chan]] in his own personal Hell of [[CWCville]].

===[[Ivy]] (1992-2009)===
Former [[troll|sweetheart]] Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video as a memorial. Yes, a poorly sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop/punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Unless the original was somehow Ivy's favorite song, this is just short of "Another One Bites the Dust" as one of the worst possible songs one can dedicate to a recently deceased loved one. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's [[fail]].

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]] of the comic. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of [[Slaweel]] and some weird faux-[[Transformers]] actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. Why he felt the need to make her death in the series gruesomely similar to her real-life suicide is a question for the ages. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for [[Patti Chan]] and [[BILLY MAYS]].

===Mary Jo (d. 2009)===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss|mailbag]], Chris was asked by a troubled [[troll|fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.| Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another [[sweetheart|woman]] right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|The obituary that Chris didn't even bother to read.]]

===Mike Jackson (1969-2010)===

Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|asking]] [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|for]] [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris refers to a man buying his underage son a whore as "good news"|advice]], and then [[Mailbag 45#Adventures with whores|begging]] for [[Mailbag 48#This guy's life is in shambles, but Chris was STRESSED!|help]] after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It was revealed in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]] that Chris didn't even view Mike's obituary page, and his [[Mailbag 56#In which Chris isn't sorry at all|response]] to Mike's grieving son was all of three words long.

The Mike Jackson "mini-saga" might be the most conclusive proof yet that Chris doesn't understand the consequences of his terrible advice, or the gravity of the tragedy he caused.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his [[Patti Chandler|fucking dog]]. Finally, after being faced with severe legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], though not before she laid an egg out of wedlock with her baby-daddy [[Wild]] (though, of course, the act of laying the egg was never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real. Not figuratively, not essentially: ''literally'' real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''. Simonla's death was as real to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

===Yeardley Love (1987-2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for [[UVA]] who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on TV for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for smoking. Later in the video, [[Chris and His Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's [[Chris and anger|not]] [[Chris and race|a]] [[Chris and sex|bad]] [[Chris and rape|man]]. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew or really cared about in order to make himself look good.

===[[Bob|Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]===
[[File:Ctrl-alt-chrischan.jpg|thumb|He remembered his [[PSP]].]]
Coming soon... both are well into their "Silver Years" and suffering from many health issues, compounded by their age. It doesn't help that they're [[Tour of Chris's House|living in a landfill]].

On 1 [[March 2010]], Bob was sent to the hospital with congestive heart failure, owing to his age, [[Burger King|diet]] and lifestyle. In the [[Twitter|Tweet]] announcing Bob's heart failure, Chris stated that he believed his father would survive, and showed more concern for the [[stress]] he was under than his own father's health. On top of that, during the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], Bob stated that he already died (probably for a minute or two and then was brought back, or his heart had to be stopped during surgery). Bob has had four prior heart attacks and "Eat at Burger King" is still a part of his daily routine. His inevitable death (and probably one more heart attack) is likely to occur sometime within the next few <s>years</s> months.

===Chris himself===
Given Chris's terrible diet, poor [[health]], [[obesity]], lack of exercise and general lack of concern for anything, he is unlikely to live far into his forties. However, he may be genetically disposed to live a long — albeit, [[100 2178|miserable]] — life: [[Bob]] has lived into his eighties despite being a heavy drinker, and other male relatives have lived past 90 (the average American man dies at 75 or 76).

Naturally, the death of Chris himself is the only death that immediately concerns Chris. And unsurprisingly, he is only worried about his death because it would put a stop to the Love Quest once and for all. Chris's fear of death is probably an extension of his fear of [[F Abstinance|reaching old age before getting laid]], as opposed to the fear of death exhibited by normal people. Chris also apparently has a recurring nightmare where he finds himself "going into the light." It is unknown when he began to have this nightmare, but it is likely one of the "bad dreams" Chris claimed that Ivy helped stop. It has probably been going on for years and will most likely continue until the day it comes true.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Carlos Chantor

2010-11-18T20:31:48Z

Dan Dash:

{{quote|Before you contacted me again to renew our relationship, I was aiming towards selling myself out as a Male Escort to earn money. I tried applying with C-Ville's "Naughty & Nice" Escort Service; they did not take me. And I printed and discreetly passed out cards, along with posting an ad on escorts.com, under the new alias of '''"Carlos Chantor"''''(DO NOT Tell anyone else of my new alias).|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 6]].}}

[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|"Experienced for Her Pleasure."]]

'''Carlos Chantor''' was Chris's alias during his short career as a male escort.

Chris came up with the alias after his first break up with his sweetheart [[Jackie]]. He tried joining with [[Charlottesville]]'s "Naughty and Nice" escort services, but after being told that there was no market for [[duck|bent]], [[autism|autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgins with rage]], he made a profile (now deleted) at '''Escorts.com''', apparently unaware that most male prostitutes belong to a rather [[Gay|rough trade]]. Interestingly, on the Escort.com profile Chris checked that he was comfortable with every fetish available (except the ones he found too [[homosexual]]). After a [[Prank calls#Carlos Chantor Call|certain prank call inquired about watersports]] however, he quickly reverted his decision and removed watersports as a fetish. He also distributed cards promoting himself as an escort around Charlottesville. This shows once again that Chris does not care about sex as a act between two lovers but a way to lose his virginity, as well as get a quick buck.

Shockingly, no one called Chris up.

== Escorts.com profile ==

=== About Me ===

Experienced for Her Pleasure.

Hey, Ladies. I am a cool dude to hang with, and I can make you [[CWC's Message for Ivy|feel good emotionally]] and [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|show you a fun time]]. I enjoy a lot of things; [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|I'll let you know when it's going too far]]. Give me [[Prank calls|a call]] to hook up (434 area code only).

=== My Details ===
[[File:CarlosChantor.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The explicit personal details of notorious womaniser, Carlos Chantor.]]
*'''Sex''': Male
*'''Date of Birth''': 2/24/[[1982]] (age 28)
*'''Orientation''': [[Homos|Straight]] Male
*'''Ethnicity''': [[Chris and race|Caucasian]]
*'''Body Type:''' [[Obesity|Average (height/weight proportional)]]
*'''Height''': 5 feet 10 inches (178 cm)
*'''Hair Color''': [[Hair|Brown]]
*'''Eye Color''': [[Heterochromia|Blue]]
*'''Smoking''': [[Tobacky|Do Not Smoke]]
*'''Drinking''': [[Alcohol|Occasionally]]
*'''Drug Use''': Never use them
*'''Language Spoken''': [[Chris and English|English]]
*'''Secondary Language''': [[Spanish]]
[[File:Randy-trailer-park-boys.jpg|right|thumb|He's not the only one selling sex for cheeseburgers.]]
===My Location===

*'''Home''': [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]

===My Availability===

*'''Available as a(n)''': [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|Accommodating Male]], [[Patti|Master]]/[[Julie Reveals Herself|Slave]], [[Butt garments|Model]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Masseuse]], [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_Undressing|Stripper]]/[[WelcometoBollywood|Dancer]], [[Barbara|Escort]]
*'''Available For''': Outcall, [[14 Branchland Court|Incall]]
*'''Management''': Independent

==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Talk:Carlos Chantor

2010-11-14T15:58:56Z

Dan Dash:

There really should be a link to Chris's profile, if it's still up. I'm not exactly a regular on Escorts.com, so if someone could toss out a page, that'd be helpful. --[[User:Thompson|Thompson]] 17:59, 7 November 2010 (PST)

==I swear he had Watersports on his availability==
When the profile was found months before it was public today, he had almost every fetish marked except 'homosex'. I know talk is cheap, & you can't cite much on that. The most I got to prove is a few eye witnesses/this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkLsxL3ShI0 . He must've removed it ever since my call. [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 02:43, 8 November 2010 (PST)

==Cheeseburger Locker ==
Should I add a picture of Randy Lahey (in his gay gigolo persona) from Trailer Park Boys? The resemblance is uncanny. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 07:58, 14 November 2010 (PST)

November 2010

2010-11-09T19:48:00Z

Dan Dash:

'''November 2010''' sees the [[Jackie]] saga ongoing, although the video [[ToJackie]] suggests that it may be coming to an end. Rumors suggest that Chris's [[high school]] reunion may take place.

==Events of November 2010==
* 6 November - Chris attempts to do [[100 2278|pull-ups]]. New information about Jackie in the form of [[Jackie Chat 1|chats]] and [[Jackie E-mails 3|e-mails]] are revealed. Lars also had a [[Lars Call|call]] with Chris.
*8 November - Chris's high school reunion took place, it is currently unknown if he attended.

{{Timeline}}

Tobacky

2010-11-05T19:16:48Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris and Marijuana */

[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|NO SMOKING and [[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]] - two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]]]]
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|left|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like [[Chris]] complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''motherfucking moon'']].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."

However, he would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy [[galpal]] offered him a smoke.
{{clear}}

==Chris on tobacky==
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky" (said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}

In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}

For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, an average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C. The surface of the Sun is 5,510 °C.

As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field.

Chris may have been thinking of the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_wind solar wind] phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened. And even if it were feasible for the tobacco molecules to go out that far, the distance is so great they likely would have become too diffuse to cause a noticeable difference in the vacuum of space.

Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.

And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!

tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.

==Chris and Marijuana==
Chris seems to have an even stronger hatred for Cannabis, despite it being hailed as an [http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/autism-treatment-marijuana-madness-8763721 Autism treatment], he still holds on to the idea that it is even worse than tobacky because in CWCville, cigarette smokers are only given a $1,500 fine, but even those who simply possess weed are sentenced to [[Book10Replacement|Maximum Security Prison]], where they usually end up cellmates with [[Mary Lee Walsh|terrorist leaders]].

== So, did he stay committed to never smoking the stuff? ==
[[Wigwam|Nope]], looks like Chris [[Dreams#The acid factory dream|failed to heed godbear's warning]].

==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Tobacky

2010-11-05T19:15:44Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris and Marijuana */

[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|NO SMOKING and [[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]] - two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]]]]
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|left|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like [[Chris]] complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''motherfucking moon'']].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."

However, he would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy [[galpal]] offered him a smoke.
{{clear}}

==Chris on tobacky==
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky" (said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}

In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}

For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, an average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C. The surface of the Sun is 5,510 °C.

As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field.

Chris may have been thinking of the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_wind solar wind] phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened. And even if it were feasible for the tobacco molecules to go out that far, the distance is so great they likely would have become too diffuse to cause a noticeable difference in the vacuum of space.

Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.

And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!

tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.

==Chris and Marijuana==
Chris seems to have an even stronger hatred for Cannabis, despite it being hailed as an [http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/autism-treatment-marijuana-madness-8763721 Autism treatment], he still holds on to the idea that it is even worse than tobacky because in CWCville, cigarette smokers are only given a $1,500 fine, even those who simply possess are sentenced to [[Book10Replacement|Maximum Security Prison]], where they usually end up cellmates with [[Mary Lee Walsh|terrorist leaders]].

== So, did he stay committed to never smoking the stuff? ==
[[Wigwam|Nope]], looks like Chris [[Dreams#The acid factory dream|failed to heed godbear's warning]].

==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

CWCville

2010-11-03T22:26:33Z

Dan Dash: /* Flora and fauna */

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
! CWCville
|-
|'''Flag''' (Ceremonial)
|[[File:Cwcflag1.png|200px|The ceremonial flag of CWCville.]]
|-
|'''Flag''' (National)
|[[File:Newflag1.png|The national flag of CWCville.]]
|-
| '''Location'''
| [[Virginia]], [[USA]]
|-
| '''Coordinates'''
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe, far from [[Molvanîa]]
|-
| '''Date established'''
| ''Fictional'': [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] ''Real world:'' [[2000]]
|-
| '''Population'''
| Unknown. Mixed population of humans, Pokémon, and ripoffs
|-
|'''Political Ideology'''
| Chandlerian Socialism
|-
| '''ZIP code'''
| 02024<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook]]</ref>
|-
| '''Website'''
| None (formerly ''The CWCipedia'')
|-
| '''Also known as'''
| Chris's mind, CWCistan, The People's Democratic Republic of CWCville, The Confederate States of CWCville, Hell, etc.
|-
| '''Exports'''
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, autistic manchildren, oppressed [[Homos|LGBT]] refugees, semen
|-
| '''Current relevance'''
| Main location of events in the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' universe
|}

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville. Note that CWCville's postal code is the same as Chris's birthday, and that the address is nearly identical to his real address.]]
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|The toys that started it all.]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', a city in Virginia of which Chris is Mayor for life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect his bias toward himself. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in his comic, Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> In his willingness to educate, and his confusion at negative reactions to his answers, Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade Sonichu items together on one table in his room. The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the [[Pokémon]] series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Mobius.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.

==Name==

One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym," while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville". In [[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 43]], Chris slams [[Evan]] and fails once again, spectacularly, to realize the seeds of truth buried in parodies.

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

{{Quote|Chris-chan was the Mayor of CWCville. Chris-chan had always been the Mayor of CWCville.|Paraphrased from [[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]
[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor.]]]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]
[[File:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|Chris and his men wielding the CWCville ceremonial flag while on parade in Town Square.]]

According to [[Sonichu 8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections. There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the Cwcville Trade Center Building. Exactly how CWCville's government operates is unknown. Chandler is Mayor-for-life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections, but he has also insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]], but [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville. Voting is strictly for the Town Council (or "Board of Director Members"<ref>[[Mailbag 37]]</ref>), which holds no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. Kim Jong-il succeeded his father Kim Il-sung, and "Baby Doc" succeeded "Papa Doc" in Haiti). However, he refuses to acknowledge that this obviously makes his town a ''monarchy'', by explaining that all other government positions are voted on (even though such a practice is found in many modern monarchies, even absolute ones). It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of ''[[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|damnatio memoriae]]'', where all records of a traitor: statues, etc., are erased after his death). It is theorized that one day Christian will hand over the reins of governance to his daughter, [[Crystal]] Weston Chandler, in which case the town's name will not go through another change.

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville and that he was going to CWCville Jail to get raped by [[niggos]]. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in his bedroom. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion of Fail]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST (and any retraction otherwise would involve him wearing the medallion to make his retraction legally binding), his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS is still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doublethink he was always the ruler], and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random, [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]].

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]; in a predictable display of bureaucratic cluelessness, this important task has been somehow handed to [[Magi-Chan|an obvious closet case]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to have any oversight over a super-powered official or question or contest his findings (and [[Mailbag|disputing the authority has been futile in general]]), it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted — though sensibly, he has not written it into actual ''law'', otherwise all international observers would condemn his actions at once — that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

CWCville has a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|large police force equipped with weapons and TANKS, and even an entire division of the U.S. Army]]; all these units, as said before, are above law. These groups appear frequently all around the city enforcing the laws, giving grim reminders of their existence to the common public every day, dragging the morale down. Any attempts at humor are prosecuted swiftly and severely under the draconian laws that are based on [[Chris and copyright|curious misinterpretations]] of international copyright laws. Dissident comedians who flee the city are hunted down and gruesomely executed (with the emphasis on "cute") by [[Sandy Rosechu|underage assassins]]. Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remain at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[jerkops]] and [[manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] is murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean and Mao are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in ''[[Chris|cruel and inhumane ways]]''.

The basic services are lacking: Packs of wild Pokémon roam the streets, uncontrolled. The Mayor wastes precious [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer money]] on [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|oversize novelty drinking straws]] and [[Patti-chan|credit cards for dogs]]. As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], there were 10 homeless shelters set up: [[Mailbag 20|Chris himself]] claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV. The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

'''tl;dr''' CWCville is a banana republic that makes most African countries look like the world's best places to live.
{{clear}}

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry. With the banning of anything tobacco-related, CWCville loses hundreds of millions of dollars a year in tax revenues, jobs and investment.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

Doubtless CWCville's disastrous economic policy has led the establishment of a flourishing black market, perhaps using [[tobacky]] or [[pickles]] as currency.

