CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and death

2010-02-23T20:13:01Z

Dango:

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|right|Rest in peace?]]
'''Death''' stalks [[Chris]] at every turn, and as a result he is really poor when it comes to understanding and/or coping with death, be it the death of a human or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy, and his incredibly underdeveloped mind. Kids often don't understand death until they're quite old, around 10-12 years; before that, they just think it's "like sleeping forever" or "just leaving." Chris, being a 3-year-old inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to sort of understand death; he even has a habit of appealing to dead people to "come back."<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands Or Buts#A history (6:02 to 9:34)]]: "Patti, I miss you. Come home."</ref><ref>[[:Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg]]: "Dedicated to Mr. Billy Mays II; Please Come Back Soon."</ref>

It could be that the only shows that Chris watched that dealt with death in any way had plot devices to facilitate the return of the departed. Chris, who is unable to connect cause with effect and considers behaviors from fiction to be interchangeable with reality, may simply assume that the dead can come back whenever they want.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==
===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (-2001)===
In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of the first of [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde]] and says that he is as weak as the Twin Towers. He then shows the mouse cursor crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. This has shocked many, including somebody who lost a loved one in the attacks<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCDjrjr3b7M]</ref> and this could possibly be the lowest that Chris has ever gone.

===[[Patti Chandler]] (1988-2006)===
Patti was Chris's dog, and she died in June 2006. Chris [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:AZT-13/Chris-chan_Emails_Part_IV apparently drew a picture of a crying Sonichu face] on the signature confirming the euthanasia process. As seen in the image used in this article, [[Patti-Chan|Patti also appeared in the comic, immortalized as an anthro]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in, in favor of locking her in his own personal hell, in which she will only exist when he can be bothered to draw her. Effectively, he's stolen and erased her soul.

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other peoples' family members and loved ones. Not surprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended, yet he continues to use this example.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. Supporting this is a report that Chris periodically broke down in tears for as many as six months after her death.{{cite}} By comparison, the "death" of any [[Troll|Sweetheart]] will result in a day of mourning if they are lucky.

===RocketFox's Dad (1966-2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. [[Ryan]]'s death and Chris's reaction cemented this. About eight months later, Chris [[Chris's Big Night Out|became a huge hypocrite]]...

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981-2008)===
A former [[Sweetheart|heartsweet]] of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a <strike>car crash</strike> carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. SPOILERS: A [[troll]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the Sonichu characters mourn the loss of their professor. Sound like [[Chris|someone]]?

===[[Ryan Cash]] (1996-2008)===
Ryan was [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]]'s brother who was a huge fan of [[Sonichu]]. After the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|Chris, of course, reacted to this in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marvelling at his power to incite suicide.]]

===[[PandaHalo]]===
Despite her being thousands of kilometers away from the brushfires, Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another [[sweetheart]] to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref> This flagrant disrespect shouldn't surprise anyone because Chris is a self-centered asshole. This saga ''further'' proved that Chris has no sense of empathy or respect for the dead.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[BlazeBob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her. Apparently, Chris didn't feel like he needed to honor the life of his beloved [[sweetheart]] and instead depicted her horrible, fiery death. He also has to mention that she "burned," which shows how he doesn't realize how painful and awful it would be to die in a fire. It's also not a term that anyone would use to describe the death of a loved one, providing more evidence of how little he actually cared about her. Because it took nine months to "honor" her death, he most likely decided he needed more god-awful characters for his shitty comic, was too lazy to create a new recolor and chose to use Chloe and BlazeBob, thus reminding him of PandaHalo, who he had likely forgotten, and made him decide to feature a memorial to her.

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May [[Troll|attempted suicide]] over [[Mumble_8|Mumble]]. Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told Julie (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out to her on a YouTube video]], with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. His reason for her to hold on? Because he'd be so sad without her. While mentioning the feelings of friends and families despair is typical in suicide prevention, Chris did it in such a selfish way, only thinking of how ''he'd'' feel, not how ''her'' family and friends would feel, that it was just full of [[fail]] and [[Chris and His Ego|narcissism]].

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936-2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also Shrove Tuesday, a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrove_Tuesday</ref> Needless to say, [[White knight#Chris cares only for himself|Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt]]. Patti was also obtained from her (see the e-mail link above).

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow, although any normal human would bring those up first and the dog would be lucky to get a mention at all.

