CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and drugs

2020-12-22T19:51:09Z

DannWoolf: Corrected repeated line.

{{quote|The despicable mention of rude words and... D-R-U-G-S.|[[Song of Christian]]}}

A '''drug''' is a substance, other than food, that changes an [[Chris|organism]]'s physiology or psychology when consumed. Drugs can be illegal, regulated, or unregulated, and they can either help or hurt a person, sometimes both.

Chris's attitude towards drugs has evolved throughout his life, ranging from negative to positive.

==Prescription drugs==
===Psych meds and other drugs===
====Prescriptions for mental health====
{{Main|Autism}}
Due to Chris's autism, he has had to take a variety of prescription drugs over the years. As of 2000, Chris has been taking the antidepressant Paxil for his Autism (which increased from 20mg to 30mg after his [[Autism papers|Psychiatric diagnosis]]), but sometime before December 2009 he stopped taking it, and instead began taking Paroxetine, citing Paxil's side-effects. Interestingly enough, both have the same chemical composition, meaning both are the same drug with different trade names. If word ever gets out that Chris felt Paroxetine didn't have the same side effects as Paxil, know that this is just an example of the placebo effect. It is possible that Paxil/Paroxetine's side effects included making orgasm harder and increased potential for [[obesity|weight gain]]. Sometime afterwards, [[Barb]] found out about it's side effects and switched to fluoxetine. It is likely she switched relatively recently, as she still mentioned paroxetine well into [[October 2017]].

In that same paper, it also mentioned his taking of Imipramine for unknown reasons.

====Prescriptions for other ailments====
{{Main|Chris and health}}
For the majority of his life, Chris has had cholesterol problems. To combat this, instead of eating like a normal human being and getting exercise, he eats poorly and rarely exercises while taking Lipitor, a cholesterol-lowering drug. While Lipitor and similar drugs can have a positive effect in lowering the cholesterol levels of those taking it, if one doesn't change their lifestyle as well there will be little change in the cholesterol level. Chris, having taken Lipitor since at least [[August 2009]], has had some improvement with his cholesterol levels. getting a score of 140 mg/ml, while not low, is not high either. Since Chris is very unfit, it's likely that Lipitor seems to be doing a decent job.

Chris also takes a drug to combat blood pressure, likely a blood thinner concerning his fat-high diet. In [[June 2019]], Chris suffered a heart attack and was placed in the hospital. He took Tylenol, aspirin, and several other unknown drugs, most likely blood-thinners and cholesterol-lowering drugs. As with most people after heart attacks, Chris will likely take similar drugs for the rest of his life. It is known that Chris also takes antibiotics for UTIs.
===HRT===
Ever since [[May 2015]], Chris has been taking HRT one way or another to successfully transition.

====Oestrogel====
Normally, transgender people plan out their gender transitions with doctors to ensure safety throughout the process, especially if they are taking hormones. [[File:Like budderin bread - credit to Buck Mullet.gif|thumb|Chris believes this is an appropriate form of hormone therapy.]]

Unfortunately, Chris has done the opposite. In 2015, he acquired '''Oestrogel''', a hormone replacement therapy cream meant for [[Barbara Chandler|post-menopausal women]]. It is meant to be prescription-only, but Chris got around the requirement to see a doctor by ordering it through Offshore Pharmacy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref> Oestrogel has health risks, such as fluid retention, weight changes, rise in blood pressure (disastrous for an [[Obesity|obese]] person like Chris) and blood clots,<ref name=healthrisks>[http://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-89430/estrogel-transdermal/details/list-sideeffects Common and Rare Side Effects for Estrogel transdermal]. WebMD</ref> and that is when it is applied properly via a small dosage on the arm once per day. He even managed to fail at following the directions on the package, as shown in [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.]], in which he slathers the cream onto his stomach "like buttering bread".

[[Kim Wilson]] revealed that he was taking the hormones in May 2015,<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref> and Chris mentioned the drug again as late as August 2016.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2016_Facebook_posts#House_Cleaning</ref> Throughout 2015-2016, he rsepeatedly complained, via Facebook posts, of feeling dizzy and ill, but has failed to connect the dots and see that taking over-dosages of a black-market drug without a physician's approval could be a reason for it.

At some point in fall 2016, he finally went to a medical professional and was prescribed proper HRT.

==Alcohol==
[[Image:Sonichurosey.png|thumb|Ever since getting married to [[Rosechu]], [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] finds that Reeb helps dull the pain.]]

'''Alcohol''', much like [[sex toys|shoving things]] up his ass, was something that Chris used to preach against, until he eventually tried it and discovered he loved the somewhat pleasant effect.

===Background===
[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Finally Loosened up and flew to Long Island June 12, 2009. '''Keep It Responsible'''; ONLY One in a day, or 7 or less in all in a week. ''(Quote from [[CWCipedia]])'']]

Chris describes alcohol as a "slow-acting poison" in his [[FUTURE MESSAGE]] video. He also touches on the subject during [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], where in line 309, he mentions that he would not go to a singles bar because of it (and cigarettes). When asked about it in [[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]], he stated that it "causes [[Chris and health|liver dysfunction]] and likely [[Chris and anger|bar fights]] and [[6 June 2010|automobile accidents]]".

Chris delivered a particularly effusive tirade in one of his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]:

{{quote|ALSO, I BET YOU PROBABLY SMOKE AND DRINK, don't you? I SPEAK AGAINST THOSE AS WELL SINCE THEY ARE TOOLS TO SPEED YOU TO DEATH WITH CANCER, LIVER PROBLEMS, BAR FIGHTS AND AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENTS. GIVE UP THE HABITS! THEY ARE BEYOND GROSS AND DISGUSTING!|Chris, to Reggie, early in 2009.}}

===Discovery and use===
Despite this, a [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]] [[Chris's Big Night Out|video]] of Chris drinking a [[Long Island Iced Tea]] was uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 12 [[June 2009]], perhaps showing us Chris will be willing to throw all his principles out the window when chances of being around a female arise.

Alcohol was mentioned briefly in a video shortly after, titled [[I'm Sorry, Dude]]. In this video, Chris makes an offer to treat Logan to drinks; as opposed to his past offers of "coffee or soda" to those whom he wanted to get to know. Alcohol was briefly revisited again on camera in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]], where Chris was seen drinking. Chris's first recorded video where he appeared visibly intoxicated was [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]. Alcohol began a slow and steady progression into Chris's life; this was made obvious in an email to [[Regina]], where he said ''"I've also tasted Mike's Hard Lemonade, Budwiser, Miller, Micolobe ''[Michelob]'', Samual Adams and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour."''

Budweiser is apparently his brand of choice, based on eyewitness reports from [[Fridays After Five]] and his account of a trip to a bar prior to visiting [[the GAMe PLACe]] on [[6 June 2010]]. Meanwhile, a [[100 2281|video]] from mid-[[October 2010]] showed Chris slugging Kahlúa straight from the bottle, although he didn't seem to enjoy it too much.

When a correspondent in [[Mailbag 6#Sonichu and drinking|Mailbag 6]] challenged him regarding his shift in attitude, Chris replied, "I discourage underage drinking fully; I wanted to try it once for myself."

In [[Mailbag 16#Alcoholism|Mailbag 16]], from [[December 2009]], he described his drinking habits in more detail: "I am more of a Social Drinker; I generally do NOT spend a weekly amount on drinks; I only drink at like a party or with a friend on rare ocassions [sic]." This remark was met with some skepticism from [[trolls]], since Chris has no friends, much less any who would invite him to parties.

Even after discarding his original hard-line attitude, though, Chris still found opportunities to get a little preachy regarding the demon liquor. In [[Mailbag 33#Chris and the census|Mailbag 33]], from early [[January 2010]], he remarked, "And Alcohol; in Responsible, Moderate amounts, it can be good for you, yet I do not support Too Much of it, as if left unchecked, unresponsible or unassisted, too much can lead to fights that can lead to a trip to the hospital and automobile accidents." He also, in [[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag 5]], advanced the bizarre theory that drinking while pregnant "CAN PROVOKE [[homos]]exuality in the child."

In [[6 June 2010]], Chris revealed that he had been drinking at a bar before driving to the [[The GAMe PLACe]] and getting into a confrontation with a [[manajerk]].

Alcohol may be contributing to Chris' declining health. Since his decision to leave the Internet and instead seek real life interaction, Chris has revealed to us that he spent most of his day sitting in bars and playing on his Nintendo DSi. While he once claimed to be a "Social Drinker", it is becoming quite obvious that he is anything but. Christian's childlike perception of the world is most likely deafening his awareness to the substance's advancement of relevancy in his life. At this point, he may be turning to alcohol for escapism. "I went over to a bar, and I had a Bud. A bottle of Bud. And I p- and then I played some solitaire on my DS, while I- while I waited to the- uh, while I waited to the hour." In addition, Chris, being the [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]] that he is, is alleged to add raw sugar to his beer on a regular basis. Not only is this unnecessary, but may lead to [[Obesity|further]] [[Death|problems]] in the near future.

It is obvious that with Chris's current loneliness and depression, his alcohol use may yield repercussions in his life - and it did. In [[July 2016]], Chris, while thought to have been drunk and depressed over lack of progress on his gender transition, [[Un-clit 2.0|sliced open his taint with a knife]] to simulate the opening of a vagina.

Alcohol made another appearance in the [[Cherokean Chant]] performance, in which Chris states he had five swigs of vodka.

The [[Teen Troon Squad]], aged 18/19, tried to get Chris to buy them Reeb in 2018.

===Chandler family and alcohol===

It is interesting to note that [[Cole Smithey]] mentions that [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|met at a bar and acted like a couple of drunken losers]].

Chris's family line has a history with alcohol. Chris's maternal great-grandfather, Robert Pettis Wynn, "drank heavily and had a [[sweetheart|girlfriend]] during the time he was married. Family stories say [[Father Call|he failed to provide even the most basic support for his wife and children]] ...there are others who say he was a moonshiner."<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html</ref>

===In the comic===
[[Image:RealReeb.jpg|thumb|The official drink of [[Kick the Autistic]].]]
[[Image:4centgarbagereeb.jpg|thumb|left|A worker at [[4-cent_garbage.com]] downing a relaxing can of Reeb.]]

In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Chris refers to beer in all instances as "Reeb" which is just "Beer" spelled backwards. He probably thinks that this is very, very clever.

At first glance this seems odd, until you realize Chris still thinks Sonichu is targeted towards children (despite the graphic sex scene in issue 8, and frequent depictions of violent death), and so, he feels he must censor any mention of alcohol in the comic. This is a common theme in English-translated [[anime]] shows such as ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'' and ''[[Pokémon]]'', particularly those aimed at a younger audience.

Possessing or drinking alcohol was also one of the worst crimes to commit in [[CWCville]], and could have led to a $1,500 fine or ten years in prison<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> (the fact that Chris thinks that ten years in prison and a $1,500 fine are interchangeable is indicative of his broader attitude towards [[Chris and money|money]]). It is also interesting to note that this punishment is much more lenient than the CWCville penalty for [[homos|homosexuality]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|Mailbag 31]]</ref> And you thought Chris was intolerant.

Chris later said in his [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video that the prohibition had since been repealed.

"Reeb" is the drink of choice for the drunkards working at [[4-cent_garbage.com]]. It should also be noted that there really is a drink called Reeb; it's a Chinese beer produced in Shanghai, though it's doubtful that Chris knew about it.
{{clear}}

==Tobacco==
[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|"NO SMOKING" and "[[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]]", two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]].]]
[[File:465-CWCsStarCoilPot.JPG|thumb|Authentic CWC ashtray, perfect for launching at the Moon.]]
{{Quote|And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get [[Obesity|heart attacks]], [[14 Branchland Court|viruses]], and your life will be cut drastically short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "[[Star Wars|death sticks]]" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to [[the Moon]].|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref>}}

'''Tobacco''', called '''tobacky''' by Chris, is a recreational drug derived from ''Nicotiana'' plants. If Chris could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to [[the Moon]].

One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that she be "smoke-free".<ref>[[OkCupid]]</ref><ref>[[Dating profiles]]</ref><ref>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref><ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>

Given his flip-flopping regarding his hatred of [[alcohol]], it is uncertain whether Chris has ever smoked, although he did pretend to smoke a "peace pipe" for [[Jackie]].<ref>[[Wigwam]]</ref>

===Chris on tobacky===
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]

[[Image:CastleWily.png‎|thumb|The Tobacky Factory from Chris' nightmares, according to [[Troll]] Eyewitness reports.]]

In his famous [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|FUTURE MESSAGE]] of 24 February [[2007]], Chris expressed his wish for all tobacky to be shot to the Moon.

In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]] regarding a comment about [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], Chris said he was uncomfortable saying the word "tobacco".<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>

Chris's tobacky rocket plan was elaborated on in [[January 2009]]:
{{quote|[[Honor roll|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well]].|Chris<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>}}

Chris has also related a [[dreams|dream]] he once had regarding the risks posed by tobacco consumption:
{{Quote|I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, going through BURNING OVENS, coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.|Chris's cigarette nightmare<ref>[[Mailbag 39]]</ref>}}

Chris has stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years [imprisonment] or fifteen hundred dollar fine".<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008]]</ref> In short, importing cigarettes is worse than [[rape]], [[Sonichu (character)|theft]], [[Death threats|murder]], or even being a [[homo]] in [[CWCville]].

==Cannabis==
Chris seemed to have an even stronger hatred for [[Wikipedia:Cannabis (drug)|cannabis]] (marijuana, pot, weed, etc.), despite it being hailed as a possible [[autism]] treatment.<ref>[http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/autism-treatment-marijuana-madness-8763721]</ref> This is evidenced by the fact that, in CWCville, cigarette smokers are only given a US$1,500 fine, but those who simply possess weed are taken to a maximum security prison, the same place CWCville detains [[Mary Lee Walsh|terrorist leaders]], as was the fate of [[Kathleen]] in the [[Book10Replacement]].

Interestingly, the Jamaican war veteran [[Inos]] from the original [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] somehow managed to escape this sentence, instead being forced into a soup hotel by [[Ultra Sonichu]]. Dialogue indicates it was because Sonichu believed he was actually smoking tobacco, despite him being high as a kite, unintentionally revealing that Chris may believe tobacco and cannabis to be interchangeable. The fact that "wacky '''tobacky'''" was used as a name for cannabis back in the [[Bob Chandler|1940s and 50s]] further adds weight to this theory.

In true [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris hypocritical fashion]], it was revealed by [[Kim]] on [[Facebook]] that in [[July_2016_Facebook_posts#.22I.27m_not_on_drugs.21.22|July 2016]] Chris had tried smoking cannabis at [[OmegaCon]], and he was offered it at [[Impulse Gay Social Club|Impulse]] as well.

Chris confirmed that he did try weed a couple of times in a [[Twitter]] comment.

{{quote|Thanks; not totally my thing, that kind of high. The couple of times aside.|Chris.<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans]]</ref>}}

Under the influence of the [[Idea Guy]], Chris changed Sonichu's official birthday to 20 April, or "4/20", often celebrated as a stoner holiday. However, given the Idea Guy's [[Idea Guy#Nazi CWCville|apparent]] [[Smashing|obsession with]] [[Nazis]] and other offensive topics, this could also be a reference to the birthday of Adolf Hitler, or the date of the 1999 {{w|Columbine High School massacre}}.

In [[2018]], Chris smoked pot with the [[Teen Troon Squad]], hanging out at their house to partake.

==Other drugs==
===Caffeine===
Being an avid [[Coca-Cola]] drinker, Chris is no stranger to caffeine consumption (though he curiously denied using caffeine in the [[autism papers]]). His heavy soda consumption is likely to blame for his distorted [[biological clock|sleep patterns]].

===Hard drugs===
Chris has rarely spoken about hard drugs, such as LSD, ecstasy and methamphetamine.

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Things Chris once hated but now likes]]

Chris and writing

2015-03-16T09:18:12Z

DannWoolf:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''

Chris's writing shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses from the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Sometimes Chris would interrupt an action scene to introduce something that is completely irrelevant to its context.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref> Its overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet. As well, Chris has the habit of using the font Comic Sans to type, which is seen by many people as just plain lazy.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. He regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience.

=== Exposition ===
[[File:SchuComic10P3.jpg|thumb|If only there was some way that events and actions could be depicted visually, rather than as endless and tedious walls of Comic Sans.]]
[[File:SchuComic10P65.jpg|thumb|For fuck's sake.]]
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks. (The worst offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref> *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.) With those examples, it shows that the idea of onomatopoeia is lost to him. In those cases, examples including "SLICE", "THUMP", "WHOOSH" and, perhaps, "SQUEAK" would have told them same thing, but with a lot more emphasis on what's going on.

[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]

=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''

Chris's characters as they are written are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. In his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|second call with Alec Benson Leary]] Chris explained that because he considers all of his characters to be very much real, living things that exist in some sort of cartoon universe, giving them flaws would amount to tormenting a living creature (in the context of the conversation, Chris defended bleaching [[Asperchu]] into "Mitch Sonichu" because the character shouldn't have to suffer his original name). His main response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective. Including the [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|children]].

This in turn leads to only three basic stock personalities- all of the males are shallow bastards who are only interested in fucking and enforcing Comic-Chris's [[CWCville|draconian laws]], all of the females are shallow whores who only want to fuck, shop and cook (in that order, no less), and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic-Chris]] comes off as a murderous, insane dictator of a militaristic city-state enforced by a paramilitary secret police and a pack of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|super-powered goons]] with immunity from [[Chris and the Law|prosecution]] and freedom to commit any [[Sonichu 10|atrocities]] they ([[Gun Comic|and he]]) please, utilizing a [[Magi-Chan|psychic hedgehog]] to spy on his citizens to make sure there are no [[homos|gay people]], and gleefully revelling in the pain he inflicts on those whom he deems unworthy.

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating in exposition something akin to "it just happened." With [[Blake]], who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he "flips." His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] and an equally sudden mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. No reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''.

===Dialogue===
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because [[Chris|some people]] [[Autism|rarely get visual references]]."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialogue alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his [[Autism|total ineptitude with emotions]].

=== Plot and Drama ===
Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affects his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest.

Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even ''shorter'' and ''less climactic'' for the sake of emphasis.

Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A preview for a next issue tersely concludes the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to dismantling tension is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (with experienced ones instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point ''in his own comic''.

As you might guess, on top of everything else this makes the storyline for Sonichu '''unspeakably boring.'''

The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. Chris interjects new ideas very quickly and often with no real logic or progression just because they caught his fancy. There's absolutely no reason for Chris to suddenly be using Yu-Gi-Oh cards and terms in [[Sonichu 5]] except he was interested in them at the time he was writing it. There's no scene where Chris gets a magic deck of trading cards or anything to explain why he can suddenly cast spells. Likewise, as soon as Chris becomes uninterested in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed off-panel so that Chris can proceed to his newest internet girlf... ahem, plotline of interest. Other narrative threads (such as [[Megan Schroeder|Meg-chan]], [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] or [[Jiggliami]]) can be forgotten and abandoned entirely with, if the reader is lucky, a sentence or two tying up the loose end.

The comic's narrative is further clouded by the unsteady rate at which Chris updates along with his habit of occasionally working out of order. For example, Chris ends the last story in [[Sonichu 9]] with announcing that [[GodJesus]] had guided him to love with [[PandaHalo]] only to have God and Jesus suddenly introduce him to Ivy in the very next book with no explanation for why the Lord of Lords is backtracking on his dating advice to his favorite son.

When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the Time Void subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris ''almost'' removes himself for ''almost'' two issues, and when it ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.

=== Visual clarity ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appears to be [[Chris and Religion|Father Christmas and Chris with a beard.]]]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]

Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his comics clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote|I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for the romantic. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].

He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with odd terms (''Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?''<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>). Sometimes, these reaches don't even rhyme (''Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity.'')<ref>[[Saddest Heart in the World]]</ref>.

Not even the Bard of Avon is safe from Chris's fail. In [[Sub-Episode 3]], a famous line from ''[[wikipedia:Macbeth|Macbeth]]'' has a couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end (I shatter hearts as I please! I hurt them hard with the greatest of ease!<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_20 Issue 4 Page 20]</ref>), while [[Bubbles]] mutilates a line from the ''[[Wikipedia:The Tempest|The Tempest]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_95 Issue 8 Page 95] (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")</ref> Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

''[[Nintendo Power]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact. Here it would seem that Chris is unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience disapproval of peers that concerned him as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'', which presumed that his person and daily life were of inherent reader interest.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his ''News Dash!'' mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format. Instead, Chris stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting in an erratic and bizarre page layout.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]]
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Love Quest|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just another place for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.|Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

==Chris as an essayist==
{{Main|Manchester High Leaks}}

While in [[Manchester High School|high school]], Chris was persuaded to stop napping long enough to write [[Manchester High Leaks|several graded essays]]. The lessons he failed to learn from these experiences continue to influence his prose style. Chris's education in essay-writing seems to have been limited to the basic five-paragraph essay. Chris was trained to think of the intro paragraph as the "appetizer;" the body paragraphs, respectively, as "veggie," "potatoes/rice/pasta," and "meat;" and the conclusion as "dessert." With this sophisticated structural apparatus at his disposal, Chris's essays were naturally shallow. (In part this was a product of the assignment restrictions--his essay, "Work vs. Student Life," for example, was only 100 words long.) His history essay, "Japan, 1912-1949," which appears to be his first foray into the genre, lacks a clear thesis sentence, well-organized body paragraphs, or a meaningful conclusion. His teacher deemed it "very confusing & unclear." Another history essay, "Who was our best President?," does a better job of segregating main ideas within the three body paragraphs, but remains extremely rigid and rote. His "Canterbury Tales" essay has no real structure at all and simply retells one of Chaucer's morality tales in a rambling narrative. For this assignment he received only two out of ten points for "Clarity of Expression."

These limitations and oversights have carried over into what nonfiction writing Chris has done as an adult. Nearly all of his nonfiction prose has been autobiographical. The only real exception has been "Chris Chan’s Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future,"<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education CWCipedia article|CWCipedia]</ref>, his clarion call for [[Dating education|Dating Education]], which he submitted to a contest in 2009. Here there is no indication that Chris ever learned the basics of essay writing, with its buried thesis, its unsupported paragraphs, its idiosyncratic capitalization, and a frowny-face. Chris's essays about his favorite subject--himself--similarly show little regard for writing standards. "Story of My Current Days" has a thesis of sorts, but the body is simply a clumsily-structured retelling of events which Chris expects the reader to glean meaning from without any assistance from him. His much expanded [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|Wikipedia profile]] has a self-serving thesis and is helpfully carved into subheadings, but remains fluid and disjointed. The several essays he wrote for the [[Cwcipedia|Cwcipedia]] share the same first-draft problems of sentence-long paragraphs and an unappealing potpourri of boldface, italics, and capitalization.

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading voluntarily are paperback ''Goosebumps'' and ''Fear Street'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. In terms of the readings he was assigned at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High School]], Chris retained only a superficial understanding of them. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in high school. This was almost instantly proven false when he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'', another high school assignment. The [[Manchester High Leaks|high school essay]] he wrote about a selection from Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" earned only a 69%.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[CWC's Diary]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

Time Void

2015-03-07T16:01:14Z

DannWoolf:

[[Image:TimeVoid.jpg|center| OH GOD. I CAN SEE FOREVER! 8U]]

{{quote|He who fights with [[Trolls|monsters]] should look to it that he himself does not become a [[Sonichu|monster]]. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.|[[Wikipedia:Friedrich Nietzsche|Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''[[Wikipedia:Beyond Good and Evil|Beyond Good and Evil]]''}}

[[Image:CWCVoid02.jpg|thumb|Chris, being flung down the taut cavity of time.]]

The '''Time Void''' (also known as the Void of Time, [[LittleBigPlanet|Little PIG Blanket]], or the [[PSN#PlayStation Network|Playstation Network]]) is a plot device in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' canon]], devised by [[Chris]] as a method of stepping out of the comics.

==Gotta go back in time==
Chris, actually acknowledging the criticisms from [[trolls|fans]] that the ''Sonichu'' comic had become focused more on Chris and his [[Love Quest]] and less on the titular character who zaps to the extreme, decided to send his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic persona]] into a Time Void.
{{quote|In space, no one can hear you scream, in time you are heard to infinity..."|Inspirational comments by our autistic hero during CWC's ''time-out'' in the Void}}

'''Time Hogs'''

[[Image:CWCVoid01.jpg|thumb|Trippin' balls ''through time'']]

Enter [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - Two of the Sonichu Balls are activated during an adventure through the time stream which disrupts [[Magi-Chan]]'s shield, and exiles Chris from time. Sonichu and Magi-Chan realize Captain [[Chris and Fashion|Clownshirt]] is missing, but don't have any significant solutions to help him. Christian, meanwhile, attempts to sound sincere and empathetic while prattling on with his falsely-remorseful soliloquy in the Time Void. Narration reveals that the Void was in fact [[God]]'s "''twist of fate that would force me into a long, emotional, forced, stressful hiatus''"<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]</ref>

[[Image:CWCVoid03.jpg|thumb|Christian straining himself while attempting to decipher how other people's feelings are affected by his actions]]

==Wait, haven't I seen this before?==

A stripe-shirted goldbricker taken out of the storyline? It sounds familiar because ''it is''! This is essentially the same scenario as [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[Dark Mirror Hole]], and the fate of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]]. The difference in this situation is that, despite being stranded between time, Chris is able to deliver endless [[Autism|neurotic]] thought bubbles and has the ability to absorb the Sonichu balls (with an unknown result).

In appearance, the Void also shares a common design with the Dark Mirror Hole: a solid marker color. The Time Void gets a little more page space, but that's expected in order to fit all the words coming out of the autistic warrior's TRUE and HONEST mind.

==Impact==

Christian didn't quite leave the pages of his comic so quickly, and popped up in a backseat role:
* He attacks 4-cent_garbage.com employees during the [[Sonichu 8#The_Elevator_Gags|Elevator Gags of ''Sonichu'' #8]]
* He also appears through the [[Sonichu 9|power of GOD]] to seduce Ivy during [[Dating education|Date Ed]].

Note that these are simply self-indulgent cameos for the author. The Ivy encounter ''was'' intended to further the Love Quest sub-plot turned major story arc, although it's unlikely this will be revisited due to her [[Ivy|demise]].

[[Image:CWCLogo.png|left|Two 'C' quarters plus a 'W' quarter are equal to one full Dumbass]]

'''CWCVille at Large'''

[[Allison Amber]] acts as the Vice-Mayor, and carries out all of the mayoral duties of CWCville while Christian is ''persona in absentia''. Readers are not informed towards any civic news under Ms. Amber's tenure.

{{clear}}

[[Image:GiggitySchu.png|left|"Too bad the regular size ones break easily on my 7-incher"]]
'''The [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)|Hedgehog Boys]] (and Girls)''' 
Chris is basically forgotten by the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon so that they can focus on sex and dating. In addition, the fight sequences in Christian's absence no longer showcase the Jerkops. The presence of the Creator, however, is still conveyed even without an active role as he has his pussy whipped titular character ramble on with an incoherent bigoted screed in [[Sonichu 9#Episode 20|Episode 20]]. In other words, Sonichu goes back to serving as a Mary Sue proxy for Chris.
{{clear}}

==Return from the Void==
[[Image:NextBookVoid.jpg|center|*Sound of crickets chirping*]]
<div align="center">''Sure, whatever you say.''</div>

Chris explains that he returned from the Different Dimension on 08 [[August 2008]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Billy_mays Billy Mays article on CWCipedia]</ref> - but this doesn't make sense ('''SURPRISE!''') since it would mean he has been back in CWCVille, as mayor, for at least a year. It was previously hinted that CWC would be returning for the end of "first season" (For [[Sonichu 9]]), and is still featured as Chris-Chan Sonichu in the preview for [[Sonichu_10|Issue 10]].