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokémon roam in the forests; zapbuds fill the fields.

Zapbuds have quickly established themselves in the surrounding ecosystem. Aside from [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu|"healing woes,"]] relatively little is known about them. They have four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" in their name and electrical hazard symbols on their petals suggest that it might not be the brightest idea to pee in the middle of a zapbud field.

Marijuana is grown in CWCville and is used recreationally [[Inos|by]] [[Yawning Squirtle|several]] [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|people]] but is punished by [[Book10Replacement|Draconian prison sentences]].

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Sonichu]]

CWCville

2010-11-03T22:26:01Z

Dan Dash: /* Flora and fauna */

[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] [[Wikipedia:North Korea|no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
! CWCville
|-
|'''Flag''' (Ceremonial)
|[[File:Cwcflag1.png|200px|The ceremonial flag of CWCville.]]
|-
|'''Flag''' (National)
|[[File:Newflag1.png|The national flag of CWCville.]]
|-
| '''Location'''
| [[Virginia]], [[USA]]
|-
| '''Coordinates'''
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe, far from [[Molvanîa]]
|-
| '''Date established'''
| ''Fictional'': [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] ''Real world:'' [[2000]]
|-
| '''Population'''
| Unknown. Mixed population of humans, Pokémon, and ripoffs
|-
|'''Political Ideology'''
| Chandlerian Socialism
|-
| '''ZIP code'''
| 02024<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook]]</ref>
|-
| '''Website'''
| None (formerly ''The CWCipedia'')
|-
| '''Also known as'''
| Chris's mind, CWCistan, The People's Democratic Republic of CWCville, The Confederate States of CWCville, Hell, etc.
|-
| '''Exports'''
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, autistic manchildren, oppressed [[Homos|LGBT]] refugees, semen
|-
| '''Current relevance'''
| Main location of events in the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' universe
|}

==Overview==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville. Note that CWCville's postal code is the same as Chris's birthday, and that the address is nearly identical to his real address.]]
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|The toys that started it all.]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', a city in Virginia of which Chris is Mayor for life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect his bias toward himself. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in his comic, Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]] The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly stated that this was not true.<ref>[[Mumble 11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> In his willingness to educate, and his confusion at negative reactions to his answers, Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade Sonichu items together on one table in his room. The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes", as if Chicago, for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the [[Pokémon]] series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found on Mobius.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that didn't he give himself a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet. He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule ripoff, but he actually let someone else rule it.

==Name==

One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym," while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville". In [[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 43]], Chris slams [[Evan]] and fails once again, spectacularly, to realize the seeds of truth buried in parodies.

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}

{{Quote|Chris-chan was the Mayor of CWCville. Chris-chan had always been the Mayor of CWCville.|Paraphrased from [[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris needs an [[Ego|arrow pointing to himself]].]]
[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor.]]]]
[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]
[[File:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|Chris and his men wielding the CWCville ceremonial flag while on parade in Town Square.]]

According to [[Sonichu 8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" with no elections. There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the Cwcville Trade Center Building. Exactly how CWCville's government operates is unknown. Chandler is Mayor-for-life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections, but he has also insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]], but [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville. Voting is strictly for the Town Council (or "Board of Director Members"<ref>[[Mailbag 37]]</ref>), which holds no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]] (even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary, e.g. Kim Jong-il succeeded his father Kim Il-sung, and "Baby Doc" succeeded "Papa Doc" in Haiti). However, he refuses to acknowledge that this obviously makes his town a ''monarchy'', by explaining that all other government positions are voted on (even though such a practice is found in many modern monarchies, even absolute ones). It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of ''[[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|damnatio memoriae]]'', where all records of a traitor: statues, etc., are erased after his death). It is theorized that one day Christian will hand over the reins of governance to his daughter, [[Crystal]] Weston Chandler, in which case the town's name will not go through another change.

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville and that he was going to CWCville Jail to get raped by [[niggos]]. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in his bedroom. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion of Fail]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST (and any retraction otherwise would involve him wearing the medallion to make his retraction legally binding), his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS is still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doublethink he was always the ruler], and that there would be no further elections.

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random, [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]].

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]; in a predictable display of bureaucratic cluelessness, this important task has been somehow handed to [[Magi-Chan|an obvious closet case]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to have any oversight over a super-powered official or question or contest his findings (and [[Mailbag|disputing the authority has been futile in general]]), it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted — though sensibly, he has not written it into actual ''law'', otherwise all international observers would condemn his actions at once — that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

CWCville has a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|large police force equipped with weapons and TANKS, and even an entire division of the U.S. Army]]; all these units, as said before, are above law. These groups appear frequently all around the city enforcing the laws, giving grim reminders of their existence to the common public every day, dragging the morale down. Any attempts at humor are prosecuted swiftly and severely under the draconian laws that are based on [[Chris and copyright|curious misinterpretations]] of international copyright laws. Dissident comedians who flee the city are hunted down and gruesomely executed (with the emphasis on "cute") by [[Sandy Rosechu|underage assassins]]. Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remain at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[jerkops]] and [[manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] is murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean and Mao are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in ''[[Chris|cruel and inhumane ways]]''.

The basic services are lacking: Packs of wild Pokémon roam the streets, uncontrolled. The Mayor wastes precious [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer money]] on [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|oversize novelty drinking straws]] and [[Patti-chan|credit cards for dogs]]. As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], there were 10 homeless shelters set up: [[Mailbag 20|Chris himself]] claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an population of 900-1,800 indigents, and come equipped with free cable TV. The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

'''tl;dr''' CWCville is a banana republic that makes most African countries look like the world's best places to live.
{{clear}}

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry. With the banning of anything tobacco-related, CWCville loses hundreds of millions of dollars a year in tax revenues, jobs and investment.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

Doubtless CWCville's disastrous economic policy has led the establishment of a flourishing black market, perhaps using [[tobacky]] or [[pickles]] as currency.

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokémon roam in the forests; zapbuds fill the fields.

Zapbuds have quickly established themselves in the surrounding ecosystem. Aside from [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu|"healing woes,"]] relatively little is known about them. They have four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" in their name and electrical hazard symbols on their petals suggest that it might not be the brightest idea to pee in the middle of a zapbud field.

Marijuana is grown in CWCville and is used recreationally [[Inos|by]] [[Yawning Squirtle|several]] [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|people]] but is punished by [[Book10Replacement|Draconian prison sentences]]

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyevn2-MU7I CWCville's National Anthem]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Sonichu]]

Tobacky

2010-11-03T22:04:35Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris and Marijuana */

[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|NO SMOKING and [[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]] - two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]]]]
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|left|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like [[Chris]] complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''motherfucking moon'']].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."

However, he would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy [[galpal]] offered him a smoke.
{{clear}}

==Chris on tobacky==
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky" (said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}

In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}

For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, an average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C. The surface of the Sun is 5,510 °C.

As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field.

Chris may have been thinking of the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_wind solar wind] phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened. And even if it were feasible for the tobacco molecules to go out that far, the distance is so great they likely would have become too diffuse to cause a noticeable difference in the vacuum of space.

Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.

And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!

tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.

==Chris and Marijuana==
Despite the possession of Marijuana being decriminalized in many states, and usually only punished by up to 5 years of state prison in more conservative states, in CWCville, offenders are sentenced to [[Book10Replacement|Maximum Security Prison]]. Chris, being the social retard that he is, fails to realize that many people smoke weed, and normal people are usually introduced to it in High School or College, but to be honest, who wants to smoke up a fat sweaty manchild?

== So, did he stay committed to never smoking the stuff? ==
[[Wigwam|Nope]], looks like Chris [[Dreams#The acid factory dream|failed to heed godbear's warning]].

==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Tobacky

2010-11-03T22:04:05Z

Dan Dash:

[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|NO SMOKING and [[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]] - two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]]]]
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|left|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like [[Chris]] complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''motherfucking moon'']].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."

However, he would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy [[galpal]] offered him a smoke.
{{clear}}

==Chris on tobacky==
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky" (said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}

In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}

For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, an average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C. The surface of the Sun is 5,510 °C.

As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field.

Chris may have been thinking of the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_wind solar wind] phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened. And even if it were feasible for the tobacco molecules to go out that far, the distance is so great they likely would have become too diffuse to cause a noticeable difference in the vacuum of space.

Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.

And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!

tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.

==Chris and Marijuana==
Despite the possession of Marijuana being decriminalized in many states, and usually only punished by up to 5 years of state prison in more conservative states, in CWCville, offenders are sentenced to [[Book10Replacement|Maximum Security Prison]] . Chris, being the social retard that he is, fails to realize that many people smoke weed, and normal people are usually introduced to it in High School or College, but to be honest, who wants to smoke up a fat sweaty manchild?
== So, did he stay committed to never smoking the stuff? ==
[[Wigwam|Nope]], looks like Chris [[Dreams#The acid factory dream|failed to heed godbear's warning]].

==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Hair

2010-10-31T15:16:21Z

Dan Dash:

[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

Already in atrocious physical condition for someone his age, Chris's baldness has made him look creepier and even more like a [[pedophile]]. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, and his occasional attempts at crafting a combover haven't helped matters.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. More likely, though, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well; he's a total baldo while only in his 40s.

Naturally, Chris being Chris, he thinks his hair looks just fine. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

[[File:George.jpg|thumb|left|George Costanza: Chris' role model?]] If you were at all surprised to learn that Chris doesn't bother to go to a decent barber, but instead lets his mom cut his hair...well, you're new here, aren't you?[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris will look like by December]]

When confronted in the Mailbag ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial.

In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head.

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Troll|or a dude pretending to be one, lol]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service (insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a [[Sonichu]] drawing, where the Spanish side has [[Racism|Sonichu in a sombrero]] (you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZED SOMBREROS).

===Gallery of hair===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Hair

2010-10-31T15:13:54Z

Dan Dash:

[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

Already in atrocious physical condition for someone his age, Chris's baldness has made him look creepier and even more like a [[pedophile]]. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, and his occasional attempts at crafting a combover haven't helped matters.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. More likely, though, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well; he's a total baldo while only in his 40s.

Naturally, Chris being Chris, he thinks his hair looks just fine. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

[[File:George.jpg|thumb|left|George Costanza: Chris' role model?]] If you were at all surprised to learn that Chris doesn't bother to go to a decent barber, but instead lets his mom cut his hair...well, you're new here, aren't you?[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris will look like by December]]

When confronted in the Mailbag ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial.

In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head.

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Troll|or a dude pretending to be one, lol]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service (insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunatley, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a [[Sonichu]] drawing, where the Spanish side has [[Racism|Sonichu in a sombrero]] (you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZED SOMBREROS).

===Gallery of hair===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Daniel Weston

2010-10-01T20:48:29Z

Dan Dash:

[[Image:DanielWeston.JPG|thumb|right|Daniel Weston]]

[[Image:MayflowerBoat.jpg|thumb|right|The ''Mayflower'' Biological warfare from England by dumping their retards into the American gene pool.]]

{{quote|As a matter of fact, among my, uh, mother's side in the uh, ancestral traits [sighs] we have uh, we have been traced down to Daniel Weston, who was on the main--''Mayflower'' voyage.|Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007}}

According to [[Chris]], '''Daniel Weston''' was one of his illustrious ancestors. He was allegedly aboard the ''Mayflower'', the ship that sailed the pilgrim fathers to America in 1620. However, according to all known passenger lists of the ''Mayflower'', there was never a man named Weston aboard...<ref>[http://genforum.genealogy.com/weston/messages/54.html Genealogy Forum]</ref> Weston, according to Chris, was descended from [[Anne Boleyn]], though that in turn [[Fail|raises the question]] of why a descendant of royalty (especially Catholic royalty) would be fleeing England on the ''Mayflower'' (which was full of Puritans) in the first place. There is however, a possibility that Chris actually meant to say [http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilgrim_Fathers Thomas Weston], an English merchant who funded The Mayflower.

This is either complete bullshit from Chris, or his mother easing the awful truth that he's in fact just descended from a bunch of poor, [[Autism|socially backward]], [[Chris_and_sex#Incest|inbred]], [[Barbara|retarded]] [[Bob Chandler|hillbillies]] like everyone else believes. In fact, Chris's earliest known maternal ancestor was a hick whose grandson was an [[Alcohol|alcoholic]], adulterous failure in life, who in turn would have a great-grandson who is just a failure in life.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d9842.html#P1254</ref>

When confronted about it in the [[Mailbag]], Chris brushes the criticism aside, claiming that Daniel Weston was simply a pilgrim, and that he had never said that he was actually on the ''Mayflower''.<ref>[[Mailbag 27#A family history of failure]]</ref>

==References==

<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Weston, Daniel}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-09-24T22:47:40Z

Dan Dash: /* Grand Wizard Bob */

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-09-24T22:45:52Z

Dan Dash: /* Grand Wizard Bob */

==To do==
*<strike>Picture of Bob</strike>
**Bob looks like fucking Jigsaw. Scary. [[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 18:34, 7 February 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's relationship with Bob, in Chris's own words
*add some background to Bob's history. He goes on about himself in the date audio, and he's a pretty interesting guy, like he saw the first plastic Coke bottles shipped off from the assembly line, and he was in the Signal Corps and all sorts of other interesting stuff. We need some of that in here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:06, 26 March 2009 (CET)

(Quick question - whats the date audio? Thanks!)
*...the audio of Chris's date with [[Emily]]. As seen available on the [[The Miscreants]] website. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:31, 17 April 2009 (CEST)

Should I mention he just got sent to the hospital in the health section with congestive heart failure? [[Shawths|Shawths]]

==Great job!==

Seriously, this article is terrific now. I'm surprised how far it's come. Good work to all those involved. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:11, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

: Still need more on video games and raising Chris. The section on Chris should be the biggest in this article. Will wait for others to finish transcribing because I can't make out Bob's quiet voice in church & Emily. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:24, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

== Bob's birthday ==

Why did everyone think it was Feb. 9th instead of Sept. 4? Does Chris not know when his father's birthday is? [[User:Sauerkraut131|Sauerkraut131]] 04:41, 27 June 2009 (CEST)
*No, it's just hard to tell from the Family Tree poster since it's in microscopic print. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:27, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

==Radio Station Gig==
According to some of the recordings via Yahoo Messenger, didn't Bob worked at a radio station at one time? [[User:Decoy Octillery|Decoy Octillery]] 21:01, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

==i suck==

Hi, first time editor, long time lurker. I called CWC's house today, hoping to talk to him, but I got Bob instead. Those other people exaggerated about Bob's bravado in their callfail video, Bob isn't much of an opponent if you don't let him get a word in, he just seems to stammer a lot. Of note, he recognized my Texas area code (432) and said he was from Texas, and that he knew some KKK people who he said he would send over to my house if I didn't stop calling. Unfortunately it's lost to time because I can't record from my cellphone and maintain a decent quality. I called him in the morning, when he woke up I honestly thought it was Chris. Anyways, I suck at this shit, I'm gonna just lurk and wtach from now on. I don't have what it takes to be a troll. Thanks for the interesting page, and sorry I don't have any audio to give you guys. [[User:ColossalFail|ColossalFail]] 19:35, 28 November 2009 (CET)

==Hey... ==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k]

My friend sent me this video earlier today. It has to do with someone prank calling Bob to get more info out of him involving his current life. Is there anything in it we could possibly use for this article? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 16:41, 20 February 2010 (EST)

*Is stuff like this now subject to the new CWCki privacy laws? Or are we good with all that?-[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 19:54, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

==Congestive heart failure==

<center>{{Not_A_Forum}}</center>

Damn. We all knew this was coming eventually, but still.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

: We haven't confirmed it was actually Chris yet--I'm personally at 60-40 Chris, the writing style seems off(the Random Capitalization is unusual) but his posting pattern makes sense. Chris only seems to use Twitter when the CWCipedia has dicks on it and I doubt that he's checked recently.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*The Twitter is his, he's written in the [[CWC Blog]] about it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** I don't see it on the CWCipedia updates.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:***It would explain his lack of presence for the last few days.
: Huh, I don't see that tweet on [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu his Twitter account]. Did he delete it, or am I just missing it somehow? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 04:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* No, it's there. It starts with "Captain's Log Stardate March 1st"--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:13, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** Oh, now I see it. Thanks! *[[slow-in-the-mind]]* --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 17:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
I don't want to live in a Cwcville without Bob. If he dies, I'll kill myself.
''

I'm going to kill myself if Bob Chandler dies
I'm going to kill myself if he makes me cry
I'll slit my wrists or I'll cut my throat
but I'll kill myself, I'll kill myself, by bleeding on his doorstep.''