===[[Clyde Cash]] (1976-<s>2009</s>)===
In early 2009, Christian once seemed to be aware that Clyde Cash was supposedly dead, but casted a slight bit of doubt over the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] Clyde in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009]], just in case. He's back.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958-2009)===
In the video [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for Mays' death, and loudly denies that he was ever the mayor of [[Cwcville]]. He doesn't even offer his condolences to Mays' family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that Mays was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris. He goes even further by stating that he was also his identical body double and "without the beard we'd look the same". At least he's admitting that he's overweight.

In [[Sonichu 9]], Chris slaps in a one-page intro with Billy saying that he was never was the mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon". Ninety pages later, we find out that Billy had seemed to die falling down an elevator shaft, attempting to free Ivy from HER gruesome death. The next issue, however, had him appear alive and well, trapped like [[Patti-Chan|Patti Chan]] in his own personal Hell of CWCville.

===[[Ivy]] (1992-2009)===
Former [[troll|sweetheart]] Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video as a memorial. Yes, a poorly sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop/punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Unless the original was somehow Ivy's favorite song, this is just short of "Another One Bites the Dust" as one of the worst possible songs one can dedicate to a recently deceased loved one. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's [[fail]].

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into [[Sonichu 9|Issue 9]] of the comic. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of Slaweel and some weird faux-Tranformers actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. Why he felt the need to make her death in the series gruesomely similar to her real-life suicide is a question for the ages. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for [[Patti Chan]] and [[BILLY MAYS]].

==="Mary Jo"===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss| recent mailbag]], Chris was asked by a troubled [[troll|fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.| Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another [[sweetheart|woman]] right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].

===Mike Jackson (1969-2010)===
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|Mike's obituary.]]
Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|asking]] [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|for]] [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris refers to a man buying his underage son a whore as "good news"|advice]], and then [[Mailbag 45#Adventures with whores|begging]] for [[Mailbag 48#This guy's life is in shambles, but Chris was STRESSED!|help]] after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It's entirely possible he didn't even view the obituary page he was allowed access to. Overall, this is perhaps one of the most terrifyingly amoral acts Chris has ever undertaken.

===[[Bob|Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]===
Coming soon... Both are well into their "Silver Years" and suffering from many heath issues, compounded by their age. It doesn't help that they're [[Tour of Chris's House|living in a landfill]].

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Anime

2010-02-05T20:59:18Z

Dango:

[[Image:Sonichu05-P50.jpg|thumb|A better example of Chris's anime-inspired artwork. (Still shit, mind.)]]
[[Image:Uncle_Go.jpg|thumb|Go Nagai, or as mecha anime fans call him: Uncle Go. He is the total opposite of Chris in the anime and manga realm, and has the creativity of a thousand men. He does more in a decade than most mangaka and writers can hope to do in a lifetime. Also note that he's a sharp dressed man.]]

'''Anime''' is a term used to refer to Japanese animation. It's not clear when [[Chris]] first discovered Japanese cartoons, although it's safe to guess that ''[[Pokémon]]'' and/or ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'' was the seed. He was a big enough anime fan by [[2004]] to attend the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention in [[Richmond]], [[Virginia]]. While he has been called a weeaboo, he doesn't appear to be into anime as much as people think he is, save for hentai.

He didn't start giving the characters in his comic an anime/manga look until the [[Sonichu 5|fifth issue of ''Sonichu'']], though, in a bid to please his gal-pal [[Megan Schroeder]], who was into ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' at the time. Practically speaking, this involved giving his characters huge, prismatic, saucer-like eyes, which make them look more stoned than animu, or "upside-down U" eyes. Needless to say, despite the radical artwork style change in his comics, he still was cockblocked.

Since his relationship with Megan deteriorated (eventually [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|blowing up in his face]]), anime hasn't been so obvious an influence on Chris’s artwork, and he hasn’t gone back to an anime convention since [[2005]].

Chris still rips off characters and story concepts from anime left and right, though, and he still watches some newer anime series. His [[PlayStation Network|PSN]] account shows that he downloaded several episodes of the "harem" comedy-drama ''Shuffle!'' in [[2009]]; given that it stars a hapless twit who finds himself surrounded by willing women for no very good reason, Chris probably loved it (he is in the target demographic, after all). ''Shuffle!'' is also based on an [[Wikipedia:Eroge|eroge]] ("erotic game"), although it's uncertain if Chris is aware of this.