The question remains, "How does he escape the Time Void?".

{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and a transformation later...|Chris pulling himself out of the Void for no real reason}}

In an anti-climatic move and almost as an after-thought, Chris pulls himself out of the Void with the help of [[Magi-Chan]], [[Wild Sonichu]] and his vine whip power. During the epilogue, both Pokémon just happen to walk nearby the void, which appears right out of the blue, and they decide to rescue their "Master". Magi-Chan uses Wild Sonichu's whip as a safety cord and jumps in the Time Void's [[dirty crapped briefs|loose "Sphincter"]]. After many unexplained adventures lasting less than a whole minute, Chris is finally released from the grip of the Time Void's bowels.<ref>[[Sonichu 9|Sonichu Issue 9]]</ref> This page is followed by another claiming that, from now on, he will be able to tell more stories of ([[Chris and his Ego|himself and]]) Sonichu and Rosechu.

'''...Wait, there's more!'''
{{quote|She mistook me for myself and we went home. I was late getting home from work that night, so Lovely and I did the do and it was awesome!|Chris lying to his own wife in the future for a shag.}}

As if this wasn't enough, Chris seems to have exited the Time Void, by himself, in 2015. Over there, he took part of a "Medical Study". We are sure that said research wasn't in the field of behavioral studies or psycho-pathologies, since Chris came back just as twisted as when he left. When he was on the future, he lied to his own future wife, the "Lovely and Hot" [[Lovely Weather]] (an unfortunate woman with an equally unfortunate name) by passing himself for his own Future-Self. Hidden behind this lie, he seduced her and had sexual intercourse with her. Unaware of the [[rape|ethical issues]] related to lying to his own future wife for sex, he merely called it awesome.<ref>[[Sonichu 10]]</ref>

In short: Chris was stuck in the Time Void except for raping his future wife behind the back of his own future-self or punching an employee of 4-Cent_garbage for making a caricature of him.

==See also==
*[[Dark Mirror Hole]]

==References==
<references />
{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Chris and television

2015-02-28T14:21:11Z

DannWoolf:

[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Sonichu]], coming soon on ''[[Family Guy]]''.]]
{{Quote|I Watch TOO MUCH FUCKING TELEVISION!!!|Chris, being surprisingly [[TRUE and HONEST]].<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

'''Television''' is a widely-used telecommunication medium for transmitting and receiving moving images, and a staple in almost all North American homes. It's also one of the favorite pastimes of our [[Chris|mutual friend]]. Indeed, when not "[[Fridays After Five|socializing]]", [[recycling]], or playing [[vidya]], it's a fairly safe bet Chris is sitting down and watching TV. [[Chris and health|Lots and lots of TV]].

Chris gets most of his information concerning the outside world through TV, among other entertainment media. This leads to blatantly ripping off concepts and characters from whatever he watches.

== Taste in TV ==
[[Image:Notthebathroom.jpg|thumb|A [[Ghostbusters|"classic" children's show]]]]
[[Image:Howells.jpg|thumb|Chris enjoys [[Gilligan's Island|ancient sitcoms]] thanks to his parents]]

Most of Chris's television staples are fairly predictable. A bland mush of animation and [[random-access humor]] is rampant, with almost all of Seth McFarlane's creations (''[[Family Guy]]'', ''American Dad!'', ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'') holding his attention for hours. Indeed, Chris is such a devotee to this generic comedy that he bought [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|tons of their episodes]] via the [[PlayStation Network], for a sizable amount of [[money]]. [[Adult Swim]] is another big favorite of our autistic hero, and he even entered [[Harvey Birdman commercial|one of their contests]], and [[Adult Swim posts#Chris on his Harvey Birdman contest entry (April 2005)|raged when he didn't win]].

[[Anime]] is another area where Chris's choices are very transparent. ''[[Wikipedia:Shuffle!|Shuffle!]]'' is essentially a tale of a somewhat unlikable guy [[Women's rights|suddenly being accosted by several obedient and attractive females]]. ''[[Wikipedia:Gunslinger Girl|Gunslinger Girl]]'' is essentially a slightly [[Pedofork|unnerving]] bit of softcore eroticism. ''[[Excel Saga]]'' is generally regarded favorably, but is chock-full of in-jokes and [[parody]], things that Chris can't understand but is eager to copy.

Certain bizarre choices do stick out, however. ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'' has been [[CWCFlyingElephants|brought up]] or '[[Merried Seinor Comic|referenced]]' several times, along with [[Some Favored Comedians|comedian]] [[Red Skelton]], and ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. The former feature's absurdity probably piqued Chris's interest, while the final two are probably an offshoot of [[Borb|his decrepit parents]].

Chris has also shown an affinity for some darker movies, the most jarring being the ''[[Saw]]'' series. He rarely mentions the movies, though it's possible their influence led to the events of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where the [[Asperpedia Four]] were executed via elaborate death traps...well, elaborate by [[Autism|Chris's standards]].

Mods Chris uploaded to ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' indicates he's a fan of the raunchy cartoon series ''[[Wikipedia:Drawn Together|Drawn Together]]'', for [[Mass debating|obvious reasons]].
{{-}}

== Netflix ==
{{main|Netflix}}

Chris uses Netflix to satisfy his TV watching needs instantaneously, enabling him to reach a near-comatose state of mental saturation. Put in more practical terms, he spent more than ''six hours'' watching ''Keeping Up Appearances'' and ''[[South Park]]'' in a single day. Twice. In terms of averages, Chris watches roughly three hours of television a day, at least for the week viewed.<ref>[[Netflix#Queues on 21 November 2009]]</ref>

The huge selection and 'Instant Watch' feature, combined with Chris's need to whack, has led to some interesting choices in film. To date, he has rented ''[[Wikipedia:Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy|Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy]]'', ''Story of O'', ''[[Virgin]]'', and many more titles with sexual names and/or posters. Considering Netflix doesn't deal in porn, he's wasting his time. Other than these porno hunts and impulse rentals, Chris is pretty much interested in only two types of three types of programs; adult cartoons, British sitcoms, comedy, displaying a remarkably narrow range of interests. The only movie that really stands out in his selections is ''[[Vamprosa|Twilight]]''.

Netflix has also allowed him easier access to the cartoons of his childhood, ''[[Transformers]]'' and ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'' being the most prominent. The apparent binge of ''Transformers''-related television may have been the "[[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]]" behind [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan the Sitcom
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4MEcrWM0y5g}}
| Stardate = 27 [[April 2010]]
| Maker = MycalFelps
| Subject = {{Television|text}}
}}

==See also==
*[[Fandoms]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris and video games

2015-02-24T12:20:36Z

DannWoolf:

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|And [[Bob Chandler|Christian's father]] says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game, and then...move onto another! I can't master any of them.|A TV anchorwoman on a younger Chris winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game console once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

In case you didn't know, [[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] and [[Chris and sex|give him her]] [[china]]. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he will admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[Autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. [[Chris and reality|Reality isn't quite as simple]], which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==
Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly [[Virgin|700 different game titles across 19 different platforms.]] (He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the mail-order rental service GameFly until [[August 2010]].

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console; however, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for--there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video-game-related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty-dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games ''(racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years[[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/]](or 150 payments a year. This list includes useless shovelware, virtual console games, and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he doesn't even like.]] Of these, 276 purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles(''buying '''4''' DSs and DSi consoles''), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind 39% of purchases Chris has on his account (such as Skylanders figures, ammibos, and his Wii U Virtual Console purchases) are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high number. Apparently, his main attention and [[Nintendo Power Magazine|fanboyism]] has shifted from PlayStation back to Nintendo, for unknown reasons.

This leak also revealed that Chris plays almost every game demo available on the eShop, Nintendo's online downloadable video game store, even if he has no interest in said game. This leak also confirmed he had bought every single [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game and primary [[Pokémon]] RPG, proving that he is still a major fanboy of [[Sonichu (comic)|both franchises]], and also confirmed that he still makes many purchases multiple times over for no apparent reason, such as of Wario's Woods.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available--what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around--Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene and indie productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other quirky, offbeat games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to be a connoisseur of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely-common or extremely-shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning. This habit seems to be picked up from [[Barbara]], and continues to this day in the form of eShop shovelware and virtual console downloads.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

Despite being obsessed with Pokemon, he's not a hardcore Nintendo fan as some might suspect. He never seems to show interest in the latest content from Nintendo, and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (such as games from the ''Metroid'', ''The Legend of Zelda'' and ''Mario'' franchises) are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks.

However, a January 2014 leak by a Nintendo Employee revealed that Chris had, in fact, returned to his [[Nintendo|Nintendo]] roots, buying nearly every single game on the eShop.

He owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that "Sports titles do not really thrill me," although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. "Hardcore" games aimed at "adults" are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile and loathsome [[HEXBox]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Video games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the GameCube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. His feelings changed when he bought a PS1 at a "rummage sale" for cheap, intending to resell it elsewhere for profit, but instead played it and found it wasn't bad.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref> One would expect this to be a lesson against nonsensical [[Chris and brand loyalty|brand loyalty]], but instead Chris just focused his hatred on Microsoft instead. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

Today, as of [[January 2015]], he is now a hardcore [[Nintendo]] fan at Sony's expense, as revealed by a recent leak by a TRUE AND HONEST [[Nintendo]] employee [http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/].

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with Megan's quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply colossal. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Grind Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"), even though he could easily check and see that he can't play his copy of Little Big Planet in his Wii, although he is either too lazy, or is afraid of having [[14 Branchland Court|his house]] raided by [[jerkop]]s.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, of which we can only see in science fiction currently.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's video games]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Club Nintendo]]
* [[Fandoms]]
* [[PlayStation 3]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Family Guy

2015-02-11T11:32:32Z

DannWoolf: /* Influence on Chris */

[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

'''''[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Family Guy]]''''' is an animated sitcom that debuted in Fox in [[1999]], but was eventually cancelled in [[2002]] due to poor ratings and for initially being considered a sub-par rip-off of ''[[The Simpsons]]''. However, the show's ratings increased after [[Adult Swim]] picked up reruns in [[2003]], and the popularity that ensued led to Fox reviving the show in [[2005]], where it continues to this day. It is known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references and cutaway gags, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|rips it off]] so much in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]], much like the show rips off everything else.

==Influence on Chris==
Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least "borrowing") themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

The specific scene which Chris referenced depicted [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin|Stewie]] quoting [[Wikipedia:the Bible|the Bible]] to prove that [[Wikipedia:gay marriage|Gay marriage]] is wrong, the joke being twofold; Stewie himself is ambiguously [[Homos|gay]], making his quoting of the Bible [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and, as pointed out by [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]], he is too infantile to properly contextualise Biblical scripture, a dig at ''precisely'' the sort of [[Chris and religion|brainless Bible-thumping]] Chris exhibits. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

===In ''Sonichu''===
The series is the "inspiration" for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and contained the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]. Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his "skitch" in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, poorly drawn, boring shit on his own.

[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] featured the line "Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'" as an apparent example of dirty talk; in "[[Wikipedia:Emission Impossible|Emission Impossible]]" "Insert rod support A into slot B," was an example of awful innuendo. Meanwhile, [[Bubbles Rosechu]] asks [[Blake]] what he wished for and he says "It's already come true"; this could be directly from [[Wikipedia:Sixteen Candles|''Sixteen Candles'']], but could also be from the [[parody]] of this scene in ''Family Guy''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s "[[Wikipedia:PTV (Family Guy)|PTV]]".

The "Spring Break" plotline also owes a lot to Meg and Lois's story in "[[Wikipedia:A Fish out of Water (Family Guy)|A Fish out of Water]]", including the bit where every channel is showing Spring Break, even the news channels.

The "[[homos|gay]] vaccine" storyline from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' 10]] was partially inspired by the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]", where Peter becomes gay after being injected with the gay gene.<ref>[[Kacey Call 16]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Chris copies the line "I'm the virgin Mary; that's my story and I'm sticking to it," from "[[Wikipedia:A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas|A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas]]."

==Chris and Meg==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]

{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on ''Family Guy'']</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009.]]

Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as [[obesity|fat]], unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his drawings.

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. It turns out that Meg is [[Silvana Rosechu]], an evil hermaphrodite furfag, in disguise. When accused of being a [[pedofork]] (Meg is 17), Chris retorted "SHE PUSHED HERSELF ONTO ME!"<ref>[[Mailbag 37]]</ref>

Chris also wrote about her in [[Mailbag 20]]:
{{quote|She has a fun and sweet personality; she is very pretty; she is smart; what is there NOT to like about her? Nothing from my point of view.}}
==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give Megan more respect, because she [[Chris and writing|IS VERY BEATIFUL]] in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
[[File:FamilyGuyChris.JPG|thumb|Chris's own sketch in a ''Family Guy''-style.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the {{CWCipedia link|Family Guy|plot he posted}} on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two]] [[S-Chu Ball]]s, toss them and release [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

Chris also described the plot in his [[9 December 2009]] C-Log; basically the same, except that it was an anime con.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos]]exuality, his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]] and issues with the plot that only someone with [[autism]] would notice. Also, the tower incident that Chris is referring to takes place in the ''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story''. However, Chris is wrong about it causing Stewie to be straight. This is because it is pretty obviously hinted in this movie that he is gay, as he is a virgin at 30, still shows very flamboyant tendencies and is very reluctant to have sex with a woman.

Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

*''"Megan does not deserve [[Kick the Autistic|the abuse]] she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!"''

*''"Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up [[Straight]]."''

*''"[[Wikipedia:Chris Griffin|Chris]] finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 6)|Season 6]], Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in [[Wikipedia:Family Guy (season 7)|Season 7]]?"''

*''"While I can see [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brain]] looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?"''

*''"In "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to Multiverse]]", in the "[[Wikipedia:Robot Chicken|Robot Chicken]]" Universe, Stewie asks [[Wikipedia:Seth Green|Seth Greene]] through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my [[PS3]], [[Autism|the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total]], and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some."''

*Chris wants American Dad to have "[[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Haley]]" in more episodes.

*He does not care for all the [[pickle|dick]] jokes in ''The Cleveland Show''.

==Other mentions==
Chris recycles ''Family Guy'' jokes at every opportunity, usually so out-of-context that they make no sense.

*In [[CWC's Second Message]], he was angry that people were saying he was a [[pedofork]], like [[Wikipedia:Herbert (Family Guy)|Herbert]].
*Chris said "SHAZZAM!" when [[Vanessa AIM Chat 2|cybering with "Vanessa Hudgens"]], a joke borrowed from "[[Wikipedia:The Perfect Castaway|The Perfect Castaway]]" and "[[Wikipedia:Fifteen Minutes of Shame|Fifteen Minutes of Shame]]."
*Chris constantly described ''[[Asperchu]]'' as "blocky" and "low-resolution"<ref>[[Mailbag 41]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 43]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 45]]</ref>, which is taken from "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]."
*In [[Rollin' and Trollin']], Chris called [[Obama]] "a regular stand-up family guy."
*In [[Kacey Call 11]], Chris talks about how he hated finding out that Stewie is gay. He also claimed that ''Family Guy'' was temporarily cancelled in 2002 because everyone was "distracted" by [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]], even though it had already been temporarily cancelled in 2000 due to low ratings, and they hadn't been getting any better in 2001.
*Chris's [[A Public Announcement for Congress|Public Announcement for Congress]] segues into the theme tune of [[Wikipedia:The Facts of Life (TV series)|''The Facts of Life'']], a joke taken from "[[Wikipedia:Running Mates (Family Guy)|Running Mates]]."
*In [[Kacey Call 22]], Chris told her that he ignores it, or turns down the volume, when Stewie acts gay or when pro-homo scenes appear in ''Family Guy''.
*The story [[JenkinsJinkies]] told about his [[Trollin Train|gay experience]] at camp was allegedly inspired by Peter's parrot squawking "I had a gay experience at camp!" in "[[Wikipedia:Long John Peter|Long John Peter]]".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref><ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>
*In [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora]], Chris sings the fart song from "[[Wikipedia:The Man with Two Brians|The Man with Two Brians]]."
*Chris's knowledge of [[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormonism]] is mainly derived from "[[Wikipedia:The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz|The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz]]."<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>
*Chris has referred to his obesity as a "[[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha]] belly"; this is probably taken from "[[Wikipedia:To Love and Die in Dixie|To Love and Die in Dixie]]."
*Chris sang "[[Wikipedia:Never Gonna Give You Up|Never Gonna Give You Up]]" in [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]] - he doesn't seem to link it to [[Wikipedia:Rickrolling|Rickrolling]] and probably knew it from "[[Wikipedia:Meet the Quagmires|Meet the Quagmires]]".
*Chris imitated Peter (horribly) when talking to [[Clyde Cash]] in [[Mumble 4]]: ''"Hey listen, Peter Griffin, he's a family guy and he's [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] and yet look at his life!"''
* Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].<ref>[[Father Call]], [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], [[sports bra]]</ref>
*When [[100 2266|acting as the Grimace]], Chris said that Grimace is [[autistic]], which he took from a throwaway line in "[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears|Prick Up Your Ears]]."
*In [[Mailbag 25#This is perhaps the worst advice Chris has ever given|Mailbag 25]] Chris gives some awful relationship advice which seems to have been inspired by the Family Guy episdoe "[[Wikipedia:Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey|Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey]]".
*The video [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris reenacting a scene shown in the episode ''"Stew-Roids"'', where Chris Griffin is exposed doing the exact same routine.

==Other MacFarlane shows==
[[File:Seth.PNG|300px|right]]
===''American Dad!''===
''[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|American Dad!]]'' is another MacFarlane series, again based around a single family. Unlike the two other MacFarlane shows (and countless others before them), main character [[Wikipedia:Stan Smith (American Dad!)|Stan Smith]] actually manages not to be a fat loser, being in decent physical shape and coming across as reasonably intelligent, albeit with poor judgement which is further clouded by his hard-right political views. Not surprisingly, this is the MacFarlane show that Chris appears to pay the least attention to, though he does appear to be somewhat of a fan. Chris stated on the [[CWCipedia]] that "There should be More Stories starring Haley." [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley Smith]] is the left-wing daughter of Stan Smith. Doubtless Chris wanted more Hayley stories, not due to his love of marijuana jokes or the Democrats, but because he thought she was sexy.

===''The Cleveland Show''===
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|one of his Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[Creepy stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox Network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, an episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the Internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100 2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of ''The Cleveland Show'' and performed a terrible rendition of the show's theme tune. He spent $30 on this set, much to [[Jackie]]'s chagrin.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

Sadly, Chris's seal of approval did nothing to help the show's fortunes, and it was cancelled in May 2013. Chris does not appear to have commented on the show's demise, suggesting that even he had stopped caring by this point.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with [[Wikipedia:Peter Griffin|Peter Griffin]]
* ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
* ''[[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
* ''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2015-02-10T16:50:15Z

DannWoolf:

{{quote|You're all just immature, naive, condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[Autism|autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[Chris and his ego|ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his thirties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== Work ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J.K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

===Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

=== Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Re:_Coming_out_to_my_parents]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu]] complaining about fan fiction.<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Facebook#Mimms]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even to the time of this writing, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

=== Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
{{quote|He sets me on fire!|Chris<ref>Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke</ref>}}
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

===Women===
{{quote|Well-Informed to Expert in sex|Chris's standard for a woman he would date.<ref>[[Early_Facebook_Posts#What_I_am_looking_for_in_a_woman]]</ref>}}
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

===Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

=== Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Even though Chris, since [[Bob]]'s death, has not uploaded any videos, he still uses the internet, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

===Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>Kacey Call 1</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

===Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]
{{quote| I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face.|Chris, complaining about homosexuals on a [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|forum for cross dressers]].<ref>Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia</ref>}}
When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat." He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people--during his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile," adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===

In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games--naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

List of places that have banned Chris

2015-01-05T15:36:19Z

DannWoolf: /* Flipnote Hatena */

[[Image:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|Weapon of choice.]]

Although he is a grown adult (at least physically), [[Chris]] is not above [[Chris and anger|throwing tantrums]] and generally being a nuisance in public places. Because of his obnoxious behavior, Chris has been either temporarily or permanently '''banned''' from many places.

==Shops==

===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}

According to [[Mimms]], Chris has been banned twice. The first time, which was temporary, was when Chris attempted to get something from the back without permission. [[Michael Snyder]] issued a final permaban on 28 August [[2008]], after Chris got confrontational with a [[niggos|black]] child, but even this failed to keep Chris away from the store. Following the events of the [[28 October 2011|October 28th incident]], Chris is now definitively banned by court order from ever re-entering the store.

===Charlottesville Fashion Square===
{{main|Charlottesville Fashion Square}}

Chris was busted twice here, once for loitering and again for shouting in public. The second incident may or may not have been Chris's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shout upon learning [[Hanna]] was [[troll]]ing him. He was banned for a year, but the ban has since expired. On 28 [[April 2012]], it's revealed he was banned again, this time from arguing with trolls loudly on his phone.

===Wal-Mart===
{{main|Mal-Wart}}

Chris was twice kicked out of Wal-Mart. On 23 June [[2005]], the [[Niggos|African-American]] manager of the store's [[McDonald's]] (depicted as the [[B-Manajerk]] by Chris in the comics) attempted to arrest Chris for loitering, but his own fast thinking and hiding his Attraction Sign (which got him in trouble in the first place) ended up with him removed from the restaurant for the rest of the day (or so he says). The actual banning came two days later, 25 June, when Chris returned and attempted to loiter again. Both managers for McDonald's and Wal-Mart confronted Chris, but Chris refused to listen to the managers, ran off and nearly ran ''over'' one of them. In late [[2009]], he returned to Wal-Mart, forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]].

Proving he learns nothing, Chris was again banned in September [[2013]] after vandalizing an XBox One sign to read "[[HEXbox]] One," according to his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris_Expresses_His_Outrage_for_Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]]. In the ensuing Facebook posts, he blames almost everyone else but himself for the ban, including [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his defense attorney [[Rob Bell]].

===Target===
{{main|Get-Tar Region}}

On 20 July 2005 (almost a month after Chris's incident over at Wal-Mart), he attempted to loiter at a newly-built Target, intending on exploiting their free soda refill deal while he tried to get boyfriend-free girls. According to [[Emily]], Chris was approached by management and asked to leave, but he refused. When the issue was pressed, he insulted them and forced them to call the cops. When they did, Chris tried to run, forcing them to tackle, hogtie and handcuff him. All this on the store's opening week!

===GameStop===
Chirs was already banned from his local GameStop (according to the staff, he's done this before) when, on [[26 December 2014]], he came [[Honor roll|"disguised"]] in a pair of [[My Little Pony]] [[Chris and fashion|novelty sunglasses]], and attempted to vandalise the store's ''Sonic Boom'' display. It's unknown if he succeeded before being recognised by staff. He eventually left, but not before assaulting one of the employees by spraying him in the eyes with pepper spray, [[Chris and the law|which is a ''felony''.]]

==Websites==

===deviantART===
{{main|deviantART}}

Chris has twice been banned from deviantART. Both times were for the same reason: sexual imagery without using the proper mature content filters. The first time was around [[May 2009]], most likely due to the imagery from [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]; the second was August 28, 2009, due to the infamous cameltoe scene in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and the sex scene between [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===YouTube===
{{main|YouTube}}
Chris abandoned many of his accounts after troll attacks. One of his accounts, CChanSonichu, was suspended because of [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting videos]] he posted in tandem on 10 [[July 2009]].

===Wikipedia===
{{main|Wikipedia}}

On 1 May 2009, Chris created an account on Wikipedia, hoping to show his side to his life story, one that wasn't "smeared" by trolls. It was deleted soon afterward for violating Wikipedia's policy on userpages and notability. When he attempted to contest this course of action, his user account was indefinitely blocked (although the blocking admin actually believed it to be a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sockpuppet_%28Internet%29 sockpuppet] of a troll and not the genuine article). As of now, the article name "Christian Weston Chandler" has been "salted" to prevent it from ever being recreated.

===Flipnote Hatena===
{{main|Flipnote Hatena}}

After uploading and re-uploading numerous flipnotes that violated the rules of the family-friendly Flipnote Hatena site, the moderators banned him permanently from uploading flipnotes on 2 [[July 2010]]. Chris has since evaded his ban. Flipnote Hatena shut down in May 31, 2013, but Flipnote Studio 3D is apparently on the way. Time will tell if Chris manages to get banned from that as well.

===eBay===
{{main|Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing}}

Chris has attempted to sell the [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing]] on [[eBay]] since [[June 2014|the first of June]]. Time and again, however, the listing for the picture was taken down, either as a result of [[Troll]] involvement, the listing expiring (the asking price of thousands of dollars not helping in that respect), or in true Chris fashion, breaking the terms of services on eBay by asking for offers on Facebook. This would culminate in a three-day ban from eBay on June 8th 2014. Chris, being incapable of taking "no" for an answer, stated his intention to put the picture back up for sale again the minute the ban expires.

On June 12, Chris reposted the listing, only for eBay to give him ''another'' ban. When his second ban expired, he reposted a heavily-edited version of the posting, although still possible violating several of eBay's terms again. A third strike against Chris's tarnished eBay name is expected. Only time will tell if the world's largest online vendor will be added to the list of places that kicks Chris out and never lets him back in.

==Organizations==

===The Cub Scouts===

Chris stated in part 4 of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] that he was kicked out of the "[[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Wolf Cub Scouts]]" in the late [[1980s]] because he was autistic. Undoubtedly, it was for something he did that he didn't tell us about. His commentary suggests that he routinely angered his Den Mother with his illogical behavior and that he believes this to be the reason he is banned. In [[Mailbag 18#Instead the courts were on the side of justice|a Mailbag]], Chris revealed that his parents tried to sue the Boy Scouts of America over this incident.

===Piedmont Virginia Community College===
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

Two incidents occurred here. The first occurred on Chris's 21st [[birthday]], 24 February [[2003]]. Chris originally blamed the incident on him having an outburst when he was kicked out of a class after telling a male professor that he, like the main character in a story they were learning about, was autistic. According to [[Emily]], however, it turns out that he was kicked out because of his homophobic tendencies causing him to say something derogatory. In either case, Chris started his [[Love Quest]] this day.

The second incident occurred when, in mid-October [[2003]], Dean of Student Services [[Mary Lee Walsh]] spotted Chris and his [[Attraction Sign]] and took it away, criticizing Chris for his actions, as she believed he was trying to solicit sex on campus. When Walsh destroyed a second sign, Chris [[Chris and anger|raged]] and went on the offensive. This incident lead to her banning Chris for a year, forcing him to see a [[Autism papers|psychiatrist]] and go to anger management classes (neither of which seems to have helped).