[[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 05:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

:My grandma died due to congestive heart failure. It isn't a pretty sight. -PeaceCeapPea

:I just heard the news. Dammit, Bob is awesome, I'm praying he doesn't kick it! PLEASE DON'T DIE, BOB! :'( [[User:ToyoWolf|Kimo]] 06:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Just to be clear, CHF doesn't necessarily mean heart attack/failure/imminent death. What it means is that the heart is weakened and is having trouble pumping enough blood to the rest of the body. A lot of overweight and older people develop CHF and don't kick off immediately because of it, and it is treatable. So Bob may live to chop down more internets yet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 07:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

He spent 2 tweets discussing how his dad has a serious health issue, then six talking about himself and Sonichu. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I know, right? What the fuck? That's pretty low. I know Chris has [[Mumble 1|implied]] that he doesn't love Bob, but I'd expect more than that. People always joke about Bob dying, but I wouldn't like that at all. He is the only sliver of awesome left in Chris's life. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 11:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*The thing is, people think that without Bob, we'd get more interesting results from Chris. Bob kept Chris from going to Redmond. Bob is more or less the reason why Chris won't travel anywhere for a troll. Anyways, I think the concern is that Bob has a long history of heart problems already and given his age, he's taken quite a beating and it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect that this might do him in. Not that I pray for the death of Bob, mind you, only that this is the rationale of people focusing on Bob's death and why people aren't exactly optimistic. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:27, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I wouldn't expected anything else from him. What about "I am putting ''Sonichu'' on hold because my father is at the hospital"? That wouldn't have been a novelty. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all do something nice for Lumberjack. Make his life a little easier. We should call in and wish him good health. How much better will he feel knowing that he is more loved than his internet famous son? He'd perk up right away. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:18, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* He appreciated [[4 September 2009|Vivian's card]], that's probably a good idea. A picnic hamper perhaps? Some kind of gift package with food and/or nice shit. Chris won't go to that trouble; someone should.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 16:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*If someone sets up a paypal, I'd chip in 10 bucks. He's the internet lumberjack, after all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I agree, that would be cool. [[User:Lynxr|–Ich bin schwul, '''Lynxr'''. Ich bin schwul.–]] 19:03, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*I plan on sending flowers by myself in the next few days. Some kind of "Get Well" bouquet. The man deserves it. He went through a lot and, even if he could had done better with Chris, he deserves a break. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*I've started a /cwc/ thread on this here: http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/24043.html - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 18:54, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I really hope Bob pulls through for Chris's sake. I really hate Chris but I know what it's like to lose one's father, and that's not something I'd wish upon anybody else. --[[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 16:44, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, seriously. I hope Bob gets well soon.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 19:17, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
** Same here. Out of the Chandlers, Bob is easily the most likeable.....which isn't exactly that difficult seeing the rest of the Chandlers, but still.. --[[User:Torvalr|Torvalr]] 19:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, all the colossal dicks are gone from the Cwcipedia. A mark of respect? --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Sadly, it looks like it. Chris do not deserve any respect. CWCipedia should be a ground for Cock-Parades 24/7/365 [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
**Dude, his dad could be fucking ''dying''. I think it's a nice gesture - that's why I mentioned it.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 22:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***I never saw Chris acting with compassion towards someone before, I don't see why we should indulge in Moral-Faggotery because of Bob's issues. As much as I respect the Old Man, He's not the jerk we all love to hate. This is why I strongly believe that the ads must be put back in place. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 23:25, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*Chris's 'stress' probably gets passed onto Bob. When Bob is in stable condition, there's no way Chris will be able to put his needs ahead of his own. He'll be getting all cunty about the trolling that he's receiving and not helping Bob's situaition at all. I say lay off and go with [[User:Edward|Edward's]] idea. Well wishes and get well soon ads for Bob. So what if Chris gets smug. Smug Chris is positive happy Chris, it's the closest he gets to that emotion. We can put up with that while his dad's in hospital, right? - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:27, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Seconded. /Scruffy --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Chris wouldn't give a fuck if his father died. He hates him. If he hasn't empaphized with anyone else, then why the father he hates so much? He'll fake sadness, pretend he cares, but he'll still consider fucking Patti the worst loss of his life. And going easy on Chris is no help for Bob, that just means that in possibly his last days with his father he'll be all smug about his victory over the gay ads. If anything they should put up a get well message for Bob using the adspace. I'm going to mention that to the Asperpedia crew next time i'm over there. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***Agreed. Look at the Quote of the Now. He mentions that his dad is in the hospital and would be there for a few days, but he had a LOOOONG stressful day. He wants us to feel sorry for him for the day, not his dad. It would be the greatest wake up call when he does pass away.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 23:23, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
****Chris being selfish? that's old news. If bob dies, it's ovbiously he would become chris's new excuse " i can't do << insert anything>> because my dad died" for a while, he'll forget about him and continue to be the jerk we know. Id bob dies he will be free from the torments of chris, bob has been trough too many shit thanks to Chris, bob deserves to finally rest in peace. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 23:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*****Actually, what would happen if Bob died? Presumably the family, not just Bob are living off his pension and social security. Even if they own the house completely, however much Barbra is bringing in plus $450 from Chris' board may not be enough to pay all their costs (bills, food, etc). --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:15, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
****** I wouldn't doubt that the accumulative total of both Chris' and Bab's welfare would be enough to sustain them- provided Chris stopped buying junk he never uses and stops eating at McDonald's. But it seems to me from the Twitter alone that Chris doesn't consider this emergency to be significant- it's like he skimmed across the issue as a lead-up to his retarded comic's scheduling, which in turn lead into "Rule 18" (which I can only assume is Chris' mistaken discovery of Rule 34). If he took the situation seriously at all, he'd either be pouring more emotion into it, or be absent altogether. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 00:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
******* Well Chris claims to have gotten his pack rat nature from his parents. So there's the possibility that if Bob goes, they'll spend themselves into nothing. --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 01:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
-
• One thought- has anyone contacted [[Cole]] yet? I'm in Australia or I would myself. I know Chris doesn't gave a flying fuck and [[Snorlax]] almost certainly doesn't either. He should know I think. --Ronichu
* I think most of the family probably know by now (I would hope so anyway) but Cole has said in the past that he would celebrate when Bob "finally drops". Unless Cole is willing to make peace I say let him stay in the dark on this one, or leave it to the Chandlers to tell him. This is all too soon, I'm not ready for Bob to die yet... I just hope he dies comfortable, not at home and not surrounded by his family. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 01:40, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, when bob dies, i hope he doesn't has to see his failure son's face. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 02:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Agreed on letting the Chandlers tell Cole, if for no other reason than he might not believe some random troll from the Internet. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I really need to ask this- where was it picked up that Bob had a 10% chance of survival? If it was in the linked article, I didn't see it.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*I am asking myself the same question; where this came from? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 11:09, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** It doesn't, I think the person who wrote that must have seen the bit which says that it has an annual mortality rate of 10% and misunderstood it. He statistically has a 90% chance of surviving another year (provided he is suffering from the normal progressive form of the disease). I've changed the article to reflect this. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 11:29, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::Alright, awesome- I was just beginning to think if that had been true, then half my extended family is pretty damn lucky.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:58, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If Bob does kick it (may he rest in peace if he does), what odds do you give on Chris going to a funny farm in the next 5 years? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Unless if the state of Virginia got no cheaper option. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I try to send flowers to Bob but the FTD website ask for a phone number. Anyone got a clue what Chris's phone is? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

He tells us himself in the opening few seconds of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2vGKa-k2Us this video]. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*How about <s>Chris' credit card number</s> the hospital we should send them to? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's credit card number is 2984 8579 9562 3765. That number is fake by the way in case anyone missed the joke. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*thanks for the info. I forgot about this video. I rand FTD with a nice card and a Pink Lily Bouquet. Bob will receive them tomorrow.[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
***Assuming Snorlax doesn't eat them first. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:08, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Do we know that Bob will get them? Knowing Chris, he'll assume that they are for him and make a youtube video thanking his secret admirer for sending him flowers. I hope that you made sure to put down in bold capitals that its for Bob, and even then its only a slim chance that he'll consider the idea that they're not for him. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::*But pink is such a faggy color. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:53, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*There's a possibility that Chris will hijack the bouquet but let's see it that way; it's bloody pink if he does, we got material to doubt his straightness. Not only Bob's name is on the delivery slip but I also send a "Get Well" card mentioning him, the package couldn't be mistaken. FTD will deliver tomorrow. Let's see what it will bring us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I sent Bob a bouquet as well. In all honesty, I enjoyed hearing about his experiences and feel bad that he's stuck with a horrible wife and son. The all the man wants is a chance to discuss the world and listen to his records. At the very least, he deserves to know that there are people that like him out there. --[[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 22:35, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::::*What color? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 00:41, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::*Multi-colored. It's [http://www.teleflora.com/mixed-flowers/bouquet/make-a-wish-167864p.asp?s=t&promotioncode=Shed10&srccode=SH_FR&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=TFWEB164 this one.] [[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 01:00, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*If Chris suffered heart failure, I wouldn't send flowers. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 04:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*I kinda want Bob to die (Don't look at me like i am a monster) because I want the vicarious thrill of watching 14 Branchland Court implode without his common sense. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** Me too. He's pretty much the only person who ever tried to stop a Sweetheart opperation--he could have stopped Julie if Max hadn't been a good liar. Nothing will set the Snorlax off unless you try to lure Chris somewhere, and even then I remind you that we still got him to defy her and go to Ohio. Her general logic for any scenario seems to be "If Chris actually gets a girl, I'll believe it when I see her, otherwise it's his own damn fault for being stupid". This is Chris's logic, minus the part after the comma. Oh, and no Bob means less money, and what's going to make you think Chris starts stealing his tugboat payment from her?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*** If you kinda want Bob to die to make trolling Chris easier you're kinda a far more worthless human being than Chris is. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 23:41, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**** I'll justify myself, then. I will be sad to see Bob die, and I will be happy to see what happens when he's gone.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:12, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
***Like I said, I'm no monster, I just wanna see Chris fall apart without Bob's guidance. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 00:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** If Chris has no-one to defend him or motivate him, it won't be a challenge to troll him anymore. I like Bob, and if I get to his age I intend to spend all day everyday swingin' with the music. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 02:30, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** Well, since Barb is too weighed down by her own rolls to do anything, if Bob dies, there will be shit hitting fans in Chris' home real soon, and I don't mean cat shit.. Either way it's going to be funny considering Chris' warped view on death. --[[User:CrookedSmirk|CrookedSmirk]]
**** She's not that fat, not yet anyway.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

I know everyone has realized this by now, but I don't think Chris understands the severity of it all. On his Twitter, it says that Bob came down with a ''case'' of congestive heart failure. The way he's talking about it, it seems that Chris thinks that this is something Bob can overcome like a sick bug or something. That also explains the lack of concern in his two videos - he actually thinks Bob's gonna be alright in a few days, as if some R&R would do good! He doesn't realize that this may very well be the beginning of the end!--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:20, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*This is why I pity Bob Chandler right now. He's a man with decades of fair work, a patent on his name and the opportunity to be called the veteran of the most intense war the world never saw. Only for this, he will be a better man than myself. Here's the sad part. On the Internets, he will be remembered as the "Joseph" of the "Fail Messiah". The very fact that Chris ignore him in what we might call his last hours on Earth is shocking to me. He really don't deserve this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Point. Bob's death may come as a total and complete surprise to Chris.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*How do we even know Barb would let him know all the details? Wouldn't she consider keeping Chris ignorant to be a small mercy? --[[User:LeninandMcCarthy|LeninandMcCarthy]] 05:56, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:**Small mercy? From everything I've heard of her, if she kept the details from Chris it would be because it's easier on her to just not tell him. In all honesty if anything's going to happen with this, it should be trying to get Chris to actually spend time with his father. Remember, the closest he's had to a constant in his life dying is his dog, and Optimus Prime, and in Chris' mind both of those came back. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 06:59, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

:I still think we should do something nice for Bob while he's sick. Unlike Chris, Bob is definitely someone I see as with positive qualities along with the negative (which he has plenty of, but don't we all). In light of this, I wanted to have a small hatched engraved with a message "For 'The Internet Lumberjack'. Get well soon! - The Trolls" on the front face and "Keep on swinging!" on the back. I found a place that does engraving along with a hatchet that would be suitable ($100 or so cost all up, probably about the same for postage, not a problem for me since I work), unfortunately I called Australia Post and they said that there were import restrictions on edged weapons into the United States for some reason. Is there anywhere in the US where one could order something similar to the above created and delivered? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:28, 4th of March 2010 (Australian Central Standard Time).
:*Does Bob even know that he's the Internet Lumberjack? The joke might be totally lost on him. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 10:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
*The cause was an internet fell on him. --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 08:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If bob dies, do you think chris will put him in his comic, just like patty?[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 18:54, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

* Probably, but he'll be a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Il_Sung Kim Il-Sung] type character, The dead but eternal leader of CWCville. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:37, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*For those who don't know, [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ Charlottesville obituaries are here]. I'm not sure if this has been posted yet; correct me if it has. So far Bob has not shown up. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 21:17, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If he dies, I hope the funeral isn't private, because I plan on burying my axe and a broken internet modem with him.
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 23:02, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Guys, please, this is getting out of hand. There's lots of places to discuss stuff for Bob like sending him flowers and shit. But this place is not the place to do it. Please refer to [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|this]]. Talk pages should be reserved for how to improve the article and not for content - it was alright to discuss the validity of the tweets, for instance, but this is getting out of hand. Fuck, you can even arrange things on the Community Portal if you really want to.

Next person who posts something not related to improving the Bob Chandler article '''will be banned.''' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:25, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

I've added a heading below the ''Health and late life'' heading called ''What about Bob?''. I'm using it to encompass what little we know about the recent heart failure saga, and briefly touch on Chris's extracurricular activities during it. I figure once it's all over with, it will be much easier to delete the heading and contents as a whole, rather than sift through the Bob article and remove things piecemeal. But if it's getting too big, or if you all don't like it, feel free to cut it down in the spirit of Bob. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 06:26, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

==Bob's past heart attacks==

If you check out the transcript for the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]], you'll see several gaps, one of which is very large. I just reached the point in the audio where the first gap occurs, and it's ''right there'' that Bob starts talking about his history of health problems, most notable of which are his past heart attacks. We seem to have a surplus of Bob fans, so would one (or more) of you like to start filling in that gap (and/or the others)? I'm willing to do it myself, but I'm not the world's fastest typist, and - all kidding aside - I'd like to have all of this information about Bob made available before the man dies. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:57, 5 March 2010 (UTC)
*I'm surprised I haven't noticed this before. I'll actually add this to the Improvement of the Now. Be sure to mention this in the [[Transcription Collective]] as well. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:32, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

*He's definitely gonna die soon, because the fact that he's had four heart attacks and is older than my grandfather by a decade (he was born in 1937) , is a telltale sign that he's gonna meet Billy Mays sometime within the year.