==Anime Chris has ripped off==

Like every other form of entertainment he enjoys, Chris views anime as a rich source of ideas that he can swipe and integrate into his own "original" works. These are some of the shows he’s abused.

* ''Cutey Honey''
* ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]''
* ''[[Excel Saga]]''
* ''[[Daniel Mimms|Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo]]''
* ''Inuyasha''
* ''Fist of the North Star'' (indirectly)
* ''[[Jiggliami|Macross Frontier]]'' (indirectly, and unknowingly)
* ''[[Daniel Mimms|Naruto]]''
* ''[[Pokémon]]''
* ''[[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance|Pretty Cure]]''
* ''[[Sailor Moon]]''
* ''[[Samurai Pizza Bots|Samurai Pizza Cats]]'' (name only)
* ''[[Simonla Rosechu|Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]]'' (indirectly)
* ''[[Pedofork|Urotsukidoji]]''
* ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]''
* ''YuYu Hakusho'' (Chris uses the protagonist's attack Reigan, calling it "Zap Cannon", in Issue 10)

==''End of Evangelion''==
[[Ivy]] got [[Chris]] to see ''[[Wikipedia:The End of Evangelion|End of Evangelion]]'' as inspiration for finishing the [[comic]].<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=22511#p22511 PVCC]</ref>

Chris's summary: [[Fail|A generic tale of a boy's struggle for acceptance]]...[[Chris and his Ego|a lot like him]].

Chris thought he saw: Symbolism (IN MY EVA?), but he's too stupid to see what it symbolized.

Chris's favorite parts:
# The Misato and Kaji sex scene (where you saw only feet), because it made him feel that he was a big boy and that he was watching no-kids cartoon.
# The Rei Angels that were kawaii and had boobs.
# The internal struggles of Shinji.

Chris didn't like:
# Everyone turns to orange tang juice
# Rei Angels getting turned on by stabbing themselves.
# The unhappy ending.
# Asuka freaking out (I don't wanna die).

==See also==
*[[Anime Wings]]
*[[Anime Mid-Atlantic]]
*[[Adult Swim]]

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Anne Boleyn

2010-02-04T19:30:51Z

Dango:

[[Image:Anne_boleyn.jpg|thumb|right|The ancestor of the man who gave birth to Sonichu? Though, it would explain why she was called a witch. ]]

'''Anne Boleyn''' (died 1536) was Queen of England as the second wife of King Henry VIII. [[Chris]] claims to be a descendent of her from his [[Barbara|mother]]'s side of the family, via [[Daniel Weston]] who was on the Mayflower.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>

It is not known when or how Chris got this idea. In [[August 2005]], he tried to impress a girl on [[MySpace]] with this fact simply because she was interested in royalty.<ref>[[MySpace#Jalena]]</ref>

In late 2008, Chris deduced that he is also descended from Mary Boleyn (Anne's sister, not mother), the 1st Earl of Portland (Richard Weston, who was born later in 1577),<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009]]</ref> and later Earls of Portland.<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris had looked up Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn on [[Wikipedia]] to find a link between them.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> This fact strengthens the view that Chris made the whole thing up himself without being told by his mother. And although it is quite possible that his family tree loops back in on itself, it's [[Virginia|probably]] a good deal more recent than the Tudor period.

In [[May 2009]], Chris gave his ancestry as a reason for Wikipedia to have an article on him.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009]]</ref>

==Not possible==

Aside from the fact that [[Daniel Weston]] did not exist, Anne Boleyn had only one daughter, Queen Elizabeth I. It is downright false that Chris is descended from her, because, like Chris, Elizabeth I was a famous [[virgin with rage]]. Here is an example of Chris's lackluster research:

: <cogsdev> What countries in the world you would like to visit and why?
: <ChrisChanSonichu> Japan; Anime and Videogames and culture.
: <ChrisChanSonichu> England.
: <ChrisChanSonichu> France
: <ChrisChanSonichu> those two, because I'm part British, French and Cherokee; I'm a decendant from Anne Bolyn's Family; in relation to her being an aunt.
: <ChrisChanSonichu> *mother of Queen Elizabeth I<ref>[[IRC (22 December 2008)]]</ref>

Luckily [[YouTube]] wasn't invented in the 16th century, nor was Queen Elizabeth known to sit around the [[Fashion Square Mall|Ye Olde shoppes]] with [[Attraction Sign|idiotic signs]].