===Grace Baptist Church===
{{main|Grace Baptist Church}}

Chris was banned from his old church in [[2008]]. He claimed in an email with [[lordsillynipples]], "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[ED]] page." Later, in [[Mailbag 14]], he claimed it was because "The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of [[Women's rights|women in bikinis]] on my [[Facebook]]; he was offended." Going by his frequent threats to use his new congregation as a personal army, it is not unlikely that Chris was booted out of the church when he linked his pastor to his ED page in the hope that Mr. Hartless would incite the congregation into raiding the ED page for Chris.

===Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church===
{{main|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church}}

A [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] leaked on 30 March 2013 revealed that some time between [[July 2011]] and [[March 2013]], Chris had earned himself a temporary ban from Wesley Methodist, probably because he had repeatedly (and annoyingly) aired his endless grievances about [[trolls]] during the homily.

{{quote|I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced.|Chris, on how his own church is now playing [[Kick the Autistic]]}}

{{Lists}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Sonic the Hedgehog

2014-11-25T10:54:17Z

DannWoolf:

{{quote|[I] looked up to Sonic the Hedgehog as my lifelong hero, because he's not only quck in the feet, but also [[Slow-in-the-minds|in the head]].|[[Christian Weston Chandler]]<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 20]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Sanek.png|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sonic
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'3" (100 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 77 lbs (35 kg)
|-
| '''Species'''
| Hedgehog
|-
|}
'''Sonic the Hedgehog''' is a fictional character that was created by [[Video games|Sega]] in order to serve as their main mascot (replacing [[Wikipedia:Alex Kidd|Alex Kidd]]), as well as to compete against [[Nintendo]]'s Mario. He is also one of the primary characters from which the beloved [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] draws inspiration.

Chris claims that Sonic has been his "life long hero"<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPv7MqvrDK0&feature=player_embedded#!</ref> since June [[1990]][''sic'']<ref>''Sonic the Hedgehog'' wasn't released until June [[1991]] - see [[Wikipedia:Sonic_the_Hedgehog_(video_game)|here]]. Interestingly, this is also a question on Chris's [[Quizzes#Sonic_the_Hedgehog_History|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' MyBuzz quiz]] which Chris assigns the right answer of June 1991.</ref>, replacing [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|The American Rabbit]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref> Chris's transformation into a [[Tomgirl Saga|Tomgirl]] (circa [[March 2011]]<ref>Chris changed his PSN quote to [[:File:I am tomgirl.jpg|"I am Tomgirl"]] on 30 March 2011, meaning that he did not became a transvestite in any latter date.</ref>) has not diminished his loyalty to Sonic, as can be seen in his [[Facebook#Sega Mascot Contest|29 April 2013 Facebook note]].

==History==
Chris likely first learned about Sonic from a magazine promotion of the series from late 1990, involving the basic plot of Sonic running around to defeat [[Doctor Robotnik]], who was portrayed as a [[Obesity|plump]], [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]] man who would endeavor to conquer Mobius and destroy Sonic, failing spectacularly each time. A show based on the games called [[Wikipedia:Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog|''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'']] was promoted via a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|contest]], with the grand prize being a [[Chris and money|$1,000 video game shopping spree]]. Chris was one of the two winners of the shopping spree and was featured in a news story about the contest, one of the biggest moments (if not ''the'' biggest moment) in his early life, spreading its influence far and wide, from his decisions to enter contests (cf. [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]], [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|''Harvey Birdman'' Commercial]], [[Pixelated PS3]]) to the eventual creation of [[Sonichu]]. Chris's loyalty was so strong that he was visibly upset when told by bullies that Sonic was dead.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 9|Jackie Chat #9]]</ref>

==Sonic Boom protests==
In [[August 2014]], Chris announced he was boycotting the TV and video game series ''Sonic Boom''... all because of the fact that they changed the color of Sonic's arms from a flesh color to blue. Yes, not because of the sheer poor quality of the games in the series (mostly ''Rise of Lyric''), but because of a minor color change. Chris claims that this "U-turn" in design has caused him to "literally lose a bunch of sleep and peace of mind". This was later enforced in [[October 2014|October]] when he posted two photos of himself holding up a Sonic doll with a grim face. Note that ''Sonic Boom'' is not canon and the color change is not permanent at all. It is also worth mentioning that even Chris's '''[[white knight|white knights]]''', including [[William Elliott Waterman]], called him out for abusive overreacting instead of defending him, the number of which continues to grow throughout [[November 2014]].

On 17 November, in a post to the Facebook group ''Keep Sonic Original'', Chris revealed that his [[tard rage]] extended to getting into a dispute with several "Blue Arm Promoters" (The "security" [[janekop]] and the [[manajerk]]) at the [[Charlottesville]] Target. The focus of Chris's debate was the "Sensory Overloading of the Blue Arms" and how the Target store should NOT stock games based on popular demand, instead based on Chris's specifications. Although Chris claims that the discussion ended peacefully he still went on to encourage the people of ''Keep Sonic Original'' to help their noble cause by harassing the two janekops involved into sending their ''Sonic Boom'' stock back to the manufacturers.

==Role in the comics==
Sonic first appears in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] as Super Sonic battling the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] in [[Station Square]]. Whilst battling him, a [[Pikachu]] comes to fight Perfect Chaos and is tackled by Sonic. The power of the Chaos Emeralds mutates said Pikachu into [[Sonichu]], who then defeats Perfect Chaos.

[[Sonichu 1|In the following issue]], he crashes into Sonichu again. After recognizing each other, they team up in order to rescue [[Rosechu]] from the clutches of [[Black Sonichu]].

Other than being the catalyst for the creation of Sonichu and teaming up with him in the second issue, Sonic serves no other purpose. He disappears after issue #1, never mentioned again until [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], where [[Robbie]] sickeningly refers to him as "Uncle Sonic".

===Tails's lack of a role in the comics===
'''Miles "Tails" Prower''' is Sonic's sidekick, and has been in the franchise since [[Wikipedia:Sonic The Hedgehog 2|''Sonic the Hedgehog II'']] was released in [[1992]] for the [[Wikipedia:Sega Genesis|Sega Genesis]]. He has been featured in almost every form of ''Sonic''-related media such as cartoons, anime, and comic books. As such, many have been perplexed on why neither he nor an idiot ripoff (likely named "Prowerlo Sonichu") has had a role in ''Sonichu''. An orange character who's probably meant to be Tails can be seen in the background of a [[Scrapbook]] [[:Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|drawing of Sonic and Sonichu]] and he is also briefly featured in a fancomic [[PandaHalo]] made and Chris added to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but other than that neither Tails nor a recolor of him appear in the Sonichu universe.
[[Image:0860-Cwcville9.JPG|thumb|He did make a [[Lego]] version of Tails.]]
Chris has refused to include Tails in his comics, despite ripping off Knuckles and Shadow and featuring an [[Transformers|Autobot]] named "[[Prower]]". Contrary to what some believe, it is not likely Tails was omitted because of the rumors (made by [[BlueSpike|thirteen-year-olds]] on [[GameFAQs]] and Newgrounds) that Sonic and Tails were a [[homos|gay]] couple. Chris said that "I just did not feel need for a Tails-like Character in the stories. I disagree with all the rumors against Tails; if you read the [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comics)|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Comic Book Series]] from Archie Comics, Tails gets a Girlfriend."<ref>[[Mailbag_21#Why no Tails?|Mailbag #21]]</ref> He later claims that he "did not feel it appropriate for Tails to be in my comic."<ref>[[Mailbag_38#Chris is an expert matchmaker|Mailbag #38]]</ref>
Despite this, Chris ''did'' create two Tails-like [[Pokémon]] named Evails and Supreon (an evolution of the former), though they only appeared on the [[Wall of Originals]]. Tails also gets a mention in "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", a Sonichu short story which predates the comics.

[[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] might be the closest a Sonichu character has ever come to ripping off Tails. While they're nothing alike in their looks or personalities ([[Chris_and_writing#Characterization|or lack thereof]], in the case of Wild.),Wild does states in [[Sonichu 3]] that he can use his tail as a propeller, an ability also shared by Tails.

== Amy Rose ==
'''Amy Rose''' is a ''[[Sonic]]'' character created in [[1993]], making her first appearance in the game [[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|''Sonic CD'']]. She serves as the self-proclaimed love interest of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In fleshing out the world of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], Chris quickly ripped off the character to serve as Sonichu's girlfriend, [[Rosechu]].

[[Image:Chrischan_traced.jpg|thumb|Yep, definitely different.]]

While Sonichu is essentially a recolor of Sonic with a Pikachu tail shoved up his ass, Rosechu is a much more direct rip-off. Like Amy Rose, Rosechu has green eyes and pink fur, with the spines on her head arranged to resemble a bob haircut. Both wear red boots and dresses, with Rosechu's having a blue trim in a slightly different pattern to Amy's white trim. Visually, the only obvious distinction between the two is the [[Raichu]] tail Rosechu has, and the spines on the center of Amy's forehead, which Rosechu lacks. It should be noted, however, that when Chris draws Amy, he [[Chris and art|fails]] to draw the forehead spines properly.

{{quote|MAJOR Differences between Amy and Rosie; Amy never had spikes on her back, the clothes are Different; Rosie’s Headband is White, not Red, and Rosechu has a modern girl kinda attitude, and lucky for her, Sonichu RARELY runs away from her charms. And, of course, she has her Electric-Type Attacks to boot.|Christian Weston Chandler, damning himself with [[The Sonichu Chronicles|faint praise]].}}

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose2.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Even Chris is bored with this sexist gabfest.]]

As Chris points out, the only real difference between Amy and Rosechu in terms of characterization is that while Amy's crush on Sonic is not reciprocated, Sonichu has been sucking face with Rosechu since the [[Sonichu 0|day they met]]. Obviously, this hardly marks a difference in their ''personality''. If anything, it says more about the differences between Sonic and Sonichu, since they respond differently to affection. Since she's already made her romantic conquest, Rosechu is free to pursue the life of a "modern girl", which apparently means [[Sonichu 8|face-raping people]] and producing [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|amateur pornography]].

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Sheesh, they even think the same words.]]

As an epilogue to the Sonichu/Sonic team-up in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], Rosechu happens to meet Amy in [[CWCville Mall]]. With no hint of irony, the two remark upon how similar they are, and engage in a [[Women's rights|vapid conversation about shopping and relationships]].

== Shadow the Hedgehog ==
Introduced in [[2001]]'s [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure 2|''Sonic Adventure 2'']], '''Shadow the Hedgehog''' is an anti-hero version of Sonic the Hedgehog. As he quickly became a fan favorite among the ''Sonic'' family of characters, it was only a matter of time before [[Chris]] decided to "create" another [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]...

Unlike Rosechu, who is virtually identical to Amy in every relevant respect, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] (Blake) only resembles Shadow in his color scheme and tenuous allegiance to the forces of evil. While Shadow is primarily motivated by his desire to learn about his mysterious past, Black Sonichu was informed of every aspect of his creation by [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]]. Most notably, while Shadow is supposed to be a dark and edgy character, Black Sonichu is basically just a punk, committing blatant mischief for very transparent motives.

While this might seem to make Black Sonichu halfway original, it really only means that he's a poor copy of Sonichu instead of a slightly less poor copy of Shadow. Blake's only real claim to individuality was that he acted like an asshole; since falling for [[Bubbles]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he doesn't even have that going for him.

Shadow makes one appearance in the ''Sonichu'' canon when he shows up as a drummer for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], but is later replaced by [[Punchy Sonichu]].

==Comics==
[[File:Sth189.jpg|thumb|right|More likely than not a bigger inspiration than the games series itself.]]

Sonic comics are almost as numerous as the games themselves, pumped out at a whim for a buck; they even made series specific for each region of the world. The one Chris is familiar with is the one published by Archie Comics, published in, obviously, [[United States of America|America]].

Chris has hinted at and mentioned that he is familiar with this comic series, and the layout of his comics tends to replicate the style of early Archie ''Sonic'' covers. Reldnahc's calling Chris "Prime-Chan" in the comic may be a reference to the character [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_comic_book_characters#Evil_Sonic.2FScourge_the_Hedgehog|Scourge the Hedgehog]], an evil version of Sonic from another dimension; Sonic is referred to as "Sonic Prime" when dealing with inter-dimensional storylines. Chris has also been known to trace images from an early special of the comic, "Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles", for the basis of some of his fight scenes, and one of the early shorts, entitled "Sonichu 25 Years Later," takes its name from a 2004 arc called "Mobius 25 Years Later." Whether he still reads the comics now or not is unknown. He has stated that he would like ''Sonichu'' to be published by Archie Comics.<ref>[[IRC (22 December 2008)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat #6]]</ref> If Chris still reads it, it will probably be a source of plagiarism and mass-debating for years to come.

Starting in [[April 2010]], [[Sony]] began releasing the Archie ''Sonic'' comics for download via the [[Playstation Network]].<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/22/playstation-comics-store-update-17/ PlayStation Comics Store Update]</ref> The likelihood that Chris has purchased them? [[Chris and money|Close to 100%.]]

==Plagiarism==
To put it bluntly, Sonichu is a [[copyright]] infringement. Chris tries to work around this fact by claiming that Sonichu is a [[parody]] of Sonic the Hedgehog, but Chris clearly does not understand what the word means, as Sonichu does not derive humor or provide commentary on the original franchise.

Though, since Ken Penders, former writer of the Archie Comics, can claim copyright on his Knuckles Ripoffs, then there's hope for Chris yet.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Modern-classic.png|Sonic with his 90's counterpart.
Image:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|Chris drew this in between ages 8 and 28.
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|He's a street smart cop with twenty years on the force! He's a rookie straight out of academy! Together, they fight crime!
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Because we all like to see our favorite heroes crossover one day! [[Sonichu 1|Oh wait!]]
Image:0065-Sonic.jpg|Sonic looking an awful lot like Chris.
Image:326-SonicJamCard.jpg|...I thought the answer was "Aim for the [[Sonichu 4|sourdough region]]"?
Image:327-SonicJamCardBck.jpg|[[6 June 2010|Yep,]] [[Don't Mess With Me|that]] [[Sonichu 10|most]] [[Autism Tutorial Extra|certainly ]][[28 October 2011|taught]] [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|him.]]
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|0-0 [http://www.geekologie.com/2009/12/um_yeah_maybe_get_somebody_els.php Geekologie Reader] does not approve of Chris's artwork.
Image:447-CWCSonicPlate.JPG|Sonic the Blowfish
Image:468-SonicCup.JPG|Chris makes his own [[Jimmy Hill|unlicensed ''Sonic'' merchandise]].
Image:469-SonicCupSide.JPG|Hello, lawsuit.
Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|Chris was so excited, he produced [[dirty, crapped briefs]].
Image:0077-SonicDoll.jpg|Chris still has this doll and it has seen [[For Julie's Eyes Only|horrible things]].
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Doctor Robotnik]]
* [[Chris and copyright]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (character)|Sonic the Hedgehog]] on [[Wikipedia]]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Stubs|Sonic the Hedgehog]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Obesity

2012-09-25T23:15:35Z

DannWoolf:

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|Look at his "slender" figure.]]]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|The Atkins Diet apparently didn't work on [[Barb]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}
{{Quote|I do not feel good hearing remarks or comments that have relation to my gut.|Chris to [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in the [[USA]], with about 65% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fat: [[Chris]], [[Barbara]], and even their cat, [[Desi Chandler|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle." Furthermore, in his numerous dating profiles discovered by the trolls, he often lists himself as having an "athletic build" or at the very least having weight that is proportionate to his height.

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], whom Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command," even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the Ghost Command part. But [[Chris and reality|that's]] a whole other problem.

Further cementing his obesity, on [[October 2011|October 2nd]], Chris's voluptuous manboobs won an award on [http://www.manboobs.co.uk/submissions/manboob_of_the_month manboobs.co.uk].

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power-walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles (3 km), then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris claimed that he planned on investing in a gym membership. Judging by photographs and videos from subsequent months, either he lied or he wasted his money.

== Actual weight ==
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200 [pounds]" (91 kg). During his phone call with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 lbs (100 kg), claiming he weighed "a lot less." But in [[February 2010]], he admitted that he once weighed even more than 220 pounds.<ref>[[Mailbag 54]]</ref>

In [[WeighIn|WeighIn video]], Chris claims that he weighs 216 lbs (97kg). This seems very unrealistic, given his current girth and food consumption. Most [[trolls|experts]] believe that Chris either offset his scale by 40 or 50 pounds, or that he's not fully standing on the scale in order to fool people into believing he's not extremely fat. It is also possible that Chris's years of inactivity have caused his muscles to deteriorate to the point of him looking like he weighs more than 250 pounds, when he really is just 216 pounds of pure fat.

== Denial ==
{{Quote|He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!|Chris breaking out into chorus on [[Alec Benson Leary]]<ref>[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]</ref>}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't overweight.<ref>[[White knight E-mails#September 2008 .E2.80.94 Chris denies being fat and sexist]]</ref> In [[IRC]], Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called [[gay]]. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]],<ref>[[Masturbating_and_squirtin%27#Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg|1st email to Evan]]</ref> during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since [[high school]]. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.<ref> [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|''Sonichu'' #7]] - "…I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like…"</ref>

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[Muscle bra|Manboobs]]
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Chick-fil-A]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Fridays After Five

2012-08-04T23:34:24Z

DannWoolf:

{{Quote|they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.|Chris, referring to the trolls at FA5<ref>[http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016]</ref>}}

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|left|140px|You know he's [[straight]] because his [[bra]] says so.]]
[[Image:Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's new [[attraction Location|prowling ground]].]]

'''Fridays After Five''' is a large block party/concert series that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. In [[June 2010]] [[Chris]] was video-recorded there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a [[6 June 2010|video]] explaining his near hit-and-run on [[Michael Snyder]]. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays after Five in the video [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]], in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play there every Friday night.

== 18 June Sighting==
{{-}}
[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|left|Chris trying to pick up a [[boyfriend-free girl]].]]
[[Image:Dancing.gif|thumb|185px|right|Chris attempting to dance. Note the man in the foreground shaking his head in disbelief/disgust.]]

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a good Samaritan ([[YouTube]] name [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy [[Vagina]]" and was wearing a "[[gay]] circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[PokeWalker of Fail|PokéWalker]]. At some point, Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write [[Love Quest|"WANT WOMAN!"]] on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the [[Medallion of Fail]] - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his [[Love Quest|old tricks]]. Like the [[attraction sign]], Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman." This is yet another example that this [[autistic]] man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging [[bald]] spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential [[sweetheart]]s - mostly [[pedofork|severely underage]] - Chris spent his time at the event [[Flipnote Hatena|drawing flipnotes]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and [[autism]] - with all the grace and skill of [[CWC Fighter]].

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

== 9 July Sighting ==
[[File:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|right|Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad lonely cage..]]
On 9 July, the troll who spotted Chris on [[McIntire Park#Independence Day Sighting|Independence Day]] spotted him again. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

{{quotebox|
Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.}}

This time, the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers of Fail]]. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris [[The GAMe PLACe|has been known]] to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a [[Attraction Sign|small piece of paper]] between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

Chris's response to this sighting, delusional as always:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 3]]: E-mails sent around the time of the FAF sightings</ref>
{{quoteboxred|I lured out one last Friday at the Pavillion, obviously. I SHOULD have gone after him in pursuit, but the only plan I had programmed in my head in response is take their picture with my DSi. I have reprogrammed my mind to pursue after lure, yell for a policeman, and have him arrested for Taking Photographs at the Pavillion during Fridays After 5. On their Triangular, Red Column, they have a rules list, which includes, "No Cameras or Videotaping are Permitted". I am positive I'll lure out the same guy from Last Friday; I only got a brief look at his face, but I am positive I'd [[Blanca|recognize him on future sight]].}}

==16 July Sighting==
[[File:Manzone.jpg|thumb|right|Something like this.]]
On 16 July, a different troll managed to spot Chris at the park. While no photos were taken, the description given paints a very... ''unusual'' picture.

{{quotebox|This probably isn't a big surprise to anyone, but Chris was also at Fridays After Five on July 16th. No pictures, I'm afraid. He was wearing a bright orange sleeveless shirt with what looked like a beer logo on the back and holding a Budweiser aluminum bottle, a little mini fan made to look like an iPod, and a hula hoop for some reason. Most importantly he had a sort of basic attraction sign with him, nothing elaborate or directly sexual but it said something like "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone" or something similar to that and with more smaller text under that I couldn't make out. He was sitting on the back grass part and left a few minutes before the music was over. I would have loved to catch Chris's attempts at using the hula hoop, I bet that was funny as hell.}}

While the initial footage from June introduced the "WANT WOMAN!" bra as a sort of makeshift attraction sign, the most recent sighting reports a full-fledged return of an actual [[attraction sign]], albeit a very basic one.

The hula hoop is more puzzling. It's entirely possible that Chris brought it to add to the dance moves seen on this very page, but given Chris's [[Sonichu's Edge|abysmally low stamina]], [[obesity|corpulent physique]], and total lack of coordination or dancing ability, this seems like a very unusual choice. Another theory is that he used it to mark the boundaries of his "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He can be seen at the end of one of the videos "dancing", apparently looking at and drifting towards a girl using two hula hoops near the stage; whether this inspired him to bring one himself or not is a matter of speculation.

==Gallery==
{{-}}
<center>
<gallery>
File:100 0669.JPG|The return of the King.
File:100 0670.JPG|[[100 2178|All alone.]]
File:100 0671.JPG|Preparing to put the moves on a [[gal-pal]]
File:100 0673.JPG|The gal-pal's gone...
File:100 0674.JPG|Oh! Potential new gal-pals!
File:100 0676.JPG|Creepy...
File:100 0677.JPG|...fucking...
File:100 0678.JPG|...scene.
File:100 0681.JPG|Eventually, an urgent need to [[Flipnote Hatena|DRAW SOME SHIT]] prevails.
File:100 0682.JPG|Chris enjoying the real world. Also, DAT ASSCRACK.
File:100 0683.JPG|Chris has a deep conversation with an eight-year-old.
File:100 0693.JPG|A wide shot.
File:100 0694.JPG|A close-up of Chris. Notice that he hasn't bothered to fully remove his shirt.
File:100 0695.JPG|Chris showing off his muscular bosom.
File:100 0696.JPG|LOOK AT THAT GUT, GODDAMN!!!
File:100_0697.JPG|Chris trying to look sexy for Da Ladies.
File:Fridayafterplan.png|CWC's Plan B
File:FAF-06092010.jpg|From autistic trucker to dorkish plumber.
File:WantMan.jpg|CWC's [[Homos|Plan C]]
File:Hulahoop.png|Chris and the hula hoop.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Flipnote Hatena]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin'|"Rollin' and Trollin'"]]
* [[Pedofork]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download the Videos]
* [http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Fridays After Five at the Charlottesville Pavilion]

== Sources ==
<references />

[[Category:Social life]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, June 2010| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Field agent videos| 2010-06-18]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Sonichu (character)

2012-08-03T13:20:22Z

DannWoolf:

::''This page is about the character. For the comic, see [[Sonichu (comic)]]. For other uses, see [[Sonichu (disambiguation)]]''
{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|Do not fear, world, for I am a new [[pokemon]]. And my name is… Sonichu!|Sonichu, the [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]}}

{{quote|Sonichu is Copyrighted and Mine Alone. Do Not Steal.|Chris, "Sonichu" [[CWCipedia]] article}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:SonichuOriginal.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 17 March [[Sonichu chronology#1988|1988]] (in universe)
17 March [[2000]] (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 5'4" (163 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] or [[Pikachu]]
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]
|-
|}
'''Sonichu''' (born 17 March 1988<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>) is the magnum opus of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. He is a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] and is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and ''"zaps to the extreme!"''

Sonichu's species, [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], evolves from a [[Sonee]], and can evolve into either [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]. (Even though the original Sonichu mutated from Pikachu, which just makes the ''Sonichu'' [[comic]] even more convoluted.)

==Creation and development==

[[Image:TheFirstSonichu.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing of Sonichu, circa [[2000]], from one of Chris's homemade Pokémon [[cards]]<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>]]
[[Image:042-CWC'sFavoriteHits.jpg|thumb|The CD cover in question, [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth]]</ref>]]

Chris revealed on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth|fail Wikipedia page]] that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class. In March [[2000]], Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being a ridiculously simple project, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. It seemed as if Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:

{{quote|Then it dawned on me at that moment after lunch, much like the random creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] during Basketball Practice in my Freshman Year, Sonichu just bursted right into my imagination. A blur at first, but then it all became more clear and came together very well. So, as swiftly as the creation of Bionic, I drew Sonichu on paper from imagination, then I drew him on my currently open Photoshop program. 

After checking with Miss. Chalifoux and my father, who is BIG on copyrights and whatnot; SONICHU WAS LEGAL THEN, and STILL IS and ONLY MINE! So, soon after, the CD-Cover was made, printed and Passed with an A+ Grade. :D|Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation]</ref>}}

Thus, an [[Internet]] legend, Sonichu, was born.

Chris created the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]] five months later, in August [[2000]]. A few drawings of Sonichu appeared on the site, mostly on homemade Pokemon cards and other various and sundry shit.

The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The comic was completed and released in [[2005]], five years after Sonichu's conception (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out...).

Sonichu's character design has slightly changed since Chris scrawled the first poorly drawn Sonichu. Due to [[Megan]]'s influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet [[china]]), ''Sonichu'' took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for over a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the [[Chris and art|drawing skills of a six-year-old]].

==Fictional character biography==

{{quote|Yellow electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original and one-and-only, he runs faster than the speed of sound. When danger is near, he will slice and zap it up.|Sonichu's background, ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #2}}

What would later become known as "Sonichu" hatched as a [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] on 17 March 1988,<ref name="Son cwcipedia" /> which interestingly enough is also the exact birth date of Chris's cherished dog [[Patti]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti Eulogy for Patti] on the CWCipedia</ref> It would eventually evolve into a [[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]] on 26 February 1994.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />

{{quote|A Pok'emon Watcher saw this one making out with a [[Jiggliami|Jigglypuff]] once or twice. WILD.|Chris, [[CWCipedia]]}}

[[Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Making Out.jpg|thumb|Awww]]
[[Image:CWCsonichuduck.JPG|thumb|Ewww]]

One day the city of [[Station Square]] was under siege by the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]], and [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] attempted to battle the creature. While using the six [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic, Sonic bumped into the Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic. After dispatching with the Perfect Chaos Monster, and being mistaken for Sonic, the newly evolved Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of [[Pokémon]]: Sonichu.

After his transformation, he ran back to his parents' nest, where he found that they had been caught by Pokémon trainers. Showing the same [[Chris and death|callousness]] his creator shows after a loss, Sonichu does not seem to have attempted to find them, never mentioned them again, and even refers to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] as his father.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>

While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering [[Rosechu]] in the woods, he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, [[Kel]] and thus stalked Rosechu back to her and Kel's cabin, whereupon he introduced himself to them. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from [[Naitsirhc]] at [[CWCville Mall]], Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. [[CWCville]]'s Mayor, [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his [[Love Quest]].

Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father [[Giovanni]] and [[Doctor Robotnik]] used to create [[Black Sonichu]]. Black Sonichu was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and [[Metal Sonichu]] to rescue Rosechu, who later met [[Amy Rose]].

One day, while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious [[Cherokian]] chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], which reveals that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretells of the release of an [[Count Graduon|ancient evil]]. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], which transformed him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], the reincarnation of the head of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. [[Saramah Rosechu]], the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokemon created by the same effect that created himself and Rosechu. Sonichu led this newly formed [[Chaotic Combo]] into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.