*PSN message shows than Bob is okay, according to Chris, at least. Should he die, it'll be a day of mourning, but not for Cole. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 23:20, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

==Should we really be checking the Charlottesville obituaries?==

I thought that the Chandlers lived in Ruckersville and not Charlottesville proper. Perhaps someone from the area can inform me of the truth?--[[User:Doomknight|Doomknight]] 08:28, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, but isn't the hospital in Charlottesville? I'd call them myself but my Boston accent's too thick for them to not raise an eyebrow. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 21:10, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

I had assumed that Ruckersville wouldn't have their own obit listing, but I just found out that they do. I'll add that link to the Charlottesville link on Bob's page. It's more of an off chance that he'd be listed anyway. Considering that the only people who would even write an obit would be Barb or Chris, it's doubtful if he'd even get one. But since we've all basically been pissing in the wind regarding Bob for the last week, it's about all we can do. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 06:14, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

== Is Bob dead..? ==

[http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Is Chris still in control of this site?], because "Sonichu is no longer being updated. My father's passing has been too great for me. :( It is like I Lost Patti All Over Again."

The site was last updated on the 31st of March... --[[User:AsperGirl|AsperGirl]] 06:50, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

*It's a troll page. I think someone already saw and mentioned it elsewhere.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 06:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

* I personally spoke to both Bob and Snorlax about seven hours ago. They are both alive. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 07:18, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

So some people of TV Tropes seem to think Bob's dead. I've looked through a few websites that list obituaries from Ruckersville and Charlottesville and he wasn't listed on any of them. Any conformation as to whether he's alive or not? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 23:42, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
*No telling, could be a trolling plot. I think we'd be warned if Bob was dead. The simple solution is to call Chris and simply ask him.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:24, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
** I tried calling him yesterday to ask him about Bob, but I couldn't get a hold of him. I'll try again, even though I know he probably won't pick it up. (How do you guys even manage to talk to him, anyway?) --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 23:12, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
::*There are about 15 more 'Sydney Calls' which are just voicemail messages and the like. Chris is too lazy to answer his phone and his parents are quite sick of all the pranks. Keep trying and you'll eventually get through. I tell you what though, if Chris actually gets a call from a game designer they would not put up with someone being so impossibly unreliable to contact. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 23:18, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
:::* Ah, I thought "call until he decides to pick up" would be the answer. I managed to get him on the line once sometime last year, but that was back when I was a CWC newfag, sooooo I froze up and hung up. *fails forever*

But yeah, that'd be yet another reason (out of an infinite amount of reasons) why game designers wouldn't touch ''Sonichu'' with a ten-foot pole. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 01:25, 14 May 2010 (UTC)
::*If so, then a new era has begun. If not, then we can annoy Chris. And there's nothing Rocky can do about it.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 23:47, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
::*Heh, don't worry about the freezing up thing. Sydney was a huge fail, but she was about 50x more successful than my previous effort, where I got absolutely no response at all, only annoyed him a little, didn't record anything at all, entertained his parents and then nearly dox'd myself due to my tardness. Just to be sure, you're not calling him with your real phone, right? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 01:32, 14 May 2010 (UTC)
::** Er.... Yeah, I'm using my cell phone. And for extra fail points, I use Audactiy to try to record my calls. What should I do instead? '''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 18:49, 25 May 2010 (UTC)
== racist ==
so has bob ever actually been out-and-out racist or is that just a (probably correct) assumption? just wondering [[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 15:56, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
{{quote|Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Bob, [[Prank_calls#.27Epic_Crazy_Lady.27_calls_Bob|choreographing trolls]]}}
This quote would suggest Bob thinks of black people in a negative light, referring to the trolls as being black. I'm stereotyping, but it's not uncommon for people from his generation to hold racist views. Him having been raised in Alabama would also suggest that he was exposed to racist views. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:07, 3 June 2010 (UTC)

ahahaha, how did i ever miss that article? funny shit, thanks man. although in another video on the page (just reading the transcript here, my speakers are busted so i can't hear how he says it so he could be being sarcastic or dismissive or whatever) he tells a troll to put effort into something constructive like helping haitians. i've known people who said stuff similar to "get your black ass down" (ok, not really that phrase but you get what i'm saying) and they aren't really racist. but then again i also live in south louisiana so that probably has something to do with the different standards for what constitutes racism or something (down here someone's not really considered racist until they start throwing around the n-word or other slurs or explicitly slander a race/someone because of their race). which, of course, isn't to say that makes saying something like that any less heinous.[[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 15:59, 5 June 2010 (UTC)

or maybe i'm just willing to give some people more leeway than they deserve; yeah that's probably it. [[User:Woot Rodriguez|Woot Rodriguez]] 05:41, 8 June 2010 (UTC)

== That picture of Bob and Chris ==

Long time lurker, love the site. I was just looking at the picture of Bob and Chris in what appears to be a classroom (0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg) and was noticing the Grade Chart. Am I reading it wrong, or does it seem to award money prizes for different grades, with at least 5$ being awarded even for failure? If I'm not misinterpreting it, does this mean Chris was getting rewarded, no matter how badly he did? [[User:Colonelslime|Colonelslime]] 17:55, 16 July 2010 (UTC) (Edited to add signature, my apologies)

* First off, sign your posts, four tildes at the end of your post. To answer your question, it might not mean that, in that he probably wasn't making money. Many teachers have systems with their students to encourage learning. The teacher makes some fake money, the kids take a test, the kids earn money based on their performance. She'll have a thing of toys they can buy with what they make. It was apparently popular back in the 80s and mid 90s, but nowadays kids can get better stuff than that by themselves. There's a slight chance that the kids were actually getting paid, but that would be a pretty bad plan for a teacher to put into motion. If so, it probably would have been for their final, overall grade, but still. Also, there is a talk page for files as well, so if you have anything else post there, alright? [[User:Schuzrum-dias|Schuzrum Dias]] 07:30, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

== The Automatic (Something) is...? ==

Could it possibly be he worked on the first automatic switchboard for the area, or possibly the whole reigon? I've read up on these, and it sounds like he worked on the first installation as part of a test run to see how well they would function under standard call input rates and to test how durable they were under stress. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 16:55, 19 August 2010 (PDT)

== Patents ==

Here are two more patents with Bob's name on them I couldn't fit in the Work section because I am about to Crash into Slumber.

http://www.google.com/patents?id=jKU4AAAAEBAJ
http://www.google.com/patents?id=-DMBAAAAEBAJ

--[[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 01:07, 12 September 2010 (PDT)

==Grand Wizard Bob ==
While I know that the revelation of his Klan membership came right out of the horse's mouth, Does anyone know if he's really a member, or just bullshitting?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:23, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:He's not saying he's a member. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 14:05, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

He implied he was a member, just read this quote:'''''Bob: I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella'''''
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 15:45, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-09-24T19:23:45Z

Dan Dash:

Talk:Jackie

2010-09-14T19:26:36Z

Dan Dash:

{{Not A Forum}}

tl;dr: This woman decided to contact us and wants to tell other women not to go out with chris. she doesn't know how the wiki shit works so just like...i'm handling it for now. so yeah. okay. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 04:23, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

and apparently now she's back with chris for some reason. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 14:35, 13 September 2010 (PDT)

* I'm assuming this is the same woman as in the Jackie e-mails, right? - [[User:Boop|Boop]] 15:24, 13 September 2010 (PDT)

** Probably. I'm still curious as to how CHRIS of all people bagged such a major fucking hottie. --[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 06:07, 14 September 2010 (PDT)

Wasn't the Jackie page deleted sometime ago between the 6th and now while we were trying to figure it out. Or am I forgetting the origonal name? --[[User:SerenityMoonstone|SerenityMoonstone]] 21:37, 13 September 2010.

I thought that listing the last name was a no-no after the Wallflower incident. Is this something that should be taken out or are we going to leave it up this time? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 19:10, 13 September 2010 (PDT)

You have to remember that The Wallflower herself requested to take her name down of the site - all the other names e.g. Megan Schroeder are still there --[[User:Maximilian Graves|Maximilian Graves]] 19:14, 13 September 2010 (PDT)

I Have to ask, Who's behind this?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 12:26, 14 September 2010 (PDT)

2011

2010-09-10T23:05:51Z

Dan Dash:

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]".]]

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*''[[Wikipedia:Spore (2008 video game)|Spore]]'' is finally ported to consoles. Chis immediately makes Sonichu and Rosechu creatures. In a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works, Chris flips out when it appears Sonichu is having [[Homos|gay]] sex with a clone of himself in Creature Stage. Chris accuses [[Wikipedia:Will Wright (game designer)|Will Wright]] of being a damn dirty troll.
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard rage, he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>Transformer</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''CWC: The Movie'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular film of all time, starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Burke as Barbara and Ulliel Gaspard as Liquid. [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

2011

2010-07-31T02:16:44Z

Dan Dash:

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in '''2011''']]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' A year after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant]]

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2011''':

*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally goes to cut down the [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*[[Autism|High Functioning Autism]] is officially recognized by the [[America]]n Psychological Association and listed in DSM-V.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Project Natal]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard rage, he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a [[Transformers|Transformer]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Baggett orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris really was a hedgehog all along.
*On [[Christmas]] Day 2011, scientists announce that they had created a cure for autism, derived from chemicals found in Christian's body.
*''CWC: The Movie'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular film of all time, [[Cole Smithey]] tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.

<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica]] in '''2011'''.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla]] could have looked like in '''2011'''.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

User talk:Delabonte

2010-07-27T20:41:11Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris n Weed */

At least you get the joke. YOUR AN HERO TO ME, DELABONTE! --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:34, 2 May 2009 (CEST)

Oh lol, my bad. Was in grammar nazi mode, fixing typos. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 16:10, 2 May 2009 (CEST)

==Congratulations!==

You were mentioned in the [[Rollin' and Trollin'|new video]]. Nice. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:48, 17 July 2009 (CEST)

*Thanks. This calls for a box to go on my userpage. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:59, 18 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Oh Lord, I just your pro tip on your user page and I LOL'd. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:33, 9 September 2009 (CEST)

==Lovely Weather==
"Sex under false pretence IS statutory rape. Also saying Chris raped his future wife is funnier."

I'm not going to sit here and have an edit war with you, but I believe you are mistaken, Mr. ex-Minister. I can find ''no'' evidence of sex under false pretense being considered rape of any kind. It certainly is sexual assault, but I can't find any legitimate site that claims it to be rape (aside from random postings of failtowns on forums). Unless you can provide some evidence, I'd say that you're simply wrong about that.

On top of that, you're right in saying that it's "funnier" to say that he raped her, but that's not the point. We're supposed to document what actually happened/was implied. We don't need to make up things to make Chris look like more of a douche; he does that for us enough as it is. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 04:15, 11 December 2009 (CET)
*You're... You're kidding, right? If she doesn't know who he is, and thinks he is someone else, she cannot give consent. Sex without consent is rape. You're pretty gross for arguing that's not what happened, because it totally is. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 04:26, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*She ''thinks'' she knows who he is, though. He deceived her and got her to willingly consent to sex with him. That's not ''rape''. It's sexual assault. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 04:30, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*Every weekend, I'm over at a singles' bar in the area. I always lie out of my ass just to get laid. One week I'm an airplane pilot, the other I'm a venture capitalist, one day I was even a comic book artist. And now you're telling me I'm a rapist? --[[User:Lynxr|Lynxr]] 04:46, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::*Of course she ''thinks'' she does; that's part of the deception. Look, if I dress up like Jimmy Hill and go over to your house and you go "Oh God, Jimmy Hill!" then tear off my clothes and go down on me (cause u gay like that), then I rip off my mask after jizzing on your face and go "Surprise! I'm really Internet Comedian SonichuIs44!" I've raped you. You consented to sex with Jimmy Hill, not with me. Even if I never reveal I'm not Jimmy Hill, I've raped you; you never consented to sex with me. You could at least try arguing it's not rape based on the fact that she's having sex with Chris either way. And pray tell what is the difference between rape and sexual assault?
:::Lynxr, you're not telling them that you're someone else though; if you convinced them you're really Tom Hanks, but you're not (I'll assume you're not), you've deceived them. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 04:48, 11 December 2009 (CET)

:::"It certainly is sexual assault" - what do you think rape is? Time-travel sexual assault laws have yet to be tested, but from where I stand if you have sex with someone knowingly under false pretense, then it's not fully consensual. Also, this is the CWCki not the supreme court. And saying Chris travelled through time to rape his future wife is still funnier. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:53, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::*You both have a interesting definitions of consent. What you're saying is that it isn't consent unless she knows the full truth. That's... horribly illogical and simply untrue. Now, specifically for Sonichuis44, the difference between rape and sexual assault is that rape is entirely forced and without consent (or in some cases of statutory rape, simply consensual sex with a minor). Chris ''has consent'' in this case, whether you want to admit that or not. She willingly did it with him, and not under threats or force (unless there's something he's not telling us about this fictional story that he, himself, made up in the first place). It's as simple as that. Maybe what he did violated her, maybe she really wouldn't care all that much if she knew the truth, but it doesn't really matter, but it seems pretty obvious that she agreed to it. Back to the point, though, rape is a ''subset'' of sexual assault. Sexual assault involves undesired sexual contact, but it might not involve intercourse in any way (such as sexual touching), or, even if it does... well... that's relative to who's making the rules in whatever jurisdiction. Some things that are generally considered sexual assault in most places are mitigated to full-blown rape status in other places and vice versa. I don't really care to get too into that, but the fact of the matter is that he had her consent, and that's what's relevant here. However, I'm done arguing about this fictional story. Further arguing about a sexual encounter that never happened, nor ever could (as time-travel like that is, from a logical standpoint, absolutely impossible), seems ridiculous. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 05:17, 11 December 2009 (CET)

*Don't bring logic into this. Also, Chris agrees with you: "You are misunderstood, it was not rape; She mistook me for my future self, and She Asked Me to have sex with her.". This means you are wrong. Good day sir. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:31, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*We may have had a tense discussion, and you may well have been a piss-poor Minister of Defense, but... I've decided that I like you, Seinor Delabonte. Your lulziness rating qualifies you for the much-coveted Badge of Lulziness and All-Around Goodness, which you may apply for by filling out the form that will be mailed to you shortly. Please allow blah blah blah blah. Good day. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 06:54, 11 December 2009 (CET)

== Temporary ban ==

Dude, Cody is a newfag but he's trying his best from what I've seen thus far. I don't give a fuck of he's a juggalo elsewhere and as I told BlueSpike, I'm not banning him from CWCki unless he starts shit here. As I said [[User_talk:Wwwwolf#Question|here]], I will not ban a user unless they do shit on the CWCki like harass users, vandalism, etc.

Delabonte, I am disappoint, son. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:53, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

*I apologise. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 13:52, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

== PRO TIP ==

With the welcome template, you have to manually enter your user name so if a new user wanted to ask you a question, there would be a direct link, so it'd look like <nowiki>{{welcome|Delabonte}}</nowiki> and it would provide a link to your talk page where they can ask you a question. Yeah, it's lame but I'm not sure if the process can be automated or anything. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:58, 28 January 2010 (UTC)

== I love you ==

For your "Not a forum" template. You've made me proud.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== User Pages ==

I don't know who you are you what you are, and I don't really care - but don't edit userpages of others. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:15, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

I should have known. You are a PVCC member and a member of the old guard. A newfag like me has no chance. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 01:47, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*You keep repeating this like it's going to make me respect you but continuing with your Autistic actions. Don't shit on my cupcake and tell me it's icing. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:07, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*Hi 16BitAlex. I was informed I'm not allowed to call you a fag on your talk page. So, hi. Fag. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 04:39, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
:*HEY GUISE, I MADE A VIDEO THAT WARDS OFF FAGGOTS...