On the other hand, Queen Elizabeth ''was'' a perpetual virgin (officially, anyway; rage status unknown), and one of her alleged romances was with a man who ended up committing high treason, which is not dissimilar to 16th-Century Trolling. This makes it slightly more plausible for Chris to be a relative of Her Britannic Majesty.

On the ''other'' other hand, Liz was pretty good at [[CWCville|politics]], supposedly quite attractive, [[Chris and fashion|well-dressed]], and very good at manipulating her public image. Unlike Chris.

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

White knight

2010-02-04T18:15:11Z

Dango:

[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Artist's conception. Bad artist, but still.]]

{{quote|Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?|Chris, [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]}}

'''White knight''' is a term used to describe someone who goes on the internet to help or defend someone else on the internet against other people on the internet out of pity or compassion. White knighting of Chris is especially prevalent because of the unprecedented amount of abuse he has taken, which in turn is caused by Chris's total inability to heed the white knights in his life.

'''Counter trolls''' are those who take Chris's side to spite his legion of [[trolls]]. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris-chan has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with [[anti-troll]]s, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris-chan saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being such an epic lulzcow, and whether he is deserving or even beyond such assistance. The consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article, /cwc/, [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] is that Chris's [[Racism|racism]], [[Chris and Sex|homophobia]], and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] make him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him on good faith. White knights and counter-trolls are considered to be wasting everyone's time and trolls have little patience for them.

==Motives==

===Pity===
Following the release of Chris's first [[nudes|nude photos]] and the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] in which he reacted to the loss of his [[medallion]]s and [[Blanca]], many, including trolls, felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

===Empathy===
The internet is full of autistic people, man-children, and self-absorbed morons, many of which are right here, fascinated with Chris-chan. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his all-consuming need for female companionship or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up; they think they can reason with Chris by speaking from experience.

BAAAAAAAW! [[Kick the Autistic]] is a cruel game. Quit it!

===Circumstances beyond Chris's control===
There is ongoing debate about whether Chris is actually [[autism|autistic]]. Regardless, there is clear evidence that Chris suffers from serious mental deficiencies.

Chris [[fail]]s to identify people, a possible sign of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia Prosopagnosia]. [[BlueSpike|Julie and her brother Max]] used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't identify them as the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict [[Blanca]], and yet Chris thought they were the same person. In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself<ref> [[Sonichu 7]] - [http://thedailypos.org/misc/sonichu/Issue%207/SchuComic8Page24.jpg "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> — since chances are he hasn't "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation as to why he denies being fat.

Chris fails to read between the lines. He interprets [[Family Guy]] as being against homosexuality.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]</ref> When two male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.<ref>Anecdote by [[Mimms]].</ref>

Furthermore, Chris's upbringing was anything but ideal. All of these factors and probably a lot more have led to the man-child we know today.

===The trolls are even worse people than Chris===
Another frequently heard line of reasoning is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris - or at least equally pathetic. For example, [[BlueSpike]]'s total control of Chris was disgusting, but his near sadism and what he made Chris do [[BLUESPIKE#Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Troll_War|outraged even trolls]]. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who [[CWCki|obsessively document and debate everything he does]]?

==Reasons against white knighting==
===Chris lacks empathy himself===
:''See also: [[Chris and death]], [[Chris and his Ego]]''
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind": if you used to be as shy around women as he is today, in his mind the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he [[Dating education|magically dreams up his own solution]].

:'''RocketFox:''' My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
:'''Chris:''' RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately afterward, he started talking about a sexy dance.

Chris's reactions to suicide are very telling. After [[Ryan Cash]] died because of Chris, Chris marveled at how much power he had right after he tried to publicly console [[Clyde Cash]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]</ref> When [[Sarah May]] attempted suicide because of Chris, Chris's reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]</ref>. When Chris broke up with [[Ivy]], he somehow concocted, in his head, an assumption that that she had committed suicide. Even after having lost so many dear friends due to suicides, he still has no problems telling [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] to [[death threats|kill themselves]]. Many people who have had to dealt with suicidal people or have lost relatives and friends due to suicides might not exactly find this amusing.