One day, Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall when Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform with his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|twin sister]] into [[Chrs-Chan Pure]]. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.

After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] from [[1990s#1996|1996]]. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.

One day, after having hours of sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website [[4-cent_garbage.com]] spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis -- pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-cent_garbage.com building to confront [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.

During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing.

When forces of evil attacked CWCville, Sonichu took time out from [[Chris and anger|raging]] at [[homos]] and [[Women's rights|objectifying his wife]] in order to defend the city. When granted the opportunity to finish the primary villain once and for all, Sonichu released her in order to allow his father to grab all the glory of defeating her (and thus putting the city in further danger).

After Chris's return from the Time Void, Sonichu returned to his role as second fiddle to Chris, doing the latter's bidding as [[Ultra Sonichu]] with some godlike powers of his own. After [[Collosal Chan]]'s crimes against humanity, Sonichu served as "plaintif"[sic]/witness in the mock trial of the [[Asperpedia]] Four, and after the predetermined verdict, took part in Evan's brutal execution.

Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's [[duck]].

==Characteristics and personal life==

[[Image:Original-chrischan-rosechu-trap.jpg|thumb|MY ASS HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FIRE!]]

Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing and chillin'. He enjoys outdoors activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.

Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a ''Sonichu'' cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone.<ref>[[Mumble 6#Chris is Stressed.2C Moving On|Mumble 6]]</ref>
He is deeply in love with his [[sweet-bolt]], Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at [[14 Branchland Court|14 Brunchville Lane]], CWCville, [[Chris's_homes|Virginia]], [[Chris's birthday|02024-1982]]. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or [[Sonichu 8|vomits profusely]]. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|abusive behind closed doors]].

[[Image:Lolmarriage.png|thumb|left|"Christ almighty, I zap to the extreme all fucking day, can't I have a goddamn can of [[Reeb]] and watch TV, woman?"]]

Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal [[Chris and religion|sin]], Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today</ref> (a possible [[retcon]] by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves ''over'' their wedding rings and keeping their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three children]] — Cerah (potentially named after [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Sarah Jackson]], [[PandaHalo]] or [[Sarah May]]; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]], or the not-so-retarded [[Bob|hero]] of the Chandler household), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the [[Wikipedia:Flowers_in_the_Attic|attic like so many flowers]]. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as [[Wild Sonichu]] could truly survive in our harsh world.

Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the ''Sonichu'' series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When [[Giovanni]] asked him between loyalty to [[Reldnahc]] and make him into the Mayor of CWCville, or let Rosechu to live, obviously, he chose Christian instead of Rosechu without hesitation.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Image:SchuComic9P82.jpg</ref> Like father, like son.

==Sexual prowess==
When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily seven inches (18 cm) long, and often ruptures the [[raincoat|condoms]] he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic8P2.jpg</ref> Chris has also given very intense details to Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology Biology]</ref>
 

Sonichu's luck with the ladies apparently predates his transformation into an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, as his [[CWCipedia]] biography notes that when he was still a Pikachu he made out with a Jigglypuff.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />. Also, in [[Sonichu 8]], [[Jiggliami]] says she used to have a Pikachu boyfriend. This raises some very disturbing implications, as the CWCipedia article also gives 1988 as the year of his birth and 1998 as the year in which he became Sonichu, meaning he could have not been [[Pedofork|older than 10 years]] at the time of said liaison.

==Powers and abilities==

[[Image:SonichuStats.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu's stats. You know, for all the people who give a damn.]]

Aside from the obvious super-speed and body-spinning powers transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. Some of his special attacks include:

* '''Sky Uppercut''': Jumping punch to the head from below, presumably similar in fashion to the [[Wikipedia:Shoryuken|''Shoryuken'']] from the ''Street Fighter'' games.
* '''Mega Kick''': A martial arts-style kick, sometimes done in midair.
* '''Double Team''': The attacker quickly creates an illusion that there are multiple attackers, disguising the real one temporarily and allowing them an opportunity to attack whilst the target is confused.
* '''Spin Dash''': Attacker curls into a ball and spins on the spot, before releasing and hurtling directly into the victim in a high-speed rolling attack. In the original games where this move came from, it was capable of breaking barriers, but this has yet to be seen in the comics.
* '''Zap Cannonball''': Attacker creates a ball of pure electrical energy in their hands, before thrusting their palms forward to fire it at the victim, in a similar fashion to the [[Wikipedia:Hadouken|''Hadouken'']] from the ''Street Fighter'' games, or the [http://megaman.wikia.com/wiki/Thunder_Bolt|''Thunder Strike''] from ''[[Wikipedia:Mega Man 7|Mega Man 7]]''.
* '''Iron Tail''': Attacker swings his tail at the victim to hit them in a slapping attack.
* '''Mud Slap''': Attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes to lower their accuracy.
* '''Thunderbolt''': Attacker charges up electrical power in body, before releasing it at the victim in the form of a long-ranged bolt of electricity.
* '''Thunder''': Attacker charges up electrical power, and uses it to summon lighting bolts down to the victim whilst simultaneously firing off electricity for a powerful lightning attack.

Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] takes over the story.

Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and [[Blake]] are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually ''slower'' than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 km/h (124 mph), much slower than Sonic, who can apparently hit Mach 1 (1,225 km/h / 761 mph) unassisted (so far, the best Sega has been able to show in-game is around 300 mph (483 km/h) in [[Wikipedia:Sonic Unleashed|''Sonic Unleashed'']]). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 rpm, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze. (However, in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #2 Chris claimed that Sonichu can go faster than the speed of sound.)

==Sonichu as a Mary Sue==
[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|Sonichu is as straight as Chris.]]

One of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew [[trolls]] to Chris, aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, is that Sonichu is a [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]] unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.

When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is fast, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.

A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], during the battle with [[4-cent_garbage.com]], where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Sonic VS Sonichu- the battle nobody wanted to see explodes onto your computer screens!
Image:067-SonichuStats.jpg|More than you ever wanted to know about Sonichu's stats.
Image:069-SchuGlasses.jpg|Even Sonichu wears [[Pedo-Glasses]]!
Image:070-SchuVsBchu.jpg|SONICHU VS. [[Blake|NIGRACHU]] FIGHT!
Image:072-SchuRchuDisco.jpg|Fun fact: Chris would never actually go into a disco because it's too [[tobacky|smokey]] and [[alcohol|drunky]] for his tastes.
Image:073-SchuRchuCmas.jpg|Watch out Sonichu, it's Black Sonichu!
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|HE'S A STREET SMART COP WITH 20 YEARS ON THE FORCE! HE'S A ROOKIE OUT OF ACADEMY! TOGETHER, THEY DELIVER JUSTICE. COMING THIS SUMMER.
Image:111-CWCSchuRchu.jpg|Chris, marveling at his creation where either Sonichu is holding a minidisc version of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] or an unfortunate licensed [[raincoat|condoms]] with album art on them.
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|Yes, even Chris's game consoles have Sonichu on them, like his PSP.
Image:112-NDSonichu2.jpg|Even for your DS!
Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|Chris and Sonichu are keeping an eye on you, [[Evan]]. FIND YOUR OWN VIDEO GAME FRANCHISES TO INFRINGE UPON!
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:167-SchuCard1.jpg
Image:168-SchuCard2.jpg|That's right, he made a reverse foil card with actual tin foil.
Image:169-CWCsSchu1.jpg
Image:170-DarkSchu.jpg
Image:171-SurfingSchu.jpg
Image:172-SnowSchu.jpg
Image:173-CWCsSchu2.jpg
Image:174-SchuCard3.jpg
Image:175-SchuBday.jpg
Image:176-SchuCard4.jpg
Image:177-RaceSchu.jpg
Image:178-ShineSchu.jpg
Image:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg
Image:180-SchuRchu.jpg
Image:181-SchuCard5.jpg
Image:182-SchuCard6.jpg
Image:183-SchuCard7.jpg
Image:184-SonichuEX.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:189-YuSchu.jpg|Yu-Gi-Oh!
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg|A proposed site logo idea that was rejected for not being bad enough. Also, Sonichu's smiling because he's gonna rape her within seconds.
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|<s>Freddy Mercury</s> Sonichu, noted guitarist in Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|And his GBA
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|(with layout so you can instantly make it worthless)
Image:206-SonichuPose.jpg|Very intimidating...
Image:228-SchuGrafiti.JPG|Spoiler: either that was an abandoned building nobody gave a shit about or it was a wall that was going to be demolished immediately anyway.
Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|Really? Of all the things going on campus, you had to go with asking Chris about Sonichu?
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu with Rosechu, in [[Pixelblocks]] form.
Image:snowchu.gif|Nothing is safe.
Image:0510-CWCNote9.jpg|DVD notes
Image:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|In ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
Image:ECP 00077.jpg|They've fused!
File:FlipnoteSonichu.png|In [[Flipnote Hatena]]
</gallery>
</center>
==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu}}
{{Fan art|chris=Sonichu_(fanart)|linkname=Sonichu}}
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu (disambiguation)|All other uses of that damn "Sonichu" word]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Medallions of Fail]]
== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Women's rights

2012-07-24T17:29:02Z

DannWoolf:

[[File:SchuComic8P58.jpg|thumb|Sure, sweety. Now make me some coffee, would ya?]]
[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|Chris giving the thumbs up (and two fingers) to women's rights.]]
{{quote|Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the Women's Rights, For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.|Self-description<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

One would think that a person who almost exclusively [[Gal pal|socializes with women]] and refers to all men aside from himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as [[JERKS|jerks]] would be very supportive of '''women's rights'''. In the case of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], however, one would be mistaken. Women's rights, at least in Chris's mind, refer to the right of women to strip without interference, and to be interpreted as women without [[pickle]]s. Chris tries to pass off his chauvinism as pseudo-feminism, and will never get laid without paying for the honor.

Given his admitted love of the [[Pre-1980#1960s|1964]] classic ''[[Mary Poppins]]'', he presumably stole the concept from the character of [[Wikipedia:Mary_Poppins_(film)#Mrs._Banks|Mrs. Banks]], who is a suffragette in 1910 London.<ref>Lyrics from "The Life I Lead": "It's grand to be an Englishman in 1910 / [[Wikipedia:Edward VII of the United Kingdom|King Edward]]'s on the throne / It's the age of men!"</ref> Of course, Chris wouldn't have the first idea of what [[Wikipedia:Women's suffrage|women's suffrage]] is, let alone the impact it had on world history, and why it was being shown in the movie in the first place.

==Origin==
[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|left|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly misinterpreted.]]
His extreme zeal for "women's rights" probably comes from a Mrs. Banks, the mother of Jane and Michael. As the story is set in 1910 London, women did not yet have the right to vote, and was a time particularly noted for the rise in campaigns for women's franchise, particularly from groups like the radical Suffragettes and the more moderate Suffragists. Mrs. Banks is the first character we see in the film proper, and she also sings the first song, "Sister Suffragette", during which she mentions [[Wikipedia:Emmeline_Pankhurst|Emmeline Pankhurst]] being arrested (again).<ref>"Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!</ref>

Mrs. Banks and her friends were depicted as struggling for the greater cause of being treated as an equal, with the same rights and treatment. But Chris takes it to mean they simply want to remove their clothes and fuck.

==In the comic==
[[Image:SchuComic9P35.jpg|thumb|An example of Chris's disclaimers.]]
In the [[comics]], women are portrayed as only enjoying fucking, shopping, and cooking, though they do not enjoy them for themselves; they enjoy cooking for the men. Similarly, when they go shopping, they buy clothes to wear for their significant other/crush.

Chris's most prominent reference to women's rights occurs at the end of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' in [[Episode 17]], in which the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] of [[CWCville]] strip to celebrate their victory over [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and assert their dominance over [[4-cent garbage.com]].

Despite their phenomenal talent for fighting evil, Chris depicts Rosechus as passive [[Sex toys|sexual toys]] for [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]]. Reflecting Chris's own distorted image of women, the Rosechus in his comics tend to exhibit a desire to engage in stereotypical behavior, with occasional aggressive sexual overtures. Women also tend to act as a deus ex machina plot device - occasionally leaving their role as supporting characters to engage in acts of great bravery and heroism.

It is obvious that Chris is ''aware'' of the idea that objectifying women is frowned upon; every time he makes his female characters use their feminine qualities (to put it altogether too mildly), he is quick to add a disclaimer that he respects the women for ''both'' their minds and bodies, and/or make the claim that the characters are doing it because they want to fight for the women's rights. However, due to his [[autism|mental block]], he fails to understand what society would consider a correct course of action, to wit, to become more Alpha before objectifying the women in the first place, and that disclaimers like these make him appear to be a mangina.

==In real life==
[[File:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|thumb|left|[[Layla]] performs a woman's highest duty.]]
[[Image:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|thumb|The very essence of femininity, according to Chris. How else are we supposed to interpret this?]]

Chris allows himself to be controlled by his own desires, and has soaked in all sorts of knowledge about women primarily from [[anime]], [[video games]], and in particular [[pornography]], which Chris considers "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> He has had several problems realizing the difference between exaggerated stereotypes and the reality, as also evidenced by his [[racism|racist remarks]].
During the [[Tomgirl Saga]], he states that he uses the female bathroom, and that there is "no going back for him", not realizing that he is blatantly intruding upon the privacy of the women present, and disregarding their feelings (which, undoubtedly, can be summed up as pure terror) on the matter.

This mindset is painfully obvious in Chris's interaction with women during his [[Love Quest]]. Chris takes on a passive role in his attraction strategy, waiting to be approached by women who he thinks will take interest in his appearance. Chris essentially is looking for a [[Barbara Chandler|maternal figure]] in his life. Rather than aiming to better himself, he is looking to be fulfilled and served by women. Rather than having the full potential to use their talents in society, women's rights are the rights of women to bring pleasure to men as Chris sees fit. When Chris lost his virginity to a hooker in [[April 2012]], he said, quite bluntly, ''"My future sweetheart will find out about it",'' giving off the impression that whoever hooks up with him will just accept him sleeping with a prostitute right off the bat, and relegating the woman who finally took away his [[Virgin with Rage|much hated virginity]] to being nothing more than an organic [[Fapcup]].

Much of Chris's sexism in relationships is rooted in [[hypocrisy]] - for example, he thought that if he was married to [[Ivy]] and was [[stress]]ed, he could go to a [[Zelina Rosechu|strip club]], but of course she could not; similarly, he suggested a MFF threesome with many of his sweethearts, but was horrified when Ivy suggested a [[Homos|MMF threesome]].<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

When occasionally confronted with his sexism, Chris becomes extremely indignant and offended.<ref>[[White_knight_e-mails#September_2008_.E2.80.94_Chris_denies_being_fat_and_sexist]]</ref>. When his sexism is pointed out, he gets upset and clarifies that he would never harm a woman (though he has no problem [[Death threats#Vivian Gee|threatening them]]). Chris seems to be under the impression that "sexism" basically means "physical abuse", and can't process the idea that treating women as sexual objects obsessed with shopping is still a form of sexism if not the definition (in addition to with and other factors).

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Vivitheg's AIM chat

2012-07-21T03:46:36Z

DannWoolf:

One day in late [[2008]], our fellow [[Vivitheg]] was fed up with [[Chris]]'s bullshit and thought it was time to talk some damn sense into him. After rummaging around the Internet for a while, she finally found Chris's AOL account, so she proceeded to have a '''chat''' with Chris, trying to address his many personal and psychological issues, from the [[Megan Schroeder]] saga, to his [[Attraction Sign]] and his arrest by [[jerkops]], to the first [[trolling]]s from 2008.

After three long, excruciating hours, during which Chris presumably slipped on cat dung and knocked the Internet gateway, [[Vivitheg]] declared defeat. Chris proved to be so stubborn, self-centered and unable to take responsibility for his actions, that any attempt to reason with him failed. Any time Vivi made him think about his actions, the answer she received from Chris was always one of his stock phrases. Never did she manage to get him to think about his actions, thus cementing the theory that Chris is self-centered and always thinks he's right.

Fortunately for Vivian and the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] forums, the resulting chat log was of the first insights on Chris's mind, and the psychological information obtained from its analysis proved to be decisive for the coordinated trollings in [[2009]].

The following section has a series of highlights from the chat. The major ones are italicized.

'''PROTIP:''' On Windows Vista, type Control-G in Notepad to fire up a Go To Line dialog. On Windows XP and older, copy the chat and paste it on a real text editor like [http://www.flos-freeware.ch/notepad2.html Notepad2] or [http://notepad-plus.sourceforge.net Notepad++]

== Highlights of the chat ==
* Line 25: ''Even though [[Megan]] made it more than clear there's nothing more going on between her and Chris, he's still waiting for her''.
* Line 35: He thinks all his documents posted on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were twisted and mangled, when they're in fact present intact and raw.
* Line 56: ''Even after being trolled, he still believed the girls were lining up at his feet over the phone and the Internet''.
* Line 127: Aside from total devotion to him, Chris doesn't have much of a clear idea of what he wants in a woman. His desires are mostly generic: "a nice, honest personality, ability to care about me genuinely, able to love me for me".
* Lines 100, 134, 192, 236, 239, 269, 294, 395, 401, 436, 446, 592, 672: ''Chris seems to be incapable of introspecting and solving problems''. Quite often, when asked to think about something personal for him or when asked to do something, he just BAWWWWWs and blurts out one of his stock phrases: "I feel stupid", "I am only Human, and a Virgin", "How am I supposed to know better [...] if I have not had EVEN MY [[Dating|FIRST DATE]]?", "but I AM STILL SOCIALLY SHY!", "with my friggin' autism mental block, it's easier said than done", "I lack self-confidence", "I'M JUST TOO DAMN SHY AND NOT SELF-FRIGGIN-CONFIDENT!", "I'm in pain, stress, heart-confused", "I am DUMB on the Relationship, Dating and all those subjects",
[[Image:Slippedincatcrap.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's depiction of line 161.]]
* Line 161: Chris goes out to clean some cat dung at his kitchen, but he slipped and "made a mess".
* Line 170: Chris admits he failed to achieve any kind of progress during his [[Love Quest]] ever since 2003.
* Line 192: Chris still thinks he can't grasp the basics of dating without a first date, regardless of how much people in the world already know the basics while on their way to their first date.
* Line 212: He still thinks Encyclopedia Dramatica has the fault for the drama between Chris, Megan, and [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|the Rule 34 drawing]].
* Line 258: Every now and then, he blurts out some non-sequitur about his life or his sexual desires. Instead of controlling them, he justifies them by saying it's his half of the discussion, and he can say anything that pops up in his "Random Access Memory" (not the same as a computer RAM).
* Line 309: Singles bars are strictly verboten for Chris, as he irrationally views these places as too dark and "smokey, drinkey"; basically, the whole purpose of a singles bar.
* Line 317: ''He still hangs out at the library looking for girls''. Only difference is, instead of doing it at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]], he does it at the [[University of Virginia]]...
* Line 332: ... and he still thinks the library is a place where people go to hang out and find a Sweetheart...
* Lines 352-367: ... probably because he thinks people who just happened to find their friends at the library and give each other a hug are people who just found their Sweetheart.
* Line 402: He still thinks his "educational porn" is a good idea to learn about sex.
* Line 403: ''He still thinks "[[Dating Education]]" should be a curricular subject on all schools''...
* Line 407: ... ''and he fervently defends this''.
* Line 411: He thinks reaching your third date with a girl automatically entitles you to the right of having sex with her.
* Line 446: Chris is obviously unaware of the impression he's causing by calling himself an unconfident, high-functional autistic virgin.
* Line 496: ''Chris sucks so much at talking to girls, he freezes up even when rehearsing at home with his Lego figures''.
* Lines 501-510: He thinks we care about his Electric-Hedgehogs Sonichu and Rosechu.
* Line 536: He usually doesn't think Sonic the Hedgehog is a kiddie video game when it obviously ''is''.
* Line 545: ''And if he does thinks it's childish, he thinks drawing his electric-hedgehogs having sex automatically makes him very mature''.
* Line 556: He sees nothing wrong with doing it, to boot.
* Line 572: '''''Chris does not believe in maturity'''''.
* Line 603: He still insists on whitewashing his misbehavior at the mall and blaming [[Scotpalazzo]] and the [[Jerkops]] for it.
* Line 620: After being v& by the mall security, he was also partially b& from the mall: he can only go with his parents...
* Lines 625-658: ... ''and yet, he still thinks his ban was unjustified and thinks being emotionally hurt gives him permission to loudly BAWWWWW in the middle of the mall''.
* Line 718: He thinks therapists are useless, that everything can be fixed "with a close gal-pal".
* Line 731: He would rather eat a cube of shit than sell his stuff...
* Line 759: ... excuses him claiming he needs no money because he can find counsel with his church...
* Line 763: ... ''and thinks like a Xenufag who claims his church is better than any psychiatrist''.
* Lines 770-800: He can't have a view on Christianity other than a fundamentalist one, because he can only read literally what the Bible says.
* Line 817: Lastly, ''religious tolerance is beyond Chris's understanding'', as he can only believe that God and Jesus are true, instead of knowing and acknowledging the existence and beliefs of people professing other religions. Case in point: Vivitheg is Daoist, but the sole fact that she doesn't believe in GodJesus makes him uncomfortable.