{{#ev:youtube|T0HpSVvGOnQ}}

::LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKS. ALSO, 16BITALEX TOLD ME HE COVERED HIS DICK IN APPLESAUCE AND LIKED IT. THEN HE ERASED IT TO HIDE THAT FACT. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 07:18, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

*This is good and you should feel good. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:57, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

==Messages to Alex==

Why did you eat your homework? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:57, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

:It tasted better than apples.
:
:And, I cannot accept. To me, eating apples is equivalent to dressing in women's garments, and unlike Chris, I do not have a desire to be a woman (see Crystal the twin sister). --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 14:42, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

:BTW, I approve of my quote on your user page, unlike that last one. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 16:33, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

1) I have no desire for your approval.
2) We're not singling you out here. All PVCC members have to undergo a test of loyalty. This is yours. If you are too cowardly to complete it please refrain from bitching about the PVCC being a closed community, and remember that you had your chance. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 01:50, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:(since Gary was a loser and Ash was here last time) This was against my personal beliefs. Almost anything that didn't involve eating or drinking a vile "healthy" substance, I might have done. And then you have the nerve to spit in my face after you gave me a task I could and would not complete. I AM NOT A COWARD. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 03:02, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

Do you understand the sacrifices people have made to join the PVCC? Trolling Chris at this level requires nerves of steel. It requires somebody willing to face their worst fear. As you yourself have said, you cannot eat an apple. '''You are a coward''' and I was wrong to ever think you were one of us. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:44, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:What Delabonte said. I have seen trolls go to the highest highs and the lowest lows to achieve lulz. And you? You won't even eat a fucking fruit. '''That shows you are completely and totally spineless.''' Getting into the PVCC usually involves proving that you are not a faggot. You haven't. What the hell makes you think you would last 5 minutes in there? We're not spitting in your face, you are spitting in ours. Basically, you want to sit around with your thumb up your ass and be worthless yet still hang out with people who do more than play Rock Band all day. '''Go back to your plastic instruments you sniveling, chicken-shit, coward.''' --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 10:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::My 360's dead, remember? No more Rock Band for me. I literally have nothing. I can't get a job because I haven't worked a day in my life, and no one will hire a rookie. And who said I wanted to post there? I'd just lurk moar there. Better than lurking in /cwc/. What are these highest highs and lowest lows? I am pretty sure fruit is not one of them. I will not stop until I am in. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 16:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Heh, I'm watching this unfold and I'd just like to comment that I love how you are acting just like Chris. You apparently won't be useless because your shitty game broke. Because your game broke, you have nothing, which is like Chris except his games haven't broken yet (yet he has equally little in real life). You expect people to pity you because you've never contributed to society. You have a sense of entitlement that you think earns you the right to walk through a locked door and just sit on the inside. People get into PVCC because they want to not be useless pieces of shit all day. Lurking is not what they do. God damn. Fuck a fruit basket. (inb4 not a forum/trolling, I have a need to speak my mind that borders on faggotry, I know, but it isn't trolling.) :3 [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:10, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::"Not a forum" is for article talk pages. If only society gave me a chance to contribute. Society gave Chris a chance. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 17:14, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Jesus Christ, you really are a '''sniveling coward'''. More than I even imagined. There's a hole in your story. It says right on your user page <blockquote>"...but I wish I could contribute to the troll efforts.."</blockquote> and now you tell us you just want to sit on the sidelines. I know why there's a change to your tune. '''You're afraid'''. As for highs and lows, it seems you are also an illiterate dipshit. Do you think field agents want to be around Chris? Do you think that people walk around in pickle suits in public for fun? Some of the trolls have suffered severe embarrassment and just plain disgusting situations. You can't even eat an apple so you can "lurk moar" on a fucking forum. That is the '''epitome of cowardice'''. No wonder you have a pathetic life. You are too scared to do anything except '''nothing'''. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 17:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:::::Alex. Listen man, I don't support Delabonte by any means. If I were in your position, then i'd be pissed off too. But speaking as an onlooker of this argument you have gotten yourself into: If Chris has taught us anything then it's to not feed the trolls. With that in mind, stop talking. Stop talking right now, move to a new account to escape the trolling, and spend the rest of your online days lurking quietly and not getting involved in PVCC related arguments. Seriously, you don't wanna fight these guys. You will lose. Remember who owns this site. I'm just sayin' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:23, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::If I had any logical place to QFT, be damn sure that I would. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:33, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::Any place to what now? Sorry, i'm not up on my internet speak lately. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:36, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::::Eh, sorry. Quote for truth. Common on forums when someone agrees with another to such an extent that they can't think of a way to put it better themselves. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:38, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::::Oh. Thank you. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:39, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I go for all or nothing. In this case, I've got "very little" - no job, a bad reputation here, but at least the knowledge of Chris. "All" would be being a respected member of the PVCC. "Nothing" would be a life ruined by being trolled.

As I hold out, am I not demonstrating my nerves of steel? --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 17:43, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Knowledge of Chris is easily accessible and so not worth two shits. You're still trying for pity, which is only going to be met with "Fuck you" round these parts. Let me be the first. Fuck you. Also, at this rate, even if you skip this account and start fresh, your petty attitude and general lack of merit means you can never be respected by PVCC. Lern2internet, then come back in a few months once you get your shit sorted out. Final point: "nerves of steel" got a laugh out of me. You're putting up with a few people on the internet. That isn't hard. You won't even eat a fruit for fuck's sake. Drop the "nerves of steel" shit and start trying to find something you actually DO have. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:51, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::You heard me the first time when I said I have nothing. The rotten school system taught me nothing. The more I put up with this, the more I sympathize with Chris. In fact, I might have to find a former friend of mine to Ian Brandon Anderson and take his identity just so I have something. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 18:41, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Alex. Your doing it wrong. This is not the best course of action. I tried saying it nicely and tried to give you some good advice. Let me now try putting it another way:

:::Being a whiney bitch does not get you respect. Shut the fuck up before you dig yourself in any deeper. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:07, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Holding out gives you "nerves of steel"? That's hilarious. You are too scared to eat a fruit. '''Coward'''. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 21:23, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

What can I do, after shutting up and admitting defeat? I can't exactly get a life yet, since as I said, I'm unhireable, and I have two more dreadful years of school left. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 21:46, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Oh no! You have to go to school! What kind of dirty trolls made you do that?! It's good to see that you're blaming them for the problems in your life, [[100_2178.MOV|just like Chris]]. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:07, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::I'm not blaming the trolls for making me go to school. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 22:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::: Oh, don't be such a slow-in-the-mind. In a phrase with two potential subjects, the thing smart people do is choose the one that makes sense. Might be a bit of a stretch, when one factors in the fact you have a fear of FRUIT, but still, I expected more. 0/10 try harder. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:27, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

seriously, you have shown 0 reasons why you deserve a pvcc account. ZERO. you're never getting an account. ever. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 22:22, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

SHUT UP ALEX! JESUS CHRIST! Alex, I had more sympathy for you when you were just being trolled for being a dumbass. Stop being such a self absorbed little bitch and GTFO! Take my advice and just adopt a new name. I don't give a shit about how horrible your real life is! No-one does! This is the internet! You can sort out any real life shit on you own time. Here though, you actually have a chance to save your reputation by starting a new identity and just never letting anyone know who you are. Your certainly not ever getting respected this way, and Clyde just told you that you have 0 chance of getting into PVCC now. So leave! DO IT FAGGOT! --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:31, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

Having been dox'd, they'd probably remember my IP address. I will never be able to escape this identity. It's too late for me to turn back. It is my life mission to get into the PVCC and become a respected member.

I don't care if I never get china, I don't care if I have to live on the monthly tugboat.

I'm probably irredeemable at this point. It would take a sex change for me to be able to in good conscience eat that apple. You've pushed me to the point where I start bleeding Honest Content. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 22:45, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

OH DEAR LORD!!!!! Now I know what the White Knights go through when they first realise that Chris can't be helped. This is it! This torturous feeling I get trying to get through to you! A feeling of my very soul being chained down and laughed at as I try to fight against an unmoving brick wall! It's the most horrific thing I have ever felt! '''WHAT ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!''' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:52, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Having trolled people quite a lot (it's what motivated me to come here, and I still do it regularly) I can tell you that this is about at the stage where he has the "brilliant" and "original" idea where he is backed into a corner so he pretends he was actually trolling us the whole time. He's using Chris terminology to try to lighten the mood. Troll victory GET... Except this time this isn't trolling. Oh, and he's planning to deny this comment. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Oh, and check his page. He's an emo now too. Figures. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:59, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

What am I? Possibly the next Chris. After all, the same dysfunctional school system, Chesterfield County Public Schools, produced the both of us. Anyone who went to school there and turned out normal probably had some kind of deity, good or evil, on their side to give them the brainpower and willpower. I, unfortunately, am an atheist, giving me no resistance against the defective education.

I have seen my purpose, and it is to be a lolcow. Trolls, move your home base from Charlottesville to Richmond. It's the lolcow capital of the world now.

Had you not launched the attack on RuleCWC, this would have never happened. But, had you seen through me when I listed my similarities to Chris on the original version of my user page, you would have found that out sooner. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:09, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:Would you please just shut up and start slitting your wrists already? I've already given you some very good advice. And don't give me that shit about IP tracking. People have beter things to do than hunt you down. Just get a different account and don't start any more shit and your safe. Why is this so hard to comprehend? This would be over already if you didn't keep whining about it. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:13, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:If I had to choose between a stereotypical emo useless piece of shit and this guy, the stereotypical emo would win. That places 16Bit on par with furries on my Scale of Respect. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:15, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Funny you should say that. I am a former furry. To be more precise, I was along the lines of Alix Henroil, only with Sally instead of Sonic as the target of my affections. Emphasis on former. Even I don't like furries anymore. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Wow, there really ISN'T anything good about you. Why the fuck is an emo furfag on a troll site to begin with? [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:27, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Emo/former furfag, thank you. I ditched the latter to become the former. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:32, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::Once a fag, always a fag. You cannot grow out of a sickness. Both are attention whore wastes of space, so I always figured it was more of a package deal. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:39, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I'm going to pop over to /cwc/ for a moment to consult the anons about the best COA. Hold down the fort here for me, would you? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:28, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Can do. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:31, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Waiting for a response now. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:45, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I got some replies. [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/48074.html See here] --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:04, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
:Eh, they have a point. I guess we could just wait until he bawwws and then get someone to deliver the b&hammer. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 00:14, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

::I suppose, but as I said in the thread, I don't think you can be banned just for being a whiney emo furfag attention whore. Unless we have any rouge Jerkops out there who might be willing to help? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:19, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Remember, I was a decent editor until I cracked. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 00:22, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
*Looking over your edits, you were a shit editor. This makes sense since you don't have access to the PVCC to learn all of the current troll goings on. Oh well, given what a huge coward you are, and that you will never join PVCC as a result, I guess you will always be a shit editor.[[User:Raticus|Raticus]] 20:12, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Shut up. You have lost your right to free speech. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:24, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Alright then. Anon have spoken. They say to just ban the fucker. I doubt I can get him banned, but it's worth a shot. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:38, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

I've asked Clyde to get rid of him. Awaiting response once more. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 01:06, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Listen, I got to go to sleep now. It's about 3AM where I am right now, and i'm getting tired. I'll be back in about 9 hours for further insulting of Alex or celebrations, depending on whether or not he is banned by then. 'Night --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 01:13, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

With regard to his new shit: So basically you're saying that men who eat fruit turn into women...? Well, that certainly explains the rampant epidemic of trannies the world has been so worked up about... wait...
Also, asians aren't necessarily incest, so I dunno what the fuck that's about. You never even finished that sentence. Apple products you count as exceptions because it's convenient. It just shows how lazy you are that you can't even follow your own rules. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:32, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
*Copy-paste that onto his talk page. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:54, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
**Crap wording. Reworded on my user page. Fruit doesn't make all men fruits, it's only me who suffers this irrational belief. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 20:39, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
***I am literally crying right now at the thought you could still be alive with how fucked up you are. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:53, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

I feel the same way about you Edward. Stop famewhoring on my page. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:10, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:If anyone's "famewhoring", it's you, Delabonte. You made this section so you could rant at a user for attention. If other people join in, then yeah, they get attention out of it, too. However, this is still your attention whoring plan, not his. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 16:15, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

Is there anyone on this bloody CWCki these days not afflicted with Autism? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:24, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:Most users actually. Believe me, i'm a minority here. I don't see what your problem is with autistics though. Autism is not an instant retard formula, despite what Chris would lead you to believe. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:44, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

All you guys are fucking pathetic. So long, faggots
:Sign your posts, god damn. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:35, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:That. Also, good riddance. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 00:19, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
::All in all I think things are turning out rather well today. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:55, 28 June 2010 (UTC)

== 'Fuckwit Alert' ==

If I may ask what the hell this is all about; is this about posting on Jenkins talk page? Really, I didn't do anything. Champ's specific instructions were "do not fuck with this user", not "absolutely no communication whatsoever." All I did was point him to the userbox list. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:24, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*His instructions were clear. Stay away from that page. Do not get in the way. Also, multiple userboxes that have nothing to do with Chris or the CWCki are for Autistics and faggots. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:27, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**If that's true, then why make one? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:28, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
Because it's a language you morons understand. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:30, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*While he should have been able to infer Champ's meaning, shouldn't you have just given him a warning, since, you know, people sometimes interpret meanings with even the slightest degree of vagueness differently than intended? [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 10:54, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*Coming soon- "Corporate Watchdog: The story of one Delabonte's struggle against anything that DARES to go one millimeter off of topic." Rated R for Extreme Dramedy. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 05:55, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*If I may ask, what did I do to get the userbox? Is it just for being autistic or have you got an actual reason? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 08:41, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**No you may not ask. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 09:10, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
***What the fuck is your problem? I haven't done shit to Jenkins and I haven't gotten involved in PVCC's plans. This is just being a dick for the sake of being a dick. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 10:00, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
****Edward, you're on the CWCki. Everyone is a dick. Everyone. Especially the mods. It seems to be part of the package. And Delabonte, while I know this is the CWCki, it isn't outside the realms of reasonable expectations to know why you've gotten into some shit. Although honestly, I'm half expecting to get the template for trying to be the voice of reason now... [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 10:54, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*****Probably. As far as I know I haven't done anything other than saying I don't like PVCC. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 11:05, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

== Harassing other users ==

Dude, I've been reading a lot of complaints about you harassing other users and I do see it. Yes, some people here are fuckwits. Like I said, there's plenty of fuckwits on any wiki. But please, try and be a tad more tactful. Instead of calling people a fucking moron and telling them they're under watch, just be more tactful and point out how they're wrong or they should think about what they said and how wrong it sounds. I need people to edit this wiki without fear of reprisal from some source, as we're not exactly in a position to turn people away. If they're doing really stupid stuff, feel free to tell me and I can handle it in a way that everyone wins.