On [[Twin Falling Towers|1 November 2009]], Chris made a video involving Clyde being as "weak as the Twin Towers" and used the mouse cursor as a plane flying into them.<ref>[[Twin Falling Towers]]</ref>

When Rashid Ali Abdul, an Iranian [[trolls|fan]] tells him that the religious authorities set her to be beheaded for reading Sonichu, Chris answers that he's sorry and that the situation is "Pitiful".<ref>[[Mailbag 8]]</ref>

While this can actually be accounted to Chris's [[autism]], where lack of empathy is a common trait, most autistics can at least learn how to express it through a combination of carefully reading emotions and thinking about how this affects the other one, yet Chris refuses psychiatric help for this sort of thing - but that's another point.

===Autism does not excuse a terrible person===

Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,<ref>[[Quizzes#Autism Quiz]]</ref> and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

Autism, in and of itself, does not create a failure as massive as Chris Chandler. A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and are able to gain social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and lead rewarding and rich lives. Yet while Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he refuses to do anything more than see the [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] at his church, who is remarkably not a professional trained in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders<ref>[[Vivian's AIM chat]]</ref>.

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions, has a sense of morality, and would be (and has been) held accountable for his own actions in a court of law. The fact he is a racist, a homophobe, and a misogynist has nothing to do with his autism.

===Chris is beyond pity===

Chris is capable of doing some very bad things when provoked, which is a quite understandable (if not acceptable) response to trolling. However, "provocation" in this case doesn't necessarily mean harassment or trolling; merely disagreeing with Chris or asking him why he does what he does can provoke an attack - up to and including death threats. When Chris is annoyed, frustrated, or overcome by desire or lust, he's capable of doing ''nasty'' things. Moreover, when Chris loses it, he's not thinking of the consequences at all, and his expressions of outrage are completely out of proportion to the provocation - <s>sometimes</s> often more outrageous in themselves than whatever the trolls did.

Chris [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|insulted little kids in card games]] and scared some of them away from visiting [[The GAMe PLACe]]. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], who frequented The GAMe PLACe and knew Chris in real life years before he was discovered by the internet, can't list any redeemable qualities of Chris.

Chris sexually harassed a [[Megan|woman]] in real life. It was made explicitly clear to him by Megan that his physical contact and comments to her were unacceptable, but he continued anyway, convinced that eventually she would learn to love being molested by a mentally ill manchild and become his [[Sweethearts| Sweetheart From The Ground Up]].

After [[Megan]] yelled at Chris for uploading [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingebanging her]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], he did not apologize,<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> but rather explained to her (in a terribly [[naïve]] way) how a handjob works, under the misguided assumption that she merely was upset because she didn't recognize the sex act being performed. He then had the nerve to say to her, "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be."<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, ''him''. Based on [[List of Chris's ED edits|his ED edits]], he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] than he was with defending Megan's honor.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new [[sweetheart]] right away, ''even if she died''. No matter the setback, his ego keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he [[The July 10th Messages|addressed a person named 'SonichuIzCool']] on YouTube. SonichuIzCool was (''was'') probably the only genuine fan of Sonichu, and tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally retarded. In his YouTube message, Chris calls her "[[naïve]] and [[slow in the mind]]". He tells her she has to "come out where [he] can meet [her]." Another side of this incident is that his YouTube account had been recently hacked, and he had managed to recover it this time, thus avoiding all of the nasty evil damage the trolls ''might'' have caused; yet, when he posted these videos, he got his account suspended due to ''his own actions''.

In early November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, he went so far as to mock the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center terror attacks]]. When feeling angry at Clyde Cash, he not only thought it would be a good idea to blackmail him, but he used the ''fall of two skyscrapers full of people after being hit by airliners full of jet fuel and human beings'' as a metaphor for how weak he thought Clyde was, and used it to threaten and mock Clyde. When people got angry, he tried to fix things by turning the WTC towers into cake candles. To our knowledge, he was never coaxed or encouraged by an outside source to use the WTC images; he came up with this reprehensible idea all on his own.

===Chris cares only for himself===

Chris spends [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on luxury, and steals from his parents to buy [[PSN|video games]] he'll never play. Chris does have the skills and confidence to hold a job with no client interaction, and programs exist specifically to find appropriate jobs for mentally challenged people, but he hasn't even tried since being fired from [[Wendy's]].