==The Chat==
'''CWCSonichu:''' Hey, Vivian. How are you?
 CWCSonichu returned at 11:23:03 AM.
 '''VIVItheG:''' I want to make sure however, this is the actual Chris.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I've been working on the [[deviantART]] page.
 '''VIVItheG:''' There have been so many fakes recently.
 '''VIVItheG:''' That I've tried to get into contact with
 '''VIVItheG:''' only to be trolled
 '''CWCSonichu:''' if you have a question to ask me that can confirm me to you; fire away.
 '''VIVItheG:''' well I don't know anything the real chris would know
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Also, I know that I did send you a few e-mails about the deviantART page, and asking you if I can add yours, as long as I quote you, from my ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com account.
 '''VIVItheG:''' oh okay
 '''VIVItheG:''' that works.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' good.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' did you read the e-mails?
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes
 '''CWCSonichu:''' good.
 '''VIVItheG:''' do you believe [[panda]] is a troll now?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm on the CWCSonichu AIM only, to wait for [[Megan]] to reveal her real self to me.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' not yet.
 '''VIVItheG:''' what, real self?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' you see, an impostor likely has hacked into her old yahoo e-mail account, and has been sending me e-mails; I can tell in the messages of those e-mails that they were coming from the impostor.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I know that Megan may still have her AIM account name, so I'm waiting to talk to her
 through there, so I can update her on the recent events for real, if possible.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Chris...I...I don't know what to say
 '''CWCSonichu:''' it's alright.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Didn't megan make herself clear that she wanted to stop talking to you?
 '''VIVItheG:''' I'm only going by what those e-mails said
 '''VIVItheG:''' but i have no idea what happened in real life
 '''VIVItheG:''' so other things could have happened
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I've actually talked to her through the AIM a few weeks ago; it's all okay between her and me as just friends now. :-)
 '''CWCSonichu:''' damn those bullies to twist things in the e-mails out of proportion.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Well, they weren't really twisted
 '''VIVItheG:''' They were just the raw e-mails posted
 '''VIVItheG:''' Left to our interpretation
 '''VIVItheG:''' they did no twisting, chris
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's not important to me right now.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' back to Panda; do you have any concrete evidence to prove her to be a troll?
 '''VIVItheG:''' no
 '''CWCSonichu:''' okay, then.
 '''VIVItheG:''' but i do have evidence that she is going to break up the relationship with you
 '''CWCSonichu:''' what is your source?
 '''VIVItheG:''' http://pandahalo.deviantart.com/
 '''VIVItheG:''' That is the revelations of last night
 '''CWCSonichu:''' let me look.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' my response: Holy Crap.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' :-(
 '''VIVItheG:''' I have no proof that she is a troll, I'll admit that
 '''VIVItheG:''' But it seems too damn likely that girls are just lining up at your feet
 '''CWCSonichu:''' could you elaborate further in that statement?
 '''VIVItheG:''' How many girls have wanted to start a relationship with you
 '''VIVItheG:''' let's say as of one month ago
 '''CWCSonichu:''' In Person, NO WOMEN HAVE "Lined Up at my Feet". On the internet and in recent phone calls, I guess so.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' so, I can't fully agree with your statement.
 '''VIVItheG:''' exactly chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' no woman IN PERSON
 '''VIVItheG:''' it's so easy to manipulate people over the internet
 '''CWCSonichu:''' ...
 '''VIVItheG:''' you can't start an honest relationship on the internet
 '''VIVItheG:''' it's nearly impossible chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' there are so many trolls out there right now
 '''CWCSonichu:''' damn it.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' this really grinds my gears.
 '''VIVItheG:''' what
 '''VIVItheG:''' what does
 '''CWCSonichu:''' this whole thing right now.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' what I'm hearing from you, what I've just read on Panda's entry; it grinds my gears.
 '''VIVItheG:''' the truth is hard to face chris
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *[[sigh]]*
 '''CWCSonichu:''' And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of "[[Kick the Autistic]]". I'm gonna need all the luck I can get. *Game Over*
 '''VIVItheG:''' Chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' You have to realize something
 '''VIVItheG:''' Sometimes we even forget you are autistic
 '''VIVItheG:''' It is your person
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is turning people away from you
 '''VIVItheG:''' not your autism
 '''CWCSonichu:''' my person?
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' look
 '''VIVItheG:''' I read the things you said with kawaiikitsune
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and?
 '''VIVItheG:''' She was a geniunely nice person
 '''VIVItheG:''' she wasn't trying to troll you
 '''CWCSonichu:''' yes she was.
 '''VIVItheG:''' she was trying to help you
 '''CWCSonichu:''' no she wasn't
 '''VIVItheG:''' what do you mean no she wasn't
 '''VIVItheG:''' explain that
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a troll
 '''VIVItheG:''' oh okay
 '''VIVItheG:''' right
 '''VIVItheG:''' She was trying to help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' the only reason she wanted to forge any relationship with you was to help you
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Well, I feel stupid.
 '''VIVItheG:''' chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' you can't just write that off as "i feel stupid"
 '''VIVItheG:''' you really have to look at what you said to her
 '''CWCSonichu:''' well, I do right now feel stupid. stupid and blind of obvious things.
 '''VIVItheG:''' What do YOU think turned her away from you?
 '''VIVItheG:''' I want to know what YOU think
 '''VIVItheG:''' this is the only way I can help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' If I tell you what I think, that won't help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' because we can have completely different answers
 '''CWCSonichu:''' let me read the words.
 '''VIVItheG:''' http://kawaiikitsune123.deviantart.com/
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's what I'm looking at.
 '''VIVItheG:''' alright.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' after reading the messages from me, I'm not sure what to think.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' or feel
 '''VIVItheG:''' what?
 '''VIVItheG:''' you sent them! you should know!
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I just don't know; those were much earlier messages, and I've been under a lot of stress, moments of happiness, and whatnot. the new bunches of informations pushed a lot of thoughts from then out of my head.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *sigh*
 '''VIVItheG:''' You have to watch what you say
 '''VIVItheG:''' I mean no guy talks like that to a woman
 '''VIVItheG:''' Ever
 '''VIVItheG:''' I mean, you shouldn't even be on the topic of physical contact
 '''VIVItheG:''' What do you want in a woman?
 '''VIVItheG:''' Besides looks.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a nice, honest personality, ability to care about me genuinely, able to love me for me. [[China|I can't say other internal details off the top of my head]].
 '''VIVItheG:''' That's acceptable I guess
 '''VIVItheG:''' I mean who wants a person that's not nice
 '''VIVItheG:''' I mean those are fairly generic
 '''VIVItheG:''' Everyone should look for someone who cares about them
 '''VIVItheG:''' I mean that's given in a relationship
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I am only Human, and a [[Virgin]]; I'M GOING TO MAKE A LOT OF TRIALS AND ERRORS that may sound unsound.
 '''VIVItheG:''' How many years has it been chris
 '''CWCSonichu:''' since when?
 '''VIVItheG:''' Since you started your so called "[[love quest]]"
 '''VIVItheG:''' it shouldn't even be called a love quest
 '''CWCSonichu:''' my Sweetheart Search started the Summer of 2003; after I turned 21
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay about 5 years
 '''VIVItheG:''' How much progress do YOU think you've made and tell me why
 '''CWCSonichu:''' greater than 5 years.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' let me think...
 '''CWCSonichu:''' it started with the realization of the infinitely-high boyfriend factor,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' then I thought of using [[Attraction Sign|signs for attraction]],
 '''CWCSonichu:''' then trying to put the word as inexpensively as possible in newsletters, or whatever
 '''CWCSonichu:''' ,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Met Megan,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Lost Megan,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]] thwarted my Sweetheart Search numerous times, making it obvious that [[Virgina is for Virgins]]; NOT LOVERS,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Sonichu fanbase rose greatly; chatted with female fans,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' built up a bit of confidence between Blanca, Sarah J and Panda, with wandering, learning heart,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' CHAOS from the Trolls,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' desperate for True, Honest Relationship,
 '''VIVItheG:''' is that it?
 '''VIVItheG:''' that doesn't answer
 '''VIVItheG:''' how much progress do YOU THINK YOU'VE MADE
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I WAS NOT FINISHED; I HAD TO CLEAN UP SOME [[Chandler Cats|CAT]] CRAP, AND SLIPPED AND MADE A MESS IN MY KITCHEN!
 '''CWCSonichu:''' GOD!
 '''VIVItheG:''' alright sorry
 CWCSonichu signed off at 12:10:13 PM.
 CWCSonichu signed on at 12:13:33 PM.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' continuing,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' felt somewhat desperate, and socially flushed, to have my first intercourse,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' LEARNED A LOT,
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I guess NO FREAKIN' PROGRESS! DAMN IT!
 '''VIVItheG:''' exactly chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' no progress
 '''VIVItheG:''' What do YOU think you've been doing wrong.
 cwcsonichu signed off at 12:17:18 PM.
 cwcsonichu signed on at 12:20:16 PM.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' are you there?
 '''VIVItheG:''' what's happening?
 '''VIVItheG:''' your internet unstable what?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' banged my head on the dresser; had my cable modem and wi-fi router on the top of it; toppled over, causing connection chaos.
 '''VIVItheG:''' anyway
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *sigh*
 '''VIVItheG:''' last thing i said was
 '''VIVItheG:''' what
 '''VIVItheG:''' righto
 '''CWCSonichu:''' did you get what I typed?
 '''VIVItheG:''' What do you think you're doing wrong
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes i did
 '''VIVItheG:''' and i've heard it before
 '''VIVItheG:''' so it's nothing really new
 '''VIVItheG:''' So I just want to know what you think you're doing wrong
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I don't know; I'M A VIRGIN!
 '''CWCSonichu:''' HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW BETTER, RELATIONSHIP-WISE?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' if I have not had EVEN MY FIRST DATE.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' A lot of people have first dates
 '''VIVItheG:''' do you think they know everything then?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' maybe not, but the majority of them had their First Dates in their EARLY TEENAGE YEARS.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *sigh*
 '''VIVItheG:''' and still
 '''VIVItheG:''' some people don't
 '''CWCSonichu:''' still in pain from cleaning up that crap.
 '''VIVItheG:''' so there are still people who are nervous about their first date
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and slipping on the floor, banging my head.
 '''VIVItheG:''' sorry about that
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is a lot of accidents in a short amount of time...
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's not your fault.
 '''VIVItheG:''' anyway.
 '''VIVItheG:''' What do you think went wrong with Megan
 '''CWCSonichu:''' call me possibly clumsy.
 '''VIVItheG:''' and I'll tell you what I think went wrong
 '''CWCSonichu:''' In PROTEST against that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]], right after I found it last November, I drew my FIRST [[Rule 34|Sexual Drawings]], including [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|that one between me and Megan]]; friggin' bastards twisted it to their evil, instead of leaving it alone for my PROTEST.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' she saw it, and that was that; "I need my space."
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I wish I had never found that friggin' page.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' IN the first place.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Chris, sadly that's not the answer i wanted to hear
 '''VIVItheG:''' but first i'll address this
 '''VIVItheG:''' You drew that picture
 '''VIVItheG:''' It was your fault
 '''VIVItheG:''' Not ED.
 '''VIVItheG:''' You have to accept that.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I DID, LONG AGO.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I had to be a Protestor.
 '''VIVItheG:''' well you seem to imply you blame ED in that answer above
 '''CWCSonichu:''' HAD TO
 '''VIVItheG:''' chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' everytime
 '''VIVItheG:''' you do something
 '''VIVItheG:''' the page gets bigger
 '''VIVItheG:''' do you know why
 '''CWCSonichu:''' they basically monitor EVERY MOVE I MAKE.
 '''VIVItheG:''' on the internet
 '''VIVItheG:''' so do you know what you must do
 '''CWCSonichu:''' get more social, but I AM STILL SOCIALLY SHY!
 '''VIVItheG:''' get over it
 '''VIVItheG:''' just get over it.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' with my friggin' autism mental block, it's easier said than done.
 '''VIVItheG:''' chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' You are better off than most people with autism
 '''VIVItheG:''' You're very lucky
 '''VIVItheG:''' I know people with autism, they can hardly talk.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' you don't think I already knew that?
 '''VIVItheG:''' Think about what they go through
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I've seen Rain Man
 '''VIVItheG:''' exactly.
 '''VIVItheG:''' So get over it.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Now
 '''VIVItheG:''' about megan
 '''VIVItheG:''' the response I wanted to hear
 '''VIVItheG:''' was that she explicitly said
 '''VIVItheG:''' that she wanted to JUST BE FRIENDS
 '''VIVItheG:''' and that should have been the end of it
 '''VIVItheG:''' once a woman tells a man no, they have to respect that
 '''VIVItheG:''' if the man keeps pressing on, then the woman will be irritated and then probably lose that friendship
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have my dreams that God gave to me, and I have to see my [[Crystal Weston Chandler]] be Born. But I need my [[Sweetheart]] first.
 '''VIVItheG:''' what does that have to do
 '''VIVItheG:''' with anything i just said
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I DON'T KNOW; it's my half of the discussion; I can say anything that randomly pops up in my [[Random Access Humor|Random Access Memory]].
 '''VIVItheG:''' what
 '''CWCSonichu:''' it's too random in my opinion.
 '''VIVItheG:''' can you stop from doing that
 '''VIVItheG:''' well you acknowledge that it is
 '''VIVItheG:''' so maybe you can stop yourself
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I lack self-confidence.
 '''VIVItheG:''' what
 '''VIVItheG:''' what does that have to do with stopping yourself from saying something you already know is "too random"
 '''VIVItheG:''' and then this doesn't even have to do with megan
 '''VIVItheG:''' and the fact that she just wanted to be friends
 '''VIVItheG:''' god we are off on so many subjects now i can hardly keep track
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Forget about Megan.
 '''VIVItheG:''' That is some good advice i hope YOU will take
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I can hardly keep track myself.
 '''VIVItheG:''' to forget about megan.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I meant for you to stop talking about her.
 '''VIVItheG:''' chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' I want you
 '''VIVItheG:''' to acknowledge
 '''VIVItheG:''' that all you will be with her
 '''VIVItheG:''' is just friends
 '''VIVItheG:''' You need to find another person
 '''VIVItheG:''' Go out into the world
 '''VIVItheG:''' and look
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have acknowledged that a long time ago.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Good.
 '''VIVItheG:''' That is good.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have been looking
 '''VIVItheG:''' where
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I"M JUST TOO DAMN SHY AND NOT SELF_FRIGGIN"_CONFIDENT
 '''VIVItheG:''' BE MORE CONFIDENT
 '''CWCSonichu:''' IN Charlottesville.
 '''VIVItheG:''' well where exactly
 '''VIVItheG:''' what places
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's easier said than done; i've said that before.
 '''VIVItheG:''' single's bar
 '''CWCSonichu:''' UVA
 '''CWCSonichu:''' NO
 '''CWCSonichu:''' !
 '''VIVItheG:''' why not there
 '''VIVItheG:''' that seems
 '''VIVItheG:''' like a very good place
 '''VIVItheG:''' in my opinion to start looking
 '''VIVItheG:''' you know
 '''CWCSonichu:''' [[Tobacky|smokey]], [[Alcohol|drunk]]; turn-offs!!
 '''CWCSonichu:''' too dark too.
 '''VIVItheG:''' go during the day.
 '''VIVItheG:''' there are bound to be other people like you
 '''VIVItheG:''' who are looking
 '''VIVItheG:''' you can't just write off a place
 '''VIVItheG:''' because it "stereotypically"
 '''VIVItheG:''' has those kinds of people
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I GO TO THE UVA"S ALDERMANLIBRARY: VERY POPULATED OFTEN
 '''VIVItheG:''' you don't know that
 '''VIVItheG:''' what's uva
 '''CWCSonichu:''' University Of Virginia.
 '''VIVItheG:''' i'm just saying
 '''VIVItheG:''' typically
 '''VIVItheG:''' at a university
 '''VIVItheG:''' that age range
 '''VIVItheG:''' 18-23 ish
 '''VIVItheG:''' i'm guessing
 '''VIVItheG:''' maybe too young?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' RIGHT IN MY ALLEY.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' NO
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm looking for 18-26
 '''VIVItheG:''' and how do you look for women...in a library
 '''CWCSonichu:''' there is a lounge.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' in the library
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and a coffee shop
 '''CWCSonichu:''' you tell me
 '''VIVItheG:''' well
 '''VIVItheG:''' at my college
 '''VIVItheG:''' in the library
 '''CWCSonichu:''' it is a very popular place.
 '''VIVItheG:''' people like to study
 '''VIVItheG:''' that's what I do
 '''VIVItheG:''' i don't go to a library
 '''VIVItheG:''' thinking about getting a boyfriend
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a lot of people go to the library looking for their sweetheart.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' it's just a matter of being there at the right time.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and not being fucking autistic and shy!
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm sorry.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm on edge right now.
 '''VIVItheG:''' why are you apologizing?
 '''VIVItheG:''' i'm trying to think of someway to explain this to you
 '''VIVItheG:''' how many people have you seen
 '''CWCSonichu:''' well, I just cursed for one thing, in a loud way.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a lot.
 '''VIVItheG:''' "hook up" in the library
 '''VIVItheG:''' on a completely stranger basis
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a lot
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a lot
 '''VIVItheG:''' they haven't had previous classes together before
 '''VIVItheG:''' how many is a lot
 '''VIVItheG:''' How many haver YOU SEEN
 '''CWCSonichu:''' in the years I've witnessed there, over 100 times
 '''VIVItheG:''' and you can confirm
 '''CWCSonichu:''' yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' that those were all on complete basis
 '''VIVItheG:''' of them not knowing each other previously
 '''CWCSonichu:''' yes
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have a headache
 '''VIVItheG:''' and then the relationship works out
 '''VIVItheG:''' for them
 '''CWCSonichu:''' yes
 '''CWCSonichu:''' brb
 '''VIVItheG:''' I don't believe that at all, I can't believe that.
 '''VIVItheG:''' This is a library on a university
 '''VIVItheG:''' it's not a place for people to just hook up
 '''VIVItheG:''' i don't understand why you would go there
 '''VIVItheG:''' you must feel out of place?
 '''VIVItheG:''' don't you?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' why can't you just say "okay" after I type in brb, so I can get an asprin, take a deep breath or something, which is the acronym for "be right back"?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *sigh*
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *belch*
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *from stress*
 '''CWCSonichu:''' *and pain*
 '''VIVItheG:''' because you will be back
 '''VIVItheG:''' and you will read those
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is why
 '''VIVItheG:''' well i dont' know what you were gonna do okay
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I was inklingly being sarcastic.
 '''VIVItheG:''' that was terrible.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I feel terrible; phyically and mentally.
 '''VIVItheG:''' why
 '''VIVItheG:''' maybe i'm doing this wrong
 '''VIVItheG:''' why do you feel terrible
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm in pain, stress, heart-confused; how can I be more clear than that?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' plus my headache.
 '''VIVItheG:''' i think you are putting too much attachment
 '''CWCSonichu:''' to what?
 '''VIVItheG:''' to relationships
 '''VIVItheG:''' that definitely won't work out
 '''CWCSonichu:''' well, like I said, I don't know better, I am DUMB on the Relationship, Dating and all those subjects, except for the amount of educational porn I have watched, then I feel smarter about how I'd like my first time to go. But I desperately need a [[Dating Education]] Class, and High Schools don't even think of that in addition to their Sexual Education.
 '''VIVItheG:''' dating education class
 '''VIVItheG:''' does not exist
 '''CWCSonichu:''' IT SHOULD.
 '''VIVItheG:''' because it is different for every person
 '''VIVItheG:''' you can't tailor it to a general group
 '''VIVItheG:''' it's individual experiences
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Sex Ed is good for [[Third date|date 3 or beyond]], but what is it that has to be done before then?
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's why Dating Education IS REQUIRED DESPERIATELY.
 '''VIVItheG:''' ...
 '''VIVItheG:''' first off
 '''VIVItheG:''' date 3 does not mean sex
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay
 '''VIVItheG:''' also
 '''VIVItheG:''' in a relationship
 '''VIVItheG:''' sex should be one of the last things
 '''VIVItheG:''' first
 '''VIVItheG:''' you got to know each other
 '''VIVItheG:''' how are you lives going to be with each other
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I already knew that.
 '''VIVItheG:''' you don't seem to know that
 '''VIVItheG:''' it's not like in 2 dates
 '''VIVItheG:''' you will know everything about that person
 '''CWCSonichu:''' you are not telepathic
 '''VIVItheG:''' let's have sex.
 '''VIVItheG:''' i know i'm not
 '''VIVItheG:''' i'm just basing it off things you say
 '''VIVItheG:''' that's all i've got to work with
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay
 '''CWCSonichu:''' shit my quotes.
 '''VIVItheG:''' ...yes. what you say
 '''VIVItheG:''' reflects who you are
 '''CWCSonichu:''' well, I am a DUMB Frustrated Virgin, and I've never had a First Date, I'm 26, I lack self-confidence, the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|Boyfriend-Factor is infinitely-high]], I fear rejection, I'm STRAIGHT, I'm High-Functionally Autistic; I should know A LOT BETTER, BUT I DON'T KNOW A THING on the Emotional Basics that is REQUIRED BEFOREHAND!
 '''VIVItheG:''' don't call yourself dumb
 '''VIVItheG:''' if you can't even believe in yourself
 '''VIVItheG:''' then why bother with life
 '''VIVItheG:''' secondly
 '''VIVItheG:''' don't call yourself a virgin
 '''VIVItheG:''' people don't need to know that
 '''CWCSonichu:''' On the subjects, I don't know better, so I am DUMB ON THOSE SUBJECTS.
 '''VIVItheG:''' well don't say that
 '''VIVItheG:''' god
 '''VIVItheG:''' what will people think
 '''VIVItheG:''' if you call yourself dumb
 '''VIVItheG:''' think about it
 '''VIVItheG:''' what will they think about you
 '''VIVItheG:''' that you are dumb
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm not telepathic myself.
 '''VIVItheG:''' and not worth their time
 '''VIVItheG:''' if I said I was dumb
 '''VIVItheG:''' what would you think
 '''VIVItheG:''' that i was dumb
 '''VIVItheG:''' exactly come on
 '''CWCSonichu:''' my head is blank.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' right now.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' so I can't come up with a sound answer.
 '''VIVItheG:''' I am an idiot.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' no, you're not.
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay i'll do this a different way
 '''VIVItheG:''' I like ponies.
 '''VIVItheG:''' What does that say about me.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's fine, so do I.
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay uhm
 '''VIVItheG:''' This isn't going to work
 '''VIVItheG:''' if we have prior knowledge of each other
 '''VIVItheG:''' Whatever you say to a person
 '''VIVItheG:''' that you've just met
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is what they're going to think
 '''VIVItheG:''' they have no prior knowledge of anything else
 '''CWCSonichu:''' mostly, I do not claim to know what other people are going to think about me and what I say, so I just let them be.
 '''VIVItheG:''' no
 '''VIVItheG:''' if you talk to them
 '''VIVItheG:''' and introduce yourself
 '''VIVItheG:''' with stuff
 '''VIVItheG:''' that's what they're going to think
 '''VIVItheG:''' so calling yourself dumb
 '''VIVItheG:''' is not going to help
 '''CWCSonichu:''' everybody knows that.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I know that.
 '''VIVItheG:''' then WHY do YOU call yourself dumb
 '''VIVItheG:''' if you already know that
 '''CWCSonichu:''' because my mind is blank, and I feel dumb right now.
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay
 '''VIVItheG:''' if you were introducing yourself to a girl right now
 '''VIVItheG:''' what would you say
 '''VIVItheG:''' first time
 '''VIVItheG:''' they know nothing about you
 '''VIVItheG:''' just first time
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'd probably freeze up, because that often happens to me, even in rehearsals at home, between my [[Lego|LEGO figurine and a woman LEGO figurine]]; I'd constantly freeze up.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Okay
 '''VIVItheG:''' pretend you wouldn't freeze up
 '''VIVItheG:''' what would you say
 '''CWCSonichu:''' "Hello"
 '''CWCSonichu:''' then my mind would freeze up.
 '''VIVItheG:''' "so what are you doing here"
 '''CWCSonichu:''' where's here?
 '''VIVItheG:''' pretend it's the library okay
 '''CWCSonichu:''' ida know..."hanging around"
 '''VIVItheG:''' "what do you do?"
 '''CWCSonichu:''' "I draw [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]"
 '''VIVItheG:''' "interesting, what are they about"
 '''CWCSonichu:''' "stories of my electric-hedgehogs, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; [[Sub-Episodes|some stories about me]]."
 '''VIVItheG:''' i can already tell
 '''VIVItheG:''' that this is going nowhere
 '''VIVItheG:''' you know [[Anna McLerran|anna]] right
 '''VIVItheG:''' and that blog
 '''VIVItheG:''' i don't remember the details
 '''VIVItheG:''' but you talked to her about your sonichu and whatnot
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I Personally Know Anna McLerran
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes i know
 '''VIVItheG:''' to be perfectly honest
 '''VIVItheG:''' to a woman
 '''VIVItheG:''' looking for a man
 '''VIVItheG:''' to be with for the rest of her life
 '''VIVItheG:''' someone who draws comics about childish things
 '''VIVItheG:''' do you see where i'm coming from
 '''CWCSonichu:''' no, I don't
 '''VIVItheG:''' When a woman looks for maturity
 '''VIVItheG:''' in a man
 '''VIVItheG:''' let's put it that way
 '''VIVItheG:''' maturity
 '''CWCSonichu:''' ok
 '''VIVItheG:''' comics about electric hedgehogs whatever
 '''VIVItheG:''' based off children's video games
 '''VIVItheG:''' you may not think they are for children
 '''VIVItheG:''' but for a majority of the people in this world
 '''VIVItheG:''' they are
 '''CWCSonichu:''' they're not just for children.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I disagree.
 '''VIVItheG:''' You may disagree
 '''VIVItheG:''' but for a majority of the people
 '''VIVItheG:''' who live
 '''VIVItheG:''' in the united states
 '''VIVItheG:''' they are seen as children's video games
 '''VIVItheG:''' and it's okay if you still play them
 '''VIVItheG:''' but to draw comics involving made up electric hedgehog pokemon
 '''CWCSonichu:''' what if I said that I draw [[Sonichu 8|sex pictures]]? would that make a difference?
 '''VIVItheG:''' are you being...sarcastic
 '''CWCSonichu:''' no, I'm being serious.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Think about it
 '''VIVItheG:''' for a second
 '''CWCSonichu:''' instead of cartoons, I draw sex pictures; would that make a difference of opinion?
 '''VIVItheG:''' Yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' It would be disturbing
 '''CWCSonichu:''' obviously.
 '''VIVItheG:''' If you know that
 '''VIVItheG:''' why would you say that
 '''CWCSonichu:''' to the naked, unopen mind.
 '''VIVItheG:''' exactly
 '''VIVItheG:''' so why would you even bring up the point in the first place
 '''CWCSonichu:''' to make a point; you say maturity; honest intercourse is mature.
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is not mature
 '''VIVItheG:''' well okay
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is
 '''VIVItheG:''' but it's now being taken in a completely different way
 '''VIVItheG:''' now it's disturbing
 '''VIVItheG:''' which is equally as bad
 '''VIVItheG:''' as being immature
 '''VIVItheG:''' i have to go give my sister a ride, i'll be back in 15 minutes
 '''VIVItheG:''' i want you to think about what you've just said
 '''VIVItheG:''' and tell me why you said those things
 cwcsonichu signed off at 1:16:40 PM.
 cwcsonichu signed on at 1:16:43 PM.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' okay, what would you recommend that I say that would make me sound "mature"? Maturity is a joke; NOBODY REALLY GROWS UP.
 cwcsonichu signed off at 1:18:14 PM.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' are you thinking?
 cwcsonichu signed on at 1:18:56 PM.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' please respond
 '''CWCSonichu:''' hello?
 cwcsonichu signed off at 1:23:28 PM.
 cwcsonichu signed on at 1:26:09 PM.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' Hey, Vivian.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'll stay here for a while longer.
 '''VIVItheG:''' alright
 '''CWCSonichu:''' oh, good, you're back.
 '''VIVItheG:''' yeah i said i had to drop my sister off somewhere
 '''CWCSonichu:''' oh, okay.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' did you think about what I said last.
 '''VIVItheG:''' let's put it this way
 '''VIVItheG:''' what do you look for in a woman
 '''VIVItheG:''' would you want her to like childish things
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that's an optional feature.
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay i got it
 '''VIVItheG:''' why would a 26 year old who doesn't attend that university be in a library
 '''CWCSonichu:''' but in a nutshell, I'm looking for an 18-26-year old, Boyfriend-free, caring , smoke-free, non-alcholic [[Chris and race|white woman]] to make into a sweetheart from the ground-up
 '''VIVItheG:''' it seems out of place
 '''VIVItheG:''' for most women
 '''VIVItheG:''' i would say
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a lot I guess.
 '''VIVItheG:''' so why would you be in a library
 '''VIVItheG:''' why
 '''VIVItheG:''' tell me why
 {{anchor|ban}}
'''CWCSonichu:''' I would be at [[Fashion Square]] instead, but the [[Manajerk]], [[Manajerk#ScotPalazzo|Scottpalazzo]], there basically permanently banned me from there.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]] were no-good.
 '''VIVItheG:''' well i'm not talking about those places
 '''VIVItheG:''' well actually wait
 '''VIVItheG:''' why were you banned
 '''VIVItheG:''' what did you do
 '''VIVItheG:''' that's probably a better question
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and UVA's Alderman Library is a lot better than a singles bar.
 '''VIVItheG:''' how do you konw
 '''VIVItheG:''' know
 '''CWCSonichu:''' they just didn't like me hanging around there; they're all a bunch of [[jerks]].
 '''CWCSonichu:''' basic instinct.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' so, I wasn't spending money there; what should they care?
 '''VIVItheG:''' you're withholding information
 '''VIVItheG:''' you must have done something
 '''VIVItheG:''' to draw attention to yourself
 '''CWCSonichu:''' specifically, I was NOT TOTALLY BANNED, but I can only be there with one of my parents.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' the situation with Hanna.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' as read in the comic; it was the anguished cry.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' so I was litteraly loud; big whoop; those jerks still hated my guts.
 '''VIVItheG:''' well, that does draw attention
 '''CWCSonichu:''' like a lot of men in this state.
 '''VIVItheG:''' and distract people who are trying to concetrate
 '''VIVItheG:''' on their job/buying stuff
 '''VIVItheG:''' you don't do that kind of thing in public
 '''VIVItheG:''' which is why you got kicked out
 '''VIVItheG:''' YOU may think it was just a loud cry
 '''CWCSonichu:''' well, it was called for; my heart was toyed with.
 '''VIVItheG:''' but OTHERS may think it was a distraction
 '''VIVItheG:''' what would OTHER PEOPLE around the area think
 '''CWCSonichu:''' probably that somebody got Seriously Hurt, which was WHAT DID HAPPEN.
 '''VIVItheG:''' maybe seriously hurt physically
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I was the victim.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' the physicallity; [[Heart level|my heart]].
 '''VIVItheG:''' no
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is not physically
 '''VIVItheG:''' losing an arm is physically
 '''CWCSonichu:''' getting an emotional stab to the heart is physical.
 '''VIVItheG:''' to others
 '''VIVItheG:''' it just looks like someone yelling nooo
 '''VIVItheG:''' for no apparent reason
 '''CWCSonichu:''' it was still called for.
 '''VIVItheG:''' no it wasn't
 '''CWCSonichu:''' but forget about that.
 '''VIVItheG:''' you have to realize
 '''VIVItheG:''' that your behavior
 '''VIVItheG:''' is not suitable for the public
 '''VIVItheG:''' you have to change yourself
 '''CWCSonichu:''' that was years ago that happened.
 '''VIVItheG:''' still
 '''VIVItheG:''' you don't seem to recognize why that was wrong
 '''VIVItheG:''' for you, maybe it was right, but you have to consider the other people
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I DID RECOGNIZE.
 '''VIVItheG:'''
 '''CWCSonichu:''' they just didn't like me hanging around there; they're all a bunch of jerks.
 '''VIVItheG:''' You seem to blame them
 '''VIVItheG:''' [[Ego|not yourself]]
 '''CWCSonichu:''' the other people didn't have their heart played with terribly.
 '''VIVItheG:''' i mean you weren't suspicious at all?
 '''VIVItheG:''' people just don't go up to another preson and say I need a boyfriend
 '''VIVItheG:''' that's not how it works
 '''CWCSonichu:''' REWIND; I, myself, NEED a Girlfriend.
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' But you didn't think twice
 '''VIVItheG:''' about someone coming up to you out of the blue
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I was desperate then.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' as well.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and I still didn't know better.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I am a mess.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a mess of issues.
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' you need to see a professional
 '''VIVItheG:''' i can't help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' i've realized that now
 '''VIVItheG:''' you need to seek professional help
 '''VIVItheG:''' ask your parents
 '''VIVItheG:''' i'm sure they will help you with that
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have seen a [[Chris and psychology|psyciatrist; no help]]. and my parents are old; still no help.
 '''VIVItheG:''' no
 '''VIVItheG:''' i mean they can most likely help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' find a professional
 '''VIVItheG:''' i mean
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a professional what?
 '''VIVItheG:''' therapist
 '''VIVItheG:''' someone
 '''VIVItheG:''' who helps people deal with their problems
 '''CWCSonichu:''' therapist = Psyciatrist.
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay sure
 '''VIVItheG:''' just look for one
 '''VIVItheG:''' you have a new set of problems
 '''VIVItheG:''' maybe looking for one now
 '''VIVItheG:''' will be the best choice
 '''VIVItheG:''' because i honestly can't help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' i've tried for 3 hours now
 '''VIVItheG:''' and it's like fighting a wall
 '''VIVItheG:''' i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try
 '''CWCSonichu:''' eventually, you make a dent.
 '''VIVItheG:''' yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' but with the help
 '''VIVItheG:''' of someone else
 '''VIVItheG:''' look for a therapist, psyciatrist
 '''VIVItheG:''' whatever
 '''VIVItheG:''' just do it
 '''VIVItheG:''' trust me
 '''VIVItheG:''' you may not think they help
 '''VIVItheG:''' but at least you tried looking for help
 '''VIVItheG:''' finding a girlfriend is the least of your problems
 '''VIVItheG:''' you have more issues to deal with
 '''CWCSonichu:''' yes I did.
 '''VIVItheG:''' before you can even begin to i don't know
 '''VIVItheG:''' just
 '''VIVItheG:''' a job maybe
 '''VIVItheG:''' school maybe
 '''VIVItheG:''' something
 '''CWCSonichu:''' a therapist costs money; what I really need is a close gal-pal.
 '''VIVItheG:''' you seem to have plenty of money
 '''VIVItheG:''' the government gives you mony
 '''VIVItheG:''' ey
 '''VIVItheG:''' money
 '''VIVItheG:''' i can type i swear
 '''VIVItheG:''' you seem to have plenty
 '''VIVItheG:''' use it for something more than just whatever you normally spend it on
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I am not Mr. Joe Millionaire.
 '''VIVItheG:''' get some help
 '''VIVItheG:''' but you seem to have [[List of Chris's games|a lot of shit]] in [[Chris's Room|your room]]
 '''VIVItheG:''' sell some of that
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have bills.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I'm not sellin'
 '''VIVItheG:''' why
 '''VIVItheG:''' what is more important
 '''VIVItheG:''' those things
 '''VIVItheG:''' or mental help
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I don't want to.
 '''VIVItheG:''' You have to let go chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' those things shouldn't mean such
 '''VIVItheG:''' a attachment
 '''VIVItheG:''' material goods
 '''VIVItheG:''' is not something that brings happiness
 '''VIVItheG:''' i know this
 '''CWCSonichu:''' you don't think I didn't know that either.
 '''VIVItheG:''' then why won't you sell them
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I just don't want to.
 '''VIVItheG:''' why
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and I don't need to.
 '''VIVItheG:''' that's not a good reason
 '''VIVItheG:''' because
 '''VIVItheG:''' you apparently
 '''VIVItheG:''' don't have money
 '''VIVItheG:''' so get some
 '''VIVItheG:''' get some help
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I don't need money to get help.
 '''VIVItheG:''' what kind of help are you thinking of
 '''CWCSonichu:''' and I don't need a professional.
 '''VIVItheG:''' Yes you do
 '''VIVItheG:''' Yes you do chris
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I have the people of my church.
 '''VIVItheG:''' you already got kicked out of one church
 '''VIVItheG:''' i mean
 '''VIVItheG:''' how are they going to help
 '''CWCSonichu:''' [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|my CURRENT church]] can help me a LOT better than any "professional"
 '''VIVItheG:''' and how have they helped
 '''VIVItheG:''' so far
 '''VIVItheG:''' chris
 '''CWCSonichu:''' because [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] supports them as well.
 '''VIVItheG:''' and how will god and jesus help you
 '''CWCSonichu:''' they guide a lot of people.
 '''VIVItheG:''' chris
 '''VIVItheG:''' do you think god is helping you right now
 '''VIVItheG:''' sending all these trolls after you
 '''VIVItheG:''' sending all these failed relatioinships after you
 '''CWCSonichu:''' in a way, yes.
 '''VIVItheG:''' ...really.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' he is helping me.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' have you read the bible?
 '''VIVItheG:''' he seems to just be making your life worse.
 '''VIVItheG:''' no.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' go read it, or join a church.
 '''VIVItheG:''' why
 '''CWCSonichu:''' so you can learn for yourself.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' the lessons behind God's will.
 '''VIVItheG:''' do you think god will help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' eventually
 '''CWCSonichu:''' yes
 '''VIVItheG:''' how do you think so
 '''VIVItheG:''' In what way
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I just do.
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay then
 '''VIVItheG:''' come back to me in 3 years
 '''VIVItheG:''' and tell me that alright.
 '''CWCSonichu:''' why 3 years?
 '''VIVItheG:''' because that is how long
 '''VIVItheG:''' i believe you will realize
 '''VIVItheG:''' that god is not going to help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' in that amount of time
 '''VIVItheG:''' you will be much worse off than you are now
 '''VIVItheG:''' that is what i believe
 '''CWCSonichu:''' what are you, an athiest?
 '''VIVItheG:''' daoist
 '''CWCSonichu:''' what is that?
 '''VIVItheG:''' my sect
 '''CWCSonichu:''' okay.
 '''VIVItheG:''' believes in principles
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I see.
 '''VIVItheG:''' of detachment from material goods
 '''VIVItheG:''' the way of being able to live life through non-action
 '''VIVItheG:''' which means that you should not do anything rash
 '''VIVItheG:''' unless you wish your life to be a living hell
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I see.
 '''VIVItheG:''' the believe in that you should be an active person
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I am
 '''VIVItheG:''' and help others
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I do
 '''VIVItheG:''' and what is your problem with atheiests
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus.
 '''VIVItheG:''' so what?
 '''VIVItheG:''' let them respect whatever they choose to believe in
 '''VIVItheG:''' there are so many religions in this world
 '''VIVItheG:''' okay but let's not talk about that
 '''VIVItheG:''' i'm here to try to help you
 '''VIVItheG:''' and i want you
 '''VIVItheG:''' to seek some professional help
 '''VIVItheG:''' god appears in abstract ways
 '''VIVItheG:''' but i want you to seek some concrete help
 '''VIVItheG:''' from another person
 '''VIVItheG:''' please
 '''VIVItheG:''' i beg of you man
 '''CWCSonichu:''' I will consider it.
 '''VIVItheG:''' please don't just consider it, please do it.