You've contributed a lot to the CWCki, Delabonte and I really don't want to have to ban you for your behavior. I know that Cogs likes the way that you act but I'm starting not to. If you'd like to discuss this further, you're welcome to contact me on AIM or we can get in IRC.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:15, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris n Weed ==
Why did you delete my section on weed? Its not speculative shit that he believes that weed is a stronger version of cigarettes, just look Inos,Sean, and his convos with clyde.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:23, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
:Chris and Money <--- Chris actually uses money... poorly. Chris and English <--- Chris uses the English language... poorly. Chris and Sex <--- Chris is on an active hunt for sexual intercourse... also poorly. See what I'm getting at here? A few references do not a topic make. Christ... this "Chris and..." thing is getting out of hand. Next we'll have "Chris and possible references to secondary Star Wars characters." --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 23:47, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
:What Fuckinstupid said. Also, just because you have an interest in an illegal activity and Chris has mentioned once or twice it in the past doesn't entitle it to a section either. Until Chris starts smoking pot (never) or he goes on a tirade about marijuana (without it being brought up by someone else, which it almost always has in the past) it doesn't get a section. It's asking Chris "Hey Chris, what do you think of Alfa Romeos?" and then starting an Alfa Romeo section. It just doesn't belong.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:58, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
Except that he has alluded to marijuana multiple times, look at Inos, offering Sonichu a hit from his "dige" apparently what chris thinks is a slang term for a joint. Sean, who showed up to court baked as fuck, ordering "pot stickers". Need i add moar?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:09, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
:That's like three very minor occurrences, not nearly enough to create an article about it. If we create an article on Chris and Marijuana we may as well make one on Chris and Elephants. --[[User:ThatMan|ThatMan]] 04:24, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

i never said a page. I said i made a section of the tobacky page, because chris believes it contains nicotine.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:41, 27 July 2010 (UTC)

==Curses==
Uhhh... why? --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 07:45, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
*It was a joke. I know humour isn't a strong point with you Eastern Europeans. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 08:00, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Sorry, sometimes it's hard to tell if you are being funny or a secretive badass. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 09:04, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

User talk:Delabonte

2010-07-27T20:40:51Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris n Weed */

At least you get the joke. YOUR AN HERO TO ME, DELABONTE! --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:34, 2 May 2009 (CEST)

Oh lol, my bad. Was in grammar nazi mode, fixing typos. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 16:10, 2 May 2009 (CEST)

==Congratulations!==

You were mentioned in the [[Rollin' and Trollin'|new video]]. Nice. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:48, 17 July 2009 (CEST)

*Thanks. This calls for a box to go on my userpage. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:59, 18 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Oh Lord, I just your pro tip on your user page and I LOL'd. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:33, 9 September 2009 (CEST)

==Lovely Weather==
"Sex under false pretence IS statutory rape. Also saying Chris raped his future wife is funnier."

I'm not going to sit here and have an edit war with you, but I believe you are mistaken, Mr. ex-Minister. I can find ''no'' evidence of sex under false pretense being considered rape of any kind. It certainly is sexual assault, but I can't find any legitimate site that claims it to be rape (aside from random postings of failtowns on forums). Unless you can provide some evidence, I'd say that you're simply wrong about that.

On top of that, you're right in saying that it's "funnier" to say that he raped her, but that's not the point. We're supposed to document what actually happened/was implied. We don't need to make up things to make Chris look like more of a douche; he does that for us enough as it is. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 04:15, 11 December 2009 (CET)
*You're... You're kidding, right? If she doesn't know who he is, and thinks he is someone else, she cannot give consent. Sex without consent is rape. You're pretty gross for arguing that's not what happened, because it totally is. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 04:26, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*She ''thinks'' she knows who he is, though. He deceived her and got her to willingly consent to sex with him. That's not ''rape''. It's sexual assault. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 04:30, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*Every weekend, I'm over at a singles' bar in the area. I always lie out of my ass just to get laid. One week I'm an airplane pilot, the other I'm a venture capitalist, one day I was even a comic book artist. And now you're telling me I'm a rapist? --[[User:Lynxr|Lynxr]] 04:46, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::*Of course she ''thinks'' she does; that's part of the deception. Look, if I dress up like Jimmy Hill and go over to your house and you go "Oh God, Jimmy Hill!" then tear off my clothes and go down on me (cause u gay like that), then I rip off my mask after jizzing on your face and go "Surprise! I'm really Internet Comedian SonichuIs44!" I've raped you. You consented to sex with Jimmy Hill, not with me. Even if I never reveal I'm not Jimmy Hill, I've raped you; you never consented to sex with me. You could at least try arguing it's not rape based on the fact that she's having sex with Chris either way. And pray tell what is the difference between rape and sexual assault?
:::Lynxr, you're not telling them that you're someone else though; if you convinced them you're really Tom Hanks, but you're not (I'll assume you're not), you've deceived them. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 04:48, 11 December 2009 (CET)

:::"It certainly is sexual assault" - what do you think rape is? Time-travel sexual assault laws have yet to be tested, but from where I stand if you have sex with someone knowingly under false pretense, then it's not fully consensual. Also, this is the CWCki not the supreme court. And saying Chris travelled through time to rape his future wife is still funnier. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:53, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::*You both have a interesting definitions of consent. What you're saying is that it isn't consent unless she knows the full truth. That's... horribly illogical and simply untrue. Now, specifically for Sonichuis44, the difference between rape and sexual assault is that rape is entirely forced and without consent (or in some cases of statutory rape, simply consensual sex with a minor). Chris ''has consent'' in this case, whether you want to admit that or not. She willingly did it with him, and not under threats or force (unless there's something he's not telling us about this fictional story that he, himself, made up in the first place). It's as simple as that. Maybe what he did violated her, maybe she really wouldn't care all that much if she knew the truth, but it doesn't really matter, but it seems pretty obvious that she agreed to it. Back to the point, though, rape is a ''subset'' of sexual assault. Sexual assault involves undesired sexual contact, but it might not involve intercourse in any way (such as sexual touching), or, even if it does... well... that's relative to who's making the rules in whatever jurisdiction. Some things that are generally considered sexual assault in most places are mitigated to full-blown rape status in other places and vice versa. I don't really care to get too into that, but the fact of the matter is that he had her consent, and that's what's relevant here. However, I'm done arguing about this fictional story. Further arguing about a sexual encounter that never happened, nor ever could (as time-travel like that is, from a logical standpoint, absolutely impossible), seems ridiculous. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 05:17, 11 December 2009 (CET)

*Don't bring logic into this. Also, Chris agrees with you: "You are misunderstood, it was not rape; She mistook me for my future self, and She Asked Me to have sex with her.". This means you are wrong. Good day sir. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:31, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*We may have had a tense discussion, and you may well have been a piss-poor Minister of Defense, but... I've decided that I like you, Seinor Delabonte. Your lulziness rating qualifies you for the much-coveted Badge of Lulziness and All-Around Goodness, which you may apply for by filling out the form that will be mailed to you shortly. Please allow blah blah blah blah. Good day. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 06:54, 11 December 2009 (CET)

== Temporary ban ==

Dude, Cody is a newfag but he's trying his best from what I've seen thus far. I don't give a fuck of he's a juggalo elsewhere and as I told BlueSpike, I'm not banning him from CWCki unless he starts shit here. As I said [[User_talk:Wwwwolf#Question|here]], I will not ban a user unless they do shit on the CWCki like harass users, vandalism, etc.

Delabonte, I am disappoint, son. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:53, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

*I apologise. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 13:52, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

== PRO TIP ==

With the welcome template, you have to manually enter your user name so if a new user wanted to ask you a question, there would be a direct link, so it'd look like <nowiki>{{welcome|Delabonte}}</nowiki> and it would provide a link to your talk page where they can ask you a question. Yeah, it's lame but I'm not sure if the process can be automated or anything. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:58, 28 January 2010 (UTC)

== I love you ==

For your "Not a forum" template. You've made me proud.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== User Pages ==

I don't know who you are you what you are, and I don't really care - but don't edit userpages of others. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:15, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

I should have known. You are a PVCC member and a member of the old guard. A newfag like me has no chance. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 01:47, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*You keep repeating this like it's going to make me respect you but continuing with your Autistic actions. Don't shit on my cupcake and tell me it's icing. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:07, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*Hi 16BitAlex. I was informed I'm not allowed to call you a fag on your talk page. So, hi. Fag. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 04:39, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
:*HEY GUISE, I MADE A VIDEO THAT WARDS OFF FAGGOTS...

{{#ev:youtube|T0HpSVvGOnQ}}

::LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKS. ALSO, 16BITALEX TOLD ME HE COVERED HIS DICK IN APPLESAUCE AND LIKED IT. THEN HE ERASED IT TO HIDE THAT FACT. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 07:18, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

*This is good and you should feel good. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:57, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

==Messages to Alex==

Why did you eat your homework? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:57, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

:It tasted better than apples.
:
:And, I cannot accept. To me, eating apples is equivalent to dressing in women's garments, and unlike Chris, I do not have a desire to be a woman (see Crystal the twin sister). --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 14:42, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

:BTW, I approve of my quote on your user page, unlike that last one. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 16:33, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

1) I have no desire for your approval.
2) We're not singling you out here. All PVCC members have to undergo a test of loyalty. This is yours. If you are too cowardly to complete it please refrain from bitching about the PVCC being a closed community, and remember that you had your chance. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 01:50, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:(since Gary was a loser and Ash was here last time) This was against my personal beliefs. Almost anything that didn't involve eating or drinking a vile "healthy" substance, I might have done. And then you have the nerve to spit in my face after you gave me a task I could and would not complete. I AM NOT A COWARD. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 03:02, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

Do you understand the sacrifices people have made to join the PVCC? Trolling Chris at this level requires nerves of steel. It requires somebody willing to face their worst fear. As you yourself have said, you cannot eat an apple. '''You are a coward''' and I was wrong to ever think you were one of us. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:44, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:What Delabonte said. I have seen trolls go to the highest highs and the lowest lows to achieve lulz. And you? You won't even eat a fucking fruit. '''That shows you are completely and totally spineless.''' Getting into the PVCC usually involves proving that you are not a faggot. You haven't. What the hell makes you think you would last 5 minutes in there? We're not spitting in your face, you are spitting in ours. Basically, you want to sit around with your thumb up your ass and be worthless yet still hang out with people who do more than play Rock Band all day. '''Go back to your plastic instruments you sniveling, chicken-shit, coward.''' --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 10:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::My 360's dead, remember? No more Rock Band for me. I literally have nothing. I can't get a job because I haven't worked a day in my life, and no one will hire a rookie. And who said I wanted to post there? I'd just lurk moar there. Better than lurking in /cwc/. What are these highest highs and lowest lows? I am pretty sure fruit is not one of them. I will not stop until I am in. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 16:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Heh, I'm watching this unfold and I'd just like to comment that I love how you are acting just like Chris. You apparently won't be useless because your shitty game broke. Because your game broke, you have nothing, which is like Chris except his games haven't broken yet (yet he has equally little in real life). You expect people to pity you because you've never contributed to society. You have a sense of entitlement that you think earns you the right to walk through a locked door and just sit on the inside. People get into PVCC because they want to not be useless pieces of shit all day. Lurking is not what they do. God damn. Fuck a fruit basket. (inb4 not a forum/trolling, I have a need to speak my mind that borders on faggotry, I know, but it isn't trolling.) :3 [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:10, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::"Not a forum" is for article talk pages. If only society gave me a chance to contribute. Society gave Chris a chance. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 17:14, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Jesus Christ, you really are a '''sniveling coward'''. More than I even imagined. There's a hole in your story. It says right on your user page <blockquote>"...but I wish I could contribute to the troll efforts.."</blockquote> and now you tell us you just want to sit on the sidelines. I know why there's a change to your tune. '''You're afraid'''. As for highs and lows, it seems you are also an illiterate dipshit. Do you think field agents want to be around Chris? Do you think that people walk around in pickle suits in public for fun? Some of the trolls have suffered severe embarrassment and just plain disgusting situations. You can't even eat an apple so you can "lurk moar" on a fucking forum. That is the '''epitome of cowardice'''. No wonder you have a pathetic life. You are too scared to do anything except '''nothing'''. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 17:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:::::Alex. Listen man, I don't support Delabonte by any means. If I were in your position, then i'd be pissed off too. But speaking as an onlooker of this argument you have gotten yourself into: If Chris has taught us anything then it's to not feed the trolls. With that in mind, stop talking. Stop talking right now, move to a new account to escape the trolling, and spend the rest of your online days lurking quietly and not getting involved in PVCC related arguments. Seriously, you don't wanna fight these guys. You will lose. Remember who owns this site. I'm just sayin' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:23, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::If I had any logical place to QFT, be damn sure that I would. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:33, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::Any place to what now? Sorry, i'm not up on my internet speak lately. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:36, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::::Eh, sorry. Quote for truth. Common on forums when someone agrees with another to such an extent that they can't think of a way to put it better themselves. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:38, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::::Oh. Thank you. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:39, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I go for all or nothing. In this case, I've got "very little" - no job, a bad reputation here, but at least the knowledge of Chris. "All" would be being a respected member of the PVCC. "Nothing" would be a life ruined by being trolled.

As I hold out, am I not demonstrating my nerves of steel? --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 17:43, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Knowledge of Chris is easily accessible and so not worth two shits. You're still trying for pity, which is only going to be met with "Fuck you" round these parts. Let me be the first. Fuck you. Also, at this rate, even if you skip this account and start fresh, your petty attitude and general lack of merit means you can never be respected by PVCC. Lern2internet, then come back in a few months once you get your shit sorted out. Final point: "nerves of steel" got a laugh out of me. You're putting up with a few people on the internet. That isn't hard. You won't even eat a fruit for fuck's sake. Drop the "nerves of steel" shit and start trying to find something you actually DO have. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:51, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::You heard me the first time when I said I have nothing. The rotten school system taught me nothing. The more I put up with this, the more I sympathize with Chris. In fact, I might have to find a former friend of mine to Ian Brandon Anderson and take his identity just so I have something. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 18:41, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Alex. Your doing it wrong. This is not the best course of action. I tried saying it nicely and tried to give you some good advice. Let me now try putting it another way:

:::Being a whiney bitch does not get you respect. Shut the fuck up before you dig yourself in any deeper. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:07, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Holding out gives you "nerves of steel"? That's hilarious. You are too scared to eat a fruit. '''Coward'''. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 21:23, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

What can I do, after shutting up and admitting defeat? I can't exactly get a life yet, since as I said, I'm unhireable, and I have two more dreadful years of school left. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 21:46, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Oh no! You have to go to school! What kind of dirty trolls made you do that?! It's good to see that you're blaming them for the problems in your life, [[100_2178.MOV|just like Chris]]. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:07, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::I'm not blaming the trolls for making me go to school. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 22:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::: Oh, don't be such a slow-in-the-mind. In a phrase with two potential subjects, the thing smart people do is choose the one that makes sense. Might be a bit of a stretch, when one factors in the fact you have a fear of FRUIT, but still, I expected more. 0/10 try harder. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:27, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

seriously, you have shown 0 reasons why you deserve a pvcc account. ZERO. you're never getting an account. ever. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 22:22, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

SHUT UP ALEX! JESUS CHRIST! Alex, I had more sympathy for you when you were just being trolled for being a dumbass. Stop being such a self absorbed little bitch and GTFO! Take my advice and just adopt a new name. I don't give a shit about how horrible your real life is! No-one does! This is the internet! You can sort out any real life shit on you own time. Here though, you actually have a chance to save your reputation by starting a new identity and just never letting anyone know who you are. Your certainly not ever getting respected this way, and Clyde just told you that you have 0 chance of getting into PVCC now. So leave! DO IT FAGGOT! --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:31, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

Having been dox'd, they'd probably remember my IP address. I will never be able to escape this identity. It's too late for me to turn back. It is my life mission to get into the PVCC and become a respected member.

I don't care if I never get china, I don't care if I have to live on the monthly tugboat.

I'm probably irredeemable at this point. It would take a sex change for me to be able to in good conscience eat that apple. You've pushed me to the point where I start bleeding Honest Content. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 22:45, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

OH DEAR LORD!!!!! Now I know what the White Knights go through when they first realise that Chris can't be helped. This is it! This torturous feeling I get trying to get through to you! A feeling of my very soul being chained down and laughed at as I try to fight against an unmoving brick wall! It's the most horrific thing I have ever felt! '''WHAT ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!''' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:52, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Having trolled people quite a lot (it's what motivated me to come here, and I still do it regularly) I can tell you that this is about at the stage where he has the "brilliant" and "original" idea where he is backed into a corner so he pretends he was actually trolling us the whole time. He's using Chris terminology to try to lighten the mood. Troll victory GET... Except this time this isn't trolling. Oh, and he's planning to deny this comment. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Oh, and check his page. He's an emo now too. Figures. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:59, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

What am I? Possibly the next Chris. After all, the same dysfunctional school system, Chesterfield County Public Schools, produced the both of us. Anyone who went to school there and turned out normal probably had some kind of deity, good or evil, on their side to give them the brainpower and willpower. I, unfortunately, am an atheist, giving me no resistance against the defective education.