Further reinforcing his selfishness and laziness, Chris and his family strongly agree it's easier to be paid for doing absolutely nothing via benefit than to actually do any sort of physical labor whatsoever. This is based on the (quite possibly untrue) assertion that Chris can earn more on disability than from a job. By taking full advantage of the government by vastly exaggerating claims of an easily manageable illness which they refuse to treat, Chris's parents are assured a steady income of your money for rent, and don't have to worry about Chris getting in trouble with the law [[Chris and the Law|again]] when he has a breakdown in public.

===Chris is not a good net citizen===

Chris is more concerned with spreading his own version of [[Honest Content|honest truth]] than being a good net citizen. He has adopted the mentality that most spammers have adopted: who cares about things like terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message goes through? He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. This is not mere ''passivity'' in the communities, which might still be tolerable; he ''deliberately opposes'' such participation. Most people, while not bothering to contribute to communities, would not at least make deliberate efforts to hinder the community. On [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]], he disables all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway - yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's being clearly used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his [[Wikipedia]] user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to Wikipedia to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet; the thought of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the fact that people who block him try to hint something (often something along the lines of "GTFO") never cross his mind.

Chris's behavior on [[CWCipedia]] shows more of this. The banner ad crisis in late 2009 is a good example of his [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] in action. He doesn't understand what it ''really'' means that the website is neither hosted nor paid for by him personally, and what sort of things the administration typically does on a website like his. He just can't understand simple principles like "webhost's house, webhost's rules," or "beggars can't be choosers."

===Chris will reject your advice===

[[Image:0231-MrsSanfordsWiseWords.jpg|thumb|right|What are you going to tell Chris that his [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|favorite teacher]] didn't tell him 15 years ago?]]

Someone [[White knight emails|carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist]]. In response, Chris got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculous: he denies being overweight.

Read [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Vivian's AIM chat]]. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that [[PandaHalo]] was a troll. Chris fell for PandaHalo anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try". Not only has she long since joined the troll ranks, but recently, Chris even began to [[Sign Destruction Video|berating and sending threats]] to his biggest white knight ever.

===Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth===

* [[Hanna]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Lori Lopez]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[PandaHalo]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite [[Vivitheg]]'s warnings.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails]]</ref>
* [[Julie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Robert Simmons V]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah May]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah Jackson]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Blanca]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Emily]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Ivy]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.

See a trend here? Do you really think he will believe any evidence you send him proving that every fan he has, and pretty much every person he has been in contact with over the past year, is a troll?

===Chris asks for it, and always recovers===

Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's True and Honest, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was practically a squeal begging for more trolling.

[[wiktionary:TMI|TMI]] is a tactic Chris uses that usually leads to him abusing himself. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute details of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being Honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and lewd acts are all over the internet? No big deal! [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|All adults do that kind of thing, so what's the problem?]]

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] mentioned above (and quite quickly, too) and proceeded to fail even harder for months. So what's the problem?

===Chris outcast-ed himself===

High school and college are the places and moments where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's [[autistic]]. They lent him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He ''refused, out of [his] own volition,'' to integrate with anyone who wasn't female, young, rich, white, and within the Charlottesville area.

When [[Mary Lee Walsh|the Dean]] gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, and was rightly kicked from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag. He was given ''several'' chances to learn that his [[Attraction_sign|loitering and soliciting]] were not appropriate for a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are [[Jerkops]], that [[Virginia is for Virgins]], and that his [[Love Quest]] was him against the world. After being kicked from The Game Place (after again being given more leeway than most people ever would have gotten, out of a sense of misguided pity), he was kicked from the last place in Ruckersville that was still open to him, and was left with only one place: his home.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He was given a friendly hand, but he angrily bit it, and that hand will never show up again. He doesn't even belong in his own home anymore. He was forced into exile to [[Cwcville]], the one and only place still open to him, and that place ''doesn't even exist''.

===[[Stress]]===

In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to get up-to-date and to thwart the troll output. They'd probably have to lie and pretend to be a girl or video game designer to even capture his attention. This combined with Chris's usual responses is enough to make any sane non-professional psychologist [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_October_21st,_2008|Crash Into Slumber]].

===Chris will not even read your message===

The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online. Any e-mails sent to his private address will be deleted, probably unread, and any e-mails sent to the [[Mailbag]], if they even get published, will be [[Mailbag 29|given one-word replies and ignored]].