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Chatlogs]]

Animal Crossing Documentary

2012-02-03T18:49:19Z

DannWoolf:

[[Chris]]’s hour-long "'''[[Animal Crossing]] Documentary'''" is a video featured on his [[DVD]], where you can watch him reach the peak of his maturity, as he immerses himself in a video game meant for small children on one cold November afternoon.

==Analysis==
The video offers tours of two different towns saved on two different memory cards. The town of [[Cwcville]] is home to [[Sonichu]], who wears a Sonichu outfit. The town of Cwc City is home to [[Crystal]], who wears a [[Rosechu]] outfit.

Some of the narration centers around Chris complaining to [[Nintendo]] about his many personal problems. He [[Chris and his ego|expects]] the company to remember his [[fan]] letters regarding his dreams. He also implies that the company should send him [[Chris and reality|birthday presents]], reissue trading cards that went out of print so Chris can collect them, and adopt his fan characters as official [[Pokémon]]. He also expresses his distaste for [[Sony|the PlayStation and the PS2]], but speaks fondly of many obsolete consoles he owns that weren't made by Nintendo. He also mentions he dislikes a ''[[Wikipedia:Beyblade: Super Tournament Battle|Beyblade]]'' game because it's "[[Chris and reality|not real]]" which is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|disturbing]] in retrospect.

The [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]' debut album is featured prominently, as Chris sings several of the songs aloud and has the CD on repeat playing quietly in the background. [[Yellow is a Mellow Color]] plays at least three times in the span of an hour. He also sings along to parts of the game. Much like the boatman Charon ferried the souls of the damned to Hades, a character shuttles Sonichu across a river while Chris sings in the voice that got him fired from [[Wendy's]]. The singing becomes high-pitched gibberish after two stanzas.

There are a few odd moments, like where Chris compares two fighting insects to ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', says a [[Niggos|dark-skinned]] hippopotamus reminds him of [[Wikipedia:Sanford and Son|Sanford and Son]], and talks about his strained relationship with his father. Chris also doesn't mention the [[Wikipedia:Joy to the World (Hoyt Axton song)|bullfrog character named Jeremiah]], showing his ignorance of popular [[music]] outside of crappy 90's pop music and whatever ancient music [[Bob]] likes. Also he will gladly pull weeds in this game but not in [[Father Call|real life]].

Chris mentions "profit" from selling in-game items over and over again. This in no way involves real money and is just Chris selling easily-found items dropped by the game to purchase more furniture and crap, which he finds validating. Chris probably enjoys the game because it showers him with rewards for completing simple tasks, none of which are challenging or stressful.

This "documentary" also provides insight into how Chris projects his own lifestyle onto a video game. His hoarding enters the realm of video games, as he uses his island house to store almost a dozen dressers full of in-game objects. His two houses are full of clutter, his in-game bedrooms look eerily like [[Chris's Room|his own]] (right down to a small bed surrounded by clutter), and he refers to every generic "nice" female character as being [[sweetheart|sweet]], and being a genuine [[gal pal|friend]] of his.

This is Chris at his most infantile, immersing himself in a game full of soft animal characters with no conflict or challenge, telling jokes that [[Random access humor|aren't really jokes]] and [[Chris and Music|singing horrible songs in a horrible voice]].

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name=Animal Crossing Documentary
| image = {{#ev:googlevideo|-4734277862198455846}}
| Stardate = 22nd [[November 2003]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}, {{Website|text}}
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}, {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[The City of Cwicville Tour!#Watch|The City of Cwicville Tour]]
| next = [[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
}}</center>

===Outline===

{| class="wikitable"
| 00:01-01:24 || Introduction
|-
| 01:25-19:39 || Tour of Cwcville (part 1 of 2)
|-
| 19:40-25:19 || Trip to Cwcville Island
|-
| 25:20-35:24 || Tour of Cwcville (part 2 of 2)
|-
| 35:25-36:44 || Interlude
|-
| 36:45-52:39 || Tour of Cwc City
|-
| 52:40-53:39 || Interlude
|-
| 53:40-55:54 || Conclusion
|}

==Transcription==

'''Introduction'''

[Gamecube startup screen with Chris singing along]

[[[Nintendo]] screen with Chris saying "Nintendo"]

[00:24]

Hello [[Nintendo]]! Welcome to my ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia and I is [''sic''] 21 years old and I play because I am young at heart. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in ''Animal Crossing''.

[''Goes to main menu'']

[00:48]

The city's name is CWCville. See, those are my initials CWC. That's why it is spelled that way.

[''Picking menu options'']

[01:01]

And my character's name is Sonichu. You may remember him from, ahh, previous letters I have sent to you guys in the past.

[01:10]

[''Game starts to load town'']

Anyway we are going to get set up now. [''Chris starts singing'']

[''Game is done loading'']

We usually do have a good time.

[1:25]

So anyway, stepping out is my character [[Sonichu]]. He's wearing the [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] with the character on it. Like I said you might remember his face. And there's his actual face.

[''Shows a sign with the face of Sonichu on it'']

You remember the rest of his body you see the whole picture.

And before we get to the daily routines I'm goin' let you...I'm goin' to take you on a tour of my [[house]] as well as uh, as well as you know, uh, a daily routine. We'll take a tour of the town, but first the house. You see this logo here, that is the logo to [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|my website on the internet]]. If you would like to visit, here is the address. I'm going to leave it up for a few seconds.

[''Shows the address to his website for a few seconds'']

[2:02]

Alright, that's enough. Now we're gonna take a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of my house]].

Turn on the light so you can see better. This is my first floor, obviously. I keep things well organized. I got room to walk around in; I can even do a dance, wanna see me do I bit?

[''Chris begins to sing'']

[[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|Yellow is a mellow color]] 
Yes it is a mellow color 
Sonichu zaps a lightning 
EEEEEHHHHH mellow color 

[''Chris stops singing'']

Yeah. Course...a...when I...a... do a dance. I usually like to have my uh...audience.

[''Chris puts a wallpaper up on his house, resembling wrestling fans who just witnessed a Stone Cold Stunner.'']

Dodedododododoo. But since it's getting close to [[Christmas]], I have the snowflakes on the wall instead. And I keep it in this closet. So anyway here's a fun thing. This snowman he teach me how to play piano. And by the way just to let you know in case...a...you can hear the...a...music in the background.

[''Chris appears to be playing [[So Need A Cute Girl]]'']

Those are my karaoke numbers that I actually ma...that I actually made up lyrics to, and I have played and, uh, sang my voice over the originals. So let me give you an example; may I Mister Snowman? "Please go right ahead!" Alright.

[''Chris begins to sing again while Sonichu bangs on the piano, which emits no sound'']

[[Dirty_crapped_briefs|Tell me why]] 
I'm stuck as a 
[[Virgin with Rage]]? 
[[Semen#Recycling|Tell me why]] 
I so need a 
Cute Girl my age 
[[Medallions_of_Fail|Tell me why]] 
I never wanna 
Hear you say 
I have a boyfriend!

[''Chris stops singing'']

And that was inspired by a [[Love Quest|real thing]]. By the way that's your website...that is your website isn't it? Nintendo.com, it's a nice place to visit; but we cannot live there. Which brings us up to our next subject...

[''A calendar of November appears on the screen'']

...the [[diary]]. You guys did a good job of it going back and forth within a 12 month radius. By the way, this is my birthday, right here my actual birthday, I was born in 1982. You guys...in case you want to take a note there. OK, that's long enough. So anyway uh, it does make a...not only does it work for a calendar, but it makes for a good monthly journal. As for a monthly journal entry here in November.

[''Chris begins to scroll up and down his journal entry'']

Yeah I tried to get a girlfriend because, I don't have a girlfriend. But I have made up a poem, let you guys read it.

{{quotebox|My dreams of getting a girlfriend was crushed by the medeling [''sic''] [[Mary_Lee_Walsh|"Mary Lee Walsh."]] 
Christian Chandler. 
November 4, 2003 
Saddest Heart in the World 
Lonesome and sad, lonesome and sad, the "Mastermind" is very bad. In efforts of getting a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free gal]], that female dog took my only idea for a fall. Heart-broken, sad and very lonely, I'll never remove my virginity. And with Backstreet Boys' tune, I sing my lonesome croon: "Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage. Tell me why, I so need a...}}

All right. Scroll down a little bit as we go along.

''...cute girl my age. Tell me why, I ain't ever wanna hear you say 'I have a boyfriend.'" And so, deep in dreary thought, a girl was what I sought. A stitch in time, will never remove my...''

It's a very good pro...poem, because I am an artist, as well as a poet. I make a rhyme every time.

''...crying rhyme. I may be destined for loneliness forever, fate is to blame...whatever. I conclude this cry, to say that as long as there are no matching girls, my happiness well runs dry.''

Anyway that's my poem, but in case...a, you didn't notice here. Look right here, "Tell me why, I'm stuck as a virgin with rage." I put my song lyric in here because it was inspired; because I do not have a girlfriend. You know why, cause I have a [[Noviophobia|phobia]] that every girl I talk to she already has a boyfriend.

Right. So anyway moving on with the tour of my house. As you can see I've got- I'm collecting the NES games. I've got most of them down here, and I've got a couple upstairs. One of 'em's fake you know the one I'm talking about, does April 1st strike a bell? But my favorite game is right here.

[''"Would you like to play 
[[Fail|DK Jr MATH?]]"'']

I like it because...a, it really challenges the mind in the math area and gets your memory fresh there. And by the way, notice the two logos here?

[''Chris is making a motion towards the GameCube and N64 logos'']

It's a good way to welcome the guests, that come into your house. Ol' Nintendo 64 on the left, and GameCube on the right, caught them before an after deal. Oh and look at this, a good little south feng shui here. Of course makes for a good welcome mat. Speaking of feng shui, I've got my red items against the east side, in hopes of getting more NES games; specially that Wario's Woods. By the way, how the heck do you get that game anyway? I mean all you tell us do to is to go to Animal Island. And then what the heck do we do? You should have given us more details, back in the previous issue of uh, the Crossing Guardian.

Speaking of which I've been a long time subscriber. So therefore I've got all their previous issues. And I time travel back and forth when I start ''Animal Crossing'' to collect a few items, but in respect to uh...time traveling back because I missed a few items, I made a new character named "Tim Timetale" and, uh, he time-traveled back and got the remaining items, give them to me, as well as the other character I made up, and, uh, the, uh, the other city in Slot B, which, uh, I'll tell you about that later.

[6:45]

[''Character walks up stairs to the second floor of house'']

Anyway, we're going upstairs. This is my [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. It's a lot of fun, isn't it, because I like to make things fun since, you know, I'm young at heart. And here's a fun joke. Turn on the [[TV]] sit down and watch TV while I wait t-to get on the [[Internet]]. It's a good way to kill time anyway. Anyway, here's the fake [''brings up caption for the April Fool's NES game, Super Tortimer'']. Sound familiar? Right [''[[sigh|sighs]]'']. Anyway, this is my bed. The harvest bed. Nice choice, isn't it? I'm going to take a quick nap.

[7:17]

[''Character lays down on bed while Chris makes snoring noises too close to the microphone'']

OK. Nap's over. All right. You want to see my music collection? [''Brings up music menu''] It's all good. I got them all courtesy of K.K. Slider. Well, of course, the first one was a freebie from the e-Reader card. "Swipe, Swipe, Swipe". Anyway, here's the fan and the Mario Brothers stuff. Oh, and uh you notice what time it is? It's 1:15. Good time to start. In the afternoon.

[7:48]

[''Character walks down stairs to first floor of house'']

Anyway, now we're going down to the basement.

[''Character walks down stairs to the basement of house'']

Let me just turn on the lights. I keep my models down here. It's a nice little aero fa [sic] models, and I leave enough room for me to walk around in. Well, that's a cute joke.

''"Hey. Stop. You're under arrest."'' 
''"What for?"'' 
''"For, uh, being the black market, you red fox."'' 
''"Ah, geez."'' 

And I got both houses. Yeah, I scored that high with the HRA. Notice this train? I wonder where it's headed to. It's probably headed over to the memory card in Slot B. I'll tell you about that city later. Anyway. This is where I do my cooking. If, uh, if you can ever do your cooking in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube. I have that DVD. And this is the fridge. I could store my food in there, but I can't. What? Does it have a padlock on it or something? Oh, look. Here's my phone. Let's make a phone call. [''Pulls up phone menu, calling the Dial-a-Psychic''] Hello? Thank you. Good advice. Hey. Let's have a seat on this thing. I like this thing. Listen to this. [''Character sits on the couch and it makes a fart noise'']. Let me do that again. [''Character again jumps on the couch as it makes a fart noise''] One more time. [''Character again jumps on couch with predictable results''] OK. That's enough. Too much fun and [[Lie|you'll die laughing]].

[9:04]

[''Character walks up stairs to first floor of house'']

So anyway, that's my house. Let me just turn off the lights before I leave.

[''Character walks out the front door of house'']

Alright, now where going to go through my daily routines. As well as a tour of the town.

[''Pause menu pops up'']

You notice I've got an empty inventory. And by the way, here's a good rule of thumb. Keeping my shovel, net, pole, axe, and letters here on the bottom row. You know why? I'll tell you bout that when we get to the next shop. Anyway, I usually check my mail; what do you know I got three presents. Let's see what this one is though. [[Bob]].

''How ARE you, Sonichu? Well now, I bet your bottom Bell you didn't expect me to cut out and split town, huh? Nope, I shocked the world! I'm turning over a new leaf- see you on the flip side! Laters, Bob''

Oh I guess he moved out, oh well.

[''Sonichu proceeds to throw out poor Bob's letter, then collect his gifts from the remaining letters'']

Anyway, let's see what we got from the, uh, probably from the museum; because I dig up those fossils and uh...I sell them. Makes a nice profit.

[''Sonichu throws away all three letters'']

I just quickly uh read through them and then throw them away. You know like...junk mail! You could also say pop-ups if they had "x's" on em.

[''Sonichu begins to open his gifts'']

See what we got here, A dinosaur track, a Tricera tail, and a dinosaur egg. Well that'll make a nice profit. By the way, in case you missed it the first time I'll put it up again.

[''Once again shows the address to his website'']

Ok you got it, alright now. Before we head to Nook's shop which will be the last stop on the tour; we go- we're gonna take the rest of the tour here. Alright let's see. Well this is the train station. But I travel to the other city which I'll tell you about now. The name of the city is CWCcity. Spelled C-W-C-c-i-t-y, we'll visit there later, but not by train of course. It'll be a hou-It'll be a run by the, uh, character named [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|Crystal]], C-r-y-s-t-a-l, when we get there. All right. Oh, look at this, a hole in the ground.

[''opens the menu to equip his golden shovel'']

Yeah, you see, sometimes there's an item in CWCcity. I don't have it here in CWCville because I have CWCville a lot longer than CWCcity. I bring stuff from CWCcity over here.

[''he digs up the buried item - it's a folding chair'']

'Cause obviously I did not collect this one yet. I got a good memory.

[''Sonichu screws up and digs another hole; he cleans both of them up'']

And also, you know, I got a good taste for music because I grew up on music. So anyway let's move on with- oh, you notice this [a golden statue of Sonichu]? You know why this is here?

[''This statue was erected in honor of Sonichu's full loan repayment!'']

I paid my debt. And this is Sonichu's mug again, right next to the master.

[''Sonichu runs past a sign reading "H.F.A." with two almost invisible red eyes'']

Oh, look at this. H.F.A. And very mean eyes. Must mean something bad. ...I know what it means. I'll tell you about it at the end of the documentary here. Uh, the city of CWCville and CWCcity, or otherwise all the deal [?] in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube, in a nutshell.

[''Sonichu enters the acre with the post office on it'']

So anyway, here's the post office, do my mailing and such and the e-Reader swipes. By the way there's a good way to profit from the e-Reader, I'll tell you about it in CWCcity.

[''Sonichu comes across a shining ring in the ground'']

Oh, what do you know! A money spot. I'll just dig up the thousand bells.

[''Sonichu pulls a shovel out of his inventory and digs up the money sack'']

Yep, thousand bells, just bury that up. Mmm, drag it up there. Use the R button to quickly pick up the items.

[''Sonichu enters the acre with the dump in it, he enters it'']

Anyway, here's the dump. I come here first, pick up the- whatever items I want every time I start ''Animal Crossing''. Hmm, got a shirt, what do we have here? A plant. I's have picked up a pothos before so I know it's a plant.

[''Sonichu starts wandering into some acres filled with trees'']

I don't really use plants in my house you n-n-noticed, except for that Christmas Tree but that's for, you know, the holidays. Anyway she's around here, I want to show you my favorite character that I kind of got to know from the start.

[''Sonichu finds his way into an acre with a house on it'']

Oop, she just went in. So let's go say hello.

[''Sonichu follows some blue cat into a house and rams into it'']

Yeah uhm, uhm, would you come out here please?

[''Sonichu walks back into the center of the room and back into the blue cat, he pushes it into a corner'']

Mmm... Darnit, I can't see her but anyway uh, I think you recognize her. Oh here we go a little bit. Yeah mint, she's a sweety.

[''Sonichu talks to the Mint about some random crap'']

She gave me a birthday present on my 21st birthday when I time-traveled back. Talk to me!

[''Mint rambles on about how it's cold out and how winter's coming'']

Well, what did ya expect? It's November.

[''Mint asks Sonichu if he has a heater'']

Yeah I got a heater in the basement.

[''Mint jokingly mocks him about turning on heaters during November'']

[Chris chuckles] Yea.

[''Mint says something about how it's going to get colder'']

That's right. Well, I'll see you later Minty, you're a sweety.

[''Sonichu leaves Mint's house'']

Anyway that's uhh all so on the trip. We'll take a look at all the other colorful characters we have around here.

[''The town map comes up, different acres are examined'']

Also uh every time I keep track of the-uh map so that I can see if anyone new came in. Oh, we got a new neighbor, Bertha. I haven't noticed her before. So she's obviously new. So anyway uh, let's move on.

[''Sonichu starts running through the woods and comes across some kangaroo'']

Here's another character I grew up with. Actually she moved in, and lived here most of the time. Marcy. And now she's wearing a Sonichu shirt. Sonichu is very popular in CWCville.

[''Sonichu heads south to an acre with some green mouse's house in it'']

There's Anicotti, she just went in.

[''Sonichu heads west and finds some giraffe's house'']

And there's Elmer. He just went in, he's one of the senior citizens around here too. I say that because he's lived here- by the way our ne- our city pe- fruit is a peach. But I've grown a lot of orange, pears n such.

[14:15]

[''Sonichu heads west and finds a white cat, she says something about how CWCville is amazing'']

Oh whaddya' know, it's that girl from the train.

[''He talks to Blanca'']

I draw her face every time, but when I'm in a hurry I just color it, the whole thing, and she just looks like a... ''Blank face''. But I gave her a face last time.

[''Sonichu starts to head out of the acre but turns around and runs back in, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]] begins to play in the background. Chris's "singing" is clearly audible'']

Oh, there was another character up here on the hill.

[''Sonichu heads to a goat's house by a river'']

And she just came out, Chevre. What do you know, she's wearing Elmer's clothes.

[''Sonichu runs out of that acre back into the woods'']

Anyway, moving on with the tour.

[''Sonichu comes to some giant tree with a fountain thing in front of it, Chris mistakes it for a well. Some billboards are to the right of it'']

Well, [Chris chortles] good joke. Anyway I also, you know I like to use the billboards, put my signs up. There's my Sonichu site logo, there's Sonichu's mug. I got two here side by side represent the holidy and such. Yea here we got your corn that you got from the previous issue and I drew this leaf.

[''It doesn't look like a leaf'']

Obviously for Thanksgiving and the harvest festival.

[''A blue bear walks into the video'']

Oh, look there's Groucho. He's wearin' a Sonichu site shirt. Let's say hello.

[''Sonichu starts speaking with Groucho'']

Entertain me.

[''Groucho bitches about his mom and fruit'']

A fruit huh?

[''Groucho offers Sonichu an apple, Sonichu accepts'']

I-I'll take one. Yeah, it makes a nice little profit when you talk to them and most of the time it happens from the jobs.

[''Sonichu walks east and comes across a green lion's house'']

So anyway. Yeah, here's Leopold, he moved in a long time-

[''Sonichu makes his way to a green rooster's abode'']

Here's Hank, he's one of the senior citizens around here also. [unintelligible]

[''Sonichu runs to a teal hippo's house'']

Let's go see our new neighbor. Oh, here she is. She must be Bertha. Hello Bertha.

[''Sonichu talks to Bertha, Bertha talks about how nice the town is, etc.'']

It is a nice place. Heh you're scatterbrained. Yeah, okay, well see you around!

[''Sonichu heads south towards a museum'']

[Chris Grunts] Here's the Museum.

[''Sonichu heads inside'']

Let's go look at the exhibits.

[''We see the inside of the museum as Sonichu heads toward the insect section'']

First, we'll look at the bug exhibit.

[''Sonichu is now inside the insect section'']

I caught most of the bugs.

I'll show 'ya. This is my bug collection, I caught them all one-by-one and donated them one-by-one.

[[I Got A Fish|Wanna' see my number of fish?]] Not as much. Not as much. Anyway, uh, all the bugs are just runnin' around here. Hey, whaddya' know, we got a couple- few bugs on the trees here. Two of them are fighting. Well, that's funny, like [[cats|Lucy and Desi]]. [[I Love Lucy|I love Lucy]].