I have seen my purpose, and it is to be a lolcow. Trolls, move your home base from Charlottesville to Richmond. It's the lolcow capital of the world now.

Had you not launched the attack on RuleCWC, this would have never happened. But, had you seen through me when I listed my similarities to Chris on the original version of my user page, you would have found that out sooner. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:09, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:Would you please just shut up and start slitting your wrists already? I've already given you some very good advice. And don't give me that shit about IP tracking. People have beter things to do than hunt you down. Just get a different account and don't start any more shit and your safe. Why is this so hard to comprehend? This would be over already if you didn't keep whining about it. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:13, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:If I had to choose between a stereotypical emo useless piece of shit and this guy, the stereotypical emo would win. That places 16Bit on par with furries on my Scale of Respect. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:15, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Funny you should say that. I am a former furry. To be more precise, I was along the lines of Alix Henroil, only with Sally instead of Sonic as the target of my affections. Emphasis on former. Even I don't like furries anymore. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Wow, there really ISN'T anything good about you. Why the fuck is an emo furfag on a troll site to begin with? [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:27, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Emo/former furfag, thank you. I ditched the latter to become the former. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:32, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::Once a fag, always a fag. You cannot grow out of a sickness. Both are attention whore wastes of space, so I always figured it was more of a package deal. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:39, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I'm going to pop over to /cwc/ for a moment to consult the anons about the best COA. Hold down the fort here for me, would you? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:28, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Can do. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:31, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Waiting for a response now. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:45, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I got some replies. [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/48074.html See here] --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:04, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
:Eh, they have a point. I guess we could just wait until he bawwws and then get someone to deliver the b&hammer. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 00:14, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

::I suppose, but as I said in the thread, I don't think you can be banned just for being a whiney emo furfag attention whore. Unless we have any rouge Jerkops out there who might be willing to help? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:19, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Remember, I was a decent editor until I cracked. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 00:22, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
*Looking over your edits, you were a shit editor. This makes sense since you don't have access to the PVCC to learn all of the current troll goings on. Oh well, given what a huge coward you are, and that you will never join PVCC as a result, I guess you will always be a shit editor.[[User:Raticus|Raticus]] 20:12, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Shut up. You have lost your right to free speech. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:24, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Alright then. Anon have spoken. They say to just ban the fucker. I doubt I can get him banned, but it's worth a shot. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:38, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

I've asked Clyde to get rid of him. Awaiting response once more. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 01:06, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Listen, I got to go to sleep now. It's about 3AM where I am right now, and i'm getting tired. I'll be back in about 9 hours for further insulting of Alex or celebrations, depending on whether or not he is banned by then. 'Night --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 01:13, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

With regard to his new shit: So basically you're saying that men who eat fruit turn into women...? Well, that certainly explains the rampant epidemic of trannies the world has been so worked up about... wait...
Also, asians aren't necessarily incest, so I dunno what the fuck that's about. You never even finished that sentence. Apple products you count as exceptions because it's convenient. It just shows how lazy you are that you can't even follow your own rules. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:32, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
*Copy-paste that onto his talk page. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:54, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
**Crap wording. Reworded on my user page. Fruit doesn't make all men fruits, it's only me who suffers this irrational belief. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 20:39, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
***I am literally crying right now at the thought you could still be alive with how fucked up you are. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:53, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

I feel the same way about you Edward. Stop famewhoring on my page. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:10, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:If anyone's "famewhoring", it's you, Delabonte. You made this section so you could rant at a user for attention. If other people join in, then yeah, they get attention out of it, too. However, this is still your attention whoring plan, not his. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 16:15, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

Is there anyone on this bloody CWCki these days not afflicted with Autism? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:24, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:Most users actually. Believe me, i'm a minority here. I don't see what your problem is with autistics though. Autism is not an instant retard formula, despite what Chris would lead you to believe. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:44, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

All you guys are fucking pathetic. So long, faggots
:Sign your posts, god damn. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:35, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:That. Also, good riddance. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 00:19, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
::All in all I think things are turning out rather well today. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:55, 28 June 2010 (UTC)

== 'Fuckwit Alert' ==

If I may ask what the hell this is all about; is this about posting on Jenkins talk page? Really, I didn't do anything. Champ's specific instructions were "do not fuck with this user", not "absolutely no communication whatsoever." All I did was point him to the userbox list. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:24, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*His instructions were clear. Stay away from that page. Do not get in the way. Also, multiple userboxes that have nothing to do with Chris or the CWCki are for Autistics and faggots. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:27, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**If that's true, then why make one? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:28, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
Because it's a language you morons understand. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:30, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*While he should have been able to infer Champ's meaning, shouldn't you have just given him a warning, since, you know, people sometimes interpret meanings with even the slightest degree of vagueness differently than intended? [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 10:54, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*Coming soon- "Corporate Watchdog: The story of one Delabonte's struggle against anything that DARES to go one millimeter off of topic." Rated R for Extreme Dramedy. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 05:55, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*If I may ask, what did I do to get the userbox? Is it just for being autistic or have you got an actual reason? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 08:41, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**No you may not ask. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 09:10, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
***What the fuck is your problem? I haven't done shit to Jenkins and I haven't gotten involved in PVCC's plans. This is just being a dick for the sake of being a dick. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 10:00, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
****Edward, you're on the CWCki. Everyone is a dick. Everyone. Especially the mods. It seems to be part of the package. And Delabonte, while I know this is the CWCki, it isn't outside the realms of reasonable expectations to know why you've gotten into some shit. Although honestly, I'm half expecting to get the template for trying to be the voice of reason now... [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 10:54, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*****Probably. As far as I know I haven't done anything other than saying I don't like PVCC. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 11:05, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

== Harassing other users ==

Dude, I've been reading a lot of complaints about you harassing other users and I do see it. Yes, some people here are fuckwits. Like I said, there's plenty of fuckwits on any wiki. But please, try and be a tad more tactful. Instead of calling people a fucking moron and telling them they're under watch, just be more tactful and point out how they're wrong or they should think about what they said and how wrong it sounds. I need people to edit this wiki without fear of reprisal from some source, as we're not exactly in a position to turn people away. If they're doing really stupid stuff, feel free to tell me and I can handle it in a way that everyone wins.

You've contributed a lot to the CWCki, Delabonte and I really don't want to have to ban you for your behavior. I know that Cogs likes the way that you act but I'm starting not to. If you'd like to discuss this further, you're welcome to contact me on AIM or we can get in IRC.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:15, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris n Weed ==
Why did you delete my section on weed? Its not speculative shit that he believes that weed is a stronger version of cigarettes, just look Inos,Sean, and his convos with clyde.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:23, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
:Chris and Money <--- Chris actually uses money... poorly. Chris and English <--- Chris uses the English language... poorly. Chris and Sex <--- Chris is on an active hunt for sexual intercourse... also poorly. See what I'm getting at here? A few references do not a topic make. Christ... this "Chris and..." thing is getting out of hand. Next we'll have "Chris and possible references to secondary Star Wars characters." --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 23:47, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
:What Fuckinstupid said. Also, just because you have an interest in an illegal activity and Chris has mentioned once or twice it in the past doesn't entitle it to a section either. Until Chris starts smoking pot (never) or he goes on a tirade about marijuana (without it being brought up by someone else, which it almost always has in the past) it doesn't get a section. It's asking Chris "Hey Chris, what do you think of Alfa Romeos?" and then starting an Alfa Romeo section. It just doesn't belong.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:58, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
Except that he has alluded to marijuana multiple times, look at Inos, offering Sonichu a hit from his "dige" apparently what chris thinks is a slang term for a joint. Sean, who showed up to court baked as fuck, ordering "pot stickers". Need i add moar?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:09, 25 July 2010 (UTC)
:That's like three very minor occurrences, not nearly enough to create an article about it. If we create an article on Chris and Marijuana we may as well make one on Chris and Elephants. --[[User:ThatMan|ThatMan]] 04:24, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

i never said a page. I said i made a section of the tobacky page, because chris believes it contains nicotine.

==Curses==
Uhhh... why? --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 07:45, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
*It was a joke. I know humour isn't a strong point with you Eastern Europeans. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 08:00, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Sorry, sometimes it's hard to tell if you are being funny or a secretive badass. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 09:04, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

User talk:Delabonte

2010-07-25T03:09:20Z

Dan Dash: /* Chris n Weed */

At least you get the joke. YOUR AN HERO TO ME, DELABONTE! --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:34, 2 May 2009 (CEST)

Oh lol, my bad. Was in grammar nazi mode, fixing typos. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 16:10, 2 May 2009 (CEST)

==Congratulations!==

You were mentioned in the [[Rollin' and Trollin'|new video]]. Nice. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:48, 17 July 2009 (CEST)

*Thanks. This calls for a box to go on my userpage. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:59, 18 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Oh Lord, I just your pro tip on your user page and I LOL'd. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:33, 9 September 2009 (CEST)

==Lovely Weather==
"Sex under false pretence IS statutory rape. Also saying Chris raped his future wife is funnier."

I'm not going to sit here and have an edit war with you, but I believe you are mistaken, Mr. ex-Minister. I can find ''no'' evidence of sex under false pretense being considered rape of any kind. It certainly is sexual assault, but I can't find any legitimate site that claims it to be rape (aside from random postings of failtowns on forums). Unless you can provide some evidence, I'd say that you're simply wrong about that.

On top of that, you're right in saying that it's "funnier" to say that he raped her, but that's not the point. We're supposed to document what actually happened/was implied. We don't need to make up things to make Chris look like more of a douche; he does that for us enough as it is. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 04:15, 11 December 2009 (CET)
*You're... You're kidding, right? If she doesn't know who he is, and thinks he is someone else, she cannot give consent. Sex without consent is rape. You're pretty gross for arguing that's not what happened, because it totally is. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 04:26, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*She ''thinks'' she knows who he is, though. He deceived her and got her to willingly consent to sex with him. That's not ''rape''. It's sexual assault. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 04:30, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*Every weekend, I'm over at a singles' bar in the area. I always lie out of my ass just to get laid. One week I'm an airplane pilot, the other I'm a venture capitalist, one day I was even a comic book artist. And now you're telling me I'm a rapist? --[[User:Lynxr|Lynxr]] 04:46, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::*Of course she ''thinks'' she does; that's part of the deception. Look, if I dress up like Jimmy Hill and go over to your house and you go "Oh God, Jimmy Hill!" then tear off my clothes and go down on me (cause u gay like that), then I rip off my mask after jizzing on your face and go "Surprise! I'm really Internet Comedian SonichuIs44!" I've raped you. You consented to sex with Jimmy Hill, not with me. Even if I never reveal I'm not Jimmy Hill, I've raped you; you never consented to sex with me. You could at least try arguing it's not rape based on the fact that she's having sex with Chris either way. And pray tell what is the difference between rape and sexual assault?
:::Lynxr, you're not telling them that you're someone else though; if you convinced them you're really Tom Hanks, but you're not (I'll assume you're not), you've deceived them. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 04:48, 11 December 2009 (CET)

:::"It certainly is sexual assault" - what do you think rape is? Time-travel sexual assault laws have yet to be tested, but from where I stand if you have sex with someone knowingly under false pretense, then it's not fully consensual. Also, this is the CWCki not the supreme court. And saying Chris travelled through time to rape his future wife is still funnier. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:53, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::*You both have a interesting definitions of consent. What you're saying is that it isn't consent unless she knows the full truth. That's... horribly illogical and simply untrue. Now, specifically for Sonichuis44, the difference between rape and sexual assault is that rape is entirely forced and without consent (or in some cases of statutory rape, simply consensual sex with a minor). Chris ''has consent'' in this case, whether you want to admit that or not. She willingly did it with him, and not under threats or force (unless there's something he's not telling us about this fictional story that he, himself, made up in the first place). It's as simple as that. Maybe what he did violated her, maybe she really wouldn't care all that much if she knew the truth, but it doesn't really matter, but it seems pretty obvious that she agreed to it. Back to the point, though, rape is a ''subset'' of sexual assault. Sexual assault involves undesired sexual contact, but it might not involve intercourse in any way (such as sexual touching), or, even if it does... well... that's relative to who's making the rules in whatever jurisdiction. Some things that are generally considered sexual assault in most places are mitigated to full-blown rape status in other places and vice versa. I don't really care to get too into that, but the fact of the matter is that he had her consent, and that's what's relevant here. However, I'm done arguing about this fictional story. Further arguing about a sexual encounter that never happened, nor ever could (as time-travel like that is, from a logical standpoint, absolutely impossible), seems ridiculous. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 05:17, 11 December 2009 (CET)

*Don't bring logic into this. Also, Chris agrees with you: "You are misunderstood, it was not rape; She mistook me for my future self, and She Asked Me to have sex with her.". This means you are wrong. Good day sir. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:31, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:*We may have had a tense discussion, and you may well have been a piss-poor Minister of Defense, but... I've decided that I like you, Seinor Delabonte. Your lulziness rating qualifies you for the much-coveted Badge of Lulziness and All-Around Goodness, which you may apply for by filling out the form that will be mailed to you shortly. Please allow blah blah blah blah. Good day. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 06:54, 11 December 2009 (CET)

== Temporary ban ==

Dude, Cody is a newfag but he's trying his best from what I've seen thus far. I don't give a fuck of he's a juggalo elsewhere and as I told BlueSpike, I'm not banning him from CWCki unless he starts shit here. As I said [[User_talk:Wwwwolf#Question|here]], I will not ban a user unless they do shit on the CWCki like harass users, vandalism, etc.

Delabonte, I am disappoint, son. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:53, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

*I apologise. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 13:52, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

== PRO TIP ==

With the welcome template, you have to manually enter your user name so if a new user wanted to ask you a question, there would be a direct link, so it'd look like <nowiki>{{welcome|Delabonte}}</nowiki> and it would provide a link to your talk page where they can ask you a question. Yeah, it's lame but I'm not sure if the process can be automated or anything. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:58, 28 January 2010 (UTC)

== I love you ==

For your "Not a forum" template. You've made me proud.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== User Pages ==

I don't know who you are you what you are, and I don't really care - but don't edit userpages of others. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:15, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

I should have known. You are a PVCC member and a member of the old guard. A newfag like me has no chance. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 01:47, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*You keep repeating this like it's going to make me respect you but continuing with your Autistic actions. Don't shit on my cupcake and tell me it's icing. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:07, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
*Hi 16BitAlex. I was informed I'm not allowed to call you a fag on your talk page. So, hi. Fag. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 04:39, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
:*HEY GUISE, I MADE A VIDEO THAT WARDS OFF FAGGOTS...