===The trolling will not cease===

Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his [[Joshua Martinez|real life friends]]. In college, he was trolled by [[Mimms|friends]] [[Lucas|who]] grew sick of his bullshit, and by [[Anna_McLerran|girls]] [[Hannah|annoyed]] by his "attraction methods" and rampant, unabashed sexism. If Chris quit the Internet tomorrow, he would still be trolled by a society that refuses to tolerate ignorant manchildren flaunting its rules.

If everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unwittingly seek out new trolls to take their place, and we know newfags are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after his parents die, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his [[monthly tugboat]].

If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the internet.

If the custodian bans Chris from the internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris gets institutionalized, he will attract [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS0kIavTfic real life trolls] at the mental hospital.

If the entire world reforms and decides to leave Chris alone, his own sense of victimization will override any benefit. Consider that Chris felt persecuted simply by observing [[Jerks|males who had more success than himself]]. He regards [[Jerkops|legitimate]] [[Bagget|assertions]] [[B-Manajerk|of]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|authority]] as rank brutality. [[Adam Stackhouse]] managed to upset Chris to a degree that CWC observers rate among the most impressive and he did so most likely without knowing of the manchild's existence. Bleak as it is, unless Chris radically embarks on a program of self-improvement and/or learns some humility, and manages against the odds to shake off both his legions of abusers and seamy reputation, he will forever feel like a [[Kick the Autistic|thoroughly kicked autistic]].

===The trolling helps Chris, and indeed others===
If Chris was just some random nobody on the internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing video games and occasionally drawing unsellable comics until his parents died, then he would be institutionalized. He'd remain without social skills, a virgin all his life, with no job, success or future.

Instead, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that — without exaggeration — is something extraordinary, unique, and which likely won't be replicated in any shape or form for years to come. Chris has secured his place among such luminaries as the Time Cube guy and John Titor, and unlike the Time Cube guy, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris interacting with the world through his websites and YouTube has drawn in a crowd of people who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art of a kind that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. His bringing humor to millions all over the world is an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving - the kind of thing that would give Dane Cook a stiffy just to consider. His internet fame is actually a sort of success in its own right, and may bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated with him that they study his life.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually realizing his problems, seeking professional help, and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately wealthy. The troll audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him an actual social outlet to learn and grow in life. Instead of being an unemployable, hideous, fat, virgin bedroom dweller that's unknown, he's an internet-famous unemployable, hideous, fat, virgin bedroom dweller and this by itself increases his chances of getting friends and a girl. He may even end up employed, too, probably appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie or TV series.

Also, Chris's constant failure at life has inspired [[Autism#What other aspies think of Chris|hundreds]] to self-improvement. Really, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

===Chris treats "fans" and white knights like crap===
If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on YouTube, AIM or any other messenger service and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. Quite ironic, isn't it? He's a paranoid fucktard who screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz." He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in his own self loathing.

{{quote|Whatever.|Send Chris a 400-word, well-reasoned email — get a [[Mailbag 29#Whatever|1-word reply]] back}}
{{quote|You can go f*** yourself.|[[Mailbag 43#Go Fuck Yourself, too!|A not-so reasonable reply]] to reasonable criticism}}

Chris doesn't treat his (perceived) fans much better. Even aside from the SonichuIzCool incident mentioned above, Chris has severe problems answering questions from his fans (or trolls who pretend to be positive fans), and will often react in a hostile manner to everything he sees as negative or offensive. His [[Mailbag]] is the most recent big example of this. He hates being corrected, and will cling to his misinformation; his insistence that Asperger's Syndrome and Autism are unrelated is a good example of this. When or if he's having a good day and manages to answer questions from fans, he often gives them very brief, one or two word answers that do not elaborate on anything at all, or outright ignore parts of the question.

==Examples==

:''Read: [[White knight emails]]''

[[Svenka]] is a counter-troll.

On 6 [[May 2009]], [[YouTube]] user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/[http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePinchisDaBomb ThePinchisDaBomb] tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/softerthanhardware YouTube]</ref> The Pinch has also threatened [[BlueSpike]] saying he has information from his friends but the thing is '''BLUESPIKE HAS NO FRIENDS.'''

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/White_knight White Knighting] article at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolling]]