Anyway, uh, nebit, cebit, zibit, the fish exhibit. Yeah, you can see here I caught those fish and I donated them. Hmm, this one is empty. I guess it's waiting for a kind donation. Yeah, here's a bunch of fish; here's some more fish. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Alright, anyway, moving on with the tour the museum, take a look at the paintings. I haven't gotten them all yet, but, uh, I got a few. Here's a nice one, it's strange though. sw- why- I gu- why I'd call it a strange painting. Yeah, some of them are- most of them are just waiting for a kind donation, but I got this one from a swipe. Your uh, Common Painting, from Ol' Boots. Well, my favorite painting around here is, uh, right here. Washington crossing the Delaware, but you guys call it the Classic Paining.

Anyway, moving on. We're gonna' check out what I worked hard for and actually got done, the fossil section. All the fossils, right here; all of them! Dug them all up! Though the last one I completed and the last one I picked up was the pterodactyl. All I needed was the right wing and that completed the pterodactyl. As well as the fossil exhibit; and who's my favorite? It's obvious.

Anyway- oh, you can actually see a bug in that amber, y'know? That right there, I wonder what kind of bug that is. I think it was in the, uh, insect thing. Oh well, forget it. Anyway, moving on with the tour, leaving the museum. See you later, sleeping Blathers.

Well, here's another neighbor, Cookie; She just went in. Alright. Well, anyway, uh, since we're, uh, down here, I'm gonna' tell you a couple of things. This is a- here's a- here's the dock, right here, and there's the sea turtle. Of course I usually would check around the, uh, beach lines for old Gulliver, that sailor bird. You should have called him Pelliper like the Pokémon. You notice these two signs here? You need a Game Boy Advance to get started, but when you come back, welcome to the Gamecube.

Anyway, let's go visit the island real quick, 'cuz I'll show you something fun you could do on the island. I use my Game Boy Advance SP but I do have a GBA as well. Well, I use the, uh, SP for, uh, y'know the e-Reader because y'know my Digimon players. It's, uh, easier to hold as swiping as, as compared to the, uh, GBA, the original. Yeah- this sweet young lass, so full of spunk an' sass, over tea, she tells me I gots no class.I ain't no crummy creep who lives in [[Barbara|trash heaps]]! I'm just one old sea-hun who needs some sleep. *unintelligible noises* No, I do not. *rhythmic unintelligible noises* Woooh! I know, the singing annoys me too. I just mock it, and that's- that's why I kinda' have this thing on mute anyway. I listen to my music... every time I play. I actually turn it off right after we- just after we- just as we leave the, uh, bridge there.

So, anyway, this is my island, Cwcville island. Looket all these coconuts here, "In the tropical seas with the coconut trees, we will look and see, coconut." Fine little way to make a profit. Here's Flash. "Troz." I gave him that expression, like [[Wikipedia:Pinky and the Brain|''Pinky and the Brain'']]. So, let's say hello.

''[Flash asks for Sonichu's [[Fashion|rugby shirt]]]

I'll let you have it, 'cause [[Muscle bra|I don't need it]]. It doesn't look too bad on you.

Anyway, here's a fun way to make a profit, a'course, you need the Gameboy Advance for this. You shake the trees, you grab the coconuts. I put them all over her- I gathered them all over here, in this area, and then I just drag them over to the bird. And after the first three coconuts, he gives me money. And I just all put 'em back in the proper place around here. And when I come back to the island, Gamecube version, instead of the uh, on the Gamecube instead of in the Gameboy Advance, after uploading I collect the money, go as high as 30,000 bells, which is very nice.

Anyway, I'll show you what you can do on the house in the island.

[''Goes inside the house'']

I use mine as storage for the, uh, extras items I, uh, don't have room for, at home. Yeah, I got a bunch. 'Course, I got mostly wallpaper and shirts, that's why I got all these dressers.

[''Looks inside a dresser'']

But I've gotten all the uh, carpets from, uh, Sahara. She was here yesterday. Wel- How do I know? I usually keep track, I made a special sticker with my Gameboy camera and I just uh, whenever there's a holiday or ah, when there's a special event as noted by the Copper, I note it on the calender with one of those special stickers, or write it down whether it's for Cwcville or Cwc City.

[''Exits the house'']

Anyway, we're going to leave the island. See you later Flash! Troz! Or Zort!

[''Goes to Kapp'n so he can leave'']

Hey Kapp'n. Yeah I'm leavin'. No thank you.

[''Gets on the boat'']

Oh, by the way Sonichu's mug is the flag of the island. Obviously. Don't worry, this time I'm not going to imitate his singin'.

Instead I'll talk about something random. [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

Oh, by the way, those two characters at the tailor shop, Mabel and Sabel, are they hedgehogs or porcupines, cuz I dunno. They look like hedgehogs, and or porcupines, but ah, I'm not sure which are they. But either way, if they're hedgehogs, you got my vote on Sonic. Speaking of which, you should have make- ''Sonic Heroes'' should be Nintendo Gamecube exclusive, because [[Xbox]] and [[Sony|PlayStation 2]], my opinion is the same as yours, they both stink. Yeah, I do not even own them, I do not even want them, and that goes double for the PS One as well.

But if you want to know my game systems, I've had my Gamecube for about almost a year and a half now, got it on May thirty-first, twenty o'two. I got your SNES, Nintendo 64, NES, I got the Genesis 301, with the uh, original Genesis, 32X and Sega CD, as well as Sega Dreamcast, and a Sega Saturn. So I've got mostly all of them, I've been a Sonic fan forever, and that's why I'm glad that Sonic came to Nintendo.

[''Arrives back at Cwcville'']

By the way, you all may remember, that I sent you guys a letter, talking about my dream of Sonic on Game Boy, well you go on my website, check the uh, about the author section, you'll see the ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine cover I made up just for the occasion.

Anyway, welcome back to the Gamecube, let's move on with the tour, shall we? Anyway, we're gonna check the island. Oh, Lighthouse, oh will look at this, there's a weed, I pick weeds, keeps my town clean, as well as uh, Cwc City.

Oh, here's the other billboard I don't kn-know if I've shown you, [[Pokemon|Magikarp]]. that's for the fishing tourney, I drew a Magikarp just for it. Yeah, that's a Magikarp, I didn't have room for a Gyarados.

So, way, ah, here's the Tailor Shop. I got a Game Boy Advance right here as well because, you know, I can use my Gameboy Advance here. So let's go in and see what I got on display.

[''Enters Able Sisters shop'']

Yeah I mean what are they, hedgehogs or porcupines, cuz I can't tell. Anyway, I got Sonichu an Ro-, I got Sonichu right here. Oh, and by the way, this is his girlfriend, you want to know what her name is? [[Rosechu]]. See how that's spelled? Yeah, but you'll see- you'll probably see her and her body on the uh, letter that's included with the VHS here. So anyway, that's her favorite flower, called the Zapbud. Oh, and there's my Sonichu site logo, there's you acc- that you featured in ''Nintendo Power''. And a nice (swipe?) for the Poké Ball, as well as Star Fox emblem.

["Opens up his saved patterns"]

Here, let me show you the uh, rest of my uh, patterns. Most of them I put together. There's Sonic, right there. And this is Sonichu's evil twin, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]. I made the Mario as uh, kinda like, you know, the ''Nintendo Power''. Duh. If you guys had a shirt already, and the uh, game, that's from me and then you'll find out later. Oh, because [[It will never end|Spider-Man]] was in town recently, I was inspired. An here's Old Glory. Let's see. Yeah, these are the uh, older patterns I uh, kinda picked up from the shirts as much. And these are patterns I put together myself, there's the Magikarp, and there are others, like you got from ''Nintendo Power'', like the corn, [[the Moon]], groovy. Groovy! I call it groovy. There's the mushroom and the mug. Oh, I got something ready for Christmas, you know, you may notice the wreath back there. Let's see, yeah, here the uh, swiped images. Ah, by the way, you remember Tim Timetrail, that's his logo right there, I call it Time Travel, it's got his name written on there, Time- Tim Timetrail.

Could you excuse me for a minute, I've got an itch in my eye. [''A few seconds pause''] Alright. Anyway, that's taken care of. Let's see, I guess.

[''Selects Time Travel shirt and moves it around'']

What'd I do that for? I'm putting it back. Anyways that's-a, images I got so far.

[''Talks to Mabel'']

No, no thank you, we got nothing. So I'll see you all later. Or ah, another day, somewhat. Hey, I think that looks uh-familar, what Mabel's sewing up, or's that Sabel? I think that's the noodle design.

[''Exits Able Sisters shop'']

Anyway, moving on. Another weed, well what do you know about that. I usually like to run, it ke-keeps me going faster. Oh, by the way, Puck lives here.

Oh, what do you know, a hole in the ground. I usuall- also usually uh, during my rounds, ["Digs up fossil"] I check for these holes. ["Raises pitch of voice"] And it's an antique! And of course, if I dig up a fossil I just quickly write a letter to the Museum. And I don't have to write anything, so I just get that out of the way real quick. I only keep my shovel in hand cuz there may be a few more holes around here somewhere. Well look at this, another weed.

Anyway, no bird today. So le- let's go see Copper, see if there's anything new at the police station.

[''Talks to Copper'']

Any goings-on? Nothing of import, huh.

It's hard to catch that b- bird you know, the uh, postal character Pete. One time I tried, but then he just flew away. Anyway, you got anything in the police station today Copper? That is uh, anything lost? Oh, we got something? Oh good, I'll go take it, I just usually pick it up and sell it later.

[''Enters police station'']

By the way, as fer the Gulliver, if he has something I have not collected yet, I'll usually keep it. Seeds? Oh well, I'll take it. I could always plant those. Cuz they won't make much of a profit. Anyway, if uh, Gulliver has a gave me something that I already have, I usually just sell it.

[''Exits Police Station'']

Makes a nice profit. Uh anyway, let's plant these flowers. Uh, here's a good place.

[''Plants flowers'']

Alright, what do you know, red tulips.

Anyway uh, there's ah, what's her name. Oh yeah, Portia. Anyway, uh, let's see. Oh yeah, there's Leigh right there.

Oh by the way, you know for Mint? I got her card as well, her ''Animal Crossing'' card. Oh yeah, Chuckles! He likes to wear belt buckles! [[Random Access Humor|Rhyme joke]]. So anyway, uh, moving a little north. Here's the uh, Nook Shop. I got it the best, obviously. But if it gets any better, I'll be surprised. So anyway, uh, let's go inside.

[''Enters Nook's Shop'']

See what see what look lik- See what old Nook has today. [''Sighs'']. Oh, I got to sell these items, I usually do that, I sell him the items.

[''Starts selling things to Nook'']

Items I don't need. Those fossils make a nice little profit, espeg- especially the uh, one that's not within the top five. Whoops. I pressed the B button by mistake.

[''Continues to sell, and starts to hum'']

Doops, I goofed. Yeah, foreign fruits, 500. Although the peaches only get you 100 here. By the way, same fruit in Cwc City, it's a pear. Oh, and I need a sign anyway, so I'll just go ahead and get one of those.

[''Buys sign, clicks through Nook's dialogue about using the sign, and starts humming'']

Anyway, we're going upstairs.

[''Goes upstairs'']

What do ya know, we got the gruesome twosome. They're a comical pair. Ugn, let's see, a blue dresser. Uhh, iris table, refrigerator. Yes, I got this refrigerator already, so I don't need it. I already got the water bird. I've seen those shirts before. Ugn, look at all of these two, they chase me around wherever I go, like I'm some sort kind of [[Autism|nut]] or something. Watch this.

[''Chris makes odd noises that might be mistaken for humming, as he runs around the store and watches the salesman chase him. Sometimes art does imitate real life'']

Almost caught me there. Okay, I'm leaving.

[''Goes downstairs'']

Let's see, was there any other business I need? Oh, I guess I need more paper. So I'll get a sheet, get a pack.

[''Buys paper'']

That's quick, I just pick a random style and just go with that. By the way, in case you're wondering about those button noises, I got the microphone taped to the uh, Gamecube Wavebird here.

Anyway, I'll show you something you can do with the raffle tickets you pick up from here.

[''Exits Nook's Store'']

Instead of making a [[Tour of Chris's House|mess in my house]], I bury them right here, next to the Nook Shop. It's a good place to locate them. So when I'm ready at the end of the month, I just pick up as many as I can hold.

[''Digs up raffle ticket, then buries it again'']

I'm just going to put it back, because it ain't November 30th yet. Oh I guess I don't need this shovel anymore.

[''Puts away shovel'']

Now I'm going to make use of this uh, sign here, the way I should have long time ago, because I didn't think about it. It's already been done in Cwc City, but... Right here by the Post Office, you can use your GBA, oh, well that's a bad place for it. I'm picking it back up. Oh what do you know, another weed.

[''Pulls weed'']

Must of missed that earlier. Anyway, you may post a design, Gameboy Advance, whoops.

[''Picks up sign accidentally'']

What'd I do that for, I'm puttin' it back.

[''Puts it back and adds Gameboy design again'']

There we go. [''Burps''] Excuse me. Hm, I've got well over fifty thousand, so I'm going to make a deposit.

[''Enters Post Office'']

It's ny- It's a good idea to- that you guys did have when you made this thing not only a post office. Oh, I got to mail off that fossil anyway. And I don nee- And it's a good idea to not only you make this into a post office but a bank, saves ya a building. So anyway, see, let's make a deposit. One, two, three, four, five.

[''Deposits 50,000 bells'']

Seven hundred and fifty thousand. It's good saved. I made most of my money from the e-Reader swipes, which I'll tell you about that in Cwc City.

[''Exits Post Office'']

Anyway, uh, lets see. I guess that's it for Cwcville. You guys will be back later. And that- And when you come back, I'll tell you about this sign here. [''Sign saying "H.F.A"'']

Anyway, I'm going home, and I'm gonna save. You may save, Mister Gyroid.

[''Goes inside the house to save, hums a bit'']

You may save and quit.

[''Noise in the background, possibly the radio'']

[''Chris begins to sing''] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do, hey mellow color! Yellow is a mellow color, yes it is. [''Chris stops singing'']

Okay. see you in Cwcville- I mean Cwc City.

[''Title screen'']

At this time, I switched the memory cards. Cuz, ah, I got Cwcvville currently in Slot A, and Cwc City in Slot B. I'm switching the two, putting City in Slot A and Ville in Slot B. So now I'm pressin' the start button.

And here's a resident, Iggy. Here you got- get that down. Cwc City, that's the name of the city right there.

[''Yellow Is A Mellow Color playing faintly in the background'']

And that's her name, Crystal, make sure you get that down. Alright, getting things ready. Have a blast, huh, well that's a fun thing to say.

[''Cwc City is loaded, and starts'']

Anyway ah, this is Crystal. She's wearing the uh, Rosechu look. There's a Zapbud on the door, I got Sonichu- Rosechu's mug right here. [''A sign with Rosechu's face on it''] Yeah, an her ensemble, but let's take a tour of her house first.

[''Goes inside the house'']

It ain't much since, uh, she basically got started, but she's almost done paying off her debt to old Nook. There's your website again. [''A Nintendo bench with their website on it''] Oh look, there's the R-Wing, launching into the uh, Super Mario Brother's World. [''The wallpaper is from Mario'']

Which reminds me, I got to get those two boxes to those two passwords later. Anyway, here's her diary. She got started only on November twelfth. Sonichu got started on October twenty-fourth. Anyway let's see, what else have we got here. Yeah, I got the two logos. Well would you look at that, I got them in the wrong place.

[''Starts moving around the logos'']

Oh well, I'll just move 'em. I didn't notice that before, I got 'em in the wrong place. Well that's no problem. I'll just quickly move them around. Hm, they make it loo- You guys make it look tough to move things around, but actually it's not. Let's see what time it is. Oh, it's one forty-five, huh? Well, it's getting close to being later in the afternoon.

There's her tree, she's getting ready for Christmas too. Let's take a quick trip upstairs.

[''Goes upstairs'']

She got her NES games she got collected up here. A plain old falsehood right there, Super Tortimer. Why'd you guys make that game up anyway? It's so- It's stupid. Cuz it's fake. Anyway, here's a thing. I got lucky and found this. I think I dug it up. Oh-no, wait a minute, I got it from Redd, long time ago. Oh, here's her harvest bed. I got a couple empty tables for- getting ready for a couple more NES games. [''Sighs'']

[''Goes downstairs'']

Anyway uh,

[''Continues down to the basement'']

Her basement isn't sa- as busy as uh, Cwcville, but she's got a few models down here. A couple of tracks models. Oh, there's the Moon. You guys made that thing really big you know, it's too big for me, if you ask my opinion.

Huh, Katrina's a little off, I'm just gonna move her real quick, there we go. Alright, you know there's the glow clock, you notice I had glow [[pickles|cock]]- glow clock in the basement in Cwcville as well.

Oh, you know what, ah, ruh- Crystal's worn her Rosechu outfit long enough.

[''Tries to change her outfit'']

Oops. I guess I can't do that yet. Well, never mind.

[''Goes upstairs'']

Anyway, moving on.

[''Leaves house'']

Before we take a tour of the city, I'mma tell you how to make a f- how you make a fun profit with the e-Reader. I'll check the bulletin board.

[''Checks the bulletin board'']

Ah, that's an oldie.

[''Walks to the Train Station'']

Anyway, 'course, there's the Train Station, I told you earlier about that in Cwcville. There's Rosey's mug. You see no statue cuz, she hasn't paid her debt off. That's why we're going to do this with Crystal. Oh, give me a second would ja, I got to do something real quick.

[''A few seconds pass'']

I'm having my Game Boy and my Wavebird at the same time. That's why I put it over there too.

I use my uh, SP as well here. You know, ah, my funds uh, right here, right? Help my funds. I'm gonna- show you guys something real quick- I use my Game Boy Advance SP to help me out here, since you know, the Digimon deal. Not only that, but, the noise it makes, helps me, uh, clarify, whether I uh, got the card read right. I usually do it ten at a time, I'll tell- elaborate about that more later. But I'm gonna do this on purpose, uh, swipe it awkwardly.

Oops, I musta goofed up. Anyway, gonna try that again, see and ah uh, hear the noise that makes.

Oh, that's right, cuz, ya see, I uh, prepared in advance by, uh, [''Clears throat''] you know, showing you showing my profit.

By goin' on ahead and takin' care of the first set of thirty cards out of 63 that I own so far. Cuz like I said, do it ten at a time. By anyway, ah,

[''Exits Post Office'']

[''Sighs'']

Let me just go ahead an uh, show you how you make a nice little profit. Okay, first step you uh, swipe the first ten cards, right? Cuz that's the maximum you can hold in your mailbox. Open your mailbox, get your ten letters into your hold there. And then you just, ah, grab and drop it to the first ten slots. By the way, rule of thumb, elaborate earlier with the five down here. Cuz you know, when you ah, sell your items to Tom, it usually ends up on the first item, and you- that, that way you have these guys on the bottom, they will not get in the way, you won't have to move the uh, hand.

So anyway, uh, we're gonna go to the Nook Shop. There's Iggy again, gonna play with his ball. Like I said, I haven't gotten that far here yet, in Cwc City.

[''Enters Nook Shop'']

There's old Tom. I've taken care of all my uh, errands, like ah, Chris and the little Sonichu I showed you back there. Anyway, we're going to do some selling.

[''Starts selling things to Nook, some other song from Christian and the Hedgehog Boys in the background'']

Obviously, I don't have sa- much to say at this point. So I'm just going to let you guys listen to the music while I sell.

[About 30 seconds later, he finishes selling, and leaves the store]

Okay, I got more to say. After I uh, sell the uh, first set ten, I get that out of the way. Like I said before, of course I do this with the R button.

[''Starts removing gifts from letters, then deleting the letters'']

I just pick up, and put 'em over there. 'Course, I have precise order, I do it from the first letters- first card swiped to the last card swiped. I usually swipe them in the uh, in order of their card numbers. Cuz ah, that's just the way I do it. Also, I use the uh, ''Animal Crossing'' card that came with the e-Reader,you notice the musical note in the first set. I just count that as card triple zero. Makes a good idea, by the way, according to- by the way, speaking of the e-Reader cards, you guys should really uh, print out some more uh, of series- more of the early series. like series one. Cuz, you know, since I just just started you sh- I really want to collect those. And uh, I really would like if you uh, publish some more of those uh, series ones. I don't care if do like you know, second edition or whatever. But print out more of those cards, please. Anyway, uh, I just click- just [[Mailbag|read the letters real quick and then throw them away]] like junk mail. After I get rid of the presents.

[''Finishes throwing letters away'']

By the way, I hope you guys took note of the uh, amount in the previous deal in the Post Office. Anyway, after I delete the last letters, I open them up.

[''Opening up all his gifts'']

One by one, in an orderly flash- orderly fashion. A'most said orderly flashin'! Anyway...

[''Finishes opening his gifts'']

Let's see, with that done, I head back home.

[''Runs to his mailbox'']

And get the next set of ten I have ready. And then I head back to the Post Office.

[''Runs to Post Office'']

And swipe the next set of ten.

[''Enters Post Office'']

And uh, just to let you know, every fifty- every point over fifty thousand, you should make a deposit. But since I'm a good number at start, I'm not gonna do that. So, uh, after all the uh, e-Reader swipes, you should come up to a very nic-

[''Video cuts out for a second, possibly the result of Chris editing the video so we wouldn't have to wait for him to swipe the e-Reader cards'']

an profable- profitable proposition there. And after ah, swiping all those cards, then a nice grand total there. We can make a very generous donation. Or should I say deposit? The usual fifty-thou.

[''Deposits 50,000 bells'']

Here ya go. No thank you. Well, anyway ah, besides ah, selling those things, those uh, profitable items from the e-Reader cards, if there are any I haven't collected yet, I usually just keep 'em.

[''Exits Post Office'']

(Cuz I like the sound of them?) Like for example, the uh, Pansy models downstairs. And well, since that's over with.

[''Changes shirt'']

She just changed into her regular- her uh, nice warm clothing for the winter. Her ski sweater. So anyway, uh, let's see uh. Oh yes, I guess I should- she shoul- we should give you a tour of Cwc City.

Well, you have seen the uh, Post Office, and the Nu- Nook Shop. But I'll tell you the dump is in the opposite location compared to CWCville. And there it is, the dump. And uh, let's see. There's Money. She used to live in CWCville but she moved here. And there's Sally. She moved here.

[''Checks map'']

I have to check the map every now and then because the different location. Let's see, there's Carmen. [''Sing-song''] Carmen San Diego! Carmen San Diego!... Causing mischief around the world!

Let's see now. Oh yeah, that's Pinky. That's Pinky. There's the Museum. Oh, would you look at this, a hole in the ground. Let's see what's in it.

[''Digs up fossil'']

And it's [[Bob|an antique]]!

Must have missed that one previously. Oh well, I'll just simply write the old Museum a letter. Or not write a letter. Like I sent it to them anyway. [Goes to put away shovel, then changes his mind]

Ah, I best to hold on to that just in case. Let's see. Oh, Katrina's tent, she's here today. And there's Rollo. I think a friend sen- I think of Sanford and Son everytime I see Rollo. [''Scatman Chris''] Doo-doo-doo-doo-a-rawdl-et-do-do-do-do-alot-dude-alot-do-do-dolot-a-dood-alot-dooo. Do-do.

Speakin' of fr- speakin' of Sanford and Sons, my father an I, we have a relationship like Stanford and Son. He starts more arguments than there are flies in a garbage dump. Anyway, let's see, I took every care of business, and I do not need to talk to Copper, but there's the Police Station.

And what's at the shoreline for that stupid bird, and possibly anymore uh, holes in the ground.

[''Singing'']

There's nothing quite like a hole in the ground, hole in the ground, hole in the ground. There's nothing like a hole in the ground, here is, the lighthouse!

[''Stops singing'']

We got a stone bridge here in the city.

[''Sings again'']

There's nothing like a hole in the ground, a hole in the ground

[''Stops singing'']

Oh, we got two neighbors up here. Let's see. Yeah. There's a, Jeremiah. we got a new neighbor. Yeah, that was Pinky. She moved in today. Anyway, there;s the Tailor Shop. Right here. Already took you there over in Cwc Ci- Cwcville. And well, here's the dock. The island is, uh, we kept it for the ah, kre- for a memorial, we used Tim Timetale's island. As uh, we uh, trans- we exchanges between us- we exchanged it with the original island of Cwc City. Anyway, it's got the Tim Timetale flag on it. So we're not going to bother going there. Anyway, you know the two signs.

[''Goes to Wishing Well'']

Well. That joke never gets old. Anyway, there are two holiday signs, got 'em down here, here in the city. There's Rosey, and we got the Sonichu site logo here as well. There's a uh, shovel tree. That's Buzz. Buzz Lightyear. To infinity, and on your head! Oh, and there's uh, Cashmire. I got a card for Baah-bra.
Huh, too bad she ain't here. And uh, I'm not sure, oh wait, yes I'm sure. Yeah, you have seen him, uh, Iggy. He's around here somewhere. I'm not gonna bother. Anyway, here's the Nook Shop, once again. And well, uh, I guess that's it for uh, Cwc City. oh, I got the fishing tourney sign around here somewhere. You've already seen that, so I'm not gonna bother finding it.

Anyway uh, let's see. Oh, I got to mail this uh, fossil off. After I do that, we're going to go back over to Cwcville for uh, closing ceremonies of this great documentary I've put together. you'll find out what that "H.F.A" stands for.

[''Goes inside post office'']

So, stay tuned! And relax.

[''Starts mailing letter'']

In the meantime, here's some music.

[''Plays Yellow is a Mellow Color'']

[''Exits Post office'']

[''Goes and saves his game'']

[''Start screen'']

[''Loads Cwcville'']

[''Finally turns off Yellow is a Mellow Color'']

Welcome back to Cwcville! And we're here for the closing ceremonies, so the uh, documentary of the city of Cwcville and Cwc City in Animal Crossing, [''Raises pitch of voice''] for Nintendo Gamecube! But first, I'm gonna tell you a couple of things. Sonichu and Rosechu. [''Burps''] [''Faintly''] Excuse me.
I'm just going to let you know who they are, they're Pokemon. I made them up. They're both Electric-types, alright. Obviously. Sonichu and Rosechu are Pokemon I made up. They're Electric-types. They've got evolution, [[Metonic]] and [[Vamprosa]]. You want pictures, you gotta ask me for them. Also they got baby forms, [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and Rosey]], they're cuties. So anyway, if you've missed it the first couple of times.

[''Shows bulletin saying "CWC's Sonichu Site!
http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm"'']

Here is one last time. Okay, and uh, to answer the all important question; What is the meaning of "H.F.A"? With the two red eyes. I will tell you. Got that? it means "High Functionally [[Autism|Autism]]" because that's what I am, I'm High Functionally Autistic. I may have autism, but since I'm [[honor roll|high functional]], I do all- I can do alot of things. I mean otherwise I wouldn't even do this documentary I'm doing right now.

So let's see, is there anything else I need to cover? Well, I guess not. But anyway, uh, this is the city of Cwcville and there's a- don't forget Sonichu website if you want to go see it. I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember. And listening to music as long as I can remember. So, we're going to end this documentary by obviously leaving. If you want credits, ya have to look at the uh, enclosed letter.