{{#ev:youtube|T0HpSVvGOnQ}}

::LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKS. ALSO, 16BITALEX TOLD ME HE COVERED HIS DICK IN APPLESAUCE AND LIKED IT. THEN HE ERASED IT TO HIDE THAT FACT. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 07:18, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

*This is good and you should feel good. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:57, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

==Messages to Alex==

Why did you eat your homework? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:57, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

:It tasted better than apples.
:
:And, I cannot accept. To me, eating apples is equivalent to dressing in women's garments, and unlike Chris, I do not have a desire to be a woman (see Crystal the twin sister). --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 14:42, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

:BTW, I approve of my quote on your user page, unlike that last one. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 16:33, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

1) I have no desire for your approval.
2) We're not singling you out here. All PVCC members have to undergo a test of loyalty. This is yours. If you are too cowardly to complete it please refrain from bitching about the PVCC being a closed community, and remember that you had your chance. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 01:50, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:(since Gary was a loser and Ash was here last time) This was against my personal beliefs. Almost anything that didn't involve eating or drinking a vile "healthy" substance, I might have done. And then you have the nerve to spit in my face after you gave me a task I could and would not complete. I AM NOT A COWARD. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 03:02, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

Do you understand the sacrifices people have made to join the PVCC? Trolling Chris at this level requires nerves of steel. It requires somebody willing to face their worst fear. As you yourself have said, you cannot eat an apple. '''You are a coward''' and I was wrong to ever think you were one of us. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 07:44, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:What Delabonte said. I have seen trolls go to the highest highs and the lowest lows to achieve lulz. And you? You won't even eat a fucking fruit. '''That shows you are completely and totally spineless.''' Getting into the PVCC usually involves proving that you are not a faggot. You haven't. What the hell makes you think you would last 5 minutes in there? We're not spitting in your face, you are spitting in ours. Basically, you want to sit around with your thumb up your ass and be worthless yet still hang out with people who do more than play Rock Band all day. '''Go back to your plastic instruments you sniveling, chicken-shit, coward.''' --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 10:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::My 360's dead, remember? No more Rock Band for me. I literally have nothing. I can't get a job because I haven't worked a day in my life, and no one will hire a rookie. And who said I wanted to post there? I'd just lurk moar there. Better than lurking in /cwc/. What are these highest highs and lowest lows? I am pretty sure fruit is not one of them. I will not stop until I am in. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 16:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Heh, I'm watching this unfold and I'd just like to comment that I love how you are acting just like Chris. You apparently won't be useless because your shitty game broke. Because your game broke, you have nothing, which is like Chris except his games haven't broken yet (yet he has equally little in real life). You expect people to pity you because you've never contributed to society. You have a sense of entitlement that you think earns you the right to walk through a locked door and just sit on the inside. People get into PVCC because they want to not be useless pieces of shit all day. Lurking is not what they do. God damn. Fuck a fruit basket. (inb4 not a forum/trolling, I have a need to speak my mind that borders on faggotry, I know, but it isn't trolling.) :3 [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:10, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::"Not a forum" is for article talk pages. If only society gave me a chance to contribute. Society gave Chris a chance. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 17:14, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Jesus Christ, you really are a '''sniveling coward'''. More than I even imagined. There's a hole in your story. It says right on your user page <blockquote>"...but I wish I could contribute to the troll efforts.."</blockquote> and now you tell us you just want to sit on the sidelines. I know why there's a change to your tune. '''You're afraid'''. As for highs and lows, it seems you are also an illiterate dipshit. Do you think field agents want to be around Chris? Do you think that people walk around in pickle suits in public for fun? Some of the trolls have suffered severe embarrassment and just plain disgusting situations. You can't even eat an apple so you can "lurk moar" on a fucking forum. That is the '''epitome of cowardice'''. No wonder you have a pathetic life. You are too scared to do anything except '''nothing'''. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 17:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:::::Alex. Listen man, I don't support Delabonte by any means. If I were in your position, then i'd be pissed off too. But speaking as an onlooker of this argument you have gotten yourself into: If Chris has taught us anything then it's to not feed the trolls. With that in mind, stop talking. Stop talking right now, move to a new account to escape the trolling, and spend the rest of your online days lurking quietly and not getting involved in PVCC related arguments. Seriously, you don't wanna fight these guys. You will lose. Remember who owns this site. I'm just sayin' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:23, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::If I had any logical place to QFT, be damn sure that I would. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:33, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::Any place to what now? Sorry, i'm not up on my internet speak lately. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:36, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::::::Eh, sorry. Quote for truth. Common on forums when someone agrees with another to such an extent that they can't think of a way to put it better themselves. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:38, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::::::Oh. Thank you. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:39, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I go for all or nothing. In this case, I've got "very little" - no job, a bad reputation here, but at least the knowledge of Chris. "All" would be being a respected member of the PVCC. "Nothing" would be a life ruined by being trolled.

As I hold out, am I not demonstrating my nerves of steel? --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 17:43, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Knowledge of Chris is easily accessible and so not worth two shits. You're still trying for pity, which is only going to be met with "Fuck you" round these parts. Let me be the first. Fuck you. Also, at this rate, even if you skip this account and start fresh, your petty attitude and general lack of merit means you can never be respected by PVCC. Lern2internet, then come back in a few months once you get your shit sorted out. Final point: "nerves of steel" got a laugh out of me. You're putting up with a few people on the internet. That isn't hard. You won't even eat a fruit for fuck's sake. Drop the "nerves of steel" shit and start trying to find something you actually DO have. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:51, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::You heard me the first time when I said I have nothing. The rotten school system taught me nothing. The more I put up with this, the more I sympathize with Chris. In fact, I might have to find a former friend of mine to Ian Brandon Anderson and take his identity just so I have something. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 18:41, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Alex. Your doing it wrong. This is not the best course of action. I tried saying it nicely and tried to give you some good advice. Let me now try putting it another way:

:::Being a whiney bitch does not get you respect. Shut the fuck up before you dig yourself in any deeper. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:07, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Holding out gives you "nerves of steel"? That's hilarious. You are too scared to eat a fruit. '''Coward'''. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 21:23, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

What can I do, after shutting up and admitting defeat? I can't exactly get a life yet, since as I said, I'm unhireable, and I have two more dreadful years of school left. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 21:46, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Oh no! You have to go to school! What kind of dirty trolls made you do that?! It's good to see that you're blaming them for the problems in your life, [[100_2178.MOV|just like Chris]]. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:07, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::I'm not blaming the trolls for making me go to school. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 22:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::: Oh, don't be such a slow-in-the-mind. In a phrase with two potential subjects, the thing smart people do is choose the one that makes sense. Might be a bit of a stretch, when one factors in the fact you have a fear of FRUIT, but still, I expected more. 0/10 try harder. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:27, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

seriously, you have shown 0 reasons why you deserve a pvcc account. ZERO. you're never getting an account. ever. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 22:22, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

SHUT UP ALEX! JESUS CHRIST! Alex, I had more sympathy for you when you were just being trolled for being a dumbass. Stop being such a self absorbed little bitch and GTFO! Take my advice and just adopt a new name. I don't give a shit about how horrible your real life is! No-one does! This is the internet! You can sort out any real life shit on you own time. Here though, you actually have a chance to save your reputation by starting a new identity and just never letting anyone know who you are. Your certainly not ever getting respected this way, and Clyde just told you that you have 0 chance of getting into PVCC now. So leave! DO IT FAGGOT! --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:31, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

Having been dox'd, they'd probably remember my IP address. I will never be able to escape this identity. It's too late for me to turn back. It is my life mission to get into the PVCC and become a respected member.

I don't care if I never get china, I don't care if I have to live on the monthly tugboat.

I'm probably irredeemable at this point. It would take a sex change for me to be able to in good conscience eat that apple. You've pushed me to the point where I start bleeding Honest Content. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 22:45, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

OH DEAR LORD!!!!! Now I know what the White Knights go through when they first realise that Chris can't be helped. This is it! This torturous feeling I get trying to get through to you! A feeling of my very soul being chained down and laughed at as I try to fight against an unmoving brick wall! It's the most horrific thing I have ever felt! '''WHAT ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!''' --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:52, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Having trolled people quite a lot (it's what motivated me to come here, and I still do it regularly) I can tell you that this is about at the stage where he has the "brilliant" and "original" idea where he is backed into a corner so he pretends he was actually trolling us the whole time. He's using Chris terminology to try to lighten the mood. Troll victory GET... Except this time this isn't trolling. Oh, and he's planning to deny this comment. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:56, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Oh, and check his page. He's an emo now too. Figures. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:59, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

What am I? Possibly the next Chris. After all, the same dysfunctional school system, Chesterfield County Public Schools, produced the both of us. Anyone who went to school there and turned out normal probably had some kind of deity, good or evil, on their side to give them the brainpower and willpower. I, unfortunately, am an atheist, giving me no resistance against the defective education.

I have seen my purpose, and it is to be a lolcow. Trolls, move your home base from Charlottesville to Richmond. It's the lolcow capital of the world now.

Had you not launched the attack on RuleCWC, this would have never happened. But, had you seen through me when I listed my similarities to Chris on the original version of my user page, you would have found that out sooner. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:09, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

:Would you please just shut up and start slitting your wrists already? I've already given you some very good advice. And don't give me that shit about IP tracking. People have beter things to do than hunt you down. Just get a different account and don't start any more shit and your safe. Why is this so hard to comprehend? This would be over already if you didn't keep whining about it. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:13, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:If I had to choose between a stereotypical emo useless piece of shit and this guy, the stereotypical emo would win. That places 16Bit on par with furries on my Scale of Respect. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:15, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Funny you should say that. I am a former furry. To be more precise, I was along the lines of Alix Henroil, only with Sally instead of Sonic as the target of my affections. Emphasis on former. Even I don't like furries anymore. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:18, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::Wow, there really ISN'T anything good about you. Why the fuck is an emo furfag on a troll site to begin with? [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:27, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Emo/former furfag, thank you. I ditched the latter to become the former. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 23:32, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::Once a fag, always a fag. You cannot grow out of a sickness. Both are attention whore wastes of space, so I always figured it was more of a package deal. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:39, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I'm going to pop over to /cwc/ for a moment to consult the anons about the best COA. Hold down the fort here for me, would you? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:28, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
:Can do. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 23:31, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
::Waiting for a response now. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:45, 25 June 2010 (UTC)

I got some replies. [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/48074.html See here] --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:04, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
:Eh, they have a point. I guess we could just wait until he bawwws and then get someone to deliver the b&hammer. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 00:14, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

::I suppose, but as I said in the thread, I don't think you can be banned just for being a whiney emo furfag attention whore. Unless we have any rouge Jerkops out there who might be willing to help? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:19, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Remember, I was a decent editor until I cracked. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 00:22, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
*Looking over your edits, you were a shit editor. This makes sense since you don't have access to the PVCC to learn all of the current troll goings on. Oh well, given what a huge coward you are, and that you will never join PVCC as a result, I guess you will always be a shit editor.[[User:Raticus|Raticus]] 20:12, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Shut up. You have lost your right to free speech. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:24, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Alright then. Anon have spoken. They say to just ban the fucker. I doubt I can get him banned, but it's worth a shot. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:38, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

I've asked Clyde to get rid of him. Awaiting response once more. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 01:06, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

Listen, I got to go to sleep now. It's about 3AM where I am right now, and i'm getting tired. I'll be back in about 9 hours for further insulting of Alex or celebrations, depending on whether or not he is banned by then. 'Night --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 01:13, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

With regard to his new shit: So basically you're saying that men who eat fruit turn into women...? Well, that certainly explains the rampant epidemic of trannies the world has been so worked up about... wait...
Also, asians aren't necessarily incest, so I dunno what the fuck that's about. You never even finished that sentence. Apple products you count as exceptions because it's convenient. It just shows how lazy you are that you can't even follow your own rules. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 17:32, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
*Copy-paste that onto his talk page. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:54, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
**Crap wording. Reworded on my user page. Fruit doesn't make all men fruits, it's only me who suffers this irrational belief. --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 20:39, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
***I am literally crying right now at the thought you could still be alive with how fucked up you are. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:53, 26 June 2010 (UTC)

I feel the same way about you Edward. Stop famewhoring on my page. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:10, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:If anyone's "famewhoring", it's you, Delabonte. You made this section so you could rant at a user for attention. If other people join in, then yeah, they get attention out of it, too. However, this is still your attention whoring plan, not his. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 16:15, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

Is there anyone on this bloody CWCki these days not afflicted with Autism? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:24, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:Most users actually. Believe me, i'm a minority here. I don't see what your problem is with autistics though. Autism is not an instant retard formula, despite what Chris would lead you to believe. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:44, 27 June 2010 (UTC)

All you guys are fucking pathetic. So long, faggots
:Sign your posts, god damn. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 22:35, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
:That. Also, good riddance. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 00:19, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
::All in all I think things are turning out rather well today. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:55, 28 June 2010 (UTC)

== 'Fuckwit Alert' ==

If I may ask what the hell this is all about; is this about posting on Jenkins talk page? Really, I didn't do anything. Champ's specific instructions were "do not fuck with this user", not "absolutely no communication whatsoever." All I did was point him to the userbox list. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:24, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*His instructions were clear. Stay away from that page. Do not get in the way. Also, multiple userboxes that have nothing to do with Chris or the CWCki are for Autistics and faggots. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:27, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**If that's true, then why make one? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:28, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
Because it's a language you morons understand. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 04:30, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*While he should have been able to infer Champ's meaning, shouldn't you have just given him a warning, since, you know, people sometimes interpret meanings with even the slightest degree of vagueness differently than intended? [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 10:54, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*Coming soon- "Corporate Watchdog: The story of one Delabonte's struggle against anything that DARES to go one millimeter off of topic." Rated R for Extreme Dramedy. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 05:55, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

*If I may ask, what did I do to get the userbox? Is it just for being autistic or have you got an actual reason? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 08:41, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
**No you may not ask. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 09:10, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
***What the fuck is your problem? I haven't done shit to Jenkins and I haven't gotten involved in PVCC's plans. This is just being a dick for the sake of being a dick. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 10:00, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
****Edward, you're on the CWCki. Everyone is a dick. Everyone. Especially the mods. It seems to be part of the package. And Delabonte, while I know this is the CWCki, it isn't outside the realms of reasonable expectations to know why you've gotten into some shit. Although honestly, I'm half expecting to get the template for trying to be the voice of reason now... [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 10:54, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
*****Probably. As far as I know I haven't done anything other than saying I don't like PVCC. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 11:05, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

== Harassing other users ==

Dude, I've been reading a lot of complaints about you harassing other users and I do see it. Yes, some people here are fuckwits. Like I said, there's plenty of fuckwits on any wiki. But please, try and be a tad more tactful. Instead of calling people a fucking moron and telling them they're under watch, just be more tactful and point out how they're wrong or they should think about what they said and how wrong it sounds. I need people to edit this wiki without fear of reprisal from some source, as we're not exactly in a position to turn people away. If they're doing really stupid stuff, feel free to tell me and I can handle it in a way that everyone wins.

You've contributed a lot to the CWCki, Delabonte and I really don't want to have to ban you for your behavior. I know that Cogs likes the way that you act but I'm starting not to. If you'd like to discuss this further, you're welcome to contact me on AIM or we can get in IRC.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:15, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris n Weed ==
Why did you delete my section on weed? Its not speculative shit that he believes that weed is a stronger version of cigarettes, just look Inos,Sean, and his convos with clyde.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:23, 21 July 2010 (UTC)
:Chris and Money <--- Chris actually uses money... poorly. Chris and English <--- Chris uses the English language... poorly. Chris and Sex <--- Chris is on an active hunt for sexual intercourse... also poorly. See what I'm getting at here? A few references do not a topic make. Christ... this "Chris and..." thing is getting out of hand. Next we'll have "Chris and possible references to secondary Star Wars characters." --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 23:47, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
:What Fuckinstupid said. Also, just because you have an interest in an illegal activity and Chris has mentioned once or twice it in the past doesn't entitle it to a section either. Until Chris starts smoking pot (never) or he goes on a tirade about marijuana (without it being brought up by someone else, which it almost always has in the past) it doesn't get a section. It's asking Chris "Hey Chris, what do you think of Alfa Romeos?" and then starting an Alfa Romeo section. It just doesn't belong.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:58, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
Except that he has alluded to marijuana multiple times, look at Inos, offering Sonichu a hit from his "dige" apparently what chris thinks is a slang term for a joint. Sean, who showed up to court baked as fuck, ordering "pot stickers". Need i add moar?--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:09, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

==Curses==
Uhhh... why? --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 07:45, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
*It was a joke. I know humour isn't a strong point with you Eastern Europeans. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 08:00, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Sorry, sometimes it's hard to tell if you are being funny or a secretive badass. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 09:04, 23 July 2010 (UTC)