[''Starts saving game'']

But anyway, uh, pu- for in the submission of Nintendo Power. This has been a, [[Chris and Ego|documentary narrated by Christian Weston Chandler]]. Thank you very much, and I hope that you will [[Chris and Reality|consider this for publication]]. Bye now.

[''Title screen'']

[''Voice in the background, possibly [[Snorlax]], saying "Stop!"'']

[''Video end'']

==''Nintendo Power'' article==

''[[Nintendo Power]]''’s May 2004 article on Chris’s documentary covers only Sonichu’s life in Cwcville. The way that the article speaks of Sonichu’s actions, most casual readers would be led to believe that “Sonichu” is the real name of the person who submitted the documentary.

[[Image:CWCSchuCross.jpg|thumb|center]]

===Transcript===

{{quotenews|'''Sonichu’s Cwcville Documentary'''

Simply amazing. There’s no other way to describe what we received from Sonichu of Cwcville—a full video documentary that walked us through his daily life. His opulent manor contained every manner of furniture. Cwcville’s landscape was filled to the bursting point with all the animals who’d moved to his well-tended town. And Sonichu has customized everything about his town—even many villagers have followed his bold trends, wearing the patterns he has created!

''(Image captions)''

*Sonichu has packed the museum with his fads—its bug collection is hopping.
*He often visits Sonichu Island to bring its high-value coconuts to town.
*And he uses the spare hut on the island to store his huge collection of oddities.
*Cwcville is brimming with Sonichu’s patterns, including the popular Poké Ball.}}

==PVCC's news report==

The 26 April 2004 issue of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC's]] school newspaper, ''The Forum'', included a news report on the "accomplishments" of then-student Christian Chandler. The first half of the article discusses Chris's OFFICIAL and ORIGINIAL creation, Sonichu, while the second half covers Chris's Animal Crossing Documentary, going so far as to quote ''[[Nintendo Power]]'''s own coverage. Everyone can draw their conclusions of how slow news day it was at the PVCC by comparing how big the ''Nintendo Power'' article was, and how big this article was.

===Transcript===

[[File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|center|Meet Sonichu]]

{{quotenews|'''Meet Sonichu''' ''Student featured in "Nintendo Power"''

By Kari Mitchell ''The Forum assistant editor''

Most everyone has a hobby. It may be hard to find free time in between classes, especially with exam week quickly approaching, but PVCC student Christian Chandler, has dedicated many hours to his past time. He is the creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

Like Sonic, Sonichu can run at high speeds. "During Super Sonic's battle against the [[Perfect Chaos Monster|Perfect Chaos monster]] (''Sonic Adventure DX'' for Gamecube), Super Sonic was spat out by the monster, and colldied with a by-standing Pikachu," Chandler explained. According to his story, the power from the Chaos Emeralds transformed Pikachu into Sonichu.

The idea for the character came from a project Chandler was assigned his senior year of high school. He was enrolled in a computer graphics class that required him to design a CD cover. His original idea was to put Sonic and Pikachu on the cover, however, both characters are copyrighted. Instead he decided to combine the characters into something all his own. Thus, on March 17, 2000, Sonichu was born.

Over time, Chandler began to mold and expand the life of Sonichu, giving him stories, homemade trading cards, clay figures, a board game, and a [[Sonichu medallion]] with charms, among other things.

Chandler and the world he created for Sonichu were featured in the May 2004 issue of ''Nintendo Power.'' The place was called Cwcville (The "Cwc" prefix are his initials, Christian Weston Chandler). Nintendo Power was apparently impressed with Chandler's work. "Simply amazing. There's no other way to describe what we received from Sonichu of Cwcville - a full video documentary that walked us through his daily life." The documentary, running about an hour, was taped from the Nintendo Gamecube title, ''Animal Crossing''. He dubbed his voice over the sound through a microphone and audio input in his VCR. In the documentary, Chandler covers "basically how I do things in ''Animal Crossing'' as the boy character, Sonichu, in the city of Cwcville." Some of the tasks include using the journal as a monthly diary, making money, customizing the city, and conversing with another ''Animal Crossing'' city. For now, Sonichu remains a hobby in the future, Chandler would like to see Sonichu and his friends as real Pokémon, even having their own Nintendo Gamecube video game title. "I am not really sure what to do in order to do all that," Chandler said, "but for now, Sonichu and I, Christian C., are in Nintendo Power Magazine!"}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]|nextlink=[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2003-11-22]]

Barbara Chandler

2011-12-19T16:52:37Z

DannWoolf:

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}

{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the [[Internet]].|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}

{{quote|I ain't got no [[black]] ass! You get your gutter ass down in the gutter and shut up!|Barbara, during a [[Prank_calls|prank call]], to a recording of her husband's voice}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age 70)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Appearance==
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''Snorlax''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article for some strange reason.
{{clear}}

==Family life==
Barbara is the daughter of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1954) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old, in 1926.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>
===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]]]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to date guys who curse a lot, and obsesses over them". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG</ref>

In 1995, an internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[true and honest]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

Yeatts died on June 6th, 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is [[Barbara]]'s former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on September 6, 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]]<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Song_of_christian</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cutco</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}} She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara occasionally spoons with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'']</ref>

While having a special needs child is a major [[stress|stressor]] in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.

==Recent health problems==
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction]]

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/> {{clear}}

==Action Mom==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were released on bail, and Chris's hearing took place on 7 November 2011. It is currently unknown what happened during Barb's hearing.

==In the comics==

[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son]]

Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==Audio appearances==

* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* [[Matthew Noble call]]: In this call, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.

==Video appearances==

Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M&feature=channel_video_title Interview about Barb]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Shigeru Miyamoto

2011-12-15T14:19:27Z

DannWoolf:

[[Image:Shigeru_Miyamoto_cropped.jpg|thumb|Shigeru Miyamoto - creator of ''Mario'', ''Link'', and many beloved video game characters. He is considered to be "the Walt Disney of gaming". Yet Chris insists Miyamoto would be more impressed with him.]]
{{quote|I'm certain Mr. Miyamoto wants to meet up with me and discuss the future of Sonichu and the Sonichu Alpha Project, as much as I'd be humbled and honored to meet with him and discuss the matter; [[Chris and his ego|PROBABLY MORE FOR HIM]], becuase I am the Original Creator of Sonichu, [[Rosechu]], the other associated characters and the city of [[Cwcville]] around them all.|Chris on Miyamoto}}

'''Shigeru Miyamoto''' (Japanese: 宮本茂) is the creator of some of [[Nintendo]]'s most legendary video game franchises such as ''Mario'', ''Zelda'', and ''Star Fox'' and is a colleague of Nintendo of America president [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]. Back in 2009, he engaged in preliminary discussions with [[Chris]] regarding the possibility of making a [[Sonichu]] game for the Nintendo platform. Unfortunately for Chris, these discussions, and the opportunity to develop a Sonichu game franchise with a major gaming label, ultimately fell through.

==Early contact==

On 15 [[August 2008]], Chris asked his fanbase to persuade Nintendo and Sega to open discussions with him to create a video game based on his Sonichu character.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref> In response, a [[troll]] sent this e-mail to Chris. (The awkward backslashes are a side-effect of the software used by the troll to forge the email headers).

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
Dear Chris Chandler, 
Good evening. My name is Shigeru Miyamoto. Perhaps you\'ve heard of me. If you haven\'t, then allow me to introduce myself. I am the general manager of Nintendo and creator of Mario, Zelda, and countless other franchises.

I normally do not talk directly to fans in this matter as I am a very busy man. However, over the past few months, I have received countless amounts of emails from your fans stating that you wish for my company and Sega to create a game based on your fan character.

I am sorry to say this but I cannot and will not allow this to happen. There are several problems with your proposal, the first of wich is the simple fact that your character is NOT original. You can not make a game by combining two characters from opposing companies and then call it a new game. Things do not work this way.

Second of all, I have read your comics and they would not make a good concept for a game. It seems as though your comics are all about you and your personal problems.

You seem to have created a sort of alternate reality based around you and you only. You must understand one thing if you want to make a game. Video games are a medium where you must think of what other people want. Nobody wants to play a game where it\'s all about you and you only. Nobody wants to play a game about a person\'s inner thoughts and their problems with the world. People have problems of their own. People play games to escape from the problems of the real world, into a reality that they can feel a part of. Your game idea doesn\'t provide that. It only focuses on you and the things that bother you.

Third, I have already spoken with the president of Sega and he even thought that it was proposturous. Not only that, the amount of cooperation it wiould talk to make such a game would never work in reality. Even if we did merge Pikachu and Sonic, who would take the credit for it? Sega would lose the character that basically is their identity and Nintendo would end up with a character that quite frankley just isn\'t an original or new idea.

I\'m sorry but we can\'t do this and we outright refuse to have any part in your game idea proposal. Please stop sending us emails about this as it is simply not possible or probable for us to even entertain such an idea.

Please don\'t take this too hard on yourself. Maybe someday you can come up with an original idea and we can work togehter [sic]. But right now, you don\'t seem to have anything that can work as a video game. I wish you luck in your future endevours and I hope you have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Shigery Miyamoto
General Manager, Nintendo Company Ltd. </div>

Shortly after receiving the above, Chris posted the following entry on his [[Sonichu.net]] blog. Chris's flat out refusal to ignore the unpleasant truth proved to be an early example of his delusional thinking.

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
The Big Brain behind Super Mario, Zelda and other Popular Nintendo characters and games, Shigeru Miyamoto, sent me an e-mail with his response to the Sonichu Game Project. He says Nay, but I bet's he could be holding out on us, or something. So, I say this unto you, my loyal fans, continue with the e-mails and Forum Talks with Nintendo and SEGA of America or Japan. They are missing out on a REAL Profitable thing they can work with me on and cash in handsomely. I sent a detailed reply, but it came back to me in a "Mailer Daemon" message, so I've taken the liberty of printing a copy of the original message, and a copy of my reply that I will send to Nintendo of America for them to transfer to Mr. Miyamoto himself. Give them time and messages.</div>

==The Miyamoto Saga==
[[Image:Cwcmail.png|thumb||right|Christian discussing his censorship because of Miyamoto's intervention.]]
{{main|Miyamoto Saga}}

In January 2009, Chris started to receive a new series of e-mails from Miyamoto that were more receptive to his ideas than previous ones. Chris quickly overcame his lingering suspicion regarding the authenticity of the previous email encounter as the new emails informed him that Miyamoto was interested in meeting Chris to talk about creating a Sonichu game after all.

==Trolled==
[[Image:Nintendo's Reponse.png|thumb|Nintendo on Sonichu]]
Eventually, Chris finally received a [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|legitimate response from the real Nintendo]]. Only then did it become clear to Chris that he had, yet again, fallen victim to the [[trolls]]. However, instead of admitting defeat, Chris hailed his discovery a victory.

==References==
<references />

==See also==

*[[Clyde Cash]]
*[[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto]]
*[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Shigeru Miyamoto|Wikipedia article on Shigeru Miyamoto]]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Miyamoto, Shigeru}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga]]

Chris and the industry

2011-12-15T09:28:02Z

DannWoolf:

{{incomplete}}
{{quote|----When Do You Want [[Nintendo]] and [[SEGA]] to Talk to Me to EVOLVE [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] more Realistically?----
NOW!!!|Chris, [[An Important Update|demanding that multinational corporations take orders from a nobody]]}}

Chris has had numerous '''aspirations to work in creative industries'''. So far, he has expressed his desire to make [[Sonichu (game)|several official ''Sonichu'' video games]], and work on a real [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] for a real comic publisher. However, [[Chris and his Ego|for reasons best known to himself]], he elects not to find out how these industries actually work, which is quite strange; one would assume that a person seeking a career in the industries would at least take ''some'' effort to find out how the said industries work.

== Publishing ==

In ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'' and [[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his [[art]] isn't just good, but professional quality, and that he aspires to get into the comics and video game business. The résumé reveals his widely varied skills with both pens and crayons and his desire to work as an artist for a professional comic company such as [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie Comics]] or [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], creating his ''Sonichu'' comics. There is no word on whether or not he actually submitted anything to these companies, or if they replied.

Unfortunately for Chris, the publishing industry doesn't work this way, especially not in case of "original" creations. In the case of an original work, the publishers expect complete works to be submitted to them, usually through an agent. An agent's job is to separate the [[Asperchu|wheat]] from the [[Sonichu (comic)|chaff]] and find the correct publisher for the work, taking a small percentage of the eventual profit for their reward. If the publishers take unsolicited submissions, they have to sift through a gigantic backlog (often called "slushpile") of submissions of highly varying quality, most of which end up rejected multiple times before there will be a publisher with right market in mind and the right publication schedule to allow the publication deal to go forward. The whole process can take years in case of a single work.

If comic book publishers have salaried artists, they usually need to have a portfolio of previous work, usually work that has already been published commercially, or (if the comic house is ''particularly'' lenient, and most big names aren't) there has to be evidence of a successfully self-published, high-quality comic. And even in this case, these artists usually only work on characters and plotlines that come from inside the house; it can take time before the artist is in any position to present their own ideas for comics, or use their own original characters. Even if he ''were'' able to stick in a company for a long time, he'd still need to improve his communication skills a lot. If the ''[[Sonichu Chronicles]]'' PowerPoint and various phone conversations are of any indication, he's unable to persuade his superiors that his ideas are worth working on.

In short, Chris is deluded if he thinks that any company will just pick him up and tell him to work on ''Sonichu'' comics.

Even if Chris does get in, there's also the problem with scheduling. Most comics are worked on far in advance, thus allowing for any changes concerning a book, such as plot problems, character availability changes or even cancellations. Even so, many of them maintain a certain schedule, either monthly or bi-monthly (sometimes quarterly). Very rarely do comics go bi-weekly (one every two weeks), though weekly series have been more common ([[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC Comics]], for example, experimented with the weekly format in the [[1980s]] with ''[[Wikipedia:Action_Comics#Action_Comics_Weekly|Action Comics Weekly]]'', which bombed and put the title on hiatus for a few months, returning it to its normal ''[[Wikipedia:Action Comics|Action Comics]]'' title. Twenty years later, DC has churned out a number of weekly series, including ''[[Wikipedia:52 (comics)|52]]'', ''Countdown'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Trinity (comic book)|Trinity]]''.)

Chris, however, has no schedule. His schedule consists of "whenever he has the inspiration" to work. That doesn't cut it. If Chris went with that alone, he would have a release schedule that would rival that of infamous artist [[Wikipedia:Rob Liefeld|Rob Liefeld]]. And where Liefeld, for the most part, could get away with it because he owned his own company at one point (and people have gotten him to actually do the work), if Chris pulled this kind of stunt, he'd be out on the street so fast, his head would spin.

Chris's understanding of [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] is a chapter in itself. Publishers want primarily original works, because securing the necessary rights to publish derivative works is often difficult or impossible. Chris has even resisted attempts to educate him in this regard.<ref>[[Mailbag 29]]</ref>

== Fan fiction and ideas from the public ==
Chris could approach [[Sega]] and [[Nintendo]] and ask them to make ''Sonichu'' games, comics and merchandise. This plan would also be doomed to failure, because no media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this.

First, it takes effort to sift through idea piles and they can't give equal amount of thought on the bazillion ideas fans send them. While the game companies ''do'' listen to their fans, they usually just want to know if the time is ripe for something they've been planning to do. (For example, no doubt a big part of the reason why the newer ''[[Wikipedia:Fire Emblem|Fire Emblem]]'' games got worldwide release was because the fans of [[Wikipedia:Marth (Fire Emblem)|Marth]] and [[Wikipedia:List of Fire Emblem: Fūin no Tsurugi characters#Roy|Roy]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Super Smash Bros. Melee|Super Smash Bros. Melee]]'' were wondering aloud "why the hell isn't [[Nintendo]] releasing these games outside of Japan?") They most certainly don't have the capability of starting a whole new game project just because someone asks. If the game companies respond by saying Chris had, as he himself so [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|eloquently put]], "rocks in his head", then you probably don't get a slice of their precious time for making a second impression. Simply put, Chris thinks that even when the companies aren't busy with other projects, they still have time to think of ''his'' grandiose ideas ''and those things only''.

Second, there is an age-old problem in a litigious society: A fan writes to the company and says "I have this cool idea", the company says "thanks, but no thanks", one of the in-house writers comes up with exactly the same idea by accident, and boom, you have a fan who's suing you for idea theft, and even if that lawsuit will usually go nowhere, it wastes perfectly usable time, energy and most of all ''money'' that could be used for more fruitful ventures. A famous example is British novelist [[Wikipedia:Terry Pratchett|Terry Pratchett]], who used to post in his Usenet fan group until one of the fans was convinced Terry had stolen his ideas.

Therefore, most media houses will just say they will not take any ideas from the public. The game industry is not an exception. This fact has been pointed out to Chris a lot of times (and at least twice by real Nintendo representatives, as evidenced by the letters he has read in the Captain's Logs<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009]]</ref>). Unfortunately, Chris misinterpreted all this.

Another thing that Chris disregards is the fact that writing games takes a lot of effort. In [[Wikipedia:Thomas Edison|Thomas Edison]]'s words, getting things done is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." Many good ideas don't get implemented. No one is going to invest energy in developing an idea alone if they don't know if the idea can be implemented. Game companies may be willing to negotiate a deal to use their properties (such as characters) in games developed by third parties, but those proposals are usually backed up by real companies, actual creative teams of developers, and serious, complete plans for games, if not outright working prototypes already. Even in the case the properties are tacked on the prototype later on, the prototypes are usually fully developed so that they can be used ''without'' those properties if the plans fall through. (Example: ''[[Wikipedia:Star Fox Adventures|Star Fox Adventures]]'' began as a game that was completely unrelated to Star Fox universe, but Nintendo felt the game was better with SF characters.)

Theoretically, it would be possible, though highly unlikely, for Sega and Nintendo to cooperate enough the make a game featuring a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid named Sonichu. They would not, however, need any input from Chris, or even his permission, to combine characters that ''they'' own. Think about it. Of course, the idea of releasing it cross-platform for ''Sony consoles'' remains yet another absurd and fevered dream on the part of Chris.

In the Sonichu Chronicles he gives [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] "permission" to use the cover to his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]] as the inevitable cover for when his game is created, even though it's several years old (and, in fact, even ''worse'' than Chris's current skill at art).

== Other publication channels ==

Chris hasn't even tried any self-publishing channels. The idea has only recently been addressed, with [[Clyde Cash]] posting Chris's comics on [[Wikipedia:Lulu (company)|Lulu.com]]. Chris so far has only responded by encouraging his [[fans]] not to buy them, and to simply wait for him to release the "real" versions later. According to [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]], Chris has been fixing up his pages to be published on lulu, taking an unreasonable amount of time to accomplish this amazingly simple task.

The thought of monetizing his web comic hasn't crossed his mind either. People have been annoying – nay, ''harassing'' him with advertising he didn't approve of, yet when he attempted to replace these offensive ads with ads of his own, he simply put some random advertisements on his webpage ''without actually signing any sort of advertisement contract'' — the ads didn't make him any money. There are several advertising programs that allow individual people to put ads on their personal pages and make money out of them; some of these programs are even specifically geared toward webcomic artists. Many web comics have a donation box where readers can donate money to the artist via PayPal or similar services.

It also took a while for Chris to come up with the idea of drawing on-camera, and even then, he hasn't demonstrated it too often.

== Schedule slip ==
Most webcomics have a set schedule: some update weekly, some many times a week, some daily. Some webcomics update whenever the hell the artists get inspired enough to draw a comic, and probably reserve a whole forum for people who whine about lack of updates. Most webcomic artists that update the comic three times a week consider that schedule very demanding, and webcomics that update daily usually generate revenue of some sort (ads, donations, print versions, merchandise, what-have-you), allowing the artists treat their comics like a full-day job. These are called self-sufficient webcomics. (Examples: ''Penny Arcade'', ''xkcd'', ''Questionable Content'')

Chris has thoroughly embraced the point of view that the comic shouldn't have a set schedule and inspiration doesn't have a deadline... while ''also'' promising us that the comic would be updated daily. On 14 [[November 2009]], Chris promised that the comic would be updated daily, and he managed to fulfill this promise for a while. By the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris was already placing author-substitutes in the story telling people to quit whining about the lack of updates. This is obviously not a question of punctuality, but [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]]; Chris would avoid a lot of drama if he just admitted that there's no set schedule whatsoever after all. If one ''does'' consider this a question of punctuality, it doesn't look too good.

Chris also tends to update in spurts in an attempt to make up for missed days; this can range anywhere from three to twenty pages at a time. Most professional webcartoonists have a buffer of guest comics so that they can avoid this sort of thing, but the thought of doing so has apparently never entered Chris's [[autistic]] mind.

== Sources ==
<references/>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and copyright]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[An Important Update]]
* ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', Chris's not-very-creative-pitch-like PowerPoint presentation
* [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]], in which Chris likewise fails to sell a project idea
* [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' (game)]]

{{Chris and}}

Father Call

2010-11-13T23:20:24Z

DannWoolf: Fixed a minor typo

[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]

Early in [[November 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born 1957), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog|inability]] [[pokémon|to]] [[video games|grow]] [[sonichu|up]], [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[fat|rotund figure]], and for generally being a failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Transcript==
===Matthew makes the scene===
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right, actually I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause, reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Dad:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?

'''Dad:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Dad:''' Good, good... So, uh... So I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Dad:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]], I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Dad:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w-yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for like uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]...I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Dad:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Dad:''' And you're working at...''Target''...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27... sir.

'''Dad:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm... yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh... degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know... but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Dad:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get... in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh...I graduated in 2006.

'''Dad:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...

'''Dad:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Dad:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading Card Game league a few years back...

'''Dad:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Dad:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Dad:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that Pokémon thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Dad:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Dad:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Dad:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Dad:''' Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, pay? And I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Dad:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Dad:''' Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|2-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Dad:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] Almost 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.

'''Dad:''' And uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Dad:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Dad:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:'''Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.

'''Dad:''' ...with her help?

'''Chris:''' ...and get a place of my own...

'''Dad:''' You need her help to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like you know...um...some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Dad:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Dad:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Dad:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.

'''Dad:''' So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby===
'''Dad:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Dad:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself.

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Dad:''' Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].

'''Dad:''' Do you now.

'''Chris:''' I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Dad:''' So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Dad:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Dad:''' Are you now.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Dad:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Dad:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Dad:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Dad:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.

'''Dad:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Dad:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [In a relatively quiet sigh] Great.

'''Kacey:'''Anything else, dad?

'''Dad:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.

'''Dad:''' I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.

'''Dad:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Dad:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Dad:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Dad:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Dad:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Dad:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Dad:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Dad:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Dad:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Dad:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Dad:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Dad:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Dad:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Dad:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Dad:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Dad:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to [[Masturbate|create]] with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, [[Sex toys|anything]] I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Dad:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Dad:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Dad:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Dad:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Dad:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.
===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Dad:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Dad:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Dad:''' ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].

'''Dad:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Dad:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Dad:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Dad:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Dad:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Dad:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Dad:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Dad:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Dad:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Dad:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Dad:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Dad:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Dad:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Dad:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is [[Gregg Mays]], and...

'''Dad:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Dad:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Dad:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [trails off with a faint groan] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Dad:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Dad:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [Pause] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Dad:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Dad:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Dad:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Dad:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Dad:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Dad:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Dad:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Dad:''' Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Dad:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and chores===
'''Dad:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Dad:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have moved on from Pokémon years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Dad:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Dad:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Dad:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Dad:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Dad:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Dad:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Dad:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Dad:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Dad:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' [[Pokéwalker of Fail|I have not played with Pokémon for years]], sir!

'''Dad:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Dad:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.

'''Dad:''' [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Dad:''' You have to stand up to play ''gitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Dad:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Dad:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Dad:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a.... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Dad:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Dad:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point'']Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Dad:''' [''Matt is about to break down laughing.''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Dad:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Dad:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Dad:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Dad:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Dad:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Dad:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Dad:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Dad:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Dad:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Dad:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Dad:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Dad:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Dad:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Dad:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Dad:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Dad:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Dad:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Dad:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Dad:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Dad:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts.''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Dad:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Dad:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Dad:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Dad:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Dad:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Dad:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Dad:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Dad:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Dad:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

'''Dad:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Dad:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Dad:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Dad:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Dad:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Dad:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Dad:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Dad:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Dad:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Dad:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Dad:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Dad:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Dad:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Dad:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Dad:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Dad:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Dad:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Dad:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Dad:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Dad:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Dad:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Dad:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Dad:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Dad:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Dad:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Dad:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Dad:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Dad:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Dad:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Dad:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Dad:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Dad:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Dad:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Dad:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Dad:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Dad:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Dad:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Dad:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Dad:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Dad:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Dad:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Dad:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Dad:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Dad:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Dad:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Dad:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Dad:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Dad:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Dad:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Dad:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]!

'''Dad:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Dad:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Dad:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Dad:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Dad:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Dad:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Dad:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Dad:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Dad:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Dad:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Dad:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Dad:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Dad:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Dad:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Dad:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Dad:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Dad:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Dad:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Dad:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Dad:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Dad:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Dad:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Dad:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Dad:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Dad:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Dad:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Dad:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Dad:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Dad:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Dad:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Dad:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Dad:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Dad:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Dad:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Dad:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Dad:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Dad:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Dad:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Dad:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Dad:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Dad:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Dad:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Dad:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Dad:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Dad:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Dad:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Dad:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Dad:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Dad:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Dad:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Dad:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] a couple of months ago.

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Dad:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Dad:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Dad:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Dad:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Dad:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Dad:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Dad:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Dad:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Dad:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Dad:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Dad:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Dad:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Dad:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Dad:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Dad:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Dad:''' She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Dad:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Dad:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Dad:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Dad:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.

'''Dad:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Dad:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Dad:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Dad:''' And I think she should be with [[Liquid Chris|her real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...

'''Dad:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Dad:''' I do know. Because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... points of view.

'''Dad:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.

'''Dad:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Dad:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I... am an [[American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Dad:''' Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.

[Portal can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Dad:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, [[Twin Falling Towers|that 9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.

'''Dad:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Dad:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Dad:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Dad:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Dad:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Dad:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Dad:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Dad:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Dad:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Dad:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Dad:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Dad:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Dad:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Dad:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Dad:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Dad:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Dad:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Dad:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Dad:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Dad:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Dad:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Dad:''' "Nothing at the moment"?

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Dad:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Dad:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Dad:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Dad:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Dad:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Dad:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Dad:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Dad:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Dad:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Dad:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[anger]].

'''Dad:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Dad:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Dad:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Dad:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Dad:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Dad:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Dad:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Dad:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Dad:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Dad:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

'''Dad:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Dad:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Dad:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has don nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Dad:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Dad:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Dad:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Dad:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Dad:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Dad:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Dad:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Dad:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Dad:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Dad:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Dad:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Dad:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Dad:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Dad:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Dad:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Dad:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Dad:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Dad:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Dad:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Dad:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Dad:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].

'''Dad:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Dad:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Dad:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Dad:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Dad:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Dad:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Dad:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And [[Kim]] was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Dad:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Dad:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Dad:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Dad:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Dad:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Dad:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Dad:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Dad:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Dad:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Dad:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Dad:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Dad:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Dad:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Dad:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Dad:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, [[Mr. Devoria]], and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Dad:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Dad:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Dad:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Dad:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Dad:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Dad:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Dad:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Dad:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Dad:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Dad:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Dad:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Dad:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Dad:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Dad:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Dad:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Dad:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]